THE LADY BARK, OR, New Upstart-Lady.
In a very merry and pleasant Dialogue, Betwixt a SKIPPER, A NEW-LADY, A Young SCHOLAR, And a TAPSTER-LASS.
A North bound Skipper coming from the Sea,
Meets a New-Lady, thus makes Courtesie:
(SKIP.)
God save you, Lady-Bark and make you better,
Unto you Lady-Bark I have a Letter.
(LADY.)
O Skipper for that Letter I have long'd.
(SKIP.)
The Wind (not I) your Lady-Vessel wrong'd.
(LADY.)
How fold your stuff?
(SKIP.)
Indeed your Lady-Bark,
When all cost quit will scarce gain half a merk:
The Markets fallen,
(LADY.)
You stay'd too long at home.
(SKIP.)
Your Lady-Bark hath Wind and Tide to blame,
We cannot mend the Weather, coming from her
He said farewell I bid your Lady Crear.
A Scholer standing by, thus jeer'd upon
The Skippers Sea-bred salutation.
(SCH.)
It seemeth Skipper you are come from France
Could you but sing, and make a Leg, and Dance
As you can Compliment; you'd streight be made
A Master of a School in court-ship Trade.
[...]
(SKIP.)
What Cryme I pray unto my Charge is laid?
(SCH.)
God save your Lady Ship ye should have said,
And ye said Lady Bark.
(SKIP.)
I did so, then
I see great Clerks are not still wisest men:
What need you jeer my Words, or Quarrells pyke!
Bottoms of Burden are not all alyke.
Ye must grant odds (if you be not a Sot,)
'Twixt Indian-Merchant-Ship, and Oyster-Boat:
'Twixt my Bark and the Admirall of Spain,
Or, our brave Royall Charles on the Main.
This Lady must not (though her flaggs be brave)
Such Tytles as my Lady-Countess have,
Whose own, even as her Noble Lords forbears,
In SCOTLAND diverse Ages have been peers:
Yet when to her my Top Halyardes I slip,
I only say GOD save your Lady-Ship.
(SCH.)
But yet this is a Lady still, for (look)
This Pocket-Byble in my hand's a Book
In all Respects, as well (though of less syse)
As one in Folio is in any-wise:
So is this Lady;
(Lady)
though content
With shorter standing, Smaller Lands and Rent.
(SKIP.)
You must grant odds betwixt Turbet and Flook;
Though both be Fish, I grant a Book's a Book;
There are then (arguings from your own Confession)
Some Pocket Ladyes of a late Edition.
The Sea doth not my Senses all benumb
For Husbands worth, I know the King to some
Doth Honors give and so doth Ladyes make them
Some Tytles steall or at their Feet uptakes them,
In Townes, from Mercat, Chruch, House, Shop and Street,
Good-Wife is sunk, the Mistress there doth fleet
And stands a Land-ward: next year you her find
A New-Rigg'd-Lady looffing by the Wind.
Perchance a Vessel that in Summar last
Was Good-Wife Floy Boat with a jurie Mast:
Now out New-Flaggs, hoyse the Top Sail a fathom,
For Top-Sail Tytles, what needs all this work?
A Year, Old Lady is but Lady Bark.
(SCH.)
The onely outward Skipper you do take,
With diligence a search if you do make;
You'l find that reall Goodness doth stand
In Old-High-Race in Riches, or in Land:
Then Women of Deportment still should have
Such Compellations as their (Meene) doth crave.
Beware you do not irritate your Betters
With Gibberish,—which you use upon the Waters:
Ask Nomen-Clators when ye wail your Bonnet
Madam or Lady is as soon said as Jannet.
(SKIP.)
What? No Man clatters? fore and aft ye clatter,
And slug three way-rope length asterne the matter:
I'm not a Quaker yet I'le not dissemble,
The rageing Seas sometimes have made me tremble.
I know not what you say, yet one thing's true,
I honour those to whom honour is due.
Yet should each Sail, in her own Squade be set,
And not such Tytles as the greatest get
Though Ensign, Streamers, Jack and Flye look tall,
In Fleets each Vessell's not an Admiral:
If I do know a Ladyes true Condition,
I can salute her in a decent fashon.
If one unknown, High-Top-Sail-Termes do covet,
I'le how her Mistris, till I know more of it.
A Gentle-Woman sure wilt think no worse,
If she but know her Compass or her Course.
Now at high water, if ye on the street,
Too and again of Women new the Fleet:
On either Boord, on Head, or yet A-stern,
You Ladyes can from Tapsters scarce discern?
The Stern-most have their Taicklings and their Sailes
Their Stirrage, Midships, Fore-Decks, and their Tailes;
Their Flaggs and Streamers blowing in such state,
As they were Frigots of the formest Rate,
[Page 4] Must I Dame-Ship them all? they strive for place,
Much like Ostend-freebooters in a chace:
They'l clap abroad like Fire Ships, and in rage
Blow up their Consort, for the Weather-Gage.
What, She in head of us? It's but short time
Since her best Loading was but Coals and Lyme
A Herring-Boat that sculk'd it by the Shoar,
A Scout, a Kenning still astern or more.
When wee'd aboord Cloath, Hair, Silk, Silver-Laces;
Tobacco, Sugar, Sack, Spyce, Chrystall-Glasses.
Now She's in head of us, lett Fore sail fall,
Get Larbooard-Tacks aboord, down the Main-sail
Heave out Fore-Top-sail, heave Main-Top-sail out
Hoise up Fore-Top-sail, hoise Main-Top-sail stout
Let Sprit-sail fall, Top Gallon sail, out Maine,
Fore-Gallant-Top-sail out, hoise all again:
Hoise up the Mizen, hoise Mizen-Top-sail high,
Take heed at Helm there; keep her under the Lee.
She is about and winds us; Port, Port hard,
Let ryse Main-Tack, let rise Fore-Tack: reguard
Brace on the Lar-Board Braces, and get too
The Star-Board-Main-Tack Star-Board-Fore-Tack, do
Cast off the Star-Board-Braces, right the Helm,
Keep her a Lee-ward, whither wind or calm;
Thus in and out of Course in any case;
They'l break their Bold-Sprits ere they lose their place.
(SCH.)
If ye speak so, I'le understand as soon
What you do say, as the Man in the Moon;
For your Sea-hubbub soundeth just like charmes
Use Luculent, and not Exotick Termes.
(SKIP.)
What termes do ye call Jackalent and Sattick?
I speak my Callings Language, and its Prattick.
In Schools or Pulpit you, I on the Sea,
I'le understand you just as you do me:
When you coyne words from Latin, French or Greek,
Old Palinurus hath the sense to seek.
It blew a Gale this mourning, I toyled sore
[Page 5] And have drunk nothing since I came a shore.
I'm dry, and I can jest no longer, come,
I'll give a pynt, or take my welcome home,
(SCH.)
Go Skipper, I will follow, go before,
Pray enter Skipper, enter, take the Doore,
Pray enter Skipper, enter, enter.
(SKIP.)
brave!
In offering me the place ye it do crave:
Nay take it, for I know, and so do ye,
Doggs, Clerks, and Women, still should foremost be.
I am dry, dry, dry, if I had once a drink,
In plain Land-Terms I will speak all I think.
How Lady-Lass! come fill a pynt of Ale,
See it be good and fresh, not new nor stale.
Good Ale indeed drink Lady, drink and try't,
Your Lady-Lass-Skip, fair its not denyed.
(LASS)
for all your jesting Skipper, it may be
I may prove Lady once before I die.
(SKIP.)
I do believe ye may have your desire
Tho you get neither Lord nor Knight nor Squyre
Nor one who doth an old Estate inherit
Nor one whose Vertues doth new honors merit.
The Ladyes-Springing-Season's passing good,
For never was there since the World stood
So great a Cropt of Ladyes as this Year,
They're even as many as the Ground can bear:
Yea, some like Ground-swyle thrive so well, they rise
Grow up and wither in one Summer thrice
Scrape some few Pennies, scrape in any sense:
Though not with honour or good Conscience:
On some Old-Good-Wifes-Dunghill lay them out,
And in one Watch, a Lady thence will sprout.
A Lady this and that, a Lady Mother,
A Lady-Auntie, Lady, who's the other?
Then Lads and Maids, and Bairnes shall be whiped
If this New-Lady be not stoutly Shiped
Thence this New-Lady, doth Young Ladies yeeld,
That flowrish like the Lillies of the Field:
[Page][Page 6] Who though they will not toyle, nor can they spin;
Yet ne're was any Queen arrayed more fine:
In Rhadicipris, Saradines, Briggade,
Alasants, Curles, of silk and worset made
Taffeties, Satines, plain and Morall, Tabbies,
Villerasas, Velvets of all sorts like Babbies.
Well dressed of more Colours and fine hew,
Then hundreth Rain-bowes 'gainst the Sun can shew.
These plain or painted, with more various Flowers;
Than all the product of the Spring-time showres:
Nor have they only such fine Silk and Tissue,
But other Gigawes of Old-Eves proud issue
Colbertines, Trollies, Poynt and Mazarine,
And these again or brigg'd, or closs, or plain.
Betwixt the Lillies, and such Garments new
Great difference is These from the Sun and dew
On our own soyle do pleasantly flower out,
But each far-fetched forraign gaudie Clout:
From France and Holland, Smyrna, Naples, Spain,
From China (farther) over the waterie plain
Are wafted: pains and moneys are not spar'd
From six to sixty Scottish-Pounds a yard
In Trust, not present payment, of Bills a Charge,
Blowes off the Merchant, makes him take it large.
The Merchant for his broken-Credit grieved
Doth Law and Aw his Debters, till relieved:
Long Lybells read, and Blowing-Hornes do blast
New Lady-ships wrackt are, or sail the Mast.
(LASS)
My patience (Skipper) cannot bear your Tale
I think you scald your lipps 'mongst others Kale
Would you have no man to buy any Land,
Tho he of money can great summes command?
(SKIP.)
Forbid I will not, (least I seem to reave)
They'l buy, and sell again, without my leave
(LASS)
A man buyes Land, and it of right doth hald,
May not his Wife a Lady then be call'd?
(SKIP.)
She may and will, (yea it is ten to one)
(LASS)
May not this Lady (call her new or old,)
Wear any cloath in shopes for money sold?
(SKIP.)
I am a poor Skipper I'le be still, because
I am no Prince, therefore can make no Lawes:
But were my sentence sought, none should put on
Nor Silks, nor Forraign Cloath, save Dames alone
Of antient wealth and honour; all the rest,
(LASS)
The rest must all go naked, there's the jest.
(SKIP.)
Not naked, we have Wool and Flax at hame,
I think no honest woman will think shame,
To dress or cause her servants dress, and fyne.
Yea, her best Maids spin, and wind up and twyne:
Cause make fine Cloath, and spare her money: saving
Herself and Houshold both from cold and craving.
(LASS)
Fy Skipper fy, that is for Rustick-Clowns,
And not for Gentle-Women, not for Towns
Fy Skipper fy, let paultry House-wives spin
Who can not other wayes their living win:
As good go naked, (you do stirr my passion)
Yea better out of life than out of fashion.
(SKIP.)
Better be vertuous, and comely clade:
Nor till half Flood be spent to slugg in bed:
Then up, Comb, Wash, Dress, Dyne, and afternoon
Hover abroad like Butterflies in June:
To the Man-market or some Cummering visite,
By Maids and Wives, as now a days is used.
Now Nakedness seems no great punishment,
For many Women are right well content
To have their Breasts, and their Raw-Spawlds behind
Like Gally Slaves expos'd to Sun and Wind.
I wish they were well lash'd, or forc'd make bare
Their lower Fore-Decks, and their privie ware.
(LASS)
Ill manner'd Cairle, I must let you know it,
If you had better Breeding you would show it;
If you prate more, (you Railing Sea-bred-Sott
I'll break your jeering Pigs-Nose with the Pot.
(SKIP.)
Avast! Avast! I think this day a Morn,
Some sorrow Rowed in my Cobles Horn;
Some Women look like Lady-Galiot-ships,
Trim Lady-Pynk ships. Lady-Pleasure-Boat-ships.
But they prove Lady-Fyre-Ships; and begin
To throw Granadoes if you bid them spin.
But yet not all, good Women are more wise,
Than to be cloathed in Ape-like Toyish-guise.
O strange! strange tymes! (its with amazement spoken,)
Who so speaks truth, must have his head now broken.
I am out of Course, and need not stear more steadie
Women and Clerks are in my Top alreadie;
If I do waken Doggs, a storm will blow
Will force me bring my Top-sailes all below.
A storm, a storm, a Roaring storm falls near.
I'l stand to the Offin, till the Coast be clear;
Far better rule my Bark in Rageing-Seas,
Than such light Land-ships, and their vanities.
The Winds do bluster, and the Waves do swell:
Come take your Money, Lady-Lass farewell.
A Licence for Printing this Book
Nebrida, Day, Moneth, and year foresaid
The Court of Merry Drolls well Minted:
Ordaineth these Presents to be Printed.
Sent South, North, East, West, where ye would,
And for twelve Scottish Pennies sold.
And whoso taketh offence at it,
Hath far more vanitie than Wit.
High Tytles, and strange Cloaths; Fooles jeer them
And Fooles indeed do take and Wear them:
Who if they grudge at this Epistle,
May fume, grin, fret, laugh, dance, sing, whistle,
Run out of Wit, or sit at ease;
All's one to us as what they please;
Fly wyld, sit tame, make foul fairwork.
Subscrived JOCOSERIVS Clerk.
FINIS.
Be Da: Ferguson.