THE CITIZEN TURN'D Gentleman: A COMEDY.

Acted at the DUKE'S THEATRE.

By Edw. Ravenscroft. Gent.

Licensed Angust 9th.

LONDON, Printed for Thomas Dring, at the White-Lyon next Chancery­Lane end in Fleetstreet, 1672.

The Actors Names.

Men.
  • MR. Iorden Formerly a Citizen, but now sets up for a Gentleman. Mr. Nokes.
  • Young Iorden His son, in love with Marina. Mr. Cademan.
  • Mr. Cleverwit In love with Lucia. Mr. Crosby.
  • Sir Simon Softhead A Country Knight. Mr. Underhil.
  • Trickmore Cureal Two men of Intrigue. Mr. Harris. Mr. Sandford.
Vallet de Chambre.
  • Maistre Iaques French Master to the Citizen. Mr. Angel.
Women.
  • LUcia Daughter to Mr. Iorden. Mrs. Bittertun.
  • Marina A young Lady. Mrs. Burroughs.
  • Betty Trickmore Trickmores Sister, her woman. Mrs. Leigh.
  • Musick and Dancing-Master.
  • Two Chymists.
  • Four Operators.
  • Two Boys and a Woman.
  • Turks, Singers, Dancers, Pages, Attendants, &c.

SCENE London.

TO HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS Prince Rupert.

MY ambition of dedicating this to your Royal Highness, proceeds not from the more than or­dinary encouragement it receiv'd from you, when it appear'd on the Stage: tho' of thirty times it has been acted, you seldom fail'd to honour it with your presence. 'Twould be presumption in me to examine why you did it that Grace; and vain-glory to attribute it to the merits of the Play, since the best have not receiv'd the like honour.

Nor does the envie of Criticks force me to invoke your Princely Patronage; it were as vain to think the name of a Patron should shield it from their censures, as it would hinder the rude rable (if engrav'd on the front of a house) from breaking the windows. The malice of these, and the rude­ness of the others may lead 'em to do either, without con­vincing them they are guilty of any disrespect. And Criticks stand up as zealously for the liberty of their Tongues, as Fana­ticks for liberty of Conscience; and rail as spitefully against Plays, as that perverse Generation does against Magistrates and Governours.

The third common pretence of Authors I likewise disown: I boast not of any particular favours receiv'd; blessings flow from Princes, as light does from the Sun, which shines on all at once. They oblige not Persons, but Nations: Of that great Vertue, SIR, you stand a glorious Example. You en­gag'd your self in our intestine dissentions: You was the thun­derbolt of War; the enemies where-ever you came, or fled or fell before you: You threw your self into the storm to [Page] save us; and when it had shipwrack'd the best of Monarchs, your Piety led you to exile with the Son: when his Coun­try and Subjects forsook him, you did not; but with him shar'd the dangers and hardships of banishment, till Heaven (which laid the yoke of tyranny for punishment on our rebellious necks) was pleas'd to restore him to us, or ra­ther us to our King. The Sun had it been so long absent, could not be more welcome; with him like a train of glorious Lights, return'd the Royal Family, and not long after your Royal Self; after you you drew a chain of Blessings, Freedom, Peace, Religion, Unity, which ever since we have enjoyed: What foes we have abroad, we need not fear, whilst we have your Counsel for Conduct, and your Sword for Execution. You still like Englands Angel Guardian stand ready to defend it; and so long as we have either Memory or Gratitude, e­very tongue must speak your fame, and every heart dedicate it self to you as a Trophee, owing to your gallantry. What a noble stock of Virtue must you have so entirely to captivate the hearts of a Nation, to which you was born a stranger! Who, when they hear your name, or see it here prefixt, will not repeat it, and say, You are the Heroe of the world; then in a transport run o'er your mighty Deeds and Actions, which make you famous above mankind in our present Annals, and will with excess of Glory bear your name to after Ages? How just an occasion have I here, to say all that can be said of man without danger of being thought a flatterer? But, Sir, were you less than what you are, I could say more: Now all is truth, nor can that truth be contain'd in an Epistle. And I know the perfect Heroe blushes as much at the narration of his Virtues, as the Lady exactly Beautiful at the relation of her Perfections: Praise seems to lessen both, for 'tis thought we rather speak what they should be, than what they are. Virtue ought to find Imitators, and Beauty more admirers than commenders: Nor would I give the most malicious any ground to think you can be flatter'd; or that I hope by flattery and insinuation to make attonement for this presumption: Your Virtues drew it on you; those Vir­tues [Page] which have so much oblig'd our Nation, engage all hearts to pay our thanks as tribute to you: Involv'd in the common fate, I take this occasion to attest my acknowledge­ments, and to beg your Royal Highness to look upon this, not so much the Dedication of a Play, as of a Heart. That o­ther Poets stand at an awful distance, argues not my rudeness, but the greatness of my zeal which prompts me to believe that the boldness of performing so great a Duty, is not a crime e­qual to the forbearance; And I shall account it my glory to have led the way, where others made a stand.

Your Royal Highness's Most humble and Most obedient Servant, Edward Ravenscroft.

PROLOGUE.

GAllants you're so unconstant grown of late,
That Plays and Mistrisses have the same fate;
For both with you grow quickly out of date.
Each with variety so taken is,
You'l see but once or the same Play or Miss.
Go on, we'l not your liberty retrench,
Like this for change▪ as you wou'd do a wench:
But know, when the translating vein is past,
That you must not expect new Plays so fast.
Then Wit and sence will come into request,
And something more than a vain Fopp well dress'd.
The Taylor now in Plays makes the best jest.
And 'twill be time to check this full carreer
Of Plays, and Act but two or three a year.
With plenty you are cloy'd, but when grown scarce
You will esteem 'em more; and then a Farce
Will entertain you for a Month at least;
Not what is good, but scarce does make a feast.
Then shall the Knight that had a knock in's Cradle,
Such as Sir Martin, or Sir Arthu [...] Addle,
Be flock'd unto, as the great Heroes now
In Playes of Rhyme and Noyse with wond'rous show.
Then shall the House (to see these Hectors kill and slay,
That bravely fight out the whole plot of th' Play,)
Be for at least six months full ev'ry day.
If beauty grows so scarce, your Misses too
Will find that you'l to them more constant grow.
Now the enjoy'd you slight; if you're inclin'd
To visit them, it is not to be kind.
You play the criticks, you find fault and jeer,
And 'gainst your Miss are wittily severe;
As fain you'd be on Plays when you come here.
[Page]You like prejudicated Iudges sit;
There Beauties faults you find, here those of Wit.
'Gainst both I've heard Women and Poets say,
No Critick is like him that ev'ry day
Sees a fresh Girl, and each Week a new Play.

EPILOGUE.

FRom the Court party we hope no success,
Our Author is not one of the Nobless,
That bravely does maintain his Miss in Town,
Whilst my great Lady is with speed sent down,
And forc'd in Country Mansion house to fix,
That Miss may rattle here in Coach and six.
If one of these the Author was, perchance
You'd joyn your int'rest, and the Play advance:
For tho' you great ones and you Courtiers be
Not o'er good natur'd, you've civilitie.
Nor is he one you call a Town-Gallant,
Who for fine cloathes does seldom money want:
But drives at cheaper rates the sinful trade,
Seduces Wives, sometimes a Chamber-maid:
That at Jero's or Satt'lins goes to dinner;
And thence repairs to th' Play to meet a sinner:
And here with Burgundy and brisk sableé
Inspir'd, with vizard-Masque holds reparteé.
After the Play in joulting Hack he goes,
Where his companions have their Rendevouz.
In pairs they meet; and Ala mode of France
They sup, they have the fiddles too and dance:
Tow'rds morning, when they think of going home,
Each Gallant on a Couch in the next room,
In's turn, takes gentle solace with his Punk;
Drops her a Guinney, and sends her home half drunk.
All of that Gang by this confession too
Are lost. Ladies, our Author trusts in you.
[Page]He is a man as modest for his age,
As most you've seen, who know him dare engage
That he has kept 'till now his pusillage.
But alas! the world to that pass is grown,
The modish women are asham'd to own
A sober man: to like his Play will be,
As great a scandal as his companie.
For he observes, and it is very true,
That modesty's not much approv'd in you.
And is of late so out of fashion grown,
She that is honest scarcely dares it own.
But does, howe'er her mind affected is,
Put on the brisk gay carriage of a Miss.
But Ladies, hope the Poet one day may
Converted be; for he that writes a Play,
If not debauch'd, yet is in a fair way.
To gain your favours he resolves to be
In all the Town the greatest debaucheé:
And in a very little time may grow
Debauch'd enough to be asham'd of you.

ERRATA.

PAge 3. line 10. for does, read you. p. 11. l. 26. f. Ah I Lucia, r. Ah Lucia. p. 17. l. 3. f. purrey, r. parry. p. 17. l. 10. f. capritius's r. capricioes. p. 18. l. 16. f. wants which whet, r. want which whets. p. 33. l. 4. f. on, r. in. p. 33. l. 29. f. exclude, r. se­clude. p. 34. l. 14. f. How, Sir? a, r. How, Sir? Jord. A. p. 39. l. 9. f. so many, r. so much. p. 47. l. 9. f. what, r. why. p. 48. l. 1. f. clear, r. chear. p. 56. l. 22. f. you inte­rest, r. your interest, p. 72. l. 27. f. swoon'd, r. swoonded. In the Prologue at the Middle­temple, l. 14. in some f. do moere, r. do no more.

THE CITIZEN TURNED Gentleman, &c.

ACT I. SCENE I.

The Curtain draws up and discovers the Musick Master siting at a Table surrounded by Musicians Composing, the Dancing Ma­ster and Dancers practising steps on each side of the Stage.
Enter Mr Jorden in a Morning-Gown, Jaques, Foot-boy.
Iord.

SO, so, Gentlemen, I see you are at it, come let's have a sight of your little Droll.

Mus. Mast.

How, Sir, our Droll?

Iord.

Eh, your what do you call't, your Pro­logue of Song and Dance.

Danc. Mast.

Ah, ah, ah.

Mus. Mast.

Our Dialogue you mean, well 'tis ready.

Iord.

I have made you stay a little too long, but as I am a Gentleman, and as I hope to be a Knight, (mark that, for so I mean to be once in my life) my Taylor was in fault.

Danc. Mast.
[Page 2]

We wait your leisure with a great deal of willingness.

Iord.

He brought home this Indian Gown, Cap and Slip­pers,—how do you like 'em?

Mus. Mast.

Extreamly well.

Danc. Mast.

You appear very graceful.

Iord.

So, so, Iack—Boy.

Boy.

Here, Sir; what would you please to have?

Iord.

Nothing, I called to see if you be diligent in your attendance: how do you like my livery?

Mus. Mast.

Very fine and noble.

Iord.

Jack?

Iaq.

Who do he speak to?

Boy.

To you.

Iaq.

Begar den let him call me be me name, me be no shauck.

Iord.

Iack, come hither Iack.

Iaq.

Shauck, me be no shauck, call your Englishman shauck, me be called Maitre Iaques.

Iord.

Master Iack come hither.

Iaq.

Ho, ho, dat be ver well, here be your tres humble, and tres obeisant vallet.

Iord.

Hold back my Gown, and you Sarrah hold back the other side,—so, see Gentlemen, here is a little loose morn­ing garb, does it please you?

Mus. Mast.

Wonderfully.

Danc. Mast.

Neat and Gentile.

Iord.

Stay, pull it off, that they may view me round—How do you like me from top to toe?

Mus. Mast.

Your habit is worthy admiration.

Danc. Mast.

Gallant from head to foot.

Iord.

My Suit will come home by and by, that will be fine indeed.

Danc. Mast.

The ceremony requires it.

Iord.

Ha, you mean my Daughter's wedding, but know there is more in the wind than so: this day I am to be­gin to court a Mistress, a Knights Daughter, I'l assure you.

Mus. Mast.

And all our preparations are for her entertainment.

Iord.

And to render my self more acceptable, I have re­quired your helps to make me an accomplisht Gentleman; if [Page 3] singing and dancing won't win her, the Devil's in her.—Well, I'l see your Dance rehearsed; but first let me hear the Song.

SONG.
I sigh all the night, and I languish all day,
And much to be pitty'd I am:
E'er since your bright eyes, my heart did surprise
I could not extinguish the flame:
But you, since y'ave known my heart was your own,
Tho' before you was kind, now scornful are grown:
If so cruel you prove
To the man that does love;
Ah Phyllis! Ah! Phyllis, what fate
Have you in reserve for the wretch that you hate?
Danc. Mast. Mus. Mast.

Very well.

Iord.

But me thinks this Song is a little too doleful, and enough to put a woman into the dumps, if she have any kindness for me.

Mus. Mast.

'Tis a delicate Air, and the words are not amiss.

Iord.

I learnt a very pretty one t'other day of a friend; stay, how begins it?

Mus. Mast.

Nay, I know not:

Iord.

There is something of Mutton in it.

Danc. Mast.

Mutton?

Iord.

Yes,—oh, no, no, no, 'twas Lamb—ah—I have it.

He sings.
SONG.
My Mistress is as kind as fair,
My Mistress is as kind as fair,
And as gentle as Lambs are;
And yet alass, alass, ah lass,
Sometimes to me
She'l as cruel be,
As in the woodfierce Wolves and Tygers are.

[Page 4]Is it not very sprightly?

Mus. Mast.

As can be.

Danc. Mast.

And you humour it well.

Iord.

Well, now for my dancing, and because the Morn­ing is far spent, I will only practise over the Minuets: Ah, of all Dances that pleases me most.

Danc. Mast.

Come, Sir, begin; your hat, Sir, so now your honour: La, la, fa, la, la, fa, la, la, (bis)

Dances aukerdly.

not too fast, la, la, la, la, keep you leg▪ straight, la, la, la, don't hunch up your shoulders so; la, la, fa, la, la, la, la, you carry your arms as if they were broken, la, la, la, la, la, hold up your head, keep your toes out, la, la, la, don't loll out your tongue, la, la, la, and make such faces, la, la, la, la, as if you were on the close-stool, la, la, la, &c. so, so.

Iord.

Euh!

Mus. Mast.

very well.

Danc. Mast.

I hope to get credit by him.

Mus. Mast.

Money you mean: Well Mr. Iordan, it is not enough to proceed thus alone, but you would do well once a week to have a Musick Club at your house, and play and sing in consort, it will much benefit you.

Iord.

And so I will, now you put me in mind on't.

Danc. Mast.

And once a fortnight a Ball, you will have the whole Court with you, and all the fine Ladies of the Town.

Mus. Mast.

'Twill make you known at Court.

Danc. Mast.

And familiar with Noblemen: a Gentleman is known by what company he keeps.

Iord.

You advise well, sweet-hearts; but are you perfect at your Dialogue and Dance?

Mus. Mast.

We intend you shall see it perform'd.

Iord.

No, 'tis too late now: look they be perfect against dinner, and I am satisfied.

Danc. Mast.

I'l warrant the Dancers.

Mus. Mast.

And I'l ingage for the Musick.

Iord.

Well, your servant; stay, shew me with what reve­rence I ought to accost my Mistress, 'twill be the next thing I shall have need off.

Danc. Mast.

To do it with respect, you must first draw [Page 5] your leg behind you and bow, then march up towards her with three Congees forward, and at the last you bow so low as to kiss her hand; try it once over:—Very well; your servant.

Mus. Mast. Danc. Mast. Exeunt.
Iord.

Your servant.—Come now to my french lesson.

Mr. Iaq.

Vell, Sir, have you got te Catalogue of te French words me give you in your memoire.

Iord.

Yes, and I find I can bring 'em all in, in discourse with my Mistress; tho I can't talk French to her, 'twill be next to't, she'll think I can.

Iaq.

'Tis be me invention, and judge Maitre Iorden, if it be no ver rational, bevore me teash you te rules, you be inure to our langage, by making it as it vere your own.

Iord.

Nay, I think to make it our own is a very ready way to learn it.

Iaq.

And 'tis course vill ver much refine te English Land­guage: If you observe all travellers give te ver many littil graces to their discourse vith te tange of te French, you shall no hear speak, one sentence vithout Bon mein, jaunté devoir, efsort, &c.

Iord.

I have observ'd it. But to our Lesson, I am in haste.

Iaq.

Now proceed we to teash you te right pronunciation of te Vowels, because of Letters tey be te sheif, and no word is or can be vithout one or more of tem.

Iord.

Vowels, why are there any vowels in our Alphabet?

Iaq.

Yes, Sir, te number be fife, and te same vith yours, these be they, A, E, I, O, U. A be pronounce like a, u, au; As for Example in some English vords, all, fall, and no as in ale, stale.

Iord.

A, au.

Iaq.

Right, A opening strongly your moush, and drawing your jaws vide asunder.

Iord.

Au, right.

Iaq.

E, is pronunce by heaving te neather jaw to te upper, A, E.

Iord.

E, A, E, E, directly.

Iaq.

I be pronounce not as your English man do Latin, Qui mihi, but more like to te second vowel E; and is form by drawing your jaws yet more near den bevore, and drawing the two corners of your moush to te ears, A, E, I.

Iord.

A, E, I, I, I; Dad, 'tis true, may Learning flourish.

Iaq.
[Page 6]

O is form by opening te jaws, closing te lips at the two corner, and opening tem in te middile, O.

Iord.

Let me see that again.

Iaq.

O, O,

Iord.

Right, O, O, O, nothing more true, A, E, I, O, O, I, O; ah, 'tis admirable.

Iaq.

Te opening of te moush is a little round representing one O.

Iord.

What a fine thing is knowledge!

Iaq.

U be form by approashing te teet vithout quite joyn­ing them; trusting your lips at full length from your face, ap­proashing also one te oder vithout closing, and tis vowel re­quires te strongest and te freest expiration of your breat of any Letter vhatsoere.

Iord.

U, U.

Iaq.

Not as you pronounce it, like You, more like Eu, u, vith a long breating out of our breat.

Iord.

Like Eu, u.

Iaq.

Right, u, as if you made a moush to mock somebody. To morrow, Sir, we'l proceed to te Dipthongs which be eleven, and te next day ve'l mannage te consonants.

Iord.

Consonants?

Iaq.

Tey are te oter Letters.

Iord.

I shall make a shift to learn 'em all at once, I am pret­ty apt because I bend my mind to't.

Iaq.

Noting is hard to a villing mind.

Iord.

But how many did you say the five vowels were?

Iaq.

You nam'd te number, fife, Sir, fife.

Iord.

Right, the five vowels are five, I'l note that down in my Table-book: numbers are the worst things can be trusted to my memory. A Lady at Court yesterday morning asked me how many the ten Commandements were, and I protest I had forgot: I have noted this next to that.

Iaq.

Tings ve no oft tink off soon run out of te brain.

Iord.

Well, what is a good expression to break ones mind to a Lady, and to let her know I love her?

Iaq.

Be you in love den Maitre?

Iord.

Yes.

Iaq.

Vith whom?

Iord.

Truly I have never yet seen her, but I shall anon.

Iaq.
[Page 7]

Vell, Sir, vou'd you have te expression in Prose or in te Verse?

Iord.

Not in Verse.

Iaq.

In prose den?

Iord.

No, nor in Prose: I would have it neither in Prose nor Verse.

Iaq.

Jerne, it must be in one or te oder.

Iord.

Why so, if I won't have it so?

Iaq.

Because, Sir, all expression be in te one or te oter.

Iord.

What have we nothing but Prose and Verse? what a mad language is ours? I'l learn French so much the sooner for't.

Iaq.

Dat be te same in all languages, dat vich is no Prose is Verse, and dat vich is no Verse is Prose.

Iord.

What is it we talk now?

Iaq.

Prose.

Iord.

Well, if I say to my Mistress, Fair Lady, the lustre of your fair eyes doe wound my heart.

Iaq.

Dat be te Prose: you may add, and their bright flame has burnt it to a Cinder.

Iord.

Well, I'l study a speech, I warrant you.

Enter Boy.
Boy.

The Tayler, Sir, has sent your suit home again.

Iord.

Ah, the shoulder-knot stands right now: go fetch my Sword and Belt, my Hat and Periwig, that I may dress me presently.

Exit Boy.
Enter Lucia.
Luc.

Sir, Here's a servant sent to you from the next house, to inform you that there are some persons sick, and to de­sire they may not be disturbed with your Musick.

Iord.

The Musick has been gone a good while.

Luc.

The Neighbours say 'tis fitter for you to exercise your Musick, Dancing and Fencing in the Schools.

Iord.

A company of fools, they'll teach a Gentleman what to do, will they?

Luc.

Your gentility is troublesome to the whole Neigh­bourhood: they have often complain'd of the disturbance you make with Musick, Dancing and Fencing.

Iord.

Pish, a man shan't learn good breeding for them I [Page 8] warrant you, 'tis a sign they want it, they are so rude to talk so: What's a Gentleman but his liberty?

Luc.

Every body much wonders what you mean by learn­ing to dance at these years.

Iord.

It's a greater wonder they are not so wise as to know, 'tis never too late to learn.

Luc.

And to speak French.

Iord.

It is altogether spoke at Court.

Luc.

The Court, Sir, is no fit place for you, nor you no fit man for it.

Iord.

I not fit for the Court! I was born a Courtier, only I was spoil'd in the bringing up.

Luc.

My Grand-father, Sir, brought you up in his own way.

Iord.

Your Grand-father! alas poor old silly Citt, I cannot but laugh to think what an Aufe he was to imagine that I would stand sneaking in my Shop all my life with my Cap in my hand, crying, What do you lack, Gentlemen, choice of good Silkes: I'd have you to know Lucia, I have no such Mecha­nick Spirit in me. Now he is dead, I defie Pater-Noster-Row, and all within my Lord Mayor's jurisdiction.

Luc.

My Grand-father, Sir, was held a wise man.

Iord.

A wise man, and an Alderman, ha, ha, ha. A rich man you mean.

Luc.

No, Sir, I mean a wise man.

Iord.

Alas, Luce, you are a fool, you know not what you say.

Luc.

Very well.

Iord.

Very well! ha, ha, ha, why, what is it you say?

Luc.

That the Court—

Iord.

I speak not now of the Court, I ask, if you know, what it is you say?

Luc.

And I tell you, Sir, I say that the Court—

Iord.

Pish, the Girl's a fool; I say again I talk not now of the Court, but ask you if you know what this is you speak to me and I to you?

Luc.

What is it? 'tis English.

Iord.

True, but what else?

Luc.

Nothing else, 'tis every word English.

Iord.
[Page 9]

Was there ever such a dunce? what are these words?

Luc.

What are these words?

Iord.

Yes: What?

Luc.

Letters make Syllables, syllables words, words senten­ces, and sentences a discourse.

Iord.

And is this all you know?

Luc.

Yes.

Iord.

God help your head, what a fine fellow shou'd I be, were I as ignorant as your self.

Luc.

Where lies my ignorance? what was it I said, say you?

Iord.

'Twas Prose you fool.

Luc.

Prose!

Iord.

Yes Prose, all that is prose is not verse, and all that is not verse is not prose: La you there now: Do you know what it is you do, when you say U?

Luc.

I say U.

Iord.

Pish—but what do you do then? Come, say U.

Luc.

Well Sir, U.

Iord.

Well; what did you do then?

Luc.

I did as you bid me.

Iord.

Invincible stupidity, you open'd your mouth, thrust your lips out at length forward, let your under jaw fall al­most to meet the upper, and strongly sent out your breath—U—see there—U—as it were make a mouth at one—U—I cou'd puzle you too, with asking you how many the five vow­els are, and tell you as much of every one of them—this 'tis to be a Vertoso.—Hah—this fencing-master comes not yet—Boy, run toth' door, and when you see him coming, bring me word.

Boy Exit.
Luc.

These exercises of fencing and dancing in my opinion were fitter for my brother, he is not above twenty years old.

Iord.

Your Brother—puh—he can ne'r be a Gentleman. I was born a Citizen my self, and his Mother was a Citizen born, he was not allyed to gentility on either side, forty or fifty pounds a year will maintain him in his native quality—but for you daughter, because you are a gentlewoman by your Mothers side, I have provided better; you shall be married to the Suffolk Knight that will be here anon; the Articles of Marriage are agreed upon by your Uncle who is his towns­man. The writings are already drawn and sent up with the settlement of your Joynture, and provision for younger Chil­dren; [Page 10] if he comes time enough you shall be married to day.

Luc.

To day?

Iord.

Yes, to day, for I long to have a Gentleman, and a Knight for my Son-in-Law.

Luc.

I have no ambition to be a Lady.

Iord.

I have.

Luc.

Marry him your self then.

Iord.

If you anger me, I'l make you a Dutchess, a Countess at least.

Luc.

Truly I have no mind.

Iord.

Truly I have a mind.

Luc.

I would not marry yet.

Iord.

Yet you shall marry.

Luc.

Not Sir Simon.

Iord.

Yes Sir Simon.

Luc.

He is a fool, Father.

Iord.

Therefore you are a worse fool if you refuse him.

Luc.

If I marry I'l have none but Master Cleverwit.

Iord.

But Master Cleverwit will have none of you.

Luc.

Will you stand to that? shall I have him if he'l have me?

Iord.

Yes, if you'l marry Sir Simon, if he refuses you.

Luc.

Agreed.

Enter Cleverwit.
Iord.

Oh! here he comes to our purpose. Master Clever­wit, do you love my Daughter?

Clev.

I did once Sir.

Iord.

Wou'd you have her still?

Clev.

You discharged me, and I would not do her that wrong, (since you have provided a Knight, and a richer man for her Husband) to be her hindrance.

Iord.

La you there; I told you so.

Luc.

False man!

Clev.

Besides, Sir, you know I told you I have engag'd my self elsewhere.

Luc.

Oh heavens! am I then forsaken?

Iord.

Yes indeed, Sir Simon will down with you anon as much a fool as he is.

Clev.

Besides, I have so entire a friendship for you, that did I love her still as once I did, I wou'd refuse her tho' you wou'd double her portion, and say take her, if you did not judge it convenient.

Iord.
[Page 11]

I know you are a worthy person, and my good friend; and truly Sir, had you not told me your Father was not a Gen­tleman, but a Citizen, you should have had her before any man.

Clev.

I thank you Sir.

Iord.

Now Master Cleverwit pray be you Judge; ought not my Daughter to marry Sir Simon?

Clev.

Without doubt: he is a Knight?

Iord.

Yes Sir.

Clev.

He is a fool too?

Iord.

A little shallow my Brother writes me word, but that is a blot in many a Knights Escutcheon.

Clev.

So much the better for her.

Iord.

Aye Sir, as how?

Clev.

She that wedds a Fool, marries her self to his Estate—she'l have all, do all, dispose of all, and rule the rost as long as she lives.

Enter a Boy.
Boy.

Sir, there is one without would speak with you.

Iord.

I will be with you again presently; in the mean time pray take some pains with the baggage; you have powerful reasons, and can perswade.

Clev.

I'l labour to serve you—but my self first—

aside.
Iord. and Boy Exeunt.
Luc.

Perfidious man! is it thus you use a Maid that loved you? was it not crime enough to be unconstant to deprive me of your self, but to condemn me with your own mouth to marry one I ne'r can love?

Clev.

Ah I, Lucia!

Luc.

Nothing but this proof of your hatred can dispossess my heart of Love. But I will dye rather than let it return tho' you'd be constant.

Clev.

Now is the time to tell you—

Luc.

No, to make the wound mortal, I will hear no cause of your infidelity, nor can you have a just pretence: farewel, farewel.

Clev.

Lucia stay.

Luc.

Why do you hold me?

Clev.

Hear me, speak, or if you needs will go, go undeceiv'd.

Luc.
[Page 12]

Speak then what you would say in as few words as you can.

Clev.

My inconstancy, dearest Lucia, was but feigned, and a disguise to carry on a plot laid to divert your expected Lover, and preserve you mine.

Luc.

You maintain'd your Rivals cause, and sooth'd my fa­ther in his injustice.

Clev.

I have, ere since I heard the news of your new Lover, prepar'd him for this revolt: long since I declar'd to him I was engag'd to another, and showed this compliance, that he might not suspect fire hid under the ashes.

Luc.

If this be true, make use of these few minutes to inform me what inventions you have fram'd to divert this unlucky marriage?

Clev.

Be not inquisitive to know what tricks we mean to play; you shall as in Comedies have the divertisement of the surprise; let it suffice to tell you, Trickmore is the main engine. I sent him last night to stay at the Inn where the Coach lies, to take a strict view of him and his Retinue, and to make as great a discovery of our Knight Errant as he can, that we may the better know how to manage him.

Luc.

My Father returns.—

Enter Iorden.
Clev.

A Daughters reputation is safe no longer than her obe­dience continues, and a Daughter ought not to regard whe­ther her Husband be handsome or wise, when a Parent com­mands: Riches, and Gentility are above Youth and Beauty▪ they fade in the marriage-bed, the other accompany you to the grave, and descend to posterity.

Iord.

Oh Sir, you are a good man, you speak admirable things.

Clev.

Sir, I have almost prevailed, and she will be brought with a little more counsel to obey you.

Iord.

How happy is our Family in such a friend, how pleas'd I am you give me hopes I shall see my Daughter a Lady to night and that I shall have a Knight for my Son-in-Law.

Clev.

But can it be to night?

[Page 13]Enter a Boy and T. Trickmore in disguise.
Iord.

Yes, Sir Simon arrived late last night, and sent me word just now, that he will be here within this hour, or a lit­tle more, but I'l immediately take Coach and go to him, for I am impatient to see my Son-in-Law.

Clev.

Sir Simon arrived, and no news from Trickmore yet?

Aside.
Boy.

Sir, here is one come from your Fencing-master to speak with you.

Trick.

Sir, are you Master Iorden?

Iord.

Yes Sir, I am Master Iorden.

Trick.

Your Fencing-master is sick, very sick, and cannot come to day, but has sent me in's place to give you Lesson.

Iord.

Well, now I don't know whether 'tis best to go or stay.

Clev.

Oh stay Sir by all means, now the man is come.

Trick.

Sir, if you please to stay, you shall learn more in one half quarter of an hour, than e're you yet learnt in your whole life.

Clev.

There's encouragement.

Trick.

I'l show you a trick to undo all you fence with.

Iord.

Say you so, come then—Boy take my gown.

Clev.

Sir, we'l take a walk in the Garden; with a little more pains, I shall perfect her obedience.

Iord.

Your servant Sir,—Lucie, you'l remember to go to Mistris Manira at the time appointed, and wait on her hither.

Luc.

Yes Sir.

Iord.

And when you go, present her with this ring as a to­ken of my love.

Clev. Luc. Exeunt.
Trickmore throws off his Cloak and appears accouter'd like a Fencing-Master, with Foiles under his Arm.
Trick.

Come Sir, your reverence—Your body straight, let your body lay a little more stress on your left thigh, your legs not so stradling, your feet in a direct line, your wrist joint opposite to your hip, the point of your Sword over against your shoulder, your arm not so much extended, your left hand in level with your eye, your left shoulder more turn'd, your [Page 14] head upright, your eye fixed,—Advance. Your body steady; one, two, as you were, redouble, your foot fixt, a leap back—When you make a thrust you must let your sword move before your body: One, two; come Sir, take me in tierce, home, home, advance, your body steady, advance, thrust: one, two, as you were, redouble, a leap back, to your guard Sir, to your guard.

Iord.

Euh, euh—well now for the trick—

Tr. hits him 2 or 3 pushes with his foile, as he cryes to your guard.
Trick.

Sir, it is too rare to show to every one, if you please let the Boy depart the room, your man may stay, but he must swear secresie.

Iord.

Do you hear?—

Iaq.

Begar me be no Englishman, to tell all dat me see or know.

Trick.

Here, take you my Foile—come, suppose I was to fight against you two, I would kill you both.

Iord.

Both!

Trick.

Both.

Iaq.

Oh dat be te brag—Alloon—mort bleu.

Trick.

To your postures—now—

Trick. draws his sword, Jaq. throws down his Foile.
Iaq.

Begar and so me tink, we two foiles against your sword—no—no—pardonnè moy—

Trick.

Well, now—'tis in the scabbard.

Iaq.

Kill me now and you can.

Trick.

To your postures then—so—look to your hits.

Iaq.

Come—

Trick.

Ah, ah, what art—avant a Ghost—there—

Trick. Looks as affrighted, they both look behind them, he gives each a good push with his sword.
Iord.

Euh—

Iaq.

Euh—

Trick.

Now had you bin both kil'd or no?—there's a trick for you.

Iord.

I, but I warrant you I would not be killed so a se­cond time.

Trick.

Come to your postures again, each fix his eye on the point of his sword; now suppose your enemy was before you, you a first, and he your second.

Iord.
[Page 15]

Nay, we'l look to our selves, now we know your tricks.

Trick.

Suppose I was placed by your enemies in a hedge be­hind to make a noyse, that might cause you to look back.

Iaq.

No, no, we no look back.

Trick.

I wager a crown with you Master Iorden, you look back, tho' you are forewarned.

Iord.

Done.

Iaq.

Done with me too.

Trick.

Done: well, prepare—so, ho, ho, ho, not yet—lo, ho—lo, ho—not yet—well, I shall have you anon.

Trick. Hallows, and takes Jord. cloaths.
T. Exit.
They stand still in their postures.
Enter Cleverwit.
Clev.

Your Daughter Master Iorden

Iord.

Aye, aye, I hear you Sir.

Clev.

Is so well convinc'd.

Iord.

No, no, this wont do.

Clev.

Yes Sir, she'l do any thing, I have so convinc'd her of Sir Simon's good qualities, and your fatherly care,—

Iord.

Well Sir, I care not, I care not.

Clev.

That she is now extreamly rejoyced, and will be glad to see him come.

Iord.

O this trick wo'nt do.

Iaq.

No, no, we no lose te crown, I'l lay one more.

Clev.

There's some trick in't, they not so much as stir. What mean you, are ye both betwitcht?

aside.
Iord.

Oh, is he so cunning, to set you on to make us look back.

Clev.

He! what he? here is neither he nor she besides my self, and you two.

Iord.

Ha, no body!

Clev.

Yes, here comes Mistris Lucia▪

Enter Lucia.
Iaq.

Oh ho Maitre Iordan you look back, you lose your money—ha, no body here?

Jorden leaves his posture.
Clev.

Who do you look for?

Jaques leaves his posture.
Iord.

The Fencing-Master.

Cle.

He is not here—

Iord.

Gone!

Luc.
[Page 16]

I saw him go out in great hast.

Clev.

Sir Simon will be here before you are dressed.

Iord.

Give me my cloaths and dress me.

Iaq.

Cloaths! here be no cloaths; oh dam English trick, te Rogue steal all your cloaths.

Iord.

Ha! my Sute gone?—

Iaq.

Gone, Mounsieur, gone—

Clev.

Did he take 'em?—

Iaq.

Me say▪ nothing, me swear no to tell te secret.

Iord.

Sir, I am undone.

Luc.

He told you indeed, he'd teach you a trick to undo all you fenc'd with.

Iaq.

Ha, ha, dere be te jest o' te trick!

Iord.

I had not car'd a straw had but my Mistris seen't be­fore it went.

Clev.

Well Sir, let not this put you out of humour.

Iord.

No Sir, I am more a Gentleman.

Clev.

I'l after the thief, and see if I can recover your Sute.

Clev. Exit.
Iord.

If it is gone, farewel it, I have learnt a good trick by the bargain, I'l e'n put on some of my other Sutes, and stay till my Son-in-Law comes. Master Iack get the Sute rea­dy I wore yesterday.

Iaq. Exit.
Luc.

You see Sir what comes of your Fencing.

Iord.

My fencing I see sticks in your stomach: but I'l con­vince you presently. Take this Foile: now for demonstration;

Jord. Takes the Foiles, puts one into Lucias hand.

When you make a thrust in Quart, it is but to do so, when in Tierce, so: see there a sure way never to be kill'd; and is not this something think you, to know what a man has to trust to when he goes to fight his enemy? Come make a thrust now, that you may see the manner on't.

Lucia thrusts at Jorden, and pushes him five or six times; he gives back.

Euh, euh, euh—houh—hold, what's the Devil in the Wench?

Luc.

Did not you bid me thrust? now Sir what think you of your skill?

Iord.
[Page 17]

Yes, but you made a thrust in tierce, when you should have made a thrust in quart, and was so hasty, you'd not give a man time to purrey.

Luc.

You see what your fencing signifies.

Iord.

Go get you to Mrs. Marina's—I see what my pains signifie in indeavouring to make you wiser. It has been well observed,

To conquer Armies is not so hard to man,
As to o'ercome the ignorance in Woman.
Exeunt▪

ACT II. SCENE I.

Enter Young Jorden and Lucia.
Y. Iord.

HOw these visions of gallantry, and capritives of gentility still dance in my fathers fancy!

Luc.

His madness will undo us; me he'l mar­ry to one I ne'er shall love; you he will disinherit, and mar­ry again to get a Son that shall be a gentleman to succeed him in what will be your right.

Y. Iord.

I lament not so much he should marry, as that Marina should be his wife; nor that he should deprive me of his estate, as of her.

Luc.

Do you then love Marina?

Y. Iord.

I do, and ever shall. She did admit my addresses till my Father's pretensions interrupted the course of my love; her father, poor Knight, is old and decrepid, has but a very slender fortune, and is glad of this occasion to dispose of his daughter to a man of estate.

Luc.

Does Marina approve of my Fathers suit?

Y. Iord.

She is yet scarce well acquainted with it; but [Page 18] when she shall, I fear her obedience may dispose her will, for her father will be very urgent, being he can give her but little while he lives.

Luc.

I pitty your condition: without her you'l be unhappy, and with her you'l be miserable, unless my father would set­tle some part of his estate on you.

Y. Iord.

Two thousand pounds a year his folly throws a­way, and yet his hand is shut to me.

Luc.

Yet I observe you have always plenty of money.

Y. Iord.

I have a revenue coming in you know not of: I keep a Journey-man at work continually. The profits of the last half year came to five hundred pounds, which by gaming at the Groom-porters I have doubled.

Luc.

How found you out the secret?

Y. Iord.

Necessity is the Mother of Invention. Love made me sensible of my wants, and wants which whet men wits to do ill, taught me the means.

Luc.

Is it then an unlawful course?

Y. Iord.

Strangers when they hear of it may blame me, but all that know my condition, and my fathers humour, will ex­cuse my dealing. But here comes your Lover.

Enter Cleverwit and Trickmore.
Clev.

Madam, you have seen the first part of our intreague: this is that Fencer who gave your father so home a thrust this Morning.

Luc.

What, Mr. Trickmore!

Trick.

Yes, Madam, out of pitty I have sent him his Suit a­gain, for now the hour of Sir Simons absence being exspired, Mr. Iorden will expect to see him at his own house, and you shall see another tryal of Skill by way of prevention.

Y. Iord.

Where did you leave him?

Trick.

At the Inn in bed. I had notice this morning he was sending to advertise your father of his arrival; I dog'd the Messenger to know the result of his message, resolving to act as occasion required. At the door I o'ertook his Fencing­Master: And he being my old acquaintance, I made known to him my design, and obtain'd his consent to go in's place, [Page 19] and pass for his Usher: And this I did to prevent his journey to Sir Simon.

Clev.

But shou'd Sir Simon get abroad before you return to the Inn.

Trick.

There is one at his heels will do his work: My fellow Mounteback alias Doctor Cureal.

Luc.

Pray what manner of man is this Knight for a Lover?

Trick.

For his Figure it is beyond expression, ridicule e­nough.

Clev.

What brains has he?

Trick.

No more than our purpose requires. I'l tell you in what a pleasant posture I found him when I got to the Inn, last night. A servant chanc'd to leave open the door of the Room where he was at supper; looking in, I saw him sit at table with his Hostess, who was a notable fat burley Dame; he not being well after his journey, bespoak a Sack-posset, and invited her to the eating of it.

Clev.

So, but as to his posture,

Trick.

Twas thus. One leg with a slipper at the end of it (and that no very cleanly one) was laid upon one corner of the Table, the other in her lap, his left arm about her neck, embracing: in this manner he sat for some time, telling her the occasion of his coming to Town; that it was love▪ that his Mistress was such a one (naming you, Madam). His ho­stess to gratifie the relation he had made her, drank your health to him in the posset, he went to pledge it, but was ta­ken in the middle of his draught with a coughing and sneezing, which broak out with such a violence, that all he had drank flew out at his nose and mouth into his Land-ladies face; she making a start from her chair threw him backward, he keeps his hold, draws her after him; down comes she, the posset between 'em, and her coats over 'em. A terrible out­cry there was, and I ran in amongst the rest to help: when with much ado we had found the way to take her off the right end upward, there we saw Sir Simon lying half drown'd in posset, and half smother'd with Petty coats.

Clev.
[Page 20]

A very pleasant Relation.

Trick.

At last we got him up, but you wou'd have laugh'd to have seen how like Rogue and Whore they lookt, that had stood i'th' Pillory and been pelted with all the rotten eggs in the Parish.

Luc.

Alas poor Lover.

Trick.

You must think the bed was the next place after this. But yonder comes my setter, our game is not far off.

Enter Cureal.
Cur.

So ho, put your selves into a posture to receive the e­nemy, he's marching towards us.

Y. Iord.

Where have you left him?

Cur.

Coming along that street with a clutter of people a­bout him, as if he was some monster newly come from the Desarts of Arabia.

Luc.

Is he so remarkable to be taken notice off?

Cur.

You'l see anon with what an air Nature has design'd him.

Trick.

See, yonder he comes.

Enter Sir Simon with people and boys about him.
Luc.

Goodness, how he is hung together!

Trick.

These that haunt him, are some unlucky Prentices, whom I advised of his coming this way, on purpose that their rudeness shou'd give me an occasion to do him some piece of service which might endear me to him.

Clev.

Madam, I must not yet be seen by him, let us retire, and I'l give you instructions how to demean your self to your father, if in spight of all our endeavours he should come to the sight of him.

Exeunt.
Sir▪ Sim.

Very pretty, as I live; what's the matter? what wou'd you have? in my conscience the Devil's in the Town, and has possess'd all the people: Why, what a Devil ails ye all? cannot a man go along the streets without a Regiment of fools at his heels? What do you laugh at now? ye had more need go look after your wives at home, lest they make ye Monsters to be stared at; I believe I shall laugh at some of you before I leave the Town; and hau, hau, hau, too, the [Page 21] devil take me if I do not give the next I see laugh a douce o'th' chops.

Trick.

How now, what's the matter here gentlemen? what mean ye? who have ye got here? have ye nothing else to do but run staring and gaping after a gentleman, as if ye were all out of your wits?

Sir Sim.

Here is a man has some reason in him.

Aside.
Trick.

What is your business? what do ye snear at?

Sir Sim.

Aye, aye; at what, at what?

Trick.

Do ye see any thing about him that is ridiculous?

Sir Sim.

Aye, have I?

Trick.

Is he not like other people?

Sir Sim.

Aye, have I horns upon my head as some of you? or am I cloven footed?

Trick.

Go, go home, and learn better breeding.

Sir Sim.

That's good counsel, and take it y'ad best.

Trick.

The Gentleman is a Knight.

Sir Sim.

Aye.

Trick.

The heir of an honourable Family:

Sir Sim.

Aye.

Trick.

His Ancesters deserv'd well of his Country.

Sir Sim.

Aye.

Trick.

And he no less.

Sir Sim.

Aye.

Trick.

His behaviour challenges respect.

Sir Sim.

Aye.

Trick.

He is one of singular, parts.

Sir Sim.

Aye.

Trick.

He has been a Traveller.

Sir Sim.

Aye, marry have I.

Trick.

He honours the Town with his presence.

Sir Sim.

An understanding fellow this, I believe he's well bred.

Trick.

He is not a person to be affronted and laugh'd at.

Sir Sim.

No, they are mistaken in their man if they think so.

Trick.

If ye go not about your business, I will handle some of ye without mittens: go, be gone.

Trickmore drives the people out.
Sir Sim.
[Page 22]

Sir, I am most hugeously obliged to you.

Trick.

I am troubled, Sir, to see such a person as you treated so rudely, and I ask your pardon for the whole Town.

Sir Sim.

Your servant, Sir.

Trick.

Sir, I had the honour to lodge in the same Inn with you last night, when I understood by your servant who you was, I had a great presumption to do you some piece of service—

Sir Sim.

What does this fellow expect now? Money?

Aside.
Trick.

And it was my good fortune to pass by the door of your Room where you was at supper, just as the out-cry was, and these hands had the honour to disengage you from being smother'd by the gentlewoman of the house, when you was overthrown by that unlucky accident, and your Hostess whelm'd over you.

Sir Sim.

Was you there then?

Trick.

I was, Sir.

Sir Sim.

I was so blinded with Sack-posset I could not see my deliverers.

Trick.

I am glad I am again so happy to do you another piece of service.

Sir Sim.
Aside

I must give him something. Sir, pray let me requite your services with a piece of gold.

Trick.

By no means, Sir, I am not covetous of any thing but to do you service; pray put it up again. I have con­ceived a great inclination to serve you, and the honour shall be the only reward.

Sir Sim.

An honest fellow this. Well Sir, I remain behind­hand with you in courtesies.

Aside.
Trick.

Pray let me kiss your hand.

Trickmore kisses Sir Simon's hand.
Sir Sim.

In my life I never met with such a civil fellow.

Trick.

Your physiognomy takes me extreamly.

Sir Sim.

Ah, ha.

Trick.

I see much gallantry in it.

Sir Sim.

Ah, ha.

Trick.

Something very taking.

Sir Sim.

Ah, ha.

Trick.

Manly and brave.

Sir Sim.

Ah ha.

Trick.
[Page 23]

Frank and generous.

Sir Sim.

Ah, ha.

Trick.

I swear to you I am wholly engaged to serve you.

Sir Sim.

I find it.

Trick.

If I had the honour to be known to you, you'd say I was a man very sincere.

Sir Sim.

I doubt not.

Trick.

An utter enemy to knavery.

Sir Sim.

I believe it.

Trick.

And one that is not capable to disguise his thoughts.

Sir Sim.

Plain dealing is a Jewel.

Trick.

And I use it; yet in spight of the fag end of the Pro­verb am no beggar.

Enter to them Cleverwit.
Clev.

Ha! who is this I see? Sir Simon Softhead! I am ravisht to see you; Oh what a joy I feel at sight of you! What it seems you scarce know me.

Sir Sim.

Sir Simon is your servant, Sir.

Clev.

Out of sight out of mind I see: but is't possible six or seven years should blot me out of your memory? It's strange that in so short a time you should forget one that professes him­self the greatest friend and servant to the family of the Soft­heads of any man breathing.

Sir Sim.

Oh pray pardon me there—Faith I know him not.

To Trickmore aside.
Clev.

There is scarce one of that Family that I do not know as well as I know you, when I lived at Berry, there was no doing without me, I was always amongst 'em, I had the honour to see you there almost every day.

Sir Sim.

You shall excuse me, Sir, 'twas I received the ho­nour—I never saw his face before.

To Trickmore▪
Clev.

You cannot call me to mind yet.

Sir Sim.

Pray excuse me for that.—I know not who it is, not I.

To Trickmore.
Clev.

Don't you remember we went often together to drink?

Sir Sim.

O Yes.—But let me be hang'd if I remember any thing like it.

To Trickmore.
Clev.
[Page 24]

How do you call the little witty Knave that used to make us so welcome at his house?

Sir Sim.

Oh, little Iohn.

Clev.

Right, we went often thither to be merry: but what is become of his pretty daughter?

Sir Sim.

He had ne'er a daughter.

Clev.

He ne'er a daughter! What not a witty little baggage you us'd to run after to kiss from one room to another?

Sir Sim.

Oh, I know where abouts you are now, you mean, I warrant you, little Peggy.

Clev.

Aye, Peggy, by the same token was her name.

Sir Sim.

She was George Goodale's Daughter at the Rose. Why, she's marryed.

Clev.

Is She? Pray how do you call the place at Berry, where they us'd to walk?

Sir Sim.

Oh, the Green.

Clev.

Directly, 'twas there I passed so many hours of de­light in your good company: You do not remember this?

Sir Sim.

I not remember't? Not in the least: if I do, I wish the Devil fetch me.

To Trickmore.
Trick.

There are a hundred of these things a man for­gets.

Clev.

Let us embrace then, and renew our ancient amity.

Trick.

See now there is a man that loves you cordially.

Clev.

Pray tell me some news of your family, Sir Simon: how does that Gentleman—your—he that is such an honest good man?

Sir Sim.

My Brother-in-Law, the Justice of Peace?

Clev.

The same, the same.

Sir Sim.

Why, he is very well.

Clev.

I am very glad, I assure you; and he that's of so good an humour, the Gentleman,—your—

Sir Sim.

What my cousin Small-brain?

Clev.

Aye, Mr. Small-brain,—that I should forget his name! to see how quickly things run out of a man's head. But pray how does he do?

Sir Sim.
[Page 25]

He keeps his old humour, always merry and jo­cund.

Clev.

Troth you tell me good news. And pray Sir Simon how does your Uncle, the—

Sir Sim.

My Uncle? I have no Uncle.

Clev.

No? but you had at that time perhaps.

Sir Sim.

No, only an Aunt.

Clev.

Oh, 'tis her I mean: The Lady your Aunt, pray how does she?

Sir Sim.

She has been dead these six years.

Clev.

Indeed, I heard so, now I think on't, presently after I left the Country: Well, rest her soul, she was as good a Gentlewoman as lived.

Sir Sim.

We had also a Nephew that dyed of the small Pox.

Clev.

Oh what pitty it was, he was a hopeful young man.

Sir Sim.

Did you know him?

Clev.

Know him? he was a comely proper young Youth.

Sir Sim.

Not very proper.

Clev.

Yes, for his age.

Sir Sim.

Oh yes, for his age.

Clev.

If he was your Nephew, that I mean, he was the Son of your Sister and Brother.

Sir Sim.

Right, he was so.

Clev.

'Twas the same.

Sir Sim.

He knows all my Relations.

Trick.

He knows you better than you are aware of.

Clev.

I hope I shall oblige you to make my house your home while you stay in Town.

Sir Sim.

I am obliged to be at my Father-in-Laws.

Clev.

Are you married then, Sir Simon?

Sir Sim.

No, but all's agreed on.

Clev.

But however you shall dine with me to day.

Sir Sim.

I have sent▪ Mr. Iorden word I was coming, and he'l expect me I know at dinner.

Clev.

Mr. Iorden then is your Father-in-Law: Well, well, that shall not hinder my design, he is my Neigh­bour [Page 26] and intimate friend, we are as it were brothers▪

Sir Sim.

Indeed!

Clev.

You shall stay, and I'l send for him to dinner too.

Sir Sim.

'Twill be a trouble, and—

Clev.

No excuse Sir Simon, for by my soul you shall; I have sworn it.

Trick.

Since he so importunes you, accept it; he has sworn it, and 'twill not be courteous to refuse him now.

Clev.

Where are your Servants, and Portmanteau?

Sir Sim.

Truly my coming was in great haste▪, and for expedition, I left all but one man behind, and he is at the Inn where the Coach lyes.

Trick.

Sir Simon, I will, if you please, wait on you to the Inn where your man stays, and then help you to find this Gen­tleman's house. Pray where abouts is it, Sir?

Clev.

This is the house.

Trick.

We'l be with you in a trice.

Clev.

I will in, and give orders for your reception; you shall find me here at your return.

Sir Sim.

I'l not fail to trouble you.

Clev.

I'l wait your coming with impatience.

Cleverwit Exit.
Trick.

He has the carriage of a fine Gentleman.

Sir Sim.

Ah, ha, he, a good jest, a good jest i▪faith.

Trick.

What occcasions your mirth?

Sir Sim.

Ha, ha, he, why I don't know that I ever saw a­ny such man before in my life.

Trick.

No?

Sir Sim.

No, as I live, not I.

Trick.

Come, Sir, no matter, he knows you.

Exeunt.
Enter Young Jorden and Cureal, as from over-hearing.
Cur.

So, he has trussed his Quarrey: how do you like Sir Si­mon for a womans man?

Y. Iord.

Sure there is no woman in the world so necessitated to venture on him.

Cur.

O many.

Y. Iord.

Not she that wears a stiff Busk to keep down a [Page 27] great belly, and is to pass for a Maid still; or she that is forc'd to come to a Play in a Vizard-Mask to pick up a gallant to give her a Supper.

Cur.

Ha, ha, ha.

Y. Iord.

Nay, not she that has lived to be a stale Maid, and is convinc'd by her own imperfections that she shall never know any pleasure, but what her own art and industry can create, but would think her self cast away on him.

Cur.

O, Sir, a Country Knight will down with many Court and City Ladies, 'tis a great convenience to have a hus­band that is blind in his reason, and is not clear enough sighted in's understanding to see the shadow his horns cast.

Enter Jorden on one side, a Foot-boy on the other, and gives Cureal a Letter, who reads it.
Y. Iord.

Here is the Court Doctor come, I believe for some more of your money.

Iord.

Speak of him with respect, he is a person of great importance, he talks to the King and Nobles at Court as fa­miliarly as I to you.

Y. Iord.

Yes, he wants neither confidence nor impudence.

Iord.

He does me the honour to come often to me; is't not an honour▪ think you, to be visited by one of the Kings Phy­sicians, and a Favourite too as he is?

Y. Iord.

He is the best paid for his visits to you of any Do­ctor in Town, let him visit Lord, Duke, or King.

Iord.

He does me the honour to let me lend him a sum of money now and then: Can I do less than lend it to a man that is in favour at Court, and calls me his friend?

Y. Iord.

What courtesies does he do you?

Iord.

More than you are aware of.

Y. Iord.

Yes, he does you the favour to borrow money of you rather than of any body else.

Iord.

Aye, and more than so, he had rather borrow ten times of me than once of any other man living; and does it so Courtly and Gentleman like.

Y. Iord.

And pays it so frankly, and with so good a grace.

Iord.
[Page 28]

When I please he will.

Y. Iord.

What security does he give you?

Iord.

His word▪ as he is a Gentleman.

Y. Iord.

You'l have it again without doubt, that is security enough.

Iord.

He shall command what he will.

Y. Iord.

No doubt.

Cur.

Tell your Lady I'l wait on her immediately.

Exit Boy.

My dear friend Mr. Iorden how do you, Sir?

Y. Jorden retires.
Iord.

Well, to do you service.

Cur.

Y'are very modish and fine in this habit, you exceed all the young Gallants at Court.

Iord.

Hay, hay.

Cur.

Turn you—Gallant all over.

Iord.

Pretty well: e'en as the Taylor pleas'd.

Cur.

I know not what is the matter Mr. Iorden, I am ne­ver so well as when I am with you, you are the man of all the world I most esteem and love, I was speaking of you this morning to the King as I stood by his bed-side.

Iord.

To the King! You did me a great honour I vow.

Cur.

What mean you, Sir? pray put on—

Iord.

I know my respect to you.

Cur.

Fie Mr. Iorden, no ceremony among friends.

Iord.

Nay, Mr. Doctor.

Cur.

You must, Sir, by all means: you are my friend.

Iord.

I am your servant, Sir.

Cur.

I protest I will not, till you are cover'd.

Iord.

I had rather be uncivil than troublesome.

Cur.

Well, Sir, as I was saying, I spoke of you to the King▪ and he has given order the Patent be made, and commands me to bring you to him, and he'l confer on you the honour of Knighthood; he shewed much joy and willingness when I told him, and was much pleased when I mentioned you to him.

Iord.

I am extreamly beholden to him.

Cur.

Name what day I shall wait on you to kiss his Maje­sties hand, and I'l advise you if he will be at leasure.

Iord.
[Page 29]

Your servant, Sir; as soon as you please: to day I cannot, but to morrow—

Cur.

To morrow I cannot neither▪ Well▪ let it alone a day or two till the Patent is ready for the Seal.

Iord.

I wou'd have it so soon as I could.

Cur.

I might get it done to day peradventure, if I had the money ready to give in fees, and something a little extraor­dinary, and so forth as you know.

Iord.

What will do?

Cur.

Let me have two hundred pounds, and for what is o­ver I'l be accountable.

Iord.

I have that sum here in gold.

Cur.

It may be, less may do.

Iord.

Well, Sir, pray take purse and all.

Cur.

So, leave it to my management, this will hasten the dispatch. But now Mr. Iorden, Sir Ionathan Iorden that shortly will be: As to my affairs, you know I stand indebted to you.

Iord.

A few dribbling sums, Sir.

Cur.

And you lent 'em me very frankly, and with a great deal of generosity, and much like a Gentleman.

Iord.

Y'are pleas'd to say so, Mr. Doctor.

Cur.

But I know how to receive kindnesses, and to make returns according to the merits of the person that obliges me.

Iord.

No man better.

Cur.

Therefore pray let's see how our accounts stand.

Iord.

They are down here in my Table-book.

Cur.

I am a man that love to acquit my self of all obligati­ons as soon—

Iord.

See the Memorandum.

Cur.

You have set it all down?

Iord.

All.

Cur.

Pray read.

Iord.

Lent the second time I saw you one hundred Guin­neys.

Cur.

Right.

Iord.

Another time fifty.

Cur.

Yes.

Iord.

Lent for a certain occasion which you did not tell me, one hundred and fifty.

Cur.
[Page 30]

Did I not? that I should conceal any thing from my friend.

Iord.

No matter, Mr. Doctor.

Cur.

It looks like mistrust which is a wrong to friendship.

Iord.

O Lord, Mr. Doctor.

Cur.

I am so asham'd, for I dare trust my soul with you. I borrowed it, Mr. Iorden, to lend a person of Quality, whom I imployed to introduce me to the King, and recommend me to his particular favour, that I might be able to do you service in your affairs.

Iord.

O was it so, then that debt is as it were paid, I'l cross it out.

Cur.

By no means, Mr. Iorden, you shall have it▪ or I vow—

Iord.

Well, Sir, as you please.

Cur.

I vow, I wou'd ne'er have borrowed any of you again as long as I had lived. But proceed.

Iord.

Another time, one hundred.

Cur.

O that was to send into France to my wife to bring her over; but the Queen wou'd not part with her then, and since she is fallen sick.

Iord.

Alas.

Cur.

But pretty well recovered.

Iord.

These four sums make up four hundred Guinneys.

Cur.

Just as can be.

Cur.

A very good account; put down two hundred Guin­neys more, which I will borrow of you now, and then it will be just six hundred; that is, if it will be no inconvenience to you.

Iord.

Euh, not in the least.

Cur.

It is to make up a sum of two thousand pounds which I am about to lay out in houses I have bought: but if it will incommode you, I can have it elsewhere.

Iord.

O by no means.

Cur.

You need but tell me if it will be any trouble.

Iord.

Lord, Sir, that you will think so!

Cur.

I know some will be glad of the occasion to serve me; but these are favours only to be ask'd of special friends: And [Page 31] I thought you being my most esteem'd friend, would take it ill if you should come to hear of it, that I did not ask you first.

Iord.

It is a great honour, and you much oblige me in so freely giving me occasion to serve you. I'l go fetch it in­stantly.

Exit Jorden.
Enter Young Jorden.
Y. Iord.

Is he gone for the money?

Cur.

You'l be two hundred pieces richer if he live but to come out again.

Y. Iord.

Did you find him easie?

Cur.

As a single-soaled-Shooe, he did not want much draw­ing on, the hopes of Knighthood make him as loving.

Y. Iord.

You baited your hook well.

Cur.

We'l still keep him in play, that we may have t'other pluck at his purse-strings.

Y. Iord.

I wish you cou'd as successfully wheadle him out of Marina for me.

Cur▪

If your Mistress had but half so good an opinion of you as he has of me.

Y. Iord.

She has often admitted my courtship, and by that I guess she does not wish me ill. But could you not invent a way to break off my Fathers correspondence with the old Knight her Father, and especially prevent his treating her to day? his courtship is now but beginning to her▪

Cur.

By no means▪ to put him by, were to make you lose many opportunities of seeing and discoursing with her: Con­ceal your love, and you'l find, not to discourage his hopes will be to your advantage; Love, in time, will teach her to transgress that blind obedience which keeps her in sub­jection.

Y. Iord.

I hear him returning, I'l march off.

Cur.

When we have got the money, we'l consult of your Love.

Exit Young Jorden.
Enter to Cureal, Jorden.
Iord.

Look you Mr. Doctor, there are three hundred Guinneys.

Cur.
[Page 32]

Three hundred?

Iord.

True, you ask'd but for two, but I count the two no courtesie; the other hundred you shall give me leave to lend you without being ask'd, that I may be satisfied, I have done something may express my kindness to you.

Cur

Well, Mr. Iorden, you are the most a Gentleman for your time I ever saw in my life; this is the most heroical Act! Indeed I did not think it possible to have found out a way to oblige a friend at such a high rate.

Iord.

O, Sir, I am behind hand with you as to that.

Cur.

I am so ashamed, I know not how to imitate your ge­nerosity, and I have such a zeal to do you some piece of ser­vice. When will you and your daughter Mrs. Lucia come to a Ball at Court, and I'l carry you in, and place you among per­sons of Quality?

Iord.

The next time there is one, we'l both come.

Cur.

There will be one very suddenly.

Enter a Boy.
Boy.

Sir, Mrs. Lucia bid me acquaint you she is returned.

Iord.

Has she brought Mrs. Marina?

Boy.

There is a Lady with her, Sir.

Iord.

Tell her I am coming; bid her have her into the dining Room, and let all things be in readiness.

Exit Boy.
Cur.

Sir, I will take my leave.

Iord.

You shall walk in and take part of a Collation.

Cur.

I am sent for to a Lady of great Quality, who writes me word, I must not fall to visit her.

Iord.

But Mrs. Marina is come, you must needs go in and see my Mistress first.

Cur.

I have so natural a kindness for you, I can refuse you nothing.

Iord.

You oblige me.

Exeunt Jorden and Cureal.
Enter Young Jorden, Marina, Lucia.
Luc.

Madam, regard my Brothers youth, and sorrow, it is for you he sighs, and languishes; and tho▪ you cannot cure, yet ease his pain.

Mar.
[Page 33]

Were I permitted, dearest Lucia, to pursue my own inclinations, he should not unregarded grieve; but I am not at my one dispose: imagine your self in my condition, and tell me how you wou'd act on this occasion.

Luc.

Alas! I am subject to the same misfortune, and there­fore already qualified to be your Counsellor, and be assured I give no advice but what I take my self.

Mar.

Do you then encourage your Lover?

Luc.

To the utmost of my power.

Mar.

It will be too difficult for me on the sudden, for I have not yet pass'd my first blushes, tho' I receiv'd from him proofs of his love, I gave him not any acknowledgements of mine.

Y. Iord.

Nor wou'd I now put you to the trouble of in­venting such nice and wary words as Virgins use, when first they give encouragements to their Lover: let me interpret it from your actions, receive this trifle.

Luc.

Start not, Madam, he but presents you with a Ring of a small value, if you will not receive it from his hands, take it from mine: but wear it for his sake.

Y. Iord.

And with it take my heart.

Mar.

If I do more than I ought, yours, Madam, be the blame.

Y. Iord.

But fair Marina, if your Father will not give con­sent I marry you—

Mar.

I will declare to him my real inclinations.

Y. Iord.

But if he prove averse, and unalterable?

Mar.

I'l threaten to fly beyond Sea to a Nunnery, and for ever to exclude my self from the world.

Y. Iord.

But if in spight of all, he will force you to a Mar­riage?

Mar.

What wou'd you have me say?

Y. Iord.

That, which I fain would hear you say.

Mar.

What?

Y. Iord.

That which one wou'd say, who loves well.

Mar.

What is that?

Y. Iord.

That nothing shou'd compel you, and that against [Page 34] all endeavours of your Father to the contrary you wou'd pro­mise to be mine.

Mar.

Content your self with what I have already said and done, and attempt not to know the future resolutions of my heart, nor trouble your self with apprehensions of ex­tremities which may never happen, or if they do, suffer me to govern my self at all times according to the present state of affairs.

Enter Jorden, Cureal.
Iord.

Madam, a little further I pray.

Jorden having made two reverences, finds himself too near to make the third, he shoves her back from him.
Mar.

Sir, I?

Iord.

One step back, and please you.

Mar.

How Sir? a little retreit to make room for the third.

Cur.

Mr. Iorden, Madam, understands behaviour, and with what respect to approach a Lady.

Iord.

Madamoiselle, I beg pardon for my son.

Mar.

For what, Sir?

Iord.

I saw him give you a buss les maines.

Mar.

I confess 'twas a civility too humble.

Iord.

I beg your pardon, he's not a Gentleman.

Mar.

In all things.

Iord.

Excuse moy; his Mother was but a Citizen.

Mar.

He's well behaved.

Iord.

His deport is but so, so, his gard is pretty jauntee, and his garniture not much amiss, but he wants a bon mein; and, Madam, I will make it my devoir to retreive what has been amiss.

Mar.

Nothing pass'd, but what was extream well.

Iord.

I am ravish'd to hear you say so.

Y. Iord.

Sir, the Lady will be weary with standing.

Iord.

Pray repose you at the Table, here's a small Collation to divert you. Mr. Doctor, will you please to sit? Madam, you see how poorly I regaul you,

They all sit down at Table.

I ought to make an harrangue to excuse it, but I hope you'l pardon my unpreparedness.

Mar.
[Page 35]

Your treat is noble.

Luc.

Madam, pray chuse where most you like.

Iord.

Boy, bid the Musick give us a touch of their Harmo­nie. Is here any thing, Madam, appears agreeable to you.

Mar.

Every thing, Sir?

Iord.

Fall too then: Sa, sa.

Mar.

I do, Sir.

Iord.

Without sans complement.

Mar.

I use not any.

Iord.

Pray taste that Ragoust. Ah, what a pretty bells mains has this Lady, Mr. Doctor.

Cur.

Admirable white, and well shaped.

Iord.

Fill me a glass of wine: so the same to this Lady, and to every one round.

Enter two men, and one woman in the midst who sing.
SONG I.
1.
Come Phyllis thy singer to begin the go round:
How the glass in thy hand with charms does abound!
You and the wine to each other lend arms,
And I find that my love
Does for either improve,
For that does redouble as you double your charms.
'Twixt him, you and me, 'twixt him, you and me,
To love let us vow, and vow constancie.
2.
Your lips to the wine do give a new relish,
And that when you drink your mouth does embellish;
Whilst this I behold, my desires get strength,
Both with that and with you
More enamor'd I grow.
With love and with wine, I am tipsie at length.
'Twixt him, you and me, 'twixt him, you and me,
To love let us vow, and vow constancie.
Iord.
[Page 36]

Hai, allons: The Hat, chappeaux bas: this Ladies health to you, Mr. Doctor.

Cur.

Look you, Sir: I do you reason.

Iord.

So, 'tis gone round; 'tis with you, Lady.

Mar.

Sir, my service to you.

Iord.

How do you approve of the frolick, Mr. Doctor?

Cur.

Very pretty, and apt to the purpose; Love and Wine, Mr. Iorden, should go hand in hand.

Iord.

Ah, Mr. Doctor, if Mrs. Marina would be as favou­rable to pledge in one as the other.

Cur.

She is so charming, she can do nothing but oblige, Mr. Iorden, pray give me leave to begin a health.

Iord.

With all my heart: Fill round.

Cur.

And let's have t'other Song to encourage us.

SONG II.
1.
Let's drink, dear friends, let's drink,
The time flyes fast away,
And we no leisure have to think,
Then let's make use on't whilst we may.
When the black Lake we have pass'd,
Adieu to Wine, to Love and Pleasure;
To drink, to drink, let us make haste;
To drink we always sha'nt have leisure.
Let's love, let's drink whilst we have breath;
Nor love, nor drink is after death.
2.
Disputing leave to Sotts
That are more grave than wise:
What's life's true bliss our learning lyes
In the bottom of the pots.
Great riches, knowledge, and great fame,
Ease not the troubl'd mind of care;
But rather more increase the same;
But we by drinking eur'd are.
[Page 37]'Tis only wine can do the feat:
Wine makes our happiness compleat.
All.
Drink, drink, drink off your wine, turn, turn, turn up your glass,
Turn it up, turn it up; till we cry, let it pass, let it pass.
Cur.

Very fine i'faith: Now, Mr. Iorden, to this Ladie's best inclinations, and long may they live in favour of whom this Lady wears this fine Ring.

Drinks.
Iord.

Courage: so, and long may he live.

Drinks.
Y. Iord.

Not a word more of the Ring, you'l make a disco­very.

Whispers Cureal.
Cur.

Mum.

Y. Iord. Luc.

Long may he live, Madam.

Iord.

How, Madam, do you approve their singing?

Mar.

It was not amiss, Sir.

Iord.

In my opinion 'tis admirable.

Mar.

It was indeed most ravishing.

Iord.

Ah, Madam, cou'd we but as easie ravish your heart.

Mar.

Sir, my service to you.

Iord.

Sarrah, give me that Glass as it is.

Cur.

Observe, Madam; Mr. Iorden drinks just where your lip has been, and all this while eats nothing but what your fingers have touch'd. Oh the little Arts of Lovers.

Mar.

Sir, I am ignorant of your meaning.

Iord.

I'l take t'other glass, and then Mr. Doctor—

Cur.

What, Sir?

Iord.

I'l tell her my mind more plainly.

Cur.

But have a care what you do, you must not blurt all out at once, Maids are shie.

Iord.

But I intend to show my self a man of courage, and boldly to declare my Amour.

Cur.

Aye, Sir, that is City-courtship; but now you are to make love Ala mode, to act like a Gentleman, Ala negligence, with a certain kind of gallantry that obliges more than words: Entertainments, Songs, Dances and Musick are preparatives.

Iord.

Must I not speak to her?

Cur.

Your treat this time speaks enough; this lays an obli­gation; [Page 38] obligations beget respect, respect begets love, love begets marrying, and marrying begets children.

Iord.

Well, Sir, I have a damnable itching to tell her my mind; but since obligations beget so to the end of the Chap­ter, I'l let her know how much she is beholden to me. That Ring Madam—

Mar.

Sir?

Y. Iord.

I shall be disgrac'd.

Aside.
Luc.

My Father says, becomes your hand.

Iord.

Cost a good sum of money.

Y. Iord.

Pray, Sir, how much do you think it cost?

Iord.

It cost fifty pounds.

Y. Iord.

I believe it might.

Luc.

My Father, Madam, has skill in Jewels.

Iord.

'Tis well worth your wearing.

Mar.

I am not much affected with Jewels, but I have a par­ticular reason to wear this.

Iord. to Cur.

You shall see how prettily I'l wheadle her to tell me she loves me.] Why, Madam? because it was given you?

Mar.

Yes Sir, for the sake of the Giver.

Iord.

Ha, ha, Madam, this small present deserves not so great an honour.

Mar.

Excuse me, Sir.

Iord.

You set too great a value on it.

Mar.

I rate it according to the merit of the person that presented it.

Iord. to Cur.

Lo you there.] That person is very much your humble servant, and wishes it was much better for your sake.

Mar.

I think, Sir, he does not wish me ill.

Iord. to Cur.

Look you again.] When you know him bet­ter you will say so; he loves you extreamly.

Mar.

'Tis likely he may, but men know how to dissemble.

Iord.

But he, Madam, the least of any one in the world.

Mar.

I am glad you confirm me in my good opinion; but I wonder to hear this from you.

Cur.
[Page 39]

The Lady wonders to hear you commend your self so.

Iord.

I beg your pardon, Madam, if my over-forwardness offends you.

Mar.

On the contrary it pleases me extreamly to hear you speak well of him.

Iord.

It is my near concern gives me the occasion; but truly I never knew any of the Iordens not Gentlemen in the point of Love, tho' I speak it that should not.

Mar.

Truly, Sir, I did not think you had known so many as I perceive you do.

Y. Iord.

Now Sister all comes out.

To Lucia.
Iord.

If I did not, Madam, who shou'd?

Mar.

Since our Love is no longer a secret as I thought it had been, and you approv't, I hope by your means my Fa­ther may be enclined.

Iord.

O, I had got his consent before: and this design of my daughters bringing you hither was a plot laid to gain a good opportunity to court you.

Mar.

Alas, Sir, I was so well inclin'd before, I could not long forbear the acknowledgement, tho' I cannot but blush to own I am so soon o'er-come.

Iord. to Cur.

Is not this a rare wheedle Mr. Doctor?] How glad am I to hear this, for in truth I think courtship the most troublesome thing in the world.

Mar.

Yet, Sir, you must use it with my Father.

Iord.

Let me alone to deal with him, we'l send for a Par­son, and the marriage shall be concluded to night.

Mar.

Alas, I know my Father will obstruct our proceed­ings.

Iord.

Madam, take my word for it.

Mar.

Well, Sir, if he can be won to consent to it.

Iord.

Lord! you are so hard of belief.

Mar.

Nay, Sir, he guessed once at our love, and did not then seem displeas'd; but I believe he has since design'd me for some other; for of late he has strictly charg'd me to the contrary; he told me himself he had provided one wou'd be a sitter match for me.

Iord.
[Page 40]

Well, Madam, to clear all doubts, I'l e'ne wait on you home, and you shall soon hear what he says. Mr. Iack, give me my Sword and belt.

Luc!

Madam, pray let me set this curle right for you.

Mar.

I beg your pardon.

Luc.

A little this way. Ah, Madam, you are unhappily run into a mistake: my Father knows not of my brothers love for you, and himself is the man your Father has found out to be your husband.

Mar.

I am amaz'd.

Iord.

What good luck have I to dispatch so great an affair in so short a time: I was wooing my first wife at least a year; But to see how obliging a Gentlewoman is over a Citizen.

Luc.

You must resolve to stand to the brunt of 't, but con­ceal my Brothers being your Lover.

Mar.

I'l indeavour't, and frame some excuse for what I said.

Luc.

Any thing.

Iord.

Come, Madam. How your hand trembles?

Mar.

My heart misgives me.

Iord.

Allons courage, your Father will consent, I warrant you. Lucy, stay you at home to receive Sir Simon: I much wonder he comes not yet; but when he does send me word.

Luc.

Yes, Sir.

Iord.

Let the Musick stay till night; and bid them practise their Dialogue; we cannot stay to have it now, but it will serve rarely well at supper, and will be as good for a wedding as an Epithilamium. Mr. Doctor, your servant, Sir.

Cur.

Sir, I'l wait on you out, for I must be going too. Ma­dam, I am going to meet your Lover. Mr. Iorden take heart, things may yet go well.

Exeunt Iorden Singing, How happy a lover am I, Marina, Cureal. While I sigh not for Phyllis in vain,
Y. Iord.

And I how unhappy!

Luc.

All may go well yet, ever hope the best.

Y. Iord.

I cannot hope my love should not be discovered.

Luc.
[Page 41]
Brother, think on Marinas Love, you'l find
Sufficent ground for hope whilst she proves kind.
Exeunt.

ACT III. SCENE I.

Enter Mr. Cleverwit and Cureal.
Clev.

BEsure you look well to him; keep all the doors shut and lock'd.

Cur.

When he is once in Lobs-pound, he shall not easily escape.

Enter Sir Simon and Servant.
Clev.

Here he comes.—Sir Simon, you are welcome.

Sir Sim.

You see I make bold.

Clev.

You honour my house. But where is the Gentleman that was to show you the way?

Sir Sim.

He left me but just now, he showed me the house, and begg'd leave for an hour.

Clev.

I shou'd have been glad he had been here to bear you company till my return: I'l step cross the street and fetch Mr. Iorden to you. But see here a person into whose hands I commend you, he will treat you with all courtesie possible.

Cur.

My profession obliges me, and 'tis enough you com­mand my care.

Sir Sim.

This is the Steward of's house: He must be a person of quality.

Aside.
Cur.

Yes, I assure you, I'l treat Sir Simon according to the method and rules of Art.

Sir Sim.

Oh pray make no ceremony, I beseech you, treat me as a friend, let me be no trouble.

Cur.

Such an imploy is not my trouble but delight.

Clev.
[Page 42]

Here, Sir, is ten pounds advance of what I promis'd you.

Sir Sim.

I beseech you, Sir, I understand not wherefore you shou'd put your self to charge for me: Pray, Sir, let him not buy any thing extraordinary, but let me partake of the usual entertainment of your Family.

Clev.

Pray, Sir, give me leave: it is not for what you imagine.

Cur.

Not for provision, Sir; a spare dyet is wholesome; much meat sends up fumes from the stomach to the head, and that is very hurtful for the brain, especially to one that is a little disordered.

Sir Sim.

He talks learnedly. But I befeech you, Sir, let me fare like a friend, and not a stranger.

Clev.

'Tis that I intend: I pray, Sir, excuse the incivility I commit in leaving you.

Sir Sim.

Oh, Sir, you leave me in good company.

Exit Cleverwit.
Cur.

It is a great honour to me, Sir, to be chosen one to do you service.

Sir Sim.

I am your servant.

Enter Trickmore in a Physicians habit.
Cur.

See there an able man, my great friend, with whom I will consult the manner how to treat you.

Sir Sim.

Once more I request you to make no such cere­mony, I am a man content with ordinary usage.

Cur.

Come, set chairs here. Sir, please you take that place.

Sir Simon sits down in the middle chair which is biggest, and with arms, which locks him in that he cannot stir.
Sir Sim.

Ha, what's the meaning of this? I am fast.

Trick.

An Italian device, we meant to surprize you with a rarity.

Sir Sim.

I cannot get up.

Cur.

We can soon set you at liberty, it may be you don't sit easie.

Sir Sim.

Oh, very well, I thank you: I shou'd be loth, [Page 43] were it not among friends, to be so engag'd.

Cur.

Come friend, pray draw your chair nearer. Now to our business. Give me your hand, Sir.

Trick.

Your hand, Sir, I beseech you.

Sir Simon gives his hands as in courtesie to friends: they feel his pulse.
Sir Sim.

Oh, your servant, Gentlemen, your servant.

Cur.

Oh, Sir, I beseech you hold still a little.

Sir Sim.

What means this?

Cur.

Have you a good stomach? do you eat well, Sir?

Sir Sim.

Ay, and drink well too.

Cur.

So much the worse, this great appetition of cold and humidity is an indication of the heat and driness within. Do you sleep sound▪

Sir Sim.

Yes, when I have eat a good Supper.

Trick.

Do you dream, Sir?

Sir Sim.

Sometimes.

Cur.

Of what nature are your dreams?

Sir Sim.

Why, of the nature of dreams. A Devil, what kind of entertainment is this?

Cur.

How do you go to stool, Sir?

Sir Sim.

As others do. A plague on't, I know not what they mean by these Questions: pray let me be so bold to call for a glass of wine.

Cur.

Have patience, Sir: I doubt whether it be good for you; we will begin and discourse of the thing it self, and that you may the better understand we'l dispute in English, and resolve upon your food, what meats and drinks are properest for you, and will do you the least harm.

Sir Sim.

What needs so much discourse about my eating and drinking?

Trick.

Patience, Sir, you must be patient.

Sir Sim.

What a devil wou'd they be at?

Cur.

I say with your permission, Sir, that our patient here present is very much assaulted, affected, afflicted, possessed, and o'ercome with this sort of folly, which is very well called Hy­pochondriack melancholy.

Sir Sim.
[Page 44]

These are Doctors, now shall I have a lecture read o'er me.

Trick.

I beseech you, Sir, sit still.

Cur.

This Hypochondriack Melancholy proceeds from the deprav'd constitution of some part of the neather belly, and in­feriour region: but particularly from the spleen. To be assured that this is his disease, you need but observe this great dul­ness which you see, this heaviness accompanied with fear and diffidence, signs, pathognomiques and individuals of this disease so well observed by the divine Hippocrates; this Physi­ognomy, these eyes, red, heavy and dull; this grisly beard, and grumness; this swarthy, tawney complexion; this con­stitution of body, lean, spare and haggord, rough, black and hairy; all which signs denote him to be very much o'ercome with this disease proceeding from the depravedness of the Hy­pochondria.

Trick.

Sir, you must sit still.

Cur.

Now I mean to touch the Therapeia, and remedies which ought to be prescribed to effect a perfect cure. First, then to remedy this Plethora, and this Cacochymia, or general depravation of humours throughout all the body; my advice is for Phlebotomy; that he bleed freely; that is to say, plentifully; first of the Basilick, then of the Cephalick vein; and if the disease prove obstinate and refractory, that a vein be opened in his forehead, and that the orifice be very large, that the thick corrupted bloud may have passage; and at the same time that he purge, deopitulate and evacuate by proper and convenient purgations; that is to say, by Chola­gogues, Melanogogues, &c. But before all these, I find it meet to exhilarate his spirits with harmony resulting from Musick instrumental and vocal, with which it will not be a­miss to joyn some Dancers; to the end that their motions, postures, and agility of bodies, may excite, stirr up, and quicken his spirits stupified with idleness, which occasions the thickness of his bloud, from whence proceeds the Malady: these are the Remedies I prescribe, which may be much ad­vantag'd by some others of yours much better and more effi­cacious, [Page 45] having by your daily practice gain'd great expe­rience, judgement and knowledge in our Art. Dixi.

Sir Sim.

Amen.

Cur.

Nay, now, Sir, you must have a little longer pati­ence to hear my Brother Doctor.

Trick.

There remains nothing for me to say to the Gentle­man, but that he was a luckie man to fall into your hands, and that he is even too happy in being a fool, in that he shall ex­periment the efficacie and admirable virtues of these Reme­dies you have propounded with so much judgement: I ap­prove of all, Manibus & pedibus descendo in tuam sententiam: All that I say is, let the number of his bleedings and purga­tions be odd, Numero Deus impare gaudet: To drink often clarified Whey, to bathe often, to have a strait band made with salt in it to bind upon his forehead, for salt is the em­blem of wisdom; and to new whiten the walls of his cham­ber, to dissipate the darkness of his spirits, Album est disgrega­tivum visùs: A gentle glister to serve for the introduction to these judicious Remedies, with which he is to be cured, and he ought to receive consolation. Heaven grant that these Remedies you mentioned may according to our intention work their effects upon your patient.

Sir Sim.

Gentlemen, I have listned to ye all this while, and I have no more patience left. What, do you sport with me?

Cur.

Oh, Sir, we dont sport with you.

Sir Sim.

What means all this? what wou'd you with your mountebanck canting?

Cur.

Good, see a Diagnostick which we wanted for the confirmation of his disease, and this may well turn to mad­ness.

Sir Sim.

A pox on't, who am I left here with?

He spits three or four times.
Trick.

Another Diagnostick, his frequent spitting.

Sir Sim.

Let me out here, let me be gone.

Cur.

Yet another, his unquietness, and desire to change, and shift places.

Sir Sim.

What's the matter? what a devil ayl ye? what wou'd you do with me?

Trick.
[Page 46]

Cure you, according to order given.

Sir Sim.

Cure me?

Cur.

Yes.

Sir Sim.

What a devil, I am not sick.

Cur.

A very ill sign, when a sick man perceives not his own disease.

Sir Sim.

I tell you I am very well.

Cur.

Oh, we know better than you how you do; we can see into your constitution.

Sir Sim.

I tell you I was never better since I was born.

Trick.

Worse and worse, he has been a fool from his Cradle.

Cur.

Let him be rul'd by us, we'l cure him, I'l warrant you.

Sir Sim.

I'l be rul'd by none of ye, ye are a couple of knaves.

Trick.

We are your Physicians, Sir.

Sir Sim.

Worse and worse, ye are the greater knaves for that. Physicians! what have I to do with Physicians? a fart for you, and your Physick too: a Caudle, Ale-berry, or a good Posset is worth all your damn'd drugs.

Cur.

A hone, a hone, the man is a greater fool than we thought him.

Sir Sim.

My Father and Mother never took Physick in their lives, and they are both dead without the help of Phy­sicians.

Cur.

I wonder no longer then, that they had a son no wiser; come, let us proceed to the cure, and by the sweet exhila­rating of harmony, sweeten, allay, and abate the acrimony of the spirits, which I see ready to inflame him. O here comes my Operators.

Sir Sim.

What in the Devils name is all this? are all the people in this Town mad? I never saw the like in my days, what should it mean?

[Page 47]Enter two Chymists dress'd in antick habits with broad black caps on their heads, that flap down about their ears, no hair seen; Ruffs about their necks, strait bodyed doublets with long close sleeves; Spanish scant breeches, and pumps; followed by four Operators in antick dresses, singing the symphony sustain'd with a medly of strange instruments.
Two Chymists Sing.
1 Chym.

What ailest thee thou musing man?

2 Chym.

What art thou melancholy?

1 Chym.

Come let's cure him if we can.

2 Chym.

Sadness is the greatest folly.

Four Operators sing.
1 Operat.

Let's cure this wight.

2 Operat.

He's a gallant Knight.

3 Operat.

'Tis great pit-ty,

4 Operat.

That he should dy

All.
Of folly,
Or of melancholy.
Two Chymists sing.
1 Chym.

We to cure thy sadness come.

2 Chym.

Mirth with us we bring along.

1 Chym.

Throats let's clear with crying hum.

2 Chym.

Then treat this gallant with a Song.

Four Operators sing.
1 Operat.

With Song we'l advance,

2 Operat.

With Musick and dance;

3 Operat.
[Page 48]

With these we will clear him.

4 Operat.

Then give him glisters half a dozen.

1 Operat.

To purge away melancholy and clear him.

2 Operat.

Then rinse his body with Canary and Sherrey.

3 Operat.

If this will not make him merry,

4 Operat.

'Tis we

1 Operat.

That be

2 and 3 Operat.

More fools than he,

1 and 4 Operat.

And our art will us couzen.

All.

And our art will us couzen.

SONG 1.
Let him that's melancholy,
Each morning when he gets up
Take of Sack a good cup:
Sing a catch, and again sup:
Sip and sing, sing and sip again and again,
Till he find the Canary doth work in his brain.
2.
Then to dinner go, and after
Let him sit and hatch a laughter:
Sing t'other catch, take t'other cup,
Till each hath drunk his bottle up.
Thus laugh, thus quaff, thus quaff, thus laugh again & again,
Till he find the Canary doth work in his brain.
3.
At supper let him eat
But light and little meat;
Yet trowl the cup roundly away;
But avoid foggy Ale,
And Beer new or stale:
For Wine is the liquor,
Makes the wits to grow quicker,
And each o'er his glass to tell a merry tale.
4.
This melancholy evil
Is a sort of a Devil,
Which wine and not holy water will drive away:
Nothing is so sure,
And perfect a cure,
As wine, as mirth, and good companie:
And if ought doth lack
'Tis a pipe of Tobac—coco—coco—coco—
Which taken may be
When to bed he doth go, gogo, gogo, gogo,
Cur.

Come let's have him up to his Chamber, and there give him the remedies per­force, which he refuses to take here.

The Dance ended, Cureal and Trickmore rise from their seats.
Trick.

Help to let him out of his stool of repentance.

Sir Sim.

Stay, let me take out my handkerchief to blow my nose. The Devil take ye all for Rogues.

They let Sir Simon out of the chair, he puts his hand into his pocket, and takes out a Pi­stol; they start back, he runs out, they discharge their glisters, and run out after him.
Enter again Trickmore and Cureal.
Trick.

He is gone, gone beyond recovery, all my designs are ruin'd.

Cur.

A pox o'that Pistol.

Trick.

A pox on you for leaving the Key in the door.

Cur.

Who'd have thought—

Trick.

That you shou'd have plaid the Mountebank so long, and have no more brains in your scull.

Cur.

I have a device to recover all.

Trick.

He'l find out Mr. Iorden, and then—

Cur.

I'l to him first, and doubt not but I'l forestal his re­ception for a while: And here comes Mr. Iorden as I could wish.

Trick.
[Page 50]

Hold him in discourse till I come and second you in a new design.

Exit Trickmore.
Enter to Cureal Mr. Jorden, Cleverwit, and Lucie.
Iord.

There was juggling in the case, Lucia, for I find it was your brother presented the Ring to her, he was the man for whose sake she wore it, therefore tell me true how he came by it?

Clev.

It may be she lost it, or laid it down somewhere, and he took it up.

Luc.

No, Sir.

Iord.

How was it then? let me know.

Luc.

My Brother, Sir, desired that he might present it, and I, ignorant of his pretensions to Marina, gave it him.

Iord.

But that thou art to be a Lady to night I wou'd beat thee for it.

Luc.

Alas, Sir, I thought no harm, and judg'd it more fit for him to give it, than for me.

Iord.

Let me heat a reason for that, and I'l forgive thee both this and the next fault.

Luc.

I imagin'd, Sir, Mrs. Marina would think my brother would be displeased at the match, as most sons are when their Fathers marry again, it being against their interest to have a new brood in the Family, and might from thence have some scruple to match with you, having children so well grown: therefore I gave him the Ring to present, that it might appear by this Act, my Brother did well approve of having her for a Mother-in-Law.

Clev.

This is very rational.

Iord.

Well, get you in again; and tell your Brother he has no way to come off with me, but utterly to renounce her, and resign her to me.

Luc.

Yes, Sir, I hope he will.

Exit Lucia.
Clev.

I thought Sir Simon would have visited your house with Lovers speed.

Iord.

Something is the matter he comes not yet, and I am going to see what it is detains him.

Enter Cureal.
Cur.

Mr. Iorden, have you seen Sir Simon?

Iord.
[Page 51]

No, is he come?

Cur.

Come! yes, Sir, and gone.

Clev.

Gone!

Iord.

He has not been at my house.

Cur.

He has shown me a light pair of heels.

Iord.

Is he come for certain to this end of the Town?

Clev.

And gone for certain?

Cur.

Both for certain; and if he comes to you, let him not conclude the marriage with your daughter till he be duly prepar'd for it, and reduced to an estate of begetting children, well conditioned both in body and mind.

Iord.

I understand you not.

Clev.

Nor do I know what he means.

Cur.

Your Son-in-Law that is to be, was this morning put into my hands by a near relation of his that endeavours his good, to be my patient, and I must tell my friend, I do not think fit he should marry your daughter till he hath taken the remedies I am to prepare for his disease.

Iord.

Has he any disease?

Cur.

A most notorious one, and hard to be cured, 'tis got­ten into his brain.

Clev.

What is his disease?

Cur.

Folly.

Iord.

Ha, ha, he, that's one Reason why I make him my Son-in-Law; for what better husband can I provide for my daughter, than one that has much honour, a great estate, and but little wit.

Cur.

How, Sir?

Clev.

I'l assure you, Mr. Doctor, you may spare your drugs and labour too, for his disease is as hereditary to his Family, as his estate, and you may sooner cure him of that than of the other.

Cur.

But he has another disease I have not told you off.

Iord.

Another?

Cur.

One that debilitates his body as much as this his mind.

Iord.

What is that?

Cur.

Doctors are bound to secresie.

Clev.

You may tell Mr. Iorden:

Cur.
[Page 52]

For his Daughters sake, and because he is my friend, I will. But you must both promise to keep it secret.

Iord.

Doubt not, that Gentleman is my great friend.

Clev.

Pray out with it.

Cur.

I'l trust ye for once.

Clev.

You may.

Cur.

You know, Mr. Iorden, Sir Simon has been in France.

Iord.

I have heard so.

Cur.

There he fell extreamly in love with a Lady. He gave her his Gold, and she as a token of her kindness gave him the Pox.

Iord.

The Pox!

Clev.

The Pox said you?

Cur.

No such great wonder, for most young English Gal­lants that go thither have the like misfortune.

Iord.

The Pox his disease!

Clev.

It is indeed the fate of most young Travellers.

Cur.

Like most of 'em too he fell into the hands of an un­skilful Chirurgeon, who made no perfect cure; and should he marry as he is, he either would have no children; or if he has, they will be peuling, whining, sickly things, scab'd as young Cuckows, and look like Chickens that have got the pipp.

Clev.

We see the example of it daily.

Iord.

But that he is both Knight, and Baronet, he should not have my Daughter.

Cur.

I doubt not, but by the course I intend for him, with­in forty days to put his body in a good condition for procre­ation.

Iord.

Well then, I'l have him enquir'd out, he shall marry my daughter presently, lest she should hear on't▪ and be averse to the Marriage: And then Mr. Doctor and friend, I will de­liver him again into your hands.

Cur.

How! let him marry your daughter before he is eured?

Iord.

Yes, Il make sure of him first; for he may dye un­der your hands, and then she misses the title of Lady, and the honour of having been wife to a Knight Baronet; besides, he makes her a very great joynture.

Clev.
[Page 53]

How his folly frustrates our designs!

Aside.
Enter Trickmore.
Trick.

Now is the time I must show my self a man of in­trigue▪ or for ever lose the reputation I have gotten.

Aside.

Gentlemen, can any of you inform me which is Doctor Cureal's house?

Clev.

That is his house, and this Gentleman is the Doctor.

Cur.

Yes, Sir, I am Doctor Cureal.

Trick.

I have a little private business, and beg these Gen­tlemens leave to speak with you.

Clev.

Mr. Iorden, you have not yet told me how you like your Mistress?

Trickmore and Cureal whisper at one end of the Stage.
Iord.

Oh, Sir, 'tis the prettiest charmingst Rogue—

Clev.

Her eyes are but little.

Iord.

Oh, but Mr. Cleverwit, so sparkling, so black and so piercing, they strike a man to the heart at first sight.

Clev.

She has a wide mouth.

Iord.

She has so, but so many graces about it, such pretty dimples at each corner when she smiles, and such a pair of smacking lips too.

Clev.

Her stature is but low.

Iord.

But yet she's well shap'd: Oh, 'tis a pretty snug Rogue, she'l lye as round—

Clev.

She speaks very little.

Iord.

Oh, a prattling woman is worse than a Flock of Geese.

Clev.

And some conclude, a woman that wants tongue wants wit.

Iord.

And she that has too much, wants Grace.

Clev.

Well, Sir, I see plain, by your excusing her, that you love her, and will have her from your son.

Iord.

If her Father order her, as I'l order my son, we shall meet in a pair of sheets.

Cureal as from whispering.
Cur.

Well, Sir, I'l acquaint my friends here with the busi­ness; and if you'l engage your word before them I'l do't.

Trick.
[Page 54]

Business of this nature should not be communicated.

Cur.

They are my special friends.

Trick.

Well, Sir, if you think good to trust 'em.

Cur.

Mr. Iorden, whatever you hear, say nothing, till you have made a full discovery; here is villany plotting against you.

Aside to Jorden.
Iord.

Ha, knavery, knavery.

Cur.

Ye must know friends, one Sir Simon Softhead is my Patient, whom I have to cure of a certain distemper, which will require some considerable time. Well, go you on, Sir.

Trick.

The said Sir Simon is come to Town to marry the Daughter of one Mr. Iorden, a rich man.

Iord.

So.

Trick.

Now this Sir Simon owing much money to me, and five other Merchants of Norwich, we have all his land in mortage; but we being all his Fathers Friends, and having a re­spect for the Son, are willing to do him all the good we can; and therefore do underhand mannage the business so, combining with the said Sir Simon, that the Mortgages and Engagements shall not appear to endamage his Marriage.

Clev.

Well, Sir.

Cur.

Now comes the design.

Trick.

So that Sir Simon may, besides the portion he is to have with his wife, take up of his Father-in-Law (who we hear is a mony'd man) as much money as will pay all his debts, and engage to him his land before engag'd to us.

Iord.

O dainty Rascals!

Cur.

And then shall your Mortgage start up and take it from him.

Clev.

So shall the Son cheat the Father-in-Law, and the Fa­ther have no remedy for it.

Trick.

Yes, Sir, and this may easily be done, for Mr. Iorden is but a half-witted fellow.

Iord.

Oh, is he so, Rascal?

Trick.

The said Land passes already currant for the joyn­ture, tho' mannag'd by his Brother in the Country, who is not much wiser than himself.

Iord.
[Page 55]

Very good.

Trick.

Now, Gentlemen, this Sir Simon being also a man of a thick scull, and not so sensible of his own good, as he ought to be; I, and the other five Merchants do desire of Mr. Doctor, to perswade Sir Simon to strike up the Match, and be marryed before he enter into his course of Physick, that the design so well laid may not take wind, and miscarry by his folly and want of discretion.

Cur.

And for this piece of service, your self and those o­ther five Merchants do reward me with an hundred pounds, to be demanded the day after the marriage.

Trick.

I do here before these Gentlemen promise and en­gage my self for the true and just payment of it, and will moreover treat these Gentlemen with a Dinner of five pound.

Cur.

How are you call'd?

Trick.

My name is William Webster, Merchant of Stuffs in Norwich.

Iord.

Then, I say, William Webster of Norwich, and the rest of his Merchant Combiners are knaves, ha, ha, he, bear wit­ness Gentlemen—ha, ha, he,—

Trick.

Gentlemen, you'l not discover, I hope.

Clev.

No, no friend, you have made discovery enough.

Iord.

Pray tell Sir▪ Simon, my Daughter shall not be a beg­gar to be a Lady; there are more Knights Baronets in the World.

Trick.

Mr. Doctor, is this Mr. Iorden?

Cur.

The very man, now, I think on't.

Trick.

Oh dire mischance!

Iord.

Come, Sir, pay your hundred pound, Mr. Doctor has done your business for you—ha, ha, he.

Trick.

Well, Sir Simon is an undone man, and so I'l go tell him.

Iord.

And when you find him, tell him too he may e'en go like a fool as he came—ha, ha, he..

Trick.

This after-game was well plaid.

Aside.
Exit Trickmore.
Iord.
[Page 56]

A half-witted fellow! ha, ha, he.

Cur.

How blank will Sir Simon and the rest look when they hear this news.

Clev.

I fear he is more knave than fool.

Cur.

Mr. Iorden, I am glad I have serv'd you in so impor­tant an affair; I must leave my friend to visit a Lady of great Quality that has sent for me.

Clev.

And I am heartily sorry, I cannot stay till Sir Simon comes, to see the upshot of the business, for come he will if he misses this fellow.

Cur.

Your servant, Mr. Iorden.

Clev.

Your servant, Sir.

Iord.

Your servant, Mr. Doctor: Your servant, Mr. Cle­verwit.

Cleverwit and Cureal exeunt severally.
Enter to Old Jorden, Young Jorden.
Iord.

Oh, Sir, are you here? I have found out all your in­trigue with Mrs. Marina, you are the man in her books, are you?

Y. Iord.

Only in that one thing I am happy.

Iord.

But you must think no more of her.

Y. Iord.

Not think of her!

Iord.

No, Sir.

Y. Iord.

It is impossible.

Iord.

You must resign you interest.

Y. Iord.

To no man living.

Iord.

To me.

Y. Iord.

Not, while I have life.

Iord.

She is to be my wife.

Y. Iord.

Not with my consent.

Iord.

I have her Fathers good liking.

Y. Iord.

And I have the Daughters.

Iord.

She must submit to her Father's will, and you to mine.

Y. Iord.

Love is subject to no Laws but its own; when that is in dispute, all respect to power and authority is laid aside.

Iord.

I shall make you know me.

Y. Iord.

He that loves well, dares all threats desie.

Iord.

You will then be medling in my concerns.

Y. Iord.
[Page 57]

No, Sir, 'tis you meddle with mine, I lov'd her first.

Iord.

And you shall quit her first.

Y. Iord.

Quit her?—never—

Iord.

I'l force you, saucy Iack.

Y. Iord.

You cannot.

Iord.

I'l try that.

Jorden offers to strike Y. Jorden. Enter to them Jaques.
Iaq.

Oh Maitre, Maitre Iorden, vat do you mean?

Y. Iord.

I laugh at your anger.

Iord.

You shall cry at my anger.

Jorden offers to strike.
Iaq.

O maitre, maitre Iorden?

Iord.

Let me come to him.

Iaq.

O fee, fee, fader beat te great son, vat, vat be te diffe­rence? make me te judge, me pass me parol to make te recon­cilement.

Iord.

You shall hear Mr. Iack.

Iaq.

But stand you two at more great distance: So now me am to be te judge: so, hum, hum, speak te fader now: Be no dat ver just to bid te fader speak before te son.

Iord.

I love Mrs. Marina, and have intentions to marry her, and my son here in spight of my teeth says he will love her.

Iaq.

Spit in your teet, no good fashione: he be to blame ver much.

Iord.

Is't not an insolence in a son to contend with his fa­ther?

Iaq.

A ver great injure.

Iord.

Ought he not to forbear his pretensions to shew me respect?

Iaq.

You have te grand reason: let me go speak to him, and stand you dere.

Y. Iord.

Well, since he hath made you judge, I am content to refer the matter to you.

Jaques goes to Y. Jorden at the other end of the stage.
Iaq.

You do me te ver great honour.

Y. Iord.

I was first in league with Mrs. Marina, she makes kind returns to my affection; and with tenderness receives [Page 58] the offers of my love; and my father comes to disturb our peace with his pretensions.

Iaq.

A ver great injure.

Y. Iord.

Is it not very unreasonable to desire she should love him against her inclination, ought he not rather to quit his design?

Iaq.

You have te reason, let me now speak to your fader. Have you no more to say, but dat you love te Gentlewo­man?

To Jorden.
Iord.

Yes, I have her Father's consent, and he is utterly against my sons marrying his daughter.

Iaq.

Ver good.

Iord.

Ought she not to be obedient to her father?

Iaq.

Oh vithout doubt. Let me speak to your son. Your fader do say he has te consent of her fader.

To Y. Jorden.
Y. Iord.

But I have the consent of the Daughter.

Iaq.

Auh dat be 'gen te ver good reazon.

Y. Iord.

Is it not a great injustice in him to cause her father to force her to marry one she does not love?

Iaq.

Oh vithout doubt, dat be ver injuste. Now let me have te consideration how te do justice, to cause be ver diffi­cult.

He studies

Auh, you love te Gentlewoman?

Y. Iord.

Yes.

Iaq.

And she do you love?

Y. Iord.

Yes.

Iaq.

And she vill marre you?

Y. Iord.

Yes.

Iaq.

O vat remedy? vel, stay you dere—

Vell, Sir, your Zon be no so obstinate as you do tink, he do submit to you, and say vat he did tell you, vas in his great in­dignation, and dat he vill give you te Maitress, provide dat you vill treat him ver vell for te future; and let him have some little part of your Estate, dat he may live like te Zon of Monsieur Iordane, and marre some Gentilwoman dat be young, handsome, and rish.

Iord.

Well, tell him he may have any thing hereafter, and except Marina, he is at liberty to choose whom he will

Iaq.

O, let me mannage te affair—

Goesto Y. Jorden

Your fader have te more discretion den you imagine, he say dat [Page 59] te fashione of your discourse, and your action put him in te grand colore, and dat he vill give te consent to vat you desire, provide dat you give te promise for te future to be te ver good Zon, and render to his person te respect and submissi­on tat one Zon ow to te fader.

Y. Iord.

You may assure him, that granting Marina, he obliges me for ever to submit my self intirely to him, and henceforward his will shall be a law to all my actions.

Iaq.

Oh so tis affair be dispatch.

To Jorden.
Iord.

As I could wish.

Iaq.

Te league be conclude:

To Y. Jorden.

He be con­tent vith vat you do promise.

Y. Iord.

Oh my kind Stars be thank'd.

Iaq.

Now, ye may make discourse togeader agen; ye se how soon te man of discretion make te accommodation.

Y. Iord.

I am much oblig'd to you.

Iaq.

Not at all vor vat me do, me be your humble ser­viteur.

Iord.

You have done well Master Iaques: there is a reward for you.

Gives him money.
Ioq.

Me kiss your hand Maitre Iordane.

Jorden, Jaques exeunt.
Enter Trickmore and Cureal to Young Jorden.
Trick.

I am now Trickmore again, and ready to receive Sir Simon if he come this way: I will proceed to sow such jealousies between the Father and the Son-in-Law, that shall make 'em both draw contrary ways. Yonder he comes, be gone.

Y. Jorden and Cureal exeunt.
Enter Sir Simon singing.
Sir Sim.
Of folly or of melancholy,
Of folly or of melancholy.—coco—coco—coco.
Trick.

What mean you by this Sir Simon?

Sir Sim.

All I see seems Glisters to me.

Trick.

How!

Sir Sim.
[Page 60]

You know not what has hapned since I parted from you.

Trick.

No, what is't?

Sir Sim.

I thought I should have been treated according to my Quality.

Trick.

And well.—

Sir Sim.

And I was left by that Gentleman in the hands of two fellows cloathed in black, Physicians I suppose they were, who set me in a trap-chair, felt my pulse, shak'd their noddles, cry'd ah! is't so? he's a fool, he's a fool: then did these two buffle-headed talkative fellows in broad-brim'd hats speak nonsence for an hour, till my patience was wearied; then entered such a consort of Musick, as if they had plaid a flourish for the entry of Devils; but were followed by half a dozen Anticks singing, and dancing with Syringes and Gli­sters in their hands, that they made me almost out of my wits; when with much ado by the help of a Pocket Pistol, I got from 'em, they all discharg'd at me: see, am I not all be­glisterfied?

Trick.

Indeed you have an odd smell about you.

Sir Sim.

Oh my imagination is filled with 'em, every thing I see methinks is a Glister.

Trick.

How deceitful is the out-side! I thought that Gen­tleman the sincerest of your friends.

Sir Sim.

A very Rascal.

Trick.

This is one of my wonderments, is't possible there should be such knavery in the world?

Sir Sim.

I think that is the house.

Trick.

According to my promise I came, thinking to have found you there, but I have knock'd this half hour, and the De­vil of any body can I make answer, the doors and windows are all shut close, as if no body was in the house.

Sir. Sim.

The Rogues thought it time to be gone. Ever since I made my escape, I have been enquiring to find out Mr. Iorden; I am told he lives in this street, and I am glad I have met with you, that you may help me to find his house.

Trick.
[Page 61]

So, so, I smell you out, Sir Simon.

Sir Sim.

Smell me? aye so may any body: a pox on these Rogues and their Glisters.

Trick.

I mean I know your design of enquiring out Mr. Iorden, you have a months mind to his Daughter, I war­rant.

Sir Sim.

Yes, I come to Town on design to marry her.

Trick.

To marry her?

Sir Sim.

Yes.

Trick.

Indeed to marrry her?

Sir Sim.

Aye, for what else do you think?

Trick.

Nay, then 'tis another matter, and I crave your pardon.

Sir Sim.

What mean you by this?

Trick.

Nothing, Sir.

Sir Sim.

Pray tell.

Trick.

Nothing, not I, I spoak a little too hastily.

Sir Sim.

Pray let me know what was in your mind.

Trick.

It is not at all convenient.

Sir Sim.

Nay, pray out with it.

Trick.

By no means, indeed you must excuse me.

Sir Sim.

Then I see you are not the man I took you for, I thought you had been my friend.

Trick.

No man more.

Sir Sim.

You ought not then to conceal any thing from me.

Trick.

It is a matter in which is concern'd the interest of a Neighbour.

Sir Sim.

To oblige you to open your heart, take this Ring and wear it for my sake.

Trick.

Let me think a little whether I may do it in con­science. 'Tis a man who seeks his own good, who endeavours to provide for his Daughter, as advantagiously as he can. I ought to injure no man. These things are known truths: And then I go about to discover to a man that is ignorant of them. 'Tis forbidden to speak ill of our Neighbour.

Sir Sim.

Not to interrupt you, there's Gold, by my soul you shall keep it: Now pray go on.

Trick.

But on the other side, here is a stranger he would [Page 62] surprise, and one who comes with a good intent to marry his Daughter, whom he knows not, nor ever saw; a Gentle­man free and curteous, for whom I have a kindness, who does me the honour to esteem me his friend; reposes confidence in me, who gives me a Ring to wear for his sake, and Gold. Well, I find I can tell you all without scruple of conscience. But I'l take care to tell you as blamelesly as I can, and to spare the person as much as may be. To tell you then, this daughter of his lives dishonestly would be too harsh; I'l find some milder term to express my meaning; to say she's gallanted is not enough, but I think it will suit well with my meaning, to say she is a naughty pack; and may serve to let you know truly what she is.

Sir Sim.

Oh, oh, they take me then for a Coaks.

Trick.

It may be she is not so bad as the talk goes, and since there are some young women that expose themselves to cen­sure by taking too much liberty, not thinking their honour and reputation depends—

Sir Sim.

I thank you, Sir, I will not be in the Turkish fa­shion, and go with a crescent above my brows, I love to walk without being pointed at.

Trick.

Well, Sir, but you are resolv'd to give 'em a visit.

Sir Sim.

On purpose to let 'em see how they are de­ceived.

Trick.

Well, Sir, I'l wait on you to the door, have a care, she's very handsome, and beauty is a sort of witch­craft.

Sir Sim.

Let me alone, I warrant you.

Trick.

At your return you shall find me here about.

Trickmore, Sir Simon exeunt.

ACT IV. SCENE I.

Enter a Boy and Sir Simon followed by Jorden.
Boy.

BE pleased to walk in there, Sir, my Master will come presently.

Iord.

Where, where is the Gentleman would speak with: me?

Sir Sim.

Your servant, Sir, are you Mr. Iorden?

Iord.

So am I call'd, Sir.

Sir Sim.

And I am Sir Simon Softhead.

Iord.

In good time.

Sir Sim.

Do you think, Mr. Iorden, we Suffolk men are fools?

Iord.

And do you think, Sir Knight, that we Londoners are gulls?

Sir Sim.

Do you imagine that such a man as I am, is so put to't for a wife?

Iord.

And do you believe that such a woman as my Daughter is so in want of a Husband?

Enter to them Lucia.
Luc.

I am inform'd Father, Sir Simon is come: this is he without doubt, my heart tells me so; what a comely person! how well shap'd! what a bone meen, and gentile carriage he has! Oh how content I am you have made choice of such a man to be my husband.

Iord.

Soft and fair, daughter.

Sir Sim.

How coming she is.

Iord.

I would fain know, Sir Simon, what wind brings you hither?

Luc.

Indeed Father I am so pleas'd with Sir Simon, he's one of the comeliest and most courtly persons!

Sir Sim.
[Page 64]

She's on fire already: Ha 'tis a pretty little loving fool.

Aside.
Luc.

You know what interest you have here, Sir Simon, you need not make your self so much a stranger.

Iord.

Daughter stand off, keep from him I bid you.

Sir Sim.

What a liquorish baggage 'tis, she'd have me sa­lute her.

Iord.

I would fain know for what reason, and please you, you—

Luc.

Ah my dear, Sir Simon.

Iord.

Again! the wench is mad.

Luc.

Will you not permit me to express a kindness to the man you have determin'd to be my husband?

Iord.

No, get you up into your chamber.

Luc.

Let me but stay and look at him.

Sir Sim.

Ah pure wheedle.

Iord.

Get you in, I say.

Luc.

I'd stay here, if you please.

Sir Sim.

A cunning slut, how she gleggs at me.

Iord.

Get you in once more, or—

Luc.

Well, I go then.

Iord.

Are you not gone yet?

Luc.

When is it, Sir, we are to be married?

Iord

Never: let that serve your turn.

Sir Sim.

How her chops water at me!

Luc.

But you have promis'd I should be his Wife.

Iord.

If I promised you, I unpromise you.

Sir Sim.

She's agog for me: She sings loth to depart.

Luc.

But if we will, who can hinder it?

Iod.

Why I'l hinder it, and take notice I forbid the bains. My Daughter's bewitch'd, I think.

Sir Sim.

Well, our good Father-in-Law that was to have been, don't trouble your self, I have no such maw to your Daughter. This won't do: ha, ha, he, who put it into your head that Sir Simon Softhead was a man to buy a pigg in a poke, and wants wit enough to inform himself how squares go, and one that would so soon be drawn into the noose of [Page 65] matrimony without being well assured it would be safe for his reputation, ha, ha, he, he's no such fool as you take him for, I'l assure you.

Iord.

I know not what you mean by this; but how came you to have such a conceit in your head, that Mr. Iorden had no more brains in's scull, and consider'd his daughters good no more, than to marry her to a man who has you know what, and was put you know where, and to you know who, to be cured against you know when?

Sir Sim.

Come, come, Sir, I know what you mean, but that's a lye, I am as sound and as well as you, or any man living.

Iord.

Well, well, somebody that knows somebody, told somebody, tho' that somebody must tell nobody.

Sir Sim.

That somebody is a lying Rogue; I am a Gentle­man every half inch of me, and I'l make it appear with sword in hand, I'l justifie my reputation, here, or on any ground in England.

Iord.

Well, Sir, I have a sword too in my house, am a Gentleman, and may in time too be a Knight; and will tell you here, or on any ground in England, that, what I know, I know; nor am I to be couzened with Land mortgag'd al­ready to Norwich Merchants to pay debts, not I, Sir.

Sir Sim.

What mortgage, what land, what debts, what Norwich Merchants, ha, ha, he.

Iord.

Come, come, dissembling won't do, all's out, I am not to be chous'd out of my money, nor wheedled to pay Cre­ditors, no, Sir.

Sir Sim.

What Creditors, ha Sir? do you know, Sir?

Enter Young Jorden.
Y. Iord.

Who's this with a drawn Sword against my Fa­ther, and he unarm'd? Come, Sir, make me your adver­sary.

Sir Sim.

Your are his Hector, are you?

Y. Iord.

I am his son, Sir.

Sir Sim.

That is more than I will be, I assure you.

T. Iord.
[Page 66]

And will vindicate his cause with the last drop of my bloud.

Sir Sim.

Oh, Sir, your servant; fare you well Bully▪ Ruffian.

Y. Iord.

I'l be so civil to wait on you to the door.

Exit Sir Simon, Young Jorden, after him with his drawn sword, clash without.
Enter Cureal.
Cur.

Oh, Mr. Iorden, Mr. Iorden!

Iord.

What, Mr. Doctor, what's the matter?

Cur.

Such news, such joyful news!

Iord.

What, what is it?

Cur.

I made such haste hither, I scarce have breath left to tell it you.

Iord.

Oh dear Mr. Doctor!

Cur.

The Lady I went to, when I parted from you, en­treats the favour of me to recommend some Lodgings to her: now it presently came into my mind, that you have a house spacious and well furnished, fit to receive a Lady of great Quality.

Iord.

What, I let Lodgings?

Cur,

O no, dear friend, you mistake me: whereupon, that you might have an occasion to court and be acquainted with this Lady, said I to her, I have a friend, a very good friend, called Mr. Iorden, at which word she started, who will do me the honour to give you, or any friend of mine an appart­ment in his house, and there, Madam, you will be treated very honourably, and receiv'd with much respect and gal­lantry.

Iord.

I am oblig'd to you. But what I pray was the rea­son she started when she heard my name?

Cur.

At that time, Madam (said I) you seem surprised: and then she blush'd, and her colour went and came, and came and went. Then I proceded: Madam does the name offend you? I must confess (said she) I know some reason to wish I had ne­ver heard the name, nor seen the man; yet have I not so much [Page 67] power not to see him again, and it was my desire the Lodging you were to provide me should be near that persons house; but pray make no more words on't, said she; then blush'd a­gain, and turn'd away and sigh'd.

Iord.

What meant all this?

Cur.

Nay, Sir, it is no riddle: what think you?

Iord.

I vow to you I cannot guess unless it be love.

Cur:

You'l ne'er be counted a Conjurer for telling this, tho' it is a most undoubted truth.

Iord.

Well, Sir; and will she come?

Cur.

Come, Sir? she can't help it, there is no resisting the influence of our stars. Lord! Mr. Iorden, that you should have such prodigious luck.

Iord.

Is she very rich?

Cur.

Rich? what is she think you?

Iord.

A Lady.

Cur.

A Lady?

Iord.

A Countess.

Cur.

More.

Iord.

A Marquess.

Cur.

A Marchioness you meam, more, Sir, more.

Iord.

A Dutchess.

Cur.

More than all that.

Iord.

More than a Dutchess? what is she then?

Cur.

A Princess, Sir.

Iord.

A Princess, Mr. Doctor?

Cur.

Mum, Mr. Iorden: ha, is nobody near? let me see: have we no listners. Aye, Mr. Iorden, a Princess, I say to you she is a Princess.

Iord.

I'l lay my life now at last the jest of it is that her name is Princess.

Cur.

No, Sir, she is a Princess by birth, her Quality is Princess.

Iord.

Indeed!

Cur.

I knew her in hanging-sleeves, I was Physician to her Father while I was in Germany.

Iord.

She is then Daughter to one of the Princes in Ger­many.

Cur.

Right, she is a German Princess; I taught her English when I was there, and she has since marvellously improv'd her self in our Language.

Iord.
[Page 68]

I am glad she understands English.

Cur.

Admirably well.

Iord.

Will she come to night?

Cur.

Immediately; her Coach was at her door when I came. But be sure you give her no ground to apprehend you know her Quality, for she is here incognito, and will not be known till all her train and attendants come over, which will be very suddenly; therefore what you do, you must do quickly, for then she'l be for Court.

Iord.

I'l make good use of the opportunity.

Cur.

Besides should you not declare your love till after you know her Quality, she may think it is but ambition, and that you are more enamour'd of her quality than person.

Iord.

I'l assure you, most dear friend, and divine Doctor, I will lose no time.

Cur.

Well, Sir, but pray let me not lose the title of Doctor of Physick for that of Divinty.

Enter Jaques.
Iaq.

Oh, Maitre Iorden, here be te ver fine Lady in te great glass Caroach, enquire for Dr. Cureal.

Cur.

'Tis she: Prepare, Sir.

Iord.

I dare be bold, now you Mr. Doctor have felt her pulse for me.

Cur.

Be not too ceremonious, but▪behave yourself as if she was but what she seems, a Gentlewoman.

Enter Betty Trick more.
Cur.

Madam, this is Mr. Iorden, Master of the house, and my worthy friend.

Iord.

Oh, I had like to have forgot. Madam, a little nearer, I pray.

B. Trick.

Sir?

Jorden runs to salute her; turns his back and goes a good way, and advances, making three congies, finds himself too far off, and beckons her to come nearer.
Iord.

One step nearer, and please you: So, you are wel­come, Madam, as I may say. Oh she kisses like a Queen!

Aside.
B. Trick.
[Page 69]

I presume upon Mr. Doctore▪ score of friendship to give you the trouble of being your guest some few days.

Iord.

Madam, it is to me a great glory to see my self so fortunate, as to be so happy to have the good luck, that you should have the bounty to do me such a grace, as to afford me the honour, to honour me with the favour of your good company. Aud that—

Cur.

Mr. Iorden, you have done well, this Lady loves not much ceremony, she knows you are a man of wit and parts▪

low to Betty Trickmore

'Tis as good a ridiculous Cit as e'er was seen.

B. Trick.

He is a very farce, nothing but ridicule.

Cur.

Believe me, Madam, this Gentleman is one of the best friends.

Iord.

You do me too great an honour.

Cur.

As gallant a man as lives.

B. Trick.

I have no small esteem for him.

Iord.

I have not yet done any thing, Madam, to merit this Grace, but if your Ladyship please to command me any service, your Grace shall find I have such an inclination▪ to serve your▪ Highness, that it should be impossible for any man, were you a Princess ten times o'er.

Cur.

Hold.

B. Trick.

What means Mr. Iorden?

Cur.

Have a care what you say.

Iord.

I vow, Madam, I forgot, and I beg your Princely pardon.

B. Trick.

I understand not Mr. Iordens discourse.

Cur.

You will spoil all.

Iord.

Ha: O Lord, Madam, if I have offended you, I cry your Highness mercy.

Cur.

Again, fie, fie, Mr. Iorden.

Iord.

I vow it was out before I was aware.

B. Trick.

Mr. Iorden is too great a Courtier.

Cur.

I hope, Madam, you'l not be offended, it is a custom he has got to give the title of Princess and Queen to all Ladies [Page 70] that are extraordinary sair and beautiful, because like Princesses and Queens they rule, command, and are a­dored.

Iord.

Had I not been interrupted, you are so very beauti­ful, I should have run on till I had call'd you Emperour and great Turk.

Cur.

How, Mr. Iorden? Empress and Sultaness you mean.

Iord.

Pauh, a man in love minds not what,—I should have call'd you Cherubin and Arch-angel, ere I had done.

B. Trick.

Are you then in love, Mr. Iorden?

Iord.

There I am caught again. Who I? no, Madam, not I.

Cur.

What do you mean to deny it now?

B. Trick.

I am not well.

Cur.

Do you see what you have done?

Iord.

Yes, yes, Madam, I am in love, I am in love.

B. Trick.

Indeed? ah me.

She swoons.
Cur.

She swoons, run for some spirits.

Iord.

Help, help.

Cur.

Stay, she revives.

Revives.
Iord.

I am in love, Madam, I assure you.

Faints again.
B. Trick.

Ah.

Iord.

Help, help.

Enter Lucia, a Gentlewoman, and a Page with a little Cabinet.
Luc.

What out-cry is this?

Iord.

Oh Daughter, help, the Lady swoons.

Woman.

O my dear Prin—, my dear Mistress.

Iord.

Dear Prin—O have I caught you tripping too.

B. Trick.

Hy ho.

Cur.

how do you, Madam?

B. Trick.

Pretty well, Mr. Doctor, I thank you.

Iord.

Madam, here is my Daughter come to wait on you.

B. Trick.

Her company perfects my recovery.

Betty Trickmore and Lucia salute

How wondrous pretty she is, she's so like you, Mr. Iorden, I must needs salute her once more.

Cur.

Observe that; like you, and kisses her again.

Lue.
[Page 71]

Madam, you are all obliging, and I merit nothing of this favour.

Woman.

Madam, here is the Cabinet you committed to my care.

B. Trick.

Mr. Iorden, in this trunck is all my present con­cern, will you pardon me, if I request the trouble of you to see it safe lockt up.

Iord.

I'l take care of it my self, and put it into my Iron chest, where I keep my own little treasure.

B. Trick.

You shall see what it contains; look you, Sir, here is a small parcel of gold, some six thousand pounds, with some trifling Jewels, to the value of about two thousand pounds more, not worth your seeing.

Cur.

Mr. Iorden will see 'em carefully dispos'd of.

Iord.

They shall be forth-coming when you please.

B. Trick.

I have twelve thousand pound more to receive of the Banquers next week, for some friends of mine, alas I am not worth near so much.

Iord.

That is because I should not think her a person of great Quality, I understand her wheedle.

B. Trick.

Mr. Doctor, I find my self very drowsie.

Cur.

Your spirits, Madam, are faint, and weak; retire a while to your Chamber, one half hours repose will much refresh and enliven you.

B. Trick.

Woman, where are you?

Iord.

Madam, my Daughter shall wait on you too.

B. Trick.

It were a disease to part with her, nothing I'l as­sure you can delight me more than her company.

Luc.

You are pleas'd to esteem it.

B. Trick.

Page, wait on Mr. Iorden with my Cabinet.

Iord.

Mr. Doctor, I'l wait on you immediately.

Betty Trickmore, Lucia and Woman exeunt.
Enter to Cureal Young Jorden and Jaques.
Y. Iord.

'Tis well you give me timely notice of the deceit. I wonder'd indeed at my Fathers sudden change.

Iaq.

Te reconcilement was good for te present, you give me your pardon.

Y. Iord.

You did very well.

Iaq.
[Page 72]

Your servant.

Exit Jaques.
Cur.

All things succeed wonderfully.

Y. Iord.

The grand Masque is ready, the Play-house has furnish'd us rarely with habits; the Masquerade seems a lit­tle burlesque, but 'twill pass upon him, it hits his humour so right.

Cur.

What with his love for Marina, and his ambition for our German Princess, his brain is so unsetled, he cannot frame a judgement so much as whether a thing be possible, or not; much less discern 'twixt probabilities, and impro­babilities.

Enter Jorden.
Y. Iord.

Sir, I have had remorse of conscience for contend­ing with you for Marina, but to make a perfect amends, and to gain your pardon entirely, I have us'd all my endeavours to perswade her to love you: and, Sir, I have so prevailed that she has promised her Father, she will be your Wife, if you de­mand it of her to night.

Iord.

Ha, to night? I am busle.

Y. Iord.

I am sorry for it, for her father has given her leave to make a vow never to be your wife unless you consummate the marriage this very night.

Iord.

Doctor, what do you advise me to?

Cur.

To think of the Princess.

Iord.

But does she love me think you?

Cur.

She swoon'd when you said you did not love.

Iord.

Yes, and when I said I did, too.

Cur.

She was then possess'd with jealousie, that you lov'd some other Lady: you may, Mr. Iorden, let a Princess dye for you; but it will not be done like a Gentleman.

Iord.

No, won't it be like a Gentleman? Well, Son, let 'em know if they are in such haste, they may do as they please.

Y. Iord.

Will you not go to her, Sir?

Iord.

I have other fish to catch. You may tell Mrs. Ma­rina, they that will not when they may, and so forth.

Y. Iord.

After this night you will have no hopes.

Iord.
[Page 73]

There, or in another place. What, marriage is a mat­ter of moment, and I will first consult with my pillow.

Y. Iord.

I am sorry you are so much disgusted.

Iord.

It may be, anon I may send my man to 'em, and it may be not.

Exit Young Jorden.
Cur.

I have business that way, if you please I'l serve you in that occasion, and tell 'em your mind.

Iord.

Pray do.

Cur.

Your servant.

Exit Cureal.
Enter Trickmore and Jaques.
Iaq.

There be Maitre Iorden.

Trick.

Sir, I have not the honour to be known to you.

Iord.

Nor I the like to you, Sir.

Trick.

I remember I have seen you at my Fathers, when we were Children, your Father used to bring you sometimes to our house; you was the prettiest sweet babe, the women did love to get you upon their knees, and kiss you.

Iord.

Kiss me!

Trick.

Your father and mine were great Cronies.

Iord.

Indeed!

Trick.

I am sorry to hear he is dead, he was a very honest Gentleman.

Iord.

How say you, Sir?

Trick.

I say he was a very honest Gentleman.

Iord.

What, my Father?

Trick.

Yes, as liv'd.

Iord.

And you knew him very well?

Trick.

I did, Sir.

Iord.

And you knew him to be a Gentleman?

Trick.

Yes.

Iord.

Then I know not how the World goes.

Trick.

Why, Sir?

Iord.

All the World knew him to be but a Shop-keeper.

Trick.

He a Shop-keeper?

Iord.

Yes, a Mercer, was he not?

Trick.

He a Mercer? what because he was very obliging, and officious, and because he had great skill in silks, went [Page 74] up and down and bought 'em, and had 'em sent home to his house, and gave 'em to his friends and acquaintance for their money; therefore he was a Shop-keeper, was he?

Iord.

I always thought him a Shop-keeper: but I am glad to understand from you that my Father was a Gentle­man.

Trick.

He was, and I'l maintain it.

Iord.

I am oblig'd to you for it.

Trick.

Since I saw him (good Gentleman) which is now a­bout twenty years, I have travelled almost o'er all the World.

Iord.

O'er all the World?

Trick.

Yes, Sir, o'er all the World.

Iord.

'Tis a great way thither.

Trick.

It is but four days since I have been in Town after my long travels, and to morrow or next day I am to depart again.

Iord.

Your own Country after so long an absence, should methinks be too dear to you to part again so soon.

Trick.

A mans Country is where he can make his fortune, I am lately got into a great imploy.

Iord.

What, I pray?

Trick.

I am the now great Turks English Interpreter, and have been so this fortnight.

Iord.

Are you come so far as from Turkey in a fortnight?

Trick.

Oh, Sir, the great Turk is here.

Iord.

What, in England?

Trick.

Aye, Sir, he is here.

Iord.

Here? what in London?

Trick.

Aye, Sir, and in this house.

Iord.

The great Turk in my house?

Trick.

Yes, and a great train with him.

Iord.

In my house? in this house?

Trick.

In this very house; he is come to visit a Lady that is newly come hither, and to take his leave of her.

Iord.

How came he to know her, and that she was here?

Trick.

He grew acquainted with her in Germany; and at [Page 75] her old lodgings they informed us of her remove, which I was glad to hear; for by this means I have an opportunity to pay my respects to you, Sir, whom I honour for your fathers sake.

Iord.

But pray, Sir, how came the great Turk to be in Christendom?

Trick.

Do not you remember you had the news some while since that the great Turks brother was taken by a Squadron of the French-fleet, as he was sayling to Mecha, to pay his devotions at Mahomet's Shrine?

Iord.

I heard that indeed.

Trick.

The King of France generously restor'd him to li­berty, and he since that time has travell'd over most part of Christendom, and is now come to England; but since his ar­rival at London, which is now but two days, news is come that his Brother who was the Sultan, is dead, and he is to succeed him in his Empire, which occasions his sudden departure, for to morrow, or next day, he is to set sail for Turkey, attended with a Squadron of the Kings Frigats, which his Majesty sends to be his Convoy.

Enter a Turk.
Turk.

Ehhim, acha halif ulabalechi.

Trick.

Alman bochin. Mr. Iorden, I am commanded to go about some affairs, but I'l wait on you again before my great Lord the Sultan turns his posteriors to the front of your Palace.

Exeunt Turk and Trickmore.
Iord.

Your servant, Mr. Interpreter. Mr. Iack, where is this great Turk?

Iaq.

Above vid te Lade.

Iord.

Who showed him up?

Iaq.

Her Shentilewoman.

Iord.

Ha! he smells her out to be a Princess, he is my Ri­val: go fetch me my long Sword and Pumps.

Iaq.

Ha, vat do you mean?

Iord.

Ne'er a great Turk in Christendom shall rob me of my Princess.

Iaq.

Ho Princess! my Maitre be troubled in te esprete.

Iord.
[Page 76]

He is my Rival, and I'l fight him.

Iaq.

You fight te great Turk?

Iord.

I'l challenge him, and kill him by the trick I learnt to day.

Iaq.

Oh he have te grand train vit te Cemiter dat vil sa, sa, sa, cut off te head, and te arm at one blow.

Iord.

Well then, I will play the Polititian: the Dialogue we omitted at dinner, in hopes this would have prov'd mine or my Daughters wedding-night, shall be performed by way of Cerenade, and I will plant my self below o'er against the Balcony; and if I espie his Turkship making any courtship to her, I will put my self into a posture of terrour, and look so grum upon the matter, that he shall think me a Devil or a Rival.

Exeunt Jorden and Jaques.
Enter Trickmore and Young Jorden.
Y. Iord.

Does Sir Simon then believe he has killed me?

Trick.

I put him into a fear that he has done you some mis­chief so soon as I disingag'd him from you at the door; for I got his sword out of his hand, and cut my finger with it, and bloodied the point, which much surpriz'd him; then I hurry­ed him away in great haste to that house, where I caused some persons to come and report the news of your death, which has put him into such fear, that he is resolv'd to leave the Town in disguise to avoid being apprehended.

Y. Iord.

By that means we shall get quit of him.

Trick.

The posture our affairs are in at present, do not much seem to require his absence, therefore I have contriv'd a defeat, and will keep him yet in play. I have set another Spring, which if it catch the Woodcock, 'twill hold him fast. Look here comes forth our Knight in Petty-coats: mussle your self up in your Cloak, and be gon.

Y. Iord.

A stately dame on my word.

Exit Young Jorden.
Enter Sir Simon Softhead, in the habit of a Gentlewoman.
Trick.

Come, Sir, I am in a bodily fear for you, but I think you cannot be known in this disguise, I would not for the World see you hang'd.

Sir Sim.
[Page 77]

Nor I for the world you should see so sad a sight: but I don't flee so much for the fear of death, as that it would be a dishonourable thing to be hang'd; it would be a blur to our Family, and much below the dignity of Knighthood; were I of a mean discent, or a poor Devil, it were another matter.

Trick.

Right, hanging then would not be so much, it were more suitable to ones condition. Come, Sir, I'l lead you off, think to demean your self like a woman of Quality, and car­ry your self with some state.

Sir Sim.

Shaw waugh: let me alone for that, I know how to carry my self like a Lady of honour. I warrant you; but have I not a little too much beard?

Trick.

Some women have as much: but put your Mask on, that will hide it.

Sir Sim.

I have ne'er a Mask.

Trick.

I laid a Vizard Mask with the rest of your things, I'l step in and fetch it: Do you practise a good carriage in the mean time.

Exit Trickmore.
Enter two men with Clubs.
1 Man.

A pox on this Sir Simon Softhead, that he should get away already.

2 Man.

O that we could find him, that we might get the twenty pounds, Mr. Iorden offers them that can bring him before a Justice.

Sir Sim.

Ha, these are hounds upon the scent for me.

1 Man.

I am as weary as a dog with running about, but hang't he's gone, we got crowns a piece to encourage us to begin the search, e'en let us go and be merry now.

Sir Sim.

I would ye were gone, that I might be a little mer­ry too.

2 Man.

I'faith Comrade, we'l have a Wench if we can get one, I'l try if I can pick up that Gentlewoman, she looks like a good brazon'd fac'd Quean.

Sir Sim.

How shall I behave my self now? these fellows un­derstand no breeding.

2 Man.

What, Mistress, are you here all alone?

Sir Sim.
[Page 78]

No, now you are here I am not alone.

Sir Simon counterfeiting a womans voice.
2 Man.

Mistress, if you please.

Sir Sim.

Keep your hands off, they don't please.

2 Man.

Here is excellent liquor hard by, pray let us wait on you to take a pot.

Sir Sim.

I am not such a one as you take me for.

1 Man.

Faith she's a good bonny Lass: Pray give me your hand, Lady.

Sir Sim.

O'er your ears, and you will ye saucy Rascals, I am a person of Quality.

2 Man.

Oh we know how to be civil.

1 Man.

Oh Rogue, what a breast is there, I warrant you?

Sir Sim.

Ye are the rudest insolent fellows I e'er saw in my life.

2 Man.

Aye he's a rude Rogue, go with me Mistress.

1 Man.

Go with you Comrade?

Sir Sim.

Let go my hand.

1 Man.

Aye, let go her hand; come, Madam, you and I.

Sir Sim.

Let me go both of you: is this usage to be offer'd to a person of Quality? let go my hands, or I'll spit in your faces.

2 Man.

Come, Madam, come this way.

They tug him about from one to another.
1 Man.

No this way; I know where there is the best drink

2 Man.

You lye, I know best: this way, Madam.

1 Man.

No, come this way.

Sir Sim.

You uncivil, unmannerly fellows, how ye haul and pull me, I'l kick your arses for you soundly.

Sir Simon kicks and boxes 'em.
1 Man.

O Lord, Madam. O, O.

2 Man.

Nay, nay, nay, good Madam.

Enter Cureal in the habit of a Constable.
Cur.

Ha! what is here to do? I charge you in the Kings name to keep the peace.

Sir Sim.

You unmannerly Rogues pick me up? I'l [Page 79] make ye know I am a man—a woman of Quality.

Cur.

I'l have 'em before a Justice, if you please, Madam.

Sir Sim.

I pray do Mr. Constable, they have pull'd me al­most limb from limb, the Rogues would have ravish'd me.

1 Man.

O good, Mr. Constable, we were but in quest of the Knight that kill'd the Gentleman, we thought this might be he in disguise, and went to search.

Sir Sim.

O what a mischievous lye has the Rogue told for an excuse.

Cur.

Go, be gone about your business.

Exeunt two men.
Sir Sim.

I thank you, Mr. Constable, I know not how to make you an amends for my deliverance.

Cur.

'Twill be an amends sufficient, if you prove to be the person they took you for, 'twill be twenty pound in my way.

Sir Sim.

Oh, I find by the constitution of my body here will be foul work.

Aside.
Cur.

By all circumstances you must be Sir Simon, you have a masculine spirit, I saw you boxing, and kicking a little too heroically for a Woman.

Sir Sim.

Oh I can hold no longer.

Cur.

And a word slipt from you unawares e'en now, I heard you say, as I am a man of Quality: Let me observe you well; faugh, I smell you out; oh there are the stumps of a beard and all.

Sir Sim.

I am undone: Good Mr. Constable, I am not he you look for.

Cur.

Well, well, come before Mr. Iorden, we shall soon know who you are.

Sir Sim.

Nay, good Mr. Constable.

Enter Trickmore.
Trick.

Heavens! Sir Simon, what's here to do?

Cur.

O, lo you there, you are Sir Simon.

Sir Sim.

Oh discovered: undone.

Cur.

Yes, yes, come; come a-long.

Trick.

Nay Mr. Constable, you and I have been old friends, [Page 80] pray, for my sake let him go, and say you saw him not.

Cur.

Ne'er talk on't.

Trick.

You were won't to esteem my friendship; come, pray let us adjust the business; Sir Simon, pull out your gold.

Sir Sim.

Oh cursed London!

Cur.

Pray Mr. Trickmore, think not of any such thing, I dare not do it, I protest.

Trick.

Hold, hold your hand, there's gold, there are twen­ty Guinneys, Mr. Constable.

Cur.

The reward is so much to take him.

Trick.

And there it is, not to take; him a thing sooner done by half.

Cur.

Aye, Sir, but the breach of my duty, it is my office.

Trick.

Come, there are twenty more.

Cur.

Not for a thousand, I protest.

Sir Sim.

Not for a thousand? then it is a thousand pound to a penny, but I shall be hang'd.

Trick.

Sir Simon, how much was in the purse?

Sir Sim.

A hundred Guinneys.

Trick.

Shall I give him all if he'l take 'em?

Sir Sim.

All, all: I would not be hang'd for a hundred thousand.

Trick.

Here, Mr. Constable, take all in the purse: a hundred I assure you.

Cur.

Well, Sir, I would not take it, but that I have a device in my head may secure me: look you, Sir, I have hold of Sir Simon: do you now pull him away by force: so, now if his escape be found out, you will be call'd in question for it.

Trick.

Well, I'l venture more than that to serve Sir Simon.

Sir Sim.

Now he can do it with security, he might afford to give me half my money back again.

Trick.

Have a care of marring the matter. But pray tell me Mr. Constable is young Mr. Iorden dead?

Cur.

I have some reason to think he is not at all hurt, but [Page 81] that this is a design of theirs to bring Sir Simon into trouble▪ and that the son conceals himself in his Fathers house to this purpose: But for fear it should be otherwise, get you gone so soon as you can, to prevent danger.

Sir Sim.

Aye, let's be on the safer side. A [...] my shirt sticks to me like a Cerecloath.

Cur.

Away, I hear a noise, more are coming this way, I'l go and delay 'em till you get clear.

Sir Sim.

Well, excepting your self, this is the only man of honesty I have met with here in Town, but I perceive it is scarce with him, he sells it so dear.

Exit Cureal.
Trick.

Vertue, Sir Simon must be encouraged; come, Sir, while you go in and dress you, I'l pretend business to Mr. Iorden's house, and find out whether his son hath receiv'd any hurt or not; and bring you word.

Exeunt Sir Simon, Trickmore.
Enter Mr. Jorden, Musick, two Shepherds, and a Shepherdess.
Iord.

Musick, plant your selves under that Window, away with it smartly and briskly: so, this has allarm'd 'em to the Balcony. Now you to your Dialogue, and I to my posture.

Cleverwit in Turks habit with Betty Trick­more and Lucia appear in the Balcony, Jorden stands making grimaces all the while the Song is sung.
Two Shepherds, and a Shepherdess betwixt 'em, sing.
1 Man.
A heart in loves Empire, tho' jocund, and blyth
From cares, and from fears can never he free:
'Tis said that with pleasure we languish and sigh;
But for all can be urg'd, there's nothing can be
So pleasant, so pleasant as our libertie.
2 Man.
None are more happy, nor none are more blest
Than whom Love doth inspire, with a gentle, soft fire;
When both of them sigh, and neither can rest,
How pleasant their pantings, how sweet their desire!
[Page 82]Love is a blessing, tho' counted a Pain;
For take away Love, no pleasures remain.
2 Man.
To submit to Loves Law, ah sweet it would be,
If in Love we [...] any fidelity see:
But O Rigour extream! O fate too unkind!
A Shepherdess faithful, no man can find:
And this faithless Sex so unworthy doth prove,
They ought not to live, or ought not to love.
Woman.

Ah passion most sweet!

1 Man.

Ah blest libertie!

2 Man.

Sex full of deceit!

1 Man.

How dear unto me!

Woman.

How my heart you do ease!

2 Man.

And how mine you displease!

1 Man.

Ah quit thou for love this hatred so great▪

Woman.
A Shepherdess you,
May find that is true.
2 Man.

But alas! where can she be met?

Woman.
Our credits to save, my heart▪
I do offer—
1 Man.

—O subtle Art!

2 Man.
But Shepherdess may I believe,
That it wonnot it wonnot deceive?
Woman.
By experience let us try,
Who can love best you or I.
1 Man.
To them that constancy want,
May the Gods ne▪er their wishes grant.
All three.
Let's permit the soft fire,
To enflame our desire.
Ah! how pleasant, how pleasant is love,
When two hearts faithful do prove!
Young Jorden and Marina in the Balcony are against 'em▪
Mar.

He treats his new Mistress with a great deal of gal­lantry.

Y. Iord▪
[Page 83]

Now dearest Marina, let us ascend to your Father, he is by this time from his Window convine'd of the slight is put on you; hang about his neck, use all your little arts and pretty blandishments to gain his consent: you have power­ful charms in your perswasions, such as will mollifie the most rigid natures.

Mar.

He does not at all dislike your person.

Y. Iord.

And I will induce him to consider the hopes I have of an estate, notwithstanding my fathers extravagant humour, I'l shew him what I have in present, and what more I hope from the event of this night.

Mar.

I am called.

Y. Iord.

Come it is your Fathers voice.

They retire from the Balcony.
Jorden stands all this while in a posture, with his eyes fix'd on the Balcony.
Enter Mr. Jorden and Trickmore.
Trick.

Sir, Mr. Iorden, Mr. Iorden, I have most advanta­geous news for you: My Lord and Master the Grand Seignior is mightily in love with your Daughter.

Iord.

Ha, with my Daughter!

Trick.

Yes.

Iord.

With my Daughter, said you?

Trick.

He has a mind to be your Son in-Law.

Iord.

The great Turk be my Son-in-Law?

Trick.

Yes, Sir, he call'd me to him just now, and speaking in his own Language, said, Acciam croc soler ouch alla Mou­staphi gidelum amanahem vorahini oussere carbulath, (That is to say) This is that fair person I yesterday saw pass along the street: This is she I languish'd for, and knew not where to find.

Iord.

The Great Turk say this of my Lucie!

Trick.

I told him she was wondrous beautiful: Then, said he, Marababa sahem, Ah how much in love am I!

Iord.

Marababa sahem, mean, ah how much in love am I!

Trick.

Yes.

Iord.

I am beholden to you for telling me, for I could ne'er [Page 84] have thought that Marababa sahem, should signifie, Ah how much in love am I! Ah this Turkish is a most admirable Language.

Trick.

Much better than one could imagine; do you know what means cacaracamouchen?

Iord.

Cacaracamouchen? no.

Trick.

That is to say, my pretty Pigsnie.

Iord.

Cacaracamouchen, signifie my pretty Pigsnie?

Trick.

Yes.

Iord.

It is a most excellent Language: cacaracamouchen, my pretty Pigsnie: ah that a Turk should say so!

Trick.

In fine, to tell you my whole embassey, he is coming down to demand your Daughter in marriage, and to make you worthy to be his Father-in-Law, he will make you a Mamamouchi, which is the greatest honour and dignity among the Turks.

Iord.

A Mamamouchi?

Trick.

Yes, a Mamamouchi; that is to say, a Paladin, and a Paladin is a sort of the most ancient. In fine, a Paladin is a Paladin, and a Paladin and a Mamamouchi are all one and the same thing: nothing is more noble in the world, and you may walk cheek by Jowl with the greatest Seigniors upon Earth.

Iord.

The Grand Seignior honours me very much, and I beseech you conduct me to him, to kiss his hand and give him thanks.

Trick.

Oh, Sir, he is coming down to you.

Iord.

He come down to me?

Trick.

Yes, and will instal you in the dignity; it is his cu­stom where e'er he goes to visit, to present the Master of the house with a Turkish habit, and you will instantly have one brought to you to put on.

Iord.

That will be noble.

Trick.

He will consummate the marriage to night.

Iord.

That will be quick dispatch.

Trick.

His love cannot brook delay, within a day he de­parts hence, he will take you and your Daughter a▪ long with him to Turkey, if you'l go.

Iord.
[Page 85]

But all that I fear, is my Daughter should be averse to the marriage; she is a little untoward sometimes in cases of this nature.

Trick.

O, but to be the Grand Seigniors wife, she to be the Sultaness, and you a Mamamouchi! O she cannot refuse this. See, Sir, there comes the greatest man that walks upon the earth.

Enter Cleverwit in Turkish habit, his train carried up by three Blacks, Turkish attendants, and three Turks with Vest, Turbant, Cemiter and Shoes.
Clev.

Ambousahim, oqui boraf, Iordina, sala ma lecqui.

Trick.

That is to say, Mr. Iorden, may your heart be all the year round like a Rose Tree, full of buds. This is the manner of speaking obligingly in that Country.

Iord.

I am his highness the great Turks most humble servant.

Trick.

Carigar, cambito oustin moraf.

Clev.

Oustin yoc catamalequi basum, basè alla moran.

Trick.

He wishes Heaven may give you the strength of Ly­ons, and the prudence of Serpents.

Iord.

His High and mighty Highness the great Turk does me too great an honour, and I wish him all the happiness in the World.

Trick.

Ossa binamen sadoc babally oracaf ouram.

Clev.

Bell men.

Cleverwit and attendants exeunt.
Trick.

He says, these shall wait on you to cloath you in that habit, in order to the ceremony of making you a Mama­mouchi, and for the celebrating the Rites of your Daughters Marriage.

Iord.

All that in two words?

Trick.

O, Sir, the Turkish Language is very significant, much may be said in few words. But to be a Mamamouchi, you must be a Mahometan.

Iord.

I do not much scruple to change my religion, for any will serve my turn; but methinks it is not a Gentleman­like quality to change, tho' a man be sure of a better.

Trick.

But to be a Mamamouchi you must be a Maho­metan.

Iord.
[Page 86]
Then long live Mahomet.
Who stops when honour calls is but a Lourdane,
Honour need but to beckon Master Iorden.

ACT V. SCENE I.

The Scene draws open, and discovers Cleverwit sitting in state, Lucia on his right hand, and Betty Trickmore on his left, Attendants of Turks on each side the Throne. The Mufti with a Turbant stuck full of Lights, sitting at his feet.
Enter To solemn Musick on each side of the Stage, many Turks bowing their bodies to Cleverwit. After them
Enter Two Dervises leading in Mr. Jorden dress'd in a Turkish Vest: But without Turbant, Sash or Cemiter; follow'd by Trick­more, dancing Turks and others bearing in the Turbant, Sash and Cemiter. The Mufti rises and takes Mr. Jorden to the Bottom of the Stage and Sings.
Mufti.
Seti sabir
Ti respondir
Se non Sabir
Tazir, Tazir
Mi star Mufti
Tiqui star ti
Non Intendir
Tazir, Tazir.
Trick.

He bids you hold your peace.

The Mufti runs Jorden backward, sits down by him on the foot of the Throne; the Turks dance; then the Mufti rises, and the Dervises hurry Jorden down to the bottom of the Stage again.
Trick.
[Page 87]

Now the Mufti will demand what Religion you are of.

Trickmore to Jorden.
Mufti.

Anabaptista, Anabaptista.

Derv. and Turks.

No, no, no.

Mufti.

Brunista, Brunista.

Derv. and Turks.

No, no, no.

Mufti.

Calvanista, Calvanista.

Derv. and Turks.

No, no, no.

Mufti.

Papista, Papista.

Derv. and Turks.

No, no, no.

Mufti.

Mohometana, Mahometana.

Derv. and Turks.

Hivalla, Hivalla, Hivalla.

Mufti stamps.

Chou, Chou, Chou.

At this the dancing Turks which stood round him, shrink up their shoulders, and jump backward till they come to each side of the Stage, and stand in Antick postures; the Mufti makes signs of invo­cating Mahomet.
Mufti.

Mahametta, Mahametta, Mahametta.

2 Derv.

Mahametta, &c.

Mufti.
Mahametta per Giourdina
Mi pregar, sera é Mattina
Voler far un Paladina
Dé Giourdina, de Giourdina
Dar Turbanta é dar scarcinae
Con Galera é Brigantina
Per defender Palastina
Mahometta, &c.
The Dervises set the Turbant on Mr. Jordens head, and gird him with the Sash.
Mufti.

Star Bon Turca Giourdina.

Trick.

He tells you, you are now made a Turk.

Derv. and Turks.

Hivalla, Hivalla, Hivalla.

Iord.

Hivalla, Hivalla, &c.

Mufti.

Chou, chou, chou.

The Mufti stamps to quiet them. Jorden falls back in imitation of the Turks before.
[Page 88] Mufti singing and dancing.

Hula baba la chou, ba la haba la da.

2 Derv. and Turk

ala baba, &c.

Iord.
imitates.

Hula ba, &c.

Mufti.

Chou, chou, chou.

The Dervises bring Jorden forward again.
Trick.

Now you must answer for your self.

Mufti.

Ti non star Furba.

Trick.

He asks you if you are a Knave?

Iord.

No, no, no.

Mufti.

Ti non star Furfanta.

Trick.

He asks if you are a Paltroon.

Iord.

No, no, no.

Mufti.

Donar Turbanta, Donar Turbanta.

Derv. and Turks.

Donar Turbanta, &c.

Mufti.
Ti star Nobile é non star fabbola
Pigilar Schiabbola.
Trick.

He tells you, you are ennobled, and bids you take the Cemiter.

2 Derv. and Turks.

Tistar Nobile, &c.

Mufti.
Dara Dara
Bastonnara Bastonnara.
2 Derv. and Turks.

Dara Dara.

Here the Dervises run him back to's seat again, and the dancing Turks brandish their Cemiters about him. The Mufti sits down, the Dervises stand on each hand of him. The Turks dance, and at the end of the Dance make a lane; holding their Cemiters in threatning postures: the Mufti and Dervises run Jorden into the middle of them.
Mufti.
Non tener Honta.
Questa star ultima affront.
2 Derv. and the Turks.

Non tener, &c.

Here the Mufti and Turks turn round a good while as fast as they can, and the Dervises makes Jorden turn round as fast: They stop on a sudden, and stand all bow­ing to Mr. Jorden: Then solemn Musick plays, and Cleverwit discends to Jorden, and lays both his hands on his head.
Clev.
[Page 89]

Mamamouchi, Paladin, Paladin.

Exit leading off Betty Trickmore and Lucia. The Stage clears in order: solemn Musick plays all the while.
Manent Trickmore, Jorden.
Trick.

The Sultan saluted you as he went off by the Title of Mamamouchi and Paladin.

Iord.

O there is a great grace in the sound of Mama­mouchi.

Trick.

The next thing you are to do, may it so please the il­lustrious Mamamouchi, is to give your Daughter in Marriage to the Sultan, and to set your hand and seal to those writings are drawing within to convey your Land away.

Iord.

But why must not a Mamamouchi have Land?

Trick.

A Mamamouchi is the greatest honour a subject can be rais'd to, and to have Lands is not consistent with so great a Dignity, because it implyes a kind of slavery and ser­vitude.

Iord.

Humh.

Trick.

Another reason is, they are men in great Power; and if they might be Possessors of Land, they might in time purchase whole Countries, and raise Armies of their Tenants, and become Rebels.

Iord.

Humh.

Trick.

And for this cause no subject of the mighty Sultans is permitted to have any inheritance of Land. You my great Master and Illustrious Mamamouchi, will have yearly coming in no less than fourscore or a hundred thousand pound a year.

Iord.

Well, my Daughter will be provided for by her Mar­riage, I am going a Mamamouchi into Turkey: My Son shall have my Land, and stay in England to continue the name, that after ages may know, from whence came Ionathan Ior­den the great Mamamouchi.

Trick.

I'l leave you to the congratulation of your friends, [Page 90] that will be flocking to you to salute you by your new title.

Exit Trickmore.
Iord.

Iack, approach:

Jaques laughs.

It is now below me to give you the title of Master, I must now call thee Iack; for thou seest I am created a Mamamouchi.

Iaq.

A Mam—hi, hi, hi?

Iord.

How now?

Iaq.

Vat be you, Sir, a Mama—hi, hi, hi?

Iord.

I am a Mamamouchi.

Iaq.

A Mamamou—hi, hi, hi?

Iord.

How dares thee knave laugh before a Mamamouchi?

Iaq.

A Mamamouchi—hi, hi, hi?

Iord.

What does the slave mean?

Iaq.

Maitre Iorden be a Mamamouchi—hi, hi, hi?

Iord.

Grand insolence!

Iaq.

O me demand pardon of te great Mamamouchi—hi, hi, hi.

Iord.

I will not indure this.

Iaq.

Me be trouble very mush, but me can no hold to see, hi, hi, hi.

Iord.

Slave, to see what?

Iaq.

To see, hi, hi hi.

Iord.

Hold, or Il run my fist down your throat.

Iaq.

Me demand pardon on me two knee, hi, hi, hi, you are so pleasant, hi, hi, hi, tat me ne'er see te like, hi, hi, hi.

Iord.

Thou French Rascal!

Iaq.

You be so comical, tat—hi, hi, hi.

Iord.

Insufferable, intolerable, insupportable.

Iaq.

Excuse me but a little, hi, hi, hi,

Iord.

Take warning, or by Mahomet, and the great Turk, thy chastisement shall be most bloudy.

Iaq.

O, me have done, hi, hi, hi.

Iord.

Hear then.

Iaq.

Hi, hi, hi.

Iord.

You Iack shall go with me into Turkey, and be my French Interpreter.

Iaq.

Ouy Monsieur, hi, hi, hi.

Iord.

Are you snearing again?

Iaq.

Hi, hi, hi, here, Sir, beat a me, box me, buffet me, [Page 91] kick me, give me to bastonado; but no, hi, hi, hi, hinder me laugh, hi, hi, hi.

Iord.

Then by the Turbant of a Mamamouchi my revenge shall cut the off.

Iaq.

Hi, hi, hi. O, murder, murder.

Boy.

Murder, murder.

Enter Young Jorden.
Y. Iord.

What out-cry is this?

Boy.

O my Master is huzzaing the Munfu.

Y. Iord.

Hold, Sir, what do you mean to kill him?

Iord.

I have sworn by Mahomet, and cannot in honour come off without his head.

Iaq.

O pray make te agreement, me only laugh'd out my laugh, hi, hi, hi.

Iord.

Laugh at a Mamomouchi?

Y. Iord.

Did not duty restrain me, I could not forbear; this strange garb and alteration will raise laughter where e'er you go.

Iord.

No, I am going where a Mamamouchi is adored.

Y. Iord.

What mean you, Sir, by Mamamouchi?

Iord.

I mean Paladin a certain kind, of Paladin, and Ma­mamouchi are all one.

Y. Iord.

A certain kind of wild beast, is it not?

Iord.

I tell you, I am a Mamamouchi, it is a certain kind of honour amongst the Turks: In fine, had you come a little sooner, you might have seen the ceremony.

Y. Iord.

What Ceremony?

Iord.

Mahometa par Iordina.

Y. Iord.

What means this?

Iord.

Iordina, that is to say Iorden.

Y. Iord.

Well, Sir.

Iord.

Volar far un Paladina de Iordina.

Y. Iord.

How's that?

Iord.

Dar turbanta con gulera.

Y. Iord.

What signifies this?

Iord.

Per defender Palestina.

Y. Iord.

What mean you by all this?

Iord.

Dara, dara bastonnara.

Y. Iord.

Strange kind of gibberish this!

Iord.

Non tener honta questa star l'ultima affronta.

Y. Iord.

I beseech you, Sir, let me but know what all this signifies.

Iord.
[Page 92]
Sings and dances

Hou la baba la chou, ba la ba ba la da.

Y. Iord.

Certainly, Sir, you are going distracted.

Iord.

Peace, insolent, learn to behave your self with more respect to a Mamamouchi.

Y. Iord.

Well, Sir, I come not to offend you, but to ac­quaint you, that fair Marina's Father is so incens'd against her for provoking you to quit your intentions, that he has turn'd her out of doors, and vowed in his anger never to see her face, till she has reconcil'd you to her, and is become your Wife.

Iord.

My Wife! the case is altered now, I am a Ma­mamouchi.

Y. Iord.

Sir, I was in part the occasion of her misfortune, therefore give me leave to intreat you to be kind to her.

Iord.

No, she has not state nor grandeur enough in her per­son to be a Mamamoucha, Paladina. Here comes my Princess, ha with what a swoop and haughty mein she marches forward! Go you in and peruse the writings are drawing, and you will see what you get by my being a Mamamouchi.

Enter Betty Trickmore.
B. Trick.

I come to pay the first tribute of homage to your new dignity, and to wish you much joy of the Election of your Daughter to the Grandeur of Sultanness.

Iord.
Making reverences after the Turkish mode

Madam, I wish you the strength of Serpents, and the prudence of Lyons.

B. Trick.

I am proud of the honour I have to be the first that comes to salute you by the title of Great and Illustrious.

Iord.

Madam, I wish that you may be all the year round like a Rose-tree full of buds, that I may have the gathering them, that with the breath of Mamamouchi they may be full blown, that they may ever flourish in the Sun-shine of Pala­dines prosperity, and that—

B. Trick.

That would be an honour, Sir, too great.

Iord.

Say, will they kindly admit the influence of my love?

B. Trick.

Ah, can the heart of a Mamamouchi descend [Page 93] from the high mountain top of honour to perch upon a Rose­tree that grows in the valley?

Iord.

Marababa sahem, that is by way of being my own interpreter: Ah how in love am I!

B. Trick.

With me?

Iord.

With thee Cacaracamouchen my pretty pigsnie.

B. Trick.

But do you love me?

Iord.

Thee, and only thee, by Mahomet.

B. Trick.

After this assurance, I no longer will conceal the secret of my Quality; then Prince Mamamouchi, I am not be­low your love: here, Sir, take my hand, and know that by birth I am—

Enter Marina weeping.
Iord.

Little thinks she I know already—what.

B. Trick.

Prevented.

Iord.

In what an unluky minute comes she here?

Mar.

Ah, Mr. Iorden, is it thus you treat a harmless maid! can you be so cruel after all your vows of love and proffer'd kindness to forsake me? Ah, did the message of my love me­rit no better a return than scorn?

B. Trick.

How! what do I hear!

Iord.

Puh, Madam, mind not her idle story.

B. Trick.

Is it possible you should be faithless and uncon­stant?

Iord.

I unconstant? no, no, it is not in my nature.

B. Trick.

Do you then love her still? ah me!

Iord.

I love her? that's a good one: look you, Madam, does she seem fit to be a Mamamoucha or a Paladina; no, no, 'tis you I love.

Mar.

'Twas me you did love.

Iord.

Prithee hold thy prating.

Mar.

You have forsaken and undone me.

Iord.

I think the wench is mad; look you, to put you out of your pain, see here I bestow my hand and heart.

B. Trick.

Wou'd you deceive me too?

Iord.

I vow—

Enter Cureal.
B. Trick.

Hold dissembler, let me vow first.

Iord.
[Page 94]

Hear me.

B. Trick.

I vow not to hear, nor see you this—

Iord.

Hold, ah hold, hold.

B. Trick.

This half-hour—nor love you if I can help it.

Exit Betty Trickmore.
Mar.

Ah hapless Maid, what has fate in reserve for thee but death, that art abandon'd by a Father, and by a Lover forsaken? Unkind and cruel man farewel, you soon shall hear that I am dead, laid in the cold grave, cover'd o'er with earth, and then forgotten as now forsaken.

Exit Marina.
Cur.

What means my friend by this sad posture?

Iord.

I vow to you,

Jorden blubbers all the while he speaks.

Mr. Doctor, I cannot help it; I cannot but grieve; I was al­ways good natur'd; I ought to pitty her; for the truth on't is I, I, I, have wrong'd her poor thing!

Cur.

Truly my heart melts too, and I have brine in my eyes, I cannot but mourn to see a Mamamouchi weep. But the very sound of that word comforts and rejoyces me.

Iord.

And so it does me.

Cur.

I heard the news within, and came in haste to wish long life, continual health, and all hearts ease to my friend the Illustrious Paladin. Come, Sir, think no more of her, it was her own fault.

Iord.

And so it was; but, Mr. Doctor, she came in the most unlucky minute.

Cur.

As how?

Iord.

Just as my Princess was about to give me her hand in earnest of her heart, she bolts in, and interrupts us with her whining.

Cur.

Strange accident!

Iord.

Had she staid but one minute longer, we had struck up the bargain.

Cur.

Indeed!

Iord.

And she was just upon discovery to me who she was.

Cur.

All will out, Love can keep no secrets.

Iord.

She grew jealous presently, and banish'd me her presence.

Cur.

But for half an hour, if she can be without your com­pany so long.

Iord.
[Page 95]

She had no sooner heard love named, but she flew off.

Cur.

You'l have her come about again, like a bird that is scared, which takes a flight round, and lights just in the same place.

Iord.

I long till the half hour is out, that I may be at her again.

Cur.

In the mean time introduce me to the Sultan as a friend of yours, that I may give him my respects as your Son-in-Law.

Iord.

Come I'l recommend you to him as my special good friend.

Exeunt.
Enter Sir Simon in a Cloak in his Shirt, and drawers un­derneath, and Trickmore.
Trick.

Your cloaths stole? which way?

Sir Sim.

I left 'em on the chair under the window: when I went in I found the window open.

Trick.

Being a ground room it was an easie matter. Well, but I bring you good news after all; Mr. Iorden is no more hurt than you or I.

Sir Sim.

Nay then I care not.

Trick.

I saw him go in and out at his Fathers house two or three times.

Sir Sim.

Did you?

Trick.

Come, now I'l carry you to your lodging, I have a friend lives at the end of this street, will make you very wel­come for my sake.

Sir Sim.

I thank you, Sir; I am so infinitely beholden to you.

Enter Lucia and Betty Trickmore.
B. Trick.

Here they are.

Luc.

I'l keep on my Mask, that Sir Simon may not know me.

B. Trick.

Ah Gentlemen, Gentlemen!

Trick.

Ha!

B. Trick.

Ah, if ye are noble Gentlemen, give protection to a distressed Virgin.

Trick.

Sir Simon, it is the height of gallantry, and the glory of Knighthood to succour beauty in distress. Madam, be your cause what it will, here are those will stand your champi­ons.

Sir Sim.
[Page 96]

This adventure makes me think I am a Knight er­rant.

Trick.

Declare fair Damsel what your disasters are, that by the knowledge of them, we may judge how capable we are to serve you.

B. Trick.

My Father dying while I was an infant, deliver'd me to the care of his-brother, and in his last Will command­ed me to respect my uncle, as I would have done him, had he liv'd; and there left me ten thousand pound in money, and six hundred pounds a year in Land. But the moyty to be forfeited, if I marry'd without this Uncles consent; but he covetous wretch, is now grown so inhumanely cruel, that he would sell me to one I ne'er can love, for half my por­tion, and force me to be his wife: This five thousand pound here in gold

Open the Cabinet.
Trick.

Ha, gold, see, Sir Simon.

Sir Sim.

Gold indeed!

B. Trick.

Was the price my Uncle sold me for, and this is the night I should have been forced to marry against my will: but whilst my Uncle and intended husband were con­sulting about my Joynture, my Damsel and I found an oppor­tunity, encourag'd by this Gold and these Jewels to make an escape.

Sir Sim.

A pretty adventure.

Trick.

Aye, Sir Simon, 'twere pretty indeed, if the story would run on in adventures, till at last it ended as Romances do with a Marriage.

Sir Sim.

And I the man.

Trick.

Oh, 'twould be a solecism in a Romance to make the Lady distressed marry any other than the Knight had re­scu'd her.

Sir Sim.

Five thousand pounds in hand, and all these Jewels.

Trick.

Besides you'l recover the rest. Lady, this Knight vows he will protect you not only this night, but as long as the fates permit him to draw vital breath.

B. Trick.

The deceased daughter of old Goodhope thanks you.

Trick.
[Page 97]

Goodhope! are you indeed his Daughter?

B. Trick.

The same.

Trick.

I knew him well, and was one of the witnesses to the Will you speak of. Could you but get this Girl, Sir Si­mon, you would not lose your labour of coming to Town. But, Madam, who was the man your Uncle would compel you to marry?

B. Trick.

One Mr. Iorden:

Trick.

Iorden! 'twould be a rare revenge if you could get Iordens Mistress from him.

B. Trick.

But rather than be his wife, I have vowed to mar­ry the first Gentleman that asks me the question.

Sir Sim.

If I can serve you, sweet Virgin, think of no other.

Trick.

Madam, I hear a noise. It may be somebody coming in quest of you.

B. Trick.

O courteous Knight conduct me to some place where I may find a refuge.

Sir Sim.

My Arms shall be your sanctuary.

Trick.

Sir Simon, we'l stay now at this house, here lodges a young Oxford Parson of my acquaintance, and if the Lady please to let him pronounce the spell of Matrimony, she will no longer be in danger of them that pursue her.

Sir Sim.

Yonder is somebody coming.

Trick.

Away, Sir, with sword in hand like a valiant Hero, and stout Champion, lead off the Virgin in defiance of danger.

Sir Sim.

Which thus I do.

Trick.

I as your Squire, will follow with the Damsel, and guard the Gold.

Sir Simon, Betty Trickmore, Trickmore, Lucia, exeunt.
Enter Mr. Jorden, Cureal, Young Jorden.
Iord.

There: now you are Master of my whole estate, all is your own.

Gives him a parchment.
Y. Iord.

This is a sad bounty, Sir, which gives me your Estate, and deprives me of your self: but must I never see you more?

Iord.

No.

Y. Iord.
[Page 98]

May I not once in ten years make a voyage to see you, Sir, at Constantinople?

Iord.

I thought what you'd be at, but to confine you in England, I have setled my Estate upon you conditionally, and you forfeit it to Mr. Doctor here, if ever you travel out of the three Kingdoms.

Y. Iord.

I should have been glad to have seen you in your grandeur in Turkey, and to have had the honour of being owned by a Mamamouchi for his Son, but since you will not have it so—

Iord.

Look you friend, now you shall see my Sultan Son­in-Law, I know the first word will be to ask for my Daughter, therefore, Son, go see if she is dress'd, and bid her come away.

Exit Young Jorden.
Enter Cleverwit, two Dervises, Attendants.
Cur.

I am, may it please you mighty Sultan, an intimate friend of your noble Father-in-Law here, the new created Mamamouchi: I come to pay you my most profound respects and services, and to do reverence to the hem of your Vest.

Iord.

Where is this Interpreter now to tell him who you are, and what it is you say? Ah you shall hear how obligingly he will answer you, where a-duce is this man gone?

to Cle­verwit

Strouf, strif, strof, straf; this is a Doc-tore, a Doc-tore, a grand man with the King, a Mamamouchi English: Euh, I cannot make him understand me better.

Clev.

Cacaracamouchen.

Iord.

Aye, your Cacaracamouchen is dressing, dressing, I knew he would be asking for my Daughter.

He makes signs of dressing.
Clev.

Marababasahem.

Iord.

Aye, and she is Marababasahem.

Cur.

What's that?

Iord.

He tells me, he is deeply in love.

Iaq.
Within

Teives, teives, teives, begar.

Iord.

Hark, they cry Thieves.

Iord and Iaq.

Euh.

Jorden is going out in haste, Jaques enters, runs against him, and almost beats him backward.
Iord.

Villain, hadst thou a mind to be the death of a Ma­mamouchi?

Iaq.
[Page 99]

O me beg te pardon. But me come to tell you of Teives, Rogues, you be rob, rob of your gold, rob of your money.

Iord. and Cur.

Rob'd?

Iaq.

Me had te occasion to go into your Shambré, and me find your shest, your iron shest open, noting witin, all gone, gone.

Iord.

No Cabinet? no gold.

Iaq.

No, no Cabinet, no Gold, no Money, noting at all, all gone, all gone.

Iord.

Find out the Thief, or you are he.

Iaq.

Teif, teif, jernè Frenchman and Teif, begar find out te Teif your self, ho, ho.

Iord.

Ah good Iack, good Mr. Iack, find out the Thief has stole the Cabinet, the Jewels, my Princess Jewels.

Iaq.

O ho den Maitre Iacques be no Teif.

Iord.

No, run, run, cry stop Thief, stop Thief.

Runs up and down the Stage.
Clev.

Cassa molou.

Cleverwit speaks to him.
Iord.

Oh rob'd, rob'd, rob'd of my Princess Jewels: Thieves, Thieves, Thieves.

Enter Young Jorden.
Y. Iord.

Oh, Sir, undone, undone.

Iord.

Aye, undone, undone, the Cabinet, the Jewels.

Y. Iord.

My Sister, Sir.

Iord.

No, no, she has 'em not.

Y. Iord.

Is stole, is gone.

Iord.

Aye, aye, they are stole, and gone, quite gone.

Y. Iord.

Aye, Sir, my Sister is stole, my Sister is gone.

Iord.

Your Sister gone too!

Y. Iord.

Aye, Sir, gone away, run away, stole away.

Iord.

O unfortunate Mamamouchi! lose my gold, lose my daughter; and now the Jewels are lost, I shall lose my Princess too. Oh undone, undone.

Cur.

Alas, alas!

Y. Iord.

She left this note on her Table to let you know she could not like the great Turk so well as another, you once approv'd of for her husband, and to avoid the marriage, is fled away into the arms of one will this night make her his Wife.

Iord.

Oh, undone, undone, undone.

Cur.

Have patience, Sir.

Iord.
[Page 100]

Now shall not I be carryed into Turkey, but remain a sneaking Mamamouchi here in England.

Enter Trickmore.
Trick.

What is your daughter gone?

Iord.

Aye, Sir, the baggage just as she was to have been the she great Turk, is run away.

Trick.

She is but at the next house, I saw her led in by a a man muffl'd in a Cloak.

Y. Iord.

I'l follow, and prevent the dishonour of our Family.

Exit Young Jorden.
Iord.

Bring the baggage home.

Cur.

A fortunate discovery.

Iord.

Pray tell his greatness, that this Gentleman is my spe­cial friend, and a person of much worth, and one that is ambi­tious of his smiles. Now you shall hear how he'l answer you.

Trick.

Alabala crociam, aceiboram alabamen.

Clev.

Cutalequi tubal ourin soter amalouchen.

Iord.

Loe you there.

Trick.

He says, may the rain of prosperity always be­sprinkle the Garden of your Family.

Iord.

There's for you.

Enter Young Jorden, Lucia, Jaques.
Cur.

Fine, indeed.

Y. Iord.

Nay, I must deliver you into the hands of my Fa­ther: There, Sir, and now I'l send the Thief after her to you. Come Iaques.

Exeunt Young Jorden and Jacques.
Iord.

Ah graceless Girl!

Cur.

Why, Madam, do you so ill requite a Father that is so provident for your good, and seeks to dispose of you with so much advantage: see what a glorious husband here stands ready for you.

Luc.

I pursued but mine own inclinations, he once approv'd of Sir Simon for his Son-in-Law.

Iord.

Ha! was he the man? he's a pockey beggerly Knight. Come give me your hand, I will dispose of you to more advantage, the grand Seignior does me the honour to demand you in marriage. Come, come near: immortal glory crown your nuptials.

Luc.
[Page 101]

Ah, Sir.

Iord.

Go too, give him your hand:

Luc.

Marry a Turk?

Iord.

Yes, the great Turk.

Luc.

Not I.

Iord.

I'l see it done.

Luc.

No, Sir, you have no power to force me to take any man but Sir Simon for my Husband.

Iord.

Do't, or the breath of a Mamamouchi shall blast thee; do't, or may never the Rain of prosperity besprinkle thy Grass-plat.

Cur.

Be obedient to your Father.

Luc.

In any thing but this.

Iord.

In this, or I'l send you beyond Sea to a Nunnery.

Cur.

Use no violence.

Luc.

Rather let me dye than prove false to Sir Simon.

Iord.

Take her hence, and let her be lock'd up all night in the Cellar, I'l pack her beyond Sea tomorrow.

Luc.

Ah, Sir, I'l do any thing rather than go to a Nunnery, that were to be buryed alive.

Iord.

So then, down on your marrow-bones, ask him for­giveness for running away. Sir, I beseech you to tell him.

To Trickmore.
Trick.

Not that she fled away from his love: I'l tell him▪ she prostrates her self before him to know if he thinks her worthy to be his Sultana.

Iord.

Pray do.

Trick.

Bolac allim oustin malaf afti.

Clev.

Boloma tafti.

Trick.

She shall be the Glove to his right hand.

Iord.

Ah, ha.

Clev.

Elcan allhoim.

Trick.

The Rose-bud in his Nose-gay.

Iord.

Ha, ha.

Clev.

Malta haraban.

Trick.

The plum in his broth.

Cur.

Pretty.

Clev.

Croustan meli.

Trick.

The crust to his bread: (which the Turks love wonderfully.)

Clev.

Tart of anachi.

Trick.

A Jewel to wear at his heart.

Cur.

Brave!

Iord.

I, is it not?

Clev.

Straca tafti.

Trick.

The Joy of his soul.

Clev.

Hulalli, hulalli.

2 Derv.

Hulalli, hulalli, hulalli.

Cleverwit throws his handkercheif in Lucia's bosome.
Trick.

His bed-fellow, his bed-fellow, his bed-fellow. [Page 102] Madam; you must veil your face with that handkerchief, and suffer your self to be led by these Dervises to the Mufti who are prepar'd for the Ceremonies of the Marriage.

Iord.

Is it not a pretty Language?

Cur.

Full of very obliging Phrases.

The two Dervises lead out Lucia veiled with the handkercheif.
Enter, Sir Simon guarded, Jacques, Boy with the Cabinet.
Iaq.

All [...]nz Teif, come along and be hang'd.

Sir Sim.

What a Devil do ye haul me, as if I had stole the mony.

Iord.

Stole it? pray how came your worship by it else?

Sir Sim.

I came honourably by it▪

Iord.

And you shall as honourably be hang'd for it.

Sir Sim.

Be hang'd for receiving money?

Iord.

The Receiver is as bad as the Thief. Bear witness that will hang him.

Sir Sim.

I receiv'd it as my wifes portion.

Cur.

A cunning piece of policy, rob you of Gold and Jewels, run away with your Daughter, and being taken, say he receiv'd it as her Portion.

Iord.

That excuse will not do, he stole both it, and my Daughter too.

Sir Sim.

Daughter! what daughter did I steal?

Iord.

Nay, she's not far off.

Sir Sim.

Aye, let me hear her say it.

Iord.

It's no matter whether she says it or no, she was found in the house where you was.

Sir Sim.

What's that to me, she might follow me for ought I know.

Iord.

That's a cunning excuse, follow you?

Sir Sim.

She's not so modest a woman, but that she might—Ask him there else.

Pointing to Trickmore.
Iord.

My Daughter not modest?

Trick.

As any woman in Town for any thing that I can say.

Sir Sim.
aside

He'l not be known he told me. Well, if he won't say it, I know others that will; and if all be true is said, I am not the first man she has followed.

Cur.
[Page 103]

'Tis ungenerous, Sir Simon, now you cannot have the Lady to defame her.

Iord.

That is malice: if she followed you, did that Cabinet with the gold and Jewels follow you too?

Sir Sim.

But she that had 'em did.

Iord.

Cunning knave, he thinks to escape by laying the Theft on my Daughter still.

Sir Sim.

What do you tell me of your Daughter still? ask that man if it did not follow me, now you go to that.

Trick.

Ask me?

Sir Sim.

Did not a Lady come running after us?

Trick.

After who?

Sir Sim.

You and I.

Trick.

When?

Sir Sim.

A little while ago.

Trick.

Where?

Sir Sim.

In the street.

Trick.

Not as I know.

Sir Sim.

Why? was not you and I together when a Lady came and beg'd our protection?

Trick.

You amaze me! what Lady was it?

Sir Sim.

She that told us the story of her Uncle that would have sold her, and how she escap'd.

Trick.

What means he?

Iord.

Loe you there.

Trick.

I ne'er saw you in my life till just now.

Sir Sim.

Hye-day, hye-day.

Trick.

Sure he is dreaming of Romances.

Iord.

Or else he is mad.

Cur.

He is indeed much troubled with melancholy fan­cies, and melancholy is a sort of madness, that will be his best plea before a Judge.

Sir Sim.

I thank you Mr. Quack, you'l be sure to speak for your Patient, you play'd fine Pranks with me to day.

Iord.

Come, Sir Knight, speak to the purpose: what is this to the Gentlewoman that followed you with the Cabinet?

Sir Sim.

And what is the Gentlewoman to you?

Iord.

Yes, she is something to me.

Sir Sim.

What? because you bought her of her Uncle for half her portion?

Iord.

What means he now?

Sir Sim.

And this night he was to force her to marry you?

Iord.

He grows mad, stark mad.

Sir Sim.
[Page 104]

You will be so [...]on, when you know she is the Lady I have marryed, and that it was she gave me this Cabinet.

Trick.

Can you guess what he would be at?

Iord.

Not in the least, I know nothing of any Marriage, Uncle, or any thing like it.

Cur.

Pray where is this Lady wife you talk of?

Sir Sim.

She was too cunning for you, she slipt out at the back door, but if you find her, you'l be ne'er the better, I assure you, ha, ha, he. We are marryed, she is my wife now, and so pray set your hearts at rest.

Iord.

This is all but fiction; but we have proof enough to hang him.

Enter Betty Trickmore.
Sir Sim.

Here she comes that will clear all.

Iord.

My dear Princess!

Cur.

See she's displeas'd with you.

Iord.

There is much of Majesty in her frowns▪

B. Trick.

Ungrateful man, false and unconstant!

Iord.

Ah Soveraign Lady of my soul!

B. Trick.

Unworthy me, and my love.

Iord.

On his knees, behold your Mamamouchi falls.

B. Trick.

My dear Knight, my dear Sir Simon, have I found you?

Iord.

Hau.

Sir Sim.

My bosom shall be your sanctuary, and my arms magick Circles to keep thee here for ever; love shall be the sweet enchantment of our souls.

Iord.

My Princess is grown very loving, sure she mistakes her man.

Sir Sim.

My dear bride, my dear wife, I've been at such a loss for want of thy presence.

Iord.

How is that? his Wife!

Trick.

It may be this is the Lady he has marryed.

Iord.

That is my Princess: away with him, if he has mar­ryed her I'l hang him, because it is the speediest and surest Divorce can be had.

B. Trick.

No, malicious man: this Cabinet is mine. I took [Page 105] it out of your custody, as unworthy to keep any thing that belong'd to a Princess: The Key your servant gave me when you cast your skin.

Sir Sim.

A Princess!

Trick.

You see your fortune.

Exit Trickmore:
Iord.

Am I then depriv'd of my love, a Princess, and re­venge at once? Here comes Marina, I'l be content with my leavings, and marry her presently.

Enter Young Jorden and Marina.

You come opportunely, Mrs. Marina, for in spight of that Princess there, I will make thee a Mamamoucha.

Mar.

What is that, Sir?

Iord.

Thou shalt be my Wife.

Mar.

I am your Daughter, Sir.

Y. Iord.

I thought my self concerned to repair the injuries you had done her. I wanted nothing before to gain her fathers consent, but an estate, and your bounty supplyed me with that.

Iord.

Depriv'd of Marina too!

Y. Iord.

Our business now was to ask you blessing.

Iord.

A blessing without an estate is but a name, and you had that beforehand: Well, my comfort is I am a Mama­mouchi.

Enter Cleverwit, Trickmore, Lucia, Attendants.
Trick.

Sir, the Marriage is concluded, the Sultan is your Son-in-Law.

Iord.

They were very eager, marryed before I come.

Trick.

They come now to ask your blessing, which the Turks do by bowing.

Iord.

Princess, pine at my glory: behold me Father to the Grand Seignior, and the Worlds greatest Emperour bows to me. Love and conquest crown your lives.

Clev.

Your Son-in-Law but no Sultan, thanks you.

Cleverwit bowing low lets fall his Turbant, and beard; then stands up and is discovered.
Iord.

How! Mr. Cleverwit?

Clev.

The same, Sir, I am no Turk great or little.

Iord.

Am I no Mamamouchi then?

Sir Sim. and B. Trick.

Ha, ha, he.

Iord.
[Page 106]

Friend, Mr. Doctor, what shall I say? must I be con­tent with a pittiful Knighthood at last?

Y. Iord.

You'l find your self defeated there too: for, him you take for a favourite at Court, and a Doctor, is neither fa­vourite nor Doctor; but one instructed and imployed by me to work upon your Capricio of setting up for a Gentleman, thereby to supply my own necessities, and by the event to bring you to see the vanity of your extravagancie.

Clev.

This is certain truth, Sir.

Iord.

No Doctor?

Cur.

No, Sir.

Iord.

Avoid Satan, thou art then the Devil.

Y. Iord.

No, Sir, he is onward in his way, he is a Mounte­banck, and may in time take his degree, as most of them do.

Cur.

I have an excellent cure for your corns, powders for the teeth, oyntments for the itch, plaisters for byles, and so forth.

Sir Sim.

Save you Mr. Doctor: save you Illustrious Ma­mamouchi, ha, ha, he.

Iord.

Well, I am vexed at nothing so much, as his getting my Princess; and could I be reveng'd of him for that, and his insolent insulting—

Trick.

Well, Sir, now come I in with my discovery; and to gain your pardon for taking on me to be a Fencer to prevent your going to Sir Simon: and also my pretending to be a Norwich Merchant to forestal Sir Simons address to Mrs. Lucia, I will change the Scene of Sir Simons mirth, and let him know, that his Princess will not disdain to call me bro­ther, and is by occupation a Sempstress.

Sir Sim.

Another turn yet?

Iord.

I give you joy, Sir, ha, ha, ha, joy of your Princess, ha, ha, ha; hula baba la chou.

Sings and dances.
Sir Sim.

Where is the Cabinet, the gold and Jewels?

B. Trick.

Lass, Sir, they are none of mine.

Clev.

The Jewels, and part of the gold I seize on as mine.

Y. Iord.

And the rest is mine, only lent to carry on the de­sign of her personating a Princess.

Sir Sim.

No portion then?

B. Trick.

My Dowry is my brain.

Trick.
[Page 107]

Wit without mony has long been the inheritance of our Family, and yours, Sir Simon, is a Family that has money without wit; 'tis a proper Marriage for you, and both our houses will be much the better for it hereafter.

Iord.

Lord! Sir Simon, what luck had you to get my Princess from me, ha, ha, he, you'l have God knows what with her, ha, ha, he; you'l ne'er be able to count her porti­on, ha, ha, he.

Sir Sim.

This Town produces nothing but wonders.

B. Trick.

And one was, that I should be fond of you, Sir Simon.

Y. Iord.

Bear it with fortitude, Sir Simon, such misfortunes sometimes befall Knights errants.

Clev.

I ride the hind horse, I marryed but your Ladies Damsel; this is the hand-maid that carryed the luggage.

Sir Sim.

I am sorry for nothing so much as the loss of that, for it spoils half the conceit of a good subject for a Romance.

Y. Iord.

But the turn of it makes it fitter for a Comedy in these days, and that is much better, for the Knight and the Damsel still shake hands at the end of the intrigue.

Iord.

Save you, Sir Knight errant, much joy to you and the Lady of your adventures, ha, ha, he.

Sir Sim.

Laugh on, Sir, 'tis your turn now. Well, Lady Wife, and Brother-in-Law I embrace you both: I'l down to morrow into Suffolk where you shall be welcome: there peo­ple have either more honesty, or less wit: we have no cheat­ing there, but with Lords and Jockies at Horse-races, and La­dies at Cards.

Iord.

And you, Sir Simon, have got one will match the best, if she holds on as she begins, ha, ha, he; Sir, I doubt not but she'l improve upon your hand, ha, ha, he.

Y. Iord.

I am glad, Sir, you lay things no more to heart, if you please to make up the mony, Mr. Cleverwit has of mine in the Cabinet, a convenient Portion for my Sister, I'l re­store to you one half of your estate.

Iord.

Well tho' now I affect not much to play the Gentle­man, yet in this last act to cross Fortune, I will shew my self a Gentleman: Mr. Cleverwit I'l do it.

Clev.
[Page 108]

I thank you Sir:

To reclaim some men from their extravaganees,
We must appear indulgent to their humours,
And push them forward to undertakings
Yet more indiscreet, that rais'd high in hopes
They may from the unexpected events
Be convinc'd of their follies.
For fools are obstinate to good advice;
Experience, and not percept makes them wise.
FINIS.

Prologue spoak at the Midle-Temple.

OUr Author thinks 'tis not in vain to sue
For pardon here, for he is one of you;
And hopes he has some little int'rest here;
But yet his hope is not quite void of fear:
For by the grave it may objected be,
Who can at once mind Law and Poetrie?
But this he bid me say in his excuse,
A fortnights sickness did this Play produce▪
His sickness was the Bawd unto his Muse.
If after that he spent some idle time
In courting her, he hopes 'twas no great crime.
Fortune has punish'd him; for like a Whore
She lays the Brat e'en at his Chamber door;
The common'st Wench i'th' town could do no more.
The Father ow [...]s the child, which none of you
His fellow Students ever yet would do.
Tho' in hand-baskets the poor fools did ly,
And at your stare-case feet for succour cry:
For them—
He does his yearly contribution pay;
Therefore be kind to his but this one day:
For its relief you need not draw your purse,
Give it goodwords, and this shall back to Nurse.
FINIS.

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