The five strange wonders of the world, or, A new merry book of all fives which was written and printed on purpose to make all the people of England merry, if they have no cause to be sad / written by L.P.

Author: L. P. (Laurence Price), fl. 1625-1680?1674

THE FIVE Strange WONDERS OF THE WORLD: OR, A new merry Book of all FIVES.

Which was written and Printed on purpose to make all the people of England merry, if they have no cause to be sad.

Here are such rare conceits and merryment,
Which well may give the Readers heart content;
And serve it will to lengthen some folks Lives,
If they observe the several sorts of Fives.
Let them that buy it, read it at their leisure,
'T will be as well for profit as for pleasure.

Written by L. P. And Licensed according to Order.

London, Printed for William Whitwood at the Golden Bell in Duck-Lane. 1674.

[Page 1]

There are Five strange Wonders in the World.

TO hear a Lawyer tell truth,
To see a Prodigal turn thrifty,
To see an Informer refuse a Bribe,
To see an Usurer throw away money,
And to see a Whore turn honest.

Five Excellent gifts belonging to all sorts of people.

To be faithful in promise,
To be true in performance,
To be humble in prosperity,
To be patient in Adversity,
And to remember our later end.

Five points of good Husbandry.

To avoid all manner of gaming,
To shun Whoring and Drunkenness,
To be careful of your business,
To be saving in expences,
And to get wealth with a good conscience.

Five chief Ʋpholders in a Common-wealth.

The Sea-man,
The Merchant,
The Farmer,
The Shepherd,
And the Plow-man.

Five sorts of Tradsmen we cannot be without.

[Page 2]The Carpenter,
The Weaver,
The Blacksmith,
The Taylor,
And the Shoomaker.

Five sorts of merry companions when they mees in an Ale-house.

A Pedler,
A Tinker,
A Broom-man,
A Cobler,
And a Chimny swe [...]per.

Five things commendable in a youth.

To be reverend in company,
To make haste in an Errand,
To imploy his business closely,
To be true to him that put him in trust,
And to be obedient to his Parents.

Five extremities all men are subject unto.

Subject unto vain delights,
Subject to sinful actions,
Subject to many misfortunes,
Subject to slavery of sin,
And subject to death.

Five things are not agreable with the other.

A queasie stomach and bad fare,
A thirsty man and a little pot,
A weak horse and a heavy load,
A lusty souldier and a fearful coward,
A scolding wife and a fighting husband,

Five things will hardly be hidden.

[Page 3]Poverty in pride,
Wantonness in lust,
A wart in the face or fore-head,
A Glow-worm in the dark,
And a painted whore in an open window,

Five dangerous Exercises.

Wras [...]ling in the Ring,
Swimming in deep Rivers,
Fighting with mad men,
Dicing with cheaters,
And dancing in Bawdy-houses.

Five sorts of men very necessary in an Army.

A Couragious General,
Bold-hearted Captains,
Valiant Lieutenants,
Able Sergeants,
And stout Souldiers.

Five noble Vertues belong to a Souldier.

To be valiant in his proceedings,
To be honest in all his actions,
To be wise in his carriage,
To be true to his trust,
And to keep honest company.

Five good properties in a Maid.

To be seen and not heard.
To be civil and not coy,
[Page 4]To be loving and not wanton,
To answer when she is spoken to,
And to go handsome and not proud.

Five Lessons fit for young Scholars to Learn.

To give honour to Age,
To be courteous in behaviour,
To be humble in condition,
To be excellent in knowledge,
And to be charitable to the poor.

Five things too common in use.

Hateful pride in married women,
Wanton Lust in wilful Maids,
Deadly drunkenness in sinful women,
Griping greediness in covetous persons,
And dissimulation among fawning people.

There are five sorts of nimble pickers which deserve to be punished.

A Pick-thank for telling false tales,
A Pick quarrel for making mischief,
A Pick-look for robing his neighbour,
A Pick-window to let in Rogues,
And they that pick-pockets to purchase the Halter.

There are five sorts of people ill to trust,

Trust not a Parasite with thy dinner,
Trust not a thief with thy money,
Trust not a drunkard in thy Cellar,
[Page 5]Trust not a Ranter with thy wife,
Nor trust not a Whore with thy secrets.

Five sorts of labourers ought to be kickt.

They that go to a feast without bidding.
They that breed disturbance among neighbours.
They that breed debate between man and wife,
And they that carry false tales from one to another.

These five things offend the Eyes.

Taking too much Tobacco,
Standing too long in the cold,
Gazing too much upon painted drabs,
To see others flourish with thy goods,
And to see thy friends want and cannot help them.

Five sorts of people not to be pitied.

They that will want meat, rather than work to get it,
They that will lie still while a Cart runs over them,
They that will not be ruled by their friends,
They that spend their means wastfully,
And they that fall into a pit that they dig'd for others.

Five sorts of people ill spoken of without desert.

[Page 6]He that is rich is said to be covetous,
He that is poor is counted idle,
He that is liberal is counted prodigal,
He that is valiant is counted a quarreller,
He that is fearful is said to be a Coward.

Five sorts of Creatures most busie in hot weather.

A Bee in the Hony-pot,
A Duck in a Fish-pond,
A Mole in a Park,
A Lowse in a bosome,
And a Fox among Geese.

Five special good things in a winter season.

Wholesome diet for the belly,
Warm cloathing for the back,
Ale and Spice for the stomach,
A good fire to fit by,
And a soft bed to lie upon.

Five cunning Watchers.

The Cat will watch the Mouse,
The Kite will catch the Chickins,
The Fox will watch the Geese,
The Woolf will watch the Lambs,
And the thief will watch the true man.

There are five sorts of cunning cheaters.

The Owle will cheat the Mouse,
The Fowler will catch the Kite,
[Page 7]The Shepherd will catch the Wooll,
The trap will catch the Fox,
And the Gallows will catch the thief.

Five good commodities to be sold in a Market.

Corn if it be not too dear,
Meat if it be not tainted,
Cheese if it be not rotten,
Eggs if they be not addle,
And Fish if it do not stink.

Five sorts of men are beholding to the Horn.

The Ink-horn-maker for a lively-hood,
The Shoomaker to draw on their customers shoots,
The Farriers to drench sick horses with,
The Huntsman to call his hounds together,
And Tom of Bedlam to call the boys together.

Five things to be hated of honest men.

The person of a wicked Bawd,
The company of cursed Whor [...]s,
The temptations of a flattering hypocrite,
The presence of a hateful thief,
And the conditions of a drunken woman.

These five deserve to be coupled together.

A kind husband and a loving wife,
A cross gram'd scold and a cudgels end,
[Page 8]A cheating knave and the pillory,
A painted whore and old Bridewell,
A brazen fac'd Bawd and the Cart.

Five couple well met.

A young man and a handsome maid,
Hot meat and a good stomach,
A wanton child and a dainty Rod,
A drunken man and a fair pair of stocks,
A lusty thief and a strong pair of Gallows.

These five ought not to be despised.

A servant that is sorry for his fault,
An honest man that is fallen into poverty,
He that will speak the truth and shame the Devil,
He that suffers wrong for quietness sake,
And he that strives to give good counsel.

Five things good to make a sick man well.

Temperate diet at seasonable times,
Merry company at all times,
A contented mind continually,
A clear conscience day and night,
And a loving wife to guide his house.

These five things will never agree.

Sobriety with Drunkenness,
Temperance with gluttony,
Charity with spightsulness,
Bounty with covetousness,
And Chastity with wantonness,

These five things are of long continuance.

[Page 9]Sap in Oke,
Fire in Flint,
Life in a Cat,
Gold in a Misers chest,
And vertue in the breast of a Virgin.

Five things are subject unto change.

The Moon will change her glory,
The wind will change its corner,
The prodigal will change his possession,
A Lyar will change his tale,
And a drunkard will change his shirt for good liquor.

Five rare things have great infirmities.

The fragrant flower harbours the cursed Serpent,
The finest cloath is eaten with the Moth,
The f [...]irest colour will be soonest stained,
The flattering tongue hath the falsest heart,
And the hottest Love is the soonest cold.

Five vices used too much amongst Tradesmen.

Deceit in selling their wares,
Swearing in selling their bargains,
Playing on Mondaies and Tuesdaies,
Trusting their goods to those that will never pay,
And ab [...]sing their Wives and Children,

Five sounds bring good news to England.

[Page 10]The sound of Bells for joy of peace,
The sound of a messenger that brings good news from beyond Sea,
The sound of a trumpet in token of victory,
The sound of musick if it revives the senses,
And the sound of Market-folks if victuals be good cheap.

Five things cannot be numbred.

The Sand on the Sea-shore,
The grass on the ground,
The Stars of the Firmament,
The Joyes of heaven,
And the Pains of Hell.

These five things are pleasant to behold.

A plentiful Harvest,
A full market of all sorts of provision,
To see our friends prosper in the world.
To see true religion flourish in our Land,
And to see justice executed upon offenders.

Five kinds of venemous stings.

The sting of Asps that can never be cured.
The sting of Vipers that poisons where it comes,
The sting of a Scorpion that infects the body,
[Page 11]The sting of the Devil that infects the soul,
And the sting of a scold that will never be at quiet.

Five sorts of people must we beware of,

He that will say one thing and do another,
He that will cozen all he deals with,
He that will rather steal than labou,
He that will live by the sweat of other mens brows,
And he that will borrow and never pay.

There are five sorts of people that [...]z [...]n the world.

They that sell bad ware for good money,
They that go about in the name of Fortunetellers,
Wenches that bring great b [...]llies out of the Country to London.
Married men that go for Batchelors,
And night walking Whores that go for Maids

Five excellent Medicines to cure a hungry stomach.

A good cawdle [...]'th morning next the heart.
A good dinner of hot meat at noon,
A pottle of Mall'd Sack towards three of the Clock,
A shoulder of Mutton and a Capon for supper,
[Page 12]And a warm she bed-fellow to lie withal at night.

Fives sorts of Lasses much esteemed of in Lincoln.

Mincing Moll of Turnbal-street and her Companions,
Bonny Kate the Kitchingstuff wench and her gang,
Subtil Susan the Orange and Lemmon-wench, and her fellows.
Maudlin the modest Milk-maid with her draggle tail.
And Frances the fine Fish-wench of Billingsgate, marry fough.

Five things necessary to be kept in memory.

To remember the time past what thou wert,
To remember the time present what thou art,
To remember the time to come what thou shalt be,
To remember what thy parents have done for thee,
And to remember to save something in thy youth to keep thee when thou art old.

There are five sorts of people must sit down by the loss.

A man that hath lost his labour,
A boy that hath lost his breakfast,
[Page 13]A fool that hath lost his Hobby-horse,
A Widow that hath lost her Husband,
And a wench that hath lost her maiden-head.

There are five foolish fashions in great request.

Great bunches of small ribbons on mens Codpieces,
Women to carry their coats above their knees,
Young fellows to powder their hair,
Wenches to wear black bags that have never a smock to put on,
Painted Whores to ride in Coaches while civil Gentlewomen go on foot.

There are five principal senses belonging to a mans body.

The sense of Seeing, whereby to discern good from evil,
The sense of Hearing, whereby to understand what is spoken by others,
The sense of Smelling, that we may not be mistaken,
The sense of Tasting, to please our own fancies,
And the sense of Feeling, that we may know what we do.

Five things I could wish might continue ever.

A true well-settled Peace in England,
Faithful love among neighbours,
[Page 14]Deeds of Charity done to the poor,
That trading may be quicker than now it is,
And that every one would amend his life.

Five other wishes to conclude with.

Would all knaves would turn to be honest men,
Would all scolds would learn to be quiet,
Would poor men were better p [...]d for their labour,
Would money were more plentiful,
And would all that see my Books would buy them.

Come along kind Customer buy every one.

And then will my Books all the sooner be gone.

FINIS.

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