Monsieur in a Mouse-Trap: or the Parable of the Shark and Herring-Pond

THere is an old English Proverb, that Truth must not be utter'd at all times, nor to all persons; and that is the reason, I suppose, why men of late publish their Sentiments in Masquerado. We have already seen the Parables of the Bear-bait­ing, and the Magpies; now give me leave to present you with that of the Shark and the Her­ring Pond, since after Four-footed Beasts, and Birds, Fish comes next in course.

There was a time, when the Scaly Inhabi­tants of the Ocean were divided into several Empires, Kingdoms, Common-wealths, and Pro­vinces; each watry Nation being subject to their respective Sovereigns, even as 'tis here on the Land.

Amongst the rest, the Shark reign'd over the Gudgeons; he a voracious, cruel, tyrannical Fish; they silly, tame, weak, despicable Ani­mals, cut out for Slavery and Contempt. This Shark, or King of the Gudgeons, was the worst of all his Race; for he won'd enter into Leagues with other Royal Fishes, his Neighbours, only to render them the more secure, whilst he a­mass'd up huge Treasures by Oppression of his Subjects, and rais'd great Armies, with design to rush suddenly upon his Friends and Allyes, to bring them into Contribution and Slavery.

He had one potent Neighbour, who was an Emperour among the Fish, and had many Princes subject to him. The Shark bore a great spight to this Imperial Fish, and often invaded his Ter­ritories, and made great Havock and Devasta­tion among his Subjects; for he would come on the suddain, (as 'tis the nature of that sly Fish,) and snap off a whole Limb, or Branch of the Empire, together, at a Mouthfull; and this at such a time as they were all at Peace, and never dream'd of any such Usage. And to shew that he absolutely design'd the total ruine of the Imperial Fish, and all his Dependants, the Shark sent Ambassadors to the Whale, a mighty Fish; and who had the largest Dominions, the strong­est Armies, and richest Treasury of any Royal Fish in the Ocean: A proud Fish also, proud as Lucifer; for disdaining all Earthly Emblems, he wrote the Moon for his Crest, and styl'd him­self the Shadow of God. To this terrible Whale, I say, the Shark sent Ambassadors, and made private Leagues with him, against the Imperial Fish, perswading him to send Armies to invade the Imperial Territories. Thus whilst the Im­perial Fish was busie [...] on one side, in defending himself and his Empire against the Incursions of the Whale, the Shark takes the Opportunity and breaking all his Treaties of Peace, leaps suddainly into the Bowels of the Empire, plun­dering, murthering and desolating all, where­soever he came.

Yet the Shark; not content thus to ruine the Imperial Fish, sets upon another King, among the Scaly Nations, that was a near Relation, Friend and Allye of the Imperial Fish: He sends Armies, and invades the Territories of this King also, who was called the Sea Bull; lays waste his Dominions, leads his Subjects into Captivity, and does him all the mischief that his Malice, Ambition, Covetousness and Pride could prompt him to.

Thus the Wars continued amongst the Watry Nations for many Years, great Massacres and Depopulations were committed by the Shark, the Whale, and their Armies, so that the Sea was dyed red with Blood.

Whilst these things were transacting, it so fell out, that the Crocodile was made King over the Whitings, Salmons, Mayhrills, and Pikes, and other Fish: having by various cunning Trains, and wheadling Artifices, perswaded that inno­cent sort of Fish, that he was a Dolphin, and no Crocodile; and having made them large Pro­mises, confirming them also with an Oath, that they should enjoy their ancient, native Free­dom and Liberty in all things. So that the poor Whitings, deluded by these fair Words, and the insinuating Stories of the Mayhrills, and over-power'd by the Salmons, Pikes, Stur­geons, Eels, and other Fish, were contented that the Crocodile should reign over them.

But in process of Time, the Crocodile began to appear in his naked Colours, and not only broke his Word with the Whitings, but also stretch'd forth his Tali to the Maybrills, and en­trenched upon their Priviledges. He also made a private League with the Shark, the Whale, and the Allegators of the Mediterranean; which gave great suspicion to his own Subjects, as well as to the neighbouring Princes and States among the Fish. Great were the Discontents of the Maybrills, the Whitings, and other Fish under the Crocodile's Dominion: They found they were mistaken in their King, who now prov'd a real Crocodile, a Fish of Prey, and dai­ly impos'd on his Subjects such Laws and Or­ders, as plainly tended to enslave both them and their Posterity. This made them cabal, and lay their heads together how to save themselves from imminent Ruin: So at length it was agreed upon, among the Makyrills, Salmons, Pikes, Eles, and other Fish under the Crocodile's Dominion, to remonstrate their Case to the Dolphin, and invite him to come and deliver them from the Crocodile's Tyranny; for indeed, the Dolphin had a kind of Title to the Government of the Whi­tings, &c. being descended of the Bloud of their ancient Kings. So the Dolphin makes prepara­tion to go against the Crocodile, being assisted by the Common-wealth of Herrings, among whom this Prince kept his Court. In a Word, Upon the first Approach of the Royal Dolphin, with his Army of Herrings, the Crocodile's Sub­jects deserted him, and joyned the Dolphin's Ar­my; so that the Crocodile was forc'd to swim away, and take Sanctuary with the Shark.

The Newes of the famous Expedition of the Dolphin, and the Flight of the Crocodile, was quickly spread through the Scaly Nations, and all rejoyc'd at the good Success of the Dolphin, who was soon chosen King of the Whitings, Maycrils, Salmons, &c. Then Ambassadors were sent from all parts to congratulate his Ac­cession to the Crocodile's Throne, and to enter into League with Him, against the Shark, the Whale, the Crocodile, and the Allegators of the Mediterranean. Armies were raised on all sides, and many fierce Battels were fought between them: The Dolphin was look'd upon as the great Protector and Deliverer of all the Con­federate Fish, from the cruel Oppressions and Encroachments of the Whale and the Shark. But in regard the Maycrills (who were chiefly instrumental in bringing the Dolphin to the Crown) proved treacherous, and held a private Correspondence with the Shark and the Croco­dile, other Measures were taken by the Impe­rial Fish, the Dolphin, the Common-wealth of Herrings, the Sea-Bull, and the rest of the Con­federated Fish. And because they could not entrust their secret Counsels to any Ambassador's Envoys, or Agents, without manifest danger of Discovery; therefore they all resolved to meet together in person, appointing the Herring-Pond to be the place of their Randezvouz.

In the mean while it was thought convenient for the Dolphin to send an Ambassador to the Whale, in Quality of a Mediator for Peace be­tween the Whale and the Imperial Fish. When the Shark heard of this, he ordered his Am­bassador [Page 1] [...] [Page 2]at the Whale's Court to oppose the Re­ception of the Dolphin's Ambassador with all his might; but all his Rhetorick proved ineffe­ctual, for the Dolphin's Ambassador was kindly receiv'd by the Whale, and his Overtures of Peace were hearkned to, which gave great En­couragement to the Confederated Fish to hope, That an Accomodation might be concluded be­tween the Imperial Fish and the Whale, where­by the former would be in a better Capacity to make War upon the Shark, his powerful Neigh­bour and old Enemy.

Well, the Time came, when the Confede­rated Soveraigns of the Fish were to meet to­gether; great Preparations were made to ho­nour so Royal and Illustrious a Congress; and especially to welcom the Dolphin to the Herring-Pond, who was made Guarantee of this Princely League. In fine, they meet at the Time and Place appointed, not without great danger of the Dolphin's Life and Liberty, who as he was swimming to the place of Rendezvous, hap­pened to be benighted, and stuck his Fins fast on a Shelf of Ice, so that he could not disingage Himself in less than 18 Hours time, whereby he was lyable to have been starv'd to Death with Hunger and Cold, and likewise to have been kill'd or taken Prisoner by any of the Shark's Scouts,, who used to ly in wait in those parts. But Neptune and Heaven were kinder to him, and next Day he happily got rid of this Remo­ra, and arrived safe at the Herring-Pond, to the inexpressible Joy and Satisfaction of all the Fish in those parts.

Monsieur the Shark finding all things to suc­ceed well to the Confederated Fishes, and that he himself was like to be caught in a Net, they having surrounded Him with Armies on all Hands, and having made a fair Step towards the concluding of a Peace with the Whale; considering these things, I say, he sent an Am­bassador to the Congress at the Herring-Pond, with spacious pretences, and insinuating Whea­dles, in order to an Accomodation. This Am­bassador was a Fish of no small Quality and Extraction, a cunning Statesman and good O­rator: (For the Fish do not come a whit behind the Birds and Beasts in all manner of Accomplish­ments) He Addresses himself therefore to that August Assembly in Words to this effect.

Most Serene and Illustrious Princes, and High and Mighty Lords, &c.

THE Shark my Master being desirous to pre­vent for the future the spilling of the Bloud of any Fish, from the Whale to the Millers Thumb, has taken into serious consideration, the Original, progress, and present state of the War between him and the confederated Soveraigns of the Fish; and having maturely weighed all things in his impartial Gills and finding his end approaching (for he was well stricken in years) for the better discharging of his conscience, has sent me to ac­knowledge in his Name, that he is the first Ag­gressor, and that the insatiable Thirst of Empire has carried him beyond the Bounds of Justice and the civil Laws of the Sea. Wherefore being desirous to die in peace, & repose his old carcase in Quiet, he has made his last VVill and Testament, where­of I here present your Royal Highness, and your High and Mightiness, an Authentick Copy under my Masters own Signet, and the publick Seal of his Kingdom.

A Copy of the Shark's Last Will and Testament.

IN the Name of Neptune and Thetis and all the Sea Gods and Goddesses, &c. I Lodo­wick Rhodomontado Shark, King of the Gudge­ons and other Watry People, finding my Fins be­gin to decay and fail me, my Teeth grow rotten and drop out, with many other Symptoms of approaching Death; being also of a great Age and my Carkass almost rotten, yet in perfect sound Sense and presence of Mind, have thought fit to make, and do by these Presents make this my last will and Testament.

Imprimis, I restore all the Bones of the Her­rings, Turbets, Mullers, Plaise, Flounders and other Fish, whom I and my Armies have massacr'd in the Dominion of the Imperial Fish, the Sea-Bull or any of their Friends and Allies; I say I restore these Bones to the surviving Friends and Re­lations of the Fishes so massacr'd to be dispos'd of at their Discretion.

2. Item, I bequeath to the Imperial Fish, the Sea-Bull and their Friends and Allies, [...]l those great or small Limbs and Brancoes which I have at several times slyly and unjustly snapt from them when they were not aware of me.

3. Item, I bequeath to the aforesaid Persons all the Contribution Mony, that I have unjustly squeez'd from their Subjects by Fire and Sword. With an Overplus of as many Millions as will compensat for the Losses sustain'd by their said Sub­jects in Houses, Goods and Provision plunder'd and destroyed by my Armies.

4. Item, I bequeath my Kingdom to the Dolphin and the rest of the Confederated Fishes, as they can agree about it.

5. Lastly, I bequeath my Carcase to the Sea-Hogs, and my Skin to be stuffed and hung up for a Memorial on the Top of Mount Teneriff, as a sign to all succeeding Generations. And I appoint the Imperial Fish, the Dolphin, the Sea-Bull with the rest of their Friends and Allies to be the Ex­ecutions of this my last will and Testament. Pro­vided always, That they shall not molest me so long as I live, but that there shall be a Cessation of Arms from this time till the Day of my Death. After which it may and shall be lawful for them or any of them to enter and take Possession of my Kingdom, and to put in Exectuion all the Par­ticulars of this my Last Will and Testament.

Monsieur Gudgeon the Shark's Ambassador, having thus delivered his Masters Last Will and Testament to the Prince and Lords of the Con­gress, was order'd to withdraw, whilst they consulted about an Answer. There needed no great Deliberation In an Affair, which they were all provided for; wherefore after some time taken for Form's sake, the Shark's Ambassa­dor was call'd in again, and the Speaker of the Congress told him in the Name of the Prince: and States there assembled together; That the Shark, the said Ambassador's Master, had so often broke his Word, violuted his Promises and Oaths, that they were all unanimously resolved never to treat with him again, but to take those measures as should seem most expedient to themselves without giving him any further Ac­count, Reason or Answer.

Away swims poor Pilgarlick the Gudgeon with this short Reply to his Master the Shark, who found himself caught in a Trap, and knew no [...] which way to escape. He flutter'd and flounc'd from one fide of his Trap to another, like a Captive Mouse; but all in vain, for the Herrings, the Whitings, the Salmons, the Flounders, and innumerable other sorts of Fish had besieg'd him, and hem'd him in, resolving every one to have a touch at his old Jacket before long. What the Issue was, you shall hear, as soon as I receive the Intelligence from Neptun's Currier.

Re-printed in the Year, 1691.

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