The true London prophet. Or, Comical remarkes, and predictions for the future part of this year, 1699 Infalibly fortelling what will certainly happen (whither the stars will or no) both in court, city and countrey, betwixt this and Whit-Sunday next, to which is added a discovery of many pritty intrigues that will be used among the noble society of distilers, and other traders. Also some brief touches upon the humours, and conversations of the town beau's, and city misse's, with varity of other merry and pleasent circumstances respecting these times. Being very diverting to all, and hurtful to none. R. B. 1699 Approx. 13 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 3 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2011-04 (EEBO-TCP Phase 2). A63547 Wing T2733C ESTC R208924 99825421 99825421 29803

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 Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 2, no. A63547) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 29803) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 1876:13) The true London prophet. Or, Comical remarkes, and predictions for the future part of this year, 1699 Infalibly fortelling what will certainly happen (whither the stars will or no) both in court, city and countrey, betwixt this and Whit-Sunday next, to which is added a discovery of many pritty intrigues that will be used among the noble society of distilers, and other traders. Also some brief touches upon the humours, and conversations of the town beau's, and city misse's, with varity of other merry and pleasent circumstances respecting these times. Being very diverting to all, and hurtful to none. R. B. 4 p. printed for the author, next door to the sign of the want of Money in Dull-Trade-Yard, London : [1699] "To the courtuous [sic], (not carping) reader" signed: RB. Caption title. With colophon: London, printed in the year, 1699. Copy cropped. Reproduction of the original in the Henry E. Huntington Library and Art Gallery.

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 eng English wit and humor -- Early works to 1800. 2020-09-21 Content of 'availability' element changed when EEBO Phase 2 texts came into the public domain 2008-12 Assigned for keying and markup 2009-01 Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2009-03 Sampled and proofread 2009-03 Text and markup reviewed and edited 2009-09 Batch review (QC) and XML conversion
The true London Prophet. OR, Comical Remarkes, and Predictions for the future part of this Year, 1699. Infalibly fortelling What will Certainly happen (whither the Stars will or no) both in Court, City and Countrey, betwixt this and Whit-Sunday next, To which is added A Diſcovery of many pritty Intrigues that will be uſed among the noble Society of Diſtilers, and other Traders. Alſo ſome brief touches upon the Humours, and Converſations of the Town Beau's, and City Miſſe's, with varity of other merry and pleaſent Circumſtances reſpecting theſe Times. Being very diverting to all, and hurtful to None.

London, Printed for the Author, next Door to the Sign of the want of Money in Dull-Trade-Yard.

To the Courtuous, (not Carping) Reader. HEre's no Speaking Dragon, or Weather-Cock-Steeple, Nor talkative Monkeys to frighten the People, No Tygars, nor Wolves that do ſpeak without reaſon, Such words as ſome Folkes do count damnable Treaſon Nor no barking Bull-Doggs to put us in fear But the plain Naked Truth that will happen this Year, You may Read the Book o'er for no Factions are here Here's nothing of Chamberlins going to'th Dutch, What Money he Carried 'em little or much. Nor Nothing of ſtate affairs here will I write, For fear of the Plague of a Dam'd Jacobite. But hold? I'll no longer keep you at Door, Peep into the Houſe, and ſo view it all o're, If you do but buy it I care for no more. Yours R. B.
Predictions for the Year, 1699.

AS ſure as Knavry has got the ſtart Honeſty, Poverty and Prid this Summer will Hand in Hand; and many will terribly pinch their Bellies to adorn their Backs, and other tumble with great willingneſs on their Backs to pleas their Bellies.

Whoreing will be much rail'd againſt in our Churches, but never more practiſed in Chambers; and many London Prentices will be forced this Year to eat Suffolk Cheeſe, to advance their Maſter Daughters to the Boarding-School. Honeſty will be reduced to a very low Condition, and be forced tug many a Knave by the ſleeve to put him in mind of his promiſe, (but in vain) and Vertue in plain dreſſe will be force'd to pin up Vices fine Gown for a Livlihood. Juſtice will be in many Men's Mouthes, but in few Men's Hearts, we ſhall hear often of her name, but know not where to find her, and where ſhe ought to Dwell, we ſhall not dare to look for her.

This Year will a riſe ſharp diſputes among Prentice Boys, Chamber-Maids and Cook Maids about Gipſies and Aſtrologers, which of them tells Fortunes trueſt, and after a great many nice Arguments, pro's and cons, &c. it will be decided in favour of the Saffron coloured Deviners, becauſe they diſpatch their Buſineſs ſooneſt and for leſs Money.

The Malice of Law Adverſaries will be pretty well aſwaged when the Term's over; the long Bills of Attornies and Petty-foggers will make them agree to call themſelves Fools, and their Lawyers Knaves, and will make a promiſe to renounce the Law for the future as good Chriſtians do the Devil and all his Works.

Thoſe Sparks who cuold not purchas new Choathes at Eaſter, will be glad to have them at Whitſton tide, and if they miſs of 'em then (as I am ſure a great many will) Eſpecially Women, they'll go near to beare them in their minds, nine Monthes after; a great deal of Money will this Summer be vainly flung-away on Wine and Women, and ſuch like alluring Commodites, by many boiſterous Youngſters, who have a bundance more Welth than Wit, but they • ll in a little time ſo order the matter, that they'll bring them both to an equal Ballance.

Many a hopeful and pretty Young Maid will go a mile, or two out of 〈◊〉 own in the Hollydays, and forgetting herſelf will loſe that in few minits which ſhe'll never find again as long as ſhe Livers.

Lotteries and looſe Lives will multiply exceedingly this Year; till they both become the only Pick-pockets of this Age tho with this difference, the former will do it with your Conſent and the latter without it.

Every Gardener will ſhortly be as buſſo as Father Adam in Paradice, to turn Horſe-Dung into Raddſhies, and Ram's Horn's, into Sparrowgraſs, Ay and will be verry angry too if any of the Family ſhall preſume to lay a ſirs R—ce • ut of his own Ground inſomuch that abundance of Dung-hills a'rather ſide the • ater will be mightily improved, to raiſe a Summers feaſt, but the firſt of • heir courſe muſt be ſauce for my Lady.

Many Citizens with Jealous hearts and horned-heads will this Summer be tormented with Curtain Lectures for New Gowns, Petticoats and other fine Nick-knacks, and if there Wives requeſt be not granted, they ſhall be lead as bad a Life, as a ſturdy Beggar in the Houſe of Correction.

Thoſe who have buckſom Young Daughters, muſt this Year take care to provide them Husbands, or elſe Guid them with a very ſtrit rein, otherwiſe the active motion of the Spirits, this Spring ſeaſon will beget ſuch an itch in their Tails that will make them Door on your Apprentices, or (which is much worſe) ſuffer their heels to be trip • t up by their ſerving Men the firſt oppertunity.

Punks that are poor, will begin to dread the Approaching diſmal Summer, for Conſequently an Empty Town ſoon produces Emty Purſes, and want of Money the worſt of in fam; for ſhe that had the Honour to be Debauch'd by a Duke may in a little time (except the kind influence of her Stars prevent it) be kick't by his Foot-Man, or be glad to be kiſs'd by a Porter. For many a topping Laſs (now at Guinea purchaſe) will dwindle from her Veluet-Scarff into Ruſty Lute-ſtring and will willingly be at a Coach-Man's ſervice for a caſt of his Ofice and a Quarten of Brandy, and think it a good Eveing work.

We ſhall certainly hear of great ſtrife between the Pawn-Broker and Tally-Man, about their Honeſly tho both in th • is Dealings (according to Cuſtom • ) will ſtrive who ſhould run firſt to the Devil Head-long

Farmers, like their Corn, now begin to prick up their Ears, tho they Labour between the paſſion of hope and fear; and pray as often for a dry hirveſt as the juſt Man Sins in a day, and when he has it in his Born, he will chuſe raither to let the Mice, and Weavells, eat it than the poor ſhould have it at a reaſonable price.

More Trades Men will be ſeen playing in the fields, (eſpcinlly Weavers) then working in their Shops, he that hath Money may ſpend it, with much pleaſure, and he that hath none, may ſleep under a Hedge without any danger of having his Pocket pick • d.

Weavers, as well as Jouray men Taylors, will be glad to make many a meal of Cucumbers this Summer, or elſe go to Lambs-Cunduict, and Drink a health to Duke Humphrey, and intreat Providence upon their bended Knees to take a way their Stomachs, or ſend them a ſhower of Bread and Cheeſe, for tho (perhaps) meat may be pritty Cheep, yet money will be ſcarce, that if an Ox re • d-roaſted could be for a Penny, if he wants both coin and Credit, if he's too proud to Beg and to Honeſt to ſteal, is in the midſt of Plenty in a very likely condition to go with out a Dinner.

Journey-Men Shoe-makers, Notwithſtanding the raging diſtemper of Poverty among tham, yet they'll be ſo proud as ſcorn to work on a Monday, that they may return to their work with clear Pockets, and ſafe Conſcences, and I'll ſay that for 'em the beſt of Chriſtians can't be more thoughtful on their Laſt, their Lives 'its true are but dangerous Examples for the Righteous to follow, yet by the Doctrine of the Hammer they'll make more good Souls in one Twelue-Month, than the Clergy do in Seven. This year Diſtillers will turn Negromances (alias Conjurers) and raiſe a bundance of Evil Spirits. not only from allſorts of Corn, but out of Carrots, & Turnops too which will poſſeſſe the People, as the Devil did the Herd of Swine, to the utter diſtruction of thoſe who fall under their Enchantments, or are Bewitch'd by 'em, which, will be the only occaſion of advancing Hogwaſh to the great Injury of Iſlington Swine:heards, as well as the Damage of Bartholomew-Fair Porky if they are not ſuddainly Conjured down, or at leaſt carefully bound in Fetters of forbearance by the Wiſdom of our great Aſſembly, to prevent poiſoning the Subjects.

Church-wardens will be accounted grand Knaves, by the reſt of theire Pariſh, let them look too't as well as they can, for thoſe Sinners who fall into there Clutches for anſwer the end of the Creation, will wiſh he had been Gelt; for indeed its ſomthing hard to pay for taking their own Wives Linnen up: Thoſe players who not long ſince liv'd by playing to Fool, muſt now linch out of theſe Eliment, and ſet their wits to work, otherwiſe they'll find little elſe the do, but to ly a Bed and ſtuddy their parts againſt next Micheal-Maſs to play the Knave.

There will be more Religions this Summer than ever, and yet never leſs Piety; Chliſtians will prefer their eaſe before their devotion and think the Weather too hot to ſerve God in Crouds, for which reaſon the Church will have but thin Congregations.

There will certainly alſo be a great Quarrel between Rooks and Jack-Daws, about which of them are faireſt, which will occaſion abundance of Chattring on both ſides to little purpoſe, till the Eagle under takes to decide the Differance.

Strange things will be reported this Year without truth, and belived with reaſon, and all ſides will Expect miracles to be wrought, but if nothing come on't, they muſt ſit down (tho not contented)

Swines Fleſh and Whores Fleſh will be as Common as Beef and Mutton at Leaden-Hall-Market; Eſpecially about the latt end of Auguſt, but he that wants Skill to Chooſe will Certainly be Cheated if he meddles with Either, for the one will be very incident to the Pox, and the other to the Meaſles, at which time a great many Strong. Beaſtes will be there to be ſeen, and a great many worſe Creaturs to be felt. And for Deſeaſes the Pox and Poverty, above all will be the moſt em • idemicd, and will as often meet together, as the Ague and Feaver.

Vertue and Villainy are like to meet with equal Encouragement, For as many will be Starv'd for the • e Honeſt ashang'd for their Rogeury, only with this differance Poverty ſhall take away the Life of the former without a manifeſt Crime, whileſt the Law ſhall require Evidence to prove the latter.

All ſorts of Rogues vvill be novv very Induſterous in their ſeveral ſtations to get Money, even from the the Lottery Man to the the Common Pick-pocket, and all ſorts of fools as buſie in ſpending on't, and Many a Jilt vvill play the part of a Queen in a foul Smock, and many a Knave • epreſent a ſtates Man.

Leacherous Bullies, vvil this Year be ſo buſie in Robbing Young hanſome Women of their Honeſty, that in order to be reveng'd on 'mand to prevent it, many vvill be ſo ſubtil as never to carry • ne Dram of it about 'em for the future, and by that meanes the Bully's vvill be plaguly diſapointed.

About Chriſtmas Hollidays next the Fanatcks will begin to Preach againſt ſuperſticions, Minch-Pyes, and Abominable Plomb-Porridge, &c. While on the other Hand the Church of England w ••• as Stoutly Stand up for Chriſtmas Hoſpitality, In ſhort and for a Concluſion, the Church and Diſſentrs, the Rich and the poor the Clergy, and the Laiety, Winner and the Looſer, Williamite and Jacobite, the Planitive and Defendant will not agree; For Mankind below, like the Elements, above are at vareance one with another, And a Horſe that has a biger Head than I, know's not when they'll be reconciled.

FINIS.

London, Printed in the Year, 1699.