Christian and conjugal counsell, or, Christian counsell, applyed unto the maried estate by Will. Thomas ...

Christian and conjugal counsell, or, Christian counsell, applyed unto the maried estate by Will. Thomas ...

Table of contents

Title page

To the CHRISTIAN READER.

ERRATA.

The Matter of the ensuing MEDITATIONS Summ'd up, and referr'd to the several Numbers and Partitions of them: WHEREIN—

CHRISTIAN COUNSELL, applyed to the Maried Estate.

CHRISTIAN COUNSELL, applyed to the Maried Estate.

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1. MAriage is an estate honourable in all; Hebr. 13. 4. And they fall below the nature and worth of men, (and much more of Christians) who quarrell that [Page] estate which God hath ordained for the comfort, benefit, and increase of mankind.

2. The honour of the maried estate is preserved, while the bed is kept without being defiled either by falseness or filthiness.

3. But the duty of the estate is as difficult as the dignity is great, and a businesse it is of far greater vertue for any to acquit himself in the maried, then in the single estate.

4. A single and solitary estate is the touchstone of sincerity, and [Page] they are surely good thatRequisites in mariage. are good secretly, but of our wisdom, patience, and zeal, society is the truest triall.

5. Of zeal in regard of1. Zeal. religious exercises and private conversings with God; for which, to gain a competent time, and therein, to come before God with a clear heart in the multitude and number of worldly businesses, will undoubtedly make Christians to bestir themselves.

6. And of patience also2. Patience. in regard of Familyoccasions, and the many [Page] vexations of spirit that do arise both from things and persons.

7. Its true that divers occasions of disturbance and distemper, may by providence, and prudence be prevented; and our little stock of patience bespeaks the best assistance of that providence; but to avoid & discharge our selves of all, is no more in our power, then to command the course of providence, Ecc'es. 1. 15. or to alter the nature and dispositions of people.

8. We have need of patience therefore, that [Page] what we are not able to prevent we may be willing to endure.

9. Nor doth patienceImpatience an enemy to Society endure it only, but abate and end it; and this is the common fruit of our impatience, the doubling of our disturbance.

10. And consider here (to make patience more precious) that perturbations of spirit are great molesters of piety, and interrupt our society1▪ With God▪ with God; for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousnesse of God, Jam. 1. 20. that is, a wrathfull person, (especially in a wrathfull [Page] passion) is very unfit to do the will of God, either in works of Religion, that require a quiet and peaceable heart; 1 Tim. 2. 8. or in works of Righteousnesse, that require an equal and dispassionated judgement, 2 Chron. 16. 10.

11. Wrathfull distempers2. With Man. also dissweeten our society with men: Needs must others less comfortably come near us, and we less honourably converse with them, if we shall (though but in some degrees) resemble that Nabal who was so froward [Page] (as his Servants said, and none is able to shake off what Servants say truly, Job 31. 13.) that a man could not tell how to speak to him, 1 Sam 25. 17.

12. Adde to this, that3. With our own Consciences. the comfortable society with our selves, and our own Consciences is hindred while we give way to those passionate words and carriages wherewith the Conscience, upon serious and sober consideration cannot choose but be much grieved, 1 Sam. 25. 31.

13. Now why should [Page] we have any fellowship with that which darkens and disturbs all fellowship both with God, and Men, and with our own Consciences?

14. Not that all comfortComforts in crosseness of nature. is lost by the crossenesse and cursedness of our nature; Divers belong to God that are very unpleasant and troublesome to M [...]n. God hath some knotty timber in his Carmel; All that serve him are not like his Servant Moses, Numb 12. 3. (you may find me [...]ker men on Earth, (haply) in Hell too, in regard of natural [Page] meeknesse) but some as Jonah 4. 9. Jonah. And yet to speak the truth (not to protect Perverseness, but to support those that groan under the Burthen of it) the harshest Good-Christian is better than the sweetest either Heathen or Hypocrite; and the worst Childe God hath is better than the best the Devil hath.

15. But though sincerity of Heart, and sowrnesse of Carriage may stand together, yet they stand as two Enemies in the Field, and many sad Fights there [Page] be in that divided-heart that is the seat of that War, the reason whereof is, because the one Enemy, I mean a crooked nature, is so unweariable; and the other, that is, the 2 Pet. 1. 4. divine nature, the grace of God, the Rose among the Thornes, is so unconquerable, and so irreconcileable.

16. This combate, hard as it is, is often the best hold that a Christian hath, and is so necessary a fruit of Sincerity, that they never feared God truly that endured their inordinate passions [Page] patiently. Impatience, with others is their fault, to bee impatient with themselves for it, is their comfort.

17. Yet trouble with our Frowardness is the more uncomfortable part of our Comfort; To God all things are possible▪ and, howsoever we can no more quite put off our Naughtiness here, than our Natures, yet by prayerThe cure of Impatience. and care (Gods power, and Gods course) this disease may receive some competent cure.

18. To this cure, it conduceth much; First, [Page] seriously to consider Gods providence. Secondly, to call to mind our own faults. And Thirdly, to commune with our own hearts.

19. That divers molestations1. Consideration of Gods providence. arise in our affairs, may be the fruit of our▪ own Improvidence, and then our anger should abide at home, but (howsoever) divers cross [...] things there are inwrapt within the course of divine providence, wherein (therefore) a perverse Impatience amounts to this, the▪ charging of God foolishly▪ Job 1. [...]2. That which is [Page] crocked cannot be made streight, Eccles. [...]. 15. the more need had we to set our selves streight, for if they be crooked and we too, though God can make their Crookednesse end in his glory, yet ours will end in our own smart.

20. Besides that, they that can bear nothing forget why they were born, for, Man is born to trouble as the sparks flie upward, Job 5. 7.

21. Withall, our own2. Of our own faults. faults, (both past and present) feelingly mind us of forbearance in the [Page] faults and wrongs of others: we do not only need Patience (for) others, but (in) others; if they need ours, consider also, that we exercise theirs, Eccles. 7. 22.

22. As the considering3. A Communing with our own hearts. of our own faults perswades Patience, so communing with our own hearts, works it; I mean communing, not in our fits, (for then Passion is the Judge, and nothing is pleasing but what pierces) but on our Beds, and in cool blood, for then Reason is the Iudge; then God is the Judge, and it [Page] is for Patience that he passes Sentence; He is not in these windes and earthquakes, and fires, but in a soft and still voice, 1 King. 19. 11, 12. They that commune with their own hearts most, are like to chide least, for the upshot of that is, Be still, Ps. 4. 4.

23. To these may be4. A friend to us, and an enemy to our frowardness. added as an happy help, a patient and prudent Friend, what would David have done if Abigail had not been? If a VVoman may prevail so much with a Superiour, why not a Man with an equal, [Page] with an inferiour? if not, while the fit lasts, yet that it may not last; Passion is but the turning of Reason out of office. Now as the Flatterer takes part with the Beast in Man, and the sensual part, so doth a true Friend with the understanding part, Plutarch de Adulat, & Amici discrim. and a Christian Friend with the regenerate part. Hence, (by his help) Reason and Grace is restored, and Passion expelled.

True it is, that Patience is an hard task in a cholerick temper; the more need had such of greater [Page] care, and wiser company, and (to say all) to make the more earnest Prayers, and as faithfullPrayers. as earnest; for what Heart is so rebellious and impetuous but He can put bounds unto it, who saies unto the Sea itself, Hitherto shalt thou go, and no further, and here shall thy proud waves be stayed? Job 38. 11.

24. But as Society tries3. Wisdom. our Zeale and our Patience, so it puts us much to the proof of our wisedome, and that both in matters of Religion and Relation.

[Page]25. And as concerningIn matters of Religion. matters of Religion, both in the cariage of religious exercises, and of religious conference.

26. Religious exercises are as necessary as it is to depend upon God for the prosperous cariage of our affairs; for God will be depended upon in his own way; It is the base and atheistical opinion that people have of having to do with God (as if it were but so much labour lost) that makes them grudge the time for holy Duties, and make as if a day of [Page] humiliation would undo them. Look upon prayer as a familiar communing with the most glorious God; Gen. 18. 33. as the Supplyer of all wants; Luke 11. 9, 10. as a Shelter from all dangers; Ezra 8. 21, 22. as the Setler, Sanctifier, and Prosperer of all Businesses; Gen. 24. 12, 15, 7. and is it possible to neglect it? Worthy thoughts of better things will shift for time, and devise wayes whereby to enjoy them, onely Infidelity abandons Duty.

27. Let it be the shame therefore of those that professe themselves Believers, to think that Piety [Page] is against Profit, and that there is no gain in Godlynesse; yet times for our general and particular Calling should be discreetly divided; religious1. In religious exercises. exercises should be fitly ordered, and those Prayers (in particular) that are made with others should be framed according to the State and Condition of our Family or Company; Not so hard and high as that the Simple cannot understand them; 1 Cor. 14. 16. not so simple and insufficient as that they that have understanding cannot relish [Page] them; Jer. 48. 10. not so long as that the weak cannot bear them; Mat. 9. 16, 17. nor so short and overly as to nourish Security, and to accommodate Unghostly men in their aversnes from holy Duties by the sleightnesse and cursorinesse of them.

28. As for Christian2. In Christian conference. and Spiritual conference, and that continual, (as opportunitie shall offer it self) it is both the duty of men faithfull, who are called upon to exhort one another daily; Heb. 3. 12, 13. and the character and mark of men fearing [Page] God, who speak often one to another, Mal. 3. 16.

29. Yet difference is to be made between Persons and Persons; Some be Superiours in age, abilities, office, before whom it becomes Inferiours rather to offer things to consideration, than to affirm; Some are weaker, and of better hearts, others wiser and of better parts; good and ghostly things will be accepted of those, but wiser things as well as better must be brought to these, for though they approve all holy things, yet they relish [Page] higher. Again. Some are willing and able to speak of better things, (and haply not able to speak well of other things) to these come purposely to talk of God and Heaven, and do it plentifully; but give not Weaklings more of Spiritual conference than they are able to accept; rather mix (as Sawces) civil, moral, pleasant, (but some way profitable) speeches; yea, if men be so unghostly and Ungodly, that religious conference will not be admitted, joyn with [Page] them in civil, to prevent prophane.

30. And distinguish also between Times and Times; between a private visit, (wherein Christians shall do well to sit together on Earth as Saints in Heaven, and to poure forth themselves one to another in the fulnesse of Spiritual discourse) and a common feast, wherein though they ought principally to intend Gods glory, 1 Cor. 10. 31. yet they are permitted also to chear up themselves with such things and words as are suitable for [Page] [...] refreshing of the out [...]ard man in an human [...]: Gen. 43 34. Judg. 14. 12. Not but that [...]en in such meetings [...]ere should be a mixture [...] better things, (and [...]me be so happy as to [...] merry and wise too, [...]d to convey pious [...]ings with pleasure and [...]th power also) I say, [...]t but that in such mee [...]gs there should be a [...]ixture of better things [...]hats no Christian mee [...]g that shuts out Christ) [...]t in other meetings, [...] when people be more [...] both to speak and to [...] ear things spiritual) [Page] a greater measure.

31. Such cautions being observed, they that fear God do like themselves in speaking often one to another. Mal. 3. 16. But often is not all; Christians must be good and wise; Goodnesse speaks much, and Wisedom speaks well; and very well it should be, because when they that fear God speak often, God still stands by with his book of remembrance; Mal. 3. 16. and how wise should the Speaker be when God himself is the Noter.

32. That Christians may admonish one another, [Page] the word of God must dwell in them; Col. 3. 16. Its the great fault (I do not say of Christan but of) Christians - conference, that they speak out of their own heads, without their books or their guide, their Bible or their Pastor, and of those things most whereof the Scripture speaks least; indeed of things curious and disputable, rather than necessary and profitable: A thing the more to be both marked and feared, because the spending and ingaging of mens time and talk, and wits, and [Page] zeal in niceties and more refined Speculations, tends—1. to a sleighting and a kind of loathing of the plaine and maine things of Scripture, as [...]oo low for so great Proficients to look upon: and 2. to a separating from [...]he Churches of God, as [...]oo corrupt for men so ghostly to abide in.

33. To prevent this the better, as the word of God must dwell in us, so it must dwell in us richly, that we may not need to rove other where to make our selves rich in Religion. Now because [Page] men may talke much of Scripture, and yet talke but little Scripture; (for Scripture is not it self unless taken and spoken▪ in its right sense) therefore▪ the word of God must not only dwell in us richly, but rightly, and in all wisedom, Coloss. 3. 16. that is, with a right and judicious interpretation and apprehension, that so we may the better, when we meet together, teach and admonish one another.

34. Withall, ChristianTo edifying is required, Conference must not only abound, and be sound, but it must (as the [Page] Scripture every where speaks) edifie, that is, it must be seasonable, suitable, and so ordered and carried as shall be most for the building up of the Company before whom it is delivered.

35. He that builds1 Clearing the soil. must first clear the soile, that is, get some rights and interests, some good affections and estimations among them to whom he speaks; or (at least) be able to produce a good calling, that he may not be diverted with this sad and sowre demand, upon what acquaintance [Page] or title do you make so bold as to build here.

36. Next, he must lay 2. A good foundation. a good foundation; and not reare a high and weighty frame (such as Zeale is willing to make) upon such sand and soluble matter as will not abide a Storm. Good things had need to be so much the better laid, by how much they are worse lov'd, and he that would speak hopefully in things not pleasing to nature, is put to it to speak convincingly, for men will never receive things against their will [Page] and their reason too.

37. A sound foundation3. A [...]ight frame. being laid, he must build, not hay and stubble upon it, but what will abide tryal; for as a man would be loath that all his building should fall with the foundation, so he may be very sory too that all the building should fail but the foundation; to wit, for want of a right and workman▪ like raising his frame upon it. Wisedom is needfull for every Builder, though most for a Minister, who, though he be not a Paul, yet may be [Page] called, in respect of People, a Master-builder, 1 Cor. 3. 10.

38. The manner of Building is a material4 A meet manner of build ing. thing also; knotty timber requires the Axe much, and some must be saved with Fear, Jude, v. 23. whether they like it or no, for its sure (if they be saved) they will like it; others (happily) are so meekned and made ready by the grace and hand of God, that there's no cause why hammer or axe, or any iron or harder toole should be heard, 1 Kings 6, 7. and if it be so, he hath a hard [Page] heart that will strike but one needless stroke, on such have compassion, Jude v. 22, 23.

39. As for the fashion of the Building, wisedom is a winner, prov. 11. 30. and the commendation of a Spiritual builder is, to raise upon a good foundation, a substantial frame, in an amiable form; amiable, and yet variable. All men love not to have their Houses built alike: Some love higher Houses, and delight that others should set up in their hearts, a most spiritual and heavenly structure: [Page] others love a lower piece, and cannot be abstracted from the world, and from affairs, yet in truth they are: and upon Meditation, but not in such a height, and with such devotion, either because of the necessity of their Calling, or the propension of their minds to secular imployments and engagements: in which respect something must be yielded, and they that would edifie, must (as our Saviour speaks) tell them of earthly things John 3. 12. that is, speak of heavenly things in a more human [Page] and rational, rather than in a more ghostly and spiritual way; and (withall) so limit their Christian discourse, as to let them see that as they be willing to advantage them in regard of their Souls: So they be loath to prejudice them in regard of their Affairs. To go on, Some there be that like a Wide house, and to be left wholly to that large room which the Scripture puts them into in its general rules; others love lesser rooms, and to have the generalities of Scripture drawn [Page] down for a regular and strict course in all particulars; for where grace is lesse advantaged by natural abilities, it had need be more assisted and incouraged by outward observances. Thus there being a latitude in Religion, and God being pleased to dwell in Houses of different Forms; Ephes 2. 22. Building-Christians may not contend to have all as one, neither stand with men that are truly willing, that with them Christ should have a house to put his head in, about the fashion of the [Page] building; onely the foundation, the materials, and the maine parts of the building must be alike in all.

40. Generally, As the Constitution of the Patient regulates the Physicians Prescript; So we should observe in all religious Communications what will take, and how much: Give Christians leave to leave with an appetite, even when the Conference is pleasing; and if (haply) it be less gratefull, and carry a reproof with it, then, as the maine project of the [Page] Physician is to preserve nature, and to maintain himself a party, in the body of the Patient; so ever look to this, to preserve love: Be so wise at one time as to be welcome at another, yea so sweet at one time as to be sem for at another.

41. As Christian wisdomeDuties of Relation is seen in the exercises of Religion, so also in our ordinary relations, amongst which that of Pastors may well challenge1. For Ministers the first place; concerning whom, the Rule is, esteem them very highly in love for their [Page] works sake. 1 Thess. 5. 13. Nor is due and just estimation to be entertained onely, but (as there is occasion) to be declared; for as outward expressions without inward and real respects are reputed a Flattery; so an inward estimation, not seconded by outward and answerable acknowledgements, is in danger to be reckoned a Dissimulation. The heart is the treasury of good affections, not the prison.

42. Yet Ministers require no such respect as to debarre their People [Page] from being their private and modest Remembrancers, whether of defects or faults; Col. 1. 17. for as People have from Pastors a ministerial, so Pastors have from People a christian assistance; but its sufficient when they have to do with Ministers and men apprehensive▪ to intimate the former; and while they have to do with men consciencious and tender, to touch the latter. Not that things not justifiable should be favoured in any: but Men look to have so much right done them as not [Page] to be worse thought of than they are. Now a frequent and importunate Monitor, reports himself to have either a dull or an hard-hearted▪ hearer.

43. Christian Remembrances from People to their Pastor, as they ever require due observance, so do they relish best, when they are tendred to them (and so it is when they are tendred to any other) as acts of obedience and conscience, proceeding from them not as men affecting such an office, but as not daring to omit [Page] such a duty: its one thing to speak of things amiss (especially to Superiors) as those that are bound to do it, another thing to speak as those that are bent to do it.

44. Its good also to be sure things are amisse before a man signifie it, else he must needs discover a want either of a good judgement, or of good will, which, though the wisedome and humility of Ministers and good Christians will and should cover, yet People should provide not to discover. Two [Page] things are due to all good People, in particular; to a Pastor, Love and Honour: Love covers a multitude of things that are truly blameable: but Honour will not so much as mention that that is questionable.

45. Such things as these are requisite, in point of prudence between People and their Pastor: but the best wisedome of a Hearer is, to make the best use of his Minister, for which purpose Disciples shall do well to propound, and Ministers to accept and [Page] countenance, usefull Questions: but propounded they should be at fit times without molestation, and urged with modesty, as by those whose meaning is not to maintain an Argument (theres difference between a Disciple and a Disputant) but to obtain an Answer.

46. Upon such Proposals, Ministers do for present (as need requires, and as occasions permit) debate the matter, and perhaps deliver their judgements, which people are reverently to receive, [Page] and to entertain, as those that are willing to take resolution as well as to seek it; not but that they may examine any mans judgements (as the Bereans did Pauls Sermon) by Scripture, or by Reason; but not oppose it by mere opinion. I grant indeed there may be some belonging to a Ministers charge of extraordinary parts, knowledge, and judgement, to whom therefore more is to be granted; but (to speak of that which is ordinary) it is not equal nor modest (when Teachers [Page] and Scholars conferre together,) for the Scholar and Disciple to oppose judgement with judgement, nor to be high and peremptory, (though with some shew of reason) for if the Teacher have not better reason for the present, yet he may have.

47. But whatever Pastors and Teachers say for the present, yet as preaching is a Ministers principal task, so is it a Hearers highest help; what Hearers propound, Ministers do (perhaps) more observe than answer [Page] when they propound it, and choose rather to speak better in publick, than more in private; and publick Sermon-solutions are absolutely best, (unlesse in some private and personal Cases) as being—1. more general; what1. satisfaction I alone should have in private, many by my means and proposals have in publick—2. more 2. full; and (by reason of study and meditation) more full of sufficiency than those can be that are delivered suddenly—3. and more effectual; 3. [Page] by informing the mind, and satisfying the conscience, as being held forth in Gods principal Ordinance, to which he hath promised his special presence and blessing, Mat. 28. [...]0. and with the prayers of the Minister and the whole Congregation that that blessing may be bestowed.

48. Yet the occasions, gifts, and dispositions of men being different, and some being more addicted to Discourse than Meditation, (and more happy in it also) nothing can be [Page] here certainly defined, nor is it needfull; for the wise and carefull Christian will quickly see what he may have, and how he may best have it, and accordingly manage the matter so as to obtain his own best assistance, with his Pastors best acceptance.

49. Next to the Minister,2. For Neighbours & Friends. our Wisedom will be well imployed in carrying our selves commendably to our Neighbours and Friends, whether called by the grace of God, and sanctified, or (as yet) uncalled.

[Page]50. With those that are truly good, we shall do well to converse—1. with1. more familiarity and openesse of heart, as being of one houshold, Gal. 6 10. however Un-united by external allyances;—2. with2. intireness of affection as being children of one Father, 2 Cor. 6. last. whatever outward distances there be; Ps. 119. 69.—3. with respect to edification, as being Servants3. of the same Master, for whose use we ought to improve one another; In this regard, the sum of our Duty is, to assist in Persons regenerate, the [Page] part regenerate, and that according to that good and perfect, and acceptable will of God, whereby the renewed mind ought to be guided. Rom. 12. 2. A thing the rather to be marked, that our Zeale in the pressing of Persons well affected, may be imployed with respect to Duty, not Phansie▪ so as to nourish grace in them, not humour; and so as to beat down sinne in them, not civility and humanity: In brief, that that is contrary to Gods word, not our way.

51. As for those that are Un-called, the rule is, [Page] to carry our selves towards them wisely; Coloss. 4. 5. It sufficeth (in a sort) to carry our selves towards the good innocently, but as for those that be without, as all Un-converted persons are in a true and a sad sence; Mark 4. 11. Innocency needs Wisedoms assistance for the avoiding of any thing blameable, though but in appearance. 1 Thes. 5. 22. It belongs to our Sanctity and Sincerity, not to be Faulty, but to our Wisedom, not to seem so.

52. Particularly, we shall do well before unregenerate [Page] Neighbours and Friends, to carry our1. selves,—1. Innocently, then shall not they harm us,1 Pet. 3 13. then may we the better hope to winne them.1 Pet. 2. 12.—2. Meekly, for if they be bad, so were 2. we, and if we be good, so may they.Tit. 3. 2, 3.—3. Kindly, if Barbarians shew no 3. small kindness to Christians,Act 28. 2. shall Christians shew no great kindnesse to Barbarians, and Persons unacquainted with religion? if those that we wish were good were found to be very neighbourly, shall we harden [Page] them in their Condition by being behind with them in Kindnesse?—4.—4. Courteously, being affable, amiable, willing to keep correspondence and to comply with others, not against Conscience, but against natural Disposition, and the bent of our Spirits; which must be so far ordered and mastered, as that we withdraw not from Neighbours and Friends, as those that be loath to look upon them; that's against humanity: nor be sowre towards them, that's against civility: nor [Page] refrain causlesly commō meetings with them, that's against the laws of love and humane society.5.—5. Christianly, in regard of all the former, carrying them all with an aime at their Conversion; and trying them whether they may be made good by any good words or wayes of love; but not tyring them in the tryal. By such courses as these we shall either allure them to our Profession, and (if God will) gain them, or else honour our Profession before them.

[Page]53. But Friends and3. For those in the Family. Acquaintance are further off; In the Family, where our residence is most required, our prudence is tyed to a continual task.

54. Therein (haply) some are Equals; and toward1. Equals these we must carry our selves humbly, not haughtily;Rom. 12. 10. and chearfully, not dully and lumpishly; one Friend is not to be a Stone to another, out of which nothing can be gotten; but a whet stone, Prov. 27. 17. to sharpen and quicken to such conference and converse as is [Page] both pious and profitable, both for the advantage of their Souls and their affairs.

55. Others in the Family are Inferiours, towards [...]: Inferiours. whom we must be carefull to exercise Religion, Justice, Patience:—1. Religion in the countenancing1. of that that is good, and discountenancing of every thing that is evil. It is not to be spoken how much good Superiours do by casting their favours upon them that fear God; and their frowns upon the Sinnes and corruptions of their Ps. 101. 4, 5, 6, 7. [Page] Charges.—2. Justice, 2. The care of those that are not equal (but advanc'd above others) is to do that that is equal; Col. [...]. 1. trembling to abuse their power and preheminence to oppression. Job 31. 21, [...]3.—3. Patience and condescending,3. and that so far as to let my Servant know, that as I am his Master, so Reason is mine, and much more Religion. Job 31. 13.

56 The nearest Familyrelation, and the dearest, is that of man and wife,3. Man and wife. wherein Love is the wifes due, and Subjection the husbands; Honour is a [Page] thing belonging to them both; 1 Pet. 3. 7. to the husband as the Worthier, to the wife as the Weaker; as a costly piece of Plate is laid up choycely, and a curious Glasse handled tenderly; the one because of the value, the other because of the beauty and bricklenesse.

57. Its an easie matter for the Wife that is the lesse and the tenderer, to love the Husband; butEphe. 5. [...]5. Col. 3. 14. of greater vertue for the Husband (that is the higher) to love the Wife, and of especial efficacy also, turning all the [Page] wheels in the Wifes frame for the Husbands use; for Love in it self is an amiable and attracting Vertue, but withall it includes an estimation; hence the love of eminent men is a Rarity; for they look upon what is in others as great Merchants upon petty Markets, wherein there is nothing but things too poor for them to prize. Now Estimation is the greatest encouragement to Action and Accommodation; the Wife therefore discerning her self to be a Person priz'd and her [Page] Husbands delight. Delights to do that onely (and all that) that may accomplish the Husbands desire.

58. A Husbands love will never take away the Wifes fear: Eph. 5. 33. Vertue begets Reverence (especially in those who do not onely behold the beauty, but enjoy the benefit of it) and love is the Husbands proper Vertue: Familiarity may breed Contempt in a political and civil distance, but not in a conjugal; which is not like the head politique and the body, in [Page] which either part uses too much to shift for it self, that to maintain an honour, and this to obtain a benefit: but like the head natural, and the members that are so indeared, that the head is never in dammage of contempt for dealing kindly with the inferiour members. Besides, that God so blesses what he requires in the Husband, that is, intire love, that it shall never hinder him of what the same God requires in the Wife, that is, hearty and seemly respect.

59. As Love must be [Page] the Husbands study, so is Subjection the Wives duty, I say, Subjection; a sad word, but a thing not only easie, but sweet, if the Husband mind his duty first; The Husband loves, the Wife serves; and who are not Servants most willingly when they are lov'd most dearly? Love was never yet known to be a Tyrant. Besides, in him that guides and carries things by his Command the ability is required, and by him the adventure is born; the Wife hath the ease to walk onely in the [Page] way chaulked out, neither cumbred with the managing of the business, if it be difficult, nor blamed for the successe, if it be disasterous; Adde to this, that it is the custome of Love in the Husband to put the Wifes counsel into his own Command, and so to obey him, is to please her self, and to fulfill her own mind.

60. If it so fall out, that the Husband be more imperious than wise, and have more mind to rule than to love, it sends the sad Wife to [Page] see why she chose him, but doth not privilege her to disobey him; here her Wisedome must facilitate her Subjection, which in stead of denying Obedience, prevents Commands; for which purpose, if she foresee any thing unlawfull, her piety pleads for the prevention; (and that so, as to take no Nay) if unreasonable, her wit; if unpleasing, her interests; and by these means (but ever with prayer to God, for though it do not belong to Wives to rule their Husbands, yet to God it [Page] doth) I say, by these means, the matter is like to be well amended: If any thing be yet heavier▪ that will not make Disobedience lawfull, but it will make Obedience laudable, and much more thank-worthy: 1 Pet. 2. 19. and its like to be as profitable to the Wife, as commenlable in her, the doing of what God requires of her, being the onely way to change and mollifie her hard Husband, not onely because meeknesse and submissiveness hath a melting quality in any heart that can relent,Judg. 8▪ 1, 2, 3 [Page] but because where Gods will is performed, Gods power (that is able to alter and order all things and personsPhil. 3. 21. Prov. 21. 1.) is more hopefully expected, and the more like sooner or later) to be obtained.

60. Nothing more alienates Maried▪ persons than the studying of each others imperfections and errours, which as they should keep as much as may be from others eyes, so from their own thoughts; the observation of them is too much for others, the meditation for themselves.

[Page]62. The best way to live comfortably (therefore) is, for the Wife or Husband to look upon their own faults, but upon the vertues or perfections of their comfort; the first of these begets Patience; the later maintains Love.

63. Wilfullness is a fault inexcusable every where; but if a Wifes Weakness raise up stirs and debates, that's the Husbands fault, for why is he a Man (indued of God with more knowledge) but that he should dwell with his wife according to knowledge, 1 Pet. 3. 7. [Page] that is, according to that knowledge that is in him, not that infirmity that is in her, using his wit for the covering of her weaknesse? or why is he a Husband, but to put a veil over, and to cast an honour upon the weaker part of himself? and equal it is that he should be a covering tob Gen. 20. 16. her when she needs it, who, when she needs it not (and out of the case of weakness) is a crown to him.

64. To summe up all Man and Wife should live together as Fellow [Page] heirs of the grace of life, 1 Pet. 3. 7. and those that stand God-ward, and Heavenward, in an equality; if life belongs to him, so doth it to her; if grace help her to that life, so doth it him; if he be an heir of this life, in that she is his fellow. This should make the Wife bear her Subjection with much more meekness, and the Husband also to carry his Superioritie with much modesty and mildness.

65. Yea, both of them to use Mariage-contentments with much moderation, [Page] to wit, as those that are to live together but for a while here, but hereafter for ever; and that after another fashion; for the fashion of this world passeth away, 1 Cor. 7. 29, 31. & no estate here affords any other than a perishing com fort; and a poor also, as being of too low a nature to be heard of when once we come to Heaven, Lu 20 35, 36. and why should we that are appointed to heavenly glory, engage our affections in those pleasures that are altogether unworthy that place, and not rather enter [Page] (as much as may be) into acquaintance with those comforts which we shall never shake hands withall, but have a full fellowship with hereafter? Meat and Drink, and Mariage, are for our need (while we are here below) rather than for our honour; it becomes us not (therefore) to lye down, and wallow in them, but to lap (with our hands) and leave, Judg. 7. 5, 7. reserving our hearts for and setling them upon the glories of that place, wherein, they neither marry, nor are given [Page] in mariage, but are as the Angels of God.

66. If the Family, be blessed with Children, God must be blessed for them, Gen. 33. 5. and thankfullnesse must be shewed in carrying the course of our dealing so with them, as to sit them for1. Children. his use, from whom we have them. In this care, the whole Family (if it may be) should concur [...]e, (the unregenerate part gets strength, if there be but a Servant to hold with it) but (however) Father and Mother should perfectly [Page] agree together, that children may not take a boldnesse to themselves in things evil, by discerning (which they are quick to do) a protection for their Unjustifiable wayes in Parents discords. Joynt Opposition masters Corruption, but Family-faction is the bane of Education.

67. The rule of this Education is, Teach a Childe; Prov. 22. 6. Its true, such cannot understand what is taught them in the things of God; nor did Christs Disciples underderstand [Page] divers things that he taught them while he was amongst them; Joh. 2. 22. Its well that the seed is sown, and good things lodged in the heart; the fruit must be expected; and when the Spirit comes (that quickeneth all things) it will be produced from that very seed that in Childhood was received, Prov. 22. 6. nor shall they depart from that very teaching when they be old, whereof they seemed to take no notice when they were young; Not but that (divers times) i [...] [Page] falls out otherwise: but the course (for all that) is Gods course, which he will make effectual according to his own counsel, and which (if it reach not further, yet prevails ordinarily for some good restraint, 2 King. 12. 2.

68. The best time and wayes of instruction, Parents themselves (that mind the duty) will well discern, onely the thing must be done, and neither idlenesse and dullness, nor averseness from better things (when twice so much time is spent in [Page] impertinencies) nor an indisposition to that particular duty, nor worldlyness and business (which is so presented by Satan, as if half an hours Catechising were an irrecoverable impediment) I say, neither these, nor any the like things should hinder the bringing up of Children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

69. Unto instruction, correction must be added, that puts in wisedome, this drives out folly Prov. 22. 15.; of this Correction there must be,—1. a clear cause, to1. [Page] wit, the childes foolishness, not the correctors frowardness;—2. In it there2. must be a calme heart; it is not good to give a Medicine scalding hot; and—3. ejaculations3. and prayers to God do well with correction; for the rod is not onely an instrument, (fit in reason, to do a childe good) but an ordinance appointed of God for that purpose, unto which also God hath annexed a promise that it shall drive out and scatter, even Fast-boundfolly; Prov. 22. 15. now every promise bespeaks a prayer. 2 Sam. 7. 27.

[Page]70. It belongs to Parents to lay up for children, 2 Cor. 12▪ 14▪ but withall, to make them able (in a way wherein they shall glorifie God and profit others) to lay up for themselves; This is done by disposing them into a sit and usefull calling, with respect to the abilities God hath bestowed on them, and the inclinations he hath planted in them: for their condition must not appoint their calling, but their Talent; A man must not seek out such a Calling as will provide best for him, but [Page] wherein he shall do most for God: Not but that a man may look to live by his Calling, and according to the charge of Children he hath, to lay up with it: but first seek the kingdom of God, and the glory of God, that other things may (and then other things shall) be ministred and added. Mat. 6. 33.

71. Disposition in mariage is (for Parents) the highest duty, and for Children (being well discharg'd) the happiest, wherein the principal thing to be regarded is, [Page] the fear of God: for let the World esteem or disesteem Religion as they please, yet this is the Sentence of Scripture, Favour is deceitfull, and Beauty is vain, but a woman that feareth the Lord, (and its true of a man also) she shall be praised. Prov. 31. 30 Its not to be denyed but a good nature (if any nature were good) is a great sweetner of Society, and would do pretty well if man and wife were to live together onely in a humane way, (wherein vertuous Heathens will compleatly [Page] keep them company) but being that they are to live together, as Christian and Christian, that they are to walk together with God as well as with Man, and with one another, yea and to converse together as Fellow-heirs of the grace of life; 1 Pet. 3. 7. whats a good nature (in reference to these things) but the white of an egge, which hath this in it, that it offends not; but this withall, that it relisheth not? Let it be the praise of good natures, that they contradict not goodness, but is not this a [Page] deep defect that they contribute nothing to it? Good they be for the six dayes, but on the Lords day, what is there pleasant in them but their Patience? Its true that a fair nature rustles with religion in a froward, and seems to get the better; yet to them that love to live in a course beyond nature, and to see God in a Companion (not Cato, Socrates, Phocion, &c.) Grace with all its faults will be better than refined Nature: A piece of Gold is better though it needs its allowance, than the compleatest [Page] piece of Silver, and fretfull Jonas will be found more lovely than the meekest Mariner, or the sweetest Nin [...]vite.

72. The next thing to be looked at (after the religion of a Consort) is the good discretion; for Wisedom exceeds Folly, as much as Light exceeds Darknesse. Eccles. [...]. 13. This is true in all, but in those especially of better parts. If a Daughter be to be disposed of (of more worth) nothing is more to be feared (next to an Ungodly) than an Unworthy Husband; for the duty [Page] of a Wife is to be subject, and with what patience shall wisedom be subject to Folly? It may better be born if there be eminency of gifts on the Husbands part, and infirmity on the Wives; and yet, this is a business also, for a Husband ought to love his Wife, and there's such a distance between Wisedome and Weaknesse, that there will be work enough for a more than ordinary Wisedom to love (with a Husbands love) a Woman of more than ordinary Weakness.

[Page]73. After this, Mariage-affection requires a pleasing person, I say after this discretion, which is of the greater consequence (even in the matter of affection) than an external amiablenesse is; for this is the difference between Discretion and Beauty, that Discretion is a thing still continuing and still thriving; hence the love grounded upon that, both stayes and growes: but Beauty may be gone suddenly and (howsoever) is going continually; hereupon, the affection must needs fall [Page] with the foundation; yet it combines on both sides (in her especially that is to be the desire of a mans eye, Ezek. 24. 16, 18.) of no small importance, which, suppose (erelong) it loose its lustre: yet divers things that will not abide to the last, may serve for the rooting and setling of affection at the first.

74. Nor is a Patrimony and Portion to be contemned where a Family and Posterity is to be raised; Fathers must not onely lay out, but lay up for their Children, 2 Cor. 11. 14. [Page] and it is not easie, nor a thing so likely that they should lay up much who begin with nothing: Besides, we would be willing to live so, as to expresse Vertue, and draw a just reputation from others by the beames of beneficence dispers'd from our selves; now though Wisedome and Vertue be truly, yea and eminently good in it self; yet it is evidently good with an inheritance, Eccles 7. 11. in which regard, howsoever a worldly portion is justly reckoned a very bad Leader, [Page] yet neglect not to look upon it as a usefull Follower.

75. All these things doe in special manner concern the Parties themselves that are towards mariage; onely Parents are to see that they doe not (out of self will and imperiousnesse, or for vain and worldly ends, or out of self-respects) hinder their Children from walking in, but rather do all they can by their counsel and authoritie, to guide and carry them in a right and regular way [Page] in a matter of so great importance. When God hath given Children unto them, as his Trustees, a chief part of their care lyes in this, to take [...]eed how they give them away, and into what hands they put them for a continual, and perpetual abode.

76. Mariage being according to these (and the like) Rules religiously managed, as it is an estate honourable in it selfe, and in Gods account, so shall it be1 Pet. 3. 7. honourable also in the [Page] judgement of all those that do impartially observe it, yea and in the Consciences of those Men that do ungroundedly oppose it.

FINIS.

[Page]

§

[Page]

CHRISTIAN AND CONJUGAL COUNSELL OR, Christian Counsell, applyed unto the MARIED ESTATE.

By Will. Thomas, Minister of the Gospel, and Rector of the Church of Ubley.

Heb. 13. 4.

Mariage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled.

Bernard. super Cantica. Serm. 66.

Tolle de Ecclesia honorabile connubium & [...]um immaculatum, nonne reples eam concubinariis incestuosis, semini [...]luis mollibus, masculorum concubitoribus, & omni deniquè genere immundorum?

London, Printed for Edward Thomas at the Adam and Eve in Little Britain. 1661

To the CHRISTIAN READER.

[Page]

[Page]

THese Meditations (Good Reader) were long since conceived and imparted for the use of one entr [...] into the Maried state▪ [Page] and comming afterward into more hands, the printing of them hath been long since desired, which (the World being full of Books, and my self of Weakness) I diverted, and [...]ve hitherto deser'd.

Yet fearing lest being fixed among [...] few in a private place, I should be wanting to more▪ and [...]onsidering that what I have here written is so [Page] little, as that it is not like to be tedious; and of such a subject as toucheth upon the substance of Godliness, and so may be some way profitable, I have, at length, advenred to let it see the light.

And that the rather, because I would have this imprinted in the harts of Christians, that Religion is much seen in Relations; Hence the Apostles proceeding in [Page] their Epistles from matters of doctrine to prescripts of practise, do therein descend, and disperse their directions into several Callings and Conditions, as of Magistrates and Subjects, Ministers and People, Husband and Wife, Parents and Children, Masters and Servants; Many of which are conteined and concerned in the Maried estate: [Page] Even Nature and Reason make Offices and Societie-services the tryal of Vertue, Magistratus Virum indicat it being an easie matter to creep into a Cell, and under a pretence He that will prove his yoke of Oxen proves them best by putting them into the yoke, Luk. 14. 19▪ with 2 Cor. 6. 14. of Devotion to serve and satisfie Selfwill: but to appear in the sight of the Sun, and to appear approved when there are many quicksighted, and some severe observers; this will find work enough for the [Page] greatest grace where it is, and too much for the best nature where it is not.

This difficulty, and the excellency of walking with approbation in the works and offices belonging to all and every one, in their particular place and calling, I am the more willing to note, because I have heard divers Godly persons complain, that having had in the Single estate much liberty [Page] for sweet and Soulrefreshing conversings with God, being afterwards maried, and having a Family to look to, they have been so forced from them, as to find a great losse in their acquaintance with God, in regard of that frequent enlarged and un-interrupted communion with him which they formerly enjoyed. But let not such who would fain be [Page] communing with God Gen. [...]8. 33. if they could, and at Jesus feet Luk. 10. 39. if they might, droop or be disconsolate, much lesse dismayed, for now (being entred into society) they come to make use of that habit, and those helps of holyness, which they got and laid up in the single estate; And this may be a Rule, that the Use of all preparatory exercises and assistances is better [Page] than the Using of them: They therefore that shew forth the power of their former religious performances, do not lose, but make a gainfull exchange, They do but come from the exercises of Religion, to the exercise, which is the end, ornament, perfection, and complement of all Exercises.

Its true as the Apostle saith, He that is Unmaried [Page] careth for the things belonging to the Lord, how he may please the Lord, that is, having not other things to care for, he is more free for it; He doth not say that every one that is maried taketh that care, or that if a man be once maried, he taketh it not, but onely that the Un-maried have an advantage, and may do it more and more easily [Page] Again, He that is maried careth for the things that are of the World, how he may please his wife, 1 Cor. 7. 32, 33, 34. but then this is to be noted that he performs a good office in it, his Care is not his Sin but his Duty; and every Duty hath its comfort and reward; Yea that care and sorrow which women are called to in the Maried estate, hath this comfort assured to it, that [Page] (their continuance in Faith, Charity, Holynesse and Sobriety being supposed) they shall be saved in Childe-bearing,1 Tim, 2. 15. that is, the conscientious and patient performance of the offices, and undergoing the afflictions of Child-bearing women, is their proper way to Heaven; for that's the work which God hath committed to them to do, Mark 13, [...]4. and the [Page] thing wherein the reality of their Religion is to discover it self.

Yet here there is need to annex a Caution, to wit, that though the external duties of religion be lessened by mariage (I mean to some, for divers that had lesse liberty before mariage have more by it,) I say, though religious duties be lessened by mariage, yet they must not be left; [Page] Christians, whether maried or unmaried must still acquaint their hearts with wisedom, Eccles. 2. 2. and be provident to preserve their Fellowship with God; They that can be content with an Husband, with a Wife and Children (and all Worldly accommodations) without God, never knew what it was to enjoy God. Nay rather, They that have [Page] Wives must be as if they had none, 1 Cor. [...]. 29. that is, in regard of their readinesse for the service of God. A Husband must not say, I have maried a Wife, and therefore I cannot come, Luke 14. 20. Nor the Wife, I have a Husband, therefore God cannot have me; but though they be not able to take (as some unmaried may) every opportunity, yet they must [Page] not neglect those they may take, nor make themselves lyable to that most sad Charge of making light Mat. 22. 5. of Gods Ordinances and gracious invitations.

But the Gate growes wide for so little an House (although it may be reckoned a part of the House, I shall hasten therefore; If any require why I publish this at this time, it might be [Page] enough for me so aged) to answer, Because every man should do what good he can while he hath time; yet something more may be said in regard of the present time, wherein the great God (whose Works are like Himself) by rare providences, I say, rare and admirable providences, both because so high and so dry, hath in such sort altered and bettered the state of [Page] things amongst us, that our rightfull, gracious and accomplished King is returned unto us, which, if our high sins, our broad and spreading prophaness, and deep security do not hinder, promiseth unto us an happy Settlement. Now, as times of trouble and persecution detain and deter from mariage, so times of peace (albeit mariage should have some further [Page] and greater reason than National rest) I say, times of peace and establishment, give encouragement to it, and consequently make these and the like Scripture-directions seasonable for the rendring of it more holy, and thereby more happy.

And to say all, though this advice reflect on the maried estate, yet it is not so appropriated to it, [Page] but that there is use of it, as there is of that godlyness and regular Walking, that it perswades unto, in every estate: It is Christian as well as Conjugal counsell, and though it be composed for, and contrived into the maried condition, yet (that estate being so comprehensive) much of it may serve indifferently for Christians in every Condition.

[Page]Desiring thy prayers (Christian Reader) that the Author of the Counsell (or rather the weak Instrument) may be Himself the Observer; I rest,

Thy Servant for Jesus sake, William Thomas.

ERRATA.

[Page]

Epistle, P. 4. concentred r. concerned.

P. 27. Christan, r. Christian.

P. 41. Col. 1. 17. r. Col. 4. 17.

P. 69. l. 8. damage, r danger.

P. 63. l. 7. comfort, r. consort.

P. 84. l. 8. rustles, r. justles.

P. 88. l. 2. it combines, r. is comliness.

The Matter of the ensuing MEDITATIONS Summ'd up, and referr'd to the several Numbers and Partitions of them: WHEREIN—

[Page]

1 Mariage dignity and duty is generally mentioned. N. 1, 2, 3.

2 Four Requisites in Mariage.

1 Zeale in Religion. N. 5.

2 Patience in all Occasions. N 6. where is further declared concerning Impatience—

1 The evils of it, as being an Enemy to comfortable Society,

1 With God. N 9, 10.

2 With Men. N. 11.

3 With our own Consciences. N. 12.

2 Supports for those that groan under it. N. 14, &c.

3 The cure of it. N. 17. Viz.

1 Consideration of Gods providence. N. 19.

2 Of our own faults. N. 21.

3 Communing with our own hearts. N. 22.

4 Faithfull friends. N. 23.

5 Prayer. N. 24.

3 Wisedome: And that——

1 In matters of Religion:] Particularly, in using and ordering

1 Of religious Exercises. N. 26, 27.

2 Of Christian and edifying conference and admonition, enlarged with divers particular directions from N. 28, to N. 41.

2 In duties of Relation: Namely, relating—

1 To Ministers. N. 41, to 49.

2 To Neighbours and Friends. N. 49, to. 53.

3 To those in the Family. N. 53. Viz.—

1 Equals. N. 54.

2 Inferiours. N. 55.

3 Man and Wife: where there are divers advertisements for both. N. 56, to N. 66.

4 Children, to whom Parents owe

1 Instruction. N. 66, to 69.

2 Correction. N. 69.

3 Disposition into a Calling. N. 70.

4 Disposition in Mariage—to a Consort religious, discreet, with respect to Person and Portion. N. 71, 72, 73, 74.

Information about this book

Title statement

Christian and conjugal counsell, or, Christian counsell, applyed unto the maried estate by Will. Thomas ...

Thomas, William, 1593-1667.

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1661

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2005-03 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1).

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A64571

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Wing T986

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ESTC R10060

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13286731

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ocm 13286731

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98815

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— Christian and conjugal counsell, or, Christian counsell, applyed unto the maried estate by Will. Thomas ..., Thomas, William, 1593-1667..

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[24], 92 p., [1] folded leaf

Printed for Edward Thomas ...,. London :: 1661.. (Errata: p. [24].) (Reproduction of original in Bodleian Library.) (Marginal notes.)

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