The scout of Cockeny

The scout of Cockeny

Table of contents

THE SCOUT OF COCKENY.

From Sunny-side.

From Lochquaber.

From Tinto-tope.

Buck-haven.

From Prestoun-Pans.

Killimure.

Advertisements.

§

THE SCOUT OF COCKENY.

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NEptune being puffed up with the flatterers of the Greek and Latine Scriblers that skirts the Hadriatick and Mediterian Sea, had the vanity to swagger in the Ocean, and range about strange Coasts to increase the number of his Poetical Parasits, so with his Fish Knight Errantry, he rushed through the Straits, and turned his snout towards the North, where in half a dayes swiming he reached the Coast of Portugal, without any mischance, except a slender crack in his Lerbord Finn that he got as he passed by the Birling Islands; This did not at all startle him from his Course to the Artick Pole, but most jocundly held on till he came to the Bay of Biscay, where indeed his Godship was discovered to be Mortall; for the billowing of these Waves set his watery Stomack a tottering, [Page] and if there had not been a quack in the Navy that comforted him with one of Buchursts Pectorall Loranges, he was fair to have gasped his last, with great difficulty he rolled through that raging Gulffe, and no sooner came into smoother Water, but he prickt up his Ears, streacht his Crist, brandished his Triton with as dreadfull and huffing an Aspect as the Ale-house Hectors will tosse notched Belboes in presence of their Countrey Kindred; in this posture and rate he sneered away, seeeking for the mouth of the Channell, when straight he was discovered by a Welch Man of War, who no sooner came within distance, but our bold Brittish Gallyfoyst conceived by his snotty Beard, that he was a Hollander come from Malago, drunk with Peettersemin, and to chastise his intemperance, because it was not done with Metheglin, he immediately from his Fore castle snuffed a cast of Culverins, which did so smite the aquatick Monster upon the weather Jaw, that he was forced to turn his Tail to that thundering Storm, and by a great Fa [...]t which was their appointed signe of Retreat, he and the rest of his Briny Mirmidons run towards the Coast of France, where it was the Fortune of his Vice Admiral, that was a Fidler of Flushing mounted on a Mar-maid to spend his Bowspreet upon the Cardinal Islands, and if happly Monsiur de Fonquets Gallies of Bell-Isle had not come to his rescue, the Flegmatick Rodomontado had lost that Musick which makes the Burgamasters Annakies of Amsterdam yawn after Rope Dauncers.

From Sunny-side.

ONe of our Philosophers Wives according to the custome of the Coast-side Gossips, last night skimmered [Page] away to Bourdeux to swill of the new Wine, upon her return she touched at Goree where Opdam lies; she reports that at her being there, one Doctor Abraham Kesse wrought a speedy Cure on Opdam, both as to his Gout and Flux, the one he stopped with a new discovered Cheese made of Geese Milk, the other he disolved with a Cataplasm composed of Fish Guts: But the Physitian had but a slender reward for not prolonging the Cure, there being now no shift left to shelter his shamefastnesse at Sea: In the mean time, this cloven Mercury hath brought a shrewd jealousie upon her self, for making all that Voyage in 24. hours, and it's without all peradventure to be expected the first Oyster Boat that's cast away, but her Winding-sheet will be converted into a Tar Barrell, else the world is much mistaken of the discretion of their Justice of Peace.

From Lochquaber.

THere is a Norway Adventurer come here to Innerlochy loadened with Figs and Frontiniack, and which is strange, of the Countreys natural growth, and all this is produced from the industry of their Accademicks; the place that yeelds these Fruits is the valeys of Stravangle, and they say they cultivat the ground with no other dung but that of Solin Geese, and Italian Becca Ficki, which by a wonderfull Artifice, a little mixed with a Charme they bring upon the place, and very orderly each first Munday of the Month they squat according to their Tribes in the parts appointed by the Surveyer of the Plantation.

From Tinto-tope.

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THe Deputies appointed by the Mineral Committee of Virtuosi in this place are returned from Braids Craigs, and Bennichi, they have found as much Gold in the one as will make a Pick-tooth to the King of Fairy, and as much Silver in the other as will make a Thimble to his Queen; they were very painful in their sinking search, and they conclude by many pregnant symptomes that there is both Gold and Silver, but before they can arrive at the right Vain, they must dig within 13. Inches of the Antipods, which will scarcely be enterpized, unlesse persons of publick Spirits will advance money to defray the expense of Materials.

Buck-haven.

ONe of our second rate Adventurers is safely arrived from the Straits, most part of her Loadening is of the new sort of Hooks made of Venice Glasse, except some Furres for lynning our Aldermens Bulfangers. All the Newes that was Currant on the Realto at Venice, was a great report of a Water Combat twixt the Bottle Beer Barge above London Bridge and the Bucentaure; If it be upon a Shrove Tuesday about four in the evening, and the Thames bottome manned by Prentises, [Page] and Governed by Dray-men, the Magnificoes and Pantolonies will be at a damned losse, and they will sooner make Bowling-greens of the Dardanelloes than gain any thing by that Bargain.

From Prestoun-Pans.

YOu have here an Extract of a Letter from our Oyster Consul at Zurex Sea, viz. that after the HogginMoggin had sleept sufficiently after a plentifull Carrouse, their prudentials led them to this Cautious result (that their Navy till the Summer shall be disposed into several Harbours, but such places as are in a capacity to Steel their white Livered soules with Aqua-Fortis and GunPouder, in order to which Reer Admiral Bublikins is come to this place, his Squadron are as followeth;

The Pontius Pilate of Amsterdam, the Simon Magus of Dort, the Soutterkin of Skeulin, the Mareswin of Middelburgh, the Flunder of Flushing, the Cabaleu of Camphire, the Haddock of Harlem, the Lobster of Leydan, the Goliah of Gorkum, the Whale of Workum, the Buttered Eggs of Egmont, the Salt Eale of Enchusen, the Punck of Putta, the Skaite of Skeedam, the Oyster of Oyster-Capell, the Whyttin of Wester-Capell, the Mackerell of Mastensleuse, the Geck of Gorre, the Grains of Brewers Haven, the Stock-Fish of Halvert Sluce, the Bread and Cheese of Beverweek, the Butter of Bonkes-slote, the Haire-groat of Horne, the Beens and Bacon of Broad-wood.

A fire Ship called the Brandy of the Brill, two Pinks, the Elder and Younger Cutts built of Rotterdam and [Page] Skarlaw; this is the true number of Bublikins Fleet, his Historingrapher who is a redoubted Classick Poet in Holland, under the name of Iacob-Vander-Hogge, gave the names to all this Spungy Gallantry, for which he was rewarded with two Barrels of pickled Herring to entertain his Wife who was a Cast-away Bloom-berry Hackney; yet the Jade has turned so fruitfull there, that she frequently brings forth Litters of Souterkins. Its much to be feared that the heat of an English Broadside will make this wretched Generation of pickled Pilchers dissolve like Anchoves upon a Choffin-dish.

Killimure.

THe Provests Daughter of this place hath been labouring this two years of a most consuming Green-sicknesse, but now She is most miraculously cured by the Pyper of Clovo; for with half a dozen of Bends of a drink stoured upon Straw, he hath restored Her both to Stomack and Complexion: This same Instrumentall Virtuoso is largely as well known in the Mathematicks, as in Medicine; for with the Drone of his Pype, he makes greater discoveries in the Moon, then Sir Sydrafall doth with his Telescope: for those who tryed it, saith, they not only discover Hills, Woods, and Rivers, but Towns and Castles, and those fortified in the Modish manner, with Bastions Ravellings, half Moons, Counterscarps, and Hornworks, and Steeples with Sun-Dials: Al Italiano in point of Physick, he operateth much by Glisters without any other conveyance but his Towl.

Advertisements.

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THere is strayed out of Inch-keeth a Turky Cock thirty Inches high with Vervails of Purc-leen, bearing the Armes of Prester Iohn; who ever brings notice to Iohn Purdie Oyster Dregger in Rotton-raw, shall have three skelps with a Skait Rump till he skyt Dumplings like green Geese in May.

The History of Cyprus, by Don Pantalion Priapontado, with a Commentary of Peter Aretins upon the Oecominy of the Queens Family.

The Leep Frog, a merry Play, composed by Visiguncus Revell Warden of the Grand Signiors Mal Retiro.

If any person be so foolish as to think there is nothing contained in this Gazet, or so serious, that there's something he may be mistaken in both; however, if any can find out the right Key, our Worshipfull Senat of Cockeney does promise to recommend him as a qualified Wit, to be AEnigmatical Professor in any of the new established Seminaries for strange Discoveries.

§

Printed at Cockenay for the Company of Stationers at Earls-Ferry.

Information about this book

Title statement

The scout of Cockeny

St. Serfe, Thomas, Sir, fl. 1668.

Edition statement

1661

Publication

Publisher

Text Creation Partnership,

Place of publication

Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) :

Date

2003-01 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1).

ID [DLPS]

A62082

ID [STC]

Wing S6321C

ID [STC]

ESTC R220103

ID [EEBO-CITATION]

99831532

ID [PROQUEST]

99831532

ID [VID]

35995

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Early English books online.

Notes

(EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A62082)

Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 35995)

Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 2046:8)

Source

— The scout of Cockeny, St. Serfe, Thomas, Sir, fl. 1668..

Extent

7, [1] p.

for the Company of Stationers at Earls-Ferry,. [Printed at Cockenay [i.e. Edinburgh] :: [ca. 1661]]. (By Sir Thomas St. Serfe.) (Caption title.) (Imprint from colophon; actual place of publication from and date conjectured by Wing.) (With a final advertisement leaf.) (Reproduction of the original in the Harvard University Library.)

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