St. Crispins triumph over Pope Innocent, or, The monks and fryers routed a tragi-comedy, as it was lately acted with great noise at Dantzick in Poland by the reforming shoemakers, and other retainers to St. Hugh : wherein it is infallibly demonstrated that they who wone had the best on't, and that since people will not be so wise to pluck out their eyes and turn papists, the most effectual and speedy way to convert soul and body together is by strangling, murther, fire and gunpowder. 1678 Approx. 13 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 8 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2011-12 (EEBO-TCP Phase 2). A59573 Wing S300 ESTC R25536 09008378 ocm 09008378 42208

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 Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 2, no. A59573) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 42208) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 1293:20) St. Crispins triumph over Pope Innocent, or, The monks and fryers routed a tragi-comedy, as it was lately acted with great noise at Dantzick in Poland by the reforming shoemakers, and other retainers to St. Hugh : wherein it is infallibly demonstrated that they who wone had the best on't, and that since people will not be so wise to pluck out their eyes and turn papists, the most effectual and speedy way to convert soul and body together is by strangling, murther, fire and gunpowder. 13 p. s.n.], [London? : 1678. In verse. Reproduction of original in the Huntington Library.

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St. Criſpins Triumph OVER Pope Innocent: OR THE Monks and Fryers Routed. A Tragi-Comedy, As it was lately Acted with great Noiſe at Dantzick in Poland by the Reforming Shoemakers, and other Retainers to St. Hugh.

Wherein it is Infallibly demonſtrated, that they who wone, had the beſt on't; and that ſince People will not be ſo wiſe to pluck out their Eyes, and turn Papiſts, the moſt effectual and ſpeedy way to convert Soul and Body together, is by Strangling, Murther, Fire and Gunpowder.

Licenſed November 2d 1678.

Printed at Primroſe-Hill for the ſpecial Edification of thoſe New Miracle-Mongers, who would perſwade us, that after a man has been Strangled and Murthered, he can yet walk a Mile, and run himſelf through with his own Sword. Octob. 17. 1678.
St. CRISPINS TRIUMPH OVER POPE INNOCENT; OR THE Monks and Fryers Routed, &c. 1. HEre's pretty Sport for Hereticks, I ſwear, Romes golden Calves at Dantzick turn'd to Grafs Their Holy Trinkets they in pieces tear, And Goodman Pax's tranſlated to an Aſs. Another wonder's added to their Church, The Fryers left their Puppet Saints i'th' Lurch. 2. Rude Hugenots, how durſt you be ſo bold To lay your hands upon ſuch holy things, You'l certainly be curs'd by Young and Old. Hark how the clapper of their Bull-bell rings, To break the Necks of Saints, are mortal ſins, Not to be pardoned had you broke their ſhins. 3. This brisk Attempt hath turn'd their Even-ſong, And Ave Maries into doleful Dirges, Who without doubt will hang themſelves e're long, At leaſt do Penance on their backs with Scourges, For ſuffering their gods, thoſe ſilly Elves, To be deſtroy'd, that could not ſave themſelves. 4. The Suckling-bottle of the Virgins Milk, So long preſerved for thoſe Babes of Grace, Thick crumb'd with breaden god, is broke and ſpilt, And waxen Thumbs the Crucifix deface; Their Angels alſo which then went to Pot, Hath quite undone their Miracles god wot. 5. But you the Offspring of St. Criſpins Race, How fell ye out, ſince both Sole-menders are, For Gentle Craft the Relicts to deface; Suppoſe St. Hugh had with his Boots been there, VVould you ingage him ſo in ſtormy weather, To tear the Sole from off the upper Leather. 6. You rather ought have brought your Awls and Ends, And ſticht together what you found awry, Or par'd'um gently on your Laſt like Friends And Loyal Coblers to their Monaſtry; And ſo perhaps you would, had they been ought, You were forc'd to Vamp them, cauſe their Souls were naught. 7. Troth like enough, good cauſe to think 'um ſo, Romes Emiſſaries round the world do Roam, To every Court in Chriſtendom they go, Make miſchiefs there, then ſend advices home; Corrupting Counſels, and dividing States, And Fly-blow Maggots in the peoples Pates. 8. This they effect by divers ways and Forms, To day a Courtier, to morrow clad in Leather, His Lordſhips Chaplain, or a Man in Arms; A Merchant next, a Tradeſman, all or either, A Zealot now, and then a Hector, he's The Devil and all, there's nothing comes amiſs. 9. Swear and Forſwear, take any Obligation, Rail at their Church, and ban his Holineſs name, Betray their Fathers; they have Diſpenſation For Murther, Stabbing, Fry ye in a Flame, Any way Conquer for their Churches good, 'Cauſe beſt it thrives when deepeſt ſet in blood. 10. Theſe are the Tenents of thoſe Saints of Rome, Or Monſters rather, Fire-brands of Hell, The very Peſts and Plagues of Chriſtendome, As ſad Experience to the world doth tell, By whoſe Accurſed hands more Chriſtians dy'd, Then have by Turks or Infidels beſide. 11. And ſhall this Viperous brood delude us ſtill, Under pretence of Zeal and Piety, VVhoſe Helliſh aim is Chriſtian blood to ſpill, And force the way for their Idolatry; Their Avarice doth ſqueez the peoples Veins As dry as Kexes where their Power Reigns. 12. They have Indulgence for the worſt of ſins, Or more or leſs, paſt, preſent, or to come, They'l Pardons ſell, as Pedlers do their Pins; Barter for Heaven, if you'l but pay the ſum; For ready Money they can do the Trick, But have no more to do there than Old Nick. 13. This may Amaze, that men of common ſence 〈…〉 beſotted to their Fooleries, 〈…〉 , Bulls, their Legends, Peter pence 〈…〉 Cheat, and Errant Rogueries; 〈…〉 but Lies and Blaſphemies they are, 〈◊〉 ſerve as Pimps and Bauds to Peters Chair. 14. This they of Dantzick wiſely did foreknow, And with a Reſolution ſtout and bold Engag'd the Lubbers 'midſt their Foppiſh Show, As they of Swe • dland ſerved them of old; Whoſ cutting Laws are ſuch Afflicting ones, • hey ſend Romes Stallions home without their Stones. 15. Then haſt ye Juglers, Popiſh Prieſts be gone, For if again you ſhould the People Vex, Your Puppet-plays will cauſe them (ten to one) Inſtead of broken Pates, to break your Necks; And unto Hell or Purgatory ſend ye, From whence the Poles nor Planets can defend ye. Concluſion. VVhen this they heard, they durſt no longer ſtay, Pickt up their broken Tools and ran away, But left their Prayers behind them at Allhallows, And cauſe 'tis worth your Reading, here it follows.
The Humble Supplication of the Monks and Fryers to St. Dominick their Patron, upon their Routing by the Shoemakers at Dantzick, HOly Patron Dominick, We invoke thee Damn Dantzick, Plague them ſorely, we do woe thee, Let not Belzebub outdo thee; Taw the Soles of Leathern Sinners, That did ſpoyl our Sport and Dinners; They confounding all our Trumpery, Made us Dine with old D. Humphry; Starving ſo our Hungry Paunches, Thy Cheek's thicker than our Haunches; Pinched harder by our Foes, Than Dunſtan did the Devils Noſe; They ſo with blows our Sides inviron, Our Ribs appear like a Gridiron; Falling firſt upon our Bones, And next we fear 'twill be our St— Which if loſt, the Chaſeſt Nun, Is for ever quite undone, And we fear will do the Trick With our Foe the Heretick; For the Holy Maid of Kent, And Pope Joan too have been ſhent; Venial Sins with good intent, That's well done, that is well meant; Thus unerring Church is true, Natures courſe muſt have its due. But what's this unto our purpoſe, Or the loſs of Hood and Surplice; If Saint Dominick can't do't, Let's intreat the Devil to't, And his Holineſs to boot. For we hate this damned dodging, We'l to Rome unto their Lodging, Where we certain find 'um can, In the Stews or Vatican; And our Augury to us ſhows, Being told by Francis Crows, Drinking Martyrs Blood for Wine They together were to Dine, Tended on by Bellarmine. Coming thither, there they found 'um With the Cardinals around 'um; Where they were to ſtay a Sennight, Shearing Hogs for good St. Bennet: Some o'th' Saints heard the grunting, Said the Devil Rid a Hunting; Others Swore 'twas no ſuch meeting, But the Pope and Devil greeting; Met in kindneſs to each other, To take care of Holy Mother; And reſolving on a Dance, Sent away a Poſt for France, To invite their deareſt Son, Who much of their Work had done; Unto which they both agreed, Vow'd it was as true as Creed, He had been their truſty Steed. Monſieur mounted, on he joggs Through the Scotch and Iriſh boggs, Curſing of the Engliſh Cloggs; For he neither thought or meant, To tugg with King and Parliament, Who had ſpoyl'd His Bleſt Intent. Being met, no Tongue can utter, How they quaft and fed at Supper On a Tub of Dutchmens Butter. Now let us our Plaint renew, And unto their Lordſhips ſhew, How we ſped in our Adventure, They may Ram 'um to the Center; For the Saints we long have Pray'd to Are aſleep, or hardly laid to. Then began an old Raſcallion, Either Spaniard or Italian, And ſo like a Ragamuffin, You'd have Sworn 'twas a Capuchin. Father Pope, and Father Devil, And you the moſt Unchriſtian Evil; Wrong the Right, we have ſuſtain'd, Wherein we were juſtly maim'd; They in ſpight of Sobietski, Mar'd the tools your Worſhips get by, Made on purpoſe to pick Pockets, Theivs are Saints diſguis'd in Rockets; Therefore, if you do not help us, Ye are Puppies, and be whelp us; But old Creſſy had the Knack, To outdo the reſt o'th' Pack In Relating of a Myſtery, Helliſh Lies in Churches Hiſtory; And by adding ſomewhat more Unto what was ſaid before, Made the Devil ſtamp and ſtare, Pope fall backward in his Chair, But upon the point to go, Monſieur caught him by the Toe, And did promiſe with his Allies, All the Forces up to Rally; Would ingage their Church to further By unheard of Rapes and Murther; Only Pray'd the Popes direction, And his Devilſhips Protection. This when ſaid, did pleaſe 'um well, So they took a turn to Hell, To debate it at their leiſure, Whence the Monſieur takes his meaſure, And i'th' interim is providing For to do the Trick by Bribing. Now perhaps ſome Criticks ſaying, This is not the Form of Praying, And like Fools againſt it chatter, Not acquainted with our Matter; For when Folks ingage by'th' ears, Curſing goes inſtead of Prayers; Or to Rail and Swear at Fortune, Is as good as Praying certain; But whatever may befal it, True it is, what e're you call it; And from what the Rogues intend us, Oh Almighty God defend us. FINIS.