THE Triumph of WIT, OR, Ingenuity display'd in its Perfection. Being the newest and most usefull ACADEMY, In Three Parts.
PART I. Containing Variety of excellent Poems, Pastorals, Satyrs, Dialogues, Epigrams, Anagrams, Acrosticks, choice Letters with their Answers, Epitaphs, Poesies, Titles of Honour and Directions, Complemental Expressions and Addresses: also Directions relating to Love and Business, and the newest, best, and exactest Collection of Choice Songs.
PART II. Containing the whole Art and Mystery of Love in all its nicest Intreagues and curious Particulars, promising wonderfull success as well in a happy Choice as in the great Affair of Courtship to either Sex: with the Description & Anatomy of perfect Beauty.
PART III. Containing the Mystery and Art of Wheedling and Canting, with the Original and Present Management thereof, and the ends to which it serves and is employed. Illustrated with Poems, Songs and various Intreagues in the Canting Language, with the Explanation, &c.
To which is added, Instructions for DANCING with Musical Notes.
Printed for Nicholas Bodington at the Golden Ball in Duck-lane, 1688.
Licens'd according to Order
October the 6th. 1687.
THE PREFACE TO THE READER
THough sundry Essays of this nature have been made, yet there is nothing wrough [...] up to that height of Eloquence or stamped with such Perfection, but that the same Subject is Copious enough for new Undertakings, and may admit of a greater lustre: The consideration of which, and that I may still endeavour to please (especially) the softer Sex, has emboldened me to undertake this Work; to try if possibly, I may exceed what has hitherto been scatter'd abroad in the World. Great indeed have been the pains and industry of some to deliver themselves in such a Method and Stile as has charmed the Senses of many, and induced them to believe it would be altogether vain and unsuccessfull for any after them to pretend to the like. So in the days of Chaucer the Men of that Age concluded [Page]the succeeding Writers must be silent when his Works appeared; but even the following Age was convinced that their Fathers layed too great a stress, upon his Writings; though 'tis true they are to this day held in much esteem, yet more for their Antiquity and the good meaning of the Authour than any excellent Stile or accurate Fancy that adorns 'em. But least I should be censured as vain, glorious in attempting to create in others a good Opinion of what I have written, it is time I should limit my Prentensions, and tell the Reader that my design has all along been to give Birth to somewhat that might please, especially, the Younger sort; so that after many Considerations and Debates with my self what should be brought forth, my teeming Fancy grew pregnant with many Accademicall Conceits, which like the Actoms of original Chaos serrieing together, framed this Book so full of variety that I hope it will answer the Expectations of those that shall give themselves the leisure to peruse it; which if it do's I have my end, and remain, Reader,
J. D. To his worthy Friend J. S. upon the perusal of his new Book, Intituled, The Triumph of Wit, &c.
G. E. To his worthy Friend Mr. J. S. upon the perusal of his new Book, Entituled, The Triumph of Wit, &c.
THE Generous LOVER'S Complaint TO His Scornfull MISTRISS, OR PHAON to DORINDA.
A Heroick POEM.
A Dialogue between Altemor and Almira.
THis unexpected Letter, delivered me by an unknown hand, possesses me with mortal fears that my dear Almira is in danger—Ha—it says she'll meet me here this very hour—and see where she comes.—O how I revive at this blest sight!
May this Grove for ever flourish, that has been so often kind to shelter us from the prying Eyes of too severe and too officious Parents, who strive to cross our Happiness—
May it wear a lasting Green, and may these cool shades be still a Recess for Lovers; and these fragrant Banks Enamell'd with the pride and glory of the Spring, yield them a soft Repose, whilst they breathe forth a thousand tender things: But how, my dear Almira, did you scape your guard to bless me with such unexpected joy?
Not without great difficulty, you may be sure, considering how narrowly I have been watched ever since your last Letter was intercepted by my Father.
It was unhappy it so fell out, and I have mourned that fatal over-sight of mine, which was the cause of so long a separation: but since my better self. I have you in my Arms, all sorrow vanishes much like a Morning-cloud that's spent in showers.
But you had like never to have had me thus again, had I not escaped as I did; all our Joys, and all we can expect from Love, had been for ever barred.
As how—my dear Almira—Alas, I tremble at the sound of what you say—had been for ever barr'd: Just Heaven could ne'er have suffer'd such a punishment to fall on Innocents, since Love is Heavens chief Attribute—But speak, for I find by the Roses being frighted from your Cheeks, that you'ave escaped a danger.
I have so, for my Father upon the discovery of the Intreague we were carrying on, confin'd me to my Chamber, resolving out of hand to Marry me to his Neighbour P—
Death and Ruin — Cou'd he be so barbarously inclined to joyn these Beauties, fresh and gay as new-blown Roses, and more sprightly than the kindling flame, apt for Love and Mutual Joys with Age and Impotency? Cou'd he be so cruel to [...]st the blooming Spring, adorned, and smiling with her fragrant sweet, into the Icey Arms of shivering Winter, which seems in nature dead? sure 'tis impossible.
It was intended, and my nauseous Lover daily visited me; strove with Presents, and a thousand Amorous stories to make me plyant.
And did you not regard 'em? how could you resist his flattery, or be proof against his wealth?
I answer'd him with Tears, and more and more grew sullen when he wooed; protested against his Love, and vow'd to sacrifice my life rather than be his Bride: My Father chid me for my obstinacy, and laid approaching Greatness in my view; urged and conjured me by the power of his Paternal Jurisdiction over me, to yield my self obedient to his will. I answer'd him, My life was in his hand, and that he might command it when he pleas'd: But for my Love, it soared a nobler hight, and could not be circumscribed, as being free by a Charter ancient as the World: He stormed at this, and said, I Trifle with him, and [Page 5]should dearly suffer for my obstinacy: I thereupon fell at his feet, o'er-whelmed with tears and sighs, that wou'd have moved a Rock of Adamant, and begged I might be free to make my choice: or if he would not grant it, as he had given me life, next to the workings of nature, and the invisible power that infused that breath of life, which ought to act in freedom, he wou'd strike me dead, and kindly put an end to woes that might ensue: At this his Eyes shot fire, his Frowns me-thought looked like a Winter-cloud, frought with a thousand storms, at which I trembled, and look pale: But he, remorsless, told me. That in spite of all my denial and resistance I must prepare the next day to be a Bride; at which my spirits failed, and I sunk down into a deadly swoun, and in that plight he left me: For when I awoke as from the dead, and faintly reared my head, I found me in my Nurses Arms; who pittying my distress, and moved by my tears and intreaties, my vows and protestations of sacrificing my Life to my Father's anger, but not my Love, she helped me to cordage, whereby I made my escape through the Window, though at the hazard of my life, by reason of it's hight; and have since obscured my self to give you notice by Letter to meet me in this place —
And all this for worthless me—O my dear—dear Angel, what recompences can I make to such transcendant goodness, who have been the cause of all your sufferings?
Your love, and constancy, and kindness in not upbraiding me hereafter with my over-fondness, is all I ask—
Love and Constancy—why thou deservest more than the World can give; or to upbraid you with what's the noblest Virtue of your Sex, wou'd merit a punishment beyond what witty horrour cou'd [Page 6]invent—Witness, all ye Powers; and may hot Lightning strike me dead; may all the bolts of Thunder fall upon my head the moment that I prove unconstant or unkind—
I must believe you Sir, for now my Love and Fortunes are at your dispose; I'll leave the management of all to you; yet consider it is a business that requires speed, or else the Wind that blows so fair may turn into a storm, and shipwrack all our happiness e'er we arrive at the desired Port.
The Bashfull Lover's Encouragement; or, Nothing like Tryal: In a Dialogue between Pharmedon and Phoebe
PRay Sir, why do you follow me up and down like my shade, and continually cast your self in my way, like an evil Genius, haunting a guilty Conscience?
As if you knew not, Madam, the cause, or were unacquainted with my sufferings.
I know—why sure you talk in your sleep, and are insensible of what you say—Prithee how shou'd I know what the matter's with you! I have other business to mind than inquire into your affairs.
Have not my sighs, my eager gazes, the restless motions of my body informed you my mind is diseased, and that Disease proceeds from Love?
From Love! — A foolish idle fancy arising from Ease and Luxury—But with whom, I prithee, do I know the party—
Ah, Madam, you know her above all others; nor is any body more largely acquainted with her Heart than your self—
Very fine—I warrant you the party is not far off that you have been harping upon all this while—
Madam, you have truly guessed—The beauteous Angel I adore is here—And thus I fall at her feet to beg she'd have compassion on a Wretch that lives but by her smiles.
Ha, ha—Why this is very pretty—Come, come, rise, and ne'er unman your self at this rate to kneel to a Toy called Woman—Prithee, what is it you wou'd have me do for you?
Alas, I scarce dare be so bold as to tell you what I Languish for—Yet since you give me leave, I'll summon all my Courage to my Aid.
Prithee make haste and doe it, that I may see what a Champion you are, or I shall leave you to talk to the Wind, for my business requires me in another place.
Thanks kind Heav'n, for this blest moment, and ten thousand Blessings fall on her that has vouchsafed to hear me speak—
No long Prologues, I beseech you: Speak what you wou'd say, or for ever be dumb.
Fairest of Creatures! whose Eyes out-shine the Morning-star! whose Face is lovelier than the Rosiedawn, when Purple Clouds are edged with Gold—
Hey days! here's a long story to no purpose! Well, if this be all, fare ye well.
Dearest of Creatures, stay: O take not from me my Light, my Life, my Happiness! If I have offended, be gracious and chide me, but do not fly me.—
Why speak then whilst you may, and trifle with your self and me no longer.
Then know, dear Saint, I love you more than life, and long have sighed and languished, but durst not tell the cause of my dejecting sadness till you gave me leave, lest by offending I shou'd lose all hope.
And was all this whining and pining occasioned by Love? All this sadness for the love me—
It was—As for a Treasure, more valuable in my esteem than all the Riches of the Universe.
Yet, perhaps, shou'd I become your easie prize, your mind wou'd alter, and I shou'd be neglected.
Never, never, thou best of Earthly blessings; to you my Love shall stand, firm as Rocks, immovable as Mountains, and boundless as the Ocean.
Cou'd I conceit such Constancy in Man, I shou'd value the Sex at a higher rate than yet I have set upon it.
Witness all ye gaudy Fires, ye shining Lamps of Heav'n, that seed the Firmament with Light, and ever dance your mystick Round through the blew Canopy that covers us, witness: and strike me with your Bailfull influence if my Passion e'er deminish; or if I love not this, dear Saint, next the Deity that I adore.
Come, come, no more of your Conjuring Protestations—If you love as you say, what needed all this cringing and whining? cou'd not you as well have spoke out like a Man at first?—Wou'd you have Women make the Advance?—Indeed many [Page 9]of you, puny Lovers, have been so vain to expect it, and many times lost what was most desired for want of asking for—But, in brief, if you are in Love, as you say, I hope I have given you incouragement sufficient to pay me a visit at another time, and express your self further, for now my great affairs urges me to take my self from you: And I bid you adieu.
Ten thousand Blessings wait upon you: And may some Angel with a golden Trumpet sound this to the World, to let all Mankind know the joy that overwhelms my Heart.
A Dialogue between Sylva and Cloris; Or, The Promise Claim'd, &c.
Being the Mystery of Love, &c.
MY dear Cloris! how have you spent your Time this many-a-day? Methinks mine has been tedious since you left me.
Indeed our parting has not been pleasant to me neither; but I have been interessed in such a hurry of affairs, that my return cou'd be no sooner.
In what affairs was you taken up? I prithee let me have a relation of 'em.
A thousand trivial Businesses, not worth your taking notice of.
Nay, never seek to shelter 'em from your friend, for I find by your Blushing there's something more than ordinary in't.
Prithee, what can you guess of that kind, unless it be—
Nay, out with it, I find it sticks at your Tongues end.
Why, it was a business of Love; a trivial matter, or so.
You are Married then, and wou'd conceal it from me—Is this done like a Confident?— nay, I heard some whispering of it a week agon.
And so wou'd you, I'll warrant you, if you had had the opportunity.
Yes, faith, with all my heart, the sooner the better: but since it is your Lot to have the advantage of me. I shall make so bold with you as to claim your promise.
What promise, I prithee?
Sure you can't be so forgetfull as not to remember it: Was it not agreed between us, that she that was Married first, shou'd give the other an account of her Happiness, with incouragement and directions how she ought to proceed —
Why, you are not in earnest, sure!
In earnest—yes, certainly I am.
Fy, fy; indeed you make me blush—and yet I don't well understand what you say neither.
Come, come, blush me no blushes, nor pretend me no ignorance; I long to know, and won't be put off so.
I prithee, Girl, ask no Questions of this kind; I'll vow I can't forbear blushing to hear you talk at this rate; sure you did not sleep well last night.
Why, there's it; it may be I am mad, and don't know what I say: however, an honest Lass will be as good as her word.
Her Word! in what?
As if I had not told you, and you were ignorant.
Why sure you are not so foolish to think that I was any other but in jest, when I talked so childishly.
But if it had fell to my lot, I'm not a little confident you'd have been rigorous with me in urging me to a performance.
Well, fool, rather than have this pouting and reproach, I'll say something, as far as Modesty will warrant me.
Why, who asks any thing beyond it? Not I for all the World.
Why then, when my Sylvander came first to my Mothers house, under a pretence to buy Sheep, I perceived by his casting a Sheep's Eye at me, that I was the Ew-lamb he had the greatest mind to purchase.
Cou'd his looking upon you make you fancy he was in love with you?
No, no, there's more in't; for often as he sat by me, which he wou'd chuse upon any publick occasion, before he grew so bold as to desire my company in private, he wou'd fix his Eyes upon me with such eagerness, that they grew so dull and dazey with excess of transport that when he found I marked it— he had not for some time power to take 'em off: He wou'd often too let fall a Sigh in the midst of his discourse; now and then clap his hand upon mine, and draw it back suddenly, as if he fear'd to offend; nay, many times faulter in the midst of his discourse, and be so much out, that he remember'd not what he said last, and fancy himself talking to me by unawares, expressing my Name when he was discoursing with others to a different purpose; and when he was at dinner, as sometimes my Mother wou'd invite him, as [Page 12]being a neighbour, he wou'd be sure to place himself over-against me, and now and then forget, by gazing on me, what he was about, and cut his fingers instead of the meat.
And are these the signs of a Man in love?
Infallible signs of true love; for though their Tongue shou'd deny it by these, they wou'd lively express it.
But did you seem to understand him so, as he might take notice of it?
For some time I did not; but finding him restless and uneasie, and sometime to keep his bed, and pretend sickness, that his companions might not discover his Passion, and upbraid him with his weakness; I gave him such incouragement (for indeed I was not a little taken with his comely Personage and good Parts) that after some sighs and abrupt stammerings he began to break his mind in many tender Expressions; and each day growing bolder and bolder, as Lovers do, that find their Mistriss not unwilling to hear their suit, he at length plainly asked me if I cou'd love him, and wou'd accept of him as a Husband?
And what cou'd you say to that?
Why, I blushed, and made many excuses; though, Heav'n knows my heart, I was as willing as he cou'd wish.
Then you did not deny him?
No, nor positively comply neither, but referred the whole business to the discretion of my Mother, whose judgment was necessary to be consulted in so weighty affair; he knew well enough his Wealth wou'd tempt her into a complyance, and therefore made the less scruple on't.
And did he succeed?
With the greatest ease imaginable; for it [Page 13]seems, as she has since told me, he was the Man she ever pitched upon to make me happy.
There was no delay then in the business.
Not any, for in three days all things were prepared for the Wedding; and to give you an account in the proceeding of that Solemnity is needless, seeing you were an eye-witness of all that passed between us, though you dissembl'd it.
No, no, by your leave, but I was not, we are only in the Porch of your Joys yet: Pray let us enter a little further into the Mystery of your Love.
As how, where, upon what ground—
Nay, nay, never blush for the matter: Come, come; proceed, proceed.
Proceed to what! why, I have told you already as much as I know; therefore pray be satisfied.
And are these all the joys, all the pleasures, all the soft delights that I have flatter'd my self withall, when I enter into a Marriage Estate?
Yes, what more can you expect than to love and be beloved?—
But are there no tender things, no charming transports, that stupifie the Soul, and melt it into Raptures?—Methinks my fancy reaches at something beyond what you have named.
There are a thousand Joys indeed that wait on Love where it is truly Reciprocal, and mixes the united Souls of Lovers; in joys so soft and tender, that scarcely fancy, much more words, are capable of reaching 'em: Now I hope you are satisfied; or if you are not, I'll answer no more of this kind, but leave you to expect hereafter.
I am satisfied in the sense of what you mean, and by this kind embrace return you thanks.
Then it is time we part, for see the day grow old, and the falling Sun admonishes us to drive out flocks to the fresh stream. —
The Welshman lost in a Wood; or, His Dialogue, with Echo, in mistake of his Mistriss; who, in the mean time, found opportunity to Marry another, &c.
WEll, hur was pointed to meet hur Mistriss in this Vood; hur must therefore consider what hur must tell hur, Plut hur must—Why, hur need not seek long for that—Hur will tell hur hur Name was Shon-a-Morgan, Porn in Wales, come of Pighouse and Pritish plod, was have creat Hills and Mountains, All hur none when hur can get 'um, and that hur Countries was never conquer'd, put have the Victories pravely, and that hur speak true; hur have Arms and Scutcheons of her Ancestors, and give in hur crest Monsters and Dragons, was kill 'um with their Welsh Hooks very valiantly as any Shentleman in the whole Urld; nay more, was say that was place hur good-will and affections upon hur in ways of Make mony; Hu [...] will fight in hur Cause and quarrels as long as have any plod in pellies and backs; and when hur get Matrimonies and Wedlocks: Mark hur, awl hur Cozens [Page 15]was make Joys and Gratulations for hur good fortunes upon their Welsh Harps—Ha—was not hur Mistriss come yet? plut hur has almost lost hur self in these Voods and Wildernesses, and was very weary of these Journies, Voiages, Travels and Footbacks: hur was call, and see if hur can make hur hear hur— So-ho, So-ho—
So-ho.
Ha, tere was some podies yet— Hark you! here was a Shentleman of Wales—look you, desires to have Speeches and Confabulations with hur: where is hur?
Here is hur.
Here is hur—but hur knows not which way to come at hur—Pray hur tell hur where you be?
Boobie.
Pooby! was hur call hur Poobies?—'tis very sawcy Answer was tell hur that—hur will teach hur better Manners and Moralities if hur get at hur— if her get hur within the circumferences of her Welsh Plade, was swinge hur truly.
You [...]ye.
How is that! Lyes and Poobies too—Hark ye me—Shon-a-Morgan was give hur Mawls and Knocks for hur Lyes, and Poobies, and Indignities— And thus hur draw hur Welsh Plade and at hur— Why, here is no podies but Bushes and Briars— And since all was quiet again, was call once more— So-ho, So-ho.
So-ho. So-ho.—
Ha! here is hur again—Let hur see—Hur is very much mistaken now it come into hur mind, if this be not hur none Countreywoman Echo.
Echo.
'Tis very true; but hur much marvel, and [Page 16]creatly wonder how hur come to travel into these Countries—hur warrant hur follow Shon-a-Morgan for loof of hur out of Wales.
Out of Wales!
'Tis very true —Bless us all now, hur call to remembrance hur have had Talks, Confabulations, Communications and Discourses with hur in the Valleys and Mountains in her none Countrey; this was the very Glamorganshire Echo was born there, therefore hur will take more of hur acquaintance, and ask hur some Questions: —Hark hur, Morgan, was travel hither out of love and affections to Silena?
Nay.
Nay—yes very true—Pray can hur tell hur where Silena be in these Voods or no?
No—
No; where is hur then? have hur taken all these labours and ambulations in Vanities? and must hur go back as hur came?
As hur came—
As hur came—But Silena was appointed to meet hur here, and hur hope hur will do it verely.—
There you lye—
Do's hur lye?—Very well, you have priviledges and leaves to give lyes, and all the urds in the Urld—But her will not leave these vods for all that, hur will be Pilgrim all tays of hur life first; but hur will find Silena out, for hur will not go without hur.
Go without hur—
Go without hur—how! not Silena loof hur, then there is a tifle in awl the Sex—Know very well was promise Loofs and Good-wills in time creat while ago—Pray you now, hur will talk and hold Confabulations with hur no longer—Yet if hur meets Silena, bid hur make haste: And so fare hur well.
An Amorous DIALOGƲE between Richard and Nancy.
O My Nancy! I have longed for an opportunity to break my mind to you, and now I have found it.
Break your mind, Richard—Bless me! have a care of that; for breaking your mind is, if I be not mistaken, to be crack-brain'd, and run distracted.
No, no, 'tis quite another thing; a thing as different as Chalk from Cheese.
Nay, like enough; but I understand it so: yet, I prithee, to mend my understanding, inform me.
Why, foolish Girl, it is to open my heart to thee.
How, Richard, open your Heart to me!— Why, this is worse than 'tother—I hope you han't a mind to Murther your self, that I may be brought in question for it.
O! incorrigable stupidity—Why I thought you cou'd have reached further to have understood my meaning—But now I find I must loose the benefit of the fine way of Expression, and come to plain, down right dunstable.
Why that's it I'd have; I ever told told you I liked plain-dealing best.
Then, to be plain with you—by this kiss— and this, and this—I love you.
O. fy upon it, how you towse a body—nay, nay I did not think you wou'd have been so rude—
Why, prithee, this is plain-dealing; and, a dad, if I am not mistaken, I find by your simpering you like it a great deal better than whining, pining, sneaking, creeping, cringing, and the like.
Well, well, I see you will make me blush: but pray what may all this tend to?
Why only to a small, inconsiderable, trifling business, viz. Matrimony.
Nay, nay, no cramp words, I beseech you, Richard, but keep your self to the plain, down-right way.
Why then, by this kiss—and this kiss— and—
Fy, fy, nay, nay, this is unsufferable—yet methinks I can't be angry with ye for all that.
Angry! No, no; Angry quotha; you must not, shall not.
Indeed but I will, unless you tell me presently, in plain English, what you mean by all this.
Very good—Why, I intend to hug you, buss you, love you, wed you, bed you, and I know not what all.
Hey day! here are abundance of conjuring words—though I am no Scholar, I can guess well enough at your meaning.
Nay doubtless—But pray what think you of the business?
Why truly not much amiss, for I love a man o [...] Parts, that has his Tongue well hung; and is well hung in the other—Ha! what was I going to say?
Come, come, never blush for the matter, but speak if it is a match, and leave the rest to my management.
What, wou'd you have me give my consent at the first asking?
Ay marry wou'd I; what shou'd we spend pretious time in pulling and halling, that may be better imploy'd.
Indeed you say right—Well, to be short, I am contented it shall be so—Yet, to save my Modesties credit and reputation, you must be contented to think I yield against my will.
Never trouble your self for that, nor doubt, but I'll do what becomes me—Strike me a bargain then, Girl, and 'tis done.
But when must we be Married?
Why e'en to morrow morning; the sooner the better.
Well, seeing it is gone thus far, I'll leave the management of all to your discretion: and so expecting you'll not fail to fetch me at Ten, I'll dismiss you for this bout.
The Antiquated Chamber-Maid; or, A Dialogue between Dorothy and Timothy
ALas, poor Gentlewoman! to what misery hath Age brought thee! to what a scurvy fortune, though thou hast been the Companion of Noble-men, and at the worst of those times for Gentlemen; now, like a broken Serving-man, you must be [...] for favour of those that would have crawl'd like Pilgrims: but for an Apparition of the—Yo [...] that are young, and coming on, make much of fifteen and so on till twenty five; use your time with reverence, that your advantage may arise thereby; it will not tarry with you Exe signum, in me you may see the sign—Here was a face but Time, that, like the Scurvy, eats our Youth: shame on his Iron teeth, and draw 'em, for't has been a little bolder than welcome and now, to say truth, I am fit for no Man; Old Men i'th' house, of fifty, call me Grannum; and when they are drunk, e'en then, when Jone and my Lady are all one, not one will do me reason: My Little T [...] mothy too has left me; his Silver sound of Citerns quit [...] Abolish'd, his dolefull Hyms under my Chamber window digested into tedious study of other matters Well, fool, you leaped a Haddock when you left him; he's a clean Man, and a good Edifier, and twenty Nobles in Estate, declaro, besides Pigs and Sheep in posse. Well, to this dapper Man I have been eve [...] stubborn, which now I dearly repent, and hope [...] mend my manners for. O, Love! if ever thou had [...] care of forty, and wilt cast thy eyes with pity o [...] [Page 21]such a piece of Lapland-ground, hear my prayer, and fire his zeal so far forth, that my faults in this renew'd impression of my love may shew to gentle Timothy corrected and amended—Ha, here he comes: yet see how negligent, and with what a careless gate he passes by me; see how scornfully he marches from me in Querpo—Yet knowing I have deserved it, I'll venture to let him see I am a Penitent, Mr. Timothy.
Fair Gentlewoman, my Name is Timothy.
Then, gentle Timothy, hear me.
Ungentle Dorothy forbear me.
Why, Mr. Timothy, will you set your wit to a [...]eak Woman?
You are weak indeed; for so the Poet sings:
I confess my weakness, sweet Sir Timothy.
Good my Ladies Chamber-Maid, or my good Ladies Chamber-Maid, this Trope is lost to you now, therefore leave your prating; you have a season of your first Mother: Go, Dalila, you make Men fools, and wear Fig-breeches.
Well, well, hard-hearted Man, delate upon the weak infirmities of a Woman—These are fit Texts— But once there was a time —wou'd I had never seen those Eyes, those orient Eyes.
Ay, ay, they were Pearls once with you, witness —
Good, gentle Mr. Timothy, upbraid me not, they are Pearls or Diamonds, or any thing with me still.
Nay, nay, I do beseech you leave your cogging; what they were, they are; they serve me without Spectacles, I thank 'em.
O! will you kill me with neglect and disregard? If thus you use me long, it is impossible [...] shou'd survive it.
There's no fear of that; y're like a Copyhol [...] with nine Lives in't.
You were wont to bear a Christian fear about you for your own Worship's sake.
I was a Christian fool then: Do you remember what a dance you led me? how I grew qualm [...] in Love, and was a Dunce? was out at every turn [...] my business, and yet you was as hard to me as a lon [...] Pedigree.
O! be now as kind and loving as then yo [...] were.
I thank you for that: Sure I will be wise Dorothy; and as the Heathen Poet sings, I will no loose my Oyl and Labour too: you are, as I take [...] Mrs. Dorothy, for the Worshipfull.
O! take it so, and then I am for you.
I like well these tears, and this humbling [...] they are symptoms of Contrition—If I shou [...] fall into my Fit again, wou'd you not shake me in [...] a Quotidian, Coxcomb? wou'd you not use me scu [...] vily again, and give me a Posser with Purging Co [...] fits?
O! never! I will love thee longer, better dearer; I will do any thing; I'll betray the secrets [...] the whole Houshold to your advantage; turn all yo [...] Eggs into peny Custards, and see your Geese gra [...] and multiply.
I am mollified, as well shall testifie this fait [...] full kiss—and have a great care. Mrs Dor [...] thy, how you depress my spirits any more with yo [...] Taunts and Rebukes, for certainly the edge of su [...] folly cuts it self.
O, Sir! your goodness, sweetness and gentleness, have altogether overcome me! and here I vow a Recantation to those malitious faults i ever did against you; never more will I despise your good Parts; never more pin Cards and Coney-tails to your Garment; never again reproach your Reverend Night-cap, and reproach it by the mangy name of Murrain; never abuse your Reverend Person more, and say you look like Baal's Priest in the Hangings; never again, when you say Grace, laugh at you, or put you out at Prayers; never cramp you more, nor, when you ride, get Soap and Thistles for you—No, my dear Master Timothy, those faults shall be corrected and amended, as by the tenour of my Tears appears.
Now can't I hold if I shou'd be hang'd; I must cry too for company—Come to thine own Beloved, and doe even what thou wilt with me, Sweet-heart— Dorothy, I am thy own for ever—Here's my hand, and when Timothy proves false, carry him to Church, and hang him in the Bell-ropes.
The Fortunate LOVERS: or, The Happy Meeting: A Dialogue between Amarillis and Phaon.
Less than a Monarch can't your Heart subdu [...]
The Happy Choice.
A Poem.
The Bold Adventurer made Captive: Or, LOVE'S Conquest.
A Poem.
To a Proud and Jilting Mistress.
A Poem.
The Happy Adventure.
A Poem.
The Disconsolate Lover comforted at last.
A Poem.
Instructions for Female Courtship: Or, The Maidens made Capable of Wooing within the Bounds of Modesty.
MIss, you are but Young yet, and ought not to inquire into these Affairs —
Though as yet I am but young, forsooth, I hope I shall be older; and it will not be amiss to learn when I'm young, that I may be better able to practice as occasion serves hereafter.
Practice what, I prithee?
Why the Art of making Love, forsooth.
How! — making Love! — why, silly Girl, it is not the Custom for Maids to make Love; but with patience and Modesty to expect the Addresses of Young Men —
Nay, as for the Custom, I am not very well aquainted with it; but I have heard my Elder Sister who was Married the last year, much exclaim against the Proud or over-nice Female that brought up that foolish Custom which has proved so Prejudicial to the Sex—and say, if she had not in some measure dispens'd with its severity, she might have liv'd till her Maidenhead had turned to mould [...] Cheese —
Why Miss, you talk very merrily — But did she tell you all this —
Avads she did, and a great deal more than I can remember; and methinks it was so pretty and pleasing, that I took delight to hear it; — Nay you told me too, you wou'd inform me how I [Page 37]shou'd spur up my Sweet-heart, when I have got one —
I did so, pretty Missey; and to be plain with you, many a good Sweetheart is lost for want of knowing how to mannage 'em; for some are such dull Jades that they must as you say, be spurred with quick Glaunces, amorous Smiles, and a gentle squeeze of the Hand, a touch on the Foot with the Toe, and the like, or they'l tire and grow sick of a tedious wooing before they come to the end of it.
O! Gemeny — why this is contrary to the received Custom to some purpose— But pray how must it be brought to pass without exceeding the Rules of Modesty, or saving us from the reproach of our Fondness.
There are ways that a Virgin may make her Love known, and yet secure her self from the Injunction of folly and fondness.
As how, forsooth — As how — Pray let me know how the foolish Custom of staying till we are Courted, and in a manner to be forced to accept of what we most desire may be dispens'd withal, that better dayes may ensue; for certain it is, that frequently Men and maids at one and the same time have had one and the same desire, yet being restrained by fear and shame, have suffered the greatest Torments that Love can inflict, and those are not easie, when by a right understanding the Cure had been instantly wrought, and a world of Felicity ensued; and surely it must be grievous to a Love-sick Virgin, who restrained by Custom for fear forsooth of offending Modesty, that though the Remedy may easily be had, she dares not ask for it.
You are in the right on't; and many for want of a little Confidence, live all their lives languishing. [Page 38]and at last are forced to be at the Trouble of carrying their Maidenheads to Heaven, when they might have been Merchantable Ware upon Earth, had they been promoted in the Market. To prevent this, when the Youth addresses though in words, you must seem somewhat reserved; yet by fixing your Eyes now and then upon him taking them suddainly off, and blushing a little to set a better Grace upon the Matter, let him see, if he be not so dull as not to understand that kind of Love-language, that there is no Reason for him to dispair, you may the better to confirm him, as you are talking, clap your Hand upon his, and suddainly withdraw it, as if it happened by mistake; Tread softly, as you find fit opportunity, upon his Toe, and seem to start, as if something more than ordinary were under your foot, and when he takes you by the Hand to lead you, seem to stumble a little, and then grasp him fast, and suddainly recover your self with a blush as if your had offended; when he looks wishfully upon you, wink a little and turn away your Head, clapping your hand over your Eyes, and suffer a gentle Sigh to escape you; and when in the Dance he chooses you above the rest, turn aside your Head and faintly excuse it [...] yet so that he may find a yielding in your Eyes; when he offers to Kiss you, turn your Head a little and give him your Cheek, fetching a sigh at the same time, as if you were somewhat unwilling; and is he put the Question to you about Marriage, tell him it is a weighty Business, and you must advise with your Friends before you know what to determine.
Why this is to the life, and I don't doubt but I shall remember it against the time I have occasion to vse it.
This prevails insensibl, and chains a Lover more than Severity.—But see your Mother comes, we must-retire.
Memphia to Menacles: or, The forsaken Ladys Epistle to her Wanderer, &c.
A Poem.
MENACLES to MEMPHIA: Or, A Poem In Answer to the foregoing, &c.
Advice to a Dejected Lover.
A Poem.
A Pastoral Dialogue between Damon and Celia, or the Mutual Accusation.
YOu have forgot then Damon your protest,
No, I have have not Celia 'tis confest;
Can you appear so strangely full of Passion,
Have I not cause to fear dissembled Love's in fashion.
May I not Dance, or harmlesly be Kiss't?
As well I may give Garlands where I list:
That day the Storm did fall,—to be true you swno [...]
The Appointment.
A Poem.
—The Surprize—or, True Friendship.
A Poem.
Then the Cause is Love.
Dorinda.— What, my Sister!— Can it be [...]
Can this be true?
By all that's good it is—
Then thus—I fly to meet my boundless Bliss.
The true Lovers Happiness: Or, The Reward of Constancy.
A Dialogue between Celia and Damon.
The Contemplation of Vanity, or, The Decay of Virtue.
Mounsieur Galliard, or, the Humours of the French Dancing-Master.
In a Dialogue between him, Gulielmus and Julia.
BY my fat and trot it be very mush strange that me must waite at tis rate—but me be contented to have de little patience, and de rater because me have seen the finest Sport in the Varld —Me come to de great Man to day, me make de Reverance Alamode Ill faut, and he return me de strangest Sr reverence de tird time dat ever me saw.
Why, Mounsieur, you ought to bear with one defect [...]eeing every body has not the activity of your feet.
By my fat 'tis very estrange a ting dat dey vil suffer a de Man to be near a de King, near a de Queen, dey vil marr-a de understanding very mush.
Why Mounsieur, as I take it, the understanding lyes not in the Foot, but the Head, &c.
Begar you shall de Excuse a me for de Courtier alamode dere de vit Lie in de foot; Be gar de [...] is no body can be a Eiseman dat dos not make a d [...] most Excelent Reverence dat is most certaine—dat [...] de best ting in the hole Varld.
But can you Imagine the Worthies of the [...] World studied the Liberal Sciences of the foot, [...] puissent toe.
Me no believe dey did, but me tink an a [...] very vel asured dat make em all dy de vnfortunate, for if dey had tink but a de Sr Reverence dey might a live a great a vile longer.
I confess the wisdom of it; but for the Wi [...], Monsieur, can you imagine that lyes there?
Dat be a de best vit can be possible, for your vit vat is it? your vit is to break a de Jest. Dat is like dat a my Lor, dat is like dat a de Knight, dat is like dat a de Gentlehome Ha-ha-ha, dere is now one two tree very good Jests in making a de Sr Reverence, dat make a me sick wid de Laugh—and bega [...] me make a de Page, a de Lackey, and all a de foo [...] in de hole Town make a de Jest very Quick, for dat [...] be very noting.
Not to any purpose, Monsieur.
By my fat and trot me speak to de King and to de Queen to make a de Patten, dat none do teach a de Aldermen to make a de Reverence but moy self; and me vil undertake dat wid in a Twelvemont, b [...] den dey must do noting else—dey shall m [...]ke a de [...] Reverence wid de Aldermen in de Paris, and Dance [...] a Coran, a Cerebran, a Montague, and dat vil be very fine.
But what shall the Affairs wherewith they are intrusted, do the mean time, Monsieur?
Is not dis a very great Affair?—why, dis be very mush Affair, be it not? nay, me vil undertake to de King and to de Queen, to make a my Lor Maire, de Sheriffs, and de Aldermen very fine Mask.
And to write it too?
Ah-de write, dat is noting alamode—your speech two, tree yard long, dshaw give a me de Quick a de Spirit, the Quick a de Fancy, de brave Scene, de varietie of de Antimosk, de nimble a de foot—no matter de sens begar it vol be de brave ting in de Christian Varld.
Very well, Sir.
Nay, me ha like a de forgot one ting—by my trot if wee have an other Patten for de Council Learned in de Law, to teach a dem de Reverence— dat vil be very great vark, yet moy tilligence and skill in dat a de matter have no dispaire to effect it in very mush time, and dat vil make a de Law florish, and England, brave England, me warrant de.
And what will you look for in Requital for such an undertaking.
Begar me look for very mush, 'tis mush pain, and 'tis brave ting, beside me look for de Statue de Brass in de Pallace yard, when me go out of dis Varle.
Your Servant, Monsieur—
Begar me no like a dat Reverence, me vil chang dat.
'Tis the French fashion you taught me, Monsieur.
Oy 'tis de french fashoon—but de French fashoon be allways to change, and dis Reverence displeas a me very mush, because you go back vid your buttock, as if som body vod take you by dat to vat me vil give no name—Me tell you trange ting, and me [Page 58]tell you no tale—'tis great matter to make a de [...]or to make a de Lady, to make a de Gentleliome, to make a de Gentlewoman, and de Autermen, to Dance, and to make a de boon Reverence; for begar dat v [...] make a de King de greatest King in de Varle.
How Sir!—'tis Impossible that shou'd have such Power and Efficacy.
Not at all me tell you—ven dey are so busy to Learn a de Dance dey vil never tink of de Rebellion, and den de Reverence is Obedience to Monarchie, and begar Obedience is all de ting in de varle.
But Monsieur, what Musick would you govern the People by?
Why begar by French Fidles de best dat can be got.
What think you of an Irish Harp, a State Organ, or a Passionate Voice to a Lute?
Des be dull tings—make a de men Malencholique, and den dey tink on de Devil de Treason, and do any ting dat is no good—but des French Fidles do fidle all des tings out of deir heads, vid a Jerk as my foy—make a dem so fantasticall dat dey vil prove as good Subjects as any in France begar—but me can no stay longer, me have auter business vid de Lor and de Lady dat have de use of moy fot.
Nay Mounsieur, you must not go yet by any means.
'Tis no good you hold me—begar me no stay too Minuts to save a your Soul—dat is de Resolution of de Cavalier de France—Adue Madam, Serviture Gentlehome—
Wou'd any man believe there shou'd be so much folly in this Cubit square.
Do but think he's a French Dancing-Master, and the wonder will cease—
The false Shepherd rejected: A Pastoral Dialogue between Tharsis and Celia.
CElia come hither, why are you so coy?
Because ye'r false and wound my fame destroy.
I'l to another then, for I have store.
Loves Misfortune: Or, The Ʋnhappy Disappointment.
A Poem.
An Acrostick on the Name of
An Acrostick on the Name of
An Acrostick upon the Name of
An Acrostick upon the Name of
An Acrostick upon the Name of
Single Anacrosticks, &c.
An Acrostick.
An Acrostick.
An Acrostick.
An Acrostick.
An Acrostick.
An Acrostick.
And thus may you sit an Acrostick to every Name it being no other than making a Verse upon some quaint subject Matter or Fancy, answering to every Letter of the Name.
Anagrams are quaint Devices taken from the Letter of any Name that will bear them,
As, Jacobus Stuart.
Justa Scrutabor.
James Stuart.
A Just Master.
And upon this the famous Sylvester, in the beginning of Dubartus's Divine Week has Commented, &c. viz. [Page 69]
This way in times of old was in great Request, but now for the most part rejected, though understood but by a sew; as it appeared by a Country Gentleman, who coming up to London, and falling into a Club of the Town-Wits, and Supper being almost ended, one of them who had been tampering upon his-Mistress's Name, in this way to shew his Ingenuity, urged the rest that they might close with a Dish of Anagrams, which the Gentleman not well understanding the Method of it, took it to be a Plate of Tarts that came last to the Table; and returning into the Country, he in a rage turned away his Cook, because in all the time he had been with him he had not furnished his Table with a Dish of Anagrams, or at least ways forgot to call 'em by their right Name.
CURIOUS LETTERS and ANSWERS, WRITTEN In the most Elegant Stile on sundry Occasions for Pleasure and Imitation.
A Letter from a Mother to her Daughter To Per swade her from rash Marriage.
AS I have a peculiar Int'rest in you, so it is my chiefest care to study that you may be we [...] Provided for in Marriage; and since I hear you entertain many that solicit you that way, I thought [...] became me though you are at present from unde [...] my wing or immediate Jurisdiction to give you [...] caution how you proceed in that great Affair, a business upon which depends your present and fut [...] Felicity on this side Heaven, and though frequently too hastily undertaken; yet if it fortune unhappy nothing remains but an uneasie Life, and a fruitless repentance; nor is there a Cordial but Death, which proves at best but sower and unsavoury therefore le [...] a Mothers advice prevail with you not to give credi [...] lightly to the Flatteries and Dissimulations of Men whose Vows and Protestations for the most part a [...] valued no more than common Air when once the [...] [Page 71]have obtained their ends but he wary and cautious in your Proceedings; that so you may not only be accounted wise by those that you converse withall, but likewise that it may Redound to your own advantage considering that in your happiness, mine by sympathy consists, and that as a Mother whose affections cannot dissemble, I shall on all occasions be ready to bear a part with you according to my strength and ability, as well in Sufferings or Adversity, as in yonr Advancement and Prosperity: Therefore as you tender an indulgent Mother, and wou'd avoid hastening her steps to the Grave be cauteous in this affair; and so with my Prayers to Heaven for your welfare, I remain, Your Tender and Loving Mother,
The Daughters Answer to the foregoing Letter.
I Have received your Letter, and in all Duty and Obedience return you my humble and hearty Thanks, in a due acknowledgment of your Care and render Regard towards me, in being solicitous for my welfare in the particular of Marriage, nor shall my Caution therein be wanting to answer your Expectation; for I very well know the decitfulness of many Pretending Lovers, and have been both warned and armed by the Disasters and unfortunate Examples of too many of our Sex, who have rashly ventured upon a state they are altogether unaquainted with, and by that means failing of the competency they expected, & seeing too late their folly, they have become burthensom to then selves and their Relations; wherefore when I make a choice, and give away my heart, I shall move in that Affair with such caution, that I hope neither you nor my self shall [Page 72]have the least cause to repent or repine; for although I have many Pretenders; yet none of them shall ga [...] Possession till I am well assertained I am upon su [...] Ground. Wherefore intreating you to surpress y [...] Fears of this kind, and ever praying for your hea [...] and welfare, I assume to subscribe my self as [...] Duty bound,
The young Lover to his Mistriss, a Letter, &c.
DId you know how much I am intangled in Lo [...] and what Pow'r you have over me, I doubt [...] but you wou'd look upon me with kinder Eye Great indeed has been my diligence to signifie it [...] you, but it seems you were insensible of the Sig [...] and Love-Tokens I made you, which occasion'd [...] sending this Letter, to tell you more plainly that am desperately smitten ever since I first beheld you fair Eyes, and have often been about to reveal [...] self by word of Mouth, but was often dashed by th [...] awe of yonr presence; nay, though I have enforce my self to do it, yet such is the fate of Lovers, [...] words could find no passage, but stuck as it were [...] the way: wherefore intreating you to look m [...] kindly on me when I come next to your Fathe [...] House, that I may have thereby some Incourageme [...] to speak for my self, and tell you more of my Min [...] I remain,
The Answer.
YOu amaze me not a little to send me a Letter, in which you give me to understand you are in Love with me; for how can I otherwise than wonder considering your years, how you shou'd pretend to a Matter of so great a moment; but attributing it to your youth and unexperience, I shall make the best construction of your meaning, yet withal conjure you that you trouble not your self to write, nor me to read any more Letters of this kind; for if you do, instead of showing you more Countenance, I may chance to be angry, and reprove you of childishness, if not of folly: wherefore if you expect me to continue any Love towards you as being my Kinsman, let this be a warning to prevent your flattering your self any further: and so I remain,
A Lady to her Inconstant Lover.
HAd I thought you had been so much addicted to the Flatteries of your Sex, and that the falshood and Inconstancy too common amongst men, could have found a Lodgment in your Breast, common Prudence would have forbid me to have entertained a Snake in my bosom, but your Vows and Protestations had too great an Influence over my Credulity, and made me easie to be undone by surrendring the strong hold of my Affections to a treacherous Pretender to Fidelity; but since it is past recall, and I for my good Nature am betray'd and left destitute of what I once prized so highly, what now remains but [Page 74]that I lay the blame upon my self, and repine at my weakness, taking care for the future, to stand upon m [...] guard and be vigilent to keep out any crafty surp [...] zer as much as in me lies surpressing my Affection towards you, thereby to lessen the Conquest that [...] given you Pow'r to triumph over me, and be again my self: so for ever bidding you adue, I reman [...] false man,
A Passionate Letter from a Gentleman to [...] Mistriss whom he had Offended.
IF Tears and Sighs and the unfeigned Sorrows of [...] perplexed and uneasie Mind can make any I [...] pression upon your good Nature to Pardon my [...] fending you; If the low Submission and Prostration of a Slave cast at your feet can move pity in yo [...] tender Breast, look upon me with Eyes of Compassion, & suffer a Compassionate relenting to possess yo [...] Mind; let the former Kindness you was pleased [...] express towards me plead on my behalf, that yo [...] would restore me from Banishment, That you would once more admit me to your presence, that there might obtain the favour of excusing, or at least of confessing and begging Pardon for the Crime of which [...] stand charged before you, and as an expiation thew of, undergo any Punishment you shall doom mea [...] except that of being forbidden to approach the D [...] ling of my Repose, the Center of all my Happine [...] and all my earthly Felicity. And so in hopes yo [...] will look kindly upon this my low Submission, I [...] main, Dear Madam,
The Answer.
I Have received your Letter, wherein you pretend to be very sorry for your offence, the which though I resent very heinously, I must at the same time confess I should have some inclination to Pardon if I could prevail with my self to believe you are truely sorrowful for offending, and wou'd make it a caution for the future how you suffer your tongue to run at [...]andom, in discovering or rather betraying the secret Affairs of your Mistriss; however I will so far flatter my self into a belief that you are sensible of your unadvised rashness, that you will carry your self more prudently hereafter; upon which condition I admit you to plead for your self in Person, at what time I [...]ewise let you know, I expect rather an acknowledgment, and a detestation of what has passed [...]an any pretended Excuse or Justification of your Innocence, and so I take my leave, Subscribing my self,
A Letter from a Father to his Son.
BY reason of your long Absence from me, I have undertaken to write to you, to tax you with a neglect of your Duty, in not aquainting me by Letter or otherwise with your Affairs, or giving me to understand whether you are in Health and Prosperity, or not; however, if I speedily hear from you I may accept of your Excuse, and in the mean time be sure so to behave your self in all your Affairs and Undertakings, that it may redound to mine and your [Page 76]own Credit, that I may not think the Learning another Advantages I have bestowed upon you, h [...] been cast into barren Ground, or bestow'd upon yo [...] in-vain; and above all be careful that you conve [...] or keep Company with none unless your unavoid [...] ble occasions require it; but such as are honest a [...] virtuous, for Evil Company is the Ruin of You [...] and so in hopes speedily to see you, I remain,
The Answer.
AFter the humble Acknowledgment of my D [...] and Obedience, I must with blushes own [...] the hurry of Business wherein I have interessed [...] self, has made me remiss in not keeping the Pro [...] I made at my Departure to write frequently, the [...] by to certisie you how Affairs go in these Parts. [...] since you are pleased to Pardon what is past upon th [...] Security of a strict observance, I shall not I hope [...] wanting to merit in some measure so much goodne [...] lenity and tender affection as you have always [...] press'd towards me, and as for the caution you [...] me in relation to my Company, I have all along [...] served it, my own discretion directing and inch [...] me so to do; but since you remind me of it, [...] redouble that Caution, and am perswaded you [...] hear no ill Character of me from the mouth of [...] but if any by false Aspersions should attempt to [...] your Ears, intra-ducing me I hope you will not [...] hastily nor without good grounds give credit to [...] Moths of mens Reputation, and so in Expectation see you, and lay my self in Duty at your fect [...] [Page 77]soon as my great Affairs will permit; most honoured Father, I remain,
Letter to a Maid to perswade her to Marry.
SInce I have entered into a married Estate, I have found so many unexpected Pleasures, and so much comfort in a Kind and Loving Husband, that for all the little Niceties and Fears that struggle to hinder virgins for that which naturally they so much covet and desire, nor whatever else can be reasonably named, I would not be otherwise than I am; I must confess at first the thoughts of giving my self up to the will of a Husband did not a little startle me considering I was altogether unskilled, in such an undertaking, nor had I been less possessed in my tender years, with the Descriptions of the many ha [...]ards and dangers that attended a Marriage Estate, and what rough and boisterous Creatures men are when they get innocent Virgins into their Power; but since I find all contrary: I conclude such frightful Representations were only scattered in my way to [...]event any early Progress I might be inclined to make in Love, you may indeed think it strange that [...] write thus to you; but since I am possessed of so [...]reat a share of felicity, I cannot yet think it so per [...]ct [...]ct as I would do, if the like were fallen to your [...]ot; for as we have been all along Sympathizers in [...]ch others Joy and Grief, and dear Companions [...]ce our tender Infancy, what remains where true [...]ffection dwells, but that I should wish you happy [...] the same Estate, wherein I find my self so, [Page 78]nor need you, I am confident, adorned with so muc [...] Beauty and Virtue, want a thousand Hearts, out [...] which number of your Adorers, out of which casti [...] by the fabulous fear that hinders the Consummatio [...] of Love, you might choose one to shower on you [...] the soft Endearments, all the kind Complacent [...] and tender things that can possibly render a Woman happier that her self can reasonably conceive [...] which is the entire wish, and earnest desire of he [...] who is,
A Letter to a Widow.
I Must at once express my self both sorry and gla [...] that now you are at Liberty to make a sece [...] Choice; sorry that you have lost a good Husba [...] and glad that it is in my power to recommend a [...] ther to your Arms who will no less tender and [...] gard you, one that will think nothing too dear [...] please & oblige you, you may indeed object that go [...] men are hard to be found, to which I subjoyn, a [...] therefore have been very curious and cautious to [...] you out one amongst those few that are so cautio [...] indeed is to be used in so great an Affair, but [...] much frequently marrs a good Enterprize. Y [...] know, Widow, what it is to be married; a [...] therefore ought not to stand on little Niceties, wh [...] the more weighty part is substantial; nor can I im [...] gine that you have so hard a thought of me as to [...] lieve I would be so treacherous as to recommend [...] to any thing to your Disadvantage. However I [...] undertaken that you shall admit of a Visit from [...] [Page 79]Party who is so highly in my Esteem, and I hope will shortly be so in yours, and in Expectation you will not let me prove Barren in my Promise, in which you may conclude my Credit must of necessiity suffer. I Subscribe my self,
The Answer.
I Have Perused the Letter you sent me not without Blushes, considering the Contents were somewhat surprizing; I have indeed all along ranked you amongst the number of my Friends, and you might justly have taxed me with Ingratitude, had I done less; but that you should concern your self in my Affairs of this kind, I never expected. I have indeed, as you say, lost a good Husband, whose Remembrance is too fresh in my Mind to admit any thoughts of a second; however I must return you my thanks for your good will and meaning towards me; and that I may be the more tender of your Credit, I will upon your account, by reason your Promise is past, admit of though against my Inclination, a Visit; and so I conclude, and am, Sir,
A Letter from a Wife to her Husband in the Country.
YOur tedious Absence does not a little afflict me, nor did I think the Love you so much profess towards me could have so long delayed me since [...] [Page 80]well know that I take no joy in my self being thus divided from you who are my chiefest Comfort on Earth; what shall I say then, but that you are unkind; yet methinks I blush to lay such an Injury to your charge, and find at the same time something whisper me that you cannot be guilty, (considering the Obligations I have laid upon you) of such a Crime in Love; but to put me altogether out of doubt, and that I may have no cause to believe you purposely delay, Dear Love, gratisie so far the Expectations and earnest wishes of your Kind and most Affectionate Wife as to let her speedily be blessed with having you in her Arms, there tenderly to chide you for taking your self from her, and at the same time bereaving her of the much desired possession of all her Temporal felicity; for well you know, considering how dearly I tender your Company, that your Absence must be tedious to her that lives but to share a life with you; and so in hopes whatever business may happen or you may pretend, you will gratisie me in this small request, thought to me of the greatest moment Imaginable, I am Dear Husband,
The Answer.
I Have received your Letter, and am but too sensible that my Absence has been tedious to you; yet I must excuse it (though intire Love and Matrimonial tenderness and affection is frequently attended with Impatience to be delayed, and will not admit with a firm Crudulity of any Excuse) by my being forced to attend upon unexpected Business, which has in spite of all the earnest Desires, I have had of returning, and the Promises I made to my kind and mo [...] [Page 81]obliging Wife delayed me; wherefore I must earnestly intreat you that you would be more tender that to impute it to any disregard or neglect I have of your Person, and though to remove all scruples of that kind; nay, be it to my Detriment or Loss in Affairs, I will hast to give you the Satisfaction you seem so earnestly to require, by being speedily with you, and so put it into your Power to chide me at leisure, and till that happy time which I as earnestly desire as any thing that can be thought of or expressed: I am Dear Wife,
The Daughters Letter complaining to her Mother for wand of a Husband.
YOu told me when I was sent abroad, it was in order to gain such Breeding and Carriage as might qualifie me to enter upon a Married Estate, which made me the willinger to be absent from you so tedious a time; and though my Diligence has been great to improve my self to the utmost of my Abilities, and am, as I hope, of sufficient years and discretion to alter my Condition; yet I do not any ways perceive your Endeavours tend to the furtherance of that Affair; but that you seek to confine me to a tedious Virginity, which I am the rather induced to believe is the sum of your Intentions; for as much as since my Mistriss, or rather Goaler received your last Letter, she has set more Spies upon my ways and actions, and has straitened me that Liberty which before was but little better than Bondage; therefore let me intreat you by all the Duty and Obedience I [Page 82]have hitherto been conformable in to your Commands, that you unriddle me this my stery: my years cannot be a sufficient objection, as being now altogether Sixteen, and having seen many a younger Bride in the fruition of those Joys that are Strangers to me, or if you have designed one to be my Husband, who it not yet at years of Discretion, and consequently not capable of meeting me with an equal flame, at least let me know it, that I may in complyance to your will, stay longer; yet that it may be in hopes, and that my Comfort may be I shall not undergo the Scandal of being reputed an overgrown Virgin, especially in an Age where the forwardness of our Sex makes it a wonder to pass the Teens. I cou'd inlarge upon this Subject, but hindered by Blushes, I desist and press no further at this time, than that I may have your Answer, and so remain,
The Answer.
THe suprizing Letter I received, I could not, had I not been very well acquainted with the Hand, have conjectured to have come from you, I indeed remove you at the distance you now are because I perceived a more than ordinary forwardness in you to give ear to the alurements and smooth discourses of young men which becomes not the Modesty of our Sex; [...] so doing, we give our selves up to the Temptation which approaches too fast, and run upon those, snares we ought to shun, nor do I now less wonder at your Impatience, and more when you plead your Age, although at the same time you lie in the days wherein to the scandal of their Parents, in whose [Page 83]Power it frequently is to prevent it, Maids leap out of their Cradle into their Marriage Bed; which indiscretion is the cause of so many Misfortunes that befall them even in their Nonage, and one of the main Reasons we have such a Pigmy Generation, if placed in competition with former times, when it was held a Reproach to Marry under 20 years; nor must I have you repine if I think it convenient you continue as you are till that time; But if you will be a Rebel to your Obedience, and bid defiance to ancient laudable Customs, let the Misfortunes that happen be upon your own head: however I shall not be wanting to take such measures as may possibly prevent it. And so commanding you to trouble me with no more Stories of this Kind, I am whilst you continue in a state of Obedience and Duty,
A Letter to a young Lady upon the second Sight.
AFter I have with much earnestness begged your Pardon for presuming to intrude this Letter into your fair hands, I must grow bold under the umbrage of ther like Pardon, to let you know that your Idea has so largely possessed my heart, that I have ever since I first beheld you, been captivated by your bright Eyes, & made it my business to find out the Apartment of my Conqueress, and am so fortunate as now to know it; but when all ways were tryed to gain access, and none found but such as perhaps might be resented as Rudeness in a Stranger, I enforced my self to commit these Lines to your favorable Construction, wherein I yet presume to tell you that I Love, and that you are the fair Creature that Imploys my, [Page 84]Thoughts, and in hopes of whose Favour I only flatter my self with happiness: O frown not then, nor let a Cloud of Anger overcast those beams of Light that have darted into my Soul the charming luster that sparkles in themselves, but look favourably upon this poor Address, and bless me with a Line or two, that I may know you have some Compassion on me, and that I may continue on this side the Land of Dispair; spair; for which condescension I shall make it the business of my life to serve you in all the Possibilities your Commands shall impose on me; and so in hope you will be gracious, I presume to subscribe my self,
The Answer.
I Must own I have received a Letter, but the Person that sent it I know not, yet at the Importunity of the Bearer, and the request of the Writer, I have sent back these Lines to let you or whoever it may concern know, That those who make their Addresses to me in the way of Courtship are so Prudent to be well known to me before they trouble me with Letters; wherefore I think it no ways convenient to capitulate with you, till I am better informed of your worth, you may indeed be a Person very deserving; but since I am at present in the dark as to any knowledge or certainty thereof, you must Pardon me if I suspend my opinion or forbear to declare my self, till I am more sensible of it. And so Sir, leaving you to gather from this what shall seem most suitable, I conclude to Subscribe my self in civility,
Julia to Hemanus, a Letter.
YOur tedious Absence has not a little afflicted my tender heart nor cou'd I think when we parted that Business of the greatest moment could have made so long a Separation; but seeing it so falls out, you cannot reasonably blame me, that I am possessed with mortal fears lest some ill chance has befallen you, I might indeed could I find any place to doubt your Constancy, tax you with Ingratitude and unkindness. But not daring to harbour such a thought, I am constrained to let you know that I desire your Company beyond any thing I can express on this side Imortal felicity, and therefore make it my carnest request that you would delay no longer to hasten hither, where with open Arms and all the Indearments of a tender and affectionate Lover, your Julia waits to receive you, and must, till you bless her with your Presence, sit under the shade of Melancholy, pressed with anxious Cares, and remain,
The Answer.
I Have received your Letter, and am not a little grieved that I have taken my self from you so long a time, but the Seas and Winds as well as important Business have unhappily conspired to keep us separate, if we can rightly term it a Separation where the hearts are one, in the strictest Union and bonds of Love: However I shall take that care to break through all Obstructions that may offer to creat delay, [Page 86]and with the speed that wings true Love hasten to your Arms, and strive to render you a double Joy in Recompence of my long Absence; till when, Dear Love be patient, and let no sorrow afflict a heart in which I have so great a share; but let the consideration of my being on my was to renew your happiness banish sad Thoughts; and so commending you to the Protection of Heaven, I subscribe my self,
A Letter to Commend a young Gentleman to his Mistriss.
BEing so happy to be informed that Mr. P. is lately become a Servant of yours, and as I understand, altogether in earnest, having first begged your Pardon for my Presumptuous Intrusion, I thought [...] convenient to Inform you, that if you are disposed to alter your Condition, I cannot think any Person fitter for your Choice, considering the good Character he has in the World of being an honest frugal prudent and ingenious Gentleman, which to my Knowledge proceeds not from Flattery, but is altogether grounded upon his Merit, as for his Person, I shall not commend it, for as to that you are the competenrest Judge; and indeed being wise as all (that have been happy in your Conversation) must own you may tax me with Imprudence, for not leaving you to judge of the rest, which indeed I ought to have submitted to; but I hope the Love and Esteem I have indifferently for you both, will plead in my behalf, and gain me an Excuse: And so Madam [...] wishing you in every station all manner of felicity, I take my leavee, and am
The Answer.
I Have received your Letter, and am constrained in point of Generosity to return you my hearty thanks for the Care you take of my welfare, and especially in what most materially concerns my future Tranquility; the Gentleman you mention, has indeed payed me some visits of late, and I have no reason to reproach him for his Civility; but considering Marriage is a great work, and ought not to be enter'd upon without much mature deliberation I cannot oblige my self rashly to enterprize it by giving a hasty consent, but must take time to consider on it as a weighty matter, and although my thoughts were not before averse to an Alteration of my Condition, I must confess the Character you have given on the part of my Lover, has not a little heightned my Esteem of him: But Modesty bidding me be silent in that matter, least I shou'd be censured as too forward in so great a concern, I rest, and am,
A Country Letter from Robin to Joan.
I Can but think ever since you and I were together at the Wake, what a great mind I have had to Buss thee, I wou'd indeed have come to thy Father's House and have cracked a Pot of Ale with thee had not I been a great deal busy in getting in the Hay and Gorn, and when that was over in Ploughing the Land; but I will spare so much time before I am a Twelve-month older, as to come and see thee, and that thou [Page 88]maist not think I forget thee, I have sent by this Bearer a Pair of Gloves, and a Top-knot, that thou maist be Alamode, as they call it, and go fine as other Lasses; They cost me Ninepence, I cou'd get them no cheaper: however I think not the Money ill bestowed since they are for thine own dear self. And Joan, if thou lovest me as I believe thou dost, and have reason to think it ever since thou tookest two Busses for one. Let me have a Line or two from thee to hear how thou dost, and tell the Clark of the Parish I will Pay him for writing it, when I come to see thee. And so I bid thee heartily good buy, and am,
The Answer.
THe Clark not being at home, I got the Parson to set pen to Paper, and bid him tell you that I am a great deal glad to hear you are very well, as indeed I am at this present writing, and am as Impatient Bob to see thee, as thou canst wish or imagine; but have been taken up in spinning a pair of Sheers above this Fortnight; yet shou'd you come to see me, I'd make half a Holy-day with you for all that. I have indeed received your Token, and that very kindly, as what cou'd I do less? yet must rate and chide you a little for laying out your Money so simply; consider Bob, Ninepence is a great deal of Money, and might have been better bestowed, however I take all in good part, and wore the Gloves and Top [...] knot last Sunday for your sake. But can you think it [...] it wou'd have made you have laughed to almost b [...] pissing your self to see how the folk gauped and st [...] red at me to see how fine I was, and to speak wh [...] [Page 89]I think I believe many a Lass envyed me for being in the Court fashion, because they were not so themselves. And now Bob, Paper being scarce, I shall take my leave of thee without any longer occasion, and own my self to all the World if occasion were, That I am,
A Letter from a Country Esquire to his London Mistriss.
WHat shall I say, or how shall I express my self to make thee know how much I love thee? As for thy Father, he knows it, for I told him all my Affections when he was last in the Country, and I hope he has told thee as much. I shewed him too, my Sheep, Cows, Horses, and all my Domestic Cattle and Poultry, with my Warrens and parks of Deer, my Ground, and Stacks of Corn and Hay, and many other things too tedious to mention in an Epistle, and told him what I wou'd Joynter thee in; for indeed thou art worth more than I have to give for thee: However if thou wilt love me, thou shalt have me into thee Bargain: Your Father seemed well enough to approve and like of all the concern, but told me withal, that he left you free to your Choice, and that he wou'd compel you to nothing, but I must make way my self to your Affections, which I am now endeavouring to do, and I hope I shall not labour invain, for as soon as I know how you rellish this, I will come and see you my self: And so no more, in hast I am,
The Answer.
I Have received your Letter, and am surprized t [...] find you should fall in Love with one you neve [...] see; what you have learned of me from my Father I know not, yet Love being grounded upon seeing and liking; I cannot but wonder you shou'd choose you know not what; you know not but I may be old and deformed, ill-natured and crooked conditioned for you must imagine Parents will be partial in setting off their Children, forbearing to expose their Infirmities leaving them the rather to be discovered by others; and indeed themselves will not many times see what is too apparent, which begat the Proverb, viz. Every Bird thinks her young the fairest wherefore I'd have you better advise & consider be fore-hand, if it be possible for men so to do, you settle your Affections upon you know not whom nor wh [...] for really as you are a Stranger I am concerned [...] you, and wou'd not have you unsight and unseen pir [...] upon a bad Bargain; which may give you cause to [...] pent hereafter, you speak too of a Visit you inte [...] to pay me; but I think you may spare the labo [...] for I am confident you won't like me when you s [...] me, and then I may give you cause to repine at the trouble and Expence I shall occas [...]on you: My Father indeed told me all that passed between you and him, by which I understand you are in a Capacity to render a Woman happy; and I can now only wi [...] perhaps I had known your mind sooner, for reall [...] not to trifle long with you nor hold you in suspen [...] you have declared your self too late, unless I h [...] two hearts; but Nature allowing me no more tha [...] one, That one is already given away, past recall; an [...] so wishing you better success in your next Address, [...] [Page 91]return you for your good opinion of me, my hearty thanks, and subscribe my self,
A Letter from a Mistriss to tax her Lover with Inconstancy.
COu'd I have thought you false after so many Protestations, I had not so easily believed and trusted you with my honour: Little did I think when you made your addresses in so humble a strain accompanying your amorous Discourse with such seemingly serious Protestations, that such falshood attend your Sex; but since by sad Experience I have found that the Seas and Winds are not less stable, nor wandring Fires that delude belated Travellers more false; I am constrained to let you know how much I resent your Ingratitude, though through the strength of mind that always supports me, I could have refrained to let you see what you perhaps may glory to account a womanish weakness in me, and have remain'd as unconcern'd as you; nay done it with that Ease I shook you from my heart; but this I do to prevent your heaping more guilt upon your self by protesting perhaps hereafter your ignorance and innocence, though at the same time you know it to be otherwise; nor is it less in my power to be revenged, wou'd I give my self up to the study of it; but I think it the more generous and nobler way not to suffer my Soul to sink so low, but rather to leave you to be punished by your conscious guilt, and so from this time rasing you out of my Memory, I date it the happy moment of my recovered freedom, and remain, false man henceforth entirely at my own dispose.
A Letter from one Friend to another upon his Deliverance from Trouble and Danger, &c.
I Am not a little overjoyed that you have escaped the Danger that lately threatned you, nor have I had a moments sound repose till the happy News of your deliverance sounded in my Ears, so powerful is the sympathy where true Friendship dwells, nor is the News less welcom to the rest of your Friends and Relations in these Parts, and so much the more since we are assured as we never doubted what your Innocence deserved; you came off with that Credit, that your candid Reputation appeared more and more justifyable; nor let it at all deject or trouble you that you have been causelesly molested, seeing it is the common chance of Mankind to meet with Crosses and Vexations in this life, the World it self being fitly compared to a Sea that is restless, and Men to the Ships therein, which can never promise themselves always to be free from a Storm; Troubles come to the best of Men, and Crowns have frequently Thorns in 'em, and sit many times uneasie upon the Head of the Monarch. It's true some men are favoared with a long and un-interrupted Tranquility; yet those find vexations more or less, even on this fide the Grave: Therefore think not your Lot cast in a harder Land than others, but rejoyce that your Misfortunes are but light and trivial to what some thousands undergo; and so with my best wishes committing you to the Protection of the Almighty, I subscribe my self,
A Letter of Consolation upon the Death of a Husband.
I Having the honour to be ranked amongst the number of your Friends, have taken the boldness upon me to send this Letter of Condolence, to let you know how much I am a sharer in your loss and sufferings, That you have lost a kind and indulgent Husband, I, and all Mankind that knew him must readily own; nor am I though in some-what a more distant degree, a less sufferer, in the loss of a faithful, kind and obliging Friend; yet we must both consider that it is the certain Lot of all Mankind sooner or later to leave the troublesome Stage of this World, though whilst the Body sets in the Grave and slumbers in the gloomy dust, the better part, the immortal Soul is freed from the Prison out of which it long has laboured to get and reaches its proper mansion, rises to the Region where Sorrow and Trouble are Strangers, and cou'd it be know that we mourn for such a consideration, such a blessed change, what cou'd it do less than think we envied it's happiness. It must be confessed that a long continued Society where hearts are joined in strictest Bonds of Amity, must needs be unpleasing in the Seperation, and through humane frailty and natural affections, we are loath to part with what we love; yet seeing there is an invincible necessity, we ought to sustain such Losses with Patience and Moderation preparing to follow what we cannot keep. These Considerations, Dear Madam, ought to sway with you, and dry your Eyes that flow too much for what is past recall, and so in hopes you will moderate your Grief [Page 94]and be thereby more Tender of your Health, as I hitherto have, I shall ever continue to be,
A Letter from a Virgin under Restraint to her Lover, &c.
I Suppose you are not Ignorant that (since our Loves were discovered, and our Secrets betrayed by the false Confident you trusted with our Affairs) I have been under restraint & narrowly watched by the stri [...] order of my Parents; however least you should have no knowledge of it, and suppose I purposely neglect to meet you in the usual retirement I have not without some difficulty procured this Letter to be committed to your hands, making it an Ambassador of m [...] Constancy and good Affections, not doubting bu [...] that it will find you in that Peace and Tranquillity that I esteem equal with my own, If not Superiour, and had rather suffer than be the occasion of disturbing your quiet— However, as I conceive there is a more than ordinary cause. In brief, am daily pressed, not only by my Parents, but by a new Lover to withdraw my Affections from you, and place them elsewhere; though you need not fear but I am armed against all Perswasions of that kind; nay, even against the most rigorous threats, yet I would not have you so secure, but that you may at least imagine I may be compelled to do that again [...] my will, which you may assure your self I will no [...] do with it; and so contenting my self in some measure to have given you this timely notice, and submitting the rest to your discretion, I remain,
The Answer.
I Have received your Letter, the Reading of which has darted an Air of Sadness through my Soul, and so sensibly afflicted me, that I altogether account my self unhappy who am the Cause of your Sufferings, and cou'd willingly pay my life as a ransom for your Liberty, if no other means might be found to procure it; but since I hope there are many ways to effect it, I will not at this time deprive you of the Joys you may justly expect thereby, nor gratifie my Enemy or pretended Rival, in a thing perhaps he so [...]ch wishes for, That he may with less difficulty [...]ake his Advances to storm your heart, which suc [...]ess, if it cou'd possibly so fall out, wou'd even di [...]b me in my Grave; but confiding in your intire [...]nd unalterable Affections, such fears vanish like a [...]rning mist, and know my Studdies are wholly taken up about your deliverance, which I will not to tedious in compassing: And so I remain,
A Letter from a Brother to a Sister.
[...] Can but Rejoyce that time and opportunity have [...] befriended me thus seasonably to write unto you; [...]g indeed have I desired to make my self so hap [...]y, but it unhappily fell out that my Business or [...]ant of opportunity to send my Letter obstructed [...]; however hoping this imperfect Messenger will [...] you in good health, I conceive an inward Joy [Page 96]at your welfare, and with all the tenderness of a Brother, will not fail for the future to put up my Prayers for a continuance of it, and hope in a short time to pay you a Visit; in the mean-while, since so fair an opportunity frequently offers of writin [...] to you, I shall not be negligent therein; but i [...] that respect and regard as in all others, contin [...] to be,
The Answer.
I Have received your Letter, and return you [...] hearty thanks for your vouchsafeing to take su [...] Care of me, and shall not in a Sisterly affection [...] any ways behind-hand in making a due return a [...] Acknowledgment; nor can I thus constrained [...] your Generosity do less, though my tender though [...] considering our Alliance in Blood or Proxsangui [...] might have otherways moved me to it, yet yo [...] tedious Absence has not a little sensibly afflicted me and therefore I cou'd wish that no Business had th [...] power or efficacy thus to divide us, though I blush [...] to think any over fondness shou'd arise in me th [...] might in the least prejudice or be a hinderance [...] you in your Affairs: And so in Expectation you w [...] give me the happiness of seeing you with all con [...] nient speed, I remain,
A Letter of Consolation and Advice from a Friend, to one that is in Love.
I Have of late perceived you to give your self up to Melancholy, and shun, as much as in you lyes, the company you formerly so much delighted in, which has not made me, as a friend that highly tenders your felicity, a little inquisitive into the cause; and therein I have been so successfull as to satisfie my self, the cause proceeds from a disappointment in Love, a thing I the least suspected, as not imagining that a person of your firmness and strength of mind could at all be shaken on so frivolous an occasion: yet since it so happens, that you are not proof against the Charms of a beauteous face, what remains but that you pursue the object you so much desire, and let her mow the conquest she has made. Muster up then your drooping spirits, and with a resolution great, like your self, boldly tell her how much you love, and [...]erpect to find the like returns. Consider, Woman was but made for Man, and that the most fair, the most proud, and most ambitious of the Sex, have been conquered by an adventurous and daring onset, whilst those that pine at a distance, and fear to tell their mind, or press on with bravery to storm, in a manner, the Breasts of their Mistresses. have, after a long obsequious attendance, large expence and languishment, seen her fall an easie Conquest to another, whilst they have been lookers on: or if she is not to be wone by reason of a too austeer reservedness, without difficulty call Reason to man you, and be as indifferent as the is coy; and so you will, by degrees, either conquer your Passion, or by letting her see she has no [Page 98]power to give you trouble, lessen the esteem she has of her self, and that will give you a fairer opportunity to parley with her upon equal terms: and so, in hopes this advice may be something serviceable to you, in relation to what it mentions, I continue to be,
The Answer.
I Received your Letter, and find my self in friendship and generosity constrained to return you my gratefull acknowledgment and unfeigned thanks for your advice and good-will towards me; but must at the same time express my self sorry that you should give your self so much trouble as to inquire into the affair, it being the tenderest business of my life, an [...] the very center of my happiness or misery, according as I succeed or fail in my expectations; for she who [...] I adore, and takes up all my heart, unless a reserv [...] in friendship for you. is adorned with no commo [...] Beauty, nor replenished with a vulgar Virtue, bu [...] shines for both, in the sphere of her Sex, like the fir [...] moving Star, and by her Majestick presence command an Awfull distance. those that are not in Love, [...] is true, may easily prescribe Rules to those that are as every body will be giving directions to the sick but those that are in Love, like me, and feel a flam [...] like mine, must needs confess that it comes near t [...] Impotency; for when we presume most upon o [...] strength, and boldly resolve to unburthen our labouring thoughts to move compassion in the Saint [...] adore; all on a sudden our Tongues begin to faulter a trembling seizes every Nerve, and words forge [...] their way; instead of which, sighs and abrupt stammorings take place; blushes and eager gazes still succeed [Page 99]or accompany them: However, encouraged by you, whose Counsels never failed me at my greatest need; the fair one shall know for whom I languish, though thunder-struck by her frowns, I fall before her anger, and am lost for ever. And so, dear Sir, with all imaginable returns of Thanks, and the long Endearments, of our Mutual friendship, I take the boldness to subscribe my self,
A Letter from a young Lover to his Mistriss.
PArdon my boldness that, unknown to you, I presume to send this Letter as a Messenger to tell you I am your Captive, and that I only wait the favourable opportunity to lay my self at your feet, and pay those profound Respects due to your Bounty and Virtue; till which happy time, if Heaven vouchsafe [...] a great blessing, I must languish between hope of your goodness and compassion towards me, and despair of being accepted into the number of those you vouchsafe to cast your smiles upon: but if you are so mercifull as you are fair, and esteemed Virtuous, I may promise my self that you will not be so unkind as altogether to deny me access to your Presence, but at least suffer me, if fate or any hard fortune has ordained me miserable, to receive my doom in person from your fair lips, which of the two extreams may prove the milder: Therefore, fairest of creatures, in expectation of knowing your pleasure, I flatter my self with the happiness to subscribe, that I am,
The Answer.
YOur Letter did not a little surprize me, especially when I considered you are altogether a stranger to me, or my conversation; nor can you reasonably expect that I should upon second thoughts esteem of it as any other than the effect of a complemental humour, for it is much that you should be so passionately affected as you express your self to wards a Maid, to whom you are so much a stranger; or at least I must afflrm my self so to you, as not having ever seen you to my knowledge: however, I am not so reserved, but I thought fit to return you these Lines; and further to let you know, that when I am better informed as to your Person and Merits, I shall better and more at leasure consider what to determine as to your requiring to pay me a visit, which I am not so curious in refusing, as far as the bounds of Modesty will admit, to any Gentleman, whose mind is vertuous, and his intentions honest: and till I better understand your Worth, I must beg your pardon, and only, take leave to subscribe my self
A Passionate Letter to Reproach a Scornfull Mistriss.
WHat more can be expected from the most obsequious Slave than I have performed; how have I marked your Eyes, and taken the least motion for a command to do you service; how have I neglected my own affairs, and with all the diligence expressible, laboured to let you see by my service how much I was yours, and how truly I loved you: but what is my [Page 101]reward; nothing but scorn and disdain, when others reap the harvest of your smiles, and are highly caressed: O the ingratitude of Woman! into what a Monster can it form it self, had it been once sounded with an Angel-Trumpet in my Ears, that the seeming virtuous, fair, charming Bellamira could have been false and inconstant as the Winds to the Man she promised so fair, and at so light a rate, broke all her vows and promises of an unalterable fidelity: I durst not believe it; but now too plain I find that they were uses; yet, false one, I will not curse nor repine, but bear my sufferings with patience; and though the grief sits heavy on my soul', yet with a manly courage I'll suppress my woe; and having once shook off these chains, be free for ever from the fatal mischief that attends on Love, and befalls,
The Answer.
I Cannot but wonder you should be so much concerned to be rejected, seeing the encouragements I gave you were never so large as to ground any hope of succeeding upon: And as for your officiousness, it was in your own choice whether you would have persevered in such diligence or not; and although I am constrained to confess your services merited my thanks, which I often rendered you; and I, though it had been sufficient, yet you aiming higher, no marvel if you was rejected. Women, Sir, in these days, are improved in craftiness, and wear their Lovers like their Garments, putting one on to day, and another to morrow, and would not willingly wear out any, but when they are pressed to declare themselves; then it is time to pull off the Vizor to those they cannot affect, [Page 102]and let them discover how vain their hopes have been: and this, Sir, is your misfortune, if it be worth your terming it so; however, I shall not be wanting to continue such an esteem for you as you have merited, but would by any means advise you to withdraw your affections, if you have placed any upon me beyond the bounds of friendship and civil conversation: and so I take leave to remain
Directions or Superscriptions of Letters to Persons of sundry Qualities, &c. Internal and External.
- TO The King's most Excellent Majesty, or
- To the Sacred Majesty of James the Second, &c.
- To the Queen's most Excellent Majesty.
- To his Royal Highness the Prince of D.
- To her Royal Highness the Princess of D.
- To his Grace the Lord Arch-Bishop of Cant.
- To his Grace the Lord A. B. of York, or
- To the most Reverend Father in God, &c. And to all other Bishops, viz. To the Right Reverend Father in God H. Lord-Bishop of L.
- To his Grace the Duke of S. or, To the High-Born Prince A. B. Duke of S.
- To the Right Honourable the Marquess of W.
- To the Right Honourable the Earl of C.
- To the Right Honourable the Lord Viscount F.
- To the Right Honourable the Lord P. Baron of D.
- To the Honourable Lord C. that is, the Son of a Noble [Page 103]Man, for they are always styled Honourable, though but esquires, &c.
- To his Excellence A. B. Ambassador from the High and Mighty Prince L. &c. and so to any Ambassador.
- To his Excellency L. E. of F. Captain-General of his Majesties Forces, &c. And so to the Lord-Lieutenant of Ireland.
- To all Privy Counselors, the Lord Chancellor, the L, Chamberlain, L. Steward of his Majesties Houshold, Secretary of State, Lord Privy Seal, &c. you must direct your Letter, viz. To the Right Honourable, &c. and after that mention their Office and Dignity, as the rest.
- To the Right Worshipfull T. B. Knight and Baronet.
- To Sir B. B. Knight, These humbly present.
- These for L. C. Esq or the Worshipfull L. C. Esq
- To the Right Honourable the Lord Mayor of the City of London: and so to the Lord Mayor or the City of York, or only to the Honourable the Lord Mayor of York, &c. And all those that have passed the Chair as Lord Mayors of London, are ever styled Honourable.
- To the Worshipfull Alderman A. C.
- To the Worshipfull M. C. Sheriff of London, &c.
- To the Reverend Judge A. B. or, To the Reverend A. B. one of his Majesties Justices, &c.
- To M. C. Serjeant at Law.
- To E. G. Counsellor at Law.
- To any of the Inferiour Clergy direct, viz. To the Reverend T. C. D. D. or as the degree is, naming the Preferment and Dignity.
- All Mayors of Burg-Towns, or Masters of Corporations or Companies by the King's charter are ever after styled Esquires.
- [Page 104]To all private Gentlemen, viz. These for Mr. T. C. To all Gentlewomen, &c. To Madam A. C. To Mrs. B. D. But if she be the Wife of a Duke, Marquess, Earl, Viscount Baron, Baronet, Knight, &c. Then you must give the Title as Dutchess, Marchioness, Countess, Viscountess, Baroness, Lady, &c.
- These are those that are written on the top of the Letter or superscription, &c. Viz.
- To the King, Sir, Dread Sir, or, May it please Your Majesty, or Sacred Sir, or Dread Soveraign.
- To the Queen, Madam, or, May it please your Majestie.
- To the Prince, royal Sir, or, May it please your Royal Highness.
- To the Princess, Madam, or, May it please your Royal Highness.
- To a Duke, My Lord, or, May it please your Grace.
- To a Dutchess, Madam, or, May it please your Grace.
- To a Marquess, My Lord, May it please your Lordship.
- To a Marchioness, Madam, May it please your Ladiship.
- To an Earl, My Lord, or, May it please your Honour.
- To his Lady, Madam, or, May it please your Honour. And the like to a Viscount, Viscountess, Baronet, Baroness, &c. only distinguishing the Sex.
- To a Baronet, May it please the Right Worshipfull.
- To his Lady, Madam, or, May it please your Ladiship.
- To a Knight, Sir, or, May it please your Worship.
- To any Gentleman, Sir, or, Much Honoured: and to any Gentlewoman, &c. indifferently, Madam, or Mistriss, &c.
Complimental Expressions, or Quaint and Modish Deliverances of Sentence, or short Speeches, referring to Men of sundry Qualities, &c.
To the King. MAy it please your most excellent Majesty, so far in your Princely Goodness to condescend, as to accept of the humble acknowledgment, the most devoted of your Subjects and Servants with all humility tenders the King, &c.
Great Sir, or Sacred Sir, May it please you to look down upon your loyal, obedient, and ever-devoted Subject and Servant, and cast a kindly beam on him that lives but to do you service, &c.
To a Duke. Most Honourable Lord, May it please your Grace to vouchsafe your acceptance of this present from him that lives by your Bounties, and must acknowledge himself and fortunes ever at your command.
May it please the High-born Prince, and my everhonoured Patron, his Grace the D. of, &c. to accept this humble acknowledgment from his slave, &c.
Most honourable Sir, I can scarce express the joy I conceived, that your sickness or affliction is vanished like a dream, an suffers me to find you in your wonted tranquillity and peace, &c.
To a Marquess. Most honourable, and my very good Lord, it has not a little exalted the joy I conceive at your Presence, since you have been pleased to own my services, and think me worthy of your notice.
To an Earl. Right Honourable, and my most benigne Lord, the humblest of your Servants lays himself, in conceit, at your feet, and acknowledges your bounty.
May it please your Honour to consider how much my daily endeavours are, and how I struggle with all difficulties that oppose to render my self in some manner acceptable to your Lordship.
To a Viscount. My honourable Lord, what remains, considering the bounties and favours you have heaped upon me, but that I make it the business of my life, in some measure, to make me a requital.
To a Baron. May Lord, May I presume to lay my self at your feet whilst I can have time and utterance to express my self how much I am indebted to your bounty, which in all places I must acknowledge.
To a Baronet. Right Worshipfull Sir, the Obligations you have laid upon me are such, that I blush to think that it is not in my power to make any sutable return.
to a Knight. Sir, May it please your Worship to accept this first acknowledgment of my gratitude, though I must confess it unworthy of your notice; yet knowing your goodness, I grounded my presumption thereon.
Expressions that may be indifferentiy applied to any Man.
Sir, I am the humblest of your Servants, and nothing joys me more than that my Ears are dally filled with the pleasing sound of your noble Actions and glorious Atchievements.
Sir, Your favour has revived me; and what shall I do, or how shall I express my self that some gratefull acknowledgment may appear, or that I may be anywa [...] a [...]counted worthy to be named amongst the number of your friends.
Sir, I must own my self the happiest of Mankind, since I am truly satisfied you have pardoned my rudeness, [Page 107]committed more through inconsiderateness than any affront or disloyalty to friendship.
Sir, I shall ever esteem your happiness as my own, nor shall I share a joy willingly but with your self.
Sir, I own my self indebted to you in so high a nature, and my Abilities so small to bring me off, that I must confess my self at a loss, how I shall in any measure make you a sutable return; yet my will is good, and my person and service shall ever be at your devotion.
Sir, Did you know how earnestly I strive to pay an acknowledgment due to your Virtues, and how little I am able to perform, you wou'd, past doubt, pity my fruitless labours.
Sir, when I seek for a Theam to inlarge upon, your Name is sufficient at once to supply and charm me, the sound of it being enough to compleat my largest intention, and to inspire me with rapture.
Great indeed, Sir, have been the Obligations you have laid upon me, and great must be my thoughts if I durst presume to make a sutable return.
The Man, Sir, that secures your friendship, must of necessity account himself rich, and repine no more at fortune.
Sir, I am proud of your last visit, and can only say that my poor habitation was never so grac'd, nor made so happy till then; knowing your parts, I cou'd do no less than chuse you to manage my affairs, and find by grand experience that I have so well prospered in your hands, that I find my self at a loss to let you know how much I am yours.
Sir, I have heard of your worth by fame, but find she has been to partial in not magnifying your deserts as truly they deserve.
Dear friend, Command me to do you service, that you may be a witness with what willingness and zeal I fly to serve you.
Dear friend, how much am I honoured by being seen in your company, and improved by your conversation.
I am, dear friend, the gratefull acknowledger of your bounty; and shou'd I forget it, I might be justly termed a monster in ingratitude.
Sir, I have met you so seasonably, that I must bless the opportunity which affords me this favour, and own that it has made me happy beyond my expectation.
Sir, I must almost with admiration, but especially with repeated thanks to Heaven and you, own I have found in you a true and real friend in that by with true friendship can only be distinguished from flattery.
Sir, you do me too much honour in giving your self the trouble to grace my habitation.
Dear Sir, I am the humblest and most obedient of your Servants.
Sir, I am yours to be commanded, in what at all times you shall think convenient, to do you pleasure.
Sir, I shall make it my study, and will be proud that I can find out any way to oblige you.
Sir, As I am an honourer of true worth, I confess I can place my respects no-where better than in continuing your Admirer.
Sir, Since your have been pleased to give me the favour of a visit, let me return you my hearty thanks, and give you this further trouble, that you will bear my Service and Respects to your Lady.
Sir, Command my life and fortunes, and I'll lay 'em with the greatest willingness at your feet.
Sir, Let me embrace you with all the tender Endearments of a friend and tell you at what a rate I value your Love and Friendship.
Complimental Expressions, &c. of the like nature to the Female Sex.
To the Queen. MAy it please your royal Majesty, out of the abundance of your Lenity and Princely compassion, graciously from your station of highest Honour and Eminence, to cast your Eyes upon the lowliest of your Servants, though unworthy of so great a favour.
May it please the Sacred Majesty of the Royal Consort, to accept the Services of one who has no Ambition beyond the desire of serving her with the utmost zeal and diligence, &c.
To a Dutchess. May it please your Grace to consider that I live but by your smiles; and when you frown, I must revert to what I was before I had a being.
May it please the High-born Princess, the Dutchess of, &c. to consider the supplication of her Servant, and be piteous as she is good and fair.
To a Countess. Most honourable Lady, what shall I say to express the gratitude I owe you, or how shall I sufficiently acknowledge my self for the favours I have received at your hands.
To a Viscountess. Madam, May it please your Honour, that without offence I may tender you my service, and that you would raise my Ambition by putting it in my power to make, though an imperfect return of the honour you have already done me.
To a Baroness. Madam, Your Honour is so full of good nature, that you bankrupt and quite exhaust my stock even of sutable thanks, or gratefull expressions and acknowledgments for and of so transcendent a liberality.
To a Baronettess. Most honoured Lady, how shall I frame my Words, or manage my Tongue to render you in any case sensible, or let you know in what respect, or for what cause I am wholly devoted to your service.
Madam, I am at a loss to express to any hight that which may relish like an acknowledgment of your goodness.
To a Lady, the Wife of a Knight. Madam, May it please your Ladiship to render me the satisfaction of laying your Commands upon me, that I may show you how willing at all times I am to wait upon you and do you service.
To the Female Sex in General.
DEar Madam, conquered by your fair Eyes, I come to lay me at your feet, and acknowledge my selt your slave.
Madam, my life depends upon your smiles; and if you frown, I must drop into the shades, and be no more.
Best of Women, extend your wonted compassion to your servant, who labours under a languishment beyond expression, and expects no cure but from her that gave the wound.
Madam, if I may presume to express my self, I must tell you I love, and that your self is the happy object I doat upon.
Fair Mistriss, how shall I make my sufficient acknowledgments for the many favours I have received at your hands; all I can do is to make it the business of my life to study a requital.
Madam, your Beauty, your Wit and singular Parts make a treble conquest over my affections.
Lady, I must blush when I consider you have cause to tax me with ungentility in not performing my promise, but relying upon your goodness, I hope my excuse may prevail with you for once.
Fairest of Creatures, pity the Man that loves you more than life, and wou'd be proud to fall-your sacrifice did you command it.
Madam, though you are severe, and give me despair, which renders life tedious and troublesome; yet know when I fall your Martyr, no harsh words shall fall from my lips, but at the last gasp, the twilight between life and death, I'll faintly breathe a blessing on you.
Madam, consider I ash your Creature. and can subsist no longer than I am supported by your smiles.
Madam, how long shall I languish and feed upon Camelions fare; if you resolve not to yield me Love for all my faithfull services, be kind and tell me so, that I by death at least may ease me of this lingring torment.
Madam, your Virtues exceed the Charms of Beauty, and are the lasting Jewels that adorn you.
Madam, hard is the fate of Lovers where such Excellence appears to dash their great Resolves, and render them feeble and impotent by not being able to tell how much they love.
Thou best of Women, how shall I sufficiently extoll your goodness; how shall I lay my self low enough at your feet, to let you know how sensible I am of the obligations you have laid upon me.
Great indeed, fair Lady, wou'd be my happiness, if what you speak in jest cou'd fink into my heart, that it might one day be in earnest.
Madam, blame me not for my pretensions to Love, since the power of that God is so universal, that he [Page 112]rides Triumphant in every Region, and makes not only Man, but all Creatures feel his force.
Save, dear Madam, your languishing Servant from a Grave into which he is dropping, and there must lye in dark oblivion, unless your redeeming smiles retrieve his fate.
Ah, Madam, if loving too well be a crime; if any can be said to do so, when you are the bright object of his affections, pardon that offence, since Love is the highest Attribute of Heaven, and that by which we rise from lumpish Earth, as high as everlasting life.
Great (Madam) it has been my Endeavour to serve you, and you repay me with frowns: Consider, dear Lady, I cannot live in storms, considering the weakness of the Bark, but must fall on the Rocks of black Despair, or shipwrack on the Quicksands of Disdain.
Madam, your Eyes are my two polar Stars by which I steer to my haven of happiness.
Madam, your favour makes me richer than the Treasures of the Indies.
Charmed sweet Lady, by the fame of your Beauty I gave scope to my heart to love you before I beheld these bright Eyes; and now am more blessed to confirm it, considering the reports of fame that run high in others, have run low in you, and forgot or overlooked more than half your Merit. What shall I say, divinest of Creatures, to mollifie your heart, that I may after so long a siege find a yielding there!
Happy, Madam, is the Man upon whom you shall cast your favours, for he will be exalted above his fellows in the transcendency of joy.
Much delighted Madam, with your pleasant and harmless conversation I am imboldned at this time to intrude into your company.
Pleased, sweet Lady, by gazing upon you, I follow you like your shade, to feast my eyes on those Beauties my Ambition dare not pretend to enjoy.
Happy, sweet Lady, is the Man that lives in the [...]hadow of your favour, for there he may supinely repose, and be secured from the scorching of the Torrid Zone of your scorn under which others must swelter and languish.
Madam, give Audience to your slave, since I only live to tell you how much I love you, and then expire.
Madam, since you refuse to shew me any mercy, I am resolv'd to try the Waves, who, doubtless, in their greatest fury will be kinder.
Madam, you stand like an impregnable Tower against the assaults of all Mankind.
Madam, the Roses and the Lillies in your fair Cheeks are always in contention, though they seem to live in peace, and hold an equal reign, since neither get the mastery.
Madam, your golden hair appears like flowing Amber upon your Head, that Globe of Wisdom; and your Forehead, like a Rock of Alablaster, reflecting the Sun-beams to inlighten the pleasant Vails beneath; your Eyes resemble two Diamond Quarries, and your Lips and Teeth, the Coral and the Pearly spoil of the richer Ocean; and all the rest more charming than the Spring deckt in her utmost Glories.
O! tell me, fairest Mistriss, if without offence I may dare to approach the presence of so divine a Creature; yet, methinks, where so much Beauty is ingrossed, kindness and good-nature ought to be its handmaids.
Madam, in you both Love and Honour wait; and Fortune is your slave.
Madam, the Charms that adorn your lovely Face [Page 114]cannot be formed even in the largest thought, much more be characterized, as they truly deserved, by tongues of Mortals.
Madam, your Angellick beauties lay snares to intrap my soul, which wou'd have ease from pains it do's already feel.
Madam, to what a boundless hight of Ambition must the Man arise that dares to court your smiles.
Fairest of your Sex, if no other favour can be yielded, honour me with a salute of your fair hand.
Madam, I am at a point; if you refuse me, I have resolved to chuse a nobler Fate than thus, like Niobe, to grieve till I become a Marble Statue.
Heal the Wounds, sweet Lady, you have made, and be not cruel to let me live in pain, when it is in your power to ease me.
Madam, to fall a sacrifice and expire, is the least part of my grief; but to be divorced by death from your fair self is intolerable.
Madam, instruct me how I shall find out a way to requite the favours you have been pleased to cast upon me.
Madam, I have endeavoured to the utmost of my power, in hopes my officiousness might have turned to some small account, whereby you might have reaped the benefit, but find I am at a loss.
Assure your self, fair Lady, that I will ever be constant; and when I am otherwise, may your Anger blast me.
Most obliging Madam, what shall I say to render you sensible of the many obligations you have laid upon me!
Madam, as a Captive I surrender my self; for although I have a long time been a Rebel in the Empire of mighty Love, yet conquer'd by your goodness, I at length am reclaimed, confessing that I own to you my Conversion.
County Complements, or Expressions, in Business and Courtship.
HOnest Dick, I am very glad to see thee in good health, and I thank you finely for the kindness you did me the last week.
Tom, I am not a little joyfull to hear thou art Married; and may Jugg be fruitfull, and bring thee every year a swinging Lad.
Honest Ned thou art well met; and seeing we are met under a Sign-Post, let us in, Man, and over a Pot talk of old stories.
Well, Sam, thou canst not think what a friend I have been of thine, to further thy Wooing with Madge—I'll promise thee I buss'd her for thee; and bid her be kind to thee as she lov'd me.
Will, I am heartily contented to see thee; and am glad to hear thy Cows and Sheep thrive so well in thy new Farm.
Robin, thou over-joyest me to meet thee so luckily, for you see I am in my Holy-day Cloaths: And what do'st thou think I am so plaguey fine for? why, I am going to fetch Cib, the Miller's Maid, we are to be Married, to day, and thou shalt be our Bride man.
Roger, thou art so fine a Man, and a fellow of so much wit, that, adad, I admire thy company.
Dear Harry, I present thee this token from Sicely thy Sweetheart; she says she will not be out-done by thee in kindness, and therefore has sent you a pair of Bandstrings in requital for the Gloves you gave her at the last Wake.
Oliver, thou art a Man of Parts, and I must hug thee; I know thou canst write and read, and in good time mayst come to be a Great Man, even the Clark of a Parish.
Will, I see you are a hopefull Lad; for all the Lasses in the Parish do so gloat upon thee.
Numph; how is it, Man, this Morning? What, up so soon after thy Wedding—Had I been in thy place, my Cows shou'd have lost their Fodder for once and not use it.
O, John! I see you are always hankering here about: Well, I'll be hang'd if thou hast not a Sweetheart in some corner hereabouts.
Country Expressions, or Complements, to Women.
DEar Margery, what shall I say to thy kindness! methinks I cou'd buss thee for it till to morrow morning.
Kind Jenny, it rejoices me to see how smug you are; thy neatness has often made my chaps water, Ill assure you.
Sweet Mistriss Prue, how long shall I pine, as they call it, and hang my head like a wither'd Tulip or Primrose, before thou'lt say, Honest Jack I am thine?
Cib, thou art my choice, and the Old man, my Father, approves it; therefore prick up thy Ears, and be glad.
Doli, thou art my Pigsnies; and I so much love thee, that methinks I cou'd smuggle thee till I have lost thee.
Kate, you little think what a grumbling you have caused in my Gizard above this fortnight; for, in troth, I was never so out of humour in all my life; adad, I was not as since I gazed upon thy pritty grey Eyes at the last Wake.
Well, Madge, I hear that thy Father and mine have made up the match over a Pot of Ale, and I am come to seal the bargain with a buss, and to let you know [Page 117]I'll fetch you upon my Roan Horse on Sunday next, and we'll be Married together.
Sweet Grace, I must own you are something handsome; but you are withall so cross and peevish, that a dog wou'd not live with you.
Well, Moll, I have got thy Mothers consent, and now am come to woo thee.
Mistriss Vrsula, methinks ye are the plumpest brown Lass in all the Parish; and cou'd I think you wou'd fall in love with me; I'd tell you a piece of my mind.
Jenny, Jenny—O you little prate-a-pace, thou haft a Tongue well hung; and if I thought you cou'd not scold, avads I'd have you home to be my Wife, and so buss ye when we are treading the Pease-mow together, thou canst hardly dream on't.
Fair Mistriss Peggy, you have so thralled my heart, that I am compelled to follow you as the Cart do's the Horses, where-ever you go.
Quaint and Complemental Expressions, in English Disticks, &c. to be used by Lovers to their Mistresses, on sundry occasions.
Mock-Complements, or Complements Burlesque in Trope and Figure.
SIR, that you are great, we know; nor do's that moving Mountain of Flesh you carry about you demonstrate you otherwise.
Sir, how shall I be able to admire your ingenuity seeing it is in all its effects invisible.
Sir, I wou'd lay my self at the feet of your under standing, if you wou'd be pleased to direct me by what marks I shou'd know it; but otherwise, fearing t [...] stumble upon your imbecillity, instead of it I am lo [...] to hazard the committing an error in friendship and till I am informed, shall suspend my further Complement.
Sir, the valuable esteem I have for your Person makes me pity you, seeing your Body and your So are so unequally matched.
Great Sir, I say my Littleness at your feet, [...] there I rest.
Sir, how happy wou'd they be that are raised to the hight of expectation by your large promises, did not you throw them from the Mountain of Hope, into the deep Valley of Despair, by the unkind hand of the Monster non-performance.
Sir, you carry a treasure about you that seems to deride the Indies; for your Face, if it deceives us not, may be taken for a Rock of Rubies.
I wou'd, Sir, with joy be proud of your friendship, if I thought it wou'd not be over-tedious.
Sir, you are as gay as the Bird that expands his gaudy Plumes to the Sun for Mortals to gaze and wonder at; and wise as the long-bill'd Creature, that scorns out of a generous valiantness to shun the danger of the snare.
'Tis impossible, Sir, but you shou'd be the dread of Mankind, since you are so fearfully made, that a Scare-crow is but a puny to you, and Will-in-the-Wisp but an Idiot.
Sir, you are pleasant, and wou'd be taken for a moving Comedy, did you live amongst the Wits.
Sir, great indeed have been my endeavours to screw my self into your acquaintance; since which time I may count my self happy in being made a Proficient in all the exaulted Nonsence imaginable.
Good Sir spare your cringing, and consider it is cast away on him that understands it not.
Sir, in your Anger you are as fierce, and altogether as dangerous, as the stoutest Lion in Smithfield-Pens.
Pray Sir, may it please you, for the satisfaction of those that wish your Absence, to let me have the honour of conducting you home.
Sir, I must confess you should be much admir'd for your ingenuity, breeding, and good parts, though the ungratefull World will allow no body to have the happiness of admiring you but your self.
Mock-Expressions, or Complements Burlesque, to the Female Sex, &c.
MAdam, your Beauties must needs be excellent, and like an Ignis faruis, lead Mankind astray since your Eyes have perpetual Twinkles, bright as Candles burnt within the Socket.
Madam, your Virtues are like the Phoenix, very rare to be found.
Kind Mistriss, your favours are dispensed to all and so common, that no Man need fear in the least to participate of them.
Madam, the severity of your Countenance is a scurge to transgression; for whosoever looks wishfully upon you in the very moment of his hot-boiling blood, will be antidoted against Lechery.
Madam, the World must needs be melancholy when you are taken from it, seeing you are the Comedy of Mankind, and the Acting-Stage of Recreation.
Madam, the Rosey-colour of Brickbat, mixed with the Amber-colour of Cowslips, adorn your lovely Face, and make it aimable to those that can contemplate and admire your Beauties.
Madam, the Ornament of your Hair hangs dangling like the Roots of Cedars; and to catch Lovers, you expand it as the Spider do's her Web, to intrap the Fiies, though not with that caution; for your Nets are so wide, that even the intangled Culleys creep through and escape.
Madam, that you have been Man's meat, appears by the wanton twinkles of your Eyes, and the Ruins of a tollerable good Face; but alas, Time that enemy to Beauty, has dried you to a Cinder, and lest you only Desire, where you are not to be desired.
Madam your inclinations to pursue Virtue, appear a many things; but you follow it with so slow a [...]ace, that 'tis doubted by some whether you will ever [...]er-take it.
Madam, we might, without doubt, have justly terned you fair, had not deformity been unmannerly to [...]ake place of your beauty.
Madam, your Gravity apears in every action, since [...]ime has been hasty to furrow your Face with wrinkl'd [...]onour, and reduced your Beauty to the complection of a blasted Oak.
Lady, the toss you have with your Head, and that [...]ect with your Buttocks, denote you to be a Woman of fine breeding, and to have much conversation with French Dancing-masters, who will have all the wit to lye in Mimmick Postures, &c.
Lady, your Teeth in their yellowness exceed the Amber, and may well be compared to Crysolites.
Madam, the Scarlet-livory your Face wears denotes you to be kind to your self in making glad your heart, and casting away care.
Madam, so great are the obligations wherewith you [...]ave loaded me, that I must lay down my burthen, or I shall faint under them.
Your understanding, sweet Lady, has so large a Country to travel in, that it can rarely be found.
Madam, you have so far obliged me, that I must study the Art of Memory to retain the thoughts of your obligations, least they slip out of my mind, whilst you forget not to tax me with ingratitude.
Madam, ye're so lovely, sweet and charming, that [...]ow I cou'd spend at least half an hour to tell you how much I love you, did not important business [...]rudge me the loss of so much time.
Posies, or Motto's, to be used on sundry occasions.
Read these, though divided, Cross-ways; As, Madam, my Heart Is your desert, &c.
Mournfull Epethites.
Read these as the former.
Short EPITAPHS.
The most exact Collection of choice SONGS, upon sundry occasions, as they are Sung in Court, City and Country: To the newest & most delightful Tunes, &c.
The Lover's Happiness: A new Song.
The Lovely Thief surpriz'd: A Song.
The Triumph: A Song.
The New Transport: A Song.
The Marry'd Man's Comfort: A Song.
Beauties Ruin: A Song.
The Melancholy Lover: A Song.
The Parley: A Song.
The Victory, or Beauties Conquest: A Song.
The Shepherd's Delight: A new Song.
The Night-Adventure: A new Song.
The Fickle Lover: A Song.
The Good-fellow: A Song.
The Amorous Courtier: A new Song.
The Loyalist: A Song.
The Daughters Request.
Celia Restored to her Empire, or The Wandring Shepherd's Return: A new Song.
The Conquest of Coyness: A Song.
The Down-right Courtier to his Coy Mistriss: A Song.
The Power and Force of Love: A Song.
The Comparison: A Song.
The Jovial Boys: A Song.
The Indifferent Lover: A Song.
The Bully: A Song.
The Amorous Lover's Advice to his Mistriss: A Song.
The Lover's Excuse: A Song.
The Constant Lover's Complaint: A Song.
The bouncing Bully: A new Song.
Content is True Happiness: A Song.
The Downfall of Plain-Dealing: A Song.
The Hero: A new Song.
Mariana's Complaint: A new Song.
The Maiden's Grief: A new Song.
The Torment of Disdain: A Song.
The Invitation to Love: A Song.
To Flora: A Song.
Against Drunkenness: A new Song.
The Forsaken Mistriss: A Song.
The Misse's Confession: A Song.
The Parting Farewell: A Song.
The Jolly Fellow's good Wish: A Song.
The Lover's Complaint to his Scornfull Mistriss: A new Song.
The Debate: A Song.
The Reply: A Song.
Upon MONEY: A Song.
The Slighted Lover: A new Song.
She wou'd seem Angry: A Song.
The Recovery of Love: A Song.
On Fading Beauty: A Song.
Advice to his Fair Mistriss: A Song.
A new Song, in two Parts; or, The True Lover's Joy.
The Mourning Lover for his Departed Mistriss: A new Song.
THE SECOND PART, CONTAINING The whole Art and Mystery of COURTSHIP: With Infallible Rules to succeed therein.
Adorned with Eloquence, and furnished with Cordial Advice.
MEN and Women were made for the Society of each other: and this Society becomes the more delectable when Beauty assists our Desire. For as it is natural for Men and Women to desire, so is it as natural for them to desire what is most pleasing, which is Beauty.
Beauty then consists in the Lineaments and Perfections of the Body, and the actions and demeanour of that beautifull Body. For there are some who have Beauty, but no beautifull deportment. Others who have something, I cannot tell what that pleases, who cannot for all that be call'd beautifull. There are also some Beauties more proper for the Addresses of Love and Courtship; and of those I will give you a description, first in reference to Women.
For the Subject of Love and Address, he that would chuse aright, must chuse a young Lass of Eightee? years of age, moderately plump, strait and tall, the air of her Countenance lofty and majestick, her Head well set on, her Eyes sweet and laughing, of a black colour, her Mouth of a moderate wideness, her Teeth white, her Forehead enclining rather to be small than large, but insensibly arched; her Cheeks full, her Hair black, the compass of her Visage round, at the same time let her Shoulders be large and fleshie; her Breasts hard, well divided, and su [...]taining themselves; her Arms thick and plump; her Skin neither too white nor too brown, but of a mixture between both. As to her Conditions, let her be decently and fashionably habited, modest and gay in her actions, not over-talkative, yet witty in her discourse. When she appears naked, let her have a full, round Belly, little Feet, and turning outward, a Leg somewhat plum in the middle, Knees short and small, a wellrais'd Thigh, well furnished with hard and round Buttocks, a small Waft.
As for the Beauty of a Man, it consists chiefly in his shape and proportion, and in the strength of his body; however, let him be fashionable, as well in his habit as behaviour; let him be rather lean than fat, his Hair long and curling upon his shoulders, his Neck short and free, with a Breast velveted with short hair; his Shoulders, Reinsand Buttocks large and brawnie.
These are the exactnesses of Perfection required in both Sexes, but because all persons are not both to be accomplished, therefore as well Men as Women must be content with their fortune: However, when a Man first goes about to court a Mistriss, let her be such a one, as to his fancy may seem to excell all other Women. She must be the Only person agreeable and pleasing to her Lover, or else his Courtship will be only dis [...]mulation.
Being thus fix'd upon his choice, the Wooer is next [...]o observe the Disposition of his Mistriss, that he may [...]he better be able to frame himself to please her humour; wherein great care must be taken as to two [...]hings, Complyance and Double-diligence. Complyance [...]equires a most dutifull respect and obedience to her Will. Whatever she says or commands, there must [...] no contradiction. If she will have red to be green, [...] let it be; if she will have blew to be black, it must [...] so. However, he must not be a faint-hearted Woer neither—Let him have a good opinion of [...]imself, and believe their is no Virgin in the World that can get the force of his Courtship; and that he [...]as no more to doe but to spread his Net, and the bird will be taken: For you may as soon believe that the Birds will leave chattering in the Spring, or that Grashoppers will cease to sing in Summer, as that a [...]rightly Virgin will refuse the Courtship of a handlime person, and a smooth tongue; for stol'n Sweets [...] as gratefull to VVomen as to Men at all times: [...]ly it is convenient that the Men should ask the Question first, VVomen being suppos'd to be the more [...]odest. Observe, that the first Visits are con [...]m'd in the mute language of the Eye, and the dis [...]urses only of sighs and amorous glances, which are [...]ot so insignificant, but that the age of fourteen un [...]erstands the meaning of them to a Miracle; and the [...]an shall soon find that he is understood by the [...]shes in his Mistresses Cheeks, when he casts his Eye [...]pon her. For there is no Beauty without a flame, [...]or any flame without a fire; and, as the Song says,
[Page 172]But let a Man be as confident of his Parts as he pleases, 'tis good to have an Interest in his Mistresses Chamber, and an Instrument near her Elbow; to which end no person so fit as the Maid that combs her Hair in a Morning, to speak in his praise, and to take all opportunities to tell her Mistress the greatness of his affection, and to win the young Virgin to have pity upon her Lovers languishing condition.
He that courts a young Widow, may doe well to enquire out his Mistresses Confident, and besure to make fair weather with her; 'tis a never-failing way; for such carry a great stroak in Love affairs, whether it be for the better, or for the worse.
These are outward helps, but as to personal advantages, there is a greater secret that lyes in the proper management of words and protestations; of which a Woer ought never to be sparing, for they cost him little; and so that there is no person in the World but may be as rich as he pleases in Promises. However, besure not to go beyond the limits of Pe [...]formance, for extravagant Vows and Promises soon betray the falseness of a Man's intentions, and that he never intends to be as good as his word. But as for future obedience and subjection, rule and command, and a hundred of those gayeties, as impossibility of [...] ving without her, or of ever being happy; if she prove cruel and remorsless, these things not only please, but move compassion.
Neither let a Woer be niggardly of his Commendations. Extoll the Lineaments of her Face, commend the colour and softness of her Hair, her round Fingers and her little Feet. Nothing can be more gratefull then to commend in Women what they are so proud of, and so carefull to preserve. Nor will a few modest Protestations be amiss to confirm what you say [Page 173]especially if she seem incredulous; for some there are that will hardly be induced to believe their Lover, although he spoke never so true without them; nor must a Woer omit to intermix now and then with a kiss or two, by such surprizes as he shall find most convenient to his opportunities, in the midst of his Amorous discourse. Perhaps she will resist at first, and give a Man a sharp reproof. But that resistance is only to shew that she desires not to be overcome without resistance. However, let the Man be carefull of being rude or boysterous, or of giving his Mistriss occasion of complaining that his Kisses are hard, and unseasonably stol'n from her. She that admits of kissing, and will not take the rest, deserves to loose what she has already receiv'd. After free admission to a Ladies lips, the Lady that refuses to satisfie her Servants lawfull desires, shews more of Clownery than Modesty. For though it may be cal [...]'d a kind of Force to kiss without leave, yet it is a sort of Violence not unpleasing to young Ladies.
The next part of Courtship of Officiousness and Double-diligence. As for example, if a young Woer see the least speck of dirt of lint upon his Mistrisses Garment, let him be sure to brush it off; if there be none, yet let him brush off nothing to keep himself in employment. If her Fan or her Glove fall by accident, let him be in an instant ready to take them up. Slight services many times create a deep affection. The very reaching of a Chair, or laying a Cushion seasonably and opportunely, are many times civilities never forgotten. And he, that by such little pieces of servi [...]de as these, has a prospect of enjoying his wishes, were a fool to stand upon his punctilio's.
In making of Presents, he is unwise who is lavish; however, a Man must take care that his Presents be proper. In the Spring Posies and Flowers; in the [Page 174]latter end of the year the choicest Fruits; and let him be sure to say they were far-fetch'd and dear-bought, and that they grew in such a Garden, though he purchased them in the next Market. There are also many other Toys of little value which insinuate acceptance, and make way for the Presenter, of which he shall never have any reason to repent the bestowing, should he in the end loose his aim.
If at any time he hears of his Mistriss being indisposed, let him be sure to give diligent attendance upon her, be with her as early and as late as decency will permit; and let him be sure to doe her all those services which she will accept at his hands; such te [...] monies of affection lay an obligation, and few young Ladies would be accounted guilty of ingratitude There have been some Lovers that would never leave their Mistresses, when they have lain sick of the Small Pox, but have still taken all occasions to attend a [...] divertise them; and, which is more, then at the same time when their Mistresses Beauty seemed almost quite defaced, have made the same Vows and Protestation of their deep affection, as in the time of their mo [...] flourishing health.
In sending of Letters, whether it be to retur [...] thanks, express affection, and give under your han [...] the Testimonies of your Love, or to make Complaint a Woer must be sure to be plain and easie; High [...] flown Expressions, and Cramp-words, are not for L [...] dies; but let them be such as he would give if he we [...] present himself, smooth and flattering. If she sho [...] chance to refuse to receive it, and send it back aga [...] let him hope however that she will read one at leng [...] and never leave sending till he has vanquish'd t [...] piece of Female-obstinacy. His perseverance will [...] vercome Penelope his self; for Troy was taken, thoug [...] it were long first. The same method is to be obleved, [Page 175]though she send him bad tidings at first, and desire him hot to solicit her any more in that kind. For she is afraid of being taken at her word, and wishes that may come to pass, which she forbids.
These are the General Rules to be observed in Courtship: But now, because no Courtship can be made without Words, we shall set down some forms upon many occasions; not that the same forms of words are to be always observed, but to be varied as fancy moves, which always guides a true Lover, and makes him Eloquent.
Addresses and Replies proper in Courtship, &c. to Court a Young Gentlewoman.
The Address.
FAir Lady, attracted as well by your Virtues as your Beauty, I come to offer you my service at the shrine of your perfection, desiring you to excuse my boldness, as being compell'd by Love, whose irresistible Power no mortal is able to withstand.
The Answer.
Sir, for you Rhetorical Expression I should give [...]on commendations; but where Complements are strained so high, the Tongue is seldom the true Interpreter of the Heart. Therefore if you would have me to think any Reality in your Speech, leave your Complements; for Truth requires not Art to cover it.
The Address.
Madam, I desire to be rightly understood. Then [...]e me leave to say it is your bright beauty that as enthrall'd my affection; those fair eyes of yours [Page 176]have wounded my Heart, which nothing but the Balsom of your Love can make whole again.
The Answer.
Oh! Sir, you must pardon me, if I think you flatter: I cannot think my Beauty has such force to work such great effects within your heart.
The Reply.
Say not so, dear Madam, for if you felt the force of Love's Dart as I doe, and as I wish you did, you would say that nothing can affect a Soul, like the pain which I endure for your sake. Pity then my condition, and consider with your self that your fair Eyes have too much brightness in them to serve for baits or allurements of a dissembling Lover.
The Answer.
Sir, you must pardon me if I doubt of the sincerity of your affection till farther tryal; I shall therefore suspend my Answer, till Time shall make known your reality. In the mean time live in hope; yet know, that I shall never cherish any Love but what has Vertue at the end on't.
The Reply.
Fair Madam, I return you Thanks, and may the Heavens so far prosper my suit, as Vertue and Honour are the sole ends that I propose.
Another way. The Address.
Fair Maid, I know not which way to open to you the secrets of my breast; my tongue falters in its discourse, as not being used to these attempts. But this however I must acknowledge, that you are the Only She on whom my affections are placed: You are the only Saint whom I adore; the end and aim of all my desires and hopes.
The Answer.
You speak too high language for me, Sir; and [...] unworthiness checks me to think I deserve it. B [...] [Page 177]you Men love to flatter, and with smooth words to delude young Maids, and then laugh at their condescending folly.
The Reply.
If my Tongue and Heart doe not agree, may the one be strick'n dumb, and the other punish'd with disdain where it most affects. No, all that is mine is no less yours, then are my own thoughts and words. Nor can I ever doe so much for you, but that the affection wherewith I adore you, and the constancy I shall observe in your service will prove, as you shall find, far greater.
The Answer.
Love, I am told, laughs at Perjuries; and Men believe Womens hearts to be made of wax, fit to receive any impression that a smooth tale puts upon them. But I am not so young to believe all they say; not so unwise by a few flattering words to enter Love's Labyrinth, wherein so many before me have lost their way.
The Reply.
Fair Maid, be not so cruel to him that so dearly affects you. Narcissus disdaining others, was at last punish'd with the love of himself. Beauty is but a blossom, and therefore fading. Time forces Youth to give place to Age. And most commonly those who disdain others when young, live till they loose the hopes of opportunity.
The Answer.
Could I assure my self your love were real, Opinion might alter, and Fancy might fix, where now it distrusts. I might say that I were yours, were I sure that you were really mine. Yet this know, that if I find you faithfull, you may expect a better answer at your return.
The Answer.
In confidence of that happiness, I shall not fail to give you several Visits, and every time new Testimonies of the Reality of my affections.
To Wooe a Widow, the surest way.
The Address.
COme, Widow, it is now time to dry away Tears from your Eyes, and to bethink you of another Husband. It is too much for one single Woman to take all the care of a Family upon her, and therefore I come to offer my service to be a partner with you in this Trouble.
The Answer.
I thank you, Sir, for your kind proffer, but I am not yet resolv'd to alter my Condition. The remembrance of so dear and kind a Husband cannot so soon dye, nor let me entertain a new a Lover into my heart.
The Reply.
You know, Widow, 'tis a true saying, We must live by the Quick, and not by the Dead. And therefore doe not think the Stock of good Husbands so far spent, but that there is still one left, who can equal, if not exceed him, in every degree.
The Answer.
Such Husbands are thick sown, but come up this. However, Sir, I speak not this of you. For, I confess, if I were minded to Marry, I should embrace your love as soon as any one that I know. But being now free, I intend not to put my self under subjection any more.
The Reply.
Be not so much an enemy, Madam, to your own good, as through a foolish nicety, to debar your self the pleasures of a second Marriage-bed.
The Answer.
Good Sir, if you love me, shew it in this, to cease your suit at this time; for, to tell you true, I am not now in the loving vein.
The Reply.
Then farewell, Widow, for this time: yet doe not think I will not come again. Women were made to be wone, and therefore Denial is no disgrace.
An Address of Courtship; or, The Passionate Wooer.
MY Vital breath runs coldly through my veins; I am sick for your love, dearest Lady; neither is there any thing but your own Heart can heal me. Believe me, fairest of Women, there is nothing beneath the Moon, but your frown, can grive me.
Sir, Methinks this is a strange fit.
Lady, Count not my love light, because 'tis suddain. For by Cupia's Shafts, I swear, I never knew what Love was till now.
Sir, I intreat you not to wrong your self, and me. Your Love is violent, and soon will have a period: for that is most perfect love which loves for ever.
Madam, Such love is mine, believe me; for although Men use to lye, yet do I speak truth. And therefore, Madam, give me sentence of speedy life or death: Can you affect so mean a person?
Truly, Sir, I should deny my thoughts, to give you an absolute denial, yet must I not turn disloyal to former [Page 180]promises; and therefore let this suffice, I cannot wrong my friend.
Then here my love must end, and in your presence thus for love I dye.
Nay hold, Sir, these are such Soul-killing Passions, I had rather wrong my friend, then that you should wrong your self.
Love me, dear Soul, or else my life is but delay'd. my Vow is fix'd in Heaven, and no fear shall move me. For my life is a death that tortures me, unless you love me.
Give me then but a little respit, and I will resolve you.
Alas, Madam, my heart denies it; my blood is violent; now or else never love me. Love me, and both Art and Nature shall strive at large to be profuse in ravishing your sence. I will entice dalliance from thee with smiles, and steal away thy heart with my chaft Kisses.
Well, Sir, I yield, and am all your own.
An Amorous Complaint.
LAdy, Wounded by your beauty, I will acknowledge it a mercy if you kill me not. Yet rather murther me then, Vulnerate still your Creature, unless you mean to heal what still you hurt; giving me a remedy from the same Instruments wherewith you pierced me. Your Eye having shot lightning into my breast, hath power with a smile to fetch out the consuming fire, and yet leave my heart enflam'd.
Sir, Although, where I am not guilty of an offence, I might justly deny to descend to a satisfaction. Yet rather then I would be accounted a Murtherer, I would study to preserve so sweet a Model as your self. And [Page 181]since you desire that my Eyes, which have enflamed you, should by the vertue of a gracious smile, make you happy in your fire, they shall shine as you would have them; disclaim that beam that displays it self upon another Object.
A thousand Thanks to my dear Saint.
The Tryal.
MAdam, if the Opportunities of serving you, were as ordinary as those of speaking to you, I had render'd you as many Services, as I have spoken words. I dare not confirm them always with the same Testimonies; and since I am so little capable of perswasion, I fear I shall discover my ignorance, and not my servitude.
Sir, I am of opinion, that the custom of perswasion is only us'd there, where truth is wanting; and therefore seeing you have always protested the Truth, you ought now to make use of it, else you will make your Oaths, and my Credit, as indifferent as your Word and Assurance would be.
Madam, the Cunning of a discourse shall never do me such an ill office, as to make me believe an untruth; for I am ignorant of the custom and invention thereof, which shall cause me not to seek out such an enterprize, to the end that being warranted from the disturbance, which I find between the Resolution and the Event, I should not give you that for an assurance, that the whole World seeing so noble a [...]esign as mine, will judge that I owe an Eternal perse [...]rance to it.
Sir, be advis'd to confirm your mind to your words, [...] time will give us always opportunity to distinguish [...]tween those that are feigned, and those that are [Page 182]real. Truly I must make this Promise in answer to your Promises; that if I doe not find them true, you will repent to have so vainly lost them. For I shall always reserve to my self this power, either to reject or accept of what you render me.
Madam, why should your belief take any ill impression of your Servant? I do call Love and your Beauty to witness, that I shall always preserve my self the same.
Well, Sir, I shall content my self at present with your drift, notwithstanding that I shall expect better assurances.
Madam, be confident you shall draw as much fidelity from your Conquest, as I expect honour and happiness from my subjection.
But I desire to know whether your Promises shall be as faithfully kept as your Oaths.
Much more, Madam; for I can give you but wea [...] words, which my ignorance furnishes me withall, where by you work effects worthy a glorious death.
Will you then dye for me too, Sir?
Yes, Madam; for that which would be a death [...] others, would be a life to me, provided it came from your hand.
Live then, Sir, and take heed your Repentance [...] not kill you.
Tis well then, Madam, I shall live your Serva [...] and live long through the worth of my Preserver.
The Demand of Assurance.
FAirest, it is now time that I should require [...] you some Assurances of your friendship, beca [...] I cannot grant you that authority which you [...] [Page 183]over my affections, but by the services which I am willing to render to your power. The proof whereof depends upon Opportunity, and the Opportunity upon your Commands: Swear to me therefore by your fair Eyes, that you love that which they have subdu'd, that I may boast my Ruin to be as well a mark of my Glory, as of your Puissance.
Do you think, Sir, that that which is ruin'd by the Eyes, can be belov'd by the Heart.
Dear Lady, why should not you affect that love which you your self have created? would you cause it to be born, and dye at the same instant? That would be the action of an inconstant soul.
Sir, it is you that run the hazard of being call'd inconstant: For if Love proceed from Merit, you will soon find some one more worthy of your affection than my self.
Madam, I shall never seek the means to find any more signal worth then what you your self possess. It is permitted to those who are less worthy to have such jealousies; but not to you whose beauty has such a super-eminence above all other in the World. No, Madam, take counsel of your own worth, and it will shew the fair Election I have made; how impossible it is to be chang'd; the design coming from the judgment of the Soul, which being divine, cannot err. But, Sir, they say that Love is very subject to Knowledge: of which you being so well provided, 'tis to be fear'd that you may make use of those agreeable diversities, that love do's every day present to unfaithfull Lovers.
Madam, may he banish me from his Empire, if I have any other will then what is agreeable to his. He sees that I am yours, so his Power and my Will [...]re agreed; my Designs concur with his Commands.
Sir, I believe that Love himself knew not how to force you to love.
Madam, he was afraid least he should be made himself a slave: He has no force able to resist your Puissnnce, unless it be your own. Therefore since you have this Glory entire to your self, to have vanquish'd all the World, there remains nothing more but that you should vanquish your self.
Sir, I can do any thing else but vanquish, having neither Will nor Thought that doth not render obedience to the Duty, which I have taken to be the perfect guide of my life.
Madam, you oppose your designs to my prayers, to the end this refusal should redouble my Passion, and cause me to persist more eagerly in the pursuit of your tempting Graces. Yet it suffices, that the pain and difficulty of the Request will remain the Glory of my Conquest.
Sir, if your Difficulties are the things that can create your Glories, why do you complain?
Madam, I do not repine at the pain, but at your unkindness that will not acknowledge it. But if you have no such unkindness, I conjure your fair Lips to produce some assurance of your friendship.
Well, Sir, then I promise in reference to your servitude, to acknowledge it for the price of your Constancy; and believe [...], [...]hat as my true Passion doth only oblige me, so there is no adjuration shall have power over me.
Madam, I wish I could transform my whole W [...] into words, to render you sufficient thanks for th [...] favourable promise. But since I am not born capable of such a happiness, I will only say this, That [...] to whom your favours are so liberally extended, sh [...] pass the rest of his days in your service.
An Address of perfect Courtship.
LAdy, who are inspir'd with all the Praises that belong to your Sex, I am come to offer you my services, which you may at present only call Obedient, hoping that your better knowledge of it will style it faithfull.
Sir, I think Fame is more favourable to me then Truth, since all that has been publish'd concerning me proves so false; and therefore you have reason to present me your feigned service, in obedience to my feigned merit.
Madam, you wrong your Beauty, which being so great, can work no other designs in me, but those of only honouring you.
Sir, This confirms my former Opinion; for seeing my self without beauty, of which you cannot be ignorant, I must necessarily be unprovided of all those services that ddpend thereon.
Madam, I fear I should sin against the Truth, should I put my self to the trouble to make you see them. It is a thing so visible of it self, that by endeavouring to demonstrate it by words, I should presume to assist your judgment.
Sir, I find you are easily able to overcome my Rhetorick, but not my Belief.
Madam, I am confident to shew this advantage, by shewing the proofs of my Obedience, that Men will condemn your misbelief to authorize my true Sayings.
Sir, Such kind of words as these are usual in this [...], which promise always a great deal of service, [...]t perform little but outward Complements.
Madam, 'Tis very ordinary to swear the same words, but a thing very extraordinary to make them afterwards appear to be truth. But that which may assure you I do not walk the common path is this, That I know your beauty to be such, as is only to be serv'd by Knowledge, not by Imitation; which makes my design glorious, and my enterprize noble, that waits on such an Object.
Sir, I know not how you can call this an Enterprize, since your design is more easie then courageous; and a noble Enterprize has always difficulties that oppose it.
Madam, My resolution to serve you is so magnanimous, that there can no ill fortune attend upon it: For if you make the end happy, it will be always as honour to my Courage, to have and to pretend [...] your accomplish'd Graces.
Sir, Since you establish your Content upon unhapness, your hopes cannot deceive you much: or if they do deceive you, [...]twill be in making you happy another way.
Madam, I can easily count it an honour to ser [...] you, as being oblig'd by your Merit, and my Obedience.
Sir, I shall never counsel a generous Soul to stop at such a design, since his Resolution is so low, that [...] fallibly both the Design must fall, and Repentance ensue
Madam, That which animates me more to doe [...] service, is this, That I shall receive this honour fro [...] the Enterprize, that there is no small difficulty [...] performing it, with that perfection which it require [...]
Sir, If you give such proofs as you offer of yo [...] services, you shall be acknowledg'd through the [...] Empire of Love.
Madam, Since I have the courage to pretend to the Merit of your fair Graces, I shall take care to keep my self constant; and certainly it behoves me, there being so strict a watch over us.
To make known an Affection for a Mistriss.
MAdam, Among all the days of my life, I must account this the happiest, wherein I had the honour first to know you.
Sir, If I knew any thing in my self worthy your Merits, I should esteem my self oblig'd to employ it to your Honour; but there being in me nothing but imperfection, I do not imagine how the knowledge of me can any way contribute to your content, much less to your well-being.
Madam, I am so sensible of your may perfections, that I find my self oblig'd to honour them to the utmost of my power, and to offer you my most humble service.
Sir, This is your curtesie and favour that seek to qualifie my defects, only to shew the excellent Endowments that Nature has bestow'd upon you.
Pardon me, Madam, 'tis the inchanting force of your worth and beauty, which oblige me not only to honour you, but to seek an interest in your Graces.
Sir, All that a Daughter of Honour owes to a Person of your Merit, you have already at your devotion. I respect your Qualities, admire your Vertues, and wish you a happiness answerable to the nobleness of your designs
Believe it, Madam, that my desires are good, and that my affection, if your wishes flow from a sincere [Page 188]intention to oblige me, is the most happy that ever was in the World.
Pardon me, Sir, I'ave not so piercing an Apprehension to understand the meaning of your intentions. That which I say, is upon no other account then to render you the honour and respect which is due to you.
It is true, madam, I do you wrong to go about to make you believe, that which I have never made apparent by any certain proof. However, that shall not hinder me from telling you, that your perfections have so far encaptivated my affection, that I have resolved neither to love nor to serve any other but your self. I therefore only intreat you, to esteem any affection real, and to perfect your own wishes.
Certainly, Sir, I cannot believe you would set your affection upon a person so inconsiderable. It suffices me to have the honour to know you; and I desire your good fortune may guide you to some person more worthy your esteem.
Madam, My resolution is unfeigned to serve you to the utmost of my power: nor do's your refusal diminish any thing of my affection; take it only for granted, that I desire to be your servant.
Sir, I am not Mistriss of my self, and for that reason cannot accept of your offer: but if you shall find that the affection which you say you bear me, is well lik'd of by my Parents, I shall esteem my self very much honou'rd in your love, and shall, as far as Vertue will permit, do any thing to assure you of my good will.
Lady, You infinitely oblige me, for which I retur [...] you many Millions of thanks: I shall seek all occasio [...] to obtain the leave of your Parents, in the mea [...] while honour me with your Commands, and suffe [...] me to kiss your hands.
Sir, I am your very humble Servant.
The DEPARTURE.
ADieu, dear Beauty, it behoves me to be banish'd from you, that I may dispose my soul to esteem you the more: one way by the loss of your presence, another way by recollecting the thoughts of past happiness.
Truly, Sir, you have very great reason to make use of your fancy: For Fancy and Thoughts will forge imaginary Merits, where your Eyes and Judgment will find the contrary.
You do very well to make use of a new custom; I believe you would perswade your self to speak false, that you might have an advantage over every one that breaths nothing but the truth.
Is it possible that such a Vanity should make you offend that which I honour, and you possess? Truly, Madam, you will gain nothing by it but the pleasure of fine words.
Call them rather true, and then you will speak Truth your self.
You continue, Madam, acquiring new glories to your perswasions, by maintaining Paradoxes against your beauty, which will be always perfect in it self, though not in your opinion.
Sir, were I perfect, I should know my self; Perfection being the knowledge of one's self. If then you will allow me that, I may be permitted to style my self very poor in Merits. But you would pervade the contrary to exercise your parts, knowing [...]at 'tis a greater honour to vanquish the Truth, [...]hen to sustain it.
Madam, the design which I have to serve you, may give you testimony sufficient of that power which you have to dispose of me▪ In one moment I saw you possessed of a thousand Wonders, and at the same moment I was sensible of a thousand Torments of Love: and being capable of nothing but admiration, methought that this beauty was in the World for no other end, but to deserve, and form to be obedient to. I see no reason fairest, that the belief which I have taken, with the clearest judgment that I have of your beauty, should be swallow'd up with your misbelieving opinions.
They say that Contradiction animates persons the more; and therefore I will be silent to suppress these unjust praises. Perhaps you will have pity on my feeble resistance, and be weary of conquering so easily.
Madam, 'tis rather my self that ought to be silent, being so lately in an Astonishment. But as for you, Madam, it would be a sin against your fair Lips, whose words are Oracles.
Then pray Sir, why do not you believe what I say? for all Oracles are truth.
But why will you rather, Madam, by perswasion hinder the belief, which I have taken with sight and judgment? For I will believe your Beauty against all your unbelief and undervaluings; and also continue the services I have sworn you against any thing that shall hinder it. My attempt also has promis'd my design, that future Ages shall admire your merit, and my subjection, and record us as the most faithfull Lovers in Love's Dominions.
I fear, Sir, Time will alter this opinion.
Time. Madam, can do nothing against what Love has ordain'd: He is the Master of Fortune, and an Enemy to Change. But wherefore this superfluity [Page 191]of speech? It is better to believe by the force of sight, [...]en by the force of perswasion. And therefore at [...]is time it is more necessary for me to demand Re [...]edies for this separation, the apprehension whereof [...]akes me endure this present pain.
Sir, do but forget your design, and you will [...]oid the pain that will follow, and also the Repen [...]nce.
No, Madam, I shall keep the Memory of my [...]sign Eternally, and shall always see painted before [...]e the glory of my Enterprize. Adieu, dear Beauty, [...] shall never cast your Eyes downward, but you [...]all see lying at your feet him that admires you, nor [...]er elevate your Thoughts to your deserts, but you [...]all remember your Conquest. Adieu fairest, for [...] I leave the Sun, and go to seek out Night, and [...]rrow's Cell.
The RETURN.
I Come now, Madam, to receive as much content from your chearfull Countenance, the loss of it has yielded me Sorrow; I know the [...]d will now be as great as the Evil, since they pro [...]d both from the same cause.
Sir, I do believe you receive the one, as well [...]ou have suffered the other. But I beseech you, [...] tell me whence that pain proceeds, which you say [...] did endure; for as for my self, I believe the plea [...] of thinking is greater then that of seeing.
Madam, it is permitted me to think, but [...]erience forbids me to believe that Opinion: For [Page 192]I receive from my thoughts only a good imagination; but the sight cannot err.
But however it is said, Sir, that the Presence only contents the Eyes, which are mortal; but Absence exercises the Soul, which is divine; and therefore if Absence any way afflicted you, you might easily have avoided it.
It was some good Genius, Madam, that took me lately from your Eyes, that I might the better value the happiness of their luster, and avoid the extremity of that pain, which the loss of them made me endure, causing in me such an impatience to return to you, that every hour I stay'd from you seem'd an Age.
That which is foreseen is easily avoided. Now you perceive whence the evil that you speak of proceeds. Nay. the little occasion you had to fear it, makes you find it out willingly. Therefore blame your own desires, which have procur'd you this Evil, and complain not upon Destiny, which is always just.
My will is not the cause; for then I should fly my self, and come back to you. But, Love, to abuse me the more, gave me the desire, and hinder'd the effect. Though I believe it to be one of his Destinies; in regard it behoves a true passion to overcome the Violence of all Opposition by a diligent [...] Constancy.
Full Satisfaction.
Madam, the day wherein I had the happiness to present my soul and affection to you, and when you made an entire Conquest of all that was within me, I had also a thousand Jealousies of Misfortune; for the fairest Conquests are always cross'd, and my small merit did not permit me the honour of your friendship. Since then that you and my good fortune have deceiv'd my apprehension; therefore by how much the more extraordinary the affection is which you have testified to me, so much the more carefully shall I keep the obligation which I have to serve you.
Not me, Sir, I never could pretend to your favour: That's a happiness, which, I swear, my desire both rather enjoy, than my hope; and there is a reason for it, since you are the possessor of so many rich malities.
I see, Madam, I shall possess nothing hereaf [...]er, since I must take all from my self to bestow it up [...] her, for whose sake I could willingly suffer my self [...] be robb'd of all.
When I shall enjoy that happiness, the Gift [...]ill be much greater then all I can yet call my own.
Teach me, Madam, how I may swear, and [...]ou shall see what use I will make of it; to assure you, [...]at I am wholly yours, and that which Love gives [...]ou now, can never be taken from you but by [...]eath.
Sir, be confident that I shall diligently seek all [...]pportunities to deserve you; and receive these words [...] the most infallible that ever faith swore.
Madam, I shall live always at your Devotion.
And I, Sir, living to you, shall live to my self.
Then, Lady, let us tye our souls together with this Kiss. And now this Enterprize having given me so much joy as to think of it, I will go sacrifice my Silence to your judgment.
The Anatomy of BEAUTY.
HAIR.
HER Hair is like the Beams that adorn Apollo's Head.
Love twists the Hair of her inchanting Locks, to make Strings for Cupi [...]'s Bow.
Locks so aptly trimm'd, that every Hair catches a Soul, insnaring all beholders.
Her Hair so is radient, that Love sits fetter'd in those golden snares.
The Amorous Cordage that binds all Hearts to her in Cupid's Bonds.
FACE.
In her Face all the Graces in her mind, all the Vertues are met.
He that views her mild Aspect, were he the most savage of all Creatures, he would derive a new nature from her Beauty.
So full is she of Majesty, that Aurora blushes to see a Countenance brighter than her own.
Beautie's Elysium; Perfection's Magazine, where Roses with unsully'd Lillies mix.
A Face above the flattery of Rhetorick or Glass.
Her Looks have more entertainment than all the vain pomp which the Persians ever taught the World.
FOREHEAD.
The stately Fort from whence the winged Archer discharges his Artillery.
A clear Promontory, where sweet Violets grow.
A stately Prospect, shewing like a fair Castle commanding some goodly Country.
EYES.
Her Eyes dart lightning through the Air.
The Stars borrow new Luster from her more radi [...]nt Eyes.
They are able to grace the Heavens, and beautifie the Sky in the clearest Night.
They are Nature's richest Diamonds set in foils of [...]olish'd Ivory.
SMILES.
Her Smiles are so gracefull, and full of comfort, [...]hat with them she is able to revive a dying Lover.
EARS.
Her Ears are watchfull Sentinels, that let no words [...]f weight pass unregarded.
CHEEKS.
Her Cheeks shew like Lillies spread upon Roses.
Nature painted the Colour thereof in the most glo [...]ous Tulips. They are Slips of Paradise, not to be [...]ather'd, but wonder'd at.
NOSE.
Her Nose is strait, and of a stately frame.
The comely Ornament of a most exquisite Face.
LIPS.
Her Lips are like the full-ripe Cherry.
Cupid drinks Nectar from her Rosie Portals.
They are Sister Corals, that kiss each other.
Lands where Rocks of Rubies grow.
Love's Rubie Altars still they show.
TEETH.
Her Teeth are ranks of Orient Pearl.
The double pearlie guard of Speech.
TONGƲE.
Her Tongue is tipt with such a fire, and so powerfull, as might tame the most rebellious spirit.
A Tongue able to captivate the Hearers, and reconcile Antipathy it self.
BREATH.
Her Breath is airy Amber.
A Breath that perfumes the Air with Elysian Sweets.
Voice.
Her Voice is so charming, that it has power to doe more than ever Orpheus did.
Should Magitians use it, it would tie up the Nocturnal Ghosts, without the addition of Exorcisme.
Her Words invade the weakn'd senses, and overcome the heart.
BROW.
Her Brow is Cupid's Bow, most sweetly bent to shoot his Darts against every heart.
CHIN.
Her Chin shews like a piece of pure and polish'd Chrystal, which the God of Love delights to uphold with his soft hand.
NECK.
Her Neck is of such a whiteness, as exceeds unsullied Snow.
A silver Pillar of rare Whiteness.
Far whiter than the Swans that swim upon Meander's Chrystal streams.
SHOƲLDERS.
Her Shoulders are the rare composure where Neck and Breast their native closure take.
ARMS.
Her Arms were made to take the great Men of the World her Pris'ners.
HANDS.
Her Hands soft and smooth, of which the Violet veins run along like Mines of Turquoises.
Her slender Hand subdues without a stroak.
The Swans Down is harsh in respect of her soft Hand.
BREASTS.
Her Breasts are two Mountains of pure Snow, from the Fountains of which Cupid sucks Nectar.
Her Breasts are Love's delicious Paradise, the Lilly Mountains, where dwells Eternal Spring.
Her Breasts those Twins of Miracle.
WAST.
Her Waft as strait as Cupi [...]'s Shaft, or Mercury's Wand.
NAVEL.
Her Navel is Love's Hesperides.
The Seal of Love's Impression.
WOMB.
Her Womb is Nature's secret Cabinet, and Garden of delight.
Briefly she comprehends whatever can be wish'd for, in the Idea of a Woman.
She is so heavenly a piece, that when Nature had wrought her, she lost her Needle, like one that never hop'd to work again any so fair and lovely a Creature as my Mistriss.
Closing Addresses of Courtship.
Madam, should I attempt to draw your Picture without the help of the fam'd Apelles, I should be non-pluss'd in the attempt.
Madam, at the same time that I beheld your exquisite beauty, I became a Proselyte to your high Perfections, and should think my self happy under the benign reflections of your lovely Countenance.
Madam, the least service upon your score I term the highest attainment imaginable: Your Love is an honour, your favour the greatest advancement, and I am transported to be number'd among your little favourites.
Madam, you are the very Abstract of Beauty; for all those Excellencies that are singly in others, are concenter'd in you.
THE New Canting Academy: OR, The Mystery of Wheedling and Canting displayed to the Life.
Illustrated with Poems, Songs, and an Explanation of Canting Words.
The Introduction; or, Wheedling, &c. made manifest.
Since Wheedling and Canting may be justly termed brethren, I do not think it any-ways amiss to joyn them together in his Third Part of my Academy; not for the desire I have that any should learn them, in order to Practice; but rather that knowing them, and to what wickedness they tend, all that love their own Repose may shun and avoid the evil courses they tend to: Nor is Ignorance the least cause so many plunge themselves into Wickedness: for cou'd Sin be truly discovered in its deformity, as it is really sin, it would look so monstrous, that the terror of its visage would affright those that court i [...] [Page 200]from its foul Embraces; nor is it less observable, that those who are least skilled in the Nature of poysons, are most frequently destroyed by Intoxication, especially where it is in their power to meet unwittingly with the mortal bane. The Devil too guilds over his Allurements and Temptations with a seeming good, on purpose that the Ignorant may take them for what they really are not, and so unadvisedly infect their Souls; from which we may conclude, that to know the failures and vices of others as they are really so, and properly delivered in their proper shapes and defects, is the proper way to grow in hatred with them, and avoid them: And therefore to leave however. those without excuse that read this part of my Book, I proceed to treat of Wheedlers, Canters, Strolers, and the like, with the practice of their Lives, and manner of living; which Relation, in it self, is very pleasant, and may serve as a caution to the unwary.
Wheedling; what it is, and bow M [...]iged.
THE word Wheedle cannot be found to derive it self from any other, and therefore is looked upon as wholly invented by the Canters; but according, as in the sense of it is managed, it signifies a subtil insinuation into the Humours, inclinations, Natures and Capacity of any person the Wheedler intends to circumvent or make his prey; working so effectually, that he possesses them with a belief, that all his actions and services are bent, and tend to their advantage, profit and pleasure, and is indeed a kind of flattery, which joyns with self-conceit, and the good opinion we have of our selves, easily admits of the most favourable interpretation, since every one is naturally [Page 201]inclined to a self-love, and thinks his own Abilities in understanding sufficient, if not the best; it being very. observable, that although Men quarrel and contend about Riches and Preferment, one envying another as to those particulars, none on the contrary contend who has the most wit, or at least grudge not at anothers, but conceit their own stock is sufficient.
The Wheedlers business is much in trimming the Sails of Flattery, and forming his Speeches and Actions to the humour and constitution of the person he undertakes, imitating those of whom Juvinal the Satyrist makes mention, viz. These men, says he, will conform themselves to all sorts of company; if you laugh, they will strive to laugh louder; if you are pensive and sad, or prone to weep, they, like Crockadiles, will force feigned tears; if you complain of cold, they shiver as in the extremity of a Tertian fit; and if you complain of heat, even in the extremity of December, they shall puff and pant as if they were in a manner melted.
The Qualification of the Wheedler; and by what methods and ways be works by Insinuation upon the Passions and Minds of Men, and the Rules he observes therein.
HE or she that sets up for a thriving Wheedler, must be no Novice; for if so, there is no apt qualification for this Science, as they term it, but must first be accommodated with a winning behaviour, a fluent tongue, weighty expressions, that can be so cunningly couched, as to make bad seem good, and good bad, to the eyes and understanding of the ignorant; knowing how to time his Management to keep it always in season; a good stock of Confidence is likewise required, and a countenance not subject to a blush; a Man he must be of infinite Jesting, that when he trips, or begins to be discovered in some palpable flattery or dissimulation, he may turn it off, so as either to put a different construction on the meaning of his words, or change his true meaning into Jest or Ridicule; he must be furnished moreover with much patience, to bear, without seeming any way offended, the impertinence of every Coxcomb or nauseous Fop; and observe his humours, that he may not be found wanting to tickle the Trout by a seeming applause and complyance.
The next thing he then considers and contemplates is the Passions of the Mind, and to what they stand most inclined and affected; and this he at first gathers, especially a hint of'em by the complection, habit and constitution of the Body, the Complection attributing to the sanguine; a merry jocund humour, much given to Love and Recreation: To the [Page 203]Melancholy, a morose temperature of mind, given to ease of body, yet much disturbed at times in mind, and prompted, by envy, to undertake malitious enterprizes: To the Flegmatick he attributes Inconstancy, Sloth, Intemperance, &c. And to the Cholerick, rashness, and a contentious disposition, subject to strife, and desire of revenge; and sutable to these he lays the line and plumet of his Flattery or Insinuation, and humours them to his own advantage in their several degrees; and, for the most part, they attaque those of the weakest capacities, with whom they are sure they can be credited, as a cunning Jilt of the Town is made to express her self, viz.
Nor is this Art of Wheedling altogether unnecessary, seeing it carries with it somewhat more than Wealth, for by a secret and powerfull charm it calms [...]age, disarms the threatning hand of the revengefull, [...]oves compassion in the hard-hearted, and many times [...]eliver a Man out of the snare. This and much more [...] effects by a feigned and flattering submission, and retending an untainted and entire friendship; where [...] if there be no down-right Enmity, yet there is no [Page 204]other than the shadow, or outward appearance of a respect for the person, to engage him either to lay aside his present danger, or perswade and oblige him to some kindness extraordinary. But thus much for this part of Whedling, too much practised in this Age.
Cant; what it is, and by whom it is used; with the Ends to which it serves, &c.
Cant is found to be the peculiar Language of no Nation; nor is there any Rule prescribed for the learning or understanding of it, further than from those who use it to colour over their Villanies; and they are such, for the most part, that call themselves Egyptians, but are no other than stroaling Beggars, Vagrants or Wanderers, the foundation of which Gibrish was layed on one Rugosa a sturdy Wanderer, who first prescribed Rules and Orders for the Wandering Tribe, and became their Head or Superiour, but long enjoyed not his Ragged Dignity, before he fell sick of a filching feavour, for which the Doctor of the Tripple-tree, applied the powerfull Cordial of Hemp to his Jugular Vein, so that the strength of the Application not being allayed in time, cast him into a dead sleep, and for ever after spoiled his drinking at the Bouzing-keen.
Those that profess this Cant, as I said, pretending to be Aegyptians, hold the people in hand, especially those that are so foolish to believe them, that they sucked in the knowledge of the Stars with their Mother's Milk, and are conversant with the decrees of Fate, being the only Kindred of the Destinies, from whom they hide nothing; nay, have so large a stock [Page 205]of Impudence to pretend to devine Magick, when indeed they are no other than a parcel of ignorant, lazy, illiterate persons, who take up this kind of life for the sake of ease; yet so much are they feared, as going in great companies by the Country people, that they are in a manner forced to give them what they in reason demand, least they should fire their Houses, or, as they fondly deem, bewitch their Cattel, when indeed the latter is altogether out [...] their power; and the greatest fear that need any way concern them, is their robbing them of their Pigs, Lambs, Poultry, Linnen, &c. for which they have divers Canting Names or Terms; of which I shall speak hereafter.
The Canters have their several Offices or Degrees amongst them, the Officiators of them being observed and regarded by those that subject themselves as their Inferiours, with great exactness and respect, and are distinguished, or go under these denominations, viz. The Ʋpright Man, who being chosen for his strength, archness and policy in bringing them off at a dead lift, is styled their Chief whom all the rest obey, and amongst them his Will is a law, during life, unless he be deposed in a General Assembly, or Meeting, which is held twice a year in great state in places pre-appointed, and most commonly in the Suburbs of London, and that for some extraordinary design, as for the subversion of their beggarly Common-wealth, &c. and whilst he stands in siatu quo, all the Morts, Dells and Doxies, or Women of the several Degrees and Orders amongst them are at his command; as likewise the best of whatever they filch or M [...]und, that is, steal or beg.
The Abram-Cove, or Abraham-Man, is one that dresses himself ridiculously, and pretends at sundry times to be Mad, and in Fits, when indeed he do's it to draw people about him to procure the advantage of the [Page 206]rest, either in telling Fortunes, or giving them the opportunity of picking the Pockets of the Gazers.
The Jack-man is their Secretary, who having some small abilities in Learning, especially in Writing and Counterfeiting of hands, makes it his business to write their false Passes, false Gertificates and Maunding. Letters, and is in great esteem amongst them.
The Dummerers are such as make a horrible noise, attended with many Antick postures, and frequently signifie, not only by signs, which to every one are not intelligible, but by a forged writing, that their Tongues were cut out in the Turkish Slavery for Reviling the Prophet Mahomet, or refusing to comply with his damnable doctrine; and to that end, and the better to deceive the easie Spectators, and move them to compassion, they rowl back their Tongues, and show, as it were, only the root; but if you require to search their Mouth, they will pretend not to understand your meaning, and with much clamour refuse it.
The Patrico is he that couples them together; the only ceremony in that kind consists in placing them with joyned hands over the carkass of any dead creature, and bidding them live together till death parts 'em.
The Whipjacks are such as pretend themselves to be Marriners, that have been cast away, and shipwrecked either on the Coast, or in some Foreign Land; and have nothing to support them in their Travelling to their habitation; and the better to colour it, pretend a Pass, though it is altogether forged, and they know no more of the Sea than a tame Goose.
The Fraters are such as forge brief or counterseit Patents, pretending to beg for decayed Hospitals, Losses by Fire, and the like; but have been so often detected and punished, that scarce any thing but the Name remains at this day; for it being a publick [Page 207]fraud, it is more narrowly pry'd into than those that are personal or private.
The Palliards, or Clapperdogeons, are those that have been brought up to beg from their Infancy, and frequently counterfeit Lameness, making their Legs, Arms or Hands appear to be sore and very nauseous, with Cream and Blood, Butter and Soap, Oyntments and Corrosives, and sometimes by putting on counterfeit lame Legs, and false withered Arms, making of horrible wry faces, and setting off their story of being shot, burnt, scalded, perished with the Evil, and the like, with a lamentable voice, and for the most part they carry Children about with them, which they frequently hire of poor Nurses for so much the week, the better to move compassion: but if you strictly enquire into their lameness, you will find it nothing but a counterfeit of their own devising; and their Sores so slight, that in a day or two they wou'd cure of themselves, did they not continually apply Corrosives.
The Glimmerers are such as go up and down a Maunding under pretence they have been undone by Fire, and for the most part have a forged Certificate with many Names, insinuated to be those of the Minister, Justice and Church-wardens of some remote Parish, pretending great Losses, when indeed their whole life has been given up to the begging trade.
The Mumper is the general Beggar, Male and Female, which lye in cross-ways, or travel too and fro, carrying for the most part Children with them, which generally are By-blows, and delivered to them with a sum of Money, almost as soon as born.
As for the Women that attend these stroaling Gypsies and Beggars, those that are Married after their fashion are called Autme-Morts; the Dells are young Wenches, that yet retain their Maiden-heads, which by their custome they must sacrifice to the Ʋpright [Page 208]Man, before they can be free with the Brotherhood:
The Dexies are such as are prostituted to any, and are no other than Common Whores of the kind amongst the Brotherhood, and consequently to any person if advantage offers, and for the most part have the Art of Diving into the Pockets of such Cullies as they ensnare.
The Stroaling Morts are such as pretend to be Parson's Widdows, or to be born Gentlewomen, and by Marrying against the consent of their Parents, by Losses and Sickness are utterly ruined and undone; telling a lamentable story to stir up the minds of the hearers to compassionate their sufferings.
The Bawdy-Baskets are such as wander up and down with a Basket under their Arm, and a Child at their Backs, pretending to sell Toys and Trifles, and so beg or steal as they see occasion, or find opportunity.
The Kinchin-Morts are the little Girls that run in the hand of these Gypsies and Beggars, or are carried at their Backs in Blankets.
And these are the chief of the Gang, who from their head rendezvous set out twice a year, rnd scatter all over England, each parcel having their appointed Stages, that they may not interfere or hinder each other; and for that purpose, when they set forward in the Country, they stick up Boughs in the way of divers kinds, according as it is agreed amongst them, that one company may know which way another is gone, and so take a different Road.
In what manner a new Commer is received into the Gang of Gypsies and Wandering Beggars, with the Ceremonies that are observed, and other things.
When any idle person enters himself into the setled Gang of these Varlets, he is not admitted without ceremony. And, first, being introduced by one of the Gang, the Ʋpright Man demands his name, which known, he enjoyns him from that time to renounce it, and to take upon him one familiar to the Canting strain, not understood by the vulgar: This done, and Registred, his Charge is given him, That he shall be true in all things to the Fraternity, and obey, to the utmost of his power, the Great Tawny Prince, or, as they style him, the King of the Gypsies or Stroalers, and keep his counsel; That he take his part against all that shall oppose him, or any of the Brotherhood, according to the utmost of his ability, not suffering them to be abused by any strange Palli [...]ds, Ruffers, Hookers, Swadlers, Irish Toyls, Dummerers, [...]arkmen, Whip-jacks, Glimmerers, Maunders, or the like, [...] any other Out-lyers; That he reserve to the pub [...]ck stock the over-plus of his gettings; That he will [...]ever leave or forsake the company of which he is [...]atered a Member, nor teach any, upon what account [...]ever, the usual Cant proper amongst them, neither [...] favour nor fear; And, lastly, that he will stick [...]se to his Doxey or Rum Mort; and then a young [...]ench is delivered to him as his Mate and Compa [...]on. by the Patrico, if there be one grown up; if not, [...] must stay till there is, and be content now and [...]en to be supplied for recreations sake by the Doxies, [...]o are common amongst them.
The Adoption being over, the Scouts are commanded abroad to see if the coast be clear; and if so, upon the signal the Forragers go out, and fetch in Cackling Cheats, Grunting Cheats, Margery Praters, Red Shanks, &c. That is, Chickens, Pigs, Hens and Ducks, some at the same time breaking the Ruffman's Hedges, that is, for firing; nor do's Tib of the Buttery, that is, the Geese escape them, whilst the Whip-jack, as the most competent Judge, is imployed to fetch Rumbooze or strong Drink from the next Village with ready money out of the Publick stock; and if no blind Ale-house out of the Town or Road be near, where they use for privateness sake, to rendezvous, then they make the fire under a warm Hedge, or in a Gravel-pit, where the Morts are their Cooks; but so sluttish in their dressing, that a stranger must be wonderfully sharp set that can find in his heart to participate of their banquet: And here the old Proverb is truly verified, viz. That the Devit sends Cooks; yet those that are used to it feed like Farmers, and account it more dainty than any other.
The Reasons that induce Stroalers, &c. to take up that kind of life; and by what means they cheat and deceive the Ignorant, under pretence of telling Fortunes.
SOme may enquire why they delight in this kind of life: To which I answer, that Laziness is the great motive that induces them to it; though, on the other hand, their gain is very considerable, though unlawfully gotten for swarming up and down the Countries, they delude the young Wenches that are Ma [...] [Page 211]for Husbands, by possessing them they are the Children of the Wise men, and have familiar conversation with the Stars, which demonstrate to them future events; nay, many times they have their Scout or Intelligencer in the Towns or Villages through which they are to pass, who against their arrival enquire out many things by Wheedle or Insinuation; as what things have been lost; who is sick; who about to be Married; or who crost in Love, and give notice thereof privately to the Gypsies, who apply themselves to these places with such protestations of discovery, and telling none but the truth, that they get to be believed by repeating what has been told them, with some addition; and that they may seem to conjure, they cross themselves; and turning up the Whites of their Eyes, Mutter in an odd manner their Gibrish: and when they are once found to be in a truth, the Rumour of it decoys many to their Lure; and they always having in their gang some one dexterous at diving, or picking of Pockets; they seldom fail to doe it whilst one of the Crew is pooring on the hand of some silly wench or fellow, under a pretence of Fortune-telling; nay their Children of five or six years old upon the signal will doe it, which in their Gibrish is Kinchin-Cloy the Lower: which being insensibly performed, occasioned the foolish report, That if they had one piece of Money given them, they had the Art of commanding the rest; as indeed in one sense they have: Nor are they wanting if the Cove nap 'em; that is, if they are taxed with it, to make horrid Imprecations that they are innocent; yet the Whippingpost has such a powerfull Spell attending it, that it many times obliges them to recant their Cant in making restitution: nay, the Children they carry at their backs are so dexterous, that they shall steal a Hatband, loose Head-cloaths or Handkerchief over her [Page 212]shoulder that carries 'em, whilst she is pretending to tell a Fortune, &c. Nor are those Children, for the most part, any of their own; but when any young Gentlewoman or Servant-Maid has trod awry, and her Reputation and the Father's are to be spared, then by the advice of the Midwife or Nurse, the Child with a sum of Money, as they can agree, is taken by them; so that these Children but rarely know their true Parents.
Having thus far spoken of the Wandering Tribe, who are no other than English Beggars, Thieves and Vagabonds, that discolour their Faces, Necks and Hands with Bacon-grease and Soot in the Winter, and with the green Shells, or Husks of Walnuts in the Summer. I shall now proceed to give you an account of their Cant, and what they mean by it in English.
The Gypsies and Beggars CANT; Comprehending all the Material words used by them, upon sundry occasions; as likewise their Explanation.
| Enlglish. | Cant. |
| A Handsome Wench | RƲm Mort |
| An Apron | Belly-cheat |
| A part or share | Snack or Earnest |
| A Break-house | Betty |
| A hole | Ferm |
| A Gentlewoman | Gentry-Mort |
| A Receiver of stoln Goods | Fencing-Cully |
| A Groat | Flag |
| A Dore | Giger |
| A Pass | Gybe |
| A Guiny, or Job | Huskin lour |
| A Child | Kinchin |
| A Little man | Kinchin-cove |
| A private house | Libben |
| An Alehouse | Boozing-ken |
| The Gallows | Nubbing cheat |
| Cloaths | Lurries |
| Thieves | Priggs |
| Meat or Provision | Peck or Peckidge |
| Lace | Peake |
| A stout Rogue | Ruffer |
| An Arm | Smiter |
| Andirons | Glimfenders |
| To agree with a man | Famgrasp the Cove |
| Angry | Glim flushly |
| A Barboy | Squeker |
| A Beadle | Flogging Cove |
| Butter | Beuer |
| Bridewell | Naskin |
| Born a beggar | Clapperdogeon |
| A Boghouse | Croping ken |
| A Bed | Libbedge |
| Bread | Panam |
| Beggars | Mauunders |
| To beg | Maund |
| A Bottle | Boozing-cheat |
| Be carefull of what you say | Stow the Whidds, and plant 'em |
| A Bridle | Nabgarder |
| Shackles | Cramprings |
| A Body | Quarron |
| Cunning | Queer |
| Bacon | Ruff peck |
| Broker | Fencing-Cully |
| Bastard | Stalewhimper |
| Belated | Hudwink't |
| Blind men | Gropers |
| A Barn | Skiper |
| A Barr | Touting ken |
| Be cauteous | Stow the Whids |
| Brokers shop | Stallen ken |
| Beaten | Chaft |
| A Breast | Heaver |
| A Cheat | Napper |
| A Coach | Rattler |
| A Chamber-pot | Facum gag |
| A Constable | Harmanback |
| Coach-beggars | Ratling Mumpers |
| A Cloak-bag | Roger |
| A Candlestick | Glimstick |
| Fire | Glimmer |
| Cut the Cloak-bag | Flick the Roger |
| Corn | Grannam |
| A cluster of Grapes | Rum-boozing welts |
| A Crust | Crackler |
| A crafty fellow | Chincher |
| A Crutch | Lifter |
| A Church | Autem |
| To cheat | Bite |
| A Cow | Mower |
| A Coat | Mish-topper |
| Counterfeit | Confeck |
| A Coach-man | Smacking-Cove |
| To copulate | Wap |
| Cheese | Cash |
| A Cloak | Togeman |
| The Country | Deuseavise |
| Carriers | Deuseavise Stampers |
| Choaked | Frummagem'd |
| Chickens | Cackling Cheats |
| A Dog | Bugher |
| A Drawer of Wine | Rum-hooper |
| Day, or Day-break | Lightmans |
| Duck | Quaking-cheat |
| Drunk | Nazzy |
| A Drunkard | Nazzy Cove |
| Drousie | Peeping |
| Drink | Booze |
| To enter a House | Dup |
| Eyes | Ogles or Glaziers |
| Ends of Gold and Silver | Spangles |
| Dumb | Cank |
| Ditch | Jague |
| A Drover | Mow-beater |
| The Devil | Ruffin |
| Dry or Thirsty | Chapt |
| A Dish | Skew |
| Fellows that Spirit people | Kidnappers |
| The Face | Muns |
| A Fool or Coxcomb | Nizie |
| Fearfull | Peery |
| To fly or run away | Brush off |
| One that may easily be over-reach'd | Cully |
| [...]eet | Stampere |
| Gold | Mint |
| Goal | Naskin |
| Goldsmith | Ridgcully |
| Gallant | Rum |
| Garden or Nose-gay | Smelling cheat |
| To go up Stairs | Track up the Dancers |
| Glass broken | Flicher snapt |
| A Highway | Topping Cove |
| A Highway-man | Rum pad |
| A Horse-stea [...]er | Prancer |
| A Horse | Rum padder |
| A Head | Nab |
| A Hat | Nab-cheat |
| A half-peny | Make |
| A House | Ken |
| Hands | Fambles |
| Hose | Drawers |
| Hostess | Supouch |
| Heart | Panter |
| Host | Busler |
| To Ingage | Blot the Scrip |
| King of the Link-boys | Rum Glimmer |
| Link-boy | Moon-curser or Glym-jack |
| Legs | Stampers |
| License | Jacrum |
| Look through the Casement | Tout through the Wicker |
| Lips | Gans |
| Lye | Coker |
| Mass | Solomon |
| Malard or Duck | Red-shank or Quaking-cheat |
| A Looking-glass | Peeper |
| London | Rum Ʋille |
| Milk-porridge | Papler |
| Money | Lower |
| A Married Woman | Autem Mort |
| A Man | Cove |
| A Nose | Gigg |
| Newgate | Whilt |
| A Neck | Nub |
| Night or Evening | Darkman |
| Pottage | Lap |
| Pork | Grunting cheat |
| Pease | Trundlers |
| Partners to Files | Shoulder-shams |
| A piece of old Gold | Old Mr. Gory |
| A Port-Mantle | Peter |
| Any Prison | Queer-ken |
| A Peny | Win |
| A Pot or Pipe | Gagg |
| A Picklock | Gilt |
| The Plague | Cannakin |
| Pretty | Dimber |
| The Pox | Bube |
| A poor Man | Abrabam Cove |
| A Purse | Bung |
| To cut a Purse. | Nip the Bung |
| To speak cunningly | Stow the Whids |
| To give good words. | Cut been Whids |
| A Villain | Damber |
| Rings or Gloves. | Famble Cheats |
| A Rick Fool. | Rum Culley |
| Riching | Prigging. |
| Riders | Priggers. |
| A Shilling | Board or Hog |
| Sheep | Blating Cheats. |
| To steal a Port-mantle. | Bite the Roger |
| A Shirt | Mish |
| To speak | Cut |
| Stockins | Drawers |
| Stocks | Harmans |
| Sucking-picks | Grunting Cheat |
| Silver | Witcher |
| Sixpence | Half a Hog |
| Silver Bowl | Witcher Cully, |
| Straw, Sheets, Shoes | Stummel slates, Stamps |
| A Shop | Swag |
| Sought for with a Warrant | Romboyl'd |
| A Sheep stealer | Napper of Napes |
| A Seal | Jark |
| Teeth | Crushing Cheats. |
| To lye down | Couch |
| To go to sleep | Couch a Hogshead |
| To speak ill | Cut Queer robids |
| To be whip'd | Cly the Jerk |
| To Rob a House | Heave a Booth |
| Tobacco | Fogus |
| To take Tobacco | Raise a Cloud |
| To Beat | Fib |
| To spend or lay out | Fence. |
| To tumble together | Lib |
| The Sessions-house | Nubbing-ken. |
| A Turkey | Cobble colter |
| To he transported | Marinated |
| To run away | Pike off |
| To look out | Tour |
| To hang | Trine |
| The Tongue | Prating Cheat |
| To wear | Scour |
Thus Reader, having given you a Light into this new created Language which was never known to our Forefathers nor heard of at the Confusion of Babel, I shall proceed to divert you with some pleasant Songs in the same Lingua; yet that I may not leave you in the dark as to the understanding of them I, shall render them likewise into English.
Canting SONGS; the best sort in Cant and English.
The Advice, &c. A Song in Cant.
Now if any person should hear one of these fellows sing this song, with the Gestures they use at the time, he would conclude him no better then a Mad-man, though the English, or meaning of it, will make it out more plain and pleasant.
The same song in English.
The King of the Gypsies Song, made upon his Beloved Doxy or Mistriss.
The Sense in English thus.
The Rum Mort's Song in Praise of her Maunder who had forsaken her.
The Sense in English thus.
Besides these stroling Beggars and pretended Aegptians, there are others that use the like Cant, who are most of the Town Thieves, or such as harbour about London; and are distinguished by several Canting Names or Titles, viz.
The High-Pad or High-way-man. The Low Pad or Foot Robber. The Budge, who makes it his business to run into Houses and take what comes first to hand The Diver or Pick-pocket. The Bulk, or one that is his assistant in creating Quarrels by Jostling, &c. to gather a Croud that the Diver may have the better Opportunity to effect his purpose. The Gil: is one that pretending Business in a Tavern or Ale-house, takes a private Room, and with Picklocks opens the Trunks or Chests and taking what he can conveniently, locks them again, pays his Reckoning and departs. The Prigger of Prancers is one that makes it his business to steal Horses. The Ken-Miller is one that Robs Houses in the night-time, by breaking them open or getting in at the Window, and seldom goes alone. The File is the same with the Dvier, though for the most part he goes without the Bulk, and was formerly known by the Title of the Bung-nipper, because with a Horn Thumb and a Sharp Knife he used to cut the Pockets clever off, with all that was in them. The Bubber is one that goes to Ale-houses to drink on purpose tosteal Tankards. The Shop-lifts are commonly Women who go into shops under pretence of Buying, and seeming very difficult to be pleased, find an Opportunity to slip some Garment, piece of Silk or stnff. &c. into their Coat, Bag, or other private conveyance, with which they are seldome unfurnished, The Angler is one that takes a Quare of Glass out of a Casement, and so opening it, with a long Pole and Hook at the end on't, pulls to him him what he can conveniently reach without entering the House. But enough of these Varlets, that like the Aegyptian Locust pester the Nation, there being no Remedy effectual to put an end to their Rogueries but the Gallows; wherefore not to trouble the Reader with a story of their many Villanies, and by what means they atchieve [Page 228]them, all of them being witty and ingenious in Mischief, I shall conclude this discourse with a Song very sutable to the purpose.
The Black Profession: A Song.
An Introduction to the modish Method of DANCING, in the Examples of several Set Dances greatly in Request, &c.
Lady in the Dark. A Dance for Four.
[...]
IN this Dance the two Couples must meet and turn off single, then the Men must cross over and the Women must do the same, then back again: And so the Men must meet and fall back, then take Arms by the Right hands and turn by the Left, the Women doing the like: then side with the contraries, and set, after this do as much with your own.
Meet and each take the contrary and fall back with her; then must the first Couple goe under the other Couples Arms, after that they must go under the others. Then each Man must meet with his Woman and fall back with her; after that go under one anothers Arms forward and backward as before, and so take Arms as you sided.
Take Right hands to the contrary and Left to your own, Remain in the contrary place and set your own, do that back again, setting to the contrary.
The Sedany. A pleasant Dance for as many as will in this Order, [...].
IN this Dance the first Man and Woman must sides once, set and turn single, then pass forward each to the next sides again, set and turn single, doing afterwards as much to the next, and so forwards and backwards till you recover rhe places where you bagan
Arms all as you sided, and so till you recover your own places.
Proceed now to the single Hey, as handing as you pass till you recover your places.
Rose is white and Rose is red. A round Dance for as many as will, [...]
IN this Dance take Hands and meet all a double, back again and set and turn a Single: doe it again and let the first Couple lead forward and then backward to the Man on the Right hand; then all three take Hands and go round. After this, the Women must do as much and so the Men, in order, must proceed to the next Man, and in like manner, till you recover your places, the rest following and doing the same.
Now sides all Set and Turn single, do the like again; after that lead forwards and backwards before, so go the single Hey, all the three strains, do this Change to all, the remaining Parties following and doing the like.
Arms all Set and Turn single, doe it again, then let the first couple lead forwards and back as before; then let the Man pass under your Arms; turn your own and to all; do thus, the rest following.
Lady lye near me. A Dance for as many as Please in Couples, Long-ways. [...]
IN this Dance lead up forward and [...]ackward when the Single [...] Strain is played, and do in the like manner when the double One [...] is played.
Let the first Couple cross over and so fall into the second place, and then cross again and fall into the last place, and let every Couple do in the like manner.
Sides all upon playing the first Strain, and do as much upon playing the second.
Arms all a single, Starin played and upon the Starin, being played twice do the same again.
Then half the single Hey on each side, Set and Turn single, then let all do this and change.
Let the Men take Hands all and go half round, the Women doing the like; then all do the like and change.
All in a Garden green. A Dance Long-ways for six. [...]
IN this Dance lead up a Double forwards and backwards, Set and Turn single, then do as much again.
The first Man shake by the hand his own Woman, then the second so the third, by one hand & then by the other Kiss her twice and turn her: upon a single Strain playing, shake her by the hand, then the second and so your own by one hand & then by the other, Kiss her twice and turn her.
Sides all set & turn a Single, do the like again.
Do this as before, the Women likewise doing it.
Arms all set and turn a Single [...] do it again [...]
Do this as before, the Men doing it [...]
Note, That a Single is only two steps closing both fee [...] and a Double is four steps for ward and backward, closing both Feet; and to set and turn is a Single to one hand and as much to the other; and to turn single: and fo [...] these [...] they signifie the strains played once, twice, & [...]