1. As concerning Gods beginning with her betimes, which she thankfully acknowledged, and much rejoyced in.

I Would not for ten thousand worlds, but have begun to seek God betimes; the Lord put me upon it; he then took me off from other delights, and made me to delight in his Word, &c.

He began with me betimes, and carried me on step by step. I could then see nothing in the World to delight in. I thought then Holy-days (as they called them) a wearisomness unto me. I would sometimes sit, and see others play, but took no delight therein, for which they would laugh at me, and tell me I studied Divinity, &c. But my delight was then, (this was when she was about thirteen Years of age), to search the Scriptures, and to get by my self, and pray: O that pleased me; and very much was I troubled when hindered, &c.

God wrought in me betimes an hatred of what was evil, and a love of what was good; and I then dearly loved those that feared the Lord, and spake of what was good, but I could not delight in vain Company. I was fearful to offend God, &c.

It is good to set out and begin with God betimes. I chose God when I was young, and then my endeavour was to do what he commanded me; and I was grieved when I slipped; my greatest sorrow was for sin, and nothing troubles me more now, than that I ran no swifter then in the ways of God.

[Page 2]If my work was now to do, and my evidences to seek, what a sad condition was I in! And if I had not spent more time for Heaven, when I had time, and health, and strength, it would even sink me now.

Thus this blessed Saint Remembred her Creatour in the days of her Youth, Ec­cles. 12.1. he had her golden age, the prime of her Years, the chief and choice of her days; and who indeed should have these, but God, who is the best and chiefest of all? And there was in her, whilst a Child, found some good thing towards the Lord God of Israel, 1 Kings 14.13. and then even while young, and tender, she began to seek after the God of her godly Parents, 2 Chron. 34.3. whose care it was to train her up betimes in the way she should go, and she bare the yoke in her youth, and so did not bear the reproach of her youth, Lam. 3.27. Jer. 3.19. in neglecting then to do God service, and to mind her everlasting concerns, when was the chief time for it, but had the comfort of her youth. And this is Gods due, the chief and choice of our days. The first of the first fruits, were to be offered to God: Exod. 23.19. repeated 34, 26. and youth is the time, which of all times God does chiefly require, and most delight in, his Soul desires the first ripe fruit. Micah. 7.1. and early fruits, are very acceptable, &c. God prizes the services of young ones, and it exceedingly pleases him to see plants grown up even in their youth, Psal. 144.12. and he especially bespeaks young ones to give him the heart; my Son give me thine heart, &c. Proverbs 23.26. So my Daughter, you young ones, &c. and this is given as one Reason, why that title my Son, is so often used in the Book of Proverbs, because God does there especially speak to young ones, &c. and we while young, experiencing bounty and kindness from God, there's all the reason he should have duty and service from us. Can we while we are young live without him? And why therefore, should we not then live unto him? and as he is the guide of our youth, so make him the God of our youth; and truly our whole time is so short, all our days so few, but as an hands breadth, Psal. 39.5. that God may well have all, and a poor pittance too for him, who intends an eter­nity of felicity for us O how many have repented they began no sooner, but who ever repented for beginning so soon? And is it not safest to begin betimes? is not youth the seasonning age? And does not the vessel retain longest the savour of what it is first seasoned with? When Children grow crooked at first, while young, they are hardly ever set straight again afterwards. Few instances of old ones converted, &c. Besides, old age (says one) is the time to spend grace, Youth to get it: old age to reap the fruit of Holiness, youth to sow the seed of it: and are not young ones in their youth dedicated and consecrated to God by virtue of their Baptism? and is it not Sacriledg to impropriate the service of that, to sin and Satan that is dedicated to God? And do not young ones die as well as old? and are there not Skulls in Golgotha of all sizes? How many are taken away in the very prime of their days, and flower of their age? And young ones must appear before God at the great day of judgment as well as elder. I saw the dead (says John) both small and great stand before God, Rev. 20.12. they were all there, &c. And how well was it therefore for this precious Soul, she began so soon!

2. As concerning her sense of sin, and sorrow for her soul­distempers.

THE distempers of my body trouble me, and I am ready to complain be­cause of pain, but they do not sad me; but the distempers of my soul, they much sad me, yea even sink me. I am very much troubled with this body of sin and death: and that I can do and receive no more good. When I pray for health, and the removing of the distempers of my Body, then methinks I pray but slen­derly in comparison; but when I pray for the removing of the distempers of my Soul, then I pray most earnestly: so that when I have begun, I know not how (as it were) to make an end: yea, I am so earnest in desiring God to cure the one, that I am ready to forget to beg of him the cure of the other.

Sorrow for other things makes me sleep the more, but when it is for sin, I cannot sleep, but the night is as the day.

Going once to a Lecture, and hearing a Minister speaking of the signs of a Child of God, and he answering a Christians complaint, as concerning his sins; But how, says he, dost thou wear them? as a Gold chain, or ornament, or as an Iron chain, and as Fetters that manacle thee, and as that thou would'st fain be rid of, &c? This, though very sad, and much troubled before, so that she was loath to have gone, What should such a one as I do going? I shall but fill up room, and do no good, &c. Yet this so comforted her, that, said she, I even laughed for joy; and though going late, I stood all the while, yet after that I was not weary.

I am much troubled at my unbelief, impatiency. And she being once in a special manner but tempted to a sin, she had such an abhorrency thereof, that it eaus'd her, as she told me, to shed a Thousand tears; and it was as if a Sword had been run into her, &c. And how often did she complain, not of her sikness, but sius, &c?

3. As concerning Satans temptations, and his fierce onsets formerly.

WHen I was very young, I had sometimes neglected prayer, and I dream'd one night, the Devil was pulling me to Hell, and I trembled, and quak'd, and methoughts I was even at the Pits brink; but some Scriptures comforted me; and afterward to prevent the same, I would get Scriptures by heart, when I went to bed.

Satan hath often formerly much troubled me, and I have been afraid of that roaring Lyon, that when I went to sleep, he would devour me; but the Lord (methoughts) told me, though he was mine enemy, yet he was in Chains, and so I have found him; me thought I saw him at my Bed-side, and he snarl'd at me, &c. but was as a Mastiffchain'd, &c.

[Page 10]Being one Night, now long since, in extremity of pain, Satan set on her with all his might, and she had a sore and grievous conflict, [December 24. 1653,] I was called up, and found her in so great a conflict, that the very Bed did shake under her, and she was also withall under sad desertions; for God seem'd also to hide his face from her; and oh says she unto me, speaking of Satan, he frighted me, he roared upon me, like a roaring ramping Lyon; he made my bones to shake, and my heart to quake and tremble within me; he told me God would not hear me, though I called on him, and cried unto him: and now says she to me, we must part, and God seemeth to hide his face from me, and these are but the beginning of sorrows, I have grievous pains in my breasts, but in a few hours I shall have worse, my sins are so many, &c. Behold, said I to her, The Lamb of God that takes away the sin of the world, John 1.29, But I cannot behold him, &c. But blessed be God, though this assault was sudden, and very sore and sharp, especially being at such a time, when under such grievous pains, it was but short; for after I had spoken a while to her, she recovered some sense of Gods favour, her pains were eas'd, and Satan rebuked all at once, And O what a change was there! her extremity was Gods opportunity. Psal. 30, 5, For his anger endureth but a moment. In his favour is life. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. But here it did not indure for a whole night, but joy came before the morning: and her sighing was turn'd into singing; her mourning into musick; and her tears into triumph: and the fiercer was the storm, the sooner was a clam; and the sorer the conflict, the sooner was the conquest. He is (said she) my God, though he seem to hide his face from me, and I shall see him again; and though he kill me, I will trust in him, &c. Dost not thou, said I to her, believe, whom he loves, he loves to the end? I do, said she, believe, Lord help thou my unbelief. I have often beaten Satan back with the Sword of the Spirit, and he hath gone away like a Coward, though he hath brought Scripture too, &c.

Satan would have perswaded me once, I loved the Word only as it came from thee, not for its own sake; then I heard it from another, but he told me he was a noted man, and one whom I knew; then I heard it from a stranger, and some others, and then I told him he was a Lyar, &c.

But blessed be God, he was pleas'd in her last sickness, weakness, and great pains, in a great measure wholly to chain up Satan; only towards her latter end, because of her great weakness, she being not able at length to bear it that I should pray by her, he would have perswaded her, that I thought it was be­cause she did not love prayer, &c. but that she quickly was satisfied concerning, and got over.

She desired me formerly to bless her God with her, that he was pleased in any measure to tread down Satan, her strong, busy, subtle enemy, under her feet, and to give her some more cause of joy; and oh that my sins (said she) may not cause God to let him loose again upon me, &c.

4. As concerning her patient and quiet submission under the af­flicting hand of God.

SHE had frequently such humble and submissive expressions, as did abundantly declare and evidence the same: to mention some of them, as that of Eli, 1 Sam. 3.4. It is the Lord, let him do what seemeth him good. My God in Covenant, and I would be satisfied with his will, and desire earnestly to submit to it; and oh my God, my Father, not my will, but thy will be done; thy will is better than mine, the best will. Being call'd upon to sleep, she replied, it is better suffering the Will of God, than sleeping. I would do the Will of God, but he will have me suffer it. I will bear the indignation of the Lord, &c, I de­sire to resign my will to the Will of my heavenly Father; and commend my Spirit into his hand, as into the hand of a faithful Creatour.

The Lord hath given me a quiet submission to his Will, and this bears me up, and makes me walk cheerfully under all; yea it is, as it were, meat, and drink, and all to me, &c.

I go up and down, and say, this is my Fathers Will that it should be so, and I should else (it may be) forget my latter end, &c.

The Lord hath made my chain heavy, but I would not complain; we may speak to God, but not against God for a thousand worlds.

My pain is so great sometimes, that I cannot be merry; but I submit, and am content to bear what God shall lay upon me; all of you wait patiently. I am willing to wait.

Though my pains be so great and so frequent, yet when they are but a little off I am cheerful, I cannot but wonder at my self.

Being asked how she found her spirit, she answered, I bless God in a sweet, willing, submissive frame to his Will: and O! how sweet and blessed a thing is it, to have a quiet submissive frame of heart to the Will of God. I am sure I have found by experience, that when the Lord hath given me an heart willing to submit to his Will, sickness of body hath been but a light burden. I would fain get patiently to my journeys end: Yet a little while he that shall come, will come, and will not tarry.

My Life is labour and sorrow, wearisom days and nights are appointed unto me, yet I am willing to submit to Gods Will, and to stay longer, and to bear more, if he will have me: The Lord fit me by all, for himself, God sees I have need of all this. Oh! the bitterness of sin, &c.

If I have more work to do, he can raise me up again; but if my work be done, I submit to the Will of my God, &c The good Lord help us to cast our burdens upon him, and then as he hath promised, we may hope he will sustein us, Psal. 55.22. O! in a submissive frame of heart is much comfort, &c.

5. As concerning her great zeal for the Glory of God.

GOD can raise me up again, if it may be for his Glory; for his Glory: that she repeated again and again, and that (said she) I look at most: the Glory of my good God, that I prefer before my ease and comfort in the World; and am willing to live, if I may honour him more: and I am afraid, lest I should dishonour him by distrusting him.

If I do not go home now, but must stay still, I desire it may be to the Glory of God, to be a greater blessing to my Relations, and to get clearer evidences for Heaven, &c.

So tender was she of the honour of God, that when, says she, carnal people come to see me, though I am ill and weak, yet I strive all I can then to bear up, and to be cheerful; for why should they think the God of Israel is not a good God, &c?

I am willing to live, if I may honour my God more, and do him better ser­vice, and receive more good, then I desire he would spare me, &c. but if he please not to prolong my life, I desire to submit to his Will.

I am afraid lest I should dishonour him by thinking my time long▪ &c.

Where she lived before, there being an Ale-house at next door where God was much dishonoured, and his Name blasphemed, it was a very great trouble and affliction to her; and when she was removed (though by reason of her great weakness and illness, it was not without much danger and difficulty) she very much rejoyced that now she should not dye among swearers and blas­phemers.

O, says she, that we could more and more depend upon our good God, and honour him more in a way of believing, who hath manifested himself a God so ready to help and deliver his poor Servants in the time of their streights. O that I could more and more honour him; and it is the grief of my soul when any distrustful thoughts do arise; and my great fear is, lest I should dishonour God, either by distrust or impatiency. When thou art absent, I want thy company, but yet am contented; may it be for Gods Glory, and then it will be for our mutual good, &c.

6. As concerning her thankfulness, and her being much in bles­sing and praising God

ALways when I awake, the first word I say is, Blessed be God: if I be at ease I bless him, and if in pain, I bless him it is no worse; and I find much comfort in blessing of God, and trusting in him. And if God sees it good I should yet live, I would live to praise him, and speak good of his name.

I bless God he helps me to bear what he lays upon me.

I bless God my pains are not so great to day as they have been, now my strength is less.

[Page 13]Dost not thou see God is making my passage ea sie? I bless God.

Blessed be the Lord for ever, that he will take such pains with such a poor worm, to fit me for Heaven: He is a God at hand, and not a far off, neither hath been as a stranger; he hath given me much patience, and quiet submissi­on to his Will all along, to him be the glory thereof.

When I am in great extremity, and never a part free, yet blessed be God he lays no more on me, then he inables me to bear. I bless God I find much com­fort in my soul, which does much support me.

Fearing she might too much waste her spirits with speaking, I desired her to forbear; but I cannot (said she) but speak good of my God, whiles I can speak.

When I am gone, though God should bring further affliction upon thee and thy family, yet be thankful, whatever you do be thankful.

Being one night under grievous pains, she quietly resign'd her self up to God, saying, if he please to give me rest I will thank him; if not, I will submit to him. That night prov'd a comfortable night to her, &c.

She would often have that expression, I desire to bless our good God, and to be very thankful to our good God; that word, good God. she often had, and what do I do complaining, when I have enjoyed so much health, &c. But it was not much she ever injoyed; but a little is much to a truly thankful heart, who looks upon it self as never deserving the good it re­ceives, but more than deserving the evil it suffers: and he also turning that unto good.

Thus that which is her whole work now in Heaven, was much her work here on Earth, to be blessing, and praising, and giving thanks to God, and that in every thing, even when God was sharply afflicting her. She had her Psalms of praise in the wilderness, her songs in the night. What then has she now in that inheri­tance of the Saints in light? She glorified God in the fires. Isa. 25.15. That is, in, and under great afflictions. What does she now in that place of refreshings? Those Angels and heavenly Heroes about the Throne, whom she is now prai­sing, and singing Hallelujah's with in Heaven, she much conformed to, even here on Earth, here below, and now she is wholly taken up with that blessed delightful work above: where it is Hallelujah, and again Hallelujah, Blessing, honour, glory and power, be unto him that sitteth upon the throne, and unto the Lamb for ever and ever. Amen. Rev. 5.13.

7. As concerning her weanedness from the World.

I am leaving this pitiful poor world, this low valley, the Lord hath weaned me from the things here below; I could not say what it was I delighted in here, but my delight was in God, and in his sweet Word, &c.

When I lived in the Countrey, the Casement being one day open, I was [...]ooking into the Garden, and I thought, thus with my self, Many they [Page 14]much delight in Gardens, and Flowers, &c. but methinks I have no delight in these, nor in any outward thing; though the most I have had in any out­ward thing, hath been in Gardens, and to walk in the Fields.

Trouble me no more with these things, I am now leaving all here below, let me only mind now, how to get to that heavenly Sion above, &c.

I am seeking a City to come, an habitation with God, in whose presence is ful­ness of joy, and at whose right band are pleasures for evermore, Psal. 16.11.

Thus her way was above, and she was still looking not at the things which are seen, which are temporal, but at the things which are not seen, which are eternal, 2 Cor. 4.18. By faith she overcame the world, and was carried after higher and bet­ter things, even those things hoped for, and not seen, which Faith is the substance and evidence of, Heb. 11.1. These things were poor, mean, low, vile things to her; better being discovered, even spiritual, heavenly and eternal, the things within the vail. She was cloth'd with the Sun, had true faith in Christ the Sun of righteousness, with which she was adorn'd; and now the Moon, the World, and all the mutable things thereof are under her feet, and she treads on the worlds trash, &c.

8. As concerning her Humility, Meekness, Lowly-mindedness, Charity, &c.

I Am a dry stick, a worm, a poor worm, a poor worthless worm, I have nothing; but in Christ I have all. And his yoke she had taken upon her, Matt. 11.29, and learn'd of him the lesson of meekness and lowly-mindedness. There is, says she, a little Gold, and a great deal of Dross.

Hearing how ill another was, what am I (she replied) better than she? I am a poor worthless worm.

She said of her Silk-Gown, it was but the work of a worm to cloath a worm, &c.

As she lived privately, she desired to be buried privately.

When Servants proved bad, she would reflect upon her self, and say, I have not my self been to God so good a Servant as I should and ought to have been, &c.

When others sin, I am willing to reflect on my self, and look back into mine own heart, and there to see the same sin. And speaking of Mercies and Bles­ings, she would often say, if my sins do not hinder.

I was willing to do good to the poor, and such as stood in need.

I often thought, I might spare this, and that, and the other, that so I might distribute to such, &c.

Indeed her expressions, carriages, behaviours and converses, were still such as savoured of humility, and abundantly evidenced the same; and that she was not only humble, but clothed with humility, as the Apostle Peter exhorts▪ 1 Pet. 5.5. she was humility all over, it was her wear, her garment, and her great ornament too. Oh! what low thoughts had she of her self, and what [Page 15]vilifying and abasing expressions would she have of her self, when she shone brightest in the eyes and aspect of others? She was dark and obscure as to her self, truly poor in spirit, preferring others before her self; but the more despi­cable she was in her own eyes, the more precious no doubt she was in Gods eyes; there being no grace which more recommends us to God than humility, as there is no vice more abominable than pride. God had richly adorn'd her with the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of so great price, 1 Pet 3.4.

9. As concerning her firm trust, and aff [...]ance in God, in her affliction.

SHE having a very sick night, when she was in greatest extremity, she said, Though he kill me, yet will I trust in him: and this she often said. And the Lord hath helped me, and will help me; my God hath and will strengthen me; Though I walk through the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, &c. There is a dark Entry to go through (Death) but God shall carry me through it. And God will send his Angels to conveigh my soul to Heaven. And I know my Re­deemer liveth, and that I shall live with him there, where he now intercedes at Gods right hand for poor creatures, for me also, &c.

The Lord has, does, and will comfort me; he is an Almighty, Alsufficient and Unchangeable God, he once said so to me when I was ready to despair, &c. He is my rock, my fortress, my high tower, &c.

I am like a Ship, sometimes under the waves, but it appears again.

I would cast all my cares and burdens upon the Lord, and I would that all that fear him would do so; and if not, they will bear the shame and reproach thereof.

My time seems to tarry; and when in extremity, I am ready to say, how [...]ong! but the time appointed for deliverance, and times of refreshing will come, &c.

Waiting on God, truly it is that which I earnestly desire, to be always do­ [...]ng, and that with delight. Oh! that we could look up to him, and wait on him, and make him our heaven and happiness, who is the heaven and happiness of his people. The Lord delighteth in those that fear him, in those that hope in his mercy, Psal. 147.11,

10. As concerning her whole reliance on Jesus Christ alone, for Life and Salvation.

I Rest, and rely wholly, and only on Jesus Christ my dear sweet Saviour, Advocate and Mediator.

I see nothing in my self to trust in; but I bless God I have good hope through Jesus Christ.

I have indeavoured in times of health, to build on that Rock, that when [Page 16]storms came I might be born up. My Redeemer hath perfected my peace in Heaven, and is now in Heaven making intercession for me. I am a poor worm, I have nothing, but in Christ I have all; justification by his merit, sanctification by his spirit; and he hath purchased for me eternal Life and Salvation.

Asking her if she did not find much comfort within, she answered I do, blessed be God, in, and through Jesus Christ who gave himself a ransom for me. About him I will clasp, and will not let go.

Having once been speaking to me of Gods gracious dealings with her, and what God had wrought in her, and what comfortable evidences she had for Heaven, after all, I said to her, My Dear, dost rest in these? Rest? No, no, I rest only on Jesus Christ, and if I perish, I'le perish in his arms, I'le lye at his feet, at his feet: But I speak of these, as some poor weak evidences; but though weak, yet true, I dare not belye my own soul: I could not speak of these to others, but only to thee, my Dear, my Heart, my Self, and I speak of them, not as boasting, but I desire thy approbation, and I hope God will not cast me off, but gather me to himself, and come life come death, it shall be well with me. Being asked what she would have? She answered Jesus Christ, and him alone. And indeed affliction sanctified, makes to see emptiness in e­very thing, but in Jesus Christ, in the enjoyment of whom is full satisfaction, and who is a Christians all, and in all, and in whom alone he is compleat, Col. 3.11—2.10.

11. As concerning her earnest desires of the good of the souls of her Children.

I Would willingly live to bring up my Children, and if I could but see Christ form'd in them, then I could say, Lord now lettest thou thy poor ser­vant depart in peace.

I travel in birth again, as it were of my Children, till Christ be formed in them, I exceedingly desire the good of their souls, and I am almost impatient of delay, as I go up and down, I say, Lord when shall it once be? and how shall I see the destruction of their souls and bodies both. When shall I have real cause of joy?

She formerly weeping over one of her little ones, was asked why she wept, she answered, because I would fain live to bring it up in the fear of the Lord, &c.

One of her Daughters formerly being very sick and weak, oh how solli­citous was she of her eternal welfare? how earnestly did she breathe out her desires for her, that the good Lord would have pity and compassion on her, and that he would please to fit her for himself, and that if he took her out of this miserable sinful world, he would take her to himself, in whose presence is fulness of joy, &c. and oh that when ever he takes her out of my poor bosom, he would take her into his own.

The good Lord help me to discharge my duty to all my relations.

[Page 17]She thus once declar'd her self to one of her daughters, I would have you labour to be very good; be sure you do not neglect to read and pray by your self morning and evening; and labour to mind what you are come into the world for. Endeavour to get the Lord for thy God; make him the chief of thy joy and delight. When thou art to pray, or read, or hear the Word, look upon those services as thy priviledg, not as thy task; as thy duty, and yet as thy dignity, that thou maist go to the great God of Heaven and Earth, as to a gracious and loving Father in Christ. When thou findest thy heart backward to any good duty, go to God, and beg of him to help thee, and quicken thee, &c. Be cheerful and mind thy duty to God; the good Lord bless thee, and do thy poor soul good; so shall it be well with thee for ever. Good Child don't neglect to read and pray, &c. The Lord bless you and keep you, bless your soul with spiritual blessings, that you may be still doing something to further your souls good.

Another of her Daughters she thus bespake. Redeem all the time that pos­sible you can, to secret prayer; and often read the Scriptures, which will make you wise to salvation, and will afford you pleasure, at the last, when all things here will fail. I shall pray for thee and thy dear Sisters, that you may all grow in all the graces of the spirit, and may be wrought, and made meet for the heavenly glory, &c.

12. As concerning her care to prepare for the Sabbath, and her great love to Gods Ministers, Word Preached, and Ordi­nances, &c.

IN preparing for the Sabbath, I have then been up, when others in the Fa­mily, where I have been, have been in bed.

Of late, by reason of my illness and weakness, I have lain sometimes longer on Sabbath-day mornings than ordinary; but it hath troubled me; and the Reason was, because sleeping little in the night; I found when I rose earlier, I was ready afterwards to be sleepy, and more unfit for Gods service: But if when I had more time, and health, and strength, I had not been more abun­dant in the service of God, and more earnest after Heaven and the things of Heaven, than I can be now, my spirit would even sink within me.

Gods Ministers I love dearly, yea, so dear are they to me, that it does me good to see their faces, and I could even fall down and kiss their feet, and compel them to come into my house; and methinks my house is the better, when they have been in it. Oh I dearly love them.

Being, when I was in the Country, invited on a Lecture-day by an ho­nourable person to Dinner, the best feast which I had that day, was at the hearing of the Word; for I had it made appear to me there, that I had made entrance into Heaven. and I was so comforted, that I could have found in my heart to have fallen down at the Ministers feet and have thanked him. It did me good at Dinner to hear him speak, &c.

[Page 18]I have never been better satisfied, nor pleas'd, than when I have been hear­ing the Word Preached, and meditating on it, and conferring with the peo­ple of God, and praying in secret, and hearing counsel and direction for my soul; and it has been my prayer, as I have been going to hear, that God would make out some counsel and instruction, or reproof, to me: and the Lord hath heard me, counselled me, and comforted me.

I do so love the word of God, it is so sweet to me when I meditate on it, and I do so love Gods Ministers, and it does so rejoice me to think of Mr. Merrills coming to my House. (A worthy Minister in the Country deoeased) I hope he will come; I must say as Lidia to Paul, If you have judged me to be faithful to the Lord, come into my house, &c. And tell him if I dye, I would not have him neglect any more to see such as do so much desire to see him as I do: I long to see him, &c. He is an eminent Minister, one who is firm to his principles, fears neither mens frowns, nor regards their smiles, &c. He hath been instrumen al of much good and comfort to my soul; God was the efficient, he the instrument, &c. I cannot see, how the prizing of Gods Word, and not to prize Gods Ministers, can stand together. I am sure I prize both, and pray that God would incou­rage his Ministers. Ordinances have been very sweet to me: God in and by them hath come to me, and met me, that I could say with Pe­ter, It is good for me to be here. And I have thought the time very short I have been hearing, the word hath so comforted-me: I have gone under trouble, but have return'd refreshed. Being one day very ill, and desiring her to stay at home, she answer'd, that must be the last place I go to. And in a sickness before, she said it grieves me I went no longer, though she went longer than well she could. Oh! how much did she rejoyce? and how glad was she to go into the House of the Lord? How blessed did she count those who dwelt there! Oh! I made account (said she) to be ready betimes, and I shan't get in. &c. How ready and willing was the spirit, when the body was weak! I got cold, says she, by going at such a time to hear, but I do not repent, for I had a sweet refreshing there, blessed be God.

Thus how lovely, amiable, and desirable to her were the Tabernacles of the Lord of hosts! And how did her soul long, yea, even saint for his courts I How truly might she say with David, Psal. 26.8, Lord, I have loved the habitation of thy house, and the place where thine konour dwelleth; and one thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after, that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to bekold the beauty of the Lord, &c. And how truly might she call Sabbaths and Ordinances her delight! she had there seen God and his face, his power and glory, his goings in his sanctuary; yea, Sabbaths were to her as the Subburbs of Heaven. Ordinances are not in Heaven, but Heaven she hath many a time met with in Ordinances: and she drinks but that Wine new now in Heaven, which she began to drink in Ordinances here, Matt. 26 29.

13. As concerning some further evidences for Heaven.

I Have a great deal of comfort in this, That I am as willing to take Christ for my Lord, as for my Saviour and that I desire and endeavour; to my utmost to obey him, and have heart-risings against sin, both in my self and in others; and desire to hate and abhor all appearances of sin.

I have desired to walk before the Lord in uprightness, and have walked with God sincerely, though not perfectly; and I would not offend God, nor dishonour him, but have desired to glorify him, ob [...]y him, and to be ruled and governed by him, &c.

In hearing the Word, I have been glad of rebukes, as well as promises.

I love all the people of God, even those I never saw.

I am sometimes much troubled for my lukewarmness, that I do no more honour God, &c. but this upholds me, I look upon it with grief; I would more honour God, and do him better service, and I dislike it I do no more.

I have been ready to think sometimes I do not love God, because I am no more in communion with God; I love thee, and delight in thy Compa­ny; but thus I recover my self, That I desire to have more communion with God, and I am still lifting up my heart to him, and I love those that are his; and when nothing else, yet love to the Saints stays me. We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren, &c. 1 John 3.14.

I shall not change my company though my place; but those I delighted in here, I shall go to when I dye.

Having little opportunity of communion with the Saints, I was once rea­dy to think, if I had more communion with them, it may be I should have less communion with God; but going abroad, God convinced me of the con­trary: for I found my self much quickned by that Christian communion I had, and it made me to delight more in communion with God.

She was very desirous and sollicitous of Sions welfare; the Church of God bore much upon her spirit, she much rejoyced she lived to hear of the di­scovery of the late hellish Plot of the Papists. She said, she had earnestly prayed that God would discover the plots of his enemies, and now he hath heard my prayers; and if (she said) we had but more faith, and could but more trust in God, it would be better. Our sins indeed are great, but Gods mercies greater. She had still a firm confidence God would bring down his enemies, &c. Let us pray earnestly, and wait patiently, and Stons deliverer will appear in due time, &c.

14. As concerning what it was which comforted her in all her afflictions, and in, and under all her pains, sicknesses, and weaknesses.

15. As concerning her carnest desires to be dissolved, &c.

IF the Lord sees good, I would fain depart, and leave this body of death: when will God send his Messenger? Is this the night I must depart hence? O! what joyful news would that be! another night! Surely this is the night God will call me home. Come Lord Jesus, come quickly, make kast, make hast. O my God, when wilt thou come? O when will that sweet day come? I hope it is now nigh, what a joyful time will that be, to have a total vi­ctory over sin.

I am now going to be married, and the Wedding-knot will be tied for, everlasting. When will my God come? What a deal of do is here for my soul to get out of this carcass? and how much a do have I to get loose? But these shall meet again. I earnestly desire, earnestly desire, to be clothed upon with that house which is from Heaven, &c. When will my Father send his Waggons to fetch me? And telling her she was as a Ship at the Downs, waiting for a fair Gale of Wind; but when says she will that blessed Gale come? And speaking to her of her going to Heaven, to her Fathers House, she replied, she feared not yet, Lord send me safe thither. And when through weakness, we could scarce understand what she said, she breath'd home, home, home; and seem'd troubled, when any said they hoped she might recover again, &c.

16. As concerning the ends and reasons of her so earnest desires to be dissolved.

UPon serious consideration, I found, that the end why I desired to dye, it was not to be freed of my pains, or troubles, but that I might be freed of sin, and no more dishonour God, and that I might injoy more of him, and be no more discontented under his hand, which I am sometimes ready to be.

I would fain go to Heaven, and long to be in Heaven, Why? Because then I should be freed of Satans temptations, and sin no more; and that I might have more time to serve God; and I am troubled I can have no more here; but then I should do nothing but serve God, &c. And oh! what a mercy and happiness would it be to me, if my work was done, to be gone! &c.

I am afraid lest I should desire to dye to be freed of my pains; but I would desire to dye out of love to God, and that I may injoy him, and be rid of sin more than sorrow; and then our graces shall be perfect, know­ledg perfect, love perfect, &c.

17. As concerning her being above the fears of death.

SOmetimes formerly she has not (though seemingly near to death) been so willing to dye, but would say, Will not God make me more willing to dye before I dye? Surely he will, I have been more willing, &c. And so he did in this her last sickness, whereby we might have foreseen her death to have been near.

Asking her whither she was not afraid of death, she replied, no I am not; I do not look upon death singly, but as it brings me to rest: I must go through that dark entry, before I can get to my Fathers house. I shall go to my first husband, &c.

Methoughts I saw death, as a Messenger, coming for me, and I told him, I would go with him. I thought I should have died such a day, and me­thoughts I was troubled to think of living. When she was in pain, she used to say, Is not the sound of his Masters feet behind? Physick won't do, &c. And this she speak, as being little concerned therewith. She said of her sickness, these are but Messengers to bid me prepare, &c. I bless God, I can smile on that grim Messenger, God will send his Angels to conduct me safe through that dark entry, to my Fathers House. A Child is afraid to go through a dark place by himself; but God says, Fear not, for I am with thee, &c. I am not afraid of death; but my passage to my fathers House is rough: But having gotten so far onward in my way, I am loath to go back again. If that sweet Messenger come, I will bid him wellcome and shall rejoyce; and if you love me indeed, you will rejoyce too.

[Page 27]I am no more afraid of Death; than to take the choicest Cordial that is for my good; for so is death, and I look through it, and beyond it, and long to be with my dear Lord and Saviour. My Children are loath to look out my burial-clothes, but they are my wedding-clothes, and I hope my Bridegroom is not far of, &c.

Telling her of a friend that would come to see her, she replied, she will come to my burial. Why, said I, saist thou so? She answered, why should I not comfort my self, that I am going home? I long to be at home, we shall meet again. How sweet will that sleep be, when I shall wake in Heaven? Seeing one of her Daughters weep, why says she weep you? would you not have me go to my Father? He is sending his holy Angels for me. Are they not all ministring spirits, sent forth to minister for them who shall be beirs of salvation, Heb. 1.14. I have one night less, I bless God, to be here, where is sin and sorrow.

Seeing Cordial-water brought for her, she said, she hoped she should not live to drink up half that water: and being to take a Powder, she asked if it was to sweeten her passage, then she would take it, but not to stay it; but what God will. I can scarce swallow my spittle, a comfortable fore­runner I hope of death. And her pains falling into her joynts, she rejoy­cingly said, there was something further to help her forward to her jour­neys end. Death is indeed a sowre Messenger, but my Fathers Messenger to fetch me home.

She speaking of her death, and how she would have things ordered at her Funeral, she spake thereof with a great deal of joy and rejoycing; but perceiving me to be troubled, she looked smilingly upon me, and said, I can with as much joy, yea with more joy speak of my burial-clothes, than ever the day before I was married I could of my wedding-clothes. I shall be cloth'd with the White Robe of Christs righteousness, and have a Diadem upon my head, &c.

18. Some few of her breathings, as in reserence to her self.

SHould I not make my moan to my God? The Lord give me more pati­ence, that I may not dishonour him now at last; my God teach me, teach me as well as correct me, strengthen me, &c.

I want nothing but a thankful fruitful heart, an heart more humble, ho­ly, and more to honour God: I would have more grace, more faith, pa­tience, meekness, humility, more of Heaven, more holiness, more likeness to God; and I beg praiers, that the Lord would fit me for what his will is concerning me, and inable me to bear what he is pleas'd to lay upon me. I am weak, but he is strong; my strength fails, but his never fails. Good Lord help me to be still carrying on my great work, &c. And oh that I might lose nothing in this hot furnace but dross. But why say I hot? It is no other than what my Father sees good, and all shall work together for [Page 28]my good, if my corruptions hinder not; I am so afraid they should, but I earnestly desire they may not, and I hope the Lord will rather answer my desires, than let it be according to my fears. Lead me to the rock that it higher than I. The good Lord fi [...] us for what his good pleasure is, and for the greatest trials that can come. Here we have no continuing City, the good Lord help us to be seeking one to come, a City that hath foundations, &c. The Lord fit us for the day of our death, that it may be a good day to us. The good Lord sanctifie all his fatherly corrections to me, and grant I may by all be made the more meet to partake of the inheritance of the Saints in light: that we may live to honour our good God all our days, that so when our Lord comes, we may be found of him in peace.

The Lord help us to get our hearts into an heavenly frame, that our me­ditations may be more of those things that concern our souls, and will sland us in stead to all eternity, &c.

19. Some of her Speeches to, and Prayers for her Husband, as in reference to himself and Children formerly.

MY Dear, be not melancholly, but still wait upon God, rest quietly upon him, he that hath fed us, cloth'd us, and provided for us, will still I hope do it. My Dear, be not sad, or troubled, but cast thy burdens upon the Lord, he will sustain thee: The good lord help us to exercise faith and patience. O that we could live more a life of faith and holiness, and more sweetly and freely depend upon our good God, who never fails his poor Children in any time of need: O let us cast all our care upon God, who hath, and will care for us and ours.

God hath been a long while weaning thee from me, we must part, but we shall after a little while meet again: Resign thy will up to Gods Will, be willing to part with me, that is the way still to have me, &c.

I am in a streight (this was many years since) willing to leave a world of sin, and a body of sin, and willing to be in Heaven, where I may sin no more, nor sorrow no more; but sorrow no more, that's the least, where I may serve God without distraction, and always be in his presence, and among the spirits of just men made perfect. O it is sweet being there, and yet I am willing to stay, knowing the need my dear Husband and Children will have of me, &c. Indeed I have been able to do little for them, but my earnest prayers have been for them, and my tender affections towards them, especially for their eternal wellfare and happiness; and though I have not done so much as I would have done, and desired to do; yet this is my com­sort. I did what I could, yea more, many times, than this poor carcass could well indure: and this is my comfort, I bless God.

Before ever I first came to thee, I sought God to direct me, and desired it might not be, if it was not for his glory and both our comforts; and that which made me willing to enter into that condition, it was, because [Page 29]God would have it so, otherwise I considered, what might have discouraged me from it, as hindrances in the service of God, losses and crosses, care to bring up Children, and then grief to part with them, &c. The first time I went to speak with her, I found she was at prayer, (as to that great con­cern) to that God who makes all meetings and relations happy by the en­joyment of himself.

The Lord will provide for thee, and will not leave thee, nor forsake thee: in nothing be careful with any distracting care; faith leaves? Christian nothing to do but to pray and give thanks: if I leave thee, God will not leave thee, but visit thee with his loving-kindness: if he take away a crazy broken Cistern, he will be a fountain of living waters. Fear not but God will tread down thy spiritual ene­mies, and therefore cease not to wrestle, and strive, and watch, and pray: O that we could always remember we are born Soldiers the good Lord help us to fight the good fight of faith, that we may lay hold on eternal life, &c.

God hath blessed thy ministry to me; and what thou didst Preach as con­cerning the loving-kindness of God, as being better than life, it was very sweet in the Preaching of it, and it is so now in my own experience; and it was not in vain that God put thee also upon that subject, Psal. 73.26, My flesh and my heart faileth, but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever. For when is a time to make use of God as our portion, but in a time of affliction? then to trust in his all sufficiency, to submit to his will, &c?

I love thee dearly, I love thy soul, and pray for the good of it, as much as my own; I can say more than my own; God is thy God, and will be thy God, and the God of thy seed; I trust my dear Children and Husband with him, he will take care of them, and provide for them.

I am going home, going home to my Fathers house, I must go. &c. Where are my dear Children, will they not follow after me to Heaven?

Wait on God, God is good to them that wait for him, &c. he is a God at hand, &c. he will make thy Children blessings to thee, labour to bear up thy spirits, the Lord help thee so to do, and cast thy self and thy affairs up­on the Lord. &c. The Lord counsel comfort, support and direct thee in all thy ways. The Lord do thee and thine good, and multiply on you his bles­sings spiritual and temporal, and give thee to submit to his will. The Lord help thee in thy work, and make it prosperous and successful, and prepare us for the doing and suffering of his most holy will, whatever it be. The Lord prepare thee to part with me, and me to resign my self up to him, as into the hand of a faithful Creator. The Lord make our souls prosperous, the outward man is but for a little while.

Lord keep my dear Husband by thy power, &c. and my dear Children, that they may walk uprightly before thee, and do thy pleasure, and submit to thy will; and whatever they do here, Heaven will be enough hereafter. The Lord recompence all thy labour of love to me, &c. The good Lord bless you, and keep you, and cause his face to shine upon you, and give you inward joy and peace, the light of his countenance, which is better than any thing here, &c. And Lord keep thy Ministers, hold them fast in thy hand, and tread their enemies [Page 30]down as mire; preserve the Gospel. O the Gospel for my poor Childrens sake, that though I go, that may continue still to mine, &c. O that we may be kept by the mighty power of God, through faith unto salvation. The good Lord still follow thee with loving-kindness and tender mercies all thy days, &c.

20. Some of her Speeches and Prayers very lately, and a little before her Death.

MY Dear, I have but a few days now to be with thee, and when by reason of thy being abroad, I cannot see thee, nor injoy thy Company so much as I would, I comfort my self with this, I shall one day injoy thee again, and we shall ever be together.

I must declare this. That thou hast been a dear, loving, faithful Husband to me, and I have received much comfort by thy Preaching, Praying, and what thou hast spoken to me, and God hath a blessing in store for thee; for many are blessing God for thee, &c. And I bless God for thee, but can't speak much now; the Lord hath made thy ministry abundantly comfortable to me, abun­dantly, abundantly, and I have come home full of joy, and I have told thee, one shove more would have put me into Heaven, &c. But since I came to Lon­don, and could not have the opportunity to hear thee as formerly, God hath made others ministry, especially Dr. Jacombs very comfortable to me.

Why art thou so sad? thou shouldest rejoyce, count it all joy when ye fall into diverse temptations, cast thy care upon God, and in nothing be troubled, he will pro­vide, he will not leave thee, &c. wouldest have me continue still in this misery and pain? We came together to part, and therefore let us part comfortably, we shall meet again, where we shall never part, I go a little before; thou lovest me, and wilt thou not let me go to my first Husband? I have another Husband, and if he send a Messenger for me, I must go, though I leave never such dear Relations here. Do as much work as thou canst for God, but do not over do, that thou maist hold out the longer.

The loss and hindrance I have been to my family, (she meant by reason of her long sickness) the Lord will make it up to thee and thy Children, do but trust in him, &c. The Lord will direct thee what to do; do not trouble thy self beforehand, he will make thy way plain before thee.

She spake to those about her as followeth.

Make Religion your business, walk with God, get a Covenant-interest in Christ, do not neglect secret prayer, I have found much comfort in it; prize the Word by which you may be saved, hear it as often as possibly you can, and hear it, and do it. Live comfortably and contentedly together. It is good to store up Cordials, and make provision against times of affliction, To give all diligence to make our calling and election sure; and we had need in times of health to provide for sickness and death, and all little enough. It is one thing to talk of death, and another thing to be willing to dye, &c.

I would have you all bless God, when I am gone, that I shall sin no more, [Page 31]sorrow no more, &c. She said to one of her Grandchildren about four years old, poor Child, the Lord give thee a Covenant-interest in himself. If I live I purpose to do my endeavour to teach thee to know God, and love God and Je­sus Christ; but if I dye, Sirs, do you take care, and let him not play on Sabbath-days, let all his play-things behind, &c. To her Daughters Maid, she said, be instructing these poor Children, learn them good things, &c. the Lord has a blessing in store for my Children and the little ones.

One of her Daughters being out of the Town, and supposing she should see her no more, Tell her (says she) I hope God will carry on the work he has begun, and give her grace to fear him, &c. I would have her labour to get that good work finished, and to eye God in all his dealings, and to do his will, to ask counsel of God for body and soul, for temporal and spiritual affairs and let her trust in God: Take heed, &c. God expects we should follow some employment here, and not to fall upon business causes to grow melancholly and discontent­ed; there are many snares in living out of a calling: An idle life is pleasing to the flesh, to take no care, nor pains; but it will be sad afterward, &c. my dear Husband, my dear Children, but I can't speak now, &c.

She prayed earnestly for her Husband, Children, little ones, and for Gods Mi­nisters, &c.

I pray all the blessings of Heaven may be upon thee, upon soul and body, and that he would make up the want of all Relations by himself. The Lord bless thee, the Lord bless thee out of Sion, and recompence all thy love to me a thousand­fold, with his tender compassions. The Lord prosper thee in the work of thy Ministry, that thou maist win many souls to him. The Lord make my Children truly gracious, and comforts to thee. The Lord give them grace, and the shi­nings of his face, and that will be better than the life of a Mother.

The Lord carry my Daughter Shayter (who was then near her time) through her great work, and bless thee my Son, and make my Daughter a blessing to thee; and the Lord bless the little one, and make it an Heir of Heaven, one of Christs Lambs. I leave my blessing and prayers for the little ones and you all. One of her Grandchildren coming to her, she said to him, Farwell my Lamb, my dear Lamb, farwell, farwell, the Lord make thee a comfort to thy Mother. And one of her Daughters being near her, she prayed, the Lord bless thee out of Sion, and give thee an everlasting Covenant-interest in himself, &c.

She prayed for Gods Ministers, That he would spare their lives, incourage them, and bless their labours, &c. More particularly for Dr. Jacomb, That God would bless him and his ministry, and recompence all the good he had done her; she much desired to see him once again, who coming to her, and praying with her, his praiers and presence were very refreshing to her.

Towards her end, she grew somewhat light-headed, but still had excellent ex­pressions, and spake sensibly of God, and the things of God; she often cryed. O my God, O my God pity me. O my God help me, for thy mercies and compassi­ous sake. Remember me, O my God, how long yet? O my God, have mercy on me, &c.

The day of my redemption draws nigh, and I am now near home, my God help me, help faith, &c. The fear of death is taken away, blessed be God, and the Lord [Page 32]does comfort me, and I am comforted within, and am glad I am going home, &c. She spake a great deal more, but we could not now well understand what she said. Now the doors began to be shut in the streets, as Solomon speaks (how good is it to open them to purpose whiles we may) and the daughters of musick to be brought low, and those that look out of the windows to be darkned, because she was near to her long home; but blessed be God not an everlasting home. December 13. she was under great pains, and groan'd much, and spake little, neither could what she spake be understood; but she often fixed her eyes stedfastly towards Heaven, for some time together: Afterward, going to prayer by her, and begging of God (if he saw it good) to release her, &c. she lift up her eyes and one of her hands toward Heaven, and the other hand, being in one of her Daughters hands, she pluck'd it out, and lift up that also, both eyes and hands with great earnestness and intenseness unto Heaven, where her soul was now near entring. I was with her that night till about twelve or one of the Clock, and not knowing how to bear it, to stay with her any longer, I then went (with a sad heart) away from her, not expecting to see her here any more alive; but blessed be God. I enjoyed her so long, so truly pious, prudent, loving, tender, careful, saithful, and dearly affectionate Wife; but though I departed from her, I left her with him, whose Angels were now waiting, ready to transport her soul into the bosom of her blessed Redeemer. But one of her Daughters remained still with her to the last, which was not long after I was gone away; her Daughter could not get her spirit willing at first to promise to bless God, if he would take her to himself; But when God had once brought her to be willing, she soon after, about two a Clock in the morning, December 14, 1678, expired, and went triumphingly to Heaven, an entrance being ministred to her abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of her dear Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. And thus she is now entred into peace, and is taken away, and secured from the evil to come; she is passed from earth to Heaven: and is departed out of this world to the father. She has left these bottoms of death, and this low valley of misery and tears, and is now gotten to those regions of joy and triumph, to those mountains of myrrhe, and hills of frankincense, those moun­tains of spices, or sweetnesses, which are cloathed with everlasting joys and de­lights, and on whose wealthy brows, nothing ever springs but life and glory: and where never any clouds or storms do once ever arise, interpose, or interrupt; where, like a thirsty Roe, or Hart, she was still aspiring, and panting to be and where now she is got, and where we leave her, even there where is nothing but rest, and light, and love, and delights, and fulness of joys, and crowns of life, and glory, perfect peace, and pleasures for evermore, incense, praises and hallelu­jahs, to him that sits upon the throne, and to the Lamb for ever and ever, Amen.

Soli Deo gloria in eternum.