THE Wheel of Fortune: OR, Nothing for a Penny.
BEING Remarks on the dawing the Penny-Lottery, at the THEATRE-ROYAL, in Dorset-Garden, with the Characters of some of the Honourable Trustees, and all due acknowledgments paid to his Honour the Undertaker.
—Momento turbinis exit,
Macrus Davus,
Pers.
Written by a Person who was cursed Mad he had not the Thousand pound Lot.
LONDON, Printed in the Year 1698. Price three pence.
[...]
THE Wheel of FORTUNE OR, Nothing for a Penny.
DAme Fortune assist,
If you please, or you list,
Whilst I sing in the praise of a fancy,
Which has gather'd the Croud,
Rich, Poor, and Proud,
From her Grace down to Susan and Nancy.
We should do 'em much wrong
Not to praise the dull Throng,
And admire how the Devil so many
Could venture together,
In these sharp times and weather,
And all for one pitiful Peny.
But the thing which in chief,
Will suspend our belief,
[Page 2] Because so uncommon and rare,
Is that this happn'd out
When the Rabble and Rout,
Should have paid their respects at Horn-fair,
For the Cit was afraid
Should he with Fork and Spade,
Like a true London Cuckold advance,
Some more lucky Sot,
Had march'd off with his Lot,
And that was the Thousand pound Chance.
But no more of the Cits,
If we're in our right Wits,
And Reverence the Sword and the Mace,
For Sir H— won't suffer
Nor Flouter nor scoffer.
Those he's the chief of, to disgrace.
Wherefore let us proceed
To give those, who can read
An account of the wise Undertaker,
And as far as we dare
Tho' the Cuckolds we spare,
Make bold with the brisk Cuckold-maker,
The Wheel's being plac'd
And Lacker'd and grac'd
Like a Chariot of Triumph or State,
The Mob, Sir, and Gentry,
At one time make their entry,
And promiscuously take each their place,
Here Sarah and Moll
Sit with Richard and Paul,
[Page 3] And a Person of Quality by 'em;
Who with Hat lowring down
Casts many a frown
Because Sir, his Honour's so nigh 'em.
But no matter for that
They ne're mind his Hat,
But keep gaping, and talking, and staring
Whilst state keeps the Lord,
From saying one word,
And much trys his Lordship's forbearing
Look ye, Sarah, says Paul,
Our Old Master's Hall,
Is a booby to thick zame vine place;
Zwounds, Girl, thick holds more,
Than his by zome score,
And looks in a much better case.
Vaith, if yonder Dame Vortune,
Behind that zame Curtain,
Will a thousand pound give for my Penny;
Why, mun, Thee and I,
Shall have mony to buy
A Barn that will hold full as many.
I vow, and indeed,
If I shou'd zucceed
We'd have Roast-meat, besides upon Zunday:
And e cod, Girl, a Witch
Said I should be rich,
As the Parson himself should be one day.
When up flew the Curtain
And shew'd Goddess Fortune,
[Page 4] Triumphantly plac'd on a Throne:
Lord! how each beg'd and pray'd
For her Ladiships aid!
Tho' they had as well let her alone.
For regardless she sate,
'Midst her Pomp and her State,
Nor dar'd promise any her Favour,
Whilst a Goddess sate by
And with piercing eye,
Observ'd her designs and behaviour.
For the Deity Justice
Sate over the Trustees,
And his Honour the noble Inventer,
And upon my word,
Her Scales and her Sword,
Would have been too hard for bad intent here
Beneath Fortune that Goddess
Stood one not over modish,
With his Hat in his hand and beseeching,
That her Ladiship wou'd
Use his words which were good,
And his Prologue to make her speech in.
'Twas a Poet it seems
With his Fancies and Dreams,
But, Lord! what a figure he made!
How he squeez'd when the Lady
Was not over ready,
And repeated not what he had said!
As the Prologue was spoke
Without good sence or joke,
[Page 5] So a Lord of high Title and Birth,
First vow'd he was just,
And in Sirs he thrust
The Tickets, which caus'd mighty mirth.
Those who were before sad
Look'd jocund and glad,
Not doubting but right would be done;
Since a Peer who laid claim
To Honour and Fame,
Swore all should be paid that was won.
For tho' we all knew
'Twas certain and true,
That the Tickets should all be drawn out,
Yet some were afraid
They would never be paid,
And at what time they will's yet a doubt.
There was none but could read
What his Lordship had said,
In the Majors boon Air and his Mein;
For how could he do wrong,
Who had such a fine Tongue,
And whose face, and whose hands were so clean?
Tho' some who were there,
Did not stick to declare,
That his Honour was not a great Wit;
Yet I vow and protest.
Hes as wise as the best
If they can ne'er be foolish who get.
For what needed he mind,
Whether Lame, Sick, or Blind
[Page 6] The one Thousand pound Ticket should win;
When all of us knew
He himself would gain two,
If I said more it could be no sin?
In a close Mourning suit,
Majestick and mute,
Like a true man of breeding he sat.
And would not so much
As offend with a touch,
The Mob, or his Wig, with his Hat,
But a Doctor, whose head
Was not so well bred,
Cock'd his Felt to a Hair on his Crown;
And swore 'twas not Law
To be kept so in awe
Of the scum of the Land, the Mob's frown.
With his eyes on his nose
His worship arose,
I should say his Honour, for he,
Tho' he's lost all his places
And at Court in disgrace is,
Has gain'd the name of a Trustee.
There's nothing that's evil,
Said Man of Law-Civil
Intended by small or great Wheel,
Can you think a Lord's Brother,
Will do as another,
Or Quality act any ill?
By Digests and Codes,
There are no greater Odds,
[Page 7] Than one Thousand eight Hundred to One,
And that is not many,
For a Lot's but a Penny,
And I stand here to see Justice done.
Can ye think, Sirs, one bred
To write and to read
As I, will pass by a deceit?
No, I'll lay a wager,
His Honour the Major,
Has not a bad thought in his Pate.
Why Sirs, I am known
To Country and Town,
And have pleaded for Pirate and Thief,
And tho' Judges and Jury
Would not hear me, I assure ye,
I can't but deserve your belief.
The folks could not say no,
'Cause he made such a show,
And was one of the fam'd Overseers,
Tho' he might then have known
What they thought would be done,
Had his eyes but kept watch with his Ears.
For those who were told
How clam'rous and bold
He had been in his Advocate's place,
Thought his condescention
To such an Invention
Had very much alter'd the Case.
And, in troth, it was mean
For him to be seen
[Page 8] For a poor, sorry, penny chance pleading,
Who ne'er would make a plea
Without a pound Fee,
And very good drinking and feeding:
But some who would excuse,
Said, he ought not to refuse
A Place of such Honour and State;
Since he would never lack,
No good Fowls or good Sack,
Which men of the Law never hate.
But this may fuffice
As the Pulpiter crys,
Who nothing sufficient has shown,
For both I and you know,
That Crimine ac uno
The faults of the rest may be known.
The Lots and the Prizes
Of all sorts and sizes,
Being plac'd in the Wheels as design'd,
A Boy at each Wheel
Stood ready to feel
If her Ladiship Fortune was kind.
But me thought the Undertaker
Made a mighty mistake here
In sending for Boys from a place,
As the house of Correction
To give their inspection
In a thing of such Grandure and Grace:
For how could he suppose
Any credit from those
[Page 9] Who are bred amongst Thieves, and are taught
To sink and to palm
Without any Qualm,
And whose livelihood is to be nought.
Tho' some thought it just
That they should have that trust,
As aggreeable to the plot laid
For the Devil a bit,
Did the Men of Wit,
If they won believe they should be paid.
The fair Mrs Wise
Got the Fortunate prize.
If Post-boys and Post-men, are true,
Tho' what she'll receive
Gentle Readers I leave
To such Politicians as you.
This I am sure of, that she
May have you, him, or me,
If they justly and honestly pay her,
For a Thousand pound Sterlin
Will make any Girl in
The Kingdom, succeed in her prayer?
But have it or not,
She'll ne'er like such a sot
As the Person who writing now is,
For it is his damn'd fate
Neither splay-foot nor strait,
E're yet fell in love with his Phiz.
Wherefore Fortune and Justice
Ʋndertaker and Trustees,
[Page 10] And Cashiers and Bankers adieu,
For it is but fitting
There should be some greeting
At parting between me and you.
I have no more to say,
If you will you may pay,
If you wo'nt you may take to your heels,
For, Zouns I have lost
Ev'ry Jack, to my cost,
And along with your damn'd Wheels.
FINIS.