Much Respected: Did not the Word of God command me, Lev. 19. 17. Heb. 3. 13. Conscience and duty binde me, a zeal of God's glory, and a desire of your eternal good, constrain me: Discretion dictates unto me, that it is better having a friend without trouble, then a foe with it.

Not that you shall have cause to finde fault with it, or with me for it: for I fight not against you, but against your sins; not with you, but with your enemies for you: You have no such foes as your faults, and these are they that I seek to subdue and batter down before you; as well knowing, that unless they die, you cannot live.

Other friends refuse to tell you of your faults, who will be very ready to tell others of them; whereas I speak of your faults to your face, of your virtues behinde your back: and he that loves not such a friend, hates himself. He (saies Solomon) that refuseth instruction, is brutish, Prov. 12. 1. and destroieth his own soul, Chap. 15 32.

When wisdom stretcheth out her hand, and men refuse: then wisdom will laugh at their destruction, Prov. 1. 24. &c. That soul is past cure, which turneth from, and refuseth the cure, Deut. 17. 12. Prov. 29. 1. Psal. 81. 11, 12. Smal hope of that Patient, that is deaf to the counsel of his Physitian.

But I hope better things of you; for admit it prove as welcome to you at present, as water into a Ship, yet when you shall consider, that I have so learnt to distinguish between persons and vices, offenders and offences; as to have no peace with the one, while I have true peace with the other: that I do not so hate, as to be a foe to goodness; nor so love, as to foster iniquity; That he who is a friend to our faults, is no friend to our selves: the case will bee altered; since that to be vices friend, is to be virtues enemie.

True; sore eies cannot abide the light of the Sun: And so long as you love your sins better then your soul, you will scorn my counsel. But if ever your eies be opened as Sauls were, Acts 9. 18. you will say as once David to Abigal, 1 Sam. 25. 32. 33. Blessed be the Lord, and blessed be thy advice, and blessed be thou who hast kept me from doing thus, and thus. Hee that rebuketh a man, shall finde more favour at the length, then he which flattereth with his tongue, Prov. 28. 23. Reprove a scorner, and he will hate thee: but rebuke a wiseman, and he will love thee, Prov. 9. 8. Give instruction to a wiseman, and he will be yet wiser: teach a just man, and he will increase in learning, Ver. 9. And (which makes much for my incouragement) Nathan wrought more upon David, by one private particular admonition, then all the Lectures of the Law could do for three quarters of a year together. And it were happie for millions, were they so plainly dealt withall.

Wherefore be not in the least offended, but love and thank me for my plain dealing, Prov. 28. 23. Yea, if I make you smart, give me the more thanks, love me the better for it. Sharp reprehension is the healing of the soul; and love to the soul, is the very soul of love. And not to chide a friend least wee offend him; is as to let him drown, rather then catch him by the hair. He is shrewdly wronged, that being stung by a Bee, (when asleep) is delivered from a Serpent, which otherwise had stung him to death. The Physitian and Surgeon you know, heal us not without pain, and yet we reward them. And possible it is, I may prove another Photian unto you; who when a friend of his would have cast himself away, suffered him not; saying, I was made thy friend to this purpose. So then, abide me no friend to your faults, or, no friend to your self: And let this serve for an Apologie, as also for a Protection.

Dear Cousin! my love to, and hopes of you formerly were not greater, then is now my fear: for that scarce a day passes, but I hear that of your pride; which both moves me to passion and compassion. Possible it is, that though you make your self the subject of every opinion, wise and weak, and no lesse of their discourse; though you are a wonder amongst fools for your bravery, among wisemen for your folly: yet you may neither hear of it, nor in the least perceive it; high time therefore you be told thereof. If with those Gentiles, Rom. 10. 20. you receive more good by it then you desire, admire the Providence and free grace of God.

Is it a wrong to lay, that you bid defiance to all other Ministers wives? The best Lord Bishops Wife in the Land might not wear a French hood, by Act of Parlament; you do far more, and seem to scorn (not to own) the Function, though too honorable for you.

To speak of particulars; as naked breasts and shoulders, (when in warm weather that was a fashion, though a whorish one) beauty-spots, cut-locks, long trains like a Countess, light coloured gowns and Waste-coats, gold-lace, with other curious and costly laces and attires, fit for none but Ladies: exactness in all new fashions, deifying your Child, your little regard of hearing the Word, (in which you should be an example) and the like, were needlesse; being better known to your self, and more observed by others then me. Though I may more then guesse, how you and your wicked Counsellor, more studie for fashions, then Lawyers do for delaies: yea, your Husband (were he at all consulted with) would finde it as hard a task to cloath you, as Mercury had to cloath the Moon: And it is a sure conclusion, where so great care is had to deck the bodie, there is as great carelesness, and as little regard to adorn the soul with virtue, as Cato speaks. Yea, let conscience say, Whether you be not more careful to preserve your cloaths from dust and spots, then your soul from guilt? Do not you know also, that you honour your Childe more then GOD? as that man of God told Eli touching his sons, 1 Sam. 2. 29. a good way to be rid of him.

Pambo spying a certain woman flaunting it in very sumptuous apparel, fell a weeping; and being asked why he wept so much answered, For two causes; one, the destruction of this woman; another, because I (quoth he) who prosess my self a Christian, do not so much studie to please God by innocencie of life, as this woman does to please the Divel and men with her vanities. I cannot, nor need I stand to apply it.

But see the sottishnesse of pride and vain glory, for pride and follie are vices that ever go together. Wicked men glory in that which is indeed their Shame. Our cloaths are but as a plaister upon a sore. Wickedness brought nakedness, and apparel hides it, Gen. 3. 10, 11. whereof being proud, is as if a Thief should be proud of his halter. Our cloaths are but to cover shame and nakednesse; but as signs of God's displeasure, by reason of Original sin; and to be proud of them, is as if a Prisoner should be proud of his Bolts. Our cloaths are like a Westminster-hall paper, to shew what we have committed which occasioned it, nor had we else needed them. It is as if a Rogue should have his pardon, upon condition that he will ever after wear a rope about his neck: and therefore as one burned in the forehead for some villany, ought so often as hee looketh in a glasse, and perceiveth the scar thereof, to think upon and detest his wickednesse, so ought we.

Again, in glorying in gorgious attire, you make that a matter of pride, that indeed makes you ridiculous: You think your self brave, but no bodie else thinkes you so. Nothing procures love and credit, both with God and man, like humility; nothing hatred and scorn, like pride. Would you have God your friend, or your enemie? you may: for he resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble, James 4 6. 1 Pet. 5. 5. No vice gets a man so many enemies as this vice: not the humble alone, but one proud man hates another: your self loves humilitie in all but your self; as if you did wish well to all souls but your own.

It is a just plague upon Sensualists, they seek for things out of their proper orbs: They seek for reputation in revenge, but alas! that is to be found in patience. It is the glory of a man to passe by an offence, Prov. 19. 11. They seek content in riches, which is, as if one should seek for fresh water in the midst of the Sea. They seek for honour in pride, whereas honour is to be found in humilitie, Prov. 29. 23. It is to be observed, that the more ignorant any one is, the more conceited he is: Great pride, argues great ignorance; little humility, but little knowledge of our own hearts. According to our humility, is our knowledge of our selves: and according to the knowledg of our selves, is our humility. When Paul saw the filthie puddle of concupiscence that was in him, he was throughly taken down indeed: And until we become humble, we can never become wise. Time, reading and learning may swell our brains, but still our hearts will remain emptie. He will teach the Humble his way, Prov. 11. 2. The first step to wisedom, is humilitie, Isa. 28. 9.

Nor is pride more a sign of ignorance, then it is of emptiness: The lighter ballance, or end of the beam, will presse upward, and ever be highest: that ear of corn, or bough which is fullest, or most laden with fruit, hangs lowest to the ground alwaies: It is froth onely that swims on the top.

It is the nature of man to be proud, when man by nature has nothing to be proud of. As take away from mens mindes vain opinions, flattering hopes, fals valuations, imaginations, and the like; you will leave the mindes of most men and women but poor shrunken things, full of melancholy, indisposition, and unpleasing to themselves. And as for Beauty, even the fairest presence, (which puffs up so many) is but a dunghill coveredover with white and purple.

Or admit it be grace and virtue that one is proud of; such an ones graces and virtues will be sure to lessen, as his pride increaseth; and in the end wither away and leave him, as leaves do a tree in Autumne. Neither will any good thing stay or reside, where pride is, and remains: be it peace, plenty, credit, or the like.

First, not peace or comfort: Such as have their thoughts high, and their fortunes low, live alwaies a pensive life. And the onely reason why we want our desires, is, because our desires want reason. Yee ask and receive not, because yee ask amiss; that yee may consume it upon your lusts, Jam. 4. 3.

2. Nor credit: Infamy ever ensueth arrogancy. If wee thought meanlyer of our selvs others would think better of us. Fair Absalom had ambitiously provided a stately Monument for his Corps, a Pyramis, or Pillar in the King's Dale: but he was tumbled with infamy into a ditch, and covered like carion under an heap of stones. The Babel projectors built their Tower to get them a name, but it turned to their shame and confusion too. Even the best and greatest works, undertaken for ostentation, do commonly misse of their end, and turn to the Authors shame. Before honour goeth humility, Prov. 15. 33. but when pride cometh, then cometh shame, Prov. 11. 2.

3. Nor will plenty and prosperity stay, where pride remains. While Saul was little in his own eies, God made him head over the twelve Tribes, and gave him abundance: but when he left his humility, his Kingdom left him and his house. When Hezekiah was puft up with the wealth and the pretious things that God gave him, the Prophet tells him, that all those things, and all that his Fathers had laid up in store for him, should be carried away to Babylon, 2 Kings 20. 12. to 19. When Nebuchadnezar built for the glory of his Majestie, and began to boast himself, he was suddenly deprived of his Kingdom, and sent to graze with the beasts: but when he was humbled to the very ground; he had his Kingdom, and all else restored unto him, Dan. 4. 29. to 37.

Many the like examples I might give you, of such as have been undone by their pride; but daily experience hath acquainted you with not a few, that by hoysing up the sail of their ships too high, have made shipwrack. A little sail to a great Vessel rids no way, though the winde be never so fair: A large sail to a little Bark, drowns it. The pride of man shall bring him low: but the humble in spirit shall enjoy glory, Prov. 29. 23. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth, Mat. 5. 5. W •• so exalteth himself, shall be brought low: but whosoever humbleth himself, shall be exalted, Mat. 23. 12. Luk. 14. 11. No sin hath pull'd down so many as this, that promised to set them up.

And I would wish you to look to it, (least God withdraw more, as he hath already some of the fuel of your pride, and quench the fire of your Kitchen) for confident I am, out of the experience I have of the Lord's dealing; that if you belong to him, he will make you bow, or break: you shall be humbled, and that to purpose; and that in it wherein you offend. Mark me what I say, Are you proud of beauty? You shall have no beauty to be proud of. Because the daughters of Zion are proud, and walk with stretched out necks, and with wandring eies, making a minsing as they go, and make a tinkling with their feet: therefore shall the Lord mak the heads of the daughters of Zion ball'd, and the Lord shall discover their secret parts. In that day shall the Lord take away the ornaments of the slippers, and the cauls, and the round tiers, the sweet balls, and the bracelets, and the bonnets, the tires of the head, and the slops, and the head-bands, and the tablets, and the ear-rings, the rings and the mufflers, the costly apparel and the vails; and the wimples, and the crisping-pins, and the glasses, and the fine linnen, and the hoods, and the lawns. And instead of sweet savours, there shall be a stink, and instead of a girdle, a rent; and instead of dressing of the hair, baldnesse: and instead of a stomacher, a girding of sackcloth; and burning instead of beauty, Isa. 3. 16. to 25. Miriams Leprosie is one instance of this: her foul tongue was not onely punished with a foul face; but her pride was cured with deformity.

Or is it plenty that makes you flaunt it? You shall want necessaries. Or is it making an Idol of your little one, it shall be taken from you; and so of health.

There cannot be a worse signe of ensuing evil, then pride, as we see in Peter. If Paul but begin to exalt himself, some messenger of Satan shal be sent to pull him down again, 2 Cor. 12. 7 •• ide goeth before destruction, and an high minde before the fall, ••• . 16. 18. And the reason is, All that are proud in heart, are an abomination to the Lord: and though hand join in hand, such shall not go unpunished, Prov. 16. 5. He that hath a proud look, and high heart, I cannot suffer, saith the Lord, Psal. 101. 5. Job. 40. 11. 12. Mal. 4. 1. of which you have had some experience.

The Lord hath spoken to you, once, twice, thrice; and that in an easie and familiar Scripture phrase: he hath brought you, and your babe, into physicks fetters; he hath abated of your beauty: he hath cut short your means, (the fuel of your pride) yea he hath gone further with you; for whereas your honour hath been more cared for then your God, and all was well while you were well esteemed. Is not your good name at the stake? and your credit wofully blasted, by excelling all of your rank and calling, and all bounds of discretion; and by your scorning to be thought a Ministers wife; in which Religion also suffers. Hath not self-conceitednesse broken your credit? For as there is no plaister like this, to pull down proud flesh; so God hath accordingly decreed, that while we think well of our selves, others shall never think well of us.

Thus hath the Lord dealt with you, whose preventing mercie it is, to speak before he strikes, to lighten before he thunders, to warn before he wounds, to use the rod, before he takes up the sword: yet you neither hear, nor take notice of his displeasure. Your eies are not opened, your heart is not humbled, but your pride remains: being somwhat like Nero still, who took it for a disparagement, forsooth, to be seen two daies in one suit. Though you wear a pretty part of your husbands estate upon your back; and the like about your neck.

What is wisedom departed from you? or would you have Jezabels fare? be dasht in pieces. Would you be let go on like Absolom? whose chief pride lay in his hair, and that became his halter. Look to it, for God will first or last make you know your self, if you belong to him; and at the next bout, cast you down to the very ground: and if that will not serve, one foot shall slip into hell, that it may be a means through his blessing, to further and forward you in the way to heaven; as it fared with the incestuous Corinthian 1 Cor. 5. 5. 2 Cor. 2. 6, 7, 8. which if you would prevent, take warning in time: for, God will be sure to have his will of those that are wedded to their own wills: yea he delights in it, as you may see in Pharaohs example.

O Cousin! my fear is, that this your pride will spin you a thred of many troubles, before you learn that lesson of the Psalmist, Before I was afflicted, I went astray: but now do I keep thy commandements, Psal. 119. 67. And indeed we call for greater strokes, by not feeling the lesser.

If we be warned of any thing but sin, one warning will serve: but we are so incorporated, and inured to sin, that a thousand sermons will not serve. Custom hath made sin stronger in many, then the Word of God: Whereupon God takes another course, and saies, I will go and return to my place, till they acknowledge their fault, and seek me: for in their affliction they will seek me diligently, Hos. 5. 15. Though indeed never to think on God until we stand in need of him, argues a base, and not an ingenuous spirit.

I confesse it's well if it prove so well; for this is more then God ows us: and his method to millions is this; The seed was sown this year, the Lord calls for fruit, and none will come; the next year, and the next after, and none comes: at last the curse goeth forth, Never fruit grow upon thee more: as it fared with the Fig-tree: Cut it down, and cast it into the fire, Luk. 13. 6. to 10.

Now whether of these two waies the Lord will deal with you; onely himself knows. But one of the two I am sure he will, and the last is most likely. For the greatest number enter the broad-gate; and they are few in comparison (one of a City, and two of a Tribe, Isa. 10. 22.) that shall be saved. True, there is scarce a man on earth, but he thinks to go to heaven; though no man thinks that the whole world shall go to heaven, for then were hell made to no purpose. Yea, whereas the Jews thought, that if but two men in the world were saved, the one should be a Scribe, the other a Pharisee: Christ saith, neither of both should come there, Luk. 13. 28.

But admit your case be onely doubtful, and not desperate: you have not two souls, that you may hazard one: nor will any wise-man venture his soul on such an uncertainty. I know you have favorable thoughts of your self, and much to say in your own behalf, (though that much is nothing). In excusing our faults we are all too eloquent; though to a wise and godly man, (whose folly is wiser then the wisdom of the world:) what you have to alleage, would appear but pitious shifts, weaker then walls of paper. As what saies wise Solomon? All the waies of a man are clean in his own eies; but the Lord pondereth the spirits.

And men may more then guesse, by reflection from the Word; because the outward actions declare the inward intentions. A good Conversion is proved by a good Conversation. If any one be ingrafted into Christ, by a lively faith; he becoms a new creature, and shews it by the fruit of a good life, Joh. 15. 1. to 9. he is divorced from the world, and the flesh, with their fruits, and fashions, 1 Cor. 6. 9, 10, 11. Gal. 5. 19, 20, 21. Prov. 16. 2. 1 Pet. 4. 3. 1 Joh. 2. Ephes. 4. 18, 19, 20. And whosoever does not bring forth such fruit, it is certain that he is not yet ingrafted into Jesus Christ. Regeneration, or New-birth, is a creation of new qualities in the soul, as being by nature onely evil disposed. In all true Repentance is a change, both in the Judgment, from errour to truth; and in the Will, from evil to good; and in the Affections, from loving evil, and hating good, to love good, and hate evil. In the whole man, from darknesse to light, and from the power of Satan unto God; without which change, no repentance. Grace changeth nature of a bramble to becom a vine, of a thorn a fig-tree, of a wilde, a natural Olive, of a Lion a Lamb, of a Dog under board, to a son sitting at table, of a Saul a Paul. And of this you may assure your self, that if Christ be not your King to govern, hee will neither be your Prophet to forwarn, nor your Priest to expiate.

It hath alwaies been your unhappinesse, to have a tempter to attend you, who, if you take not heed, will become your utter destruction: and it is none of her least wickednesse, to bring you into dislike of your choice, by mentioning what matches you might have had; for were it not a true lie, yet it is, at best, the Divels heart in her lips. However he had ill hap, being an able Minister, a godly Christian, a loving husband to meet with one that proves neither a good huswife, nor a good Christian. And as for your means, a very Barber, or Tailour, or Chandler expects more with a wife: so that your matching with him was more a preferment, then a stooping Yea, according to the skill I have, he had better have given your means (I mean first and last) for a wife, that had been a good and frugal huswife, then to have married such a costly one, that spends all, but neither gets nor saves any thing. One that keeps as many maids and Chare-women, as might serve three of your estate; and those maids must be such lofty ones, that the meanest must not go of an errand, or bring home a little meat; yea, one of them hath more command over you, then your husband. O sorry wife! may your husband say. Yea, who can choose but say? that you denie the Faith, and are worse then an Infidel; if instead of laying up for your children, you leave them in debt by your over lashing. It is the Apostles conclusion, 1 Tim. 5. 8. House and riches are the inheritance of the fathers: but a prudent wife cometh of the Lord, Prov. 19. 14. and is his peculiar gift, Prov. 18. 22.

When the Lord God saw, that it was not good that man should be alone, (Adam without Eve, being but half himself) he said, I will make him an help meet for him, Gen. 2. 18. If you were a meet wife, a gift given of God; nothing would please you, that does not please him. His good would become the businesse of your actions and aims. You would imitate that virtuous and industrious wife in the Proverbs: you would be like Sarah, or Rebeccah, or Ruth, or Hannah, or Abigail, or Elizabeth, or Mary, or Martha, or Dorcas, &c. At least you would study frugality, and not scorn, as you do, to set your fingers to some works of huswifery.

But you are a Gentlewoman born and bred? Answer, Were not your Ancestors known to us, you might tell us so. But admit it, Tamar was a Kings daughter, yet it is written for her honour, that shee took flower, and did knead it, make cakes in his sight, and did bake the cakes, and took a pan, and powred them out before him, and brought them into the chamber to Amnon her brother, 2 Sam. 13. Even the children of Kings, in • hose homelier times, did not scorn thus to employ them • lves. Nor is there any state of man upon earth, that can • rivilege a folded hand.

Or is it your beauty, that makes you too good for such im • loiment? if so, miserable man that meets with a fair face. He is a simple man that chooseth an Apple by the skin: Yea, • e that weds for state or face, buies a horse to lose the race. How • ver, it had been a thousand times happier for him, had he in choosing a wife taken the Apostles direction, Tim. 1. 2, 9, 10. and 3. 11. Titus 2. 4, 5. 1 Pet. 3. 1. to 7. Nor was it indeed • awful for him, being a Minister, to have accepted of you. As let me refer it to your self, If all women (I mean Christian women) ought to attire themselves in modest apparel, with shamefastnesse and sobriety; not with broidered hair, or gold, or gaudy attire, or pearls, or costly apparel; but as becometh women that professe the fear of God, with good works: If they ought to be discreet, chast, keeping at home, good and obedient to their own husbands; that the Word of God be not evil spoken of, that even they which obey not the word, may without the Word be won by the conversation of the wives, while they behold their pure conversation, which is with fear: as it is Titus 2. 4, 5. 1 Pet. 3. 1, 2, to 7. 1 Tim. 2. 9, 10. & 3. 11. What ought a Ministers wife to be, that the Ministry, nor the Gospell, nor the Word of God. might be evil spoken of, Tit. 2. 5. For, for many othermens wives to do wickedly, or undecently, is not so much, as for one Ministers, Isa. 1. 21. If a Professors, a Ministers, an Independent Ministers wife becoms scandalous, how great is her scandal? how unnatural? Ministers and theirs, (like a Beacon upon an hill) have all eies upon them▪ The least mote that flies in the Sun, or between our eies and the light, seems a greater substance then it is, & the more eminent the person, the more notorious the corruption. And as in respect of others the offence is greater, so in respect of your self, your sin and punishment shall be greater; as you may see in Elyes sons. Cesars wound that his son Brutus gave him, went nearer to his heart, then all the stabs of his foes.

Which being so, banish I beseech you, this base, this divelis • pride out of your heart, least it banish you out of heaven. All other sins the Divel made, onely Pride made the Divel. Had it not been for Pride, the Angells that are now in hell, should be in heaven; and we who are now in this barren wildernesse should have been in Paradice. Nor can God and pride dwell in the same heart, that could not dwell in the same heaven. The Lord is high, saith the Psalmist, yet he beholdeth the lowly but the proud he knoweth a far off, Psal. 138. 6. Yea, that high and lofty one, that inhabiteth eternity, saies, I dwell in the high and holy place, and with him also that is of a contrite and humble spirit, Isa. 57. 15. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of grace, which is heaven on earth; and theirs is the kingdom of glory, which is heaven in heaven.

Yea, strive to excell others in humility, that you may excell others in glory: and be not like Chancers wife of Bath, who would be content to eat brown bread in heaven, for a lutle toleration of her will here on earth. Abstain not from evil onely, but from the appearance, 2 Thes. 5. 22. If you belong to Christs family, wear not the worlds livery. If you be a Christian, strive to imitate Christ. Fashion not your self like unto this world. Be not like a piece of Iron between two equal Loadstones. The prosperity of fools destroieth them, Prov. 1. 32. Be not you a foolish, but a wise Virgin, Mat 25. 1, to 14, Commit your waies unto the Lord, and your thoughts shall be directed, Prov. 16. 3. So shall you be no longer led by your wicked Counsellor. A looking-glasse will make a fool proud, but an hour-glasse will make a wise man humble.

True, Women (as they say) for a little goodnesse look for great praise; and for much evil, no chastisement. But if God by his Spirit shall work this upon your conscience, you will have cause to blesse his Name, that ever you met with such a monitor; neither will you resemble the rustick Sailor: who when he is in danger of shipwrack, will promise to change his life, and to imbrace virtue in the extream: but when the storm is over-past, he returns to his former vomit, and becoms worse then he was before; making no conscience, nor account of his vows and protestations; yea he re •… s them as dreams, and toies. Perseverance is the crown of •… es, and heaven shall be the crown of perseverance. And 〈◊〉 I can assure you, do but now forsake your sins for Christ, 〈◊〉 you shall hereafter (if brought unto it) be able to en •… e martyrdom for him.

To conclude with a word of advice, if you ever intend a •… nge, totally divorce your self from that Jezabel, who hath •… wn you to this, and never change word with her more. For •… re is no disputing with Satan, nor his Agents; as you may 〈◊〉 by his success in Paradice. Gen. 2. 2, to 7. Nor will God •… ep us from the sin, if we keep not our selves from the occasion. •… herefore so soon as David determined to keep Gods comman •… ents, these are his words, Depart from me all yee workers 〈◊〉 iniquity, Psal. 119. 115. And indeed all depends upon the ob •… ving, or not observing this.