THE PARLIAMENT MENDED, or Ended, &c.
HAving been a Practitioner in the Art of Physick these many yeares in the Lo [...] Countri [...]s, where I have approved my skill, for the curing of Apoplexies, [Page 2] Feav [...]rs, Aches, V [...]rdigo's, Gangrenas, Spleenitick people and Madnesse, with very good approbation, and fortunate successe, I resolved no longer to hide my selfe from my native Country, but to returne into England, that so my own people might be the better for me the residue of my yeares; but now being arived I cannot but stand amazed, and as if I had beheld another Gorgonhead mee thinks I am converted into stone, for the face of things here are so changed, since the time I set forward for my travaile, that mee thinks, it is no more like the Garden of the world (once worthily called so) then the Thessalian hils are compared with Temp [...]; sure some Circe hath taken up her abode here, and practiseth her metamorphosing Charmes, for I incounter with none but beasts, men (I suppose when I left them) and now I cannot but curse my selfe that ever I passed the Seas hither where I am like to starve for want of practise, since the minds of the men of this Climate have need of cure and not their bodies, Paracelsus, Dioscorides, Galen, yea or the Inventer of Physick Aesculapius, might sit here and practise upon themselves; but since it is my ill hap to be here now, and that I cannot evade it, I have be thought my selfe of a way, at least to vanquish hunger, I perceive the vulgar, are generally Infected, and desperately overrun with a Disease called Parliament, dissease never heard of til the yeare 1641; and therfore I shal make semblance to have skill both in the original of the cause & the taking away the effects, Iack pudding.
Here Sr, O master would I were amongst the butterboxes, again, the faire haired Flemings, here you are like to get nothing by your skill, nor by any tricks.
Never feare Iack I shal get wealth, and fame to boot [Page 3] and for that purpose I will have a stage erected by Cha [...] ing Crosse, on which I wil divulge my skill unto al passers by, get thou the copies of these bills speedily printed, that performed, clap them up in every corner of the Citie, and in the most open places of the suburbs, the first medecine I undertake to heale with, is called.
A Soveraign drinke, which whosoever shall tast but six spoonefuls of it, brings into a Loyall temper, and discovers unto him the goodnesse and excellencies of his King.
The Receit.
Let him take three Spoonefuls of the excellent juice, extracted from the famous hearb, so much lauded in scripture called Loyaltie, with a good quantitie of the root of the hearb Grace, and thereto an handfull of obedience, asmuch Christian pittie, and true Faith, with a dose of humilitie; mix all these together and boile them over the soft fire of Zeale according to Knowledge, in an equivolent Number of teares taken from the cleare fountaine of a repentant heart, and let all boile till they bee coagulated and then take, and keepe.
A purge peculiarly to be administred to the members of the Iunto, and prescribed onely for them and their use.
For that the Junto, have this seaven yeares confined, themselves to one place, & have not taken their progresse into the country thereby to refresh their ever working and troubled spirits, with the odoriferous, & sweet smelling ayre and withall have been so unprofident and carelesse of their own health, as to suffer a large and noisome Privie to have it evacuation, nearly under their nostrills: I have therefore being very Zealous of their preservation, and how corrupt their bodies are even almost as fowle as their Soules, have devised them this thorow Purgation, which I am certaine if timely taken, will bee for their exceeding profit.
The Receit.
Let them take twelve ounces of Loyaltie, a Vegitable to be found in each corner of the pleasant Garden, called the word of God, with a good quantity of Order and Discipline, with as much of Law and [...]ustice; a pound of Penitence, with Competency, of the antient Religious practises; mix all these together, with a hand not spotted with Rebellion, murthers, oppressions, cruelties, and Impieties, and boyle them in a Caldron filled with their own teares of Contrition, and then it being gathered to a jelly, box it up, and preserve it for your use; this receipt will without faile, restore you to your first and pristine Purity; and you may yet be called a Parliament.
Another receit in case the other faile.
Take each of you a good hempen halter strongly and surely twisted (and each of you after you haue well dined (For it is not good to goo to hell with an emptie stomack) adorn each of your thick necks with the aforesaid Bracelets, that done you that have a mind to step into Charons boat unseene, and have studies replenished with books onely for fashion sake, enter into them, and there casting up your eyes search out the most conveniently exalted beame, to which by the ayd of a joint stool [...], fasten your hempen jnstrument, and having performed these necessary ceremonies without praying to God, who abhorres you, or calling on the Devill, who longs to embrace you, put your selves to the mercy of the throtle, and without faile it wil prove your perfect cure, Probatum est.
Another.
But if it shall so happen (as in all probabilitie it may) that you shall be out of conceit with such a speedy cure, alledging that because your charitie forbids you to take the Executioners trad e from him, who hath these many years so we I thriven under you, take another more-Gentleman like prescription.
[Page 5]Take each of you an ounce of white Mercury, as much Aqua fortis, halfe an ounce of Stibium, boile all these together in an Asses hoofe (for it is as speedie and dangerous as ever was the Centaurs blood, the terror of the great Alcides) till it shall be commixt into one jelly, then each of you share as much of it as will cover a sixpence, and mingle it with your usuall beveridge, and take the opinion of the Horse Doctor it wil couzen you of your leaprous soules & in as smal a time as you may be voting no further addresses to the King, that a Declaration bee drawne up against him, taxing him for murthering his Father, or while you may vote a whole Countie out of their lives and Estates, but if this faile or that you are yet resolved to hold up your house, till your fingers are chopt of, hearken to your Doome.
Thus have I prescribed, two never failing Purgations; very meet to bee used by our Honourable Iunto, and which I am certaine will endubitably, cure them of their feares, and the kingdome of their Ague fits, and now because the whole Nation are desperately sick of this cruel killing dissease▪ called Parliament, I shall out of meere pittie and compassion to my languishing Countrimen, prescribe them this medicine then which none can afford them speedie and safe cure.
The Receit.
With speed draw your selves into one body of defence of your Rellgion, your King, and your Lawes, conjure all your fellow Commoners to rise as one man, which done, and you in warlike equipage, let Surrey men be your president, and Declare that you are lost, if there be not an OLD KING and a NEW PARLIAMENT; draw up a Declaration, which may informe the world how your King hath been dethroned and Imprisoned, your Church Demolished and devasted, your Parson Murthered and your Estates Sequestred▪ your Lawes perverted, and vacated, by these who at the first pretended to bee Reformers, and Patriots, then reinthrone your King stand by him till he call a Parliament, of knowing (but unbiassed men) See the Fathers, I meane the Reverend Bishops of the Church replaced in their former Sees and lay not down your swords till this late cursed Rebellion, hath been punished, and all things to their first puritie restored.