More knaues yet? The knaues of spades and diamonds. With new additions. Rowlands, Samuel, 1570?-1630? 1613 Approx. 52 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 25 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2005-12 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A68679 STC 21392.3 ESTC S121856 99857018 99857018 22678

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Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A68679) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 22678) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 858:10, 1780:15) More knaues yet? The knaues of spades and diamonds. With new additions. Rowlands, Samuel, 1570?-1630? [48] p. : ill. (woodcuts) [Printed by Edward Allde for John Tap, London : 1613?] Dedication signed: Samuel Rowlands. In verse. Title page in red and black. Imprint below "London" cropped in most complete known copy; remainder supplied by STC. Signatures: A-F⁴. Vertical chain lines. Identified as STC 21392 on UMI microfilm reel 858. Reproductions of the original in the Henry E. Huntington Library and Art Gallery. Appears at reel 858 and at reel 1780 (same copy filmed twice).

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More Knaues yet.

The Knaues of Spades and Diamonds.

With new Additions.

LONDON

THE EPISTLE TO any Man, but eſpecially to Fooles and Mad-men. FOR cuſtome ſake, and for no other cauſe, Seeing enſample Imitation drawes, I am content to vſe a Dedication, Which ſhall be framed of a new-found faſhion, Not vnto this, or that, great mighty Lord, To flatter what his bounty will affoord, Nor vnto ſuch a rare and worthy Knight, To praiſe him farre beyond his worſhips right. Nor to this Maddam, and the tother Lady, My freeborne Muſe is o ſuch ſeruile baby, I will not fawne with Matchleſſe, valorous, Rarely renown'd, diuine Ingenious; Admired wonder, Map of clemency, Applauded, lauded magnanimity, The Mercurie of perfect eloquence, True ſpheare of bountie and Magnificence: The feirce and cruell warre God at the ſharpe: Appollo's better on the Lute and Harpe. Olde Hector's ouer-match at Pike and Launce, Diſgrace to Inno for a ſtately daunce, The very Noneſuch of true courteſie, A Treaſurer to liberallity, No, I will call men by their owne names thus: To the prophane and graceleſſe impious, To careleſſe creatures brutiſhly inclynd; To humane ſhape, poſſeſt with deuils mind. To wretched worldling, either he or ſhee: To fooles and mad-men, ſuch as moſt men bee. To them that ne're will thanke me for my paine: And ſuch of whome I doe expect no gaine. Samuel Rowlands.
The Knaues, of Spades and Diamonds. OVR fellow Harts did late Petition frame To Cardmakers, ſome better ſutes to claime. And for vs all, did ſpeake of all our wrongs: Yet they to whome redreſſe her ein belongs Amend it not, and little hope appeares. I thinke before the Conqueſt many yeares, We wore the faſhion which we ſtill retaine: But ſeeing that our ſute is ſpent in vaine, Weele mend our ſelues as meanes in time doth grow, Accepting what ſome other friends beſtow, As now the honeſt Printer hath beene kinde, Bootes, and Stockings, to our Legs doth finde Garters, Polonia Heeles, and Roſe Shooe ſtrings, Which ſomewhat vs two Knaues in faſhion brings. From the Knee downeward, Legs are well amended, And we acknowledge that we are befreinded; And will requite him for it as we can: A knaue ſometime may ſerue an honeſt man, To doe him pleaſure, ſuch a chance may fall, Although indeed no truſt in knaues at all. He that muſt vſe them, take this rule from mee, Still truſt a knaue no further then you ſee. Well, other friends I hope we ſhall beſeech For the great large abhominable breech Like Brewers Hopſacks: yet ſince new they be Each knaue will haue them, and why ſhould not we Some Laundreſſe we alſo will entreat, For Bands and Ruffes, which kindnes to be great We will confeſse, yea and requite it too, In any ſeruice that poore knaues can doe, Scarffes we do want to hang our weapons by, If any puncke will deale ſo courteouſly, As in the way of fauour to beſtow-them, Rare cheating trickes we will proteſt to owe them. Or any pander with aring in seare, That is a gentleman (as he doth ſweare) And will affoord vs hats of neweſt blocke, A paire of Cards ſhall be his trade and ſtocke, To get his liuing by for lacke of Lands, Becauſe he ſcornes to ouerworke his hands, And thus ere long we truſt we ſhall be fitted, Thoſe knaues that cannot ſhift, are ſhallow witted.

The Knaue of Diamonds promiſed before, That he would be for Sea, and Spade for Shore.
Neptunes owne Knauery. THe Ocean Monarch Neptune, in whoſe Pallace, Thetis, with all her Mermaids made abode: Mounted the crooked Dolphin for his ſolace, And from his Court vnto the Shore he rode, Where he encounterd with his luſtfull eyes, A richer beauty then was Paris prize. Caneus, ſweeteſt faire Theſſalian mayd, Her did his luſt with rauiſhment defile: As Tarquin delt with Lucreſe, ſo he play'd. The Dolphin was his pander: all the while, To Iupiter ſhee did lament the rape: And he transform'd her into manly ſhape.
The Picture of a Pirat. MY dwelling is vpon the raging waues, My houſe by ſtormes is toſt and carried ſtill: My ſeruants are a crew of theeuiſh Knaues, To Neptunes rage I Tennant am at will, My Neighbours are the Monſters of the Seas: The great Leuiathan, and worſe then theſe. My life is ſpent in all outragious euils, Vertue abhors the place of my abode: My Ship is man'd euen with Incarnate deuils, My heart (with Dauid's foole) denies a God, And thoſe ſame lawes (they ſay) he gaue to men: My lawleſſe nature keepes not one of ten. When for a time I haue run on my race, As former Pirates, my vngratious Fellowes: I muſt expect a fatall dying place: And make account to Anker at the Gallowes: There like a Swan, to ſing my dying hower, That liu'd a Rauen, onely to deuoure.
To a Reprobate Pirat that hath renounced Chriſt and is turn'd Turke. THou wicked lumpe of onely ſin, and ſhame, (Renouncing Chriſtian faith & Chriſtian name) A villaine, worſe then he that Chriſt betray'd, His Maiſter, for Gods Son, he ne're denay'd, But did confeſſe him Iuſt and Innocent, When with his bribe backe to the Prieſts he went. Thou that art worſe then deuils, they confeſt Chriſt was the Son of God, thou Helliſh Beaſt, That haſt liu'd curſed Theife vpon the Seas, And now a Turke on ſhore doſt take thine eaſe, Like a deuouring monſter in a den, All that thou haſt, being ſpoyles of other men. Thou that doeſt ſerue both Turke, and deuill ſo well, Thou ſeek'ſt to draw (as they doe) ſoules to Hell, Hauing a garment ready in thy hall, For him that next from Chriſtian Faith doth fall, Receiue this warning from thy natiue Land; Gods fearefull Iudgements (villaine) are at hand. Deuils attend, Hell fier is prepar'd: Perpetuall flames is reprobates Re-ward.
The Fox taken, comming to take. STrange is the ſtrife, where Sathan is deuided, Two theeues would haue a true mans cauſe decided Betweene them twaine, for taking him at Seas, Or elſe they ſwore each other to diſpleaſe. One would haue all the ready Coyne was found For boarding firſt, were it ten thouſand pound; And then the other goods, equall diuide: Quoth tother, firſt ile ſincke euen by thy ſide. So too't they goe with fierce and cruell fight, Vntill the one of them was ſonke downe right, And tother had his men euen almoſt ſlaine: And thoſe ſore wounded, did aliue remaine, With that the priſoners being in the prize, For their recouery, with themſelues deuiſe, And of a manly reſolution, fall Vpon the Pirats, and ſubdue them all. Recouering that ſea-loſſe they had before, So brought them kindly to be hang'd a ſhore. And the old ancient Prouerbe true did make, Some Fox is taken when he comes to take.
Like will to Like. SEa Theife, and Land Theife, met by accident, Vpon the way: and ſo conſorted went, Vnto a Towne, where they together Inne: There talke in what great dangers they haue bin, And in their cups compariſons did make: Which of them did moſt danger vndertake. I (quoth purſe-taker) that doe liue a Land, Prepare my foes to fight, in bidding ſtand, Drawing my weapon like a Martiall man, Hauing no woodden wals to hide me than, And creepe into a Cabbin from a ſhot: Quoth tother, ſlaue, my goods is manlier got A thouſand times, then ſuch night-crowes and Owles, That lurke in buſhes, like hedge-creeping fowles, And cowardly vpon a man will ſet: Through fire and water I my liuing get, By thundring ſhot and ſtormy raging ſeas, When thou wilt picke a pocket at thine eaſe. Pocket (quoth he) and ſtabs him ſodainly: Tother againe with ponyard did reply, Each charging th'other for an arrant theife. So Conſtable came in, and to be breife, Wapping, and Tyburne chaunc'd to be their ends: And ſo the hangman made them quiet friends.
Lightly come, Lightly goe. CAptaine, ti's we do make things cheape or deare, As by our peny-worths it doth appeare. A yard with vs is iuſt in length a pike: To buy ſilkes ſo, what man is't will diſlike, Or ſay we vſe our cuſtomers amiſſe? Your London meaſure (friends) comes ſhort of this, Bee't three pile Veluet, Sattin, Taffaty, A Souldiers Pike's the Ell we meaſure by. Thus much for Mercers: next for Grocers trade, Our weight is like vnto our meaſure made, Our pound's a Cannon bullet, good downe waight, In Spice, or Suger, this is no deceit. Then for our wines (the ſqueaking Vintners Art) WE can affoord them for a penny a quarte. Yea fill yon pintes euen by the bucket full, But how can this be, ſaith ſome ſimple gull, That neuer trauail'd out of Bow bell ſound? Marry Sim-ſimple heare and ſtand thy ground. That which we haue, we ſteale from friends and foes, It comes good cheape, and ſo good cheape it goes.
When theeues fall out true men come by their goods. WHen theeues fall out, it hath bin often known, True men by their contention get their own. A ſharing ſort, extreamely did fall out For true mens goods, they long had been about At ſeas (a theeuing) and being come a ſhore: Some had too much, and others claimed more. So 'mongſt them all there was extreame adoe, For that which none of them had right vnto. To law they durſt not goe about their claime, Fearing 'twould out how they had got the ſame. So in a furie euen as hot as fier: To fight it out in field they had deſire. And being met in ſtrange tumultuous ſort: Great companies to ſee them did reſort, Who (after many wounds) do part the fray: And carry thoſe that doe the burt away. They that were wounded made account to dye, And therefore told the truth moſt willingly, Of this contention how the quarrell grew: So true men got their owne, and theeues their due.
All's Fiſh that comes to net. THeſe damned Dice (I thinke) if truth were known, Are made of diuels horne, or Diues bone. Aboue a hundred pound I loſt laſt night, But woe to them that next appeare in ſight: For whome they are, or whence ſo e're they bee, My money double and their deaths Ile ſee. Bring me a Canne of wine boy, quickly lad, Put in Gun-powder, for ile drinke me mad. Get cords and ſticks to turne about their braines: They'le ne're confeſſe vnleſſe a man take paines, And wring it out of them euen in deſpight: Or burne their fingers ends with candle light. Where they haue hid their money they'le denie: What mercy to ſuch villaines, that will lie To gentlemen like we, that ventrous winne, And haue no other trade of comming in? I make aſmuch account to kill a flea, As rob my father if we meet at ſea. Be who it will, a ſtranger or my brother: Conſcience is one thing, ſtealing is another. As Conſtables forget their friends in watch: So weele know no man, when his goods we catch.
Falſe Knaues will neuer be true. TWo wicked villaines of the curſed crue, Did vow to be vnto each other true; In all they got vpon the high way ſide, What ere it was, moſt equall to diuide. Remaining ſharers thus, too well they ſped, Till one of them fell ſicke and kept his bed. The partner theife, then took the trade alone, And deſp'ratly did venter, fearing none. As phraſe is vſd, without both feare or wit, Many bold robberies he did commit, And ſcapt them all, but yet with many a wound, Meane time the other was recouered ſound: And comes to queſtion with his fellow theefe, Acquainting him with wants and money griefe: Demanding of him by their league and vow, The halfe that he had gotten to allow, For fellow (ſaith he) we are bound by oath, To ſhare all purchaſe equall twixt vs both. Tis true (quoth tother) Ile not be forſworne, To breake my promiſe with thee, I do ſcorne. So drawes a Bag of mony, and his ſword, And ſayes behold, I meane to keepe my word, There's halfe the mony for thee thou doſt craue, And come and take thee halfe the wounds I haue We will be halfes aſwell in th'one as th'other, Ile bate you not a ſcar, good Theefe ſworne brother, When he had heard his reſolution thus, Pray' Iudas (quoth he) keepe the Bagge for vs, Share wounds, I like not, thou maiſt ſheath thy blade Weele haue a Scriuener, when next match is made.
Cureleſſe, and Careleſſe. IN cruell ſtormes at Sea, and great diſtreſſe. The rage of Neptune ſeeming mercileſſe, Ship-wracke expected, each man full of greife, A deſp'rate fellow fell to eate ſalt Beefe: Feeding ſo greedy that the reſt admir'd, And what might moue him therevnto requir'd? Marry (quoth he) you ſee we muſt be drown'd, And I doe feede vpon ſalt Meat, thus ſound, As the beſt victuals to cauſe thirſt, Ithinke. For we in Sea ſhall haue but too much drinke.
One good turne asketh another. ONe put a ieſt on's wife, (whoſe name I ſhow not) To try her wit or pacience, which, I know not. Walking together, they a wench did meet, A proper one, of beautie paſſing ſweet, Of whome, vnto his wife (my loue he ſaid) Behold and note well yonder dainty Maid, She was my Miſtris ere I met with thee, A kinder creature I did neuer ſee, So affable and gentle in her louing, That of her like I neuer had the prouing, But ſhe hath one exceeding imperfection, Neglecting euen her credit's chiefe protection: For, what we wantons, euer did amiſſe, She told her Mother, euen to a kiſſe. Husband (quoth ſhe) that proues your wench a foole, My ſelfe am better taught in Venus Schoole, For ere I met with you, I lou'd yong-men, And we had meetings too like Cocke and Hen: But I was neuer ſuch a ſeely aſſe To tell my Mother what good ſport did paſſe: Troth wife (quoth he) I hope you do but ieſt: Husband (ſaid ſhe) becauſe plaine dealing's beſt, If you meane earneſt, or your ſelfe belye, Iuſt in the humor you are, ſo am I.
Like Maiſter like Man. TWo Seruing-men, or rather two men ſeruers. (For vnto God they were but ill deſeruers,) Conferd together kindly, Knaue, with Knaue, What fitting Maiſters, for their turnes they haue Mine (quoth the one) is of a bountious ſprite, And in the Tauerne will be drunke all night: Spending moſt lauiſhly he knowes not what, But I haue wit to make good vſe of that. Mine (quoth the tother) loues to drinke carowſe And is for Tauerne and for bawdy houſe. For if he meet a whoore that's to his mind, No money parts them, oh hee's pockey kind, He hath ſome humors very ſtrange and odde: As euery day at Church, and ne're ſerue God With ſecret hidden vertues otherwayes, As often on his knees, yet neuer prayes, Quoth tother how doſt proue this obſcure talke? Why man he haunts the Church, that's Paules to walke, And for his often being on the knee, Tis drinking healths, as drunken humors be. It's paſſing good (I doe proteſt) quoth tother, I thinke thy maiſter be my maiſters brother, For ſure in qualities they may be kinne: Thoſe very humors he is daily in, For drinking healths, and being churched ſo, They cheeke by iowle, may with each other goe, But pre thee let vs two in loue goe drinke, And on theſe matters, for our profit thinke, To handle ſuch two maiſters, turne vs looſe, Sheare thou the ſheepe, and I will plucke the gooſe.
To the olde yong Man. TH'art old and graue, and onely fit for graue, And haſt all griefes that aged gray ones haue, Deafe eares, blind eyes, the palfie, gout, and mur, And cold would kill thee but for fire and fur. Yet thou doſt hate to heare of old and weake, And of thy end wilt neither thinke or ſpeake, Nor meaſure life by length of Dauids ſpan, But wilt be held a ſtrong and luſty man, Well, ſince thy age of youth doth loue to lye, Ile ſay th'art yong (in grace) to learne to dye.
The Country cunning Man. STand backe you figure ſtingers, and giue place, Here's goodman Goſling will you all diſgrace. You that with heauen's 12. houſes deale ſo hie, You oft want chambers for your ſelues to lie. Wiſe Goſling, did but heare the ſcrich-owle crie, And told his wife, and ſtraight a pigge did die. Another time, (after that ſcuruie Owle) When Ball his Dog at twelue a clocke did howle, He iogd his wife, and ill lucke Madge did ſay, And Fox by morning ſtole a Gooſe away. Beſides he knowes foule weather, raine or haile, Euen by the wagging of his dun Cowes taile. When any Theeues, his Hens and Duckes purſew, He knowes it by the Candles burning blew. Or if a Rauen cry iuſt o're his head, Some in the Towne haue loſt their maiden head. For loſſe of Cattell, and for fugitiues, Heele find out with a Siue, and ruſtie kniues. His good daies are when's Chaffer is well ſold, And bad daies when his wife doth braule and ſcold.
To the Saint in ſhew, and Deuill in practiſe. THou beſt of all men, for thy outſide praiſe, Yet worſt of all men as thy inſide faies, That like a Tradeſmans ware vpon his ſtall, Sets out the good, to vtter bad withall. Thou doeſt abhor all ſwearing (and doſt well) Yet for thy gaine a lie wilt ſmoothly tell. Thou hat'ſt a drunkards vice (which hate is good) Yet wilt deceiue, pretending Brother-hood. Thou doeſt condemne the Prodigals expence, Yet wilt embrace the Vſurers offencè, And in a word thou think'ſt it may ſuffice, If thou canſt maske thy ſins from humane eies, Conſorting with the vertuous and moſt ciuill, Like Iobs audacious, bold and ſaucie deuill: Who compaſſing the earth (ſoules to moleſt) Amongſt the Sons of God, ſtood with the beſt: How euer thou doſt thinke thy faults obſcure, And mak'ſt account to be eſtee med pure, There is an eye that no man can delude, Such hypocrites, from mercie will exclude.
The Country Cormorant. WIfe 'tis the onely yeare ſince we were borne, To make vs rich by hording vp our corne, I heare rare newes, the markets riſe apace: The world will mend if this hold out a ſpace. Within my barne is that muſt bring in Gold, Wheat, Rie, and Barlie will be brauely ſold. Let theſe ſame hungry needy Rats and Myce Famiſh, I care not, I will haue my price, And let ſpice conſcience fellows talke their fill, Mine owne's mine owne, to vſe it as I will: Shall I be taught to buie and ſell by any? No, Ile make profit to the vtmoſt penny, Let our ſir Domine preach peace and plenty, And let me ſell my wheat by buſhell at twenty, For all his prating I not care a fig, I know he will not looſe a tything pig, Nor will I let aduantage ſlip away: If this yeare (wife) proue not as I doe ſay, Ile take a halter and go hang me then. Let all that hate a villaine, ſay, Amen.
Patience Perforce. A Quiet man (to wrath and anger ſlow) Match'd with a queane (a moſt ſhe-deuill ſhrow) That kept him in obedience with her fiſt, To doe, or leaue vndone, euen what ſhe liſt. Vpon a time (choller growne very hot, Againſt the haire) a broken pate he got, But patiently wore night cap ſickeman like, And vow'd a woman he would neuer ſtrike, Being content to pocket that abuſe, And keepe true manhood for a better vſe. A friend met with him, and demanded why He wore a linnen cap ſo penſiuely? Alas (quoth he) ſorrow doth much offend, My wife's ſo ill I feare ſhe n'ere will mend, No Doctor that will vndertake her cure, For greife where of great head-ache I endure. And had beſides a flux of blood of late To thinke vpon her deſperate eſtate: Shee's ſenceleſſe growne, and will no reaſon heare, And ſo will lie long on my hand I feare. When the fit comes ſhe is outragious mad, Oh tis an old diſeaſe her mother had, Runs through the blood, becauſe t'was bred i'th bone, But here's my comfort, I am not alone: Diuers my Neighbours I doe vnderſtand, Haue wiues with like diſeaſes on their hand, Whoſe fits they muſt endure as I doe mine, Which makes me beare my croſſe with leſſe repine. A Doctor that did view her vrine late, Hath thus deſcrib'd her deſperate eſtate, She hath a female frenzie in the braine, Her tongue the cureleſſe palſie doth containe, In ſpeach growne ſenceleſſe, reaſon doth abhor it, Her heart is heart-burn'd, there's no cooling for it: Her ſtomacke full of choller, corrupt gall, Her fingers, fiſts, and nailes, rancke venim all, No potion, nor no pill, can do her good, Sweet gentle Doctor Death come let her blood.
Tobacco carted to Tyburne. A Fleming late that kild one with a knife, Carried by cart to end his wretched life, Toward Tibur •• riding did Tobacco take, (To purge his head againſt his heeles did ſhake.) But I durſt lay ten pounds to twenty ſhilling, To take his purge no wiſe-man will be willing: Though Engliſhmen are apt for imitation, Yet Maiſters, let the Dutchman keepe his faſhion: For howſoere it with his liking ſtood, The ſmoaking did his choaking little good.
To ſmokey Noſes, and ſtinking Noſtrils. GReat Iupiter being at a ſolemne feaſt With all the Gods, Vulcan that ſootie beaſt, A Pipe of his Tabacco fell to drinke: Venus diſpleas'd, ſaid fye ſweet loue you ſtinke, And I am ſure that Iuno you offend: Neither will Pallas hold you for her friend, Ceres will ſay the fume will blaſt her corne, And Floraes flowers ſuch lothſome ſmell 〈◊〉 ſcorne, Put vp your pipe, ſmoke here no more you 〈◊〉 The very ſteeme makes Mars his armor ruſt, And cloudes Appolloe's glorious ſun-bright face, Saturne you ſee ſpits at it in diſgrace, What rhume's in Bacchus eyes, how red they looke? How long iſt loue ſince you Tobacco tooke? Marry (quoth he) late ſitting on my trough, (With that he whift till all the Gods cry'd fough) Came a young deuill of th'infernall nation, And brought me that with Plutoes commendation. And ſaid, to drinke with me he had deſire, Becauſe I traded like to him with fire. Now they drinke neither wine, nor ale, nor beare, But fire, and ſtinke, and ſmoke, as this is here. When Ioue heard this, well Vulcan (quoth he) well, For ſhame let vs diſtinguiſh Heauen from Hell. Caſt hence your rowle, and your Tobacco ball: Or elſe with thunder ile deſtroy it all, My lightning ſhall conſume it from your Noſe, With that from Heauen Mercury it throwes, And downe amongſt the Blackamores it lights: Whome Ioues wing'd Herald did ſuppoſe were ſprites. So by that error they Tobacco got, And fell to ſmoke it very burning hot, As common and frequent with euery Moore, As with th'infernall furies t'was before. Not long fire drinking was at their diſpoſe, But that the ſmell came to the Spaniards Noſe, And he would teach his braine ſome ſmother too; French, Dutch, Italian, they the like would doe: But th'Engliſh to diſgrace them all did ſtriue, His Noſe ſhould ſmoke with any Noſe aliue. Thus like an ill weed that growes faſt, 'tis come, To ſtinke in Noſtrils throughout Chriſtendome, So that of moſt it may be truely ſpoke, Their tongues yeeld idle breath, their Noſes ſmoke.
To beggerly Contention. GOoſe late ſude gooſe, for goodman Ganders land, And Fox the Lawyer tooke the cauſe in hand: Whoſe long demurs, and new delaies together, Left both of them in th'end not worth a feather. Then being brought as poore, as poore might be: Fooles they fell out, and beggers thus agree; Each tooke a man, to end their idle brawle, Who made them friends when Fox had finger'd all.
To a Domeſticall Cowardly Coxcombe. IT ſaues thy head from many a bloudy knocke, To play the Hen and let thy wife turne Cocke, Thou dar'ſt not chide, thy wife hath tongue at will, Thou dar'ſt not fight, thy wife hath Fencers skill, Thou dar'ſt not ſpeake, if ſhe diſlike thy ſpeech, Thou dar'ſt do nothing, ſhe hath won the breech.
On an ill Conſcience. THe wicked wretch whom inward guilt doth ſting, Moſt trembling hearted fearing euery thing, He feareth God, for God's his enemy, Sathan he feares to be tormented by, He feares all creatures 'gainſt him will aſſemble, He feares himſelfe, himſelfe doth make him tremble.
To Machiauill the Deuils Stateſman. TO thee that art impos'd of villanie, The Deuils States-man for all trecherie. That art of that religion beares moſt ſway, A Papiſt now, a Proteſtant next day, Or any thing with any man for gaine: That canſt all humors flatt'ring entertaine, To pleaſe the world, that it may pleaſure thee, Iuſt faſhon'd as incarnate Deuils bee, With gluttons, Diues: murderers, a Caine: With Theeues, an Achan: and with Indas traine, A falſe and bloody vile Iſcariot, That wilt be brib'd to any damned plot. With Corah's crew, murmuring malecontent, Grudging at Maieſtrate, and gouernment, To thee that in thy life deny'ſt ſaluation, A wilfull worker of thine owne damnation, Know that thy howers doe haſten on to death, And that a Deuill at thy parting breath, Will find that ſoule, which thou deny'ſt to haue, And all thy life thou did'ſt neglect to ſaue.
To Mr. Mony-bag the Vſurer. THat riches ſwell the heart, it ſeemes by thee, For th'art as bold with God as wretch may bee, Who in more fearefull caſe hath euer bin, Then he that ſtoutly dar s diſpute a ſin. Gods law endures no change nor alteration, It is not formed after humane faſhion. That which he once decrees remaineth ſtill, He that hath ſaid thou ſhalt not ſteale, nor kill, Blaſpheme his name, commit adultery: That dreadfull God prohibites vſury, There is no place in all his ſacred Booke, Doth tollerate that int'reſt may be tooke, Yet thou doſt hold it a good chriſtian trade, And very honeſt gaines thereby is made, Tis but gratuitie that men doe giue: And were it not there's thouſands could not liue. Well ten j'th hundred, th'aſt a friend in hell, Tis thought he got his mony eu'n aſwell. For tis not ſaid he liu'd vpon his land, Or got his wealth by any Tradeſmans hand, Or that he was a Marchant, none of theſe, But he was onely rich, and tooke his eaſe. And who more eaſie gathers riches then The Churle that gaines by ſweat of other men? Yet to the poore that pyning mourn'd and wept, He was more dogged then the Dogs he kept, For they lickt ſores when he deny'd his cromes: But when the ender of all mortalls comes, Pale Death, and brings the deuill for his due, To carry thee vnto the howling crew, Then ſhalt thou cry with horrors fearefull ſound, Oh wearie waies on earth I wretch haue found, The Sun of righteouſnes yeelds me no grace; Come hils and hide me from the Iudges face, Whoſe heauie wrath and iuſt incenſed ire, Hath ſentenc'd me to euerlaſting fire.
To complement the diſſembling Counterfait. A Smooth-tongu'd fellow of our Citty faſhion, That with what lacke you? giues his ſalutation: And fleering fawnes, and fawning flatterers all, Claim'd quaintance of a country-man at's ſtall, Demaunding how his friends and neighbours fare, And if he wanted any of his ware? The Country fellow by the fiſt did take him, And in plaine ruſticke manner did beſhake him, He leaues the hand, and giues him the embrace, Aboue the Knees, the Thighes, and piſſing place, Sir, ſaies the clowne forbeare, it is enough, You once deceiu'd me in a piece of ſtuffe, Which makes me thinke the world is wondrous grown In outward trickes, to that which I haue knowne. The time hath beene, on tearmes men did not ſtand, But bargaines held, with ſhaking by the hand, Now in the armes we doe embrace each other, And in the heart falſe Knauery doe ſmother, Well Citizen, friend Tradeſman, and ſo forth, Your kindnes is ſcarſce God a mercy worth: I like a handfull of old loue and true, Better then theſe whole armefuls of your new.
Harme watch, Harme catch. OF late when Boreas bluſtring blaſts had blowne Down mighty trees, & chimnies tops orethrown: In th'interim of this fierce combuſtious weather, A Tyler and a Surgion met together, Whoſe congees paſt, and ſalutations don, The Tylers further ſpeach he thus begun: This wind he ſaith blowes profit ſtill to mee, In liew whereof, two pots ile giue to thee, The motions lik'd, and ſo they paſſe the ſtreet, Till with a painted Lattis they doe meet, The ſounding well they like, ſo in they went, And budge not till the Tylers pots were ſpent, When comming forth with ſage and ſober gate, Downe drops a Tyle vpon the Tylers pate, Who ſeeing the bloud run downe his cheekes amaine, Amaz'd he cryed that he was almoſt ſlaine. The Surgion hauingh's box of plaſters there: Straight ſtancht the blood to put him out of feare, And ſaith withall, twas more then he did know, The ſelfe ſame wind to him ſhould profit blow, But ſeeing I was beholding to the aire: In liquid ſubſtance you ſhall haue a ſhare, So in againe they goe, and twixt them twaine, They dranke out part of what they hope to gaine.
To all Londons Naballs. LIke to the body of ſome carion beaſt, Whereon the Rauens and the Crows doe feaſt, So is't with churliſh miſers when they die, To ſhare their goods their friends and kinsfolks hye, Who rifle cheſts and ranſacke bags of gold: When they with Diues are in deuils hold.
On vaine and curious Monuments. WHat truſt of future praiſe in ſenceleſſe ſtones, Containing rotten and worme-eaten bones? What doe the gazers on report, but this? Faire Monument wherein fowle carcaſe is. Vertue dies not, her fame her ſelfe will raiſe: Let them truſt Tombs that haue out-liu'd their praiſe.
Of a wicked Maieſtrate. A Wicked Maieſtrate is like to thoſe That ſhoot at birds in pieces and ſtone-bowes, As with one eye their leuell they attaine, So tother wincke at faults, and ſhoot at gaine. For if a bribe doe entertainment find, Iuſtice muſt feele, becauſe her eyes be blind.
To a Gentleman foole. THou boaſts of ſcutchions, armes, & high deſcent, That on fooles legges euen from thy cradle went. What credite to an idiot will ariſe, To heare him ſay he had a father wife? What honour can from Anceſtor proceed To foole his ſon, that ne're did vertuous deed?
The Picture of a Swagerer. A Bedlam looke, ſhag haire, and ſtaring eyes, Horſe courſers tongue, for oths and damned lies, A Pickt-hatch paire of pockey limping legs, And goes like one that ſees in ſhackles begs. A Noſe that ſmoketh with Tobacco ſtill, Stinking as lothſome as doth Hecla hill. His fiſt with hang-mans fire-worke cloſely fild, His itching backe with Bridewell medicine kild, His Rapier pawn'd, that borrowed which he weares, And dares not ſee a Sergeant for his eares. His richeſt ware-houſe is a greaſie pocket, And two pence in Tobacco ſtill doth ſtocke it, His bootes that keepe his legs from nakedneſſe, Holding a paire of ſtockins but exceſſe) Came to him from a friend that late did dye, Being indeed a Tyburne legacie. For there they cap'red to their owners paine, And there he meanes to bring them backe againe. Which ſhowes ſome conſcience in the curſed crew, That will not cheate the hangman of his due.
To the Deuils Secretarie. HOw can a man refraine but he muſt laugh, To ſee old birds deceiu'd and caught with chaffe? This age hath beene by ſuch experience taught, A man would thinke no Conie could be caught. VVho will be drawne at Dice and Cards to play, VVith one he meets as ſtranger on the way, And be fetch'd in for all that's in his purſe, Except ſome franticke madman, foole, or worſe? I pitty not ſuch aſſes, I haue knowne To borrow mony when th'aue loſt their owne, To feed a cheater in his rogiſh play, Yea from their backs haue pawn'd their cloaks away, Such rather ought with ſhame to be derided, That of their wits haue been ſo ill prouided, Nor ſuch as will in ſecret (like cloſe Foxes) Be guld with theſe ſame gold and counter boxes, Made both as like in faſhion and in ſhow, As thoſe are like to fooles, are couſned ſo. For when they thinke they haue good gold in pawne, On which ſome twentie pounds away is drawne, Viewing the lyning of the box within, They find but copper Counters, lead, or tinne. But roome for one that thinkes his art far better, The deuils ſecretarie with his letter, And tels you he is ſent from ſuch a friend, For certaine mony he entreats you lend, And for aſſurance, ſhews the parties hand, Whereby his meaning you may vnderſtand. Or with acquittance, elſe to you he's ſent From ſuch a Lord or Lady, for ſome rent, Hauing their hands ſo cunning counterfait, Many are wronged with moſt falſe deceit. But Plutoe's pen-man you did late miſtake The deuils errand for your Maiſters ſake, To bring a letter in a Maltmans name Vnto a Brewer, twenty pounds to claime. Such cuſtomers they neuer will abide, The deuils Malt is filthy ouer-dride: It ſtincks of Brimſtone, bad for beere and ale, As you by this 〈◊〉 ſtincke in Newgate Iayle. Where we will leaue you till the Cart do call, To ride vp Holborneto the Hangmans Hall, To be made free, after ſome howers ſwing, To cheate, to coſen, to doe any thing.
To a Gormondizing Glutton. ONe like to 〈◊〉 for a monſtrous eater, Or rather of a glutton ſomewhat greater, Inuited was vnto a Gentleman, Who long'd to ſee the fame Hungarian, And note his feeding: being ſet to dinner, A leg of Mutton was the firſt beginner. Next he deuoured vp a loyne of Veale, Vpon foure Capons then his teeth did deale. And ſent them downe into his pudding houſe, So tooke the cup, and drinking a carowſe, Fell to his Rabe s, and diſpatching foure, Some wiſht him choakt that he might eat no more. After all this he tooke bake't-meats in hand, And ſpared nothing did before him ſtand. The Gentleman then tooke a bowle of wine, And drinking to his gueſt (the filthy ſwine) Said, you are welcome ſir, I pray you eate, Me thinks your ſtomacke doth not like my meate, I thanke you ſir (quoth he) for your good will, But all laſt night I haue been very ill, And that's the cauſe my ſtomacke is but ſmall, When I am well ile make amends for all. If this be thy ſicke feeding, ſhame require thee, When thou art well the deuill ſhall inuite thee.
Fooles and Babes tell true. TWo friends that met would giue each other wine, And made their entrance at next buſh and ſigne, Calling for Clarret, which they did agree, (The ſeaſon hot) ſhould qualified bee With water and ſugar, ſo the ſame being brought, By a new boy in Vintners trickes vntaught. They bad him quickely bring faire water in, Who lookt as ſtrange as he amaz'd had been. Why doſt not ſtirre (quoth they) with nimble feete? Cauſe Gentlemen (ſaid he) it is not meet To put in too much water in your drinke, For there's enough alreadie, ſure I thinke: Richard the drawer, by my troth I vow, Put in great ſtore of water euen now.
To Madam Maske or Francis Fan. WHen Conq'ring William had ſubdu'd this Land, Saue onely Kent, which oppoſite did ſtand, On tearmes of antient priuiledge they held, The Norman Prince, with all his troops in field, In great amazement on a ſuddaine ſtood, To ſee (as ſeem'd to him) a walking wood, For Kentiſh-men came marching all with bowes, To offer peace, if he their ſute allowes, If not, to fight it out with manly blowes, Before their Priuiledges they would loſe. Like wandring wood, as did that time appeare, May now be met withall in euery Sheire, Women are vp in armes on euery ſide, About a priuiledge they claime in pride. Brauing it out with woods vpon their backes, Except the Husband his poore Tenant rackes, And deales extreamely in the hardeſt manner, There is no peace, but with the bloudy banner, They ſound defiance and domeſticke warre, Such Peacocke-tailes proud fooliſh women are.
Or thus. WHen men amazed at their buſines ſtood, A ſpeech was vſed; Faith I am in a wood: To make an end of that ſame wooden phraſe, There's order taken for it now a daies, To cut downe wood with all the ſpeed they can, Transforming trees to maintaine Maske and Fan, So that the former ſpeech being errour tryed, A new way turn'd it muſt be verified. My Ladies worſhip euen from head to foot, Is in a wood (nay ſcarſe two woods will doo't) To ſuch a height Lucifers ſinne is growne, The deuill, pride, and Maddam, are all one. Rents raiſd, woods ſold, houſe-keeping laid aſide, In all things ſparing for to ſpend on pride. The poore complaining Country thus doth ſay, Our Fathers lopt the boughs of trees away; We that more skill of greedy gaine haue found, Cut downe the bodies leuill with the ground. The age that after our date ſhall ſucceed, Will dig vp roots and all, to ſerue their need.
A hote Contention. A Controuerſie there did happen late, Where ſtrangers met about a hot debate, Which I hope (Reader) ne're ſhall trouble vs: A ſweating thing, cald Morbus Gallicus, The Frenchman ſwore they did his Nation wrong That ſaid the pox did vnto them belong, Giuing it nick names by the tearme of French, As though no other had the fault to wench. For he would proue to the Italians face, That it was borrow'd from their ſtocke and race. Th'Italian look'd vpon him ſterne and grim, And ſaid the Spaniard had it before him, Threatning the Frenchman for his lying ſin, The pox, or he, would pull his Beard from's Chin. The Spaniard vow'd he manifeſt could ſhow, He fetch'd it from the Indies long ago. When firſt they went for Gold and Siluer hether, They brought home mettall, and the pox together. At length came certaine Engliſh, Scots, and Dutch. Who hearing their contention grow ſo much, Would take vpon them an arbitterment To make all friends, ſo vnto cups they went, Powring in wine, taking Tobacco ſo, Vpon them all the Frenchman did beſtow His pockey kindnes, which doth ſo appeare, That none can boaſting ſay, his Nations cleare.
Of Ghoaſts and Goblins. IN old wines daies, that in old time did liue. (To whoſe odde tales much credit men did giue) Great ſtore of Goblins, Fairies, Bugs, Night-mares, Vrchins, and Elues, to many a houſe repaires. Yea far more Sprites did haunt in diuers places. Then there be women now weare deuils faces. Amongſt the reſt was a good fellow deuill, So cal'd in kindnes, cauſe he did no euill, Knowne by the name of Robin (as we heare) And that his eyes as broad as ſawcers were, Who came nights and would make Kitchins cleane, And in the bed bepinch a lazie queane. Was much in Mils about the grinding Meale, (And ſure (I take it) taught the Miller ſteale) Amongſt the Creame-bowles & Milke-pans would be, And with the Country wenches, who but he To waſh their diſhes for ſome Freſh-cheeſe hire: Or ſet their Pots and Kettles 'bout the fire. Twas a mad Robin that did diuers pranckes, For which with ſome good cheare they gaue him thāks, And that was all the kindnes he expected, With gaine (it ſeemes) he was not much infected. But as that time is paſt, that Robin's gone, He and his night-mates are to vs vnknowne, And in the ſteed of ſuch good-fellow Sprites, VVe meet with Robin-bad-fellow a nights, That enters houſes ſecret in the darke, And onely comes to pilfer, ſteale, and ſharke, And as the one made Diſhes cleane (they ſay) The other takes them quite and cleane away. What ere it be that is within his reach, The filching tricke he doth his fingers teach. But as good fellow-Robin had reward, With Milke and Creame that friends for him prepar'd, For being buſie all the night in vaine, (Though in the morning all things ſafe remaine:) Robin-bad-fellow wanting ſuch a ſupper, Shall haue his breakfaſt with a Rope and Butter. To whcih let all his fellowes be invited: That with ſuch deeds of darkneſſe are delighted.
The Seauen deadly Sins all Horſt and riding to Hell. 1 THus rides to Hell the ſeauen deadly ſins, The deuill leads, and Pride the way begins, Mounted vpon a Lyon, ſterne of face, Of ſurley carriage, and as proud a pace. Ambitious, hauty, of vaine-glorious mind, To vaunting and preſumptuous thoughts inclin'd, Boaſting of beauty, riches, kindred, friends: Which like a bubble in a moment ends. 2 Luſt on a Goat afrer her ſiſter Pride, The ſelfe ſame iourney doth conſorted ride. Rich in attire, all outward lures to ſin: Full of diſeaſes, and the pox within. Seducing fooles by her bewitching charmes To buy deſtruction, with ſoules endleſſe harmes. Which ſorrow out of ſeaſon oft bewailes, When vnrepentant ſin of mercie failes. 3 Wrath on a Bore, (incens'd by furious mood) With caſe of Rapiers drawne, and dyed in blood, All cholericke, not caring what he ſpeakes: Nor whome he hurts, nor how the peace he breakes: Vpbraiding all men of a diueliſh hate, Still quarrelling, and wilfull obſtinate, And euer of a damned reſolution, To put his cruell rage in execution. 4 Couetouſnes doth backe an Elephant, He of his wealth and mony ſtill doth vaunt, And counts his poore (though honeſt) neighbour baſe, (Although farre richer then himſelfe in grace) God he neglecteth for the loue of gold, His ſoule for money euery day is ſold, To ſcrape and get his care is night and day, And in a moment Death takes all away. 5 Gluttonie mounted on a greedy Beare, To belly-cheere and banquets lends his eare: Though by exceſſe he finds diſeaſes breeding, Yet his inſatiate gut is euer feeding. With abſtinence he neuer can agree: And ſhunnes the dinner where no gluttons bee. An Epicure, inhumane, brutiſh beaſt, That pampers fleſh, and of his ſoule thinkes leaſt. 6 Enuie vpon a Woolfe; his inſide gall, And neuer ſmiles, except at ſome mans fall, Hates equals, ſcornes ſuperiours, loueth none, Ne're wiſheth good but to himſelfe alone. 7 Sloath on an Aſſe, with heauie pace behind, Of lumpiſh body, and as drowſie mind, Inclin'd to onely eaſe and idleneſſe, Makes vp the ſeauenth for the Deuils meſſe. The Knaues are delt, the Game is plaid, And with this wiſh concludeth Spade: I would all Knaues who ere they bee, Were knowne by ſight as well as wee. FINIS.