Witty apophthegms delivered at several times, and upon several occasions by King James, King Charls, the Marquess of Worcester, Francis Lord Bacon, and Sir Thomas Moor ; collected and revised.

Witty apophthegms delivered at several times, and upon several occasions by King James, King Charls, the Marquess of Worcester, Francis Lord Bacon, and Sir Thomas Moor ; collected and revised.

Table of contents

Title page

TO THE READER.

ROYAL APOPHTHEGMS OF K. IAMES.

ROYAL APOPHTHEGMS OF K. CHARLS.

APOPHTHEGMS OF THE EARL OF VVORCESTER.

APOPHTHEGMS OF THE LORD BACON

APOPHTHEGMS OF Sir THO. MOORE.

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Wittie APOPHTHEGMES of K Iames K Charles E of Worcest [...] Lo Bacon & Sr Tho. More Reuiued

[Page] WITTY Apophthegms DELIVERED At Several Times, and upon Several Occasions, BY King James, King Charls, The Marquess of Worcester, Francis Lord Bacon, and Sir Thomas Moor. Collected and Revised.

LONDON, Printed by W. R. for Matthew Smelt, and are to be sold at his Shop, next to the Castle, near Meorgate, 1669.

TO THE READER.

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Courteous Reader,

HEre is presented to thy View, the timely fruit of those once Famous Monarchs, and Peers of this Realm, whose yet living Fame for Majestick Wisdom and high Discretion, is able still to gain them life and glory, maugre all the [Page] dirt, and filth, which this ungrateful Age hath flung both upon their Persons and works. I should but hold a Candle to the Sun, if I should go about to say any thing of their excellent use and worth: only thus much I assure thee, that these Apophthegms, which for the singular Wisdom that is in them are worthy of Record, are collected with exactness and choice, and now published for the profit [Page] and delight of all those that are willing to search into this store-house of Wit and Wisdom.

Vale.

ROYAL APOPHTHEGMS OF K. IAMES.

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1. THat it is a Maxim in the Romish Religion, declared by most of their own writers, that the Pope may if he will, at one Mass free all the souls out of Purgatory: his Majesties inference on this Position was, with [...]bnegation of the Popes charity, and admiration of his unparalelled cruelty, that being granted, to have a power so to do, dot [...] not nor may not apply his will unto it.

2. That the wearing of Leeks on Saint Davids day by the Welshmen, was a good, honourable, and commendable [Page] fashion, seeing that all memorable Acts have by the Agents something worn for distinction, and also to preserve the memory thereof unto posterity: even as the Passeover was to the Jews, that when their children should ask why they were girded with staves in their hands, they might shew them the cause; so the Welshmen in commemoration of the great fight by the black Prince of Wales, do wear Leeks as the [...]r chosen Ensign.

3. Doctor Baily holding conference with the King touching the Popes Arrogancy, alluding to Christs answer to his Apostles; He that desires to bear Rule, let him be the least amongst you, and therefore the Pope doth sometimes colourably term himself servant of servants: to which the King replyed, that by such an inference he could prove the Pope to be humbly minded, to which the Doctour answered, that he did not alwayes so account himself, save only when he had purpose to deceive, otherwise he esteemed himself Lord of Lords. His Majesties determination was, that the Popes calling himself servant of servants, was rather in a more strict and peculiar sense, as that [Page] he was a servant of his Church, and so by consequence, the servant of the servants of God, but towards all other, Lord of Lords; so likewise to be a professed Catholick, is to be a true Christian, but to be a Roman Catholick is it, which marreth the matter.

4. That whereas our Saviour saith it is as easie for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, as for a rich man to enter into the Kingdome of heaven, the Pope perverteth that saying, for that none shall have no pardons, but such as pay for them: so consequenly the rich are more easie to enter into heaven then the poore, because the one can have pardons when he will, but the other is not able to purchase it, and thereupon his Majesty concluded the Pope to be justly called a Merchant of mens souls, as is set forth in the 18. of the Revelation.

5. His Majesty observed a quaint interrogatory put to a jealous Lover, out of that famous Comedy of Ignoramus, the which his Majesty highly commended, viz. whether he desired most, or rather to be termed Publius Cornelius, or Cornelius Tacitus; in further approbation of which Comedy, besides in opposition and dislike of another Comedy [Page] performed and acted before his Majesty by the Scholars of the University of Oxford, that as in Cambridge one Sleep made him wake; so in Oxford, one Wake made him sleep.

6. That Tobacco was the lively image & pattern of hell, for that it had by allusion in it all the parts and vices of the world wherby hell may be gained; to wit first it was a smoak, so are the vanities of this world. Secondly, it delighteth them who take it, so do the pleasures of the world delight the men of the world. Thirdly, it maketh men drunken, and light in the head; so do the vanities of the world, men are drunken therewith. Fourthly, he that taketh Tobacco, saith he cannot leave it, it doth bewitch him: even so the pleasures of the world make men loath to leave them, they are for the most part so inchanted with them: and further, besides all this, it is like hell in the very substance of it; for it is a stinking loathsom thing, and so is hell: and further, his Majesty professed, that were he to invite the Devil to a dinner, he should have these three dishes. 1. a Pig, 2. a Pole of Ling, and Mustard, and 3. a pipe of Tobacco for digestare.

[Page] 7. That he had heard an old Minister say, touching conformity, that it would be a scandal for him to conform, and yet will allow that his son may do it, as if he living a fool all his life, desired so to die.

8. Heaven is governed by order, and all good Angels there; nay, hell it self could not well subsist without some order, and the very devils are divided into Legions, and have their Captains. How can any Society then upon earth subsist without order or degrees?

9. That the often mentioning of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the Scripture, is to signifie that we should celebrate the memory of good men above others, and of all men above beasts.

10. That all humane Laws cannot be perfect, but that some must rest in the discretion of the Judge, although an innocent man do perish thereby: as his Majesty further conceived, that a Jury may cast upon evidence, and a Judge may give a just sentence, yet the party innocent.

11. We should not be like the Puritans in our prayers, who speak to God, as to their fellows, and sit at Christs Table, as with their companions. Let us [Page] joyn reverence with the sweet confidence we have in Gods love.

12. That no man can thrive that keepeth a whore at Rack and Manger, to sit openly with justification. That to rove is proper to expresse the action of the body, but to rave is an action of the mind.

13. His Majesty would not admit publick, disputation betwixt twelve Papists, and twelve Protestants, himself being chosen umpire, because he might lose more, that would not be satisfied, then he could win, although the Papists side were convicted: and further his Majesty declared, that in 88, he almost converted a Papist, untill my new convert heard of the Spanish Invasion.

14. Vertue is easier then vice, or the essential difference betwixt vice and vertue, is truth and falshood; and it is easier and lesse pa [...]s to tell truth then a lye, and for vices of the senses custom is all in all; for to one that hath lived honestly, it is as much shame to commit sin, as for another to abstain.

15. The art of Physicians is very imperfect, for I doubt not but for every disease, there is in nature a several simple, [Page] if they could find it out, so that these compounds do rather shew their ignorance then their knowledge.

16. The Popish Religion is like [...] mers Iliads of the siege of Troy, or Virgils Aene des of the beginning of Rome, both of them had a foundation of truth, so had the Papists of the Bible, but they have all added so much, that the first truth is almost lost.

17. That Monarchicall Government by Secular Kings and Priests, is the only Ordinance of God, and the Republick only a depraved institution of man for depraved ends, as appears manifestly by the whole current of Scripture, even from Adam to the Primitive Church after Christ.

18. A Preacher preaching before his Majesty on the 29. Psalm, that I offend not in my tongue, he could have wished might have bin before so many women, because they are most unruly therein.

19. That there were many wayes to find out truth besides evidence of reall witnesse, as it was in the businesse of Mr. Haddock, who was reputed good, yet was found at last a great oflender, whereupon his Majesty replyed, the case in him was not after his meaning, [Page] and thereupon insisted further to exemplifie his offence, confessing the same to be high & capital in respect of God and man, meaning Mr. Haddock, who preached in his sleep, that his Majesty did God and the Countrey good service, in discovering that man. 2. That his practice was diabolical & a new way to sin, that his Majesty never heard of before. 3. That he did therein practice against God himself, in that he did endeavour to make his own inventions as the oracle of God, and by that means to bind mens consciences thereto to believe. 4. That his Majesty discovered him by his own papers and notes which were brought unto the King, the which Mr. Haddock confessed to be his own handwriting, and the notes of his Sermon which men say he preached in his sleep, but for answer thereunto, said he only noted his Sermons first in writing, and so in the night dreamed thereof, and of the same thing that he had penned before, but by his answer his Majesty convinced him upon his own experience concerning dreams and visions in the night, that things studied or mentioned in the day time may be dreamed of in the night, but always irregularly, without [Page] order, but not as his Sermons were, both good and learned, as in particular in that very Sermon which he preached before his Majesty in his sleep, concernin Davids waters, Psalm 69. where in he treated. 1. physically, then theologically, which is not usual in dreams so to do. 5. That Mr. Haddocks sin being granted for liberty, and good, then would all sinnes bee protected and allowed, as blasphemy against God, Treason against the King, slander against any man; and at last all defended under colour of being asleep: and further his Majesty declared his opinion, that the reason that moved the aforesaid Mr. Haddock to put in practice his preaching in his sleep did proceed from two natural infirmities, to which he was subject, the one was stammering in speech, so finding himself more ready to speak being quiet in his bed, and his eyes shut from any object to trouble his mind, he could utter himself more perfectly. The second reason was his practice to talk in his sleep: these two as the King conceived, put him on to that soul practise and illusion of Sathans.

20. The King professed, that he [Page] would chuse rather to turn Turk, then in some fables to believe Bollarmine: and further declared on this subject, that miracles, as now used and maintained amongst the Papists, to the end to confirm a false belief on Saints, according as at first Christ used miracles to cause and confirm a true belief on himself, as is further declared in this story of a popish miracle.

In Naples, one of the chief Cities in Italy, in a time of a famous siege which it endured, the Viceroy thereof made a severe order, wherein it was death for any man above and under such an age to walk without a sword in any parts throughout the City, which not long time had passed before it happened, that as himself and train was riding through the streets to see how well this order was put in execution, that he espied a Gentleman without a sword, which being brought before him the order was read, and die he must for contempt, and accord [...]ng to the order he was to be hanged upon the next sign post: the Gentleman pleaded several things in his own behalf, which were availing, and seeing he must die, desired this favour of the Viceroy, that [Page] he might not die so ignominious a death as to be hanged, but that as he was a Gentleman, so he might die like a Gentleman, & therefore did desire [...]hat the next Gentleman that past by, with his sword might run him through, which request being so reasonable, the Viceroy could not in civility deny him, and so prorogued the execution till the next came, which was to do the businesse, which was not long before one appeared, and exactly qual [...]ied for the business., Now you must take notice, that this man that came on, had n [...]ly come from a gaming house, imomach that he had lost all, even the very [...]ade of his sword, and in regard of that severe order d [...]st not go home, untill a woodden one was fi [...]ed to [...]ast and [...]bard; so being stopt, the dying Gentlemans req [...]st was said op [...]n unto him, which knowing his own [...]fficiency for that [...], so star [...]led him, that he fained and took on [...] terms as these, What make a common Executioner of me? what, stun my b [...]od to Eternity? with [...] like, w [...] all proving [...] [...] he was hard prest to it, [...] [...] [...] Viceroy, and the dying Gentleman, he waved all further [Page] excuses, and prepared himself to the work, and so putting off his loose garments, he began his work, with a prayer to this effect, O Lord God, which seest all the transactions here below, judge I pray thee the right of those that suffer wrong, and in an especial manner grant, that if this man here ought not to dye, may this my sword be turned into wood, so plucking it forth, and it being accordingly as we mentioned before, the dying Gentleman was released with abundance of joy: the woodden sword was carried with much solemnity, and hung up in the Cathedral Church, as a true link to the chain of Popish miracles.

22. Let no man think that he may frame and make his wife as he pleaseth, that deceived Solomon, the wisest King that ever was.

23. That his Majesty confested, that he read more Popish books than Protestant, and from thence findeth matter to confirm him in the Protestant Religion: and he farther related, that he stiled a book once being sent him by the name of Melchisedeck, being without beginning or ending.

24. That many learned writers have [Page] recorded things for truth, which experience hath falsified: as for instance, his Majesty gave his own experience touching the worms found in a Stags head, which are reported to dy, if put into water, but will live in wine, the which being tryed, they live equally in both.

25. If the Pope may erre as a man, but not as a Pope, I would know why the Pope doth not instruct or reform the man, or wherefore the man doth not require the Popes instruction.

26. Not only the deliverance of the Jews till they came to the Land of promise, but even their daily preservation was miraculous; for there was never any noted plague in Jerusalem, though it stood in a hot Climate, which had it been, would have endangered the whole Nation, it being to assemble thither twice every year of necessity.

27. That to have any imployment in any Republick in that State is dangerous, for do he well or ill, he is sure to rue it, and he speedeth best that doth worst, like a Scottish Tale, I have heard of one that never sped well amongst the Lawyers when he had a good cause, because he then least suspected it, & the other side bribed and countermanded, & [Page] so the greatest carried it for the most part, even so in Republicks.

28 That a Germane was naturally most constant to himself, for although he could well fashion himself to any Countrey he travelled unto, yet returning home to his own, he would appear to any mans judgment, nothing changed from the manner and condition of his own Nation, and so in him is most truly fulfilled this saying, That the Heathen change not, but all persons and things here below are subject to change, but with the English or any other Nation, it is otherwise; nay, farther on this subject, his Majesty said, that a Frenchman though never so grave and sober of countenance, yet one time or other would have his frisk of vanity.

29. That he is not of opinion, that all speeches in Scripture, touching beasts or sowls, by allegory, doth agree with the proper and peculiar nature of them, as of that, Be nise as Serpents, or that comparison of the Ostrich, that seemeth to neglect her young by leaving her eggs in the dust, which is not the proper nature of them, as hath been approved by Barbary Merchants, that have seen them, but itseems so outwardly, [Page] because she hideth her eggs in the sand, and so removeth a little from them, but for no other end, but to protect them, that at the time of need, and in the hatching to break the shell, which of it self cannot.

30. Sir Francis Kinaston by experience falsified the Alchimist report, that a hen being fed for certain days with gold, beginning when Sol was in Leo, should be coverted into gold, and should lay golden eggs, which be [...]ng tryed, was no such thing, but became indeed very'sat; his Majesties conceit thereupon was, that surely somewhat was omitted in Sir. Francis experiment, to wit, he wanted faith to believe, as himself did always in the like, or such matters, but one thing more might have been [...]added more amply to satisfie the experiment; [...] the Cock had been first fed with gold, and afterwards have trodden the hen, might happily have succeeded the better.

31. That upon report made to his Majesty of a Goose that loved a man, that it would never be from him, wheresoever he went, and upon occasion would guard him from offence, whereupon his Majesty remembred the Goose of the [Page] Capitol; and further he said, he thought it as easie to prove the deceit of the aforesaid Goose from that Goose of the Capitol, as the Heralds now adayes for gain do prove the deceit of the Gentlemen of these times.

32. Whether boldness or bashfulness did soonest prevail in Court? his Majesties opinion was, that bashfulness did, alluding to the Lord Duke of Buckingham, who at his first coming to Court, exceeded in bashfulness, and when his Majesty had cast his eye upon him, the Lord of Arundel being asked by his Majesty what he thought of him, he answered, that his blushing bashfulness was such, as he thought he would do but little good in Court favours.

33. That if there were no other quarrel between the Papists and the Pro [...]estants, but the number of Sacraments he himself would be a Papist: for he held it not worth the quarrelling, as appeared by a Tale of two friends in Scotland, being great in friendship, and in their cups falling out about that subject, the one a great Papist, and the other a Protestant, so they fought and were both slain: a third said, before he would have lost his life in that quarrel he would have divided the seven into three and [Page] twenty & half to end that controversie.

34. That he would never use any other Argument to convince the Papists of their opinion of Miracles, but by their own Doctrine, whereunto most of their miracles are altogether repugnant: as for example, a fable they have that the picture of our Lady should stir; their Doctrine is, that these images are but Representative, now what disproportion appeareth between their opinion and their Doctrine?

35. God is never better honoured, than in giving him true worship: the King at that time declared himself resolved alwayes to kneel at the Sacrament, and that for to testifie his humility towards God, being a King, and the rather for example sake to others that are set under him, he said he would not have willingly a gout in the knee, alluding to Doctor Lawds Sermon on that subject a little before, and his Majesty confessed the gout of the knee very troublesom, and that by a particular experiment of his own upon an accidental hurt, which he received on his foot at New-Market, being to receive the holy Communion on Christmas-day following, and resolved to take the same [Page] kneeling as aforesaid, provoked his whole body into a very great sweat, and anguish, and therefore concluded the gout in the knee to be a main impediment for sacred duties; and further said he, Shall we not exceed the Turks, who in their false worship, do fall down flat on their faces, rise often in the night to perform their false worship? and this they are injoyned to do, or otherwise they account themselves damned.

36. That it was strange to look into the life of Henry the eighth, how like an Epicure he lived. It was once demanded by King Henry the eighth, of one, what he might do to be saved? who answered, that he had no cause to fear, having lived so mighty a King, and done so many worthy acts in his life time: but oh, said he, I have lived too like a King, which King James inferred was rather like no King; for the office of a King is to do justice and equity, but he only served his sensuality like a beast.

37. No Country can be called rich, wherein there is war, as in the low Countries, there is much money, but the Souldiers have it in pay from the [Page] Governours, the Boors have it for victuals of the Souldiers, the Governors have it from them again in Taxes, so there is no center, no honour.

38. That it hath like operation to make women learned, and to make foxes tame, which teacheth them only to steal more cunningly, the possibility is not equal, for where it doth one good, it doth twenty harm.

39. On an espousal of marriage, his Majesty let [...]all this silver saying, that Parents might forbid their children an unfit match, but they may not force their consent to a fit.

40. The Devil alwayes avoids the mean, and waits upon extremity: so hath he alwayes sought to delude the world betwixt Atheism and Superstition. On extremity of war, his Majesty further observed, that no man gains by war, but he that hath not wherewith to live in peace.

41. All extremities come round to one end, the simple obedience of the Papists, and the non-obedience of the P [...]ritans, the one bred confusion, the other ignorance and security.

42. There was a politick Sermon, [Page] that had no divinity in it that was preached before K. James, the King as he came forth, said to Bishop Andrews, call you this a Sermon? The Bishop answered, & it may please your Majesty, by a charitable construction it may be a sermon

43. Bishop Andrews was asked by King James at the first coming over of the Bishop of Spalato, whether he were a Protestant or no: he answered, truly I know not, but he is a detestant of divers opinions of Rome.

44. An ill name may be free from dishonesty, but not from some folly, we should not only be free from [...] but from suspition; for it is not enough to be well lived, but well reported, and oftentimes weighty matters, are as much coloured by reputation, as substance.

45. Misfortunes are not acceptable in any kind, yet those are endured with most ease, that come rather by destiny than deserving.

46. Cresus said to Cambyses, that peace was better than war, because in peace the sons did bury their fathers, but in wars, the fathers did bury their sons.

47. Justice should be blind and friendless; it is not by it, that those that [Page] be in authority should reward their friends, or cross their enemies.

48. Cato Major was wont to say, that wise men learned more by fools, than fools by wise men, as appears by this following example: a certain Duke kept a fool, the Duke falling sick of a quartane ague, it in a short time came to pass, that the distemper grew to that height, that his Physicians gave it forth that nothing would cure him of that malady, but a great fright, which thing coming to the fools ear, he waited an opportunity to effect a cure for the Duke, which he thus brought about, taking notice in what part of his garden he used frequently to walk in near a River, he got himself into a hollow [...]ree near hand, and when the Duke was [...]ast by him, he rusheth forth, & thrusts [...]im into the river, & calls out to those that waited aloof off, look to your Duke, or he will be drown'd else, so they [...]un with all speed, & pluckt him forth, [...]nd in two or three dayes, the Duke was perfectly recovered, the fool absents [...]imself, for fear, but after a years absence [...]eturns to Court, where being brought [...]efore the Duke, the Duke aggravates [Page] his fault to him, and told him, that on the morrow he should dye for it; the fool replyed, that he thought the Duke no harm by it, and many words to the like purpose; but all not serving, he the next morning appeared on a Scaffold the Duke had caused to be erected, to lose his head; so the hour being come, the fool laid his head on the block, & as the Duke had appointed, instead of cutting his head off, he caused warm water to be poured upon his neck, and the fool with very fear expired, to the great grief of the Duke, who broke forth into this expression upon it, That it was wisdom for fools to jest with wise men, but the greatest folly in the world, for wise men to jest with fools.

ROYAL APOPHTHEGMS OF K. CHARLS.

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1. AFflictions cannot be esteemed with wise and godly men any argument of sin in an innocent person, more than the [...]mpunity of wicked men is amongst good men any sure token of their innocency.

2. That in the direct worship of God himself, we ought to be guided by the word of God, and not otherwise, but in the form and order of Ceremonies, that indeed is solely left to the Church.

3. When the King first entered the Castle of Ragland, the Marquess kissed the Kings hand, and rising up again, he saluted his Majesty with this complement, [Page] my Lord, I am not worthy: the King replyed unto the Marquess, my Lord, I may wel answer you again, I have not found so great faith in Israel, for no man would trust me with so much money as you have done: to which the Marquess replyed, I hope your Majesty will prove a Defender of the faith.

4. Prepare for war when thou propoundest for peace, otherwise thy peace will be hardly obtained, or too highly prized, whatever thy first Article be, let disbanding be the last. A cunning Cur, though he wag his tail will shew his teeth, the best Treaty is with a drawn sword, and the safest peace is concluded under a buckler.

5. As it is one of the most convincing Arguments, that there is a God, whilst his power sets bounds to the raging of the Sea, so it is no less that he restrains the madness of the people, nor doth any thing portend more Gods displeasure against a Nation, then when he suffers confluence and clamours of the vulgar to pass all boundaries of Law, and reverence to authority.

6. The Devil of Rebellion doth commonly turn himself into an Angel of Reformation.

[Page] 7. When King Charls had made his repair to Rapland, after the Battel of Naseby, taking occasion to thank the Marquess for some mony lent his Majesty, the Marquess returned his Majesty this answer, Sir I had your word for my money, but I never thought I should be so soon repaid, for now you have given me thanks, I have all I look for.

8. The lower sort of people are desirous of novelties, and apt for change, weighing Government with the scales of their own fortune, they are too ser [...]iole of evils in present, to fear worse in future, let such [...]now they move in their particular orbs, not in the common sphere, and that the alteration in the heavens makes no star greater, which way soever the change moves, a Cobler shall be bat a Cobler still.

9. It is a Princely alchimy out of necessary wars to extract an honourable peace, and more beseeming the Majesty [...]f a Prince to thirst after peace than Conquest. Blessedness is promised to the Peace-maker, not to the Conque [...]or. It is a happy State whose peace [...]th a peaceful [...]nd, and a Martial heart, able both to use peace, [...]and to [...]anage war.

[Page] 10. Upon a discourse of the singular parts, which Doctor John Donne Dean of Pauls, was indowed withal, he took occasion to speak of his marriage, who marrying into a rich and honourable Family, being much above his Degree, and against his wives fathers consent, insomuch that the father would give her no Portion, which the Doctor then perceiving, took his Pen and writ (and sent it to the old man) in this manner, John Donne, Anne Donne, undone, which wrought good effects on the old man.

11. Aristippus being accused by a strumpet for having go [...] her with child [...] answered, thou mayest as well going through a thorn hedge tell certainly which thorn pricked thee.

12. His Majesty being very wel [...] grounded in the true Protestant Religion, in a Discourse concerning Sectaries, said truly, That there were bu [...] two good sentences in a Sectaries sermon, the first of necessity good, whic [...] is the Text, the second by consequent which is the end, and thereby an en [...] of an impertinent Discourse.

13. The merits of a deserving Lad [...] would serve her for a Protection amongst [Page] the savage Indians, whilst their rudeness and barbarity knows not so perfectly to hate all vertues, as some mens subtilty doth.

14. God blessed the modest respect and filial tenderness, which Noahs sonnes bear to their father, nor did his open infirmity justifie Chams impudency, nor exempt him from that curse of being servant of servants, which curse must needs be on them who seek by dishonourable actions to please the vulgar, and confirm by igno [...]le acts their dependance upon the people.

15. A Bishop rising up in arms against his Prince, was overthrown, and himself being then clad in Armour, was taken prisoner, and by the Kings express command clapt up: the Pope hearing of it, sends to the King, complaining or breach of the Church-priviledges, that one o [...] her sons should be imprisoned: the King sends back the Messenger, and with him the Armour taken from the Bishop, desiring the Pope to send him word, whether those were the garments of any of his sons.

16. Popular tumults, are not like a storm at Sea, which yet wants no [...] its [...]erroar, [...]ut like an earth-quake, shaking [Page] the very foundations of all, then which nothing in the world hath more horror.

27. It matters not much, whether in Government thou tread the steps of severe Hannibal, or gentle Scipio, so thy actions be honourable, and thy life vertuous, both in the one and in the other, there is defect and danger, if not corrected and supported by the fair repute of some extraordinary indowments: No matter black or white, so the Steed good.

28. That it is an hardiness beyond true valour, for a wise man to set himself against the breaking in of a Sea, which to effect at present threatens imminent danger, but to withdraw gives it space to spend its fury, and gains a fitter time to repair the breach. Certainly a gallant man had rather fight to get disadvantages for number and place in the field in an orderly way, than se ussle with an indisciplin'd Rabble.

29. Sir Henry Bard, who was Lord Bellameunt, coming into the Hall of Ragland, and seeing so many Tables furnished with food, and seeders, sware that his Majesty had a plo [...] to destroy that Family, first in borrowing all the [Page] old mans money, and then in coming thus to eat up his victuals: which h [...]s Majesty hearing smiled at: but the Marquess asked the man who made the relation unto him, of what Garison the Lord Bellameunt was Governour; it was told his Lordship, that he was Governour of Cambden house; the Marquess replyed, that when the King had done as he said, that then his Majesty m [...]ght go to his Garison, and there he m [...]ght have Cambdens Remains.

30. There be three sorts of Government, Monarchical, Historical, Democratical, and they are apt to fall three several wayes into ruine. The first by Tyranny, the second by ambition, the last by t [...]mulr. A Common-weal grounded upon any of these, is but of short continuance, but being wisely mingled, either guard the other, and makes the government exact.

31. A certain Court Lady, being very extravagant in all pleasures of this life, was admonished to steer another course, and being prest hard by the Minister, of the van [...]ty of all earthly things set forth so fully by Solomon, she answered, What tell you me of Solom [...]n? Solomon never said they were vanity [...]ntil [Page] he had tried them, even so will I do, and then I will tell you my judgement of them: His Majesties opinion of it was, That she was led more by sense than faith.

32. The Mahometans live in such exemplary concord, that they seldom break into ill language, but if they do so, a third man will reprove them, with a Fye Mussel-man fall out! and all is appeased, h [...]s Majesties determination on this was, That Christianity would be far more be [...]ful than it is, if it could be brought to such a degree of perfection.

33. A man being a great observer of Dreams, dreamed, that all Dreams were vain; which when he awoke, he was in a maze to consider of it; but at last recollecting himself, he thought that if all Dreams were vain, then this was vain and all the rest true; but them again, if this Dream was true, then all his other Dreams were vain; so in this labyrinth I leave him. His majesties judgment on it was, That dream had much altered the case of his former judgment on that subject.

34. Sir John Hotham a notable monument of unprosperous disloyalty teached the world by so sad and unfortunate a spectacle, that the rude carriage of a subject towards his Soveraign [Page] carries alwayes its own vengeance, as an unseparable shadow with it.

35. Some men have so much of the Serpents subtilty, that they forget the Doves simplicity.

36. No men are prone to be greater Tyrants, and more rigorous exactors upon others to conform to their illegal novelties, than such whose pride was formerly least disposed to the obedience of lawful constitutions, and whose licentious humours most pretended conscientious liberties.

37. In the war, the King came to a Castle, and told the Lord thereof, that he thought not to have stayed with his Lordship above 3. days, but his occasion requiring a longer stay, and considering that it was a Garrison, and that his provision might be spent by so great a pressure, was willing his Lordship should take what provision the Countrey would afford for his present maintenance, and recruit [...] to which his Lordship answered; I humbly tha [...] [...] Majesty, but my [...] will never stand [...], i [...] it le [...]ns upon the [...], & I had rather be brought to a m [...]rsel of bread, than any m [...]rsels of bread should be brought in to cu [...]in your M [...]sty.

[Page] 38. Carry a watchful eye upon dangers till they come to ripeness, and when they are ripe, let loose a speedy hand, he that expects them too long, meets them too late, and he that meets them too soon, gives advantage to the evil. Commit their beginning to Argus his eyes, and their ends to Br [...]areus hands, and than art safe.

39. Fortune hath no power over wisdom, but of sensuality, and of Lives that swim and navigate without the loadstone of discretion and Judgment.

40. Aristarchus scoffingly said, That in old time hardly could be found seven wise men throughout the world, but in one day, quoth he, much ado there is to find so many fools.

41. After Antigenus had been sick a long time of a lingring disease, and well recovered again, We have, said he, got no harm by this long sickness; for th [...]s hath taught us not to be so proud, by p [...]tting us in mind, that we are but mortal: his Majesties determination of it was, That were he real, he had by it learned a most divine Less [...]n.

42. That an infallid thing may be discerned and known by a fallid means: As for example, our senses are fallid, [Page] but by them we know many things infallid; whence the Papists inferre, that because the Church is visible, therefore the chief head must be visible. The universal Church consisteth of two parties, the one visible, the other invisible; to wit, a visible body, and an invisible spirit, and therefore the chief head of the Church should rather be visible, but we grant many visible substitutes over the Church, as subordinate Rulers under the chief.

43. Sir Thomas Somerset, brother to the Marquess of Worcester, had a house which they called Troy, five miles from Ragland Castle: this Sir Thomas being a compleat Gentleman of himself, delighted himself much in fine Gardens and Orchards, where by the benefit of art the earth was made so graceful to him at the same time, that the King happened to be at his brothers house, that it yielded him wherewithal to send his brother Worcester a present, and such an one as the time & place considered was [...]ble to make the King to believe, that the Soveraign of the Planets had new changed the Poles, and that Woles, the re [...]use and outcast of the fair Garden of England, had fairer and riper fruit than [Page] Englands bowels had on all her beds, this presented to the Marquess, the Marquess would not suffer to be presented to the King, by any other hand than his own, in comes the Marquess at the latter end of Sapper, led by the arm, with a slow pace, expressing much a Spanish gravity, with a silver dish in each hand filled with rarities, and a little basket on his arm, as a reserve, where making his obeysance, he thus speaks, May it please your Majesty, if the four Elements could have been robd to have entertained your Majesty, I think I had but done my duty; but I must do as I may, if I had sent to Bristol for some good things to entertain your Majesty, that had been no wonder at all, if I had procured from London some goodness, that might have been acceptable to your Majesty, but here I present your Majesty (placing his dishes upon the Table) with what, that came not from Lincoln, that was not London, that is not York that is to be, but I assure your Majesty, that this Present came from Troy; whereupon the King smiled, and answered the Marquess, Truly my Lord, I have heard, That corn now grows where Troy Town stood, but I never [Page] thought there had grown any Apricocks there before. Whereupon the Marquess replyed, any thing to please your Majesty: when my Lord Marquess departed the presence, one told his Lordsh [...]p, that he would make a very good Courtier, the Marquess said, I remember I said one thing that may give you some hopes of me, Any thing to please your Majesty.

44. The first night his Majesty came into Rag [...]and Castle, the King desired to see the great Tower, where his Lordship did use to keep his Treasure, his Majesty spake au [...]o Doctor Baily then standing by to fetch the keys; he ran down to the Marquess and acquainted him with the Kings pleasure, who would needs bring them to the King, and shew him the Tower himself: when the King saw the Marquess bringing the keys himself, he [...]aus spake unto the Marquess, My Lord, there are some men so unreasonable, as to make me believe, that your Lordship hath good store of gold yet lest within t [...]s Tower, but I knowing how I have exhausted you, together [...] your own occasions, could never have believed it until now I see [Page] you will not trust the keyes with any but your self: to which the Marquess made this reply, Sir, I was so far from giving your Majesty any such occasion of thought by this tender of my duty that I protest unto you, that I was once resolved that your Majesty should have lain there, but that I was loath to commit your Majesty to the Tower.

45. When the King first entred the gates of Ragland, the Marquess delivered his Majesty the keyes according to the ordinary custom, the King restoring them to the Marquess, the Marquess said, I beseech your Majesty to keep them if you please, for they are in a good hand, but I am afraid that ere it be long, I shall be forced to deliver them into the hands of those who will spoil the Complement.

46. H [...]s Majesty professed that he could not fix his love on one that was never angry; for as he that is without sorrow is without gladness; so he that is without Anger, is without Love.

47. Upon discourse of life, his Majesty observed that it was one of the fol [...]es of man, that when he was full of dayes, [Page] and near his end, that then he should love life most.

48. Cato said, to which his Majesty assents, That the lest way to keep good Acts in memory, was to refresh them with new.

49. King Charls coming to Ragland, it being when the tall Cedar of our Lebanon was brought so low, and those Sycomores flourished, when the Royal Oak was in the fall of the leaf, it happened that his Majesty was at bowls upon Ragland Castle Green, a place proudly situated, where after he had ended his Recreation, his Majesty was pleased to delight himself with observing the Co [...]ntrey round about, it happened, that one Prichard, the Kings partner at bowls, presuming more upon his good bowling, than good manners, continued that familiarity, that should have ended with the rubbers, shewing the King where his house stood, & told his Majesty that he must look through the wood, and he might see a white thing, and that was it: moreover acquainted his Majesty, what the Lord of Wercester had advised him, viz. to cut down some of those trees, that the house might plainly be discerned from the Green, whereby his Lordship when he wanted [Page] a good bowler, might make a sign, and so have him at a beck: to which the King replyed, Mr. Prichard, let me give you better advice, put up more trees where the trees are so thin, that my Lord of Worcester may not see thy house at all. The Marquess of Worcester supposing the King had dreamed of this greediness, of purchasing all the Land which was near unto him, shewed his Majesty a row of trees, and told the King, that beyond that row of trees stood a pretty Tenement, and because he would not have Naboths vineyard to be an eye-sore to him, he had planted those trees to hoodwink his eyes from such temptations.

50 God made one part of man of earth, the basest element, to teach him [...] lity, his soul proceeded from the bosom of himself, to teach him goodness; so that if he look downward nothing is viler, if he cast his eyes to heaven, he is of a matter more excellent than the Angels. The former part was a type of Adam, the second of Christ, which gives life to that which was dead in it self.

APOPHTHEGMS OF THE EARL OF VVORCESTER.

[Page]

1 AT the Kings being at Ragland, there were some information given of some Gentlemen of the County, who were supposed to have done his Majesty many ill offices, by withdrawing the hearts of the people from his Majesty: these men thus accused, were ordered to be laid hold of, and it was executed accordingly, and they being brought before his Majesty, it was moved by some, that they should be forthwith tryed by a Commission of Oyer and Terminer, others advised his Majesty they should be sent to Hereford, and there to be kept in safe custody, until further consultation might be had concerning them, they excusing themselves [Page] as well as they could, one of them protesting his innocency with tears in his eyes; the King ordered, that he should be released, being always prone to lean to pity rather than Justice, and to favourable rather than rigid construction. The King coming back from Alergeveny, where this was put in execution, told the Marquess what he had done, and that when he saw them speak so honestly, he could not but give some credit to their words, so seconded by tears, and withal told the Marquess that he had onely sent them to prison, whereupon the Marquess said, what to do? to poyson that Garison? Sir, you should have done well to have heard their accusations, and then to have shewed what mercy you pleased. The King told him, that he heard they were accused by some contrary Faction, as to themselves, who out of distast they bore to one another upon old grudges, would be apt to charge them more home than the nature of their offences had deserved: to whom the Marquess made this return, Well Sir, you may chance to gain you the Kingdom of heaven by such doings as these, but if ever you get the Kingdom of England, by such [Page] wayes, I will be your bond-man.

2. The Marquess had a mind to tell the King as handsomly as he could of some of his (as he thought) faults, and thus he contrived his plot against the time, that his Majesty was wont to give his Lordship a visit, as commonly he used to do after dinner, his Lordship had the book of John Gower lying before him on the Table, the King casting his eye upon the book, told the Marquess, that he had never seen it before, O said the Marquess, it is a book of books, which if your Majesty had been well versed in, it would have made you a King of Kings; Why so my Lord, said the King? Why said the Marquess, here is let down how Aristotle brought up and instructed Alexander the great in all his iudiments and principles belonging to a Prince; and under the persons of Alexander and Aristotle, he read the King such a lesson, that all the standers by were amazed at his boldness, and the King supposing that he had gone further than his Text would have given him leave, asked the Marquess, whether he had his lesson by heart, or whether he spake out of the book: the Marquess replyed, Sir, if you could [Page] read my heart, it may be, you might find it there, or if your Majesty please to get it by heart, I will lead you my book, which latter proffer the King accepted of, and did borrow it: nay said the Marquess, I will lend it you upon these conditions, 1. That you read it, 2. That you make use of it: but perceiving how some of the new made Lords fretted and bit the thumbs, at certain passages in the Marquesses Discourse he thought a little to please his Majesty, though he displeased them, the men who were so much displeased already, protesting unto his Majesty, that no man was so much for the absolute power of a King, as Aristotle, desiring the book out of the Kings hand, he told the King he would shew him one remarkable passage to that purpose, turning to that place, that had this verse, viz.

A King can kill, a King can save,

A King can make a Lord a knave.

And of a knave a Lord also.

Whereupon there were divers new made Lords, who slank out of the room, which the King observing, told the Marquess, My Lord, at this rate you will drive away all my Nobility; [Page] the Marquess replyed, I protest unto your Majesty, I am as new a made Lord, as any of them all, but I was never called knave and rogue so much in all my life, as I have been since I received this last honour, and why should not they bear their shares?

3. The Marquess travelling, was as he thought surprized by enemies, but recovering the top of a high Mountain, by the advantage of the ground he could see the enemy marching off another way, at which sight the Marquess dwelt with his eyes a little longer upon that object, then the L. John Somerset his son thought convenient, whereunto the Marquess made this reply, O son, I love to see my own danger, especially when it is marching of.

4. The Marquess travelling on the way, happened to come to a place wherein was seen a miracle, which the tradition of those parts reports to have been wrought, occasioned upon Saint Davids preaching unto 3000 people, who that he might the better be heard, the ground it is said to rise up in a round knob, whereupon Saint David pitched his Cross whereon he leaned whilst he was preaching, which Cross [Page] was yet standing with some words, and letters, which time had made unlegible, and that Saint David had caused a Church to be erected in that place, as a memorial of so great a miracle: this relation made the Marquess very desirous to view the place, the Church, and the Cross, and standing in the Church yard, every man endeavoured to make something of the obliterated superscription, and no man could, for there were only these worn pieces of characters to be seen, viz. Crx. Xt [...] Dd. and a piece of an S. which my Lord presently read it Crux Christi Davidis, which we all wondring that no man could find it out, it afterwards appearing to be so plain, he told, as look you now, I without my Spectacles and ill eyes could read it sooner than all you that needed none, and had good eyes, it is not a good eye, but a good faith that attains to the knowledg of such things which you pore so much upon, the like you lose the meaning, now I will tell you how I came to find it out, I considered what had been told me, with the help wherof I came to unstand what the words might signifie, so that in this I am sure tradition was a [Page] means to help me to the true understanding of the Scripture. Leaving the place, as we were going along by the Church yard rails, there was an old woman naked as ever she was born, who kept her Hermitage between the roots of an overgrown hollow tree, she was the most lamentable spectacle of Mortality that ever eyes beheld, her eyes as hollow as a dead mans scul, and her head as bare, nothing but skin and bone, her breasts hanging down like two leathern pockets, and her belly like a Satchel, her tawny skin looking rather as if it had been loose garments to the bo [...]es, then confines to any flesh and blood, in a word it frightned us all, only the Marquess was in love with her, protesting that he never saw a sight wch did him so much good, saying, How happy were it for a man that is going to bed to his grave, to be first wedded to this woman.

4. The Marquess on discourse about Religion, said, That God was fain to deal with wicked men as men do with frisking jades in a pasture: that cannot take them up till they get them to a gate: so wicked men will not be taken up till the hour of death.

5. Treating of youth, the Marquess said, that it was the best course for Parents [Page] and Tutors to teach children: that when they are young, they may put in practice, when they are grown up in riper years.

6. Philo Jude [...]s saith, to which the Marquess assents, that the sense is like the Sun, for the Sun seals up the globe of heaven, and opens the globe of earth, so the sense doth obscure heavenly things, and reveal earthly things.

7. He was wont to say, that a plain dealing friend, whose friendly Counsel was requited with choler and disgust, was like a turf, that whilst a man bestowed breath upon it to enliven it, it returns thanks to the well-willer, by spitting fire in his face.

8. Dr. Baily living at Ragland castle three years, in all that time never saw man drunk, nor heard an oath amongst any of all his servants, and very rare it was to see a better ordered Family, but that which was most wonderful was, half his servants being Protestants, and half Papists, yet never were at variance in point of Religion: which was brought about by prohibiting disputation, neither was any man less accepted for his Religion, if his service was acceptable, but when the Castle, [Page] was filled with Officers & Souldiers, he used to be much grieved to hear and see the Oaths and drunkenness, that was then and there too much practised; insomuch, that when some of his chief Officers had told him how they had fortified such and such a place so and so, and that here the enemy could not come, and there it was impossible, I, but said my Lord, you have left the main place open and unfortified; you have made no fortification against heaven, for there is such swearing and drunkenness amongst you, that I fear me, that from thence will come you [...] greatest enemy, and you have made no provision against him.

9. As the Marquess was in his travel from Dneb. shire toward Ragland, he determined to lye in a poor Town called Bala in Mer [...]neth shire, where being come, upon misinformation, that they were enemies, the people gazed on them like Owls, and no Officer belonging to the Town, would be spoken withal: At last, one of the Marquesses retinue espied a young man, who had a Ribbon on his hat with Vive le Roy in it, to whom he applyed himself, and told him, that he by his favour should be one [Page] that loved the King, and that there was such a Nobleman, who had served the King in no small measure, who was likely to ly in the streets for want of a Lodging: the young man shewed immediately great respect, telling his Lordship, that he should be welcom to his Mothers house, who kept a poor Inn. So into the house his retinue went, finding it a most lamentable receptacle for such a person, yet better than none at all; the Parlour where my Lord was to lye, was a soft and loose ground, wherein you might sink up to the ancles every step, the top of the house being thatched with ill thrasht straw, the corn was left in the straw, wherewith the house was thatched, grew, and was all as green as grass. The Marquess by that time that we had got a good fire, and laid some loose boards over the sloor, came near the house, who seeing the manner of the house top, and the parlour bottom, said, That he lay over a bog, and under a Meadow: but it being known who he was, the Mayor of the Town with singular respect and much humanity, came to the Marquess, excusing his ignorance, and misunderstanding, offering all the [Page] civilities of his own house, for which my Lord gave him many and hearty thanks, breaking forth into this Meditation, Lord what a thing this misunderstanding is! I warrant you might but the King and Parliament confer together, as you and I have done, there might be as right an understanding betwixt them, as there is now betwixt you and I, some body hath told the Parliament, that the King was an enemy, and their believing of him to be such, hathwrought all the jealousies which are come to these distractions, the Parliament being now in such a case as I my self am, having green ears over their heads, and false ground under their feet.

10. The Marquess of Worcester calling for a glass of Claret wine, it was told him by his Physician, that Claret wine was naught for his gout; What, said the Marquess, my old friend Claret? nay, give it me in spight of all Physicians and their books, it never shall be said, that I forsook my friend for my enemy.

11. The Marquess discoursing of the small profit generally got by disputation in matters of Religion, said, That men are often in arguing, carried by the [Page] force of words f [...]rther asunder than their question was at first, like two ships going out of the same haven, their journeys end is many times whole Countries distant.

12. Drunkenness is a beastly vice, and hath this property, that it is one of those vices, that increaseth with age: which Discourse the Marquess prosecuted by a certain story of a certain Philosopher, that having a drunken man brought before him, to know what suitable punishment he should suffer for the offence, the vice was so rarely known in those dayes, that the Philosopher was wholly ignorant of it, and therefore caused him to be brought before him the day following, in the interim of which time, the Philosopher drank himself drunk, and thereby was so sick, that he judged nothing but death would immediately ensue, but it being once over, and the man appearing the next day to know his doom, he said, I adjudge thee to no other punishment, than to bedrunk again, for certainly that crimecarries its punishment along with it.

13. The Earl of Worcester travelling toward Ragland, at a certain Inne in a poor town, where he lay, by the [Page] carelessness of servants left behind him 1000 l. in gold, being hid under a Bench, and forgot to be taken away, the money was never missed until they came to their journies end at night, and it being told my Lord that so much was missing, and where they had left it, my Lord made no other words of it but these, you talk of a cheap reckoning, but I never paid so dearly for a nights Lodging in all my life: who would think that a man should leave so much money behind him in such a lousie Inn? One that stood by told the Marquess, that it was a hundred to one if ever he heard of his money again, it was such a beggarly house, O peace, said the Marquess, if they will not be known of the money, you shall see it will be a brave Inn in a short time: this mony was sent after, and very honestly restored, and delivered into the Messengers hands that came for it. Being brought unto the Marquess, there was much wondring at the honesty of the woman of the house, others praised the whole town seeing it was generally known. The Marquess told them, It may be the town never saw so much mony before, and therefore they knew not what to make of it.

[Page] 14. The Marquess journeying on his way to Ragland, happened to come to a place that was called Strata del storida, in Cardiganshire, which made him say that he was brought to the West Indies already, an old ruined, but sometimes a most famous Monastery, with whose ruines was built a pretty tolerable Welsh Gentlemans house, where my Lord lodged that night, in which house there was shown an old old woman, who was credibly reported to have been living, and of years able to remember when the Monastery was in its flourishing condition, and to have been at Mass oftentimes when the place was inhabited by Monks and Friars: this strange relation was no sooner carried up, and presented to my Lords ears, but my Lord was as greedy to glut his eys with such an object, as they to fil his ears with the relation: the woman being sent for came, coming, the Marquess questioned her concerning the manner of the Monks behaviour, both in their Service, their Orders, Habits, Customs, and all other particulars, who gave his Lordship so exact an account, that he believed it to be true, and confessed that it must needs be so; and questioning [Page] of her further, about her age, she said she was an hundred years of age: then the Marquess asked her, And what when the Religion altered, you altered with the Religion? she answered, no in truth Master, I staid to see whether or no the people of the new religion would be better than the people of the old, and I could see nothing, but grew worse and worse, & charity to wax colder & colder, & so kept me to my old religion, I thank God, and by the grace of God mean to live and die in it. The Marquess turned to the Gentleman of the house, who was a Protestant, and asked him whether or no, she had been noted for a Papist all her life, the Gentleman said, that she had, & could never be brought from it; and that she would oftentimes steal into the Church alone with her beads, and there she would be praying by her self; the Marquess dismissed her for the present, but after Suppen sent for her again, and had some more private conference with her; amongst other things he asked her how she did to serve God, and when she had seen a Priest last, when she had been at Mass, or received the Sacrament: the woman answered, that she had not seen a Priest [Page] not in sixty years, but she did her office daily, and never missed, and once a year upon Goodfriday she received the Sacrament at the Parsons hands, praying unto God, that seeing she could not attain unto the means, that God would make the Parson a Priest to her at that day, which she believing God Almighties judgment to be such, as that he did hear her prayers. The Marquess fell into such a fit of Laughter, and then into such expressions of admiration, that it was rare to see him transported into such extreams, so at last he ended in pity and commiseration, which wrought in the Marquess this effect, and to the poor woman this intended advantage; the Marquess gave her ten pieces of old Gold, telling her, that if she would go with him to Ragland, and spend the remainder of her dayes with him she should be welcom, and there enjoy the means of bringing her thither, where now she had but a little way to go, meaning heaven. The woman fell a crying, saying over and over again constantly, God hath sent him, God hath sent him, he was a good man, and so she departed, resolving to go as soon as possible toward Ragland. [Page] The next news that was heard in the morning was, that the poor woman was dead, whereupon the Marquess excessively grieved, and wept, all concluding that she died of an excessive joy, whereat the Marquess said thus, If this poor soul died for joy that she should come into a place where she might serve God, bo [...] joyfully will she serve him when she comes into a place where she shall never dye?

15. The Marquess discoursing once of the Essence of God, excellently commended the wisdom of Simonides, who being asked of Hiero, what he thought of God, asked a seven-nights time to consider of it, and at the seven-nights end he asked a fourtnights time, at the fourtnights end he asked a moneth, at which Hiero marvelling, Simonides answered, That the longer he thought on it, the more difficult he found it.

16. The Earl of Glamorgan, the Marquess of Worcesters eldest son, accompanied with divers of high rank and quality, as they were on their journey for Ireland, quartered in the town of Carnarvan, a Sea Town in North Wales, where they were entertained with Discourse at the Table, by some of the Country Gentlemen, who informed them of the [Page] falling of an old Welsh Prophesie at that very time and place, which was viz. That there should come a Magpy, and build her nest in the Crown, then should come a Jackdaw, and beat away the Magpy, and after that there should come a Buzzard, that should beat away the Jackdaw, and then there should be seen no Crown, but that of thorns upon the Kings head, at last there should come a Band of men from a far Countrey, & take away the thorns, and then the Crown should appear again: this they said, was thus hitherto accomplished, viz. Over the gate of Carnarvan Castle, there was the picture of King Edward the first, in full proportion, with a Crown upon his head, there did come a Magpy, and did build her nest in the said Kings Crown, and a Jackdaw did beat away the Magpy, and the Buzzard the Jackdaw: this we assure your Honour to be true; for all our Townsmen have observed it. Dinner being ended, they all went unto the Castle gate, being greedy to satisfie their eyes with the sight, as well as their ears with the Relation; where being come they beheld the sight, the nest being disordered by the fighting [Page] of the combatants, and the materials of the nest made such a mournful aspect, as if they had bin artificially pleated upon the Kings head. The Earl of Clamorgan could not endure the sight, but straightway commanded the nest to be pulled down, the materials of which was such, as never any bird builded her nest with, viz. White thorn: the story being related to the Marquess of Worcester, after some pause he said, that is the nick-name, which the Roundheads use to give to the Bishops: and none about him guessing at his meaning, he said, as I take it, they used to call the Bishops Magpies, whom they reproach for building their nests in the Crown, then came the Presbyterian Jackdaws, and beat them out, and the next thing that you shall see, will be the Independant, Buzzards, which drive them away, and who comes next God knows: but asking further, whether it was an open or an Imperial Crown, answer being made that it was open, O then, said the Marquess, that was the reason the Kings Crown was too open, had it been close at top with the Cross over head, such unlucky birds could never have come there to have built their nests.

[Page] 87. Antisthenes being asked of one, what Learning was most necessary for mans life, answered, To unlearn that which is naught.

18. The Marquess would often say, that all the inconveniences that the frailty of humane nature was incident to fall into, ever happened through the vvant of this, Consideration had at the end of every action before ever we enterprised a beginning, viz. What then, what will be the effects of it?

19. On the marriage of my Lord Edward Herbert, with the Earl of C [...]rnarvans daughter, there happened this merry passage or mock-wedding, as an ecco to the voices, that were heard in Hymens Chappel, between that lovely couple, who had newly left being wholly themselves by being half of each other, one pair of Lovers had no sooner united two hearts in one, and had seated themselves by one of the many properties belonging unto the honourable state of matrimony, viz. the board, but one Thom. Deputy, an old Bachellour, chanced to cast his eye upon a pretty piece of waiting woman, one of the appurtenances to this honourable Bride, he this jovial Them, [Page] having whetted his wits by the sides of the marriage bowl, fixes upon being enabled sufficiently thereby to follow any humour, as a fit subject to make their Ladiships some sport, which happened to be so suitable to the occasion, and so well performed, that it soon captivated the ears also of all the Masculine Nobility, thus incountring the fair Bride, Madam, you have the prettiest piece of necessity yonder at the side Table, that I know not how any man can be without her, that may have her for asking, Madam, will you give her me? I protest I will marry her, & fancy my self to be a Lord, & her self a Lady, My mind to me a kingdom is, which shall make her a sufficient Jomture, Thom. Thom. said the Marquess, such men as you and I, whose joints are enfeebled with the strokes of many years, must not think to win young maids, by promising to make Jointures of the mind, but will you make her Deputy of Deputy Hall, and Landlady of all the Land that is belonging to it, & mistris of all the stock that is upon the Land, and goods that is within the house, and then you shall hear what my daughter and her woman will say unto you? With all my [Page] heart said Thom. and all the hogs and Poultry that are about the house to boot, & she shall lie upon six Featherbeds the first night. Why then it shall be a match, said the Lady. With all myheart, give me your hand Madam, sayes Deputy, I will have her, if there be no more necessary evils in the world, and presently makes his addresses to the pretty little Gentlewoman of the said Table, who had heard all the Discourse, and was perswaded then upon his approach to answer his humour with a condescention at the first word, and informed, that he was an old rich whoreson, he accosting her after this manner, This pretty moppet, now thy Lady hath given her consent that I shall have thee, if thou sayest so too, we will be in bed as soon as they. With all my heart, and thank you too, said the young Gentlewoman, By my troth, a match said he, give me thy hand, 'tis done, I will break such a jest this day, as I never broke in my life. But do not break your prom se, said the Gentlewoman. What before all this company, said Thom. that were a shame. Up he goes again to the Lady, and tells her that they were agreed. My Lady drank to him upon the same condition, [Page] he pledgedher, & wished thewine might be his poison if he did not marry her after dinner; the Lady willing to prefer her woman to such a fortune, held him to his word, and required performance of his promise, giving her many and high commendations. Thom. went not from any part of his promise, only the time excepted, and that in regard he meant to buy himself some wedding cloaths. The Marquess willing to remove that obstacle, told him that he thought his cloaths would fit him, and bid him go into his wardrobe, and take what he had a mind to. Give me your key said Thom, it was delivered unto him. Up went he, and then came down with his Beaver hat, Sattin cloak, said with plush, daub [...]d with a gold & silver lace suit of the same, silkstockings, with roses and garters suitable, inside and outside, cap a-pe, all as brave, as if he carried a Lordship on his back. The Lady Bride takes her woman aside, and dresseth her in one of her newest and richest gowns, with all things answerable thereto, not without some store of sleight jewels, and brings her down as glorious as the morp, that breaks from the Eastern hill, [Page] and chases night away, they look upon one another, and all upon them both, Thom. cries out, I had best be in good earnest, said my Lady, I thought you had been in sober sadness, you will not now make us take all this pains for nothing, No by no means, said he, if ever we repent, we will sell our fine cloaths & buy cattel, it is better being a Lord for a week, than a slave for ever. Come thy wayes, Happy is that wrong, that is not long a doing. Married they were in the greatest pomp and Ceremony, and the Queen of beauty took delight in loosing the eyes of the vulgar, which by this time was altogether fixed on the Lady of the May. Thom. acted his Scene of mirth in the Hall, which proved to be a thing of that convenience, as if it had been an act of some set policy to keep the crowd out of the Parlour, that the Marquess might have room enough to dance in. At last when the Masque was ended, and time had brought in Supper, the Cushion led the dance out of the Parlour into the Hall, and saluted the old new made Bridegroom and his Lady, leading them into a Parlour, to a Table which was furnished with the same allowance that was allotted for all [Page] the Nobles, where they were soon forced to sit down, first Thom. taking upon him, as much as they could give him, in fine, Supper being ended, the Marquess of Worcester asked the Lady, his daughter, if she had an hundred pounds about her, she answered, No my Lord, but I can send for as much, I pray do said the Marquess, but it must be all in gold. She sent for it, and presented it to her father, who pulled out another purse of an hundred pieces, and put the two hundred pieces into a basin, saying, Madam, if you do not give earnest, Deputy will tell you in the morning, that he married your woman but in jest. Whereupon some gave fifty, others forty, some gave twenty, others ten, the least gave five pieces, who fate at the Table, in all seven hundred pounds, the apparel and other gifts amounting to no less a value, than one thousand pounds, which so transported the old man, that he protested, that now he was in the humour, he would marry all the waiting Gentlewomen that they had, one every day in the week, as long as the wedding lasted, My Lord Marquess replyed. I, but Thom. you have left, out one thing that you should have [Page] said, viz. at this rate, not to be too tediòus. The man, what with bounty, and what with that, which was as free to every man as were their purses unto him (which was good wine) was not himself, when he should have gone tobed to another, which being related to my Lord, his Lordship took an occasion to tell the company the story of the beggar, who was made believe he did but dream of the happiness that was really acted; & thereupon the Marquess was desirous to make experiment, whether it could be related in the person of old Thomas, in order whereunto he gave command, that my friend Thomas should be disrobed of his new wedding garment, the rest of his fine cloaths taken from him, and himself carried unto his old Lodging in the Porters Lodge, and his wife to respite the Solemnization of the marriage-bed until his comportment should deserve so fair an admission: which was done accordingly, the next morning made the experiment to answer the height of all their expectations; for news was brought unto the Marquess, all the rest of the Lords and Ladies standing by, that Thom. took all yesterdayes work but for a dream, or at least seemed to do so, to [Page] humour the fancy I should be endless, if I should relate unto you the sport that this fellow made. To conclude, the Marquess called them both before him, and delivered unto them the money, with many good exhortations to them both, moralizing upon the premises.

20. The Marquess talking of an old drunken fellow, who having used his body to disorder in drinking all his life t [...]me, at last giving it over, presently dyed, Oh, said the Marquess, if you take a brand out of the fire, that is throughly burnt it will fall in pieces, but if you let it lie there still, it may remain a pretty while before it turn to ashes.

21. Doctor Baliy, walking one day with his Lordship in a private walk, that was about the round Tower, and there esping where a bird had made her nest, whom they disturbed from hatching her young ones, and sitting upon her eggs, which act of nature my Lord compared unto the manner of the Creation; for said he, God having made his nest in the world, and brought forth his young at first imperfected, did by his spirit breath, and by his wings of providence spread over them, he gave them [Page] life and power, and by his word he brake the shell, and so the world was gloriously peopled.

22. They are fools, quoth the Marquess, who because it is said, Examine your selves and come, will not communicate, till they be as they think perfect, forgetting, that Christ came into the world, not for the healthful, but sick, and that we come unto that Table to be refreshed with that spiritual food, bringing nothing with us, but a purpose to amend.

23. On a Discourse of the several windings and turnings that have been in the compass of twelve years: he thus delivered himself, that every age breeds some exorbitant spirits, who turn the edge of their own sufficiency upon whatsoever they can devour in their own ambitious apprehensions, seeking rather a name, than a good fame, and holding it the chiefest honour to be thought the wonder of the times, which if they attain unto, is but in the condition of monsters, that are generally much admired, but more abhorred.

24. During the Siege of Ragland, there came a musquet bullet in at the window of the withdrawing room, [Page] where my Lord was used to entertain his friends with his pleasant Discourses after Dinners and Suppers, which glancing upon a little marble pillar of the window, and from thence hit the Marquess upon the side of the head, and fell down flatted upon the Table, which breaking the pillar in pieces, it made such a noise in the room, that the Countess of Glamorgan who stood in the same window, ran away, as if the house had been falling down upon her head, crying out, O Lord, O Lord; but finding her self more afraid than hurt, she returned back again, no less excusing her self, as she was pleased to call it rudeness to her father, than acknowledging her fears to all the company: to whom the Marquess said, Daughter, you had reason to run away, when your father was knockt on the head, and pausing some while, and turning the flatted bullet round with his finger, he further said, Gentlemen, Those who had a mind to flatter me, were wont to tell me, that I had a good head-piece in my younger dayes, but if I do not flatter my self, I think I have a good head-piece in my old age, or else it would not have been Musquet proof.

[Page] 25. One was telling the Marquess how strangely Doctor Baily his Chaplain escaped a shot, by the bar of a Window, looking out into the Leaguer, as thus, Standing in a window of the Castle, there came a musquet bullet, & hit falling against the edge of an iron bar of a Chamber Window, so that it parted the bullet in two, the bar exspatiating it self by degrees towards the middle, one half of the bullet flew on the one side, & the other half on the other side, so that by Gods providence no harm was done. The Marquess hearing this, asked in whose chamber it was, his Chaplain told him, his Lordship said, that the Window of that chamber was cross-barrrd, and you will never believe me how safe it is to stand before the Cross when you face your enemy.

26. The Marquess on a Discourse of images related this story of a Papist, being opposed by a Protestant, that they had no Scripture for images, answered, yes, for you read, that the people laid their sick in the streets, that the shadow of Saint Peter might come upon them, and that a shadow was an image, and the obscurest of images.

27. Talking upon occasion of Christs miracles, viz. of his turning water into [Page] wine, and of the five loaves and two fishes, Why said the Marquess, these Miracles he works amongst us every day, but that they are so ordinary unto us, that we take no notice of them, God sends rain upon the earth, this water gets up into the vine, and the sap of the vine tree God turneth into wine, and as few grains of corn as will make five loaves, being sowed in the earth, will multiply & increase to such advantage as will feed 5000 with bread, and two fishes will bring forth so many fishes as will suffice so many mouths.

28. There was an old rich usurer and for [...]icator, who had a plot upon the body and estate of a handsom young widow, and an inheritrix of an estate, which the old Miser thought rather convenient than great enough for him; wherefore having a mind rather to enjoy than have her, and knowing that she was in Debt, courted her with offering to leave her monies, as an argument of his affection, which she accepted of, offering to bindher estate for repaymen [...] hoping that the tye of his person would be a freedom of her estate: thus with his money, he got his foot into hereestate, and by a false promise slept into [Page] her bed, as often as he had a mind to lye doubly. Six years he staved her off, who bed-staved him in, within her own sleeping room, but at last, that she might be sure of the substance, she urged him to the Ceremony, and that so much, that at last he gave her a flat denial, wherupon she flatly denies him the former familiarity, he seizes upon her estate and answers, the kindness of he [...] admittance of him into her own bed, with the Discourse of turning her out of her own doors: She makes the Marquess her friend, declaring unto him how much she had been abused by him, and withal that she was willing to pay him his money, but not the use of it, as he required: The Marquess sends for this whoreson, and offered himself a mediatour, the man was unwilling to that, yet knew not well how to deny him: which the Marquessperceiving, called him aside, and bid him get her to be bound with him in a bond of five hundred pounds, to stand to such an award as he should make between them, promising him faithfully, that he would award-him use upon use. O my Lord, said he, if you do so, I shall be much obliged to your Honour, and will be [Page] bound with all my heart, and will send you a couple of the bravest colts of your Lordships own breed, as any is in the Countrey. Well, well, said the Marquess, let it be so. Then all was done accordingly, and when the business was examined, & found to be as was before related, the Marquess made this award, viz. Sir said he, to the man, she hath had the use of your money so long, and you have had the use of her body so long, and there is use upon use; so I have allowed you what I promised.

28. The Marquess on a Discourse of Temptation thus delivered himself, that we pray in vain to God to save us from temptation, if at every occasion we run into it: Like one who voluntarily sticks in the dirt, and cries for help from those that pass by.

29. Thales said, that life and death was all one: one that was present asked him, Why do not you dye then? Thales said again, because they are all one. And being further asked, how a man should order his life, answered, as if a man should live long, or die quickly.

30. There was a great man in the Kings Army, between whom and the house of Ragland there was at this time [Page] animosity, the Marquess of Worcester had heard, how that this party should cast a dubious saying, as the case then stood, viz. that he intended to take Ragland in his way, and was so far good as his word, as that he marched into the Park, & there drew up his men, and faced the Castle, whereupon the Line was man'd, and Command was given, that none should be suffred to come near the Line, which Command was so observed, that some of the Officers of the Army approaching within the place prohibited, the Centinel bid stand, they did not, the Centinel called to them again to stand, they refused, the Lieutenant called upon the Centinel to fire, the Centinel preferring the knowledge of his friends before his duty to his Officer, did not give fire, but swore he would give fire if they would not stand, whereupon one of them told him, that it was such a General, and wondred that the Officer would bid the Souldier give fire upon him, the General forthwith coming to the drawbridge, and desired to speak with the Lord Charls, whom he no sooner faluted, but required satisfaction for the affront, he was desired to come into the Castle, and [Page] told that the matter should be examined before him, and if any affront was given, he should receive satisfaction: whereupon being come within the Castle, the Lieutenant was sent for, who told the General, that though he knew him to be a General, yet as a Souldier he was not to take any notice of him, until such time as he had declared himself, which when he did, he respected him accordingly: & further said that rewards he had seen given on the like occasion, but never knew it a fault before: all this would not serve, but the General said he was affronted, and must have satisfaction, and so took his leave. The Marquess of Worcester sleeping upon his bed all this while, and not dreaming of any of all this that had hapned in the interim, hearing the whole Relation, he askt all the Officers, whether the Lieutenant had offended, they unanimously answered no, and commended him for what he had done; then said the Marquess, this is but a pretence, they have a mind to quarrel with us; therefore I will send him to the General, and a Guard with him of such Souldiers as are able to witness the truth of it, and let him try him at his Councel of War, and see what Law he hath for [Page] it, and so we shall break the neck of the quarrel, and so said the Lieutenant I shall be hanged by the neck for my labour. Whereat the Marquess replyed, What friends hast thou in the Garison? The Lieutenant made answer, I have a wife and a daughter: then said the Marquess with some vehemence, I protest unto thee, if they hang thee, I will marry thy wife, and provide for thy daughter. The Lieutenant replyed, I had rather you would marry my daughter, and provide for me; I protest said the Marquess, I will marry thy daughter, and I will provide for thee an honourable grave, but you shall be hanged first. My Lord, said the Lieutenant, shall I bespeak my grave? thou shalt said the Marquess; then said the Lieutenant, I will be laid in the vault in Ragland Church, betwixt your father, and your Grandfather, and I pray God I may be hanged before I see you again; and so flung out of the room, leaving my Lord in a most merry vein, as possibly could be, who remembring himself sent him five pieces to bear his charges. The Lieutenant being brought to the General at Monmouth, the General dismissed him of his Guard, and sent him to Hereford with an oath at his heels, that he would [Page] hang him, if there were no more men in England; then the Lieutenant cryed out, This makes for us, I do but think how finely I shall lie between the two old Earls, and how finely the old Earl will lie between my daughters two young legs: the particulars whereof being brought to the Marquess, the Marquess was not a little perplext between fear of having his new Mistris, & losing his old friend, which he had run himself into between jest and earnest, but the greatest sport of all was, concerning the hopeful Lady Marquess, who was ever and anon enquiring and asking many questions concerning the Marquess, whom she never saw, what manner of man he was, how old, whether he went with a staff, or no? What was the reason he kept his chamber so much, and did not come abroad? Sometimes, what diseases he had? and how long it was ago since his Lady died? with many other necessary questions to be asked by a woman in her condition: nevertheless, it stood the Marquess upon to be sollicitous in the business, being so prest between two strong Passions, Love and Pity, and so he sends immediately to Hereford, where making [Page] some sport of the business there, the Lieutenant at last was brought home to his Wife and Daughter, who ever after was called, my Lady Marquess.

32. Discoursing before the Marquess concerning the error of the Manichees, who held there were two causes of Heaven and earth, viz. that the good and white God made the heaven, and man from the middle upward, and the black and evil God was the efficient cause of the earth, and of man from the middle downwards, that was but a foolish conceit said the Marquesse, for Gods power and wisdom is shown and seen, as well in an Ant as in an Elephant, as well in a worm as in an Angel, so his Godhead and might appears as well in the earth, as in the heavens, but methinks it had been a pretty fancy, and not far from truth or reason, if they had held that Heaven and Earth had been as man and Wife, or male and female, seeing the Heavens were made as the male part of the world, by whose influence, motion and dews, the earth as the female part thereof out of her womb brings forth all necessary and living creatures.

[Page] 33. On a Discourse of Necromancy, the Marquess thus delivered himself, that as none can be Scholars in a School, and not be subject to the Master thereof: So none can study and put in practise the Circles and Art of Magick, without committing a horrible defection from God.

34. The Marquesse was of a disposition alwaies inclinable to charitable constructions, which suffered him not to want excuses, or fome cloak or other to throw over any mans imperfections. There was a Gentleman of high desert, who chanced in the Marquess his hearing to come under the lash of some mens ceasures. Alas Gentlemen, said the Marquess, Will you have corn to grow without ch [...]ffe, or light to be without its adjoyning darkness, or the sweetest hony without unsavoury wax, or the pleasant wines, or liquors without their Lees and Dregs? As soon shall corn gr [...] without chaffe, as a man of his parts shal [...] be free from vain gl [...]ry; worthless chaffe keeps the corn warm, and vain glory fires him to all those brave atchieviments. If you set a man on his horse, le him have his spurs.

35. It was ordinary with the Marquess [Page] to entertain Discourse with every man according to the condition and profession he was of, and most commonly from the beginning of his Discourse, you should never know what the end would be, taking delight to deceive the expectation of his Auditor: Upon a time, there was presented unto him a Lawyer, and he was informed hefore-hand how excellent a man he was in his profession; the Marquess thought with himself how he might pose him, and being brought in with other Gentlemen, after they had dined he was presented unto the Marquess. Sir, said the Marquess, I have received a very good character of you, they say you are very learned in the Law, I would very fain ask you one question, Any thing my Lord, said the Lawyer, that lies within my poor ability. I pray, said the Marquess, who was the first man that ever had a Dedimus potestatem granted unto him? the Lawyer was so confounded, that he knew not what to say for a long time: at last he made a long and learned discourse concerning the original of that Writ, and the Marquess gave him the hearing, but when he had done, he told him, [Page] that hè came far short of the original thereof; for Adam was the first, that ever had fulness of power granted unto him, viz. when God gave him power to subdue the earth, and to have dominion over every living creature. The Lawyer thankt his Lordship, and told him, that he thought the Law had not been so antient. Antient, said the Marquess, there was the beginning of all your Courts of Justice, but I see you are but a common Lawyer that cannot derive your Pedigree from thence.

36. Aeneas Silvius said, to which the Marquess assents, That the Christian faith and Law, though it had not been confirmed by miracles, yet was most worthy to be received for the honesty therof.

37. There was a new married couple presented before the Marquess, the Bride a goodly proper woman, her face well feitured, an excellent eye she had, but was pitifully disfigured with the small Pox: the Marquess looking much upon her, and saying nothing to her a long while, we all knew that Silence was in labour for some notable Production, at last he advanceth toward the young Bride, and asked he [Page] Gentlewoman, Do you know why it is said, that God Almighty created man and builded woman? the Gentlewoman somewhat out of countenance, answered, No indeed, my Lord: The Marquess asked her again, Do you know why you women are called Housewives? I think my Lord said the Bride, because good wives should keep at home, and not gad abroad. It is a good answer said the Marquess, but not the right, for women may be bad wives at home as well as abroad. The answer to my first question is, women are not said to be made as Adam was, which only signifies plain work, but to be built, which signifies curiosity and co [...]trivance, and therefore as to my second question, a woman is called a housewife, because she is a house out of which all the Royal Families of Kings and Emperors derive their extract: neither are you only compared unto houses, but unto Cities, Kingdoms, Churches, and Common-wealths. But do you know what house you are like? No indeed my Lord, said the Bride, why then I will tell you, when God builded the first woman, he made her his storehouse wherein he laid up all the race of mankind, [Page] wherewith he replenishad the whole earth, but I must tell you Lady, God Almighty did not make you coaches nor waggons, that you should alwaies be gadding abroad. Whereat the Bridegroom made answer, My Lord, I think you for this, I hope my wife will remember it. My Lord, said the young Bride, you will read such a lecture to my husband, that he will never let me go abroad: O Lady said the Marquesse, he must not debar you of that liberty, provided, that you will never go abroad, but when you go like the Snail, who seldom stirs abroad, but whilst that blessing the dew of Heaven is upon the earth, that she may gather benefit, and by her greatest care, and equal management, still carrys here house upon her back. O my Lord said she, if I should go abroad like the Snail, I should carry a house upon my back, and horns in my forehead. No Lady said the Marquess, though she forks at you, yet they are no horns, the Snail can soon draw them in if you touch them, which no horned creature can perform, but she carrys them in her head, to teach you what you should provide & bear in your mind against you go to hay-making: but the [Page] Marquess fearing that he had a little displeased her, he thought to make her amends by the following discourse. Sir, said he to the Bridegroom, you know I have compared your wife to a building, and I must commend your choice, for said he, alluding to her disfigurement, a goodly house must not be chosen by the smoothness or whiteness of the wall, for such an one may be but a dairy-house, or a milk-house, nor according to the colours or painting on the outside, for such an one may be but a Tavern or an Alehouse; but if I see a house that is lofty and stately built, and have fair windows though the outside be but rough cast, yet I am sure there are goodly rooms within: and so both parties were well pleased.

38. It was told the Marquess that such a Romane Catholick, being sorely prest to take the oath of Supremacy, and being acquainted with another Gentleman that was a Protestant, and so like unto him that you could hardly distinguish them whilst they were together, much less asunder, this his image, as if Nature had chosen him to be his Representative, as the others part, [Page] the right stone being pulled out, and a counterseit set in the right Ring, and what with the likeness of his countenance and his apparel, he passed for currant, which jest my Romane thought so good, that he must needs brag of it to the Marquess, but the Marquess no way liked it, asking him, Would you put another upon that which you would not do your self? What if the Devil, (you two being so alike one another) should mistake you for him, I assure you he would go near to marre the conceit.

39. Vespasian asked of Apollonius what was the cause of Neroes ruine; who answered, That Nero could tune the harp well, but in G [...]vernment he did alwayes wind up the strings too high, or let them down too low.

40. T [...]ere was a young and beautiful Lady, who was shewing the Marquess, that the colours that hung off such a Tower, was one of the curtains of her bed. To which my Lord replied, Madam, I would you would set that little boy that uses to stand behind the curtain, on the top of that Tower, that we may see whether or no he would drive away all those men with his bow and arrows. To which the Lady replied. [Page] Cupid never raised a siege in his life, but he hath taken many a strong hold: then said the Marquess, I will tell you how you shall make yours impregnable. How my Lord, said the Lady? the Marquess said unto her, whensoever you see a handsom young man be sure you shut your eyes, or else he will take the Fort of your Virginity, flying in at your Windows.

41. The Marquess highly commended Queen Elizabeth's wisdom and prudence, thereupon relating this story, Queen Elizabeth being to resolve upon a great Officer, and being by some that canvased for others, put in some doubt of that person whom she meant to advance, called for Mr. Bacon, and told him, she was like one with a Lanthorn, seeking for a man, and seeming unsatisfied in the choice she had of men for that place. Mr. Bacon answered her, that he had heard, that in old time there was usually painted on the Church walls the day of Doom, and God sitting in Judgement, and St. Michael by him with a pair of Ballances, and the Soul, and the good deeds in one Ballance, and the [...]aults and evil deeds in the other, and the souls Ballance went up far too light: [Page] then was our Lady painted with a great pair of Beads, casting them into the light Ballance to make up the weight: So he said, place and authority which was in her hands to give, was like our Ladies Be [...]ds, which though men, through divers imperfections were too light before, yet when they were cast in made weight competent.

42. There was an old servant of my Lords, who would needs make a young Captain; and at last took an opportunity to shew himself an arrant coward. This Captain upon a time, was to command a party to go out to make a mock salley, but as soon as ever he came within sight of the enemy, he squatted upon his belly behind the refuse of an old Brick-kill, for which his behaviour he was laughed at sufficiently: after that he came into the Castle, some there were who told this unto the Marquess, who being willing to bring his old servant off with better credit, than he had brought off himself, told them, I thought I had heard you say, that it was a mock Salley, to which they answered, that it was so, then said the Marquess, If it was but a mock salley, he can be but a mock coward, if you had been in [Page] earnest, it may be he would not have played the fool in jest.

43. The Marquess was one day reading of us a Lecture of patience in our adversity: amongst the rest of those witty sayings, which came from him, he told us that there was nothing so bad, but was good for something; for said he, if there were no silence, there would be no Musick; for the sudden stops which are in Musick add to the grace and perfection of the Art. Ignorance is a spur to knowledge, darkness a Pavilion to the Almighty. A Cabbin or drawn chamber for us to sleep in. A Dungeon for the Judge to punish his Delinquents, and a foil for the Painter to make his shadows: so are afflictions good for our instructions, and adversities for our amendments.

44. The Marquess had a new servant to wait upon him, who had the ill luck to think himself wiser than he was thought by others, insomuch that upon an occasion, he told the Marquess, that he was not wise in such a thing, and that if he were as the Marquess, he would do so and so: the Marquess hearing of him made him this gentle reply, Truly, if I knew [Page] where to find a servant, that were wiser than his Master, I would give gold for such an one, but to have a servant that thinks himself wiser than his Master, for such an one I would not give a rush.

45. On a Discourse of vain glory, the Marquess related this story, That Archidamus King of Lacedemon, having received from Philip King of Macedon proud Letters, after the said Philip had won a victory over the Athenians, writ back to him, That if he measured his own shadow, he should find it no longer now, than it was before his victory.

46. When it was told the Marquess, that some would warrant him, that if he would, he might be Duke of Somerset, he made them this reply, When I was Earl of Worcester I was well to live, since I was a Marquess I am worse by one hundred thousand pounds, and if I should be a Duke, I should be an arrant beggar; wherefore I had rather if I might go back again to my Earld [...]m, than at this Rate keep on my pace to the Dukedom of Somerset.

47. At the beginning of the long Parliament, there were certain Rusticks who came unto Ragland Castle to search the Castle for arms, my Lord being a [Page] Papist: the Marquess met them at the Castle gate, and desired to know whether they came to take away his mony, seeing they intended to disarm him; they answered no, but what they did, was because he was a Recusant, he said he was a Peer of the Realm, and no convict Recusant, and therefore the Law could not in reason take notice of any such things, and further, some sharp and dubious words coming from the Marquess, they were at last willing to take his word, but the Marquess not willing to part with them on such easie terms, having before resolved to return them one fright for another, which he thus effected; having carried them up and down the Castle, he at length brought them over a high bridge that arched over the Moat, that was between the Castle and the great Tower, wherein the Lord Herbert had lately contrived certain water-works, which when the several Engins and Wheels were to be set a going, much quantity of water through the hollow conveyances of the aquaeducts were to be let down from the top of the high Tower, which upon the first entrance of these wonderful Asinegoes, the Marquess [Page] had given order that these catarrhacts should begin to fall, which made such a fearful and hideous noise, by reason of the hollowness of the Tower, and the neighbouring ecchoes of the Castle, and the waters that were between, and round them both, that there was such a roaring as if the mouth of Hell had been wide open, and all the Devils had been conjured up, that the poor silly men stood so amaz'd, as if they had been half dead, and yet they saw nothing: At last as the plot was laid, up comes a man staring, & running, crying out before he came at them, Lock to your selves my Masters, for the Lions are got loose: whereupon the searchers gave us such a loose, that they tumbled so over one another down the stairs, that it was thought one half of them had broken their necks, never looking behind them till they were sure they had got out of sight of the Castle.

48. There was a Colonel, who came unto the Marquess after the Castle was delivered, whom the Marquess very well received until such time, as the Colonel desired reparation of certain losses which he had sustained by [Page] his son Clamorgan, the Marquess prayed him not to call him to an account for other folks, for he had enough to do to answer for himself: whereupon the Colonel clapt his hat upon his head, and sate himself down in a chair of State, which was upon my Lords right hand, which the Marquess observing, gently said unto one of his servants, I pray reach him the footstool.

49. After much conference betwixt the Marquess, and General Fairfax, wherein many things were requested of the General by the Marquess, and being as he thought himself happy in the attainment, his Lordship was pleased to make a merry Petition to the General as he was taking his leave, viz. in the behalf of a couple of pigeons, which were wont to come to his hand, and feed out of it constantly, in whose behalf he desired the General that he would be pleased to give him his Protection for them, fearing the little command that he should have over his Soldiers in that behalf. To which the General said, I am glad to see your Lordship so merry. Oh said the Marquess, you have given me no other cause, and as [Page] hasty as you are, you shall not go until I have told you a story.

There were two men going up Holborn in a Cart to be hanged, one of them being very merry and jocond, gave offence unto the other, who was as sad and dejected, insomuch as that the downcast man said unto the other, I wonder brother that you can be so frolick, considering the business that we are going about. Tush, answered the other, thou art a fool, thou wentest a thieving, and never thought what would become of thee, wherefore being on a sudden surprized thou fallest into such a shaking fit, that I am ashamed to see thee in that condition, whereas I was resolved to be hanged before ever I fell to stealing; which is the reason, nothing happening strange, or unexpected, I go so composed unto my death: so said the Marquess, I resolved to undergo whatsoever, even the worst of evils that you were able to lay upon me, before ever I took up arms for my Soveraign, and therefore wonder not that I am so merry.

50. There was a Romane Catholick, who had been converted unto the Protestant Religion, and giving the Marquess of Worcester a visit, the Marquess [Page] questioned him very seriously concerning his revolt, and the ground of his disertion; the Convert told him, that the ground of his departure from the Church of Rome, was because she had departed from her self. You say very well said the Marques, but how do you prove that? to which demand the convert made this reply, viz. the Scriptures tell me so: whereupon the Marquess called for a Bible, giving command it should be a Bible cum privilegio Regis, which being brought unto him, he said unto the Gentleman, I will see whether it wil tell me any such thing, and holding it in his hands a pretty while, at last he opened the Bible, and held it open as long, then he protested unto the afresaid Gentleman, that the Bible told him no such matter, and that he believed it to be so ful of truth, & sincerity, and that it respected the salvation of mens souls so much, that if there were any such thing, it would in charity (with which it was so fully fraught) do no less than acquaint him also with it. To which the Gentleman replied: My Lord, it is not the letter, cover or paper that tells me so, it is the sense & meaning. I cry you mercy said the Marquess, who shall be judge of the meaning, [Page] you or I? to whom the Gentleman gave his Lordship this answer, who comes nearest the truth. Then said the Marquess, how should we know who comes nearest the truth? we shall know that said the Gentleman by the word it self. I have told you said the Marquess, that the word it self sayes nothing: then said the Gentleman, there is a perswasive spirit that directs every man & leads them into all truth who are seekers of her meerly for love of her self. Indeed said the Marquess, I have heard of such a Sect that is newly sprung up, who go under the name of Seekers, but I had rather be on the finders side. To which the Gentleman made answer. Seek & ye shall find. To which my L. replied, you must have day-light, or candle-light, or else your eys will do you no good: the Gentleman made answer, that Christ was so easie to be found of all that sought him, that if we did but grope after him, we should find him. I said the Marquess, you say wel, but not when there is a light in the room; & thereupon the Marquess entred upon a large discourse, perswading the gentleman to return to his mother again, whose arms were always open ready to embrace all that should return into her bosom, to whom the gentleman said [Page] if I should turn now I should be despised on all sides. Oh, said the Marquess, if that be all, then all is nothing, for what can any man say more to you, than this, you have been abroad, and you are come home again?

51. The time being come, that the Prophecy of Henry of Windsor must now fit the fatal destiny of Henry of Ragland, like a thunder-bolt, that splits downwards from the higher to the lower branch of the same tree, viz. that he should live long, and lose all that Garison, had the honour to make good the rear hope for a time, when the main body of the whole Kingdom was quite forlorn; and in her last fortunate and successfully sally, like a dying Taper to make one great blaze before she went out, in which exploit some of her Gentlemen were so gallant, as to bring home Trophies of her victories, Colours, which were no sooner dishevelled, but they spread to gather with themselves the praises of these takers, these being presented to the Marquess, he turned away his face, saying, These are no natural colours, they are but borrowed, intimating how unnatural the war was, and how soon these Colours must be restored.

[Page] 52. When it was told his Lordship not long before he dyed, that leave was obtained by the Parliament, that he might be buried in Windsor Castle, within the great Chappel, and wherein divers of his Ancestors lie buried, with some sprightliness he spake aloud, God bless us all, why then I shall take a better Castle when I am dead, then they took from me whilst I was alive.

53. The Marquess a little before he dyed, having addressed himself to the House of Peers, and having found very hard usage from them, broke forth into these expressions. Oh said he, When the Noblest and highest element, Courts the noise of their Waves, the [...]ruest Emblem of the madness of the people, and when the highest Region stoops unto the lower, and the lowest gets up into the highest seat, What can be expected but a Chaos of confusion and desolation of the universe? I do believe, that they are so near unto their end, that as weak as I am, there is Physick to be had, if a man could find it to prolong my days, that I might outlive their honours. Not many hours before he died, reflecting [Page] upon the Articles that he had waived upon the Surrender of Ragland into the Parliaments hands, Ah Doctor said he, to Doctor Baily, If I had made use of the Articles, which you had procured in my behalf, I had not been now so near unto the end of my life, and the beginning of my happiness, I forsook life, liberty & estate which I might have had, and threw my self upon their mercy, which when I had done, if to seise upon all my goods, to pull down my house, to sell my estate, and to send for up such a weak body, as mine was, so enseebled by diseases in the dead of winter, and the Winter of mine age, be merciful, What are they whose mercies are so cruel? Neither do I expect that they should stop at all this, for I fear they will persecute me after death: you tell me, that when I am dead, you will petition the Parliament for money to bury me, then will they appoint those who will dispose of the time and manner of my burial; and you shall see, that they (being it is so near the good time) will cause me to be buried according to the directory in spight of Christmas day upon Christmas: and so they did.

APOPHTHEGMS OF THE LORD BACON

[Page]

HEnry the fourth of France his Queen was great with Child, Count Soisons that had his expectations upon the Crown, when it was twice or thrice thought, that the Queen was with Child before, said to some of his friends, that it was but a pillow, this had some waies come to the Kings ears, who kept it till when the Queen waxed great, and then called the Count of Soisons to him, and said, laying his hands upon the Queens belly, Come Cousin, it is no pillow: Yes Sir, answered the Count Soisons, it is a pillow for all France [...]o sleep upon.

[Page] 2. Pace the bitter fool, was not suffered to come at the Queen, because [...] his bitter humour, yet at one time some pressed the Queen, that he should come to her, undertaking for him, th [...] he should keep compass, so he wa [...] brought to her, and the Queen said Come on Pace, now we shall hear [...] our faults, saith Pace, I do not use talk of that, that all the Town talks of.

3. My Lord of Essex at the Ste [...] of Rhoan made twenty four Knights, wh [...]ch at that time was a great matter; divers of those Gentlemen were of wer [...] and small means, which when Queen Elizabeth heard, she said, My Lord mi [...] have done well to have built his Alms here before he made his Knights.

4. A great Officer in France was [...] danger to have lost h [...]s place, but h [...] Wife by her [...]it and means making made his peace, whereupon a pleasa [...] fellow said, that he had been crusht, [...] that he saved himself upon his h [...]rns.

5. Caesar Borgia after long devisi [...] between him and the Lords of Romagn [...] sell to accord with them, in this accor [...] there was an article that he should no [...] at any time call them all together [...] person, the meaning was, that knowing [Page] his dangerous nature, if he meant them treason, some one might be free to revenge the rest, nevertheless he did with such art and fair usage win their confidence, that he brought them all together to Councel, where he murt [...]ered them all, this act when it was related unto Pope Alexander, Caesar Borgias father by a Cardinal, as a thing happy, but very perfidious, the Pope said, It was they that had broke their Covenant first in coming all together.

6. Pope Julius the third, when he was made Pope, gave his hat unto a youth, a favourite of his, with great scandal, whereupon at one time a Cardinal that might be free with him, said modestly to him, What did your holiness see in that young man to make him Cardinal? Julius answered, What did you see in me to make me Pope?

7. The same Julius upon like occasion of speech, why he should bear so great affect on to the same young man, would say, That he found by Astrology, that it was the youths destiny to be a great Prelate, which was impossible, except himself were Pope, and therefore that he did rai [...]e him, as [...] dr [...]er [...]n of his own f [...]rtune.

[Page] 8. Clodius was acquit by a corrupt Jury, that had palpably taken shares of money, before they gave up their verdict, they prayed of the Senate a guard, that they might do their consciences freely, for Clodius was a very seditious young Noble man, whereupon all the World gave him for condemned, but acquitted he was. Catulus the next day, seeing some of them that had acquitted him together, said to them, What made you to ask of us a guard? were you afraid your mony should have been taken from you?

9. Diogenes having seen that the Kingdom of Macedon, which before was contemptible, and low, began to come alost, when he died, was asked how he would be buried, he answered, With my face downward; for within a while the world will be turned upside down, and then I shall lie right.

10. Sir Nicolas Bacon, being appointed a Judge for the Northern Circuit, and having brought his Trials that came before him to such a passe, as the passing of Sentence on Malefactors, he was by one of the Malesactors mightily importuned for to save his life, which [Page] when nothing that he had said did avail, he at length desired his mercy on the account of kindred: Prethee said my Lord Judge, how came that in? Why, if it please you my Lord, your name is Bacon, and mine is Hog, and in all ages Hog and Bacon have been so near kindred that they are not to be separated. I but replied Judge Bacon, you and I cannot be kindred, except you be hanged; for Hog is not Bacon until it be well hanged.

11. Two Scholars and a Countrey man travelling upon the Road, one night lodged all in one Inn, and supt together, where the Scholars thought to have put a trick upon the Countrey man which was thus; the Scholars appointed for supper two Pigeons and a fat Capon, which being ready, was brought up, and they having sate down, the one Scholar took up one Pigeon, the other Scholar took the other Pigeon, thinking thereby that the Countrey man should have sate still until that they were ready for the carving of the Capon, which he perceiving, took the Capon, and laid it on his trencher, and thus said, Daintily contrived, every one a bird.

[Page] 12. Themistocles in his lower fortune was in love with a young Gentleman, which scorned him; when he grew to his greatness, which was soon after, the young Gentleman sought to him, but Themistocles said, We are both grown but wise too late.

13. Jack Roberts was desired by his Taylour, when the reckoning grew somewhat high, to have a Bill of his hand. Roberts said, I am content, but you must let no man know it; when the Taylour brought him the Bill, he tore it as in choler, and said to him, You use me not well, you promised me that no man should know it, and here you have put in: Be it known unto all men by these Presents.

14. Sir Walter Raleigh was wont to say of the Ladies of Queen Elizabeths Privy Chamber, and Bed Ch [...]mber, That they were like Wi [...]es, they could do hurt, but they could do no good.

15. Bim that was an Athlest, was shewed in a Port City, in a Temple of Neptune, many Tables or Pictures, of such as had in Tempests made their vows unto Neptune, and were saved from shipwrack, and was asked, How [Page] say you now; Do you not acknowledge the power of the Gods? she said [...]o, but where are they painted, that have been drowned after their vows?

16. Bias was sailing; and there fell out a great Tempest, and the Marriners, that were wicked and dissolute fellows called upon their Gods, but Bias said unto them, Peace, let them not know ye are here.

17. There was a Minister deprived for inconformity, who said, to some of his friends, that if they deprived him, it should cost an hundred mens lives, the party understood it, as if being a turbulent fellow, he would have moved sedition, and complained of him, whereupon being convented and opposed upon that speech, he said his meaning was, That if he lost his benefice, he would practise Physick, and then he thought he should kill an hundred men in time.

18. Michael Angle, the famous Painter painting in the Popes Chappel, the Portraiture of Hell and damned souls, made one of the damned souls so like a Cardinal that was his enemy, as every body at first sight knew it, whereupon the Cardinal complained to Pope Clement [Page] desiring it might be defaced, who said unto him, Why, you know very well, I have power to deliver a soul out of Purgatory, but not out of Hell.

19. Alcibiades came to Pericles, and stayed a while ere he was admitted, when he came in, Pericles civilly excused it, and said, I was studying how to give my account, but Alcibiades said to him, If you will be ruled by me, study rather how to give no account.

20. Cicero was at dinner, where there was an ancient Lady that spake of her years, and said she was but forty years old, one that sate by Cicero, rounded him in the ear, and said she talks of forty years, and she is far more out of question: Cicero answered him again, I must believe her, for I have heard her say so, any time these ten years.

21. There was a Souldier, that vanted before Julius Cesar, of hurts he had received in his face: Julius Cesar knowing him to be a Coward, told him, You were left take heed next time you run away, how you look back.

22. Secretary Bourns son kept a Gentlemans wife in Shropshire, who lived from her husband with him, when he [Page] was weary of her he caused her husband to be dealt with to take her home, and offered him five hundred pounds for reparation: The Gentleman went to Sir Henry Sidney, to take his advice upon this offer, telling him, that his Wife promised now a new life; & to tell him truth, five hundred pounds would come well with him; and besides that sometimes he wanted a woman in his bed. By my Troth, said Sir Henry Sidney, take her home, and take the mony, then whereas other Cukolds wear their horns plain, you may near yours guilt.

23. When Rablais, the great jester of France, lay on his death bed, and they gave him the extream unction, a familiar friend of his came to him afterwards, and asked him how he did, Rablais answered, Even going my journey, they have greased my boots already.

24. When Vespasian passed from Jury to take upon him the Empire, he went by Alexandria, where remained two famous Philosophers, Apollonius, and Euphrates; the Emperour heard them discoursing touching matters of State, in the presence of many, and when he was weary of them, he brake off in a [Page] secret der [...]sion, finding their discourses, but speculative, and not to be put in practice, said, O that I might govern wise men, and wise men govern me.

25. Mr. Bromley Sollicitor, giving in evidence for a deed, which was impeached to be fraudulent, was arged by the Councel on the other side with this presumption, that in two former s [...]its when Title was made, that deed was passed over in silence, and some other conveyance stood upon: Mr. Justice C [...]iline taking in with that side, asked the Sollicitor, I pray thee Mr. Sollicitor, let me ask you a familiar question, I have two geldings in my Stable; I have divers times business of importance, & still I send forth one of my Geldings and not the other, would you not think I set him aside for a Jade? No my Lord, said Bromley, I would think you spared him for your own Saddle.

26. Alphonso Cartillo was informed by his Steward of the greatness of his expence being such as he could not hold out with, the Bishop asked him, wherein it chiefly rose, his Steward told him in the multitude of his Servants; the Bishop bid him make a note of those that were necessary, and those that [Page] might be put off, which he did, and the B [...]shop taking occasion to read it before most of his Servants, said to his Steward, Well, let these remain, because I need them, and these other, because they need me.

27. Queen Elizabeth was wont to say other instructions to get officers, That they were like to garments, strait at the first putting on, but did by and by near hose enough.

28. Thales as he looked upon the stars, fell into the water, whereupon it was after said, That if he had looked into the water he might have seen the stars, but looking up to the Stars, he could not, see the water.

29. The Book of deposing Richard the second, and the coming in of Henry the fourth, supposed to be written by Doctor Heywood, who was committed to the Tower for it, had much incensed Queen Elizabeth, and she asked Master Bacon, being then of her learned Councel, whether there were no Treason contained in it, Master Bacon intending to do him a pleasure, and to take off the Queens bitterness with a jest, answered, No Madam, for Treason I cannot deliver opinion, that there is any, [Page] but very much felony: the Queen apprehending it gladly, asked how and wherein? Master Bacon answered, Because he had stollen many of his Sentences and conceits out of Cornelius Tacitus.

30. A man and his wife in bed together, she towards morning pretended her self to be ill at ease, desiring to lie on her husbands side, so the good man to please her came over her, making some short stay in his passage over, where she had not long lain, but desired to lie in her old place again, quoth he how can it be effected, she answered, come over me again, I had rather, said he go a mile and a half about.

31. A Thief being arraigned at the Bar, for stealing of a Mare, in his pleading urged many things in his own behalf, and at last nothing availing, he told the Bench, the Mare rather stole him, than he the Mare, which in brief he thus related, that passing over several grounds about his lawful occasions, he was pursued close by a fierce Mastive dog, & so was forced to save himself by leaping over a hedge, which being of an ag [...]l body he effected, and in leaping, a Mare standing on the other side of the [Page] hedge, leaped upon her back, who running furiously away with him he could not by any means stop her until he came to the next Town, in which Town the owner of the Mare lived, and there was he taken and here arraigned.

32. Popham when he was Speaker, and the lower house had sate long, and done in effect nothing, coming one day to Queen Elizabeth, she said unto him, Now Mr Speaker, what hath passed in the lower House, he answered, If it please your Majesty seven weeks.

33. Pope Xystus the fifth, who was a poor mans Son, and his Fathers house ill thatcht, so that the Sun came in, in many places, would sport with his ignobility, and say, he was Son of an illustrious house.

34. When the King of Spain conquered Portugal, he gave a special charge to the Lieutenant, that the Souldiers should not spoil, lest he should alienate the hearts of the people. The Army also suffered much scarcity of victual, whereupon the Spanish Souldiers would afterwards say, That they had won the King a Kingdom, as the Kingdom of heaven useth to be won, by fasting and [Page] abstaining from that that is another mans.

35. Master Savill was asked his opinion touching Poets, who answered, He thought them the best Writers next to those that write Prose.

36. Master Mason of Trinity Colledge, sent his Pupil to another of the Fellows to borrow a Book of him, who told him I am loath to lend my Books out of my Chamber, but if it please thy Tutor [...]o come and read upon it in my Chamber, he shal as long as he will. It was winter, and some daies after the same Fellow sent to Mr. Mason to borrow h [...]s Bellows, but Master Mason, said to his Pupil, I am loath to lend my Bellows out of my Chamber, but if thy Tutor would come and blow the Fire in my Chamber, he shall as long as he will.

37. Nero did cut a youth, as if he would have transformed him into a woman, and called him Wife: there was a Senator of Rome, that said secretly to his friend, It was pity Nero's father had not had such a Wife.

38. A notorious Rogue being brought to the Bar, and knowing his case to be desperate, instead of pleading he took to himself the liberty of jesting [Page] and thus said, I charge you in the King [...] name, to seise and take away that man (meaning the Judge) in the red Gowns for I go in danger of my life because of him.

39. Galba succeeded Nero, and his age being much despised, there was much licence and confusion in Rome, whereupon a Senator said in full Senate, It were letter live where nothing is lawful, than where all things are lawful.

40. In Flanders by accident, a Flemish Tiler fell from the top of a house upon a Spaniard, and killed him, though he escaped himself, the next of the blood prosecuted his death with great violence, and when he was offered pecuniary recompence, nothing would serve him, but Lex talionis, whereupon the Judge said to him, That if he did urge that sentence it must be, that he should go up t [...] the top of the house, and then fall down upon the Tiler.

41. Queen Elizabeth was delatory enough in suits of her own nature, and the Lord Treasurer Burleigh to feed her humour, would say to her, Madam, You do well to let Suitors stay (for I shall tell you) if you grant them speedily, they will c [...]e again the sooner.

[Page] 42. They feign a Tale of Sextus Quintus, that after his death he went to Hell, and the Porter of Hell said to him, you have some reason to offer your self to this place, but yet I have order not to receive you, you have a place of your own, Purgatory, you may go thither: so he went away, and sought Purgatory a great while, and could find no such place. Upon that he took heart and went to Heaven, and knocked, and Saint Peter asked who was there? he said Sextus Pope, whereunto St. Peter said, why do you knock? you have the keys, Sextus answered, It is true, but it is so long since they were given, as I doubt the wards of the lock be altered.

43. A rough hewn Seaman being brought before a wise J [...]st ass, for some misdemeanour, was by him sent away to prison, and being somewhat refractory after he heard his doom, insomuch as he would not stir a foot from the place he stood, saying, it were better to stand where he was, than go to a worse place. The Justice thereupon to shew the strength of his learning, took him by the shoulder, and said, Thou shalt go Nogus vogus, instead of Nolens volens.

[Page] 44. Charles King of Swedon, a great enemy of the Jesuits, when he took any of their Colledges, he would hang the old Jesuites, and put the young to his Mines, saying, That since they wrought so hard above ground, he would try how they could work under ground.

45. In Chancery, one time, when the Councel of the parties set forth the boundary of the Land in question, by the plot, and the Councel of one part said, we lie on this side my Lord, and the Councel of the other part said, we lie on this side. The Lord Chancellour Hatton stood up and said. If you lie on both sides, whom will you have [...]e to believe?

46. Sir Amice Pawlet when he saw too much hast made in any matter, was wont to say, Stay a while that we may make an end the sooner.

47. The Deputies of the Reformed Religion, after the Massacre which was upon St. Bartholomews day, treated with the King and Queen-mother, and some other of the Councel, for a peace, both sides were agreed upon the Articles, the question was upon the security of performance, after some particulars [Page] propounded and rejected, the Queen Mother said, Why, is not the word of a King sufficient security? One of the Deputies answered, No by Saint Bartholomew, Mad [...]m.

48. When the Archduke did raise his siege from Grave the then Secretary came to Queen Elizabeth, and the Queen having intelligence first, said to the Secretary, Wot you what, the Archduke is risen from the grave! he answered, What without the Trumpet of the Archangel? the Queen replied, yes without sound of Trumpet.

49. Francis the first of France, used for his pleasure sometimes to go disguised: so walking one day in the company of the Cardinal of Burbon, near Paris, he met with a peasant with a new pair of shoes upon his arm; so he called him unto him, and said, By our Lady, these be good shoes, What did [...]ey cost thee? the Peasant said g [...]esse, the King said, I think some five fols, saith the Peasant you have lied but a Carlois, What villa [...]n said the Cardinal of Burbon, thou art dead, it is the King, the Peasant replyed, The Devil take him of you and me that knew so much.

[Page] 50. Dionysius the tyrant after he was deposed and brought to Corinth, kept a School, many used to visit him, and amongst others, one when he came in opened h [...]s Mantle, and shook his cloaths, thinking to give Dionysius a gentle scorn, because it was the manner to do so for them that came in to him whilst he was Tyrant, but Dionysius said, I pray thee do so rather when thou goest out, that we may see thou stealest nothing away.

51. Hanniball said of Fab [...]us Maximus, and of Marcellus, whereof the former waited upon him, that he could make no progress in his victories, and the latter had many sharp fights with him, That he feared Fab [...]us like a Tutour, and Marcellus like an enemy.

52. One was saying that his great Grandfather, and Grandfather, and Father died at Sea, said another that heard him, and I were as you, I would never come at Sea, Why saith he, where did your great Grandfather, Grandfather, and Father die? He answered where, but in their beds? saith the other, And I were as you, I would never come to bed.

[Page] 53. Aristippus was earnest suitor to Dionysius for somewhat, who would give no ear to his suit, Aristippus fell at his feet, then Dionysius granted it, one that stood by said afterwards to Aristippus, you a Philosopher, and to be so base as to cast your self at the Tyrants feet, to get a suit, Aristippus answered, The fault is not mine, but the fault is in Dionysius, that carries his ears in his feet.

54. There was a young man in Rome, that was very like Augustus Cesar, Augustus took knowledge of him, and sent for the man, and asked him, Was your Mother never at Rome? he answered, No Sir, but my Father was.

55. A Physitian advised his Patient that had sore eyes, that he should abstain from Wine, but the Patient said, I think rather Sir, from wine and water, for I have often marked it in blew eyes, and I have seen water come forth, but never Wine.

56. Solon when he wept for his sons death, one said to him, Weeping will not help, answered, Alas, therefore I weep, because weeping will not help.

57. Solon being asked, whether he had given the Athenians the best Laws, answered, [Page] yea, the best of those they would have received.

58. One said to Aristippus, It is a strange thing, Why should men rather give to the poor than to Philosophers? he answered, Because they think themselves may sooner come to be poor than to be Philosophers.

59. It fell out so, that as Livia went abroad in Rome, there met her naked young men that were sporting in the streets, which Augustus was about to punish severely in them, but Livia spake for them, and said, It was no more to chast women than so many Statues.

60. A debaucht Seaman being brought before a Justice of Peace upon the account of swearing, was by the Justice commanded to deposit his Fine in that behalf provided, which was two shillings, he thereupon plucking out of his pocket a half-crown, asked the Justice what was the rate he was to pay for cursing, the Justice told him six pence, quoth he then, A Pox take you all for a company of knaves and fools, & there's half a crown for you, I wil never stand changing of mony

61. Augustus Cesar was invited to [Page] supper, by one of his old friends, that had conversed with him in his lesse fortunes, and had but ordinary entertainment, whereupon at his going away he said, I did not know that you and I were so familiar.

62. Augustus Caesar would say, That he wondred that Alexander feared he should want work, having no more to conquer, as if it were not as hard a matter to keep, as to conquer.

63. Antigonus when it was told him, that the enemies had such vollies of arrows, that they did hide the Sun, said, That falls out well, for it is hot weather, and we shall fight in the shade.

64. Augustus Caesar did write to Livia, who was over sensible of some ill words that had been spoken of them both, Let it not trouble you my Livia, if any man speak evil of us, for we have enough, that no man can do ill unto us.

65. Agathocles after he had taken Syracusa, the men whereof during the siege had in a bravery spoken of him all the villany, that might be, sold the Syracusians for slaves, and said, Now if you use such words of me, I will tell your Masters of you.

[Page] 66. Dionysius the elder, when he saw his son in many things very inordinate, said to him, Did you ever know me do such things,? his son answered, No, but you had not a Tyrant to your Father; the father replied, no nor you if you take these courses, will have a Tyrant to your S [...]n.

67. Calisthenes the Philosopher, that followed Alexanders Court, and hated the King, was asked by one, how one should be [...]me the famousest m [...]n in the world, answered, by taking away him that is.

68. Sir Edward Coke was wont to say when a great man came to Dinner to him, and gave him no knowledge of his coming, Well, since you sent me no w [...]rd of your coming, you shall dine with me, but if I had known of your coming, I would have dined with you.

69. Diogines begging, as divers Philosophers then used, did beg more of a prodigal man, than of the rest that were present, whereupon one said to him, See your business, that when you see a liberal mind, you will take most of him, said Diogines, but I mean to beg of the rest again.

70. Sir Nicolas Bacon being Keeper of [Page] the Seal, when Queen Elizabeth in Progress came to his house at Redgrave, and said to him, My Lord, what a little house have you gotten? said, Madam, my house is well, but it is you that have made me too great for my house.

71. Agesilaus, when one told him there was one did excellently counterfeit a Nightingale, and would have had him heard him, said, Why, I have heard the Nightingale her self.

72. A great Nobleman upon the complaint of a servant of his, laid a Citizen by the heels, thinking to bend him to his servants desire, but the fellow being stubborn the servant came to his Lord, and told him, your Lordship I know hath gone as far, as well you may, but it works not; for yonderfellow is more perverse than before. Said my Lord, Lets forget him a while, and then he will remember himself.

73. One came to a Cardinal in Rome, and told him that he had brought his Lordship a dainty white Palfrie, but he fell lame by the way, saith the Cardinal to him, [...]e tell thee what thou shalt do, go to such a Cardinal, and such a Cardinal, naming him half a dozen Cardinals, [Page] and tell them as much, and so whereas by thy horse if he had been sound, thou couldst have pleased but one, with thy lame horse thou maist please half a dozen.

74. A witty Rogue coming into a lace-shop, said he had occasion for some lace, choice where of being shewed him, he at last pitched upon one pattern, and asked them how much they would have for so much as would reach from ear to ear, for so much he [...]ad occasion for, they told him for so much: so some few words passing between them, he at last agreed, and told down his mony for it, and began to measure on his own head, thus sa [...]ng, One ear is here, and the other is nailed to the Pillory in Bristoll, and I fear you have not so much of this Lace by you at present as will [...]erfect my bargain; therefore this piece of Lace shall suffice at present in part of payment, & provide the rest with all expedition.

75. Iphicrates the Athenian, in a Treaty that he had with the Lacedemoni [...]ns for peace, in which question, was about security for observing the same, said, The Athenians would not accept of a [...]y security, except the Lacedemonians did yield up unto them those things, whereby it [Page] might be manifest, that they could not h [...] them if they would.

76. Euripedes would say of persons that were beautiful, and yet in some years, In fairest bodies not only the spring is pleasant, but also the Autumn.

77. After a great fright there came to the Camp of Consalvo the great Captain, a gentleman proudly hors'd and arm'd, Diego de Mendiza asked the great Captain, Who's this? who answered, It is St. Hermes, that never appears but after a stor [...]

78. There was a Captain sent to a [...] exploit by his General, with forces tha [...] were not likely to atchieve the enterprize, the Captain said to him, Sir, appoint but half so many, why saith the General? the Captain answered, Because it is better fewer dye than more.

79. They would say of the Duke o [...] Guise, Henry that had sold and mortgaged all his Patrimony to suffice th [...] great gifts that he had made, That [...] was the greatest Usurer of France, becaus [...] all his estate was in Obligations.

80. There was a Harbenger who ha [...] lodged a Gentleman in a very ill room who expostulated with him somewhat rudely, but the Harbenger carles [...] said, You will take pleasure in it when yo [...] are out of it.

[Page] 82. There was one that died greatly in Debt, when it was reported in some company, where divers of his Cretors were, that he was dead, one began to say in good saith, then he hath carried five hundred ducates of mine with him into the other world; and another of them said, and two hundred of mine; and some others spake of several sums of theirs: whereupon one that was amongst them said, Well, I see now, that though a man cannot carry any of his own with him, into the other world, yet he may carry other mens.

83. Francis Carvaniel, that was the great Captain of the Rebels of Peru, had often given the chase to Diego Centeno, a principal Commander of the Emperors party, he was afterwards taken by the Emperors Lieutenant J [...]soa, and committed to the custody of Diego Centeno, who used him with all possible courtesie, insomuch as Carvaniel asked him, I pray Sir, who are you that use me with this Courtesie? Centeno said, do you not know Diego Centeno, Carvaniel [...]nswered, in good saith, Sir, I have been so used to see your back, as I knew not your face. Carvaniel, when he was drawn to execution, being fourscore and five [Page] years old, and laid upon the hurdle, said, What young in Cradle, old in Cradle?

84. There is a Spanish Adage, Love without end hath no end, meaning, that if it were begun not upon particular ends it would last.

85. Cato the elder, being aged, buried his wife, and married a young woman, his Son came to him and said, Sir, what have I offended you, that you have brought a step-mother into your house? the old man answered Nay, quite contrary Son, thou pleasest me so well, that I would be glad to have more such.

86. Philip, Alexanders Father, gave Sentence against a Prisoner, at which time he was drowsy, and seemed to give small attention, the Prisoner after sentence was pronounced, said, I appeal: the King somewhat scared, said, to whom do you appeal? the Prisoner answered, from Philip when he gave no ear, to Philip when he shall give ear.

87. The same Philip maintained an Argument with a Musician in points of his Art somewhat peremptorily, but the Musician said to him, God forbid Sir, your fortune were so hard, that you should know these things better than I.

[Page] 88. There was a Philosopher that disputed with Adrian the Emperor, and did it but weakly, one of his friends that had been by, afterwards said, Methinks you were not like your self last day in argument with the Emperor, I could have answered better my self, Why? said the Philosopher, Would you have me contend with him that commands thirty Legions?

A woman being suspected by her husband for dishonesty, and being by him at last prest very hard about it, made him quick answer with many protestations, That she knew no more of what he said, than the man in the Moon: Now the Captain of the ship called the Moon was the very man she so much loved.

89. Diogenes was asked in a kind of scorn, what was the matter that Philosophers haunted rich men, and not rich men Philosophers, he answered, Because the one knew what they wanted, the other did not.

90. Demetrius King of Macedon, would at times retire himself from business, and give himself wholly to pleasures, one day of those his retirings, giving out that he was sick, his Father Antigonus came on the sudden to visit him, and [Page] met a fair dainty youth coming out of his chamber, when Antigonus came in, Demetrius said, the Feaver left me right now. Antigonus replied, I thinkit was he that I met at the door.

91. There was a Merchant far in debt that died, his goods and houshold stuffe was set forth to sale, there was one that bought only his pillow, and said, This Pillow sure is good to sleep upon, since he could sleep that owed so many debts.

92. A Gentleman brought M [...]sick to his Ladies Window, who hated him, and had warned him ost away, and when he persisted, she threw stones at him, whereupon a friend of his that was in his company said to him, What greater hon [...]ur can you have to y [...]ur Musick, than that stones come about you, as they did to Orpheus?

93. When it was said to [...], The Athenians have condemned you to die, he said again, and Nature them.

94. Dem [...]sthenes when he fled from the battel, and that it was reproached to him, said, That he that flies might fight again.

95. Antanaclidas, when an Athenian said to him, the Spartans are unlearned, [Page] said again, True, for we have learned no evil, nor vice of you.

96. Alexander when his father w [...]shed him to run for the price of the race at the Olympian games, for he was very swift, said, he would, if he might run with Kings.

97. When Alexander passed into Asia, he gave large donatives to his Captains and other principal men of vertue, insomuch as Parmenio asked him, Sir what do you keep for your self? he answered, hope.

98. Antigonus used oft to go disguised, and listen at the Tents of his Souldiers, and at a time heard some that spoke very ill of him, whereupon he opened the Tent a little, and said to them, If you will speak evil of me, you should [...]o a little further off.

99. Vespasian set a Tribute upon Urine, Tit [...]s his Son emboldened himself to speak to his Father of it, and represented it as a thing [...]ndign, and fordid, Vespasian said nothing for the time, but a while after, when it was forgotten, sent for a piece of silver out of the Tribute mony, and called to his Son, bidding him smoll to lie, and asked him whether he found any offence, who said no: Why [Page] lo said Vespasian again, and yet this comes out of Urine.

100. Nerva the Emperor succeeded Domitian, who was tyrannical, so as in his time many noble houses were overthrown by false accusations, the instruments whereof were chiefly Marcellus, and Regulus the Emperor; he one night sl [...]pp'd privately with some six or seven, amongst which there was one that was a dangerous man, and began to take the like courses, as Marcellus and Regulus had done; the Emperor fell into discourse of the injustice and tyranny of the former time, and by name of the two accusers, and said, What should we do with them if we had them na [...]? one of them that was at supper, and a free spoken Senatour said, Marry they should sup with us.

101. There was one that found a great mass of mony buried under ground in his Grandfathers house, and being somwhat doubtful of the case, signified to the Emperor, that he had found such a treasure; the Emperor made a receipt thus, use it, he writ back again, that the sum was greater than his estate, or condition could use, the Emperor writ a new receipt thus; Abuse it.

[Page] 102. A Spaniard was censuring to a French Gentleman the want of devotion amongst the French, in that, whereas in Spain, when the Sacrament goes to the sick, any that meets with it turns back, and waits upon it to the house where it goes, but in France they only do reverence, and pass by, but the French Gentleman answered him, There is reason for it, for here with us. Christ is secure amongst his friends, but in Spain, there be so many Jews and Marannos, that it is not amisse for him to have a convoy.

103. Coranus the Spaniard, at a Table at dinner, sell into an extolling of his own Father, and said, if he should have wished of God, he could not have chosen amongst men a better Father, Sir Henry Savil said, What not Abraham? Now Coranus was doubted to descend of a race of Jews.

104. Gonsalvo would say, The honour of a Souldier ought to be of a strong web, meaning that it should not be so fine and curious that every little disgrace should catch and stick in it.

105. One of the seven wise men were wont to say, That laws were like cobwebs, [Page] where the small flies were caught, and the great brake through.

108. An apprentice of London being brought before the Chamberlain by his Master for the sin of incontinency, even with his own Mistress: the Chamberlain thereupon gave him many Christian Exhortations, and at last he mentioned and prest the chastity of Joseph when his Mistress tempted him, with the like crime of incontinency. I Sir, said the Apprentice, but if Josephs Mistress had been as handsom as mine is, he could [...] have forborn.

109. Plato the Divine Philosopher, was wont to say, That the Devil was a Painter to many whore masters, in their leaving afair wife for a soul whore.

110. Bias gave in precept, love as if you should hereafter hate, and hate as if you should hereafter love.

111. Aristippus being reprehended of Luxury, by one that was not rich, for that he gave six Crowns for a small fish, answered, Why, what would you have given? the other said some twelve pence, Aristippus said again, and six Crowns is no more with me.

112. Julius Cesar, as he posted by was by acclamation of some tha [...] [...] [...] orned [Page] called King, to try how the people would take it; the people shewed great m [...]mute, and d [...]stast at it: Cesar finding where the wind stood, fleighted [...]it; and said, I am not King but Cesar, as of they had mistook his name, for Rex was a sirname amongst the Romans, as King is with us.

113. When Crosus for his glory shewed Solon great. Treasure of Gold, Solon said to him, If another come that hath better Iron than you, he will be master of all this gold.

114. There was a Gentleman that came to the T [...]lt all in Orange Tawny, and [...]air very ill, the next day he came all in green, and ran worse, there was one of the lookers on askt another, what's the reason that this Gentleman changeth his colours, the other answered, Sure, because it may be reported, that the Gentleman in the green, ran worse than the Gentleman in the Orange tawny.

115. Aristippus said, That those that studied particular sciences, and neglected Philosophy, were like Penelope's Wooers, that made love to the waiting women.

116. Plato reproved secretly a young [Page] man for entring into a desolate liouse, the young man said to him, what for so small a mater? Plato replied, But Custome is no small matter.

117. Pyrrhus when his friends congratulated to him his victory over the Romans under the conduct of Fabri [...]lus, but with great slaughter on his own side, said to them again, yes, but if we have such another victory we are undone.

118. Cineas was an excellent Oratour and States-man, and principal Friend and Councellour to Pyrrhus, and falling in inward talk with him; and discerning the Kings endless ambition, Pyrrhus opened himself unto him, that he intended first a war upon Italy, and hoped to atchieve it, Cineas asked him, Sir, What will you do then? then saith he, we will attempt Sicily, Cineas said, well Sir, What then? said Pyrrhus, if the gods favour us, we may conquer Africk and Carthage, What then Sir, saith Cineas? nay then saith Pyrrhus we may take our rest, and Sacrifice and feast every day, and make merry with our friends, Alas Sir, said Cineas, may we not do so now without all this ado?

119. The Embassadours of Afiaminor [Page] came to Antonius, after he had imposed upon them a double Tax, and said plainly to him, That if he would have two Tributes in one year, he must give them two seed times, and two Harvests.

120. Lamia the Curtizan had all power with Demetrius King of Macedon and by her instigations he did many unjust and cruel acts, whereupon Lysimachus said, That it was the first time that ever he knew a Where play in a Tragedy.

121. Bisquet, Jester to Francis the first King of France, did keep a Calender of Fools, wherewith he did use to make the King sport, telling him ever the reason why he put every one into his Calendar: so when Charles the fifth passed upon confidence of the noble nature of Francis, through France, for the appeasing of the Rebellion of [...]aunt, Bisquet put Charles the fifth into the Calendar, the King asking the cause, he said, because you have suffered at the hands of Charles the greatest bitterness that ever Prince did from other, and therefore I account it great folly in him that he should trust his person in your hands. Why Bisquet said the King, what wilt thou say, if thou seest him pass in as great safety, as if it were through the [Page] middest of Spain, saith Bifquet [...] Why then I will put out him, and put in you.

122. Lew [...] the eleventh of France, having much abated the greatness and power of the Poets, Nobility and Court of Parliament, would say. That he had brought the Crown out of ward.

123. When Peace was renewed with the French in England, divers of the great Counsellours were presented from the French with Jewels, the Lord Henry Howard was omitted, whereupon the King said to him, My Lord, how haps it, that you have not a Jewel as well as the rest, My Lord Henry answered again, alluding to the Fable in Aesop, I am no cock, and therefore have found no Jewel.

124. Ale [...]ander sent to Phocion a great present of money, Phocion said to the messenger, Why doth the King send to me; and to none else? the Messenger answered, because he takes you to be the only good man in Athens, Phocion replied, If he think so, pray suffer me to be good still.

125. Coso [...] Duke of Florence, was wont to say of perfidious friends, that we read, That we ought to forgive our enemies, [Page] but we do not read, that we ought to forgive our friends.

125. At a Banquet where those that were called the seven wise men of Greece, were invited by the Embassadour of a Barbarons King, the Embassadour related that there was a neighbour King mightier than his Master, pickt quarrels with him by making unpossible demands, otherwise threatning war, and now at that present had demanded of him to drink up the Sea, whereunto one of the wise men said, I would have him undertake it. Why, saith the Embassadour, how shall he come off? thus saith the wise man, Let that King first stop the Rivers that run into the Sea, which is no part of the Bargain, and then your Master will perform it.

126. At the same Banquet, the Embassador desired the seven, and some other wise then that were at the Banquet every one of them to deliver some Sentence or Parable, that he might report to his King the wisdom of Grecia, which they did, only one was silent, which the Embassador perceiving said to him; Sir let it not displease you, Why do you not say somewhat, that I may report? he answered, Re-port [Page] to your Lord, that there are of the Grecians that can hold their peace.

127. One of the Romanes said to his friend, What think you of one who was taken in the act and manner of adulterie? the other answered, Marry I think he was slow at dispatch.

128. Epaminondas, when his great friend and Colleague in war was suitor to him to pardon an offender, denied him; afterwards when a Concubine of his made the same suit, he granted it to her, which when Pelopidas seemed to take unkindly, he said, Such suits are to be granted to Whores, but not to Personages of worth.

129. The Lacedemonians had a Custome to speak very short, which being in Empire they might do at pleasure, but after their defeat at Leuctra, in an Assembly of the Grecians, they made a long invective against Epaminondas, who stood up, and said no more but this, I am glad we have taught you to speak long.

130. Fabius Maximus being resolved to draw the war in length, still waited upon Hannibals progress to curb him, and for that purpose he encamped upon the high grounds, but Terentius his [Page] Colleague fought with Hannibal, and was in great peril of overthrow, but then Fabius came down the high grounds, and got the day, whereupon Hannibal said, That he did ever think that that same cloud that hanged upon the Hills, would at one time or other give or produce a Tempest.

131. There was a Cowardly Spanish Souldier, that in a defeat the Moores gave, ran away with the foremost, afterwards when the Army generally fled, this Souldier was missing, whereupon it was said by some that he was slain, No sure, saith one, he is alive, for the Moores eat no Hares flesh.

132. Hanno the Carthaginian was sent Commissioner by the State after the second Carthaginian war to Rome, to supplicate for peace, & in the end obtained it, yet one of the sharper Senators said, you have often broken with us the Peace whereunto you have often been sworn, I pray by what Gods will you swear now? Hanno answered, By the same gods that have punished the former perjury so severely.

133. Thales being asked when a man should marry, said, Young men not yet, old men not all.

[Page] 134. A Company of Scholars going together to catch Conies, carried one Scholar with them, which had not much more wit than he was born with, and to him they gave in charge, that if he saw any he should be silent for fear of scaring of them, but he no sooner espied a Company of Rabbits before the rest, but he cried aloud, Ecce multi Cuniculi, which in English signifies, behold many Conies, which he had no sooner said, but the Conies ran to their boroughs, and he being checked by them for it, answered, Who the Devil would have thought that the Rabits understood L [...] tine?

135. Cesar after first he had possest Rome, Pompey being fled, offer'd to enter the sacred Treasury to take the monies that were there stored, Metellus Tribune of the people did forbid him, and when Metellus was violent in it, and would not desist, Cesar turned to him, and said, Presume no further, or I will lay you dead, and when Metellus was with these words somewhat astonished, Cesar added, Young man it had been easier for me to do this, than to speak it.

136. The Councel did make Remonstrance [Page] to Queen Elizabeth of the continual conspiracios against her life, and namely of a late one, and shewed her a Rapier taken from a Conspiratour that had a false chape being of brown paper, but guilt over, as it could not be known from a chape of metal, which was devised to the end, that without drawing the Rapier might give a stab, and upon this occasion advise her that she should go lesse abroad to take the air weakly accompanied, as she used, but the Queen answered, That she had rather be dead, than put in custody.

137. Chilon would say, That gold was tried with the touch-stone, and men with gold.

138. Zelon was the first of the Ottomans that did shave his beard, whereas his Predecessors wore it long, one of the Bashawes asked him why he altered the custome of his Predecessors, he answered, Because you Bashaws shall not lead me by the beard, as you did th [...]m.

139. A Welshman being at a Sessions house, and seeing the Prisoners hold up hands at the Bar, related to some of his their acquaintance, That the Judges were good fortune tellers, for if they did but look [Page] upon their hands, they could certainly tell whether they should live or dye.

140. Queen Elizabeth was entertained by my Lord Burleigh at Theobalds, and at her going away, my Lord obtained of the Queen to make seven Knights, they were Gentlemen of the Countrey of my Lords friends and neighbours, they were placed in a rank as the Queen should passe by the Hall, and to win Antiquity of Knighthood in order as my Lord favoured, though indeed the more principal Gentlemen were placed lowest: The Queen was told of it and said nothing, but when she went along she passed them all by, as far as the Skreen, as if she had forgot it, and when she came to the Skreen she seemed to take her self with the manner, and said, I had almost forgot what I promised, with that she turned back, and knighted the lowest first, and so upward, whereupon Mr. Stanhope of the Privy Chamber a while after told her, Your Majesty was too Politick for my Lord B [...]rleigh, she answered, I have but fulfilled the Scripture: the first shall be last, and the last first.

141. Anacharsis would say concerning [Page] the popular Estates of Greece, that be wondred how at Athens wise men did propose and fools did dispose.

142. Solon compared the people unto the Sea, and Oratours and Councellours to the winds; for that the Sea would be calm and quiet, if the winds did not trouble it.

143. Socrates was pronounced by the Oracle of Delphos, to be the wisest man of Greece, which he would put from himself Ironically, saying, There would be nothing in him to verifie the Oracle, except this, that he was not wise, and knew it, and others were not wise, and knew it not.

144. Cato the elder, what time many of the Romanes had Statues erected in their honour, was asked by one in a kind of wonder, why he had none, answered, He had much rather men should ask and wonder why he had no Statue, than why he had a Statue.

145. Sir Fulk Greenvil had much and private access to Queen Elizabeth which he used honourably, and did many men good, yet he would say merrily of himself, That he was like Robin good-fellow, for when the Maids spilt the milk-pans, or kept any racket, they would lay it upon Robeen, [Page] so what the Ladies about the Queen told her, or other bad offices that they did, they would put it upon him.

146. Socrates, when there was shewed him the book of Heraclitus the obscure, and was asked his opinion of it, answered. Those things which I understood were excellent, I imagine so were those that I understood not, but they require a diver of Delos.

147. Bion asked an envious man, that was very sad, What harm had befaln unto him, or what good had befaln unto another man.

148. Stilpo the Philosopher, when the people flocked about him, and that one said to him, the people come wondring about you, as if it were to see some strange beast, No, saith he, it is to see a man which Diogenes sought with his Lanthorn at noon day.

149. A man being very jealous of his wife, insomuch that which way soever she went, he would be prying at her heels, and she being so grieved thereat, in plain terms told him, That if he did not for the future leave off his proceedings in that nature, she would graft such a pair of horns upon his head, that should h [...]nder him from coming out of any door in the house.

150. Caius Marius was General of [Page] the Romanes against the Cimbers, who came with such a Sea of multitudes upon Italy; in the fight there was a band of the Caducians of a thousand that did notable service: whereupon after the fight, Marius did denison them all for Citizens of Rome, though there was no Law to warrant it: one of his friends did represent it to him, that he had transgressed the Law, because that Priviledge was not to be granted, but by the people, whereunto Marius answered, That for the noise of arms he could not hear the Laws.

151. Mr. Bacon would say, That it was in business, as it is commonly in wayes, that the next way is commonly the foulest, & that if a man would go the fairest way, he must go somewhat about.

152. Augustus Cesar out of great indignation against his two Daughters, and P [...]sthumus Agrippa his Grand-child, whereof the two first were infamous, and the last otherwise unworthy, would say, That they were not his seed, but some imposthumes that had broken from him.

153. A Citizen of London passing the streets very hastily, came at last where some stop was made by Carts, and [Page] some Gentlemen talking together, who knew him, where being in some passion that he could not suddenly pass, one of them in this wise spoke unto him, That others had past by and there was room enough only he could not tell whether their horns were so wide as his.

154. Pompey did consummate the war against Sertorius, when Metellus had brought the enemy somewhat low, he did also consummate the war against the fugitives whom Crassus had before defeated in a great Battel, so when Lucullus had had a great and glorious victory against Mithridates, yet Pompey by means his friends made, was sent to put an end to that war; whereupon Lucullus taking indignation, as a disgrace offered to himself, said, that Pompey was like a carrion Cro [...], that when others had struck down bodies, he came to prey upon them

155. Epictetus used to say, That one of the vulgar, if any ill happens to him, blames others, a novice in Philosophy blames himself, and a Philosopher blames neither the one nor the other.

156. Hiero visited by Pythagoras, asked him, of what condition he was? Pythagoras answered, Sir, I know you have been at the Olympian games: yes sa [...]th Hiero, [Page] Thither saith Pythagoras, come some to win the prizes, some come to sell their Merchandise, because it is a kind of Mart of all Greece, some come to meet their friends, and make merry, because of the great confluence of all sorts, others come only to look on, meaning it of Philosophy, and the contemplative life.

157. Plato the Divine said,‘That riches were like muck and dung, when it lay upon an heap, it gave but a stench and ill odour, but when it was spread upon the ground, then it was cause of much fruit:’and he further said, ‘That vertuous men were like some herbs and spices, that gave not their sweet smell, until they be broken and crusht.’

158. There was a Painter became a Physician, whereupon one said to him, ‘You have done well, for before the faults of your work were seen, but now they are unseen.’

159. One of the Philosophers was askt in what a wise man differed from a fool, he aswered, Send them both naked to those that know them not, and you shall perceive.

160. A Tinker passing Cheapside with his usual tone, Have you any work for a Tinker? an Apprentice standing at a door [Page] opposite to a Pillory there set up called the Tinker, with an intent to put a jest upon him & told him that he should do very well if he would stop those two holes in the Pillory, to which the Tinker answered, That if he would but put in his head & ears a while in that Pillory, he would lestow both brasse and nails upon him to hold him in & give him his labor in to the bargain

161. Cesar in his book that he made against Cato, did write to shew the force of opinion and reverence of a man that had once obtained popular reputation, That there were some that found Cato drunk, and they were ashamed instead of Cato.

162. Aristippus sailing in a Tempest shewed signs of fear, one of the Seamen said to him in an insulting manner, We that are Plebeians are not troubled, you that are Philosophers are afraid. Aristippus answered, There is not the like wager upon it, for me to perish, and you.

163. There was an Oratour that defended a cause of Aristippus, and prevailed, afterwards, he ask'd Aristippus, Now in your distress, what did Socrates do you good? Aristippus answered thus, In making true that good which you said of me. Concerning mony, he further declared, That he took mony of his friends, not so much to use it himself, but to teach them how to bestow their mony.

[Page] 164. The Lady Paget, that was very private with Queen Elizabeth, declared her self much against her match with Monsieur, after Monsieurs death the Queen took extream grief, at least as she made shew, and kept within her bed-Chamber, and one Ante-chamber for three weeks space, in token of mourning: At last she came forth into her privy Chamber, and admitted her Ladies to have access unto her, and amongst the rest my Lady Paget presented her self, and came to her with a smiling countenance: the Queen bent her brows, and seemed to be highly displeased, and said to her, Madam, you are not ignorant of my extream grief, and do you come to me with a countenance of joy? My Lady Paget answered, Alas, and it please your Majesty, it is impossible for me to be absent from you three weeks, but that when I see you I must look chearfully. No no, said the Queen, not forgetting her former averseness from the Match, you have some other conceit in it, tell me plainly. My Lady answered, I must [...]bey you, it is this, I was thinking, how happy your Majesty was in that you married not Monsieur, for seeing you take such thought for his death, being but your friend, if he [Page] had been your husband, sure it would have [...]st you your life.

164. Sir Edward Dyer, a brave and wise Gentleman, did much believe in Kelly the Alchimist that he did indeed the work, and made gold, insomuch as he went himself into Germany, where Kelly then was, to confirm himself fully thereof, at his return he dined with my Lord of Canterbury, when at that time was at the Table Doctor Brown the Physician, they fell in talk o [...] Kelly, Sir Edward Dyer turning to the Archbishop, said, I do assure your Grace, that that I shall tell you is truth, I was an eyewitness thereof, and if I had n [...]t seen it, I should not have believed it, I saw Kelly put of the metal into the crusible, and after it was set a little upon the fire, & a very small quantity of the medicine put in, and stirred with a stick of word, it came forth in good proportion perfect gold to the touch, to the hammer, and to the test: said the Bishop, you had need take heed what you say, Sir Edward Dyer, for here is an Infidel at the board. Sr Edward Dyer said again pleasantly, I would have looked for an Insidel sooner in any place than at your Graces Table. Wha [...] [...]ay you Doctor Brown? saith the Bishop. Doctor Brown answered after his blunt and hadling [Page] manner, the Gentleman hath spoken enough for me. Why, saith the B [...] shop, What hath he said? Marry said Doctor Brown he said, he would not have believed it, except he had seen it, and no more will I.

166. A young Maid having married an old man, was observed on the day of marriage to be somewhat moody, as if she had eaten a dish of chums, which one of her Bridemen observing bid her be cheery, and told her moreover, that are old horse would hold out as long, and as well as a young in travel: to which she answered, stroking down her belly w [...]th her hand, But not in this road, Sir.

167. Democritus said, That truth did lie in prefound pits, and when it was got it needed much refining.

168. A Seaman coming before the Judges of the Admiralty for admittance into office in a ship bound for the Indies, was by one of the Judges much sleighted, as an insufficient person for that office which he sought for to acquire, till the Judge telling him, that he believed, that he could not say the poin [...]s of his Compass; the Seaman answered, better than he could say his Pater N [...]ster: the Judge replyed, that he would [Page] wager twenty shillings with him of that: so the Seaman taking him up, it came to trial, and the Seaman began and said all the points of his Compass very exactly, the Judge likewise said his Pater Noster, and when he had finished it, he required the wager according to agreement, because the Seaman was to say his Compass better than he his Pater Noster, which he had not performed: my hold, quoth the Sea man, the wager is not finished, for I have but half done; and so he immediately said his Compass backward very exactly, which the Judge failing of in his Pater Noster, the Setman carried away the prize.

169. Doctor Johnson said, that in sickness there were three things that were material, the Physician, the disease, and the Patient, and if any two of these joyned, then they have the victory: for if the Physician and the Patient joyn, then down goes the disease, for the Patient recovers; if the Physician and the disease joyn, then down goes the Patient, that is, where the Physician mistakes the c [...]re; if the Patient and the disease joyn, then down goes the Physician, for he is discredited.

170. Alexander visited Diogenes in his [Page] Tub, and when he asked what he would desire of him, Diogenes answered, That you would stand a little aside, that the Sun may come to me.

171. Diogenes called an ill Musician Cock, Why saith he? Diogenes answered, because when you crow, men use to rise.

172. There was in Oxford a cowardly fellow that was a very good Arc [...]er, he was abused grossely by another, and moaned himself to Sir Walter Raleigh then a Scholar, and ask his advice, what he should do to repair the wrong had been offered him; Raleigh answered, Why challenge him at a match of shooting.

173. Whitehead a grave Divine was much esteemed by Queen Elizabeth, but not preferred, because he was against the Government of Bishops, he was of a blunt Stoical nature, he came one day to the Queen, and the Queen happened to say to him, I like thee the better, Whitehead, because thou livest unmarried. He answered, In troth Madam, I like you the worse for the same cause.

174. There was a Noble man that was lean of visage, but immediately after his marriage he grew pretty plump, and fat, one said to him, Your Lordship doth contrary to other married men, [Page] for they at the first wax lean, and you wax fat, Sir Walter Raleigh stood by and said, Why there is no beast, that if you take him from the common, and put him into the Several, but he will wax fat.

175. Diogenes seeing one that was a Bastard casting stones among the people, Bade him take heed, he hit not his Father.

176. Doctor Lawd said, that some Hypocrites and seeming mortified men, that held down their heads like bulrushes, were like little Images that they place in the very bowing of the vaults of Churches, that look as if they held up the Church, but are but puppets.

176. A Noble man of this Nation, famously known for his mad tricks, on a time having taken Physick, which he perceiving that it began well to work, called up his man to go for a Surgeon presently, and to bring his instruments with him: the Surgeon comes in all speed; to whom my Lord related, that he found himself much addicted to women, and therefore it was his will, that the cause of it might be taken away, and therefore commanded him forthwith to prepare his instruments ready for to geld him; so the Surgeon prepared [Page] forthwith prepares accordingly, and my Lord told him that he would not see it done, and therefore that he should do his work the back way, so both parties being contented, my Lord makes ready, and holds up his A—and when he perceives the Surgeon very near him, he lets she full in his face, which made the Surgeon step back, but coming presently on again; Hold, hold, [...] my Lord, I will better consider of it, for I see the re [...]ntive faculty is very weak at the very appro [...]ch of such keen instruments.

177. The Lord Henry Howard, being Lord privy Seal, was ask'd by the King openly at the Table, where commonly he entertained the King upon the sudden, My Lord have you not a desire to see Rome? My Lord Privy Seal answered, yes indeed Sir. The King said, and why? My Lord answered, because, and it please your Majesty, it was once the Seat of the greatest Monarchy, and the Seminary of the bravest men in the world amongst the Heathen, and then again, because it was the See of so many holy Bishops in the Primitive Church, most of them Martyrs. The King would not give it over, and for nothing else? My Lord answered, Yes, [Page] It please your Majesty, for two things especially, the one to see him who they say hath such a power to forgive other mens sins, to confess his sins upon his own knees before a Chaplain or Priest, and the other is to hear Antichrist say his Creed.

178. There was a Noble man said of great Counsellour, That he would have made the worst Farrier in the world, for he never shod horse but he cloyed him, so he never commended any man to the King for service, or upon any occasion of Suit, or otherwise, but that he would come in the end with a But, and drive in a nail to his disadvantage.

179. There was a curst Page that his Master whipt naked, and when he had been whipt, would not put on his cloaths, and when his Master bad him, Take them you, for they are the Hang-mans Fees.

180. There was a Gentleman sell very sick, and a friend of his said to him, Surely you are indanger, I pray send for a Physician, but the sick man answered, It is no matter, for if I dye, I will die at leisure.

181. There was a Lady of the West Countrey, that gave great entertainment at her house to most of the gallant Gentlemen thereabouts, and amongst [Page] others, Sir Walter Raleigh was one, this Lady, though otherwise a stately Dame, was a notable good housewife, and in the morning betimes, she called to one of her Maids, that lo [...]kt to the Swine, and asked, are the pigs served? Sir Walter Raleighs chamber was fast by the Ladies, so as he heard her; a little before dinner, the Lady came down in great State into the great Chamber, which was full of gentlemen, and as soon as Sir Walter Raleigh set eye upon her, Madam, saith he, Are the Pigs served? The Lady answered, You know best, whether you have had your breakfast.

182. There was an Epicurian vaunted that divers of other sorts of Philosophers did after turn Epicureans, but that there was never any Epicurean that turned to any other sect, whereupon a Philosopher that was of another sect, said the reason was plain, For that Cocks may be made Capons, but Capons could neuer be made Cocks.

183. An old Baud, being as she supposed on her death-bed was importunned by one who had been a constant customer to her house, that she would put a Girl into his hand, not onely [Page] handsom but wholsom, which she accordingly promised, and to that end, called up for one, who appearing, the Gentleman was not in all respects satisfied concerning her, he therefore prest her hard to know assuredly, whether she was according as the old Bawd promised, to which she answered, That she was, and further left it to him to judge with what comfort and confidence she could expect to meet her Saviour, if she should leave the world with a lie in her mouth.

184. A man having backs [...]den, so as to raise a maids belly, and it being commonly known, his friends and relations came together on purpose for to reprove him, hoping it might prove a remedy from any such future malady, and every one had a saying to him, and the end of all their sayings was a wondering at him that he should do so, and so: well, he having patiently heard them made this answer, You make a wondering and a wonder that I should get her with child, now that is usual, and therefore no cause of wonder, but you would have had somewhat indeed to wonder at, if you had found that she had got me with Child.

APOPHTHEGMS OF Sir THO. MOORE.

[Page]

BY an excellent similitude, Sir Thomas teacheth us why few do fear death, even as they that look upon things afar off, see them conf [...]sedly, not knowing whether they be men or trees: even so, he that promiseth unto himself long life, looketh upon death, as a thing afar off, not judg [...]ng what it is, how terrible, what grief and danger it brings with it: and that none ought to promise to himself long life, he proveth thus, Even as two men that are brought out of prison to the gallows, one by a long way about, the other by a direct straight path, yet neither knowing which is which, until they come to the Gallows, neither of these two can promise himself longer life by reason of the uncertainty of the way, even so, a young man cannot promise himself longer life than an old man.

2. Against the vanity of worldly honour, he speaks thus: Even as that criminal person who is lead to execution should [Page] be accounted vain if he should ingrave his coat of arms upon the Prison gate, even so are they vain who endeavour to leave with great industry, monuments of their dignity in the prison of this world.

3. By a subtil [...] he teacheth us, why we are not to think that we can be hurt by the loss of our supers [...]ous goods in this manner, He that suffereth any loss of his goods, he would either have bestowed them with praise, and liberality, and so God will accept his will instead of the deed it self, or else he would have wasted them wickedly, and then he hath cause to rejoyce, that the matter of sinning is taken away.

4. To express lively the folly of an old covetous man, he writeth thus, A Thief that is to dye to morrow, stealeth to day and being asked why he did so, he answered That it was great pleasure to him to be Master of that mony but one night: so an old Miser never ceaseth to increase his heap of coin, though he be never so aged.

5. He saith also, That those which give themselves to pleasure and idleness in the time of their Pilgrimage, are like to him who is travelling to his own house, where there is abundance of all things, would yet be an Ostler in an Inn by the way, for to get an Innkeepers [Page] favour, and to end his life there in a Stable.

6. Pleasure saith he, doth not only draw wicked men from Prayer, but also affliction sometime, yet this is the difference, that affliction doth sometimes wrest some short prayer from the wickedest man alive, but pleasure calleth away even one that is indifferent good from all prayer.

7. Against impenitent persons, and such as defer the amending of their lives to the latter end of their daies, he saith thus, A leud fellow that had spent all his life in wickedness was wont to brag that he could be saved, if he spoke but three words at the hour of his death; riding over a bridge that was broken, his horse stumbling, & not being able to save himself from falling into the water, when he saw himself past recovery, casting away the bridle, he said, The Devil take all, and so with his three words he perished in the River.

8. Even as he that passeth over a narrow Bridge, by reason of his fear often falleth, especially if others say to him you fall, which otherwise he would safely pass over, even so, he that is fearful by nature, and full of pusillanimity often falleth into desperation, the [Page] Devil crying unto hi [...], thou art damned, which he would never hearken to, nor be in any danger of if he should take unto him a good heart, and by wholsom councel nothing fear the Devils out-cry.

9. The prosperity of this world, is like the shortest winters day, and we are listed up in it as an Arrow shot upon high, where a short breath do [...]h delight us, but from thence we fall suddenly to the earth, and there we stick fast, either bemired with the dirt of insamy, or starving with cold, being pluck'd ont of our feathers.

10. It is a hard thing to touch pitch and not be desiled therewith, a dry stick to be put into the fire, and not to be burnt, to nourish a Snake in our bosom, and not to be stung with it: So a m [...]st hard thing it is to be rich and honoured in this world, and not be struck with the dart of Pride and vai [...]-glory.

11. Let there be two beggars, who a long time begged together, one of whom some rich man hath entertained in his house, put him in Silk, give him mony in his purse, but with this cond [...]tion as he tells him, within a short space he will thrust him out of his [Page] doors, and take all that away from him again; if he in the mean while being thus gallant, should chance to meet with his fellow beggar, would he be so foolish as for all this not to acknowledge him for his companion? or would he for those few daies happiness hold himself better than he? applying this to every mans case, Who cometh naked into this world, and is to return naked again.

12. If he be called stout, that hath sortitude, he hot who hath heat, wise that hath wisdom, yet he who hath riches cannot be said presently to be good, therefore riches cannot be numbred among good things. Twenty, yea, a hundred bare heads standing by a Noble man doth not defend his head from cold, so much as his own hat doth alone, which yet he is inforced to put off in the presence of his Prince.

13. He that knoweth certainly, he is to be banished into a strange Country never to return again [...] his own, and will not endure that his goods be transported thither, being loath to want them for that little while, rather than ever to enjoy them after, may well be thought a mad man: so are they out of their wits who intic'd with a vain affections [Page] to keep their goods alwaies about them, and neglective to give alms for fear of wanting, cannot endure to have their goods sent before them to heaven, when as they know most assuredly, that they shall enjoy them alwaies there, with all plenty, and with a double reward.

14. To ease his thoughts when he was in Prison, He imagined that all the world was but a Prison, out of which every day some one or other was called to execution.

15. When he heard any at his Table speaking detraction, he would interrupt them thus, Let any man think as he pleaseth, I like this room very well, for it is very well contrived, and fairly built.

16. Of an ungrateful person, he would say, That they wrote good turns d [...]ne unto them in the dust, but even the least injuries in marble.

17. He compareth reason to an handmaid, which if she be well taught will obey, and faith to the Mistress,! which is to keep her in awe.

18. He said, That he was a mad man that would drink poyson to take a preservative after it, but he is a wiseman, that spilling the poyson, leaveth the Antidote for him that hath need thereof.

[Page] 19. When Sir Thomas Moore lived in the City of London, being one of the Justices of Peace, he used to go to the Sessions at New gate, where it fell out, that one of the ancientest Justices of the Bench was wont to chide the poor men whose purses had been cut, for not being more careful, telling them, their negligence was the cause that so many cut-purses were brought thither, which when Sir Thomas Moore observed him so often to repeat at one time, especially, the night after he sent for one of the chief cut-purses that was in prison, and promised to save him harmless, and stand his friend too, if he would cut the aforesaid Justices Purse the next day as he sate on the Bench, and then presently make a sign of it to him: the fellow very gladly promiseth him to do it the next day, therefore when they sate again, that Thief was called among the first, who being accused of his fact, said, he did not doubt but that he could sufficiently excuse himself, if he were permitted to speak to some of the Bench in private, he was therefore bid to chuse one who he would, and presently he chose that grave old man, who then had his pouch at his girdle, as they [Page] wore them in those dayes, and whilst he whispered him in the ear, he cunningly cut his purse, and then solemnly taking his leave, returns to his place, Sir Thomas knowing by a private sign, that the business was dispatcht, presently took occasion to move the Bench to distribute some alms to a poor needy fellow that was there, and for good example began himself to do it, when the old man came to open his purse, and sees it cut away, and much wondering said, he was confident he brought it with him when he came thither that morning. Sir Thomas replied presently, What will you charge any of us with felony? but his choler rising, and he being ashamed of the thing; Sir Thomas calls the Cut-purse, and bids him give him his purse again, and withal advised the good old Justice hereafter, Not to be so bitter a censurer of innocent mens negligence, when as himself could not secure his purse in that open assembly

20. When he was Lord Chancellour, one of the house of the Manors whom the King had lately preferred to a great honour, who before that had been a great friend of Sir Thomas Moores, but perceiving now that the world began [Page] somewhat to frown upon him, because he was not so forward as other men to perswade the King to the divorce, and being desirous to pick so [...]e quarrel against him, My Lord, said, Honores mut [...]nt mores, Sir Thomas readily replied, It as so indeed my Lord, but Mores signifies in English manners, not More; which answer put my Gentleman to a nihil di [...].

21. Sir Thomas Moore having le [...]t a Gentleman mony in some time afterwards demanded it back of the Gentleman, the Gentleman bid him remember he must dye, and God knows how soon, and that then he should have little use of mony, adding the Se [...]ence in Latin, the better to please Sr. [...]h ma [...], Memento morieris: to which Sir [...]. presently answer'd, What say you Sir? methinks you put your self in mind of your duty herein, saying, Memento Moriaeris, Remember Moores mony.

21. It happened on a time [...] hat a beggars little dog which she had lost, was sent to the Lady Moore for a Present, and she had kept it about a week very carefully, but at last the beggar having notice where her dog was, presently came and complained to Sir Thomas, as he was sitting in his Hall, that his Lady kept her dog from her, presently my Lady was [Page] sent for, and the dog brought with her, which Sir Thomas taking in his arms, he caused his wife to stand at the upper end of the Hall, and the beggar at the lower end, and then saying, That he sate there to do every one justice, He badeach of them call the Dog, which when they did, the dog ran presently to the beggar, forsaking his Lady; when he saw this, he bid his Wife be contented for it was none of hers: yet she repining at his Sentence, agreed with the beggar, and gave her a piece of Gold: so all parties were satisfied, every one smiling at this strange discovery of truth.

23. Another time a certain friend of his taking great pains about a Book which he intended to publish, being well conce [...]ted of his own wit, which no body else thought worth of commendation, and because he would Sir Thomas Moore should observe it e're it were Printed, he brought it to him, who perusing it and finding nothing therein worthy the Presse, said with a grave countenance, If it were in verse, it were more worth; upon which words he went immediately and turned it into verse, and then brought it again to Sir Thomas, who looking thereon said soberly, Yea [Page] marry now it is somewhat, for now it is Rithm, before it was neither Rithm, nor Reason.

24. And what ever Jest he brought forth, he never laughed at any himself, but spoke them so seriously, that few could discern by his look, whether he were in earnest or in jest, as once talking with another in dispute of his Dialogues by some occasion, they happened to speak of a Dogs Turd, at that very instant one of his men came to tell him that dinner was ready, to whom he said, look that there be better mea [...] provided for us than that; who presently went and told his Lady, that his Lord would have better meat provided for his Dinner, which caused a great disturbance in the house, till at last the mistake being known, the sea of their disturbance was calmed in a fit of laughing.

25. Sir Thomas Moore had only daughters at the first, and his Wife did ever pray for a boy, at last she had a boy, which after at mans years proved simple, Sir Thomas said to his Wife, Thou prayedst so long for a boy, that he will be a boy as long as he lives.

26. Sir Thomas Moore the day he was [Page] beheaded, had a Barber sent to him, because his hair was long which was thought would make him more commiserable with the people, the Barber came to him, and asked him whether he would be pleased to be trimmed, In good faith honest fellow, said Sir Thomas, the King and I have a suit for my head, and till the Title be cleared, I will do no c [...]st upon it.

27. Sir Thomas Moore had sent him by a Suiter in the Chancery two silver flaggons, when they were presented by the Gentlemans servant, he said to one of his men, Have him to the Cellar, and let him have of my best Wine, and turning to the servant said, tell thy M [...]ster friend, if he like it, let him not spare it.

28. When Sir Thomas Moore was Lord Chance [...]lour, he did use at Masse to sit in the Chancel, and his Lady in a Pew, and because the Pew stood out of sight, his Gentleman Usher ever afte [...] Service came to the Ladies Pew, and said, Madam, my Lord, is gone: so when the Chancellors place was taken from him, the next time they went to Church Sir Thomas himself came to his Ladies Pew, and said, Madam, my Lord is gone.

29. In Sir Thomas Moores imprisonment in the Tower, there came one [Page] from the Court, for to perswade Sir Thomas to change his mind before he died, of those things which he stood condemned in by the Law, and Sir Thomas being wearied with his importanity, said, I have changed my mind, the C [...]tier said, in what? Sir Thomas replied, in this, That whereas he had intended to be s [...]aven, that he might appear to the people, as before he was wo [...], now he was fully resolved, that his beard should take such part as his head did.

30. Sir Thomas Pope visiting Sir Thomas Moore in his imprisonment was very sad, and could not refrain from weeping, which Sir Thomas Moore seeing, to put him out of his melancholy, took his own urinal in his hand, and casting his water said merrily, I see no danger, but that this man (meaning himself) might live longer if it had pleased the King.

31. Sir Thomas Moore, who was a man in all his life time, that had an excellent vein in jesting a little before, and at his death delivered himself in this manner coming on the Scaffold, which seemed to him so weak, that it was ready to fall, he said merrily to the Lieutenant, I pray you Mr. Lieutenant, see me safe up, & for my coming down, let [Page] me shift for my self; and to the Execaioner, he said, pluck up thy spirits man, and be not afraid to do thine office, my neck is very short, take heed therefore thou strike not away for saving thine honesty: and at the very instant of his death, having a pretty long beard, after his head was upon the block lift it up again, and gently drew his beard aside, and said, that that had never committed any Treason, nor in the least offended the King, and therefore should not be cut off: and thus passed Sir Thomas Moore out of this world, on the very same day on which himself had most desired, being Saint Thomas day, in the year of our Lord, 1537.

FINIS.

Information about this book

Title statement

Witty apophthegms delivered at several times, and upon several occasions by King James, King Charls, the Marquess of Worcester, Francis Lord Bacon, and Sir Thomas Moor ; collected and revised.

Edition statement

1669

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Text Creation Partnership,

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2003-01 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1).

ID [DLPS]

A66812

ID [STC]

Wing W3237

ID [STC]

ESTC R12699

ID [EEBO-CITATION]

12592170

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ocm 12592170

ID [VID]

63979

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(EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A66812)

Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 63979)

Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 970:16)

Source

— Witty apophthegms delivered at several times, and upon several occasions by King James, King Charls, the Marquess of Worcester, Francis Lord Bacon, and Sir Thomas Moor ; collected and revised., Bayly, Thomas, d. 1657?, James I, King of England, 1566-1625. Selections. 1669., Charles I, King of England, 1600-1649. Selections. 1669., Worcester, Henry Somerset, Marquis of, 1577-1646. Selections. 1669., Bacon, Francis, 1561-1626. Selections. 1669., More, Thomas, Sir, Saint, 1478-1535. Selections. 1669..

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[6], 168 p.

Printed by W.R. for Matthew Smelt, and are to be sold at his shop ...,. London :: 1669.. (Reproduction of original in Huntington Library.)

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Image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. Quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in Oxford and Michigan. 5% (or 5 pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet QA standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. After proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of 100 instances per text. Any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. Understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of TCP data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. Users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a TCP editor.

The texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level 4 of the TEI in Libraries guidelines.

Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements).

Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site.