THe Famous Hopodeeboody, (whose Life we now intend to Write; for the Information of the pre­sent and future Ages, and diverse other good causes and valuable Considerations) was by birth a true Cockney, for so the Poet resolves the point.

He sprouted out of the Parsley-bed, and drew his first breath on this Globe of Mortality in Thames-street near Broken-wharf, a place where you may very Como­diously be Landed from Cuckolds haven, and thence take Water again to rights for the Bench in Southwark. His Nativity happened in the Year 1589. We would give you the Scheme, but are loath to deprive the Body of A­strology of so proper an Ornament. However, we find by it and a little Algebra, that 'tis now above fourscore and five years ago since his Patents made use of the means to beget him, and truly in that terrible sullen blu­stering year eighty eight (when the Spaniard came with an Invincible Armado laden with Shovels and Pickaxes to fling all England into the Sea) it was very comendably done of this honest couple to be so kind one to another, and mind the work of Generation, some affirm that his Mother when she was big with him was almost frighted out of her wits by her Husbands going to Tilbury Camp, which by the power of Imagination made such an impres­sion on the child, that he never had the perfect use of reason. True it is, that Mercury combust retrograde and inpitted degrees (bogs of Heaven as one of his Cozens calls them) shews weakness in the Intellectualls, but there is a critical minute for every one to be happy, and Jupiter [Page 3]dignified in the 10th. assures us, that if he had not been ou [...] of the way, he might have been one of Tumble-down-Dick's Privy council.

He was a thriveing lusty child, till about seven or eight years of Age, at which time by misfortune he happened to fall into the fire, which burnt and disfigured him very much, and from thenceforwards he appeared more and more like a Natural in his actions and deportment.

Some years after this both his father and mother dyed one soon after the other; whilst they lived, they had all things comfortably about them, he being by Trade a Lime-man and she a Laundress; but after their decease their poor Orphan John VVeb, (for that was our Hopbo­deeboody's right Name) Being look'd upon as a shiftlesse creature, is put out to a Nurse to look after him by the Parish; With whom he had not been long, but an odd accident happens, which proved not a little to his da­mage at present, and all his Nurses loss in the sequel. Be­ing one day wandring abroad, a charitable Gentleman comisserating his deplorable simplicity gave him a groat, which he being overjoyed at, [for fools are generally fond of money, and indeed 'tis a shreud sign of one to be so] runs with it home and shows it to his Nurse, who thinking it too much for any body to give him, fancyed he had stoln it, and in that conceit would needs go to whip him, who having eat very liberally that morning of pease-porridge, and thereby got a violent loosenesse, no sooner had she got up his coats, and made his Breech smart, but fear opening his postern-gate, discharged a whole shovelful of Marmalade into the old VVomans chops, half an hours respite she was forced to take to wipe her mouth, and clear her eyes, but then shen came upon him more fierce than before, and now it seems all [Page 4]his Ammunition was spent, so that being wholly at her mercy, she whipt him beyond all measure.

So sore for a long time were his Haunches, that he could never forget it, for from thenceforth to his dying day he would never take any money save Farthings and Half-pence; and if any body proferr'd him a piece of sil­ver he would not touch it, but run away, and cry: No Groat, no Groat, Nurse Hipp'd me once for t [...]king a Groat; so that he counted all silver, Groats, and never beg'd but in this stile. Pay for Dod's sake gi me one Fardin toten.

When he was about eighteen years of Age, in a very hard frost, seeing great numbers of boys sliding and hop­ping upon the Ice at the sides of the Thames, honest silly Jack would needs make one, but as he was hopping ve­ry pleasantly to the great divertisement of the spectators, The Ice on a sudden broke, and in dropt Peel-garlick all but the head, where he lookt like a Monkey, doing pen­nance, or a Prickear'd fool holding forth in a Bucking-Tub, but roar'd so loud one might have heard hi be­yond High-gate, till at last he was taken out, and because he seemed new Christned after the dippers mode, a new name was bestowed upon him, for since this disaster was occasioned by hopping, and that none of his body, but his head could be seen, when he was in, an Arch Pickled Rogue that stood by, calls him Hopodeeboody, a VVord whose strange sound took extreamly amongst the Boys and rabble: insomuch that he came generally to be cal'd so all his life time, so that the very children were wont to sing up and down the streets.

Others say that being much addicted to hopping in his youth, but so unfortunate, that he always tumbled down with it, people called at first Hopping Booby, which in time by corruption became Hopodeeboody, but which is the true Etymology we must refet to the Antiquaries to determine and proceed.

By this time Hopodeeboody was attain'd to a legal age of 21. though not to the years of discretion, and being now in his prime he plays a trick which we may well call his Master-peice, comming one day in the Winter to Trigg-stairs, gazeing on the River which was then at High-water, so near, that a strong lusty Waterman fear­ing he would tumble in, to frighten him takes him up in his Arms, and shook him over the water as one would a child, telling him he would drown him, and asking of­ten, Can you swim, sirrah, can you swim. Which made Hopbody cry out monstrously, but being set down safe, he continues sneaking thereabouts, still meditating a Re­venge, at last seeing that Waterman stand on the stairs heedlesly with his back towards him, he comes slily be­hind him, and with a sudden thrust cants him into the Thames, crying aloud to him when he was in. Can you whim, can you whim. And so laughing hop'd away as fast as he could. This is so fa [...] from being any fiction, that there is scarce an Antient Waterman on the River but will justifie it: several were present, by the same token one that was going to Launch just as the fellow fell in, cry'd, Pox on him, he was made such a hole in the Thames I know not how to get my Boat out.

He continued there with several Nurses till the time of the great Fire, and then was removed to a Nurse neer Clarken-well, where Jack Adams and he had diverse in­terviews, and sometimes Wars like to be proclaim'd, till [Page 6]their mediating Nurses composed all sudes with half a dozen of nappy Ale, being so very old he grew almost quite blind of late, and after a tedious sickness departed this life at his Nurses in Turn-Mill-street, from whence his body was conveyed in a Coach down to Broken-Wharf, and there enter'd in the Church-yard belonging to that parish.