YOu have been infi­nitely advantaged by your Education in the University, which will have a perpetuall good effect up­on you, and give you Lust­re in the eyes of the world: But that you may be fur­ther usefull & acceptable to mankind, you must pare off something you have con­tracted there, and add also to your own stores from [Page 2] Observation and Experience, a way of learning as farr beyond that by precept, as the knowledge of a Tra­veller exceeds that which is gotten by the Mapp.

An Academick life is an Horizon between two worlds, for men enter upon it children, and as such they must judge and act, though with difference according to their own pregnancy, the ingenuity of their teachers, and the manner of their being taught, and when they pass from thence, they launch into a new world, [Page 3]their passions at high water, and full of themselves, as young men are wont to be, and such as are dipt in un­usuall learning, and if they goe on so, they are lost: Besides that, there is a huske and shell that growes up with the learning they ac­quired, which they must throw away, caused per­chance by the childishness of their State, or the For­malities of the place, or the ruggedness of retirement, the not considering of which hath made many a [Page 4]great Scholar unserviceable to the world.

To propound many Rules for the manage of your self were to referr you back to the booke a­gain, and there is even a native discretion that some are endowed with, which defends them from Grosse absurdities in Conversati­on, though there be none but may be helped by some admonitions.

I suppose you to under­stand the nature of habits and passions; I suppose you likewise what I know you [Page 5]to be, to be adviseable, ob­servant and of a sedate tem­per; Therefore you will be sufficiently instructed with a few Intimations: For he that reflects upon himself, and considers his passions, and accommo­dates himself to the world, cannot need many directi­ons. I suppose you also to be principl'd with Religi­on and Morality, which is to be valued before any learning, and is an ease and pleasure to the mind, and alwayes secures a firm Re­putation, let the world be [Page 6]never so wicked: No man ever gaines a Reverence for his vice, but vertue com­mands it, Vicious men in­deed have been popular, but never for being so, but for their vertues annexed, they administer their Im­ployments well and wisely, they are civill and oblige­ing, they are free and mag­nanimous, they are faithfull and couragious. It is al­wayes some brave thing that recommends them to the good opinion of the world.

The advices I here lay [Page 7]down are rather negative then positive; For though I cannot direct you where you are to saile throughout your whole course, yet I may safely shew you where you must not split your self. And the first Rock I disco­ver on which young Scho­lars shipwrack themselves is Vaunting of the persons and places concern'd in their Education. I there­fore advise you to be spare­ing in your Commendati­ons of your University, Colledge, Tutor, or the Doctor you most there ad­mire, [Page 8]for either all is taken for granted, or you onely betray your affection, and partiality, or you impose your Iudgement for a standard to others, you dis­cover what you think, not what they are, an earely kindness may make you as blind as an unjust preju­dice, and others will smile to see you confident of that which it may be they know they can confute. This holds in all kinds of Commendations, which should be modest and mo­derate, not unseasonable, [Page 9]not unsuitable, not hyperbo­licall, for an excess here, creates envy to the person extoll'd, and is a virtuall detraction from others you converse with, and your own understanding is mea­sured by it. Nay it is a pre­sumption in some to com­mend at all, for he that prai­ses another, would have him valued upon his own judge­ment.

Therefore it is a dispa­ragement to be commend­ed by a foole, except he concurs with the Vogue, or speakes from the mouth [Page 10]of another; you must in­deed when you speake of mens persons (which with­out provocation should never be) represent them candidly and fairly, and you are bound to give your friend his due Elogy, when his fame is concerned, or you are required to do it, or may do him a kind­ness in it. But remember that when you give a per­son a particular character it receives its estimate from your wisdome, be tempe­rate therefore as well as just.

[Page 11]When you come into Company, be not forward to show your Proficiency, nor impose your Academi­call discourses, nor glitter affectedly in terms of Art, which is a vanity incident to young men that have confidence and heat of tem­per. Nor on the other hand must you be morose or difficult to give an ac­count of your self to in­quisitive or Learned men; let your answers be direct and concise, It is both your Wisdome and your kindness to come to the point at first, [Page 12]onely in conferences or de­bates, speake not all you have to say at once in an Entire Harangue, but suffer your self to be broached by degrees and keep an Argu­ment for Reserve; What you say at first may perhaps give satisfaction, however you gaine Respite for Re­collection, and when all is out at last, you will be thought to have more in store.

And because the mouth is the fountaine of Our Weale or our Woe, and it is the greatest instance of [Page 13]prudence to rule that little member the Tongue, and he indeed is a perfect man that offends not in word, for all our follies and passions are lett out that way, there are many things to be observ­ed in the manageing of dis­course, I onely say in Gene­rall, that you must not speak with heat and vio­lence, nor with Reflection upon mens persons, nor with Vanity and self-praise: No man therefore should be his own Historian, that is talke of his own feats, his travells, his conferences [Page 14]with great men &c, nor boast of his descent and alliance, nor recount his Treasure, or the manage of his Estate, all which weares out the greatest patience, and without a provocation expresses an intollerable Vanity, and implyes a be­leiving that others are af­fected and concerned in these things as much as him­self. The like weakness is talking of ones Trade or profession to those that nei­ther mind it nor understand it. Indeed if the compa­ny be all of one peice then [Page 15]debateing any thing that Relates to all may be use­full, but it is impertinent in mix'd company to betray onely your skill or inclina­tion. In like manner he is not to be brook't, that o­ver a Glass of Wine will turn Statesman or Divine, perplex good fellowes with Intrigues of Government, cases of Conscience, or School controversies which are too serious, and too sa­cred, to be the Subjects of common talke? Let no mans Vice be your Theam, nor your Friends, because [Page 16]you love him, not your Enemies, because he is so, and in you it will be ex­pounded partiality and re­venge, not of any other, because you are certainly unconcerned in him, and may possibly be mistaken of him: Let not the Lap­ses or ridiculous accidents or behaviours of men that are in drink or in love be taken notice of after, or upbraided to them in jeast or earnest, for no man loves to have his folly remem­bred, nor to have the con­sequences of Wine or pas­sion [Page 17]imputed to him, and he cannot but like you worse, if he finds they have left an Impression up­on you. Every mans fault should be every mans secret, as he sinns doubly that pub­lishes his own shame, for he adds scandall to the sin, so does every man increase the scandall that is the pro­pagator of it.

When you carve out discourse for others let your choice be rather of things then of persons, of Historicall matters rather then the present age, of [Page 18]things distant and remote, rather then at home, and of your Neighbours, and do not after all these Restrict­ions fear want of discourse, for there is nothing in the world but you may speake of it Vsefully or pleasantly, every thing (sayes Herbert) is big with jeast and has wit in it if you can find it out.

As for Behaviour, that is certainly best, which best expresses the sincerity of your Heart, I think this rule failes not, that that kind of Conversation that lets men into your Soule, to see [Page 19]the goodness of your Na­ture, and the Integrity of your mind is most accepta­ble, for be assured, every man loves another for his honesty, to this every knave pretends, and with the show of this he deceives, Nay the sensuall love of bad men is founded upon this; Nothing loves a Body but for a Soule, nor a Soule, but for such a disposition, as answers to that Idea of goodness which is in the mind.

This is that, that recon­ciles you to some meens at [Page 20]the first congress, for usual­ly you read mens Souls in their faces if they be young and uncorrupted, and you for ever decline some countenances which seem to declare that some Vice or Passion has the mastery, and though some times you are deceived, yet you persit in your pre­possession till the behaviour doth signally confute, what the countenance did threa­ten.

This makes a starcht for­mall behaviour odious, be­cause it is forced and unna­turall, [Page 21]and assum'd as a dis­guise, and suffers not the Soule to shine clearly and freely through the out­ward actions.

First then your actions must discover you to be your own Master, for he is a miserable slave that is un­der the tyranny of his pas­sions: And that fountain teeming pair Lust and Rage must especially be subdued.

That of love (to give it the milder name) so farr as it is vicious, I take to be seated principally in the Fancy, and there you must [Page 22]apply your Cure, for I as­cribe its vehemence not so much to the constitution, as the pampering of the bo­dy, and mens letting loose their Eyes and Tongues and Imaginations upon amorous Incentives, and not keep­ing a sence and awe of Re­ligion upon them. For if you live in an age and place where shame and eivill pe­nalties have no force, you must have recourse to Re­ligious means and the Grace of God for restraint: Lust is more distinctly forbidden by our Christianity then [Page 23]any other thing; There­fore it ought more Sacredly to be avoyded.

If you grow troublesome to your self, In Gods name make use of that Honoura­ble Remedy he has provid­ed, and in the Interim, if you can allay your fancy, and keep your Inclinations undetermined, I think a pro­miscuous conversation is the safest: for many that have lived in the shade and retirement, when they came abroad were ruined by doting on the first thing [Page 24]they met with, and this is oft the effect of distance and caution.

The other Spring of mischief is anger, which usually flames out from an untamed pride, and want of manners, and many other untollerable infirmities, so that there is no liveing in the world without quench­ing it, for it will render you both troublesome and ridi­culous, and you shall be a­voyded by all like a Beast of prey. The Stoicks pre­tend to be successefull Era­dicators of this passion, and [Page 25]their Bookes may be use­fully read for tameing it. But themselves have retain­ed many ill humours be­hind, which are worse then a transient Rage, and are most abhorrent from all So­ciety, as Moroseness, Fasti­dious contempt of others, Peevishness, Caption, Scur­rility, wilfullness &c, which issue from some tem­pers, and some principles which men are apt to suck in to feed their naturall dispositions with, whereas the world is not to be en­tertain'd with frowns and [Page 26]darke lookes, Be as severe ad intra as you will, but be wholly complaisant ad extra, and let not your strictness to your self make you cen­sorious and uneasy to o­thers, thus many mortified men have been very unruly to the great scandall of what they professed.

Avoid therefore going to Law at your first setting out, for that will teach you to be litigious before your temper is well fixed, and you will contract an habit of wrangling with your Neighbours, and at last de­light [Page 27]in it like a Sophister with arguing in the Schools, you may observe many who have entred upon in­tangled Estates to become vexatious, and have quite lost the debonairness of their dispositions.

Be alwayes mild and easy to those that are about you, your Relations and servants, not onely for their sakes but your own, if you be displeased at every pec­cadillo you will become habitually froward, which you cannot put off when you appear abroad, and [Page 28]remember that if you be easy to your self you will be so to every body else, and you will be welcome every where.

This produces comity and affability which is a great Ornament of Beha­viour, this argues you well within, and that you are a lover of mankind: It is a mixture made up of civili­ties and freedome, suited to the condition of the per­son you converse with, a quality as to modes and cir­cumstances we fetch from beyond the Seas, for the [Page 29]meer Englishman is suppo­sed to be defective in it: as being rough in address, not easily acquainted, and blunt even when he ob­lidges, though I think it not worth the charge the Gentleman is at that tra­vailes for it: Nay I am sorry for the poore returns many make, that import hither the ayre and carriage, and assurance of the French, therewith quitting their own staple native commo­dities of much greater va­lue, the sincerity and gene­rosity of the English dispo­sition. [Page 30]None is more melt­ed with a civility then an Englishman, but he loves not you should be verbose and ceremonious in it, take heed therefore of overact­ing your civilities to men unconcern'd in you, that must conclude you impertinent, or designing. Freedome is likewise acceptable, and a great advantage to a con­verser, We commonly make it the effect of fami­liarity, but it should be the cause of it, but prudence must bound it and apply it. Be free when you speake, [Page 31]when you give, when you spend, when you allow your time and Company to your friends, let nothing of confinement, formality, or difficulty be discernd: If you can do a kindness do it at first, that is a double obli­gation, and evidences that it was in your heart before it was suggested to you, the return of thanks will be but cold, if the oblidg­ed finds that Importunity, necessity, or after reasonings did extort it from you.

If you would have an Interest where you live, [Page 32]there must be legible in all your actions Justice in your dealings between man and man, this is the cheapest and the greatest policy, and this alone will secure your Re­putation with the populo, to this purpose I onely ad­vise two things.

1. You must be an exact keeper of your word: a promise is a debt which you should pay more carefully then a Bond, because your honesty and honour are the security. Be punctuall e­ven in small matters, as meeting a friend, restoreing [Page 33]a booke, returning a paper &c. for faileing in little things will bring you to faile in great, and alwayes render you suspected, and you shall never be confided in, even when you mean most heartily.

2. Have a speciall care of your debts, I know scarce any can alwayes avoyd con­tracting them, but he that neglects them is profligate and undone as to the world: If you would eat in quiet never run in debt for what you daily consume, he that is necessitated to this is [Page 34]the proper object of an Almes: when you borrow, choose rather a rich credi­tor, and a great debt, then many trifling debts disper­sed among poore people, a poore mans little debt makes the greatest noyse; Deferr not therefore to pay Mechanicks &c. their utmost dues, for they are craveing and clamorous, and confider onely your condition in the world and not your present Exigence.

Prudence must be dis­cernable in your actions as well as justice, and that [Page 35]will appear in nothing more then in the choice of con­fidents and dependants; your most diffusive love to mankind cannot be extend­ed very farr, for the Verge of your knowledge is not, and need not be great, out of acquaintance you choose Familiars, and out of these you pick friends, and you must not expect them to be such as are described in bookes and talked of by Philosophers, thats a Ro­mantick thing onely to be found in Vtopia or the new Atlantis: If any such are, [Page 36]they must be in a Monastery or Recess, where business and understanding are in a little compass: It is suffici­ent for you to find the effect of one such friend in many. You may cull one out of each of those Eminent pro­fessions that you may be concern'd in, and make them your confidents in their severall sphears. You goe not to a Lawyer for Physick, nor to a Merchant to be re­solved in a case of Consci­ence, though both do love you and serve you in what they may.

[Page 37]Make no man your friend twice, except the In­terruption was through your own mistake, and you have done pennance for it. Eve­ry well wisher is not capable of being made your friend, nor every one that you think is honest and faithfull, there must be a suiting your humor, and a mutuall ser­viceableness, and ability to give advice and to take it, and such a proportion of temper as that he shall not, through vanity, or levity, or uncertainty, betray him­self or you. He that is not [Page 38] stanch in preserveing of secrets cannot be a friend, such is a talkative man that uses his mouth for a sluce to let out all that's in him, this argues a great weakness in the head, for a shallow understanding presently judges, and passes sentence, and is positive in it.

Never tell any man you have a secret but dare not tell it, you should either goe further or not have gone so farr, and press no man vehe­mently to keep conceal'd what you have committed to him, for that implyes [Page 39]you suspect what you have done, and that you diffide in his prudence: It disco­vers your value of things, and provokes him to incon­tinence and breach of trust, for there is an Itch in man­kind to be greedy of those fruits that are most zealous­ly forbidden, and some pro­hibitions do even excite desire.

Reservedness by some is accounted an Art and a ver­tue, I think it is a fault, and the symptome of a sullen or stupid nature, and I know it to be unwelcome [Page 40]to all Societies: I like a plain communicative man, he is usefull and acceptable to the World, and be assured that a darke close reserved man shall never have friends, no man will take you into his heart that cannot get into yours: let your Intentions be never so sincere; and I know not what a good man need be afraid of, if no hurt be in him, no hurt will come out of him.

It is true openheartedness has a Latitude, and discre­tion must bound it, and [Page 41]assign its degrees, accord­ing to your kindness to them, or their nearness to you, and none should see all within you, for it may be, infirmity, vice, or dis­content lyes at the bottom. Nor is it fit to rush into discourse before superiors, this is a greater Rudeness then to deny them their place and respect, the like Reverence must be had to the aged, and most experi­enced, and such as speake out of their own profession, neither would I have a man lye open to the scrutinyes, [Page 42]and pumpings of every pragmaticall Inquisitor: such assaults must be managed by Art, you must put by the thrusts, by slight rather then strength, for no force must be discerned, in such cases he that drolls best evades best; but when a man demurrs at an easy question, and is shye of speaking his mind, and pas­ses into another shape, when the matter inquired for is common to all, or pre­judiciall to none, and when he delivers any thing it must be received as a great [Page 43]secret, though not fit or worthy to be kept, It argues him weak and for­mall, and by his rarities he layes up you may guess at all his Closet.

From all this you may inferr, how farr the report­ing of newes may be conve­nient, If you would be popular you must indulge this humor of mankind, though the young man is not so much the Athenian in this as the aged. If you live remote from the City have all publick occurrences as early as you can, you [Page 44]oblige your Neighbours by it better then with the greatest entertainment: some are terrified from speaking what they heare, because it is the trade of seditious men to spread Rumors and false Reports, I think there needs not such caution, if what is related be somewhat at distance, or a common concern, or not evill in it self, and hurts not the fame of others.

Tell no newes to one that pretends to be a states­man, and aske none from him, not the first, for he [Page 45]will seem to know it be­fore, or be angry his Intel­ligence was no quicker, not the last, for he thinks secrecy becomes him, and he loves not to be an Au­thor.

You may guess mens tempers by the straine of their Intelligence. Con­verse not therefore with mutinous dispositions, and besure you represent the actions of your Superiors Candidly, as peace and cha­rity and obedience does ob­lige you: let your errors be alwayes on the right [Page 46]hand, for every good child is so farr from exposeing, that without beholding, he endeavors to cover the nakedness of his father.

It is the method of na­ture, and all common wealths, that there be a dependance of the lesser upon the greater, the weak upon the strong: there­fore if you aime at Imploy­ments, you must lean upon some besides your own vir­tue, and have patrons and assistants to advance you: I know no greater advan­tage for a qualified man then [Page 47]to stand in the way, for e­very man must let out his affections upon some, and have his creature, and that is chosen by chance or Fan­cy. You see when friends meet, their presence does excite a chearfullness and Vivacity with which they entertaine one another, and this speakes their sin­cerity better then any words they can utter, this holds proportionably in all degrees of conversation, take notice therefore of your first accosting any per­son, he will be presently [Page 48]inclined to like or dislike, and he cannot but give some indications of it.

Observe then the eye ra­ther then the tongue, and apply not your self where you was at first discouraged, if the circumstances of your affaire did not cause it: If you prove the fa­vourite of a great man, de­sire not the Monopoly of his Eare, for his mis-adventures will be imputed to you, and what is well done will be ascribed to himself.

Allow your self some time for business every day; [Page 49] no man should be in the world that has nothing to do in it, yet never proclaime your self very busy, for a little hint will serve any that is not much Impertinent, and the less busy you seem, the more you are admired when your worke is dis­patched.

Recreation is as necessary as business, which should be rather of the Body, then the mind, because that suf­fers most in Sedentary Im­ployments; In this you must have Respect to the place [Page 50]where you live and your associats there: In some parts of this Kingdome many of the Gentry under­stand nothing beyond a Horse or a Dog, and can talk of nothing besides it, Therefore if you be not a Huntsman or a Faulkoner you cannot converse with them. Yet this is really bet­ter then the Effeminate di­vertisements of the City.

Take heed of playing often or deep at Dice and games of chance, for that is more chargeable then the [Page 51]seven deadly sinns; yet you may allow your self a certaine easy sum to spend at play, to gratifie friends, and pass over the winters nights, and that will make you indifferent for the e­vent. If you would read a mans disposition see him game, you will then learn more of him in one hour, then in seven years conver­sation, and little wagers will try him as soon as great stakes, for then he is off his Guard. Equanimity at play which is not the effect [Page 52]of use, argues a man ma­nageable for any thing, he that crowes and insults with success is passionate, and is usually the same that fretts and Quarrells at misfor­tunes.

All Society is linked to­gether with some common thing that entertains them, thus eating and especially drinking is become the Li­gament of Conversation. In this you are daily concern'd in some degree, let this be with a visible chearfullness and pleasantness, for that [Page 53]is wholesome both for body and mind, as Physitians and Divines will informe you. It will make you welcome to all, and by this many ac­complish their ends upon the world.

Be not over criticall a­bout eating, for an Epicure is very troublesome; though this Luxurious age bath made it a piece of learning, yet me thinks tis much be­low a brave man to be anxious for his palate and to have his thoughts and pleasures confin'd to a dish [Page 54]of meat. Judge rather for health then pleasure, and disquiet none with dispa­rageing the food, or nice­ness about it, and be not much afraid of the un­wholesomeness of what is sett before you except it be your constant dyet, for usually you see nothing but some will commend it, and our common tables furnish us with nothing that a tem­perate eater may not eat with safety.

Confine none when you drink to your Measures, [Page 55]and expect not that others should do as you do, tis both uncivill and unreaso­nable to impose on Compa­ny, nor yet must you seem to be under any Restraint by them, But be flexible to the Inclinations of the whole and that with readi­ness. Every man should keep a stint, he that palliates it, is most pleasant, yet if you publickly declare your resolution not to trespass beyond your measures, when you are found to command yourself, you will [Page 56]not be sollicited any fur­ther, when you have come up to your standard, recede silently, and do not ma­gisterially oblige the Com­pany to breake up with you, much less stay to be an unconcern'd Spectator of their Levities, but give o­thers the same liberty, your self desires to take.

I might extend such kind of observations to many other Subjects, but I must desist, begging your pardon for playing the Dictator, and being so dog­maticall [Page 57]in what I utter, I know they will not fit all men, nor do they pretend to cure all faults, nor are they designed to express your needs; But they may prevent Inconveniences, and help you to read men, and discover where they faile, and let you see what Relishes with the world. They are obvious and easy in themselves, for nice and subtle things do not guide mankind, but plaine and common Rules, and by Analogy with these laid [Page 58]down you may judge of other matters as they Oc­curr. And I cannot but acquaint you, that they are the effect of your wor­thy Fathers Influence on me, who, extending his paternall care to all Cir­cumstances for your good, ingaged me upon your Quitting your Academick station, to propound to you some directions con­cerning Conversation. And I have pitcht upon such as are grounded on vertue, yet tend to render you accept­able [Page 59]even to the worst, and he has done me honour in judgeing me capable of speaking to this Subject: If they accomplish not the utmost I intended, at least they will do no hurt, but discover my own private sence, and be a testimony of that kindness which is owe­ing to your Relations, by