A world of vvonders: or An introduction to a treatise touching the conformitie of ancient and moderne wonders or a preparatiue treatise to the Apologie for Herodotus. The argument whereof is taken from the Apologie for Herodotus written in Latine by Henrie Stephen, and continued here by the author himselfe. Translated out of the best corrected French copie. — Apologia pro Herodoto. English

A world of vvonders: or An introduction to a treatise touching the conformitie of ancient and moderne wonders or a preparatiue treatise to the Apologie for Herodotus. The argument whereof is taken from the Apologie for Herodotus written in Latine by Henrie Stephen, and continued here by the author himselfe. Translated out of the best corrected French copie. — Apologia pro Herodoto. English

Table of contents

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Title page

TO THE RIGHT HONORABLE LORDS, WILLIAM Earle of PEMBROKE: PHILIP Earle of MONTGOMERIE: Patrons of learning: patterns of Honor.

THE TRANSLATOR to the Reader.

HENRIE STEPHEN TO THE READER.

HENRIE STEPHEN to his friend.

AN INTRODVCTION TO A TREATISE, TOVCHING THE CONFORMITIE OF AVNCIENT AND MODERNE WONDERS: OR A Preparatiue Treatise in defence of HERODOTVS. Which may also be called, The first booke of the Apologie for Herodotus.

The Preface to the first Part.

CHAP. I. A description of the first Age of the world, called by Poets Saturnes, and the golden Age: and how they haue depraued it with their foolish fictions, as they haue done other histories in the Bible.

CHAP. II. Another description of the first Age of the world (called by Poets Saturnes, and the golden Age) as it is recorded in Scripture, after the fall of our first parents. And in what sence those two Epithets may be giuen to the Age wherein we liue.

CHAP. III. How some haue ascribed too much to Antiquitie, and others derogated too much from it.

CHAP. IIII. How and wherefore certaine Poets so earnestly desired the golden Age.

CHAP. V. How that whatsoeuer Poets haue written of the wickednesse of their times, might haue bene affirmed of the Age last past.

CHAP. VI. How the former Age hath bene reproued by the aforesaid Preachers for all sorts of vices.

CHAP. VII. Of certaine vices reproued in our good Catholickes by the aforesaid Preachers.

CHAP. VIII. How the foresaid Preachers haue discouered certaine abuses in Popish doctrine; and of the couetousnesse of the Popish Cleargie.

CHAP. IX. Wherein is declared, that by how much the wickednesse of the last Age doth exceed the former, by so much ours doth surpasse the last: notwithstanding that vices are better detected, more sharply censured, and seuerely punished then euer they were.

CHAP. X. How that the foresaid Preachers haue left sundry vices vntouched and vncensured.

CHAP. XI. That the notorious and incredible leudnesse of these times doth iustifie that which hath bene spoken of the wickednesse and impietie of the Age last past.

CHAP. XII. Wherein is declared by how much Whoredome is greater, and more notorious at this day, then euer it was.

CHAP. XIII. Of Sodomie, and the sinne against nature, committed at this day.

CHAP. XIIII. Of blasphemies and execrations vsed at this day.

CHAP. XV. Of thefts and robberies committed at this day.

CHAP. XVI. Of the thefts of Merchants, Phisitians, Apothecaries, &c.

CHAP. XVII. Of the thefts and iniustice of Lawyers.

CHAP. XVIII. Of Murthers committed at this day.

CHAP. XIX. Of Crueltie practised at this day.

CHAP. XX. Other examples of the wickednesse of this age, especially of such as terme themselues Cleargy-men.

CHAP. XXI. Of the lechery and whoredome of the Popish Cleargie.

CHAP. XXII. Of the gluttony and drunkennesse of the Popish Cleargie.

CHAP. XXIII. Of thefts and robber is committed by the Popish Cleargie.

CHAP. XXIIII. Of man-slaughters and murthers committed by the Popish Cleargie.

CHAP. XXV. Of Blasphemies vttered by Popish Prelates.

CHAP. XXVI. How that as there are stranger sinnes committed at this day then euer before, so God inflicts stranger punishments vpon the authors and inuentors of them.

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Title page

TO THE HONORABLE KNIGHT SIR ROBERT RICH, AND TO THE VVORTHY GENTLEMAN Maister Henry Rich his brother: sonnes to the right honorable the Lord RICH.

THE SECOND PART OF THE PREPARATIVE TREATISE TO THE APOLOGIE FOR HERODOTVS.

The Preface.

CHAP. XXVII. How some Poets (contrary to the current) haue preferred their owne age before the former, as being much more ciuill, and of farre better grace.

CHAP. XXVIII. Of the rudenesse and rusticitie of our Ancestors in sundry things.

CHAP. XXIX. Of the grosse and blockish ignorance of the Popish Cleargie, especially of the Masse-priests.

CHAP. XXX. How our ancestors suffered the holy Scriptures to be buried in an vnknowne tongue, and corrupted by false glosses and interpretations.

CHAP. XXXI. Of the paraphrasticall expositions vsed by the foresaid Preachers, especially in expounding the historie of the Bible.

CHAP. XXXII. How the foresaid Preachers abused the Scriptures, partly through ignorance, and partly through malice.

CHAP. XXXIII. Of other abuses of Scripture.

CHAP. XXXIIII. Of fables taken out of their Legends, and such like baggage, wherewith they stuffed their Sermons.

CHAP. XXXV. Of sundry sorts of questions, and some no lesse impious then friuolous, wherewith the foresaid Preachers were alwayes ready furnished.

CHAP. XXXVI. Of certaine fine fetches and daintie deuices vsed by the foresaid Preachers to make their auditors laugh or weepe; to winne an opinion of holinesse, and to keepe their kitchins hot: as also of their foolish and ridiculous speeches.

CHAP. XXXVII. Of the subtiltie and profoundnesse of the foresaid Preachers or professors of Diuinitie: as also of the traditions of the Franciscans, Dominickes, &c.

CHAP. XXXVIII. How Church-men gathered great store of riches by their fiue fetches, especially in the dayes of our forefathers: and of their shamelesse and intollerable couetousnesse.

CHAP. XXXIX. How our Ancestors were nuzzeled in ignorance of Christian religion: and how the Popish Cleargie alwaies maintained themselues, notwithstanding their wicked liues were notoriously knowne to the world, and that many of their iugling trickes and false miracles had bene discouered.

CHAP. XL. Wherein is declared how that after posteritie shall haue wondered at the long continued folly of Popish practises and abuses, it wil further wonder how the open discouering of them should haue cost so many men their liues, who were persecuted by the Cleargie: and will iudge this story no lesse strange then sundry recorded by Herodotus.

Faults escaped, thus to be amended.

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A WORLD OF WONDERS: OR AN INTRODVCTION TO A Treatise touching the Conformitie of ancient and moderne wonders: OR A Preparatiue Treatise to the Apologie for HERODOTVS.

The Argument whereof is taken from the Apologie for HERODOTVS written in Latine by HENRIE STEPHEN, and continued here by the Author himselfe.

Translated out of the best corrected French copie.

Plutarch. in Sympos.

[...].

·ANCHORA SPEI·

LONDON, Imprinted for IOHN NORTON. 1607.

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Non iuuat assiduè libros tractare seueros,

Bartole siue tuos, siue Galene tuos.

Sed libet ad dulces etiam descendere lusus,

Atque animum doctis exhilarare iocis.

Omne tulit punctum qui miscuit vtile dulci.

TO THE RIGHT HONORABLE LORDS, WILLIAM Earle of PEMBROKE: PHILIP Earle of MONTGOMERIE: Patrons of learning: patterns of Honor.

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RIGHT noble Lords:

La [...]rtius telleth vs, that in old time there were but seuen wise men to be found in the world: but now it seemes there are hardly seuen ignorant. For a man can no sooner set a faire marke, but euerie bungler will out with his bolt (as though he could cornicum oculos configere) and like a Roman Censor will giue his censure, though (often) no more to the purpose then Magnificat for Matins, as it is in the French prouerb. VVe are now fallen into that criticall age, wherein Censores liberorum are become Censores librorum; Lectores, Lictores: and euery mans works and writings (both prime inuentions, and second hand-translations) are arraigned at the tribunall of each ped [...]ntical Aristarches vnderstanding. For if a man follow the point orderly and well, he is curious: if he digresse neuer so little, he is friuolous: if the style be elaborate, it smelleth of the socket: if somewhat neglected and incult, it is good for nothing, but to be paper for his pocket. If the worke swell with quotations and carie a large margent, it is nothing but a rhapsodie. If it be naked, without all allegations, it's plaine Dunstable, and a meere fopperie. If the author write in praise of any, they fine him for a flatterer: if of none, for a maligner. Our ancestors called HERODOTVS Patrem Historia: these censorious Sirs, Patrem Fabularum. They thought him worthy to be read at the games of Olympus ▪ these men reade him but as a Canterburie tale, to hold children from play, and old folkes [Page] from the chimney corner. Notwithstanding, if the Readers were onely censorious, the matter were the lesse; but they are also humorous: For mens faces are not more differing then their fancies and affections. ZENO hath still two sorts of schollers in euery schoole, [...] and [...]; some affecting nothing but subiectam scientiam, soliditie of matter: others respecting nothing but subiectam sententiam, quaintnesse in regard of the manner. The former being (like vnto CATO) heluones librorum (men of steele stomacks) can digest any discourse (though neuer so course) that comes to hand. The later (like our daintie dames) can away with nothing, except they haue finer bread then can be made of wheat. Some are like SOCRATES, whom nothing can please but Ethicks, some discourse of morall Philosophie. Others (like EPICVRVS) can relish nothing but Physicks, some subtill disputation of natural Philosophie. Some take pleasure in nothing, except it be full of plainnesse and perspicuitie. Others (of a more refined and sublimate temper) can sauour nothing but that which exceeds the vulgar capacitie. Some with PLVTARCH cannot fancie ARISTOTLES Metaphysicks. Others with CAPELLA & POLLIO find Soloecismes in TVLLY, and I know not what Patauinitie in LIVIE. So that it may be truly said, Vt rerum omnium, sic literarum quoque intemperantiá laboramus: As we are sicke of a surfet of all other things, so of learning also. Therfore considering there are so many theeues lying in the way, and so many pirats in this our paper-sea (as wel sea-dogs as land critickes) it cannot be that any mans writings should safely trauaile into any country without safe conduct, nor ariue at any coast without a conuoy.

Vouchsafe therefore (Right honourable Lords, and by right most worthy to be honoured, because deserts haue made you truly honorable) to giue your passe to this Apologie, now that it is to passe the file of so many and so diuerse iudgements: and to let the Sunne of your fauourable aspects giue shine to this new world: the Author whereof being a man so well knowne to the learned, and so deare to your renowned Vnkle (that worthy Knight of famous memory Sir PHILIP SIDNEY) cānot be vnknowne nor vnwelcom to your Lordships. Of whom albeit I cannot say as NAZIANZEN doth of BASIL, that there is no more comparison betweene him and his fellowes, then betweene the pillars in the Church and their shadows: Yet thus much I hope I may speake without offence, that as he was a man of the rarest skill in the Greeke tongue; so of the finest conceit in pleasant [Page] discourse that euer this age affoorded. I appeale no further then to this Apologie, wherein (to parallele those histories in HERODOTVS, which seeme to some so incredible, and so to stop the mouthes of those Didymists, who will beleeue nothing except their senses say Amen) he hath so artificially couched diuers Centuries of our strangest moderne histories (as an abridgement of the wonders of former Ages) and that with such festiuitie, varietie, breuitie and perspicuitie, as the like (I perswade my selfe) is not to be found in the French, and I dare boldly say was neuer in the English tongue before. Here your Lordships shall see the rusticitie of former times, and the fashions of forrain countries: as also the cheating cunnicatcher, the quacksaluing mountebanke, the kind cuckold, the rigging huswife, the mercilesse murtherer, the griping vsurer, the lawlesse Lawyer, the ignorant, couetous, and fantasticall Physitian, &c. so liuely described & laid forth in their colours, as if APELLES had bene here with his pensill. But especially (as a garland to all the rest) the gluttonie, lecherie, crueltie, felonie, blasphemie, stupiditie, and the like cardinall vertues of our good Catholicks of the Romish Hierarchy: and that (how euer they beare it out with a Romane resolution, in arrogating to themselues the glorious name of Catholicks, and branding their opposites with the odious tearme of Hereticks, as certaine Heathen in old time called themselues Deists, and all men else Atheists; and the Turke at this day, who wil needs be the true Musulman, and all the world besides Pagan;) that (I say) their Catholick religion is nothing but catholick corruption, and Catholicke Papists, catholicke heretickes.

Seeing therefore (most noble and my most honoured Lords) the qualities of the mind (as Philosophy teacheth) do commonly run on a blood, (as in Rome the Lelij were wise, the Publicolae curteous, the Pisoes frugall, the Metelli religious, &c.) I am in good hope that as your honourable Vnkle highly esteemed the Author of this Apologie in regard of his excellent parts, and incomparable knowledge in the Greeke tongue, and kindly entertained him in his trauaile, and that at sundrie times; as first at Heidelbergh, after that at Strasburgh, and last of all at Vienna in Austria: and curteously accepted the two books which he dedicated vnto him, the one Graec. Test. An. 1576. coming out of his presse, the Gnomolog. Graec. M.S. other onely from his pen: so you (who forerunne all as farre in curtesie as in pedegree) will as kindly entertaine this his poore Orphane newly come into a strange country, and hauing lately learned the language of the place. And were it but onely that your renowned Vnkle (I can [Page] neuer name him too often whom I can neuer sufficiently honor) and your honourable Mother (the vertuous Ladie, and thrise renowned Countesse of Pembroke) haue trauailed in this kind,De veritat. Christ. relig. by Sir Philip Sidney. His discourse of life & death by the Countesse of Pembroke. in translating some of the workes of that Phoenix of France, the Lord du Plessis, into our English tongue; I perswade my selfe, it would not be vngratefull to your Lordships: especially being dedicated by him who hath dedicated and deuoted himselfe, to employ his pen and paines, and what seruice he can else performe for the honour of your house. In confidence therefore of your accustomed clemencie, as the Author dedicated his VVORLD OF VVORDS (I meane his treasury of the Greek tongue) to the greatest Princes of Europe; that vnder their names it might passe with greater applause to their Vniuersities: So I do here humbly commend this his VVORLD OF VVONDERS (a work of farre lesse volume, but no lesse value) to your honorable protection, that vnder your patronage it may passe to the vniuerse of our Brittish natiō. And verily among those many radiant Diamonds which do so beautifie his Highnesse Crowne & Diademe, I could see none more resplendent, and consequently fitter to be placed in the Frontispice of this worke (like two great lights to shine in the heauen of this new world) then your two Lordships. For who more fit to patronage so conceited a worke, then they who for their sufficiencie are best able to iudge of conceits? and by their excellent discourse (as it is said of ASHER) to affoord pleasures for a King?Gen. 49.20. And to whom should students haue recourse, but to those who are amici studiorum & studiosorum, both louers of learning and of learned men? (whose recompence in this barren Age, were it not for such bountiful benefactors, would be but small; their bed might be vpon the straw at the signe of the Star, and they get nothing but their labour for their paines.) And if it be a true saying, Temples are to be dedicated to the Gods, and bookes to good men; to whō may I better dedicate this Apologie, then to your good Lordships, in whom those eminent parts and almost heroicall vertues of your dearest Vnkle (whose vntimely death hath bene so infinitely regretted) are now (as out of the ashes of the Phoenix) quickned and reuiued again? and in whom the blossoms of many rare vertues putting forth so timely in this Aprill of your age, do promise more then ordinary fruite of great good in time to come?

But lest I should seeme to guild gold: and for that you are not wont to feed vpon the wind of mens words; I cease to be further troublesome: though neuer ceasing in my best wishes and desires to [Page] pray to the highest Maiestie, that great God of heauen and earth (who is great without quantitie, good without qualitie, infinite without place, eternall without time; whose prouidence reacheth from the Center to the Circumference; from the silliest Scyniph, to the highest S [...]raphin,) to blesse your Lordships with health of body, peace of conscience, increase of honour, and length of daies: that his most excellent Maiestie may long enioy such faithfull ACHATESES, and learning such bountifull MECAENATES: and that in the end of mortalitie (after the reuolution of many happy yeares) you may attaine to that happinesse that neuer shall haue end.

Your Lordships most humbly deuoted in all dutie and seruice, R. C.

THE TRANSLATOR to the Reader.

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THere offer to thy view and censure (gentle Reader) the Translation of Stephens Apologie, written in defence of Herodotus his (strongly conceited, but falsly supposed fabulous) History▪ which I present vnto thee vnder the name of A World of Wonders. When I call it a World of Wonders, thinke not that I go about to gull thee with an happelourde some counterfait worke, hauing onely a glorious title, and performing nothing lesse then that which the title doth promise and pretend; like Lucians Verae historiae, or our pedling pamphlets, which haue plus salis quàm sumptûs, More conceit then cost, cosening the world with copper for gold, with glasse for pearle, and seeming for substance. And when I say Stephens Apologie, imagine not that thou hast either Palaephatus his [...] in hand, or Goularts Admiranda, or Wolfius his Memorabilia, or Torquemeda's Mandeuile of miracles; or any such rhapsodie of an indigested history, whose authors are at cost to print vs new Almanacks of the last yeare: but a learned, pithy, and pleasant Apologie, whose title doth neither bely the text, nor the text shame the title. For as it is called A World of Wonders: so it containeth a world of matter, and that beyond all maruel. So that if Poets do rightly call Iridē Thaumantis filiā, the rain-bow, the daughter of wonder; we may well call this Apologie A World of wonders, considering the raine-bow hath not halfe the varietie of colours, that this Apologie of strange and pleasant histories. And though a wonder last but nine daies, as the common saying is: yet a World of wonders wil last to all posteritie. And verily, if we may coniecture of future euents by former presidents, I see not but that it will remaine (more durable then the seuen wonders of the world) euen to many generations: sith it hath already passed the presse (if I haue counted right) wel neare fourteene times within these fortie yeares. And now this Mart (if the Catalogue deceiue vs not) we are to receiue a new impression. So that if it haue but halfe that kind entertainment here, that it hath had, and stil hath, in it owne countrey, the Printer will be no loser by the bargaine.

But it is not my purpose (gentle Reader) to detaine thee with impertinent discourse about tearmes and titles, nor yet to abuse thy patience with a second Apologie for Herodotus, (for that were but to defloure the time, and to write Iliada post Homerum, considering it hath bene sufficiently performed by Manutius, Camerarius, and this our Author.) Howbeit something of necessitie must be spoken in way of Apologie for this Apologie, to cleare it of those many imputations and aspersions that are cast vpon it; as well vpon the matter of the book, as the manner of writing: the truth of the history, as the modestie of the historian. And first to begin with crimen falsi: Our good Catholicks abroade and corner-creepers at home, stick not to cast out such speeches as these; That it is an easie matter to make the tale run which way shal please the teller; that as vnder the fairest face lieth the foulest heart, so (oftē) in the smoothest tale the smallest truth. In a word, that Stephens Apologie is nothing but a rhapsodie of fables of Friers, deuised of his fingers, and therefore the Translator had need to looke to his proofes. But what writer should be innocent, [Page] if such senslesse prating might passe for proofe? They are therefore to know, that the greatest sticklers are not alway the greatest strikers, nor the loudest barkers the sorest biters; We haue liued too long to be scared with such bugs. And I doubt not, but (for all these crackes and brauadoes) they wil take counsell of their pillow, and (perhaps) stroke their beards fiue times (as the Doctors of Sorbonne that disputed with Erasmus did, ere they could bring out one wise word) before they will disproue it. For had it bin so easie a pil to haue bene swallowed, we should haue heard of them long ere this, considering they haue had it lying by them full fortie yeares and more. But this is the matter: if Stephen or any other orthodoxe writer trip neuer so little, and mistake but the least circumstance, they cry out by and by that they do nothing but belie them, that they misreport their actions, and falsifie their positions, &c. Wherein they deale like certaine theeues, who robbing a true man, and finding more money about him then he would be knowne of, cried out of the falshood of the world, that there was no truth to be found among men. They may do well to looke a little nearer home;Walsing. in Rich. 2. pag. 281. where Walsingham (one of their owne writers) wil tell them that Friers in the raigne of King Richard the second, were so famous (or rather infamous) for ther lying, that it was held as good an argument to reason thus, Hic est Frater, ergo mendax: He is a Fryer, ergo a lyer: as, Hoc est album, ergo coloratū: This is white, therefore coloured. And that they haue not yet lost the whetstone, nor left their old wont, may appeare by those infinite leud lies which they haue published in their Legends, Festiuals, Breuiaries, Specula Histor. Vitae Patrum, Houres, Offices, Pies, Portifories, Portuises, &c. For whereas Zigaben. in Saracen. Mahomet left but 113. fables in his Alcoran: they haue left more then so many thousand. For hardly shall a man find a leafe (I had almost said a line) without a lie. To giue a tast of some few: What more common in their writings then such fables as these? That Breu. Rom. Pij 5. Fest. Octob. Lect. 6. Saint Denis the Areopagite tooke vp his head after it was striken off, and caried it in his hand two miles. That Nou. Legen. Angl. fol. 90. col. 1. Saint Dunstane tooke the diuel by the nose with a paire of pincers as he looked in at a window, and made him cry most pitifully. That Ibid. fol 37. Saint Bernac turned oake leaues into loaues, viz. by changing one letter, stones into fishes, water into wine: and that he sailed ouer the sea vpon a stone; as Ibid. fol. 197 col 3. an hundred and fiftie of Ioseph of Arimath. company did vpon his sons shirt, and Alcorā Frāc. l. 1. pag. 144. & Sedul Apol. aduers. Alcor. li. 3 c. 28. §. 11. Frier Herueus vpō his mantle. That Engl. Fest. de S. Nicol. fol. 61. col. 3. Saint Nicholas while he lay in his cradle fasted Wednesdayes and Fridayes, on which dayes he would neuer sucke aboue once. That Iacob. de Vorag. §. 95. lit. C. Saint Christopher pitched his staffe in the ground, and forthwith it budded and brought forth leaues: at the sight whereof eight thousand Pagans became Christians. That Nou. Legen. Angl. fol. 261. col. 4. Bishop Trian hauing killed his cow and his calfe to entertaine Saint Patricke and his companie, the next morning both of them were seene feeding in the meadow. That a Lomb. hist. de S. Patric. sect 49. lit. A.sheepe being stolen, and not restored to the owner as Saint Patricke had commaunded, he caused it to bleate in the belly of him that had eaten it. That Discip. de Temp. in Promp. Exempl. lit. E. Exemp. 16. Saint Briccius being but a boy, saw the Diuel behind the Altar, noting the misdemeanour of the people in a peece of parchment: and that when he wanted parchment to write on, he pulled it so hard with his teeth, that the parchment rent, and he knocked his head against the wall. And that Saint Martin coniured him so, that he caused him to blot out what he had written. That when the Iac. de Votag. in vita Georg. lit. A. Kings daughter of Silena cast her girdle about the Dragons necke (as Saint George had commaunded her,) he followed her vp and downe like a gentle dogge. That Ibid. lit. B. S. George being cast into a copperful of boiling lead, by making the signe of the crosse was refreshed therein, as if he had bin in a bath. That Legen. nou. Angl. sol. 161. col. 3. Saint Goodrick (that good Norfolke Saint) ten yeares before his death saw clearly whatsoeuer was done within ten miles of him round about: and that he often saw what euer was done in all the world. That Legen. aur. de S. Dominico. lit D.Saint Dominicks bookes being fallen into the riuer, and lying there three dayes, were found by a fisherman, and taken vp as dry as a feather. That Capgr. in Romualdo. Saint Romuald deliuered [Page] high points of diuinitie as soone as he was borne; and presently after hee was baptized made a learned Sermon. That Lomb. hist. de S. Christina lit B. Saint Christina spake when her tongue was cut out. That Ibid. de S. Margareta lit. 8.Saint Margaret being swallowed by a Dragon, had no sooner made the signe of the crosse, but the Dragon burst asunder, and out she came as sound as a trout. That Engl. Festiu. in die Corp. Christi. fol. 55 col. 3.4. Syre Ambright Earle of Venice (or of Vtopia, whether you wil) desirous to receiue the Sacrament, and being not able to take it by reason of continuall casting, layd it on his side, vpō the place next his heart, saying, Lord thou knowest that I loue thee with all my heart, I would faine receiue thee with my mouth if I durst; but because I may not, I lay thee on the place that is next my heart: and hauing so said, his side opened, and when the host was gone in, it closed againe. That Capgr. Leg. fol 35. col. 4. Beda's boy (who led him vp and downe to preach because he was blind) being disposed to play the knaue with him, brought him into a valley full of great stones, telling him that there were many there assembled to heare him: and that when he had made his sermon, and concluded with per omnia saecula saeculorum, the stones answered aloud, Amen venerabilis Pater; which was one speciall reason why he was euer after called Venerable Bede. That when Rogerus Hou [...]d. hist. part. 2. Thomas Becket (who neuer dranke any thing but water) sate at table with Pope Alexander, and that his Holinesse would needs tast of his cup; lest his abstemiousnesse should be knowne, God turned the water into wine: so that the Pope found nothing but wine in the cup. But when Becket pledged him, it was turned into water againe. For it were halfe heresie to thinke (notwithstanding the Pope found it to be wine) that Thomas dranke any thing but water. With these and infinite the like fables (which a man would thinke should come rather from the wise men of Gotham, of the posteritie of them that drowned the Eele, then from any in their right wits) do their pulpits dayly sound, and their writings swell againe. And therefore if you do not beleeue them, take heede you be not burnt for an hereticke.

Now it would be tedious to giue but a light touch to those manifold fables which they haue broched of their lying Saints, as of Saint Christopher, Saint George, Saint Catherine: which neuer saw the light, nor euer had being, saue onely in picture and imagination. And which they shame not to tell vs in their lying Traditions, as namely of the bodily assumption of the virgin Mary into heauē, &c. In their lying reuelations, as of the deliuerance of Traians soule out of hell, &c. And which they dayly broach in their lying reports, as that Maffae. in vita Ignat. lib. 1. cap. 7 Et Ribad. l. 2. c. 7. Ignatius Loiola was rapt vp into heauen, and saw the holy Trinitie in three persons and one essence: and that God shewed him the patterne which he layd before him when he made the world. And lastly in their lying letters, of the miracles done by the holy Fathers of their societie in the West Indies: as that Tursil. lib. 1. cap. 16. a burning taper of a cubit length being set before Xauiers tombe, burnt aboue three weekes day and night, without wasting. That Iesuit. Catec. lib. 1. cap. 17. a man (who neuer saw further then the length of his nose) opening Xauiers tombe, and rubbing his eyes with his hand, recouered his sight. That Ibid. a peece of his whip and girdle cured all sorts of diseases: and a thousand such like: which our holy Mother calleth Marnix. Alueat. lib. 5. c. 1. Pias fraudes, godly cosinages: and the milke which Saint Paul gaue the Corinthians to drinke, being vnable to digest stronger meate, as a Frier at Gaunt was wont to say. And no maruel they should send vs ouer so many Legends (or rather legions) of lies, and such a fardle of fooleries out of forraine countries, when they are not ashamed to feed vs at home with as fine fables: and that not onely in print, but also in picture; as namely▪ that Theater of Cruelties in Engl. printed in the English Colledge cum Priuil. Greg. 13. Ann. 1584. some for the Catholick cause haue bin here in England put into Beares skins and baited with mastiues. That Coster. orth. fid. demon. in prin. others haue had bootes full of boyling grease pulled on their legs. And that others haue bin shod with hot iron shoes, &c. That Cochlaeus Staph. &c. Luther was begotten by an Incubus, and strangled by the diuel. That Bolsec. in vita C [...]luini. Caluin was a stigmatick, and banished for a Sodomite. That Coster. Cō pend. orth. fid. demonst. cōcl gener. cap. 4. Bucer renounced Christian religion at his death, and died [Page] a Iew. That Putean. de morte Bezae. [...]t Catech. Iesuit. lib. 1. c. 17. Beza reconciled himselfe to the Church of Rome, and died a Catholicke. That Coster. cōp. orth. fid. demonst. gen. concl. cap. 5. Iewell after his challenge at Pauls Crosse, being requested by a Catholicke to shew his opinions out of the Fathers, should answer, that he spake not as he thought, but ad faciendum populum, as they say. That Idē. ibidem de matrim. Sacrā. cap. 30. Doctor Sands Archbishop of Yorke should entice his hostesse to vnlawful lust: when as the world knowes she was brought to his bed, as Lais the famous strumpet was to Xenocrates. That D List. ex [...]um. Ital. Queene Elizabeth had a blacke beard. That when Canoniz. Camp Aquipont. &c. Campion was drawne to the place of execution, the water in Thames stood still. That a Iesuit. Belg. pro conc. Ex fam. mere. Lond. praesent. Preacher in London speaking against the holy virgin Hallensis, was suddenly twicht out of the pulpit, and caried away by the diuell. These few examples I haue here alleadged out of their old Legends, and late worthy writers, as Cochlaeus, Staphylus, Bolsec, Surius, Coster, Puteanus, and such like, the Popes parasites: partly to shew their diffidence in defence of a bad cause: that as foule gamesters when they cannot make their part good by faire play, begin to quarrell with their fellowes, or to cog with a di [...]: so they, not able to maintaine their Catholick cause by plaine dealing, are driuen to defend it with a tricke of a false finger: namely with one of these three figures of Roman Rhetoricke (to which they are so much beholding,) Auxesis, in aduancing their fauourites: Meiosis, in debasing their opposites: and Pseudologia, which in Latin is termed mendacium; we Englishmen call it a lie. Partly to shew that they haue small reason to lay lies in other mens dishes, seeing all the packe of them, from the proudest Pope, to the poorest hedge-priests, are but a lying generation.2. Thess. 2.9. For as lying wonders are his part (as the Apostle saith:) so wondrous lies are theirs, as the former examples do sufficiently declare. And lastly, to let the Reader see what a spirit of giddinesse, what strong delusions, what efficacy of error, God in his iust iudgement sends vpon them to beleeue lies, because they receiue not the loue of the truth.Vers. 10. We were in good hope they would at the last haue bene ashamed of these Legendary lies, when as their owne writers began to distast them. For Cap. de ref. Praelat. Fascic. ret. expetend. fol 206. Petrus de Alliaco exclameth against them in his booke de Reformatione Ecclesiae. And it was one of the Crauam. 21. hundred grieuances which the Germans cōplained of, that their Friers fed the people with fables, and told them nothing but tales out of the pulpit. And De caus. corrup. art. lib. 2. Viues writing of the Lombardica historia, saith, that it is not fit to be read by any Christian; and that he cannot imagine why it should be called the Golden Legend, considering it was written by a man ferrei oris, plumbei cordis. And Motiu. 5. Bristow himselfe reiects certaine of their miracles, which (saith he) we reade in I know not what Legenda aurea. And as for that execrable booke of Conformities, written by Bartlemew de Pisis (for that of Iohannes Capella one of Saint Francis his schollers, and that other of Ieremie Bucchius, are not altogether so notorious) euen the Friers themselues after the light of the Gospel began to dispell the darknesse of Popery, were so ashamed of it, that they called it in again, and laboured to suppresse it by buying vp all the copies they could heare of: that the world might neuer (for shame) know, how shamefully they had abused our forefathers. But behold the malice of the diuel, who of late is growne farre more impudent; as he who knowing his time to be but short, meanes to vse it to the full proofe. For that which our good Catholickes in former ages were ashamed once to heare of: his impes at this day sticke not to defend. For now if a man do but once call the counterfait history of Saint George, Saint Christopher, or Saint Catherine into question,Balae. Act. Rom. Pontif. lib. 7. in Marcello 2. he shall straight with Virgerius be suspected of heresie, and expelled their societie. And it is no longer since then the other Mart, that we receiued an Apologie in defence of this worthy worke of Conformities, written by one Henrie Sedulius a Minorite Frier, against the Alcoran of the Franciscans; yet so performed, as that it doth not onely call his modesty, but his wits also into question. Therefore seeing they are not ashamed to thrust vpon vs such rotten wares, and to rake vp such rusty stuffe out of the dead dust and darknesse, wherein time and shame haue suffered them [Page] to rest. Necessary it is we should [...], cast some of their filth in their faces againe, and answer fooles according to their follies; that so they may haue a qui pro quo, a Rowland for an Oliuer; at leastwise, oyle for their vineger.

But lest they should say (as their manner is) that our loading of them with lies, doth nothing lessen the fardle of our owne faults and fables; and that to make long inuectiues (how truly soeuer) against the old Legends, doth make little for iustifying of this Apologie: I would haue them to know that there is no one history in the whole Apologie (excepting those which the Author had by credible information,Reade the Epist: to his friend. sect 2. & Chap. 36. sect 7. or his owne priuate obseruation, which are but very few, and wherein there is no indifferent man (I thinke) but will rather credit him, protesting to deliuer nothing but the plaine truth, then the Popes prentises, who are bound to a lying occupation) which may not be proued by good authoritie; and most what out of their own writers: as namely out of Boccace, Petrarch, Pontanus, Fulgosius, Poggius, Menard, Benno, and the like: especially out of the Queene of Nauarres Heptameron, which she writ in imitation of Boccace his Decameron. A booke which (besides that it was penned by one of their owne profession, for Lady Margaret author thereof, was the Duke of Angoulesmes daughter, sister to King Francis the first, aunt to King Henrie the second, and grandmother to King Henrie the fourth that now raigneth) is authorized by King Henrie the second,Mount. Essay. lib. 2. cap. 11. with a large priuiledge: and highly commended by your deuoutest Papists: and was so generally applauded at the Court in the raigne of King Francis the first, that such as spake against it were seuerely punished. Witnesse Frier Tossan, Vit Fran. Iun. pag 3, 4. Warden of the Franciscans Couent at Vlixodunum, who for preaching against her, and saying that she was a Lutheran, and that she deserued to be sewed in a sacke, and cast into the riuer (for that she had discouered the knaueries of his fellow-Friers,) was banished France by the King, and sent to be a gally slaue in the Mediterranean sea, for the space of two yeares. Now against that which Stephen hath here deliuered touching the leudnesse of their liues, I hope they will not greatly except. For though our new ApologistEpist. Dedic. Praelat. Apol. advers. Alcor. Francisc. Sedulius (the great Proctour for the Franciscans) sticke not to say, that there is no more comparison betweene their Friers and vs in regard of holinesse of life, then betweene light and darknesse, Christ and Belial: yet if the matter once come to curious scanning, it will be found that they haue no such cause to insult ouer their neighbours; they being such a viperous brood, whose venome lies not onely in their tongues, but also in their tailes, that is to say, as well in their leud liues, as in their diuellish doctrine: and that if the life of our Ministers be compared with that of their Friers, it will be found to exceed theirs as farre as Yorke doth foule Sutton, to vse a Northerne phrase. And that if holinesse of life be a true note of the Church, ours will be found Apostolical, theirs Apostatical. For if they put their hands into their owne bosoms, oh how leaprous shal they pul thē forth again? They are indeed often praying, yet where lesse deuotion? vowing obedience, yet where more contention? chastitie, yet who more luxurious? pouertie, yet who so couetous? It were infinite to recount what we find in their owne writers of their Popes. Ioannes Salisb. saith,De nug. curial. lib. [...]. that the reason (in Gods prouidence) why Popes die so fast, is, lest if they should liue any long time they should corrupt the whole Church. Budé saith, that in gluttony and lechery,De asse. pessimum quemque superant. Warnerus author Fascic. Temp. Heu, heu, Domine Deus, quomodo obscuratum est aurum? mutatus est color optimus. Qualia contigisse circa haec tempora etiam in sancta sede Apost. quam vsque huc tanto zelo custodisti, scandala? quales contentiones, sectae, inuidiae, ambitiones, intrusiones, persecutiones? O tempus pessimum, in quo deficit sanctus & diminutae sunt veritates à filijs hominum. Eia quis conuentus? quae congregatio? quis homo iam securus erit, Epist. sine Tit. Ep. 12. si sic deficit sanctitas Apostolica? Petrarch wishing his friend not to come at the Popes Court (which lay then at Auinion in France) hath these [Page] words: Loco te si mouere volueris, ad nos veni: vide Romam, vide Mediolanum, vide Venetias, vide Florentiam, vide Patauium tuum, vide Bononiam: postremò quidlibet vide, Indos quoque, modò ne videas Babilonem, neque descendas in Infernum vinus. If thou wilt trauaile, come to me: or go to Rome, or Millan, Venice, or Florence, or to thine owne citie Padua, or to Bononia: in a word, go whither thou wilt (though it be to the Indies) so thou come not at Babylon, and so quick to the diuell. And he giueth a reason of this his disswasion in another place, where he saith:Epist. 7. Quicquid de Assiria vel Aegyptia Babylone, quicquid de quatuor Labyrinthis, quicquid denique de Auerm limine, deue tartareis syluis, sulphureis (que) paludibus legisti: huic Tartaro admotum, fabula est. Hîc turrificus simul atque terrificus Nemroth, hîc pharetra Semiramis, hîc inexorabilis Minos, hîc Rhadamanthus, hîc Cerberus vniuersa consumens, hîc Tauro supposita Pasiphaë, mixtumue genus (quod Maro ait) prolesque biformis Minotaurus inest, Veneris monimenta nefandae: hîc postremò quicquid confusum, quicquid atrum, quicquid horribile vsquam est aut fingitur, aspicias, &c. That is, That which thou readest of Babylon in Assiria, or of that in Aegypt, or of the foure Labyrinths, or of the gate that leades downe to hell, or of those tartarean woods, and sulphurean lakes, is nothing in comparison of this hell. Here dwels that towring & terrible Nimrod, that hūting rigsby Semiramis, that inexorable Minos and Radamanthus, that all-deuouring Cerberus: here is Pasiphaë who prostituted her selfe to a bull, that mongrell and monstrous kind, of which Virgil speakes of: that two formed misshapen Minotaurus: the monuments of lawlesse lust not to be named. In a word, nothing is or can be imagined so confused and out of order; so vgly, horrible, & hideous which is not here to be seen. But to leaue their Popes, and come to their Priests: what saithInnoc. 3. in die Ciner. Serm. 2. one of their holy Fathers of them in generall?

Noctu filium Veneris agitant in cubili,

Mane filium Virginis sacrificant in Altari.

Nocte Venerem amplexantur:

Mane Virginem venerantur.

And what saith In Sagitt. Palingenius?

Proh dolor! hos tolerare potest Ecclesia porcos,

Duntaxat ventri, veneri, somnoue vacantes?

Sup. lib. Sap. Lect. 182. Holcot calleth the Priests in his time Sacerdotes Priapi: and saith moreouer that they are Angeli Sathanae per discordiam; Angeli Apostatici per superbiam; Angeli incubi per luxuriam; Angeli abyssi per auaritiam. Hence it is that Erasmus being demaunded what charitie was; answered, that it was a Friers cowle, because it couereth a multitude of sinnes. And that it doth so, heare what Walter Mapes saith:

Est nullum Monacho maius Daemonium,

Nihil auarius, nil magis varium;

Cui si quid datur, est possessor omnium,

Si quicquam petitur, nihil habet proprium.

Si prandet, competit, vt loqui nesciat,

Ne lingua dentium opus impediat.

Si bibit, expedit, vt sedens hauriat,

Ne pes sub pondere ventris deficiat.

Die deuotus adorat dolia,

Nocte cum bipede laborat bestia:

Tali discrimine, tali molestia,

Meretur vir Dei regna coelestia.

[Page] And what honest men these Iesuites are, may appeare by the late Gunne-powder. Treason against his Maiesty and the State;Wats. Quodl. Iesuit Catech. in French. Sparing Disc [...] &c. and by that which Watson and other secular Priests as wel without as within the land haue written to their great commendation. But though men were silent, yet the very stones would speake (as Christ saith in another case) and shew the leudnesse of their liues. Witnes (among the rest) a picture in a stone wal in the Library of the Monastery at Fulda (which remaines as a monument to the world of their euerlasting reproch and ignominy) of a Wolfe in a Monks cowle,Catal. Test. vent lib. 16. with a shauen crowne, leaning on a staffe, and preaching to a company of geese, and saying, Testis est mihi Deus quam cupiam vos omnes in visceribus meis. And that of a Cat with a myter on her head, and a crosier staffe in her foote, preaching to the mice. To whom one of them answereth in this sort: Charius est mihi vt moriar Paganus, quàm sub vestra manu fiam Christianus. The Cat replies, ‘Quod fueram non sum, frater, caput aspice tonsum.’ She answers againe, ‘Cor tibi restat idem, vix tibi praesto fidem.’ Which pictures being aboue 200. yeares old at the least (though Wicelius call them Lutheranissimas) do notably set forth the fraud and felony, the couetousnes and trechery of the Popish prelacy. For neuer did greedy Wolfe so rauen for his prey, nor the cat so narrowly watch the mouse, as these false Friers haue done to prey vpon the poore people. Witnes the Romant of the Rose, Coster. Compend. demon. orthodox. sid. Praef. ad Lect. Mapes his Goliah, Chaucers Iacke Vpland, Taxa Apostolica, &c. And whereas they say that the loose life of Catholicks proceeds only from humane frailty: and that in vs hereticks it flowes from the principles of our new diuinity; which permits vsury, dispenseth with polygamy, & grants liberty to a man to cōpany with his maid when her mistris is too coy: They keepe their old wont of lying and slaundering: For none of all these can be deduced by iust consequence out of the principles of our doctrine: the first being a meere mistaking of Caluin: the second, the singular opinion of Ochinus: the third, a shamefull slander and wilfull wresting of Luther. The sinnes rather of the Popish Cleargy and Laity do flow from the principles of their diuinity, and are as well praedicationis as conuersationis, as well Cathedral as Personall. For veniall sinnes (to vse their owne distinction) are easily done away with a short shrift, an Aue Mary, or a holy water sprinkle. Witnesse their owne verses here ensuing:

Confiteor, tundo, conspergor, conteror, oro,

Signor, edo, dono: per haec venialia pono.

That is,

I am confest vnto the Priest,

I knock mine heart and brest with fist;

With holy water I am besprent:

And with contrition all yrent.

I pray to God and heauenly host,

I crosse my selfe at euery post.

I eate my Sauiour in the bread:

I deale my dole when I am dead.

And doing so, I know I may,

My veniall sinnes soone do away.

And as for mortall sinnes, any man that hath money may haue a warrant dormant, to do what he list, euen to commit sinnes against nature, to mary his Aunt with Ferdinand, his brothers wife with Henry the eight, his niece with Philip the second: nay to mary his owne sister:Pineda lib. 23 cap. 20. §. 4. for Martin the fift (of whom the boyes at Florence were wont to sing as they went in the streets,

[Page]

El Papa Martino non vale vn

A farthing.

quatrino:

Martin the Pope is not worth a rope:)

dispensed with one to mary his owne sister, as their own

Anton. sum. p. 3. tit. 1. cap. 11.

Angel. de Clau. & Sylv. in verb. Papa. Fumus in verbo Dispens.

writers do record. Et quid (to vse Saxon. lib. 5. cap. 8. Crantzius his words) hodie per dispensationem Apostolicā non obtinetur? What may not a man do now a dayes by warrant from the Apostolick Sea? Now whereas some are wont to obiect, that in speaking against the cunning and sleight of merchants, cheaters, mountebanks, the couetous practise of vsurers, the knaueries of Friers, &c. he doth nothing but teach them, and therefore might haue done better to haue concealed them: I answer, that herein he hath but followed the example of Aristotle and the Lacedaemonians: of Aristotle who deliuereth the doctrine of Fallacies, or Sophisticall Syllogismes, not to teach men how they may play the Sophisters, but how they may espy and auoid their sophismes. (And verily if the Translation had bin out but one halfe yeare before, a friend of mine might haue had more money in his purse.) Of the Lacedaemonians, who were wont to bring forth their seruants being drunk, and to shew them to their children, that seeing their beastly behauiour they might grow to a greater loathing and detestation of their drunkennesse. And thus much for the matter of the Booke.

Touching the manner of writing: because the most do fancy and affect nothing but that which is canded with pleasure and de [...]ght; he hath of purpose penned this Apology both pithily like a Logician, and pleasantly like a Rhetorician: yet not following the example of the Lord of Saint Aldegonde, who vseth ieasts and pleasant conceits as saoule, and not as sawce, and can neuer take manum de tabula: but rather the precept of Aristotle, In Alvear. & au Tableau des differens. who would haue matter of meriment (as it were) sprinkled in a discourse, and vsed [...], not [...], onely as a condiment, and not as nourishment: purposely shunning all filthy, rotten, and vnsauory speeches, as being not onely condemned by the Apostle, but by the very light of nature i [...]selfe. But doth not the Apostle (may some say) condemne as well [...] as [...], iesting as filthy speaking? No verily:Ephes. 5. v. 4. For Pauls [...] is nothing else but Aristotles [...]. And therefore it is not so well translated iesting in the English, nor plaisanterie in the French: it should rather be turned scurrilitie, as it is in the old Latin Interpreter. For so the Syrian Metaphrast vnderstands it, when he expresseth it by [...] & [...], lusus & fabulae, as a man would say, toyes and trifles, fables and fooleries. And Bruciolus by le ciancie, that is, idle iergon and vaine babling. And Luther by leichtsertiger schimpff, light talke, and prittle prattle. Therefore Theodoret saith, that the Apostle condemnes not all manner of iesting and meriment, but onely immoderatum risum, immoderate mirth: such (saith Primasius) as cannot stand with Christian grauity: (such as was the scoffing & scurrilous vaine of that famous should I say, or rather infamous leud libeller Martin as well marre-Church and mar-Prince as Mar-Prelate.) We must therefore distinguish inter salem Mercurij, & salem Momi, between festiuity and scurrility, vrbanity and ribaldry: Inter iocos cruentos & eruditos, between such iests as will suffundere sanguinem, and those that will effundere, that is, betweene such as will make our aduersaries blush, and those that will make them bleed. So that iesting being rightly leueled in regard of his obiect (for it is no new saying, Non patitur lusum, fama, fides, oculus:) and rightly bounded, I meane kept within the banks of Charity & Sobriety, may wel be vsed, & that in two cases: either in way of honest recreatiō: or in dealing with obstinate hereticks and enemies of the truth, who hauing bin confronted & confuted a thousand times ouer, persist stil in their former follies, albeit they bring nothing but the painted face of Iezabel, rotten stuffe newly varnished ouer, and old cole-worts in a new dish: that so they may be (as the Lord threatneth the obstinate Iewes) a by-word and a prouerb,Ier. 24.9. & 25.9. a hissing and a derision to all that are round about them. For proofe whereof (to passe ouer prophane writers, as De Orat. l. 2. Cicero, Serm. l. 1. sat. 10. Horace, [Page] Instit Orat. lib. [...] cap 4. Quintilian, and the like; who in some cases preferre a pleasant conceit before a sound argument: as when Horace saith,

—ridiculum acri

Fortius,

Serm. l. 1. sat. 10.

& meliùs magnas plerumue secat res.)

The current of the ancient Fathers is in this point concurrent: some teaching the lawfulnes of it by precept;Adv. haeres. lib. 1. cap. 5. others by practise. Irenaeus derides the Valentinians, calling them pépones sophistas; and their Aeônes, cucumeres & cucurbitas. The like doth Clemēs Alexandrinus, Adv. Valent. cap. 6. Strom. lib. 7. And Ignatius epist. ad Tral. Tertullian saith that if he laugh them to scorne, and deride their dreames and dotages, he serues them but right: Nam multa (saith he) sunt sic digna reuinci, ne grauitate adorentur. And Hermias (a Christian Philosopher) hath written a booke which he cals Gentilium Philosophorum irrisio; Biblioth. sanc. Tom. 4. wherein he finely stouts the folly of the heathen Philosophers. Why then shall it not be lawful for vs to do the like in iesting at those who iest at God and his holy truth? Experience teacheth, that an Ironicall speech doth often pierce deeper and sticke closer to a man then a sound argument. It is the Physitians [...]: for as that serues to cure the diseases of the body; so this the maladies of the mind. It is the corrasiue which Elias applied to the gangreine of Baals Priests that had so dangerously infected the people of the Iewes;1. King. 18.27. Cry aloud for he is a God: either he [...]alketh or pursueth his enemies, or is in his iourney, or (it may be) he sleepeth and must be awaked. It is the salt which Elizaeus cast into the barren waters of Iericho: 2. Kin. [...].21.22 For as they could not be cured but by the salt which he cast into the fountaine: so neither can the waters, vpon which the Scarlet strumpet sitteth (being people,Apoc. 17.15. and multitudes, and nations, and languages) be cured of their spiritual barrennesse, or of the Romish pock and Aegyptian scab, except the salt of the Sanctuary (as I may say) be applied to their sores. What more frequent in Scripture then such kind of Ironies?Cen 3.22. Behold man is become as one of vs, to know good and euill: Now therefore (we must looke to it) lest he put forth his hand, and take of the tree of life, and eate thereof, 1. Kin. 22.15. and so liue for euer. Go vp and prosper, for the Lord will deliuer the citie into the hands of the King. The Prophet Isaiah is commaunded to take vp a parable (or a taunting speech as the word signifieth) against the King of Babel, and to say,Isa 14.1 [...]. How art thou fallen from heauen ô Lucifer, son of the morning? And he derideth the brutishnes of Idolaters,Isa. 44.15.16.17. who of the same wood whereof they make a fire to warme themselues, to bake their bread, and rost their flesh: make a God to worship. And how doth the holy Ghost play vpon the very places of Idolatry, as namely vpon mount Oliuet, when he nicknameth it (as I may say) calling it no more Mons mishchae, the mount of Oliues or of vnction,2. Kin 23.13. but (by an excellent Antonomasy) Mons mashchith, the mount of corruption:Hos. 4.15. And Bethel is no more called Beth-el, the house of God, but Beth-aven, the house of iniquity.

Now if any modest mind shall (haply) take offence at some of his broad speeches, or shall thinke that they might haue bin better spared: I shall desire him to consider that it is not so easie a matter to find modest words to expresse immodest things: as himselfe saith Chap. 34. §. 2. that he hath but laid forth the liues of Popish Prelates, as Suetonius is said to haue written the liues of the Emperours, E [...]dem libertate qua ipsi vixerunt: and that there is no reason that some should commit their villany with impunity; and that no man may speake against it with modesty: or that writers should be counted baudy Bales (that is, knaues) for publishing it, they honest men who practise it. As for those wit-foundred and letter-stricken students, I meane those cloudy spirits that are so wedded to the Muses, that they become enemies to the Graces, and can relish no discourse except it be full fraught and farced with Ob. and Sol. Videtur quod sic: probatur quod non, &c. Let them (a Gods name) enioy their Dunses and Dorbels, their Ban̄es and Bambres, [Page] their Royards and blind bayards ▪ so they measure vs not by their owne meatwand (making their minds the modell for all men) but giue vs leaue to vse our liberty, and to imitate the practise of prudent Physitians, who apply the medicine to the malady, with particular respect of the patients temper; not giuing the same potion to a queasie and a steele stomach. For euery plummet is not for euery sound, nor euery line for euery leuel. Al meats are not for euery mans mouth: nor all liquors for euery mans liking. The ignorant multitude and profound Clarks are not to be perswaded with the same arguments. For popular perswasion the learned prise not: and deepe demonstration the simple pierce not. They must also remember what Saint Augustine saith, Vtile est plures libros à pluribus fieri, diuerso stylo, non diuersa fide, etiam de quaestionibus ijsdem, De Trinit. lib. 1. cap. 3. vt ad plurimos res ipsa perueniat, ad alios sic, ad alios autem sic. That is, It is good that many bookes should be written by many men, & that of the same argument, in a different style, but not of a different faith: that so the same truth may be conueyed to many: to some after this manner, to some after that.

Touching the Translation, I haue not much to say: for I do not professe my self a Translator, neither do I arrogate any extraordinary skil in the French tongue. (I leaue both to the skilfull Linguists of our moderne languages, as stately Sauile, flourishing Florio, graue Grimeston, facile and painful Holland, &c.) Yet this I hope I may truly say, that I haue expressed the meaning of my Author both truly and fully: and that I haue not lost either the life or the grace of any conceit, where it was possible to be kept. Which I speake not as doting vpon mine own doings: for I am not so in loue either with the work or workmanship, with the matter of the booke, or the manner of handling, nor the gay coate that I haue put vpon it, as Heliodorus was of his amorous discourse of Chariclea (called the Aethiopian history) who chose rather to leaue his Bishoprick, then to cal in his book. I am rather of Marcilius Ficinus his mind, who hauing translated Plato into Latin,Niceph. Callist. Eccle. hist. lib. 12. ca. 34. came to his learned friend Musutus Candiot to know his opinion of it: where Candiot after he had perused some few leaues, perceiuing that it would not satisfie the expectation of the learned, considering it was but slubbered ouer, and that it resembled the originall (as Cicero the yonger did his father) in nothing but in name: takes a sponge, and hauing dipped it in an ink-pot, blots out the first page: then turning him to Ficinus; Thou seest (quoth he) how I haue corrected the first page: if thou wilt, I will correct the rest in like sort. To whom Ficinus very mildly answered: No reason that Plato should be disgraced through my default: and so refined it again. (Who notwithstanding hauing done the best he could, by his rusticall simplicitie resembles the maiesty of Plato's style (if we may beleeue Scaliger) no otherwise then as if an Owle should represent an Eagle.) If therefore any candide Candiot (for I appeale onely to such as haue skill in the French tongue) shall shew me that I haue done the like in translating this Apologie, and that I haue not attained to the Venus of the French, the finenesse, fitnesse, and featnesse of the phrase; I refuse not the sponge: so that he will correct me, and not controll me. As for the rest, I shal desire them to spare their censure till they haue learned their Littleton. But lest any carping companion should brag that he had found a hole in my coate, and that he could shew where I haue missed the cushion: I do here correct my selfe and confesse a fault in the translation, Chap. 15. §. 1. which as (in my necessary absence) it passed the presse before I was aware: so if it come to a second reuiew, shall haue his due correction. As for other scapes (sauing such as haue escaped the Correctors care) I know none: except some sciolus shal iudge it a fault to translate à pain & à pot, at bed and board: à pot & à cueillier, at racke and manger: Entre Paris & Lyon, betwixt Yorke and London. Chien de S. Roch: Tobies dog, &c. As though it were neuer lawfull to translate sexcenta, fiue hundred? And albeit it be bootlesse to complaine of those infinite rubs that lay in my way, and those many [Page] difficulties which encountered me in my course: yet he that shall duly consider the Authors intricate notions, his obscure allusions, his manifold (though not impertinent) excursions, his continuall repetitions of the same phrase in diuers senses, (for Homers [...] noted by Epigram. l. 1▪ sect. 46. Martial, and Tullies esse videatur by Essay. lib. 2. cap. 10. Mountaigne, are not so frequent as Stephens à se propos) and last of all his infinite parentheses, which were enough to exercise the patience of a Saint: will no doubt (if he haue but a graine of candor) aswell with conniuency passe ouer such faults as are triuiall, as taxe those with some easie censure which he shal find to be materiall. As for the rigide censurer (who is crudelis in animaduertendo) I shall desire him but to make triall himselfe in translating of two or three paragraphs, and then I doubt not, Quin fuerit studijs aequior ille meis. Touching the phrase, I desire the lesse fauour: for albeit I am not ignorant that tailers and writers are now in like esteeme; that if they haue not new fashions, they are not fancied; and if the style be not of the new stampe, the author is but a simple fellow, and may put vp his pipes: yet I haue of purpose so tempered my style, as that it might content the iudicious: nothing respecting the iudgement or censure of our finical affecters, who are so humorous: leauing inkhorne phrases and tapsterlike termes for the tauerne; and affected straines of Oratory for the stage: and auoiding especially the French fripperie, because I would not haue it seeme to be a translation.

Now before I conclude, I am to aduertise thee (courteous Reader) that of two editions of this Apologie, I haue here followed the latter, (viz. that of Rigauds Anno 1592.) the rather because I was giuen to vnderstand, that the Author himselfe not long before his death, did reuiew the former edition of Mareses, and left it corrected as here thou hast it. I haue also obserued the seueral sections in euery Chapter as they are in that Edition, & haue added the figures, for thy ease, and for more distinct reference in the quotatiō of places: which notwithstanding through the Printers ouersight hath not bin obserued till the 12. Chapter. And whereas thou maist (haply) expect another booke to second this, because the Author cals it The first booke of the Apologie, (for as Demonax saith in Lucian, [...]) Thou art to know that as Francis de l'Isle intending to write three books of the life of Charles Cardinall of Lorraine, and the house of Guise, concluded all in one: so our author purposing to haue added a second (and it may be a third) vnto this first; by reason of his great emploiments and manifold distractions, hath shut vp all in one, making the Preface to the Reader serue not only as a specimen but as a supplement in stead thereof: as thou maist better vnderstand, if it please thee to reade the Preface to the second part, §. 2. The materiall faults which corrupt the sense, I haue corrected according to the page and line; as thou maist see in the end of the booke, where I shall desire thee to begin to correct before thou begin to reade. In the Preface to the Reader pag. 12. lin. 1 [...]. thou maist (if thou please) for The cudgell marres loue, The cudgel made loue, reade The cudgell kils loue, The cudgell kindled loue. Other literall and lesse faults, which haue escaped either my pen in writing, or the Printer in correcting, I leaue to thy iudicious candor. And thus much (if it be not too much) shall suffice for the present; till this world being ended, I bring thee further newes out of another world. London, Nouemb. 6. Anno 1607. This very day iust one and forty yeares since the first Edition of this Apology: and the day after the gun-powder Treason.

HENRIE STEPHEN TO THE READER.

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THVCYDIDES in the Preface to his historie, hath an excellent saying worthy our serious consideration, teaching vs to condemne that in our selues, which he condemnes in the auncient Grecians, for speaking vainly of sundry accidents which fell out before their time, grounding their beliefe vpon an vncertaine brute blazed abroad without taking further paines to search thereinto: which was the cause they so often entertained falshood in stead of the truth. Which should teach vs to bridle our leuitie, as often as we are drawne to credit any report, especially in matters of importance. But this euill hath made so deepe impression in many mens mindes, that before it can be beaten out of them, I feare me, they must be cast in a new mould. Notwithstanding, the reasons hereof are different, for the cause of some mens ouer-great incredulitie, is weaknesse, and want of iudgement, in that they are not able to discusse what they heare. The ouer-light beliefe of others proceedeth from hence, in that they neglect, at leastwise do not seriously consider what is said, but relie more vpon the authoritie of the speaker, then the truth of that which is spoken, according to that of Euripides:

In rich mens mouthes the sentence of the poore,

Soundeth alike (perhaps) but weigheth more.

Which common experience proues true in those who are wont to say, I beleeue it, for I heard it of such a Gentleman, or such a Lord, or (to expresse Euripides his owne terme) of such a man of credite and account. Seeing then this ouer-great credulitie entertaineth all reports alike without iudgement or discretion, to exemplifie euerie branch in particular, would be a thing not onely tedious, but euen endlesse, and such as would neither be pleasant nor profitable to the Reader. I will therefore content my selfe with the relation of one of them, which may serue as an introduction to the argument I haue here vndertaken to intreate of.

First therefore I will begin with the rashnesse of certaine critickes in censuring the writings of ancient authors, which as it is now growne farre greater then euer it was in former time, so the leuitie of others in beleeuing their censures, was neuer so great. Indeed some of these selfe-conceited censurers, who haue not lost all modestie, shoot their bolts in priuate only among their friends: others suffering themselues to be transported with presumption and vaineglory, not herewith content, publish them in print, to the view of the world. Wherof we haue an example in an Italian, whose iudgment (or censure) of certain Latin Poets, if it were true, he only among all the students of Poets and Poetrie for these diuers hundred yeares, was sharp sighted and Eagle eyed, the rest as blind as Moles & Beetles. And what (I beseech you) say these credulous men herupon? Such & such a one (as I take it) is no such good Poet. And why Sir, I bseech you? Because (forsooth) such a learned and [Page] famous writer saith so. In like manner, we haue heard of some within these few yeares, who haue held strange opinions of Latin authors: some giuing the preheminence (for a pure and elegant stile) to three; others to one onely. For some make a triumuirate of Terence, Cicero and Caesar. Others make Cicero the Prince or rather monarch and soueraigne Lord of all the Latinists. And then God knowes how finely they who alledge no other reason then the authoritie of such iolly iudges come in with their I beleeue. In spite of all which, there was a bold Brittan who proscribed Cicero with all his eloquence to perpetuall banishment. Howbeit, he was straight recalled by another of greater account. See here (gentle Reader) how these learned Latin authors haue bene trounced by these dangerously conceited and proud presumptuous censurers. But what shall we say of Greeke Authors? Are they exempt from the sharpe censure of such critickes? No verily. For this worshipful writer of whom I haue spoken, spareth the Greeke writers no more then the Latin. And who knowes not, how that famous and thrise renowned Aristotle, with all his Philosophie, hath bene scourged by a pedant of Paris?

But to come somewhat nearer to Herodotus (the author of whom I am to speake) I will here enter discourse as well of Greeke as of Latine Historiographers, seeing they are the men who are most read and perused by all sorts of censurers, by reason of their translations. What historian then is there extant at this day, on whom these hastie hot-spurres spend not some by-words and taunting quips? As when they say, Herodotus doth nothing but lie. Thucydides can pen an oration pretily wel, and that is all. Xenophon is not like himselfe in his history. And some shew themselues yet more ridiculous in giuing peremptorie iudgment of the style of the historian by the translation; as when they say, ‘Thucydides hath no such graue and exquisite stile as some affirme him to haue: for a man can see no such thing neither in the Latin, French, nor any other translation.’ These men (me thinkes) speake to as great purpose, and with as good reason, as if a man should guesse at the beautie of one long before departed, by his skull taken out of the charnel-house: or as if one seeing a sicke man, reported to haue bene very faire and beautifull, of a vermilion hue, and ruddie as a rose (as we commonly speake when we would expresse a faire complexion) should call the truth of that report into question, or should affirme it to be as false as contradiction can make it onely vpon a silly supposall and meere imagination, that if there had bin any such thing, either the lineaments of his fine feature, or some rayes and relikes of that vermilion tincture would remaine to be seene. If any shall here aske me, why I make choise of this comparison, and deliuer my notion rather in this then in any other allusion: I answer, because I find none so fit nor pertinent to my purpose: for I dare confidently affirme, that the greatest part of Greeke writers, who in their owne language are sound and succulent, and of such excellent forme and feature, colour and tincture, that the beames of their beauty do draw vs into an admiration of them, and are (as it were) an allectiue to make vs in loue with them: look very sickly, as being much shrunk, and almost disfigured in French, Italian, Spanish, and other languages, by reason of the bad entertainment they haue found by the way. That is (to speake plainely without allegorizing) that the greatest part (especially of Greeke authors) who being read in their owne language by such as vnderstand them, haue excellent good grace, and do not onely please the eare, but euen rauish the mind with delight, are so poorely and pitifully translated into French, Spanish and Italian, that a man shall find as great difference betweene the originall Greek and their translations, as betweene a body in perfect health, and the same when after a long & lingring sicknes [Page] it is ready to giue vp the ghost. And from whence (I beseech you) cometh this, but onely from hence, that they which translated them into their mother tongue haue bene translators of translators, that is to say, haue translated them out of the Latin translation; and hauing no knowledge in the Greeke, haue not onely retained the errors of these translations, but often mistaking euen them also, haue fallen into sundry other more grosse and palpable. Whereof I haue giuen some few examples in my Thucydides, shewing how Laurentius Valla hath guessed, and (as it were) deuined at Thucydides his meaning: as also how the French translator Claudius de Seyssel bishop of Marse [...]le hath guessed at Vallas translation. But as Valla did much mistake the meaning of Thucydides, so Claudius de Seyssel did guesse amisse at Laurentius his meaning. So that looke how much the number of those is greater, which haue bene wronged in this kind (which is more truly verified of Thucydides and Herodotus then of any other,) so much is Plutarch the more beholding to two learned translators, who to array him in French, haue onely changed his garment and attire. Whereas these tinkerly translators (of whom I haue spoken) change not onely the authors attire, but put him also into another fashion.

But to returne to those who iudge not of authors by their translations, but by a certaine notion which they haue of their phrase and idiome. Verily such censurers are rather to be regarded, as not being so impudent as the former: nor yet like Rabbi Beda, who to the end he might auert king Francis the first from his most noble and princely resolution touching the establishing of professors of the languages, alleaged in the presence of the now deceassed M. Budé against the Greeke, that it was the fountaine of all heresies; whereas he (on the contrary) encouraged the King by all possible meanes to go forward with that so worthy a worke. But after it was once knowne that Beda condemned a language whereof he scarce knew the first letter, he was condemned of all for a very bedlem. Those (I say) which rely vpon some smattering knowledge they haue of the language, are not in the same degree of impudencie with the former; notwithstanding they shew that they haue eaten too much of the criticall creame, when they censure a whole worke because they vnderstand some part thereof. But that we may the lesse wonder at this rashnesse, we must remember an excellent saying of the foresaid Thucydides, There are none so bold as these blind bayards. The reason is plaine, because they cannot so well foresee the difficulties which they are to encounter with, as those who haue waded through them. And verily this prouerbiall sentence is verified at this day in all bold and rash aduenturers, but especially in such as take vpon them to censure classike authors, a thing as well dangerous as odious. How euer it be, certaine it is that they who for their sufficiencie might best play the Aristarchi, and thereby purchase to themselues immortall fame, do least of all others intermeddle therewith.

But to descend to particulars: if the common prouerbe, A fooles bolt is soone shot, was euer verified in Greeke or Latin writer, it may be truly said of Herodotus aboue the rest: for he (poore author) is euer brought vpon the stage, no [...] onely by such as haue read him rather in a strange language then in his owne; but euen by those who haue not read so much as one line or letter in him, but are altogether ignorant of the very inscription and title of his historie. How then (may some say) do they sentence and censure him? Verily by following the example of others, who (it may be) know nothing but by hearesay neither. But leauing such censorious Sirs, I come to those who ground not their opinion vpon so sandie a foundation, [Page] but seeme to be able to iustifie what they affirme. I demaund then, what reason they haue to condemne his histories as false and fabulous? Will they say, they know them better then the author himselfe? They are not (I hope) so deuoid of shame. Why then do they suspect them? Because (forsooth) they haue no shew nor semblance of truth. Consider here (gentle Reader) how Logically they reason, when they inferre, that therefore they are not true, because they seeme to be false.

But this is not all I haue to say: for I further deny that to be true which they take as granted and already proued, viz. that these histories haue neither substance nor shadow of truth in them. Yet admit it were so: whereon (I beseech you) do they ground their opinion? Verily vpon these two reasons. First, the exceeding great impietie which is to be seene in some particulars described by Herodotus, and the extreme folly which bewrayeth it selfe in othersome seeme to them altogether incredible. Secondly considering that most of that which we reade in his history, hath no correspondence to the customes and fashions of these times, they suppose auncient stories to be as dissonant from truth, as they are from that which they dayly heare and see. The former of which two reasons, branching forth into two stemmes or heads, I haue encountred before: for doubtlesse we shal find some as notorious facts as any mentioned in Herodotus, which we cannot but beleeue as hauing bene eye-witnesses therof. The like I affirme of the sottishnesse of those times. For though it may seeme incredible to some, yet I doubt not but if it be compared with the simplicitie of our late forefathers, it will be found but as a mole-hill in comparison of a mountaine, or a dwarfe of a giant. I am not ignorant how the poore Aegyptians in Herodotus are derided and laughed to scorne for their religion (if it may be so called) and deseruedly I confesse, as may appeare by their exceeding trifling ceremonies. But if we come to the superstitious Masse-priests, which haue bene within these threescore yeares, and narrowly search all their trash and trinkets, we shal be (in a maner) enforced to confesse, that the Aegyptians might (in comparison) euen glorie and boast of their religion. I say in comparison, as willing of two euils to point at the lesse. Notwithstanding lest any man should say that I speake of the last yeares snow, I will come to that which is plaine & manifest to all that haue their eyes in their heads. O (will some say) what great fooles were these Aegyptians to worship bruite beasts! I confesse they were great fooles indeed; yet so, as that they also confesse, that worshippers of liuelesse creatures are greater fooles then those that worship liuing creatures. Which being granted, the Masse-priests cake is all dough. For they worship both dead and liuelesse things. And of those things which neuer had life or sense, not only creatures of account, but euen vile and base things, as not onely siluer and gold, but wood and stone also. For if they did prostrate themselues onely before gold or siluer, their worship would be somewhat more honorable: (as the heathen when they would haue a god carying some maiestie with him, framed him of one of these two mettals.) And they might alledge that Iupiter transformed himselfe into a showre of gold. As also that in all ages (euen in those countries where Images were not in vse) couetous men haue worshipped these mettals as their gods: which cannot be said of wood and stone. Howbeit we haue a story in this author, which shewes what disgrace may befall the worshippers of gold and siluer, as well as of wood and stone. For we reade how that Amasis of a golden bason (wherein he was accustomed to wash his feet) made a god. And why might he not as well make a bason or chamber-pot of his god, as a god of his bason? But I leaue it to the Readers consideration, what a [Page] griefe and shame it ought to be to a man to see that, before which he hath prostrated himselfe, conuerted to so base and sordide vses as cannot once be named with modestie. And here doubtlesse the Aegyptians would alledge for themselues, that their worship being directed to, and terminated in liuing creatures (though they had pictures also and grauen images) was not liable to such disgrace and infamie. I omit such reasons as common sence leadeth vs vnto, to preferre a liuing thing (whatsoeuer it be) before that which is voide of life, or which neuer had life, and come to the other point, viz. that as the Aegyptians were not so sottish in their worship, neither were they so foolish in defending it. And therefore that which Diodorus Siculus reporteth of the Alexandrians, who would not pardon a Romaine for killing one of their cats, is more excusable and tollerable then the dealings of our Masse-mongers (whereof we haue bene eye-witnesses) when they cruelly massacred those that maimed their Images. For a liuing creature maimed in some member, is hindered of the natural motion whereof that member is an instrument. But doth he (I beseech you) that cutteth off the legges of an Image, depriue it of walking? or doth he that puts out the eyes of it (if I may so speake) bereaue it of sight? And yet the Aegyptians neuer tooke such cruell reuenge vpon any for killing their cats, as they haue done of late time in wrecking their malice vpon such as maimed any of their marmousets or puppets.

But sith the comparison standeth betweene these two follies, whether should be the greater, and that all Masse-mongers do not worship Images, we will come to that which all the professors of that religion generally worship, which is their great goddesse Diana, the pillar (as it were) of Popery, & the foundation of all their foolery, which they maintaine with fire and sword: let vs therefore weigh without partialitie or passion, what we wold think or say if Herodotus or some other ancient historian should tell vs, that men in certaine countries were Theophages (that is, God-eaters) as they report of Anthropophages, Elephantophages, Acridophages, Phthirophages, and such like; would we not straight say, that this Theophagie were incredible, and that these fablers deuised it of their fingers, and fathered it vpon them, though otherwise most barbarous? Notwithstanding we dayly heare certaine report of these Theophages; nay (which is more) of Theochezes. What say I, report? seeing we dwell in the same countries, townes, and houses with them? Concerning other mysteries as wel Morological as Hyperbadinomorological, which accompanie this Theophagie, I leaue them to the discretion of the Reader, from whose eyes God of his goodnesse hath remoued the veile of superstition: not doubting but that when he hath well weighed them, he will confesse with me, that in comparison of them, there is nothing base in the religion of the Aegyptians, I meane in their superstitious ceremonies, which they otherwise call Religion.

The second thing that crackes the credite of Herodotus, is, in that we reade sundry particulars in his historie, which sute not with the fashions of these times. For some there be (as hath bene said) who neuer obseruing the great alteration that is to be seene almost in all things since those dayes, would haue the disposition, customes and manners of our ancesters so to sute and iumpe with ours point-deuice, that nothing could please [...] them but what pleaseth vs. And not so onely, but would find a correspondence betweene the States of common-wealths, kingdomes and gouernments of those times with these of ours. Nay, some in reading of auncient histories go yet a step further, in measuring the climats of forreine and far remote regions by their owne, such simple soules they are. And for conclusion [Page] they alledge diuers reasons, for which sundry things related by Herodotus seeme improbable at the least. Well, be it so: yet what Logicke teacheth vs such a consequent? It is not probable, therfore it is false. If this were a good argument, nothing would seeme either strange or wonderfull. For what do we vse to wonder at, but at that which falleth out against our expectation or opinion? that is, at that which we find to be true, and yet seemeth to be false, because it is not vsuall, or aboue our reach, or against reason; I meane our mentall discourse grounded vpon such or such reasons. In the meane time consider whether this be not to tyrannize ouer historians, to subiect them (as it were) to this seruitude and slauery, that they report nothing but what we shall thinke probable, for feare of being accounted lying, fabulous, and dreaming fellowes.

But it will be more expedient (in my iudgement) to instance this by examples. Herodotus therefore reporteth very strange things I confesse: and moreouer affirme, that they are of two sorts. For in some of his histories we admire the works of nature: in other some we wonder at the actions of men; and not so onely, but hold them altogether incredible. First then we may not thinke any thing incredible in nature, if we consider the almightie power of the author and gouernour of nature. It were inough to make vs all at our wits end, if we should see the Sunne stay his course and stand stil in the firmament: and who would not say that it were cleane against the order of nature? Notwithstanding we haue such authenticall proofe herof, that we cannot once cal it into question. True it is, nature now a daies produceth neither Giants nor Pigmes: doth it therefore follow, that it neuer brought forth such? Touching Giants, the Scripture giueth sufficient testimonie: and dead mens bones may well induce vs to beleeue there haue bene such. And Pigmes (as authors haue described them) were not much differing from the dwarfes and elfes we dayly see. Men at this day liue not ordinarily aboue 80. or 90. yeares: and yet we dare not denie but that some (not to speake of Methuselah) haue liued sixe or seuen ages longer. And besides those mentioned in the holy writ, we find that many (long since their time) haue liued so exceeding long (though not so long as those mentioned in Scripture) that there is no comparison betweene their yeares and ours. Women at this day go but nine moneths for the most part: and therefore Herodotus must be sent packing with his ten moneths. See how easie a matter it is for those who credit the common report (which hath often a blister on her tongue) to condemne Herodotus as a fabulous fellow and lying Legendary. But let vs see how many authors they here encounter. For if Herodotus must not be heard with his ten moneths, neither must Hippocrates, Galen, Plutarch, Plinie, sundry lawyers, nor the greatest part of Poets, as Theocritus, Plautus, Cecilius, Virgil and Propertius, who affirme as much. But certaine it is, that they which condemne Herodotus in this particular, either haue not read him, or do not remember that they haue read as much in these writers; and being forestalled with this preiudicate opinion, that he maketh no conscience of a lie, they scorne any further information; to which if they would but lend a patient eare, they should (without forraging so farre) find the like, nay some farre greater and more wonderfull things in the extraordinary workes of nature then any mentioned by him. For clearing of which point, I wil adde an obiection of another kind. That which he reporteth of the fertility of the territory of Babylon, that one graine yeeldeth for the most part two hundred and oftentimes three hundred, farre surpasseth the fruitfulnesse of our soyle, and therefore (say they) it is out of question he here lied for the whetstone. But let these horned Logicians which frame such [Page] crooked arguments, answer whether nature can bring foorth fruite any more of her selfe, then the knife can cut of it selfe? They will answer (I am sure) that it cannot. I demaund then, what is that ouer-ruling hand which guideth and disposeth all these things? They dare not denie but that it is Omnipotent▪ which if they grant, why should they thinke that to be impossible to him, which is here affirmed by Herodotus? If they shall further say, that he and other historians tell vs strange tales of the fertilitie of certaine countries, whose plentie consisteth at this day only in scarcitie, want and penurie, and hereupon shall accuse him of forgerie; let them beware lest they inuolue the holy scriptures in the same accusation. For they make some places fertile, which are now in a maner barren. But if we consider the hand, which somtimes stretcheth forth it self, and somtimes drawes it self in again, which now sendeth forth a blessing, and now a curse vpon one and the same country. In briefe, if we call to mind the saying of Dauid, Psal. 104. and refer the reason of such alterations to that supreame and soueraigne cause, we shall find the true answer to such obiections. Moreouer, those who for the former reason will not beleeue Herodotus his report of the fruitfulnesse of Babylon, will neuer beeleue that the citie Babylon was so great as he reporteth it to haue bene, viz. that those which dwelt in the suburbes were surprised and taken before they in the heart of the citie had knowledge thereof. For if we measure the largenesse of it by the greatnesse of our cities, it cannot chuse but seeme false and fabulous.

I proceed now to prosecute the second part, touching the actions of men. First then as Herodotus is suspected of falshood and forgery, for reporting that Babylon was so beautiful, great & rich, and situate in so fertil a soile: so is he also for the large report which he maketh of the puissance of the Persian Kings, Lords of that citie. For who can beleeue that a King of Persia euer led such an armie as drunke riuers drie? I meane such small riuers as he speaketh of. True it is (I confesse) if the Reader shal consider the power of our moderne Kings, and thereby iudge of the puissance and power of the Persian Monarchs, he cannot but hold Herodotus for the fondest fabler that euer writ. But to make this comparison, were to demaund (as one did) whether the Sea were greater then the Lake of New-castle: and it were to speake with as good iudgement as he that said (as it is reported) Se le Rey de Franse se fousse bin gouuerna, è fousse maitre d'houta de n [...]utron seigna [...]. It were (I say) to measure the power of Princes with his mete-wand, who said, Mo, l'è pur matto'sto ré, à [...]olerse [...]uffar con san Marco. L'è perso, che i signori ha deliberato di mettere in terra cinquecenti cauai fottili. For looke how much these fond fooles debased the King of France by such ignorant and doltish speeches: so much do they decase the King of Persia, who compare him with our moderne Kings. But as he which asked whether the Sea were greater then the Lake of Newcastle, would neuer haue demanded this question if he had seene Danubius or Nilus, but wold (at least should) haue gathered, that if these riuers do incomparably exceed this Lake in bignesse, the Sea (into which all riuers do run) must needs be of a huge and spacious greatnesse: so he that hath but read what forces Tamberlaine leuied of late yeares in comparison (being at the first but a Neatheard) will (no doubt) if he haue but a dramme of iudgement thereby gather, that the power of the Persian Kings did infinitely surpasse the forces of our moderne Kings. For Tamberlaine had sixe hundred thousand footmen and foure hundred thousand horsemen when he encountred Baiazet the Turkish Emperour; and hauing discomfited two hundred thousand of his men, led him away prisoner in fetters of gold. Now then if Tamberlaine of a neatheard became so puissant a Prince, to what height (may we think) [Page] mounted the Kings of Persia, considering that euen from their cradles they were men of matchlesse might, which at their dying day they left much more increased? For confirmation whereof, though many pregnant proofes might be produced, yet I will content my selfe with such as historians do affoord, as namely how Xerxes (one of these Emperours) gaue to Themistocles fiue great cities, the first for his pantry, the second for his celler, the third for his kitchin, the fourth for his wardrobe, and the fift for his bed-chamber. And what great thing was this for the King of Persia to giue? Verily no more then for a King at this day to giue one or two small villages.

They further affirme, that it is not probable that euer any King should play such prankes as Herodotus reporteth, not onely not beseeming their places and persons (being Princes) but any simple swaines or corridons of the countrey. Whereunto I answer, that if it were a new thing to see Kings commit facts vnbeseeming their places and persons, we might well suspect his report in this behalfe. But if it be common and ordinary in euery childs mouth, why should we not beleeue it? What (may some say) is it credible that a King should so farre forget himselfe, as to expose his naked wife to the view of his seruant, as Herodotus affirmeth of King Candaules? To which I answer, that if Candaules were the onely King that played so shamefull a part, we were in some sort to be pardoned, if we did not subscribe hereto; (though other as vile parts and practises of theirs might induce vs to beleeue it) but when we finde in other vndoubted histories that Kings haue done the like, why should not his testimonie go for currant with vs? Nay, we reade of some who haue not onely committed the selfe same fact, but others also farre worse. Albeit my memory furnisheth me onely with two examples at this present. The first is of one who committed the very same: The second, of another who did wel worse. For the first, consider what Suetonius writeth in the life of Caligula, where he discourseth of that which this King (or Emperour as the Romanes speake) did to his wife Cesonia, Vt sape chlamyde, pelta (que) & galeâ armatam, & iuxta adequitantem, militibus ostenderit, amicis verò etiam nudam. Yea but Caligula was a man giuen ouer to all kind of villanie. And what then? as though Candaules was not as very a villaine as he? For the second, consider how a King (not registred among the rest as famous, or rather infamous for his villanies) hath committed a farre more shameful fact then the shewing of his naked wife. For Baptista Fulgosius reporteth how that Henry King of Castile, sonne to king Iohn, being frigide and vnable to get children, had one by the helpe of a goodly yong man of the countrey, one Beltramus Cueua. As who so will not credite my report, may reade in the third chapter of the ninth booke of the said Fulgosius. And it is further to be noted, that he did not this in heate of affection, in some sodaine moode or passion, but after long and mature deliberation, hauing aduanced him from the bottome of basenesse to the height of honor, from the dunghill euen to a Dukedome, to the end he might the last draw from▪ him this seruice in recompence of so many benefites. And if I were disposed to speake of priuate men, I could alledge examples of sundry sages, possessed with this Kings humour, cosingermans to that wittall, who is so famous by these verses of Iuuenal,

—doctus spectare lacunar,

Doctus & ad calicem vigilanti stertere naso.

But among other stories impugned by many, and reckoned in the number of ridiculous tales, that is not to be forgotten which is recorded in his first booke, of certaine that came to King Cresus, requesting him they might haue his sons company [Page] to assist them in taking a great wilde Boare which wasted the countrey. See (say they) a sine fable, and easie to be beleeued, that a Kings sonne should be intreated to performe such an exploit. Verily if this historie were to be examined by the custome at this day, I grant they had reason thus to except. For example, in the yeare 1548. when a cat of mount which came out of the forrest of Orleans did infinitely endamage the country of Berry (as another beast had done elsewhere in the yeare 1546.) the inhabitants were farre from requesting the King of France his sonne (though he had bene of yeares) to helpe them. But if we consider (as we ought) that Kings in those dayes were exceeding iealous of their honour in performing brauer exploits in hunting (especially in striking fierce and furious beasts) then any of their subiects, we shall haue no cause to thinke this history strange. Now that they were indeed iealous hereof, in such sort as hath bene said, may appeare by that which Ctesias, Xenophon, and Herodotus also (as I remember) report hereof, viz. how they put some of their huntsmen to death for striking the beast they had in chase, and so depriuing them of that honour which (as they thought) was due to none but to themselues. But leauing the further prosecuting of this point, we vnderstand by this story what great desire they had to become famous and renowned for their prowesse and actiuitie.

I haue likewise heard the story of the Magician who fained himselfe King of Persia, and for seuen moneths was reputed for no lesse, accounted fabulous. For is it likely (say they) that this counterfeit should not haue bene discouered in so long time? To which I answer, that we haue sundry examples of this kind of cosinage (as I haue shewed in my Latin Apologie) where I haue alledged two notable examples of the like imposture, viz. of such as haue enioyed the name and roome of those whō they counterfeited, as though they had bene the parties themselues, which in all reason ought not so easily to be credited: and yet are so authentically verified, that we cannot doubt thereof. One is of dame Ioane (the she Pope) who was held for Pope Iohn, till that a butterflie came out of her belly. The other is of one Arnold du Tilh, who played the cunning counterfeit so well, that he was acknowledged and receiued as husband to the wife of one Martin Guerre, who was then absent, keeping her companie both at bed and boord as though he had bene her true husband, for the space of three yeares and more, during which time he had certaine children by her: neither she nor any of her kinred and friends euer dreaming that she had companied with any saue her own husband. But in the end her true husband returning home (but not knowne) commenced sute in the court of Parliament at Thoulouse against this Arnold, who disturbed him so grieuously in his possession in the yeare 1559. as is to be seene in that strange manner of proceeding afterwards published in print.

Touching the different dispositions and behauiours of men in sundry countries described by Herodotus, it is strange they should be found so strange as not to be beleeued; especially considering the difference and dissimilitude which is to be seene betweene vs and our neare neighbors, as also the continuall strange alterations of customes and fashions in one & the same country. For as for the difference betwixt vs and our next neighbours, who sees not, how in their manner of life, attire, and ordinary affaires, they haue nothing common with vs? If we should see a a man of worth in France, apparelled in greene, we would surely thinke he were somewhat fantasticall: whereas in many places of Germany this attire is generally approued of all as decent and seemly. Againe, if we should see a woman in France weare a gowne of diuers colours with broade guards, we would thinke she meant [Page] to come vpon the stage, or that she did it for a wager: whereas in that countrey they hold this kind of attire very ciuill. Further, we in France (and others also in other countries) would haue a hard conceit of a woman that should go vp and downe the streets with her breast laid open, shewing halfe her dugges: whereas in some places of Italie (especially at Venice) not so much as old filthy hanging dugs but are set out (as it were) to shew and sale. Moreouer, in France and elsewhere women go to market to buy their prouision: whereas in Italie their husbands go themselues, keeping their wiues mewed vp as it were in a cage. Furthermore, kissing in France betweene gentlemen and gentlewomen, &c. is permitted and held as honest, be they kinsmen or others: whereas such a kisse in Italie would not only be scandalous, but also dangerous. In recompence whereof, Italian dames make no conscience to paint themselues as French Ladies do, those at leastwise that are not Italianized. These few examples (which may serue vs as a patterne of that which hereafter (God willing) shal be handled more at large) shall suffice for this present: and herewith I will conclude, that if in so neare neighbouring nations, and in the same age, the manners of men are so dissonant and disagreeing one from another, we may not imagine the difference betweene vs and those of whom Herodotus speaketh so incredible, they being so farre remote from vs, not onely in distance of place, but also of time. But because the difference betweene our customes and those of our predecessors may easily be discerned, I spare examples.

Yet one thing further is to be noted, viz. that some which at the first blush may haply seeme foolish and ridiculous (and are therefore thought forged and fabulous) if they be throughly considered, will be found to be grounded vpon good reason. Among the rest, that of the Babylonians recorded in the first booke may well be numbred. ‘In euery market towne (saith he) once a yeare they assemble all the mariageable maides, and leade them to a certaine place appointed for the purpose, where a multitude of men come flocking about them: and there they are sold by an officer to him that offereth most, the fairest of all being cried first, and she being sold at a high rate, the next to her in beautie, and so the rest in order; yet vpon condition that they marry them and take them for their wiues. Whereupon the richest Babylonians intending to marry, but the fairest and most beautifull virgins in the company, one out-bidding another in the bargain. The country swains contenting themselues though they haue not the fairest, take the woodden-fac'd wenches, and the ill-fauourd-foule-fustilugs for a small summe. For when the officer hath sold all the handsomest, he comes to the foulest of them all (her especially that is lame, or hath but one eye, or some such deformitie) and cries aloud, Who will haue her for such a price? In the end she is deliuered to him that will be content to marry her for the smallest summe. The mony which is giuen for the mariage of the foulest, acrewing of the sale of the fairest. And thus the faire marry the foule, and such as haue any bodily blemish or imperfection. Neither is it lawfull for any to giue his daughter to whom he thinkes good; nor for him which hath bought her, to carry her away before he hath giuen his word that he will marry her.’ This story at the first sight seemeth not onely strange, but also ridiculous: howbeit if we consider the causes and inducements which moued the Babilonians to marry their daughters in this sort, we shall find that there is more reason and lesse sin in this custome, then in sundry lawes deuised by those great Philosophers Plato and Aristotle.

Now as it cannot be denied but that there are in Herodotus sundry customes and fashions, both wilde and wicked, which for this cause carry small credite with [Page] them: so must it needs be granted that he recordeth many noble enterprises, famous acts and valiant exploits, vndertaken, managed and atchieued with such courage, prowesse and valour, as may well deserue admiration. And that there is nothing in [...]his history so abhorring from truth or so incredible, but may winne credence if we compare it with that which other historians haue written in the like kinde. For they report farre stranger facts, I meane such as were atchieued with infinite greater prowesse and valour. And verily since the first inuention of guns it was necessary men should (as it were) double and treble their valour, in exposing themselues against their mercilesse fury and rage. And we haue dayly euents and occurrences which do in a maner compel vs to beleeue that to be true, which before we held to be false. The fact of Cocles alwayes thought so strange and incredible, was confirmed Anno 1562. by a Scot, who being pursued by certaine Reisters (from whom he could not wind himselfe) leapt with his horse from the top of the mountaine Caux (neare to Havre de Grace, called Hable) into the Sea, and so escaped safe to land: which is a story confirmed by innumerable testimonies.

I am further to aduertise thee (gentle Reader) that some stories recorded by Herodotus, which seeme very strange, and which a man would think were written for the whetstone, are confirmed not onely by the testimonies of approued later writers, but of our moderne historians, as I haue shewed in my Latine Apology. Of which number that of the women of Thrace may wel be reckoned, who contended when their husband was dead (for one man had many wiues) which of them should die with him for companie. For each of them affirmed that they were best beloued: and thereupon great suite was made by their kinsfolkes and friends, that they might haue the honour to accompanie him at his death. For she that was thus graced, was accounted happie, the rest going away with shame enough all their liues after. Verily this history cannot be sampled nor paralelled by any example of women in these countries: for euen those kind hearts which loue their husbands best, would looke strangely vpon him that should aske them whether they could not be contented to lay downe their liues for their husbands▪ as Alcestis did, (a fact grounded vpon better reason then that of the Thracians.) And I perswade my selfe they would aske so many three dayes respite, and so many termes to answer in one after another, that there would be no end. But shall we therefore say it is a fiction? For my part, though there were none but onely Herodotus that affirmed it, I would not hold it incredible, considering what Caesar and other auncient historians write of those which suffered voluntary death with the Kings of Aquitane. For the King of that countrey (saith he) had six hundred men with him, whom he entertained in his Court, permitting them to haue a hand in managing the affaires of the State, vpon condition they should beare him companie at his death: which (without further intreatie) they were readie to performe. This history (I say) maketh the other much more credible. But to omit this known example, we find this very thing which Herodotus reports of these Thracians, recorded by other historiographers, who (as we know) neuer tooke it out of him: and testified also by others who were eye-witnesses thereof: albeit they report it of the Indians and not of the Thracians.

I further affirme that our moderne historians report some stranger things then any is to be found in Herodotus, which hath purchased him so ill a name; which notwithstanding go for currant from hand to hand, because the authors thereof are men of credit and account. Those especially which write of barbarous countries, [Page] tell vs certaine strange stories, farre surpassing any in Herodotus. I meane such strange wonders as are to be seene in the workes of nature, and the actions of mens liues, as well in their manners as dispositions. Whereof we haue examples in those who haue written of Muscouy (in auncient time called Scythia) especially in Sigismundus Liber; who discoursing of strange humours and dispositions, hath one thing amongst the rest which is more then incredible. And though all men should subscribe vnto it, yet I see not how any woman could be brought to credit it: and yet he speaketh nothing but vpon good euidence. It is of a woman borne in a countrey bordering vpon Muscouy, who though her husband entertained her in the kindest melting maner that might be, yet perswaded her selfe he cared not for her. Whereupon he demaunding on a time what reason she had to thinke so? she answered, because he shewed not the true tokens of his loue. He then requesting her to expound her meaning: How (quoth she) can you say you loue me, sith since the time we came first together you did neuer beate me? He wondering at this so strange a humour and extraordinary desire, promised to giue her her bellie full. Which when he had done, both parties tooke greater contentment then euer before: for she found her selfe well by being beaten, and he by beating of her. For where as it is said, that the cudgell marres loue, the cudgell made loue. And thus he kindly entertained her for a long time. Howbeit in the end he entertained her so exceeding kindly with blowes, that he killed her with kindnesse, causing loue and life to giue their last farewell.

There remaine yet other things to be spoken concerning Herodotus; but it shall suffice that they haue bin discussed in my Latin Apologie. And here I wil take my leaue of thee (gentle Reader) onely desiring thee to hold me excused if haply thou find any thing slubbered vp or posted ouer. For as touching my rude and vnpolished stile, and abuse of certaine termes, besides that the great varietie of matter might excuse me (the bare contriuing whereof would haue required greater leisure) I hope my profession will pleade for me: for it distracted my mind, and constrained me to deuide the same halfe houre to the studie of the Greeke, Latine and French. But I will confesse mine ignorance, that I know not where a man may furnish himselfe with such a French phrase as may go for currant in all places, seeing the best French words are dayly reiected and cried downe by our new mint-masters, who though they thinke they vse a fine filed phrase, and speake in print after the Court fashion, yet speake harshly & barbarously in the iudgement of the sager and soberer sort who retaine the ancient phrase of speech. True it is (I confesse) I haue here coined some new words, howbeit very sparingly, there onely where the auncient failed, and such as any man may perceiue I haue forged of pleasure, that I might speake ridiculously of ridiculous things, which notwithstanding through the simplicitie of some silly soules are accounted very serious. And albeit (gentle Reader) I am not ignorant that it will be thought that I am verie forgetfull and much wanting to my selfe, in that I make no other excuse nor Apologie touching this edition: yet I hope I shall not need to intreate further hereof by the grace of God, to the which I heartily commend thee.

HENRIE STEPHEN to his friend.

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WHen I first tooke pensill in hand to draw the lineaments of this present Apologie, wherin I haue shadowed out a world of wonders, I perswaded my selfe that such as were acquainted with my daily emploiments (whereof the weale-publike, I meane such as loue and like good literature may reape lesse pleasure, but more profite, then by this discourse) would reckon this worke for none of the least wonders. And nothing doubting but that you (Sir) were one of that number, I was the more willing to ease you of that paine, (paine I say, seeing admiration is counted a passion by Philosophers) and to satisfie you touching the inducements which moued me to vndertake this present businesse. Marke then in what tearmes it stands. Hauing set forth Herodotus translated by Laurentius Valla, and corrected by my selfe, and prefixed an Apologie in behalfe of his historie, I had intelligence not long after of one who was minded to translate it into French: which I did the rather beleeue, and the more feare, for that I remembred a like pranke which had bene played me about eight yeares before. For I had no sooner published a little Pamphlet, but it met with a tinkerly translator, who Pigmalion-like doted vpon his owne doings, thinking he had put out the Popes eye; whereas to my thinking he roued at randon, and erred the whole heauen; in such sort that I could neither conceiue what I had written, nor yet perceiue any footsteps of my wonted stile. So that I may well say with the Italian, that he performed not the office of a traduttore, but of a traditore, that is, that he played not the part of a translator, but of a traitor. Which notwithstanding I pardoned in that namelesse author, not doubting but that in doing amisse he did his best endeuour. Fearing therefore lest the like inconuenience would befall this mine Apologie, I thought good to take order for it betime. And after a short summons of my thoughts, I soone perceiued that it was my onely course to preuent these turkishers, by being mine owne interpreter; as knowing I could not only vnderstand mine owne meaning better then another, but also take that libertie to my selfe, which would neither be permitted them, nor yet beseeme them. Notwithstanding all fell out crosse and contrary to my expectation. For the translation which I had begun, disliked me so much, that I gaue it ouer in the plaine field, and in stead thereof (for mine owne satisfaction) began to prosecute this present worke, or rather some shadow or semblance thereof. For certes it was not my purpose to lanch so farre into the deepe; but going about to saile by the shore, I straight found that I was floting in the maine. And then I remembred the Greeke prouerbe, that a man ought to be well aduised before he take ship, but when he hath once hoised vp the sailes, it is too late to intreate the winds. Notwithstanding I am arriued (God be thanked) at the last, if not at the wished hauen, yet where I rest content. But to leaue these flourishes of Rhetoricke, and to speake plaine English, whereas my purpose was not to exceed the particulars handled in the Latin Apologie, I fell by little and little into other discourses, the prosecuting whereof I found to be more tedious then I had thought, and such as you here see. Howbeit I am in good hope that this worke (once come to perfection) will be both pleasant and profitable; so as the Reader may not only reape benefite by euery particular here recorded, but further learne to parallele auncient stories with moderne, by obseruing their conformitie [Page] and Analogie (if this word sound not too harshly in English eares;) and consequently to speake with greater reuerence and respect of auncient historians: as also to omit no remarkable thing (which may stand him in stead when occasion shall serue) without due obseruation. I say, this worke once come to perfection, because this is but an Introduction or Preparatiue treatise, as the title purporteth: albeit a man may here take a tast of that which hath bene said, which is the cause why I call it A preparatiue Treatise, or The first booke of the Apologie. But you may here haply demaund the reason that moued me first to pen the Latin Apologie, which was my first Essay? Verily (to deale plainly with you) the great pleasure which I tooke in reading the Greeke storie, made me not onely forget my paines in correcting infinite scapes in the Latin translation: but further so obliged me vnto it by the great content it gaue me, that I could do no lesse then pleade for it in these my Apologeticall discourses, against the Philippicks and sharpe inuectiues of such seuere and rigide censurers as cease not to accuse it of falshood, forgerie and fabulositie: and that the great desire I had to testifie my good will and affection towards this author, shold banish all feare of mine owne insufficiency to vndertake the penning of such an Apologie, til some other, better able to furnish out this argument, should take it in hand. Moreouer I confesse (for I can conceale nothing from my friend) that one reason among the rest which moued me to affect this storie (being common to me with all French-men who are seene in the Greeke tongue) was not onely the great affinitie the French hath with the Greeke aboue any other language (as I haue shewed at large in a treatise which I published touching the conformitie of these two languages) but for that there is not a Greeke author extant at this day, nor any to be found in the best Libraries in France or Italie, which agreeth so well with the French phrase, and to the vnderstanding whereof the knowledge of the French is so necessarie and auaileable, as Herodotus is.

Now as I haue taken vpon me to be Herodotus his aduocate: so I am to intreate you to be mine, in pleading for me, against such supersilious censurers as not content to lash me for my faults (for I feare me I haue giuen them iust cause in many places) shall straine themselues to go a note aboue Ela, and to correct Magnificat, in calumniating that which their consciences tell them cannot be bettered. And albeit it may be thought that I haue stretched euery storie vpon the tainters, and made mountaines of mole-hils, in enlarging each other narration, thereby to winne the greater applause and admiration: yet you (who know me so well) can witnesse with me, that I make conscience of enhancing the meanest historie. And verily I was so farre from taking this libertie to my self, that where I found my authors (who are for the most part classique writers, or historians of note) iarring and at discord, I left all circumstances doubtfull and vncertaine, contenting my selfe with the substance of the storie fully resolued and agreed vpon. You may also boldly speake it vpō my word, that if I haue brought in any like mummers in a mask, concealing their names, it was not because I was ignorant of them, but for that I knew it would be more odious to some, and lesse profitable to others. How profitable? (may some say) Verily the examples in the first part of the Apologie serue in stead of crystals, wherin we may see the waiwardnesse and vntowardnesse, the peeuishnesse and peruersnesse of our nature, how backward it is to any thing that is good, and how prone and propense to that which is euill; as also what we are of our selues when we are destitute of the feare of God, which as a bridle should curbe and keep vs in; which point is handled more at large Chap. 11. sect. 4. Againe, they serue in stead of aduertisements or warning-peeces, to admonish vs of sundrie subtill sleights and deceits, so common and rife in the world. Those in the second part shew how farre one age exceeds another in clownisme and rusticitie: more especially they serue vs in stead of so many mirrours, wherein we may behold the naturall blindnesse of the multitude in the maine matter concerning their saluation, and consequently [Page] in what great need they stand of diuine illumination. True it is indeed, I haue there also blazoned the vertues of our good Catholickes of the Popish Clergie, who feede themselues fat by famishing of others, in debarring them of the foode of their soules, and wickedly prophaning that which they beare the world in hand, and vrge vpon others as the onely true religion. Whose inditement I haue so hotly pursued, and trauersed euerie point thereof, that (I feare me) I haue somewhat ouershot my selfe in setting downe some of their sweete sayings and doings in the darke, not worthie to be heard but by their owne eares: which, I perswade my selfe, not you onely, but all that know me, will interprete no otherwise. Notwithstanding let me intreate you to do the part of a faithfull friend, in informing those with whom you shall conuerse, of the sinceritie of my meaning herein: lest haply they stretch my words beyond the leuell of my thoughts, or make some other construction of my meaning then indeed was meant. And thus Sir, accordingly I recommend my suite vnto you, and my selfe to your fauour, desiring the Lord you may rest in his.

From our Helicon the sixt of Nouember. 1566.

AN INTRODVCTION TO A TREATISE, TOVCHING THE CONFORMITIE OF AVNCIENT AND MODERNE WONDERS: OR A Preparatiue Treatise in defence of HERODOTVS. Which may also be called, The first booke of the Apologie for Herodotus.

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The Preface to the first Part.

AS there are many who do highly esteeme of Antiquitie, and haue it in great admiration, and are (if I may so speake) so zealously affected towards it, that the reuerence they beare it, is in the nearest degree to superstition: so there are others (on the contrary) who are so farre from giuing it that which of due belongs vnto it, that they do not onely disgrace it what they can, but euen tread it vnder foote. Now that these two opinions (be they fancies or humors) haue borne sway among the auncient, shall appeare hereafter by pregnant proofes. But for the better manifestation of the reasons whereon they ground their opinions, I thought it not impertinent to treate in generall of the vertues and vices of auncient times, searching out the first source and spring thereof: that so in the sequel of this discourse I may come to examine and trie the truth of the old prouerbiall sentence, which saith by way of aequiuocation, Le monde va tousiours à l'empire, The world growes daily worse and worse. And so descending (as it were) by steps and degeees, may note and obserue the examples of alterations which haue happened in this age or somewhat before, as an Introduction to the Preparatiue treatise of the Apology for Herodotus.

And first I will begin with the description of the first Age, not as it is recorded in Canonicall Scripture, which cannot lie; but in the Apocryphall writings of Poets, who cannot speake the truth; being as false, fond and fabulous, as it is true, certaine and vnfallible. And I beginne with Poets the rather, because most men haue euer bene addicted to the reading of Poemes, being thereunto allured by their pleasant fictions, which insinuating themselues by little and little into their eares, haue in processe of time so setled in their minds, that they haue taken deepe rooting therein. Whereby we perceiue, how men in old time by entertaining of fables, and suffering them to lodge and harbour in their minds, haue bene brought to beleeue many fond fooleries, which haue bene conueyed from hand to hand, and deliuered by tradition from father to sonne. Whereas the Scripture hath bene locked vp (as it were) in an vnknowne tongue, as well from these great admirers and scorners of antiquitie, as from those of whom I am about to speake. Nay, many who haue had some smattering knowledge therein, haue reiected them [Page] as more fabulous then meere deuised fables. For some poeticall fictions taken originally from the sacred fountaine of veritie (as a true storie may be disguised sundry waies) seeme more probable in some mens corrupt iudgement then the truth it selfe, as shall be exemplified in the Chapter following.

CHAP. I. A description of the first Age of the world, called by Poets Saturnes, and the golden Age: and how they haue depraued it with their foolish fictions, as they haue done other histories in the Bible.

IF we will giue any credite to Greeke and Latin Poets, we must confesse that the first age (called by them the golden age) was as happy as a man could wish. For the ground without tilling or manuring plentifully affoorded all commodities for the life of man; which were common to all, seeing no man knew what mine and thine meant: and consequently were not acquainted with hatred, enuie and stealth, much lesse with warre; and therefore needed not to beare armes against any, saue onely (as some are of opinion) against wilde beasts, which they were not greatly to feare neither, considering their walles were so high that they could not spring them, and so strong that they could not demolish them. I say as some are of opinion: for others make no exception at all, but affirme that wilde beasts were then more gentle and tractable then tame ones are at this day: and that those which are now poisonfull and venimous (as experience shewes) were then nothing dangerous. But to leaue this dispute, and to prosecute my former description touching the particular, wherein all generally accord; we shall further beleeue (I say) that as there were then no lawes, so neither was there need of any, seeing no man wished the hurt or hinderance of his neighbour, neither was sollicited thereto by any meanes. Besides, they knew not what sicknesse meant: and as they were of a strong and sound constitution, so did they abound with all things necessary for the sustentation of mans life, albeit they knew not of what colour gold, siluer, copper, or other mettals were. For men were not then so curious to dig the earth to know what nature had hid in the bowels thereof. Besides, they minded not the sea, neither tooke they triall in what sort the windes did tosse the waues; for euery man abode at his owne home, like the snaile in her shel, or the Monk in his cell, nothing curious nor carefull to know what his next neighbours did; no more then the old man in Claudian, who though he dwelt within a quarter of a mile of Verona (or thereabout) yet neuer went thither in all his life: nor then the Venetian gentleman, who being almost foure score and ten yeares old, neuer desired to go out of Venice vntill he was confined therein as in a prison. This (to omit the hony and milken riuers with such like toyes) is the summe of that which Poets haue deliuered touching the felicity of that age, and of that plaine, honest, and vpright dealing which was then in vse, notwithstanding the great plentie and abundance of all things, contrary to the old Greeke prouerb, which hath bene found too true of other ages, A good land, a bad people.

Now that this Poeticall description of the felicitie of the first age is true in generall (if we consider the state of man before the fall) we may not denie, except [Page] we will call the Scripture into question: I say in generall, not insisting vpon particulars, though Poets like wire-drawers extend it further then they are warranted by holy writ, which shewes how that immediatly after the fall of our first parents man did eate his bread in the swe [...]te of his browes, of which Poets also speake, though turkishing the storie, or (to speake more properly) turning it into a meere fable: affirming that the great God Iupiter created the world of a huge confused masse, which they call Chaos (wherein the elements were mingled pel-mell) and that Prometheus afterwards formed men of earth tempered with water, in the likenesse and similitude of the Gods. They adde moreouer, that he stole fire from heauen, and conueyed it downe to the earth; wherea [...] this great God was so highly offended (in that men by this meanes found out mechanical arts and sciences) that for a punishment he sent them a yong damsell framed by all the Gods, (each of them hauing bestowed something vpon her, some to perfect her in beautie, others to make her wanton, subtill, craftie, and full of alluring freights; Vulcan hauing formerly framed the body of clay, and after infused the soule into it) and directed her first to Prometheus, who being wary and wise▪ would not receiue her, mistrusting some trechery: but his vnwise brother Epimetheus willingly accepted of her, & gaue her entertainment. Howbeit he felt the smart of it shortly after, and not he onely, but all his posteritie after him. For this Minion forthwith opened a box, whereout issued all manner of euils, mischiefes and miseries, which haue euer since harboured in the world. Now vnder these fables and fictions lay the true story of the creation of our first parents, and of their Apostasie (as it were) masked and disguised. For by the first man framed by Prometheus, we are to vnderstand Adam; and by the yong damsell called Pandora, Eue, (who being brought to Adam, was the cause of his fall:) and by the fire which was stolne from heauen (by meanes whereof men came to the knowledge of mechanicall arts) the forbidden fruite, whereby they had experimentall knowledge of good and euill.

True it is, all Poets stay not here; but (as it is the custome to amplifie and enlarge mens reports) adde that Prometheus fashioning the first man of earth, infused into him somewhat of the nature of euery beast (for all of them were then created) as namely part of the Lions fury, which he instilled into his breast. Howbeit poore Prometheus could not escape their sharpe censures, for not hauing duly considered of all things appertaining to the constitution of a humane body: as for not making windowes in his breast, whereby we might see what was in his heart; seeing most mens hearts and tongues agree no better then harpe and harrow. Againe, whereas some say, that this Pandora was the first woman that was made: others affirme that Prometheus framed a certaine [...] number of women, immediatly after the creation of man, and they blame him more for this second worke then for the first: for he ought (say they) to haue considered sundry things in the framing of this sexe, which it seemeth he did not; alledging this among the rest, that he gaue vnto them as large a tongue as vnto men; whereas if they had had but halfe a tongue, they would haue pratled more then enough. But if Prometheus would make me his Proctour to pleade his cause, me thinkes I should not be vnprouided of an answer: and though he giue me not my fee, nor request me to speake in his behalfe, yet I will answer in a word, that he knew not that women would prattle more then men; neither could he imagine how their ton [...]ues could vtter one thing, and their hearts conceiue another. No maruell therefore if he did not preuent the inconueniences which he did not foresee.

[Page]But to returne to the arguments which all Poets haue handled with one accord, borowing them from the Scripture, they tell vs strange tales of god-gastering Giants, who heaped mightie mountains one vpon another, which might serue them in stead of ladders to scale the heauens: whereas the Scripture speakes onely of such as would needs build a Tower whose toppe might reach to heauen: neither doth it call them Giants, though elsewhere it make mention of such. The floud likewise was a common argument with Poets, who agree with the Scripture in the cause wherefore it was sent, viz. as a punishment for the sinne of man.

Now in speaking of the golden Age, I thought it not amisse to proceed a little further, to treate of these Poetical fictions, to the end I may shew (as occasion shall serue) that if these narratiōs, being no better then wel qualified fictions (for as they are termed fables, so are they acknowledged to be no other) haue notwithstanding some hidden truth in them, when they are diligently sought into, and sounded to the bottome: we ought not lightly to condemne auncient histories, those especially whereunto auncient writers haue subscribed, as not hauing the least shew or semblance of truth. In the meane time I confesse, that as Poets haue disguised, yea falsified sundry histories in the Scripture: so haue sundry historiographers likewise done, as namely Iosephus, and Eusebius in his Euangelicall preparation. I remember also, that when I was in Italie I read in one of their Libraries a fragment of Diodorus Siculus, where he speakes of Moses, turning him like Proteus into euery forme and fashion. And what (I beseech you) haue some historians written of the originall and religion of the Iewes? What haue they also spoken of our blessed Sauiour? And though I should grant all these to be fictions in historians, yet they shall pardon me (if they please) if I do not grant that a man transported with a preiudicate opinion may condemne any historie vpon his meere (and it may be foolish) fancie. For as there is no reason that the good should suffer for the bad: so neither that true stories should beare part of the punishment due to the false. Thus then I returne to the golden Age.

CHAP. II. Another description of the first Age of the world (called by Poets Saturnes, and the golden Age) as it is recorded in Scripture, after the fall of our first parents. And in what sence those two Epithets may be giuen to the Age wherein we liue.

POëts (as I haue shewed a little before) confine not the felicitie of the first age of the world (described in the former Chapter) in so straight and narrow bounds as the Scripture doth, but giue it a farre longer time and tearme of yeares. For the murder committed by Cain, is much more auncient then that committed by Romulus, or any mentioned in prophane story. Notwithstanding if we make the Scripture Iudge and Vmpire of this controuersie (as Christians ought) we must needs confesse that simple and plaine dealing continued long after the fall of our first parents, in as great and ample measure, if not in greater then euer it did since; and that men were not so loose and licentious, so woluish and malicious in the golden Age, as in the ages following: in harmlesse innocencie and simplicitie, resembling [Page] the russet-coates of the country, in comparison of subtill citizens. So that the murther committed by Cain, may seeme as strange (considering the time) as a murther committed at this day by a countrey Coridon, in comparison of one committed by a citizen or Courtier. But howsoeuer the mystery of that secret stand, certaine it is that such dissolute demeanour and loosenesse of life, such riot and excesse, such swearing and swaggering, was neuer heard of in the prime and infancy of the world as afterward towards the middle Age, and as now in the decrepit Age thereof; in the decrepite Age (I say) if we may beleeue our eyes, or iudge by the course and cariage of things, or credit such as are better able to iudge of such questions then our selues. Neuerthelesse (vnder correction of better iudgement) I am of opinion that it fareth with the vniuerse or great world, as with man the litle world; in that The older it waxeth, the more it doteth. For he that shall seriously consider the guise of the world at this day, cannot but say that it doteth extreamely, and that it resembles the age of our good grandsire, gray-bearded Saturne, whose old and auncient name it may iustly challenge to it selfe: though on the other side, it may well be called the golden Age, in the sence that Ouid applied it to his owne, when he saith,

Aurea nunc verè sunt saecula: plurimus auro

Venit honos: auro conciliatur amor.

That is,

Golden is our latest worlds age most iustly reported:

Gold alone our loue buyes: gold onely purchaseth honor.

CHAP. III. How some haue ascribed too much to Antiquitie, and others derogated too much from it.

LEt vs now consider, whether by our former description of the first Age, it may appeare whereon these great admirers and contemners of antiquitie rest and rely themselues. And let vs in the first place examine the reasons which they alledge for confirmation of their opinions. First then we are to obserue, that the ouer-great reuerence which some haue borne to antiquitie, is sufficiently testified by certaine Latine phrases, as when we say, Nihil antiquius habui (that is, word for word, I esteemed nothing more auncient) in stead of this, There was nothing in the world so neare or deare vnto me; or, I had greater care of it then of any thing in the world besides. And, Nihil mihi est antiquius illa re, that is, I account nothing more deare, I hold nothing more precious. So Plautus, when he would commend a yong man to be well qualified, saith he was indued antiquis moribus. Againe, the Latins call that prisca fides which the French call La bonne foy, that is, plaine meaning, simple and honest dealing. And Cicero seemes to call those men antiquos, who vsed old and ancient simplicitie, and were (as a man would say) plaine Dunstable. But the question is, what ground they haue for their opinion, who by such phrases do so highly honour and magnifie antiquitie? To which I answer, that they who call good manners antiquos mores, and plaine dealing priscam fidem, allude (no doubt) to the golden Age, and the plaine simple dealing vsed in those dayes, as we haue described it in the second chapter. Wheras it is certain that they which vsed this phrase, [Page] Nihil antiquius habui, I esteemed nothing more auncient, in stead of, I had nothing in greater account, &c. had an eye to a further matter. Some say they respected the honour which was giuen to aged persons, which seemes to be more probable in that the Greeke word [...] is all one with the Latin, both for sound and signification: for it is applied to old men, whereas the Latin word antiquus is neuer vsed in that sence. Wherfore (vnder correction) I am of opinion that it is a phrase borowed from the great account and estimation which was had of antique works in former time, especially of painters and caruers. For when they spake of a picture or ancient statue, they meant a rare and exquisite peece of worke, which was much set by, and of great price: which they vnderstood not onely of the pictures of Apelles and Zeuxis, or of the statues of Scopas, Myron, Praxiteles, and like cunning artisans of those times (whose workes were then in farre greater request then those of Durer, Raphaël, and Michael Angelo are at this day) but of sundry other workmen of meaner note and later times. About which toyes some haue bene exceeding curious. For Horace reporteth that one Damasippus was so caried away with curiositie in this kind, that it bereft him of his wits. And I leaue it to thy consideration (gentle Reader) what the Poet (if he were now liuing) would say of these buyers, engrossers, and inhancers of Antikes, with whom the world is so pestered at this day, and at whose cost so many cheaters make such good cheare; who (poore soules) are so farre from discerning betweene antique and moderne, that they scarce vnderstand the meaning of the word [...], (which, such as it is, was lately brought hither into France by some fidling Italian) and this it is which makes them put their hand so often to their purses, and pay for the pins. And verily the Sauoyard did featly and finely, who going about to catch a sottish Antiquary, foolishly fond of such toyes, after that the fantastick had courted him a long time, in the end for a goodly auncient monument shewed him his wife who was foure score yeares of age. But to returne to the argument in hand. Many men in times past were strangely possessed and besotted with this humorous and itching desire of antiquitie in matters of Poems and Poetry: a fault complained of in the second booke of the Greeke Epigrams, but much more by Horace, when he saith,

Si meliora dies, vt vina, Poëmata reddit,

Scire velim pretium chartis quotus arroget annus.

Scriptor ab hinc annos centum qui decidit, inter

Perfectos, veteres (que) referri debet, an inter

Viles atque nouos?

That is,

If Poëms wont as wine receiue their praise

From lenger dayes: faine would I know what yeare

Our writings mote in deare? If he that wrate

About the date of hundred yeares agone,

Be deemed one of writers ripe and sage,

Or of the moderne age?

He further alledgeth sundry other arguments to this purpose, Lib. 2. Epist. 1. Well, be it so (may some say) that this phrase, Ie n'ay rien eu plus antique, that is, I esteemed nothing more auncient, had his originall from the great opinion which was had of antiques, whether building or pictures; but why were they had in so great account? To which (omitting Poets) I answer, that for as much as they had such exquisite and perfect workmen in old time, it seemes they were of opinion, that the nearer their successors followed them, the more they retained of their perfection. [Page] Another argument of our auncesters faithfull and plaine dealing, in doing the workes they tooke in hand more substantially then workmen are wont to do at this day, may be taken from the old and ancient manner of building, which seems to be of iron or of steele in respect of ours. I meane such buildings as were wroght with ciment. It will here (I know) be answered, that cyment is not now in vse. And I answer againe, that the small care which men haue had to worke soundly and substantially, neuer respecting how sleight and slender their buildings be, hath marred all. Howbeit if any man shall thinke this reason weake or insufficient, he may hold him to the former; which notwithstanding I durst not alledge of Poems, sith it holds not true in generall, but onely in particular. For though it may be truly said, that Homers great fame made other auncient Greeke Poets generally better thought of, by reason that this opinion possessed most mens minds, that the nearer they were vnto him in time, the perfecter they were in Poetry. Yet the same cannot be said of the Latin Poets. For it cannot be denied but that Virgil excelled all the Epickes: that Tibullus and Ouid wonne the garland from all the Elegiacks: that Horace was the chiefe of choise among the Lyricks. And (if I may be so bold as to interpose an example of the Poets of our time) would it not be iniurious (trow we) to our moderne French Poets de la pleiade, if their ancestors should be preferred before them? Verily I am of opiniō, that he that should prefer them before them, should do them as great wrong as they do sundry other Poets (their equals at least in time) in pearking before them, onely because their Muse is too maidenly, as being nothing so wanton and lasciuious as theirs, but resembling rather that of Ioachim du Bellay. But be this spoken as it were vnder Benedicite, and by way of parenthesis, and let this be the conclusion, that the reason formerly alledged, why auncient workmanship was so highly esteemed, and in such request, is not generally true of Poems and Poetry: the reasons whereof I should here set downe, but that my occasions wil not permit me to trifle away the time with such toyes; I will therefore leaue it to those that haue more spare time and idle houres then my selfe.

Now as we begun to speake of the extollers of Antiquitie by the Latin phrase, so will we begin with the contemners of it by the Greeke: for as there are certaine Latine phrases which giue testimony of the reuerent opinion men were wont to haue of Antiquitie; so are there Greeke words which shew the contempt and disgrace wherein it was. For the professors of the Greeke tongue cannot, at leastwise ought not to be ignorant, that by [...] and [...] (which in proper termes is as much as old and auncient) is meant a simple soule, or a nouice who is but newly crept (as it were) out of the shell. The reason of this their opinion is very apparent and plaine: for they called those [...] (that is ancients) which were very simple, sottish, grosse and blockish, as being perswaded that men in old time (especially in the golden Age) were but simple swaines in comparison of those that came after. Thus then we see how Antiquitie hath bene admired by some, and contemned by others, for diuers reasons, as hereafter shall be declared more at large.

But here it shall not be amisse (for the winding vp of this Chapter) to examine a few ordinary French phrases appertaining to this argument. First then when we speake of antique workes (that is, of works made after the old fashion) we do it for the most part in scorne and contempt, contrary to the Latins, as if we should say Fait lourdement, rudely done; and (as our criticall coiners of new French words speake at this day) goffement, grosly or absurdly; the common people at Paris [Page] say grosso modo. Contrarily, we honor Antiquitie much, in calling it Le bon temps, the good time. For when we say, those that were du bon temps saw not the vanities which we see; we meane the men of old time. The like honour we giue to aged persons, when we call an old man Bon homme, and an old woman Bonne femme; for a man shall heare them now and then (when they are called Bons hommes, bonnes femmes) reply and say (alluding to this second acception of the word) that they go not yet with a staffe. I obserued before, that that which the Latins call Prisca fides, we French-men call La bonne foy. To which let me adde, that the Grecians signifie the same by [...], which properly signifies a man of good behauiour, and [...], that is, ancient. For by both these words they are wont to expresse and signifie a simple soule. And the Greeke word [...] agreeth very fitly with our French phrase, Qui va à la bonne foy, or Qui va trop à la bonne foy, that is, one that is plaine Dunstable, who hath neither welt nor gard, but is as plaine as a pack-staffe, without fraud, couen or deceit. Whereof we haue examples in Coridons of the countrey, in whom we may see the simplicitie of ancient times in some sort shadowed out vnto vs. Albeit a man might find (if need were) enow such swaines euen in your chiefest cities. Witnesse the Embassadour sent to the Pope by a Germaine Prince, who taking his leaue of his Holinesse speaking vnto him in Latin, and saying, Tell our beloued sonne, &c. was in such a chafe, that he had almost giuen him the lie, telling him that his Master was no Priests sonne, meaning that he was not a bastard. He likewise was plaine simplicitie, who being sent with a letter to the Queene of Nauarre, and commaunded to kisse it before he deliuered it. Because his Lord told him in words of doubtfull construction, Carry this letter to her Highnesse, and before you present her with it,Kisse her, or, kisse it. Baisez-la; (which may be vnderstood either of the Queene or of the letter.) He was no sooner come into the presence, but he went to the Queene and kissed her (not doubting but that he had courted it brauely) and hauing so done, deliuered her the letter without further complement. We say also Aller à la bonne foy, when a man speakes any thing in simplicitie, which would be harsh or hardly taken being spoken by another: as when a gentle Gillian told king Francis the first, that when she saw him in such a sute, she thought she saw one of the nine lepreux (that is, lepers) as they are vsually painted; whereas she would haue said, One of the nine Preux, that is, worthies. To these I may adde the example of the silly Sauoyard, who taking the sentence of condemnation which passed vpon him (whereby he was adiudged to be hanged) verie vnkindly, said, Hela messiau, ie vo priou per la pareille, fade me pletou copa la teste, that is, O good sirs, I beseech you, if you will haue me requite it, let me be beheaded. For in saying, if you will haue me requite it, he meant simply. It were easie to alledge sundry other examples of like simplicitie. But we are to consider, that though a sot and a swaine be very neare of kin, euen cosingermans at the least, yet we must distinguish them, especially if we wil follow the Grecians, who call the one [...], and the other [...]. For though euery sot be a simple soule, yet euery simple fellow deserues not the name of a sot. For example, inciuilitie and rusticitie is not sottishnesse, except it be accompanied with lurden-like loutishnesse: although it come farre short of hers, who being chid by her mother because she did not thanke her affianced louer when he dranke to her; she telling her roundly of her fault, and saying, Canst thou not say the next time that he drinkes to thee, I pledge you, you great foole? Thinking surely she had learned her lesson better, forgat not the next time he dranke to her, to say, I pledge you, you great foole. He also meant not onely simply, but plaid the foole in graine, who ate the Phisitians prescript, [Page] (I meane the paper wherein it was written) because he had bidden him take it. And I doubt not but the Reader wil giue me good leaue to enrole a certaine Switzar in this register (for I hope I shall do his worship no wrong) who with great importunitie asked requitall and satisfaction for the French pockes which he had gotten in the Kings seruice. And if I durst be so bold as to speake of the Scots (who are all cosins to their King, as they say) I would here bring in a F. of this fraternitie, who hauing heard none in his awne gude cuntrey but gentlemen of the better sort speake French, wondred not a litle to heare the poore people in France beg their almes in French, and little children speake it so readily. But lest any man should say that I spare mine owne countri-men, and spend my spirits vpon others, I wil here bring the silly Limosin vpon the stage, who hauing seene a Spaniel gentle sold at Lions for foure French crownes, highed him straight home againe, for certain great mastiues which he had left behind him, casting with himself what a dog of such a bignesse would affoord, if such a little puppet were sold at so high a rate. But a man had need to put on his considering cap, if he would finde fit termes to expresse such fooleries. For we dayly heare of sundry accidents, which at the first a man wold think were sottish, whereas they are rather to be counted foolish, as being in a higher degree. For though euery foole be a sot, yet euery sot is not a foole: which I might exemplifie in the Bishop (who was not onely a sot but also a foole;) who after he had trounced his Chanons in a tedious and troublesome suite, and tossed them from post to pillar, tooke order by his will that his tombe should not lie along, but stand vpright in the Church, fearing lest after his death they should pisse on his head in way of reuenge. As foolish was he, who put out the candle that the fleas might not see him, and so might not bite him. He likewise deserued this name (what country-man soeuer he was) who burning his shins before a great fire, had not the wit to go backe, but sent for masons to remoue the chimney. Who also hauing seene some spit vpon iron to trie whether it were hot, spit in his pottage to know whether they were hot or not. The same sot being hit on the back with a stone as he rode vpon his mule, blamed the poore beast for kicking of him. It were easie to alledge sundry like examples of such silly sots (they being mo then a good many, and in such plentie that they are not daintie.) But these shall suffice to exemplifie the former distinction, which hath bene and ought to be made betweene a sot and a simple swaine: which I was enforced, to make easie passage for that which foloweth, the better to prosecute my intended discourse. Howbeit there are certaine particulars which will puzzle a man shrewdly to tell to which of these three heads (or common places) they ought to be referred, those especially which seeme equally to participate of sottishnesse and simplicitie (I alwayes take simplicitie in the sence that we vse it when we say, He meaneth simply.) Wherefore leauing it to the Readers iudgement, I will only adde this one thing, that it is held in France a greater indignitie to be called sot then foole, notwithstanding my former discourse. The reason is, because that when we call a man a sot, we do it for the most part in earnest: whereas when we call him foole, we do it ironically and in iest; and therefore it is not taken in so ill part.

And now that I am speaking of the French phrase, let me adde one thing further, which I shall desire the Reader to consider, viz. that (if my memory faile me not) we cannot call a man foole in French, but by the word fol; whereas we haue sundry synonimes for a sot. For Niais (in old French Nice) that is a nouice; Fat, that is, a foole; Badaut (called in sundry places Badlori) a cockneigh; Nigaud, a noddie; Badin, a boobie; and such like, are all sworne brethren (at least cosingermans) [Page] to a sot. We also vse proper names in the same sence, as when we say C'est vn Benest, He is a simple cockscomb (for in this phrase it is pronounced Benest, and not as it is cōmonly Benoist.) Ioannes is vsed somwhat otherwise; for when we say, C'est vn Ioannes, it is as much as if we should say, He is a Pedant, or a quaint Quanquā for Epistles. And when we say, Vn bon Iannin (the vulgar sort saith Genin) we vnderstand a wittald, who takes it patiently when his wife makes him a horned beast. We further vse the word Gruë, that is, Crane, to signifie a sot: for C'est vn gruë, is as much as Ce'st vn sot, C'est vn niais; He is a simple sot, or a noddie. True it is, that a merry companion being sued for an action of trespas, and brought into the Court for calling one Bel oiseau, that is, faire bird, and then telling a tale of a Crane, was not so mad as to expound his meaning▪ but left it to the discretion of the Iudges. For the plaintife accusing him for calling [...] Bel oiseau, said that he had called him cuckold by craft, in calling him gosling. My Lords (quoth the defendant) I confesse indeed I called him Bel oiseau, that is, faire bird, but I denie that I meant a gosling, neither is it probable I should so meane, seeing there are (as himselfe confesseth) many birds fairer then a Gosling, were it but a Crane. Whereupon the Iudges (hearing him fetch ouer his aduersary so finely, and nettle him worse then before, the simple noddie neuer perceiuing it) brake forth into such a fit of laughter, that they were glad to rise from the bench, not knowing whether of them had won the day. And thus much of a Sot. If any shal here obiect, that we cal a man foole in French, and yet neuer vse the word, and therfore that fol hath his fellow, as wel as sot his synonime; I answer that it followes not; for my meaning was not that it could not be expressed by a periphrasis or circūlocution, but that it could not be expressed in one word; for I grant indeed, that whē we wold delay the harshnes of this phrase, Il tient du fol, He is but a foole, we say, Il a le cerueau gaillard, He is light headed, or, Il a le cerueau vn peu gaillard, He is somewhat giddie headed: whereas others say, Il n'a pas le cerueaubien fait, He is somewhat brainsick; or Il n'a pas la teste bien faite, He hath a crackt cranny; or, Il y a de la Lune, He is lunatik; or, Il y a de l'heumeur, he is humorous. The word Innocent, as when we say, C'est vn poure innocent, He is a poore innocent, importeth not so much: and Transporté, incensé, bestraught of his wits, mad, and such like, imply more, as comming nearer to the signification of fury. Now the reason hereof, viz. why we should haue such varietie of words to expresse a sot, and but one (if we speake properly) to expresse a foole, I leaue to be discussed by others, (except this perhaps be the reason, that there are mo sots then fools:) & wil here adde one thing more touching those phrases of which we spake in the first place, viz. that (if I haue rightly obserued) we vse the word Moutō, that is sheepe, tropically, not so much to signifie a sot, as a simple [...]oule, who suffers himself to be led by the nose, as we say. Which is common to vs with the Grecians, as with Lucian among the rest, saue that he vseth the word drawing & not leading. He hath also another prouerb to the same effect, the meaning wherof is, as if one shold say, He follows him as a sheep doth a greene bough: which may serue to confirme the vse of this metaphor in our tong. Howbeit we haue no need of Lucians authoritie in this case, seeing Aeschylus (one of the ancientest Greek Poets) vseth it in the same sence.

But to omit the phrases formerly spoken of (which are so many pregnant proofs of the contempt of Antiquitie) we will in the sequell of this discourse alledge others when we come to speake of those Poets who (contrary to the current and common receiued opinion) thought it a farre happier thing for them that they liued in their owne age, then if they had liued in any other. And verily my purpose was here to haue spoken of them at large, and to haue added them as a supplement [Page] to this Chapter, but that I perceiue I haue already passed my bounds. Howbeit I haue an excuse at hand, viz. that he which hath any dealing with fooles can neuer haue done.

CHAP. IIII. How and wherefore certaine Poets so earnestly desired the golden Age.

WHen Poets (whose writings serue vs in stead of mirrours, wherein we may behold mens turbulent passions) compared the fashions and customs of their owne age with those of the golden Age, they could not but wish that it had bin their hap they had bin borne and liued in those dayes. We haue an example hereof in Tibullus, who hauing recounted the happinesse of those times (which, to omit other particulars, were not harried nor rent in sunder with warres and garboiles▪) breakes out into this patheticall wish:

Tunc mihi vita foret, vulgi nec tristia nossem

Arma, nec audissem, corde micante, tubam.

That is,

Liu'd I againe, I neuer more would weare

No deadly armes, nor neuer more would heare

The trumpets warlike sound.

Neither are we to wonder at this his wish, seeing that Hesiod (who liued many hundred yeares before) sigheth and saith:

[...]

[...].

That is,

Would I mought liue in this leud Age no more,

But or had since bene borne, or dide before.

But he greatly deceiued himselfe (good man) in thinking he should not haue bin so vnfortunate if he had liued in the Age following. For this is no new saying, which is commonly spoken by way of aequiuocation, Le monde va tousiours à l'empire: The world growes dayly worse and worse: witnesse Aratus another Greeke Poet, who in the Poeme out of which Saint Paul tooke an hemestichion, hath these words:

[...]

[...].

That is,

Our golden Sires left as their last bequest,

An age some deale impaired from the best:

And you shall framen for your future heires,

A worse then theirs.

In imitation whereof Horace saith,

Aetas parentum peior auis, tulit

Nos nequiores, mox daturos

Progeniem vitiosiorem.

[Page] That is,

Our parents age, worse then our auncestors,

Hath borne vs worse then they, and we shall breed

A farre more vicious seed.

But how commeth it to passe (may some say) that our parents should be more vicious then their fathers and grandfathers, and they likewise then their forefathers, and that we (in like sort) should exceed not onely them, but all our ancestors, and our children vs? The reason hereof (me thinkes) is euident. For as he which is sole heire to many rich men, hauing besides the inheritance left him by his father, much more wealth accrewing vnto him otherwayes, must needes be richer then they whose heire he is: In like maner, it cānot be, but that they who are left heires de Asse of all their auncestors vices, and by their good husbandry improue the old, and daily purchase new, should in the end be more vicious then they whose heires and successors they are. Seeing then it is plaine and apparent by vndoubted stories, that euen those sinnes among the rest, against which God hath thundred out such fearfull curses in his law, haue bene so rife in the world since the golden Age, and euer since running vpon the score; can we wonder to see them now innumerable? When I say from the first age, I speake according to the Scripture, which confineth mans happie estate in farre lesse compasse then prophane writers are wont to do, namely, during that short time that our first parents continued in the estate of Innocencie. And some among them confine it in farre shorter bounds and limits then others; as Iuuenal by name, when he saith,

Antiquum & vetus est alienum Posthume lectuns

Concutere, atque sacri genium contemnere fulcri.

Omne aliud crimen mox ferrea protulit aetas,

Viderunt primos argentea saecula moechos.

That is,

Of ancient standing is that pleasing sinne,

By wanton stealth of warming others bed:

Each other crime the iron Age did gin,

The siluer world it selfe some letch [...]s bred.

But who would euer beleeue that Adultery should haue bene so common in the siluer Age, and other vices not once knowne nor heard of til the iron Age? Verily though the Scripture were silent in this particular, and did not affirme the contrary in the story of Cains murther, yet I see not how any man should giue entertainment to this conceit. His meaning therfore (I take it) was to shew, that whoredom and adultery were the vices whereunto men in all Ages were most addicted. And how should the heathen and prophane Pagans make conscience of such sins, when as Christians (euē those that are otherwise vnspotted of the world) account them but workes of nature, and trickes of youth.

Howsoeuer the case stand, certaine it is, that the first Age was not wished for without cause. For whatsoeuer corruption was in those dayes, it was but small (in all probabilitie) in comparison of that of later times, which like bad weed hath euer growne with speede. True it is, that as we (considering the corruption of these times, and the wickednesse of mans nature) can hardly beleeue it should be greater: so did our auncestors iudge of the corruptions of their owne. Iuuenal speaking of his own Age, saith that it did so degenerate, and was so debased from the purity of the golden Age, that it deserued no longer to be called by the name of any mettal; thereby signifying that he should grace it much that should call it the iron Age, [Page] considering it did so farre outstrip it in all excesse of riot. And Ouid speaking of the vnconscionable couetousnesse of the men of his time, saith, he could not imagine how it should be greater. But if Ouid were deceiued, in thinking that the wickednesse of his time was then in the ruffe, much more was Hesiod, who liued so many Ages before. But sinne and impietie did then so abound, and like a great deluge did so master the banks and ouerflow all, that he thought it a thousand times better to haue liued either before or after the first Age, perswading himselfe that it was so vnlikely there should come a worse, that he thought it not possible that any should match it. And therefore as we may not thinke that the golden Age was without all corruption (albeit Poets extoll it to the skies, and sing forth a thousand praises in commendation thereof:) so neither are we to doubt but that the Ages ensuing retained some seeds and sparkes (as it were) of the first, notwithstanding the clamorous complaints they make against [...]. For that which Iuuenal saith in commendation of the golden Age, viz. that they accounted it a capitall crime if a yong man (were he neuer so rich) had not risen from his seate, and done reuerence to an old man, though neuer so poore, was practised long after by the Lacedaemonians, who punished such an offence, either with death, or with some grieuous punishment. And what great reuerence the auncient Romaines bare to old age, we may reade in Valerius Maximus.

CHAP. V. How that whatsoeuer Poets haue written of the wickednesse of their times, might haue bene affirmed of the Age last past.

ALbeit it be a vsuall thing with Poets, so to amplifie the matter they intreate of, as that they make mountaines of mole-hils, and therefore their testimony may well be suspected, notwithstanding I dare be bold to say, that they haue written nothing of the leudnesse of their times which can iustly be challenged, especially if we compare it with the practise at this day. And surely if Poets ought not to be suspected, much lesse Historiographers, who take not so great libertie to themselues, notwithstanding they make relation of such detestable facts as seeme past all beliefe: Thucydides by name, who discoursed at large of the plague which swept away an infinite number of people at Athens; in whom we find the raging and furious lusts of some (miscreants rather then men) to haue bene such and so great, that they tooke occasion by that so terrible a scourge, to practise their villanies. If there be any that cannot subscribe to this his report, let him but inquire what was done in the yeare 1564. the plague being at Lions (a Christian citie, not heathenish as Athens was) especially by the souldiers of the citadell, and he will no doubt, not onely beleeue them to be most true, but will further iudge them excusable and tollerable in comparison. To be short, to what outrage (may we thinke) would not they let loose the reines of their head-strong affections, who made it an ordinary thing [...] defloure maids, and to force matrons euen then when they were infected with the noysome and contagious disease of the plague and pestilence, and now ready to giue vp the ghost? What language is there vnder the cope of heauen (I except not the Greeke it selfe, the most flowing and copious of all that are or haue bene) that can affoord vs a word sufficiently emphaticall to expresse so brutish, so [Page] desperate and furious a fact. Questionlesse if the Turkes had heard of such villanie they would haue abhorred it as hell it selfe: and not so onely, but would haue doubled and trebled the hatred they beare vs for our religion.

But it shall not be impertinent before we proceed to a further and more ample discourse of the guise and fashion of this Age, to enquire how euenly our auncestors (which liued some three or fourescore yeares ago) caried themselues (where I confine this word Age within somewhat straighter bounds then others commonly do) considering the world waxeth daily worse and worse. [...]o whom then may we haue recourse to make inquiry hereof? Verily to the Preachers which liued in those dayes, and amongst others, for France, to Frier Oliuer Maillard, and Frier Michael Menot: for Italy, to Frier Michael Barelete (aliâs de Bareleta:) who though they haue infinitely corrupted Christian Religion with their doting dreames and foolish fancies, and with sundry wicked speeches, proceeding partly from blockish ignorance, partly from meere malice; notwithstanding they quit themselues like valiant champions, in encountring the vices which raigned in those times, as shall appeare in the sequell of this discourse. I will then (as occasion shall be offered) begin each seuerall argument with Oliuer Maillard (as being Menots auncient) and after I will come to Barelete, one of another country. And first (because it suteth so well with that which hath bene said) I will shew how all of them in generall, and euery of them in particular, find the wickednesse of their times so intollerable and superlatiue, that they iudge it infinitely to surpasse the leudnesse of all former Ages. Marke then the words of Oliuer Maillard, fol. 96. col. 3. Audeo tamen asserere quòd multi sunt peiores in quarto anno nunc, quàm aliâs in septimo: & nunc in septimo, quàm aliâs in aetate perfecta. And a little before, viz. fol. 81. col. 2. Et quum nunquam fuerint maiores luxuriae, iniustitiae & rapinae, quā nunc, ideo, &c. Likewise fol. 217. O Deus meus, credo quòd ab incarnatione Domini nostri Iesu Christi, non regnauerunt tot luxuriosi in toto mundo, sicut nunc Parhisius. Menot (who liued certaine yeares after) saith as much in these words: Legatis historias, & non inuenietis quòd mundus fuerit ita deprauatus, sicut nunc est. To which (besides the former sentences already alledged out of Maillard, iumping with it in sence and meaning) hee hath one which sutes it both in sence and words. In another place he twits his auditors not so much for their non-proficiencie in that they did not amend, as for their deficiency, in that they waxed daily worse and worse. Let vs now come to Barelete. Nunquam (saith he fol. 261. col. 1.) mundus fuit tam malus vt nunc, neque tam separatus à Dei amore & proximi, vt nunc est. Thus we see how all three (though liuing in seuerall countries) iumpe and accord in one, in taking vp the same complaint against the wickednesse of their times, as farre surpassing all the outrages and enormities of former ages. Let vs in the next place consider how they vpbraide Christians with the same vice, affirming that Turkes and other Infidels leade not so loose a life by many degrees. Maillard hauing reported how at Tours in the raigne of King Lewis the eight, the Iewes reproued Christians for saying that Christ died for them, and yet blasphemed and cursed him, hath these words: Audeo dicere quòd plures insolentiae fiunt in Ecclesia Christianorum quàm Iudaeorum. And fol. 147. col. 2. he saith he had conuersed with [...] Moores, and found them farre honester men then the Christians then living in France. Frier Michael Menot saith no lesse: Sunt Iudaei in Auinione, & sunt Pagani in patria sua: sed firmiter credo, quòd secluso lumine fidei perfectiùs, moralius (que) viuunt quàm hodie plures Christiani, nec tantae miseriae fiunt inter eos sicut inter nos. Nescio de quo vobis seruiat nomen Christianitatis, & fides Christi, quam recepistis in Baptismo. [Page] Let vs now heare what Barelete telleth his Italians, fol. 24. col. 1. Non est plus erubescentia tenere publicè concubinas, accipere sacramenta falsa, & omnia illicita perpetrare: A Saracenis, ab Agarenis, ab Arabis, ab Idumaeis, à Mahometanis, à Barbaris, à Iudaeis, ab infidelibus, ô false Christiane haec accepisti.

CHAP. VI. How the former Age hath bene reproued by the aforesaid Preachers for all sorts of vices.

LEt vs now consider how the aforesaid Preachers declaiming thus in generall against the wickednesse of their times, do in particular also reproue and censure men for all sorts of vices. And that I may proceed in order, I will begin with that which (as Iuuenal would make vs beleeue) is of all other vices the most ancient, and so much the more ancient, by how much the siluer Age is more ancient then the iron Age. What is this vice, may some say? Surely whoredome, otherwise called carnalitie, sensuality or lechery. (For that which Iuuenal saith of adultery, ought rather to be vnderstood of simple fornication.) But for breuitie sake I will alledge their owne words (where they reproue whoredome in generall, calling it Luxuriam;) yet so, as I wil not make a medley or mixture of Church-mens lubricitie with lay-mens lechery, which method I wil also obserue in discoursing of their other vertues, lest it should be said that I did confound the spiritualtie with the temporaltie, or that I did miscêre sacra profanis, mixe sacred things with prophane, (as it is in the Latine prouerbe.) I am therfore to intreate our holy mother the Church to haue patience a while, till I haue got our three good Latinists dispatch the temporaltitie: and then I will do her this honour, to place her apart by her selfe.

Let vs then heare Oliuer Maillard, who (to omit other particulars concerning this sweete sinne) is much offended with gentle-women for making their husbands weare the hornes. fol. 81. col. 2. Et vos domicellae quae habetis tunicas apertas, numquid mariti vestri sunt cornuti, & ducúnt vos ad banqueta? And thereupon saith, that the King of England consulting on a time with his Councel, whether he should wage warre against the French or not, it was concluded he should, because the English were appointed by God, to be as it were his scourge, wherewith he would punish the sinnes of the French. Whereupon he addeth, Et cum nunquam fuerint maiores luxuriae, iniustitiae, & rapinae, quàm nunc: ideo decretum fuit vt venirent. We haue alreadie heard how he saith in his braue Latine: O good God, I am fully perswaded that there was neuer such riot in the world since the incarnation of Christ, as there is now at Paris. Further, he complaineth (fol. 136. col. 4.) of the Parisians, which let their houses to panders, whores, and bawds. And that whereas good King S. Lewis caused a brothel-house to be built without the citie, there were then stewes in euery corner. And in the page following directing his speech to Lawyers, Ego non habeo nisi linguam: ego facio appellationem, nisi deposueritis ribaldas & meretrices à locis secretis; habetis lupanar ferè in omnibus locis ciuitatis. Likewise fol. 84. col. 4. where are the statutes of holy King Lewis? He commaunded that stewes should be remoued farre from Colledges: but now the first place that scholers runne vnto when they step out of a Colledge, is a bawdy house. Againe, the foresaid King Lewis would haue swept all whores cleane out of [...]his Realme, [Page] [...] (to auoid a greater inconuenience) he was counselled to let them make their abode in the suburbes, or in some remote place without the citie. And he sheweth elsewhere, that himselfe was iumpe of the same opinion. So that he, who as a preacher of the word ought to haue reformed others, had need himselfe to be reformed, as hereafter shall be declared more at large. But to proceed on in my discourse, this iolly preacher complaineth, that bawdes made their bargaines with strumpets in the very Church, and therupon he calleth them sacrilegious persons. Moreouer, he maruelleth (which is a ridiculous conceit, albeit he spake it in great simplicitie) that the Saints there interred did not rise againe and plucke out their eyes. Neither doth he spare those mothers that are bawds to their owne daughters: as fol. 24. Súntne hic matres illae maquerellae siliarum suarū, quae dederunt eas hominibus de curia, ad lucrandum matrimoniū suum? And fol. 35. col. 4. after he hath said, Where are you my masters, ye Iustices of Peace and Quorum? Why do you not punish the whore-mongers, bawds, and ruffians of this citie? and shewed how they let such theeues as these go Scot-free, whereas they seuerely punished common felons: he commeth to speake of bawdie bargaining, (a fact farre more detestable then the former) viz. how they made their daughters get their dowries with the sweate of their bodies: & faciunt eis (saith he) lucrari matrimonium suum ad poenam & sudorem corporis sui. And fol. 125. col. 2. Were it so hard a matter (think you) to find some in this towne who in their yonger yeares were arrant whores, and now being old crones are become common bawds? I charge you with it you Magistrates, for leauing such persons vnpunished. If a man steale but twelue pence, he shall surely be punished for the first offence: and if he steale the second time, he shall leaue his eares on the pillorie, or otherwise be punished with the losse of limbe (for he saith, esset mutilatus in corpore:) if the third time, he shall regaine the losse of his eares by stretching of his necke. Now tell me ye Iustices of Oyer & Terminer, whether it be worse to steale a hundred crownes, or to sell a maides virginitie?

But let vs heare what Menot saith (fol. 15. col. 3. of the second impression, which I follow) Nunc aetas iuuenum ita dedita est luxuriae, quòd non est nec pratū, nec vinea, nec domus, quae non sordibus corum inficiatur. Likewise fol. 148. col. 1. Nunc aqua luxuriae transit per monasteria, & habetis vsque ad os, loquendo de ea. And a little after: In suburbijs, & per totam villam non videtur alia mercatura, other ware. In cameris exercentur luxuriae, in senibus, iuuenibus, viduis, vxoratis, filiabus, ancillis, in tabernis, & consequenter in omni statu. True it is indeed, he is somewhat troubled in assoyling a question which he propoundeth in the behalfe of yong maried men, who by reason of their affaires and businesse abroad, are often enforced to go from home. Fol. 139. col. 4. Cognoscitis quòd non possumus, &c. You know we cannot alwayes haue our wiues tied at our girdles, nor carry them in our pockets: in the meane time our yong gallants cannot liue without borrowing of their neighbours. Let a man come into Tauernes, Innes, hot-houses, and such like places, and he shall find wenches for the purpose, common as the high way, that will serue his turne for a small price. I demaund whether it be not lawfull for a man to vse them as his wife? Lo here a question which he propoundeth in the person of certaine good fellowes: whence we may gather, what small conscience they made of such things in those dayes. For whereas he should haue sharply censured the mouers of such questions, and haue cut them off in a word, he answereth as one who thought it a very serious matter, which required deepe and mature deliberation before he gaue his final resolution. Notwithstanding he shifteth his fingers very finely of all, [Page] without disparaging his reputation. Moreouer he crieth out (as well as Frier Maillard) against bawdie bargaining, wicked wenching, and villanous plotting vsed in Churches. Fol. 94. col. 2. Si sit quaestio facere & tractare mercatum de aliqua filia rapienda, aut alio malo faciendo, oportet quarere mag [...]as Ecclesias, &c. And he sheweth elsewhere, how the Church was made the rende-vous for all their merry-mad-meetings. Yet one thing there is which maketh him shed teares, viz. that mothers sell their daughters to bawds. Fol. 97. col. 4. Et quod plus est (quod & flens dico) numquid non sunt quae proprias filias venundant lenonibus?

Barelete likewise complaineth hereof: fol. 28. col. 1. Non est amplius verecundia publicè tenere concubinas: sinitur vxor, & nutritur putana cum manicis rubeis. And in sundry other places he takes vp the same complaint, especially against whoredome committed by Nunnes (whereof I find nothing in Maillard or Menot) as fol. 42. col. 1. Ad moniales conuentuales, quae habent filios spurios.

But to proceed to other villanies, as incests, sodomies, and the like sins against nature: I do not remember that I haue read much of them in Menot; howbeit Maillard saith in generall, fol. 278. col. 3. Taceo de adulterijs, stupris, & incestibus, & peccatis contra naturam. And fol. 300. col. 1. Si credant fures, falsarij, fallaces, adulteri, & incestuosi, &c. And he inueigheth in particular against Sodomie, fol. 262. col. 2. Howbeit he speaketh not of it as of a thing whereof men made a trade and occupation, but onely (hauing shewed what the Scripture saith of such villanie) addeth that many Christians are so blinded and besotted therewith, that they are not ashamed to defend it. But Barelete (hauing to deale with Italians) crieth out often against it, as fol. 58. col. 2. O quot sodomitae, ô quot ribaldi! And fol. 72. col. 1. he addeth another mischiefe which followeth in the necke of the former: Hoc impedimento impedit Diabolus linguam sodomitae, qui cum pueris rem turpem agit. O naturae destructor. Impeditur ille qui cum vxore non agit per rectam lineam. Impeditur qui [...]um bestijs rem turpem agit. O bestiâ deterior. Likewise fol. 24. col. 1. he ioyneth Sodomias with Cardinalitates, vnder which word lyeth hid (no doubt) some great mysterie: but I leaue it to some Delius or Oedipus: his words are these: Quis te conducit ad inhonestates, & ad libidines, & cardinalitates, & ad sodomias? Howsoeuer it be taken, certaine it is, his meaning was to expresse some great cardinall vertue by cardinalitates, in placing it betwixt whoredome and sodomie.

Thefts also are sharply censured by these three preachers, as also rapine and extorsion. Howbeit they insist longer (and not without cause) vpon such thefts as are not accounted thefts, but go scotfree and vnpunished, then vpon others; and chiefly vpon vsury. First then Maillard hauing alledged this distinctiō out of Thomas of Aquin betweene theft and rapine; that rapine is when he that is spoyled of his goods doth not know it; yet afterwards he sheweth another acception of the word, saying that rapine is committed openly, and theft (which he calleth furtum) secretly. He accounteth then that to be rapine or robbery, when a man hauing power and authoritie in his hands, doth depriue another (who is not able to withstand him) of his goods, as when a Prince or a gentleman taketh his subiects or tenants goods by force and violence. Further he saith, that the maner of stealing vsed by souldiers, is robbery. That is also called robbery (saith he) which ought rather to be called concussion, as when the master withholdeth his mans wages, the mistris her maids, &c. Of all which thefts he speaketh as one that wanted not store of examples. But let vs proceed to greater polling, stealth and rapine, and first, that which is practised by vsurers. Besides grosse and palpable vsury (saith he) there is cloaked vsury, whereof he brings these examples. This cloaked vsury is when one [Page] standing in need of mony, commeth to a treasurer (to whom he is directed) to receiue a thousand crownes; the Treasurer tels him, he cannot haue it till after a fortnight, at which time he is to receiue a certaine summe of mony. The poore man answers, that he stands in great need of it, and cannot stay. Well then (saith the Treasurer) sith it must needs be so, you shall haue the one halfe of it in mony, and the other halfe in wares: and so deliuereth him wares for two hundred crownes which are scarce worth an hundred. He further alledgeth this example. An vsurer lendeth a merchant-venturer an hundred pounds, vpon condition that if the merchandize prosper and come to good, besides the principall he shall giue him halfe of his gaine; if not, he shall restore the principall againe. Whereupon he addeth, Et sic quotiens ponitur capitale in lucro, & lucrum sub dubio, ibi est [...] palliata. He further alledgeth another example which I here omit, and come to treasurers, at whom he girdeth in sundry places, as fol. 83. col. 4. As for you Clarkes of the Exchequer, and you Treasurers, do not Captaines giue you ten crownes to hasten their pay? This I tell you is vsury. You say, your office is little worth of it selfe, but that your vailes, practise, and dealing is good. The diuell take such dealing: Ad omnes diabolos tales practicae. You say moreouer your offices cost you much, and therfore you must helpe your selues one way or another, and fill your bagges againe. All this is not worth a blew button; nay all such dealing (I can tell you) is very dangerous. And ye gentle-women, do ye not weare rich furres and girdles of gold by this meanes? You must either make restitution for this geare, or be damned to the diuell, chuse you whether. Againe, fol. 87. col. 3. speaking of filthy lucre, This (saith he) concerneth receiuers and treasurers wiues, &c. For when a man is to receiue a summe of mony, before he can get a farthing from them, he must present their wiues with some faire ring, girdle, or gowne. And fol. 83. col. 4. he twits Church-men for giuing their tythe corne vpon vsury: and he vpbraideth common bankers with their lending of ten crownes vpon a peece of land, that in the meane time they may haue the possession of it: and merchants also, who lending their merchandize in stead of mony, value them at twice so much as they be worth; which he formerly layd in the Treasurers dish, as we haue heard.

Menot in like sort crieth out as well against close and cloaked vsury (to vse his owne words) as open and manifest: when he saith, Hodie sunt publicae vsura, non coopertae vel palliatae, sed omnino manifestae, ita vt videamur esse sine lege. And in another place, Poore men are pilled and polled with greater vsuries at this day then euer were practised by the Lombards or Iewes, for which notwithstanding they were banished France. Fol. 100. col. 3. Fuerunt aliâs Longobardi & Iudaei expulsi à regno Franciae, quòd totam terram inficiebant vsuris: sed nunc permittuntur crassiores Diaboli vsurarij quàm vnquam fuerint Longobardi siue Iudaei. (Sutable whereunto we may obserue how Maillard saith, Vos dicitis quòd illi qui tenent banquos ad vsuram sunt de Lombardia.) He addeth, Et adhuc quod fortiùs & vehementiùs ladit cor meum, sunt illi qui dicūtur sapientiores. So that his opinion concerning vsurers is this, that if diuels should come downe from heauen by thousands vpon the earth, they would not so endammage and spoile poore people as one great diuellish vsurer doth in one onely parish. Fol. 17. col. 3. Credite mihi, si mille Diaboli descenderent de aëre in terram ad perdendum bona pauperum, non tot mala facerent quanta vnus grossus diabolus vsurarius in vna parochia. Et tales sunt fugiendi sicut Diaboli. Further, in discoursing and laying open their wickednesse to the world, fol. 196. col. 1. he saith, that if these wicked wretches chance to reade a prognostication which foretelleth a dearth of corne or wine, they buy vp all that comes to the market, or [Page] can be got for mony; and hauing boorded it vp, will not part with it, no not for the reliefe of the poore people, except they pay double the price. By which cruell and tyrannicall dealing, they being so pinched with pouerty, euen yell for hunger, and die without mercie. And fol. 110. col. 4. These grosse diuellish vsurers haue so gnawed the poore people during the dearth, that they haue nothing left whereon to liue, except they should flea themselues and sell their skinnes. Where note the phrase which he vseth, alluding to the place which he had before alledged, Pelli mea consumptis carnibus adhaesit os meum. Thereby shewing that the poorer sort haue iust cause to take vp this complaint. Likewise fol. 8. col. 2. & 3. O vos miseri vsurarij, per vestras vsuras destruitis pauperes, & ponitis eos nudos in magna miseria: homines sine misericordia & ratione. Vos habetis hoc anno vestrum Paradisum, quòd videtis hoc anno esse magnam indigentiam bladi; ideo vestrum pauperibus venditis in duplo plusquam emistis. Vestra horrea plena sunt, & populus fame oruciatur. And fol. 23. col. 3. Sic faciunt isti grossi vsurarij, qui volunt decipere pauperem, dando ei bladum, vt tandem possint habere suam haereditatem. But he discourseth of this more largely elsewhere, shewing how in a cheape yeare they would say to the poore farmers that brought them their rent corne, Sell it, sell it, and keepe the mony to your selues, for we need it not yet: and so would watch these poore soules (as it were) by the way, and in the end would call for all the arrerages when it was deare; so that they being not able to pay their rent, were constrained to leaue them their lands, and to giue them for full paiment in stead of corne. For these gallants (as we may gather by the writings of this Preacher) put their confidence in that which many now a dayes rely vpon, viz. the founding of some Church, Chappell, or some religious house, or otherwise vpon the vertue of their almes, in being beneficiall to the Church at their death. Fol. 5. col. 1. Vos vsurarij putatis e [...]adere, dicentes, Ego committam vsuras, sed hoc est cum intentione fundandi vnam capellam. Barelete likewise doth now and then lay loade vpon these vsurers, especially in the former particular mentioned by Menot, viz; that Iewes were banished out of France by reason of their vsuries: and yet more villanous vsurers were to be found among Christians then euer were among them. Men now adayes (saith he) are nothing ashamed to put out their mony to vsury, no not to haue dealing and traffick with the Iewes. Moreouer he maketh a sermon of purpose De vsuris & restitutione rei alien [...], alledging sundry reasons why vsury should not be tolerated: where (to omit other particulars) he cries out in this sort: O what a number are there, who in few yeares of very poore, are growne exceeding rich per fas & nefas? Such a poore man hath bought a cheese, which he neuer tasted of; another hath bought cloth, wherewith he was neuer clothed. O ye vsurers wiues, if your gownes were put in a presse, the bloud of the poore would drop from them. And fol. 63. col. 4. he telleth vs of certaine vsurers, who for ten measures which they lend, cause sixteene or a greater number to be set downe in the bill. And herupon he shews what punishment was inflicted vpon an vsurer at Creme in his time, who lending ten bushels of corne, caused fifteene to be set downe in his book, viz. that the notary was punished with the losse of his hand, and the vsurer with the losse of all his goods. And they could not chuse (I suppose) but he euen hoarse againe with exclaiming against the thefts and polling practises of our lawlesse Lawyers, as Proctors, Aduocates, Iudges and such like. Of Aduocates Maillard saith, that they take à dextris & à sinistri [...]: and he relateth a very pleasant story of a suite canuassed betweene two Lawyers in a certain citie of France, in the raigne of king Lewis the twelfth. A rich husband man (saith he) intreated one of these good fellowes to be of his counsell, and to follow [Page] a sute which he had in the court; which thing he vndertook. About 2. houres after came the aduerse partie (who was a very rich man) and intreated him in like manner to pleade his cause against a certaine husbandman: which he also took in hand. The day being come wherein the cause should be heard, the husbandman came to put his Proctor in mind of his sute; who answered him, My friend when you came to me the other day, I gaue you no answer, because I was otherwise employed: and now I giue you to vnderstand that I cannot deale for you, hauing vndertaken your aduersaries cause; notwithstanding I will direct you by my letter to an honest man. Wherupon he wrote to another Lawyer as followeth: Two fat capons are fallen into my hands; hauing chosen the fatter, I send you the other; I will plucke the one, plucke you the other. And fol. 75. col. 1. Ye Counsellers, do ye not alledge the lawes to ouerthrow right iudgement? Do ye not corrupt and falsifie depositions as much as lieth in you? Do ye not frame appeales against God and your conscience to ouerthrow the aduerse part? Do ye not require the Iudge to giue sentence against equitie? Do ye not take money on both hands? And a little after: As for you Gentle-women (Counsellers wiues) do ye not weare girdles of gold and siluer, chaines and ribbands with beades of gold and of Ieat, which ye haue got by the cosining conueyance of these diuels your husbands? It had bene better for you to haue maried clownes. And fol. 185. col. 3. Ye wiues of such Counsellers, Atturneys, and Masters of requests, it were better for you to be hangmens wiues. Again, fol. 42. col. 3. O Domini de Parlamento qui datis sententiam per Antiphrasin, meliùs esset vos esse mortuos in vteris matrum vestrarum. And fol. 59. col. 1. he layeth open another notable peece of knauery. Ye Proctors (saith he) do ye not go to men in prison, and vse such or the like speeches: My friend you haue a house and two akers of vines; if you will giue them to such a Iudge, you shall be set free. Menot likewise discourseth at large in sundry places of thefts committed by Proctors and Counsellers, those especially that sell to the rich the poore mans right; I meane, which draw from the poore what possibly they can, and in the meane time betray them to their aduersaries, which come off roundly in paying their fees, and fill their purses better. When (saith he fol. 95. col. 3.) a cause hath hung in suspence foure or fiue yeares, an Atturney wil come to a rich man (who hath a poore man in sute, and hath the better end of the staffe) and will say vnto him; Sir, you must agree with your aduersary, for in the end you will be cast. After that, he will say to the poore man, My friend, you ouerthrow your selfe, it is not for you to go to law with such a great man; it is your best course to agree with him, and giue him the land for a hundred crownes, otherwise he wil begger you, and strip you of all. Whereupon he (poore soule) fearing the worst, is glad to giue the land for a hundred crownes, which is worth a thousand. And fol. 204. col. 1. heare what counsell an Atturney giues a silly fellow, O amice, oportet quòd tu accordes cum isto, quia aliter nunquam habebis pacem: nam tu vides that he is not worth a groate, and that he hath a shrewd head, and is like to trouble thee much. Dicam tibi tu non perdes totum; tu dicis, quòd ipse debet tibi centum scuta; habebis decē, & eris contentus, si placet. Tunc dicet ille bonus homo, O quomodo possem facere istud? Nescirem: quia ego perdam rem meam nimis miserabiliter: ego non possem facere. ‘O (dicet ille) my friend melius est quòd tu hoc habeas quàm tu perdas totum: quia dicitur communiter: When a man hath lost his cow, and can but recouer her taile, it will serue to make a handle for a doore.’ Neither may we wonder at the matter, considering the report which goes of the Court of Parliament which was in those daies. For he saith that the Parliament was wont to be the fairest flower in France: [Page] but since that time it hath bene died in the bloud of the poore, who run weeping and wailing after them. And lest any should thinke that I adde any one sillable of mine owne, these are his words: fol. 104. col. 1. Dico quòd est pulchrior rosa quae sit in Franciâ quàm Parlamentum: id est, quod habet videre & super Ecclesiam, & super brachium saeculare. Sed ista rosa versa est in sanguinem: sic quòd est omninò tincta sanguine pauperum clamantium & plorantium hodie post eos. Non mentior. Afterwards he saith, A poore man may be in Paris ten yeares following his suite, and yet still hang in the briers, and get nothing but his labour for his paines: whereas they might haue dispatched him in a weeke. And a little before he inueyeth against all Lawyers in generall, for that they make a number of poore people to trot after their mules tailes, not once vouchsafing them audience, though it concerne their vtter vndoing: whereby it commeth to passe, that these silly soules dying in the meane while in following their suites, leaue their children beggers, and their daughters in stead of being well married are constrained to become Catholickes. Likewise fol. 17. col. 2. we see rich men who hauing spent sixe or seuen yeares in following their suites, and their goods also, yet could not wind themselues out of this endlesse and inextricable labyrinth, but haue bene constrained in the end to go naked with a white sticke in their hand (for those are his words, Et exierunt omninò nudi cum baculo albo in manu.) Or hauing lost their cause, haue bene sentenced by the Court to pay the whole charges of the suite, and so in a manner forced to flie the countrey. And fol. 90. col. 1. Sic hodie vos Procuratores, Iudicet, & Aduocati, facitis currere pauperes cum processibus vestris post caudas mularum vestrarum; manutenetis eos in his diabolicis processibus, vt semper possitis arripere pecunias, finger some money. And straight after, he mentioneth certaine suites that had hung f [...]ll twentie or thirtie yeares; so that two or three wranglers hauing spent both their liues and liuings in following the law, and leauing their heires nothing wherewith to follow it any longer, haue hung them vp at a hooke or a naile. And fol. 114. col. 4. Domini de iustitia, qui tenetis homines at a bay, clamantes, Sunt tres menses, vel tres anni, quibus habetis sententiam iam in capite vestro, quam potestis vno die ferre: sed semper ad augendum lucrum vestrum, facitis eos siccare post vos, vt incantatos sortilegi; & currere post caudas mularum vestrarū, cum suis sacculis. Which agreeth well with that which Maillard casteth Iudges and Atturneys in the teeth withall: who (notwithstanding all their wrangling, bawling, and outcries one against another in open Court) prolong a suite full foure yeares for one onely dinner. I returne to Menot, who vpbraideth Atturneys (fol. 125. col. 1.) for keeping children in suite against their mothers, being widowes: and who crieth out against pettifogging Proctors, for counselling debters to stand stoutly vpon the deniall of the debt, when the creditor hath neither writ nor witnesse. The same preacher (speaking of such as enrich themselues at the poore peoples cost) complaineth of Princes who ouercharge their subiects with taxes and subsidies, as fol. 170. col. 1. Quantum ad populum, miseria in qua est, talis est: Moritur fame, quòd nunc patitur tallias, gabellas, rosiones, excoriationes; & nisi dimittat pellem non poterit amplius aliquid pati. Item fol. 108. col. 1. O vtinam illud attenderent domini iusticiarij, qui fauore Principum, vt eis obtemperent, obediunt nefandis eorum praeceptis, pauperem populum rodentes, excoriantes pupillos & viduas, nouas quotidie exactiones suscitantes. Nothwithstanding (saith he) Lawyers do more impouerish a poore man in a three-penie suite, then all tolles, impositions and customes, yea then all the souldiers that could come to his house in a yeare. For these Lawyers (whom he calleth the Kings officers) appointed for protection of the poore people, are like the Cat which keepeth the [Page] Mice from the cheese, who if she once fall of eating her selfe, will do more hurt at one bit, then a mouse can do at twentie. He also exclaimes against Iudges for tollerating vsury and the stewes: and he vpbraideth certaine Lords of the Parliament, for making no conscience to let their houses to panders, whore mongers, and bawds. He recordeth also sundry other knaueries committed by other officers; as namely fol. 128. And directing his speech generally against all such as enrich themselues by vnlawfull meanes, hee saith, Ye gentlemen and gentlewomen, that haue all things according to your hearts desire, and weare Scarlet gownes, I verily thinke that if a man should presse them hard, the bloud of the poore (wherein they haue bene died) would drop out of them. Which Hyperbolicall and loftie kind of speech, is almost word for word the same with that of Barelets (whereof we haue already spoken) who forgets not Lawyers (especially Atturneys) no more then his fellowes; albeit he speake but little of them in comparison. Fol. 109. col. 3. O persequutores viduarum, ô lupi rapaces, ô crudeles aduocati. See what he also saith, fol. 262.

I proceede to other thefts and pilferings committed by other trades-men, and men of other callings, and reprooued by these preachers, especially by Maillard, committed (I say) deceitfully either in false wares, or in false weights and measures, or otherwise by cunning conueyance. First then, fol. 70. col. 2. he saith, Vos domini notarij, fecistísne deceptiones in literis? Vnde dicitur communiter in communi prouerbio, From three things good Lord deliuer vs, from a Notaries & caetera, from an Apothecaries Qui pro quo, and from an Italian figge: (where note by the way, that he keepeth a foule ado in sundry places with the Apothecaries qui pro quo.) And fol. 27. col. 2. as also fol. 66. col. 3. he is offended with diuers of them for mingling ginger with cinnamon, to make spices, and with such as lay bags and bundles of ginger, pepper, saffron, cinamon, &c. in a celler or vault vnder the earth to make them weigh the heauier. Moreouer, he inueyeth against Apothecaries for mingling oile with saffron, to giue it a fairer colour, and better weight. Fol. 68. col. 3. Not forgetting merchants among the rest, who powre water into their wools that they may weigh the heauier: nor Clothiers, who wet their clothes to make rhem stretch the better. He further reproueth infinite deceits in sundry other kinds, till he come euen to Vintners, who sophisticate their wine in mingling water therewith: and to Butchers who blow vp their flesh, and mingle swines grease with other suet. But he chafeth extremely against the hucksters, who buy with a great measure or weight, and sell with a lesse: and he is horne mad at those which helpe the ballance with their finger, to make it fall. Et quando ponderatis aliquid (saith he) datis de digito super stateram, vt descendat. He speakes also against Merchants who forsweare themselues, to the end they may sell the dearer, Merces suas plus periurijs onerando quàm pretijs: and against such as cut the poore peoples throates with their Monopolies: where we are to take Monopolies (according to the proper signification of the word) for that which is vsually practised by the engrossers who get into their hands any commoditie the countrey will affoord, and afterward sell it at their owne price; which I do the rather insinuate, because the word Monopolie is commonly taken in another sence. But to returne to the periuries of Merchants. He vpbraideth them (page 331. col. 2.) for that they make no bones to forsweare themselues, and to damne their soules to the diuell for an halfe peny. Estis hic (saith he) qui pro vno albo estis contenti damnari? But Menot telleth vs of certaine merchants who made no conscience to forsweare themselues for a farthing. And he further sheweth, that their manner was (in those dayes) to [Page] ouerprise their wares, and to sell that for a shilling, for which they were not ashamed to aske ten. He is also much offended with those merchants, who not contented to know cunning knacks of knauery, and to practise them dayly for their owne aduantage, do also teach them their children, scarce crept out of the cradle, fearing lest they should want wit to deuise them themselues: and how they teach them the tricke of the ballance (mensuram parui ponderis) threatning them that their children thus taught and trained vp by them, shall one day serue in stead of fagots and fire-brands in hell to burne them; as fol. 115. col. 3. and elsewhere. Barelete is as busie as his fellowes in blazoning the knaueries committed by these couetous caitiues in wares and merchandizes: where he bringeth in one of them alledging this prouerbe, I wil (as the Florentine saith) haue an iron arme, an Ants belly, a dogs soule: that is, to the end that I may become rich, I will take as much paines as I am able to endure: I will shift with as little cost as possibly I can: as for conscience, I will respect it no more then a dog. The last of which, agreeth well with this other prouerbiall saying, He that would quickly be rich, must turne his backe on God. Both which are true and infallible testimonies of the profanenesse & impiety which hath long since seized and taken possession of most mens minds, though especially applied to Merchants.

They censure blasphemies as sharply as other vices (which come in here very fitly after periurie, whereunto many are egged on by couetousnes.) First therfore to begin with Maillard, fol. 271. col. 1. O wicked wretches (saith he) which neuer cease swearing by Gods flesh, by Gods bloud, by the body of God, by Gods head, by Gods wounds, by Gods death. He elsewhere mentioneth other blasphemies, as I wil haue it in despite of God: I renoūce God, &c. And gamesters (saith he) are wont to say, In spite of God, which he expresseth in these words, In mala gratia sit hoc factū: Ie desauoue Dieu, Gallicè; I care not a blew button for God. Moreouer, he twits women with these their modest speeches and interpretations, The diuell take me; I would I might neuer come in heauen; I would I might be damned if euer I did or said this or that. And that when their husbands tooke them tardie, as in talking with their paramours, or any whom they suspected, and had in iealousie (for which he giues them one or two Items) their manner was to say, The diuell take me if euer he spake to me of any such thing. And he crieth out against their hellish blasphemies, as swelling againe not onely with the venime and poison of impietie, but euen of plaine Atheisme, as when they say, Let God keepe his heauen to himselfe, and let vs alone, and follow our pleasures, Fol. 125. col. 3. And coming afterward to speake of blasphemous oathes (much like the former) he saith, And you base Christians which sweare by Gods wounds, by the bodie of God, and Gods bloud; is not this the language of the infernall lake? And fol. 140. col. 1. he reporteth that it was enacted by holy King Lewis, that blasphemers for the first offence should endure a moneths imprisonment, and after to be set on the pillorie, (for he saith, ponerentur in pilario: whereas Menot saith, Au carquan, or au collier:) for the second, that their tongues should be pierced through with a hote iron: for the third, that their vnder lippe should be boared through: for the fourth, that their tongues and lippes should be cut off. And we may not forget the place formerly alledged, where he reporteth how certaine Iewes at Tours (in the raigne of King Lewis the eight) hearing Christians swearing in most fearful maner, as if they meant to haue pulled Christ out of heauen, said, they wondred they would [...]o outrage him, if they did beleeue that he died for them. Menot also is hote against the blasphemers of those times, telling them that it is all one as if they should spit in Gods face: alledging [Page] out of Saint Chrysostome, that Christians sinne as grieuously which blaspheme Christ now being in heauen, as the Iewes did who crucified him when he was vpon earth. He further alledgeth sundry reasons why this sinne of all others is most to be detested, where he saith, O miseri, nunquam Diaboli ausi fuerunt facere quod facitis. And sheweth what a shame it is, that blasphemies should be punished by Turkes and Saracens, and should remaine vnpunished among Christians. And a little after, In times past (saith he) they were set in the stockes, or on the pillorie, or cast in prison, or had some great fine set vpon their heads: and in the raigne of holy King Lewis their tongues were pierced through according to the Law which he had made in that behalfe. But the contrary is practised at this day: for they that should punish blasphemies, are of all others the greatest blasphemers, glorying therein, and saying that it is not for a paisant to renounce God, Quòd non pertinet ad rurales rennuciare Deum. Et ego dico tibi quòd ad te non pertinet intrare Paradisum: and I tell thee, thou shalt neuer come into heauen for this geare. In another place he maketh mention of a notorious swearer, whose tongue King Lewis caused to be cut out, fol. 183. col. 1. Sic S. Ludouicus de vno blasphematore Parisius, qui fecit ei abscindere linguam. But Barelete is more hote and vehement against his countreymen the Italians, then they against their country men the French, when he saith fol. 120. col. 2. O Italy infected with such a vice, O people polluted with such wickednesse: I feare me Gods vengeance will vtterly ouerwhelme you in a moment. Neither is he to learne how to apply King Lewis his decree against blasphemers, alledged by the two former preachers. He saith moreouer, that the Saracens had a law, that whosoeuer blasphemed Christ or the blessed virgine (his mother) should be famished to death betweene two boords. He telleth vs also of another auncient law, which punished blasphemy and buggery with the same punishment. And is it not a lamentable thing (saith he) that Duke Galeace should hang a man onely for murmuring against him? and that the Duke of Mantua should put another to death for the like offence: and that blasphemers should go scotfree and vnpunished? He further shewes that it is lesse excusable then any other vice, in that whereas men are drawne to commit sinne through delight and pleasure which they take therein, (as the whoremonger by the pleasure he taketh in whoredome and daliance; the glutton by the delight he hath in his full furnisht table, in dainty morcels, and the laughter of his wine, &c.) the blasphemer can haue no delight in swearing at all: adding moreouer that it hath this proper and peculiar vnto it, in that whereas all other sinnes cease after death, this onely continues. For proofe whereof he alledgeth Apoc. 16. And men blasphemed God which hath power ouer these plagues. And a little after, And blasphemed the God of heauen for their paines and for their sores. And to the same effect also in the end of the Chapter. Lastly he laboureth with tooth and naile (at leastwise in shew) to withdraw them from this sinne, as by propounding sundry examples of Gods fearefull iudgements which haue befallen swearers and blasphemers; as that when certaine gamesters at Mantua brake forth into blasphemy against our blessed Sauiour, their eyes fell on the table. That at Rome a child (but fiue yeares old) blaspheming the name of God, was caried away by the diuell from betweene his parents armes. That a marriner at Ragouse, most fearfully tearing and rending God asunder with his bloudie othes, fell into the sea, and was not seene till certaine dayes after that he was found on the shore, where his bodie was taken vp entire and whole, the tongue onely excepted. He further speakes of certaine oathes proper to Italians, as when they call God traitor, and the virgine Marie whore, fol. 118. col. 1. Clamant Deum traditorem,[Page]virginem, putanam. Which I remember onely for their sakes who haue not bene in Italy. For they who haue continued there any time, and haue trauelled through the countrey (as my selfe haue done) may by these two remember others farre more horrible; except God haue bene more mercifull vnto them herein, then vnto me, in giuing them grace to forget them. And I perswade my selfe, that since Barelets time blasphemies haue much more increased both in number and nature, I meane as well in quantitie as qualitie. For I remember that in the last yeare of my abode in Italy, I heard certaine oathes which I had not heard bebefore, as at Bononia which I had not heard at Venice, Padua nor Vincentia; and at Florence, which I had not heard at Bononia nor at Luke: and so of other places, as at Rome, Naples, &c. But the most horrible terrible oath that euer I heard belched out in all my life, or euer heard of, was vttered by a Priest at Rome, who had bene angred by a courtizan, which I will conceale for this present, and returne to Barelete, who mentioneth a merry oath which a good fellow (an Italian) was wont to vse, viz. A bots on the asse that caried Christ to Ierusalem: a merry one I say, if any oath may be called merry. Howbeit it is rather to be termed a ieast, then an oath. And yet if it be spoken with an intent to sweare, it is worke enough for Diuines: as when Italians say in their fustian fumes Per la Potta of such or such a one; whereas they are otherwise wont to say, Per la Potta de la virgine Maria; or by way of exclamation, Potta de la virgine Maria; or leauing out Maria, as being easily vnderstood; and when French-men say in heate and hast vertubieu: as also when Germaines in their curses and imprecations corruptly pronounce the word Gott, for which we call them dastipoteurs, because we do not vnderstand them. But to close vp this point, were it not for my former promise, I would here relate what I haue read in the Sermons of Barelete, of a Bishop, who had taken vp such a bad custome of swearing, that when Barelete came to admonish him thereof, saying, Reuerend father, I haue often heard that you cannot speake a word without an oath, or naming the Diuell: he presently (to cleare himselfe of that imputation, and to shew that it was but a false slander and malicious defamation) said, And who reported that of me in the diuels name? By G. body it is false. Then said he, Reuerend father, I take your selfe for witnesse. But if any desire to heare his pure Ciceronian Latin, thus it is word for word: Exemplum Praelati, quem noui Ianuae, qui loqui nesciebat, nisi per corpus & nomen Diaboli. Quum nemo auderet mouere, ego Gabriel officium suscepi, dicens, Pater reuerende, plures de vestris nobis dicunt, quòd nescitis loqui sine iuramento, & nomine Diaboli. At Episcopus in impatientiam versus, ait, In nomine Diaboli, & quis de me ita dicit? Per corpus Christi non est verum. Cui respondi, Reuerende Domine, à vobis testimonium capio: sic (que) cum rubore discessit. Which hote bickering betweene Barelete and the Bishop I had no sooner related to a vertuous gentleman of good credite and account, but he paralleled it with another very like it, which he gaue me in exchange, albeit his was new, and mine somewhat state. How that he hauing told a gentleman (his very good friend) that the wound he had receiued, ought to be a warning vnto him to beware of swearing, (a sinne to which he was much addicted) he should answer and say, By G. body I will neuer sweare more.

Moreouer, they complaine much of murthers and man-slaughters. And their manner is in speaking of the sinnes of their time, to range whoredome, theft and murther in the first ranke: and they seeme to be grieued to the very soule that they are not punished. Menot saith, if a man go to the magistrate, and informe him of a murther committed the last night in such a place, he will not stirre a foote, nor [Page] moue a finger, except he first know the accuser, and who will discharge the Court by paying the fees: of which neglect of iustice, he speaketh in sundry other places. Hee complaineth also that men are no more moued then stockes or stone walles, when they see a man of worth slaine in the open streetes. And Barelete saith, Occiditur homo, & adhuc malefactor stat in terminis patriae sine pauore, quia non est iustitia.

But there are other murthers, for which they weepe water and snot: as those which women commit in causing an abortion: and (which is worse) for that Priests (as Maillard saith) perswade them that in so doing they commit no mortall sinne. Fol. 74. col. 2. Súntne ibi mulieres, & sacerdotes qui dicunt quòd mulieres comedentes venenum ad expellendum materiam de matrice suâ, ne foetus veniat ad portam, antequam anima rationalis introducatur, non peccant mortaliter? Where he also telleth vs of children cast into riuers, and priuies. Vtinam haberemus aures apertas, & andiremus voces puerorum in latrinis proiectorum & in stuminibus. Barelete also crieth out against this sinne, fol. 262. col. 2. O quot luxuriae, O quot Sodomiae, O quot fornicationes, clamant latrinae, latibula vbi sunt pueri suffocati. Pontanus also alledgeth an example of this currish crueltie, affirming it to be more vsuall with Nuns then with others.

These I hope may suffice to shew the estate of the Age last past. For (if according to the old saying, A word be enough to the wise) by these the learned Reader may conceiue of the rest. For albeit we haue spoken nothing of the gluttonie and drunkennesse of those times, yet we may not thinke that whoredome was without these two companions, especially considering what the old prouerbe saith, Sine Cerere & Baccho friget Venus. And the Greeke verse saith prouerbially, that when the belly is full, the mind is among the maides. Which agrees well with the French prouerbe, Apres la panse, vient la danse: After banquetting followes chambering. Ouid also saith, Non habet vnde suum paupertas pascat amorem. And we may assure our selues, that there was no manner of costly or sumptuous attire, no fond, fantasticall, gaudie, or garish fashion, which the wit of man or the wickednesse of the time could inuent, but was then in vse. For Oliuer Maillard is at hot as a tost with Atturneys wiues, who (notwithstanding their husbands poore estate, hauing not after they haue payd for their offices so much as twentie shillings a yeare left them) are as stately as Princesses. Menot also is round with them, telling them that there need no other flags to display their folly, but their fans and verdingales: but especially for that they did not hide that which modestie wold haue couered. Fol. 61. col. 2. Vos iuuenes mulieres que aperitis pectora vestra ad ostendendum mamillas. Menot also taketh on like an oister-wife, for that they wore their gownes so open before, that a man might haue almost seene their bellies. And he reproueth them sharply for sundry like vnseemly and vnciuill behauiours: especially for this: If my mistris (saith he) be at Church, and there come in some gentleman-like man; to keepe the custome of gentilitie, she must rise vp amongst them all, and giue him a licke on the lips, though it be in the Sermon or prayer time, when euerie man is deepe in his deuotion. The diuell (saith he) take such fashions. Ad omnes diabolos talis modus faciendi. But it is now high time we should heare how these preachers say Church-men their lessons, or rather how they reproue them and giue them the gentle correction: if the reproofe of the meane may take place with the mightie: and if their loud cries and shrill voices lifted vp like so many trumpets, may pierce the eares of these deafe adders, better stopped then euer were Vlysseses, least hee should heare the melodious harmonie, or harmonious [Page] melodie of the Syrens song, to vse the phrase of our descanting and Pindarizing Poets.

CHAP. VII. Of certaine vices reproued in our good Catholickes by the aforesaid Preachers.

THat I may performe my late promise, I must bestow this Chapter vpon my Masters of the Popish Cleargie: beginning according to my former method, with their whoredome; yet not forgetting their secret thefts and cunning conueyance, whereby they were wont to maintaine themselues in their dissolute demeanour and loose life, as they do at this day. First then let vs heare Oliuer Maillard (doing him this honour, as alwayes heretofore, to giue him first audience.) Fol. 327. col. 1. ‘Haue you any of those great men here, whose wiues make them weare hornes? Yes, there is store of such: so that we may well say, the Cuckoes song is now come into the Popes Court. But before we come to Prelates, let vs heare how he layeth out the knauery of poore Priests and simple Sir Iohns. They heare (saith he) womens confessions, and knowing who they be that vse the occupation, they runne after them.’ Which puts me in mind of that which I haue read of certaine Priests who would gladly haue brought vp this custome, that the poore penitents which came vnto them for absolution, should shew them those parts of their bodies wherewith they had offended. I returne to Maillard, who hath these words vsually in his mouth: Sacerdotes concubinarij, or fornicarij; as also, religiosi concubinarij. He further speakes against such as keepe them in their chambers At bed and boord. à pain & à pot: as fol. 61. col. 3. Súntne hîc sacerdotes tenentes concubinas à pain & à pot. In stead wherof Menot saith At rack and manger. à pot & à cueillier. To reture to Prelates, against whom Maillard inueyeth, fol. 22. col. 4. ‘O ye infamous damned fat gotbellies, written in the diuels booke, theeues, and Church-robbers, (as Saint Bernard saith) do ye thinke that your founders gaue you your liuings to do nothing but to hunt whores, and to shoote at short buts? And fol. 107. col. 1. And ye my Masters of the Clergie, that spend your benefices vpon horses, hounds and whores.’ He addeth also Histriones. Likewise pag. 84. col. 2. Aske S. Stephen if he went to heauen by leading such a life as you do, making great cheare, euer feasting and banquetting, giuing the goods of the Church and Crucifixe to harlots; keeping hounds and hawkes with the goods of the poore? It had bene better you had neuer bene borne, then that you should leade this loose, lazie, and licentious life. Where he likewise addeth Histriones after meretices. All men know the signification of this Latin word; but because both he and his fellowes deale with the Latin as they thinke good, vsing words arsie-versie and kim-kam, I doubt whether by Histriones he meant not moriones, which will appeare to be more probable, if we consider the practise vsuall at this day. In another place he saith that Prelates haue no table talke but of obscenitie and ribaldrie. And he is the man (if my memory faile me not) who saith, that whereas Prelates in times past gaue mony towards the mariage of yong maides (which were monilesse and friendlesse) they contrarily suffer them to play the strumpets vnder their noses, making them get their dowries by the sweate of their bodies. But let vs heare what goodman Menot saith (who currieth the cockscombs [Page] of those gallants as well as the best of them.) Fol. 144. col. 2. I say the like de ancillis sacerdotum, quibus non licet dare hoc sacramentum Eucharistiae; quòd certè non sunt de grege Dei, sed Diaboli. And fol. 82. col. 3. Est filia seducta, quae fuit per annum inclusa cum sacerdote cum poto & cochleari, at bed and boord, hodie venit, &c. And in another place he saith, that when souldiers entred any towne, the first thing they sought for was the Curates (or Parsons) Lemman. And they might haue done well (as farre as we may gather by his words) to haue giuen warning from one end of the towne to the other: Looke to your plackard Madame (or Mistris) for feare of these Prelates. For ouer and besides those which they kept at home, they had customers in euery corner of the towne. Albeit they tooke greatest sport in making Counsellers weare the hornes. But here was the iest, that great rich men had euer one Prelate or other for their gossips: the goodman taking him for his sons godfather, who (vnknowne to him) was his father. Where note how in his copper Latin he calleth the committing of whoredom with a Bishop, facere placitum Domini Episcopi: to do my Lord Bishop a pleasure: as fol. 18. O Domina quae facitis placitum Domini Episcopi. And fol. 110. col. 2. If you shall aske how this child being but ten yeares old, got such a liuing: they will answer you straight, that his mother was very familiar with the Bishop, and for kind acquaintance dedit ei. He further mentioneth a cunning sleight practised by these sir Iohns, to haue their pleasure of those with whom they were in loue, that their manner was (if no other occasion were offered) to inuite them to a feast among other modest maids and matrons. Last of all he sheweth that Prelates in his time had both maids and matrons, both wiues and widowes, at commaund. We haue already heard how Maillard (after Saint Bernard) calleth them theeues, and Church-robbers. Let vs now heare what Menot saith of their thefts and simonies (though men now a dayes make but a ieast of such sinnes.) First then, fol. 70. col. 1. he saith, O Domini Ecclesiastici, qui roditis ossa mortuorum, & bibitis sanguinem Crucisixi, audite. And fol. 5. col. 3. Non est cauda Praelatorum, qui hodie post se ducunt canes, & mangones indutos ad modum armigerorum, sicut Suytenses: qui nullo modo curant de grege sibi credito. And straight after, Quid dicetis, Domini Ecclesiastici & Praelati, qui comeditis bona buius pauperis qui pendit in cruce, ducendo vestras vanitates? And fol. 132. col. 1. O si non viderentur magniluxus, great brauery, simoniae, magna vsura patentes, notoriae luxuriae, quae sunt in Ecclesia, populus non esset scandaliza [...]us, nec vos imitaretur. O qualis rumor! dico secundum puram veritatem: O what a notorious shame it is! I say the plaine truth of it: Mille Praelati sunt causa quòd pauper & simplex populus peccat, & quarit infernum: that the poore people sinne, and are damned ad omnes diabolos. And fol. 118. col. 1. he sends the dealing of all those Prelates packing to the diuel, in the sence that men are wont to praise them for good husbandry. Nunc (saith he) si aliquem eorum vis laudare, hoc modo laudes, Est bonus pater-familiae, he is a good husband: benè aliter facit quàm suus praedecessor. Ad omnes Diabolos tale menagium. Menagium pro animabus est magis necessarium, & principale. And speaking of their election, fol. 93. col. 1. Videmus quòd hodie intrant Ecclesiam vt boues stabulum, cornibus eleuatis: vt multi qui intrant non per Spiritum sanctum, sed vi armorum, & strepitu armigerorum & militum: by force of armes and dint of sword. Likewise fol. 110. col. 1. Sed vnde prouenit hoc? quia certè Spiritus sanctus est hodie expulsus de concilio, synagoga, & capitulis Episcoporum, & electionibus Praelatorum. Quia, vt videtur, hodie puero decem annorum datur parochia in qua sunt quingenti ignes: & pro custodia assignatur quandoque a Courtier, vnus nobilis curiae, qui post Deum nil odit nisi Ecclesiam. Heu, Deus scit quomodo hodie dantur beneficia Ecclesiastica. Si quaritis quomodo puer iste [Page]habuit beneficium: sciunt responsionem, Mater suae erat familiaris cum Episcopo, his mother was very familiar with the Bishop, and for acquaintance sake dedit ei. Nam hodie verificatur & completur Prophetia Esayae 3. Populum meum exactores sui spoliauerunt, & mulieres dominatae sunt eorum. Videmus hodie super mulas, habentes duas Abbatias, duos Episcopatus (Anglicè two crosses, two myters) & adhuc non sunt contenti. As also in another place, And you gentlewomen (saith he) that do my Lord Bishop the pleasure you wot of, and then you say, Oh, oh, he will do my sonne a good turne, he shall be the better prouided for by some benefice or Ecclesiasticall dignitie. Also fol. 111. col. 2. Quòd hodie non dantur beneficia, non, non, sed venduntur. Non est meum dare vobis. Antiquitùs dicebantur Praebendae, à Praebeo, praebes: sed hodie dici debent Emenda, ab Emo, emis; quòd non est meum dare vobis. Which conceited allusion puts me in mind of that which he hath, fol. 100. col. 4. Secundò erit Prior, Abbas, Comendatarius, & potius comedatarius qui omnia comedit. Moreouer, he oftē reproues and censures them for simony (to which we may referre certain particulars spoken of before) as fol. 94. col. 1. Nónne reputatis simoniam quando pro Episcopatu valente nouem millia, facitis fasciculum plurium beneficiorum ascendentium vsque ad summā nouem millium, & datis hoc pro recompensa? Ad omnes diabolos tales recompensa. Likewise fol. 8. col. 3. Sic isti Protonotarij qui habent illas dispensas ad tria, imò ad quindecim beneficia, & sunt simoniaci & sacrilegi: & non cessant arripere beneficia, incompatibilia: idem est eis. Si vacet Episcopatus, pro eo habendo dabitur vnus grossus fasciculus aliorū beneficiorū. Primò accumulabuntur archidiaconatus, abbatiae, duo prioratus, quatuor aut quinque praebendae, & dabuntur haec omnia pro recompensatione. And fol. 100. col. 2. Dic de abusibus qui fiunt quando isti qui habent beneficia, dant illa fratri vxoris, vt illa portionem haereditatum fratris habeat. I may not here forget what he saith (fol. 124. col. 3.) concerning Monkes, viz. how they are euer following one suite or other in the pallace at Paris: so that of foure you meet with, it is a wonder if one be not a Monke. And if you aske them, what businesse they haue there? One Clericus will answer, Our Chapter is in suite with the Deane, the Bishop, &c. and I dance attendance vpon these Counsellers for this end. And thou maister Monke, what doest thou here? I pleade for an Abbey of eight hundred pound rent for my Lord Abbot. And thou white Monke? I pleade for a small Priory for my selfe. And you beggerly Monkes, that haue neither land nor liuing, what do you sneaking here? The King hath granted vs salt, wood, and the like, but his officers denie to giue them: or such a couetous or enuious Curate denies vs buriall, and will not suffer vs to performe the will of one lately deceased: so that we are inforced to repaire to the Court to seeke a redresse.

Barelete indeed doth not so often inueigh against these two vices of Cleargie-men, as his fellowes. But elsewhere he telleth vs a very merry tale of a Venetian doctor, who being taken with a filthy drab at vnawares in the very fact, and that by her mistris, and Barelete (then preacher in Venice) whom she had sent for to see this sport, and being admonished of this so hainous and scandalous a sin, made no other answer, but that he was so deepe in loue with this dirtie droile, that he knew not what to thinke or say of himselfe, whether he were a man or a beast. He further cries out against Nunnes for pestering the world with a broode of bastard brats, whereof his fellowes speake nothing to my remembrance. Howbeit Pontanus tels vs in plaine termes of certaine Monasteries of Nunnes at Valentia in Spaine, which differ nothing from stewes. And least any should suspect me of falsification or forgery, I will alledge his owne words, as they are to be found in his treatise De Immanitate, cap. 17. Valentia in Hispania citeriore, aedes quadam sacra, Vestalium (que) Monasteria,[Page]ita quidem patent amatoribus, vt instar lupanariorum sint. Moreouer, discoursing in generall of Nunnes, he saith, that they either kill their children in the wombe by certaine potions, or else strangle them as soone as they are borne, and after cast them into priuies.

CHAP. VIII. How the foresaid Preachers haue discouered certaine abuses in Popish doctrine; and of the couetousnesse of the Popish Cleargie.

BVt (to omit the loose liues of our good Catholickes) the foresaid Preachers discouer certaine errors in doctrine (though themselues were greatly ouerseene in sundry things, so that we may well iudge of them according to the prouerb, He that hath but one eye is king among the blind:) where note, that they are such errors & abuses, as helpe to keepe their kitchins hot. First then Maillard is full of inuectiues against pedlers of relickes, as fol. 25. col. 3. Estis hic Domini bullatores & portatores reliquiarum? And fol. 25. col. 3. Dixi hodie mane de lingua fraudulatoria, & credo quòd iugling Gipsies Anglice, portatores reliquiarum, caphardi, & mensuratores vultuum imaginum saepe comedunt de isto pastillo. Also fol. 3 [...]. col. 3. Estis hic portatores bullarum? numquid linitis auditores vestros ad capiendas bursas eorum? Likewise fol. 45. col. 1. Et vos portatores reliquiarum & indulgentiarum, numquid iactatis vos de malis quae facitis in villagijs? But before I proceed to a further point, I will giue a short exposition of this word pastillo, that is pastie; and that out of the author himselfe. We are therefore to know, that it hath relation to a tale that he told fol. 24. col. 4. It is reported (saith he) that the diuell being very sicke vpon a time, his Phisitians asked him to what his stomack would best serue him, to fresh water fish, or to sea-fish? He answered to neither. Whereupon they asked him if he had a mind to porke, biefe, or veale? He answered, No. Well then (said the Phisitians) haue you a stomacke to chickens, partridges, or venison? He answered, that his stomack could not away with them no more then with the rest: but that he would gladly eate of that meate which women eate of when they lie in childbed, to wit, of a pastie of tongues. Wherupon they asked him with what sauce he would eate it. I would haue them (said he) first fried, and then baked. I leaue the deduction and application hereof to those that haue the book, seeing I haue quoted the place where it is to be found. But those that haue heard the chat & pratling of these gossiping houswiues when they sit by a warme fire, may easily guesse how their tongues wag when they are bathing themselues in a warme bath of a woman in childbed: which is a circumstance worthy the noting. For verily it is not probable, that their tongues should then be frozen, at leastwise I dare giue my word for the good wiues of Paris, who call their seates cacquetoires, that is, tatling benches; where sitting together after they haue finely fetcht ouer their husbands, brethren, sisters, kinsmen and friends (yea and their louers also who are now called seruants) at last fall foule among themselues, giuing each other such priuie nips and crosse blowes ouer the thombes, that their husbands are hornified thereby. But now to the matter againe (lest it be said that women make me forget my selfe) yet so as I will not giue them a finall farewell: for the fact whereof I am about to speake (reproued by Maillard) concernes them very nearely, viz. that notwithstanding the glosse affirme, that if a [Page] priest be found kissing a woman, we must suppose he did it to print a blessing vpon her lips: yet we may in charitie iudge that it is a preparatiue to initiate them in some other mystery, especially if they be alone, and in a suspected place. He speaketh also very boldly (for those times) against Indulgences and pardons: yet so as a man may well perceiue he speaketh not all he thinketh. In the meane time he flatly condemneth these pedlers of pardons (whom he calleth in another place bullatores) for saying, that if they were perswaded that their auncestors had not bought Popes pardons (meaning such pedlary ware as they had in their packes) they would neuer pray for them. Among other things he saith, An creditis quòd vnus magnus vsurarius, plenus vitijs, qui habebit mille millia peccata, dando sex albos trunco, habeat remissionem omnium peccatorum suorum? Certè durum est mihi credere, & durius praedicare. He further reproueth such as preached onely for gaine. Are you here my maisters (saith he) you Lent preachers, who preach onely in hope of gaine: and when you haue gotten a round summe, say on Easter day, that you haue had a good Lent? Where he compares them to adulterers for this reason: Adulteri enim de malo concubitu recipiunt prolem: ita & vos pecuniam. And Fol. 331. col. 1. Videte magistri venerandi, habuistis bonum quadragesimale, lucrati estis centum francos, congregastis multum; vos reddetis computum. He complaineth also that the Church-men sell the diuell and all, in refusing to bury one in the Church vnder a franc. I returne to Menot, who calleth those pedlers of relickes portatores rogationum, whom Maillard calleth portatores reliquiarum, & indulgentiarum, & bullatores. It is (saith Menot fol. 131.) the practise of these pedlers to make poore widowes beleeue, that they and their family ought rather to starue for hunger, then to want their pardons. In like manner Fol. 174. col. 3. Shall I speake a word for all? Diuines neuer medled with these pardons, or very little. And presently after, None preach them but these false Friers, who adde infinite thereto, to deceiue the people: and being in tauernes, keepe reuell rout, as though they were yong diuels, talking of nothing but of dallying and whoredome. Further, the said preacher (fol. 12. col. 4.) makes mention of certaine cheaters, who hauing pawned their reliks in a tauerne, shewed the people a brand, and made them worship it, as being one of those wherewith Saint Laurence was broyled. But of this more hereafter. Barelete also (as I remember) reproueth certaine abuses, though very briefly, rather pointing at them, then dwelling long vpon any point. Neither are we to wonder that he and his fellowes should let so many abuses go scotfree, vntouched, and vncensured. It is a wonder rather they could discouer any, considering the course they tooke. Howbeit we are to obserue this one thing, that whatsoeuer the ignorance of former times hath bene, the doctrine, which tended directly to keepe the kitching hot, hath euer bene suspected. Whence it is that some (euen of our good Catholickes) could neuer be brought to put any confidence in such pardons: for that they considered (albeit they should haue ascended higher, and sought peremptory proofes) that if they tooke place, men should buy out the pardon of their sinnes at too easie a rate. Thus we see what the doctrine is, which tends directly to keepe their kitchins hot. And in very truth there is no one conclusion in the Romish religion which pointeth not this way, though some more directly, others more obscurely. How euer it be, our old prouerbes do sufficiently blazon the couetousnesse of our good Catholickes. But this ensuing best of all:

Trois choses sont tout d'vn accord,

L'Eglise, la Cour, & la mort.

L'Eglise prend du vif, du mort:

[Page]La Cour prend le droict & le tort:

La mort prend le foible & le sort.

That is,

There be things three do well agree,

The Church, the Court, and destinie.

For none will ought to other leaue:

The Church from liue and dead doth reaue:

The Court takes both the right and wrong:

And death takes both the weake and strong.

There is also another prouerbe which saith, that three things are vnsatiable, Priests, Monks, and the sea: whereof Barelete puts me in mind when he saith, Presbyteri, & fratres, & mare nunquam satiantur. Howbeit I haue heard old folkes name these threee, Priests, women, and the sea. And verily Monkes may well be comprised vnder Priests.

CHAP. IX. Wherein is declared, that by how much the wickednesse of the last Age doth exceed the former, by so much ours doth surpasse the last: notwithstanding that vices are better detected, more sharply censured, and seuerely punished then euer they were.

WE may perceiue by the complaints taken vp by the foresaid Preachers, that they saw the world in the wane, waxing dayly worse and worse. For it is not to be thought but that they omitted sundry grosse and hainous sinnes which raigned in those dayes, either because they knew them not, or remembred them not. For we may well thinke, that men in those dayes were not onely good guardians, in keeping the vices whereof their auncestors left them inheritors, but improuers also in increasing their stocke by adding of new. And verily I must confesse that I haue not reaped so great a haruest, nor gathered so plentifull a vintage out of their workes and writings, but that many gleanings and after-gatherings remaine behind for such as haue moe idle houres then my selfe. For who so shall diligently peruse the Sermons of these three Doctors, shall find that I haue omitted a number of notorious and prodigious facts, which haue bene discouered in part by ancient Poets. For proofe hereof, consider what Menot saith: ‘The sonne would plucke out his fathers eyes to enioy his goods. And I perswade my selfe that the booke in which children studie least, and which grieueth them most, is the life of their fathers (where he alludes to a booke called Vitae Patrum, written of certaine Ancients who were thought to haue led a strict and holy life.)’ And a little before, Alas, how is it possible to find friendship among enemies, when loue is not to be found among kinsmen? no not betweene parents and children, brethren and sisters? Now that this sinne is of great standing, may appeare by Hesiod, whom Ouid hath thus expressed:

Viuitur ex rapto, non hospes ab hospite tutus,

Non socer à genero, fratrum quoque gratia rara est.

Imminet exitio vir coniugis, illa mariti.

Lurida terribiles miscent aconita nouerca.

[Page] Which Marrot hath thus turned:

On vit desia de ce q [...]'on emble & oste.

Chez l'hostelier n'est point asseuré l'hoste:

Ne le beaupere auecques le sien gendre.

Petite amour entre freres s'engendre.

Le mari s'offre à la mort de sa femme.

Femme au mary f [...]t semblable diffame.

Per mal-talent les marastres terribles

Meslent souuent venins froids & horribles.

That is,

All liue on spoile. One where the warie guest

Suspects his falser host. Elsewhere the sonne

His second father feares. Nor can one brest,

One wombe, shield brothers from dissention.

The faithlesse wife conspires her husbands bane,

And he in fell reuenge seekes hers againe.

The cruell step-dame deadly poyson brues. &c.

He afterwards speakes of children, who abhorre to studie or reade in the booke called Vitae Patrum. ‘Filius ante diem patrios inquirit in annos.’ That is,

The sonne for raising of his owne estate,

Wisheth his father dead ere natures date.

True it is indeede, these words For raising of his owne estate, are not in the Latine: howbeit they are added very fitly to make vp the sence, as any man may perceiue: and they accord with that of Menot, that children would plucke out their fathers eyes to enioy their goods. And as they complained in old time of other vices, so of the neglect and want of iustice. For this is an ancient prouerbe (if we regard the sence rather then the words) Greater theeues hang the lesse: agreeable to that of Iuuenal: ‘Dat veniam Coruis, vexat censura columbas.’ That is, ‘Poore Doues are payd, whilst Rauens s [...]pen free.’ And it suteth well with the saying of that famous Law-giuer Zaleucus, that lawes are like to cobwebs: for as small flies [...] caught in them, when as the greater breake through them: so poore people, or such as cannot prattle apace, are insnared in them; wheras the rich, or such as haue glib tongues, breake through them by force: not vnlike to that in Terence:

—quia non rete Accipitri tenditur neque Miluio,

Qui malè faciunt nobis, illis qui nihil faciunt, tenditur.

Quia enim illis fructus est, in illis opera luditur.

Which is spoken by a smell-feast (or good trencher-man) called by this Poet a Parasite, who hauing boasted that he did strike and beate whom he listed, and plaid the pike in a pond, and that none durst once quinch or speake a word against him; being demanded the reason of this so great boldnesse, answered, Because the net is not spread for the Al Sake [...]. Sacre or Kite which annoy vs, but for those harmlesse birds that do not hurt vs: for there is some profite in these, as for the rest it is but labour lost. The Poet indeed (which I speake only by the way) vseth a Accipit [...]. word, which (as some are of opinion) signifieth all kind of haukes, whether sparrow [...] [Page] haukes, faulkons, or others. But I rather vse the word sacre, considering the common phrase in euery mans mouth vsed in way of a prouerbe, C'est vn sacre, as if a man should say, he is a spend thrift, or a deuouring gulfe. It is also taken for a glutton, or a wine-bibber. And good father Menot fol. 138. col. 1. forgets not those that exclaime against the poore, & haue nothing to say against the rich. For examining the history of the woman who was taken in adultery, and brought before our Sauiour Christ, he demandeth the reason why [...] brought not the adulterer also? To which he presently answereth, It may be (saith he) he was a rich mā. This is the common practise at this day: they accuse poore men, but haue not a word to say against a gros goddon. Which word I [...] of purpose, as being an excellent good French word (though now almost worne out of vse) vsed also by Oliuer Maillard his ancient: fol. 22. col. 4. O gros goddons, damnati, infames, & scripti in libro Diaboli, fures & sacrilegi. But to returne to our former argument touching great and small flies. Some there be who make the Philosopher Anacharsis author of this comparison, affirming that his meaning was, thereby to let Solon (a law-giuer as well as Zaleucus) vnderstand, that the paines he tooke in making lawes, was but in vain. Now whereas they who father it vpon Zaleucus, report he should say, that as the flie and the gnat falling into a cobweb are there intangled, whereas the Bee and the waspe breake through and flie away: so the poore, &c. They who father it vpon the Philosopher Anacharsis, in stead of great and small flies (signifying the poore and the rich) vse a comparison betweene light and waightie bodies, which (in my conceit) hath not so good a grace. But the Flie is vsed fitly in another comparison, which will not be amisse here to relate. It is that by which Metrodorus counselled those that would liue in any state or common wealth, or vnder any gouernment, that they should be carefull to auoid two extreames, viz. the bottome of basenesse and the height of honour: that they be neither like gnats nor Lions; seeing gnats are quashed at the very first, and men euer watch to take the Lion at aduantage.

Further, we heare how these Preachers exclaime against the pompe and brauery of women; and how Maillard for his part calleth them femmes à la grand' gorre, and femmes gorrieres, that is, women gorgeously apparelled, finicall and fine as fippence: and how he findeth fault with their long traines, their furres of sable, their gold wherewith they all to bespangle their heads, and which they weare about their necks, and on their girdles: and how Menot saith, The poore starue for cold in the streete, whilest thou stately Ladie; and thou delicate Dame hast seuen or eight gownes in thy trunke, which thou wearest not thrise in a yeare: and doest thou not thinke thou shalt be called to account for this vaine superfluitie before Gods iudgement seate? I know not what excuse a Ladie can make, who seeing a poore man naked and crying for cold, trayleth two or three elles of veluet after her. But how women in all ages haue desired to excell in brauery, (I should say in pompe and pride) Poets do sufficiently declare, who like heraulds haue proclaimed the folly of their sumptuous superfluities in this kind, whose testimonies (if haply they shal not satisfie any) they may haue recourse to sundry others, recorded by historians, as namely by Liuie, who reports that certaine Romaine Ladies and Gentlewomen (nobly descended, and otherwise accounted graue and chast matrons) did murmure and mutine against such as would not suffer them to returne to their braueries againe, and that in such turbulent and furious manner, as though they had bin besides themselues. And wherfore (I beseech you) were laws enacted of old, to cut off the excesse and riot of women, but because there was need of [Page] such bridles to restraine them, and curbes to keepe them in? Menot also vseth a word, which puts me in mind of a place in Terence, where he shewes what paines women tooke in tricking and trimming of themselues. For whereas he saith hyperbolically, that a man might sooner make a stable cleane where fortie horses had stood, then a woman will haue pinned all her pins, and setled her attire; Terence said long ago, Dum comuntur annus est. The same Preacher doth often fume and fret against those huswiues who attired themselues so modestly, that a man might see euen to their nauels. His words are these, fol. 25. col. 1. Habebit magnas manicas, caput dissolutum, & pectus discoopertum vsque ad ventrem, cum pectorali albo, per quod quis clarè potest videre. Which put me in mind of that which Horace saith:

Altera nil obstat Cois tibi: pene videre est

Vt nudam.

But some may haply say, As for this light, loose, and lasciuious kind of apparell, I hold it to be a wicked thing indeed: but why should brauery and sumptuous attire vndergo so sharpe a censure? To which I answer, that in some persons it cannot be reproued: notwithstanding such costly array hath euer bene condemned, because that for one that maintaines it at her owne cost, there are an hundred which maintaine it at their cost that cannot do withall (as Barelete and Menot testifie) though the mony come out of their husbands purses, or accrew to them by cutting asunder the true loues knot. For proofe whereof, consider the place formerly quoted out of Barelete, O ye such and such mens wiues, I tell you, if your garments were put in a presse, the bloud of the poore would drop from them. And Menot also, who iumpeth with him, not onely in iudgement, but almost in words: Ye my Lords & Ladies, who are so addicted to your pleasures, and weare scarlet gownes, I verily think that if they were wel pressed, a man might see the bloud of the poore (wherein they were died) runne out of them. Which prouerbiall phrases, though they may not be taken strictly according to the letter, but hyperbolically, the better to set out such impietie (as it were) in orient colours: yet Barelete not content to houer thus in generalities, bringeth for instance that which befell an vsurer, no lesse strange then the former: for he saith that bloud came out of the bread which he ate. As for those huswiues that maintaine their pompe and state by false play at the tables, in bearing a man too many, contrary to duty and promise, Maillard and Menot say them their lessons. But I will content my selfe with the testimonie of Maillard, who hauing said, Tell me whether it be a goodly sight to see an Atturneys wife, who hath not twentie shillings a yeare left him after he hath payed for his ffice, to go like a Princesse? to haue her head bespangled with gold, a gold chaine about her necke, and a golden girdle? You say your places wil maintaine it. The diuell take your places and you also [...]ddeth afterward, It may be you will say, Our husbands giue vs no such gownes, but we get them with the paine of our bodies. All the diuels in hell go with such paines. For these are his words: Dicetis fortè, Maritus noster non dat nobis tales vestes, sed nos lucramur ad poenam nostri corporis. Ad trigenta mille Diabolos talis poena. Now it is easie to vnderstand without further explication what this paine is: neuerthelesse if it seeme so obscure to any, that it need a glosse, a man may fetch it out of Maillard, where he exclaimeth against such as are their daughters bawds, and who make them get their dowrie with the paine and sweate of their bodies. Faciunt ei lucrari matrimonium suum ad poenam & sudorem sui corporis, fol. 35. col. 4.

But to apply these testimonies to the particulars which I haue here vndertaken to intreate of. If in Hesiods time there was small fidelitie to be found among men, [Page] no not among brethren, nor yet in children towards their parents: doubtlesse there was lesse in Ouids time, and much lesse in the ages following; and least of all in this wherein we liue. And if charitie did waxe cold in former times, it is now altogether frozen: if iustice did then halt of one foote, she now halteth downeright of both. If she had then but one eye, she is now starke blind. If she was deafe but of one eare, she is now as deafe as a doore naile (I speake according to the old prouerbe, There is none so deafe as he that wil not heare: to which we may adde this, There is none so blind as he that wil not see.) And whereas she then tooke onely with her hands, she now taketh both with hands and feete: and whereas brauery and effeminatenesse in attire, lasciuiousnesse in speech and behauiour, and all such vices as are fore-runners of greater mischiefes, went but on foote and slowly, now they go on horsebacke and in post. All which notorious and grosse sinnes we may assure our selues are now in the ruffe, and (as it were) in the Aprill of their age, (whereas the former were but in their winter:) hauing so much more vigour and strength now then they had in former time, as trees and plants haue in the spring time, then in the winter season. The truth of all which shall be demonstrated hereafter in particular.

Now we haue so little cause to complaine of the want of Christian reproofes, instructions, reprehensions and admonitions, or to iudge it to be the reason of the loosenesse and leudnesse of our times, that if we consider the great mercie and fauour of God towards vs in this behalfe, we cannot but wonder how the impietie of men at this day should any way come neare that of our auncestors. For where is the preacher now to be found (though many do nothing but flatter and bolster men vp in their sinnes) who if he should say in open pulpit with Oliuer Maillard (fol. 323. col. 2.) that whores ought to be tolerated, would not be afraid least little children would spit in his face? Or where is the man to be found, that dare maintaine that damnable paradoxe, which Priests (as he saith) defended in his time, That a woman killing the child in her wombe, did not commit a mortall sinne? And albeit it hath euer bene an odious, and so consequently a dangerous thing, to reproue sinne (as we may see in Menot, who complaineth that Preachers in his time were threatned with a red hat, and that they should be made Cardinals without going to Rome, for preaching the truth; like Iohn Baptist, who for bringing the truth to Herods Court, left his head behind him) yet it was neuer halfe so dangerous as at this day. And though flatterers, who are naturally caried with a hellish hatred against such as reproue and censure sinne, swarme in greater multitudes then euer they did; and though the number of such as dare not speake the truth (for feare of hard measure, losse of goods, or future hopes) be as great as euer it was: notwithstanding vices are better detected and more sharply censured by preaching and writing, then they were in the dayes of our forefathers; which as it serues to aggrauate our sinnes the more, so it will make vs culpable of greater damnation when we shall giue vp our account at the generall audite.

Touching the last point which I propounded to intreate of in this Chapter (to wit, that God punisheth sin more seuerely at this day then he did in former time) because it deserues a larger discourse, I will here onely adde this one thing, that he which hath no sense nor feeling thereof, is neither French-man, Italian, Spaniard, nor Germaine, but in the shape of a man, a very beast.

CHAP. X. How that the foresaid Preachers haue left sundry vices vntouched and vncensured.

[Page]

BEfore I make a comparatiue estimate of the leudnesse of former times with the loosenesse of our owne, it will not be amisse to consider whether the foresaid Preachers (whose testimonies I haue alledged) haue omitted any particular, through obliuion, or otherwise. First then albeit Oliuer Maillard and Menot (his punay) say little or nothing of incests, sodomies, and other prodigious vices, as murthering of father and mother, of wiues murthering their husbands, and husbands their wiues, parents their children, one brother another, and one kinsman another; we may not therefore thinke but that those times were stained with these sinnes: or (to speake more properly) that such infection which had continued festering so long, did then cease. I say which had continued so long, considering what we reade, not only in prophane Antiquitie, but especially in the Sacred history, of these and the like vices. For it fareth not with God as it did with the law-giuer Solon, who being told that he had not prescribed what punishment should be inflicted vpon parricides (there being then a malefactor taken who had murthered his father,) answered, he could not enact a law for the punishment of such a fact, as he could not imagine any man wold so much forget himself as once to cōmit. The case I say is farre otherwise with this great law-giuer, who seeth the most secret and hidden thoughts of mens hearts, and the motions of their minds more clearly then we see the feature of their faces. Neither may we thinke that any age hath bene free from such prodigious vices, but that they were euer extraordinary in respect of other sinnes, as also more rare in some countries and ages then in others. And I here protest, it much misliketh me to enter discourse of such an argument. But as he who vndertakes to extoll the prowesse of Achilles aboue that of Hector or Aiax, is not to omit any of their heroicall exploits if he would haue Achilles more renowned and extolled to the skies: so considering the end of this discourse is to shew that the viciousnesse of our time is a perfect patterne thereof, being compared with that of the age last past (which notwithstanding surpasseth I suppose all former generations) I should not escape the sharpe censure of iust reprehension, if I should discharge one of these ages of some vices, the more to loade the other: or if I should go about to keepe the credite of the one entire and inuiolable, by cracking the credite of the other. For as for the rest, I grant that though it was the will of God such prodigious sinnes should be recorded in holy Scripture; yet it is so much the better, by how much we speake or thinke the lesse thereof. And as for sodomie, I am easily drawne to beleeue, that the former Preachers were very sparing in speaking thereof, lest they should open a gap to mens curiositie which is naturally exorbitant in this kind. The more knaues are the Priests, who in their auricular confession (as they call it) stir the minds and awake the spirits of their confessionists by their interrogatories, occasioning them to muse vpon such matters, and to feed their fancies with such facts, as otherwise they would neuer haue dreamed of. For mine owne part I confesse, that for this very reason I haue had much ado to perswade my selfe, that swinish Sodomites and beastly buggerers should be executed publikely. True it is, sundry weightie reasons may be alledged on both sides: but I hold me to that which I see practised in well ordered cities. Furthermore, [Page] the reason which moues me to thinke that sodomie was not then (in all probabilitie) so common as at this day, is, for that there was not such resort into those countreys where it is made a trade and occupation as at this present. For proofe hereof if we consider who those French-men be that giue themselues to such horrible and hellish sinnes, we shall find that most of them haue bene in Italie or Turkie, or (not to go out of France to seeke them) haue frequented their companie, at leastwise haue familiarly conuersed with their schollers. For albeit Athenaeus tell vs in his thirteenth booke (which I remember I haue read elsewhere vnder the name of Hermippus) that the Celtes in his time, notwithstanding they had fairer women then other Barbarians, were addicted to this sinne: yet (God be thanked) before we could speake so good Italian in France, there was (almost) no speech of this villanie, as I haue heard of diuers old folkes. And verily it is more pardonable in Italians then in French-men (if pardonable in any,) seeing that they (who for the most part call it but peccatillo) are nearer their sanctities who do not onely giue a licence for it by way of permission, but a president also by way of example, as hereafter shall be shewed. Notwithstanding the words wherewith we expresse such diuellish and damnable dealing, being borowed from the Italian tongue, are a pregnant proofe that France learned all the villanie it hath of them, though it were hard to say from what particular place. For this is a common song in Italie, currant in euery mans mouth:

Siena si vanta di quatro cose,

Di torri, & di campane,

Di bardasse, & di puttane.

Or thus,

Siena di quatro cose e piena,

Di torri, &c.

That is,

For these foure things Siena lookes so hie,

For towers, for bels, for whores, for buggerie.

But Maister Pasquin sheweth plainely in sundry of his Satyres, that notwithstanding that prouerb, Rome in regard of the third particular ought to go before Siena, as where he saith, ‘Sed Romae puero non licet esse mihi.’ And were it but onely for the reason I haue now alledged, he cannot endure (and surely not without cause) that Rome should be depriued of this honour.

Touching incests, Italie (no doubt) will affoord vs better store of examples then any other countrey; whether we speake of this age, or of that of the former preachers: which we shall the better perceiue, if we shall consider the diuellish prouerb which is there so common of fathers who haue mariageable daughters. But if I haue well obserued, there are more incests committed by Lords or men of note, then by meaner persons: which puts me in mind of that which is recorded by Pontanus, how that Sigismondus Malatesta Lord of Romagniola, had a child by his own daughter. True it is that other prodigious villanies committed by the same man (if he may be called a man) and registred by the foresaid author, will make vs lesse to wonder hereat. For he reporteth how that he would haue abused his owne son Robert, and that he had made a buggering boy of him, if he had not drawne his dagger at him, and so escaped. As also how that being desirous to haue his pleasure of a vertuous Germaine Ladie that trauelled through his countrey to Rome, and perceiuing that he could not work her to his will, he cut her throate, and afterward [Page] satisfied his lust. What can a man now find in Herodotus, I say not incredible, but hard to be beleeued? But it shall not be amisse to pause here a little, and to listen to that which Pontanus addeth after the narration of the incest committed by this wicked wretch. For he alledgeth two examples well worthy the noting, of a certaine naturall honestie which is to be found euen among beasts, which condemneth such prodigious practises among men. The first is of a little bitch he had, which would neuer suffer her whelp to line her. Nunquam (saith he) passa est mater à filio suo iniri, & quamuis meis à pueris comprehensa teneretur, nihilominus ea mordicus pueros à se reiecit, & in filium illata, illum dentibus malè habuit. The second is more strange; of a Mare that would not suffer her colt to couer her; but hauing bene at the last couered by him (being disguised with a skinne of another colour, & by other deuises,) after she once perceiued it, forsook her meate for very griefe, and died shortly after: which (as he saith) was told him by one Iohn Vingtmille an Italian Marquesse, whose the Mare and colt were. These be the two examples alledged by Pontanus, a man of so great credite, that I did not sticke to relate them vpon his word, albeit I am not ignorant they should be accounted of many but fond and fabulous: which (it seemeth) himselfe foresaw, and therefore vseth this preface in the narration of the first example, Referam quae ego ipse ex aduerso & vidi, & testor, & persancte etiam iuro: and for the second, he alledgeth his author of whom he heard it. But seeing that incests are extraordinary sinnes, why should we not think that God would oppose the extraordinary honesty which is to be found in certaine bruite beasts, to such villanie practised by men, to condemne the reasonable creatures by the vnreasonable? Neuerthelesse I report my selfe to the thing as it is, especially considering the French prouerbe doth not account him a good dog that keepeth his kind. There is yet another kind of incest, according to those who haue bene of opinion, and are euen at this day, that Nunnes are holier then other women: and verily it may seeme, that sith they keepe the same place the Vestal virgins did in old time (in the iudgment of such as call them by no other name in Latin but Vestales) we should call the whoredome committed with them, incest; and that he which defloureth them after they haue once vowed virginitie to God (or to such or such a Saint) were a sacrilegious person; I grant the one, but not the other. I grant (I say) that forasmuch as this doughtie deuotion is borowed from the heathen, the word incest, whereby they were wont to expresse such a slippery tricke committed with a holy Nunne, may be kept, and that (to speake as heathen do) it may be called incest: but I denie that he that defileth a Nunne is a sacrilegious person, to speake as Christians do. For hereupon it would follow, that such virginitie should be a holy consecrated thing; and to the end it might be holy and consecrate, necessary it is, that either God or the Saint to whom it was vowed, consecrated or dedicated, should declare by solemne couenant and stipulation that he did accept thereof: But how can they accept of that at the hands of a Nunne, which she cannot giue? Or what reason is there she should offer that, to which she hath no right? And if continencie be a speciall gift of God, how can any votary vow perpetuall virginitie either to God or the Saints, without a warrant from him so to do? To conclude then, certaine it is that he that knoweth such a vow of virginitie and single life to be but an abuse, and consequently that a Nun is no more holy then another woman, if he defloure her, he committeth neither sacriledge nor incest: whereas being otherwise perswaded he committeth both, in regard of conscience. And therefore the tyrant Dionysius was a sacrilegious person for robbing and spoiling of his Idols; which he was bound (according to his religion) [Page] to haue holden for gods; whereas one of another religion holding them to be but Idols, should haue bene but a simple thiefe. And doubtlesse the folly which is committed with a Nunne, after she hath once lost her virginitie, because that of holy (according to her religion) she is made profane, is neither incest nor sacriledge in regard of either partie. Another difficultie remaines to be discussed, viz. whether a holy Monke hauing defloured a holy Nunne, ought to be accused therof or not? But leauing the deciding of this question to the next Councell, I will onely adde this one thing, that our kind Catholickes are not (it seemes) of this opinion, considering what small conscience they make hereof. The like I may say of those who were wont to lodge Nuns neare vnto Monkes, that (as good fellows speake) the barne might be neare the thrashers. How euer it be, it appeareth plainly by that which hath bene alledged out of Pontanus, that Nunneries were little better then stewes in the time of the former Preachers.

Touching the sinne against nature (of which I speake remembring my former protestation) we haue examples euen of those times. For the foresaid Pontanus writeth of a Brittan who had the companie of an Asse, whilest the French King Charles the eight held Naples.

It were also easie to alledge moderne examples of wiues murthering their husbands, and husbands ther wiues: as also of brethren and nearest kinsmen embrewing their hands in one anothers bloud: and of children murthering their parents, and parents their children, though this be more rare then the former. When husbands murther their wiues, or wiues their husbands, they do it (for the most part) of spite or rather rage and madnesse caused by breach of wedlocke. For as histories make mention of diuers men who at the very instant, and in ipso facto (as we say) haue taken reuenge of their wiues who had played false with them: So they make report of women, who for the same reason haue wreaked their malice vpon their husbands, some by poison, others by other meanes; as we reade in Baptista Fulgosius, of a woman neare to Narbonne who in the night cut off her husbands priuities because he had defiled the marriage bed. Notwithstanding the occasion of some murthers proceeds from both parties, desiring to enioy their vnlawfull lusts with greater libertie. The cause of fratricide, or murthers committed by one brother vpon another, arise for the most part from hence, in that they cannot agree whether of them should remaine absolute Lord; and so are enforced to decide their right by dint of sword, whereof we haue very auncient examples in the two Theban brethren, Eteocles and Polynices, in Rhemus and Romulus, in Artaxerxes and Cyrus: and in the age last past (wherewith I compare the present) there was such hot bickering at Tunis in Africa betweene two brethren for the crowne, that they did not only kill one another in the quarrel, but also massacred their children and ofspring, as Pontanus testifieth. But histories affoord vs moe examples of such as haue murthered their brethren vpon light occasions, by treason or otherwise, when once they had them on the hip, especially of Italians, as Volaterran reporteth of Anthonie C [...]signore, who slue Bartholmew his brother, to the end he might enioy the Dukedome of Verona, which was deuided betweene them by their fathers will. In like manner how one Pinus Ordelaphus vpon the like occasion slue his brother Francis, and banished his children. As also how Francis and Lewis sonne of Guido Gonzagua Duke of Mantua slue their brother Vgolin (pretending to make good cheare at a supper, to which they had inuited him) because their father had left him sole heire of the Dukedome. Moreouer we reade of one Perinus Fregosa Duke of Genoua, who slue his brother Nicholas, hauing him in iealousie [Page] that he aspired to the Dukedome. In like sort Lewis Marie put Galeace his brothers sonne to death, to the end he might the more quietly enioy the Dukedome of Millaine.

Touching murthering of parents (properly called parricide, though the signification of the word be somewhat more large) we find in auncient histories that it was more ordinary with Kings, Princes, and great Lords, then with meaner men: and so it continues euen to this day. For the Emperour Fredericke the third was slaine by his owne sonne Manfred (his base sonne as some affirme) at leastwise he was the plotter and procurer of his death. And one Frisque murthered his father the duke of Ferrara, to the end he might come to the Dukedome, as indeed he did, though he enioyed it not long; for his subiects shortly after, executing Gods iust iudgement vpon him, cut his throate. And doubtlesse the age last part can neuer wash it hands of this wickednesse, albeit I produce no examples for confirmation hereof, hastening to end such discourses as should not onely be offensiue to Christian eares, but also make their very haires stand vpright on their heads. What say I Christians? Nay the very heathen also; yea the most barbarous and sauage among them.

CHAP. XI. That the notorious and incredible leudnesse of these times doth iustifie that which hath bene spoken of the wickednesse and impietie of the Age last past.

ALbeit there go strange reports of the hainous and horrible sinnes which raigned in the former Age; yet if we shall but a little consider the course of the world, and listen to the common complaints, we shall find (would to God it were not so) far fouler facts, which will not onely induce vs to subscribe to the truth of that report, but further to confesse that the sinnes of those times were but sugar (as it is in the French prouerbe) in comparison of the villanies of these wherein we liue. I haue heretofore giuen a reason why sinne like a riuer, the further it goes, the greater it growes, and still increaseth till it come to be a great sea. But we may giue one more speciall touching these times. For besides that we haue trod in the steps of our ancestors, and followed their examples, as well in the carefull keeping of the vices whereof they left vs their heires and successors, as in improuing the old and purchasing of the new by our good husbandry, we haue further increased the number of them by our trafficke and commerce with other countries, a thing more common at this day then euer it was in former times; to whom an hundred miles seemed longer then fiue hundred to vs: and for one that was curious to know the fashions of forreine countries, there are now a dayes ten, whom this gadding humour of rouing and ranging abroad, and coasting countries, carieth away; causing them to giue a farewell to their friends, and to forsake their dearest countrey, kinsmen and acquaintance. But what fruite reape they by such trauell? at leastwise what do the most reape? It was Horace his old song, ‘Coelum non animum mutant, qui trans mare currunt.’ That is,

They change the aire that seas do passe,

But mind remaines the same that was.

[Page] But if in crossing the sea they haply change their mind, it is but as the weathercocke doth with the wind; for they are so farre from being bettered by their trauell, that they are made much worse, mending their manners no otherwise then sower Ale doth in sommer. The reason whereof is mans inbred corruption, which hath an attractiue facultie to draw vice vnto it, as Amber doth a straw, or the loadstone iron. Whence it is, that as ill weed (according to the old prouerbe) growes with speed: so vice hath his continuall (though insensible) growth in vs, and not vertue. Which the auncient Poet Hesiod seemeth to insinuate, when he saith, that Dame Wickednesse is easie to be found, as dwelling neare vnto vs; whereas Lady Vertue is inaccessible, and not to be spoken with, without great labour and paine, in that the way vnto her house and honour is not onely long and tedious, but also steepe and cragged. And haue we not dayly experience hereof in the most of our great trauellers? What shall we say of our Rome-rouers among the rest? Verily the old prouerbe hath long since concluded them in Bocardo:

Iamais ni cheual, ni homme

N'amenda d'aller à Romme.

That is,

Nor horse, nor man, ere turned home,

Ought betterd by the sight of Rome.

Which though it be spoken of Rome in particular, yet it may well be vnderstood of other countries also, seeing there is not one traueller among twentie (especially of the yonger sort) who returneth home againe, no not from his Holinesse or the holy land, but seemes to haue frequented the diuels rather then the diuinitie schooles. And as Italie is the onely country in the world, so Rome is the onely citie wherein an Abel may learne to becom a Cain, where a lambe may be transformed into a Lion, and a man into a monster. And yet notwithstanding it is accounted a greater grace to a man to haue bene student in such a schoole, then it was in times past to haue bene trained vp in Athens, stored with so many learned Philosophers. Nay, the more a French-man is Romanized or Italianized, the sooner he shall be promoted by great Lords, as hauing bestowed his time well, and as being a man fit for employment by meanes of the temper and mixture of two seuerall dispositions. As though a Frenchman taken in his pure naturals were not bad enough to be employed in their sweete dealings, except he haue learned the tricke of the Italian trade.

Now that men in these dayes must needs exceed their auncestors in wickednesse, may hence appeare, in that they are bound prentises to the trade, and practise it sooner. And whence comes this, but partly from hence, in that youth is set at libertie, and haue the reine laid in their neckes to runne at randon at their pleasure, before they come to be of age; and partly for that Iuuenals rule was neuer worse kept:

Maxima debetur puero reuerentia, si quid,

Turpe paras.—

And it is the common complaint of old men almost in all places, that yong children who cannot speake readily, can sweare roundly, and rap out oathes thick and threefold, in such sort, that men of yeares in time past were not able to vie with them. And therefore we are not so much to wonder to heare some of all sorts, as tailers and tinkers, carters and coblers, and the rest of the rascalitie, sweare, blaspheme, and renounce God (according to the French prouerbe, Apertient il à vn vilain de renier Dieu?) as some of all ages, as well yong as old. And yet it makes [Page] old folkes wonder, and that not a little, to see yong children who are scarce crept out of their cradles, to be sent to schoole, and to haue some smacke of learning: whereupon they iudge vs more fortunate then themselues, in that scholers at this day leaue the schoole almost at the same age that they were wont to be sent thither in time past. Whence they are induced to beleeue, that children are far more ripe and pregnant now then they were in their yonger yeares. But all things duly considered, it will appeare that that which should be a helpe and furtherance to the greatest part of youth, is a let and hinderance vnto them. I grant indeed that children at this day can conceiue more at six or seuen yeares of age (as experience shewes) then they could in old time at nine or ten: which is not to be ascribed to the quicknesse of their wit in vnderstanding, but to the more easie and facile method of teaching; whence it is, that they profit more in one yeare, then our auncestors did in two. But pittie it is to see many, who hauing discontinued but three or foure dayes from schoole, haue need to returne to their horne-booke againe: so that as they are more happie and fortunate then their auncestors in learning quickly; so are they more vnfortunate in forgetting it as fast. The reason wherof is, for that they giue ouer the schoole before they come to strength of memory, capacitie and iudgement.

But this is farre worse (for it redounds to the great contempt and derision of learning) in that many send not their children to schoole to learne, but onely to sharpen their wits and to quicken their spirits, by meanes of continuall companie (youths being as it were a whetstone to sharpen one another:) and in a word to let them like vntamed colts, haue a little more scope and libertie to runne at large, and to giue them the first fleshing in wickednes; which some call liuelinesse, others finenesse and featnesse, or gallantnesse, or pleasantnesse, or sharpnesse of wit, or ciuilitie, &c. For many now a dayes send their children to schoole only till such time as they be fit to be made pages, where they are sure to lose that little learning they had formerly gotten, if haply they had any beaten into their heads: being (in the meane time) so farre from loosing their first seasoning, that they adde thereto a second and a third. Some send their children to schoole to learne three or foure words of Latin, till they be of yeares to trauell into Italy, where like restie colts they may be broken, and like haggar hawkes learned to the lure, and absolutely accomplished in courtlike complements. Howbeit some gentlemen send not their sons into Italy to learne fashions and gallant behauiour onely, proper to the countrey; but in hope that when they are weary with visiting curtizans, they will find some spare time to visite Bartol. And I perswade my selfe that he who writing to his sonne at Padua, superscribed his letter (for feare he should belie him) studenti Patauij, aut studendi causa misso, mistrusted some such dealing, though it grieued him (poore man) not a little. Howbeit it were a wonder if one almost among twentie, returning home from trauel, should remember any other lawes then such as begin with La signora Lucretia, La signora Angela, La signora Camilla, or the like. Though I am not ignorant that in old time also (as Menot witnesseth) our yong gallants left Bartol bawling in his chaire, and went to the dancing schoole, and to court Ladies. But not to speake how those which trauell into Italy are in danger to be infected with farre worse vices (as dayly experience shewes) this mischiefe also followes in the necke of it, that they are not onely restrained by the feare of God, but also by the feare of man, as being in forreine and farre remote countries out of their sight who might controle them. For I remember that whilest Odet de Selue was Embassadour for the French King at Venice (about thirteene yeares ago) [Page] there was a yong gentleman some fourteene or fifteen yeares of age, sent into Italy by his father (then Counseller of the high Court of Parliament at Paris) vnder the tuition of his old Tutor: who at his departure from his fathers house, was of as meeke, gentle and tractable a disposition as could be wished: but after he had continued certaine dayes at Venice, and some few of Padua, he grew so stubburne and stout, that whereas his Tutor was wont to hold a high hand ouer him, and to keepe him short, he was then glad not onely to let loose the reines to his head-strong affections, but euen to lay the bridle in his necke, and suffer him to runne at large, and become a Tutor to himselfe. To wind vp all in a word, certaine it is, that whether it be for the reasons formerly alledged, or for some other, the impietie of these times farre surpasseth all former ages: being growne to that height within these fiue and twentie yeares, that men make no bones to commit that, which they would then haue loathed once to haue spoken, or entertained in their secretest thoughts. As for the vices wherewith our ancestors were infected, there is as great difference betweene their dissolutenesse and ours, as betweene those who are displeased with themselues for their slips and sinnes of infirmitie, and such [...]s glorie in their wickednesse. For what should we say of this age, when yong Princes and noble mens sonnes haue tutors and instructors for blasphemies and worse matters which for shame I cannot name? But this shall suffice to haue spoken in generall: I will now descend vnto particulars.

And here some may haply demaund, what benefite a man may reape by such a discourse? To which I answer, that the benefit is greater then we may perchance imagine, if we consider that God layes a more heauie hand vpon vs now, then he did in former time (as shall be declared hereafter in a seuerall Chapter) that we remembring his boundlesse mercie in the midst of his iust iudgements, might the more be moued to repentance. For here we shall perceiue (if we will not sooth and flatter our selues) that for one plague and punishment inflicted vpon vs, we deserue an hundred: and that whereas he correcteth vs but with rods of men, he might shiuer vs in peeces with his rod of Iron. Besides, we are to hold this as a most vndoubted truth, that it is not without cause that so many fearfull examples and prodigious sins euen of the Saints are registred in holy Scripture. For whence do we learne the frowardnesse and corruption of our nature, or the sleights of Satan, and his implacable hatred against mankind, or how he lies in ambush for vs at euery corner, and watcheth vs at euery turne, but by such accidents as haue befalne them who without all hope of recouery haue intangled themselues in his snares? And whence can we better know in what need we stand of all Gods helping hand, then by the dayly dangers wherewith we are beset on euery side, being so many warning peeces to admonish vs to stand vpon our guard? And seeing we cannot be ignorant, that all our helpe commeth onely from aboue, and that there is none safely guarded but he that is guarded by the heauenly guard of Gods holy Angels, euery rumour and report of such hainous and horrible crimes▪ should be so many alarmes (as it were) to rouse vs from our securitie, and to stirre vs vp to recommend our selues more earnestly into his hands, and to plie him more effectually by humble and heartie prayer, that he would not leaue vs to our selues, nor let loose the reines to our vnruly and disordered affections, but bridle and keep them in compasse, and euer take vs into his holy protection: like little children, who the more they are afraid, the more carefully they hide themselues, and the further they creepe into their mothers lap. For if seeing a man that hath any bodily blemish or imperfection, we haue iust cause offered vs to lift vp our hearts by thankfulnesse [Page] vnto God for preseruing vs from the like, and to acknowledge withall that we are liable to as great, if not greater dangers. How much more when we see any that hath foully forgotten himselfe, and fallen into any fearfull sinne, to giue him thankes for keeping vs from falling into the like: and withall to acknowledge that we are made of the same mould, and that we haue no pattent to be exempted from such dangers, but so long as it shall please him to assist vs by his grace, and keepe vs in his holy feare, restraining the rage of the diuell our deadly enemie; that though he assaile vs, yet he may not preuaile against vs. Now then if this present discourse shew euidently that this deadly enemy of mankind hath doubled his forces in these latter dayes, ought it not stirre vs vp to greater vigilancie and watchfulnesse ouer our hearts and liues, to stand vpon our guard, and to arme our selues at all points with the complete armour of the Spirit? Vice (we know) was euer punished in all ages and religions. But where the heathen respected onely exemplary punishment, in doing open execution vpon malefactors, that others might heare and feare, and deale no more presumptuously: Christians haue gone a step further, and haue had a deeper insight thereinto, viz. that those that would not be kept in compasse by the feare of God, should be kept in order and awe by the feare of man; I meane by feare of punishment which the law hath appointed to be inflicted vpon them according to the nature and qualitie of their offence. For the heathen Poet said long ago,

Odérunt peccare boni virtutis amore,

Odérunt peccare mali formidine poena.

That is,

The good for vertues loue from ill refraine,

The ill refraine from ill for feare of paine.

Whereunto Christians also accord, saue that they deliuer it in other termes, when they say, that the reason why the godly do not powre themselues forth into pleasure, and let loose the reines to their lusts, is because they haue the feare of God continually before their eyes. Feare (I say) proceeding from a loue truly filiall, and no way seruile; as the good child feareth to offend his father for the loue he beareth him. Moreouer, this benefite we may reape by this discourse, that it will serue vs in stead of a monitor, to giue vs warning of those many sleights and deceits so common and rife in the world.

CHAP. XII. Wherein is declared by how much Whoredome is greater, and more notorious at this day, then euer it was.

TO begin then where formerly I began (yet not tying my selfe precisely to the same method) we heare how mightily Menot exclaimeth against whoredome committed in his time. But if he were now liuing, neither his exclamations, nor the out-cries of his fellowes (though made with open mouth) would be sufficient. For since it was notoriously knowne, that the place where the Popes Holinesse makes his abode, is the chiefe harbour and hospitall for whores (I should haue said Curtizans) of all countries: he that kept a whore before with some remorse of conscience, thought he should then surely do a meritorious worke, if he entertained one; [Page] and that if he kept many, he should performe workes of supererogation: so that many began to keepe whole droues of whores, as of horses. In a word, the new and strange punishments inflicted vpon men for such filthinesse, may sufficiently shew how that since that time, the most haue euen plunged themselues ouer head and eares into this pit of whoredome. For as Phisitians vse new and desperate remedies, for desperate and incurable diseases: so God hath sent these displeing dames, the French-poxe and the Knaue-bald disease, and all their traine, as a iust punishment vpon the Age wilfully giuen ouer to all wantonnesse and villanie, without hope of recouery, to execute his iust iudgments. The which doth better discouer the surpassing wickednesse of these times: for as wicked children are hardened by the rod; so men are now so hardened against these diseases, which not long since were held so prodigious, that a man would haue thought euen wild and sauage beasts would haue bene tamed therby; that in stead of standing in feare of them, they euen seeke them out, and dare them in their dens. Albeit we daily see the most frolicke youthes and brauest gallants soonest rot away by peece-meale; and many a Captaine who hath bene another Roland in sundry battels, at length to giue vp his last breath in their pawes, hauing long encountered them with many potions: and yet for all this in diuers companies, he is accounted but a dastard, a milk-sop, and a white liuerd souldier that hath not trauelled fiue or sixe times into Sweatland, till he haue bene in danger to leaue his skin behind him. To conclude, men are now so hardened with stripes, and do so eagerly pursue their pleasures in a brutish kind of sensualitie, that they are nothing afraid of the French poxe which hath bene in former times, but onely of the quintessence of the pockes, which is said to haue begun within these few yeares. Indeed, I well remember, I was once at Padua at Michaël Falopp [...]o's lecture, where he promised to shew his schollers the next day, how they might haue their bellies full of whoredome and lecherie, without any feare of Madame the French pockes, or any of her traine.

2 But if we compare this age with the age last past, we shall (no doubt) find that in those times, onely simple fornication and adultery were knowne and talked of; such (I meane) as were not incestuous: and that men made as great conscience to defloure a Nun, as the heathen did to defloure a Vestall virgin, putting as great difference betweene the defiling of Vestals and other virgins, as between simple theft and sacriledge: whereas now euen those who account of Nunnes as the heathen did of their Vestals, and thinke it incest to defloure them, cease not to make common stewes of Nunneries. Touching the second kind of incest which Popish superstition suffered not to be accounted incest (albeit Gods word hath condemned it) who seeth not how common it is growne? Is there not an Italian prouerbe which maketh but a ieast at the incest of the father with his affianced daughter? Whereof I will giue examples when I come to speake of Cleargie-men: and will here onely adde this one thing, how that some in these dayes haue committed strange incests, and almost incredible. We reade in the Queene of N [...]rres narrations of one who lying with his mother (thinking he had laine [...] gentlewoman) had a child by her, which was his sister and daughter, and afterwards his wife; and so from one simple incest fell into two other, though as ignorant thereof as he was of the former: which happened through his mothers default, presuming too much of her constancie; for she not crediting her gentlewomans report, that her sonne did intice and sollicite her to folly▪ to the end she might know the truth, went at the time appointed in her roome▪ where in stead of preuenting a lesse euil, by this meanes, she kept her roome so well (not making her selfe knowne) that she [Page] caused her sonne to fall into that so horrible and detestable a sinne: who afterwards (not knowing nor once suspecting any such thing) married her whom he had begotten in such incest. But to omit incests committed of ignorance, we dayly heare of others no lesse abominable, committed of set purpose, and that not by Clergy-men onely (as shall be shewed hereafter) but by Lay men also. Nay, great mens houses (though otherwise honorable) are generally stained with incestuous mariages. Further, what shall we say to those of our time, who to go beyond their predecessors in all villanie, are come to this passe, to keepe schooles of whoredom, and by lasciuious pictures (printed euen at Rome) to reade men a lecture, teaching them (as it were) by ocular demonstration? If the very heathen did detest and abhorre that villaine Elephantis for such pictures, what shal we say of our age, wherein men professing themselues Christians, haue taken pleasure in such abhominations?

3 As for such as sold their daughters in former time, what strange thing did they in cōparison of those who at this day sel not onely their daughters, but themselues also? And what shall we say of those wittals, who lend, or pawne, or sell their wiues for ready mony? Verily such women are greatly to be pitted: but some of them (I warrant you) know well enough how to crie quittance with their husbands: as she did who was lent to a yong Cardinall at the Councel of Trent. For though at the first she was as nice as a Nunnes hen, and needed great intreatie to pleasure this yong Prelate; saying, it went against her conscience to impart that vnto him, which of right was due to none but to her husband: yet her kind heart being perswaded, at the last she gaue her consent, and found such comfort in this Prelates first visitation, that the next morning she brought her husband the money which was promised him; saying, Here is the mony which was promised you for the lone of me, but assure your selfe it is a plaine and simple sale, therefore you may do wel to prouide your selfe of another wife; for whereas you would but lend me, I had rather be sold outright, that I may not change so often: and so it was concluded. Now as there are some women, whose case is to be pittied: so on the other side it is great pitie to see some wittals weare hornes to their great griefe, and yet dare not for their eares complaine to those that might redresse it. For what haue the most of them gottē, who haue so long sued to be diuorced from their adulterous wiues, but to be flouted, laughed to scorne, and pointed at euen by little children, who could say that such & such caused thēselues to be canonized for cuckolds. Indeed I remēber that a man of worth, after a tedious & importunate sute, was diuorced frō his light huswife: but by this means she had that which she desired, for she was put into a monastery, where in stead of punishment, she had oportunitie to follow her occupation with greater libertie. I haue also heard of one, who complaining of the wrong which his wife offered him, receiued this answer: Why sir, would you be more priuiledged then such a great Lord, a man of such valour, who knowes full well that his wife makes him cuckold, as well when he is in the Court present with her, as when he is in the country absent from her, and yet dare not speake a word for feare of cracking his credit? Thus we see how long custome in sin hath so bereft many at this day of all sense of ciuill honestie, that they make but a ieast at that, which their ancestors counted the greatest crosse and corrasiue in the world: I say their auncestors, including the heathen as well as Christians. For the Grecians and Romans (we know) punished adultery most seuerely, following the law of God therein. But not to seeke farre backe nor farre off for examples, we may iudge by that which befell the high Stuards wife of Normandie (in the raigne of king Lewis [Page] the eleuenth) whether at that time they made but a ieast of adultery, as they do at this day. For he hauing taken his Ladie vpon the sodaine playing the whore with his steward, first slue the adulterer before her face, and after put her to the sword likewise (notwithstanding their children which she held in her armes:) and yet was neuer troubled by the King, nor called coram for the matter, albeit she was descended of a noble house, and of the bloud royall, as some affirme. Would not such a fact seeme strange at this day? No doubt it would, considering that the world is cleane changed from that it was in former time, and (as it were) turned vp side downe. For they are now growne to this height of impudencie, to make wanton songs of purpose to embolden and flesh Venus white liuerd souldiers, to violate their faith plight to their husbands; one of which beginneth thus:

Ne void on pas les hommes

Faire vertu d'aimer?

Et sottes que nous sommes,

Nous le voulons blasmer.

Ce que leur est louable,

Nous tourne à deshonneur,

Et faute inexcusable.

O dure loy d'honneur.

Pourquoy nature sage, &c.

That is,

See we not men so honour wanton loue

With vertues stile, which we fond fooles reproue?

That which in them deserues so faire a name,

To vs why should it turne to mickle blame?

Hard law of honour, why did nature sage? &c.

This song likewise (which was common in euery mans mouth at the Court) was made vpon a Vandeuille, beginning thus:

Ne void on pas les hommes se iouer ça & là?

Et sottes que nous sommes, n'osons faire cela.

That is,

How do our gallants swagger to and fro?

But fooles that we are, we dare not do so.

And there was another in as great request: the argument whereof was the licencious libertie and impunitie of adulterie, a sinne so rife at this day: one straine of the song is this:

Ami cocu, veux-tu que ie te die,

Si tu m'en crois, ne di ta maladie.

Car si ta femme vn coup est descouuerte,

Elle voudra le faire à porte ouuerte.

Estre cocu n'est pas mauuaise chose,

Si autre mal on ne luy presuppose.

That is,

Cuckold my friend, if thou wilt me belieue,

Neuer expresse the thing that gars thee grieue.

For if thy wife be knowne once for a whore,

She then will iade thee at thine open doore.

It matters not so much to weare an horne,

And if it might be free from others scorne.

[Page] The conclusion of the song is this:

Ou si tu crois cocu estre vne tache,

Garde toi bien au moins qu'on ne le sache.

Le remede est à qui les cornes porte,

De les planter ailleurs de mesme sorte.

That is,

If hornes thou deemst a blemish to thy brow,

See well that neuer man thy sorrow know.

Hornes haue no cure, but when thy selfe is sped,

To plant thy hornes vpon anothers head,

I am not ignorant that this sweet song was made in imitation of Ouid; but the question is, whether he being a prophane Pagan, be a sufficient warrant for Christians to oppose such notorious vile villanies to Gods holy commaundements? And which is yet more, he was then accounted no body that could not sing this song; whereas if a man had sung the ten commandements, or one of Dauids Psalmes, they would haue sung him a song of frying a fagot, and committed him to the Lords of the burning chamber. My selfe being in the Court, had mine eares often beaten with a like song coming out of some such shop, in which mention is made of a certaine Ladie, who perceiuing her selfe to wrinkle and waxe old, greatly lamented her former course of life, viz. that she had bene honest, and kept touch with her husband: the song beginneth thus: ‘Ie plain le temps de mon florissant aage, &c.’ That is, ‘I waile the time of my once flouring age, &c.’ Thus thou seest (gentle Reader) how they incite women to wantonnesse and dalliance, as if they were slacke and backward of themselues, when they are intreated to play such pageants: those I meane especially who are brought vp in all idlenesse, delicacie and wantonnesse; for whose good, these songs (containing such goodly instructions) were purposely made. I omit other triuiall songs, many prouerbes, as also sundry wanton and effeminate speeches and gestures, which aime at nothing else but the corrupting of maids and matrons. For (to wind vp all in a word) there is no deuice so diuelish or damnable, but hath bene found out in these daies, to make vices vertues: which I vnderstand especially of whoredome. And to the end they might throughly corrupt vs, they haue erected Priapus his images againe with all their traine, in their pleasant gardens; witnesse that of Saint Germain des Prez at Paris, so finely trimmed by an Italian who was owner therof, and who kept a brothell house in it for all commers. What remaines there then to make the vices of this Age so superlatiue, but that it may out-strip and go beyond not onely the age last past, but all others since the world began? Verily nothing but the modest pictures of Philaenis and Elephantis. But hath not Italy (I speake it with griefe) furnished vs with as bad, or rather with worse then they? Yea, and with some such as were not heard of before: wherin that is liuely presented to the eye, which whosoeuer hath but a sparke of the feare of God in his heart, cannot so much as name with our horror. So that we may wel say, Venimus ad summū: and yet all too little to set forth the exceeding great wickednes, & supersuperlatiue knauery of these times in this particular. For who of all the heathen are more lasciuious, more loosly licencious and dissolute in speech, or (in a word) more deadly enemies to chastity, then the Poets, especially the Latin Elegiacks? And yet Propertius a captain among them cōplaines of the like wickednes (though not altogether so notorious) whē he saith:

[Page]

Quae manus obscoenas depinxit prima tabellas,

Et posuit casta turpia visa domo,

Illa puellarum ingenuos corrupit ocellos,

Nequitiae (que) suae noluit esse rudes.

Ah gemat in terris ista qui protulit arte,

Iurgia sub tacita condita laetitia.

Non istis olim variabant tecta figuris,

Quum paries nullo crimine pictus erat.

And as concerning the last distich, with what else I beseech you are walles painted at this day (being alwayes in the view of children, and those of the yonger sort, who are yet vnder the rod) saue with such pictures? Or with what pictures are halles and chambers garnished, saue with these? I had thought I had bin at an end, but I perceiue I am yet to begin, in that sundry other offer themselues to my pen, which haue bene deuised (at leastwise practised) by Christians [...] these dayes. Notwithstanding I will content my selfe with one other, in comparison whereof these statues of Priapus erected in gardens and others, resembling those of Philanis and Elephantis, may seeme to be but toyes, not to be spoken of. It is a fine pageant which was playd at Bloys, when King Henrie the second made his entrance into that citie, in which they caused a company of whores (those especially whom the Italians call Sfaciate) to be stript naked, and to ride vpon oxen in this modest manner; making this goodly shew wheresoeuer these gallants which followed them (performing the office of pique-boeufs) thought good. Moreouer, we heare how Menot (poore soule) exclaimeth against certaine for making their baudie bargaines in Churches. But what would he say to those that commit whoredome in Chappels, taking all their Saints of both sexes there present for witnesses? Which wanton and wicked dealing, the Lord (no doubt) suffereth in iudgement, to the end that those places which haue bene so long time spirituall brothel houses for men to commit spirituall fornication in, should be also reall brothell houses, euen stewes and sties of sinne, where they might defile themselues by bodily pollution. And what would he say (trow we) of another profane practise, yet more strange, viz. of such as apply the holy Scripture, and sentences of the auncient Doctors to their baudy and beastly songs? as we see in these verses:

Sainct Augustin instruisant vne Dame,

Dit que l'amour est l'ame de nostre ame:

Et que la foy, tant soit constante & forte,

Sans ferme amour est inutile & morte.

Sainct Bernard fait vne longue homelie,

Où il benit tous les coeurs qu'amour lie.

Et sainct Ambroise en fait vne autre expresse,

Où il maudit ceux qui sont sans maistresse.

Et de Lyra là dessus nous reconte

Que qui plus aime, & plus haut au ciel monte.

Celui qui sçeut les secrets de son maistre,

Dit que l'aimant damné ne sauroit estre.

Et dit bien plus le Docteur Seraphique,

Que qui point n'aime, est pire qu'heretique.

Pource qu'amour est feu pur & celeste,

Qui ne craint point qu'autre feu le moleste.

[Page]Et c'est pour quoi (comme dit sainct Gregoire)

Vn aimant fait ici son Purgatoire.

That is,

Austine instructing a deuouter Dame,

Sayes, Loue the soule is of our liuing soule,

And faith how euer firme and resolute,

Withouten loue, all bootlesse is and dead.

And Bernard writes a longsome homily,

Blessing all hearts y bound with chaines of loue.

And Ambrose writes another not vnlike,

Censuring all that do a mistris want.

Whereon Lyranus in his learned glosse,

Sayes, more we loue, the nearer we aspir [...]

To heauens height. And he that in lie knew

His mistris secret thewes, could boldly say,

The man that loues, can neuer damned be.

And that Seraphique Doctor well defines

Who loues not's worse then an hereticke.

And for loue is a pure celestiall fire,

That cannot be by other fires annoyd:

Wisely concludeth hence Saint Gregorie,

That louers here do frie in Purgatorie.

The conclusion is this:

Nulle de nous ne soit donques si dure

Qu'elle resiste à la saincte Escriture:

Puis qu'on la void de ce propos remplie,

Que pour aimer, la Loi est accomplie.

That is,

Let non so hardie be to dare oppose

The sacred writ; whose euery page auowes

The law by loue fulfild.

See here the brazen faced impudencie of these miserable miscreants, thus shamefully prophaning the holy Scripture, in making it serue them as their bawd. A far fouler fact then that whereof Menot complaineth, when he exclaimeth against certaine letchers for making their baudie bargaines in Churches. It is true indeed (may some say) but it haply neuer came to their eares that had either wit in their heads to perceiue the impietie that lay masked vnder this vizard, or authoritie in their hands to punish those that sung it. To which I answer, that there was neuer song in such request, or which better pleased, especially those kind of men. Others there are who haue vsed sentences of Scripture, as namely certaine verses taken out of the Psalmes, in their wanton ballads and lasciuious songs. For it is not of late time (as we know) that they tooke this libertie to make themselues merry, by vsing the Scripture phrase to grace a conceit or a ieast. But we shall haue fitter occasion to speake hereof in the Chapter of blasphemies. Let this now suffice for Menots complaint.

4 Moreouer, these Preachers crie out with might and maine against the bawds of their time: and Menot hath a bout with the Lords of the Parliament for letting them their houses; being horne mad with them for giuing their helping hand, or shewing any countenance to such wicked wretches. But what would he say (may [Page] we thinke) of those, who for their good and faithfull seruice in making baudy bargaines, haue bene in such fauour with Princes, that they haue not stucke to bestow castles, benefices, offices, and great dignities vpon them? Witnesse a Bishop, who bragged in my hearing, that whereas men in times past came to great preferment by their learning, and by being good Latinists, he for his part vnderstood not a word of Latine, but onely passelatine, by meanes whereof he was aduanced to that dignitie. This his passelatine was (as most would confesse, if I should name him) the office of a bawd, although he made no brags thereof.

CHAP. XIII. Of Sodomie, and the sinne against nature, committed at this day.

MOreouer, if there were nothing else but such swinish Sodomie as is cōmitted at this day, might we not iustly terme this age the paragon of abhominable wickednesse? The heathen (I confesse) were much addicted to this vice: but can it be shewed that it was euer accounted among Christians as a vertue? Yet some in these daies haue not only accounted it a vertue, but also written in commendation of it, and published their writings in print, to the view of the world. For we may not forget how that Iohn de la Case a Florentine and Archbishop of Beneuent writ a booke in Italian rime, wherein he sings forth a thousand praises in commendation of this sinne; which good Christians cannot so much as thinke of without horrour: calling it (among other epithets which he giueth it) a heauenly worke. This booke was printed at Venice by one Troianus Nanus, as they who copied it out do testifie. The author of which worthy work, was the man to whom I dedicated certaine of my Latin verses, whilest I was at Venice. But I protest, I committed that fault before I knew him to be such a monster. And when I was aduertised thereof, it was past recall and recouery. But to returne to this so foule and infamous a sinne: Is it not great pittie that gentlemen, who before they trauelled into Italy abhorred the very naming of it, should after they haue continued there a time, delight themselues not onely in talking and discoursing, but in practising and professing it, as a thing which they haue learned in a happie time? As for those who through bad custome haue onely kept the Italian phrase there commonly spoken (though borowed from such wicked villany) they haue (I grant) some colourable excuse. But what can the rest alledge for themselues? Yet I dare not affirme that all who are tainted with this sin, learned it in Italy or Turkie: for our M. Maillard was neuer there, and yet he made profession of it. So that he, who like a great Sorbonical doctor caused so many silly soules to frie a fagot against all right and reason, equitie and conscience, was the man whom the Iudges might iustly haue burned, not as a Lutheran (as they then called them) or an obstinate Gospeller, but as a Sodomiticall buggerer.

2 But I were much to blame if I should forget Peter Lewis (or rather Aloisius, for he was called in Italian Pietro Aloisio) sonne to Pope Paule the third. This Prince of Sodome, Duke of Parma and Placentia, that he might not degenerate from the Popish progeny (whence he was descended) was so addicted to this horrible and hellish sinne, and so caried away with the burning thereof, that he did not onely forget the iudgements of God, and the prouident care he should haue [Page] had of his good name (at least with such as make no conscience to giue themselues to such villanie.) Nay (which is more) he did not onely forget that he was a man, but euen the dayly danger of death it selfe, whereof bruite beasts do stand in feare. For not content to satiate his lawlesse lust with innumerable persons of all sorts, sexes and degrees, he went a wooing at the last to a yong man, called Cosmus Cherius then Bishop of Fano: and perceiuing that he could not otherwise haue his pleasure of him, and worke him to his will, he caused his men to hold him. Shortly after which fact, he receiued the reward due to such monsters: and as he had led a wicked and shamefull life, so they made for him so infamous and villanous an Epitaph, that the Reader had need of a pomander in his pocket, or some preseruatiue, least his stomacke should rise at the reading thereof.

3 Concerning bestialitie, or the sinne against nature (which was euer more common among shepheards then others) who so list to make enquirie into the examples of later times, shall find as great store of them as of the rest. But if any desire examples of fresher memory, let him go to the Italian souldiers of the camp that would haue beleaguered Lyons, during the ciuill warres, and aske them what they did with their goates. Notwithstanding an accident happened in our time farre more strange then any that can be alledged in this kind, of a woman burned at Thoulouse (about seuen and twenty yeares ago) for prostituting her self to a dog, which was also burned with her for company: which I account a most strange fact, considering her sexe. Now this sinne I call the sinne against nature, hauing respect rather to the common vse and phrase of speech, then to the proper signification of the word, according to which, Sodomie is as well a sinne against nature as bestialitie. But not to enter into a warfare of words, let this suffice, that bruite beasts do condemne vs herein.

4 Now albeit the former example be very strange, yet we haue here another farre more strange (though not altogether so wicked) committed about thirtie yeares ago by a maide borne at Fountaines (betweene Blois and Rōmorantin) who hauing disguised her selfe like a man, serued as an hostler at an Inne in the suburbes of Foy for the space of seuen yeares, and afterwards maried a maide of the towne, with whom she accompanied for the space of two yeares or thereabout, attempting much, but effecting nothing: after which time her cosinage and knauery in counterfeiting the office of a husband being discouered, she was apprehended, and hauing confessed the fact, was burned. By which examples we see that our Age may well boast, that (notwithstanding the vices of former times) it hath some proper and peculiar to it selfe. For this fact of hers, hath nothing common with that which was practised by those famous strumpets, who in old time were called Tribades. [...].

CHAP. XIIII. Of blasphemies and execrations vsed at this day.

I Come now to intreate of blasphemies; in handling whereof, I wil obserue no other method then that which offereth it selfe to my memory, as it shall furnish me with examples. First then, what would the iolly Preachers, Oliuer Maillard, Menot and Barelete say (may we thinke) if they should returne backe into their countries [Page] againe, to see the diuelish demeanour of these wicked wretches, & to heare them blaspheme, renounce, and reneigue God in such fearfull manner? Or what would holy King Lewis say, if he were now liuing? Where might he find tormentors enow to pierce and cut out blasphemous tongues, except blasphemers should butcher one another? And what would they say (trow we) if they should heare this prouerbe, or prouerbiall comparison from the mouth of euery paisant, He sweareth like a gentleman? (sutable to that we mentioned before, It is not for a villaine to renounce God): or if they should heare the common sort say, He sweareth like an Abbot: or He sweareth like a carter: would they not wonder to heare so many of these likes? I make no question but they wold. Yet I perswade my self they wold wonder much more, if they should see how gentlemen and noblemen (be it spoken without disparagement to true gentry and nobilitie, which makes ciuilitie and pietie the two moulds wherein they frame their actions) rather teach their children to say, I renounce God, then I beleeue in God. Doubtlesse if good King Lewis had heard such blasphemies, he would haue thought himselfe among the infernall fiends in the very bottome of hell. And he would (no doubt) much more haue abhorred it, if he should haue seene yong Princes haue tutors for blasphemies (as for some good and commendable science) to teach them to vary, change, and diuersifie them euery way, to pronounce them with their right accents, and to animate them with like audacitie, without either hicke or hem.

2 I might here shew how we outstrip and go beyond our auncestors, as well in this as in other vices: I meane not onely in blaspheming, but in the forme and manner of blasphemie, or rather formes and manners, they being almost infinite. But it shall suffice to giue a tast hereof in a word or two, and to shew how besides old and new blasphemies, bred and borne (as I may say) in our natiue soile, they haue made a hotchpotch of them with those of forreine countries: as though they alone were not sufficient to incense the maiestie of God, and to pull vpon vs his fearfull iudgements. But not to insist vpon these, there are some blasphemies in the Italian tongue so fearfull, horrible and hideous, that they may seeme to proceed rather from diuels then from men. Of which number, that is one which I heard out of a Priests mouth at Rome, which shall not be forgotten in his proper place. And it may wel go hand in hand with this which was vttered by an Italian at Venice (no Priest, but a secular man) as he was playing at cards in the French Ambassadors house, Venga'l cancaro al lupo; what hurt in this? may some say. Verily his notable villanie herein appeares, in that he spake it (as appeared afterward) by a figure called Aposiopesis, or Reticentia, in stead of Venga'l cancaro al lupo, che non mangio Christo quando era agnello: calling Christ Agnello, by allusion to that of S. Iohn, Ecce Agnus Dei qui tollit peccata mundi: Behold the Lambe of God which taketh away the sinnes of the world. Likewise the blasphemie of the Italian who was wont to say, A bots on the Asse that caried Christ to Ierusalem, was very wild, but not so wicked. I omit Putana di Christo, and sundry others of the like straine: for though they be very horrible, yet they are very frequent and vsuall.

3 But for as much as the greatest blasphemies are cōmonly belched out at cards and dice, I wil here alledge a late strange example of a good fellow, who to recompence his losse with cursing and swearing (as the manner is) playd such a tricke, as the like (I perswade my selfe) hath not bene heard of. For being weary with cursing, renouncing, and reneiguing of God, and swearing by all the othes he could deuise; he commanded his man to helpe him, and to hold on this gracious talke, till he had better lucke. This one example (if there were no other) were sufficient [Page] to condemne our Age of greater outrage then all the former. Howbeit they are so plentie, that they are nothing daintie: for as some deuised this new knacke of knauery; so others inuented others, as hereafter shall be shewed.

4 First then whereas our Ancestors did onely impart the honour of God to their men and women Saints (as they terme them,) such hath bene the audacious impietie of the Gnathonicall flatterers of this Age, that they haue made no conscience to stile Princes with the titles of Gods diuine Attributes, as namely with that of Most sacred Maiestie. And as the heathen stiled their Emperor Diuus Caesar: so haue they styled Emperours and Kings in these dayes. Nay, some are come to this passe, to call a mortall man not onely Our holy Father, but Our God on earth. And (as one vice draweth on another) they haue further applied sundry things spoken of the eternall God in holy writ, to mortall men, and haue honored them with like titles: wherof I could alledge manifold examples, if my occasions would permit: but I will content my selfe for the present with these two, Sub vmbrâ alarum tuarum protege me, or sperabo. And, Non est abbre [...]iata manus Domini: which I remember I haue often heard thus applied. The last time I heard them, was from a Lawyers mouth, pleading at the barre.

5 Yet they rest not here: for they are come now at the last to apply sundry texts of Scripture to the praise of Iacke and Gill, men and women of all sorts and conditions, tag and rag. And as they haue applied some Scriptures in commendation of those whom they honored; so haue they applied others to the disgrace and defamation of those whom they maligned: wherein M. Pasquin had a notable facultie. And verily it is not vnlike, but that this inuention came first from him: and that those who in the raigne of King Francis the first, girded at the Lords and Ladies of the Court, with quips and taunts borrowed from Scripture, were trained vp in his schoole.

6 But the wickednesse of the damned crue hath bene farre greater: of which sort, this Age hath had and hath many euen at this day. For not so much as po [...] companions, but can apply the Scripture to their drunkennesse, and bealch them out of their filthy mouthes. It is too well knowne how they were wont to say for euery glasse of wine they rippled off▪ C [...]r mundum crea in the [...], & spiritum rectum i [...]o [...]a in viscerib [...] meis. And when they would signifie in their drunken guibbridg [...], that some wine was better then other some, and that it was the right; they would say, Hic est, tenete eum. And when there is no more liquor in the pot, your meale-mouthed Monkes vse this Allegoricall speech as wel as their fellowes, Dat [...] [...]bis de oleo vestro, quia lamp [...]des nostrae extinguuntur. And now that I am speaking of Monkes, the Abbot of Iosaphat by Chartres comes to my mind, who was one of the greatest [...]pholders of god B [...]cchus: This Prelate being asked on a time how he could drinke so much, and in what schoole he had learned that liberall science: to shew that he had read, at leastwise had heard some thing of the Scripture, alledged these words out of the Psalmist, P [...]tr [...]s [...]ostri [...] [...]erunt nobis. But what speake I of drunkards? Not so much as po [...]kie villaines▪ but would (as they were swearing out the pockes) apply the Scripture to their disease, in saying, [...]. But this is yet applied more absurdly▪ [...]labit spiritus [...]ius▪ & [...]. I remember also what one at Paris said▪ when his mother was dead, and he had gotten all her goods into his hands, Quasi nubes pluuiae in tempore siccitatis: which he learned (I take it) of some scoffing Skoggins, as honest men as himselfe. And do not good fellows euer & anone make themselues sport with these words of S. Paul, Si quis Episcopatum desiderat, bonum opus desiderat, [Page] in saying, Si quis Episcopatum desiderat bonum, opus desiderat? To be short, they thinke that a ieast is not worth a rush, except it be seasoned with the salt of the sanctuary: as the Abbot who speaking of the drie summer, when the grapes were dried vp, and (as it were) rosted with the heate of the Sunne, said, Spiritus vitae erat in rotis. Nay, these wicked blasphemers, and prophane abusers of Scripture, haue not spared their owne Masse. For when one is hanged, they say, Sursùm corda: when a man taketh the cup to drinke, Quia pius est.

7 Hitherto I haue said nothing of those varlets who so notoriously abuse this Scripture, Coelum coeli Domino, terram autē dedit filijs hominū: The heauens of heauens are the Lords, but the earth hath he giuen to the children of men; alledging it to infringe Gods prouidence, whereby he ruleth all things according to his good pleasure: which I omitted not through forgetfulnes, but for that the abuse and profanation thereof, is more auncient then this Age; yet questionlesse the contemners of God, blasphemers of his Sonne, villanizers of his Saints, scorners of his seruice, who do now (as it were) shield and shroud themselues and their Atheisme vnder these words, as vnder Aiax his buckler, are cosin-germaines to those of the damned crue, who in the time of the foresaid Preachers were wont to say, Let God keepe his heauen to himselfe, and let vs alone, and follow our pleasures. Ignorance perhaps gaue the first occasion of this false interpretation, which scoffing Atheists applied afterwards to their owne purpose: as our auncestors, who erroniously expounding this place in the Psalmist, Cum peruerso peruerteris; through ignorance ioyned with malice, wold haue paralleled it with the French prouerb, Il faut hurler auec les loups. But to returne to those who maliciously prophane the holy word of God, I haue not (I confesse) mentioned the places of Scripture, applied by some to whoredom and lecherie, as hauing spoken of it sufficiently before: where I haue shewed that whereas Menot complained onely of the prophanation of Churches by panders who made their bawdie bagaines in them; we might now take vp a farre more iust and grieuous complaint, in that they make the Scripture their bawd; a thing as full of wickednesse and prodigious diuelish abhomination, as euer was heard and tollerated among Christians: and if I should say ten times more, I should not passe the bounds of truth. But I will leaue it to thy consideration (gentle Reader) how much honester men they were, who during the last ciuill garboiles in France, to anger the aduersaries of the Romish religion, began their play at dice with the saying of the Psalmist, Our helpe standeth in the name of the Lord, who hath made heauen and earth: abusing it of purpose to spite and anger them the more, for that Protestant Preachers were wont to call vpon God in this manner, in the beginning of their Sermons.

8 And this puts me in mind of another blasphemie somewhat differing from the former, in all points suiting that of the Iewes in the Gospell, when in scoffing manner they mocked our Sauiour, and said, He trusteth in God, let him now deliuer him, seeing he loueth him. For the aduersaries of the aduersaries of the Romane religion gnashing their teeth, as often as they heard the Protestants sing the 50. Psalme: The mightie God, the eternall hath thus spoke, &c. When they thought they had them on the hip, could not containe, but would vpbraid them and say, Where is now this mightie God? Ha sirs, we will make you sing a new song; we wil make you sing, O Lord consider my distresse. We also find this kind of blasphemie in the Prophet Dauid, where he saith:

For why, they pierce my inward parts

with pangs to be abhord:

[Page]When they crie out with stubburne hearts,

where is thy God thy Lord?

And in another place:

Why should the heathen scorners say,

where is their God become?

Both which blasphemies are much more tollerable then the former, and that for sundry reasons.

9 Moreouer, we shall find the blasphemies whereby they scoffe and scorne, deride and mock at the worship of God and true religion far more abhominable then the wickedest blasphemies of the prophanest Pagans in the earth. And verily I doubt whether the infernall fiends can adde any thing thereto. And yet there are none more welcome to most courtiers then such companions, as being desirous to be instructed by them, thinking it necessary thus to be qualified, that they may be thought throughly accomplished in court-like behauiour: as if the way for a man to braue it out with flouts and frumpes, were to begin with God? Now blasphemers are of two sorts: some are flat Atheists, who by an Antiphrasis will needs be called Deists (forsooth) in spite of all that speake against it: and verily I dare giue my word for them, that they are no hypocrites, but speake as they thinke. Others, notwithstanding the gnawing worme of an accusing conscience, coūterfet themselues to be Atheists. And whereas some Atheists confesse that they are much grieued, because they cannot beleeue that there is a God; these contrarily are halfe mad at themselues, because they cannot obliterate this principle and perswasion out of their minds: and for that their conscience doth checke them when they denie his holy prouidence. The Italian Lord, who leauing his countrey to dwell in France, and died in the warres of a pistel shot, may well be the ring-leader of the dance: for whereas others (now ready to giue vp the ghost) commended themselues to God; he desired his friends that came to visit him, that they would commend him to the King, and tell him that he had lost a good seruant. He often acknowledged (as I heard it reported by his owne familiars) that he desired to beleeue in God, as others did, but that he could not. And yet for all this his great desire, it was his only delight to belch out such fearfull blasphemies against God and his holy truth, that those of Iulian the Apostate may (in cōparison) seeme to be but small. For (to omit sundry of his other gracious speeches) he was not ashamed to say, that God dealt vniustly when he condemned mankind for a peece of an apple: and that he had learned nothing in the new Testamēt, but that Ioseph was a simple fellow in that he was not iealous of his wife, himself being so old, and she so yong. Thus much for the first kind. Of the second sort of Atheists, who by reason of the sting of conscience wherewith they are so disquieted, are constrained to acknowledge a diuine power and prouidence, we haue sundry examples: for those Courtiers, who in the raigne of the French King Henry the second, said, They beleeued in God, as the King beleeued; but if he beleeued not in him, neither would they: are by their owne confession to be registred in this roll. But where shall we place those vile varlets who shame not to say, They beleeue in the King and the Queene mother, and know none other beleefe? Verily it puts me to a plunge to inuent a name answerable to their nature: I meane a word sufficiently emphatical to expresse their wickednes. But for want of a better they may not vnfitly be called thrise accursed damned Atheists.

10 I come now to those hel-hounds of the damned crue, who not content to belch out their blasphemies among their mates (companions like themselues) [Page] or in presence of those whom they would gladly anger, by swearing and blaspheming; nor to furnish the table at great feasts and merry meetings with them, (where they passe for currant vnder the name of ieasts and pleasant conceits) do further set them forth in print, that all the world may take notice of them. Who knoweth not that this age hath reuiued Lucian againe, in the person of Francis Rabelais, making a mock of all religion in his diuelish discourses? or what a prophane Scoggin Bonauenture des Perriers was in deriding of God? and what pregnant proofes he hath giuen hereof in his worthy worke. The marke (we know) which these varlets aimed at, was outwardly indeed to make as though they would but driue away melancholike dumps, and passe away the time with pleasant discourse. But indeed and truth to insinuate themselues by varietie of ieasts and quips, which they cast forth against the ignorance of our forefathers (which was the cause they suffered themselues to be abused, and as it were led by the nose by superstitious Priests) and by this meanes A ietter des pierres en nostre iardin (as it is in the French prouerbe) that is, to mock and gird euen at Christian religion it selfe. For after diligent perusing of their discourses, it will easily appeare, that it was their maine drift, the onely marke and scope which they aimed at, to teach the Readers of their bookes, to become as honest men as themselues: that is, to beleeue in God, and to be perswaded of his prouidence no otherwise then wicked Lucretius was: that whatsoeuer a man beleeueth, he beleeueth in vaine: that whatsoeuer we reade in Scripture of eternall life, is written for no other end but to busie simple idiots, and to feede them with vaine hope: that all threatnings concerning hell and the last iudgement denounced in the word, are nothing but meere bugs, like those wherewith we terrifie yong children, making them afraid of the fayry, hob gobling, or bul-begger: in a word, that all religions were forged and framed by the braine of man. And I feare me such masters haue but too many schollers at this day, readie to listen to such instructions. For some there be who are not as yet plaine Atheists, but onely inclining that way, who deale with the knowledge they haue of God, as sicke men do with the licence of Phisitians. For as sicke patients, notwithstanding they haue resolued to eate and drinke what themselues think good, and not what the Phisitian shall prescribe, importune him to dispence with them against his prescript, for such and such meates, as though it would do them more good or lesse hurt when they haue once obtained such a licence: so is there a generation of monsters rather then of men, who notwithstanding they haue resolued to go on in their wicked courses, though their consciences checke them neuer so much, yet could wish with al their hearts, they might follow them with consent thereof: and therefore labour by all meanes to extinguish and obliterate all sense and knowledge of God out of their minds, the light whereof doth shew them the leudnes of their liues. And they can make no shorter a cut, nor take an easier course to come to the period of their intended purpose, then to go to schoole to the foresaid Doctors. To conclude, the bookes which haue bene written by these two worthy writers, and their pue-fellowes, are so many snares or baited hookes layd to catch such simple soules as are not well guarded with the feare of God: being so much the more hard to be espied, by how much they are better sugered ouer with merry conceits, delighting and tickling the eare. And therefore all those that feare to go astray out of the right way wherein God hath set them, must be admonished to beware of such hunters. As for professed Atheists, they are the lesse to be pitied, considering they fall not into such snares at vnawares, but voluntarily intangle themselues therein.

[Page]11 But what shall we say of Postel and such like scribling companions? Verily I know not what conceit others may haue of them; for mine owne part (to speake that which I haue often said) since I was acquainted with Postels braine-sicke blasphemies, partly from his owne mouth, and partly by his writings, and had seene so many silly soules deluded and bewitched by them: I haue not a little wondered why any man should maruell that Mahomet could win so many countries & kingdomes to his fond fancies, and doting dreames. For is it not much more strange that Will [...] ▪ Postel preaching in the face of the Vniuersitie of Paris (about thirteene yeares ago) that an old beldame (whom he called his mother Ioane) should saue all women, as Christ did all men, should find so many disciples▪ then that Mahomet should make the world beleeue that men onely went to heauen, and not women? If Postel had preached such fooleries, I say not to the citizens of Paris, but to the simplest sots of Auuergne or the rudest Normans: not to learned men, but to silly idiots, which could scarce tell their fingers: not since the trash and trinkets of Popish trumperies were discouered, but whilest the darknesse of ignorance and superstition was more grosse and palpable then that of Aegypt (which a man might haue felt (as it were) with his finger) yet might we well wonder how euer it was possible that such diuelish doctrine should find entertainment. How much more then, that it should not onely be entertained, but highly esteemed, especially in that citie which hath this long time bragged, and doth euen at this present, to be the flower of all France, and the onely paragon for matter of true riches, such as arts and sciences are. But some may here haply reply and say, that though many went to heare him in such multitudes, that for the very throng & presse of people they were in danger to be smothered: yet is it not probable he should haue any disciples or followers, except some of the simpler sort. To which I answer (and that confidently, as knowing it to be a most certaine truth) that he gaue such a relish to his words, that he made many men otherwise learned and wise, to sauour them, who before they had heard him, scorned and derided them as the fondest impietie and foolishest foppery in the world. Further, this wicked wretch not content to vtter these his monstrous blasphemies in priuate to such as resorted to him, hath set them forth in print, and therefore is in the number of those of whom we now speake. Howbeit I cannot well tell whether a man may find in any of his bookes certaine speeches which he vttered in the Realte at Venice in my hearing, and in the hearing of sundry others, viz. that if a man would haue a perfect & absolute religion indeed, he must compound it of Christian religion, Iudaizme, and Turcizme: and that there were many excellent points of doctrine in the Alcoran, if they were well considered. Who will not now confesse that our age surpasseth all the former▪ as wel in blasphemies as in other villanies? (blasphemies I say, not proceeding of ignorance, as in former time, but of a cankred malicious mind against the known truth.) How can this be, may some say? Though the argument in hand will not permit me to giue a reason hereof▪ yet thus much I will say by the way, that it is, because the diuell seeing himselfe more hotly and furiously assaulted now then before, provides himselfe of more furious souldiers to giue the repulse. For whilest blindnesse and ignorance raigned far and wide in the world, and that his former forces were sufficient, he needed no such succour and supply as now he doth, being dayly weakened by the losse of his strongest holds.

12 I proceed to another worshipfull writer, who thinking his pennie as good siluer, and his blasphemies as worthy to be registred as the best, hath set them forth in print: and I shall desire him not to take offence if I presume to name him, seeing [Page] himselfe thought it not amisse to set his name to his booke, though full fraught with such fearfull blasphemies: the title whereof is this, The inuincible tower of womens chastitie, written by Francis de Billon, Secretary; printed at Paris Anno 1555. cum priuilegio Regio. And not content with this flourishing title, he hath set his hand and marke to euery copie, as his verses to the Reader in the beginning of his booke may testifie: a thing (I take it) neuer done by any before. Howbeit his blasphemies are not once to be compared with these last spoken of, but with those rather mentioned in the beginning of this Chapter, where I haue shewed how the audacious impietie of fawning flatterers and pestilent parasites was come to this, to apply the diuine attributes and sundry sentences, spoken of God in holy Scripture, to mortall men. But I will here set downe his blasphemous words, leauing them to the Readers discretion to place them as they deserue. He therefore intending to shew that there is an absolute conformitie in all points betweene the Prophets of God (who were pen-men of holy Scripture) and the French Kings Secretaries, saith fol. 239. At and before the comming of the Sonne of God, he appointed other Secretaries (which may be called his Clearkes, as being chosen by him, or registred in the booke of his diuine prouidence) which in speciall manner were called Prophets, vnder which the name Secretary is comprehended: all of them depending vpon him and his beloued Chancellor, who was then to come, but now is come. And in that roll thus framed in the heauenly mind, they were inrolled and registred vnder the highest maiestie, in the same manner that other Secretaries are registred in the French Kings roll, himselfe being first, and his Chancellor next. And a little after, as Moses is placed in the diuine register in the third place, as pen-man and great Audiancier of Gods word: so my Lord Huraut Secretary and great Audiancier of France is the third in the Kings. And somewhat after; like vnto Ioshuah who succeeded Moses, is the Secretary Orne, who being Lord chiefe Baron of the Exchequer, resembles the Prophet Ioshuah in sundry things. Againe, to Ioshuah succeeded the Prophet and Secretary Samuel, borne of an old and barren woman, long before his natiuitie consecrated vnto God; an honest, vpright, and sincere good man, most content with his owne estate, who liued till he was very old: like vnto whom Longuet principall Secretary to the King, and ancientest of them all, is registred in the Kings records, in a higher ranke then any of the rest, as Samuel was in Gods, who as, &c. And beginning afterwards to discourse of seuen other Prophets, he saith, As Esdras was visited by the speciall grace of God: so the mightie Florimond Robertet, aliâs d'Alluye, was visited in his bed by Francis the French King his Lord and maister. And straight after he addeth, among the Prophets and pen-men of Scripture, the foure great Prophets are to be numbred, by whom those famous notaries the foure Euangelists are figured, viz. Esay or Matthew, Ieremie or Mark, Ezechiel or Luke, Daniel or Iohn, as Gods Secretaries, who seeme to haue had greater employment then the rest; in resemblance of the foure secretaries or notaries of the Kings house otherwise called Maisters of the Requests, sirnamed (if I tell them in order) Bourdin, Sassi, &c. Afterwards he descendeth to the small Prophets, with whom he compareth the Lords, Neuuille, Courlay, Bohier, &c. And last of all he comes to those who in cōparison may be termed Prophets or Secretary gager [...], that is, hired Secretaries, as Semeya, Virdei, Elizeus, Ahias, Iehn, &c. to the number of 59. comparing them to the 59. honorable Lords, viz. Babou, Picard, Forget, Gaudart, &c. And winding vp his discourse, he breakes forth into this patheticall exclamation, O most certaine and worthy correspondence, neuer knowne of any mortall man vnto this day. This [Page] is the goodly inuention of our architect of the inuincible tower, by which he thinketh he hath playd the man, and wonne the field as we say. Now let the Reader iudge, whether I accused him wrongfully of blasphemy or not. And verily if he would take any counsell, I would aduise him to leaue this diuelish discourse out of his booke in the next impression, lest he wrong and shame many honest men, whom he (perhaps) thinketh he doth greatly grace, and honour thereby. I would further let his mastership vnderstand against the second impression, that there is no such Prophet in the Bible as Virdei: but that vir Dei is (as I may say) the Epithete or sirname of Semeia: as when we say Francis the foole, we meane not two distinct persons, but one and the same man, the word foole seruing onely to describe the said Francis by his proper Epithete.

13 Another kind of blasphemie published in print by these goodly authors, remaines yet behind; farre stranger then the former▪ so that he which wil not grant any of them to be proper and peculiar to this age, cannot but confesse that this agrees vnto it quarto modo (as Logicians speake) I meane the manner of translating vsed by Sebastian Castalion in turning the Bible into French. For wheras he should haue sought out the grauest words and phrases fitting so worthy a subiect; it is plaine that he studied for absurd, base and beggerly words, at leastwise such as would rather stir the spleene, and prouoke the Readers to laughter, then giue them light to vnderstand the meaning of the holy Ghost. For example, where S. Iames saith, chap. 2. v. 13. Gloriatur misericordia aduersus iudicium, in stead of translating it word for word (as others haue done) Mercie glories (or insults) ouer iudgement, he turnes it thus, Misericorde fait la figue à iugement, that is, Mercy bids iudgement kisse her taile. Giue me that graue Cato, or sower Heraclytus, who in stead of weighing o [...] pondering this text of so great importance, can keepe his countenance at the first view of this so trim a translation: and considering the meere malice of the translator (who hunted after triuiall words taken from the tauerne, of purpose to expose such sacred mysteries to scorne and derision) will not be offended with such a prophane fellow, if he haue but the least dramme of deuotion or sparke of zeale in his heart. The like he hath done in other places, as who so list to trifle away the time in perusing that worthy worke, shall easily perceiue. Neither hath he onely made his worship merry in vsing tapsterlike termes and phrases, but hath taken to himselfe more then Poeticall licence in calling her arriere femme, that is, a back-wife (as we say arriere boutique, a back-shop) whom the husband keepeth vnder his wiues nose, whom the Latins call pellex (borrowing it from the Greek tongue, as the Grecians haue done from the Hebrew) and for Prepuce vsing this fine compound Castalions Auant-peau is as absurd in French, as the Remists prepuce is in English. Auant-peau, fore-skin: for circumcised, [...]ongné, that is chipped or pared off. For Incircumcised, Empellé, whole skinned: and making God all one with my Lord of Rocheford. In a word, there is not so much as Faire carous, to drinke a carouse, which he hath not vsed in this translation. Now this new deuise hath the diuell inuented in these dayes, to infringe the authoritie of the Scripture: but that God of his goodnesse tooke order for it betime, in causing this trimme translator (of whom there was once great hope) to condemne himselfe with his owne mouth, and to let the world see with what spirit he was transported. Now before I come to the second thing that I propounded to speake of in this Chapter, I will briefly satisfie such as may haply think it strange, I should so far stretch & straine the word blasphemy: the which I did, for that the Greek word [...] (according to his true Etymology) signifies to blast or blemish hinder or hurt a mans good name (as if a man should say [...] being the word which I haue translated [Page] to hurt) and so is commonly taken in prophane authors: albeit in holy Scripture, and the commentaries of the auncient Fathers, to blasphemè, is to speake any thing derogatory to the honour and glory of the highest Maiestie. Now, if treason committed against a King (who is but a mortall man, and whose breath is in his nostrils) deserue death: doubtlesse blasphemie and treason committed against the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, the immortall and the eternal God, must needs deserue eternall death.

14 The next thing that we are to intreate of, is of cursing or imprecations. And as I haue not trifled away the time in reckoning vp the sundry sorts of imprecations and curses vsed at this day (a thing both tedious and odious to those that haue but the least graine of grace or godlinesse:) so neither will I busie my selfe in numbering vp those triuiall and common imprecations which haue no tacke in them, to satisfie the furie and rage of many ruffians, except they be euer coining of new. It shall suffice to shew, that as French-men haue borrowed certaine set formes of brauing and bearding their betters from Italians (thinking (belike) their owne country too barren of this herbe grace:) so haue they not bene ashamed to borrow of them formes of cursing and imprecations, as when they say, Te vienne le chancre. Albeit in most places of Italy, Te venga'l cancaro: and at Venice, Te venga la ghiandussa; Te venga'l mal di San Lazaro, are accounted but small and pettie imprecations. And these put me in mind of a very pleasant storie seruing fitly to exemplifie the matter in hand. A tayler of Florence hauing worshipped the image of S. Iohn Baptist in the Church of S. Michael Berteldi, very deuoutly for a long time; kneeling on a time before it early in the morning, after he had pattered ouer his ordinary prayers, he began in this sort, Glorioso Santo Giouanni benedetto, io ti priego che, &c. that is, Glorious and blessed S. Iohn, I beseech thee grant me these two requests: Tell me whether my wife euer played false with me? and what shal become of my sonne? This was the prayer of that deuout tayler. Now here it is to be noted, that a yong fellow Cleark of the parish (who had sundry times obserued him kneeling and praying in this sort, desirous to discouer this secret, and to know what speeches he vsed to the Image) hid himselfe behind the Altar where the Image stood, that so he might heare the praier which he made. He then answering in the person of S. Iohn Baptist, said, Sappi charissimo sigliuolo, &c. Know my deare sonne, that for the deuotion and reuerence thou hast borne me these many yeares, thou shalt be heard: Come againe to morrow morning, and thou shalt haue a certaine answer. For this time depart in peace. The tayler exceeding glad of this answer, went home, and failed not to come the next morning at the time appointed: not forgetting after he had mumbled ouer his Matins, and done his deuotions, to put Saint Iohn in mind of his promise, saying, D [...]lcissimo Santo Giouanni, io ti priego che mi obserua la promessa: that is, Sweet Saint Iohn, I pray thee keepe touch with me, and performe thy promise. Whereunto the Sexten (who missed not to come againe to make an end of his sport) answered in the person of S. Iohn, Seruo & amico mio, sappi cheltuo figliuolo sara impiceato presto, & la tua donna ha fatto fallo con piu di vno: that is, My good seruant and friend, be it knowne vnto thee that thy sonne shall shortly be hanged, and that thy wife hath hornified thee more then once. The tailer hearing this, rose vp, and departed, as mute as a fish, but as angry as a waspe: and when he was come to the midst of the Church, turned backe, and neither kneeling downe, nor vsing accustomed reuerence, nay not so much as vailing his bonnet, began in this sort, What S. Iohn art thou? The Sexten answered, I am thy good S. Iohn Baptist. Whereupon he could not refraine, but cursed him with the foresaid curse, which put me in mind of this [Page] storie: telling him withall, that it was not of late that he had had a wicked tongue, and that therefore Herod cut off his head. But I will here alledge his owne words, not altering so much as the Orthography: Sia col malanna & con la mala Pasqua che Dio te dia. Tu nō dicesti mai altro che male, & per la tua pessima lingua ti fu eglitagliat [...] el capo da Herode. And straight after: So che tu non hai detto el vero di cosa to ha t'habi domandata: io sono venuto qui ad adorarti da vinticinque anni, o piu, non ti ho mai dato impaccio alcuno: mai io ti prometto che mai piu ci ritornero à vederti. Which historie (recorded by the Lord Piero di Cosmo di Medici) I was the more willing here to relate, to shew how these silly soules (who are euen blind and brutish in their superstitions) vse this holy language in reuenging themselues of the Saints as well as of others. We in France haue certaine curses proper and peculiar to our language, as Italians and other countries haue to theirs. For this curse vsed by the foresaid Preachers, Ad omnes diabolos: Ad triginta mille diabolos, &c. [...] is a kind of copper Latin cast in the mould of the French phrase: for French-men are wont to heape vp diuels by many thousand cart lodes together, as when they say, Ie le donne à trente mille chartees de Diables, ou quarante: Let thirtie or fortie thousand cart loades of diuels take him. And here consider what long custome can do: for Michael Menot (one of the foresaid Preachers) doth father this phrase vpon Saint Paul. His words are these, fol. 129. Saint Paul hearing that a wicked wretch had committed fornication, said presently, I giue him ouer to all the diuels in hell. Sanctus Paulus audiens quòd quidam miserrimus fornicatus fuerat, slatim dixit, Et eum do ad omnes diabolos: which is yet somewhat more tollerable then that which he recordeth of one of the two harlots which came to pleade before King Salomon, that she should sweare by her faith, fol. 47. Altera superbè respondit, dicens Mentiris; est meus quem teneo; quaere tuum vbi volueris: & sic in illa camera verberabant se mutuò. Dixit altera, tu non habebis per fidem meam, nec tu, &c. Et sic venerunt ad Regem Salomonē, &c. By this the Reader may see whether I had not iust cause to say, that that which he fathered vpon S. Paul was more tollerable, seeing it is only false in forma; wheras this is false both in forma and in materia.

15 Now as the imprecations wherewith men are wont to curse one another, are more vsuall at this day then euer they were in former time; so these which they vse in cursing themselues, are no lesse frequent: as when they bequeath themselues to the diuell (some adde bodie and soule, guts and all;) or when they say, I would I might neuer come in heauen, &c. which puts me in mind of that which I obserued once at Venice, how the election of Officers being made by pluralitie of voices (giuen by casting of bullets, as the manner is,) some of the competitors being elected, and some reiected; the custome is, that all of them, euen those also that are disappointed and frustrate of their fore-framed expectation, thank the gentlemen as they come forth: who to keepe corresponce with them, besprinkle them with Court holy water, and tell them one after another, that they are very sory it was not their good hap to be elected to such or such an office, and that it was not their fault. And not contenting themselues with these simple insinuations and protestations, one vseth this imprecation, another that: one saith, Se Dio me gardi st'almi. Another, Se Dio me garenti la mia moglie. A third, Se Dio me garenti miei filroli. A fourth, Se Dio me gardi st [...]occi. A fifth, Se no, che siae appicato per la g [...]la. A sixt, Se no, che me vegna il cancaro. But with what conscience most of them curse themselues in this sort, I make them their owne iudges. For seeing that some of the competitors were elected, and some not; certaine it is that most voices were for them, and not for the other: whereas if we may iudge by their protestations [Page] which they bind with such fearfull imprecations, we must needs say that they gaue with both. But leauing the resolution of this question to some Oedipus, let vs call to mind that which hath bene said, viz. that custome can do much. For doubtlesse long custome in euill, takes away the sence of euill in whole or in part: which lamentable experience proues too true, especially in these dayes, wherein men take pleasure in training vp of youth (not yet of yeares to discerne betweene good and euill) and in teaching them to sweare, blaspheme, and curse after the Court fashion.

16 There remaineth yet another kind of cursing a mans selfe, as horrible in it owne nature, as it is common in the Court: I would I might lie with such a Ladie or such a Gentlewoman vpon paine of damnation. By which we may perceiue, that as this age is paramount to all the former in all sorts of sinnes: so Princes Courts as farre exceed all other places: and yet (that I may not depriue Italians of their due praise) it is lesse common in France and other countries of Christendome, then in Italy.

CHAP. XV. Of thefts and robberies committed at this day.

BEfore I enter discourse of thefts and robberies, I am to intreate thee (gentle Reader) to giue me leaue to premise this short preface; that if this Age do so far excel and go beyond the former in other knacks of knauery: it doth it much more in this of cunning conueyance. For I dare boldly affirme, that if a man would make a narrow search into the theeuish practises, filchings and robberies (at leastwise into the dealings of those good fellowes who take without leaue) so common and rise at this day; he should find that there are (almost) as many sundry sorts of notorious thefts, as in old time there were theeues. The reason hereof is euident, for that stealing of all other vices requireth most wit, wherein this age farre excels the former (if we may iudge of the tree by his fruits:) whence it is that the Lacedemonians were permitted to steale by their lawes, so they were not taken in the fact. Now this quick and nimble wit applieth it selfe rather to euill then to good, and that much more at this day (if all things be equally considered) then in former time: albeit this complaint was taken vp long ago: ‘Vnde habeat quarit nemo, sed oportet habere.’ That is, ‘Needs must be had, but whence none list enquire.’ And it is an old and auncient saying, ‘Lucri bonus odor ex re qualibet.’ That is, ‘Gaine hath a good fauour, howsoeuer gotten.’ By which we may perceiue, that men neuer wanted will to haue. But men at this day, as they haue a better will, so haue they greater skil. For as they haue bin more vehemently inflamed with a desire of gaine, so haue they inuented more effectual meanes for the compassing thereof; setting downe this as a necessary principle to be holden in the first place, that he that would be rich must turne his backe to God: which they can well enough put in practise when occasion serues. Besides, they [Page] haue profited by all their predecessors inuentions, and therein haue employed the greatest cunning and skill they haue. No maruell therfore if there haue bene some shifters in all ages, who haue followed the occupatiō; sith there was neuer yet man to be found but sought out some means to liue: so that many, when all other failed, haue liued vpon the fee-simple of their wits, and betaken themselues to this easie occupation, as to their last refuge. But how is it (may some say) that great theeues should euer escape, & pettie theeues go to the pot? or rather (according to the old saying) that the greater should hang the lesse? The question (me thinks) is easily answered, if we consider that a petty pilfere [...] hath not wherewith to stop his accusers mouth: wheras great ones are neuer without their sleeues ful of gags. For I remember that Pinatel (who was first executed by order of law in the person of his picture (if I may so speake) and after in his owne person) told me and certaine others at Genoua (whither he was fled) [...] that he doubted not but to reconcile himselfe to the King againe, by meanes of the high Sheriffes wife (who had obtained the confiscation of his goods) in that he had a goodly present, wherewith to bribe her (besides the value of the confiscation) and yet remaine rich all his life after. Notwithstanding I denie not but that great theeues are now and then brought to the gallowes as well as pettie theeues: but this hard hap commonly befals those vnthrifts, who hauing brought their twelue-pence to nine-pence, and their nine-pence to nothing; haue not wherwith they may either stop the mouthes, or grease the fists of their accusers. For many (we know) who clime too hastily, fall as sodainly, those especially who haue to deale with Princes treasures, which are (as French-men speake) suiet à la pince, that is, easie to be purloined. Whereupon King Lewis the eleuenth vsed a very pleasant conceit: for looking vpon a peece of tapistrie, wherein a certaine noble man (who from a very meane Cleark of the Exchequer, was aduanced to great place, euen to be Lord Treasurer of France) had pourtraited the steps and degrees whereby he had ascended from the bottome of basenesse to the height of honour, himselfe represented sitting on the top of Fortunes wheele; told him he might do well to fasten it with a good strong naile, for feare lest turning about, it brought him to his former estate again: which was truly prophesied of him, as the euent shewed not long after. And verily not onely great Lords who are aduanced to such high honors; but generally all Courtiers, and such as haue any dealing in Princes affaires, ought alwayes to remember the similitude vsed by Polybius, who cōpareth Courtiers to counters. For as they stand sometime for ten, sometime for an hundred, sometime for a thousand, and sometimes againe for one onely, as it pleaseth the Auditor to place them: so Courtiers (as the toy takes Princes in the head) are honored or disgraced, aduanced or debased in a moment. And this they haue as proper and peculiar vnto them, that when they haue vsed them as sponges to drinke what iuice they can from the poore people, they take pleasure afterwards to wring them out into their owne cisternes. But to returne to the distinction of great and pettie theeues. It is a thing very remarkable, and proper to this age (at leastwise in this respect, that it is more practised) that greeat theeues rob the lesse, as great fishes deuoure the yong frie. But my purpose is here onely to speake of pettie theeues, I meane such as commit qualified robberies, and whom the executioner graceth by putting a halter about their neckes (where there is any face or forme of iustice) which afterwards serueth them in stead of a ruffe.

2 To begin therefore with pilferers and their pettie larcenie, see a strange deuice now lately inuented, how since that Italians with their iuggling trickes [Page] frequented France, there haue bene many cut-purses found disguised like gentlemen; yea some who haue bin hanged with their chains of gold about their necks: which I remember I heard reported of him whom King Francis the first hanged for iugling away the Duke of Neuers purse in his presence. And certaine it is, that their iergon whereby they maintaine themselues, and keepe corresponcy each with other, was neuer in such perfection: a prerogatiue which they haue aboue the greatest Princes in the world, who because they cannot cante, are euer deuising new characters: which notwithstanding are often descried euen by those from whom they labour to conceale them: whereas these noble cut-purses (neuer busying themselues so much) haue so enriched their canting and gibbridge (especially now of late) and are so expert therein, that they can chat and chaffer one with another, without feare of being descried by any, saue those of their owne profession. As for sleights and subtilties, euen Villon himselfe (who read a publike lecture to those of his time) might learne more of the craft (I meane moe feates of filchery and cunning conueyance) of the meanest scholler in his schoole, then euer he knew in all his life: yet I denie not but that he was a notable expert fellow in his profession, and of a ready wit: for it becometh not a citizen of Paris to speake otherwise of his worship. But since our cut-purses (or snatch-purses) haunted these iuggling Gipsies (the Italians) and learned their trickes of cunning conueynance, we must needs confesse that there haue bene stranger feates of agilitie seene, then euer before. I take the word cut purses in a more generall acception then the proper signification will permit; namely for all such good fellowes as can play so well at fast and loose, with their fine feates of passe and repasse, that without offering a man the least violence in the world, they can iuggle the mony out of his purse, and make it passe into their owne. For example, a French-man newly arriued at Venice (about thirteene yeares ago) lodging in an Inne called the Sturgeon, was told by an Italian (who lay in the same house) that it was not safe for a man in that country to shew his mony: and therefore counselled him that if at any time he did weigh his gold, or tell any mony, he should not do it openly as he was accustomed, but should locke himselfe in his chamber. The French-man taking this aduertisement as proceeding from a simple honest meaning, thanked him heartily, and therupon tooke acquaintance of him. The Italian (not long after) hauing espied fit oportunitie, came vnto him, and told him that if he wold change French crownes for Pistolets, he wold gladly exchange with him: and whereas (quoth he) your crownes will go here but for single Pistolets, I will giue you something ouer and aboue in exchange. The French-man answering, that it was the least courtesie he could shew him: he desired him to remember what he told him the other day, concerning the close keeping of his mony; wherefore (quoth he) I thinke it not amisse if we take a paire of oares, and carrying a paire of ballances with vs, row vp and downe the great channell, and there weigh our crownes. The French-man answered, that he was ready to do what he thought good. The next day therefore they tooke a paire of oares, where when the Italian had weighed the French-mans crownes (the better to colour his knauery) he put them in his purse and pocketed them vp: and making as though he had bene seeking for his Pistolets which he was to giue in exchange, he caused the waterman (to whom he had formerly giuen the watchword) to land his boate. And because he landed in a place where there were many short and narrow lanes on either side, the French-man lost my gentleman in a trice: neither hath he yet (I suppose) heard any newes of him, nor of his hundred crownes. My self came to the Inne three or foure daies after that pageant [Page] was played. Another marking a French-man putting his purse into his bosome, and after taking a paire of oares to crosse the water (an ordinary thing at Venice) leaped in after him with such violence that he caused the boate to leane so much on the one side, that the French-man fel into the water: where leaping in presently after, he pulled him into the boate againe; yet not without pulling his purse out of his bosome by the way; which he did so nimbly, that the partie perceiued it not, till it was past recouery: and so the Italian departed with a thousand thanks, and a purse to put them in. Another vsed more speed, for faining that a Scorpion was gotten into his backe, he intreated another Italian to looke if he could espie it; in the meane time iuggling his purse out of his pocket. And here I may not omit a like tricke of conueyance which another Italian played with a French gentleman newly come into Italy with Odet de Selue, Embassadour for the French King at Venice: for as he was in his Inne, looking vpon two cheating Italians playing at cards (who were partners, as appeared afterward) one of them faining that he had lost all his mony, and had nothing left but certaine peeces of gold, at which his fellow refused to throw, because they were not weight; he intreated the French-man to lend him a few crownes for them: who had no sooner drawne his purse, but they scattered all his mony; and marking on which side of the table it fell, blew out the candle. We might well admit into this societie a Sergeant of Paris (whose goods had bene distrained and sold to the very straw of his bed) who going by a Goldsmiths shop, cast sand in his eyes, and hauing so done, put as much gold into his boxe as he thought good. But to returne to our cunning cut-purses: how actiue & nimble (may we thinke) were they which cut fortie or fiftie before they could be descried? What say I forty or fiftie? Nay I haue heard of one of this theeuish trade borne at Bourges, chiefe Clearke to an Atturney of the Parliament, called Dennis Gron, in whose trunke (after he had bin taken and conuicted of the fact) were found fourescore purses, and about three thousand crownes in gold: who (doubtlesse) would haue obtained his pardon if his cause had bene tried by the lawes of the Lacedemonians, which permitted theft (the better to inure their people to nimblenesse and actiuitie) so they were not taken in the fact: which (as Xenophon sheweth) stood with good reason: for no man ought to follow a trade, wherein he hath no skill. Now these bunglers who are taken with the manner, shew that they are not their crafts masters, in going no handsomlier to worke then a Beare when the picks muskles. Which a Duke of Burgundie well obserued (a man naturally giuen to this lurching legerdemai [...]e, which he practised more of wantonnesse then for any want, as knowing himselfe to haue a notable filching facultie, and an answerable dexteritie in cleanly conueyance; the rather for that by this meanes he was better acquainted with such companions) espying one of these light fingerd gentlemen as he was iuggling away a siluer goblet at a great feast, and holding his peace for the present, sent for him shortly after, and told him roundly of it in this sort: Sirra, you may thank God that my steward saw you not pocket vp my plate; for I can assure you he would haue hanged you all but the head. What? will you follow a trade to which you were neuer bound prentise, and wherein you haue no skill? Well, you shall haue it vpon condition you wil giue ouer the occupation, and practise it no more vpon paine of death, sith you go so grosly to worke. By which we see how this Prince concurres in opinion with the Lacedemonians. But why (may some say) should we thinke the Lacedemonians would haue pardoned him, considering they held such as were descried and taken in the fact, vnskilfull in the trade, and consequently vnfit to follow it? Doubtlesse they would haue pardoned [Page] him for his great dexteritie in cutting the 80. purses, in that he was taken but with the 81. For it fared not with him as with those filching cōpaniōs (born vnder the vnlucky planet Mercury) who being pardoned the first offence, fall into it again and againe. Which hard hap befell one Simon Dagobert (the Kings Atturneys son in Yssoudun) who hauing plaid the filching fellow a long time, and admonished to keepe himselfe true, lest in the end he found the gibbet a Iew; was taken at the last, and condemned to the gallowes: where as he was led to the place of executiō, the duke of Neuers chanced to passe by, and mediated to the King for him, because he heard him spout a little Latin; which (albeit it was not vnderstood) made him and the rest beleeue that he was a man fit for some great emploiment. And as if he had bin so indeed, the King hauing pardoned him, sent him with one Roberual into the new found land: in which voyage he verified that which Horace saith, They change the aire that seas do passe, But mind remaines the same it was. Coelum non animū mutant, qui trans mare currunt. For after his coming thither, he fell to his old trade of nimming more freely then euer before. So that being taken the second time, he went the way which before he had missed. And I perswade my selfe he would not haue escaped better cheape, either with the Lacedaemonians or with the foresaid Prince, sith (in all probabilitie) he had bene often taken with the manner before; it being almost impossible, that committing thefts in this sort by the dozen, he should euer go closely and artificially to worke. Howbeit if euer there were any, in whom we might see what a nature prone to theft may do, him we haue as a liuely mirror thereof. For I heard it credibly reported by his owne citizen (a man of good worth) that notwithstanding he had dealt with him sundry times to reclaime him, and made meanes to get him out of prison, yet the knaue to requite his kindnesse (as he protested to me) stole from him a new gowne, (besides other apparell) wherewith he was taken, hauing it vpon his backe: and another also vnder it, which he had stolne elsewhere: as also with three shirts which he had on. The like he had done not long before, in stealing a gentlemans veluet cassocke, who had kindly entertained and lodged him. But the most notable theft that euer he committed in this kind, was in stealing a bridegroomes new apparell (the Kings Atturneys brother of Poitiers) and his brides: for which he thought he might wel aduenture hanging, considering they were for the most part all of cleane silke. Which cunning conueyance of his, is the more to be wondered at, in that he was of necessitie to come and go sixe or seuen times (at the least) before he could conuey them away; which he did very slily, carying them into his lodging in the Nū nery of S. Crosses in Poytiers; where he remained when they came to call him coram, for that they suspected none but him. But the slie merchant looking through the window, and espying the Sergeants comming to apprehend him, conueyed himselfe away, after he had locked and barred all the doores. Where they breaking into his lodging, found beside the foresaid apparel, about forty paire of shoes of all sizes, with a number of breeches, and a great quantity of cut cloth, and some whole peeces, as also a pretie library of bookes, which he had stolne at sundry times from schollers. Moreouer, his manner was to deale worse with his hostisses then with his hosts; for whereas he stole nothing from his hosts but their apparell, he tooke from these dames their goodliest relikes in kind requitall of their curtesies. Yet the finest feate that euer he playd, was the theft he committed in the prison, where he was cast for the like offence: for being not able to containe himselfe, and to hold his fingers till he was set at liberty, he stole the Iaylers cloake whilest he was in the prison, and sold it to a good fellow, letting it downe through the trellis of the prison window, looking into the streete. Which verifies my former assertion, what [Page] a nature prone to theft may in time come vnto, viz. to grow to such a degree of impudencie as to steale in the very prison, where felons and other malefactors await their dismall doome, and from no meaner man then the Iayler himselfe. But I do the lesse wonder hereat, in that my selfe haue seene cut-purses at Paris rifling mens pockets, and iugling away their purses at the very gallowes, and that hard by a cut-purse ready to be executed.

3 I wil now dismisse this arch-theefe Dagobert: and as I haue alledged examples of those who haue pardoned theeues conuicted of the fact, and suffered them to go quietly away, and peaceably to enioy their pilfer and pray; so I will here record one to the contrary, of a gentleman who punished a theefe with his owne hands, yet so as it brought him to a pecke of troubles. For feeling a good fellow cutting his purse, as he was looking vpon the King playing at tennis (the very same day that the now deceased Iohn d [...] Bell [...]y was installed Bishop of Paris) and suffering him to do his pleasure, dissembling the matter as though he had felt nothing; yet in the end, not content to make him restore his purse, he further cut off his eare. But it repented him (poore gentleman) not long after, not for that he cried quittance with him, but for handling him in that sort: for if he had but stabbed him, he had neuer (questionlesse) bene troubled; but because he cut off his eare, the hangman of Paris commenced suite against him for incroching vpon his office.

4 But to returne to our subtill sleights, more common and frequent at this day they euer they were, and that in all manner of thefts. Could a man desire to heare of a more cunning conueyance then that which was played at Paris about sixteen yeares ago, by one who kept his countenance so well, that he caused the owner of the featherbed which he was about to steale, viz. one Guerrier Proctor of the court of Parliament dwelling in S. Bennets cloister, to help him vp with it. But I wil here relate two felonious facts committed by a theefe, which are nothing inferior, but rather farre exceeding any of the former. A certaine good fellow being desirous to haue his neighbours cow, rose very early in the morning before day, and coming to the house where the cow stood, draue her out (making as though he had r [...]n after her.) His neighbour waking at the noise, and looking through the window: neighbour (quoth the theefe) come and helpe me to take my cow which is runne into your yard, your doore being carelesly left open. His neighbour hauing holpen him, he perswaded him to go along with him to the market (for if he had staid at home, his theft would haue bene discouered) and as they went together vpon the way, when the day began to dawne, the poore man knew his cow, and said, Neighbour, this cow is much like mine. It is very true (quoth he) and therefore I go to sell her, because our wiues contend about them euery night, not knowing which to take. Thus continuing their talke, they came to the market place; where the theefe fearing he should be descried, fained that he had some businesse in the towne, and thereupon desired his neighbour to sell her in the meane time as deare as he could, promising to giue him the wine. His neighbour therefore sold her, and brought him the mony; whereupon they went straight to the taueuerne according to promise. Now after that they had made pretty good cheere, the thiefe conueyed himself away, leauing his neighbor in pawne for the shot. From thence he went to Paris, and being on a time in the market place, where many asses were tyed (as the custome is) to hookes fastened in the wall; seeing all places taken vp, he made choice of the fairest asse, got vpon his backe, and riding through the market place, sold him very deare to a stranger: who finding no other roome emptie [Page] saue that whence the asse was taken, tyed him there againe. Whereupon when the true owner (from whom he was stolen) would haue loosed him, and led him away, there arose such a hot bickering betwixt him and the stranger who had bought him, that they fell together by the eares. Now the theefe, (who had sold the asse) being in the throng, and seeing all this sport, and namely how the buyer was throwne downe and well beaten, could not forbeare saying, Curry me, currie me well this stealer of asses, and spare him not. Which when the poore man, who was in that pitifull plight (desiring nothing more then to heare of him that had sold him the asse) heard, and knowing him by his voice; he cried out, Thats he, thats he that sold me the asse: Wherupō my gentleman was apprehended, and (all the foresaid knaueries being verified by his owne confession) was executed, as he well deserued. Hence we may learne these two things, first, what great wits, and how full of subtilties and sleightes this Age affoordeth. Secondly, what punishments befal wicked men through the iust iudgement of God, and how he taketh vengeance on them when the magistrate is at a losse, and destitute of all meanes whereby he might find and firret them out: nay how he worketh and bringeth things so about by the hand of his prouidence, that guiltie malefactors like fluttering gnats burne themselues (as it were) in the candle. I confesse indeed, there are not many such subtil theeues as this to be found in a country. But many there are, whose mouthes are their owne accusers, and who (as we say) put the rope about their owne necks, as they best know who by their places are to giue iudgement; who if they be any thing wary and wise, worke so by their interrogatories, that they make these gallants (how good a face soeuer they set vpon the matter) so to faulter and fall foule with themselues, that in the end they cut their owne throates, and sacrifice themselues to their owne shame.

5 And seeing there is nothing more worthy a Christian mans meditation then such iudgements of God, I hope it will not be vngratefull to the Reader if I here digresse a little, and alledge two other examples; the one moderne, the other ancient: both of them suting with the former, and exemplifying that which hath bene said. Erasmus therefore reporteth, that a theefe hauing broken into a house in London, where he lodged, and entered in through the roofe, to see if he could meet with some good boone, made such a noise, that he caused all the neighbours to flocke thither; which when he perceiued, he thrust himselfe amidst the throng, as though he had bene one of the company that sought for the varlet; and by this meanes kept himselfe vnknowne. Not long after, perceiuing that the vprore was past, and that they looked no more for the knaue (supposing he had escaped) he went forth, nothing mistrusting he should haue bin descried. But the blab, not able to hold his tongue, bewrayed himselfe, and so brought his necke within the halter: for as he was going out at the doore, meeting many talking of the theefe, and cursing of him, he cursed him likewise, affirming that he had made him lose his hat. Where note, that whilest the rascall laboured to saue himselfe, running now here, now there, his hat fell off his head, which they kept, hoping thereby to discouer him. They then hearing him say that he had lost his hat, began to suspect him, and vpon suspition apprehended him: who after he had confessed the fact was hanged. Many like stories are recorded in prophane writers, but (sith I promised only one other) I will content my selfe with that wherewith Erasmus hath paralleled the former. Plutarch then writeth that a certain temple dedicated to Pallas (in the citie of the Lacedaemonians) hauing bene robbed, there was an emptie bottle foūd, which made all the people to wōder exceedingly; for no man could imagine what [Page] the theeues should do therewith. At the last, one in the companie seeing them all in such an amazement, If you will heare me (quoth he) I wil tell you what I coniecture, I imagine that the theeues being ready to execute their enterprise, dranke some Aconite (a kind of deadly poison) and caried wine with them in this bottle, that if they brought their purpose to passe, they might preserue themselues from the danger of the poison by the wine; and that if they were descried, it might put them to a more gentle death, then the Iudges would haue inflicted vpon them. They hearing him render so sensible a reason, and perceiuing that he spake not as one that did coniecture, but as being wel acquainted with the businesse, began to question with him, one after another in this sort: who are you Sir that can coniecture so well? where learned you the art of diuination? what acquaintance haue you in this citie? In the end they pressed him so much, and vrged him so farre by their interrogatories, that they made him confesse that he was guiltie of the fact, and one of the theeues. Now as there are sundry examples of the like prouidence of God in detecting of theeues, so are there also of murtherers, as hereafter shal be declared.

6 But to returne to theeuish sleights: for, alledging out of Erasmus de lingua, the example of an English theefe, I remembred other stories which he hath elsewhere of the tricks of these tradesmen; out of which I will onely pick out such as I iudge most notorious: I meane such as were performed with greater subtilty, dexteritie and sleight. And I wil begin with a story, cosin-germaine to that which I lately recorded of the theefe who played his part so well, that he caused the owner of the featherbed which he was about to steale, to helpe him vp with it: dispensing for this once with my former promise, in making a medley of secular mens vertues with Church-mens. For the fine feate which I am about to relate, was plaid by a priest of Louaine, called Antonie, who hauing bidden two good fellowes to dinner (whom he met by chance in the street) and vnderstanding at his coming home, that there was not a morsell of meate in the house (and knew too well that he had neuer a penie in his purse) he deuised this sleight, that he might keepe touch with his guests: he went into his neighbours house, with whom he was very inward, and the kitchin maide being absent, stole thence a brazen pot wherein the meate was boiling, and caried it home vnder his gowne, commaunding his maid to powre out the meate and the broth into an earthen pot: and hauing caused her to scoure it, he sent it backe to the [...] againe, requesting him to lend him a certaine summe of mony, and to take the pot in pawne. The messenger brought good newes to Sir Antonie, viz. a peece of money that came in pudding time to furnish the table, and a short scrole, by which the creditor acknowledged that he had receiued a brasse pot in pawne vpon the summe which he had lent him. But being ready to go to dinner, and missing one of the pots, he began to chide and take on, so that all the house was in an vproare; the kitchin maid protesting that she neuer saw it after Sir Antonie was there. Now albeit they made conscience to suspect him for such a fact, yet in the end they went to his house to see whether they could find it: and because they could heare no newes of it, they asked him bluntly for it. He answered that he knew of no such thing. But when they laid it to his charge, and auouched to his face that he had stolen it, seeing none came into the house but he only: he made this answer, True it is indeed, I borowed a pot, but I sent it backe to the owner again. Which when the creditor denied: See my maisters (said sir Antonie) there is no trusting of men now a daies without a bil of their hand; he would straight haue layd it to my charge, had I not had his hand [Page] and seale to the contrary; whereupon he shewed the scrole which the boy had brought him. So that the creditor was well mocked for his labour throughout all Louaine, it being blazed abroad, that such a man had lent a summe of money vpon a pawne that was his owne.

7 After this theeuish tricke playd by a priest, it is good reason that we giue eare to another done vnto a Priest, to requite the former. A good fellow in Antwerpe hauing marked a Priest that caried a purse by his girdle, which (as he supposed) was sore troubled with a timpanie; after low and humble obeisance, told him that he was intreated by the Curate of their parish to buy him a Cope, and because sir (quoth he) you are iust of his height, I would desire you to go with me to a merchants shop to trie one: for I perswade my selfe, if it fit you, it will fit him. The Priest easily condescending to his request, went with him to a shop where these Copes were sold: where hauing tried one, the merchant affirmed that it was as fit as if it had bene made for him. The knauish companion watching oportunitie to shew them a cast of his office, after he had well viewed M. Priest on euery side, told him that it had one fault, viz. that it was shorter before then behind. Nay (quoth the merchāt) the fault is not in the cope, but in this great purse which beares it out, and makes it seeme so. The Priest therfore layd his purse aside: which done, they viewed him round the second time. In the meane while, this conicatcher (to make an end of his sport) whilest the Priest had his backe turned, nimbly snatched vp the purse, and shewed them a faire paire of heeles. Whereupon he cried out, Stop the theefe, stop the theefe: the merchant crying as fast, Stop the Priest: and the theefe, Stop the mad Priest, (for the people seeing him runne in this strange habite, supposed he had bin mad indeed.) But whilest the Priest and the merchant wrangled together, the theefe escaped.

8 There is yet another story recorded by the same author, not much vnlike the former for nimblenesse and good footmanship, albeit it come farre short of it in acutenesse and quicknes of wit; being answerable to the country from whence it came, which breeds no great wits, except perchance by a miracle. For this pageant was plaid by a Hollander at Leyden. This good fellow walking through the citie, w [...]nt into a shoomakers shop: where the shoomaker asked him what he would; and perceiuing that he cast his eye vpon a paire of Buskins properly. bootes which hung hard by, demaunded of him whether he would haue a paire or not: he answering that he would. The shoomaker ma [...] choise of such a paire as he thought would fit him best, and pulled them on; and hauing so done, he willed him to try a paire of See the end of this section shoes, which he said were as fit for him as the bootes. These things thus passed ouer, the fellow in stead of agreeing of the price, & paying the shoomaker, began to question with him merrily in this sort, Tell me in good earnest, did neuer any man thus fitted for the race as I am, runne away, and pay nothing? Neuer (said the shoomaker). But if perchance (quoth he) a man should runne away, what wouldst thou do? I would run after him (quoth he). Doest thou speake in good earnest (quoth he)? Yes marry do I (said the shoomaker) and I would do it indeed. We must trie a conclusion (said the other,) I will begin the course, come on therfore follow me: and forthwith ranne away as fast as he could driue; and the shoomaker after, crying, Stay the theefe, stay the theefe. The fellow seeing them come thicke and threefold out of their houses, fearing lest some would haue laid hands on him, set a good face vpon a foule fact, and as though he had bene but in ieast, said, Stop me not for the loue of God, it is for a great wager. Thus the poore shoomaker returned home againe very angry, that he had lost both his paines & his pence; for the other [Page] got the goale by ouer-running him. Here, because Erasmus calleth them ocreas, I haue translated them bootes; yet we may not thinke that they were like French bootes, but such as might be worne with shoes.

9 But hauing spoken sufficiently of theeues that runne away with the booty, let vs now treate of those who stirre not a foote after they haue played a part of legerdemain, but look smoothly, as though butter would not melt in their mouths. A Scottish gentleman told me that when King Iames the fift went ouer into France (which was Anno 1536.) the Earles of Errol, Argile and Mar [...]e hauing feasted the Ladies of Saint Antonies streete, where they lodged; whilest the Earle of Argile was looking vpon certaine gamesters that played after supper, there was a gallant as braue as a Peacock, who in sporting maner vntied about fiue and twentie or thirtie Angels, and rose Nobles, which being bended together and folded one in another, serued in stead of golden buttons to the cuts of a night gowne, which the Earle had on, as the fashion was in those dayes. The Earle seeing him so sumptuously attired, and going about his businesse with such good grace, as one that meant no hurt, but onely to make some sport, suffered him to do his pleasure. But when this royster thought he had enough, shewing that that which he had done was in good earnest, he went slily away out of the hall. Whereupon the Earle (who had made as though he had knowne nothing, whilest he was fidling about his gowne) told the companie how the knaue had serued him, and withall shewed them euident signes thereof; whch was not done without great laughter. Whereupon they (who were better acquainted with such sleights) gaue him a caueat to be more warie another time, seeing for the present there was no remedy, but patience.

10 I proceed to another good fellow, who was his crafts master as well as the former, at least had as good a grace in cunning conueyance. In the raigne of King Francis the first, a gentlemanlike thiefe as he was groping the Cardinal of Lorrains pocket, was seene by the King as he sate at Masse right ouer the Cardinall; where he perceiuing himselfe to be discried, beckened to the King to hold his peace, and he should see good sport. Whereupon the King suffered him to do his pleasure: but shortly after he vsed certaine speeches to the Cardinall, whereby he gaue him occasion to feele for his purse. The Cardinall missing his mony, stood in a maze, wondering at this accident: which ministred to the king (who had seen the whole pageant) matter of merriment. But when he had taken his fill of laughter, his pleasure was, the mony should be restored to the Cardinal againe: for he supposed the fellow had taken it of purpose to make sport. But he was deceiued; for whereas he imagined that he had bene some honest gentleman and of good note (seeing him so resolute, and setting so good a face vpon the matter) he found afterwards that he was a notable theefe indeed (disguised onely like a gentleman) who meant not to ieast, but counterfetting a iester, to go about his businesse in good earnest, as the former had done. Whereupon the Cardinall turned the iest vpon the King: who (as his manner was) swore as he was a gentleman, [...] it was the first time that a theefe had made him his fellow.

11 And here the theft committed in the presence of the Emperour Charles the fift, comes in very fitly after the former acted in the French Kings presence (as hath bene said) and partly also with his consent. The Emperour hauing commanded his seruants to trusse vp bag and baggage; whilest euery man was busie in packing vp his implements, there came a good fellow into the hall (where the Emperour was, with a small traine, ready to take horse) who as soone as he was come into [Page] the roome, and had done his dutie, beganne to take downe the hangings, making as if he had had other businesse in hand, and had bene in hast. And though it was not his occupation to hang vp, and take downe hangings, yet he performed it so well, that when he who had the charge to take them downe came into the hall, he found that another had eased him of that labour, and (which was worse) had carried them away. See what impudent theeues there are now a dayes.

12 Howbeit the boldnesse of an Italian theefe (who did the like) at Rome, in the time of Paul the third, was nothing inferiour to the former. There had bene a great feast in a Cardinals house, and the plate being set vp in a chest that stood in a chamber neare to the hall, where the feast was kept: whilest diuers waiting for their maisters, walked in this outward chamber (or Anticamera as Italians speake) there came in a good fellow in a cassock, apparelled like a steward, with a torch before him, who desired those that sate vpon the chest to rise vp, saying that he was to vse it; and they were no sooner risen vp, but he bad the porters that followed him to take it vp and carry it away. This gallant tricke was playd after that the steward of the house and all the seruants were gone to supper; at least it is to be thought that if any of them were then in the Anticamera (as their custome was) they did not marke it.

13 But what shall we say to the boldnesse and impudencie of another Italian, (hanged at Bononia about eleuen yeares ago) who hauing serued out a long prentiship at Rome in learning to counterfet mens hands and writings, and to take seales from one instrument to put to another; because he much resembled Cardinal Sermonet, went in a Cardinals habite and traine (though very small) through Marke d'Ancona and Romagna with a counterfet Bul, whereby he said he had a cōmission from the Pope to gather the tithes of that countrey: albeit he came neare no great cities for feare of being detected. But hauing had good successe in his attempts (because the most tooke him for Cardinall Sermonet) he passed through Romagna and came somwhat neare to Bononia. Now as soone as the Bishop of Ferm [...] (who was the Popes Vicelegate) heard thereof, he sent one of his gentlemen vnto him (who had sometime attended vpon Cardinall Sermonet) who certified the Vicelegate that he was not the man he affirmed himselfe to be; which caused him somwhat to suspect this gallant, the rather for that he had not obserued accustomed solemnities and ceremonies which other Cardinals were wont to obserue. Wherupon he sent him againe with a troupe of souldiers, giuing him expresse charge and cōmandement to apprehend him, if he knew for certaine that he were not the man he counterfetted himselfe to be. In the meane time this companion (being now discouered the second time by sundry priuie markes) was better knowne by one of his eares, which he had lost for his good deserts, which he shewed at vnawares as he put off his litle Cardinals hat. The Captaine therfore commanded his souldiers to lay hands on him. But he no lesse resolute, bold and impudent then before, charged them to take heed what they did, with his thundering threats making them all to quake for feare, brauing it out with as high and loftie termes as the proudest Cardinall in Rome could haue done, if the like violence had bene offered him. The souldiers (who made scruple at the first to encounter him) were in the end encouraged by their captaine to grapple with him. Where hauing apprehended him, they brought him to Bononia with two of his men who were not priuie to this his knauery (the rest which were accessary being fled away.) And there he was condemned by the Vice-legate, and hanged at Saint Petronio's gate in a Cardinals attire, wearing on his head a mytre of paper with this title or inscription, [Page] IL RE DE' LADRI, The King of theeues, that is to say, The King of good fellows. He had six thousand crowns about him, which (as it was reported) was nothing to that which his two men (who were fled away) had caried with thē. I do the rather set downe this story at large, because it is a very notable and memorable fact. For albeit we haue heard many who haue vsurped the name & held the place of those whom they resembled (as I haue declared in my Latine Apologie) yet they tooke such mens names as they knew were dead, or of whom a man could hardly heare any certaine newes. Which was farre otherwise with this companion, seeing the Cardinall (whose name he borrowed) was then liuing (as he knew well) and not so farre off, but that he might haue heard from him in a very short time. Now sith I am come to the King of our moderne theeues (euen in the iudgement of those that condemned him) I should do him wrong if I should proceed further, in hope to find any more notorious and cunning theft then his.

14 Notwithstanding lest he should be left alone, and lest it should be thought that Italy onely were furnished with such bold Brittans, I thought it not impertinent here to insert two other stories, one of a French-man, another of a Polonian, who for such feates (proceeding from like audacitie) deserue not onely to be of his Court and Counsell, but successors to his Crowne. The French-man (as very a conicatcher as the former) was borne at Saumur vpon Loire, being so cunning in counterfetting the Kings seales and letters, that shewing certaine extraordinary commissions, which (as he said) he had obtained of the King, he got great sums of the Kings receiuers; & made a mightie masse of mony by selling of certain woods which were felled for the Kings vse. But being in the end discouered, he went the same way that the king of good fellowes had shewed him: and as he was hanged in a Cardinals habite, so this companion was executed at Paris in a gentlemans attire before the Church of the Augustine Friers, the same day that the Court of Parliament was kept in that Couent about sixteen yeares ago. Some are of opinion that he was the man that gaue intelligence to king Francis the first (by means of a notable theft which he committed) of that which the Emperour Charles the fift, and the King of England had plotted against him: and did not onely aduertise him thereof, but brought him their very tickets, instructions and letters. For meeting a Flemmish gentleman vpon the way trauelling toward England, he tooke acquaintance of him, telling him that he was his countriman, and so rode along with him to the hauen where they w [...]re to take ship. Whither being come, when the Flemming was laid downe to take his rest (waiting for wind and weather) the French-man (who had perswaded him to rest himself vpon the bed) faining to be sound asleepe, rising softly, went and bought a budget like vnto the Flemmings, and hauing filled it with roles of white paper vntill it was about the same weight, layd it vpon the table in stead of the Flemmings budget. And hauing so done, he awoke the Dutch man, and told him that he had left certaine things behind him which he had forgotten, and therefore was of necessitie to returne backe againe, intreating him not to take it vnkindly that he brake off companie. The Flemming little suspecting what might be the meaning of this sodaine change, but thinking he meant good sooth, could not but thanke him for his good companie, and after many kind embracings, recommended him to Gods protection, and so betooke him to his rest againe: yet he left not his budget (I meane the budget which he supposed had bene his owne) any longer vpon the table, but put it vnder his pillow. Wherein the simple fellow was like to that noddie, who when the steed was stolne, shut the stable doore. Now whilest the Flemming slept, the French-man [Page] went post with his budget, which he should haue put vnder his pillow, or in a surer place, before he had layd him downe to rest. And you may easily coniecture whether the French-man brought not a welcome present to the French King (though he had stolne it,) and whether the Flemming brought not heauie newes to the King of England. Some say that he beheaded him, saying that he would make him an example to all such sticklers as intermeddle in Princes affaires, to teach them to be more wary and wise, and to handle the matter a little more cunningly. This is the fine fetch which was reported to haue bin plaid by him, whose cheating and knauery I haue before recorded, both of them being practised against the same King. Which being so, we may well think that this cunning contriuer of thefts, intended to benefite himselfe in endomaging the King as much by his last thefts, as he had done by his first. But many are of opinion that they came from two seueral men, and were coined in two seuerall mints. Howsoeuer, I would not giue lesse honor to the one then to the other. I come now to the Polonian called Florian, for boldnes & audacitie nothing inferiour to the former: who hauing by the same cunning deuice counterfetted the seales and letters of the King of Poland, came ouer into England as the Kings Ambassadour, where he continued a long time, being respected and honored as be seemed one of his place; and where he forgat not to vse the Kings credite in diuers theeuish practises as he had formerly done, and as he did since in dealing with great States: the King his master seeking in the meane time to haue had his head.

15 I will adde yet one other example of thefts (albeit I was purposed here to haue made an end) not like the three last, nor any formerly mentioned, but rather contrary vnto them, as hauing nothing common with them; and therfore so much the more necessary to be spoken of, to the end it may appeare that our Age may not onely brag of sundry new theeuish practises, but of all the rare sleights and subtilties mentioned in ancient stories. For here we haue an example of one theefe stealing frō another. A yeare ago, or somewhat more, there was a merchant in an Inne at Paris, who had layd vp a great summe of mony (which he had receiued for certaine wares) in a cupboord: where a seruant in the Inne hauing marked him, watching his oportunitie, opened the cupboord, and stole thence two bags, one ful of gold, the other of siluer; and being laden with them, went about two leagues from Paris towards Montargis, where being come to his Inne very late in the euening, and weary of his iourney, he intreated his host to help him to a horse, which might be ready for him the next morning: who told him it wold be a hard matter to hire one. The traueller after diuers offers, at last promised to giue him a French crowne for one till dinner: which free offer made his host somewhat to suspect him, especially considering he had seene his two bags; whereupon he promised to prouide a horse for him against the next morning. Hauing therefore got him on horseback by breake of day, & accompanying him to the place where he thought it fittest to arrest him, he tooke him such a bastinado in the nape of the necke, that he strucke him downe to the ground, so amazed that he knew not where he was; and afterwards made such agreement with him (crying out onely for mercy) that hauing taken as much of the stolen mony as he thought good, he returned home againe with his horse. Now it so fortuned, that one of those who went post to pursue the theefe, found him with the remainder of his mony going towards Montargis; and knowing him to be the man he sought for, he fed him so with faire words, that he drew him along with him to the next towne, and there committed him ouer to the Iustices to be sent to Montargis; where being imprisoned, he confessed [Page] the fact, and accused his host, who was presently sent for, to the end they might be confronted together: and notwithstanding his deniall of the fact, was condemned to the racke. But he appealed to the Court of Parliament at Paris, where he was broken vpon the wheele, the seruant escaping better cheape, being onely hanged.

16 Thus hauing alledged sundry examples of the cunning and boldnesse of our moderne theeues, it will not be amisse to record an ancient storie taken out of the Author, for whose Apologie this treatise is a preparatiue. Though in so doing, I shall passe the bounds which I haue prescribed to my selfe, and anticipate the argument of the bookes ensuing: notwithstanding because it will not be preiudiciall, but rather beneficiall to the Reader, I am easily drawne to dispense with my selfe herein. Marke then the story of the sleight and pollicie (or rather sleights and pollicies) of one Villon, not borne in France but in Aegypt, and that not some few yeares since, but aboue fiue and twentie hundred yeares ago: which story (taken out of HERODOTVS) I will here translate with greater fidelitie, then either Laurentius Valla in his Latin translation (such as it was before my refining of it) or the French, which is now extant. These therefore are his words. ‘A King of Aegypt called Rampsinit, minding to lay vp his treasure in a safe place (whereof he had far greater store then euer any of his successors) he built a house all of hewen stone, a part whereof stood out from the other building, to which there was easie accesse. But the Mason being disposed to play the knaue with him, left a stone loose in the building, which might easily be taken out of the wall by two, or (if need were) by one. The worke being finished, the King layd vp his treasure therein. After a time, the Mason perceiuing that his glasse was almost runne▪ and the lease of his life wel neare expired, called vnto him his two sonnes, and told them how (to the end he might leaue them wel prouided for, and that they might haue wherewith to make merry when he was gone) he had vsed a fine deuice in building the closet for the Kings treasure: and hauing shewed them in particuler how they should take out the stone, he gaue them the measure of it, assuring thē that if they kept it carefully, they should be keepers of the Kings treasure. Their father being dead, they stayed not long befo [...]e they assayed the meanes prescribed. For comming shortly after to the Kings pallace in the night, and finding the stone, they tooke it out very easily, and stole the [...] [...] [...]ightie masse of mony. The King comming thither not long after, and perceiuing that his coffers were not so ful as they were accustomed, wondered not a little; yet could not tell whom he might accuse, considering all the doores were surely locked, and all things sealed as he had left them. But comming thither the second and third time, and perceiuing that his treasury diminished dayly (for the theeues repaired thither continually) he caused [...]innes and snares to be se [...] round about the place where the treasure lay. The theeues repairing thither as they were accustomed, one of them hauing entred in, and coming neare to the coffers, perceiued that he was intangled in a snare: and knowing in what danger he was, called to his brother, and told him what misfortune had befallen him, willing him to come in quickly, and to cut off his head: for (said he) if I be found here, and knowne, I shall be the cause of thy death also. His brother being [...]asily perswaded (as liking well his aduice) did as he had bidden him. And hauing layd the stone in his place again, returned home, carying with him his brothers head The King coming to his closet early in the morning, was exceedingly amazed to see the theeues body in the snare without a head, especially cōsidering there was no breach in the wall, by which he might enter in. Departing therfore thence, he did as followeth. [Page] He commanded that the dead corpes should be hung vpon the wall, committing the custodie thereof to his guard, straightly charging and commaunding them, that if they espied any that did mourne, or bewray any griefe or compassion at the sight thereof, they should attach them, and bring them before him. The mans mother, much perplexed that her sons body was thus hung vp, came to her other son, desiring him to deuise some meanes to take downe his brothers body, threatning him, that if he would not, she would informe the King that he was the man that had stolen his treasure. He hauing bene sundry times threatned and rated by his mother in this sort, and perceiuing that she would not desist for all the reasons he could alledge, deuised this sleight. He sadled certaine Asses, and lading them with rundlets of wine, draue them before him; and being come to the place where the guard watched the corps, he let loose the hoopes of the barrels, making way for the wine to runne out, and then began to cry out and to beate his head, as not knowing to which of the asses he should run first. The guard seeing so much wine spilt, ranne thither with vessels thicke and threefold, thinking the more they saued the more they should gain. Where he in the meane time faining as though he had bene horne mad for anger, reuiled and cursed them all. But seeing they spake him so faire, and entertained him with so good language, he made shew by little and little as though he had bene pacified and had forgotten his former furious fit; and after much ado hauing gotten his Asses out of the way, he mended his barrels. Now among other speeches which passed betweene them in the meane time, one of the companie being very pleasant, brake a iest vpon him which made his worship laugh; in lieu whereof he bestowed one of his barrels vpon him, which they resolued to draw drie, and to carouse of in the same place and plight they were in, intreating him to beare them companie. Whereunto he condescended, and stayd with them. And because they had so kindly entertained him and made him such sport, he presented them with a second barrell: so that hauing that blessed abundance, euen wine at will, they neuer left tipling and carowsing, till their wits stood wetshod; and being in the end ouercome with sleep, they rested in the same place. He then in the dead time of the night went and tooke downe his brothers body; and to the further disgrace of the guard, shaued all their right cheekes: and laying the body vpon one of his Asses, returned home againe, hauing fully accomplished his mothers desire. The King hearing that the body was stolen▪ as highly displeased; and resoluing by some meanes to find out the theefe that had committed the fact, he vsed this deuice (which notwithstanding I can scarce beleeue.) He commaunded his daughter to go to a brothel-house, and there to prostitute her self to all comers; vpon condition they should first acquaint her with the most notorious fact, and cunningest knauery that euer they committed: and that he that should confesse the stealing of the theeues carcasse, should forthwith be attached by her, and sent to the Court. Whilest then the Kings daughter addressed her selfe to fulfill her fathers mind, the rumour of the Kings intended resolution came to the theefes eares, who purposing to shew that he was more crafty in preuenting, then the King in inuenting this wile, thus deluded his daughter: he cut off a mans hand newly dead▪ and keeping it close vnder his gowne, went to visit her. Where she asked him the same question she had demaunded of others. Wherupon he told her, that the most wicked and notorious fact that euer he committed, was the cutting off of his brothers head, who was taken in a snare as he aduentured to rob the Kings treasure; and the wittiest was the taking downe of his corpes from the gibbet, after he had made the guard drunke. She hearing this, [Page] layd hands on him, with intent to apprehend him: but the knaue (by reason of the darknesse of the place) gaue her a dead mans hand in stead of his owne: so that whilest she thought she had him fast by the hand, he slipt away, leauing her this liuelesse pawne to vse at her pleasure. Which when the King heard, he was greatly astonished, as well at the craft, as at the boldnesse of the theefe. In the end he sent his Heralds throughout all his dominions, commaunding them to proclaime in the Kings name, that he would not onely pardon him that had done this fact, but highly aduance him if he would repaire to the Court. The theefe reposing himselfe vpon the gracious pardon of the Prince, went to the Court: where King Rampsinit hauing him in great admiration, gaue him his daughter to wife, as being the wittiest man in the world. In that, as the Aegyptians excelled all other men in wit and wiles, so he excelled all other Aegyptians.’ This is the history as HERODOTVS relates it, which I haue translated almost word for word as neare as I could, to keepe the proprietie and grace of our tongue; a thing as difficult in translating of him, as of any Greek writer whatsoeuer, and that for sundry reasons not necessary here to be stood vpon. Yet this I will not omit, how that in translating hereof, I haue noted sundry scapes in Valla's translation, which notwithstanding I corrected not in my former edition. Neither is any man to wonder hereat, seeing I acknowledge in my Preface thereto, that I haue left a number of scapes and ouersights vncorrected, vntouched and vncensured: considering also that the diligence which is seene in perusing a text when a man translateth it himselfe, is farre greater, then when he correcteth another mans worke, endeuoring to saue the credit of the translator as much as may be: especially when he doth it in hast, as it is wel knowne I did. Yet I denie not but that there are some places in the translation of this story, wherein I could not satisfie my selfe: and therefore I perswade my selfe I shall much lesse satisfie those who are skilfull in the Greeke tongue. But I presume, that they who are most cunning, and consequently do best conceiue the difficulties with which I was to encounter, will of all others be most easily satisfied. Now this history suteth so wel with the argument in hand, that I could not wel omit it, being written of a theefe, whom the author graceth with the two properties specified in the former examples, to wit, craftinesse and boldnesse, and both in the highest degree. Whereby we may learne what vse there is to be made of paralleling of histories, especially of ancient with moderne. For whereas the cunning and boldnesse of this old theefe, may haply at the first seeme strange and almost incredible; yet if we compare it with the craft and boldnesse of our moderne theeues, we shall find that there is no such cause it should be thought so strange. And for as much as it may be thought somewhat hard, that the King could find in his heart to prostitute his daughter in such sort (as it is indeed very harsh I confesse) yet soundeth it not so harshly in my eares, as this their censure of HERODOTVS doth (for I haue heard many euer excepting, especially against this point) sith himselfe protesteth that he giues no credit thereunto, but only relates it as he heard it. And yet I could alledge (if need were) sundry stories, which we must either account false and fabulous (whereas notwithstanding they are holden to be most certaine and infallible) or confesse that in this there is great semblance of truth.

17 But whilest I was copying this story out of HERODOTVS, another came into my mind of a theefe, or rather a cutter by the high way, infinitely more resolute then the former, and as bold and venterous as any of that cutting crue, whose fell and felonious attempts and actions haue bin before remembred. [Page] Dion the historian recordeth the history of this theefe (or rather captain of theeues) who kept such a ruffling in the raigne of Seuerus the Emperour about 195. yeares after Christ. A certaine Italian (saith he) called Bulas, hauing gathered a troupe of six hundred theeues, cōmitted great robberies in Italy for the space of two yeares, maugre the Emperour and the many garrisons residing in those quaters. Diuers sought to take him, because the Emperour was desirous to haue him apprehended: but he so handled the matter, that those which saw him, saw him not, those which found him, found him not, and those that had him, had him not; which he did partly by liberall and bountiful gifts, partly by craftie wiles: which he knew well how to put in practise in time and place. For he had intelligence of all such as at any time went out of Rome, or arriued at Brundusium (called by some Brendis) how many they were, so also of what qualitie and condition, and what substance they had. Some he forthwith dismissed after he had taken from them part of their goods: tradesmen he detained for a time, and when they had serued his turne, he recompenced them for their labour and paines, and afterward sent them away. And vnderstanding on a time that two of his men should be exposed to wilde beasts, he came to the Iayler and made him beleeue that he was the Prouost-marshall of the country, and that he stood in need of the men whom he had in prison, and thereupon caused him to deliuer them into his hands. Then going to the captaine that had commission to discomfite hm and his troupe, he began (as if he had bene some third person) to reuile the theefe, (that is himselfe) promising him that if he would follow him, he would deliuer him into his hands. Whereupon drawing him along with him into a valley vnder colour as though he would apprehend Phaelix (for so was Bulas surnamed) he layd hands on him, and counterfetting the person of the Prouost-marshall, sate downe in the iudgement seate; where hauing called the captaine before him, hee caused one of his men to shaue him; and hauing so done, he dismissed him, saying, Bid thy maister haue more care of his vassals, lest in the end they all turne theeues: (for he had of his crue at that instant a multitude of the Emperours seruants, some who for want of pay, and others by reason of their slender pay had left the Emperours seruice to follow him.) Of which when Seuerus was particularly informed, he was mightily incensed, taking it in high scorne, that he who had bene so victorious ouer his enemies in Brittaine by his Lieutenant, himselfe being in Italy in proper person, should be so bearded and braued by a theefe. Whereupon he gaue a new commission to one of his guard for the apprehending of him, and sent him with a great troupe of horsemen, threatning him with death if he brought him not aliue. The Captaine hauing reciued such a peremptory commaundement, vnderstanding that he was wont to entertaine another mans wife, caused her husband to perswade her to assist him in the busines, that so he might be sure to surprise him. And by this sleight he was caught whilst he was asleep in a caue, & was afterwards brought before Papinian (gouernour of the Prouince) who asked him why he gaue himselfe to robbing and spoiling? to whom he answered by propounding another question; And why (Sir) are you a gouernour? After this he was cast to wild beasts: whereupon his fellowes (to the number of sixe hundred) were dispersed, as vnable to do any thing without their captaine.

18 There remaine two other sorts of theeues, of which I had rather here speake then deferre them to the next Chapter, which I reserue for such as make no open profession of stealing, but cloke their knaueries vnder colour of their calling: which to speake the truth are none of the smallest (as most of those heretofore [Page] mentioned) but of the greatest and grossest, to wit, Pirates and Bankerupts. First for Pyrates; they are I confesse no new vpstarts, but of great standing, euen from all antiquitie, as may appeare by certaine verses of Homer, alledged by Thucydides. Yet our Age, number for number, hath had more cunning and skilfull, more dangerous and hurtfull theeues in this kind then any of the former. He amongst auncient pirates is famous for his boldnesse, who being brought before Alexander the great, and demaunded how he durst be so bold as to play the pirate in the narrow seas? answered, Because I do this with a single ship, I am called a theefe, thou that doest the like with a great fleete, art called a King. Which answer pleased Alexander so well (as the story reports) that he pardoned him. Here note that the word pirate which I haue translated theefe, signifieth one that robbeth by sea, whom we call a rouer, or sea-robber: which generall word I was the more bold to vse, because it suteth better with the other generall, viz. robberies. But whether we vse the generall or the particular, it skilleth not: we haue here the answer of a very bold theefe, especially seeing he had to deale with such a mighty monarch as Alexander was. Notwithstanding I perswade my selfe, that he that shall well consider the dealing of Dragut (a pirate of our time) shall find that he was nothing inferiour in boldnesse and subtiltie either to him or a dozen of any of the most famous theeues mentioned in auncient stories. Concerning Bankerupts, I will not say of them as I did of Pirates, that they are as old as the man in the Moone. For certaine it is, there were no bankerupts till long after pirates began to roue, seeing it is necessary there should be banks before there could be any bankerupts: (for doubtlesse the coiners of this word, called them bank-rupts that kept not their banks, but brake them, which the Latins call foro cedere) and it was a long time (we know) before men knew what banks meant, namely before there was such trafficke as now there is. And as banks are more in vse at this day then euer they were, so breaking is more vsuall, there being as many bankerupts in some places as good bankers. In some places (I say): for I except France, as worthy to haue this honour giuen vnto it (not for that it is my natiue country, but because it is a truth cleared by daily experiēce) in that it is not so addicted to this kind of theft, as other countries are, and Italy aboue the rest. For it stands with good reason, that those who first brought vp the vse of banks, should be more expert therein then their scholers, and should reserue some secret or other to themselues, how they may breake bankes and become bankerupts, if they chance to be wearied with that occupation. For as they who are in good credite and account, and mistrusted by none, need no great cunning to become bankerupts: so they whose credite beginneth to cracke, and to whom men haue an eye, cannot handsomly breake without many sleights and subtilties. Albeit these latter (as experience sheweth) play the merchants herein more cunningly then the former. And verily the common saying, There would be no theeues if there were no receiuers, ought to be extended to bankerupts. And it further giues vs to vnderstand, how transcendent the wickednesse of this age is in comparison of the former. For now arrant theeues do not onely scape scot [...]free, but find abettors euen amongst those that should represse them, and who onely haue the sword in their hands to execute the law vpon them. Nay there are some Churches in Italy which are professed sanctuaries of roguery: and rather harbour a theefe that hath stolen ten or twentie thousand pounds, then one that hath cut a purse not worth a groate. And it is grown now to a custom to giue dayes of payment, yea day after day; during which time, honest men who are cosened of all their goods in this sort, are constrained to see these conicatchers make [Page] good cheare at their owne costs, and yet dare not speake a word. Now these daies of respite, are strange alluring baites. I remember I was once in a place, where a side of a rich merchants house (who was a banker) had bene burned, where it was reported that himselfe had set it on fire, to the end he might with some colour obtaine a longer day of payment, whereby he should gaine twentie times as much as the fire had endomaged him. Yet I denie not but that such termes are sometime expedient, and that they were inuented vpon good consideration: I speake onely against the abuse herein committed. But leauing the deciding of this controuersie to more competent Iudges, I wil adde this one thing concerning these bankerout theeues, that though I haue spoken of bankerupts, taking the word bankerupt in his speciall and proper signification, yet I exclude not those that are comprised vnder the generall acception, whether they become bankerupts by hiding their heads, or making ouer their goods, or otherwise.

19 As for womens thefts, my purpose is to reserue them for th [...] kind of theft whereof I am hereafter to intreate, as being that which makes them much more famous or rather infamous: and wherein if not all women (God forbid it should be so) yet some of all sorts haue their hands. Whereas onely some filthy queanes, especially our puzzles of Paris vse this other theft whereof we haue spoken: whence I will borrow two examples which shall easily shew that the number of cutpurses is not smal. The first shal be of a woman takē as she was cutting a purse in the street, who perceiuing that the party whose purse she had cut, wold accuse her if she did not restore it again, tooke him aside, and leading him into a corner apart, told him secretly; True it is indeed I cut your purse, and put it in my basket among the rest, so that I know not which of them it is; see if you can know it better then my selfe. And thus she made him looke for it in her basket which was almost full of them. I haue also heard of an old woman, who seeing a poore wench much grieued for that her purse was cut, told her that she knew a good remedie for it: Deale (quoth she) as thou hast bene dealt with. The wench easily perswaded to follow her aduice, did so; and so it was, that in the first purse which she cut, she found her owne purse againe.

20 But before I proceed to prosecute the second kind of theft, I will shew a pitifull and lamentable thing accompanying these poore wretches executed for robberies, more to be bewailed at this day then euer. For where there is one that is touched with remorse of conscience, or confesseth his offence before he giue his last farewel to the world, or call to God for mercie, there are ten that die like dogs; hauing no more feeling of the frowne or fauour, the iustice or mercy of God, then bruite beasts. And how many are there (I beseech you) who are turned off the ladder whilest they are in their gibes and iests? One being in this case, said, Sirs, see you tell not my friends that you saw me on the gallowes, for so you may chance make me runne mad. Another; Masters, tell me in good faith, do you think I wold euer haue come hither if I had not bin brought? Another, when his ghostly father bad him plucke vp a good heart, for he should surely go that day to Paradise: O sir (quoth he) it will suffice if I come thither to morrow night. Another, when Sir Iohn told him, My friend, I assure you you shall suppe this night with God in heauen: answered, Go and sup there your selfe, for I am purposed to fast to day; or, Go you in my roome, and I will pay your shot. Another being vpon the ladder, asked for drinke, and because the hang-man dranke before him, he said he durst not pledge him for feare of the French poxe. Another being led to the gallows, said he would not go through such a street for feare of the plague. Another, I wil not passe [Page] through such a lane, for I am indebted to one there, who will arrest me. Another said to the hang-man now ready to turne him off, looke well what thou doest, for if thou tickle me, thou wilt make me start. But this of a Picard is most famous of all the rest, to whom (being vpon the ladder) they brought a poore weather-beaten wench that had miscaried, telling him that if he would promise vpon his faith and saluation to take her to wife, they would saue his life: whereupon desiring to see her go, and perceiuing that she was lame and that she limped, he turned himselfe to the hang-man, and said Attaque, attaque, elle eloque: Dispatch, dispatch, she halteth. And I remember that being at supper in Auspurge with Charles de Marillac then Bishop of Vienna, and Ambassadour for the French King, when this story was told; a Dutch gentleman who was at the table, paralleled it with another very like, of an accident that happened in Denmarke, to wit, of a man adiudged to the block, to whom (being vpon the scaffold) they brought a woman that had trod awry, offering him the same condition they had done the former: where the fellow hauing viewed her well, and perceiuing that she had a sharpe nose and flat cheekes, said he would not buy repentance so deare; vttering withall a Dutch prouerbe in rime, the meaning whereof is this, vnder a sharpe nose and flat cheekes there is no good to be found. I remember also that it was concluded out of these examples at that supper, that whores in former times were more hated and abhorred then at this day. But to leaue this discourse, and to returne in a word to the iests and scoffes of these wicked wretches, I will onely adde this one thing, that if there were nothing else to shew the power and efficacie of Gods word where it hath free passage, this alone were sufficient to proue that where mens consciences are touched to the quicke, such euents are seldome or neuer seene; because the word of God teaching what eternall life and eternall death meane, and piercing through (as the Apostle saith) euen to the diuiding of the soule and the spirit, causeth the stoutest champions and most desperate ruffians seriously to bethinke themselues of their future estate: whereas mens forged and deuised doctrines, vnder colour of religion, dull some, and minister vnto others matter of laughter.

21 I proceed now to the second kind of theft, which I kept in store for women, I meane that whereby they hornifie their husbands. And here calling adultery theft, I follow the Latine, where furtum (which properly signifieth theft) is often taken for adulterium, that is, adultery. For which cause it is called by a periphrasis, furtiua Venus, furtiua voluptas, furtiua gaudia, and furtiua nox. The like circumlocutions being vsed also in Greeke. And so a child begotten in adultery is called in French A stolen child, word for word, or begotten by stealth. Vn enfant desrobé. And verily (all things being duly considered) it will be found that there is no theft comparable to this, if we regard the common saying, That which is worth the stealing, is worth the restoring. Which cannot be said of the theft we now speake of: for how can a woman restore that vnto her husband, which she stealeth not from him, but rather alienateth and loseth in suffering it to be taken from her? or what honorable satisfaction may make amends for such a fault? Therefore it was excellently said by the wittiest of all the Latine Poets,

— nulla reparabilis arte

Laesa pudicitia est, deperit illa semel.

Who also in a ciuill and modest manner doth not onely expresse adultery by this or the like phrases, Laedere pudorem (which signifieth word for word, to hurt or wrong ones chastitie) but by others also which properly signifie theft, as when he saith, Auferre pudorem, and, rapere pudorem. Of the first we haue an example in the [Page] second booke of his Metamorphosis, in these words: ‘Et silet, & laesi da [...] signa rubore pudoris.’ Of the second, in the sixt:

Aut linguam, atque oculos, & quae tibi membra pudorem

Abstulerant, ferro rapiam.

And in the first,—tenuit (que) fugam, rapuit (que) pudorem. And in the Epistle of Helena to Paris: ‘Nec spolium nostri turpe pudoris habe.’ Which is spoken of a married man, and of her of whom he deliuered that excellent saying formerly mentioned. In which phrases we are to obserue the word pudor, shame, which signifieth, that a woman committing such a fact, doth not only loose her good name (as we say in French, Oster l'honneur à vne fille, To take away a maids good name) but euen all shame and modestie. We are here further to note, that our ancestors (to the end they might emphatically describe an impudent person, and shew how great a vice they iudged impudencie to be) called an impudent man a dog, and an impudent woman a bitch. But how (may some say) do these examples taken out of Ouid and such like Poets, agree to the former discourse concerning theft, sith in the verses where married women are onely mentioned, and not maids, it is not said that they defraud their husbands, but that, that is taken from them which properly belongeth to their husbands? To which I answer, that albeit women commit not this theft themselues, they are notwithstanding rightly called theeues; because that after they haue defrauded their husbands of the loue and loyaltie which they promised them by solemne stipulation, and set it vpon others, they yeeld and prostitute themselues vnto them, that so they may steale that from their husbands which of right belongs vnto them.

22 I say they prostitute themselues: to put a necessary distinction betweene such as are allured by pleasure, and those who are compelled by force. For she that (for want of bridling her lust) is become bankcrupt of her honestie, hath (doubtlesse) a whores forehead, and is in plaine termes a very theefe: whereas she that is not able to withstand the violence that is offered her, and so is constrained to yeeld to the wicked will of man; or is circumuented by subtilty, and so hath that taken from her which otherwise she would neuer haue yeelded, argues by her resistance not onely that she is not accessary to the theft; but that her chastity is nothing impeached or impaired therby. And what better guardian can there be of a womans chastitie then the loue which she beareth to her husband? For if loue be seated in the soule and not in the body; it must needes follow, that so long as the soule is not polluted with the body, chastity remaines entire without either spot or blot. And how may we better know that the mind remaineth pure, the body being defiled, then by a womās resistāce? Now that chastity is not seated in the body, it is euidēt by that phrase which is vsual in sundry languages, wherby she who before she was married was called a modest maide, is after marriage called a modest matron. Wherefore poore Lucretia did not iudge aright of herselfe and her owne estate, when she said, she had lost her chastitie, considering it is not in the power of man to depriue a woman thereof. Therefore that which she afterwards added, that her body was defiled, but her mind was vndefiled (as not consenting to the fact) doth controll her former assertion, this being granted that the soule or mind is the seate of vertue, and not the body. Which point prophane writers did not so well consider: for they do not onely excuse this her foule fact, in embruing her hands [Page] in her owne bloud; but haue hence taken occasion to extoll her to the skies, as a most vertuous and couragious woman, in reuenging the outrage done vnto her, by her owne death. But before I make answer to the first obiection, touching the violence and villanie, which (as they say) was offered and done to her chastitie: I would desire them to shew me what they meane by reuenge; for in my vnderstanding it is absurd, that an iniury should be reuenged by the death of him to whom it was offered, and not of him that offered it. I might further alledge, that she said not, Mors vltrix erit, or, vindex; Death shall take reuenge: but Mors testis erit, my death shall be a witnesse. As though she should haue said, My death shall witnesse that to all the world, which lying hidden in my heart, I am not able to expresse. I was so farre from being allured by lust and sensuality to yeeld mine assent, that my life by reason thereof is a burden vnto me, and as bitter as death it selfe. For answer to the second. Be it that her death were vindicatiue, yet it were but a reuenge of the iniury done to the defiled body, and not of the wrong done to the vndefiled mind, which is the seate of chastitie. Whereupon an auncient writer (whose name S. Augustine concealeth) hath this excellent saying, O strange and admirable thing, there were two persons, and yet one onely committed adulterie. But S. Augustine disputeth the point further in this sort: If it were not light skirtednesse and leuitie that caused her to companie with Tarquinius, she is vniustly punished, considering she is chast. For certes, the more her adultery is excused, the more is her murther condemned; and contrarily, the more her adultery is condemned, the more is her murther excused: this being granted, that it were lawfull for a man to kill himselfe. The same father commending the fine conceit of the foresaid writer, hath a finer of his owne in his second reason (if it be his) when as he saith, Si adultera, cur laudata? si pudica, cur occisa? that is, If she were an adulteresse, why is she commended? if she were chast, why was she murthered? Vpon which words a friend of mine (an excellent scholler, and one whom God hath enriched with many rare gifts and graces of his spirit, the fruite whereof is reaped in many places of Christendome at this day) made not long since this pleasant Epigram, which I will here impart to the Reader:

Si tibi fortè fuit, Lucretia, gratus adulter,

Immeritò ex merita praemia caede petis.

Sin potiùs casto vis est allata pudori,

Quis furor est hostis crimine velle mori?

Frustra igitur laudem captas, Lucretia: namque

Vel furiosa ruis, vel scelerata cadis.

I will here also set it downe in French as it was turned ex tempore by one of the Authors friends:

Si le paillard t'a pleu, c'est à grand tort, Lucrece,

Que par ta mort tu veux, coulpable, estre louée:

Mais si ta chasteté, par force est violée,

Pour le forfait d'autruy, mourir est-ce sagesse?

Pour neant donc tu veux ta memoire estre heureuse:

Car, ou tu meurs meschante, ou tu meurs furieuse.

That is,

Were that vnchast mate welcome to thy bed,

Lucrece, thy lust was iustly punished,

Why seek'st thou fame that di'dst deseruedly?

But if foule force defil'd thine honest bed,

[Page]His onely rage should haue bene punished:

Why di'dst thou for anothers villanie?

Both wayes thy thirst of fame is too vniust,

Dying, or for fond rage, or guiltie lust.

But not to speake of Christians, I perswade my selfe that if this fact of hers had bene propounded to heathen Philosophers, they would haue giuen no other iudgement. Sure I am of Xenophon, who in two seuerall places giues this reason why husbands may lawfully kill the adulterer, viz. because he steales from them the loue and loyaltie of their wiues, due to none but to themselues: For if (saith he) it so fall out that a woman be forced against her will, yet her husband will entertaine her as kindly, and loue her as dearely as before, so long as her loue towards him is hartie and entire. Which saying of his agreeth wel with my former assertiō, that there is no better gardian of a womans chastity, then her loue to her husband. Now this point I was the more willing to handle, as a cordiall for chast and modest matrons; that if they chance either by fury of the warres, or insolencie of the conquerours, to fall into the like inconuenience with Lucretia, they should not despaire as she did, but rather remember that which hath bene said, and make vse thereof: lest otherwise they runne from one mischiefe into another, casting the helue after the hatchet, as it is in the French prouerbe. Of which desperate courses we haue dayly examples, some whereof (as they come to my mind) shall be recorded in the Chapter of murthers.

23 But, for one that taketh the matter so to heart, that she stands in neede of such aduertisements, there are (I feare me) an hundred who had neede of other manner of admonitions, to put them in mind how straight the band of matrimonie is; and to withdraw them from the detestable opinion of the Philosopher, who labouring by all meanes to confound the order of nature, hartened on women by the example of an house, which is not a pin the worse, for lodging other guests and inmates beside the owner. Epictetus also (whom with Musonius I take to be the honestest of all the Philosophers) saith, that women in his time defended themselues and their sweet doings with the saying of Plato in his Politickes, That women ought to be common; and therefore they had this booke continually in their hands. Wherein though Plato did much ouer-shoote himselfe, yet it was the least part of his meaning his words should be wrested to this sence, or haue this construction set vpon them, which these modest matrons made thereof to defend themselues, and iustifie their dealing in the darke. For he said not, that women were to plight their troth to their husbands, that so they might keepe open house for all comers; but he aimed at another marke, which though it be not warrantable, no not in the iudgement of the very heathen, yet thus much I dare say, that it is farre more tollerable then the long taile of mischieues and inconueniences which adultery draweth after it. How euer it be, we may plainly perceiue by the testimonie which Epictetus giueth of the Romane Ladies in his time, that they tooke no such great delight in reading the history of Lucretia: for if they had, questionlesse they would neuer haue pleased themselues so much in reading Platoes Politickes, especially those places where such sweete sayings are recorded. And though women at this day haue not Platoes workes, it skilleth not, seeing they can say their lesson well enough without booke. Wherein I report my selfe to the dames of Paris, and to them rather then to any of our good gossips, not because it is the city wherein my selfe was borne, but for that the praise of all subtil sleights possible to be inuented (whereby they cuckolize and hornifie their husbands, sore [Page] God knowes against their wils) doth properly belong vnto them in the opinion of all vpright, conscionable and indifferent iudges. Which commendation he gaue them, who being told that the time would come when he should weare hornes as well as his neighbours, and be mocked as kindly as he had mocked others, said, he knew a good remedie for it. And being intreated to shew what preseruatiue he had in store against such cuckolizing, answered, That he would neuer marry in Paris: insinuating, that there was no place in the world where this inconuenience might worse be auoided. For my part, if I were to speake my conscience herein; as he said, that he loued Plato well, but loued truth better: so hauing made this protestation, that I preferre the truth before my natiue countrey, I must needs confesse, that though I haue trauelled through diuers countries and soiourned there no small time, yet was I neuer in place where cuckolds are better cheape, or (to speak more properly) where they may be made better cheape then at Paris. Some cuckolds are glad they haue such hornes, thinking themselues the better for them: others, who are not yet come to this preferment, watch oportunitie to clime thereunto. A third sort are mal-content with their heauie heads: but alas poore soules, there is no remedie but patience: for if they complaine of their wiues neuer so little, they shall be sure, not onely to weare longer and larger in spite of their teeth, but in stead of pulling them in and hiding them, shall be made to shew them to the world; as we see in the example of certaine kind cuckolds mentioned before, who commencing sute against their wiues for such dalliance and double dealing, got nothing but their paines for their labour, viz. to be pointed at euen by little children, who could say, these are they who caused themselues to be registred for cuckolds by the sentence of the Court. By which we may see, what difference there is betweene this and former ages; when (as Xenophon witnesseth) the law was so strict against adulterers, that they only of all delinquents were to die the death. But leauing the histories of former times, we see how men are permitted in many places of Italy (in such a case) to do execution vpon their wiues, without other forme of iustice. And I remember, that during mine abode at Naples (shortly after the beginning of the warre of Siena) a certaine An exile, or banished man Forussite being secretly entred into the citie killed his wife, whom he tooke at vnawares in the fact. And it was told me some few dayes after, that he was not onely acquit and cleared by the Court, but that the magistrates were about to enact a law, that all Forussites who stealing priuily into the citie could performe the like iustice in doing execution vpon their adulterous wiues, should not onely be exempt from punishment, but also redeeme their banishment. Yet I cannot iustly say that it was so concluded: but sure I am, that I heard it spoken by one of their chiefest counsellers, shortly after the death of their Viceroy. And though we had no other story but that of the Sicilian Euensong, it were sufficient to shew, that cuckolds were then made dog cheape. But I feare me, all that I can say herein, will be but so many waste words spoken in the wind, especiallly being directed to those who relie so much vpon the noddy like simplicitie, and cuckold-like bountie of their trim husbands. For doubtlesse there are a number at this day, cosin-germans to that wittall, who suspecting that his wife plaid the wanton in his absence, came vpon a time and tooke her at vnawares in the fact, and seeing his lieutenants shoes standing by the bed side; See (said he) a plaine proofe hereof. It is enough for me to haue seene it: and hauing so said, went backe againe, leauing them to make an end of their sport. And comming the next morning to his kinsmen and friends, told them what had befallen him: saying withall, O Lord how may a man be transported [Page] with anger? for when I saw the knaues shoes standing by the bed side, I could haue found in my heart to haue pulled them in a thousand peeces. But to returne to the argument in hand. Albeit this discourse would serue for no other end, yet it would serue to proue that those huswiues, who because they can so easily plant hornes on their husbands heads, are called gallant wenches, quicke witted, merry, discreet, wise, well spoken, sociable, or (at the worst) good gossips; should be termed (as they were in old time) theeues, bitches, and mastiue-whores, to omit their common epithete of salt-bitches. But it is now high time we proceed to the pranks which women haue playd so cunningly with their husbands, that it is not without cause that both Latin and Greeke writers call them thefts: for if adultery (how euer it be committed) may truly be called theft; much more that which is accompanied with such subtilties and sleights.

24 To prosecute therefore the examples of the fine fetches practised by our huswiues in such like thefts, farre surpassing (in my conceit) the wiles and subtilties of our ancestors wiues: I will begin with a sleight which I haue heard at Paris a thousand times, and haue found it since among the narrations of the late Queen of Nauarre, being so famous that it may well be the ring-leader of the dance. A certaine groome of Charles last Duke of Alençon's chamber, hauing intelligence that his wife (much yonger then himselfe) was very familiar with a yong gentleman; being at the first very loth to credite the report, yet at the last he resolued with himselfe to trie the truth thereof. Whereupon he fained businesse abroad for two or three dayes: where his wife being loth to let so good an oportunitie slip, without hauing her louers companie, sent for him straight after her husbands departure. But he giuing them not so much time as to be one halfe houre together, returned backe againe, and knocked hard at the doore. She knowing it was her husband, told her louer; who was presently stricken with such a bodily feare, that he would haue giuen all the points at his hose to haue bene gone, and could haue wished himselfe with the man in the Moone. But she willing him to make himselfe ready in all hast, bad him be of good cheare, and let her alone, for she knew a ready way to let him escape without danger. In the meane time her husband continued knocking at the doore, and calling to her as loud as he could. But she turning the deafe eare, made as though she heard nothing, and to colour the matter the better, called aloud to one of her men, and said, Why do you not rise to cause them to hold their peace, that make such a noise at the doore? Is this a fit houre to come to honest mens houses? If my husband were at home, they durst not be so bold. Now albeit he cried as loud as he could, Sweet wife open the doore, yet she opened it not till she saw her louer ready, watching fit oportunitie to slip away. Then opening the doore to her husband (who had but one eye) and bidding him (or dissembling rather to bid him) welcome in the kindest melting manner, she began in this sort: Welcome home sweet heart; O how glad am I of your comming? for I had a strange dreame this night, wherewith I was so delighted, that I neuer tooke greater content in all my life: for me thought you had recouered the sight of your eye. Then embracing & kissing him, she tooke him gently by the head, and closing his good eye with her hand, Do you not see (said she) better now then you did before? And whilest she thus welcomed him home, blindfolding his good eye, she gaue her louer oportunitie to slip away. The said Princesse further reports, how a husband-mans wife hearing that her husband was coming, caused M. Curate (her second husband) to saue himselfe in an vpper loft, by couering the trap doore with a fan: who wearied with staying there so long, looked through the trap doore, [Page] where he espied the womans husband sleeping by the fire; but the great Lout leaned so heauily on the fan (as he stouped downe) that both came tumbling downe together hard by the good man: who awaking at the noise, and asking his wife what it meant; Sweet heart (said she) it is our Curate, who borrowed our fan, and hath now brought it home againe. The simple sot tooke this as a sufficient answer; yet (said he) he returnes it very churlishly, for I was afraid the house would haue fallen vpon my head. She further maketh mention of a maid, who to the end she might more securely enioy the company of her louer, who was seruant in the house with her (which house the Princesse also mentioneth) scared her mistris out of her house (in the absence of her husband) by making her afraid of a kind of spirit called a Hobgoblin. But her husband coming home againe about two yeares after, & finding that his wife had remoued to another house vpon this occasion, brought her backe to her old home, telling her that he would not feare him a whit, though it were the diuel himself. And indeed he playd his part so well, that albeit the spirit (I meane the maide that counterfetted the spirit, who also ouerthrew and tumbled boords, tressels and stooles vp and downe the chamber) buffeted him the first night; yet he made the white diuell pay for it the night following, catching hold of her hand as she began to deale her blowes. Which puts me in mind of a like story which I haue often heard of my deceassed mother, of a maid that serued Iocelin Badius her father, who to scare all out of a certaine roome, whither she vsed to resort to solace her selfe, and spend the time in daliance with a seruing man of the house, counterfetted a spirit; which knauery had not bene detected but by means of the said Badius her master, a man of excellent parts, and great learning for those times, as appeareth by his workes. We reade also in Boccace, that spirits, hobgoblins and such like phantomes, haue holpen women to play the wantons in celebrating these mysteries. And verily since spirits and ghosts left walking by night, women which followed the occupation haue lost much by the bargaine, seeing this was their last and surest refuge. I remember well, that when I was but a child, a Parisian cosined her husband by meanes of such a Robin good fellow; which knauerie of hers was the argument of a play, which many yeares after I saw acted by the Players of Roane. See here (gentle Reader) how Monks and their mates (I meane their kind Kates) haue benefited themselues and made their trenchers fat (as it is in the French prouerb) with this opinion and perswasion of the common people; at which notwithstanding (since abuses were detected) euen they who before maintained sundry like trumperies with tooth and naile, haue made but a mocke and a matter of merriment. For we are not ignorant what Tragedies the Iacobins of Berne, and the Franciscans of Orleans played by meanes of these spirits, whose helpe notwithstanding in getting new customers, Monks and Priests vsed not, because the good opinion which men had of their holinesse, did furnish them sufficiently with sundry other deuices, as hereafter shall be declared: which could not for all that (since their knaueries were discouered) helpe them at a dead lift, and serue them as a Delphian sword for all assayes, as in former time. And can we now wonder, that true religion which hath opened mens eyes, and enlightened them with the knowledge of the truth, should haue any more mortall enemies then Priests and whores? Where vnder the name Priests, because Monks shall not complaine that they are forgotten, I include the whole frie and fraternitie of fornicating Friers, tag and rag, whether they be blacke, white, or gray.

25 But to returne to our modest matrons: let vs heare how a dame of Siena kept both her owne credite with her husband and Frier Rainalds also, to whom [Page] (although he was her gossip (as being godfather to one of her sonnes) before he became a Frier) she had prostituted her selfe, not once nor twice, but so often, that a man would haue thought she should haue bene cloyed, at least should not haue bene so greedy of such meate. It fortuned that whilest the Frier was with this filthy queane, and his fellow with her maide in a loft of the house, her husband came knocking at the doore, and calling for her. Whereupon she cried out, Alas, I am vndone, it is my husband. Then musing a little with her selfe, she bad the Frier make himselfe ready in all hast, and he should see how finely she would gull her husband, and boare his nose with a cushion. And hauing told him what part he should play in this pageant, she answered him (who was all this while rapping and bouncing at the doore) I come to you sweet heart, I come. (Now here you are to note by the way, that she had layd her child in the same place where the Frier and she had bene dallying together.) And straight she whips out of bed, and had no sooner opened the doore, but she begins in this sort: O husband, wot you what? I had little thought I should euer haue seene this houre, that we should lose our sonne: for except our good gossip Frier Renald (whom God sent hither in this our extremitie) helpe vs, I perswade my selfe we shall neuer see him aliue againe. Her sottish husband had welnigh swounded at the very first: but after a while taking heart againe, he desired her to tell him what the matter was. Whereupon she like a false queane began to relate euery circumstance in this sort: At the first (said she) I was almost dead to see the child swound in such sort; for I thought he would presently haue giuen vp the ghost, so that I could not tell in the world what to do: but (as God would) M. Renald our good gossip came at the very instant, and taking him in his armes, said, Gossip, the child is sicke of chest wormes, which gnaw vpon his stomacke, and will be his death except he take some remedy for them: but feare not, I will coniure them well enough I warrant you, and that quickly; for before I go hence, you shall see him as well againe as euer he was. And because (said she) we wanted you to say certaine prayers, and that the maide could not find you, he intreated his fellow to say them in an vpper loft; M. Renald and I hauing shut our selues here in this roome, because none but he and the mother of the child may be present at such a mysterie. And I perswade my selfe he hath the child yet in his armes, and stayes onely vpon his fellow, who if he had said his prayers, all were ended, for the child is now well recouered. The simple sot, nothing mistrusting his wiues knauery, sighed deeply and said, he must needs see him. But she fearing lest M. Renald had not bene ready, and in such case that he might not be suspected, said vnto him: O good now, go not in yet, except you wil marre all; stay [...]ut a little and I wil see whether you may come in or not, and accordingly I wil call for you. The Frier, who had the child in his armes, and heard their whole discourse, made himselfe ready at his leisure. And when he thought it time to let them in, he called aloud, Ho gossip, did I not heare your husband? The simple cockscombe answered, Yes marry did you Sir. Whereupon M. Renald bad him come in: and composing his countenance to grauitie, said, Here take your son, whom by Gods goodnesse I haue recouered; I did verily thinke he would not haue liued till night: but do you heare sir, you must erect a statue of waxe iust of his bignesse to the honour of God before the image of blessed Saint Ambrose, through whose merits our Lord hath shewed you his fauour. He then taking the child in his armes (as though he had taken him out of his graue) began to kisse him, and to thanke his good gossip for this great cure. In the meane time Frier Renalds fellow (to the end he might so play his part, as that it might be answerable to the pageant which he [Page] had heard from the place where he lay hid) came downe from the loft, and told his brother Renald that he had said the foure prayers which he had enioyned him. Which done, the simple fellow made them a banquet of the best wine, with store of preserues and sweet meates; and accompanying them out of his house with a thousand and a thousand thankes, recommended them to Gods protection: and causing a picture to be made in all hast, set it vp among his other pictures before the image of S. Ambrose.

26 Moreouer, we reade of sundry women who haue played strange parts with their husbands, through the counsell and aduice of Priests (or Monks) who had some interest in them; but those I will reserue (as reason requires) to furnish out the legend of Ecclesiasticall vertues here next ensuing, (lest it should be said, that for the great respect I haue of womens credit, I should ascribe that vnto them which of right belongs to Church-men.) To prosecute therefore my former discourse (after I shall haue once againe intreated the Reader to pardon me, if I be ouer-tedious in the rehearsall of some of these stories, the better to discouer these damnable deuises, and to breed a lothing and detestation of them, the memory whereof ought otherwise to be buried) I will begin with a fine feate played by a woman of Florence, as it is recorded by two Florentines, who haue written of it almost in the same maner. Whilest this Florentine was with her knaue, there came another, to whom (though sore against her will, yet for certaine respects) she gaue entertainment. She then hearing him come vp the staires, desired him that came first, to hide himselfe behind the bed, till she had sent the second away; whom, because she could not dismisse so soone as she wished, it so fortuned that her husband came whilest both were with her in the house. Then if euer there was poore womā put to her shifts, it was she, seeing she was to answer for them both at once, and to giue a reason of their comming: and as for the second, he could not chuse but be descried, hauing left his horse in the court, thinking her husband had bene gone from home. What doth she then? Marke the wile of a womans wit: she requested him that came the second, to draw his sword, and with an angry frowning countenance to runne downe the staires, and to say as he went, I vow here before God I will meete with him in some other place: which when he had done (not answering her husband a word, who asked him what the matter was, but that he wold meet with him some where else, which he boūd with a great oath) the good man went vp the staires, and finding his wife at the staires head (pensiue and sore afraid) asked her what the matter was, and why the man whō he met went in such threatning maner? She drawing back towards the chamber; that her knaue behind the bed might heare her, answered, Alas husband I was neuer in such feare in all my life; for here is a yong man within, a stranger whom I neuer saw before, who fled hither to saue himselfe, being pursued by one with a drawne sword. To be short, she handled the matter so cunningly by her prittle prattle (the gallant which lay hid, afterwards affirming that it was so) that whereas she like a villanous queane had done her husband double wrong in one and the same action, yet she made him beleeue that she had done both honestly and wisely, in foreseeing that no such mischiefe should be committed in his house. The good man then hauing inuited the knaue to supper, and furnished him with a good horse, brought him safely to his house to Florence. This was the Florentines feate. Let vs now heare how another huswife neare to Florence gulled her husband with the like; which though it may seeme at the first not halfe so cunningly carried as the former, yet it exceeds not onely it, but all the rest I haue remembred: so that I cannot sufficiently wonder [Page] how women should haue such wits & wiles to saue their credit & good name, and in the meane time shold be so ill aduised to hazard the same. But the prouidence of God is much more to be wondred at, in causing these shifts and deuices (inuented to cloke their knaueries) to be the only meanes to discouer them to the world, and propagate them to posteritie: which ought to teach vs to walk before him in feare. This gentle Gillian then hauing hid her varlet vnder the bed, went forthwith to her husband (who came home whē she litle expected) and began to chide him exceedingly, telling him that it seemed he was purposed to cōmit her into the sergeants hands, who were but newly departed, hauing ransacked euery corner of the house. The poore man quaking to heare such newes, asked her aduice what was best to be done, cōsidering the gates of the citie were already shut. She told him she knew no better course then to hide himself in the doue-coat: where hauing mewed him vp, & taken away the ladder, to put him in greater feare, she caused her knaue to counterfet the Sergeant, and after he had made a great rumbling noise about the house, she slept with him securely, holding him close prisoner of whō she stood in feare. It were infinite to recount al the sleights and subtilties which are reported of these huswiues (to omit those that are dayly inuented) though I should but only reckon vp such as haue bene plaied at Paris, where notwithstanding women haue no such need of a Robin good fellow to helpe them at a pinch, as in other places, considering the great libertie (or licence rather) which is granted them. Now as we haue spoken of some theeues more cunning then bold, and of others more bold then cunning: so we haue examples of two sorts of theeuish queanes to instance this kind of theft whereof we now speake. And to begin with their boldnesse and impudencie: I remember a notable example of a woman whom I haue seene sundry times at Paris, who hearing her husband knock at the doore as she was in bed with her louer, would not once stirre a foote, but charged the porter (to whom she had giuen the watchword) that he should not open the doore till he had bene soundly wet a full houre by the clocke, to the end she might enioy her knaues companie the longer, and commit her villanie at her pleasure. Where her silly husband (nothing mistrusting such false play) continued crying and calling, Wife open the doore. But the more he cried, the more she cursed, saying, that he laboured but in vaine, and that she was too cunning to be deceiued by such a companion, though he knew wel how to counterfet her husbands voice, threatning him withall, that if he would not be gone, she would crowne him with such a garland as he would not like of. In the end when she thought it fit time (hauing hid her sweet heart) she set the porter to open the doore: to whom notwithstanding she cried out at the window (to colour the matter the better) Thou knaue, why doest thou open the doore to this ruffian? thou shall answer for this geare. This pageant (being much like to one formerly mentioned) was played at Paris about seuenteene yeares ago.

27 But as the seldome and rare apparition of spirits hath not a little endomaged popish Priests and wanton women: so doubtles both of them haue lost much by the bargaine, since pilgrimages grew out of request, those especially, who because they could haue no childrē by their husbands, were wont to seek the help of some good Saint. True it is indeed they haue recourse to processiōs also (which are yet in some credit.) But going on pilgrimage (I can tell you) was another manner of matter then going in procession; for our Ladie of vertues would by one means or other make vertues of vices before they came home again. Concerning Priests, I remember a subtill sleight inuented by a woman dwelling neare Amboise, which hath nothing common with the former, being such a deuice as by Gods iudgment [Page] befell the Priest who followed her direction. The story (which is famous amongst fiue hundred) is this: The Curate of Onzain neare to Amboise, perswaded by his hostesse (whō he kindly entertained) to make as though he would be gelded (to preuent the suspition and iealousie of her husband,) and the feate to be done by one M. Peter des Serpens, borne at Villantrois in Berry, sent for his kinsfolks, and hauing told them that though he durst neuer discouer vnto them his maladie, yet he now found his case to stand in such tickle termes, that he was constrained to take that course: whereupon he made his will, and hauing told M. Peter (to colour his knauery the better) that if he chanced to die, he would forgiue him with all his heart (albeit he had secretly agreed with him onely to make a flourish, and for this end had giuen him foure French crownes) he put himselfe into his hands, suffering himselfe to be bound, and in all points to be handled as one that desired to be cut indeed. But it is to be noted, that as the Priest had agreed with M. Peter onely to make a flourish as though he would do something: so his host (who had intelligence of this pageant) had couenanted with him vnder hand to geld him indeed, promising to giue him twise as much as he had receiued of the Priest to counterfet and do nothing: so that being perswaded by him, and hauing this silly sir Iohn at his mercie; after he had strongly bound him with cords and thongs, hand and foote, he went roundly to worke, and shewed him a cast of his office indeed, telling him withall, that he was not wont to make a mock of his occupation. Lo here into what a pitifull plight this poore Priest was brought through the deuice of this wicked woman, and how going about to deceiue her husband more cunningly then euer he had done before, himself was ouerreached by a cunning deceit, much more preiudiciall to his person. This accident happened about 35. yeares ago. Now this gelding of the Priest puts me in mind of another not vnlike, caused also by a woman, albeit vpō a farre different occasion. For Poggius writeth that there was one in Eugubium a citie in Italy, who being exceeding iealous of his wife, and perceiuing that he could not learne whether she vsed the companie of some other or not, threatned to do her a shrewd turne, and therupon gelded himself; that if afterwards she chanced to be with child, she might be conuicted of adultery. And as one narration draweth on another, whilest I was penning the second example, a third came to my mind, caused likewise by a woman, though vpon an occasion differing from both the former, which I would not haue related (it being so exceeding strange) but that I heard it credibly reported by one who is a deadly enemie to lying and leuitie. The story is this: The bastard of the house of Campois neare to Rōmorantin hauing sollicited a gentlewoman for the space of two yeares, and in the end won her good will: finding himselfe not so disposed to execute his villanie when she yeelded her selfe, as he desired; departed to his lodging at Chabris in such a rage and fury, that hauing got a barbers razor, he cut off his priuities, the indisposition whereof had frustrated him of his hope, and of the fruite of that which he had so long desired: and hauing so done, locked them vp in a cupboord. This accident (as I was informed) happened about fiue and twentie yeares ago. And because it serues so notably to discouer vnto vs what moodie, mad, and furious spirits this age affoordeth, I wold not omit it no more then the former. Albeit they make mention of two sorts of gelding, which appertaine not to the subtill sleights of women as the former.

28 My purpose was here to haue ended the examples of womens stratagems, but that one comes now to my mind which I cannot omit, though tending to an other end. (Notwithstanding all of them proceed from that spirit which hath euer [Page] bene accustomed to make men the instruments of their owne destruction.) See then as fine and cunning a stratageme as can be deuised (for I hope I may be bold to vse this Greeke word, seeing of late it hath found such good entertainment amongst vs) vsed by a woman of Orleans, to come to the period of her purpose, which was to draw a yong scholler to her lure, with whom she was in loue. For finding not how she might signifie vnto him the great affection which she bare him, she came to seeke her Confessor in the Church, and making as though she were in great perplexitie and distresse, hauing told him vnder colour of confession that there was a yong scholler (to whō she pointed as he walked by chance in the Church, little suspecting such a matter) who ceased not to sollicite her to folly, and so to bring him selfe and her also into a pecke of troubles: she earnestly intreated him to giue him such good counsell as he thought fit and requisite in such a case. And hereupon (as one who fained all this of her fingers) to the end she might draw him to her bower and bed, whom she had falsly accused to haunt her house, she told him in particular what meanes the scholler had vsed, viz. that his manner was to clime ouer the wall in the euening, at such an houre as he knew her husband was abroad, & after that to clime vp into a tree, and so to come in by the window: to be short, that he did thus and thus, vsing these and these meanes, so that she had much ado to saue her selfe. The ghostly father failed not to tell the scholler hereof, vsing such remonstrances as he thought meete. The scholler, albeit his conscience told him that there was not a word true of all that she had said, and that he had not so much as once entertained any such thought: yet made as though he tooke all in good part, as one that stood in need of such reproofe, and thanked the ghostly father. But (as the heart of man is prone to euil) he was not such an asse but that he could imagine that she accused him of that which she desired he should put in practise, considering she had shewed him the way which he was to go, and the meanes he was to vse; whereupon falling from euill to worse, he failed not to go the way which was shewed him. Not long after, the ghostly father (who had dealt in the matter in good earnest) seeing himselfe so cunningly abused, could not containe, but cried out in the open pulpit, There she is, there she is, that made me her bawd.

29 But it were infinite to recount all their daintie deuices, those especially which they vse in this behalfe: yet one thing there is very worthy our consideration, viz. that the false idolatrous religion (compared in holy Scripture to whoredome or fornication) hath alwayes bene the principall breeder and nourisher of this vice; and therefore the Catholike Cleargie (as they will needs be called) haue not onely wrought their wits and employed their fiue senses to inuent sleights, as well for themselues as for their paramours (whom they meant to abuse,) but haue vsed for this purpose that which they call diuine seruice, as namely the Masse, the very marrow of their Matins. For it is notoriously knowne, that they vse it ordinarily as a bawd. Nay they are come to this passe, to make their midnight Masses, or (for default thereof) their Matins and morow-masses to serue for the same end, for which the Pagans vsed their Sacra bonae Deae. Thus we see how besides these wicked wiles, deuised by our wanton wenches and light-skirted huswiues, many, nay infinite haue bin inuented by the counsel and aduice of these ghostly fathers: who like good Church-men should haue set them in the right way to heauen, whereas they like blind guides, led them the ready way to hell. But I leaue it to thy consideration (gentle Reader) how euen the meale-mouthed Monkes and maidenliest Priests of them all, behaued themselues in priuate; when they were not ashamed [Page] to defend the stewes in publike, euen in their popular sermons: as we haue heard before of Oliuer Maillard, who goeth yet a step further, and alleadgeth a place out of S. Augustine in defence thereof, and would make that holy and learned father beleeue, that he did approue of that which prophane Pagans haue condemned euen by the light of nature: for if we compare the dealing and demeanour of the heathen in this particular with that of many who call themselues Christians, we shall find that they haue dealt Christianly, and Christians heathenishly, that is to say, prophanely. For the heathen punished adultery very seuerely, and for the most part with death it selfe: whereas many Christians (as elsewhere I haue shewed) make but a iest of it, and a matter of meriment. And such are the times, and so great is the corruption of this age, that he that would haue examples of rare chastitie indeed, is to seeke them rather in ancient then in moderne stories. And here I remember that Baptista Fulgosius hauing recorded a storie of the chastitie of a maide of Alexandria called Pythomene, breakes forth into an exclamation, considering the difference betwixt maids in those times, & those at this day, which I wil set downe after I haue related the history as followeth: Pythomene being a slaue to a citizen of Rome, was so exceeding beautifull and of such excellent behauiour, that the Romane became in loue with her: but perceiuing that he could not winne her neither by promises nor by menaces, he began to hate her as much as formerly he had loued her; and thereupon accused her to be a Christian (as in truth she was.) All which notwithstanding, she persisted constant in keeping her chastitie, though it were with enduring a most cruell death, viz. to be sod in boyling pitch. After the recitall of which storie, Fulgosius saith, where are those maides to be found now adayes, who may not well enough blush for shame to reade this historie? sith most are so farre from making resistance when men offer violence (which notwithstanding they might do without danger) as that they leaue father and mother, sister and brother, kinred and acquaintance, yea and expose themselues to infinite dangers, onely to satisfie their beastly lusts: whereas she chose rather to lose her life, then her chastitie. The same author records other like stories▪ which would (no doubt) be accounted very strange, especially to such as make no more of fornication or adultery, but a worke of nature and a tricke of youth.

30 There is yet another strange thing worthy to be obserued, viz. that they who haue such quicke and sharpe wits in contriuing of these sleights (wherein they go farre beyond their auncestors) should on the other side not onely be brutish, but (as it were) blockish and senslesse in matters of common course or ciuill conuersation, especially in things appertaining to their saluation, which are as it were riddles vnto them, and cannot sinke into their heads; and therefore they lie open as a prey to all that will abuse them, as we shal see more at large hereafter. Whereas there is no such subtiltie or sleight but they can easily conceiue it: what say I, conceiue it? nay plot and practise it for the atchieuing of their wicked designements: which I speake not of women onely (albeit I haue alleadged no examples but of them onely) but also of men, who notwithstanding (all things considered) haue not heads to inuent such subtilties as women haue: besides they take libertie to themselues (so great is their corruption) to do that publikely which they condemne in women, though it be done neuer so priuatly; as though God had giuen one law for one sexe, and another for the other. Another reason there is why men haue no such great need of these subtilties and sleights, in that many vse force and violence, as we see in rapes, which are committed at this day with greater impunitie then euer they were. Yet when I speake of fine fetches, I must except our good [Page] Catholikes of the Popish Cleargie; who as they haue played sundry iuggling tricks of fast and loose, by meanes of their filthy bawds and bitches, whom they haue vsed or rather abused: so haue they done also by their sweet selues. That of a Franciscan is memorable among the rest, who married his fellow Frier to a rich widowes daughter (a gentlewoman of Italy) as hereafter shall be declared.

31 But to returne to the fine fetches and subtill sleights of these gentle Gillians: consider here a cunning conueyance which may well be called theft, at leastwise iuggling and double dealing, deuised by certaine huswiues, who knowing themselues to be barren, bumbast their bellies with store of linnen cloth and little cushions (yet so as that they may swell by degrees) and counterfet women with child who haue lost their tast, or are wayward, or long for strange meates, or are heauie and ill at ease; and at the end of nine moneths faine themselues to be deliuered of a child, conueyed secretly from a poore neighbors house, or perhaps from the hospitall. But this is not all. For as these barren Does haue vsed this cunning cariage: so haue they also, who when God sends them a daughter, desire rather a sonne, the better to content and please their husbands. It is well knowne that there was a dame of Dauphiné about fifteene yeares ago, who perceiuing that her husband bare her no great good will, for that she had borne him none but daughters, deuised this sleight to winne his loue again. She dealt with a poore woman, who counted much about the time with her selfe, and after she had obtained a promise of her that she should haue her child as soone as she was deliuered, and that she had practised all the fetches formerly mentioned (requisite to counterfet a woman in that case) being now to play the last and principall part of the pageant, she no sooner heard that the poore woman was in trauell of childbirth, but she began to grone, to lay her downe vpon her bed, as though the paines of trauell had come vpon her; & thus she continued groning, & waiting for the womans child that was promised her. Which was accordingly brought her by certain midwiues, and that so secretly that her husband did acknowledge it for his owne sonne, and so it was generally holden of the most. But here consider Gods iust iudgement vpon her, viz. that she could neuer set her loue and affection vpon him, nor find in her heart he should haue any thing to do in her house (though by meanes of the foresaid supposition he was left sole heire by his reputed father.) And her hatred against him increasing dayly more and more, in the end grew to that passe that he was constrained to oppose himselfe against her, and to seeke remedie by order of law: where he prosecuted the matter so hotly in following of his right (as being the sole heire) that he called her to account for all the goods that his father had left her. Which did so sting and cut her to the heart, that she went about to compasse his death; at leastwise it is credibly thought that he was murthered by her meanes. But consider another prank which is oftener played by womē with child, who desiring to be deliuered of a sonne (to winne the loue of their husbands) make enquiry against the time of their trauell for some poore women (who come neare their count) that they may agree with them vpon some reasonable conditions to haue their sonnes, whom they may substitute in stead of their owne, if haply they be deliuered of a daughter. Yet this is not the onely reason why women vse these sleights. But this I say, that those who vse these theeuish practises for the end before mentioned, are farre more excusable (if any may be excused) then those that practise them to the end they may enioy their husbands goods, and so defraud the right heires. On the other side, there be some who hide their great bellies, that so they may be accounted honest maids or matrons; or lest it should be knowne that [Page] those who are now their husbands, were formerly their harlots. For which purpose vertugals (inuented by curtizan courtiers) serue them excellent well. Whereupon a certain Franciscan descanted not amisse, who preaching at Paris on a time, said, that when women began to weare vertugals, they abandoned vertue, but the gale remained with them still.

32 And here I wil conclude this Chapter, though I am not ignorant that this argument would affoord store of matter to furnish a more ample discourse, and that I haue omitted sundry particulars appertaining thereunto; as traitors among the rest, who of all other theeues are most to be detested. For doubtles whosoeuer shall seriously consider their plots & practises, shall find them as it were compounded of all manner of theeuish practises. Nay I dare be bold to say, that he that will make an Anatomy of treason, shall find that it hath sundry veines (as it were) and sinewes of sacriledge, except we shall giue Philosophers the lie, who teach that friendship is a sacred thing, and therfore in no case to be violated: which notwithstanding traitors do, and that in the first place. Howbeit, I perswade my selfe, that there were not half so many treasons in old time, as there are at this day. Yet herein God is mercifull vnto vs, in that as the number of traitors doth more increase, so doth the senate of wise and deepe-reaching politicians, who firke and firret them out. Whereof I remember I haue read a memorable example in Erasmus his book de Lingua, of Pope Iulius the second his Embassadour, who by speaking two or three words bewrayed himself, at leastwise gaue occasion of suspition, which layd the first ground of his detection. The story, as I haue translated it out of Latin, is this. During mine abode in England, there came an Italian to the Court, sent as Embassadour from Pope Iulius the 2. to moue the King to war against the French. Who after he had deliuered his embassage before the Kings priuy Councell, answer was made him, that his Maiestie was for his part willing and ready to yeeld to his Masters motion; but that it was not so easie a matter to leuie such forces vpō the sodaine, as wherewith he might encounter so puissant a Prince; considering that England by reason of long peace had not bene enured to the warres: In answer wherunto, a word escaped him, which he might well haue kept in; for he said he had told the Pope as much long since: which made the Lords of the Councell suspect that (notwithstanding he were the Popes Embassadour) he fauoured the French faction; whereupon they watched him so well, that they found him conferring by night with the French Embassador: for which fact he was cōmitted to prison, and had all his goods confiscate. Howbeit if he had fallen into the Popes hands, it would haue cost him not only his liuelihood, but also his life. Now these words (so sottishly spoken by the Embassadour) gaue King Henry occasion to hasten the warres: whereas if he had concealed and kept them to himselfe, he might perhaps haue accorded both Princes, and set them at vnitie. This is the story as Erasmus relates it, speaking of it as of an accident which fell out during his abode in England; and therefore might haue certaine intelligence thereof, especially considering his great credit in the Kings Court. And I was the more willing to record it (though onely by the way) for that it affoordeth vs a very rare example of traitors, whose teeth are knocked out of their heads before they can bite: I meane who are discouered before they can atchieue their plots and proiects, or bring their purposes to their period. I say (onely by the way) because my purpose is not so to insist vpon them as to prosecute them to the full: but to content my selfe with that which hath bene spoken, leauing the Reader to search out other examples which he shall iudge fittest for this purpose. A matter of no great difficultie, seeing our [Page] moderne histories are (as it were) full fraught with them. And now I proceed to discouer, and (as it were) to point forth other thefts with the finger, not so easie to be descried. For though I here end this Chapter (which is too long I confesse) yet I do not bid adieu, nor giue a finall farewell to all theeues.

CHAP. XVI. Of the thefts of Merchants, Phisitians, Apothecaries, &c.

HAuing formerly spoken of notable and famous theeues, who being discouered, are straight condemned by the law, and sent to the gallowes, wheresoeuer iustice is rightly executed: It is high time I should now intreate of those who cloke their thefts vnder colour of traffick or trade, office or vocation: or (to speake in a word more plainly) who steale not like theeues, but like merchants, or men of this or that trade and occupation. But before I enter discourse hereof, I must intreate those whose consciences witnesse, that they are not of their number to whom I direct my speech, that they would not go about to make their quarrell good, who shall haply feele themselues to be galled hereby. For I protest, my meaning is not to speake any thing to blemish the reputation of such as walke conscionably in their vocations and callings, and demeane themselues therein as in the presence of God.

2 First then to begin with Merchants, their prouerbe is this, Où marchand, où larron, that is, either a merchan [...] or a theefe. Which many seeme to vse as a maske, to the end they may not be discouered in their theeuish knaueries. Others sweare they are losers by selling their wares at this or that price; in the meane while dispensing with their oath, be it neuer so false in the sence they would haue others to vnderstand it: holding it sufficiently warrantable, if in their owne sence and meaning it may passe for truth. For there is another prouerbe which saith, The merchant that is no gainer, is a loser. Whereunto they haue relation, when they sweare that they lose by this or that merchandize. I haue also heard of a starting-hole which certaine of them haue found out, when they sweare they haue refused thus much and thus much, for such and such wares. But I leaue their words, and come to their deeds: for we may easily beware of their words, if we keepe in mind the Italian prouerbe, Non ti sidar & non saray gabato, that is, Trust not, and thou shalt not be deceiued.

3 And seeing that thefts committed in selling of wares, are either in the quantitie or qualitie, I will first begin with the quantitie, consisting in weights and measures. And doubtlesse, I were worthy great blame (my conscience would also checke me of vntruth) if I should say that our moderne merchants had forgotten either their cunning counterpoizing of the ballance in weighing, or the quicke dexteritie of the thomb in measuring. Nay they are so farre from yeelding an ace to their ancestors herein, that they are able (in regard of their good proficiencie in the art) to reade a lecture to those mentioned by Oliuer Mayllard, and to teach them diuers subtill sleights and conueyances in weighing and measuring, inuented since for their owne aduantage. For touching the ballance, some can make it rise and fall as they list, and neuer be perceiued: and as for measuring, they are not [Page] content to vse the trick of the thombe, but of the ell also. And yet without the help of these sleights, they can make it come to their owne reckoning. Witnesse those who hauing some loose cloth, and not well fulled by the list (which is commonly seene in narrow clothes) will be sure in measuring it, not to go farre in the bredth, but measure it in the list as neare as possibly they can. These few examples may suffice for those that vse subtil conueyances in weights and measures. For if I were disposed to busie my selfe with such as giue indeed good weight and large measure (but it is good weight by their owne weight, and good measure by their own measure, both being false:) besides that I should tell you of a thing not vnknowne to little children, and which is cōmon to this age with the former, I should speake of a theft wherein there is neither subtiltie nor sleight. Neither wil I mention such as bearing men in hand that they sell by a great weight, sell by a small: or making as though they did weigh and measure by the standard of such a citie, weigh and measure by another. Both which belong to quantitie, as hath bene said.

4 Touching the qualitie, I meane thefts committed by falsifying and sophisticating of wares, it is a boundlesse and endlesse argument. First, there is no doubt but that may sleights and cheating trickes haue bene practised heretofore in corrupting and adulterating of wares: and that many are cōmitted at this day, which were neuer discouered before. And besides those that haue bene in former time, and are in vse at this present, many new ones are dayly minted, to be put in practise when others chance to be discouered: considering also that one country vseth this sleight, another that. And note, that when I say wares or merchandize, I meane generally all such things wherein a man may trafficke, comprizing herein gold and siluer coyned, as being mettals wherein merchants vse to trafficke, as in common wares: besides that they affoord meanes to trafficke in all other commodities. And because my purpose is (among other examles of falsification) to insist in these two mettals, I wil giue them the first place which they seeme to challenge of right: sith not onely all other commodities, but gold and siluer also are falsified, to get gold and siluer. First then we are to know that the falsifying of these mettals is very ancient, as may appeare by certaine Greeke and Latin words seruing to expresse sundry sorts of this deceitfull knauery. Secondly, that as the custome of falsifying mettals is ancient, so the meanes to discouer such deceitfull dealing is as ancient, as of gold by the touchstone: whence this French prouerbe grew, which I haue often heard at Paris: Il est de bas or, il craint la touche: He is a counterfet, he is afraid of the touchstone. But how many peeces of gold are there to be seene at this day so cunningly falsified, that they infringe the former prouerbe, in fearing the triall of the touchstone neuer a whit? How many peeces are there to be seene which must be deeply graued into (especially in Portuguizes, and other peeces of the value of halfe a Portuguize, as those of Saltzbourgh) or else melted to discouer the deceit? Moreouer, there was a time when gold was not suspected to be light, vnlesse it were clipped. Whereas now the fairest French crownes which are not clipped at all, are often the lightest, by the cunning of those who haue drawne out their quintessence by washing them. Further, we know how that not long since it was easie to know whether a peece were souldred or charged, whereas now there are some so cunningly souldred, that a man had need to put on his spectacles if he would not be deceiued. And whereas heretofore a counterfet peece of gold and a false peece of siluer (which we call a slip) was neuer so falsified but that it was worth at least the two thirds of the value: they haue now deuised a tricke to confound mettals so cunningly together, that some crownes coyned at this day [Page] are not worth eighteene pence, and some quart d'escus not worth two pence. I am not ignorant that there are diuers other subtill sleights found out to falsifie these mettals, but I hope I haue sufficiently spoken hereof, to giue notice how farre this kind of theft (now in vse) exceeds that which was vsed in the dayes of our auncestors. And I perswade my selfe (if diligent inquiry were made) that Alchymie (which hath bewitched moe at this day then euer it did, euen Princes themselues) would be found to be the true cause thereof. For as for those suiters who spent much time in courting Penelope, were at the last contented to enioy the companie of her waiting maid: so those who could not with their Mercury become so great Lords are they promised themselues, were at the last contented to become false coiners, employing in this fine art all those secrets and mysteries which they had learned in blowing so many yeares together.

5 Hauing now spoken of the falsifying of these two mettals wherewith all sorts of wares and merchandize are bought, seruing also as wares to trafficke in: it will not be amisse in the next place to intreate of such things, the mutuall intercourse whereof maketh most for the preseruation of mans life. What are these (may some say?) Verily such as serue for backe and belly. The number of which (albeit it be exceeding great and almost infinite, yet amongst those which serue for the nourishment of the body) I will single out such as are sold by the Apothecary, and of such as serue for attire, only woollen clothes and silkes. But here some may haply aske the reason, why I should bid battell to Apothecaries in this particular, seeing the greatest part of that which they sell, is extraordinary sustenance, seruing rather for the sicke then for the sound? I grant indeed that Apothecaries wares are vsually (and almost onely) for sicke folkes (if we except some licorish mouthes.) But I make choise of them the rather, because the falsifying of them is more dangerous. For whether is more dangerous, to adulterate the meate of one that is in health, or of one that is sicke? Doubtlesse it cannot be denied, but that there is greater peril in corrupting the diet of the sick, then of the sound and healthfull person. If any shall say, that all drugs which Apothecaries sell for the vse of the sicke, are not meates, but being conuerted into nourishment, become most pernicious. I answer, that such reasons make rather with me, then against me. For if potions be not ministred for nourishment, but for an Antidote to the disease (which may well be resembled vnto poison) how much greater must the danger needs be in falsifying medicines, then in corrupting of meates? Besides, it is not of late time that men began to crie out against the Apothecaries qui pro quo: and we haue already heard what sentence Oliuer Maillard hath giuen hereof, where he alleadgeth the prouerbe which was currant in his dayes. But to let them passe with the time past, this I dare affirme for the present, that the abuse then committed as wel in this as in other respects, was neuer comparable to that which is now practised, not so much for want of knowledge as of good conscience (though the error herein committed by our ancestors, may well be imputed to their ignorance.) For doubtlesse, neither simple nor compound drugs were so well knowne in the time of the former Preachers, as at this day. But to what end serue the books which instruct vs in the knowledge of them, except we reade them? To what end do the Doctors teach them, if men haue not care to learne them? What is a sicke man the better if his neighbours garden (who is very curious in searching out of strange herbes) be full of that simple whereof he stands in need, if the Apothecary minister some other vnto him which will proue perhaps as hurtful as the right would haue bene healthfull? To what end serues trafficke (which is now greater then euer) if Apothecaries [Page] make no conscience to carry rotten and mouldie drugs to the sick, and as long as they haue any such, neuer take thought for a new supply? Besides, to what purpose is it to haue a learned Phisition and fortunate in his practise, if his receipt fall into the hands of an Apothecary that cannot reade it? I hope Apothecaries are not so straight laced, but that they will grant that there are many of their trade who haue much ado sometimes to reade the prescripts of Phisitions. Of mine owne knowledge I can say thus much, that being in place where an Apothecary was perusing a receipt, I perceiued that he read a cleane contrary thing to that which a few dayes before I had learned at one of Master Syluius his lectures: and thereupon wagering with him touching the particular wherein I found the contrarietie, we referred it to the Phisition who had prescribed the receipt: who hauing demaunded of the Apothecary, whether he were not ashamed to make a question of the truth of my assertion, affirmed that the Phisicke so ordered as the Apothecary had intended, wold haue bene his patients death, though he had had a thousand liues. I haue also heard it reported by a very skilful and honest Apothecary, that himselfe heard an Apothecary at Blois, in stead of Agarici optimi (mentioned in the Phisitions prescript, and written with an abbreuiation (as the maner is) Agarici opti with a dash) read Agarici opij: which opium together with other drugs, wrought in the patient so contrary an effect to the Phisitions expectation, that except his skil and prouident foresight had espied the error and preuented it in time, it would haue proued the poore patients last sicknesse. But because (when any obiect against them this their accustomed kind of qui pro quo) they answer that they follow the example or practise of auncient writers, and do as those who in the absence of the Parson go to the Curate (as it is in the French prouerb) I would gladly request their further answer to this question, viz. whom they imitate of all the ancient Grecians, Latins, or Arabians, and how their comparison can stand, when in stead of an hot herbe or drug, they take one of a cold operation, and contrarily: And in stead of a drier they vse a moister: and in stead of a looser, a binder? &c. For I am not ignorant that the ancient Grecians haue written a catalogue of certaine drugs which might in case of necessitie be vsed in stead of others: howbeit they did it not without examining the correspondence of their qualities; in which point these hucksters follow them not. For proofe whereof, I wold gladly see them answer Matthiolus, who reckoneth vp a number of simples which they vse, mistaking one for another, and others which they falsifie and sophisticate by their mixtures and blendings. But thus it is, vnlearned Apothecaries wil be sure to make no reply, but will pull in their hornes, and say, that they do as they haue seene others do. Others who haue studied the nature of simples (though slenderly, God knowes) will not sticke to compare with such a learned man as Matthiolus was: nay some of them are not ashamed to preferre themselues before him, and to brag that they know some one herbe better then he did: and further, that they do nothing in vsing their qui pro quo, but they can giue a reason for it. To be short, they cloke their negligence or couetousnesse, or both, with certaine flight and triuiall questions, which they moue vpon some simples, presuming like Empericks vpon some experimentall skill which they arrogate to themselues: but poore patients (who in the meane time die in their hands, and pay withall for the pins) appeale from such skill.

6 But leauing this their qui pro quo, wherewith they cloke and colour their knaueries (though it may be truly said that they dance but in a net, and couer them selues but with fig-leaues) I will come in the next place to their other sleights, [Page] which though they be not so commonly practised, yet are such, as that those who are taken tardie in them, may assure themselues that processe is already out to attach them, if it be in place where iustice is rightly executed. And first I will begin with Saffron, concerning which Maillard complaines of such as vsed to moisten it, to the end it might be the heauier, and of those that mingled oile with it▪ fol. 66. col. 3. Nunquid ponitis oleum in croco ad dandum sibi colorem & pondus? He had spoken before of this wicked custom of moistning not only bags of saffron, but also of ginger, pepper and cinnamon, fol. 27. col. 2. Et vos qui ponitïs bags gingiberis, piperis, croci, canellae (& sic de alijs aromaticis rebus) infra caueā super terrā, vt magis ponderent. His former words are these: Et vos Apothecarij qui ponitis gingiber ad faciendum species, nunquid consilium datis seruitoribus vestris ita faciendi? And in the place which I first alledged, he saith of the same abuse. Habetis gingiber, nunquid permutatis cum canella ad faciendum species? These are (as I remember) the greatest complaints which this preacher taketh vp against Apothecaries and Grocers of those dayes. But (alas) if he were now liuing to see the demeanour [...] of some of them, he might well say that he complained without cause. For what is it (I beseech you) in comparison of that which is practised at this day? especially since the custome hath bene euery where so rife, to sell bags of spices ready garbled? who knoweth not that they dust ocre into it, and peeces of bricks beaten small, and oftentimes rice, coriander, and crusts of bread, to helpe the colour? And lest spices by such mixtures should lose the strength and sharpnesse, they mingle pepper of Callicut (commonly called Guinnie pepper) therewith: as also halfe graines of paradice, with poudred pepper, and beaten almonds with saffron. They also falsifie Scammonie sundry wayes. And as for Theriack (called Triacle) many Apothecaries take any rotten drugs of their shops that come first to hand, and hauing well beaten them, put inke vnto them to helpe the colour. In a word, there is not so much as Muskand Amber, which they sophisticate not. Besides, they put hot herbes into certaine salues and ointments in stead of cold. But I will referre other falsifyings or sophistications to be deciphered by those of whom I haue learned those alreadie mentioned, contenting my selfe with this which hath bin said, which may suffice to giue warning thereof.

7 There is yet another dangerous qui pro quo, where they put the dose of one drug for the dose of another, as when in stead of sixe drammes of a drugge which is lesse laxatiue, and two of that which is more, they put the cleane contrarie.

8 I proceed now to another kind of qui pro quo, more practised (I take it) in these dayes then euer it was by our ancestors, especially considering that Maillard maketh no mention thereof. What may this be, may some say? Verily when they minister to a man, phisicke prescribed for a woman, and contrarily: likewise to a yong man phisicke for an old man, and to an old man phisicke for a yong man: to one that is sicke of the dropsie, phisicke for one in a consumption, & contrà. Whereof a yong gentleman of Sauoy could giue sufficient testimony, to whom they ministred on his mariage day a potion prescribed for one that had a feuer, in stead of a drinke which should haue made him more lustie and frolicke; so that being in bed with his bride, he was constrained to purge all the night long the contrary way. But he at Lyons scaped not at so easie a rate: for a barber hauing giuen him a bottle full of aqua fortis (which he had taken out of a cupboord in the night, in stead of another water) and the patient hauing drunke it, it brought him to his end in lesse then foure and twentie houres; which accident happened about [Page] sixe and twentie yeares ago. Now if any shall aske what theft Apothecaries commit herein? I answer, that whosoeuer performes not his dutie in his trade, and yet taketh mony as though he performed it, is a theef; whether the fault proceed from his insufficiencie and want of requisite knowledge, or from carelesnesse by reason of a cheuerell conscience. But I shall not need (I hope) to speake further of this matter, to proue that our age deserues to beare away the bell as well in this as in other thefts: neither is it my meaning that my former discourse should any way cracke the credit of those who attend vpon their callings as they ought, but rather to bring them in greater credite with such as feare to fall into the hands of such like hucksters.

9 But I might haply be suspected to haue dealt vnder hand with Phisitions, if I should spare to speake of them, hauing spoken so largely of Apothecaries. I wil therefore (to take away all such suspition) enter some discourse of them also, beginning with that which I heard related in my fathers house at Paris in the audience of many, by a doctor of Phisicke, a man of good account (although this his relation did not a little blemish his reputation in the iudgment of all that heard him.) I had (said he) a fat Abbot in cure, and had brought him to so good a passe, that I could easily haue recouered him in a short time; but well perceiuing that whereas in the strength of his disease he promised mountaines of gold, with abatement of his paine he abated the promised and deserued reward, scarcely affoording me a merry looke or a faire word of any reasonable contentment: I took this course for mine owne satisfaction: I told him that I doubted a dangerous relapse, which would proue worse then the disease, and that I saw euident symptomes thereof, and therefore that it was necessary he should take another potion to preuent the worst. So I prepared and deliuered it, and it wrought the wished effect so wel, that, within two houres after, he found he had reckoned all this while without his host, and stood in greater need of me then euer before. Being in this pitifull plight, he sent for me againe and againe: but as he had bene forgetfull to content me, so was I vnwilling to pleasure him. I was (at least would be) otherwise employed. At last comes one of his men, who greasing my fist reasonably well, told me that his master intreated me for Gods sake to visite him, thinking verily he should neuer escape. This fellow hauing vsed the onely meanes to dispatch my businesse, intreated so well, that I went to the Abbot, whom within three dayes I recouered again, and made him as merry as Pope Iohn, neither did he afterwards sticke to regreet me with the said siluer salutation. This is the story, almost word for word as himselfe reported it, not thinking to disgrace himselfe any whit thereby (though he did to his losse, as he well perceiued afterwards, wishing, with a hundred lashes well set on, he might retract his ouer lauish disclosing of it, which so nearely concerned both his credite and commoditie:) but imagining that those which heard him did little fauour the Monkish fraternitie, he thought (belike) their dislike of them and their bad dealings, would haue moued them to fauour his folly, or at least to dispence with his cheuerel conscience in abusing the Abbot, and so mickle mirth would haue ensued thereon. But it was the will of God that the testimony which he gaue against himselfe should not be forgotten. Now then consider (gentle Reader) in what a dangerous case those patients are which fall into such mens hands. For if when they vse all their skill and knowledge, yea and all their conscience, they often hurt intending to heale, not knowing what they haue done till it be past remedie. What a lamentable thing is it, when of set purpose they hazard the liues of their patients, onely to trie some paradoxicall receipt, [Page] which they haue haply dreamed of? and (which is worse) when they purposely intend (the toy so taking them in the head) to wreake some reuengefull humour vpon those whom they haue in their hands, as when the barber holds the razor to a mans throate? But leauing this argument (as belonging to the tractate of murder rather thē to this of theft) I wil speake only of those, who the more they fat the churchyard, the more they fill their purses, cloking their ignorance with arrogancy and impudencie. For I perswade my selfe that this age and that last past, will better furnish vs with examples of the greedy couetousnesse and blockish ignorance of Phisitions, then any of the former. First therefore concerning couetousnes, where can a man find the like to that of one called Petrus Aponus or Petrus de Apono, professor of Phisicke at Bononia, who would neuer go out of the citie to visit any patient vnder fiftie French crownes a day: and being vpon a time sent for by the Pope, before he would go, he bargained for foure hundred French crownes the day. Which puts me in mind of that which Philip Commineus recordeth of a Phisition called M. Iames Cottier, to whom King Lewis the eleuenth gaue fiftie foure thousand French crownes in ready mony (which was aboue the rate of ten thousand French crownes a moneth) besides he gaue vnto his nephew the Bishoprick of Amiens, and diuers offices and lands to him and his friends: where he to recompence the King for these so great fauours, vsed him as if he had bene his slaue, giuing him such hard and outragious words as a master would hardly giue his seruant. But I will here set downe the historiographers owne words, who (as it is wel knowne) is famous aboue al that haue written the French storie [...], as being accounted another Thucydides. These therefore are his words in the Chapter where he sheweth how he suspected all men a little before his death. ‘He had (saith he) a Phisition called M. Iames Cottier, to whom he gaue for fiue moneths 54. thousand French crownes in ready mony, which was after the rate of ten thousand crowns a moneth, and foure thousand ouerplus: besides he gaue the Bishoprick of Amiens to his nephew, and other offices and lands to him and his friends. The said Phisition vsed the King so roughly with hard outragious words, as no man would haue vsed his seruant. Moreouer the King was so afraid of him, that he durst not turne him away (telling many how it grieued him.) Howbeit he durst not aduenture to cast him off, as he did all his other seruants; because he told him boldly, I know (saith he) you will shortly turne me off, as you do your other seruants, but (by a great oath he swore) if you do it, you shall neuer liue a weeke after. These words did so exceedingly terrifie the King, that he neuer left flattering of him, and giuing him what he would demaund; which was a great purgatory for him in this world, considering the great obeisance so many great Lords and men of worth had done vnto him.’ See here what this historian reporteth of this phisition: who in two other places maketh expresse mention of ten thousand French crownes which he monethly receiued. These few examples will make vs lesse to wonder at that which Froissart reporteth of a Phisition called M. William of Harsely, who cured the French King Charles the sixt, and restored him both to his wit & health; how that he died worth three thousand pounds in ready mony. But it shall not be amisse to alleadge the words of the historian, seeing he speaketh as wel of the couetousnesse of Phisitions in generall, as of the said William in particular. For hauing spoken of this his great cure, he further addeth, ‘that it was thought expedient and requisite stil to retaine this William of Harsely in the Court, and fully to satisfie him to his contentment: (for this is the period of Phisitions purposes, to catch the rewards, and to pocket vp the gifts of Lords and Ladies, great ones especially, whom [Page] they visit and haue in cure.) Well, they intreated him to make his abode with the King; but he requested them to hold him excused, saying he was old, weake, and crazed, and could hardly accommodate himselfe to the fashions of the Court: in a word, that he would returne to his owne home. They perceiuing him inexorable, would not retaine him perforce, but suffered him to depart, with a faire reward of a thousand crownes in gold; offering him moreouer, that if it would please him to make his repaire to the Court, he should be furnished with foure horses at the Kings cost, when he thought good. But I suppose he neuer came thither after. For being come to Laon (where his most abode was) death intercepted his returne. He died very rich, leauing behind him the summe of three thousand pounds in ready mony. In his life he was most miserable, taking pleasure in nothing but in treasuring vp store of Ark-Angels: his expences in housekeeping vsually not amounting the summe of two pence halfepenie the day, (for he would make bold with his neighbours for his diet.)’ All Phisitians are sicke of the same disease.

10 But I may not ouer-passe one who hath surpassed (I suppose) not onely the rest of that profession, but the rest of that qualitie, I meane of that couetous disposition (who died nine yeares since or thereabout) called Iacobus Syluius: one of whose tricks shall suffice to giue a tast of the rest. He was a man endued with most profound knowledge in Phisicke, and an admirable dexteritie in deliuery of his mind, so that he could speake readily as good and pure Latin, as his profession would permit: in a word, he was so rarely accomplished in regard of the Theorick, that if it had bin seconded by practise, he might wel haue bin reputed another Galen. But cursed couetousnes had so possessed and poisoned his heart, and had made him so to forget God and all goodnesse, that whereas (to manifest his gratitude to the giuer of those gifts) he should haue taught some poore schollers priuatly for the publick good: he contrariwise would not permit so much as fiue or sixe poore schollers to heare his publicke lecture gratis, no not among two or three hundred who payed him monethly a quart d'escu a peece. Nay, it strooke him to the heart to see at his lecture (in the Colledge of Tricquet in Paris, where he vsed to reade before he was the Kings professor) two poore schollers who had payed him nothing; so that he commaunded them forthwith to get them gone: which they being vnwilling to do, he told the rest, that except they thrust them forth, he would not proceed. Which I report not vpon hearesay, but as being an eye and eare-witnesse thereof. This fact was thought so strange, that a Scot (least he should vnprouided for at his death, which happened [...] till long after) made him an Epitaph, in a distich of excellent good grace, to expresse this his couetous disposition, which brought him into so great disgrace. The distich is this:

Syluius hic situs est, gratis qui nil dedit vnquam:

Mortuus &, gratis quòd legis ista, dolet.

That is, (as I haue turned it)

Syluius lies here in this graue,

That neuer any thing gratis gaue:

And still it grieues him being dead,

His Epitaph may be gratis read.

But besides his intollerable couetousnesse, he had this bad qualitie, to enuie the students of his profession, seeming to affect nothing more then to bring them to a dislike thereof. For proofe whereof I might here alleadge the oration which he made at his first and second lecture, when he was aduanced to be the Kings professor. [Page] But that I remember he wold often say, that a man could not be a Phisition without the knowledge of all arts and sciences; and that it was absolutely necessary he should be of a good and strong constitution. Yea, that it was meere madnesse for poore schollers to studie Phisicke: alleadging for this purpose (besides sundry other arguments) the saying of Iuuenal:

Haud temerè emergunt, quorum virtutibus obstat

Res angusta domi.

It being requisite (and that for many reasons) that students in this art should haue wherewith to maintaine themselues. But no more of this man. To come therefore to the couetous humors of others of his profession: we haue already recorded the storie of King Lewis his Phisition (as we found it in Philip Commineus) in whom this vice (as we haue heard) was accompanied with incredible arrogancie: yet those who haue read the story of a Phisition of [...] Syracuse. Sarragose in Sicilie (called Menecrates) will not thinke it altogether incredible: for he was not ashamed, when he writ to any Prince, to stile himselfe Menecrates, otherwise God Iupiter. This Epistle among others he writ to Philip of Macedon, father to Alexander the great: ‘Thou art King of Macedonia, and I am King of the Art of Phisicke: thou mayst (if thou wilt) put those to death that are in health, and I can saue the life of such as are sicke, and to the healthfull I can giue long life without sicknesse. Therefore the Macedonians which are liuing are thy subiects; but those that shal liue, are mine. For I Iupiter giue them life.’ To this King Philip answered very fitly and finely in a word; which being translated into English, cannot haue the like grace that it hath in Greeke. For all his Letter was nothing else but a salutation, which the Grecians were wont to vse when they writ to any, wishing them all health; as if he should say, Philip vnto Menecrates wisheth all health: there being an equiuocation in the salutatiō; for he referred that to the health of the mind, which seemed to be spokē (as it is cōmonly taken) of the health of the bodie: as though he should haue said, This shall suffice for a full answer, that thy braine is out of temper. But let vs heare another manner of brauado vsed by this diuellish Phisition, who would needs be called God. For seeing none but he (as himselfe bragged) could cure certaine diseases which were thought to be incurable; he bound his patients, that for the benefit of their health once recouered, they should euer after obey and serue him as slaues and vassals: which they did, all yeelding their sworne seruice to their said Soueraigne; and in their seuerall habits, one like Hercules, another like Apollo, a third like Mercurie, another like Aesculape, some like one god, and some like another, attended on this iolly Iupiter clothed in his royalties. But as the answer of King Philip wel befitted this glorious foole; so the seruice he did him afterwards, no lesse became his godhead. For, hauing inuited him to supper with all the gods of his retinue, in stead of such meats as others which sate at the table with him were serued with, he caused oblations to be offered vpon their table (whereon an altar was erected) and store of perfumes, frankincense, and sweete odours to be burned before them: which when these new gods saw, they stole away one by one, monstrously ashamed, but more an hungred. We further reade in Ctesias of a Phisitiō who had such a conceit of himselfe, that he presumed to make the daughter of a King of Persia his lemman, vnder colour of curing her of a disease. As also in other historians, how that certaine Phisitions vnder the like colour abused diuers Romane Ladies. Now let the Reader consider how many honest men may be made cuckolds by this meanes. True it is indeed, that a taylor of Florence (thus abused by a Phisition) was kindly reuenged of him for this iniury: for coming home and finding [Page] his wife weeping and exceedingly perplexed for the outrage which the Phisitian (intreated by him to visit her) had done vnto her neuer making shew or semblance that he knew of any such thing, he went to the Phisitians house about a weeke after, when he was from home; and taking a faire peece of cloth with him, brought it to his wife, telling her that he was sent to take measure of her for a peticoate; whereupon she going with him into a by-roome to vndresse her selfe, he vsed her, as her husband had vsed his wife. But to returne to couetousnesse, one of the two vices wherewith I began this present discourse; is it not strange to consider that there should be such couetous Phisitians at this day, as are not ashamed to importune and sollicite their patients (being as yet in no danger of death) to make them their heires, though no soule sibbe vnto them? And is it not yet more strange, that they should so inueigle them as to obtaine it of them.

11 I come in the next place to the ignorance of those horseleaches which take vpon them the profession of Phisicke: an argument so large and ample, that it might furnish vs with sufficient matter to fill vp a large volume, being also common to this age with the former. But I dare boldly affirme, that it is so much the more admirable and lesse excusable in this then in the former, in that the light of learning shineth now more clearely then it did in former time: or (to speake more properly) in that the palpable darknesse of those times is now turned into a bright Sun shine. For if euer there were art or science poorely arrayed, and pitifully handled, doubtlesse it may truly be said of Phisicke aboue the rest: on the other side, if euer there were art or science richly decked, beautified, adorned, and restored to it former splendor and dignitie; Phisicke questionlesse hath the pricke and the prise: especially since students began to draw that out of the cleare fountaines, which they had taken before out of troubled streames; considering also that many stand in no need of interpreters to expound their teachers. What a shame is it then (for I am ashamed to vtter it) to heare some Phisitians euen at this day call a clyster a cryster? For if it do not become a poore tradesman, who neuer learned his A, B, C; and if being pronounced by him, it sound harshly in the eares of such as haue but onely learned to speake in some tollerable manner: what eares (but those of an asse) can endure to heare it thus pronounced by those who do not onely professe this science, but enrich and raise themselues thereby? And let the Reader consider how they pronounce other words, who are so barbarous in this which is so common, and how they vse them crisse-crosse and kim kam. But what is it to me (may some say) though a Phisitian be ignorant of the trickes and termes of art, so he be skilfull in his profession? I grant indeed, that ignorance of the termes might well be borne with, if it were so: yet thus much I dare say, that those who are barbarous in the termes of Phisicke, do commonly practise the Art barbarously. (Howbeit when I speake of the barbarousnesse of the tongue, I include not the Arabian herein, so it remaine entire and in his puritie.) But how (I beseech you) should they be good practitioners in Phisick, who are not only ignorant of the terms, but of the very things themselues belonging to the Art signified by these termes? For example, though a Phisitian could not giue the proper name to such or such an herbe, it were not greatly material, so he knew it, and could shew it (if need were) to the ignorant Apothecary. But how should they do this, when as many who know the right names of simples, and who in all reason should haue more knowledge then any Apothecary, content themselues with this, that their Apothecaries know them? So that whereas they should controll Apothecaries, they are often controlled euen by Apothecaries themselues. Nay, some are so impudent, [Page] that they sticke not to say, that the knowledge of simples belongeth not to their profession, and that they must needs trust Apothecaries therein. Wherein (me thinkes) they do as one, who giuing good aduice, should leaue it to be practised by the first commer, not knowing whether he were able to performe it or not. For vndoubtedly the good receipt of a Phisitian, is a good aduice which he giueth his sick patiēt. But what a miserable thing is it, if he must trust an Apothecary therwith, himselfe being not able to iudge whether he do well or ill: nay, being altogether ignorant whether in stead of vsing such or such simples which are soueraigne and medicinall, he vse others which are dangerous and mortall? And I would gladly aske them (if I thought they would answer me) what name they best deserue in the opinion of the most competent Iudges that euer were, to wit, Hippocrates and Galen; who are neither good Herbalists nor Anatomists? For if in ancient time they thought it absurd to separate Chirurgery from Phisicke (seeing that a Chirurgeon, to speake properly and according to the Etymologie of the word, is nothing else but a Phisitian that worketh with the hand) what shall we say of those Phisitians who haue no care to know either the fabricke and frame of the body, or the nature and qualitie of those drugs and simples which they prescribe? but leaue the one to Anatomists, the other to those whom they call Herbalists. Neuerthelesse I am not ignorant that these different offices are not vsed euery where. Howbeit I perswade my selfe that all truly ingenuous who are not forestalled with a preiudicate opinion, will grant me that there are many to be found almost in euery place, who take vpon them the practise of Phisicke, and yet haue need of such officers and attendants to trot after their tailes (if I may vse so homely a phrase.)

12 I proceed now to other practises of ignorant Phisitians, no lesse dangerously pernicious then impudently audacious. Some there be that bargaine with Apothecaries to keepe the receipts of learned Phisitians, and to write in euery of them for what disease it was prescribed. Then, not considering whether their patients sicknesse proceed from the like cause, whether they be of the same temperature and age, and keepe the same diet; nay, not respecting whether the patient be a man or a woman, cause them to swallow the same pilles, and to drinke the same potions. Others vse the receipts of ancient Phisitians, hauing no regard of our climate and maner of life, altogether differing from theirs. Others follow their owne appetite in prescribing their patients a diet of such or such meats▪ so that a Phisitian who naturally loueth or misliketh these or these meates, will prescribe them or forbid them his patients accordingly. Others againe, being afraid to lose their reputation, prescribe presently vpon the first view of the vrine, not asking wherof the patient doth complaine: albeit many learned Phisitians acknowledge that a man ought not to trust too much to the crisis of the vrine, but to vse it onely as a help, being ioyntly considered with other symptomes. And if the learned haue small insight into vrines (as themselues confesse) how skilfull are the ignorant therein, may we thinke? Verily we assure our selues that they haue no skill in them at all: yet they are the men (forsooth) who as soone as they haue looked vpon the vrine, straight put pen to paper, to prescribe some receipt for their patients, without any further inquiry after such symptoms as might bring them to the knowledge of the disease. At least, that Phisitian ought ingeniously to haue acknowledged himselfe to haue bin altogether blind in such matters, or to haue put on a false paire of spectacles; who when one brought him a mans state, and told him that it was a womans who was thought to be with child; answered, that he knew very well by [Page] her vrine, that she was with childe indeed, and that she might assure her selfe thereof.

13 But leauing their other deuices to be discussed by those who haue more leasure then my self, I will speake a word or two of Barbers & Chirurgians: yet recording no extraordinary thing, but onely that which many vpbraid them with and lay in their dish, viz. how they deferre that to the twentieth or thirtieth dressing, which they might haue applied at the third or fourth, keeping the wound fresh & greene, yea sometimes renewing them in steed of consolidating and healing them; as also how their grosse ignorance is often the cause of the cutting off of an arme or a leg. Moreouer I were greatly to blame, if I should not hold them as barbarous (at least in their kind) as the Phisitions formerly mentioned. Now this puts me in minde of a Barber who after he had cupped me (as the Phisitian had prescribed) to turne away a Catarrhe, asked me if I would be sacrificed. Sacrificed said I? did the Phisition tell you any such thing? No, (quoth he) but I haue sacrificed many, who haue bene the better for it. Then musing a little with my selfe, I told him, Surely (Sir) you mistake your self, you meane scarified. O Sir, by your fauour (quoth he) I haue euer heard it called sacrificing, and as for scarifying I neuer heard it before. In a word, I could by no means perswade him, but that it was the Barbers office to sacrifice men. Since which time, I neuer saw any man in a Barbers hands, but that sacrificing Barber came to my mind. But seeing their ignorance & blockishnes may be sufficiently discouered by such like errors, I will not prosecute this argument any further: but onely call to mind that which hath bene said, how I hold them no better then theeues, who being vnskilfull in their profession, make no conscience to take the reward due onely to such as are expert and skilfull in the Art. And verily, if we looke a little more narrowly into the matter, we shall finde them to be no simple theeues, but theeues in graine, seeing by their ignorance they depriue those of their liues, whom they had formerly bereft of their money. Now all this which hath bene spoken, makes not a litle for the credit and benefite of such as are Artists indeed, and practise it faithfully (whether they be Phisitions or Surgeons, Barbers or Apothecaries) to the end they may be more carefully sought after: and on the other side that such horseleeches may the better be shunned and auoided.

14 Concerning the second thing which I propounded to speake of, viz. cōmodities or wares seruing to cloath the body: doubtles the subtil deuices inuented to falsifie them, are neither so many nor so dangerous. And as I haue spokē summarily of the former, so wil I speak as briefly of this, and wil only mention (as I promised) certaine fraudulent dealings practised in wollen clothes and silks, to the end I may shew that our age could teach the former wherein Oliuer Maillard liued, some trick or other of cūning conueyance as wel in this as in other particulars. And first I wil begin with Merchants, who not content (by their subtill maner of measuring formerly spoken of) to get vpon the measure, haue deuised a way to falsify clothes in regard of the matter, putting in flocks in steed of woll: so that wheras chapmen think they haue their cloth of like woll within, as it apeareth to be without; they find by experiēce (after they haue worn it but a litle) that they bought plain flocked cloth. Now vnder the name Merchant I comprehend Clothiers, vsing the word in a general acception: and though there were nothing else, the common french prouerb confirmeth it, which saith: Il fait assez qui fait faire. So that if I should speake of the deceit vsed in dying, I thinke I should offer Merchants no wrong to lay it to their charge. For though all false Diuers haue not the watchword from Merchants: yet, as if there were no receiuers, there would be no theeues; so if Merchants would receiue [Page] no wares but good and merchātable, doubtlesse Clothiers and dyers would not falsifie them. If they shall answer, that themselues are the first that are deceiued: I answer again, that if they be not skilful in their trade, they shold shut vp shop. But to proceed to another argument; what will they say (trow we) to that late deuice in coyning of new phrases and formes of speech, and making them go for currant almost in euery mans mouth; whereby we are drawne to acknowledge that we receiue better wares of thē then indeed we do? I wil instance & exemplifie this with the stuffe which they call Florence Searge, and will speake of it as of a thing which I learned to mine owne cost. About ten yeares ago when men spake of Florence Searge, they ment such as was right Florence Searge indeed, made in that citie; but since that time, they haue caused counterfeit Searge to be made very like vnto it, which at the first they called Searge after the fashion of Florence (by which no man could be deceiued.) Howbeit they haue by little and little through long custome left out these words: After the manner, and haue called it in plaine termes Florence Serge for breuity sake; which abridging or rather clipping the kings English makes much for the profite of the seller and the cost of the buyer. I meane, when a Merchant of a good large conscience meeteth with a chapman, who is vnacquainted with this new stile. Which thing I confes happened vnto me whē this new phrase came first in vse, and therefore I said I would speake of it, as of a thing which I learned to mine own cost. For hauing sometimes bought Florence Searge at Florence, and knowing it to be very excellent good stuffe indeed, I had euer after a mind to weare it, and no other, if it might be had for money. Meeting therfore with a Merchant, who found Florence in France, I quickly agreed of the price, (though it was very deare) and departed glad of the bargaine. But he met with me, and not I with him: for after that I had worne a short cloake (which I made of it) some few dayes, I perceiued that I had not found Florence in France: and then you may assure your selfe, I was not mute nor tongue tied, when I came to expostulate the matter with my Merchant for the cheating tricke he had plaied me: who seeing he could not denie it, vsed no other excuse, but that it was the vsuall manner of speech. And what should a man say to this geare, (to speake Maillard-like) but Ad triginta mille diabolos talem modum loquendi? Now albeit I haue instanced in this one example of Searge, yet it is not without a felow; sure I am that Spanish felts may beare it company. For the case is not alike with these wares, as with those which they say were brought a hundred, two hundred, or three hūdred miles off; albeit they were made but two or three houses off: but they are on the sure side of the hedge. For if they tell one that knoweth it not, that it is Florence Searge, it will be sold for Florence Searge: and if they tel another that knoweth it, they will answer him straight, it is the common and vsuall phrase of speech: the like may be said of Spanish felts.

15 Notwithstanding I were to blame, if I should say that Silkmen are not as witty as wollen Clothiers. Nay contrarily I perswade my selfe that by how much silk threeds are finer then wollen threeds: by so much are silke-mens wits more fine & subtill to deuise cūning sleights to deceiue. For first as wollen clothiers flock their cloath: so silke-men weaue crewell with their veluet, which is to silke as flocks are to wooll. Nay, I haue heard that the ground of some of their veluet is plain threed. But they haue a trick which clothiers haue not; for by steeping them in water, they make them seeme more substantiall and better wrought then indeed they are. And if they can play the merchants so well in veluet by meanes of the water, they can do it much more in Satin by the same means. As for Taffata, they steepe it not only [Page] in water, whereby they deceiue, but haue a further deuice, whereby they make a peece of Taffata which hath but two threeds, seeme as though it had foure, that which hath foure, as though it had sixe, that which hath sixe, as though it had eight, and that which hath eight, as though it had twelue: So that for ten elles of Taffata which is right grograine indeed, and wrought as it should be, you shall haue ten peeces of counterfeit. Farther, we are to note that as Florence Searge which is sold in other countreyes to them that know not what belongeth vnto it, goeth for Florence Searge, but to them that are acquainted with it, is sold for Searge made after the manner of Florence: so the Satin which they call Satin of Bruges, is but vne hapelourde (as the French man speaketh) that is, a false and counterfaite stuffe; & as I may say a meete bai [...]e to cunny-catch those who either haue not dea [...] with any of long time, or haue forgottē it: for to those that know it not, it is good Satin, to others that know it, it is Satin of Bruges. This short aduertisement therefore shall suffice to stirre vp those, who by reason of their practise in the trade, are better acquainted with them thē my self, to discouer the like impostures: For there are euer two sorts of tradesmen of the same trade, faire chapmen and false cheaters. Otherwise I could not haue discouered so many of their secrets and mysteries, if some honest Merchants of whom I learned the former, had not first acquainted me therewith. Therefore I protest it was the least part of my meaning to houer in generalities in my former discourse, neither is it my purpose to do it in that which followeth.

16 Notwithstanding I may not in any wise forget Vsurers, least it be said that I fauor them. True it is that when I first read in Menot and Maillard such a number of their subtill sleights and crafty conueyances, I thought it almost impossible to adde any thing vnto them: but when I begunne to intreat of this argument, I perceiued that I needed not go farre, or trouble my selfe much in discouering of others, coming newly sparkling from the forge. Among which I will range this in the first ranke (not because it is very witty, but because it is very pleasant) of an vsurer of Vincence, who was very importunate with the preacher of that place to cry out lustily against vsurers: and being demanded by him, why he was so earnest to haue him preach against them; he gaue him this answer: Sir (quoth he) I hope if you cry out mainly against them, and reproue them sharply for it, you wil in the end make them leaue it: and then if I can once be alone, or haue but few fellows, I doubt not but I shall quickly grow rich, wheras now I cā get nothing among such a multitude. But let vs proceed to other wicked practises, much more pernicious, whereby they insnare especially spend thrifts and bad husbands. For it is ordinarie with bankrupts when they begin to breake, to haue their next recourse to vsurers, though this be the breaknecke of all, and the ready way to ouerthrow them horse and foote. See then here a trick very common at this day: If a rich merchant-vsurer be intreated to lend a summe of money; his answer will be, that he hath none, but he hath wares which he cares not to part withall, so he may haue the value of them in money, but that he shall be sure to lose by them if he sell them ouer quickly: whereupon he will direct the borrower to a good fellow (with whom he hath agreed vnderhand) who will not giue aboue fiue or sixe hundred crownes for that, for which the borrower agreed to giue a thousand; which thousand he is bound to pay, as though he had receiued the mony in hand, and pursed it. Which trick hath affinitie with that formerly spoken of by Menot & Maillard. But see here a farre stranger deuice, which they mention not at all: for sometimes they deliuer not the merchandize really, but by imagination; sending them only in their names [Page] to cause them to giue a bill of their hand almost for twise so much as they receiue. Moreouer, there are such villanous vsuries practised at this day, with such strange courses and proceedings, as (doubtlesse) the aforesaid Preachers neuer heard of: and it is not vnlike but that they haue bin deuised of late. For the meanes whereby vsurers in some countries are wont to gnaw the borrower to the bones, are these: First note, that some are lenders by their occupation, and others sureties: when then a man commeth to an vsurer who lendeth for fiue in the hundred, and after much ado hath got a promise, vpon condition he put in a sufficient suretie, (the good wife also giuing her consent by meanes of some good present) he must hire some good fellow to be suretie for him, by presenting him with some thing; who will do nothing for all that, except he may haue a pawne worth very neare twise so much. And yet all this will not serue the turne neither, for that suretie must get another suretie, who must of necessitie be won by some present at the borrowers cost. And after all is done, he (sparing nothing in the meane time to feast these conicatchers) bindeth himselfe in Darby bonds to giue certain pledges at the termes end, if he misse payment at the time appointed. If then he breake day, three or foure vnder the name of pledges (more or lesse, as it was formerly agreed) come to an Inne, and there make good cheare at the borrowers cost. And besides, haue a certaine dayly allowance mentioned in the bond, which comes often to twice so much as their charges: and there they runne vpon his score, till he come to take some other order; I meane, till he satisfie their host for all that they haue spent, and content them for their wages: and by mediation of Angels renew the bond, both with the creditor and the sureties, to obtaine a second terme (for the first being expired, he must see them afresh, or se [...]ke for other sureties, such as his creditor shall like of) and so at the last, the land or house, or whatsoeuer was layd to pawne, is so deepe in the vsurers booke, that the borrower is no way able to redeeme it. But this is the diuell and all, that they will not stay till he owe them so much as the pawne is worth, but cause the house to be adiudged them for the lone of 400. or 500. crownes, which is worth 1500. or 2000. whereof they are to haue the vse vntill it be plucked out of their clawes, the vsury notwithstanding of fiue in the hundred still running on, till it be payed, or till such time as at the request of other creditors the house or land may be sold at port-sale, that he may haue the ouerplus of the true value. Albeit it falleth out many times in such selling by port-sale (the countrey being poore of it selfe; and the creditors men of power and might) that the house is sold or valued at halfe the worth, no man willing or daring to inhance the price. Besides al this, when the creditor lent his mony, he deliuered such peeces of gold as he thought good (whether they were weight or not, it mattered not) with hobby horses, and siluer daggers, or such like toyes, for such a price. Tell me now (good Reader) what sayst thou to this kind of vsury? Doest thou thinke that the diuell himselfe could do worse if he should become an vsurer? for my part I am perswaded he could not. And yet the vsury which is so common at this day, in grinding the faces of the poore people, makes their case much more lamentable, when griping extortioners do not onely impouerish them (they being poore already) but euen cut their throates, in taking their meate out of their mouthes by their monopolies, dayly deuised by these wicked wretches going to meet the wagons and boates bringing in commodities, and corrupting the carters and watermen to make them stay by the way. I remember I was once in place where it was reported that these merchants for Monopolies caused the horses to be conueyed away, faining that they had necessary vse for them: where as it was well knowne, [Page] their drift was to take them from the watermen, that being vnprouided of horses to draw their boates, they might be caused to stay by the way.

CHAP. XVII. Of the thefts and iniustice of Lawyers.

COncerning thefts committed by Lawyers, especially by such as are termed Pettifoggers, though they be now farre greater, and in greater number, and suites in law more chargeable then euer they were, (notwithstanding all politicke courses and prouisoes to the contrarie) yet they are more tollerable then those of their predecessors. For if volenti & consentienti, non fit iniuria, and si nolentem qui seruat, idem facit occidenti; what harme do pettifoggers, to hold out their hands and open their purses to such as desire to fill them, vpon condition they make them some sport, and let them see a thousand fine fetches, and as many cunning conueyances and feates of theirs? In the raigne of king Lewis the eleuenth, there was a Bishop which tooke such delight in this sport, that when the King would haue eased him of a number of suites, he earnestly besought his highnesse to leaue him some twentie or thirtie behind, wherewith he might merrily passe away the time. But that humor is now very common, and it is growne to this head, that men do not onely delight in it, but seeke no other pastime or recreation all their liues long: so that to liue without suites, were a death vnto them. What reason is it then that Lawyers should make them such good sport for nothing? Or that they should be weary of taking before they be weary of giuing? And I am easily induced to thinke, that whē they were called Pragmaticiens, that is, Pragmatitioners (by the original word) things were not so out of square; but since that a sillable of their name was clipped away, and they called Praticiens, that is, Practitioners, they knew well how how to make themselues amends for this curtailing of their name, as well vpon their purses who were not in fault, as vpon theirs who were authors thereof. Besides, these termes of pratique and praticiens were giuen them fitly for the purpose, to teach them how they were to handle those that came within their clouches. Further, most certaine it is that Lawyers can get pounds more easily at this day, then they could crownes in former time: for whereas the Poyteuin in times past commenced but one suite for a pins point, he now commenceth halfe a dozen for as small a matter. The Norman who vsed to go by water for want of a horse, and to send his writs by land for feare of losing, rideth now on horseback, and carieth his writings with him. And surely there is great reason, that horsmens practises should exceed footmens. But in earnest, I verily thinke that there are more pettifogging and conicatching Lawyers to be found at this day, who do euen flea, eate and gnaw the poore people to the very bones (especially where the Romish religion is in request) and vse more craftie sleights, subtilties, cogging parts, concussions, and all manner of corruption, then euer were heard of in former time. Now it would the more grieue me for this age wherein we liue (in which men are more giuen to wrangle at the law, then euer) if it were good going to law; then now it doth, seeing it is so chargeable. For as the sea, notwithstanding it be so boisterous and raging, hath many customers; if it were quiet and calme would haue many more, euen a hundred for one: so if Lawyers (who in kindnes cut mens throates) do not [Page] discourage men from following them, what would they do if suites were not accompanied with so many miseries? doubtlesse the Poyteuin who in old time commenced but one suite for a pins point, and now (as hath bene said) maketh halfe a dozen of it, would cōmence twentie (at the least) for as small a matter. In a word, it were good (in my iudgement) for the ease of the poore people, if suites were so peppered and salted, that no man (no nor the diuel himself) might swallow them. Notwithstanding, as when a wicked man is slaine by another as bad as himselfe, we acknowledge the hand of God therein executing his iudgements before our eyes, and yet we approue not the murtherers fact: so when we see these busibodies who are euer wrangling with their neighbours, and following the law (albeit they might better sit still at home) to be so vexed and disquieted, and tossed from post to pillar, and so to receiue their deserued reward by the iust iudgement of God; yet we may not approue those by whom they are thus molested. Let vs therefore see whether Pettifoggers do more kindly entertaine their clients at this day, then they did when Maillard and Menot were liuing: and for more breuities sake, let vs heare what the most famous of all the French Poets saith hereof:

Là les plus grands les plus petis destruisent:

Là les petis peu ou point auxgrands nuisent.

Là trouue-l'on façon de prolonger,

Ce qui se doit, & se peut abbreger:

Là sans argent pouureté n'a raison:

Là se destruit mainte bònne maison:

Là biens sans cause en causes se despendent:

Là les causeurs les causes s'entreuendent.

Là en public on manifeste, & dit

La mauuaistié de ce monde maudit,

Qui ne sauroit sous bonne conscience

Viure deux iours en paix & patience.

There greater men the poorer swaines deuoure,

There neuer poore gainstood the mighties power.

There meanes are found, short suites in length to draw:

There needie clients waile the want of law.

There famous houses find their fatall end:

There fooles in causlesse suites their goods mis-spend.

There wrangling pettifoggers wont to sell

Their clients suites: there euery cause can tell

This cursed worlds mad guise, that are not able

To liue two dayes in peace without some brable.

And a little after:

Et cestui-là qui sa teste descoeuure,

En plaiderie, a fait vn grand chef d'oeuure:

Car il a tout destruit son parentage,

Dont il est craint, & prisé d'auantage.

Who doth but vaile his cap the barre before,

Hath done knights seruice in his clients cause:

Though he haue wrought his houses iust disgrace,

Yet he the more is fear'd and honor'd more.

[Page] And then speaking of sundry sorts of suites, which he compareth to sundry kinds of serpents, he saith:

De se froid là, qui lentement se traine,

Par son venin a bien seu mettre haine,

Entre la mere, & les mauuais enfans.

And that cold serpent, with soft trailing gate,

Hath learn'd to sow the seeds of foule debate

Betwixt the mother and her impious brood.

Which agreeth well with that which Menot often reproueth in children, for going to law with their mothers. Further, the same Poet saith, that Cleargie-men, who ought to disswade others from going to law, are the greatest wranglers of all others, in these verses:

Pas ne diront, qu'impossible leur semble

D'estre Chrestien & plaideur tout ensemble:

Ainçois seront eux-mesmes à plaider

Les plus ardans.

They will not quite despaire, that one selfe man

Should be a Lawyer and a Christian:

Yet who so hotly pleade as they the while?

2 To conclude all in a word, we are to take whatsoeuer the foresaid preachers haue spoken concerning the miseries which accompanied their suites, and afterwards trebble them, if we wold know all the mischiefes and miseries which follow our wrangling in the law. And poore Menot needed not to haue troubled his head so much about Iudges bribes (as though he could haue cured this sore, which is Noli me tangere, that may not be touched:) for they learned this lesson many hundred yeares ago: and finding the practise pleasant and profitable, they haue so well remembred it, that they could neuer since forget it. And if there were nothing else but tract of time since they first peaceably enioyed this priuiledge, prescription doubtlesse would giue it them. Tract of time I say: for if we duely consider what Salomon and the Poet Hesiod say, we shall easily perceiue that euen in their dayes Iustice (which is painted blind and without hands) was cleane banished out of the world. Which custome though it be very ancient, yet our Age (I perswade my selfe) beares away the bell, not onely in regard of the Theoricke, but much more of the Practicke. For now they are not contented to take such bribes as may be eaten or drunken (as the cookes in Paris know well, with whom these Lawyers had to deale, fearing lest the great store of foule which came flying in at their windowes, and dropping downe their chimneyes all at an instant, would be tainted before they came to the table.) Neither are they content that their wiues should be presented with bracelets, chaines, and rings of gold, winking at it as though they knew nothing: nor that their men should take vnder hand, to the end they may share with them in the bootie: but are come to this passe, to say Come on, and forthwith put out their hands. Yea (notwithstanding the Prouerbe which forbiddeth to looke a giuen horse in the mouth) they sticke not to ting and peize the money, before they will say, Wel then. And yet this doth not content them neither: for they are growne to this extremity, to cause many a poore Naboth to giue thē a vineyard of ten acres, to do them iustice for a vineyard of fiue or sixe. Nay, they haue gone a step further, and growne to harder tearmes: for they haue not bene ashamed to [Page] aske that which cannot be lent, sold, or pawned, neither by the Law of God, nor man; the losse whereof is far greater and as irrecouerable as the los [...]e of life it selfe: they are euen come (I say) to enforce men to buy iustice at such a rate, as is not onely contrary to all ciuilitie and iustice, but redounds also to the infamie of succeeding posteritie. To speake in plaine termes, there was in this Age within the reach of our memory a President of the high court of Parliament at Paris, who did extend his right so farre, as to request an honorable Ladie, to lend him her placket peece, promising on that conditiō to giue her audience. I will beware how I name that President; yet thus much I dare boldly say, that it was he who was afterward metamorphosed into an Abbot: and being inuested into that dignity, writ a booke against the Lutherans, which he dedicated to the Pope: the style whereof was so hard and rough, that his Holynesse carrying a leafe of it by chance to the closestoole, did all to chafe and excoriate his Apostolike seate therewith. To be briefe, it was he, whose nose was enchassed in many fine Epitaphs, whilst the Pope (who had at that time many yrons in the fire) should be at leasure to canonize him for a Saint. Howbeit I wil not deny, but that if Communis error facitius, and if that be lawful for a Presidēt of the Parliamēt which is lawful for other inferior Iudges; this Iudges aduocates may alleadge the exāples of some who haue done litle better, and of others who haue done far worse. Among which the Prouost called La Vouste may wel be the ringleader of the dance, for the notable knauish part, which he plaid with a vertuous Lady, who comming vnto him in hope to intreat him in her husbands behalf, (whom he kept in prison) he requested her to do him a small pleasure, onely to giue him a nights lodging, promising vpon that condition to grant whatsoeuer she would aske. She (poore soule) was here put to a plunge; (and what woman is there who entirely loueth her husband, that would not haue bene in the like case?) For considering with her selfe on the one side, that if shee yeelded to his impotent affection, she should violate her faith plighted to her husband: and one the other side, that she should saue his life by consenting vnto him▪ she handled the matter warily and well. For although she was resolued to preferre her husbands life before her good name, yet she first acquainted him therewith; who easily dispensing with her, (as it is like he would) she let his Lordship take his pleasure, which he so much desired, perswading her selfe he would be as good as his word. But the next morning this wicked wretch, (yea supersuperlatiue knaue, if I may so speake) hauing hanged him, said vnto her; I promised (indeed) you should haue your husband againe: Well, I wil be as good as my word, I wil not keep him frō you take him to you. If we here consider the difference which ought to be between Christians & heathen, can we say that the knaueries of Verres (for which he was so battered with the canon shot, and striken downe with the thunderbolt of Tullies eloquence) did any way come neare this notorious villany, cōmitted notwithstanding in the sight of the Sunne? I haue often heard of another of his knauish parts, which (because it makes much to shew his integritie) may well go hand in hand with the former, that so both of them may be registred in his chronicles. Whilst this iolly gentleman was about to hang a silly soule who was vpon the ladder, a good fellow came vnto him, and whispered in his eare, promising that if he would saue his life, he would giue him a hundred crownes in ready money: which words had so good a rellish, and made his teeth so to water, that he presently gaue a signe to the hang-man to hold his hand, & (hauing deuised a good scābling shift) came neare to the place of execution, & said aloud in his gibbridge, Regardas, messeurs, en qual dangi [...] me mettio a quest malhurous: Car el a courone, & non m'oudisio[Page]pas: Lo mal de terre te vire. Dauala, dauala: tu seras menat dauant l'official ton iuge. That is, See (my maisters) into what danger this roague hath brought me: for he hath He aequiuocateth in the word courone, which signifieth as well a shauen crown as a crowne in gold. His meaning was that he had a 100. crownes to giue for his pardon: But he wold haue the people vnderstand as though he had sp [...]ken of his shauen crowne, viz. that he had primam tonsuram at the lest and therfore that he was in danger of Law, in going about to hang a clergy man, who was exempt from the power of the Ciuil magistrate. See chap. 40. [...]ect. 5. courone, and neuer told me. A plague light on thee. Come downe, come downe Sirra, thou shalt be presented before the officiall thy Iudge. And here I remember another tricke yet farre more strange, plaid by another who had the same office. This good fellow desirous on the one side to saue a theeues life that was committed into his hands, vpō condition he might haue a share in the booty (as was formerly agreed), and on the other side fearing lest the people should murmur and mutine, if he suffered not the Law to haue his course, and that himselfe should be in danger of his life, he shifted it thus. He apprehended a simple fellow, and told him that he had sought for him a long time, and that he was the man that had committed such a fact. The silly soule denied it stoutly, as one whose conscience acquit him of all that was laid to his charge. But the Prouost being resolued to proceed on, and to prosecute the matter against him to the proofe, suborned certaine good fellowes to deale with him vnder hand, and to shew him that it was better for him to confesse the fact (seeing that whether he denied or confessed it, there was no remedy, he was sure to lose his life): and that if he confessed it, the Prouost wold be bound by oth to cause so many masses to be said for him, that he might assure himself he should go to heauen: and though he denyed it, he shold be hanged neuerthelesse and go to the diuell, because no man would procure him so much as one masse. The simple sot hearing that he should be hanged, and after go the diuell, was terribly affraid, and said that he had rather be hanged and so go to God. In the end he told them he did not remember that euer he committed any such thing: notwithstanding, if any man did better remember it then himselfe, and were sure of it, he would dye patiently: onely he besought them in any hand to keepe touch with him for his masses. He had no sooner spoken the word, but he was brought to the place of execution, to supply his roome that had deserued death. Howbeit, being vpon the ladder, he vttered certaine speeches, by which he gaue the people to vnderstand, that he was sorry that euer he had confessed so much, notwithstanding the heauen and happinesse they had promised him. To remedy which inconuenience, the Prouost gaue a signe to the hangmā to turne him off the ladder, lest he should tell tales out of the schoole, which was done accordingly. But because I am come to the very height of these mens impieties, I will here strike saile and direct my course to another coast.

3 And if I must needs speake of Iudges and Iustices wiues, as well as Maillard and Menot, be it knowne vnto all men, that they are not content to haue their gownes died in the blood of the poore, nor to get their liuing by the sweat of their bodies (as those houswiues mentioned by the foresaid preachers) but make their market better, and go a nearer way to the wood. For wheras they get nothing but braue apparrell and iewels by such sweat, these get offices besides for their husbands. And what say these gentle Gillians and chast Penelopes, Quae faciunt placitum Domini Abbatis, Domini Episcopi, Domini Cardinalis (as Menot speaketh) when they see their husbands aduanced by their meanes, but that it is good to haue the fauour of great Lords, and that a man cannot tell what need he may haue of their helping hand? Questionlesse, if Menot or Maillard were now liuing, they would answer them roundly (if they had not forgotten their old Latin) Ad omnes Diabolos talem fauorem.

4 Which being so, it cannot be but that that wicked kind of cheating and chaffering which was vsed in Menots time (as we may perceiue by his complaints) [Page] should be much more common and ordinary at this day, viz. that Lawyers should lend their consciences to great Lords. For seeing they obtaine offices of them at so easie a rate (viz. by their meere fauour) they cannot chuse (as they thinke who haue as large a conscience as a ship-mans hose, or a Franciscans sleeue which others call a cheuerell conscience) but make them win the day and cary the cause, though they should offer the greatest wrong in the world. Notwithstanding I do not affirme that all maried men which are promoted by great Lords, are aduanced by meanes of their wiues: but this I say, that it is either a thing lately practised among them, or at least farre more common and ordinarie then in former time. How euer it be, our Age will affoord vs sundry examples of such as euen with shipwracke of their consciences (if they had any) shew great Lords that they are not vnthankful, but that they so well remember the benefites and fauours they haue receiued at their hands, that they wholly become their most humble and affectionate seruants. Howbeit I will not stand to exemplifie this in those who do no better then damne their owne soules in this behalfe, but will record a verie memorable example of a certaine Iudge at Paris, to whom I hope I shall do no more wrong to put him in the ranke among the rest, then they did him at Paris (Anno 1557.) in setting him on the pillorie. This venerable Iudge purposing to shew better then euer before, that he was a miller in conscience as well as in name (let not this cracke the credit of those millers that keep a good conscience) & willing to shew a great Lord how much he wold do for him (being willing as it seemed to do much more then he was requested) not content to damne his soule to the diuell in this case; flourished so with his Eloquence and Rhetoricall insinuations, that he perswaded others to send their soules to hel for company. For he so hotly prosecuted the matter against the Countesse of Senigan (who was vniustly accused to haue holpen the Duke ofAl. A [...]scot. Ascot to saue himself out of the castle of Vincennes where he was imprisoned) that he suborned a number of false witnesses to depose against her, vsing for this purpose the helpe of a commissioner called Bouuet: but both escaped at too easie a rate. For after they had bene condemned for double dealing and false packing, in suborning false witnesses to further the suite commenced against the said Countesse, they were adiudged to aske her forgiuenesse in way of honorable satisfaction, and after to be set on the pillory in the market place of Paris, and last of all to be banished. Neither do such base companions onely stretch their consciences vpon the tenters to pleasure their Lords and maisters, (at whose command they are ready with life and limme) but to gratifie others also. Witnesse the Chancellour who cried out vpon his death bed, Ah Cardinall, thou hast sent vs all to the diuell. Which I speake not any way to blemish the good name of his successour; whose great knowledge (as all men know) ioyned with like integritie, may serue as a patterne and president to all posteritie.

5 But to returne to false witnesses, and the suborning of them (because my purpose is to treat of thē more at large). Albeit then this false packing in suborning of false witnesses be a sinne of great standing, and almost as old as the man in the Moone: yet it neuer came (I take it) to the height it is come vnto in these daies, as may appeare by an answer (which is now growne to be a by-word in euery mans mouth) made by a good fellow, who being demanded what trade he was of, answered, that he was a witnesse. Which answer could neuer haue come from any, but from such a one as had had his abode in those places where men made witnesse bearing a trade or occupation, making merchandize thereof as of wares. And we may assure our selues that his fellowes would neuer haue answered so [Page] simply. If any shall say, that the number of false witnesses is not (in all probability) so great at this day as it was some few yeares ago, considering there are not so many executed for it, as in former times. I answer that the reason followeth not: for experience shewes that there are more put to death by order of Law in some places where lesse trespasses are committed, then in others where greater villanies are practised. The execution therefore of iustice in one place often or seldome doth not argue the multitude or paucity of offenders in another▪ it shewes rather the vigilancie and integritie of those that haue the sword committed vnto them. If they shall further reply and say, that though the number of false witnesses be now as great, and their punishment lesse then euer it was; yet it is not because there is greater impunity, but for that it is a point of greater difficultie, to discouer them, considering their suborners teach them their lesson better, and they remember it better then their predecessors. I answer to the contrary, that it is as ordinary at this day for false witnesses to bewray, betray, and almost beray themselues; yea and to beate themselues (as it were) with their owne rods, as euer it was in former times. Among many other notable examples of false depositiōs (which haue happened within these few yeares,) of such as had foully forgotten their lesson: that is commonly alledged (for proofe hereof) which is of certain varlets suborned by a Lord of Berri against a citizē of Bourges called Boyuerd, was who accused of murther: for wheras they were told that the best marke wherby they might know the said Boyuerd, was that his nose was made like the handle of a rasor: they being seuerally examined by the Iudge, and asked how they could know him; answered all with one accord, that they could easily know him by a cut of a razour, which he had vpon his nose. So that when Boyuerd (against whom they came to depose) was brought forth, they said he was not the man, because he had no scarre vpon his nose. And thus being detected, they were accordingly executed: the suborner and false accuser being beheaded and quartered onely in effigie, which was no small aduantage for him. Now albeit this be as notable an example of false packing as happened these twenty yeares. Yet we may not thinke that it is the onely example, but that some of fresh memory may be found to match it. This at the least which happened (as most men know) within these seuen weekes to certaine false witnesses, suborned against one brought from Orleans to Paris fast bound & pinioned: how these wicked wretches so forgat themselues, that whereas they should haue said, that the man against whom they deposed, had a red beard; they said he was swart, and had a blacke beard. Now what seuere punishment hath bene inflicted vpon such companions. I leaue the Reader to enquire; yet this I know (and who knoweth it not?) that during the last ciuill warres in Fraunce, and whilst the deuourers of cōfiscations ruled the rost, this accursed trade was practised with as great impunitie, as euer it was either in this or in former Ages.

6 And is the lurry of Lawyers, who (as Maillard speaketh) take ab hoc & ab hâc, or à dextris & à sinistris, quite worne out? Nay would to God it were not much greater then before, and that it were not so notoriously knowne, that euen little children could talke of it. Notwithstanding I will here alleadge one onely example, which shall sufficiently cleare this iolly manner of proceeding. The Attourney of my Lord Beau-ieu and heire of Myles d'Hyliers, Bishop of Chartres, (who is yet liuing, if he be not very lately dead) hauing receiued of the foresaid Lord a house standing in the place Maubert in Paris, (which he sold (as it is reported) for 150. or 200. pounds in ready money:) in recompence of the paines which he promised to take in aduancing his businesse, in steed of [Page] promise, he like a villaine betrayed him most perfidiously to his aduersary (the Lord of Beaumont La ronce) in hope of a parcell of land worth three hundred pounds, which was promised him.

7 As for cunning conueyances, subtil sleights, craftie deuices, and cousining shifts vsed in Law, would to God they were but quadruple to those in former times, and that yong beginners were acquainted with no more sleights then the craftiest Lawyers were in former ages. I will here alleadge onely two examples to this purpose, which notwithstanding shall counteruaile two dozen of others. The first is of a craftie conueyance grounded vpon a rigorous course in the formall proceeding of iustice, not vnlike to that in Terence, Summum ius summa saepè iniuria est: which is this. The Proctor and Counsell of a certaine gentleman who was the plaintiffe (as being the next kinsman) being corrupted, and hauing compacted vnder hand with the Counsel & Proctor of the aduerse partie, caused the said plaintiffe to pay a certaine summe of mony, very fraudulently giuing him the key of the budget backe againe in keeping, wherein the mony was; to the end that when the defendant should come to receiue his mony at the time appointed, and that the depositary should answer, that he could not deliuer him any til he had the key; he might take witnesse that he refused to pay it, and so sentence might passe on his side, that his aduersary had not tendered the mony according to couenant; and consequently that he might be cast in his suite, and wiped of all: which fell out accordingly. The second is of a most strange sleight deuised to saue the life of one imprisoned for a capital crime. The story is this. One Williā Kinsmā being condemned by the vnder Iudge of Poitiers to be boyled in oyle for a false coyner, appealed to the Court of Parliament at Paris; whither being brought, his proctor Belluchian gaue him intelligence, that the next day he should be confronted with 20. witnesses. Whereupon Kinsman intreated him to send him some nimble headed fellow (promising to giue him ten French crownes), and by him he directed the said Belluchian, that at night he should disguise himself, and repaire to the house where the witnesses lodged, faining himselfe to be one of the number: and that in supper time he should giue it out, that William Kinsman (against whom they were come to depose) would escape as he had done sundry times before. The proctor did as he was enioyned; wherupon they growing hot vpon his words, would needs wager with him to the contrary, and layed downe euery man his quart d'escu. Of all which particulars the proctor took a register by two publike notaries, whom he had brought with him secretly for that purpose: which being authentically taken, he sent it to the said Kinsman; who being confronted the next morning with these witnesses, and demanded (as the manner is) whether he held them for honest men, and whether he would except against any of them? answered, that they were all as true to him as Iudas was to Christ; for (said he) they haue sworne my death: for proofe whereof, see this scrole. Now as this was (in any mans iudgement) a most sublimate subtiltie (as I may say:) so I thinke no man will denie but that albeit the defendant aduised his proctor thereof, yet it may well be reckoned in the number of those which are dayly forged in the Lawyers shops (to vse the French phrase,) and consequently may fitly be placed here among the rest.

8 Now if there be haply any that will not rest satisfied with the former examples, but shall thinke that this age hath greater store of them: I will alleadge two others, which I hope will suffice to make vp the whole number, and which (if I be not greatly deceiued) were deuised of late, at leastwise not mentioned by [Page] the foresaid Preachers. The first is, that whereas in former time, the definitiue sentence of the Iudge did put an end to all suites; they haue now found out a tricke to continue, protract, and multiply them so much the more: for there are some suites which haue bin decided ten times by sentence of Court, and yet are as new to begin as euer they were. The second is, that for one head which is cut off from a suite, there forthwith spring out as many moe, as there did in old time out of the serpent Hydra. To wind vp all in a word, whereas our ancestors complained onely of the length of suites (for it is no new saying, Lis litem serit) we haue iust cause to complaine, that they can neuer haue end.

9 Now if it were necessary to particularize that which hath bene spoken in generall touching the corruption which is to be seene in pettifogging practises, I could here alleadge a very strange practise, which (thankes be to God) was in request but onely for a time, no longer then the credit of the author thereof, the selfe same man who was made so famous by a comedie acted in Artois, where it was said: Bertran di te lechon. Il nescé mie se lechon. Par me foy il luy faut bailler sur sès fesses. Non, non, il est trop grand pour auoir sur ses fesses▪ il vaut mieux luy bailler les seaux: that is, Bertram say thy lesson. He cannot say his lesson. In good troth he must be beaten. Nay, by your leaue Sir, he is too old to vntrusse: we were better giue him the keeping of the broade seale. This fine fellow (whō I wil not make knowne by any other name) not content to seale hand ouer head whatsoeuer great men intreated him, granted writs out of the Court of Parliament at Paris to both parties, as wel the plaintiffes as the defendants, with reuocatory letters one vpon another, sometimes to the number of sixe or seuen. Now what age can boast or brag euer to haue seene or heard the like?

10 But if we should proceed further, and come to the fountaine and original of these euils, we should (no doubt) find it to be so great, that we may well wonder they did not maister the banks, and ouerflow in greater measure. For if we consider the great impunitie and free libertie which is granted to prolling pettifoggers, chicken Iustices, and corrupt Iudges, who at this day wrest and peruert the law; we may wonder they do not ten times worse. But if we should see an exemplary punishment inflicted vpon such malefactors, like vnto that recorded by Herodotus, viz. that the son succeeding in his fathers office (who had bene a corrupt Iudge) should be forced to sit vpon his fathers skinne, we may assure our selues, they would looke a little better about them; neither would they so eagerly pursue, nor so greedily gape after offices as they do. But I feare me, such Lawyers wil answer, that when that punishment (mētioned by Herodotus) was inflicted vpon this Iudge, offices were not set to sale and sold by the drumme as now they are (seeing this customary buying and selling of offices began but of late yeares) and therfore that they had great reason to looke a little better to their places: whereas the hast which men make now a dayes to fill their bags againe, causeth them now and then to forget their dutie. They may further alleadge, that whereas Herodotus reporteth that a yong girle about 8. or 9. yeares of age, said vnto her father, Looke to your selfe father, least this man corrupt you with his bribes: they on the contrary are sollicited by wife and children, by friends and kinsmen, to take euery present that is offered. Now albeit this excuse may passe for currant with men, yet the question is, whether he before whom they must one day giue an account of their stewardship, will take it for good paiment; questionlesse they may assure themselues he wil not. But to returne to the impunitie formerly mentioned: if we consider how the course of iustice is peruerted, and how they who should remedy and redresse it, [Page] are the greatest agents for it, we shall not greatly wonder at the matter. And where they should begin to punish such as offend in this kind, I make them their owne iudges. For say they should punish some malefactors, yet what likelihood is there they should punish those to whom they secretly giue the watchword, not to do as they enioyne them in their letters missiue? But I will not prosecute this point any further, seeing a word is enough to the wise: onely let me (for a conclusion of this chapter) parallele this ancient history in Herodotus with a moderne example, which seemes to sute and second it in this very point, touching rigor and seuerity in the execution of iustice, much differing from the impunitie which raigneth at this day. The story is recorded in Froissard, where he recounteth a fact of Baiaget the Turkish Emperour (whom he calleth Amorabaquin by the name of his father) being accompanied with certaine French Lords, who vpon the receipt of their ransome were newly set at libertie, in the raigne of Charles the sixt king of France. His words are these. ‘Moreouer, it happened that whilest the Earle of Neuer [...] and other French Lords were in the Court with Amorabaquin, a poore woman came with a petition to the Emperour, desiring she might haue iustice against one of his seruants (for it was his pleasure that iustice aboue all things should be kept inuiolably throughout all his dominions) who made her complaint in this sort: My Lord ô King, I come vnto thee as to my Soueraigne, to complaine of one of the groomes of thy chamber, who came lately into my house, and drunke vp my Goates milke which I had prouided for my selfe and my children for all the day. I told him that if he did offer me that wrong, I would complaine vnto thee: and I had no sooner spoken the word, but he gaue me two boxes on the eare; and would not forbeare, though I threatned to complaine vnto thee. Do iustice my Lord ô King, and take order that I may be recompenced for the iniury he hath done me, that all men may know that thy will and pleasure is to rule thy people with iustice and equitie, according to thy oath and promise. The Emperour gaue good eare to her words, and said, With all my heart. And thereupon caused his Turkish seruant to be brought before him, and the woman also, commanding her to renew her complaint. The man (who was terribly afraid of the Emperour) excused himselfe, and said, that there was not a word true of all that she had said. The woman replied both wisely and boldly, affirming that she spake nothing but the truth. At these words the Emperour made a little pause, and said, Woman, be well aduised what thou sayest; for if I find thine accusation to be false, thou shalt die a cruel death. She answered, Be it so my Lord ô King: for if it were not true, I should haue had no cause to haue troubled thee: therefore do me iustice, I aske no more. I will do iustice (said the Emperour) for I am sworne to do it to all my subiects within my dominions. And immediatly he caused certaine of his Iannizaries to apprehend his groome, and to open his belly (for otherwise he could not haue knowne whether he had drunke her milke or not,) who finding it to be as she had said (for it was not yet digested in his stomacke) informed the Emperour thereof. Who vnderstanding that her cause was iust, said vnto her, Thou didst not complaine without cause; now go thy way, thou hast iustice for the wrong that was done thee: and forthwith caused her to be recompenced for her losse.’ Thus the man that had committed that fact was punished. The French Lords who were at the Court with Amorabaquin, saw this iudgement executed. This historie I thought good to parallele with that of Herodotus, for that in this point of seueritie they seeme to haue some similitude and agreement; albeit as well the actions as the persons vpon whom the punishment was inflicted, be somewhat different. [Page] Howbeit I denie not but that this fact of Amorabaquin ought to be termed crueltie or temeritie rather then seueritie, in that the theft which he punished was but pettie larcenie, and the partie not conuicted thereof by order of law. But like enough, the Emperours intent was to terrifie others by his example. I could further alleadge sundry other examples of like rigour and seueritie exercised by Iudges, and that vpon their nearest kinsmen. And not to seeke farre off for examples, we reade in the French Chronicles of certaine Kings who haue done the like. But that which should especially moue Princes to execute iustice (though they had no regard of him who will one day call them to a reckoning) is the example of those who through neglect or for default thereof, haue first wasted, and after lost their countries. And if we consider the great change and alteration which is to be seene at this day, as well in this as in other things, we may well wonder thereat: for it is well knowne, that fiftie pardons are granted with lesse suite at this day, then fiue could be obtained two hundred yeares ago. And we haue heard how a Iudge of Paris (who was liuing within these hundred yeares) would vse the same reasons for the due execution of iustice, which men vse now a dayes to hinder the same. For whereas we say, he is a yong man, and in the Aprill of his age, it were pitie to put him to death, for he may do good seruice to his Prince and countrey; and on the other side, he is an old man, and hath one foote in the graue, it were great pitie to hasten his death, which is readie to knocke at the doore: whereas (I say) those that bolster vp malefactors, vse such speeches: he (on the contrary) was wont to say of a yong man, hang him, hang him, he will play the theefe againe; and of an old man, hang him, hang him, he hath played the theefe too long. Which seuere sentence of the Iudge concerning yong men, puts me in mind of that which was once obiected to the King of France refusing to grant a pardon to one that sued for the sixth or seuenth murther, viz. that the felon was guiltie but of one murther, and that the rest were to be imputed to the King, considering that he had neuer committed the last, if the king had not pardoned the first. Which agreeth wel with the saying of an heathen writer: Veterem ferendo iniuriam inuitas nouam. And, Inuitat culpam, qui peccatum praeterit. Which sayings ought duly to be considered of all such as pleade or sue for the impunitie of malefactors. And they ought further to remember that Bonis nocet, quisquis pepercerit malis. Now if heathen men did so well consider of these things, how much more ought Christians seriously to meditate hereon? Howbeit I denie not but that there are some who are readie to take the least occasion to practise their crueltie, and that from such things from whence others take occasion to be more slack and remisse. For example, during mine abode at Padua, I heard of one that had borne office in the citie not many yeares before, who whipped a scholer so much the more, because he was his friends sonne: for when the youth (after he had bene soundly beaten) told him that he was such a mans sonne: O (quoth he) hee is my good friend: therefore because thou art his sonne, thou shalt haue two lashes more.

CHAP. XVIII. Of Murthers committed at this day.

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COncerning murthers, Menot keepeth a foule ado about nothing, in making great outcries against such as will not stirre a foote when they see a man of worth slaine in the streets. I say about nothing, not considering the thing in it selfe: but comparing it with that which is vsuall and ordinarie at this day. For since that France was Italianized, I meane since it learned the tricke of the Italian trade in hyring assassins (for I must vse new words to expresse new wickednesse) to cut mens throtes, as if they should agree with a Butcher to kill an oxe or a calfe; who can thinke the saying of Menot any thing strange? Nay, it were a rare thing if three or foure dayes should passe ouer our heads without such accidents; whereas Menot (perhaps) neuer saw such a fact ten times in all his life. But what would he haue said, if he had seene a murther committed at Paris about sixe yeares ago, in Saint Iohn of Beanois his streete, where my selfe was borne? where a Gentleman dyning in a house right ouer against Saint Iohns Church, was intreated to speake with one at the dore, about a matter of importance: who rising from the table went to the dore with his napkin on his shoulder mistrusting nothing: whither he was no sooner come, but foure men (whom he had neuer seene before) drew vpon him, and plaid their prises so well that they left him not, till they had laid him for dead in the place. The murtherers departed at midday in the sight of a multitude there assembled, not a man among them so much as once opening his mouth against them. This murther I saw not my selfe, but onely heard it constantly affirmed by very credible persons, who were there present. But I will here record another, whereof my selfe am eye-witnes; which notwithstanding doth not so much concerne murtherers, and such as kill men for a set price, as the great impunity which is granted thē in most countries at this day. During mine abode at Rome in the time of Pope De Monte called Iulius the third; an Italian meeting another in the streete, asked him, when he meant to pay him that he owed him (which words I heard as I passed by.) And I had not gone a dozen paces further, but I heard a great noise, and I was no sooner come to them, but the partie that had demanded his money, fell downe dead, the other hauing stabbed him with his dagger. At the very instant came the Marshals mē (not mistrusting any such thing) who in steed of executing martiall Law (as I expected) committed such a fact whereby there was no more difference betweene them and the murtherer, then betweene a theefe and a receiuer. For in steed of apprehending him, and committing him to prison, they holpe him and made way for him to escape. Which when I related to some of my acquaintance, they made me no other answer, but that it was an ordinarie thing. And this puts me in mind of that which I sometime heard reported of a wag-halter of Bourges, whose surest refuge was the Iaile, by reason of the inward acquaintance he had with the Iaylour: so that whilst they were seeking him vp and downe the city (after he had plaid them one tricke of conueyance or other,) he was already in the place where they would haue lodged him, though entertained there after another manner then they would haue vsed him. Yet we are the lesse to wonder, that one or two officers which should see iustice executed, should harbor [Page] a notorious malefactor; then that a whole multitude should do it as it were with common consent; as they did at Rome towards this murtherer, as hath bene said. Moreouer there is a custome in this country, which in many places would be holden vncouth & strange. For there are certain murther [...] ▪ whereat iustice doth not only wink, but also approueth, yea and often promiseth reward to the murtherer. As when a Prince or weale publike makes a law, and giues it out by proclamation, that if one exile can slay another within the confines of the countrey out of which he was banished, he shall not onely redeeme his banishment and be recalled, but also be rewarded and recompenced for his paines. I was (I remember) at Venice at the publishing of this proclamation some twelue yeares ago, and saw it put in execution the day after the publication thereof, as followeth. A banished man hauing secretly arriued and crept into the citie the euening after the promulgation of this Law, had no sooner intelligence thereof, but he made diligent inquirie where he might find one whom he might murther according to the tenure of the said Edict: and being informed where such a one was, he watched him vntil the euening, and striking at him as he came out of a house, (but missing of his ayme) he pursued him to the channell where he had cast himselfe, and there wounded him to death. I am not ignorant with what reasons they vse to defend and iustify this law. This is the principall, that it is a meanes to make banished men suspect each other, and consequently to keepe them from assembling together. But Christians ought to leaue such politike courses and considerations to Platoes common-wealth and Aristotles politicks, where a number of such deuices are to be found, which ought to be so far from Christians, that they should not be once named without horror. Howeuer it be, I will here adde another like histori [...] of an accident which happened during mine abode in the same citie, though I was not an eye-witnesse thereof as I was of the former. The Saffies of the citie searching a ship (as the manner is) for wares de contrabando (for so they call all such wares as are forbidden vpō paine of confiscation) they came to two Franciscans (at leastwise apparelled like Franciscans) commanding them to open their chest; which they hauing sundry times refused to do, in the end they burst it open by force. Now the wares which they found in it were two mens heads newly cut off. Howbeit, after that the Franciscans had whispered them in the eare, they made no great matter of it, but turned it to a matter of merriment, and pleasant dispute, viz. whether these heads were forbidden wares or not. The report indeed went, that the matter should be hotly prosecuted against them: but within two dayes after, the storme was ouer, all was husht and gone, which made the world suspect there was some false packing among them. Of which fact when speech was moued, I remember I heard it related, how that by this license giuen by proclamation (much like to that formerly mentioned) a brother would bring in his brothers head. What would Menot and Maillard haue said (may we thinke) of such Policie, if it may be so called? But howsoeuer we tearme or take it, I am to intreate the Reader to remember it, that therewith he may confront any strange Law recorded by Herodotus.

2 But now to returne to murtherers and such as butcher men for a set price; a thing (doubtlesse) more to be lamented in Italie then in any other countrey: where those villaines are many times so hasty to compasse the death of those whom they haue vndertaken to make out of the way, (to the end they may finger a little money) that for want of taking a view, and marking them by the priuy markes which are giuen them, in steed of them they murther those that resemble them: which the Italians call Amassar in fallo. I haue further heard, that some being [Page] masked, haue bene slaine in steed of others. And all the recompence which they could get, who haue bin thus encountred and set vpon, yea so beatē & wounded, that they haue bene brought almost to deaths doore, hath bene this: By your leaue Sir, or I cry you mercy Sir, I tooke you for another. Indeed they bid those that are masked, vnmaske themselues, to the end they may see whether they be the men they seek for or not; which if they find them to be, they ease them of the paines of masking themselues againe.

3 But my purpose is here onely to discourse of such murthers as are punishable, and are indeed punished both by the law of God and man. To handle therefore the two principall kinds, there are (as we know) two sorts of murthers: some are committed in way of reuenge; others in hope of gaine. Those that murther men in the heate of their rage, and in desire of reuenge, either cōmit the fact themselues, or hire others to do it, whom they know they can draw with a siluer chaine, whether they be common assassins or others. Those that kill men in their mad mood with desire of reuenge, are likewise of two sorts: for some (as French-men) t [...]ke present reuenge in the heat of their passion when their bloud begins to boile, at leastwise smother it not long: others (as Italians aboue the rest) nourish their reuengefull humour, and suffer it to fester in their cankered stomacks a long time. Two things also are to be considered in the execution or act of reuenge: for some reuenging themselues vpon their enemies, practise the saying of Virgil (not considering that he speaketh de hoste, not de inimico:) Dolus an virtus quis in hoste requirat? which is more practised by Italians then by any nation in the world. Others neuer do it, but openly, and as a man would say with drummes and trumpets, neuer setting vpon a man suddenly or at vnawares, nor taking aduantage of him, (which the French call supercherie) but giuing him warning before hand to looke to himself, and time to draw his weapon; making conscience to set two vpon one. Which in old time was more strictly obserued in France, then in any countrey the Sunne doth circle; and is stil practised by all true hearted French-men, such I meane as do not degenerate. Notwithstanding I haue heard many Italians make a mocke at this custome. And no maruell, considering they professe and practise the cleane contrary. For if once they bite their fingers ends in threatning maner, God knows, if they set vpon their enemie face to face, it is because they cannot assaile him behind his backe. And they are not so mad as to bid him looke to himselfe, or once to offer the encounter except they be the stronger, and so well guarded, that they will be sure to be two to one at the least: nay though they should set ten vpon one, yet will they crie, Vittoria, vittoria. And which is worse then all the rest, besides all these aduantages which they labour to get ouer their enemies, and the treason which they plot and practise to their vttermost, they make easie passage for themselues by meanes of dissembling trechery. Witnesse Simon Turke who slue an Italian at Antwerpe (or caused him to be slaine) about fifteene yeares ago, in a chaire made by a most diuellish deuice, hauing smothered his hatred for many yeares together, and giuen pregnant proofes of vnfained reconciliation. Witnesse also (about the same time) the Italian who killed Vaudray the knight of the watch at Paris in S. Antonies streete, in his owne house: for hauing a long time borne him in hand that he had forgiuen and forgotten the grudge which was betweene them, he came on a time to his house whilest he was at dinner, where Vaudray was no sooner ris [...]n from the table to embrace him, as one that professed great friendship & kindnesse, but he stabbed him with his dagger, and slue him. In like maner the Lieutenant criminall of Roane (about two yeares before) riding on his mule to the [Page] Court, was slaine by an Italian, who stabbed him so nimbly into the breast, that his men perceiued it not till he had conueyed himselfe away, and being mounted vpon a lustie courser, saued himselfe by the swiftnesse of his beast. But because I am not ignorant that such examples as these are easie and at hand to euery man, and that I should but cloy our daintie trauailers who haue bene in Italy, with setting before them old cole-worts in a new dish, I will here record a late murther, wherein we shall as in a crystall see the most diuellish and damnable desire of reuenge that euer entred into the heart of man. An Italian hauing nourished malice and rancor in his mind for the space of ten yeares together, dissembling all the while to be friends with his fo; as he was walking on a time with him, in a by-place came behind him and threw him downe, and holding his dagger to his throate, told him that if he would not renounce God, he would kill him. The man being at the first very loth to commit so horrible a sinne, yet in the end yeelded to do it rather then to lose his life, and so renounced both God and the Saints, and all the Kyrielle (as they spake in those dayes,) whereupon the wicked wretch hauing his desire, stabbed him with his dagger, which he held to his throate, and afterward bragged that he had taken the kindliest and the brauest reuenge of his enemie that euer man did, in that he had destroyed him both body and soule.

4 I proceed now to prosecute those murthers that are committed of a couetous and greedie desire of gaine; which are of two sorts. Some commit them in hope of reward, as I shewed before when I spake of assassins: others, in hope they may enioy the spoile of trauailers with more securitie, whom we call theeues and robbers. Of assassins, we haue spoken sufficiently before. As for theeues, would to God they were not so frequent in all places: for it may truly be said of this age, that it surpasseth all the former in notorious thefts, as we may perceiue by the new punishment inflicted vpon such malefactors in the raigne of king Francis the first, by his expresse edict. For seeing ordinary punishments wold nothing moue them, he deuised an extraordinary kind of torture, viz. to breake them vpon a wheele, and there to leaue them to languish and pine away. But neither was this sufficient to make them giue ouer the trade and occupation, nor to keepe others from following it: witnesse the many executions which haue bene since, especially at Paris. That of a gentleman called Villieuineuf, of the Countie of Tonnerre, is famous among the rest, who kept a good fellow of purpose to cut mens throates, who was executed with him, and a yong youth which was his lackey, who was whipped; and the cut-throate companion burned quicke before his eyes, and himselfe afterwards broken vpon the wheele. And this putteth me in mind of an Italian who cōmitted his robberies (if they may be so called) in the very citie within his owne house, whereas others are wont to rob by the high way: (whence cutters by the high way side, and robbers are vsed as synonymies.) This Italiā called Francisquino hauing continued sometime at Bononia the fertill, in one of the best mens houses of the city, being held to be some great noble man, by reason of his state and bountie, was discouered in the end to leade such a life as followeth. Vnder colour of keeping open house for all gamesters at dice and cards (an vsual thing with gentlemen in that countrey, though in some cities more then in others) and of hauing continuall supply of fresh company, to shew his bountie and magnificence, his manner was to send for such as newly arriued in the citie, to visit him: and as soone as they were come, and that he had saluted and welcomed them (according to the manner) to call for the tables or cards, and to bid his man make dinner or supper ready in the meane time, or to prouide a banquet according to the time of the day. [Page] But in stead of preparing it, the bloudy butcher addressed himselfe to slay them when his master Francisquino should giue him a signe: which course of life they had led so long, that (as the report goeth) when they were apprehended, and had confessed al their villanies, the carcasses of ten or fifteene men which they had thus murthered, were found cast in priuies. In fine, this was their punishmēt. After they had bene pinched with pinsers, they were ripped and bowelled, and their hearts being hastily pulled out of their bodies, were shewed them. But to returne to France, and to the boldnesse of these theeuish companions: this is recorded as a most memorable fact of two brethren borne in a certaine place betweene Niuernois and Burgundie, neare to Vezeley, who were spitted vpon a stake some fifteene yeares ago for stealing the Kings treasure towards Briare: of whom this is worthy to be obserued, that they verified the old saying, Conueniunt rebus nomina saepè suis: for their sirname was Latro, that is, Theefe; neither did they bely their name, for as they were theeues in name, so were they theeues in deed. The report goes, that when the Kings officers came to apprehend them in a place whither they had retired themselues, they defended themselues very couragiously, in such sort that one of them was slaine in the place before he would yeeld. Their fellow theefe called Villepruné was executed at Rome in the time of Pope Paul the third, to whom King Francis the first had sent his processe to attach him.

5 But what need we examples to proue that our age doth beare away the bell as well in this as in other vices, when we see that the weapons and instruments fit for the following of such a trade of life, haue not onely bene inuented of late, but are dayly renewed and (as it were) refined by sundry deuices: For, for whose sake (I beseech you) were guns inuented by a diuell in the shape of a Monke, but for theeues and robbers? For proofe hereof, since harquebuzes, pistols and pistolets of all sorts and sizes were in vse, who were the first (trow we) who not content to carry three or foure cases at their saddles, filled their sleeues and breeches with them? And by whom were those great slouching slops and swaggering hose (like little tubs or beere-barrels) first inuented, but by such good fellowes as wanted a commodious place to harbour such guests? Now looke how much Germany is more famous then other countries for inuenting these instruments, so much are we the lesse to wonder that there should be so many good fellows to be found at this day that should employ them to that wicked end: though through the great care and vigilancie of the Princes of Germany, the number of them is well abated within these few yeares. We are not (I say) to wonder hereat, no more then at that which we reade in auncient writers of the Chalybes, who were the first smithes, at leastwise most expert and skilfull in that art. Yet questionlesse French theeues go farre beyond German theeues in subtill sleights and cleanly conueyance. Touching Italy (for I will now mention no other country) I haue euer knowne it lesse subiect to the danger of cutters: and verily during those three yeares and a halfe that I soiourned there (spending my time for the most part in trauailing from city to citie) I heard little or nothing of robberies by the high way. And I remember that being at dinner on a time with my Lord Odet de Selu [...], then Embassadour for the French King at Venice, and hauing asked him the reason hereof, we grew to this conclusion, that Illis quidem erat animus, sed non satis erat animi: that is, that their will was good, but their heart was naught. For if we consider what manner of men they be that intermeddle in this cursed occupation, we shall find that there are not more desperate ruffians in the world, nor more lauish of their liues then they: seeing that ten of them (as I haue often heard it credibly reported) haue aduentured [Page] to set vpon twentie or fiue and twentie. And that Italians are not so desperate, nor so prodigall of their bloud, I report me to the answer which an Italian gentleman made to a forreiner with whom he was in deadly feud: for perceiuing that it stood not with his credit to auoid the combat, vnlesse he alleadged some peremptory reason, he accepted the challenge. But changing his mind shortly after, when the time was come that they should meet in the field, his aduersary now trauersing his ground, and expecting when his antagonist would enter the lists, he told him that he was a diuellish desperate fellow, and therefore would haue no dealing with him. But if we should iudge of all by one (may some say) we might twit all French-men with that which was spoken by a Pickard bragging of his valour, who hauing vaunted that he had spent some yeares in the warres, and yet neuer drew his sword, and demaunded the reason thereof, answered, Pource que ie n'entrois mie en colere: Because (quoth he) I was neuer throughly angry. But I dare be bold to say, that Italians haue oftener borne away the blowes and receiued the foyle of firy French-men, then French-men of desperate Italians. And though there were neuer a Pickard that could be moued to anger, yet the Gascoines are terrible fellowes, and hote enough to make the Italians quake like an Aspin leafe, and beray themselues for feare: though seuen or eight fond and foolish termes of warre which we haue borrowed from them, may (haply) make posteritie hold not onely the Gascoines, but all other French-men greater dastards then faint-hearted cowards and white liuered souldiers; as though we had learned all our skill in martiall discipline and warlike affaires of them, from whom we haue haue borrowed some ink-horne termes. But because I haue spoken my mind more at large elsewhere, of the iniury which we do our selues in this behalfe, selling our honour to those of whom we borrow some triuiall and tapster-like termes, I will not prosecute this argument any further. To returne therefore to the matter in hand, whether it be for the reason formerly alleadged, or for some other (for we commonly say, that there are some good and some bad of all sorts): the cōmon opiniō is, that there is lesse robbing in Italy then in any other countrey. By robbers I vnderstand those good fellowes, who trusting not so much to the sleight and subtiltie of their wit, as to their strength and skill in their weapon, ioyned with brazen-faced boldnesse and audacitie, set vpon passengers with intent to borrow a bag or get a bootie, though with hazard of their liues. For as for other sorts of thefts (as namely filchings and pilferings) Italians (I must needs say) haue no fellowes, especially in subtiltie ioyned with impudency: which knacks of knauery and tricks of cunning conueyance, French-men newly arriuing, learne to their cost. Which I would not haue vnderstood of all Italy alike: for this I can say of mine owne experience, that trauailing from Rome to Naples with the ordinary post (whom they call Procaccio) I saw sundry passengers do that which I had not seen elsewhere in all Italy besides. For they were no sooner come to their Inne, but they vnsadled their horses, and carried their saddles vnto their chambers, where they might haue them euer in view, whilest they tooke their repast. Of which trouble, albeit my selfe and the rest of my companie were well eased (for, for a crowne a day, which each of vs gaue to the post (as the manner is) he mounted vs well, and defrayed our charges) yet I could not but pitie them who were put to those shifts: and I chanced to say that there could be no such danger as they imagined, in that it was not credible that any theefe durst presume so much vpon his cunning, as to vndertake so bold an attempt. Which speech (though spoken in simplicitie) was preiudiciall to a certaine Flemming in the companie, who being thereby perswaded that there was indeed [Page] no such danger, neglected the next day to carry in his saddle as the rest did; for he found after dinner that another had eased him of that labour: and then I confessed that these diuellish theeues were worse then I took thē for. Now this cals to mind an obiection which may be made against the rarenesse of robberies in Italy: for it may be said that there lie such sharp shauers in the high way between Rome & Naples (except the coast be scoured, and the world wel amended of late) that trauailers are glad to get into the companie of the post, who doth not thinke himselfe safe enough neither, vnlesse he haue a troupe of fifty or sixty horse at the least. To which I answer, that these foruscites which haunt the passages and high wayes, are not worthy to be named the same day with those good fellowes who braue it out in other places: for they feare no colours, but aduenture to set vpon twise or thrise so many as themselues; whereas these faint-harted foruscites (as I was then informed) neuer set vpon any (by their good wils) except they be two to one at the least. But I will leaue them to end their owne quarrels and controuersies among themselues. For I protest I am so farre from enuying Italy her great foison of resolute theeues and robbers, that I could wish with all my heart, that all the good fellowes which France and Germany will affoord these dozen yeares, would repaire thither.

6 But leauing Italy (into which I haue trauailed further then I purposed) I wil returne backe into France my natiue soyle, taking it in a generall acception for the countries bordering on euery side, and will begin wtih a gentleman of Sauoy who committed his robberies in or neare his house, betweene Lyons and Geneua (being called of the place Monsieur d' Auanch [...]) and I will speake of him as of a man of an odde disposition among a thousand good fellowes, as being a more cunning and gentlemanlike theefe (if I may so speake) then the vulgar sort, somewhat resembling that archtheefe who kept such a ruffling in the raigne of Seuerus the Emperour, mentioned before in the Chapter of Robberies: for herein especially he excelled him, in that he would part stakes with those he robbed, if they yeelded their purses before his bloud was vp. Howbeit he was exceedingly hated for that he bare small affection to Monks and Nuns, and took pleasure in playing them many shreud turns, which were (as the prouerb saith) Princes sports, such as please those that act them. To omit the pranks which he playd with the Nuns of S. Claire at Geneua, I will onely relate two of his exploites, or rather of one deuided into two branches, whereby he made two Franciscans first very merry, and after very mad. For hauing admitted them into his castle, and made them good cheare, to make an end of their good entertainment, he told them he would pleasure either of them with his pretie wench. Where they refusing his kind offer at the first, he requested them to make bold with him, telling them withall, that he well considered they were but flesh and bloud as other men. In the end he locked them all vp in a chamber together: and returning thither an houre after (or thereabout) he asked them how they had done in their new occupation. And vnderstanding they had not bin idle: O wicked hypocrites (quoth he) is this the way to ouercome temptation? And hauing so said, he stripped them (poore soules) as naked as my naile; and hauing whipped them as long as himselfe and his men could lay on loade, he sent them away all naked as they were, to teach them to fight another time more valiantly against such temptations, or not to giue them the encounter. But whether this labour were well bestowed on them or not, I leaue to be decided at the next Councell.

7 In the meane time I thanke this good fellow with all my heart for putting [Page] me in mind of a story recorded by Pontanus of certaine Arabian theeues, which is as memorable in his kind, and as rare an example as can be found (in my opinion) in any story, whether Greeke, Latin, French or Italian. Wherein we shall on the one side see a point of admirable wisedome in a man falling suddenly into the hands of theeues and robbers: and on the other side, a part of great humanitie in cruell cut-throtes, who had addicted themselues to this damnable trade. This gentleman called Robert Al. of S. Seuerin. Sanseuerin (who had bene a braue and valiant captaine in his daies) trauailing towards mount Sinai, to performe a vow which he had made (according to the great superstition which raigned in former times, and in part also within these hundred yeares) hauing descried certaine horsemen comming towards him, demaunded of his guide and guard (for he had safe conduct from the Soultan) who they were? They (poore soules) trembling for feare, answered that they were Arabians, the most desperate and dangerous theeues in the world. Where he was so farre from being danted with the feare of danger, that contrariwise he encouraged his companie to be of good cheare, telling them that it was their best course to lay open their cariage, that when they came they might finde dinner ready, whereof he knew they stood in great need, considering they were toyled with the dust and heat. Meane time, whilest his men were making preparation as they were enioyned, he addressed himselfe to meet them, and saluting them very curteously (being a goodly man of person, as well for stature as feature) smiled on them, and bad them welcome; interlacing many pretie speeches by his interpreters, and thus kindly entertained them without bewraying his feare, or giuing the least signe of sinister suspition. The Arabians liking well of his speeches, willingly accepted his offer, and dined merrily with him, and after they had receiued some small presents departed, hauing so forgotten all their barbarous cruelties, that contrarily they thanked him heartily for their good entertainment. This is the story (gentle Reader) whereof I kept thee in so great expectation, by which I hope thou wilt take no lesse content then my selfe. For certes we way well wonder hereat, especially considering what stories report of these Arabian theeues aboue the rest, in cruelty resembling Lions and such like sauage beasts: so that I perswade my selfe the Poets would no lesse haue extolled this chieftaine, then they did Orpheus for mollifying the hearts of sauage beasts by the sweet sound of his melodious harpe. And verily there are some theeues so cruell and currish, that it were better to fall amongst Tygres, or into the Lions den, then into their hands. For that which Ouid saith, ‘Obsequium Tygres (que) domat, rabidos (que) Leones.’ is found true by dayly experence. And that which he saith in another place,

Corpora magnanimo satis est prostrasse Leoni,

Pugna suum finem cum iacet hostis habet.

cannot be called into question by any that haue read or obserued the nature of this beast; as my selfe once obserued a Lion practising the precept of Virgil containing the dutie and disposition of a generous mind, which is, Parcere subiectis & debellare superbos. For he made much (as a man would say) of litle dogs which were put into his grate, and played the wanton with them; whereas he presently deuoured the great curres, tearing them in peeces, euen whilest he was playing with the litle puppets. As also considering what we reade of Orpheus his harpe, by which he mollified the hearts of sauage beasts, although it be spoken Poetically, and must (at least may) be meant of his eloquence, whereby he wonne the hearts of men, how barbarous soeuer they were. Howbeit we cannot denie but that Lions take delight in the melodious sound of musicall instruments, of which my selfe haue [Page] had experience in a great Lion in the Tower of London, where whilst I with certaine others beheld him, there came in a Musition which played vpon a violin (the number of such fidlers being great in England) who had no sooner begun to play vpon his kit, but the Lion leauing his flesh began to turne about, as though he would haue danced: and when he left of playing, he left his turning, and betooke him to his flesh againe: & when he began to play againe, he returned to his dance againe. Which spectacle and sport pleased me so well, that I could not content my selfe to haue seene it once, but came thither againe the second time, bringing others with me, (who, notwithstanding I had told them what I had seene, and affirmed it to be true, yet would hardly be perswaded;) as also a Musition who played vpon another instrument, where the Lion danced and leapt about, as he had done before, albeit he had then no flesh as formerly he had. By this therefore which hath bene said, as also by that which sundry authors haue written hereof, we may safely conclude, that there is more gentlenesse & generous nature in some sauage beasts, then in some men, be they theeues or others. At leastwise the lamentable story of the voyage of French-men into Florida of America (in the yeare last past) doth, and so long as the world endureth will verifie this of certaine Spaniards: For (to omit infinite other treacherous cruelties) we reade how that those who chose rather to yeeld themselues to the mercie of the Spaniards then of wilde beasts, were pitifully massacred euery mothers sonne; whereas they who chose rather to commit themselues to wilde and sauage beasts, and to expose themselues to infinite other dangers, escaped both with life and limme. Therefore by how much the crueltie of some men is greater then of others, and by how much we esteeme these Arabians more cruell cut-throtes then other theeues; by so much are we to thinke this story more strange and admirable. The rehearsal whereof hath made me somwhat to digresse from the argument in hand.

8 Therfore to passe ouer this iust motiue of digression, and to come in a word to the point of our purpose; as there is great difference betweene incest and single fornication: so nature teacheth that it is a farre greater and more horrible sinne for a man to murther his kinsman, then one that is no way allyed vnto him; and yet more hainous to murther father or mother, wife or children, brethren or sisters. Notwithstanding we must needs confesse, that since the trade of assassins (I mean this bloudy butchering of men for a set price) came in vse, our age doth no lesse abound with ordinary and extraordinary murthers, then with the two kinds of whoredome formerly spoken of. Howbeit parricidie and fratricidie, and such like murthers, were neuer so hot among Christians as betweene the Guelphes and the Gibelins: the heate (or fury rather) of which deadly feud remaineth in Italy vnto these dayes, as well for the former quarrell as for other flawes and factions, as the histories of that country do sufficiently declare, and as they who trauaile into Italy may know more particularly. For as I trauailed with two others from Florence to Siena, two dayes after it was yeelded vp to the Duke of Florence, in the name of King Philip: I heard an old man (borne neare Siena) report very strange things, not impertinent to the argument in hand. For being demaunded what were the most remarkable things that were to be seene at Siena; Alas (said he) my sonnes, what do you thinke to see at Siena? Siena is no more Siena: you shall see nothing there but the horrible vengeance of God. And being asked what he meant thereby; I haue seene (quoth he) many a time and often with these eyes, kinsmen, yea brethren imbrue their hands in one anothers bloud for quarrels (God knows) arising vpon smal occasions. And he added, that their maner was to dip their hands [Page] in the bloud of the slaine, and hauing rubbed their faces therewith, to shew themselues to their fellowes in this butcherly and beastly manner. These and the like speeches this old father who was aboue fourescore and ten yeares old vttered not without many teares; thanking God withall, that in mercy he suffered him to liue to see vengeance taken vpon them. For (said he) I doubted whether there was a God or not, when I saw such horrible facts remaine vnpunished. This is the good report which this old man gaue of his countrey. But would to God we were to seeke for examples of such pitifull occurrences onely in Italy, and that our ciuill warres had not eased vs of this labor, in furnishing vs with such store, that it is hard to say where we should begin such dolefull discourses. Howbeit we find elswhere moe examples then were to be wished, of which I haue alleadged some few in the tenth Chapter. To which (before I come to moderne examples) I will adde one more out of Pontanus, (the author of whom I borrowed the rest;) and will make choise of such a one as shall fit the argument in hand, touching murthers committed in Italy by one kinsman vpon another, by reason of deadly feud and factions. This worthy learned writer therefore reports, how that his ancestors being forced to abandon and forsake their natiue soile by reason of the ciuill warre, and hauing retired themselues into an odde corner of the countrey which they had fortified; so it was, that their enemies watching their oportunitie, surprised it on a time when it was slenderly guarded: who when they had taken it, assaulted the tower wherein Pontanus his great grandmother was, where her two brethren (who were of the contrary faction) called vpon her to yeeld her selfe; which she promised to do, vpon condition they would not hurt her children. But they refusing to accept the condition, set the tower on fire, and so burned their sister and their young nephewes for the diuellish and damnable affection they bare vnto their owne faction.

9 But to come to moderne examples, and first to begin with fratricidie, we had in the yeare 1545. a very memorable (but a lamentable) example of one Iohn Diazius a Spaniard borne in Cuence in the kingdome of Toledo, whom I knew at Paris, where all godly and learned men had him in as good account as any stranger that set foote in France these many yeares, being for his faire conditions and sweet behauior as it were another Abel. But let vs heare how he met with his Cain. After that he had made good proficiency in the study of Diuinity, and attained to the knowledge of the Hebrew toong, he could find no relish in the Romish religiō; whereas before he had bene plunged in it vp to the hard eares, after the Spanish fashion (I alwayes except the Marranes:) which change so displeased his brother Alphonsus, who was then at Rome, (where he had bin a pettifogging sumner in the spirituall Court for diuers yeares) that after he had intelligence thereof, he could neuer rest nor be at quiet with himselfe. For hauing sought for him at Ratisbone, and finding him not, he went to Newbourgh a citie in Germany, vnder the dominion of the Count Palatine of Rhene, where after he had communed with him a long time, perceiuing that it was not possible to draw or diuert him from his opinions, neither by menaces nor promises, nor any other remonstrances; he made semblance as though himselfe had bene caught by his brothers reasons, and won to the bent of his bow, purposing by this subtill deuice to draw him along with him to Trent (where the Councell was then holden) and from thence to Rome, and so to Naples, telling him that he might benefite himselfe much better in those parts then in Germany. Which counsell of his, though Iohn Diazius approued and liked well, in such sort that he was halfe perswaded to follow his carnall motion: [Page] Notwithstanding being loth to do any thing without the aduice of those religious and learned men appointed for the conference at Ratisbone (of which number Martin Bucer was one) he acquainted them therewith; who hauing Alphonsus in iealousie, and doubting that it was but the copie of his countenance, and that he did but coūterfet a conuert, to the end he might peruert his brother, they al with one consent vtterly disswaded him from it. Alphonsus being thus frustrated of his hope, intreated him to beare him companie onely to Auspurge: from which also being disswaded by them, he determined to leaue him, hauing one onely man with him, who afterwards serued him in stead of an executioner, as by and by we shall heare. Hauing then exhorted him to continue constant in the profession of the truth, and shewed him all tokens of brotherly loue, kindly taking his leaue of him, and forcing a peece of money vpon him, he left him at Newbourgh, and tooke his iourney to Auspurge; from whence returning backe againe to Newbourgh the next morning, and leauing his horses at the towns end with a good fellow (whom he kept for the purpose) he came to the house where his brother lodged about the breake of day; where his man knocked at the gate, and enquired of a boy that came to the doore for one Iohn Diazius, saying that he had a letter for him from his brother Alphonsus. Whereof he had no sooner intelligence, but he leapt out of his bed from a friend of his, and casting his night-gowne about him, went out of the chamber into a withdrawing roome, whither he had appointed the messenger to come; his brother Alphonsus staying in the meane time at the staires foote. The messenger being entred in, deliuered his letter: where as he was reading it at the window (for it was not yet cleare day) he standing behind him, strooke him into the right temple with a hatchet which he had vnder his cloake: the violence of which blow was such, that it gaue him no leasure to tell who had hurt him. The bloudy butcher then fearing lest the body now ready to breathe forth the soule, should make a noise as it fell to the floore, layd it downe softly on the ground, and leauing the hatchet deepe in his head, returned to Alphonsus his master expecting him at the staires foot, as hath bene said. Diazius his friend (who was all this while in bed) suspecting that all was not well, rose vp to see where he was, and what he did. And he was no sooner come into the withdrawing roome, but he heard the spurres of the murtherers at the staires foot: and because he knew not whether they came vp or went downe, he made the doore fast at the staires head. But (alas) it was too late, as he knew shortly after, by that pitifull spectacle which presented it selfe to his view, not without horror and fearfull astonishment, as you may well imagine. But as soone as he could recouer himselfe, he drew neare to the corps lying vpon the ground, folding his hands & lifting vp his eies to heauen, as though he were praying. Thē pulling the hatchet out of his head, he perceiued that he had some life in him; in which estate he continued the space of an houre: so that when he heard any man call vpon God, he made some little signe with his eyes. This done, he called to those of the house, to the end they might be witnesses of this so pitifull a spectacle. Now what punishment was inflicted vpon these wicked murtherers, it is vncertaine, albeit most are of opinion that they escaped scotfree, for that the Emperour Charles the fift at the Popes intreatie writ in their behalfe, that their inditement might be deferred for a time, and that he with his brother Ferdinando (vnder whose iurisdiction they were taken) would haue the hearing of the matter themselues. How euer it were, the constant report goeth, that certaine Spaniards at Inspruck were not ashamed to say that there was no euill in this murther, and that he which murthered an hereticke, was ipso facto absolued by the Pope. [Page] Let vs now heare another like vnto this in substance, though much differing in circumstance: I say like to it in substance, in that one brother murthered another, but much differing especially in one circumstance, which may haply make it seem as strange as any murther committed these many hundred yeares. By this circumstance I vnderstand the non-age of a Cain murthering his innocent brother Abel. For I heard it reported, that about the yeare 1547. a child in a village of France neare Dammartin in Guole, who was but fiue or at the most sixe yeares of age, conceiued such hatred against his brother because he had the greater peece of bread, that he stabbed him forthwith with a knife which he had in his hand, & slue him. In which story we may as in a crystall behold the wicked seeds of sinne, which naturally breed and (as it were) spawne in our hearts, not only in our non-age or infancie, but as soone as we are crept out of the shell, and bewrayeth it selfe when we come to haue the least vse of reason.

10 But the world is full of examples of men that haue murthered their wiues: Italy especially, and therfore I hold it needlesse to insist vpon particulars. Notwithstanding I cannot omit two very strange murthers, I meane such as for their plotting and acting were extraordinary: for whereas such executions are commonly done rashly in heate and choler, these were committed of set purpose vpon a grounded and setled resolution. The one is of a citizen of Millan, who (as it was told me in a place neare Millan, about a dozen yeares ago or somewhat more) being in France, and hauing intelligence that his wife played false at tables and bore a man too many, being (as we may suppose) sufficiently informed thereof, tooke horse and rid post to his house at Millan; whither he was no sooner come, but he called for his wife to the doore, who comming in all hast to welcome him home, being (as it seemed) very glad of his returne, receiued of him a counter-curtesie and a terrible cooling card with a stab of his dagger, after he had all to be rated her, calling her false, perfidious, disloyall, trecherous, and wicked wretch. And leauing her in such a case that he needed not to feare she would play false with him againe, he tooke horse and departed. The second is of a Switzard, who hauing taken his wife at vnawares playing the harlot, bore the iniury patiently for a time; but hauing pardoned her in his heate (contrary to the common practise) he slue her a few dayes after in his cold bloud, saying he could not endure a woman that would play him such false play: he slue likewise his children and himselfe also, as after we shall heare.

11 Yet there are not (God be thanked) so many examples of women which haue murthered their husbands, though there be moe then a man would haply imagine. Among the rest an Italian Ladie called Frances Bentiuole is not to be forgotten, who perceiuing that her husband (commonly knowne by the name of Galeot Lord of Fauence) playd the man and stood to his tackling, in defending him selfe couragiously against the two murtherers which she had suborned and hired to kill him, that they had much ado to dispatch him, tooke vp a dagger, and with her owne hands gaue him his deadly wound. Now the hatred which moued her to commit this murther, was conceiued vpon a rumor blazed abroad in the citie, and whispered into her eares, that before he maried her, he had contracted himselfe to another citizen. A weightie reason no doubt. It is also reported, that a woman dwelling neare Narbone being in bed with her husband, cut off his priuities, for that he had defiled the mariage bed: of which example I haue already spoken. But infinite are the examples of light houswiues who haue procured the death of their husbands, to the end they might more freely enioy the companie of their [Page] paramours. And many haue poisoned them, that so they might more cunningly couer and conceale their villanie. For which crime my hostesse of the Lanterne at Paris was burnt about thirtie yeares ago. For her husband being loath at the first to drinke the wine which she had poysoned, because the colour of it was changed, yet aduentured to drinke of it after his man; and perceiuing by his sodaine death that it was of present operation, he preserued himselfe by an Antidote. The like punishment was inflicted vpon a gentlewoman of Brie in the same city, and much about the same time, for killing her husband in his bed, with intent to marrie her knaue, who was executed with her for company.

12 We haue also late and fresh bleeding examples of Fathers murthering their children: but two are famous and memorable among the rest, which may well go hand in hand, in that they killed their children without any cause or colour at all, for a thing which they could not helpe. The one is of an Italian, the other of a Switzard. The story of the Italian hath bene published before: howbeit I will not speake of it as fetching my authoritie from the printed pamphlet, but as being then at Padua my selfe where the murther was committed. About thirteene yeares ago a good fellow (named in, the printed story) being cast at Venice in a suite whereon depended his whole estate, was so out of tast with the world, and so despaired of Gods prouidence, that he perswaded himselfe there was no remedy but that his daughters when they came to age, in stead of being honestly maried, were of necessitie to go to the cōmon stewes. For preuenting of which so great an inconuenience, he was perswaded by one (whose counsell & aduice he had asked in the managing of this businesse) that it was his onely course to cut their throates whilest they were yong. And so he did one night, hauing the euening before borrowed a Barbers razor. Being then at Padua (as hath bene said) when this tragicall euent happened, I could hardly refraine from going to behold this ruful spectacle: I meane these silly soules lying in that pitifull plight. But when certaine schollers, my companions (who had seene them) related vnto me the maner of their death, and how they lay wallowing in their bloud, it imprinted such a liuely sense of compassion and cōmiseration in my mind, que non me bastaua l'animo, (as the Italian speakes) that I could not find in my heart to see them. They further told me, that there were three in all, one of which had her hand almost cut off, which she had vsed (as they supposed) as a buckler against the fury of her father; who (as it was afterward reported) cast himselfe headlong from the top of a rocke not farre from Tirole, whither he had fled to saue himselfe. The second is of a Switzard, who hauing taken his wife at vnawares playing the strumpet, and pardoning her for the present, changed his mind not long after, and repealing his pardon, slue her with his owne hands, saying he could not endure to see her liue that had played him such false play. And hauing slaine her, he dispatched his children also; saying, he would not haue his children called bastards. And the report goeth, that after he had thus embrued his hands in their bloud, he layd violent hands vpon himselfe also, throwing himselfe from the top of a house, or (as others say) of a towre, hauing first written in a paper (which was found about him) the fact which he had committed, and the reasons that moued him thereunto, viz. that knowing himselfe to be but a dead man in law, he chose rather to be his owne executioner, then to vndergo an ignominious death. By which examples we may perceiue that the diuell is as full of his subtill sleights and stratagems, and as cunning a knaue as euer he was. Now these two examples do suite each other (as hath bene said) in this very thing, that these men slue their children without cause or colour at all, [Page] for that whereof they were as innocent as the new borne babe.

13 And haue we not examples (on the other side) of parricides, that is, of children murthering their parents? Yes (God knowes) and that euen in France it selfe, which had lamentable experience hereof not long ago. For Anno 1565. Septemb. 28. this accursed enemy of mankind had such power and command ouer a yong man dwelling in Chastillon sur Loing (a gracelesse griffe vnworthy to grow vpon such a stocke) that he caused him to take vnto him the heart, not of a man, but of a beast, nay worse then of any brute and sauage beast, in cōmitting so cruell and so vnnaturall a fact. And for as much as the Lord of the said place (a man for his vertues, especially his wisedome, admired at this day, and beloued of all men) hath thought good to publish this storie in print: I hope it wil not be taken amisse, if treading in his steps, I here make a short abstract and abridgement thereof. The storie is this. Iohn Guy the sonne of Emé Guy a The word signifies either a cappet or a hatter, or a haberdasher of hats and caps. capper in Chastillon sur Loing, had bene a very loose leud boy, and a notable vagabond euen from a child: in which dissolute courses he had bene fleshed and animated by the ouer-great indulgence of his father. Now it happened vpon a Saturday (the day before specified) that swaggering abroade and keeping reuell rout (as his maner was) he came not home till very late in the euening: whereupon his father was exceedingly incensed against him, and told him, that seeing he continued his reuelling in this sort, there was no remedie, he must thrust him out of doores. Whereunto he answered very boldly and saucily, that he was readie to be gone, if he had his apparell. These speeches thus passed ouer, his father went to bed. Howbeit he was no sooner layd, but he was inforced by menacing threats to commaund him silence, considering his round replies in that fierce and furious manner. In the end, seeing all was in vaine, and that his menaces nothing auailed; being no longer able to endure his long and proud replies, he rose in great anger to correct him for his saucinesse. Now when he perceiued his father comming towards him in that maner, with intent to beate him, he caught hold of his sword which hung in the chamber, and therewith ran him through in a trice, so that he sunke downe presently, crying out that he was slaine. The neighbours amazed at the crie, came rushing in, and the Iustice shortly after, where they found the poore man lying all along in the place, expecting nothing but present death, which arrested him not long after: and his sonne standing by him dressing himselfe (his sword lying by him all on a goare bloud) who notwithstanding that his father moued with compassion, and forgetting his vnnaturall dealing and crueltie towards him, had willed him to saue himselfe, saying, Saue thy selfe, saue thy selfe my son, I forgiue thee this my death; and that his mother also had perswaded him thereunto, yet God in his iust iudgement so held him backe by the reines of his prouidence, that he had not the power to stirre a foote. Being then demaunded by the Iustice, what had moued him to kill his father in that vnnaturall and barbarous manner; he answered, that he neuer meant to kill him, but that he might thanke his owne heate and hastinesse, in running so desperately vpon his sword which he held in his hand onely for his owne defence. This is the history as touching the fact. But forasmuch as the foresaid pamphlet, whereby it was first published, containeth many remarkable points which ensued hereupon till the time of his execution, very worthy our obseruation (for in the moralitie consists the fruite and profite which we are to reape by this historie) I shall intreate the Reader not to take it in ill part, if I be somewhat more large and prolixe in the rehearsall hereof then I haue bene in the rest. For assuredly considering the very name of parricide is so horrible and hatefull to all, I would not haue prosecuted [Page] this storie so farre, had it not bene of purpose to speake something of his conuersion, to the end I might shew as well Gods great mercie, as Satans great enmitie against mankind; the poison of which passion he bewrayes against such as keepe not sentinell ouer their hearts, and stand not vpon their guard. This murtherer then thus attached, by course of iustice was sent to prison, and witnesses were produced, who deposed that he had bene very disordered and vnruly of a child, despising for the most part his parents admonitions and reproofes, notwithstanding they had alwayes receiued and entertained him in the kindest manner, whensoeuer he cried peccaui. His inditement being drawne, he was sentenced by the Iudge of Chastillon the Saturday following, to haue his right hand cut off vpon a scaffold in the market place, right ouer against his fathers house, both his paps to be pinched with red hot pinchers, and afterwards to be hung by the feete vpon a gibbet, and strangled with a stone of sixe and twentie pound weight tied to his necke, where he was to hang the space of foure and twentie houres; and last of all to be hung vpon the common towne gibbet, there to remaine. But he appealed from this sentence, being perswaded thereunto by a wicked wag-halter who had bene a false coyner, and for his misdemeanour condemned with him, and sentenced to be sent to the gallies: from which he had also appealed. Whereupon they were sent to prison againe, to the great tower within the Castle, till such time as they should be conueyed to Paris; during which time many resorted vnto them, especially to visit this Parricide, to see if they could bring him to a sight and sense of his sinne, and so to be the instrument of a soules saluation. But perceiuing that he conceiued no otherwise of his offence then of a pettie fault, they vnfolded vnto him the hainousnesse thereof, and the fearefull iudgements of God which would ouertake him for the same, not onely in this life by the sword of the magistrate, but likewise after death by his finall doome, if he did not confesse the fact and acknowledge his fault, that so he might haue recourse to the throne of grace, euer open and of easie accesse to those who with a true sense and sorrow for sinne vnfainedly desire pardon and reconciliation, in assurance to be heard. But he neuer gaue the least signe that he was any thing moued with these remonstrances, but still answered that he had appealed, & that he had not slaine his father, but that he ranne vpon his sword, the scaberd falling off to the ground. This was all that could be wrong out of him at that time. And albeit they plyed and pressed him againe and againe, yet could they not bring him to a sight and sense of his sin: for the more they labored to discouer and lay open the enormitie and hainousnes of his fact, the more he excused and cloaked the same, saying to himselfe, Ah wicked wretch, I might haue escaped if I would, and my father knowing he had receiued his deadly wound, counselled me so to do; but then (foole that I was) I would not listen vnto him. They then told him that it was not in his power to stirre a foote, or to moue a finger without Gods permission and prouidence, and therefore that he might assure himselfe it was the will of God he should not flie away, but tarry by it, and abide the triall, that so he might be brought (if it were possible) to acknowledge his offence, and that receiuing condigne punishment for the same, he might serue as an example of his diuine iustice. Moreouer, they exhorted him to make vse of this chastisement and correction, and to consider that the prison is Gods schoole, wherein he was to learne how he hateth and abhorreth sinne, manifesting his iust iudgements vpon the wicked when it seemeth good vnto him, either by the sword of the magistrate, or otherwise: whereunto he answered not a word. Howbeit in the end, after they had pressed him further by sundry like speeches, [Page] the more to aggrauate his offence by euery circumstance, he confessed that he had such a hard heart & cauterized conscience as was incredible: making signes in the meane time as wel with his head as with his hands, whereby they perceiued that God began to worke in his heart, and thereupon they propounded the mercie of God as before. Now after they had spent many like speeches to rouse vp his drowsie conscience from that dead slumber which had seazed vpon him, they were aduertised that the false forger (formerly mentioned) had perswaded him to be of good cheare, and to lay nothing to heart, but to prolong his life by all meanes possible. Whereupon order was taken they should be sequestred one from the other, that so this wicked wretch might no longer poison him with such pestilent perswasions, who put them in some better hope when he heard no more of them. Neither was their hope in vaine: for being solitary and alone by himself, he thought more seriously vpō their speeches, in such sort, that he confessed to the iaylour and others, that he had highly offended God, in that he had so wickedly and wilfully murthered his father, and that he had iustly deserued death; desiring withall that the Bailiffe might be sent for, saying he would desist from his appeale. Whereupon they exhorted him to make a holy vse of those godly admonitions which had bene giuen him, telling him withall that he did well to giue ouer his appeale, seeing he should escape neuer the sooner, and that it was much to be feared lest appealing to the Court of Parliament at Paris, they would be so farre from mitigating the seueritie of his punishment, that they would adde to the rigour thereof. Meane time came a Minister of the word, who plied him so with pithy perswasions, that he brought him to acknowledge the hainousnesse of his sinne, and to aske God forgiuenesse, in such sort that perseuering in this acknowledgement, he ceased not to vtter many good and godly sanctified and sauorie speeches, by which he gaue cleare euidence that God had miraculously wrought in his hart. And persisting in his former resolution of forsaking his appeale, he aduertised the Bailiffe hereof: whereupon he was executed accordingly the Munday following. Where it is to be obserued, that frō that time forward, till the hang-man had made an end, and parted two old friends, this poore patient (and now penitent parricide) had God and Christ euer in his mind and mouth, still crying to heauen for mercy and forgiuenesse: being armed in this his last conflict with such constancie and heauenly resolution, that he neuer twicht for any torment, nor once changed countenance; which strooke an amazement into the minds of the multitude. He that desires to haue a more ample discourse hereof, may haue recourse to the foresaid pamphlet.

14 As for women which haue murthered their children, I perswade my selfe there are but few to be found which murther them after they are once growne in yeares. Howbeit many there are, as well of those which kill their newborne babes, as of those who execute their crueltie vpon them in the wombe before they see the light of the Sunne. And doubtlesse this murthering of children in the wombe (to begin with it in the first place) is a very ancient sinne. For the Greek Poet Phocyllides gaue a caueat to the women of his time to take heed of it. And Ouid likewise (another Pagan Poet) sharply censureth a huswife for the like offence: adding withall many excellent disswasions to that end. And it was one branch of Hippocrates his oath (as we know) neuer to minister nor prescribe women any thing that might cause abortion, or any way endanger the fruite of their wombe. Now there are two maine reasons of this wicked practise. Some do it for feare they should be knowne to haue playd the wantons and lost their virginity: or (to speake [Page] somewhat more generally) for feare of being disclosed to haue had to do where they ought not, be they maried women or widowes. Others for feare of abridging and shortning their youth, especially for feare of that which Ouid speakes of.

Scilicet vt careat rugarum crimine venter,

Sternetur pugnae tristis arena tuae.

And as for the shortening of their youth, the same Poet saith.

Adde quòd & partus faciunt breuiora iuuentae

Tempora—

Notwithstanding whose testimonie, we find it true by dayly experience. I haue further heard of certaine gentlewomen, and my selfe haue knowne some who made no bones to weare poytrels or stiffe stomachers, endangering thereby the life of their child: and to the end they might not lose the credit of hauing a fine slender bodie, made no conscience to destroy that which should haue bin as deare vnto them as their owne liues: I speake of such huswiues as miscaried in the cariage. As for those murthering Medea's who made away their new borne babes by casting them into ponds, priuies, &c. Nunneries within these few yeares would haue funished vs with store of examples, as well as of those which murther them in the wombe. Neither want we examples of former ages: for Pontanus saith of his time: Quod quidem execrationis genus maximè Sacerdotes attingit, qua Deo virginitatem quum vouerint, pollutis tamen votis, ritu (que) sacerdotali periurantèr atque incestè contaminato, grauidae factae, ne scelus pateat, execrabiliori conantur scelere id ipsum prohibere ac corrigere: dum aut medicaminibus adhibitis abortionem procurant, aut partum statim ipsum exanimant, terrae (que) aut cloacis clàm infodiunt. Now when I say that we might haue found store of such examples within these few yeares; my meaning is not, that it is so hard a matter to find some at this present: but that the number was then farre greater then now it is, as well in regard of the multitude of Nunnes, as for that they were in greater feare of losing their good name, if once they should haue bene knowne to haue played fast and loose, then now they are, considering their ghostly fathers are not so strict and stoicall, but that they will (if need be) giue them phisicke for the greene sicknesse. Moreouer, in that they see sundry Nunnes leaue their Nunneries, I meane their brothel-houses and beds, and betake themselues to the marriage bed, where they liue orderly and well: it makes them looke a little better to their consciences before they go about such murthers. Yet it cannot be denied but that this wicked murthering of poore innocents extendeth it selfe beyond the Cloisters, not onely to mariageable maides who are vnder the mothers wing, or in the gouernement of their kinsfolks, (euen to such as are worshipfully & nobly descended) but to widowes also: which the said Pontanus hath not concealed touching those of his time. For he further addeth: Nec verò monstrosa hâc feritate sacerdotes tantùm, verumetiam viduae, ac nubiles puellae, splendidissimae (que) etiam foedantur familiae. But maidseruants of all other are oftenest taken tardie with this fault, and they onely (poore soules) are called coram before the magistrate, according to the old saying alleadged before out of Iuuenal, Dat veniam coruis, vexat censura columbas. For I haue often seene such at Paris hanged for this crime, and none but such. And I remember I once saw an Anatomie in the Phisicke schooles of a maid that was hanged for casting her child into a priuie. To this purpose it is which the said Pontanus addeth in the sequell of that history: Vir maximè notus, mihi (que) perfamiliaris aedes quum emisset, emundaret (que) latrinarum sordes, inter (que) emundandum accurrisset subitam ad exclamationem redemptoris operam eam facientis, animaduertit infantuli cadauerculum sordibus illis inuolutum. [Page] And verily none should be better acquainted with such secrets then midwiues, were it not that the maner is to go to their houses, and after they haue blindfolded them, to leade them to the place where the trauailing woman lieth, whom they also maske or muffle for feare lest the midwiues (who must of necessity haue their faces vncouered) should know her. This I can say of mine owne knowledge, that I once heard a midwife report, that she was not onely thus hoodwincked (a practise that would be found common at this day, if diligent enquirie were made) but that the child also was murthered before her face, as soone as it was borne. And that she did no sooner begin to exclaime against that so hainous and horrible a fact, but she was in danger to haue bene serued with the same sawce by these murtherers and their complices. She further added, that they hung the chamber (in which the woman was deliuered and the child murthered) with white cloth, to the end she might take no notice thereof: and that they conueyed her backe againe to her house hoodwinked as before. By this we may see what murthering minds some women beare. True it is indeed, our Ladies at this day need not to take so cruell a course, considering they haue so many prophylactica to keepe their bellies from tympanizing. Touching the currish crueltie or rather fury and firy affection of women against ther owne bloud: Pontanus recordeth a farre stranger fact then any yet mentioned, of certaine which stifled their children with their owne hands as they were comming from betweene their feete; not so much for feare of hauing their whoredome and harlatry knowne, as to be reuenged of their husbands. Whereof he seemes to speake as of a thing which fell out in his owne time. For hauing discoursed at large of the foresaid villanies committed in those dayes, he addeth, Compertas audio etiam vxores, quae vt viros hoc iniuriarum genere insectarentur, aut illatas ab illis iniurias vlciscerentur, hac potissimùm ratione in lucem venientem prolem proprijs eliserint manibus. Howbeit I cannot thinke that so desperate and diuellish a desire of reuenge could euer enter into the heart of any Frenchwoman: and God grant that France neuer finde a race of such Medea's. But here I am in some doubt whether I should with silence passe ouer those women who commit their children to the first nurses they meete with, neuer enquiring of their qualities and conditions, nor of their skill and will to performe their dutie; nor yet whether they be sound or sickly, of a good or a bad constitution, as rotten, pocky, leaprous, &c. Who after they haue once rid their hands of them, and committed them to their care and custodie, seldome or neuer take thought for them, or remember them, till they heare the passing bell go for them, they being ready to giue vp the ghost. Notwithstanding I dare not call such mothers murtherers, (especially when they haue a iust excuse to exempt them from the performance of this dutie:) Yet thus much I dare say (let them take offence that will, it skilleth not, so that wise and modest matrons be not offended) that they are more cruell then the very heathen, who exposed their children to the wide world, recommending them (as it were) to the starres and destinie. If they shall alleadge for themselues, that all children which fall into the hands of such nurses, neither die, nor otherwise miscarry: I answer againe, neither do all die that are exposed. For fortune is so fauourable to some, that they may thanke God, that euer they were exposed: whereas children committed to such nasty nurses, either die shortly after, or carry about them such diseases and maladies, as make them miserable all their liues long. By which we may see how far women at this day degenerate from the natural affection of the Queene (formerly mentioned) who was so highly offended with one of her Ladies for giuing her child sucke; so loath she was it should [Page] haue any nurse saue her selfe, and so iealous (as it were) of imparting this honor to any other. But sithence I am come by good occasion to speake of the custome which in times past was common among the heathen of exposing children, my purpose is not to giue it so generall a passe, but to discourse of the difference betweene these Pagans, and those who haue the name, and beare the badge of Christians. First then I confesse, that this custome of exposing children hath had small or no entertainment among Christians, as sundry Greeke and Latine authors do sufficiently witnesse. For it hath not bene heard that enfans trouues (as the French call them) were euer exposed by any, but by such as were pinched either with pouertie or feare of infamie. Albeit Monasteries at this day, stand many of these murthering Medea's (who are neither vrged with the one, not pressed with the other) in the same stead that exposing did in old time: which vnnaturall and cruel course they take, lest through the multitude of children they should be constrained to keepe a meaner house and carry a lower saile. And hence it is that many parents make their children beleeue, that they haue vowed virginitie, which (God knows) they neuer meant; and vnder colour hereof confine them in some monastery in their yonger yeares, whilest they know no more what virginitie meanes then little girles, who put the finger in the eye when they are called maides. But what curses and imprecations children thus mued vp, vse against their parents when they come to yeares of discretion, is more then notoriously knowne. The questiō then is, whether they do not as good as murther them, whē they force the stream against his course, in compelling them to enter into such a state of life, wherein they cannot liue without falling into horrible pollutions, which cease not to pull the fearful iudgements of God vpon their heads. For mine owne part I am of opinion, that by how much the soule is more precious then the body, by so much this murther is greater then the former.

15 I might here adde sundry other sorts of murthers, at leastwise facts as hainous as any murther, as of griping vsurers and such as by sinister meanes grind the faces of the poore people, and sift them to the very bran, as pettifogging proctors, prowling promouters, and chicken Iustices, who are therfore rightly called cōmon cut-throates, bloud-suckers, and cormorants of a countrey. But I will content my selfe with these before specified, and come to those that are felons de se (as Lawyers speake) whose examples ought the more to humble vs, in that they shew vs what great power the diuell hath ouer vs, when we giue him but the least aduantage, and stand not vpon our guard by holding him out at the staffes end: I meane when we quench not his firy darts by the shield of faith, and beate them not backe by the sword of the spirit. For though Pagans made little or no conscience to make away themselues, and though most Philosophers approued it by precept, & some also by their practise; yet the Christian world was neuer so corrupt, but that it hath euer condemned these felons de se, and razed them not only out of the number of Christians (by denying them Christian buriall) but euen of men; notwithstanding they haue bene frequent and common in all ages, as histories record. First therefore to begin with women (as we did before with the fact of Lucretia) we reade how that the mother and her two daughters (in the raigne of Diocletian the Emperour) vnder colour of doing their easement, light out of their chariot, in which they were caried to Antioch, there to forsweare Christian religion, and to sacrifice to the Emperours Gods, or shamefully to be intreated, and afterwards put to death; cast themselues into a certaine riuer, and there were drowned. And prophane story affoords vs sundry examples of maides, who chose rather to lose [Page] their liues then their virginity. Whereof we haue sundry presidēts euē at this day, and that in both sexes. Among the rest I remember how a woman of Switzerland, about nine or ten yeares ago, vnderstanding that he whom she had admitted into her bed, was not her husband, but a knauish companion that had deceiued her, fell into such a sea of sorrow, that she drowned her self. And we read in the Queen of Nauarres narrations, of the pitifull death of a gentlewoman who hanged herselfe for very griefe that a Franciscan had had the vse of her body. But more of this hereafter, when we come to intreate of the whoredoms committed by our good Catholicks. I haue also heard of certaine women who dispatched themselues in great fury & rage, for that their husbands had cut in sunder the true loues knot, and profaned the nuptial bed, when they could not be reuenged of them that were riuals of their loue: as also of others, who vpō other occasions haue laid violēt hands vpon themselues. Neither doth this hard hap befall the weaker sexe onely; for we find that many men also haue bene drawne or rather driuen to do execution vpon themselues. And concerning the profanation of the nuptiall bed, let vs here againe call to mind what happened in a towne of Switzerland (about twenty yeares ago) how a man hauing taken his wife in the like fault, and pardoned her for the present, repented certaine dayes after, and slue her; and not her onely, but the children also which he had by her, saying, he would not haue his children called bastards: and hauing so done, cast himselfe headlong from a high steepe place, and brake his necke. In whose bosome a paper was found, wherein he had set downe the reasons which had moued him to commit these murthers, especially to make away himselfe, viz. that knowing himselfe to be but a dead man in law, he chose rather thus to end his dayes then to be put to a shamefull and ignominious death. Which putteth me in mind of that which Pontanus relateth of an Italian Lord, who hauing slaine him whom he suspected to haue bene naught with his wife, was watched so narrowly by his brother, that being out of all hope to escape, he first slue her with his owne hands, and his children after; and hauing so done, threw himselfe from the highest tower of his castle. I haue heard it also credibly reported, that a citizen of Padua hauing slaine his daughters being but very yong, some few dayes after cast himselfe from the top of a rock, in the selfe same place whither he had fled to hide his head. As for those bloudy murtherers of the double die, which make away not onely their children but themselues also, I will here record as tragicall a story as is to be found (in my opinion) in any historian, auncient or moderne, which (as some relate it) was lately acted in Beausse, as followeth: A certaine husbandman (who was reasonably well to liue) binding sheaues in the field, sent his sonne of an arrand home to his house, and being greatly offended with him at his returne, for that he stayed longer then he expected, he threw a clod at him, and hit him such a blow on the head, that he strooke him starke dead, so that he fell groueling downe to the ground; whereupon hauing couered him with sheaues, he went home to his house in a desperate mood: where finding his wife bathing her selfe, and giuing her yong child sucke (whereof she was deliuered not many weeks before) he went into his barne and hanged himself. His wife hauing intelligence hereof by one who had occasion to go into the barne not long after, leaping out of the bath in great feare, left her child so heedlesly in the bath, that it fell into the water, and so was drowned. Where she (poore soule) amazed, and almost beside herselfe to see her husband hang in that ghastly manner, and finding at her returne that her child was drowned, was driuen into such an extasie of despaire, that she went backe againe into the barne, and locking the doore [Page] vpon her, hanged her selfe by her husband. Where note the mischieues that came thicke and three-fold, one in the necke of another: the father killing his sonne, & the mother drowning her child against their wils; and both of them in like desperate mood hanging themselues. Onely here was the difference, that she drowned her child through meere ouersight, and he killed his sonne by meere chance and casualtie: for according to the common saying, He often killeth who thinkes but to hurt.

16 Now as men are driuen to this extremity of distresse and despaire, not onely vpon these or the like, but vpon sundry other occasions: so many there are who for other causes haue made away themselues. For which purpose I might alleadge a packe of villanous vsurers, who by the iust iudgement of God▪ haue had no other executioners then themselues: And all such generally as are tormented with that inward fury of an accusing conscience, are subiect to this so infamous and detestable kind of death. For after they haue once iudicially arraigned and condemned themselues in the Court of Conscience, by a strange kind of proceeding, they put the sentence in execution in as strange a manner. For example: A Secretary in a towne of Switzerland hauing bin sentenced by his conscience (in such sort as hath bin said) vnderstanding that his knaueries were too well knowne: albeit his heart had often failed him, yet in the end he did open execution vpon himselfe, euen then when his keepers thought him furthest from danger. For though they kept him for the present from hurting of himselfe, hauing found him in the bath stabbing and lancing his body with a pen-knife, yet the same day he made a scape from them, and leaping out of a window brake his necke. And here I may not forget Bonauenture des Periers (author of that damnable booke called Cymbalum mundi) who notwithstanding the paines which was taken in watching of him, (for that they saw him in a desperate mood, ready vpon euery light occasion to sacrifice himselfe to his owne shame) fell vpon his sword, the point running in at his breast, and out at his backe. But we haue an example of a farre more strange and dangerous distresse (considering the occasion) in Francis Speira an Italian: and so rare in this kind, that it will hardly be paralleled either with auncient or moderne: for he made himselfe away by such a death as other desperate and diuellish minded miscreants would not willingly choose, viz. by a long and a lingring death; for he famished and pined himselfe away, obstinately abstaining so long from all manner of sustenance, till he had starued his soule out of his body, as we may reade in Sleidan and other historians.

CHAP. XIX. Of Crueltie practised at this day.

ALbeit the murthers formerly mentioned be not altogether voyde of crueltie; nay, though some of them breathe forth (as it were) nothing but barbarous, sauage, and cruell immanitie: I will notwithstanding alleadge some few examples hereof apart by themselues; yet not all our moderne examples promiscuously which offer themselues to my pen, but such onely as are rare and extraordinary, exceeding the vulgar sort. And albeit our last ciuill warres might serue as a plentifull storehouse [Page] to furnish me with choise of matter, yet I will beware how I harpe vpon that string, lest rubbing of old sores, I should make the wounds of many to bleed afresh. Neither will I speake of the cruelties executed at Merindol and Cabriere, which being but barely related in the high Court of Parliament at Paris by the Atturney Aubery and other Lawyers, caused the auditors to stop their eares, they were so hideous and horrible. This one thing may giue sufficient testimonie of the enormitie and hainousnesse thereof, in that Iohn Me [...]ier Lord of Oppede, ring-leader in this dance, as being chiefe President of the Parliament of Prouince, and Lieutenant generall for the King in that country in the absence of the Lord de Grignan, could not find souldiers cruell enough to his liking, notwithstanding he had made choise of the veriest bloudy butchers that were in a country, commanding them (among other his Canniball-like cruelties) to rip vp women with child before his face, & to tread their babes vnder their feet. O currish crueltie, wel worthy that horrible death which befell him, not by the hand of man, but by the iust iudgement of God, the searcher and seer of all secrets! And this persecution raised against the poore people of Merindol and Cabriere, is so much the more famous, in that they led a great army against these poore soules, who neuer desired any thing more then to yeeld themselues, neuer attempting nor once intending to resist and make head against them: but humbly intreating that they might be suffered to vse the liberty of their conscience in their priuate houses, and not to be inforced to admit of the Romane religion; at leastwise that they might be permitted to flie into some other country vpon such condition as they should thinke good.

2 But leauing this history, I proceed to other examples of crueltie, nothing inferiour to that in Herodotus, which notwithstanding is thought by many so incredible. For where is the man to be found, who hearing what he reporteth of Herpanus, viz. how he was serued with the flesh of his owne sonne, and how he are thereof at a feast, to which he was inuited by Astiages King of the Medes (neuer suspecting he should haue bin serued with such a sawce, nor entertained with such a dainty dish) will not presently fancy it to be as very a fable as that which the Poets haue fained of Atreus, who made his brother Thyestes: eate his owne children? Notwithstanding we find as great cruelties practised in these dayes. For Pontanus reporteth how that certaine Italians hauing taken one of a family with which they were in deadly feud, chopped him forthwith into small peeces, and hauing pulled out his liuer, broiled it vpon the coales, and ate of it (euery man his morsell) with great reioycing, vsing sundry solemne ceremonies and merriments therewith: I will here set downe his words at large: A [...]iam meam Leonardam, rarissimi exempli matronam, non sine multis lachrimis puer audi [...]bam referentem, quàm inter digladiantes quasdam inter se familias inimicitia summis exercerentur odijs, captum quempiam factione ex altera, eum (que) è vestigi [...] concisum in minutissima etiam frusta: mox (que) exemptum illi iecur, in prunis candentissimisque carbonibus ab factionis eius principibus tostum, pérque buccellas minutim dissectum, inter cognatos ad id inu [...]tatos in [...]entaculum distributum. Quae aut luporum tam exanhelut [...] rabies, aut sauientis pro erepta prole tigridis hanc ipsam superauerit? Allata etiam post degustationem tan [...] execrabilem p [...]cula non sine collecti cruoris aspergine: congratulationes habita inter se, risus▪ i [...]ci [...], leporésque cibum ipsum condientes. Denique & dijsipsis propinatum tanta vindicta fautoribus. Quid hic exclamem nihil habeo, ni [...]ortè, &c. Which story cals another to mind to this effect. A certaine gentleman bearing great affection to a maried gentlewoman, went into the warres; where he intreated his fellow-souldiers, that if [Page] it were his chance to be slaine in the field, or otherwise to die, they would take his heart and present it vnto her with certain speeches which he deliuered vnto them. After his death (which happened not long after) his heart was taken and kept by the gentlewomans husband (who had bin informed of the request he had made to his fellowes,) and he was no sooner come home, but he caused his cooke to dresse it in such curious manner that his wife a [...]e thereof, thinking of nothing lesse then of such meate. Whereupon asking her how she liked it: she answered, she liked it well. You cannot chuse (quoth he) but like it well, for it is the heart of your best beloued. She straight perceiuing his meaning, tooke the matter so to heart, that she neuer ate good morsell after: neither had she need; for she died shortly after for very griefe. Which fact I haue not here set downe to parallele it with the former crueltie, but only to shew his sauage nature in causing his wife to eate mans flesh. For (all things being well considered) it will appeare that this his currish kindnes towards her, was rather rigorous seuerity then ouergreat crueltie. In like manner a Dutch gentleman punished his wife for playing the strumpet, rather rigorously then cruelly: who hauing slaine the gallant, (to whose lust she prostituted her selfe) appointed her his skull to drinke in, in stead of a cup. The same (in my conceit) may be said of a gentleman of Piemont, who hauing taken his wife in the fact, caused her together with the old bawd (which had holpen her in this businesse) to strangle the gentleman with whō she was found, and to beare the dead corps company all their liues after: for he closed them round within a wall, leauing them onely a little hole, by which they might receiue bread and water. Such facts (I say) are rather to be reckoned in the number of ouer-rigorous punishments, then of ouer-cruell reuenge: as that which I haue alleadged out of Pontanus, which as it may be paralleled with the fact of Astiages recorded by Herodotus, and that of Atreus mentioned by the Poets; so are there sundry in this age which may as fitly be paragonized with that of Medea. At leastwise I can readily furnish the Reader with three. The first is that which I haue already alleadged out of Pontanus, of those murthering Medea's, who to auenge themselues of their husbands, stifled their children comming from them with their owne hands. The second of a huswife of Millan, who (as Bandel reporteth) finding not how to wreake her malice vpon her husband, who was diuorced from her for adultery, being with child by him (albeit he knew not so much) let loose the raines to her rage, and wrought her wreake vpon the fruite of her womb, whereof by violent means she was deliuered three moneths before her time, and after so cruelly massacred it, that I had rather it should be read in the writings of Bandel, then in mine. The third likewise may be taken out of the same author, where he speaketh of a yong Spanish damsell, who hauing prostituted her selfe to a gentleman in hope of mariage which he had promised her (although she was but of meane and base parentage) and hearing afterwards that he was maried to another, conceiued such hatred against him, that she wrought her wits how possibly she might compasse his death: In the end she vsed this policy, she perswaded him by her flattering letters to come and visit her; and the time being appointed when they should meet, she earnestly expected his comming, hauing made all things ready (with the help of an old beldame) to welcom him to her house in such sort and manner, as her fierce and outragious malice (inflamed with extreme desire of reuenge) should counsell her. To the end therfore she might the better come to the period of her intended purpose, and accomplish her designes, though at the first she entertained him with complaints and grieuances, yet by and by after making as though she rested fully satisfied [Page] with the reasons which he alleadged, and that she was somewhat appeased, she yeelded to his impotent affection, to play the wanton with him as before. Whereupon they went to bed together, where she stil expected when to find him sound asleepe, that she might execute her furious enterprise▪ Neither failed she of her purpose for not content to haue giuen him many deadly wounds (being awaked at the first blow, and perceiuing himselfe so intangled in the cord which the old trot had drawne, that he could neither moue hand nor foote) she tyrannized ouer the dead corps by sundry sauage and barbarous cruelties, before she could quench the heate of her rage. For which cruell murther, she hauing voluntarily confessed the fact (at least bewrayed and betrayed her selfe by her words) was beheaded, and the old bawd also, as Bandel saith. Howbeit others (following Paludanus a Spaniard who hath written this story in Latin) affirme that she was neuer taken. How euer it were, we may see the fact of a right Medea in the glasse of this example, as well as in the former: which whosoeuer shall duly consider, cannot thinke that strange which Herodotus reporteth of Amestris wife to King Xerxes, how she hauing procured her husband to deliuer his concubine into her hands, cut off her dugs and cast them to the dogs, as also her nose, eares, lips and tongue; and hauing thus mangled and disfigured her, sent her backe againe to her house. To conclude, if the question be touching the greatnesse of womens crueltie, we are first to be resolued of that which Iuuenal saith, that they are superlatiue in their reuengefull desires: secondly of that which Ouid discourseth of at large, viz. of their mad malicious minds, especially when any encroch vpon their free hold, and disturb them in their possession. His words are these:

Sed neque fuluus aper mediâ tam saeuus in ira est,

Fulmine [...] rapides dum rotat ore canes:

Nec lea, cum catulis lactentibus vbera pr [...]bet,

Nec breuis ignaro vipera laesa pede:

Foemina quàm socij deprensa pellice lect [...]

Ardet, & in vultu pignora mentis habet.

In ferrum flammas (que) ruit, &c.

That is,

More fierce and fell was neuer chafed Boare,

While with his angry tusks he all doth goare

The busie Mastiffe: nor no Lionesse,

Whose suckling whelps her empty teats do presse:

Nor the short Viper hurt with heedlesse gate▪

Then is the wife that finds a riuall mate

Vnto her loue and bed: and in her browes

The signes of her conceiued hatred showes.

For further confirmation hereof, I will alleadge one other example out of Philip Commineus, and that in his owne words, as followeth. ‘For shortly after, the said King Lancelot was poisoned at Pr [...]ge in Bohemia by a noble woman (whose brother I haue seene) with whom he was in loue, and she also with him; who being out of patience because he had maried King Charles the 7. his daugther (now called the Princesse of Vienna) contrary to his promise, poisoned him in a bath by giuing him an apple to eate, putting the poison in the haft of the knife.’ Thus farre Comminens: where he further reporteth that the king of Hungary cast one Matthias into prison (who was King after him) hauing first slaine his elder brother. Now we may well imagine how she would haue entertained the Queene, if she had [Page] had her in her hands.

3 But to returne to these sauage cruelties executed in way of reuenge: Pontanus records a notable example which fell out (as it seemes) in his dayes. A slaue of Mauritania being buffeted by his maister and almost beaten to death, to the end he might be auenged of him, and put an end to his wretched and miserable life, he tooke this course. Hauing espied his time when his master was gone farre from his house (which stood in the countrey) he locked and barred the gates as well as he could, and hauing bound his wife hand and foote, he caried her and her three children to the top of the house, there expecting his masters returne. Who comming home, and finding the gate shut against him, began to threaten his slaue as he shewed himselfe from the house top. The slaue answered that he would by and by make him sing another song: and forthwith threw downe two of his children. The poore man (their father) remaining for a time amazed and confounded at this spectacle, and more like a dead man then a liuing creature, yet comming at last to him selfe againe, thought it his best course to entertaine him with faire language, and to promise him not onely pardon for the two murthers already committed, but also manumission and freedome, to the end he might (at leastwise) saue his third sonne. And so did. But the slaue replied and said, Thou mayst fawne and flatter, and make faire weather with me as long as thou wilt, but I will not spare him for all that, except thou wilt cut off thy nose. The poore man (in hope to saue his childs life) accepted the condition, and cut off his nose. Which he had no sooner done, but the slaue cast him downe from the top of the house, and his wife after. And hauing so done, seeing his master torment himselfe in that manner, and cast forth such horrible outcries, said, Thou mayst hang thy selfe if thou wilt, but I wil keepe my selfe (I warrant thee) out of thy fingers. And hauing so said, cast himselfe downe headlong from the roofe of the house.

4 Now albeit the crueltie which is exercised in this and such like reuenge, be exceeding great, yet it is much more increased, and (as it were) redoubled by those who in wreaking their malice vpon their enemies, wrap in others also with them, who (to vse an old English phrase) cannot do with all. As it fortuned about sixteen yeares ago in a city in Italy (at Boulongne if my memory faile me not,) where a malicious minded miscreant so extreamly thirsted after reuenge, that finding no other meanes how he might cry quittance with his enemy, layd gunpowder in his celler, and afterwards set fire to it, and so blew vp the whole house; where not onely his enemy, but sundry others were murthered with him. Others, no lesse cruell then the former, in stead of reuenging themselues vpon those that haue any way iniuried them, either because the parties are dead, or for that they dare not encoū ter them, reuenge themselues vpon those that are meere innocents, onely because they are allied vnto them, or are their friends or countrimen. Whereof this age wil affoord sundry examples, not only in matter of common hostilitie, but also of priuate enmitie. As the said Pontanus relateth how the Italian Lord hauing slaine one who (as he supposed) had played the knaue with his wife, was so straightly besieged by his brother, that hauing first made away his wife and children, he cast himselfe headlong from the highest tower of his castle. Hereupon (I say) he relateth, how that he which besieged him (called Corradus Trincius) perceiuing that he had escaped his hands, and that he had lost his hint and oportunitie of reuenging himselfe, cruelly murthered all that he could meet with, who were either kith or kin vnto him. And not so onely, but chopped them in peeces like herbs to the pot, and scattered them in the fields and highwayes: the like he did with their bowels [Page] also. His words are these: Corradus Trincius, qui Fulgin [...] Vmbria imperitauit, c [...] so Nicolao eius fratre à praefecto arcis Nucerin [...], ob adulterij suspicionem, praefectum ipsumita expugnara aggressus est, vt ille, amissâ tandem omnispe euadendi, interfectis prius vicora & liberis, sese [...] summa turri deiecerit, ne viuus in Corradi potestatem perueniret. Itaque Corradus deceptus opportunitate in viuum illum s [...]uiendi, quot quot familiares, cognatos, amicos, notos, quique cum illo consuetudinem exercuissent aliquam, captos, cruciatos (que) ad excarnificationem, ad vltimum comminus in frusta, exenterari (que) imperauit, ac per sentes maxime (que) frequentium viarum sep [...]s ac margines eorum vis [...]era intestin [...] (que) suspendi ac passim dispergi: vt [...]eque aut vindictam appellare hanc possis, aut punitionem. But some do worse then all this; when not content to reuenge themselues vpon their enemies, they wreake their malice vpon their kinsmen and acquaintance.

5 There is yet another kind of crueltie practised rather in sport and in a mad merriment then in way of reuenge: whereunto Princes and great Lords are more addicted then men of base or meaner place. Whence grew the prouerbe, (applyed to such as please themselues in keeping reuell rout, and playing the pike in a pond): These be Princes sports, they please them onely that do them. Which puts me in mind of that which I saw done by a yong Nobleman, who was no sooner presented with two great English mastiues, but the toy tooke him in the head, to make triall of them vpon the legs of a poore boy, how well they could bite: and letting them loose at him, he quickly perceiued what they could do: which was a pitifull spectacle to all saue himselfe. And now (gentle Reader) consider how the Athenian Iudges would haue censured such a fact, when they put a yong man to death, onely because he tooke pleasure in putting out of birds eyes; taking it as a pregnant proofe of his future crueltie. But to returne to those that play the bloudy butchers with such as neuer offended them, (nay which are neither kith nor kin, nor yet countrimen to those that iniured them) the said Pontanus writeth of an Italian captaine whom he calleth Nicolaus Fortibrachius, who carried a dumbe man with him whither soeuer he went, laden with halters▪ and when the fancie tooke the foole in the head to hang any that he met with (to the end he might haue some sport) he would make a signe to the dumbe man, and then the whoreson would straight put a rope about the parties necke, and trusse him vp at the next tree. In which pastime the kind captaine tooke such pleasure, that if any one day had passed ouer his head, wherein he had not done some such execution, it grieued him as much as if he had lost so much time. He further maketh mention of one Riccius Monteclarius, whose manner was to kill men in kindnesse, and gently to cut their throates, tempering his crueltie with mimicall conceits. For when he was minded to murther any, his manner was to entertaine them very friendly, and to inuite them to a feast, and to aske them how many glasses of wine they would drinke with him, and how many morsels of such or such baked meate they would eate: and hauing demanded these friuolous & ridiculous questions, he would presently stab them with his dagger till he had killed them.

6 Moreouer, crueltie shewes it selfe in excessiue punishments, to which purpose the said Pontanus alleadgeth an example of the King of Naples Lieutenant, who not content with the punishment prescribed by law, caused malefactors to be sawne in peeces ouerthwart the back. It further bewrayeth it selfe in those that take pleasure in inuenting of new torments, whether with intent to practise them themselues, or to teach them others who may put them in execution. Which puts me in mind of a good fellow who published a book about fiue and twenty yeares [Page] ago, full of pictures of racks, and all kind of tormenting instruments, which the wit of man could possibly deuise. But we may not here forget the iust iudgements of God which haue befallen the inuentors of these cruell torments, as well in this as in former ages. For as Perillus hauing presented the cruell tyrant Phalaris with a brazen bull, which might serue him in steed of a fornace to burne men in, was constrained to take the first triall thereof, and to feele the smart of it himself (as befell Arnutius Paterculus with his brazen horse:) So Philip Commineus telleth vs how the Bishop of Verdan, who first shewed King Lewis the eleuenth the inuention of iron cages, was the first whom the King mued vp in one of them, and that for fourteene yeares together. We reade also of sundry sauages who first felt the smart of their cruell counsell giuen against others. And thus much touching the leudnesse of the Laitie. In the next place we are to borrow a word or two with our good Catholickes of the Popish Cleargie.

CHAP. XX. Other examples of the wickednesse of this age, especially of such as The Popish Cleargie. terme themselues Cleargy-men.

WE haue already heard what inuectiues the good Preacher Menot maketh against the Cleargie of his time: and we know how S. Bernard (long before) cried out against them. Let vs now see if they did repent at the last, and turne from their wicked wayes, making benefite of such reproofes. What say I, benefite? Nay, they were more obdurate and hardened thereby. For as light huswiues before they haue put off their peticoates are as nice as a Nuns hen, and shew some few sparks of shamefastnes and modesty; but when they once perceiue that their licentious leudnesse is brought to light, and that they are vpon the stage, and their liues in euery childs mouth, keepe open house for all comers, and are more lauish both of their lips and lap, yea ten times more exorbitant, in spite of all that speake against them: Euen so for all the world did Cleargy men (at leastwise the greatest part) when they once perceiued they could no longer conceale their symonies, villanies, whoredomes, lecheries, and such like loose and dissolute demeanour, of all which I am now to intreate. For as for their false iugling & erroneous doctrine, wherwith they haue so pestered the world, I am to discourse hereafter apart, towards the end of this booke.

2 Neither wil I now busie my self with their haukes & hounds, as Menot doth, nor with their whores and concubines, nor yet with their crosier staues & myters, viz. how many they should haue (I speake according to Menot who calleth two bishopricks two myters, and two Abbayes two crosier staues) neither with their election, as whether the holy Ghost be president there, or that spirit which had the greatest stroke in the election of Pope Syluester (according to those historians who do not affirme that the diuell was chosen Pope, & called Syluester the second: but that he obtained the Popedome by the helpe of the diuell, to whom he had giuen himselfe body and soule long before.) But will briefly shew that which euery man that hath his eyes in his head, may easily perceiue, as well in these as in sundry other particulars, how that since the time of this Preacher they haue in such sort made forcible entrance and taken possession of the things which they [Page] could not then peaceably enioy, that if he were now liuing he would easily see it were but lost labour to dispute against them. For it is not to be thought that a Popish Prelate will beate his braines now adayes to know whether his benefices be competible or incompetible: how many liuings, how many whores, how many hounds and how many haukes he may keepe. For suppose he haue three cart loades of benefices (if it were possible,) fiue or six heards of whores, and as many hounds as the Cardinal had whom the good Preacher Barelet mentioneth (which were neare a thousand) yea and as many hauks as all the Princes in Christendom (prouided alwayes that he beware how he speake or do any thing for which the Pope his maker may be moued to depriue him:) he is in the meane time dispenced with, as being an honest man: and besides authorized to employ his fiue senses in whoredome and lechery, in despite of the French pocks and the knaue-bald disease (for excommunication hath no power ouer these Ladies) and to keepe (if need be) a dozen of bawds for the purpose. And when his stomacke will not serue him for these, to seeke out daintie bits for his tooth in the very middest of Nunneries (otherwise called monasteries of reformed women) into which it is not lawfull for any secular man to set foote. But if They for he, and so in that which followeth. they chance to be weary with continuall change, or through remorse of conscience betake themselues to one only, and passe their promise to marry her; then are they in danger (forsooth) to be depriued of their liuings, & seuerely to be punished. Wherof we haue late & fresh examples in two moderne Bishops (both I take it yet liuing) who had no better excuse for themselues then to say, that she that was holden to be their wife, was but their concubine or whore. But whether this excuse will passe for paiment before Gods tribunall, let themselues iudge. Howsoeuer, it is not much vnlike that which I heard frō the mouth of the late deceased Archdeacon of Hardas (being at Padua with the Cardinall of Tournon) who said, ‘The diuell take all those maried villains who are permitted to eate laced mutton their bellies full:’ which he spake generally of all the Cleargie, but it arose vpon speech had of a Bishop, who was secretly maried, as it was reported. This was the sentence of this charitable Archdeacon. Now whereas I haue so often called the Pope their maker, be it knowne vnto them, that in so speaking I vse but their owne phrase, saue that they apply it rather to Cardinals then to Bishops: as when they say, Such or such a Cardinall is such a Popes creature; as they know well who haue bene in place where such things haue bene debated. True it is indeed, that in a Councell where this question was propounded, An sint Episcopi immediatè à Christo, an medtatè à Pontifice, a Bishop (who was in a pelting chafe for that they had moued his patience) cried aloud, Parcat mihi Dominus Christus, non sub abapso: which I heard related by a Bishop who told me that he heard it from his owne mouth. Howbeit I do not well remember whether he said it was in the last Councell or in the former. But sure I am that in a Councell it was, where (as he further reporteth) a certaine Doctor seeing himselfe encountred and foiled with certaine texts of Scripture, alleadged for his excuse: Ego non sum Theologus, ego sum Canonista.

3 Howbeit we are not so much to wonder at the Popes greater creatures (who are now growne to such power, credit and account, that they scorne to seek for a dispensation of their creator, to authorize them to liue in all wantonnesse, riot and dissolutenesse, as himselfe doth) as at his lesser creatures, who liuing in some sort vnder discipline, and (as it were) vnder the rod, ought in all reason to be more afraid to offend for feare of the whip. But if I shall demonstrate and shew that euen they also runne with ful swing after their lusts and pleasures, letting loose the raines [Page] to all licenciousnesse, notwithstanding all restraint which ought to withhold them, let the Reader iudge what will become of the rest. By the Popes lesser creatures I vnderstand the single soled Priests, both blacke and white Friers, both Mendicants and Redituaries (if I may vsurpe this goodly Latin word Redituarij) and to be short, all such as are but mushroms and baggage in respect of fat Abbots.

4 But before I come to decipher and lay out their loose life and dissolute demeanour in orient colours, and instance the same by particular examples, I cannot omit that which is notoriously knowne at this day (which notwithstanding may haply seeme incredible to posteritie) how that not long since the weightiest arguments which they could alleadge to proue a man to be out of the right Romish Church (and therefore worthy to fry a fagot) were these: That he was no whoremonger, no drunkard, no swearer, nor blasphemer, and that he did alleadge the Scriptures. In so much that a certaine Fryer being accused to the Bishop his Diocesan to be a Lutheran, was acquitted by him as cleare of the crime obiected, because he wanted none of the foresaid qualities. Whereupon an Epigramme was made, which for the good grace it hath, deserueth here to be inserted, especially considering that (to my knowledge) it neuer came to light before.

Esse Lutheranum rumor te Gaurice clamat:

Sed tuus Antistes te tamen esse negat.

Tam scortaris (ait) quàm si vel Episcopus esses,

Et potas dubiam peruigil vsque diem.

Nec memor es Christi, nisi cum iurare libebit.

Nec scis Scripturae vel breue Iota sacrae:

Nempe per haec sueuit nunquam fallentia signa

Ille vigil sanas noscere pastor oues.

That is (if I hit it right)

Rumor reports thee for a Lutheran,

Thy ghostly father counts thee no such man:

For whores thou haunt'st (saith he) with lustie chase,

As if thou wor'st a myter by thy place.

Thou reuelst so (beside that wanton play)

That euermore thou drink'st the night to day.

Of Christ (saue when thou swear'st) thou thinkst no whit,

Nor know'st one letter of the holy writ.

By these sure signes (that neuer faile their master)

Are all [...]ound sheepe knowne of their carefull pastor.

But let vs heare the description of the vertuous qualities of Friers, made by another Prelate.

Pour nombrer les vertus d'un Moine,

Il faut qu'il soit ord & gourmand,

Paresseux, paillard, mal idoine,

Fol, lourd, yurongne, & peu sauant:

Qu'il se creue à table eu beuuant,

Et en mangeant comme vn pourceau.

Pourueu qu'il sache vn peu de chant,

C'est assez, il est bon & beau.

That is,

If that I must in order tell,

What vertues long to Monkish cell:

[Page]He is not fit for Cell or Couen,

That's not a glutton and a slouen:

Sluggish, lecherous, for nought fit,

A drunken dolt deuoyd of wit.

He must eate at each repast,

Vntill his belly welnigh braist.

He must guzzell in the wine,

Till he be drunken as a swine.

And if he can but chant it well,

This man is fit for Quire or Cell.

To which testimonies these prouerbiall sayings agree very well, As fat as a Frier, As frolicke as a Frier, &c. And these verses put me in mind of a poeme which wil ease me of some labour in gathering the sweet doings and demeanour of these displing Friers (though they haue not the like meanes that Prelats haue:) which notwithstanding I would not haue vouchsafed once to haue alleadged, but that it hath as good a grace, and runnes as roundly as a man would wish.

1

Mes freres, ie vous priez de suiure

Quelque honneste façon de viure

En simplesse & sobrieté▪

Et laisser vostre ebrieté,

Eguillon de toute malice.

Monsieur nous faisons le seruice.

2

Voire, mais viuans sobrement,

Vous seruiriez Dieu purement:

Et puis chacun auroit enuie

De suiure vostre bonne vie.

Mieux vaut suiure vertu que vice.

Monsieur nous faisons le seruice.

3

Mais c'est chose à Dieu detestable,

D'estre assis trois heures à table

A yurongner & gourmander.

Voulez-vous point vous amender,

De peur que Dieu ne vous punisse?

Monsieur nous faisons le seruice.

4

Mais ayant beu vingt fois d'autant

Nul de vous n'est iamais content,

Sentant vuider son gobelet.

Car il demande à son valet

Qu'incontinent il le remplisse.

Monsieur nous faisons le seruice.

5

Mais vos deuis & vos propos

Sont tous de putains & de pots,

Aussi pleins de lasciueté

Que vous estes d'oisiueté:

Et tousiours songez à malice.

Monsieur nous faisons le seruice.

6

Mais pensez-vous seruir à Dieu,

Blasphemans son Nom en tout lieu,

Et ne pensans pour pe nitence,

[Page]Fors qu'à croistre vostre pitance,

Ou crocheter vn benefice?

Monsieur nous faisons le seruice.

7

Mais pensez-vous qui soit assez

De prier pour les trespassez

Qui ont fait du bien au conuent,

Si vous ne priez Dieu souuent

Que sa grace vous soit propice?

Monsieur nous faisons le seruice.

8

Mais quel seruice appelez-vous

D'ainsi murmurer contre nous,

Tout confondre en piteux desordre,

Et despiter Dieu, nous & l'ordre,

Si vostre pitance appetisse?

Monsieur nous faisons le seruice.

9

Mais dequoi seruent tous vos chants,

Quand vous estes trompeurs meschans,

Qui n'auez vertu ne science

Qu'à regratter la conscience

De quelque femmelette nice.

Monsieur nous faisons le seruice.

10

Mais que sert d'aller au moustier,

Et Psalmodier le Psa [...]tier,

Et rechanter en cent façons

Versets, Antiennes, leçons,

Ayans le coeur à la saucisse?

Monsieur nous faisons le seruice.

11

Mais quoi? vostre deuotion

N'est rien que simulation,

Et vostre chant melodieux

N'est à Dieu sinon odieux,

Aimant pur coeur qui le benisse.

Monsieur nous faisons le'seruice.

12

Mais c'est peu de seruir de bouche,

Si le seruice au coeur ne touche.

Auoir l'esprit à la cuisine

En chantant au temple matine,

Ne sert qu'aux poulmons d'exercice.

Monsieur nous faisons le seruice.

13

Mais pour le seruice diuin

Vous faites seruice de vin,

En fredonnant vos doux accords.

Mais que nourrissiez vostre corps,

Peu vous chaut que l'ame perisse.

Monsieur nous faisons le seruice.

14

Mais vous estes si desreiglez,

Et en vous maux tant aueuglez,

Qu'il n'y a homme si sauant

Par ses raisons vous poursuiuant,

[Page]Qui de rien amender vous puisse.

Monsieur nous faisons le seruice.

15

Mais vous ne donnez iamais rien,

Et ne vous chant quand ne combien,

Ne qui, ne quoi, n'en quelle sorte

On vous donne & on vous apporte,

Mais que le conuent enrichisse.

Monsieur nous faisons le seruice.

16

Mais vous n'auez ni soin ni cure

De lire la saincte Escriture,

De l'estudier ni entendre,

De la retenir, & l'apprendre

Au s [...]t & ignorant nouice.

Monsieur nous faisons le seruice.

17

Pour responsè au Souprieur faire,

Le conuent dit, qu'il n'y a frere

Qui n'accomplisse & ne consente

A l'exhortation presente,

Et de bon coeur n'y obeisse.

Monsieur nous faisons le seruice.

18

Mais quand ie di, Frere Simon,

Pourqu [...] n'allez-vous au sermon?

Frere Gring [...]ire & frere Gille

Que ne preschez-vous l'Euangile?

Chacun dit, Ie fai [...],

Pater, en disan [...] seruice.

19

Or ne sauroit-on tant prescher,

Tant exhorter, tant reprocher

Leur mauuais train, pour les confondre,

Que ne les [...]yez tous respondre,

Quelque chose que dire puisse,

Monsieur nous faisons le seruice.

That is,

1

To you sir Friers this sute I make,

That some good course of life ye take,

In single heart and sobernesse,

And leaue your dayly drunkennesse,

Which of all ill doth stirre the fire.

An't please you (Sir) we serue the Quire.

2

Ye do: but if you sober liue,

To God ye shall right worship giue:

And in the people breed a strife,

To tread in steps of your good life.

Vertue then vice hath better hire.

An't please you (Sir) we serue the Quire.

3

But vnto God 'tis detestable,

To sit full three houres at the table,

In drunkennesse and belly cheare.

Why do ye not amend this geare?

[Page]Lest God you punish in his ire?

An't please you (Sir) we serue the Quire.

4

But when y'haue drunke carowses twentie,

If once ye find your mazors emptie,

Not one of you doth rest content,

But cals for fresh replenishment

Vnto his nouice or apple-squire.

An't please you (Sir) we serue the Quire.

5

But what's all your discourse and talke?

Of queanes, and how the pots may walke.

As full of lust and wantonnesse,

As you your selues of idlenesse.

Ye muse of ill in towne and shire.

An't please you (Sir) we serue the Quire.

6

But thinke you, God ye serue aright,

His name blaspheming day and night?

Ne're thinking of contrition,

But how t'encrease your pension,

Or some fat benefice t'acquire.

An't please you (Sir) we serue the Quire.

7

But thinke you t'is enough at least,

To pray for such as are deceast,

And to your Couent something gaue?

While you ne pray that God ye saue,

And with his grace your hearts [...],

An't please you (Sir) we serue [...] Quire.

8

But what a seruice call you this?

If of your commons ought ye misse,

In spight of God, vs, and our calling,

To make such murmuring and such brawling?

Enough to set the world on fire.

An't please you (Sir) we serue the Quire.

9

But wherefore serue your songs so graue,

When each you playes the cosining knaue?

And hath no vertue nor science,

Saue to vexe womens conscience,

Which are full nice in their attire.

An't please you (Sir) we serue the Quire.

10

But what auaileth't to go to Kirke,

To sing the booke of Dauids werke:

To descant in an hundred sorts

Your Lessons, Anthemes, and Reports:

When pudding is your chiefe desire?

An't please you (Sir) we serue the Quire.

11

But this your inuocation,

Is deepe dissimulation.

And these your songs melodious,

Are vnto God but odious,

Who doth the praise of th'heart require.

[Page]An't please you (Sir) we serue the Quire.

12

But little auailes to sing with voyce,

Except the heart sing and reioyce.

It is but exercise of lungs,

To straine your sides and wag your [...]ungs,

The while your mind's at kitchin fire.

An't please you (Sir) we serue the Quire.

13

But you in stead of worke diuine,

Best seruice offer vnto wine:

Their Ayres you chant most sweet and fresh,

And, so you pamper may the flesh,

You care not for the soule a brier.

An't please you (Sir) we serue the Quire.

14

But you are so inordinate,

So hoodwinck'd in your foule estate,

That not the wisest man aliue,

Can argument so well contriue,

T'amend the life of Monke or Frier.

An't please you (Sir) we serue the Quire.

15

But nought you giue, and all you take,

Regardlesse how, and for whose sake,

Of whom, or why, (so that you haue

The thing your greedy gut doth craue:)

What care you so y'enrich the Priour?

An't please you (Sir) we serue the Quire.

16

But neuer comes it in your head,

The sacred scriptures once to reade:

To study them, or marke their frame,

To thinke thereon, or teach the same

Your nouices, for thanks or hire.

An't please you (Sir) we serue the Quire.

17

For answer vnto the Subpriour,

The Couent saith there's not a Frier,

But well accepts and doth fulfill

This exhortation, heart and will.

Obedient as child to sire,

And all say (Sir) we serue the Quire.

18

But when I say to him, or him,

Why mist you sermon, Frier Sim?

Sir Giles, and you sir Gregory,

Why preach you not the Gospell? Why?

An't please your worship, saith the Frier,

I do my dutie in the Quire.

19

And thus they answer all and each,

(What ere we say, what are we preach:)

Nor can the voice of man so sound,

As their ill guises to confound:

But still in answer they conspire:

An't please you (Sir) we serue the Quire.

[Page] But seeing I haue honored the Laitie so farre as to register their liues and actions thus authentically (as it were) in the court roles, from point to point, I feare me I should be holden an enemy to our holy mother the Church, some lurking Lutheran or odde Huguenote, if I should not make as honorable mention of her obedient children the Catholike Cleargy.

CHAP. XXI. Of the lechery and whoredome of the Popish Cleargie.

FIrst therefore to begin with whoredome: let vs see to what height it is growne since Menots time. Est filia seducta (saith he, fol. 82. col. 3.) quae fuit per annum inclusa cum sacerdote cum poto & cochlcari (at bed and boord) hodie venit ad confessionem: vis dicere quòd cras debet ire ad dormiendū cum Canonico, vel cū alio sacerdote, & sic perseuerare toto tempore vitae suae? Moreouer he saith that the first prey that souldiers sought for whē they entred any towne, was Priests lēmans (or concubines.) But if I durst be so bold, I wold speake of the infamous tribute which was wont to be exacted of Priests, to the end they might be dispenced with for keeping of lēmans, which hath also borne a shameful name. And such as desire to know the originall of such sweet doings, may here see it. In the first Councel of Toledo (which was holdē (as the story saith) in the raigne of the Emperors Arcadius and Honorius:) to the end it might appeare what holy spirit was then president in Councels among a nūber of Prelates there assembled, this canon was agreed vpon for the keeping of Concubines. Caeterùm is qui non habet vxorem, & pro vxore concubinam habet, à communione non repellatur; Tamen vt vnius mulieris, aut vxoris, aut concubinae, (vt ei placuerit) sit coniunctione contentus. And about two hundred yeares after, Isidore (as Gratian quoteth him in his great dunghill of decrees, dist. 34.) hath written hereof in these words: Christiano non dicam plurimas, sed nec duas simul habere licitū est, nisi vnam tantùm, aut vxorē, aut certè loco vxor [...]s (si coniux acest) concubinam. Whereupon Priests inferred, that seeing such liberty was granted to common Christians by vertue of this text, they which made others Christians had a larger priuiledge, and so haue vtterly reiected mariage, as too strict a rule. But as for keeping of concubines, they so notoriously abused themselues and their neighbours wiues, that Germany (in the raigne of the Emperour Maximilian) amongst many other grieuances against the Church of Rome (called Grauamina) exhibited two to this effect (concerning the foresaid tribute) grau. 75. Insuper etiam clericos religiosos (que) & saeculares, accepto ab eisdem annuo censu, publicè cum suis concubinis, pellicibus & alijs id genus meretricibus illegitimè cohabitare, liberos (que) procreare sinunt. Againe, grau. 91. Item in locis plerisque Episcopi & corum officiales non solùm tolerant sacerdotum concubinatum, dummodo certa persoluatur pecunia, sed & sacerdotes continentes, & qui absque concubinis degunt, concubinatus censum persoluere cogunt, asserentes Episcopum pecuniae indigum esse: quâ solutâ, licere sacerdotibus vt vel coelibes permaneant vel concubinas alant. But they not content with their concubines or whores, haue further by subtill sleights abused honest and chast matrons. For proofe whereof the Queene of Nauarre relateth a very memorable and tragicall history, which I will here briefly set downe. There was a Franciscan lodging in the house of a gentleman of Perigort (whom the Frier ruled [Page] at his pleasure, and by reason that he was his confessor, was very inward with him) who being priuie and after a sort author of the purpose which the gentleman had to lie that night with his wife, (deliuered but 3. weekes before) played his part so well, that he came before the appointed time in stead of her husband. And hauing satisfied his lust, went away vnknowne vnto her, because he spake neuer a word: & going presently to the porter, willed him to open the gate, and to helpe him to his horse, making him easily beleeue what he listed, by reasō of the great credit he was in. Afterward came her husband at the time appointed; where she (thinking it had bin he who was newly departed from her) could not refraine, but vsed certaine speeches vnto him, wherby he perceiued the knauish part that had bin playd him. And because there lodged none in that part of the house but his wiues brother & the Franciscan, he suspected the Frier, and hyed him straight to his chamber, but found him not, which greatly increased his suspition. But hauing spoken with the porter, he was fully perswaded that it was he indeed. Whereupon he returned back to bring his wife word how the matter stood: which did so exceedingly perplexe her, and driue her into such a desperate & furious fit, that being there all alone (her husband hauing left her to pursue the Frier) she hanged her selfe: and as she strugled too and fro in the agony of this cruell death, she killed her little babe, with a blow of her foot. Who being ready to giue vp the ghost, cried out so loud, that it awaked a woman lying in the chamber, who hauing beheld this pitifull spectacle, all amazed and affrighted ranne to looke for her mistris brother: who being come, and seeing his sister in this lamentable estate, after many outcries and deepe sighes asked her who it was that had committed that horrible fact; she answered she knew not, but this she knew for certen, that none came into the chamber but her master. Wherupon he presently ransacked euery corner of the house to find him out: and finding him not, was the rather perswaded that he and none but he had committed the murther. Thereupon he tooke horse and hotly pursued him, and watching him by the way as he returned from following the Franciscan (whom he could not ouertake) he no sooner saw him but calling him dastard and villaine, drew vpon him. The other (hauing no leisure to enquire the cause of such an assault) was faine to stand vpon his guard. And thus they continued foining and fighting, till in the end, what with bleeding, what with wearinesse, they were constrained to surcease. Then the gentleman vnderstanding of his brother in law, that he was innocent and ignorant of the fact, and hearing what the Franciscan had done, and how that whilest he was pursuing him, this other mischiefe had happened, he cried him mercy for wounding of him, and getting him on his horse (as well as he could) brought him to his house, where he died the next morning, confessing to his kinsfolks and acquaintance that himselfe was the cause of his owne death. Howbeit his brother in law was counselled for satisfying of the law, to sue for his pardon to King Francis the first, which he obtained. By which story we see that the inordinate lust of a Monke was the death of three persons. But we shall hereafter heare of a more horrible fact committed by another of the same coate: a Frier of the same fry, who with his owne hands committed three murthers to atchieue his mischieuous purpose, which was to haue his pleasu [...]e of a gentlewoman of the house where he lay: for the effecting whereof, his purpose was to conuey her to his couent. But I will reserue this narration for the Chapter where I intend to speake of murthers and manslaughters. Meane while this one thing I must needs say by the way, that it was an vsual thing with those displing Friers in former times to conuey gentlewomen to their Cloisters, stealing them away either in the [Page] Church (when for deuotion they stayed somewhat longer then their fellowes) or in some other place where they might do it conueniently. As may appeare by that knowne storie, of a gentlewoman who was rescued by her husband as she passed by his house coming from a couent of the Franciscans (where she had bin long time prisoner) to go to another, there to be exchanged for another woman; being conducted by certaine ghostly fathers, apparelled and pouleshorne as they were. But lest any should thinke that there neither is, nor euer was any such danger for gentlewomen to fall into the hands of these false Fryers: I am not in such hast but that I can tell you what befell a butcher of Strasbourgh, some few yeares before the Franciscans were expelled thence. How that hauing lost his wife, & thinking she had bin dead (and so she was indeed to him, but not to the Franciscans who kept her cum poto & cochleari, at bed and boord, as Menot speaketh) seeing a Nouice which came ordinarily to the shambles with a ghostly father, he was wont to say, that he did so wel resemble his wife, that had he not bin perswaded she were dead, he should thinke it was she disguised in strange attire. In the end it was well knowne that the poore butcher had good cause to thinke so: and that this nouice, that is to say, one that wore the habit of a Franciscan nouice, was his wife indeed, whom he thought he had lost. Which vile villany God in his prouidence suffered not to be detected till that the abuses of Popish religiō were discouered, for which as well the Franciscans as the other Monks, together with all the Cannibals of the Crucifix were expelled the citie. Many other examples there are of the like feates which these good vpholders and fauourers of Saint Francis were wont to play. And the foresaid Queene of Nauarre recordeth a pleasant story to this purpose, of two Franciscans, who (because they neuer carry mony about them) would needs haue rauished their ferrywoman, and payd their fare in that payment: howbeit their good will (which they could not put in execution) was for that time reputed for the deed. But sith this good Princesse hath done vs and succeeding posteritie so great a pleasure, as to take the paines to record certaine stories as pregnant proofes of the chastitie of these venerable Friers, and to publish them in print, I wil omit the most notable of all the rest, viz. of a Franciscan in a towne of Perigord, who at the mariage of his hosts daughter, caused meate to be serued into his chamber for himselfe and his fellow Frier, making scruple to sit at table with the rest of the guests; yet made no conscience after supper to go to bed with the bride in humilitie, taking the same paines with her in charitie which he knew the bridegroome meant to take. Notwithstanding I may not omit a fine feate played by a Franciscan, who maried his companion to an Italian gentlewoman, and so cunningly handled the matter that he had fiue hundred duckats for his paines, which his fellow had receiued for his wiues dowrie: & brought it so about, that he peaceably enioyed her, and receiued all kind entertainment at her and her mothers hands (who was a widow) which a new maried man could in reason expect. This iolly Franciscan (being ghostly father to the widow) had brought her to so good a beleefe in his gods, that she verily thought her daughter had met with a better match then possibly she could haue wished. And the better to perswade her (although he needed no great Rhetorick for this purpose, considering the good opinion she had conceiued of him, by reason of the great deuotion she bare to his order) he vsed this speech vnto her, (suting the request which she had made vnto him to find out a fit match for her daughter:) I am fully perswaded (quoth he) that God hath sent his Angell Raphael vnto me (as he did to Tobias) to find out a good husband for your daughter. For (I assure you) I haue met with the honestest [Page] yong gentleman that is this day in Italy, who hath somtimes seene your daughter, & is so far gone in loue, that as I was to day at my prayers, God sent him vnto me, to shew me the great desire he hath that this match may go forward. And therefore knowing his house, kinsfolkes, and honest demeanour so well, I promised him I would breake the matter vnto you. See here the preface which this ghostly father vsed to this silly widdow. But to set a faire glosse vpon the matter, and to take away all suspicion of double dealing, he further added: True it is, there is one fault which I find in him, & it is but one: The thing is this; going about to rescue one of his friends whom his enemie would haue slaine, he drew his sword thinking to haue parted the fray: but it so fortuned that his friend slue the other, whereupon (though he had striken neuer a stroake) he fled the Countrey because he was present at the murther:The French word signifies murther, and therefore I haue kept the propriety of the word: for otherwise it should be called manslaughter rather then murther. and by the aduice of his kinsfolkes hath withdrawne himselfe into this city in a schollers attire, where he continues as a stranger vnknowne; & is so to remaine till such time as his friends shall take order for his returne, (which he hopeth they will do very shortly. And therefore the mariage must secretly be solemnized; and you must permit him to frequent publicke Lectures in the day time, and euery night to sup and lodge with you. The silly old widow found great probabilitie in all this tale, (for as the common saying is, It is an easie matter to deceiue where there is no deceit) so that vpon these conditions they were betrothed the same day, and at Masse after midnight were maried, and the mariage being consummate, liued together (for a time) with mutuall loue and liking one of another: so that her mother said, she had great cause to thank God. But Dominus vobiscum vttered in the Masse by this so honest a young gentleman (who was both a Franciscan & a Masse-priest) began to marre the market. For this new maried mistris going with her mother to heare Masse in the couent of the Franciscans (according to the great deuotion which she bare to Saint Francis, as hath bene said) as this gentle Sir Iohn turned himselfe to say Dominus vobiscum, she poore soule was stricken with greater astonishment then euer bel-founder was, telling her mother that the Priest which said masse was her husband, at least one that much resembled him. Her mother making great scruple once to imagine that such holy men would vse such false dice, and thinking withall that such a thought could not be entertained without a mortall sinne, laboured to draw her daughter from that opinion. But Ite, missa est, strucke it dead. For turning himselfe the second time, he did not onely confirme her in her opinion, but made her mother also of the same mind: who notwithstanding would not fully beleeue it till the euening, that she came and found him in bed with his wife; where (according to the plot which they had laid) she held his hands as though it had bene in sport, whilest her daughter pulled off his night-cap. Vnder which finding his shauen crowne, they needed not to make any further doubt whether he was a Priest or no, but rather to deuise how they might be reuenged as wel of him as of the ghostly father; whom the old gentlewoman sent for without delay, making as though she had some great secret to impart vnto him. In the end she deliuered them ouer into the Iudges hands, who (doubtlesse) would neuer haue suffered them to haue escaped so scotfree as they did, but that they were corrupt at the core: as the Queene of Nauarre saith in the end of this narration. But I heard afterwards in Italy, that they acquit them vpon small penance. For in times past they made conscience (as we know) to lay hands vpon these holy men; nay they were glad to rid their hands of them, and to turne them ouer to their gardians, to be dismissed in pace, or otherwise dealt with as they should thinke good. And sithence we are speaking of Italy, I wil here insert [Page] the history of that lecher who played the knaue with one Berengers wife, an Italian Marquesse. This houswife (neuer respecting the noble house whence she was descended) played the harlot with one of her Chaplaines (though a very dandiprat, and exceedingly deformed.) But this companion escaped not so scotfree as his fellowes. For being bewrayed by the barking of a dogge, he was taken and stripped starke naked, and had that part cut off wherewith he had offended. Which happened in the time of Pope Steuen the eight, about the yeare of our Lord 941. But to returne to Franciscans: I haue not forgotten the history of the gray Frier (calling himselfe Saint Francis) who played his part so well with a silly superstitious woman, that she admitted him to her bed: but before he could bring his resolution to execution, the curtaine was drawne, and the play ended otherwise then he expected, and by those whom he neuer suspected. For Saint Peter (as porter of Pararadise) and Saint Thomas (as one who would neuer haue beleeued such a matter) came to seeke him euen to his beds side, and sent him packing after another manner then he came thither. I haue not (I say) forgotten this story, but reserue it to his proper place.

2 Now these gallants not content to play the knaues in graine, and to exceed all the ruffians that euer entred the Huleu of Paris in obscenitie of speeches and filthy conuersation, haue bin bold (and that in open pulpits) before the crucifixe and all the men and women Saints there present (keeping demure countenances in looking on and saying nothing) to vse such modest talke as were enough to make all the whores (at least the curtizans of Venice and Rome) to blush for shame. Witnesse a Franciscan of Tours, who preaching vpon Easter tuesday in a village called S. Martin le beau, nigh the citie Bleré in Touraine, and recommending him selfe and his sute vnto them, said, Madames, I am bound to giue you thankes for your liberality to our poore couent. But shall I tell you? you haue not considered of all our necessities. And then he vsed such a villanous speech, that is, so beseeming his cloister (according to the old saying, A man is not to looke for grapes of thornes, or figs of thistles) and so vnworthy all chast eares, that I will not staine my paper therewith. And if perhaps I forget my selfe so much in other places as to blot paper with the like, I shall desire the Reader not to take offence thereat, nor to gather thereupon that I take pleasure in the recitall of such hideous and horrible villanies; but to perswade himselfe that the onely desire I haue to decipher out villaines by their villanies, and wicked men by their wickednesse (to the end that the knowledge of them may breed a bitter detestation of such monstrous abomination) hath moued me to imitate the Lacedemonians, who teaching their children sobrietie and temperance, shewed them their slaues drunken, that seeing their beastly behauiour, they might in their youth grow to a lothing and detestation of their drunkennesse. Notwithstanding if there be any curious head, desirous to know what this rotten speech was, which the Monke vttered, he shall find it (with sundry others) in the narrations of the Queene of Nauarre, whose meaning (in publishing those Nouuelles) was to let posterity vnderstand the notorious wickednesse of these false Friers, who were reputed not only honest men, but euen pety Saints. Now as the Satyrist saith, Nemo repente fuit turpissimus: so it is certen that their loose licencious life & dissolute demeanour hath dayly increased & growne by degrees. But we haue seene it in the ruffe, especially sithence this rascall rout is come to this passe, to desire (as one writeth) that they might be permitted in their confessions to handle those parts & members of the body, which had bin instruments in committing the sinne which they confessed. And when a Bishop told one of them (that [Page] had put vp this petition) what an absurd and shamefull thing it would be for men and women to shew their priuities: he answered, that if it were accounted no dishonesty for confessors to contemplate at the same instant with the eyes of the mind (which are far more pure and precious then the eyes of the body) not onely the parts & members of the body which had committed filthinesse, but the filthy fact it selfe disclosed and layed open vnto them in holy [...]hrift; much lesse ought it to be thought a dishonest or vnseemly thing to behold and view them with their bodily eyes. Further, he alleadged that the confessor resembling the spirituall Phisition, ought to feele his patient as well as the bodily Phisition doth his. And these his Scoggin-like scoffes he burnished with blasphemies, prophanely abusing the words of our blessed Sauiour, Go and shew thy self to the Priest: as though the Iewes had bin accustomed to strip off their clothes, and shew themselues naked to the Priest. But to returne to these iolly Preachers: what modest speeches (think we) vse they in priuat, whē they vse such obscene scurrility in publik? When I say in priuat, I meane not onely their owne cloisters, but the cloisters of their most deare, louing and welbeloued sisters: for their maner was to build them neare together. Whereupon a merry companion tooke occasion to say, Here is the barne, and there are the threshers. Which puts me in mind of that which a ieaster once said to King Henry the second: for when it was debated which way they might best furnish the King with mony, he propounded two. The first was, that if the King would let him weare his crowne by course, he would furnish him with two millions of gold. The second, that he should giue commaundement that all Monks beds should be sold, and the mony brought vnto him. Whereupon the King asking him where the Monks should lie when their beds were sold? with the Nunnes, quoth he. Whereupon the King replied; But thou considerest not, that there are nothing so many Nunnes as Monks. To which he had this answer at his fingers ends; It is true, if it please your Highnesse (said he) but euery Nun can wel lodge half a dozen Monks at the least.

3 But how comes it to passe (may some say) that these poore Franciscans are more commonly flouted and played vpon then the other fry of Friers? Verily it is not for want of examples as well of other Monks as of simple sir Iohns; but because they beare the world in hand that they haue ascended a note aboue Ela, and attained a greater degree of holinesse then the rest of this rable, therfore they are more narrowly looked into then the rest. And when the best of them all (who boast themselues to be most holy) are not worth a rush, it must needs follow that the rest are bad enough. Neuerthelesse, for his satisfaction who might haply make such an obiection, I will alleadge some rare examples of simple Sir Iohns, that is, of such as are not Monks, but single soled Priests. First then we are not to wonder that these gallants (especially Curats and Vicars) should go into euery mans house and take toll of their wiues, seeing all men almost (at least the greatest part) kept open house for them, and put them in trust with their wiues, making account that they had to deale with their soules onely, and not with their bodies. In such sort that a simple sot finding a Sir Iohn at worke with his wife, durst hardly beleeue (for feare of committing a mortall sinne) that he came thither for any bad intent. Which women knowing wel enough, were not to seeke for an excuse when they chanced to be found at vnawares with their good Curate: as we haue formerly alleadged examples of their craft and subtilty in playing false with their husbands, when and as often as they were taken napping in the fact with one or other of their kind acquaintance. But let vs see what subtill sleights Priests and Monkes had in their [Page] budgets, to passe their wicked purposes, when they met with any obstacle or rub in their way. It is reported of two or three good fellowes (one of which was a kind Curate in a burrough-towne situate in the mountaines betweene Daulphiné and Sauoy) who counselled the good wiues of their parish to faine themselues to be possessed, that when their husbands went on pilgrimage for the dispossessing of them, they might commit them to their custody till their returne, that so they might not be niggards of their stoles, nor their other instruments which might do their wiues good. We reade also of sundry others through whose counsell women haue fained themselues sicke of one disease or other, whereunto their sexe is vsually subiect, that vnder colour of applying to them their relikes, they might apply vnto them some other thing. As a Minorite Frier in Sicily serued the yong wife of an old Phisition, named Agatha. For she hauing in her confession layd open to this Monke some part of her mind, as namely that she bare no great affection to her husband: and hauing giuen sufficient intimation (at least to one of so quicke a conceit, as without casting of her water could soone perceiue where she was pained) that she longed for change of pasture, was perswaded by him (before he had absolued her) that the next day when her husband was gone to visit his patients, she should faine her selfe sicke of the mother (as indeed she was somewhat subiect vnto it) and that she should call for the helpe of my Lord S. Bernardine: which she did. VVhereupon they intreated this Minorite to bring the miraculous relikes of S. Bernardine, and apply them to this poore patient. The Frier being glad that his plot stood in so good terms, foreslowed not his businesse, but coming straight to her beds side, and finding more witnesses there then he desired, told them that he must begin with holy shrift, which was enough to make them all voyde the roome; so that there only remained his companion and the gentlewomans maid. And then was it time both for mistris and maid to go about other matters then confession. Now as they were hard at worke, the poore Phisition came home (not giuing the pedlar of relikes so much time as to put on his breeches, but onely to leape out of bed) and finding these two confessors so neare his wife, beganne to scratch his head, not daring to speake all that he thought. But it strucke him to the heart (poore soule) when after their departure he found one of the Confessors breeches vnder the beds head, as he was tricking vp his wiues pillow. But as the morall was well handled, so the play was farre better acted. For his wife presently preuenting him said: Sweet husband, because the relique of blessed S. Bernardine hath recouered me, I desired the Confessor to leaue it with me, fearing a relapse. The Frier being aduertised by the maid of the starring hole which her mistris had found, (to the end that the Catastrophe might be answerable to the Prologue) returned to fetch his breeches with ringing and chiming of bels, with crosses and holy water, accompanied with all the fry of their fraternity, and namely with the Priour of the house: and hauing taken them out of a faire linnen cloth (in which the sicke soule had wrapped them) he caused all the standers by to kisse them, and first of all the silly noddy her husband: and hauing layd them vp in a shrine, departed thence with this precious and wonder-working Iewell. Others (as Poggius) report that the breeches of S. Francis couered the knauery of the breeches which the Minorite Frier had left behind him. To the same purpose Boccace writeth of an Abbatesse in Lombardy, who rising in hast from a Priest (with whom she had layen that night) to take one of her Nuns in bed with her Paramot: in stead of her vailes (which some call the psalter) she for haste put on the Priests breches on her head; which the poore Nunne straight perceiuing, as she was to receiue her benedicite [Page] (for the points of the breeches hung downe on either side,) Madame (said she) first tie your coi [...]e, and then I will be contented to heare whatsoeuer admonition you shall giue me: with that the Abbatesse perceiued what it was, that she had inconsiderately put vpon her head, and there upon changed the copie of her countenance, and was streight in another key. In this history there is one remarkable point, which I may not omit, wherein all agree which relate the same (although they vary somewhat in other circumstances) viz. how this iolly Minorite vnder pretence of shriuing her, tooke occasion to lie with her. This I say is the rather to be marked, because it confirmeth the saying of that good old Preacher Oliuer Maillard, who complaineth that after these gallants haue heard womens confessions, and learned who they be that follow the occupation, they run after them. Qui auditis confessiones mulierum, deinde curritis post eas. Howbeit we haue more auncient and authenticall testimonies hereof. For Poggius a Florentine reporteth that there was an Eremite at Padua called Ansimitius (in the raigne of Francis the seuenth, Duke of that city) who being held to be a holy man, corrupted many women (those especially which were descended of noble houses,) and all vnder colour of confession. And he addeth a very pleasant ieast, how that when this Eremite was detected, he was brought before the Duke, who hauing examined him, caused his secretary to know of him the names of all the womē which he had abused. Who after he had reckoned vp a great number, such especially as resorted to the Dukes pallace, he sayd, he had told all. But the Secretarie still vrging him to confesse more, and to conceale neuer a one. The poore Eremite fetching a sorrowfull sigh, said, Why then (Sir) write downe your owne wife. At which words the Secretary was so astonished, that the pen fell out of his fingers. The Duke on the other side was almost resolued into laughter. But to omit these examples: daily experience doth sufficiently shew, that auricular confession serued Priests and Monks in stead of nets to catch women withall. For my part I remember wel, I once heard a Priest at Paris vpbraided for lying with a woman in the Church presently after he had shriuen her. I haue also heard of a Curate neare to Vienne in Dauphiné, who was taken (about twelue yeares since) playing the knaue behind the high Altar on good Friday, with a woman whom he had vnder benedicite, with whom he had often playd the like pranke. For punishment of which offence he was sentenced by the Bishop of the Diocesse not to sing Masse for a certaine time. VVhich puts me in mind of a grieuous punishment which an Italian Bishop inflicted vpon a Priest (about forty yeares ago) for his cruel handling of a poore tradesman, in beating him most barbarously beyond all meane and measure, viz. that he should not set foot in any Church for the space of three moneths. VVhich sentence the magistrate of the place perceiuing to be ouerpartially giuen in the behalf of the Priest, so encouraged the poore man vnderhand, and heartned him so on, that he was fully resolued to be reuenged. Neither failed he of his purpose: for meeting with his Sir Iohn in a place where he was not able to make his part good, he beat him well and thriftily, restoring him his blowes with aduantage. For which fact being complained of to the magistrate, he commaunded him that he should not set foot in any tauerne for three moneths after. VVhich sentence of the magistrate when it came to the Bishops eare, he was much offended. Howbeit the magistrate (who knew well what he had done) was not mute nor vnprouided of an answer, but replied in this sort: Say, (I beseech you my Lord) do you not thinke it a greater punishment for him which is wont neuer to lie out of the Tauerne, to be forbidden to go thither for the space of three moneths, then for a Priest to be debarred [Page] for three moneths from coming to Church, which he makes so litle account of, that he could be content for a smal matter neuer to come there al his life long? This story I was the more willing to record, because it doth so well exemplifie the light penance which the other Bishop enioyned the wicked Priest, who was so impudent to play the fornicating Frier (I say not in the Church, but) hard by the high Altar; not vpon Shroue-tuesday, but vpon good Fryday, golden fryday, holy friday, when all men are weeping full sore and bitterly for the poore god which is kept in prison: wherein so much as to laugh, is accounted a venial sinne: and which is more, in the sight of all the he and she Saints in the Church, who turning their faces aside for shame, could notwithstanding see them as well behind as before: To be short, who committed such a crime, for which he deserued (to speake according to their cannons) to die fiue hundred deaths, if it were possible. And notwithstanding this so light and slight a punishment, the Legate of Auinion thought it so great and so grieuous, that he released him thereof. So that M. Curate played the knaue againe with the same woman, and in the same place more freely then euer before, in spight of all that spake against it; neither did he surcease from singing his ordinary Masses, which were found as sauory and toothsome, yea as easie to be digested by those which greedily feed vpō such froth, as the Masses of the maidenliest Priest of them all. Now who so lift to make diligent inquiry into all the knaueries committed by these Church-men, shall find them almost infinite. But their punishments so exceeding rare, and (for the most part) so slight and slender, that it was, in a maner, nothing but meere mockery. Whereof to omit other testimonies, we haue a notable president in the Franciscans of Orleans, after that horrible and execrable imposture of theirs, which was since notoriously known to al the world.

4 But leauing this discourse, let vs returne to the whoredomes of these bon companions: and to the end it may appeare that they thought scorne to be inferior to their Prelates in that occupation, let vs heare an incest in the highest degree, cōmitted by a Priest, as it is authentically recorded in the late Queene of Nauarres narrations, yet more briefly then it is there set downe. In a village neare Coignac, called Cherues, a maid (that is, one that was a maid by her owne assertion and in common opinion) sister to the Curate of the parish, was found to be with child. And because she led a very holy life (in outward appearance) she made the common people easily beleeue that she was great with child by the holy Ghost, and that she was another virgin Mary. This rumor blazed abroad, came to the eares of Charles Earle of Angoulesme (father to King Francis the first) who sent certaine of his seruants thither to make diligent inquiry thereof, because he doubted all went not well, but that there was some false packing amongst them. In whose presence the wench (being about 13. yeares of age) hauing bin before adiured by the Curate (her brother) vpon her saluation to reueale the truth, and then the second time sworne, answered, I take the body of our Lord here present vpon my saluation, before you my masters, and you my brother, that neuer man touched me more then you. And hauing so said, she receiued the consecrated host. They hearing her take this solemne oath, returned back againe and informed the Earle how the case stood: who hearing their report, thought vpon that which they neuer dreamed of, viz. that it was not without cause that she vsed that forme and manner of oath, that neuer man touched her more then her brother, and tooke it for certaine that it would be found that her brother had gotten her with child. Whereupon he sent them back again, commaunding them to imprison the Curate: which they had no sooner done, but he confessed the fact. So that both of them were burned certaine dayes after [Page] she was deliuered. VVe reade also of one Thomas Abbot of Abingdon, who (not contented to keepe three paramours) had two children by his owne sister.

5 But to ease my self of further labor, in collecting out of sundry authors that which might serue my purpose: I will for this present content my self with a short treatise in French (wherein this story is set downe) taken out of an English booke, containing an inuentory (or catalogue) of the villanies discouered in the visitatiō of Monasteries, Couents, Collegiate Churches, and other religious houses in England, by the cōmandement of king Henry the eight: where (to let passe their other knaueries) the whoredoms, adulteries, incests and sodomies of Priests and Monks of those houses are set forth, with their names and sirnames, as it here followeth. In the Monastery of Belle or Battel in the Dioces of Chichester, these Sodomites were found at the first visitation, Iohn Abbot, Richard Salchurst, Thomas Cuthbert, William March, Iohn Hasting, Gregory Champion, Clement Westfield, Iohn Crosse, Thomas Crambrooke, Thomas Bayll, Iohn Hamfield, Iohn Iherom, Clement Grigge, Richard Touey, and Iohn Austine. Other Sodomites in the Church of Canterbury among the Monkes of Saint Benet are these, Richard Godmershan, William Litchfield, Christopher Iames, Iohn Goldingston, Nicholas Clement, William Cawston, Iohn Ambrose, Thomas Farleg, and Thomas Morton. Other Sodomites in the Cathedrall Church of Chichester, Iohn Champion and Roger Barham. Item, in the Monastery of Saint Augustine, Thomas Barham sodomite. The catalogue of whoremasters and adulterers is too long, and therefore I will speake onely of their stoutest champions, that is, of those who kept many whores: some of which, like towne-buls, not contenting themselues with a round halfe dozen, had nine, others eleuen, (in remembrance of the eleuen thousand virgins) others thirteene, and some twenty. But because I will not depriue them of the honour giuen to their fellowes, these are their names. In the Church of Canterbury among the Monkes of S. Benet, Christopher Iamys played the whoremonger onely with three maried women, William Abbot of Bristow had but foure whores, whereof one was maried. In Windsor Castle Nicholas Whyden priest, had but foure. In the same place George Whitethorne had fiue, Nicholas Spoter fiue, Robert Hunne fiue, Robert Danyson sixe, Richard Priour of Maydenbeadley fiue. In the Monastery of Shulbred in the Diocesse of Chichester, George Walden Priour had seuen, Iohn Standney seuen, Nicholas Duke fiue. In the Monastery of Bathe, Richard Lincombe had seuen, whereof three were maried: he was a Sodomite besides. In the Cathedrall Church of Chichester, Iohn Hill had but thirteene. This is much (may some say:) but what is it to Iohn White Priour of Bermondsey, who had twenty? It is commonly thought that there were aboue 400. Couents of sundry sorts of Monkes and Nunnes in England (besides those that belonged to the begging Friers, which were nigh two hundred.) Now let the Reader calculate, how many bastards there were then in England, I meane Monks bastards begottē of strumpets? And if there had bin a visitation of Religious houses throughout France, Italy and Spaine at the same time, let the Reader iudge what sweet doings would haue bin found. At the same time I say, because their dealing in the darke was not then so plainly discouered and layd open, as it hath bin of late time: and therefore they had farre better meanes to defray such charges, and to bleare the eyes of the world, then euer they had since. Hitherto I haue said nothing of Germany: for albeit it be of greater extent then any of the former, yet it is thought to haue bin more barren of such bastard slips (I meane these Friers brats) and lesse pestered with such vermine. Howbeit we need not doubt but that they also haue followed the game as well as their fellowes. At least this we reade in the [Page] arraignement of the Iacobins of Berne, that they were found feasting and making merry in the Couent among fine dames, not in the habit of Monks, but of gentlemen.

6 Further, there go sundry other reports of Franciscans and Iacobins, who haue bin taken leading their strumpets about with them attired like nouices. And verily it was a politick course of theirs, to permit their displing Friers to leade nouices about in this sort: for vnder that pretext they had alwayes a Ganimede or a whore by their side. Howbeit I perswade my selfe that since a Franciscans nouice was deliuered of a child in a ferry boate, as they crossed ouer the riuer Garumna, (a fact almost as strange as the deliuery of Pope Ioane) they haue bin a litle more wary in obseruing the old rule, Si non castè, tamen cautè, If not chastly, yet charily.

7 Now it is not of late yeares onely (in this age, or in that wherein Menot liued) that these stoned Priests haue manifested by their practises, how the poore people were abused, in beleeuing that there was as great difference between them and Seculars in regard of fleshly concupiscence, as betweene cocks and capons. For in a booke written against the Carmelites, about the yeare 1270. (called The firy dart) this (to omit other particulars) was layd to their charge. The principall cause of all your gadding to and fro, in towne and country, is not to visit the fatherlesse, but damsels; not widowes which are in griefe and anguish of spirit, but yong wanton wenches and Beguines, Nunnes, and naughty packs. He that thus reproued and admonished them, being the generall of their order, who since that time resigned vp his place, and forsooke his cowle also, as some affirme. Guil. de sancto Amore, who liued about the yeare 1256. saith no lesse; The begging Friers (saith he) leade Beguines about the country with them, which way soeuer they go: groūding their practise vpon the place of S. Paul, Haue we not power to leade about a sister, a wife. See here (gentle Reader) what these silly soules said in those dayes. But what would they haue said (may we thinke) if they had heard of such a fry of fornicating Fryers, as hath bin mentioned? Moreouer, to the end they might more finely flout both God and men, they haue made no bones, (that I may adde one thing more touching their Beguines whom they caried about with them) to forge and frame a religion, according to which their Monks and Nuns (after they had made some proofe of their continency) lay wallowing together like swine in the filth of their fornication: in the meane time bearing the world in hand, that though they companied together in this sort, yet that they were no more tempted with carnall concupiscence then two logs of wood lying one by the other.

8 And thus much of the pranks playd by these Frier-dockers. Now in winding vp of this Chapter I will resolue this one question, Why Monks and Fryers are called Beaux-peres, Ghostly fathers. One considering their doings in the darke, and insisting vpon the word peres, that is, fathers, made these verses in imitation of a Latin Distich:

Or ça Iacobins, Cordeliers,

Augustins, Carmes, bordeliers,

D'où vient qu'on vous nomme Beaux-peres?

C'est qu'à l'ombre du Crucifix,

Souuent faisons filles ou filz,

En accointant des belles meres.

That is,

Ye Iacobins, Carmelites, Cordeliers,

Augustines, and all ye fornicating Friers,

[Page]How came ye by the ghostly fathers names?

For vnder the Crucifixe and high Aulters,

We wont to get vs sonnes and daughters,

In kind acquaintance with our ghostly dames.

But to leaue ieasting (for the author of this Hexastich was merrily disposed, albeit he slaundered them (as we know) but with a matter of truth:) I am of opinion that Beaux-peres is all one as if a man should say Beaux-vieillards, Faire old men; which I do the rather thinke, because [...] or [...] (a word of the vulgar Greek) seemeth to be corrupted of [...], that is faire, and [...], that is an old man, which Epithete argues that they haue alwayes liued at their ease. For we call him a faire old man, who maugre his gray beard, is yet fresh and flourishing, the faire lineaments of whose face are not wrinkled with labour & care. And verily Monks, especially mendicants (those at Venice aboue the rest) are the fairest old men in all Italy: though there they be onely called peres, fathers, and not Beaux-peres. And it would (no doubt) be as goodly a sight to see Monks in France, if they would let their beards grow as Italians do. Howbeit that which hath bin spoken, is not that any man should enuy them.

CHAP. XXII. Of the gluttony and drunkennesse of the Popish Cleargie.

IT is an old saying, Apres la panse, vient la danse, that is, After feasting followes dancing: and therfore it had bin more conuenient (as it may seeme) first to haue spoken of gourmandizing and drunkennesse (as ringleaders to all wantonnes) according to my former discourse grounded vpon sundry ancient prouerbs. Howbeit I haue first spoken of lechery, relying vpon the authority of Iuuenal, who saith that whoredome is of all other vices the most ancient, though it be spoken more merrily then truly. First then to speake of the qualitie of meates before the quantitie, (that is, of lickorishnesse before gluttony) we need to go no further then to Theologicall wine and chapter bread. For when we would expresse in one word, the choisest wine were euen for a King, we must haue recourse to Theologicall wine. Likewise if the question be touching the finest and daintiest bread, like vnto that which was in the citie of Eresus, for which Mercury thought his paines well bestowed to come downe from heauen to make prouision for the gods (if we may beleeue the Poet Archestratus;) when all is done we must come to Chapter bread, I meane the right chapter bread, whence that which bakers sell at Par [...]s hath borrowed the name but not the goodnesse, saue in some small measure. Wel then, this is a good beginning; for the feast cannot be bad where there is good bread and good wine. Concerning meates, certen it is, that when we say, Such a one fares like a Commissioner for flesh and fish, we ought rather to say, He fares like a Churchman. For, for whom are great Pikes bought at six French crownes a peece, but for the daintie mouth of our holy mother the Church? For whom (thinke we) did rippiers first trot vp and downe the country, but for our holy mother? Howbeit, they do not (I must needs confesse) eate fish and flesh both at one meale, (for Phisitions counsell them the contrary) but they commonly sit so long at meate, till they be so crammed with flesh, that they are ready to burst; much like to Dutch-men, who when they keepe [Page] their grand gaudeamus, make conscience to drink a drop of wine, till they be drunk with beere. Neuerthelesse there are many now adayes who keepe their stomackes for fish till Lent. Howsoeuer, it is not without cause that we vsually say Theological wine and Abbots cheare, as we may perceiue by the description not of a dinner or supper, but onely of a breakfast; and that not of an Abbot, but of a Priour, in these verses:

Vn gros Prieur son petit fils baisoit,

Et mignardoit au matin en sa couche:

Tandis rostir sa perdris on faisoit.

Se leue, crache, esme [...]tit, & se mouche.

La perdris vire: au sel de broque en bouche

La deuora: bien sauoit la science.

Puis quand il eut pris sur sa conscience

Broc de vin blanc, du meilleur qu'on eslise,

Mon Dieu (dit il) donne moy patience:

Qu'on a de maux pour seruir saincte Eglise?

That is,

A [...]oggie Priour kist his pretty son,

And early danc't him in his downey bed.

Meanewhile his cooke makes due prouision,

Of a plumpe Partridge for the purpose fed.

He riseth, spits, and sneezeth, blowes his nose:

The smoking Partridge downe his gullet goes,

Hot from the spit.

Then can he lay on his large conscience,

Quarts of best wine that euer grape did make.

O God (says he) but grant me patience,

What toile we taken for the Churches sake?

What shall we say then to the dinners and suppers of those Prelates that haue a dozen crosier sta [...]es and as many myters attending on them, if a paltry Priour haue a Partridge to his breakfast? But marke how pitifully he complaineth of the hard seruice he endureth vnder his holy mother the Church? True it is, that another of the same coate made the like complaint, because they would needs haue him eate partridges, woodcocks, and feasants without orenges. But you are to know (Sir) that this was a mytered Bishop, whereas the other was but a poore Priour. But to returne to our prouerbs, Theologicall wine and Abbots cheere or prelats fare. Doubtlesse, without them we should neuer haue vnderstood this excellent place in Horace.

Nunc est bibendum, nunc pede libero

Pulsanda tellus: nunc saliaribus

Ornare puluinar deorum

Tempus erat dapibus, sodales.

Nor yet this in the same Poet:

Absumet haeres Caecuba dignior,

Seruata centum clauibus: & mero

Tinget pauimentum superbo

Pontificum potiore coenis.

And that we stand in need of these prouerbes to giue vs the true meaning of these verses, heare what the Glosse saith vpon the latter place word for word, Mero dicit[Page]potiore (id est, meliore) coenis Pontificum, id est, quàm quo Pontifices in coenis suis quae semper sumptuosissim [...] fu [...]rant (vnde nunc Theologicum dicunt vinum) vsi sunt. Thus we see how greatly commentors vpon Poets are beholding to Diuines and Prelates. As for Theologicall wine, I am not ignorant that it is greatly controuerted whether it should be called Vinum Theologale, or vinum Theologalis, per appositionē: for the common report is, that when they haue drunke deepe, they agree no better then cats and dogs. But I will leaue the deciding hereof to the iudiciall Reader: for I am not very certen whether it be true that they go to fists when they are well tipled, or not. Notwithstanding I remember that when the Sorbonists kept their conuenticle on a time with the Bernardines, and that before they had drunke (at leastwise as they protested, and indeed it was very early in the morning) after they had willed me, my Atturney and Proctor to auoid the roome, for that they were to consult what answer to make to a letter which my deceased father had obtained of King Henry (wherein he had enioyned them something which did not please them very wel): we saw them almost ready to go together by the eares, being wearied and hoarse againe with chiding and chafing. Which fact of theirs I durst not haue bin so bold as to haue related▪ had I not had two sufficient witnesses thereof, much more offended therewith then my selfe, who before their comming had som [...] inckling of their ciuilitie. And verily if they had plucked one another by the beard, it should not haue bin the first time; for they had done no more then the Bishop of Caua & the Bishop of Greguetto did once in a Councel. Moreouer, these two prouerbs call another to mind, viz. the face of an Abbot, which being an auncient by-word, perswadeth me that Abbots in old time had firy faces. Touching the Cardinall of the bottels (or flagons) he may well thinke that I did him great wrong if I should here forget him▪ howbeit I will not make a custome of it, because it would make me remember the iniury and disgrace which the Italians commonly offer vs, in calling vs tosse-pots. Now if these iolly Prelates shall say, that when they make good cheare, their table talke is nothing but good and honest; Oliuer Maillard will tel them they lie in their throates, and that they talke of nothing but of whoredome and lechery: for these are his words, Vadatis ad mensam Praelatorum vel Dominorum magnatum, semper loquuntur de luxuria, vel aliquibus detrahunt, & ille qui viliùs loquitun, dicitur melior.

2 But here we are to answer an obiectiō which might haply be made against that which hath bin said: for some may say that it is not vnlike but that Chānons, Priours, Abbots, and other the Popes grosse gorbellies should make good cheare; and that they might well be accounted stark fooles if they did not thus pleasantly passe away the time, seeing that all the trauail they take, and suite which they make for the obtaining of benefices and Ecclesiasticall promotions, is for no other end. As we reade of one who before he was Pope, was the most crouching submisse Cardinall that euer was lodged in an ouen: for his manner was to eate vpon a net, as it were in way of deuout humility; but after he had obtained the Popedome he commaunded them to take away the net, saying, he had caught that which he fished for. But as for such a lurry and rable of poore farthing Friers, who haue neither rent nor reuenue, nor a foote of land to liue vpon, who are therefore called pedlars of relikes, because they liue onely vpon the almes of well disposed persons and granmercies: and those who are called Mendicants, that is, begging Fryers, what probability is there they should haue wherewith to make good cheare? The obiection (me thinks) is easily answered, if we call to mind the common saying, There is no life to the beggars when they haue layd all their cantels together. But howsoeuer [Page] the mystery of that secret stād, it is not without cause that we say, he is a frier, as who should say, he is a good fellow and a bon companion, who mindeth nothing but merrily to passe away the time. Neither is it without cause that we say, He is as fat as a Monke, of which I haue already spoken. Howb [...]it, we vse (I confesse) this word AS in our prouerbs, as when we say, As fat as a hog, or As fat as a pig. And that there is indeed some correspondence, analogie or hidden sympathy between swine and Friers, (taking Friers in puris naturalibus) their good S. Anthony hath well declared, who being a swineheard in his life time, would needs at his death take vpon him the charge of a heard of Friers: (though they who runne vp and downe the country, crying, Haue you any thing to bestow vpon my Lord S. Anthonies swine, make him a very swineheard indeed: and as his Legend saith he was in his dayes an Archimandrite or gouernor of Monks:) witnesse the Epigramme ensuing:

Diceris Antoni porcos pauisse subulcus,

Viuus: adhuc Monachos lumine cassus alis.

Par stupor ingenij est, ventris (que) abdomen vtris (que):

Sorde pari gaudent, ingluuie (que) pari.

Nec minùs hoc brutum genus est, mutúmve suillo,

Nec minùs insipidum, nec minus illepidum.

Caetera conueniunt, sed non leuis error in vno est,

Debucrat Monachis glans cibus esse tuis.

Which one hath thus turned,

Once fedst thou, Anthony, an heard of swine,

And now an heard of Monkes thou feedest still;

For wit, and gut, alike both charges bin:

Both louen filth alike: both like to fill

Their greedy paunch alike. Nor was that kind

More beastly, sottish, swinish, then this last.

All else agrees: one fault I onely find,

Thou feedest not thy Monkes with oken mast.

Another Scot also made a Latin Epigram, wherein he makes some doubt whether the swineheard and gardian of Friers be the same S. Anthony or not: but in the end he resolues the case thus:

Credibile est Circen mutasse potentibus herbis,

In Monachos (que) sues, in (que) sues Monachos.

That is,

T'is like that Circe by her spels deuine,

Hath turned swine to Monkes, and Monkes to swine.

But to search no further for moe testimonies, let vs content our selues with one of their owne, comprised in these goodly verses,

Sanctus Dominicus sit nobis semper amicus,

Cui canimus nostro iugiter praeconia rostro,

De cordis venis, siccatis antè lagenis.

Ergo tuas laudes si tu nos pangere gaudes,

Tempore paschali, fac ne potu puteali

Conueniat vti: quod si fit, vndique muti

Semper erunt fratres qui non curant nisi ventres.

See here (gentle Reader) the testimonies which themselues giue of their Sardanaple-like sobrietie. For doubtlesse it cannot be but that these verses were made [Page] either by a Frier speaking in sober sadnesse without hypocrisie, or by one into whose body some Friers soule entred, causing him to speake so Frier like. At leastwise this testimonie agreeth with it excellent well:

O Monachi, vestri stomachi sunt amphora Bacchi:

Vos estis (Deus est testis) teterrima pest [...]s.

3 As for those silly soules the singlesoled priests which professe not so austere and strict a life, being onely Masse-mongers by their occupation, they haue great reason (questionlesse) to drinke of none but of the best. And therfore I hold a certaine Sir Iohn (a gentlemans chaplaine) excused, who [...]siring the Butler to giue him of the best wine, but being serued with the worst, tooke this cast of his office so to heart (thinking it so great a disparagement and so hainous an indignitie) that when he perceiued him on a time at Masse, he grew into such a mad mood that he lost his voice, he gentleman on the other side being in great hast, and desiring only a hunting the Masse (because his horses stood readie for him at the Church gate) fell into a pelting chafe by reason of so long a pause, seeing Sir Iohn protracted that which he desired might haue bin abridged. But in the end he was glad to send his page to aske him what flie had so sodainly stung him. Sir Iohn answered that there was one in the company that was excommunicate, which hindred his proceeding: and hauing told the lacky (sent vnto him the second time to know the party) that it was his butler, he gentleman was easily perswaded to send him away: which done, he went on roundly with the Masse. Whereupon the poore Butler had his absolution, yet vpon condition that he should not faile to giue Sir Iohn of the same wine that his master and mistris dranke of. Now the reasons for which I say they will be sure to drinke of none but of the best, are these. First, because it preuents crudities, which might make them slauer or sniuell whilest they are deepe in their deuotion. Secondly, for that deuotion is more ardent in a hot stomacke then in a cold. Thirdly, because they are about to sing: for this they take from the Poets (called in Greek [...], which properly signifieth chanters or singers) and therein they follow their opinion, which hath bin such in all ages, that a man cannot sing worth a button, except he haue first drunk deepe and that of the best. But some may haply say, that by this meanes they are in danger to be drunk. And what though they drink till they be drunk, so they do it for a good intent? For if it be no hurt to say, hoc est nasum meum, in stead of hoc est corpus meum, so it be done cum intentione consecrandi: And if it be no hurt to cast a child into a well, so it be done cum intentione baptizandi, as some Glosses affirme; what great matter is it if they drink themselues drunke cum intentione missificandi? And therefore they had reason to beare with a poore Curate neare to Fere in Tartenois, who intending pleasantly to sing his Masse, and to sacrifice his breaden god the next morning, had so merrily sacrificed to God Bacchus the euening before, that whereas he should haue baptized a child, he administred extreame vnction. In like manner he is to be excused, who hauing taken his preparatiues ouer euening, when all men cry (as the manner is) The King drinketh; chanting his Masse the next morning, fell asleepe in his memento: and when he awoke, added with a loud voice, The King drinketh. Howbeit the Priest of S. Mary in Paris, who falling asleepe in his memento, had his challice and plattin stolne by one which holpe him to say Mass [...]; and awaking ranne into the street, crying a theefe, a theefe, was laughed at as a fond foole, not without cause: for he should first haue agreed with him, whose helpe he desired in mumbling ouer his Masse. But it is to be noted, that he fell asleepe (as the rest did) through the great deuoire he had to prepare himselfe to sing well.

[Page]4 And sith I haue proceeded thus farre in speaking of the iolly gaudeamus of these Church-men: I will adde one word more in the behalfe of these poore fiue-farthing sacrificing Massemonging priests, not for any great good will I beare them, but for pity and compassion which I take vpon them, viz. that if they knew how to plead their owne cause, they might shew that they haue great wrong done them, in that they are cut so short of their allowance, and haue such small pittances, in comparison of Priours, Abbots, and the rest of that rabble. For if the sacrifice which they dayly offer, be like vnto that which the Priests (called Salij) instituted by Numa Pompilius celebrated, (as the author of the booke intituled A briefe collection of sacred signes, sacrifices and sacraments, both learnedly & soundly proueth) what reason is there that they who performe the office of the Salij, should not haue Saliares dapes, but should leaue them to those which performe the dutie but once in the yeare? But I will leaue them to pleade their owne cause.

CHAP. XXIII. Of thefts and robber is committed by the Popish Cleargie.

IF I should diue deepe into this argument▪ I should but plunge my selfe into a bottomlesse gulfe. For if it haue bin an old and auncient saying, The Church spoileth both quicke and dead: and if the deuices of pilling and polling haue euer since increased, what store (may we thinke) must there needs be at this day? Now concerning great and notorious theeues, who are so farre from hiding their heads, that they glory and take a pride in robbing and spoiling, and exposing their robberies to the view of the world, my purpose is not to intreat at this present, but onely of Priests and Monks, who being as poore as Irus, notwithstanding fare like Lucullus. For if the Aegyptians and Solon also since their time (as Herodotus telleth vs) hauing enacted a law, that euery man should shew what trade he followed, and what meanes he had to liue, should alleadge no other reason but this, that he which spent freely, hauing neither rents nor reuenues, nor any meanes to earne a penny, nor any to maintaine him, must of necessity be a theefe; what would our Mendicants (trow we) say, if they should be thus examined? For if they haue not a foote of land, as they professe they haue not, (for otherwise they should do ill to beg) and if they know not how to get their liuing; whereon then do they liue? nay, not onely liue, but fare so like Epicures? If they shall answer, that they liue vpon the almes of well disposed people; that is cleane cōtrary to the cōplaint which they cōmonly make, that mens charity towards them is not only cooled, but euen as cold as ice. If they shall say, that they liue vpon borrowing, who wil beleeue them? For all men know, that to lend to those who haue nothing to pay, is all one with giuing, according to the common saying, Where there is nothing to be had, the King loseth his right. Herein therfore I appeale to their owne consciences, what meanes they haue had now of late time (since they began to complaine of the want of charitie) to make their kitchins hot. But because I should stay too long, if I should heare their confession in that particular, I will vndertake the matter, and answer for them my self, or rather rehearse some of their subtill deuices, which shall serue in stead of an answer. Who knoweth not then, that they haue holden the world in such seruitude, [Page] as that they haue violently taken not onely from the rich, but also from the poore, either all or the greatest part of that which their children should haue inherited? Or who can be ignorant that the reason of the tragedy acted by the spirit of Orleans, was, for that these rauens saw they had lost the prey which they thought they had seazed vpon? And doubtlesse it was a grea [...] good hap the matter should be so well handled, that it could be got out of their clouches. For when they came to shriue silly soules that lay at the point of death, their manner was to put them in no other hope of being saued, but by making S. Francis, S. Dominick, or some other Saint (patron of the Order that the Confessor was of) their heires. Nay, they were so cunning in bewitching the consciences of those whom they had vnder benedicite, that they did not onely make them giue the moitie or two thirds of their goods, which their wiues and children should haue enioyed; but (in case their children would not become Friers of the order of S. Francis, S. Dominick, or some such sweet Saint) these iolly Saints knew what they would haue. So that if children after the decease of their parents, refused to become Monkes, those holy Saints would take vpon them to be their heires, defeating them of all. Witnesse mens wils and testaments which are to be seene at this day. But this is a far fouler matter, in that they made such hast many times, that they wold not tarry for them whom they held thus insnared, vntil they were neare their end, but by subtil meanes made them vndresse themselues before they went to bed.

2 For what greater or more cruell theft and robbery, nay what more cruell rapine and rauening can be imagined, then that which they call the Croysado? Did euer theeues, which set their daggers to the throates of passengers to make them deliuer their purses, vse such robbery as the supposts of the Croysado? For doubtlesse poore men who haue neuer a crosse in the world to blesse themselues withall, are in no danger of theeues, according to that of the Poet, Cantabit vacuus coram latrone viator: whereas a poore man, who is made to beleeue that if he giue such or such a summe of mony, himselfe, his father, mother and children shall be saued; and in case he giue nothing, all shall be damned, is in farre worse case then if he fel among theeues? For if he haue no mony to giue, rather then faile he will pawne himselfe to the Sarracens. And most certaine it is, that many poore people haue not onely pawned, but euen sold their soules outright to the diuell, in getting mony by vnlawfull meanes, whereas they were in good hope by this meanes to deliuer themselues out of his pawes. And as true likewise is it, that they haue long since proclaimed to the world, that they had power and authoritie to sell euen heauen it selfe: (witnesse the Latin verses in S. Steuens Church in Bourges, written vpon a pillar in tables of stone, beginning thus, Hîc des deuotè: coelestibus associo te.) Howbeit they inforced none to giue mony for it, as they did in the time of the Croysado. For confirmation and authorizing whereof, these pelting Preachers alleadged many tickling texts to this purpose, not taken out of the Bible, but out of certaine hypocriticall Friers: interlacing therewith such fond fooleries, that it is almost impossible posterity shold beleeue thē. One amongst the rest is reported of a ghostly father, who preaching at Burdeaux, auouched that when any mony was giuen for the dead, their soules in purgatory hearing the sound of the mony falling into the bason or box, crying, ting, ting, began to laugh out heartily, and say, ha, ha, ha; hi, hi, hi.

3 Besides, they haue many subtill conueyances equipollent to robberies, yea some worse then robberies: albeit they cease not to commit other qualified thefts. For instance wherof, one at Casal (about ten yeares ago) finding a purse with three [Page] hundred French crowns in it, reuealed it in his confession to a Frier; who told him that in conscience he ought not to keepe it, but giue it to a third person, till such time as the owner should enquire after it. But the false Frier handled the matter so cunningly, that in the end himselfe was the third man. Not long after came the owner of the purse, repairing to him that found it; who sent him to the Frier who had the keeping of it. But he who had before desired onely to be the keeper, would now needs be the owner, and so was, (for all that the deceased Monsieur Brissac could do, being then the Kings Lieutenant of Piemont) seeing there was none to depose or witnesse against him, but he that gaue it him. And what should we call that tricke of conueyance which a Frier-docker (one of those which asked if they had any thing to giue to Saint Anthonies pigs▪) played with a butchers wife of Calabria, when for two acornes which he gaue to two of her swine, he caried away a whole peece of linnen cloth? But I will reserue this narration to another place, where I intend to speake of counterfeit miracles; contenting my selfe for this present with one other theft, yet such a one as cannot easily be sampled: so that if we were to compare Ecclesiasticall theeues (if I may so speake) with secular, the Ecclesiasticall for this alone would beare away the bell. For though in old time there was great talke of such as went to robbe dead mens tombes (called in Greeke [...], as a man would say, tombe-diggers,) yet of late time they (at leastwise the seculars) haue bin content to rob the liuing onely. But the Monkes of the Abbey of Bourgmoyen at Bloys haue giuen euident proofe, that they would not yeeld an inch to their auncestors herein, when they digged vp a womans corps interred in their church, to rob the coffin of the lead wherein it was wrapped. Lo here how these false Friers verifie the common saying, The Church taketh both of quicke and dead, not onely in the hid and mysticall, but in the literall sense also.

4 As for great Ecclesiasticall theeues, that is a case by it selfe, which toucheth their head principally, in such sort, that any scabby Monke or fiuefarthing Frier reproued by him for such a legerdemaine, may answer him as the pirate answered Alexander the great: for the theft which their holy father (as they call him) committeth vnder the colour of Constantines donation, as fare exceedeth the petty larrecine and pilfering practised by his imps, as Alexanders robberies the pirats or Sea-rouers. And therfore there is no reason why such as are chiefe in place next to this Arch-theefe, should busie themselues about pety thefts not beseeming their greatnesse. And hereof (doubtlesse) they haue great consideration (as experience sheweth): for the least which they commit, is the spoiling of Churches of their relikes; I meane not dead mens bones, but gold and siluer. For there was a pamphlet lately published (intituled Harengua) wherein is declared how certaine Iacobins summoned a great Cardinall to restore vnto them their crowne of gold.

5 But in speaking before of the Croysado, I forgot a Franciscan of Millaine, called Sampson, who by that meanes had scraped together an hundred and twenty thousand duckats, which he offered for the Popedome.

CHAP. XXIIII. Of man-slaughters and murthers committed by the Popish Cleargie.

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I Will begin this Chapter with the story which I promised to relate when I spake of the Franciscan, whose inordinate lust cost three persons their liues, one man and two women. For then I promised to relate a farre more horrible fact committed by a Frier of the same order, who to compasse his mischieuous purpose (which was to haue his pleasure of a gentlewoman of the house) committed foure murthers with his owne hands. The story is this: In the raigne of the Emperour Maximilian the first, there was within his dominions in Flanders a very famous Couent of Franciscans, neare to which dwelt a gentleman who exceedingly affected the Monks of the Couent, and was very beneficiall vnto them, hoping by that meanes to be made partaker of their good works, fasts, and prayers. Among the rest there was a tall proper Franciscan, whom the gentleman had made choise of to be his Confessor, and had giuen him full power and authoritie ouer all his houshold: whose mind was so inflamed with the beames of his wiues beauty, that he was almost beside himselfe. And purposing on a time to come to the period of his intended purpose, he went all alone to the gentlemans house, and finding him not at home, asked the gentlewoman whither he was gone? She answered, that he was gone to see certaine lands of his, and meant to stay abroad two or three dayes; adding withall, that if he had any businesse with him, she would dispatch a messenger after him. He answered that it should not need, and began to walke vp and downe the house as one that had some waighty matter in hand: which the gentlewoman noted, and perceiuing by his countenance that he was mal content, she sent one of her maids vnto him to know if he wanted any thing. The ghostly father (who was walking vp and downe the court) answered that he did, and thereupon leading her into a corner, took a dagger out of his sleeue & thrust it into her throate. In the meane time one of the gentlemans tenants came on horsebacke into the court, bringing with him the rent of his farme: and he was no sooner lighted, but he saluted the Franciscan; who embracing him in his armes, stabbed him behind with his dagger, as he had done the maid, and hauing so done locked vp the castle gate. The gentlewoman wondering that her maid staied so long sent another to know the reason why she made no greater hast: who was no sooner gone downe into the court, but the Frier tooke her aside into an odde corner, and serued her as he had done the former. Then perceiuing that there was none left in the house but the gentlewoman and himselfe▪ he went vnto her and told her that he had bin long in loue with her▪ and that the time was come that she must needs yeeld vnto him. She (who neuer mistrusted any such thing) answered in this sort▪ Father, I perswade my selfe, that if I were so leudly disposed▪ you would throw the first stone at me▪ To whom the Frier replied▪ Come downe into the court, and you shall see what I haue done. Now when she saw her maids and her tenant lying slaine before her eyes, she was so aghast, and striken with such astonishment, as if Perseus with his Gorgons head had transformed her into a stone, and was not able [Page] to speake a word. But forthwith this wicked wretch (who meant to haue his pleasure of her more then once, and therefore would not force her) said, Mistris be not afraid, for you are in his hands who of all men in the world loueth you best. At which words he put off his long habit, vnder which he had a shorter, which he offered her, and withall told her that if she refused it, he would send her packing to Pluto with those whom she saw lying before her eyes. The gentlewoman more like a dead then a liuing creature, determined to make as though she would obey him, both hoping to saue her life, and to protract the time, in hope her husband would come home: and so at the Friers command she vndressed her head, making as litle hast as she could. But in the end hauing her haire hanging loose about her eares, the Frier (not respecting how goodly and faire it was) hastily cut it off, and hauing so done, caused her to strip her selfe vnto her smocke, and arrayed her with the short habit which he had about him, and after put on his other againe; and so departed thence with all speed possible, carying with him his yong nouice whom he had so long desired. But by Gods prouidence the gentleman her husband hauing dispatched his businesse sooner then he thought, returned homewards the same way the Franciscan went with his wife. Now when the Frier perceiued him a far off, he said to the gentlewoman, See, yonder comes your husband, and I know that if you looke vpon him he will rescue you out of my hands; wherefore go on before me, and see that you turne not your face towards him; for if you giue him but the least signe, I will cut your throate before euer he can helpe you. At these words the gentleman drew neare, and asked him from whence he came? Sir (quoth he) from your house, where I left my mistris your wife in good health, expecting your coming. The gentleman went on, not perceiuing his wife. Howbeit his man (who was wont to entertain the Friers fellow called Frier Iohn) began to call to her, thinking it had bin Frier Iohn. The poore gentlewoman (who durst not once turne her head aside towards her husband) answered not a word: wherupon he crossed the way to looke her in the face; where she speaking not a word, gaue him a twinch with a weeping eye. He then returning backe to his master, said, Sir, as I crossed the way I marked the Friers fellow, who (questionlesse) is not Frier Iohn, but much resembles my mistris your wife, who looked very rufully vpon me. Tush (quoth the gentleman) thou talkest like a foole: and made no more of it. But his seruant persisting in his opinion, intreated him to giue him leaue to go after them, and to stay a litle to see whether he mistooke himselfe or not. At his importunate intreaty the gentleman stayd, to see what tidings he would bring. Now when the Franciscan heard the man behind him calling for Frier Iohn (doubting that the gentlewoman was discried) he came running vpon him, and with a long pike staffe which he caried, tooke him such a blow vnder the short ribbes, that he strooke him off his horse to the ground, and presently falling vpon him, cut his throate. The gentleman seeing his man a farre off falling downe, thinking that he had fallen by some mischance, went backe to helpe him vp: whom the Frier had no sooner espied, but he strucke him with his pike staffe, as he had done his man, and bearing him downe, fel vpon him. But the gentleman (being lusty and strong) clasped his armes so fast about him, that he could neither stab nor hurt him, causing withall his dagger to fall out of his hand: which his wife forthwith tooke vp, and gaue to her husband, holding him downe by the cowle with all her might, whilest her husband stabbed him in diuers places, vntill he cried him mercy, and confessed all his villany. The gentleman being loth to kill him, sent his wife home to call some of his men, who came running thither in all hast, and taking vp the [Page] Franciscan, brought him to the gentlemans house, from whence he was caried to the Emperours Deputie in Flanders, to whom he confessed this his notorious and felonious fact. Where it was also found partly by his owne confession, partly by proofe and information giuen to the commissioners appointed for that purpose, that a number of gentlewomen and other beautiful maids had bin conueyed into that monastery, after the same manner that this Franciscan would haue caried her away. Whereupon after that the women (detained by them in the monastery) were had out, both they and the Couent were burned together for a monument and example to all posteritie.

2 After this foule fact committed by this Monke, let vs heare how a Priest of Limoges (about eleuen yeares ago) committed sundry murthers one in the neck of another. A gentleman of Lymosin, Lord of S. Iohn of Ligoures (kinsman to the Marshall S. Andrew) hauing committed incest with his wiues mother, and hauing had children by her, declared it to a shaueling in way of confession. Whereupon the Priest (who was a false coiner) tooke occasion to perswade him (as hauing him in his lurch and at his lure, by this his confession) to play the knaue as he had done, and to become a false coyner with him. Now after they had followed this occupation for a time, the Priest perceiuing that the gentleman was still troubled in conscience with his incest (notwithstanding he had sundry times absolued him) and that hee affected his wiues mother more then his wife, perswaded him, that the mother was rather his wife then the daughter, and therefore that his mariage, his children and all were accursed. Whereupon he vndertooke to dispatch them out of the way, whilest the gentleman was absent, yet not without his consent. For comming one night (as his manner was) into the Castle (with certaine cruel cut-throates which he had brought with him) he went directly to the chamber where the gentlewomen lay, and murthered them all in their beds; as also two yong children, one of which called him by his name, and held vp his hands vnto him, as the Priest executed since in France, and the gentleman at Lauzanne, confessed at their deaths. Neither herewith content, with his crue of cut-throate companions he massacred the rest that remained in the house, and laying all the dead bodies together in a chamber, set the Castle on fire, thinking by that meanes to couer the murther. But (as God would) neither the bodies nor the chamber wherein they were, tooke fire, and so the murther was detected. Whereupon the gentleman knowing not well what course to take, nor which way to turne himselfe, fled into Sauoye, where passing by Geneua he was discried, and from thence pursued and apprehended at Lauzanne, where he was executed according to law, acknowledging his offence and Gods great mercy towards him, in bringing him by this chastisement home to himselfe. This is the history, as I heard it credibly reported by those that saw him arraigned and executed: which albeit I haue of purpose abridged (as I haue done also the rest) yet I could not omit one circumstance, how that euen then when the child called him by his name, and held vp his hands vnto him (as children are wont to do, smiling on those they looke vpon) he did most cruelly murther him. And it was not without cause that God would haue this circumstance freely confessed both by the Priest and the gentleman, which otherwise would neuer haue bin suspected. For doubtlesse it doth much aggrauate, and as it were double and treble his offence, especially if we compare it with the fact of heathen men, as of those ten whom Herodotus mentioneth in his fift booke, who being sent to murther a new borne babe, were so moued with pity [Page] when the child smiled vpon them, that their hearts relented, and (as it were) melted within them. Howbeit, there are so many circumstāces to be considered in this abhomninable fact, that it is hard to say where a man should especially insist.

3 But because the naming of Lauzanne (where this execution was done) puts me in mind of Geneua adioyning, where another murthering Priest was executed, I will here relate that story. A certaine Priest in Foussigny called Dom Iohn (vnder the dominion of Thiez then gouernour of Geneua) hauing boared out his brothers eyes with an awle as he was asleep, and obtained his pardon of the then Bishop of Geneua: not long after he committed him to a gossip of his, to the end he might drowne him, by casting him downe from a bridge into the water, vnder colour of bringing him to Chambery to S. Suayre, a Saint then in great request. VVhich thing the assassin knowing not how to effect, whilest he was in his iourney (seeing he had not the heart to commit such a cruell fact,) not long after vnder colour as though he would bring him to S. Claude, he caried him in the night into a barne, where he with one of his companions murthered him: and hauing so done, cast him into a swift streame, where he was found by a woman which sought after a strayed calfe. VVhereupon the Priest was apprehended in his bed with his whore, and brought to Geneua, where his hand was first cut off, and after that his head; hauing before confessed the fact, and giuen no other reason of the hatred which he bore him, but onely because he was a great spender. It is further reported, that this kinde Kit hauing pricked his brothers eyes with a nawle, and perceiuing that he was not stone blinde, but that he could see a little; boared them the second time with a woodden pinne. This punishment was inflicted vpon this malefactor shortly after the reformation of religion in the sayd citie.

4 But among other murthering Priests, I may not omit one, of whom mention is made in the French Chronicles, who scaped not so scot-free as the former. In the yeare 1530. the nineteenth of Aprill, a certaine Sir Iohn comming to Autuns Colledge in Paris, right ouer against Saint Andrew des Ars, to visite the Parson of the place where he was Curate, killed his man in the night, and after cut the Parsons throate. For which murther he was degraded in the Court of our Ladies Church, the same yeare, the fourth of May: and being apparelled in a fools coate, was sent to a worshipfull gentleman, one Master Iohn Morin (then Iudge of criminall causes) by whom he was sentenced to haue his hand cut off, and it together with the faulcheon wherewith he had committed the murther, to be nailed to a post before the said Colledge, and after to be burned quick before the towne house. This sentence being giuen in open Court, was put in execution the fift day of the said moneth.

5 But giue me leaue to speake a word or two more concerning Paris: for there (no doubt) we shall find sundry other examples of murthers committed by Clergy-men, and namely by Priests. But for this present I wil insist in one onely, which was discouered and punished by order of law, as followeth. In an Inne at Soyssons called The great head, the good man of the house his daughter played a slippery tricke with one, and was deliuered of a daughter. Her father, who could neuer abide the child, because it put him in mind of his daughters shamefull fact, sent her to Paris to a Sempster to learne to sow. And coming afterwards to Paris himselfe, he fell in acquaintance with a priest called M. Hector, a bakers son, borne at Noyon; [Page] to whom he declared that he had a daughter about seuen or eight yeares of age, whom he would gladly haue bestowed in a monastery or some other place, he cared not where, nor how, so that he might neuer heare of her againe; telling him, that for the effecting hereof he could be content to giue an hundred crowns. The Priest being greedy of gaine, vndertooke the matter, and causing the girle to be brought vnto him, together with the mony which they were agreed vpon, he tooke his leaue of him, and caried her home to his house. Whither he was no sooner come, but he cut her throate▪ and hauing so done, caried the corps into the churchyard of S. Nicholas in the fields, where hauing cast it among certaine nettles, he walked vp & downe as though he had bin praying on his Portuise. Shortly after came a Sexten, and as he was digging a graue, the Priest came vnto him, and told him that he had seene a pitiful spectacle, to wit, a yong maid hauing her throte cut, and cast among the nettles; and desired him for auoiding of offence, to bury her, promising to giue him a teston for his paines. The Sexten refused his offer, and further told him, that he would informe the Court thereof: which he did; (the Priest in the meane time flying to Noyon.) The Court hauing intelligence hereof, caused the corps to be caried to a place called Chastelet, there to be exposed to the open view: whither (as God wold) the Sempster (her old mistris) came to see her: who knowing her wel, declared to the Court how an Inne-keeper of Soyssons (her grandfather) had committed her to the custody of one M. Hector a Priest. The Sexten also informed the Court of the conference which had passed betweene M. Hector and him. The Court taking notice of these informations, sent his brother in law to prison, hoping by that meanes to learne what was become of him, (seeing he resorted oftē to his house.) Now during the time of his imprisonment, (they dayly pressing him with interrogatories, to the end they might learne what was become of his brother, albeit he knew nothing) it fortuned that the Priest came to S. Denis neare to Paris; from whence he sent a messenger to his brother in law (neuer dreaming of his imprisonment) to request him to come to him, and to informe him what rumour went of him. Where the messenger coming to the prisoners wife (the Priests sister) was presently apprehended and brought before the Court; and hauing told them where M. Hector was, they sent a warrant for his apprehension. Where, after he had confessed the fact, he was condemned by the Court of Chastelet to be degraded, to haue his hand cut off, to be broken vpon the wheele, and after to be burned. But he appealed to the high Court of Parliament at Paris, which mitigating the sentence, condemned him onely to be degraded, to haue his hand cut off, to be hanged, and after to be burned. This tragicall euent happened about fourteene yeares ago. But I may not forget a ieast of his: for hauing his hand cut off, and meeting with one of his acquaintance, as he was going to the place of execution, he said, Auise vn peu, Herry men ami, ie ne saurai peu canter Messe; on m'a coupé vne main: That is, See here friend Harry, I can say Masse no more; they haue cut off my hand. The man to whom I am beholding for this story, dwelt in the same towne with this malefactor, and told me that he heard him sing his first Masse, with all the ceremonies and solemnities thereto belonging.

6 There was also a Priest at Orleans (about 37. yeares ago) who being iealous of a whore which he kept, brought her into a tauerne, where leading her aside as though he would haue dallied with her, he cast her on a bed, and with a razor (which he had in his sleeue) cut her throate. For which murther he was only condemned to perpetuall prison, as it was told me by a famous lawyer, who was then a student in the same citie.

[Page]7 As for cruelties (though no murther be voyd of crueltie) where can we heare of a greater then that which is commonly practised by Monkes, (as themselues confesse) I meane their vsuall maner of pulling men ouer the pearch in pace? True it is indeed, they vtterly renounce and disclaime this word crueltie: for they will not grant that it is crueltie to send men into another world in pace. But if they deny it to be crueltie to murther a man in pace, they must needs deny that to die of hunger and thirst is a cruell death: which is [...] p [...]gnant to common sence. But leauing this dispute, let vs come to other notorious cruelties, and among the rest to a kind of torment which lay-men among Christians wold neuer haue inflicted vpon Pagans or infidels, but would haue left it for Barbarians, as being too barbarous to be practised by them. It is that which Plutarch (in the life of Artaxerxes) calleth Scapheusis: to which this is not vnlike which I am about to relate. The last Duke of Lymbourgh being dead without issue, the Princes who were next heires (as being nearest of bloud) viz. the Duke of Brabant and the Earle of Guelderland waged warre one against another, for the Dukedome. In the end the Duke of Brabant got the victory: where the Bishop of Collen (who had aided the Earle of Guelderland) was taken prisoner, and committed to the custody of the Earle of Mount in Haynoult, where he continued for the space of seuen yeares, till he had agreed to all such articles as were demaunded of him. Being set at liberty at the last, he besought the Earle of Mount to beare him company to Tuits (a towne standing vpon Rheyne right ouer against Collen) whereunto the Earle easily condescended. Now as they were going ouer a bridge which stood vpon the riuer, an ambush of horsemen (which by the Bishops appointment lay hard by) rushed out suddenly vpon the Earle mistrusting no such matter: and thus he seized vpon him, and kept him in perpetuall prison: and to the end he might giue him more kind entertainment, caused an iron cage to be made, which in sommer was annointed ouer with hony and set in the open Sunne, lodging the poore Earle therein, there to be assaulted by flies (you may well imagine how.) Consider here (gentle Reader) this Bishops crueltie (ioyned with treason) coming not much short of the immanity of Busiris and Phalaris. For doubtlesse of all other cruelties those are the greatest, which cause men to languish and pine away for a long time in great anguish.

8 Moreouer, we reade of two Channons of Collen, who vsed the like trechery: for hauing inuited a bailiffe of the towne to dinner, called Herman Grin, and making great shew of loue and kindnesse (albeit they hated him to the death) they led him out to see a Lion, (which they kept in honor of their Bishop) whom they knew to be hunger-bit: and he was no sooner come into the place, but they shut the doore vpon him. The man seeing himselfe in this danger, plucked vp a good heart, and winding his cloake about his left arme, thrust it into the Lions mouth as he came rushing vpon him, and with his right hand thrust his rapier into his belly, and slue him.

9 But to returne to Prelates: we reade how one Henry Archbishop of Collen most cruelly tormented Earle Fredericke: for hauing broken his armes, legs, thighs, back and neck vpon the wheele, he caused him to finish the rest of his life in lingring paine, exposing him to the crowes.

10 But if any desire to heare of a cruelty not proceeding from reuenge, but committed in a merriment against such as neuer gaue the least offence: this it is. In the raigne of the Emperour Otho the great, Hatto Bishop of Ments, tooke such pitie vpon the poore in the time of a great dearth, that he got a multitude of them together into a barne, and burned them all therein; saying that they differed nothing [Page] from rats which deuoured corne, and were good for nothing. But obserue the fearfull, terrible, and horrible iudgement of God which befell him whilest he was yet liuing: for he sent great troupes of rats, which after they had grieuously tormented him, ate him vp quicke. And it litle auailed him to go vp to the top of his high tower to saue himselfe: for the rats hunting him from place to place, pursued him thither also; whereupon it is called The rats tower vnto this day. And yet notwithstanding this fearfull example, Heribert Archbishop of Collen, had a brother who vsed the poore after the same manner, in the time of a dearth.

11 But what shall we say of a Iacobine who poisoned the Emperour Henry the seuenth with his breaden God, which he gaue him in the consecrated host? What will the Friers Diuell do (trow we) if their God be so dangerous to deale with? Vpon which argument I writ this sporting A staffe of eight verses. huictain.

Les Payens ne vouloyent mettre au nombre des Dieux

Ceux qui au genre humain estoyent pernicieux.

Si le Dieu de paste est vn Dieu qui empoisonne,

(Dont l'Empereur Henri tesmoignage nous donne)

Que diroyent les Payens de ces gentils Docteurs,

Qui les hommes ont fait de lui adorateurs?

Car si leur Dieu ne fait de meurtrir conscience,

Entre leur Diable & Dieu quelle est la difference?

That is,

Neuer did Pagans mong'st their Gods recite,

Who euer mortall wight had ill bestead:

If then the God of bread can poison hide,

As hath bene tride by Henry to his bane:

What would our Pagans faine, that knew of yore

How they do it adore with bended knee?

For if their God be free to worke such euill,

What difference is betwixt their God and Deuill?

If any shall haply obiect, that these sauage cruelties were not committed in these dayes, but long before. I answer, that seeing the world hath euer growne worse and worse, and the Cleargy rather then the Laity (as the three Preachers so often before alleadged do sufficiently testifie) those cruelties may wel be accounted but small and tollerable in comparison. But if any be incredulous or hard of beleefe, he may reade what Cannibal-like cruelties certaine Monks and Popish prelates haue exercised of late against such as wold not embrace the Romane religion, and how they handled them when once they came within their walke. As among the rest, the history of Iohn de Roma a Iacobine Frier, one of the holy house of Spaine, a persecutor of the poore Christians of Merindol and Cabriere, who neuer left beating his braines, how he might inuent new torments to inflict vpon these poore people and their confederates: one of which was to fill bootes with boyling grease, and to pull them on the legs of those whom he was to examine, that the extremitie of paine might so distract them, as that they might make no pertinent answer to any demaund. And we are not to wonder how they could play the bloudy butchers, and exercise their tyranny vpon these silly soules, seeing they vsurped almost a soueraigne power and princely authority ouer them. Not to go farre back, nor farre off for examples, we reade how the said Frier vnder colour of his commission (as being one of the Inquisition) was both accuser, party, and Iudge; & how he caried with him through Prouence a number of vile varlets well appointed; in all places [Page] where euer he came (especially in country townes) breaking open chests and trunks, and stealing thence gold and siluer, and what else might easily be packed vp, and caried away; pilling & polling those whom he could not otherwise spoile, either by impositions or amercements, or confiscations of their goods.

12 I was here purposed to haue ended this Chapter, but that I remember I haue not spoken of those that imbrue their hands in their owne bloud, and sacrifice themselues to their owne shame: which I had rather here adde (though somewhat out of order) then altogether to omit them. Howbeit my meaning is not to busie my selfe with the examples of Clergymen who haue layd violent hands vpō themselues, therewith to parallele the examples of Laymen who haue bin moued to do the like. I will onely insist vpon one, which is proper vnto them quarto modo (as Logicians speake.) For all the former examples of felons de se, are common as well to the Cleargy as to the Laity. But this which I am about to relate, is peculiar to Cleargy-men, and Lay-men haue no part therein▪ being a murther committed vpon a proud conceit which popish priests had of their merits, that they (forsooth) did as farre exceed Lay-mens merits, as the pillars in the Church do their shadowes. For though Laymen put great confidence in them, yet they neuer so relyed vpon them, as that they would aduenture to cast themselues from the top of a high towre, or into a deepe well: which befel this merit-monger of whom we speake. The story is this. A Monk called Heron, hauing liued fifty yeares in an Ermitage, and strictly obserued the rules and orders of his founder, was so puffed vp with pride & vaine conceit of himselfe, in regard of the merit of his works, that the diuel appeared vnto him & tempted him, to take trial of the vertue of thē by casting himselfe into a well; assuring him he should escape without harme. The fond Frier thinking it had bin an Angel sent vnto him from heauen for this end, cast himselfe into a well of that depth, that the bottome of it could not be seene; whence being drawne out again with much ado, they could not perswade him that it was the diuell which appeared vnto him and tempted him: and so he died the third day after, persisting obstinate in this opinion. This story I found in a fragment of a Latin booke (the author whereof is not knowne) written faire in parchment, and seemeth to be of great antiquity, at leastwise of as great as such Ecclesiasticall records may be. But who euer was the author thereof, certen it is, he was a fauourer of the fraternity. For he speaketh of them, as being one of the same order, and giues them brotherly warning to looke to themselues. I will therefore alleadge the Latin story word for word, as I copied it out of the said fragment, which (I take it) neuer came to light before: for otherwise I would haue contented my selfe to haue aduertised the Reader thereof. Howbeit if it haue passed the presse, I shall do no man wrong but my self, sith I haue eased the Reader of so much paine in the copying of it out. Certaine of mine acquaintance to whom I shewed it, are of opinion that it is to be found in a booke called Vitae Patrum.

DE MORTE HERONIS SENIS.

Heronem post multorum laborem annorum deceptum,

quòd non habuit discretionem.

ET vt hanc candem definitionem antiquitùs à sancto Antonio & caeteris patribus promulgatam, recens quoque (sicut promisimus) confirmet exemplum, recolite id quod nuper gestum, oculorum vestrorū vidistis obtutibus: senem videlicet Heronem ante paucos admodum dies illusione Diaboli, à summis ad ima deiectū, quem quinquaginta anni [...] [Page] in hac Eremo commoratum, singulari districtione rigorem continentiae tenuisse meminimus, & solitudinis secreta vltra omnes hîc commorantes miro feruore sectatum. Hic igitur quo pacto quáue ratione post tantos labores ab insidiatore illusus, grauissimo corruens lapsu, cunctos in hac eremo constitutos luctuoso dolore percussit? Nónne quòd minus virtute discretionis possessa, suis definitionibus regi, quàm consilijs vel collationibus fratrum atque institutis maiorum maluit obedire? Siquidem tanto rigore immutabilem [...] continentiam semper exercuit, & solitudinis cellae (que) ita iugiter secreta sectatus est, vt ab eo participationem in [...]undi confraternitate conniuij, ne veneratio quidem dici paschalis aliquando potuerit obtinere: in qua fratribus cunctis pro anniuersaria solemnitate in Ecclesia retentatis, solus non poterat aggredi, ne quantulumcunque, perceptione leguminis parui, à suo videretur proposito relaxasse. Qua praesumptione deceptus, Angelum Satanae vel [...]ti Angelum lucis [...]um summa veneratione suscipiens, eius (que) praeceptis prono obediens famulatu, semetipsum in puteum, cuius profunditatem oculorum non attingit intuitus, praecipitem dedit: de Angeli videlicet sui sponsione non dubitans, qui [...]um pro merito virtutum ac laborum suorum, nequaquam posse firmauerat vlli iam discrimini subiacere. Cuius rei fidem vt experimento suae sospitatis euidentissimè comprobaret, supradicto se puteo nocte intempesta illusus iniecit: magnum sc. virtutis suae meritum probaturus cum inde exisset ill [...]sus. De quo cum penè iam exanguis ingenti fratrum labore fuisset extractus, vitam die tertia finiturus, quod his deterius est, ita in deceptionis suae permansit obstinatione, vt ei nec experimentum quidem mortis suae potuerit persuadere, quòd fuisset daemonum calliditate delusus. Quamobrem pro meritis tantorum laborum & annorum numerositate, qua in eremo perdurauit, hoc miseratione & humanitate summa ab his qui eius compatiebantur exitio, vix à Presbytero & Ab [...]ate Paphnutio potuit obtineri, vt non inter biothanatous reputatus, etiam memoria & oblatione pausantium iudicaretur indignus.

And here I thought it not amisse to alleadge another place out of the same booke, where mention is made of an Abbot, who was in like sort deluded by the diuell, though not so dangerously as the former.

DE ILLVSIONE ABBATIS IOHANNIS.

IN quo etiam Abbatem Iohannem qui * lico commoratur, nouimus nuper illusum. Nam quum exhausto corpore atque defecto, perceptionem cibi biduano ieiunio distulisset, accedenti ei ad refectionem die postero, veniens diabolus in figura Aethiopis tetri, atque ad eius genua prouolutus, Indulge, inquit, mihi, quòd ego tibi hunc laborem indixi. Itaque ille vir tantus & discretionis ratione perfectus, sub colore continentiae incongruenter exercitatus, intellexit se ab hoc calliditate diaboli circumuentum, tali (que) distentum [...]eiunio, vt lassitudinem non necessariam, immò etiam spiritui nocituram, fatigato corpori superponeret: & paracharaximo scilicet illusus numismatis, cum in illo veri regis imaginem veneratus est, parum discutit an esset legitimè figuratum. Vltima verò obseruatio huius probabilis trapezitae, quam de inquisitione ponderis esse praediximus, taliter implebitur, si quicquid gerendum cogitatio nostra suggesserit, omni scrupulo retractantes, atque in nostri pectoris trutina collocantes, aequilibratione iustissima perpend [...]mus, an plenum honestate communi sit, an timore domini sit graue, an integrum sensu, aut humana ostentatione, aut aliqua nouitatis praesumptione sit leue: an meriti eius pondus inanis cenodoxiae non iniminuerit, vel adroserit gloria, & sic ea protinus ad examen publicum trutinantes, id est, ad Prophetarum & Apostolorum actus, ac testimonia conferentes, vel tanquam integra atque perfecta, & illis compensantia teneamus, vel tanquam imperfecta, atque damnosa, nec illorum ponderi consonantia, omni cautione ac diligentia refu [...]emus.

CHAP. XXV. Of Blasphemies vttered by Popish Prelates.

[Page]

THe blasphemies of our good Catholickes of the Popish Cleargie, I here handle apart from those of the Laitie: not intending thereby to honour them, or thinking it more fitting and beseeming them, but yeelding rather to my memory, which doth not alwayes furnish me with fit examples as oftē as I could wish, but maketh me to attend and wait, whereby I am constrained in the meane time to intreate of some other argument, whereof I haue examples more ready at hand. But the Reader can lose nothing by the bargaine: for the longer my memory causeth me to stay, the more examples it affoordeth me afterwards, which I communicate & impart vnto him.

2 But not to dwell too long in the preface, we haue here first to note, that whereas it was said in old time as it were by way of a prouerbe, He sweareth like a gentlemā: (for it was thought a thing vnbeseeming a base pais [...]nt to renoūce God, non pertinere ad rurales renūtiare Deū, as we heard before out of Menot) others were wont to say & do euen at this day, He sweareth like a carter, or he sweareth like an Abbot, or he sweareth like a Prelat. But leauing the discussing of this question to others, (viz. which of all three is grounded vpon best reason) this one thing I will say by the way, that gentlemen and carters haue learned the tricke or trade or art of blaspheming of Popish Prelats and other polshorne Popelings, and not they of them. And I doubt not but all men of good and sound iudgement, and such as are not caried away with preiudice in regard of partialitie or priuate respect, will iumpe with me in this opinion. If they shall say that Church-men haue bin indeed maisters in that trade, but that their schollers haue excelled them; I easily accord that in some blasphemy they might farre exceed them. But two sort [...] of blasphemies there are, which are proper and peculiar to them alone. For whereas Lay-men blaspheme God but in word onely, Church-men blaspheme him also in deed: for they both dishonor him by their wicked liues, and teare him in peeces with their bloudy oathes: (for I take the word here in a more generall acception then it is commonly taken, being directed by the Greeke Etymology formerly spoken of.) And though we should but speake of blasphemies in word only, how many sorts (may we thinke) are there to be found in the writings of these Sir Iohns, of which Lay-men neuer dreamed?

3 First therfore to begin with blasphemies common as well to Laicks as Clericks, vttered in dishonor of God by these swearing swaggerers and fustian fooles, it will not sinke into my head, that secular men euer rapped out such wicked and wild oathes as Church-men haue done, but rather the contrary. How euer it be, this I am sure of, that though I continued long in Italy (where aboue all other countries blasphemy doth most fearfully abound) and was often in place (though sore against my will) where I heard very outragious & detestable speeches against our Sauiour Christ and the blessed Virgin (whom they handle after a farre stranger manner then they do in France,) yet neuer heard I such a blasphemy as this, which was vttered by a Priest at Rome, Al dispetto di quel can che pendeua nella Croce. [Page] He had indeed belched out sundry other before he came to this which he reserued for the last to make vp his mouth withall, as being most horrible of all the rest. And what moued him (may we think) to breake forth into this blasphemy, but a strumpet of his (forsooth) who had playd him a slippery touch, as himselfe affirmed. As [...] this were not to play Will Sommers to strike his next fellow: that because the curtizan had angered him, he would reuenge himselfe vpon God, and so despite and villanize him, as neither Turke nor Iew could haue done worse. For he further added a most execrable speech, which I will here omit. As for blasphemies vttered in coole bloud without choler, passion or heate of affection, our good Catholicks of the Romish hierarchy are so far from being indebted to the Laity, that (except they will be very vngrateful) they must needs acknowledge themselues much beholding vnto thē: for proofe wherof, as I haue alleadged examples of the blasphemies of the one, so I wil here alleadge some few of the other. And first I wil begin with that which is spoken in way of a prouerbe, Weepe not, for perhaps it is not true. Which grew (as it is said) vpon speech of one that preached of the passion, who after he had made the poore people shed teares by the pitifull exclamations which he made vpon the cruel death which our Sauiour suffered vpon the crosse▪ hauing had the pastime and sport he looked for, said, Weepe not, for perhaps it is not true. And what shall we say of the ghostly father, who preaching at Tours (about three or foure yeares ago) said, These wicked Huguenots do vtterly renounce the Pope, and say, that we are onely to hold that which Christ hath taught: But I tell you, that if Christ and the Pope should sit here either of them in a chaire, and the one of them should enioyne me one thing, and the other another; I would obey the Pope rather then Christ. And this agreeth well with that which an Italian writeth of a Cardinall, who being sick vnto the death, and desirous to be shriuen, when his confessor told him (vpon occasion) that he ought to worship one only God. So I do (quoth he) and that is the Pope. For seeing that the Pope is God on earth (and that both are not to be worshipped) I had rather worship him that is visible, then God who is inuisible. His confessor replying againe, and telling him, that the Pope was neither God nor Christ (albeit the simple seduced world did hold him for his vicar.) How (quoth he) can it be said, that the Pope is Christs Vicar? if that were so, Christ should be greater then the Pope. But I would thou shouldst know, that if he should come in proper person to Rome, the Pope would not entertaine him, except he would submit himselfe and kisse his pantoufle. Notwithstanding Pope Iulius the third (otherwise called Iohn Maria de Monte) was cōtent to be called Gods Vicar, when [...]he said, that if God was so angry for an apple, that for it he cast our first father Adam out of Paradise, then might he (who was his Vicar) wel be angry for a Peacock which is a greater matter (I wisse) then an apple. This he meant of a Peacock serued him in at dinner, which he had commaunded should be kept cold for supper, but was not. For which ouersight being in a wonderfull chafe, a Cardinall sitting with him at the table, told him that he ought not to be so angry for such a trifle: to whom the Pope answered as is aforesaid. The same holy father missing his dish of porke, which was wont to be one of his standing dishes, (for he loued porke and peacock exceeding well) when his steward told him, that the Physition had giuen order there should be none serued in, because it was hurtfull for his health: he would not take this reason for good payment, but began to despite him whose vicar he boasted himselfe to be, saying: Porta mi quel mio piatto, all dispetto di Dio: Fetch me my My dish of meate, [...] lic [...]. Porke in despight of God. In reading of which story, that came to my mind which I heard reported of Pope Paul the third, how that in procession [Page] at Rome, where the Corpus Christi (as they call it) was solemnly caried before him in procession, he should say, that if the company which went before staid so long, they would make him renounce Christ. Wherupon one ranne before, and willed them to march on faster: for his Holinesse (saith he) is in such a rage by reason of your long stay, that he is ready to renounce Christ and all the Kirielle. Consider (gentle Reader) how handsomly these things hang together, that he which went in solemne procession in honour of the body of Christ (as they would make vs beleeue) should deny Christ. But they who by the grace of God haue their eies opened to see such abuses, ought to consider what the Greek prouerb saith of such speeches, that Often when the tongue trippeth, it telleth the truth. For (considering the abuse therein cōmitted) were it not better to deny Christ, then to make him such a morrice dancer in a May-game? An example of this tripping we haue in him who said to a Priest, Come and say Masse in an hundred thousand diuels names, for my maister is angry. Another Masse-monging gentleman of Lorraine being angry with his sonne (who was a Masse-maligner) said vnto him, Get you to Masse in the diuels name, to Masse. Whereof his sonne tooke aduantage, acknowledging that his father spake truer then he was aware. But to returne to our blasphemers, we find that the Popes. Vicars aforesaid made no conscience to appropriate and apply to themselues (some in earnest, others in sport) those texts of Scripture, wherein he (whose vicars they pretend themselues to be) speaketh of himselfe. Alexander the fift lying on his death bed, vsed the same words to those that stood about him that Christ did to his Apostles, My peace I giue vnto you, my peace I leaue with you. And Pope Paul the third knew how to apply the words of Saint Paul: I would wish my selfe separate from Christ for my brethren, which are my kinsmen according to the flesh. For being told vpon a time by certaine Cardinals in open Consistory, that he could not giue Parma and Plays [...]nce to his bastards, except he would damne himselfe: he answered them in this sort, If Saint Paul bare so tender an affection to his countrymen (whom he calleth his brethren) that he desired to be separate from Christ to the end they might be saued; why should not I beare so tender an affection to my sonnes and nephewes, as to labour to make them great with the hazard of mine owne saluation? As for the speech of Pope Leo the tenth, it suteth better with the atheist call speech of the gallant who said, Weepe not, for perhaps it is not true. For when Cardinall Bembus alleadged a certaine place out of the new Testament, he answered him in this sort, O what wealth haue we gotten by this fable of Christ? of which blasphemy, not only this Pope, but the greatest part of his pu [...]-fellows are guilty in the highest degree, if we may iudge of the tree by his fruites.

4 There are also sundry other blasphemies vttered by these Sir Iohns ▪ as well in their disputations as in their sermons and writings, of which I will here alleadge some few examples. A popish Prelate disputing on a time against certaine his aduersaries, said he wondred that they vnderstood not a text in the new Testament, very pregnant to stop the mouthes of the Lutherans in the matter of Iustification by faith onely. For marke (said he) when the Apostles were on the sea in a sm [...]ll ship▪ tossed with the wind, Saint Peter (being a Lutheran, and bel [...]euing that his b [...]e [...]aith was able to saue him) said vnto Christ, Bid me come vnto thee vpon the waters. And (he hauing bidden him come) leapt into the sea with his naked f [...]ith and hardly escaped drowning: Nay, he had bin drowned out of question, if Christ had not miraculously assisted him and pulled him into the ship, causing him to returne to his worke againe, viz. to his rowing. Now then let these fellows who rely so much vpon their faith, go and drowne with S. Peter if they wil. For my part [Page] I am not determined to forsake the smal vessel, but to abide in it rowing at one oa [...]e or other, still labouring and exercising my selfe in good workes. If we had no other example, this alone were sufficient to shew how these Sir Iohns dallied with the Scriptures. Howbeit there are infinite like to be found. Among which, that of a Popish Prelate is very common, who was not ashamed to say, that Saint Paul spake many things which he might well haue concealed, and that if he had considered the offence which might haue bin taken thereat, he would haue bin better aduised before he had spoken them. But what greater blasphemies could all the diuels in hell deuise and forge, then those which we reade in the booke of Conformities, printed at Millan by one Gotard Pontice, in the yeare 1510. and after that in other places? where sundry things are recorded more like dreames and dotages then true stories. For though the world in old time was maruailously blinded (as we know) in such sort that a man would haue thought they had (through the iust iudgment of God) shut their eyes, that they might not see the truth: yet was it nothing to the blindnesse of those blind bayards, who published the book of Conformities, containing such horrible, hideous and hellish blasphemies, that it is almost incredible there should any be found so gracelesse as once durst breathe or belch them out. For proofe whereof consider these particulars: Christ was transfigured but once, S. Francis twenty times. Christ changed water into wine but once, S. Francis did it thrise. Christ felt the paine of his wounds but a short time, S. Francis felt the paine of his for the space of two yeares together. And as for miracles, as giuing sight to the blind, restoring limmes to the lame, casting diuels out of men possessed, and raising the dead, Christ hath done nothing in comparison of S. Francis and his brethren. For they haue giuen sight to aboue a thousand blind; they haue made aboue a thousand lame to walke, as well men as beasts; they haue cast diuels out of mo then a thousand demoniacks, and haue raised aboue a thousand from death to life. Is it possible that a man should heare these false Friers teach and preach such stuffe as this without spitting in their faces? what say I, without spitting in their faces? nay without tearing them in peeces? True it is indeed, they durst not say in plaine termes, that Christ was not worthy to wipe S. Francis his shoes for they are content to say that [...]e excelled the Apostles, the Saints, and the Angels:) But hauing confidently auouched that his miracles did infinitely surpasse Christs miracles: they thought there was none so simple but could easily inferre the conclusion, though he had neuer studied the principles of Logicke. But I shall desire thee (gentle Reader) to lend thy patient eare to other sayings in this booke, Fol. 5. of the foresaid impression: Beata Maria, vt Franciscus mitteretur in mundum, Patri supplicauit. Item, Maria Francisci precibus indulgentiam pro peccatoribus in Ecclesiae Sanctae Mariae de Portiuncula impetrauit: that is, The virgin Mary prayed to God the Father that he would send Saint Francis into the world: and by his intercession obtained pardon for sinners in the Church of Saint Mary de Portiuncula. But herein consisteth the very quintessence of impudency, in that they make the Scripture to come at their whistle, and serue their diuellish legendary lies, which they haue coyned of their S. Francis. As when they say (in the same place) Franciscus est in gloria Dei Patris, Phil. 2. that is, S. Francis is in the glory of God the Father. He that desireth to heare more of such abuses, deprauations and falsifications of holy Scripture all on a thrum, farre more incredible then the former, let him reade that which is written fol. 4. Christus fecit Franciscum sibi similem: primò in vita virtuosa: deinde impressione stigmatū. Hinc de beato Francisco illud Ecclesiastici 44. dicitur, Non est inuentus similis illi, qui conseruaret legem Excelsi. Quibus verbis, beati Francisci celebritas, praeclaritas,[Page]sanctitas, & fama radiosa declaratur. Fuit enim homo syncerissimus. Item, qualiter, quomodo, & ad quid Deus fecit Franciscum, ostenditur Genesis 1. & 2. vbi sic scribitur, Faciamus hominem (id est Franciscum) ad imaginem & similitudinem nostram: & praesit piscibus maris, & volatilibus coeli, & bestijs terrae, vniuersae (que) creaturae, omni (que) reptili quod mouetur in terra. Et sequitur, Formauit Deus hominem de limo terrae: & inspirauit in faciem eius spiraculum vitae, & factus est homo in animā viuentem. Sequitur, Posuit [...]um in Paradiso, vt operaretur & custodiret illū. Et ibidem, Ex omni ligno Paradisi comede: de ligno autem scientae boni & mali ne comedas. Et subditur, quòd Deus ait, quòd non erat bonum esse hominem solum: & fecit ei adiutorium simile sibi. Et tulit vnam de cos [...]is eius, & ex ea Euam aedificauit. In quibus verbis ostenditur quòd B. Franciscus fuit homo, primò singularissimus, & à Deo in mundum destinatus, non casis fortuito, aut hominum consilio: sed diuina prouidentia, qua regulantur omnia. Ideo ad hoc ostendendum dicitur, Faciamus. Verbum est totius Trinitatis beatum Franciscum ad mundum dirigentis. Secundò, quod fuit homo syncerissimus, & à corporis brutalitate segregatus: quia homo fuit, & per consequens non sensualis, aut sensualitati corporis deditus, sed ab ea separatus, rationabilis, & rationi subditus & subiectus. Sic enim motus sensuales refrenauit poenitentia arctiori vt hostem domesticum perfectè subijceret, & sine difficultate rationi pareret. Tertiò, quod fuit homo perfectissimus: quia ad imaginē Dei. Quartò, homo exemplarissimus: quia ad Dei similitudinem. Quintò, in vita rigidissimus: quia piscibus maris praefuit. Sextò, Angelis dilectissimus: quia volatilibus coeli iunctus fuit. Septimò, cunctis peccatoribus amicissimus: quia bestijs terrae. Octauò, Deo vnitissimus: ideo praefuit vniuersae creaturae. Nonò, diabolo infestissimus: quia omni reptili terr [...]. Decimò, sua reputatione abiectissimus: quia de limo terrae. Vndecimò, gratia plenissimus: quia inspirauit in faciem eius spiraculum vitae. Decimosecundò, operatione virtuosissimus: quia factus est in animam viuentem. Decimotertiò, Dei contemplatione intentissimus: quia in Paradiso semper erat. Decimoquartò, verbo efficacissimus: quia operatus est salutem multorum. Decimoquintò, in omnibus ordinatissimus: quia custodiuit se & alios. Decimosextò, imitator Apostolorum & perfectorū: quia ex omni ligno comedit. Decimoseptimò, excecrator scelerum contra Deum commissorum: quia de ligno mali non comedit. Decimooctauò, paupertatis desponsator, & abdicator terrenorum: quia adiutorium simile sibi, videlicet, contubernium paupertatis est sibi datum. Vltimò, ordinator omni [...] sanctitatis & religionis: quia ex eo Ecclesia quoad tres ordines est formata. Tres enim propagines ex ipso sunt, velut ex lateris costa germinatae & productae.

That is, Christ hath made S. Francis like to himselfe: first, in his vertuous life: next in imprinting his wounds in his body. Wherupon it is said, Ecclesiast. 44. There was none like vnto him in keeping the law of the most high. VVhich words set forth the fame, the excellency, sanctity, and glory of S. Francis. Item, of what quality, how, and to what end God created S. Francis, is set downe Gen. 1. &. 2. chap. where it is said, Let vs make man (that is S. Francis) after our image and similitude: and let him haue dominion ouer the fish of the sea, the fowles of the ayre, the beasts of the field, and all creeping things which moue vpon the earth. And then it followeth, God made man of the slime of the earth, and breathed into his face the breath of life, and man was made a liuing soule. Item, the Lord God took man and placed him in the gardē of Eden to dresse it and keepe it: and cōmanded him, saying, Of euery tree of the garden thou shalt eate, but of the tree of knowledge of good and euill thou shalt not eate. After it is said, It is not good that man should be alone: and he made him an helper like vnto himselfe, and tooke out one of his ribs and thereof made Eue. By which words it is manifest, first that S. Francis was a most singular man, one whom God had preordained should come into the world, not by chance, or by the counsell of men, but by his owne prouidence, [Page] whereby he disposeth and gouerneth all things. And therefore it is sayd, Let vs make: A speech vttered by all the persons in the Trinity, appointing S. Francis to come into the world. Secondly, that he was most pure, void of all carnality, brutishnes and sensuality: for he was a man, and so consequently not carnal nor addicted to fleshly lusts as beasts are: but exempt from it, as hauing an vnderstanding soule, obedient & subiect to reason. So that through his strict penance, he so wel curbed and kept in his sensuall appetite, that he perfectly foyled and brought vnder his intestine enemy, obeying reason without difficulty. Thirdly, most perfect, because he was created in the image of God. Fourthly, a most perfect exemplar or Idea of all goodnesse, because he was made after the similitude of God. Fiftly, of a most austere and strict life, because he had soueraignty ouer the fishes of the sea. Sixtly, most beloued of the Angels, because he was ioyned to the fowles of the ayre. Seuenthly, a great friend to all sinners, because he had Lordship ouer all the beasts of the field. Eightly, most neerly vnited to God, because he was ruler and gouernour of all creatures. Ninthly, a mortall enemy to the diuel, because he had power ouer all that creepeth on the earth. Tenthly, of all men most base in his owne conceit, because he was made of the dust of the earth. 11. Most replenished with grace, because God breathed into him the breath of life. 12. Ful of vertue and operation, because he was made a liuing soule. 13. Rauished with the contemplation of God, because he was alwayes in Paradise. 14. Most mighty in word, because he saued many. 15. Most orderly in all his actions, because he kept others and himselfe also. 16. An imitator of the Apostles and of the perfect; for he did eate of euery tree. 17. A detester of all wickednesse committed against God, because he did not eate of the tree of knowledge of euill. 18. One that had (as it were) betrothed himselfe to pouerty, renouncing the world; because God gaue him an helper to assist him, viz. pouerty to be his companion. And lastly, a dispenser of all sanctity and religion, because of him the Church was formed, as concerning the three orders: for those three branches sprang out of him, as from a rib taken out of his side. Nay there is no testimony of Scripture from the first chapter of Genesis to the end of the Apocalyps, which is not vsed or rather abused to magnifie and set out the order of S. Francis. Fol. 83. Et ideo Iohannes Euangelista, postquam Apoc. cap. 7. descripsit tempus missionis [...]. Francisci, scilicet sub apertione sexti sigilli, & quomodo est missus: quia vt Angelus habens signum Dei viui: subdit de multitudine, Francisci praedicatione, vita & exemplo, & suorum sociorum, ad Christum conuersa & conuertenda. Quum dicit, quod vidit numerum signatorum, centum quadraginta quatuor millia ex omni tribu filiorum Israel: hoc potest exponi, quod in hoc ordine tot essent futuri fratres, siue conuertendi per fratres, deducto populo ad Dominum, & hoc in ordinis processu. Vel tempore Antichristi, quando hic ordo, destructis aliis ordinibus, praedicabit contra Antichristum. Et tunc iuxta dictū Apostoli & Scripturae, & Apoc. cap. 8, reliquiae Israel ad Dominum conuertentur. Vel potest dici, quod per numerū certum (iuxta modum loquendi Scripturae) accipit incertum: vt non solùm sint signati, scilicet habitu Francisci & crucifixi, centum quadraginta quatuor millia, sed infiniti alij. Et hoc videtur Iohannes innuere, quum subdit, quod vidit post praedicta turbam magnam, quam nemo dinumerare poterat: ex omnibus tribubus, populis & linguis, &c. Sic ergo multitudine locorum per angulos mundi diffusorum, apparet multitudo fratrum qui sunt istius ordinis.

That is,

And therefore Saint Iohn the Euangelist (Apocal. 7.) hauing set downe the time when Saint Francis should be sent into the world, namely, at the opening of the sixt seale: and in what sort, viz. as an Angell hauing the signe of the liuing God: [Page] He telleth vs of the multitude which should be conuerted to Christ by the holy life and doctrine of him and his fellows. VVhen he saith, that the number of those which were sealed was an hundred fortie and foure thousand of all the tribes of Israel: which may be thus expounded, that there should be so many Friers of that Order, or of such as were to be conuerted by their meanes, (the people being brought vnto the Lord) and that in the continuation of the order; or rather in the time of Antichrist, when this order should preach against Antichrist, the rest being abolished. And then (according to the saying of the Apostle, the Scripture, and the Apocalyp. chap. 8.) The remnant of Israel shall be conuerted to the Lord. Or it may be said, that by a certaine number (in the Scripture phrase) is meant an vncertaine: to wit, that there shall not onely be an hundred forty and foure thousand Franciscans and Crucigeri sealed, but an infinite number of others also. And this seemeth to be Saint Iohns meaning when he saith, that he saw a great multitude which could not be numbred, of all tribes, people & tongues, &c. So that the multitude of Franciscans may be gathered by the multitude of their Couents in al quarters and corners of the world. And fol. 4. in the same page before the former place, we haue these words: Quibus & alijs quae hîc omittūtur, quanta est gloria beati Francisci, euidenter astruitur & monstratur: & consequenter apparet, quod beatus Franciscus in coelo praemium habet magnum: & in sede celsa sublimatur: vt de ipso dicatur Domino Iesu illud Psalmi octaui, Gloriâ & honore coronasti eum, & constituisti super opera manuum tuarum. Dedit enim illi gloriam regni qualem nullus ante eum habuit. 1. Paral. 29. that is, by which (and sundry other particulars here omitted) it may appeare how great the glory of Saint Francis is, and consequently how great a reward he hath in heauen, and how he is exalted and set in a high throne. For Psal. 8. the holy Ghost saith to Christ concerning him, Thou hast crowned him with glorie and honour, and hast set him ouer the workes of thy hands. For he hath giuen him a greater measure of glory in his celestiall kingdome, then euer he gaue to any before him. 1. Paralip. 29. And fol. 14. Fuit etiam beatus Franciscus ministris pluribus &c. that i [...], Saint Francis was also manifested to many prouinciall ministers, when he established the last rule. At which words of Saint Francis, Christ bowing himselfe, said, that that was his meaning touching the obseruation of the rule; and thereupon cried with a loud voice in their hearing, that himselfe and not S. Francis was author thereof. It is there further said, that Saint Francis kept euery iot and [...]ittle of the law. And fol. 17. that he was Patriarch, Prophet, Apostle, Martyr, Doctor, Confessor, Virgin, Angell, nay aboue all Saints whatsoeuer, most conformable to Christ. And fol. 46. he setteth downe the names and sirnames of his twelue Apostles, viz. Petrus Cathanei, Iohannes de Capella, Philippus Longus, &c. And straight after he saith, As Iudas Iscariot wrs cast out of the office of Apostleship vnder Christ, so Iohannes de Capella was put from his Apostleship vnder Saint Francis. And what would we more? when they sticke not to say (fol. 220.) Beatus Franciscus titulatus fuit titulo IESVS per conformitatem quam habuit ad vitam Iesu: NAZARENVS quia vigo purissima: REX, sensuum interiorum & exteriorum custodia & regulatione. IVDAEORVM, quia iubilo & gaudio plenus creaturas omnes ad Deum laudandum solicitauit: that is, Saint Francis was called Iesus in regard of his conformity with him in his holy life. A Nazarite, because he was a most pure virgin. A King, as hauing power and dominion ouer his inward and outward senses. Of the Iewes, because that being full of spirituall and heauenly ioy, he stirred vp all creatures to praise God. But enough of these diabolical and damnable speeches: for I suppose I am come to the height of the blasphemous impieties of these Monkish miscreants, [Page] if I may so call them to expresse the impietie, whereof their blasphemies giue sufficient testimony.

5 Touching blasphemies which haue bene vttered in the pulpit by Popish Preachers, I wil here alleadge some few examples as an additament to the former, yet so as if I haply omit any which shall afterward come to my mind in the second part of the Apologie (where I am to shew how our auncestors suffered their Preachers to leade them by the nose) I will not misse there to insert them. For the present, I remember a speech which Menot a French man, and Barelete an Italian deliuered in the pulpit, containing such a blasphemy as were enough to make the haire of a mans head stand vpright, viz. that rather then Christ should not haue bin crucified, the vi [...]gin Mary would haue crucified him with her owne hands. True it is, they alleadge their authors, and further adde that it proceeded of an earnest desire she had of the saluation of mankind. But because it might otherwise haply seeme incredible, I will here set downe their owne words, quoting the place where they are to be found. First then in the sermons of Menot fol. 169. col. 3. towards the end, somwhat before these words, Finis euangeliorum quadragesimaliū, we reade as followeth: Audiui ab ore magistri Huet, in conuenta Parisiensi praedicantis, quod si non alius se obtulisset, virgo Maria tanto zelo amabat redemptionem generis humani, quod proprijs manibus filium crucifixisset. As for Barelete, marke what he saith of the blessed virgin, fol. 115. col. 2. Quia tempore passionis, quamuis sui dolores essent intensi, videndo filium affligi, tamen volebat filium mori pro humanae generationis salute. Et vt dicit Archiepiscopus, Si alius modus non fuisset, ipsamet filium proprium occidisset: quia non minor erat charitas sua quàm Abrahae, qui filium suum erat paratus occidere. Moreouer he saith that the Apostles went to complaine to her of her sonne, because he kept not touch with them in sending the holy Ghost: and that there was a dissention betweene the Father and the holy Ghost, who feared to come into the world, lest they should be dealt with as the Iewes dealt with Christ. Vnde isto mane veniunt ad Mariam, dicentes, Heu, filius suus nobis promisit mittere spiritum sanctum: hodie sunt decem dies quod ascendit, & adhuc spiritum sanctum non misit. Et virgo, Non dubitetis quòd hodie omninò mittet: nec a [...] mittere debuit. Et ratio, Quando Deus traxit populum de captiuitate Aegypti, quinquagesimo die descendit in forma ignis in monte Sinai, dando legem: fuit figura, quod quinquagesimo die resurrectionis suae, nos liberaret & viuificaret, vnde ponamus nos in oratione. Petrus cum alijs se ad vnam partem posuit: Lazarus cum Lxxij. ad aliam: & Magdalena cum alijs mulieribus ad aliam: & virgo Maria in medio. In coelesti palatio facta est dissentio inter Patrem & Spiritum sanctum. O pater (inquit filius) promisi Apostolis meis paraclitum & consolatorem: tempus aduenit vt promissionem attendam. Cui pater, Sum contentus: indica [...]piritui sancto. Cui Spiritus sanctus, Dic mihi quomodo te tractauêre? Cui filius, vide me per charitatem: ostendit ei latus & manus & pedes perforatas. Heu mihi, sed vadam in aliam effigiem, quod non audebunt me tangere. Qui descendit cum maximo strepitu. Factus est repente de coelo sonus tanquam aduenientis, &c. See fol. 178. col. 1.

6 But let vs heare another discourse of the same Preacher, stuffed with farre greater and more incredible blasphemies, especially considering that the chiefest mystery of Christian religion is thereby prophaned. Fol. 229. col. 4. these be his words: Quamuis ab aterno Deus praedestinauerit, &c. (which because they are somwhat long & tedious, it shall suffice to translate them into English, abridging them in some places:) Though God (saith he) had decreed the incarnation of his Son, and the saluation of mankind from all eternitie; yet it was his wil and pleasure that it should be impetrated by our prayers, and the prayers of holy people: so that the [Page] holy fathers euen with teares desired to see that day; and how great their desire was, the Scriptures declare. Now Adam, Enos, Enoch, Mathusalem, Lamech and Noe (who liued so long) seeing they could not obtaine the thing which they desired, resolued to send Ambassadours. First Esay, saying chap. 16. Lord send the Lambe the gouernour of the land (Agnum dominatorem terrae.) And chap. 45. You heauens send downe your deaw from aboue, &c. And in the 64. chapter, O that thou wouldest breake the heauens and come downe, and that the mountaines might melt at thy presence. After that, the Prophets send Moses, Exod. 4. Obsecro Domine, mitte quem missurus es: that is, I beseech thee, O Lord, send him whom thou shouldest send: that is, thou hast sent me before for a particular deliuerance, now send for the generall deliuerance. After that, the Kings sent Dauid, who spake thus, Lord shew vs [...]hy mercy, and giue vs thy sauing health. After all these came Aaron, sent by the Priests, who said, Lord bow the heauens and come downe. In the last place came the Church, which said, Stirre vp thy strength and come, O Lord lift vp thy selfe. The Patriarches seeing that these requests tooke no place, sent women. First Madame Eue went and spake thus, Thou hast condemned vs for our sinne, yet remember it not O God, but deliuer me out of this darke dungeon. To whom God answered, Eue thou hast sinned, and therefore art vnworthy my sonne should be sent into the world for thy sake. The second was Madame Sara, who said▪ O Lord helpe vs: to whom God answered, Thou art not worthy: for thou didst not beleeue that thou shouldst conceiue and beare a sonne. The third was Madame Rebecca, to whom God said, Thou shewedst thy selfe partiall betweene Iacob and Esau. The fourth was Madame Iudith, to whō God answered, Thou hast bin a murtherer. The fift was Queene Esther, to whom he said, Thou louedst vanitie too much, when thou deckedst thy selfe to please King Assuerus. At last they sent a maid of fourteene yeares of age, who with a deiect and shamefast countenance kneeled downe and said, I beseech thee (O my God) that my best beloued may come into his garden, that he may eate of his apples. (This garden was the virgins womb.) Which when the sonne heard, he said vnto his father, O my father, I haue from my youth loued this maid, and haue laboured to haue her to my spouse. Wherupon God the Father presently calling the Angel Gabriel, said vnto him, Gabriel go quickly to Nazareth to Mary, and carry her these letters from me, and tell her that I haue chosen her to be my wife. Then said the Sonne, And tell her from me, that I haue chosen her to be my mother, and that I will be incarnate in her wombe; I will be her sonne, and she shall be my mother: Deliuer her this message. Then spake the holy Ghost, and said, I will dwell in her, and she shall be my Temple; Cary her this message from me. Then Gabriel coming to her▪ said, Aue gratia plena, Dominus tecum. Ab A (quod est sine) & Ve, culpa; immunis à triplici Ve. De quibus Apoc. 12. Ve, ve, ve, habitantibus in terra. Gratia plena. Hieronymus, Benè, Gratia plena, quod caeteris per partes, &c. At these words of the Angell she was sore troubled. Now she had three gentlewomen with her, Prudence, Virginitie and Humilitie. And first she went to Prudence to haue her counsell, saying, O my loue, tell me your opinion, what I were best to do. Prudence answered, Mary, I consider that which is written in the 29. chap. of Ecclesiasticus, He that is hasty to giue credit is light minded. And therefore it is well said in the Gospell, that Mary mused in her selfe what maner of salutation that might be. Ecclesiasticus 32. Audi tacens, & pro reuerentia accedit tibi bona gratia. Giue eare and be still, and for thy good behauiour thou shalt be loued. The Angell seeing her thus troubled, said vnto her, Feare not Mary: why art thou afraid? After this she asked counsell of her second gentlewoman Virginitie, who said vnto her, Mary aske the Angell how [Page] thou shalt conceiue: if he answer and say, By the seed of man; beate him away with a cudgell. O iuuenculae, quando vestri amatores nominant impudica, &c. How can this be, seeing I neuer knew man? The Angell answered, The holy Ghost shall come vpon thee, and the power of the most high shall ouershadow thee, and therefore, &c. And a little after, There was a disputation who should worke this redemption, whether the Father, the Sonne, or the holy Ghost; and it was agreed that the Sonne should be the Redeemer. And the reason, &c.

7 And if it were possible for thee (gentle Reader) to haue so much patience, I would further desire thee to reade this other discourse of the same Preacher, that thou mayst see how he is like himselfe in all things, and how one blasphemy draweth on another▪ For fol. 168. col. 4. he saith, Altercatio facta est, quis debebat ire ad matrem, nuntiare hanc resurrectionem: Adam dixit, mihi incumbit, &c. The meaning of which words (as also of the rest which ensue touching the same argumēt) is this. It was debated amongst them, who should go to the blessed virgin Christs mother, to signifie her sonnes resurrection: Adam said, that it was his dutie to go; For (said he) I was the cause of the euill, and therfore I ought to be the cause of the contrary good. But Christ answered him, Thou wouldst (haply) tarry by the way to eate figs. Abel said that that office belonged to him: Christ answered, No verily; for thou mayst (perhaps) meet thy brother Cain by the way, who wil kil thee. Noah also offered himselfe, saying, that that honour was due to him: to whom Christ answered, Surely thou shalt not go; for thou louest drinke too well. Iohn Baptist said, I will go: Nay said Christ, thou of all other shalt not go; for thy garment is but of haire. The theefe said, that that office belōged to him: but Christ reiected him; For (said he) thy legs are broken. In the end an Angell was sent, who began to chant it out in this sort, Regina coeli, laetare: Alleluiah▪ Resurrexit sicut dixit, Alleluiah. And straight after came Christ with al the Saints, and the Virgin, &c. There are also sundry other blasphemous speeches as wel in this as in the rest of their iolly Preachers, (though principally in this:) but because those (which now come to my remembrance) are more tollerable, and for that I am not at leisure to seeke after others, I will content my selfe for this present with these aboue mentioned. The texts of Scripture I haue here alleadged, as they are to be found in the vulgar Latin Bible. But with what brazen-faced impudency they were wont to abuse them, shall be shewed hereafter.

8 And now I proceed to those who baspheme God indeed; which vice I said was proper to Church-men: where I aduertised the Reader, that I tooke the word blasphemy in a more generall acception then it is commonly taken, hauing respect to the Greeke Etymology. For as he that vsurpes the Kings crowne (being but his vassall) or sets himselfe in the throne of the kingdome or chaire of estate, doth commit no lesse treason against the maiesty of the Prince, then he that vttereth some contemptible speech derogating from his soueraignety, crowne and dignity: so (doubtles) he that arrogateth to himself diuine power in word or deed, may as properly be called a blasphemer of God. But forasmuch as the signification of the word hath not bin vsually stretched so farre, I wil not greatly stand to argue the case, whether it be lawful to vse it so or no: it shal suffice that I haue shewed vpō what ground I thus vsed it. But if any man shall think that it may more fitly be called high treason against the highest Maiestie, I will not greatly contend with him. Now I would here instance this with examples, but that they are so obuious and ordinary, highwayes so plaine, that a guide were needlesse. For, to say nothing of that man of sinne, who calling himselfe God on earth▪ causeth (as much as in him [Page] lieth) as great homage to be done vnto him as vnto God: are not they (I beseech you) vsurpers of the honour proper onely to God, who take vpon them to consecrate, blesse and absolue? nay to open heauen to some, and shut it against others? Notwithstanding the world (we see) swarmeth with such vermine in all places where the Church of Rome hath lost nothing of her credite. And albeit this kind of blasphemy be peculiar to Church-men (as hath bin said) yet I am not ignorant that Princes also (who of their humane would make a diuine maiestie) may wel be inrolled in this register. But to shew how many wayes they offend in this kind, would be an argument no lesse odious then tedious, and chiefly for me, who by all meanes labour to make speedy dispatch of this present treatise.

CHAP. XXVI. How that as there are stranger sinnes committed at this day then euer before, so God inflicts stranger punishments vpon the authors and inuentors of them.

SAint Augustine among many his memorable sayings, hath one very notable and worthy so excellent an author, viz. that if God should openly punish euery sinne and transgression in this life, it would be thought he reserued no punishment for the last iudgement. On the other side, if he should not inflict open and exemplary punishment vpon some offenders, men wold not beleeue that there were a diuine prouidence. Therefore when we see any breake forth into hainous enormities, and yet to scape scot-free, (at leastwise for aught we know) we should call not onely our religion but our wits also into question, if we should hereupon inferre, that wicked men escape the heauy hand of God, and that their sinnes remaine vnpunished. And verily I cannot but wonder what should be the reason that this point cannot sinke into the heads of Christians, considering the very heathē haue by the dim candle-light of naturall reason attained to this secret of Gods prouidence: as we may see in Plutarch, and in the greatest part of Poets, as namely in certaine verses alleadged by Iustin Martyr. Notwithstanding there is a further point to be marked, viz. that God doth not onely inflict outward or ciuill punishments vpon men, such as magistrates are wont to do▪ but reserueth some to himselfe which the bodily eye cannot see, which he manifesteth when it seemeth good vnto him. These are the exquisite torments and tortures which wicked men endure in their consciences, not for an houre or a day, but for many yeares together. Nay he suffereth oftentimes the worme of conscience to gnaw vpon them almost al their liues long. But if this punishment (may some say) be so secret and hid from the eye of man, how can we reason or speake thereof? Verily to omit infinite testimonies as well in sacred as prophane stories, this hell of conscience discouereth it selfe in sundry persons by his effects, as Physitions do diseases by their symptomes, though neuer so secret and couered ouer with neuer so faire a skin. And as great men in times past were more obnoxious and liable to such distresse of conscience (as stories record of sundry tyrants:) so we see it verified at this day▪ in such as are aduanced to the highest honors, and set (as it were) on the top of fortunes wheele, after they once forget themselues: and how they are necessarily inforced by their continuall cariage and course of life to verifie the old saying, Needs must he feare many, whom many do feare ▪ [Page] whereof we haue a very pregnant proofe and notable example of one in these dayes, who dealt with France for a time, as Diogenes did with his tub, when he rolled it, tumbled & tossed it, ouerturned it, and knocked out the head of it, or rather played at tennis with that kingdome and the King thereof. For what ioy (may we thinke) can he haue to liue (what shew soeuer he make) who feareth nothing more then armes, and yet hath nothing wherein he may put more confidence then in armes? who dare trust no liuing man, nor yet make shew that he distrusteth any? Whose feare, which lodgeth with him at home, accompanieth him also abroade? who is constrained to put no difference betweene friends and foes, but equally suspecteth all? In summe, who the more he thinks vpon the occasions of his feare, the more he hath cause to feare? May we not well thinke that such a man beginneth his hell in this world, in stead of enioying some small pleasure in the remainder of his life? Could a man haue desired of God a better reuenge for his Cretismes, Catelinismes and Phalarismes, then this? But to come to other wicked men, who are not aduanced to so high a degree of honor, but are glad to crouch to such gallants: All men might haue taken notice (at leastwise heard) how the Lieutenant who was graced by a French Poet with the title of Radamanthus, and (who deserued in a double respect to be called Lieutenant criminall) was seized vpon with a grieuous disease (as I heard it reported by the Colledge of Phisitions which had him in cure,) during which sicknesse he had such a serious consideration of his life past, that he lay a long time before any man could perswade him but that he was condemned to be hanged. Alas (said he) I know I haue deserued death: for I haue committed such and such extortion: I had a hand in such and such rapine: I suffered my selfe to be bribed and corrupted by malefactors, to the end they might escape and go vnpunished: I haue too roughly and rigorously intreated poore innocents: to be short, I haue made merchandize of my cōscience euery way. And not cōtent to houer thus in generalities, he came in particular, to name those of whose death he thought himselfe guilty, and to ask them forgiuenesse. At last he remembred that the King had often shewed mercy on malefactors, and thereupon conceiuing some wanne hope, he was euer harping vpon that string. Now albeit they laboured to confirme him in this conceiued hope of pardon, yet he no sooner considered the hainousnesse of his offences, but he was straight driuen from his hold againe, and said, that if the King should once know them, he would neuer pardon him. And in feare of this accursed death (whereunto he thought they were ready to leade him) had this poore patient died, had it not bin for one of his Phisitions who caused a man to come booted and spurred with letters patents in his hand, and to knocke boldly at the doore, and as soone as he was let in, to cry pardon, pardon: which was accordingly performed, yet not without putting him (poore soule) in danger of his life; for hauing heard him knocke in that maner at the gate, he perswaded himselfe that it was the hangman. And though the party suborned knew well enough how to play his part, yet could he scarce make him beleeue that the King had pardoned him. But being brought in the end to beleeue it, & so to pluck vp a good heart, he liued some few daies after. Howbeit ere long he changed this miserable life into a more miserable death, as we shall heare in the sequel of this discourse. In the meane time let the Reader consider in what misery he must of necessity be, who was thus assaulted of his conscience. For then doubtlesse by reason of his disease which distempered his braine and intoxicated his vnderstanding, he shewed himselfe to be the man which in truth he was. And we may well think that the Chancelour of France felt no lesse conflict in conscience, [Page] when lying on his death bed he cryed out, Ah Cardinall, thou hast sent vs all to the Diuell.

2 But I passe from this secret punishment (which we may assure our selues hath seazed vpon many) to that which we see dayly before our eyes. First then, the holy Scripture teacheth vs to acknowledge the hand of God in warres, pestilence and famine, executing his iust iudgements vpon vs for our sinnes. Whereof the preachers (before alleadged) haue not bene vnmindfull to admonish vs. As when Menot saith, Quae est causa quod [...]ames toties regnat super terram, nisi peccata & iniquitates enormes quae nunc regnant? And Barelete, Nonne vidisti temporibus clapsis, Italiam peste percussam? Verè hoc totum propter peccata inaudita hominum & multerū. Further, Menot saith of blasphemers in particular, that God sends them a red rose of Naples. Now then if such punishments be sure and certen testimoners of sinnes raigning in the world, and that they haue increased euen in these dayes: we may hereupon conclude, that sinne is likewise much increased. Howebeit, my purpose is not to insist vpon these ordinarie chastisements, but rather to shew (as the title of this chapter occasioneth me) that as our Age aboundeth with more rare villanies then euer were knowne or heard of in former time: So God inflicts farre stranger punishments vpon men for the same. For proofe herof, how many new & strange diseases are there at this day raging in all places? And surely great reason there is, that as men are not content with the sinnes of their ancestors, but adde new to the old: so God in like manner should not content himselfe with ordinary punishments, but should adde vnto them extraordinary plagues. As he hath punished whoredome of late with that disease which the Frenchmen call the Neapolitane disease, they of Naples and other Italians, the French disease: But such hath bin the frowardnesse of the wicked will of man, that that which should haue bene as a bridle to curbe and keepe him in, hath bene as a spur to prick him forward, especially since there were remedies to cure such maladies. And now the report goeth, that there is a new kind of French poxe, the Quintessence (as it were) of the former, which is simply incurable; which if it be so, we may assure our selues, God would therby teach vs how dangerous a thing it is to harden our hearts against his heauy hand. And may we not well thinke these so many strange maladies (in which Physitions are not onely put to their trumps, but euen at a non plus) such and so many fearefull iudgements which God inflicts vpon the meaner sort by the mighty: and vpon great potentates by poore paysants: so many sundry sorts of death more sodaine and fearefull, yea and often accompanied with greater despaire and rage thē our Ancestors euer saw or heard of, to be new chastisements or rather punishments sent of God? Yes doubtlesse, whereof we might find sundry examples if we would but open our eyes to behold such spectacles, as often as they offer themselues to our viewe. I haue heretofore shewed (where I spake of such as made away themselues) how Bonauenture de Periers (author of that detestable booke called Cymbalum mundi) notwithstanding the pains that his friends tooke in keeping and watching him (for that they saw him in a desperate moode,) was found to haue run vpon his sword, hauing set the pomell to the ground, the point running in at his breast, and out at his backe. I haue further spoken of a secretary of a towne of Switzerland, who pressed with a sence & feeling of his wicked life (hauing made a scape from his keepers) cast himselfe (with Razes) from a high rocke and so dyed; since which time sūdry like stories haue come to my mind. But to omit those who by Gods iust iudgement haue bene their owne executioners; certen it is that there are many who dye in their beds, in no lesse despaire & rage then they: who doubtlesse, [Page] would haue made the like end, if there had not bene a narrow watch set ouer them. The number of which would be found to be great if enquiry were made. But I will here onely speake of certain persecutors, who in the end haue bene pursued (as I may say) and persecuted by the iust iudgement of God, and that vpon the open stage (as it were) in the view of the world. And I will beginne with the Lieutenant Criminall (mentioned in the beginning of this chapter) who being recouered of a dangerous disease wherein he had bene sore troubled in conscience, was shortly after striken with another in his legs (called the wolfe) in such sort that he lost the vse of his limmes, and dyed in the end be [...]traught of his wits, after he had a long time barked (as it were) at God, as the dogge at the Moone, hauing nothing in his mouth but wounds, blood, and blasphemy. The Chancellor and Legate du Prat made no fairer market, notwithstanding his braue hospitall (of which king Francis the first was wont to say, that it was not large enough to lodge so many poore people as he had impouerished. For he died at his Honor of Nantouillet, of a strange disease hauing his stomacke eaten thorow with wormes, not without fearefull cursing of God through extreame impatience, occasioned aswell by extremitie of paine, as through spite and anger to see all his coffers sealed vp before his face: so that he could not refrain but breake forth into these words: See what is gotten by seruing the king with body and soule? This du Prat was the first that put vp a bil in the court of parliament for the detection of heresies, because (as he said) they were full of blasphemy; who also being wearied with that long and tedious suite in the cause of Berquin, gaue out the first commission for the examination, arraignement and condemnation of such as should speake against the Romane religion. And what befell the now deceassed Steuen Poncher Archbishop of Towres, whilst he laboured for the erecting of a new court, called the burning chamber? was he not seazed vpon by a feareful disease called Le feu de Dieu, which began at his heeles, and crept along to his head, so that he was constrained to cut off one limme after another, and in the end dyed miserably, vsing no better language then his fellowes? The like befell one Iohn Ruzé counsellour of the Parliament; who was one of the greatest burners in his time (I mean one that raised the hottest persecutiō against the professors of the Gospel, that they might be brought to the stake) For as he returned from a court which he had kept against them, he was taken with the aforesaid disease in his stomacke and priuie parts, so that he had much ado to get home: the extremity whereof was such, that hauing in a manner burnt vp his entrals, it caused him to end his daies in great misery, the rather for that he did not once acknowledge the iust iudgement of God. And as the vengeāce of God was speedily executed vpō him, so was it also vpō another counsellour of the same court called Claudius des Asses; for the very same day that he had sē tenced a Protestant to fry a fagot, as he was playing the knaue with one of his chā bermaids, he was taken with an Apoplexie in the fact, and so dyed. Likewise one Iohn Andrew, a Stationer (who serued these persecutors and their complices, for a spy) as he was walking for his recreation, was taken with a frenzie which neuer left him to the houre of his deth, which followed shortly after. We reade also of strāge iudgements which befell those that were the chiefe agents in the persecution raised against the poore people of Cabriere and Merindoll; by all which we learne, that those who escape the hands of men, ought alwaies to remember the old Prouerb, He is not escaped that traileth his halter. For verily such wretches (though quit and cleared by earthly Iudges) if we respect diuine Iustice, draw their halters after thē, not onely in this life, but after death also. Which I speake aswell in regard of Iohn [Page]Menier Lord of Oppede, as of others, who were so sentenced for extortion, pilling and polling, spoiling and sacking, violence, and all manner of barbarous and sauadge cruelties which they exercised vpō the inhabitants of those places, contrary to their oathes and promises, and the trust reposed in them; that whereas it was expected that after so many notable pleas & orations in which their knaueries were excellently displaied and laid forth (as it were) in orient colours, such exemplary punishment should haue bene shewed on them, as might remaine a memorial and perpetuall president to posterity: It appeared in the end, that all was nothing but a faire florish for fashion sake. Now albeit they escaped the punishment which Iustice allotted them, through the iniustice of men: yet escaped they not the hand of the Iust Iudge, as hath bene said. Menier and the rest of that rout felt it very fearefully, by a strangury and a disease called Le feu de Dieu, which burnt him from the nauel vpward: which grieuous diseases he bare so patiently, that frō the time they seazed vpon him till the last gaspe, he ceased no to blaspheme and curse his creator; little remembring the examples of many holy Saints and seruants of God whom he had heard singing Halleluiah in the midst of their torments, euen then when he most cruelly butchered them. Neither is there any maruail to be made of this difference, considering hee suffered as a fellon and a murtherer, they as Martyrs. But to omit these cruell cutthroates of the Popish Clergie, who persecuted the poore Protestants of Prouence before the Lord of Oppede came amongst them; there was a Iacobin Frier called de Roma (of whose cruelties I haue spoken somewhat before) who felt the beauy hand of God as well as his fellowes: for vnder colour of his commission (being one of the holy Inquisition) he tyrānized as well ouer the bodies as the goods of those whom he had found to swarue from the Church of Rome, and withdrawing himselfe to Auinion, intended to make merry with the prey and pillage he had brought out of Prouence. But the polling extortioner was spoiled of all that he had by his owne seruants, and brought to extreme beggery: and shortly after fell into a fearfull disease vnknowne to the Physitions which bred vlcers in sundry places of his body so full of crawling wormes that his flesh fell away by peacemeale, stinking so intollerably that no man (no nor yet himself) could endure the smell therof. In the end it grew to that extremity that he desired some man would kil him; and perceiuing that al was but in vain, he offered to lay violent hands vpon himselfe, but finding not how he might put his wicked purpose in execution, he was cōstrained to vndergo his torments vnto the end; not without many outcries or rather howlings, accompanied with cursing & blaspheming the name of God: the common and ordinary refuge for such wicked wretches when they feele themselues ouerwhelmed with dolor and greefe. And here another story comes fitly to my mind, of one who is not wont to be forgotten, when we speake of the iudgements of God, to wit, Petrus Castellanus, in whom we haue as notable an example of diuine Iustice as in any whosoeuer. For hauing bin a zealous professor of the Gospell, in the raigne of king Francis the first, in such sort that he incurred the ill will of the Sorbonists (which he then litle respected, by reason of the great fauour he was in with the foresaid Prince) he turned coate in the raigne of king Henrie the second, because he saw the professors of the Gospell had no countenance in the court: in such sort that a man would little haue thought it had bene he which professed true religion before; and not content to temporize and turne like the wether cocke with euery waft of contrary wind, he went to Orleans (hauing bene newly installed Bishop of that See) to preach against the religion which before he had professed: whither being come, he gaue them two or three [Page] strawbery sermons. And as he was on a time belching out his blasphemies against the truth and his owne conscience, he was taken suddenly with a disease, which made his Lordship come downe after another manner then he went vp. The report goes, that one halfe of his body was as hot as fire, and the other halfe as cold as ice, ioyned with a bloudy flixe, whereof he died not long after, not without many throbs and fearfull grones. I am here to intreat thee (gentle Reader) not to take offence that I point out some men in particular, and describe them by their names, contrary to the course I haue taken almost throughout this whole treatise; desiring thee to remember that I am not the first that haue broken the ice, seeing I deliuer these things but at the second hand, as I find them set downe in three seueral books lately published. I shall further desire thee to consider, that such stories as these, seruing so notably to set forth the iust iudgements of God, ought authentically to be recorded. Notwithstanding I wil spare the naming of two others, for that I find them no where named. One of which (I take it) is yet liuing, who albeit he made profession of the Gospell at the first, yet after he had courted it a while, he did so turne and temporize, so apply and accōmodate himself to the fancies, fashions and humors of the Court, that like Hercules enthralled to Queene Omphale, or Sampson besotted with his Dalila, he was so lulled asleepe in his mistris lap, that he quite lost his former credit & reputatiō: so that he that had heard him, wold litle haue thoght he had bene the man whom God had endued with such exact knowledge in the tongues and arts, that since that time his match could hardly be found. The second is of one who had bene Counseller to the French king Henry the second, and employed by him in sundry Embassages; who giuing a finall farewell to the truth which formerly he had professed (fearing lest it would lie as a blocke in the way to his preferment) lost forthwith his sense and vnderstanding, in such sort that he became a meer sot and a senslesse thing. And we haue had within these few yeares such rare examples of Gods iudgements euen vpon Princes themselues, and of so late and fresh memory that they cannot easily be forgotten, and therfore I spare to name particulars.

3 Now the reason which moued me to alleadge such examples of the iudgements of God as haue befallen persecutors rather then others, is for that such persecution is proper and peculiar to these dayes and times: wherein crueltie and all kind of impietie like a great deluge haue broken the bankes, and ouerflowed in more fearfull maner then euer before: whereof we haue seene what hath bene the issue and euent, and God grant that it may be both the beginning and the end of all such tragedies and turbulent garboiles.

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THE SECOND PART OF THE PREPARATIVE TREATISE TO THE APOLOGY FOR HERODOTVS.

ANCHORA SPEI

LONDON, Imprinted for IOHN NORTON. 1607.

TO THE HONORABLE KNIGHT SIR ROBERT RICH, AND TO THE VVORTHY GENTLEMAN Maister Henry Rich his brother: sonnes to the right honorable the Lord RICH.

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HAuing no other meanes out of my small fortunes to do you honor (right worshipful and worthy Gentlemen) and to make your worthinesse knowne to the world, but only this paper present: J do here (according to my long intended purpose) present you with the second part of Stephens Apologie: desiring it may remaine with you as a pledge and testimony of my thankefulnesse, for the continuall flow of your manifold fauours (farre aboue the proportion of my deserts) and as an earnest of that propense mind and vnfained affection which J beare to your house and name. The worke you may iustly chalenge at my hands by a double right. First in that it was begun at my honorable good Lord your fathers house in Essex: where being destitute of other bookes, and knowing not how to passe those long nights with better recreation: at your entreaty together with my entire friend Monsieur Beaufort (thē your schoolmaster for the French tongue, and now Doctour of Physicke in Basil) I first vndertook the work: beginning (as you know) [...], with the second part in the first place. Secōdly in that it is done by him who oweth himselfe and all he can do, to your loue and seruice. But as the first borne among the Jewes had a double portion; so you Sir Robert haue a double [Page] right herein aboue your brother. First, in that your helping hand hath not bene wanting to the worke, in translating (at my motion, and for your owne recreation) the 36▪ Chapter: which without any great filing or fourbishing of mine, went to the presse as it came from your pen: being done so faithfully according to the French, and so fitly and finely in regard of the English phrase, that J feare nothing so much, as lest (like a peece of veluet in a beggars coate) it should shame the residue of the worke. And this I both should and would haue seconded with your other translation of D. Tylenus his confutation of the Bishop of Eureux (which you left with me when you left the Vniuersitie) but that it was preuented by a worse. Secondly, in that you were not onely Primus motor, the man that first set it on foote; but also [...], and he that kept it still on the wheeles. For had I not bene first moued by you, it had neuer bin begun (at least by me:) and had you not so often called vpon me, as well by word as writing, it had lyen still in loose leaues as an idle toy, fitter to be [...]udibrium venti, or meate for the mothes, then matter for the Presse. They therefore that shall reape either profite or pleasure by this my translation, are to thanke you for your good motion, without which it had neuer seene the light of the Sun. And thinke not (M. Henry) that you are here excluded; for as it was begun, so was it also finished with special respect to your intended trauaile, that it might furnish you with matter for discourse, in keeping complement at the French Court, whither you haue bene so often sent for by your respectiue God-father his Maiestie of France. To you both therefore I send it, as well to do you honor, as to receiue honor frō you. Yet know this, that paper praises (being nothing but the wind of mēs words) can neither eternize your name, nor blazon your fame to posteritie (as that proud pedanticke thought,Appion Grā matic. who promised immortalitie [Page] to those to whom he dedicated any of his works.) Vertue onely and valour are the highway to true Honor; which Marcellus signified by the two Temples which he dedicated to the Goddesses Vertue and Honour, being so contriued, that no man could enter into the Temple of Honour, but he that had first gone through that of Vertue. And the truth hereof may appeare in the glasse of these examples: For these foure worthies of the world, Alexander, Caesar, Augustus, Constantine, of whose names cities were built and moneths denominated, continue famous euen to this day. And so long as the two moneths in the yeare, Iuly and August; and those two renowned cities, Alexandria and Constantinople remaine, their memory shal neuer perish. Whereas Nero, Commodus, and such like monsters,Suet. in N [...] rone, cap [...]5. Aurel. Vict. de Caesarib. c. 17. & Eutrop. [...]i. 6 who attempted the like (the first laboring to haue April called Neronius; the second, September Commodus) haue fallen to the very counterpoint of that they aymed at, dying like a candle which leaueth the snuffe stinking after it; being now no way famous but by the infamy of their wicked liues. And what can be said of the Kings of France called the idle, saue onely this, that they haue left nothing memorable, but that they left no memorie? The like inglorious end cannot but befall all those who either with the idle drone eate more then they earne; or waste the candle in idle play, which was allowed to haue lighted them to bed. This I speake not as taking vpon me to schoole you, or to reade you a lecture as if you were still in the Vniuersitie; but in dutie to your Father (to whom J am so infinitely indebted for his honorable fauours) and in loue to your persons, to encourage you on in a good course, by adding fuell to the fire, and oyle to the flame: that as you are rich in name and in outward goods, but more rich in those of the body, so you may be most [Page] rich in those of the mind, and so be true inheritors not onely of your Fathers name and goods, but also of his vertues, in being the shadow of his mind; making his example and honorable courses the Cynosura by which you are to direct your course. For (doubtlesse) in so doing you shall not onely auoid Scylla and Charybdis, those dangerous rocks and deuouring gulfes which lie in your way, where so many are either swallowed vp, or suffer ship-wracke, (you know what J meane:) but arriue in the end at the hauen of eternall happinesse. And there J leaue you.

Your Worsh. most affectionate, R.C.

THE SECOND PART OF THE PREPARATIVE TREATISE TO THE APOLOGIE FOR HERODOTVS.

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The Preface.

I Proceed now to prosecute the second part of this present Apologie. For hauing in the beginning of this Discourse propounded to handle these two things; first the reuerend opinion which some had of antiquitie: secondly, the base conceit that others had thereof. And hauing shewed how the former did honour and reuerence it, in regard of the vertuous liues and valorous deeds of their auncestors; and how the latter (on the contrary) had it in high scorne and disdaine, in regard of their rudenesse and simplicitie, I thought it not impertinent (the better to content and satisfie the Reader) to alleadge some few examples, by which he might see, as in a crystal, the particulars which I vndertooke to demonstrate. And hoping I haue sufficiently acquit my selfe, touching the former point (as hauing shewed how farre the wickednesse of these times doth exceed and go beyond that of former ages in sundry things) it remaineth I should endeuour the like in the second: which when I shall haue fully finished, I hope I shall haue made a reasonable good preparatiue to the Apologie for Herodotus. But how (may some say) can these particular instances and allegations sufficiently serue to winne credit and authoritie to Herodotus his history, cōsidering they consist of moderne examples, borrowed partly from this, and partly from the Age last past? Marke therefore my answer, which will further shew the scope which I ayme at. Albeit we find strange stories in Herodotus, which seeme to some altogether incredible, partly because they cannot conceiue how men should be so notoriously wicked and prophane; partly because it will not sinke into their heads, that euer any were so rude and rusticall: yet I doubt not, but when I shall haue decyphered the villanies of this Age, how transcendēt they are, in comparison of former times; we shal haue iust cause to say, that as we haue seene sundry strange things in this last centenary of the world, which were not knowne nor heard of in the former (much lesse in the ages before) and yet are such as we cannot call into question (except we wil distrust our senses, as hauing bin eare-witnesses and eye-witnesses thereof:) so we are not to thinke but that the age in which Herodotus liued, and the precedent, had some proper and peculiar to themselues, which would not haue bin thought so incredible, had we liued in those dayes. I affirme the like of the second point, assuring my selfe that when I shall haue shewed how those that liued in the age last past, were not [Page] onely simple, but also rude and rusticall in comparison; all men of iudgement wil easily grant, that as we cānot doubt of the rusticitie of our late forefathers, it being so authentically witnessed (though otherwise perhaps it might seem incredible:) so neither are we to thinke but that they which liued so many hundred yeares ago had their clownishnesse proper to themselues, which would not haue bin thought so incredible (as now it is) had we bin their next successors; seeing we might haue had it confirmed by infallible testimonies. Now this argument my purpose is to handle generallie, to the end it may serue as a preparatiue to the Apologie for Herodotus, till I haue more time and leisure, as also better meanes and oportunitie to handle it more distinctly, and to find out moderne examples to sute and parallele those which seeme so strange in this our Historian.

2 But what? (may some say) should a man thinke those stories in Herodotus to be incredible, onely in regard of the two former reasons, viz. their notorious villany, and sottish simplicity? No verily: for many mens incredulity proceeds from a third cause, viz. in that they consider not the great change and alteration which is to be seene almost in euery thing since those times: but would haue the naturall disposition of men in diebus illis, and their course of life so to sute ours, as that they should take pleasure in those things wherein we take pleasure: and contrarily, that whatsoeuer disliketh vs, should haue bin distastfull vnto thē. And (which is more) they would find an agreement and correspondence betweene the estates of ancient kingdomes and common wealths, with those at this day. Nay, some are so inconsiderate in reading of ancient stories, that they measure the climates of forrein and farre remote countries by their owne. No maruell therefore if finding such discord and disagreement in all these things, they iudge auncient stories to be as farre from truth, as the things they reade are differing from those they dayly heare and see. Knowing therefore this to be a third reason why many can hardly subscribe vnto them, I haue reserued for it the third part of this treatise. But I am to intreate thee (gentle Reader) to giue me leaue to omit that for the present, which my occasions will not permit me to annexe, not doubting but I shall giue thee a specimen hereof in the Preface which I am to prefixe before this present worke.

CHAP. XXVII. How some Poets (contrary to the current) haue preferred their owne age before the former, as being much more ciuill, and of farre better grace.

THe sighes of Hesiod, and groanes of Tibullus, vttered in the depth of their discontent, in dislike of the customes and fashions of their times, haue bin sufficiently witnessed before by their verses: wherein they affirme (as we haue heard) that they had bin happy men, if they had bin borne before: whereas they thought themselues wretched and miserable, in being borne in so bad a time. But what shall we say of those who contrarily thinke themselues happy, in that they were borne in so good a time: good (I say) in regard of the former. For what saith Ouid?

Prisca iuuent alios, ego nunc me denique natum,

Gratulor: haec aetas moribus apta meis.

[Page]Let others praise the times and things forepast,

I ioy my selfe reserued till the last.

This age of all doth best my humour fit.

Where though he crosse and contrary Hesiod and Tibullus in his wish and desire, yet he concurres with them in the cause thereof. For the reason which made them wish they had bin borne in some other age, was the exceeding great loosenesse & leudnesse of their owne. On the other side, the reason why Ouid contented himself with his owne, and preferred it before the former, was not because there was lesse wickednesse and impietie, but greater vrbanitie and ciuilitie. For he saith expresly,

Sed quia cultus adest, nec nostros mansit in annos

Rusticitas priscis illa superstes auis.

And if I were to prosecute this argument, I might particularize wherein his age was more ciuill then the former, and namely then those which came nearest to that of old dreaming Saturne, as Poets speake. I might also draw out a long thread of a little flaxe, and shew how mens wits haue bin more and more sharpened, refined, and (as it were) sublimated from time to time. Whence it cometh to passe that they haue had a further insight into the workes they tooke in hand, and haue dayly added something vnto them, to perfect and polish them the better, so that antick words and workmanship seeme to be but rude and rusticall in comparison. But if I should further proceed in handling of this argument, I should but intangle my selfe in an endlesse labyrinth: it shall suffice therefore, if (according to my former promise) I compare the age last past with this wherein we liue: yet not taking vpon me curiously to scan euery point of this comparison; but after I haue handled some of lesse moment, to come to the maine and most materiall point of all, which deserueth a farre more ample and large discourse. Howbeit I am first to performe my former promise, and to alleadge certaine French phrases, whereby we expresse the base conceit we haue of Antiquitie, and that for the same reason for which Ouid saith, Prisca iuuent alios. I say then that besides this French phrase, Fait à l'antique, or fait à la vieille mode, that is, made after the old fashion, by which we signifie a thing to be made rudely or inartificially, (though fait à l'antique be sometimes vsed without scorne or contempt, according as the subiect is whereof we speake) we haue other phrases whereby we declare the conceit which we haue of the rusticitie and clownishnesse of ancient times. For when we say, Cela se faisoit au temps iadis, that is, This was made in old time: our meaning is, that it is out of vse, and quae obsoleuit (as the Latins speake) and such as at this day would seeme but rude and rusticall. But this phrase Du temps des hauts bonnets, that is, when high hats were in vse, or when high bonnets were in request, seemes to haue had his originall from the rude and clownish apparell then in vse, though it specifie but one particular: as if we should say, When men arayed themselues so clownishly, or, when men had not the wit to chuse a fashion fit and easie for them. This likewise is spoken in way of derision, Du temps que les bestes parloyent, In old time when beasts spake: as if we shou [...]y, In old time when there were such sots, that a man might haue perswaded them that beasts could speake. Which is spoken (I take it) in regard of Aesops fables, which were then turned into our mother tongue. We say also, Du temps qu'on se cachoit pour prester de l'argent: When men hid themselues to lend money: which (though it be spoken in way of derision as the former) is an argument rather of simplicitie then of rusticitie. For they (doubtlesse) were very simple, who in stead of lending their mony before witnesses, and taking a bond of their debters before publick notaries (as the maner is now) lent it [Page] in secret; more respecting the borrowers credit, that it might not be knowne he stood in need, then their owne security. And therefore it may well be numbred among the prouerbiall sentences formerly spoken of in the beginning of this treatise, which shew the great good opinion generally conceiued of the fidelitie of men in former times. Besides all which, we haue these three prouerbiall sentences spoken of Kings: Du temps que les Rois se mouchoient à leur manche: that is, When Kings wiped their noses on their sleeues: or, Du temps que les Rois faisoyent de leur manche [...]vn mouchoir: that is, When Kings made handkerchieues of their sleeues. And, Du temps que les Rois estoyent bergers: that is▪ When Kings were shepheards. And, Auant que les Rois sortissent hors de page: that is, Before that Kings came out of their minoritie. The last of which is in some sort proper to the Kings of France. For King Lewis the eleuenth was the first (as the French story saith) that cashiered the Lord Potectour, and disanulled the law of Minority: shewing his heires and successours how they might commaund Kings, and say, Sic volo, sic iubeo. The first of these, viz. When Kings wiped on their sleeues, is somewhat harsh and lesse in vse: giuing vs to vnderstand, that Kings in old time were so sordid and slouenly, that they would not sticke to play the pranke that children are wont to do when they cannot find their handkerchieues: or because they would make short worke, and not be all the day in blowing their noses. For my part I make no question but that it is an hyperbolicall speech, which I cannot affirme of the second, viz. when Kings were shepheards: and if I should, I might easily be confuted by infinite authorities. True it is indeed, there are few Kings to be found who haue bin shepheards: howbeit many haue bin grasiers, and haue gotten their chiefest wealth and riches thereby. And our historian telleth vs in his eight booke, that though Kings in old time had but small store of mony, yet they had great store of cattle, wherewith they vsed to traffick. Where he also speaketh of a Queene who played the cooke, and wrought pastry worke with her owne hands. How euer it were, we reade of a Cardinall of Auinion who knew well how to make vse of this prouerbe, in answering a King of France like for like. For when the King (seeing the Persian pompe of the Popes Court, and the pride of the Cardinals) asked him whether the Apostles euer went with such a traine after them? he answered, No verily: but you must consider sir (quoth he) that they were Apostles the same time that kings were shepheards.

CHAP. XXVIII. Of the rudenesse and rusticitie of our Ancestors in sundry things.

AS there be some Poets who commend former times, and extoll them to the skies, in the meane time speaking basely of their owne; and others contrarily who (in other respects) make greater reckoning of their owne age then of the former: so we cannot but heare how old men praise the good dayes and times which they had in their youth, in comparison of the present: whereas the yonger sort make no account of any age but of their owne. Now if we consider the reasons which moued them to thinke and speake in [...] sort, we shall find that they did it vpon the same ground and for the same consideration. For as they who so highly honored [Page] and extolled antiquitie, did it in regard of vertue and valour, then farre greater without comparison, then at this day; and they on the contrary which had it in such contempt, did scorne it in regard of the rudenesse and rusticitie which then raigned: so (doubtlesse) the thing for which old men either do or can with any colour preferre times past before the present, is the simplicitie and fidelity of those times. Whereas youth at this day esteeme rather their owne age then any other, for that they see greater cunning and dexteritie, and a more ciuill and vrbane kind of life. So that if any shall say, that when old men speake of the good times which they haue seene, they vnderstand it not onely in regard of that honest, simple and plaine dealing which was then vsed, but in other respects also, I will not greatly contend; so they grant withall, that they did it principally in that regard. For when Horace (describing the qualities of an old man) saith that he is

—Laudator temporis acti,

Se puero▪ censor, castigator (que) minorum.

That is,

Of his yong times a man of large report,

A sharpe controller of the yonger sort.

His meaning (no doubt) is to signifie the vsuall speech of old men, viz. that all things stood in better termes in their yonger yeares: and that there was not such excesse and riot in the world as is to be seene at this day. Which they speake as being of opinion that the world waxeth dayly worse and worse: and hereupon wold rule and square, not onely the manners, but also the actions of the yonger sort accordingly. For if an old man speake of the youth of these times, he will tell you that it is no wonder to see so many mischiefes raging in the world, and that we are not to looke for such golden dayes as he hath seene; the world being cleane changed and turned vp side downe, so that he can hardly remember what he hath seene. And he will especially inuey and declaime against pompe and brauery in apparell, and delicate fa [...]e▪ which he will affirme to be farre greater now then it was in times past; and that it is the cause of the dearth and scarcitie we now see: as also of many outrages and misdemeanours, and that it maketh men more effeminate. Nay they proceed sometime further, in making the youth of those times petty Saints, when they say (as the author of the Courtier doth relate it with excellent good grace) Io haueua vent' anni che ancor dormiua con mia madre, & mie sorelle: ne seppi iui à gran [...]tempo che cosa fossero donne: & hora fanciulli non hāno à pena asciutto il capo, che sanno piu malitie che in que tempi non sappeano gli homini fatti. That is: I lay with my mother and sisters till I was twenty yeare old, and knew not of a long time what manner of creature a woman was: whereas children now scarce crept out of the cradle, know mo knacks of knauery then men of yeares did in times past. Now as old men exceed the bounds of truth, by running so far into one extreme: so shall we likewise, if we deny that they had not reason to complaine of a bad change, the world still declining from better to worse. To conclude then, we will easily graunt these gray beards, that in their yonger yeares the world was not so wicked: so that they yeeld to our greene heads, that it was more rude and rustical; and that it was not so wittie, because it was not so wicked.

2 But lest they should say that my tongue runneth at randon: I will instance it by examples. And because there is nothing, which we make greater account of, or iudge more necessary for our bodies, then foode to nourish them, and raiment to cloth them; and therefore are not onely carefull but euen [...] prouiding such necessaries: I wil enter discourse of them in the first place [...] [...]ouching the first, [Page] therefore (because I take it for a confessed truth, that our ancestors neuer shewed themselues more curious in their diet, then many countreyes at this day,) I shall desire the reader not to take it amisse, if I compare some of their customes and fashions, with those in vse at this present. And first I will beginne with one which is so common and ordinary, that children of tenne or twelue yeares of age may well remember it: and if I shold say that it were yet practised in some places of France, I should not (it may be) speake without my booke. It is a foolish custome taken vp by certaine gentlemen, who to the end they may cunningly deceiue and finely fetch ouer their seruants, cause their table to be furnished at the first seruice, with I know not what fryed fritters, hotchpotches, sippets, sauces, and gallymalfrayes: and then with store of Mutton, Veale, and boūsing peeces of Beefe, which peeces of Beefe they will rather feed vpon, then vpon any other dish. And after that the stomacke hath reuenged his quarrell vpon such grosse meates, they serue in Capon, Chicken, Pigeon, and wild foule. Yet not all in one course: for they keepe Partridge, Phaysant and other dainties, for the last seruice; the stomacke being not onely satisfied, but euen closed vp. So that it is great pittie to see how the seruitors (poore soules) are glad to eate such meates, as their stomackes were neuer accustomed vnto, and to leaue their ordinary fare for their masters and mistresses. I mean how they are to take the paines to eate the finer meates, as wild foule, and venaison, and to leaue the grosser for them. What then can the old man answer, Laudator tēporis acti se puero? Or what can he say (trow we) to defend or excuse the rusticity of former times? (for in that I call those that vsed this seemely seruice, but rude and rusticall, I fauour them much.) And were it not that I am afraid I should be ouer troublesome, I would gladly aske them yet another question, touching Partridge, & such like foule, viz. Whether those men had noses or not? and if they had, what noses they were, when they could find no goodnesse in wild foule, and venaison, except it were tainted a litle, that is, (to speake plaine English) except it stunke a little, this stincke seeming to them to be [...] of venaison?

3 But now to proceed to the fashions of other countryes, which haue bene (perhaps) practised alike by our ancestors, as hath bene said. Albeit then there be no French-man to be found at this day, if he be of the right stamp, and haue wherwith to maintain himself, who hath so bad a tast, but can put a difference between tender and tough flesh: yet it were a wonder (I had almost said a miracle) to see a German who neuer trauailed abroad, that either obserued or cared to obserue this difference. For example, Ne gallina malum responset dura palato, as Horace speaketh: that is, lest the pullets flesh should be ouer tough, and vnpleasant to the tast, the Frenchman who hath no leasure to kill it a day or two before, that it may wax tender of it selfe, will haue twenty deuises besides those mentioned in Horace. But when he shall leaue France his natiue countrey, and come into Germanie, he will not a little wonder to see a pullet (or some cocke of the game, for want of a better) serued to the table, which he had heard crowing in the court but halfe an houre before: which shalbe killed, plumed, and boiled, al in the sodainnesse of an instant. If our ancestors then (not to speake of Germans) haue done the like, may we not truly say that they were very rude and rusticall? Except some proctor shall haply plead for them, and tell vs that their stomackes were hotter then ours; so that they could disgest meate halfe raw, as well as we can flesh thorowly rosted, boiled, or baked. But Phisitians, which liued in those dayes, witnes the contrary. This therefore may serue for an instance of cookerie or dressing of meates. Let vs see another in the choise of them: choice I say, not of diuers sorts of meates, but of the same [Page] kind. And here (doubtlesse) we shall find many masters, whom Galen might as wel laugh at, as he did at those suiters which courted Penelope (as Homer recordeth) for eating the great villanous swine, and leauing the yong pigs for their seruants. For considering the common saying in euery mans mouth, Yong flesh, and old fish: had not our auncestors small wit (in comparison) to eate the old dam, and to leaue the yong? to eate the old Partridge and to leaue the brood? to eate the old Hare, and not so much as once to touch the leuerets? Notwithstanding whatsoeuer can be spoken of our forefathers in this behalfe, may truly be affirmed of many countries at this day. For when I was at Venice I heard certaine noble men affirme, that they had learned of the French Kings Embassadour sent to the State, that young partridges and leuerets were very good meate. And I remember, the Lord Conrade Resch told me, how that being at Basil, and demaunded by certaine Switzers what he would do with those leuerets which were brought him for a present; answered that he would make distilled water for the gout: which they (simple soules) did verily beleeue. I might here also speake of the [...]-like rusticks, who taking pigs eares and pigs skins, the rumpe, pinion▪ and neck of geese, (which Frenchmen call la petite oye, the goose giblet) as also calues and sheeps feet, with capons liuers, and such like garbage; of all these put together, make a hotchpotch or gallimalfray: wronging themselues as well in this as in other things. But if I should enter discourse hereof, I doubt I should not be beleeued: and I feare me this argument would be thought too homely and base, and so would derogate from the graue and serious matters contained in this booke.

4 To come therefore to the rusticitie which our ancestors bewrayed in their apparell, of which the pictures and statues yet extant, do giue sufficient testimony. Were it not a goodly sight to see a man bigguined with a hood vpon his head, like a great flasket, and a string vnder the chin: (a fashion not yet altogether worne out of vse:) or one with a high hat like a spire steeple, or like a Turkish Or tolibant [...] turbant, or a crosse-bow, or a Switzers swearing swaggering cap; of that bignesse, that of so much cloth a man might make (as the fashion is now) three or foure? Were it not (I beseech you) a seemly sight to see the fine feature of my finicall fellow & gentle Iack braggard, when he hath put on his iacket reaching a full handfull below his knees, being of that size that a man might make a cassock and a paire of bases of it, or a great riding hood after the Spanish fashion? And were it not as goodly a sight to see, not onely all his neck, but often all the vpper parts of his shoulders and his brest also bare by reason of his fond fantasticall apparel indented like a half Moon? And as for women, had not Madame N. With her great gaping gorget. à la grand gorre (as Preachers in those dayes were wont to speake) a very good grace, when she had her gowne on, the very sleeues whereof were large enough to make a whole one? And was it not as goodly a sight to see their long tailes tucked vp, or trailing along, and sweeping the Church as they went? And if we speake of base botchery, were it a comely thing to see a great Lord or a King weare sleeues of two parishes, one halfe of woosted, the other of veluet? or a dublet of three parishes, the backe and forepart of halfe woosted, the vpper part of the sleeue of skin, and that toward the hand of veluet? True it is indeed, the forebody had a guard of veluet of some two fingers broade, which because it had neuer a whit on the back, was called Nichil au dos, a word which hath gone currant in many mens mouthes, who vnderstanding not the originall thereof, haue pronounced it Nichilodo, and applied it generally to all such things whose inside is not answerable to the outside, though especially to apparel: as at this day those peticoates or saueguards which haue only the forepart of stuffe [Page] and the rest of linnen cloth, or such like, (as some gentlewomen vse to weare) may in this sence be called peticoates à la nichilodo. But, as it were to be wished that this were our gentlewomens worst huswifery; so we must needs grant, that (considering those times) there was no great hurt in such botchery. In speaking whereof I haue extended my discourse as farre as Ouid hath done his, in his verses formerly alleadged; where he doth not onely affirme that his age brought vp a more ciuill cariage and course of life, but euen court-like and magnificent in outward comportment, such as was not to be seene in former time; as indeed they go hand in hand, for the most part. Notwithstanding we are not ignorant how many mischiefes and miseries attend vpon brauery, and what benefit hath accrewed to the weale publike by meanes of frugalitie. We reade in the French story how certaine of the Nobility of France sent two messengers to king Charles the sixt, to informe him of the change and alteration that had bin in the state since the dayes of his father Charles the fift; among other things, how much the expences of his house exceeded his fathers expences: but the maine matter for which they complained, was, for that the Chācelor had spent twenty pounds in apparel in one yeare, which he had purloyned out of the kings treasure: which was iudged so hainous an offence, that he fearing to vndergo the penalty, was glad to flie his country. I leaue it therefore to thy iudgement (gentle Reader) to consider how much the world is growne more miserable at this day, with all his pompe and prodigality, then it was in former time with all his frugalitie. For it is now come to this passe, that a paltry companion will not sticke to bestow ten pounds (or very neare) vpon one onely paire of bre [...]ches. Notwithstanding if all things be duly considered, it may wel be doubted whether that which is called botchery, may fitly be termed frugalitie or not, seeing that when they would not be at the cost to weare sleeues of veluet, they made farre more vaine and needlesse expences.

5 Concerning the attiring & trimming of the body, was it not a goodly sight to see a man with a close shauen beard, weare a great perriwig, bien esperlucat, that is, finely frezled? for that is the word which was then in vse, and is to be found euen in Menot himselfe, in stead of the Latin word calamistratus. And so in the rime made by a bon compagnon, long before Menots time, we reade these verses,

Plus fringant & esperlucat,

Et cent fois plus gay que Perot,

O [...] le valet d'vn Auocat.

That is,

More spruce and nimble, and more gay to seene,

Then some Atturneys Clarke▪ or George a Greene.

And how should we excuse their rudenesse & simplicitie, in taking such paines to nourish that which putteth thē to greater? For who is so simple, that knoweth not, I say not the inconueniences, but the diseases which are caused by these long perriwigs? And yet some there are who take a pleasure and pride in them. But whether a beard become a man well or not, I appeale to those who are as much ashamed of themselues that they haue none, as a dog that hath lost his taile. For proofe wherof I report my selfe to these verses:

—Turpis sine frondibus arbor,

Turpis equus nisi colla iuba flauentia velent:

Pluma tegit volucres, ouibus sua lana decor [...] est,

Barba viros, hirt [...] (que) decent in corpore setae.

Notwithstanding all this, the poore Crucifixes then in vse, were constrained to accommodate [Page] themselues to the humors of those times. For falling into the hands of such as wore their beards shauen, there was no remedie, they must haue their beards shauen in like manner. And meeting with other good fellowes, who chose rather to weare a tuft or two in stee [...] of a beard, they also must haue the like. Whereas being in those countreys where men vse to weare their beards tyed to their girdles, or reaching down to their knees, they must of necessity follow the fashion, though sore (God knowes) against their wils. For euery man would haue his Crucifix hold that fashion comly, which himselfe thought comly. This is the reason of the sundry sorts of Crucifixes that are to be seene at this day.

6 But let me not forget their manner of building whereby they depriued themselues almost of all those commodities, which we desire to haue (and that not without iust cause) in our buildings: and I had almost said, that they imprisoned themselues in their houses, in making them like prisons or dungeons. For whereas they cared not what their buildings were, so that they had thicke and strong wals, in the meane time th [...]y depriued themselues of the benefit of the light, for want of wit to make such windowes as are in vse at this day. Besides, they made them strait and narrow, whereas they might haue made them large and broad: and with many holes like rats nests, in steed of a number of lightsome, large and pleasant lights: and to foresee that one house might not ouertop or drop vpō another, or that their neighbours might not ouerlooke them, was a thing nothing regarded. And touching the house which cannot so honestly be named as it is necessarily vsed, they haue not followed nature, in setting it in a fit place. For whereas nature hath remoued the basest and most vnseemly parts of the body furthest from the sight & smell; they contrarily set it to the open view, of purpose (as it were) to be seene.

7 And when we compare the workemanship vsed in old time, with that which is to be seene at this day, can we say that those artisans had any wit in their heads? For who so shall marke the fairest cupboord or bedstead made in those dayes, will (doubtlesse) iudge it to be rather Carpenters then Ioyne [...] worke. And he that shall obserue their Iron works which are to be seene in cupboords, chests, or dores, may well doubt whether lockesmithes in former time vsed files or not, or rather what fashioned files they had. For we may well perceiue, they haue bene filed, yet nothing so smoothly and artificially as at this day. True it is indeed (to make amends for this defect) they were no niggards in bestowing cost vpon their worke; I meane in enriching it with compartements and such like ornaments, though neither barrell better Herring. This I must need [...] say, that whereas men are now a dayes very sparing in bestowing cost vpon their buildings: they thē lauished it out (as it were) for the heauens, as if it had cost them nothing. Witnesse the harnesse then in vse, which was so ponderous, that a man hauing it vpon his back, was vnfit almost for any seruice: wheras it is now not halfe so weighty, and yet of pistol proof. The like may be said of murrions or head peeces; I mean such harnesse and headpeeces, as were made since the inuention of harquebuzes: for before the inuention of guns, men contented themselues, if they had them of the thicknesse of iron plates. And to speake somewhat of our common and ordinary weapons, would not one of their swords make three of ours? And are there not some swords to be seene, the very handle of one of which is heauier then any two vsed at this day, blade and all? which notwithstanding are both easier for cariage, and more commodious for defence.

8 And what shall we say of the phrase & manner of pronuntiation vsed by our ancestors? what eares had they (may we think) who could with patientce endure [Page] to heare Mon frere Piarre, my brother Pete [...]? Mō frere Robart, my brother Robart, La place Maubart, The place Maubart? And yet the French Poet Villon (one that writ as eloquently as any in those dayes) speaketh so. This may serue for an instance of their Dorick dialect in taking delight to speake broadly, much like the Dorians among the Grecians, and the Sauoyards among the French. There are another sort of simper-de-cockets, who counterfet puppets, in speaking so finely that they wil scarce open their mouthes; for making conscience to say François, Anglois, they say Francés, Anglés. Nay, there are some Courtiers which affect this nice pronunciation, following certain fine mincing minions rather then reason. For certes this prety kind of puppet-parley was first taken vp by women, who feared to open their mouthes too wide in saying François, Anglois. How euer it be, I perswade my selfe, that neither they nor their followers are able to giue any better reason of this their pronunciation, then the gentlewoman of Sauoy could giue of her singing magnificet in stead of magnificat; who thought by this meanes to shun the fault of her country dialect in pronouncing A in stead of E. Neither can these fine finicall affecters alleadge the Italian tongue (which saith Francese & Francesi) to warrant their pronunciation: except they will do this wrong to their owne language, to say that it hath borrowed from the Italian. Italians indeed vse to say Inglese and Inglesi; but herein doubtlesse they imitate vs, as not being able to iudge whether we speake well or ill, purely or corruptly.

9 Further, our auncestors haue bin as grosse and absurd in their words and phrases, as in any of the premises. And verily considering the notorious absurdities committed at this day by such as will needs be too fine in their affected phrases (or rather foolishly finicall) they seeme to me very pardonable. For we haue so purged and pruned the dead and rotten branches from the tree of the old French tongue, that we haue lopped off the good together with the bad. And then like bad husbands haue gone a begging (or borrowing) that of our neighbours which we had growing in our owne orchyards (yea better then they had any) if we would haue taken the pains to haue sought it out: as I haue shewed more at large in my Conformitie of the French tongue with the Greeke.

10 And how cunning and expert they were in making fine and well framed orations in their grosse gibbridge, may appeare by the stories of those times. As for their rimes (I meane their rythmes) it is a world to see how rude and rusticall they were. For they neither cared for rime nor reason, neither regarded they how hoblingly they ranne, seeing they neuer respected the number of feet: which is the lesse to be wondered at, considering that Marot himselfe in his first Poems, playd the rimester at all aduenture, knowing neither section nor caesure, nor yet obseruing the difference betweene E masculine and E feminine. And verily most of the rimes clouted together (I cannot say composed) in ancient time, seem to haue bin made of purpose to moue laughter, those especially which are of this straine:

Priez pour Martin Preudom,

Qui a fait faire ceste vie,

Que Di [...]u [...] face pardon,

En rime & en tapisserie.

That is,

All good folke pray world without end,

For Martin Preudom that made this legend:

That he of God moght pardon'd be,

Both in good rime and tapistrie▪

[Page] For the author of this goodly A quatrain or staffe of soure ver [...]es. tetrastich, was so simple, that he thought his straining of himselfe to make rime doggrell, would be a sufficient excuse for him, though he spake ridiculously and without reason, viz. that God would pardon him in rime and tapistrie. Another old Elderton and right baladin-rimester made no bones to conclude an Epitaph in this sort:

Et mourut quatre cens & neuf,

Tout plein de vertu comme vn oeuf.

That is,

And dy'de in the yeare foure hundreth and nine,

Full (as an egge) of grace diuine.

The like good grace had most of their Latin rimes, especially their Epitaphs, as namely this which followeth:

Qui iacet intus,

Fuit Carolus Quintus:

Dic pro illo bis vel ter,

Aue Maria, & Pater noster.

But it is now high time we should speake of their rudenesse in matters of greater consequence, namely in the maine point mentioned before, which is the saluation of mens soules.

CHAP. XXIX. Of the grosse and blockish ignorance of the Popish Cleargie, especially of the Masse-priests.

IN the former Chapter we might plainly see the grosse and palpable ignorance of the former Age. Notwithstanding though it had bene ten times greater then it was (if it had bene possible,) yet so long as the Cleargy had not their parts therein, in being as blind bayards as the rest, the poore peoples case had not bene halfe so lamentable: whereas the most brutish and blockish ignorance was to be found in Friers cowles, especially in the Masse-monging priests. Which we are the lesse to wonder at, considering that which Men [...]t twits them in the teeth withall, that in stead of bookes, there was nothing to be found in their chambers but a sword, or a long bow, or a crosbow, or some such weapon. Sed nunc (saith he) quid in cameris Sacerdotum reperietis? An expositionem Epistolarum, aut Postillam super Euangelia? Non: Faceret eis malum in capite magister Nicolaus de Lyra. Quid ergo? Vnum arcum, vel balistam, spatham, aut aliud genus armorum. But how could they send ad ordos such ignorant asses? You must note (Sir) that they which examined them were as wise woodcocks as themselues, and therefore iudged of them as pen-men of pike-men, and blind men of colours. Or were it that they had so much learning in their budgets, as that they could make a shift to know their insufficiency; yet to pleasure those that recommended them, they suffered them to passe. One is famous among the rest, who being asked by the Bishop sitting at the table, Es tu dignus? answered, No my Lord: but I shal dine anon with your men. For he thought that dignus (that is worthy) had signified to dine. It is reported also of another, who going to the Bishop for his orders, and being asked this question (to try his learning and sufficiency) Who was father to the foure sonnes of Aymond? and knowing [Page] not what to answer, was refused as insufficient. Who returning home againe, and shewing the reason why he was not priested; his father told him that he was a very asse, that could not tell who was father to the foure sonnes of Aymond. See I pray thee (quoth he) yonder is great Iohn the smith, who hath foure sonnes: if a man should aske thee, who is their father, wouldst thou not say that it were great Iohn the smith? Yes (quoth he) now I vnderstand it wel. Thereupon he went againe, as hauing learned his lesson better. And being asked the second time who was father to the foure sonnes of Aymond, answered, that it was great Iohn the smith. Many such pleasant questions were asked them for sport and pastime sake, & to make my Lord Bishop merry (who sate by;) as also to take triall of thē, whether they were plaine noddies and cockscombs or not. As when one being asked what was the daintiest morsell in a pig, and hauing answered that it was the pigs coate; for this so good and fit an answer was thought worthy to haue the order of priesthood. Whereas another (which came after) being demaunded what was the best bit in a calfe, and hauing answered that it was the skinne (for he thought he wold be sure to answer as the former had done) was holden vnworthy to be made a parish Priest, as hauing made a caluish answer; thereby shewing that he had not wit enough to be of that trade.

2 But I am ashamed to employ my pen and paines about such sottish questions as were asked them, to try whether they were bons compagnons or not: asked (I say) onely pro forma, to the end they might say they had bin examined. Now if there be any so hard of beliefe as wil not credit it, I shal desire him to consider how euer it was possible to get from these Priests (which were as blind as beetles) a pertinent answer to any demaund touching their place and office: I meane the office into which they most of all desired to be inuested. How blind and ignorant were they? (may some say.) Surely so blind that they could hardly see to reade. And if this shall seeme yet more incredible, I referre my selfe to their Canon law, where it is recorded that a Priest baptizing a child vpon a time, vsed these words: Baptiz [...] te in nomine patria, & filia, & spiritua sancta. But because it is a very memorable fact I will set downe the words at large. Marke then what is recorded word for word in the third part of the Decrees De consecr. dist. 4. canone 84. Zacharias Papa Bonifacio Episcopo: Retulerunt mihi nuntij tui quòd fuit sacerdos in eadem prouincia, qui Latinam linguam penitus ignorabat, & dum baptizaret, nescius Latini eloquij, infringens linguam, diceret, Baptizo te in nomine patria, & filia, & spiritua sancta: & per hoc tua reuerenda sanctit [...]s considerauit eos rebaptizare: sed sanctissime Frater, si ille qui baptizauit, non errorē inducens, vel haeresin, sed pro sola ignorantia Romanae locutionis, infringendo linguam (vt suprà diximus) baptizans dixisset, non possumus consentire vt denuò baptizetur. Which Canon hath done Peter Lombard knights seruice; for it hath serued his turne excellently well: Lib. 4. sen. dist. 6. For, for a full and finall resolution of this question, Si baptismus sit verbis corruptè prolatis▪ he alleadgeth nothing but this Canon. Quaeri etiam solet (saith he) si corruptè proferantur verba illa, an baptismus sit? De hoc Zacharias Bonifacio scribit. Retulerunt, &c. For my part, I remember well I haue heard some Priests administring baptisme say Abrinuncio, in stead of Abrenuncio. And in consecrating (as they speake) hoc est corpum meum.

3 But some aduocate may haply stand vp in defence of them, and say, that all of them neither are nor haue bin so ignorant, but that there are some which are but simple priests, who can not only legere vt Clerici, that is, readily and distinctly, but also vnderstand what they reade. I grant indeed that all are not such ignorant asses: but this I say, that the most ignorant are least dangerous. For proofe hereof: [Page] who corrupted the text of the new Testament, but they that had a little smattering in learning? Who was he that corrected the place in S. Luke, which speaketh of a womā who hauing lost a groat, swept the house to find it? Who put euertit domū, she ouerturned the house, in stead of euerrit domū, she swept the house? but he who had read ouer so many classicke authors, that in some blind corner he met with euertit in stead of euerrit. They haue also serued the place in the Acts of the Apostles with the same sawce. For in stead of demissus per sportam, they haue put demissus per portam. In honour of which correction, these foure verses were made by one that heard a Popish preacher follow that translation in his Sermon:

Par ici passa deuant hier

Vn tres-notable charpentier,

Qui besongn [...] de telle sorte,

Que d'vn panier fit vne porte.

That is,

This way the other day did passe,

A iolly Carpenter as euer was:

So strangely skilfull in his trade,

That of a basket a doore he made.

4 There be sundry other places corrupted after the same manner, in the first impression of the old translation. And I remember a Printer was in danger to fry a fagot for putting euerrit into the text in stead of euertit. And as for sundry words of the New Testament, they haue either changed their writing and orthography, or at leastwise their signification, in framing vnto them significations according to their owne coniecturall imaginations. As in the place of Saint Paule, in stead of haereticum deuita, that is, Shunne or auoide an hereticke: they (like profoūd diuines) haue diuined the sense to be this, Put an heriticke to death. Yet all this is nothing to the interpretation of this place, Inuenimus Messiam. Iohn. 1. We haue found the Masse. Nor of this, Signa autem eos qui crediderint, haec sequentur &c. Signe them with the signe of the Crosse, &c. Amongst which braue interpretations, this may not be forgotten which was made by a Curat of Artois, who suing his parishioners for not repairing the Church, and namely for not pauing it, tooke the 17. chapter of the Prophet Ieremie for his aduocate to pleade for him, where it is said, Paueant illi & non paueam ego, &c. Whereas (quoth he) Ieremie saith expresly, Let them paue it, and not I, doth he not giue you to vnderstand, that it belongs not to the Curate to paue the Church, but to the parishioners? But what shall we say to this interpretation, Confitemini alterutrum, Confesse your selues to the priest? For here I cannot see how the Latine word soundeth any thing neare to the English, as in the former. And verily I do heare ingeniously confesse my ignorance, that I know not how such interpretations could euer come into their heads.

5 But hauing discoursed sufficiently of simple Priests or monkes; let vs in the next place come to Prelats; who (doubtles) haue seconded the single soled Priests: witnes that profound clerk, who hearing some alleadge certain lawes called Clemē tina & Nouella, fell into a pelting chafe, for that they vrged him with the testimony of whores, and harlots. And as for Prat the Chancellor of France (if I may speake of him without offence, considering he was a clergy man in his dayes) he shewed he had some learning, though no more then would serue his turne; when hauing read the letter which king Henrie the eight had sent to the French king Francis the first, wherein this clause was: Mitto tibi duodecim molossos: I send you twelue mastiue dogs; he expounded it, I send you a dozen mules. And being confident in this [Page] interpretation, went (accompanied with another noble man) to the king, requesting his highnesse to bestow vpon him the present which the king of England had sent him. The king (who as yet [...]ad heard nothing of this present) maruailed that Mules shold be sent him out of England, affirming that it was a rare nouelty indeed; and being desirous to see the letter, ( [...] that others also might reade it,) they found them to be duodecim molossos, twelue mastiue dogs. Wherupon the Chā cellour seeing himselfe made a laughing-stocke (and you may well imagine how) found out a starting hole, which notwithstanding made him more ridiculous thē before: for he said he had mistaken the word, in taking mol [...]ssos for muletos.

6 And lest any should take exception against their Latine for want of congruitie, let him know that herein they are dispensed with by their father S. Gregorie, who saith, Non debent verb [...] caelestis oraculi subesse regulis Donati. And therefore one of the foresaid Preachers was greatly to blame, to lay this in the Priests dish, that they vnderstood not their Donate. And he that should vrge them to render a reason of their pronuntiation, shold presse them too far, and sift them too narrowly. And I perswade my selfe, it was the least part of Saint Gregories meaning, that euer they should trouble their heads about it. For he thought their masse was as effectuall with Dominu vobiscon, as with Dominus vobiscum, and Peronnia saecula, as Per omnia saecula; which maketh me lesse to wonder that a Channon should be called into question, because he would be singular and haue his pronuntiation apart by himselfe, in saying Per omnia saecula. They found fault also with those that pronounced Kyrie eleison, in stead of Kyrieleison, as by and by we shall heare.

7 And as for the Greeke, you must pardon them, though they vnderstand not one iot; seeing greater Clearkes then they (I wisse) haue not bene ashamed to say, Graecum est, non legitur: & Transeat, Graecum est. And if any man accoūt this their ignorāce an euil thing, let him take this withal (for it may be truly affirmed) that this euill is the cause of some good. For by this meanes the number of men and women Saints hath bene increased. Saint Lonchi (otherwise called Longi) may testifie for men Saints: and Saint Typhaine for women saints; for this Saints name cometh of the Greeke word [...] signifying a lance, or speare (albeit it was long since giuen to him that pierced our Sauiors side with a speare. And the name of the woman Saint, viz. Typhaine, cometh of the greeke word [...] (as a man would say, The appearing of God.) And as true it is likewise on the contrary, that this ignorance hath augmented the number of diuels. For of Macrobius and such like names, they haue coined new names of diuels. But as for poore Malchus (who had his eare cut off, and afterward his name taken from him, and giuen to a kind of sword) I wil leaue him to pleade his own cause, lest it should be said, that I were the Iewes aduocate. Besides, there is another benefit which accrewes to the Church by this meanes. For their ignorance in not vnderstanding the true and proper Etymologies of Greeke words, no not so much as whether they were Greeke words or not, hath made them [...]ke out many subtil notations which otherwise had neuer bene dreamed of. For example, if it had bene knowne, that presbyter had bene all one with [...], an old man; certes, they wold neuer haue dreamed of the Etymologie which we find in the booke called Stella Clericorum, in the chapter beginning Quos ergo praelati & presbyteri, &c. viz. presbyter dicitur quasi praebens iter. And (as some wits are quicker and sharper then others, besides, Facile est addere inuentis) they haue not staied here, but haue found out a more subtil notation, namely this, Presbyter quasi prae aliis bibens ter. Albeit this, I must needs confesse, is not so generally receiued. The like may be said of the word Diabolus, that is, Diuell. For had [Page] they knowne that [...] had signified a standerer, or backbiter, we had bin yet to seeke for this Etymologie proceeding from a most profound and deepe speculation, Diabolus▪ ex dia, quod est duo: & bolus, id est, morcellus. Quasi faciens duos bolos, de corpore & anima: that is, This word Diabolus cometh of dia ▪ which signifieth two, and bolus a morcel; as making but two morcels of a man; one of his body, another of his soule. And this (as I remember) is the Etymology giuen by Hugo Carrensis, but followed by the foresaid preachers, and namely by Oliuer Maillard. fol. 176. col. 2.

8 Moreouer, if we pardon them the ignorance of the Greeke tongue, there is greater reason we should pardon their ignorance of the Hebrew, considering it hath (as we know) bene alwayes lesse common. And we must remember withall, that it hath bene as a whetstone to sharpen the wits of many doctors, to finde out pleasant Etymologies and to draw them out of the very words themselues. Thus we reade that the name Iesus hath two sillables, which signifie the two natures of Christ: it hath further, fiue letters, three vowels, and two consonants, the three vowels signifying the Trinitie, the two consonants the two substances of Christs humanity, his body and soule; which subtil speculation is taken out of the book of conformities of Saint Francis with Christ fol. 193. where Pope Innocentius in his Sermons is said to be the author of it. But what? shall we say nothing of the notation of Cephas? which they haue made Greeke, Latine, French; rather then either Ebrew, or Syriacke. Let vs here what Baralete saith to proue that Saint Peter ought to be preferred before S. Paul▪ Quod ad praelationem verò, Petrus est maior quàm Paulus, quia Papa maior est quā Legatus. Petrus fuit vniuersalis Christi Vicarius, cui dixit Christus, tu es Petrus, tu es Simon: tu vocaberis Cephas, quod Gracè dicitur maior & primus, quià scilicet fuit Papa. As for those who maintaine (for proofe hereof) that it was a French word which our Sauiour then vsed (because Chef in French, is as much as head in English, or Chieftaine and principall commander in any enterprise or employment) they haue gone cleane against the haire. For they might with greater reason haue fetched it from the Greeke (if they had vnderstood it) in cutting off the two last syllables from [...], whēce the French borowed their word Chef.

9 See here (gentle Reader) how they played and sported themselues with the interpretation of Greek, and Ebrew words in the Bible. And seeing the Greek and Ebrew tongues are further remote from the common vse; no maruell if they which were offended with the Channon for pronouncing per omnia and not peronnia (so offended I say, as that they were ready to haue had him into the Court) would haue bene much more offended if they had heard him pronounce Kyrie eleison in stead of Kyrieleison; especially if they had heard him say Allelulah (making therein an I consonant) in stead of their Alleluya. For whereas they said that this his pronunciation made them suspect him of Lutheranisme, it was because he maintaining it to be good, alleadged certaine reasons whereby he gaue sufficient testimony that he had studied the Greeke and Latin tongue, which this long time haue bene thought to infect men with Lutheranisme and heresie. Witnesse our good Maister Beda who in the presence of king Francis the first, obiected to the late William Bude (who laboured by all meanes to hold the king in his good resolution, and to draw him on to a greater forwardnes, for the establishing of the professors of those languages) that the Hebrew and Greeke would be the fountaine of many heresies. But Bude stoutly withstood the foresaid Beda, prouing him forthwith to be but a bedlam, and that it wa [...] not for him to iudge of such things, wherof he had no more knowledge then a blind man of colours. And so the kings most godly enterprise was happily atcheeued in despite of Beda, and to the great infamy of him and his fusty fellows, as also to the great contentation and singular [Page] honor as well of the King as of Bude. And (no doubt) if these iolly Rabbins which withstood this good motion, durst haue spoken the truth, they would haue confessed that which a French Poet shortly after did finely flap them in the mouth withall, that it was to be feared lest the Latine, Greeke and Ebrew would (in the end) lay open all their trumperies.

CHAP. XXX. How our ancestors suffered the holy Scriptures to be buried in an vnknowne tongue, and corrupted by false glosses and interpretations.

AMong the things which posterity wil hardly be brought to beleeue, this (doubtles) wil be none of the least, that our ancestors shold not be permitted to reade the Scriptures. I thought it therefore not impertinent to say somthing of this argument, the better to satisfie the simple sort, who may well wonder how men could euer lend their eares to such dreams and dotages, farlies and fooleries, as we haue spoken of in part already, and are to speake more at large hereafter, considering they agree no better then harpe and harrow. Let posteritie therfore know, that the state of the Church stood in such termes within these thirty yeares, that he that had read the Scripture in his mother tong, was in as great danger of the burning chamber, and had as great need to hide his head, as if he had bin a false coyner, or had committed some greater offence. For he that was found reading the Bible, or had it onely in his house, was sure to fry a fagot; especially if he did answer to such interrogatories as should be ministred vnto him accordingly. Which rigorous dealing is witnessed by sundry sorrowfull songs and dolefull madrigals, published about that time, albeit without the authors names. Of which argument also there was one made Anno 1544. beginning thus,

Vous per dez temps, de me vouloir defendre

D'es [...]udier en la saincte Escriture.

Plus m'en blasmez, plus m'en voulez reprendre,

Plus m'esiouit, plus me plaist la lecture.

Ce que Dieu nous commande

Faut-il qu'on le defende

Par tourmens & menaces?

Cessez vos gra [...] auda [...]es.

Que l'Eternel ne bransle sa main dextre,

Pour vous monstrer que lui seul est le maistre.

That is,

Ye lose your time that would for fend mine eyes

The reading of the sacred histories.

The more ye blame me for so blessed deed,

The more I list, and more I like to reade.

What God himselfe directly shall command,

Shall ye with threats and torments dare withstand?

Leaue off your proud audacious enterprise,

Lest that th'Eternall shake his irefull hand,

[Page]And teach you what it is 'gainst God to rise.

For it fared with many of those Doctors, as it did with those whō our Sauiour reproueth for taking away the key of knowledge, in that they would neither enter in themselues, nor yet suffer such as would, to enter. For neither would they reade the Scripture themselues, nor suffer others to reade it. Nay one of their Reuerendissimi was not ashamed to say openly (as hath bin heretofore witnessed by others) I cannot but wonder to heare these yong fellows alleadge the new Testament: Per diem I was aboue 50. yeare old before I knew what the new Testament meant. But what reason had they to forbid the translatiō of the Bible into the vulgar tongue? Verily this goodly reason, because (forsooth) it was to be feared lest the simple people should reade sundry things therein, which they would peruert to their owne destruction, for want of sound vnderstanding and iudgement; and so would fall into manifold absurdities and errors. To which sleeueles reason this answer was made (about fifteen yeares ago) by a man of excellent parts in those dayes: vpon whom God hath since doubled and trebled, and doth still multiply the graces of his spirit.

Nos grans Docteurs au cherubin visage,

Ont defendu qu'homme n'ait plus à voir

La saincte Bible en vulgaire langage,

Dont vn chacun peut cognoissance auoir.

Car (disent-ils) desir de tant sauoir

N'engendre rien qu'erreur, peine & souci.

Arguo sic,

S'il est donques ainsi

Que pour l'abus il faille oster ce liure,

Il est tout clair qu'on leur deuoit aussi

Oster le vin, dont chacun d'eux s'enyure.

That is,

Our learned Rabbins with their malmseynose,

Forbidden men the holy writ to reade

In vulgar tongues: for learning (they suppose)

Nothing but error, paine and care doth breed.

Arguo sic,

If then for cause of this abusion,

The Bible must be bard from looking on:

Needs mote their wine be taken from their sight,

Wherewith they bene each one so oft mis-dight.

But how then is that to be vnderstood which we reade in Oliuer Maillard (that good old Preacher,) where he telleth the burgesses and citizens of Paris, that they had the Bible in the French tongue? Verily he meant a kind of Bible which was first translated for the nonce, and fitted for their tooth: and after, glossed with the glosse of Orleans which corrupteth the text, yea so interlaced and interlarded therwith, as that they would be sure it should not crosse nor contrary their false deuised doctrine; and that nothing might be found in the whole Scripture, which might sound aught but holinesse and honour to our holy mother the Catholicke Church of Rome. These were the Bibles wherein they gaue their Antidotes, in such places especially where they feared the poore people might be poisoned, as they speake. Of which argument I made these verses following,

Comment ont nos Rabbis permis & defendu

Le liure qu'ils ont craint de tous estre entendu?

[Page]La Bible ont defendu en langage vulgaire,

Puis l'ont fait imprimer, pour au peuple complaire.

Ceci s'accorde bien: car tout ainsi qu'on voit,

Que nous ostons le vin, à qui par trop en boit,

Ou qu'auecques force [...]au tellement on l'appreste,

Que faire mal aucun il ne peut à la teste:

Ainsi ont nos Rabbis voulu la Bible oster,

Ou bien leurs mixtions à la Bible aiouster.

That is,

How haue our Rabbins licenc'd and forbade

The booke so fear'd of lay-men to be learn'd?

For both they haue f [...]bade in vulgar tongues

The Bibles vse: and [...]or they faine would please.

It now comes newly [...]oking from the presse.

All this may well agree: For as we see

The wine ore reaue [...] from the drunken man,

Or else so temper'd from the cooler spring,

That naught may [...]reamen vp to hurt the braine.

So, or our Rabbins take this booke away,

Or with their mixtions can his strength allay.

Now these their mixtions they call counterpoison, albeit they deserue rather to be called deadly poison. For certes, the Scriptures being read in that holy manner that God hath commaunded, will poison no man, (I meane they will not leauen our heads with erroneous opinions, but rather purge vs of the leauen of false doctrine,) but it is their glosse which poisoneth such as are not prouided of some soueraigne Antidote or counter-poison.

CHAP. XXXI. Of the paraphrasticall expositions vsed by the foresaid Preachers, especially in expounding the historie of the Bible.

HAuing declared in the former Chapter, how these Doctors did exexpresly forbid the reading of the holy Scripture in the vulgar tong, except it had such a glosse as would marre the text, and such a cautionate interpretation, as that they wold be sure their trumperies should not be discouered: I am now to shew how they abused it in their Sermons sundry other wayes. And first how they vsed a kind of paraphrase, wherein they play with the holy Scripture as Comaedians are wont, or rather conuert it into meere Comicall conceits. For example, we find nothing recorded in Scripture of the woman (called a sinner) who came to our Sauiour as he sate at table (Luke 7.) but only this, that being at dinner in the Pharisies house, a womā of the citie of Nai [...], which had bene a sinner (or a loose liuer) came to seeke him, that she washed his feete with her teares, and wiped them with the haires of her head: that she kissed them, and annointed them with sweet ointments: and how Christ shewed by a similitude, that we should not wonder that her sinnes were forgiuen her; [Page] and how that after he had said, Thy sins are forgiuen thee, he added, Thy faith hath saued thee: Go in peace. Thus much we find in the Gospell touching this history. Let vs now see into how wide and large a field these Preachers wandered, and amongst the rest Menot, (whom I haue so often alleadged.) First they can tell you this womans name, (albeit the Euangelist hath concealed it,) and not that onely, but her parentage also & pedegree: nay further, that she was at the Sermon which our Sauiour made before dinner: neither that onely, but what talke they had together, and in what tearmes. And which is more, Menot speaketh of it, as if hee had seene it liuely pourtraited before his eyes. For consider what he writeth, fol. 160. Quò ad primum, Magdalena (for hee taketh it for a confessed truth that it is spoken of her) erat Domina terrena de castro Magdalon, tam sapiens, quòd erat mirum audire loqui de sapientia eius, & prudentia; O ergo Magdalena, quomodo venistis ad tantum inconueniens, quòd vocemini magna peccatrix? Et non sine causa: quod fuistis malè conciliata. Data est tribus conciliariis, qui eam posuerunt in talistatu: scilicet primus, Corporalis elegantia: secundus, temporalis substantia: tertius, fuit libertas nimia. De primo, Prouerb. vlt. &c. Primùm ergo quid fuit causae huius mulieris perditionis? Fuit elegantia corporalis (that is,) What was the cause of this womans ruine and destruction? verily her surpassing beauty. Videbatur that she was made (as a man would say) of purpose, to be looked on. Pulchra, iuuenis, alta; cherry-cheeked, soft and succulent, ruddy as a rose, Minion like-minsing, pleasantly warbling. Credo quòd non erat nisi quindecim vel sedecim annorum quando incêpit sic viuere, & triginta quando rediit ad bonitatem Dei. Numera, &c. Quando pater fuit mortuus, plena erat sua voluntate. Martha soror non audebat ei dicere verbum: & videbatur ei quòd faciebat magnum honorem illis qui veniebant ad illam. Quicquid faciebat, erat viuere at her pleasure, and to banquet, hodie inuitare, &c. And a little after, This silly sot who had prostituted her selfe to euery come [...], erat in castro suo: the bruite was noised already throughout all Iewry and the country of Galilee. Omnes bibendo & comedendo loquebantur de ea & de eius vita. Martha soror timens Deum & amans honorem of her kinred, being very much ashamed of the shamelesse impudency of her sister, videns quod omnes loquebantur of her & her sweet doings, venit ad eam, dicens, O soror, si pater adhuc viueret, qui tantū vos amabat, & audiret ista quae per orbem agitantur de vobis, surely you would kill him with greefe. Facitis magnum dedecus progeniei nostrae. M. Magd. words. VVhat is the matter now? quid vis dicere? Martha speakes. Heu soror, non opus est vltrà procedere, neque amplius manifestare. Scitis benè quid volo dicere, & vbi iaceat punctus. Euery child can talke of it. O Magd again hypocrite! what need you to take care for me? must you needs haue an oare in euery mans boate? what the diuell meane you by this geare? (Lord saue vs all.) Nonne estis magistramea? Quis dedit mihi this stout dame to trouble me? Vadatis precor ad domum verstram: scio quid habeo agere ita benè sicut vna alia. Habeo sensum & intellectum to know how to demeane and behaue my selfe. Meno [...] words.Surely, it is so goodly a creature, that she cannot thinke of any thing saue of her selfe. Martha rogabat eam vt iret ad sermonem, & consuleret aliquem hominē bonae vitae. Magdalena dixit ianitori, Non dimittas mihi intrare hoc castrum this mad sister of mine, who bringeth hither nothing but dissention, and vnquietnesse, vbi non consueuit esse nisi cantus gaudij. After this he maketh a long narration of the meanes which Martha vsed to perswade her sister to come to our Sauiours Sermon: not telling her what he was, but onely that he was a very goodly man. O soror, essetis valde foelix si possetis videre vnum hominem qui praedicat in Hierusalem, Est pulchrior omnibus quos vnquam vidis [...]s: tàm gratiosus, tàm [...]onestus: he is of so good behauiour, and knowes so well to giue kind entertainment, as you [Page] neuer saw the like. Credo sirmiter quòd si videretis eum, essetis amorosa de eo, est in flore iuuentutis suae. And a little after, Illa cepit pulchra indumenta sua, aquam rosaceam pro lauando faciem suam, cepit speculum. Videbatur quòd esset vnus pulcher angelus. Nullus [...]am aspexisset, qui non fuisset amorosus de ea: ipsa ante se misit mangones portantes great store of crimosine cushions, vt disponerent sibi locum. Martha videbat haec omnia, fingens nihil videre: & sequebatur eā sicut si fuisset parua ancilla. Christus iam erat in media praedicatione, vel fortè in secunda parte. After he sheweth how all men honoured Magdalen, wondering to see her come to the Sermon. And that as soone as our Sauiour perceiued her, he began to preach how detestable a thing outward brauery & pompous attire was. Tunc (saith he) ipse capit detestari vitia, bragas, pompas, vanitates, & specialiter peccatum luxuriae, & contra has mulieres &c. Afterward, he shewes how that notwithstanding Magdalen was touched to the quicke with that Sermon, thinking of nothing so much as of repentance, and leading a new life: yet that she was in great danger to haue beene drawne away by her customers and old acquaintance, and brought to her old by as again. Venerunt (saith he) galandi, amorosi, rustici, roisters, qui dixerunt, surgatis, surgatis, facitis nunc your selfe a superstitious hypocrite. Vadamus ad domum. Quae dixit, O amici mei; rogo, dimittatis me: non audistis quid dixit ille bonus praedicator de poenis inferni vobis & mihi praeparatis, nisi aliud faciamus? And a little after, Habebat in suo armariolo sweet and precious water, quae vendebatur pondere auri. Coepit quaerere de loco in locum, de platea in plateam, de domo in domum, Quis hodie dabit prandium praedicatori? Dictum est ei quòd in domo Simonis. And after, he relateth the speech which she vsed when she kissed our Sauiours feet, and washed them with her teares: and how she lay crowching vnder the table like a dog: as also how our Sauiour said vnto her, O Mary arise. And that she should answer, My Lord, I will neuer rise from hence, till you haue pardoned all my sins, and giuen me your blessing. And how he should say vnto her, Arise my deare, thy sinnes are forgiuen thee, thy faith hath saued thee. Lastly he telleth vs how Martha hauing brought Mary Magdalen to the virgin Mary, she kneeled downe before her and said, Madame, I beseech you pardon me if I presume to speak vnto you: I haue bene a leud and wicked sinner, but by Gods grace I wil be so no more; your sonne this day hath pardoned me: happy are you that haue such a sonne. See here how this iolly Preacher deciphereth this history, agreeing so well with the players of the passion, that it is hard to say, whether he borrowed it of them, or they of him. By players of the passion, I meane those Comaedians which set forth the story of the passion in rime, to be played in stead of other moral matter, or in stead of some play and pageant, or both. And first, that this woman (which the Euangelist calleth a sinner) was called Magdalen (as we heard euen now out of Menot,) and that she tooke her name of the castle Magdalon; see it here confirmed by one of these balladin rimesters (saue that in both names he vseth E in stead of A) in these verses rightly smelling of the old veine:

I'aei mon chasteau de Magdelon,

Dont l'on m'appelle Magdelaine:

Où le plus souuent nous allon

Gaudir en toute ioye mondaine.

That is,

I haue my castle Magdelon,

Whence I am called Magdalen:

Whither we to sport our selues haue gone,

In all delight of worldly men.

[Page] He further makes her the wickedest wretch that euer was in the world, addicted to all villanies which the wit of man can possibly deuise: and he brings her in singing wanton and lasciuious songs; and a Squire named Rodigon courting of her. He further shewes, that she would neuer giue eare, nor once listen to her sister Martha, and last of all, the manner of her conuersion.

2 But to returne to Menot, let vs see how he setteth forth the history of the prodigall sonne in orient colours, and how like a wier-drawer he stretcheth that out in length, which the Euangelist had couched and wound vp in few words, enriching it with all circumstances forged of pleasure, and couched in apt tearmes to make sport, and to moue laughter. fol. 119. Pater quidam habebat duos filios, quorum iunior se ostendit magis fatuum, quia inconstans fuit. This young man was wilfull, fickle, and inconstant, a minion, and a lusty braue gallant. Ipse erat vnus puer plenus suo velle, versatilis &c. qui quando venit ad cognoscendum seipsum, suam fortitudinem, suam iuuentutem, suam pulchritudinē, & quòd sanguis ascendit frontem, his strength, his youth, his beauty, and that he thought himselfe no small foole: Venit ad patrem resolutus sicut Papa, & dixit ei; Pater, da mihi, &c. Pater, sumus tantùm duo filij: ego nō sum bastardus: & sic, quādo placeret Deo to do so much for your childrē as to call you to his mercy, non exhareditaretis me, sed haberem partem meam sicut frater meus: Scio consuetudines & leges patriae, quòd te viuente nullum ius habeo in bonis vestris: tamen sum filius vester, & me amatis; rogo detis, &c. And a little after, when this foolish and vnaduised youth habuit suam partem de haereditate, non erat quaestio de portando eam secum; ideo statim he maketh cheuissance thereof, he priseth, and selleth it: & ponit the sale of it in sua bursa. Quādo vidit tot pecias argēti simul, valdè gauisus est, & dixit ad se; Hô non manebitis sic semper. Incipit se respicere; & quo modo? vos estis de tam bona domo, & estis apparelled like a begger? Super hoc habebitur prouisio. Mittit ad quarendū Drapers, whole salemen, silkmen, (who came thick & threefold to serue him) & apparelled himselfe from top to toe: Quando vidit, emit sibi pulchras caligas of scarlet well drawne out, a faire shirt with a gathered band, a dublet garded with veluet, a Florence cap, hauing his haire finely combed & smoothed, & quādo sensit the damask wauing at his back, vt sensit hunc damascum volantem supra dorsum; haec secum dixit, Oportét ne mihi aliquid? non, &c. Lacke I any thing now? No: thou hast all thy feathers, it is now high time for thee to flye away. After, he reporteth how that he should say, he must needs abroad to see the world, & that they which were alwayes kept vnder the mothers wing, were idiots and dolts. To be short, that he who had not trauailed into forrain countreys nihil videt. My father hath now laid the raines on my necke, Pater meus laxauit habenam supra collum. After, he relateth how that trauailing through strange countreys, he feasted this man, and that man, and kept king Arthurs round table, being alwayes accompanyed and attended on at his Innnes with players, naughty-packes and idle huswiues. And in the end, how that postquā nihil amplius erat fricandū, when they had drawne him dry, mittitur pulchra vestis Domini bragan [...]is, caliga, bombi [...]inium: quis (que) secum ferebat peciam of my iolly Iacke braggards hose and dublet, euery man carryed away a peece. Ita quòd in breui tempore my gallant became an apple squire, apparelled like a houseburner, as naked as a worme, &c. And with much ado, he kept his shirt as cleane as a dishclout, (with a knot vpon his shoulder) to couer his poore carcasse. Thus well intertained they him in his prosperity, and in all his pompous iollities.

3 We read also Iohn. 7. that the high Priests sent officers to apprehend Christ, after he had cried aloud in the Temple, You both know me and whence I am: for I am not alone, &c. And how he said to the officers, Yet a litle while am I with you, & then [Page]I go to him which sent me: you shall seeke me, and shall not find me, and where I am can you not come, &c. And how there was a dissention among the people by reason of him, and how some of them would haue taken him, but none laid hands on him. As also how the officers returned vnto the high Priests and Pharisies, who said vnto them, Why haue you not brought him? The officers answered, Neuer man spake as this man. Whereunto they replyed, Are you also deceiued? Do any of the Rulers or of the Pharisies beleeue in him? but this people which know not the law, is accursed. Lo here the purport of the words of the text in Saint Iohn. Now let vs heare what is patched hereto in the paraphrase of this gentle Preacher. They of the Synagogue heard that Christ was hid in the desert, and therefore purposing to make speedy dispatch, leuied a great band of Sergeants, ruffianly rogues, vagabonds, and forlorne fellowes, and said vnto them, Go your wayes and wheresoeuer you meete with him, bring him to vs, as a disturber of the state. And if he resist you, kill him; you need not feare, you are well appointed. These gallants being gone into the desert, and hauing compassed the wood, found him all barefooted as he was, and vpon his knees, praying for wicked sinners. The Lord hearing them behind him, turned back and said: O my childrē, you are come (I know) to apprehend me, & to put me to death, but let me intreat you that I may liue a litle lōger; for yet a little while I am with you, &c. Take no care; all things shall come to passe which are looked for. After a while you shal do with me as you please. Now when they heard such gracious words, & saw so amiable a countenāce, they fel all downe vpon their knees, crauing pardon for their bold, presumptuous, and fellonious attempt, and straight returned to Ierusalem to their maisters againe: who said vnto them, wher [...] is he? haue you not found him? If you haue found him, why haue you not brought him? Did we not charge and command you, that you should bring him either liuing or dead? Tell vs, is he escaped from you? How often hath he plaied vs these pranks? Escaped? (said they) no, no: we were no sooner come before him; but he spake vnto vs in such sort, as we were all amazed, & gaue vs such heauenly instructions, that we are perswaded, there was neuer man spake like vnto him. What? (said the Pharisies) are you such white liuered souldiers, that words can beate you backe? O my Lords and masters (said they) you speake merrily: would to God you had bene with vs; he is so gentle, and curteous: O good God, who would not loue thee? when we came neare vnto him, he said not so much as who is there? but saluted vs kindly, and offered himselfe readily. Then the Iewes answered, he hath a bee in a boxe which helpeth him in all this geare; he hath inchanted, and suborned you.

4 Moreouer, they were as bold as blind bayard, in paraphrasing vpon the old Testament as well as vpon the new. For example, in the history 1. King. 3. which recordeth King Salomons iudgement of the two harlots, in giuing the child to the right mother, the text saith not, that they debated the matter in the presence of the King, nor that one of them should sweare by her faith; much lesse that the king should say, Hold your peace, hold your peace: for as farre as I see, you neuer studied at Angiers nor Poytiers to learne to pleade wel. And yet Menot would make vs beleeue, that all this stuffe is essentiall to this story.

CHAP. XXXII. How the foresaid Preachers abused the Scriptures, partly through ignorance, and partly through malice.

[Page]

BVt they not content to patch to the history of the Bible, as tel-tales are wont to do, to enhance the report & inrich their tale, that it may cary the greater shew, and so be a lie with a latchet; take further libertie to abuse it sundry wayes besides; yea to quote places out of it for confirmation of their false deuised doctrine. For there is no one conclusion in all their religion so absurd, foolish, or full of impietie, which they will not defend and maintaine by one text or other. And with such pertinent quotations are their bookes full fraught and farced, who haue encountered them at sharpe, and giuen them the foile: where we may see their impudency to haue bin such, as that they wold not stick to alleadge those places for them, which made most against them; which they did by confuting their true exposition. For they knew they had to deale with such as either could not, or wold not vnderstand; and therefore no maruell if they were so terribly afraid to haue the Bible in the vulgar tongue: for they saw that if it once tooke place, they could no longer rule the rost, and leade the world in a string, as formerly they had done. Besides, they were not ignorant, they should be encountered on euery side, and set vpon thicke and threefold, when men were once armed with a number of texts, against which they saw they had no armour of proofe to defend themselues. Wherfore we may well thinke, that he which found fault with Saint Paul for vttering sundry things which he might well haue concealed (considering the scandall and offence which he gaue thereby) was no hypocrite, but spake as he thought. The like may be said of another profound Doctor, who was not ashamed to say, that if he were perswaded that none had S. Pauls Epistles but himselfe, he would cast them into the fire: vsing this braue Doctor-like Latin, Per diem, si putarem quòd non esset nisi me qui haberet Epistolas Pauli, ego mitterem in ignes. Doubtlesse the good Spanish Doctor (mentioned before) needed not to wish S. Pauls Epistles burnt, seeing he had a sufficient excuse for answering either them or any other text, to say, Ego non sum Theologus, ego sum Canonista. But seeing the foresaid books are as full of these examples, as an egge is of meate, I hope the Reader will hold me excused if I alleadge them not pel-mel, but onely cul out some few of them which may serue best to discouer their impudency.

2 And not to speake of Inuenimus Messiam, alleadged for proofe of the Masse, and such like places touched before in speaking of their ignorance (for questionlesse such profound Preachers and deepe Diuines, as the three Worthies so often before remembred, would haue scorned such allegations) yet I cannot omit the Pycard who succeeded one of them, and eclipsed (as it were) the glory of them all in the iudgement of our good Catholickes. This famous preacher intending to proue that we are saued by our works, reasoneth in this sort. Is it possible that these wicked Lutherans should be so impudent as to deny that we are saued by workes, when we haue the flat and formall text of S. Peter for proofe hereof? Let them tell me the meaning of these words, Iustus vix saluatur: Is not this the meaning, that the iust man shall hardly be saued? And if he be hardly saued, is it not (I beseech [Page] you) by his workes? Consider here (good Reader) before we passe on to a further point, how maliciously and impudently this fond fellow equiuocateth; and thinke with thy selfe how many texts he will abuse, who maketh no conscience thus to dally with this? if such deceitfull dealing may be called dallying, whereby so many poore soules are seduced, and in stead of wholesome doctrine, are fed with plaine poison.

3 But because my purpose is to insist vpon foolish or malicious allegations, and to single out some few out of many, I will speake onely of such as are authorized by a Councell; which Popish Prelates haue made their Achilles to beare off the great blowes which might light vpon their images. For in the Nicene Councell (not that great and famous Councell holden vnder Constantine the Emperor, but that which was assembled in the dayes of Charles the great, aboue eight hundred yeares ago, by an Empresse who was so good a Christiā, that she put out her sonnes eyes, and after caused him to pine away in prison, where he ended his daies in great misery:) it was concluded that it was expedient not onely to haue Images, but also to worship them. Now the strongest arguments which they vsed for proofe hereof, were these. First, a certain Bishop called Iohn (Ambassadour for the East Churches) alleadged Gen. 2. God created man after his owne image. Whence he inferred, that Images were to be vsed. And Canticl. 2. Shew me thy face, for it is faire. Another labouring to proue that Images ought to be set vpon Altars, alleadged the saying of Christ, Math. 5. No man lighteth a candle to put it vnder a bushell, but vpon a candlesticke, and it giueth light to all that are in the house. A third, to proue that it was profitable to looke vpon Images, alleadged the saying of the Prophet Dauid, Psal. 4. Signatum est super nos lumen vultus tui, Domine (as the old interpreter doth translate it) that is, The brightnesse of thy face doth shine vpon vs. A fourth, alleadged Psal. 26. v. 8. Domine▪ dilexi decorem domus tuae: that is, Lord, I haue loued the beautie of thy house. In like case also would they help and aduantage themselues with the saying of the Psalmist, Psal. 48. v. 9. As we haue heard, so haue we seene; saying that we know God not onely by hearing of his word, but by looking vpon Images. Another bishop named Theodorus was aware of this subtiltie: It is written (said he) that God is maruellous in his Saints. And in another place it is said, in the Saints which are vpon the earth: Ergo we ought to behold the glory of God in Images. Another alleadged this similitude; As the Patriarchs vsed the sacrifices of the heathen: so Christians ought to vse Images in stead of the Pagans idols. These are their goodly allegations, which (because they were authorized by this Councell) haue bin canuased by these discipling Friers in euery sermon: to say nothing of sundry other of as good grace, and proceeding from as good a wit and sound iudgement.

4 If any shall here wonder how it was euer possible there should be (especially in those dayes) such sottish Preachers, as would so doltishly apply the Scripture; I will here record a late sottish speech much more to be wondered at. In the conference holden at Poyssi (the bruite wherof was blazed throughout the world) a certaine Magister Noster called Demochares, pleading for Images against a Minister of the word, and perceiuing that his cause went downe the wind, would needs maintain it by an argument taken from the glasse windowes in Saint Benets Church, concluding very logically in this sort. This Church (quoth he) was built in S. Dennis his time, but euer since there haue bin Images in glasse windowes: ergo Images haue bin since S. Dennis his time. To whom the Minister answered in three words fitly and finely, that his argument was made of glasse.

[Page]5 But to proceed on in this discourse of the abuse of Scripture, let vs come to those that abused it in such diuellish sort, as great Mahomet himselfe could not haue done worse: I meane in disgracing Christian religion more then euer Mahomet or the Mahometists did. VVho may these be? Verily such as turne it to gibes and ieasts, and merry conceits; especially the deepe dissembling ducking Friers, who are not ashamed to apply sundry places written expresly of our blessed Sauiour to their sweet Saints; those I meane by whom they inrich themselues by preaching their miracles.

6 VVe heard before in the Chapter of blasphemies, of such as made it but a matter of merriment to gibe at some, and to commend other some, in playing the Scoggins with the Scripture; a common thing at this day euen among the Laity. Which deuice me thinks should first haue come frō our M. Pasquin (as being neare his scuruinesse, who Lucifer-like vsurps authoritie not onely ouer Gods word, but ouer his throne and scepter) albeit it hath bin practised since, especially by our gallant Courtiers. For in the beginning of the raigne of king Henry the second, many iests were broken vpon such Lords and Ladies of the Court, as were not in like fauour and grace they had bene in in the dayes of his father; but were as much debased as they had bin before aduanced. One of which I remember was applied to a noble man who had bin in high place, but was then tak [...] a peg lower, Ecce Adam quasi vnus ex nobis factus est. As also that of a certaine Lady who had a prosperous wind in the stearne, and was set (as it were) on the top of fortunes wheele, Regnum meum non est de hoc mundo: where I haue also spoken of certaine places of Scripture wherwith the Friers were wont to sport thēselues and make their worships merry. To which notwithstanding sundry others might be added, as this among the rest, Si non esset hic malefactor, non tibi tradidissemus eum, spoken by certaine Monkes of a pasty which their Abbot had sent them; by which they meant, that if the Cooke had played his part in baking of it, and that the Abbot had liked of it, he would neuer haue sent it. It is further said, that this goodly interpretation of these words of the Psalmist, Qui dat niuem sicut lanam: Which sendeth cold according to the cloth, came from the Monkes cloisters.

7 But now we are to speake of those buffons who abuse the Scripture in their Sermons to mooue laughter. To returne therefore to our good Preachers, we are to note that some euen in these dayes haue made (as it were) a practise and profession, a trade and occupation therof. Of which number Menot is one. For fol. 209. col. 3. he saith, When men first sit downe to meate, there is not a word among thē, they ply their trenchers so hard, their tongues seeming to giue place to the office of their teeth: In medio autem exit sermo inter fratres; dicunt enim here is good bread and good wine. But in the end, In omnem terram exiuit sonus eorum. And fol. 196. col. 4. Dominae ancillis quae in [...]rant cameram earum, & non custodiunt se ab ipsis, saepè ostendunt quae non licet hominibus loqui. Nay, they do so highly honor and reuerence the beginning of Saint Iohns Gospell, that they write it in parchment, enchase it in gold, and hang it about their necks to serue them in stead of Amulets against dangers; which powerfull preseruatiue (if they be not very forgetfull of their Philosophy) they call Agnus Dei. Thus prophanely abusing euen the holy Gospell it selfe (which is Gods-spell) to charmes and sorceries, and magicall incantations (which are no better then Diuels-spels) as we may see in Menots sermons.

8 As for those who apply the Scripture written expresly of our blessed Sauior to their Saints, we shal not find neither can we desire more notable examples then those before mentioned, taken out of the book of Conformities. For what could the [Page] diuel himself (if he were here in proper persō) do more to prophane the holy Scripture, then the author of that damnable booke hath done, in applying not only texts of Scripture spoken expresly of Christ, to this diuellish impostor, so as he sticketh not to say in the end of the booke, Multa quidem & alia signa fecit Franciscus, qu [...] non sunt scripta in libro hoc) but those also which are written of the Patriarchs, Prophets, Apostles and other holy Saints of God? But if these particular [...] applyed to Fryer Francis shall not (haply) giue satisfaction to all, I will here alleadge others of S. Dominicke. Let vs therfore heare what Barelet (not contenting himselfe with the former places) saith further of his Saint Dominicke and of his order. Haec (saith he) est illa religio quae in vn [...] veteri Testamento significata, Zachar. 6. Ecce quatuor quadrigae, &c. that is, (for I will onely translate these words) See what an excellent religion this is, which was prefigured in the old Testament by Zachar: chap. 6. Behold there came foure chariots out from betweene two mountaines. In the first chariot were red horses, that is, MINORITES: In the second blacke horses, that is, EREMITES: In the third were white horses, that is CARMELITES: In the fourth lusty horses of diuers colours, to wit, the PREACHING FRIERS.

9 But these Doctors not content to abuse the Scripture to make sport (as when they made iests of certaine texts) or to fill their purses and panches the better (as when the Franciscan applied that to his Saint Francis, or the Iacobin to his Saint Dominicke which was spoken of Christ) being accustomed to a wanton kinde of licentious libertie in playing and dallying therewith, made it come at their whistle and serue them for all assaies, euen to confirme their dreames and dotages; though no more to the purpose, then Magnificat for Mattins, to vse their owne prouerbe. In whose Postils and Dominicals, albeit there be almost as many examples as leaues or lines; yet two or three shall suffice. And first we will beginne with the iolly Preacher Barelet, who vpon these words in the last of Saint Luke, Art thou onely a Pilgrime in Ierusalem, and knowest not the things that haue bene done there in these dayes? saith, that Christ was a Pilgrime in three respects, (for to fit his purpose the better, I must translate peregrinus a Pilgrime) namely in regard of his apparell, his lodging, and the implements which he carried about with him. First for his habit and attire, a Pilgrime hath a bottle, a scrip, a hat, and a staffe. So Christ had first his bottle viz. the flesh which he tooke of the virgine Mary; which was of three colors: First white, through the virgins purity. Apoc. 19. After, I saw the heauens open, & behold a white horse. Secondly red, with the blood of the crosse. Esay 63. Why are thy garments red? Thirdly, black, when his body became blacke and blew vpon the crosse. Esay the 53. Et liuore eius sanati sumus. Secondly, he had a scrip, to wit his soule, full of the gold of grace and glory. Thirdly, he had a hatte, namely a crowne of thornes. Fourthly, a staffe, viz. the crosse. This is the reason why it is said, Art thou onely a pilgrime in Ierusalem? namely in regard of his attire. He was also a pilgrime in regard of his lodging: For pilgrimes &c. And did not Menot reason with very good grace (saue that his argument was not in forma) when he argued thus, Chorea est iter circulare: Diaboli iter est circulare: Ergo chorea est motus Diaboli: and proued the minor▪ that Diaboli iter est circulare, by these places, Iob. 1. Circuiui terram (note that it is the Diuell which speaketh) & perambulaui eam. 1. Peter. 5. Circuit quaerens quem deuoret. And Psal. 11. In circuitu impij ambulant. But let vs heare a more strange deuice hammered out of his owne head; and consider how trimly he descanteth vpon the ground of the Gāmuth VT, RE, MI, FA, SOL, LA, in a mimicall manner playing vpon euery note with some text of Scripture, as if the holy Ghost had purposely written it for that end. For he playes vpon VT with a [Page] text beginning with VT, and vpon RE with another beginning with RE, and so of the rest. Which fond and phantasticall conceipt because it could not be kept well in English, I haue here set it downe in his owne words, in Latine▪ fol. 29. Col. 1. Vos mundani audite, quia ad vos dirigitur verbum, nec est meū, sed illius qui pependit in [...]ruce. Luc. 6. Vae vobis qui ridetis, quia flebitis. Et timeo ne cante [...]is semel cantilenam damnatorum, qui (sicut columba) habet gemitum & fletum pro cantu. Hic cantus habet sex notas valdè miserabiles, scilicet, VT, RE, MI, FA, SOL, LA▪ Primam notam profer [...] quilibet damnatus dicens, Vtinam consumptus essem, ne oculus me videret, Iob. 10. Secundā verò addit dicens, Repleta enim malis anima mea. Psal. 87. Et omnes alij respondent cum eo, Repleti sumus despectione, Psal. 122. Tertiam omnes insimul cantant, dicentes, Miserabiles facti sumus omnibus hominibus. 1. Cor. 15. Quartam cantat quilibet eorum dicens, Facies mea intumuit à fletu. Iob. 16. Item, faciem meam operuit caligo. Iob. 23. Quintam addunt omnes simul dicentes, Sol iustitiae non est ortus nobis, & in malitia nostra consumpti sumus. Sap. 5. Sextam cantāt simul dicentes, Lassati sumus in via iniquitatis. Sap. 5. Et iterum, Lassis non datur requies: & pellis nostra quasi clibanus exus [...] est [...] & defecit gaudium cordis nostri, ac conuersus est in luctum chorus noster; & cecidit corona capitis nostri: Vae nobis quia peccauimus. Thren. vltimo.

10 They further abuse the Scripture in tying themselues to the words (like an Ape to his clog) neuer considering the scope and circumstances of the place, albeit their manner is not to stand vpon the literall sense at all; but to reduce all they haue to say, to certaine Allegoricall, Anagogicall and Tropologicall senses. For example, Menot, to shew that we are not to wonder that the most holy Saints & dearest seruants of God should be so sore afraid, when death drawes neare and knocks at the dore, hath these words: What? would you haue vs more certaine of our saluation then S. Paul, who was rauished in a vision, and rapt into the third heauen, an elect vessell, chosen by our Lord to be an Apostle? True it is, he once said, I desire to be dissolued and to be with Christ. But when it came to the point indeed, he slunke backe, and said, I appeale vnto Caesar. Acts 25.

11 But if further inquiry were made, it would (no doubt) be found that they haue sundry other wayes most wickedly prophaned the holy Scriptures: but for this present I will content my selfe with these already mentioned. For in that they abuse certaine places in following the old translation, and stand so stifly vpon the words, that they ground strange conclusions thereon▪ though it be a manifest fault, yet is it more pardonable then the former. For the Liripipium will not giue these licenti [...]s (I meane our great graduats, the Batchelers and Doctors of Sorbonne) leaue to busie their braines with the Greeke and Ebrew, but to content themselues if they can serue out a messe (I should haue said a Masse) with the Latin ladle: as for these learned languages, to leaue them as they find them.

12 I come now to the height of their villany, the quintessence of their forgery shold I say? or rather knauery, in foisting in a number of sentences vnder the name of Scripture, which are not to be found either in the old or new Testament. No maruaile therfore if they haue bene so bold with the ancient doctors in alleadging their testimonies to proue the vertue and efficacy of their Masse, as we may see in the end of that worthy work of Conformities; where we find a number of sweete sayings in cōmendation of their Masse▪ gathered (as it is there said) out of S. Ierom. S. Augustin, S. Chrysostome, and other ancient fathers, which are no where to be found in the [...] workes: nay, which are cleane crosse and contrary to the tenour of their doctrine. And we may well assure our selues, they were neuer so le [...]d as to belch forth such blasphemies, as that which is fathered vpon S. Chrysostome Tantum valet[Page]celebratio Missae, quantum Christi passio: quia sicut mors Christi redemit nos à peccatis: sic Missae celebratio saluat nos; that is, The sacrifice of the Masse is of as great vertue, force and efficacy, as the passion of Christ: for as the death of Christ hath freed vs frō sin; so the sacrifice of the Masse saueth vs. O the blasphemy of these filthy Fryers.

CHAP. XXXIII. Of other abuses of Scripture.

WE heard in the former Chapter how the professors of the Roman religion were wont to wring & wrest the Scripture, and to alleadge them hab-nab without either rime or reason, and how some were faulty herein of ignorance, and others of malice: but here we shall see how they abuse it after another manner. First therefore we are to note, that when they saw they could not set any glosse vpon their lies and Legends (in that they could not find a text though neuer so strained that might giue any colour thereto) their manner was to face it out with shamelesse lyes, as if they had had their budgets full of tickling texts. And how (I beseech you) did they manage the matter? They made (forsooth) euery lying Legend a maxime and principle hauing sufficient light in it selfe, and needing no proofe from any place of Scripture; though euery place be a proofe, and euery text a sufficient testimony, as they would beare vs in hand. For they knew that the poore people, whom they had enchanted with the whore of Babilons filthy cup of abominations, did think them to be such, without all doubt or dispute. And that it is euen so, tell me (gentle Reader) how often thou hast heard this Prouerbe, It is as true as God is in the Masse, spoken by our good Catholikes, who were of opinion, that there was no article in Christian religion more certen and sure then this? For who was not perswaded in old time, that euery page in the Bible did speake thereof? No maruaile therfore if they entertained such fables hand ouer head, without demanding proofe or place of Scripture for confirmation thereof. Howbeit they went a step further when they told the people in their sermōs that the Lutherans (whō they afterward baptised Huguenots) were much like that wicked wretch Caine, who would not once heare Masse in all his life: wheras his brother Abel (that good Church-man) heard it euery day. But a Curate in Sauoy went beyond them all; for exhorting his parishioners to pay their tithes, he said, take heed (good brethren) how you follow the example of that cursed caitiffe Caine: follow rather the example of good Abel. For Caine would neither pay his tithes nor yet heare Masse, whereas Abel paied them duly, and that of the fairest, and of the best; and neuer a day went ouer his head in which he heard not one Masse at the least. Now albeit I could easily name this gētle Curate, yet I wil spare him for this once: only let me add this one thing, that he was not so well prouided of an answer, when it was proued to his face, and that out of his owne words, that Priests in those dayes were maried. For he was as mute as a fish, when he was encountered with this argument. Good Sir, at that time whereof you speake, there were but foure in all the world, to wit, Adam, Eue, Caine, and Abel: now Caine did neither sing nor yet say Masse; for he could not (you say) endure to heare it. And as for Abel, he could not both sing himselfe, and also heare it. It remaines therfore that Adam sung it, and that Abel or Eue ansvvered, and held the torch: whence it followeth that Priests were then maried. But if he had had but one dram of wit, he might haue answered that there were Martin Priests in those dayes who both sung and answered themselues. Another Curate (his pue-fellow) affirmed in open Sermon, that when the Angell Gabriel came to [Page] salute the virgin Mary, he found her saying our Ladies Psalter. And to sute the story of Abel who heard Masse euery day, we may not in any wise forget, how that Abraham, Isaac, Iacob, and other good Patriarchs neuer went to bed without making the signe of the crosse, and saying their Pater noster and their Aue Mary. Now if a man should haue asked these silly soules, how they knew this or that? It sufficed for a full answer, to say that they heard it of such a good preacher; witnes the common saying, It is true, for I heard a Preacher say so.

2 But the diuell foreseeing that the simple people would one day search the Scriptures, and so perceiue when our great Sorbonicall doctors strained the string too high, & went a note aboue Ela; fearing to lose his right for default of shewing good euidence, hath foisted in a number of counterfet Apocryphall writings, thereby to bleare the eyes of the simple, who cannot perceiue his false iuggling: I meane a bundle of bookes fathered vpon the Apostles or their disciples; and yet fraught and farced with diuellish doctrine, flat contrary to that of the Apostles: nay with such fables, as Christian eares can no more endure to heare, then the fictions and fooleries of Mahomets Alcoran. Neither is it of late time that he vsed this deuice to shake and (as much as in him lay) to ouerturne and ruinate the very foundations of our religion: for many yeares ago he vented abroad Euangelium Nicodemi, Euangelium Thomae, Euangelium Bartholomaei, Euangelium Nazaraeorum, Librum Pastoris, and such like: albeit he laboureth now afresh to the vttermost of his power to infect the world with the stench of them againe. Whereof he hath giuen a pregnant proofe in a damnable booke, intituled Proteuangelion, si [...]e de natalibus Iesu Christi, & matris ipsius virginis Mariae. For the better authorizing whereof, he hath fathered it vpon S. Iames, calling him cosin-german and brother to Christ. But what containes it, may we thinke? Verily such sweet stuffe as this: how Anne the virgin Maries mother (and wife to Ioachim) makes her mone to God in regard of her barrennesse, affirming that he dealt worse with her then with any other creature: worse then with the very elements, the water, and the earth, which brought forth fishes, herbes and plants. But first she alleadgeth the example of the birds, which she remembred by seeing a sparrowes nest in a Lawrell tree vnder which she sate: and she had no sooner ended her complaint, but an Angell tooke his flight towards her, (for it is expresly said, aduolauit) and said vnto her, O Anne, God hath heard thy prayer, thou shalt conceiue and beare a child, and shalt be famous through the world. Wherupō she vowed to dedicate her child to God, whether it were male or female. The Angell hauing done his message, brought the same newes to Ioseph her husband, who would not beleeue it, till he was by miracle confirmed in the truth of the Angels report. To be short, at the end of nine moneths she was deliuered of the virgin Mary; and (according to her vow) presented her to God, when she was but three yeares old: where she was receiued with many ceremonies by the high priest, who prophe [...]ied that mankind by her should be redeemed. It is further said, that he set her vpon the third step of the Altar, where, as she stood (through Gods goodnesse) she began to dance trimly. And this she did to winne the loue and liking of the Israelites. Now here it is to be noted, that during the time of her abode in the Temple, she was fed like a doue, receiuing her viands from the hand of the Angell. But when she was twelue yeares of age, the Scribes assembled and consulted what course they should take with her (being now come to those yeares) that the sanctified of the Lord might not be polluted. Meane time Zachary the high priest had a reuelation as he was praying, that he should assemble all widowers in towne and country, and that each man [Page] should bring a rod with him, that she might be committed to his care and custody, whom God should chuse by miracle. All which being done accordingly, a doue came out of Iosephs rod and light vpon his head: whereupon the high Priest said, God hath hereby manifested that it is his wil and pleasure thou shouldest haue the custody of this holy virgin. But Ioseph refused, saying, I haue a great charge, and now am old, and she but yong; therefore (I feare me) the children of Israel would laugh me to scorne, if I should take her to wife. But when he heard of the fearfull iudgements of God which befell Core, Dathan and Abyram, being greatly moued therewith he said; Mary, I take thee here from the Temple of the Lord, howbeit I wil leaue thee at my house, and returne to my Carpenters occupation: and I beseech God blesse and preserue thee now and euer. Now certain yeares after, as she went with a pitcher to draw water, she heard a voice from heauē, saying vnto her, Aue gratia plena, &c. Afterwards are inserted certain sentences takē out of the Gospel: and in the end it is added, how that being now 16. yeares of age, and great with child (as hauing gone six moneths) Ioseph returning from his worke, wherein he had employed himselfe for certaine yeares (comming not home so much as once in all that time) and finding her great with child, was much amated. And as he was communing with her about sundry things, an Angell appeared vnto him, and certified him of all these proceedings. But it was great pitie that a Scribe who came to speak with Ioseph, perceiuing Mary to be with child, should make towne and country ring of it againe, in such sort, that they were forthwith apprehended and brought before the high Priest: where when Ioseph affirmed that he neuer vsed fleshly familiaritie with her; and she againe protested that she neuer had carnal company with him nor with any other man, he caused them to drinke the water of Iealousie: which when they had drunke, and felt no inconuenience; he said, that seeing God would not detect them, he would not be the man that should condemne them. After, follow the words of S. Luke chap. 2. how that Ioseph was of necessitie to bring her to Bethlem by reason of the royall commaundement which came from Augustus Caesar: but it is not done without a lie for the whetstone, and vsing such villanous speeches as these, That when Mary said to Ioseph, Depone me ab asina, quia quod in me est me vrget vt progrediatur, he tooke her downe, and said vnto her, vbi te inducam vt tegam pudenda? quia locus desertus est. Lastly, it is said that she was brought in bed in a caue neare Bethlem (sauing the credit of S. Luke who writeth otherwise,) and that Ioseph found a midwife (by great good lucke) who met with another afterwards called Salome, who not beleeuing that a virgin could haue a child, came to take triall thereof. But I had neede of a brow of brasse & a face of flint, the like bebauched impudency that the author of this story had, if I should set it downe in English: I will therefore content my selfe with the Latin here ensuing, Exiit (que) obstetrix ex spelunca & obuiauit illi Salome, & dixit obstetrix ipsi Salome, magnum tibi spectaculum habeo narrare, virgo genuit quem non capit natura ipsius: & virgo manet virgo: dixit (que) Salome, viuit Dominus Deus meus, nisi scrutata fuero naturam eius, non credam quòd peperit. Et ingrediens obstetrix, dixit ipsi Mariae, Reclina teipsam, magnum enim tibi certamen incumbit. Quum autem in ipso loco palpauit eam Salome, egressa est dicens, Vae mihi impiae & perfidae: quoniam tentaui Deū viuent [...]m. Et ecce, manus mea igne ardens cadit à me. Et flexit genua ad Deum, & ait, Deus, &c.

3 But to leaue the rest to those steele stomackes that can digest it, considering there are many things there ript vp farre worse without comparison then any of the former: consider with me (good Reader) a little, how the diuell hath openly [Page] mocked and plaied (as it were) with the nose of Christendome, in publishing this booke, blindfolding in the meane time the eies of the world. For he vsed him as his instrument in the compiling and publishing thereof, who laboured tooth and naile, by word and writing, to make a hotch-potch of these two religions (if they may be called religions) viz. Mahometizme and Iudaizme with Christian religion: him I say he vsed as his Amanuensis, who publikely preached and stifly maintained sundry grosse heresies, not onely full of blasphemie, but euen repugnant to ciuill honesty: I meane that worshipfull writer master William Postell. But how (may some say) was it euer possible that this booke, being composed by such a vile monster, was not suspected, as it should haue bene, had it bene deliuered by an Angell from heauen? For answer whereunto, we are to know that the diuell (as I said) hath exposed Christendome as a laughing-stocke, and wonderment to the world, and hath (as it were) with Mercuries pipe lulled our Argosses asleepe, whose office is to stand Sentinel ouer the State. True it is (I confesse) the villanies of these varlets were not so well detected in those dayes as they haue bene since: notwithstanding so much was then discouered, as was sufficient to giue warning thereof: which I will leaue as being now (God be thanked) sufficiently well knowne: and will come to the phrase and style of the booke. I say then, and will iustifie it to any skilfull Hebrician, that he hath coyned sundry Hebraismes, and fained them of his very fingers, and foisted them among those which are vsuall and ordinary in the Scripture. As for the phrase it is so affected, that it doth plainely bewray it self. The matter also of the booke was forged by such a spirite as Postels was (if he were not the author thereof) in scorne of Christian religion: where the author to make a faire florish, and colour the matter with some probabilitie, hath inserted certaine sentences of the Euangelists in manner of a rhapsodie, and shuffled in others to which he supposed he could giue some lustre by certaine texts of the old Testament, as namely that of the water of Iealousie, &c. Thus thou seest (gentle Reader) to what impudencie some diuellish spirits are grown at this day. But if any curious Athenian desire to heare more of this stuffe (I meane of such counterfaite bookes foisted in by the craft and subtilty of Sathan) he shall find a great lurry of them in a booke called Orthodoxographa Theologiae sacrosanctae (and garnished with sundry other flanting titles) which seemes to haue bene written of purpose in scorne and derision of Christian religion. For if the doctrine therein contained be orthodoxall, doubtlesse the doctrine of the Bible must needs be hereticall. Necessary therefore it is we should haue a speciall regard to what writings we giue such glorious titles, seeing that in giuing it to one, we take it from another, they being as cō trary as day and darkenesse. If any shall here say, that some of them are translated out of Hebrew, and others out of Greeke; yet when he hath proued the point, he may put the gaine in his eye. For it is easily answered, that the diuell can shew him selfe a diuell as well in Hebrew and Greeke as in any other language. Now this Protoeuangelium I haue encountered rather then any of the rest, for that it is fathered vpon Saint Iames, cosingerman and brother to Christ, as the title purporteth. For in the first impression (which is in a smal volume with the annotations) it hath this title, Proteuangelion, siue de natalibus Iesu Christi & ipsius matris virginis Mari [...] sermo historicus diui Iacobi minoris, consobrini & fratris Domini Iesu, Apostoli primarij & Episcopi Christianorum primi Hierosolymis. Howbeit in the second impression, where it is made a part of the foresaid booke, intituled Orthodoxographa, S. Iames is not called cosingerman, but onely brother of Christ. I haue, I say, encountred this booke rather then any of that rable, to the end the Reader by this may take [Page] a tast of the rest. For if they durst publish such stuffe vnder the name of S. Iames, what would they not dare to do vnder the name of Nicodemus, and a number of such worshipfull writers as are there to be seene? And thus much for a tast, for the whole tunne is of the same liquor, colour and tang. There was likewise another damnable booke published since that time vnder the name of S. Iames. The Acts also of the Apostles haue bin dispensed abroad into many hands, composed by one Abdias, whose writings (though altogether impious and prophane) some haue not bin ashamed to glosse in sundry places as well in the preface as in the body of the booke, and to affirme that he either tooke it out of S. Luke, or S. Luke out of him. Besides all these, the Ecclesiasticall history it selfe hath bin published by a diuellish Monke called Nicephorus Calistus, whom I call a cloister diuell not without cause. For besides that he was a cloisterer by his profession, he sheweth himselfe as ignorant as a Monk, as impudent as a Monk, as wicked and prophane as a Monk: so ignorant, that euen yong children may teach him his lesson: so impudent, that he is not ashamed to tell most shamefull lies: and so prophane, that he sticketh not to iest and gibe at God himselfe and his holy truth. All which particulars shall one day (God willing) be manifested and layd open to the world.

4 Now albeit the foresaid Preachers might finde in these and such like classicke writers, prety store of trim tales, euer ready at hand when they meant to step into the pulpit to giue their quarter blowes: yet they were not negligent to furnish themselues with other maner of ware, which they might mingle with the old, and not euer cloy their auditory with stale stuffe. Or if haply they alleadged any author, they alleadged such as were [...]picke and span new, comming newly smoking from the presse. Which puts me in mind of that which I once heard deliuered by one Bonauenture (a Franciscan) in a Sermon which he made at Ipre in Flanders: where he affirmed, that when Christ was growne a prety tall stripling, able to take paines and to follow his occupation, Ioseph employed him in his trade, commaunding him to saw a peece of wood; where he missing the marke which he had made him to saw by, sawed it ouer short: whereupon Ioseph being very angry, would haue beaten him; and he had lamskinned him indeed if he had not stept aside and taken vp a cudgell to defend himselfe: which made Ioseph take vp another, either of them weilding their weapon and keeping their standing. And whence trow we (said the Frier) learned he this? Out of S. Annes Gospell, I warrant you. And I remember I haue read a like story of another Franciscan called Bardotti, which may fitly parallele the former, who preaching at Bourdeaux, of the good theefe to whom our Sauiour said, This day thou shalt be with me in Paradise: affirmed he had found in a certain Gospel the reason why he went straight to heauen, not so much as saluting Purgatory by the way; because that when Christ fled into Aegypt, he would not suffer his fellowes to rob him nor those that were with him: and that he should say vnto him, I beseech you Sir remember me another time for the good turne I haue done you: which he promised to do; and so did, when they hung together vpon the crosse. Thus we see these ghostly fathers could neuer be drawne dry, considering they had as many Gospels as they could desire: out of some of which, they took many fine fables to make their auditors some sport: out of others sundry miracles able to rauish them with admiration (I meane such miracles and lying wonders as the Euangelists neuer mention:) and out of others, answers to sundry obiections, which might marre their mirth, by putting out the great fire of their greasie kitchin. As this Bardotti, who hauing much ado to maintaine his Purgatory against the foresaid place of the Euangelist, alleadged this story for a full [Page] answer. I haue also heard of another Preacher who serued his turne very well with this voyage into Aegipt, to assoile a question wherewith he was sore troubled, viz. when that was fulfilled which was foretold by the Prophet Ezechiel, Et disperdam simulachra & cessare faciam idola de Memphis? for he said, it was then fulfilled when our Sauiour fled into Aegypt, being but a child. I come now to their lying legends and pretended reuelations.

CHAP. XXXIIII. Of fables taken out of their Legends, and such like baggage, wherewith they stuffed their Sermons.

BVt the store-house of most idle, most addle and Frier-like fables, hath bene and is the book intituled The golden Legend of the Saints, containing such a number of absurd and ridiculous tales, that the Reader had neede to hold hard behinde, for marring his breeches: which French-men do oftener in the vintage then any other season. Neither is he to be too nice or daintie; for he shall meet with many places, out of which he shall neuer be able to extricate himself, without doing that which fresh-water souldiers do, as not hauing bin vsed to the sea. Amongst which (if I may iudge of other mens conceits by mine owne) these may be numbred. Frater Iuniperus (whō S. Francis held for a very holy mā) purposing on a time to play the cooke very brauely, put chickens into a great pot, without either pluming, drawing or washing them; as also fresh and poudered beefe, together with herbs, pease, beanes, and such like pulse, neither washing or clensing them: and boiling all these together ouer a great fire, serued in this goodly dish of meate, and set it before his fellowes. The same Frater Iuniperus (and here a man had need to haue a strong stomack indeed) being lodged vpon a time in a good bed, and faire cleane sheets, layd pilgrime salue therein, which he left his host for full paiment, without giuing him any other farewell. Both which tales are taken out of the booke of Conformities before alleadged; the first, fol. 62. the second, fol. 63. both these modest stories being there recorded to shew the humilitie of this holy Frier. But if humilitie did consist in the second pranke here specified, questionlesse there would be none comparable to that of yong children; for they play this slippery trick oftener then their nurses would haue them: yet we must not iudge rashly of this fact of Iuniperus; for he knew (it may be) by reuelation that he was to set another hew vpon the sheets before he went thence. And what can a man tel whether it was not a receipt which he had learned in some Legend? For let me but speake this one thing in his behalfe, that it is scarce probable that the stinke of these excrements should be like other mens, especially considering we reade in the foresaid booke of Conformities fol. 51. how that a Monke of the same Couent called Ruffin, draue away the diuell by threatning to vntrusse a point into his throate: for it is there said, that when the diuell heard this, he ranne away in a maruellous rage, as if a tempest had bin at his taile: whereas going backe for feare of holy water, he doth not make a whit the more hast. Now if the diuell was in such a bodily feare, to be so perfumed by Frier Ruffin, the perfume doubtlesse which Frier Iuniperus left behind him in his bed to pay his host withall, was more then Memphiticall.

[Page]2 Pardon me good Reader, if I be too broad; for I am inforced to accommodate my selfe to the matter in hand. For (as the Greeke prouerbe saith) It is hard to find modest words to expresse immodest things. Notwithstanding I do not (as thou mayst perceiue) say the worst I can of these filthy Friers, for the respect I haue of their holy mother the Church: but if I take them tardy the second time, let them assure themselues, I will curry their cockscombs for altogether.

3 But who is such an Heraclitus that would not burst with laughter, when he shall reade in the life of S. Dominicke, how he besieged the diuels in a certaine demoniack, and would not suffer them to depart without giuing pledges: and how in the end they got the holy Martyrs which lay buried in the Church, to be their sureties? But that I may the better satisfie the Reader, I wil here set downe the very words of the story, as they lie in the old French tongue. Vn homme estoit demoniacle de plusieurs diables, lequel lui fut presenté (assauoir à S. Dominique) & il prit l'estole, & la mit sur son col. Et puis en ceignit le col au demoniacle, & commanda à iceu [...] que d'oresenauant ils ne tourmentassent celui homme. Et tantost ils furent tourmētez dedans lui fourment, & dirent, Laisse-nous aller. Pour quoi nous contrains tu à estre tourmentez? Et il dit, Ie ne vous laisseray iusqu' à tant que m'aurez donné plege que ne re [...]ournerez plus. Et ils dirent, Quels pleges vous pouuons-nous donner? Et il dit, Les saincts martyrs qui reposent en ces [...]e eglise. Et ils dirent, Nous ne pouuons, car nos merites ne le requi [...]rent pas. Et il dit, Il conuient que vous les donniez, ou ie ne vous laisseray pas aller quittes. Et ils respondirent, Qu'ils y mettroyent peine. Et apres vn peu de temps ils dirent, laçoit ce que nous ne soyons p [...]s dignez, nous auons impetré que les saincts martyrs nous plegerout. Et il requit auoir signe de ces [...]e chose. Et ils dirent, Allez à la cháce où les ch [...]s des martyrs sont, & vous les trouuerez renuersez. Adonc allerent, & fut ainsi [...]ouué comme ils auoyent dit. That is, A certaine man possessed with many diuels, was brought to S. Dominicke, who tooke the stole and girded it fast about his necke, commaunding them that from thencefoorth they should not torment him: and foorthwith they were grieuously tormented within him, and said, Suffer vs to depart, Why doest thou thus torment vs? To whom he answered, You shal not depart, vntil you haue gotten some to be your sureties, that ye wil neuer enter into him again. They said, What sureties? The holy Martyrs (said he) which lie here in the Church. Whereunto they answered, Our merits do not deserue that. Well, you must procure thē (said he) to giue their words for you, otherwise you shall not be set free. They answered, they would do their endeuour: and returning againe not long after, said, Albeit we be vnworthy, yet haue we gotten the holy Martyrs to be our sureties. Then he demanded a signe of them. If you go to the shrines (said they) where the s [...]uls of the Martyrs lie, you shall find them ouerturned. Whereupon French they went ▪ but not so sutable to the story. he went, and found it as they had said. After which story (or fable rather) this other followeth, which for the grace it hath, deserues to go with it hand in hand. It happened that as this holy father preached on a time, certaine simple seduced women fell downe at his feet, and said: O thou man of God help vs. If this doctrine which thou hast taught be true, an erroneous spirit hath this long time blinded our minds. To whom he said, Feare not, stay a litle, and you shall see what master you serue. And immediatly they saw a blacke cat leaping in among them, of the bignesse of a great curre, with flaming eyes, a long, large and bloudy tongue reaching downe to her brest: a crooked writhen taile turning vp on high, shewing her posteriorums which way soeuer she went, whence came a horrible stinch: who hauing fisked this way and that way about these deuout dames a long time, in the end went vp by the bel-ropes, and left a filthy stinke behind her. And so these women [Page] thanked God, and turned to the Catholicke faith. But because such stories as these are but Frier-like fables, very harsh to all mens eares that are not Frierified: I thinke it good whilest they are now listning and attentiue, to let them heare at once, the rest I do remember. First then (fol. 211. of the foresaid booke of Conformities) we reade how S. Francis, to shew that he was a pure virgin, stripped himselfe naked before the Bishop of Assise; and others; and how he gaue his breeches to the foresaid father, shewing that he was not defiled with women. Thus much for the master. Let vs now heare how well his schollers followed his example. Fol. 62. Frier Leonard putting off his breeches at the gate of Viterbe, put them vpon his head, and binding his other apparell like a fardell about his necke, went starke belly naked through the streets, where he endured many villanies: afterwards he went into the Friery, where all the Friers cried shame vpon him: but he was so holy a man, that he respected not what they said; telling them that he had done the like as he passed through two other cities. There is also mention made of another of his disciples, which tooke pleasure in playing the like pageant: who whether he resemble the doggish Diogenes or not, let the Reader iudge.

4 And now I come to those examples, which will not giue a man his breakefast, (as the former) but onely his belly full of laughing cheare, so as he may perhaps indanger that which I spake of. And if you please to beginne with S. Francis, let vs listen a little to his great wisedome recorded fol. 114. of the said booke; how he saluted the birds, spake vnto them, and called them his brethren, commanding them to hearken to the word of God: and how they hearing him preach vnto them, reioiced exceedingly, thrusting out their necks, and opening their beakes one vpon another, ma [...]king him all the while very attentiuely: and how when the sermon was ended, he walked through the middest of them, and permitted them to depart. Wherupon they flew all away with a great noise, and deuided thēselues into foure companies, according to the foure quarters of the world, therby signifying that the order of Saint Francis should be renoumed, and dispersed throughout the earth. Againe, fol. 149. we reade that a Grashopper abode eight daies with him, in stead of Saint Mary, and that when he called her, she flue vnto him and light vpon his head, and so taking leaue of him departed. As also how a Nightingale and he song Anthemes a whole day together by course. Againe, fol. 114. how he made the Swallows to cease their chattering, calling thē sisters. And in the same page, how he cured a man-keene wolfe (which had hurt many in the citty;) by making the signe of the crosse, and how he made this agreement with him any brother wolfe, thou must here promise me, that thou wilt not rauen as heretofore thou hast done; and then the citie will keepe thee. Which the wolfe promised to do, bowing downe his head euidently. Then said Saint Francis, sweare vnto me vpō thine honesty, and therwith put forth his hand; where the wolf lifting vp his right foote, laid it gently in Saint Francis his hand. Who said my brother wolfe, I charge thee in the name of our Lord Iesus Christ, that thou follow me now presently which he did. We read also of sundry Saints, who tooke pleasure in talking with beasts: but this brotherhood with wolues is peculiar (I take it) to Saint Francis.

5 Further, who can containe himselfe when he shall read how Saint Macarius did seuen yeares penance among thorns and bushes, for killing of a flea? Which verily was another manner of penance then that which Saint Francis did for eating Coquinam de [...]ardone. But I may not forget another pranke plaied by Saint Dominicke, recorded towards the end of his legend, which was the fact of a bon-companion [Page] indeed, at leastwise so penned that it will make good fellowes sport, and minister vnto them matter of merriment; viz. that there was a holy Nun called Mary, who had a sore thigh, and had endured great paine of it for the space of fiue moneths, and was past hope euer to haue it cured: who thinking her selfe vnworthy to pray vnto God, or to be heard of him, besought Saint Dominick to be a mediator for her, that she might be restored to her limmes again. Where falling asleepe, shortly after she thought she saw Saint Dominicke close by her, and how he tooke from vnder his coape a strong smelling ointment, wherewith he annointed her thigh. And that when she asked him what it was; he should answer, that it was The ointment of loue. Which riddle I leaue to the Reader to reade as his fancie shall giue him: for my part I conceiue no otherwise of it, then of the priuate familiaritie which was betweene S. Francis and S. Claire (recorded fol. 84▪ booke of Conformities) and of his inward and familiar acquaintance with Fryer Masse, a beautifull young man, whom he once embraced and lifted vp from the ground, in such sort, that he thought himselfe all on a fire.

6 Moreouer in the Legend of Saint Germine, it is reported, how that he preaching on a time in Britaine, when the king would not entertaine him, nor those that were with him; a heardman (who came from feeding his cattell) carrying an almes to his cottage (with was giuen him at the pallace) and seeing this blessed Saint Germine and others with him hungry and cold, receiued them courteously into his house; and hauing but one calfe, caused it to be killed and dressed for thē. And that when supper was done Saint Germine caused the bones to be brought, and laid vpon the skinne, and hauing prayed ouer them, the calfe rose vp vpon his feete. The next morning he went to the king, and giuing him very hard language, asked him why he had denied him lodging? To which whē he could not tel what to answer, Saint Germine said, get thee hence, and leaue thy kingdom to thy better. Which done, he commaunded the herdman should come (and bring his wife with him) whom he crowned king in the presence of them all; (who wondered at the fact) so that euer after, the herdman and his successors enioyed the kingdome.

7 Againe, we read this fabulous story in the Legend of Saint Cosmas and S. Damian, word for word. Pope Felix (the eight after Saint Gregorie) built a famous Church at Rome in honour of Saint Cosmas and Saint Damian. In which Church there was one which attended vpon these holy Martyrs, who had his thigh almost eaten away with the canker. To whom as he was asleepe these Saints appeared, and brought with them instruments and oyntments. And the one said to the other, where shall we haue wherewith to fill vp the place, out of which we must cut this corrupt flesh? The other answered, there is an Aethiopian newly buried in the Churchyard of Saint Peters aux liens, fetch hither some of his flesh that we may put it in the place; who went presently into the Church-yard, and brought thence the dead mans thigh. They then cut off the sicke mans thigh, and put the dead mans thigh in stead thereof, and hauing carefully annointed the wound, caried his thigh to the dead man. Now when the Secretine awooke, he put his hand to his thigh, but felt no paine, nor yet any scarre or signe of his wound. And when he tooke the candle and saw his thigh well againe, he doubted of himselfe, thinking he had bene some other. But coming at last to himselfe, he leapt out of his bed for ioy: telling his friends what had befallen him in his sleepe, and how he had bene healed; whereupon they sending in all hast to the dead mans tombe, to know the truth, found the dead mans thigh cut off, and his in the graue, in stead thereof.

[Page]8 But if any desire to know more of these old wiues tales, let him reade the foresaid lying Legendary; or Nicephorus Calistus his Ecclesiasticall story; who (to omit other fables) reporteth that Saint Chrysostomes body spake after he was dead, and that Theodosius the Emperour sent letters vnto it: as also the sermons of Oliuer Maillard, and Michael Menot. And to the end he may furnish himselfe for all assays, let him reade fructuosissimos atque [...]nissimos sermones Fr. Gabrielis Baraleti, à toto verbisatorum coetu diu desideratos: as also Sermones Dormi securè: where they are huddled together one vpon another, thicke and threefold. But the booke of Conformities (mentioned before) containeth mo of these fond fables, quantity for quantity, thē any of the rest. There you shal find that it was as ordinary a thing with Saint Francis his nouices, to raise the dead, as to drinke a cup of beere, and as easie a matter as for a squirrell to crack a nut. As also how Saint Francis slue a man in his iollitie, that he might in a brauery raise him from the dead againe. Fol. 120. Locus est dictus de Nuceria, in quo Franciscus fecit illud insigne miraculum, quod cuiusdam medici filiū primogenitū priùs occidit, & contritū suscitando restituit. And not to rake vp the filth, nor rip vp the fooleries of their other lying Legends, you may see in the former chapter, which entreateth of our good Catholicks of the Popish Clergie, how many miracles are fathered vpon him. But the best is, that the most there spoken of are confirmed by the testimony of none, but of the diuell (so farre did those wicked wretches authors of that booke ouer-shoot themselues) and that sundry miracles which are there said to haue bene wrought by him and his disciples, were wrought by no other meanes, then by Satanical operation & diabolical illusions. Which though it be not there recorded, yet it was the will of God, these fables should so be penned that they might easily be descried.

9 I was here purposed to haue ended this rhapsody taken out of the Legends, but that two other came afterwards to my mind, recorded in the booke of Conformities, which in conscience I cannot omit. Fol. 72. A blind man rubbing his eyes with Frier Francis of Duratio's frocke, recouered his sight. Fol. 74. A woman of Tholouze being grieuously diseased with a bloudy flixe for the space of fourteene yeares, said in her selfe, O if I could but touch the hem of his garment I should be whole: which she did, and so was cured, &c. Fol. 64. Frier Bennet of Arezze bare great deuotion to S. Daniel, whose sepulcher in Babilon guarded with dragons he desired to see; but could not, by reason of the long iourney and feare of those serpents. Whereupon there appeared vnto him a huge and monstrous dragon, who set him vpon his taile, and caried him straight to Daniels sepulcher: where opening the tombe, he tooke one of Daniels fingers in deuotion, and forthwith was caried by the dragon backe againe into his place. Many are of opinion that it was an Angell of God. The same Frier, like a second Ionas, was cast into the sea in a tempest, and being suddenly inuironed with a little cloud, was caried to the terrestriall Paradise: whom when Enoch and Elias saw, they demaunded of him what he was? And when they heard that he was Saint Francis his brother, they danced for ioy, and led him about to shew him euery corner of Paradise. From thence he was caried back againe ouer the sea in a little cloud, which maruellously astonished those that beheld it.

10 But to returne to Frier Iuniperus. Fol. 91. Frier Iohn of the Vallies affirmeth, that he smelt the sauour of Iuniperus twelue leagues off; and note that they were twelue leagues of good measure: for he saith, Huius odorem, seu aduentum, frater Iohannes de vallibus, dixit se sensisse per viginti octo milliaria. And as Frier Iuniperus did all this in humilitie, so likewise (to shew his humilitie) he played with a little [Page] boy at titter-totter. And touching sottish humilitie, see here as foolish a part as euer was played by the wise men of Gotham. Fol. 74. Frater Thomas pollicem sibi amputauit propter humilitatem, ne sacerdos fieret, claruit multis miraculis: that is, Frier Thomas cut off his thumbe in humilitie, for feare of being made priest, and was famous for many miracles. I do the rather relate this tale in his originall (viz. in the very words and termes wherein it is written) because I doubt not but it will seeme as strange to the Readers as it did to me; especially if they shall consider the reason which is there giuen, that he did it through humilitie forsooth, that is, (as I conceiue of it) because he thought himselfe vnworthy to say Masse: whereas the poore Priest should not onely haue cut off his thumbe, as willing to lose a member of his bodie, but should rather haue died ten thousand deaths (if it had bin possible) as abhorring to be of the number of those Masse-mongers, I meane those butchers of our Sauiours body, or tormenting executioners, as much as in them lieth. Now what punishmēt he deserued for such indiscreet, or rather sottish humilitie, I leaue to the iudgement of the Reader. But the punishment which King Francis the first adiudged two companions vnto, who had cut off one anothers hand for feare of being sent to the gallies, was, that they should be sent to the gallowes, as I heard it credibly reported to Charles of Marillac, then Bishop of Vienne, and Embassadour for the French King at Ausbourgh.

11 As for their other drugs and draffe, mentioned in the title of this Chapter, by them I vnderstand other tales not taken out of their lying Legends (as the former) but forged by fond Friers, and fained of their fingers: some of them in the cels of contemplations, others in the cels of reuelations, and others in other blind corners. For it is the custom of those profound Preachers, and namely of the foure so often before alleadged, in reporting any story of their he or she Saints, to say that they had it out of the story of his life (which they call his Legend,) or out of such or such an author: and sometimes that they borrowed it at the second hand from such as had it by contemplation or reuelation: and sometime againe (which sometime, is oftentime with them) they alleadge no author at all, but content themselues with a hearesay or a scriptum est. Which I speake not onely in regard of the tales they tell vs of the Saints, but of that which they report of meaner persons also: a vsuall thing with them when they speake of any miracle, as I might easily instance by sundry examples; but I leaue the Reader to search for them in the sac [...]els of these worshipfull writers (who among the rest of their contemplatiue doctors, alleadge Landulphus and Bonauenture: as also certaine omnigatherums, intituled Reuelations, and among others Librum reuelationum Elizabeth) and will content my selfe onely with three histories or fables, one of which is of the rabble and riffe raffe of those which the Friers and Priests haue in high account, because they helpe to make their kitchins hot. The story is this (in the Sermons intituled Dormi securè, in dedicatione Ecclesiae, sermon 68.) Legitur de quodam sacerdote, qui in quadam Missa liberauit de Purgatorio animas nonaginta nouem: & quum interrogaretur, &c. that is, We reade of a certain Priest, who by saying a Masse, deliuered ninety and nine soules out of Purgatory. And being demaunded why he stayed there, and went not on to an hundred, to make vp a round number: he answered, that a diuellish doore hindred him, which striking against the wal, made such a noise that he quite forgot where he was: and being then wrapt in contemplatiō, it put him cleane out of the socket. The second story or fable (story for them, fable for vs) is this▪ In Natiuitate Domini, serm. 69. vnde legitur exemplum, quòd fuerint duae Iuuenculae, &c. that is, (somewhat to abridge the Latin Legend) There were two yong maids [Page] which conuersed very familiarly together, who on Christmasse euen at night, after they had heard the first Masse, sequestring themselues from the rest of the Nunnes, went apart into an odde corner of the Cloister, there to chat of this child Iesus, listning when they would ring to the second Masse. Where sitting together, the one said to the other, Why haue you two cushions, and I but one? I will lay one of them (quoth the other) in the midst betwixt vs, for the child Iesus to sit vpon: for he hath promised (as the Euangelist saith) that where two or three are gathered together in his name, he will be there in the middest amongst them. This done, they sate there together (taking great pleasure in such talke) from the Natiuitie of Christ to the Natiuitie of S. Iohn Baptist, that is, from Christmas til Midsommer: all which time seemed to them as if it had bin but two houres. In the meane time the Abbatesse and the rest of the Nunnes were sore perplexed, wondering not a little what was become of these nouices. Now it fortuned vpō Iohn Baptists eue, that a heardman passing by the place where they sate, and espying a goodly child sitting vpon a cushion betweene them, went forthwith to the Abbatesse, and acquainted her therewith: who following him to the place, saw this child, which seemed to her to play with the girles. They then being found there by the Abbatesse, were much abashed, and asked her if they had rung to the second Masse? for they supposed they had not stayd there aboue two houres: where she hauing told them, that they had bin there halfe a yeare, viz. from Christmasse to Midsommer, they wondered exceedingly. And being asked whither the child was gone which sate betwixt them; they protested and sware they saw no child there. So I had bread & cheese, and came my way home. Let vs now come to the third, taken out of Barelete. Saint Katherine saying on a time the fiftie first Psalme, beginning Miserere mei Deus, and being come to Cor mundum crea in me Deus, Create in me, O God, a cleane heart: our Lord appeared to her, and tooke out her heart: and after three dayes were expired (during which time she had no heart) he gaue her a new heart, and said, Good daughter Katherine I haue giuen thee a new heart, that thou mightest be cleane in my sight. In signe whereof (although the place was closed vp and healed againe) there remained a litle scarre euer after. To which she hauing respect in her prayers, was wont to say, Lord I commend thine heart and not mine vnto thee. Which tale of a tub he tooke as it seemes out of the legend of this Saint, though like a filching fellow he cunningly conceale it.

12 And now I hope (gentle Reader) I haue fulfilled my promise which I made in the title of this chapter: for which cause I doubt not but I haue deserued wel of our holy mother the church; But to come to their works of supererogatiō: I wil bestow some paines to shew, how these Preachers applyed their tales, stories or fables, in their sermōs. First, they begin with a place of Scripture, which they cal a theame (whence commeth this fine phrase, Iuxta thema praelibatum) which if it be sutable to the matter they intend to speake of, it is so much the better: if not, there is no remedy, they must take it as it is, and patience. Now here note, that though they were to preach of any Saint, yet would they take some text which speakes either of Christ, or of some other. For example, one of the sermons in that worthy worke called Dormi securè, de S [...]ncto Andrea, sermone 1. beginneth thus; Christo confixus sum cruci, Galat. 2. Notate charissimi (dicit enim beatus Augustinus super verbo praedicto) quòd Christus &c. Certè hoc fecit sanctus Andreas, cum magno desiderio quieuit per biduum in cru [...]e, & in eo obdormiuit in Domino, ideo conuenienter dicit, Christo confixus sum. And in the sermō de S. Augustino, Tu signaculū similitudinis Dei, plenus sapientiae, Ezech. 28. And a little after: Quare meritò dicitur de eo (sancto Augustino) [Page]tu signacuium similit. &c. In quibus quidem verbis tria notantur, in quibus sanctus Augustinus commendatur, primum est, &c. And in the 13. sermon De sancta Agnete. Quàm pulchra es & decora charissima in delitijs. Cant. 7. Notate charissimi: dicit enim sanctus Gregorius, quòd mos est amantium mutua collaudation [...] laetari. Hinc est enim quòd De [...] filius, qui, &c. aduertens pulchritudinem sanctae Agnetis, quam habuit in corpore & anim [...], benè commendat eam dicens, Quàm pulchra es, &c. In quibus quid [...]m verbis sancta Agnes tripliciter commendatur à Christo suo dilecto. Primò, &c. True it is (I must needs confesse) he hath had more care and conscience in other places; not because he made any bones to abuse the Scriptures, but for that he ingeniously confesseth, that he applyeth such or such places to some other then to him of whō they are written. For, serm. 6. De sancta Lucia, vpon these words: Lux in tenebris lucet▪ & tenebrae eam non comprehenderunt. Iohn. 1. he saith, Notate charissimi, quamuis istud verbum sit dictum de Christo, tamen conuenienter potest dici de sancta Lucia. In quibus quidem verbis tria notantur, in quibus sancta Lucia nobis tripliciter commendatur, primum est nobilitas nominis, &c. But his impudency is much more intollerable, when he doth not onely apply the text to another person, but wresteth and wringeth, choppeth and changeth that which maketh not for his purpose, or rather against him. For preaching of the conception of the blessed virgine, and going about to proue that she was not stained with originall sinne, he taketh a text which speaketh of the conception indeed, but that which is spoken of sin which accompanieth that conception, he leaueth quite out. Marke how Dauid Psal. 51. saith, Et in peccato concepit me mater mea, And in sinne hath my mother conceiued me. Now this gentle Sir Iohn, to the end he may apply this text to the virgin Mary, cutteth off these words & in peccato, and alleadgeth onely these concêpit me mater mea, my mother conceiued me. But what proper proofes he brings for confirmation hereof, shalbe declared in the chapter next ensuing, where we will intreat of their questions; and therefore I will here onely alleadge this one example, Vnde benè dicitur illud. 1. Ioh. cap. 5. Tres sunt qui testimonium dant, scilicet, virgini Mariae, quòd sit sine originali peccato concepta. Et Danielis tertio. Hi tres quasi ex vno ore laudabant Deū, scilicet quòd matrem suā praeseruauit ab originali peccato. After they haue read the text, one handleth it one way, another, another. Some alleadge a morall or philosophicall sentence, as the author of the sermons dormi securè, who after he hath read his text, is by and by ouer head and eares in Aristotle. For example, straight after the foresaid [...]ext Psalm 51. Concepit me mater mea, you shall find these words, Notate charissimi, dicit Aristot. in lib. secundo de generatione & corruptione, quòd melius est esse quā non esse. Quum igitur Deus voluit Mariam, &c. And in the sermon de sancto Augustino, Tu signaculum similitudinis Dei, plenus sapientiae, perfectus decore. Ezech. 18. Notate charissimi, dicit enim Aristot. 6. Topic. quòd imago est, cuius generatio est per immutionem; hinc est enim quòd sanctus Augustinus, &c. And in the sermon de sancto Laurentio, victoriam & honorem acquirit, qui dat munera, Prouerb. 22. Notate charissimi, dicit Arist. 4. Ethicorum, quòd laus & gratiarum actio debetur danti à recipiente. Hinc est enim quòd sanctus Laurentius, &c. Now this quotatiō of Aristotles Ethicks puts me in mind of a deep diuine, who said, that if the scripture were lost, we might find a great part of it in Aristotles Morals. And we know that in old time, Aristotle and his expositors, were oftener alleadged in Theologicall disputations, then the Scripture or the anciēt fathers. But to return to the method which these preachers obserued in their sermons; some of them after they had read the text, or theame (as they speake) diuided the matter (which they were to entreat of) into certain heads. The old maner was, to make one part Allegoricall, another Anagogicall, and a third [Page] Tropological: whereas they should haue made one part Morological, another Mythological, and a third Pseudological. Some beganne with canuasing of certaine questions: others vsed some other entrance. But to come to that which I promised to speake of, namely how they applyed these tales: their manner was (to the end they might apply their doctrine to the present occasion) to vse certaine diuisions, and to bring in euery branch of their diuision all the foolish fables they could possibly deuise. For example, Barelete handling this text, Quum haec diceret, extollens vocem quaedam mulier dicit, beatus venter qui te portauit: shortly after his entrance, hath these words: Applica Euangelium, de impedimentis confessionis erit sermo noster, in quo quin (que) impedimenta sunt videnda in praesenti. Primum dicitur pudor propalandi▪ secundum dicitur timor recidiuandi: tertium, &c. All which points he handleth in order, alleadging sentences, as well out of prophane as Ecclesiasticall writers, and all such examples as he could remember, whether true or false, fitting the matter or not. As in handling the second part, Vna maxima est in Theologia (saith he) quòd Deus nouit omnia peccata nostra. Non debet peccator &c. And a litle after, ô Peccator, peccata tua sunt nota. Exemplo patet de Abbate Paphnutio, qui ad Thaidem meretricem perrexit in Alexandriam, fingens se esse mercatorem, & ipsam inuitat ad turpem actum. Quum (que) ad secundam & tertiam cameram peruenissent, tandem ipsum conducit ad locum secretiorem. Possumus (inquit Paphnutius) videri; respondit, nisi nos Deus videat, alius non videt. Credis (inquit) à Deo videri? Imò heu filia, quantum debemus erubescere coram Deo, si erubescimus coram hominibus? Compuncta & lacrymis plena, acceptis rebus suis, quae erant pretio quadringentarum librarum, in medio Ciuitatis omnia consumpsit, inuitans Iuuenes ad actum illum. Sanctus Dei ipsam conclusit in quodam loco, sigillans plumbo per annos tres in poenitentia. Ad propositum. Non erubescas confiteri, &c.

13 Now whereas I said, that they vsed the testimonies of prophane writers, it is to be obserued, that they quoted them not onely to proue morall or philosophical, but sometimes also Theologicall conclusions. Barelete for example (vpon these words of the virgin Mary, Beatam me dicent omnes generationes) saith, that the Pagans, the Sybils, Ouid and Virgil did write in her commendation, (fol. 71. col. 4.) albeit he alleadge but this one verse out of Virgil, ‘Vltima Cumaei venit iam carminis aetas.’ He saith moreouer that the Saracens and Turks do worship her in their churches, and punish those that speake against her, as we may reade in the Alcoran. The author likewise of the sermons intituled Dormi securè, not content most impudently to wrest this place. 1. Ioh. 5. There are three which beare witnesse in heauen: expounding these words which beare witnesse, of the virgin Mary forsooth, that she was conceiued without sinne: affirming that by those three we are to vnderstand Alexander Niccam, Cardinall Bonauenture, and S. Bernard, of whom we are to speake more hereafter: Nor content to abuse this text, Daniel 3. These three as it were with one mouth praised God: in saying that they praised God, because he preserued his mother the virgin Mary from originall sinne. Not content (I say) with these false allegations and deprauations of Scripture, nor resting in the testimonies of the Doctors of the Church, alleadgeth the Saracens, and Mahomets Acoran for confirmation hereof. Nec mirum (saith he) quòd ista affirmatio à Catholicis teneatur, cum etiam Saraceni illud praeconium sibi attribuant: nam in quodam libro suo qui dicitur Alcoran, qui liber fuit aeditus per discipulum Mahometi, & est authenticus inter eos, sic inquit Mahometi discipulus: Audiui nuntium Dei dicentem, Nullus de filijs Adam nascitur quem non tangat Satan, praeter Mariam & filium eius. Quapropter & ipse Mahometus[Page]collaudans virginem in suo Alcorano sic dicit, O Maria, Deus vtique deputauit te, & elegit te super foeminas saeculorum, O Maria, Deus annunciauit tibi verbum suum de se, nomen eius Messias, & Iesus Mariae filius honorabitur in hoc saculo & in alio, &c. Now here note that before he came to the testimony taken out of the Alcoran, he had alleadged all such texts of Scripture and testimonies of the Doctors as he thought would serue his turne, and had added thereto (the better to fortifie and strengthen his opinion) Sancta synodus dicit, quòd dicta sanctorum doctorum, scilicet Augustini, Hieronymi, & aliorum, à cunctis fidelibus sunt retinenda, sicut quatuor Euangelistae. But what after all this? He then proceeds to fables and fictions, and lying Legends: of the application whereof I now entreate. Tertiò (saith he) dico quòd virgo Maria est sine peccato originali concepta, quia est exemplis confirmatum: specialitèr autem tribus exemplis, quae facta sunt in tribus magnis doctoribus sanctae matris Ecclesiae, scilicet in magistro Alexandro Niccam, in domino Bonauentura Cardinali, & in sancto Bernardo. And what (trow we) containe these tales? Marry Sir how the virgin Mary was offended with such as held opinion that she was conceiued in sin; and namely with maister Alexander Niccam, who hauing giuen it out three sundry times, that he would proue that she was conceiued in sinne, was euer preuented with sicknes, so that he could not performe his promise: and how afterwards renewing his purpose, the night before he was to proue his assertion, he fell into a grieuous disease. Where whē he called vpon the blessed virgin, she came presently vnto him, and said, Hanc infirmitatem pateris, pre eo quòd me esse conceptam in peccato originali probare niteris: That is, This sicknesse is inflicted vpon thee, because thou wentest about to proue, that I was conceiued in sin. And hauing so said, she tooke her maids knife, and therewith cut out a peece of rotten flesh out of his side, & with a needle and a silke threed (serico filo) sewed it vp againe. VVhereupon he did not onely renounce that damnable opinion, but wrote a great booke for confirmation of the contrary. And as for the other two fables which I should here insert, I will deferre them to the end of the next Chapter. Now for a small conclusion, he bringeth this goodly allegation, of which I haue already spoken, Tres sunt qui testimonium dan [...] (scilicet virgini Mariae) &c. See here (gentle Reader) how Rhetorically he casteth and contriueth his matter, in keeping these tales for his last and surest proofe. For marke how he marshalleth his arguments to proue quòd est concepta sine originali peccato: primò quia fuit à Deo praeseruata. Secundò, quia hoc est per sacram Scripturam praefiguratum, ac per dicta sacrorum doctorum approbatum. Tertiò, quia est exemplis praenunciatum ac confirmatum. But how they made these tales to serue their turnes in the maine matter concerning either the wealth or the honour of our holy mother the Church, or both, I am to shew hereafter.

14 As for the tales which they are wont to tell vs in their Sermons, in honor of their Saints; their applications were such, that for euery vertue which they ascribed vnto them (and they would be sure to leaue out none by their good wils) they would (for an vnanswerable argument) adde one fable or other of something done or spoken by them.

CHAP. XXXV. Of sundry sorts of questions, and some no lesse impious then friuolous, wherewith the foresaid Preachers were alwayes ready furnished.

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MOreouer, they spent one part of their Sermons in canuasing of certaine questions which were as fond and friuolous, as foolish and fantasticall as those aboue mentioned. Some of them (I say) were curious; others, not onely curious, but also vaine and friuolous; yea for the most part sottish and ridiculous: notwithstanding such curiositie (as it is well knowne) hath bene censured in all ages. For we see how greatly it offended S. Paul, and many ancient Doctors after him: among the rest, S. Augustine (as I remember) telleth vs of one that shaped a fond fellow such an answer as his curious question well deserued. For hauing demaunded, what God did before he created the world: he answered him, that he made hell for such curious companions. And Constantine the Emperour sheweth in a certaine Epistle what mischiefe such curious questions brought with them. VVhich notwithstanding could not keepe Peter Lombard, Thomas Aquinas, and other Schoole-men from broaching thousands of such vnprofitable and friuolous quirkes and quiddities; nay some pernicious and blasphemous. Neither hath it kept our moderne Doctors from disputing of them in the schooles, nor dayly coyning of new. And what (I beseech you) do these questions concerne? They concerne God, the diuinitie and humanitie of Christ, and the Angels. As, Vtrum Deus posset peccare si vellet, &c. Whether God could sinne if he would? Whether he can make those things which he could in times past? Whether he can know any thing which he knoweth not? Whether he could haue taken vpon him humane nature in the weaker sexe? But these are reserued for the most illuminate Doctors (I say illuminatis Doctoribus) Vtrum plures in Christo filiationes? Item, Vtrum Deus potuerit suppositare mulierem, vel diabolum, vel asinum, vel cucurbitam, vel silicem? Et si suppositasset cucurbitam, quemadmodum fuerit concionatura, editura miracula, & quonam modo fuisset sixa cruci? Item, what should Saint Peter haue consecrated, if he had then consecrated when the body of Christ hung vpon the crosse? Itē, whether it shal be lawfull to eate and drinke after the resurrection? And concerning the Angels: whether they agree wel together, or not? Whether God doth vse the ministery and seruice of all, or not? Whether they be grieued at the condemnation of those which are committed to their custody, or not? I omit the questions which are moued about the names of Angels and Archangels, their preheminences and seates, to wit, how high one is aduanced aboue another; and other speculations concerning their Hierarchy. They haue also sundry questions de notionibus, relationibus, instantibus, formalitatibus, quidditatibus, ecceitatibus, and other such like bald and barbarous words, which seem to haue bin inuented of purpose to coniure diuels: which notwithstanding were ordinarily tossed vp and downe in the mouthes of schoole-doctors, as well Nominals as Reals; as Thomists, Albertists, Occamists, Scotists, and the rest. They haue also in former times vainly busied themselues; and do stil beate their braines euen at this day about fond and fantasticall questions, which they moue touching the articles of our faith and Christian beleefe: and namely touching the holy Sacrament of the Altar (as they call it) as we may see in a booke [Page] called Cautelae Missae. And yet their skill was neuer such, in multiplying question vpon question about this point, but that a man might moue a nūber of others neuer heard of before. And surely no maruell, considering their sacrifice is liable to so many and great inconueniences. For albeit they haue moued many doubts of the inconueniences that might befall their consecrated host, notwithstanding some such haue befallen it, as they would neuer haue dreamed of▪ For they speake not a word of such an accident as befell S. Francis (as it is recorded fol. 72. of the booke of Conformities, so often before alleadged) how he saying Masse vpon a time, found a Spider in the chalice, which he would not cast out of the cup, but dranke her vp together with the bloud; and afterwards rubbing and scratching his thigh where he felt it itch, caused her to come forth againe. This verily is such an accident as might minister matter of sundry other questions neuer heard of before. For first it may be asked, whether the bloud being so poysoned, had as great vertue in it as if it had not bene poysoned? and whether it were of such a piercing nature that it could penetrate euen to Purgatory? Item, whether the Spider came thither of her owne accord, or rather by reuelation, aboue the strength and against the course and current of nature? Item, whether she were partaker of the merits of the sacrifice? at leastwise whether she were sanctified or not? It may further be demanded, whether she could be made tipsie with this drinke, or not? And they that are well seene in such subtilties may yet moue two or three dozen of questiōs more: which made me say, that we are not to maruaile, if hitherto they could neuer find how to make an end of these questions, which this strange, mysticall, or mysterificall manner of sacrifice ingendreth.

2 Notwithstanding their case were not so greatly to be pitied, if they did but busie their heads and breake their braines about the former points: but they are so farre from resting there, that they will needs enter in Sanctum Sanctorum, euen into Gods closet and secret counsell. And this their curiositie hath excited them through their foole-hardy inuention, to patch to the historicall books of the Bible a number of circumstantiall fooleries, as we may see by that which hath bene already spoken of their paraphrasticall expositions. Nay, they haue proceeded a step further, in subiecting the histories of the Bible (as they haue done the fables in their Legends) to such seruitude and slauery, that they come at their whistle, and tell them what was the name of Tobies dogge.

3 For exemplification of which particulars, to begin with curious questions wherein there is lesse danger: let vs heare the pleasant conceited reason alleadged by Menot (fol. 47. col. 4.) why Christ would not suffer Saint Peter to vse his sword. Because (saith he) he was not cunning at his weapon, as hauing neuer learned at the fence schoole; as wel appeared when he cut off Malchus his care, whereas he should haue cut off his head. For is it a seemely sight (thinke yee) to see one carry a booke at his belt, whereon he cannot reade? Euen so (saith he) it is as vnseemely a thing to see a man weare a sword by his side, who knowes not how to vse it. But to omit this bold & blind assertiō, let vs here obserue touching the cause which moued our Sauiour to giue this commandement to Peter (notwithstanding the true reason be most euident) two other points, which he holdeth as most certen truths, though no logician on the earth be able to conclude thē out of the text vpō which alone we are to ground our faith. First, that Saint Peter meant to haue cut off Malchus his head when he cut of his eare, but that his blow somewhat missed. Secondly, that the blade wherewith he cut off his eare was a Rapier. I omit another particular no lesse pleasant then the former, viz. that Peter was then Pope: for he demandeth, [Page] Sed cur Dominus noluit quòd Petrus gladio vteretur, viso quòd Papa erat? And in very deed, this questiō hath exceedingly troubled many of their profoundest Doctors and Preachers. For euen Pasquin himselfe obiected this sentence of our Sauior against the Pope: albeit he knew well enough how to shape him an answer, as we may see in these two Epigrams.

The question.

Quum tibi non aetas habilis sit Caraphe bello,

Et castris habeas cognita claustra magis:

Quum desit miles, belli (que) pecunia neruus,

Quis te praecipitem cogit ad arma furor?

Infirmis humeris damnata quid induis arma?

Quae tibi quum libeat ponere, non liceat

Cur respirantem & curantem vuln [...]ra mundum

Concutis, & Martem solus ad arma cies?

Da miseris requiem, & spatium concede malorum,

Si nobis pater es, si tua cura sumus:

Conde senex gladium, & Christi reminiscere verbi:

Quod dixit Petro, dixit & ille tibi.

The answer.

Quod dixit Petro Christus, nolim esse putetis

Dictum (Pontificum pace Petri (que)) mihi.

Nam ne (que) sum Petri successor, nec quoque talem

Agnoscit bona pars Christicolarum hodie.

Pauli ego (successu coeptis meliore deinceps

Dij faueant) sumpsi nomen & arma simul:

Et Christi verbi memor intrepidus (que) minister,

Non veni pacem mittere, sed gladium.

4 And now to returne to Malchus whose eare Saint Peter cut off, thinki [...]g to haue cut of his head, but that he tooke his aime amisse; the same preacher saith, it was not without cause that Malchus was the high Priests seruant, seeing that Malchus signifieth a king; and hereupon he maketh this Catholick collection; that as Malchus was seruant to the high Priest, so the regall Maiestie of Kings and Emperours is subiect to the power of Priests. And here the naming of S. Peter puts me in mind of another question moued by the same Preacher; viz. Why Christ committed the keyes of the Church rather to S. Peter then to S. Iohn, who was euery inch as good a man as he? Marke his answer. S. Iohn (saith he) was Christs kinsman, and cosingerman; and therfore he committed thē not vnto him, but to Saint Peter, to giue a president in his owne example, how in bestowing Ecclesiasticall dignities we should not respect affinity or consanguinitie, but holynesse of life and conuersation. To which also Moses had an eye, when in stead of resigning his soueraigne authority to his sonnes, (though wise and sufficient men) he resigned it to Ioshua, who was no way allied vnto him, as being of another tribe.

5 Moreouer, they haue their budgets full of other curious questions concerning Christ and the virgin Mary, which they haue borrowed of their contēplatiue Doctors (as they call them) as of Landulphus, Bonauenture, &c. as namely, whether Christ euer laughed? Oliuer Maillard relying vpon the authority of Landulphus, answereth that he wept often, but that he laughed not once in all his life: where he also patcheth together sundry curious questions, touching the garment which Christ wore; as that it was of ashe colour, that it was round both aboue and below: [Page] that it had round sleeues, and phylacteries and borders beneath, after the Iewish fashion. And that the virgin Mary wrought it all of needle worke. And that as Christ grew in stature, so his garment grew proportionally; and that it did not weare nor waxe old. Item, that the yeare before his passion he was accustomed to weare another slender garment vnder it. Menot againe (on the other side) holds it for a most certen truth, that his flesh was exceeding tender, yea so tender that it grieued him more to hit his heele against a litle stone, then if another had bene smitten in the apple of the eye: but take this reason with you; Quòd corpus eius suit formatum ex purissimis sanguinibus Beatissimae virginis Mariae. Further, seeing it was necessary the Church should know what was the greatest dolour and anguish that Christ suffered: they haue found that it was that bloody agony and painfull pan, gwhich seazed vpon him when he went into the garden at the twelft houre, and there sweat water and blood in such abundance, that it made a pretty brooke. But how came this secret to be knowne, may we thinke? verily not by the contemplation of these Doctors (as the rest) but by reuelation, shewed to a deuout womā who hath ease [...] them of much labour in this behalfe. Yet this is not all: for they will needs take vpon them to know how the rods were made wherewith Christ was whipped in Pilats Pallace, (called the Praetorium) and how many stripes he had: as also how many thornes were in his crowne. And some of them haue bene rapt into so high contēplation, that they haue found out new stuffe in al this geare: as first, that an instrument was tyed to euery twig, which cut like a razor. Though in the number of stripes all mens contēplations do not fully agree. For according to the speculation of some deep Diuines, he had iust fiue thousand: wheras others say he had sixe thousand, viz. fiue thousand on his body, and a thousand on his head. Touching his crowne, Bonauenture saith, that there were a thousand thornes in it. But what kind of thornes were they? Dicit Lira, saith Oliuer Maillard, fol. 108. col. 2. Quòd erant de iunco marino. Et quaesiuit ab illis qui fu [...]rant cum Beato Lu [...]uico rege in terra sancta, quòd quidam dixit quòd illae spinae penetrabant sotulares cū duplici semella, quantumcunque essent noui, & sortiter reparati. Corona erat sicut corona Imperatoris, in qua erant mille cuspides: & ponebant super caput eius, prementes cum magnis baculis & lapidibus

6 But Saint Iohn hath made them worke enough in concealing what our Sauiour writ with his finger vpon the ground, when the woman taken in adulterie was brought before him. And among sundry opinions touching this matter, Menot citeth certaine, fol. 138. col. 4. where he affirmeth that the man which was taken in adultery with her, hid himselfe behind the throng. And all on a th [...]umme in the former colume, you shall find an answer to a question touching the good thiefe▪ namely whether God can pardon any mans sins before he hath done penance, and made sati [...]faction.

7 And it neuer troubled them to tell what our Sauiour said to his Disciples, concerning the fig tree, which withered vp by the rootes; but imagined presently in their idle braines, that he told them that the fig-tree signified the Sinagogue of the Iewes which should shortly be destroyed, because God had cursed it. And he that will not credit this report, may reade Menot fol. 166. col. 3. where he giueth a reason why our Sauiour was then hungry, viz. because he had had but a short supper. But why had he no better supper? Because (saith he) he came late to his lodging. For they that come late to their Inne, get commonly but a slender pittance: Howbeit, he confesseth that it was no corporall but spirituall hunger, as some Doctors affirme.

[Page]8 Ouer and besides all this, they haue made such diligent inquisition, as that they haue found out almost all the names of the men and women recorded in the Gospels, (that I may parallele that which I affirmed euen now concerning the name of T [...]bies dog) in such sort that there is not so much as the least halfe peny farthing Ganymede among them, but can answer readily to such questions. For example, they put it out of question, that the woman called a sinner, which came to annoint Christs feet as he sate at table in the Pharisies house, was called Mary Magdalen; and that she which said, Blessed is the wombe that bare thee, &c. was called Marcella, they hold as certen and sure, as if the Euangelist had said it. Barelete fol. 71. col. 3. Quum haec diceret, extollens vocem quadam mulier (scilicet sancta Marcella, famula beatae Marthae, sororis Lazari) dixit, Beatus venter qui te portauit. Though Oliuer Maillard say onely, that it was one of Marthaes gentlewomen, fol. 140. col. 3. But when they were put to it indeed to find out some of those names, they vsed a new kind of Metamorphôsis; for when they could not tell the name of the souldier that thrust our Sauiour into the side with a launce, they call him in plaine termes Lance: [...] in Greeke being as much as Lance in English: which name hath bin corrupted since, and pronounced Longi. But after he had crept into that credit to be registred among the Saints (by doing so meritorious a worke as the piercing of our Sauiours side) his name was augmented by a syllable, and he called (after the Latin termination) Longinus.

9 But their curiositie ranne ouer the brimme, when they came to handle such questions as these: whether Christ had not bin crucified, if Iudas had not betrayed him? whether the virgin Mary would haue crucified him, if none other would? The former of which you shal find in the Sermons of Barelet, fol. 158. col. 4. The latter, not onely in his Sermons, fol. 115. but also in Menots, fol. 169. col. 3. And (more the pitie) they are neuer noubled with such questions as these, but can resolue thē as easily as a squiril can crack a nut: whereas they sticke and stand (I meane they are not resolued, but wauer like the weather-cocke) in handling of other questions, which the very heathen made conscience once to call into question▪ Menot (for example) saith, Sed quicquid fit de corpore, anima quae peccauerit, ipsa morietur. Sic relinquo quaestionem arduam de immortalitate animae. But these two questions are nothing in comparison of those which I cited before out of Barelete in the Chapter of blasphemies, viz. what reasoning there was in heauen when it was debated and afterwards concluded that Christ should be incarnate in the wombe of the Virgin, fol. 229. col. 4. Item, what a stirre there was among the disciples, when they contended which of them should bring the virgin Mary word, that he was risen from the dead, fol. 164. col. 4. Item, what the Apostles said to the virgin Mary, being offended that her sonne kept not touch with them in sending the holy Ghost. And what strife there was in heauen (ô most execrable blasphemy) betwixt the Father and the holy Ghost, both of them refusing to come downe vpon earth, for feare of being handled as Christ was, fol. 178. col. 1. But what terme I these questions? seeing he is as peremptory & resolute in auouching them, as if he had found them recorded in the Scripture.

10 I proceed now to another question, not altogether so impious as the former (especially as the three last) which I haue purposely kept for the winding vp of this Chapter, reseruing for it all the roome that remained, as being a question which seemes to chalenge thus much at my hands, that I should make a more large and ample discourse thereof. For there was neuer yet controuersie in Christian religion so stoutly, so vehemently, nor so virulently canuased and ventilated, tumbled [Page] and tossed, opposed and defended. The Doctors of the Romane religion neuer banded so one against another: neuer was there such hold and draw, such siding and parts taking, such heauing and shouing about any question as about this: whether the virgin Mary was conceiued in originall sinne, or not? But the greatest stickling (which cost so many broken heads) was betwixt the Iacopins (or Iacobins) and the Franciscans: the Iacobins maintaining the affirmatiue, the Franciscans the negatiue. And here I remember a story to this purpose recorded in the French Chronicles: about the yeare 1384. there were certaine Doctors and others of the order of the preaching Friers, which taught publickly that she was conceiued in sinne; of which number there was one, who said, that if he did not proue it by pregnant proofes, he would giue them leaue to call him Huet. Whereupon when any of the foresaid preaching Iacobin Friers were seene in the streets in Paris, the common people would run after them, crying in derision aux Huets, aux Huets: so that they were ashamed euer after to shew their heads. And about this erroneous opinion, a great Councel of Cleargy men and others of note, was holden at Paris, where it was condemned in a full congregation by the Vniuersitie, and that in solemne procession. This is that which our Chronicles (such as they are) report hereof. Now let vs see how both sides bestirred themselues, and sweat about this question. A Iacobin of Francfort called Vigand, writ a booke about threescore yeares ago, wherein he defended that the virgin Mary was conceiued and borne in sinne: confuting all that held the contrary, as well ancient Doctors as moderne Diuines▪ censuring (among the rest) one Iohn Spengler a Franciscā; who being touched to the quick by the said Vigand, so belaboured the matter, that he procured a disputation to be holden at Heidelbergh: but Prince Philip Count Palatin of Rhein hindered it. Thereupon the Iacobin cited the Franciscan to appeare at Rome, where this question hauing hung a long time vpon the hinges, was then hung vp at a crooke. Certain yeares after it so fortuned that the Iacobins held a general Synod at Vimpssen, wherin it was debated how they might hold counterpoise against their aduersaries the Franciscans, & maintaine their opinion (notwithstanding it was reiected almost of all, and that many Doctors had writtē against it, and made the world beleeue the contrary by meanes of counterfet miracles) seeing there was no remedy but they were of necessitie to deuise one meanes or other, which they might haue in readines to help them at a dead lift, to counterfet some miracle as the Franciscās had done. And it being concluded in this conuentuall Synod, that they were to proceed by false miracles, it was agreed vpon that this pageant should be played by foure Iacobins of Berne, whose names I will afterwards set downe. To the end therefore they might come to the period of their purpose, hauing first communicated with the diuell (to whom one of them which was a Necromancer directed the rest) and obtained a promise of ayd and furtherance, they lay euer after in the wind to spie what occasion they might to aduantage their cause. It happened not long after that a good fellow one Iohn Ietzer a tailor, borne at Zurzacke was admitted and matriculated as one of their order: who not long after he had taken the habit, was visited in the night by one of these ghostly fathers, who wrapped in a sheet, went to his cell, and began to counterfet a spirit, making a great ratling noise by casting of stones, &c. Wherupon the poore nouice complaining to the 4. principal of the order (the self same men who plotted this knauery, one of which counterfetted the spirit) he was comforted and encouraged by them, and exhorted to patience. And one night the spirit spake to this poore nouice, charging him to do penance for him: which when he had made the foresaid Friers acquainted with, [Page] they thought it their best course to cause him to do penance openly for the deliuering of the said spirit. Whereupon one of them began to preach of the spirit, and to tel the people why he did this penance: which was not done without extolling of their order (which he had made choise of, that he might be relieued by their merits) and censuring that of the Franciscans. Now the spirit on a time did highly extoll the order of the Iacobins to this nouice, as well for the honest good men that were of it, as for the good discipline that was obserued in it: adding withall, that he was not ignorant how it was hated of many by reason of their Doctor S. Thomas, whō they follow in affirming that the virgin Mary was conceiued in sin: yet that many of these their maligners and euill willers were grieuously tormented by the iust iudgement of God: yea & that the towne of Berne should vtterly be destroyed if they expelled not the Franciscans from among them, for teaching that she was conceiued without sinne; and that Doctor Alexander of Hales and Iohn Scot (the subtill Doctor, both Franciscans) suffered great paine in Purgatory for maintaining that opinion. In the end he fained it of his fingers, that the blessed Virgin her selfe did assure him of her polluted conception, resoluing him of sundry other points greatly controuerted among the Doctors: and that she printed in his right hand the signe of her sonnes passion, by piercing it with a sharpe naile: and after to asswage the paine of his wounds, gaue him a little lint made of the swadling bands wherewith she swadled him in Aegypt. Yet these foure Preachers not herewith content, caused him to drinke inchanted water, whereby they put him cleane out of the socket, and made him as mad as a march Hare; and hauing so done, printed in his body foure other wounds of Christ. Where the poore soule comming to himselfe againe by meanes of another water which they gaue him, wondered at his new wounds: notwithstanding they made him beleeue it was the handy work of God. After all this, they layd him in a litle parlour apart by himselfe, which was hung about with tapistry worke full of pictures, wherein the passion of Christ was pour [...]raited, by which he was to learne the countenances, gestures and behauiors of Christ: all which they did of purpose to delude the poore people, who had already heard of these goodly miracles. Besides, they caused him to play the passion before them, after they had made him serue out a long prentiship. They gaue him moreouer a drinke, which caused him to fome and froth at the mouth, making him beleeue that he encountered death most valiantly as Christ had done. To conclude, they played so many prankes with this poore Frier, that in the end he perceiued part of their knauery. Notwithstanding they handled the matter so cunningly, that they perswaded him all was Gospell: and vsed him not long after as their instrument to counterfet a miracle. But all their knauery (which was before greatly suspected) being at the last discouered and detected by this silly soule, (whom God had miraculously deliuered out of their hands, they hauing attempted so many wayes to bring him to his end) a round course was taken with these holy fathers. For after that the Cleargy (who had laboured long to saue their liues, but all in vaine) had committed them ouer to the secular power: they were burned in the towne medow of Berne, right ouer against the Couent of the Franciscans. Their names were Iohn Vetter Priour, Stephen Boltzhorst Preacher, Francis Vlchi Subpriour (who was a Necromancer and counterfetted the spirit,) and Henry Steniecker Receiuer. I haue here omitted sundry like pageants played by these Iacobins, which the Reader may find at large in the history written of this Tragedy. See here (gentle Reader) how horne-mad these fond Friers were, in being driuen to such extasies of deuices to defend their opinions, and to hold counterpoise [Page] against their aduersaries. Which (doubtlesse) they did, not for any great zeale they had of the truth, but in an ambitious humour which made them burst almost for anger, to see the opinion of the Franciscans (their vtter enemies) in such request, embraced and applauded of all.

11 Let vs now heare how the iolly Preacher Barelete sends these Franciscans packing, together with their opinion, calling them aemulos of his order. First therefore hauing affirmed that he had nine and forty Doctors of his opinion (whereof he quoted the greatest part) he beginneth in this sort. Quid vobis videtur ciues mei super hoc? Quare omnes religiones non pugnant pro doctoribus suis? Ecce quot doctores, quot sapientes hoc affirmant? Sed dicunt aemuli nostri quòd fuit priuilegiata, quia à peccato praeseruata. Ostendant illud priuilegium, & eis fidem dabimus. And he alleadges a passage out of Alexander of Hales, where he setteth downe his opinion cleane cōtrary to that, for the which the foresaid spirit (suborned by the Iacobins of Berne) gaue it out that he was tormented in Purgatory. Si beata virgo Maria non fuisset concepta in peccato originali, non fuisset obligata peccato, nec poenae, nec habuisset reatum peccati. Sed qui non habet reatum peccati, non indiget redemptione (quia redemptio est solùm propter obligationem peccati, vel poenae, & propter reatum peccati.) Ergo beata virgo non indiguisset redemptione: quod non est secundum Catholicam fidem ponendū. Which being so, the foresaid spirit suborned by these Iacobins had small reason to cause this poore soule to be so grieuously tormented in Purgatory, considering he here yeeldeth vnto them what euer they desire. But I leaue this controuersie to Barelete, who in the beginning of his Sermon saith, Non solùm antiqui doctores, sed etiam posteriores tenuerunt, & in scripturis reliquerunt, quòd virgo beata, & omnes homines (praeter Christum) in sui conceptione peccatum contraxerunt: quod patet triplici testimonio inpraesentiarum. Primò Ecclesiae doctorum: secundò Canonistarum: tertiò Religionum.

12 On the other side, Oliuer Maillard in one of his Sermons bringeth in two dames, viz. truth and falshood, deliuering their opinions dialogue-wise touching this article, where first falshood beginneth thus: I affirme that the virgin Mary was conceiued in sinne, during which time she was the child of wrath, and vnder the curse; and that if she had not bene redeemed by the death of Christ, she had bin condemned: which I wil proue by sundry argumēts. First, Dauid saith, I was borne in iniquitie, and in sinne hath my mother conceiued me. Now after that Falshood had alleadged sundry reasons to this purpose, Truth beginneth in this sort: Madame, I cannot endure to heare that the Virgine who brused the Serpents head, and was frō all eternitie chosen of God to be the mother of our Lord, should so much as for a moment be vnder the wrath of God. In the end, after that Truth had said that it was true indeed, that she was in danger to haue fallen into sinne, but that she had a speciall priuiledge. It was asked her, But what say you (Madame) to the opinions of so many Doctors, as S. Bernard, Thomas of Aquine, Bonauenture, Guydo, &c. To this she answered (to cut off all occasion of further disputation) that before the Church had determined it, it was lawfull to hold either way; but now sith the Councell of Basil is of another opinion, it is dangerous to hold the contrary: and for my part I thinke it no better then plaine heresie. And the words of my text (saith Maillard) are plaine and pregnant for it: Tota pulchra es amica mea, & macula non est in te: Cant. 4. That is, Thou art all faire my loue, and there is no blemish in thee.

13 But the authour of the Sermons intituled Dormisecurè bringeth in other manner of proofes. For he alleadgeth three miracles which were wrought of purpose, [Page] for confirmation of this opiniō: hauing first bene so bold as with an impudēt Satanicall spirit to falsify the saying off the Psalmist, in cutting of that which made not for his purpose; and in stead of Et in peccato concêpit me mater mea, alleadging onely these words concêpit me mater mea; taking them for his text and subiect of the discourse which he made of the conception of the blessed Virgin, & applying thē vnto her: whence he labors to proue that she was not conceiued in sinne: and that by three kind of arguments. First, because God preserued her from sinne (for he beggeth the question, or rather takes that for granted, which is most of all controuerted.) Secondly, for that it was prefigured in the Scriptures, and auouched by the Doctors of the Church. Thirdly, for that it was cōfirmed by examples. But by what examples I beseech you? Verily by lying wonders, & counterfait miracles: the very same wherewith the Iacobins were wont to vpbraid the Franciscans. The first is of a certaine Magister noster (called Alexander) who hauing giuen it out, that he would prooue the blessed Virgin to haue bene conceiued in sinne, was three times together taken with an infirmitie, so that he could not make good his promise. And afterward appointing a day wherin he wold determine this questiō, he fell the night before into a grieuous disease: where as he lay sore pained, he called vpon the virgin Mary: who came to him forthwith, & told him, this crosse was laid vpon him, because he went about to proue that she was conceiued in sin. And hauing so said, she tooke her maids knife and therwith cut a peece of corrupt flesh out of his side, and with a needle and silken threed (Serico filo) sewed it vp againe, and so departed. Now she was no sooner departed, but he felt himselfe wel amended, and reuealed the whole matter to a scholler which lay in the chamber with him: and euer after renounced his former opinion: and not so onely, but writ a great booke as big as a dung-hill, in defence of the contrary. The second fable is this: A deuout Minorite, going euery night into the Quire, to patter ouer his prayers, heard commonly a buzzing noise vpon the virgin Maryes Altar, much like the buzzing of a flye: and wondering what it should be, he spake vnto it on a time and said, I adiure thee in the name of our Lord Iesus Christ ▪ that thou tell me what thou art. By and by a voice answered, I am Bonauenture. O famous Doctor (quoth he) in what tearmes stands the matter with you? what is the reason you make this noise? who answered, I shal shortly be wel and in happy estate, for I am one of those that shalbe saued. Only because I held that damnable opinion that the blessed Virgin was conceiued in sinne, I suffer here my Purgatory, and do penance vpon her Altar; but as soone as I am purged hereof, I shall go straight to heauen. Vnde (saith he) Bonauentura potest de ista conclusione dicere illud Psalmi: Propter te mortificamur tota die. The third is of Saint Bernard, viz. that after his death he appeared to one with a marke vpon him; and told him that he had that marke set vpon him for maintaining her polluted conception. Thus we see (if we may beleeue these fables) how the virgin Mary was reuenged on them which held any such opinion of her, as she misliked. But let vs heare what great delight she tooke in those that celebrated the feast of her conception. A certaine Abbot called Helsin being on a time neare drowning, saw a man apparelled like a Bishop in his Pontificalibus (who if we may beleeue Barelet, was an Angell at the least) who asked him if he desired to returne in safety into his country againe. The Abbot answering with teares, that he desired it with al his heart; he said: Vnderstād then (quoth he) that I was sent vnto thee by our blessed Lady (mother of our Lord) whom thou hast so instantly called vpon: and that thou, and all that are with thee shall escape, if thou wilt promise me to celebrate the feast of her conception euery yeare with solemne procession▪ and teach [Page] that it ought to be celebrated. Which the Abbot hauing requested him to appoint the time when, and the maner how he would haue it kept, promised to performe. And so he and all his company escaped that danger. Which tale Barelet also telleth; adding withall, that it was an Angell which appeared to him: where he further brings another argument grounded vpon this fable; That (saith he) which is reuealed by an Angell, ought to be holden for a certen truth: but an Angell reuealed that the virgin Mary was conceiued without sinne (as appeareth by the story of the Abbot Helsine) who, &c. therefore we must firmly beleeue that she was conceiued without sinne. He further alleadgeth three other arguments for confirmation hereof, of such excellent good grace, that I could not in conscience omit them. His first argument is this. That which most men affirme, is to be holden as a certen truth. But most affirme that the blessed Virgin was conceiued without sin. Ergo we are to hold that she was conceiued without sinne. His second argument: No feast is celebrated but in remembrance of some holy thing. The feast of the Virgins conception is celebrated. Ergô her conception was holy: and consequently she was not stained with originall sinne. His third argument; Pardons are not granted but for some holy end: Pope Sixtus the fourth gaue pardon to all that celebrated the feast of the conception of the blessed Lady during her Octaues. Ergo, her conception was holy.

15 I will hereunto adde another, which will make vs lesse to wonder at the former; viz. how she honored those that honored her. About the yeare 1470. vnder Pope Sixtus the fourth, one Allen of Roche a Iacobin Fryer forged the Virgin Maryes Psalter (called the Rosarie and preached it in stead of the Gospel: and not herewith content, instituted a Fraternitie therof, which was approoued by the Popes buls, with large grants of indulgences. And Iames Sprenger Prouincial of Germany countererfaited sundry miracles for the authorizing thereof. Nay, they were not ashamed to publish a book of this blessed brotherhood: in the beginning whereof it is said, that the virgin Mary comming on a time into Allens cell, made a ring of her haire, wherewith she maried him: as also that she kissed him, and offered him her paps to handle, and sucke. In some, that she was as familiar with him as a woman is with her husband.

16 And now (gentle Reader) I hope I haue sufficiently informed thee touching the questions moued by these illuminate Doctors, and of their manner of disputation; as also what hard hold there was betwixt them, each side tugging for their order, and working miracles in despight of their opposites, for confirmation of their opinions. At leastwise what hot bickering there was about this last question: and how Truth in the end gaue Falshood the foile. Now albeit I am not ignorant that there are many cart loades of other questions which haue bene canuased by the schoole Doctors: yet these I hope may suffice to discouer the folly which raigned in those dayes, and still swayeth the Popish cleargie euen at this day; who do not onely busie their heads and beate their braines, about the foresaid questions, but about others also of as great moment: as whether Ascention day, or Hallow-masse (otherwise called all Saints) be the greater Holiday? Some alleadging that God is greater then the Saints. Others, that he can be no more without his Saints then a king without his courtiers.

17 But it is high time I should here remember my self: for discoursing in this chapter of those wise masters who can tell you the name of Tobies dog, or any man or womans name purposely concealed in the Gospell; I forgot to speake of those profound preachers, who affirme that the child which our Sauiour set in the middest [Page] of his disciples (when they contended which of them should be the greatest) was Ignatius, afterwards called Saint Ignatius, Saint Iohns disciple, as some affirme: and of those fond Fryers, who taught that Cleopas his companion, mentioned by Saint Luke, was Luke himselfe: and that it was Nathanael who was afterward called S. Vrsine. As also how they are not contented to know that the disciple (whose name is concealed Iohn 18. was Iohn himselfe: but will further search how he came acquainted with the high Priest: and they haue made such diligent inquirie into old records (as witnesseth that lying diuell Nicephorus) that they haue found, that he came to be knowne of the high Priest, by selling him his fathers house.

CHAP. XXXVI. Of certaine fine fetches and daintie deuices vsed by the foresaid Preachers to make their auditors laugh or weepe; to winne an opinion of holinesse, and to keepe their kitchins hot: as also of their foolish and ridiculous speeches.

ALbeit these iolly Preachers (formerly spoken of) held this opinion, and taught it as a most certen truth, that Christ neuer laughed in all his life: yet they followed not his example herein. What say I, followed? Nay, they tooke such pleasure in ridiculous and Scoggin-like speeches, as that they were not ashamed in preaching of the passion, to vse sundry ridiculous ieasts, and diuers sorts of quips and girding taunts: and some no [...] herewith content, haue vsed many apish gestures tending to this end. Of which number there was a Franciscan, who hauing layd a wager that he would make the one halfe of his auditors laugh, and the other halfe weepe, at the same instant, and that vpon good friday; vsed this deuice: He put on a garment which was very short behind, leauing off his breeches. Then standing in the middest of his auditory in a pulpit which was open behind, he began to exclaime against the impietie of the Iewes, declaring the excessiue torments which they inflicted vpon our Sauiour Christ: and withall bowed his head and his shoulders, and crossed his armes in such sort, that he layed open all his hinder parts; which those behind the pulpit had no sooner espied, but they brake out into a great laughter. Contrarily, those that stood before him could not forbeare weeping by reason of his patheticall speeches and tragicall gestures. And thus he wonne the wager, making the one halfe to laugh and the other halfe to weepe at the same time.

2 Another Franciscan (called by Erasmus, Robert Liciensis) hauing boasted at a banket, that he could make his auditors weepe when he listed: one of the company laughed him to scorne, and said, that he might haply make some silly soules, as women, idiots or yong children to weepe, but that it was impossible he should make any man weepe that had any wit. At which words the Monk was halfe mad to be so mocked, and said, You then (Sir) that seeme to be so graue, come to morrow to my Sermon, and stand in the place that I shall appoint you, right ouer against me, and if I do not make you weepe, I will giue this company a banquet; but if I do, you shall giue me one. It being thus agreed vpon, he went the next day and sate where the Monke appointed him. Then came in the Franciscan, prouided [Page] to preach, and not vnmindful of his wager, began to discourse of Gods bountie and goodnesse towards men, and how they shewed themselues vngratefull for his dayly blessings bestowed vpon them: and that they were so hardened in their wicked wayes, that they could not be reclaimed by any meanes, nor drawne by any perswasion to repentance, or to mutuall loue and charitie one towards another. Then pressing the point a litle further, in the end he brought in God himself speaking on this wise: O heart harder then steele, ô heart harder then the adamant: The steele is softened with fire, the adamant is dissolued with goates bloud: but do I what I can, yet can I not make thee shed one teare. And not content to haue spoken it once or twice, he repeated it againe and againe, raising his voice louder and louder: so that at the last the man that had layd the wager with him, could forbeare weeping no more then his fellowes. Which when the Franciscan espied, he stretched out his hand and said, I haue won. These words his auditors tooke as spoken in the person of God; as if he should haue said, I haue preuailed, as hauing obtained that which I desired, viz. the mollifying and softening of their hearts.

3 The same Robert kept a sweet heart by the dispensation of his S. Francis, who told him on a time that she liked him well in all points, were it not for his habit. I pray thee then (quoth he) tell me in what habit thou likest me best? In the habit of a souldier (quoth she.) Go to, said the Frier, faile not to come to my Sermon to morrow. Now the next morning he went into the pulpit with his sword by his side, armed souldier-like at all points, vnder his gowne. And beginning his Sermon with an exhortation to Princes to wage warre against the Saracens, Turks, and other enemies of Christendome, in the end he brake forth into these words: Is it not a lamentable thing that no man will offer himselfe to be Chieftaine of so laudable an enterprise? If that be the matter, behold I am here ready to pul off this habit of S. Francis, and to serue as a captain or common souldier. At which words he cast off his gowne, and preached halfe an houre in the habit of a captaine. Not long after being sent for by certaine Cardinals his friends, and demaunded the cause of this his new kinde of preaching: he answered, that he did it to please his sweet heart, as hath bin said.

4 The same Robert being to preach before the Pope and his Cardinals; when he had well considered all their pompe, and how they reuerenced and adored the Pope, said neuer a word, but Fie Saint Peter, Fie Saint Paul: which when he had diuers times repeated, spitting first on the one side, and then on the other (as those whose stomacks are ouercharged,) he went out of the pulpit, leauing all his auditors much amazed; some thinking he had bene bereft of his wits: others, that he had bene tainted with some heresie. And as they were ready to imprison him, a Cardinal (who knew his humor better then the rest, and bare him some good wil) made meanes to the Pope that he might be sent for, to giue a reason before him and the Cardinals there present, of those words. Whereupon being demaunded what he meant by such horrible blasphemy? he answered that his purpose was to haue spoken of another argument (which he expounded vnto them summarily) but considering (quoth he) that you so enioy your pleasures in this world, and that there is no pompe nor magnificence like to yours: and on the other side, considering in what great pouertie, anguish and misery the Apostles liued, I thought with my selfe, doubtlesse either the Apostles were great fooles to take such a tedious and troublesome way to go to heauen, or these men are in the ready way to hell. But as for you (Sirs) which keepe the keyes of the kingdome of heauen, [Page] I cannot conceiue amisse of you: as for the Apostles, I cannot but scorne them as the veriest fooles in the world, in that liuing as you do, they might haue gone to heauen, yet chose rather to leade such a strict and painfull life.

5 I now proceed to the inuentions of other Popish Preachers recorded by the same author out of whom I had all my former stories, namely by Erasmus. A certaine Preacher hauing a long time cried out against such as addicted and deuoted themselues to the seruice of the diuell, represented to them vpon the sodaine a man with a vizard on his face, hauing eyes like flaming fire, a great crooked beak, teeth like a wild Boare, and crooked nailes, holding a forke of a strange fashion in his hand, casting out a hideous voice: who whilest they all looked stedfastly vpon him, said, See what a maister you serue, setting Christ aside. Which story I will here parallele with another very fit for this purpose, which was payed me or rather giuen me in exchange for the former, by a gentlewoman of Lorraine, my very friend, of one that preached in a village in Lorraine, who after he had shewed his auditors that they should all go to hell except they did amend. And what (quoth he) do you thinke hell is? Do you see that hole? I tell you it stinkes ill, but hell stinkes farre worse. Where note, that the hole which he shewed them was the Sextons posteriorums, who agreed with him to play this pageant.

6 I returne to Erasmus, who reports that he had seene certaine Monkes, who passing through the throng to go to the pulpit, couered their faces with their couls, and when they kneeled downe to pray to the fountaine of grace, and said their Aue Maria, knocked their knees so hard against the bottome of the pulpit, that all the Church might heare the noise. He saith also that he heard report of an Italian preacher, who going into the pulpit, couered his head with a cloake▪ that he neuer preached in Churches but in the open aire: that he would not admit any man to come and talke with him (for he denied that fauour to Princes) that he lay vpon the hard boords, contenting himselfe with bread and water; that he had a pale and leane face as if it had bin the very picture of death: that he spake by an Interpreter, and vsed strange gestures and outcries, by which he did affright the people; somtimes thrusting his head into an halter, counterfaiting with his eyes those that are strangled, and then better aduised, and (as it were) coming to himselfe againe, vncouering himselfe and striking his breast with his fist, cryed in his Italian, Misericordia, Misericordia: that he vsed bitterly to inueigh against dice, cards, and tabers, as also against such as wore feathers, so that he pulled on a time a feather out of a gent [...]ans hat, who sate neare the pulpit, & rent it in a thousand peeces, casting it here and there among the people, making horrible outcryes. He also reports of another who hauing made a long and vehement inuectiue against the wickednesse of the people in crucifying Christ afresh, shewed them a crucifixe, whereunto were tied bladders full of bloud, which sprang forth when he touched them, and thereof [...]e tooke and sprinkled among the people.

7 But let vs now listen to the actions and speeches of these gentle Sir Iohns, of some of which my self am witnesse: others I haue heard, and others I haue read: some in the newes of the Queene of Nauarre, and others elsewhere. I haue heard of one who preaching at Orleans, iested and gibed at his auditors, telling them that he would shew them a cuckold, and thereupon made as if he would haue cast a stone at him: where when they all stouped downe for feare of being hit: Oh, oh, (quoth he) I had thought there had bene but one, but now I see you are all cuckolds.

8 Another in the countrey of Beauuois preaching in a medow, hauing mightily [Page] inueyed against the Lutherans, told his auditors that he was much afraid lest some of them were infected with the leauen of their diuellish doctrine: & therfore desired those whose conscience told them they were not tainted therewith, but were good and sound Catholickes, to kneele downe and to take a mouth-full of grasse with their teeth, in honor of our holy mother the Church▪ which he seeing them do, and laughing at them, said,

Depuis l'heure que Dieu me fit naistre,

Ie ne vi tant de bestes paistr [...].

That is,

Long haue I liu'd, and liuing haue bene heeding,

So many beasts yet neuer saw I feeding.

9 Moreouer, when they were in a pelting chafe and fustian fume against their auditors: their maner was not to spare no not the diuell himself; witnesse, M. Iohn Fouët vicar of Villers in Tartenois, who said to his parishioners, seeing you will not amend, the diuel wil take you, and me after. Witnesse also another Curate who said, you make no reckoning of any thing I tell you, but grow euery day worse and worse; in the meane time I am charged with your soules, which I bequeath to great Beelzebub. But when I speake of mens soules giuen in charge to Curates, I should do the Curate of Pierrebuffiere in high Limosin great wrong, if I should forget him. This profound preacher, to the end he might the better exhort his parishioners to liue wel, told them: At the day of iudgement (said he) God wil call me to giue an account of you, and will say vnto me, Curat of Pierrebuffiere, what hast thou done with thy sheepe? Then shall I haue neuer a word to say. Which words he repeated 3. times, hiding himselfe euery time in the pulpit: and hauing so done, he lift vp his head & said; I know what I will answer: Beasts, ô Lord thou gauest them me, and beasts I returne them. True it is, that this cannot haue so good a grace being translated into English, as it hath in his proper dialect, being couched in absurd and barbarous Limosin termes; and therefore I caused it to be transcribed out of the originall, as followeth, Quan se vendro lou iour deu iugamen, Diou me demandaro que you ly rendo conte de vou autre: & me apelaro, Chapelo de Peyrebusieyro, en qual eytat son ta olia? & you ny mot. Et eu [...] apelaro en quero, & diro, Chapelo de Peyrebufieyro, en quel eytat son ta olia? Et you ny mot. Et enquero eu me diro, Chaphelo de Peyrebufieyro, en quel eytat son ta olia? Iusque a tre viague; Et you ly reypondray, Seigne, beytia la m [...] beylada, & beytia la te rendi. But to parallele the example of the Priest, who (as Erasmus reporteth) shewed the crucifix to his auditors: I haue heard it constantly affirmed, that there was a Monke at Blois (about twenty yeares ago) who preaching late vpon All Saints day, in a darke place, had a yong nouice behind him, who eftsoones held vp a dead mans head fastened to the end of a staffe, with a candle within it: which he did to make them the more afraide of the dead; as in truth it strooke such a terror into the hearts of certain women, that (as it is reported) it caused them to trauaile before their time.

10 And to quite the former story of Robert Liciensis (who so astonished the Pope and his Cardinals by these words which he spake as soone as he was come into the pulpit, Fy Saint Peter, Fy Saint Paul; I remēber one who began his sermō in this sort: By the blood, by the flesh, by the death of Christ, we are redeemed. Making his auditors much to maruaile in that he made a litle pause after he had said, By the blood, by the flesh, by the death of Christ. Which I heard reported by an ancient father, who said he heard it from his owne mouth. Howbeit some say he spake thus▪ By Gods blood we are saued, by Gods death we are redeemed. Further, this putteth me [Page] in mind of the profanenesse of two Chanons of Blois, one of which being Godfather to one Iohn Gods sonne, called him Death; the other being Godfather to his daughter, called her Vertue; so that ioyning the proper names to the sirname, the sonne was called Death God, and the daughter Vertue God. Howbeit these names (as some say) were changed at their confirmation.

11 Now this kind of swearing puts me in mind of a Curate in Paris, whose Sermons serued many players in stead of Comedies. This iolly gentleman made no conscience to sweare by God in the pulpit, in despite of the Lutherans. For going about to proue that they were worse then the diuell; The diuell (quoth he) wil runne away as soone as I make the signe of the crosse, but if I should make a crosse before a Lutheran, by G. he would flie in my face and throttle me. And seeing I haue begun to speake of this Curate, I will here prosecute the rest of his Legend, at least so farre as I know. For (if we may beleeue his owne testimony) he is a man (doubtlesse) whom God hath graced with excellent gifts: I say, if we may beleeue his owne testimony: for in a certaine Sermon he said, he maruelled what should be the reason that other Curates in this towne preached not so well as he; they wil say (quoth he) they want learning, and you know well enough how that a yeare ago I knew nothing, and now you see how learnedly I preach. In another Sermon he purged himself of a false aspersion and imputation, by no other argument th [...]n the testimony of his sister. There are some (quoth he) which prate that I keepe whores in my house; lo there is my sister (pointing to her with his finger) who should know if there were any such such matter, (for I must go through her chamber to come to my lodging) let her speake aloud whether it be so or not. The same Doctor (who became so learned in one yeare) hauing caried a paper into the pulpit, wherein the Bishop of Paris and the Officiall excommunicated certaine of his parishioners, and hauing let it fal into a hole of the pulpit, he bethought himselfe of a daintie deuice neuer heard of before, and such it may be as neuer any man dreamed of: for hauing forgotten their names, and lost his paper wherein they were written, he said, I excommunicate all that are in this hole. But after he had better bethought himselfe of the names of those who were fallen into the hole (that is to say, who were written in the paper which fel into the hole) he said he excepted the Bishop of Paris and his Officiall. The same Preacher being angry on a time at little children, for going vp and downe the streets and singing filthy songs; A rablement of bastards (quoth he) gad vp and downe the towne, singing such and such songs: I would I were their father, ô how I would curry them. He also iested merily on a time as he was discoursing with Henry the second (who sent for him for that purpose:) for the King hauing asked him of his parishioners; he said they might be good enough, for he preached to them dayly. The King hauing further demaunded of him, how they caried and demeaned themselues: They are (quoth he) very demure in my presence, and ready to do all that I cōmand them; but as soone as my taile is turned, Soufflez Sire: which answer the King tooke in good part, because it was not spoken in knauery, no more then his other descants which he vsed ordinarily in his Sermons. For if it had bene perceiued that he had aequiuocated of set purpose in the word Soufflez (which besides his proper signification, namely blow, is taken of the common people in the same sence with De belles, that is, Tush, he prates, or he talkes idlely,) I beleeue they would haue taught him to haue blowne after another fashion.

12 But to returne to the Sermons of this idle Doctor, he shewed on a time a fine conceit (although by his owne confession he got all his learning in a yeare) [Page] when he vsed no other reason but the authoritie of his horse to confute those that denied Purgatory: whereas others haue trauailed both in petty and profound, yea in most illuminate Doctors, euen Saint Patricke himselfe, and haue alleadged the apparitions of sundry cart-loades of soules comming out of another world, to proue the point; and yet haue had their mouthes stopped. For this gentle Sir Iohn (inueying against the Lutherans, for that they would not beleeue Purgatory) reasoned against them in this sort: I will tell you (quoth he) a story, whereby you shall see what wicked fellowes they be to deny Purgatory. I am (as you know) the son of Maister E.N. (now deceased) & we haue a faire house at S. Antonies bridge; whither going on a time, as I was benighted, my horse which caried my maile (you must know he is a good one, and at your seruice, Sirs) staid (against his custome) and began to cry Pouf, pouf. Whereupon I said to my man, Spurre, spur. Sir (quoth he) I spur him; but certenly he seeth something. Then I remēbred how that I had heard it told my deceased mother, that certaine apparitions had bene seene in that place; and thereupon I said my Pater noster and my Aue Mary, which my good mother taught me, and hauing so done, I bad my man spurre againe, which he did. Then my horse going but three or foure steps further, stood stone still, and cried againe Pouf, pouf. And my man assuring me that he saw something, I said my De profundis, which my father taught me: and presently my horse went forward. But staying the third time, I had no sooner said Auete omnes animae, & requiem aeternam, but he went freely, and neuer stopped nor stayed after. Now then seeing these wicked hereticks say that there is no Purgatory, & that we ought not to pray for the dead, I send them to my horse which carieth my maile, I say to my maile horse to learne their lesson.

13 Neither must this worshipfull Curate beare away all the praise of such subtility. For a Iacobin Fryer called Deuolay may well match him, who vsed a very subtle comparison to proue a point, where all their Doctors had lost their Latine. These wicked Lutherans (quoth he) will not beleeue that the body and blood of Christ is in the Sacrament of the Altar. For (say they) if it were so, they should thē see it. But come hither great foole; when thou hast a venaison pastie, dost thou not say it is such or such a pasty? and yet thou seest not what is within it.

14 We dayly heare of sundry other cōparisons vsed by these Preachers: some of which are plainly ridiculous, others not only ridiculous, but also absurd & scurrilous; yea so many wayes profaning Christiā religion, that they may well be coū ted impious & blasphemous. For though we should pardon those which compared the grace of God to goats dung (in saying that as a goat being got to the top of an ouen dungeth here and there, so as it runneth down on euery side: so the grace of God disperseth it selfe euery where.) Yet what shall we say of those companions who so profane the mysterie of the holy Trinitie, as that they sticke not to cō pare it to a paire of breeches? But how they applyed it, (though I haue often heard it) I tremble to write. And the comparison which was made by a good fellow, who bare no great good wil to Fryer Francis nor any of his Fraternity, was no lesse wicked, though much more witty and of far better grace then the former, when he resembled the holy Trinitie to a Franciscan, in saying that as there were three persons in the Trinity & yet but one God: so a Franciscan was shauen like a foole, gray like a wolfe, tyed with a cord like a theefe; and yet but one man. He spake also very profanely (though ridiculously) who told foure souldiers (whom he saw out of the pulpit in the midst of his sermon) that they were in all things like vnto Christ. He was taken (said he) so shall you be: he was brought before the Iudge, so shall [Page] you be: he was bound with cords like a theefe, so shall you be: he was whipped, so shall you be: he was led to the gallowes, so shall you be: he descended into hell; so shall you I warrant you: but he came backe againe, so shall you neuer. But if we would haue a very fit and proper comparison indeed, we must returne to the Curate mentioned before, whose sermons serued many in stead of play bookes or pleasant iests to passe away the time. For preaching on a time of the golden Image which Nabuchodonazor set vp, Dan. 3. It was (quoth he) a villanous great Idol like our S. Eustace; but it was all of solide gold, would to God our S. Eustace were like it.

15 If any desire to heare other comparisons of the like straine, he may haue recourse to old folkes, who haue good memories, or he may reade the worthy works which some of these iolly Preachers haue left behind them; as namely the Sermons of Menot who saith (fol. 115. col. 2.) that they haue the same custome in Paradise which they haue in Innes in Spaine. The custome (quoth he) of Paradise is to pay before meate, as they do in Spaine, where the guests that come to an Inne must buy their meate beforehand, if they wil any. Thus Lazarus first payed in this world, in enduring many miseries, and after feasted in Paradise. Whereas the custome of hell, is first to make good cheare, and after to pay for it, as they do in France. Thus the rich man feasted in this world, but now is gone to hell to reckon with his host. And fol. 140. col. 4. he is much more pleasant, discoursing of the repast which our Sauiour gaue to those fiue thousand mentioned in the Gospel. For first (saith he) seeing the text saith that there were fiue thousand men besides women and children, we must needs conclude that there were foure thousand women at the least. For we see by experience, that there are alwayes foure women at a sermon for one man. Besides (quoth he) I beleeue that there was an infinite number of little children, if women in that country had as good a custome as they haue in this, who would be sory to come to a Sermon without their children hanging at their brests, & a troupe of others at their tailes, which crie all the Sermon while, and hinder both the Preacher and the auditory. After this, he compares the dinner which our Sauiour made to these people, to a Limosins dinner. I wold gladly know (quoth he) where he learned to make a dinner or a feast? I cannot think that he frequented the greedy guts of this towne, who will not forget (I warrant you) when they are at a feast to drinke with their meate. This dinner of our Lords was like the dinner of a Limosin. You know how beggers in Beausse and Champaine will reare themselues against a wall, and pull sixe pound of bread out of their wallets, and drinke neuer a drop therewith: and though they haue a pint of wine standing by them, yet they thinke it a sinne once to peepe into the pot. The French do not so, especially the Picards, who after they haue payed the shot can drinke roundly euery man his halfe a quart d'escu: and if there were a half peny loafe on the boord, he should be sure to haue a stab that did first cut it. But this day our Lord made the dinner of a Limosin. And a little after: I beleeue (quoth he) it was Lent (as it is now) and euery man ate as much fish as he would. Our Sauiour at the mariage of Cana gaue wine onely, and not bread; but here he giues bread only, and not wine. Wherein he shewed his great wisedome, for he kept open house for all come [...]s. The Scripture saith not that the virgin Mary was there: for had she bene there, she would (I warrant you) haue said to her Sonne as she did at the mariage (Ioh. 2.) They haue no wine. O my Son, you come very fitly to shew your glory and power in feeding this great multitude: I see they eate apace, but the principall thing is wanting, They haue no wine. Here is good cheere (thanks be to God) but they haue [Page]no wine to drinke, they haue nothing wherewith to moisten their morsels. And why did not our Lord take care for drinke as well as for meate? I answer, propter aquarum approximationem, miraculi ma [...]orem declarationem, sacramenti Eucharistiae praefigurationem: that is, because there was store of water at hand, because he would shew the miracle more euidently, because he would hereby prefigure the Sacrament of the Eucharist. Touching the first, it is said, that they came from beyond the sea of Galily: that they sate on faire greene grasse, and after they had eaten their bellies full, were permitted to go to the sea and drinke à tirelarigaud, that is, setting cock on the hoope, to drink till they burst. For he interlards his Latin with this fine French word, Et post comestionem habebant licentiā eundi ad bibendū in mari à tirelarigaud. Which passage I do the rather alleadge at large (albeit it had bene sufficient onely to haue quoted the place) to the end the Reader might the better perceiue how they toy and trifle with the Scripture: of which prophanenesse we haue alledged sundry examples before. Howbeit they haue some comparisons very pleasant, and nothing prophane; as when Maillard saith, that Monkes in their Cloisters, are like pease in the cod; and out of their Cloisters, like pease in the pot.

16 Moreouer, these iolly Preachers had an excellēt facultie in begging their smal necessaries in the pulpit, and blushing no more then a blacke dog, albeit some did it with far better grace then others, vsing aequiuocatiōs or words of doubtful construction, very fit for the purpose: as when one said, En nostre caue on n'y void The grace of the cōcent consisteth in yt Amphiboly or ambiguity of the phrase on n'y void goutte, &c. which signifieth either a darke place where a man can see nothing: or a void & empty place where a man hath nothing▪ in the latter sense it is here vsed by this cunning beggar. goutte, en nostre grenier on n'y void grain. Another: At the first when I began to preach among you, I was flegmaticke, but now I am sanguine; making an allusion betwixt sanguine and sans guain, that is, without profit or gaine. Another preaching on a time when his parishioners were sheering their sheepe, said, La laine me faut, I want wooll: where the simple people vnderstood him as though he had said, L'alene me faut, I haue lost my breath. Sutable hereunto I haue heard of one who told his parishioners in his Farewell Sermon, that he had bene seeking for one all Lent long, but could not find him. And being demaunded who it might be: he answered that his name ended in ette. Whereupon one asked him if it were not Toinette, another if it were not Perrette, a third if it were not Guillemette: he answered No. They then naming sundry other of like termination: he told them it was none of them all. In the end one asked him if it were not Iaquette. You haue hit him (quoth he) you haue hit him, it is one Iaquette indeed that I would gladly meet withall.

17 But we are to note, that there was often great aemulation and heart-burning betweene these religious orders of Friers, especially betweene the Franciscans and the Iacobins. For so it was, that they which preached best got away the others custome. For example, an Italian relates (in a book published about twelue yeares ago) how a Franciscan preaching on a time in a towne of Sicily, made his auditors beleeue that Saint Francis descended into Purgatory once euery yeare vpon his holy day, and deliuered thence the soules of all such as had bene beneficiall to his brethren. Whereupon the Iacobins (who are there called the brethren of the virgin Mary) perceiuing that this opinion which the world had of S. Francis marred their market, and cooled their kitchins, began to preach and perswade the people, that the virgin Mary (who had farre greater charitie and authoritie then S. Francis) suffered not those that had bene deuoted vnto her, or beneficiall to her Votaries, to lie frying in Purgatory a whole yeare long, as Saint Francis did, but only seuen daies, seeing that euery Saturday (the day dedicated vnto her) she went downe thither to deliuer such as had bene bountifull or beneficial to her brethren. Which aduertisements brought them in credit againe, so that they had better [Page] custom thē euer before. And sutable to this tale of Purgatory, I related one before, of a certain ghostly father who preaching at Bourdeaux, told his auditors that whē any thing is giuē for the dead, the soules hearing the sound of the mony falling into the basin or poore mans boxe, crying ting, ting, are so exceeding glad and [...]o [...] ▪ that they laugh out for ioy, and crie ha, ha, ha; hi; hi, hi. Hitherto appertaines the story of a Curate of Sauoy (as I remember) who told his parishioners in a Sermon, that Abel went euery day to Masse, and payed his tithes duly and truly, and that of the fairest and of the best: whereas Cain made no conscience to do either. And as for those who preached other points of Popish doctrine, or magnified such miracles of their Saints, as tended not directly to bring meale to their mill, (as when a Picard alleadged in commendatiō of virginitie, that because Saint Paul and Saint Barbe were virgins, they bled nothing but milke when they were beheaded▪) we haue varietie in sundry places of this booke. But as for the meanes which they vsed to keepe their kitchins hot, I am to speake hereafter.

18 Now how familiarly they preached, we may perceiue by that which M. Adrian Beguine Curate of S. Germine in Noyon said on a time to his parishioners in the pulpit: My friends, you must haue patience with me for this time, for I am bid to dinner to maister Mayor to take part of a pig▪ otherwise par l'arme du bon fiu men pere ie vous dirois, rouge, rage, enragée, that is, By the soule of my good sire, I would tickle you ouer a text. Another Curate in the towne of Quercie speaking of Shrouetuesday, commended to his parishioners these three good Saints, Saint Pansard, Saint Mangeard, Saint Creuard, that is, Saint Belligod, Saint Al. S. Pamphagus. Eat-all, Saint Burstenbelly.

19 But they vsed more familiar and homely speeches when they fell in discourse of women, which they were wont to do in handling certaine places of the Gospel, as where it is said, that Christ appeared first to women after his resurrectiō: for then no ieast could peepe forth, but babling women wold be sure to haue it by the end. He therefore appeared first vnto them, as knowing that this rumor would sooner be bruted abroade, then if he had first appeared to men. For my part, I remember I was at a Sermon where this argument was handled at large, and in such sort that it made all our modest maids and matrons blush for shame: since which time I haue heard of sundry others of the like straine. Sometimes also they extolled women aboue men, because there was neuer any man so highly honored as the virgin Mary. But a certaine ghostly father serued them finely in one of his sermons, contrary to their expectation. For hauing taken these words out of Luk. 24. for his text, O fooles and slow of heart to beleeue, leauing the rest (as their manner was to shread the Scripture as they thought good,) he began to discourse how much men were disgraced in this place, and how no such disgracefull speech was vttered of women in all the Scripture. And yet if we consider to whom this was spoken, we shal find it was spoken to the proudest Prelates in the Church. Amongst other things which he alleadged in honour of women, this is not to be forgotten, viz. that there was no village nor hamlet so small, but if you had asked for the house of a The conceit cannot be expressed in English by reasō of the homonymi [...] of the word sage femme ▪ which signifieth as well a midwife as a wise & prudent woman. sage femme, they would forthwith haue shewed it you: but a man should be well serued, if he should aske for the house of a sage homme. And after he had graced women with many other titles of honour which were not giuen to men, perceiuing by their countenances that they tooke great pleasure therein, and began to fleare and giggle, and to looke at men ouer the shoulder; yet for all this (quoth he) be not so proud, for I shall soone take downe your edge: and hauing so said, he began in this sort. First there are religious orders of good men, but none of good women: [Page] and then Secondly and Thirdly, &c. forgetting none of those fine conceits which our buffons and Scoggin-like scoffers vse in gibing at the weaker sexe.

20 Yet this is not all. For these venerable Preachers (those especially who are called ghostly fathers) neuer respecting the lesson which is taught them, Si non castè, tamen cautè, that is, If not chastly, yet [...]rily, vsed for the most part such obscene scurrilous speeches in the pulpit, that it was a question whether they preached the word of God, or celebrated the Bacchanalian feasts in the presence of Margot and Alizon; which names I find in Iohn Menard, who hauing bene a Franciscan Frier for a long time, and a most zealous maintainer thereof in defending it with tooth and naile, yet when it pleased the Lord to open his eyes at the last, and to let him see his sinne, he cast off his cowle, and writ a booke against the whole pack of them, called the Declaration of the rule and order of the Franciscans: wherein he discouers part of their knauery. Among other things he writeth, how that beside their ordinary allowance and pension which they had of the Couent of Paris, their manner was to aske mony for apparell, bookes, paper, inke, as also to defray the charges of their sicknesse, &c. that they might euer haue some little ouer-plus wherewith to visit the greene basket neare to the Iacobins, or such like Tauernes and suspected houses; where a man might haue found apparell of all sorts, which these gallands tooke to go to the Tennis-court to play with gentlewomen, disguised in strange attire, yea euen Lords wiues, whose husbands were non-residents from their houses. He further addeth, that the Franciscans of Paris played certaine games at Tennis with them, vpon condition that if the Friers did win, they should chuse the fairest gentlewoman and loueliest Ladie in the company; and if that the gentlewomen or Ladies did win, they should chuse the frolickest Franciscan. But to returne to the argument in hand, these ghostly fathers made no conscience to vse the same speeches in their Sermons, which they had vsed in a brothel house; to which purpose I could alledge sundry stories, which some might haply think very pleasant: but (as I haue often before protested) I abstaine of purpose from the rehearsall of them; for doubtlesse it is enough and ouer-much, that heauen & earth haue bene so long infected with the stinke of them. For proofe whereof though I should alleadge no other example but that which is recorded by the late Queene of Nauarre (in the eleuenth Nouuelle) of certaine speeches deliuered by a Franciscan in a Sermon, my assertion should be strongly confirmed. Who to shew how lightly he regarded the offence and scandall which he gaue by his loose and lasciuious speeches, said to the goodwiues of his parish; Go to faire Ladies, by and by when you are pratling among your gossips, you will say, But what M. Frier is this (trow we) that speaketh thus boldly? It is some good fellow sure. I will tell you (Madames) maruell not if I speake boldly, for I am of Anjou, yours to command, &c. And what conscience made he of giuing offence, when he mocked those who took offence at him? saying, O my maisters and dames of S. Martins, I maruel you should be offended at a thing the least of a hundred, and prattle of me euery where, and say, O it is a foule matter, who would haue thought the ghostly father would haue got his hostesse daughter with child? And is it indeed such a wonder that a Monk should get a wench with child? Tel me in good earnest, what would you haue said if the maid had got the Monke with child? This is the summe of that news. And he that desires to see these particulars exemplified, may find them in the former part of the Apologie, in the Chapter which intreateth of whoredomes committed by our good Catholickes.

21 I was purposed here to haue ended this Chapter, but that I cannot in [Page] conscience omit a short story very pertinent to this purpose, concerning the grosse speeches which these gorbellied shauelings vsed in their Sermons; to the end the Reader may perceiue that they are euer like themselues, as being neuer cloyed with this clunch, nor any thing daunted, no not when they are among the dead. The story is recorded by a man of good credit who hath written annotations vpō the Abstract of the Franciscans Alcoran; and is thus couched in his owne words. For my part, seeing it cometh here so fitly, I will tell you what I saw at Paris: ‘Foure begging Friers being intreated on a time to bury a corps, it was the Franciscans turne to sing Requiem & Libera, which they did very lustily (for they were in good hope to be well rewarded for their labor) the other three in the meane time talking merrily together. Where (as I came out of a house) I saw two yong lustie Augustines, who held each other by the hand, and sang,’ ‘Brunette suis, iamais ne seray blanche.’ That is,

Nut-browne I am, as you may see,

And neuer fairer shall I be.

CHAP. XXXVII. Of the subtiltie and profoundnesse of the foresaid Preachers or professors of Diuinitie: as also of the traditions of the Franciscans, Dominickes, &c.

WE haue heretofore spoken of the grosse ignorance of Priests and Monkes, and exemplified it by sundry particulars; to which notwithstanding much more might be added, this at the least, of a French-man seruant to a Scot; who being examined in Latin by the Bishop (who was to giue him orders) and thinking that the Latine which the Bishop spake had bene Scottish, answered: If it please your Lordship; my maister vnderstands Scottish very well, but so do not I. As also this of another deepe Diuine, who being asked Quot sunt septem Sacramenta? answered, Tres, Aspergillum, Thuribulum, & magnum Altare. Howbeit, some of them I must needs confesse (to make amends for this geare) haue bin so vengeably learned, and haue found out such subtill speculations, that the most pregnant wits and ripest iudgements can hardly conceiue them. And first to begin with their language, certaine I am that diuers of thē haue deliuered such abstruse things, and so far fetched, that Cicero himselfe neuer heard the like. Besides, they haue found out a new deuice to make a medley and mixture of Latin and French, with such excellent good grace, that it is not possible almost a man should be wearied in reading therof. For proofe of which particulars, the places quoted before out of Menot and Maillard may suffice, especially for such as haue not their bookes at hand. For there they may see the fine interlarding of these tongues, and that not without some subtiltie. But yet there is a further matter then either of these: for they haue so emphatically expressed their notions in their home-spun Latin, that all the classicke authors of the Latin tongue may cast their caps at them: as when Oliuer Maillard saith, fol. 6. col. 3. Primò venit ad primam in domo sua existentem, & percutit ad ostium, dicendo Trac, trac, trac: & ancilla venit &c. Tell me now (gentle Reader) whether Cicero or any author of the Latine tongue had either the wit or the heart to make a Latin word [Page] of this short conceited word Trac, which hath so good a grace, and doth so well expresse a mans meaning?

2 But this is not all: for they haue bene so curious in rendring reasons of euery word they spake, as that they haue ouerskipped but very few without knowing their Etymologies, nay they haue found out such subtill notations, as cannot sufficiently be wondered at. For, who would euer haue thought that there had bin such a secret hidden vnder this word Aue, as we find in sundry of those preachers and diuines, and namely in Barelete, and in the author of the sermons intituled Dormi securè? Barelete fol. 230. col. 1. saith Ingressus Gabriel ad eam, dixit, Aue gratia plena, Dominus tecum, ab a, quod est sine, & vae culpa. Immunis à triplici vae, de quibus Apoc. 12. Vae vae vae habitantibus in terra. Asmuch also to the same effect writes the other (whom I named euen now) in his first sermon De conceptione beatae Maria virginis. Neither was there lesse dexterity vsed in the anatomy of the word Sacerdos, as it is deciphered vnto vs in a booke called Stella clericorum as followeth: Quinque enim sunt dignitates Sacerdotū praecaeteris. Primò dicitur sacerdos quasi sacris dotatus, scililet sacris ordinibus, quia ipse est in summo gradu, qui est Sacerdotum. Secundò Sacerdos, quasi sacris deditus, id est sacramentis, ad sacrificanda sacramenta; nam ipse sacrificat sacrosanctum corpus Domini cum verbis, signis, prodigijs, & caetera sacramenta. Tertiò, dicitur Sacerdos quasi dans sacra; dat enim baptismum, confessionem▪ poenitentiam, indulgentiam, eucharistiam, benedictionem, & extremam vnctionem. Quartò, dicitur sacerdos, quasi sacra docens: docet enim verba sancti euangelij & articulos rectae fidei. Quintò, dicitur Sacerdos quasi sacer dux, quasi ducatum praebens & iter populo ad regna coelorum, verbo sacrae doctrinae & vitae bono exemplo, vnde versus;

Sacris dotatus & sacris deditus, atque

Sacra docens, sacra dans, & dux sacer esto sacerdos.

And who would haue thought that a man could euer haue found such a mystery in the name Dominicus? Dicitur Dominicus (saith Barelet fol. 191. col. 4.) quasi totus Domini: vel Dominicus quasi cu [...]tos Domini, vel Dominicus quasi à Domino custoditus. And for Franciscus, what do you thinke they haue found in his belly? Let vs heare what his Legend saith, Franciscus dicitur ratione securitatis, ex virtute & operum perfectione, & honestatis in conuersatione. Aiunt enim Franciscos dici quaedā signa instar securium, quae Romae ante Consules ferebantur, quae erant in terrorem & securitatem. True it is indeed, there are sundry other notations giuen of his name, but this is holden to be the soundest. Now this subtil and curious Etymologizing is not in these names onely, but in all other names of the Saints, registred in the booke called The golden Legend or Legends: For example, Gregory is compounded of Grex, that is an assembly, & of Goire, that is preacher. KATHERINE, of Katha, that is all, and of ruina ouerthrow, for the diuels fort was cleane ouerthrowne in her: Katherine signifying as much as vniuersall ouerthrow, he being dislodged and cast out of her. Quintine comes of quin (que) fiue, and teneo, tenes, to hold, signifying one which holdeth fiue things. If any shall reply and say, that it is not to be wondered that the ancient Latinists neuer mētioned these Etymologies, considering the names were not then in vse; I answer, that they had as good dexteritie in giuing Etymologies of ancient latin words; witnesse the notation of Mulier, quasi mollis aër. It was also a very subtill inuention, to fetch Etymologies of Greeke and Hebrew words from the Latin, as we haue shewed before in presbyter, diabolus, and Iesus.

3 But now we are to prosecute other subtill speculations, concerning matters of greater moment. And first, what braines may we thinke had they, which coyned so many quaint questions as haue bene formerly mentioned? And what [Page] shall we say to their great pains in expounding the Scriptures, so as that they make a nose of waxe of the [...], as hath bene shewed▪ We haue seene also how cunning Diuines they were in diuining & cōiecturing at many things, wherof the scripture speakes not a word. Besides, we haue giuen some tast of their witty comparisons and braue arguments: and yet if a man would take a little paines to turne ouer the bookes out of which they gathered all this geare, he might finde other manner of stuffe then this. For exāple, when Menot fol. 48. col. 3. maketh Christ to go through the twelue signes of the Zodiacke, it is such a dainty deuice as hath not bene heard of. But their wits were much more refined, and sublimated in other speculations; as in finding the old and new Testament in the two hornes of Bishops Myters; simplicity and innocency in the Friers cowle: and sundry like things, as by and by we shall heare.

4 And if we come to the mysticall expositions of all the tooles and trinkets, as also the Apish trickes and turnings vsed in the Masse, we must needs confesse that there lyeth so great a mystery or secret subtilty hidden vnder them, that they (doubtlesse) are men of the sharpest wit, and best iudgement, which vnderstand least thereof. For is it not cunningly done, to make one Massemonger act twenty or fiue and twentie parts, as of Christ, of the virgine Mary his mother, of all the Apostles, yea and of the traytor Iudas? as also of the theefe that was crucified, the Centurion, the Publican, &c? But how is it possible (may some say) he should act so many parts, and represent so many persons? I answer, one part is performed only with crossings; for with one Crosse which he maketh ouer the consecrated host and another ouer the chalice, seuerally, he playeth two parts: the one of Christ, the other of Iudas. By the three other crosses which are made before, are represented the Father, the holy Ghost, and Christ who was deliuered to death by himself, and by thē also. But if this were all the mystery that lay hid in these Crosses al were nothing▪ Marke then what followeth: After these two Crosses seuerally made, and that the Crosse [...] hath spread his armes abroade (whereby he representeth Christ stretched vpon the Crosse) and hath lifted vp the host to be worshipped (which they call th [...] Eleuation) by the three Crosses which he maketh, one ouer the host, another ouer the Chalice, and a third vpon himselfe, he acteth the part of three seuerall estates of men, viz. of those in heauen, in Purgatory, and in earth. As for the fiue Crosses which are made after the first three, besides that two of them being seuerally made, one ouer the host, and the other ouer the Chalice, do signifie as hath bene said; all of them together betoken sundry other things. As first, the fiue dayes, betwixt Palmesunday and Good Fryday; or the fiue wounds of Christ, two in his feete, two in his hands, and one in his right side. Neither is this all: For the first three of the fiue, (being made ouer the Chalice and host together,) figure the deliuery of Christ to the high Priests, the Scribes & Pharisies: as also the price for which Christ was sold, viz. thrise ten, that is 30. pence. Now thē consider (good Reader) if vnder these crossings there be so many and so profound speculations, what sublimate subtilties there must needs be in all their trinckets, tr [...]ndals, gābols, knocking of breasts, and in the rest of that so trimme and pleasant stageplay, apish trickes, and mummery? Moreouer, euery of these Doctors haue had their particular reuelations, for the cōfirmatiō of these speculations; I say euery of these Alcoranists of the Masse, as Titelmā, Gabriel Biel, Brunus, Philo, with others. For the Masse priest his [...]lbe (according to some Doctors) signifieth the conuersation of Christ in the flesh; according to others, the purity of his body incarnate in the wombe of the Virgin; according to a third sort, the white garment wherewith Herod apparelled [Page] him, when he sent him backe to Pilate arayed like a foole: and according to a fourth sort, the constancy of the most cleare light. And for the fine linnen wherof the Albe is made, it signifies (as they say) the subtiltie of the Scriptures. The like may be said of the Amict: for some are of opinion, that it representeth the veile wherewith Christ was blindfolded when the Iewes mocking him in Caiphas house, buffeted him: others are of opinion that it signifieth the diuinitie of Christ hidden vnder his humanity: some say that it comes in the roome of the Iewish Ephod. I omit to speake of the girdle, the maniple, and the stole, which are also diuersly interpreted. The fire and burning tapers (as some affirme) figure Christ, who is the fire which consumeth the rust of our sinnes: others say that the fire signifieth the fire of charitie, enuyroning Christian people; and the burning taper, the light of faith, as also the ioy of Christs coming and incarnation. The paten also (according to the iudgement of some deepe diuines) signifieth the diuinitie of Christ, as well as the Amict: but according to others, it hath another signification. Gloria in excelsis vttered with a lowe and soft voice, signifieth (as some affirme) the childish puling voice of Christ lying in his cradle: but according to other Doctors, it hath another meaning. But what greater skill can a man desire then this, to tell what the Masse-priest saith, when he speaketh neuer a word? Doubtlesse this is an Abyssus or bottomlesse sea of subtilties: and yet this is not all; for hitherto I haue only spoken of the play which is acted by one onely. I leaue it therefore to thy consideration (gentle Reader) what manner of play that is which is played by three: viz. when the Massingmate hath the Deacon and Subdeacon to assist him? For if there were no more but this, that when the Deacon (according to Titelman) playeth his part in singing some parcell of Scripture shred out of the Gospel, with his face towards the North, he should with his crossing chase away all the Northerne diuels; were not this a most monstrous mysterie? But I will no longer insist vpon these subtill speculations, for feare I shold bring the Reader in loue with the booke, wherby he might be drawne to become a sworn brother to the Guyld of the Massemongers. Neuerthelesse, this one thing I will say for a finall conclusion, let the Massemaligners, or Massemarrers call it as they list, either stageplay, or apish toy, or mommery, iuggling or sorcery; they must needs confesse, that Pythagoras with all his mysticall numbers had neuer the wit to inuent so pleasant and profitable a Morrisdance. And it is not without cause that I here alleadge Pythagoras: for besides that the Pythagorean Phylosophy hath (as wee know) some such liniaments of curious subtiltie, we are not ignorant, that the book intituled The conformity of Saint Francis with Christ, nameth Pythagoras first, before all the other Philosophers, whose example Christ hath worthily followed, in hauing Disciples, as fol. 43. of the foresaid impression. Dubium est is [...]ad an Dominus noster Iesus Christus decenter fecit, Apostolos eligendo, & discipulos habere speciales volendo, quia videretur melius fore, habere multos, quàm paucos, & omnes, quàm aliquos speciales. Respondetur, quòd Dominus decētissimè fecit, primò volendo habere discipulos. Ratio pri [...], quia quum esset virt [...]osissimus, aliquos ipsius ad instar aliorum imitatores habere debeat: Pythagoras, Plato, Socrates, Aristoteles, & sic de alijs, Iohannes Baptista habuerunt discipulos, quare ipse à fortiori.

5 Howbeit I find the allegories in the booke intituled Quadragesimale spirituale, to be more miraculously subtill (if I may so speake) and to proceed from a far more pleasant and conceited head: which spirituall quadr [...]gesimall, otherwise called Lents allegory, was printed at Paris in the yeare 1565. after that it had bene reuiewed and corrected by two venerable Doctors of Paris: out of which booke I [Page] will here extract certain periods, by which the Reader shall easily iudge of the rest. The author therefore speaking in his first Chapter of the Sallad which is eaten in Lent at the first seruice, saith, that by the sallad which is made of diuers herbes, and procureth a good appetite, we may vnderstand in a mysticall sense the word of God, which should giue vs both appetite and strength. And a little after, by the sweetnesse of the oyle and sharpnesse of the vinegar equally mixed together, we are to vnderstand the mercy and iustice of God.

Chap. 2. After the sallad we eate fried beanes, by which we vnderstand confession. When we would haue beanes well sodden, we lay them in st [...]pe, for otherwise they will neuer seeth kindly. Therefore if we purpose to amend our faults, it is not sufficient barely to confesse them at all aduenture (as some do) but we must let our confession lie in steepe in the water of meditation, in distinguishing and rightly discerning all our offences in particular. And a little after: We do not vse to seeth ten or twelue beanes together, but as many as we meane to eate: no more must we steepe, that is, meditate vpon ten or twelue sinnes onely, neither for ten or twelue dayes, but vpon all the sinnes that euer we committed euen from our birth, if it were possible to remember them.

Chap. 3. Strained pease (Madames) are not to be forgotten. You know how to handle them so well, that they will be delicate and pleasant to the tast. By these strained pease our allegorizing flute pipeth nothing else but true contrition of heart, which is one part of penance. Note this further, that pease neuer seeth kindly in well water nor conduit water, but only in riuer water: which mystically signifieth that true repentance cannot seeth rightly, that is, cannot be made perfect with well water or conduit water, by which are meant teares of attrition: but he that would haue them to seeth well, must of necessitie take riuer water, that is, true contrition. For by well water which runneth not, is vnderstood attrition: and by riuer water contritiō. And so the doctors say, that there is great difference betwixt them: for attrition is vncertaine, so that spirituall pease cannot seeth well in it: but contrition is certaine, and maketh good decoction for the pease of penance. Riuer water which continually moueth, runneth and floweth, is very good for the seething of pease. We must (I say) haue contrition for our sins, and take the running water, that is, the teares of the heart, which must runne and come euen into the eyes.

Chap. 4. The broth of pease is also greatly to be commended, for it furnisheth Lent dinners very well. By the iuyce of pease strained through a strainer, is vnderstood a purpose and resolution to abstaine from sinne.

Chap. 5. When the Lamprey is eaten, men fall to their other fish. I find that the Lamprey of all other fish is most nourishing, and therefore I compare restitution vnto it. Some (perhaps) wil say, they haue not mony enough to buy this Lamprey: indeed I must needs say that Lampreys are commonly deare, but yet this is true withall, that as they are deare, so they are very excellent meate. If you will eate of this noble Lamprey, which is the remission of your sinnes. viz. the loue of God; you ought to buy it, were it neuer so deare. You must not thinke to buy it for a shilling or two, or halfe a crowne, no no [...] yet for a crowne: but you must restore all the mony, goods, and what else you vniustly detaine from your neighbors; you must emptie your purses of it, therewith to make restitutiō. And further, you must emptie your hearts of all rancor and malice, otherwise you shall neuer eate worthily of this Lamprey, together with his bloud, wherewith that excellent sawce is made, which is the merit of the passion.

[Page]Chap. 6. By Saffron which is put into all broths, sawces, and Lent meates, I vnderstand the ioyes of heauen, which we must thinke vpon, yea (as it were) smell, rellish and ruminate of in all our actions; for without Saffron we shall neuer haue good iuyce of pease, good strayned pease, nor yet good sawce. Neither can we without thinking vpon the ioyes of heauen, haue good spirituall broths.

Chap. 7. Orenges also are right good in Lent (as Physitians say:) By the orenge I vnderstand the loue which we ought to haue towards God, which is well noted by the colour of the Orenge, & the kernels within it; being of a punick colour, that is, yellow drawing to a red, which in the holy Scripture signifieth charitie of loue which we owe to God, in louing him with all our hearts, without which all our actions should be vnprofitable and vaine. Si linguis hominum loquar & Angelorum, charitatē autē non habeā, nihil sum. And by the kernels inclosed in the orenge, I vnderstand almes giuen in secret. And a litle after; The kernels in the Orenge do shew and shadow out vnto vs the apple of loue. Wherefore I say (and that truly) that God loueth this noble fruite exceeding well, the colour thereof pleaseth him: see therefore that you present him therewith; he loueth the tast thereof, wherefore let him feed vpon it in this thy spirituall dinner.

Cap. 8 You know (Madames) that a woman cannot haue a pleasanter thing in her hand, then a goodly faire posey. This moneth of March yeeldeth a iolly forwardnesse of trimme posies: for in March groweth the sweet Violet of an heauenly colour, azure, and blew. Wil you therfore carry this Lent and at all other times, a faire and pleasant posey in your hands, which shall alwayes giue a sweet smell▪ Then take the Violet in March, which is the vertue of humilitie; for I assure you, it is a vertue highly pleasing God, & profitable for the soule▪ The March Violet &c.

Chap. 9. Prunes also are necessary to furnish out a dinner, and therefore they must be had. By these Prunes which are black and ful of good iuyce, is vnderstood abstinence from sinne, mortification of the flesh, and bodily fasts.

Chap. 10 After this they set Figs on the table for a second seruice, which are both good and wholsome, getting a man a good stomacke and a sweet breath: By these figs may be vnderstood the memory of the holy passion of Christ, which strengtheneth the stomacke, and makes it able to digest tribulations, temptations, griefes, labours, melancholike passions, and yeeldeth a sweet and pleasant smell.

Chap. 11. Yet this is not all, for if we would feed more liberally, we must haue Almonds also. Physitians say that the bitter Almond is wholsomer then the sweete, and therefore I will speake of them: I say then, that we must not forbeare to eate these Almonds, albeit they be bitter. Some there are who take the sweete and leaue the bitter: and yet they are not so wholsome. For that which is distastfull and vnpleasant to the palate, may do the heart good. By these bitter Almonds I vnderstand the remembrance of death, of the last iudgement, and of the paines of hell, which must accompany our Lent dinner.

Chap. 12. The hony which we eate in Lent is a precious thing, and chiefly for the dames. The Philosopher saith, that hony is like gold. By hony I vnderstand nothing else but a heauenly life and conuersation: for the life and conuersation which we ought to leade, especially in this holy time of Lent, must proceed and distill from heauen as good and precious hony.

Chap. 13. After our fine white manchet we may not forget simnels and wine: for they are the best part of the dinner. By bread and wine we vnderstand the obtaining of the ioyes of heauē; and by the simnels faith, which we ought to haue in one God. Creator of heauen and earth, distinguished into three persons. This appeareth [Page] plainly in the simnell which hath 3. horns or corners, all which are but one and the same thing by essence of nature. Further, there are simnels made of another fashion, viz. like the halfe Moone, hauing only two hornes, signifying the two natures of Christ, his diuinitie and humanitie. Now all this we must constantly beleeue vpon paine of damnation: Besides, parents are to teach it their children, Preachers the people, and schoolmasters their schollers, especially in the holy time of Lent, according as simnels are then giuen children to eate. And a litle after, There are two kindes of wine, white and red: the white signifieth the hope which is in Christ Iesus; and the red, the loue which he hath shewed vs in purchasing of the foresaid glory. The bread whereof we speake, was baked in the ouen of this loue which is his precious side, wholly inflamed with the loue of mankind. Concerning the wine and the nature thereof (to omit his two colours) it is strong, and tasteth well. By the strength of it, we may vnderstand the loue which God hath borne vs, in laying downe his life for vs: and by the tast, the hope which he hath giuen vs to ascend to heauen, if we wil be careful to performe good works and exercise ourselues therin. And a litle after; This wine is of two colours, white and red: therefore it is said, Dilectus meus candidus & rubicundus, electus ex millibus. The white teacheth vs the way to heauen, for it giueth good courage to a man, legs of wine and boldnesse of ioy. The red sharpeneth the wit and vnderstanding, and helps the memory, to remember that the precious bloud of Christ gushed out of his side for our saluation. This wine is chiefe of choise among all liquors electus ex millibus.

Chap. 14. Of the foresaid wine is made good and odoriferous Hypocras, cleare and wel spiced. King Salomon doth make of it and selleth it, as it is said in the Canticles, Dabo tibi vinum conditum. The merchant and factor for these Aromaticke drugs, spices and confects, is my Lord Saint Paul, who like a painefull merchant brought them out of a farre countrey, viz. out of heauen. By these drugges, spices and precious confections, as Sugar, Cassia, Lignea, Grains of Paradise, Cinnamon and such like daintie delicates, we vnderstand infinite diuersitie of glory in heauen, which S. Paul brought with him from thence, when he was rapt vp into the third heauen; and that in such abundance, that it could not be contained in the shop of mans heart, as it is said, Vidit arcana quae non licet homini loqui. Nec in cor hominis ascendit quae praeparauit Deus diligentibus se. My Lord S. Paul saw the ioyes of heauen and the glory thereof in a vision, and that in such variety, state and magnificence, as the heart of man cannot by meditation conceiue or vnderstand. These celestiall ioyes the Apostle sold to King Salomon, a true Apothecary, that is, to a man of peace, of an humble heart, and contemplatiue life.

Chap. 16 If a man wold haue good broths and meates wel and finely dressed, he must look to prouide good cooks, for Gentlemen, Lords and great Merchants. The good cookes which should dresse and season our meates in Lent, are the admonitions, inspirations, and perswasions of our good Angels, which we must beleeue rather in this holy time of penance then any other; for they inspire more good motions into our minds at this time then at any other: because the diuell doth then more maliciously tempt vs. We commonly feed vpon more dishes in Lent then in any time of the yeare besides: and therefore we ought to eate, vse, and learne more heauenly admonitions at that time, &c.

Cha. 17. The seruitors which should serue vs at the table in Lent, are the examples of the holy Martyrs, which haue suffered great affliction and mysery in aspiring to glory: all which serue vs in their course and place. Saint Laurence serueth [Page] in fish and herrings broyled on the gredyron. Saint Iohn the Euangelist boyled sea fish. Saint Dennys and Saint Cosme, baked pasties out of the ouen: for they were cast into fornaces. Sundry others there be which serue [...] in fryed fish; & they are such as were boyled in great coppers and caldrons, for the name of Christ.

Chap. 18. In Lent all the vessell is scoured and made cleane, pots, glasses, and caldrons. The table is also couered with a fayre white cloth, and cleane napkins laid thereon; which duty belongs to young girles, women seruants, and waiting maids: therefore in imitation of the Virgins of heauen, we ought to cleanse our vessels (as pots, glasses, and caldrons) that is, our hearts. For doubtlesse we seeth carnall desires in our flesh. Wherefore chastity and cleanlinesse ought to bring in the white table cloth and couer the table.

Chap. 19. When a man hath fed well of all these dishes, I suppose he hath had a competent refection: so that there remains nothing but to say grace. But in stead of giuing thanks, they make the dice trowle vpon the tables: one desires to play at dice, or cards: another takes a lute and playes wanton & lasciuious songs, toūds, and horne pypes. And so in stead of saying grace and giuing thanks to God; they honor & [...]erue the diuell the inuentor of all those games and sports. Do you know what the tables signifie whereat you play? By the tables which you open after you are well refreshed with bodily food (not with spirituall) is vnderstood hell, which shall be set wide open for you when you are satiate with your sinnes, and then shall the tablemen be turned, tumbled, and tossed one vpon another: that is, the soules shalbe tormented with diuers and sundry torments, specifyed by the sundry points of the tables, and the often remouing of the tablemen from one point to another. Transibunt ab aquis niuium ad calorem nimium. For the paines of hell are diuerse, &c.

Chap. 20. And as for those which play vpon the Lute, and sing ribaldry and baudy songs, in stead of saying grace; doubtlesse they much forget themselues; seeing we are all bound to giue God thanks for the benefites we receiue at our repast from his liberall and bountifull hand. And here I will shew those that loue to play vpon the Lute and other instruments, vpon what Lute they ought to play. Marke then, as a Lute hath seuen strings, so it is hollow: By the seuen strings are meant the seuē petitions of the Pater noster, with which we must giue God thanks. For the Pater noster is the best forme of prayer that euer was seene: for therein is contained whatsoeuer is necessary for vs. Likewise the seuen strings signifie these seuen vertues, Prudence, Temperance, Fortitude, Iustice, Faith, Hope, and Charity, (which we ought to haue and to pray that God wold giue vs:) or they signifie the 7. vertues opposite to the seauen deadly sinnes, viz. Humilitie, Charity, Abstinence, Diligence, Liberality, Chastity, and Patience. These are the seuen strings which we ought to strike and play vpon before God, rendring him thankes and praise, all the Lent long. The hollownesse of the Lute signifieth that our hearts should be emptyed of all things, saue onely of the resounding of godly thoughts, and heauenly prayses. The Lute is hollow, hauing nothing in it but the sounding of the strings when they are striken: so ought our hearts to be emptyed of al earthly things, and to haue no other resonance but of good thoughts and such heauenly meditations as are formerly mentioned. The melody of the strings of the Lute, &c.

Chap. 21. As I was about to take my pen from the paper, purposing to shut my booke, one of my nephewes said vnto me; ô vncle, you haue spoken of all saue sweet meates and banquetting dishes which you haue forgotten. Indeed (quoth [Page] I) thou saist true my boy. Whereupon I tooke my pen againe and writ as followeth. None can be ignorant that sweete meates are eaten at night, vpon fasting dayes, in stead of a supper: we ought in the time of fasting to be spiritually excercised, and therfore I think it good when we are disposed to fast, to eate sweet meates at night, which I will here giue you. By spirituall confects, I vnderstand perseuerance in a good course. He cannot be [...]aid to fast all Lent, that breaketh off his fast for two or three dayes: but he must fast full fortie dayes: that is, it is not enough for him to abstaine from sinne certaine dayes onely, but he must continue, and perseuere in well doing. Qui perseuerauerit vsque ad finem, [...] erit; qui verò non, condemnabitur. And because perseuerance in obedience is so necessary, I may (in my poore opinion) not vnfitly compare it to the round confect; for roundnes signifieth perseuerance, seeing that a round figure hath neither beginning nor end; as this letter O made in forme of a confect.

6 But leauing the rest of these Lenten subtilties to curious heads, which desire to vnderstand more of this trim science (seeing I haue shewed them the place where they may find them,) I will come in the next place to the subtilties contained in the rules as well of the religious beggars, wallet cariers and rogue [...], as of the rest of that rable. Howbeit my purpose is not to discourse of the subtilties of euery order particularly; it shall suffice to speake a word or two generally of them all, and after to intreate of some of them in special. Here then let vs note, that when we see either white, blacke or gray Frier, be he besmeared or smoaked, mytred or cleane brushed; yet is there not so small a rag in all his array, vnder which there lieth not hidden some great mystery. But how is it possible (may some say) but that if they be contrary one to another in their attire, there should also be a contrariety in the mysteries themselues? For example, if girding with a cord note perfection, then doubtles a large broade thong with braue buckles, garnished with gallant tongues, must needs signifie imperfection, as those which the Augustines weare. And how should these subtilties agree in such contrarietie of colours? Besides all this, wherein is it (almost) that one disagreeth not from another? For one goeth barefoot, another weareth half a paire of breeches, another a whole paire: one weareth laticed shoes, another cleane couered: one hath shoes of the plaine hide like Irish brogs, another hath woodden shoes properly called sabots or clogs: some ride, some go on foot. Some haue their cowles pointed, others haue them round: some long, others short. Some are but gentleman bald, others as bald as coots: some are shauen aboue the eare, some vnder; a third sort haue but a tuft or two. Some haue mony, and some haue none: some eate flesh, and some eate none. Howbeit they which brag of their skill in these speculatiue subtilties, deuise all the meanes they can to make these contrarieties accord together: though I feare me it is but labour lost. True it is indeed, in some particulars they may easily be accorded: as in this, that the Iacobins weare blacke in their vpper garments, and white vnder; the Carmelites contrarily weare white aboue and blacke vnder: so that it may be said, that as the Iacobins weare the virgin Maries liuery (for she reuealed it to S. Dominicke) so the Carmelites weare Elias and Elizeus liueries: So that as they with their attire please their founders; so these please their foundresse. And if it be true, that by the subtill speculation (specially of the virgin Mary) the white hood signifies puritie and virginitie, doubtlesse they great exceeding well together: the Iacobins being pure virgins inwardly, and the Carmelites outwardly. And verily if they could as wel agree in other things as in this, we should haue no cause to obiect against them the diuersitie which is in their sects: but there are such differences among them in some [Page] particulars, that the best answer (in my conceit) which can be made to stop the mouthes of all gainsayers (touching the diuersities or contrarieties in their orders) were to say, that as they hold not one way, so neither do they make account to go to one place, namely into the same heauen. And that there are indeed many Imperiall heauens, according to the opinion and doctrine of the Friers, may appeare by certaine places in the booke of Conformities: at leastwise we may boldly say, they held this opinion, [...] [...]hat there was one heauen for eaters of flesh, and another for eaters of fish.

7 Notwithstanding leauing the censure hereof to others, I will onely particularize the sect of the Minorite Friers (otherwise called Cordeliers or Franciscans) because it is holden to be the perfectest of all the rest, as being the onely sect that is canonized and registred in the sixt booke of the Decretals or Clementines. But considering that there are subtilties to be found as well in their habits as in their course of life, I will say nothing of their habits or attire, saue onely of the cord and breeches; because in them lieth the most profound speculation. First then, this cord is expounded by some to signifie perseuerance, in that we vse to bind them with cords whom we feare will runne away: and according to other speculatiue braines, it signifieth diligence, because that when a man is girded, his gowne troubleth him not so much in running as when it is loose. Lo here the allegoricall signification of the whole cord. Let vs in the next place consider what euery knot signifieth apart by it selfe. The lowest knot (which often traileth on the ground) mystically signifies canonicall obedience: the knot in the middest (which by reason of often handling is commonly more greasie then the rest) by a mysticall Antiphrasis, puritie and chastitie: and the knot aboue (wherewith they gird themselues hard) their strait and extreame pouertie. And as for their breeches, albeit they be diuersly allegorized, yet the common receiued opinion is, that they signifie the sweet odour of the sacrifice of obedience, because they are vsually perfumed with a most horrible smell.

8 Touching their demeanour and actions in their order, I will make choise onely of a few, without adding the expositions of their subtill significations, as hauing not found them in any Doctor. By their demeanour and cariage in their order, I vnderstand the ceremoniall customes of their order or rule. But because the foresaid breeches are (as it were) the fairest flower in their garland (either because they helpe to get women with child, or for some other reason) I will first beginne with them. We are therfore to know, that it is expresly forbidden the Franciscans, vpon penaltie of a heauy curse, that they neither come nor go, eate nor sleeepe, preach nor say Masse without their breeches, as being mystically incorporate together with the habit; only when they gall them betweene the legs (as sometimes it falls out in trauaile) they are permitted to put them for a time into their sleeues. Moreouer, in the yeare of probation, before they take vpon them the profession of Monkery, they learne to hold one finger in the bottome of the glasse when they drink, or to hold it with both their hands, to looke downe to the ground, to counterfet wrynecks, to hide their hands close within their sleeues, to make an hypocriticall inclinabo or ducking in the Church & elsewhere, bowing downe the head and heauing vp the taile, with an euen proportion; as also to kisse the ground, to kneele downe before the patres, when they chance to meete them: to kisse their hand, cord, or feet, if they make not offer to kisse them. I omit to speake of Cabbiges, which they cause their poore nouices to set with the roote vpward: as also dead stickes, which they cause them to water; and great bones which they make [Page] them carry in their mouthes; besides a number of other trickes described by the said Iohn Menard (in a booke intituled The rule and order of the Franciscans:) a man that could speake and write of this argument as well as another, considering he was one of this order. Albeit in the end (through the great grace and mercie of God) he left his cowle, after that he had founded the profunditie of the foresaid subtilties, besides a number of others which he recordeth.

9 To conclude, if haply (gentle Reader) thou be not yet fully satisfied with these subtill speculations, or that thou haddest rather heare them in rime then in prose: I haue found some such to content thee, where mention is made of the signification of Bishops Myters, whereof I haue spoken somewhat before.

L'aube & le surplis blane denote

Vie sans macule & sans note.

La mitre de deux parts cornue,

Science certaine absolue

Du vieil & nouueau Testament.

Les gans, des sacrez sacremens

Sincere administration.

La crosse, saine attraction

De brebis à vraye pasture.

La croix, les liures, l'Escriture,

Des humaines affections,

Auecques les afflictions,

Les auenemens signifient.

Voi [...]a où caphars se confient

Par belles contemplations.

That is,

The Albe and surplise white, do note

A life withouten staine or spot.

The horned Myter represents

Full knowledge in both Testaments.

The gloues that bene all new and white,

Handling the Sacraments aright.

The Crosiers staffe most plainly shewes,

Reducing of their strayed ewes.

The crosse, bookes, scripture, do portend

Of mens desires the doubtfull end.

Behold what trust and deepe deuises

These Prelates haue in their disguises.

CHAP. XXXVIII. How Church-men gathered great store of riches by their fiue fetches, especially in the dayes of our forefathers: and of their shamelesse and intollerable couetousnesse.

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IF we consider a little more narrowly the cunning sleights wherewith the Popish Cleargie abused our auncestors, and abuse many euen at this day: we shall find that all of them, from the least to the greatest, haue serued thē to this end, to bring the moulter to their mill. And that that which seemeth to vs (and not without cause) to be foolish and absurd, (to say no more) seemes to them very excellent, and grounded vpon good reason, when they consider the profit that accrews to them thereby: so that whatsoeuer could possibly be alleadged or said to the contrary, was but so many wast words spoken in the wind, because it was spoken against their bellies which had no eares: which is truly verified of others also, according to the old prouerbe. And we may well thinke that they kept this auncient saying alwayes in memory: Lucri bonus odor, ex re qualibet: Gaine is good, whence soeuer gotten. Neither may we doubt but that those proud Prelates (who would needs be termed pillars of the Church) when they were finely flouted and nicknamed pillers and pollers of the Church, deuourers of Crucifixes, Canuasers of Requiem, Abbey-lubbers, loytering and lazy lozels, hypocrites and rauenous wolues, would say with the couetous Athenian in Horace,

—Populus me sibilat, at mihi plaudo

Ipse domi, simul ac nummos contemplor in arca.

For they were mocked and derided of old, as shall be declared in the chapter next ensuing; and verily they were then grown more impudent then old filthy bauds. And here comes to my remembrance, what a Monke at Blois told certain good fellowes, who derided him and his order; The seculars (quoth he) shal neuer mock the Church-mē so long as the Church-men haue mocked them. Which he spake in regard of those fine trickes of conueyance, wherwith they had deluded the silly world so long, leading men by the nose, like Beares, or Buffes. True it is indeed that in so saying, he spake not so outragious wickedly as Pope Leo the tenth, who answering Cardinall Bembus (alleadging a certaine place out of the Gospell) said, ô what riches we haue gotten by this fable of Christ! Doubtlesse, as for riches this wicked miscreant lyed not: howbeit he should haue spoken most truly if he had said, ô what riches haue we gotten by abusing the name of Christ? And verily, it is almost incredible, how great the wealth and riches of the Clergie was: considering that which Baptista Fulgosius (though a fauourer of the Roman religion) recordeth of one Peter Riarus, who being a Fryer of the order of the Minorites, was created Cardinall by Pope Sixtus the fourth. For he saith that he was not contented to haue his gownes of cloth of gold, and the couerings of his bed of cloth of gold likewise; but not so much as his fetherbed ticks but were of cloth of gold; and his other furniture, all of cleane silke. Besides, he affirmeth that at Rome he made a feast to Eleanor of Arragon, as she was on her iourney going to marry the Duke of Ferrara called Hecules d' Est, wherein were so many sundry sorts of meates and daintie [Page] dishes, that it lasted for the space of seuen houres. And lest his guests should haue bene wearied, he caused sundry plaies to be acted whilst they were at table. And amongst other magnificences which he vsed, this was not the least, that euery seruitor at euery new course tooke a new sute. Yet all this is nothing to that which afterward he reporteth of the said Cardinals where (or concubine) called Tiresia, viz. that he kept her publickly, in such sumptuous manner, that she wore shooes set full of pearles and precious stones. He that doubteth of the truth of this report, may reade Fulgosius lib. 9. cap. 1. where intreating de hominum L [...]xu atque delicijs, he speaketh of it, as of a thing which at that time was notoriously knowne to all the word. But to returne to Pope Leo, who maruailed at the riches which this fable (as he said) had brought them; how (I beseech you) did he enrich himselfe and fill his coffers by one onely Croisado, when a Franciscan of Millan (called Samson) by the money which he had scraped together by that meanes, could offer an hundred and twenty thousand duckats for the Popedome? And if he offered thus much, how much (may we thinke) had he gained besides? For it is not to be thought but that he would keep a mease for Allison in store, and reserue some prety round summe against a hard winter. Now if the vassals were so rich, what may we iudge of their Lords and Masters? How euer it be, they haue verified (we see) the foresaid Prouerbe (iumping in opinion with the most villanous vsurers) that the sauour of gaine is good, whence soeuer it ariseth: which was then more truly verified then euer before, when they would needs increase their reuenues by the hire of harlots. And now (gentle Reader) consider a litle, whether that be not true which Ouid saith (as we must needs confesse) ‘Turpe, tori reditu census augere paternos.’ That is, ‘Base gaine, to raise ones state, by lone of l [...]st.’ Consider (I say) what a shame it is, that the Romish Saint Peters and Saint Pauls should haue part of their reuenues from them which get their liuing by such miserable sweat of their bodies; and that so profane a thing (which is a shame once to name) should be consecrated vnto them as a holy thing. True it is indeed, in the time of Pope Paulus the third, the number of the foresaid lusty lasses was wel abated; for there were in his register but fiue and forty thousand, as historians who haue written of the liues of Popes do constantly affirme. And certen it is, that the name Courtisan (being the most honest Synonime that can be giuen a whore) had his originall from the court of Rome; namely, from those religious Dames which conuersed somewhat more then familiarly at bed and boord with the Romish Prelates. Now this discourse of Popish riches puts me in mind of a sermon made by a Monke of Gascoine, wherein he affirmed that Antichrist at his coming would vse large liberalitie, sparing no cost to win the hearts of men vnto him: in a word, that he would sow siluer & gold in the very streets. Which words made a Gascoin [...] teeth (who was one of his auditors) so to water, that he cryed out aloud: E diu, quā biera ed aquet bon segno d' Antichrist, that is, O Lord, when will that good gentleman Anchrist come? If this poore Gascoine (whose case was to be pitied) had bene informed who this Antichrist was, he would neuer haue asked the question when Antichrist should come; but wold haue craued commendatory letters to carry to him. Howbeit, it behooued him to learne some craft (if he were not experienced therein before) of those, by whom men are wont to come in fauour with his Holinesse.

2 But I leaue these great Churchmen, so addicted to the world, and returne to their vpholders and abbettors, vsing in this behalfe the authority of the good [Page] preacher Barelete, who mentioneth the prouerb which was current in his daies, & had bene long before, to wit, That three things are insatiable, Priests, Monkes, and the Sea. And from whence arose this Prouerbe may we thinke? Certen it is that common experience brought it in vse. For when the world sawe, that Churchmen made gain of the very parings of their nails, they vsed that in cōmō speech, which they saw daily practised before their eyes. For they did not only take of the liuing and of the dead (as it is in the French Prouerb) but hauing pilled the parents both liuing and dead, they polled their children to the third and fourth, yea euen to the last generation. But what great meanes had they to effect this? Surely, the fine fetches which they vsed, were the readiest way in the world for this purpose. The number of which we know is infinite: and therfore no maruell if their wealth and riches were infinite. Amongst others, this was most strange, that they should vse the dead as a meanes to pill and polle both the liuing and the dead; of which onely my purpose is to intreate at this present. Now this meanes hath two parts (as there are two sorts of dead men) the first is, by the dead which are canonized; the second by those which are not: And with these latter I will begin this present discourse. I say then, that wheras heretofore they made their kitchins hot, by vsing (or rather abusing) the bodies and soules of the canonized Saints: now of late time they haue holpen their market onely by the goods, and soules of such as they brought out of Purgatorie, to menace and affright those that would not come off roundly in paying their pence. For the best sleight (we know) which single soled Priests and Monks had in their budgets, was taken in former time, and is at this day from their Requiem: Witnesse, that forme and phrase of speech which is common amongst thē, Allons boire sur le premier cuir qui viēdra, Let vs make good cheare at the cost of the first soule that goes to Purgatory. Witnesse also the Curate which complayned to his parishioners in this sort. Alas, what would you haue me to do, ô my parishioners? you bring me no offerings, and I see none of you die: how shall I liue then, thinke ye? But if after they had lustily chanted their requiem, they had not something giuen them (according to their desire) that they might sing Gaudeamus, they were hornemad, as if the diuel had bene among them; and then the soules of those poore Purgatorians for whose sake they had song such a short and silly requiem, returned backe to be reuenged of their children, kinsmen, and friends, which gaue not the priests occasion to sing so lustily for them, that they might not be so cruel [...]y tormented in Purgatorie: (as we see in ancient Poets, both Greeke and Latin, now the soules of the dead returne backe to curse and reuile those which haue not done their best endeauor (as they shold) in performing such rites, as to their funerals appertained.) Whereof we haue a very memorable example in the ghost or spirit which the Franciscans of Eureux counterfeited: and another after that in the spirit of Orleans, that is, in a Franciscan nouice, named Halecourt, who being hid vnder the vault of the Church, counterfeited the ghost of the Prouost Marshals wife. And why so? Because (forsooth) he gaue but sixe crownes to the Franciscans of the place for interring of her: as also for that hauing asked of him a little wood, he would giue them none. And here we are to remember the Franciscan of Burdeaux (whom I mentioned before) concerning the soules of Purgatorie, which laughed as often as any offerings were made for the dead. But because the readers may haply be cloyed with such a rablement of reports and tales of spirits walking by night, and of the ratling noyses which they make (especially about those that are in bed) and of other fooleries which ensue thereupon: I will speake no more thereof, but proceed to prosecute another point.

[Page]3 And that is touching canonized Saints, by whom the Cleargy reapes a double commoditie, partly by their bodies, and partly by their soules: by their bodies, in making relikes of them; by their soules, in vsing them for diuers offices and functions, out of which they sucke no small aduantage. And first concerning relikes, they were not content to make men worship the carcasses of such as were thought to haue led a more holy and religious life then their fellowes (as hauing some diuine vertue in them,) but further caused them to adore the relikes of the very damned themselues: witnesse an auncient Doctor, who saith, Multorum corpora adorantur in terris, quorum animae cruciantur in inferis: that is, The bodies of many men are worshipped on earth, whose soules are tormented in hell. Which is manifest by the Legend of S. Martin, where we reade that a damned soule was worshipped with high deuotion, as being thought to haue bin a Saint in heauen. I omit two other cosening knaueries, which were ordinary in this case; The one, in making some poore Saint (who (God knowes) meant simply and thought no hurt) beleeue that when he was liuing he had halfe a dozen heads, two or three dozen of eares, as many hands, and as many armes and legs: which imposture was sufficiently discouered aboue fifteene yeares ago, in a booke containing the Inuentory of sundry relikes of diuers countries. The other, when the body, or at leastwise some member or bone of him that was called a Saint, could be kept no longer, in stead of it they put the first faire one that came to their hands, though of a malefactor that had bene hanged: yea sometime the bone of an Asse, dog, or such like. As at Geneua, the relike which was worshipped a long time for Saint Anthonies arme, was found in the end to be the bone of a Stag. And though they had not vsed these sleights, yet to attribute the nature and propertie of the Godhead to carions, was a point of notorious wickednesse in the highest degree. For though it were true, that they had bene indeed the bodies or the bones of certaine men or women, which had liued in greater deuotion towards God then the vulgar sort; yet they were but dead carcasses for all that. Neuerthelesse considering we haue already seene how vilely they abused the word of God, applying it to wicked and abominable writings: no maruell if they abused the Godhead also, attributing it to whatsoeuer themselues thought good. For not content to cause men to worship the bodies of the Saints departed, or some part and member thereof, they made their garments also, their moueables, their tooles, & [...] partaker [...] of the same worship. As it is reported that at Triers in the Abbey of S. [...], [...]. Ioseph ▪ pantofles haue bene in request a long time. And at Ai [...] in [...], they were accustomed to shew his breeches, together with the virgin [...] Maries smocke, by the same token that the smocke was big enough [...] giant; whereas the breeches were scarce big enough for a boy or a dwarfe. It [...] said, that the pots and spoones which belonged to certaine Saints, haue bene elsewhere reckoned in the number of holy relikes. Nay, there is not so much as the taile of the Asse vpon which our Sauiour rode, but it is at Genoua accounted for a relike. And seeing I haue made mention of the Asse, we are further to note that the holy hay (that is, the hay which was found in the cratch where our Sauiour was layed as soone as he was borne) hath bene very famous in some countries of Lorraine (as I remember.) But what shall we say to a more strange dotage of those wise woodcocks which caused men to worship stones, as being the very same wherewith Saint Stephen was stoned to death? As at the black Friers in Arles, at Vigand in Languedoc, and at Florence: As also of those wise maisters which caused men to worship the arrowes wherewith they affirmed Saint Sebastian was wounded to death: one of which [Page] was kept at the Augustine Friers in Poytiers, another at Lambesk in Prouince, and others elsewhere. And surely if these stones wherewith Saint Steuen was stoned, ought to be worshipped: how much more then they that stoned him? And if the arrowes were worthy of this honour: how much more worthy were they which shot them?

4 But lest the Reader should wonder too much at this foolery, or rather brutishnesse, I will here relate a certaine story, by which we may perceiue that the poore people (silly soules) in the matter of relikes had neither sense nor reason: so that their estate and condition was worse then that of poore blind men who dare trust those that leade them. The story is this, (for we will do them this fauour to call it so). When Nicodemus tooke our Sauiour downe from the crosse, he gathered some of his bloud, and put it in one of the fingers of his gloue (note here that Nicodemus wore gloues as well as we) with the which bloud he wrought many wonders: for which cause being persecuted by the Iewes, he was glad to rid his hands of it by a strange deuice, which was this. He tooke a peece of parchment, in which he writ all the miracles, and all that appertained to this secret, and closed vp the bloud together with the parchment in a great birds bill (the historian hath forgotten her name) which when he had bound vp and setled as well as he could, he cast it into the sea, commēding it to the prouidence of God, whose pleasure was (as the story saith) that a thousand or twelue hundred yeares after (or thereabout) this holy Bill hauing trauersed all the seas from East to West, should arriue in Normandie in the very same place where the Abbey of Becke is now situate; where being cast vp by the violence of the sea into certain shrubs, it so fortuned that a good Duke of Normandy (one of the famous founders of religious houses in those dayes) hunting a Stagge neare to the place; when the huntsmen were at a losse, not knowing what was become either of the stag or of the dogs; at last they found him in a bush, kneeling vpon his knees, and the dogs by him, all very quiet, and vpon their knees also: (some write that they were saying their Pater noster.) Which spectacle did so stirre vp the deuotion of this good Duke, that he caused the wood (where this precious Beake and the iewel therein contained was found) to be disparked incontinently, and there founded an Abbey, which for this cause is called the Abbey of Becke (where they haue this goodly miracle yet to be seene) being so rich, that it may truly be said that this Beake fed many bellies. Now if this one relike or some remnant and remainder thereof did keep and maintaine so many idle bellies (yea fed these lubbers so fat, that they were nothing but belly) and not so onely, but so inriched them: let the Reader iudge what abundance of riches the rabble of other relikes hath brought vnto them, being so many, that hitherto they could neuer be comprehended in any Inuentory. And we may well coniecture how great they were, by the shrines in which they were wont to be kept. For the ditches in which these carcasses were layd, were of earth: to speake more plainly; of these pence which came by kissing and adoring of them (or adoration, to speake more properly) they bought for them fine siluer houses, gilt ouer with gold. And though all relikes neither haue bin nor are at this day enchased in siluer or gold, yet I perswade my selfe that there haue bene few of them (at least of those which haue had the better hap) which haue not brought to these hucksters, the value of a shrine or very neare. Now because all relikes haue not bene equally gainfull and commodious vnto them, in that some had not the lucke to light in a country so addicted to miracles; let vs value the best sort of them but at an hundred thousand crownes (though some perhaps haue bene worth many millions) the [Page] meaner sort but at threescore thousand, the worst sort but at twelue thousand: and then gathering the entire summe of them all (and yet of none but of those that are in fresh memory) we may calculate how many thousand crownes these relikes haue gained them.

5 Which account neuerthelesse, doth not in any sort comprehend particular relikes, which these pedlers or their mates caried with them vp and downe the countrey: (for these were often disclaimed euen by cleargymen themselues, residing in those parts through which the foresaid pedlers passed.) Which open disclaiming of them proceeded partly from enuy, partly from feare; lest the simple people should haue perceiued their iuggling in such open and palpable knauerie, and so should haue begun to haue suspected all the rest. And it is to be noted, that the foresaid knauish companions did so openly mocke and impudently abuse these simple soules, in causing them to worship reliques; that if they had bene let alone, their trade in the end would not haue bene worth a blewe button, either to themselues or vnto others. For they were not content, in opening their packes, to say (that I may omit common matters) Behold here in this viall is Christs blood, gathered from vnder the crosse by the virgine Marie. Item, see here in this other viall the teares of Christ. Item, behold here the swadling bands, wherewith the virgine Mary swadled him in Aegypt. Item, see here the milke of the virgine Marie. Item, behold here the haires of the virgine Marie. They were not (I say) herewith content, but grew to that height of impudency, that they made no bones to say, In this box (but it must in no case be opened) is contained the breath of Christ, carefully kept by his mother from his very infancy. Among the rest of this rout, we reade of a priest of Genoua, who coming out of the East, boasted that he had brought with him the foresaid breath frō Bethlehē, as also the horns which Moses had on his forehead when he descended from mount Sinay. And albeit he had bene told that he did too shamefully abuse the people in laboring to perswade them, that he had the breath of Christ indeed, and the horns of Moses: yet wold he giue them no other answer but this, that if they would not beleeue that he had the breath of Christ, and the hornes of Moses, neither would he beleeue, that the milke which is openly shewed at solemne meetings at Genoua, for the milke of the virgin Mary, was her milke indeed. And this (I hope) may serue to discouer vnto vs their particular imposture in the matter of reliques: which we may well thinke had no lesse vertue to make their kitchen hot, then that which was commonly practised.

6 Thus hauing seene what gaine Churchmen got by the bodies of Saints departed (for we will for this once, comprize all reliques vnder the reliques of men and women Saints;) it remaineth that we shew how they inriched themselues by their soules, shewing thēselues as good husbands in this as in the former. And as in the former, so in this I will do my best endeuour to the vttermost: notwithstāding I am to desire the Readers to pardon me, if in reckoning vp the names of men and women Saints, I make not vp the roll of the Kirielle. For we are not onely to name them, but also to shew what office or occupation hath bene assigned to euery of them, that so we may the better see what meanes they vsed to make the wind to blow so fortunately vpon the Church-men. And first, I hope they [...] not so strait laced, but that they will grant that there is great similitude and conformity in sundry things betweene the heathen Gods, and their blessed he Saints, betweene their Goddesses, and their she Saints: conformitie I say, not in respect of those that are true Saints indeed (lest any man should calumniate my speech) but onely of their [Page] worshippers. For if the adoration of the heathen gods and goddesses, as also of men and women Saints by them of the Church of Rome, be well considered, we shall find them to sute in all points, saue onely in the maner of sacrifice. As may appeare by these particulars. The heathen went to Apollo and Aesculapius, as to the gods which made profession of Physicke and Chirurgery: and do not they (I beseech you) go to S. Cosmas & S. Damian? Whē S. Eloy (who is the Saint for smiths) doth hammer his irons, is he not in stead of god Vulcan? And do they not giue the same titles to S. George, which in old time were giuen to Mars? And do they not honor S. Nicholas after the same manner that Pagans honored god Neptune? And when S. Peter is made a porter, doth he not represent god Ianus? Nay, they would faine make the Angell Gabriel beleeue, that he is god Mercury. And is not Pallas the goddesse of arts & sciēces represented vnto vs by S. Katherine? And haue they not S. Hubert the god of hunters, in stead of Diana? (which office some giue to S. Eustace.) And when they apparell Iohn Baptist in a Lions skin, is it not to represent Hercules vnto vs? And is not Saint Katherine commonly painted with a wheele, as they were wont to paint Fortune? But there is yet a further matter to be considered, viz. that if we obserue the fables which are written of the gods, we shall find that certaine of their cousingermaines are recorded in the Legends of the Saints: except we will say, that it is but a fable being written of the Gods, and a true story being written of the Saints. For example, that the story of the Dragon which was slaine by S. George is not fabulous, as that of Medusa who was slaine by Perseus. But this they cannot deny, that Boniface the fourth, of the Pantheon at Rome, that is, the Temple of all the gods, made Panhagion or All Saints, that is to say, a church for all the Saints: and he further ordained, that the virgin Mary the mother of Christ, should haue the place and office of Cybele the mother of all the gods. To proceed yet further, albeit I haue exempted sacrifices from the resemblance that is betweene the adoration of Saints, and that of the heathen gods: yet a man might find some like sacrifices, if he would take but a litle paines to compare them together. Howsoeuer it be, I remember one very fit for this purpose, of a cock which is offered (at least was wont to be offered) to S. Christopher in Touraine, for a certain The white-flaw.sore, which vseth to be in the end of mens fingers. Wherein they obserue another ceremony (to increase the superstition of the people) viz. that he must of necessitie be a white cocke: for otherwise in stead of making S. Christopher propitious and fauourable vnto them by this meanes, they should offend him. And as for the sacrifice of the Masse, sundry writers haue plainly proued that it had his beginning from the heathen: as the greatest part of ceremonies patched to those that were in vse in the Primitiue Church, haue bene borrowed from them: yet so borowed, as they would neuer returne them againe. And it cannot be denied but that the heathen Poets were the first inuenters, and the great maintainers of Purgatory.

7 But to leaue this correspondence, which is betwixt the Saints and the Pagan gods (in such sort as hath bene said,) we will now prosecute the functions and offices aswell of hee as of shee Saints, to the end it may appeare, that the heathen haue dealt more consideratly herein then the Popes creatures. For though they had a multitude of gods, as great, meane, and little gods (as there are of Saints) yet they made conscience so to diuide offices and functions amongst them, that their soueraigne god Iupiter should haue nothing to do, except he would go shoe the gosling; as though he had bene a Nicholas Nemo, and had stood onely for a cypher. Whereas the Popes creatures without any respect of this at all, haue so imployed & busied their Saints with the managing of all their affaires (both great and small) [Page] that they haue passed God ouer, leauing him nothing to do, but onely to raine, snow, haile and thunder. And now at last they will needs haue Saint Genneuiefue (her especially at Paris) to bestirre her stumps in hastening him to cause raine, when there is a great drought▪ as also to leaue rayning when it poureth down too fast, and continueth ouer long. And as for the thunder and the thunderbolts, Saint Barbe (whom they haue made their Saint for harquebuziers) hath by the same meanes obtained this office to beate backe the blowes of the thunderbolt. True it is, all do not agree who that God should be which thundreth▪ and hurleth his bolts abroad, causing storm and tempest: for some haue thought that al proceeded from the diuel: and thereupon haue vsed coniurations against tempests (opposing themselues to the diuell herein) as though he were the cause of thē indeed. According to which perswasion, a certain Priest of Sauoy hauing brought the consecrated host to lay a tempest, and perceiuing that he preuailed nothing, threatned to cast it into the dirt, if it were not stronger then the diuell: taking it for a confessed truth that the diuell was the cause thereof. Howbeit the common saying whereby we expresse a hideous noyse, viz. There was such a noyse that a man could not heare God thundering from heauen, doth confute this opinion. There is yet another particular wherein the heathen seeme to deale more honestly then the Popes creatures, viz. in that they haue not so lightly esteemed any of their gods as they haue done many of their Saints, in making one to keepe geese, another sheepe, another oxen, and another swine. Which Saints a French gentlewoman remembring in her sicknesse, could not but tell her Confessor, that she feared lest when she came to heauen some filthy beast should be committed to her charge and custody, wherin she tooke no pleasure: but should be right glad, if she might haue some pretty puppies in keeping, to whom she had bene already accustomed. But we must not be so nice as this gentlewoman was, who (so farre as a man may coniecture) presumed too much of her merits: otherwise she would haue thought her self well, to haue bene in heauen vpon the same condition the foresaid Saints were, whose names I will set downe in their proper place. For my purpose is to obserue some methode in numbring them vp, at leastwise so farre as possibly I can, in a matter so confused and out of order. And verily I cannot deuise a better order, then to diuide them by companies according as I haue obserued in my booke intituled The conformitie of the French tongue with the Greeke, (where I haue touched this point in a word or two). This then is my conceit of the matter. To some Saints they haue assigned certain offices according to the signification of their names; for example, touching Saints which are Physitians, it was thought meete that such or such a Saint should cure this or that disease, which sounded likest, or came nearest vnto his name. And hereupon they haue made Saint Maturin Physitian for fooles, hauing relation to the Italian word Matto, coming from the Greeke word [...], of which some French-men haue coined the word Mat. In like sort when it is said that Saint Acaire cureth the acariastres, that is, frantick or furious bedlams; I make no question but that they respected the originall and deriuation of his name. The like may be said of Saint Auertin who cureth the auertineux, that is, fantasticall lunatick persons, cousingermans to the franticke: at least, it is holden that Saint Auertin cureth all the diseases of the head, the greatest of which is the Lunasie, as we know. So when Saint Eutrope is made Physitian of such as are troubled with the dropsie, they haue (I take it) confounded Eutrope with Hydrope. And I perswade my selfe, that for the same reason Saint Mammard is made a Physitian des mammelles, that is, of the paps. Saint Phiacre of the Phy or emeroids, of those especially which [Page] grow in the fundament. And as for Saint Main who healeth the scab des mains, that is, of the hands, the words do not onely sound alike, but are the very same. And whereas S. Genou is said to cure the gout, it is because this disease is for the most part au genou, that is, in the knee. And as for S. Agnan (or Aignā) it is very probable that they which pronounced it S. Tignan, made this poore Saint physitian of that filthy disease called Latigne, the scurfe. And there was the same reason (in my iudgement) in assigning trades and occupations to some of the Saints: for example, when they made S. Crepin a shoomaker and patron of shoomakers and sowters, they had (no doubt) respect to the Latin word crepida (borrowed from the Greeke) which signifieth a pantoufle: so that S. Crepin is as much in good French as S. Pantouflier, that is to say, S. Pantoufle-maker. As for S. Medard, whose occupation (if it may be called an occupation) is to smi [...]ke and smile; it will not out of my conceit, but that it cometh of the Greek word [...], which signifieth to laugh. As for their other Saints, they had respect (I take it) to the miseries which they suffered whilest they liued in the world: of which we haue an example in S. Susanna, professing her selfe to take pitie vpon those which suffer the same or the like opprobry that she did, when she was here vpon earth. And I dare be bold to say, that Iob vpon the same ground was made a Physitian: but yet (by their leaues) they were too blame to make him a Physitian of the French pox (as if the botch which he had, had bene the pox) which disease (we know) was not knowne in the world till a few yeares before our time. As for sundry other men and women Saints, I suppose they were directed by their Legends, when the question was of assigning them any function or trade of life. Howeuer it be, I will here set downe a beade-role of others which I haue not named as yet in this last catalogue, not forgetting their functions or vocations. And first, as Crepin is a shoomaker, so S. Roch (who also cureth certaine diseases) is a sowter or cobler: S. Wendelin is a shepheard: S. Pelaud (or according to others, S. Pelage) a neat-heard. Saint Anthonie a swineheard. S. Gertrude a rat-catcher. S. Honore a baker. S. Eloy a smith. S. Hubert a huntsman or forrester. S. Luke a painter. S. Nicholas a mariner. S. George a Knight at armes. S. Yue a lawyer. S. Anne helpeth men to find what they haue lost. S. Leonard setteth prison doores open for prisoners, and causeth their fetters to fall from them. Besides, there are certaine Saints which beare office in the Court of heauen: for one is Porter, another Yeoman of the Guard, another Groome of the chamber, another Steward, another Secretary, another Chancellor, &c. But I will leaue the further prosecuting of this discourse to such as haue more leisure then my self. Touching Saints which are Physitians, it must be remembred that they do not professe the cure of all diseases, as our Physitians do; but content themselues with the cure of one onely. S. Eutrope (as hath bene said) cureth the dropsie. S. Iohn and S. Valentine the falling sicknes (called also the Epilepsie or S. Iohns euil.) S. Roch and S. Sebastian the plague (though according to some Doctors S. Roch cureth onely the scab and scurfe.) S. Petronelle (S. Peters daughter) cureth all sorts of feuers. S. Apollonia the tooth ach. S. Maturine the frensie. S. Romaine casteth diuels out of men possessed. S. Cosmas and S. Damia are not Physitians but Chirurgions, as appeareth by that famous and excellent cure of theirs recorded in their Legend, of which I haue already spoken, viz. how they vndertaking to cure one of their friends thighs, to the end they might make quicke dispatch, cut it off, and in stead thereof put the thigh of a poore blacke Moore, who (as we may imagine) died a litle before (as it were) for the nonce, and very fitly for the purpose.

8 As for other other men and women saints, he and she physitians, they must [Page] pardon me (if they please) though I do not here register their names: not because I scorne them, or do it to spare paper, but for feare lest I should purchase the displeasure of the Colledge of Physitians: for if any of the Popes creatures being sick, should leaue them and go to the foresaid Saints, a thousand to one but they wold accuse me to haue marred their market. Another reason which moueth me to desist from making this catalogue, is for that those which haue written of the seuerall gifts, qualities and functions of the Saints, do not agree among themselues. For some affirme S. Ferioll to be the fittest in the world to keepe geese: others, that this office belongs to S. Andoch: others will needs beare vs in hand that neither of them haue any skill therein, but that it wholly appertaines to S. Gallicet, called by some sanctus Gallus, albeit others say that it is not the same. In like manner, albeit I said before, that it is Saint Wendalus occupation to keepe sheepe, yet I am not ignorant that many hold it to belong to S. Wolfe. But I can alleadge for my self, Vnde versus, Wendlinus custodit oues, ouium (que) magistros: (where it is to be noted, that the Poet hath curtailed this poore Saints name, because it was too long for his verse.) And this is one of the authorities which I build vpon, in assigning this occupation to this Saint. But if it be lawfull for me to vse coniectures in so weightie a matter, I doubt lest some reiect S. Wendelin, for that his name sauoureth too much of the high Dutch: others contrarily like him better then S. Wolfe, because it seemes to them a matter presaging some ill fortune to commit sheepe to the keeping of one called Wolfe, were he neuer so good a Saint. And in very deed, if S. Wolfe would take my counsell, I would aduise him to change his name. Moreouer, there is some controuersie amongst them, who it should be that keepeth lambes, (for when we speake of the office of the Saints, these are two seuerall and distinct things, to keepe sheepe and to keepe lambes) for some say it is S. Iohn, others assigne another guardian for them. The truth is, it is scarce probable that S. Iohn should keepe lambes, seeing that the Lions skinne which he weareth would make them afraid. Againe, S. Hubert (as some affirme) keepes dogs: others say no; affirming that he is onely a hunter or forrester, and no dog-keeper. Besides, many assigne the office which we gaue to S. Roch, to S. Main, in healing the itch and scab. Howbeit his Proctours affirme that this office was not giuen to S. Main, but onely by lustie rogues which kept high wayes, suborned by him to counterfet this euill. And as for healing of the gout (which we haue assigned to S. Genou) many attribute it to S. Maure. And some affirme it to be S. Claire that healeth red eyes; others that it is S. Clayre the woman Saint: a third sort, that neither of them are employed herein, but that S. Otilie (commonly called Otlie) cureth all the diseases of the eies. Whereas notwithstanding the good woman went to S. Claire for this end, and besought a Priest to say a Masse for her, wherein he should call vpon S. Claire for the cure of her eyes, S. Auertin of her head, S. Anthonie of her swine. Which putteth me in mind of a woman of Paris formerly mentioned (who is yet liuing, if she be not lately dead) who requested a certaine sir Iohn to put for her into his Masse a halfe peny worth or fiue farthing worth of the holy Ghost. But whether the testimony of this good woman be of any weight or not, I report my selfe to those who are better seene in the Legends of the glorious Saints: wherein I can say nothing but this, that they which haue bestowed this vpon S. Clair (or S. Clayre) to cure sore eyes, had an eye to the Etymologie of their name (as they had to sundry others, as we haue already shewed:) for a man can no way better cure the eyes then by making them see cleerly. Moreouer, S. Quintin is one of those Saints which cannot peaceably enioy his place and office: for there be other saints which challenge the curing of the cough, [Page] as proper vnto them. There are others also who thinke it much amisse that S. Apollonie (commonly called S. Apolline) should cure the tooth-ake: affirming Saint Christopher to be the true and naturall Physitian thereof. And surely for my part I subscribe thereunto, and withall affirme, that it is much better beseeming S. Christopher, considering his tooth (which is to be seene at Beauuois in Beauuoisin, in a litle Abbey which beareth his name) which is of that sise, that Godfrey with the great tooth could neuer come neare it: for it is of that bignesse, that the mouth which should lodge but a browne dozen of them, must needs be greater then the mouth of the greatest ouen Entre Paris & Lyon. betwixt Yorke and London. What inferre you hereupon, may some say? Doth it therefore follow that he should be Physitian for the teeth? Yes verily; because that when he cannot get a tooth to set in the roome of that which he pulleth out, he needeth but to take a litle peece of some of his owne teeth. But I should presume too farre if I should take vpon me to decide such controuersies: and I hope the gentle Reader knowing my profession, will not looke for it at my hands: especially considering that the authors of all these fine fables can no more tell what they say then the man in the Moone. I will therefore content my selfe with this, that I haue searched into the marrow of the matter as well as their greatest Doctors.

9 Touching S. Michael, S. Iames, S. Claudius, (who lending their names to their pilgrimes, haue giuen them the names of Michaelians, Iacobins and Claudians) they are not tied by their taske to any certaine worke as the rest are; and therfore I leaue the discourse of them to some other. There are also other Saints which seeme to haue bene deuised vpon pleasure or malice, as S. Lickdish, which sold his gowne (as they say) for I know not what lickorish meate.

10 If any man shall here aske me, whether these worshippers of Saints are perswaded that they can cure certaine diseases which ordinary Physitians cannot do; I answer, that they are so perswaded indeed. And first touching barrennesse, (which doth so plunge Physitians and puts them to their trumps) there are many Saints which can easily cure it and make women become fruitfull by one onely deuout embracing. For first S. Guerlichou (in the Abbey of the citie Bourg de Dieu, neare to Rommorantin, and in sundry places elsewhere) braggeth that he can get as many women with child as come, be they neuer so many; if whilest they are going with child, they faile not to stretch themselues deuoutly vpon the holy Idoll which lieth all flat vpon his back, and standeth not vpright as the rest do: besides, that they drinke euery day a certaine potion mingled with the scrapings of the said image, and by name with the scraping of that part which I cannot name with modestie. Now whether this do get women with child or not, I leaue to be decided by those that haue forged it or approue of such diuellish deuotion: which would haue bene holden a wonderment to the world, if it had bene recorded by any barbarous or heathen people; what shall we say then to see it in vse euē amongst those who professe themselues Christians? Yet I am not very certen whether this Saint be in as good credit at this present, as he was in times past: sith they which haue seene him (to whom I am beholden for this report) affirme it to be about twelue yeares ago, since he had that part almost worne away by continual scraping. There is also in the country of Constantin in Normandie (commonly called Contantin) a certaine Saint called S. Giles, which was no lesse famous for such matters (how old and decayed soeuer) according to the common saying, (especially of those who vainly busie themselues about such trumperies, and sell them vnto others) there is no miracle comparable to that which is wrought by an old Saint. I haue also heard [Page] of a certaine Saint called S. René in Anjou, which busieth himselfe in this occupation. But how women behaue themselues when they are in his company (considering that he shewes them that which ciuilitie would haue couered,) as I am ashamed to write it, so I am sure the Readers would blush to reade it. I could further discouer many other secrets appertaining to this mystery, which notwithstanding I will omit for the same reason: and will content my selfe with that which is reported of our Lady of gladnesse, viz. that those that cannot haue children, do pull (at least were accustomed to pull) the bell ropes that are in her church with their teeth.

11 And was there euer yet any Physition that could cure the sicknesse of iealousie? No verily: yet it is said that there is a Saint at Tou, that is a notable workman to cure it, though no Physition could euer turne his hand to it. We haue also S. Auertin, S. Acayre, S. Maturin (I meane S. Maturin of Archant, whom others call S. Mathelin, whence cometh the old prouerb vsed in way of a by-word, Teste mathelineuse, a head full of crochets) who cure the foresaid diseases which Physitions (we know) were neuer able to do, for all their Helleborum. These few examples may suffice to shew what excellent Phisitions these Popish saints are.

12 There is yet another remarkable difference betweene the saints which are said to professe physicke in heauen, and other Physitions here vpon earth, viz. that each of these saints can inflict the same disease which they can cure, as may hence appeare: for when we say S. Hands euill, S. Iohns euill, we signifie as well the disease which they send, as the disease which they heale. True it is indeed, that some saints are more cholerick and dangerous to deale with then others: of which number S. Anthony is the chiefe; for he burneth vp all before him for the least displeasure done to him or to his minions. For if any iniury be offered either men or swine (for he is Lord Protector of them both) they make their prayer to S. Anthony, that he would be auenged of them, and then the diuell is among them. As for swine, they speak neuer a word, yet the whoresons think neuer a whit the lesse: for this Saint will not suffer them to remaine such brute beasts as they are by nature. So that that may be said of this & other Saints (which are more cholerick and dangerous to deale with) which the Latin Poet affirmed generally of all the gods, Primus in orbe Deos fecit timor. For as that good woman, after she had giuen a candle to S. Michael, gaue another to the diuell which was with him: to S. Michael, to the end he might do her some good; to the diuell, that he might do her no hurt: so it is not to be doubted, but that S. Anthony and other like Saints haue bene worshipped as much or rather more for feare of some mischiefe they might do vnto them, then for hope of any good they expected from them. And this is the reason of that great contention and conflict which was betwixt those of the citie of Arles and the Anthonians of Viennois about this question, both of them affirming that they had the body of S. Anthony in their custody, and each of them shewing one of them, which they affirmed to be his. In fine, S. Anthony was left with two entire bodies, for default of one; and with many other parts and members in sundry places, with halfe a dozen of knees at the least; one of which was at Bourg, another at Mascon, another at Dijon, another at Chalons, another at Ouroux, another at the Augustins of Albi. See now what S. Anthony hath gotten by being so lusty, at leastwise by causing this report to be blazed abroad, that he was such a sharpe shauer. This also ought to teach vs to demeane our selues wisely towards those who are in danger to be canonized for Saints after their death, seeing that is not true which the prouerbe saith, Mortui non mordent. Les trespasses ne mordent plus, Dead men cannot bite, if we speake of [Page] canonized Saints; or if it be true, this Popish Philosophie is erroneous and false.

13 But let vs see whether there be not in this very point a conformitie betwixt the heathen Gods and the Saints, that (all things being duly considered) we may perceiue which of them haue bene more honoured of their worshippers. First then, there is no question but that the heathē were perswaded that their gods could as well hurt as helpe, kill as cure, (as the Papists haue deemed of their saints.) But whereas the Popes creatures are of opinion that euery saint doth but cure one onely disease, and that he cannot inflict any other in way of punishment or reuenge, saue that onely: the heathen were perswaded that their gods had equall power ouer all diseases, either to inflict them or to remoue them, in hurting or healing, making sicke or making sound. By which we may plainly perceiue, that the Papists come short of the heathen, in that they giue not so much honour to their saints as they did to their gods: which we are to vnderstand of women saints as well as of men saints, and of goddesses as well as of gods. But the Popes creatures not content to giue but this halfe worship to their saints (as well in this, as in that they beare men in hand, that they can skill but of one trade) are come to this passe, to do them the greatest dishonour in the world, in assigning vnto [...]em so vile and abiect, yea so filthy and sordide occupations, that it would make a man sicke at the heart to name them: as when they make some shoomakers, others coblers, others swine-heards, &c. For though the Pagans ranged Pan in the ranke of the inferiour gods, and of the meanest sort of those which were companions of the gods, yet they would haue bene ashamed to haue made him a swine-heard. And as for saints which are handicrafts men, to make armor (as Vulcan did) is a cleanlier occupation then to make shoes. True it is, that the Popish Preachers (at leastwise those that had any wit) haue so cunningly contriued their knauery, and caried the matter so in a mystery, that the simple people haue not desisted to giue them as good and as great offerings, as if they had bene of a higher ranke: for they made this an argument of their greater praise and cōmendation. Witnesse the preacher who discoursing of the life of S. Crepin, affirmed that this glorious saint might haue bene Pope, that he might haue bene King (yea king of France) that he might haue bene Emperor, but that he chose rather to be a shoomaker. And yet my maisters and dames (said he) consider (I beseech you) what a roguish trade it is, and how filthy and sordide an occupation: If there were nothing else but this, that they must euer be handling the shoomakers waxe, and tugging at these stinking skins with their bare teeth. By which you may perceiue how great the humilitie of this glorious saint was. Howbeit he was no sooner come out of the pulpit, but the company of the most noble shoomakers and coblers of the place layd hold of him, and curried him so well, that they caused him to make a pitifull construction of his sermon from beginning to end. But leauing others to iudge of this fact, (I meane whether the striker or he that was strucke had the wrong) I thinke this Preacher had reason to say thus much of S. Crepin to saue his credit. But one thing he affirmed which is almost incredible, and which (I perswade my selfe) is proper to this saint, viz. that he made choise of this occupation whilest he was here vpon earth, which he meant to follow when he came into heauen.

14 But some may haply reply against that which I haue said, concerning the Popes creatures, that they giue lesse honor to their Saints then the heathen do to their gods, when they affirme that euery saint hath not power ouer more then one onely disease, and knowes but one onely trade. And they may obiect that they [Page] make their Saints patrons and protectors of cities and countries, as the heathen made their gods. And that as the Babilonians (for example) had Bell for their Patron, the Aegyptians Isis and Osiris, the Rhodians the Sunne, the Samians Iuno, the Paphians Venus, the Delphians Apollo, the Athenians Minerua, the Ephesians Diana: So the Spaniards haue Saint Iames for their Patron; the French Saint Denis; they of Limosin Saint Martiall aboue the rest: all the Germans in generall Saint George; they of Ausburgh Saint Vlrich; they of Colen the three Kings: they of Milan Saint Ambrose: the Venetians Saint Marke: the Romanists of these times Saint Peter and Saint Paul together with their Lieutenant. I omit the Saints who haue giuē their names to cities, as Saint Quintin, Saint Di [...]ier, Saint Denis, Saint Agnan, Saint Paul, Saint Omer, which may be called in Latine (as the rest aboue mentioned) Tutelares sancti, as they were wont to call them Tutelares Dij: But what inference can hereupon be inforced? Surely this, that the Popes creatures (putting their Saints in the roome and place of the heathen gods) haue giuen sufficient testimony that they had as reuerent an opinion of their sufficiency, as the heathen had of the sufficiency of their gods, in commanding all sorts of maladies, either by sending them, or remouing them, and in knowing all manner of occupations. (For albeit the heathen do not affirme that their gods do excercise trades: yet this they hold as a most certen truth, that they know them, and are well seene in them.) But this is no good consequent; for many men take workes in hand which they afterwards put ouer to others, because they cannot effect or finish thē themselues, as those who are called in latine redemptores; who though they take in hand to build an house, and to finish it, yet doth it not by & by follow, they should be Carpenters or hewers of stones, or Masons, or Tylers: but agreeing with sundry sorts of workemen in that which appertaines to euery mans trade, and trusting to their workemanship, tooke vpon them the charge of the whole. And I make no question but that these great tutelary Saints, (protectors and patrons of cities) did the like in trafficking with other petty Saints of lesse account, touching the worke which was proper to their trade, or office which was belonging vnto them: and so hauing the furtherance of many, tooke vpon them the gouernment of the whole.

15 But now (whereas I thought I had bene come to the end of this discourse,) I find that there is yet more worke behind: for I am aware of a legion of our Ladies, from whence the greatest part of the Clergies reuenue doth arise. And verily the thing which made me forget them (for I will confesse the truth) was, in that speaking of men and women Saints, I was affraid I should haue committed an absurditie, if I should haue ranged them in that ranke, and afterwards the variety of matter made me forget them. And if any man shall haply thinke it a greater absurditie to place them at the taile of the Saints, I haue what to answer for my selfe: for I can alleadge that which one holpe himselfe withall in the like case, that he which goeth last in procession, hath the first and most honorable place. Neuerthelesse, if the Popes creatures will not take this reason for good payment, but will needs moue my patience, they shall find (peraduenture) that they haue to deale with another manner of man then they take me for. For I will neuer let them rest, till they haue answered me categorically, whether so many of our Ladies be so many virgin Maries, mothers of our Sauiour Christ? If they shall answer, that they are, they will runne into grosse absurdities. If they shall answer, that they are not, they will fall into greater. But because I am so perswaded of their curtesies, that they wil easily pardon and excuse this incongruity in my last speech (if it were so,) I wil not vexe them with such a violent question, being such a one as might easily [Page] make them lose that little wit and vnderstanding they haue, in answering therof. Onely let me desire them to tell me, whether all our Ladies▪ which I am about to name, make one onely Lady or not?

16 It is therefore to be noted that some of our Ladies are named of the place where they reside, and haue their abode. Others of the trade or occupation wherein they are imployed. Concerning the first, some of them beare the name of some citie or towne, others shew by their names what manner of place it is where they remain. Examples of those which haue the name of the citie or towne where they reside, are these, our Lady of Loretto, our Lady of Bononia, our Lady of Wels in Au [...]ergne, our Lady of Aix, our Lady of Nan [...]ueill, our Lady of Francueil. Examples of the second kind, to wit of those whose names expresse the nature of the place where they make their aboade, are, our Lady of the Valley, our Lady of the Mountaine, (the name of the mountaine being specified in sundry of them, as our Lady of Mont-ferra, our Lady of Mont-gautier, our Lady of Mont-Roland: And in Lāguedoc, our Lady of Cabimont, (being in the Cape, that is, in the top of the mountaine.) Our Lady of the Woods, our Lady of the Fields, our Lady of the faire Oke, (because she stood by the way side ouer against an oke,) our Lady of the faire Walnut-tree for the like reason, our Lady of the Well, because she stood hard by a well: our Lady of the Fountaine for the same reason. And at Chartres, for that there are (at least were) two of our Ladies, whereof the one is within, the other vnder the Church; that within being called our Lady aboue; the other our Lady below, or our Lady vnder the earth, or our Lady of Crotes, that is, of the hollow valt; not because she is crottée dabled and dirty (as the word signifieth) but because she is in a concauitie vnder the earth made in manner of a caue; for the word Crote (taken in this sense) cometh from the greeke crypta, whereupon some are wont to say croton és prisons, as if a man should say, the deep dungeon in the prison. Further, they call another our Lady of Carmel, meaning her that is in the Church of the Carmelites, another our Lady of Snow; for that in the hottest time of Summer the place was miraculously filled with snow as they say. I come now to our Ladies who haue their names of the trades which they follow, and actions which they performe. For example our Lady of Recouery, our Lady of Comfort, our Lady of Gladnesse, our Lady of All ioyes, our Lady of Pitie, our Lady of Vertues, our Lady of Good tydings, our Lady of Good wishes, our Lady of Helpe, and an infinite number of others.

17 But this is not all. For we must know, that there is great difference betwixt our Ladies in other things as well as in their names. For one is old and very foule; another young and very faire, another of a middle age, and reasonable good countenance, (which yet is tolerable.) One is very big, another very little, (which also is not much materiall.) One hath a merry looke, another a sad countenance (& herein also there is no great hurt.) Wherin consisteth it then? Verily in that they vsually compose their countenances, and attire themselues like harlots, as they were wont to set out Mary Magdalen (whom they haue not bene ashamed to paint naked in some places) and as they haue painted S. Mary the Aegyptian. Which puts me in minde of that which I haue read in Iohn Menard of our Lady of all beauties at Tours, so called, for that they vsed the same deuise in painting of her with an ancient limmer vsed in painting the goddesse Venus. For they beheld all the faire maids and beautiful yong women of Tours, taking from one a high forehead, from another prety round eyes, wel proportioned, comely and amiable, frō another a proportionable nose, from another a prety fine laughing mouth, and a dimpled chinne, &c. Now, whether this obiect of so faire a Lady stirre vp [Page] deuotion the better or not, I leaue to be determined by such as are more competent iudges. Howbeit this I can say, that I haue bookes in parchment containing their Ma [...]ins, Euensong▪ and Complies, and other parts of such silly seruice, which haue the pictures of fine yong dames painted in them, being of such wanton and lasciuious countenances and behauiours, that we may well apply vnto them the saying of Propertius, Docta vel Hippolitum Veneri mollire negantem. But what Ladies pictures these were, whether the pictures of those whom the owners of these bookes had at command, or of those whom they desired they might haue, I cannot define. Howsoeuer, certes they were some such to whom they bare so entire affection, as that they could not forbeare the sight of them▪ no not whilest they were at their prayers, for feare they should forget them.

18 But to returne to the former question, to wit, whether all our Ladies which I named euen now, be one and the same Ladie or not. If they shall say, that they are one and the same: I would demaund of them, why she doth so disguise her selfe into so many fashions? If they shall answer, that they be diuers: I would desire them to shew me which of them is the virgine Mary Christs mother. But this were to fall againe into the former question, wherewith I promised not to trouble them any more. It were better then (for the present) we should content our selues with the opinion of the good woman of Mont-richard, who said that our Lady of Nantueil and our Lady of Francueil were sisters: and that we take aduice vpon good and mature deliberation, if we can obtaine so much that all of them may be either sisters or at leastwise of kin.

19 But beside the sundry attires of our Ladies, there is such strange varietie in the habits of the Saints, that he that should go about to describe them, had need haue on his considering cap▪ to know where to begin. For one is starke naked, another halfe naked, another well apparelled. One weareth a great hat, another a litle one; a third sort, I know not what to call it, resembling the Turkish Or, Tolibant. turbante. Some are muffled, others are hooded, others cowled, others bigguined. One is armed at all points, another hath onely sword and buckler; another but sword and dagger. One is on foote, another on horsebacke. Neither is this all; for one laugheth, another weepeth: one lookes as though he had wonne all; another as if he had lost euery crosse. To be short, the difference betweene them is incredible, yea euen infinite, not onely in these, but in sundry other particulars. And therefore it is the more to be wondered (with which I will conclude) how they being so disagreeing, so crosse and contrary one to another, should notwithstanding make so good harmony in the kitchins of our holy mother the Church; which all of them labour to vphold with one accord (imploying all their happie and glorious miracle-mungering to keepe them hot) and so maintaine them, that our holy mother doth not enuy the kitchins of Kings and Emperours. True it is, that she doth also keepe them pretie and warme with the reuenues of the Saints, (as hath bene said) which though it be exceeding great (as may appeare by the accoūt that hath bene cast onely in grosse,) yet if we consider how much the gaine which she getteth by the soules of the saints departed, doth surpasse that which she hath by their bodies; it will appeare that the reuenue which ariseth from the foresaid corps, compared with that which accreweth by the soules, will not buy sugar to the wine.

20 And now I come to the other point which I promised to handle in this Chapter, viz. how intollerable the couetousnesse of the Cleargie was. But what? (may some say) May we not discouer this impudent couetous dealing by sundry [Page] places of this booke, as namely by that which hath bene already spoken in this Chapter? It is true (I confesse.) But now my purpose is to detect monstrous impudencie, or (if I may so speake) the very quintessence of impudencie, yea of impudency accompanied with most abhominable impietie. And the example which I will produce for this purpose, is so authenticall, that they cannot possibly deny it, except they will deny their owne hand-writing. For see here their owne words which they haue engraued in Gothian letters, in a table of stone, which is (at least was wont to be not long since) fastened to a pillar of S. Steuens Church at Bourges, neare to the Altar where the high Masse was sung.

Hîc des deuotè: coelestibus associo te.

Mentes aegrota, per munera sunt ibi lotae.

Ergo venitote gentes, à sorde remotae.

Qui datis, estote certi de diuite dote.

Te precor, accelera, spergas hîc dum potes, aera:

Et sic reuera, securè, caelica spera.

O si tu scires quantum data prosit ibi res,

Tu iuxta vires donares quod dare quires.

Te miser à poena, dum tempus habes, aliena.

Huc dare te poena veniae, sit aperta crumena.

Consors coelestis fabricae qui porrigit est is.

Ex hoc sum t [...]stis, hîc vos mundare potestis.

Fratres haurite de trunco pocula vitae:

Hîc aliquid sinite, veri velut Israëlitae.

Crede mihi, crede, coeli dominaberis aede.

Nam pro mercede, Christo dices, mihi cede.

H [...]c datur exponi Paradisus venditioni.

Currant ergo boni, rapientes culmina thr [...]ni.

Vis retinere forum? mihi tradas pauca bonorum,

Pro summa quorum reserabitur aula polorum.

Hîc si largè des, in coelo sit tua sedes:

Qui serit hîc parcè, parcè comprendet in arce.

Cur tardas tantum? nummi mihi des aliquantum.

Pro solo nummo gaudebis in aethere summo.

Denos sume quater, vnum semel, haec sacra mater

Annos condonat, sanctus Pater ista coronat.

Tot quadragenas dat & abluit hic tibi poenas

Mil missis decies socius, si des ibi, fies.

The subiect or matter of these verses (which I speake for their sakes who vnderstand not Latin; not hauing translated them, because their grace consisteth in the rime) is nothing but this, that he which giueth to the boxe, goeth straight to heauen: (and the more he giueth, the higher shall his place be) and he that giueth nothing, shall neuer come there. For ‘Hîc datur exponi Paradisus venditioni:’ which is thus much in good English, ‘Here Paradise is set to open sale.’ But that the Reader who vnderstandeth not Latin, may iudge whether I had reason to censure these verses as I did, I will expound vnto him these two,

Crede mihi, crede, coeli dominaberis [...]de:

[Page]Nam pro mercede, Christo dices, mihi cede.

That is,

For meede beleeue me, thou shalt gaine a crowne,

Yea rule in heauen, and say to Christ, Come downe.

Now if any man desire to haue the sence of them word for word, see here what a fine lesson they teach vs: Assure thy selfe thou shalt be Lord great maister of heauen; for in lieu of the money which thou hast giuen, thou shalt say to Christ, Stand backe, giue place.

CHAP. XXXIX. How our Ancestors were nuzzeled in ignorance of Christian religion: and how the Popish Cleargie alwaies maintained themselues, notwithstanding their wicked liues were notoriously knowne to the world, and that many of their iugling trickes and false miracles had bene discouered.

PVrposing to shew in this chapter, how some euen from the dayes of our forefathers, began to open their eies and to espy the packing and conueyance of Church-men; I thought it requisite in the first place, to consider how great the darknesse and ignorance, as also the abuses of those times were. I am therefore to intreate the Reader to call to mind sundry examples to this purpose dispersed here and there in diuers places of this booke; besides which, (if neede were) infinite more might be added: howbeit, three or foure shall suffice. First then, is it not a strange fopperie to thinke, that those men or women which their Church Calender hath marked with red letters, are men and women Saints, that is, gods and goddesses? or at leastwise petty gods, and (as I may say) subordinate gods? For if they had not iudged them such, questionlesse, they wold neuer haue ascribed vnto them diuine power, which God reserues as proper to himselfe alone. So that here we may see not onely their simplicitie single and alone by it selfe, but accompanied with horrible impietie. But this is yet far more hideous and horrible, in that they dare affirme, that if the holy Ghost were bit by a mad dog, it is necessarie he should go to Saint Hubert if he would be healed; which was auerred by a pedler of the reliques of the foresaid Hubert. And considering the great account and reuerent opinion which they had of the Pope as well as of the Saints, was it not meere madnesse to thinke that as soone as a man became Pope, he became also god? That he had the keyes of heauen and of hell, to let those into heauen that would giue some thing to him or his: and to send them packing to hell that would giue nothing? That it was a lesse sinne to kill a man then to eate flesh vpon a friday, or to violate any such commandement enioyned by this earthly god? But if we consider the sacrifice of the Masse and the abuses therein committed, what else can be said, but that many haue bene and are at this day strangely bewitched, in beleeuing that there are certaine soules in Purgatorie which cannot be deliuered thence, but by the meanes of many Masses? That a sir Iohn hauing pronounced certaine Sacramentall words ouer all the bread in the market, makes so many loaues to become [...]o many gods? That men eate their maker, and afterward cause him to passe through that place [Page] that cannot be named with modestie? And (which is a point worthy obseruation) can it neuer sufficiently be wondred at, that the things which shold be meanes to roote superstition out of their minds, should plant and root it in them more and more? For they should haue had their breaden god in iealousie, and then at least haue suspected him, when they saw his blood and flesh poyson men: his blood poysoning William Archbishop of Yorke, in the time of Pope Anastasius the fourth; and his flesh poysoning the Emperour Henrie the seuenth, by meanes of one Bernard of Montpolitian a Iacobin Fryer, being one of the faction of the Guelphes. Neither ought they onely to suspect it, but altogether to reiect it, with adieu in the diuels name, seeing it suffereth it selfe to be deuoured of beasts. For, it is well knowne that the magnificent Maygret (now deceased) had a litle shag haired spaniell which ate fourescore of them to his breakfast, and all without drinke. But how shold it be reuenged of dogs, when it cannot saue it selfe from mice? For these pretie beasts haue not onely bene so bold as to go into his pixe to nibble at him there, but haue also presumed to runne away with him, lying vpon the Altar, whilest the Priest was asleepe in his memento: which accident happened (as we know) at a towne called Saint Marie, and at Paris in Saint Marries Church. Verily, such accidents as these should haue taught them a litle more wit, and to haue thought with themselues how farre they came short of their reckoning, in attributing Gods diuine attributes to such a peece of past which suffers it self to be deuoured of a mouse. Whereas they contrarily, as often as any such thing happened, added one foolerie to another. For example, at Lodeue in Gascoine, wheras the mouse which had eaten vp this breaden god, should haue made them open their eyes to see the cosening tricks wherewith they had bene abused: they notwithstanding were so farre from surceasing to giue to other peeces of past (his fellowes) as great honour as before, that they canonized the mouse, calling her the holy mouse. The like brutishnesse was knowne to haue bene practised during the last garboiles in France. For a certaine gentleman Masse-marrer (whom I could name if it were needfull) hauing heard the sound of the sacring bell in the streets (as he was on his way) asked what it meant: and hauing learned that it gaue warning, that they were readie to the Eleuation, as a man would say, to lift or raise vp god; said to his men, Let vs make hast that we may come before he get vp, and serue him as groomes of his chamber; for my part I will bring him his cleane shirt. Who being come thither, tooke this fine god and offered him to his horse before them all, who beheld this fact with exceeding great astonishment: but when they saw the horse thrust out his nose as soone as the br [...]aden god came neare him, they said, it was an argument that he had bin accustomed to receiue his maker. And this puts me in mind of the holy penknife, that is, the pēknife wherwith a consecrated host was pricked at Paris by a Iew, which was afterwards reckoned in the number of holy reliques, in one of the Churches of the said citie, (at S. Iohns in Greue as I remember:) as if by such an action it had bene hallowed. See here (gentle Reader) how these fellowes in stead of scorning these gods which suffered themselues to be murthered, and eaten vp of vermin, haue not ceased to worship them as much as euer before: nay to adore the deuourers and murtherers of them: for I call the pen-knife wherewith this stab was giuen, a murtherer.

2 And we shall the lesse wonder how men could euer be so brutish, as to lend their eares to such doctrine, if we consider in what account they held the authors thereof. For though Angels descending in some visible shape from heauen, should haue come & preached vnto them, they could not haue entertained them [Page] with greater reuerence, then they did a rabblement of wicked and abhominable lolling-lobbies, which fed thē not onely with plaine lyes, but with lyes ful of impietie, and worse without comparison then Talmudicall or Mahometicall fables. But to descend from the generall to particulars, that is, from sundry sorts and sects of hypocriticall shauelings, to come to one; will not this be a wonderment to posterity, that men should attribute so much to Franciscans ▪ yea to their very attire, as to cause children to weare it for a time, that by this meanes they may come to mans estate? That some should weare it a litle before their death, feeling themselues deadly sicke? That others (who had no leasure to weare it before, should take order by their wils, to be interred in it? And who (I beseech you) were they that vsed this kind of Metamorphosis? Verily great Lords, as much or rather more then the common people: yea euen kings and Emperours themselues. Indeed the Earle of Carpi (being one of the last that turned Frier in this sort) is left alone as a by-word and laughing stocke to all posteritie. But the greater part not content with their habit, betooke themselues to their couent, bequeathing vnto them their goods, and so defrauding their children or kinsfolk, who in equity and conscience should haue bene their heirs. And as for those that would needs become Franciscans, will not posterity wonder to heare, that since this fancie tooke them in the head to become of this order of religious men, they were so far from taking aduise and counsel of their parents, that if it had bene necessary in entring into that order, to tread father & mother vnder their feet, they thought they were bound to do it? And to the end they might the more enrich themselues by this meanes, they were so impudent and shamelesse (in abusing the simplicitie of the poore people) that they made no bones to tell them, yea to make them beleeue that there was no other meanes in the world whereby the diuell could be saued, but by perswading him to take the habit of Saint Francis. Indeed I do not remember that I haue read this in the booke of Conformities: but sure I am that I haue read in it farre more impudent lies, in praise and commendation of their order.

3 Now albeit the mishaps which dayly befel (Iean blanke their breaden God) should haue opened the eyes of these miserable idolaters, yet they shut them so much the more. The like may be said of their blindnesse and brutishnesse, simplicitie and sottishnesse, in not espying the knauery of the false Friers. For that which should haue discouered vnto them the villanie & filthines of these miscreants, did the more confirme them in the preiudicate opinion which they had of their holinesse. I wil record for example that which happened in our own time at the death of that famous Franciscan De Cornibus: It is well knowne that this knaue died of the Neapolitan disease (otherwise termed the French poxe) the buttons or pimples whereof breaking forth and making him looke firy red, the people which saw him as he was caried to the graue (for they caried him in his habit or cowle with his face vncouered) were perswaded that this rednesse came frō hence, in that he was become a Seraphin. Sure I am that the death of a gentlewoman, who died of the stinke of the feete of this venerable pockie villaine, which she had kissed after his death (being vnacquainted with such strong sauours) was so interpreted, that it did in like sort confirme men in the opinion which they had of his holinesse. And those (doubtlesse) who made no more of the rednesse of his French poxe but the rednesse of a Seraphin, (such was their simplicitie) if they had taken him in the fact by which he got them, would haue perswaded themselues that they had seene some other thing then in truth they saw, or (as the Latine Poet speaketh) would haue made their eyes beleeue they had seen something which they saw not. Much [Page] like that good fellow, who perceiuing two other feete by his maisters feete (who to the end he might strictly obserue the Bishops rules, had his pretie wench lying by his side) went so simply to worke, that he cried out at the window, Come sirs, and you shall see my master who hath foure feet. See here how all Christendome in stead of proceeding and going forward in the knowledge of these abuses, went backward through the iust iudgement of God.

4 Neuerthelesse this great blindnesse was neuer so vniuersall, but that there were some in all ages that did discouer part of their trumperies, and perceiue the wicked course of life which these Church-men led. S. Bernard also (as hath bene said) inueyed stoutly against it. And (as I remember) a certaine passage taken out of a booke written by Gulielmus de sancto amore, hath bene alleadged for this purpose. And at the same time (namely about the yeare 1260.) one Nicholas Gallique borne in Narbonne, generall of the order of the Carmelites, being no longer able to endure the wicked life of his fellow Friers, did not onely forsake them and vtterly renounce their order, but also writ a booke against them, called the fiery dart; wherein he tels them (to omit other particulars) that they were reprobates, citizens of Sodome, contemners of the holy Testament, seducers of those that then liued, and of those which should come after, the taile of the Dragon mentioned in the Reuelation. As for the bookes of the foresaid Gulielmus de sancto Amore, Pope Alexander the fourth did what he could to abolish them, and that by expresse edicts and commandements: who also (as Platina recordeth) burned a book which the begging Friers had published, wherein they taught that the state of grace did not proceed from the law of the Gospell (as they speake) but from the law of the spirit: which he burned, not for any great conscience he had to see the simple world so abused, but for feare lest this so absurd and impudent a lie should be a meanes to discouer their other villanies. This booke was called the eternall Gospell, or the Gospell of the spirit; gathered out of the doctrine of Ioachim the Abbot, and the visions of a Carmelite Frier called Cyril, by the Iacobins and Franciscans, who laboured by the authoritie thereof to make their parts good against the Waldenses (otherwise called the poore men of Lyons) and other their aduersaries which armed themselues against them with the sword of the spirit, the word of God. Of this booke the foresaid Gulielmus de sancto Amore writeth as followeth. This accursed Gospel is already published in the Church, and therefore the destruction of the Church is to be feared. If this Gospell be compared with the Gospell of Christ (say they) it is so much more perfect and excellent then it, by how much the Sunne is brighter then the Moone, and the kernell better then the shell, &c. Moreouer, he mentioneth other like detestable sayings there recorded. And of these two cōparisons honorable mention is made in the Rōmant of the Rose, where the author speaketh in detestation of this booke, and censureth the hypocrisie of the begging Friers who published it.

Vous ne cognoistrez point aux robbes

Les faux traistres tous pleins de lobbes:

Parquoi leurs faits faut regarder,

Si d'eux bien vous voulez garder.

That is,

For thou shalt neuer for nothing

Con knowen aright by her clothing

The traitors full of trechery,

But thou her werkes can espie.

[Page] And a little after,

Fut or baillé (c'est chose voire)

Pour bailler commun exemplaire,

Vn liure de par le grand diable,

Dit, L'Euangile perdurable,

Dont le sainct Esprit fut ministre:

Si comme il apparut au titre,

Ainsi est-i [...] intitulé.

Bien est digne d'estre brulé.

A Paris n'eust homme ne femme

Au paruis deuant nostre-Dame

Qu [...] lors bien auoir ne le peust,

Pour le doubler, si bien luy pleust.

Là trouuast par grans mesprisons

Maintes telles comparaisons.

Autant que par sa grand chaleur,

Soit de clarté, soit de valeur,

Surmonte le Soleil la Lune,

Qui trop est plus trouble, & plus brune:

Et le noyau des noix, la coque:

(Ne cuidez pas que ie vous moque:

Cela di sans bourde ne quille)

Tant surmonte cest Euangile

Ceux que les quatr▪ Euangelistes

Du Fils Dieu firent à leurs titres.

De tels comparaisons grand masse

Là trouuoit on, que ie trespasse.

That is,

They broughten a booke with sory grace,

To yeuen example in common place,

That said thus, (though it were fable)

This is the Gospell perdurable,

That fro the holy Ghost is sent:

Well were it worth to ben brent.

Intitled was in such manere

This booke which I tell here,

There was no wight in all Paris

Beforne our Lady at paruis,

That they ne might the booke buy,

The sentence pleased hem well truly,

There might he see by great treasoun,

Full many a false comparisoun.

As much as through his great might,

Be it of heate or of light

The Sunne surmounteth the Moone

That troubler is, and changeth soone:

And the nut kirnell the shell

(I scorne nat that I you tell:)

Right so withouten any guile,

[Page]Surmounteth this noble Euangile

The word of any Euangelist,

And to her title they token Christ.

And many such comparisoun,

Of which I make no mentioun,

Might men in that booke find,

Who so coud of hem haue mind.

The same Poet makes further mention of the bookes which Gulielmus de sancto Amore writ against the fained pouertie of the begging Friers. For hauing after a long and large discourse shewed what sort of begging Friers were to be tollerated, and what not; and hauing alleadged the Sermons of the said S. Amore for confirmation of his assertion, he addeth in the person of False semblance,

Qui groncer en voudra, si gronce,

Et courroucer, si s'en courrouce.

Car ie n'en mentiroye mie,

Si ie denoye perdre la vie:

Ou estre mis contre droiture,

Comme Sainct Paul en chartre obscure:

Ou estre banni du Royaume

A tort, comme maistre Guillaume

De sainct Amour, qu'hipocrisie

Fit exiler par grand' enuie.

Ma mere en exil le chassa.

Le vaillant homme tant brassa

Pour verité qu'il sustenoit.

Vers ma mere trop desprenoit,

Pource qu'il fit vn nouueau liure

Où sa vie fit tout' escrire:

Et vouloit que ie reniasse

Mendicité, & labourasse,

Si ie n'auoye de quoy viure.

Bien me pouuoit tenir pour yure.

Car labourer ne me peut plaire:

D'aucun labeur n'ai-ie que faire:

Trop y a peine à labourer.

Mieux vaut deuant les gens orer,

Et affubler ma renardie

Du mantel de papelardie.

A. O fol diable quel est ton dit,

Et ce que tu as ici dit?

F. Quoy? A. Grans desloyautes apertes.

Ne crain-tu donc pas Dieu? F. Non certes.

Car à peine peut homme atteindre

Chose grande, qui Dieu veut craindre.

That is,

Be wroth or blithe, who so be,

For I woll speake and tell it thee,

All should I die, and be put downe,

As was Saint Poul in darke prisoun,

[Page]Or be exiled in this caas

With wrong as master William was,

That my mother hypocrisie

Banished for great enuie.

My mother flemed him Saint Amour,

This noble did such labour

To sustaine euer the loyalte,

That he to much agylt me.

He made a booke and let it write,

Wherein his life he did all write,

And would each renyed begging,

And liue by my trauelling,

If I ne had rent, ne other good,

What weeneth he that I were wood?

For labour might me neuer please,

I haue more will to ben at ease,

And haue well leuer (sooth to say)

Before the people patter and pray:

And wry me in my foxery,

Vnder a cope of papelardy.

(Quoth Loue) What diuell is this that I heare?

What words tellest thou me here?

What sir Falsenesse that apert is,

Than dreadest thou not God? No certis.

For seld in great things shall he speed,

In this world that God would dreed.

These places I haue here alleadged for three causes. First, that the Reader might better perceiue what is meant by this counterfaite gospell, as being a thing verie memorable; albeit I omitted it in my former discourse. Secondly, that the contents of those bookes written by William de sancto Amore (which were afterwards burnt by Pope Alexander the fourth) might the better be knowne. Thirdly, to giue the Reader to vnderstand that his bookes were not onely burned, but himselfe also banished France for speaking the truth. Notwithstanding, here we haue to note, that if he, who was onely banished about the yeare 1260. had but liued three hundred yeares after, he should not haue scaped so scot free? for they would haue set him to haue disputed with fire and fagot, as they did infinite others within these fiftie yeares. As for the history which I said was very memorable, I find it to be so, for this reason: in that by comparing that age with ours, we see the great subtilty and craft of the diuell. For he hath dealt (me thinkes) in this case, (I meane in bringing this false gospell into credit) as Princes many times do with their subiects, who when they see they cannot endure to heare of taxes, subsidies, or imposts, vse the word borrowing: which in the end commeth all to one reckoning: as Solon the ancient lawgiuer made that to passe for currant vnder the name of Sisachthia which vnder his owne ancient name was thought too rigorous. The like pollicy hath the diuell vsed in tampering with this his execrable gospell. For perceiuing that the name progresse, and proceeding of the eternall Gospell (in such sort as hath bene said) displeased all men; he knew well how by changing the name, to retaine the doctrine: so that he is come to the point and period which he first propounded to himselfe. And that it is (gentle Reader) euen as I say, if euer thou hast [Page] read the holy Gospell, consider whether it were not high time for the diuell to confront it with another of his owne forgery (though vnder another name:) to bring in that which the Popes creatures call the seruice of God, consisting of such a number of pompous, glorious, glittering shewes and tricks of conueyance, that the greatest Doctor of them all, should should haue worke enough (thoug he took three daies respite) to reckon vp onely their bare names: and yet peraduenture in the end might come short of his reckoning. For let vs consider a litle, what a long tayle of absurdities this one word Merits draweth after it, being flat contrary to the doctrine of the Gospell.) First, touching the diuers sorts of them, and then the matter of euery sort. For there is (as we know) meritum congrui, digni, condigni, or rather de congruo, digno, condigno, &c. And as for those which they cal good works, affirming them to be the substance of merits; we know that there are simple good works, & works of supererogation: besides sundry others which I cānot stād vpon. But wherein (may we thinke) do these good workes consist? Verily in all manner of deuotions and good intentions, by which the Clergie might haue wherewith to fill their panch, in [...]inging, singing, quaue [...]ing, mumbling, g [...]umbling, pattering a million of Masses, great, litle, hie and low: Masses with a sop of wine, and dry Masses: Item, Masses for quicke and dead, (called Masses de Requiem,) Masses of our Lady of Pitie, our Lady of Vertues, our Lady of good Newes, our Lady of all Beauties, &c. Masses of Saint Sebastian, Masses of Saint G [...]degran, of Saint Guerlichou, of Saint Aliuergo, of Saint Andoch; also Masses of all men and women Saints, men and women Confessors (if there be any such,) men and women Martyrs. To be short, Masses in the name of the eleuen thousand virgines. And yet this is not al: for there are Masses for Fraternities▪ Masses for hunters: Masses for w [...]rriers: Masses for Deacons and Subdeacons, and for them that are neither: with a rabble of others which I cannot remember. Here Steph. did either forget himselfe, or meant to speake the [...]heto [...]ically without a redditiō; for the sentence is [...]. After, if we come to the tooles of one onely Masse, as the Albe, the Stole, the Girdle, the M [...]niple, the Al▪ amice. Amict, the Cope, or Chasyble, &c. The Platine (or Patine) the Pixe, the Censour; (I speake not of the host, because it is not included within the number of the Massing tooles. For, for it alone the stage is erected, and for it all this pageant or rather tragedy is plaied. As for their apish tricks, friskes and gambols, we haue touched them before in a word or two: as also the miraculously subtill and more then Pythagoricall secrets, which lie hid aswell vnder the said turning tricks, as vnder the tooles and trinkets of the Masse. Consider now (good Reader) a litle with thy selfe, out of what Gospell all this geare is taken, and what scripture they follow, who mixe spittl [...], salt, oyle, and such like stuffe (smelling so stinking strong of their sorcery) with the holy Sacrament of Baptisme. Consider further, how exceedingly it ought to mou [...] and astonish him, who by the mercy of God hath bene trained vp in the doctrine of the Gospel: when conuersing with those that make profession of the same religion: he shall heare not onely of the former riffe-raffe ceremonies (yea wicked and dangerous:) but of an infinite number of others also, as of suffrags of the Saints, of Images, of Reliques, of Lights, of the Popes pardons or Indulgences, of Buls, of Myters, of Croziers staues, of Vowes, of Shauings, of Confessions, of Absolutions, of Extreame vnctions, and of that so famous renowmed missificall Purgatorie, with all the appurtenances thereunto belonging. Verily, if he stand in a maze and mammering, to heare such gibbridge, and more to see all this mummery acted vpon the stage, I blame him not. But when he shall reade this story, touching this Infernall (called the Eternall Gospel) and shall consider with himselfe, how subtill and crafty the diuel is, he shal haue no great cause to wonder at the matter. For dobutlesse, [Page] the diuel hath kept this damnable book in store (changing onely the name) to the end that as there is one Christ, and one Antichrist ▪ so there might be one Gospel, and one Antigospell, as I may so speake. Neither hath he vsed this craft and subtelty onely in changing the name, but as we haue seene in some cities, when the cōmon stewes haue bene burnt, the ashes thereof haue flowne abroad into al quarters and corners therof, so that though there remained no more stewes in name, yet indeed and truth, greater then eue [...] before: so he (after that this detestable booke was burned) scattered the ashes thereof among all the bookes which haue bene published since by his slaues and complices; whereof the Decretals haue had their part, the Sūmes also theirs, the Legends & Martyrologies theirs; the Questionall, Distinctionall, Quodlibeticall bookes, Mandestons, Tartares, Breuiaries, M [...]ssalles, and Houres, theirs. Neither herewith content, hath further foisted in other wicked works and writings shrowded vnder the name of the Gospell, as hath bene said. This (gentle Reader) will suffice (I hope) to put thee in minde of the Infernall (otherwise called the Eternall) Gospell, when and as often as thou shalt heare any question moued touching Popish doctrine. And verily (that I may say the same thing againe and againe) seeing men haue endured a Counterchrist, it is no wonder if they suffer a Counter-Gospell.

5 But to returne to prosecute my former argument and to shew how in all ages some abuses haue bene discouered: doubtlesse, if they who haue obserued them, would haue aduertised posteritie of them, we should haue had a number of such aduertisements at this day: but some (God knowes) were so simple that they could not commit such things to writing; others, though sufficiently well qualified, yet had not the heart to do it. Notwithstāding there are certain books come euē to these times, (much more anciēt then those I haue so often mentioned) in which are sundry inuectiues against the Pope, aswel in regard of his life as of his doctrine. But (me thinks) it fareth now with Christian religion as it did somtime with Arts and sciences: for as the liberall arts flourished not so in the age last past, as they did certaine hundred yeares before, and as they haue done since: so the ignorance of Christian religion was more grosse and palpable in the last Centenarie then in the dayes of our grandfathers (at least of our great grandfathers,) and then it was euer since.

6 But here is yet a further point to be noted cōcerning the Age last past (to say nothing of such as proclaimed open warre and hostilitie against the abuses and wicked liues of the Pope and his creatures, as Wicliffe, Iohn Hus, Ierome of Prage, &c.) how that many haue encountred our good Catholickes of the Romish religion, who made no great shew of hostilitie against them. For who would haue thought that Petrarch would haue so inueyed against the holy citie, Già Roma, hor Babilonia falsa e ria? which we find in one of his sonnets (among other his Poems) containing onely a description of the inordinate and dissolute life of the Court of Rome. Nay he goeth further in diuers of his Latin Epistles, saying that Christ is banished thence, that Antichrist is Lord and maister there, and Beelzebub the Iudge: That vnder the standard of Christ, they make warre against Christ: That greater villany is there done to him, thē euer the Pharisies did him: That the hope of eternall life is holden for a very fable: That the more a man is infected and euen plunged ouer head and eares in wickednesse, the more he is esteemed and honoured. And as for couetousnesse, there (saith he) for gold heauen is set wide open, and for gold, euen Christ himselfe is sold. Item, if Iudas come thither, and bring with him his thirtie peeces of siluer (the price of innocent bloud) he shall be admitted, [Page] and Christ shut out of doores. And as for Truth, There (saith he) truth is holden for folly. And in another place, I will not speake of truth: for how can truth haue any lodging or abode there, where all is taken vp with falshood and lies? the aire, the earth, places, houses, towers, &c.

7 Sometimes also our Catholicke chickens were so vnmannerly as to censure their holy mother for false doctrine. For we reade that the Vniuersitie of Paris openly condemned an article in one of the bulles of Clement the sixt, touching the yeare of Iubily, wherein he granted to all that had receiued the Croysado, full power to deliuer three or foure such soules out of Purgatory as themselues thought good. Howbeit the Vniuersity censured not the mandate and commandement which in another bull he gaue to the Angels of Paradise: the words whereof I will here set downe. ‘If any man be minded to come to the holy Citie, we giue him free libertie from the day of his egresse, to chuse one or moe confessors, as well in his iourney as elsewhere, to whom by authoritie committed vnto vs, we giue full power to absolue him in all matters reserued to our selfe, as well as if we were there personally present. And further, we grant to him that hath truly confessed (if he die by the way) free pardon and remission of all his sinnes, and do cleerly quit and absolue him of the same. And we further commaund all the Angels of Paradise, that they bring the soule of such a man into the glorious Imperiall heauen, quite exempting him from the paines of purgatorie, &c.’

8 Besides, we haue certaine prouerbes which haue bene currant time out of mind, which are pregnant proofes that the Cleargies credit was euen then crackt, and their reputation much eclipsed. For in our old and auncient prouerbs (which censure the vices and misdemeanours of men onely in generall) the Church is euer the ringleader of the dance, as in this which hath bene alleadged in the former part of this discourse:

Trou choses sont tout d'vn accord,

L'Eglise, la Cour, & la Mort.

L'Eglise prend du vif, du mort:

La Cour du droit, &c.

That is,

There be things three do well agree,

The Church, the Court, and destinie,

For none will ought to other leaue:

The Church from liue and dead doth reaue.

The Court takes both the right and wrong,

And death takes both the weake and strong.

And likewise in this:

L'Eglise fait la teneur sans droiture,

Noblesse tient la contre sans mesure:

Labeur ne peut à la taille fournir,

Si le dessus ne vient à soustenir.

That is,

The Cleargie falsly sings the Tenors straine,

The Peeres ylike the Countertenor sing:

The Commons toyle the Tenors n'ote sustaine,

Vnlesse the Countertenor ayd do bring.

As also in this prouerbe (for I hope I may be bold to giue this name to the common [Page] sayings which are or haue bene currant in euery mans mouth, though it properly signifie short and compendious pithy sentences)

Depuis que Decrets eurent ailes,

Et que les dez vindrent sur tables,

Gend'armes porterent des males,

Moines allerent à cheual,

Au monde n'y a eu que mal.

That is,

Since that Decrees had wings ygot,

And dice vpon the boord were brought,

Sin [...]e Monkes did faire on horseback trot,

And souldiers were with mailes yfraught,

The world hath bene too bad for naught.

In stead whereof Menot saith, Since Church-men wore great veluet coates. There are also other prouerbes which taxe and censure their couetousnesse in particular, one of which (taken out of Barelete) we mentioned in the former chapter, viz. that Priests, Monkes and the Sea are neuer satisfied. And of this number is that which we formerly alleadged, The Church taketh both of quicke and dead. But we may not forget in the history of the Curate (of whō we spake in the same chapter) that phrase which is vsed in way of a prouerbe, to signifie a thing which neuer was, and neuer should be: When Curates will take no moe offrings: which when stood a certaine bon companion in good stead, who writ long since in a certaine pamphlet which he published, a prognostication of a good time. For he saith, that the good time shall be when women do whatsoeuer their husbands will haue them, without gainsaying. When drunkards shall hate wine. When seruants shall be loyall and faithfull. When maids of fifteene yeares shall refuse to marry. When bakers shall giue away their bread, and vintners their wine for Gods sake. When a Picard shall leaue his lying: a Normand his flattering: a rich Frenchman his haughtinesse: and a German his beastlinesse. When Lawyers cease to make fiue or sixe suites of one. When France shall be rid of iealous persons, cuckolds and flatterers. Among the rest this when is one (of which I haue spoken) and this other which I may not here omit:

Quand vous verrez que les curez

Defendront d'aller à l'offrande,

Et porter escus, & deniers,

Voire sur peine de l'amende:

Et d'autre part, mais que l'on pende

Tous larrons priuez & estranges,

Bon temps verrez (quoi qu'il attende)

Accourir au trauers des fanges.

That is,

When those good sirs that serue the Parish cure

Forbid repairing to their offering,

And charge that no man crownes or pence shall bring,

Vpon the paine of some deepe forfaiture:

And when all theeues forraine or neighbring nigh

On lofty gallow-trees shal hang on high,

Then shal you see (ô who so long can [...]?)

The good dayes coming of the blessed tide.

[Page] There are also auncient prouerbes which taxe the whoredome and drunkennesse of the Popish Cleargie, as also the place where the Popes Holinesse makes his abode: of which number this is one,

Iamais ni cheual, ni homme,

N'amenda d'aller à Romme.

That is,

Nor horse nor man ere turned home

Ought betterd by the sight of Rome.

Neither are there onely prouerbiall sentences, but sundry songs and sonnets also, made by our predecessors against the Popes Scuruinesse, one of which beginneth thus:

Le Pape qui est à Romme,

Boit du vin comm' vn autre homme,

Et de l'ypocras aussi.

That is,

His Holinesse that at Rome doth wonne,

Drinkes wine full well, as his neighbours donne,

And Ypocras as also.

This also is very auncient, and seemeth to haue bene borrowed from the words of Christ.

Loups rauissans & faux prophetes,

Portent habits de brebiettes.

That is,

False Prophets and ranke wolues for need,

Can weare the sheepe or shepheards weed.

For it was taken (if I be not mistaken) out of the words of Christ. Mat. 7. Beware of false Prophets which come to you in sheepes clothing, but inwardly are rauening wolues. Which I do the rather thinke, because it hath bene vsed against the Fryers in particular (and namely against the Mendicants, but especially against the Franciscans) who long since (as we know) were gibed and gested at, being called dissē blers, bald shauelings, makers of apes faces, and chatemites, which is as much as counterfeiters of lambes. And whereas they are called rauening wolues, Saint Francis himselfe would (no doubt) haue granted it, at leastwise that they were wolues, considering he said to a wolfe (as we noted before) my Brother Wolfe. Further, each of these 4. orders of mendicant Fryers hath had his proper praise and commendation apart, euen from our Ancestors dayes. For we say prouerbially; a Iacobin in the Pulpit, a Franciscan in the Quire, a Carmelite in the kitchen, and an Augustine in the stewes. Which notwithstanding ought well and warily to be vnderstood: not as though the Iacobins and Franciscans were not sufficient and able men to deale in the occupation of the Carmelites and Augustines: but for that (besides their sufficiency,) they do it with farre better grace and dexteritie: some of them prating like Parots in the pulpit: and others roaring like buls in the Quire, lustily thundering out an Alleluiah. For it were plaine heresie to say that the Iacobins and Franciscans were not as valiant champions of the god Bacchus as the Carmelites, considering the dittie which was sung ten yeares (I take it) before my beldam was borne:

Iacopins, Cordeliers, Carmes,

En beuuant iettent des larmes,

Disans, que c'est pour les ames, &c.

[Page]The Carmelite and Iacobine,

And their brethren Cordeliers,

When they haue tipled in the wine,

Till it come out in teares:

Say straight, that's for the soules, &c.

And that they are likewise Venus darlings, their actions (heretofore recorded) do sufficiently declare. This is the cause that makes me say, that it ought so to be vnderstood.

9 We reade also in certaine stories, of libels, which sundry sharpe Satyrists cast abroade against the Cleargie, in the last centenary and in the age before; as also of diuers ieasts and merry conceits which haue bene made of the sottish superstitions of the Church of Rome: as namely of holy water (as they terme it) and Purgatory, called S. Patricius his hole, and by the common people S. Patricks hole. As also of pardons or indulgences, and worshipping of Saints: in all which, those merrie grigs who haue made collections of pleasant conceits, haue furnished vs with examples. True it is indeed, they mention some libels which do so gibe and ieast at Popish superstition, that they passe all meane and measure, and sauour of plaine Lucianisme. But leauing those of this straine, I will alleadge some of another note, which now come to my mind. First then I remember three merry ieasts, which were made of holy water: all of them of a fine conceit, and excellent good grace. The first is of one who being reproued for not vailing his bonnet when holy water was cast vpon his head: answered, that if it had that vertue that it could penetrate euen to Purgatory, there was no doubt but it would easily go through his hat. The second is of later time, the author whereof was one Godon a Counsellor of the Court of Parliament in Paris, a man that had an excellent dexteritie in breaking of a ieast. This Godon being one day in place where it was debated before King Francis the first, what course were best for him to take to encounter the Emperour, who was comming (as it was reported) with a great army, and hearing one wish the King such a number of good Gascoignes; another such a number of Lansquenets, (euery man as he fancied:) Sir (quoth he) seeing we are all in our wishes, if it may stand with your Maiesties pleasure, I will wish my wish also, which shall be such a one as shall stand your Maiesty in no charge, whereas theirs will cost your coffers. The King hauing demaunded of him what it might be: Sir (quoth he) I would onely wish to be a diuell bu [...] for one quarter of an houre. To what end? (quoth the king.) I would (quoth he) straight to the Emperour and breake his necke. Verily (quoth the king) thou art a very sot to say so, as though the Emperour had not store of holy water to driue away the diuel. Whereunto he replied, and said, Sir (if it please your highnesse to pardon me) I thinke well that a yong diuel which is not yet his crafts master would [...] for feare of holy water; but a diuell which had bene Godon heretofore, would not flie for all the holy water his Holinesse can make. The third is later and of fresher memory, Lory the publicke notary being the author thereof, who when a certaine Cardinall made report of a woman possessed with a diuell, which by no meanes could be dispossessed: Why Sir (quoth he) it is an easie matter: giue her but a clyster of holy water, and the diuell will be gone I warrant you. There were also in old time many fine ieasts made of Purgatory, as being in very deed a meere ridiculous inuention. Two whereof (which now come to my mind) I will here set downe. When Pope Clement the 7. was besieged in his castle of S. Angelo, and certaine Prelates his friends with him, a gentleman of Rome said, he was euer perswaded that the Pope could deliuer [Page] soules out of Purgatory; but seeing (quoth he) he cannot deliuer himselfe out of prison, I can much lesse thinke he should deliuer soules from thence. The second was made long since at Florence. A Florentine being importuned by the Franciscans of the place to haue certaine Masses said for the deliuering of his sonnes soule out of Purgatory, answered them in this sort; Well, go your wayes, and if you deliuer him by your Masses, I will giue you a crowne. The Friers had no sooner sung their Masses, but they returned to him againe, demaunding their crowne. The Florentine answered, You must first make it appeare vnto me that ye haue indeed deliuered him, before I part with my crowne. In the end (after they had a long time debated the matter and expostulated with him) they went to the Duke, humbly desiring his Highnesse that they might haue iustice. The Duke causing the partie to be sent for, asked him why he detained from them that which he had promised them. The man answered, that he promised them nothing but vpon condition, viz. that if it might appeare vnto him that they had deliuered his sonnes soule out of Purgatory, he would giue them a crowne. The Duke hearing this his answer, turned to the Friers, and said, There is great reason for it, and therefore see you make the soule which you haue deliuered, to come vnto me, and testifie it owne deliuerance, or send me two other soules to witnesse the same: or let it send me a word or two in writing, subscribed with Christs owne hand, and then I will see you shall haue the mony payd you. Another in France did the like. For certain Priests hauing asked money of him for the Masses by which they had deliuered a soule out of Purgatory, he demaunded of them, whether soules once let loose and freed from the paines of Purgatory, were in danger to returne back againe or not? They answering, that they were not: Why then (quoth he) it were folly to giue you money for this which is already deliuered and in safetie: it is more wisdome to keepe it for some other, which haply may be detained there hereafter. An Italian likewise spake as wittily and with as good a grace, when he told the Popes legate at Venice, that if his Holinesse had bene wel aduised, he would neuer haue said that he could deliuer soules out of Purgatory; but that he could deliuer them out of hell. For as for Purgatory (said he) there remaine two things to be proued: first, that there is such a place: secondly, that he deliuereth soules from thence: whereas all men beleeue that there is a hell: so that there remaineth nothing to be proued, but that he deliuereth soules from thence.

10 As for worshipping of Saints, it appeareth by certaine ancient Prouerbs, that some demeaned themselues more discreetly therein then others. For example This prouerbe, There is no miracle comparable to that which is wrought by an old Saint, could not arise but from those which were of opinion, that they ought rather to go to old experienced Saints then to yong princocks and nouices, which were but late vpstarts. For these they secretly condēned, at leastwise shewed they were to be suspected. But here is yet a further thing to be noted, viz. that our ancestors neuer made so great account of their Saints, but that they would both ring them a peale by threatning them, and grinne at them (like a dog at a pitch-forke) when they thought they wronged them: wherein they shewed themselues more bold then their successors. Witnesse the Florentine who said to the image of Saint Iohn Baptist, The plague of God light on thee, thou hast alwaies had a foule slanderous tongue, and therefore Herod cut off thy head: The occasiō of which speech hath bin before remēbred, where I haue also set downe the Italian words wherein it was deliuered. And in the same booke out of which I tooke that story, (intituled Piaceuoleze del piouano Ar lotto) this is recorded which here followeth, being in [Page] effect all one with the former. There was a cooke of Florence who was accustomed to come and say his praiers, and to offer candles to the image of a yong Christ (being about the age that he was of when his mother found him in the Tēple disputing with the Doctors) and had continued in his fauour for the space of twenty yeares and more: after which time it happened that a tyle fell vpon his sonnes head, and hurt him so sore, that there was no hope he shold euer escape: which he had no sooner perceiued but he went to his yoūg Iesus, carying with him a goodly waxe taper (whereas he was wont to cary nothing but candles) and beganne to pray vnto him in this sort. ‘Dolce Signore mio Iesu Christo, io ti priego renda la sanita, &c. That is, O my sweet Lord Iesus, I beseech thee restore my sonne his health againe, whom I do so dearely loue. Thou knowest that I haue faithfully serued thee, aboue these twenty yeares, during which time I neuer requested the least fauour at thy hands, now therefore I am come to commend and commit my selfe and sute vnto thee, my sonne being in such danger of death, who is all my ioy & hope, my comfort and content: so that if he chance to die, I shall die shortly after for dolour and despaire; at leastwise haue regard to the deuotion which he alwaies bare thee aswell as my selfe. Hauing thus praied, he returned home againe, where he found his sonne dead. Whereupon he went the next morning, in great anger to his little Iesus, carying not so much as a candle with him, & neither kneeling down nor vailing his bonnet▪ beganne in this sort. I renounce thee and vtterly defie thee, and I promise thee truly I will neuer come neare thee, I haue faithfully serued thee aboue these twenty yeares, during which [...] I neuer craued any thing at thy hands but this onely good turne, and thou hast denied me. If I had made this request to the great Crucifixe which standeth by me, I know he would haue granted it. I promise thee faithfully, I will beware so long as I liue, how I deale either with thee or any other stripling, for thy sake; and for conclusion of all, he added this Italian prouerbe, Chi S'impaccia con fanciulli, con fanciulli si ritroua.’ Which story (being there set downe at large, specifying the Church and place where this cooke dwelt) serueth very fitly to exemplifie the foresaid prouerbe, with which that agreeth well which was spoken by a good fellow who prayed to one of our Ladies, holding her young babe in her armes. For hauing receiued such an answer as pleased him not well, by one that stood behind the Image (as the Florentine who stood behind Iohn Baptists Image counterfaiting his voice) and iudging by the tone, that it was not the mother but the child which spake, said: Hold your peace you litle lick-dish, and let your mother speake who is wiser then you. But a Burgundian vttered farre fouler words against a young Crucifixe (sonne to an old Crucifix,) for hurting of him. The story is this. In Burgundy neare to a village called Chaseule, a country clowne going through a Church, enquired of the Ringers for whose soule they did ring. And he had no sooner learned his name, but he fell straight on his marrow-bones, and began to pa [...]er ouer certaine prayers for his soule before a crucifixe standing neare the belfry: which in stead of giuing him a nod with his head, fell full vpon him and left him in such a pitifull plight, that the men were glad to leaue their ringing, to take him vp, and carry him in al hast home to his house, where he remained long time sicke and sore. Now after he was recouered againe, returning to the Church, and seeing a goodly young smiling crucifix in the same place; (for you must note by the way, that the old crucifix had broken his necke in falling vpon this poore paysant:) he could containe no longer, but beganne in this sort: ‘Cast as good a countenance towards me as thou wilt, I will neuer trust thee: for if thou liue till thou be a man, thou wilt be as vnhappy [Page] as euer thy father was, who wold haue killed me.’ These 3. stories do sufficiently confirme the truth of that which hath bene said, viz. that our Ancestors made not so great accompt of their Saints, but that they would tell them their lesson, and giere at them, when they perceiued they offered them any wrong: wherein they shewed themselues more couragious then many since their time; howbeit the boldnesse of my neighbours of Ville neuue S. George by Paris) was far greater. For they not contented to rate and reuile Saint George, because that vpon his feast day he suffered their vines to be nipped with the frost: but hauing spoken all the villany against him they could, they did him a worse turne by casting him into the riuer of Seyne, where he was frozen with their vines for company: their boldnesse being so much the greater, in that they durst encounter him who is Mars the great God of warre among the Saints.

11 Churchmen also were girded at in old time and flouted sundry waies, Monks and Fries especially; who were not onely branded with those goodly nicknames before remembred (wherwith their hypocrisie was taxed & censured) but with sundry others also: some cēsuring their gluttony, others their lechery, others their stupidity. Among the rest, Laurence de Medicis was the man that knew how to do them the honour appertaining to their holinesse. For being asked by the Turks Ambassador, what should be the reason that there were not so many fooles to be seene in Florence, as in Caire and other cities of Aegypt? Answered, that they kept all their fooles fast locked vp, some in one place some in another, acccording to the diuersitie of their frenzies. And leading him out of Florence, he shewed him a number of Monasteries, and withall told him, that in those houses they shut vp all their fooles, both men and women, whom they called Monks and Nunnes. But his tale had bene much better told (in my conceipt) if he had said, that they suffered none but harmlesse fooles to range abrode in the streetes, and that they kept their hurtfull and knauish fooles within. But all that our Ancestors spake against the Clergie is nothing, in comparison of that which was spoken against the Pope, I meane against his person and practise. For Pasquin girded at him long since, and that sundry wayes, giuing him such priuie nips and crosse blowes ouer the thumbs, that better iests cānot be inuented. Sundry poets also not long before our time spared not the Popes one iot, as namely Pontanus, Sannazarius, and others. But I will begin this discourse with the answer which a limmer made to a Cardinall, who though he had drawne S. Peter and S. Paul so liuely, that all which beheld them, approued the worke, yet was there a Cardinall who said he had espied a fault in them, in that he had made them too high coloured: whereupon the limmer forthwith shaped him this answer: Sir (quoth he) this rednesse proceedeth of shame; for they blush to see the life which you leade, in comparison of that which they led when they were on earth. Which answer of his agreeth very fitly with this Epigram made by a learned man yet liuing.

Semiuiros quicunque patres radiante galero

Conspicis, & rubrae syrmata longa togae:

Crede mihi, nullo saturatas murice vestes,

Diuite nec cocco pallia tincta vides.

Sed quae rubra vides, sanctorum cade virorum,

Et mersa insonti tota cruore madent.

Aut memor istorum, qua celet crimina vestis,

Pro dominis iusto tacta pudore rube [...].

And this putteth me in mind of the Preacher formerly mentioned, who beganne [Page] and ended his Sermon with Fie Saint Peter▪ Fie Saint P [...]l ▪ I say he began and ended therewith: for he spake neuer a word besides▪ though he often iterated them. But to returne to Pasquin (who hath so wel rubbed and curried the Pope:) by Pasquin, we are to vnderstand (which I speake for the ignorant sort) many excellent quicke wits, who hauing composed libelling verses in Latin or Italian ▪ against any of the Popes, caused them to be fastened to an image called Pasquin. No maruell then if Pasquin hit them so often ouer the thumbes, and c [...]rried their cockscombs so well: seeing the inuentions of many excellent wits haue bin fathered vpon him. And yet I perswade my selfe he neuer did any thing with better grace, then when he said that he was ready to die for sorrow, in [...] such an iniury had bene done him, as pierced him to the very heart. Whereupon when certain asked him, Friend Pasquin, what iniury hath bene done thee? hath any man called thee theefe, or murtherer, or poisoner? oh no (said he) but they haue called me worse. What? hath any man called thee sacrilegious person, or parricide, buggerer or atheist? oh no (said he) they haue called me worse. And after they had instanced in sundry other the greatest indignities they could imagine: alas (said he) you haue not yet reckoned it, neither do I think you wil euer ghesse what it is. In the end, hauing bene often requested to vtter his griefe, breathing out many sighes with Alas, alas, he said that they called him Pope. The same Pasquin declared also in a Latin Epigramme (which he made since) what conceit we should haue of the signification of this word Pope, in these verses,

Hic Carapha iacet; superis inuisus & imis:

Styx animam, tellus putre cadauer habet.

Inuidit pacem terris, dijs vota preces (que):

Impius & clerum perdidit & populum:

Hostibus infensis supplex, insidus amicis.

Scire cupis paucis caetera? Papa fuit.

Hereunto also well accordeth the common saying, A good Pope, a wicked man. And who so would know how the said Pasquin extolled the vertues of Popes, let him reade these verses:

Sixtum lenones, Iulium rexere cinoedi,

Imperium vani scurra Leonis habes.

Clementem furiae vexant, & auara cupido.

Quae spes est regni Paule futura tui?

(Where I confesse he hath bene somewhat bold in vsing Poeticall licence in the quantitie of Iulium.) There are also certaine Epigrams which taxe the couetousnesse of some Popes in particular, as namely this which was written of Alexander the sixt,

Vendit Alexander claues, altaria, Christum:

Emerat ille priùs, vendere iure potest.

That is,

Christ, altars, keyes, doth Alexander sell,

Why should he not? perdy they cost him well.

Mantuan also hath written to the like effect of the couetousnesse of Popes, albeit in generall:

Or voulez vous sauoir quelle trafique meine

La marchande portant nom d'Eglise Romaine?

Elle vend pour argent temples, prestres, autels,

Couronnes, feux, encen [...], messes, & ioyaux tels:

[Page]Et en son auarice elle est si sort extreme,

Que vendre ell'ose bien le ciel, voire Dieu mesme.

That is,

Then would you know the trafficke and the wares

Wherewith this Marchandisse (hight Rome) doth trade?

For mony sels she Churches, Altars, Priests,

Crownes, incense, fiers, and Masses: and what more?

Yea so excessiue is her couetice:

Of heauen and God himselfe she sets a price.

The same author hath likewise blazoned their other vertues in these verses:

Le sainct champ du Seigneur est plein de parasites,

Et l'autel precieux ne sert qu'aux Sodomites:

Brief, les temples à saincts vsages ordonnez

Par ces Ganymedes bougrins sont profanez.

That is,

Gods holy field is full of Parasites,

The precious altars swarme with Sodomites:

The Churches that were made for holy deeds,

Are soyled by these buggering Ganimedes.

And what hath Pontanus said of Alexander the sixth, in an Epitaph which he writ of his daughter?

Conditur hoc tumulo Lucretia nomine, sed re,

Thais Pontificis filia, sponsa, Nurus.

Which Epitaph I finde turned into French by two: one of which hath turned it thus,

Ci gist le corps d'vne certaine dame

De nom Lucrece, & d'effect (dont ie tremble)

Du Pape fut ribaude tres-infame,

Espouse, bru, & fille tout ensemble.

The other thus,

Ci dort qui fut de nom Lucrece,

De faict Thais, putain de Grece,

Qui iadis d'Alexandre fille

Et femme fut & belle-fille.

That is,

Here lies Lucrece by name, Thais in life,

The Popes child and spouse, and yet his owne sons wife.

The Poet Sannazarius also hath writtē an Epitaph of this Pope; where hauing declared these and sundry other villanies, he saith for conclusion, And yet hath he bin Pope of Rome these eleuen yeares. Go now, and speake of Neroes, Caligulaes and villanous Heliogabali. But enough of such stuffe (for I am ashamed to name the rest:) yet what (I beseech you is the commendation of Boniface in this Epitaph: Intrauit vt vulpes, regnauit vt Leo, mortuus est vt canis: that is, he entred like a foxe, raigned like a lion, and died like a dog? And to the end we may see how that they which could not write to their commendation in good Latin, haue written in as good as they could, rather then they would be silent and say nothing: I wil here set downe the Epitaph of Benedict the twelfth,

Iste fuit verò Laicis mors, vipera Clero,

Deuius à vero,

Al. cupa.

turba repleta mero.

[Page] Neither did they write all these goodly Epitaphs of the Popes onely; for some haue also blazoned the vertues of their Cardinals, Bishops, and other Prelates: amongst which this hath an excellent grace which was written against a Popish Bishop, sometime a Franciscan.

Nudipes Antistes, non curat Clerus vbi stes:

Dum non in coelis, stes vbicunque velis.

But (to hold me onely to the Popes) the meanes which they vsed to auoide the creating of a she Pope (as once it happened) in stead of a he Pope, hath bene exceedingly derided of old. And hereof Iohannes Pannonius hath made an Epigram, (wherein he rightly blazoneth their trumpery) which I haue thus turned into French,

Nul ne pouuoit iouïr de sainctes clefs de Romme,

Sans monstrer qu'il auoit les marques de vray homme:

D'où vient donc qu'à present ceste pre [...]e est cessée

Et qu'on n'a plus besoin de la chaire percée?

C'est pource que ceux▪ la qui ores les clefs ont,

Par les enfans qu'ils font, monstrent bien ce qu'ils sont.

That is,

Of old times, none Romes holy keyes did [...]eare,

But by some markes had first his manhood showne:

How comes this triall out of date whilere?

Nor needs no chaire to make his secret knowne?

For that who euer now the keyes haue borne,

Haue by their bastards prou'd their sexe beforne.

And as for Popish lawes and constitutions, we find that our auncestors opposed themselues against them to the vttermost of their power: and forbare not to crie out mightily against the Cleargie for not abolishing them: but principally against the forbidding of Priests mariages. Against which we find these verses in the first place simply and plainly made.

O b [...]n [...] Calixte, nunc omnis Clerus odit te.

Olim Presbyteri poterant vxoribus vti:

Hoc destruxisti tu, quando Papa fuisti.

Ergo tuum Festum nunquam celebratur honestum.

And others (after them) beginning thus,

Prisciani regula penitus cassatur:

Sacerdos per hic & haec olim declinatur.

Sed per Hic solùm nunc articulatur:

Quum per nostrum praesulem Haec amoueatur.

And a little after,

Non est Innocentius, immò nocens ve [...]è,

Qui quod facto docuit, verbo vult delere.

Et quod olim iu [...]enis voluit habere,

Modò vetus Pontifex studet prohibere.

Gignere, &c.

Mantuan likewise condemneth this Popish decree, where he saith,

N'eust-il pas mieux valu suiure la droite voye,

Par où la Loy de Dieu nous meine & nous conuoye,

En ensuiuant les pa [...] des nos anciens peres,

Desquels la vie estoit chaste & sans vituperes,

[Page]Quand ils se contentoyent d'auoir chacun sa femme?

Helas, & qu'est-ce au pris du celibat infame,

Que maintenir on veut contre Dieu & nature,

Si non impieté pleine de forfaiture?

That is,

Were it not better follow that right path,

Wherein Gods royall law doth vs conduct,

Pressing the footsteps of our auncestors,

Whose life was chast and void of rightfull blame,

When each man was with his owne wife content?

Alas, what's this to that infamous life,

Which singly they 'gainst God and nature leade,

Full of leud thoughts and many a beastly deed?

Neither was there so much as Master Allin Charretier, but cryed out against this Canon or constitutiō. For (as Iohn Maire witnesseth in his book called the Exile) he writ against it as followeth: There was long since a new Canon confirmed in the West Church, seuering the order of holy Matrimony from the dignitie of Priesthood, vnder the colour of puritie and Chastity: but now contrarily runneth the Canon of Concubinage, with entisements to worldly pompe and dignities, to sensuall and fleshly sinnes; and (which is more) the Cleargie is growen extremely and vnconscionably couetous, &c. A litle after; What hath the constitution of forbidding priests mariages brought with it, but the changing of lawfull generation into adultery and fornication? and the honest cohabitation with one onely spouse, into multiplication of harlots and liuing in hot and burning lust? And if I should say all that I thinke, I would say, &c.

12 But a wonder it is, that our auncestors should not perceiue the villanies of that purple whore, the scarlet strumpet (which calleth her selfe The holy Catholicke Church) seeing she neuer cloaked nor concealed them in the least manner, but set them to the open view to all that would behold them: as namely in the case of forbidding Priests mariages. For though Pope Hildebrand made it a Canō and constitution of the Church, yet some of his successors (as stories report) haue bene so farre from keeping it, that they made no conscience to marry their owne daughters: witnesse the Epitaph of Alexander the sixt, made by Pontanus: witnesse also the stories which haue bene written of his life. For herein I suppose he followed the example of his predecessors, not to speake of those whom historians (who haue written of the liues of Popes) haue seuerely censured. And as he was emboldened to commit incest with his owne daughter, by the example of his predecessors: so by his example was Pope Paulus the third heartened to do the like. For he entertained his daughter Constantia, and perceiuing that he could not haue her at his whistle, & enioy her company so conueniently as formerly he had done (considering she was maried to a Duke called Sforza,) he poisoned her. I omit to speake how kindly he entertained his sister, because this incest is not altogether so vnnaturall and brutish as the former. And whereas he poysoned her also, because he saw that she tooke not so great pleasure in him as in others, it is lesse then nothing, considering the vnconscionable largenesse of Popes consciences: witnesse Hildebrand who poisoned seuen or eight Popes, that he might come to the Popedome. And which is more remarkable, after they had vsed their daughters or sisters as whores (as Iohn the thirteenth did,) or other their kinswomen (as others haue done) they maried them to Princes; as it is reported, that the forenamed [Page] Alexanders Lucretia (I meane Lucretia who was his daughter, his daughter in law and his whore, that is, with whom he lay, (notwithstanding she was his owne daughter) and his sonne also, who was her owne brother) was maried to three Princes successiuely: first, to Duke Iohn Sforce: next (he being diuorced from her) to Lewes bastard son to Alphonsus king of Arragon: & lastly to Alphonsus d'Est Duke of F [...]rrara. And yet these holy men (who haue forbidden others lawfull mariage) not content to vse the liberty which Iupiter vsed in such incestuous mariages, wold needs after his example haue their Ganimedes also. True it is, that some of them haue had great Ganimedes, and others lesse. So that when Mantuan speaketh hereof in his verses which formerly I alleadged, I cannot well tell which of them he meaneth: but sure I am that the Ganimede of Pope Iohn Maria de monte, called Iulius the third, was in stature & feature like vnto Iupiter, somewhat resembling him in the proportion and lineaments of his face, as Poets haue described him; which thing I speake the rather, because my selfe saw and aduisedly beheld him, especially at once when he sate at table with his Iupiter. But these earthly Iupiterizing gods (those I meane that tread in the steps of Iupiter) may not haue it layd in their dish for dispencing with themselues in such a point, for which they wold dispence with others also, rather then for mariage. For I perswade my selfe, if priests after they were forbidden mariage, had with common consent exhibited a petition to their Holinesse, (holding the supplication in one hand, and a bribe in the other) that they might haue recourse to the male sexe seeing they would not suffer them to vse the female, they would neuer haue denied them. And that which more confirmeth me in this opiniō, it, for that we reade in the life of Pope Sixtus the 4. how he granted libertie to the whole family of the Cardinall of S. Luce to vse carnall company with the male sexe, during the three hotest moneths. As also that which we reade in the life of Pope Alexander the sixt, how he permitted one Peter Mendozze a Spaniard and Cardinall of Valencia, to make a Ganimede of his bastard sonne the Marquesse of Zannet.

13 Now besides that these deuout Churchmen committed their villanies openly in the view of all men, as appeareth by that which hath bene already said, and by sundry other places of this booke; it is further to be obserued that they make but a mocke at sundry things, which notwithstanding they cause the poore people (silly soules) to hold and beleeue as articles of their faith. For when Pope Leo the tenth was told by his Confessor that he needed to feare nothing, considering he had the keyes of heauen, and of the treasury of the Church, consisting of the merits of Christ and of the Saints: he answered in this sort: Thou knowest that he which hath sold a thing, hath no longer right nor int [...]rest therein; therefore seeing I haue sold heauen and all to others, I haue nothing to do there. The same Pope being reproued by certaine Cardinals for his le [...]d life, as being exceedingly changed since he was created Pope, answered: If I be wicked, you are the cause thereof; for you haue made me such a one as I am. They wondering at this answer, and demaunding of him what he meant thereby: Because (quoth he) you haue made me Pope; for it is not possible to be both a Pope and an honest man. Nay they go yet a step further, in prophaning those things which they wold haue the world beleeue were holy and sacred: as when Pope Iulius the second cast his Saint Peters keyes into Tyber, and took Saint Pauls sword, saying, Saint Peters keyes would stand him in no stead for the warres, whereas Saint Pauls sword would help him well. Yet all this is nothing in comparison of that which Pope Gregory the seuenth (called Hildebrand) did; who when his consecrated host (which the Popes [Page] creatures call the blessed sacrament of the Altar, and the body of Christ) answered him not to his demands, being angry thereat, cast it into the fire in the presence of many Cardinals, who could not stay him from burning of his breaden God. The truth of which story might well be doubted of, if the person from whom it originally proceeded, were any way to be suspected: but the author thereof is Cardinal Benno, who further addeth, that Iohn Bishop of Port (Secretary to Hildebrand, and very inward with him) affirmed in a Sermon which he made in S. Peters Church in the audience of a multitude of people, concerning the profanatiō of the blessed Sacrament of the Altar:) Hildebrand (quoth he) & we with him, haue done such a fact, for which we deserue to be burned quicke; & he that wil not credit this Cardinals report, may find it confirmed by other testimonies. For my part I see nothing in this fact of Hildebrand, which is not more then probable. For if we reade his life, we shall find that he hath profaned his religion after another manner: I say that he hath profaned his religion: for according to true religion, the said consecrated host might haue bene cast into the fire without any prophanation at all; namely as a peece of paste, and in the same nature that it is of when it descendeth into the bellies not onely of men, but also of beasts, & after into that place which for modesty I may not name. But some may here haply say, that it is no wonder if Hildebrand dealt in that sort with the sacramentall host, considering he was a Necromancer, as in his life is discoursed at large: notwithstanding I perswade my selfe, that if he had asked counsell of him in whose schoole he learned the blacke Art, he would neuer haue aduised him so: which I do the rather thinke, for that the grand Negro of all Necromancers (who is also the great Sorbonist of Sorcerers, and maister of Magicians) will in no wise hurt this god of paste, but very friendly and louingly agrees with him. For proofe hereof, in the yeare 1538. there were certaine priests burnt in Sauoy for inchantments and sorcery, one of which was burnt at Rolle a towne foure miles distant from Lausanna, and his whore with him for company, which was a sorceresse; who confessed that he had bene a sorcerer for the space of foure and twenty yeares, during which time he neuer left saying his ordinary Masses. Which makes me say, that there is old acquaintance and good agreement betweene the god in the Masse, and the Bee in the boxe. For how else could this sorcering priest haue bene capable of this high honor and dignitie of singing Masse, seeing that before he came to be initiated in the diuels schoole and entred in his blacke booke, he was to giue himselfe body and soule, tripes and all vnto him: as also deny God his creator, and renounce his baptisme, as may appeare by the arraignements, inditements and condemnations of sorcerers and witches. And therfore the diuell (in my opinion) neuer gaue Hildebrand that counsell to cast the consecrated host into the fire, but he was horne mad for anger, in that it being called and reputed a god, could not answer the questions which hee demaunded of him, as well as Apollo, Bacis, or Pythias, who gaue answers by their Oracles.

14 If any shall still doubt (notwithstanding the reasons that haue bene here alleadged, and elsewhere, as namely where I spake of the Sacramentall empoysoner) whether there be indeed such good agreement and intelligence betweene the diuell and the breaden God, I will heare alleadge the testimonies of his owne priests, which shall likewise serue for the continuing of my intended discourse, touching the foresaid prophanation. And first I will alleadge the testimony of a Priest of Sauoy, named dom Anthony Goetrew (Dom in Sauoy is as much as Sir with vs) who when he was chanting his Masse, perceiuing his gossip which holpe him [Page] to sing, stay too long before he answered Amen: Say Amen (quoth he) in the diuels name. And straight this gossip said Amen in the diuels name. True it is indeed that he was not a litle moued, for to his Amen he added these words; now a poxe on thee gossip: for if thou haddest not called so loud, I had taken a mouse. For you must note that he watched a mouse which was come to heare Masse, or to eat the Massemongers god. For diuers of them haue plaid such pranks as we know: but see his owne words, which haue a farre better grace in their proper dialect. Amen, Le chancrou te rungzay compare: se te n'ousse tan cria, zusson prey la ratta.

15 Further, concerning the good agreement which is betwixt this breaden god & the diuell, we haue the testimony of a Priest who said, For my part (I confesse) I vnderstand nothing of these Saints Masses: but I will tickle you ouer an ordinary Masse in the diuels name. And here I cannot omit a like story of one, who chanting his Masse in a place where he might looke into his garden; and perceiuing a boy in the top of one of his cherry trees, as he was lifting vp his breaden god ouer his head, cryed aloud, Come downe in a wannian, come downe: speaking it (as it is most like) aswell to his god of past which he held ouer his head, as to the boy in the tree. And he cōcurres in opiniō & practise with the foresaid Priest, who said, Come and say Masse in the diuels name, for my maister is angry. The same may be said of a gentleman of Lorraine, who said to his sonne (which had no great deuotion to heare Masse (To Masse in the diuels name, to Masse. But here, it may be demanded how it should be, that (seeing the diuell and the god of pas [...]e do so well agree & are such great friends) that Priests should so often threaten him with the diuell? as a certaine Sir Iohn in Lorraine did, who threatned to cast his poore god to the diuell. The story is this, A good fellow owing this Sir Iohn a displeasure, and resoluing to beat him soundly where euer he foūd him: meeting with him in the street as he was carying his breaden god: Oh (quoth he) how I would curry thee, were it not for the reuerence I beare to god in thy hands. Whereupon Sir Iohn (thinking himself as good a man he) answered and said, If that be the matter, it shall not hinder vs to try the mastery, and whether of vs shall beare away the blowes: see here is my God on the ground, (for he set him downe to rest him there, and to iudge of the combat) & the diuel take him if he deale on either side. This questiō (to say the truth) is more then Sorbonicall: for many of no greater moment haue bene debated in Councels. For seeing the breaden god and the diuell are such great friends, (as hath bene shewed) how is it possible that the god of past should stand in feare of him, as it is manifest he doth, at lestwise in their opinion who thus threaten him? Some may also obiect a fact committed by a Priest of Sauoye about thirtie yeares ago, (either Curate or Vicar of a village called [...]eling neare to Bonne in Foussigns) to whō his parishioners came, to the end he might alay a great tēpest (For he had bragged that they needed not to feare either tempest, thunder, or lightning within the parish, so long as he continued with thē) who vsed first a number of coniurations which he had by [...], and after tooke out of his Per [...]uise and Masse book the most horrible-terrible-words (being al this while shrowded vnder a tree, which kept off part of the tempest, and holden by foure or fiue for feare of being ouerthrowne:) but perceiuing in the end that all was to no purpose, and that he laboured in vaine, he brought foorth his holy Sacrament, that is, his breaden god▪ and spake thus vnto it, Cour [...] n' [...]ple [...]or quo le diablou, [...] deg [...]ian le pa [...]o. That is, by G [...] ▪ if thou be [...] stronger then the diuell, I will cast thee into the dirt. Here is (I say) another story lyable to the same obiection with the former: but because it would make my head ake to resolue it, I will refer it to the next Coūcell: [Page] except they will in the meane time take this as a sufficient answer, that these breaden gods and the diuel play now and then the parts of Aduocates and Atturneys, who in open audience at the barre, looke as though they would eate one another, crying Haroll for iustice on their Clients side: but as soone as they are gone from the barre, shake hands and drinke together at their clients cost. Wherefore it may well be, that these gods and diuels abused the priests with like pollicy. At leastwise this is all that I can say herein for this present.

16 As for other prophanations wherewith the Massemonging priests (the Popes creatures) prophane that which they would haue holden for a Sacrament, I will here giue some few examples, leauing the Reader to iudge what reuerend opinion the poore Papists ought to haue of other points of their religion, when the Masse priests so notoriously prophane this which is the very marrow of their mattins. And first to beginne with a priest of Lorraine, who holding a pixe (or boxe) full of vnconsecrated singing cakes (as they terme them) shuffled thē together saying, Ribaudaille, ribaudaille, Ye little whoresons, ye little whoresons, which of you wil be god to day? And from him I will come to a priest of Prouince, who being reproued for lifting vp his breaden god with his heeles vpward, and his head downward: I did it (quoth he) for feare left his hose would haue falne of his heeles. After these, I will tell you of a priest of Sauoy, who bragged that himselfe and his fellowes plaied with the god in the Masse, as the cat plaieth with a mouse, viz. that after they had sported with it their fill, they deuoure it. I haue heard also of other Sir Iohns who haue put or rather incorporated into their Masses other manner of stuffe: for hitherto we haue onely spoken of him that said to his gossip, Say Amen in the diuels name: and of him who lifting vp his god ouer his head, called to one whom he espied climing his Cherry tree, and bade him come downe in the diuels name. Yet we haue said nothing of the Chaplaine of the late Marshall of Bié, who calling (as his manner was) for a cup of wine for his breakfast or morning draught, to one that holpe him at Masse, and hauing set it in an odde corner at the end of the Altar (or there about) couered with a cloth, till such time as he had mumbled ouer his Matins: so it was that one of the said Marshals lackies hauing a moneths mind to visit this pot, took his oportunitie when he saw the priest in his Memento. But this gentle Sir Iohn (for all his Memento) hauing one eye on his Portuise, and another on his pot, seeing it to be in that danger that it stood at the mercy of the lackey, added these words to his Memento, Let it alone thou bastards brat, let it alone. But of him who slept in his Memento, and when he awooke started vp crying, The king drinketh, (remēbring the Antheme he had song al the night long, which made his head to ake) we haue already spoken. Howbeit we haue said nothing of that bon cōpanion, who thinking he had bene stil at cards, cryed, I am flush. And I perswade my selfe, they would neuer haue inserted all these fo [...]d fooleries, had they not bene in sober sadnesse: witnesse that hedge priest by Paris, who hauing found in his Almanacke Sol in Canero writtten in red letters, thinking it had bene the name of some Saint, tooke some paines to seeke out the Masse that might fit it best: In the end when he had turned his Masse booke ouer and ouer, and could not find him out, he made an end of Matins in this mad moode. Sol in Can [...]ro, Sol in Cancrus, nec est Virgo, nec Martyrus: venite adoremus. It were endlesse to alleadge all the examples of the ornaments of the massing Sacrifice: (for considering what the Masse is, and not what the Popes creatures iudge it to be, I call that an ornament, which according to them I should cal a prophanation) yet this one I cannot omit, the most famous of ten thousand, of Octauian of Saint Gelais, Bishop of Angoulesme [Page] (and yet a translatour of Ouids books de Arte amandi.) This prelate had laid a wager, that whensoeuer and wheresoeuer any should speake to him in rime, he would ex tempore answer in rime againe: the wager being agreed vpon, these three verses were propounded vnto him whilst he was dandling his little breaden God.

L'autre iour venant de l'escole,

Ie trouuai la dame Nicole

Laquelle estoit de verd vestue.

That is,

As I came from schoole alone,

There I met with mistris Ione

Clothed all in greene.

To which, without interrupting his missificall deuotion, hee answered readily in this sort:

Ostez-moy du col ceste estole,

Et si bien tost ie ne l'accole,

I'auray la gageure perdue.

That is,

Take but my cloake some one,

If I kisse her not anone,

I leese the wager cleene.

Thus were their Masses garnished with merry conceits, vttered by the massemongers mates; as when they cried out aloud (ô most shamelesse and impudent villaines) To the offering Sirs, you that haue any deuotion, Come on yee women, turne vp your tippets. But it was no iesting if the Priest did not post ouer his Masse as fast as they would haue him. For then they were horne-wood, as if the diuell had bene among them. Some crying, The diuell take thee Sir Iohn: others, Haste thee in the diuels name, for they wil haue broken their fast before we come. A pox on thee Sir Iohn (would another say) thou canst not reade halfe fast enough. All which charitable and deuout prayers are nothing in comparison of that which certaine French gentlemen said to a Priest, who when he should haue made an extraordinary short Epitome and abridgement of the Masse, made it longer by the whole passion: but they may thanke themselues. For whereas they should haue bidden him say a hunting Masse, they bad him say a souldiers Masse, thinking it would haue bene much shorter. Whereupon the poore Priest hauing dreamed a good while what Gospel made mention of souldiers, in the end he stumbled vpon these words in the story of the passiō, cū fustibus & armi [...], and so put the whole passiō into his Masse: in the mean time making these gallāts (who were all booted, and their horses in danger to be surfetted at the Church gate) stamp and stare, and curse as well the Masse as the Masse-priest. These examples (in my iudgement) are more then sufficient to proue my former assertion, viz. that she which calleth her selfe the holy Catholicke Church, neuer so much as concealed from our auncestors the least part of her leudnesse, but layd it open to those that were not blind, and proclaimed it to such as were not deafe. And verily they serue notably to shew how they prophaned that which they held for the onely true Catholicke and Apostolicke faith and right Romane religion: (for of their wicked liues and false doctrine, we haue spoken at large before) But as for our auncestors, where one of them complained of their false doctrine, a hundred complained of their abhominable liues: albeit the greater part found fault with them only for toyes and trifles: [Page] suffering them in the meane while to runne riot into hainous enormities, not once opening their mouthes against them. As when they found no fault with them for their leudnesse in keeping of benefices in this or that manner, but for enioying of incompetible benefices, or for hauing ouer many. As we reade of king Lewis the twelfth, who whē a Bishop begged a benefice of him, (notwithstanding the great number he had already) answered, I shall (quoth he) giue thee so long, till the diuell carry all away. Tot dabo tibi quòd diabolus portabit omnia, as Menot hath it, who (good old Preacher) together with his fellow Friers (so often before alleadged) will furnish vs with store of such examples for the illustration of this point.

17 I come now to false miracles, some of which our predecessors discouered, and others haue bene detected in our time: and I will first begin with Ioane the holy maid of Kent. This holy virgin was a long time holden to be a Saint and a Prophetesse by the subtill deuice and cunning of the Franciscans, who made the world beleeue that she descended from heauen: giuing it out (to colour the matter with some probabilitie) that she neither ate nor dranke; albeit she banquetted secretly, and playd the strumpet stoutly with their ghostly fathers holinesse. Among other things, they made the poore people beleeue, that she knew all mens sinnes: and the truth is, she told those that resorted vnto her, the secretest sinnes they had committed; but it was not without the knauery of the false Friers, who suffered none to come to her till they had first shriuen them. Her selfe also might easily heare euery mans confession from the roome where she was: the Franciscans hauing chosen her a place very fit for the purpose. In the end when the knauerie was discouered (after they had deceiued many thousands) shee and the gentle Friers, authors of the miracle, were executed. Some say the abuse was detected by a certaine gentleman, who suspecting the cunning packing of the Franciscans in acquainting her with mens confessions, confessed certaine things which he neuer did in all his life, which being afterwards told him againe by her, the legerdemaine was espied. Howbeit others say otherwise. There is also mention made of a crucifixe, which the said Friers made to weepe and to speake. As for the false miracle (or rather false miracles) of the Iacobins of Berne and the Franciscans of Orleans, I will content my selfe to put the Reader in minde of them, hoping it will not be needfull to make further recitall thereof, considering these stories are in print, and in euery mans mouth. Onely let vs remember that the spirit of the Franciscans of Eureux was before the miraculous spirit of the Franciscans of Orleans, as hath bene said.

18 Iohn Menard in like maner records another false miracle (though wrought by no wicked spirit) in his book intituled A declaratiō of the order and state of the Franciscās. A pedlar of S. Anthonies relikes being to preach vnder a walnut tree, had strewed gun-powder a litle before in a Pies nest, which bred in the tree, and hauing so done, he tied a small string vnto it, putting fire to the end thereof. Now whilest he was preaching his pardons, the Pie perceiuing the powder, began to make a great chattering. The Franciscan (who listened to heare this sport) thinking it wold not be long before it tooke fire aboue, began in this sort, Thou naughtie bird, which thus interruptest this holy exercise, my Lord S. Anthonies fire will burne thee for this geare. He had no sooner spoken the word, but the fire which had already seized vpon the nest by meanes of the string, burned both her and her yong ones: which was not done without a solemne shout, the people crying aloud, A miracle, a miracle; by meanes whereof he got a good round offering. He further relates [Page] sundry like stories which he had heard of these pedlers of reliks, S. Anthonies Questors, as namely that their maner was to heat their litle crosses or brazē images whilest the good wife went into the garner or celler to fetch them somthing, and at her returne would make her kisse the crosse or image, and when she felt it hote, they would exceedingly terrifie and affright her, saying, that their Lord Saint Anthony thereby shewed that he was not well pleased with her almes: whereupon the silly soule would go back again to fetch them more, and by that time the image would be well cooled; which they would say was a signe that S. Anthony was appeased. He writeth also in the same place of a li [...]e knauish part played in Italy a litle before (viz. about the yeare 1530.) by one of the same craft, and seruant to the same maister, viz. how that this boute-feu being angry for that the poore labourer with whō he wrought, would giue him nothing for his paines, set fire on the house where his kine stood, which burnt not only that part, but all the rest of the building besides, and all the goods therein; making them beleeue that it came by a miracle wrought by S. Anthony ▪ but for all his cunning and knauery, the truth was afterward known. He further addes a very notable story recorded by many of another of S. Anthonies treasurers, who burnt a poore womans peece of cloth, making the world beleeue that it came by S. Anthonies meanes, who did it to the end he might be reuenged of her; which hapned (as he saith) in the country of Vaux, but as others affirme in Calabria. The story is told thus: One of S. Anthonies treasurers trauelling through the country (with a good fellow who led the Asse which caried the wallet) passed by a butchers house, where, as soone as his man had rung the bell, the good wife forthwith opened the doore, and hauing let them in, went to fetch them a peece of flesh: in the meane while this false Frier hauing marked two faire swine playing together vpon the dunghill, turning him at her returne toward his knauish companion, said, Is it not great pitie that these two swine should die so suddenly▪ The poore woman listening to his speech, questioned further with him thereof. Wherupon the ghostly father said vnto her, My good sister I can say nothing, but that I am very sory that these two swine should die so suddenly, and there is no man liuing that can perceiue it, except he be in the fauour of blessed S. Anthony: howbeit there were some hope, if I had but two of the acornes which our Priour halloweth euery yeare. The woman holding vp her hands, besought him to giue her some of them, promising not to be vnmindfull of that good turne. He then casting his eie vpon his seruant (who attended vpon this trash and gaine of the wallet) asked him if he had any of the acornes left, which hee gaue at the village whence they came last? The fellow hauing sought a good while, answered that he could find but two, which he said he kept for their Asse which was often sicke: Though our Asse should die (quoth he) yet must we pleasure this good woman, whom I know to be well affected to our order. Meane while looking with a couetous leering eye at a peece of cloth which lay hard by, (continuing his speech) he said, My good sister, I am so perswaded of your liberalitie, that you will not deny me a peece of linnen cloth for the poore sicke folke of our Couent. She forthwith offered him linnen cloth or what he would demaund, so he would speedily remedy that euill. Then taking these two acornes in his hand, he called for a vessell full of water, and cast therein a little salt; and putting off his cowle, began to patter ouer a number of shor [...] prayers (his man still answering Amen, and the good wife with her children being solemnly all the while vpō their knees;) and hauing ended his deuotions, he beat the acornes to powder, and cast them into the water▪ and stirring them together like a mash, gaue them the swine to drinke, making many crosses, and [Page] pronouncing as many blessings ouer their backes, euer calling vpon the good Baron S. Anthony for assistance in this miracle. This done, he told her that her swine were in no danger. She therefore to make good her promise, changed her peece of cloth for the grand mercies of this ghostly father. But the good man of the house (her husband) coming home shortly after, and hearing of all this pageant, as also how his cloth was an actor therein: taking two or three of his gossips with him ranne after them. The Frier seeing them comming a farre off with staues vpon their necks, was amazed like a cutpurse taken in the fact▪ howbeit he thought it his best course to take an house (which was somwhat neare) into which his man ran, and secretly conueyed thence two quicke coales, which he folded vp in the cloth: and hauing so done, they passed on their way, as though they mistrusted nothing. Anone the butcher ouertooke him, and laying hold of his hood (after a rude and rough manner) asked him for his cloth, calling him theefe, with many other threatning words. Sir quoth the Frier (very mildly) You shall haue it with all my heart; and God forgiue you this wrong you offer me, in taking that from mee which was giuen me in recompence of a great good turne done at your house: it grieueth me not that you take away my cloth, yet I trust the glorious Baron Saint Anthony will worke some wonder, and that shortly, to teach you how you intreat the faithfull seruants and friends of God. The butcher nothing regarding vaine words, returned backe, very iocund that he had gotten his cloth againe. Howbeit he was not gone a bow shoote from the Frier, but he smelt the burning of some thing, and saw a smoke round about him; whereat he and his fellowes were so amazed, that they cast downe the cloth, and cried aloud, S. Anthony the hermite, S. Anthony of Padua. Which when the Frier and his varlet heard, they came running to them like slie merchants with demure countenances; his man presently putting out the fire, and the Frier discharging a number of blessings ouer the heads of these simple suppliants (being on their knees) instantly crying him and the good Saint mercy, till they were euen hoarse withall. These things thus p [...]ssed ouer, he caried them to the parish Church to Masse, where the cloth being vnfolded and well viewed (for so the story saith) it was solemnly auowed for a miracle. And it was inioyned the poore butcher in way of penance, to accompany the Frier throughout all Calabria to witnesse this wonder; who by this meanes did not onely recouer his cloth againe, but gathered a round summe of money (euery man thinking himselfe happie that gaue him any thing:) whereas the poore butcher lost not only his cloth, but was further endomaged as well with the expence of his iourney as the intermission of his trade.

19 From Calabria I will passe ouer into France, a countrey second to none in fertilitie of false miracles: and will begin with Pudding Saint Peter in the countrey of Berry, of whom this story is recorded. A priests maid (to speake with reuerence) hauing powred swines blood into a great latin basin, (which had the Image of Saint Peter embossed in it, and wherinto the Curate was wont to put his offerings, & to set it for a shew vpon the Altar;) it happened on a time that a drop of blood was perceiued vpon Saint Peters face; about which the Curate made no small ado, not forgetting (among other ceremonies) to ring the bels, as for a most certaine and excellent well qualified miracle. Which caused all the neighbour parishes round about, to meete there at procession; which when his fellow Curat perceiued, (being moued with enuie) he made such diligent inquirie, that he foūd how that certaine drops of blood which the Curats maid had put into the basin, were fallen into the concauitie or hollownesse of the embossing, where it was not [Page] closely ioyned to the place, which being congealed and frozen, continued vntil the thaw; and then running downe, were seene vpon Saint Peters face, which gaue occasion to the rumour, that Saint Peter wept bloudy teares: which rumour (the knauery being well knowne) was afterward turned into a matter of meriment and mockage of poore Saint Peter, who for this accident was euer after called Pudding Saint Peter.

20 And to parallele it with one other like example (before I leaue this country) In the Church belonging to the Castle without Bourges, it happened that a Bird (some say a Pigeon) bleeding of a wound, [...]ested herselfe vpon the head of our Lady of Colwort, so that some of the blood ranne downe her face. And then who for a penny could cry the loudest, a miracle, a miracle. But when the kings Lieutenant had caused the head to be looked vpon and searched, the feathers of a bird and some of her blood were found in the crannies and hollownesse of the Image; whereupon the miracle which had bene before cryed so loud, was cryed downe againe as fast.

21 I haue also heard of one of our Ladies (called our new Lady) who being miraculously discouered, wrought many miracles, at leastwise they made her beleeue that she did them. They had hidde her in a hollow vault vnder the grasse which they watered with salt water, which by the grasing of the kine in that place, was discouered.

22 The deceit also of the Rood of Mu [...]e [...] by Tholouze hath bin very famous. For they made this Crucifixe beleeue (about thirtie yeare ago) that it wept, and did many miracles vpon the lame, the blind, and such like impotent persons, in curing such infirmities as surpassed the Art of Physicke. There are two opinions touching the distilling of the water out of the Crucifix eyes, which they call tears. Some say it was done by water mixed with oyle; others, that it was by the branch of a vine thrust into the head of the Rood, at what time it putteth out the sap, or weepeth, as others speake. But the miracle continued longer then that season, and therefore though this deuice might serue them for that time, yet it was necessary they should find out some other for the time to come.

23 These were the meanes which they vsed to bring a Crucifix or Saint into credit: but to the end it might hold the credit it had got, and increase it the more, they suborned certain sturdy beggers to coūterfeit the lame or the blind, or to fain that they had bene dangerously diseased, and afterward cured thereby. Sometime they vsed this as a meanes onely to make their Saint famous: of which kind of cosenage we haue sundry examples, three of which come now to my minde. The first is of Saint Renaud at Paris in the suburbs of our Lady of the fields, whom the Fryers of that Couent would needs make beleeue that he was become a Saint and the powerfullest wonder-worker within 50. miles of his head. For effecting wherof, they suborned certaine crafty knaues, to whom they had giuen the watch word to counterfeit the lame, the blind, &c. One of which affirmed that he was borne blind: who after he had taken many friskes in leaping vp and downe, cryed a miracle, a miracle, for that he was restored to his sight. At which words a certaine goodfellow who lay in the wind to watch his oportunity to discouer this abuse, hearing him say, he had recouered his sight, shewed him the coloured lyning of his coate, and said: If thou neuer sawest in all thy life, and now seest (which I can hardly beleeue,) Tell me, what colour is this? The counterfeit told him presently what colour it was, in the hearing of them all. The man hauing him where he would, said: See here my masters, if he could neuer see before, how can he iudge of colours? [Page] By which policy this abuse was detected. The 2. is of thē who faining the falling sicknes (called S. Iohns euil) went to him vpon his festiual day, & hauing fomed much with crying, ô Iohn, Iohn, Iohn, about his shrine or the place where he stood, made the word beleeue that they were cured. In which was a manifest & impudēt deceit: sith they which haue the falling sicknesse neither speake a word nor moue a finger. The third is of the miracles wrought in Venice, about thirteene yeares ago, by a Monke called Fra Matthio (as I remember) who was almost as soone vncanonized as canonized▪ to whom beggers and rogues came flocking thicke and threefold, some counterfaiting the lame, others the blind; some faining themselues sicke of the palsie, others that they had lost the vse of their limmes, and others some other infirmitie: which counterfait companions came not thither for nothing, for they were well rewarded for their labour by the canonizing Monks. Oh (would some say at their returne) how do I feele my selfe eased of my paine? Another▪ that he was as whole as a fish, and as sound as a bell, &c. Howbeit, this pageant was not plaid without great murmur: for many that went thither to see this imposture (of which number my selfe was one) could not but speake what they thought, pitying the simple seduced people; who perceiuing not that these vagabonds were suborned, were fully perswaded that this false Fryer was become a worker of wonders after his death. True it is indeed, he was in his life time accounted a very holy mā: & therfore the people were more easily induced to beleeue that which was reported of his working of wonders. Among other things, I heard this reported of him, that he would inueigh mightily against the Court of Rome, when the toy tooke him in the head, and vse Dyogenick-like dealing in scoffing and censuring those that came within his walke. And I remember what captaine Franchot related to the now deceased Odet de Selue (then Ambassadour for the French king to the state of Venice) concerning this gentle Sir Iohn. I bade (said he) this Frier to dinner one time in Lent, that he might serue as a fiddle to the company which I had inuited: (for I knew he could [...]east and sport when it pleased him,) who needing no great entreatie, came at the time appointed, and being set downe at table which was furnished with kiddes and sundry sorts of stued meates, (as the maner is at Rome) plyed his trencher and filled his panch aswell as any in the company, not shewing the least dislike. True it is, we perceiued he chopt it vp apace, as though he had bene in great hast, as well appeared afterward: for he had made an end of dinner long before vs, & rising frō the table, left vs still at meate: & he was no sooner in the street, but we might heare one cry with opē mouth. The diuell take all those that eate flesh in Lent: or, they shall all go to the diuell. Allo inferno tutti quelli chi mangiano carne la quaresima; whose voice we thought was very like the Friers, howbeit we could not imagine it should be he, considering that in crying out against such as had eaten flesh in Lent, he should haue exclaimed against himselfe also. But as we looked out at the window, we might perceiue that it was he indeed. And, which doth more aggrauate his fact, the more he was intreated to be silent, the more clamorous he was; so that we could deuise no other meanes to make him hold his peace, but by threatning to beate him. The captaine hauing ended his narration, other like stories were reported of him, suting the former in all points: by which we might well perceiue what humour it was that caused him to procure the foresaid canonization.

24 Moreouer, I remember I haue heard of many false miracles about restoring of children to life, which were stil borne, at leastwise to some sense and feeling, till such time as they had bene baptised. And verily, it was the easiest matter of a thousand, for the Clergie to make the poore people beleeue what they thought [Page] good: for according to the common saying, It is an easie matter to deceiue him that thinketh no hurt. And what great conscience they made to thinke amisse of any thing they either said or did, yea to iudge that the knauery of the Clergy (though notoriously knowne) was plaine knauery, may wel appeare by sundry places of this booke, and namely by that which hath bene spoken in this chapter. Notwithstanding here is yet a further point to be noted concerning the false miracles wrought by these impostors: how that they vsed sometimes the help of charmes; and sometimes againe dazeled the eyes of the simpler sort by diabolicall illusions. Now he that would see examples of such iuggling (to omit that which hath bene already alleadged) shall finde store of them in the booke of Conformities so often before alleadged) where we find so many to haue bene cured by S. Francis and his disciples, and raised from death to life, that (if it were so indeed) we might well say they had all miracles at commaund: and that to worke a miracle (and namely to raise the dead) was as easie a matter as to drinke when one is drie. For what could not he do, whose frock (or cowle) was such a worker of wonders, that it gaue sight to three blind folkes, one man and two women? And how miraculously Friers breeches made womens bellies (which were naturally barren) to swel and tympanize, not so much as little children but haue heard thereof: and verily such actions are there registred for miracles, that a man would thinke the diuel had employed all his charmes, sorceries and illusions therein.

25 To this knauery we may adde the imposture formerly mentioned, practised by those hucksters who made the world beleeue, that the bones of the first malefactor they met withall (for want of better) were the miraculous bones of such or such a Saint; which they call relikes. And because there is a notable example of this kind of cousinage, witnessed euen by Popelings themselues (of which as yet no mention hath bene made) I will here insert it. But forasmuch as I haue heard it told otherwise then Boccace hath recorded it (albeit the difference be in the circumstance and not in the substance) I will relate it both wayes, leauing the Reader to his choice. And first I will tell it as I heard it. A pedler of Popish wares hauing pawned his relikes in a tauerne, and being not able to redeeme them, bethought himselfe of this deuice. He tooke vp a coale in the presence of his hostesse, of whom he had borrowed the money, wrapping it vp in a faire linnen cloth. Whereat she began to mocke and make merry. Why hostesse (quoth he) what is the matter? do you indeed make a mocke at my coale? I will make you kisse it for all this before it be night. Whereupon she would needs wager with him, that he could not make her kisse it. Well then (quoth he) let the wager be for so much as I owe you, vpon condition that if I winne you shall deliuer me my relikes againe. The bargaine being agreed vpon, this gentle Frier (whose wit was not gone of wool-gathering) went to the Church, where he told the people that he would not shew them the relikes he was wont to shew them, but one farre more precious: and therewith vnfolding his faire cloth, he shewed them his coale, saying, My good friends, do you marke this coale? I tell you it is one of those coales, vpon which the glorious martyr S. Laurence was broyled; and it hath a certaine secret property; for no maide that hath lost her virginitie, nor any houswife that hath broken the bond of matrimony, may come neare to kisse it: for if they do, they wil be in great danger. He had no sooner spoken the words, but there was great thronging about him; she thinking her selfe happiest which could first come to kisse it: euery silly soule, both maid and matron desiring to sh [...]w openly that their consciences did not accuse them secretly. His hostesse on the one side well perceiuing [Page] that if she kissed it her wager was lost; and knowing on the other side, that if she did not, she should be suspected to haue playd her husband a slippery touch, & should not be beleeued though she made neuer such report of the wager which she had layd; went after all the rest, & kissed this fooles bable. By this deuice this iolly Frier redeemed his relikes without disbursing one penny, and increased moreouer the number of them, by adding this vnto the old. Menot the Franciscan, whose testimony we need not to suspect (considering he was made of the same mould, a Frier of the same fry) toucheth this story but by the way, yet he agreeth with me in this circumstance, that the relikes were left in the tauerne: his words are these: Fol. 41. col. 4. Dic de illis qui reliquias suas in taberna perdiderunt, & stipitem inuentum in sudario, loco reliquiarum suarum, dixerunt esse quo beatus Laurentius combustus fuerat. And now you shall heare it as Boccace hath it, but more briefly, yet so as I will not omit that which may make for the vnderstanding of the papisticall style, which these Frier dockers obserue. One of S. Anthonies religious pigs, called Frier Onion, being accustomed to go to a village by Florence (called Certald) once a yeare to gather almes, went one Sunday morning into the chiefe Church, where both towne & country was met to heare Masse: who when he saw his time, began in this sort: My masters and dames, you haue bin accustomed of your speciall loue and fauor, to send euery yeare to the poore which belong to my Lord Baron S. Anthony, both wheate and oates, some more, some lesse, euery man according to his abilitie and deuotion: that blessed S. Anthony should keepe your bullocks, asses, swine & sheep. Besides, you were wont (those especially that are written in our fraternitie) to pay that small dutie which they pay once only in the yeare. For gathering vp of which things my Lord Abbot hath sent me; and therefore see ye misse not to come in the afternoone into the Church-yard (when you heare the bels ring) where according to the custome I wil make you a Sermon, and giue you the crosse to kisse. Moreouer, forasmuch as I know you to be most deuout seruants of my Lord Barō S. Anthony, I wil shew you of my especiall grace and fauor, a most holy & goodly relike which my selfe brought long since frō beyond the seas out of the holy land, being one of the angel Gabriels fethers which he left in the virgin Maries chamber when he saluted her in Nazareth. And hauing thus said, he returned to heare Masse. Now there were two merry cōpanions in the company, who determined to shew this iolly Frier a tricke of conueyance concerning the fether of the Angell Gabriel. For watching their opportunitie, they went and ransacked all his packet of trinkets, amongst which they found a little coffer wrapped vp in taffata, wherein was a fether of a Parrots taile, which he would haue made them beleeue had bene the Angell Gabriels feather: as he might easily haue done without much Rhetoricke; seeing the most of them had not onely not seene it, but not so much as once heard of any such thing. Now when these good fellowes had taken away the feather (because they would not leaue the coffer empty) they filled it vp with coles. After dinner when the time was come that he should shew this goodly relicke, he called to his man for the trash he had giuen him to keepe, willing him to ring the belles and cal the people together. And when they were assembled, he began his sermon intreating of that which he thought would fit his purpose best in regard of his relick. In the end when he was come to the point to shew it, he first made a solemne and deuout confession, and then (hauing two lighted torches) he tooke off the taffata very gingerly wherein the coffer was wrapped: and speaking in the meane while something in commendation of the Angell Gabriel and of his relicke, he opened it. And perceiuing the tricke which was plaid him (blushing at it no more [Page] then a blacke dog, nor shewing any signe of astonishment) he lifted vp his eyes and hands to heauen, saying, ô God, praised be thy power for euer. That done, he shut his coffer againe, and turning him to the people, said; My Masters and Dames, you are to know, that my superior sent me (when I was a yong man) into the East countrey, and it was giuen me in charge, &c. And making a long discourse of his trauaile, he told them, that the Patriarch of Ierusalem had shewed him (amongst other relicks) a little peece of the holy Ghosts finger, as sound and whole as euer it was: and the snowt of the Seraphin which appeared to Saint Francis: and one of the nailes of the Cherubin, one of the sides of verbum Caro, the abilliments of the holy Catholicke faith: some beames of the starre which appeared to the three kings in the East, and a Phiall-full of the sweat of Saint Michael when he fought with the diuell. These are the relickes which (as he said) the Patriarch shewed him. But behold others which he did not onely shew him, but also giue him. One of the teeth of the holy Crosse, a little of the sound of the b [...]s of Salomons Temple, a feather of the Angell Gabriel, one of the clogs of Saint Gerrard of Gran-ville. Besides all these, I haue (said he) some of the coales whereon the blessed Martyr Saint Lawrence was broyled. All which I haue brought into these parts in great deuotion. Howbeit my superior would neuer suffer me to shew them, till he was fully resolued whether they were true relicks or not. But now being certified, partly by the miracles which haue bene wrought by them, partly by letters from the Patriarch, he hath permitted me to shew them. And because I dare trust none with them, I cary them alwaies about me: and for that I was afraid I should marre the Angell Gabriels feather, I put it in a little boxe, and the coales whereon Saint Lawrence was broyled in another; which boxes are so like one another, that I often take the one for the other, as now it happeneth. For whereas my purpose was to haue brought the boxe wherin the feather was, I brought that wherin the coales were. But I hope there is no hurt herein, sithence it is the will of God it should be so, he hauing put the boxe of coales into my hands. And now I remember the feast of S. Lawrence is to be celebrated within these two daies; and therefore, &c. I leaue the rest to such as desire further information hereof: considering that this story is enriched (as the rest of the same author) but with accustomable lyes, common and ordinary with these false Fryers. For which cause I would not omit them.

26 And thus thou seest (gentle Reader) how their false miracles haue bene discouered and laid open to the sight of the Sunne, as well as their other trumperies. But as blind Bartimaeus saw no more in the cleare Sunne-shine then in a gloomy day, nor at noone-day then at mid-night: so we are to thinke that the silly seduced world had so lost the vse of reason, & was become so sottish and senslesse, so blind and brutish in matters of religion, that none of these grosse abuses though committed before their eyes, were once perceiued by them. For it is well knowne how the heady multitude would breake forth into plaine murmuring and mutinie against those that durst say, that that which they held to be a miracle, was but a iuggling tricke of a quacksaluing mountebanke, albeit it had bene discouered by the Magistrate of the place. Nay, they haue growne to harder termes; euen to breake open the prison doores where these companions were kept in hold; yea after the knauery was detected. And here we are to remember that which I touched before, how that that which should haue serued them as a crystall, wherein they might haue seene their cunning conueyance, was so handled by them, that it was a meanes to keepe them still in their former darknesse. And as they were as blind as beetles, so were they as deafe as dore nailes: for we know what a siluer trumpet [Page] Martin Luther was (to say nothing of Wickleffe, Iohn Hus, Ierome of Prague, and the like his predecessours) and yet the shrill sound thereof spent it selfe and vanished away in the ayre, and was neuer able to pierce their eares of a long time, they were so thicke of hearing. But in the end, the Lord who had sent this his trumpeter, charmed these deafe adders in such sort, that he caused them to lend their patient eare. But how (may some say) could churchmen maintaine thēselues since the sounding of this alarme; especially since the coming of Antichrist was proclaimed through the world, and that little children could see their knaueries, and touch them (as it were) with their fingers? For answer whereunto, let posteritie know (how euer they may wonder to heare it) that they haue kept their kitchins hot, and fed themselues fat by other meanes. For when they perceiued that the truth of God made open warre against them, and that it got ground of them by little and little, winning from them now one peece, now another: they shewed themselues no lesse cruell and currish, fell and furious against those that stood in defence thereof (if once they fell into their clouches) then the Lion or Tygre, nay then the Lionesse doth against those that rob her of her whelpes, as shall be declared in the Chapter following.

CHAP. XL. Wherein is declared how that after posteritie shall haue wondered at the long continued folly of Popish practises and abuses, it wil further wonder how the open discouering of them should haue cost so many men their liues, who were persecuted by the Cleargie: and will iudge this story no lesse strange then sundry recorded by Herodotus.

IN the time of our Ancestors, whilest the folly of the former abuses was in the ruffe, the Cleargie not content to be reuerenced and adored of the poore people, to haue their purses at command when they thought good, and to terrifie them with their excommunications, came to this passe, euen to set their feete in their neckes, not as it is commonly said by a figuratiue speech, but really and indeed. Nay, one of their Popes was not ashamed to set his foote in the Emperours necke. For it is a knowne and famous history (neither hath it bin forgotten by those that haue written the liues of Popes) how that Alexander the third hauing commanded the Emperour Fredericke to prostrate himselfe, and aske him pardon for his offence (before a multitude of people, in Saint Marks Church at Venice,) the Emperour at his commaund kneeled downe; whereupon this gentle Pope, setting his foote vpon his throte (or as some say, in his neck) said, It is written, thou shalt walk vpon the Aspe and the Basiliske, the yong Lion and the Dragon shalt thou tread vnder thy feete. The Emperour highly offended at this so great contempt and outrage, answered, I do not this to thee, but to Saint Peter. Then he treading vpon him the second time, said, [...]oth to me, and to Saint Peter. Now here it is to be noted, that the chiefe cause of this Emperours coming, was, that he might be absolued from the Popes excommunication. Further, we reade how that the Venetians sent an Embassadour to Pope Clement the fift, called Francis Dandalus, to intreate for absolution from the Popes excommunication (for he had excommunicated them againe and againe, and cursed them with bell, booke and candle; and (not content to thunder out all [Page] sorts of Ecclesiasticall censures) had caused the Croysado to be published against them in Italy.) But he refused to absolue them, till that the Embassadour (in way of honorable satisfaction) had put a dogges coller about his necke, and therewith had crept vpon all foure, the length of the great hall in the pallace of Auinion: for which fact he was euer after at Venice called dog. The said Pope walking vpon a time through the citie of Bogenci, vpon the riuer Loyre, in great pomp, had (amongst others) for his attendants, or rather seruing-men and lackeys, the King of England and the King of France, one vpon his right hand, and another on his left; one of them leading his horse by the bridle. We reade also how the foresaid Emperour Fredericke attended vpon Pope Adrian the fourth (this mans predecessor) like a blew-coate; at least, that he held him the stirrop when he lighted off his horse, by the same token, that in lieu of this so great humility, he got nothing but a frumpe for his labour, and that by the Pope himselfe, for holding the left stirrop in stead of the right. With which flout the Emperour being somwhat moued, said, I was neuer brought vp in such a trade: and thou art the first on whom I haue thus attended. And what arrogant speeches vsed Boniface the eight to King Philip the faire, when he made no bones to tell him, that by reason of his disobedience and contumacy, the kingdome of France was fallen into the lapse, and deuolued to the Church of Rome? The said Pope hauing his sword by his side, was not ashamed to brag and boast of himselfe (hauing refused now the third time to giue to Albert Duke of Austria the title of Emperour of Germany) that himselfe forsooth was Emperour, and Lord of all the world.

2 And sutable to that which hath bene said of the excommunication of Fredericke the Emperour by Pope Alexander the third, that is to be noted which Machiauel saith, that Popes become great by three things, by excommunications, by pardons, by weapons; yea so great, that whereas in times past they were subiect to Kings in ciuill causes, now they are aboue them, and take vpon them to command them. For it is to be obserued, that by reason of their pardons or indulgences they were worshipped as gods, and gathered Peters pence apace: by reason of excommunication they were feared; whereof we may see infinite examples in the liues of Popes. And these words thunderbolt and thundering helped them well to play their parts with those who tooke the Pope to be the man whom he affirmed himselfe to be. Yet I will not say, but that they haue inriched themselues by their excommunications. For as they forbad the vse of sundry things, to the end men might buy dispensations: so they excommunicated men to the end they might buy absolutions. As we reade how the foresaid Emperour Fredericke bought his absolution of Pope Gregory the ninth, at the price of an hundred thousand ounces of gold. But what shall we say to Boniface the eight, who not content to excommunicate the French King according to the vsual manner, excommunicated him and all his to the fourth generation? By which we may perceiue how at their pleasure they trod Kings and Emperours (as well as meaner men) vnder their feete, openly mocking at the Lombard-like patience and sottishnesse of the world. For what colourable excuse or pretence could his Holinesse haue to excommunicate a man with all his posteritie to the fourth generation? The like mockage vsed the foresaid Pope, when to spite the forenamed King Philip the faire, he nullified all the indulgences granted to the French by his predecessors. For had these pardons had such vertue in them as they were supposed to haue, they should haue deliuered many millions of soules out of Purgatory: whereas being manifested to be but trumperies & meere nullities, it should follow that these poore soules were to returne back [Page] into Purgatory againe. As a malefactor who hauing got out of prison by meanes of the Princes pardon, if it so fall out that his pardon be reuersed or repealed, there is no remedy, he must be cast into prison againe.

3 Further, we may see how men excommunicate were driuen to despaire, and what cruell reuenge was taken of the Laitie for offending and wronging the Cleargie, by a story recorded in the life of Honorius the third, where it is said, that Anno 1223. Adam Bishop of Cathnes in Scotland, being burned in his own kitchin by some of his diocesse, for excommunicating certaine of them, because they paid not their tenths: this Pope was neuer at quiet till for this one he had hanged foure hundred of them, and gelded their children. Which history (to omit other particulars) shewes into what a desperate case poore soules were driuen by this meanes. For it is not probable that they which did so handle their Bishop (who had excommunicated them) would haue broken out into so great outrage, but that formerly they had bene instant suppliants and importunate suiters for an absolution; which being denied, caused them to fall into this mad mood.

4 Consider now (gentle Reader) how these Antichrists made all the world to tremble vnder them: for if any shal reply and say, that al Church-men were neither Popes nor Prelates, to keepe the people in such aw, and to be so much feared: I shall desire him to remēber what the prouerbe saith, De grand maistre, hardy valet. A great lord, a bold seruant; which (if I be not deceiued) hath bene more truly verified, and better practised by thē, then by any men in the earth. For hardly durst a man looke a paltry priest in the face, for the great reuerence and respect which was had of our holy mother the Church. Besides, it is to be obserued that their Lord and Maister did not reserue the thunderbolt of excōmunication to himselfe alone, but affoorded it them, when and as often as they stood in need: which they so little spared, that for halfe a quart d'escu, yea for a matter of three pence (as Menot saith) they would not stick to excōmunicate poore men, who were therupon driuen to despaire, as thinking themselues to be damned. And because the place in Menot serueth so fitly for this purpose, I will here insert it. He saith therefore fol. 143. col. 4. ‘He that is excommunicated, is forsaken of God, and giuen vp into the power of all the diuels in hell: and therefore it is a great and grieuous sinne to put such a sharpe sword into the hand of a foolish Prelat, seeing it is no small matter to send a man to the diuell. Sutable hereunto a Caualier said vpon a time to one of our order: Softly father, I would gladly be resolued of you in a difficult point: I cannot sufficiently wonder at the dealing which is practised at this day in the Church, in that we secular men send those whom we cut off with the stroke of iustice to heauen: you Church-men send them straight to the diuell. I will shew you how: when we condemn any man to death (which he hath iustly deserued) before we send him to the gallows, we procure some good man to shriue him, and when he is led to the place of execution, we comfort him and put him in good hope, and labor by all meanes to work him to a good dispositiō, that so he may dye in a good mind: whereas you Clergy-men (who haue the cure, and should haue the care of mens soules) for three single pence, or an old paire of shooes, send a man soule and body, cloathes and all to the diuell: such great zeale you haue of the saluation of our soules. To which this ghostly father (as he confessed to me) could not answer him with al his diuinitie, seeing his conscience told him that he spake nothing but the very truth: & he is yet to take counsell of his pillow what answer to make him.’ If this poore Franciscan was constrained to cōfesse thus much, (who had affirmed a little before, that all that were excommunicated by Priests, were no longer vnder [Page] the protection of God, nor in the bosome of the Church, but were deliuered vp to Sathan, in such sort, that euen vpon good Friday, when men pray not onely for Christians, but also for Iewes, Pagans, and other infidels, they pray not for them.) If (I say) his conscience inforced him to cōfesse this, in what a pitiful plight (may we thinke) were they, ouer whom they did so tyrannize, by terrifying them with the thunderbolt of excommunication?

5 And no maruell if they stood in such feare to be excommunicated by a Priest, considering the opinion which they had of them (which was often beaten into their heads:) I meane the opiniō which they had of their power & authority: for they would not sticke to say, Potestas Mariae maior est potestate Angelorum, non tamen potestate sacerdotum. Which sentence is alleadged by Menot, fol. 107. And God knowes what goodly lying legends they alleadged to proue the power, dignitie and greatnesse of Priests. As when Barelete recordeth fol. 247. col. 3. that after that the Emperour Constantine had bene baptized, he sent backe two Priests which came to him for the deciding of a controuersie which was betwixt them, and that he should say vnto them, It belongs not to me to iudge them that are my gods. And what would we more? when they apply sundry places of Scripture to their shauelings, which were written of Christ himselfe: neither herewith content, forge sundry fables touching the strange torments inflicted vpon those that had any way wronged or offended Church-men, or had called them by any terme worse then their names. And as for Priests, their shauen crowne (which might not be touched vpon paine of excōmunication) exempted them frō the iurisdiction & authoritie of the secular power (yea of Kings and Emperours themselues) by many priuiledges of their Popes; in such sort, that certaine theeues (as histories report) would needs be shauen in the Priests cut, that if they were taken, they might be sent to their competent Ecclesiasticall Iudges, that is, might escape and be set at libertie as themselues thought good. Notwithstanding, euen those Church-men which had not their crownes shaued, but onely some lesser marke and character of the beast, would boast and bragge of this priuiledge of exemption from secular power.

6 And touching their cosening conueyances, it is no maruell if they were so plunged therein ouer head and eares, considering the feare they were in of being excommunicated, if they did but once entertaine any thing tending to the preiudice of the least ceremony established or receiued in their religion. Besides, they terrified them with the feare of certaine torments which they were to suffer in Purgatory or in hell, according to the qualitie of their sinnes. As we reade in the booke of Conformities of Saint Francis with Christ, of a man who hauing but once omitted to make a legge at Gloria Patri, did vndergo most cruell paine in Purgatory. They also alleadged examples of certaine punishments which haue bene inflicted vpon men in this life: of which sort we reade of one very ridiculous aboue the rest, viz. that in the daies of Pope Iohn the one and twentieth, it was blazed a broad ouer all Saxony, that there were certaine which neuer ceased dancing a whole yeare together without intermission (by vertue of a curse wherewith the priest had blessed them) because they honoured not the breaden god which he caried about with him.

7 We may also perceiue how the poore people were nuzzled in ignorance, by that which at the first they made them beleeue concerning the Lutherans (as they tearme them:) for they were so farre from letting them vnderstand that they were like vnto other men, and that they had no hornes, that they were such as had [Page] bene baptized, and armed themselues with texts of holy Scripture against the Church of Rome: as that they made them beleeue, that in shape and figure they differed from other men, that they made a mocke of God and all religion, that they had wiues common; and in a word, that they were worse then Iewes, Turkes or Saracens. It is further to be noted, that a great part of the simple people knew not of a long time, whether a Lutheran were the name of a man or of a beast. For it is reported of one who being called a Lutherā, asked his friend what this name Lutheran meant, who told him that it was a disease ten times worse then the Leprosie: which he did so firmly beleeue, that falling sicke not long after, he sent his state to the Physitian, with this commandement, that they should enquire of him, if he were not a Lutheran?

8 But at the last when their trumperies were so layd open, and their iuggling tricks so well discouered, that euen litle children could laugh them to scorne, it was necessary for them to deuise some other meanes whereby to maintain themselues. For how the Cleargie terrified men with the thunderbolt of excommunication (when as they of the same religion feared it no more then a childs rattle, or the cracke of a pot-gun) may appeare by the Emperour Charles the fift (who was not only a fauorer but also a defender thereof.) for being menaced with excommunication by Pope Paulus the third, if he would not yeeld vp Playsance into his hands (after the death of Peter Lewis,) he let him vnderstand by his Embassadour, that he would thunder and lighten with his canons and artilery, if he wold needs be thundring with his excommunications. What meanes then vsed they (may we thinke) to stop vp the light of the truth, that it might not preuaile against the darknesse of their lying legends? Verily the same that we find registred of Phalaris, Busiris, Nero and such of the like strain. But what do I compare them with these gentle tyrants? For they neuer thought of the tenth part of the cruelties which these hel-hounds haue practised against those that maintained the truth, and armed themselues with the word of God to vphold his credit and cause: for they chopped Logicke with them, and answered them againe with fire and sword, and all kind of torments: and in so doing were both parties and iudges; taking it to heart as a matter that did sit very neare them, because they foresaw that this light which some laboured to giue entrance vnto, wold in the end put out the great fire of their greasie kitchin. And it was but lost labor to alleadge Scripture against them: for their bellies (which made buttons already for feare of paying their interest) had no cares, as wee know no mans belly hath, according to the common saying. One brother was moued to accuse another, the wife to accuse her husband, the husband the wife; parents to appeale their owne children, yea to be their tormentors, hang-men and executioners, for default of others. They of the Inquisition (as they are called) had their spies abroad in all quarters, to whom they gaue the watchword. No witnesses might be refused though neuer such theeues, murderers, malefactors (nay contrarily they often escaped scotfree in recompence of their false depositions.) They gaue their word to such as were accused or suspected, to the end they might toule them in, but thought it a sinne to keepe promise with them, alleadging for themselues this goodly text, Haereticis fides non est seruanda. Others were euen halfe dead before they came into the tormentors hands, comming forth of dungeons where they had bene encountred by toades and such like vermine: yea sometimes they came old men out of prison, who were yong when they went in. They that caried alms to the prisoners, were permitted to relieue all, saue those that were imprisoned for matter of religion. And he that said, he pitied them, was in great danger, though [Page] he had no more pitie of them then of a dog. Whereupon I remember a staffe of a dozen verses made by a learned man endowed with rare gifts, which yet do flourish in him, in which regard he is greatly beloued of the godly, and extremely hated of the wicked.

Liset monté dessus sa mule

Trouue vn pourceau demi brulé:

Tout so [...]dain sa beste recule.

Comme s'ell'en [...]ust appellé:

En fin, tant y [...]ut reculé,

Que monsieur Liset en piquant,

Parcillement & quant & quant

Trencha vn chemi [...] tout nouueau.

Vicil pourri au rouge museau,

Deshonneur du siecle où nous sommes,

Ta beste a pitié d'vn porceau,

Et tu n'as point pitié des hommes.

That is,

Liset mounted on his moyle,

As he went along the way,

Came where an hog on burning lay.

His mule began straight to recoile,

As if she did the fact detest,

Or fear'd to hurt her fellow beast.

So long, so farre she backward fled,

That Liset spurd her till she bled.

Yet still perforce she drew him backe,

Vntill he tooke another tracke.

Thou measell wretch, with sauce-fleume face,

Of this our age the iust disgrace:

Thy beast cannot abide an hog should bren,

And yet thou tak'st no ruth on liuing men.

And now that we are speaking of Liset, what will posterity say (thinke we) when they shall heare of a burning chamber? We may assure our selues it will be diuersly construed. The greater part (no doubt) will iudge it to be the name of some chamber in hell, at leastwise in our Ancestors Purgatory. I omit to speake of cruelties practised in secret, as also of the confiscation of the goods of the condemned, and often of those that were not condemned, yea sometimes of such as were not so much as accused (so easie a matter it was to arraigne and condemne them.) Notwithstanding, I may not with silence passe ouer a kind of cruelty, which I am perswaded Phalaris himselfe would haue wondered at, viz. that they inflicted the last and greatest torment vpon them by fire (as Phalaris did,) but first they cut out their tongues, bereauing them of the ease they might haue by speech, which Phalaris permitted to those whom he tormented: and not so only, but hauing cut out their tongues, they gagged them, that so they might make no noise at all, but be as mute as fishes. Neither was it safe for any to say, they pitied them, or to make any shew or semblance thereof, much lesse to commend the constancy of those who had the meanes left them to manifest it in the middest of their torments.

9 Now when I say that they vsed such and such cruelty, it doth not thereupon follow but that greater is practised at this day. But it is because this cruell persecution [Page] is not so vniuersall: seeing there is not in some places (God be thanked) wood enough to be found, to continue the fires of former times. For our Sauiour hath giuen the same vertue to the ashes of these Martyrs, which some affirme to be in the ashes of the Phoenix, and that in farre greater measure: seeing the ashes of a Phoenix ingender but a Phoenix: whereas the ashes of a faithfull seruant of Christ breedeth and bringeth forth a number of others.

10 Now then let posteritie iudge (which can better iudge without partiality or passion) whether Herodotus do record any folly so strange and extreamly foolish as the forenamed, practised and endured by those who haue so long lent their eares (and do euen at this day) to such abuses. And on the other side, whether he report any thing halfe so strange or incredible as this, viz. that the detecting of such abuses (like to yong childrens sport) should cost so many thousand men their liues. To conclude, I beseech God in the name of his sonne Iesus Christ our Lord, that posterity (to whom I appeale as to my competent Iudge) may neuer see such abuses as these be, otherwise then in paper, as here they are to be seene.

Finis coronat opus.

Faults escaped, thus to be amended.

[Page]

Pag. 2 lin. 26. reade, other translation. p. 5 l 41 his p. 6. l. 28. take away, the. l. 4 [...]. lyeth. p. 8. l. 12. but not any. l. 35. not able to beget. l 41. from him. l. 49. Cro [...]sus. p. 10. l. 42 haue giuen. p. 1 [...] l. 4. [...]. p. 19 l. 38. take away, set. p. 22. l. 21. word. p. 24 l. 32. she would. p. 25. l. 33. enforced, to make easie passage. p. 27. l. 10. had liued p. 29. l. 13. against them. l. 35 discourseth. p. 30 l. 8. To. l. 45. with Moores. p. 31. l. 49. his. p. 3 [...]. l. 1. that (to auoid. l. 30. dedita. p. 33. l. 47. first to that. p. 34. l. 11. vsura palliata. p 37. l. 9. take away, all. p. 38. l 34. take away, the. l. 42. take away, the p. 39 l. 27. imprecations. l. 47 so outrage. p. 43. l. 33. the short bu [...]s. p. 45. l. 7 take away you. l. 36. take away, a. l. 37. [...]ali [...]. p 46. l. 16. fol. 35. p. 47. l. 18. take away▪ the. l 41 take away, out. p. 48. l 9. both. p. 49. l 35 are caught. l. 41. in illis. l. 44. qu [...]nch. p. 50 l. 7. they. l. 10. keepe. p. 51 l. 5. setled. l. 6 long ago. l. 36. office. l. 38 He addeth. l. 46 [...]is. p▪ 54. l. 38. take away, [...]hall p. 55. l. 15. would be. pag. 56. l. 42. Cansignore. l. 46. sonnes l. 47. him good cheare. p. 57. l. 37. take away, the. p. 59. l. 5. put out, in times past. l. 46 less [...] restrained. p. [...]0 l. 36. put out, all. p. 61. l. 10. to stirre. p. 63. l 23. perswaded, at the last. l. 28 put out, to. l. 37. a punishment. p. 6 [...]. l. 38. put out, but. p. 66. l. 14. in these dayes. p. 67. l. 18. ans. p. 68 l. 48. and. l ibid. [...]eate. p. 69. l. 31 companied. p. 70 l. 42. are they. p. 74. l. 8. works. l. 44. put out, mor [...]. p. 75. l. 8. Will. l. 24 it is not▪ p. 77. l. 23. fig [...]. l 25. and. l. 40. his. p. 79. l. 13. put out, it. p. 80. l 25. of all other vices. p▪ 81. l. 13· put out▪ viz pag. 82 l. 7. Cau [...]. p 83. l. 34. he. p. 85. l. 11. at that [...]. l. ibid. into. l. 16. had cried. p. 85. l. 30. runne. pag. 87. l. 7. Iudges l. 28. he knew. pag. 88. l. 34. made. p. 89. l. 17. enow. l. 28. ouer against. l. 42. put out, that. p. 91. l. 5. of many. p. 92. l. 31 watching p. 98. l. 14. that kind. p. 103. l. 47. [...]icke again [...] very softly. p. 106. l. 46 this. p. 1 [...]5 l. 4. too far. p. 116. l. 7. take out, for. l. 9 maids. p. 117. l. 19. opti. p. 118 l. 15. demeanour. l. 27. Marke l. 3 [...]. when. p. 120. l. 22. Hor [...]e. p. 124. l. 42. we may assure. p. 126 l. 16. of the. p. 127 l. 41. but that he. p. 132. l. 21. For the. p. 139.13, lesse. p 141. l 4 murthers. p. 144. l. 43. Selue. p. 156. l. 31. beads. p. 168. l. 29. he saith. p. 174. l. 2. put out. the. p. 175. l. 30. he drew. pag. 183. l. 31. Maidenbradley. l 49. put out, haue. p. 185. l. 9 [...]. p. 188. l. 7. in puris. p. 189. l. 14. the. l. 22. the. p. 196. l. 49. Noyon. p. 198. l. 7. repugnan [...]. p. 203. l. 36 put out, as. p. 210. l. 46. accedet. p. 215. l. 43. death. p. 231. l. 42. should. p. 232. l. 14. like Kings. p. 234. l. 28. put out, the. p. 235. l. 15. Ruffianlike. p. 236. l. 47. decer [...]. p. 237 l. 27. who so shall. p. 238. l 1. Petar. l. 43. lui. p. 242. l. 5. put out, and. p. 246. l 46. Nan. p. 248. l. 5. [...]. p. 252. l. 36. displing. p. 253. l. 431. p. 260. l. 1 [...]. Callistus. p. 264. l. 12. of the booke. p. 265. l. 24. as that. p. 268. l. 21. the. p. 274. l. 46. a supper p. 275. l. 43 put out, the. p. 285. l. 16. the. p. 287. [...]. 42. in. p. 2 [...]0. l 31. should. p. 298. l. 3. serue. p. 300. l. 7. put out. viz.

Information about this book

Title statement

A world of vvonders: or An introduction to a treatise touching the conformitie of ancient and moderne wonders or a preparatiue treatise to the Apologie for Herodotus. The argument whereof is taken from the Apologie for Herodotus written in Latine by Henrie Stephen, and continued here by the author himselfe. Translated out of the best corrected French copie.Apologia pro Herodoto. English

Estienne, Henri, 1531-1598.

Edition statement

1607

Publication

Publisher

Text Creation Partnership,

Place of publication

Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) :

Date

2005-10 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1).

ID [DLPS]

A68037

ID [STC]

STC 10553

ID [STC]

ESTC S121359

ID [EEBO-CITATION]

99856542

ID [PROQUEST]

99856542

ID [VID]

22111

Availability

This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal. The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission.

Series

Early English books online.

Notes

(EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A68037)

Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 22111)

Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 342:4, 787:3)

Source

— A world of vvonders: or An introduction to a treatise touching the conformitie of ancient and moderne wonders or a preparatiue treatise to the Apologie for Herodotus. The argument whereof is taken from the Apologie for Herodotus written in Latine by Henrie Stephen, and continued here by the author himselfe. Translated out of the best corrected French copie., Apologia pro Herodoto. English, Estienne, Henri, 1531-1598., Carew, Richard, 1555-1620, attributed name., R. C., fl. 1607..

Extent

[20], 217, [7], 229-358, [2] p.

Imprinted [by Richard Field] for Iohn Norton,. London :: 1607.. (A translation of: Estienne, Henri. Apologie pour Hérodote.) (Translator's dedication signed: R.C., i.e. Richard Carew?.) (Printer's name from STC.) (The first leaf is blank.) ("The second part of the preparatiue treatise to the Apology for Herodotus" has separate dated title page; register and pagination are continuous.) (With a final errata leaf.) (Identified as STC 10554 on UMI microfilm reel 787.) (Reproductions of the originals in the Henry E. Huntington Library and Art Gallery and the British Library.) (Appears at reel 342 (Henry E. Huntington Library and Art Gallery copy) and at reel 787 (British Library copy).)

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