Reader, Thy Genius (if thou art not made of wood) muſt neceſſarily prompt thee to the conceit of no leſs then a Maſſacre, and univerſal ruine of all the Antagoniſts and Oppoſers of thoſe Hot-ſpurs; thoſe three brethren in iniquity, who though they are ſo diametrically oppoſite to each other in principles and opinion, will out of pure malice (cauſed by their ſeveral bloody, ambitious aſpirings) joyn tails together to ſet on fire the fabrick of a moſt polite Government, and devaſt the people whom God will not ſuffer them to tyranize over.

Well, Imagine this had been done, conceit this now a doing, now done: Suppoſe we then London plundred (for what wild man thinks, or expects leſs from three ſuch mad enemies) the People and Country laid waſte, deſolate, and invaſſalled, all their enemies throats cut, our then no little Queen with her French, and Jermain luſty train returned (which was granted us by Treaty) all done, all undone, and none left in the Scene but theſe three; who goes to the pot next? No queſtion, the Royaliſts and Catholiks will be ſo conſcientious, as ſtrictly to obſerve and keep each Punctilio of the pretty Scotch Covenant; no doubt but the Catholiques, and the Presbyters will thank the Cavaleer for his good ſervice, and reſtore his King with his Common Prayer and Biſhops, though he will be neither Papiſt nor Covenanter; if not thus, then without diſpute, Presbyter and Cavalier muſt both turn Catholiques; and like enough ſo; I pray thee Reader, do then but conſider how ſoon we could, or can (when time ſerves) ſet the Cavaleer and Presbyter together by the ears. We are not ignorant of the old Adage, Publicae res privatis creſcunt inimicitiis; which thus we will then conſtrue, When theeves fall out, we true men come by our goods; What block-headed Presbyter or Scot (which is all one) knows not the Royaliſts to be irreconcileable with them; whatſoever fair words, ſome old Court-Spaniel, or young declared King may give them, in hope of future opportunity for revenge, or a Crown; Priùs lupus ovem ducat uxorem Cats and Dogs will ſooner be cater-coſins then they; Lites praeterritae facilè fiunt renovatae; if not, we will put in two hundred thouſand pound to the bargain;

Well, now they be at it, now they fight; or grant that they had done ſo; or that hereafter we ſee them too't amonſt themſelves; which ſide do you think (in plain earneſt) ſhall we Catholiques take? it is an even wager; truly neither, and yet both, if any; the weakeſt, till they have confounded each other. I could give a ſhrewd hint of Orders we received in the Colcheſtrian and Kentiſh. Cambo-Brittanian Expeditions; in a word, our deſign is to put them to that hard task, Penelopis telam texere, to do, and undo, till they have left nothing undone for us; But of this more in its place.

I could here make an happy digreſſion, yet pertinent enough, and a large one if I would (but I will not) onely to ſhew the people (if they would but underſtand and hear reaſon) the powerful hand of All-ruling Providence, perſpicuouſly demonſtrating it ſelf in their redemption & deliverance, out of the jaws, and from the Snares and Gins laid for them by theſe three Enemies; God himſelf owning This Cauſe by no leſs then miraculous ſucceſſes and unparallel'd viciſſitudes and alterations, and which he hath given in Commiſſion unto our moſt puiſſant and renouned Governors as his inſtruments of a moſt ſplendid Reformation, and our happily atchieved Liberty, which though it hath coſt ſo much, and the compleating thereof muſt neceſſarily require ſomething more; let us remember, that libertas potior eſt Metallis, and that we were all once but meer ſlaves, bound in our own golden chains, under an Arbitrary-ruling one man, a ſelf willed and wildly-Tyrannizing Monarch;

That I may recover this large deviation,

I muſt now return back to Oxford, where (as I told thee) I for my part was imployed; and now behold it is ſurrendred, and I with my Comrades left to diſpoſe of our ſelves, where we had beſt hopes to create new diſtempers: Now the Oxford Articles were our onely Guardians, and (like our black Maſter) our time being ſhort we reſolve to ply our buſineſs; and truly we have not been idle, what with tawing and clawing the the Cavalier and Presbyter, as you will perceive ere we conclude this Relation.

And (Reader, I ask you) in what mode do you think now to meete with men of my Orders? We have not onely changed the habits of our mindes but of our bodies alſo:—Our minds; for he that even now was upſie Cavaleer, high Royaliſts; he that was nothing but to make the King a Pope, that ſo the Pope might be made King, dances now after no Muſick ſo merrily as the Northern Bagpipe; the prophane Dammees left off, and nothing but the Holy Keevenaunt is heard in our mouthes.—For our bodies, Proteus is leſs then a Fiction to us; He that erewhile was a Commander in a ranting equipage, is now ſlinked into a Cobling Stall, or Weavers Loome, or Tapſters Apron, or Coach-mans Box, or Beggars Weeds, or Horſemans Frock, or Serving-mans Livery, or Taylors Shop, or a Pulpit-thumping Presbyters Iippo; into what not? It is not unknown what trade we drive beyond ſea, when no trade comes amiſs to us; I vow to God, I my ſelf have known one ſingle Student in Rome to be his crafts-maſter in four ſeveral Myſteries, and, though an Italian born, Speaking and Writing as fluent & candid Engliſh, as the beſt Engliſh Orator; but Hoc dubit at fortaſſe aliquis, niſi pagina praeſens idfirmâ ratione probet; To make this good, our Governors, the States of this Commonwealth (if they wil deign to hear me now their true ſervant; for they may not in this caſe, in utramvis aurem dormire) ſhall eftſoon be able to cull out many a Sheep cloathed Woof from their Stations, Stalls, Loomes, Aprons, Weedes, Livories, Shops, yea, and Buff coats; what ſay you to Pulpits too? Let not poor England (now like a Bird (Ah me) purſued by ſeveral fierce-flying Falcons, and too too neer the intended hard gripes of their cruelly-ſharp tallons) either out of a dull and drowzie ſottiſhneſs, or a phantaſtical humour of contradiction, ſuppoſe that I ſpeak what I know not; if I ſhould tell them I can, and (now being about to do it) will (but privately before Authority) produce a Catalogue of Catholiques, (Fathers, ſo we will be called) men of ſeveral Orders, and others that are Natives, who for the moſt part have changed their Habitations, gone into remote Counties, and duly go to Church too; of an incredible number now living in this Commonwealth under ſeverall Notions, which I my ſelf can Digito monſtrare, poynt at with a dry finger: I tell thee in generall, There is ſcarce a Town or City but in ſome few miles of it I can furniſh thee Reader (to thy amazement be it ſpoken, and to occaſion thee to return devout thanks to God) with ſome, who have lived in England theſe 6. 10, 20. Jo. B. of Ne. in Eſ. 40. 50. 5. 4. 3. one and two years unknown, unſuſpected, but taken for clear contrary men: let them avoid me if they can, their errand by this time is done.

Reader, think me not mad: indeed I have been, but am now come again to my ſelf: But to what (wot ye) was my minde bent in theſe Hurly-burlies? to play the Presbyter: and whither went I (trow ye) after Oxfords rendition? even to my guid Scots Brethren the Covenanters, but yet not preſently into Scotland: my colleagues and I, which were three (and indeed made three degrees of Malus, pejor, peſſimus. compariſon, one a Bre, of Oxf. Sh. Prieſt, my ſelf a Novice, the third (a Catesh— prodigious name) as eminent a Jeſuite as England hath fathered theſe many years) had determined if at that time there had been Halcionian quiet times at Sea (as there were not for us guilty ſoules) to have paſſed directly over; but, diverted twixt fear of detection and zeal of working more good (upon the Presbyter) for the Catholike cauſe, we wheel'd about and got us to Newcaſtle; where we found the Gentleman that ran away from Oxford playing at Goffe. Stowball with his Sodalitia, his guid chapmen; who (as emptitious as he was) though they valued him not, becauſe ſeſe inſcendi paſſus eſt, he ſuffered himſelf to be fool ridden, yet knew well enough how to overvalue him.

Here in this Gally-maufrey of people and opinions (Cavies and Presbyters) we could not in a weeks time deviſe in what ſhape to walke in: True, we had reſolved to be All-Presbyter; but the ſtate of preſent affaires ſo ordered it, that we muſt as yet be nothing but Cavaleers; for fear they (of whom there was no ſmall concourſe) as ſome of them could, might detect us what we were, maugre our ſhifting and ſniffling pretenſions to the contrary; And ſo once again we did Dextrae conjungere Dextram fall in with the Cavaleer: For ſo great a reſort was there of ſhabby raggamuffian Gentlemen, and ſome, of our old Oxford acquaintance, that we could not in civility ( • ne eke in policy) ſhake them off: and ſo expert are we in thoſe fraudes Daemoniacae, that (where occaſion preſented it ſelf) we became any thing to any man, (like the blacke Prince of the ayre in his witchery Apparitions, or his white Emblem the Miller, who when this winde will not ſerve him, can turn Sayls and ſerve that) and cloſed in our complyance with all, that we might but tempt ſome; which indeed was eaſily then to be done with the poor Cavies, who were Cerâ tractabiliores plyable to any advice that favoured of the leaſt revenge; but truly are Aſini Homines meer Aſſes: Here did we Cretizare cum Cretenſe hold a candle to the Divel, prompt them to what we thought would beſt ſerve our owne turnes, 'till at laſt we had fitted them to be made fooles by the Scots; (which at any time they can eaſily do, if they will but open and declare:) Thus we laught in our ſleeves (yet ſtill pretended to be equall ſufferers with them in the Cauſe Royall) which they might eaſily have perceived, had not their braines been dulled by the Devil (that egregius deluſionum artifex) and totally intoxicated with the ſpirits of Mandragora:

Nor had we ſtaid long here, 'ere great numbers of the Royall Party came flocking to the Scotch Army, in hopes of more worke for the Chirurgian: which truly had then been done, as well as ſince, and now again (if they dare) Ab Aquilone ante Notus, quam vulpes venari gallinas ſuperſedeat: the South wind will blow from the North before theſe Beggars will leave troubling us. like to be, (for jam tertia vertitur aeſtas) had they not feared their weather-cocke King might (in a new-periwig plot) have put upon them the old Oxford trick; or had not that currant ſum of Bona & legalis moneta Angliae been too praevalent an argument with them to abandon and deſert him, whom they valued not really at the eſtimation of 200000. Scotch bawdles; To be ſure, our endeavours were not wanting to exaſperate all Partyes by all the ſtratagems our wits could deviſe; ſeriouſly, our fomenting had even then made the Tynder take fire, though we could not do it till here of late; Now tis done; judge you how near it was then brought to an head, (but what will not money do with a Scot, (now their Cataſta is in readineſs;) what will not a Scot do for money? An ingenious Monſieur (at this inſtant, I beleeve, in Scotland) at a frollick meeting, in France, of ſome freinds, amongſt whom I jovially paſſed for currant, ſaid thus, (cunningly;) I'le undertake for halfe a Kings price their whole Nation will D—themſelves, and the ſtricteſt Formaliſts among the guide Breethren account it no ſinfull Engagement to eat nothing but ungodly Pearke for an whole year; The plot (I ſay) by our nimble-underhand inviſible fomentings then grew near to an head; Near indeed; Not only excepted Delinquents unpardonable Cavaleers, but Catholikes, yea known Prieſts and Jeſuites, we alſo by a generall order were publikely quartered in the moſt affluent and ſecure Townes and Villages: You will think it ſtrange to hear me ſay there was at that time (and how much more now they have, like Sampſons foxes, joyned tayles) to the number of two Regiments of Catholikes; nay (to my certain knowledge) there was one meer-all-wholly-a Catholike Regiment new raiſed (before the money came down from London) and reduced, under the conduct of my Lord Synclare a Presbyterian-Papiſt; and this alſo I proteſt to God I can affirme for reall truth, there was not only then to be a conjunction with Montroſs, but Iriſh Rebels to be tranſported, and a war with England then reſolved upon; (ſee what money can do) had not theſe policies over ballanc't their reſolutions;

Firſt, That the world would have cryed ſhame upon them, that they ſhould ſo ſoon have broken their own Covenant with the Engliſh: which they reſolved to referre to a longer time, hoping to inſinuate to the world, that the Engliſh firſt began with them, whenſoever they ſhall have a minde to invade, ordiſturbe our tranquillity;

Secondly, That they ſhould more then hazzard the loſſe of the great ſum, if they did too ſoon ſhew their teeth; and not being able to pretend the leaſt reaſon that would hold water, why they ſhould pick a quarrell with their even now Confederates: And as cunningly alſo did they repell the inceſſant importunities of their priſoner-King; telling him, their ſurrendry of him would prove for the beſt, and that it ſhould be to no other intent but to furniſh them with more plauſible pretences for a war and breath with the Engliſh States: For indeed they well conſidered, that the Parliament of England could do no leſs in juſtice upon that Capitall Delinquent, then what might bear them out in the opinion of ſeduced Engliſhmen, as a ſufficient excuſe for their many peremptory, bawling, miſcheivous papers and meſſages, which (ſince that) they have interruptingly dared to trouble our State with, beſides that their other years Run-away 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 ; and yet ſtill are they ſo impiouſly politick (or rather blockiſhly impudent) as to make this their pretence, that what they do, is for their guid King (& his ſon) whom, rather then they would have been at the charge to have kept him till this time, I dare ſay they would have poyſoned (in which that travelling Nation is very Witneſſe their countrimen Dr. Crichton his Sermon, before yong Stuart at the Hauge. expert) or have put to a more exemplary death then that Ad generum Cerer is ſine caede & ſanguine pauci Deſcendunt Reges & ſiccd morte Tyranni: Iuvenal. Few Tyrants in their beds do dye, But headlong they to Hell do hye. condigne and yet honourableone, which he here received by the Plebiſcitum:

But all this while the poor Cavaleer is hood winkt, and held in ſtrong ſuſpence; neither can they imagine whether theſe Scotiſticall Pioneers will be Scots or no Scots, (but Scots will be Scots:) And they allowed them too bread and cheeſe pay, from the Engliſh; which indeed was no ſmall boon, conſidering the ſmall Nook ſo vaſt an Army (which had been at Hereford) were glad to be thronged into: poor Animals, theſe credulous Cattell, or blind Bears, as they were then, ſo are they ſtill led on by the noſe (in hopes) by their worſt firſt Enemies; what elſe makes them Ampullas & ſeſquepedalia verba—bolt out ſuch high bug-bear Raunts? what elſe makes them triumphingly ſo heave up their heavy heads, and be ſo ſilly as to bragg (meerly on the dependance o'theſe crafty Cattamountaines) that,

That ſpeedily a day will come which will pay for all: Royaliſt, let me tell thee in love, Sapientia prima eſt, ſtultitiâ caruiſſe, Do not be ſo unwiſe as to be ſo fooliſh as to beleeve a Scot: But I do ſaxum Syſiphon urgere, beat the ayre to Vecordes verbis non ſubiguntur. no purpoſe: Ye Ardelio's think ye out-wit all the world beſides, when (faciunt nae intelligendo ut nihil intelligant) theſe 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 (in plain Engliſh) would ſeem to know all things, and yet they knew nothing, but are a company of dull eaſily beguiled Aſſes.

Yet wellfare my Lord Synclare (if there be any Scot worth the whiſtling after, I am confident it is he) I cannot be oblivious of his affable deportment, and tender ſympathy he had of the conditions of ſome of the pittiful Renegado gentlemen. I dare aver, I can reckon up betwixt fourty and fifty heretofore high-flying Dammee-Raunters, now in a lowzie ſtarving condition which he releived, and were admitted ſometimes to be drunk with his gor-bellied brother Harry, that old Court-Curr, Harbert Price, That Welſh-French Gallowpoaſted fellow Turburvil Morgan, That eaſie Catholique, Durham gent. Colonel Jack Forcer, with many others, which I could name, of greater quality, who did eat of his free-quarter bread, or had periſhed: But O the miſeries of ſome Gentlemen of lower quality then theſe! Synclare ſometimes for the great ones would go a begging to the great begger for a ſute; but for theſe poor ſouls not a doit but Scotch fragments: If ever any of thoſe Gentlemen, which were then amongſt them, confide in a Scot again, I ſhall ſwear they are Cur-Spaniels, and horribly bewitched: Amongſt theſe latter lower ſort did we three get in for quarters; pretending as much indigency as the meaneſt of them, and ſearching out who were Catholiques amongſt them, that ſo we might Liſt them under a certain Collection; which very ſecretly and cloſely we had got raiſed of the Northumberland Catholique Gentlemen: Nor did we eaſily give credence to any that urged himſelf a Catholique; for indeed that would have made our number ſwell too great (the Cavies being at that time ready to turn any thing, except Roundhead, for ſome money to be chirpingly drunk, and ſing away ſorrow;) but many reall ones indeed were found, a great company of them being crowded into a very good quarter, at Miſtreſs Thyrwalls houſe, a Catholique widdow, in a mile of Hexam in Northumberland; amongſt whom was Sir Thomas Tildeſly with a tottered tail as well as the reſt, who ſent for Mr. Bre—to ſpeak with him, whither we being come, with him found a company of lamentable Tag-rags (outvying our diſguiſe) going under the names of Colonels, Majors, and Captains; ſome playing at Iriſh, ſome at Gleek, all at Noddy, except Sir Thomas, who with a poor Scholar was playing at Cheſs; Mr Bre—asking his buſineſs with him; He told us, that he had been informed of our Negotiation, and deſired us to enter his Liſt in ours; amongſt whom we found ſome doubtful and unknown names; which, we told him were not ſafe to be admitted for fear of diſcovery; He aſſured us, they were all very faithful Royaliſts (which did not pleaſe us) and wanting very much, even ready to periſh with hunger and nakedneſs; amongſt which that Scholar, for whom Sir Thomas ſeemed to be very highly ſolicitous: No ſooner almoſt was he with ſome of the reſt admitted, and had once or twice received collections, but ſome of them cried Roaſt-meat to their unadmitted Comrades, which truly fell out very inauſpiciouſly for the Catholiques, worſe for the Cavies; the collection ſtopt, and we reſolved for a diſperſing march: For, neer about this time was the bargain made, and hands ſtruck betwixt the Engliſh and the Scots, for that Old-New-Nothing; and with him all the Engliſh both Catholique and Cavies to be ſurrendered priſoners upon the ſumm (as juſtly we might) for Incendiaries. This news being ſoon ſent us (and in troth not too early, for it was in the nick-time) from Newcaſtle by ſome of our Agents there, we well hoped to have had ſome laughing ſport; for after our flight (which was into Scotland) had they ſtayed a little-little longer, the poor Cabbs had been all ſurpriſed, if not ſurrendred to our Parliament Army then upon a cloſe march; but in Edenbourgh, we had not been an whole week, before the ragged Regiment came tottering in there, many thouſand millions ſtrong, thicker then when they firſt ſhifted into the cleanly Scottiſh Army, out of Gods bleſſing, yet not into the warm Sun, but a ſtinking cold climate

And what can you devize theſe poor gentlemen can do here for ſubſiſtence? truly it was miraculous to ſee the miſeries they endured at the hands, and in the ſight of thoſe unpittying hard-hearted Cannibals the Scots: nay, they did not onely commiſerate but baſely Deſolatos deridere dementia eſt. deride and Nil habet infoelix paupertas durius in ſe, Quàm quòd ridiculos homines facit. jear at their calamities, ſaying, there gangs a brave Engliſh Cavaleer, whylk fought and run away for his King, &c. Now I believe thou ſuppoſeſt the Catholique alſo to be hard put to it here, or that (at leaſt) he was forced to live on the main ſtock; no (really,) we found friends enough here, even of our own Order. I can aſſure thee (Reader) a Catholique delights in no air (beſides his own) ſo well as in a Presbyterian. Moreover, we here met with Monſieur Montril the French Agent, who was then conſulting with the Scotch States, about the laſt Hambletonian engagement, though ſince they account it ſinful for being baſted; with him we immediately fell into ſome conſultation and action, as you ſhall hear anon.

But O the poor Cab, his guts pay for it; there was not one of them but hunger had taught ſome occupation or other to get money, and it were but enough to buy Scotch bread: ſome Captains got their meat by dreſſing Troupers horſes, not one Scot breathing would beſtow a Bawdle on an Engliſhman without ſome ſervice done for it; they would rather call them Lownes, and bid them get out of the Countrey. The Scholar (I ſpake of) he drives a trade with the Colledge, when inſtead of ſome ſubtil queſtions, the Maſter put him (as he told me) to expound a Chapter in the Bible, which he did till he had pounded out four or five A poor ſumm in Scotch money. pund of them, and more had he had of them, but that they demanding his name, and he telling them, they ſaid it was a Popiſh name, (as I remember it was Pawlet, or ſome ſuch name) the Scholar wittily replied, we have many good Proteſtants of that name in Herefordſhire: after this great purchaſe he and one Major Thomas Right ſet up a trade of making ſweet powder for hair with Rice, a trick of the Scholars, by which they lived well, and cozened the Scots very handſomly.

But no going back was there for them, whither they could fly God knows, themſelves know not. Reader, thou muſt not conceive, that of all theſe Gentlemen there were none which were thus diſtreſſed, but meerly for their fooliſhly and falſely conceited loialty, though the moſt part were ſo indeed; certainly there were many, Homines gregorii amongſt them, raskally fellows, ſome Theeves, ſome Bankrupts, ſome abject Sons, ſome Prodigals; as the Scholar would often make me take pitty on him, when he would uſe to tell me, Miſerabilis fuit homuncio: He was a caſtaway. that an unnatural Father, and hard Mother in Law was his Parliament; many (like him) had ſeveral occaſions that reduced them to theſe dilemma's of miſery.

And now was there a convention of the Scots States in Parliament, which puts the Cabs (as poor as they were) into a ſhrewd fright, and themſelves into a puzzle, which way they ſhould diſpoſe of them; for had they rudely betraied them into the hands of the Engliſh Army, which demanded them in the bargain upon the ſumm, they had too ſoon diſplayed to the world their perfidious dealing with the Cabs Idoll; but, which is the main thing they had then falſified with the French to whom they had ingaged to ſell theſe cattle for ſo much the head, to ſerve in their wars againſt the Spaniard till ſuch time as they had both ripened their quarrel againſt the Engliſh, and then ſhall the poor Cabs be brought back again, to uſher on, and ſet a face upon the Popiſh French, and Presbyterian Scotiſh Deſign, which what it is, you will here towards the end.

The general bruit now blown over all Edenburgh was, that the great blades were to be culled out and ſent to London; but for the reſt, if they would take conditions, they ſhould be conveyed from the hands of their enemies, and be accommodated to ſerve ſome forraign Prince (the laſt is true enough, but the other as falſe as a Scot) their ſtinking States onely made an Order to this purpoſe, that thereby they might give an Item to excepted perſons to ſecure themſelves; and (as they muſt confeſs) to my knowledge they had private orders given them, to clap themſelves into a diſguize, and not to walk ſo publikely in the ſtreets; and thus they ſhew themſelves Scots ſtill with the Engliſh States, for by thus doing they conceived they ſhould be able to evade, if not flatly deny any juſt demands agreed upon in the former paction between England and them.

Theſe raskally doings being thus carried on for ſome weeks in Hugger mugger, and the Cavaleers having ſome ſlender allowance, they knew not from whom; at laſt they all began to inſinuate to them, that the Scots had picked a juſt quarrel with the Roundheads, and that they ſhould in a ſhort time invade, upon pretence of redeeming the even now ſold Bondſlave from his captivity, and bring him (like a painted Pageant) in pomp up to London: But this poor pretence, though politike enough to catch the credulity of the throughout gulld Cavaleer, becauſe opinionating ends ever by words; yet we (who ever judged of mens words by their ends) knew the inſide of the piece to be clean contrary; for, the Scots (though they had an egging minde to have more plunder) were adviſedly too cowardly to be thus valiantly fooliſh, knowing the ſtrength and reſolution of that gallant dreadfull Army of England, whom they durſt as well eat Peark as look upon; though they now make ſome flouriſhes, of purpoſe to get ſome gelt for the Son as well as the Father; and then you ſhould ſee them fling him off, and creep to an Engliſhmans elbowe for another confederacy.

In the mean time while things fell out very happily for our Party, the Cabs knew nothing but what we thought fit to tell them; and they very quietly acquieſced in our Oracles: For now was I (with my two forementioned Comerades) imployed afreſh by Monſieur Montril, about ſuch a like buſineſs as we had in Northumberland; which was to muſter all the Gentlemen we could ferret out, and to take a ſtrict and particular liſt of all that were Catholikes; which we in time effected, and delivered it to the Monſieur, who commanded us to attend him the next day at Hally-Rood houſe, where D. Hambleton played Rex, and kept court as Lord Protector and Steward in the Dotage of his Cozin: whither when we came, and were called for to the Preſence, The We all conferred in the french tongue. Duke (a rightwary, pure Saint of Scotland, as being pretty competently politique, abundantly zealous, and very indifferently religious) firſt demanded of the Agent, whether we were ſuch as he might dare to confide and imploy in his Maſters buſineſs, we being Engliſhmen, and for ought I know (quoth he) Cavaleers: they are ſuch (replyed the Monſieur) who do omnes unum ſtudere, and whoſe Characters I have received from no ſlender Teſtimony; beſides, this gentleman (pointing to Mr. Catesb—) being my old acquaintance, and a reall ſervant to the Flur de luis; whom (being Engliſh; and, as they are) I dare ſooner truſt then any men alive, none being able to do our buſineſs with that influence and facility they may, with their old dear acquainted Oxonions: Gentlemen, (quoth the Duke then to us) were it not prejudiciall to your ſelves, as you have no reaſon to think, I could wiſh that I knew how to equall my reſpects to your ſeverall qualities: But be confident, I am overjoyed in this bleſſed opportunity of ſerving his Moſt Chriſtian Majeſty: Here are up and down this City a crew of odd fellows, old beaten Souldiers of the King of Englands party, who can now ſerve for nothing better then to fill ditches, thereby to ſalve their loſt honours, when they ſhall ſhed their bloud in the ſervice of a more puiſſant Prince, to whoſe gracious Majeſty I ſhall ever devote my beſt performance: Let it be your part (therefore) as much as in you lies, to prepare them for this Expedition, which you will the eaſlyer effect, by taking theſe few verball Inſtructions with you: [much to this purpoſe] Firſt let them underſtand by you from mee, the great compaſſion I take on their ſeverall diſtreſſes and ſad conditions, and how ſtudious I am to better it, and to render them capeable of doing his A double-tongued Scot. Majeſty of England more good ſervice, and that to this end I am very willing to engage my ſelf unto hs Majeſty of France's Agent (here) for ſome competent ſum of money for their ſubſiſtance and future pay, which who ſo liſts may receive; and that I will freely (but privately) procure of the States of this Kingdome Paſſes for their going beyond Sea, and will alſo provide veſſels, and be my ſelf at the charge of their Tranſportation: all which I ſhall do as a demonſtration and pledge of that ſervice I owe to my yong Mr. the Prince of England; whom (be ſure to tell them what I ſay) by their and others recourſe to him, with ſome foraign Princes aſſiſtances, I hope (and little doubt) ſpeedily to ſee in an invaſive capacity to revenge his Si non ante diem Parcae ſua fila ſecantur. Fathers indignities, and powre out flouds of the blood of thoſe rebellious Roundheads: You ſhall alſo (ſaid he) take money with you to give advance to all thoſe who ſhall enroll themſelves as ſouldiers for the French expedition, (for under that Notion you muſt tell them it muſt be carried on) that ſo the States of this Kingdome may not be unfurniſht of a pretence and excuſe againſt the urgings of thoſe of England, when they ſhall ſee us play foul play under-board: But above all, I beſeech you, that you make a diligent enquiry into the temper and imployment of ſome of thoſe Anglers; I am told there are ſome amongſt them of moſt accompliſht parts; and my Agents in London have given me warning, that there are certainly ſome of them imployed by the Engliſh Parliament as Spies and Intelligencers concerning the tranſactions and conſultations of me and this State; Let ſuch be nippily markt and taken notice of; and where you ſhall find deſerts in any other of them, as conducible to our purpoſe, proceed to collate large and particular encouragements: Gentlemen (quoth he) you may not; and I know you are not ignorant of the end of our deſign; in which, while we ſeem to help theſe baſe ſcoundrels, our ambition is to ſerve his King of France. moſt Chriſtian Majeſty, according to our long-continued and lately renewed obligation, againſt either Spaniſh or Engliſh adverſary; at the preſent to fight the one, and ere long to invade the other; the latter of which his Majeſty may hereafter eaſily atchieve, having ſo many plauſible pretenſions on his ſide; as not only the reſtauration of his neareſt Ally, but (which is the main ſtring of his bow) his entring with ſo many native Engliſhmen, which will ſtop the people from banding againſt his forces when they enter, and occaſion many thouſands to joyn with them againſt their own Natives and Countrymen; which when God ſhall pleaſe to bring to paſs, I ſhall then be openly able to declare to the world, how much I am in Allegiance his ſubject, and in conſcience your ſervant.

Thus after our moſt humble regratulations to his Grace for theſe pictae tectoria linguae, and indeed his affable and noble deportment to us, with his tender reſpect of our religious qualities (for the Agent had whiſperingly told him what Mr. Cat was) we were now departing the preſence, when preſently we were remaunded by the Monſieur, who told us, that he had a very great deſire to ſee as many of the gentlemen as could be got together at a Rendezvous, if the Duke held it ſafe; to which Mr. Br anſwered it were more convenient to defer that for one week longer, till more of them had liſted themſelves, and by their Advance recruited their tottered condition, and amended their equipage; to which the Monſieur anſwered, Gods death, let it be even ſo, or elſe they'le take me for a very merry gentleman; meaning belike, He ſhould be unable to hold his countenance, and reſtrain laughter.

And now the poor Cabs do captare Ranam ſhoot at a crow and kill an owle; they have brought their hogs to a fair market, (like the Devil when he threw them into the Sea,) of a foul event, they have a fair labour, they muſt not only be content to be beaten out of the Kingdom, but be Ni reſipiſcant fuſtibus & flagris nae ipſi vapulabunt. beaten in again, to uſher in and make room for thoſe, who when they have ſerved their turn of them, will uſe them and their King both alike; nay they ſhall be forced to fight againſt themſelves; Sic vos non vobis, &c. ſo that the more victories they win, the more miſerable they make themſelves, and un-king their Prince: This plot was never ſo ſtrong againſt them, as tis at this moment, as in time I ſhall declare: But they will not be induced to beleeve the French to be other then reall Aſſiſters, and that they do not catch at their crown; and, I muſt confeſs, their reaſon ſeems to be ſomewhat ſolid in this particular; Becauſe (ſay they) we know our King to be reconciled to the Roman-Catholike Church, and hereby he hath ingratiated himſelf with, and engaged all the Catholike Princes of Europe for his aſſiſtance: Ah Freind, I know the pulſe of the French not to beat ſo violently for Religion, when a crown lies at ſtake; they hope (Ile warrant thee) to ſee a Lewis crowned in Londre, as there was a Henry in Paris: But they ſay, His Holineſs hath obliged all Catholike Princes to be aiding, and amongſt them the French; who, if ever he wins England, (tis more then probable) maugre the Pope, will count himſelf fitter to be Defender of the Faith, then he that juſt now was converted to it to regain a crown: And this is but meerly brutorum ratio, all the reaſon they have.

Well, but let us look back and ſee what we Presbyterian-Cavaleers are doing at Edenburgh amongſt the Cavaleer-Presbyterians; Our time is wholly ſpent in liſting who liſt to taſte of the Eſca of our hooks; and no little trouble was it for us to ferret them out of the ſeverall holes they had buried themſelves in; Our firſt two daies work was, to pretend the diſcloſing of a great ſecret to all we met, that they ſhould give notice to all the right Cavaleers they knew, to meet at a Green a quarter of a mile beyond the Kings Hally-Rood-Houſe, neer a little Alehouſe there, called the Worlds end, where Duke Hambleton had by us intended (out of his pure pitty) a diſtribution of money to all diſtreſſed Engliſh Officers, and Gentlemen ſouldiers of the Kings party, according to their ſeveral qualities, and that there would be made ſome propoſitions for the ſeting a foot again of our old quarrel with the Engliſh Rebels: O how greedily was this Gudgeon ſwallowed! Thoſe that had but twelve One penny. black dogs, drunk a health that night in Scotch Ale to the brave Duke; and thus we made every one prove a Decoy to his Comrade; and our appointed time being come, our work we found done to our hands, and ſome Punds drunk upon ſcore in the Dukes health before ere we came at them, where we found the ſilly ſouls extreamly frolick and blythe, Hic ſaltat laetus, hic eſt ſermone facetus, every man fancying vanities to himſelf (and building caſtles in the Air, as yet ſtill they do upon a Scotch foundation) according to the defect of his judgement and diſcretion;

And ſo they are reſolved to be once more Imbelli adminiculo ne ſuſtenteris. deceived by them before they will learn better forecaſt.

Nor when we came did we piddle with them a whit, but forthwith accoſted them with the moſt preſtigious ſugar candid words we could invent, not forgetting one tittle of our Inſtructions, which we confirmed for truths, by a certain token the Duke had ſent by us, which was twenty ſhillings ſterlin to drink his dear Maſter the Kings Health, and a confuſion and damnation to the Parliament, beſides, half ſo much for the King of France his Health; deſiring them to accept of theſe poor favours he had ſent them, as a token of what more he intended to do, as a ſympathy of their loyall ſufferings, but eſpecially as a demonſtration of his fidelity (though formerly miſtruſted) to his Maſter: Thus having told our tales, and recruted every man with a conſiderable ſumm in his pocket, (beſides their heads full of Nobilis Alla) we deſired them all quietly to diſperſe themſelves, and in the mean while to put themſelves into as hanſom an equipage as they could, till our meeting again (that day ſevenight) in the ſame place, when if we did not preſently fall upon action; we told them, we were commanded to aſſure them upon the Dukes honor, they were ſafe, and that there ſhould be a very competent and large allowance offorded the very meaneſt of them all; and ſo they ſtraglingly parted like fools as they came;

I cannot call it good nature in them, but a ſhallowneſs of experience, contracted through cuſtomary overmuch talk, more boaſting, through too little obſervation, and no pondering; for certainly no cattle in world are more eaſily beguiled then the Cavaleers generally by an over-weening credulity; the true occaſionall uſe of a wiſe diſtruſt and ſlow Belief, either not reaching, or elſe miſplacing, ſeldom deliberating, till ſurrounded with fears, who are ill Counſellors, and never determining but upon hopes and wiſhes, who are falſe Aſtrologers: The dull Phrygian could Serò ſapere, the Cavaleer will nunquam; He is alwayes extravagantly talking of many generations paſt; never once roundly conſidering, how that Then was Then, and Now is Now. But, to our Relation:

We ſtaid not this night, till we had informed the Agent how far and fair a progreſs we had made in the buſineſs, who ſeemed very pleaſant at the relation of the ſeveral pretty paſſages at our Tap-laſh Rendezvous, ſome Devotions being that night performed at his lodgings (at which the Duke was preſent, and many other Scotch Gentry, though ſome people will hardly think it) we had the honor to be commanded to take our repaſt there that night, and waiting his Honors leaſure, and further pleaſure with us, he told us, there was no more to be ſaid, till the Duke had compleated many things with the States, which to him he had, ingaged for: I will onely add this (ſaid he) for our comfort. I doubt not (by the fair progreſs we have already tranſacted with theſe The Scots. people) but to ſee our three Cabs, Preſbyters, Independants. enemies beaten by themſelves, and a way made for the banner of Chriſt, and the Standard of my Maſter, to be in time ſet up in that baſe adjacent Heretical plot of earth: Maſter Ca—told him, though our hopes were once great by our influence on the King and his party, yet it would be greater then ever, if we could once ſee a conjunction betwixt the Royaliſt & Presbyter, and both willing to accept of aide, from his moſt Chriſtian Majeſty: you ſhall ſee ſtrange things done (quoth the Agent) if ever we can but bring them to ſhake hands, though with the teeth outward; which in ſome time (though perchance alſo with ſome little difficulty) we ſhall bring about: The Royalliſt is ſufficiently madded already; for they ſay, they will take the Turks, yea, the Devils ſide to conquer England, and in time you ſhall ſee, we ſhall work on the diſſatisfactions of the Preſbyter, that we ſhall bring them to joyn with us and their enemies, to overthrow their brethren and friends.

And now (Reader) I can buſie thy fancy with little of this weeks work, onely the great mirth of the Jovialiſts, they are no ſmall boys now, and (Ile warrant you) drink no ſmall Bear: New faces ſtill appear to be liſted, an't were for the Turk, all is one; thirty Engliſh ſhillings advance was then a conſiderable ſumm; In three or four dayes the Agent ſent a Gentleman to command our attendance at the Dukes Court, when he (we no ſooner being come) asked us, whether our number did increaſe, or decreaſe? We aſſured him, that we had liſted thirty ſix more then we had advance money for, which was preſently delivered us; But ſaid he to the Duke, how ſhall we provide now to keep them together from running away? By doing as you do now, (quoth the Duke) meaning by letting them have money enough belike; but it was preſently reſolved upon, that a party of Horſe ſhould ſcour the Country England ward; and it was given out, that it was onely to ſurprize and take up wandring Engliſh Malignants and Delinquents, and to ſend them to the Parliament of England; But the next thing put to the Queſtion by my ſelf, was, who were fitteſt to be choſen for the Officers of theſe liſted men? Well ſaid, (quoth the Agent) a thing indeed moſt neceſſary next to be conſulted on; for either we muſt pitch upon ſome of our own friends, or at leaſt their enemies; my meaning is, Catholique or Presbyter, the laſt being as ſerviceable to promote our enterprizes as the firſt: Here is a noble Gentleman (quoth Maſter Cat—) one Collonel Forcer, who is not onely diſcreet, but really their enemy (and your ſervant) yet very popular amongſt them (for the fools have a vein ſtill to love us, how plain ſoever our practiſes appear againſt them,) he is one that by a certain intereſt (beſides Religion) would be glad by any means to advantage and ſet forward the French Deſign; being alſo not ignorant of the greateſt ſtate of affairs, and doth very well know how great hopes we have for the advancement of the Catholique Cauſe, by bringing the Cavaleer under the Lee of the Presbyter; Introth you have onely anticipated me (quoth the Monſieur) tell him I kiſs his hand, and deſire a word with him, for had you not mentioned him, I muſt have had ſome conference with him about ſome higher concernment.

And thus again we parted with Orders to return with moſt convenient ſpeed, which the next day we did, the Colonel in our Company; and after ſome private conference betwixt Monſieur Montril and himſelf, we were ſoon diſpatched, and gave out among the Totterdemallions, that all things were now concluded, but that a Colonel General was wanting, which we doubted would be a Scot, if we did not ſolicite the Agent, that we might ſelect Officers among our ſelves; and amongſt us none ſo fit and faithful a Conducter as would noble Colonel Forcer be, which they every one preſently reliſhed.

Well, now approaches the ſecond and laſt day of our liquoriſh Worlds-End Rendezvouz; where (after high Bravadoes, how we would plunder London, and torture the Roundheads at our return into England, making no diſtinction between Independent or Presbyter, when we had ſubdued them both) it was at laſt generally given to underſtand, Thar the fartheſt way about was our neareſt way home, and that we muſt firſt viſit France, where we ſhould lye at Rack and Manger (Free quarter) in Garriſon againſt the Spaniard, till ſuch time as a League and Amneſtie could be procured betwixt the French and them, and untill the difference betwixt the Independent and Presbyter did flame to the very height; which we aſſured them would erelong ſo come to paſs, and that it would prove a very feaſible buſineſs by flattering the one, to deſtroy both.