THE Town, and its Diversions, being grown as Stale as a Cast-off Mistress; and the chiefest of its Inhabitants withdrawn to their Ru­ral Pleasures; and Duns as Impudent [...] D— the Poulterian Officer: So that being bereav'd of the one, & damnably Fatigu'd by the other; Necessity, the Mother of Invention, oblig'd me to take a Country Journey, for Self-Preservation sake; having Money to Spend, tho' none to Pay. And the last Summers Expedition at the Wells, not agreeing with my pre­sent Constitution, and my Inclinations being bent after Novelties, I resolv'd to Steer my Course Westward, to see what Pleasure those Pools of Iniquity, call'd the BATH, would afford me. In order for which, I presently took Hack, and bid him drive me to that terrible Sign, the Sarazens-Head in Fryday-Street, where I gave Earnest for a Place in the following Mondays Coach; but being Saturday, and late in the Season, I thought I should have no reason to Curse my Company, for mine was the first that was taken: But my Tun-Belly'd Hostess, to Encourage me, said, That not­withstanding 'twas so late in the Week, she doubted not but there would be more Places taken before Night.

In hopes of which, I left her, to prepare for my approaching Journey; and Money being the Life of the Cause, I muster'd up a pretty tolerable Sum, and for conveni­ency of Carriage, converted it into the Noblest of Metals. Then I began to think of the Redemption of several Captivated Necessaries, which an Unlucky Accident had brought into Bondage; as an Ʋltramarine Joseph, a Pocket Monitor of Tompion's Composing, and a Silver Hilted Ripp of the Isebrook's Temper; three as necessary Implements for a Traveller, as Goose, Yard, and Sheers, for a Taylor. Well, to Egypt I went, and Redeem'd them from Slavery.

And by reason I would be ready on Monday Morning, I went to Lye at the Inn on Sunday Night; and Enquiring of the Tapster what Company I was like to have, he said more he believ'd than I desir'd; for there was four Places taken just after I went, and three of the Passengers were in the House, and to lie there that Night; the other was for a Merchant of Bristol. Then asking what those in the House were, he told me two Gentlewomen and their Maid Servant, who were just going to Supper. Whereupon I bid him go and give my Service to 'em, and tell 'em I was to Travel with 'em to Morrow, and should take it as a great Favour, if they would please to Honour me so far, as to Admit me into their Company, for I was alone. The Fellow brought Word they desir'd me to Walk in, and they should be very glad of mine. [Page 4]This being what I wanted, in I went; and after a few Ceremonial Complements, and Begging Pardon for my Rudeness, I told them I was afraid I should have gone alone, but now I found I should be Bless'd beyond my Hopes, in having the Ho­nour, or rather Happiness, of their good Company. I Wish, Sir, reply'd one of them, It may answer your Expectation, for our Sex is counted but very indifferent Company to Tra­vel with, and you are like to be Fatigu'd with three of us. As for Children, and Testy Age, Madam, answer'd I, I agree in the Opinion; but otherwise, condemn it as Erroneous: And for your Number, The More the Merrier. That's according as it proves, Sir, said she; neither would I have you Flatter your self too soon, least your hopes should prove abortive, but rather referr you to old Saffold's Advice, Read, Try, Judge, and speak as you find. I must confess, Madam, answer'd I, Experience is the only Touch-stone; but I shall be mightily deceiv'd in my Politicks, if it does not make good my Assertion. I Presume, Sir, said the other Lady, You have Studyed Saunders, and are well Vers'd in Physiognomy, or you could never pretend to so much Fore-knowledge. At which I Crav'd the Honour of seeing her Hand, telling her, I had some little Skill in Palmestry, by which Art I perceiv'd she requir'd not much Castration; which made them both Laugh: And the first Lady ask'd me, if I had any Skill in Chiromancy, for the same Author Profest both. I told her no; but was satisfied she had; for her Charms had rais d such a Spirit in me, that I knew not how to lay it without her Assistance. I never understood Magick, I Protest, Sir, reply'd she, and am mightily afraid of a Spirit: Therefore let's Discourse no more of such Ʋnruly things, that neither of to know how to Govern. Your Power is as absolute in Laying as in Raising of them, Lady, answer'd I; but since 'tis your Pleasure, your Command shall be Obey'd, and I'll shape my Discourse to what Subject you Please.

But Supper coming in, they desir'd me to sit down with them, and having more Manners than to refuse so good a Proffer, I comply'd with their Request, and fed very Heartily. The Glass went Briskly about, that we were as Merry, as a Knot of Jovial Tinkers over a Cup of Nappy-Ale, and I began to like my Company extraor­dinary well▪ but the Charming Inchantress and I, interchang'd so many learing Ogles, that I could hardly mind our Discourse; yet I understood so much, that she was a Widow, the other a Wife, and both Sisters, and also Strangers to the Place they were going to, as well as I; and had no other Call but Recreation; But I was for fulfil­ling the Scriptures, in Comforting the Widow. Supper being ended, they call'd for a Bill, which was presently brought; out I lugg'd, and was going to Discharge, but they begg'd my Pardon, and would by no means suffer me; telling me I must sub­mit to the Rule that is generally observ'd in Travelling, for the Major of either Sex to Treat the Minor. I must Acknowledge, Ladies, said I, 'tis an Old Custome so to do, but we are not now on the Road; however that Avail'd not, they pleaded the Prerogative of the Majority, and carry'd it Nolens Volens. Seeing they were so Re­solute. I dispenc'd with the Affront, considering I had often put up a greater, and would not press too hard, least it should prevail; but that was a needless Thought, for the Young Widow drew from between her Snowy Breasts, a Purse Cramm'd as full of Yellow-Boys, as a Clerk of a Markets Bag of Copper John's, and Discharg'd the whole. Seeing of which, I thought I could do no less in Honour than call for my Flask; Craving Leave to present them with it as my Foy; and being a little Elevated with the Noble Juice, we were as Jocund and Frolicksome, as a Countrey-Vicar at a Gossiping. In came the Wine, without disputing who should pay for it. But at last, Night, the Lovers Bliss, and Bane of good Company, Oblig'd us to with­draw to our Chambers. Upon which, I told the Ladies, I should think the time ve­ry tedious till I should be so happy as to Enjoy their good Company again. We are apter to believe Sir, answer'd they, You will think the Journey so, by reason of the Dull­ness of it. Say what I will, Ladies, said I, you Foy'l me with my own Weapons, and are pleas'd to Retort my Words to their own Centre. So after a profound Cringe or two, with a Gripe of the Paw, and as many Amorous Glances at my Charming Widow, who return'd me the like, we parted: But never any happy Bridegroom Long'd for the Approaching Night, more than I for the succeeding Morning.

No sooner had I enter'd my Chamber, but I found a Secret Passion had possest my Soul, and I was all on Fire: Ye Powers, cry'd I, what strange Fever's this that Rages [Page 5]in my Breast, and Riots in my Blood? Not Liquid Fire, by its first Cause Fomented, burns Fiercer in Earths Center, than I flame within. Tame this Unruly Flame, or touch her Heart that first Kindl'd it, with a Cole from the same Altar. Nay 'tis impossible to relate how violent my Passion rag'd; but in Love I was, that's certain; but whether her Purse or Person begat this Flame, is a very Nice Question, and I protest I know not; for, as Mr. Cowley says,

For Gold has Unresistable Charms as well as Beauty; is of a Corroding Quality; of an Attractive Nature, and bears a great influence o'er the Opticks. And 'twas very probable that Purse was only Prologue to a far greater Sum; so by consequence must needs have some Operation; not but the Ladies were both very Amiable, in the Bloom of Vigorous Youth, bore a good Aspect, had no mean Air, Free, and without Reserve in their Conversation; and their Deportment declar'd them of no Vulgar Quality. But the Charming Golden Widow was the Idol of my Soul, Subject of my Thoughts, and Center of my Wishes; Musing on whom, at last dull Morpheus Seal'd my Eyes, to relieve my Captivated Senses.

By that time Forked Cynthia had withdrawn her influence, and bright Aurora rose from Thetis Lap, I shook off the Drowsy God, and blest the joyful Day. Looking out of my Window, I perceiv'd they were preparing for our Journey, which made me Rig with all imaginable speed; and as I was going down, who should I meet but my Cherubimical Widdow, equip'd like a Goddess, and Adorn'd with Ribbon like the Fore-Horse of a Country-Team? After we had given each other the Time of the Day, Lord Sir, said she, Are you but just up? Why we are almost Ready to go; certainly you Slept very Sound. No Madam answer'd I, since I have had the Happiness of seeing you, Rest has been a stranger to my Brest. Have I disturbed you Sir, said she? If so, I ask your Pardon, and am sorry for it. Ye Gods, cry'd I, what shall I say? Or how shall I express my self? Inspire my Tongue with Eloquence, thou God of Love, to make her sensible of my Pain. Oh Madam, cry'd I, you are Innocent of your Crime, and Guilty of the Fact: You have Robb'd me of my Rest, Fir'd my Blood, and Stolen my Heart; see how it Hovers o'er your Panting Breast, and fain would gain Admit­tance. I Vow Sir, answer'd she, Your Discourse is so Mysterious, that it wants another Oedi­pus to unfold. And for what you are Pleas'd to charge me withal, is a false Accusation; nei­ther have I Vacancy to Entertain it. Ah Madam, reply'd I, I could soon convince you of your Error, if you would give me leave to search in a certain Corner you have about you, that shall be Nameless. At which she Blush'd, and told me I was mighti­ly Mistaken: But allow it so, since 'twas Ignorantly committed, and without any premeditated design, she hop'd I would be so generous as to Forgive her. Never Madam, said I, unless you vouchsafe to cast an Eye of Pity, and Commiserate the Condition of your Languishing Lover, on whom the God of Love, if there be any such a Diety, hath Empty'd his whole Artillery, and pierc'd my Heart with your all-Conquering Eyes: O Fye, Sir, answer'd she, this is meer Railery, and only for your Diversion, a thing Customary with you General Lovers, in whom every New Face Creates a new Flame; of the Libertines Opinion, that a Woman, after she is once Enjoy'd, grows Dull and Insipid; and what you have now so solemnly pretended to me, is no more then you have already done to half our Sex, if possible; and such I take it.

By my Soul I thought she was a Witch by her guessing so right, and was a going to tell her so, for every Syllable she utter'd was as true as an Oracle. But finding by her Parlying I had made a Breach, I resolv'd to Storm the Castle. If you Har­bour any such thought of me, Madam, answer'd I, by Heaven you do me wrong; for so pure is my Flame, and so Assiduous my Passion, without you give me speedy [Page 6]hopes, I shall fall a Sacrifice to your disdain, and Phoenix-like, expire in my own Flames. 'Tis but Breathing a Vein Sir, answer'd she, and your Feavour will soon abate. Oh Madam, cry'd I, how can you be so Cruel? You gave the Wound, but Admi­nister a contrary Cure. Wrack me no longer thus with Doubts and Fears, either retaliate me in the same Nature, or pronounce my Doom; for on your Lips my Fate depends. Indeed Sir, answer'd she, that requires more Consideration than the time will ad­mit of now: Yet take this for your Satisfaction, if your Character and Quality answers your Appearance, and your Passion be real, you need not dispond of the Entertainment of that Trisle you are pleased to Charge me withal, but it shall find a Reception Suitable to its Merits. At which she Sigh'd, and said our Company waited for us, but in the Evening would take an Opportunity to discourse further of it. Now Madam, you have ruised my drooping Spirits to an Extasie of Joy, answer'd I; Pardon my Presumption, and Ab­rupt proceeding, I beseech you, in taking this opportunity to reveal my Passion, and impute it to nothing but Love, Almighty Love, for what will not a sinking Wretch catch hold on, to save his Miserable Life?

At which we separated, and joyn'd our Company, who were preparing for an An­tidote against Fasting, which we had scarcely compleated, but were call'd on to Board our Leathern-Conveniency, and were Pen'd up like the Beasts in the Ark; but I took care to have my Mistress my Opposite, and being settled, Whip proceeded on his Journey, and having a plentiful Mornings Draught▪ Tickled his Cittel, drove like Jehu, and soon convey'd us to the Sign of Englands Champion at Cole-brook, an Inn famous for an Hostess, and Extravagant Bills for short Commons.

Having refresh'd our selves with a good Breakfast, we re-enter'd our Coop, and was but very indifferent Company, for our Masculine Traveller, the Married Lady, and Mrs. Betty the Chamber-Maid, had a Long Game at Noddy: However it presented me with several Opportunities of Saluting my Widow, and Exercise a­bundance of Falm Letchery; but being come to Reading, we Din'd at the Canoni­cal-Nabb, where our Landlord was as Remarkable for his Bulk, as our late Hostess for her Tail; formerly he was a profest Baptist, but being chosen one of the Head Loobies of the Corporation, he renounc'd his Religion, Embrac'd the Faith, and was Christned Lumpus; his Corps is of the size of a Rhinoceros, Measures full three Yards in the Waste, and his Legs bigger about than the Piers of the Town Bridge; the Doctor of the Parish hath excommunicated him from the Church; because his Snor­ring not only drowns his Voice, but disturbs the whole Congregation. Being de­priv'd of the Church, he then took the Flesh, and is reported to have overlaid three of his Servants. Having now stock'd our selves with substantial Belly-Timber, and Liquor'd our Whistles, we pursu'd our Journey, and were more Sociable; the La­dies oblig'd as with several Songs, which they perform'd with an Excellent Voice, and good Judgment: But my Thoughts were chiefly Ruminating on the Fair Object before me, and how to manage my Amour at Night, every fresh Glance discovered conceal'd Beauties, nor was she unsensible of my Anguish, for her repeated Sighs betray'd her yielding Heart.

And our Merchant took Notice of her Sighs, and ask'd her the Reason; she told him 'twas only a Foolish Custom; but I believe had he ask'd me, I could have given him a better Account. But come, Fellow-Travellers, said he, will you please to take a Dram of Right Nants? A good Cordial on the Road, and will digest our Dinner; I protest I forgot it in the Morning: So we accepted of his kindness, and drain'd his Bottle: But Promised to recruit it the first opportunity; and to pass the time a­way, we Engag'd Mrs Pert to Sing a Song, and our Merchant and I promis'd to tell a Story: She Pleaded she could not Sing, but would oblige us in relating a very strange Accident lately discover'd; which was as followeth.

About fifteen year since, There was a noted Tradesman near Aldgate, had two Chil­dren, a Son and Daughter, the Son was Aged about fifteen Years, and the Daughter [Page 7]twelve; he had a desire to put his Son Prentice to some good Trade in the City, and gave him his choice, but he was very much A verse to it, his Inclinations being al­together for the Sea, and nothing would serve him but a Tarpaulin Master. At last his Father with much Regret Consented to it, and put him to a Master of a Ship that was bound for a Trading Voyage up the Streights: At which the Young Man was Extraordinary Glad, took Leave of his Friends, and went Aboard with great Joy; but before three Months was Expir'd, News arriv'd that they were taken by the Algerines, from whom at that time there was no Redemption: The News of which, and a Considerable Loss the Old Man had lately Sustain'd by Fire, not only Re­duc'd his Condition to a mean Subsistance, but broke his Heart, nor did his Wife long Survive him; and with the remains of their decay'd Fortune, the Poor Orphan was put to a Sempstress; but before her Time was Expir'd, one of Exeter fell in Love with her, Marry'd her, and took her with him to Exon, unknown to her Friends or Acquaintance; in a few Years after he left her a Widow, no Children, and but little to Trust to; which to improve, she set up her Trade, and maintain'd her self very Handsomely, Living in good Credit. But her Unhappy Brother, who had the Misfortune to be a Slave, was bought by one that Liv'd sever. Leagues up in the Country, never having any Opportunity of sending to England, his Friends dispair'd of ever seeing him again, and gave him over for Lost. But see how Providence Order'd it, his Master Dyed, and by reason he had been a good Ser­vant, not only Bequeath'd him his Liberty, but also a great Sum of Money to Main­tain him; and his Mistress, who had often given him several Evident Testimonies of her Affections, wou'd have Marry'd him, provided he would Renounce his Re­ligion, and Embrace the Mabometan, which he deny'd to do; but her Love was so Violent, or rather Lust so Raging, that it over-flow'd the Bounds of Modesty, and by the Allurements of her Gold, intic'd him to satisfie her Exorbitant Desires, by which means he had gottten a very Considerable Estate. But the Natural Incli­nation for his own Native Country, and great Desire to see his Friends, out-Ballanc'd the Embraces of his Mistress, whose Gold was more prevailing than her Charms, and came the first Opportunity for England, and in a short time Arriv'd at Plymouth, the next day reach'd Exon; and having present occasion for some Linnen, he Ac­cidentally goes into his Unknown Sisters Shop and furnish'd himself, then Posts for London; where to his great Grief, he found, as I have already Related; and by no meant could get any Information of his Sister, his long Absence not only bereav'd him of his Friends, but also of all his former Acquaintance; that he was become an Alien in the Place of his Nativity. The Deprivation of which, was an extra­ordinary Trouble to him, and the only way to Redress it, he thought would be to Alter his Condition; he Coveted not Riches, but Content, to Compensate for his hard Fate. But, Oh, how often are we Deceiv'd in our Expectations, and our hopes Frustrated by an All-Seeing Power? His Fancy presented none so Charming to his Eyes as the Exeter Widow: Nay, so great was his Passion, that immediately he goes down, Courts her, and in a short time Married her, brings her up to Lon­don, takes a House, and Liv'd very Happily together, had two Children by her; and no Discourse as yet of their Parents happened between them. But see how Fate Ordain'd it! Not long since, as he was Walking by Fleet-Ditch, he espies his Fa­thers Picture Expos'd to Sale among Old Goods; which presently he Bought, and made a very strict Enquiry where they had it, thinking thereby to trace his Sister, but 'twas so long since they bought it, that they could give him no Account; how­ever, he imputed it to be a very Lucky Accident, had it brought home with him, and with abundance of Joy shows it his Wife. Telling her, 'twas the Picture of his Father, and how Accidentally he came by it: At which, she was mightily surpris'd, and told him, If that was the Picture of his Father, (which Heaven forbid) she was his own Natural Sister: He Astonish'd at this dreadful News, ask'd her a few more questions, she Resolving of which, Confirm'd the Discovery, and hath Involv'd them into a great deal of Trouble and Consternation of Mind; for the Easement of which, they have had the Opinion of several Learned Divines; who advise them to joyn no more in their Incestuous Bed, but Live after the Natural Bonds of Affinity, and since 'twas Ignorantly Committed, it mitigated the Crime, and they were more to be [Page 8]Pittyed; and none could be so Barbarous, as to reflect on their Unhappy Off-Spring. But 'tis to be Fear'd, it will prove Fatal to them both, for they Labour under an Agony of Mind, that nothing but Death or Distraction is Expected.

Her Story being Ended, the Ladies Confirm'd it, and declar'd they knew the Par­ties; and it had not been Discover'd above two or three Years; but while we were Commiserating their hard Fate, we came to a Vilage call'd Theal, and stopt at Old Mother Cleanly's, at the Sign of the Divine Clamour; as Noted a House for Bottle-Ale and Plumb-Cakes, as the Folly on the River of Thames, for bad Wine, and Lewd Whores: Nay, Slash declar'd he dares no more pass by without calling, than the Forked Animals miss Cuchold's-Point, in their Journey to Horn-Fair: But having participated, and given our Approbation on her Commodity, we Travel'd on, and our Bristol Merchant told us, he presum'd we were a going to the BATH for Diversion; but his Journey to London was such a Novelty, that 'twas scarce to be Parallel'd, and notwithstanding it had occasion'd him a great deal of Trouble, it might Divert us; with that we desir'd him to Relate it, which he presently did, after this manner:

The Place of my Habitation you already know, of which I have been a Merchant almost this thirty year, am a Widower and have several Children, but my Eldest Son being very Desirous to Live at London, I put him to an Eminent Draper in C—, but before he had Serv'd half his Time, he kept such high Company, and was Ac­quainted with so many Rakes of the Town, that his Master was as weary of him, as he of his Master; so I was oblig'd to take him Home, and Design'd to bring him up a Merchant, but the Infection he receiv'd at London, made too great an Impres­sion to be Discharg'd by my Documents, which often occasion'd no small differ­ence between us; about a Month since, having some very Urgent Business in Wales, which requir'd my Absence for at least twelve or fourteen Days, I left my Daughter to manage my Domestick, and he my other Affairs, and took my Journey; but that Night I left him, he sends Word to all my Correspondents at London, that I was Dead, (as I understand since) and that he should be with them in a short time, for his Father having left him a Plentiful Estate, he design'd to leave off Merchandi­zing. This News Startl'd my Acquaintance, and they sent him several Letters of Condolence; and my Death past as Currant on the Exchange, as if it had been sworn by twenty Irish Witnesses. My Daughter who kept my Cash, sent him a Letter of Advice, of the Payment of some Bills, I had lately drawn on him, which he receiv'd and answer'd; he also Intercepted the Letters I sent his Sister, and about six days before I came Home, takes fifty Pound of my House Cash and Posts for London, and before he Appear'd Publick, Cloths himself in deep Mourning, Visits my Corre­spondents, tells them he came to Administer to his Fathers Will, and Ballance Ac­counts, and takes up of my Goldsmith 1300 l. who pay'd it him all in Gold, as he requested; having Accomplish'd his Ends, Cast off his Mourning, New Rigg'd, and now I hear he is gone for Rome, to assist at the Jubilee; but when I came home, mis­sing of him and my Money, I presently Conjectur'd he was gone for London, and was afraid he would take up more, therefore made all the speed I could after him, to prevent it, but he was too Nimble for me; my Acquaintance was all possest with a Pannick Fear, and so surpriz'd, that they took me for a Spirit, and wou'd harldly believe their own Eyes; but I soon Convinc'd them of their Mistake, and they me of my Sons Proceedings.

And this is Generally the Product of sending our Children to London: Well, had I forty, I'd never send any of them to London again: Now he is gone Loaded with Gold to Rome; Perhaps, about a Year or two hence, I shall have him return, as Light as a Common-Strumpet, as Shabby as a Broken Officer, and as Foppish as a City Beau; but I will never Look on him again. Make no Rash Vow, however, Sir, said I, least you Repent it; (for Nature will prevail) he may Return a very Accomplish'd Gen­tleman, for Travelling conduces much to Education. Yes, answer'd he, As going to the Dancing-School, does Young Wenches, who if they have but a little Money are presently Catch'd up by some Hopping Coxcomb or another, that hath nothing to Trust to, but a Pair of Rotting Shanks, which are scarce able to support his Wavering Carcase. I find Sir, reply'd one of the Ladies, You have a great Aversion to London Education, and the very [Page 9]Thoughts of it gives you the Spleen? Pray what is the BATH for a Nursery? [...] the Season, that is a Place of great [...]. Why, answer'd he, That's cut of the [...] into the Fire; and as Eminent for Wickedness as London, Bating it's Magnitude. [...] that, I told him, I perceiv'd be Hard ur'd no better Opinion of the Tuition of his own Coun­try, than of our Metropolitan Seminary; and my Story would but Augment his Disgust.

Now being got to the end of our Stage for that Day we reserv'd mine for the next, and Newbury was as welcome to us, as Michaelmas Term to the Bauling Qu [...] dri­vers, after the Long Vacation: Our Quarters was at the King of Beasts, and after we had Saluted our Ladies, and bid them Welcome to Newbury, we View'd our Cham­bers, gave Order for our Supper, and Refresh'd our selves with a Glass of good Bur­gundy; and having some spare time, our Merchant went to Visit a Friend in Town, and I gave the Ladies an Invitation to take a Walk, which my Mistress was will­ing to, but her Sister, being something indisposed after her Journey, desir'd to be ex­cus'd; and as Good-Luck would have it, the Maid was oblig'd to stay with her: So my Charming Widow, after she had dismantled herself of her Riding A couter­ments, and I Augmented the weight of my Bush, by almost half a Pound of P wder, was ready to March; our Landlord understanding we were dispos'd for a Walk, Convey'd us out at his Back-gate, where we found a most delicate Grotte of Na­ture's not Art's Composing, half inviron'd with a Murm'ring Brook whose pur­ling streams Created a most Melodious Harmony, and the whole Composure seem'd a Second Paradise.

Having walk'd a turn or two, I thought it convenient to put my Widow in mind of her Promise. Pardon my Presumption, Madam, said I, in taking the boldness, to put you in mind of this Mornings Conclusion, for no fitter opportunity than now can present it self; here we are retir'd, and the Place seems to be dedicated for the same purpose. Sir, answer'd she, How can I be assur'd your Passion is Real, since your Ac­quantance is so slender, in which if I should be deceiv d, how shall I be Ridicul d by the Cen­sorious World? I presume not, Madam, reply'd I, [...] lay any Claim of me [...]ing your Esteem, as to the Quality of my Person; nor yet [...] so despiseable in my Descent or Fortune, to incur your disdain. But Love, Almighty Love, who knows no Bounds or Equals, is my Plea; and notwithstanding my Love is of so late a Date, it is as pure as Vestals Flames, and firm as Fate, and all my Pretensions Honourable. If so, Sir, said she, I do Agnize your Passion, and return you mine; for Blushing I must own it, when first I saw your Face, an unusual Flame seiz'd my Heart and kindled in my Breast Ʋnknown Desires. At this Confession, I flung my Circling Arms about her Lovely Waste, and almost stifled her with Kisses. What then remains, cry'd I, my Life, my Soul, but to Quench our Desires, and delay our Bliss no longer? At which she started back, and told me she thought, or she was much mistaken, before she re­veal'd her Passion, I declar'd, I design'd nothing but what was Honourable; it so, what means this unruly Proceeding? Only the extream Ardour of my Flame, my Dear, answer'd I; for who can behold the Tempting Tree, and forbear to pluck its Lus­cious Fruit? Not till the Priest hath made it Lawful, Sir, said she, For Fear,—Oh, for Fear.—By Heaven, and all that's Sacred, Madam, cry'd I, those Fears are Needless; for sooner shall the Silver Morn forget to dawn, the Glorious Sun to steer its course, than I prove false to you. What then should hinder us now, from satisfying our Craving Appetites, before the Sluggish Priest hath Crav'd a Blessing At which, she sunk into my Arms, and by her Dying Eyes gave her Consent; then calling to mind the Alacrity to be us'd in Courting a Widow, and that now might be the Critical Minute, I lad her down on Nature's Carpet and made bold with Mother Earth for a Boulster; and notwithstanding all her Faint Resistance, rifled her Joys, Roving through all the hidden Labyrinth of Love, and by our Mutual Embraces Quench'd our sierce Desires, then Coo'd and Bill'd like a pair of Amorous Doves, Swearing Eternal Constancy afresh, & to tye the Gordian Knot the first opportunity.

But in our Discourse I took an occasion to make a scrutiny into her Affairs, that I might understand what Bargain I was like to have, if I perform'd my Promise. She told me she had been a Widow near two years, had no Child, was worth 3000 l. and liv'd with her Sister, who was Married to a Gentleman near Hackney; and Li­ving so far off, was the reason they lay at the Inn last Night. This News methought [Page 10]Augmented her Charms, and having enjoy'd the Shadow, I hop'd in a short time to reap the Golden Substance. Having out-staid our time, a Messenger came to Desire us to make haste, for our Company and Supper waited for us: But when we came, and had given them an Account of our Pleasant Walk, and Description of the De­lightful Grove, (but not a word of the Paradise of Love) they seem'd to be sorry they did not go along with us (that neither of us was, I am certain.) Having Supt, they brought us a Bill, which was as reasonable as a Reckoning at a Hosier-Lane Bawdy-House during Bartholomow-Fair; for a Brace of Midling Trouts, they charg'd us but a Leash of Crowns, Six Shillings for a Shoulder of Mutton and a Plate of Gerkins, three and Six-pence for Six Rowles, and three Nipperkins of Belch; and two Shillings more for Whip in Drinking our Healths. Their Wine indeed was good, so was their Price; and in a Bill of two Pound four Shillings, they made a Mistake but of Nine; I ask'd what Countrey-Man my Landlord was? Answer was made full North; and Faith 'twas very Evident, for he had put the Yorkshire most Damnably upon us. But being to rise very Early, we went to Bed soon after we had Supt; and was called by break of Day, my Widow presented us with a Pot of Chocolat of her own Preparing; and filling my Dishes fuller than ordinary, I Conjectur'd 'twas for my good Per­formances, dash'd with a little self-interest; after which we recruited our Bottle, and renew'd our Journey; but I marked his Gate with a Cross as red as the Sign. And before we had Travel'd a Mile, the Ladies laid claim to my promise to relate my Story, which I was oblig'd to perform, and was thus.

There was a very Eminent Shopkeeper in Westminster, had the misfortune to have a very Extravagant Son, who by his Continual Profusenss, Consum'd him a great many Baggs of a certain Commodity much better then Cherry-Stones; he was not only very Indulgent to him, but Maintain'd his Family; he being of a Roving Mind, could not Confine himself to Business, but went from his Father and Family, chan­ged his Name, and Rak'd about the Town; but by Accident got Acquainted with two Young Women, who kept Shop on the Royal-Exchange; the youngest of them he Courted for a Wife, and in a short time Married her, made an Extraordinary Figure, and as Mighty Pretences; but he had not Enjoy'd her long before 'twas Discover'd, and he Oblig'd to Live with his First, who was no ways deserving of such an Unkind Action; but rather Worthier of a better Husband; and being ask'd the Reason, why he would offer to Commit Poligamy? He answer'd, Though Plurality of Caesars was not safe for a State,Plurality of Wives could be no Crime.

But the Poor Young Woman was very much Disappointed; all her hopes Blasted, and her Promising Imaginations prov'd Vain Chimera's. For he in a little time af­ter abandon'd both, and took a Trip to Jamaica, where in three Months he Married a Rich Widow, worth at least 7000 l. Sterling, and before three years was Com­pleated, she made her Exit; which he esteem'd to be the Happyest Day in all his Life, the result of all his hopes, and the only mark he aim'd at. Now being Master of a Plentiful Estate, he soon Converted it into the Commodity of the Country, and Sail'd for England, with a Joyful Heart, and Prosperous Gale; and upon his Arrival at London, found himself a double Widower, and his Exchange Wife Married to a Dutch­man, who was so Enamour'd with her Fiz, that notwithstanding he had heard of her Mis-fortune, he ty'd the Nooze, and became One Flesh, though of two very different Constitutions. She was Young and Airy, and Married him more for the sake of his Money than Person; he Old and Impotent, and as Jealous as a Spaniard, by which her Condition was much worse than before; for on the least Distaste, he would be Reflecting on her former Husband, who had not seen her since the Discovery, nor she him, but heard of his Success, though not by what means he had attain'd it; and was extream Sorry she had Contracted the last Marriage; but he having a desire to see her, tho' not to take her again as a Wife, and thinking Time, Absence, and the Alteration of his Attire, and Hair, (for when he Liv'd with her, he wore his own, but now a Full Wigg) was Disguise sufficient to Conceal him from her Knowledge; goes to the Shop, and she Congratulated him, with the usual Complement, of What do you want Sir? Two very necessary Things, Madam, said he, Clean Gloves and a Pretty Wife; and I Presume you may supply me. Of the First, Sir, answer'd his Wife, [Page 11] We have Choice; but the last is a very scarce Commodity, and very difficult to be had. I was in hopes, Madam, reply'd he, you cou'd have furnish'd me with both; but more especially the last. But she and her Partner both knew him, contrary to his Ex­pectations: Sir, said her Partner, I am perswaded you have no occasion for a Clogg; for so a Wife is generally Term'd. But such a Pretty Lady as this is, would be counted rather a Blessing. Madam, answer'd he. You wrong your Judgement very much, Sir, re­ply'd his Wife, for Nature hath not been so Liberal to me in her Indowments, as you are pleas'd to Flatter me withal. Besides I am a Wise already; and here the dull Animal comes. As he approach'd the Shop, the other spoke to him after this manner: I have been Courting this Lady for a Wife, Sir, but I find you are so happy as to be before hand with me. That's more than be knows, Sir, said she Smilling. By which he perceiv'd they knew him; but her last Husband being Ignorant who he was, took it as a great Affront, and in a mighty Passion abus'd her in a very high degree; and Upbraided her with her first Husband; which so grated his Spirits, that is reviv'd the glowing Embers of his Love, and the conceal'd Sparks broke out into a violent Flame. Thou Mercenary Villain, said he, to Upbraid thy Wife with what her Innocence was im­pos'd on; and as I am the Man that was the Agressor, I'll do her that Justice to make you ask her Pardon, here Publickly on your Knees: Or by Heaven, this Moment is your last. At which he drew his Sword, and the Glittering Steel so scar'd poor Hogan, that he presently fell on his Marrowbones, Crav'd her Pardon, and was Glad be came off so. Now, Madam, said he, to his Wife, had not you been so dis-ho­nourable to me, on the Discovery of my Contract with you, I wou'd have freed you from the Embraces of this Insipid Coxcomb; but since you was so Unkind, I can only Condole your second Mis-fortune, who was so Ungrateful to me in your first; then departed, and left poor Butter-Box, to be ridicul'd by the whole Society of Thimber­kins. A Friend of mine was an Eye Witness of this, and knew both the Husband and Wife. Without doubt, said the Gentleman, This Spark was one of Solomons Race, and Londons Master-Piece. Oh. Sir, 'tis Reported he is very much Reform'd to what he was; and Lives very Sober and Sedate. Then it ought to be Chronicl'd for a Miracle, said he.

But being come to the rocky Descent into Marlborough, we were so Damnably jolt­ed, that our Merchants Pocket Comfort Vanish'd and the Brittle Metal was shatter'd into a thousand pieces; for the Loss of which, I intail'd such a Hearty Curse on the Place, that never since hath a Coach past, but it Over-turn'd, a Waggon or Cart, but it breaks either Wheel or Axeltree, a Horse, but he Stumbles; and all the Beasts that Graze near it, Die of the Murraine: At last with the help of a couple of Gigan­tick Loobies, to support our Tottering Caravan, we got into the Town, and tipt them a Hogg for our safe Conduct.

Being come to Marlborough, we broke our fast at the Royal-Diadem, and had Mr. Mayor for our Landlord, a good jolly Bachanalian, who hath bestow'd more in adorn­ing his Fiz, than the Market-house cost Building; & being a Magistrate, I made a hea­vy Complaint against that Cursed Hill, demanded satisfaction for the dammage we had sustain'd, in breaking our Brandy Bottle, and told him, unless they took speedy Care to have it mended, I would Indite the whole Corporation. That we cannot do by no means, Sir, said he, For in so doing we should Ruine half the Town; for the dam­mage that Hill occasions, brings a Considerable Trade to our Wheel-wrights, Farriers, and Chyrurgions; also Creates no small Business to those of my own Function, and Main­tains three or four Families to support the Coaches, and assisting at other Accidents: But however, I'll present you with a fresh Cargo, and Advise you to take more Care for the future: Before we had Breakfasted, he was as good as his Word; but to retalliate his Kindness, we call'd for two or three Flasks Extraordinary.

Having lay'd a good Foundation to Travel on, we quitted Marlborough, and soon came on a curious Down, much Noted for its Flocks of Grey Weathers, which often gave us Confounded Jolts, and put us in Mind of our Landlords Caution, concerning our Bottle. But before we had Rod five Mile, we receiv'd Information of a Party of Light-Horse that lay Perdue to Ease us of our Rino. This News made us look very queer, and my Company to sink the Cole with abundance of Agility. My Mistress was in a Peck of Troubles, for the security of her Ponderous Purse; and [Page 12]I thought by the Motion of her Pettycoats, she was a going to put it where my Lady — did her Watch: Our Merchant shuffled Loose Yellow-Boys by dozens into the Lining of his Coat, and I Trusted to Providence: But at last, to our great Satis­faction, it prov'd to be a false Alarm, and by the help of our Nanterian Cordial, we Recover'd our stragling Senses: The Discourse of which lasted [...] till we got to San­dy-Lane, where the Road was so Damnable heavy, that two Mile in three hours was an Extraordinary Journey, and the Corporation-Trot to St. Pauls on Sunday, was a Fool to it: But at Jast we Arriv'd at the Sign of Chevalier Bruint, where we was to Dine.

Here we had such an Amsterdam W— for our Landlady, that the like was never heard of. She hath Buried five Husbands, never had but one Son, and he was Hang'd; thirteen Daughters, and a Dozen of them was of their Mothers Stamp, and the other Dy'd an Infant; the Old one was a Widow, her Daughters Maids, yet between them had more Children, then Rosemary-Lane assords on a Sunday; and most of their Sires was Souldiers or Cattle-Firkers. There was more Coaches and Waggons, drawn up before her Gate, then Hacks in Palace-Yard, during the Sessions of Parliament, or Term-Time. All her Entertainment is Loins of Mutton, or Rabbets; and she makes more Broth in a Day, then all the Chop-Houses in Castle-Alley in a Week. At last, with much ado, we got two of the aforesaid Dishes for Dinner, and a Nasty Jade to Attend us; who, as we understood afterwards, was one of her Daughters; but by her Looks, one would Conjecture the Devil was her Father; yet she was Recom­mended to us, for the Flower of them all: But in my Judgment the Old one is more inviting than any of her Off-Spring. The best Accommodation we had there, was the Juice of Pippins, which we Drank very Plentifully, but by it's Urinical motion, hindred Whip one Mile in four; and the Ladies Emissary, Mistress Pert, once was so hard put to it, that we thought by her Soure Looks, and the wringing of her Knees, she had the Dry-Gripes; but at last a Natural Evacuation gave her Ease, and Crea­ted [...] great deal of Laughter. Our Bill was compos'd in a few Words; and was very Moderate, considering what Extravagant Prices, we often give for Mutton and Conny in some Places.

Having Din'd, we proceeded on our Journey, but with a great of dissiculty; for the Road was so Rocky, Unlevel, and Narrow in some Places, that! am perswa­ded the Alps are to be passed with less danger, in the Performance of which, our firking Essedarian was oblig'd to use abundance of Horse-Courting-Rhetorick to his Tired Ambulators; and when that prevail'd not, to Exercise his Tickler; but we were jolted so Cursedly, that I thought it would have made a dislocation of my Bones; we all complain'd, but could find no Remedy; nor would I Advise any who have been Suf­ferers in Venus sports, to Adventure the Fatigue of a Coach to the Bath, least it dis­joynt a Member or two. At last when our Patience was almost worn out, we agreed to light rather than endure it any longer; but out Chariotier inform'd us, we were almost at our Journeys-end, which we presently found to be true, and Bath was as Welcome to us, as a good Dinner to a Covent-Garden Tooth-Picker.

Being come to the White-Hart, our long wish'd-for Port, we refreshed our selves with much Joy, after our tedious Mortifying-Journey: And there our Merchant took his Leave of us, in a fresh Coach for Brishtol: Then Enquiring for a Lodging, we were recommended to a Tonsors, whose Wife kept a Milliners-Shop in the same House, where was Accommodation for us all, tho' he had several other Lodgers in the House, of good Quality. That Night my Widow and I had an opportunity to enjoy our selves to our Mutual Satisfaction, without any suspicion, and agreed to be made one Flesh, the first opportunity that offer'd. In the Morning we were saluted▪ by the whole Fraternity of Cat-Gut-Scrapers, and cou'd not get rid of them without the Assistance of an Angel. My Mistress and her Sister would not appear Publick, till their Baggage Arriv'd from London, which they did not expect in three or four days, so I had the Liberty stroul alone.

After I had Accouter'd my self to the best Advantage, (in which I made no small Figure) I went to the Coffee-House, where I found several of my Acquaintance, who seem'd to be Over-joy'd at my Appearance, Imbrac'd and Slabber'd me, as an Old Woman does her Grand Child; asking a thousand Impertinent Questions con­cerning London, and what Company came with me? If Ladies, or Gentlement? Whe­ther [Page 13]my Quality was on the Road bound for the Bath? In which I satisfied them to the best of my knowledge; but after we had taken a dish or two, of that insipid Li­quor, we Adjourn'd to Honest C— at the Three T [...], where we Enliven'd our Souls with a Glass of good Burdeaux, and sparkling Sherry; and from thence we went to see the Diversion of the Baths.

Of which, 'tis not my Design to give you an Account of their Original, and Emi­nent Cures; or a Description of their Structure, and Noble Founders; for that's al­ready perform'd, in most of our Chronicles; but shall only hint on the Ways and Intrigues that are manag'd there during the Season.

The first we went to, is call'd the Kings; and to it joyns the Queen's, both run­ning in one; and the most famous for Cures. In this Bath wee at least Fifty of both Sexes, with a Score or two of Guides, who by their Scorbutick Carcasses, and Lacker'd Hides, you would think they had lain Pickling a Century of Years in the Stygian Lake: Some had those Infernal Emissaries to support their Impotent Limbs: Others to scrub their Putrify'd Carcasses, like a Race-Florse. In one Corner was an Old Fornicator hanging by the Rings, Loaded with a Rotten Humidity: Hard by him was a Boxom Dame, Cleansing her Nunquam Satis from Mercurial Dregs and the remains of Ro­man Vitriol. Another, half cover'd with Sear-Cloth, had more Sores than Lazarus, doing Pennance for the Sins of her Youth; At her Elbow was a Young Hero, sup­ported by a couple of Guides, rack'd with Aches and Intolerable Pains, Cursing of Middlesex Court, and Beveridges Dancing-School, as Heartily as Job the Day of his Birth. At the Pump was several a Drenching their Gullets, and Gormandizing the Reaking Liquor by Wholesale.

From thence we went to the Cross-Bath, where most of the Quality resorts, more Fam'd for Pleasure then Cures, tho' they pretend it hath wrought Miracles on Bar­ren-Soil, and wonderfully helps Conception. Not long since, a Gentleman of Qua­lity was beholden to it for an Heir, as he reported; but his Lady is of a contrary Opinion; yet I know not what Operation such Tempting Objects may have by causing Titilation, and heighten Imagination, to procure an immediate Conjunction. Here is perform'd all the Wanton Dalliancies imaginable; Celebrated Beauties, Panting Breasts, and Curious Shapes, almost Expos'd to Publick View; Languishing Eyes, Darting Killing Glances, Tempting Amorous Postures, attended by soft Mu­sick, enough to provoke a Vestal to forbidden Pleasure, Captivate a Saint, and Charm a Jove: Here was also different Sexes, from Quality to the Honourable Knights, Coun­try Put, and City Madam's: Nay, the Circumciz'd Jew, could Bathe in Delight, Swim in Pleasure with the Gentile, & out-vie a Courtier in Splendor, tho' they Crucifi'd his God; and Dispence with Christians-Flash, tho' not with Swines. The Ladies with their floating Jappan-Bowles, freighted with Confectionary Knick-Knacks, Eslences, & Per­fumes, Wade about, like Neptune's Courtiers, suppling their Industrious Joynts. The Vigorous Sperks, presenting them with several Antick Postures, as Sailing on their Backs, then Embracing the Element, sink in a Rapture, and by Accidental Design, thrust a stretch'd Arm; but where the Water conceal'd, so ought my Pen.

The Spectators in the Galleries, pleasing their Roving Fancies with this Ladies Face, anothers Eyes, a thirds heaving Breasts, and Profound Air. In one Corner stood an Old Letcher, whose years spoke him no less then threescore and ten, ma­king Love to a Young Lady, not exceeding fourteen. The usual time being come to forsake that sickle Element, Half-Tub Chairs, Lin'd with Blankets, Ply'd as thick, as Coaches at the Play-House, or Carts at the Custom-House.

Bathing being over for that Day, we went to walk in the Grove, a very pleasant Place for Diversion; there is the Royal-Oak and several Raffling Shops: In one of the Walks, is several Sets of Nine-Pins, and Attendance to wait on you: Tipping all Nine for a Guinea, is as common there, as two Farthings for a Porringer of Bar­ley-Broth, at the Hospital-Gate in Smithfield. On several of the Trees was hung a Lampoon on the Marriage of one Mr. S— a Drugmonger, and the famous Madam S— an old B— of London.

Having almost tir'd our selves with walking, we took to a Bench to ease our wea­ry Pedestals. Now, said my Friend, I'll give you an impartial Account of the Per­fections, Qualities and Functions, of a few particular Persons that are among [Page 14]this Amphibious Crowd. For notwithstanding I have been here not above a Fort­night, I am as well acquainted with the Town and its Intrigues, as old Justice P— with More-fields and Drury-Lane Bawdy-Houses.

Those two Ladies with the Gentleman in Blew, are Sisters, live near the Church that is Dedicated to a Saint who expir'd on a Gridiron, they are Amorous Dames; the Gentleman is a Broken Officer, and lives better on their Allowances, than he could on his Pay. This gentlewoman in the White-Damesk Cown, is a Sea-Cap­tains Lady; who, while her Corniferous Mate is Plowing the Ocean, takes Care to Manure his Pasture, that he may have a Fruitful Crop this Harvest. That Foppish Beau in Scarlet Stockings, whose Hilt of his Sword bears a bob with his Calves, and his Jubilee Hatband lies stitch'd cross the Crown, was a Pettycoat-Pensioner to Ma­dam C—near Bucklersbury; but being lately Discarded, is come down here for pro­motion. That young Lady with the Gold Orice Pettycoat, was a great Fortune, and not long since was Married to a Flannel Wastecoat, and a double Night-Cap of the same Stuff; but now by reason of her Husbands Imbecility, is forc'd to have re­course to the Bath. That Tall Gentleman attended by three Liveries, is something of Quality, a right Courtier, for he abhors the Cirizens Wives as much as the Sword-Bearer does Custard. That Broad-price Doctor, in the Diminutive Band, makes a Pur­chase every year by the Wickedness of the Age; and Vindicates W—ing more than ever G.K—Writ against the Quakers. That Pert young Gentlewoman with the two Silver Fringes, was compell'd by her Friends to Marry a Slovenly Stechjobber, and now is surfeited with his Embraces; and came to the Bath to mend his Breed. That Crafty Priest, that Son of Levi, is as fickle as a Weather-Cock, and would sooner discard a good Conscience, then a fat Benefice. This Tun of Iniquity, in the Crim­son Gown, with Monsicur at her Elbow, two Dewils behind her, and Aetna in her Face, all the Water in the Severn is not able to Quench her desires; she is a second Masse­lina, will tire, but ne'er be satisfi'd; she hath already quarter'd a Troop of French Dragoons, a Regiment of Dutchmen, and now is come to Exercise a Battalion of Brittains. That Powder'd Labster in the Edg'd Hat, is the Spawn of a Broker; from thence Evapulated to a Bully, now shams an Officer, sets up for a Stallion of the first Rank, and pretends he receives several Favours from a Qualitificated Lady. That Spark with his Hat under his Arm, is a Limb of the Law, but hath Studied Cham­berlins Midwifry, more than Cook's Reports. That Dowdy Minx in the Scarlet Top­ping, and Pink'd Scarff, is the Relick of a broken Grocer; an Industrious Woman, for her Head's no sooner lay'd, but her Breech is at Work. In short, for Fops, Beaus, and Bellfa's, this Place exceeds Greys-Inn-Walks on Sunday Evening; and consists of greater variety of Persons, Remarkable for some Vice or Folly, than there are Ingredients in a Lombard-Pye for a City Feast; to give you a particular Description of each of 'em, will require a Weeks time at least. Come therefore, let's go to some Tipling Mansion, and Carouse, till we have Exbilerated our Drowthy Souls: To which I readily agreed. About five in the Evening, we went to a see a great Match at Bowling; there was Quality, and Reverend Doctors of both Professions, Topping Merchants, Broken Bankers, Noted Mercers, Inns-of Court Rales, City Beaus, Stray'd Prentices, and Dancing-Masters in abundance. Fly, fly, fly, fly; said one: Rub, rub, rub, rub, cry'd another. Ten Guinies to five, I Ʋncover the Jack, says a third, Danon these Nice Fingers of mine, cry'd my Lord, I Slipt my Bowl, and mistook the Bias. Ano­ther Swearing he knew the Ground to an Inch, and would hold five Pound his Bowl came in. But in short, the Citizens won the Courtiers Money, and the Courtiers Swore to be Reveng'd on their Wives, and Daughters.

From hence we went to the Groom-Porters, where they were a Labouring like so many Ancher-Smiths, at the Oake, Bach Gammon, Tick-Tack, Irish, Basset, and throwing of Mains. There was Palming, Lodging, Loaded Dice, Levant, and Gammoning, with all the Speed imaginable; but the Cornish Rook was too hard for them all. The Bristol Fair Sparks had but a very had Bargain of it; and little occasion for Returns. Bank-Bills, and Exchequer-Notes, were as Plenty, as Fops at the Chocolat-Houses, or Pater-noster-Row. Having satisfied our Curiosity here; we lest them as busie a shaking their Elbows, as the Apple-woman in Stocks-Market, Wallnuts in October.

And meeting with three or four more Acquaintance, we Stroul'd to a Bristol-Milk [Page 15]Dary-House, and Enjoy'd ourselves like brave Bacchanalians. At Night I stole into my Mistresses Arms, as Vigorous, as Youth, Beauty, Wine and Love, could inspire me; but she urging mightily for a speedy Marriage, which I was not very back­ward to, we agreed to be Riveted the next Morning; she undertaking to ingage the Maid to Assist her, and I, our Landlord, to procure a Minister; which accordingly was perform'd the next day, with a great deal of Secresie, at the Expence of half a score Guineas; and Spouse desir'd it might not be known while we continu'd in the Country, for some particular Reasons. Now being joyn'd by the Priest, Ma­dam Bride, and Mrs. Pert, managed it so, that we lay together without any Mistrust. Let a Woman alone for a Contrivance, to obtain her Desires.

About Ten in the Morning, I was sent for by some Acquaintance, to the general Rendezvouz—Coffee-House, where Fools, Cullies, Squires, Beaus, & Criticks, resort as thick, as Stock-Jobbers about the Effigies on the Royal-Exchange; here Witicism was Abdicated, and Nonsence banded to and fro, like a Shuttle-Cock. The last Nights Intrigue Whisper'd with abundance of Caution, and that Nights Ball was Prognosticated would be very Noble, for 'twas given by a Lady of Quality, and after an hour or two of their insipid Fustian and Block-headly Combate, we went to Raffle for a Present for our Mistresses; and with the loss of a Guinea, I brought off a curious Snush-Box, worth four: But tho' I was Fortunes Favorite, she Bilk'd a young Mercer of twenty Jacobusses, and at the Oake the same Night double the Number, and a Bay Gelding.

From thence we went to the Hot-Bath, and Leapers-Bath, but there was nothing worth our Observation, but a parcel of old Crutches, hung up in Memory of the Persons that receiv'd those Miraculous Cures. The next place we adjourn'd to, was to Herrid Tones; where we had good Wine, and better Company; and being my Wedding-Day, I went home to Dine with my Bride, and in the Evening pre­vail'd with her to go to the Ball.

Which is always kept at the Town-Hall, a very spacious Room, and fitted up for that Purpose. During which, the Door is kept by a couple of Brawny Beadles, to keep out the Mobility, looking as fierce as the Uncouth Figures at Guild-Hall; there was Extraordinary Fine Dancing, (and how cou'd it otherwise chuse?) for Spouse and I had a Hand in it. A Consort of Delicate Musick, Vocal and Instrumental, per­form'd by good Masters: A Noble Collation of dry Sweet-Meats, Rich Wine, and Large Attendance. The Lady who was the Doner, wore an Extraordinary Rich Favour, to distinguish her from the rest, which is always the Custome; and before they break up, to chuse another for the next Day, which fell upon a Shentleman of Wales; but nor no ways Derogated from her Honour, or Disperag'd her Coun­trey in the least, but hur was as Noble, and as Generous, as e'er an English Shentle­man of them all: To hur Honour be it Spoke.

The next Day the Ladies Baggage Arriv'd from London; then they made as top­ping a Figure as any of them are, and the first Night after their Publick Appear­ance, we were so troubl'd with some Serenading Coxcombs, that the whole Family got up, and had not Mrs. Betty, been vigilant, my new Adopted Flesh and I, had been catch'd abed together; for which good Service, I rewarded her with a broad piece of her own Name. A Sunday we went to Church to the Abby, a very Ancient Ca­thedral piece of Antiquity, and kept as badly in repair; 'tis Crowded during Divine Service, as much as St. Pauls, in which time there is more Billet Deaux convey'd to the Ladies, than Notes to desire the Prayers of the Congregation at B's—Meeting-House: And as the Ingenious Doctor in his Discourse, told the Audience, He was afraid most of them came more out of Custome and Formality, than in Devotion to the Sa­cred Deity, or a suitable Reverence to the Place of Worship. Which was very True, I am Confident, and the Ladies were the only Saints several came there to Adore; as this Billet Deaux will confirm; it was convey'd in a Candid Orange to a Lady in one of the Galleries, which she by Accident dropt, and I had the Fortune to find.

In the Evening we took a Walk into the Meadows, much resorted to for plea­sant Rivers, and delicate Walks; 'tis a second Hide-Park for Coaches, and a St. James's for Beau's and Belfa's of all sorts; there was Chaucer's Sempstress, my Lord R— Mantua-Makers dandled by Cringing Fops, Antick Beaus, and Blustering Bullies Innumerable, London-Jilts with Tails like Countesses, and case-harden'd Im­pudence; bantering Young Squires, and Shopkeepers Prentices: Nay my Millenian Landlady, and her Sister, was there Intriguing, and as well match'd as a pair of Nice Coach-Horses; much Admired, the one for an obliging Temper, the other for a Beauty; but ask honest Punch the Pastry-Cook, he'll tell you they Rival each other in their own proper Qalifications.

After an Hour or two's Walking, I Treated my Ladies with the best the Place afforded, and then returned Home: But the next Morning I receiv'd a Letter of Advice from London, of the Death of an Aunt, who had made me her Heir; which put me in mind of the Old Proverb, It never Rains, but must Pour. However this was no ill News to my Bride, nor me neither; only requiring my speedy appear­ance at London; but I promised Spouse, and the rest of my Acquaintance, to be with them again in a Fortnights time, and tho' an Heir, took Leave of them with as much Regret, as the Dutch-Guards of Kensington; and the next Morning took Post for London. Having now given you an Account of my successful Step, I'll make bold, and give you my Sentiments of the BATH.