A LETTER Sent by AN OXFORD SCHOLLER To his Quondam SCHOOLEMASTER;

Wherein the PARLIAMENT is proved either not to be at all, or to be at Oxford: Their pretences detected, some objections an­swered, and the Kings cause so asserted, that the Schoolmasters Answer doth ac­knowledge himselfe convinc't.

As also the Scholler's Reply to that Answer, wherein he hath inserted a Love-Elegie from one of the five Members to his Paramour, and his repulse in her Answer.

Printed for W. WEBB. M.DC.XLII.

To the READER.

REader, I anticipate thy censure with my owne, acknowledging that there is nothing of worth in these scriblings, but the cause; so that I am just like that Shoomaker, who discours't to Apel­les about the thigh, when his skill reach't no higher then the ankle. I should have remember'd Scaevo­la, who would be no Iack of all Trades; but when some Clients askt him counsell in the Law, he referr'd them to Caesellius: and when the builders askt advise of Plato the Philosopher, hee sent them to Euclid the Geometrician. I acknowledge the errour of my piety; I should have left these State affaires to Statists; and whilest they build, it had been preferment for me one­ly to carry away the rubbish, so that the greatest re­ward that I can desire, is pardon. But how little I did itch after a publique name, thou mayst know by this, [Page]That I am ashamed to tell thee who I am: and indeed, it was for feare of being publique that I desired to be in Print; for some false Copies were threatned the Presse, unlesse I would publish a true one; so that thou wilt quickly pardon the act, when thou considerest the end: for I did onely commit this sinne, that I might avoyd it.

The true Copy of a LETTER sent from an OXFORD Scholler to his quon­dam Schoole-master.

SIR.

YOu will esteeme it a soloecisme in your Quondam schollar, that he should thinke it no false Syntaxe to Catechize his Master, and may wonder that twenty yeares doe not blush to instruct three-score; but by way of relation to your many Lectures, you must pardon my gratitude if I read you one; for since the Act doth alwayes carry proportion with the object, I am sooner to discard my reverence to a Teacher, then my Loyalty to a Prince. For whom as I must spend every drop of blood to fight his cause, soe I will shed every drop of inke to assert it: and though the assailant is weake, yet the cause is so strong, that I doubt not but to convince your faith, however I may faile of your acknowledgment. Since as Hannibal overcame Italy with Italian Forces, so I may beate your owne swords to the injury of your foreheads, which you hold up for the defence of 'em; for when the Parliament (those I meane who are Nicknamed soe) doe prove that Rebellion in the Execution, which they yet disavow to have been in the Intention, their hands doe so lowdly give their toungs the lie, that I can confute their words by noe stronger arguments then their actions. Hence it is that I admire at His Majesties unwearied goodnesse which hath rob'd His senses of so many houres sleepe, whil'st it hath stoop't to a con­futation of those actions which for their evidence are indisputable. To prove the object of sence, is a taske for schoolboys; and I cannot wish my Enemies soe well, as the honour to fall by Hercules. Now Sir, that you may rightly ayme at the marke, I desire you (as Ar­chers use) to shut one eye; I meane, that of Prejudice. Bolt not [Page 2]your eares to the message, because 'tis I that bring it; be not deafe to good counsell, because you are resolved That no good thing can come out of Oxford. Be not like those Indians, who would not goe to Heaven for feare of meeting a Spaniard there: Nay, be not like your old selfe, who did therefore detest the Liturgy and Hierarchy, because 'twas common to us with Papists. Could the Devill teach me goodnesse, I would be his Disciple. There is no better way to compose a good Protestant, then by imitating the superstitious Ca­pouchins in continuall prayer; the Papisticall Paduans in holy cha­stity; their Knighthood in the defence of Orphans and Widowes; the Pagan Turkes in pitty and charity; the Savage Tartars in ho­nesty, truth, and chastity; the Cyprians in affability and hospitality to strangers; the Heathen of Peru in liberality to their God, King, and Countrey. Be not then (good Sir) like those Harlots of Ʋlna, who paint their teeth blacke, because the dogg's are white. Be not at such a stubborne and resolv'd enmity with us, as to foster Rebel­lion, because we are loyall; nor say with the Lyrick Poet, ‘Quodcunque ostendis mihi sic, incredulus odi.’

Marius did not disdaine to learne of Hannibal; nor had he freed the Romans at Caudium, had they not beene conquer'd at Cannae: thinke it no brand to your credit to be your Schollers Proselyte. O devote not your selfe to the darknesse of Aegypt, because 'tis I that would leade you into the light of Goshen; nor be the lesse in love with a retractation of your heresie, because the motive to it is vile. Truth lies not now (as Antiquity faign'd it) in a ditch, but is so ob­vious to the eye, that if you (being a Scholler) stumble at her, I shall thinke it is not because you are blinde, but that you will not see. Those (indeed) whose slender soules see no farther then their eyes, who not able to distinguish betwixt the Name and the Thing, call the Conspiracy the Parliament, whose grosser mindes being fed one­ly by hopes and feares, are too thicke to take in the finer nourish­ment of Reason; those (I confesse) may be quickly cozened of their loyalty. But that your Intellect should be be-nighted with such a Cymerian darknesse, as not yet to be unclouded by the beames of our English Sunne, (The Declarations of his Majestie;) This stagger's my understanding.

1. O consider with remorse of conscience how this Kingdome now labours with the Falling Sicknesse, and (like men of that dis­ease) [Page 3]lies throbbing her owne bowels; the extremity of whose malady hath so taken away the sense of it, that the giddy Rout stop­ping their eares to Accommodation (like the drunken Lapithae) de­spise their Physitian.

2. Consider how fertile our Land is in a Cadmus crop, when we may change but the name, and speake Lucan of our selves, Bella per Angliacos plusquam civilia, &c. And the then State of Rome was but the prophecy of ours: for,

Nec quenquam jam ferre potest Caesârve priorem,
Pompeiúsve parem.

That is, ‘The King will admit no Rivall, Pym no Superiour.’

3. Consider what a disastrous event will attend this so unnaturall a Rebellion; that the lesser Gods (though Gods) had no sooner complotted to binde Jupiter, but there was a Thetis to detect the Treason, and a Briareus to defeate it: and though both sides yet run like Parallel lines, yet they can never end in the same Center.

4. Consider when you read Homer to me, what a speciall notice you commanded me to take of that Periphrasis, by which he calls the King the Pastor of his people, ‘— [...].’ Now for Sheepe to butcher one another, were admirable; but to bring their Shepherd to the shambles, prodigie.

5. Consider that Asperius nihil est humili, &c. — and what a combustion this Kingdome is already in, whilest these Phaëtons of State aspire to rule in CHARLES his Waine: nay, how it is like to be confounded into its old Chaos, unlesse a Thunderbolt dismount 'em from the Sunn's Chariot.

6. Consider in what detestation future Parliaments will be had, whilest Posterity reflects on this; believing that then they will of­fend by Prescription, when Rebellion is authorized by so high a Title; when the Court of Justice shall be a Topick for the approve­ment of Vice, and by the same Logick will dispute downe that Con­fistory, by which they prove Episcopacy unlawfull, because some Bishops have been bad. Nay, it will passe into a Proverbe with the simplicity of the Vulgar, to ranke the English Parliament with the Spanish Inquisition. for wickednesse and the world are both of one growth; they'le thinke that Neroni sufficiet Nero, that the Iron age is likely to be no mending one; and will be sure to remember, [Page 4]That when Scipio the father had endangered Carthage, Scipio the Sonne ruin'd it. This makes them sit so long, because they thinke they sit their last.

7. Lastly, consider our Soveraigne under a double notion, how (as a Christian) He rules Himselfe, and (as a King) His Countrey. How the goodnesse of His Majestie stands in equipage with the splendour of it. How He is so compos'd and made up of Grace and Favour, that he is a Prince as 'twere accomplisht for the indearing of His people; we should vindicate him not onely as the father, but (as the Graecians did Helena;) — [...], As the Bridegroome of his Countrey: for our dearest Relations, which like divided streames, runne severall wayes, must all meet in him as in their proper Ocean. Adde this as an Epilogue to your considerati­ons, that you would take it very ill if the lower Classis of your Schoole (but the Plebeians of that your Kingdome) should take the Burchen Scepter out of your hand, and imploy it about your breetch. This (with pardon to my youth) is to prepare you for a fit Reader, lest your sufferage should be bespoke, and taken up on to'ther side; for since Truth cannot comply with an erroneous Judgement, nor hold conformity with that rule by which it was not made: I desire you to reade over what my shallow apprehension of these State matters is, with an unpreoccupied understanding.

The Parliament at first had not long sate, when some Pygmes of fortune, out of a naturall Antipathy with those of taller growth, did anxiously labour to make them shorter by the head; and being Eagle­sighted, they endeavour'd to prune off those spreading branches, which interpos'd as a Skreene betwixt the Sunne and them. Now, because the people were to act that Tragedy, of which themselves had laid the Plott, they must studie some imposture by which to juggle out their affections; so that Justice it selfe did now begin to be accessary, and Religion the Pimpe for vice. Atheisme was to be work't in under pretext of Reformation; Protestancy to be work't out under the name of Papisme. Licentiousnesse was sollicited un­der the maske of Liberty; Inconveniences to be taken away for the introducements of Mischiefes. Dirt was to be cast on the Ermyn, and then he to be accused of being foule. He was to be argued of Popery, and so of Perjury. His very Declarations were accused of a curious garbe of Rhetoricke, and found guilty of an Idaea; both maje­stick, [Page 5]and yet decent. Their writings were to be credited even for their slovenly conveyance. The Phrensie of the Pulpit had the repu­tation of Zeale, and men possess't with the spirit were esteemed as inspired. Some parts were to be let bloud for the preservation of the whole; and instead of purging ill humours, they were to change the Crasis of the body. Like pictures that looke severall wayes, or like the ninth Orbe, they were to move Westward in complyance with the King, and direct East in the progresse of their own designes. The power of Soveraignty was shaken to confirme the right of it, that so the people might rebell with the more obedience; and (as I dare sweare many have done) that they might doe ill with a good con­science, and fight against their King in a discharge of their allegeance. Anon they pretend to Enthusiasme, and (as Numa from Egeria, or Mahumet from the Angell Gabriel) to have direction even from God. So that now (like opposite lines in a Globe, which by being drawne asunder, meet) the Puritane is Papist, (omitting the shrive­ing men from perjury after the battell at Brainceford) not onely in King-killing, but also in infallibility. For by this time Pym is Pope of England, as well as Ʋrban of Rome. His assertion is his proofe, and the action of which he gives the reason, is the reason of the action; so that Petere principium is to argumentize best. The vul­gar are of Hiero's minde. [...], they put their salvation into his hands; and to whatsoever he shall doe, they re­signe up their consciences, as well as their consents.

This foundation of a Ruine being laid, (that my Letter may not swell, I will give but one instance) they vote downe Bishops, be­cause they have too much knowledge to be seduc't into their facti­on, and too much conscience to be work't to't. Here the King must have no suffrage, unlesse He make it theirs: and as if His Oath did onely serve to solemnize His Coronation, they thinke it not enough for Him to part with His Prerogative, unlesse He will dispence with His Religion too: they had rather His Oath were broke, then the Bishops kept. The King againe is refractary, and whil'st they vote Perjury to be no sinne, He denyes to make it an Act. The Militia is to be setled in their hands who are interessed and engaged in this growing Treason, that they may awe Him to their Votes, to which they cannot wooe Him. And notwithstanding those evi­dences at Edge-hill and Brainceford, besides the suborning of Pam­pheleteers [Page 6]for their Abettors, as of some to prove the King a Papist, and those perfidious that will beleeve Him; of others that do averre Him to be Ʋniversis minor, though Singulis major; of a third sort, who would have the Subjects coordinate with Him, not subordinate to Him, and the like; I say notwithstanding all this, they are so fa­mously impudent, as to proclaime themselves loyall, and the Rabble so eminently stupid as to beleeve 'em. His Majestie (like a prudent Halcyon) fore seeing a tempest would be shortly, whilest the clouds were o're his head, forsakes the unruly Ocean; and removes the Par­liament to Yorke, though the Title stay'd behinde at London: for put the King's part of the Parliament (notoriously knowne to be the major) in one scale of your Judgement and the lesser part of London in the other; then suppose (not grant) the ballance in Aequilibrio, yet the King (who is heavier then both) being put to the greater part, must needs outweigh the lesse: so that now you are brought to this Dilemma, that either the Parliament is not, or that it is not at London.

Ob. 1. But you say, the King cannot breake off the Parliament. I answer, that the King is an essentiall part of it, and therefore 'tis all one for him to leave it, and to breake it off, for the causality of intrinsecall causes is the union of them; and though the parts united are not distinguisht from the whole, but ratione ratiocinatâ, yet taken asunder they include a third entity; so that they of London are but an [...], and onely in potentiâ essendi, being not a body; and yet having no repugnancy to the making one, when they shall unite themselves with the King: and though as yet but cyphers, yet they may make a number, when the royall figure shall be prefixt.

Ob. 2. You say, He hath promised not to breake it off. But the most absolute promise is implicitly hypotheticall; and though His Majestie did grant them a perpetuall Session, yet granted with a proviso, that they intrench't not on His Prerogative; insomuch, that the promise doth no longer obtinere, when once they have rambl'd beyond the pale of their conditions. Besides, if this Parlia­ment was to have any end, (as doubtlesse by sitting whilest they list, was not meant sitting whilest they live) it was to be broken off by the major part, (who are with the King) and not to remaine 'till the consents of all, for that all will not consent so much as to adjourne, [Page 7]much lesse to end it, is manifest by this, that they are hereby exemp­ted from the tryall of their offences; from which the name of Par­liament (though it should not yet) hath priviledg'd 'em▪ for it was held unlawfull, that the King should proceed against those five Mem­bers according to Law; and to accuse Traytors was a breach of pri­viledge. Therefore each single person will desire to continue him­selfe a whole Shire or Corporation, because that hath beene a tricke to authorize the highest Treasons, and is the Tenure by which they hold both their Lives and Livings; so that they love the continu­ance of the Parliament, as condemned strumpets doe the continuance of their great bellies, onely to save 'em from the Gallowes.

Ob. 3. You say, so many are more judicious then one, and there­fore their verdict to take place. But suppose the negative and affir­mative Votes are even; if there be no Ʋmpire to decide, then either they must cast lotts on whose side it shall passe, or they are just like Caligula, who mustered up his Souldiers to gather Cockelshells; or like Cato in the Theater, Qui ideo tantùm venerat, ut exiret; and we should finde them Register'd with this [...]:

In Parliament above five hundred men
Sate downe to Vote, and so rose up agen.

Ob. 4. You say, the Kings Prerogative is not lessen'd, whilest they assume so much. You must pardon my unbeliefe if it be no part of my Creed: for the King and they being now Antipodes, their Ze­nith must be his Nadir; the more those Starres doe ascend our Ho­rizon, the more this Sunne must fall downe; for the latitude of Do­minion must be some way compleated in the body Politique, as the latitude of Qualities in the body Naturall; as where there are but three degrees of heat, there must be five of cold, according to that knowne Maxime, Gradualis ambitus contrarietatis supplenda est ex uno, aut altero contrariorum. Now the King and those Rebels being Diametrically opposite, what you adde to their Authority, you must take from His.

That therefore the King is an absolute Monarch, and by much su­periour to both Houses, (He being deputed by God, and they but by the Countrey) though my ignorance in these high matters makes me feare to say I'le prove, yet I'le indeavour to illustrate by these emer­gent Arguments.

1. From the Universe, which is govern'd by one God; from whom also all Kings had their first institution. Hence Euripides in his Andromache, [...].

2. From the Common-wealth of Cranes, from whom (saith Aelian, l. 3.) mankinde at first learn'd their [...], and (as Plato in his Politicum) they never encampe against the Troglodytes, but with due observation to their Generall.

3. From all vegetable bodies, which (if the parts be equall) will be homogeneous; and (if there be many heads) monstrous.

4. From all mixt bodies, which Philosophy will not allow should have a Temperament ad Pondus; for there is a Monarchy in their qualities, which would cease to be active, were they all equall; because Similia non agunt invicem.

5. From the confusednesse and mischiefe of the contrary; for the government of the Consuls, Decemviri, and Tribunes, were incom­patible with the Romans▪ and inconsistent with an Empire of so long a durance; which forced them to that government which they had formerly refused; (viz.) of Kings call'd Emperours. This made Ʋlys­ses in Homer, breake forth to the Graecians in his [...], &c. —’

6. From the suffrages of best Authors; and of infinite I will cite but few. Plutarch (De tribus Reip. generibus) proves this the best, and brings Plato's Politicum to confirme it. In Herodotus (l. 3.) when Otanes had made a speech for Polyarchy, Megabyzus for Oly­garchy, and Darius for Monarchy, the foure [...] preferr'd the last, which Pythagoras proves from the very nature of Numbers▪ whence Plutarch observes, that with Homer, Ʋnity is convertible with goodnesse, and multitude with vice; which appeares by the contrary significations of [...] and [...].

7. From the inferiour Heavens, which doe move at the pleasure of the Primum mobile. From the Elements; of which the lower so little aspire into the Territories of the highest, that they doe not Le­vitare in suis locis. And lastly from all that is in Nature, or above it, for God had more skill in setting, (when he compos'd the Harmo­ny of the world) then to make all the parts in unison.

To conclude therefore, I will inferre from what I have said, these 6 Corollaries.

1. That the Praedicament of a Common wealth is to be made ac­cording [Page 9]to Sub and Supra; and that ours as well as the rest, ought to have a Summum genus in't.

2. That the King is the very soule of the Kingdome, and that soule an act, of which the will as well as the understanding is a sub­stantiall faculty; and that those Rebels are but untam'd affections, pro­ceeding from the sensitive appetite, which Aristotle calls [...], the beastly part of the body.

3. That the Machivillians in London (—O quis iniquae tam patiens urbis! —) have not onely endeavour'd, but have de facto altered the government of this Kingdome, of which the Oligarchs are in London, whilest the Monarch resides in Oxford.

4. That they have turn'd Machiavel's precept into practice, Di­vide & impera, for they have uncemented a great part of the Mem­bers from the Head, by invenoming His Name, and imbittering their natures▪ by striking into them the pannick feares of villenage; and by setting up an Idoll at Westminster for poore Ignorance to fall downe 'to; so that the abused multitude (fancying them to be what indeed they are not) doe not onely adore their owne Workmanship, but (what is worse) their Creature.

5. That as they falsely protest they warre not against the King, but His evill Counsellours, so we may truly sweare, that the King fights not against the Parliament, but the Disturbers of it.

6. Lastly, that they have nothing in them of a Parliament, but the bare Notion and Place; and that the best of their actions doe looke no otherwise, then as if (with Herostratus) their Authors committed them for no other end, then to be notorious enough for a Chronicle▪ which for the unworthinesse shall be register'd in the same Catalogue with Litisar the Dyer in the dayes of Richard 2. Joseph the Blacke-smith, (H. 7.) Robin Ket the Tanner (Edw. 6.) Jack Cade (H. 6.) Wat Tyler and Jack Straw (R. 2.) But rather then the King shall want strength to overwhelme these Rebels, I doubt not but the cloudes will drop downe in a shower of Locusts to devoure them, as sometimes in Norwey it hath rain'd Lemmers. I doubt not but the people will be one day dis-infatuated; That their Seducers (like Actaeon) may bee eaten up by their owne Hounds. But should our successe be worse, I would not thinke their cause the better; knowing that the Arme is let bloud, when [Page 10]the disease lyes in the Stomack: and whilest God punishes tis for their faults, I shall esteeme their Victory their Judgement. So steadfastly resolves

The most sollicitous of your welfare * * *

The SCHOOLEMASTER's Answer.

I Have read your Letter, which hath made me your Convert; for the pathos of your stile hath had such strong influence on my reason, and the savage performance of those Rebels doth so dis­prove their faire promises, that I confesse my selfe overcome, and must Herbam porrigere. Now that your Letter may convert o­thers by my example, I desire you (with the concealement of my name) to make it Publici juris: for I would Palinodiam canere so loud, that all the world might heare it. For that respect's sake which you once did beare to me your Master, let it in Lacem prodire; for there are imperfect Copies flowne abroad from my hands, which some intend to commit to Presse, Publicae utilitatis ergò. My haste (for I am now giving Homer's Lecture) will let me say no more, then that I am

A Loyall Subject and a loving friend ○ ○ ○.

The Gratulatory REPLY to that ANSWER.

SIR,

YOu cannot imagine in what an extremity of joy I now live, not so much that I had the honour, as the happi­nesse to convert you, as well for my owne sake, in whose tender'st thoughts you had a great proportion; as more especially for yours, who can now looke unhood­winck't on those men of darknesse, who seeke to sacrifice a Majestie to their wilde lusts. with whom a great part of peo­ple doe commit Idolatrie, (as the poore Indians worship the Devill) that they may doe them no harme; not fearing them for love, but loving them for feare: and so they doe not pay them the Tribute of Reverentiall, but Servile Homage. Poore soules! who hope to flatter Hell into a Sanctuary and so loose their refuge by running to an Asylum, like Fannius in Mar­tial, who died to avoid death. ‘Dic mihi, non stultum est ne moriare, mori?’

Another part of men thinking Rebellion stronger then Ju­stice, doth comply with it, because they have too much to loose. A third quite contrary, because they have too much to get. And the last and most to be deplored, (whose understandings are abused by those grand Machivillians) fight against the King in His owne Cause, offend Him in His Defence, and destroy the Essence of Parliament, to preserve the Priviledge of it: As if Parliaments (like the waters of Bethesda) could not cure a le­prous Common-wealth, before they were troubl'd: Or as if the Kingdome (like a Watch) could not possibly be mended, [Page 12]unlesse the wheeles and parts were taken asunder. I dare say the least of these foure faults was yours; which as you were so much Man as to commit, so you have beene so much Chri­stian as to repent. And because I was so luckie as to purge your affections, though perhaps not so wise as to cleare your Reason; I will write as pathetically as my slender skill will give leave (and the cause inspire) to my Cozen B. for perhaps my youth may worke stronger with him, then that age which can wooe him wiser; especially, because I know he loves me well, and hath so faire an example as your selfe to follow.

Thus farre, Sir, I have wrote sadly to you, give me leave to entertaine you now with a little mirth: It is the Love-Elegie of a Politick Amorist, which if hee did not make himselfe, but procured some body to doe it for him, yet I dare sweare the sense is all his owne. I have sent the Answer too, if both can but procure one smile from your serious forehead, I shall thinke the paines of writing it well paid for.

Carmen Eroticon ab uno Mem­brorum quinque, ad Dilectissimam suam amicam D. C.

ILle ego prognatus de nigrescente Caballo,
Quem fertur moriens sponte dedisse Pater,
En Patrem refero, (petulans genus extat equorum)
Pronus in amplexus (Diva Corinna) tuos.
Ille ego cordato cujus moderamine, vobis
Nondum clauduntur (Parliamenta) fores,
Quem ratis Angliacae Typhin, quem quisque popelli,
Regalis currûs Automendonta vocant,
Quique Stuartiadis Caroli Diademata vinco,
Vincor captivus (Pulchra Corinna) tuus.
Curribus en jungit binas Cytheraea columbas,
Cantat victrix, ecce Triumphus, ait.
Et tibi subjectus, jam nunc dedisco rebellem;
Quem nequiit pietas flectere, flexit amor.
Et licet haud valeo Dominum tolerare Carollum,
Te fateor Dominam (sancta Corinna) meam.
Ah me discipulum Veneris plus fulmine sternunt,
Ex oculi pharetris spicula jacta tuis.
Nec tam regales fasces amor urget habendi,
Quàm quibus ingenii sis potienda modis.
Aureus in gremium patulum tibi (chara) venirem,
Ʋt quondam Danaë Jupiter imbre suae.
En tibi submitto jugulum; si jusseris ipsa,
Sedulus in funes obvia collae dabo.
Non me latratu terret canis iste trifauci,
Quando concubitum (lux mea) quaro tuum.
Iphias ô Capaneu non tunc magis arsit amore,
Quum fertur rapidis desiliisse rogis.
Saepius ad trutinam tua dum voco membra, videtur
In tete solam multa fluisse Dea.
Inque domo menti petulans Cytheraea residit,
Inque tuis oculis coesia Pallas adest.
Occupat & frontem spaciosam sospita Juno,
Incolit & digitos praevia lucis Ews.
Cum subit in mentem nox ista novissima, quando
Miscuimus placido membra silenda toro;
O mihimet geminus quoties occurrit ocellus,
Qualiter & lepidus fronte renidet Amor;
Quum memoro beves humeros, habilésque papillas,
Ʋlnas candidulas, & juvenile fomur;
(Quod caput est formae) capitis dum cogito formam,
Et meditor positam non sine lege comam;
Istam praecipuè simulac ego cogito partem,
Partem quam verbis indigitare pudet;
Ah quò tunc rapior! quantis tunc astibus uror?
Quàm furiis instar pectore saevit Amor?
Distrahor hinc at que hinc; & curas mente voluto,
Ʋt rudis indomito fluctuat unda mari.
Millena in mentem subeunt molimina nostram,
Dum rabidus meditor quâ potes arte capi.
Ʋtque saginatus reserato carcere Taurus,
Obvia cum fuerit crebra Juvenca, salit;
Seu velut in luxum praeceps fuit ifte Caballus,
Qui Matrem passim fertur amâsse meam;
Sic pariter totum spirant mea corda Pryapum,
Seu mihi per somnum (pulchra puella) subis;
Sic mea turgescunt aliter languentia membra,
Seu mihi per mediam tu subis (Alma) diem.
Quum fato fungar, sic sic lascivia vitam
Auferat; ah placuit sic mihi saepe mori.
Nec pudibunda nimis metuas ab amante procari,
Famellas novi saepe fuisse procos.
Pulchra Laertiaden iterumque iterúmque Calypso
Heu precibus cassis usque manere rogat.
Dardanium juvenem sitiebat Punica Dido;
Cynthia cum labiis Endymiona petit.
Et licèt agrestem (modò vati credis) Adonin
Idaliam dicunt saepe procâsse Deam.
Quanta sit Idalia expendas, & Cynthia quanta,
Sunt utraeque Deae; fac imetêre Deas.
Tu tamen haud procus es, velut hae; sed & ipsa procaris.
Solus ago, solùm tu patiâre velim.
Sis procul à fastu, neve assimilêre Sabinis;
At faciles aures tu perhibere velis.
Quid si vel nasus, vel frons mihi desit eburnea?
Murice nec Tyrio subrubuêre genae?
Est color incertus, ne tu confide colori;
Decipitur pulchro Graia puella viro.
Pelle licèt tenebrae dominantur, Lux tamen intus;
Vileo si membris, splendeo mente tenus.
Quid licèt harmonico careant mea membra tenore?
Et male concinnus quilibet artus erit?
At Caro pinguescit, mihi sunt & mollia crura;
Suraque suppetiit semivieta mihi.
Squalidus est oculo, digitis arridet obesus;
Quod formâ minus est, hoc mihi supplet adeps.
Millibus ex multis (experto crede) puellis,
Gaudia quae mihi fert plurima, pinguis erat.
Hoc est in causâ, quod nunc (uxore relictâ)
Nostri festinant ad tua rura pedes.
Nempe voluptatis nihilum mihi frigida conjux
Suppeditat, penè est iste senilis ager.
Mandamus tritis semen sine foenore sulcis;
Nullaque tondetur falcibus inde seges.
Sed tuus (ô utinam!) pariat mihi gramina Campus,
Viderunt agri vix tria lustra Tui.
Aetas non unquam retrò retro-acta vocatur;
Florem, dum florem, Carpo (Corinna) tuum.
Qua [...]docunque tamen nos conveniemus in unum,
Corpore molliculo fac sine Teste fruar.
Non quasi castratus spado, sic sine Testibus essem,
Sed quia lascivum nolo patere torum.
Secretísque jocis fac alta sllentia praestes;
Quum placidum nobis hoc peragetur opus.
Nam non Privatus, sed jam Res publica fio;
Et mihi vel Coecus quilibet, Argus erit.
Aptius idcirco cùm prima crepuscula lucent,
Ad lectum veniam (blanda Corinna) tuum.
Et mihi furtivos aditus transenna fenestrae
Astruet, à dextra quà patet uda palus.
Nuper enim cùm nocte toro convenimus illo,
Infidae (memini) ter crepuêre fores.
Tunc indoctus eram, nunc usu promptior exto;
Et magis assiduè jam taciturnus ero.
Neve tuus videat Genitor, Custodibus (etsi
Carceris insontem) Parliamenta dàbunt.
Mutuò tunc nobis aderit satis ampla voluptas;
Qua quoad eveniat, (Diva Corinna) Vale.

The ANSWER.

WHat, Latin Sir? why there is no man
That e're thought you an English Roman.
Your father horse could teach you none,
Nor was it e're your mother tongue.
Your education too assures
Me, that your Poëm is not yours.
Besides, I thought you did detest
The language of the Latine beast.
But now your impudence I see
Did hereby shew it's modesty.
Each syllable would blush, you thought,
If it had beene plaine English taught.
And that your foule debauched stuffe
Might doe its errant fast enough,
Forsooth your wisedome thought it meet
That words might runne, to give 'me feet.
Pardon me, Sir; I me none of those
That love Love-Verse, give me your Prose.
I wish each Verse to make delay,
Had turn'd lame Scazon by the way.
I read a Hell in every line
Of your polluted fescennine.
Your Verses stunck; to keepe 'em sweet
You should have put socks on their feet.
And that the Answer which I shall
Now write, may be methodicall.
Ile briefly make ('tis not amisse)
An Anacephalaeosis.
And first I look't for Nestor, when
Meere Cupid trickl'd from your pen.
Who was your father, you make proofe
By your Coult's tooth, though not your hoofe.
She that was great with you, you hold
Did not lye in, but was with fold.
I wonder one so old, so grave,
Should yet such youth, such lightnesse have.
Of the five Members, you alone
Shall be esteem'd the Privy one.
Who (like the Gnosticks) preach; your Text
Increase and multiply; and next
Convincing Doctrines you deduce,
Put out the lights, and so make Ʋse.
You say I am a maid exceeding
Apt to be taught by you good breeding.
But where there's breeding, it is said,
There's none, unlesse a broken maid.
Turne Papist (stallion,) they'le dispense
With whoredome by an Indulgence.
Turne Fryar, that thou mayst be free
At once with a whole Nunnery.
There 'twill be vertue to ride on
The Purple Whore of Babylon.
Thou mayst as soone be Turke, as King;
And that, ô that's the Tempting thing.
Then thou mayst glut thy appetite
With a Seraglio of delight.
I am no Proserpine, that thus
I should desire an Incubus.
But you must Vote (if me you'le winne)
No Fornication to be Sinne.
You say the House takes it not well,
The King 'gainst Rebels should rebell;
And that's the reason why you stand
To be Dictator of the Land.
Which mov'd me to a mighty toyle
Of getting Vardigrease and Oyle;
'Cause such Itch Med'cine is a thing
That's fittest to annoint you King.
You say youl'd undergoe and doe
Wonders, would I undergoe you.
For my sake you would Cobler play,
Your Trade should be to underlay.
For me you'de spend your chiefest bloud;
Pray spend it on the Sisterhood.
You wish to die in those great fights
Of Venus, where each wound delights.
And should I once to Heav'en take wing,
You'ld follow me though in a string.
Thanke you (good Sir) it is our will
You your last promise doe fulfill.
There's nothing spoke that pleaseth us
Like your [In funes sedulus.]
Next come those idle twittle twats,
Which call me many God-know's what's:
As hallow'd, beautifull, and faire,
Supple, and kinde, and Debonaire.
You talke of women that did wooe;
When I am mad, I'le doe so too.
Then that my father may not spie
The couplëing of you and I,
He shall be guiltlesly detected
As a true Subject, ill-affected:
And so the Protestant shall lye
In Gaole for feare of Popery.
[From hence it is that every Towne
Almost is now a Prison growne,
Where Loyalty lyes fetter'd; then
You doe commit more Sinnes, then Men.]
But those your words I have thought best
Should punish't be, by being press't.
And that this body Politick
May then be well, which lye's now sick;
May the Greeke Π, that fatall Tree.
This Spring beare all such fruit as thee.
FINIS.

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