Greenwich-PARK: A COMEDY. ACTED AT THE Theatre-Royal, BY THEIR MAJESTIES SERVANTS.

Written by WILLIAM MOUNTFORT.

LONDON: Printed for J. Hindmarsh at the Golden-Ball in Cornhill, R. Bentley, in Russel-street in Covent-Garden, and A. Roper, at the Mitre in Fleet-street. And are to be sold by Randal Taylor, near Stationers-Hall. M DC XCI.

TO THE RIGHT HONOURABLE ALGERNOON Earl of ESSEX, Viscount Malden, Baron Capell of Hadham, and Lord Lieutenant of the County of Hartford.

My Lord,

THE General good Character the World gives of your Honour and Virtues, has embolden'd me to beg your Favourable Protection of this Comedy: And though it be a hard matter for so young a Pretender to escape the industrious Ill Nature and Malice of the Town, yet I shall have this satisfaction, that if they'll not allow me a Judge of Poetry, they must of Persons; and they cannot impartially disapprove of my choice in a Patron.

Indifferent Authors in most Ages have been incou­rag'd and preserv'd under the Clemency of the Nobi­lity, [Page] in hopes they might be better: But the severity of our Wits would have the first Plays which are now written, equal to the best of Ben Johnson, or Shakespear: And yet they do not shew that e­steem for their Works which they pretend to, or else are not so good Judges as they would be thought: When we can see the Town throng to a Farce, and Hamlet not bring Charges: But notwithstand­ing they will be Criticks, and will scarce give a man leave to mend; like the rigid Precepts and manner of the most Famous Master of Westminster: Who, though he has bred the greatest Men of Parts and Learning in this Age; yet I believe, if the Impati­ence and Spirit of his Knowledge could have sub­mitted to the slower Capacities of his Scholars, he might have made many more.

Poetry, I must confess, has ever been my Delight, as Honour and Goodness, your Lordships. And the▪ I can never expect to be as perfect in the first, as you are in the last; I am sure of two good supports from such Excellencies; and which your Lordship ne­ver omitted expressing to those who have seek'd your Protection.

Your early Gallantry for the Liberty and Wel­fare of your Country, in so needful a time (and where [Page] the small number of Volunteers magnifies your Lord­ships being one) proves the Spirit of your Predeces­sors is left behind 'em: And though this Nation has heartily mourned the loss of one of 'em; Yet the death of a good Subject, like that of a good King, is best dispens'd with by the Publick, when his Virtues shine in his Offspring.

I would avoid the Censure of Flattery, and of ty­ring your Lordship with the Commendations which you justly deserve: but perhaps may not desire. I have only this to say, that it is not to be doubted, but the Spirit which has inspir'd this Noble Underta­king of waiting on your Prince, will merit a Provi­dence to preserve your Person. And as you will be a Credit to his Camp, may you return to be an Or­namemt to his Court. And as you are the Pride of our present young Nobility, may you be a Pattern for the future. Then I shall wish for the fancy of Mr. Cowley, with the Judgment of Mr. Dryden, to express my Sence of your Worth: But in the mean time, I humbly entreat your Lordship would accept of the Hearty well Wishes, and perfect (though distant) Respect

Of Your Lordships most Humble, Obedient, and Devoted Servant, WILLIAM MOUNTFORT.

Dramatis Personae.

MEN.
  • SIr Thomas Reveller, an old wicked lewd Knight. Mr. Lee.
  • Both jolly Citizens, and Companions with Sir Thomas.
    • Mr. Raison a Grocer. Mr. Nokes.
    • Mr. Sasaphras, a Drugster. Mr. Vnderhill.
  • L. Worthy, a young Nobleman newly re­turn'd from Travel. Mr. Hodgson.
  • Y. Reveller, Son to Sir Thomas, a wild young Fellow, kept by Mrs. Raison, and Courts Florella for a Wife. Mr. Mountfort.
  • Sir William Thoughtless, a foolish Knight. Mr. Bowen.
  • A Beaux. Mr. Bowman.
  • Bully Bounce. Mr. Bright.
WOMEN.
  • Dorinda, a private Mistress, kept by my Lord Worthy, and in Love with Young Reveller. Mrs. Barry.
  • Daughters to my Lady Hazard. Florella in love with Y. Reveller. Violante with the L. Worthy.
    • Florella, Mrs. Mountfort.
    • Violante, Mrs. Lassels.
  • Mrs. Raison, in love with Y. Reveller. Mrs. Knight.
  • Lady Hazard. Mrs. Osborn.
  • Aunt to Dorinda. Mrs. Corey.
  • Constable, Watch, Masqueraders, &c.

SCENE GREENWICH.

Prologue.

WIth the sad prospect of a Long Vacation,
The Fear of War, and Danger of the Nation;
Hard we have toil'd this Winter for new Plays,
That we might live in these Tumultuous Days.
Sad Days for us, when War's lowd Trumpets sound,
Nothing but Beaux and Parsons will be found:
Look to't, you Men of Battel, of Renown,
They'll claw your Ladies off, when you are gone:
Servants for [...]ity. Your Beaux's of Sense:
Will's Coffee-House is the Office of Intelligence;
And for the Masks who hunt the smaller Fry,
Their Chocolet-House will their wants supply:
Our Play presents you with all sorts of Men,
From keeping Courtier, to the horn'd Citizen,
Whose handsome Wife brings in the constant Gain.
At Greenwich lies the Scene, where many a Lass
Has bin Green-Gown'd upon the tender Gross.
If Flamstead's Stars would make a true Report,
Our City Breed's much mended by the Court:
What Wagers about Mons were-lately laid?
Had all that Money to the King been paid,
It might have sav'd the Tax of each Man's head.
I heard a Shop-keeper not long since swear,
If England's old Militia had been there,
We had spoil'd the Monsieur's Projects for this Year.
Since they depend so on their own Commanders,
Why weren't the Royal Regiment sent for Flanders?
With English hearts of Oak, and Horns well steel'd,
To Butt the Puny Monsieur from the Field.
But those who threaten him so much, I fear,
Were they encampt where any Foe was near,
Wou'd wish themselves behind their Counters here.

Epilogue.

WEll, Sirs, is't Peace or War, that you declare?
I am ready arm'd, so is my Second here.
If you're displeas'd with what you've seen to Night;
Behind Southampton House we'll do you right,
Who is't dares draw 'gainst me and Mrs. Knight?
Be kind, Gallants, if you can mercy show,
Press not the Plant which of it self does how.
Ladies, your Goodness is our best support,
The Men must like the Play, if you are for't.
And sure the Vizards will not cry it down,
Since our Intrigues resemble still their own,
Here all your Coquet tricks to th' life are shown.
Will you take us to answer your desires?
We look like two kind keeping Country Squires.
You'll say we are Chits, too slight and little made,
You'l scarce find larger in this Age, I Gad.
For such a Pigmy-Race are now [...]me up;
They're but half sprouted, like a second Crop.
The Fathers Sins are in their Offspring shown,
And each now Puny Chit's an elder Son.
Nature disowns the slender half-got Race,
Every Lath-Carcass, with his small Pigs-face,
By Art endeavours Nature to out-do,
And since he can't pass for a Man,'s a Beaux.
If such as these your favour, Ladies, find,
To Knight and me, as Pages, pray be kind.

ACT I.

SCENE, A Grocer's Shop.

Enter Raison, his Wife and Servant.
Mrs. Rais.

ARE all my things carried to the Water-side, Sirrah?

Serv.

Yes, Madam, and the Gally with an Awning, is ready to carry your Ladyship to Greenwich.

Rais.

A Gally! why a Gally, Wife?

Mrs. Rais.

Because you won't allow me a Coach, Husband.

Rais.

And because I won't allow you a Coach with two Horses, you'll have a Boat with four Men?

Mrs. Rais.

Yes, a Barge with twelve, if I had my Will: Must I jolt about in a Hackney, or trapes a Foot like my Inferiour Neighbours? Since you'll make no distinction of me at Land, I'll make some my self by Water.

Rais.

I don't know what you would have; you go where you please, and come when you please; live how you please, and do what you please; have Mo­ney as you please, and yet I can never please you!

Mrs. Rais.

Therefore I'll have those that can.

Rais.

Yes, I suppose you have.

Mrs. Rais.

'Tis fit I should; did you not promise me when I marry'd you, I should keep my Coach, and live like what I was?

Rais.

A Beggar.

Mrs. Rais.

Did I marry you when I could have had—

Rais.

No body else!

Mrs. Rais.

The best of Quality; but that I credited your Protestations: Did you not swear, I should out-shine the best of all the City, and yet deny me a sneaking 100 l. a Year for a Coach, which almost every Tradesman keeps his Wife for a Twelve-month, tho he break at the Years end for't?

Rais.

They deserve it, when their Vanity exceeds their Ability: You took an Oath too, Wife, to Love, Honour, and Obey me; but you have taken your own Measures for all that; you have a Spirit that the Devil cannot Conquer, and a Desire that I cannot satisfie: You make me Ridiculous where ever you come, and seem as if you were asham'd of me.

Mrs. Rais.

Since you will not use those Methods to gain my Love which you know will do't, I look upon you only as my Conveniency.

Rais.

Yes, I have been a Conveniency to your whole Family: Five hundred pounds your Brother had to buy him a Company, which was broke in two Months; then he set my Prentice at Dice, cheated him of Two hundred pound, which he robb'd me of: And three hundred pound your Father had to purchase a Place at Court, to keep him from his Creditors, which he lost one night at the Groom-Porters, and durst never peep out of Whitehall since. Indeed you are a [Page 2] Gentlewoman, and have behav'd your self like one: In less than a fortnight after I married you, you ran away with a Captain of the Guards, and I was forc'd to take you out of his Lodgings with a Messenger; and you have play'd me abundance of pretty tricks since, which my Love and Folly has forgiven: So I have been your Father's Bubble, and your Brother's Cully; the Mark of the City, the Shame of my own Family, and your Cuckold and Conve­niency.

Mrs. Rais.

Let me but have a Coach, and I'll live as you'll have me.

Rais.

Don't think of a Coach, and you will live as I'll have you.

Mrs. Rais.

Why, Ingredient, the Pothecary keeps his Wife a Coach, and is not worth half so much as you are; besides you have fin'd for Alderman.

Rais.

Ay, and if I had not fin'd for Fool, in giving your Relations a thousand pound, you might have had a Coach.

Mrs. Rais.

Why, I did not advise you to't.

Rais.

Yet would never let me rest till I did it.

Mrs. Rais.

Why, let me have a Coach, and I'll save it in other things; I'll catch Cold else every Winter, and it shall cost you as much in Slops; for my Cloaths are so good, and my Shoes are so fine, I cannot walk a Foot.

Rais.

Oh Citizens! Citizens! how are the times altered, since your Wives wore High-crown'd Hats, Farendin Gowns, Red-Cloth Petticoats, Spanish-Leather Shoes, and trudg'd about in Pattons: Now your Feet must be furnish'd with a Guiney a pair; your Milliners Ware from the New-Exchange, the Old can't please you; your Silks bought in Covent-Garden, Pater-noster Row has no Choice. We are a pretty Corporation! that are the Metropolis of the King­dom, furnish the whole Nation, yet cannot please our selves! like Vintners that love to be Drunk in others Mens Taverns! well may we decay, when our Wives, like French Mistresses, send our Money abroad.

Mrs. Reas.

If the times are alter'd with the Wives, so they are with the Hus­bands, since they wore slash Doublets, short Cloaks, and open-knee'd Breeches, with their own thin lank Hair, that look'd like the Fringe of a Blanket, or the strings of a Bunch of Leeks; you can now wear the best Fashion and richest Cloaths, Swords upon occasion; come Drunk to a Play-House; pick up Whores at the Chocolate-House: Be bubled by Sharpers at Ordinaries: Carry a good Face at Change, though within a day of Breaking; take up 3 or 4000 l. under pretence of unexpected Bills; whip over to the Kings Bench; Bilk your Creditors, and die with the Curse of Orphans and Widows on ye.

Rais.

I pity them that do so. But Women commonly bring 'em to't.

Mrs. Rais.

But not their Wives.

Rais.

Their Wives or their Whores, they are Women still: Why, how ex­travagant that Head looks now, what a Monument of Topnots is there? On my Conscience, if the French had landed, the Heads of the Women might have serv'd for Beacons all over the Nation.

Mrs. Rais.

Well, well, shall I have a Coach?

Rais.

Not this Year.

Mrs. Rais.

Shall I have one the next?

Rais.

I can't tell.

Mrs. Rais.
[Page 3]

Nor yes won't give me a positive answer?

Rais.

We'l think on't.

Mrs. Rais.

We'l think on't, Bungler. I long for a Coach, and I will have a Coach; and you may spare it out of Clarret, you So [...]; since you can get no Children to Inherit what you have, I'le spend it; and thou shalt never live an easie hour till I have a Coach; and so think on't, thou Associate of Drunkards, eternal Tobacco Funker; must I be contented with a Beast that stinks perpetu­ally, sits up till two or three of the Clock in the Morning, and knows nothing but his Bottle some times a Week together? The World shall know what a Bed­fellow thou art, that snores all night, and art sick in the morning; thou Dehili­tated Booby, thou sapless trunk.

Exit.
Rais.

What will become of me? Beat her I can't, hate her I can't, turn her away I dare not. If I could complain of her, I must not, for my own Repu­tation suffers in't; besides, she has such a bloody crew of Relations, that would murder me, if I should do any of these things; A Pox of all Fools that marry poor Gentlewomen, for you wed their whole Family, and entail a Plague upon your Posterity. Well I'll go up to Sir Tho. Reveller, invite him to Dinner, with two or three more, and drink her out of my head. The Daughter of a Knight; with a pox! the Honourable Sir Francis Haughty, Brother to the Viscount Blu­steror, Baron of Rockey Hills in Scotland! Well, take warning all by me.

I Robert Raison Grocer,
To have and to hold, and so, Sir,
Took the Daughter of a Knight from Covent Garden,
I Worth 10000 l. she not one Farthing.
Exit.

SCENE II. Tower Hill.

Enter at one door the Lord Worthy and Servant. At the other Young Reveller.
L. Wor.

Bring my things out of the Boat, and call me a Coach.

Water.

Yes, Master.

Y. Rev.

I think I have heard that voice, I'm sure I have seen that face.

L. Wor.

George Reveller!

Embraces.
Y. Rev.

My Lord Worthy! Welcome ashore: how long has this happy Island been blest with your approach?

L. Wor.

Prithee, sweet Orator, lay aside thy Rhetorick, and Preserve if for Friends of lesser date; I am glad to see thee, and take my Joy heartily.

Embraces.
Y. Rev.

Nothing more acceptable by the pleasure of friendship. But, my Lord, being so long abroad in the Courts of celebrated Breeding, I was afraid a hearty English Salute might have been too gross for the tender Constitution of I­talian Ceremony.

L. Wor.

Why faith, George, there are follies all over the World; but by my long absence, and observation, I have studied to despise 'em; I can be Courte­ous, without Formality; Cleanly, without Vanity; Friendly, without Flattery; free from Prodigality, yet Generous in what is necessary; Honest, without Par­tiality; [Page 4] and can be merry with a Friend, without talking Bawdy or Divinity.

Y. Rev.

Faith, my Lord, I can't match you; if you expect such Virtues here, you must e'ne keep company by your self: Why you'l be envy'd by the Wise, and scorn'd by the Fools: for a true English man abhors what he cannot reach, and neglects what he can.

L. Wor.

Well, George, if thou art as free from these sins, as thou wert when I left thee, I shall compleat my Travels in thy so wish'd for Conversation, and re­pent that my curiosity abroad kept me so long from home.

Y. Rev.

Nay, my Lord, I was heartily griev'd my Fortune would not admit of my accompanying your Lordship abroad, but I have been faithful in my Cor­respondence to your four years Travels, and my Letters never mist of any passages here that were worth your acceptance.

L. Wor.

Dear George I thank thee for 'em; and but that I thought I should soon­er reach thee than a Letter, I had given thee notice of my arrival; for I came in the Pacquet Boat from Callis to Dover, where I took Post to Greenwich, shift­ed my self, and so came hither; and had I not met with you, was going to seek you.

Y. Rev.

I am glad this accident prevented that trouble, I was just going to Greenwich; but if you please, we'll go back to the Change, pick up an honest fel­low or two, and dine at the Rummer in Queenstrees; which, tho' the dearest, is indeed the best accommodated house we can boast of.

L. Wor.

What, are all the famous Houses about Covent-Garden and Charing-Cross abolished?

Y. Rev.

Faith, my Lord, they are mightily degenerated, since Strephon the wise, the witty, and the gay, and the Prince of all Company, as well as all hearts, forsook us: Those that are left of that glorious Society, are retired from the world, and mourn the remembrance of their lost Companions, that Wit and good fellows are as hard to be found, as Conscience in a Jury, or Honesty in a Guar­dian.

L. Wor.

Well, since those Golden Days cannot be call'd again, we must make the best of our present Insufficiency, and be as happy as we can, tho' not to such perfection. For to tell thee truth, George, we have a very in­different Character abroad; and the respect to an English man is lessen'd extream­ly; our understanding is become a jest, by our not knowing what we wou'd have; and the next Age must play the Fool within its own bounds, for as the Gent. Usher says in the Rehearsal, for Politicians no body else will take us.

Y. Rev.

'Tis a sad truth, my Lord, for our distractions, which we might heal, we strive to enlarge; and our misfortunes abroad are occasion'd by our sollys at home: Our Nobility love their Ease and Pleasure, the Gentry are Careless and stub­born, the Commonalty grumbling and Positive, the Clergy Ambitious and frow­ard, and the Mobile mad for an Insurrection.

L. Wor.

So much for Politicks; but setting State Affairs aside, how does the old Gentleman your Father?

Y. Rev.

Why 'tis a tuff Thief, my Lord, he'll bend double before he'll break, and prefers living with his Equals below, before going to his Betters above: [...]lfes me, as most Parents do their Children, who are at vast charge to give [Page 5] 'em the Education of Gentlemen, and, when they're fit for the society of such, starve 'em.

L. Wor.

Is he in Town?

Y. Rev.

Ay, my Lord, and ten to one but we meet him at Change; he's a jolly Spark, and loves his Whore and his Bottle, as well as the Lewdest of Eighteen.

L. Wor.

Are our Youth so perfect at 18, George?

Y. Rev.

Ay, my Lord, as our Grandfathers were at 50: Youth now keeps Company with Age, and Men with Boys; Vice is so much Improv'd within these ten years, and madness so Pregnant, that within five more our Lads at 12 will begin to Whore and bear Drink, as Portuguese Women do Children, and be past it at five and twenty; they're Downright fots at 30, Drivel on till 40, when being fit for nothing but Hospitals, they expire in a Flux, and you read in the Bill of Mortality, they dyed of a Fever.

L. Wor.

Well, prithee let's be gone, for I long to see some of these whose Characters thou hast given.

Y. Rev.

As we go, my Lord, we'll call at the old Gentleman's Lodgings, Probably he's at home; I must imform you, as you go, of his humour, that you may the better know how to manage him: Next have a care you buy not the sight of these Sparks too dear, for they'l fasten on you with the least Encourage­ment you give 'em, and they'l worry you with more Questions, than an old Scholar would his Son, when he comes home from School at Christmas.

L. Wor.

O fear not, I Love Fools as I do a Landskip, they're always best at distance. Tom bring the things.

Exeunt.

SCENE III. Sir Thomas Reveller Dressing himself.

Enter Boy.
Boy.

Sir, the Steward has brought his Accounts, according to your Wor­ships Order.

Sir Tho.

Bring him in; I look frouzy this morning, ad I must leave off this Drinking, it will kill me else; For the heat of my Body's so violent, it will set the Clarret within me a Boyling, and make a hash of my Bowels for Satan; Yet, I look pretty well of my Age too; What a pox I'm but eight and forty, and have Lungs as shrill as an Eunuch, fo, la, la, la; ah that Eye, Sir Thomas, that Leer of the left Eye has broke many a heart, you old Rogue; George's Eye, Son George has the same Eye to a T, all 'tis a wicked Dog at a Wench, but a cursed Rogue keeps all his Whores to himself, he won't let his none Dad come in for a snack; I'm forc'd to lay on my own Maids, and then the Coach-men get 'em with Child, and the Whores put 'em upon me; ad I must take up, I must take up my Life, and take down my flesh; I have had 20 Coach-men within this 10 year, and every one of them has left me the Illegitimate substance of his Brawny Ability.

Enter Steward, gives Sir Tho. the Account.
Sir Tho.

Is this a sincere Account of the last 3 months?

Stew.
[Page 6]

'Tis both sincere and Just.

Sir Tho.

It may be so, but 'tis very Extravagant; three hogsheads of strong Beer Drank out in one Day by Harvest People.

Stew.

Yes, and please you.

Sir Tho.

Yes, and vex me; it went thorough 'em as fast as they Drank it, they could never hold so much.

Stew.

Yes, and make nothing on't.

Sir Tho.

So methinks. Stoln one night 5 Piggs, 7 Turkeys, 9 Geese, 11 Ducks, 13 Hens, and 15 Dozen of Pidgeons, by the new-rais'd Dragoons; what will they do when they come to be old Souldiers▪ But they're always in an Enemies Country, tho' Quarter'd on their own Fathers. Spent likewise 40 s. at several times with the Overseers, about agreeing for giving Security for 4 Maids with Child.

Maids with Child!

Stew.

Servants, and like you.

Sir Tho.

Yes, they have serv'd me finely! which were left so by the afore­said Souldiers; so what they rob us of in poultry, they give us in Bastards, a pretty Exchange. Spent at fair Sarah the Dairy-Maids crying-out, who in her Labour laid the Child to your Worship; why, you Son of a Whore, laid it to me! I han't known her this 12 Months.

Stew.

Sir, she Swore—

Sir Tho.

Sirra she's a Bitch if she swore any such thing, and I can satisfy a Jury of Midwives I have keen past it this 10 years; a young Dragooner, I'll be hang'd else; Owns what an Age we live in, that the Civil Powers must keep Whores for the Military, and maintain the Children at their own Charge! I had a Sister but 12 year ago, that run away with a Welsh Ensign, who made a Beggar of her in 2 years, Poxt her the third, was Hang'd the 4th for a High­way Man, and she Burnt in Wales for a Clipper.

Stew.

'Tis a crying shame, Sir, that ones own Kindred can't be safe for them.

Sir Tho.

It is so, wherefore I will Petition, that the Army may have a certain allowance of Strumpets, which shall be maintain'd by the Country Gentlemen, that we may keep our Families and Relations for our own use.

Enter Sasaphras.
Sasa.

Good Morrow, Sir Thomas the Worshipful, how is it, Sir?

Sir Tho.

Mr. Sasaphras the Drugster! 'faith warm with last Nights Toping, my Head Akes, and my Hand Shakes, this Morning.

Sasa.

Ah, Sir Thomas, that will be at our years, if we drank water; but in­deed, we roar'd mightily, were very Merry, and Bumper'd it about chear­fully; ad my Neighbour Raison the Grocer was pure and Wicked after you left us.

Sir Tho.

Ay!

Sasa.

Ay, fackings.

Sir Tho.

Why, Prithee? What did you? for I went home at 9 of the Clock.

Sasa.

Why, we were Delitions and Lewd, and had a mind to play some of your Covent Garden Tricks, and Court-Diversions; and Mr. Billet the Wood-Monger [Page 7] goes Home very Drunk, and like a true Gentleman, kick'd his Wife, and went to Bed to his Maid.

Sir Tho.

A very goodnight, I saith, Steward, depart, this Wickedness is too Gentile for your Capacity.

Stew.

Yes, Sir, and would become me as ill as your Companions: These Ci­tizens would feign do something like Courtiers; but I find they affect their Vi­ces, as they do their Fashions, never till the Gentry are both weary and asham'd of 'em.

Exit Stew.
Enter Raison.
Rais.

Sir Thomas, good day; Neighbour Sasaphras the same; well how is it Gentlemen? Pure, Bonny, Blith, Brisk, Gay, Jolly, Whimsical, what say you? season'd with last nights Wetting, for to days soaking? does not the Spirit of Claret shine in your Souls, and illuminate your Faculties, inspiring your Understandings fit for fresh Wantonness, ha?

Sir Tho.

Well said, Landlord Raison, the Honour of the Grocers I faith!

Sasa.

And Master of the Company, you forgot that, Sir Thomas.

Rais.

How now, Sasaphras the Drugster, old Ingredient for Claps, Infusion for Potions, and Author of wry faces.

Sas.

Free from the Noose of Matrimony, Old Spicer of Plumb Porridge, Quest Ale, and Funeral Dead Claret?

Sir Tho.

To him, Sugar-Loaf.

Rais.

Well said, Batchelor, old Baudy Solitude, and Single Fornication.

Sasa.

Why, thou'rt as brisk.—

Rais.

Why? my Wife's gone into the Country, I'm Lord of all, and Master of my self.

Sasa.

Till she returns, Neighbour Raison.

Rais.

Right, Neighbour chip Roots.

Sir Tho.

I gad, if she were mine, I should be loth to trust her in such pub­lick places, as thou dost; as Epsome, Islington Wells, and Greenwich Park. Ad if I were a young Fellow, my Mouth would so water at her.

Rais.

Like enough. I warrant you, there are Fellows water at her, and it may be she thirsts after them; may be she's Honest, or may be I'm a Cuckold; all Married Men must stand to their Wives Mercy; and if I should be one, I have so much Sence, as not to make a noise about what I cannot help, and had rather be a private Plague to my self, than a Publick Jest to the World.

Sir Tho.

Advice to Cuckolds, Seneca the 2d.

Rais.

Pshu, Pox, if we Marry Gentlewomen, they'l play us Gentlewomens Tricks; we Citizens marry them for Love, and they take us for Interest: I wonder at the Impudence of any Tradesman, to think to keep a Gentlewoman to himself.

SINGS.
Ye Citizens of London,
That will have Gallant Wives,
Ye never would be undone,
If you'd Marry Dames in Quoives.
[Page 8]But Gentlewomens Tales
Have got the Itch of Loving,
And when the Fancy once Prevails,
Their Buttocks will be Moving.
Sasa.

Ah Boys, ifackins, he's in a rare Cue to day, his Wife's absence has new Soul'd him.

Sir Tho.

We will not baulk this good Humour, where shall we Dine?

Rais.
Faith, with me, Sir Thomas, this is my Birth day, and I'le Drink
To the Memory of he that got me, she that bore me,
And Heaven grant Wife thou dy'st before me.
Enter Servant.
Serv.

Sir, There's my Lord Worthy newly come from Travel, and my young Master below.

Sir Tho.

Entreat my Lord to Approach, but bid your young Master wait below, till I send for him.

Exit Servant.
Sasa.

Why, what a crooked temper'd Knight's this, he will do nothing his Son would have him, nor suffer him to follow his own desires.

Enter Lord Worthy.
L. Wor.

Sir Thomas Reveller, may a Man be admitted to your Embraces after six years absence?

Embraces.
Sir Tho.

Heartily Glad to see you on my Soul, my Lord. Pray be pleas'd to know, my Landlord Raison, and his Neighbour, Mr. Sasaphras a Drugster, in­genious Men both, particular Members of the Common Council, and in all private Affairs consulted for the good of the Publick.

L. Wor.

Seeing 'em in your Company, is a sufficient Testimony of their good Parts.

Sasa.

Sir Thomas is pleas'd to be Witty, my Lord; but we have some Power in this City, and should be Proud if your Lordship had occasion to use it.

Rais.

We are plain Men, my Lord, but have good Credit, and can make our Friends welcome; we can Drink without being Exceptious, be Merry with­out State-Affairs, hate parting when we are good Company, abhor knowing how the time goes, therefore no body carries a Watch amongst us.

Sir Tho.

Pray, my Lord, how long have you been in London?

L. Wor.

Faith, Sir Thomas, not an hour, and if my Good Fortune had not thrown me on your Son, must have been a Wanderer much longer; but he has the strangest fancy, he told me he'd bring me to his Father, and I could not get him up stairs by any Perswasion.

Sir Tho.

I sent to him to stay below.

L. Wor.

No, Sir Thomas, before I saw your Servant he swore he would not come up.

Sir Tho.

Swore it, I'll make him break his Oath, or break his Neck; Jack, go and bid George come up.

Exit Servant.
Rais.

I suppose he has told your Lordship his Father's Humour, he's forc'd to act by contraries with him; I swear it's pity, he's a fine Gentleman, and I love him extreamly.

Sir Tho.
[Page 9]

I never knew a Cuckold in my Life, but was fond of the Rogue that made him one.

L. Wor.

Why truly, Sir, I think Nature has been juster to him, than his For­tune, which I am sorry is not equal to his Merit; and all the Virtues I could wish my self, or in a Friend, I find in him.

Enter Servant.
Serv.

Sir, your Son's gone.

Sir Tho.

How, Gone!

L. Wor.

He's but gone to Guildhall, he said he'd walk there till I came.

Sir Tho.

Fetch him, Sirrah.

Exit Servant.
Rais.

'Tis true indeed, my Lord, and I am sorry his Father won't let him live like a Gentleman.

Sir Tho.

What, you'd have him Master of my Purse, as your Wife is of yours! as long as the world knows he is a Gentleman, what's matter for his living like one; 'Gad, I know abundance about this Town that live like Gentlemen, and are asham'd to own their Parents.

Sasa.

So far I must side with Sir Thomas, he allows his Son to live on the sharp, and that's like most of the Gentlemen of this Age.

Sir Tho.

Come, come, 'tis best pinching 'em in their Youth, they'l the better know how to prize Money in their Age.

L. Wor.

'Faith, Sir Thomas, that Precept seldom takes effect; for a Son is apt to run into Extravagancies the latter part of his Life, to make amends for the ill usage of the first; and when Pleasure's in view, Consideration's a Foe.

Rais.

Understandingly spoken, my Lord; this Travelling is an ingenious thing, 'tis pity, that there are not half a dozen Members of the Common Coun­cil, sent yearly abroad to learn Politicks, at the Expence of the Nation.

Sir Tho.

What, how to Cheat more than you do. Pox, Tradesmens Poli­ticks consist in Lying only, and ye need not go out of your Parishes to learn that.

L. Wor.

But pray, Sir Thomas, how long have you forsook the Court, and Embrac'd the Order of Citt?

Sir Tho.

Why, ever since Knavery took Place of Honesty.

Sasa.

And that's a long time, Sir Thomas.

Sir Tho.

I speak in my days, Pimp.

Rais.

There's a Bob for Batchelors, for they're all so.

Sir Tho.

There's nothing but Whoring, and—for Whoring, I think we are pretty even with 'em here; but there's Gaming and Perjury, Murder and Blas­phemy, Divinity and Hipocrisie, running in Peoples Debts, and borrowing of Money: I'le say that for the Honour of the City, I have liv'd here this 3 years, and han't been struck for a Guiney by any younger Brother among 'em.

Sasa.

He that won't provide for his own Son, will scarce lend to an Ac­quaintance.

Sir Tho.

Peace, Bedlam.

Kicks backwards.

My Lord, shall I describe you the Life of a t'other end of the Town, thorow­pac'd Rakehell.

Rais.
[Page 10]

Pray let him, my Lord, he's an admirable Satylist.

Sir Tho.

'Tis to speak ill of every Man; yet be courteous to all Men; borrow of most Men, and pay no Man; always at home to their Whores, and ever abroad to their Creditors; to Cheat their Brothers, Debauch their Sisters; to be Drunk Nightly, Arrested Weekly, Beaten Monthly, Poxt Quarterly, Live Cursedly, Dye Wretchedly, and so be Damn'd to all Eternity.

Sasa.

Here's the Spleen of the City, my Lord; we can be as sharp upon them as they upon us, sometimes.

L. Wor.

Pleasantly describ'd, in faith, Sir Thomas.

Enter Y. Reveller.

But see your Son.

Sir Tho.

What was the Reason you did not wait on my Lord up stairs, Sirra?

Y. Rev.

You sent me word it was your Pleasure I should stay below.

Sir Tho.

And therefore you went away, Jackanapes.

Y. Rev.

I thought it not for your Honour, I should keep Company with Footmen.

L. Wor.

Nay, Sir Thomas, You must not look upon him now as your Son, but a Friend of mine, and pray be Civil to him for my sake.

Sir Tho.

Sir, for my Lord's sake, you're very welcome.

Bows very low.
Y. Rev.

Nay, Good Sir.

Sir Tho.

Why, Tom Totty, will neither Austerity nor Civility please you?

Rais.

Good my Lord take him off, here will be a Quarrel else.

L. Wor.

Well, Sir Thomas, I'm resolv'd we'll Dine together, since I did not pay my Foy when I left the Town, I'll pay my Welcome to't.

Rais.

If your Lordship pleases, let me give you your Welcome; Sir Thomas has Promis'd to Dine with me, 'tis my Birth Day, and if you'l grace it with your Presence, I'le give you a Cleanly and Hearty Entertainment; we'll have Wine in abundance, speak but one at once; Wit as it happens, and no Wives.

L. Wor.

Truly, Sir, the Invitation is indeed alluring.

Sir Tho.

Come, my Lord, be good Natur'd for once, and let my Landlord have the Maidenhead of your Arrival.

Y. Rev.

I think, my Lord, we can't do better.

Sir Tho.

Who spoke to you, Jack Sause, you may Dine elsewhere.

L. Wor.

Nay, Sir Thomas, you forget he's my Friend.

Y. Rev.

Nay, Sir, I ask your Pardon; for I'm engag'd, now I think on't, at Pontacks, tho' not with such good Company.

Sir Tho.

Indeed, Sir, and now I think on't, you shall not be engag'd at Pontacks.

Y. Rev.

Indeed, Sir, but I am.

Sir Tho.

I will break your Head, if you say that again.

Y. Rev.

Why, Sir, my Word is past.

Sir Tho.

Therefore you shan't go.

Y. Rev.

Would you have me break my Word, Sir?

Sir Tho.

Break your Word, Sir, 'twon't go for a Groat, Sir.

Sasa.

That's your fault, Sir Thomas.

Sir Tho.

Drugster.

Stamps his Cane on Sasa's Toes.

But I'le make you break it, for having the Impudence to engage your self in any thing, without advising with me.

Y. Rev.
[Page 11]

What, not to dine with a Friend, Sir!

Sir Tho.

No, Sir, not to say your Prayers, if I think fit.

Rais.

Let him alone, my Lord, there's no other way of working him.

L. Wor.

I know it.

Sir Tho.

Did you never pray for my Death, Sirrah? answer me sincerely. Did you never wish me at the Devil?

Y. Rev.

I have wish'd him out of you often, Sir.

Sir Tho.

Out of me! Why, you Dog, do I incorporate with the Devil?

Rais.

This is too far▪ Come, come, Mr. George, you shall dine with me.

Y. Rev.

Indeed Mr. Raison, I shall lose a Guiney if I do. For I left one as a Forfeit, if I made not my appearance.

Sir Tho.

Come, come, George; stay George, thou shalt not want for a Guiney.

Y. Rev.

Sir.

Sir Tho.

I say thou canst not want for a Guiney; my Landlord Raison, or Mr. Sasaphras, will lend thee a Guiney.

Rais.

What, and the Father present!

Sasa.

No, thank you for that.

Y. Rev.

I cannot stay without the Guiney.

Sir Tho.

Why get you gone and be hang'd, you mercenary— George.

As he's going off.
Y. Rev.

Sir.

Sir Tho.

Won't you dine with your Cuckold, you fair-fac'd Dog?

Y. Rev.

My Cuckold!

Sir Tho.

Ay, ay, you leering Rogue, my Landlord; ah you're a sly Toad, George.

Y. Rev.

I know nothing on't, Sir.

Sir Tho.

Why did you never lie with his Wife, Smock-face?

Y. Rev.

Not I, Sir.

Sir Tho.

As you hope to be sav'd.

Y. Rev.

Nay, Sir.

Sir Tho.

I'll knock you down, you cursed Dog, if you stand in a lie to me.

Offers to strike him, who offers to go.
L. Wor.

Nay fie, Sir Thomas.

Parts him.
Sir Tho.

A harden'd Rascal; why whither are you going, Sirrah?

Y. Rev.

Out of your presence, Sir, that I may not disturb the Company.

Sir Tho.

Stay, Sirrah. I cannot let him go, because he has a mind to't. And must you lose a Guiney if you stay, Sir?

Y. Rev.

Ay, Sir, besides the Conversation of some pretty Women.

Sir Tho.

Pretty Women Sirrah! My Lord, we'll all go and dine with George.

Rais.

Come Sir Thomas give him the Guiney, I had rather give it him my self, than be without his company.

Sir Tho.

Why then give it him, if thou lik'st it so well.

Rais.

Not before you, Sir Thomas.

Sir Tho.

I'll go out of the Room.

Sasa.

Ah, hold there.

Sir Tho.
[Page 12]

I have no Gold about me;—my Lord will you lend George a Guiney?

L. Wor.

Ay, Sir, twenty, if you say the word.

Sir Tho.

No, no, but one, my Lord; nay, give it George; but one, my Lord; twenty I must pay him, one he may forget, or be asham'd to ask for't.

Rais.

Come all's well, and we'll be rare and merry.

Sir Tho.

George be cheary, I will lay by the authority of a Father, and dedi­cate this day to Familiarity and good Fellowship.

L. Wor.

Give me your hand on't.

Sir Tho.

There 'tis, and if I talk like a Parent, break my Head.

Y. Rev.

There's mine, Sir, I'll do't.

Sasa.

Come, my Lord, lead the way.

Rais.

Pray do, my Lord, and we four will sing a Whim ex tempore. Eat an Oyster before Dinner, and take a whet.

L. Wor.

Away with it.

Rais.
SINGS.
The Son's reconcil'd, and the Father is free;
Sasa.
The Husband's at home, and the Wife is abroad;
Y. Rev.
We'll empty the Cellar, and drink it quite dry;
Sir Tho.
But every man here shall have his full load.
Rais.
Confusion to him that's not true to his Friend,
Sasa.
And hang the dull Rogue that shrinks from his Wine,
Y. Rev.
May all hard hearted Parents and Usurers mend,
Sir Tho.
And may Sons at their Fathers never repine.
Rais.
May all these good Wishes encrease with our Riches,
But a Pox take all Wives that e're wore the Breeches.
Chorus.
May all, &c.
Exeunt.

ACT II.

SCENE, A Garden.

Enter Florella and Violante.
Flor.

WEll, this Young Reveller's not coming to Dinner vexes me.

Viol.

Ay, and had not Mrs. Raison come down this Morning, you would have been much more uneasie.

Flor.

Why truly I should have thought 'em together, that's the wicked truth on't; but hang him, he has more Mistresses to diverthimself with: These young Fellows that run at all, value no body any longer than they're with 'em. Well, Virtuous Women, when once they're in love, should never let the man stir out of their sight, till they've made him sure; for we set the Devil a dan­cing in 'em; and because we won't comply without Matrimony, they meet while their eager some kind she that has less Grace, which reaps the fruit of our Labour.

Vio.

Fie, how you talk!

Flor.

Fie, how I talk! why you think the same, and so does the whole Sex.

Vio.

Have you no Regard to Virtue?

Flor.

Yes, as long as Virtue has any Regard to me. Prithee let us not affect that nicety when we're alone, which we assume in Publick: I confess I would not go beyond the Rules of Honour, and yet I cannot help envying those that do, when I think they enjoy my Lover.

Vio.

Florella, a lewd satisfaction is but of a short date; And however Gay or Splendid a Miss may appear for the time she Triumphs, she falls at last as unpityed, as unhappy; for the thoughts in each Man, that every fool who has money is as acceptable as himself, makes the Woman as cheap as the Pleasure.

Flor.

Why, do you believe that none of the Women about the Town were ever true to one man?

Vio.

No more than I believe one man is enough for the Women about Town. The vanity that first betray'd 'em, always pursues 'em. Pride makes more Whores than Love. Love ne're made Whores; Conveniency and Lust: Love's pure and chast, the Beauty of the mind, if so allow'd; the Beauty of the mind can ne're abuse the Glory of the Soul: They that can fit contented with their being, will never use base methods to advance it: And I cannot help thinking that she who will be Debauch'd to mend her condition, will afterwards lye with any man that can better it.

Enter Boy:
Boy.

Here's a Letter from Mr. Reveller, to Madam Florella.

Flor.

So, the Rascal has sent an excuse, that's better than nothing.

(Reads) Dear Madcap (somewhat familiar for a Lover of a Fortnights stand­ing) I was robb'd of thy Company by the Arrival of a Friend, my Lord Worthy, who this Morning came to London, being returned from his Travels, and waiting on him to my Father, was kept by the old Fellow at Dinner; pray pardon the misfortune, since 'twas not my own seeking: I will wait on you this Evening in the Park, and bid your Sister look about her, for I will bring my Lord, who is as mad to see her, as she will be to have him, when she knows him. So in hopes to Cherish you in Sickness and in Health, I remain your Obedient, George Reveller.

[Page 14]And thou shalt obey some time, George, for I know I must hereafter altoge­ther. D'you hear, Sister, how you're threatned?

Vio.

Oh, forewarn'd forearm'd; however, if he be so accomplish'd as your Lover has spoke him, as frozen a Virgin as I am, I may be melted: but when that time comes, Florella, I'm resolv'd, if possible, we'll be Married the same Day, and Bedded the same Night, that the Ignorance of one may not put the Experience of the other to the Blush.

Enter Mrs. Raison.
Mrs. Rais.

Your Servant, Ladies, what taking the Air to digest the Fumes of your Dinner?

Vio.

Any thing, Madam, to avoid sleeping, which I am mightily given to after meals?

Mrs. Rais.

'Tis very unwholsome, indeed: But your Mother expects you, for there are several Ladies come to visit her, and she wants your good Company to help her to entertain 'em.

Vio.

We'll wait on her, Madam; come, Sister.

Flor.

Stay, I'le vex her a little first. Will not young Mr. Reveller be here to Day, Madam? he promis'd to come and play at Cards again.

Mrs. Rais.

Why, do you like his Company so well, Madam?

Flor.

No, Madam; but I find he does mine; you were the first that intro­duc'd him into the Family, and I was civil to him for your sake, which I find he misinterprets, and has sent me a Love Letter.

Mrs. Rais.

A Love Letter! what was in it? pray let's see it.

Flor.

'Twas not worth your Reading, or my Remembring, and I expos'd it to the flames the minute I perus'd it. And tho' his Father makes Love to my Mother, I have more value for my self, than to admit the Addresses of one who is a Beggar; and so pray tell him.

Mrs Rais.

I shall; and severely, Madam.

Flor.

She's rouz'd. Will you not walk, Madam?

Mrs. Rais.

I'le but gather a few Violets, and follow you.

Vio.

Fye, why would you fret the poor Woman so? You might spare her the use of him, 'till you purchase him your self.

Flor.

Hang 'em for Cutt-Loaves, as they call 'em; if it were not for the Conveniency of such, young Fellows would marry faster.

Ex. Flor. and Viol.
Mrs. Rais.

Oh false base Villain! have I maintain'd him, kept him even from starving, fed still his Pride to keep his Figure up, slighted the Addresses of great Men for him, neglected every duty of a Wise, and Sacrafic'd my name, my Peace, and all the ornaments of Reputation? With him I ran away, e're scarcely warm within my Husbands Arms: oh 'twas too short a Siege, he won too easily the Fort, which had to others seem'd Impregnable; without an Oath I render'd him my Heart, and in the Zeal of Love forgot conditions; I had in­tentions to forget the Monster, return to the Obedience which I swore; for what I use so ill deserves it not; nay, I had resolv'd it, had fram'd my self by mild Degrees to leave him. I would have been his Friend tho' still in want, and could with ease I thought have parted with him.

But that which was indifferent before,
His Loving her now, makes me Covet more.
Exit.

SCENE II. Dorinda and her Aunt.

Dor.
Oh tell me not of Honour, what I ought
Of Obligation's Gratitude to Worthy:
'Tis true, he is the Man who first seduc'd me,
And thou art she who first betray'd me to him:
I then was Poor, was ignorant of Sin;
So Innocent, that had I lov'd as now,
I could not for the Soul of me have told
What 'twas I long'd for more than talk and kisses.
Aunt.
Well, well, Experience has cur'd those Errors,
And I suppose you can tell what you long for now.
You know this young Reveller is your Lord's Friend,
Who was so fearful of the World's admiring you,
He would not trust him with the Knowledge of you:
What can you hope for? If his Friend has Honour,
He cannot condescend to wrong his Love.
Dor.
He knows me not, nor nothing of my Being.
Aunt.
You will be known in time, and then consider
What the Event will be of such a Breach.
My Lord can ne're forgive so foul a Crime,
And in the heat of Vengeance both may fall;
You then will wish you had kept the worst of 'em.
Dor.
Impertinent, thou prattlest for thy Int'rest,
And seest no further than my ill-got Pension:
When Vice grows Ancient, it grows Mercenary.
Aunt.

Well, well, I was believ'd in the days of your Stepmother, when you sat with your Needle in your hand from morning till night, with a short Meal a day, whilst all her own Children took place of you. I then was ap­peal'd to, and my Advice was acceptable.

Dor.
It was my Poverty that gave the Credit.
Temptation in Affliction seldom fails.
Freedom was first propos'd, and first enclin'd to;
Then Wealth, which made that Freedom relish better.
My Vanity was eager of the Bait▪
And thou with Art didst play it to my likeing.
Fools, when they find their Masters Weaknesses,
Are Eloquent in flattering their Errors:
The Wife that would correct them are thought Fools.
I lov'd the Purchase, but I curst the Price:
My Pride, not Inclination did undo me.
Aunt.
But now your Inclination will, I find:
What is it you propose in following Reveller?
The Man must live on you, you can't on him;
Nor will your Stock maintain your Follies long;
[Page 16]Can't you take one without forsaking t'other?
Keep both, and I'll side with you.
Let Reveller his absent Hours supply,
But let the others Gold still make you easie.
Dor.
Thou art a worthy wicked Counsellor:
Sin when it shews good nature is excusable;
My Treachery must thrive by Treachery:
I know the Act I am about is base,
But that serves little, when I cannot help it.
Morality, thou art unprofitable;
When once our Souls are prejudic'd to Reason,
Affection helps the most decrepid sence,
And reconciles Impossibilities.
Aunt.
Do you stand to my Proposal?
Dor.
Oh, any thing to feed my Hopes;
These four Years to the World I've liv'd a Nun,
Convers'd with nought but Books, and thy dull self,
And use at last made Solitude most easie;
But oh, that fatal Morning be accurs'd,
When Curiosity debauch'd my Quiet.
'Twas Yesterday, would some Disease had stopt me,
Fond of a sight, I forc'd thee to the Wells,
And Criticis'd upon a crowd of Fools;
Each Fop Buz'd, in a Road of talk, his Folly,
And being Masqu'd, I was oblig'd to hear 'em:
I laugh'd at the insipid Chatterers,
And was diverted with variety.
Aunt.
Till Reveller approach'd?
Dor.
'Tis true.
I love my Weakness, tho' I blush to own it:
That Reveller! why was he made so Lovely?
Not but I could have stood the Charms of Person,
Had he not back'd his Beauty with his Tongue.
I was a stranger too to Conversation;
But Reading, which inform'd me, that the rest
Were Fustian Souls, uneducated Blockheads,
Prov'd Reveller had Art with wondrous Sence;
His words fell easie, soft, not starch'd with Method,
Nor was his Language cramp'd with unknown Terms;
His Arguments gentilely conquer'd mine,
And when he found me silent, urg'd 'em strongest.
Aunt.
Why would you go? I perswaded you against it.
Dor.
Thou didst,
But 'twas an evil Itch that would not hear thee.
Aunt.
[Page 17]
'Tis strange! you have the sence o'th' ill, yet cannot shun it;
Judge equally the Benefit and Loss,
Take in the cooling draught of Temperance,
And weigh impartially, e're 'tis too late.
You that can argue thus the right and wrong,
If you'd endeavour, sure might make good choice!
Dor.
Oh, thou mistakest, the weighing it confounds us.
It is in Love, as 'tis with Factious Writers,
Who state and answer every thing themselves;
That side seems fairest which they most affect.
Aunt.

Well, well, since it cannot be hope, you must have the Man, and there's an end on't.

Dor.
I must, I will, by Heav'n I have him now,
I feel the Panter throbing at my Heart,
Ant.
Still let's be merry and wise, as the saying is:
What will you do about my Lord Worthy?
He has sent you a Letter here, but you won't see it; he says he will be down to night.
Dor.

Give it me—

(Reads.)

Dear, dear Dorinda, (Dear and dull, but come, let's on) this morning I came from Dover to Greenwich, where my Trea­sure was, but unknown to me; in the pursuit on't I have lost such precious hours, as nothing but thy self can make amends for: They told me, where I use to direct my Letters for you, how you were dispos'd of, and had not Y. Reveller hinder'd me, I had been with you as soon as this: But at night expect a longing Lover, to whom Do­rinda is the dearest Object.

Worthy.
Aunt.

Well, and who could write prettier; or indeed, who is prettier? I don't think you have mended your choice; he's Young and Handsom, Rich and Noble; the other has nothing but his Wits to live on.

Dor.

To night! why Reveller meets me to night! nor will I miss the appoint­ment, for ten Lords.

Aunt.

Why, you don't mind what I say to you?

Dor.

Disturb me not — what's to be done?

Aunt.

Why, what are you thinking of?

Dor.

How to avoid this Worthy.

Aunt.

Mercy on me now, Heav'n forbid!

Dor.

Do you forbid his coming, or I go.

Aunt.

Go, whither?

Dor.

Any whither, Madness ne're wants a place.

Aunt.

What will become of us? — Consider.

Dor.

Perish Consider! I have curst all thoughts but those which favour Love and Reveller

Aunt.

Well then, he shall be put off. I'll tell him, that you went to Lon­don to see for some Letters, just before his came, which is probable enough, and so miss'd each other; and that you being fearful of the Water would scarce venture to come home to night; but says I, when she hears of your coming, her Love will do any thing: Then after you have discours'd with Re­veller, [Page 18] you may come in as from London, which will the more and more endear him to you.

Dor.

Do as thou wilt, and tell me on't hereafter.

Aunt.

Sure you might hear what's for your own good, one would think.

Dor.
Talk but of Reveller, and I'll listen calmly;
My Soul shall dwell on the enticing Tale,
And I'll be stupidly in love with Silence;
No Passion ever, ever equal'd mine:
But oh, my Reveller! be thou as kind,
What harmony will be in both our Souls!
Whilst trembling sighs bedew the willing Lips,
And every squeeze still closer than the former.
Oh Extasie!
But hold, keep down my Joy, it were a Crime
That I should lose my self before my time.
Exeunt.

SCENE III. The Park.

Enter Y. Reveller and L. Worthy.
Y. Rev.

This coming by Water has refresh'd us mightily. 'Sdeath, the old Fellows drank like Germans.

L. Wor.

Or like Women with Child, it had no Operation with 'em: I was pretty far gone when we took Boat, but the Air has somewhat settled me.

Y. Rev.

How did you like the Entertainment, my Lord?

L. Wor.

Much better than I thought I should; they are the honestest Ple­beians I ever met with; and as thy Father says, George, I wonder thou canst have the heart to Cuckold so honest a [...]riend to the Bottle, as Raison.

Y. Rev.

Faith, my Lord, I'll be ingenuous with you; 'tis an Intrigue of a pretty long standing, and tho' it be somewhat scandalous to receive more Fa­vours from Women than one, my necessity has oblig'd me to comply; for ever since your Travels she has been my Father.

L. Wor.

Thy old man has us'd thee scurvily; truly, but this Amour with Florella, as thou talk'st of it, if it succeeds, will put it out of his power to wrong thee.

Y. Rev.

I have fair hopes on't, she's worth 15000 l. and her Sister as much. They are the Co-heiress's of Sir Tho. Hazard, a famous Merchant, that died about two Years ago. Their Mother-in-law, my Lady Hazard, did order it so, as to be their Guardian, but the Money's their own upon the day of Age or Marriage; nor is there any scurvy Proviso of the Mother's liking, and so forth; and if I can but secure the Inclination, the Money comes of course.

L. Wor.

How came you acquainted?

Y. Rev.

Why, you must know, my old man has made Love to the Mother this six Months; she has 1200 l. a Year for her life, which her Husband gave her, not as a Jointure, but generously, when he dy'd; which with my Father's two thousand pound per annum, will put 'em into a condition of living without being oblig'd to Relations. But indeed Mrs. Raison was the person who first presented me to the Family, for she Boards in the same House with 'em.

L. Wor.

And thou hast well rewarded her. I wonder at the Humour of Wo­men, [Page 19] that can't have a handsom young Fellow, without the vanity of shewing him; had she never brought you into better company, then her own Discretion had kept, what her Folly has lost.

Y. Rev.

I think both Sexes are equally to blame in that point; and especially Husbands that carry their handsom Wives to all the publick places about Town, as if men married for the approbation of the World, and not their own likeing: Now, when I drink, I make use of my own Pallet; when I buy any thing, my own Opinion's my guide; and not the perswasions of the Seller.

L. Wor.

But, George, you'd take it till to put on a new Suit, and have the Town damn your fancy. Every man loves to hear his choice commended; and a rarity in any kind will be shewn by the owner, out of the pride of his particu­lar possessing it.

Y. Rev.

Why truly there is something in that, my Lord. But I had rather keep my Money in my Pocket, than by exposing my Stock, give Sharpers oppor­tunity of borrowing it.

L. Wor.

But see, George, Petticoats!

Enter Violante and Florella mask'd.
Y. Rev.

The right, I hope; I know you, Madam, by that vicious turn of your head, and side leer.

Flor.

Indeed, Sir!

Y. Rev.

Yes, indeed, Sir—my Lord—Madam, you know what I writ in my Letter: Pray unmask Ladies, that my Lord may be satisfied I spoke truth; for I have given ye Beautiful Characters.

Flor.

I think an honest face need not blush, tho' somewhat homely. Come, Sister, let 'em see the worst of us, lest my Lord should think us uglier than we are. I think our faces are clean.

They unmask.
Y. Rev.

Little Charmer!

L. Wor.

If my Friend, Madam, bought his Curiosity as dearly as I shall pur­chase mine, he's in a languishing condition, I assure you.

Viol.

Soft and fair, my Lord; you are an Artist I find; that can love, as Fid­lers play, at first sight.

L. Wor.
Love, as it's unaccountable, is irresistable.
There must be a beginning, why not now?
A Laziness in liking is insipid.
Nor would you prize the lightning of your Eyes,
If it were slow in giving us the Wound.
That Flint is best, that fires at first stroak.
Such fierce born Sparks, if they not take effect,
Proves that which should receive 'em is in fault,
And makes the Striker peevish.
Viol.
The Fire that kindles quickest, burns too fast;
What boils too fierce ne're strengthens, but decays;
The simmering, tho' slow, is still the stronger.
L. Wor.
No method, sure, can be allow'd in Love.
Prudence and passion never were ally'd.
The Flame which Reason rules has Interest in't:
What's rais'd by Art, is still maintain'd by cunning:
[Page 20]The naked looseness of the Soul is best;
And that which shews most madness, owns most love.
Viol.
I find you are experienc'd in't, my Lord,
And are a Bowler in the Green of Love;
Can lie i'th' Way, or hit the Heart at pleasure.
I am a Stranger to my Byass yet,
Nor is it fit my weakness should be challeng'd
By one who knows the Ground, and all its rubs.
L. Wor.
The Game which I propose I'm sure to lose at;
The most unknowing of your Sex in that,
Will quickly learn, and baffle the Instructer.
Vio.

My Lord you go too far, I'll hear no more.

Flor.

So, his Wit has made him too familiar; and she has done with him: What can you say now that's pleasant and modest? I know 'tis a Restraint upon your Capacity to talk civilly and well: But if you don't, I shall follow my Sister.

Y. Rev.

As you say, Madam, Lewdness is most easie, especially to those who abhor Virtuous Company; but I, who am naturally addicted to goodness, can bear a Subject as Pious as the Priests of our times.

Flor.

So, your Vice will peep in spight of your Tiffany Virtue: But, d'hear, talk to me of nothing but Love; and manage it so that I may believe you; nay, honest Love too, mark that, Sir!

Y. Rev.

That latter obligation is somewhat heavy: Prithee let's talk of other Love, tho' we shall act none; the thoughts of a Miss has oftentimes relish'd a Wife.

Flor.

Indeed, Sir! is your Stomach so queasie? methinks you might swallow the bitter-Pill of Matrimony, when so sweet a bit as 15000 l. is to follow.

Y. Rev.

Faith, Child, I bear a Conscience, and had rather serve thee for no­thing, than take so unreasonable a price for my Labour.

Flor.

Truth is, I don't know whether you'll deserve it; and I think I had better keep my money, than run the hazard of so uncertain a purchase.

Y. Rev.

Pox on't, thou hast too much Wit for a Wife; besides, I suppose you have such a Villainous Constitution, as to expect me all to your self.

Flor.

I leave that to your own discretion; but if you should play me foul, may you only think at the same time I am serving you the same fauce; and go on as well as you can.

Y. Rev.

As you say, when a man can't trust his Servants at home, he can take but little pleasure abroad: I find I shall be undone, in spight of my aversion to Wedlock. Well, my Lord, will your Fort accept of Proposals, or is it stub­born against Articles?

L. Wor.

Faith, George, somewhat Peremptory, and much upon Resistance.

Flor.

Why, my Lord, I thought you Travellers had the Knack of taking Hearts.

L. Wor.

I had of keeping one, 'till I saw your Sister, Madam.

Vio

I desire Consideration, my Lord, the surrender's of consequence, it be­ing the inlet to my Eternal Peace or Disquiet.

Flor.

Ay, ay, give her time, my Lord, as much as she will; the more you offer, the less she'l accept; so much I know of my Sex.

Vio.
[Page 21]

Thank you, Sister; but men are not so scarce, that we need run mad for 'em.

L. Wor.

But you may, if the War continues, for ought I know; you'l wish you had taken a whole Man hereafter; if the Prophecy comes to pass, you'l be very indifferently fed, when one Man is a mess for 7 of you.

Vio.

Methinks you young Gentlemen, Mr. Reveller, should go and serve your Country; 'tis a shame to make Love, when there's Honour in view.

Y. Rev.

Thank you, Madam; but if you could perswade my Father to go in my Room, you would much more oblige me.

Vio.

He's old.

Y. Rev.

The fitter to be knock'd on the head. Young Fellows get the King Souldiers. Drones that have lost their Stings are useless.

L. Wor.

I find these Ladies would be Courted like those in Romances, we must kill Monsters for 'em.

Y. Rev.

Thank Heav'n, we are not so hard put to't, as the Romans were with the Sabines; we need not fight for Women in this Age.

Flor.

Not if all be so free as the Lady in the Mask was yesterday Morning at the Wells, Mr. Reveller.

Y. Rev.

Jealousie's a Sign of Love, Child, I am glad to see it. Why Faith 'twas a likely Soul, and a Woman of Sence; for she rail'd at Ma­trimony damnably.

L. Wor.

Well, George, I as much envy thy Happiness, as I mistrust my own; my Lady has no pity.

Vio.

As much as you care for, my Lord, or becomes me: You have Rallied enough now, I suppose, which was the utmost end of your Conversation. Do I colour, Sister?

Flor.

A little guilty about the Eyes.

Y. Rev.

Come, Ladies, will you honour us so far as to play at Cards with you this Evening? my old Fellow's with your Mother, and we'll pretend a visit to her; I have often talk'd to my Lady of my Lord, and she'll be Proud of a No­ble-man for her Son-in-Law, tho' you are so indifferent to him for a Husband.

Vio.

Ads my Life, here's your Father, my Lady,

A Noise of Musick.

Mr. Raison, and abundance more with Musick!

Enter Sir Thomas Revel, Lady Hazard, Mrs. Raison, Sasaphras, Raison, and Fidlers.
Sir Tho.

Come, my Lady, 'tis pity such an Evening should be lost within doors.

La. Haz.

Look, yonder are my Daughters, Sir Thomas, with your Son and a­nother Gentleman!

Sir Tho.

Ad so, my Lord Worthy! the Flower of Europe, Madam: ad if he takes a likeing to your Daughter, we shall have a Glorious Son-in-Law—George—my Lord, your Lordships humble Servant; pray be pleas'd to know my Lady Hazard, the Mother of these Girls, and, in all likelyhood, of E­lection to be the Partaker of my Flesh and Blood.

L. Wor.

You much honour me, Sir Thomas, and I wish my interest there were equal to yours here.

Vio.

If he goes on as he begins, he may get the start of 'em.

La. Haz.

Your Lordship has so noble a Character, that were I a stranger to [Page 22] your Quality, the fame of your Virtues would recommend you alone; nor would I willingly call her Friend, or Relation, that could refuse such goodness.

L. Wor.

I humbly thank your Ladyship.

Sir. Tho.

Very well; Faith, very well said of both sides; and so much for Complements. Come Neighbour Sasaphras, Landlord Raison, bear up Sirs; what a Pox, Dos'd, stupified, hum drum! Wine used to have another Operation.

Rais.

Pox on't, I'm sorry we left off Drinking. Prithee let's to't agen: I don't care for Womens Company.

Sir Tho.

Why, was it not thy own Proposal, to come down to Greenwich, to Sup with thy Spouse, and be merry with this good Company?

Rais.

Truth is, I was but half Drunk when I had a mind to my Spouse, I find since the last Bottle I am incapable.

Y. Rev.

I am sorry your Husband's in such a condition, Madam.

To Mrs. Rais.
Mrs. Rais.

I am more sorry you're in such Company, Sir. I have not only a Beast for a Husband, but a Villain for a Lover.

Y. Rev.

Madam!

Mrs. Rais.

Rascal.

Y. Rev.

Your Servant.

Flor.

What, are you angry, Mrs. Raison?

Mrs. Rais.

A little troubled he should make my Husband such a Sot, Madam.

Flor.

Such things will be: you may repair the Lady's loss, Mr. Reveller.

Y. Rev.

I wish I might, Madam; for I was always enclin'd to help the afflicted.

Sasa.

Come, what do we do here, Sir Thomas? a Pox of these Petticots, they spoil more Company than e're they Created; let's have some Wine, and cold Chickens, go upon Flamstead's Leads, and huzza to the Neighbouring Counties.

Rais.

Ay, ay, let's huzza, let's huzza.

Y. Rev.

Nay faith, Mr. Raison, since you have Fiddles we'll have a Dance, and what you will.

Sir Tho.

Why, you impudent Rascal, how come you to speak of a Dance be­fore I thought on't?

Y. Rev.

You forget, Sir Thomas, what we shook hands about.

Sir Tho.

Gads so, I beg thy Pardon, George; come then, let's have a Dance.

Sasa.

Hang Dancing, Sir Thomas, 'twill put us all into a Sweat, and make the Air unpleasant.

La. Haz.

I think we had better Dance at home, for we shall have the whole Town here gaping at us.

Sir Tho

Agreed, then we'll first to Supper, and then for a Rubbers at scam­pring. My Lord, we must desire your good Company.

La. Haz.

By all means.

L. Wor.

'Tis a Blessing I have Pray'd for.

Sir Tho.

Lead on then; George, handle your Mother-in-Law, and I'le take Water-wag-Tail, my Lord here's yours, Sas take Mrs. Raison, and let the Hus­band bring up the Rear.

Rais. stumbles on Flor.
Flor.

He had better lead the way, that he mayn't fall upon us.

Rais.

I think I ought to go first, as being the only Married Person among you: Besides, as I'm a Cuckold, I'm a single Man in this Company. Fidlers, Play Buffcoat, la, la, la.

Flor.

Well said, Mr. Raison—Madam, bear up, your Husband's good Company.

To Mrs. Rais.
Mrs. Rais.

What means this Devil?

Sir Tho.

Come, away with it, la, la, la.

Exeunt Singing, and the Musick Playing.

ACT III.

SCENE, The Park.

The Moon Shining: Enter Dorinda and Aunt.
Dor.

HAs not the Clock struck Eleven yet?

Aunt.

No, but 'tis very near it; I'le in, and wait my Lord's coming.

Dor.
Do.
Oh! Reveller! thou'rt slow, or I'me in haste,
Love should be still before hand with the time,
For 'tis a Thief that often Robs our Joys.
How tedious are the Moments of my Longing!
Whilst Worthy, at a years end, comes too fast.
Yet such a Slave I am to my Impatience,
That for one early Minute with my Love,
I'de meet an hour sooner what I hate.
Enter Reveller Drunk, follow'd by Mrs. Raison's Maid.
Y. Revel.

'Tis a fine Moon Shiny Night, much ado I have stole from my Com­pany, and much ado I have to manage my Footing, 3 Bumpers more had ren­dred me incapable of Crawling; now for this Mistress, it is the prettiest wit­tiest thing I ever met with; shine out thou Pale-Fac'd Bawd to Midnight Woo­ers; Blush if thou canst, to make thy Flame more chearful, for I will do a deed, if she will let me, shall make thy Cheeks glow, little Luna, and wish instead, of Lighting the World, thou wer't in her Condition of Peopling it; oh! th [...]re's Man's Meat already; has thy Blood, child, any simpathetical motion towards mine? if you expect a Lover, tell me? if not, leave the place for one that does? There's a convenient Pond at the lower end, if thou'rt in a Despairing Con­dition.

Dorin.

'Twere hard to be droun'd so near a good Harbour, would not that Flesh and Blood, you talk of, fling out a Rope to save me?

Y. Revel.

O, 'tis the Devil, I know the Instrument by the sound; well, Ma­dam, I know not whether you'l esteem it a Favour; but I have left Wit and Wine, Women and Wealth, to shew how much I am your Humble Servant.

Maid.

'Tis as my Mistress Raison suspected, and I'le acquaint her instantly.

[Aside.] Exit.
Dor.

Well, Sir, and I have neglected my Repose, ventur'd catching Cold, and run the hazard of a Parents fury; to bid you welcome.

Y. Revel.

So far we are upon the square; but how must I accost you? shall we chat easie and naturally, without the Cant of Romance, and Ridiculous Whine­ing, or must I open my Heroical Budget, for extravagant Raptures?

Dor.

Keep it shut, I beseech you, Sir; for as I desire no Lies, I expect no flights; let our Expressions be Cordial, whether they prove effectual or no; what a Condition the Knave's in! now Cunning help me.

Y. Revel.

Why then, as I hope to be Sav'd, and that's a Presumption—

Dor.

Hold, Sir, I must give you some Cautions; in the first place, I am a Maid, therefore talk Decently; in the next place, I am Honourable, therefore [Page 24] talk Respectfully; and thirdly, I am and will be Honest, therefore talk Vir­tuously.

Y. Revel.

Oh Lord! what Company hast thou betray'd me into? Virtuously and Honest! the very words have made me Sober; if I were Dying of a Hycop, the surprise of a Thumb Ring would destroy it.

Dor.
I'le try you, Sir.
For if I yield, I lose him after it,
It is the Pride of Man, with Oaths to win us,
And then with scorn he boasts his Treacherous Conquest.
Why should I for the Joys of one poor Night,
Create the Plague of Doating ever after?
Aside.
All Men despise what's given too willingly.
Y. Revel.
Child, I find we shall do no great matters,
I wish Thee and thy Honesty a good Nights Rest,
Such a Cold Couple can get nothing but Agues sure.
Dor.
Stay, Sir. I cannot part with him.
Goddess of Wisdome and of Beauty help me,
Pour all the Guiles and Graces of my Sex
Into my Face and Soul, but for an hour.
Diana, from thy Freezing Isicles
Of uninstructed harmless Chastity,
Send to his wanton Blood one drop to cool it,
That I may catch him in the Bonds of Honour,
And never more expose my self to lewdness.
Then will you go, Sir!
She Pulls him, and looks Amorously.
Y. Rev.

Why, what a charming look the Baggage gave me! Not if you talk within compass; I am pretty good natur'd, and can pass by what's said, upon condition, you don't Relapse; for look you, Child, Honour is as great a check to Love, as fear of being discover'd is when we're acting it.

Dor.
But how can you esteem what comes so cheap?
When there's no tye, where's the security?
You have a treacherous notion in your minds,
Which, on the least occasion, you improve;
Believeing, if we are seduc'd by one,
By the same Rule we may be kind to all:
But Marriage binds us by a sacred Oath,
And Reputation checks all Lawless Thoughts.
Y. Rev.

Look you, Madam, my Mother made me swear, upon her Death Bed, I never should be bound for any body.

Dor.

Tho' I know the Rogue lies, yet he pleases me:

(Aside)

But as great an Enemy as your Mother was to Wedlock, she was married to your Father, sure.

Y. Rev.

If I thought 'twould any ways add to the making her a Whore, I'de confess my self the Son of one. Why, Child, I think there was some such hug­ger mugger business, but that was to preserve an Estate from going out of the Fa­mily; 'twas a kind of an incestuous match, for they were Sisters Children; but Interest, Interest; now mine's a Love free from all such design: Our Fancies [Page 25] shan't be pall'd with cares of Wealth, of Cuckoldom, or chargeable Posterity.

Dor.

But nothing can be constant out of Wedlock.

Y. Rev.

No, nor in't neither, scarce, to my Knowledge. Wedlock may cover a sin, but 'twill never prevent one; and we have such an itch to be gadding when we're confin'd: Had our first Parents never been forbid, they had never been Curious. What makes men love eating abroad, when they may have it so much better and cheaper at home, only because it is home.

Dor.
Suppose you should gain Credit,
Would you for ever love, and never leave me?
Would you not covet still Variety,
And seek out some fresh Mistress to deceive?
Y. Rev.
Not I, by Heav'ns;
Thou hast Charms sufficient to secure a Heart,
Thy Wit's unimitable, thy Beauty matchless:
Nature was in thy Composition lavish.
Would Jove create a Mistress for himself,
He'd chuse thy Mould to Cast her in.
Dor.
Blessed Moment, he grows sober.
Y. Rev.
Think what a glorious pride will swell my Soul,
When I possess what none beside can purchase:
Thy Generosity will oblige my Faith,
And I must shame my self in wronging thee.
What Fool would run the hazard of a change,
When he's secur'd of certain happiness?
Dor.
Now Woman— Oh, you flatter!
This heat of Love comes from the zeal of Lust:
No Passion can be lasting that's so eager,
And when you've pleas'd your self, and ruin'd me,
You will forget as fast as you invented.
Y. Rev.
Desire can ne're forget what it must feed on;
Like Jealous Piety, I'll have the Figure
Drawn of the Saint I worship, to prevent it,
And to thy Shrine such hearty Offerings pay,
As no methodical dull Wife can merit.
Dor.
Then I've another Game to play.
Heat, heat his Blood, instead of cooling it,
That I may work his eager hopes to Love,
Then act a Virtue which shall tye him faster.
Y. Rev.
Our Joys shall be irregular, but often:
Despising a Domestick Decency;
And when we faint with Emulating Fondness,
As two hot Combatants wearied, not beaten,
Whose violence has dry'd and choak'd their Lungs,
Creep to some Spring to re-instate their Spirits,
I from thy Lips will take such Verdure in,
As shall relieve my droopy drowthy Soul,
And make me fiercer for the next Engagement.
Dor.
By Heav'n, if he persists I am undone,
[Page 26]His charming Tongue will blast my Stratagem;
And will ye swear? but what avails mens Oaths!
Forgot when the occasion's pass'd which urg'd 'em.
Y. Rev.
VVhat should I swear!
Dor.
Swear that you'l never marry whilst I live,
For that's the Rock our yielding Sex still splits on.
You to the Generous Mistress curse the snare,
But when you're tyr'd, make use on't to avoid her.
Y. Rev.
May Poverty and Jealousie attend me
The minute I prove false:
Come let's retire, and wind our selves in Bliss,
Tangle our Souls in Extasies unknown,
And drop into Confusion by consent.
By Heav'n, I'm sir'd, her every touch distracts me,
So over eager am I to possess her:
I fear the fierceness will destroy the Power.
Dor.
And will you ever love me?
Y. Rev.
Can I love Heav'n, Prosperity, or Content?
Oh do not drill me thus! but take me to thee,
Smother me in thy Arms with kind Convulsions,
And hug me to the utmost verge of Bliss.
Dor.
Stand off, Base Villain! thou Beastly part of man!
Thou glowing Satyr! got by some rank Devil.
Go to the Stews, vile thing! and make thy Choice;
Take Pleasure and Diseases both at once,
And scatter 'em through all the Strumpet-Tribe:
I loath thee for this wicked Supposition:
And all the noble Notions in my Soul,
Which crowded with a fondness to prefer thee,
I here dismiss, and in their Room admit
As base thoughts of thee, as thy intended Practice!
Y. Rev.

Stay, Madam; what an Apoplexy's here in the midst of Health You can but try me sure, and think this way to work me to a higher value for you.

Dor.
Touch me not, Monster!
If thou dost, I'll call for help; I fear'd thy Treachery, and have it near me.
Because I try'd thee with a seeming kindness,
Could'st thou believe so poor of me, to yield
On a first Conference? had I really doated,
So much I hate thy low esteem of me,
That thou'rt as much my scorn, as once my likeing.
Y. Rev.
Yet stay, Madam! by Heav'n, I cannot leave her!
There's something from her which has touch'd me nearly:
Stay, Madam!
And since I have committed such a Crime,
Let me gain Pardon, tho' I lose your Favour:
For mild discretion tells me I'm to blame,
And all those Charms, which when my Blood was warm
Entic'd me to a lewd imagination,
[Page 27]Now strike a Reverence upon my Soul:
'Twas cursed Wine! that Spirit of Assurance,
And Introducer of all Lawless thoughts,
That bred the mischief. I now am temperate,
Shame has destroy'd the Vice, and I am honest.
Dor.
Oh happy management!
How can I trust what has so lately wrong'd me?
If I forgive you, and you again relapse,
I am alone in fault.
Y. Rev.
By Heav'n I am as calm as a Platonick:
Thy Glorious Virtue has encreas'd that Flame,
Which after its lascivious heat had ended.
Propose a Remedy to heal this Breach,
And like expiring Mortals, fond of life,
I'll take in any thing that gives me hopes.
Enter Aunt and whispers Dorinda.
Dor.
No more, I'm call'd; keep steady in this Faith,
And you shall hear soon from me.
Y. Rev.

Will you not tell me when; that being full of the expecting Bliss, I may some comfort purchase, with the knowledge that every tedious hour that falls away, I have an Enemy the less?

Dor.

To morrow at the Wells: but be gone.

Y. Rev.

I cannot leave you.

Dor.

Nay offer not to watch me, but convince me of your love, by your o­bedience, and you shall know to morrow what I am.

Y. Rev.

Thou dearest, thou first I ever truly lov'd, adieu.

Exit.
Dor.
Thanks to my prosperous Art, I think I have thee.
Now to my Int'rest; how dull is all
That's coming, how dear was all that's past!
Yet I must seem to covet what I'd shun;
Oh what a curse 'tis, when for filthy Gain
We affect a Pleasure in a real Pain.
[Exit Dor.] Re-enter Reveller.
Y. Rev.

What the Devil ails me! or does the Devil govern me! my Blood's quite alter'd, and those loose desires, which never lik'd but for Conveniency, are chang'd to real Passion; my wanton Drunkenness turn'd to a sober Admira­tion, and I begin to fear I'm growing a downright dull, insipid, constant Lover! oh for some kind she to allay this mighty Fever, that I may snub this damn'd honest Inclination, before it gets the better of me.

Enter Mrs. Raison mask'd, in a Scarf.

Satan, I thank thee, here's a Petticoat I'm sure! I find wickedness will not be kick'd out this night, and my Constitution returns to its rambling Custom. Ma­dam!

Mrs. Rais.

Sir.

Y. Rev.

VVhat cruel accident can be the occasion of this solitary travelling so late?

Mrs. Rais.

VVhy, Sir, I am come to look after a lost Lover, who parting from me in a sullen humour, I fear has hang'd himself.

Y. Rev.

No, no, Child, never trouble thy Head about that, those Roman Gal­lantries are expir'd; but if thou would'st be throughly reveng'd on him for leaving thee, take up with me: I bear a tender Conscience to all distressed Damsels, and keep a particular Fund for Acts of Charity.

Mrs. Rais.
[Page 28]

Should all the distressed Damsels come to you for Relief, I believe you'd shut up your Exchequer quickly.

Y. Rev.

Look you, Madam, I am not the first Banker that has broke, when his Bills have come too thick upon him.

Mrs. Rais.

Say you so, Sir.

Vnmasks.
Y. Rev.

Mrs. Raison!

Mrs. Rais.

To your amazement, ungrateful, perjur'd Villain.

Y. Rev.

Oh, I find what this will come to, and thanks to my unknown Mi­stress, am pretty well provided for a Reconcilement: VVhat means this Fury, Madam?

Mrs. Rais.

Devil, canst thou ask that Question! The Lady you have had so long should know the meaning, could I find her out.

Y. Rev.

Now for a good Face to a bad Cause: I suppose, if you'd examine in­to't, you might easily find her out.

Mrs. Rais.

What says the Beast?

Y. Rev.

I do confess I am somewhat Brutify'd, but I have so much humanity left, to remember I tipt you the Wink when I left you, and you Leer'd, as much as to say, I'le follow you.

Mrs. Rais.

Was ever such impudence!

Y. Rev.

Was ever such forgetfulness! why; what the Devil, because I am Drunk, d'you, think I've lost my Sences? Did you not come presently after me, Masqu'd? and have you not been bantring me this hour, with a pretence I did not know you, tho' I call'd you by your name; and hinted some Particu­lars of our Familiarity? and did you not turn short from me at the upper end of the Walk, and run from me, and now here I have met you again?

Mrs. Rais.

This is beyond all Patience!

Y. Rev.

I'm sure I have shewn a great deal, in bearing what I speak of, and but I was thorughly convin'd it was you, and only a trick to try me, I would no more have saunter'd after you, than an old Courtier would have follow'd a Statesman out of favour.

Mrs. Rais.

Distraction! Did you not address to me as a fresh Woman?

Y. Rev.

Ay, that was when you us'd me like a fresh Man; trick for trick, Child, that's all: and since you have had your humour, come along and let me have mine.

Mrs. Rais.

And do you think I'le be satisfi'd thus?

Y. Rev.

No, no, I'le satisfie you better.

Mrs. Rais.

This won't do, Devil, I am so convinc'd of your Baseness, that—

Y. Rev.

[...]h, pox, too much is too much: Prithee don't drive the Jest so far neither; I can bear, you know by what's pass'd, but I gad the Worm will turn at last.

Mrs. Rais.

'Tis a folly to talk to him in this condition, I'le take the Morning to School him in; perhaps it might be some midnight Jilt watching for Prey, like a Polecat in a Warren, and my aproach might frighten her away.

Y. Rev.

Come, come, Child.

Mrs. Rais.

Whither, what d'you mean?

Y. Rev.

How silly that is; where's your Husband?

Mrs. Rais.

Why, your Father and he, with the Drugster, are all gone a Rambling into the Town: I expect none of my Wedlock Monster this night.

Y. Rev.

That's as much as to say I must take care of her. Well, we'll to my Lodging, you may get in early enough unseen the back way, as you use to do.

Mrs. Rais.

My Maid will take off that; but I shall catch my Death here, stand­ing so long in the Dew.

Y. Rev.
We'll go, My Dear. Claret I worship thee!
[Page 29]At last the injur'd Termagant's grown Civil,
A Drunken Impudence can out-face the Devil.
Exeunt.
SCENE continues the Park. Enter Sir Tho. Reveller, Raison, Sasaph. Drunk, Singing; with Musick, Servants with Wine.
All Sing.
There's nothing like a Brimmer,
To make the Heart full glad;
It chears the Soul,
Inspires all,
The Drunk are never sad.
Rais.

Sir Thomas, let's out-roar Thunder, be Lewder than Atheists, out-Swear a Gamester at the loss of his last Stake, out-drink a Cook i'th' Dog-days, be Saucyer than kept Whores to their Cullys, and Prouder than Constables at midnight.

Sir Tho.

Let's be as conceited as City Wits, vainer than City Wives, fon­der than City Husbands, and as great strangrs to our old Acquaintance, where­ever we meet 'em, as a new made Sherriff to his next Neighbour

Sasa.

Let's be frollicksome as Counsellors Clerks; and as Awkard as their Masters; make as much of our Whores as Presbyters in private, value discretion no more than our young Nobility. Let's commit Murder, that we may be com­pany for Gentlemen, and stalk as stately as a Foot Captain, when he marches through the City at the head of his Mirmidons, to relieve at the Tower.

Sir Tho.

Till by affecting what we are not capable of, we become as Redicu­lous as a dancing Judge.

Rais.

Well said, Sir Thomas, but where's this Son of your's?

Sir Tho.

Hang him, Rogue, he's stole home to some Whore I warrant him.

Rais.

A Pox take all Whores, say I.

Sas.

Thou hast reason, poor Cuckold. 'Tis a Heav'nly Moonshiny night. Some VVine, Rogues.

Servant's fill Wine.
Enter Constable and Watch.
Const.

Stand.

Rais.

And that's as much as we can.

Const.

VVho are ye?

Sas.

Drunkards, rich Fellows, and not over wise.

Const.

Oh, Sir Thomas, and Mr. Raison, good Morrow to you Gentlemen; you're upon the frolick, I see. Rest ye merry, Gentlemen; pray do no mis­chief, and be as Jovial as you please.

Sir. Tho.

Nay, drink the King's health, Mr. Constable.

Const.

If ye please, Gentlemen; come, Sirs, Heav'n bless him.

Drinks.
Watch.

Mayn't we pledge ye, Masters?

Sir Tho.

No, Vermine, no; there's Mony to swill malt with, Claret's as much out of your Element, as good Manners beyond your Understanding.

All Watch.

Bless ye, Masters.

Exeunt Const. and Watch.
Sas.

This Constable has more Sence, than ever I met with in any of his Tribe; some Rogues now would have provok'd a Quarrel, only for the Conveniency of their Watchmens stealing Hats and Perriwigs, and so forth.

Sir Tho.

The VVatch of Covent-Garden would no more have miss'd such an opportunity, than a Thief would slipping into a House, when the Door's open.

Rais.

There is one of those VVatchmen they say is a terrible Fellow, pray who is he?

Sir. Tho.
[Page 30]

VVhy, he's a Midnight Rakehel driver, that has Crack'd more Skulls, than ever Pavier thump'd Flints; there's not a scourer of any Reputa­tion, whose facetious Noddle has not had the Honour of being Dub'd with his Quarter Staff; he was never in the right, and yet always gets the better; he will sit you up three hours after his time to VVatch for Prey, and use you the worse for not coming sooner; and being an il-llook'd Fellow, he has a Pension from the Church-Wardens, for being Bullbeggar to all the froward Children in the Parish.

Rais.

A most notable Description: but your Son, Sir Thomas?

Sas.

Ay, your Son.

Sir. Tho.

Let's go and disturb the dog, and drown him in pint Glasses.

Sas.

Agreed, agreed. Play Cats-guts and Rossen.

(Exeunt Singing) There's nothing like a Brimmer.
SCENE, Y. Reveller's Lodging. Enter Mrs. Raison.
Mrs. Rais.

Well, Mr. Reveller, you're a wicked man; and were it not more out of a Motherly Affection, that you might come to no harm in your Drink, than any inclination or desire I have to your person, I swear I would not have come with you.

Y. Rev.

This will be the Cant when she rises in the morning; she never was with me in her life, but she told me 'twas to keep me from ill Women.

Mrs. Rais.

But I hope you are somewhat come to your self now?

Y. Rev.

I shall be, Child, when my Vapours are expell'd, the night's much wasted; come, we lose time.

A noise of Musick, Sir Tho. and the rest singing without.
Enter Servant.
Mrs. Rais.

Heav'ns, what noise is that? 'Tis your Father's Voice, and my Monsters!

Serv.

Sir, your Father's just coming up, with Mr. Raison and several others.

Y. Rev.

Go, get you in, lock the Door, and go to Bed, I'll send 'em away, I warrant you.

Mrs. Rais.

Don't drink no more, dear George, you'l be senceless if you do.

Y. Rev.

Don't fear it.

Puts her in.
Enter Sir Tho. Reveller, Sas. Rais. Musick, Servants with Wine, &c.
Sir Tho.
Sings.
A Pox of the Rogue that sneaks from his Wine,
And runs to a Daggle-tayl'd Whore;
May Nature be drowzy, and bawlk his design,
Or may he ne're drink any more.

How now, Rogue, how now Sculker, what leave your old Dad for a Whore? I never serv'd your Grandfather so, Sirrah.

Y. Rev.

Indeed, Sir, you were too hard for me. If I had drank any more, I should have forgot the duty of a Son, and have us'd you saucily.

Sir Tho.

Why, that's like most of the Sons of this Age, when we're old, they're the only young Fellows will keep company with us, and it's against their Wills too, only the respect of what we'll leave 'em obliges a little, so we're forc'd to wink at their wickedness to keep our own in Countenance.

Rais.

Ay, Sir Thomas, the greatest Seducers of Children now a days are the Parents; the Fathers for the Sons, and the Mothers for the Daughters.

Sir Tho.

And who are the greatest Seducers of Wives? old Race of Ginger.

Sas.

Batchelors, Sir Thomas, illustrious and free Batchelors.

Rais.
[Page 31]

Not of thy Age, Drugster; thou'rt as dry as the Ingredients of thy Trade, and hast no more Moisture in thee than a Potato.

Sas.

Well, had I any Children, they should never go to a Play-house, nor to Church.

Sir Tho.

Why so?

Sas.

Because they go to learn Wickedness at the one, and Hypocrisie, how to dissemble it, at the other.

Y. Rev.

Ay, but you may learn good at both, if you'l make a right Construction.

Sas.

Yes, you may be sober in a Tavern, if they'l bring you no Wine; but where there's Object, there's Temptation, and where there's Temptation, there's Desire, and where there's Desire, there's Uneasiness, and where there's Uneasi­ness, there's Impatience to be cured, and when there's Impatience to be cured, Adultery or Fornication's the only Remedy; so the Devil in the end's your Physician.

Sir Tho.

Well said, Sas. and since the Clergy on all sides are so fickle, I think that Layety wisest, that believes none of 'em; and now we are talking of Church Affairs, where's your Whore, you Dog?

Y. Rev.

Whore, Sir!

Sir Tho.

Ay, Sirrah, I'm sure you would not have run away, if there had not been a Whore in the case— therefore I'm resolv'd I will see her, and if I like her, I'll be better acquainted with her.

Rais.

Why, Sir Thomas, suppose your Son had a Woman with him, would you have so little Grace as to commit Incest?

Sir Tho.

Incest! that's a jest! for most of the younger Brothers about Town, are kept by their Fathers Whores, and I say I will see her.

Y. Rev.

Nay, pray Sir, you'l disturb—

Sir. Tho.

Ay, therefore I'll do't.

Y. Rev.

But, Sir, he is not well.

Sir Tho.

He, what he, Sirrah?

Y. Rev.

Why Sir, my Lord Worthy's Chaplain: who being in want of a Lodg­ing for this night, is within, in my Bed: He's a grave sober man, Sir, and you'l fright him out of his Wits.

Sir Tho.

How, a sober Fellow and a Nobleman's Chaplain, he's at Board­wages then; for where they command the Cellar, the Butler's never idle, and I will see this Miracle.

Y. Rev.

Nay, pray Sir. Mr. Raison and Mr. Sasaphras, I conjure you, by the Worth and Honour of Citizens, stand by me, and keep my Father out, or I am ruin'd for ever.

Rais.

Yes, George, you shall find we Citizens have Honour and Worth: Come, Sir Thomas, here's a Bumper to you.

Sas.

Agreed. Sir Thomas, your Inclinations.

Sir Tho.

They're in his Bed-Chamber, here's her Health. Drink you Dog, that we may be upon the square with her.

Drinks.

So, now I'll see her.

Offers to go in Rais. holds him.
Rais.

You shan't go in.

Sir. Tho.

Gad but I will.

Sas.

Faith but you shan't.

Sir Tho.

By the Hectors of Covent Garden.

Rais.

By the Members of Grocers Hall.

Sir. Tho.

Why, is not the Whore as free for me as for him?

Rais.
[Page 32]

Sir, I have given him the VVord of a Citizen to stand by him, and my [...]uncto will not allow me to violate the Honour of my Corporation.

Sir Tho.

Why, you Cuckoldy Dog, it may be your own Wife for ought you know.

Rais.

I care not if it were my Mother, and he were getting an Heir to dis­inherit me, he shall not be interrupted; and tho' I am as it were dead Drunk, yet I will stand by him, I say I will stand by him.

Falls down.
Sir Tho.

So suddenly fell the Walls of Jerico, and Joshua plunder'd the Town.

Y. Rev.

Mr. Sasaphras.

Sas.

Hold there, Sir Thomas, I stand in the Gap, and like the Bassa of Buda will dye in defending the place.

Saf. draws Y. Reveller's Sword, and stands between the door and Sir Thomas.
Sir Tho.

Why, what a Pox have we got a Hydra? No sooner one Head down, but another sprouts up? Why, dare you fight?

Sas.

Dare! 'ounds draw, come, for the Pass, yours or mine.

Sir Tho.

And hast thou really Courage?

Draws.
Sas.

Have you a Heart, Sir, try if I can hit it; come on, Sir, come on.

Sir. Tho.

Nay, if thou'rt so hot upon fighting, thou'rt no Citizen I'm sure; and considering how Captains and Lac'd Coats have been admir'd by Shopkeepers Wives, thou may'st be the hasty Off-spring of an Afternoon's Recreation in Moorfields.

Sas.

Come, Come, will you Tilt for this Lady?

Sir Tho.

No, I shan't do like the Fools now a days; Tilt for a Whore I don't know; Come Sirrah, since I must not see her,

Puts up.

tho' I am sure it is Raison's Wife —

Rais.

I care not, I'll stand by him.

Sir Tho.

What Liquor have you? have you any Cherry, Sirra? Cherry, the Comfort of midnight.

Y. Rev.

Yes, Sir.

Sir Tho.

Fetch it then; three Beer Glasses of Cherry, Sirrah.

Sas.

Ay, now you say something.

Puts up.
Sir Tho.

He had as good let me see her, for I'll debilitate him so with Brandy, he shall be useless to her.

Enter Servant with three large Glasses of Cherry Brandy.

Hold, let me tast 'em all, to know if the Rogue has not palm'd something else for his Master. Sincere and Spiritual, a conceal'd Body, and yet a considerable

Tasts.

Body too. Come, to the Memory of our poor Brother departed.

Sas.

Agreed.

Sir Tho.

So, now George, fall to your Lady, and if the Brandy does its part, I think thou wilt faulter in thine.

Sas.

Take care of the good Man, George, for the good Woman's sake.

Y. Rev.

I warrant you; ten thousand thanks.

Sir Tho.

Sirrah, remember this when I have a Wench. Strike up; A Pox of the Rogue that runs, &c.

Ex. Sir Tho. Sas. and Musick.
Y Rev.

Now to the Female; if fear has not kill'd her. Sirrah, draw Raison into your Room, and take care he peeps not out in the morning, till all's safe.

Each Whoremaster his Cuckold thus o're-powers,
We make 'em Drunk, and then their Wives are ours.
Servant takes up Raison, who all the while cries, I'll stand by him.
Ex.

ACT IV.

SCENE I. Dorinda's Apartment.

Enter Lord Worthy and Dorinda.
Lo. Wor.

MY dear Dorinda Darling of my sences, how sweet is Love after so long an absence; my hours have been as troublesome without thee as they have been delighted in being with thee; nor will I ever travail more for Knowledge; my utmost Study Center'd still in thee; I have wandered like a Child without my Guide, follow'd the Notion of improving Arts, when I had left my Natural Genius here.

Dor.

My Lord, you know you are welcome to these arms, but if the separation was so tedious to you who've had such vast variety of Countrys and of Courts, of all that's worthy the pursuit of Fancy, think how uneasy has been my solitude: no object, Entertainment or acquaintance, nothing diverting to deceive the time, my prospect limited, my measures fix'd, nothing but Lectures from a peevish Aunt; nay had I not been bless'd with constant Letters, which satisfied me that my Lord was safe, I must have sunk beneath the sad restraint.

Lo. Wor.

I'le study how to recompence thy patience; the generous compli­ance thou hast shewn in thy submission to my Jealous Love, (the dread of loosing thee inflicted it) but I'm united now for ever here, nor will I e're torment thee more with absence; great Natures utmost Curiosity can never match Dorinda's full perfections.

Dor.

Oh tedious Raptures and Insipid Eloquence,

aside.

Be constant to your words and I am happy, but you were saying you must go to London.

Lo. Wor.

My Love.

Dor.

I say if you do go to London do not stay long, may I expect you back at Dinner?

Lo. Wor.

I have Accounts to settle, Bills to receive, things to look after that belong to thee, some Presents.

Dor.

Presents, alas! you'r all I covet.

Lo. Wor.

No, my Delight, I have brought o're some toys, some Silks, and Points; still what I saw that might adorn my Love, I pick'd up by degrees in Travelling, to let you know you never was from hence.

Dor.

But be sure you come at Night.

Lo. Wor.

Will the Night come think'st thou I could stay from thee, but I'le not leave thee yet.

Dor.

Nay, then you'l be so late you'l not come home; the earlyer you are there, the sooner you'l be here.

Lo. Wor.

And won't you take it ill I leave you?

Dor.

Unkind suspition, can I pretend to love and be displeas'd at ought is for my Lords conveniency.

Lo. Wor.

Blessings upon thee, adiew then for a while.

Dor.
[Page 34]

Be sure you think upon me.

Lo. Wor.

My Soul is useless when not employed on thee my Life.

Dor.

My hearts Devotion.

Lo. Wor.

I cannot stir whilst I behold thee.

Dor.

You shall not stay to Prejudice your Business.

she seems to hug him, and all the while drives him towards the door.
Lo. Wor.

At Night my Love betimes.

Dor.

Forgot not.

Lo. Wor.

I warrant you.

Exit Wor.
Dor.

He's gone and all this day is mine: within there, Aunt.

Enter Aunt.
Aunt.

What's my Lord gone?

Dor.

To London, put on your hood and scarfe, and get me mine, 'tis a fine [...] I'le to the Wells.

[...]

And will you still pursue this Reveller, you will Repent.

Dor.

Peace, manage for thy own ends I'm resolv'd, if you'l stay at home you may; who waits? get the Chariot ready.

Aunt.

Well, Heaven direct all for the best.

Dor.
Thus the Gallant is by the Mistress Rul'd,
Whilst by some other Lover she is Fool'd.
Exit.
Aunt.

What will this come to? here is nothing but Destruction to be look'd for; In Fine, I'le e'n tell the Gentleman downright who and what she is, better he should have her any way then marry her, for the Treason must out, and then she's undone, he can never forgive her, nay what's worse I shall be turn'd a starving, I can't work, and we Antient Gentlewomen that live upon the Sins of our Relations are very ill qualifyed to get a penny in the fear of Grace. Well, take warning by me good Dames, for it is not only an ill thing in being accessary to the Debauching your Kindred; but it is a provoking thing to see Young Girls partake of what we cannot.

Exit.

SCENE II. A Garden; In the middle Debtford-Wells.

Enter severall as drinking the Waters, Florella and Violante.
Flor.

Well, I am satisfyed, my Roving-Rascall Reveller and Mrs. Raison have been together this Night, I watch'd her stealing in this morning at five a Clock, and I do not know of any other Lover she has here about.

Viol.

I suppose my Lord and he have not separated whatever adventure they've had, well I wish I had not seen him.

Flor.

Why so? You must have somebody, and why not him; he's a pretty Gentleman, and besides a Lord, and that you know goes a great way with a Merchants Daughter; most of our young Nobility by the Extravagance of their Fathers are left very inconsiderable in their Fortunes; so their quality being necessitated for money, and our Citizens Ambitious of Honour, many a [Page 35] Title has been kept up by the Pride of a Tradesman, who never values what he gives for a Nobleman to his Son in Law.

Viol.

'Tis true, and interest is so absolute, and Poverty so pressing, that a Taylor who can but get a Considerable Estate, need not despair of seeing his Daughter dye a Countess.

Flor.

Well Sir Thomas has told us what pass'd between him and his Son last Night, our shifting of cloaths may conceal us, and I am resolv'd to teaze him, and all the fools that talk to me this Morning, as far as the Spleen of a Jealous Mistress can reach.

Viol.

Agreed, we shall have variety of game presently, the Coxcombs thicken already.

Enter Sir Willian Thoughtless and Captain Bounce.
Sr. Will.

Bounce, come along, ha! A brace of Tit [...] Lasses yonder let's make up to 'em—how do you Ladyes, why this Melancholly Velvet upon such fair Complexions, has the Chillness of the Waters made the Roses on your cheeks to fade, or has their Influence rudely press'd upon the tip of your Noses and made 'em bleak and sharp?

Viol.

How ever sharp they have made our Noses they have had no effects upon your understanding, for your Language is as Ridiculous as your Person.

Cap. Bou.

Prithee Sir William let's seek some other game, these have better tongues then our usuall acquaintance.

Sr. Will.

No gad, my stock of Raillery's not out yet.

Viol.

I believe you may put it all into a sentence, and not be out of Breath with the Delivery.

Sr. Will.

Why gad, I love to talk with Vizards mightily, for we have the Pri­viledge of Railing as much as we please.

Flor.

Without running the danger of being beaten for it.

Sr. Will.

Why, pull off your Masque and I'le be Civill.

Viol.

If I were sure the sight of my face would frighten you away I would.

Sr. Will.

Why, you don't know but it may, I have known many a pleasant Tongue belong to a Damnable ugly Face.

Viol.

I see a very indifferent Face that belongs to a Foolish Tongue.

Flor.

So we have the pleasure of being convinc'd and leaving your Worship in doubt.

Sr. Will.

Damn me, I believe you're antient, your Features are expir'd and your Face is in Mourning for 'em.

Cap. Bou.

Well said Knight, my dear Sir William Thoughtless, Ounds, if she answers that, I'le allow her a Wit.

Viol.

Or you'd be allow'd no spunger, is he your Probatum est, bound to flat­ter a Fool or dine with the Servants.

Sr. Will.

Answer me to what I reparteed upon your Masque, and gad take me I'le kiss you.

Viol.

No, I wear it on purpose to keep flys from my Face.

Sr. Will.

Flys Madam; why I am a Knight.

Viol.
[Page 36]

The best excuse in the World for a Blockhead; tell but your Title before-hand Sir Knight, and no body will be surpriz'd with your Conversation.

Sr. Will.

I must go now Bounce, my Wit's quite gone, I have but one thing more to say.

Bou.

Ease your self, and let's depart.

Sr. Will.

Gad, I believe for all your fine Cloaths you'r but Servant-Maids in your Ladyes Apparell.

Flor.

That's the Constant Cant of the Chitts at the Chocolet-House, where, as they receive Favours from nothing but Chamber-maids and Trulls, they abuse all that are above 'em, how long have you haunted that Nursery of Fools?

Sr. Will.

Ever since it was the Rendevouz for Whores—that was a smart one, faith; and if I have not seen there, I'm sure I shall childe, come Bounce.

Cap. Bou.

Buy Bulkers.

Viol.

Buy Bully.

Cap. Bou.

'Sdeath if your Lover were here, he should finde—

Viol.

None of you I'm sure—but yonder he comes.

Enter at the upper end of the Stage Y. Revel. and L. Worthy.
Cap. Boun.

Let him follow me if he dare.

Viol.

He can't spare so much time Sir, I believe, but if you'l stay a minute.

Boun.

I, Damme I'le wait for no man.

Exit singing.
Flor.

Look you Sister yonder comes our Sparks, my Lover looks a little hea­vy for want of sleep; Prithee let's slip into the Crowd and observe what fe­male Flag they'l first strike to.

Exit.
L. Wor.

Faith George, this was a narrow escape, had the Old fellow satisfyed his Curiosity you had been in a scurvy Condition.

Y. Reve.

Thanks to the kinde husband and Drugster, my Credit is yet safe, but see here comes the old Gentleman with my two Champions.

Enter Sr. Tho. Raison and Sasa.
Rais.

Well, I Protest Sr. Thomas there's no Living with you at this Rate, adsheartlikins, two more such nights would kill me out-right, my Constituti­on will never bear it.

Sr. Tho.
Then I'de never bear such a Constitution.
When I can Drink no more I hope to dye,
For without Drink Lifes a Dull Property.
L. Wor.

Sr. Thomas, good morrow.

Sr. Tho.

Ah my Lord Worthy, gad take me you'r a Flincher, tho'—you serv'd us somewhat basely last night, faith I am sorry to see a young Nobleman that has no Dependance on the Government, sip like a Minister of State that has his Fortunes to make out on't.

L. Wor.

Really Sr Thomas you must excuse me, I was so weary Riding Post, that I could not help it but I'le make amends speedily.

Sr. Tho.

But here's a Dog that left us too, Sirra, Sirra, somebody stay'd [Page 37] out till 6. this morning; pray my L. where did your Chaplain lye last night.

L. Wor.

Chaplain, Sr. Thomas, I have none.

Sr. Tho.

Ha! George good boy George, oh Pretty George.

Sings
At Westminster a sight was Known,
The Like was never heard,
A Judge that never wore a Gown,
And a Bishop without a Beard.

Oh Rare George—why Sirra, you Cursed Villain, what do you think will be­come of your Soul, Sirra, to stand in such a Lye to your own Father, and lay your Sins upon the Church you Dog, as if they had not enough to answer for of their own.

Sas.

Pray my Lord take him off.

L. Wor.

Well Sr. Thomas to night I give a Ball or a sort of a Masquerade at my Lady Hazards, and will fetch up lost time: I must only go up to London on some urgent business, and will be with you in the Evening without fail; Gentlemen till then your Servant.

Sas. and Rais.

We'l prepare for you, my Lord.

Enter at one side of the Stage Dor. and Aunt; at the other Flor. and Viol. Mrs Rais, &c.
Sr. Tho

Why what an abundance of Whores-flesh is here; Landlord and Drugster let's have a Brush with 'em, I am hot-headed and can talk smartly.

Rais.

I feel the Spirit of Scandal a little provoking in me too.

Sas.

Let us Join, and Combine— We'l make 'em Repine, as Satyr so fine, —Our Wit shall out-shine—their Faces Divine—and we'l sing the Praise the Praise of good Wine.

Dor.

That's Reveller and his Father; what women are they? they'r making up, I think my Lady Hazards Daughters, Let us observe.

Y. Revel.

Ladys.

Sr. Tho.

Jackanapes, after me's manners Sirra, why what will you Ingross the Women both at home and abroad?

Y. Revel.

Nay Sir here's more game, there's no occasion for Confinement in this place.

going.
Sr. Tho.

Rogue, I will make you stay here, and if you speak with any Wo­man till I have done with her, I'le break your head.

Viol.

Is this Gentleman your Tutor Sir, that he bears so strict a hand over you?

Y. Revel.

He is my Father Madam, as to the begetting me; but an utter Stran­ger as to the maintenance of me.

Sr. Tho.

He was my Son Madam, when he was in his virtuous Teens, but since the Devil has stampt him one and Twenty, alas a day he has out-Sin'd me like an Elder Brother.

Y. Revel.

I may out-sin you like an Elder Brother, but as to Estate I'm sure I'm the younger.

Viol.

What, is the Gentleman of Age, and worth nothing Sir?

Sr. Tho.

There's a Thousand such Gentlemen about this Town Madam; [Page 38] why what Sirra would you have my estate before I'm Dead?—when I'm dead he shall have all Madam, I can't live much above 40. years longer.

Flor.

And then he'l be as much past the Pleasure of enjoying it as you are now that have it.

Sr. Tho.

I past the Pleasure, adsheartlikins, if you dare venture, you shall finde I can play on Taber and Fife still, Madam.

Rais

Old Instruments are a long time a tuning, Madam.

Viol.

D'you speak for your self or the Gentleman Sir?

Sas.

Prithee stand by, marryed man, what says your Ladyship to me Madam?

Viol.

You Sir, why who are you?

Sas.

Who am I, Madam, a Reverend Alderman of the City of London.

Viol.

What, one that lends money upon Acts of Parliament, manages Juries in your Ward, and snacks with the Sheriff, give Courtiers Credit in hopes of Getting Employments, Bribe Common-councill-men, Cheat Orphans, and spunge Dinners all the year round at my Lord-Mayors Table.

Sr. Tho.

Well whistled black-bird, a notable Baggage, and a Whore by her wit; Childe if thou likest me, I will disinherit my Son & Settle all upon thee.

Viol.

Faith Sr. Thomas that would be a sure way to settle all upon your Son, for I like him so well I should give him every groat.

Sr. Tho.

Pox on me for a Fool to make Love, and this young Dog present: Get you gone you Rogue, do'nt Dangle after me thus you booby, are you not able to walk alone and be hang'd, get you gone and be hang'd.

Dor. beckons Y. Revell.
Flor.

Observe him Sister with that Woman whom I will have Dogg'd, 'tis the same he talk'd with yesterday. But Sr. Thomas I hear you are to be marry­ed to my Lady Hazard, and methinks this is not a very good sign of living Virtuously.

Sr. Tho.

Ay Madam, I may marry her, but may love none but you.

Flor.

But Sr. Thomas, pray let us observe your Son.

Sr. Tho.

Hang him Rogue, an Inconstant Dog, a faithless Villain.

Mrs Rais.

So those are Florella and Violante, but who is that my false Vil­lain's so hot upon?

Rais.

Prithee Let us make up to yonder Woman, I finde these are too hard for us.

Sas.

Thou mayst if thou wilt, but I gad I'le speak no more to the Sex.

Rais.

Pray if a man may be so hold what come you here for?

Mrs Rais.

Not to talk with Fools.

Sas.

Prithee Raison let's give over making love; adsheart, a Citizen making love is as ridiculous as a Parson making Legs, I'le go to the Coffee-Room, Smoak a Pipe, and Drink a glass of Mum.

Rais.

Agreed, where like true tradesmen we'l seem Politick, 'tho we know nothing.

Exit Sas. and Rais to Dorinda.
Y. Revel.

This is a happiness I could not expect.

Dor.

I'm sure you don't deserve it, I finde all Women are welcome to you.

Y. Revel.

Only to pass away the time with Madam, men may Divert them­selves with several Women, but only one can make 'em truly happy.

Dor.
[Page 39]

And how many of those ones have you said this to?

Y. Rev.

As I never was really in Love till now, I never had occasion for the Expression before.

Dor.

Do you not know those Women you talkt to?

Y. Rev.

No.

Dor.

Your Love is blinde indeed when only a strange Petticoat can cheat you of your Mistriss.

Y. Rev.

Upon honour I know 'em not.

Dor.

They'r my Lady Hazards Daughters.

Y. Rev.

Indeed.

Dor.

Nay this is over-acted.

Y Rev.

By Heaven and Earth I know 'em not.

Dor.

The Youngest I hear is the Ruler of your affections.

Y. Rev.

I must confess, Madam, till I saw you I had a hankering that way, she has a very considerable Fortune, which in my Circumstances was very Prevailing.

Dor.

Besides their Father was Lord-Mayor of London, their Mother I hear was a Court-Laundress, & being given to blab betray'd the Intrigue of a great Man to his Wife, and was Casheir'd, but having Purchas'd an Interest for for­mer Service, got Hazard Knighted, and marryed him.

Y. Rev.

You are better acquainted with the Family then I am.

Dor.

But 15000l. makes amends for all faults in Parentage, and the Chil­dren are as acceptable as the best born.

Y. Rev.

Faith Madam, so fa [...] I must justify 'em, that they Deserve better Fa­milies, for their Accomplishments will give 'em Titles without their Fortunes to Noble blood, nor would the most honourable blush to own 'em.

Dor.

You speak like a man of honour Sir, but we are observ'd, you must dine with me to day.

Y. Rev.

Blessings upon you.

Dor.

Be in the Park at one of the clock, I'le send to you.

Y. Rev.

Must you go soon?

Dor.

Immediately; they'r making up to us; I suppose I have rais'd the La­dys Jealousy, and she has a minde to have a fling at me.

Flor.

Why how now Mr. Reveller you'r the favourite of our whole Sex, I finde the Lady's Inclining.

Dor.

'Tis but your Leavings Madam, she must have charms indeed that can pretend to raise the seige you've laid.

Flor.

The Fort is of no great Consequence nor Worth much trouble, when it is willing to yield to such things.

Dor.

That's Florella I'm sure, I know it by that despicable speech;—I'le fret her more, I love as much as the, am equally malicious, and will try the Wit she's fam'd for.

aside
Y. Rev.

Faith Ladys I'm not stubborn, the fairest in Conditions I give up to, and she who thinks best of me now may have me.

Dor.

The Ladys silence tells you she's indifferent; if you stand good to what we have agreed on we'l Seal Articles when next we meet; and if this Ladys [Page 40] face has no more charms then her tongue, I dare trust you alone with her, without one Jealous pang.

Flor.

Pray take your spark with you Madam, for if you should relapse, 'twill save you the trouble of coming back again and being Laugh'd at.

Dor.

I have so much good nature Madam, that I had rather make you laugh by coming for him again, then weep by taking him from you now.

Viol.

Mr. Reveller take the Lady home with you for shame, and put on clean linnen both; 'tis mightily fullyed with last nights Rambling.

Dor.

'Tis Whiter now then ever your Mother wash'd, and finer then ever her Children wore when the Father was Lord-Mayor and made 'em ride in his Pageants to save charges.

Exit Dorinda.
Flor.

Devill, does she know us?

Sr. Tho.

A Tite Baggage by the Sons of Apollo: now Madam I hape I may go down with you.

Viol.

I'le ask my mother Sr. Thomas;

Vnmasques.
Flor.

And I'le tell Florella how constant you are.

Vnmasques to Y. Rev.
Y. Rev.

Oh your Servant, d'you think I did not know you.

Sr. Tho.

Here's fine work.

Viol.

O yes, and so did your Father:

Sr. Tho.

Now Impudence, I gad, and so I did Kirlins, and rallyed according­ly, did not I George, Lye Lustily you Dog, and I'le be familiar with you for a fortnight.

Y. Rev.

Why Sr. Thomas told me of you Ladys, saw when you came out, and we set you accordingly.

Flor.

This will not do sweet Mr. Sly, therefore follow your Damsell and trouble me no more.

Viol.

Is this the Lady that was with you last night when Mr. Raison stood Centinell to Secure the pass from your Father?

Flor.

Good man, we saw the Wife come in this morning, and he following an hour after, and begging pardon for his slaying out so Wickedly, but said it was to preserve a Lady from the sight of Sr. Thomas who would have forc'd her from his Son.

Sr. Tho.

Well said Waggtails.

Y. Rev.

Well Madam, then you see there are those that will be less shy of their Persons and not so severe with their tongues.

Flor.

And the fittest for your Purpose.

Enter several Women Sr. William Thought, Cap. Bounce, two or three Beaux, &c.
Y. Rev.

Well Madam, if I have but Patience, I finde here's encouragement for Chapmen of my nature: When you Celebrated Beauties are gone, I may have hopes among some of the ordinary sort.

Flor.

Yes you may make Love as the poor go to market; when the Choice is bought up, you'l have the better Pennyworth in the fragments.

Sr. Tho.

Sirra, Sirra, she's too hard for you, give over while you'r well, [Page 41] for she'l make as great an Ass of thee at Board, as she would of me in bed.

Y. Rev.

In Language and in Love the females are allways too hard for us, they will have the last blow, but I'le leave you to take up the Cudgels.

Sr. Tho.

No, hold there Sirra, if they make so little of you, they'l make nothing of me presently.

Flor.

Well said Sr. Thomas, don't let him go.

Y. Rev.

Madam I have an appointment

Sr. Tho.

Therefore you shan't go you dog.

Y. Rev.

Sr. there is an old saying, never spoil sport, and so forth.

Sr. Tho.

I know it Rogue, I know it; but I am like Rivals; when one is despis'd, let him do all he can to hinder the other.

Viol.

Adsme Sr. Thomas, yonder's some London Sparks come down this morn­ing, some City things and Covent-Garden Beaux, pray let's rally a little with 'em.

Flor.

Ay but let Sr. Thomas and his Son be within call, for they say your Beaux when they cannot talk with a woman are apt to Beat 'em.

Y. Rev.

Not when they've a man with 'em; indeed when they'r alone they'r like Hackney-Coachmen, if they wont come to their terms they'l unrig 'em.

Sr. Tho

How d'you Miss? do you come to take the Waters in hopes of being fruitfull, or to destroy some Unlawfull Conception?

Masque.

Neither, I came to satisfy my sight with Sr. Thomas-Reveller.

Sr. Tho.

With me Childe, I gad I'm a Noun-Substantive, and am to be seen, felt, heard or understood; prithee Child let's walk off a little, and be better inform'd of each Other.

Sr. Thomas and Masque goes to the upper end of the Stage, Mrs Raison takes Y. Reveller aside, the Beaux come down to Florella and Violante.
1. Beaux.

Madam, will you please to eat some Sweet-meats, they'l expell the Winde and take off the coldness of the Waters.

Viol.

I thank you Sir, but I never drink any.

1. Beaux.

The better hopes for a Lover, if your Spirits are not chill'd; Madam I should be happy to be warm in such Comfortable Inclinations as your Ladyship is able to bless me with.

Viol.

Indeed Sir, my inclinations are as Comfortless as the Waters you speak of, for I'm troubled with a fit of the Spleen, and desire to be in private.

1. Beaux.

I should be accessary to your disquiet to encourage your melan­cholly by leaving you, and there—

Viol.

You will be accessary to your being ill-used if you encourage your Impertinence.

1. Beaux.

Ah Madam, we Lovers and Pilgrims in the Devotion of the fair Sex, must bear much More, the feircer you are at first in your Indignation, the fonder you are at last of an Assignation.

2. Beaux.

Rot her, let her depart, she'l follow us anon.

Viol.

For what, your charity, Let me alone till that time comes, and you'l oblige me.

Sr. Will. to Flor.
[Page 38] [...][Page 39] [...][Page 40] [...][Page 41] [...][Page 42]

Madam, Madam, this will not pass upon me.

Flor.

No Sir, nor you upon me, I told you my minde before.

Sr. Will.

P'shaw, Pox, I know thee well enough; come, come, unmasque, & let's be familiar as we have been.

Flor.

What d'you take me for one of the Orange Wenches at the Play-house, that fasten upon every fool they meet with.

Viol.

And disturb the rest of the Audience with their nauseous Impudent behaviour.

2. Beaux.

I protest I think the Ladys are somewhat in the right of that, those Creatures are very Ignominious, and I see 'em encourag'd by great persons, & I think it a Scandalous object to see Quality condescend to be familiar with the Spawn of a Gostermonger.

Flor.

Do you use the Play-house much, Sir?

2. Beaux.

Out of Gratitude to the Ladys, Madam, who are Pleas'd to bestow many favours on me by the Way of Ogle, Fan, the Language of the fingers, I am mightily Envy'd by the men, and have Observ'd that whenever there is a­ny Jest in a Play Relating to a neat cleanly slender well-shap'd man, the whole Audience have turn'd upon me, and maliciously ridicul'd the Perfections they could not not attain to.

Sr. Will.

Pox o' this Puppy Madam.

Flor.

Nay pray, Sister, let's humour this fool and seem fond of him.

Viol.

Ay Sir there are abundance of those Envious fellows who are in their hearts as much Beaux as the most eminent, and only rail at others because they are not Lik'd themselves.

2. Beaux.

There are so Madam, but 'tis a harder thing to be a Beaux then they Imagine.

Viol.

Pray Sir, what are the Ingredients I beseech you which accomplish so fine a Person?

2. Beaux.

Oh your Servant Dear Madam: why in the first place, he must have a very white hand; if it be not so by nature, he must make it so by Art, and he must be constantly taking Snuff or picking his teeth.

Viol.

Before or after Dinner Sir.

2. Beaux.

No matter which, it is not that there is occasion for picking his teeth, but it gives an opportunity of shewing the beauty of the skin; he must avoid all Wine for fear of Pimples; he ought to have a mighty sweet breath; but that very few Beaux have, they ruine 'em all with Cashaw; he must keep in upon Windy days, never miss Covent-Garden prayer, and if he receives visits in Bed he must lye in his Perewig.

Flor.

And pray Sir —

Sr. Will.

Gad take me Madam, I knew a Beaux once that flux'd for a Com­plexion.

Viol.

But how d'you pass away the time?

2. Beaux.

Why Madam, it never lyes heavy on our hands, we have hourly so many billet Deux from Ladys, that we are almost work'd off our Legs; you never saw a Beaux with a full Leg. But really now and then the Knavish Wits at Wills Coffee-house will direct Letters for us as from Women, appoint a [Page 43] meeting too, and make us sit sometimes in a Hackney-coach six or seven hours in the Cold, and the Devil of any Soul comes near us.

Sr. Will.

Pshaw, pox o'these Beaux they'r damn'd poor Rogues, the little stock they have goes all to Perewig-makers and Washer-women, come Child lets to the Ship, where wo'l have a rich Dinner, Fidles, & mirth in abundance.

Flor.

Sir I thank you, but I like this Company much better.

Sr. Will.

Why, they have not wherewithall to make thee Drink childe, they're as penuyless as a Jew on his Sabbath; come along Lasses, I'le provide ye—

Flor.

No rudeness Sir.

2. Bea.

Pray Sir desist.

Sr. Will.

Damn me, not I.

Pulling Florella
Viol.

What Insolence is this?

Bonn.

Be civill, or I shall unrig.

Pulling Violante.
Sr. Will.

Nay, nay, come along.

Flor.

Fools.

Beaux pull.
Sr. Will.

Gilt, this shan't do.

2. Bea.

If you dare go out Sir.

Sr. Will.

I shall wish this Lady.

Viol.

Mr. Reveller.

Y. Rev.

Nay Gentlemen, be not boysterous to so tender a Sex, but let 'em go.

strikes Bouns Arm.
Boun.

Ounds what d'you mean?

Y. Rev.

I'le tell you Rascalls, come Beaux, fools

strikes all their arms

and Bullys, seek for Company that's sitting for you.

off from the Ladys.
Sr. Will.

S'death shall I draw Bounce?

Boun.

Do, 'tis but retiring, I warrant he shan't hurt us.

2. Bea.

Sr. this affront.

Y. Rev.

Asses.

Sr. Will.

You're a Son of a Whore.

They all draw upon Rev. the Women run out crying Murder.
Enter Sr. Thomas, Sas. and Rais.
Sr. Tho.

What's here 4. upon one, Courage George, Rascalls.

Sas.

For the honour of the 12 Companies.

beat 'em off, Rais gets behinde▪ Sas. and fights over his head.
Re-enter Sr. Tho. Sas. and Raison.
Sr. Tho.

S'death, the Rogues heels are as nimble as their tongues.

Sas.

Beaux d'you call 'em, I have bounc'd one of 'em, I have made his head ring, I warrant him, I wonder at the Impudence of these fellows that would Engross all the women to themselves, and dare not look a man in the face.

Rais.

We should have fine work this Summer if our Fleet were man'd with such.

Sr. Tho.
[Page 44]

P'shaw, pox, these are bastard Beaux, Councellors Clerks kept by their Mistresses, and palm'd upon us at Epsome, and these places for Gen­tlemen; I know abundance of very honest hearty fellows they call Beaux, who setting by their blinde side of being a little over-neat will be Drunk with their friends, fight for their friends, pimp for their friends, and do what friends ought to do; But these are Scoundrells, awkard things of your Chocolet-house that depend upon Ordinarys, and go to Twelve with a Cha­ritable man at the Groom-Porters, Beaux to day and beggars to morrow, for whose coming into the World no man e're rejoyc'd, or for whose going out any will ever Greive.

Sas.

I have seen these spruce Tits look as Scornfully and [...] [...]ur upon a plain dress'd Country-Gentleman as a Grumbletonian upon a [...] man that has taken the Oaths—but neighbour Raison what made you keep [...]o behinde me all the fray, and push me forward?

Rais.

Why in case you had been run thorough, I had been ready to have carryed you off in my arms.

Sas.

A pox of your Civility, but 'tis much better as 'tis.

Sr. Tho.

But come let's after these baggages to dinner, where if occasion be, you must vouch for me.

Sas.

In what?

Sr. Tho.

Why that I knew Florella and Violante for all their Masques.

Sas.

Why, were those they you talk'd to?

Sr. Tho.

Ay, I gad, stand by me or the mother will give me over else, can you swear heartily?

Rais.

Are we not tradesmen, what a question's that to a Shop-keeper?

Exeunt.

SCENE III. The Park.

Enter Young Reveller.
Y. Rev.

I am Punctuall to my time, 'tis just one by the Sun-dyall, if this Lady should convince me, she is honest, and has a fortune, I might be fool enough to Love her in good earnest; and that would be a Rascally trick to Florella; she has Youth, Wit, Beauty and money; this has Youth, more wit, and Beauty, and may have more mony: I but Florella was my first Mistriss; well, but this is my first Love, I only like the other as yet, Pox on't I'le not trouble my self with the Puncto of the matter, Let the Stars take their Course and fortune use her Pleasure.

Enter Aunt.
Aunt.

Mr. Reveller.

Y. Rev.

Here my little Peter of Paradice may I enter?

Aunt.

follow me.

Y. Rev.

Till I'm weary on so good an errand.

Exit Aunt and Y. Revell.

SCENE IV. Dorinda's Apartment.

Dor.

Now to my Lover, this Intrigue 'twixt him and Florella I would feign break off, I have consider'd and weigh'd every thing, and upon second thoughts Promise my self more security and satisfaction in Reveller as a Lo­ver then a husband, for howsoever fond he may seem, nay, even to marriage, when I am known as I must be, nothing but Destruction can be my reward; however I'le so order it that he shall think the Conquest worth his Labour, and fancy he's the Only victor here.

Enter Aunt and Y. Reveller.

Are you not much Surpriz'd Sir at my boldness? will not my freedom make me less esteem'd? men ought to Wooe.

Y. Rev.

They do so always when they are encourag'd, but where they are approv'd and know it not, they cannot justly sure be thought the worse of: Errors of Ignorance are most excusable, fools often fancy all that sees 'em Loves, but Prudent men their Imperfections know and give no way to such self-flattery.

Dor.

But men too often when they think they are Lik'd affect a negli­gence of what esteems 'em: You're naturally vain without occasion, but on the least advantage most Intollerable; many pretend to favours ne're re­ceiv'd, others regardless seem when we strike first: So fickle and so fool­ish are your Sex, 'tis more for Vanity then Love you Court, nothing so Wretched till we give you credit, nor nothing more uneasy till you've told it.

Y. Rev.

Such follys are, but such ne're enter'd here; I of a Contrary tem­per am: Enjoyment is the least of my affection, Tho' 'tis the Crown of all alone, 'tis worthless: were Heav'n as easy gain'd as it is wish'd for, the blessing scarce would tempt us from this world, Improving Fancy, constant Conversation, frequent Addresses fed with Courteous hope makes me un­easy till I am possess'd, but when possess'd, then my Impatience comes, then I am eager to encrease my Joys, and still the last breeds appetite for more.

Dor.

How charmingly he talks: Well, you have cunningly excus'd your self: Bring Dinner in; come Sir, sit down there opposite, that with full pleasure we may view each other.

Y. Rev.

My Eye will have the greatest Banquet, Madam.

Dor.

Your Ear too shall be entertain'd.

Enter Servants with Dinner. An Entertainment of Musick.

Come Sir, you seem uneasy.

Y. Rev.
[Page 46]

Blast not my Entertainment with that thought Madam, my senses are all charmed with such perfection, they'r Crowding which shall be first Gratified.

Dor.

Some Wine; come Sir, health to that sence which is your Favourite.

Y. Rev.

This distance starves it Madam.

Aun.

Sir, with my Neices leave I'le change places with you, give me

change seats.

some Wine: come Sir, to the Delitious prosperity of your Emergent Inclinations.

Y. Rev.

Nay, fill it Madam, 'tis the Ladys health.

Aun.

Here is enough, Sir.

Y. Rev.

I beseech you.

Aun.

Nay, Pray Sir.

Y. Rev.

Your pardon Madam, please your self.

Aun.

Well that kind word has wrought upon me I hate to be Impos'd on, come then since it is left to me, a little more,— up with it now; we Women can never have too much of a good thing, come Neice, your health.

Y. Rev.

Up with it full as my Love, come Madam, to your wishes satisfaction.

Dor.

And to a good understanding betwixt yours and mine.

Y. Rev.

Cunning and sweetly hinted; pluck up a spirit you Dog, take 'tother Bumper and be fancy.

Dor.

Sing the Scotch Song I love so.

Song.

Now Sir, if you please we'l retire to another Apartment, for this is litter'd.

Y. Rev.

Heaven grant she may have Faith to believe, and Charity to Relieve, or I'm a dead man; for I like her to madness; this retiring carrys somewhat of the face of a Bed-chamber in't, she has a Rare sleepy Eye which they say seldome fails; if She have any Comfortable Waters I'le drink her into Complyance.

Dor.

Your hand Sir.

Y. Rev.

My heart's in your own Madam.

Dor.
I fear my Ruine.
But oh with such a bait I am Drawn in,
It may excuse tho' not forgive the Sin.
Exit Dor. Rev.
Aunt.

Now all's well and my fears are over, and sure none can blame my Discretion in this Point; 'tis true'tis not altogether so honest as I could wish it, but the Prudent part of it is good, and I am secur'd from the thoughts of being undone, which of necessity I must have been any other way, and she had better have two gallants then none.

Pardon me s [...]ilty, [...] upon the Score
Of self-security I encrease her store,
'Tis to Preserve [...] whom she had before.
The End of the Fourth Act.

ACT V.

SCENE I.

Enter Florella in Boys Cloaths, Violanto in a Masquerading Habit.
Viol.

Thou art a mad Girl to transform thy self thus from one Sex to another.

Flor.

Well, were I a man I should be a very wicked fellow, there's such an Air and freedom belongs to Breeches, to what our Dull and dragging Petticoats allow of, that adsheartlikins I fancy my self of the Masculine Gender, and am for ravishing the first woman I meet; Prithee let me try upon thee, 'tis the fashion now to begin with Relations.

Viol.

Well said mad-cap, thou makest a very pretty Rakehell, and I could almost wish thee Capable of being a husband that I might have the honour of taking down your presumptious Spirit.

Flor.

Thus accounted will I court Mrs▪ Raison, and try if the Lady be constant to my Inconstant Rogue, or whether she's for making the most of her time: I fancy she's a right bred City-dame, fond of every young fellow that can tender her ready mony upon her Counter.

Viol.

If you can but manage the mans part well ne're fear it.

Flor.

All but part of the man I am pretty well provided for; I can huff, and be Saucy, be troublesome in Rumbling their Cloaths, and talk a great while seem to be familiar and force whispers, Drop out an affected Oath and take Snuff, Stare till my eyes are as stiff as my Crevat-string, Laugh only at my own Jests, and be only the Jest of the Company, and these are the greatest Materials of the fools that make Love now a­days; then I will Ogle, Tip, and Leer with either Court or City-Fop from the Jews Synagogue to St. Anns Church in So-ho, or St. James in German-Street. Well I'm sure to be diverted, but our Company En­creases.

Enter Mrs. Raison in mans Cloths, severall others, Lady Hazard Lord Worthy Sir Thomas Sas. and Raison, &c.
Mrs Rais.

Now for the Ladys, 'tis Youth and Beauty, not Sence and Breeding Conquers now adays; I think I'm a pretty man whate'ro I am for a woman: and this beardless boy may have as good success with the fair Sex, as if I had been a Page in a particular Family, and De­stin'd from my Childhood for a comfort to my Ladys old age: I must [Page 48] finde out Florella whom I will Court with such an eagerness, that if she seems inclining, I'le make young Reveller curse her from his heart, and think her easy to each Fops addresses.

Rais.

I wonder which is my Wife among all these Sr. Thomas.

Sr. Tho.

I don't know which is thy Wife, but I believe any of 'em may be thy Whore upon a good Occasion; I never saw such confusion of Babell.

Rais.

My Lamb is among 'em that's certain, but I know no more how to distinguish her then a Shepheard a stray sheep that's mixt with ano­ther flock.

Sas.

This is a heav'nly Life Sr. Thomas we lead, sitting up all night, and being sick all day, Disturbing all Men, and abusing all Women; Loving all mischief, and Hating all good; affecting of Lewdness, when you know you'r incapable, this will bring you to the Devill in time old Knight.

Rais.

Ay, and thee, and I, if we do not reform Sas, I'm affraid shall Sweat in those Everlasting Hummums with him.

Sr. Tho.

No pox, thou hast a Proverb on thy side; thy Spouse will save thy Soul in spight of thy teeth.

Rais.

All in good time, your worship's coming into the nooze, my La­dy Hazard may give me an Opportunity of returning your Jest, for they say Merchants Widdows are as good at it as Tradesmens Wives.

Sas.

I faith Sir Thomas you are too blame I think, considering your age, and what a brisk Son you have, to think of Matrimony, you'l not only Rob her of her Joynture, but cheat her expectations.

Sr. Tho.

Good lack d'ye hear the Batchelor, prithee old Cracker of other mens pipkins trouble thy head with thy own abilitys, and distrust not mine: Gad sookers I am a Boy to thee yet, thou shavings of Harts-horn and Ivory.

Enter Young Reveller.
Yo. Reve.
Caelia was Coy and hard to Win,
With Artfull Cunning play'd the Virgins Part,
But when she once had try'd the Sin,
She hugg'd the Charming Tingling dart,
Cry'd nearer Dearest to my heart,
Thou'rt Lord of all within.

Oh what a Luscious Feast of Love I've had, the unexpected Conquest rais'd the Joy; full of desire and trembling with my doubts I lay half-satisfy'd, then half destroy'd, she cry'd, oh do not, do not ruine me; Weakly she struggl'd till she seem'd quite tyr'd, then fainting sigh'd; do force me Villain, do: I took the yielding moment in its Prime, and sent my expiring Soul to seek for hers.

Flor.
[Page 49]

So, there's Reveller, but I can't find out this Mrs. Raison, I'm sure she is among 'em; I have a Trick to play her, and would no more be disappointed in my Mischief, than she would in her man.

Mrs. Rais.

What can become of this Florella! there's my Villain whom I will plague with Jealousy, if possible, as much as he has tortur'd me.

L. Wort.

Dear George, your late she Company has mourn'd for you.

Y. Reve.

Oh! Friend, such an Adventure, such Joy, such Delight, such unspeak­able Pleasure, incomprehensible Transport; Imagination cannot reach it, Fancy draw it, Nature match it, the World value it, Art improve it.

L. Wort.

What the Devil, art thou mad?

Y. Reve.

Mad, aye; and so would you, had you been where I have; seen what I have; felt, heard and understood, what I have; thou hadst been in the uppermost Re­gion by this time.

L. Wort.

Dear George, What is it?

Y. Reve.

I'll tell you when my Soul's cool enough for my Tongue to relate it; at present, Reflection's so vast in my thoughts, it stifles my Speech, being above its ex­pression.

Flor.

Some fair Lady, I suppose Sir.

Y. Reve.

You may suppose Sir, but ask no questions as you value your Nose, Sir.

Flor.

Did the Lady you Dinn'd with, entertain you kindly, Sir?

Y. Reve.

Look you Sweet-heart, I gave thee a caution about Questions; such fami­liarity at first sight, is not agreeable to my Constitution, therefore keep thy Tongue within compass, left my Feet go beyond measure.

Flor.

I won't provoke the Rogue, lest he should be as good as his word, and force me to discover my self: Where the Devil is this dry'd Fig of his?

Sir Tho.

Sirrah, Sirrah, Where have you been till this time?

Y. Reve.

About some urgent Business of my own, Sir.

Sir Tho.

Of the Devil's you Dog, the Flesh and the Spirit: Ounds, Sirrah, What is the meaning I can't Whore and Drink with you?

Y. Reve.

There is a natural Infirmity, Sir, allyed to 59. which in cases of this Mat­ter, do bear a debilitated Influence over the frigiditated Circumstances of halting Incli­nation, which being preingag'd to a foregoing want of Power, renders the Facul­ties incapable of exerting those necessary Ingredients which commonly are requir'd in the Eager Occurrences of Predominant Desire.—

Sir Tho.

Why, you Rhodomontading, Canting, Bantering, Sputtering —

Offers to strike him.
L. Wort.

Hold, hold, Sir Thomas.

Sir Tho.

Why, the Rogue's a Bantring of me, spitting out his superfluous Bombast, and ridiculing my Understanding, as if his Father was liable to his nonsensical Raille­ry: Get out of the House, Sirrah.

Omnes.

Nay, hold, Sir Thomas, not so.

Sir Tho.

I have liv'd to a fine age, a fine time I mean indeed— Sirrah, get you out.

Lady Haz.

Nay, Sir Thomas, let me intercede.

Sir Tho.

Why, 'tis a shame, Madam, what an impudent Son in Law will he be to your Ladyship, when 'tis such an insolent Rascal to his own Father.

Lady Haz.
[Page 50]

I warrant you, Sir.

Y. Reve.

Hark, you Sir, lay by your mustiness, or my Lady shall know how brisk your Worship was at the Wells to all the Masques you met with.

Sir Tho.

Dog Rogue, shall she so— well; I won't disturb the Company now, but another time.

Winks at his Son, and puts his Finger on his Nose.
Lady Haz.

Come, come, a Dance.

All.

Aye, a Dance, a Dance.

Sir Tho.

Gad so, it's break o'day: Come on then, strike up now Rogue, I'll frigidi­date you.

Cuts a Caper.
Enter Dorinda and Aunt.
Dor.

My Fears are true, and he is false as Hell.

Aunt.

What could you expect less from such a wild Fellow?

Dor.
Peace, Mischief! inconstant Villain, alter'd in an hour —
Are all those Charms which extasy'd his Sences,
Those melting Joys, his Life could scarce dispence with;
When all his Spirits with excess of bliss,
Lay gasping as in Fits struggling for vent,
As if his Soul had sickned with the pleasure,
And nature could not bear the vast delight.
Aunt.
Come, will you go home, now you'r satisfied?
Dor.
There's Worthy, and Violante, whom he spoke of,
That is Florella, whom he's coupled with;
I'll stay and watch a little, tho' I burst.
L. Wort.
Oh! here's more company; Ladies, will you Dance?
Dor.
Not yet, Sir, if you please.
L. Wort.
Your time's your own.
Dor.

Why, there's another Villain, whom tho' I love not, I hate to think another should get from me.

Lady Haz.

Hold, Sir Thomas, I swear you'll kill us all; there is no Dancing with you.

Dance. All the time of Dancing, Sir Thomas calls to his Son; about George, there's frigiditate for you.
Sir Tho.

Aye, Madam, here's a true English-heart for you, uncorrupted with the gross Luxuries of the Age, a plain well-bred North-Country Tit, that shall tire Forty of these Barbary Colts, and break their Backs Gad take me.

Mrs. Rais.

Sure that must be Florella, I'll try her.

Goes up to Dor.
Flor.

Certainly that must be the Woman, Reveller talk't to at the Wells, 'tis just her Shape and Air; I'll bear up to her and try her Inclinations.

Goes up to Dor.
Viol.

Well, my Lord, I'll take into consideration what you say, and if your Inclina­tions be as Honourable as your Language—

L. Wor.

Else, curse me from the Blessing I desire.

Y. Reve.

This must be Florella: Come, Why so froward little Mad-cap? Do you think it possible to disguise your self from so zealous a Lover?

Wom.

I don't know who he takes me for, but I'll humor his supposition for sport sake.

Dor.

Confusion, how fond he is!

[Page 51]
A Banquet of Sweet-Meats.
Flor. to Dor.

Madam, What makes your Ladyship keep so far from the Company, will you not make one at the Collation?

Mrs. Rais.

Sir, I had the Honour to speak first to this Lady, and desire you would make your Addresses elsewhere.

Dor.

Fools!

All this while Y. Revel. and the strange Woman are toying together, and Dor. is looking at 'em uneasy.
Flor.

Sir, I hope my Civility, tho' not so early as yours, is no Affront to the fairLady, and till she tells me, I'm troublesome, I shall follow my own will.

Both take Dor. by the Hand.
Dor.
Oh! how the Poppets toy Distraction,
Nay, Gentlemen, I never admit Suitors;
I don't know —
Flor.

I think I can't be discovered; Madam, to shew how much I esteem your Fa­vour, I'll conceal nothing from you.

Vnmasques.
Mrs. Rais.

A pretty Youth, Madam, I scorn to be out-done.

Vnmasques.
Flor.

I discover'd first, Sir, and now, Sir, I am as much before-hand with you in point of good Breeding, as you were with me in your Approaches.

Aunt.

By the pleasures, I have pass'd a couple of sweet Youths: Can't you divert your self with these.

Dor.

I hate 'em both.

Aunt.

Well, would I had the worst of 'em.

Mrs. Rais.

Madam, I'll tell you —

Reveller Hugging the strange Woman, and making several Ridiculous Postures, kneels down to her; Dor. comes up, and gives him a Box of the Ear.
Flor.

I'll acquaint your Ladyship —

Dor.

By Hell, I cannot bear it.

Flor.

Hey day!

Dor.

Villain and Traitor.

Y. Reve.

Is the Frolick to go round, Madam?

Dor. to Flor. and Mrs. Rais.

If you've Honour, protect me.

Flor.

This is lucky, 'tis she I'm sure.

Mrs. Rais.

This is some Rival; Madam, my Service.

Dor.

Both, Gentlemen.

They clap their Hands upon their Swords, and nod at Reve.
Sir Tho.

Madam, Can I serve you?

Dor.

Perdition seize your Generation.

Ex. Flor. Dor. Mrs. Rais.
Sir Tho.
And the Devil take your Inclination.
Why, what's the meaning of this George?
Y. Reve.

Indeed I know not, Sir, some Frolick upon a Wager I suppose.

L. Wor.

George, I'd speak with you—my Blood is chill'd o'th sudden; sure, that could not be Dorinda.

Y. Reve.

I'll wait on you.

Sir Tho.

Come Ladies, faith we'll have no bed-time; yet let's into the next Room, there's a fresh Entertainment.

Exeunt.

ACT V.

SCENE II. Park.

Enter Dorinda, Florella, and Mrs. Raison, Aunt following.
Dorind.

NOW, as you'r Men of Honour, I intreat you'd leave me to my self.

Mrs. Rais.

Ay, pray Sir, depart; the Lady would be in private.

Flor.

That's what I would be with the Lady, Sir. Come Madam, we're a couple of likely young Fellows, take your choice, and he you approve of, the other shall give way to.

Dor.

Nay, Gentlemen, 'tis late.

Flor.

Early by this hand, Madam, the Sun's just breaking; come, take one of us into your Livery, and see how heartily we'll earn our Wages.

Dor.

I have no business for you.

Flor.

If she knew me rightly, she'd swear it.

Mrs. Rais.

Sir, methinks you might perceive by the Ladies uneasiness, she would willingly have you gone.

Flor.

And methinks Sir, you might perceive by my uneasiness, I'de have you gone.

Mrs. Rais.

Not till the Lady pronounces Sir.

Flor.

Not Sir.

Mrs. Rais.

Not dam me, d'you think I'll be brow beaten.

Flor.

Ha! by Heav'ns, Mrs. Raison, that awkard huff and stamp betray'd it; I might have look'd long enough for her in Petticoats; ah! I'll swagger lustily, now I know my man— Look you, Sir, either desist, or I'll make you the first dead Carcass this day's Sun shall breed Maggots in.

Mrs. Rais.

Bear up Raison, and be not daunted, he's too well dress'd to love fight­ing, and too much like a Courtier to have any Courage, Sir.—

Flor.

Well, Sir.—

Lay their Hands on Swords.
Dor.

Nay, no quarrelling Gentlemen, to end the Dispute since it must be so, let me go in here to my Lodgings, and I'll send for the Man I like best in half an hour.

Flor.

Upon Honor.

Dor.

My Hand on't.

Mrs. Rais.

And me Madam.

Dor.

There Sir, each of you has a Hand, but he that has my Heart shall be resolv'd immediately.

Flor.

We depend on't.

Dor.

As I hope to be satisfi'd in the Embraces of my choice.—

Flor.

Swear by something else, your expectations may halt else.

Dor.

Oh, Reveller! thou Hell and Heav'n, thou Plague and Pleasure, come rid me of these Coxcombs.

Exeunt Dor. Aunt.
Flor.

Now will I bully this she Spark, and revenge my self on her, for Revellers kind­ness to her: Oh! for the impudence of a true bred Page, and the management of an old Souldier. Sir, being Jealous of my Destiny concerning this Lady, and being like­wise so struck with her Eyes and Conversation, that my heart cannot bear the loss of her, should she unluckily pitch upon you; I am resolv'd to try, who most deserves her by the Merit of his Sword, and not her Choice: therefore Draw, Sir.

Mrs. Rais.
[Page 53]

Ads-life, What will become of me now?—Draw Sir!

Flor.

Draw Sir, ay draw Sir; dam me, d'you think to brow beat me?

Mrs. Rais.

'Tis a pretty Fellow, and I could put him to a better Employment than running me quite through. Sir, I don't think it worth fighting for, till we know her In­clinations, if they claim you, there's no occasion for it, and if it be me—

Flor.

That if's impossible; for he that dare but think so damn'd a lye, and so forth—

Mrs. Rais.

I never saw such a little fury; I must tame him in my own Sex, for I find this will never do.

Flor.

Draw, Sir.

Mrs. Rais.

Pray, Sir.

Flor.

Rot you.

Drives Mrs. Rais. about the Stage.
Mrs. Rais.

How, Sir.

Flor.

Burn you.

Mrs. Rais.

Dear Sir.

Flor.

Sink you.

Mrs. Rais.

Stay, Sir.

Flor.

Dam you.

Mrs. Rais.

Hold Sir, I must discover my self.

Flor.

Roast, fry and frigacy, chop, slice and mince your Soul into Atoms.

Mrs. Rais.

Hold Sir, I am a Woman.

Kneels.
Flor.

This shall not save you.

Mrs. Rais.

My name's Raison, my Husband keeps a Grocers Shop at the Stocks-Market, and here he comes to justifie it.

Flor.

Rise Madam.

Enter Raison.
Rais.

I could not find out my Wife, but there was a Woman order'd me to come into the Park, and said, she'd follow me.

Flor.

I am resolv'd to thrash him a little, for I'm sure he's a Coward: Sir, Do you know this Lady?

Rais.

Lady, Sir; what a Lady in Breeches!

Flor.

Aye Sir, she says, she is your VVife; this Lady in Breeches.

Rais.

Nay, 'tis no great wonder, for she always wore 'em since I had her.

Mrs. Rais.

Oh! dear Raison, I disguis'd my self thus for the Masquerade; and mak­ing love to a Lady out of waggery, this Gentleman has drawn upon me.

Flor.

Aye Sir, and I don't know but by her impertinence, I've lost the Lady for ever; therefore I will have satisfaction.

Rais.

VVhy, Sir; my VVife's excellent at giving every body satisfaction but me.

Flor.

No quibbling, Sir; but take her Sword and do me Justice.

Rais.

I Sir, why, I'm no fighting man, Sir.

Flor.

No fighting man, Sir.

Rais.

No Sir, I can pay those that fight, and that's as much as was ever requir'd from a Citizen.

Flor.

Not fight, and an Officer in the Royal Regiment!

Rais.
[Page 54]

VVhy, that's only Ornament▪ Sir, it was never designed for use; but if we would fight, we have taken an Oath, not to strike a blow out of our own VValls.

Flor.

If you won't fight, Sir; I must have the satisfaction of kicking you, thus Sir, thus Sir.

Rais.

It may be a satisfaction to you, Sir, but little or none to your humble Servant.

Kicks him.
Mrs. Rais.

Nay, Sir, if you have any value for a VVoman, let me intreat for him.

Flor.

Well, Madam, to shew I am a Man of Honour, for your sake, I will forbear him.

Rais.

Aye, but she let him kick me first.

Flor.

And now Mrs. Florella has had her Frolick as well as your Ladyship.

Mrs. Rais. and Rais.

Florella, I had some suspitions of that effeminate Face indeed; Confusion, how shall I be laugh'd at!

Rais.

I thank you Madam, for the Maiden-head your Bullyship.

Flor.

Come, Mr. Raison, you'r ne'er the worse Man, and I'll make you ample Satisfa­ction, for I ll Marry Mr. Reveller, and then you may keep your Spouse to your self.

Rais.

Well, I am the first Man that ever was kick'd by a Woman, that was not his Wife sure.

Enter Lord Worthy, and Young Reveller,
Flor.

Here comes Reveller and my Lord Worthy, I'll have a Frolick with him too, you'l stand by me Mr. Raison.

Rais.

Not if he kicks like your Ladyship.

L. Wort.

And your first Acquaintance with this Woman, was at the Wells?

Y. Reve.

The very morning before you came to Town.

L. Wort.

Hell, and Confusion; Oh! damn'd Jilt: methinks your Conquest was very easie, considering the Character you give of her Beauty and Conversation, that in three Days, you should bring her to compliance.

Flor.

They'r discoursing about a Mistress, I think Mr. Raison, pray stand aside a little and observe.

Y. Reve.

Faith, what she saw in me, I cannot tell; our Familiarity was somewhat hasty I confess; not but I could have stay'd a twelve Month, so I had been sure at the end, of those Joys she gave last Night.

L. Wort.

Damnation on the Artful Whore. Now I reflect, methought to me her Love was all affected, and her Embraces which she seem'd with bashfulness to give, proceeded from uneasiness; by Heav'n —Do you not know her?

Y. Reve.

The Name she told me, was Dorinda: I do believe she is of some Fashion, and Debauched by some Noble Man or other, and kept here for security of not being known.

L. Wort.

Legion of Devils burst her canker'd Heart-strings.

Y. Reve.

She hurried me away about Nine a Clock out of her back Door: I sup­pose the Spark was come, for one of her Scouts came and whisper'd her, it was a hearty well wisher to St. Valentines Day, for she coupled us as lovingly and as securely, as if she had been to have had me her self; I think she call'd her Aunt: It was the wholsomest look'd Dame—

L. Wort.
[Page 55]

O true bred, plump fac'd Baud; then Florella is quite laid aside?

Y. Reve.

No, my Lord, That I design for my constant Habitation; this is only a Lodging by the by, to divert my self with whenever I'm uneasie at home.

L. Wort.

And you'r going now to her?

Y. Reve.

If I can gain admittance.

Flor.

I'll have a brush with you first Reveller; you'r a Son of a Whore.

She strikes him.
Rais.

Oh fie, draw upon a Woman!

He lays Hand on his Sword:
Y. Reve.

What, my little Mad-cap in Breeches!

Flor.

Hearing your Father resolv'd not to give you a Groat, and in despair you had got a Commission to go to the Wars, Mrs. Raison and I, come to offer our selves as Volunteers.

Y. Reve.

Mrs. Raison, a couple of amiable Supporters faith, Alcibiades never regal'd himself with two Titer Lasses— My Lord, will you take 'em aside a little, till I step in to this Dorinda; for I am very impatient to know the meaning of that Box o'the Ear.

L. Wor.

A friendly Request truly — but I shall alter your Joys speedily: Ladies, pray walk this way a little?

Mrs. Rais.

Mr. Reveller, won't you? —

Y. Reve.

I'll but correct my Watch by the Sun-Dial, and —

L. Wor.

Let him alone, Madam.

Ex. Y. Reve.
Flor.

So, he's gone to his Mistress, I'm sure.

Mrs. Rais.

What, the Lady that gave him the Box o'the Ear?

Rais.

Gad I believe the whole Sex are turn'd Kickers and Cuffers.

L. Wort.

The same, Madam; and if you'll promise me to use your Interest to your Sister, to pardon me in some things I have err'd in; I'll not only restore you Mr. Reveller wholly to your self, but entertain you with an unexpected piece of Diver­sion.

Flor.

I do not know what you mean; but in any thing that's Honourable, your Lordship may command me.

L. Wort.

I ask no more, Madam.

Flor.

Hey-day! here's Sir Thomas and my Lady, with Fiddles; 'tis a mad old Knight▪ my Mother will never recover the Fatigue of this Nights disorder.

Enter Sir Tho. Reveller, Lady Hazard, Violante, Sasaph, and Musick.
Lady Haz.

For Heav'ns sake, Sir Thomas, give over your Frolick; I am so sick and untoward, pray let me and my Children go to rest.

Sir Tho.

Not till Night saith, Madam, and then not much Rest neither; for I am re­solv'd we'll Dance to a Priest, and be made Flesh and Blood out of hand.

Lady Haz.

How, Sir Thomas?

Sir Tho.

Even so, my Lady; it must be done, and no time so sitting as now we are in a good humor, therefore let's nick it; Widows when they'r heated must be kept stirring.

Lady Haz.

Oh fie, Sir Thomas! It requires consideration.

Sir Tho.

Consideration in Matrimony! Nay then, I'll be hang'd, if any man ever [Page 56] weigh'd the State of Marriage seriously, and enter'd into't afterwards; I'll be bound to answer for my Father's sins.

Flor.

I wonder then, Sir Thomas, you that have prov'd it once, will venture upon it again.

Sir Tho.

Why, How now, you little Smock-fac'd Dog, a pretty Boy faith; Sirrah, Sirrah, if you were in Italy

Flor.

Nay, nay; but answer me as I'm in England.

Sir Tho.

VVhy, because I'm sure I can't have a worse VVife than I had before; and I would try if there be any better.

Mrs. Rais.

Then I find you Marry more for the Experiment, than for any Comfort the Lady's to have of you.

Flor.

Therefore if I might advise my Mother.

Sir Tho.

Thy Mother! —

Rais.

Florella, and my Wife, Sir Thomas, not being loose enough in their own Habits, have chose one to be lewd in with less Scandal.

Flor.

Good Sugar-Loaf, none of your Censures; you know the length of my Foot.

Rais.

Yes, and the breadth, I thank you.

Sir Tho.

Ah, my little Squirril turn'd hector!

Lady Haz.

Florella, I wonder at your Frailty, to commit such an Absurdity in Dis­cretion, by giving your self up to —

Sir Tho.

Nothing but a harmless Frolick, Madam; I beseech your Ladyship not to construe it worse than it is.

Viol.

Well, my Lord, you have behav'd your self so like a Man of Honour in this discovery of your Mistress, that it shall no way turn to your prejudice in my esteem.

L. Wort.

Heav'n make me capable of deserving so much Goodness.

Sir Tho.

But where's George, what's become of that Rogue?

L. Wort.

Sir Thomas, I have a favour to beg of you and this good Company; pray ask no Questions, but follow me into this House; I have a Key here commands it.

Lady Haz.

What should this mean?

Sir Tho.

Faith, I know not; but let's follow him.

Flor.

Now Vulcan and Venus will be caught in a Net.

Mrs. Rais.

Some Comfort, I shall know who this Rival is; come Husband.

Rais.

Ay, VVife, where you please.

Exeunt.

SCENE, Dorindas Apartment, Reveller following of her.

Y. Reve.

Can nothing appease you?

Dor.
Ungrateful Villain! VVas the Prize so poor, it could not merit one Night's Constancy.
Oh! Curse upon my Folly which betray'd me,
VVhich gave such hasty Credit to thy Oaths▪
My Generosity overcame Discretion,
And I'm despis'd for being kind too soon.
Y. Reve.

Conscience, give way a little, Madam; by Heav'ns, I went strait home; nay, was in Bed when my Father came and pull'd me out, and forc'd me to go with him.

Dor.
[Page 57]

By Hell, 'tis false, you went strait thither, I had you dogg'd.

Y. Reve.

So, that won't do then— Why, then in short, I should have been pull'd out of my Bed if I had not gone, and 'twas better as 'twas.

Dor.

Why, Did you not swear to me, you would not see Florella last Night?

Y. Reve.

The Devil take me, if I know I did, I fanci'd several for her, but as I hope to be reconcil'd to you, I did not to my knowledge see her; and to make you amends, I won't see her this Week.

Dor.

You'd sooner hang your self.

Y. Reve.

Nay, if you won't believe —

Dor.

I have believ'd too much, and you have promis'd more than you can keep.

Y. Reve.

By the dear Joys possess'd, I will be faithful.

Dor.

And will you not marry Florella?

Y. Reve.

Buy Trouble so dear, when I can have Pleasure so cheap.

Dor.

And you will never?

Y. Reve.

Impossible I should keep me here ever with thee thus, and scorn thy Sex be­sides.

Dor.

Oh, take me all then▪ thus let us grow and never separate.

Embraces.
L. Wort.

within. By Heav'n, a shreik destroys thee down.

Enter Worthy, his Sword drawn, and forcing the Aunt upon her Knees. Bawd, down.
Dor.

Destruction, thou art come!

Y. Reve.

My Lord!

Reve. draws.
L. Wort.

Put up George; here's my Aim.

Runs at Dor.
Y. Reve.

Honour forbid that, and a Man so near; holds him.

L. Wort.

I thank thee, my Passion was too violent: What canst thou say, persidious hellish Jilt?

Dor.

I am struck o'th sudden, and have nought to help me; where art thou cunning, thou Devil at a pinch, canst thou be backward when a Woman wants thee?

Y. Reve.

The meaning of all this?

L. Wort.

I'll tell thee George: Oh! had I trusted thee before, thou hadst not wrong'd me.

Dor.

Or had I caution'd him, thou hadst not know it: Curse on my Folly —

L. Wor.

This Lady that has been thy Whore, was once my Mistress; this Reverend Matron sold her to me; her Father was an ancient Servant in our Family, and dying, left her with this Widow'd Aunt, whose curs'd Avarice, betray'd her to me. In short, I had her for 500 l. for I did love her (to my shame I own it) above the World: 'Tis six Years since, in which time her Ladyship has somewhat weakned my Estate; for as I had no Wish above her Love, I had no Power above her Wish; all she com­manded, and she has well repaid me: thy Ignorance, and my Breach of Friendship in not trusting thee, makes thee unblamable; but she sure's doubly damn'd, to wrong me with the only Man she knew my Friend.

Y. Reve.

By Heav'ns it staggers me, and I could wish —

L. Wort.

It is too late, forget her as I shall, and we shall be much happier. What sayest thou Bawd, is't true what I have said?

Dor.

Ay, let her speak; I'll stand to what she says.

L. Wort.
[Page 58]

Say, It [...] true.

[Aunt.]

Yes.

[Dor.]

Convulsions [...]o [...] thee.

Aun.

But as I hope to dye ou [...] of [...] house, 'twas all against my will; but she threatened to run away and leave [...] to beg, if I did not comply; and being old and uncapable of gettling bread in my [...] employment, I thought it better to wink at her Fornication, than [...] through her Indignation.

Y. Rev.

Madam, this has a Face—

Dor.

So has an Ass, Confusion on ye all.

is going.
L. Wort.

Nay, not so fast good Madam, we'll part with Witness, tho' we met with none. Sir Thomas, VVill you enter?

Don.

Must I then be derided; poor Insulter!

Enter Sir Tho. Sas. Viol, Lady Haz. Flor, Mrs. Rais. Rais. &c.
Y. Reve.

No, let her go my Lord.

L. Wort.

Nay, George, dispute it not; by Her [...] some revenge.

Sir Tho.

VVhy, what are we to do here, is there any Conveyance we must be VVit­nesses to?

Y. Reve.

Yes, here has been a Conveyance, only a damn'd mistake in the drawing it up.

L. Wort.

Ladies, Sir Thomas and Gentlemen; I desired your good Company to see me take leave of an old Acquaintance, being resolv'd to live a sober, discreet Life, and bend my whole thoughts towards this kind Lady, I have bid adieu to the only Mistress I had, whom by the way, Sir Thomas, your Son has rid me of.

Sir Tho.

How, my Son!

L. Wort.

I'll tell you more hereafter, Madam, you may retire, I have ended my Triumph.

Dor.

That's she that has undone me, I could have workt him yet, for all this mis­chief; but there's a Fortune and a Face, too powerful.

Viol.

Is this the Lady that was so very severe upon our Parents? I suppose you'll wash all at home now, Madam?

Dor.

May Jealousie unquenchable possess thee; may Impotence in him still cross thy wishes; and may you love still in despite of both: for thee I have some pleasure in my Ruin; thou didst intend, I find, for her to leave me; and I have been before-hand with thee, in him. And since we both design'd to cheat each other, it is my Pride, tho' with the loss I'm curs'd.

Sir Tho.

I had my man, and was in falshood first; A notable Baggage by the Plea­sures of VVhoring— but what a pox, I'm still in the dark here—

Y. Reve.

You shall know all anon, Sir; now Madam, for our design with the old Gen­tleman: if I seem to be fond of it, I certainly lose it; my Lord assist her.

Sir Tho.

Faith VVidow, we will to Church, and there's an end on't.

Flor.

Of Love! indeed it may probably enter the Church, but seldom comes out: Madam, I have a Request to your Ladyship, your shewing a very good Example with Sir Thomas, and really, I have a mind to follow it with his Son, but he's so very per­verse towards Matrimony, that without some Assistance of the good Company, my single Interest will never prevail:

[Mrs. Rais.]

What do I hear?

Lady Haz.
[Page 59]

Why truly, Florella, I have no averse Exceptions to the Gentleman, if his Father be willing.

Sir Tho.

VVilling, ay Madam, with all my heart; 15000 l. you Dog, and you not worth a Groat.

Y. Reve.

I thank you Sir, but I value my Freedom above all Fortune.

Sir Tho.

You Dog, you have been free ever since you were born, and I'll make you Draw now with your Father.

L. Wor.

Ay, ay, 'tis time to leave off rambling, George, so much Beauty and 15000l.

Y. Rev.

My Lord, had I wherewithal to seatle a Joynture upon the Lady equal to her Portion, something might be said; but I have so much regard to my own Honor, to take a Wife who shall twit me hereafter with what she brought me.

Sir Tho.

Twit you, Jackanapes, what need you value her Twitting, when the Mo­ny is in your own hands. When Wives twit, Husbands may whore with a safe Con­science, Hang-Dog.

L. Wor.

No, but Sir Thomas shall take the 15000 l. and settle 2000 l. a year on you, and make a Joynture equal.

Sir Tho.

Psaw, ne'er trouble your Head, my Lord, I warrant you I'll be a loving Fa­ther to 'em.

Y. Rev.

As a Jew to his Child that had marryed a Christian; Sir, if you would give me 50000 l. I would not marry.

Mrs. Rais.

Oh! He has some Honor left I find.

Sir Tho.

You would not marry, Rogue.

Y. Rev.

No, Sir.

Rais.

Come, pray Mr. Reveller be persuaded.

Mrs. Rais.

VVhat have you to do to persuade him to marry?

Rais.

Because I'd willingly have him have a VVife of his own to make use of, that he mayn't borrow of his Neighbors.

Sir Tho.

And you won't marry?

Y. Rev.

No: pray Sir don't trouble me.

Sir Tho.

You Dog, you shall marry, and I'll stand to what my Lord propos'd—but I'll make you marry. I'll have the VVritings drawn presently, and if you refuse, I'll go to Church in a Pet, marry in a Passion, get a Son in a Fury, and disinherit you, you Dog.

Y. Rev.

VVell Sir, to avoid the Curse of Disobedience, I will submit; nothing but my seeming averse could have wrought this.

Flor.

I thank you good People, tho I fear I shall repent it.

Mrs. Rais.

And will you be such a Villain?

Y. Rev.

Faith Madam I have been a great Charge to you, and am very happy I can—

Flor.

No whispering now the Man's sold, you have had your pennyworths I'm sure.

Rais.

Come Wife, you had as good live honest, since you find you can't help it.

Mrs. Rais.

Why, let him go; here Husband, take what you never had till now, my Heart; your Generosity and good Temper, how ever I have abus'd it, I'll strive to deserve it.

Rais.

Why better late than never Kate.

L. Wor.
[Page 60]

And Madam may [...]

Viol.

My Lord, you may, my Sister and I shall take some time first, when my La­day's fixt with her Consent—

Lad. Haz.

His Lordship has it; but [...] where's Mr. Sasaph?

Sir Tho.

Dismal drunk [...] him upon it at P [...] this Mor­ning. [...]o [...] Widow, I find [...] the only P [...] this day then, and be not frighted.

It dreadful seems to those who wed at first,
But we who've try'd i [...] once [...] the worst.
Y. Rev.
And may all [...] know
Their Sons by me▪ may [...] what to do.
FINIS.

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