SInce this Nation cannot be ignorant that we of the Faithful Honest Party for many years last past, have wasted our Patrimonies, have sat up whole nights, and myriads of nights, swearing, and smoaking, and drinking, and soaking in Sack and in Ale, both raw and butter'd; all which we did upon design to promote the Common Good: And since it is apparent, that many of us have no reward for these most meritorious Services, insomuch that our great spreading Plumes are shrivell'd, and moultered into one single yard of 4 d. Ribbon; that our Pockets instead of money are fain to hold the dirty scraps of Bread and Cheese; that our Swords, like the dreadful Weapon of Captain Bessus, are by our Enemies meerly eaten up into knives, that our Cloaths in general are so bedanbed with distillations from the Pint-pot, that they smell more strong then a Brewers Apron: We out of an Heroick Indignation can no longer patiently endure these most ungodly persecutions, but humbly implore, that the means hereafter proposed may be listned and yielded to, that there may be some Alleviation of our miseries, and that we may once more be restored to our transcendent Nobilitating Elements of Sack and Ale, whereby our drooping Spirits will be again set afloat, to the utter confusion of all the Small-Beer Presbytetians, Anabaptists, Fifth-Mo­narchy-men, and Quakers, and of all the Coffee-drinking-Commonwealths-men, and Harringtonians.

Our Proposal and Petition is, That whereas this Nation through our assidu­ous endeavours does now abound with the Honourable Gentle Qualities of drinking, swearing, whoring, cheating, &c. no person for the future may in­dulge either his pleasure or profit, by exercising himself in any of them, un­less he has a special Warrant or License by some eminent Assembly of us met to this purpose, under the notion and title of Commissioners, &c. Which Com­missioners being to be composed of eight or ten of those Damme-blades, who own the profession of the Sword, as many Cheats and Broken Gamesters of a­ny common Dicing-Ordinary, with some of the rank Flesh-flies and Smell-Smocks, and other strong Drunkards of the Town, shall have power under the Farm-rent of 200000 l. per annum to the State, to make every man compound according to the rates here under specified, for his particular liberty to drink, whore, swear, lye and cheat, and act other the like extravagancies.

That such a number of Commissioners being found out and nominated, may be authorized to set up one publick Office at the — Tavern in Covent-Garden, or elsewhere, with power to constitute under-Officers, as Registers, Clerk, Porter, &c. and that the said Commissioners may have a common Seal, known by the name of The Great Seal of the Commissioners and Farmers of the Liberty of having no Conscience; engreven either with a Die Slurrant, or a Tongue Swearant, or a Mouth Spuant, or a Plush-coat Pawnant, it matters not which; and with this Motto, Lucribonus odor exre Qualiber.

[...] man impose the Rates here under speeified.

That immediately Proclamation may be made, That all Hectors, Low-Coun­try-Captains, Broken Citizens, Gentlemen of the High-way, Cheats, Drunkards, Swearers, Cursers, Wenchers, Lyars, &c. shall appear before the said Commission­ers at the place appointed as aforesaid, and there compound according to the prece­dent rates, for their illegal and unchristian ways of profit, pleasure, and vain glory.

That as the said Commissioners shall have power to assets the said Rates [Page] [...], and other priviledges; so when any of the Brethren are fallen into adversity, they shall have authority to allow a competent sum to any of them, for a Radix, or pun­clum Saliens to their suture Fortunes.

That in some Cases the Commissioners shall have liberty to gratifie and re­ward the Gallantillo's for any notable Action done, so it come within the li­mits of their inspection.

Et ubi cadem est ratio, ibi erit eadem Lex.

That no man be admitted to compound for having no Conscience at above-said, before he hath subscribed the solemn Protestation following:

I. A. B. do heresol mnly protest, that I judge my self bound, as I am a Getleman well descended, not to yield my self a Captive to the Jaws of Poverty, nor to attend the leisure or delay of any honest imployment, but rather to cheat, rob, or Hecto­rize, or plough my maintenance out of the lust of any loose Woman, whether she be Maid, Wife or Widow, of the City or Country. That as I am a good Orthodox Com­monwealths-men. I am obliged to keep up the Honourable Customes of drinking, savearing and smocking, and to confound all vile Fanaticks with the fierce Gun­powder of swelling Oaths, and with most pregnant mickle courage drawn from the operation and energy of Sack: And though I do intend to carry a pretty plausible Gentile Outside, yet my Resolutions art, for ever to banish the thoughts of Real Ho­nour, or Conscience, or Religion, as meer fantastical Idea's, and Chimaerical Noti­ons supra nos, and so nihil ad nos.

Also I do believe, that the Constitution of this Honourable Society of Commission­ers, is very agreeable to our present necessities; and that 'tis therefore grounded on Reason supr' amount to that of any positive Law, and so ought inviolably to be observed.

That no person taking this Protestation, and compounding as abovesaid, shall be questioned for any of the precedent Misdemeanors in any Court Spi­ritual or Temporal; but shall be discharged upon proof made of the said Com­position, Ousur Manstrans d' Escript South Seal del dits Commissioners.

That Letters Congratulatory may be sent to the Pope, to certifie the actual approbation of the English for his taking tribute from the Stews; seeing that upon the same grounds is built the Superstructure of this Honourable Assem­bly of Commissioners, &c. with the Revenue and Profits accrewing to the State thereby.

That no Common Players (truly so called) be obliged or compelled to compound according to the Rates abovesaid, because they were long ago vir­tually incorporated into this Society by the Statute.

That if any man fear to be Robbed, or Cheated, or to have his Wife whor'd, &c. in case he repair to the said Commissioners, they shall execute the Office of Mal Cut-purse, and for a small sum of money shall secure him, by good pledges, from any such loss or damage.

That for the future no person or persons, having compounded as above said, shall be branded with any names of ignominy or scandal, as heretosore; but that such as are common Hectors, Cheats, Padders, or Coiners, shall be called, Ingenious Persons that live by their Wits: and such as are notorious Sots and Drunkards, shall be characteriz'd to be Good well-meaning honest Fellows: and such as are grand Horners and Fornicators, shall modestly be termed, Amorous Persous: and those who are given to lying, shall be called Romancers or Historians.

That if any man who has compounded as abovesaid, loose 35.6. d. at any Gaming Ordinary, it shall be lawful for him to look sowre, and curse exceed­ingly, and swear to the next man he meets, that he has lost 5 l. and to the next man, that he has lost 10 l. and to the next man, that he his lost 20 l. and so under pretence of the said fictitious loss, to thrust along with any Company into a Tavern, and come off Scot-free.

That the Commissioners shall and may appoint several private Committees at confiding le-houses, &c. to give in intelligence of young Novices and Bubbles, that have no more wit or brains then to be cheared; what sums of money are moving upon the Road; what City-Madams there are of easie wanton inclinations; what Taylors and Tradesmen are gisted with a photopho­ria, or sulness of Faith; where is the best Liquor, be it Wine, Ale, Cyder, Chocolatta, &c.

That it being the misfortune of many Hectors, Drunkards and Leachers, who pretend to sufferings for Loyalty, to [...] poor, so that their Coats (whe­ther Plush or Cloth) their Horses, Watches, Rings, Swords, Boors, with other Vestments, Appendants, and [...], were [...] to he Mortgaged in Ale houses, in Taverns, and Brokers Wardrobes; there may be so much money immediately deposited by the State as will redeem them; to the end that such worthy Personages may no longer look like the Epitomes of a Sh [...]p-wrack, or old-hatcht Hilts, here a spot of Silver; and there a spot of Rust.

That it shall not be lawful for any Door-keeper at a Play-house to deny entrance to such persons as have compounded as above said; in case any one of the persons swear God Dammee with a clear and audible voice eight times; and also in case he call the said Door-keeper Son of a Whore, and kick him one and twenty times.

That the Commissioners and their Composition-men may have free privi­ledge to baffle, out-talk, cut-sweat, and out-face any of those Maidenly meal­mouth'd people whom they call Fanaticks, or any who dares mention the word Conscience, or pronounce a Text of Scripture in their company: That in case any one persist in such babble or impertinence, they may lawfully kick or stab him: or upon the most moderate terms spit or throw a glass of drink in his face; and so with solemn censure excommunicate him out of the pale of their Society.

That the said Commissioners may he licensed to hold this following Opini­on as probable and Orthodox: Videlicet:

That Satan being nothing else but a certain Accumulation or Primitive stock of Evil, whatsoever wickedness is perpetrated by Mortals, must necessarily be a sub­straction from his Essence; and the more men sin and transgress, the more they di­minish and spend upon his substance; till at length when their concupisce thial spungy Natures have suck'd up all iniquity, it is impossible there should any Devil be left at all, in regard he will be totally devour'd, swallow'd up, and extinguisht.

And that upon this sublime consideration, the said Commissioners and their Proselites may be lookt upon as friends to Religion, because they take the readiest course to vanquish and annihilate her oldest and greatest Antagonist.

That in case all, or the most essential part of these Proposals are not granted us our credits with Taylors and Taverns will be clearly bankrupt; and our wants having bereav'd us both of our Periwigs and Linnen, Nature, Necessity and Desperation, will oblige us to grow sullen and Religious, and to fall into some melancholy Sect, like that of the Quakers, wholly opposite to Hectori­zing, and most Antipodian to the Town Gallantry: in which condition, 'tis very probable we shall become Factious, and shall study bitter Invectives, and dangerous Principles against the Government, &c.

That therefore we ought to be considered, and our Proposals yielded to, not only in regard of services past, but of inconveniences to come. And we fur­ther more promise, That whatsoever we do, within the limits abovesaid, shall all be unto Loyal ends, as far as the nature of things will permit: so that when we drink our liquor with a gasto, when we cheat, or coin, or take a Purse; when we kiss, imbrace, hug, and — to an high extasie of pleasure; when we swear like Gentlemen of Rank, Curse, Damn, Sink, take our Swinges in all manner of Rants, carnalities and debauches, though we enjoy the sensual earthly part of them, yet shall we ever dedicate the pure notional abstracted Idea's of them to the prosperity of that glorious Interest, for which (in the Battels of Cupid and Bacchus) we have so long contended. And we shall al­ways endeavour to blast the thin effeminate Souls of the Fanaticks with the strong Hantgant of Sack and Tobacco, which does stream in a powerful mix­ture and coagulation from between our jaws. Nor will we be remiss in stri­ving by all means imaginable to explode the Heretical Opinion in the Poli­ticks, called Democracy, as a Device which we find to be built upon inconsi­stent contradictory Foundations, viz. Rotation and the Balance: For upon sen­sible experience we know, that when Rotation is in the Head or Brain, there can be no balance in the heels.

Finally, if nothing else will avail, we will combine to spue and piss out the fires which lies rak't up in the mischievous Embers of Civil diffention. Not do we care though they make a great Hissing when we first go about in, because the said Embers, being totally extinguished, we do propose to our selves to dance and tumble, and frolique it in the ashes. Anonimus.