SCENE I.

TO England, Sir, and so suddenly?

Yes, Son; you must take charge of a Box of Writings, which I am to send over, they are of very great concern, and I will not entrust a stranger with them.

But is it necessary, Sir, that I should go to day?

Yes; here's an English Ship going for London; you'll have good accommodation: Besides, your Mother writes me word, that she'll come over with all speed; you, being there, may wait on her hither. Your Brother, and his new Wife, intend to come with her.

Is it certain then, Sir, that my Brother is marry'd to Clara?

Second Letters confirm it. My Wife and I had long ago determin'd to give the two Daughters she had by her former Husband Mr. Manly, to you, and your Brother; and, when you were but little ones, you were contracted to one another; Clara to Antonine your twin-brother, and Isabella to you: but she, poor Girl, was lost, with her Nurse, from Deptford upon Thames; whether they were both drown'd, or were Trepan'd to some foreign Plantation, is uncertain. Now fifteen years we have griev'd their loss, without know­ing the manner of it. But, go in, Son, and make prepara­tions [Page 2] for your voyage; you must go aboard within two hours.

And leave my Rosabella!

Go, get your self in readiness: in the mean time, I'll go in, and finish my Letters.

What, Sir, before you are got to Sea?

I am shipwrackt on shoar: My Love! my Rosabella! I must for England.

Your Father will have you go, and you must com­ply, how e're unwilling.

And leave a Woman, that loves me, expos'd to the sordid humour of a covetous old Unkle, that has been so base to Traffique for her; that has sold her for 600. Crowns? Shame that he should be related to so much Innocence, and have no more Humanity!

Antonio! Son Antonio!

Your Father calls; away: I'll set my self to work, for your content.

Taking care of my Love, you preserve my Life.

Away, away.

Fy, fy; Tanta pressa, tantum croudum, ut fui-penè [...]usus ad mortem: I am almost squeez'd to death in this Croud, I'll have an Action of Intrusion against 'em all. Oh, how I sweat! O, hot, hot: Meltavi meum pingue, I have melted my grease. Fy, fy; where are my Clerks? Dulman! Dulman!

Here, Master, here. Vous avez Dulman.

Meltor, Dulman, meltor: rubba me cum Towallio, rubba. [Page 3] Rub me with a Towel, Dulman; I am melted to death. Where is Pecus?

Here, Sir.

Fac ventum, Pecus; Fan me, fan me. So, so: where is Fledwit?

He is Non Inventus, not to be found.

Put your Cloaks upon me, now, for fear I take cold. So, so, Ansi bene faict. Amongst all my troubles and afflicti­ons, it rejoyceth me that I have made a good agreement at the Law amongst our English here at Burdeaux. Well, to morrow, Hoysabimus vela, we will hoyse Sails for England: it is high time; we came hither Octabis Hillarii, and it is now almost Quindena Paschae.

I swear to you, Master, titillasti punctum legis, you tickled away the point of Law to day, to some Tune.

He, he:—I think I did tickle it; Si le nom del granteur ou grant soit raze, ou interline, ou faict Pol, le faict est grande­ment suspitious.

And then again, Non obstant si faict Pol.

But that above all, Dan faict pendu en le smoak: ne­ver did any man better handle a point of Law.

Quota est clocka, what's a clock?

Between Eight and Nine.

Go therefore to my Lodging with your Bags and your Rolls. What is that? Let me see that In­strument.— O ho, ho; now I know it.

This Indenture made betwixt Roger Rat­tledock, of Caxton in the County of Brecknock. O ho!— Richard Fen and John Den: O ho! Proud Buzzard Plain­tiff, against Peagoose Defendant. O ho!— Look you, here is one Letter faulty; mend it; for, in Law one Title mis­plac'd, spoils a Title. Now go your ways; do you take this; do you ingross that: and then truss up the Portman­tue, ready for our Journey. And, do you hear? at one cor­ner, put up the Crag-end of the Neck of Mutton, that was left last night at Supper.

The Broth and all, Sir?

You are Anglicè a Coxcomb: spoil all my Writings! [Page 4] Dulman, have an eye over him: cape bonam curam, see things be done as they should be.

Ego warrantizabo; I warrant you, Sir.

Heigho! — my Rosabella! I am not going now to the Cour's of Westminster, but to the Court of Venus, held at Torcol's; Cupid her Sheriff would never let me alone, till he found me in her Bailywick: At the first time, when I lov'd Rosabella but a little, he sent me a little Capias, and then a great Capias, and afterwards other Capias's, and more Capiasses, and innumerable Capias's; till at last, Capuit me utlegatum, being bereav'd of all my Sense and Reason, so that I am now just as a Flie without a head, Buzzo & torno, I Buz up and down, and turn here and turn there, but I know not what I do my self. When I am drawing up an Instrument, if a Woman be nam'd, I write Rosabella; for Corpus cum causa, I write Corpus cum cauda; for Noverint universi, Amaverint universi; for habere ad rectum, habere ad Lectum; and so spoil the whole Instrument.

O Signior Ignoramus, Bazo las manus, Signior, what service will you command me?

I'll give you a Supersedeas for these complements. I believe this Congying and Cringing so, was the reason why your Neck's awry; you shall have a Breve de recto for it.

O, Signior, am I your Sport? A Dios.

What, are you angry? Stay. I only singebam jocum, did but jest; and you take it bono serio, in good earnest. But now I come to the point: You know, Signior Torcol, that according to Contract, I am to pay you 600 Crowns, and you are to deliver to me your Ward Rosabella, for my Wife; and this is Dies appunctatus, the day of appointment and payment.

She is ready, at your Service.

And so is my Money at yours. Therefore I now let you understand, that some time to day. I will call on you for [Page 5] her; if possibly I can, I will come my self; if any Demurrer be, I will send one of my Clerks for her, who shall bring you the summe agreed on; and that is Totum unum, one and the same thing.

'Tis so; but I know none of your Clerks.

Nor none of them know you; but he shall bring you the 600 Crowns, and I will tell him, that he may the better know you, that (with your pardon) you have a wry neck. But are you afraid of any thing?

I am in a continual fear of Antonio, her former Lover, and the cunning Trico; who are continually plotting to take her from me. Let us therefore agree on some private token.

Six hundred Crowns is token enough; yet, if my Clerk Dulman come to you from me, he shall bring you a bent Spanish piece of Gold among the Money.

Content; but be sure you tell no man of it.

To counsel a Counsellor, or advise a Lawyer, is to light a Candle at Noon-day: But let me have a sight of her, be­fore I go.

She is coming forth to her Devotions: I'll go in, and hasten her out.

Ouy dea, ouy dea. To morrow I will return to Lon­don with her. He says, she's a Seal'd Virgin; but, for ought I know, the Seal may have been crack'd: But what is a Maiden-head? It is, as the Law says,—in Nubibus— 'Tis Rid­dle me re— 'tis something, and nothing; 'tis neither felt, heard, nor understod. Well, but be she what she will, I long till I have the opening of her Cause, that we may joyn issue; for I am beastialiter inamoratus, beastly enamor'd of her. He will presently bring unto me Corpus cum cauda, cum causa I would say: O that I had one Habeas corpus now, the Hictius doctius of the Common Law, to bring her here in a trice!

Why do you weep? will you be stubborn, and ruin your own Fortune and mine? is he not rich, and can main­tain [Page 6] you well? will he not marry you, and carry you into England; where Women, if they like not their Husbands, have liberty and continual opportunities to carve for them­selves? Give o're this stubbornness, or —

Hear me, Sir.

No; I'll hear nothing; either be well content to marry him, or I will carry you back to Foz, from whence I brought you; where I will either Sell or Prostitute you.

I must dissemble my Love. Dispose of me as you please; I submit.

Sir, here she is; this is her Governante, whom I have plac'd as a Spy over her; who, tho' she has been deaf these three months, yet she is faithful, and understands by signs, very exactly.

I understand you; that I shou'd have a diligent eye over her, and suffer her not to go far abroad.

'Tis right.

That I permit not any young man to speak to her; nor any, but this Gentleman.

Very well.

And, as soon as she has been at her Devotions, that we presently return home.

Good!

'Tis very strange.

Signior, I have business calls me abroad: I'll leave you together. Remember the Sign, and the Money.

'Tis here, upon Record.

My Rosabella— Hem, hem, hem— Madam, and you my Masters of the Jury, this is an Action on the Case: — Fy, fy, my tongue repeats my old accustom'd words; I think I am pleading with her now.

A man of strange behaviour.

Madam, pardon me, I was ne'r in Love before; but to come to the point. Madam, suppose you were my Client, and I were to examine your Cause, or your Case, 'tis all one in Law, I may do't —Causa patet— I have you by consent [Page 7] of Parties; but shall I find your Case to be as your Unkle Torcol has declar'd it? Quaere.

What says he, Charge?

If all men spoke such Gibberish, 'twere a happiness to be deaf, as she is.

With submission, Madam Rosabella, the Rosa Solis of my heart, Love has made me a Legitimate Poet, and my Muse hath drawn a Declarati­on of my heart, with which I

here present you. Ay, ay, peruse it, 'tis Billa vera.

What a strange Character is here?

I am a stranger to the language.

Excellent!

Here, keep 'em in thy bosom.— Dost thou love me?

Who can choose! —

Say'st thou so? I will make thee a good Jointure:

O, 'tis too much.

Stay, Dum capio Anhelitum, till I take breath, and I will give thee ten times as much.

I don't know how to deserve all this.

Thou shalt only give me for't thy thatch'd Cottage, with free Ingress, Egress, and Regress.

That I cou'd but hear how finely he makes love!

I don't know what you mean; but all I have is at your Service.

Well, though I don't now make my Entry, I'll take Livery and Seisin of thee in this kiss.

Away—away.

I'll have a Quare impedit for you, Surda. Adieu my dear Rosabella, till by and by.— Hoc mihi facit bonum apud Cor; it does me good at heart.— But, for all this, I'll be crafty enough for Torcol; for when I come to Eng­land, I will marry a rich Wife, and keep this only in Com­mendo for a Transi-tempus, and so Traverse all my proceedings here. Good, I shall find Precedents enough for't there.

I perceive you love him.

I love Death better.

You do well; he looks like one that will make a good Husband.

Which none can do for me, but Antonio; and he, I heard, is this day to set sail for London; how persidious wou'd he prove, if he shou'd forsake me now! He has given me his Faith; if he leaves me, I am undone.

My hope is all in thee, Trico.

Sir, I'll warrant you; this day, with deceit I will o'recome Deceit it self.— But, Sir, wipe your eyes, and behold the Heav'nly Apparition.

My dear Rosabella! how happy were I now in the sight of her, if that old she-Dragon were away!

Sir, fear not: an old Bitch may bark, but has no teeth to bite.

But her barking may give her Master notice.

I'll put a Sop in her old Chops: I'll pretend to love her; in the interim, do you hold conference with your Mi­stress; but let your outward gestures and behaviour express much Discontent and Anger; that so, believing you to be fallen out, she may permit you to talk more freely.

I understand.

Save you, Madam Mouldy-chaps.

Touch me not; what do you mean? keep off your rude hands.

Heigho! So angry Lady!

You hurt my hand: stand away.— O, I see she's angry with Antonio: I like it well.

Heigho!

How he looks on me, and sighs, and makes Signs, as if he were in Love! points to his heart! 'Tis so. He shows me a Ring too; as much as to say, he will marry me! No, no, not I. Heav'n forgive me, for speaking against my Con­science.

Heigho! O lips of Leather! Nose of Purple hue; Eyes, like snuffs in Candle Sockets!

I guess at his meaning; he is praising my beauty.

Heigho! — O gruntling Sow! hopper-ars'd Witch! Old, and hairy! Dry, and ugly! fit only for an Incubus to get a generation of Devils on. Heigho! heigho!

Ay, ay, men will flatter. 'Tis a pretty fellow; I feel my flesh inclinable to him. But yonder's Antonio, high in discourse with my Charge, of whom I am bid to be­ware.

She eyes us; counterfeit to be angry.

O, well done; you are displeas'd with him; chide him, chide him, do.

Have you no remorse, to leave me in all my troubles, to be ruin'd by your absence? Be gone faithless man.

That's well again: I see she cares not for his Com­pany.

Heigho! Heigho! Heigho!

Alas, alas! how his breast heaves! and how short he fetches his breath!— He kisses my hand too.

O tawny wisen'd skin, and Spider-fingers!

How warm his lips are! Good law, how my flesh trembles! I am falling in Love, just like a Wasp into a Hony-pot— O my heart!

She sighs like a Sow that has lost her first Litter.

How he squeezes me by the hand! his eyes gleg, and his mouth waters! — O ho-ho-not so hard.

Pardon me; my Father compells me to be gone: I call Faith to witness, I go unwillingly from you.

Had you satisfi'd my Unkles avarice with six hun­dred Crowns, I should not have been miserable.

I cou'd by no means procure the Sum.

How he shakes his head! and what signs of sorrow he shows for hurting me! No, no, I am not angry with you— Goodness, goodness, how fond of me he is!

O, my Rosabella, believe me, 'tis death to me to lose you: and, how to leave you mine, what shall I do?

I know not; but this I am certain of, that I am lost, without a quick relief; for my Unkle Torcol has sold me to Ignoramus, who has promis'd this day, either to bring, or [Page 11] send the Money, by one to whom I am to be deliver'd by a private token.

What's that I hear?

Good law, how he starts! he'll go out of's wits for Love.

Madam Rosabella, mind me, tho' I don't seem to speak to you: do you know what that Token is?

What says he now? — Ay, ay, my Chuck, I have a grumbling towards you.

I know not the Token; but this day he will either come, or send for me.

At what hour? — Heigho!

He forgets I can't hear.— Ay, ay, I have. Don't sigh so.

I don't know the punctual hour.

No matter; Heigho;— I will so bring matters about, that your Lover sha'n't go to sea to day; Heigho!— nor you fall into the clutches of Ignoramus.—Heigho!—

Heigho! Sir, steal your Mistress off, while I hold Her in discourse here.

And how then?

And then,—Heigho! go and be marry'd.

To see the luck on't! well, Love is but Fancy.

She'll cry out.

Heigho! I'll muzzle her; I'll strangle her but I'll spoil her bauling; mind the minute.—

O, he makes Signs to kiss at

parting. Ay, ay, do for once.

Now.

Oh! —so, so, so—not so hard: Eumh, eumh— not so hard.

How! what's here to do? Murder, thieves, thieves.

I am undone.

Come back there, huswife: keep off, Antonio.

Unlucky surprise!

O excellent Governess! you are at your lecherous tricks; you must be kissing a young fellow, while another is running away with my Neece! Get you in a doors—go— get you in—go—

Don't push me so, and misuse me, I may be marry'd e're long, if I will: here's a Ring towards it, 'tis so nigh the matter; and then get who you will to look to my Charge.

Go, get you in, I'll give you your reward.

O the cunning of Trico! But, Mr. Engineer, I shall lock up my Neece, and spoil your designs, and turn the old one out of doors to you; and let's see how many Rings you'll give her then; and e'en go and be mar­ry'd or hang'd together. I'll play you trick for trick. Adieu, Sir.

Go, and the Devil stretch thee, till thy neck stands right upon thy shoulders.

O, Trico!

Come, courage, and leave the event to Fortune and my Brain.

I must be gone: my Father by this time expects me.

Do so; we must be wary: your Father must not see us talking together; he is suspicious of me already. And here he comes. I'll steal off.

I have been taking leave of my Master Antonio; I came to wish him a good Voyage: Heaven prosper him, and send him a safe return, that he may live to be a comfort to you. You have been an Indulgent Father, and bestow'd a great deal of pains and cost in his Education: Heaven bless [Page 13] him, and send him grace to

make the right use on't.

You are very pious.

I am not usually so in troth, Master.

You brush the dust from my cloaths, but cannot wipe off the suspicion which covers my mind: you have been tampering with my Son for no good.

Who I, Master? I wish him well with all my Soul.

Well, go you to my Countrey-house, employ your self all this day in dressing up my Vineyard; but return in the Evening, and bring my Tenant with you.

Yes, Sir.

Let us go now to the Ship, Antonio. Here, these Let­ters give to your Mother; these to your Brother Antonine, and his Wife Clara, with my Love to 'em all.

Yes, Sir.

Come, Son, I'll see you on Ship-board; there's a Sai­lor without, stayes for us: let's go.

O, Trico, I go to my Death!

Sce. I.

STay a little, while I look round about— Here is no body: Advance. What say you now, Sir, am not I Trico the Great?

Trico the most wonderful!

When your Father and you took Boat, to go to the Ship, I was not far behind you; and, when you put off, I threw my self into the next Boat, and follow'd you at a di­stance, and lay a loof off, till I saw him return to Land: then, with Sails and Oars, made up to your Ship, hal'd the Captain, [Page 14] and told him, that your Mother and her Family were new­ly arriv'd; and therefore your Father had sent me to bring you a shore again.

An arch contrivance.

Now is your Father saying to his Neighbours, My Boy Antonio is sailing for England; and, thinks he, my Ser­vant Trico is labouring in my Vineyard.

But, now I am come back, is there any hopes that Rosabella shall be mine?

I hope Trico can do that too. Did you not see me speak to a man as we came along?

Yes; to a Pamphlet-carryer, that cries books about.

Yes, that Hawker, that Pamphleteer, wou'd you think it? he's as great a Knave as my self.

But Torcol is the greatest Knave of you all.

To one great Knave, must be set two little Knaves, such as I and Cupes are; that's the Rogue's Name: Give him but a little money before-hand, and he'll do wonders.

Here are ten pieces, which my Father gave me, for my Journey: I have no more.

'Tis enough. With these, I will suborn Cupes; and after discover the whole design to you. I must now address my self to the English Broker, that lives here in this Town, to furnish us with Cloaths, for our undertaking. Do you, in the mean time, conceal your self, at a Friends house hard by: as soon as I can, I will attend you, and warrant a good ef­fect.

Say you so?

No more, but away.

In thee, Trico, are all my hopes.

Books, Books; who buyes my Books? new Books, witty new Books: Come, here's News from the Sessions-house; here's Poor Robbins Intelligence. Books, Books; who buyes my Books?

You, Books, Books!

I'll come to you presently. Come, who buyes my Books? New Books. Come, here's The Poor Whores Repen­tance that is turn'd honest for want of Trading; Here's The Vndone Bawd's Complaint against Fathers and Mothers: Here's The Chambermaids Huy and Cry after her lost Maiden­head. Books, Books, who buyes my new Books? Here is A Cure for Cuckolds; Patience, or a Halter: Probatum est. Here is, The Art of Secresie for Gallants who are lov'd by Citizens Wives. Here is The Vsurer that light a Candle to look for his Conscience, but cou'd not find it. Books, new Books. The Devil's in't, I can't sell one Book to day: I ha'n't yet taken one Soulze, to drink my Morning's draught.

Burn your Books; 'tis a beggarly Profession: follow me, and thou shalt eat and drink of the best.

Shall we breakfast?

Upon Partridge and Pheasant.

Quickly then, I must personate, you say, one Torcol?

Yes; but with a wry neck.

As thus.— How do you like it?

Admirably well!

After, I am to counterfeit the servant of Ignoramus, the English Lawyer?

There, I am afraid, you'l be to seek.

No, don't doubt me for any trick, shape, or device: I have been almost of all Professions. I was a strowling Play­er in France; Pimp and Bravo to a Courtezan, at Venice; a counterfeit Creeple, at Naples; servant to a Mountebank, at Florence; a Mul [...]teer, at Rome; a Vintner's Accountant, at Tholouse. In Holland, I carry'd about an Ape, in the habit of a Cardinal. Then I went to England, where I was first a Sow-gelder in the Countrey; afterwards, I was an under-Butler, or Wash-pot in the Inns of Court, among the Law­yers: For some misdemeanours I fled the Countrey, went to Geneva, where I got to be Vestry-man; not liking the Pro­fession, I came running away with the Church-Bibles, the Childrens Psalters, Testaments and Catechises, which I sold to the Hugonots here. With the gain hereof and my Wives Por­tion, I set up this beggarly Profession of Pamphleteer.

Well, I find you are rarely qualifi'd for our Design: Sow-gelder has been your Profession?

And for an English Clerk, with cut-finger'd Gloves, cropt hair, and a Sheeps face, match me again in Europe.

But, if Ignoramus comes himself, be sure to remem­ber the Horn.

I warrant you. Not one of 'em knows me.

And, thus disguis'd, you will be the more unknown. But you must teach your Wife likewise to personate Rosa­bella; she is quick-witted, and will be apt to follow your in­structions.

But I am afraid I sha'n't be able to perswade her to't; there's not such another Vixen Quean in Town.

I know her to be a Fury.

She is all the Furies in one.

If I had three such Wives, I'de give the Devil two of 'em to fetch away the third.

I have given him mine a thousand times, with all my heart, and he's afraid to fetch her away.

But I'll give her and you that which shall overcome you both: Look you, here is eight Pieces of Gold.

Give it me, and I will tempt my Dame: Woman is still for the Golden morsel.

There; be careful of our business: I will go, and provide Properties for you and your wife.

Farewell. I will now call forth my Wife, and purge away her Choler with a Golden Pill. I know she will come maunding after her old manner. Polla; why Wife, Polla: Where are you, Polla?

Polla, Polla! what a whooping and hollowing is here with you? I believe you are drunk.

Wou'd I were, Polla.

Do you so, swilling-tub? I wonder when you will wish me so? You'd have all the water come to your own Mill, and be hang'd.

Be pacifi'd: I wish thou wert drunk, with all my heart, dear wife.

Dear Devil: have you got any Money?

Not a Cros [...].

I wou'd the Devil had all the Pamphlets, and Books, and the Writers of 'em too, and you into the bargain, that run about with 'em.

Clear up, my dear: what wilt thou drink?

Away.

Look out, and bless the day.

Dear Husband! what is that?

Gold, gold, my Girl; Elixir Solis.

Dear Husband, I ha'n't kiss'd thee to day.

Fall down and worship me.

I was angry but in jeast: come, how much must I have, Cupes?

You shall have half, if you will doe me one cour­tesie.

What's that?

Canst thou in another habit, personate another. Wo­man?

Very easily.

And make a surrender of thy Body to a Stranger?

Out, you Cuckold, you Wittal: I cou'd find in my heart to tear thy eyes out.

Be pacifi'd.

No, Sirrah, if I make you a Cuckold, it shall be for my own pleasure, and not for yours: make your self a Cuc­kold▪ faugh.

I mean not in any such way: wrong thy chastity! no, no.

Well, give me the Gold, let it be what it will; yet be it at your own peril.

There are two pieces for you; when the business is done, I will give you two more.

But look, in my absence, you bring none of your Wenches into my house, after your old manner.

No, no: I have Woman's flesh enough of thee. Now, Polla, let's go in, where I will give thee full instructi­on.

I like your design.

The Broker will be here presently.

But what pawn shall we give him for the Cloaths we are to have?

You say well.

I have given you all my Money already.

Have you no Rings nor Jewels?

None at all.

Well, I have one then; put it on your finger; you shall have the credit on't.

'Tis a fine large Stone: is it thy own?

'Tis mine, at your Service: He's here: pretend to value it at a great rate. Save you, Sir.

Youth, show the Cloaths thou hast brought.

Quickly; for I am in great haste.

Yea, and so am I likewise.

Master, this is a very good Sute to travel in.

Yea, thou sayst true; it is a good Sute.

Cupes shall wear these, and these; Polla, these; and the rest, as we find occasion.

Well, the price?

Only for one Day's wearing.

I will be at a word with you, verily.

Do so, Friend.

Verily, thou shalt give me forty shillings.

That is too dear, Country-man.

Nay, verily.

Verily, it is well.

I value them at forty Pistols.

I have not so much money to leave in your hand.

Verily then thou may'st give me a sufficient Mort­gage.

I have nothing but a Ring here, of fourscore pound value.

Verily, were it worth four hundred, it shou'd be forth­coming.

But how shall I be sure to have my Ring again?

I have a Shop, verily.

He hath, verily.

You won't trust a Gentleman; why shou'd a Gentle­man trust you?

Verily, thou art free: give me my goods agen.

The man is honest; you may trust him.

Well, upon your word, I will.

Verily, how it shineth! how it sparkleth, truly!

It sparkleth truly.

Now I have done, verily 'tis meet for me to go my way.

Let your Boy carry these things to the Sign of the Anchor yonder.

Yea.

Verily thou wilt hang thy self; the Ring is as coun­terfeit as thy zeal.

How?

Yea, verily, 'tis counterfeit. So, thus far our busi­ness succeeds well.

But now, if Ignoramus shou'd come himself to fetch Rosabella?

That's taken care for: Cupes has his Lesson.

And if my Father shou'd meet me by accident in the streets?

I am prepar'd for that too. Be but a little wary at present to keep out of his sight. O, yonder comes Pecus, Ignoramus his puny Clerk: I have made some acquaintance with him, since he has been at Burdeaux; peradventure I may sift something out of him, as heretofore I have done. Go you in, and attire your self. Tell Polla, she must prink [Page 20] her self up handsomly: and bid Cupes be ready with his Horn.

Make haste to me; for without you, I am as a blind man without a guide.

Friend Pecus how do you? You look very thought­full; what's the matter?

My brain has this two hours been in Labour, and is just now deliver'd of a Riddle; let's hear you solve it.

Proceed.

What creature is that which liveth by right and by wrong; which hath a great Heart, and no Heart; which is both an Ambidexter and a Bifront; which speaketh-much, and speaketh nothing; which is Jeast in Earnest, and Earnest in Jeast; which speaketh English, Dutch, French and Latin; yet speaketh nor English, nor Dutch, nor French, nor Latin; which writeth Laws that they may be Misprisions, and which writeth Misprisions that they may be Laws; which maketh a Finite, Infinite; Truth, no truth; and no Truth, Truth?

The Devil?—No. Who speaks an unknown tongue? a Quack? No. Who makes Truth, no Truth? It must be a Geneva Preacher, when he goes about to expound a Text.

In that point you are right; but the Animal that Quadrates with all, is my Master Ignoramus.

I apprehend you; very exact indeed. What a Blockhead was I! But how does he? when is he for Eng­land?

Very suddenly; wou'd I cou'd get him there once.

Why, what's the matter?

Why, the Lady I told you he was fallen in love with, is to be his Wife; but instead of receiving a Portion with her, he is to give 600 Crowns for her. His Love for the Lady, and his grief to part with his Money, make such a combat in his brain, that I think he is scarce Compos men­tis.

'Tis an usual thing; Young men have Wives for Love, the Old for Money.

But a pox of this giving Money for a Wife; it makes him so testy! And then the bustle he is in to put things in order for her reception, makes him so humorsome, the Devil can't please him fast enough. He makes one do, and undo; bids go, calls one back, then bids go again.

Is he so inconstant?

He knows not what he does; he puts his Cap on hi [...] Feet, and his Shooes on his head.

O ridiculous! and does he continue so?

He has been this two hours counting out 600 Crowns, which he is to pay down for her; but is in such a Huddle, that he counts 'em o'r and o'r, and can never count 'em twice together to be the same Sum.

Too much haste hinders business.

But he is now reconcil'd to the Sum: I see him coming forth, to go fetch the Lady. I am sent of an errand, and must be gone, e're he sees me.

Adieu. Ho, Cupes, Cupes, be ready with your Horn, your Horn.

There's for your bawling, whoe're you are: here's a calling and a bawling, with a pox to you!

M^rs Polla, you are a little to blame at this time.

I cry you mercy, Ingenious Mr. Trico: I thought it had been some drunken companion of my Husbands.

Pox on you, get you in quickly out of the way, and bid your Husband come forth, if his Horns are not too big for his doors.

Here is the Legem pone.

'Tis so; he has brought the Money.

If I live, Rosabella,—Dansabo veteres mensuras, I'll Dance the old Measures with thee.

What makes 'em stay so long? I must detain him.

I am coming for thee, Propria persona; I my self, in proper person.

Save you, Sir.

Sirrah, who are you? Ha!

A poor man, Sir, that hath spent all his Estate in Law.

Oh, oh, In forma pauperis; abi via, abi via; away, go.

Sir, I crave your Counsel.

My counsel, Knave? Legem pone, legem pone.

I am very poor, Sir.

Then your Cause is bad.

I must give Cerberus a Sop: I'll fling away some Brass Money on him, which has long lain stinking in my Pocket. Here, and please your Worship.

Many a good Cause is starv'd, for want of Money.

Now please to hear my Cause.

Well, have you joyn'd issue?

Issue? What shall I say now?—Yes, Sir,—Issue, issue!

Declare.

My Grandfather Grunnio, the Son of Bore, had an Unkle call'd Hog.

Quondam Unkle.

You say right, Sir, Quondam Unkle. But the Quon­dam Unkle of the Sister of my Quondam Grandmother, who was Cousin-German to the Grandmother of my Quondam Father.

Well said Quondam: Allons.

Did bequeath unto me a black Horse; the truth is, he had but a short come off; why shou'd I dissemble? he had no tail; but what then? shou'd any man put a Nettle un­der it?

In Tail special: In good earnest, by right, he cou'd not do't.

He did, ne'r the less: but he did wince, and kick, and fling, till at last he ran quite away.

Take heed of that.

And he kill'd the Deer and Pheasants.

Oh, Damage Faisant: here must be a Demur.

Let me see in my Almanack;—Oh, it hail'd that Day.

A good circumstance, and makes for you.

Slow-man of Burdeaux;—What, not yet! Sir, and he not only put a Nettle under his tail, but he repleated all his mouth with Pepper.

Repleated! a Replevit will not serve in this Case.

O Snails! we are undone. What do you think of it, Sir?

What do I think of it? Was not that black Cheval your Chattel personal?

Chattel! yes, Chattel indeed.

You say well; there is the point indeed: for this is your Case; if John-an-Oaks infeoffat John-a-Stiles de Black-Acre and White Acre, in this Case Tout is void: all, all.

I think they are asleep.—But the Pepper being snuff'd into his Nose, did make him stand an end of his legs before, and break wind backwards.

Snuffing and Leaping, and Fizling is a good Tenure; doubt it not.

But I am still afraid.

What need you fear? but take out a Sub-poena for him, and if he does not return black Cheval cum costis & pinguebus Damagis, with Costs and fat Damages, say that Ignoramus non habet Lex.

I thank you, Sir.

Farewell, for I am in haste.

But, Sir, if you are Ignoramus, I have some good Counsel, to requite your love for that you gave me.

Yes, I am.

Then make all haste you can, Sir, into your house. Fly, be gone, haste, Sir, haste.

Wherefore?

You love Rosabella, that lives here hard by?

What then?

One Antonio also is deeply in love with her; and in my hearing, did Swear most seriously, out of Revenge, to dismember you.

I'll swear the Peace against him.

He has sworn first.

'Twill bear an Action.

But they'l be in action upon you first, exsect your Virilities, and leave you an Eunuch.

He dares not commit a Trespass on my Body.

But he will, Sir. To my knowledge, he has hir'd a Sow-gelder to disable you; he is a dissolute cutter, and will certainly do't, for Money; he delights in Villany; I have known him do't for a Frolick.

I am in a strange place, and begin to fear.

Under pretence of Cat-gelding, he walks up and down to find you.

Look yonder! Fabula est in Lupus.

Oh, they are come at last.

That we cou'd but meet with that old Whoremaster Ignoramus!

I'de leave him two Stone lighter than I found him.

Do you hear?

Client, Tremblo, tremblo, I tremble all over.

Trin, Tran—

What shall I do?

Hide your self behind me, lest they discover you; quickly, quickly, and as close as you can.

Trin-Tran— Now, if we cou'd find him, here are the Instruments shou'd do the feat.

Friend, did you see the English Lawyer herea­bouts?

Say, I am gone for England.

He's gone for England.

I hear, he was seen this morning.

Say, I am at home,

He's safe at home.

He sha'n't escape us.

Client, go side-long, side-long, good Client.

Close, close.

Ha! who's this? by his trembling and stealing away, this shou'd be he.

That's only a Friend of his, who hearing your de­sign, is much concern'd.

A Friend of his!—Trin, Tran— I'll Caponize him; my hand is almost out, for want of practice: I'll begin with him. Does he creep behind?

Show me your Testatum est Latitare.

You shall have but little to show, e're we have done with you. Let's have him in.

Come into the Court.

I command you in the King's Name, to keep the Peace.

I beseech you, Gentlemen; he is my Patron.

We care not.

Look upon the Almanack first: the Sign is in Scor­pio.

'Tis dangerous.

Take heed; if I die within a year and a day,—

Your words move not.

What, will you judge me, Non audita Querela?

No, no; you shall be judg'd by your Peers. Come.

I beseech you, Gentlemen, I beseech you: pray hear me.

If we let him go, he'll give his Friend warning, and prevent our design.

Client, Balliato me, Bayl me, good Client.

I engage for him to the contrary.

Look you to't.

So; I'll get home, and send Dulman for Rosabella.

Is he gone?

Titillabo vos, I'll tickle you for this. Monstrabo vos Tricum de lege, I'll bring you about with a Cer­tiorari.

Does he threaten? Follow him, follow him. Ha, ha, he.

Ha, ha, he.

Ha, ha, he. You are brave watchers!

We were ready at hand; we heard all your discourse, and were ready to burst with laughter.

He's in such a fear now, that he'll not go himself for Rosabella, but send one of his Clerks: therefore, Cupes, go, and get your selves ready; you for Torcol, and Polla for Rosabella.

I am gone.

Now, Sir, I'll go with you to a Painter.

What shall we do there?

He shall paint a little mole on your cheek; by the way, I'll acquaint you with the rest of the fallacy. Come, Sir, expedition is a main point of Policy.

SCE. I.

I Have given Instructions to Mr. Antonio, the Painter is now painting the Mole on his cheek.

Who is he yonder, that comes musing along?

The very man we expect. I have seen him, tho' he knows not me.

I'll step aside.

I see here no body; but I am in a bodily fear, for there are many infani Pilei, Mad-caps, as they call 'em, here in Burdeaux.

Cupes, listen to your Q.

My Master swore they wou'd have gelded him.

He sees me not.

My Master therefore gave me a Letter of Attorney to take Seisin of a certain Virgin call'd Rosabella: I long to see what kind of Creature she is. The house, accord­ing to his directions, must be hereabouts.—Hoa, Friend; pray do you know which is the Messuage of one Signior— Signior—

Signior who, Sir?

Signior— Pescods on't, it begins with a T. Of one Signior T—T—T— I have't here in black and white: Torcol, Torcol?

O ho, Signior Torcol, the Portugueze Merchant!

Ay, ay, Ditto; the very same.

Know him! ay, Sir, I am his Servant.

In bono tempo: what is your name?

Mendoza.

Mendoza! In bono tempo.

And who are you, if I may be so bold?

Dulman; Senior Clerk to Ignoramus.

Dulman, Clerk to Ignoramus! In bono tempo. Have you brought the Crowns?

Six hundred, truly.

In bono tempo. Do you know this hand?

Pimpillos purso, ad Ludos ibis & Vrso. Right; he made these Verses on Rosabella. I pray call your Master, to tender the delivery of her to me.

I'll tell him you are here.

A good civil fellow this; but I wou'd not for some­thing that he shou'd stay long: I seem for the present, to be in a Forest, and I do fear the Tax of Horngelt.

Los Diablos te gannan picaro: had you no more manners, Sirrah?

This must be he by his wry neck.

Not to bring him in to drink a glass of Wine? what, stand you still? where is Alonzo? where is Pedro? where is Guzman?

I know not, Sir,

Sirrah, why stir not you then? don't you know my mind, Sirrah?

Sir, I pray, Noli chafare propter me, chase not for me in any wise.

Have you brought, Sir, have you brought?

Ouy, ouy dea, here are 600 Crowns.

Take it, Mendoza, and count it.

Deliver now Rosabella to me for my Masters use.

I'll go fetch her. But stay; first tell me what is the private Token agreed on?

A bent Spanish-Pistol among the Money.

Is there so? look, Mendoza.

'Tis here, Sir.

Right. Your Name, Friend?

Dulman.

Take this for your pains, and be Dulman still. Go, bid Rosabella make haste; and, while she puts on her Scarf, bring me a bottle of Wine to drink here.

'Twas the last thing I did: 'tis needless indeed.

Bring't, I say.

Est valde curtesius homo; a very courteous Gentle­man.

Friend, desire your Master to love my Rosabella, for my sake; I brought her up as my own Child, and wish her as well. My heart grows heavy at her departure: but I think he is a worthy person, and will be tender of her.

Assuredly, she will receive all the Courtesie England can afford: my Master is some body there: he had made her a good Jointure, for I have ingross'd it.

She's coming, Sir.

Fill some Wine. Here, Friend, here's to thee, remem­bring thy Master.

Thank you, Sir.

So, fill another glass, and let him mend his Draught, while I go in, and hasten my Neece.

Come, Sir, my Service to you.

I thank you. A cup of special good Wine, this.

Since you like it, take the Bottle, and make one draught on't.

I ha'n't drunk the like time out of mind.

So, no harm in all this.

Be sure you shed tears enough.

Doubt not moisture in a Woman's eyes.

Is the Wine out? go, fetch t'other bottle.

Rosabella, my dear Neece, or rather Daughter, I here deliver thee to this Man, that he may conduct thee to thy Husband. I cannot forbear tears at parting; but do not thou afflict thy self, if thou lov'st me.

My Unkle, nay rather my Father, for so you have been to me, tho' I shall be marry'd to a good Husband, and tho' it be ne'r so much for my good, yet to leave you—

You do increase my tears.

O, Dulman, Dulman, who can refrain weeping?

Not I, in sadness; the sight has drawn the Sack into my eyes already.

You'll have a Mistress of a sweet disposition.

She seems a very tender-hearted Lady.

But come, away with sorrow; we have more reason to rejoyce than weep, to see thee well marry'd.

Ay, indeed, forsooth.

Why, let us be merry then.

You speak well, Sir.

Shall us laugh?

If you please.

Shall us drink?

If you please.

A brimmer?

If you please.

You'll pledge me?

Ego te faciam rationem.

What say you?

I'll do you reason.

Give him a Bumper.

To you again, Sir, Contra es dispositus, against you are dispos'd.

Come now, Neece, be chearful.

As I can, Sir, to part from you.

I'll see you every day, while you stay at Burdeaux. Friend, present my Service to your Master.

Your Servant, Sir.

Stay, take t'other glass e're you go.

So— Quam curtesit! how courteous they are!

Cousin, good buy.

Madam Rosabella, Good buy to you.

Good buy, Signior Dulman.

Vale, Domine. Alas, how she snobs! I can't yet see her face, for her handkerchief: I long to know how hand­some she is.

Farewell, Polla; farewell, wither'd Pippin.

Farewell, Dulman; farewell, drunken Clerk.

And heigh for our Town! Give us more Sack.

Bravely atchiev'd! let me kiss thee for't. More Sack, more Sack.

Now I think on't, no more at present: I'll go put on my other dress, and be transmogrifi'd to Dulman.

Remember his phrase: he was something peculiar in his way of speaking.

I liv'd amongst the herd, when I was an under-Butler in England: I'll be Dulman himself.

Nay, I believe Torcol don't know him.

If he knows one Clerk, I'll be another: Let me alone for a come-off.

I'll call forth Torcol, and pretend I come with very advantagious conditions: as you see occasion, intervene.

I'll be transform'd in a minute.

Now Luck send that Torcol be at home. Tic. Toc.

I am a Prophet; my mind gave me that Trico was here, and here I find him.

Signior, I have a great affection for Surda your Ser­vant.

You love Surda! no, no, I am awake.

Stay, Sir: I have business of importance with you.

O, you are upon your Tricks! but you cannot deceive me.

Pray hear me.

To what purpose?

'Twill be to your advantage.

To have nothing to do with you.

Stay but a minute.

Well.

After Mr. Antonio understood that M^rs Rosabella was to be marryed to Signior Ignoramus, being scarce Master of himself, he set his Wits to work for Money; at last, he found out a Friend, who will put into your hands Plate and Jewels, to the value of 300 Pistols, for Security, till he pays you 600 Crowns; and says, if you'll resign your Neece to him, he'll make it up seven.

A meer Invention.

Do you think I come to cozen you?

If you cou'd, I know you wou'd.

Accept the offer, and try me.

'Tis now too late; to be short, my Neece is marry'd to Ignoramus.

Ay, is it so? then the Devil take thee.

Thou art a fitter morsel for him.

Thou monstrous piece of crookedness!

Do, rail on. Stay, who have we here?

Friends, have a care of Names; Words will bear an Action.

But Signior Torcol, one word with you.

Torcol! Ay, Torcol est nomen ejus, that is his Name: It must be he by his wry-Neck.

How he surveys me! He has the habit of a Stranger, and I guess he belongs to Ignoramus.

Under favour, Sir, is your name Signior Torcol?

So I am call'd.

Then you are the person I am sent to: I come from one Mr. Ignoramus.

I am undone:—'s death!

Trico has found him out; he frets: come this way, pray.

Friend, a word with you.

His Business is with me.

Not with you, Sir; but with one of your Name: there is another Signior Torcol, a Friend of mine, I'll carry you to him.

'Tis with me, Friend; I am the man: you come with Money from Ignoramus?

Yes, with 600 Crowns, and—Quare noddas, & winkas super me?

Who I? I don't wink, nor nod at you.

And you have something to say to me concerning my Neece?

Yes; Mrs. Rosabella.— Cur joggas & kickas me iterum?

Ay, leave your jogging and kicking: all the dumb Rhetorick of your motions will nothing avail you, Trico.

Peuh! you are mistaken.

You shall see that presently. I'll dispatch the business; but what's the private token?

A bent piece of Spanish Gold.

What think you now? am I mistaken, Trico?

In what, I beseech you?

This man is no Servant to Ignoramus.

Good!

But one hir'd, by Mr. Antonio, to deceive you.

Good again!

And, if you don't take heed, he'll have M^rs Rosa­bella from you.

Excellent!

Yes, Sir, I hope I shall: that's my business.

I desire to be so couzen'd: he gives me the Money, tells me the private token. Ha, ha, he.

Now, Sir, You know what's to be done; I am com­manded to use Expedition: Here is the Money, but where is the Lady?

I'll go in, and count the Gold, and then you shall have what you come for.

Friend, follow me; I'll carry you to the true Lady: He'll deceive you, and put a Fob person on you.

I understand a fob Plea, I'de have you to know▪

Listen not to him, he's an Impostor.

I see, by his Physnomy, that he is Nebulo in grano, a knave in grain.

Who is deceiv'd now?

Why that are you; remember I tell you so.

I'll remember it. I am going now to Surda: will you command me any service to her?

Master, I can't find Dulman.

No? Facias Huum & crium post eum: Make Huy and Cry after him.

I think he's run away.

Cause him to be attach'd, Pecus.

It shall be done.

What a Misprision, what a deceit is this?

Come, my dear, why this strangeness? not kiss me, now I am come!

Avoid, Satan; be gone.

Indeed you are unkind.

Keep off, thou unclean Spirit.

This to me—

In the name of Goodness, what art thou?

I am Rosabella.

Rosa Diabla: You a Rose! a Canker. I be­hold your face, and see plainly that Non concordat cum re­cordo.

I am Rosabella.

You are a Sorceress, a Hag, I will Indict you for a Witch, Viz. That you, Spinster, (I shall learn your Name) not having the fear of God before your eyes, but seduc'd by the Instigation of the Devil, have practised the wicked arts of the Devil, Vocates Witchcraft and Sorcery, In, Upon, and Against the person of Ambidexter Ignoramus: ponam te super Patriam, si vivo; as I live, I'll put you upon your Countrey.

What says my dear?

My dear? Off with your hands. You ride in the Air super Broomas, on Broomstaves.

My dear I think is disturb'd in mind.

I am scarce Compos mentis; I think I am bewitch'd in earnest: but, thou weatherbeaten Hag, 'tis thou hast don't; but I'll draw blood on thee, and turn thee out of my doors.

Nay, then, let's try whose Nails are sharpest.

Keep the peace, keep the peace.

You fusty, musty, dusty, rusty, filthy, stinking old Lawyer.

O for a Supersedeas de non molestando!

Am I Rosabella now?

I'll to the Office, and have an Appeal for blows and maims.

A Peal! If you are for a Peal, I'll ring you a Peal about your ears.

O murder, murder; help, Pecus, help.

Are you, Sirrah, coming to lift your hand against your Mistress?

O mercy, mercy.

Now, you Fustilugs, who am I now?

Any body for a quiet life.

I am then Rosabella, and your Wife. Heigh! where are all my Servants here? bring me the keyes of the Closets, and Trunks; open all the Rooms; and call in a Scrivener, that I may take an Inventory of my Goods. Heigh! where are all these lazy Rogues, and idle Huswives? I'll ferret you out of your holes with a vengeance.

She is the Devil's Dam: she has a Legion in her. Sum valde brusatus, I am very much bruis'd; but, Pecus, you can witness she assaulted me, Vi & armis: I'll have an Action of Battery.

If an Action of Battery lye for scratching, I'll have one against her too; for she has made my face like an Almanack, fill'd it with red Letters: the Devil pair her nails for her.

Look out, Pecus, and see which way she's gone.

I see her just now going out of the house.

Run then, Barricado up all the doors, make fast the shutters of the windows, call in the Neighbours, and take down the Arms in the Hall, and be upon guard: let her have no Ingress nor Regress.

She'll come in at Windows, and Chimny-tops.

Sprinkle the house with Holy-water, call in the Priests of the Parish, they shall pray her to the Devil; then fetch me a Surgeon, to take the venom of her Tallons out of my face.

I dare not look out of doors; but I'll call out at the Windows, to one that lives over the way.

Mistress, this is my poor habitation; here I must leave you a while.

But will you be as good as your word, and bring Antonio to me?

Take heart-o'-grace; he will be here presently. Go in here: I'll shut the door, and go look him.

You'll not stay long?

I'll be here again presently.

Your haste shall be reward­ed.

So; now I will go to the Tavern o're the way, where he has bespoke Supper: there he said I shou'd find him; at least, I shall find something that's good, to entertain me till he comes.

Who's there? what wou'd you have?

This is fine! A strange Woman, as the Mistress of the house! What she wou [...]d have! why, who are you? and what have you to do here?

The Master of the house is from home; but he'll be here presently.

This is one of his goodly. Harlots, with a Pox.

You mistake; I am no such creature.

Was it for this, he was so willing to employ me abroad; to bring his Jades into my house, as soon as my back's turn'd? I'll Ferret you out of your Burrough; you

Whore you.

What will become of me? with what a man am I intrusted? Pray be pacifi'd; I mean no man harm.

No harm, you Slut! I'll be with you by

and by.

The Woman, sure is mad.— She's

got in: I am undone.

Come down, you Carrion; come down here, or I'll fetch you down, with a horse-Pox.

Come, come out of my house, you Strumpet.

Pray don't misuse me.

I'll tear you to pieces, you Carrion.

O! pray let me go.

Give me your Nose, you Slut.

O Heavens! Forbear, pray forbear.

You don't fear what man can do to you, and do you complain of this? Go, you Quean; and as you like this, come again.

O me, unfortunate!

Now will I go hunt all the Taverns in the Town, but I'll find this Rogue. He provided meat, but I'll give him Sauce! Run a whoring as soon as ever he has got Money!

Walk in there.

Come, let's see what provision you have got, Sirrah. Friends, Rosin your Bows, and new-string your Fiddles; the Cats-guts to night must squeak for't, to drown the Cries of a Departing Maidenhead: and we, this night, will eat and drink away all the sorrow of our past lives. I'll drink till I drown the thoughts of a scolding Wife.

Our Instruments are fixt.

We'll make the Strings Dance to their own Musick.

Here, Sir.

Look you Friends, Wine and Meat in abundance! O sweet Plenty! O you Capons, Pheasants and Partridges, how [Page 38] I do love and honour you! you are the Nobility of Birds; the very Peers of the Realm above: how richly, how mag­nificently are you Cloath'd! how greedily do I wait on you!

O, here's the Rogue!

And thou, my beloved fat Friend, how fairer art thou than my Wife Polla!

What says he of me? I'll listen a while.

O that she were but plump like thee; or had but such a fine white skin: then, how shou'd I dote on her! But a Pox on't, Friends, a Westphalia Ham to her is Ala­baster: She is Stockfish, Red Herring; wrinkled, and dry as they: She is Egyptian Mummy.

O Rogue!

But come, give us a Flourish, and a glass of Wine, and we'll sing her praises backward, as we did the other night.

I'll make one in the Chorus.

Oh! Oh! —

What now?

This— this— you Rogue; this, you Rascals.

O my head!

Oh my Fiddle!

O—O—O, dear Wife! forgive me this once.

Down on your knees.

O, my dear Wife, will you drink any Wine, my Honey?

I'll Wine you:—There's

your Wine.

O, dear Polla, shed my blood, but spill not the Wine.

Think you I'll drink any of the Wine you prepar'd for your Whore?

Thou shalt have Capon and Pheasant, my Duck.

Call your Whore, you Wittal, that you had shut up in my house: all this good cheer was for her; but I have given her her first course.

O, wife! have you been medling with the Lady?

Yes; I have sent her a Whore-grazing. Did you think I'de suffer her to Roost in my house, you Woodcock?

What's become of her, you Carrion?

Go look, you Whoreson.

We are undone. 'Twas Mrs. Rosabella, Mistress to Mr. Antonio, that gave us all that Gold.

'Twas your Whore, you Rogue.

You lye, you Bitch, 'twas she: all this good cheer was provided for their Wedding-Supper, and you have turn'd her out of doors; we are all undone.

You Sot, why did not you tell me she was to be there?

I forgot it.

Ay, you drunken Sot, you forget every thing: you forget a-nights that your own Wife is a-bed with you, you Rascal.

What's to be done? I am at my wits-end.

Leave off your sotting and drinking, you Whoreson, and go look her; go hunt about the Streets: you have a good Nose to follow a Whore, you smell-smock Rogue; try what you can do to find an honest Woman.

Ah, Catterpillers eat your flesh! Better be troubled with all the Whores in Town, than one such damn'd honest Woman as thy self. What a good Supper are we like to lose! A curse on the Carrier that brought you to Town.

Go, you Hog.

Whither shall I fly for protection? My late ill treat­ment has so amaz'd me, I know not which way to turn; and fear to ask the charitable assistance of any: and where to find Antonio I know not. If I wander in the streets, I am in danger to be seen by my Unkle. There is no staying here. Fortune direct my steps to the blest sight of my lov'd Anto­nio.

How shall I come off with Trico, for this mischance? what shall I answer to Mr. Antonio, for the loss of his Mi­stress? but how shall I pacifie my Stomach, for the loss of my Supper?

Oh, Cupes, Trico but now inform'd me that Rosabella is safe at your house: I cou'd not have receiv'd more joy­ful news. Come, Cupes, carry me to her.

Why dost thou not stir nor answer me?

Art thou mad? answer me: carry me to Rosa­bella.

I grow impatient. Cupes, speak; is Rosabella in your house, or has some unlucky chance depriv'd us of her? Is she there? or is she lost? Say.

O the good Wine that's lost, and the bottles thrown down and broken!

Ah! who calls?

Is my Rosabella in your house?

She was in my house.

And where is she now?

I brought her thither; but the cursed Bitch-Fox, my Wife, came in my absence, and suspecting her to be some Wench of mine, beat her out of doors.

O barbarous Woman! cou'd she have the heart to injure so Divine a Beauty, and throw her out of doors?

Cou'd she have the heart to come to the Tavern, and o'rethrow the Table, and spill all the Wine?

Which way went she?

I know no more what's become of her, than of the Partridges and Pheasant, which she too threw about, and us'd most barbarously.

That so great a Treasure shou'd be committed to a Drunkard! I will wander about, till I find her; but which way I shou'd first turn, I know not: Heaven direct me, and protect her from harm.

O that such Heavenly food shou'd fall into the Clut­ches of such a Devilish outragious Woman! I will not sleep, before I once more set my eyes upon those delicate Creatures. Direct me, you Destinies, where to find 'em; and from Dog and Cat, and every ravenous Beast, Defend 'em.

Sce. 1.

Is not that Antonio? it is. Joyful sight!

Ha! blest turn of Fate▪

My Antonio!

My Rosabella! Oh might I for ever hold this wealthy Treasure in my Arms!

You shall lose me now no more: here, like the Ivy round the Oak, I'll twine, and clasp you thus for ever.

Nothing but death shall part us.

I hope all things will fall out happily, because we met so luckily. But, tell me pray, how came you by that Mole on your right cheek?

You have often heard me speak of a twin-Brother I have in England.

His name Antonine.

He is so like me, that every body that has seen him there, when they come here, mistake me for him: I am daily ask'd by Strangers that come hither, when I left England; meaning him: and, wer't not that he has a Mole on the right Cheek, they wou'd not be perswaded but that I am he.

It often happens so amongst Brothers; especially Twins.

The Painter therefore, by Trico's counsel, hath set this Artificial Mole upon my Cheek, that the better I may pretend to be my Brother Antonine, and newly come from London from my Mother-in-Law.

To what intent?

That, by this means, we may be receiv'd into my Father's house.

You, peradventure may be entertain'd; but what will become of me?

You shall have admittance too. My Brother Anto­nine has lately marry'd Clara, my Mother's Daughter by her former Husband Manly: you are now to be her, and my Wife Clara.

And you my Husband Antonine.

Right.

But don't your Father know that Clara?

No; for when Mr. Manly brought my Mother over to Burdeaux, she left her there with a Grandmother, who carry'd her far into the North of England, and kept her there, till now lately that she dy'd: since my Mother went over, she sent for her up to London.

To marry with your Brother Antonine?

Yes.

But why has your Brother liv'd all this while there?

As soon as my own Mother dy'd, my Father's first Wife, he left England; my Brother and I were then but Children: my Unkle took him, to breed him up in the way of Merchandise there, as my Father did me here; that we two Brothers might, like them, traffick together, and hold correspondence.

Your Father then marry'd this wife here in Bur­deaux?

Yes. Old Manly came and liv'd here some few years before his death, upon the account of Merchandising: When he dy'd, my Father marry'd his Widow. But now do you know what I would have you do?

Instruct me.

When we meet with my Father, we will both of us pretend not to know who he is.

Very well.

I have a Letter, as if 'twere sent from my Mother; [Page 44] Trico excellently well has counterfeited her hand.—I wou'd have said more, but I see my Father coming forth: comply with my discourse, and assist me in what you can.

Yes.

Let us walk towards him.

Ha! who is this, my Son Antonio? It can't be him; he walk'd by, and took no notice of me: yet he's very like him. Ho, Antonio! He makes no answer, but looks about him, as if he did not know where he is. 'Tis certainly Anto­nio. Why are not you at Sea, Antonio?

What means the old Gentleman?

Why don't you Answer? Antonio!

Who wou'd you speak with, Sir?

With you. What do you here? and who is this Gentlewoman with you?

My Wife, Sir.

A Strumpet; a lewd Woman, that has seduc'd you.

Good words wou'd better fute your gravity; but I pardon you, Sir, in respect to your Age.

You are very uncivil to Strangers; this from a man of your years! Fy, Sir.

Am I then deceiv'd? Peradventure 'tis some body like him, and not he: he has other Cloaths on indeed.— Pray tell me, Sir; is not your Name Antonio?

I am not Antonio; but my name is very near it.

Certainly you are Antonio.

The old Gentleman's craz'd.

Ay, he's one not well in's wits.

Either you are Antonio, or I am out of my wits.

Come, Husband, let's go.

You call me Antonio, and talk as if you knew me.

I saw him on board; the Ship is gone: I know not what to think.

He begins to stogger.

Pray, what may I call your name?

My name is Antonine.

Antonine! of what Countrey?

An Englishman; as I perceive you are.

Your Fathers name?

Theodore.

Where lives he?

In this City.

Let's be gone: he'll ne'r have done his questi­ons.

Pray, let me see your Cheek.

He is very curious and inquisitive.

Here is the Mole. My Son Antonine, come to my em­braces.

How, Sir?

I am thy Father: before I saw the Mole, I took thee for thy Brother Antonio.

Give me your blessing, Sir.

And me too, Sir.

This is my Wife, Sir.

Clara Manly!

That was my Name.

Give you joy: Heaven bless you both. Daughter, I am heartily glad to see you. But, Son Antonine, how does your Mother? is not she come with you?

She is well, Sir, and remembers her best love to you: in this Letter, you will understand the occasions that de­tain her.

I will peruse it presently. Your Brother Antonio is this very Morning gone for England: I sent him to wait upon his Mother, and you two, hither.

I was just going to enquire his health: I am sorry I shall not see my self in him, so soon as I hop'd.

From my lurking hole, I have observ'd all passages: [Page 46] I'll appear, as if I just now came sweating from his Countrey-house.—Oh hot; sultry hot: peuh, hot, hot.

O, Trico, is my Tenant come with you?

He has got an Ague, and this is his sick day; but to morrow he'll wait on you. Master Antonio! I thought, Sir, you had been gone for England.

Ha, ha: and who do you think this is, Trico?

Mr. Antonio.

No; this is my Son Antonine, his Twin-Brother. He's very like him indeed.

You are pleas'd to tell me so, Sir; but I know Mr. Antonio, when I see him.

Has my Son Antonio a mole on his Cheek?

No; but I have heard Mr. Antonine has.

Go, and look then.

Goodly, Sirs, wer't not for that Mole, I shou'd have sworn it had been my Master Antonio: they are as like, as like may be.

That's my Son's Wife too.

Good Lord!

Daughter, I believe you may be weary, after your Voyage: Trico, wait upon my Daughter in; my Son and I will have a little more discourse.

Gods nigs, Sir, yonder's the damn'd Broker! we are undone.

What shall I do? I have his Cloaths on my back. Help, Trico, or we are undone.

Madam, go in; while I run to Cupes: my Master won't see us, he's reading the Letter.

Verily, the World is nothing but deceit; there is no troth in man, yea none at all: Witness the Ring I re­ceiv'd for a pledge; the Jeweller tells me the Stones are false, yea, false as the heart of the owner thereof.

I sweat, as at the approach of an evil Spirit.

This Letter is lovingly and heartily written.

Here is Antonio, the grand Deceiver.

Sir, will you please to go in? I am a little indispos'd with my Voyage.

Thou man, doth it become one of thy substance to be an Impostor?

Ha, ha: another mistake!

Yea verily, I was mistaken, in taking him for an up­right Dealer.

Who do you think you speak to?

To the young man Antonio.

Ha, ha: I knew you were mistaken.

Verily, hold me not in derision; I say, This Antonio pawn'd to me a Diamond Ring, for Cloaths he had of me, and this Diamond Ring proveth upon the test, to be no Dia­mond Ring, as he proveth on the test to be no honest man, yea.

This fellow is some Cheat.

I tell thee, Friend, my Son Antonio is not in Burde­aux, but gone for England.

He thinks I am a stranger here, and wou'd put tricks on me.

Nay, 'tis thou haft put a Trick on me.

He has a very knavish look.

Give me leave to beat him, Sir.

Thou art free; but verily thou canst not beat me out of the knowledge of thee. Yea, I say again, thou man art Antonio; the deceitful Antonio verily.

I tell you, this is not Antonio.

Who is he then?

His Brother Antonine.

In the morning he was Antonio, now he is Antonine, and before night he will be Antoninuline; and so verily, from these diminutives of his name, there will be a diminu­tion of my Vestments.

Had Antonio, that you speak of, a mole on his cheek?

Verily, I know no Mole he had.

See there, he has.

My Cloaths verily, which he hath on, have no addi­tion of a Mole on them: yea, they are the same, without spot or blemish.

Friend, I brought 'em out of England with me.

Nay, verily.

What can this mean? this fellow cannot be mistaken in his Cloaths.

I am undone; my Father begins to suspect, and Tri­co comes not to my relief. Sir, it may be my Brother bor­row'd some Cloaths of him like these.

Yea, as like as thou art to thy self.

Save you, Sir: I come for Money for your passage.

Welcom, Friend.

How does your good Lady, Master, after her Voy­age?

Very well, Friend.

Who is this?

The Master's mate that brought us over.

Did my Son come from England in your Ship?

Marry did he, and his good Lady too.

Here is an odd fellow says no.

Introth?

And says I am not Antonine.

Fine, ifaith!

In thy old cloaths, verily, thou wert Antonio; but in these thou mayst be Antonine: verily I said but what thou said'st.

He challengeth these for his Cloaths.

A Rogue!

Hark you, Friend, Here is the Mariner that brought my Son over: what say you to that?

I say, Nay.

Is he an Infidel? Let me come to the Pagan.

Forbear.

There are twenty Mariners can witness it besides my self.

Rank Conspiracy; yea, I find.

Let me give him a Salt Eel, while I am in heart.

Nay, verily, give me no rebukes; yea, I will be gone, and the Law of the Land shall right the wrong which thou hast done unto me: yea, verily.

Euh, what an odd conceited fellow was this!

Mad, or Drunk.

What cou'd be his meaning?

Master, will you please to dismiss me?

Friend, come in, and drink; I'll give thee thy Mo­ney.

And something to drink with your Mates.

Thank you, Master: we'll drink my Lady's health, your own, and your good Father's too here.

Come, come in.

Honest Cupes, if thou hadst not come, just when thou didst, I had been run a-ground.

I have set you on float again, and now you are go­ing into Harbour.

Ha, ha, he! we are cleaverly got off: what say you now, Master?

But what if Ignoramus shou'd come abroad?

Nay, I believe he will be upon enquiry, to find out the Cheat that is put upon him: but I have thought on a way to deal with him.

What is that?

Why, what by his own words, and what by Polla's, it is rumor'd here round about, that he is possest with a De­vil: Trico and I will be transform'd to Monks, and Exorcise him.

I understand you: we'll Conjure the Devil out of him.

But, if Torcol shou'd come, to interrupt our affairs?

I know a way to deal with him; but Polla must be the undertaker.

She'll do any thing, to make amends for the late in­juries she did the Lady. Come let's go in and take the Mo­ney.

That shall be shar'd betwixt Trico, you, and your Wife, to make you diligent in my concerns.

Stoppa, Dulman; stoppa Felonem: Stop Thief, stop Thief. Ah, vagabond▪ have I got you by the lugs!

I pray, good Master!

Ah, Fugitive, you thought I cou'd not gignere te ite­rum, not get you again! Wherefore run you away?

Because you were in tanta peltanta Cholera, in such a pelting chafe for Rosabella, that you wou'd not hear Rea­son.

And therefore you must run to the common place, jacendum Globos— vulgo vocati A bowling-ally: where they play at unlawful games, against the Statutes, and there, Sirrah, Lucisti viam meas Coronas, you play'd my Crowns away.

In truth, Sir, Videbam super tantum: I only look'd on.

You shall no more write at my Desk; go, gigne tibi aliam Deskam, get you another Desk.

Si ponas me viam à te, sum defactus ut Ostera: If you put me away from you, I am undone, as you'd undo an Oyster.

Wherefore then did you not bring Rosabella to me?

I brought the same Torcol gave me.

Go, es magnus Vitulus, you are a great Calf. There is no greater Plague in the World, than to have bad Ser­vants: [Page 51] I have sent Pecus, to bid Torcol come to me, and I think he's run away too.

Forgive me this once, and I'll fight like a Devil for you, si venerint Geldrii iterum, if e're the Sow-gelders come again.

I'll fight my self now; sum bene appunctus, I am well appointed: see here.

But, Master, non est Riota portare tres Dagarios? Is't not a Riot, to carry three Daggers?

Not se defendendo; for whatsoe're is done se defen­dendo, is done by Order of Law: therefore, if I kill 'em, let 'em take heed of me another time.

Sir, I have copy'd this over.

Let me see't.—Hum— Look you here, Blockhead, you alwayes write false Latine: if you can't write true La­tine, as I do, cannot you abbreviate the words, as I do, by the middle? Scribere cum dashe, cannot you write with a dash, and so you shall make no error in the Latine, nor er­ror in the Law?

Sir, here is Signior Torcol.

O, Signior Ignoramo!

O, Signior Villano in grano! did I send you 600 Crowns, by my Servant, and you, like a Knave, send me back an old Hag, instead of your Neece Rosabella?

Your Servant Dulman, as he call'd himself, brought me the Six hundred Crowns, told me the private token, and I deliver'd to him my Neece Rosabella, and no other but Ro­sabella.

Say you so? Come hither, you Bonus pro nihil, you good for nothing, do you hear what he says?

Did I deliver to you any old ugly Hag?

He that I deliver'd the Money to did.

But did I deliver her to you?

It was one with a wry neck, like you.

Hold your peace, silence in the Court, listen to your [Page 52] Charge, and answer to my Interrogatories: Was this He that—

Yes indeed.

Peace, Sirrah. Is this He who—

'Twas not I by St. Jago.

Tene linguam; hold your tongue, and speak when you are spoken to.

Master—

Will you again? Si te capio in manum, if I take you in hand!— Is this the man, are you sure, that gave you the counterfeit Woman?

Now I look on him better, that Torcol and this are not the same, tho' he had a wry neck too.

Now do you speak. To whom did you deliver Rosa­bella?

To Dulman; but he was not such a Dulman: he had a little black Beard.

I have no such Servant.

The Rogue Trico has deceiv'd us then, and put some cheat upon us.

Hoc est totum unum, that is all one; I'll have my Money by Law: I'll make a Distress upon your goods.

O, Signior, Bezo los manus.

Firko tuum curvum Collum; I'll firk your crooked neck for this.

Signior Ignoramus, talk discreetly: we are both abus'd; let us joyn to seek a remedy.

Where, but from you, shou'd I seek my remedy?

If you please, let us both go to Antonio, who loves Rosabella; we will accuse him and Trico of this Cheat: It may be, by surprizing them, we may get something out of 'em.

Find out the Deceiver, or you are he. Tu es meus ho­mo, you are my man; from you I look for satisfaction.

Let us go, before they have time to convey her too far out of the way, and to frame stories to amuse us.

Dulman and Pecus, stay you both at home, till I return.

My Master, I find, has been knavishly dealt with.

But wo be to the Knave, if he finds him: Trounsabi [...] illum, he'll Trounce him.

Sce. 1.

IF we succeed in this Enterprise, the Lovers will meet with no more difficulties.

No; this will be the last, and must Crown all our actions past.

But how do you know Ignoramus and Torcol are coming this way?

I met Pecus and Torcol together; I watch'd 'em, and saw him conduct him to Ignoramus: by this time they have conferr'd notes, the Cheat is discover'd, we I know are sus­pected; (I, and Master Antonio, I mean) therefore in reason I conclude that they will be coming hither, to tax us with their suspicions; which, if not prevented, will make a disco­very of all to my Master.

See, your door opens.

My Master's coming out. Now I'll begin to lay the foundation of our design.

Come, Son and Daughter, 'tis a fine Evening, and a walk will refresh you after your voyage.

Seem to take no notice of 'em. But is it possible, that one is possess'd, and the other distracted?

Very true.

'Tis strange, that such a thing shou'd cause him to go out of his wits!

What's that you say, Trico?

Why, there's the strangest thing happen'd that I ever heard.

What's that?

You heard, Sir, of Ignoramus being Possess'd—

By several.

And he here tells me, that one Signior Torcol, a Por­tugueze, is, since yesterday, gone out of's wits.

Since yesterday!

Yes, Sir; without hopes almost to be recall'd.

Pray tell the manner of't.

Why, Sir, this Gentleman had a natural imperfecti­on of walking in his sleep; and last night rose out of's bed.

In his sleep?

Ay, in his sleep; and walkt down Stairs into the Garden, where there is a Well threescore foot deep.

So.

And goes, Sir, to the very brink of the Well; and just as he was stopping into 't, by great Providence wa­ken'd.

Good Lord!

The Well being uncover'd, and the Moon shining bright upon the water, together with the sight of the dan­ger he was in, so amaz'd him, that he stood as taking a step forward; till a Servant of his waken'd and follow'd him down stairs, ran to him, and pull'd him thence.

'Twas a great Providence he shou'd wake just then.

The Servant seeing the danger and shrieking for fear, was suppos'd the occasion.

And did he with this surprise, lose his senses?

Yes, Madam; he lay speechless all night, and rav'd all the morning: The Physicians say, that nothing can re­cover him but shaving off his Hair, letting him blood, and shutting him up in a dark Dungeon for a month or two.

And so they proceed with him?

As soon as they can catch him, they will; but at pre­sent, he is escap'd from 'em.

How so?

He has a Neece, call'd Rosabella, whom he loves ten­derly: about an hour since, he starts up in his bed, cries, Whither do you carry Rosabella? Bring back my Neece; and in the fury of Imagination, gets on his cloaths, (an old Woman that tended him being fall'n asleep,) runs out of the house, and is raving about the Streets for his Rosabella. Se­veral of us are in quest of him.

And can't you find him?

Not yet; but we hear, he and the Possess'd man are got together, and run about together; the mad-man cry­ing, Where is my Neece? the other, Where is my Wife? give me my Wife.

I ne'r heard the like.

Pro mi Sacti! yonder they are all together.

Rosabella too!

Yonder's my Unkle and Ignoramus! I am undone.

Keep your Countenance.

Step aside, and give Polla the Sign. O, Sir, yonder they are: How they stare! Look, look!

You see now my suspicions were not frivolous.

Benedicite! This is my Covert Baron; my own Rosa­bella.

He takes every woman he sees for Rosabella; and tears off their cloaths, if they won't go with him.

I like neither of their looks.

Rosabella, I see you: whither go you, Rosabella?

Keep off.

I'll have my Neece, my Rosabella.

I'll have my Wife Rosabella.

Keep off, keep off.

Here, here they are: seize 'em.

Who are you? what do you do with me?

Come, come, bring him along, to the Doctors house.

O my poor Unkle!

How he struggles to get loose! what a strength a Mad-man has!

Give me my Neece.

Come, more hands to work.

Keep the Peace, in the King's Name: let him go, set him at liberty, or he will have an Action against you pro falso Imprisonamento, for False Imprisonment.

Give me Rosabella: give me my Neece.

So, so; away with him.

Let me come to my Rosabella. Why do you hold me? I see, yet I am blind; I freeze, and yet I burn in Love: I live to Love, and love to live; and live not but in Loving.

This man is strangely Possess'd.

Let me be possest too of Rosabella.— Bound I am in Frank; a Pledge, a Mortgage, to my Rosabella; yet I am in free Socage.

Here I am; here is your Rosabella.

Out, Hag, Sorceress; you Rosabella! a Succuba—

He knowns not his own Wife.

But I know you, Antonio.

He takes you for Antonio, and your Wife for Rosa­bella.

Friends, pray help to bring him along.

Why am I hal'd and pull'd? what do you do with me? do you intend Iterum me Geldare, to geld me again? Rosabella, Rosabella, Rosabella!

Whither do they carry him now?

To Saint Severines Monastery, where some good Re­ligious Monks will use their holy Exorcisms, to fetch the evil [Page 57] Spirits out of him: I must go, and attend the Ceremony. I thank you all for your kind assistance.

A good careful Wife in troth; 'twas pity she marry'd so unfortunately. Come, Antonine, we'll now go in, and see your Wife; she, it may be, is something startled at this bustle.

Come, Bannacar, we are now near the house; as soon as you have seen me in a doors, I must send you with the Coach, to fetch my Son and Daughter from the Haven.

Poor Lady, the Sea made her very Sick: she cou'd scarce stand upon her legs, when we led her out of the Cabin.

By that time thou getst there with the Coach, I hope she will be pretty well recover'd.

I doubt not, Madam; for Sea-sick folks presently grow well, when they come ashore. The burnt Wine I got for her to drink, pretty well setled her Stomach, before we came away.

Bannacar, tho' you have liv'd but a month with me, and in that time I cannot absolutely judge how good a Ser­vant you are; yet, for your care of us, and diligence in this voyage, I will speak so well of you to my Husband, that he shall entertain you for a Servant.

I thank you, Madam: I will to the utmost endeavour to make good the Character you shall please to give of me.

That is the house there: run before, and knock at the door.

You that stand by with Palms and holy Herbs, tye him fast to a Chair.

Why do you attach me so violently, and bind me with Cords and Ropes?

Hold your peace.

O Dulman, Dulman, thou sayd'st thou would'st fight for me; where art thou, Dulman?

He invokes Dulman; certainly his Name is Dulman.

I do Exorcise thee, Dulman: be gone, thou cursed Dulman.

Be you gone, like two Knaves as you are: what a foul Riota, and what a Routa do you make here!

Two Devils; Riota and Routa: Come forth, Riota and Routa.

I am Ignoramus; what have you to do with me?

Come forth, thou most wicked Spirit Ignoramus: I do conjure thee Ignoramus, thou Decliner of Justice, thou Seducer of men, thou sower of Discord, thou disturber of Peace; it is thou whom I do Exorcise: I conjure thee to come forth, and be gone.

So I will be gone from you, Rogues and Knaves, as soon as I can, to be sure: I will be gone to Rosabella.

Be gone, Rosabella, be gone.

O the Devil! she's gone already.

I do conjure thee to tell me, did'st thou ever give up thy Soul and Body unto that evil Spirit Rosabella?

What's that to thee? I have given both Soul and Bo­dy, and all my Goods to her.

O most wicked Wretch!

And, besides her Joynture, if she had marry'd me, she shou'd have had Francum Bancum too.

Be gone, Francum Bancum; separate thy self from her, Francum Bancum.

But now she sha'n't have it: Had she had a kindness for me, she shou'd have enjoy'd many more Priviledges, In­fang-thief, Outfang-thief, Tac, Toc, Tol and Tem.

How many there are of 'em! Be gone all of you; Infang-thief, Outfang-thief, Tac, Toc, Tol, and Tem: I Con­jure you, all you evil Spirits, whether you be in his black round Cap by Day, or his white Cap by Night; whether you be in his double Tongue, or under his Tongue, whether you be in his Beard, or his Head.

You Asses you, do you think the Devil holds in Ca­pite? No; he holds in Frocks, Socks, Hoods, Cowls, and bald Crowns: In such as you are, you Brothers of the De­vils Fraternity.

Now he invokes his Brothers, the Devils.

Come forth, you evil Spirits, whether you be in his Doublet, or his Breeches, his Coat, his Cloak, or his Draw­ers; or in his Pen, or his Wax, or in his Seal, or in his Ink­horn.

Ay, he was in the Horn to day.

I conjure you to come out of the Horn.

Pox take you, and all the Horns in the World, but the Horn that sounds to dinner.

Come forth all of you, you wicked Spirits, and be totally explanted; whether you be in his Indentures, or his Parchments, or in his Papers Ingross'd, in words of Sence, or in words without Sence.

Whether in Gray Fryers, or in Black Fryers, or in Crouched Fryers.

I conjure you all, be gone, and fly, you evil Spirits; Gray, White and Black, and of what colour soever.

And in what place soever about him; whether in his great Pockets, side-Pockets, in his Purse, or in his Fob.

O, you Felons! who hath his hand now in my Pocket? you are Backharend, and Handa­bend.

Be gone, Felons, Backharend, and Handabend.

If they go, it is Felony directly.

Whether in the shape and likeness of Gold, or of Sil­ver; whether well got, or ill got.

I, that's the Devil you desire to come out. Estis Ro­batores, you are all Thieves and Robbers.

I adjure all, and every one of you, to come out.

And to come all into the great Toe of his left foot.

There they are, I see 'em there: I will beat 'em, and stamp 'em down, that they may never rise again.

Now he is mad: Brother, give me some Exorcis'd Salt, and Hallow'd Fire, that I may Exorcise and Fumigate him.

Fire and smoak consume you all. Si Daggarias capio, rumpam calveo coronas vestras, If I take my Daggers, I'll crack your bald Crowns for you.

Daggarias, I conjure you to come forth, Dagga­rias.

I wou'd they cou'd, se defendo.

Let us try now if he be obedient: Repeat what I whisper to you in your ear. Buz, Buz, Buz.

I adjure you to answer to what I demand of you. Mum, Mum, Mum.

What do you keep this Mumming, Mopping, and Mowing about me, like two Jackanapes?

Now, unbind him, and see how he will behave him­self, when at liberty.

So— Keep off at your peril. You have Feloniously taken away my Money, and detain it, against the King's Peace, his Crown and Dignity: I will have you all in a Prae­munire; and if you don't Sine me ire ad largum, let me go at large, Trounsabo vos sic, I'll trounce you so, sicut nunquam fuistis in mondo trounsatus, as you were never trounced in the World.

Hark, what a noise they keep! there's a whole Swarm of Devils in him still.

Yes, I am tormented with three Devils still: thou, Sorceress, art the first Devil; and those two in the Black are two other Devils. But I'll run away in my own defence, and so the great Devil take you all.

Follow, follow, follow. Ha, ha, he.

How he runs! like a Hare, started out of her Form.

Without looking behind him.

If there be ne're a Ship going out of Port, he'll ven­ture to run cross the Sea to England.

Well, now he is gone, and the Sport is over, let us go and rejoyce at the Tavern.

I, now you have got a little Money, the next this is, To the Tavern to spend it.

Be pacify'd; there is a Supper prepar'd for us, and you, Mistress Polla, must along with us:

You are invited, as the chiefest guest.

Nothing but what's o' free cost makes a Feast.

Go you thither before: I'll step home, to see how squares go, and be with you in an instant.

Madam, he's now come in, and is coming to you.

That's well.

My dear Wife!

My dear Husband! I am glad to find you in good health.

And I am over-joy'd, to see you safe return'd to Bur­deaux.

Thank you my dear.

Your coming surprises me. Why came you not with my Son Antonine and his Wife?

We all came together. Pray send your Coach to bring 'em hither: My Daughter is Sea-sick, and very faint, and stayes at the Inne upon the Haven, and her Husband with her, to bear her company.

They are here already.

I left 'em but just now there.

They did not tell me any thing of your coming.

You amaze me the most that can be. They here, and tell you nothing of my coming!

They conceal'd it, perhaps, thinking the Surprise might give me the greater joy.

Bannacar, 'tis almost impossible they cou'd get hither before us.

Truly, so I think, Madam.

I'll call 'em to you. Bid my Son Antonine and his Wife come hither quickly.

Their being here is very strange to me.

It may be, they got some Merchant's Coach acciden­tally, that was coming this way.

Ay, it may be so.

My dear Wife, how over-joy'd I am, at thy arrival!

What is your pleasure, Sir?

Look you, Wife, here is my Daughter Clara.

Where is she?

Do you ask, and see her stand before you?

This is none of her.

What will become of me now?

I know her not.

What mystery is this?

What shall I say?

Who are you then? why do you not answer me? From your silence, and countenance, I guess you guilty of some disgrace to my Family: I fear you are some lewd Wo­man.

Unhappy, Sir, but not unchaste. Pardon me, Sir, I am your Son's Wife.

Wife to Antonine?

To Antonio, Sir.

Your Mother return'd! this is strange.

Where is my Son Antonio?

Go, Sir; they are asking for you.

I dare not appear.

Go, Sir, go; all must out.

Why do you not answer me? where is Antonio?

Here, Sir, at your feet, to beg your pardon.

Are you then Antonio?

I return'd, Sir, from Sea, and pretended to be my Brother Antonine; and set this artificial mole on my cheek, to carry on the deceit.

For love of this Woman, whom you brought into my house for Clara? To what vile intent was this?

I am amaz'd!

She is my Wife, Sir.

O, my Dorothea, how are my hopes now cross'd, that had prepar'd for him a rich Wife, and of noble Paren­tage!

My heart too feels the trouble.

She is not, Sir, of mean Birth, nor wants a Dowry, if Beauty and Vertue are accountable.

Sure, I am no stranger to that Face, nor Voice.

Speak, Lady, who are you? and what is your con­dition?

My Father was a Souldier, and great Commander in War; his name Alphonso, a Noble-man of Portugal.

Right.

From Portugal, he travel'd to exercise his Arms in Fez; and, dying there, committed me to the care and trust of his half-Brother, Rodorigo Torcol, who brought me to this Place.

You are then Rosabella, and his Neece that claim'd you by that Name?

She is, Sir.

I am confirm'd. Madam, know your once poor, but faithful Servant—

Bannacar!

Yes, Madam.

Who is he?

I was Alphonso's Servant; but before that I serv'd one Vtrado, a Merchant. And now, Madam, is a fit time [Page 64] to reveal a Secret, and tell you, You are of English Birth.

What mean you?

This Vtrada was a Merchant, who went upon the account of Traffick into England. One day as he was walking on the Shore at Deptford, where his Ship lay at Anchor, he fell in discourse with a young Nurse, whose Beauty much surpriz'd him. He entic'd her on board; she had in her arms a Child, which was your self: but you were no sooner there, but he clapt you both under hatches, and sail'd out of the River. He brought you to Mauritania, where he sold you and me, to Alphonso; who, having no Child, Adopted you for his Daughter, and chang'd your Name from Isabella, to Rosabella.

What do I hear?

The story's strange!

Hence it is you do conclude him your Father.

What was that Nurse's name?

Vrsula. She told me you were Daughter to one Man­ly, an Alderman of London.

Wonderful discovery!

A thousand blessings on the tongue that spake it.

O Trico!

I am the unhappy Mother, that have had the loss of thee so long.

I am surpriz'd with as much amazement as joy.

Words cannot speak my Wonder, nor my Love.

When Alphonso dy'd, his Brother Torcol convey'd you away before I had the fortune to see you, being not then with him: I had else, after his death, told you what he charg'd on penalty of Life not to reveal before.

I see, here will be a good come-off at last.

What became of the Nurse?

Vtrado, when he had her in possession, forc'd her to his embraces: her grief for the injury done her, I believe broke her heart: she dy'd in the voyage.

Poor Woman!

Hist, Trico, Trico; Master Antonio: shift for your selves.

What's the matter?

Torcol was set at liberty, by the Governour of the Town, who past by, as they were carrying him away: he, and Ignoramus were got together again; they were in the next room to us in the Tavern; I overheard all their discourse: they were resolving to come hither, to examine matters. I came running before, to give you notice.

Let 'em come, now we fear 'em not; there are won­ders broke out.

See, they are come already.

Officers, stay without.

Here they are, Omnum getherum, all together.

And Rosabella amongst 'em!

Here's the Possest Lawyer, and mad Portugal, come to disturb us again.

But now you shall know that I am not mad.

But, to make you so, stand forth (honest Bannacar) and tell the story again.

Signior Torcol, your Servant.

Bannacar! he knows she's not my Neece.

Since my return to Europe, I have been two months in England, and happen'd into the Service of this my ho­nour'd Mistress, Wife to that Gentleman; but her former Husband's name was Manly; which I knew not, till this minute.

No more: I perceive you have reveal'd the Secret of Rosabella's Birth and Quality. Signior Ignoramus, she is no longer my Neece: if you will now demand her in Marri­age, you must ask the consent of that Lady, her Mother as appears.

I have power to dispose of her to none, but Antonio: She has long been his by Contract; which is now confirm'd by their present mutual consent.

If Rosabella before were the Spouse of Antonio, and by consequence in Covert Baron, I am glad I did not marry her; ne fuisset maritagium amissum per defaltam, lest the Marriage shou'd be null by defalt.

Per defaltam: you say right, Sir.

I am contented therefore, Signior Torcol, if ence ca [...] de disseisin, my Six hundred Crowns be paid back to me.

Give me your hand, Mr. Ignoramus; I'll undertake to declare that, in your behalf, to this Company, which shall get you your Money again.

My good Client, take both my hands: Imbraso te.

Verily, and wilt thou get me my Garments restor'd? For, be he Antonio, Antonino, or Antininulo, I must be forth­with satisfy'd: yea, I have Officers at the door.

I will see all your demands satisfy'd.

Verily, I am content.

Yea verily, and so am I.

What a rare come-off is here for thee, Trico!

Now, Wife, we'll send the Coach for Antonine and Clara: This Story will be new to them; and Bannacar at Supper, shall tell it o're again at large, with all the circum­stances.

While I am Mistress of wealth, Bannacar shall never want.

I humbly thank you.

Are you here, Rogues? I'll give you a warm showre.

Hold▪

I'll scald their Coxcombs for 'em.

Hold: what do you do?

What's that to you, Nineumpoop. What has your wry neck to say to Mrs. Rosabella here? or you, Mr. Fusti­lugs, with your Francum & Bancum?

Hold, I say; are you mad?

Let 'em get 'em gone then, or I'll scald their Fools feathers off.

Pox on you, your anger's alwayes out of time: they are now all agreed, and good Friends.

O, are you so? or else I'de have bestir'd my self, for your sake, Madam, to have made you amends.

I thank you.

Come, all follow me in; and they to whom our mirth is not distasteful, I invite to Supper: and here declare a general Welcom.

There will be doings for you and I, wife.

For you to be Drunk.

And you to fill your Gut.

Away, you Rogue.

Along you Slut.

I see how 'tis betwixt you. You two shall be Trico's guests; he shall entertain you: For mirths sake we'll neither of your humours balk.

I'll have my liberty to Drink.

And I, to talk.

Now, my Isabella, are we happy, beyond the reach of Chance.