THE WORKS OF Mr. JOHN OLDHAM, Together with his REMAINS.
LONDON: Printed for Jo. Hindmarsh, Bookseller to his Royal Highness, at the Black Bull in Cornhil, 1684
CONTENTS.
- PRologue to the Satyr upon the Jesuits. Page 1
- The first Satyr. Garnet's Ghost addressing to the Jesuits met in private Cabal after the Murder of Godfrey. 5
- The Second Satyr. 24
- The Third Satyr. Loyola's Will. 39
- The Fourth Satyr. S. Ignatius's Image brought in, discovering the Rogueries of the Jesuits, and ridiculous Superstition of the Church of Rome. 74
- The Satyr against Vertue. Pindarique Ode 93
- An Apology for the foregoing Ode by way of Epilog. 111
- The Passion of Byblis out of Ovid's Metamorphosis imitated in English. 119
- Upon a Woman who by her Falshood and Scorn was the Death of his Friend. A Satyr. 139
- Horace his Art of Poetry imitated in English. 1
- An Imitation of Horace. Book I. Satyr 9. 43
- Paraphrase upon Horace. Boook I. Ode 13. 54
- Paraphrase upon Horace. Book II. Ode 14. 58
- The Praise of Homer. Pindarique Ode. 62
- The Lamentation for Adonis imitated out of the Greek of Bion of Smyrna, Pastoral. Bion, A Pastoral in imitation of the Greek of Moschus, bewailing the Death of the Earl of Rochester. 73
- Paraphrase upon the 137 Psalm. Pindarique Ode. 99
- Paraphrase upon the Hymn of S. Amb. Pindariq. Ode 107
- A Letter out of the Country to a Friend in Town, giving an account of the Author's inclination to Poetry. 118
- Upon a Printer, that expos'd him by printing a Piece of his grosly mangled and faulty. A Satyr 131
- Monsieur Boileau's Satyr upon Man, imitated 1
- Juvenal's thirteenth Satyr, imitated 25
- David's Lamentation for the Death of Saul and Jonathan, paraphras'd. Ode 49
- The Ode of Aristotle in Athenaeus, paraphrased 66
- [Page] Upon the Works of Ben. Johnson. Ode 69
- The Ninth Ode of the third Book of Horace, imitated 87
- Upon a Lady, who by overturning of a Coach had her Coats behind flung up, and what was under shewn to the view of the Company 90
- Catullus, Epigram 7. imitated 97
- The fourth Elegy of the second Book of Ovid's Amours, imitated 99
- The Fifth Elegy of the same Book, imitated 104
- The Tenth Elegy of the same Book, imitated 110
- A Fragment of Petronius, paraphrased 114
- An Ode of Anacreon, paraphrased 116
- An Allusion to Martial, Book I. Epigr. 118. 120
- The Dream, an Elegy 122
- A Satyr, touching Nobility. Out of French 127
- A Satyr, addressed to a Friend that is about to leave the University and come abroad in the World 137
- Presenting a Book to Cosmelia. Elegy 149
- The Parting. Elegy 153
- Complaining of Absence. Elegy 156
- Promising a Visit. Elegy 158
- The careless Good Fellow. Song 160
- A Satyr concerning Poetry 164
- The Third Satyr of Juvenal, imitated 180
- A Dithyrambick. The Drunkards Speech in a Mask 260
- Counterpart to the Satvr against Vertue, 1
- Virg. Eclogue VIII. The Enchantment 13
- To Madam L. E. upon her Recovery from a fit of Sickness 22
- On the Death of Mrs. Katharine Kingscourt, a Child of excellent Parts and Piety 31
- A Sunday-Thought in Sickness 34
- To the Memory of Mr. Charles Morwent 49
- To the Memory of that worthy Gentleman M. Harman Atwood 95
SATYRS UPON THE JESUITS: Written in the YEAR 1679.
And some other PIECES By the same HAND.
The Third Edition Corrected.
LONDON: Printed for Joseph Hindmarsh, at the Black Bull in Cornhill. 1685.
Advertisement.
THE Author might here (according to the laudible custom of Prefaces) entertain the Reader with a Discourse of the Original, Progress, and Rules of Satyr, and let him understand, that he has lately Read Casaubon, and several other Criticks upon the Point; but at present he is minded to wave it, as a vanity he is in no wise fond of. His only intent now is to give a brief account of what he Publishes, in order to prevent what Censures he foresees may coulourably be past thereupon: And that is, as followeth:
What he calls the Prologue, is in imitation of Persius, who has prefix'd somewhat by that Name before his Book of Satyrs, and may serve for a pretty good Authority. The first Satyr he drew by Sylla's Ghost in the great Johnson, which may be perceived by some strokes and touches therein, however short they come of the Original. In the second, he only followed the swinge of his own [...]. The Design, and some Passages of the Franciscan of Buchanan. Which ingenious confession he thinks fit to make, to shew he has more modesty than the common Padders in Wit of these times. He doubts, there may be some few mistakes in Chronology therein, which for want of Books he could [...]ot inform himself in. If the skilful Reader meet with any such, he may the more easily pardon them upon that score. Whence he had the hint of the fourth, is obvious to all, that are any thing acquainted with Horace. And without the Authority of so great a President, the making of an Image speak, is but an ordinary Miracle in Poetry. He expects, that some will tax him of Buffoonery, and turning holy things into ridicule. But le [...] them Read, how severely Arnobius, Lactantius, Minutius Felix, and the gravest Fathers; have railly'd the fopperies and superstitions of the Heathen, and then consider whether those, [Page] which he has chosen for his Argument, are not as worthy of laughter. The only difference is that they did it in Prose, as he does in Verse, where perhaps 'tis the more allowable.
As for the next Poem (which is the most liable to censure) tho the world has given it the Name of the Satyr against Vertue, he declares 'twas never design'd to that intent, how apt soever some may be to wrest it. And this appears by what is said after it, and is discernable enough to all, that have the sense to understand it, 'Twas meant to abuse those, who valued themselves upon their Wit and Parts, in praising Vice, and to shew, that others of sober Principles, if they would take the same liberty in Poetry, could strain as high rants in Profaneness as they. At first he intended it not for the publick, nor to pass beyond the privacy of two or three Friends, but seeing it had the Fate to steal abroad in Manuscript, and afterwards in Print, without his knowledg, he now thinks it a Justice due to his own Reputation, to have it come forth without those faults, which it has suffered from Transcribers and the Press hitherto, and which make it a worse Satyr upon himself, than upon what it was design'd.
Something should be said too of the last Trifle, if it were worth it. 'Twas occasioned upon reading the late Translations of Ovid's Epistles, which gave him a mind to try what he could do upon a like Subject. Those being already forestall'd, he thought fit to make choice of the same Poet, whereon perhaps he has taken too much liberty. Had he seen Mr. Sandys his Translation before he began, he never durst have ventured: Since he has, and finds reason enough to despair of his undertaking. But now 'tis done, he is loth to burn it, and chuses rather to give somebody else the trouble. The Reader may do as he pleases, either like it, or put it to the use of Mr. Jordan's Works. 'Tis the first attempt, he ever made in this kind, and likely enough to be the last, his vein (if he may be thought to have any) lying another way.
SATYRS UPON THE JESUITS.
PROLOGUE
SATYR I. Garnet's Ghost addressing to the Jesuits, met in private Cabal just after the Murder of Godfrey.
SATYR II.
SATYR III. Loyala's Will.
SATYR IV. S. Ignatius his Image brought in, discovering the Rogueries of the Jesuits, and ridiculous Superstition of the Church of Rome.
ODE.
An Apology for the foregoing Ode, by way of Epilogue.
THE Passion of Byblis OUT OF Ovid's Metamorphosis, B. 9. F. 11. Beginning at Byblis in exemplo est, ut ament concessa puellae. And ending with—Modumque Exit, & infelix committit saepe repelli.
A SATYR Upon a WOMAN, who by her Falshood and Scorn was the Death of my Friend.
SOME NEW PIECES Never before Publish'd.
By the Author of the Satyrs upon the Jesuites.
LONDON: Printed by M. C. for Jo. Hindmarsh, Bookseller to his Royal Highness, at the Black Bull in Cornhil, 1684.
ADVERTISEMENT.
BEing to appear anew in the World, it may be expected, that I should say something concerning these ensuing Trisies, which I shall endeavour to do with as much briefness, as I did besore what I last published in this kind.
I doubt not but the Reader will think me guilty of an high presumption in adventuring upon a Translation of The Art of Poetry, after two such great Hands as have gone before me in the same attempts: I need not acquaint him, that I mean Ben Johnson, and the Earl of Roscommon, the one being of so establish'd an Authority, that whatever he did is held as Sacred, the other having lately performed it with such admirable success, as almost cuts off all hope in any after Pretenders of ever coming up to what he has eone. Howbeit, when I let him kn [...]w, that it was a Task imposed upon me, and not what I voluntarily engaged in; I hope he will be the more favourable in his Censures. I would indeed very willingly have wav'd the undertaking upon the forementioned account, and urged it as a reason for my declining the same, but it would not be allowed as sufficient to excuse me therefrom. Wherefore, being prevailed upon to make an Essay. I fell to thinking of some course, whereby I might serve my self of the Advantages, which those that went before me, have either not [Page] minded, or scrupulously abridged themselves of. This I soon imagined was to be effected by putting Horace into a more modern dress, than hitherto he has appeared in, that is by making him speak, as if he were living, and writing now. I therefore resolved to alter the Scene from Rome to London, and to make use of English names of Men, Places, and Customs, where the Parallel would decently permit, which I conceived would give a kind of new Air to the Poem, and render it more agreeable to the rellish of the present Age.
With these Considerations I set upon the Work, and pursued it accordingly. I have not, I acknowledg, been ever-nice in keeping to the words of the Original, for that were to transgress a Rule therein contained. Nevertheless I have been religiously strict to its sense, and express'd it in as plain, and intelligible a manner, as the Subject would bear. Where I may be thought to have varied from it (which is not above once or twi [...]e, and in Passages not much material) the skilful Reader will perceive 'twas necessary for carrying on my proposed design, and the Author himself, were he again alive, would (I believe) forgive me. I have been careful to avoid stiffness, and made it my endeavour to hit (as near as I could) the easie and familiar way of writing, which is peculiar to Horace in his Epistles, and was his proper Talent above any of mankind. After all, 'tis humbly submitted to the judgment of the truly knowing, how I have acquitted my self herein. Let the success be what it will, I shall not however wholly repent of my undertaking, being (I [Page] reckon) in some measure recompenced for my pains by the advantage I have reaped of fixing these admirable Rules of Sense so well in my memory.
The Satyr and Odes of the Author, which follow next in order, I have translated after the same libertine way. In them also I labour'd under the disadvantages of coming after other persons. The Satyr had been made into a Scene by Ben Johnson, in a Play of his, called the Poetaster. After I had finished my imitation thereof, I came to learn, that it had been done likewise by Dr. Sprat, and since I have had the sight of it amongst the Printed Translations of Horace's Works. The Odes are there done too, but not so excellently well, as, to discourage any farther endeavours. If these of mine meet with good entertainment in the world, I may perhaps find leisure to attempt some other of them, which at present suffer as much from their Translaters, as the Psalms of David from Sternhold and Hopkins.
The two sacred Odes I designed not to have made publick now, forasmuch as they might seem unfit to appear among Subjects of this nature, and were intended to come forth apart hereafter in company of others of their own kind. But, having suffer'd Copies of them to straggle abroad in Manuscript, and remembring the Fate of some other Pieces of mine, which have formerly stoln into the Press without my leave, or knowledg, and be exposed to the world abominably false and uncorrect; to prevent the same misfortune likely en [...]ugh to befal these, I have been persuaded to yield my consent to their Publishing [Page] amongst the rest. Nor is the Printing of such Miscellanies altogether so unpresidented, but that it may be seen in the Editions of Dr. Donne, and Mr. Cowley's Works, whether done by their own appointment, or the sole direction of the Stationers, I am not able to determine.
As for the two Essays out of Greek, they were occasioned by a report, that some persons found fault with the roughness of my Satyrs formerly published, tho, upon what ground they should do it, I could be glad to be informed. Unless I am mistaken, there are not many Lines but will endure the reading without shocking any Hearer, that is not too nice, and censorious. I confess, I did not so much mind the Cadence, as the Sense and expressiveness of my words, and therefore chose not those, which were best disposed to placing themselves in Rhyme, but rather the most keen, and tuant, as being the most sutable to my Argument. And certainly no one that pretends to distinguish the several Colours of Poetry, would expect that Juvenal, when he is lashing of Vice and Villany, should flow so smoothly, as Ovid, or Tibullus, when they are describing Amours and Gallantries, and have nothing to disturb and ruffle the evenness of their Stile.
Howbeit, to shew that the way I took, was out of choice, not want of judgment, and that my Genius is not wholly uncapa [...]e of performing upon more gay and agreeable Subjects, if my humour inclined me to exercise it, I have pitch'd upon these two, which the greatestmen of sense have allowed to be some of the softest and tenderest of all Antiquity. Nay, if we [Page] will believe Rapine, one of the best Criticks which these latter Ages have produced; they have no other fault, than that they are too exquisitely delicate for the Character of Pastoral, which should not seem too laboured, and w [...]ose chief beauty is an unaffected air of plainness and simplicity.
That, which laments the Death of Adonis has been attempted in Latine by several great Masters, namely, Vulcanius, Douza, and Monsieur le Fevre. The last of them has done it Paraphrastically, but left good part of the Poem toward the latter end untouch'd, perhaps because he thought it not so capable of Ornament, as the rest. Him I chiefly chose to follow, as being most agreeable to my way of translating, and where I was at a loss for want of his guidance, I was content to steer by my own Fancy.
The Translation of that upon Bion was begun by another Hand, as far as the first fifteen Verses, but who was the Author I could never yet learn. I have been told that they were done by the Earl of Rochester; but I could not well believe it, both because he seldom medled with such Subjects, and more especially by reason of an uncorrect line, or two to be found amongst them, at their first coming to my hands, which never us'd to flow from his excellent Pen. Conceiving it to be in the Original, a piece of as much Art, Grace, and Tenderness, as perhaps was ever offered to the Ashes of a Poet, I thought fit to dedicate it to the memory of that incomparable Person, of whom nothing can be said, or thought so choice and curious, which his Deserts do not surmount. If it be thought mean to have borrowed the sense of another to praise him [Page] in, yet at least it argues at the same time a value and reverence, that I durst not think any thing of my own good enough for his Commendation.
This is all, which I judg material to be said of these following Resveries. As for what others are to be found in the parcel, I reckon them not worth mentioning in particular, but leave them wholly open and unguarded to the mercy o [...] the Reader; let him make his Attaques how, and where he please.
HORACE His ART of POETRY, Imitated in English.
Address'd by way of Letter to a Friend.
An Imitation of HORACE. BOOK I. SATYR IX.
Written in June, 1681.
Paraphrase upon HORACE. BOOK I. ODE XXXI.
Paraphrase upon HORACE. BOOK II. ODE XIV.
The PRAISE of HOMER. ODE.
Two Pastorals out of the Greek.
BION. A Pastoral, in Imitation of the Greek of Moschus, bewailing the Death of the Earl of ROCHESTER.
The Lamentation for ADONIS. Imitated out of the Greek of Bion of Smyrna.
PASTORAL.
Paraphrase upon the 137. Psalm.
Paraphrase upon the HYMN of St. AMBROSE.
ODE.
A Letter from the Country to a Friend in Town, giving an Account of the Author's Inclinations to Poetry.
Written in July, 1678.
Upon a Printer that exposed him by Printing a Piece of his grosly mangled, and faulty.
POEMS, AND Translations.
By the AUTHOR of The Satyrs upon the Jesuits.
LONDON, Printed for Jos. Hindmarsh, Bookseller to his Royal Highness, at the Black Bull in Cornhill, 1684.
Advertisement.
THE Author of the following Pieces must be excused for their being hudled out so confusedly. They are Printed just as he finished them off, and some things there are which he designed not ever to expose, but was fain to do it, to keep the Press at work, when it was once set a going. If it be their Fate to perish, and go the way of all mortal Rhimes, 'tis no great matter in what method they have been placed, no more than whether Ode, Elegy, or Satyr have the honour of Wiping first. But if they, and what he has formerly made Publick, be so happy as to live, and come forth in an Edition all together; perhaps he may then think them worth the sorting in better Order. By that time belike he means to have ready a very Sparkish Dedication, if he can but get himself known to some Great Man, that [Page] will give a good parcel of Guinnies for being handsomly flatter'd. Then likewise the Reader (for his farther comfort) may expect to see him appear with all the Pomp and Trappings of an Author; his Head in the Front very finely cut, together with the Year of his Age, Commendatory Verses in abundance, and all the Hands of the Poets of the Quorum to confirm his Book, and pass it for Authentick. This at present is content to come abroad naked, Undedicated, and unprefaced, without one kind Word to shelter it from Censure; and so let the Criticks take it amongst them.
THE TABLE.
- MOnfieur Boileau's Satyr upon Man, imitated, Page 1
- Juvenal's thirteenth Satyr, imitated 25
- David's Lamentation for the Death of Saul and Jonathan, paraphras'd. Ode 49
- The Ode of Aristotle in Athenaeus, paraphrased 66
- Upon the Works of Ben. Johnson. Ode 69
- The ninth Ode of the third Book of Horace, imitated 87
- Upon a Lady, who by overturning of a Coach had her Coats behind flung up, and what was under shewn to the view of the Company 90
- Catullus, Epigram 7. imitated 97
- The fourth Elegy of the second Book of Ovid's Amours, imitated 99
- The fifth Elegy of the same Book, imitated 104
- The tenth Elegy of the same Book, imitated 110
- A Fragment of Petronius, paraphrased 114
- An Ode of Anacreon, paraphrased 116
- An Allusion to Martial, Book 1. Epigr. 118. 120
- The Dream, an Elegy 122
- A Satyr, touching Nobility. Out of French 127
- [Page] A Satyr, addressed to a Friend that is about to leave the University and come abroad in the world 137
- Presenting a Book to Cosmelia. Elegy 149
- The Parting. Elegy 153
- Complaining of Absence. Elegy 156
- Promising a Visit. Elegy 158
- The careless Good Fellow. Song 160
- A Satyr concerning Poetry 164
- The third Satyr of Juvenal, imitated 180
- A Dithyrambick. The Drunkards Speech in a Mask 206
THE EIGHTH SATYR OF Monsieur BOILEAU, Imitated.
Written in October, 1682.
The POET brings himself in, as discoursing with a Doctor of the University upon the Subject ensuing.
THE THIRTEENTH SATYR OF JUVENAL, Imitated.
Written in April, 1682.
The POET comforts a Friend, that is overmuch concerned for the loss of a considerable Sum of Money, of which he has lately been cheated by a person, to whom he intrusted the same. This he does by shewing, that nothing comes to pass in the world without Divine Providence, and that wicked Men (however they seem to escape its Punishment here) [Page 26] yet suffer abundantly in the torments of an evil Conscience. And by the way takes occasion to lash the Degeneracy, and Villany of the present Times.
DAVID'S LAMENTATION For the DEATH of SAUL and JONATHAN, PARAPHRAS'D.
Written in September, 1677.
ODE.
THE ODE OF Aristotle in Athenaeus, PARAPHRAS'D.
Upon the WORKS of BEN. JOHNSON.
Written in 1678.
ODE.
THE NINTH ODE Of the Third Book of HORACE, IMITATED.
A Dialogue betwixt the Poet and Lydia.
UPON A LADY, Who by overturning of a Coach, had her Coats behind flung up, and what was under shewn to the View of the Company.
Out of Voiture.
CATULLUS EPIGR. VII. IMITATED.
SOME ELEGIES OUT OF OVID'S Amours, IMITATED.
BOOK II. ELEGY IV. That he loves Women of all sorts and sizes.
BOOK II. ELEGY V. To his Mistris that jilted him.
BOOK II. ELEGY X. To a Friend, Acquainting him, that he is in Love with two at one time.
A FRAGMENT of PETRONIUS, PARAPHRAS'D.
AN ODE OF ANACREON, PARAPHRAS'D.
The CUP.
An Allusion to MARTIAL. BOOK I. EPIG. 118.
THE DREAM.
Written, March 10. 1677.
A SATYR TOUCHING NOBILITY.
Out of Monsieur BOILEAU.
A SATYR. Addressed to a Friend, that is about to leave the University, and come abroad in the World.
SOME VERSE Written in Septemb. 1676.
Presenting a Book to COSMELIA.
THE PARTING.
Complaining of ABSENCE.
Promising a VISIT.
THE CARELESS Good Fellow.
Written, March 9. 1680.
SONG.
A SATYR.
The Person of Spencer is brought in, Dissuading the Author from the Study of POETRY, and shewing how little it is esteem'd and encouraged in this present Age.
A SATYR, In Imitation of the Third of JUVENAL.
Written, May, 1682.
The Poet brings in a Friend of his, giving him an account why he removes from London to live in the Country.
A Dithyrambick. The Drunkards Speech in a Mask.
Written in Aug. 1677.
[Tries to go off, but tumbles down, and falls asleep.
REMAINS OF Mr. John Oldham IN VERSE and PROSE.
LONDON: Printed for Jo. Hindmarsh, Bookseller to his Royal Highness, at the Black Bull in Cornil, 1684.
Advertisement.
THe Author of these following Poems being dead, the Publisher thought fit to acquaint the World, that the reason why he exposed them now in Print, was not so much for his own Interest (tho a Bookseller that disclaims Interest for a pretence, will no more be believed now adays, than a thorough paced Phanatick, that pretends he makes a journey to New England purely for conscience sake) but for securing the reputation of Mr. Oldham; which might otherwise have suffered from worse hands, and out of a desire he has to print the last Remains of his friend since he had the good fortune to publish his first Pieces.
[Page] He confesses that it is the greatest piece of injustice to publish the posthumous Works of Authors, especially such, that we may suppose they had brought to the file and sent out with more advantages into the World, had they not been prevented by untimely death; and therefore assures you he had never presumed to print these following Miscellanies, had they not already been countenanced by men of unquestionable repute and esteem.
He is not of the same perswasion with several others of his own profession, that never care how much they lessen the reputation of the Poet, if they can but inhance the value of the Book; that ransackt he Studies of the deceased, and print all that passed under the Author's hands, from Fifteen to Forty, and upwards: and (as the incomparable Mr. Cowley has [Page] exprest it) think a rude heap of ill placed Stones a better Monument than a neat Tomb of Marble.
For the Description of the Country P—(the only part in this Book that he judges liable to exception) he makes you no Apology at all; For to men of candor and judgment any thing that comes from Mr. Oldham will certainly be acceptable; to others that are resolved to damn at first sight he thinks a defence of this nature signifies no more than a Plantiffs perswasions to a hungry Judg after twelve. However he is very confident that the rest of Mr. Oldham's pieces will abundantly atone for one unfinished draught, and that no man of sense and reason will quarel at one bad half Crown, in a good, round, substantial lump of Money.
To the MEMORY of Mr. OLDHAM.
Authori Epitaphium.
On the Death of Mr. John Oldham, A Pindarique Pastoral Ode.
In memory of the Author.
On the ensuing Poems of Mr. John Oldham, and the Death of his good Friend the ingenious Author.
On the Death of Mr. John Oldham.
DAMON, an ECLOGUE On the untimely Death of Mr. Oldham.
- Corydon.
- Alexis.
Occasioned by the present Edition of the ensuing Poems, and the Death of the ingenious Author.
CONTENTS.
- COunterpart to the Satyr against Vertue, Page 1
- Virg. Eclogue VIII. The Enchantment 13
- To Madam L. E. upon her Recovery from a fit of Sickness 22
- On the Death of Mrs. Katharine Kingscourt, a Child of excellent Parts and Piety 31
- A Sunday-thought in Sickness 34
- To the Memory of Mr. Charles Morwent 49
- To the Memory of that worthy Gentleman Mr. Harman Atwood. 95
- Character of a certain ugly Old P—111
COUNTERPART TO THE SATYR against VERTUE.
In Person of the Author.
Virg. ECLOGUE VIII. The Enchantment.
- Poet,
- Damon,
- Alpheus,
- Speakers.
To Madam L. E. upon her Recovery from a late Sickness.
On the Death of Mrs. Katharine Kingscourt a Child of Excellent Parts and Piety.
A Sunday-Thought in Sickness.
LOrd, how dreadful is the Prospect of Death at the remotest Distance! How the smallest Apprehension of it can pall the most gay, airy and brisk Spirits! Even I, who thought I could have been merry in sight of my Coffin, and drink a Health with the Sexton in my own Grave, now tremble at the least Envoy of the King of Terrors. To see but the shaking of my Glass makes me turn pale, and fear is like to prevent and do the Work of my Distemper. All the Jollity of my Humor and Conversation is turn'd on a suddain into shagrin and melancholy, black as Despair, and dark as the Grave. My Soul and Body seem at [Page 35] once laid out, and I fancy all the Plummets of Eternal Night already hanging upon my Temples. But whence proceed these Fears? Certainly they are not idle Dreams, nor the accidental Product of my Disease, which disorders the Brains, and fills 'em with odd Chimaera's. Why should my Soul be averse to its Enlargement? Why should it be content to be knit up in two Yards of Skin, when it may have all the World for its Purliew? 'Tis not that I'm unwilling to leave my Relations and present Friends: I'm parted from the first already, and could be sever'd from both the length of the whole Map, and live with my Body as far distant from them as my Soul must when I'm dead. Neither is it that I'm loth to leave the Delights and Pleasures of the World; some of them I have tried, and found [Page 36] empty, the others covet not, because unknown. I'm confident I could despise 'em all by a Greatness of Soul, did not the Bible oblige me, and Divines tell me, 'tis my Duty. It is not neither that I'm unwilling to go hence before I've establish'd a Reputation, and something to make me survive my self. I could have been content to be Still-born, and have no more than the Register, or Sexton to tell that I've ever been in the Land of the Living. In Fine, 'tis not from a Principle of Cowardise, which the Schools have called Self-preservation, the poor Effect of Instinct and dull pretence of a Brute as well as me. This Unwillingness therefore, and Aversion to undergo the general Fate, must have a juster Original, and flow from a more important Cause. I'm well satisfied that this other Being within, [Page 37] that moves and actuates my Frame of Flesh and Blood, has a Life beyond it and the Grave; and something in it prompts me to believe its immortality. A Residence it must have somewhere else, when it has left this Carcase, and another State to pass into, unchangeable and everlasting as it self after its Separation. This Condition must be good or bad according to its Actions and Deserts in this Life; for as it ows its Being to some Infinite Power that created it, I well suppose it his Vassal, and oblig'd to live by his Law; and as certainly conclude, that according to the keeping or breaking of that Law, 'tis to be rewarded or punish'd hereafter. This Diversity of Rewards and Punishments, makes the two Places, Heaven and Hell, so often mention'd in Scripture, and talk'd of [Page 38] in Pulpits: Of the later my Fears too cruelly convince me, and the Anticipation of its Torment, which I already feel in my own Conscience. There is, there is a Hell, and damned Fiends, and a never-dying Worm, and that Sceptick that doubts of it, may find 'em all within my single Breast. I dare not any longer with the Atheist disbelieve them, or think 'em the Clergy's Bugbears, invented as Nurses do frightful Names for their Children, to scare 'em into Quietness and Obedience. How oft have I triumph'd in my unconcern'd, and sear'd insensibility? How oft boasted of that unhappy suspected Calm, which, like that of the dead Sea, prov'd only my Curse, and [...] treacherous Ambush to those Storms, which at presenc (and will for ever [...] dread) shipwrack my Quiet and Hopes▪ [Page 39] How oft have I rejected the Advice of that Bosom-friend, and drown'd its Alarms in the Noise of a tumultuous Debauch, or by stupifying Wine (like some condemn'd Malefactor) arm'd my self against the Apprehensions of my certain Doom? Now, now the Tyrant awakes, and comes to pay at once all Arrears of Cruelty. At last, but too late (like drowning Mariners) I see the gay Monsters, which inveigled me into my Death and Destruction. Oh the gnawing Remorse of a rash unguarded, unconsidering Sinner! Oh how the Ghosts of former Crimes affright my haunted Imagination, and make me suffer a thousand Racks and Martyrdoms! I see, methinks, the Jaws of Destruction gaping wide to swallow me; and I, (like one sliding on Ice) tho' I see the Danger, cannot stop [Page 40] from running into it. My Fancy represents to me a whole Legion of Devils, ready to tear me in pieces, numberless as my Sins or Fears; and whither, Alass! whither shall I fly for Refuge? Where shall I retreat and take Sanctuary? Shall I call the Rocks and Mountains to cover me, or bid the Earth yawn wide to its Center, and take me in? Poor shift of escaping Almighty Justice! Distracting Frenzy! that would make me believe Contradictions, and hope to fly out of the Reach of him whose Presence is every where, not excluded Hell it self; for he's there in the Effects of his Vengeance. Shall I invoke some Power infinite as that that created me, to reduce me to nothing again, and rid me at once of my Being and all that tortures it? Oh no, 'tis in vain, I must be forc'd into Being, to keep me [Page 47] fresh for Torment, and retain Sense only to feel Pain. I must be a dying to all Eternity, and live ever, to live ever wretched. Oh that Nature had plac'd me in the Rank of things that have only a bare Existence, or at best an Animal Life, and never given me a Soul and Reason, which now must contribute to my Misery, and make me envy Brutes and Vegetables! Would the Womb that bare me had been my Prison till now, or I step'd out of it into my Grave, and sav'd the Expences and Toil of a long and tedious Journey, where Life affords nothing of Accommodations to invite one's Stay. Happy had I been if had expir'd with my first Breath, and enter'd the Bill of Mortality as soon as the World: Happy if I had been drown'd in my Font, and that Water which was to regenerate, [Page 42] and give me New Life, had prov'd mortal in another sence! I had then died without any Guilt of my own but what I brought into the World with me, and that too atton'd for; I mean that which I contracted from my first Parents, my unhappiness rather than Fault, inasmuch as I was fain to be born of a sinning Race: Then I had never enhaunc'd it with acquir'd Guilt, never added those innumerable Crimes which must make up my Indictment at the grand Audit. Ungrateful Wretch! I've made my Sins as numerous as those Blessings and Mercies the Almighty Bounty has conferr'd upon me, to oblige and lead me to Repentance. How have I abus'd and misimployed those Parts and Talents which might have render'd me serviceable to Mankind, and repaid an interest [Page 43] of Glory to their Donor? How ill do they turn to account which I have made the Patrons of Debauchery, and Pimps and Panders to Vice? How oft have I broke my Vows to my Great Creator, which I would be conscientious of keeping to a silly Woman, a Creature beneath my self? What has all my Religion been but an empty Parade and shew? Either an useful Hypocrisie taken up for Interest, or a gay specious Formality worn in Complaisance to Custom and the Mode, and as changeable as my Cloths and their Fashion. How oft have I gone to Church (the place where we are to pay him Homage and Duty) as to an Assignation or Play, only for Diversion; or at best, as I must e'er long (for ought I know) with my Soul sever'd from my Body? How I tremble at the Remembrance! [Page 44] as if I could put the sham upon Heaven, or a God were to be impos'd on like my Fellow-Creature: And dare I, convicted of these High Treasons against the King of Glory, dare I expect a Reprieve or Pardon? Has he Thunder, and are not all his Bolts levell'd at my Head, to strike me through the very Center? Yes, I dare appeal to thee, boundless pity and compassion! My own Instances already tells me, that thy Mercy is infinite; for I've done enough to shock Long-sufferance it self, and weary out an Eternal Patience. I beseech thee by thy soft and gentle Attributes of Mercy and Forgiveness, by the last dying Accents of my suffering Deity, have Pity on a poor, humble, prostrate and confessing Sinner: And thou great Ransom of lost Mankind, who offered'st thy self a Sacrifice to attone our [Page 45] Guilt, and redeem our mortgag'd Happiness, do thou be my Advocate, and intercede for me with the angry Judge.
[Page] TO THE MEMORY OF Mr. CHARLES MORWENT.
A PINDARIQUE.
Ignis utique quo clariùs effulsit, citiùs extinguitur, eripit se aufertque ex oculis subitò perfecta virtus: quicquid est absoluti faciliùs transfluit, & optimi neutiquam diurnant.
LONDON, Printed in the Year, 1684.
To the Memory of my Dear Friend, Mr. Charles Morwent: A PINDARIQUE.
To the Memory of that worthy Gentleman, Mr. Harman Atwood.
PINDARIQUE.
CHARACTER OF A Certain Ugly Old P—
LONDON, Printed in the Year, 1684.
CHARACTER.
NO wonder if I am at a Loss to describe him, whom Nature was as much puzzled to make. 'Tis here as in Painting, where the most mishapen. Figures are the greatest Proofs of Skill. To draw a Thersites or AEsop well, requires the Pencil of Vandike or Titian, more than the best Features and Lineaments. All the Thoughts I can frame of him are as rude and indigested as himself. The very Idaea and Conception of him are enough to cramp Grammar, to disturb Sence, and confound Syntax. He's a Solecism in the great Construction, therefore the best Description of him is Nonsence, and [Page 112] the fittest Character to write it in, that Pot-hook-hand the Devil us'd at Oxford in Queens Colledge-Library. He were Topick enough for convincing an Atheist that the World was made by Chance. The first Matter had more of Form and Order, the Chaos more of Symmetry and Proportion. I could call him Nature's By-blow, Miscarriage and Abortive, or say, he is her Embryo slink'd before Maturity; but that is stale and flat, and I must fly a higher Pitch to reach his Deformity. He is the ugliest she ever took Pains to make so, and Age to make worse. All the Monsters of Africa lie kennell'd in his single Skin. He's one of the Grotesques of the Universe, whom the grand Artist drew only (as Painters do uncouth ugly Shapes) to fill up the empty Spaces and [Page 113] Cantons of this▪ great Frame. He's Man anagrammatiz'd: A Mandrake has more of Humane Shape: His Face carries Libel and Lampoon in't. Nature at its Composition wrote Burlesque, and shew'd him how far she could out-do Art in Grimace. I wonder 'tis not hir'd by the Play-houses to draw Antick Vizards by. Without doubt he was made to be laugh'd at, and design'd for the Scaramuchio of Mankind. When I see him, I can no more forbear than at sight of a Zany or Nokes; but am like to run the Risque of the Philosopher, looking on an Ass mumbling Thistles. He's more ill-favour'd than the Picture of Winter drawn by a Fellow that dawbs Sign-Posts, more lowring than the last day of January. I have seen a handsomer Mortal carv'd in Monumental [Page 114] Gingerbread, and woven in Hangings at Mortlock. If you have ever view'd that wooden Gentleman that peeps out of a Country Barber's Window, you may fancy some Resemblance of him. His damn'd squeezing Close-stool. Face can be liken'd to nothing better than the Buttocks of an old wrinkled Baboon, straining upon an Hillock. The very Sight of him in a morning would work with one beyond Jalap and Rhubarb. A Doctor (I'm told) once prescrib'd him to one of his Parishioners for a Purge: he wrought the Effect, and gave the Patient fourteen Stools. 'Tis pity he is not drawn at the City Charges, and hung up in some publick Forica as a Remedy against Costiveness.
Indeed by his Hue you might think he had been employed to that use: One [Page 115] would take him for the Picture of Scoggin or Tarleton on a Privy-house Door, which by long standing there has contracted the Color [...] the neighbouring Excrements. Reading lately how Garagantua came into the World at his Mother's Ear, it put an unlucky thought into my Head concerning him: I presently fancied that he was v [...]ided, not brought forth; that his Dam was deliver'd of him on t'other side, beshit him coming out, and he has ever since retain'd the Stains. His filthy Countenance looks like an old Chimney-piece in a decay'd Inn, sullied with Smoak, and the sprinkling of Ale-pots. 'Tis dirtier than an ancient thumb'd Record, greasier than a Chandler's Shop-book, You'd imagine▪ Snails had crawl'd the Hay upon it. The Case of it is perfect Vellum, and has often [Page 116] been mistaken for it: A Scrivener was like to cheapen it for making Indentures and Deeds: Besides 'tis as wrinkled as a walking Buskin: It has more Furrows then all Cotswold. You may resemble it to a Gammon of Bacon with the Swerd off. I believe the Devil travels over it in his Sleep with Hob-nails in his Shoes. By the Maggot-eaten Sur-face, you'd swear he had been dug out of his Grave agen with all his Worms about him to bait Eel-hooks. But enough of it in General, I think it time to descend to Particulars; I wish I could divide his Face, as he does his Text, i. e. tear it asunder: 'Tis fit I▪ begin with the most remarkable part of it. His Mouth (saving your presence Christian Readers) is like the Devils Arse of Peak, and is just as large. By the [Page 117] Scent you'd take it for the Hole of a Privy: He may be winded by a good Nose at twelve-score; I durst have ventur'd at first being in Company that he dieted on Assa-foetida. His very Discourse stinks in a Literal Sence; 'tis breaking-Wind, and you'd think he talk'd at the other End. Last New-years-day he tainted a Loin of Veal with saying Grace: All the Guests were fain to use the Fanatical Posture in their own Defence, and stand with their Caps over their Eyes like Malefactors going to be turn'd off. That too that renders it the more unsupportable is that it can't be stopp'd: The Breach is too big ever to be clos'd. Were he a Milliner, he might measure Ribbon by it without the help of his Yard or Counter. It reaches so far backwards, those, that have seen him [Page 118] with his Peruke off, say it may be discerned behind. When he gapes, 'twould stretch the Dutchess of Cl to straddle over: I had almost said, 'tis as wide as from Dover to Calice. Could he shut it, the Wrinkles round about would represent the Form of the Seamens Compass, and should he bluster; 'twere a pretty Emblem of those swelling Mouths, at the Corners of Maps puffing out Storms. When he Smoaks, I am always thinking of Mongibel and its Eruptions. His Head looks exactly like a Device on a Kitchin Chimney; His Mouth the Vent and his Nose the Fane. And now I talk of his Snout, I dare not mention the Elephants for fear of speaking too little: I'd make bold with the old Wit, and compare it to the Gnomon of a Dial; but that he has [Page 119] not Teeth enough to stand for the twelve Hours. 'Tis so long, that when he rides a Journey, he makes use of it to open Gates. He's fain to snite it with both Hands. It cannot be wip'd under as much as the Royal Breech. A Man of ordinary Bulk might find Shelter under its Eves, were it not for the Droppings. One protested to me in Raillery that when he looks against the Sun, it shadows his whole Body, as some story of the Sciopodes Feet. Another Hyperbolical Rascal would make me believe that the Arches of it are as large as any two of London-Bridge, or the great Rialto at Venice. Not long ago I met a one-leg'd Tarpawlin that had been begging at his Door, but could get nothing: The witty Whoreson (I remember) swore that his Bow-sprit [Page 120] was as long as that of the Royal Sovereign. I confess, stood he in my way: I durst not venture round by his Foreside, for fear of going half a mile about. 'Tis perfec [...] doubling the Cape: He has this Priviledge for being unmannerly that it will not suffer him to put off his Hat: And therefore ('tis said) at home he has a Cord fasten'd to it, and draws it off with a Pully, and so receives the Addresses of those that visit him. This I'm very confident, he has not heard himself sneeze these seven Years: And that leads me to his Tools of Hearing: His Ears resemble these of a Countrey Justices Black Jack, and are of the same matter, hue, and size: He's as well hung as any Hound in the Countrey; but by their Bulk and growing upward, he deserves to be rank'd with a graver [Page 121] of Beasts: His single self might have shown with Smeck, and all the Club Divines. You may pare enough from the sides of his Head to have furnisht a whole Regiment of Round-Heads: He wears more there then all the Pillories in England ever have done. Man-devile tells us of a People somewhere, that use their Ears for Cushions: He has reduced the Legend to Probability: A Servant of his (that could not conceal the Midas) told me lately in private, that going to Bed he binds them on his Crown, and they serve him instead of Quilt Night-caps. The next observable that falls under my Consideration is his Back: Nor need I go far out of my way to meet it, for it peeps over his Shoulders: He was built with a Buttress to support the weight of his Nose; [Page 122] and help ballance it. Nature hung on him a Knapsack, and made him represent both Tinker and Budget too. He looks like the Visible Tye of AEneas bolstring up his Father, or like a Beggar-Woman, endorst with her whole Litter, and with Child behind. You may take him for Anti-Christopher with the Devil at his Back. I believe the Atlas in Wadham-Garden at Oxford was carv'd by him. Certainly he was begot in a Cupping-Glass: His Mother longed for Pumpions, or went to see some Camel shown while she was conceiving him. One would think a Mole has crept into his Carcase before 'tis layd in the Church-Yard, and Rooted in it, or that an Earthquake had disorder'd the Symmetry of the Microcosm, sunk one Mountain and put [Page 123] up another. And now I should descend lower, if I durst venture: But I'll not defile my Pen: My Ink is too cleanly for a farther Description. I must beg my Reader's Distance: as if I were going to Untruss. Should I mention what is beneath, the very Jakes would suffer by the Comparison, and 'twere enough to bring a Bog-house in Disgrace. Indeed he ought to have been drawn, like the good People on the Parliament-House, only from the Shoulders upwards. To me 'tis a greater Prodigy then himself, how his Soul has so long endured so nasty a Lodging. Were there such a thing as a Metempsychosis, how gladly would it exchange its Carcase for that of the worst and vilest Brute: I'm sufficiently perswaded against the whim of Praeexistence; for any thing that had [Page 124] the Pretense of Reason would never have entered such a Durance of Choice: Doubtless it must have been guilty of some unbeard of Sin, for which Heaven dooms it Penance in the present Body, and ordains it its first Hell here. And 'tis disputable which may prove the worst, for 't has suffered half an Eternity already. Men can hardly tell which of the two will out-live the other. By his Face you'd guess him one of the Patriarchs, and that he liv'd before the Flood: His Head looks as if't had worn out three or four Bodies, and were Legacied to him by his Great-Grand-father. His Age is out of Knowledg, I believe he was born before Registers were invented. He should have been a Ghost in Queen Mary's Days. I wonder Holingshead does not [Page 125] speak of him. Every Limb about him is Chronicle: Par and John of the Times were short-Livers to him. They say, he can remember when Pauls was Founded, and London-Bridge built. I my self have heard him tell all the Stories of York and Lancaster upon his own Knowledge. His very Cane and Spectacles are enough to set up an Antiquary. The first was the Walking-staff of Lanfranc Arch-bishop of Canterbury which is to he seen by-his Arms upon the Head of it: The t'other belong'd to the Chaplain of William the Conqueror; was of Norman make, and travell'd over with him. 'Tis strange the late Author of M. Fickle forgot to make his Sir Arthur Oldlove swear by them, the Oath had been of as good Antiquity as St. Austin's Night-Cap, or [Page 126] Mahomet's Threshold. I have often wonder'd he never set up for a Conjurer: His very Look would bring him in Vogue, draw Custom, and undo Lilly and Gadbury. You'd take him for the Ghost of Old Haly or Albumazar, or the Spirit Frier in the Fortune Book, his Head for the inchanted brazen one of Frier Bacon. 'Twould pose a good Physiognomist to give Names to the Lines in his Face. I've observ'd all the Figures and Diagrams in Agrippa and Ptolomy's Centiloquies there upon strict view. And t'other day a Linguist of my Acquaintance shew'd me all the Arabick Alphabet betwixt his Brow and Chin. Some have admired how he came to be admitted into Orders, since his very Face is against the Canon: I guess he pleaded the Qualicfiation of the Prophets [Page 127] of Old, to be withered, Toothless and deform'd. He can pretend to be an Elisha only by his Baldness. The Devils Oracles heretofore were utter'd from such a Mouth. 'Twas then the Candidates for the Tripus were fain to plead Wrinkles and Grey Hairs; a Splay Mouth, and a goggle Eye were the cheapest Simony, and the ugly and crippled were the only men of Preferment. And this leads me to consider him a little in the Pulpit. And there 'tis hard to distinguish whether that or his Skin be the coarser Wainscoat: He represents a Crackt Weather-Glass in a Frame. You'd take him by his Looks and Posture for Muggleton doing Pennance and paulted with rotten Eggs. Had his Hearers the trick of Writing short-Hand, I should fancy him an Offender [Page 128] upon a Sca [...]old, and them Penning his Confession. Not a fluxt Debauch in a sweating Tub makes worse Faces. He makes Doctrine as Folks do their Water in the Stone or Strangury. Balaams Ass was a better Divine, and had a better Delivery. The Thorn at Glastenbury had more Sence and Religion, and would make more Converts. He speaks not, but grunts, like one of the Gadaren Hogs after the Devils enter'd. When I came first to his Church and saw him perch'd on high against a Pillar, I took him by his gaping for some Juggler going to swallow Bibles aud Hour-Glasses. But I was soon convinc'd that other Feats were to be play'd, and on a sudden lost all my Sences in Noise. A Drunken Huntsman reeling in while he was at Prayer, [Page 129] ask'd if he were giving his Parishoners a Hollow: He has preached half his Parish deaf: His Din is beyond the Catadupi of Nile. All his Patrons Pigeons, are frighted from their Apartment, and he's generally believed the Occasion. He may be heard father then Sir Samuel Moorlands Flagelet. Nay one damn'd mad Rogue swore: Should he take a Text concerning the Resurrection, he might serve for the last Trumpet. And yet in one Respect he's fitted for the Function. His Countenance, if not Doctrine can scare men into Repentance, like an Apparition: Should he walk after he's dead, he would not be more dreadful, then now while he is alive.
A Maid meeting him in the Dark in a Church-Yard, was frighted into [Page 130] Phanaticism. [...] is in Bedlam upon the same Occasio [...] I dare not approach him without [...] Exorcism. In the Name, &c. is the fittest Salutation: Some have thought the Parsonage House haunted since he dwelt there. In York-shire ('tis reported) they make use of his Name instead of Raw-Head and Bloody-bones to fright Children. He is more terrible then those Phantoms Country Folks tell of by the Fire side, and pretend to have seen, with Leathern-wings, Cloven-feet, and Sawcer-eyes: If he go to Hell (as 'tis almost an Article of my Creed, he will) the Devils will quake for all their warm Dwelling, and crowd up into a Nook for fear of him.