Merry nevves from Epsom-Wells being a witty and notable relation, of a lawyers lying with a London goldsmiths wife, at Epsom, whilest the kind cuckold went for water: and the manner of the beating up of their quarters one morning early, by the lawyers wife, as they embracing each other in bed together. With the goldsmith's loving speech in vindication of his wife, to hundreds of people, there present; who conducted them out of the town with great shouts and ecchoes; and wo[r]thy of observation by the noble citizens. 1663 Approx. 8 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 6 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2011-04 (EEBO-TCP Phase 2). A50722 Wing M1872 ESTC R217819 99829462 99829462 33902

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 Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 2, no. A50722) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 33902) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 1919:22) Merry nevves from Epsom-Wells being a witty and notable relation, of a lawyers lying with a London goldsmiths wife, at Epsom, whilest the kind cuckold went for water: and the manner of the beating up of their quarters one morning early, by the lawyers wife, as they embracing each other in bed together. With the goldsmith's loving speech in vindication of his wife, to hundreds of people, there present; who conducted them out of the town with great shouts and ecchoes; and wo[r]thy of observation by the noble citizens. 8 p. printed for G. Kendal, and are to be sold near the Old-Bayley, London : 1663. The "r" in "worthy" failed to print. In verse. Reproduction of the original in the British Library.

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 eng Domestic relations -- Early works to 1800. Husband and wife -- Early works to 1800. 2020-09-21 Content of 'availability' element changed when EEBO Phase 2 texts came into the public domain 2009-08 Assigned for keying and markup 2009-09 Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2009-12 Sampled and proofread 2009-12 Text and markup reviewed and edited 2010-04 Batch review (QC) and XML conversion

MERRY NEVVES FROM Epſom-Wells: Being a witty and notable Relation, of a Lawyers lying with a London Goldſmiths Wife, at Epſom, whileſt the kind Cuckold went for Water: And the manner of the beating up of their Quarters one morning early, by the Lawyers Wife, as they lay embracing each other in Bed together.

With the Goldſmith's loving ſpeech in Vindication of his Wife, to hundreds of People, there preſent; who conducted them out of the Town with great Shouts and Ecchoes; and wo • thy of obſervation by the noble Citizens.

London, Printed for G. Kendal, and are to be ſold near the Old-Bayley, 1663.

〈1 page duplicate〉
MERRY NEWES FROM Epſom-VVells.

CATO the Cenſor ſaid in his time, That if the World were without Women, the Converſation of men would not be exempt from the company of Gods.

And a Doctor of the Jewes yielding a reaſon why the Eternal Word has ſo long time deferred its Incarnation, ſaid nothing elſe, but that the World was then repleniſhed with bad Women, and that four thouſand years were not able to furniſh out one good one, to ſerve as an Inſtrument ſuitable to the greatneſs of this Myſtery.

Another having lived free from the Bands of Marriage, cauſed to be ſet on his Tomb; Vixit ſine impedimento: He lived without hinderance: Which was a phraſe very obſcure, to expreſs what he would ſay: Notwithſtanding it was found this hinderance, whereof he ſpake, was a Woman. This may well happen through the vice and miſery wherein the ſtate of this preſent life hath confined us: But to ſpeak generally, we muſt affirm, had it been the beſt way to frame the World without a Woman, God had done it, never expecting the Advice of theſe brave Cato's; and whoſoever endeavoureth to condemn Marriage, though ſometimes it proves contrary to expectation, ſheweth, that he is either out of his Wits, or a publick enemy to Mankind; for true it is, that the laudable converſation of Women, renders it ſelf ſo neceſſary for Chriſtianity, that it proves a ſingular means to Man's felicity and happineſs: Whereas, on the contrary, ſomthing may ariſe, to eclipſe that mutual love, for a time; which cannot be imputed to Marriage, but a depraved Nature: Therefore, whoſoever ſhall read theſe following Verſes, let him take them cautionary, for it is a catching Diſeaſe; but happy is he, who feels not the operation.

THe kiſſing Play will ne're decay, though Ladies look ſo ſtately: I'le tell you a witty wanton Toy, that hapned very lately. It is a Jeſt, worth all the reſt, which ever ſhall come after: 'Tis new and true, and fit for you, that do drink Epſom water. A Citizen and his gallant Wife, that was both gay and pretty; And could do all things to the life, ſhe was ſo rare and pretty: When ſhe was kind, he could be blind, and mind another matter: Whil'ſt ſhe was kiſt, he could be whiſt, and run for Epſom water. A Lawyer that, knew what was what, did lodge next Chamber to her; Who by her Face, did find her Caſe, and turn'd an amorous Wooer: He found out what, ſhe would be at ſo gentle was her Nature: The Husbands Wit, was very fit to wait, and fetch them water. They kiſs and play, the time away, with toſſing and with tumbling: But now they intend, to come to th'end, and ſtand no longer ſumbling. The poor Cits brains, ran all on gains, who to promote the matter, One morning early, freſh and fairly did run out for Water. But out alas, the Citizen was rewarded for his labour: The Lawyer went, by free conſent to viſitt his next Neighbour. He ſtood not long on Complement, but aym'd his Arrow at her: Thus many a Cuckold hath been made by drinking Epſom water. There they did lye, and multiply their Kiſſes without number The pleaſure that, they had been at put both into a ſlumber. A Lady which from London came, attended by her Daughter, Went to this houſe (that I'le not name) to drink of Epſom water. The Doors were open, and below there were no perſons moving; She comes up to theſe Lovers, who were faſt aſleep with loving: She peeps and ſtares, and ſtamps and ſwears, and is as mad as may be; The Lawyer wakes, tremblus and quakes to ſee his own ſweet-Lady. The Lawyers Wife, with furious hands the Chamber door doth make faſt, It griev'd her ſore, to ſee a Whore had got away her Breakfaſt She opes the Caſement, and ſhe calls all People to this ſlaughter, How moſt unluckily it falls his Wife ſhould watch his Water. She ope's the door, to ſhew the whore and through the Town runs mading, She told them all, both great and ſmall, of her Husbands dancing Fadding. Thus was the Lawyer out-law'd by his wary Wife and Daughter, The Wittall whilſt this tumult's high comes ſneaking in with water. Five hundred people here were met (though early in the morning) There could have been no lowder fret had all the Town been burning. The Cuckold makes a ſpeech between (with laughing moſt pedantick) And ſaid the Lawyers Wife had been ſome four or five years frantick. My Wife, quoth he, I long have had and found her alwayes honeſt, Though ſome there are think Women bad whoſe carriage is the bonnieſt, But all the rout, did laugh and ſhout his language could not fit all: Though ſtill he cry'd, yet they reply'd, a Cuckold, and a Wittall. To ſave his life, he takes his Wife, and out of Town he trudges: The Lawyers fact, is cenſur'd by almoſt a thouſand Judges. They flout and fleer, they jeſt and ieas, the Town is full of laughter, But many of them that were there, had padled in ſuch water. The Lawyers Wife did rant and tear, enough to make the Sky burn: It was no time to tarry there he had better been at Tyburn. Away he goes, fill'd full of woes, to think what will come after, He that loves his life, let him keep his wife from drinking Epſom Water, FINIS.