WIT [...] ACCADEMY.
THE Wits Academy: OR, THE MUSES DELIGHT.
Consisting of merry Dialogues upon various occasions composed of Mirth, Wit, and Eloquence, for a help to discourse to such as have had but small converse with the critical sort of people, which live in this censorious Age.
AS ALSO, Divers sorts of Letters upon [...] occasions both merry and Jocose, helpful for the inexpert to imitate, and pleasant to those of better Judgement, at their own [...] to peruse.
WITH A perfect Collection of all the newest and best Songs, and Catches, that are, and have been lately in request at Court, and both the Theatres.
LONDON Printed, and are to be sold by most Booksellers in London and Westminster. 1 [...]77.
Licensed,
THE EPISTLE DEDICATORY TO THE READER.
WHen first you cast an Eye upon the Title Page of this small Volume be not too soon censorious [Page]in giving judgement to condemnation: for daily errours we do see committed, by those that rashly give their ill opinion of the outward shape, suggesting what they do not understand; for Fronti nulla Fides, is as true, as that we may observe amongst the Spanish Gentry, who line their garments with the richest Silk, when as the out-side is but mean and course. The Title of this Book I must confess is little different [Page]from that piece of weatherbeaten Antiquity, vulgarly known by that once famous Name of, The Academy of Complements; But turn aside the Frontispiece and read, beginning with the Dialogues, and so proceed till you have view'd all over, and the reason of your mistake will soon be unmasqu'd, for though Sub sole nihil novum est, yet this you will find to be far different from any other tract [Page]which has preceded of this Nature; exemplary works are for the most part very laudable, especially when we make an imitation on those which have been Famous, Learned, and Nobly extracted, &c. Yet in undertakings of this Nature, imitation is only deem'd to be the barren products of a thred-bare Fancy, and that which a Man can't properly call his own. As for the Dialogues and the Letters [Page]which are contained herein, I challenge as my own, scarce worth the owning; yet for divertisement (as it was with me when I writ them) I hope they'l please you, being either profitable or pleasant to each capacity. As for the Songs I lay not claim to all of them, for they are a Collection composed by the most pregnant and refined Wits of this Age; all which bound up together, I humbly present the [Page]Reader with, whose kind acceptance will be understood by his gratifying liberally the Book seller, and giving the unknown Authour a good report, who am yours,
MERRY DIALOGUES UPON VARIOUS OCCASIONS: Composed of Mirth, Wit, and Eloquence, for a help to Discourse, to such as have had but small Converse with the Critical Sort of People which live in this Censorious Age.
DIALOGUE 1. A loving Discourse betwixt Samuel and Sarah.
LOve is the cause I have so often made my addresses to you Madam, therefore let me beseech you not to disdain my present Suit.
You tell me much of Love, but that's a thing I never yet could understand.
The more is my grief, for if you knew it but half so well as I do, I am sure that you would incline your heart to pity my afflictions.
Why then it seems it is an affliction to be in Love, I am therefore glad I never yet knew what it was.
Yes Madam, 'tis a sorrow and a great affliction [Page 2]to be in Love, and not to be beloved again.
How's that Sir?
Ah Madam, too well I know it, and twil ell it you if you will give me leave.
Pray Sir, let me hear it.
The sad example which I now shall instance is my own self: I love you Madam, and have often told you so, but you have ever seem'd to slight my kind proffers of Love, to my great torment.
I know not what you mean: wherein have I ever slighted you, pray tell me Sir.
I will Madam: you know I have at several times told you that I loved you, and so well, as to marry you and make you my Wife.
And call you that love to marry you, and be your Wise, pray how do you make that appear to be love?
Yes, that is love to me, and the greatest love that tongue can e're express, if that you once would say, that you loved me well enough to be my Wife.
Why then, I find I do not yet know what love is, for I never could find in my heart to marry you; but pray tell me how you came to love me, and it may be after I hear how you began to love first, that I may learn to follow your example.
Madam, I know your pretended iggorance is but to mock your poor disconsolate Lover, one that adores you above all the World befides; but however, since you say that you will follow my example, in loving me as I love you, I must tell you, Madam, that the first time I ever saw your face, Cupid at that instant of time borrowed Arrows from your bright Eyes, and bending of his Bow, he shot me to the heart, that straight I fell in love with you, and ever since that I received this wound, my love-sick pains grew greater and greater, because you would not grant me love again.
Methinks you talk most strangely: you tell me of Cupid, pray what is he, and why does he keep a Bow?
Cupid, Madam, is the little god of Love, a Boy he is, whom the Poets relate to be blind; he has a Bow his Mother Venus gave him, and he borrows Arrows from young Ladies Eyes, and when he pleases to sport himself, he bends his Bow and shoots where he pleases, and where ever it hits, that person is so sorely wounded, that he can never rest night nor day, unless the Lady from whose Eyes the Arrows came, will grant him love again; which is my condition, and if you deny me love I shall be of all men most miserable.
But why do you speak to me Sir to cure you now you say you are wounded? you must apply your self to that Lady from whence the Arrows came, as for my part I am sure that I have no Arrows in me, nor I would not that there should be any there, for all the world; that were the way to kill me if I had Arrows in my Eyes: but if there be Ladies that have any such things that wound young men, and can also cure them, you had best to cease your discourse with me and seek till you find them out; as for my part (as I told you before) I declare that I keep no Arrows to hurt any one, neither (according to your own words) can I cure any that are so wounded.
Ah Madam, though we have hitherto discoursed after the Romantick Way and Mode, yet you well enough know my meaning; therefore, not to talk any longer at this distance, I must (with your pardon) tell you plainly that I love you Madam, and none but you alone; therefore pity my condition.
Since you have discovered your self to be 1 Lover, and for my sake, and not only now on a sudden, but a pretty while since, if I may believe you; [Page 4]but young men are so false, that I know not what to say to you.
You have tryed my constancy, for it is some years since (you know) I first offer'd the tenders of my love to you; and though you answer'd me still with flat denial, yet you see that I had not so slightly grounded my passion, as that your frowns as yet could make me have an ill opinion of your love.
Well, since you are resolved to proceed, and will take no denial, know then that I must try you further still; therefore prepare your self to answer me.
Speak boldly, Madam, and let your demands be ne're so difficult to perform, if they are in mans power to accomplish, you shall be obeyed, and Madam, gladly too, should you command me this very minute to be my own bloody Executioner.
No Sir, I wish you long may live and happy, but if you ere intend to be my Bridegroom you must—
What must I do, Madam? speak without fear, your will shall be my pleasure.
No, I am asham'd to tell you, but yet I can't forbear, but I must tell you, you must—
Dear Madam, speak and blush not.
Why this it is, you must come now and kiss me, and by that kiss swear, that within the space of six days you will marry me.
Auspicious Heaven, and all ye Powers above, to you on bended knees I first return my thankful Prayers! and next dear Madam, with humble gratitude, I at your feet do prostrate fall, where silence gladly shall shew I do consent; for words cannot express my present joy.
Rise, worthy Sir, you have deserved my love, nor could I longer keep you in despair; from hence call me your own.
My dearest onely Joy, you have now for ever blest me, this kiss shall usher in a thousand more; give me your hand Ile wait upon you home.
DIALOGUE II. A Discourse betwixt Corydon and Celia.
WHy dearest Celia should you prove so cruel to him that loves you more than life or any other thing that bears a name? a world of fighs and groans have fill'd the skyes with the Ecchoes of My Celia, Fair and Cruel Caelia; but no redress as yet I have found: then dain my pretty Paramour at length to smile upon distracted Corydon.
What means the Shepherd thus to trouble me, what Cruelties are these you speak of, for my part I know not of any unkindness that I ever shew'd to you? What is't you would have, tell me wherein that Caelia has been offensive to you, and without doubt a speedy recompence will be made you?
Oh would that Corydon could find it so as Celia has told him, soon my dearest Celia should know the cause of all my Miseries and Woes: You need not ask me Celia why I call you Cruel, my looks will tell you though my tongue be silent.
Indeed Corydon you do mistake my skill, for I am no good Physiognomist, neither did I ever pretend to it; therefore if you would that I be made sensible of your grief, you must tell it me downright, and then if it lies in my power to give you ease, and I deny it, you then will have just cause to call me cruel and not [Page 6]before: For no Doctor or Surgeon can tell how to apply any remedy to a Sick Patient, before he knows from whence his distemper springs.
You cannot be so ignorant as you pretend you are, I cannot think but that you know my grief; 'tis Love, my Dearest Celia, 'tis Love.
How Coryden, did you say Love, or did I mistake that word; speak it again?
Yes so I will, my Celia, for 'tis Love and the Love of you alone, that I, that I poor Shepherd langaith after thus.
And is it so? Do you Love me so well Corydon, that it makes you sick? Poor man why do you Love me so much then, cannot you forbear?
Yes I can forbear to live but not to love. Death will be a Welcome Guest to my discontented mind.
Oh Corydon, why do you talk of death, the very name of death affrightens me; prithee tell me Corydon, does love and death keep company together?
No Celia, Life and Love are companions together, and death associates himself with disdain: Do you not know I love you Celia?
Why what if you do love me, what then? I won't kill you. I hope every body loves me, I am sure my Father and Mother does, and what must I kill them too? God forbid.
Ah Celia thy pretty innocence does make me smile, I had thought thou hadst been more crafty, and by consequence more cruel, till now I hear thy answers; but tell me Celia doest thou love me, my sweetest?
Yes indeed do I Corydon, and have done, ever since you and I played together in our Church-Yard.
That's my good Girle, come and kiss me Celia.
Well, are you satisfied now, I hope you will not say I am cruel now, will ye Corydon?
No, no, my pretty Love; thou art kind to me now; come and let me kiss thee again.
No indeed but you must not.
Why didst not thou like the last kiss I gave thee Celia?
Yes, I lik'd it well enough Corydon; but my Mother always charged me that I should not suffer any man to kiss me.
Did thy Mother never talke of me, Celia?
Yes, very often Corydon; and I told her how you talk'd of love to me a great while ago, but I knew not what you meant by it, nor don't yet; but my Mother charged me not to come into your company, nor suffer you so much as to touch me; and told me that I must not hear you when you talk of Love, for I must love no body but my Father and Mother.
Why surely she did not tell thee so, did she Celia?
Yes indeed she did, Corydon, and a great deal more than that; but I shall not name it.
Yes prithee do Celia, let me hear what 'twas she said to thee?
No, indeed you shall not, 'twas something she bid me not to let you do, but what it was I will not name for all the world.
No more thou shalt not Celia, for I guess it already, and that's enough for me.
Well if you do, you do, I don't much care; but I vow you make me blush.
Blush not my Celia, for I will not name it; come sit thee down my Celia upon this green bank, and now we have an opportunity, let us make use of it in discoursing of matters of Love.
I know not what you mean Corydon, but I will sit down a little while with you, for I cannot stay; my Mother charged me not to stay too long.
Why thy Mother does not know that I am with thee.
No indeed I think not, for if she did, it would be a wee day with me; for she cannot abide you, because you talk of Love to me.
Well but I hope thou wilt love me ne're theless for that, wilt thou Celia? I am sure I love thee well.
No indeed I love you well enough, and methinks better now then ever I did before.
I thank thee, Celia, but I have other questions to ask thee concerning love.
What are they Corydon, prithee be not too tedious, for I cannot tarry too long; you know my Mother will chide me.
Thou sayest thou lovest me Celia, but how well?
Why a great deal, is not that enough?
Well but do'st thou love me well enough to be my Wife and to be married to me?
Why how must I be married to you Corydon?
Why we must go to Church together, and the Minister after some Prayers said joynes our hands together, and then we are Man and Wife: why did'st thou never see any married yet?
No not I, never in all my life; but what must we do after marriage Corydon, prithee tell me.
Why that very night we must go to bed together and lie together so long as we live.
Oh strange, why then I must not marry with you, for that was the only thing that my Mother charged me to have a care of; and not to lye with you, [Page 9]nor any other man in the whole World, and I dare not do it if you would give me six pence; No, no, I must have a care of that, for I know what I know.
Why what doest thou mean my Love? when we are married I will get thee brave Boys and Girles of thy own, Child what do'st thou think of that?
Oh fie, oh fie, now you have named it all that my Mother has forewarned me against; how dare you name such words, sure God wo'nt bless you Corydon. My Mother told me that God would not bless me if I did but think of such things, much less dare to act them.
That is to say before Marriage Celia you ought not to act such things, but marriage makes it lawful with your own husband, and not onely lawful but honourable it is to be a Mother of Children.
Say you so, Corydon; but my Mother will never yield to this, I am sure on't.
Well but thy Mother will have nothing to do with thee; after we are married thou art at thy husbands disposing then, no bodies else.
Well I'le go home and tell my Mother what you say, and see whether she will give her consent that I should do all these things with you as you have named or no.
No, no, my sweetest Celia, by no means, do not acquaint her with it yet.
Why so?
Because you know that she does not affect me so well as I do you, and therefore you and I must never marry nor ever meet again, if you tell her of any thing that I have said to you.
Why what would you have me do then Corydon?
Why do'st thou love me well enough to be my Wise?
Yes truely Corydon, you have almost perswaded me too't, if my Mother was but willing.
Why then I'le tell thee, Celia, we will marry first, and I'le warrant thee we will please her well enough afterward.
Think you so Corydon; Well but must I have Boys and Girles too, what will she say to that?
Why what should she say my Dear, she will rejoyce to see thee have Children, which when they come to bigness will ask her blessing.
Well, but I shall be asham'd to have Children; I vow I shall Corydon.
Prithee don't talk so childishly, my Dear, 'twill be an honour to thee to have children.
Well, but how shall I do to get to bed to thee, I'le swear I shall not have the face to go to bed to a man.
Well, well, we will do well enough for that, meet me here too morrow morning, Celia, and we will go and be married; till then farewel.
Nay but stay Corydon, I can afford to stay a little while longer now, to talk about having of children and going to bed after we are married.
Can'st thou indeed, poor Rogue, well I love thy innocence, and too morrow at night, thou shalt be satisfied in every thing that thou doest desire to know, and with this sweet kiss at present, I take my leave, not willing to detain thee too long too day, for fear thy Mothers Jealousie should arise, and guess the truth of what we have design'd, and so frustrate all our hopes and expectations, by keeping thee a close Prisoner in her house, and not suffer thee to stir abroad any whither, not let me come to see thee: therefore dearest Celia be careful, and say not a word to her of what we have been talking of; for if you do, I am sure our loves for ever will be ruined.
I'le warrant thee Corydon she shall never know the least through me, I can keep my own Counsel well enough; and that she shall find to her anger and vexation.
'Tis a good Girle, well, fare thee well once again; My Dearest, Remember what you have to do too morrow.
Adieu dear Corydon, farewell my loving Shepherd. Yes surely, I shall not forget the time and place of meeting, my Eyes no rest shall take this night; my mind will be employed another way: the thoughts of what I have to do too morrow will busie me enough 'twixt this and then.
DIALOGUE III. A Discourse betwixt two Gentlemen as they were riding on the Road together.
GOod morrow to you Sir.
A good morning to you Sir.
How far do you ride in this Road Sir?
As far as I can Sir too day.
That's as much as to say as far as your Horse will carry you too day; for possibly you may be capable of riding farther in a day than he is able to perform.
You say right, Sir, but I love my Horse too well to wrong him by over-riding him.
You are the better Master Sir.
Yes, and by consequence he the better Horse Sir.
All this I must confess, Sir; but pray now let me know how far you ride, Sir, this way; for I shall be more than a little glad of your good company, if you will be pleased to accept of mine?
Sir, Your company will be an honour to me, therefore you need not make any intreaties, for I shall be very forward to conjoyn my self with so good society as I sind you are; and to answer your question, I shall tell you, Sir, that I intend to reach as far Dunstable too night, and there to lye, being in my Road to West-Chester, whither I am bound.
In a happy hour I have set forward on my Journey, for I am travelling within ten miles of Chester; therefore I hope I shall enjoy your company so far.
With all my heart, Sir.
Your Horse goes very well Sir, pray what price?
My Horse is a Mare, Sir, and I think she goes well enough, I am sure she pleases me.
No doubt of it Sir, there is no reason why I should mislike her if she pleases you; but how do you like mine Sir?
Why Sir, for fear I should make the same mistake as you have done, I must tell you that be it Horse or Mare, or what ever the Beast is, I cannot tell but it goes very well.
It is (to speak after the Jocose manner, as you have done) a double hol'd Gelding, a Mare Sir; as we say in English, of the same Sex as yours is, but I think not altogether so stately.
Well, we'll make no comparisons Sir, but I believe they both may be very good: but where do you intend to Inn, for this night?
Why Sir, I would willingly be directed by you; but I'le tell you where I us'd to lie.
Pray, where's that Sir.
At the Sign of the two Travellers, it is a very good Inn, and there we shall have good entertainment for our Horses and our selves; I name the convenience for the Horse first, for if they fare well I don't question but we shall do well enough.
You say true Sir, for they cannot speak for themselves, but we can, and I'le warrant you we will want for nothing, no more shall not the Horses; 'or I'le take care of that.
You say right Sir, the Mares shall want for nothing, for our first care shall be for them, and then Sir I shall be at your service.
Sir, I am at your service; but pray what a kind of Hostess have we?
Nay Sir you say right, for we have a very kind Hostess.
How do you mean, Sir?
I mean honestly: a very good woman to our Landlady, and ifaith she rules the roast.
I am glad to hear it Sir, for we intend I hope (at least I do) to have some Roast, but pray have we never an Host or Landlord there?
Yes, yes; we have a Landlord, a very good man, that is to say, a very merry Landlord, you shall see when we come there; but as I tell you, the Hostess his Wife, id est, our Landlady, rules the roast.
And so I would have her Sir: for it properly belongs to that sex to see after the Roast.
Well Sir, and so I say too, but no more of this till we come there.
Agreed Sir, but I think we don't want much of it now.
Sir you say true, but shall I be honoured so far as to be a Supper-man with you as well as a Fellow-traveller?
I hope that question is not to ask now, your invitation was so fair, that I should be a Churl, and a great one, if I should deny you what so readily you have proposed.
Why then Sir let's take up our quarters together, but not too fast, now we are nigh our Inn; but let's ride softly, that our Horses, alias, Mares, may not be too hot when we come into our Inne.
Here Hostler.
Who calls?
Here take our Horses.
And rub them down clean, and come to us by and by, and you shall be informed what Corn we intend to give them.
Will you be pleased to walk into the Kitchin, and see what's there you like for Supper?
Yes Sir, I'le follow you, it seems you are acquainted with my Landlady; therefore pray walk first and renew your acquaintance with her.
Your servant Sir, I'le obey your commands.
Landlady your humble Servant, how have you done this many a day.
Why let me see, who's this Master Tiberius?
The very same.
Lord is there such a man alive?
Yes I am alive still Landlady; and this Gentleman and I do intend to be your Guests too night.
Come old Boys, I'le give each of you a kiss if you'l meet me half way, and bid you wellcome: So, now you are wellcome Gentlemen.
Well, honest Landlady, what shall we have for Supper?
Troth e'ne what you please Gentlemen.
Well but what have you got in the House Landlady?
Why you may have a couple of Capons, or a couple of Pullets, or a dozen of Pidgeons, with two or three dozen of Larks; you know Sir that we live in the onely Lark Country in England: but if you be not pleased with hollow birds, you may have a Shoulder of Mutton, Or a Loyn of Veal, or any boil'd Meat, if you please.
Well Landlady you have nam'd varieties enough, come you know my old Custome, give me a pint of your best Sack, and whil'st we are drinking that, we shall have time to consider which of these dishes of Meat to pitch upon.
You shall have it Sir.
We have a good Jovial Landlady here I perceive Sir?
Yes Sir, she will talke merrily, but I really believe it is onely to please her guests; for I am very confident that she is honest.
No doubt of it Sir, for you know we commonly find that the greatest talkers are the least doers.
Gentlemen I'le make bold to begin, and present my service to you both, and you are both wellcome.
Thank you Landlady.
Mr. Tiberius I'le present it to you first, because you are my old acquaintance.
Thank you Landlady.
Sir my humble service to you, and I thank you for your good company.
Your servant Sir, I am glad of so good a companion as your self; come Landlaiy the t'other glass to you, and then wee'l think what to have for Supper.
With all my heart Sir: But Mr. Tiberius, where have you been this many a day?
Why about the World Landlady, sometimes in one place, and sometimes in another. You see I am alive still.
Well Sir, now what shall we have for Supper?
Pray Sir do you speak.
Why I think a shoulder of Mutton, and two or three dozen of my Landladies Larks, since she praises them so much.
Agreed, withal my Heart.
Landlady, pray take care that they be made ready presently.
They shall Sir, will you be pleased to walk up into your Chamber.
Yes Landlady, we will walk up; but though we sup together, yet we must have two Chambers to lie in.
You shall Sir. What will you be pleased to drink Gentlemen?
VVhy let's taste of your Ale and Beer, Landlady, will you?
Yes you shall Sir.
VVell, but pray Fellow traveller, give me your absolute Opinion of our Landlady?
VVhy Sir, as I told you before, she may be honest; for what I know by her, I am sure she is; but for your own part I believe that you know something by her, by your redoubling the question of what I thought of her; besides that is not all the ground I have for suspicion, for I have observ'd some amorous wanton glances cast towards you now and then, when we were in the Kitchin, and also since we came up into the Chamber: but what the meaning of it should be is best known to your self.
Fie Sir, Fie, sure you mistake your self; she did not look and smile on me, did she?
Nay I am sure I am not mistaken, for she did smile and cast a wanton eye on you too.
VVell well Sir, how do you like her, did she not kiss well?
In troth Sir I cannot tell, I took so little notice of it, 'twas onely for fashions sake, that I kiss'd her; not out of any desire I had to it, but to fulfil the ancient custom.
VVhat corn will you be pleased to give your Horses, Sirs?
VVhy give mine half a peck of Oats too night, and the like quantity in the morning.
And let mine have the same.
They shall Sir.
Here Hostler, take the pot and drink.
Thank you Master.
Be sure let them have their due.
I'le warrant you Sir.
Gentlemen your Supper is ready, will you have it brought up yet?
Yes, Yes, by all means Landlady, bring it up; for we think long till we be at it: I am sure I do.
You shall have it immediately Sir; will you be pleased to seat your selves?
So here 'tis come now.
Come Landlady sit you down pray, where's my Landlord your Husband?
Alas poor Cuckold, where should he be, he is abroad about his business.
How's that Landlady, you do but jest sure?
No, no, she uses to talk after this rate, I know; but I believe my Landlord is no Cuckold for all that.
Well, come Gentlemen fall too, I have said grace for you.
VVell said Landlady, I perceive you are merry; but we will every one say grace for himself.
So, Now Landlady be pleased to help your self, and we will cut afterwards.
VVell Landlady, I know your temper; you connot eat well without a bottle or two of Claret.
VVell, then if you know my humour, I hope you will let me have it; for I shall live the longer, and I know you would not have me die yet, for you'l never meet with such another Landlady.
Yes, yes, Landlady, if that a bottle or two of VVine will prolong your days, you shall have that Cordial to be sure; and I am also in your opinion, that a good Supper cannot be made without a bottle or two of VVine.
Here Boy bring us up a bottle of Claret.
By and by, you shall have it Sir.
Come Landlady, have we never a merry Jest at Supper?
Are you married Sir?
Yes, that I am Landlady.
VVhy, then you are a Cuckold.
How do you know that Landlady?
VVhy, it follows by confequence, that all men that are married, must of necessity be Cuckolds, because my Husband's one.
Suppose your Husband be one, must all men therefore be Cuckolds, because he is so? surely all the VVomen in the VVorld are not VVhores.
Oh Fie, Mr. Tiberius, I had thought you could not have spoke such a word, I vow I could find in my heart to be angry with you; what must all those women that make their husbands Cuckolds, be called Whores, no sure I hope not?
Nay, but Landlady, setting all aside, how do you call those VVomen as make their Husbands Cuckalds? if they are not VVhores, I am much mistaken.
Lord Sir, I had thought that you had lived long enough in the World to know better things: Suppose I or some other VVoman, should be willing to satisfie your desires, in that way, rather then disoblige you, methinks you would not call me or the or whoever it be, VVhore, for condescending to your will.
VVhy, what would you have her accounted then Landlady?
You may say she is a kind VVoman, or so: a good natur'd VVoman, or so: but the name of whore is so odious, that it deserves not to be given for it, except the party so called be a common strumpet and mercenary, prostrating her self to any sort of fellow, for half a Crown or under; she indeed deserves the Name of VVhore, and no other VVoman whatsoever.
VVell Landlady, it shall be as you say; come one glass of Claret to you, and all shall be well I hope.
Sir, I'le pledge, and now I hope you understand the difference betwixt a VVhore and a kind VVoman.
VVell well, Landlady, we are satisfied, and too morrow morning before we go, you shall be satisfied too.
I question it not, Gentlemen, good night Sir; Mr. Tiberius, if you please, you shall lie in another chamber, and this Gentleman shall lie here.
VVith all my heart Landlady. Sir good night to you; pray use my Landlady kindly.
DIALOGUE IIII. A Merry discourse betwixt Harry and Doll, in Country Phraises.
HOnest Doll, well met in troth, whither art thou going, this morning so early?
Why, what is that to you, Good man Coxcomb, I hope I am not to make you acquainted with my Master and Dames besiness; that would be a pretty Jest indeed, if I should do so; but I think the fool has more wit in truth: pray do you mind your business, and I will take care of what I have to do, and so farewell.
Nay stay a little sweet Dorothy, stay, do not be so angry, that's my good Girle, what hast thou piss'd on a Nettle this morning, that thou art so tachy? come, come, Doll, prithee be gentle (for I vow to God) I ask thee for no harm.
No harm, sauce-box, what is't you aske me for then?
Nay, sweet Dorothy be patient, and I'le tell thee.
Well, come let me hear it.
Why, it was not to enquire after any of thy Master or Dames business, that I stoped thee, but because I have a little business of my own to tell thee of, if thou wilt hear me with patience.
I wonder what I have to do with your business, I'le bear none of your business, by the Mass not I, therefore pray let me go.
Nay, stay a little Doll, you must hear me, I'le swear I shall cry if you are thus unkind to me, therefore prithee stay and hear me.
How do you say, shall you cry?
Yes that I shall, and die too, if you be not more kinder to me.
Well, come fool, rather than you shall cry, and die too, I will stay and hear what 'tis you have to say to me, if that you'll promise me not to be too long about it.
No indeed Doll, I will not keep thee too long, I will be as brief as may be.
Come then begin, why don't you begin, I say?
Nay, but heark ye Doll, I do not take this to be a very convenient place, being in a common Footpath, and in the open Field.
Why, whither now I trow?
Why, I'le tell thee Doll, on t'other side of yonder Field you know is a little River, and by the River side is a most pleasant Grove, where we may fit and talk of our business, and no body never see us, nor disturb us.
You tell me of business and business, but I know not what your business is.
Come along dear Dolly, come along, and I will tell thee presently, to thy satisfaction and content.
Well, I could find in my heart to go along with you, but it must be upon these conditions.
What conditions, what dost thou mean sweetheart?
Hey day, pray how came I to be your sweet-heart? to my best knowledge I never saw you but once before, and then I am sure you never talk'd of Love to me.
Tis no matter for that dear Dolly, the more's to come; but prithee, first let me hear what the conditions must be that I am to subscribe to, for indeed Doll, I begin to be a little in hast.
Pray stay, I am not so hasty, however [...] you my Conditions.
Pray, sweet Dolly, let me hear 'em then quickly.
Yes, you shall; and these they are.
First, you shall swear, that you won't tell my Master nor Dame, nor none of my fellow Servants, nor any body else that knows me.
What, must I not tell them Doll?
Why, I say you shall not tell any of them that I go to talk with you privately; and then secondly;
Oh dear, secondly, why what's next Doll; the first I'le swear too willingly, but is there any more?
Yes, Yes; secondly I say, you shall not offer any rudeness to me, when we are alone, you shall not—
What, dost thou mean Doll? thou know'st I am not rude but gentle; but prithee what do'st thou call rudeness?
Nay, if you interrupt me thus, we shall never have done, I say,—
What, what, dear Dolly, what dost thou say, speak out VVench?
But you will not give me leave to speak, I think; why, I say, you shall not offer any uncivility to me.
VVhat's that Dolly, that's a hard word, I'le protest it is a very hard word.
That is to say, you shall not offer to do any thing to me but kiss me when we come there, and that not above twice or thrice.
Oh law Doll, thou talk'st strangely, why what would'st thou have me do more, I intend to do nothing else, onely to kiss and talk of business.
Come, come, for all you pretend so much ignorance, I dare not trust you, unless you swear.
What wouldst thou have me swear to Dolly?
Why, If I must tell you plainly, I must; You shall [Page 23]swear that you will not put your hands under my Coats.
Why, what should I put them there for Doll, hey?
Nay, 'tis no matter for that; will you swear, will you swear Harry?
Yes, I can swear Doll.
Ay, ay, I don't question that, but will you?
Yes, I will swear Doll, but what must the Oath be?
Why, the Oath shall be this, you shall swear by your—
By my what Doll?
Why, you shall swear, by your honesty, and by your Maiden-head, that you will not abuse me.
How can I abuse one that I love so well: No, no, that cannot be.
Well, but however you shall swear as I have told you.
Yes, yes, I will swear boldly Dolly, by my everlasting honesty; but what's the t'other word that I must swear by Doll?
Why, by your Maiden-head, I told you.
Prithee what's that Doll?
Nay, if you know not, I shall not tell you.
Why, then I'le swear on at a venture?
Do so then if you will.
VVhy, then by my pure honesty, and by my Maiden-head, which I know not of, I will not Misuse thee.
Well, come then, I don't much care if I go along with you.
Come on sweet Dolly, prithee give me thy fist, and we will walk lovingly together.
[Page 24]Well, now we are come to the place, I suppose, which you told me of?
Yes, so we are Dolly, and now in this pretty shady place, under this tree, we will sit down and discourse about the business.
Yes, prithee do, lets hear this business, that has been so long a bringing out.
VVhy, then this it is Dolly, I must tell you that I love you, and not a little, but a great deal Dolly, I vow I do.
Well, and what then Harry?
Why, then let's kiss a little, nay, again and again too.
Nay, but hold Harry, you remember your Oath you swore, before I consented to come hicher with you; [Page 25]which was, that you should he civil and not kiss me above once or twice, or three times at farthest.
I'll swear Dolly, I had almost forgot that, but if I have exceeded a little beyond my bounds, you won't be angry I hope, will you Doll?
Nay, I don't know what you mean, methinks you tempt me strangely.
I'll warrant Girle I'll do thee no harm, don't fear it; come, t'other kiss and then —
And what then Harry? Well but you said you loved me, but how much, or how little, or for what, I cannot yet till.
Oh, oh, I'll tell thee that presently.
Nay, but I must know just now?
Why, I love thee abundantly Dolly, even so much that I could find in my heart to —
To do what Harry?
Why, to kiss thee again, and to hug thee lovingly.
Is that all? but don't you intend to marry me too Harry.
Marry thee▪ Yes, yes child, I'll marry thee by and by, even just now.
Yes, I do so, therefore let me have no excuses, but make me your wife forthwith.
Then it seems you are in as much hast now as I was before? Well, satisfie thy self Doll, for I will make thee my wife, and will prove an honest careful husband to thee, what can'st thou desire more?
Nay, if you prove as good as your word, I shall not need to defire any more; but when will you appoint the time, that I may make some small preparation?
I leave that to thee Doll: but be private in it and conceal what is past, for people you know will make the worst of any thing they hear.
As for my secresie, you need not doubt it, for the making of this our meeting known, would reflect upon me as much as an your self, and rather more.
Thou sayest true Dol; therefore prithee let's make an end at present, and do thou name the day when we shall meet again, and I will Marry thee without delay, hoping that thou wilt prove an honest, kind, and vertuous Wise to me.
I will so, and for ever be obedient to thy Commands; and since you leave it to me to appoint the time, I think just this day week, at the same hour we met too day, will be a very good time if you think it so.
I do agree to it, and I will be sure to meet thee that morning in this same place where now we are, and from hence we will go to the Church and be married privately, and then return to our services again, where we will stay till our years are up, and then I eare not if all the world do know that we are Man and Wife.
A match my dearest Love, this kiss shall part our bodies for this time; yet surely know, that though I am gone, thou bearest away my heart; my body to my heart shall shortly go.
DIALOGUE V. A merry Discourse betwixt two Poets, meeting with one another accidentally in the Street.
BRother Tom, well met; how goes the affairs of the world now a-days?
In troth Will very dull, mighty dull; I'le swear, methinks, all the world is dull but we; and Faith we shall be dull too, except we can get more money; I speak for my own part, I know not how your Pockets stand affected, I am sure mine find a mighty Vacuum of late.
Prithee now don't say so, I know you cannot want money except you are covetous, and so want by consequence, according to that old Adage, which tells us, that semper avarus eget.
Prithee Will don't speak Latine, for I cannot understand a word so long as Aegrotat Crumena; besides, I have drank never a drop of Sack, nor no other Wine; therefore how canst thou expect that I can speak or understand a word of Latine.
Come, come, Brother Tom, we live by our Wits, we must not want money, for my part I have money enough; Come, come along with me, I'le revive thy spirits with some of the Heliconian Liquor, and you know Faecundi Calices Tom will inspire our Brains, and make our Muses fing such delightful strains, that shall charm the Usurers Gold to fly into our Pockets, and ne're repine for being bountiful.
On my word Will. you are very bri [...]k, but what Tavern shall we go to; methinks I cannot turn my head on neither side, but my Nose smells Sack ever [Page 28]since you talkt of going to the Tavern, for I'le swear I have a very empty Cavern; therefore prithee Will. name the place quickly, and we will discourse of all [...]hings there as we shall think fit.
Prithee Tom go whither thou wilt, for my part it is all one to me; but I think we had as good go to the Devil, because we are just by it.
No Will, I don't care for going to the Devil now, for there I shall meet with a small Dun; it is no great matter, I owe five or six Pounds, or thereabouts.
Well then avoid Satan, we'll come not near thee; but name some other place Tom.
Why, there is a glass of as good Wine at the Rose, and there whatsoever we say shall be under the Rose; and that's as nigh as the other: besides the head Drawer is my very good friend, he never lets me pay a Farthing for Tobacco.
Prithee don't talk of such pittiful things as paying for Tobacco; if he will draw us a Bottle of good Wine, that shall be all we expect from him. Tom, we must keep such fellows as Drawers are at a distance, lest they grow saucy.
But I am forced to make them my Familiars, sometimes against my will, but it's no matter for that, come let's go.
You are welcome Gentlemen, will you be pleas'd to walk up stairs.
Yes, honest Drawer, we will follow you up stairs as fast as we can.
What Wine will you be pleas'd to drink Gentlemen?
Heark you, be you the Head-Drawer?
Yes, Sir.
Yes, yes, this honest Drawer knows me well enough.
Well honest Drawer, since he calls thee so, prithee bring us up a Bottle of the best Canary in the Cellar; be sure let it be good, and thou shalt lose nothing for thy civility.
Your Servant. Sir, I'll warrant you rare good, Sir.
Do you hear, bring up some Tubacco with you also, such as I us'd to smoke when I come here.
You shall have it, Sir.
We shall want a third man to help hold a discourse, shall we not? What do you think of a third man, Will. I know where to send for one?
A Por of a third man; tell me of no third man: I'll warrant thee, that we'll find Discourse enough betwixt our selves.
Here's a Glass of rich Canary, Sir.
Give it me: Will. give me thy hand: Come, a good Health to the Muses our Sisters, our old Sire Apollo.
Well bowl'd Boy. Come, give me a Rummer, I'll pledge thee.
Does the Wine please you, Gentlemen?
Thou art an honest Lad, 'tis very good Wine, and I'll remember thy Box for it.
Your Servant, Sir.
Come Tom, fill the other Glass and drink to me, I'll warrant thee this will put thee out of thy dull humour: Come be merry old Soul, Let's quaff whilst we may: None knows who shall live to be merry next day.
Nay, if thou begin'st to be inspir'd already, what shall we be before we go: Come Will. God bless the King.
Prithee Tom drink off thy Glass: What thou dost not begin to start already? Come suck him off, and I'll pledge thee a brimmer.
So now I hope I have pleas'd you, Will.
Yes, so thou hast Tom. and I'll do the like, I'll warrant Boy.
I think we had best to call for the other Bottle before we begin to smoke.
Do so Tom, do you call, because you know the Drawer.
Well, I'll knock. Here Drawer, B [...]y.
By and by, I am coming Sir.
Prithee draw us a Bottle of the same Wine.
You shall have it Sir.
Come Tom, now let's smoke it awhile.
Agreed: But stay, let's do nothing rashly, let's rake each of us another Glass first. Is this the same Wine, Drawer?
The very same Sir.
Come Will, here's my Mistresses health.
Drink it off Tom, and pledge mine, and then —
Ay, and then, as thou sayest Will. we shall be fit for discourse.
So, now let it rest awhile, and prithee tell me how thou hast spent thy time of late: Upon what new Subject hast thou exercis'd thy fancy of late.
Why, I'll tell thee Will, but t'other day there comes to my Lodging a brisk and lively Blade, a good Sack-drinker, but a younger Brother, and he like other men now adays (I won't say thee, and I VVill. because he was no Poet) had more Wit than Money. This Young Gentleman had found out a Female Creature that had more Money than Wit, whom he thought were a very fit Match for him: He told me, that he had often made his Addresses to her, she not giving him a flat denial, he was perswaded, that his own Wit, with the assistance of a smooth Poem in praise of her Perfections (or Imperfections, all's one in that Greek you know Will.) might win her, and work upon her [Page 31]foolish good Nature, so far as to accept his suit.
And how then Tom?
Nay, I must drink the other Glass before I can proceed any further with my Story.
Well, drink and be hang'd, you love this Sack, I perceive.
Faith Will. 'twas well said: Let me drink before I am hang'd, for I love Sack better than hanging by far.
Well, but go on with the Story.
Then I told him Will, that I could fit him to a hair with a Copy of Verses, but I exprcted to have something in hand, and a promise what I should have after I had done. The young Fop heightred with the thoughts of good success, gave me a Guinny in hand, being all the Money he had, I suppose; and a promise of four more if he married the young Gentlewoman: which I gladly took, and could not in Conscience but give him a glass of Wine out of it.
Well, and you did give him Sack out of his Guinny, did you not Tom?
Why yes, I tell thee, I did make him drink for his Money; we had two Bottles of Clarer, and that look'd more gentile than one Bottle of Sack, though I must confess, that I love Sack far better than French-Wine, Will, and so here's to thee.
Nay I believe that you love Sack well enough, without swearing to't; for you signifie as much by your present drinking. Well, now you have took off your Glass, I hope you will proceed with your Narration concerning the Poems you were to make.
Yes, I will so; but had not we best to drink another Glass apiece first: I vow this is excellent good Sack, Will.
Yes, yes, the Sack's good enough; but prithee be not so greedy of it Tom, but go on with thy Story.
VVell here's one Glass to thee VVill, and then —
And then I think thou'lt be drunk, Tom, come prithee make haste then, for I am impatient of thy tediousness.
Well, if thou wilt not pledge me Will, I'll set it by a while, and proceed with my young Gamester, which was after this manner. I bad him come again that day week he gave me the Guinny, and he should have the Poems.
Why, thou wast not a week sure in composing a Copy of Verses in praise of a Ladies Beauty?
No indeed, I was not Will; I wonder how thou hapenest to ask such an impertinent Question?
How do you make it an impertinent Question? did you not say, that you bid the Gentleman come that day week, and he should have his Poem?
Yes, I did say so, and do say so still, and say the truth too, Mr. Will, and yet that is no good ground for you to say that I was a week in making them; I'll swear if you were not my Brother Poet, I would call thee Fool. Why, dost thou not know that I had a Guinny?
Yes, I do remember you told me so, but what then?
What then, why art thou ignorant still? Dost thou think that the Guinny would not require some time in spending?
'Tis right Tom, I blame my present dulness of apprehension in not understanding thee at first; I must confess that I might have imagined that thou couldst not rest, or settled thy self to any thing till the Guinny was consumed and melted away.
Yes, as thou sayest Will, I did melt it in a shore time, but not all at one time; for I would study and compose three or four Lines, then to the Tavern for [Page 33]half a pint of the best Canary, and having drunk up that, I could make a shift to go home and compose two Verses and a half more, and then to the Tavern again. But now I think on't, this Wine that stands by me, will be flat if it stands any longer, therefore Will, here's to thee.
What again? why sure enough I shall be troubled to get thee home by and by.
Yes, it may be so. Here Drawer, Boy.
By and by, Sir, I am coming. Did you call here, Sir?
Yes; Prithee bring us a Bottle of the same Wine, and bring a Chamber-pot with thee.
You shall have it, Sir.
We shall have the other Bottle, shall we not Will?
Yes, it seems we must have it; now you have call'd for't.
There are Musicians below, Gentle men, who desire to know whether you will permit them to play to you or no?
Hang 'em Rogues, we have rothing to do with Fidlers, our Sack will make us more merry than their scraping.
Thou sayest right Will, and now I love thee, and here's [...]o thee.
Come drink Tom, and let me hear what Verses thou madest the young man for his Guinny, I know thou hast a foul Copy of them about thee still, hast not, Tom.?
Why, what if I have or have not, must I needs tell you Will; or is there any necessity that I should shew them to you, if I have 'em about me?
No, no, Tom, I do not Command you to shew me, but I desire that kindness of you; therefore don't be angry.
No, no, Will, angry, I scorn to be angry; Come here's to thee.
Well, but will you shew me the Poem that you made for the Gentleman.
No, in troth won't I, but I'll read it to you, if that will fatisfie you, if not, you must defist to ask me further, for I will not part from them out of my own hands to ne're a man in England; yet I must confess, that I love you well Will, but you must pardon me for that.
Why are they such excellent ones that you are afraid that I should take them away, and so make use of them, some other time upon the same occasion?
'Tis no matter for that, if you will hear them you shall Will.
Well, prithee, let's hear 'em then.
Why, you shall; but here's to you first, I begin to be dry.
Well, prithee drink, and read 'em if thou wilt, or say thou wilt not.
Yes, I will, and these they are, pray give attention:
How's that? How's that?
Nay, if you interrupt me, I ha' done.
Proceed.
Oh, wonderful, wonderful Wit! I never heard the like in all my life; so many Rhimes of one sort I never heard in my life time.
That's the rarity of it, Will.
Yes, so I perceive Tom. What did you conclude you Elegant Poem after this manner?
No, there is two Lines more, and that is all; which are these:
Oh, admirable Tom! I could not have thought that any man alive had had so much wit in him; Well, go thy way for a Composer of Poems: so excellent a Fancy, I never heard before.
No nor no body else, except it came from those that are good Sack Drinkers like my self: Come here's to thee Will, let's drink a little touch now.
I'll pledge thee Tom, a brimmer: Drawer, bring the t'other Bottle, and tell us what's to pay?
You shall have it, Sir.
Come Will, prithee tell me what new thing thou hast made of late, speak Will, and briskly, to be dull I hate.
Thou sayest true Will, we had better leave off Rhiming in vain, for why should we waste our stock of Wit upon each other when we have no occasion for it; we have enough to study our Brains when we have a Gninny Subject to work upon. In troth Will, I begin to be troubled with a short Cough, I don't know what they call it; Prithee give me another Class of Sack, and try what that will do with me.
Ay, ay, the t'other Glafs, prithee drink it off, and begin an other to me, that we may make an end, for it begins to be late.
Thou sayest true Will, and here's to thee.
So now, we'll call for a Reckoning. Here Drawer, What's to pay?
Eight shillings Wine, and six pence Tobacco.
Here's nine shillings, take thou the remainder.
Your Servant, Sir, you are welcome Gentlemen.
Well fare thee well Will, the next Treat shall be mine.
Adien honest Tom, let me see thee sometimes. Fare-well.
DIALOGUE VI. A merry Dialogue of Love betwixt an Old Rich Guff and a handsome br [...]k Damsel.
MY Cocky, My pretty Nancy Cock, how dost thou my Sweeting? in troth Law; I am glad to see thee with all my heart. Come, how hast thou done this great while? what, art thou marri'd yet my Girl? hast got thee a good Husband yet?
Your Servant Sir, I hope your Worship's in good health.
Yes, in good truth Girl, I thank my God, I am in good health, and am as lively and lusty, as e're I was in all my life: But prithee tell me Nancy, art a Wife or a Maid? Tell me truly, don't blush.
I am a Maid, an't please you, Sir.
In goed time, my Sweeting: But I wonder thou hast not got thee a Husband all this while.
I hope he is got already, Sir.
Well, well, pretty one, you know my meaning: I tell thee; I wonder such a pretty sweet-fac'd Rogue has not a Husband yet.
Because I can get no Body to have me, Sir; however I think it is time enough yet, for I am young in years, and may be brought too soon to know the sorrows of a wedded life.
Be not mistaken Sweetest; there are no pleasures in the world like to those which married people receive when they are joyn'd together by free consent, and where there is no want of an Estate to keep Love warm; for I must confess that Poverty often makes Love grow cold, and want of Necessaries makes Quarrels arise; But where there is a sufficiency and plenty of all things, together with a loving and kind Husband, I think that woman is in a happy condition: What thinks't thou of this my Nancy, come answer me now Girl?
Why truly Sir, such Husbands are hard to be found; but if I knew where to have such a man, I should be willing enough to alter my condition; for I must confess that I have had a longing mind this half year to be a married wife; for something, but I know not yet for what, I had so strong a desire.
Alas, poor Rogue! pretty innocent Girl, The truth on't is, I do believe that thou art a pure Virgin, and by'r Lady, my Cocky, I will give thee one Salute.
How Sir?
Nay, my Cocky, be not ashamed; Nay, prithee don't blush.
Pray Sir, what do you mean? I hope you will not degrade your self so much as to kiss such a one as I: Pray Sir, forbear.
I feck Huffy, thou art a sweet-lip't Rogue, and let me tell thee, that I must do more than kiss thee.
I hope you are not in earnest; you will not as me any harm, will you Sir?
Hurt thee? No my Chuck, I do not intend to hurt thee; I love that sweet face of thine too well to hurt it.
Nay then I care not Sir what you do to me, so [Page 39]you don't hurt me; pray tell me then what you mean to do?
Why, I intend to love thee.
To love me! and what then Sir?
To kiss thee, and hag thee, and to lie with thee all night.
Marry God forbid that I should lie with a man; in deed Sir, I dare not do such a thing for all the World; for my Mother has often told me, that I must not lie with a man, except I had a Husband.
Ha, ha, ha, my pretty thing, no more; thou shalt not he with any man but thy Husband.
Why Sir, you are not my Husband, and yet you talk of lying with me.
Well said, sweet Face: But what do'st think of being my wife? couldst thou find in thy heart to love me, and prove a vertuous, true, and kind wife to me all days of thy life: Now Cocky speak, for in troth Law, I am in earnest, and do love thee above all other Maids in the whole world.
Do you so Sir: But you are old, are you not Sir, pray tell me?
Why, what if I am, Child.
Why then you'll die before me, Sir, and I shall love you so well when I am married to you, that it will break my heart, if you should die before me.
Pretty heart, say'st thou so: Is that all thou dost object against me?
Is not that enough Sir, what would you have me say more?
I must confess, dear Heart, that I am older than thee; but you must know, Cocky, that we all must die, both old and young, but we cannot tell who shall die first; therefore be not discomforted upon that account, for thou may'st die as soon as Is if not before me.
Would you not cry then Sir, if I should die be fore you?
Yes, Pretty Rogue, I should be sorry for thy death, but those things must be left to the disposal of kind Heaven, which orders all things of that Nature in its own due time and season.
Say you so Sir, but you are older than I, and I very much fear —
What dost thou fear, pretty One? Speak holdly, do not fear to tell me.
Why Sir, can't you guess.
Why Yes, fair One, perhaps I may.
Pray tell me, what you think then?
Well, I believe, thou think'st that because I am in years, I may not be capable of those Duties which belong to a new Marriage-bed.
Why what are those, Sir?
Pretty Innocent: well, thou shalt know when we are marry'd, and till then thou must rest contented.
Well Sir, I shall be contented: But pray till me, if we must marry, how I shall be maintained, for my Mother will not look after me then.
Preity Fool, take no care for that: I have got more Gold and Silver than thee and I shall ever spend whilst we live, and when we die shall leave enough for our Children after us.
What must we have Children too?
Two? Yes, three or four, I'll warrant thee: although I am old in thy eyes, yet I am as youthful and vigorous in those concerns, as a young Man at one and twenty; the enjoyment of thee will make me forget my Age, and become a Boy again.
Nay then, I care not Sir, for I shall love to see you look young.
Come and kiss me then, my Nancy.
With all my heart Sir. And now I'll sing you one Verse of a Song.
Come let's hear it, Girl.
Pray how like you this?
Very well, very well, Nanny; Prithee, who taught thee this Song.
My Mother Sir, and she said it was a very true one.
No, no, fair One, it is not true; there is no honest woman will wrong her husbands bed, though she have never so great temptations.
I hope you will not be jealous Sir, I'll promise you I will live as honestly as ever I can; what would you have me do more?
No, no, thou say'st Well, Girl, I will not be jealous, and I fancy that I shall please thee so well, that thou wilt have no cause to make me a Cuckold; and we will live together as merry as Cup and Can.
Well, what would you have me say more, Sir, pray speak, and tell me quickly, for I am weary of this Discourse, I had rather be in action.
I commend thee, my Lore, and so had I too; Well, tell me, then wilt thou have me to be thy Husband?
Yes, if you please, Sir.
Enough, now I have my desire, and thou shalt have thine, I'll warrant thee; now I will go and make preparation against too morrow, which shall be our VVedding-day; and with this kiss, at present I take leave.
DIALOGUE VII. A Merry Dialogue betwixt a young Gentleman and an old Widdow.
MAdam, the various Reports that go abroad in the World concerning Matrimony, make me ambitious to try an Experiment upon the same, and having heard so great a Fame of your Ladyships good life and conversation, have presum'd now to tell you, that I am Madam, Your humble Servant.
Sir, I can do less then give you thanks for your Civility towards me, but I wonder that you should attaque me with the matter of love. I suppose you understand my present state and condition, how that of late I have buri'd a good Husband; how therefore can you think that I will admit so soon of a second address: In the first place, you must either think that I had but small kindness for my former Husband, or etherwise you must imagine that I am a fond old doting Fool, apt to be carri'd away with every wind of Doctrine that is preach'd to me by every simple Ideot, that has onely a prospect into my Estate or Fortune, but has no regard to my person. Come, young Gentleman, these things won't take.
Madam, I hope I have given you no offence; if I have, I most humbly beg your pardon.
I am no Pope Sir.
But Madam you must give me leave to tell you then, that if Love can be called an offence, I must confess that I have offended; for now and evermore I must tell you that I love you, and none but you in the whole world; therefore dear Madam, look not scornfully upon me, but grant me my humble request; which is to give me love for love.
Why sure young man you are not in earnest.
Yes Madam indeed I am, and so you shall find me.
Why what would you have me to do, would you have me match my self to a young Boy?
Madam you'll find a lusty Boy of me, methinks I begin to write my self man— being now about twenty; I'll warrant you Madam a good Bedfellow.
How shall I know that?
Try Widdow, try, there's nothing like it; faith ne'r fear it, I have that you want, come let's grow familiar now.
Are you in earnest Sir?
Yes by this kiss I am.
Nay hold you are rude, fie for shame; what again?
Again, yes and again and again too.
Why sure you won't, young man, you'll be tired anon?
No, no, Widdow, I shall never be weary of well-doing.
Do you call this doing well?
Truly I must confess there is not much action in this; for it is only an invitation to a farther bliss or happiness, which the Wits of our Age call enjoyment. Ah VViddow Enjoyment, Enjoyment; that's all.
Prethee what do'st thou mean by Enjoyment, I don't understand ye?
VVell well, VViddow, I shall speak in plain English, when you and I are in bed together; however I am fully perswaded that you know my meaning by Enjoyment, though you have had but little; for I am sensible that your Husband was a silly feeble Sot, and scarce ever shew'd you what Enjoyment was; but I VViddow, I'll clear the case, and shew you what it is immediately, if you please.
VVhy you will not surely, will you? methinks you are a little too hasty for me; and yet —
And yet I know that cannot well be; for having once but smelt of the Spit, you will love a good not flatter you, but proceed according to the old Song, which is this:
VVhat think you of this VViddow?
VVell, well, young man, you may go on, and see what you'll get by't.
Go on, yes so, I intend, and get you by [...].
What do you mean by getting me?
Why I mean by the way of Love to make you my Wife VViddow; what do you think of that Lady?
Why sure you don't think so; are you and I an equal match?
Match; ha, ha, ha, yes VViddow I'll match ye I'll warrant ye; come give's your hand, is't a bargain or no?
VVhat you are in haste then?
Yes, yes, in great haste VViddow.
Very well; but do you conceive that my age and yours agree.
Yes, yes, we and our ages too will agree well enough; suppose I am twenty and you are forty, what a business is that? Let me tell you VViddow, that if you joyn with me, our Ages shall be both equal.
How can you make out that Sir?
VVhy thus VViddow, by way of infusion; for let me tell you that I shall infuse so much young blood into you, that in one weeks time you will become twenty years younger: Do you hear me now VViddow, what think you of this?
Go, go, you are a VVagg.
Yes, yes, so I am, and I'll tumble thee about as long as thou art able to wag.
You won't hurt me, will you?
No, no, you don't fear that VViddow.
Not much I must confess.
VVell then speak freely, wilt thou be my spouse or no?
I could find in my heart Sir, but it must be upon certain conditions.
VVell, well name your conditions; they are good ones I'll warrant ye.
VVhy these they are: In the first place, whereas I am possess'd with an Estate valued at Three hundred pounds per annum, you shall not have any thing to do with that Estate, not so much as with the yearly Rent; but it shall be all at my disposing.
Very [...] have you any more conditions pray like the first?
Yes I have one more, and this it is: You shall not take into your possession any money of mine, either Gold or Silver; nor make any enquiry how rich I am; but be satisfi'd and contented with what you have already.
So, what's this all?
Yes Sir, upon these Terms I do agree and am contented to become your VVife.
Are you so? Thank you for nothing: Fare you well, fare you well VViddow.
VVhy are you gone Sir?
Yes I am going forsooth.
Heark you Sir, stay a little, nay pray stay; come I'll moderate the business, I know your Disease.
VVell be quick then.
VVill all my ready money satisfie you?
No, no, VViddow, if you'll be my VVife, you must give up Life, Body, Soul, Estate, and all you have into my possession.
VVell come then if it must be so, it must, I cannot deny you any thing; for I think long to be made young again.
A Match VViddow, now the bargain's ended; come we'll away to the Church, and be marry'd immediately.
A brief Description Of TRUE LOVE.
In Praise and Dispraise of LOVE.
EXAMPLES OF LETTERS AND COMPLEMENTS. OF All sorts, both Jocose and Serious, fitted for business as well as Recreation and Delight.
A Father's Letter to his Son at School in the Countrey.
AS it is my Fatherly care to provide for your future good, in bringing you up to learning: as well as my present endeavours to see that you want nothing in the time of your Minority; so I expect that you by being dutiful and diligent should make me amends for all my costs and charges. Be sure you mind your Book, and consider, that you alone will receive [Page 50]the benefit: let not too much play steal away your mind from Learning, for you can never receive any good thereby, but harm does often happen by overheating your self, which will dull your memory, and make you incapable of attaining what your Master shall set before you; so that you will cheat both your self and me; your self of time and knowledge, and me of my Money and expectation. When you have a little leisure from your Latin, I would have you practise Writing, which will be a recreation to you; for to be always upon one exercise doth dull the senses of any one whether Young or Old, and it would be a comfort to me to have a Letter from you now and then to hear of your welfare: be careful how you spend your time, and you shall want for nothing that I can help you to, that may encourage you to be a good boy, and the way to be so, is to live in the fear of God, and to keep his Commandments, then will his Blessings for ever attend you, and you will be a joy and comfort to me and your tender Mother in our old Age: Both our Loves remembred to you and your Mistress, I am
The Son's Answer.
AFter my humble Duty presented to you and my Mother, these may let you understand, that through the blessing of God I am in good health, and will to my lives and be dutiful and obedient, to you and my good [Page 51]Mother; taking your advice and counsel in every thing, knowing that you wish me well both for my present and future happiness: my Master is very kind to me, and careful of my welfare in every respect; pray be pleas'd to accept of my ill writing at present, and I doubt not but in a short time, I shall mend my hand and write better, though as yet I have had but little time allowed me, to learn to write. My kind Love and service to all my Relations and Friends is all at present that I have to trouble you with who am,
A Citizen returning his Friend kind thanks for his entertainment when he was in the Countrey.
THe great and manifold kindnesses which I have often received from you and your Wife do ever call upon me, and put me in mind of making an acknowledgement, as some part of satisfaction; but most of all those infinite savours which you were pleased to confer upon me when I was last in the Countrey must not, nor can never be forgot whilst I live; I know not how to make you amends to my own content, in no way but desiring your good company in London at my House, where you may be sure of a welcome from him who is Sir
The Country Gentleman's Answer to the Citizen.
IT is not my business to complement my Friends with fair words and eloquent Speeches, but to tell them in down-right and in plain Language, they are welcome; and not only to tell them so in words, but to let them find they're welcome by their entertainment; which if you found worth your acceptance I wish you had stayed longer, for I'le assure you Sir, your company was most delightful, and most pleasant to me all the while you were in the Countrey; Insomuch that I cannot be contented to be long without it; therefore since you would not tarry with us, I do intend to come very speedily to London, and give you a visit where I do purpose to remain till you are weary of my company and I weary of the City, but how long that may be I cannot tell: in the mean time Sir I present my Service to your self and good Brother Thomas, wishing you all health and happiness, I remain,
A merry Letter to invite a Friend to the Tavern.
FAith I have designed this Afternoon to be merry in, and want nothing that can be helping to my delight but your good company: my defire is, that you would meet me at the George Tavern, [Page 53]in White-Fryers about two of the Clock, and I will get together two or three more of our old Companions, and there we will soak our Souls with good Sack and Claret, till our Brains are inspired with that Heavenly Liquor: then will we sing each of us a merry Catch and drink our Mistresses Health; crying God bless the King, again and again: then toss off a brimmer of Bacchus his blood, which will make us like Mars be couragious and valiant: and cause the fair Venus to fall on her back, though the black limping Cuckold old Vulcan stand by. Never think of the reckoning for I'le pay the shot, and if I have not Money the Vintner shall trust; thus expecting your coming I impatiently remain,
The Answer.
YOu are always so obliging, and your company is so delightful, that you may assure your self I will not fail to meet so true a Friend; you know my [...] sition is ever inclin'd to Mirth and good [...] Sack and brisk Claret will command me at [...], to fight under their Banners so long as I can stand, but if by their charms it happens that I am overcome, one jolly sweet Song sung in a high strain, will awaken each sence and recover me to Life again; then cursing the Drawer for being so slow, instead of calling for one Bottle we will make him bring up a dozen together, till at length we are fitted for Venus indeed, then high for [Page 54]a Mistrest, a Girl of the Game, that by her rare Art will easily quench those flames in one half hour, which we have been kindling with the Spirits of Bacchus the space of a whole day, all which being done, we will seek our repose by sleeping a while to regain us fresh courage; and with this resolution I'le be sure to meet you, who am
A Gentleman to a young Lady whom he courted to marry.
SInce last I had the happiness to see your fair face, Cupid hath wounded my heart with those Arrows which he borrowed from your eyes, and unless you will be pleased to give relief to my miseries and pain, which I thereby do undergo both night and day, alas I shall be of all Men most miserable: my humble suit which now I beg is this, that you would be pleased to make me for ever happy by giving me admittance into your sweet Company, and meet my honest and lawful desires with smiles upon your Brow; I shall not court you our of complaisance, but tell you Madam honourably and plainly, that with your good liking I intend to make you my Wife, which if you accept of my serious proposition, I shall for ever be bles [...], and you Madam I hope will never have cause to repent your choice: thus expecting your kind reply; I for this time begging [Page 55]your pardon, do humbly take my leave and remain, Madam
The Ladies Answer.
I Cannot but bless my self with admiration that so wise a Man as your self, should talk so idly to say, that my Eyes have wounded your Heart: I must needs tell you I think you talk of impossibilities, and that want of rest occasions this distraction of mind; you pretend to be no complemental Courtier, yet appear to be the greatest that ever I met with by this your Letter you sent me. I must confess according to equality of Fortunes you outdo me, and I am not of Birth so highly descended, therefore you may presume, that a few words from a person of so much Worth as your self may win so silly a Woman as I am, but flatter not your self with that, for I'le assure you I think as well of my Virginity as the best of them all do, and shall be as loth to part with it except it be upon a good consideration; therefore if you are real as you pretend concerning Marriage, your suit may be accepted, but if otherwise, you take your aim amiss: this till I know you better I hope may suffice from her who is,
A Countrey Farmer's Son to one of his Neighbour's Daughters.
I Must confess ever since you and I drank together last Warm-love Fair, I have had a great affuction for you, insomuch that I cannot rest at night for those sweet kisses we then had together, when we drank the last half pint of White-wine and Sugar: I then perceived that the company of a Woman-kind, was far better than a Mans; and truly now I begin to think my self Man sufficient to have a Wife, and if you think so well of me, as I do of you, we will make no long business of it, for to tell you the truth I am a little in hast, having ever since I saw you, had some strange thoughts and fancies, fits of Love I suppose they be, if not, I'le swear I cannot tell what to call them: Sometimes I dream too, and to be sure it is of you; therefore I think the best way to give me ease is to marry quickly, and after we have seen one another once more, I think it will be time for the old Folks to meet to consult about the bargain, in the mean time I swear I love you dearly, who am
Betty's Answer.
I Must confess you were very kind to me at our last and I took it so, yet I would not have you think me fond, for a young Maid as I am may go to the Tavern with a Neighbour's Son at a publick Fair, and kiss a little too, and yet not be accounted fond I hope: to tell you truly ever since that time I have found a strange alteration in my body and mind, for when I think of you (which is very often) I cannot forbear sighing, insomuch that our folks take notice of me, asking me what's the matter, but indeed they ask me more then I can answer them; only now you put me in mind on't I am verily perswaded that it is Love that people so much talk of; yes it must be Love I am sure of it: I also dream in the Night, and such strange dreams, that I hall not name till we are married, which if the old Men our Fathers do agree, shall be as soon as you please, till then I am,
A Letter to court a young Widdow, who had lately buried her Husband.
TO say your beauty only moves me to love you, would only be to flatter you, or to say you Wisdom was a second cause, I should belye my sel [...] though this I needs must tell you Madam, that I [Page 58]know you are both fair and wise, and that beyond an ordinary comparison, both which are excellent ornaments of Nature; but I look further, Madam; into your actions and find them carried on and guided by that precious Jewel called Virtue, the beauty of the Soul, an excellency by far transcending all endowments; and for that Madam I love and honour you. 'Tis pitty Madam so much youthful worth should any longer be clouded under mourning Weeds, what though your Husband was a kind and loving Man to you in his Life-time, the memory of him ought not to be a trouble to you after his Death, for he receives the comfort of all his good deeds which he did in his Life as a due recompence of a good Christian; therefore Madam your sorrows ought to cease, because he rejoyces in another World; revive your Spirits Madam, and bethink your self that we must live by the quick and not by the dead; therefore we ought to make the best use of our time, not knowing how soon we may be call'd aside, and it would be a great pitty, that we should die and leave the World behind us without some enjoyment of those delights for which we are created to partake of. My humble suit is Madam that you would be pleased to accept my honest Love, and grant my request, which is, that you would think so well of my person as to smile upon my reasonable demands, which are that you would become my Wife, and throw aside all these melancholy thoughts of your dead Husband, and for my further satisfaction Madam, concerning your affections, I beg that you would send me my sentence either for Life or Death, in the mean time I remain,
The Widows Answer.
I Must confess you began to court and complement me very Learnedly, and in my opinion (if I may be my own Judge) in the beginning of your Letter, you writ nothing but the truth: for my beauty cannot move any one to love me, neither will my Wit or Ingenuity be attractive to any Man that is endowed with such super-excellent Wisdom, and with so quick an apprehension as your self: yet I have so good an opinion of my self as to think that I have beauty enough to serve any Man's turn, that is less handsome then I am, and wit enough to know when I am flattered, and how to avoid the deluding temptations of the flatterer, and that I count sufficient for any Woman of so ordinary a quality as my self; as for my Virtues I hope I have my share amongst the rest of my Sex, for which I give God the praise; neither am I proud, that you think or call me virtuous, however I have thus much knowledge as to understand that virtue is an ornament far excelling all beauty or any other natural parts which are but momentary and like a shadow which now appears, and on a sudden vanishes away. 'Tis true my former Husband which is now dead was [...]an honest Man, that you, and all the World that knew him must confess, which is a rare principle amongst you Men to be so, as well as so to be accounted: but I knew more then this, he was to me both loving and kind, as well as honest, and so kind that I scarce believe that he has left his fellow behind him, therefore do not think that sorrow sits so slightly on my brow, as to be blown off with two or three fair promises; Oh no, I cannot so suddenly forget so good a Man, and pitch my mind upon a sec [...] Husband, though I must confess that my youthful Age will [Page 60]not permit me to dany my self a second Husband, but whoever that shall be, that likes me so well as to marry me must stay a while longer, and then without doubt I may be easily entreated if I like the Man, which I know nothing to the contrary but that you may be he. if I find you love me as you say you do, I am Sir
A Merchant to his Factor in the West-Indies.
I Have sent you over some goods for you to dispose of in the Ship called the Woodstrange, Captain Stout Commander; you will find the particulars and the prizes of them, in the Bill herein enclosed, I hope you will give me no occasion to doubt your care in putting of them off to the best advantage; however I think it behoves me to advise you, to have a quick eye to find out how the Markets go with you, and if there is not many of those sorts of Commodities arrived at Virginia (as I hope there is not) then I do not question but you will sell mine at a good advantage; therefore pray be diligent and make an enquiry after those concerns: for in your good management of my affairs in those parts depends my whole livelyhood, I would have you traffick them away for Tobacco only, and return my venture back by the same Vessel, this with my prayers for good success is all at present,
The Factor's Answer.
I Have received those Goods which were mentioned in the Note which you inclosed in your last Letter dated the twenty fifth day of November, one thousand six hundred seventy and five, they came safe to my, hands without the least da [...] [...] and I have disposed of them according to my best judgement, I hope you do not question my best care and double diligence in serving you, who repose so much confidence and trust in me. It happen'd to be just as you imagined, and wisht, for there was very few of those sorts of Commodities arrived at our Port at the time you sent yours, therefore I had the opportunity to put them off at a good rate, and with great advantage: according to your desire, I have returned you back by the same Ship five hundred Hogsheads of Tobacco, which I hope will come safe to London, and if they do I know there will no small profit arise to you by them, thus Sir trusting them to the protection of the Almighty, and the Mercy of the Seas, I rest
A Letter to disswade a Friend from marrying.
I Am informed by a friend of yours and mine also, that you are about to commit Matrimony, I mean to betake your self to House-keeping, and to furnish [Page 62]your house with that monstrous piece of Houshold-stuff called a Wife, which if true, I am wonderfully sorry for you, that for want of better judgement, or at least without more consideration and consultation, you will put your self to that unnecessary charge, truly in my opinion one of those Utensils or Commodities which you please to call them, may very very well supply three or four Families, and you living amongst such good Neighbours it is no question but you might borrow one of some of them, for without doubt when you are marri [...] they will make bold with you upon the same account for conveniencies sake; thus far I think I have spoke to the purpose, now let me advise you a little farther before you undertake this bold attempt and give you some strong reasons to diswade linking your self to such a Serpent that will bite you a thousand ways; to name them particularly would be a task too great, for me to undertake, that is to say, all of them one by one, but some few of them I will demonstrate to thee as a dear Friend: First, her Tongue will command your Will and your humour, and if there should be any opposition to her desires, then she studies how to plague you by her actions; first her commands will be for Money, and more then a necessary sum must be had for such uses as you must not know of, and if you make an enquiry, there shall be no peace in the house for a Month together; Perhaps her lascivious desires may lead her to some merry Meeting, with some of her Neighbouring Gossips, and with them having a while pretty well booz'd, and soak'd their Souls with good brisk Wine, then in steps a Man of the times, a brave Gallant, who seeing your Wife to be young, and something amorous, amongst the rest of this jovial crew he singles her out, and taking her into some [Page 63]more convenient place; where with a few flattering words he entices her to make you a Cuckold, which he calls being kind to him; and thus she revengeth her self on you for not submitting your self to her will in every thing: and 'tis forty to one but she being full of youthful desire does from that very hour conceive with child by her lusty Gallant, and you forced to Father the Brat of another Man's begetting. But to judge more favourably upon that score, suppose that she amongst that small number of her Sex should prove honest, yet you must be sure to expect from her a certain charge and trouble, but an uncertain profit and contentment: You must be sure to maintain her fine, and in gay Apparel beyond her quality and the strength of your purse; else will she turn her back-side to you in bed at night, and if she be not given to scold and rail, then will she be sullen and dogged a whole Week together, and will not speak but frown upon you till you grant her request; Women for the most part being as proud as Lucifer, must be deck'd up with gorgeous Apparel, to be accounted fine and handsome by the rest of their Neighbours, not regarding how mean and sluttish they are cloath'd when they are at home with their Husbands. Then for your House though it be made never so convenient for your use, yet when the Wife comes she pretends to espy a thousand faults in it, and will not let you rest till you have made such alterations as she shall think fit, though it be to the pulling down of the third part of it, and so build it again according to her Form; and then for your furniture, alas it will appear too mean for her Ambition; she must have Tables and Chairs, and Bedsteds with Curtains, and all manner of Houshold goods after the new Mode, and if you deny to do it, she will pick your Pocket and buy them her self, [Page 64]or do something else that is worse. Thus as a Friend I thought fit to admonish you, hoping that you will take it friendly from me; more might be said upon the same subject, but let this suffice from
The Young Man's Answer.
IN good earnest I am sorry to hear that thou hast so great an Aversion to Matrimony, and canst give no greater, nor more substantial reasons why thee and I both ought not to marry and live honestly; In my opinion thou mightest have bestowed thy time a great deal better, then to have wrackt thy brains (as I imagine) no less than a whole days time if not more, to frame a debauch'd Argument, against an honest and Virtuous Woman called a Wife, and under pretence of giving me good Advice and Gounsel, thou rather dost admonish me to practise that rude course of Debauchery, adulterating other honest Mens Wives; but dear Tom have a care of those things, for I cannot think otherways by thy Letter but thou art guilty of that crime which thou so readily perswadest me to commit; and now to acquaint thee with certain News, I must tell you that I am married, and therefore can the better confute thy too silly suppositions, knowing of a certain that all those fictions which thou hast rais'd against Marriage, are false and of no moment; Therefore for thy better Instruction, I shall desire thee to give a diligent attention, whilst I soberly vindicate a married Life and contradict thy foolish Objections gradually [Page 65]as thou hast stated them. First, I say her Tongue cannot, neither is it desired that it should command my will, no further then I shall upon all occasions think fit and reason, if it happens at any time that there is a dispute between us about the management of any small concern, and she perhaps thinks her way best to effect it, and I think mine best; she presently then replyes, prithce Sweet-heart do it how thou pleasest, I only thought good to tell thee my opinion of it; with these and such like expressions she submits to my will, which I think is far from commanding or usurping authority as you term it, but I rather receive comfort by her Tongue then suffer damage, besides Tom I must tell you that my Wife sings well and pronounces her words with such a becoming Grace, that she never speaks nor sings but she ravishes my Soul: So much for the Tongue, and now concerning Money a little touch, be it known to you Sir, she never wants that, for she has the keeping of all I have, therefore hath no occasion to ask me for any, neither does she go to Taverns with Gossips, for we have Wine in our house, and every honest Neighbour is free to drink of it, and thou Tom shalt be welcome to a glass of brisk Claret, or what Wine thou likest best if thou wilt come and see me, neither am I in the least jealous of being a Cuckold, for I am sure I please her so well my self, that she will have no occasion to try and other Man; it is enough for old Men, or those that are feeble and sickly to be jealous of their Wives honesty, because they know themselves not able to give them their due benevolence; I cannot believe that a Woman will make a lusty young Man a Cuckold, if she does in my opinion she deserves to be hang'd. So much for that, and now to sum up all the rest of thy objections which thou hast made against Marriage, in few words I must tell thee, that my Wife and every other honest Woman is contented with her condition in every respect, and will not covet new fangles as thou believest, but is well [Page 66]satisfied with what is decent and comely according to her Husbands quality, and let me acquaint thee Tom with what I have experienced since I have been married, that there is so much comfort, so much delight and pleasure in a Woman when once she is made a lawful Bedfellow that I would not be unmarried again for all the World; thus hoping thou wilt follow my example, I am
An angry Letter sent to his Freind for an affront given at their last meeting.
I Know not what reasons moved you to be so uncivil when you were last in my company, I am sure I gave you no occasion to be so rude, nor to abuse me in such scurrilous Language before all the company that was there present; I expect that you should give me satisfaction by acknowledging your fault, or else shew me the grounds whereon you founded your opprobrious discourse, which if you do I may still continue the same good opinion of you as I have hitherto had, but if otherwise you remain perverse and will make me no satisfaction for what is past, from hence forward I do proclaim my self to be your utter enemy, and shall endeavour to make my self amends the next time that you and I shall meet let the place be where it will, expect no favour from his hands, who is
The Answer.
WHen I opened your Letter it looked so big upon me, that had I not had as good a heart as he that writ it, it would have frightned me into a desperate fit of the Ague; but considering a little with my self and plucking up my spirits instead of trembling, my blood began to burn, and with as great a fury as your self I took my Pen in hand to let you know that what I said at that time was only in a merry humour to recreate my self, and you sitting next to me it seems happened to be the object of my discourse, some of which I am apt to think was very true, the rest was only Jocose; but be it true or false, or what it will I am not much concern'd about it; if this answer will not give you satisfaction, you must expect no other from me; however I shall not fear to come into your company at that place where I us'd to find you,
A Letter to chastise a near Kinsman who is given to Extravagancies.
THe daily noise which rings about the Country of your extravagancies and great debaucheries, causes me at present to write to you, not in anger but by way of advice; desiring that you would [Page 68]see your own folly and learn to be wiser before it be too late: I had thought truly that the University had qualified you better then I perceive it has, for instead of growing better as you grow older, you now grow worse since you went to London; I must confess I have nothing to do with your concerns, only as a Relation and instead of a Father, which indeed you want, to give you good counsel, and to desire you in time to forsake bad company, for they in the end will ruine both Soul and Body; and truly your Estate will soon decay; if you hold on spending as you begin, though at present it is large enough; I wish that Women and Wine be not your Master, which if you avoid I shall not doubt in the least but you will do well enough: How many fine young Gentlemen have I seen that by over-drinking themseives have been brought to ruine and untimely deaths? For when their brains are intoxicated, and the blood inflam'd with high drinking, then are they fit for all manner of vice; some in that mad humour run to common Strumpets, where they get the foul Discase, sometimes uncurable; to their everlasting shame and disgrace: others in that heat of blood engage themselves by oath to kill the next Man they meet, he not giving them the least affront, which brings them deservedly to the publick place of execution to suffer death, the due reward of such crying fins: Therefore dear Cozen let the thought of these things reflect upon your Soul, that you may appear odious and terrible, in your eyes and apprehension, and that God may turn your heart, and let you see the evil of your ways is the prayers of
The young Man's Answer.
I Received your Letter wherein I hear you find scandalous reports of me in the Countrey, I admire who should be the Messenger that brings this ill news to you; I find my reputation is very much abused and if you will be so kind to me as to let me know the Authour of it; I shall make bold to require such satisfaction of him as shall become a Gentleman to demand. I am apt to think that you ground those ill characters you give me upon suspicion; for certainly no Man nor Woman can be so audacious as to blaze abroad such infamous and undeserved calumnies without the least ground for their so doing; however I am not the first that has been abused in this Nature. I thank God I know my self clear of those great enormities which are alledged against me and laid to my charge, which is a real satisfaction to my self, though not to you and the rest of my friends; and if I may be believed before those insinnating Sycophants who value not to stain a Mans Reputation for a meals Meat: I think I am as little given or addicted to keep ill company as any Gentleman in Town, I cannot deny but that I do drink Wine and will do if I can git Money to buy it, and I hope I shall not want so much as will purchase a bottle or two of Wine all my Life-time, but if perchance I do I must then leave it off and not before; yet thus much I can safely say, that I never drunk so much, that I was thereby deprived of my senses though I know there is too many which are guilty of that crime. But as for a common Whore or Strumpet as you call them, I defie and hate like the Devil; neither am I a great admiver of any Woman-kind though never so honest, therefore free from those debaucheries you lay to my charge; However I [Page 70]give you many thanks for your good admonition and desire that you will be satisfied that I am not the Man that report says I am,
A Letter from a Countrey Shopkeeper to a Grocer in London for Commodities.
I Received the last goods you sent me but they were not so good as I expected, whether I must impute it to be your fault in not sending the best, or whether those sort of commodities are not generally so good as they used to be some other years I cannot easily resolve my self; however I am not willing to harbour an ill opinion of you presently, but am resolved to try you farther, therefore I would desire you to send me down by the next return of our Carrier four hundred weight of the best new Raisins of the Sun, two frails of Malago Raisins, and the same quantity of each sort of Spice as you sent me last, pray let them be all very good else you will quite disoblige me for dealing with you any more; I have not sent you any Money, but do intend God willing to be in Town my self about a Month hence, and then I will bring Money and clear all concerns between us; no more at present but that I am
A Letter from the London Grocer to his Countrey Chapman.
I Received your Letter, and according to your desire I have sent you down those Commodities you writ to me for, they are all of the very best and I doubt not but will give you very good content; as for those which I sent you formerly which you find fault with, I was not to be blam'd for they were the very choicest I had then in my Shop, and I dare boldly say as good as any Man had in London at that time, though I cannot say they were as good as these are which I have sent you now, you need not question but my care shall be to serve you to the best of my power; as for your Money you need not so much as mention it, for I know your pay to be very good and will trust you as far as you shall desire your self: I would desire you to keep account in your Book what Goods you receive from me, that when we come to reckon there may be no difference betwixt us; thus wishing you good Markets, I rest
A Letter from a Citizen to his Friend in the Countrey to send him up an Apprentice.
I Being now made a Freeman of London, have taken a House and Shop, and my greatest want at present is a Countrey Lad that would willingly put himself an Apprentice to our Trade, I do not question that if you will be pleased to make a small enquiry amongst some of your Neighbours; but that you may hear of an honest Boy that will be for my turn, the usual rate which we commonly have is forty pounds and seven years service, ours being a good Trade and not very laborious; besides for our credits sake we must keep our Servants in no ordinary Apparel as some other small Trades do. I leave it to your discretion to give such a Character of me as you shall think I deserve, and none I think can give a better account of my Life and Conversation then your self, you having known me from my childhood. When you write to me, direct your Letter to be left for me at the Windmill in St. John's street, thus with my Love to your Wife and self I am
The Countrey-man's kind Answer.
I Am glad to hear that you are settled in the world, and according to your desire, I have made a diligent enquiry for a boy to serve you as an Apprentice, and now at last I have heard of one that I hope may be for your turn, he comes of very honest Parentage, and seems to be a sober Lad; his Father hath brought him up to Learning all his time, insomuch that he is reckoned a very good Scholar of his Age, he is sixteen years old and pretty well grown, but all that they scruple at is about the Money, they like the Trade well enough but are not very willing to give forty pounds with him; however they are resolved upon that good Character that I have given you, that the Boy shall come up next Week and be a while with you upon Tryal, and afterwards if the Boy like you and the Trade and you approve of him; I do not much question but they will agree with you upon those terms which you have proposed; no more at present but wishing you prosperity I am
A Letter of advice for health.
I Am very well satisfied that you are seldom well in health whilst you live in London, and if I may be a competent Judge, I suppose I know the grounds [Page 74]and reasons of your sickness which are twofold, in the first place, I imagine that the City Air is not agreeable to your constitution, and not only with you, but it is disagreeable to thousands more, and especially to those that are not naturaliz'd in it, and bred up there, it choaks them up. Another reason is that because you have but little or no employment, you are forced to be continually in company which draws you to drinking either at the Tavern or the Ale-house by reason whereof you loose your Stomach, that you seldom have an Appetite to cat, which much disorders your body; therefore let me advise you for your healths sake to betake your self to a Countrey Life, you know you may be welcome to me at all times, who am
The Gentleman's Answer.
I Must censess that you have always been so generous and obliging to me, that now it remains on my behalf to study some way to gratifie all those unmerited favours which I have received from you and your good Wife, and truly I am apt to think that you like a skilful Doctor have found out the principal causes of all my grievances, and have prescribed a most safe and courteous remedy for my cure, and should I refuse to make use of your kind and free prosser I should be found injurious to my self, and basely ungrateful to so good a Friend; therefore so soon as I have dispatcht some small concerns [Page 75]here in Town and taken leave of my Friends, you may expect me in the Countrey, let me beg the favour of you to send me up a Horse, for I cannot endure to ride in the Coach; thus with my hamble service to your self and second self I am
A Letter to his Friend in praise of his Mistress.
LOng time have I rambled about this vain World, and have visited most of those Nations and Islands to which our Merchants traffick, and the chiefest of my business hath been to find out a Woman that I could like well enough to make her my Wife, to tell you a long Narration of my Travels and of the dangerous Voyages I have undergone, where I have seen grim death come tumbling to me in a monstrous Wave ready to devour me in a moment; or if I should tell you of a thousand more difficulties which I have escaped 'twould fill a Ream of Paper instead of one sheet: therefore omitting all those dolesome Histories for brevities sake (though had I a convenient time they would be worth repeating) I shall only proceed to tell you that at length I have obtained a Mistress, one that I intend to marry and make my Wife, and now I will begin to make a description of her beauties: She is a Woman and a fair one too, and so fair she is that all that ever saw her admire her beauty; her Features in her Face are so excellent, that [Page 76]should the best of Painters strive to draw them out to the life, he would wrong her beauty much; for all his Art could never form so rare a Creature: her Cheeks with red and white so neatly deckt that you would think the Lilly and the Rose did strive in them which should have the Victory, till at length they both being conquerours conjoyn together, and center there to make one perfect beauty: Her eyes like two refulgent Diamonds are placed above to cast a splendant lustre on her sweet comely face: Her Coral Lips that close her pretty Mouth are of an equal size, neither too thick nor yet too thin; Her Teeth more White then is the Ivory, like to two Rows of inestimable Pearl stand in a decent order in her Mouth, none striving for preheminence above their fellows. Her Hair which on this Globe of Wisdom grows more White then is the best of Flax by far, and softer then the unwrought Silk that comes from the Bowels of the labouring Silk-worm, like to the smallest threds of Silver hangs two handfulls down below her slender Wast; Her Neck an Ivory Pillar is on which this Globe doth stand, but whiter is by far, her Arms two branches are, which do proceed forth from the bottom of her Neck for to defend and keep secure that curious piece her Face: Her Breasts like to two little Hills are placed on either side of a most fruitful Valley; Her Belly round and smooth but not too big, and underneath, oh there dear Jack, oh there the place of pleasure grows; but hold rude Pen forbear to nominate or once to mention any more of that, for fear great Jove should be my Rival too, and on his Ganymede come hovering down and take away my Jewel of such worth. Now last of all to let you understand this lively Fabrick is not mute nor dumb, she has a Voice that should you hear her sing, ravisht [Page 77]with Admiration you would think the Spheres conjoyned with Heavenly Harmony to lend you Musick to delight mankind: Thus take her altogether I leave you to judge, whether she may not compare with Venus if not excel her, this is the Mistress of my Heart and Soul; and though I have tarryed long to find her out, yet I cannot choose but think my time well spent having met with this fair Jewel now at last: and now dear Jack to consummate my happiness, I invite you to my Nuptials where you shall take a view of my all charming Bride, and for once bless your self at the sight of Natures most adored Master-piece: Next Munday we have appointed to be our happy Wedding-day that we may begin our joys in the beginning of the Week; I shall expect your good Company, therefore pray do not fail me, for I shall think my self much honoured in your presence; thus with my humble service presented to your dear self with the rest of my good Friends that live with you, I begging your pardon for this tedious Epistle, do take my leave and subscribe my self,
His Friend's merry Answer, praising his foul Mistress by the contraries.
I Received your large Epistle wherein I understand that you have been a great Traveller, sine? I saw you to search after a handsome woman that you could fancy well [Page 78]enough to make her your Spouse, I am heartily glad that you have been so successful at length to meet with such an Angel-like Beauty, which if all be true as you have reported to me she is to be admired above all the Women in the whole world, but however if she should not be altogether so amiable and glorious as you relate her to be, I cannot so much blame you; for it is but verifying the Proverb which we use here in England, which is, that Old Men and Travellers may Romance by authority, I will not say lie Tom for that is a gross word, and I very well remember that my Master once did whip me severely for giving one of my School-fellows the lie, which will be a memorandum for me as long as I live, for you know that according to another Proverb the burnt Child dreads the fire, so much for that: Now I will also give you a full description of my Mistress which I have pickt up in your absence if you will: I did not go far to seek her, for she had such a monstrous love for me that she began to declare her affections to me first after this manner; Kind Sir quoth she, though it is not the custom among us English women to make our application to Men for any thing, though we have never so much mind to it, yet I think it is a great wrong to our whole Sex; for we may stay long enough before you will proffer us any kindness now a days, I am sure I can speak with sorrow upon my own account that I have been marriageble above these twenty years, and never yet was askt that reasonable question by any Man, I know not what should be the reason of it, I am not so much deformed but that I may be beloved; however what I want in beauty, I am sure I can make good in Estate, for I have Lands and Livings with Baggs of Gold and Silver innumerable; therefore my suit to you dear Sir is that you would be pleased to take pitty on a distressed Virginity, by making of me your lawful Wife for now I begin to hate a single Life. I hearing [Page 79]of this Voice which did something imitate that of a seriech-Owl, and looking in her ruful face know not at present what answer to return my Gentle-woman, at length Tom considering of those infinite number of Baggs of Gold and Silver, besides a visible Estate in Houses and Land, Isaith, I began to make much on her, and taking her to a Tavern I treated her with a small collation where I could perceive that she would tope stoutly, however to prosecute m [...] design concerning the baggs Tom, I humour'd her in every thing? insomuch that I promis'd her Marriage upon these turns; that she would make a full discovery of all the Baggs, and give [...] me in my own keeping, and also that she should give me a clear possession of all her Houses and [...] the next Court-day, delivering up all Writings into my cuscady all which she willingly granted, and after the Court was past and I made Possessor of all she had, the next day I married with her privately, giving the World leave to laugh at her deformity whilst I make merry with my pretty young Doxy abroad. But to shew that I am not asham'd of her Tom, I'le describe her shape and features to you, and afterwards you may compare [...] can Spouse with mine if you can: Her pretty Cheeks not round nor red nor white, but long and broad inclining to the yellow: Her rouling Eyes like those of a fine Calf which I have seen of six weeks old but bigger: her Nese in comely wise like to the beak of a lovely Owl beads down unto her Neck, which well [...] searc [...] can per [...], for her [...]ing So [...]ers do support [...] Breasts like to the well [...]teir'd [...]gs of [...] Father's old [...]y'd Cow, [...] at [...] with a full bagg: H [...]r [...] Pe [...]ly [...] are—that when I went to bugg her both my Arms [...] my prets [...] And [...] her Belly [...]m [...]— for I know you'l long to have a touch at that: Oh there [Page 80]is pleasure Tom! such pleasure just as Ixion had when he embraced a Cloud: And now dear Tom, I have acquainted you with all her excellencies, if you long for any part about her, come over and take it freely; for I will be sure to come to your Wedding, where I shall expect the same freedom,
A Letter full of Complements.
I Being so infinitely obliged to you for those innumerable favours which you from time to time have been pleased to confer upon me, in common gratitude can do no less but make an humble acknowledgement in token of my great thankfulness [...] [...]hose unmerited kindnesses; having no other way to retaliate them at present but by telling you, that your unworthy Servant will be always ready at your command to obey and serve you to the very utmost of my poor power and ability, my daily prayers shall be that you may be ever prosperous in this World, and that you may receive the due reward of your Charitable Acts and good Hospitality in the World to come; what else I can say or do which may conduce to your happiness and add to your contentment, I ever shall be ready to act and pray for; thus desiring that at present you will be pleased to accept of my well-wishes and this small Token which I have sent you, which is a Barrel of Oysters; I heartily recommend you to the protection [Page 81]of the Almighty, who is the only keeper and preserver of all Men and all things, I take my leave presuming to write my self,
The Sommerset-shire Man's clownish Answer in their own Countrey Language.
I Received a piece of Paper from you, which I think Volks call a Letter, but when I pulled it open I am zure I could not tell wone letter in it; I gave it to wone of our Neighbours; that is to zay, wone of our Town; that is to zay, wone that dwells within two or three doors of our door a little thick way; and he being a better Scholard than my present zelf made hard shift to pick out the words, but the Devil a bit of zense can I vind in it, you talk of obliging and vavours, in my Conscience Zir you be not like me wont jot, nor do I vavour you at all; you also talk of gratitude and merits: I'le zwear I do not know what to make of your Lingua, my Neighbour tells me that it is Latin and I wonder that you would write Latin to me, you know I cannot stand under it; and in truth you shall be no zervant of mine; I will have no zuch zervants: as for your writing our Volks put it in the Virt, and vor those shells you zent I know not how you call them, I een mended our do or with them, and zo I thank you vor em, when you come again you shall be welcome to your old Friend,
A loving Letter sent to a Gentle-woman.
IN what a multitude of sorrows I am involved since you went out of Town no Tongue is able to express, nor Pen to write; Had you commanded me with open breast to have stood before you whilst you had took my own Sword and had pierced my now bleeding heart, I could then more willingly have suffered a death by your hand, then thus long to undergo a continual torment for want of your good company: Ah Madam! you know my Heart is with you, how can you be so cruel to make me heartless? live thus long without you, can you forget those pleasant Evening hours which we together spent beguiling time which gently slid away; the silent night not daring to disturb our harmless mirth and innocent delight; whilst on my knees you sate, my loving Arms did circle round and gently grasp your small and tender body, you sometimes would ravish all my sences with a Song, whilst I amazed at your warbling Notes charmed to a silence, and gaz'd upon your powerful sparkling eyes, whose double lustre would pierce a heart more hard and more obdurate then is the Adamant: Then Madam, then stealing of a kiss was not content but rob'd you still of more; I kist so long that I at length perceiv'd my self to be the looser; for all that time my heart and soul departed from my breast and vow'd they would possess a nobler Room; then into your sweet bosom both did fly and begg'd an entertainment which you gave, and seem'd to cherish them with warm desire: I was content, and was glad they had made choice of you [Page 83]to he their Guandian; provided I might be a visitant to come and see they no disorders bred within your quiet breast. But now alas dear Madam! you have left me comfortless, I am left to sigh and and breath my passion out unto the open Air without redress; and cannot comfort find till you return: Then Madam on my knees I beg, return, and give me ease, unless you do intend to be my death by staving longer from me; thus to the powers above I do commit you, desiring you to pity him who is
The Gentle-womans kind Answer.
LEt not your passion over-much disturb your rest and quiet: sleep secure and know that I an equal sharer of your grief, do sigh and mourn in private all alone, not daring to disclose my unknowne waes unto the open Air, far fear some blast should whisp [...] this my discontent; I am therefore forc'd to bide my mistries, and for a time conceal my Inward pain [...] then undergo the angry s [...]owns of an unkind Father; whom I fear would count my loving you a disobedience; My study is to run a safer course, and by degrees to penetrate the Breast of my indulgent Mother; telling her the noble love which I bear in my b [...]som is placed on you, and none but you alone shall make her Daughters Bride, then on my knees I'le beg of her to mollifie the fury of my too rigurous Father, who hath forgot since be [Page 84]first trod the paths of youthful love: My hopes are still that she will moderate his strict severity and make him yeild to gratifie our loves by his good will and make us ever happy with his blessing; who knows but these my hopes may take effect? My Mother loves me with a tender love, and when she sees my resolution fixt to marry you, and with no other Man, I know she'l never rest till she overcome my Father with entreaties to be kind; Then will our meeting be again with joy: But if at last my expectations sail and that my Father will not give consent we should enjoy each other, yet be sure I'le never leave my Dear until cold Death shall seize my body, and from thence divide my Heart and Soul which are not in his power: them I'le bequeath to thee my dearest Love, for they indeed already are thy own; I know I have thy loving Heart and Soul within my Breast, where they shall safely dwell: My Father's cruelties shall not molest their happy being, neither will I long detain them at this distance from my Love: For let my aged Parents frown or smile, within this Month I'le fly into thy Arms and never part till floods of joyful tears have washt away all sorrows from our hearts and hands; that nought but Death shalt part us, In true constancy
A Letter from a Gentle-woman to her Husband, who had buried her Child in the Country.
I Must now acquaint you with sorrowful and I suppose unexpected news, if tears and sighs of a broken hearted Wife will give me leave to write to you; which is, that cruel death who favours neither infancy, youth nor old Age, has deprived us of our pretty sweet boy, which was the only joy and comfort of our lives; and truly grief has almost done its worst with me, for I bewailing of this our great loss am brought so low, that I think I shall scarce recover my self to be able ever more to come again and see thee; his sickness held him but three days before he died, else I had sent you word; but now it is too late, for we shall never see him more: I borrowed Money of my Landlady (where I am) to bury him in a decent manner, therefore I would desire you to come down as soon as you can and bring Money with you to discharge what here I stand engaged for, no more but that I am
Her Husband's Answer.
I Must consess this unerpected News goes nigher to my heart then if I had lost all that ever I had or am like to have in this World; that having but one sweet Child we should be deprived of him so on a sudden, however we must be contented with those afflictions that God is pleased to lay upon us, let me desire you to bear it as patiently as you can, and cast not your self down with grief; for now he is gone, all the sorrow and mourning in the whole World will avail us nothing, nor stand us in no stead, for he is gone to him that first gave him [...]s, and cannot be reached by mortal Man; therefore prithee be comforted and rest thy self contented, and I will come down as soon as possibly I can, and bring Money with me to discharge what there thou owest, and do intend if thou art able to travel to take thee up to London with me, in the mean time I rest
A Letter to congratulate a Friend's happy return from his long Journey.
A Thousand welcomes to your Native Country, where every heart during that redious time which you were absent selt no little grief, but every one lamented their great loss in missing you our [Page 87]true and faithful Friend: Your presence caus'd an awful reverence, and made the vicious and obnoxious Man to creep and slink away his head in private; and now again we on the self-same score who are your friends, at this your safe return are blest with joy and gladness: But I above the rest of your wellwishers have double cause to thank auspicious Heaven, who safely has conducted you at length to this our Shore; where being arrived each creature does congratulate your safe return; I now can say I have a Friend and Father to give me counsel when I stand in need of it, this Letter does but serve dear Friend to let you know that now I have notice of your happy arrival, I would not only by my Pen bid you welcome home, but by my words and actions in your presence express my joy and humble thankfulness to Heavens Divinity in taking care of so much Loyalty and bringing back our Captain, which having missed and been without so long, we your poor Souldiers languishing betwixt hope and despair did fear you had been lost; but now you are come, the Bells in a loud harmony shall ring your welcome home all day and night; the Martial Drums shall beat aloud your Fame; The Silven Trumpets with shrill Notes shall sound your praise forth with honour and renown, thus shall you ride Triumphant through the streets until you come to your most sumptuous Castle long desolate for want of your abode, where at your approach the deep mouth'd Canon with their thund'ring voice shall bid all hail to you their valorous Master; thus praying Sir for your continuance with us, I take leave at present and remain
The Captain's thankful Answer sent to his friend exprest with many Complements.
YOu cannot be more joyful at my safe return, then I am glad to hear that yet you live, and living are in health, that once again we may embrace each other with true Love and Friendship, such as is inseparable, had I been a Woman and unknown to you; your Rhetorick would have given me a sufficient cause to think and suspect that you had flattered me; but being a Man and knowing well your former friendship and true affection which you ever did bear to me, unworthy of so great favours; must needs imagine that your joys are real, and since that blessed Heaven now at length has safely brought me to my Native Country; the chiefest of my studies shall be to render my self worthy of those praises which you have been pleased to put upon me, and make my presence acceptable to my honest Countrey-men; and more especially to you my dear Friend whom I long to see; for friendship at a distance though never so real cannot enjoy it self, with that true happiness and sweet content, as that which mutually conjoyns and meets together; then let me beg of you to make no delay, but let me have your company at my Castle, where you shall be my guest for one six months; I also must entreat you not to come alone but let your virtuous Bride accompany you, with your good Son, where you shall be sure to find the same welcome as you give me at this my safe arrival; And when we are together, I will give you a true and persect account of all my travels, what dangers I have escaped and what recreations I have had ever since I left you and [Page 89]departed from my dear Countrey, thus expecting your coming I at present remain
A hasty Letter to his Cousin.
I Am informed that you intend to let your house and put off all your stock, and betake your self to a private Lodging; I much wonder what you mean and intend by so doing, I doubt you go unadvisedly about those concerns; I know not how the case stands with you: However I imagine that a little good counsel in this matter would have done you no harm but good; you know it is an old saying, that it is good to look before we leap, and not to run precipitously hand over head, and not regard what you are going about: However if it prove well I shall like it well, and all will be well; but if it succeed contrary to your expectation, blame not me nor any body else, but your own self. However now you cannot contradict but that according to the Latin Proverb Praemonitus, praemunitus: Forewarn'd, forearm'd; and that is all that I can say to you at present who am in hast,
The Answer in haste.
IN haste I thank you for your hasty Letter, and though my present business be in hast concerning my hasty removing from my house, yet not quite so hasty as not to consider what I am about to do: I do not much question but that I have had the approbation of as wise Men as your self concerning the management of this business, and they with me do all of them agree that I have enough to live upon, without incumbring my self with a multiplicity of business, and get but little by it; besides if I should continue House-keeping, I should be ruined, for there is such a gang of flatterers and dissemblers of my kindred, and others that haunt my house, that in a short time they would eat me out of house and home; therefore I think it is better to betake my self to a private Lodging in hast, then by delays to stay longer where I am and be undone by them; I am
A Letter sent to a Friend condoling his long continued sickness.
I Am very sorry and much grieved to hear that you thus long have lain languishing on the bed of sickness; my heart participates of your dolorous miseries, feeling by way of sympathy the self same [Page 91]torment which you undergo; but that alas I doubt won't give you ease, though 'tis a seeming comfort (or rather I may say a satisfaction) to be pittyed by our Friends. Let me admonish you to take the advice of the best Learned and most eminent Physician that you know of; and be not concerned for parting with your Money, though sickness I know is very chargeable, yet well you know now by sad experience that the perfect enjoyment of your health is far more pleasant and delightful then baggs full heaped with Gold and Silver; therefore be not sparing of your Coyn, so far as it may be available and conducing to the procuring of your welfare: and that you may recover your former strength shall be the Players of
The sick Man's thankful Answer.
THe very sight of your most cordial Letter did give somi ease to my distressed miseries, for which you have the kind and hearty thanks of a sick and almost dying Man; 'tis long since I considered that worldly wealth is but dross, neither do I esteem of it as any comfort only to procure those necessaries, which while we live on earth we stand in need [...]; for well I know that when my breath is departed from me, and my blood grown cold, and death hath brought my body to the Grace; that then the wealth of Croe us will not avail me any thing, nor stand me in any stead: My heart is [Page 92]fixed now upon a better subject; which is, that after Death my Soul may find rest and comfort in another World whither now I am going, endeavouring to repent of all my past sins, consulting with my Maker concerning my happiness; for he is the best and only Physician that can give ease to those my sore afflictions: this as a farewel to you I do send, who am
A Letter to perswade a Friend to betake himself to business.
VVHen I consider the many inconveniencies that are incident to those that live remisly and have no employment, it puts me in mind of your Life and Conversation; and to deal plainly and honestly with you like a Friend, I am very sorry to see that idleness has taken such possession of your mind that you will betake your self to no business; but just like a Swine you eat and drink what is set before you, but never endeavour to get Money to buy more: Suppose you have enough barely to live upon in time of your Families health; that ought not to be all the care that you should take, for it behoves every Master of a Family to provide and lay up something against a rainy day as they say; that is, against sickness or any other casualty that may happen to you before you die, besides already you have two Children pretty Babes, and it may please God to send you more; which when they [Page 93]come to bigness and ripeness of Age will expect that you should give them a portion according to their education, which must be Gentily for your own repute and credits sake; all which will cost you no small sum of Money, and when your Estate comes to be divided amongst three or four it will be but a slender maintenance for them all; my advice is therefore that you forthwith employ your stock of Money in some honest way which you understand, and that will improve your fortune by careful industry with some small pains, which will be very advantageous for your bodily health; for always to sit still and do nothing but eat and drink, and sleep; corrupts the blood and will impair your health. I know you understand the way of malting well, now I should think that it would be a fine recreation to you for to ride up and down the Markets to buy in Corn at the best season of the year, and so keep Men to manage your business at home; thus might you busie your self and reap the fruits and benefits of your own labour; besides it would be mighty commendable and credible for you to be accounted a Man of business, and if perhaps this way of dealing does not answer your expectation as to matter of profit; you may soon lay it aside and betake your self to something else that you fancy will be more advantageous to you; for there is a thousand ways for a Man that has ready Money to improve it, and gain more by it then at the rate of six per Cent to let it out to Usury; besides if you got never so little by your employment, yet I would have you follow it, for it will keep you from idleness which is the Mother of shame and beggery; more might be said of that, but I suppose you understand enough of those things, if you would but practise according to your knowledge; be sure to [Page 94]give your Children learning, and when they are big enough put them out to Apprentice, for then they may live without your assistance; where they have gotten a good Trade if they prove good Husbands they may obtain great preferment: this for your Father's sake I advise you, for indeed upon his Death-bed he desired me to give you good Counsel who am
His Friends Answer in short.
I Kindly thank you for your good advice whether I am guilty or not guilty of what you task me with; Nevertheless I judge charitably of you and your well-wishes, that I think no less but that you write to me out of pure love; I must confess that hitherto I have not settled my self to any publick business nor have I been concerned much in worldly affairs, being something cautious how I dispose of my Money, but since it is your wise opinion that it will be for my advantage to put my self into some manner of dealing; I'le shew my willingness in being obedient to your commands, and next acquit my self of that ignominious and reproachful companion called Idleness, for it in it thing I hate, had I an employment whereby I might busie my self, for I have an active, not a sluggish Soul: as for my Children, Sir, it behoves me to take care of their welfare, and it was [Page 95]always my purpose to bring them up to Learning, and afterwards to put them to good Trades, however I thank you for your friendly admonition, and remain,
A Letter from an Elder Brother to the Younger reproving him of Extravagancies.
'TIs strange to me to see you run these courses: except a Man was mad, surely he would not make all the hast he could to his own destruction; you are wise enough to know that those extravagancies will certainly ruine you if you proceed and do not give a timely check to your immoderate and immodest desires, for shame leave off your drunkenness before it be too late, whilst yet you have something left to maintain you like a Man, for when all is gone, you then perhaps may with sorrow sigh and wish you had been wiser and not mispent your time and Money, but you will find no redress nor pity from any body, as for my own part if you will not take up and become a sober Man I will not own you for my Brother, neither will I countenance nor assist you in the least in any thing that you shall take in hand, but if you mend your Life you shall assuredly find me to be
The younger Brother's Answer.
I Am so far from thanking you for your advice that I must needs tell you, that I am wonderful sorry for your ignorance; I bless God for those natural parts he hath given me, and next I thank my good old Father (which I bope is now in Heaven) for bringing me up to Learning, that now I can see above the reach of such illiterate Asses as your self: alas for you! that which you call drunkenness and extravaganty, I can make appear is the better part of Man; his very Life and Soul, it is to converse with such Men that are aiery and brisk, those Men are full of Wit, Reason and right understanding: We over two or three Bottles of brisk Wine can compass round the spacious Earth, or when we please can give a reason how to fathom the deep gulph of the Red Sea; or soar aloft with reason and sound judgement, and take a view of those Heavenly Constellations, taking the circumference of the broad fac'd Sun, and track his pale fac'd Sister in her nightly paths, and give the substantial grounds of her monthly mutability; taking the exact magnitude of every Star; and tell you which are fixed Planets, and which are moveable; calling them all familiarly by their Names: This we such drinkers can perform and more, which should I name, you would think me mad indeed: and but only that you are my elder Brother, I should scarce forbear to call you Fop or Fool who envy at those who practise that which your shallow brains are never able to attain to: but just like a Carriers horse you have but one pace, a softly jogging on in the self same Road, which you have trod in ever since your Infancy: Neither will you be put out of your Road nor pace, but will continue at [Page 97]the old rate in spight of reason and discretion, who are your utter enemies, insomuch that you cannot abide them, but hate them with a perfect hatred; nor will you suffer them to come within your doors: Oh blind stupidity! 'tis well my Father left thee a good Estate; else hadst thou been left to live by thy Wits, I am sure thou must have starved the first week after his decease: but he was a wise Man that did foresee those infirmities that hou wast born to, and so prevented poverty from coming to thy doors; yet thou with fear of want canst scarcely rest, and without cruse dost thou pinch thy self and thy Family, not having Wit enough to know one half of that Estate which thou hast left thee, nor how to make the best use of it; that so thou wilt miserably live to thy Lives end, though indeed thou canst not want: prithee Brother let me advise thee to leave thy babling in pretending to give me counsel, and I think the better way will be to come and live with me, or let me come and live with you, and leave but the management of thy Estate to my disposing, I'le warrant thee we will live like Princes, and never want any thing else that Money can obtain: and this I am sure will be the best for thee to live at content, for now I know you live in fear; thus wishing that you would take my counsel is all at present from
A Letter sent from a London Quaker to one of his Countrey Brethren.
IN the breathings forth of the Spirit I write unto thee, to let thee know that blessed be the God of all power, I and my Family with the rest of our dear Brothers and Sisters of thy acquaintance are in sound and perfect health, and do enjoy our meetings with peace and quietness, free from the disturbance of the enemy; our Assemblies do encrease exceedingly: Our Friend John has been much with us of late, being wonderfully carried forth in the Ministry to the Conversion of many Infidels; thou knowest that he is a precious heart, and in the Spirit of meekness doth overcome their perverse Natures: Salute me to our dear Friend thy Wife, poor innocent Soul my Bowels do yearn towards her, and verily I have a great affection for her; she is a pretty Lamb and I long to visit her, for truly that last kindness which she shewed unto me when she was last in Town, cannot, nay must not be forgot; prithee dear Friend send her to Town again, and I shall be very free to entertain her who am
The Country Quaker's Answer.
I Am rejoyced at these tydings which thou hast sent me in thy sweet Epistle, for it is a great refreshing to my inward parts to hear of the welfare of our Friends and Brethren, with our Holy Sisters; but more especially I do rejoyce that truth encreaseth so much amongst you, I know our Friend John is very powerful in the Ministry, and verily we want him much amongst us, having not seen him this six months; insomuch that the Sisterhood about us do bewail his absence thus long: for they thou knowest are often troubled with failings, and want to be strengthened daily with powerful Men; however I know he cannot come until the Lord doth send him, and then he will not tarry: I question not honest George, thy kindness to my Wife, for she indeed hath signified so much to me and does speak of coming up to London within six days: Salute me to thy Wife and Family and to the rest of our Friends, and that is all at present from
A Letter of excuse.
I Must beg your pardon that I could not be so good as my word in waiting on you yesterday, for an extraordinary business of great importance sell out [Page 100]just as I was coming to you, and prevented me of the great happiness of seeing you and enjoying your good company; however I know your good Nature will forgive what I could not perform, and on that I rely; giving my self an assurance of a smile and not a frown when I see you next, which shall be the very first opportunity I can steal from my urgent affairs, having no greater felicity then to be in your good company, and do take it as a great favour that my unworthy presence is thought acceptable to a person of so great honour and worth as your self, but that is your humility to condescend to my undeserts: But lest I should seem to be too prolix and tedious in making my Apology, I for this time humbly desist and write my self
The Gentleman's Answer.
YOu need not have given your self the trouble to make Apology for your not coming to me according to your promise, for I have had too large an experience of your love and friendship towards me, to believe that any frivolous concerns could have detained you from making good your ward; neither am I so injudicious but that I know full well that business must not be neglected to visit Friends, nor would I be so injurious to your interest, to disoblige or hinder you from prosecuting your earnest affairs, though I must confess that I take a great delight in your company; therefore I desire of you [Page 101]to be so kind to me, as to let me enjoy you as often as conveniency will permit and give leave; I design next Wednesday if health continue to go down to my Countrey-house and hunt a Buck; and if you have leisure from your own occasions, pray favour we with your pleasant Society, your welcome I hope you will not question from
A Letter sent to a Gentleman in way of Petition.
AMongst the rest of your charitable Acts and deeds, I humbly beg that you would be pleased to grant me one small boon, and for ever make me happy, and obliged to pray for you; which is, that you would accept of me your unworthy Servant so well, that I may succeed my Father in that Office, which whilst he was living did enjoy, who is now dead and buried; and I question not but that I shall officiate and behave my self so well, that you shall not hereafter repent you, that you did countenance and shew me any kindness in this matter, but with all humility I shall carry my self obliging towards you and the rest of those worthy Gentlemen that are therein concerned. I know Sir that it lies in your power to stand my friend in this business, and I hope you will be pleased to think me capable of what I make my request to you for, being brought up and educated under my Father in the same way; my industry and diligence [Page 102]with humble gratitude shall ever attend you, whilst I am Sir,
The Gentleman's Answer.
I Am very sorry to hear of your Father's Death, the last time that be and I were together truly I little thought or imagined that he was so nigh his end, though I must confess that he was pretty well stricken in years, you may assure your self that for his sake and your own also I will do you any kindness that lies in my power, and though the management of this concern does not wholly depend on my single choice and approbation; there being several other Gentlemen you know which are equally concerned with me in the same business, yet I do not question in the least but that they will freely condescend to my propositions in your behalf, therefore rest your self contented for a while, and doubt not but that you may succeed your Father in this place, and when we meet together you may be confirmed according to your desire; no more at present but remain
A Letter from a Gentleman to a Countrey School-master concerning putting his Son to School with him.
ALthough I have not had the happiness as yet to be well acquainted with you, yet your good works have rendred you famous to my opinion, having partly understood some of your excellent qualifications in educating youth by some of my near Neighbours, who have been concerned with you by committing their children to your tuition and government; which by evident examples you have demonstrated that you have taken no small pains and care in order to their benefits, for I find they have made a good proficiency considering their time and Age; I have a Son Sir about ten years of Age that I intend to commit to your charge very suddenly, therefore I would desire you to govern him according as you shall find him well or ill disposed, not with too much severity nor too much lenity, and I shall be willing to answer any reasonable demands as you shall desire both for his board and Schooling; pray send me word if you please to accept of him, and I will speedily come down along with him, who am
The Answer.
I Must confess you are a Stranger to me, nevertheless I am bound by the rules of civility to give you thanks for your good opinion of me; however I hope if you ever make trial of what you have hitherto but only had by reports, that I shall make good that Character which your Neighbours have given to your own satisfaction and belief. If you please to bring your Son down to me Sir I shall be very careful of him as I am of all others which I take in hand, and I doubt not in the least but that we shall quickly agree upon terms: I have conveniency enough to entertain him, and we live in a very good wholesome Air; I never had a Boy that lodged in my house return home sick since I kept School, which is now about sixteen years since: Yet I have entertained many good Mens Sons; as for his disposition I shall soon learn and find out what temper he is of, and accordingly shall have an eye towards him; thus till I see you Sir I remain
A Letter to a Gentle-woman with a Ring sent as as token.
I Here present you with the true Emblem of my love, it is a Ring which represents my Love to you is endless, that though you frown upon me and seem to slight my proffered services, yet still my Love endures as firm as at the first; neither can all your angry denyals to my long continued sute alter or change my loving resolution. This Ring is Gold the purest of all Metals, which signifies (if that you please to take it so) that my Love is pure, and the purest of all Love; not tainted nor corrupted with any thoughts of worldly interest, but 'tis your love alone Madam that I ask; how can you be so cruel to your adorer, one that takes no delight in any Creature living, but your self. I dare not call you unkind nor speak the least ill thing against you, for my love is so great that I cannot call your disdain unworthiness. Let pity move you to compassion, which if I find, I shall not doubt but that I shall quickly be a Conquerour, till then I restless live.
Her Answer.
IF that you count it any happiness to be beloved of one so mean as I am, who hitherto have held you in disdain and laught at all your discontent with scorn: Then bless that happy hour when you did buy that Ring you sent me for a token; not for the value of the Ring I love you, but those your kind expressions which you writ to me in your last Letter have moved my heart to pity, you then now may assure your self a Conquerour for I do pity you, and not only so, but I love you too for your true constancy, had you been fickle and had took denial in a short time, I never would have granted you what now I do; then now be comforted my Love, and cast all sorrow from thy heart, for I am thine and will be to my death: think not of any thing that has formerly past between us, for I will love thee the better for the time to come, and when you please to come and visit me; you shall be welcome to her who is
A Letter sent to a Gentleman as a Challenge.
YOu may take notice first of the affront you gave me when we were last together; and secondly that I am not of so mean and low a spirit to pass by those your rude actions without taking [Page 107]just revenge according to the offence: therefore you being all Man last night, I hope will not prove your self to be less to morrow morning about four of the Clock in Lamb's conduit fields with your Sword in your hand, where we will end the dispute which you contend about, but if you refuse to meet me at the place and time which I have appointed, I shall post you up about the Town for an inconsiderable Fool and scandalous coward, and shall make my self satisfaction some other way; this from
The Answer.
WHat, is that little spark of courage which has lain asleep ever since you was born awakened now at last? In troth I am very glad that I gave you occasion last night to rouze it up this morning, and truly had I thought that you durst have been so valiant as to have taken notice of what I had said, I would have spoke ten times more to you then what I did; I will be sure to meet your outragious self at the place aforesaid, and instead of my Sword I shall only make use of my Scabbard, and bang your sides sufficiently, sending you crying home to your Wife, just as you used to do when you saw a couple of Mastiff dogs fighting in the street hard by your own door, I scorn to defile my Sword with such cowardly blood as thine is, but shall rather satisfie my self in giving thee a good sufficient beating, this from
A Letter desiring his Friend to acquaint him with news that is stirring.
KNowing that your affairs in the World are of no small importance, and that you negotiating your self with Men of Foreign as well as Domestick business cannot but be acquainted with all the news that is stirring, both at home and also at places more remote; I should be glad to have some small satisfaction from you by a weekly Letter, if you would give your self the trouble of writing, I would be at what charge they should cost you in sending them, that I might a little please my self in hearing what transactions happen on this our Earthly Globe of Mortality. For in our Countrey we hear no news, except perhaps I hear that our Neighbour Prattle's Daughters belly begins to swell by eating too many Pease-pottage, or else some body has prickt her there; or else at present we know not what, this and the like stories is all our divertisement; no more but remain
The Answer.
I Must humbly beg your pardon for my long silence, and now at length if writing upon such an insignicant account as I now have done: had there been any thing of News abroad worth the relating, and had it come to my ears I would have been sure to have made you acquainted with it e're this: as for Foreign businesses and affairs of State I hear no noise, God be thanked the Universe of Mankind is hush'd into a quiet peace for ought I hear, and trading flourishes indifferent well amongst ingenious Men and good Husbands, but bad Husbands will always be finding fault of the badness of Trade, when it is their extravagancies which makes them sink and decline in the World; as for the News which you tell me concerning your Neighbours Daughter; I think it is almost Universal, for young Maidens now a days are often troubled with such swellings but it seldome lasts them above nine months, and then it asswages again, insomuch that we scarcely take any notice of such like distempers; now of late I may inform you thus much, that the building of St. Paul's Cathedral in London goes on most expeditiously, and I am apt to think will be accomplished a great deal sooner then most men could imagine so vast a structure could be finished: some other news I can acquaint you with, which though it be a little Jocose yet it is very certain, that several Men of several minds, of several conditions, and several qualities; do wear the Bull's Feather upon their heads, and yet they know not some of them that they wear it there, but others do; and count it a great ornament, supposing that their Horns were tipt with Gold, neither will they matter if their Neighbours call [Page 110]them Cuckold, for if they do, they'le ask them to shake hands; all the difference between them being this, the one knows himself to be a Cuckold, and the other only thinks that he himself is none; and I believe you have some of this sort of Cattle in your Countrey: no more but am
A dunning Letter sent from a Creditor to his Debtor for Money.
COntrary to my natural Will and Inclinations, necessity forces me to give you a timely summons that you may provide me some Money against the next quarter-day, for I shall be very much necessitated about that time for Money, else I would not have troubled you as yet, though I ask you for nothing but what is my own: However had I not received great loss of late in my way of Trade, I would not have called in my Money from you, because I know it to be very secure whilst it is in your hands; therefore pray be pleased not to take amiss these my lawful demands, but let me have a speedy Answer from you which may be effectual to my desires, and I will for the time to come be always studious how I may again be serviceable to so good and sure a Friend as your self, which may assure you that whilst I live I am,
His Friend's kind Answer.
YOurs I received and am very sorry to hear that you have suffered any loss or damage in the way of your Trade; I wish you may recover with interest what you have lost, and am so far from being angry with you for sending for your own, that I am rather angry with you for questioning that which you might assuredly know, which was the payment of that Money which you so kindly lent me: However to shew my thankfulness to you for those favours, and my willingness to gratifie so good a Friend, I have sent you by your Cousin all that Money which I owe you, both interest and principal before the time, not knowing but that you may have a more sudden occasion for it, then you were willing to discover to me your Friend; pray cancel the Bond and send it back by your Cousin, and also send me word whether or no you shall have occasion for any more present Money, which if you have I will be sure to furnish you with it, being ever as ready and willing to serve you,
A Letter to perswade a Friend to marry.
IN considering your welfare, and taking a short view into your present concerns; I cannot but think that it is altogether inconvenient for you to lead a single Life any longer, for since you have betaken your self to House-keeping and the ordering of a Family, I am sure that it would be very necessary for you to marry a Wife, whose care (if she perform her duty) will be always within doors, and see that those Servants you keep do not waste nor make lavish of any provision, or otherways, what Goods you shall commit to their charge in your absence when you are abroad about your earnest concerns; expecting all to be well and carefully minded at home: but alas you may be mistaken in a House-keeper or a Servant-Maid, for they oftentimes do combine and have self-concern with the Apprentice, to the great detriment and almost ruine of several young Men like your self, who have put confidence in them; this as the first and no small Argument, I bring to disswade you from living single, and to perswade you to betake your self to a Wise: The next reason is this which you must pardon, because it is not spoken particularly concerning you, neither does it exclude you; but it may be very properly attributed to any single Man which is a House-keeper: Suppose then this, that a young Man as you are does at sometime or other meet with some of his good friends or former companions abroad as he is walking about his lawful occasion, and being glad to see each other, you cannot well part without drinking a glass or two of Wine together [Page 113]thereby to signifie your mutual loves and friendship which you mutually do owe, and having sate a while in the Tavern one Bottle many times begets two or three, or may be more and still loth to part, till it oftentimes is seen that the Wine doth predominate over your reasons at that time and you stay late, being elevated with those charming liquors you at length return home, and having no body to entertain you there but your Servant-Maid, it may be in that humour (though not in the least inclined to it another time) you begin to be familiar with your Maid (and so familiar as is unseemly for me to name though you may guess my meaning) this Maid perchance though honest heretofore, yet considering that you are her Master and she but of a low degree or quality contrary to her natural custom, may submit her self and willingly condescend to what you shall earnestly desire to enjoy, which being granted you, on the morrow when 'tis too late, repent you of the Fact, and may perchance be brought to open shame quickly after for such your deed as you have committed; or else forc'd to marry her whom you have already strumpeted: this cautionally I advise you of, not that I know you in the least guilty, but I am sure a good Wife (of which sort there are many) would prevent all these miscarriages of youth, and be a great comfort to you both night and day, therefore pray take my counsel, and think ne're the worse of him who cordially is
His Friend's Answer.
I Am apt to think you speak experimentally as concerning youthful vanities and frailties: However I must confess your advice is good, and I should be ungrateful if I should not return you hearty thanks for so good admonition, but yet I must also let you know that I am not guilty of those transgressions which you forewarn me of: for I seldom am long out of my Shop, but if I should, the Apprentice could not wrong me much, for I take a narrow inspection into all my concerns, that I should soon miss any particular parcel that should by any means be miscarried, and as for being overcome with Wine I think I never was beyond the bounds of reason, but were I never so much addicted to drinking, I should never be over-kind to my Maid; for to prevent that danger I keep one that is well stricken in years, and so deformed that she is a perfect Antidote against Letchery: However I shall not tye my self from Marriage, could I meet with a young Woman that was suitable and agreeable to my condition and temper, descended of honest parentage, and reputed to be a vertuous, civil and honest Virgin, and one that after Marriage would not defile my Bed, neither had she in her single condition stained her Virginity by yielding her body to be spotted with any lascivious companions, but had behaved her self in all her youthful days unspotted according to the strictest rules of modesty: with such a one if I could meet, I say it should be the first thing I undertook to marry with her, but truly there are so many that I find miscarry when they marry, that I am something fearful how I tye my self for term of life to that thing which for ought I know may be my perpetual ruine, but as you [Page 115]used to tell me that I must venture, for nothing venture nothing enjoy, I am therefore resolved e're long to take your counsel and good example, who am
A Letter complaining of such long silence in his Friend's writing no oftner to him.
WHen I consider the ability and strength of your fancy, together with the dexterity of your Pen in writing; as also the benefit and advantage I reap and receive in reading your learned and well composed Epistles; I can do no less but blame you for not writing oftner to your Friend, I am sure and very confident that it cannot be in the least burthensome to you to take Pen in hand, and write to me some few Lines that I may hear of your welfare; which would be very great joy and comfort to your faithful Friend, and a recreation to your ready Muse: I know not wherein I have offended you, or acted any unworthy action towards you that you should slack your hand from writing, but if you will let me know my fault, I will endeavour to make satisfaction for my misdemeanour; thus desiring to hear from you, I am.
The Answer.
YOu must pardon my long forc'd silence in Letters, for I have been sorrowfully employed another way, it hath pleased God to visit my poor Family with great and heavy sickness; insomuch that I have buried two of my children the Eldest and the Youngest, and my Wife now lies desperately sick of a Fever, whether she may escape or no I cannot tell, for she is very weak; you might imagine that some extraordinary business or other had befallen me, else I should not have been so long in silence from so good a Friend as your self. I hope you will not question the continuation of my wonted custom of writing to you, so soon as it shall please God to blow away those storms of afflictions that hang over our house thus long, and cause a Sun-shine once again to appear, for be assured that I am
A cunning Letter sent to a crafty Friend to borrow Money.
Your obliging qualities have ever been so great and manifold to me, who have never merited the least favour from you, that your goodness makes me presume once more to beg a kindness of you; which is, that you would lend me ten pounds between this and Thursday next, and accept of my own [Page 117]Bond for your security but for three Month's time, and you shall then be sure to be repaid it with the interest as shall be then due, and my humble thanks shall ever require you with this friendly assurance, that if ever you should stand in need of the same kindness, though your demands should be ten times more that I shall be proud in obliging you on the same terms; your answer by this Bearer if without excuses will be my present satisfaction, and my study for the future shall be for a requital,
The Answer.
I Am very sorry that I cannot oblige you according to your expectation, for at present I have not so much Money to spare by me, nor shall not have any such sum within the time as you have mentioned, you seldom could have asked me at such a time, for seldom it is that I am unprovided of so small a quantity, and if I had it you may assure your self that I would make no denyal of it to so good a Friend as you are and have been to me, but should be glad that I could oblige you in any thing whatsoever, therefore pray let me beg of you not to take it unkindly, fer it is my Nature and ought to be the free disposition of every generous Soul to communicate his assistance to his Friend in every respect to the utmost of his power, but these your present demands (laying aside all formal excises and flattering complements) [Page 118]are beyond the reach of my capacity, however I will subscribe my self Sir
A Letter to his angry Sweet-heart.
YOur frowns have so eclipsed my wonted comfort and consolation, that without the speedy Sun-shine of your smiles my future hopes which I promised my self will be utterly blasted, you know you have my heart and all that ever I could call my own at your disposing; therefore let me beg of you to be kind before it be too late, least certainly you hear that I died through your neglect and cruelties, who am
Her short but loving Answer.
I Fancy when you wrote to me last you were in a Dream, or else not throughly awake, for how can you task me with unkindness that have no pleasure but in your content and comfort; if you have undergone any sorrow by your own imagination I am very sorry [Page 119]for it, for I'le assure you my heart participates of all your troubles, your Love to me I mutually accept, giving you mine again with this assurance, that I am
A Letter upon the delay of a courtesie desired.
AMongst the rest of my Friends you have had no small share of my good esteem, therefore I thought you would have had greater care in preserving your promise, and not have dealt so disingenuously with me, who have been always so ready to serve you, pray let me desire you not to feed me any longer with fair words, but let performances speak your mind or frustrate my hopes by a flat denial.
The Answer.
YOur Friendship I must consess hath been variously shewn to me, for which I must give you abundance of thanks, pray call not my delays uncivilities, nor forgetfulness, for believe me Sir my promises which [Page 120]I made you shall be speedily performed according to your desire, and the best of my power; and instead of justifying my self, I beg your pardon for non-performance, hoping 'twil be granted by your worthy self.
A Letter of Counsel from a Father to his Son.
I Have heard that you are given to Alchymistry, which is a great charge to many but profiteth few, employ your time so that you may not lose by the bargain: what a grief it is to want, I pray God you may never know; therefore eschew Prodigality which quickly makes a poor Man; I have sent you twenty pounds, I hope you will make good use of it, and when you need more send to me for it, after the Term the Vacation will call you into the Countrey, where knowing your Father's House you may make your own welcome, you must not from me expect a flattering welcome, nor take it unkindly that I forewarn you of what may prove to your prejudice, above all things serve God and keep a clear Conscience towards all Men: converse not with fools, for in so doing you will lose your time: beware of drunkenness, for it is a beastly humour: take heed of Knaves for they are much to be feared, all which my advice if you pursue, you may expect God's blessing, which is
The Son's dutiful Answer.
AS touching the study of Alchymistry I have heard much, but believe little: However I will not wast your Lands to make a new Mettal; I know it is not long to the next Vacation, which being come, I will not be long from you, and if at my coming I find you well, that shall be my best welcome, as I will not flatter my self with your Love, so I cannot but joy in your kindness, whose careful counsel I will lock up in my heart as my best jewel: For to serve God is the duty of every Christian, and no longer let me live then in the care of that comfort; as for Fools they cannot understand me, and Knaves shall not trouble me; as for drunkenness never doubt me, for it is a thing most loathsome in my Nature; as for your Money I humbly thank you, and I hope to bestow it according to your good liking, thus with my prayers for your long life, health and happiness I remain
A merry Letter after the old Fashion sent to a Maid.
AFter my Love remembred unto you, trusting in God that you are in good health as I was at this present writing, with my Father and my Mother, and my Brothers and Sisters, and Unkles and Aunts, and the rest of my good Friends thanks be to God for it. The cause of my writing to you at [Page 122]this time is, that I hear Joan since my coming from Weston, when you know what talk we had together there at the sign of the Horns, and how you did give me your hand and swear that you would not forsake me for all the World, and how you made me buy you a Ring and a Heart that cost me two and twenty pence, and I left them with you, and you gave me a Napkin to wear in my Hat and a small Feather, I thank you, which I will wear to my dying day, and I marvel if it be true as I hear, that you have altered your mind, and are made sure to my Neighbour Pigsay's Son. Truly Joan you do not well in so doing and God will plague you for it: and I hope I shall live well enough if I never have you; for there are more Maids in the World besides you Joan, and truly I count my self worth the whistling after, I am sure there are some young Maids about us will except of me, and be glad to leap at me to have such Honey kisses Joan as I used to give you; therefore be not so high and so proud Joan and so scornful, for if you will have none of me, I will have none of you, but will be as stout and as coy as any handsome Maid in England; for you know my old Grandsir has left my Father good House and Land, and my Father will give it to me his own Son I am sure, and therefore praying you to write me your Answer by this Bearer my friend, touching the truth of all how it stands with you, I commit you to God:
Jones Answer.
INdeed sweet John I did not expect such a Letter from your hands, I would have you to know I scorn it: have I got my Fathers and Mothers ill will for you to be so used at your hands? I perceive and if you be so jealous already you would be somewhat another day, I am glad I find you that you can believe any thing of me, but it is no matter; I care not, send me my Napkin and you shall have your Ring and your Heart, for I can have enough if I never see you more, for there are more Batchellors then John, and my penny is as good silver as yours, and seeing you are so stout, even put up your Pipes, for I will have no more to do with you; and so unsaying all that ever hath been said betwixt us, pray make your choice where you list, for I know where to be beloved and so farewel.
A Letter from a Father to a Son at the university.
I Am sorry to tell thee that I hear thy diligence doth not answer my desire, and I would gladly wish it otherwise, but I hope a kind admonition will suffice to work a on good Nature, and therefore will rather hope the best then doubt the contrary: and in the love of a Father let me entreat thee to avoid the company of a lewd fellow, as rather an enemy then a Friend. The Feminine Sex are dangerous to affect, for as they will be a loss of time, so with hinderance of study they will produce expence: [Page 124]The exercise of thy body I admit for thy health, but let thy Love be in thy Learning, else wilt thou never be a good Scholar, for desire and delight are the best Masters both of Art and Knowledge, whilst vertuous Reason makes Understanding gracious: Therefore not out of the bitter humour of displeasure, but the careful Nature of affection I write unto thee for thy own good, and as nothing can joy the heart of a Father more then the obedience of a loving child, so can there nothing be more grievous then the stubborn spirit of an ungracious Son; I speak this to thee knowing thy years and understanding able to digest the consideration of my desire, which in sum is my joy in thy good. For let me tell thee, my Estate thou knowest, and how much I have strained my credit for thy advancement; to which Learning being a speedy and an assured good means, I would be glad to see my comfort in thy profit, in such fruits of thy study as with the blessing of God may hasten thy preferment; therefore be industrious and diligent for thy own benefit, and thou shalt not want a Father's encouragement to the very utmost of his ability; thus praying to God for thee, whom I beseech daily to bless thee, with my hearts love to the Lord's blessing I leave thee; who am
The Son's Answer.
AFter the bands of humble duty, my good Father I have received your most kind and loving Letter; in which how much joy I have received I cannot express, fearing rather your sharp rebuke then loving admonition; but God himself who can and doth work more in some Natures with a kind chiding then in others with may stripes. I know you are not ignorant of the inclination of youth, and therefore thus kindly touch the hurt of inheedfulness, for which how much I do humbly thank you I hope the care of your counsel in time shall pleasingly tell you, therefore for what ill you have heard grieve not, and of the good you may hear doubt not but believe me; for I will not abuse your trust whatever vanity soever I have seemed to effect: My Book hath been the Mistress of my Love in which how much I will labour, and from which what profit. I will gather your hope shall see in the effect of God's blessing, without the which how dangerous are many studies to the understandings of ungracious Spirits, I would it were known in any, and I pray God that none may know it in me. I My preferment I leave to God's pleasure who best knows how to dispose of his Servants, and for your contentment that it may be in my obedience. Your health as the worlds happiness I pray for; mine own moderate exercise with abstinence from excess, doth with God's blessing hold me in good state: and for the Feminine Sex (though I would be no Hypocrite) I had rather read of then be acquainted with them; for I allow of your opinion touching them: thus hoping ere-long that you will receive as much content of my courses as you have ever doubted the contrary; in the [Page 126]duty of my humble Love I take my leave for this time, but rest always.
A Daughters Letter to a Mother.
I Mast acknowledge in all duty that your came of me hath been so great, that my prayers shall ever petition Heaven for your long life and happiness; and will always move in obedience to your commands, I have no other ways to express my filial duty and love; but by conforming my self in all things to your commands, and I shall think all the endeavours of my life well bestowed to gain your blessing and love which I have hitherto enjoyed let me beseech therefore and beg of you that there may be a continuation of your kind love and good affection towards me, and I will endeavour all the days of my life more and more continually to engratiate my self into your favour, whilst I am
The Mothers kind Answer.
I Received thy kind and dutiful Letter which was no small comfort to me, pray God continue thy duty and obedience to thy Loving Mother, and if thou dost fear him I am sure be will encline thy heart to Wisdom, which is to fear the Lord and to honour thy Parents with humble reverence, and will be the only way to prolong thy days on Earth, and after Death hath seized upon thy body and sent thee to the Grave, yet thy name shall live after Death to Immortality; and all that ever knew thee shall lament thy loss after death: saying, thou lived'st and did'st die a good Woman and a good Christian, which will be a comfort to thy Friends that hear it, and an Eternal joy and consolation to thy self in the World to come; thus to the protection of him that made thee I recommand thee who am
A Letter of comfort to a Friend in Adversity.
WEakness is presently discomfited when any calamity doth befal them, but I doubt not but you are strong enough to oppose your unfortunate sorrows, and to make such good use of them, that they shall rather confirm then discourage you in the way of vertue; I know you can look [Page 128]upon Adversity with an eye of consideration, discerning therein the hand of Providence; look up then, and see from whence all troubles do arise, there is a blessing annexed to them, if they be suffered with patience; your virtue that stands inward may now be made apparent to the World in bearing your sorrow, misery, or any worldly affliction, which refine good Men to a greater perfection; I know you need not my counsel being strong in your self, yet pardon my love, my compassion, and my counsel, and accept them from
The Answer.
LIke as the Rain doth fall from a wandring Traveller when he comes dropping in, even so at the receipt of your kind and cordial Letter I felt my sorrows wast and vanish from me, being presently refreshed by your good counsel, and all my sorrow is in this my adversity that I have nothing to requite your love withal but the poor and slender payment of thanks. It is common with others whom we reckon in the number of Friends, to fall off when they see their Friend is fallen into any calamity, but such are no more to be accounted of then the flattering shadow that walks before us in the Sun-shine, whilst your Love being built on the constant foundation of your goodness cannot be shaken with the unfortunate chances of your Friend; in all Estates your Love doth know no change, and this in the midst of [Page 129]my troubles shall bring me store of assured comfort, that I am blest with a Friend so faithful unto him, who is
A Letter sent to a Friend perswading him that he was a Cuckold.
THou knowest I love thee well and ever have done since our first acquaintance: In troth I am sorry that I must now write to thee about such news as I believe will be unwelcome to thee, which to be short and plain I hear tkou art a Cuckold, neither do I ground my belief upon the vulgar report of others that say thy Wife is a Whore, but I have seen so much by her own self that thou must needs be a Cuckold, by those actions which I have observed by her in our Market Town, she not thinking me to be so near her: watch her a little more narrowly for the future and I believe thou wilt soon be satisfied of the truth of this matter. I do not write this to make thee jealous without cause, but because I would not have thee rock the Cradle when another Man got the Bastard; this is all from
The Answer.
I Must confess that thou tellest me strange News, neither is it in the least welcome to me; yet as I would not be too credulous in believing any thing that may touch or stain the honour and reputation of my Wife, who has been my Bedfellow thus long, so in like manner I would not be blinded with sair speeches to believe her honest that is a notorious Strumpet: for as thou sayest Harry by that means, I may indeed Father the spurious issue of unknown Progenitors; yet however I will not be jealous before I find a cause, and when I have found a cause I will not be jealous long after, for I will watch her as warily as ever a Cat watcht a Mouse, that she shall not stir but I will Incognito attend her, and then I shall quickly perceive how she behaves her self abroad, she not mistrusting of my suspicion will not proceed so cunningly as otherwise she might, but will continue in her wonted course without all doubt; which if it should be in the ways of wickedness (as God forbid it should) I should be very sorry, and would soon separate my self from her; and if I am a Cuckold I am certain Harry you know, and are acquainted with several others as may shake hands with me. You know 'tis said that Cuckolds are Christians; and truly I am apt to think that it is many an honest Man's lot: and also many a Knave's deserved Fortune to be Cuckolded by his own Wife at home, at that very instant of time that he is Cuckolding his Neighbour abroad. As for my part Harry if it be so it shall not much trouble me, but I am resolved to know the truth on't; for I know thy honest love and kindness to me is such, that thou would'st not [Page 131]give me any disturbance without some grounds, and for thy love I give thee hearty thanks, who am
A Fantastick Letter to a Friend to try both his Wit and patience.
I Would be glad to see you for fear of losing my Eye-sight, but for hearing of you, except it be to preserve me from deafness, I assure you it never troubles me: for when I know no good to expect from you, I wonder what I should do with you; except to learn ignorance out of idleness, or to make work to no purpose: yet for old acquaintance knowing this bearer coming near you, I thought it good to tell you how well I love you: yet lest you should misconstrue my meaning, let me assure you that he which doth truly know you will accordingly esteem you; but if you know your self it will be the better for you, I am no Schoolmaster and therefore will read you no precepts, but would wish you to observe times progress, and to hold a friend as a Jewel and a Fool as loss of time, which if you take notice of it will be the better for you:
The Answer.
INdeed Mr. Coxcomb you have made a very learned Epistle, only it relishes of a little too much Maggot which worked so strongly and strangely in your lunatick Brain, that I find the effects of her labouring and toyling thus long there to be prodigious; insomuch that she has caused you to write a monstrous piece of nonsence, which you your self cannot understand, and there is also so much of fool into the bargaen, that had I not known that you were living, I should have blest my self to think from whence it should all come; I verily believe that thou art no School-master for thou never learnedst beyond the Testament, and whereas thou advisest me to have a care of keeping company with Fools, I shall take thy counsel in that and be sure to avoid thy company, for I am sure in conversing with thee, I shall certainly lose time, therefore I bid thee farewell;
A conceited Letter from a Countrey School-master, who thought himself to be a great Schoolar.
BY all the Nouns and Pronouns in the eight parts of Speech, if you do not send me up the eight pounds which you owe me for your young Son Mr. Quibus his feeding at my Table, and tumbling in my Sheeps Feather-bed with a horum harum horum, I'le bring you before 'um, where Amo amas amavi, if you do not pay me I am sure they will not save ye, therefore I say Cave, for Per deum, they shall [Page 133]have ye; for the Constable with his Fustis, shall take you before Sir Justice. Sir I do not love to flatter ye nor yet to use many words, for you may remember that Vir sapit qui pauca loquitur, which for fear you should not understand I English it thus, That Man is wise who speaketh few things or words; I have done what I can for your Juvenis or young Man which you please to call him, therefore pray be civil to me your Ludi-Magister or School-master,
The Gentleman's Answer.
BE not so fiery for your Money, for I think your Quarter is not out till to morrow at night; However rather then you should be angry and throw your Latin about after this manner; I'le hereafter be sure to pay you a week before hand, and I'le assure you that you shall never have occasion to have me before a Justice for my Money that shall at any time be due to you from me for my Son's board: However since I understand by you that he lies upon a Sheeps Feather bed, which may be Englished a flock-bed; let me desire you for the future to let him lie upon a Gooses or a Hens Feather-bed: and instead of Vir sapit qui pauca loquitur, I will have it Vir loquitur qui pauca sapit, which I English thus, the Man speaketh that understands but little; but I do not mean you Sir, therefore I hope you will not be angry with him who is
A cautional Letter from a Husband to his young Wife in the Countrey.
NOtwithstanding the great distance that is at present betwixt our habitations, yet the inward thoughts of my heart and mind are continually with you; I desire that you may be careful of your honour and reputation, for that once lost which we call our good name, cannot easily be repair'd again; I hope you are virtuous and so guarded with Chastity, that you are always armed against all such temptations as may be offered to a young Woman as you are, especially having such opportunities as you have at present: However if you do but call to mind, first how great an offence it is to God Almighty to adulterate and defile your self: it being a breach of the Commandment; and secondly, the great and abominable wrong you do your Husband by such transgressions: I am sure upon these considerations well weighed, you will be careful of committing any such notorious crimes; withal assuring your self that those which at any time do yield and prostrate themselves illegally to their lustful desires, though they do it never so privately, even when they may think themselves secure enough being it may be some hundreds of miles from their honest Husbands, who are careful all their life to maintain them handsomely, and see that they want for nothing; those I say that do offend in such a manner though never so obscurely, yet these Actions like those of Murther will at one time or other be discovered and made known; Fame flies with nimble wing and swiftly spreads abroad the evil [Page 135]Actions of every bold offender, the very birds will whistle forth the injuries the Wife commits against her honest Husband; this my dear love I write not that I am jealous, but only as a caution for thee to take notice of, now thou art so far from me, therefore prithee be not angry with him who is
Her Answer.
I Received a Letter with your Name to it, and directed to me; but sure if it came from you it was never intended for me, but for some other Woman, but yet not satisfied that you could make such a mistake; I upon a second consideration do fear that you are fell distracted: for surely had you that natural since now, that you had when I departed from you; the Letter you sent would not have been directed to me but to some Mistress or small Harlot of yours, whose fidelity you so much doubted and feared that she had to do with more Cullies besides your self; but to come a little closer to the business, I partly smell out your design when you writ that Letter, you are jealous of me though without cause, yet fain would hide your jealousie under the pretence of giving me good counsel; Introth Husband you know I am young, but not so much a Child but I can perceive what you aim at: Alas poor Man! what does your head ake before you have any occasion for it? I am sorry for your mistake; and truly now you have put me in the mind how brave au opportunity I have here in the Countrey [Page 136]to make you a Cuckold, I am like enough to take notice of it so far as to make the best use of my time and not to let it, slip, for I can judge no less but that you have got some homely Doxy or other to supply my place during my absence, which makes you cry out Whore first; but 'tis no matter for that now I think on't Husband I will be honest pray think so, I would fain have you think so, and then it will be the better for my design: I mean honestly indeed I do Husband, therefore pray believe her who is
A Letter to invite a Friend to a Wedding.
MY Sweet-heart and I have just now consider'd on't, and have concluded together to make a jovial Wedding, and in troth I am a little in haste too I must confess, and know not well how to stay any longer; for I have such pritty thoughts come into my mind concerning the Wedding-night, and then Ned; and concerning the Sack-posset and then Ned; and when the Candle is taken away and then Ned; but what then is to be done I do but guess Ned: but I vow and swear and will take my Oath on't, that I long till that time is come that I may know Ned; and 'faith old Soul to make up our merry company I invite thee to come and see us joyn'd together next Saturday, and thou shalt be as welcome as any Man in England, I would have it on Saturday Ned, because we may lie in Bed all day [Page 137]on Sunday, and that's all at present Ned but the more is to come.
The Answer.
I Perceive by your short Epistle, that you now think your self to be Man good enough to venture on a Woman, and I am glad to hear that you have got one to your mind; Faith Bob in my mind thon art much to be commended that thou dost not make a foolish long and tedions wooing, for that signifies nothing; when they have done all they must take one another for better and for worse, as the Parson says; and if it must be so it must, then high for a Boy or a Girl the very first night: for I perceive Bob that thou art a little tickled with the thoughts of it already, by my Mack old Boy thou need'st not question my coming; for I am resolved to be there, and will pick me up a Spouse of my own if I can, if not I protest and swear I'le make use of any one that belongs to some body else and so much for that
A Letter of Farewel sent to a Friend, from one that is going a long Journey.
SInce for several years we have been convenant together, and have held a great correspondency together in way of friendship and also business; I could not leave my Native Country and betake my self to travel without letting you know of my departure Sir, which will be the next opportunity I can have for transporting my self and Family into the East-Indies, and I am informed that we may have a conveniency of Shipping within this Month; within which time if I may be so happy as to see you in Town I shall take it as a great favour, if not Sir I humbly recommend this to your hands, which will let you know that I give you a thousand thanks for all kind courtesies which I have received from you, and if it please God that I return again into England I will be sure to come and wait on you my self; who am
The Answer.
Your Letter at first sight did very much surprize me, to think that I so suddenly should lose so good a Friend, but afterwards considering that your Wisdom would prompt you to nothing but what shall be to your advantage and preferment, I thought I had no reason to envy at your happiness or to advise you to the contrary; I am very sorry that I cannot personally appear before you to make an humble acknowledgement how much I am your Debtor, for all those kind favour; which I have received from you time after time; I doubt I cannot get so much leisure from my urgent affairs in the Country, as to come and wait upon you before your departure; however Sir I shall beg of God for your safe passage through Neptune's raging Waves, and that in safety you may again return, which if I live to see, I'le strive to be the first that shall come and kiss your hand, who am Sir,
How to begin and end Letters with new Complements.
Sir, BEing sensible of all those former favours wherewith you have obliged me, I could do no less but make an humble acknowledgement for those unmerited kindnesses which you have been pleased to confer upon me.
Sir, Since the last time I saw you, abundance of Worldly sorrows have surrounded me; insomuch that I have been uncapable of serving my Friends of whom I reckon you the chief.
Sir, What ever Tongue can express or Heart can wish of the welfare of any real and beloved Friend, I wish and desire may always attend you, but setting aside all ceremonious complements, these may give you to understand, &c.
Sir, I know your discretion to be so great, and your Love so unfeigned that you will not misconstrue any mistake that I shall make in this Letter: therefore I shall not be so curious as at other times I ought [Page 141]to be when I write to those that are more critical, &c.
Sir, In considering your manifold obligations wherewith you have obliged me, it puts me in mind how much I am your Debtor, and how urable I am at present to make you satisfaction, thanks is too mean a present for so much worthiness, yet at present Sir may serve to let you know that I am not ungrateful, &c.
Sir, If I knew which way to gratifie you for all those favours which you have accumulated upon my undeserts, I would not all this while have remained your Debtor, &c.
Sir, After a recommendation of my good wishes, and my hearty prayers for your good health and preservation, these may certifie you that, &c.
Madam, Your Ladyship I hope need not question my faithfulness in serving you, but shall ever account it the greatest honour that can be conferred upon me to be reckoned amongst the number of your Servants, and all my comfort will be in being obedient to your commands, though at present I must confess, &c.
Madam, If loving you be reckon'd and accounted a crime, then I am certain that I am the greatest criminal in the whole World, yet am I also sure that the wretch that loves you not must be a Devil, &c.
Madam, In the fresh remembrance of those pleasant charms I gain'd from your resplendent eyes at our last meeting, I take bold courage to salute your ears with these presumptuous words, that I am your Lover, &c.
Sir, Since our last meeting I very well can remember your unworthiness at that time, pray forbear to say you are my Lover, for I utterly disown your Sute; your rudeness would have blunted the edge of my affection if I ever had any for you, but that is more then you ever knew, &c.
Madam, The humble adorer of your excellent beauty hath sent these submissive Lines to kiss your fair hands, which kindness if you smiling please to grant, the Authour of them will presume e're long to wait upon you, and with bended knees prostrate himself before so much Divinity, &c.
Sir, Vain words will not advance you to your aim, for 'tis not flatteries that will avail or work your ends upon her that has past the Age of twenty; Children may be deluded with fair speeches, but riper years do look for more substantial performances: therefore pray desist, &c.
Madam, A World of Joys and comfort flows from every word I ever heard you speak; from every smiling look you ever cast upon me; Madam, look on and speak again, making your slave more happy then all others.
Sweet-heart, I humbly thank you for your last kindness when I was at your house, and if ever I live to see you again I hope I shall make you part of amends, &c.
Kind Sir, You need not have given your self the trouble to have writ me those thanks for those small civilities which you received at our house; all I can say to you is that you were welcome, and if you are pleased to think your self so, pray let us have your company again, &c.
Honest Will, Faith you know I love you, and that is better [Page 144]then all the complements in the World; downright dealing is most acceptable amongst Friends, for flatteries are fit for nothing but to please Women and Children, &c.
Sir, With humble reverence I submit my self to your discretion, not doubting but your goodness will order my concerns to the best advantage, being more capable of discerning what may stand for my future benefit then any other person living; therefore I wholly condescend to what you shall determine in this matter, &c.
Sir, Your Wisdom has confounded my second thoughts, therefore I refer my self to your better judgement, and I'le assure you that on my part there shall no more disturbances arise that may in any ways be prejudicial to our mutual society hereafter, &c.
Sir, You may command me upon all accounts to serve you, being always ready to communicate my assistance to a person so much deserving as your self; therefore write but your Will and Pleasure and it shall be done, &c.
Sir, Wit in other Men seems to be but a florid way of speaking to set forth a bad action with the greater [Page 145]lustre, but in you it shews it self with so much gravity that every word which flows from you, appears to me to be an Oracle, &c.
Madam, Let me beseech you not to condole the loss of your blasted beauty, since that your better ornament does still remain inviolable; I mean your virtue which is a precious Jewel lodged in your mind, which time decyphering wrinkles cannot wrong; but it will abide to perpetuity, &c.
Sir, I must confess the gay and glorious blossom has it's first time which lasts not long but withers and decays, and then we expect the more substantial fruit to follow. Youth and Beauty may flourish for a while, but Age calls out for action to adorn the Mind and Soul of every Man and Woman &c.
Sir, When first I heard of those great disasters which have lately befallen you, I equally shared in your misfortunes; but since 'tis gone and past, let me desire you instead of grief and mourning to accept my consolation, &c.
Sir, Every thing underneath the glorious Sun at one time or other must undergo and feel the sence of sorrow; some have a larger portion then the rest, [Page 146]and none can truly say they live in quiet, but those that do enjoy a contented mind, &c.
Sir, Suppose I angry was at your abuse: 'twas not only that you were injurious to me but that I might thereby let you see your own folly, which being known I hope you will amend, &c.
Madam, Let me beg of you to be free and not conceal the Love you bear my friend any longer: for if Love have not it's natural course and vent, like to the flames of fire, which being supprest, may breath and smother undiscovered for a time, but when it once breaks forth it burns more fiercer, &c.
Madam, You know your powerful charms have no resistance, then be not cruel when none dares contend but when you find an opposition to your will; then use what severity shall best become your Sex, &c.
Madam, Nature has curiously framed your outward shape beyond the parallel of your fellow creatures; then do not strive to stain what she hath made by any immodest and unseemly Action, you know how unkind you have been, &c.
Madam, You have honoured me so far that it is beyond all expression, my obedience to your will shall be my present acknowledgement; and for the future I will be sure to hearken to your command.
Sir, You have tyed me so strong in the bonds of true affection that they are infringeable to envy it self; though I know I have several enemies abroad in this malicious World, that would be glad to cause a separation of our friendship but it is beyond their power. I now must tell you Sir, &c.
Sir, Let me beg of you once more to make us happy with your good company at London, where you shall find your welcome by your freedom, and we shall know your acceptance by your continuance, &c.
Sir, Your Letter I received and am glad to hear of your welfare; as touching the business which you have commanded me to effect, it shall be done according to your content; therefore rest your self satisfied with my reality, &c.
Sir, Few words amongst friends are best, as for what you have heard, keep to your self, for it is very dangerous [Page 148]to be a medler in those cases; I have other business to acquaint you with, &c.
Sir, My humble service I present to you and your Bedfellow, wishing you true joy, long life and health in this World, and everlasting joys in the World to come, we are all well at present I bless God, I would desire you to send, &c.
Sweet Sir, I admire that I have never seen you all this while, I hope my looks did not fright you when you were last at our house, if some of your quality had but half the invitation as I have given you, I should have seen them often in this time; but 'tis no matter, &c.
Ah Madam! Impute not my so long absence to be any neglect of mine, for had I been at my own disposing I would scarcely have been ever from you; but sickness, &c.
Madam, If Love be blind as some Men say he is, I wonder how he come to hit my heart so right, he has wounded me and 'twas in darkness too, and so that none but you alone can cure, &c.
Sir, I wonder why so many young Men talk of Cupid and his Feather'd Darts that wounds their breasts and yet they know not when. In my opinion they are much mistaken, for Love proceeds at first from each others eyes; and after that want of enjoyment of a beauty once seen may cause a kind of troublesome passion to arise, and this is my belief concerning Love.
Sir, Let me desire you as you love your self to fly from this infected place, where nothing but Murthers and Rapes are daily threatned, I heard but the other day, &c.
Sir, You may imagine that I love you, else I should not have carried my self in such a familiar manner as I did last night to you who were so much a stranger to me, perhaps you may think me wanton but, &c.
Sir, Let me beg of you not to remember my past saults, but forget an I forgive them all, burying them in oblivion, and for the future I will be more careful of offending, &c.
Sir, In anger I write to you not to trouble your self with my concerns, but mind your own business; I believe you will find enough to do at home, it may be I may find you some employment shortly if you have none of your own, in the mean time pray let me advise you to bridle your Tongue, or else, &c.
Sir, Let me desire you not to regard the vulgar report of the common sort of people, for they will say any thing: Neither do they regard who it is they wrong, exclaiming against any person behind his back whom just before they applauded before his Face, and this is their common course, &c.
Life of my Soul, Let not my absence provoke thee so far as to be jealous of my inconstancy for thus much assure thy self, that where ever I am my heart is with thee, and nothing but death shall alter my resolutions, which are to make thee my Wife, &c.
Supplements, with choice phrases and and sentences to be used in the middle of Letters upon all occasions.
WHat else may be added to our good success In proceedings of this Nature, I leave to your wiser judgement to consider on.
After Madam I have said all I can say, I must leave it to your goodness to muke a good and favourable construction upon my honest intentions.
I know Sir nothing can be more suitable to my present condition then your good advice, which I will certainly be guided by; knowing that what ever you admonish me to act or do, must on necessity be for my present and future advantage.
You may remember Madam that at our last meeting, you promised me that I should have a second happiness, by meeting you next Monday morning where we met before.
Let not delays frustrate your design, for you know they often prove dangerous, therefore let me advise you to strike whilst the Iron [...]s hot.
Consult with your Parents first Sir, and get their good wills, and you shall ever find me to be according to my promise.
Expect no flatteries from your publick enemy, for your deserts deserve no favour but a just revenge shall certainly be your portion.
What I have said is cordial and you may believe it and count me your Friend in telling you the truth of this matter, whose effects without your care will prove I doubt very dangerous.
Never doubt nor fear but first of all make Tryal; experience is the best Mistress; I doubt not but that she will be kind, and that all things may succeed according to your desire.
Thousands you know have miscarried for want of making a quick pursuit in such concerns as yours are; you know that a place of good preferment is soon catcht up.
Consult with reason first, and be not over-rash in your attempts, lest you precipitate your whole design.
Love me then as you have begun in spite of all their surious anger, you know my constancy and dear affections will never alter but remain for ever firm.
I doubt not but you are disposed to Melancholy, therefore let me advise you to leave that lonesome place, and betake your self to the City; where you will find diversity of subjects that will expose you to a harmless mirth, and innocent Recreation.
Exclaim not Madam against your sole admirer, [Page 153]one that adores your very name like a sacred deity; one that hath Atlas strength to bear and undergo the greatest burthens that affliction or torment can lay upon him for your sweet sake.
I grant your sure Sir if your love be true, but first you must give me leave to make trial of your constancy.
I must confess that many have been beguil'd by smooth tongues and flattering speeches, but mine you have no reason to mistrust.
Consent not Daughter to their false delusions, for now a days not one Gallant amongst ten is to be believed; let your love be grounded on what I shall think reason, then will you live a happy life hereafter.
My Father's good will, Sir, you first must ask before I shall make my self any surer to you, yet this I will tell you, if what you demand be according to his good liking, I can satisfie you, that I sandy you above any other Man.
That Song you sung so ravisht all my senses last night, that I shall not think my self happy till once again I hear it from your mouth.
Then blest be that hour that first I made the motion, since according to my desire you have granted my request; for I am obliged in duty Madam to make a more then verbal acknowledgement.
Your business Sir I have carefully minded, which [Page 154]succeeds according to your wish, the Man you told me was your chiefest witness I met in Town, and have secured him till the Trial shall be, and according to his evidence I question not but that you in your sute will prove victorious.
I had sooner been with you, Sir, had not my Horse tired by the way; insomuch that I was forced to lie still two whole days, because he was not able to perform the Journey.
Your Letters of advice, Sir, came too late, for I had then dispatched the business before their arrival; however if I can serve you in the like nature I shall gladly be commanded by you.
No more your aged Father's counsel disrespect, least that I count it wilful disobedience, what I advise you to is for your own advantage, as yet you know the power is in my hands to make you happy or for ever miserable.
I hope you cannot justly task me, Sir, with disobedience, for rather then I would prove undutiful to so good a Father, I would make choice of my sharp pointed Sword to be my fatal Executioner.
I know your clemency and well disposed mind is apter to forgive my faults, then I can have the considence to ask your pardon; pray Sir, be therefore satisfied in my protestations that I not only love, but also honour you.
I shall endeavour so to use my time to the best advantage of my future good, that you my aged Parents may have joy and comfort at all times when ever you see my face.
Learning I know is a most precious Jewel, not to be obtained without a careful study and industry; my diligence shall therefore be to the utmost of my power to acquire to my self so rich a gem which is of that great value.
You know that none shall ever reap the profit of your Learning but your self, therefore my child seek it and thou shalt have it.
I am glad to hear that you are merry, for it is a sign that you are in health, but let me advise you Child, to have a care, that Vanity take not up too much Room in your mind and heart, supplying that place which should contain profounder knowledge, stealing away your thoughts from following better things.
I always, Sir, do consult with reason in my affairs before I pitch upon any design; therefore after I have had some small time to deliberate my thoughts I shall be ready and willing to give you my opinion and best judgement in this matter.
Love is a thing that I never yet studied, therefore you tell me strange news about it; but I will consider on't, and if I find I can love any Man it shall be you as soon as any body I know of.
But since our Parents angry are and will not give their consents that we should marry together, I am resolved if you will agree to appoint a time, when privately we may make our selves happy though against their wills.
'Tis true I love, and that you know full well, but [Page 156]willingly would have our Friend's good will, yet since you are resolved to take me at a venture, name but the time and I will surely meet you, for I had rather offend all my friends, then in the least to prove unkind or fickle to thee my dearest Love and only joy.
Admire not that I appear to be somewhat strange to your propositions, for I know that you have ever been unconstant; therefore I shall be careful how I settle my affections on a sudden.
Stoop not so low as once to condescend to act such folly, for ruine will attend all those that without consideration match themselves to such extravagancy.
I heartily could wish the time were come that both our hearts and hands might be united, I willingly would run a lawful course, yet hardly can indure to stay so long; why should I be delayed from that sweet enjoyment which every night I dream on without redress, 'tis real pleasure that I want my dear.
Conclusions and endings of Letters of all sorts, and upon all occasions.
THus do I take my leave and submit my self to your Lordships pleasure who am, The humblest of your Scrvitors A. B.
I never thought my self more happy, then when I was busie in prosecuting your Worship's just commands, therefore let me beg of you to harbour no ill opinion of him; who is The only admirer of your Worship's virtues B. C.
Thus, honoured Sir, do I commit my self to your just censure, knowing that you will be favourable to Your distressed Servant C. D.
Much might be added worthy Sir upon this same business; but time will not give me leave any longer to insist thereon; I therefore at this time [Page 158]shall conclude, and only acknowledge that I am and ever will be to my death, Your faithful Friend and most humble Servant D. E.
But lest I should seem troublesome in being too tedious in this my Letter; I shall only add this to my former acknowledgements, that I am Your most obliged and most faithful Servant E. F.
Consider well on what I have writ you word of, and meditate on it at your leisure; which is all from Your affectionate Father F. G.
What ever you have writ to me shall so deeply be lodged in my breast, that nothing but death shall take it from thence, which I hope will be a satisfaction to you, from Sir. Your dutiful Son G. H.
My dearest-Soul, blame me not for my suspition [Page 159]and jealousie of thy unconstancy, but rather pardon it, for it proceeds from the abundance of love of him who is The only adorer of thy beauty H. I.
And if your suspition Sir be grounded out of your own imagination and all without cause, I shall not desire that you should adore me, but imploy your time in learning to be wiser, and that is all from her who is Yours more then you deserve I. K.
But to sum up all complements in one Line, I am Sir Yours till death, in death, and after death K. L.
Now since your folly I have pretty well discovered, I think it is time to leave off at this time, only telling you that I am Your Friend more than you are your own L. M.
Therefore Sir let me desire you not to question my fidelity in this concern, but rely wholly upon Your most faithful Friend M. N.
Ah Madam what shall I say more that might move you to compassion, a thousand Sheets of Paper would be too little to contain the full description of my sorrows, which night and day I do undergo for want of the enjoyment of your Love; 'tis nothing else I ask dear Madam but one smile from your sweet self, which if you would but grant it would revive Your languishing and disconsolate Lover N. O.
That which you ask dear Sir I out of pitty grant, for it never shall be said that I should so disturb so likely and so hopeful a Gentleman as your self, in denying him so small a request, when next you please to see me again, I'le meet you with a smile, and if that won't do I'le smile again, and so continue till you shall be satisfied, then I hope you will be pleased with her who is Your compassionate and most loving Friend M. P.
And Joan I now have only this to tell thee that in good truth I love thee dearly who am called by the name of Robin Hog.
And that I may end my Letter just as you have done Robin, I must tell you that I love you as well as you love me which I had almost forgot, but I think such good words do never come too late; this is all from her who is thine, and honestly known by my proper name being my Mothers name who was born before me Joan Sow.
Superscriptions for Letters, suitable for all Degrees and Qualities of Men and Women.
TO the most High and Mighty Monarch, His sacred Majesty of Great Brittain.
Or thus,
To the most Gracious and Victorious Monarch, Caesar Augustus. Salutem.
- To the most Illustrious Prince.
- To his Royal Highness James Duke of York.
- To the most Renowned Duke.
- To the Right Honourable Earl of, &c.
- To the Honourable Lord.
- To the Right Worshipful R. T. Knight Baronet.
- To the Worshipful R. T. Knight.
- To the Worshipful Esquire.
- To the most Impartial and upright Judges.
- To the most wise and most discreet States-man.
- To the most pious, most grave, and most religious Clergy-man.
- To the most Eloquent and most florid Rhetorician.
- To the most Skilful, most Learned, and approved Physician.
- To the most crafty and most subtle Logician.
- To the Muses best adorers.
- Or thus. To the Laureated Society.
- [Page 163]To the most skilful and most Impartial Friend, &c.
- To the most skilful and most aiery Musician.
- To his worthy and noble, and highly esteemed Patron.
- To his Honoured and Welbeloved Father H. P.
- To his dear and tender Mother.
- To his most affectionate Brother or Sister.
- To his dearly beloved Wise.
- To her dearly beloved Husband.
- To his loving Unkle.
- To the honourable Colonel.
- To the couragious and most valiant Captain.
- To the Life of my Soul Mrs. A. B.
- To the Mistress of my best thoughts E. C.
- To the fair hands of the Honoured Lady.
- To the fair hands of the Honoured Lady, Madam R. S.
- To the fulness of my true contentment, Mistress S. L.
- To the hope of my Fortunes Mrs. J. P.
- To my best choice Mrs. P. P.
- To the only joy of my heart Mrs. D. D.
- To my Heaven upon Earth Mrs. J. F.
- To the fairest and most Angelical Beauty in the whole Universe Mrs. R. T.
- To the adored and most venerable demi-goddess Madam J. K.
- [Page 164]These to his loving and much esteemed Friend Mr. A. B.
- These to his true and trusty Friend Mr. B. C.
- To his honourable Friend Mr. C. D.
- To her newly displeased Friend Mr. D. E.
- To her best resolved Friend Mr. E. F.
- To her well advised Friend Mr. F. G.
- To his loving and long expected Friend Mr. G. H.
- To her most disquieted Friend Mr. H. I.
- To his respected Friend Mr. J. K.
- To his approved Friend Mrs. K. L.
- To her most worthy Friend Mrs. L. M.
- To his well experienced and most esteemed noble Friend Mr. M. N.
- To his well disposed Friend N. O.
- To his much disordered Friend O. P.
- To his unkind and ill advised Friend P. Q.
- To his perjur'd and lascivious Wife R. S. at her Lodgings in Moor-fields.
- To the jealous Pimp and Cuckold my Husband S. S. at his Lodgings in Whetstones-Park.
- To his suddenly displeased Friend Mr. S. T.
- To her worthy Friend Mr. T. T. adventurer in Barbadoes.
- To his true and trusty Friend Mr. V. W. Factor in Jamaica.
- To the most pious and most Learned Doctor W. A.
- [Page 165]To the most eminent and most skilful Doctor A. B.
- To the most Holy, most Learned, most Benevolent, and most Reverend Father in God, John Lord Bishop of, &c.
Posies for Rings, or Motto's fit for Presents.
A COLLECTION OF THE Nevvest Songs, AND MERRY CATCHES: WHICH Are now sung either at Court or Theatres.
SONG I.
SONG II.
SONG III.
SONG IV.
SONG V. Dorinda's lamentation for Amintas.
The Catholick Lover. SONG VI.
SONG VII.
SONG VIII.
SONG IX.
SONG X. A Rant.
SONG XI.
SONG XII.
SONG XIII.
A Catch. XIV.
A Drinking Catch. XV.
SONG XVI.
A drinking Catch. XVII.
Despair. SONG XVIII.
SONG XIX.
SONG XX.
SONG XXI.
SONG XXII.
A Pastoral Song. XXIII:
SONG XXIV.
Against Poets. SONG XXV.
A Pastoral Song, XXVI.
SONG XXVII.
SONG XXVIII.
A Tavern Song, XXIX.
SONG XXX.
On a dead Horse, an Epitaph. SONG XXXI.
SONG XXXII.
Anger, SONG XXXIII.
SONG XXXIV.
A Scotch Song. XXXV.
SONG XXXVI.
SONG XXXVII.
SONG XXXVIII.
SONG XXXIX.
SONG XL.
On a Kiss. SONG XLI.
SONG XLII.
A Rural Song, XLIII.
SONG XLIV.
SONG XLV.
SONG XLVI.
SONG XLVII.
SONG XLVIII.
SONG XLIX.
SONG L.
SONG LI.
SONG LII.
SONG LIII.
SONG LIV.
Philomel and Charon. SONG LV.
SONG LVI.
SONG LVII.
SONG LVIII.
SONG LIX.
SONG LX.
A Serenade. SONG LXI.
SONG LXII.
SONG LXIII.
SONG LXIV.
SONG LXV.
SONG LXVI.
SONG LXVII.
SONG LXVIII.
SONG LXIX.
SONG LXX.
A Musical Instruction for a Young Lady. SONG LXXI.
SONG LXXII.
SONG LXXIII.
SONG LXXIV.
SONG LXXV.
SONG LXXVI.
SONG LXXVII.
SONG LXXVIII.
SONG LXXIX.
SONG LXXX.
SONG LXXXI.
SONG LXXXII.
SONG LXXXIII.
SONG LXXXIV.
A Mad man's Song. LXXXV.
A Dialogue between Sorrow, and one Afflicted. SONG LXXXVI.
SONG LXXXVII.
The double Health. SONG LXXXVIII.
On the Death of Mr. Pelham Humphry. SONG LXXXIX.
SONG XC.
SONG XCI.
SONG XCII.
SONG XCIII.
SONG XCIV.
SONG XCV.
Strephon and Daphne. SONG XCVI.
SONG XCVII.
SONG XCVIII.
SONG XCIX.
A Dialogue betwixt Neptune and Apollo occasioned by the death of the Earl of Sandwich. SONG C.
The Quakers Song, CI.
SONG CII.
SONG CIII.
SONG CIV.
SONG CV.
SONG CVI.
SONG CVII.
SONG CVIII.
SONG CIX.
SONG CX.
SONG CXI.
Calia's Answer. SONG CXII.
Latin. SONG CXIII.
English. SONG CXIV.
A Catch. SONG CXV.
Latin. SONG CXVI.
English. SONG CXVII.
SONG CXVIII.
SONG CXIX.
SONG CXX.
SONG CXXI.
SONG CXXII.
SONG CXXIII.
SONG CXXIV.
SONG CXXV.
SONG CXXVI.
SONG CXXVII.
SONG CXXVIII.
SONG CXXIX.
SONG CXXX.
SONG CXXXI. A Pastoral Dialogue betwixt Strephon and Phillis.
SONG CXXXII.
SONG CXXXIII.
SONG CXXXIV.
SONG CXXXV.
SONG CXXXVI.
SONG CXXXVII.
SONG CXXXVIII.
SONG CXXXIX. The Country-man's Prophecy.
SONG CXL.
SONG CXLI. Long Vacation.
SONG CXLII.
SONG CXLIII.
SONG CXLIV.
SONG CXLV.
SONG CXLVI.
SONG CXLVII.
SONG CXLVIII.
SONG CXLIX.
SONG CL.
SONG CLI.
SONG CLII.
SONG CLIII.
SONG CLIV.
SONG CXXV.
SONG CLVI.
SONG CLVII.
SONG CLVIII.
SONG CLIX.
SONG CLX.
SONG CLXI.
SONG CLXII.
A TABLE Of all the SONGS, Alphabetically composed.
- A Dieu to the Pleasures and Follies of Love Page 4
- A Wife I do hate Page 11
- As I was sitting on the Grass Page 20
- A Curse upon thee for a Slave Page 27
- Augusta is enclin'd to fears Page 38
- Ah fading Joy Page 57
- A Curseo' the Zealous and Ignorant crew Page 58
- [Page]Adieu my Cordelia, my dearest adieu Page 59
- As I was walking on a May Morning Page 64
- A Curse on Impertinent Age Page 112
- As Amoret with Phillis sate Page 113
- As Chloris full of harmless thought Page 115
- A young Man lately in our Town Page 116
- A Maid I dare not tell her Name Page 118
- A Maiden fair I dare not wed Page 120
- Arm, Arm, Arm, the Scouts are all come in Page 123
- Ah how unkind is the Nymph I adore Page 138
- As sad Philothea lay melting in grief Page 141
- Away with the causes of riches and cares Page 161
- BE thou joyful I am jolly Page 11
- Be jolly my friend Page 56
- Beauty and Love once fell at odds Page 83
- Bess black as Charcoal Page 114
- COme away, t'other Glass Page 13
- Come drink off your Liquor Page 25
- Cupid no God a wanton child Page 33
- Come you Ladies of the night Page 39
- Cupid once was weary grown Page 46
- [Page]Charon, O gentle Charon let me woo thee Page 47
- Courtier if thou needs wilt Wive Page 51
- Chloris when you disperse your influence Page 53
- Cease Chloris, cease to wonder why Page 57
- Come my Daphne come away. Page 79
- Come all you Gallants that [...]ive near the Court Page 96
- Come come bonny boys Page 104
- Chloris forbear a while Page 142
- DIogenes was merry in his Tub Page 26
- Did you not hear the hideous groans Page 73
- Disputes daily arise and errours grow bolder Page 92
- Do not ask me charming Phillis Page 133
- FAir Clarinda I do owe Page 19
- Farewel the dearest of my crimes Page 38
- Fond Fables tell of old. Page 41
- GOd Cupid's for certain as foolish as blind Page 65
- God Cupid for ever I defie thy poor Quiver Page 99
- Great Love to thy Deity praises I'le sing Page 105
- HAng up Mars Page 23
- Here lies not in, but on Earth's Womb Page 26
- He that marries a merry Lass Page 28
- How happy's the Pris'ner who conquers his Fate Page 34
- Hold back thy hours, dark night Page 51
- How bonny and brisk, how pleasant and sweet Page 61
- Had Daphne Honour, Wealth or Fame Page 93
- Happy is the Man that takes delight Page 110
- How severe is Fate to break a heart Page 111
- How cruel is Fortune grown Page 111
- How happy art thou and I Page 121
- How quiet the Town is Page 129
- How mighty are the charms of Woman kind Page 132
- [Page]He's a Phlegmatick Lover Page 134
- How happy and free is the resolute Swain Page 138
- IF Wealth would keep a Man alive Page 13
- I always resolved to be free from her charms Page 18
- I wo' not go to't, I mun not go to't Page 28
- I'le sing you a Song that was never in Print Page 48
- I know more then Apollo Page 49
- I'de have you quoth he Page 66
- I never shall henceforth approve Page 69
- In Caves full of Skulls and rotten old Bones Page 71
- I charge thee Neptone as thou art just resign Page 84
- I have heard your amorous Tone Page 101
- I know more then Apollo Page 105
- In Faith 'tis true I am in Love Page 120
- I found my Celia one night undrest Page 124
- I courted a Lass, my folly Page 142
- LOng since Clarinda my passion did move Page 5
- Let the Bowl pass free Page 17
- Let Fortune and Phillis frown if they please Page 41
- Loe behind a Scene of Seas Page 68
- A Latin Song Page 103
- A Latin Song Page 164
- Laurinda who did love disdain Page 130
- Loves soss deluding charms Page 130
- MAke a noise pull it out Page 8
- Make a Bed in the deep Page 15
- My jolly good Friends who to mirth are enclin'd Page 125
- My Muse denies to Apologize Page 135
- My Gaffer, and Gammer were fast in their Nest Page 139
- NOw that the cold Winter's expell'd by the Sun Page 2
- Nymph and Shepherd come away Page 36
- [Page]Nay let me alone Page 62
- No I will sooner trust the Wind Page 82
- No, no, 'tis in vain Page 92
- No Joys like to those of a new married Bride Page 93
- Now drink i [...] all off Page 103
- Never more will I protest Page 113
- No, no, thou all of red and white Page 150
- OH Celia come tell me how long it will be Page 12
- Oh Delia for I know 'tis thee Page 23
- Oh that Joy so soon should wast Page 33
- Oh name not the day lest my [...] reprove Page 59
- Oh sorrow, sorrow, say [...] dost thou dwel Page 71
- Oh Celia come tell me [...] Page 100
- POor Citizen if thou wilt be Page 52
- Poor Corydon thy flames remove Page 112
- Peace Cupid take thy bow in hand Page 134
- Poor Celia once-was very fair Page 140
- Peace and silence be the guid [...] Page 142
- [Page]Philander and Sylvia a gentle young pair Page 143
- Phillis I pray Page 149
- STay shut not the Gate Page 32
- Since we poor slavish Women know Page 40
- Sure it is so, then let it go Page 74
- Still to be neat, still to be drest Page 79
- Since Celia's my Foe Page 90
- Strephon what enviom Cloud bath made Page 117
- THe delights of the Bottle, and charms of good Wine Page 5
- Tell me no more you live Page 3
- 'Tis not enough great Gods, 'tis not enough Page 5
- The Pot and the Pipe Page 28
- 'Tis late and cold stir up the fire Page 42
- Thou joy of all hearts, and delight of all Eyes Page 52
- To play upon a Viol if Page 60
- They call, they call, what noise is that Page 62
- Tyrant thou seek'st in vain Page 63
- Thou art so fair and cruel to [...] Page 67
- Turn off the Glass 'tis a crime to see't full Page 73
- [Page]'Twas in the pleasant Month of May Page 75
- The Glories of our Birth and State Page 77
- Thou fair Ʋsurper of my Fate Page 88
- The World is grown mad and turn'd upside down Page 109
- Take, oh take those Lips away Page 145
- Venus chanc't to love a Boy Page 42
- VVHy should so much beauty fear Page 1
- What sighs and groans now fill my breast Page 6
- Why should Friends and Kindred gravely make thee Page 7
- Were Celia but as chast as fair Page 14
- What a madness it is to give over our drink [...]ing Page 15
- When a Woman that's bux [...]m to a D [...]tard doth Wed Page 16
- When first I saw fair Celia's face Page 21
- What mean the dull Poets themselves to abuse Page 22
- When I see the young Men play Page 24
- Where the Bee sucks, there suck I Page 27
- [Page]Woman who is by Nature wild Page 30
- What an Ass is he Page 48
- When first my free heart Page 53
- What does the fair Clariza mean Page 55
- When [...] my dear Delia my heart did surprize Page 61
- What shall we do Page 66
- Why lovely Celia should I fear Page 70
- Whilst Alexis lay prest Page 72
- What makes you all so dull Page 76
- When Aurelia first I courted Page 78
- Why should we not laugh and be jolly Page 80
- Why Phillis to me so untrue and unkind Page 89
- When youth do agree to be merry and free Page 108
- Where ever I am, and what ever I do Page 122
- When I shall leave this clod of clay Page 128
- With an old Song made by an ancient old pate Page 145
- YOu Lovers Love on Page 29
- You merry Poets old Boys Page 39
- Ye she-friends and he-frriends Page 85
AN INDEX, DIRECTING How to find out any of the aforegoing Letters in their proper Pages.
- A Father to his Son at School in the Countrey Page 49
- The Sons Answer Page 50
- A Citizen returning his Friend kind thanks for his entertainment when he was in the Countrey. Page 51
- The countrey Gentleman's Answer to the Citizen Page 52
- A merry Letter to invite a Friend to the Tavern Page 52
- [Page]His Friend's Answer Page 53
- A Letter from a Gentleman to a young Lady whom he courted to marry Page 54
- The young Ladies answer Page 55
- A Countrey Farmers Son to one of his Neighbours Daughters Page 56
- Her kind Answer Page 57
- A Letter to court a young Widdow who had lately buried her Husband Page 57
- The Widdows Answer Page 59
- A Merchant to his Factor in the East-Indies Page 60
- The Factor's Answer Page 61
- A Letter to disswade a Friend from marrying Page 61
- The Young Man's merry Answer Page 64
- A Letter of Anger sent to his Friend for an affrent given at their last meeting Page 66
- His Friend's short Answer Page 67
- A Letter to chastise a near Kinsman who was given to Extravagancy Page 67
- His Kinsman's Answer Page 69
- A Letter from a Countrey Shop-keeper to a Grocer in London for commodities Page 70
- The London Grocer's Auswer to his Countrey Chapman Page 71
- A Letter from a Citizen to his Friend in the Countrey to send him up a Prentice Page 72
- [Page]The Countrey Gentleman's kind Answer Page 73
- A Letter of advice for health Page 73
- The Gentleman's Answer Page 74
- A Letter to his Friend in praise of his Mitress Page 75
- His Friend's merry Answer in praising his foul Mistress by the Contraries Page 77
- A Letter sent to his Friend a Sommerset shire Man full of Complements Page 80
- The Sommerset-shire Man's clowish Answer in their own Countrey Language Page 81
- A loving Letter sent to a Gentle-woman Page 82
- The Gentle-woman's kind Answer Page 83
- A Letter from a Gentle-woman to her Husband, who had buried her Child in the Country Page 85
- The Husband's Answer Page 86
- A Letter to congratulate a Friend's happy return from his long Journey Page 86
- The Captain's thank ful Answer to his Friend's Letter expressed with many Complements Page 88
- A hasty Letter to his Cousin Page 89
- His Consin's hasty Answer Page 90
- A Letter sent to his Friend condoling his long sickness Page 90
- The sick Man's thank ful Answer Page 91
- A Letter to perswade a Friend to betake himself [Page]to business Page 92
- His Friend's short Answer Page 94
- A Letter from an Elder Brother to the Younger, reproving him of extravagancy Page 95
- The Younger Brother's Answer Page 96
- A Letter sent from a London Quaker to one of his Country Brethren Page 98
- The Country Quaker's Answer Page 99
- A Letter of Excuse Page 99
- The Gentleman's Answer Page 100
- A Letter sent to a Gentleman in way of petition Page 101
- The Gentleman's Answer Page 102
- A Letter from a Gentleman to a Countrey School-master, concerning putting his Son to School with him Page 103
- The Schoolmaster's Answer Page 104
- A kind Letter to a Gentle-woman with a Ring sent as a token Page 105
- The Gentle womans Answer Page 106
- A Letter sent to a Gentleman as a challenge Page 106
- The Answer Page 107
- A Letter desiring his Friend to acquaint him with what news is stirring Page 108
- His Friends Answer Page 109
- A dunning Letter sent from a Creditor to his Debtor for Money Page 110
- The Debtor's Answer Page 111
- [Page]A Letter to perswade a Friend to marry Page 112
- His Friend's Answer Page 114
- A Letter complaining of such long silence, in his Friend, in writing no oftner to him Page 115
- His Friend's Answer Page 116
- A cunning Letter sent to a crafty Friend to borrow Money Page 116
- The Answer Page 117
- A Letter to his angry Sweet-heart Page 118
- Her short but loving Answer Page 118
- A Letter upon the delay of a courtesie desired Page 119
- The Answer Page 119
- A Letter of Counsel and good advice from a Father to his Son Page 120
- The Son's dutiful Answer Page 121
- A merry Letter after the old fashion sent to a Maid Page 121
- Her Answer Page 123
- A Letter from a Father to a Son at the Ʋniverfity Page 123
- The Son's Answer Page 125
- A Danghters Letter to her Mother Page 126
- The Mothers kind Answer Page 127
- A Letter of comfort sent to a Friend in adverfity Page 127
- [Page]His Friend's thank ful Answer Page 128
- A Letter sent to a Friend perswading him that he was a Cuckold Page 129
- His Friend's Answer Page 130
- A Fantastical Comical Letter sout to a Friend to try both his wit and patience Page 131
- The Answer Page 132
- A Conceited Letter from a Countrey Schoolmaster who thought himself to be a great Scholar Page 132
- The Gentleman's Answer Page 133
- A contional Letter from a Husband to his Young Wife in the Country Page 134
- His Wifes Answer Page 135
- A Letter to invite a Friend to a Wedding Page 136
- His Friend's Answer Page 137
- A Letter of farewel sent to a Friend from one that was going a long Journey Page 138
- The Answer Page 139
- How to begin Letters with Complements Page 140
- Supplements with choice Phrases and Sentences to be used in the middle of Letters upon all occasions Page 151
- [Page]Conclusions and Endings of Letters of all sorts and upon all occasions Page 157
- Superscriptions for Letters suitable for, all Degrees and Qualities of Men and Women Page 16 [...]
- Posies for Rings, or Motto's fit for presents. Page 166