Poor Robins character of an honest drunken curr with a relation of the frollicks of his life and conversation and his epitaph.

Poor Robins character of an honest drunken curr with a relation of the frollicks of his life and conversation and his epitaph.

Table of contents

Title page

Poor Robins CHARACTER, Of an Honeſt Drunken Curr.

An Epitaph.

FINIS.

§

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Poor Robins CHARACTER, Of an Honeſt Drunken Curr: With a Relation of the Frollicks of his Life, and Converſation AND HIS EPITAPH.

With Permiſſion.

London, Printed by E. C. for C. Huſſey, at the Bible in Iewen ſtreet. 1675.

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Poor Robins CHARACTER, Of an Honeſt Drunken Curr.

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HE's a Pickel'd Youth to be ſure, for he always lyes ſteep'd in his own Liquor; of which like a Whale, he carries ſo much about him, that when ever he Diſgorges, he may Swim away in his own Flood. Clap but a good Sucker into his Belly, and he makes an excellent Pariſh Pump: and if you add but a Pipe to his Muzle, he may paſs for a Water Engine, and do good ſervice in time of Fire; you need not fear Drawing him dry, ſo long as all the Ale-houſes, and Taverns in Town, like little Rivulets, ſupply the decreaſe; He contains about as much as thoſe in Churches; but is ſo uncooth a Trough, he's twice as hard to be Gauged: yet by frequent experience, he can gueſs his Meaſure to a Pint, ſpecially if you except [Page] Leakage: His Veins are ſo thronged, and his Blood ſo tainted with Scurvey, Gout, and Dropſie, (and a ſmatch of the French-man to boot, which he got when he was Drunk, and does not know who to lay it too.) That he defies the intruſion of any other Diſtemper: wherefore he Stalks in as much State through a Peſtilence; as a well Arm'd Souldier through a ſhower of Bullets, for his forementioned Diſeaſes have taken ſuch large Poſſeſſion of his Body, that there's no room left for Infection.

He has drunk himſelf into a Jelly, and is ſo moiſt, that if you ſqueeſe him, he drops like an Orange.

His Body a perfect Still, which he Fuells with Brandy, inſtead of Char-coal; being throughly heated, you may diſcern the ſweaty Diſtilation tricle from his face, as from the Lid of a Limbick, and if any chance to drop on his Noſe, you may hear it hiz as if it fell upon heated Bricks. In fine though he always lives Joakingly and Merry, he hates nothing more then a dry Jeſt.

Thus having acquainted you with his Conſtitution, I ſhall only conſider him in his Converſation, and Friendſhip, and ſo leave him to ſleep out his nap.

And firſt for his Converſation, to take him in the Morning (for who can find him all the Day after) he prevents his Pray'rs with a Pipe of Tobacco, and Smoaks at ſuch a Rate as if he pr [...]fer'd Sacrifice to Devotion. A Tinder-box is as neceſſary to him, as a green Bagg to an Atturney's Clark, with which he ſeems as raviſh'd as Alexander with the Odiſſes, for he cannot ſleep unleſs it lye under his Pillow. In that little night he makes, he cannot ſo properly ſaid to ſleep, as to chew the Cudd [...] [Page] often diſturbs the repoſe of a Family, with Muttering a Repetition of his Oaths, and Healths when he awakes, he ſtares about with ſuch wild Curioſity, as one would fancy Adam did immediately after his Creation; for he generally makes himſelf ſo Drunk over Night, drowning his paſt actions in Liquor and Oblivion, that he ſcarcely knows the Morning from the Reſurrection, and is hardly perſwaded that ever he lived before.

But after he is convine'd of the affirmative ſpends about a quarter of an Hour in examining the Bed-poſts and Windows, before he diſcovers whether he be in his own Lodging: And afterward remains as doubtful how he got thither.

Then Bed-ſtaves, and Slip-ſhoo's go to Wrack, for clattering on the Bed-ſtead, like Boys at the Bear-Garden; he calls up the People as Country Wenches do Swine, by knocking; and after a Petition for a Cup of Settle-Brain, begs them to reſolve his Quaerie: Whereupon they tell him the truth, which indeed is that either he came the old Porterly way, Crutch'd with a brace of Watch-men; or elſe the Modern and more Genteel way, viz. On Pick-pack, inſtead of a Sadan.

Now although my Honeſt Drunken Curr be guilty of many Vices, which like Younger Brothers hang on this great one which has got poſſeſſion: Yet (Give the Devil his aue) I think the World has Sully'd his Reputation with divers Scandals of which he is no wiſe Guilty: Wherefore becauſe I only intend his Convertion not his Conſumption; Like an honeſt Hiſtorian (ſince I Write his Life) I ought not to ſee him wrong'd, but rather to reſcue him from those C [...] on him [...]

[Page] The firſt imputation therefore that they impoſe on him is that he is proud, And why forſooth? but becauſe when he has a D [...]op in his Eye, he brags and vapours as if he were a better man than his Neighbours. A ſtout reaſon indeed? as if any man might not do as much that were either Light-headed, or in a Fevour; Nay, a Paſſion alone makes the wiſeſt of us Bethlehems. But let us do as we would be done by, and take him when he is himſelf, (that is in a Morning,) and then I am ſure he is as free from Pride, as a Quaker from good Minners or Ribbons: For would Cuſtome admit, I am confident he would never go to the Ale-houſe Naked, than undergo the hard Pennance of Sobriety the while he dreſſes himſelf.

Secondly, They call him an Idle fellow; a good fellow all the World knows he is, but as for Idleneſs, let me dye if I know any one more free from it than he; What would they know of him trow? he riſes early, ſits up late; and I dare Swear he grudges himſelf his very Sleep, becauſe it keeps him from his Buſineſſe: When he is at it, no man more expeditious than he, for as if his minutes, like his Eſtate, ran away too faſt, you ſhall frequently ſee him with an Ale-Glaſs in one hand, and a Looking-Glaſs in the other, which betokens both ſpeed and frugality.

The third and moſt fallacious Accuſation is that they ſay, He's Prodigal, and Piſſes his Eſtate againſt the Wall. But I am confident he enriches nor Perfumes the Walls no more than others; onely this I know he does, that whereas Uſurers uſe to hide their Riches in Earth Pots, he puts his Eſtate in a Pewter one (which one would think were the ſafer Cabinet) ſo that it is not the Honeſt Drunken Cur, but the Impudent Rogues, Drawers, and Tapſters, that imbezle and make it away.

[Page] Much more might be ſaid of him both in his Vindication, and in Commendation alſo: For he is one of the quieteſt Subjects his Majeſty has, and moſt ſubmiſſive to Monarchyal Government: He would not be without a King, if it were for no other Reaſon than meerly Drinking his Health. He hates Coffee as Mahomatizm, and thinks it a Leſſer ſin to go to Bed Drunk, than to Drink it to make him Sober.

He hates a Studious man as Caeſer did a Lean one, and for the ſame Reaſon, for he is ſo confident he's hatching of Treaſon, that he could find in his Heart to impeach him at adventure.

As for his Friends he never troubles his Head to pick and cull them, but takes them as ſuperannuated Maids do Husbands, or Fiſh-women do Mackerel, as they come next to hand: For fixing himſelf in the next Ale-houſe or Tavern he comes at; at firſt he ſits as ſullenly as a degraded Courtier, or an Inſurer upon Advice of a Loſs▪ And no leſs than a Quart of Purle-Royal, or Two Kicks in the Guts can remove his Moroſity. After he has digeſted either of them, perchance he'l vouchſafe to bleſs you with a Smile, eſpecially if you will purchaſe it at the expence of a Bawdy Song; to which you ſhall ſee him turn head, and liſten as heedfully as a Lynnet to a Flaijolet, but infinitely more eaſie to be Taught.

When you have done, tis twenty to one but he comes and hugs you; ſwearing you are the moſt accompliſht Gentleman that ever he met in his Life; and tho he never ſaw you before, from that time you may date his Friendſhip: He makes Friends faſter than Children do Babies; and like them too, he often forgets where he has left them.

[Page] His Reaſon like a bad Shop-keeper is ſeldom at home, or rather like a Country Gentleman, has left the Manour of his own Body; and is gone to dwell in ſtrange Lodgings: So that 'tis no wonder, he's Hobgoblin'd by his fiery Noſe to any Debauchery, or that Men call him Beaſt; ſince by giving Rains to his I Senſuality, he makes ſo perfect a Swine of himſelf, that he Drinks till he can hardly Grunt. However, ſince the Church allows him Chriſtian Burial, I'le Hopkins and Sternhold him with

An Epitaph.

Here Lyes Drunken Tom,

VVhom Heav'n in mercy ſave,

He ſtumbel'd o're his Death,

And reel'd into his Grave.

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Information about this book

Title statement

Poor Robins character of an honest drunken curr with a relation of the frollicks of his life and conversation and his epitaph.

Poor Robin.

Edition statement

1675

Publication

Publisher

Text Creation Partnership,

Place of publication

Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) :

Date

2006-02 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1).

ID [DLPS]

A66704

ID [STC]

Wing W3072

ID [STC]

ESTC R26428

ID [EEBO-CITATION]

09459283

ID [OCLC]

ocm 09459283

ID [VID]

43177

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Early English books online.

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(EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A66704)

Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 43177)

Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 1321:3)

Source

— Poor Robins character of an honest drunken curr with a relation of the frollicks of his life and conversation and his epitaph., Poor Robin., Winstanley, William, 1628?-1698..

Extent

8 p.

Printed by E.C. for C. Huffey,. London :: 1675.. ("With permission") (William Winstanley is usually credited with authorship of the Poor Robin pamphlets--NUC pre-l956 imprints.) (Reproduction of original in the Harvard University Library.)

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