¶ Imprynted at London in Pater noster rowe at the sygue of our Lady pytye by Iohn̄ Redman for Rycharde bankes

Cum priuilegio Regali ad imprimendum solum.

¶ Iohn̄ Byrch Clerke / to the ryghte excellent Doctor in Phisike Andrewe Borde.

AS I chaunced for to walke, for my recreacyon
To passe the tyme forth, to peruse a certayn thing
I sawe two stande in communicacyon
And ī theyr hand a boke, whervpō they were redig
I vaylyd my bonet, with that they were smylynge
That not regardynge. I passed sorth by
With that the one called me, wyllynge to come ny
¶ I merueyled not a lytell, what was theyr intent
To call me so hastely, this thynge is playne
An excellent worke, to me they dyd present
Instantly prayenge me, to take the payne
To answer to your maystershyp that berdes doth disdain
And so vpon that, they betoke me the boke
Prayenge me hartely, it to ouer loke
¶ Wherin full vngodly, your doge ryme doth reports
Rede it who wyll, no doubte he shall fynde
Nothynge you do but rayle on euery sorte
As a man halfe dystraught, wantynge his mynde
So that onles, you wolde make men blynde
Marke who wyll in your boke, in maner one and all
You make all men linaues, yet are you the pryncypall
¶ Thus when I had red it, I dyd consyder
[...]
[Page] How of beardes you make, your definition
Payntyng mens beardes, after a strange sorte
I knewe by that you were a physycyon
And in ars Physonomye, had great speculacyon
I neuer herd clener rethoryke, synce the hour I was borne
I iuged when I red it, you were borne vnder Capricorne
¶ I maruayle greatly, you beynge a physycion
And knoweth vnto man, it is geuen by nature
To haue of heare abundaunce, by goddes creacyon
You wyll not this denye I am perfecte and sure
In case that you do, you may say your pleasure
But this wyll I say, in our Englyshe speche
And you loue a bearde no better, synge that of your brech
¶ It is a straunge thynge, to heare your phalitasy
How goodly your bearde, you wolde deuyse
A muster deuelyce wolde become you pretely
You say you loue a bearde, after that gyse
But and I myght make you one, it shold be on this wyse
Bycause I vnderstande your name is mayster Boorde
you sholde haue an antike beard of a whelpes toorde
¶ Now by Iesu you make me not a lytell to study
what sholde be the cause you hate so a bearde
I thynke in my mynde you haue the frensy
Or els perchaunce, one made you afearde
His breche beynge bare came ronnynge backwarde
[...]
[Page] For you studye more thē Phisicke, I perceyue it well
But before or you enter, I wyll you promoote
To come that shall drawe your bearde vp by the roote
For I tell you, I do not loue them that be heary
I am of that opynyon, as well as you
Therfore I wolde, that you sholde now spedely
P [...]e vp your bearde then wyll it loke newe
A [...]de as a Coote, this thynge is trewe
[...] beware I say, of [...]he frosty weder
And whē you wyll be shauen take a dyshe clout or a feder▪
¶ I meruayle not a lytell, as god shall helpe me
To se a man inuey, after suche a fashyon
Exceptynge men, that are in great dygnite
That it is lawfull, you make probation
To weare theyr beardes, but marke your conclusyon
you are so cyrcumspecte, and speakes so playnely
Loke who wereth beardes, you call it knauery
¶ you saye vnder beardes, be bothe lyce and neties
Pockes and pockerelles, there doth remayne
I thynke yf a man loked betwyxte your lyppes
A man myght fynde there, perchaunce on [...] or twayne
Good store of scabbes, in your breche to be playne
Seynge vnder beardes, dyseases are not strange
By lyke whē you had a beard, you were ful of the mange
[...] in beardes I perce [...] [...] are so cōnyng
[Page] [...]
Goynge from the order shewed by scrypture
As appeareth by your boke / doth rayle at your pleasure
¶ Then you shewe your self to haue ben in far cōtrayes
Descrybynge the maner how berdes they vse there
And after this sorte your boke so sayes
In token of auncyentnes this thynge is cleare
Sage men vse beardes there for to weare
Which thynge you rekyn in them for great sadnes
And Englyshemen the contrary, a poynt of madnes.
¶ Nowe it is but foly this matter to delate
Marke in auncyent storyes bothe newe and olde
Loke who was beardyd, was euer in estate
As a man of reputacyon, he myght be bolde
Yf ought were spoken / the beardyd man it tolde
Thus were the beardyd men in hygh estymation
And loke who had none / was of small reputation.
¶ In a bearde doth manhode playnely consyste
The sygne of a bearde, strength doth sygnifye
This is founde in naturall thynges serche who lyste
The prudent Phylosophers, this doth testyfye
who lyst in them to serche shall fynde it playnely
And loke who hath no bearde, it is a sygne he is no man
And tyll he haue a bearde, he is much lyke a woman
¶ Yf you wyll knowe the thynge to a bearde belongyng
That is grauyte sadnes, and lykewyse dyscretion
Full of force or strength alwayes in his wurkynge
[...] a bearde sholde be of this condycyon
[Page] [...] man, that vleth the courte
And wot you what they say, they maruayle what you are
They iudge you sene in cranes dyrt & cal you mayster phisikar.
¶ Now for bycause perchaunce / men wyll iudge
Malyce sholde increase betwyxte you and me
I do you to wyt I nother murmur nor grudge
But yf men shall wryte, let them wryte honestly
Notwithstandynge, that I speke but merely
Prayenge you hartely, to take it as you lyst
For I must nedes prayse beardes and yours were bepyst
¶ Thus for feare I be to tedyous / I wyll make [...]n ende
Prayenge you hartely / to be content
For I thynke you and I / haue spent much wynde
yet notwithstandynge / after my iugement
Take a gostly father / and confesse you this lente
So shall you be cleane / as the howre you were borne
And haue as cleare a souse / as he that wereth a horne
¶ Now you knowe my mynde / of the somme and all
In case you be angry loke that you freyt
Take a wyspe and rubbe your selfe on the gall
Tyll that you haue gotten you a knauy she heyte
Then walke vp and downe / and loke that you swete
And I praye you hartely / take no colde
For I had rayther se you hylthe / then that you so sholde
¶ This at the last / but that I haue forgotten
I thought in mynde / to say fare well
I trowe cockes body I am forspoken
I wolde you were at the deuyll of hell
[...]

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