HERO AND LEANDER. IN BURLESQUE.
THe Towns of Sestus and Abidus stood
As near to one another as they cou'd;
For spightfull Hellespont still 'tween them ran,
Of whose outragiousness you'l hear anon:
Yet that they still communicated, note,
By floating Bridge now call'd a Ferry-boat,
[Page 2] Which if this year lay on Abidus's side,
The next to Sestian Dock was to be ty'd:
For Senates sage of both Towns cou'd agree
By turns to be the Masters of the Sea:
But always when Abidus had the Boat,
The State, and it had but the same Pylot;
A shrewd old Swabber with a neck a tight,
And evermore inclined to the right;
His fellow Burgers sage remark, and cause
Why he was chosen fisher of the Laws:
Besides the scituation of his ears
They saw was such, no trayt'rous whisperers
Could easily approach them, one was still
Prickt up to heaven to receive her will,
T'other did earthward lop, good man, with pain
To hear the needy, and oppress'd complain.
[Page 3] But when you know his Education, you'l
Allow the man in all points fit to rule.
He was brought up to danger, and to rapin,
Dabled ith'sea, and with a line, and a pin,
Which the young Urchin cunningly wou'd crook,
With fly, or worm disguise it then, and rook
The Ocean of her fish; for e're a Swabber
He was a Sprat-catcher, or good Eele-bobber.
Alcides when a whuleing piss-abed
By Poets (if you'l trust 'em) hath been sed
Over a thumping Adder to prevail;
This little Rogue cou'd hold an Eele by th'tail:
And with his strength his art increas'd, was able
Soon well to steer a Skiff, and grasp a Cable,
Cou'd tack about, shift sails, wheadle the wind,
And make it come before him, or behind:
[Page 4] Knew where the rocks did ly, & sneaking shelves,
And places where bold men might drown themselves;
Kenn'd Storms far off, knew whether they had more
A mind to come to Sea, or stay a shore:
But to be short, and plain, he knew as well
The Sea, as Beggar doth his Dish, cou'd tell
What the least Cockle did in's shell, and guess
How many arms length where 'twas bottomless;
Such was the man for sway, you'l think him now
Worthy as Roman newly ta'ne from Plow:
Yet know his praises I have not begun,
Fine Gentleman Leander was his Son,
With whose most gen'rous inclination he
To's cost (few Fathers doe so) did agree,
[Page 5] And bound him Prentice to a worthy Barber,
The best, not such another in the harbour,
Unless our poor Leander had liv'd to't
Most probable opinion to confute.
He was so handy, nimble, tight, so neat
In's person, and his implements compleat:
His Towels, like his skin, were white, and fine,
Nought but his face his bason could out-shine;
So pickt, so wash't his Combes of Ivory,
Unless his teeth their whiteness nought came nigh,
With others that were made of horn, or box,
He often wou'd compare his golden locks;
With whom (if none had too much beard) he'd play,
And innocently sport out half the day;
But when you did sit down, with such a grace
Handled your throat, your ears, your nose, your face,
[Page 6] Tickled where others pain; Maids who did eye him
Wish'd themselves Satyrs to be trimmed by him:
Cou'd dive into the channels of your brain,
And with a feat dexterity make plain
The passage, though before 'twas nere so rough,
Yet with less pain to you, then taking snuff;
For he wore nails as long as bill of Bittern,
For that to scrape teeth, and to play on Cittern;
Nay he had all good qualities, cou'd tye
A Cuff-String, or Crevat so jantyly:
With all had conscience, and for copper spanker
Wou'd make Sea-faring beard look like an anchor.
For's mettle, and agility, with which
Writers are bound their Heroes to inrich;
I must confess I can't say much, but know
For certain he could crindge, and bow full low.
[Page 7] For throwing of the Bar he never car'd,
Cudgels, nor wrestling, that I ever heard,
Or any brutish sports, which make men wrangle;
On Holy-days he went alone to angle;
Lov'd swimming well, and swam like any Duck;
But where most skill there ever is least luck:
And Arts, like women after a long wooing,
Oft shame our industry, and prove undoing.
Now towe me Muse o're to the other side,
Where most egregious Hero did abide;
You sacred Dame I mean who once did steer
The prosp'rous praise of great Magnanos dear;
If you have any time, help me ashore
With Heros commendation, and though poor
I am, in socket trimm'd with bayes I swear,
I'll tall rush candle to thy glory rear;
[Page 8] Which likewise may as Pharo serve to light
Your groaping Orators, when it is night,
Throughout Parnassus; come 'tis as folks say,
Who'd have his business done, must bribe, not pray.
What do you pause at now? I know as Muse
To scorn good wages was your simple use;
With me hang not an arse: Hero then was
A bonny buxom bounsing Sestian Lass,
Of all the Grecian Girls the very Flower,
Liv'd at the Towns end at the sign of Tower,
With her own Mother a large hearted woman,
Whose house to merry Greeks was alway common;
A comely Widow, and had long been so,
For th'oldest in the town did never know
The Father of fine Hero, whence disputes
That some Sea-god disguis'd in fishing boots
[Page 9] Did catch her on the shore, & there did strand her,
And so contriv'd a Mistress for Leander.
But whether so, or no, or how it was,
She grew too great for Mortal to embrace,
And haughtily did stave off many proffers,
Resolv'd to keep the Keys of her own Coffers,
And scorn'd to be with any a yoke-fellow,
Or to admit competitor of pillow:
But kept the Empire of her bed to cough,
Snore, belch, break wind, and no one shou'd cry soh:
And hows'ere Love, and Lover did contrive it,
The cunning willful Widow did not wive it,
Unless she practis'd secret Matrimony,
For licence but for wine she had not any.
But what of that? I warrant she was wise
Enough to keep her self from Church Excise.
[Page 10] Was Hero not in spight of all the Clerg'in
Sestus, and what they all cou'd do, a Virgin?
And to her Mother was but young, yet cou'd
Some say as much as she, nay much more did
Within-doors, and long of her complaisance
It was, her mothers liquor had good utterance.
For she was still in motion, now i'th'Garret,
And strait down in the Cellar drawing Clarret;
Hasty as lightning she wou'd shoot the stairs,
If no one did oppose her unawares;
Wou'd bolt into the room like startled Cunny,
But still dropt at the door due Ceremony;
Then mumpt out, Gentlemen what d'you lack—
When strait she's answer'd with a bob, or smack:
But some one rising, in her ear doth tell her,
She answers him aloud, the best i'th'Cellar:
[Page 11] He follows down, and broaches where he will,
But with a gentle caution not to spill.
She made, and unmade beds most nimblely,
Not like her Dammes, hers was a slim-belly:
And now and then, with her sweet company
Cou'd satisfy gay guest for lodging high;
His rageing bowels supper should not miss,
For she cou'd stay a stomack with a kiss:
At coming in and out cou'd complement
The guests, and give 'um marvelous content.
For truly she well-spoken damsel was,
Like fav'rite Advocate brought all to pass,
And not as foolish Maids with nature nice,
But boldly us'd her own good qualities
Not only for her self, but other foke,
Cou'd break mad ranting Girls to th'marriage yoke.
[Page 12] To bashful, or dumb Lovers she was common,
And publick mouth, or as we say, Spokes-woman:
In other terms a Maidenhead-ensurer,
A Wife, or as it were a Wife-procurer:
For in old Grecian Writ it manifest is,
Hero had Orders, and was Venus Priestess.
At once she drew, and answer'd Lovers pleas,
'Tween them she made, and carry'd messages,
Hagler of chere entier, and did supply,
For modest gain, humane necessity;
But needy folks for nothing wou'd relieve▪
And still of her own store was free to give.
She was, I vow and swear, as good a creature
As ever wore bright Symptome of good nature,
Loves Cobweb, or his net, or golden fleece,
As Poets say, who can choose Mistresses,
[Page 13] And they their meanest Heroe will not bed,
With any thing whose Hair is not Fox-red.
Her Brows soft Fur was of a paler Dye,
Conformable to that which prettily
Peep'd on her upper Lip, and cowardly
Made shew of Heroine Virility.
Day in her large Cow-Eyes was broad awake,
No heavy sleepy Morn there seem'd to break.
Sir Phoebus given, as you know, to flatter,
With his own Lustre did her Face bespatter:
For then Freckles of night on Cheeks not strew'd
To make the White remaining be allow'd:
Her Lips—but stay, was not Pigmalion won
With a senseless Description of his own?
Let it suffice then all who are concern'd,
That in her Face 'twas openly discern'd
[Page 14] How near she was to Venus in her place;
And by her Stature seen her Heavenly Race:
For she not only streight, but tall as Mast:
Beauty's whole World in all perfection vast.
Yearly at Sestus Town for Venus sake,
Mother of Wakes, was kept a jolly Wake:
But Greeks say 'twas a customary Howling
For her Adonis, or Annual Condoling
Their Goddesses and Countries active Drudge,
Who keenly carry'd on their mortal Grudge
Against a certain Outlaw, who i'th' Woods
Reign'd Lord, and King, and liv'd on true mens Goods:
That reap'd and mow'd where he did never plow,
But where he plow'd, none e're cou'd reap or mow:
[Page 15] Who Plow-mans Joy did trample under foot,
And Tyrant-like, let nothing near him sprout.
But those small faults, such as the Greeks cou'd pardon,
And composition Carrots out of Garden
Had giv'n him yearly, wou'd the Churl have spar'd
But their meat, drink, and cloth in the Vineyard:
Yet he wou'd not be wean'd; but at their charges
Basely alone went on carowsing Verjuice,
And was before the pressing of the Liquor,
Of jolly Grecian Bowls the shrewdest Nicker:
Whence all the thirsty Greeks grew mad, & swore
Deeply, they'd drink the rest out in his Gore;
And straight the bold Associates pitch'd upon
A Chief to lead them, or to bid 'em on;
Who though he had no hair on Chin, or Brest▪
Had Valour nevertheless most manifest:
[Page 16] And Mars himself 'tis thought hath oft out-done;
For it is certain Venus loved none
Like him of all her Lusty Boys, and Cronies
Good Bit of flesh, call'd as I said, Adonis;
Had gift of Vigilance to boot, no Snorter:
Must rise betimes that cou'd beat up his Quarter;
For when Night 'gan to peel, and Day was dawning,
Up he wou'd get, and leave his Goddess yawning,
Who waking, turn'd to th' Wall, and thought t'ave had 'im,
As other Utensils, where she had laid him;
But found the eager Huntsman still would leap
The Fence, not taking notice of the Gap:
Whence straight in rage she call'd him curtail'd Fellow,
And then to ease her heart, she cuff'd her Pillow.
[Page 17] So when the Hare is mist where she was squatting,
Next Bush the mump'd Pursuers fall a beating.
But when sh'ad paus'd (quoth she) 'tis Phoebe is chief
Cause, and Contriver alway of my Mischief:
That long-legg'd Ramp, that daggle-tail'd she-Ranger,
To well disposed Folkes still Dog in Manger:
She leads the able Youth astray, bewitches
Them with that early Itch of leaping Ditches;
And in their warm Bed will not let them tarry,
Where if they love toil they might be aweary,
And to the prickly Thickets need not roam;
Till out of breath might beat the Bush at home.
But let 'um go like Fops, for know stale Maid,
(With that she snear'd) that we have men more staid,
[Page 18] And you but spoil our sport to make it better,
And when my Foe, in truth art but my Setter.
So fumbling Bards do oft depose a Rhime,
But to admit one that will better chime.
Mean while the Goddess held all these discourses,
Adonis was a tooting for his forces:
For note though Hunting's said to be in fashion,
Much like to grinning Honours Recreation;
In this they disagree, for in the War
O'th Woods, the Captain is the Trumpeter,
And makes the first proof of his scorning Death,
By being free, and lavish of his Breath.
So did our Leader, who when he had drawn
His Band of Green-coats out upon the Lawn,
By Proverbs sage advise to scape a trip,
Resolv'd with them to look ere he did leap;
[Page 19] Which to wise Warriors custom is according,
Who ere they fall to Blows, do fall a Wording;
By which means those that are in Reason stout,
The Enemy before they see him, rout.
And first as they in Story oft did find,
Sly Ancients did, they made the most o'th' wind:
Then sent abroad their Scouts, which man still reckons
In time of War or Peace, his faithful Seconds.
For when the Shepherd hath a mind to sleep,
They are the Guard, and Hectors of the Sheep;
And when it is his pleasure to go murther,
In that Heroick Vertue none go further;
So that if I may judge, they have much wrong,
To be left out of Registering Song.
But he which makes, not he who ends the quarrel,
Is known to run away still with the Lawrel.
[Page 20] But to leave off the wont Poetick Pother,
Small sense with heaps of words t'orelay and smother.
The Chase, know then in few words, was begun,
And nimble Rogues had got the start o'th' Sun,
And to the Forest merrily did trudge
With Pole on shoulder to leap Ditch, or Hedge,
Which Pole (some say) had iron Peg at end on't,
In case that Boar should chance to prove Defendant.
By Thorn, or Holly Turn-pikes of the Wood
The doubty Yongsters scorn'd to be withstood;
For through the surly Thickets each did rush,
And manfully then fall upon his Bush:
So that, alas, throughout the spacious Forest,
The smallest of her Tenants cou'd have no rest.
[Page 21] The Hare [...] lurking Cunny, and the Squirril,
Must all have then sate still at their own peril.
For lazy [...] himself began to reckon
That he [...] move if he wou'd save his Bacon;
And as all Heroes who are truly bred,
Scorn'd to be caught by sneaking Death abed;
So took his heels; yet as bold Parthian,
His teasing Foes still wounding as he ran:
But finding odds against him, not afraid,
Yet danger prudently with honour weigh'd;
And since not able to resist their force,
Bravely resolv'd to beat 'um in a course:
Or rather (as some guess) he had the cunning
Of the sly Roman who made a shew of running,
His Foes not to avoid, but separate;
That singly with 'em he might try his fate.
[Page 22] For when the Sentinel Adonis popt
Out of his Hawthorn ambush, strait he stopt;
And Youth no sooner shew'd his meaning cruel,
But Boar tossing his Snout, receiv'd the Duel.
But Fate not half so meek as now adays,
Contented to take up with bloodless frays,
Sends folkes afield to measure Swords, and Valour,
And after trial neither found the taller;
But both lest Fame should lie, do live to tell
The world that they were both invincible:
Nor then was Honour bound by Law of Quarter,
To chouse her self of many a brave Martyr.
The Boar, as wise folkes say, harm watch, harm catch,
In's own defence, his Huntsman did dispatch:
Now tender Virgins who are always ready
To shew y'ave bowels, hold yet till I bed ye:
[Page 23] Hold, hold, I say, a while, if ye are able,
For Subject to ensue more lamentable.
The savage Conqueror not satisfy'd,
Till's stomack as his vengeance he had cly'd,
And Tartar-like not only to o'rethrow
Contented, but must dine upon his Foe,
Alas! first of that chary Morsel carv'd
Sacred to Venus, while she for it starv'd,
And many others since, by the Confession
Of Sestian Virgins yearly Lamentation,
In which poor Hero bore the greatest part,
And wronging none did take it most to heart;
And yet her Beauty truckled not to grief,
For both she was the Representative
Of Widow Venus, and at once did make
Stout hearts with Love and Pity both to ake;
[Page 24] But most the Youngsters of Abidus, who
Came o're the water but to see the show;
The show! fie, let's employ words more in fashion;
The holy March, or Trapesing, or Procession:
Much such as now adays when to keep Noses
From sense of Death, are worn Rosemary Posies.
But how now fisking Muse, again a straying?
Let's back to Hero, who as I was saying
Did lead the dumpish Rout, which 'twas suspitious
Whether to her, or to the day officious;
For some 'tis sure scorning the Gods to flatter,
But cause she went before to Church, went a'ter.
So if the Gods good Houses have resort,
Our mortal Goddesses they may thank for't.
But she minding her grief, or pride to chear
Their drooping hearts, refus'd but with a Lear,
[Page 25] And but when each the other 'gan to justle,
And only to come near her made a bustle,
Turn'd to 'um, yet with hanging Lip, and Frown,
T' assure 'um she wou'd not be blown upon.
So have I—but comparisons are odious,
Yet tell not me with Rhimes So is commodious;
So then as Hero I have seen the teasty
Proud paramour of the Heroick Masty,
Trot on in hast; and would not deign to mind
Humble Addresses made to her behind;
Unless, as with her Betters 'tis the fashion,
To snub, to snarl at, or snap up a passion.
So all Loves mystery is jogging on,
And savage Mistresses must be run down.
Leander knew't, and therefore did not falter
In's course, but chas'd fair Murdress to the Altar,
And Supplicants with smerking looks cajol'd.
But if some medling Gossip should ask why,
As ev'ry other watchful Deity,
She in her Temple did not stand upright:
In t'other posture sure she did delight,
Above them all; nor was her comely mold
Of Marblefram'd, obdurate still, and cold,
But willing Wax, whose nature did express
The complaisant, and gentle Goddesses.
Nor did she, as all other heav'nly fo'ke,
Put Mortals to the charge of Veil, or Frock,
Mortals whose blind Zeal so the Gods blaspheme,
Imputing to their spotless Worships shame:
[Page 27] She graciously shew'd all, so did provoke
To Adoration the most frozen stock.
The little Ape her Son with Bow unbent
(As shock guarding the Toes of Monument)
Lay at her feet, but not to hold'um, for
She like her self Compulsion did abhor;
As on the Chappel walls it oft appear'd,
Which Daw ber without Pencil had besmear'd
With artful scratches, and in smutty scores
Of Charcole smutty doings, or Amours
Of Gods laid open, but in manner ampler,
Then in Madam Arachnes bawdy Sampler.
Nay sure they were the Types, Hints, or Instructions
To Aretines pathetical Productions,
[Page 28] The modest Aretine; for none of those
Was he, whose Art on Nature [...] impose:
Pragmatick saucy slaves who take upon [...]
To teach their Dame, they might as well their Grannum;
And with Mechanick Drapery do hide
But their own botches, and frank Natures pride,
At least unreas'nably from neck do stretch
White Hankerchief to cover whiter Breech,
And for the naked Nymphs of their own Locks
Contrive 'um Aprons, Petticoats, and Smocks:
But Apron sure not one of them must lack,
Though the poor Slut hath ne're a Rag to'r back,
For they to any thing will run o'th' score,
Rather than Nymph shou'd Facing want before.
They'll pluck Loves Wings, and tear his Clout from's eyes,
[Page 29] Take Satyrs Beard, Fawns Scut, so mak't appear
Like Russians Cap, or Frizlanders Montier;
Take Monkeys tickling Paw, or Ear of Dazy,
While four-leg'd Favourite in Lap is lazy;
Take shading Branches from the Trees high top:
But Aretine not so
He complaisant to Nature, and to Female,
Alloweth her no Covering, but the Male:
And precious things of man doth only hide
In Cabinet which Nature did provide.
But Virgin who perhaps may long to know
What Gods o'th' Temple-walls did seem to do,
Faith I do beg thy pardon, for 'tis certain
I've been too long in drawing of the Curtain:
Yet I might hope that patience Feminine
Wou'd stay the praising of great Aretine.
[Page 30] First Jove the surly Master of the Fam'ly
Had left off's Thunder, and there look'd so tamely,
And turn'd away his feather'd Steed, for hark ye,
His Eagle was not hatch'd of Tuscan Turkey:
Therefore he in her stead did then bestride
A plump young Goldy-lock call'd Ganimed;
Which though performed flyly under cloak,
Made of the thickest of Aetherial smoak,
He there was found out by his restless Juno,
(The Jealous have but little sleep, as you know)
For rage o'th' sight her blew-thin-lip she bit;
And tore her Smock from Navel down to'r feet;
So shew'd her own, and Husbands discontent,
Which made him leave her, and his high-built Palace,
To seek him to his heav'nly Gusto a Lass.
[Page 31] And if he had not, he had been to blame,
To lie still with his Sister was a shame.
To th' whoring Earth incognito he goes,
But not as Gallants now with Cloak o're Nose;
The habit of a Town-bull there he took,
Not to bear yoke, but ramping Nymph o're brook;
And the all-knowing four-legg'd Thunderer
To get upon her, first got under her.
So Bow must bend (as Cupid makes it out)
Ere the aim'd Arrow does come near the Clout:
And all but Whore, and Widow Amazon
By sneaking, and submission still are won.
In the next place th' immortal Bullock did
Gore his dear Heifer Io till she bled.
Then was he seen in shining Coat of Mail
Of Ginneys, Danaes Fortress to assail;
[Page 32] Meer Whore who till she was greas'd in the Fist,
Was always devilish streight about the Twist.
Then Laeda he appeared to trapan;
Who taking him but for a Goose or Swan,
Lay still like Stock;
Next with Asteria he did seem to struggle,
And you may swear he made not the spread Eagle.
But yet in all this sport his Royal Dame
Was but an envious looker on o'th' Game.
With her he did not deal a single Bout;
For Wrangler, or for Wife she was shut out.
The heav'nly Ruffian next as stout's he is,
By naked Venus was brought on his knees:
Hers, and her Husbands Pris'ner, for a Grate
He made for warlike Bum to look out at.
[Page 33] O subtilty of thinking Cuckolds Brains,
Who still blow up themselves with their own trains!
Vulcan, thou only didst a fault proclaim,
Of which thou only wer't to bear the shame:
In the next place the Queen of Sluts alone is
With dainty fine Hober-de-hoy Adonis,
Who for his part much rather wou'd have bin
A setting Springes, laying Snare, or Gin,
Than lie a Pris'ner in a Female Trap,
Or irksom Pitfal of a Womans Lap.
Yet from her for his heart he cou'd not flirt,
Sh'ad better hold than by the tail of Shirt.
Apollo then in Shepherds Calves-skin sute
(As Francion) taught a Wench to play o'th' Lute.
Neptune like Sea-Calf next upon a Bed
Of Sedges got Aeolian Maidenhead.
[Page 34] Then nimming Mercury with his sly Art,
Went the next way to steal a Maidens heart,
With Picklock opening Virgin Chest,
Where still the more is robb'd, the less is mist.
His Wench did seem to sleep, but though Dogsleep,
Such was his Art, she nought from him cou'd keep.
Then Saturn whom time almost made a Guelding,
To get a manly Fole leap'd kicking Heiding.
The Wood-Gods next appear'd in Dells and Ditches,
A clapping of some Ramping Wenches Breeches.
And here and there a two legg'd Goat a rutting,
With little Sluts that thither came a nutting.
And while in private shades the Nymphs lay snug,
Kind Satyrs cover'd them with living Rug.
[Page 35] And lest they for their scratching Dame should whoop,
They with their Tongues and Beard their mouths did stop.
For honour then of white-breech'd Patroness,
The Dawber thought that he cou'd do no less
Than judgment draw, judgment not to afright
(Like Angelo's) Spectators, but delight.
It was that of the upright Phrygian judge,
To whom three squabling Goddesses did trudge,
And by the fair Looks of her Face and Breech,
Each from his hand the Golden Ball beseech.
But if in Dawber there be any trust,
To Venus giving it, he was most just.
Yet some say she brib'd him, as he did her,
And gave the Ball for, Wench that made great stir;
[Page 36] For Pimp as well as Lawyer doth deserve his
Reward before that he hath done his Service;
Since he's a Pleader too, and doth discover
The miserable case of Plaintiffe Lover,
And seldom 'tis but does obtain Relief.
But what before was I a saying? if
That Venus's Competitors were such
As Painter made 'um, no true man would grutch
Her sure the sentence; and to bring't to trial
Before plain-dealing Swain, yet youthful Spy-all
Offore-sight Juno sage had not a whit,
And Pallas, though a snotty Nose, no Wit.
What though Dame Juno there appear'd so proper,
That not a Car-man in the World could top her:
And Dawber gorgeously her head had drest;
For her dear Peacocks Rump paid for her Crest;
[Page 37] And had bestow'd on her the killing meen
Of Drunkards Eye, Purse-mouth, and bridled Chin
Made up; but kindness more than that came to
She had, he made her stand cross-legg'd, that so
What 'twas a shame to see might lurk behind;
That which is out of sight is out of mind.
And sure the heav'nly What-d'y'-calt's dimension
Cou'd not be spann'd by mortal comprehension.
For there was left apparent competency
For the most hungry Youngsters, who do fancy
Of that good thing they ne'r can have enough,
Until they are condemn'd unto the proof.
But married men, ye greedy dogs can tell ye,
Your Eyes are always bigger than your Belly.
What though Dame Pallas too was trick'd up in
A French Hood not of Velvet, but of Tin;
[Page 38] So Trulla have I seen in Coif of Mettle,
To ease her dear Lords shoulder of a Kettle;
But such as our bright Amazons now wear,
When to Hide-Park they ride to make fokes stare,
O Wits, was your Aunt Pallas's Montier!
By whose reflection as a face divine
In flaunting Coyf of Glory hers did shine.
With meen was furnish'd too by Dawber partial,
Keen as her Thought, and as her Head-piece Martial.
Her Mouth the Mansion of her Charms, or Shop
Of Eloquence he kindly had set ope,
To shew she was a Wit; but sure moreover
The vastness of its Treasure to discover.
For not like common Baggage, or mean Girl,
Were her Gums set with beggarly seed Pearl:
[Page 39] But such each was as you might see, when State
Bids the great Spanish Monarch cock his Hat;
Or else in Chamber of Escurial most rich,
Is hung as in spruce Parlour Egg of Estrich.
And (as for Juno's) to keep Judge from loathing,
For her Obscenity he found a cloathing,
Causing a Flap, or Apron natural
Half way down to her knees to fall.
But do the Artist what he cou'd, a Blouze
She was, and Juno too to Vulcan's Spouse,
Who though with Mars had newly had a Ruffle,
And black and blew eyes had got in the Scuffle,
Was tumbled, jumbled, tous'd, and mous'd, and wurry'd,
And so disturb'd the Pigs-tails on her Forehead;
The native Corral of her Lip too missing,
By boyst'rous sharp-set Hectors cruel kissing:
[Page 40] But not as some may doubt were the fair Cherries
By smutty Cuckolds Chaps turn'd to Mulberries:
Yet howso'ere her Graces were impair'd,
The Judge for's heart cou'd not defer's award,
But strait his Conscience in his Face up-star'd.
And while the wonder of her Form he kenn'd,
All that he had about him stood an end,
The sole unfeigned way Lass to commend.
Of Hero's such Leander's commendation,
Who made (while she to th'Gods) to her Oration.
But hold a stroak, you nimble Slut; for sure
We skip the Chappels choicest Furniture,
Which for the sake of Sex inquisitive,
For tail of our Description I'll retrive;
Though you wou'd let it, to save pains, escape us.
The Romans had a God well-known Priapus:
[Page 41] The Greeks too had the like, for Heathen none
So blind, but his Almightiship wou'd own.
And Romans now who their old Gods reject,
Have seriously for him a great respect.
The mighty, and yet humble God did dwell
There to his mind in dark, and narrow Cell:
But cou'd not hide himself; for pale-fac'd Rout
Of Virgin Penitents soon found him out:
And Mother, and the Son lay both unheeded,
While they invoked him whose aid they needed,
And not the common way did they adore him;
But as they should, lay prostrated before him.
The little piss-tail Girls made long Oration
To's Worship, to be freed from Chalkes temptation
[Page 42] The ugly stale despairing Maids petition
But in a Dream for's heav'nly apparition.
New marri'd Dames did only laud his Name,
And seem'd his Bounty to receive with shame.
But the starv'd Widows were importunate,
As Spanish Beggars who do scorn to wait;
And ask as if they would not be deni'd,
And yet so as they cannot be suppli'd.
Amongst those Cravers Hero was not hindmost,
As Swabbers Son observ'd, who her did mind most▪
And while all shew the Gods their Whites of eyes,
In Hero's bright ones he his Heaven spies.
Yet Hero's so on Heaven were not bent,
But they on leering Lover eke did squint,
And through the corner of their Lids did wander
Some of their keenest Rays upon Leander;
[Page 43] So Gods and him at once brought to her beck,
And rais'd his hope, yet did his Courage check.
For like a bashful Spaniel strait he stole
With modest joy his Nose into his Pole,
His tail between his Legs, yet slided to her,
And had the Heart, though not the Face, to woe her
In words like these; I must fu-forsooth own
I am a harmless poor Youth of our Town,
Who but to see fine sights this morning came here,
And not to learn of little Love to stammer;
Who tongue, as well as Heart, from me hath ta'ne,
So that I can't, if that I wou'd, complain;
Yet something I wou'd say if that I durst,
But I wou'd have these jeering Fokes gon first.
Scarce had he whisper'd that, but Congregation
Quite weary of their deaf Gods Conversation,
[Page 44] Rose up, and ending their unanswer'd Speeches,
To their Discourteous Worships turn'd their Breeches.
But when he saw that they indeed were gone,
And had left him with Hero all alone,
(As if it had been for the nonce) he fain
Would have invited them all back again;
And with a new wish did recant his former;
For though his Rival's gone, he durst not storm her.
And she (thinking no harm, as one wou'd say)
Did even for it then behind them stay.
For Women when they dare to keep the Field,
Wou'd have you know they do not fear to yield.
While dumb Leander look'd down on his Toes,
And numbered the Pinks upon his Shoes,
[Page 45] She did survey his Leg, the shape and fashion
Of the whole Youth with silent commendation.
For modest Maid I hope may leer and peer
On all man hath, if he, or none else see her.
And if by fear a Lovers voice be frose,
May break the Ice, and pris'ner Tongue let loose.
Hero therefore (that knew the world) took on her
For slouching Lad the wooing in brisk manner;
And roundly said, Feat Youth, for want of speaking,
D'y' think that I will suffer a heart-breaking?
When Men are become Women, Women then
May without shame (I take it) become Men.
But Custom's crueller than Love, to gag us:
For Silence more than Love before doth plague us.
Why must nice Slut be dumb, though rack'd, nay prest,
[Page 46] When it is impudence not to confess't?
Alas when I'm on fire, I must cry out
Can Female-hold keep Loves Wild-Fire withindore?
If we do shut the Door, 'twill out at Windore.
We are but Paper Lanthorns to his Torch,
Whose Wafer-sides he instantly will scorch,
And never leave till through a way he find,
To blaze out lavishly before the Wind.
So to hold Love, for Maids as hard a matter,
As when they'r tickled, 'tis to hold their water.
But why pray shou'd it trouble Lovers Brains
If his kind well-bred Mistriss save him pains?
Though proffer'd Service stinks, you'll say; my mind is
To give before one's ask'd, endears a Kindness,
[Page 47] But for it wilful men I know do slight one,
And all but shy, and sullen Sluts set light on.
But Men in Love more savage, rude, and stupid
Than Brutes, and more do shame their Tutor Cüpid:
And four-legg'd Dame may without Vanity
Vye with our Lords, their Lords humanity.
And we must own the Bear, Boar, Ass appear
Indeed to have more of the Cavalier.
When th'Asses solitary Miss doth bray
For want of him, he does not farther stray,
Nor stop his ears, her voice he thinks melodious,
Nor is she for her Summons to him odious:
Nay when Whip cann't, by her is wrought upon
To leave his Spanish Gravity, and run.
[Page 48] And for their Wench will fight brave Bear and Boar,
After enjoyment, as well as before.
Nor will their noble Spirits let a Mistress,
While they do live, be brought to want, or distress.
But may be they so good are and observing,
Because their Dames are more than us deserving.
And to speak truth, I do believe those Ladies
Are something constanter than we now adays;
More generous by far, and bravely scorn
To take half Crown, or Guinney for good turn.
Their wit too, and discretion ours out-does;
Lovers they run not from, but lead by th' Nose,
But such as ne'er put finger in the eye,
Like ours, who snivel, sob, and sigh, and cry,
For what but they themselves themselves deny.
[Page 49] When Love by shoulder look their Dames do crave,
They stare not on 'um, and ask what they'd have.
And happy Dames, they never were put to't yet
To speak as I am now, or go without it.
Then to Leander she made but one stride,
To peer in's Face, which his coy Hands deny'd,
But to withdraw 'em, when in vain she askt him,
She like a Bully swore, and then unmask'd him
By force of Arms, since she cou'd not intreat him,
And vow'd she cou'd find of her heart to beat him.
Then poor Leander gave himself for gone,
And thought his Breeches were already down:
And of remorse in her he quite despairing,
Took heart, and spoke out thus, in her own hearing;
[Page 50] Are you the same that look'd but now forsooth
As if Butter wou'd not melt in your mouth?
She that just now refus'd to bait the passion
Of gaping Lovers with the least temptation?
She that did make green Apron fall so low
One might have seen that same assoon as Toe?
And rather than she wou'd take up her Coat,
She with a shameless daggle-tail did trot,
To keep her Followers from sight-provoking
Of Blew, of Russet, or of yellow-Stocking?
And while she follow'd was with humble praying,
She ne'er look'd back, but gave them all their saying.
She cou'd not speak, at least that one cou'd hear her,
And is she grown o'th' sudden such a Tearer?
[Page 51] Hero mean while was not abash'd a whit;
But rather glad he Venom had to spit:
I mean, that of his Tongue he was so able,
To which she suddenly was responsible:
And with a shrug, a mouth, and cogging smile,
Such as of wrath a Cuckold wou'd beguil,
She said, What will you be a new way jealous,
And 'cause I am not kind to other Fellows,
Naughty Leander, think that I can be
But from Teeth outward other ways to thee?
And 'cause for you their Suits I do reject,
Will you inconscionable mine neglect?
The Turtle might as well repudiate
His Female, 'cause with him she'll only mate,
And scorns the common Flocks communication;
But groans out to him (all day) her chast passion,
[Page 52] And 'cause with neck thrust out shews she is willing,
As well might he (I say) refrain from Billing;
As you, because you see that I am coming,
Refrain the most delicious sport of Bumming;
And (as 'tis falsely said of us) to spight
Others, will not your self, lov'd self delight?
Be't so, I with your hardship am content,
But you for me shall not your self torment:
For in spight of your teeth you shall consent,
To take on me your full divertisement.
So took him 'bout the neck, and was so quick,
Leander had not time to turn his Cheek.
But scarce cou'd Five be told, when with his Fist,
Plac'd in the Pit-hole of her Love-sick Brest,
Her tender Breech he had laid on the ground,
Had not kind Hassock in its way been found,
[Page 53] Which rais'd up lower end so fav'rably,
That something there Leander did espy,
That call'd back to his heart Humanity:
And then taking her up by painful halling,
Did expiate his laying her a sprawling.
And mannerly with Leg drawn back did own
His hainous fault in throwing of her down;
But she good-natur'd Maid, said it was none:
And ask'd him pardon if sh'ad done him wrong.
Alas, said he, good Hero, if your Tongue
You had kept to your self but when you kist,
I likewise to my self had kept my Fist.
Catso, quoth Hero, was that all the Matter?
Indeed you shan't find fault with that herea'ter,
But try me once again: he cry'd Come 'an.
But from her Sluts Trick she cou'd not refrain:
[Page 54] Whereat Leander once more did look big,
And sputt'ring call'd her Impudent Tom-Rigg:
While she with Court'sie said, no one exact is
In any thing at first; but let me practise
On you a while, and whip me, if I'm missing
A Tittle in your Method nice of kissing;
But sweet Leander, do not turn away
A faithful willing Servant the first day.
As Courts do say, Assurance innocent
I have, but not as you said, Impudent:
I have no harm in me, although I'm frolick,
Which most men (as my Mother tells me) do like.
Therefore but for your satisfaction,
And but to you have now good humour shown.
For as you did observe your self, I'm rugged
To other solkes, ill-natur'd, cross, and dogged:
[Page 55] But wou'd endeavour to please you alone,
'Cause besides you I pleased am with none.
With that she pump'd some tears into her eyes,
Which into his did pump up some likewise.
For tears do tears beget, and 'tis a true thing,
The Lovers falling out is Loves renewing.
But while he sob'd, Hero had prudent thought
Of striking of the Iron while 'twas hot.
Therefore took out crack'd Groat from Purse of Leather,
To witness they wou'd thenceforth lie together,
And ask'd him if he'd deign to break it with her.
He chearfully did lend her all his force;
So they to joyn themselves crack'd Groat divorce.
Now Lover mark you well from Custom antique
I mean thou silly Rogue that art so frantick
[Page 56] To bustle for a Mistress, sigh, and sob,
When thou hast not a Penny in thy Fob:
For all your pains is lost when you have woo'd her,
If Money you have not your hearts to so'der.
For now not one like Hero will disburse
On Love a grey Groat out of her own Purse.
Nay they'll not trust on tick a pair of Kisses,
Nor can you trade with Rhimes, or fine promisses.
But Hero was a Lady of a thousand,
Who by her self of her own heart was cousen'd:
For sure Leander knew no Politicks,
No Lime-twig words, or subtle sly Dog-tricks
To chase, to circumvent her, or to catch'er;
Or where she itch'd did know, or where to scratch her;
[Page 57] For she was forc'd, although 'twas not the fashion,
To put him first in mind of consummation;
And told him that about Twelve of the Clock
She wou'd expect him with clean Sheets & Smock,
At her own Mothers House, at sign of Tow'r:
But warn'd him he shou'd knock at the Back-door;
And that her old Nurse should sit up, and spin,
To drown the noise he'd make, and let him in.
In the mean time to th' May-pole, and the Green
She bid him go to see, and to be seen,
Or where he wou'd might saunter up and down,
And count the Signs, and fine things of the Town:
Or to the Shore might go, if nothing else
He had to do, and pick up pretty Shells.
But howsoe're himself he chose to recreate,
He should be sure to keep her Honours Secret.
[Page 58] There are, quoth she, who kill a womans honour,
Rather than lose their Glory to have won her.
But were there Justice, sure they shou'd have reason
By Halter done, to their pernicious treason.
For plaguy, and unspeakable's the wrong
To the whole world by those Blabs of their tongue
Many an Innocent on both sides mourn,
Look pale, and pine away, in Feavers burn,
And can't trust, nor be trusted for good turn,
But he who is of Female good name chary,
With the whole Sex sure as it were may marry.
Be warn'd Leander then; for I defie
'Till now the world to say that black's my Eye,
And none cou'd touch my Reputation
'Till now with man I've been two hours alone;
[Page 59] Which lest that it shou'd come to be Town-talk,
Prithee my sweet Leander, let us walk.
Why don't you wag, my Heart, why do you stay?
Quoth he, d'y' think that I'll lead you the way?
Sure, sure, Fair Hero, I'll not go before ye:
Pish, pish, quoth she, again that's such a Story,
I am the Priestess, and must shut the door;
Leave Fooling prithee, and go on before.
Only remember that you keep your hour;
And when 'tis dark, find out your way to th' tow'r.
Then rather than be troublesom, he chose
To do as he was bid, and follow's Nose:
And to the Woods (as Lovers use) did ramble.
Mean while his Mistress to the Town did amble.
But 'twixt true Lovers (you'l say 'tis a wonder)
There's no absence though ne're so much asunder.
[Page 60] For busie mind can find out no evasion,
Sweet Miss will hang upon imagination.
Though Hero and her Dear went quite contrary,
Yet in his heart and mind she still did tarry;
Or else ('tis thought) ere Twelve he had been weary;
Though he had all the pretty Recreations,
With which Lovers do hush their whuling passions.
As he stalk'd on sometimes he fell a Quaiting
Round Tiles to be unmindful of his Waiting.
And as he reel'd along the green Hedge-Rows,
He rummag'd them for Black-berries and Sloes.
Or then on Mole-hill squatted, with a Key,
Did whistle out a chearing Roundeley,
'Till Emmet put him out to make him scratch
Impatient Buttock, where she made it itch:
[Page 61] Or by cool Spring lay down on Bed of Dazies,
And on her Cristal Surface made Love-faces,
Or in her murmuring soft conversation
Did weep, and murmur too to cool his Passion:
With Philomel, or Pye, or Daw did prate,
And sometime too with Gossip Eccho chat:
Or with the Tag of Codpiece Point on Bark
Of Trees did scratch and scribble Hero's Mark▪
Or did unravel all her Sacred Name,
To knit it up again in Anagram.
And sometime in tight Rhime as much bely'd her,
As if the Rogue ne'er in his Life had spy'd her;
For sure Leander was a Burlesque Poet,
Though 'till in Love (like me) he did not know it.
In such like exercise he whil'd away
The fant'ring minutes of the tedious day:
[Page 62] But when night came, to keep off Spright or Else,
He talk'd, and sung, and whistled to himself.
But in the Woods no longer then wou'd tarry,
Lest that his Breech shou'd feel the Nails of Fairy.
He therefore back to Sestus Town did creep,
And while Folkes were abed, and all asleep,
(As oft his Betters) on a Bulk, or Bench,
Three or four hours had patience for his Wench.
But ere the drawling Clock knockt out thrice four
He was a knocking at back-door of Tow'r,
But first (some say) he had a special care
To make the most of his long yellow hair,
And with his Comb, and Fingers made it stare
Methodically, and look killing big,
For he grand Virtuoso was in Wig.
Besides he put his willing Hat in mind
Of cocking up before, and eke behind:
[Page 63] And then with single Knuckle; and no more,
Inform'd the watchful Nurse he was at dore,
By whom ('tis said) he was not long unheard;
As Hero knew she was a trusty Card.
For on Love-Errands oft she made her trudge,
Indeed, she was an honest careful Drudge,
Loves painful Char-woman, and ever did
Help on all Bawdy work in time of need.
When she had let Leander in, she made him
Pull off his Shoes ere she to Hero led him:
For by the door of Hero's Mothers Chamber
To Hero's Garret he was bound to clamber.
Besides she knew Love is inhans'd by fear;
So stollen Bread and Cheese is mighty Chear.
But though Leander went as if on Eggs,
Yet he so loftily did bear his Legs,
[Page 64] That of four or five steps, he made but one,
And lingring Hero was no more alone,
Nor unprepar'd for his Reception.
Her Garret was new swept, and she well drest
For exercise in Just-au-Corps or Vest,
As those who can't endure to be strait-lac'd;
Or may be in a Petticoat, and Wastcoat,
In Bawdy Indian Gown, or Bawds long last-coat,
In Cloak of Ermin, or a Tyrian Mantle;
But for my part, what she had on, I can't tell;
For some are not asham'd to say a Blanquet;
But two joyn'd-stools were cover'd with a Banquet,
Which made her Dear Leander not much matter
How she was drest, 'twas that made his mouth water:
[Page 65] She saw't, and therefore let her Passion wait,
Till hungry Lover had ta'ne out his Bait.
So strait, to lose no time, did pull him down
Into a Chair with Arms, and cry'd, Fall on,
If you can like of any thing that's here.
He vow'd it was most excellent good Chear,
But he did praise it better by his Swallow,
And there was nought that was not a Regallo.
Botargo first, and a Red Herring, for
She still had her pet it morceau aboire.
But for Leanders curious maiden Chaps
There were provided dainty fine Flip-flaps,
Apple-pie, Custard, Florentine, and Cheese-cake,
And only as I said before, for his sake,
Gingerbread, and stew'd Prunes of her own stewing,
And for his Drink, Stypone of her Brewing;
[Page 66] To which, Hero, and he were both beholden,
For modest Lover it did soon embolden,
To take her by the sweaty hand, and sip
Far stronger Nectar from her Blabber-Lip.
And when she had made him drink off his rest,
He cou'd begin a Brimmer to the Best.
But subtle Hero in her over-tunning
Of empty Lover, was but over-cunning.
For quite contrary to her wise intent,
All she tunn'd up in him had a false Vent.
Indeed she made him ready for the Bed,
And had the Drunkards sport to hold his head,
But she unfortunate, meant something else,
And ere she was aware, o're-turn'd the Bells;
So oflewd expectation quite did miss,
As now chaste Reader doth I'm sure, of his.
[Page 67] But be not angry, ere Cock-crowing season,
To you, and Hero too I'll see done reason.
But let her put Leander first to Bed,
And on Flock-Pillow rest Lop-heavy Head;
Then fit it with a Coifin stead of Cap,
Tuck up the Cloaths in order to his Nap,
And then let her a while but pick her Toes,
And Lamp goes out, and into Bed she goes.
Then (as I told you) ere the Cock crow'd thrice
And Hero had piss'd once, Leander twice,
(But forward Sir, pray do not now mistake)
Did yawn, and stretch, and civilly awake
At the first Summons of her Elbow, which
On purpose lent his side a plaguie stitch.
Then did he puff, and belch, and sigh, and groan,
And to the Gods make lamentable moan:
[Page 68] But Hero for her sake took pity on him,
Did stroak him, feel his Pulses, and bemoan him,
And charitably too his Stomack settle,
By help of Life-restoring Pewter Bottle:
So by her Aid, Directions, and Dalliance,
As well's he cou'd he made out's new Alliance.
But spiteful Jade Aurora strait intruding,
There was an end then of the Secret Wedding:
And glad Leander in such hast arose,
That out of Bed he tumbled on his Nose;
And for his own Stockings put on Hero's:
Fate's still contriving Lovers to disclose.
Nor staid to wash his stinking hands, or put on
His Azure Band, or Shamey Doublet button:
But with a Kiss took leave of his dear Bride,
Resolving for her not to lose his Tide;
[Page 69] For from the Shore was heard thrice, Eastward hol
And with his Towns-folkes he was mad to go:
So lost no time; but while he was let out,
To the old Nurse made this true Lovers doubt,
That Hero wou'd procure her self some Monsieur,
Who many a good time and oft wou'd bounce her
Ere he shou'd get o'th' t'other side 'oth' water.
To which she said Fie, Fie man, no such matter.
Though heavy Judgments fall upon ye, you men
Will never leave your base thoughts of poor Women.
But time will come (and she or none cou'd tell,
For she in Magick Art had devilish skill,
And on a Col-staff oft had gall'd her Breech,
Was tri'd, and got off'cause she was a Witch)
When all men shall for something be afraid,
And for your Jealoufie be soundly paid.
[Page 70] When Love incens'd, won't tyrannize alone
In Lovers heart (as now he doth) but bone:
When Lover for his Miss obtain'd shall groan,
And through a single Nostril tune his moan:
And jealous man shall envy happy Brute,
Who without fear, or shame does go to Rut.
To this Leander nothing cou'd reply,
For Prophesies must give themselves the Lie.
But Pox upon her soul for her Record,
All the World knows she was as good's her word.
She wou'd have farther spun the Pockey Riddle,
But Youth in hast did break't off in the middle,
And left her, and Town Sestus 'till dark night,
When he was to return by Candle-light;
The same that was as Sea-light in that Entry
Where marking Hero in the Bar sate Centry;
[Page 71] As he, and Hero had contriv'd, was his
To keep him in his way where no path is.
And by her means he did not run aground,
But in the right Port whither he was bound
Unladed safe, and sound his precious Stowage,
And made (as Folkes do say) a happy Voyage,
Nay some (at least) say half a dozen, but
Dame Fortune first, or last, doth prove a Slut.
She did contest with the more faithless wind,
Which should be more false to him, or unkind,
For in the Window of vex'd Hero's Garret
Five or six long Watch-lights in vain did blare out,
Ere he cou'd put to Sea; and when he did,
It had been better he at home had staid.
But though the huffing surly Winds did nose him,
And strutting Billows crowded to oppose him,
[Page 72] From's Mistress he no longer wou'd be kept,
But like a drunken Heroe headlong leapt
Amidst his Foes, resolving to come at her,
Though Seas on Seas were set, and hills of Water
On watry hills to intercept his course;
But Death old-fashion'd Lovers can't divorce.
As Reader (if you've any patience) you
Too soon, too soon, alas, alas! shall know:
But Gossip first I know you wou'd be prying
Into the manner of our Lovers dying:
Leander wou'd not give his head for th' washing
You may be sure, nor was afraid of Dashing:
He cuff'd the Waves aside, and through did break
His way, in spight of Northern Blubber-Cheek;
Mean while ('tis said) they made e'ne nothing of him,
And while he puff'd, and sputtred, did but scoffe him.
[Page 73] And as in Blanket you wou'd toss a Whelp,
Tost him, while he no more himself cou'd help.
And though he sprawl'd, and kept on going still,
It was, as one may say, e'ne but up hill.
So to his Oars of Flesh such chearing words,
Was fain to use, as Errants to their Swords;
And told them, if they wou'd row stoutly on,
They shou'd embrace his naked Miss anon.
But finding soon that Harangue prov'd but idle,
He turn'd his Stile, the wind and waves to whedle:
And vow'd if they wou'd please but to reprieve him
From drowning 'till he came back, he'd forgive 'um.
But Fate whose slaves they were, cou'd not be chous'd,
For all his Vows he still was soundly dous'd:
[Page 74] Yet sneering Fate but to augment her sport,
Permitted him almost to touch his Port.
So Tyrant Puss of Mouse does make a Fool,
And let's him get again half into's hole.
But then Leanders time was come, when Lamp
Went out, or when his left Leg had the Cramp.
For he so much in Love was you may see,
He quite forgot a String about his Knee,
Hero mean while who in her Bed had tost
As much as he at Sea had, or almost.
For she had dream'd of Flowers all the night,
Shrewd sign that some body is to turn Spright.
So weary of her Dreams, awak'd and rose;
But some say she awak'd ta'ne by the Nose
With the rude Haut-Goust of deceased Lamp,
Which Omen seiz'd her heart with pannick Damp
[Page 75] For her Sweet-heart, but ah! when she did hear
The Winds and Sea so loud, she was past fear,
And by her croaking bowels then cou'd tell
(Were he at Sea) all with him was not well,
So grown impatient, to the Window flew,
And from her Eye-lids proking off the Glew,
Into the boiling water fell a staring,
Where she perceiv'd her dear Duck dead as herring.
But Day but just had shewn her Scarlet Snout,
So she had time for comfortable doubt,
And took her poor Leander for a Whale;
But prying to find out the proof of's Tail,
She out of Window thrust her self so far,
That Tiptoes slipt, and ere she was awar
(Some do dispute it though) she tipt clean over
Into the Brine upon her pickled Lover.
[Page 76] Now hasty Lover do not damn the River,
Which though a while true Lovers it did sever,
Yet did unite 'um afterward for ever.
And let none take my tristful Song to heart,
Or for drown'd Lovers be concern'd a Fart;
For they but div'd directly to Elizium,
Where such Folkes pass their time as you cou'd wish 'um.
FINIS.