K. Hen. 8.

A Company of little Boyes were by their Schoolmaster not many yeares since appointed to Act the play of King Henry the eight and one who had the presence (or the absence rather) as [Page 2]being of a whining voice, puling spirit, consumptive body, was appointed to personate King Henry himselfe, only because he had the richest cloaths, and his Parents the best people of the pa­rish, but when he had spoke his speech rather like a Mouse then a Man, one of his fellow Actors told him; If you speak not HOH with a better spirit and voyce, your Parliament will not grant you a Farthing.

Queen Elizabeth.

QUeen Elizabeth, a great lover of her Clergy especially of the persons and acquaintance of those of the Prelacy or the next dignities to it, took much delight in, and highly valu­ed the company of one Doctor David Whithead an accurate disputant and a very facetious person of a conscienti­ous bluntness, wherein one handsome clash or reported hapned. The Queen one day, who had not the same re­spects [Page 3]for married Clergy men said un­to him Whithead, I love thee the better because thou art unmarried. In truth Ma­dam said he I like you the worse be­cause you are unmarried.

Henry Cary.

HEnry Cary Lord Hunsdon some­thing a Kin to Queen Elizabeth Ancestor to the Honourable Houses of Dover and Monmouth, was a stout and great spirited Gentleman very cho­lerick but not malicious and a lover of men of their Hands. Once one Mr. Colt to whom he owed a grudge, met him coming from his House at Hunsdon to London with a Lordly re­tinue, my Lord gave Colt a box of the eare, Colt presently returned it with interest, therupon my Lord ser­vants drawing their swords swarmed about him: you Rogues (said the L^•.) may not I and my Neighbour change a blow but you must interpose? so [Page 4]the quarrel began and ended in a mo­ment.

Lord Treasurer.

LYonel Lord Cranfeild bred a Mer­chant in London, who was said to be his Tutor and own university, was especially conversant about the Custome-house which was the semi­nary of his Fortune, He being made Lord Treasurer by King James, 1612. having married a Kinswoman of the D. of Buckingham thought himselfe able not only to stand with out, but in some cases against him, which the Duke not enduring, he was outed of his Treasurersship after he had held it four years, and fined to the King in a very great summe.

How ever losing his Office he saved himselfe departing from that Office in an Age when it was hard to keep it. Insomuch that one asking what was good to preserve life was answered get to be [Page 5]Lord Treasurer, for they seldome dye in their Places, proved to be true for four successions.

The Office of Lord Treasurer was alwayes beheld as a place of great trust and profit. One well skilled in the perquifit ther of being demand­ed what he conceived the yearly value of the place might be worth made an­swer, That it might be worth some thousands of pounds to him who after his death would goe instantly to heaven, twice as much to him who would goe to Purgatory, and No body knowes what to him who would adventure to go to Hell.

Cheife Justice.

THe Cheife Justice of the Com­mon Pleas is in place beneath in profit above the Lord cheife Justice, for this reason Sir Edward Montague in Henry the eights being demanded the reason of degrading himselfe from the [Page 6]Kings bench to the other cheife justice­ship answered, I am now an old man and love the Kitchin better then the Hall, the warmest place best suiting with my Age.

The Kings Wardrope.

IN the Kings Wardrope is a rich peice of Arras presenting the Sea­sight in 88. which at severall audien­ces of Ambassadors hath been used for magnificence in the banqueting House (as in Cromwels usurpation) and wherein were wrought the living portractures of the cheifest Comman­ders in that service: on a time a Cap­tain who highly prized himselfe and his valour in that naval fight, coming to Court and missing his picture there­in, complained of the injury to his friend professing of himselfe that he merited a place there as well as some therein remembred for that he was engaged in the middle of the fight. Be [Page 7]content said his friend, thou hast been an old Pyrate and art reserved for another hanging.

A Shoomaker no Gentleman.

SIr Philip Calthrop a very merry Gentleman of the County of Nor­folk being newly come from Court where he had observed the fashion to be upon great dayes in those times of Henry the seaventh to wear gownes of light coloured cloath, sent to his Tay­lor in Norwich as much cloth of fine French Tawney as would make him such a vesture. It happened one John Drakes a Shoomaker of some wealth coming into the shop liked it so well that he went & bought of the same as much for himself, enjoyning the Tai­lor to make it exactly after the fashion he made the Knights, who sending for his Gowne by his servant, he espi­ed another of the same in the shop and enquiring whose it was, the Master [Page 8]told him, and the order he had for the making it up. This being told sir Philip he sent a new command that the Tay­lor should cut in his as many holes and slashes as his knife and sheares could find place for and so send it him: which he did and accordingly cut the Shoo­makers in the very same manner and carried it home, where Prince Crispin began to be wroth but understanding it was the mode that the Knights was made his combe fell saying he would be a Gentleman no more.

Sir William Clark.

SIR William Clark a Gentleman much conversant in Court, a great Masquer and acceptable to the Ladies being a man of excellent shape and goodly feature and proportion, was one night at a Masque in Whitball where were present King JAMES and Queen Anne; after a scene or two he having some Office or charge for that night while the stage was free passed over to the other side about some businesse and with such a stately [Page 9]and strutting pace befitting his present employment, that a Lady knowne unto him thinking to put a jeere upon him said Sir—pray have a care you hurt not your selfe by stradling so wide I wonder what ayles you; to whom he he presently and openly re­torted, In troth Madam if you had that betwixt your legs which I have it would make you straddle a great deal wider.

Lord Spencer.

RObert Lord Spencer Baron of Wormleighton being a Man of a quick and clear spirit, speaking one day in Parliament of the valour of their English Ancestors in defending the Liberties of the Nation, the Earle of Arundel stood up and replyed, your Ancestors were keeping of sheep (that Lord and his Predecessors being known for the greatest Sheep-masters in England) when those Liberties were defended. If they were a keep­ing of sheep returned the other, yours [Page 10]were then in plotting of Treason. This animosity for the present cost both of them a confinement, yet so that after­wards the upper House ordered repa­rations to this Lord Spencer as first and causelessely provoked.

Doctor Preston.

DOctor Preston was the greatest Pupil-monger in England in Mans memory, having sixteen fellow Commoners most Heires to faire estates admitted in one year in Queens Colledge, and provided convenient ac­comodations for them. As William the popular Earle of Nassaw Prince of Aurange was said to have won a sub­ject from the King of Spain to his own party every time he put off his Hat, so it was commonly said in the Colledge that every time Mr. Preston plucked off his Hat to Dr. Davenant the Master, he gained a Chamber or Study for one of his Pupils, among [Page 11]whom one Chambers a Londoner was eminent for his learning. Being after­wards chosen himselfe Master of Ema­nuel Colledge, he removed thither with most of his Pupils, and when it was much admired where all these should find lodging in that Colledge which was so full already, one replyed, Mr. Preston will carry Chambers along with him.

Sir Thomas More.

SIR Thomas More being committed to the Tower for refusing the Oath of Supremacy, being, as in his time it was, the custome, and also to our me­mory observed, that the Prisoners there were not dieted at their own but the Kings charges, the Lieutenant of the Tower providing their food for them: when the said Lieutenant one day said unto him by way of comple­ment, that he was sorry his Com­mons were no better, I like said Sir [Page 12]Thomas the dyet very well, and if I dislike it, turn me out of Doores.

A Courtier coming to him, while in restraint, with proffer of mercy from the King if he would comply with his Majesties will, and take the said Oath, he replyed that His minde was now changed, whereupon the Courtier departed, and told the King that Sir Thomas would submit himself to his grace in that matter, which the King willing to accept, gave him order to repaire to the Tower again, and re­ceive it in a forme under his hand. At his return challening Sir Thomas with his promise, he wondring told him that he meant only by changing his minde, that whereas he had re­solved to shave himselfe before his Execution, he would now let his beard suffer with his head: to the abashment of the man, who so confi­dently had informed the King of Sir Thomas his conversion.

The same Sir Thomas during his Chancellorship, had his Lady well at­tended by a handsome retinue, espe­cially [Page 13]at going to Church, living then in Chelsey, where her Gentleman-usher alwayes after my Lord was out of his seat after Sermon, used to wait upon his Lady, telling her Madam my Lord is gone. It hapned that upon this score of the supremacy sir Thomas was put from that dignity, where­upon the next Sunday after as soon as Church was done, (having the week before dismist most of his servants in­tending to live privately,) he came to his Ladies Pew himselfe, and said un­to her alone in passing, Madam my Lord is gone, (meaning the Chancel­lor,) and so walkt home before her.

Sir Pallavicin Horatio.

ONe Seignior Pallavicin a Genoese who lived in England a kin to Sir Horatio, boasting of his Nobility and high extraction, as descended from an illustrious House, was thus answered by a blunt Citizen (who [Page 14]from mean Parentage had risen to great wealth, reputation and honor, and so I (saith he) also am come of an illustrious House, where the Sun con­stantly shone through the rotten walls and roofes thereof.

My Lord Bacon.

IT is storied of my Lord Bacon (to his advantage) that when he was Lord Chancellor he had two servants one in all causes Patron to the Plain­tiffe (whom charity presumed always injured the other to the Defendant (pittying him as compelled to Law) but taking bribes of both, with this condition to restore the money if the Cause went against them; Their Lord ignorant hereof, alwayes did impar­tial justice, whilest his two serants making people pay for what was given them, by compact shared the money between them, which in conclusion cost the Master the losse of his Office.

Dr. Perne.

DOctor Perne Master of Peter house, and Dean of Ely in Cam­bridge, this Person was very facetious and excellent at blunt sharp jests, and loved that kind of mirth even so as to be noted for his wit in them. This Dean chanced to call a Clergy-man fool (that indeed was little better) who replyed that he would complain thereof to the Lord Bishop of Ely. Do saith the Dean when you will, and my Lord Bishop will confirm you.

Yet was Doctor Perne himselfe at last heart-broken with a jest being at Court in the time of Queen Elizabeth with Archbishop Whitgift his Pupil; It seemes he was noted to have altred his religion with the several raignes of Hen. 8. Ed. 6. Q. Mary, and Queen Elizabeth. It fell out at his being there as aforesaid, the Queen was disposed and resolved that afternoon [Page 16]for all it rained very hard, to goe a­broad contrary to the mind of her Ladies on Horseback (Coaches not be­ing then common) who were to attend her. Now one Clod the Queen's Jester was employ'd by the Courtiers to laugh the Queen out of so inconveni­ent a journey, which he performed in this manner. Heaven quoth he Madam disswades you it is cold and wet, and Earth disswades you it is moist and dirty; Heaven disswades you, this Heavenly minded man Archbishop Whitgift, and Earth disswades you, your fool Clod such a lump of clay as my selfe, And if neither will prevaile with You, here is one that is neither Heaven nor Earth, but hangs betwixt both, Doctor Perne, and he also dis­swades you: hereat the Queen and the Courtiers laughed heartily, whilst the Doctor withdrew himselfe to Lambeth, and there dyed out of meer conceit of this publick dictery.

Queen Elizabeth.

QUeen Elizabeth was of an un­daunted courage, so that once a prime Officer with a white staffe (whose name for his honorable Poste­rities sake shall be passed by) coming into her presence, the Queen willed him to confer such a place now void on one of her Servants whom she commended unto him: Please your Highnesse Madam, said the Lord, the disposall hereof pertaineth to me by vertue of this white stasse conferred upon me; True said the Queen, yet I never gave you the office so absolut­ly, but I still reserved my selfe of the Quorum; But of the Quarum Madam replied he, presuming on her fa­vor; hereat the Queen in some passi­on snatching the staffe out of his hand You shall acknowledge me, said she, of the Quorum Quarum Quorum, be­fore you have your staffe againe.

Wood of Kent.

NIcholas Wood (I cannot but ob­serve him as a living jest and merriment of the times, though the greatest grief and sorrow to himself imaginable through his Caninus Ap­petitus or doggish appetite) he was a Landed Man and true Labourer, he would eat provision for twenty men at a meal, a whole Hogg at a sitting and at another time thirty dozen of Pigeons; this by the modern trench­ermen, is called playing at a bit, and so is rancked here in that Topick,

Bishop Bancroft.

THIS excellent Prelate was ve­ry much abused by virulent tongues and pens of the Puritan par­ty, being he that managed the Con­ference [Page 19]at Hampton-Court so learnedly and acutely; so that as Mithridates their venemous tongues became food to him. Once a Gentleman coming to visit him presented him a libell (lye because false) bell because loud) which he found posted on his door, who nothing moved hereat, Cast it said he to an hundred more which lie here u­pon a heap in my Chamber.

A Pike.

IT is known of what voracity Pikes are, being called the Tyrants of Rivers: Once a Cub-Fox drinking out of the river Arnus in Italy had his head seized on by a mighty Pike, so that neither could free themselves but were ingrapled together, in this contest a young man runs to the water takes them both out alive and carrieth them to the Duke of Florence, whose Palace was near thereunto. The Por­ter would not admit him without [Page 20]promising of sharing his full halfe in what the Duke should give him, To which he hopeless otherwise of En­trance condescended, The Duke high­ly effected with the rarity was on gi­ving him a good reward which the o­ther refused, desiring his Highness would appoint one of his guard to give him a hundred Lashes that so the Porter might have fifty, according to his Composition.

Apes.

THere is a sort of Apes in India caught by the Natives thereof in this manner, they dresse a little boy in his sight and undresse him again lea­ving all the Childs aparell behind them and then depart a convenient distance: The Ape presently atyreth himselfe in the same garments till the Childs cloathes become his chains, putting of his feet by putting on his Shoos, as most of our Gallants doe, for French [Page 21]fashions leaving the old English man­ners.

Lord William Cecill.

HE was Secretary and Lord Trea­surer to Queen Elizabeth for a­bout 30. yeares together Ancestor of the Earle of Exeter, being Moderator Auleae steering the Court at his plea­sure, and whilest the Earle of Leicester would endure no equal, and Sussex no Superiour therein, he by sideing with neither served himselfe with both. Incredible was the kindnesse which Queen Elizabeth had for him, or ra­ther for her selfe in him, being sensi­ble that he was so able a Minister of State: coming once to visit him, being sick of the Gourt at Burley house in the Strand, and being much heightned with her head attire, (then in fashion) the Lords servant who conducted her through the door, May your Highnesse said he be pleased to stoop; the Queen returned, For your Masters sake [Page 22]I will stoop, but not for the King of Spain.

Sutton the Founder of that Hospital.

HE got his Estate by being Pay­master at Berwick under the Queen, and by being thrifty and fru­gall in that employment, and then tur­ned merchant. He had a merchant his Comrade, with whom he had Com­pany in common, but their charges were several to themselves; when his friend in travel called for two Fa­gots Mr Sutton called for one, when his friend called for halfe a Pint of Wine Mr Sutton for a Gill, underspen­ding him a moiety: at last Mr Sutton hearing of his Friends Death and that he left but fifty thousand pounds Estate, I thought (said he) he would die no rich Man who made such needlesse Expences.

The Kings Champion.

SIr Robert Dimock being by inheri­tance the Kings Champion at the Coronation of Henry the 7. came on Horseback into Westminster Hall where the King according to custome dined and casting his Gauntlet on the ground challenged any who durst question the Kings right to the Crown. King Henry being pleased to dissemble him­selfe a stranger to that Ceremony, de­manded of a stander-by what that Knight said, to whom the party re­turned, He challengeth any man to fight with him who dares deny your Highnesse to be the lawfull King of England. If he will not fight with such a one, said the King, I will.

Sir Thomas Gresham.

OSterley House was built by Sir Thomas Gresham (now it is Sir William Wallers where Sir Thomas entertained Queen Elizabeth. Being there Her Majesty found fault with the Court of the House as too great, affir­ming that it would appear more hand­some if divided with a wall in the mi­dle: What doth Sir Thomas but in the night time sends for workmen from London who so silently and speedily followed their work that the next morning discovered that Court dou­ble which the night had left single be­fore: the Queen was very well plea­sed, while a Courtier disported her with this quibble, that it was no won­der he could so soon change a building who could build a Change.

Disputation.

AT an extraordinary Act of Di­vinity kept at Cambridge be­fore King James, when Dr. John Davenant was Answerer, and Dr. Richardson amongst others the Opo­ser; the Question was maintained in the Negative, concerning the excom­munication of Kings; Dr. Richardson vigorously pressed the practice of St. Ambrose excommunicating the Em­perour Theodosius, insomuch that the King in some passion returned, Truly it was most insolently done by St. Ambrose; to whome Dr. Richardson replied, This is a Majestick answer, and befitting Alexander; this is not to untie but cut the argument.

Sir John Cuts.

SIR John Cuts of Cambridg-shire was a most bountifull house-keep­er as any of his estate, insomuch that Queen Elizabeth in the beginning of her Reign (whilest yet she had peace with Spain) the sicknesse being at Lon­don, ordered the Spanish Embassa­dour to this Knights house; the Em­bassadour coming thither and under­standing his name to be John Cuts, conceived himselfe disparaged to be sent to one of so short a name, the Spanish Gentlemen generally having voluminous names helpt and stuft out with Titles, usually adding the place of their habitation for the elongation thereof. But soon after that the Don found that what the Knight lacked in length of name, he made up in the largnesse of his entertainment.

The Countesse of Shrewsbury.

MAry Queen of Scots, Mother of King James, being committed to the keeping of George Earle of Shrewsbury, who had married a Lady of a notable, pregnant and undaunted spirit, the custody of so great a Prin­cesse on the Earles cost, was quickly by her found to be chargeable, and which was worse dangerous, the Pa­pists of the kingdome daily practising her enlargement; it hapned this Countesse coming to the Court, Queen Elizabeth demanded of her how the Queen of Scots did, Madam said she, she cannot doe ill while she is with my Husband, and I begin to grow jealous they are so great together. Where­upon the Queen who liked not any familiarity of that royal Prisoner with so great and potent a Peer, or­dered her removall thence into the custody of others.

Sir Arthur Chichester.

SIR Arthur Chichester once Lord Deputy of Ireland, being recalled thence, was sent Ambassador to the Emperor by King James, about that labour in vain of the Palatinate, re­turning thence the place where he was, the City of Maynchin, was besieg­ed by Count Tilly the Emperor's Ge­nerall, to whom my Lord Chichester sent word that it was against the Law of Nations to besiege an Ambassador, Tilly replyed, That he took no notice he was an Ambassador, the other re­joyned by the Messenger, Had my Ma­ster sent me with as many hundred men as he hath sent me on fruitlesse messages hither, your Generall should have known that I had been as well a Souldier as an Ambassador.

Thomas Stukely.

THomas Stukely the famous Glorioso was a younger Brother of an an­cient, wealthy and worshipfull Fami­ly neer Ilfracombe in the County of Devon, having prodigally mispent his Patrimony, he entred on severall projects, which centred in a designe and perswasion of his being a Prince. In this he was so confident, that be blushed not to tell Queen Elizabeth that he preferred rather to he Soveraign of a Mole-hill, then to be the highest Subject to the greatest King in Christendome, adding moreover, that he was assured he should be a Prince before his death. I hope (said Queen Elizabeth) I shall hear from you when you are stated in your princi­pality, I will write unto you quoth Stukely, In what language said the Queen? He returned in the stile of Princes, To our dear Sister.

Earle of Oxford.

HEnry Vere the seventeenth of that name Earle of Oxford, and the last Lord Chamberlain of England of his Family, whose sturdy nature would not bow to Court Comple­ments, but maintain what he spake, came one day to the Court with a great milk white Feather about his Hat, which was then somewhat un­usuall, save that a person of his merit might make a fashion; a Lord an Ene­my to his Family, and one whose an­cestors were blemished, said in a way of jeer to him, My Lord you wear a very fair Feather; It is true, said the Earl, and if you mark it, there's ne're a Taint in it. Indeed that Noble Fami­ly deserve their Motto, Vero nil veri­us.

A Bite.

TWO Gentlemens Servants fall­ing out, one belonging to a Courtier of great place, another to a Countrey Esquire, fell at last to vye the noblenesse of their Masters and their superiority; saith the one, My master spends more in Mustard then thine in Beef, whereunto the o­ther returned, The more sawcy men his Followers.

Mr. Richard Hackluit.

Mr. Richard Hackluit a very me­morable person, who writ that book of the English Voyages so usefull for all Sea-Men, for which he deserves well of this Nation; dying, left a very fair Estate to an unthrift Son, who embezilled it all away in a [Page 32]shamlesse manner, vanting that be had cheated the covetous Usurer who had given him spick and span new mo­ney for the old land of his great great Grandfather.

Beggars Bush.

THere is a place called Beggars Bush in Huntingtonshire grown into a Proverb, This is the way to Beggars Bush; it happened that King James being in progresse in those parts with Sir Francis Bacon the Lord Chancel­lour, having heard that morning that my Lord had prodigiously rewarded a mean man for a small present, Sir Francis, said he, You will quickly come to Beggars Bush, and I may even go a­long with you if both be so bountifull.

Name.

ONE immoderately boasted that there was not any of his name in all England, and yet he was a Gentleman; to whome one in the company returned, I am sorry Sir you have never a good man of your name.

Sir Walter Rawleigh.

SIR Walter Rawleighs first admit­tance to Queen Elizabeths favour, was from this occasion; he was one day at Court, after his coming out of Ireland, in a very good habit (his cloaths were then a considerable part of his Estate) and there found the Queen walking, till meeting with a plashy place, the Queen scrupled to go therein; presently Rawleigh cast [Page 34]and spread his new Plush Cloak on the ground, whereon the Queen trod gently, rewarding him after­wards with many suits for so free a tender of so fair a foot cloath; after he had attained her open favour he found many enemies (which worth never wanteth at Court) besides cowardly detractions, of whom Sir Walter was wont to say, If any man ac­cuseth me to my face I will answer him with my mouth, but my taile is good e­nough to returne an answer to such who traduce me behind my back.

An Italian Humour.

LET him that will be happy for a day go to the barber, for a week marry a wife, for a moneth buy him a new horse, for a year build him a new house, for all his life time be an honest man.

Law Suit.

A Lady would traverse a Suit of Law against the will of her hus­band who was contended to buy his quiet (I forbear the names both of them and the judge because so lately done and it becomes not the persons) by giving her her will therein though otherwise perswaded in his conscience the cause would goe against her.

The Lady dwelling in the shire Town invited the judge to dinner (& though thrifty enough of her selfe) treated him with very sumptuous en­tertainment. Dinner being done the judge returned to the bench where the cause being called, the judge gave it clearly against her. And when after­wardes in passion she vowed never to invite judge again: Nay wife said he vow never to invite a just judge any more.

Sir Francis Cheyney.

SIr Francis Cheyney made by Queen Elizabeth Baron of Tuddington in Bedfordshire of a very ancient noble fa­mily and as great and larg demesnes & Patrimony, was in his youth very wild and venturous, so that on a time he played at dice in his travels in the quality of an English Peer with Henry the second of France, from whom he won a Diamond of great worth at a cast; whereupon being demanded by the King what shift he would have made to repair himselfe in case he had lost the cast: I have replyed my Lord, in an hyperbolicall bravery, Sheeps Tails enough in Kent with their wool to buy a better Diamond then this.

Earle of Carnarvon.

THe Earle of Carnarvon who so va­liantly and resolutly witnessed his Loyalty in several fights for King Cbarles the first of blessed memory who gave him his Honour, was mor­tally wounded at the first Battel of Newbery: in his agony of death, he was desired by a Lord to acquaint him what suit he would have to his Majesty in his behalfe, the said Lord promising to discharge his trust in presenting his request and assuring him that his Ma­jesty would be willing to gratify his desire to the utmost of his power. To whom the Earle replyed, I will not dye with any suit in my mouth to any King save to the King of Heaven.

Ship Money.

THe begining of our late unnatu­rall broyles, was among other causes inputed cheifly to the impositi­on of Ship-money, for which Mr Hambden was condemned in the Ex­chequer in a penall Sume by the con­sent of ten of the judges, who gave their opinion that that Taxe was legal, only Judge Hutton and Judge Crook declared against it, so that a stop was put to the levying of it, whereupon a Countryman no friend to the prerogative said wittily. The King may get Ship-money by Hooke but not by Crook. but since that time other Taxes ten times heavyer have been taken from us by Hook and Crooke together.

Coat of Arms.

IT is the rule general in Armes that the playner the ancienter, and so consequently the more Honourable, to this purpose a memorable Gentle­man, the beginning of whose Gentry might easily be remembred for its late rise, was mocking at the plain coat of an ancient Esquire, to whom the Esquire returned I must be fain to wear the Coat which my Great, great, great, great, grand­father left me. But had I had the happy­ness to have bought one as you did, it should have been guarded after the newest Fashion.

Extraction.

IT happened in the raign of King James, when Henry Earle of Hun­tington was Lord Lieutenant of Leicestershire, that a Labourers son in [Page 40]that County was pressed into the Wars being to go over with Count Mansfeild into Germany. The old man at Lei­cester requested his Son might be dis­charged as being the only staffe of his age who by his industry maintained him and his mother. The Earle de­manded his name, which the man for a long time was loth to tell (as sus­pecting it a fault for a poor man to confesse so proud a truth) at last he told his name was Hastings, Cosen Ha­stings said the Earle we cannot all be top branches of the same Tree though we all spring from the same Root. your Son my Kinsman shall not be pressed.

Complement.

A Gentleman a Courtier and who had potent recommendations from King James to a Lady of Quality and Honour, to set off his Suit with the greatest splendor, came alwayes attended with a large retinue, one [Page 41]whereof was to be near his Person, now they were only hired for that day and so dismist at night when he came from his wooing. This was observed by the Lady. One night therefore ta­ing leave of her at the stayre foot where his man attended him he prof­fered to salute her as the good-night civility, to which Spare your Comple­ment said shee for probably I shall shortly see you again, but let me I pray you salute your servant whom I shall never see again.

King James.

KING James first coined his 22. shillings peice of Gold called Jacobusses where on his head he wore a Crown, after that he coined his 20. shillings and wore the Lawrel in stead of the Crown, upon which mutation Ben. Johnson said pleasantly. That Poets being alwayes poor Bayes were rather the Embleme of Wit then wealth since King James no sooner began [Page 42]to wear them, but he fell two shillings in the pound in publique valuation.

Bishops.

SOon after those tumults and cla­mours at Westminster when there­by Bishops were outed illegally from their places in the House of Lords, the assembly then sitting at the Deanes House of Westminster, a reverend Bi­shop dyed, and was buried (as other­wise it could not be obtained) by Mr Herle the President of that Assembly, who the next day meeting with a friend of his of the Episcopall perswa­sion, said unto him somewhat insult­ingly, last night I buried a Bishop, dashing more at his profession then person, to whom the other returned with a like latitude to both, sure you buried him in hop of Resurrection. And this as to the sacred Function and order wee see performed.

Goats.

IT is known that Goats are the prin­cipall brood of Wales and of great bignesse and are the best food where sheep cannot be had: during the re­straint of Queen Elizabeth by her Sister Queen Mary in the Custody of Sir Henry Benefeild, so that none were admitted accesse unto her, a Goat was espied by a merry fellow (one of her Warders) to be walking alone with her, where upon taking the goat on his shoulders he in all hast hurried him to Sir Harry. I pray (said he) ex­amine this fellow whom I found wal­king with her Grace, but what talke they had I know not, not understand­ing his Language, he seems to me a stranger, and I believe a Welchman by his freize Coat.

Another.

THomas ap William, ap Thomas, ap Richard, ap Howell, ap Evan, ap Ʋaughan, &c. Esquire being born of [Page 44]Worshipfull parentage at Moston in this County was empannelled of a Jury by the aforesaid Names in the reign of King Henry the Eight, where­upon by the advice of the Judge his name was contracted (he consenting to it) into Moston the place of his Nativity and ancient Inheritance. This leading case was a precedent to the practice of other Gentrey in Wales who lea­ving their Pedigrees at Home carry only one Sir-name abroad with them, whereby much time especially in win­ter, when the dayes are short, is gained for better employment.

Bishop of Gloucester.

DOctor Goodman Bishop Gloucester in the raign of King Charles the first when he dyed declared himselfe by his will a Roman Catholick, an in­timation whereof he gave at the con­vocation in 1640. where he refused to subscribe the Canons and was [Page 45]therefore and for other Erroneous o­pinions inprisoned by his Brother Prelates; was wont to say, complay­ning of our first Reformers, that Bishop Ridley was a very odd Man, to whom one presently returned; He was in­deed an odd Man my Lord, for all the Popish party in England could not match him with his equall in learning and Religion.

The Kings Porter.

WIlliam Evans Porter to King Charls the first was a Welchman of Monmouthshire and may justly be ac­counted a Giant for his stature, being full 2. yards and a halfe in height. He succeeded Walter Parsons, (who would take two of the biggest of the Guard under each arme as a liver and gizard and so carry them) & exceeded him 2. inches in Height, but far beneath him in an equall proportion of body, for he was not only what the Latines call [Page 46] Compernis, knocking his knees toge­ther and going out squalling with his feet, but also bandylegd a little, yet he made a shift to dance at an Antimasque in Court, where he drew little Jef­fery out of his pocket, first to the wonder then to the laughter of the Beholders.

Parson Bull.

UPON the happy and most au­spicious restauration of our So­veraign to his Kingdomes one Parson Bull a Minister, who had as loyally as learnedly maintained and asserted his Majesties cause, had a benefice of some value conferred on him by the Kings gift, but before his Patent could be sealed, the Lord Chancellour upon some presentation had disposed it, or some way it happened that he was hindred so that the Parson had spent all his money in towne in attending of it; One day therefore seeing his mo­ney [Page 47]grew short he put his hand in his pocket and finding nothing there but the Kings Grant with his hand to it, he went confidently to his Majesty and told Him that he had lost all the mo­ney, out of his pocket and found none but his Majesties hand therein; at which the King smiled and asked him if his business was not dispatched, he repli­ed no, Thereupon he was expressely recommended to the Chancellour for expedition of his Patent who at his addresse understanding him to be a wit, said unto him, pray what's your name; Bull said the Parson, where are then your Hornes said my Lord? if it please your Lordship replyed he, the Hornes alwayes go with the Hide.

Lord Goring.

GEorge Earle of Norwich Lord Goring being sentenced by the High Court of justice, for that same crime of Loyalty with the ever Ho­nourable Lord Capell for their most [Page 48]noble defence of the Town Colchester in 1648. was at the point of death by the potent intercession of the Spanish Ambassador reprieved from Executi­on which Duke Hambleton Earle of Holland and Lord Capell deplorably suffered. This Earle being visited af­ter this reprieve and asked, how he did? answered I had thought to have pulled off my Doublet, but now I have leisure to Hooke up my Breeches.

A Gentleman.

A Gentleman coming to Court, as he was lighting out of his Coach, asked a Page or Lacquy that retained to some Person therein, very hastily what a Clock it was? to whom the lad said, Sir what will you give me then. The Gentleman wondering at the boy asked him what he meant by it. Sir (saith he) I would not have you mistake your selfe. We Courtiers doe nothing without money.

Sir Henry Martin.

SIR Henry Martin Father to the unfortunate Harry Martin (a cri­minal in the horrid murder of the King) was a very fine Gentleman, and a very learned Person. By King James he was worthily advanced in the sphere of his study the civil Lawes, wherein he was very eminent, to be Judge of the Prerogative for Probate of Wills, and also of the admiralty in Cases concerning foreign traffique, so that as King James used to say plea­santly, That he (Sir Henry) was a mighty Monarch in his jurisdiction over Land and Sea, the living and the dead.

Boots.

WHen Doctor John Gostin was last Vice Chancellor of Cam­bridge [Page 50]being Master of Caius Colledge and an excellent Physician, it was highly penal for any Scholar to appear in Boots, it being not thought civil. Now a Scholar undertook for a small wager much beneath the penalty to addresse himselfe booted to the vice Chancellor, which was thought a dangerous presumption, so carrying an Urinal in his hand, he craved his ad­vice for a cure of an hereditary numnesse in his Legs, which he was fain to keep thus warm. The Doctor pittyed him, and dismist him with a remedy to boot with his wager.

Sir Gilbert Talbot.

SIR Gilbert Talbot being made Go­vernor of Calis by King Henry the eight upon some advice or suspition that the French had some sudden de­sign upon the place by surprisal, was commanded peremptorily that pre­sently and carefully he should look to [Page 51]his charge and fortifie the Town, to whom sir Gilbert replyd, (being unpro­vided of necessaries) as briefly as bluntly, That without money he could neither fortify nor fiftify.

Sir Robert Naunton.

ONE Master Wiemark a wealthy Man, a great Newes-monger, and constant Pauls walker, hearing the newes that day of the beheading of Sir Walter Rawleigh, His head (said he) would do very well on the shoul­ders of Sir Robert Naunton then Se­cretary of State to King James; These words were complained of, and Wiemark summoned to the Privy Councel, where he pleaded for him­selfe, that he intended no disrespect to Master Secretary, whose known worth was above all detraction. Only he spake in reference to an old pro­verb, Two heads are better then one. And so for the present he was dismis­sed. [Page 52]Not long after when rich men were called on for a Contribution for S^t. Pauls, Wiemark at the Councel Ta­ble subscribed a hundred pound, when Mr Secretary told Him two Hundred was better then one, which betwixt Feare and Charity Wiemark was fain to subscribe.

A Learned Maide.

A Certain learned Maid being pre­sented to King James as a mir­rour of her Sexe, for her skill in Languages, Hebrew, Greek, and Latin, besides the French, &c. which she could perfectly write and speak. The King without any wonderment, askt of her introducers, if she could spin? and some waggish Courtiers answer'd, If it please your Majesty, she is at age to chuse what occupation she pleaseth.

Bishopricks.

JOHN WATSON Deane of Winchester, being informed that the Bishoprick thereof being va­cant would be confered on him, came to the Earle of Leicester the great Favourite, and privately pro­mised him two hundred pounds that he might not be made Bishop of Win­chester but remain in his present Con­dition. The Bishoprick being void and the Queen expressing her intention to confer it on Watson, the said Earle re­quested the Contrary, and would have used arguments against his Nominati­on, but that not serving he was forced to tell the Queen that he had promi­sed two hundred pounds to him to keep him from that dignitie, and it would be so much out of his way. Nay then said the Queen Watson shall have it, he being more worthy to have it who will give two hundred pounds to [Page 54]decline it then he that will give 2000 P. to attain it.

Marston Moor.

ON that fatal day to the Royal cause, the Lord Goring in the begining of the Battel, which was about 3. a Clock in the afternoon July 2. 1644, having with great valour and courage routed the left wing of the Parliament Army, wherein the Scots were placed under Lashley their Generall, who u­pon the rout fled a Yorkeshire mile and weabit, the lord Diddup a Scotch Baron lately made therein happened to be killed; when the account of the battel was gi­ven to the king he came to be mention­ed, as a ballance to my Lord Cary eldest son of the Earle of Monmouth slain on the Kings side. At the naming of which Scotch Lord his Majesty said That he hardly remembred that he had such a Lord in Scotland, to which one returned That the Lord had wholly forgotten that he had such a King in England.

Wales.

A Right worshipfull Knight in Wales who had a fair Estate there­in, his rents arising from much barren ground, heard an Englishman, perhaps out of much opposition, to brag, that he had in England so much ground worth fourty shillings an Acre, you said he have ten yardes of Velvet, and I have tenscore yardes of Freize, I will not Exchange with you.

A Welch Gentleman.

KING James riding late home from Theobalds to Whitehall, it happened that in the mid way it fell a raining very hard, whereupon the King who before kept a due pace be­fitting his Majesty, commanded his re­tinue and the Gentlemen neer Him [Page 56]to put on and make what speed they could. Among the rest there was pre­sent a Welchman a retainer to the Earle of Pembroke, but newly admitted to some Office and attendance on him, who by the trick or slighting of the Groome had a very ill Horse put upon him. Assoon as the word was given, from the King the Traine flew with swiftnesse and the King with them: The Welchman he spurred and flutter­ed with his legs to keep pace with him and with much busle headed the party neer the Kings Person where he fell a belabouring his Horse as if he were mad, the King hearing the stir he made, demanded who it was and what was the matter, who replyed, an't please Her Majesty Her is as good a Shentleman as the best of them, but Her Cattel cannot travell so fast.

Lord Bacon.

A Parliament being called in the year 1621. Francis Bacon Lord Chan­cellor was outed his office for bribery, the frequent receiving whereof by him or his was plainly proved, yet for all this his taking just and unjust he was exceeding poor and much indeb­ted, wherefore when motion was made in the House of Commons of fineing him some thousand of pounds, Sir F. S. a noble Member standing up desired that for two reasons his Fine might be mitigated into fourty shil­lings, First because that would be paid, whereas a greater summe would only make a noise and never be payed, secondly the shame would be the greater, when such his prodigality, that he who had been so large a taker in offices was reduced to such penury that fourty shillings should be con­ceived a sufficient Fine for his Estate. So that what he got by the tryals at [Page 58]Barre as Attorney, he lost by the try­als at Barre as Chancellour.

Another.

THE same Sir Francis having once invited Queen Elizabeth to his Mannour of Gorhambury a pleasant seat, now in the possession of the Ho­nourable Sir Harbotle Grimston Master of the Rolles; the Queen was much taken with the scituation, contrivance and beauty of the Fabrick, but as her constant custome was to be a Critick in Architecture, told Sir Francis that the House had but one fault, it was too little, to which Sir Francis replyed Madam that is not the Houses fault, but yours who have made me the Master too great for it.

K. Hen. 8.

KING Henry being a hunting came to the Abbot of Readings House to dinner (to whom soon after he had little or rather a big stomack) and found a Surloine of Beefe, then so named by the King ready for dinner the Abbot not knowing who he was, not guessing it by his small retinue, bid him welcome and set the Beefe before him, On which the King fed heartily, while the Abbot, no nig­gard or unhospitable Preist merryly smild to see him lay no so, saying in a jest Sir I would give a hundred pounds I had as good a stomack, and could feed so, but my appetite is quite lost: say you so thought the King, & having thankt the Abbot departed; A weeke after he sends a Pursivant to bring the Abbot up to the Councell Table, by whom without further examination he was committed to the Tower where [Page 60]the King had given expresse order that he should be kept with a very spare dyet, and no releife admitted besides; this dyet soon brought up the Gentlemans stomack, so that he could be glad to have had a suffolke cheese and a twelfpeny loafe set before him: being in this way to his cure, the King appointed a Surloine to be made rea­dy, and came and dined with him, where the Abbot taking him for a friendly visitant upon the mending of his commons fed lustily. Loe saith the King am not I a good Doctor, your Physick shall cost you but 50. pounds for your Fees, the other halfe you shall keepe, and if ever you fall into the same disease, pray send for me. And so gave him his liberty.

Evesham Bridge.

DUring our late unnatural Warre, this Evesham was made a Garri­son by the King, and Collonel William Leg Governour thereof, storm'd af­terwards [Page 61]by Collonel Massey with much bravery and as well maintained. It happened in that Town one of the Garrison Horsemen going over the Bridge while the Town was in a hur­ry, his Horse startled, took a freake, and leapt with his rider from off the Bridge into the River, being a danger­ous fall, but coming plump down Horse and Man over head and eares, swom out safely to the shore. The Gentleman spurs him up, and brings him to the same place of the Bridge again. Quoth he you did it with a ven­gance before for your own pleasure, you shall leape it again now for mine, and so spurd him over, and it pleased God they both came safe out again to the astonishment of the spectators.

Organs.

A Gentleman would needs invite a Lady to see the order and beauty of the Kings Chappell, and one day [Page 62]waited upon her thither: just as they came to the Door to enter, the Organs went, he takes her in his hand to presse through, no indeed Sir, saith she, (holding back) I pray excuse me, I do assure you I cannot dance.

Queen Mary.

GReat hopes there were by the Papists that Queen Mary was with Child, nor did she think other of her selfe, so that by Whitsontide it was expected she should be brought a bed; many Processions and set prayers to the purpose were used, & a solemne thanksgiving for her inpregnation: the time of her delivery thus Calcu­lated, neer thereabouts a Rumor was presently spread, that the Queen was delivered of a hopefull Prince, where­upon many bonfires were made in London with ringing of Bells and such like expressions of joy, and the like so­lemnities were used soon after by the [Page 63] English at Antwerp. In all which as there seemed a spice of madness, yet none was altogether so wild as the Curate of St Anns neer Aldersgate, who took upon him after the end of the procession to describe the propor­tion of the Child, how fair how beau­tyfull and a great Prince it was, adding The like whereof had never been seen.

Disputation.

AT the disputation at Oxford in Q. Maries Times between the Papists & Doctor Arch Bishop Cranmer, Bishop Ridley and Latimer, then disputing for their lives, Doctor Weston the Prolocutor opened the business in hand with this preface (you must know that Transubstantiation was the thing to be maintained by the Roma­nists) ye are assembled hither brethren this day to confound that detestable Heresy of the verity of the body of Christ in the Sacrament: this occasioned no small [Page 64]shame in some, more laughter in others which was heightned by as bad a sole­cisme in his behaviour, for during the whole time of the coutroversy he had alwayes a cup of Wine or other good liquor standing by him: when a cogent argument for their side which he well liked was urged, ha­ving the cup in his hand he cryed out, follow this, insist upon this, this makes for us, which was spoken too, in as bad Latin as manners.

Lord Hunsdon.

SIR Henry Cary of whom before was a great fauourite of Queen Elizabeths, and who did her good service, of which she was no heedlesse regarder in any of her subjects: It is reported of him as cheife part of his Character that his Latin and his dissi­mulation and Courtship were alike false. He was designed Earl of Wilishire but the Queen for some reasons de­layed [Page 65]the investiture: falling dange­rously sick, to comfort and revive him she then caused the Earles robes and the Patent to be brought to his bed side and there would have created him: No Madam said the stout Lord, you thought me not worthy of them while I was living, and I thinke my selfe unwor­thy of them, now I am a dying.

King Philip.

CHarles the 5. having resigned all his hereditary Crownes and Dominions except the Empire of Ger­many to King Philip the second his son, who was by the marriage with Queen Mary the potent'st Prince in Europe, betook himselfe to a retired life in the Monastery of St Justus, ha­ving then scarce attained to the 55. year of his life to the great admiration of all the World. After which act he found himselfe so abandoned by all his followers, that sitting up late at [Page 66]night in conference with Seldius his Brothers Ambassador, he had not a servant within call to light the Gen­tlemen down stayres, whereupon the Emperour took the candle into his own hands, and would needes in his own person performe that office, and having brought him to the top of the stayres, said unto him, Remember Sel­dius that thou hast known the Emperour Charles whom thou hast seen in the head of so many Armies reduced to so low a state as to performe the office of an ordi­nary servant to his Brothers Minster.

Terme.

IN the 5. of Queen Mary 1558, there was such a thin Terme that there was but one Lawyer in the Kings Bench Mr Foster, and one Serjeant Mr Bouloise at the Common Pleas, both [Page 67]having little more to do then to look about them, and the Judges not more to do then the Lawyers had; who in the quiet times were much increased, as may be gathered from the words of Heiwood the old Epigrammatist, and one much made of by this Queen, who being told of the great number of them, and that the multitude of them would impoverish the whole professi­on, made answer, No; for that alwayes the more Spaniels there were in the field, the more was the Game.

Stumps the Clothier.

KIng Henry the Eight hunting neer Malmsborough in the Coun­ty of Wiltshire (where this Tho. Stumps dwelt) in Bredon Forrest came with all his Court Train unexpected to this Clothier, being a Man of great wealth and the greatest Trade of cloathing in England. But great House-keepers are as seldome surprized with guests as vigilant Captaines with enemies; for Stumps hearing thereof, commands his little Army of Workmen, which he fed daily in his House, to fast one meal until night, (which they might easily do without endangering their health) and with the same provision gave the King and his Court Train, (though not so delicious and various) most wholesome and plentifull entertain­ment.

Sir Thomas Wyat.

SIR Thomas Wyat engaging in that Rebellion of Henry Gray Duke of Suffolk, against Queen Mary upon pretence of her matching with a for­rain Popish Prince, being suspected thereof by the Queen was warned from her, by a Herald at Armes sent to him, to desist from further intelli­gence or commotion in that businesse on his allegiance, and the penalties of Treason and Rebellion.

The Herald coming to Sir Thomas his House in Kent with his Coat Armour on his back, found it to be moated round, and the draw Bridge drawn up; whereupon espying a Man walking on the other side, he called to him; told him the hast of his bu­sinesse, and enquiring whether there was no passing over, nor shallowes in the place: The Man replyed yes, he might go over there; The Herald at­tempting [Page 70]it, was souced over head and eares, and his life endangered, but recovering the bank he alighted from his Horse, and with great fury and anger came storming into the House (missing of his guide) and com­plained of the affront done him, and more to his Mistresse the Queen who sent him. Sir Thomas hearing of it protested his ignorance and innocence, declaring that whosoever he should name of his servants that did it should suffer what punishment he would in­flict: All of them being then called before him, he espyed the fellow, that's a Mad-man said Sir Thomas, sir­rah said the Herald, why did you serve me so? did not you tell me I might passe well enough over the Moat; yea, said the other, for but just before you our Ducks that have shorter feet then your Horse passed to and fro without any danger.

King Henry the Eight.

KIng Henry the Eight, when he dissolved the Monasteries and Abbeys and other religious Houses, had a Parliament chosen for his pur­pose, the old Men out of tenacious­nesse to the old Religion and Clergy declining their Election, in whose roomes a great many young Men who had their Religion to learn from their profit and advancement, were substi­tuted in their places who carried the vote of the Country. These Men did the Kings businesse and devolved all those great possessions and revenues of the Church into his hands: some discourse being muttered about the rawnesse of such Councellors, and it being told the King by some of his privado's what the people said of them, viz. That the House of Commons had few or no Beards. No matter, said the King, they shall sit there while they have.

King James a Hunting.

KING James with some of his Nobles having lost their way in a Forest in the persuit of a Deer, came at last a hungry to the side of the same Forest where they espied a little House; thither hyed the King and de­manded first what victuals in the House, then with some comfortable leysure the way; the good wife sets before the King a good peice of pow­dered Beefe and a bag pudding, the King and his Followers fell to eat heartily, & having contented his hostess rid away: by the road side at some di­stance, a boy presents himself scraping with his legs, bareheaded, wheron was a thick scald: sirrah said the Lords, cover your head, have you never a cap? where do you dwell? In yonder cottage an't please you, (pointing to the place where the King dined) I had a Cap yesterday, but to day my [Page 73]mother made use of it for a pudding bag; Quoth the King it did me no harme in the eating, it shall do me lesse in thinking of it; come put on, and let us jog it down, but it stirr'd the stomacks of his Traine.

Sir Henry Rush.

SIR Henry Rush in Queen Elizabeths time had by his great expences very much impaired his estate almost to the annihilation of it, He had a Son grown to yeares and discretion, who seeing how the World went with his Father, applyed himselfe close to the study of the Law, and became a very contemplative kind of Person much different from the temper of his Father, who coming one day to him with some company, said to his Son after some words which he hee­ded not, what: you are musing now, and building Castles in the Ayre? In­deed replyed the Son, I must build [Page 74]them there or no where, for you have not left me a foot of Land to do it upon.

A Voyage.

THE Cardinal of Lorrain in the time of Queen Mary being to passe from Marseilles to Genoa in order to his Embassy to Rome, took Bruschet the King of France his foole along with him; as they came to be embar­qued Bruschet refused, objecting the danger, replyed the Cardinal I have our Holy Fathers benediction in this passage, Oh quoth the foole I have heard the Pope had power in Heaven Earth & Purgatory, but I never heard the see of Rome could command the Sea.

Hispaniola.

UPon the design of Hispaniola in a secret Counsell held by Oliver [Page 75]Cromwell, much debate there was upon the attempt of entrance, (as it afterwards happened betwixt the Ge­nerals Venables and Pen in the iustant of Landing on the place) in the midst of the dispute up stood Coll. Skippon saith he we are differing in opinions how we shall get in, but heres no dis­course how we shall get out.

Cardinall Wolsey.

CArdinall Wolsey was building him­selfe a very costly and magnifi­cent Monument or Sepulchre, to which often resorting to see how the worke went forward a fellow under the notion of a foole, standing by, my Lord said be you need not care how slowly it proceeds, for if you would use and occupy this grave you must enter in it a­live for it shall never entertaine you when dead.

Ambition.

GReat mens haughty enterprises are well castigated and reproved by a morall of a naturall who being of the scullery to King James, and em­ployed to bring the wood into the kitchin, did usually pull out the lowermost billets from under the load of great stacks, and being asked on a time by my Lord of Dorset, (who by chance espyed him a tugging of them out,) the reason thereof, be answered, he did the difficultest work first, with­out climbing: quoth my Lord, This is a way to spoile a Courtier.

A Morall.

SOme Fooles together by a river side put their legs into the water, when they had continued some time they [Page 77]knew not distinctly their own, none offering to draw them out while they were assured: in the interim comes a man and seeing them in this doubt gave them such a bange about the mi­dle of their legs, that they presently fetcht them out, being taught by the smart to know them. Applyable to Tyrants who in the stream of Prospe­rity mistake themselves, till judge­ment and calamity strikes and over­throwes them.

Sir Thomas Roe.

SIR Thomas Roe sent Ambassa­dor to the Grand Seigniour by King James, at his Audience by the Prime Vizier, was forced to stand, through want of a seat, after his busi­ness was delivered. Whereupon ha­ving a Robe or Vest about him of va­lue he threw it down and upon that seated himselfe, and after a little pause rose up, and left it: being asked the [Page 78]reason of it by the Vizier, he said that it was dishonourable for his Masters Ambassador either to bring or carry stooles from that Court.

A Polish Ambassador.

A Polish Ambassador was sent to Ferdinand the second Empe­rour of Germany, and as the use and Custome of that Nation generally is to speake Latine, delivered his busi­ness at a private conference in that language, the Emperour likewise an­swered him in the same, but broke Pris­cians Head a little. That the Ambassa­dor caught at and noted to him: the Emperour smiling replyed, that he had forgot he was speaking with a pae­dagogue, while he supposed him an Ambassador.

Another.

AT Constantinople betwixt the Ambassadors of the Emperour and the French King a quarrell arose for precedency in the Church whereat that time the Frank Christians being all of the same profession had one common Church; the Grand Seignior hearing of it, commanded a naked Scimiter to be hung at the door of the said Church, and by his declaration signi­fied, he would not be tyed by the custome of other Princes but whoever spilt blood should answer for it to him.

Another.

AN Embassy was once sent by the States of Holland to King James intrusted to three persons, one who [Page 80]had been a souldier his forehead was shot slanting away, another an Advo­cate so troubled with the Gout that he could scarce stand, another dull heavy fellow. Marry quoth the King here's an Embassy indeed, that hath nei­ther Head Feet nor Heart.

Sir Jerome Bowes.

SIR Jerome Bowes was sent Am­bassadour to Evan Vasilowich the Tyranicall Emperour of Russia from Queen Elizabeth; it fortuned at his Arrival at Musco he found an Ambassa­dour there likewise from the French King, who had audience appointed him the same day before Sir Jerome. The French according to the Europian Custome in delivering his Errand put his hat on, the Tyrant without fur­ther adoe, caused his hat to be lightly nailed to his Head, and with no other answer dismist him, soon after comes sir Jerome and useth the same custome: [Page 81]saith the Emperour knowest thou not what I have caused to be done to the French Embassadour for the same pre­sumption: yea replyed he, but know you likewise, what ever you think of him or his Master, dare but to touch me, I serve a Mistress who shall avenge it a hundred fold upon you as sure as your Cap is made of Furr. The Ty­rant taken with this resolute Answer stept to him from his Throne and took him in his Arms saying to his great Officers about him; you Dogs which of you would do so much for me, and at his departure presented him with a Jewell, and this commendation in his answer and letters to the Queen, thy slave Jerome Bowes hast done thee good and faithfull service.

Another.

A Spanish Embassadour or Envoy came to the Turkish Court, and being scard, and wounded in the face [Page 82]was slightly lookt on by the Divan, and askt tauntingly by one of them whether his Master had no person of Honour without such blemishes to send to their great Lord. To which he replyed, enough such my Master hath, but because I wear this wound before not behind am I on purpose sent hither, as a testimony of the victory we got of you at Lepanto, where you were scar'd and cowardly fled, and so esca­ped from being scard.

A young Maide.

A young handsome Maide belonging to my Lord Stanhop, was in Cherry time sent by her Lady then in the Country to gather her some Cher­ries of such a Tree in the Orchard. A servant of my Lords who infinitly de­fired the wench, after she had by a lad­der got up the Tree to the top bran­ches, came sneaking under her think­ing to see her pudenda: the modest [Page 83]Maide espying him clapt her coats close about her, and bid him go off, urging him with the unhandsomeness of the Action: but the fellow still persisting in his libidinous speculation she opened her Coats and discharged such a shore of thick and thin upon his face, that the fellow was almost blind, and fell a rubbing his eyes, so that he could not find the way to the House while the wench came down and sent him a guide.

A Spanish Captain.

ROderigo de Veles a Spanish Cap­tain who had served Philip the second in Flanders against the Hollan­ders with good fame and repute, gro­wing old and not able to undergo the diligence and extremity of that ser­vice retired home to Spain having ob­tained his Conge from the Acrchduke Albertus with letters of acknowledge­ment. With these upon his coming to [Page 84] Madrid neer the Town, he unexpected and incognito meets the King, who being a hunting thereabouts had lost his way and his Company. He comes neer and seeing him in the habit of a Gentleman enquires who he was, he replyes a Captain, demanded his name tells it; the King further urgeth on what occasions he was travelling that way, he tells him that having faith­fully served Don Philip for so many yeares in the Low Countries, he came now in his old Age to seeke for a Pen­sion, whereon to live the rest of his life. Quoth the King doth his Majesty owe you any arreares? No said the Captain, why then suppose the King will not grant you a Pension as he may refuse, why then quoth Roderigo let the King kisse my Mules taile; well, said the King I belong to the affaires of Flanders, come to morrow morning when the Counsell of War sets, and I will get you admittance, sending your name in by the doorkeeper. Ac­cordingly next morning he came and upon naming himselfe as the King had [Page 85]before given order, was forthwith brought into the Counsell, where he presently found it was the King whom he had met before, Now quoth the King, Seignior Captain, what do you say if the King will not allow you a Pension. Why Sir said he if he will not, my Mule is ready at the Court Gate. The King highly taken with the bluntnesse of the Man gave him in hand a good summe of Money and a yearly maintanance of 60. Pound per annum.

Margaret Countess of Richmond.

THis Lady was Mother to Henry the 7. descended from John Beau­fort Duke of Somerset, a right noble and pious Lady, witnesse her founda­tions in Cambridge peculiarly that gift of Margaret professor in that universi­ty: she was so addicted to the practice of Religion and a woman of so humble and meeke a spirit, that she would of­ten [Page 86]say that if the Princes of Christen­dame would joine in one league against the Turkes for the recovery of the Holy Land, she would willingly accompany them and be their Laun­dresse.

An Astrologer.

ONE by the Stars had foretold that Henry the 7. should that year dye. This came to the Kings eare. The fellow is Complemented to the Court and brought before the King who gave him good words and deman­ded, if from the Stars any thing could be told and if he had any skill in Prognostication; he answered yea; then pray tell me said the King where do you think you shall be those Holy days (Christmas then approaching) here he stuck, and being urged he said he could not tell, therefore said the King I am skillfuller in this art then your selfe, for I know you shall be in the Tower, and [Page 87]presently commanded Him to be sent thither.

Of an unadvised Statesman.

IN the Corn-Market at Paris is a Grate or opening of the common shore of that City, where a privy Councellor commanded himselfe to be buried as an expiation of some evil Councel he had given. The matter this. The French King was heavy and pensive for want of money. To supply him, he advised him for two yeares to lay a Gabell or Impost of two far­things upon some trifles out of the Country for two yeares only, which rose to a great sum. When this exi­gence was over the King continued the same Taxe, nay more by this ex­ample were laid upon the people. He seeing that he could not remedy this evil, not having the same power in disswading as he had in counselling, took snuffe and dyed, and for a Monu­ment [Page 88]to all such Councellors, expresly provided in his will that he should be buried in this Sink neer the place where the Toll is paid. His Sepulchre and the imposition do yet continue.

Henry the Eight.

A Nobleman had killed a certain Person, for which fact some Lords of his allyance interceded with the King, and procured his pardon; it happened soon after the same Noble­man slew another man, and again the same Lords came to interpose, and to prevent other then their own infor­mation, did it as soon almost as the murder was committed. Please your Majesty (saith one of them) my Lord of N. hath killed a Man, but we hope— Hold there said the King, 'tis not my Lord hath kill'd the Man, but 'tis the King hath done it in not suffering the Law to passe upon my Lord for the former murther.

Cardinal VVoolsey.

IT is known how inordinately and ambitiously this Prelate being then Lord Chancellor affected the Papacy, King Henry knowing the mind of the Man, resolved to put a trick upon him; he comes therefore on a sudden and tells him he had received an ex­presse by his Ambassadour that it was questionlesse that Pope Paul was dead but yet kept privately by the Cardi­nals in Rome, for fear of his Majesties prevalence in the next Election. I wish (quoth Woolsey) some Person were chosen to that Dignity who was well affected to your Majesties ser­vice. 'Twere well said the King, what if I procured you to be elected, would your Majesty could said the Cardinal; I but (replyed the King) money is wanting; quoth the Cardinal I have three Tun of Gold by me; Give me that speedily said the King, I will add [Page 90]the rest of my own, which being done Newes came that Pope Paul was alive and live likely.

A Memorable thing.

A Scot at Cassels in Hussia in the year 1610, but of a mean stature, though of wonderfull agility and strength of body, lying flat on his back, having nothing but his shirt on, sustained a stone of twelve pounds weight on his belly, while three Smiths with great Iron Sledges broke it all in­to peeces, without any harm at all done him: And also at Constantinople another such Person at the Circumci­sion of the Grand Seignior, held an An­vile at Armes end of 200. weight, while two lusty Smiths forged out a Horse-shooe; which done he tossed the Anvil aloft, and received it again which his armes expanded. He would break a steel Bow or Horshooe with [Page 91]his hands without any instrument or help whatsoever.

The Cardinal of Lorrain.

TO gratify this Cardinal for his great paines in suppressing the Hugenots in the raign of King Francis, a messenger was sent him from the Pope with the picture of the Virgin Mary holding her Son in her hands, drawn by the famous pencill of Mi­chael Angelo. This, the Messenger fal­ling sick by the way delivers to a Gen­tleman of Luca to deliver it withall trust and speed. He having received some disgust from the Cardinal pro­cures a peice to be drawn in Paris, of the same bignesse wherein to the life were painted the Cardinal, the Queens neece, the Queen regent, and the Dutchesse of Guise all naked, their Armes about one anothers Necks, and other lascivious postures; with these the Lucese comes to the Cardinal and [Page 92]with his letters which imparted the kind of the present delivers it. The Cardinal gladly accepts it: and for the Honour and more gracefull solemnity of this favour invites the Cardinal of Bourbon, Tournoys and Guise, the Dukes of Guise, & Montpensier to be present af­ter a sumptuous dinner at the opening of it: where to the confusion and de­served shame of the Cardinal this ob­scene peice (hinting at his debauche­ry) was produced.

Emperour Maximilian.

THis Prince was very curious and inquisitively critick in his Genea­logy and descent, a Court Parasite to gratify the humor, told him that with some industry and with his command laid on him, he doubted not to derive him lineally (mentioning every Gene­ration by Name) from Noahs Arke. This was listned to, and much time was indulged to this vanity while the [Page 93]sycophant had pretty well feathered himselfe by this device, in some time, some progresse (or rather re­trogresse as going backward from the top to the root) being made therein, while most men wondred and si­lently taxed this vanity but none durst crosse or reprove it, the Em­perours Cooke who served also as his Jester and with whose facetious quib­bles he was much delighted, took him up one day in this manner. Sir it is neither Honourable nor profitable for you to enquire so much after the ori­ginals of your family. For now saith he, I as other your subjects do reve­rence your Majesty and worship it as another deity, but if your Dignity be once brought to Noahs Arke, we shall all be kinsemen, for from thence we all Come, then farewell all your Imperiall Glory.

King Charles the first.

IT is very certainly reported, that after King Charles the first had signed the Bill for the trienniall Par­liament, and another, whereby he de­clared he would not dissolve that pre­sent, so terribly known by the name of Long, without the consent of both Houses themselves, the Earle of Dor­set last deceased coming the next mor­ning into the King Bedchamber as his Majesty was dressing himselfe, saluted him with the Complement of good morrow Fellow Subject.

Generall Monke.

ADmirable and stupendious were those Actions of this renowned General towards the restitution of his Majesty and the settlement of these [Page 95]Kingdomes after such a horrid night of Confusions. Great was his vigi­lance, greater his prudence, but greatest his reservednesse, without all which, having to do with those that had Argus's eyes, and the old Serpents insinuations both of disco­very and temptation, it was impossi­ble to humane expectation He could ever have overcome such insuperable difficulties. It was his great saying and maxime, that if He thought his shirt knew his thoughts and intentions, he would pull it off and burn it. That ho­nest privacy is now turned to publick glory. But I remember this passage also from the German Histories to have been usuall with George the valiant and illustrious Duke of Saxony.

Philip Landgrave of Hesse.

HEnry Duke of Brunswick and this Landgrave were at variance and feud; it happened during the quarrel [Page 96]before any rupture, three Noblemen subjects of the Duke being drinking hard in the Landgraves Dominions, fell a threatning what they would do to the Landgrave if they had him there, one would pull him a peeces with his nayles, the second would run him through, another would give him to be torne by his Dogs: Amidst these menaces, the Inne-keepers Son who was a Naturall, having over-heard what they said, steps into their Room, and sitting down begins his story too. I have perceived (saith he) what you could finde in your heart to do against our good Landgrave, and I confesse they are exquisite cruelties, but if you will listen to me, who, if you know me not, have some understanding too, wee'l punish the Landgrave, and kill him in this manner, I will stop his mouth & his nostrils with both hands, so that no breath shall come in or out, and you with your tongues thrust up his fundament shall shut up and ob­struct that passage also, that no Ayre break out, which being done you will [Page 97]have no need to use your nayles as you intended unlesse it be to scratch your tongues clean. This spoken from one whom they knew to be a fool, so dasht them, that they sneaked away and departed.

A Fryer confessour.

CErtain Maides came to be absolved and confesse their sins which they did with a very low voyce, it was a very sterne Preist, and he more offen­ded by this low speaking which might be imputable only to their modesty, taxed them after this manner. You mumble now and speak through your teeth, not opening your mouth that scarce a third word is audible; but when you are alone with your young men at your Wakes and Ale, you will be sure your legs and taile too shall be stretcht wide enough.

A Matron.

A Grave Matron much esteemed for her modesty and civility, reckoned one of the prime of the wo­men of the Town, as she came into Church through the snow, some of it stuck to her shoos and gave her such a slip upon the free stones that up flew her heels and her Coats: being terri­fied with the suddenness of it, like the Thatcher falling from the Barn, she rapt out two or three bawdy words such as were presumed were usuall to her, (her tongue and her Coats disclosing her shame at once) and so rose and made all confused hast from her ill intended devotions.

A Lyar.

ONE affirmed that he had been in a certain Country, where their Bees were as big as oursheep. This impudent lye one began to examine, & therefore said, sure then the Bee-hives must be of a huge bignesse; No saith the other they are no bigger then ours; how then can they get in said the one. This bogled the lyar like a Mouse in pitch, at last, he answered, let them whom it concerns look to that.

Benjamin Johnson.

ONE was friendly telling Benjamin Johnson of his great and excessive drinking continually. Heres a grei­vous clutter and talk quoth Benjamin concerning my drinking, but heres not a word of that thirst which so miserably torments me day and night.

Lewis 12th of France.

THis Prince had suffered many hardships, under went many dan­gers contracted many enmities when a subject and Duke of Orleans; having been forced to quit his Country. At last by succession the Crown devolved to him, which he prudently wore for many years being reputed one of the wisest of the French Kings. Being thus seated in the Throne some Courtiers minded him now to revenge the inju­ries he had formerly received, no re­plyed the brave Prince, the injuries that were done to the Duke of Orleans ought not to be revenged by the King of France.

A Cavalier.

A Cavalier travailing out of the Country upon the Kings returne, [Page 101]a foot, having a heavy leagure Cloak on his back was so weary with the Suns vehement heat burning through it, that he knew not what to do, at last within five miles of London he see a­mong the herd of People that were travailing the same way, a prickeard fellow with a staffe in his hand and no Coat nor Cloak; freind quoth he I am a poor Cavalier pray do me the fa­vour to lend me a Crown upon my Cloak till to morrow morning, and tell me where your lodging is and I will when I have been with my freinds come and pay you with thanks. The fellow accepts the bargain, gives him the Crown, and carries the Cloak, but as soon as he came to the Towns end the Gentleman returnes his Crown, takes his Cloak and with thankes for his pains departed.

The foolish or litle Parliament.

OLiver after the dissolution of the long Parliament in 1653. sum­moned [Page 102]by an order of the Councill of Officers a little convention of a 100. and odd schismaticks, who should as­sume the Government from him, which he knew they would so rack and torture, that it would be thought good nature in him to take it in that afflicted condition to himselfe. Accor­dingly after they had sat some four months, and playd their prankes, as before hand was supposed, he sent Collonel White (since some of them would not agree to the resignation of their power, as their speaker and o­thers) to turn them out. White comes with a guard of Foot, and demands the reason why they stay'd there since their fellow Members had given up their trust to the Generall, they an­swered they stay'd and would stay there a seeking the Lord. Push saith White that's to no purpose, the Lord has not been here any time these 12. yeares and so turned them out.

Peter House in Cambridge.

ONe Mistress Mary Dale of Bristoll for some reasons was a very af­fectionate benefactour to Peter-House in Cambridge, she founded two fel­lowships and two Scollarships there, and proffered more if on her termes it it might be accepted. For she would have setled Lands on that house to the value of 500. Pounds per annum, on condition it should be called the Col­ledge of Peter and Mary. This, Doctor Soams then Master of the House refu­sed, affirming that S^t Peter who so long had lived single, was now too old to have a Feminine Partner.

Count Maurice of Nassau and Spinola.

THis Spanish Generall being invi­ted to an entertainment by the [Page 104]aforsaid Prince at Breda soon after the publication of the twelve years truce, when Lemons and Oranges were brought in for sauce at the first course, what a brave Country quoth Spinola is my Masters affording this fair fruit all the year long. But when Cream was brought up to close the feast Grave Maurice returned, what a brave Country is ours that yeeldeth this fruit twice every day.

A Coward.

THere was a Souldier that vaunted before his Commander, of the hurts and wounds he had received in his face: His Captain well knowing of him to be but a Coward told him, you were best take heed next time you run a­way how you look back.

Goldsmith Hall.

A Gentleman that had been ruined with his composition at Goldsmith-Hall being met by a Country man of his acquaintance, was asked by him how he lived in those times? replyed the other no way dismayed with his fortune, I live like a Prince, I do not know quoth the other what you mean by that, why saith the other I eate and drinke and owe much money.

Count Gundomar.

HIS Embassy hither was much maligned by the meaner sort, being about the Spanish Match of which without the restitution of the Palatinate they were not desirous; hereupon there was an order made by Proclamation that men should for­bear [Page 106]to meddle with matters of State and confine their discourses to their private Concerns: it happened that Gundomar coming up Ludgate hill in a Sedan, one of the Porters casually fell and overturned the Sedan into the kinnel, where the Count shut up called out for help. No quoth a stander by let him lye there, ther's a Proclamati­on we must not meddle with State matters.

Sir Thomas Moor.

HAD only Daughters at the first one of whom at the last was of a very remarkable piety towards him, and his wife did ever pray for a boy. At last she obtained her wish, the boy coming to mans estate proved but simple, Sir Thomas thereupon said to his wife thou prayest so long for a boy that he will be a boy as long as he lives.

Another.

SIR Thomas Moor on the day he was beheaded had a Barber sent to him because his Beard and hear of his head was grown very long, which was thought at Court would tender him the greater object of pity to the people. The Barber accordingly came and asked him whether he would be pleased to be trim'd. In good faith honest fellow said Sir Thomas, the King and I have a Suit for my head, and till the Title be cleared I will be at no cost a­bout it.

Again.

THE same Sir Thomas when Lord Chancellor of England had sent him by a suiter in Chancery two silver Flagons. When they were presented [Page 108]by the Gentlemans servant, he said to one of his Men have him to the Celler, and let him have of my best Wine and turning to the servant said Tell thy Master if he like it let him not spare it.

Courtiers.

IT is an old Adage that Princes Privados and Favourites of Kings were like casting Counters, which are used in the Exchequer as in play to count by. That sometimes they stand for one, sometimes for ten, sometimes for a hundred.

K. Hen. 8.

IT is reported of Henry the eight that disguising himselfe in a mean habit he associated himselfe among some good fellowes, in purpose to know what the people thought and [Page 109]said of him. One of the company spoke something freely of him, giving him a character which the King knew was not much out of the way. Whome the King as a wary Concellour advi­sed not to make discourses of Princes. For if he should prayse them he should lye: and if he dispraysed them he brought himselfe into danger.

Lord Chancellor Hatton.

IN his time when the Councellours of two Parties set forth the Limits and Boundaries of the Land in questi­on by the Plat; And the Councell of one part said we lye on this side my Lord, and the Councell of the other part said and we lye on this side: The Lord Chancellor arose and said. If you lye on both sides whom will you have me to beleive?

Lord Chief Justice Richardson.

A Dilatory suit had been some time depending in the Kings Bench be­fore him, which the Plaintiffe could not bring to tryall, at last he obtain­ed a peremptory day, the Desendant moved again, & for some reasons shew­ed desired a longer day; 'Twas in Tri­nity Terme, quoth Judge Richardson, you shall have the longest the Court can grant, take the 11th of June, Saint Barnabies day.

Philip the Second.

WHen Philip the second conque­red Portugall, he gave speci­all charge to his Leiutenant that the Souldiers should not spoile, lest there­by the hearts of the people should be alienated: it came by this meanes to [Page 111]passe that the Army suffered much want of victuall. Whereupon the Spa­nish Souldiers thereafter used to say. That they had won the King a king­dome on Earth as the Kingdome of Heaven useth to be won, by fasting and abstaining from that which is another Mans.

A Courtier in Debt.

THere was a Courtier that dyed greatly in debt, when the re­port of his death came to some com­pany (where divers of his Creditors usually met) that he was dead, one began to say, Well if he be gone then he hath carried 500 l. of mine with him into the other World, and another said 200 l. of mine, and a third spake of great sums of his. Whereupon one that was amongst them said, I per­ceive now that though a man cannot carry any of his own with him into [Page 112]the other World, yet he may carry away that which is another mans.

Another.

A Gentleman who had a debt due from a Lord lately returned into England by Bond, came to him and ac­quainted his Lordship with it, who referred him to his Steward or Sollici­ter; at his Addresse to him he looks upon the Bond, and seeing it to be of an old standing, ever since 40. quoth he sir I have nothing to say to this, this is an old debt, replyed the other in a little heat, hath your Lord contracted any new ones? I thought there had been no more mad Men in England to have trusted them.

In the Land of Hispaniola.

UPon the landing of the English Army upon that place, Procla­mation was made that no man should plunder or take any Plate, Bullion or Jewels upon pain of death: the thirst and heat of travell did not more af­flict and diminish their strength then the Proclamation abated their cou­rage, so that one merrier then the rest after their defeat, said, the General had done well to have prohibited their stripping the naked Molattos of their Breeches and Doublets also when they should fall into their hands.

Parliament Coyne.

A Country honest fellow upon the first coming out of that money, taking it in his hand and turning it [Page 114]backward and forward when he had read the circumscription of it, said, Here are crosses enough I trow me, but how long they shall last I know not, for I see here the Common­wealth of England, and God with Ʋs are not of one side.

Lord Treasurer.

WHen my Lord came first to be Lord Treasurer he complained to the Lord Chancellor Bacon of the troublesomnesse of the place for that the Exchequer was so empty: The Lord Chancellor answe­red, my Lord be of good cheer, for now you shall see the Bottom of your businesse at the first.

A Present.

WHen peace was renewed with the French in England, divers of the great Counsellors were pre­sented from the French with Jewels, The Earle of Northampton being then a Privy Counsellor was omitted, whereupon the King said to him, my Lord how happens it that you have not a Jewell as the rest, my Lord an­swered according to the Fable in Ae­sop, non sum Gallus ideoque non reperi Gemmam.

Lord Bacon.

WHen Sir Francis Bacon was made the Kings Attorney, Sir Edward Coke was put from being Lord Chiefe Justice of the common Pleas to that of the Kings Bench, [Page 116]which was observed before as a place above it in dignity, below it in profit. My Lord Coke meeting with Sir Fran­cis, Master Atturney, (saith he) this change is all your doing, it is you that have made this stir. My Lord, replyed he, your Lordship hath all this while grown in bredth, you must needs now grow in height, or else you would be a Monster.

Judge Popham.

MAster Sarjeant Popham, after­wards Lord Chiefe Justice Popham, (who said he would make the Road so safe that a man might travell with a white Wand in his hand, and performed his word) when he was chosen Speaker of the House of Com­mons, who had sate long & done nothing in effect, coming one day to Queen E­lizabeth, she said unto him; Now Ma­ster Speaker what hath passed in the [Page 117]House of Commons, He answered, if it please your Majesty seven weekes.

Pace.

PAce the bitter and tart fool was not suffered to come at Queen Elisabeth because of his bitter humor; yet at one time some perswaded the Queen to admit him, undertaking for him that he should keep within com­passe: so he was brought to her, and the Queen said come on Pace, now we shall hear of all our faults; quoth Pace, I do not use to talke of that which all the Town talkes of.

Bishop Latimer.

BIshop Latimer said in a sermon at Court, that he heard great speech that the King was poor, and many wayes were propounded to make him rich. For his part he had [Page 118]thought of one way which was that they should help the King to some good Office, for all his Officers were very rich.

Mendoza.

MEndoza that was viceroy of Pe­ru was wont to say that the Government of Peru was the best place the King of Spain gave, save that it was too near Madrid.

A Country man.

A Certain Countryman being at an Assizes and seeing the Prisoners holding up their hands at the Barr re­lated to some of his acquaintance, that the Judges were good for tune tellers, For if they did but look upon a mans hand they could tell whether he should live or dye.

A Pursivant.

THere was a Pursivant had lodged a Gentleman in a very ill Room who expostulated with him somewhat rudely; But the Pursivant carelessely replyed, you will take pleasure in it when you are out of it.

Admiralty.

Mr. Giles Merrick a landed Man in the Bermudas was saying that his great Grandfather, grandfather, and Father, died at Sea: said another that heard him, And I were as you I would never come at Sea, why quoth the other, where did your great Grand­father, and grandfather, and Father dye, he answered, where but in their beds? he returned, and I were as you I would never come in bed again.

Sir Francis Bacon.

WHile Sir Nicholas Bacon the Lord Keeper lived, every room in Gorhambury was served with a Pipe of water from the ponds distant about a mile from thence, soon after during the habitation of Master An­thony Bacon the eldest Son of Sir Ni­cholas, in the same House, the water ceased. Master Anthony dying, and my Lord Verulam inheriting it, the water could not be recovered without great charge. Being made Lord Chancellor he thereupon built Verulam House close by the pond yard for a place of recesse and privacy when he was to do any important business, being one time asked why he built that House there he answered, that since he could not carry the water to his House, he would carry his House to the water.

Another.

A Lady walking with Mr Bacon in in Grayes Inne walkes asked him whose, that peice of ground lying next under the walls was, he answered theirs. Then she asked him if those feilds beyond the walkes were theirs too, he answered, yes Madam those are ours as you are ours to look on and no more.

Sir Francis Bacon.

WHen Sir Francis Bacon was newly advanced to the great seal Count Gondamor came to visit him, and to complement him on the Ho­nor confer'd on him my Lord reply'd, That he was to thank God and the King for that Dignity, but yet so he might be rid of the burden he could [Page 122]very willingly forbear the Honour, and that he formerly had a desire and the same continued with him still to lead a private life, Count Gondomar replyed, I will tell your Lordship a Tale of an old Rat that would needs leave the world and therewith acquain­ted the young Rats that he would retire into his Hole and spend his dayes solita­rily, and would enjoy no more comfort, commanding them upon his high displea­sure not to offer to come in unto him. In obedience to this command they forbare 2. or 3. dayes, at last one that was more hardy then the rest incited some of his fellowes to go in with him and he would venture to see how his Father did, for he might be dead, They accordingly went in, and found the old Rat sitting in the midst of a rich Parmezan Cheese; my Lord laughed, but his necessityes after that em­ployment agreed not with the Fable.

Lord Henry Howard.

IN the time of Queen Elizabeth when the distressed Estates of Holland supplicated the Queen for assistance, there came one Agent from them cal­led Caroon, and when he had often moved the Queen for further suc­cours and more Men, my Lord Henry Howard jested upon him thus, That he agreed well the name of Charon Ferry man of Hell, for he came still for more men to encrease Regnum Ʋmbrarum.

Sir Fulke Grevil Lord Brook.

SIr Fulke Grevil being then a Member of the House of Commons, when that House in a great business & large debate stood much upon Precedents said unto them, why do you stand so much upon Precedents? The times hereafter [Page 124]will be good or bad; if good, prece­dents will do no harm, if bad, power will make a way where it findes none.

Affected Gravity.

MAny men especially such as affect Gravity have a manner after other mens speech to shake their head, A principall officer of this Land used to say, it was as men shake a bottle to see if there were any wit in their Heads or no.

Arch-Bishop of Canterbury,

IN discourse of the Puritans and non conformists of the times, who pre­tended to a greater measure of piety and sanctity, this Arch-Bishop reply­ed, That some hypocrites and seeming mortyfied men which held down their [Page 125]Heads were like the little Images in the Vaults or Roofs of Churches which look and bow down as if they held up the Church when as they bear no weight at all.

A Tilting.

IN Queen Elizabeths time when Tilt and Tourney and running at the ring was much in Fashion, there came a Gentleman all in Orange tawney and ran very ill, the next day he came a­gain all in Green and ran worse, there was one of the lookers on asked ano­ther what is the reason that this Gen­tleman changeth his colours, the o­ther answered I thinke because it may be reported that the Gentleman in the Green ran worse then the Gentleman in the Orange Tawney.

Sultan Selymus.

SƲltan Selymus was the first of the Ottoman Emperours that did shave his beard as Busbequius reports, whereas his Predecessors wore it long: one of his Bashawes therefore asked him the question, why he altered the custome of his progenitors, he reply­ed because you Bashawes shall not lead meby the beard as you did them.

Consalvo the great Captain.

AFter a great fight there came to the Camp of Consalvo the great Captain, a Gentleman, proudly horsed and armed, another Spanish Captain asked Consalvo who that Gentleman was, who answered, It is Saint Ermin who never appeares but after the storm.

Sir Henry Wotton.

UPon consideration of those many panegyricks and laudatory speeches, letters and exhortations to great men, he once said, that though the manner of Painters be to mend the picture by the life, yet with generous minded men it should be inverted, viz. to mend the life by the picture, to become such as those encomiums expresse a man to be.

Businesse.

IT was usuall saying of my Lord Ba­con, that it was in businesse as it is frequently in wayes, that the next and neerest way is commonly the fou­lest, and that if a man will go the fai­rest way he must go somewhat about.

Robert Earle of Leicester.

THis Earle was the greatest Hypo­crite and subtle enemy in Eng­land, much voyced up by the non con­formists, for his patronage of them, whereby he drew that faction clearly to his side, he was alwayes very dis­trustfull and jealous, and sad examples there were of his treachery, and it was his usuall saying that we read that we ought to forgive our enemies, but we do not read that we ought to for­give our friends.

Earle of Essex.

IT was usually said of Robert Earle of Essex the Father of the last de­ceased and who was altogether as mi­litary and popular (and I remember an observation made that when the Son departed from London to Barnet [Page 129]and so onward against the King, it was bruited, that with the same Pomp his father began his expedition the same road to Ireland and soon after lost his Head which fate was suspected to at­tend his Son, though a potion its thought did the same effect) that he was the the greatest usurer in England for that he had turned all his Estate (ha­ving wasted a great part thereof in his se­verall voyages and expeditions by caressing the the souldiers) into obli­gations.

Caesar Borgia.

THe supposed Nephew but son of Pope Alexander the sixth one of the worst of that see, yet so great a Be­nefactor to the family of this present Pope, that he hath assumed his name by the name of Alexander the seventh: after long division betwixt him and the Estates of Romania, came to an a­greement with them: in the Treaty [Page 130]there was an article that he should not call them at any time altogether in person. Their intention was that knowing his treacherous and cruel na­ture if he meant them any danger or treason he might not have the oppor­tunity or advantage to oppresse them altogether at once. Notwithstanding he brought it so about by his finesses and artifices that he won upon their confidence to assemble together at Cinigalia where he murthered them all. The newes hereof was related to the Pope as a thing perfidious but happy, who upon hearing of it said, It was they that had broke their Covenant first in coming altogether.

A Court Maxim.

IT is fathered on the Emperour Tra­jan, who used in speaking of the jea­lousy of Princes, that seek to make away those that aspire to the succcessi­on, that there was never King that [Page 131]did put to death his successor; this was very rife in the businesse of Mary Queen of Scots beheaded by Queen Elizabeth.

Sir Nicholas Bacon.

THis Knight was Sir William Cecils second in the service of the State being Father also to my Lord Verulam and Lord Chancellour in the raign of Queen Elizabeth; upon bills exhibited in that Court to discover where Lands lay, upon proofe that they had a certain quantity of Land but could not set it forth, was wont to say, and if you cannot finde your Land in the Country, how will you have me find it in the Chancery.

Conbury Park.

THe Earle of Leicester Favorrite to Queen Elizabeth was making a large chace about Cornbury Parke, in­tending to enclose it with posts and Rayles, and one day was casting up his charge what it would come to, a Gen­tleman standing by that was a free spo­ken man, said to my Lord upon the sudden, methinkes your Lordship goeth not the cheapest way to worke, why Sir said my Lord, Introth my Lord said he count you but upon the posts for the Coun­try will find you Rayling.

Knights.

MY Lord of Essex when he com­manded at the Seige of Rhoan an Army of English in ayd of Henry the 4. of France against the league, [Page 133]made 24. Knights (after a battel a­gainst the Duke de Main) which at that time was a great number, divers of those Gentlemen were of weake and small means which when Queen Eliza­beth heard, she said my Lord might have done well to have built his Almes house before he made his Knights.

French Massacre.

AFter the Massacre of the French Protestants, in Paris, on S^t. Bartho­lomews day an overture was made of a new agreement, to that purpose the Deputies of the reformed Religion met there to treat of a Pacification, af­ter some debate they agreed on arti­cles, nothing remaining but the secu­rity for the performance of them, to this the Queen mother returned by way of question, whether they would not accept the Kings security, no by St BARTHOLOMEW Madam answe­red the Deputies.

Treasure.

A Spanish Ambassadour coming to Venice, was there Complemen­ted by the State and as a particular Honour to himselfe and his Master had St. Markes Treasure, reckoned then to be the greatest magazine of wealth in Europe, shewed him, At the ope­ning of the same he pointed towards the great Chests and asked some of the senators, whether those Iron-coffers had any bottome, they answered yea, this is nothing then saith he to my Masters wealth, that hath a perpetuall spring in his Mines.

Retinue.

A Nobleman, who kept a very large retinue, was acquainted by his Steward, that great part of that ex­pence [Page 135]was very burdensome and use­lesse, for that his Lordship needed not so many servants, wherupon he order­ed his Steward to bring him a list and Catalogue of all his servants, and to mark their names w^ch the frugall stew­ard did putting out by his note above halfe his retainers. When this scroll was presented the Nobleman asked what he marked so many out for, be­cause Sir saith he they are of no use to you; why then saith the Lord if the o­ther must stay because I have need of them, these shall stay because they have need of me.

Henry the fourth.

HEnry the fourth of France after he had marryed Mary de Medicis was for a little while childlesse, upon newes of the Queens conception, the Count of Soissons, who was heir appa­rent to the Crown, gave out, that it was with a pillow: these words came [Page 136]to the Kings ear, who, the Queen gro­wing very big, tooke the said Count to her lodgings and laid his hand upon her Apron, what think you now Co­sen quoth the King of this pillow, marry said the Count I think it to be a Pillow for all France to rest its head upon.

Proud Prelate.

A Proud Prelate of England in imi­tation of his great example the Pope, would admit no suitors in any other posture but prostration: a man reputed for his wisedome petitioning of him was forced to comply with the custome, being taxed by some for this servile flattery as unbecoming men to no greater a person then a Bishop, he answered, that it was none of his fault, but the Prelat's who carried his eares in his Feet.

Lord Wentworth.

AFter my Lord Wentworth An­cestor to the Earle of Cleveland had lost Calice, through want of a sufficient Garrison being forced on a sudden by the Duke of Guise to a sur­render, who had failed of another great enterprise on Naples the Queen never dawed day but with the complaints of (Quintili redde legiones) render me Calice, quite spent her selfe; the Lord Chamberlain delivering her one night the Key she sighed and said, this is not the key of Calice: which was alwayes held for the Key of France.

Earle of Dorset.

ONE Captain Beale served my Lord with hats, which he pri­zed at high and excessive rates, my [Page 138]Lord understanding by his Steward the rate of his bills sent for his Haber­dasher, Sir quoth my Lord, what is your meaning to set me such prizes in which there is no conscience, why my Lord quoth Captain Beale, we citizens must ballance accounts, if you do not pay me then you cheat me, but if you do then I cheat your Lordship.

The grand Seignour.

DON John of Austria was Generall at the fight of Lepanto against the Turkes, where he gave them a signall overthrow, this being related to the Grand Seigniour, who had late­ly taken the whole Kingdome of Cyp­rus from the Venetians he contentedly said, that the losse of a Fleet to him was but as the shaving of his beard which would grow again, but the losse of a Kingdom was like the lopping off a member.

Philip the second of Spain.

HE was of so rare a temper that after his invincible Armado was defeated upon the English Coasts, and dispersed with winds driven about the Coast of Ireland back again; upon the newes thereof he only said that he sent not out that Fleet to fight against the Windes: Another time having writ expresses to Flanders when they were fairly copyed he gave them to his se­cretary to throw sand upon them, who mistaking the box throw'd Ink in stead of it and wholly defaced them, he said no more but went into his Cham­ber and transcribed them.

Colonel Massey.

IT is commonly reported that at the seige of Gloucester, before the Citizens burnt down the suburbs, af­ter [Page]the King had summoned it, Prince Rupert sent word to the Governour that if he yeilded not presently he would forthwith fire him out, to which Collonel Massey returned, let the Prince do so and I will meet and fight with him in the Flame.

Lady Lambert.

MUch talke there was of some familiarity betwixt Oliver Cromwell and my Lady Lambert, upon the device of the Instrument of Govern­ment, which was cheifly assisted by Lambert upon mutuall assurances that he should succeed in the protectorship when that project took effect in De­cember 1653, it was said by a wag that Olivers Instrument was found in my La­dy Lamberts Placket.

Olivers Commissioners of the Treasury.

THere was a great complaint of money (as occasion enough) in the publique receits as they called them: in that Parliament which was called in 1656, great stir was made for a supply, among the rest an Act was propounded for the better regulation of the Exchequer, which some finger­ers of that money (as most of them were such) would have only to look forward to the future management of it, saith Thurloe the Secretary, Gentle­men, if a man hath lost his purse whe­ther should he look backward or for­ward; my Lord hath lost his Purse

Harry Marten.

THis Antimonarchical Person being condemned for the execrable murther of King Charles, was after sentence (he coming in upon the Kings Proclamation) brought before the House of Lords to shew cause why he should not suffer due execution of his judgement, to which he returned answer, that true it was he could not nor did expect any favour from that House, whose extirpation he had en­deavorured and as to the King, he ac­knowledged he never had observed any of his or his predecessors Proclamations save one, and for that he should be hanged.

Lord Bruce.

SIR Edward Sackvile afterwards Lord Dorset was challenged by this Lord to fight with him in the low Countreys upon some fend betwixt them, in the duel they were both grievously wounded, yet would not give over: at last it was my Lord Dor­sets fortune to throw him upon a close and having him at this advantage prof­fered him his life, no quoth the Scotch Lord I scorne to accept it at the hands of an English man, and I then scorne saith Dorset to give it to a Scotch man.

Monsiure Bellieure.

WHen the King was in the hands of the Scotch at Newcastle and bargained and sold by them to the English, this Monsiure being the [Page 144] French Kings Ambassadour came thi­ther, and seeing the sale agreed upon departed, at his going away Lashley sent a Guard of horse to bring him into the English Quarters, where be­ing arrived he called for the Corporall of the squadron, and having a halfe Crown in his hand demanded of him what that peice was, thirty pence Sir said he, even for so much the Jewes be­trayed our Saviour take, this among you.