CHAP. I.

HAving diligently perused what a prodigious account he gives of himself with [...]is own Hand-writing, I could [Page 76]not but stand astonished, that one so young, and a servant too, and who had so much business on Earth in his Masters service, should redeem so much time to make Religion his business, in serving his great Master Christ, and in securing Heaven for his Soul: Though it seems almost incredible, yet it is most certainly true, that he Mellowed much, and Ripened fast for Abrahams Bosom, as appears by the Sequel.

This Holy Young Man may be a very eminent Patern of Piety to Old as well as Young Men, in a fourfold respect (1.) for his Experiences, (2.) for his Exercises, (3.) for his Self-Examinations, and (4.) for his Excellent Characters and Eviden­ces of his Interest in a better World. All which I find very strenuously stated in his own Hand-writing, though in Characters, yet by the [Page 77]help of a Key is made both legible and intelligible, and now published for publick good.

I. For his Experiences, they fall under a twofold head, the former relates to his first Conversion, and the latter to his whole Conversation: His Conversion (I understand) was effectually wrought (notwithstand­ing his strict and Religious Educa­tion and former convictions hereaf­ter mentioned, &c.) by a Sermon preached from Matth. 5.25, 26. [A­gree with thy Adversary quickly while thou art in the way, &c.] About December the 8th. 1678. From whence He learned those blessed truths fol­lowing, and not only had them fix­ed upon his Heart, and sealed upon his Soul, but also I find his own Soul fixed (in wax) upon them, to express the great Veneration of them for their being so Ravishing and [Page 78]Refreshing (in the Hand of Christ) to his Spirit. The Great Truths that had an abiding work upon his heart when this Time of Love came upon him, were these;

I. That God and Man are at va­riance through sin, they are at a di­stance.

II. 'Tis mans wisdom to make his peace with God his Adversary.

III. This must be done quickly, while Man is in his way, before he be brought to the Judges House by death, &c.

IV. There is great danger in de­laying or deferring this agreement, but sinners should take up with God before it be too late, &c.

V. That God hath an Action of Debt, for which to arrest every sin­ner, &c.

VI. This Debt of sin is strangely circumstanced, (1.) 'tis an Heredi­tary, [Page 79](2) an Ʋniversal Debt; both every man is born in this Debt, and no man living is exempted from it. (3.) 'tis an increasing and a grow­ing debt, the longer it runs on in a mans life, &c. (4.) 'tis an infinite debt and therefore insoluble; it can­not be paid &c. no finite creature can ever pay this infinite debt, to the infinite Creator. Those blessed truths the Lord spake with a strong hand (as Isa. 8.11.) to this Young Mans heart, and made him consider,

First, That till this Agreement be made, my God is my Adversary, and I had better have all the World my Enemy, the Maker of the World, who, if a friend can make my Ene­mies Friends, &c.

Secondly, I cannot stand it out with the great God, who will burn up those bryars that set themselves against him, Isa. 27.4.

[Page 80]Thirdly, 'Tis no frivolous thing to be done or undone, but 'tis a mat­ter of great moment; Eternal weal and woe hangs upon it, &c.

Fourthly, I must agree, &c. because there is no other way in all the World to take up this prodigious debt but by agreement, &c.

Fifthly, It will not always be my priviledge to make an agreement; Time will not last always for taking up the Controversy, for when Death comes, then it is to late, &c.

Sixthly, If my cause come before the Righteous Judge, I am sure to be cast, because 'tis a bad cause, and that Judge will not be bribed with any thing in the day of Judgment.

Seventhly, It I be cast in my cause, I shall be delivered up by the Judge to Gods Gaoler and Executioner, to wit, the Devil.

Eightly, If I be Delivered over to [Page 81]Gods officer of Justice, he will cast me into Prison, that is, Dragg me into hell.

Ninthly, If once I be cast into the prison of Hell; there must I lye, till I have paid the uttermost Far­thing, which can never be done, I must be always paying the Debt, yet never have paid it.

By these Soul-awaking Considera­tions, the Lord help'd him (through his Grace) to conclude with him­self, That it was the highest Wis­dom in the World to agree quickly with God his Adversary (as he was a child of Wrath by nature, Eph. 2.3.) and it would be the most sublime Folly for him any longer to deferr it, &c.

Hereupon the Lord having thus opened his Eyes, touch'd his Heart and broke down windows into his Dark Soul, upon further inquiry he [Page 82]learned, that this vast debt he was owing to Divine Justice (no less than Ten thousand Talents, Mat. 18.24. which is no less than a Kings Ran­som) could never be compounded for: This just Judge will have either All or None, and till an Agreement be made, God is an angry Adversa­sary: And better I should anger all the Witches in the World, and all the Devils in Hell, than anger the great God, I must agree with Him.

Then the inquiry was made how this might be done?

The answer was, there is some­thing lays on Gods part, and some­thing on yours: That on Gods part is (1.) to find an Arbitrator or Days-Man one more than a man, for what could a meer man do with an angry God? (2.) God found a Ransom, a [Page 83] Surety to satisfy the debt with the Travel of his Soul. Job 33.24. Heb. 7.22. and Isa. 53.11. (3.) God makes the Sinners Heart wil­ [...]ing to accept of this way of Agree­ment. Phil 2.13. That which [...]ays on mans part is two fold, (1.) [...]o let go sin (not only in action but [...]n affection also) and (2.) to lay hold on Christ as one undone without Him: Thus came this blessed Soul to be broken off from the Wild Olive, Rom. 11.24. In his letting go and [...]aying down of sin, as the greatest evil, and by Grace became grafted [...]nto that Blessed and Bleeding Vine [...]he Lord Jesus, John 15.1, 2. who ever after his happy grafting time, became a fruit bearing branch, have­ [...]ng juice and nourishment admini­stred abundantly to him from the [...]ree of Life Jesus Christ, as the se­quel will manifest in almost unparal­ [...]eld instances.

[Page 84]Thus far in short, for his experi­ences in his first Conversion, now come we to treat more largely of his whole Conversation, some parts whereo [...] shall be reduced to the three follow­ing Heads, His Exercises: His Ex [...] ­minations of Himself, and his Evi­dences for Heaven which he attain [...] unto, &c.

CHAP. II.

NOW after his thorough a [...] sound Conversion follows [...] holy Conversation, which appear [...] to be much in Heaven by his conve [...] sing so much with God, and with [...] own heart, in his due preparatio [...] for, and true participation of th [...] greatest of ordinances, the Lords S [...] ­per, [Page 85]as is manifest by those experi­ences writ with his own hand upon that subject which with no small trouble yet with great delight are here transcribed.

Now that he was bred and made a new creature by his effectual calling he found and felt a necessity that he must also be fed, so asks councel a­bout the concern of his Soul, and learnt those Divine Lessons which He recorded.

As (1.) the Lords Supper is so called because our Lord ordained it at his last Supper instead of the Passover.

(2.) 'tis the duty of Beleivers to receive it, else they do slight his Love, and disobey his Command.

(3.) And to receive it often ac­cording to Christs command and the Apostles practice.

(4.) That being dull and doubt­ing under my Spiritual wants (saith [Page 86]he) I must give all dilligence topre­pare my Heart for so great a work: All are naturally unfit, God will come and veiw his guests, I have to do with the Son of God, &c.

(5.) This preparation must be made by a narrow search of my own Heart concerning my Sins, my wants and my Graces, and by fervent and solemn prayer.

(6.) The Graces I must go to God and get from him are, Know­ledge, Faith, Love, Repentance, and New Obedience.

(7.) I must have Knowledg, for without it the heart cannot be good, nor can I know my self nor discern the Lords Body: I must know how man was created, and how he fell and I in him, how we are recovered by Christ, how renewed after the image of God in knowledg, &c. till then my understanding is dark [Page 87]and ignorant, my conscience benum­med, my affections out of order and set upon wrong objects, my memo­ry brittle, my eyes full of adultry and my whole Frame out of Frame, the knowledg of those things will help to break my heart that such a filthy lump of Sin as I am, should see and feel the arms of Christ imbra­cing me.

(8.) I must have Faith whereby I may hartily receive him as my Lord and Redeemer, and rely upon him alone both for safety and salva­tion: Without faith 'tis not possible to please God, and I may not dis­please him at his own Table, when I go thither for the food of my Soul.

(9.) I must have repentance, be­cause I must judg my self, that I be not judged: I must both mourn for sin and turn from sin, when I come to the Lords Table, &c.

[Page 88](10.) I must have Love too, be­cause the Apostle saith [without Love all is nothing] 'tis uncomfortable to sit down at the table of an enemy (whom we love not, and who loves not us) but 'tis dreadfull and dan­gerous to sit down in our Enmi­ty.

(11.) I must have new Obedience also, else I come in my rebellion, and for Some Sinister end, not out of obe­dience. I must here renew my co­venant with God, and be as serious as if I were to dye: Both in begging to be rid of that Sin which most di­sturbs the peace of my Soul and to have that mercy which would do me most good in a Dying Hour, &c.

(12.) I must quicken and draw forth into act all these forenamed Habits of Grace when I come to the Lords Table, there meditating upon [Page 89]the great work of mans redemption, Gods severity against sin in the death of my Surety & Savior, the precious­ness of my Soul, that cost such a price and the priviledges purchased for me thereby, for which I must be thank­ful, &c.

Having thus solemnly prepared his Soul for this great and tremen­dous ordinance from July 22. 1681. to August the 7h. before he was yet twenty years old he sat down the first time upon that day at the Lords Table:—Upon this first Sacrament, he received August the seventh, thus he writes, Before I sat down, and at my first approach to the Table, some­thing of Fear and Trembling seized upon me, but soon after I had some Sweet Sights of my Dear Redeemer: I saw him by Faith, how he stood with his Arms wide open to receive me, and how he was Pierced, that [Page 90]the Blood came out of his Blessed and Bleeding Sides: I had then a clearer Sight of my God (through my Redeemer) and of his blessed Angels. This was ravishing, and Oh how refreshing; but could not get my heart Inflamed enough with Love to Christ. I laid open my Sins and beg'd the Pardon of them might be Sealed. I promised to live up to this Obligation, &c.

Concerning the Second Sacrament he Received Sept. 4. 1681. He gives this account. [I had not duely pre­pared my Heart for so great a work and Ordinanance, but blessed for ever, blessed be the Lord, who did not deal with me according to my unpre­paredness, which if he had done, I had not been here, but been banished from his presence, and so been under the Death of Deaths. But he was pleased to give me a Sight of himself [Page 91](which I esteem above life) and likewise a Sight of God and Christs conferring about mans Redemption. I saw the Lord (as it were) saying, Come ye Holy Angels, behold man is fallen, see if ye can find a way for his recovery, which they could not, but Christ took upon him mans salvation: And I saw my self (as it were) in Hell where I had for ever laid, but Christ came, and drew me out, then I embraced him as my Pro­phet, Priest and King, and became willing to forsake the World and all for Christ: O that I may do it more and more, and never have this frame worn off, but that while I am be­low with my Body, my Soul may be above with my God, &c.

The Third Sacrament was October 2d. 1681. on which he writes thus as the minister (in administring) was saying. So that you are unfeig­nedly [Page 92]willing to receive Christ, and whom nothing will satisfy but him, I bid come and welcome to take him, then were my thoughts fixed upon Christ, though they had been wan­dring two days before, and I had lost my beloved, yet nothing could give me peace till I here found Him, and Sweet communion with Him, where­in I heard him say to my Soul, thy sins (smal and great) are pardoned, and thy pardon is sealed; I saw (as it were) his precious blood spurting out of his sides into my heart. Oh my Soul ever for ever love this Love­ly Lord, admire and adore him who hath sealed thy pardon: Never sin more, but walk suitably to all this &c.

The Fourth Sacrament was No­vember 6. 1681 whereof he saith thus, I have longed for this ordi­nance, because I had more than or­dinary [Page 93]sins (such as pride that I had long groaned under) which made me long for the sprinkling of my Dear Redeemers blood to wash them away. I was also pestered with passion (as well as pride) with un­belief, with wandring thoughts and some times with Blasphemy (O cur­sed, cursed sin, and O wicked wick­ed heart, once to think whether God was or no, when thou hast had such clear evidences of a Diety) these were my five deadly odious sins, which I begg'd might be purged from me.

O that I may never see nor feel them more: At this Ordinance, I found relief, and feeling the Wine falling down lower and lower, I de­sired it might carry of all my filth, so as to leave none remaining, and there did I resolve (through grace) to leave those five sins, and never [Page 94]have any thing to do with them &c.

The Fifth Sacrament was December 4. 1681. wherein (saith he) I did again lay my sins before the Lord fearing their return upon me, did de­sire a meek and humble heart against my pride and passion; I did again re­sign my self to God, having broken Covenant with Him, and begging (with the Syrophaenician Woman) to touch the Hem of Christs gar­ments, that I might be cleansed from my issue of sin, but could not at that instant get so nigh him but after­wards had I a clear representation of Christs sufferings in the Garden where he bore the wrath of God, sweating drops of blood, through his cloths in a cold season, so that he came as from Bozra, with died gar­ments, then I saw the crown of thorns upon his head and his head [Page 95]beaten with the Soldiers iron-gloves which made the thorns wound his Holy Head in 72. places, so that the blood ran down upon his body, I saw also the heavy weight of the cross laid upon Him, and how he was spit upon, reviled and derided; this blessed sight prevented wan­dring thoughts, till the last prayer, though I did not deserve the least crumb of comfort for unpreparedness to so great a work, which, had God dealt out my desert, would have been no less than Hell, &c.

The Sixth Sacrament he did par­take of was January the first 1681/2. upon which he makes these remarks, I had been some days before more than ordinary in my preparation and prayer for a profitable receiving, and when I came to it, I was sore afraid that I should lay stress upon preparatory actings, therfore beg­ged [Page 96]I of God that he would not deal with me accordingly, I laboured to act my requisite graces.

As (1.) Repentance laying open before the Lord all my old year sins to that New-years day and laboured to mourn for them more than for­merly, especially for my deadly dead­ly sins, Spiritual pride, Passionateness, Wandring Thoughts in Holy Duties, unbeleif, worldliness &c. and I hope God gave there both pardon of them and power against them.

(2.) My thankfulness I actuated (as well as I could) for so rich a mer­cy, begging for it both hard and always.

(3.) My love, though I had much too little, experiencing the sweet Kisses of Christs mouth, and Embraces of his love, I saw Christ on the Cross Embracing me as vvell as I him, and saying to God [I have [Page 97]paid a Ransom for him, this man is he, &c.] This was so sweet, that I could embrace the stake or even go into hell, so I might thus enjoy him whom my Soul loved; and when I heard the Minister say, mourn for your sins that murdred your Lord, I answered within my self, How can the Children of the Bride mourn while the Bridegroom is with them? Twice did wandring thoughts offer themselves but were (by grace) suppressed at the first rising, having now obliged my understanding, will, memory, affections, consci­ence, yea all to attend Gods service: While thus fill'd with this enjoyment I longed to be in Heaven, and desi­red that welcom, welcom friend death that I might sing with the Ho­ly Saints and Angels Hallelujahs to to the Lord: then said I, O my Soul let nothing draw thy love from thy Lord: For the World, Friends, Relations, Pleasures, Profits, all things [Page 98]put together, can never give such joy to thee as thou hast found from lovely, lovely Jesus in this blessed ordinance, therefore lay not out thy love upon any thing besides Him, who hath done and is doing great things, yea and will do greater for thee. Such was my warming war­ming loves at this Supper.

The Seventh Sacrament was Fe­bruary the 3. 1681/2. Upon which he remarks thus, [when I found my heart not fully fixed by my New years Day Sacrament, but notwithstand­ing all my striving I was yet trou­bled with distraction in duty, I long­ed for this ordinance very much and thought it long till it came that ac­counts might be made even between God and my poor Soul. I was dull for 2. or 3. Duties before and could not get my heart raised, whereby I saw that I deserved nothing: though wan­dring thoughts pressed upon me, yet were they cut short 2 or 3 times, [Page 99]& I found relief from those sins I had laid open before the Lord in the fore­going Sacrament. I bewailed my breaking covenant, my distraction, my deadness and coldness in duty, &c. And at this Sacrament my Dear Redeemer met me & said to me I have pardoned those thy sins at thy request, this much affected and in­livened me in love to him, seeing him then as (it were) coming from Heaven to the Earth, and from Earth to the Cross (shedding his pre­cious blood for me) and from the Cross into Glory; and (methought) Christ said to me, go sin these your sins no more, which obliged me to a close walking and to be more watchful than before; all this month the Lord kept me from pride, but alas my other sins returned to foil me.

The Eighth Sacrament was March 5. 1681/2. Upon this he saith thus: I had more than ordinary commu­nion [Page 100]with God before it, and have not had a sweeter season for a long time, which made me long till it came; in this ordinance, I saw my dear Redeemer (as it were) dead with a company of Holy Angels hol­ding of Him and a great darkness over all the place, this was grief to my Soul, but presently he that was dead I saw him alive again and com­ming into the midst of us to see what we came for, I went to him and told him (methought) that my Soul loved him, and I was come to meet him for strength against corrup­tion, and by his help I could forsake the world and sin (which I hated) to enjoy him, &c. then he told me, my pride should not prevail against me this month, nor my other sins but by own neglect. This was sweet and refreshing to my Soul, and this was the occasion of the Devils great rage against me (as appears by my Diary March 14.) yet could [Page 101]he not prevail, but Christ kept his promise in keeping me from pride, &c.

Oh what cause have I to love the Lord Jesus, whom I saw here again coming from Heaven to Earth, to the Cross to the Grave and to Hea­ven again, and all this to save my Soul, here sin was made more odious Christ more dear, and here I renew­ed my Covenant with God, &c.

The Ninth Sacrament was April the 2d. 1682. upon which he says thus, Some Time before this I was in a dull frame by the hurries of our Trade, at this time (as may be seen by my diary) little life could I find till the noon before that day, then had I the presence of my Dear Lord in a lively manner and measure, after this wandring thoughts dulness and coldness (unsuitable to so sweet a supper) seized upon me, but by running over again the same circum­stances of my Saviours sufferings, espe­cially his Agony in the Garden and all [Page 102]for such a wretch as me, I found relief, got hatred of my sins, begged pardon of them: And not only so but got power against them; yet wandring thoughts 4 or 5 times did trouble me, but by Christs strengthening me I overcame them, and hoped to have my pardon sealed; and to have power for the fu­ture for watching better against them and against my deadness and breaking my Covenant, &c. which made me long to quit the World whereupon it was ans­wered me, I should shortly be freed from all sin, yet in this Sacrament I had the least communion with God than in any before but still much more, infinitely more than I deserved, who (sure I am) deserves not the least mercy.

The Tenth Sacrament was May 7. 1682. upon which he writes thus, I had not longing desires after this Blessed Ordinance, having lost much of my life I had in duty before through much hurries of our worldly affairs: This morning I wrestled [Page 103]with God, but had not the light of his countenance which made me think of not going, yet considering that was not the way to be better I ventured, but found no life at first, yet a little after I felt some reaching after my Dear Redemer, this made me resolve to walk more closely for the future, after this it pleased God to come in (out of his free love) and to give me a clear sight of my sweet Saviours going to his Cross, and I fol­lowing him and laying my self down at his feet, when I could do nothing; Then had I plain visions of my love­ly Lords ascensions and his Angels looking upon him, whereat I found much goings out of my Soul, after him, yet wandring thoughts did trouble me for I had not brought my breaking Covenant, my Dulness and Deadness before the Lord, so as to be deeply humbled for them.

The Eleventh Sacrament was June 4, 1682. Ʋpon which he He remarks, [Page 104]thus, I having no time, was very bad in my preparations for this blessed Sacrament, so doubted whether I should go to it, but fearing it might be the last I should injoy in peace I then went, yet it prov'd the worst I ever yet had, I hardly felt any movings of affections only a little mourning for my breach of Covenant, my coldness and deadness, &c. Had a little sight of my Dearest Redeemer, but O my misery for not keeping my in­gagement made in the foregoing Ordi­nance: whereby I feared the Holy Spi­rit was greived and sinned away, O sad sad, lamentable, deplorable was my state when I had sinned my God from me: My condition was wretched now and without more care it may yet be much worse.

The Twelfth Sacrament was on July 2d. 1682. whereupon he notes thus, I was but little in preparation in order to my participation of this Holy Ordi­nance, yet much more than on the last; on Fryday morning before I had much [Page 105]of Gods presence, but because I had not taken a Catalogue of my sins, and had broke my vows with God, 'tis just with him to hide his face from me, and O my deadly sin got again too much ad­vantage against me, yet praised be the free Grace of my God, I had his presence in this Ordinance, and saw my Dear Redeemer going along bearing his heavy Cross, and his suffering thereupon and when his side was pierced, (me­thought) I stood under, and his precious blood did drop down upon me; but still I was too little grieved for sin, and had 3. times wandrings which (through Grace) passed away, as the Wine went down I desired my sins might be purged away and renewed my resolve of walking better, both before and in this Sacra­ment, designing to shelter my Soul in the holes of his blessed Side (that was [...]ierced) as the Dove doth in the holes of the Rock.

The Thirteenth Sacrament was August 6. 1682. On which he records [Page 106]thus: The hurries of the World had made menegligent before it, yet did I try my self by my catalogue of sins drawn up in Fe­bruary before, such as pride (whereof I had a great deal) breach of Cove­nant (whereof I was greatly guilty) Wandrings, Dullness in Duty, &c. and then another great one the neglect of self tryal after my vows & renewed Covenant to do it, after Sacraments, wherein I had found much sweetness: I could not still call my self to a strict account, nor actuate my repentance as becomes a worthy receiver though my sins were many and great: At my first sit­ting down, I had but little sense of sin, but after God showed me something of himself, then had I some sorrow of Soul and something of my dear Lord, but once God seemed to come out in fury towards me, yet (methought) I saw my Dear Redeemer stop it: Here again I lay under the Cross to be washed from my sins and did see (as before) Christ coming from Heaven to Earth, to hi [...] [Page 107]Cross and to his Grave and from thence into Glory, this I viewed with a little (oh too little) life, then the Devil tempted me to make no new engagement of reformation, but the Lord helped me, and I harkned not to the Tempter. About 4. times wandrings came, but (through grace) they continued not, yet had I smal actings of love and out­goings of Soul after my God and my Dear Redeemer.

The Fourteenth Sacrament was September 3. 1682. On which he observes thus, I had but little of God, some time before this till Saturday night. Though I had been much in preparation, yet my God came not in till then, and indeed I saw much sin in my best services, so begged God would not deal with me as I deserved, which would have been hell and destruction: But comming to partake I had great hopes of his presence, so soon as I had pleaded with God my last years ingage­ment, then found I some revivings, [Page 108]and hearing the two great points of the Co­venant (that God would be our God, & we should be his people) opened, then did I resign up my self to God with a more than ordinary resignation. My end in coming to this Ordinance was to ge [...] the partition wall (betwixt me & my God) cast down which I hope was attained, my Pride and other sins were pardoned, pro­vided I did not run into them again; I clove close to Christ and would not let him go without his blessing, which my dear Redeemer gave me, though Sa­tan presented many things to prevent me thereof: The Lord said here to me I will he thy God, and my Soul said, I do ingage to he one of thy People, leav­ing all that comes in competition with my sweet Saviour, &c.

The Fifteenth Sacrament was Oc­tober 5. 1682. he begins thus, Blessing, Praise, and Honour be as­cribed unto my God, and Redeemer, who hath neither forgotten nor forsaken me, though I did deserve it and Gods [Page 109]wrath too, for my manifold sins, where­of murmuring in some measure (I am afraid) is one, & seeking praise among men is another: Though sense of sin had too little been upon my heart this last month, yet now was it more than usual, but less than my sins required, I pleaded with God that he commanded me to believe, to this I had great comfort returned and after much strugling the Lord assured me my sins were pardoned; then had I such representations of my Redeemer as I had oft before, when Gods justice impleaded me for my sins, my sweet Saviour did then answer, I have dyed and satisfied for him, at this the Devil envyed, telling me all this was but a fable, and would have diver­ted me but (by grace) I overcame him: O how am I obliged to love God who hath given me smiles when I deserved nothing but frowns, shall not I be more careful to please him, and more fearful to offend him (He ends as he began) Bles­sing, Praise, and Honour, be to my [Page 110]God and my Redeemer for ever, &c.

The Sixteenth Sacrament was No­vember 5. 1682. on which he said thus, I have broke my covenant with God for the last month, by falling in­to these sins I ingaged and resolved against before, dulness in duty and distraction returned upon me having not striven so much against them as I should, and having little communion with God my deadly sin prevailed, where­fore nothing but fearful looking for of judgment was before me, being remiss in my preparations yet God dealt not with me according to my deserts, for then had I been set up as a monument of Divine Displeasure among men: But before I sat down I strove to raise my repentance, yet could not mourn as my case required. I pleaded Gods promise, that his Son was sent to save such as I am, &c. I ran over Christs sufferings in my mind particularly, and seated my Soul at the feet of my bleeding Saviour on the Cross that his precious [Page 111]blood might cleanse away all my loads of sins, I did justify God in all his dealing with me, and his withdraw­ments from me, then did I receive Christ as my King, resolving to forsake all for him and to follow him through all: some wandrings troubled me in Christs Wine-cellar but were soon cut off, &c.

As to the Sacrament in December, he acknowledges his Omission of it, by his own Negligence and Folly.

The Seventeenth Sacrament was on January 7. 1681/3. where he writes thus; I did endeavour to prepare (yet but a­little, for this great Ordinance and could not for a long time get my affecti­ons inflamed (as formerly) with love to the Lord Jesus, however I cast my sins at his feet, to be washed away that the difference might be taken up and God might reconciled to my poor Soul again, which (blessed be the Lord) was hopefully accomplished: I did bewail my fearfull breaking covenant, the return [Page 112]of my multitude of sins, especially my deadly sin pride: I again viewed over distinctly the sufferings of Christ, how he was scourged, &c. and all for poor me, this set me upon mourning, but I could not shed tears, yet complained of the hardness of my heart; and begg'd that Christs Precious Blood might both soften and cleanse it, then (me thought) I saw Christ upon the Cross stooping to me and giving me his hand, when he saw I could not get up my heart to him: Hereupon I clasped about my Dear Re­deemer who had reconciled God to me, then I resolved (in his strength) never to fin in the like manner any more, and was angry with my self for dealing so unkindly with so kind a Father, who had rather a sinner should repent than dye, God was loving to me who could, look for nothing but fury in the highest measure for my back-slidings; my heart would have wandred but (by Gods good­ness) those wandrings were taken short: I here solemnly engaged to walk more [Page 113]closely with God for the future all my says, which if I did not, O how great will be my sin, how vast will be my un­worthiness, beyond what my Tongue can express.]

Upon the whole, As our Lord said of the Good Centurion [I have not found so great faith no not in all Israel.] so [...]m I like to say of this gracious Young-Man, I have not found such savoury Soul-experiences on record [...]o not in all England.

This will further more fully appear by the sequel in his Exercises, Self Examinations and Evidences.

CHAP. III.

AFter his Experiences, come in the second place his Exercises which are twofold, first concerning [...]iety, secondly concerning impiety, [Page 114]both before his effectual vocation and after it: Those before he took with his own hand these memorials following.

(1.) About the year 1671. hav­ing read Jehosephats life, I was a little startled, and grew melancholick, that was the first time I had a mind to pray, and desired another to joyn with me in it, but he told me that he could not pray without help of some form; no more (I said) can I, but used a form in a spelling book, which I prayed often but very negligently, then going to Epson, where I had a good master who prayed morning and evening with his family and religiously instructed us, which did bring me to pray without a form, yet could not d [...] it with seriousness, tho' I was exhort­ed to it both by my master and by [...] minister that came oft thither. [...] this place I began to be willing to hea [...] the Word, though I little minde [...] [Page 115]what I heard, till I read the Pilgrims Progress, which made me again grow melancholick (the former being worn off) to the observation of others; then the good providence of God brought to my hands Mr. Baxters Call to the unconverted, which (through grace,) shewed me the necessity of my conversion; yet all this time never consulted with any man about my sins, but only con­fessed them to God, till I met with Mr. Hookers Soul preparation for Christ, which convinced me to advise with some Godly minister, hereupon I did address to one though a strang­er to him, saying, Sir, I cannot, I dare not any longer refrain, having ask'd my self what fitness I had to dye, was answered, I was unfit till I had eas'd my heart to you, as follow­eth

(1.) When I was 7. years old, I tore my Bible, and cast away my Catechism.

[Page 116](2.) I have broke the Sabbath, by rambling abroad, playing at far­things with naughty boys and wash­ing my self in the fields when I should have been at the Church, &c.

(3.) By excusing my sins with a lye, so added one sin to another, for covering it.

(4.) Nor have I been free from Youthful Lusts, which young Timo­thy was bid to flee, but my corrupt Heart hath had workings after the Act, several times, yet hath been wonderfully prevented by the advice of my Godly Sister, who laid before me Christs words, Mat. 5.28. who­ever looks on a woman to lust after her, &c. however, I am guilty of Heart-Adultry. yea,

(5.) I have, erred and laughed when I have heard the word preach­ed with power, &c. Hereupon the Good Minister gave me grave coun­cil and comfort suitable to my peni­tent [Page 117]case and condition, yet notwith­staning all this, I was not effectually called, nor througly converted, and made a new creature, until after­wards I heard that Sermon upon Mat. 5.25, 26. as the account a­bove mentioned specifieth.

But alas in my Apprentiship through the hurries of the World in our way of trading (especially in May and June, &c.) I became neg­ligent of my close walking with God, not minding (as I might) to conti­nue in his love, when God (my ad­versary) was reconciled to me; I neglected Dayly, Self-examination, or did it only to halfe part, being dull and sleepy through weariness with worldly work at night then my old corruptions got head again up­on me, I broke my Covenant made at the agreement with my adversary and I Apostatized from these sweet thoughts I formerly had upon my God and Dear Redeemer, for which [Page 118](had he not been gracious) I had been damned and rotting in Hell for ever. This consideration made me exclaim against my self saying, O silly Soul to heed a perishing dying world before Heaven, such sadness and dark­ness seized on me at this time (when the things of the world, I found had been the substance of my thoughts and discourse) that I knew not what to do, nor whither to go, at last I turned to the Lord and begged of him that he would not take the for­feiture, nor suffer me to run this rea­dy way to utter destruction.

I cryed Lord, 'tis just with thee to hurle mein to hell and into the hottest place thereof, and never wait long­er upon such a cumber-ground as I am: but to thee my Dear Redeemer do I run for refuge, as one that am hungry and hardly bestead, poor, blind, naked, wretched and misera­ble, a loathsom wretch, unworthy to be called a servant, much less a [Page 119]Son, having so wickedly departed from my God, yet through thee will I venter again to my God, and by thy strength I will better mind my future walkings: O my dearest Redee­mer I die without thee, O come in once again and let me feel once more what it is to have Christ dwelling in my Soul! O find a time of love wherein to disperse those dark clouds and shine upon my Dead and Darkned Soul! O hath my night no day, 'tis an hell to me to be thrust away from God, I know the cause is all at home, my sin, my sin, O let it be done a­way, then should I recover the light of thy countenance as formerly, and in so doing I do ingage to amend my manners (depending on thy help) my hand is witness, John Draper. now to bind his Soul and Slippery heart to God the better in observing this new ingagement, he wrote down many profitable rules in his pocket book.

[Page 120]As (1.) In a day of humiliation I must lay all my sins before the Lord and resolve to forsake them.

(2.) I must look upon my sin of Passion as a feaver in my mind, of Lust, as fire in my bones, of Pride as a fatal tympany in my Soul, of covetousness as an insatiable and unsufferable thirst, and the sin of Envy or Malice as rank poyson in the heart.

(3.) If I would run so as to ob­tain I must cast off all those weights or sins that do so easily beset me.

(4.) I must resolve to begin be­times the running of this race.

(5.) Nor must I loyter in the way.

(6.) Nor must I cumber my self with the needless incumbrances of the World.

(7.) I must look to every part of my way with equal care and obser­vation.

(8.) Nor must I ever think I [Page 121]have gone far enough till I have obtained the prize.

(9.) And the further I have run in this race, the more eager should be to obtain the end.

(10.) I must alway think that I am upon the brink of eternity, and therefore should give all diligence to make my calling and election sure, working out my Salvation and making sure work for a better world, before I go hence to be seen no more.

(11.) I must ever come to God as to a Soul-pittying, a Sin-pardo­ning, and a Prayer-hearing God.

(12.) I must be fervent in pray­er, yet submit to Gods Soveraign­ [...]y.

(13.) Occasions of being too [...]ong alone, are to be avoided, so [...]s Strong Drink, and too full a Dyet.

(14.) I must be thinking oft Death Judgment, Hell and Hea­ [...]en, those four last things

[Page 122](15.) I must not stretch my Christian liberty too far, for he that dare go so far as he thinks he may, goes sometime farther than he should, &c.

(16.) I must bridle my Tongue and not be too apt to speak of things whereof I am not certain: And much more to the same purpose both for particular and general instruction too long to insert here.

This Holy Young-Man put down in his pocket book also, how he had been Exercised with Temptations to Sin, as to Theft, Adultry, Playing at Cards, and prophaning the Sab­bath, &c. as also with tryals to prevent temptations, instancing that in a lash upon his eye with a Coach-whip, whereby the Lord hea­led him of hie lustful Eye which had been too ful of Adultry, 2. Pet. 2.14.

CHAP. IV.

NOw come we to the Third Head, his Examinations of himself in the workings of his heart relating to his Communion with God, It was not enough to this good Soul to examine himself only when he was approach­ing to the Lords Table, on the Lords Day (as is before specified) but he look'd upon it as his duty to do it every day, (both every Sabbath-day when there was no Sacrament, and every week day also) making it his continual daily task, as appears by his most Dilligent and Divine Diary. This necessary, but much neglected work of self-tryal (I find) he began at the spring-time Aequinoctial upon the 10. of March 1681‥ O Holy and Happy Soul that had now his [Page 124]hard frozen heart thus kindly thaw­ed by a look of love from the Son of Righteousness, as Peters was by a Look from his Lord, Luke 22.61, 62 Hereby the Lord helped him to say with the Bridegroom in the Song. [The winter is past the rain is over and gone, The Flowers appear on the Earth, &c.] Cant. 2.10, 11, 12, 13.1 most blessed spring of Grace (better than that of Grass) was now upon him, though I cannot give so distinct an account of his Diary as I would because 'twas writ in obscure Cha­racters only with a black pencil (intended it seems solely for hi [...] own private use) yet with the be [...] key we could get it hath been ope­ned, that such precious treasur [...] should not be lost, but communica­ted for the common good.

I begin here from the Manuscrip [...] both as to the matter and as to the time as I can judge, upon what Sabbat [...] Day I heard a Sermon upon Peter [Page 125]going out and weeping bitterly af­ter Christ had looked upon him. Saith he, I went to prayer that night and begged of God to give me Peters Repentanoe, and in the earnest­ness of Spirit I fell flat upon the ground, before the Lord to begg it, Then I laid long till I had some com­fort from my God, yet remained I dull and muddy till wednesday night, and then had I some communion with my God again, even a new tast of his first goodness and comfort in prayer. On Thursday night did I meet him whom my Soul loveth again, which I found very useful to me, finding by woful experience that without Christs strengthening me, I could do nothing spiritually, nor before the Sabbath ensuing nor in it, had I the sweet communion with God I used to have before, but on Munday night I met my God having a pretty deal of time that evening, for Tuesday morning was [Page 126]not so good, nor could I raise my heart at night till it was very late, and then had I my former sweetness, but much more upon wednesday: the same I found upon the Sabbath following, and on Munday night and on the next night also, though ever­dul at the first yet inlarg'd after upon wednesday night I pray'd twice suc­cessively and found more than ordina­ry incomes: On Thursday again I had inlargements but at the close the Devil made me drowsy to cut short my duty, &c. but on Friday my heart was kept better raised: On Satur­day I begged of God to direct me how I might meet the blessing of the next Sabbath, which (through grace) I met with on that day, yet was troubled with wandrings in my evening duty: On Munday the pre­sence of God was with me and made my duty sweet at night: On Tues­day I met with a precious opportuni­ty for my Souls good: On Wednesday [Page 127]I did not so well, which made me chide my Soul for no better requi­ting the Lords kindness On Thur­sday morning I had Gods presence & the same at night though troubled with wandrings: On Friday I had many outward mercyes, yet could improve aright neither Gods word of Grace nor his works of Mercy, On Saturday (having spare time from business) I sought the Lord thrice for a larger sight of the light of his Countenance when the Sab­bath came, the Lord gave me an An­swer of Peace, &c.

Thus might a large account of this gracious Young-Mans Self-Tryal and watchings over his own ways from Month to Month, all along but because to do so distinctly from day to day would fill a volume, I must therefore wave it, and that not out of Judgment only, but out of necessi­ty also, seeing the key that opened his Charactars, could not reach [Page 128]them all, neither in point of time, nor in point of matter, the judicious Reader may easily imagine that this defect will lame us in this work, yet though it cost me unspeakable trouble and pains, I shall follow my thread in this labyrinth.

I have already given an exact ac­count how he examined himself up­on every monthly Sacrament, from August 7. 1681. to Jan. 7. 1681/3. which was the last he did partake of, for not long after his Dear Re­deemer (whom he had so oft admi­red and embraced in the Lords Sup­per upon Earth) called him home to Sup and Feast with him in Heaven.

As to his Self-Tryal at all other times between every one of those Seventeen Sacraments, I shall pro­ceed to relate, so far as my key will carry me.

The best computation I can make out of the many manuscripts consis­ting of above thirty sheets which [Page 129]I have to abridge and methodize, drawn out of his Diary, Pocket-book and Almanack, &c. He renews his self-examining work again, upon March 17. 1681/2. being Fryday: how he spent all the time from the last March to this, save only relating to the Sacraments, we must be content to want it, for want of better helps, but upon that day he hath left upon record, he had wandring thoughts in duty, did little for the good of others, my sins (saith he) lay but light, I mourned not for the sins of the land, I looked not into my own heart, nor was I concern'd in holy ejaculations: The same he saith of himself in spending the 18 and March the 19. being the Sabbath, he re­marks the same omissions, and not having a frame Suitable to the Day, yea in night-duty pestered with wandrings: on March, 20. I arose from Table without drooping, be­ing full glad to meet God there. [Page 130] March 21. had the former omis­sion and Heaven little in my sight, 22d. day could not mourn for the sins of the land: and the same frame was upon me, the 23. and 24. nor could I do better or look into my heart the 25 of March 1682. nor the six following Dayes of that month could he shake of those omissions, April the first he brands himself with the same neglects: the second day he adds to those neglects, that wandring thoughts had eaten up the life of his duty, on the third the same complaint, on the fourth mis­sed vain thoughts in a good measure, yet only through the strenght o [...] Christ, but on fifth he adds, God our of sight & Heaven out of mind, on the sixth he makes the same moan, of se­venth, my own sins and the sins of the land lay too light upon my heart, &c. eight, the same and that he had done nothing extraordinary for the Church in herday of distress. ninth [Page 131]the same yet had some good thoughts but troubled with wandrings, tenth the same and so the eleventh. adding, I have been this day tempted to pride; so the twelfth, thirteenth and four­teenth, are filled with the like com­plaints, and fifteenth he adds I have been spending this noon much too vainly, the sixteenth (being the Sabbath) he blessed God that dis­traction had not dulled him in duty; 17th. had like to have fallen into pas­sion but God disappointed it, yet not much in Holy Ejaculations, &c. eighteenth, not up early had my for­mer omissions and commissions, the ninteenth, twentyeth and twenty first, yea to the end of April, he ar­raigns himself as guilty of all those aforesaid Crimes, then May 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Complains of all those evils, adding that hurreys of his trade at this time did provoke him more to passion, but sometime God helped him to subdue it, &c. [Page 132]the 7. being Sabbath Day, sin set too light, did not mourn for the sins of the land, not enough in holy eja­culations, nor in looking into my own heart, nor seriously minding the Word of God, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13. the same, little life, much dull­ness, being wearyed with the hur­ries of the World, 14, frothy dis­course with some delight, O sin sin lay too light both mine own and the lands sin, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19. the same Complaint, 20. neglecting to read Gods Word, 21, 22, 23. so on to the end of May, he cryes out I have done nothing for my self nor the Church, I have not been my self, hardly knowing what I did through the hurryes of the World, O the World, the World is a sa [...] impediment to my Soul, God hath not been in my mind, Heaven out of my sight, I have not mourned for my own sins, nor those of the land nor had holy ejaculations, &c. thus [Page 133]he saith particularly upon every day, adding thus I conti­nued till the fourth of June being always wearyed with work and unfit for any good, O it hath been a sad time for my Soul, thus likewise I neglected till the 17 of June, on which I renewed my covenant with God, yet 18, 19. the same neglects prevailed, only on the 20. I had some holy Ejaculations, but 21, 22. the same and 23. I prayed not over the Sermon as I should have done and omitted all as before, 24 still pestred with former neglects, O sad, sad that I should be thus carryed under Grace, thus he moans on 25, 26. and so on to the end of June, on eve­ry day I have done little for the Church, or for my Soul, have not read Gods word, sin sits too light, not mourn'd for my own sin nor for the sins of the land, Heaven hath been out of sight and God out of mind, too little have I been in holy ejaculations, [Page 134]with wandrings not oft looking into my own heart, &c.

July 1682. from 1 to 10. he com­plains particularly upon each Day in the same word's [too much wan­drings in Holy Duties, too little sense of sin upon my heart, I have not mourned enough for my own sins nor for the sins of the Land, not much in ejaculations, Heaven too much out of sight, &c.] sometimes adding [I neglected reading Gods Word, have done little for Gods Church have not minded my Soul nor Gods praise, &c.]

Then concludes, these ten days with this divine rapture. [O this deadly thing sin hath not duely affec­ted my heart, into what a sad state is my Soul fallen, O my God, I beseech thee leave me not.] This same complaint concerning those several omissions he carryeth on against himself quite through July, to the last day. August 1682. He makes [Page 135]the same moans of the same neglects all along the month upon the head of every day of the four weeks dis­tinctly, yet sometimes adding, God helped me on the 2 of August against my deadly sin on the 6 day (being the Sabbath) I was less troubled with wandrings than I was the day after, on the 8 day I arose from Supper with­out dropping any savory word at the Table, on the 11. God kept me much from my sin this day: On the 13. I had much of God in my night prayer, though the Devil told me I had not begged Gods presence, My dear Lord helped me to repulse him with ease: On the 16 out of order all the day, but at night God shone upon my Soul more than a long time before: but lost all the two following days, being hurryed with casting up our shop, going backward not forward: On 19. I felt my dead­ly sin crawl apace towards my heart, which put me upon examination, [Page 136]the 20. day, and found it not in vain to cast my burden upon the Lord, for I had thereby relief against my Pride &c. for which I have cryed mightily to the Lord my God after which I had sweet communion with God, then the Tempter strong­ly tempted me to neglect hearing and reading the Word, but putting up an ejaculation, I had strength to overcome him again: after hearing a Sermon I went down into the Cel­lar to pray, where the Devil would affright me that something would appear, which (through the help of my Dear Redeemer) I stoutly resisted and bid Satan defiance, then he objected against me my deadly sin which I could not but own, yet could he not make me think so long upon it as to distract me in duty, which was the Devils design, but Osubtil Serpent my Lords goodness strengthned me to triumph over thee, and I had a comfortable [Page 137]season: upon the 21 of August 1682. all my old neglects prevailed, and wandrings in my night prayer, but God heard my ejaculation, I got up early in the morning (which sweet way I had much neglected through weariness with worldly work) to pray, wherein I found much of God, O my Soul love that lovely lovely, one thy Lord, who hath heard thee hath done, is doing great things for thee, and will do greater: On the 26. I neglected reading the Word, been too much about Worldly affairs which took me off from God, and I lost my time in Duty, nor could I get up my thoughts to my God in my hurryes, yet on the Saturday following I recovered a blessed frame, O my Soul love and praise the Lord for ever.

September the 2. I was at a fast for the fire of London, where I was not free of my aforesaid omissions, yet waiting there all the day, at length [Page 138]had the sweet presence of God: On the 4. I had Heaven in my sight and but little troubled with wan­drings, yet too little looked I into my own heart; I sat up late for Duty and God made it sweet to me On the seventh he makes his old moan against himself saying, I feat my own self righteousness, the 10. God discovered my deadly sin which caused his withdrawment from me; and that wishing to die to avoid misery by God withdrawings, is but a pang of passion, The 15. old wandrings, &c. returned, I think my murmuring was the cause: I first read, Isa. 65.22, 23, 24. from whence upon my ejaculation God spake comfort to me, so had after delight in duty. The 19, God dis­covered another sin (my seeking the praises of men) that darkned his face from me. The 23. but lit­tle sensible how I had grieved away Gods good Spirit in morning pray­er. [Page 139]The 25. had little sense of Gods putting a vail over his Face toward me, which I bewailed little, the other days of this month I neglected (being out of town) to take an ac­count of, only in the general, I ob­served that my deadly sin prevailed most, while my Soul is most clou­ded.

October the 1st. my old Distractions. Disturbed me running from the Cel­lar up to the closet, and from thence to the cellar again yet had (through Grace) a little of Gods presence: The 2d. I was too rash in speaking a thing that was not so: The 3. I was unwilling to pray in the Cellar at night, yet made willing to go, I. found much of the presence of him who had thus inclined me; The 4. I spoke not of God in company of others.

Yet with another Companion my God helped me to savoury Discourse [Page 140]in prayer but then to Epsom, til the 14 day I was under dreadful desertions which made me cry out woe is me, I have sinned away my God, by my minding the World too much and my God too little, and by relying too much on my own strength: on the 14. he renews his old complaints [Heaven out of sight not mourned for the sins of the land nor my own, &c.] Adding rose from Table without any thing of God there: On the 15 not so much trou­bled as before with wandrings, yet sin set too light, &c. the 16. and 17. the same, The 18. and 19. bad, the 20. not so bad, had at night God presence and some sence of sin, which made me burst out crying, how have I been hopping from Mountain to hill through Simplicity, forgetting my right resting place, O that those lost minutes and hours, had been spent in the sweetest converse with my Dear Redeemer, but now (from [Page 141]this time) the Lord grant great Reformation in John Draper. The 23. of October 1682. (he saith) I have strove this day to get to God, but could not, fasted and three times prayed, still the face of God was hid from me. The 24. still under Gods withdrawings, so on 25, 26, and 28, no better with me on the 29, 30, and 31, but wandrings in duty, no right mourning for sin, dull dead and thoughts mostly taken up with the World, very little of God in all that I do, so that I knew not what to do.

November the 1 could not gain Gods presence, 2. the same, but not so bad in duty, 3, and 4. as bad, O sad, sad, sad, but on 6. had much of Gods presence, 8, 9, bad again, so 10. and 11. still dull and cold, so 12. and 13. and endways in a sad condition.

December. having been long out of town, half of the foregoing month [Page 142]till the fourth of this month and lived as without God, my mind taken up with the World; no longings after Gods presence 'twas a good provi­dence, I saw their worship at Wind­sor which did more establish me.

This month the Lord taught me the deformity of all sublunary things without God, now I see my folly, and oh that it may not be too late! I could weep night and day, for my great loss of God; I am so perplex'd that I scarce know what to do with my self, &c.

January 5. 1682. I was taken ve­ry Ill, so that those about me, thought I was a dying, but God raised me up again, Oh that it might be to dye to Sin and and live to God.

The 7th. (which was his seven­teenth and last Sacrament-Day) makes his former moans about wan­drings, &c. Adding, I laid in Bed too long, when I should have been upon my knees, yet had more Evi­dences [Page 143]that day than for along time before, after this, was taken with a Dizziness in my head, like to fall down stairs, about 8. had a great pain in my side and my fit came about ten, then from day to day, lay long in bed, had little of God sometimes forgot how it was with me; not minding my inward man enough, by distempers of my outward On the 22. I considered what I should do if God call me to sufferings and thought Gods hand was not shortned to strengthen me as he had done all the martyrs. On 25 my cough and pain in my left side grew upon me so unfitted me for Duty yet on 30. I prayed, and had a clear sight of God and of my Christ, my Dear Redeemer, Blessed, for ever blessed be his holy name.

Least any ponderous passage (out of his Diary) that might be profi­table to posterity should be omitted which (through the broken account [Page 144]I have of his manuscripts) cannot easily be avoided, I shall reduce the most remarkable of them to those Remarks, or Heads following.

The First Remark is, this gracious Young-Mans Diary doth plainly pro­claim, that God made him live at the sign of the Chequer, his life this last Year was strangely chequered with the Black of Misery, and with the White of Mercy, he was got into Canaan, a land of hills and valleys, now up and now down: One while mourning for Gods Absence: and another while magnifying him for his presence, &c.

The Second Remark, however God withdrew from him on the Week-day, yet did he mostly en­joy lest or more of God on the Sabbath as well as Sacrament Days, this I find in his own record, which was to beare up his head above water in his Conflicts.

The Third Remark is, he observes [Page 145]Gods tenderness towards him in ne­ver withdrawing too long from him, for though he found himself dull and dead in duty in the morning of the Sabbath, yet found he life and warmth at evening, &c.

Fourthly, When he was comman­ded to stay at home for keeping the house and shop (upon the Sabbath) from Sermon (he saith) God made that time of privacy a most sweet time to him: When God denyes means, He supplies means.

Fifthly, He Remarks, how oft he was interrupted in his private duties, being called off from them as he was a servant to his Master, which the Envious one might have an hand in, as prayer is a charm and torment to him, when God is present, &c.

Sixthly, He notes that the low Cellar was his oratory or place of private prayer, where he spent many hours, without either fire or candle, [Page 146]in the night, and once had the door broke open to fetch some candles while he was in his Devotion, &c.

Seventhly, He observeth Gods dea­lings with his Soul from one Sabbath to another, and from one week day to another taking notice of all his omissions of good, and of all his commissions of evil, from Munday Morning to Saturday Night.

Eightly, This was not only his practice every Week, from the begin­ning to the end of the Year (as is above mentioned) but also every Day how it was with his Soul God ward Morning, Noon and Night, and what discourse at meat time also.

Ninthly, So strict was his Scruti­ny and Self-Tryal, that he set down once the thoughts of having a God Ring, and another time thoughts o [...] getting some books, the Tempte [...] made use of to justle out his thought of God, &c.

Tenthly. So observant was he [...] [Page 147]all the workings of his own heart that he sets down how that when, he was praying once in the dark Cellar without any light, the Tempter possessed him with fears that some­thing would appear to affright him, but God graciously stepped in, and said to him, fear not thou Son of Abraham, &c. Gen. 15.1.

Eleventhly, He records the very Days, wherein he missed his taking an account of his own daily task of self examination, and when he omit­ted the scattering of some savory discourse becoming table-talk, at meat-times.

Twelfthly, He computes the very times.

First. When mourning for sin was made sweet to his Soul.

Second. When he enjoyed Gods presence in prayer both by himself and with others.

Third. How often God came to him when disturbed in Duty, or [Page 148]disappointed of it, being constrained thereby sometimes to pour out his heart to God in the shop by day, and upon his bed by Night, in both which places he had sweet warmings of Spirit.

Fourthly. How oft he made resig­nation of his Soul to God (which was very frequent) as also how oft he renewed his Covenant with God especially upon Sacrament Days which are the most Material Re­marks (whereof I would not omit one out of choice) I could collect out of the many sheets I had to per­use in my oft reading them over.

And had not the same matter (so oft upon distinct occasion re­peated) been reduced by this method to those few several Heads this tract might have swollen into a volume.

CHAP. V.

THE last subject of this Dis­course, is twofold.

First. The Evidences He had for Heaven.

Second. The Characters that were given him by gracious and judici­ous witnessings of others: As to the First, I find several Evidences (writ with his own hand) and which gave sweet encouragement to his Soul, that he was a chosen vessel of mercy, and one to be filled as with Grace Here, so with Glory Hereafter.

First. I know my Repentance (saith he) because my sense under sin, as a burden, is heavier to my Soul, than all my afflictions are to my Body, I am ashamed of my se­cret [Page 150]sins (which no man seeth or knoweth) before the Lord who seeth and knoweth them and all other things, and I desire to leave my darling sin, and to leave all love to it, yea to loath it through my love I bear to my Lord and Dear Redeemer, whom I account dearer to me than any sin, yea than all the World, &c.

Secondly. I know (saith he) that to have true faith, by Christ is more precious to me than all things in the World, I am willing to receive him into my heart as my Lord and King to Rule me, and my Faith works by Love so that I am grieved for his absence, and rejoyce at his presence, and I am willing to part with all for him, that he may be my all, and in all.

Thirdly. I find a delight to do Gods Will, sometimes in praying to him, sometimes in praising of him, sometimes in hearing from him, and [Page 151]sometimes in meditating upon him, and upon that Work of mans Re­demption.

Fourthly. I feel my heart mourn­ing most for that sin, which most disturbeth my peace, and most sepa­rateth betwixt God and my Soul, and longing most for that mercy, that will do me most good in a dying hour, to wit not general, but speci­al mercy, even mercy in Christ.

Fifthly. I can say that I love the Lord, for I hate that which grieves him, and that because it grieves him; and I love those that are most like him, yea the places and duties wherein I have found the Lord warming my heart, and cannot be content without him in any.

Sixthly. I can say I have a prin­ciple of life spiritual, for I find hun­grings and thirstings after an enjoy­ment of Christ, and find my Soul grieved, when he is dishonoured, either by my self or by others, and [Page 152]I love, long, and look for his last appearing and coming.

Seventhly. I highly value the Gos­pel, that Word of Christ and Truth which bringeth good tidings, even Reconciliation and the Dispensation of the Grace of God which hath been hid some Thousand of Years, and now is forfeited, yet graciously conti­nued to us, though withdrawn from many Nations, I am thankful for it, labour to live like it, and to adorn it with my life daily.

Eightly. I know that matters are agreed with God (so that he is now no adversary) because I find an oneness with him, (1.) In mind, which is made correspondent with the mind of God by this agreement; I can think the reproaches of Christ to be greater riches than the Treasures of Aegrpt, Heb. 11.26. (2.) One­ness of Will, I can say (whether for life or Death) the will of the Lord be done, Acts. 21.14. Though there [Page 153]hath been much ado to bring my will into an agreement with God; and when I find not sometimes an actual agreement, yet have I always an habitual agreement of my will with the will of God, (3.) Oneness of Affection, I love what God loves, and hate what God hates, Psal. 119.70. Jer. 44.4. I hate sin which God hates, so I love holiness which God loves, (4.) Oneness of way: Can two walk together unless they be agreed? Amos 3.3. Psal. 119.30. and 25▪ 5. and Isa. 56.4, 5. (5.) Oneness of interest, Gods Interest is mine and my interest is Gods: I can say (in the Witnessings of the Holy Ghost, Rom. 9.1.) that there is this five­fold Oneness betwixt God and me, so are agreed.

The Ninth Evidence for his Inte­rest in Heaven was, his Holy Jealousy over his own heart in all his holy undertakings, ever fearing that some by respect and not Gods glory was the [Page 154]motive that led him to holy duties, this he oft prayed against, and parti­cularly cautions a gracious Young-Man (with whom he had agreed to carry on a Christian Correspon­dency, either in absence by Letter, or in presence by Conference) that herein they did not bring hurt instead of good to themselves, by seeking our selves, and not him whose we are, &c. [We are not our own but Christs who pay'd dear for us, far more than we are worth, and we have covenanted to glorify him, not our selves, &c.] this Holy Jealousy, is a blessed frame of Spirit.

Tenthly. His prizing an Union, and Communion with God, above the Confluence of all worldly com­forts. This point he (in another letter to the Young-Man aforesaid when in the Country by sickness) much insists upon, saying, while we enjoy Gods presence, we have the Hidden Manna, and that joy which [Page 155]strangers (to God) intermeddle not not with, all is nothing and worse than nothing without it, 'tis Heaven upon Earth, and 'tis Heaven in the way to Heaven, thus David reckon'd One Day with God better than a thou­sand without him, &c.

Eleventhly, O What carefulness, do I find in all his Manuscripts as well as in his letters expressed to keep his accounts even betwixt God and his Soul, that right reckoning might keep them long friends in his Stew­ardship, which he desired (himself and others) may give up with joy.

Twelfthly. His desire to be dissol­ved and to be with Christ, this he repeats often in all his papers ear­nestly longing to be out of this totte­ring tabernacle and to be clothed upon with immortality and Glory, which desire of his, God speedily granted, finding him fully ripe for Heaven, before he was at age of 21. to lay claim to his portion here upon Earth.

CHAP. VI.

AFter these solid Soul-searching Evidences, which he found in himself, do follow the many fair Characters, that his intimate friends (yet without flattery) give of him recorded by others: The First Cha­racter, was from a gracious Young-Man, (his Alter Ego) who writeth thus.

I was well acquainted with Mr. John Draper for some Years, and the more I knew him, the more I admired him as one of the choicest Saints that ever I knew or ever ex­pect to know while I live: Among many other excellencyes I took no­tice of him for these following.

First. For his Solemn and Fre­quent Dedications of himself to God, [Page 157]this he did from the purest flames of Divine Love, and from a clear visi­on of the Beauty of holiness, &c.

Secondly. For his frequent and silent Elevations of heart Heaven­ward, evidenced by the often lifting of his eyes upward, conjoyned with the sweet smiles of his Countenance, when he thought none observed it, &c.

Thirdly. For his constant Retire­ments to hold communion with his God, which was so sweet and satis­factory to him that he would sit up therein till one or two in the mor­ning, as his own manuscripts mani­fest, &c.

Fourthly, For his daily and dili­gent examination of himself by Mr. Allens and by Pythogera's Rules, taking special notice what mercyes he daily received, what were his omissions of good, and commissions of evil that his present Days practice might amend the foregoing days [Page 158]error, &c. Hereby he ascended to be eminent, &c.

Fifthly. For his Victory over temp­tations, wherewith (though so strict and one of the highest form in Christ's School) He was greatly exercised: I well know it cost him much pains to conquer his constituti­on-sin which through the Majesty of God upon him (as he used to say) he prevailed over, and his other sins at their first rising, &c.

Sixthly. For his Admirable morti­fication, The Pleasures, Treasures, and Honours of the World were as Dung and Dross to him, using all creature-comforts in a mortified manner, so that it was hard for his friends to draw him to any diversions his weaned Soul disliked unnecessa­ry visits, &c.

Seventhly. For his delight in Holy Duties, O what time he spent in prayers and praises, he was unweari­ed, in those Heavenly repasts and [Page 159]Angelical imploys never contented with doing duty, till he found his God in Duty, and if diverted by busi­ness at any time from Duty, he was restless till he could come at it, and if he met not God therein (which was but seldom) he found the more of Gods presence afterward in the next, &c.

Eighthly. For his Choice of, and Carriage among his Companions: As he was very careful with whom he did associate, so his Speech was very savoury, among his associates. O the many gracious discourses, I have heard from his mouth, as once he said this to my self, [Let us be burn­ing lights in the midst of a perverse generation] and in all companies he would be very attentive to any good discourse, and retain for practice what he judged fit, and his speech was a powerful charm to others ever improving his Lords talent, &c.

[Page 160] Ninthly. For his Holy Zeal, ear­nestly solliciting his associates ever­more to stedfastness in the Good old way (as he used to call it) having fervent love to Gods image where ever he saw it among differing per­swasions.

Tenthly. For his great patience and Resignation in his last sickness, where­of I was an eye-witness and heard him say, that all this visitation was to bring him nearer God, and that divine love sweetned all his pains and bodily decays: Never did I hear God more thanked by any Man for the highest confluence of pleasing providences, than was by him for his affliction; nay never did he mag­nify God more in his health, than now in his sickness: To conclude, He was such a careful Redeemer of precious time, that he did not only not do nothing, but also not do little, so that his diligence in Holy Duties was a presage of his speedy transla­tion [Page 161]into a better World, his hasty dispatch of his Heavenly Work could not long want its reward.

The Second Character I find of him was from another associate and fa­miliar of his, who gives this descrip­tion of him.

First. His natural temper was so sweet, and his carriage so amica­ble, as if nature had opened her Treasure to adorn him.

Secondly. Though this be all that some attain to, yet could not he be satisfyed with this as his portion, nor with his descent of Godly Good Pa­rents, but he begged to be Heaven­born and to be eminent for Holiness, seeing inestimable beauty in the ways of God.

Thirdly. I have admired to see him keep daily a sensible commu­nion with God in the midst of his Worldly affairs, being careful that all his actings had a tendency to Gods Honour.

[Page 162] Fourthly. When he heard vain discourse from others, he would drive them out of it, and perswade them to a love to the best things, if he could not prevail, he would leave them.

Fifthly. When in company with those from whom he expected bet­ter discourse, he was in pain while he met with it, telling them, should all our discourses be regis­tered, O how should we be ashamed, &c. hereby he shamed them out of impertinencies, while he would spirituallize temporal objects.

Sixthly, He was one that set an high value upon the ordinances of God, and was careful how he did approach to them, especially the Lords Supper, Conferring with o­thers for fitting himself and them for it, and every Sabbath He used to run over the Heads of Sermons (he heard) with me, &c.

Seventhly. He was much affected [Page 163]that his sickness detained him from hearing, so that though his Physi­tian perswaded him to keep in, yet would he venture, saying, he got no harm thereby.

Eigthly. He had an high estima­tion on the light of Gods Coun­tenance, and if at any time he apprehended frowns He would give no sleep to his eyes, &c. though he sat till midnight till he recovered the smiles of Gods face again, daily casting up his accounts with God.

Ninthly. He said to me, when I see Work-men tremble when they come to cast up their accounts for fear they are not right, I think how Sinners will tremble at the great day of Account.

Tenthly. He meditated much on Redemption, and crying O Eternity, Eternity, &c. Arise ye dead and come to judgment, still sounded in his ears, &c.

Which made him keep a Diary [Page 164]to observe how grace increased and sin decreased, &c.

Lastly. In a Word I want expres­sions, and am ashamed I have learnt no more from so eminent a Patern of Piety through hopes of enjoying him longer and oftner. This made me neglect observing and remem­bring many sweet expressions, which now I wish I had not done, &c.

The Third and most Perfect Cha­racter, I have from his own Gracious Sister, who writes thus of him.

My Dear Brother Mr. John Draper, was born March, 26.1663. of Godly Parents though he was much berea­ved of the benefit of their Education of him, they dying before he was 12. Years old, yet had they done their duty for him till then putting up many earnest prayers to God in his behalf, which the Lord graciously answered in taking care of the fa­therless after: in the Year 1675. he was put to a School-Master who [Page 165]was as careful for his Soul as for his Body, &c. In the Year 1678. He be­came an apprentice, where he ser­ved his Master faithfully, being effectually called in the first Year of his time, and then reflecting upon himself for his former mispending of time, and neglecting seasons of grace: He now begins to make a better improvement of the Assemblies Catechism, which he had got by heart before he was 11. Year old, at home, and the Sermons he had writ abroad at School, now became he more sweet to us all, I never saw him out of an Heavenly frame, but if he was not hearing something of God, he would be speaking some­thing from God, if at any time we desi­red him to stay with us, he would ans­wer my time is not my own, I must not neglect my Masters business, much less Gods, to whom I must give an account of all my Thoutghs, Words and deeds, I have much [Page 166]Work to do and but little time to do it in, this should aw our hearts from sin and make us earnest for pardoning & preventing mercy: O what need we have to stir up one another in ways of Godliness, for Heart-work is hard work, and we love the World more than God, He would oft bewail with tears to behold how the Youth generally prophaned the name of God and were unwearied in doing the Devils drudgery, whereas we (call'd Christians) are soon weary with doing our Masters will, whose Yoke is easy and his Burden light, ad­ding, 'tis free grace that makes the difference betwixt us and those Vain Youths. He expressed his fear of setting up for himself often, observing how many were Zealous while Ap­prentices, yet declined when became Masters, who being asked why they had lost their first love, answered it was for want of time, to which he replyed it was more for want of [Page 167] love than of time, this he feared might be his own case if God pre­vented it not. Being asked if he were willing to suffer for God, he answered, if God call me to it he will quallifie me for it, but he thought God would not put that honour upon him: The time that others take for recreation, he spent in holy Duties, and the money others spend idelly he laid out either profitably or charitably. His sickness began Jan. 23. 1682. which he bore with wonderful patience all along.

Ever desiring God would com­pleat his work in and upon him, O how would he bless God that it fared well with his Soul, how ever it fared with his Body, and that God was never wanting to us, when we are not wanting to our selves, though some blamed him for being too bookish during his weakness, he answered, should reading impair my health, I am sure it refreshes my [Page 168]Soul, and I wish you all to prize Communion with God, and to make your peace with God before the night come, had I now that work to do, I might expect frowns where (through my Dear Redemer) I have smiles upon me, which I cannot ex­press.

When in the greatest extremity, He would say, what is all this, to that which Christ suffered for me, crying out, O the gentleness of God to me compared with Crhists sorrows calling to hear the 14, 15, 16, and 17. Chapters of John, read to him when weakest he would lay smiling with his eyes and his hands lift up to Heaven, and a few days before he dyed he said thus to me, Sister I know you wish me well, I cannot be well here, therefore be willing to let me go, 'tis not long since God made you willing to leave me in a troublesome World, and now will not you be willing to give me up to [Page 169] God: if a tast of Heaven be so sweet here, what is the full injoyment, let me go first, 'tis but a little time and we shall meet again, &c. I have forborn to mention my death (to the loss of my self and others) because your spirit cannot bear it, O how am I comforted in the stock of prayers going for me, when I cannot now pray for my self, especi­ally that Christ is interceding for me in Heaven: After this his speech was scarce intelligible, yet under­stood he said, [Lord thou knowest what I have done, and what I have left undone,] oft over, and all night spake with such earnestness as thinking he was understood, the next morning friends perswaded me to withdraw as being no more use­ful to him, but hurtfull to my self, and if he became more sensible it would grieve him to see me grieve, But after some hours absence, return­ing to him, he took me by the hand [Page 170]to comfort me saying, with Arms spread, my God hath chained up Satan, which was an answer to that very request, put up for him a little before. Thus when death (That King of terrours, and terrour of Kings) was unstung, he submitted to its stroke and changed his life for a better. Aug. 3. 1682.

He appointed the Text for his fu­neral Sermon to be Gen. 47.9. (as is related before) in the time of his Health, yet finding the sentence of Death upon himself, &c.

He was born 1663. began his last sickness on Jan. 23. and dyed when August was but 3. days old.

Thus

[Page 171]The Next Character is that of a Minister who writes thus to him in his last sickness, &c.

Shall I be sorry to hear of your sickness? I am, as it is an evil to Nature, but I rejoyce in hope that it will increase your Grace, not doubting but to such a serious Chris­tian and Religious person as you have been, this Affliction will be the taking away of sin, and this rod (with Aarons) will blossom with the Peaceable fruits of Righteousness, your great knowledge in the mystery of Salvation, and eminent proficiency in the School of Christ may well put a Supersedeas to any instructions from me, yet give me leave as a faithful Monitor to mind you of your duty of Patience, that you may be as eminent in that Grace in the time of your sickness, as you were in other Graces in the time of your health. I know 'tis impossible for Nature to endure (without murmuring) the [Page 172]loss of such a mercy as health, but Grace can weigh these Considerations.

First. Consider who is the Author of your affliction, it springs not out of die dust, nor comes by chance, but 'tis my Fathers hand that ap­points the time, place, measure, and manner, so must not murmur.

Second. Consider, though you be a Son of God, yet your sin has deser­ved Hell, and thither had you been cast, had not your Dear Redeemer dyed for you: But seeing you are Delivered from wrath to come, and this is all your Hell you are like to have, to wit, this present chastise­ment, therefore you may not mur­mur, &c.

Third. Consider God never Afflicts willingly, but when need is, and for gracious ends, to subdue sin and to strengthen Grace, to wean from the World, and to make Heaven more desirable, &c. (his bowels still year­ning while his rod is on our backs) [Page 173]if this be so, should you not be pa­tient.

Fourth. Meditate much on the joys of Heaven, and the happy rest there prepared for you, which transcends our apprehensions while we taber­nacle in houses of clay. O the Rivers of pleasure, the Mansions of bliss, the Regions of happiness, the Crowns of life, the scepters of pow­er, the Robes of Glory, and the thrones of honour, that are there prepared for the Lambs followers, no sinning is there to provoke God, no suffering to molest us, no weeping eyes, sighing breasts, or complain­ing tongues are found there. No crying there [O my Head! my Head, and O my bowels be pained, &c.] But all rest in the arms of love, and in the Bosom of Christ. O happy Souls that are now got thither, and since you will shortly be there, should you not be submissive to and rejoyce in the will of God: That he [Page 174]give you both an Happy and a Com­fortable departure out of time into eternity is the prayer of, &c.

The last Character is that of mine own from my own personal knowledg of him, which, though it was not so much as was that of many others who were more conversant with him, yet was enough to give me a prospect of his (almost) unparallel'd piety: I never conversed with a more mortifyed Young-Man from youthful vanitys, so serious in his deportments, so savoury in his dis­courses with so grave an aspect, and and so composed a countenance, as I seldom law in this our English Isra­el. He had so faithfully followed these following rules.

First. Let not God find me in my bed when he looks for me on my knees.

Second. Nor wandring thoughts eat out the life of my Duty.

Third. Nor be slight in reading [Page 175] Gods Word, or hearing it preached, which I should digest in my heart, and repeat in my life.

Fourth. I must redeem time.

Fifth. Deny my self.

Sixth. Do more than others.

Seventh. Be careful of my compa­ny.

Eighth. Leave the Savour of Grace behind me in all companies.

Ninth. Be Holy in all my relations as a servant, &c.

Tenth. No sin must sit light.

Eleventh. Nor may I live in that which I know or fear to be a sin.

Twelfth. 'Tis my duty to mourn for sin, my own and others.

Thirteenth. To be much in Holy Ejaculations, having God oft in my mind, and Heaven oft in my sight.

Fourteenth. To be oft looking into my own heart.

Fifteenth. To resist the first ri­sings of sin.

Sixteenth. To bridle my tongue.

[Page 176] Seventeenth. To feed in Gods fear at my meal times.

Eighteenth. To do all my secular and sacred affairs for Gods glory, the good of others as well as my self, &c. That he familliarizing his Soul with these and the like helps, and duely and daily weighing himself in the ballance of the Sanctuary, soon became a None such, in Christian attainments, so that the way of this Godly-wise Young-Man was above (as Prov. 15.24.) Raising the feet of his Soul to walk in a higher Region and above the heads of most other young-men: Sure I am his Conversa­sion was in Heaven (as Phil. 3.20.) while his commoration was on Earth. the Rabbins say, that Cain's sin was not dividing aright for God, for which fault (they suppose) God brought that brand (of going about eversighing and trembling, &c. but I may without vanity affirm, that if any young man learned to divide [Page 167]aright betwixt his General and parti­cular calling, this Holy Young-man did, who seldom (or never) would suffer them to justle out one the other. As he would not give his Masters-time to Gods worship, so nor Gods time to his Masters service: I wish all apprentices would learn to write after so fair a copy, and to dress themselves by so lovely a look­ing-glass, I know also how the Spi­rit of God rested upon him in most eminent actings and emanations, and I stand admiring, not only at his most Evangelical Experiences, Exercises, Examinations, and Evi­dences above mentioned, but also at his most sensible and savoury letters not only writ with his own Mortal hand, but with a most Gracious Heart. In one of which I find how he obliged his Correspondent (a Godly Young man) to Holiness with these arguments.

First. We have covenanted not [Page 178]to allow our selves in any known sin but to use all means for the death and destruction thereof.

Second. To forsake all that is dear to us in this world, rather than forsake God and his Gospel.

Third. To watch over our own hearts against the temptations both of prosperity and adversity least we be drawn from God.

Fourth. To take the Laws of God for the rule of our thoughts, words and actions, squaring our whole life thereby.

Fifth. To neglect nothing we know to be our duty.

Sixth. To resign up our selves to God and avouch him for our Lord.

Seventh. To own Jehovah as our portion, promising to serve him all our days.

Eight. To improve Christ as he is the new and living way for access to the Father.

[Page 179] Ninth. To be marryed to Christ, accepting him for our Head and Hus­band in all states and times taking our lot as it falls, though sufferings and death do accrue, we must re­nounce our own will and wisdom, &c.

In another I find the Saints pedi­gree.

First. What Christ is to us? He is Our Lord, 1. Cor. 1, 2. Our Friend, Cant. 5.16. Our flesh and blood, Heb. 2.14. Our Brother, Ver. 17. Our Father, Isa. 63.16. Our Husband Rom. 7.4. what we are to Christ? His Servants Rom. 6.22. His Friends, John. 15.14. His Kinsmen, Mark 3.21.35. His Brethren, John 7.3. His Sons. Gal. 3.26. His Spouse, Sister, Love and Dove, Cant. 4.9. The Church is one Vine, John 15. 1. One Seed, Gal. 3.16. One Temple, Eph. 2.16. One Body, Rom. 12.5. One Spirit, 1. Cor. 6.16. and one Christ, 1. Cor. [Page 170]12.12. and upon the survey of this Pedigree, he Cryeth out, Lord what is man thou art thus mindful of him, making him (in some respects) Higher than Angels, Thou hast crowned him with Glory and Ho­nour, &c. Psal. 8.

In another letter to his elder Sister (writ about three a clock in the morning) he gives an high encomi­um of Godliness (to strengthen her in love to the good ways of God) saying, 'tis the great work we have to mind in this lower World, there­fore need we to meet helps to for­ward one another therein, 'tis not a small thing, or a by-business to be forgotten, &c. 'tis the best riches that cannot be taken from us, as there are all good things in it, so there is no danger to loose it, yet find I a proneness to be triffling and tampe­ring with transitory vanities, while the true riches are neglected, O this Heart-work is Hard-work, and the [Page 171]way to Heaven is up the hill, but our Captain (if we follow him close) will make it easy, helping us to hold on and to hold out to the end not only as living but also as lively Christians, not loitering in the way of sin, but lustily running our race, seating our selves under Gods eye: All lower persons and things be chan­geable, Relations may be our friends to Day and they may be dead to morrow, or they may live, yet their love may die, and our delights to day may be our sorrow and our horror to morrow, &c. but still in Godliness we have an unchangable God, our thoughts of this must be bellows to blow up the flame of our desires, and the spur to our dull affections.

In another Letter to his younger Sister (which came also to my hand) O what a travelling spirit was upon him, that Christ may beformed in her, saying to her.

[Page 182]My hearts desire and prayer [...] that you may be saved, con [...]der your sad estate by nature, you are a slave of Satan, a stranger to God, and if you dye in that estate you are undone for ever. O that you may see in this your day the things that belong to your everlasting peace, least they be for ever hid from your eyes. For judgment will certainly find you, where death doth leave you, if you die in an unregenerate slate, you will be banished from the presence of God, and an eternity of horror and terrour is to be endu­red, &c. But if you make your calling and election sure, then may you expect, nay you will have everlasting bliss. O think much on these things you have now time to make your peace, put it not off (if you love your Soul) no not till to morrow (as too many young persons do thinking it soon enough yet and yet) but know, you may be dead before [Page 183]the morrow, pray therefore for con­ve [...]ing Grace and for power to cast off sin, especially that which lays nearest your heart, for if the heart-sin be loved better than Christ 'twill undo you for ever, let but your Lord have your chiefest love and you will soon find more pleasure in ways of holiness than in all the ways of sin.

In another letter to his kinswo­man, I find him very warm in his exhortations, saying.

Now is the time of stirring up one another to prepare for approaching evils, seeing the Cloud thickens and looks black over our head, we have need to have our rock ready to fly to and to have our evidences for Heaven cleared, to have our loins girt and our lamps burning, and to sit loose from those lower things that seem now to be leaving us, O that sweet word Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to us, for the end [Page 174]of this dispensation is to drive u [...] further off from sin and nearer God. And O sweet word, In the world ye shall have tribulation, but in Christ peace, who would not travel through a world of trouble, to find that peace in Christ.

This kinswoman was so touched with his lines, that she cast in this character of him after his death, say­ing, God took him from me, be­cause I was unworthy of him, he told me, 'twas better to want time than to want an heart for doing good, he cryed oft (hearing the clock strike) O Time, Time, I am so much nearer eternity, and O the Love of Christ that purchased an eternity of weal for me, is there any Love like Christs, &c.

In another I find these short rules (comprized in Verse) very useful to him when time would not permit him to make any use of larger helps.

Or Thus.

This Distich (as his who sent him them intimates) comprehends all our thoughts words and deeds, and by pondering and improving them duely [Page 186]and daily, they both reaped great [...] nifit, &c.

In another I find that the method of correspodency betwixt his Friend (a gracious young man) and himself was carryed on by a communication of Experiences or prac­tical and profitable discourses upon the joys of Heaven, the love of God in Christ, the second coming of our Lord, the evil of sin, &c. As to the first of those points, (the joys of Heaven) their intercourse maketh this mention.

The Glory (which we ought to have our Faith fixed on for our com­fort) is called in Scripture compari­sons: A Crown of life, of Righteous­ness, and of Glory, an incorruptible inheritance, a rest for the People of God, the recompence of reward, an House not made with hands, an excel­lent place which the eye hath not seen, &c. The City of the Living God, the Heavenly Jerusalem, the Holy king­dom, [Page 187]the Blessed hope and end of our holy race, the City whose builder and maker is God, the house not made with hands, the heavenly Country, the strait Gate, &c. The contemplation of all these divne comparisons afforded strong consolation to Both their Souls, &c.

No less comfortable was their in­terchange of communion about the other point of Christs second coming, which is likewise called in Scripture a Day of consolation, and of corronati­on, an harvest day a marriage day, and a day of admiration, wherein Christ will be admired of all his Saints at his Glorious appearance, though now we be dispised by the world as our dear Redeemer (him­self was) yet, this is our joy our redemption day draweth nigh, &c.

In another letter he hath this pas­sage (I suppose) to some Minister, saying, Sir, though I be a stranger to [Page 178]you, yet cannot, nay dare not ho [...] any longer from speaking to you; for asking my own heart whether I were fit to dye it was answered that could not be till accounts were clea­red (concerning the sins I groan­ed under) between God and my Soul, about this Sir, my present address is for your profitable ad­vice: Therefore I beseech you search me throughly to the very inwards of my heart, &c.

Many more such savoury lines (all seasoned with the salt of sinceri­ty and sanctity, I might add out of several other of his Letters, which must be omitted to avoid prolix­ity.

To Conclude, upon the View of the whole, I must only add this though we have not his picture drawnin paint by some skilful limner for refreshing the memory of Rela­tions, [Page 179]and to prefix before this Book, yet it is limned to the life in black and white both by pri­vate Christians, and publick Mi­nisters: He was (without flatte­ry) a mirror of piety especially in making so strict a scrutiny over all his own steps, and taking so serious a prospect over all his own works both upon Sabbath days and upon every week-day between them, that He might keep his heart with all diligence, Prov. 4.23. O how exact was he in Self-Examination, as well in civil and secular, as in sacred affairs, I have been young, and now am old, yet never in all my acquaintance found I so much faithful Self-tryal which is indeed a most necessary, but alas a much neglected duty, and I am confident most Christi­ans are at a great lost in their in­ner man by the omission hereof, as to my own part, I am utterly [Page 190]ashamed to behold my self (now an old Minister of Forty Ye [...]rs standing in the Ministry) so far out stripped by so Young a Man (not attaining the third part of my age) and so private a Chris­tian as an Apprentice; would to God, we could all (young and old, Ministers and People) imi­tate this Pattern of piety, calling our faithless hearts to a faithfull account daily, and ever keeping upon our Watch-Tower, &c. This would be a blessed means to keep in the fear of God all the day, Prov. 23.17. to live much more in a little time, as he did from 1678. to 1683. to be neither ashamed to live, nor afraid to dye, like him, who lived his little short life with Christ in this lower world, and now reigneth with Christ in the upper and better world.