CUff, where art thou?

Here at hand.

Where is this Cuff?

Almost at your Elbow.

OH Band▪ art thou there? I thought thou had­dest been worn out of date by this time, or shrunk in the wetting at least.

What? Do you think I am afraid of your great words? no, you shall know that there be men of fashion in place, as well as your self.

Good Band, do not fret so.

A scurvie shag-rag Gentleman, new come out of the North, a Puny, a Freshman, come up hither to learn Fashions, and seek to expell me?

Nay: if you be so broad with him, Band, we shall have a fray presently.

Sir, Ile pull down your Collar from you. He justles B. and C. staies him.

It was fit time for me to stay you up, for I am sure you were a falling Band.

Well, Band, for all you are so stiff, Ile make you limber enough before I have done with you.

No, Hodg Peak, its more then you can do.

Sfoot, let me come to him: well, Band, let me catch you in another place, and I will make cut-work of you.

Ther's ne're a Spanish Ruff of you all can do it.

Sfoot, if these two should go together by the ears and hurt one another, Ruff would be in a fine plight: would he not?

Well, Band, look to thy self, for if I meet thee, I will lace thee roundly.

Lace me? thou wouldst be laced thy self, Ruff, for this is the very truth, thou art a plain Knave.

If they talk of lacing, I were best look about my self.

Darest thou meet me in the field?

In the field? wh? thou art but an ef­feminate fellow, Ruff; for all thou art so wel set: but at what weapon?

Nay, I will give thee that advantage, bring thou what weapons thou wilt, I scorn to make any thing of thee, Band, but needle work.

Sfoot, thou shalt know, a Gentleman and a Souldier scorns thy proffer.

A Souldier?

Did you not hear of the great Bands went over of late?

Where did you serve? in the Low Countries?

It may be so; for I am sure he is a Hol­land Band.

Where I have served, it is no matter, but I am sure I have been pressed oft.

Truely, his Landress will bear him witness thereof.

Press me no pressings, Ile make you know that Ruff is steeled to the back, if I had my stick here, you should feel it.

Nay bragger, it is not your great words can carry it away so; give Band but a hemme, and he will be for you at any time, name the place, the time and hour of our meeting.

The place, the Paper mills, where I will tear thee into rags, before I have done with thee: the time, to morrow in the after-noon about one: but do you hear? We will fight single, you shall not be double, Band.

Now I perceive, the Spaniard and the Hollander will to it roundly.

But do you hear? Once more do not say at our next meeting you forgot the time.

No, I dare warrant you, there is no man more careful of the time then he: for I am sure he hath alwaies at the least a dozen Clocks about him.

Farewel then.

Then farewel.

Nay you shall not part so, you will go into the fields, and know not what fighting means: a couple of white livered fellows, your Landress will make you both a white as a clout if she list; If you lack beating, shee'l beat you Ile warrant you, shee'l so clap your sides toge­ther, that they shall be beaten out in once or [Page] twice handling; why, I have known her leave her mark behind her a whole week after, sheel quickly beat you Black and Blew, for I am sure shee'l scarce wash white before she starch.

Well, remember the time and place, Ruff.

Well, remember your selves and Mi­steris Stichwel, one to whom you have been both beholding in your days.

Who? Mistris Stichwel, by this light I know her not.

No, nor you neither.

Nor I, I swear by all the Gum and Blew starch in Christendom.

I thought so, why its the Semster, one that both you had been undone had it not been for her, but what talk you of undoing? I say Misteris Stichwel the Semster was the very maker of you both, yet thus little do you re­gard her, but it is the common custome of you all, when you come to be so great as you are; you forget from what house you come.

Sfoot Ruff careth not a pin for her.

Nor Band a button.

Well Band and Ruff, you were best both of you to take heed of her, you know she set you both in the Stocks once before, and if she catch you again, is is a hundred to [Page] one, if she hang you not both up, for she hath got strings already,

Meet me, if thou darest?

The place the Paper-mils, the hour to morrow at one.

Since you will go, go; but hear me, if you go, look at me well; as little a fellow as I am, I will come and Cuff you both out of the fields; if I do not, say, Cuff is no man of his hands.

Alas poor shrimp, thou art nothing in my hands.

If you go, yon shall never say that Cuff came of a sleeveless errand, Ile bind your hand (I warrant you) for striking.

Say and hold.

Remember the Paper-mils.

And you be so chollerick, Ile even pin you both in, as soon as I come home: can you not decide the quarrel between your selves without a field? I had thought you had been a little more mild, Ruff. You were a horrible Puritane the other day, a very precise Ruff.

Hang him, base Rascal: would he not make any man mad, to see such a—I durst not scarce peep out before Coller came to Town, now to swagger thus.

Come, you shall be friends, Band.

Friends with him? such a base Rascal? he is a very thread-bare fellow, I scorn, but my man Coller should go as well as he every day in the week, and be friends with him.

Thy man Coller? Thy Master, thou wouldst have said, I am sure he is thy up-hol­der.

Nay, surely he is his Master, at least his Master: for Bands, make rags; rags make Paper; paper makes Past-board; and Past-board makes Collar; and I think that this is a stiff argument that he is his Master.

Wel, be he what he will, if I catch his Collar, Ile cut him in jags, let me but clasp him, and Ile make him for stirring.

But you shall not fight: have you not Friends & Neighbors enough to end this con­troversie, but you must go into the fields, and there cut the thread of your lives? wee'l have none of that, come chuse you an Umpire, Band, for it shall be so.

Since you will force me to it, if Ruff be content, I am willing.

Ruff, you shall be content.

If I shall then, I must, let him name him.

If I may choose, Ile have Master Hand­kerchiefe.

Nay, stay there, he is a most filthy Sni­veling [Page] fellow, and he will wipe your Nose of al, if you put the case to him, but what say you to Shir?

He is a shifting knave, and one, to whom Band, a little before hath been much beholding, they were joyned along time togither in friend­ship.

Why, then go to Master Cap, the head­man of the town.

No, I deny that, he is a very bad Justice you may have him wrought on any side for mony.

Ile tell you what, then we will go to my Lord Corpus himself.

He is not in Town.

He is, for I saw Sock, his chief Foot­man in Town.

Here's a-do with you, and may Lord Corpus, indeed I would you were both hanged about his neck for me, but I see, this strife will never be ended, till I be Arbitrator my self, you know, I am equally allied to you both: shall I be Moderator between you?

Content.

Well then, Ruff shall be most accoun­ted of amongst the Clergy, for he is the grave Fellow (although I know, the Puritans will not greatly care for him, he hath such a deal of set­ting, and they love standing very well.) As for [Page] you, Band, you shall be most made of amongst the young Gallants, although sometimes they shall use Ruff, for a fashion, but not otherwise; however, you need not regard the giddy hea­ded multitude, let them do as they list, some­times respecting one, sometimes the other: but when you come to the Counsailor, and men of Law, which know right from wrong, acknow­ledging Master Worths to be equal, they shall preferre neither, but use the kindness of you both, wearing both a Band and a Ruff; how say you, are you both content?

We are.

Then go before me to the next town, and Ile follow after with a Band of your friend­ship drawn, which I hope, these Gentlemen will seal with their hands.