A LAW AGAINST CUCKOLDOM: OR, THE TRYAL OF ADULTERY.

LONDON: Printed in the Year 1700.

THE PREFACE.

CVCKOLDOM, that bugbear Misfortune, (in former Days, as terrible to a Courtier as his Prince's Frowns, and more dreadful to an old Citizen than Popery and Slavery) is now advanc'd to such Dignity, that it's crept into great Mens Families; and often be­comes the serious Consideration of our grave Senate: and is so far from being thought Scandalous in this Age, that it's grown the most useful Liberty ima­ginable in a Married State, and serves, upon Occasion, to dissolve that Gordion-Knot, which the Priest so craftily tyes, to the Misfortune of many Thousands, who have unwarily fallen under the fatal Conjunction.

Were it not in a Womans power to recompence the Slavery of her servile Station, and revenge the Affronts, and cool Neglects, she is under a conju­gal Necessity of enduring from her Husband, what charming Innocence, at Eighteen, would for the sake of Coach and Horses, or a plentiful Table, suf­fer an old wither'd Hand to crop the Flower of her Virginity, and waste her Youth and Beauty in the fruitless Embraces, and under the peevish Checks and Snubs of old Age, Iealousy, and Impotence? What can such a Compound of Infirmities, made an Eunach in his Age by the Debaucheries of his Youth, expect from a Wife, possess'd of all the Charms and Perfections that can be lodg'd by Nature in blooming Iuvenility? Which none but the powerful Nerves of a strenuous Lover is truly capable of enjoying.

Would Parents in the Disposal of their Children, but match 'em with as much care as they do their Dogs or Horses, it would, in a great measure, mu­tually preserve the State of Matrimony from any Adult'rous Invasion; For what true Northern Breeder will endure an old surfeited Iade, Spavin'd, Founder'd, and Wind-gaul'd, to Leap his Hunting Favourite? Or suffer his fine shap'd Greyhound to Bastardise her Breed with an old mangy Mungril? Yet perhaps his handsome Daughter must be thrown away upon some old mi­serly Curmudgeon, who only Marrys to palliate his Gouty Pains, and cherish his feeble Carcass in the Winter of his Age, by her warm enlivening Touches, and counterfeit Embraces.

It is certainly an unnatural Imposition upon the fair Sex, to be thus dispo­sed on; and though their worldly Interest, Obedience to Parents, or Importu­nities of Relations, may prevail upon 'em to put Nature in Masquerade, and seem to be well-pleased with their wrinkl'd Fumbler; yet, I do not question, but the poor young Bride, who labours under these Hardships, will soon find a way to communicate her Distress to some faithful Confident, who may, without any great Injury to his Conscience, at once gratify both the reasonable Desires of Youth, and justly reward the Folly and Lasciviousness of Age who desires to ingross that Blessing, to which (says the Law of Nature) no Priest can give [Page] him an equitable Title; for if the Disproportion be so great as between Fifty and Fifteen, the Church may tye their Hands, 'tis true, but their Hearts are incapable of Vnion. I heartily pity that young Lady, who, either for want of Discretion in her Parents, or her self, has unhappily cast her Pearl before a Swine, who, knowing not how to use it, gives her just Provocation to dispose of the precious Iewel to him, who will convert it to tis natural Em­ployment; and to him that it's most Vseful, before it will be most Valuable.

As to the following Poem, I shall say nothing of it in the Preface; but on­ly hope, The Newness of the Subject, and the Pertinency of the Matter, will be sufficient to recommend it to an ingenious Reader: So having thought fit to give you this little Hint, I shall proceed to wind up the bottom of the Fron­tispiece, with a Concise Character of a Cernuted Fumbler.

A CUCKOLD

IS an Artificial Monster, patch'd up between Action and Forbearance, who by his own Impotence, and his Wife's Incontinence, is soon brought to Perfection: If he be Jealous, he is always in search of that which he fears to find; if he be not; his Horns are generally visible to every body, but himself; he usually lays the Egg of his own Misfor­tune, and his Wife hatches it; his Fondness makes her Slighting; his ill Usage, makes her Revengeful; his Imprudence, makes her Cun­ning; his giving Opportunity, makes her improve it; his Negligence, makes her Mistrustful; and his Insufficiency, makes her Insatiate. There is generally a Mist between his Eyes and his Wife's Failings; he is ei­ther foolishly Fond, and can't see; or else prudently Patient, and won't see; he is very forward to asperse another with the same Calumny, and will, by no means, believe himself under the like Predicament, tho' he knows it to be true. If he carrys not his Wife to every public Enter­tainment, he thinks he breaks an Article of Matrimony: Thus leads her himself into the Path of Liberty, and is afterward Angry that she takes it. He is commonly more in Love with the Cuckoldmaker, than his Wife, and dare trust his Friend any where with her, and 'tis he that Cuckolds him. He's a Man of Note among both Sexes, and talk'd on more in the Parish where he lives, than the Parson; if he be a Trader, and his Wife be pretty, he's sure to have a good Trade, for he has one Commodity that helps off with the rest. He is either a good-natur'd Fool, or an ill-natur'd Knave; for Extreams in Fondness, or severe Usage, are the two main Causes of CUCKOLDOM.

A LAW AGAINST CUCKOLDOM: OR, THE TRYAL OF ADULTERY.

TOO weak are Laws, and Edicts Vain,
The hearts of Women to Restrain;
For when with happy Search they find
The Man they like, They still are kind,
[Page 2] So strong, so daring is their Love,
It does ev'n fear of Death remove.
For proof of This, if others fail,
I now design to tell a Tale.
At Prato, once upon a Time,
Adultery was thought a Crime:
And every kind Consenting Wife
Was doom'd by Law to lose her life;
So partial was this horrid Act,
It Equally Condemn'd the fact,
Whether the Cause was pure desire
Or sordid Gain and sinfull Hire,
No sooner did this Edict pass,
But one Rinaldo found (alas)
His Wife Phillipia, Fam'd for Charms,
In Lusty Lazarino's Arms:
And with Revenge and Fury fill'd,
Twas Ten to One he both had kill'd;
But eager passion he restrain'd,
The bold Adulteress arraign'd,
And to the Podestate Complain'd.
[Page 3] The Iudge for Tryal Nam'd the day,
And gave her time to slip away:
But she resolv'd to stand it out,
In vain her Kindred went about,
By dire Descriptions of the Law,
To fright and force her to withdraw.
She minded not a Word she heard,
One would have sworn, by what appear'd,
She thought her Fate would glorious prove,
To suffer Martyrdom for Love.
When solemn day of Tryal came,
In Court appear'd the Guilty Dame;
But lookt as Chearful, Brisk and Gay,
As those that Ogle at a Play:
The Iudge was in a horrid Fright,
(Toucht to the quick by Charms so bright)
Lest she the Matter shou'd Confess,
Her Case would then be past Redress.
You must be Burnt, Madam, he said,
Your Spouse has Information made,
[Page 4] That you were lately caught by him,
Committing the forbidden Crime
Adultery, and doubtless you
Have heard for this what Death is Due:
Consider what you have to say,
And prudently your Answer weigh.
She said, I freely own the Fact,
He caught me in the very Act;
With Joy the pleasing Word I name;
For know, I Glory in my Flame:
And since my Passion did begin,
Have often try'd the tempting Sin.
For this you say I ought to Die;
But you know better, Sir, than I,
That Laws for Public Justice meant,
Should pass by General Consent;
And pray what VVomen did appear
To Vote for this? I ne'er could hear
Of one that lik'd it; and `tis hard
They should unjustly be debar'd
[Page 5] Their Native Right, by a Decree,
To which They never did agree:
On us alone, Restraint is lay'd;
Who are by bounteous Nature made
To give Content to more than One;
Which never yet by Man was done.
If Prejudice did not prevail,
Your solid Wisdom cou'd not fail
For me this matter to decide,
And to declare the Edict void.
But, Sir, if Death must be my doom,
Soon let the Welcome Minute come;
Secure, I wait the fatal Blow;
Yet first an easy Favour show:
Pray ask my Husband, there he stands,
If all his Conjugal Demands
Have not been answer'd still by me,
Wth an Exact Conformity.
Rinaldo said, I must Confess,
My Wife did still Comply in This;
[Page 6] Inclin'd my Wish't Desires to Grant,
And Fond to satisfy my Want.
Observe, Sir, That, Phillipia said,
Whate're he wanted still he had;
Then wherefore, pray, this mighty Pother,
If I, to Gratify another,
Imploy'd the useless Residue!
Pray, Husband, what was that to you?
I, like a Charitable Fair
Bestowing what I had to spare;
Believ'd it better to improve
My Growing Overplus of Love,
Than suffer Envious Marriage Bands
To keep it Dead upon my Hands.
Her speech so pleas'd the Listning Crowd,
They Clapt their Hands, and laught aloud.
Rinaldo durst no longer stay;
But hid his Face, and sneakt away:
[Page 7] And fair Phillipia, by her Art,
Sobrib'd the Court to take her part,
So to her side the Iudge did draw,
She sav'd her self, and Damn'd the Law.
FINIS.

Here is now Publish'd a Satyr against Marriage Price 6 d.

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