DEar Friend, O how I am over­joy'd to see thee in such good health; and that which is of greater importance, altogether lively and well dispos'd; but what novelty mov'd you, what motive did drive you into these parts? what curiosity obliged you to my Quarters, now the season is so excessive [...]ot, to the great hazzard of your person?

Truly, if ever I had reason to pay you my devoir, I judge I ought to do it now; for at this present, I do not only satisfie my own self, but give the world to understand how I esteem your Friendship.

Soft and fair a little; let us in part wave these ceremonies, least we make the Court laugh at us; for to deal cordial­ly with you as a friend, they will all flout at us, if we our selves use those ceremo­nies, which we discommend in other per­sons. Speak freely, you have somewhat to say to me, is not that true? Do not con­ceal your thoughts from me, let me un­derstand them exactly.

I confess my self overcome, and therefore I declare sincerely to you, that a desire of being satisfied in mind, and not superficial complements, forced me with such speed to visit you at your habita­tion.

Assure your self, that as soon as I saw you set your foot within the door, I did imagine you were discontented in mind▪ and I'le lay what you will, that I know th [...] cause of all this.

I'le lay no wager, 'tis beneath a Roma [...] spirit; and you would win as surely, as ti [...] certain few of the Popes Subjects are sav'd▪ [Page 53]I come hither to be inform'd by you of the state of the interests of our Curtezans, and of the issue of their Conclave, held with such exquisite order, and great diligence, endeavouring to get the knack of molding a Pope of their own fashion.

Very well, the mind then of the Roman is lost and not gain'd by me; for I beleev'd as an article of my Creed (but such a Creed as is chewed in Rome) that it was a business of greater importance then what you relate.

Of greater importance? you drol with me: there is no other discourse at Court but of this Curtezan Conclave.

I know it; but we ought to have an eye upon more substantial and profound matters then these.

More substantial, I grant you, but more profound, I deny: Because when we speak of the Whores of Rome, the discourse is of a most profound thing; they being more unfathomable then the Sea; insomuch that the most subtile Theo­logians, that from time to time fish for their Science in this Ocean, cannot find out the bottom with the help of all their Theo­logical matter: Well, 'tis true that at present, the Whores of Rome are not con­siderable[Page 54]now a days, but for their profun­dity, whilst one good pound of a villain­ous Bull-Galf is judg'd more substantial for a Roman, and for the preservation of the health of the Court of Rome, then twen­ty of the best young Heifers. But to say true, in my opinion, to discourse of the Curtezans of Rome, is a subject substantial enough; since they are full (though there be always a place empty, which the more it is replenished the emptier it grows) of the Substance both of the one and other; par­ticularly of Ecclesiastical substance, which nourisheth the most; besides, they neither do despise the forreign substance of almost all the Nations of the world; insomuch that now Strangers come to Rome from all parts of the world, to go to Whores: Therefore you must not be offended with me, nor upbraid me with this, that we must level at more substantial and pro­found matters, since that the Curtezans of this our City are the most profound and substantial things perhaps of the whole world.

Be it as you please, I grant you all you can desire, because 'tis in my own house, where it would not argue good breeding to enter into disputes with those[Page 55]that visit me. I shall only tell you, that this depth and substance that is in the Cur­tezans, would be worthy our entertain­ment, if we could find out nothing more substantial, nor profound; which by ma­ny degrees goes beyond all other substance and depth that ever was known.

I am curious to know what thing you think there is in Rome, that hath a grea­ter depth than Whoredome.

What thing? The Nephew-ship, that is a Gulph, an abyss, a Sea, a Hell; A Hell that the more damn'd spirits it re­ceives into its embraces, it burns with the greater desire of having more: A Sea that swallows up of its self the Merchan­dizes procur'd by rapine from Sea-men, by its proud swelling tempests. An Abyss, that admits you not to see those that once throw themselves into it; it is a Gulf that strikes terror in all that look upon it. Two lazy Franciscans with chiopins are suffici­ently able of themselves to fill the belly of the greatest Whore in the world, and the better if they meet with those that have the Keys of the Stores at command; these grow as fat as Swine with Acorns; but to fill up this verago and deep Abyss of the Nephew-ship, neither Kingdoms, Pro­vinces,[Page 56]States, People, Seculars, Regu­lars, the Earth, Heaven, Church, nor the whole world are sufficient. What com­parison can be made between the depth of a poor Curtezan, and the gulf of Nepo­tism? The depth of such a Lady swallows up with sweetness, and the gulf of Nepo­tism with bitterness: The gulf of a Cur­tezan seeks nothing but what is voluntary brought to her; and the vorago of Nepo­tism obligeth and constrains all persons to bring Grist to their Mill. In fine, he that buries what he hath in the Sea of a Whore; he hath a kind of a prerogative to return thither to fish again; but he that loseth his substance in the Abyss of the Nephew­ship, loseth all hope of ever recovering it.

You will acquaint me with so much, that I shall grant what ever you say. But how do you understand it of the sub­stance of the Nephewship?

The substance of the Nephewship is infinite; so that speaking of this you mention the most substantial thing in the whole Universs; and in effect, the Ne­phewship is nothing but a Quintessence distill'd in the Limbeck of the Church, from a great deal of wealth violently taken[Page 57]both from the one and the other. The substance of Curtezans is made up of one sole species, they drawing that small wealth they have either out of the purse of some desolate Youth, or some inamour'd old Dotard: But the wealth of the Popes Ne­phews is of such several kinds, that it is impossible to know the form of it. For the Nephews rob day and night, both Men and Women, Citizens and Strangers, Priests and Friars, Married men and Vir­gins; those that are innocent, and those that are guilty, small and great; and to conclude, do not spare a whit the Altars themselves. Nay, I'le go farther, there is some of the Curtezans wealth that helps to make up that of the Nephewship; but in that of the Curtezan, not one farthing of the Nephewships substance. And the rea­son is, because the Popes Nephews go to Whores without paying any money for the use of their Bodies, whereas the Whores must pay the Nephews, that they may have liberty granted to return the whole for a small matter. See, this is the kind of substance that these goodly Nephews en­joy.

Then you believ'd that I came to discourse with you about the Nephewship, did not you?

Without doubt; and do not you know that the City, Court, nay, the whole Universs, believes it! There is not a Scullion in Rome, that did not imagine when he saw us together that we did con­fer about the state and condition of the Nephewship: And because the very name of the Nephews (thanks to their unwor­thy actions) is now become odious to Heaven and Earth, the Gentry and Plebei­ans, therefore is our discourse thought to be altogether imploy'd in the censuring those villainous actions of the most wick­ed Nephews; and the evil proceedings of the Nephews of the most sanctified Popes.

We have discours'd so much of this subject, that I think there can be no­thing more added.

Dear Brother, you deceive your self; for if the Nephewship goes on ad in­finitum, as well in robbing as multiplying constantly the number of their Relations, multiplicity of words will encrease there­upon; and there cannot be found so licen­tious a tongue as will be able to publish the tyrannies that these Reigning Nephews exercise, not only against the miserable people of Rome, but also against the whole flock of Christ; to whose prejudice they[Page 63]transform themselves into ravening wolves: Nor can there be so tenacious a memory, as to retain those many knavish tricks, ex­tortions, contempts, torments and laziness, that such a number of Nephews do fill Rome withal.

In my judgment we should all be silent, now that this evil is, inevitable. Those miseries are complain'd of, that can be redressed; but in this case where there is no remedy, prudence requires, we shew either our patience in suffering those evils, or scorn in despising them, or a counter­feit humour in dissembling them. Whilst Rome is Rome; that is, as long as Rome is under the Pope, you must expect to see none but Harpyes in the Church, and Horse­leeches in the State Ecclesiastick: Harpyes to devour and consume the substance of the Subjects; and Horsleeches to suck the blood of all the faithful, even the very in­ward bowels that lie most conceal'd.

But what would you have men leave off talking, when the Nephews will not leave off doing of mischief? A fine business indeed, that the party offended shall be sooner wearied with speaking, then the offender with evil doing? That the people of Rome shall make an end of [Page 60]talking, and yet the Nephews not leave off assassinating? That the Nephews have more liberty to rob in Rome, then Rome, to speak in the world. The miserable state of the Church would grieve to see this single tyranny; that is, to see her own mouth stopt, and the devouring Bog of the Nephewship evermore open to their damage: Which you have very well bap­tis'd, by comparing them to the Horsleech, and calling them Harpyes. But I would have you know, that that so trivial and common Proverb, viz. like will to like, is most of all verified in the Popes Ne­phews, they being by natural instinct, which the Vatican communicates unto them (if it be the Vatican, which I am not very certain of; since some that esteem'd themselves Saints in their own Apartments as soon as they went into the Vatican be­came Devils) Harpyes and Horsleeches, who cannot converse with others then Blood-suckers and Harpyes, with whom they agree most naturally.

As for my own part I was ever of this perswasion, that there were no Har­pyes or Blood-suckers, but the Popes Ne­phews.

Ah Sir, you know the contrary ve­ry well, but you will not relate it: Why, are not the Genoeses, who come most of them to Rome laden with Jewish Usury. Horpyes? And the Florentines and Sene­ses, that forsake Tuscany to bring their Fa­bian Buttocks into the Court of Rome,; are not they Blood-suckers? And the Lucche­ses, that abandon the liberty of their own Republick, to render themselves Vassals to their Nephewships of Rome; are not they both Harpyes and Blood-suckers? Now who do these Nephews trade with, but a few of such rascally Fellows? On whom do they confer the principal places of Of­fice and Government, but Genoeses, Seneses and Luccheses?

Really Countrey-man, you are in the right, and I wish your words were so prevalent as to penetrate the minds of the Nephews; but in my opinion it were bet­ter to hold your peace, now that the Popes Nephews, who have rendred themselves the Tyrants of Rome for these two Ages hitherto, have sworn to do all things con­trary to what the Romans pretend: And experience makes it sufficiently manifest, because they hear daily clamours, that they should have regard to the proper Sub­jects [Page 58]of the State, to whom, in reason, the most eminent Offices and Dignities of the Church did belong. But the tyrannical Nephews laughing at such lamentations, have not only made it their endeavour to introduce thousands of Strangers into the most famous places of Judicature, dis­posing of the most eminent Dignities to them; but have also taken away, and vio­lently depriv'd the Citizens of those Of­fices which they enjoy'd for the space of five Ages and better, enriching the Lucche­ses, Seneses and Genoeses therewith, who, in effect, are not unlike Harpyes, as you say; they having by their extortion and merchan­dises so impoverished this miserable State, by exporting the most staple Commodities, with an assured hope that they shall never return to them again, that it is become the most poor, unpeopled and unhappy of all other States in the World: And will still grow worse and worse; because these ras­cally Genoeses, Luccheses and Seneses, have made oath to leave nothing but wooden Gibbets in Rome; to the end, that they may crucifie the Romans both in Body and E­state. If other Nations should rob this most unfortunate State, there might one day be some reparation expected. But[Page 59]the Luccheses, Seneses and Genoeses, when they steal from others, swear they will think of any other thing but restitution; and indeed if Lucca would restore, what her Citizens have taken from Rome, She must necessarily give the Romans her whole Republick: The same thing must the Sene­ses do also, or at least pawn the very shirts off of their backs, and being thus naked, enter into a Nunnery to do penance.

Soft a little, how you mistake? You would say in a Convent of Capuchins, not a Nunnery.

I do not erre at all; I say they must do pennance with Nuns; and I would have you understand, that the Seneses, could not be more mortified with any thing, then to see themselves depriv'd of practi­sing with their Ingles, and be constrain'd to co-habit with a Sex so much an enemy to their filthy inclinations: Besides, all the Beards in Sueden, much less those of the Capuchins, would not be sufficient to satis­fie the unbridled lust of the Senesian Sodo­mites: But this ardent desire would of it self extinguish at the sight of that which inflames it; and it is most certain, that I would sooner trust one of Sienna with a naked Virgin, then a cloath'd Capuchin:[Page 64]and of this opinion are all the Curtezans of Rome.

You are in the right, Sir. I had forgot it; for I know it as perfectly as my A. B. C. Go on with your discourse.

The Genoeses, who believe that re­stitution is an abuse introduced among Christians, will never go about to restore either in the whole, or in part, what they have rob'd Rome of; because they had ra­ther be taken notice of as rich Jews, then poor Christians; therefore it is in vain to hope that ever the Genoese will so much as think of the restitution of so many Milli­ons as they have stollen from the State Ec­clesiastick. This in truth is one of the great­est troubles that hath afflicted my mind; that is, to see such a brood of people sack Rome with greater impiety, then the Sol­diers of Charles the Fifth did in the time of Clement the Seventh, and to carry away the spoils to enrich Siena, Lucca and Genoa; the Geneoses, Luccheses and Seneses, ha­ving spent more study and time in raking into the very bowels of the Church to car­ry away her most precious substance, then ever the Venetians did to enrich Christen­dom with the spoils of Infidels. Hereto­fore the Jews stood in awe of the Romans,[Page 65]expecting every hour that they would pos­ses themselves of Judea; and now, the poor Romans fear three Nations, the Sene­ses, Luccheses and Genoeses, that are found at Rome in such vast multitudes, with no other design but to unbowel her,; like Jews under the New Testament, to flat­ter their own Countrey with the spoils ta­ken from the Church, not from Christi­ans only. However, though the Popes Ne­phews, that come from this place and that place, rob without any regard to Re­ligion, yet their Larcenies do often remain in the very bosom of Rome, whence the Romans hope to draw some comfort.

Great comfort indeed, that poor beggerly hungry dogs, and those Stran­gers too, that come to gather the Church spoils of so many Kingdoms, to reduce the natural Citizens to beggery and mise­ry, and the whole body of the Roman Nobility, to the Vassalages of a few ras­cally Upstarts. O how much better had it been for Constantine to have left Rome to the Empire, then to give the Empire of Rome to the Popes; that must afterward deprive themselves of all to bestow gifts upon their Nephews; and which is worse, such Nephews as are fitter far to serve as[Page 66]Sextons to the Temple, then to command the Church as Princes! If the Popes Ne­phews were capable of governing the Em­pire with honour, we might bear with it; but the Devil himself would burst with rage to see the Parasites themselves fall in­to the greatest absurdities imaginable: The Romans only complain, and yet the Church hath its share; but in those sor­did actions, quite void of reason and judgment, which they commit, by endea­vouring to command Princes, not the Ro­mans only, and the Church extreamly suffers thereby, but farther, the Princes of the world being prejudiced thereby, are greatly obliged in point of policy to inte­rest themselves; I will not say with the Church or Pope, but his Nephews, that sell and give, ad libitum, the Church, the Pope, the People, Kingdoms, Offices and Dignities, having all sworn never to devi­ate from the natural instinct of the Ne­phewship; which is to manage every thing in despite of Church and Princes.

I tell you I am not come hither to treat of such vulgar and common things; about which even in the very Coblers stalls there are night and day long discourses, that choak up the air it self, insomuch that [Page 67]they leave a greater stench in those places, then the filth that is in the old Shoes they mend.

You understand it, and I you, let us then discourse of things that more par­ticularly concern you.

And what things are those that concern you most, and are more particu­lar at present?

The death of the Pope, is not that a subject worthy to be celebrated by us with joy and triumph, and for us to make large reflections upon? O God! and what greater happiness could ever hap­pen to our City, as also to the state Eccle­siastick, nay, the whole world, then to see her self freed from those chains, where­with she hath been shackled for the space of eleven years? All the people did re­joyce at the entrance of Alexander the Great into the City, because he entred to give freedom to the Citizens, peace to the People, plenty of food and honour to Fa­milies: But when they saw him afterwards dead, they gave themselves over to grief, and shed rivers of tears, being assur'd they should lose that in his death, which they gain'd in his life. On the contrary, we poor Romans, because that Alexander [Page 68]gave us, during his whole life, sufficient cause of weeping, taking no other thought in the whole course of his Pontificature, but to afflict the Citizens, lay heavy bur­thens on the People, impoverish Families, and to bring scarcity in the State: For this reason we are oblig'd to rejoyce in his death, that gave us such cause of sorrow in his life. Even now we may believe the people of Rome to be belov'd of God, now that he hath deliver'd her from the slavery of this Pharaoh of the Christians: And if the Jews had their Chains taken off in the month of May; the Chains also of the Chigi ought to be broken off of the hands of Christians even at the same time, it may be on the same day, that the world may see the Christians are no less protected by Christ in the New, then the Jews by God in the Old Testament; with this only diffe­rence, that they passed through the red Sea dry footed, before they came into the Land of Promise; but the Christians, and above all the Romans, are constrain'd to pass through an Ocean of tears, not dry footed, because that the cause of weeping is not remov'd by the death of Alexander; he having left us so many Gabels, that it is probable they may never be taken off, and [Page 69]by consequence we shall be ever oblig'd to shed tears: So that the Jews may be call'd a more happy people being come out of Egypt, then we out of the prison of the Seneses; because we have not our entire freedom, whereas the Jews enjoy'd an ab­solute liberty; yet in truth we ought to rejoyce much more to see Alexander bu­ried in the midst of our Ocean of mise­ries, then the Jews heretofore to see Pha­roah overwhelmed in the Red Sea: For to be plain with you, Alexander did handle the Christians far worse then Pharoah did the Jews of old. But what shall we say of Don Mario, that modern Silla of the Romans? His cruelties are infinite; and though the Devil hath given him leave to survive his Brother, no matter for that, we must not therefore cease our rejoycing; it being a kind of petty death to him, and life to us, that he is put out of the Vati­can, and his government of the Town. Nevertheless, it was but agreeable to rea­son, that as Alexander left his Brother, and all the rascally Chigians for more months in Sienna, whence he leapt into the Popedom, only richly to prepare the Vatican for their nobler reception, that he should now again descend into hell before [Page 70]any of the Chigi's, to prepare Palaces and Apartments, to the end that he might receive those his Brothers and Nephews, according to their merits; and all of them indeed deserve nothing else, but to go to the mansion of Antichrist, since that they have been more impious then Anti­christs in Christendom. We must there­fore hope, that we shall see this City free from that plague, before many months are past, as we have also seen the Vatican rid of those Tyrants. Truly we are oblig'd to Alexander for going to the other world, but we had been far more ingag'd to him, had he taken his journey ten years ago; because then all persons would have be­liev'd, as an article of their Faith, that he had gone to Heaven; whereas now there are some Christians in Rome, that make it a scruple of Conscience to believe, that he is not gone to Hell. Furthermore, the obligation had been doubled, if he had pleas'd to conduct with him, if not the whole House of the Chigi's, yet at least that most excellent Brother of his, who is the Head of the Chigi's, Neck of the Bichi's, Body of the Ciaii, Feet of Siena, and fi­nally a member of the Devil.

Don't you be offended, Dear Bro­ther, that Don Mario had not the trans­fretation over the Stygian Lake at the same time with his most holy Brother; because the Devil, who knew the crimes both of the one and the other, would not hazard Charon's Bark through the tempestuous waves of the Stygian water, fearing least he should sink himself by the way, by rea­son of the great weight of the sins of these two Brethren, and so Hell should happen to lose two such happy Victims. There­fore we must believe that Lucifers com­mand was, that Alexander should be first conducted thither, and then Don Mario should be snatched away, because it will be requisit to build a new Boat on purpose to waft over so large a body, laden with so many rapines.

You think not amiss; but for my own particular, I do now imagine with my self, that this is one of the intrigues of Alexanders policy, desiring to make himself known to be a great Polititian at the end of his Papacy, as he did seem to be at the beginning; when he understood so well how to deceive the World and the Church, Christendom and Rome, feigning himself averss to the promotion of his Re­lations,[Page 72]so that every one believ'd him to be pious, and disinteressed with his blood; and at his end he did pretend he would have this also to be understood in the other world, to encrease his glory, if he had gone to heaven, according to his de­sire, or abate his torment, when ever the misfortune should befall him to go to hell, which he did not believe.

On the contrary, if he had been an able Politician, he had taken Don Mario along with him, because the Devils would have yielded in all things, and all manner of wayes to the train of his Infernal Ex­cellency, and so had let the poor Pope go shift for himself in Purgatory.

The Devils would not have been so foolish to lose such a prey, which they have for so long a time been in chase of. I would have you understand, that the dam­nation of Alexander (if so be that he is damn'd, as we ought religiously to be­lieve) had no other rise, but the force of diabolick temptations; for whilst he liv'd without delivering up himself into the hands of those that use to tempt the Popes, he wrought none but wonders, miracles, and holy works; but the Devil no sooner began to possess himself of his heart, but[Page 73]he became a Judas to the Church, an Is­cariot to the People, a Jew to the Romans, and a Pilat to all Christendom.

But how can the Devils enter in­to the heart of the Pope, if it be the resi­dence of the holy Ghost?

Are you also one of the Disciples to those false Divines, that bestow the ho­ly Ghost upon the Pope by weight and measure. Those Tales that the Pope is guided by the holy Ghost, are Theologi­cal inventions to blind the eyes of the faithful, to the end that they should not be offended with the actions of such Popes that are Wolves and not Shepherds, that fleece the Flock of Christ, but do not go­vern it; that hold the knife in their hand like Butchers, and not the pastoral rod like Pastors; and in truth there are none but a few beggarly Whores; some mendi­cant Fellow-friars; and peradventure some kind of novice of the Capuchins order, that believe the Popes directed by the holy Ghost: As for the rest, men of solid judgment smile at all the Theologians write, and give them the liberty to say what they please, whilst they believe what they see; that is, so long as they find in the Pope's a holy way of operation they be­lieve[Page 74]them holy; but when afterwards they discover deeds of darkness in them, they judge them Devils. One of the great­est impieties in Christendom is the Inquisi­tion, which punisheth most tyrannically those poor faithful ones, that mov'd with a scruple of conscience, maintain pub­lickly, either by the hand or tongue, that these Popes are subject to erre, whom they in truth see full of error. God himself by the mouth of his Prophet instructs us, that, Cum sancto sanctus eris, cum perverso perver­teris, ‘"With the holy thou shalt be holy, and with the wicked thou shalt be wicked."’ Yet by all means the most reverend devils of the Inquisition, will have an absolute power, that the faithful shall be holy with the wicked, though in despight of them they do no­thing; therefore we will not say they do worse, because this stopping of the mouth in publick places by menaces, doth so swell the hearts of the most sensible Christians that they endure with great violence the more zealous pens of those Nicodemusses that for fear are forc't to abscond themselves in their most privat Studies, making their Writings fly to the utmost parts of the Earth, where the men are not so credulous [Page 75]as to believe white to be black, and black white. In my opinion it should sa­tisfie the Inquisitors, that the faithful be­lieve the Pope's infallible whilst they do not errr, and are guided by the holy Ghost; whilst they work according to the gifts of the holy Spirit, and conformably to the laws wherewith that blessed Spirit hath furnished the Church.

I would fain know, at what time, you believe that the Devil took possession of the heart of Pope Alexander?

I will tell you forthwith; but first I would give you to understand, that the Pope's cannot pretend to be the true Vicars of Christ, because they are elected by cer­tain Cardinals, that are all of the devil; from whom, as being an enemy to the Church, they cannot expect any thing but wicked inspiration; and withal, if the Electi­on be granted to be good, the Pope that is inaugurated, ought to be acknowledged as a most holy and infallible person by the faithful, until that he delivers himself up to these devils, who oblige him to sin.

And this farther I desire to be satisfied in, having spoken to you concern­ing Alexander in particular, to understand somewhat of the other Pope's in general,[Page 77]now that the calamities of Rome are sub­dued, to see that which is universal made particular.

The Devils that tempt the Popes to sin, are their Nephews, Dear Brother, these make him deviate from the right path, and lead him through mountains and steep places: These blind his eyes, and make him walk in the dark. These are they that tye up his hands, so that he can do nothing for others, because he doth all things for them. These stop his ears, that he cannot hear the cryes of the people. These drive all good thoughts out of his mind, to fill it with those that are bad and wicked. In sum, the Nephews are those that engage the Popes in sin; whence it is, that after they are laden with sins, they go to give an account at the divine Tribunal, for that liberty that they give to the Ne­phews.

To this purpose I remember, that a certain Prelat related a certain dream of his to one of his Confidents in my pre­sence; and I think it is now about three daies ago. The dream was, that he seem'd to see a Pope kneeling at the Foot-stool of the Almighty God, who being examin'd by him why he had govern'd the Church[Page 76]so ill, afflicted the People, and spoiled his Altars. The good Pope all bedewed with tears, answer'd with Adam. Those Nephews (not that woman which served as an excuse to Adam) which thou hast given me, O Lord, have forced me to sin. At which words the Prelat said, that the Almighty made this reply. Thou lyest, for it was not I that gave thee these Nephews, but thou thy self hast introduc'd them into the Vatican of thy own accord.

I also heard another dream told a Priest, yet relating particularly to the Popes; that thought he saw a Pope in Hell disputing with his Nephews; they belshing out against one another the grossest curses and lyes in the world; the poor Pope re­proaching the Nephews for their wicked­ness, and the Nephews the Uncle for his facility. The miserable Uncle said. Ah you, cruel and wicked persons! Ah you Thieves and Devils! You are the persons that were the occasion of my being here: I have gain'd darkness and obscurity, to leave you the splen­dour of gold and silver; I have caus'd my self to be imprison'd in hell, for that liberty which I allowed you in the Vatican. I have chosen for my self the pains of this Abyss, for bestowing too much honour on you in Rome.[Page 78] Therefore, O ye Nephews! he accursed, and let those heaps of gold, silver and riches, that I permitted you to disappropriate from the Church, and steal from the People, be turn'd into everlasting flames, and serpents that may ever war against you. On the other hand the Nephews repli'd. Be you accurs'd we will not say, Uncle, but Enemy; you that have thrown your self into our arms, to cast us in­to the embraces of the Devil; you that have bestow'd so much gold upon us, that it is of no use, but to purchase Hel-flames withal; you that have made us great in the world, to be an­nihilated in Hell: Be you therefore accurs'd, that was the cause of our damnation, and not we of yours, as you affirm; for we did not call you from the Vatican, where you were, to come and dwell with us; but you invited us from our own habitation, where we did reside, to give us possession of the Vatican. These are but dreams, yet experience hath shewn us many things of the like nature that are true; and really we have seen too many holy Popes before they suffered the Nephews to sway, who after their admission, became absolute Devils. Good God! that the Nephews should corrupt the Uncle, and the Uncle the Nephews, it being a real truth, that the one serves to tempt the [Page 79]other. But now to return to Alexander, I will tell thee, that the Devil that entred into his heart was Don Mario; he having tempted him to commit all the devilish tricks that he was guilty of.

If you should enter too deeply in­to the Hell of the Nephewships and Popes, we should never get out again; I am not come hither to see the Devils Lodgings, but your own self, and therefore I entreat you to alter your discourse, we having sufficiently expatiated on that subject which battens you; all the world knows, that as Swine grow fat with eating Acorns, and wallowing in the most filthy mire, so you nourish your self by turning and wind­ing your discourse concerning the Nephews, and I really believe that their dirty actions have a more stinking savour, then the very filth that fattens Swine; Sir Reverence to the Company, and his Excellency Don Mario.

You deceive your Neighbour and Enemy by this kind of talk, and I plainly see that you will be overcome on all sides: Now then let us speak of that which is sui­table to your humour, suite that you will not condescend to speak of that which agrees with mine. Let us end these argu­ments[Page 80]concerning the Seneses with this fil­thy talk, who value a Civet-box much more then they do a bottle of sweet wash­ing Water. Let us proceed to the Ladies urine, because that will please your hu­mour; wherefore it behooves you to know that our discourse at the beginning con­cerning the Nephews was not amiss, since that all proceedings arise from them, they holding as it were the keys of the Whore­dom of Rome.

Nay, rather of Sodomie, you would say, if I mistake not; for they will not enter any but certain straight gates, which are more suitable to the Palace of the Vatican; and that is the reason so ma­ny Ganimeds are found at Court, and so few Nephews in the Bawdy-house; The Lordly Nephews fancying those viands that are exchanged for Ecclesiastical Bene­fices, not such drinks as are purchas'd with the expence of ready money. The Popes Nephews are not such Mammalucks, to spend their money in going to a Whore, with the danger of losing that neutrality which they ought to maintain with Prin­ces Crowns, shewing themselves too much interessed with the French party; it being now adays a common thing in Rome, that[Page 81]he that exerciseth himself with the Ro­man Curtezans, though he be a Spaniard by birth, and an Italian by practice; not­withstanding all this, he becomes a French man both in blood and constitution, in a small time.

That policy of neutrality the Ne­phews sufficiently observe; because they impose Taxes upon the Whores, forcing them to pay even for the very confession of their own sins; and with the filthy gain they draw from thence, they make Semi­naries of Ingles; and that which is more to be admir'd is, that they give the people to understand this is done out of a meer act of charity; as if it were a pious thing to leave the high way of Christianity, and follow the Spherrical way of the Turk. some persons believe, that is, such as are more curious in the observation of the ex­perience of things, that this custom was brought into Rome, together with the Ne­phewship,; yet however, 'tis reported, that it never had such a vogue before, as it had when the Seneses had the command of the Vatican; which is the reason that now the poor Whores are weary of their very lives, to see the bread taken out of their mouths, and have a custom introduc'd, to[Page 82]eat no other bread but what is made of corn grinded in a Wind-mill, slighting the flower that is made in a Water-mill as an inconsiderable thing; they are resolv'd with themselves to make use of the opportuni­ty, whilst the Chair is vacant, to promote their own advantage, and endeavour to in­troduce a custom of choosing a Pope after their own mode, and to their own fancy.

I have now understood many par­ticulars in this business; which tend to no other end but to stir up a desire in me of knowing every the smallest punctilio; so that you by acquainting me with what you know, and I you with what I apprehend, we shall mutually satisfie one another; by our arguing, for the future upon those matters which deserve most to be publish­ed, as we think convenient.

The subject in truth is very pro­per to raise an argument; it being a novel­ty, and never heretofore heard of, that the Whores do pretend to have a share in the Election of the Pope; and that which increaseth the wonder is, that their pre­tenses are not so vain and airy, as they seem to be, for they appear to me as grounded upon the solid basis of reason.

O, I can by no means entertain[Page 83]this in my thoughts; I ever took all that to be a kind of Curtezan-like liberty, and a thing rather ridiculous then substantial: And indeed to speak rationally what (a Devil) have the Curtezans to do with the Election of the Pope?

And to answer you in reason, what (a Devil) hath the Pope to do to draw so much money from the Whores, for the maintainance of his Nephews pride? To oblige the Whores to give great store of contribution-money, to force them to pay so many Gabels and Taxes; this is nothing else but a permission for them to sin after their own mode; to sell their own flesh at cheaper rates, then that which is vended at the Shambles, and to leave no stone un­turn'd, to make even those great ravenous birds of prey; the Friars to be taken by the lime-twigs, and when they are once catch't, they leave all their feathers be­hind them, and some of them break their necks by struggling to get their liberty. Now this Theologian will say, that is no less sin to grant the Whores the power of choosing the Pope, then the Pope liberty to oblige the Whores to play the Whores, to pay off those Taxes which the Nephews impose upon their way of Livelyhood?[Page 84]The reason which mov'd the Whores to such pretences are many. First, the Cur­tezans say, why shall not we choose that Pope, that must be maintain'd by us? Why should not we pay money to one that is elected to please anothers humour? Why should others set up a Pope, and we empty our own purses to fill his coffers? We do not refuse the payment of those contri­butions that are laid upon us, but very well may we deny him to be our Pope, who is not ours.

If they are furnished with no bet­ter reasons then these, they will never bring their pretended desi [...] of having power to elect a Pope, to a period.

These are in a manner inconside­rable, they have a far greater number; but the business is this, in Rome it is not rea­son, but the interests of those that are the most powerful, that prevail in the Popes Election. Wherefore if it were granted, that the Whores should be ad­mitted into the Conclave, and have a free vote as well as the Cardinals, in the crea­tion of the Pope, they would do no good, because the Ingles, who are more esteem'd, would procure all the votes in favour of them, and so would set up a Pope accor­ding[Page 85]to their own fancy, in despight of all the Whores, not in Rome only, but the whole world.

Don't you know that the sin of Sodomie makes not such an noise in the world as that of Wenching? which is the reason that the most conselentious Pre­lats, and those Cardinals, that are the near­est pretenders to the Papacy, turn away their face when they spy a pretty little poor Whore go to Mass, or a most excellent Curtezan to ride for her recreation in some Ambassadours Coach, as if they saw the devil with his horns, crossing themselves often times with the left hand, and yet af­terwards take a pride in spending whole dayes, and the greater part of the night in their Chamber, with some little Sodomi­tical Boy or filthy Ingle: And what is the reason? Because that as soon as the Whores of Rome do but once touch the Pontificial Glove of any Prelat, they grow so proud, that the Roman Lords can scarce have the honour to touch their Toe; and so much the worse if it be a Cardinal; then they go about to every Bawdy-house proudly mounted on their Chioapins; boasting that they serv'd as a Mare to his most illustrious Lordship, and as an Hack­ney [Page 86]to his Eminencie: For in truth it is the nature of a Whore to discover all she does; and the Boy's to keep secret what­ever is done to him; therefore, the Pre­lats and Cardinals to preserve the reputati­on of the Purple and Episcopal Robe, think it well done to slight the Ladies, that they may avoid all occasion of scandal to Christians, and spend their time with So­domitical Boy's, with whose friendship being a long time acquainted, serves for a use of edification to the Court; now the major part of the Courtiers lick their fin­gers ends, and take no notice of it.

If they would be content, the one with the Bull-calf, the other with the Cow, the thing would be more tolerable; but in Rome they steer another course; whilst they that diet themselves with the ordina­ry food of the Bull-calf, do not altoge­ther refrain from taking some small mor­sels of the Cow, which serves as sauce the better to sharpen the appetite to have their belly full of bulling; and they who feed ordinarily on the Cows flesh, will for all that, like women, with child, sometimes satisfie their longing, that the Infant in the womb may have no mark of the Bull-calf. 'Tis true, that these devout Arseworms, do[Page 87]like him, that said the Liver was not flesh; wherefore he did eat flesh on the Thurs­day, liver on the Friday, without any scruple of conscience. The Hereticks spend the leisure time of the day in murmuring at the Courts proceedings in this business; and there are thousands who have been just upon the point of forsaking heresie, and becoming good Catholicks, that after­wards were diverted from those holy thoughts, by seeing Bull-beef sold, as it were in a market among the Roman Prelats; and in truth that kind of victuals is had in so high esteem at Rome, that even the greatest Courtiers call it, the Cardinals bit; which is no other then a hellish kind of food that deserves to be burn't in the fire, and reduc'd to ashes, that so by this means it may be absolutely forgotten. Nature hath distributed things according to natu­ral order, so that the destroying that order is no other then to bid a Turd in Natures teeth, and consequently to transform ones self into an animate beast. In sum, the sin of Sodomie is a contagious vice that hath infected the Roman Court; insomuch that all Christendom resents it, because the ex­amples of Superiours are imitated by In­feriors; and it is a common maxim, the head[Page 88]being once corrupted, all the members are likewise. To redress these disorders, it is necessary we should introduce the Custom of permitting Curtezans to make choise of the Pope; because if they should once get a Pope of their own side, they would methodically lay down those neces­sary rules that are for the good govern­ment of humane frailty, and all those Pages, and little Pages, Abbats, and little Abbats, Lords, and little Lords, whose will is their law; Prelats, and little Pre­lats, Cardinals, and little Cardinals, Popes, and little Popes, would be banished the Court: It being a thing confirm'd by long experience, that they which bear the Bass in the Chamber, can also carry the Treble in Councils, Congregations and Consisto­ries. The golden age would be again re­turn'd in Rome, if the gold could be pro­cur'd out of the hands of those Youths that profane it, and left to the disposal of those good Curtezans, who supply the necessi­ties of the Apostolick Chamber, and who voluntarily contribute to the management of the Christian war against the Turk. Who will not say, that it is more conveni­ent to give the Papacy to these Ladies that give to the Pope, rather than to those[Page 89]Ingles that spoil both Pope and Popedom. Two things make me desire to see the Custom of choosing a Pope by the Curte­zans in their Conclave introduced. First, to take away that filthy stench out of the nostrils of those strangers that go to Rome, and cannot endure to see so many Ingles in the habit of Clergy-men, with their Cod-piece points untied in every corner of the City, and such a number of Clergy-men that smell so rankly of Sodomie. The second is, that we may not see so much ordure made into Comfits, with most pre­cious sweat of the most eminent offices of the Church: Since that the now most sacred Dignities instituted to serve for ornament, to the Ecclesiastical Order, serve for Sugar to make Confections withal: Now that I have said it once, there needs no further repetition. All these things will be re­dress'd, if the Curtezans can but at any time get the possession of the Vatican: These, these are they that must redress this evil; that is, become natural to the Court, scandalous to Hereticks, dreadful to Ca­tholicks, and terrible to the whole world. These, these must necessarily regain the Prelats their reputation, the Cardinals their liberty, the Vatican its honour, and[Page 90]the City her ornament: These, these are the persons that will remove that scandal that is all up and down the world; by chasing away all those Commanders from the Court that are too haughty in their government, the reward of their obedience to the Nephewship with too low a genu­flection: These, these are they that will root out of the earth that common belief that is generally held of Rome, and will make it appear that the Pope keeps his Chair in a Christian Rome, and not a Tur­kish Sodom.

I am also sometimes yet of that perswasion, having made no mean reflecti­ons on a matter of so great importance; but since that, persons of mature judge­ment have put me out of these thoughts; for to acquaint you with things as they are, or at least as they ought to be, if at any time our little Whores and Wenches should gain the command of the Vatican, they would play the Devil, nay, do worse, with their fond impertient discourses, their Loves and Lovers, and would study a hun­dred subtilties and stratagems to entertain the Court sometimes in one House, some­times in another, at Fasts, Recreations, and with Musick, and keeping an open[Page 91]House, would treat them with all sorts of viands, whether boil'd or rosted; be­sides, being persons naturally minding their own Interests, they would even deprive the Pope of his Robes, and the Cardinals of their Purple, to furnish their own Cham­bers with Tapestry; to the end, that that reddish colour might incite him the more to suffer the martyrdom of turning his back, who loves not to see the face.

Would to God that it would once come to pass that the Pope should have his Robes token off his shoulders, and the Cardinals the Purple off their backs; be­cause then the people would in some mea­sure find a way to be comforted, seeing those Governours that describe them, dis­robed by others; for the Curtezans will never be able by their caressing the Pope, to deprive him of the thousandth part of what he by violence robs the people. To believe that the Concubines, can, by their joynt interests, bring more damage to the publick Treasury, then those thousands of Boys do, that suck the blood of the Vati­can, is but an erroneous faith; because there is no comparison to be made between the damage that is done to the Court by the Ladies, who for the most part have [Page 92]their eyes looking up towards Heaven, and those silly Boys, who, like the seed of the Devil, incline themselves alwayes to kiss the Earth; the confideration of the num­ber of them is sufficient to prove this; the number of the Sodomitical Boys in the Court exceeding infinitly that of the Whores, whence we may easily gather that larger expences are requisit to the maintaining a greater, then a smaller num­ber. But if we pry into the business more narrowly, the reason will be found on the Curtezans side. First, a few yards of slight silk, cloth of Gold or Silver, will serve to accoutre these Ladies; but to cover the nakedness of the bare Buttocks of so many Ingles, there must be somewhat else be­sides a few yards of Cloth of Gold or Silk; there is a necessity to take away A­bacies from the Dacary, Offices from the Court, and Curatships from the City, to cloath such a crew of rascally follows; and yet these cursed Citizens of the Sodomiti­cal Brothel House are not satisfied with ready money and cloaths, but will have annual Revenues, and Benefices to them and their Heirs for ever; they judging their profession to be as to the estimate invalu­able; and by this means those Prelats that [Page 93]have planted a thousand good works in Heaven come to be depriv'd of their offices and Dignites, to invest these bare-breech't dogs with them, who never did any thing in their lives, but plant Coleworts in Earth that was never dig'd up. O how much better would it be to leave the Papacy to the discretion of these Ladies that are con­tent with little, than to the licentiousness of those Younglings that grasp at all. Come what will of it, we should never be sensible of so many cryes of the People, tears of the Prelats, and such universal scandals. The Hereticks, who punish with burning that nefandous wickedness that is so sweet in Rome, and the lustful and carnal copula­tion with women, with the whip, impri­sonment, and sometimes with the loss of life: If they were to make choice of a Pope, I am confident they would sooner elect a Stranger than a Sodomite; and I believe there is none but the Devil, that would rather have a Sodomit than a Whore­monger. However I will believe the Popes to be chast, their reins tyed up, and free from all carnal pollution; but what doth all this signifie, if they suffer Brothel-Houses to be in the Court, that for the most part go mask't under the names of Semi­naries?[Page 94]How can the Hereticks, nay, the very Catholicks themselves, imagine that Pope chast, that receives great sums from Bawdy-house Contributions? How can they think him to be innocent, if he hath such daily commerce with sin? How is it possible he should be worshipped as a Saint, if he permits all manner of vices to be uncheck't and unpunished throughout the City, worse then the Devil himself would do? How can he be able to free himself from those accusations that he is taxed with by the faithful, viz. that he keeps off the deserving, and calls those that are most ignorant to the Court, that he exhausteth the puplick Treasury of the Church, and disposeth of Ecclesiastical Dignities to private persons; when the proofs are daily apparent? There are no other persons found going up and down the stairs of the Vatican, but old Sodomitical Boys, some of them go to receive the re­ward of their Sodomitical Sacrifice offered to the Devil for many years; and others coming thither laden with gratuities re­ceiv'd for their great services done to those that take a pride to have their standing-chamber in the Arsehole of Rome. What infamous custom reigns there now in Rome; [Page 95]which hath the paternal benediction of his Holiness? This little Lord, because he hath carried an Abbot on his back, pre­tends that an Abbacie of right belongs to him, and he obtains it: The other reve­rend Chamber-fellow no sooner desires a Bishoprick, but it is granted, because he was Mule to a Prelat; and many of them think they deserve a Cardinals Cap, which they obtain before they demand it; because the acts of humility in those young men in the presence of the Cardinals, is in Rome rewarded with the Purple: as if the Car­dinals Hat were made to cover their heads that bow down to the very ground; to the end that the bowing down of the head ha­ving rais'd the back parts, the head ought also to be rais'd for the bowing of the back-parts. The Pope is the cause of all this, because he does not, or seems not to take notice of it.

You run impertinently from one thing to another, Dear Brother: What need we talk of the Pope if he be dead! We are met here to discourse of the Electi­on of the new Pope; therefore there is no necessity for us to give our judgement of the faults of the dead, nor of those that shall live, which we know not out of what[Page 99]place they will come, I had almost said are born.

Methinks you seem to betray your simplicity. The Pope never dyes, he lives alwaies in spight of the Devil, though he should destroy one every day. The men only dye that carry a resemblance of the Pope, and that have the Popedom at their disposal during life; leaving every thing to his succession when he dies.

If it be so, then we must un­say all that was spoken a little before, that many Popes are damned by their Nephews. How can this be, that they can live al­waies, and yet go to Hell?

If you could not understand me, I cannot help that, if you did not appre­hend my meaning, that was no fault of mine. I do not mean that the Popes are damn'd; on the contrary, I believe this as an undoubted article of my Faith, that whilst they are Popes, they can by no means go to Hell; because the Popedom makes the Popes Popes, and that is a thing that is alwaies left as an Inheritance to the Church, a torment to Rome, an affliction to the People, and for the mortification of the Hereticks. Yet those persons who have had the Papacy, which hath been alwaies[Page 97]supposed by certain persons, may be damn'd, and do damn themselves. For ex­ample; A Porter carrying a Bale of Silk, falls down dead under his burthen; yet this doth not make the propriety of him to whom it belongs to dye also with him; but there is soon found some other person who takes it up and carries it to the Owner; and although the Porter should go to the Devil, the Bale of Silk would not be also condemn'd to go thither. Now those that have been Popes, and govern'd amiss, are damn'd; but the Papacy is not, verbi gra­tia: I believe Alexander the Seventh, who was a Pope (I bring this in only as an ex­ample) is gone to Hell, not the Papacy that was govern'd by him: And therefore the Ro­mans that understand the nature & the usa­ges of those persons that are call'd to the Pa­pacy better then others, can distinguish, as to their humane actions, those Popes that are sav'd, and those that are damn'd; for the Tree is known by his fruit.

This is a doctrine in the Gospel, Ex fructibus eorum cognoscetis eos, You shall know them by their fruit: But the Popes are exempted from all this, because they are not subject to the Rules contained in the Gospel; they having a faculty which Theo­logians[Page 98]have given them, to create Gospels according to their own humour, and to frame Rules to their own fancy, jesting at the supream authority that is found writ­ten; it being enough for them to cause that to be written which agrees better with their own temper.

That which you say is certainly true; but yet they know very well, they have not so great authority as is allowed them; and you have a testimony of it in Leo the Tenth, who discoursing one day with one of his intimate and very familiar Theologians, concerning the doctrine of Luther, contrary to the power of the Pope, and the Divine informing him, that Luther among those opinions that he dispersed abroad, one was, that he did every where deny, and instruct every one, that it was not true, that the Pope had the Keys both of Heaven and Hell in his possession. Good Leo, making a jeast of it, answered the Divine: No matter for that, let him prate what he will, he shall not deprive us of the Keys of the Datary, we will try who shall be best able, either he to take away the Keys of Hea­ven that are invisible, or we to preserve those of our Treasure, which are palpable. From hence may be gathered, that the Popes do[Page 99]not aim so much at heavenly as earthly things; wherefore they know very well, that they are in as much danger of going to Hell as other men; and as a testimony that they fear it, observe this, that they confess almost every day the sins that they commit. Now if they themselves are du­bious of it, why may not the Romans also doubt of the salvation of the Popes? To conclude this point, the Popedom still continues in the world, and they fall into the precipice that have been bad Ministers; and here to avoid all scruples, where we say that such a Pope is gone to Hell, we mean the Person, not the Dignity, the Mi­nister, not the Ministry; and if I my self should hear any one say, that the Papacy is gone to Hell, I would give him the lye, if the Devil himself were present; for he that will intermeddle and deliver such opi­nions, must understand how to make distinctions in due form, and separate the Popedom from the Pope, leaving the Pa­pacy in Rome, and sending the Pope from thence to Hell.

This distinction of yours pleaseth me; and it would do very well to acquaint these Pious-stinkards therewith, who be­lieve they lose both soul and body, if they[Page 100]do but lend an eat to any simple discourse against the Popes person.

These persons that seem so con­scientious, are all Priests Sons and Friars Bastards; it being their nature to be scru­pulous, and such you must imagine them to be; but men of staid judgment, both in publick and private, make themselves very merry with these Mock-Saints, and indeed who will be so foolish as to believe that that Pope can be sav'd, who tolerates, or shuts his eyes against, as we may say, or to speak more truly, commands Simo­ny, Sodomy, Larceny, and so many cheats as his Nephews put in practise, and with the Nephews the whole Court.

But prethee let us return to our Gloria Patri, and leave these Nephews, in the Devils name, if you will.

The Pope and his Nephews are things link't together, that it is impossible to treat of the one without the other.

For my part I believe, that to re­dress all these disorders it were necessary to deprive the Cardinals of the power of electing the Pope, and make the Popedom Hereditary, as many other Dominions are, which are far better govern'd; because if it be left in the power, and at the disposal[Page 101]of these Cardinals, the Nephews will al­waies tyrannize over Rome and the Papacy; It being impossible to find a Pope among the Cardinals without Nephews, and Ne­phews without Boys: If now the Whores have the liberty of Election, Whoredom would become insolent as Sodomy, because they would make the whole Vatican who­rishly inclin'd; besides that, the Ladies of greatest quality would pretend to have a share with the Whores, to have the ho­nour of coming to the Vatican when they please; and it is most certain, that they will never condescend to this, that they must kiss the Popes Toe, and the Whores receive the Osculum Pacis, from the Popes own Lips. All these distractions would be appeas'd, if we could once find out the way to make the Popedom Hereditary; which might be done by the Popes taking a Wife; and so neither the Ingles, nor Whores would have any pretence to the Vatican; because the Wife would lay Rats-bane in every corner, to poison (as they use to do Mice) the Whores and Sodomitical Boys, that eat up all the fat of the Church, and all the lard of the Court: But it were ne­cessary to find a Woman that would wear the Breeches, and not scruple the giving her[Page 102]Husband both boil'd and rost meat; other­wise, both the pot and the pipkin would fly in pieces. If this custom be but once brought in among us, Oh, what brave doings would there be! O the famous Nuptials that would be celebrated in such a Marriage! Then after that would be the greater rejoycing, when the most holy Popes's should be delivered, and of a Pope­ling full of pontifical blessings, which should drop into the very arms of the Pope. What joy would there be at Court? What rejoycing in the City? What feast­ing all the world over? But all these joys would be nothing in comparison of the solemn pomp that the most holy Fa­ther would make, to see young Popes of his blessed seed make the Popedom for ever Hereditary to his Family. I am perswaded, if the City of Rome could once see a Pope with a Popeling in his arms, and caress him with so great affection, it would com­fort her, and sweeten her afflictions. There would be neither little nor great, male nor female, but would run to the Vatican to see the little Pope kiss the reverend beard of his Holiness his Father. The Pope, as I conceit with my self, would be almost distracted with joy, and hug the young[Page 103]Pope in his bosom, and I am of opinion he would be alwaies saying, be thou hap­py, O my blessed sweet heart, my graci­ous little Pope, my dear Popeling; kiss thy Father that made thee a Son, hug that Pope that begot thee a young Pope; O my little Popeling, caress him that gives thee a Popedom.

Peradventure the Pope cannot do so much as you talk of, and in my judge­ment the Cardinals would do well to make you Pope by the name of Marforio the First, and give you liberty to make choice of a Marforia at your own discretion, be­cause you understand so well how, to make much of Children. It is most certain, that it would wash away a great deal of that scandal that is in the world, and the Ro­man people would receive no small advan­tage by allowing the Pope a Wife; be­cause all the Priests and Friars would fol­low his example, and marry likewise; and by this means many of those that wear the Bulls feather now, would be without, see­ing it is the natural quality of those that want, to seek to be accommoadated by other mens goods. But yet however, this very act would have its share of impedi­ments, and the people would be alwaies, [Page 104]more subject to grievances, if the Pope should now have a Wife; for, if at pre­sent the Popes prove so covetous, and the Clergy such base Rogues, now they have no Children, how would they behave them­selves if they had, when nature her self would oblige them to enrich the issue that springs from their own loyns?

Do you believe that the Popes and Clergy-men are without Children? Figh, figh; those that are Nephews by name, are Children by nature, so that they could not act more wickedly than they have done already; but there might ra­ther be some hope of a good end thereof; because that when mischief is arriv'd to its height, it must necessarily have a fall; it being very natural for those things that are unstable to descend when they can soar no higher.

The example of Alexander the Sixth ought to be alwaies fresh in your me­mory; he was one of those Popes you mention'd; being a married Priest, Bishop, Cardinal and Pope; it being the common discourse now that he married Vanoccia Romana, which had been his Concubine a long time, in a private Chamber, and in the presence of a Parochian Priest, his[Page 105]great friend and Confessor. That there­upon suddainly gaining the papal Chair, he brought her into the Vatican; keeping her not as a Concubine, but as a Wife; and the Children that he had were not at all treated by him as Bastards, but as Legiti­mate; he having also attempted to make the Popedom Hereditary to his Family. There was no kind of sacriledge which he did not commit, no tyranny which he did not exercise, no barbarism which he did not act, no Simony, which he did not al­low of, no Larceny which he was not guilty of. He disturb'd the publick peace of Christendom, rob'd the Church of her wealth, took away the sacred vessels from the Altar, sold the Ecclesiastical Dignities, let loose the reins to all manner of vice, and reduced Rome to the greatest miseries that were ever heard of, in so many sack­ings and destructions, which she was brought unto by the cruelty of her barba­rous enemies: And what is the reason of all these infamous actions and cruelties? Ask Alexander himself, and he will tell you that his Issues that stood before his eye did spur him on thereunto; the sight of his Children did deprive him of his judge­ment, and transform'd him into a Devil.[Page 106]Nor am I any waies offended at this, be­cause in the last place Alexander was not wiser than Solomon, and yet he to please his sense, and satisfie his Ladies, offred in­cense to Idols l nor yet was he more inno­cent than Adam in the state of innocency, who did every way transgress the divine commands, to obey his Wife. Now if a Pope, that had no other than a Demy-wife, because he espoused her in private, did commit so much wickedness, and occa­sion'd Chistendom to shed so many tears, which are not a little resented at this very day; what devillish thing would not the others do if they had intire Wives? Let us be content with this, that we have seen the lawful Children, or (if you please) the Bastards of Alexander the sixth, without wishing for worse fortune. If we had not seen the difference there is between the Pa­pacy, when in the hands of the Nephews, and in the fingers of the Children, we might earnestly desire to have a married Pope; but undoubtedly the Church could not stand long, because the Popes would double their avarice, in the same measure as the Parents affection to Children is doubled in comparison of that to the Ne­phews. The business concerning the Ro­mans [Page 107]being thus judged at first sight, who are every day subject to fall out of the Fry­ing-pan into the Fire; it seems that it were far better, and more to be desir'd, to die once well, than a hundred times ill.

By what I perceive, you would gain the better of it, and have the victory; but you cannot resolve with your self to ask the She-Secretary a copy of the sen­tence. You would have the Pope marri­ed, and yet it is not possible that you should let him marry; and you would wish him without a Wife, that you might give him a Wife according to your fancy. I for my part agree with the common opi­nion; let the Christians choose them a Pope that is a Batchelor, the Hereticks a married one, the Romans a Whore-mon­ger, and the Courtiers a Sodomite; and there let every one stand to his own, with­out envying his compannions; and this seems to me the best remedy of all; be­cause if the Pope be a Batchelor, he will be too violent against those that are married; if married, he will treat the Sodomitical Boys very coursly, and if he be a Sodo­mite, he will despise both those that are single and married; but when every per­son hath a Pope according to his own de­sire,[Page 108]he cannot complain of any of them: The single Pope conforming himself to those that are single persons; he that is married with those that are married, and so from hand to hand, every one following the Pope that is of his own temper.

By what you say, it were requisite, to impapate the whole world, and fill the earth with Popes and Popelings.

Let us return to our subject; for I see that the Devil himself cannot make us leave off our discourse of the Pope, when we once enter upon it. Let us see a little what the Whores have done in their Con­clave.

Even little or nothing, because there are far more differences among them, than among the Cardinals, who are so well skil'd in dissimulation and crafty dealings in their Conclaves; yet however 'tis true, that the Pope shall be chosen without the assistance of the Ladies.

How without the Ladies? what (a Devil) have the Ladies to do with the Whores? I am astonished to hear thy discourse; and I even this very morning was inform'd of I know not what in words, that happened in the Whores conclave, between the Princess of Rossana and Brigidaccia a Su­per-annuated[Page 109]Whore, upon the account of Odescalchi.

You must understand that our Ro­man Dames do extreamly envy the Whores condition, because they are oblig'd to beg the advantage of admission from the com­mon Whores. Dear Marforio, if you had been near this place, you had crost your self a hundred times; for in truth there was such a horrid bawling, that the fire of Mongibel could not out noise. The Ladies did pretend that they had more reason to be at the Election of the Pope among the Cardinals, than the Whores ever had; and on the contrary the Whores did cry out, that the Election of the Pope did belong to them, and not to the Ladies.

But what were the Ladies pre­tences?

They were infinite, the Whores did affirm the Election of the Pope did belong to them, because they had no small party in the Colledge of Cardinals; which the Ladies did oppose, saying, that they were altogether Mistresses of the affections of the Cardinals, who have left off their purple Robes, rather than they would give one single distast to a single Lady. To cor­roborate this assertion, the example of Car­dinal [Page 110] Camillo Panfilio was insisted upon, who did not value the displeasure of the Pope his Uncle, and Donna Olimpia his Mother, to gratifie the Princess of Rossano, upon whom he had cast his eye; despising the Cap, Lordship, Church and Vatican, to marry this Lady whom he fancied. To this Signora Nina Stagnarina, in the behalf of all the Whores in the Assembly, as a person of good judgment, and able to ad­vise how to preserve the reputation of the mystery of Whoredom, answered, and said, that even as one Swallow did not make a Summer, so the example of Don Camillo being but single, was not sufficient to strengthen the Ladies pretenses; wherefore, if they would carry away the palm, it was necessary that they produc'd more solid and pertinent reasons.

But tell me a little, before you proceed any further, how do the Ladies and the Whores agree among themselves as to precedency? How did they do to dispose of places in the Assembly?

In truth I know not all the parti­culars upon that subject; but I am very certain that these three points were insist­ed upon: First, Whether this noble con­course should be called the Assembly of [Page 111]Whores, or of Ladies? Secondly, Whe­ther the Whores should have the same title as the Ladies? And thirdly, whe­ther the Presidents should be chosen by the Ladies or the Whores? As to the first, there was no great debate about that, be­cause it was agreed they should count both the one and the other, and should con­clude in favour of the greater number, that thereupon the Whores being found to be far more in number than the Ladies, it was concluded that it should be called the Assembly of Whores, though the chiefest Ladies of the City were included among them. They could not agree so easily about the second, the Ladies being alto­gether unwilling to give the Whores the title of Excellency; and on the other hand the Whores were resolv'd to make no kind of difference in that place which was common both to the one and the other; but after long opposition, the Whores yielded the title of Excellency to the La­dies; concluding that the Ladies should be cal'd Most Excellent Whores, and the others only by the name of Lady Whores. This second point being agreed upon, they came to discourse the third; which was that of electing the Presidents, but the[Page 112]disputes were so great, and the differences so irreconcileable, that it was judg'd con­venient to draw lots for it, which fell to the Whores, to the great regret of the Ladies, who could not without difficulty resolve to be subject to a Whore for their Presidentess.

It makes me in a extasie, and ready [...]o leap out of my skin. Then 'tis the same thing as the world goes now, to say Whore, or Lady?

Don't wonder at that, Brother, be­cause, Mundus semper fuit Mundus, quan­quam nunquam mundus: The world hath ever been a world, though it was never free from pollution, and causes have kept the same path in nature, though we have steer'd another course, so that we could not meet with that before, which we en­counter now. The Ladies and Whores have almost ever been one and the same thing; and there never was any person known, unless it were some poor Peasant, that did not understand that the title of Whore was included in that of My Lady; and if you never knew it before, understand it now, that you may free your self from the imputation of an Ignaro; there being no other difference between them, but [Page 113]this, that the Lady is a private Whore, and the Whore a publick one. The best bits are for the Ladies, who no sooner spy out a piece of well shap't flesh, but they run upon it with more violence than a Mule upon his Provender: What thing else can you imagine makes so many Pro­vincials and Generals, so many Priors and Guardians, so many Confessors and Con­verts, which frequent the Houses of so ma­ny Ladies in Rome, which cannot but bring scandal at least both to Maid and Men-servants? I would have you to know, that the Friars do not visit the Ladies to teach them to raise paste, but to instruct them how to clap a cap on their Husbands heads, not red, like the Cardinals, but of the Rook's colour, which is much more common than the Cardinals Cap is; be­cause every one is allow'd as well Priest as Friar; Cardinal as Bishop, Citizen as Stranger, to bestow the Cap of the Rooks colour: But the Cardinals Cap, no per­son gives but the Pope himself; which is the reason it is not so common as the other. This, if I mistake not, made the Ladies pretend to the Election of the Pope; and they might rationally claim a right to the Popedom, who are already all Popesses.[Page 114]Let right take place; why should the Pope enjoy the Popedom, who makes few Cardinals, and not the Ladies who create many? I do not understand how they can pretend to a jurisdiction above the La­dies, if they may not have the power of creating Cardinals granted them, as well as the others; who in effect may be called Popesses without a Pope.

I believe these Lady Popesses and no Popesses did reproach one another with many things in the Assembly.

They did cast so many reproaches one upon the other, that if Marino were alive, he would think it no hard task to furnish himself with invention to make a Poem of Whoredom like that of his Ado­nis. Among other things, whilst they did argue about the making a Presidentess of the Assembly; Laura Feraresses being mo­ved with, I know not what words spoken by a Lady, in disparagement of Whore­dom in general, standing up, took up the Ladies words, with great arrogancie, say­ing, I expect, Ladies, that one of these dayes you should resolve to banish us the City, to the end that you solely might en­joy the Company of Citizens and Stran­gers; what strange kind of malice is that [Page 115]gnaws your mind? We have no preju­dice for you, why have you so much for us? We leave you almost all the Cardi­nals, whom you enjoy at your pleasure: You have your share of Bishops too, as well as we, and possibly in a larger measure; for to us none resort now but mean people, who have no golden Chains, nor Cruci­fixes of Diamonds to bestow upon you. The Roman Princes are yours, and the Princes Ambassadours also; what then do you complain of? to what purpose is all this rashness and murmuring? This Assembly was brought together by us; and therefore the Presidentess ought to be of our choosing: Most excellent Ladies pray tell us, did we over come into your Assemblies, which are almost without number, to make our pretenses to any thing?

Soft a little, what Assembly did that most Illustrious little Whore mean? The Ladies manage their business private­ly, and would sooner die with longing to eat raw flesh, than trust one another: And if they do confide in any one, they do it with specious pretenses, and make choise of such persons they have a power over. As for the rest they desire to be reputed chast: What Assembly then are these?

For my part I do not understand Laura Ferraresse's meaning; for to acquaint you with the business as 'tis, she is a per­son of such depth that the Devil himself cannot fathom her: However, she know­ing this her natural perfection, alwaies endeavours to practise with persons that are most fit to dive into: Yet I conceit with my self, that she would hit them in the teeth with the Feasts, Balls & Plays, and such like Recreations, that use to be made at Rome, where the whole company of La­dies and Gentlemen meet together.

I do not believe that there can be any injury done in those places, the customs of the Countrey being sufficiently mode­rate; this might be alleaged indeed, if our Ladies were French, and not Italian; or they were in France, where all liberty ima­ginable is allow'd, and not in Rome which is the Mother of virtue.

In sum, I never met with such ano­ther Marforio in the world as you are; you change your discourse when you please; make whom you will vertuous, marry in the morning and bury at night; and that which is of greater moment, you can feign your self ignorant, or wise, in time and place when you please. It seems you think I have committed a hainous crime,[Page 117]in calling the Balls, Feasts, and other recrea­tive meetings, which are made in Rome for the diversion of Ladies, Whorish meet­ings; but I perhaps do not absolutely be­lieve all that you your self say to be true. Remove from you, I beseech you, so false a perswasion, and if you please change, your mind, by disabusing your self with those pre­judices that perswade you, that the French are greater Libertines, than the Roman La­dies, Know, that the liberty which you say is used in France, is civility in Italy, & the civility of Italy is a licentiousness in France, where there are not found so many Popes­ses to creat Cardinals as in Rome, that is, of such as wear Acteons Livery. The French Ladies are not so foolish as the Ita­lian, for they divert themselves with Pro­minades and constant visiting one another at their own Houses; sometimes they take occasion to go to a newly wedded Bride, sometimes a Lady with Child, and sometimes a sick person, or other Gentle­woman; and thus they leave the Friars in their Cloysters, the Bishops in their Bi­shopricks, o [...]d the Priests in their Cures: Whereas the Roman Dames whilst the French are walking for recreation, they are shut up in the Chamber of some House with a crafty preaching Friar, who teach­eth[Page 118]her the transubstantiation of persons, or transfiguration of occult causes. Those beasts that are most closely kept up in the Don are the most savage and cruel, and they never go forth but to seek after a prey. The French Ladies are reclaim'd Beasts, and the Italians Savage, and therefore you had more need stand in fear of the Savage Italian, than the Tam'd French Lady: when the Roman Lady goes out of the hole of her Chamber, you may be sure that she looks after some prey, that she may gnaw upon in her den; and on the Contrary, the French that lives plentifully, hath no need to provide for other food: If you had ever been in France, and observ'd with what ac­customed sincerity, and civility of manners, the Ladies converse with Gentlemen, who make use of their liberty civilly, you would be of opinion that our Ladies are Arch-whores to them. But in Rome, you may easily perceive, that the Ladies go to Balls with no other design, but to make some honest man out of his wits: Not to Plays, but to steal away the heart of some poor Gentleman. What glances of the eyes? What gestures? What gentle brushes in passing by? What sighs? What biting of the fingers? What tread­ing[Page 119]on the Toe? What counterfeit smiles are there seen at Plays, Feasts, Balls, and Comedies, between Ladies and Gentle­men? And to what other end is this, but to manifest that all the publick meetings of Ladies are but an Assembly of Whores? But this is nothing, if they would be satis­fied with such kind of meetings: but the incivility of our Ladies rests not here; they are not content to Court wantonly at such a Bride's Ball, or such a Cardinals Comedy, but they give themselves up to profane the very Churches themselves, to the great scandal of faithful, pious and devout Christians, and wicked and per­verse Hereticks, where they make it law­ful to fix their eyes wantonly upon their Lovers, and oftentimes to contrive with their Hectors the way how they shall pro­cure a nights lodging. And this I believe that la Ferarose did mean, and not without reason; because it is certain that there is far more mischief done in one Assembly of Ladies, than a hundred meetings of Whores, these being Whores in the House, and Ladies in the Church; whereas the Ladies (with reverence be it spoken to those private Actoresses) are Whores eve­ry where. Truly the Ladies do deserve [Page 120]the title of most Excellent Whores, be­cause they have the right of primogeniture, to that occupation, of the Whores them­selves. The Lady Nina della Canuccie, that now and then plays the tame beast, and sometimes the savage, defended this point with the highest applause for the credit of the Whores, that could be, in presence of four Ladies and more of the chiefest of them; and that which is the greatest won­der, when flying out into passion, she seems as if she would only tickle their ears, but she toucht them to the quick. Yes, most Excellent Ladies (said she) you do in all things deserve the precedency of us poor Whores who are born to gather up the crums that fall from your Ladiships table? And reason good too, for we are but small Whores, whereas your Excel­lencies are the greatest Whores in the World!

But what did that great foul beast Nina intend by her gathering up the drums that fell from the Ladies Table?

I am not fully inform'd of that; the other night, having an opportunity, which necessity forced me and of visiting the Lady Nina to speak with a certain Gentleman, who co-habits with her al­waies,[Page 121]and serves to satisfie her corporal wants; though some thinks he is a man that minds his souls health; I came in just as they had entred upon the discourse of the Ladies; wherefore I intreated them not to wave it, and so they proceeded in their good arguments; this most illustri­ous Gentleman commending her extream­ly for that ingenious conceit, which she found out in the Assembly to overcome the Ladies; meaning that concerning the Table, which you had a desire to know; and she seeing her dear Gallant ready with an open mouth to receive hr words, it did the more inflame her to speak, giving him a thousand reasons for that matter, and if by chance she was defficient in any thing, the Gentleman, who had resided in the Houses of more then four Ladies besides, did come in to her assistance, by rendring his own reasons. The whole substance of the discourse consisted in this, that no men followed the Whores, but such as by chance had very ill fortune with the La­dies; or else such who could not satisfie their hunger by tasting all sorts of food, by reason of the jealousie of their Hus­bands.

O, Now I understand your mean­ing, and if it be so, the Ladies deserve the Seniority in Whoredom. But do you be­lieve it to be so?

Yes, I do believe it, and he that doth not never saw woman. It is the na­ture of man to do that which is forbidden; whence it proceeds, that the greater the privation is, the more is the will inflam'd to obtain the desire. And indeed we see how that daily Husbands murder their Wives, and Wives run away from their Husbands. And what's the reason of this? Because all Laws and Honour are slighted, Ladies are daily stimulated on to seek after those men that are defended copulating with them; and the men those Ladies, that they should let alone. In sum, it is cer­tainly true, that the Devil instigates us al­waies to commit the most dangerous and great evils; so that men being overcome by such temptations, do besiege the For­tress of the Ladies Chastity, assault the Virginity of young Damsels, and play the madman more than the devil himself; nay worse, to violate the chastity of married Women and Widows, nay, of the very Nuns themselves, who are (to avoid those incivilities) purposely shut up under lock[Page 123]and key, and live under the severe laws of a Cloyster: To go a whoring is natural, and therefore the Devil permits nature to steer her own course, and he moves on to the acting of things prohibited: And there­fore we are bound to believe, that men now adaies go to Whores, when they find they cannot attain to that, to which they are most prompted; hence we may argue with reason, that the Whores have but little advantage of the Ladies.

I am apt to believe all you say, and am oblig'd to you for your acquainting me with those things that were before un­known to me. But if you will pray fully sa­tisfie me in some particulars as to those Cardinals that were in this so famous Assembly, in nomination for the Pope­dom.

The actions of most were survey'd one after another: The Ladies sometimes proposing one, and the Whores another. Their propositions the Ladies did before­hand strive to deny with pregnant reasons; to the end they might bring it to pass, that they should propose one according to their own fancy; but they had no sooner pro­pos'd it, but the Whores oppos'd them.

I should have propounded some­thing that might have been acceptable, that I might have heard their discourse there­upon; but know you not whether there was any thing mention'd the of Barbarini.

Above all; and to what purpose had this Assembly met, without mentioning those Cardinals who are in greatest estima­tion at Court? They made long reflecti­ons upon their persons; and produc'd so many reasons, that it is impossible to re­peat them.

But were the propositions made by the Ladies or Whores, or else in gene­ral by the one and the other?

Francis was propos'd by all unani­mously, and as unanimously and absolute­ly excluded by them, they judging it incon­venient to admit him to the Papacy, who virifies the Sex, and goes for a Virgin. He being excluded, the Ladies propos'd the Cardinal Antonio; in favour of whom all the Whores also of the Assembly did con­cur; so that he was look't upon by them all as a Pope: But this vogue did not last long; for the Ladies being jealous because the Whores did condescend to it with so much affection, began to be suspicious, that he did take the Whores part more [Page 125]than theirs, that therefore he would sum up together the greatest things he ever did in his life, and they should dis­course of that subject apart; and observe near hand the Curtezans proceedings, who still cryed out, that this Lord should be made Pope, who for so many years had carried himself so affectionatly to the Sex. The Ladies thought fit to enumerate, as near as was possible, all the Ladies, with whom the Cardinal Antonio had been pri­vately concern'd; and if the number of the Ladies should exceed, that then he should be admitted to the Papacy, otherwise, he should be excluded. But a just account being made, it was found, that he had—twice as many Whores as Ladies; so with­out any more ado, they declar'd them­selves against it. The Curtezans on the other hand, understanding that he was ex­cluded, were very forward with them in the defensive part; saying, that they did deceive themselves; for the account that they had given in had no ground, be­cause the number of Ladies, as well mar­ried persons, and Virgins as Widows, with whom the Cardinal Antonio had kept com­pany was innumeralbe, having had a design to the business, but not secresie; so that[Page 126]he was never very careful of that in his exer­cise with Whores, esteeming all this to be to his honour, and an effect of Nobility. Now the Ladies were almost resolv'd to condescend to his Election, when the Dutchess of — rose up and said; let us for all this think of some other Lady As­sociats, because this were to cut our own throats. Let us have a care of making one Pope, who hath been more zealous to defend a filthy deformed Slut, than to pro­tect those Ladies that were the greatest Fa­vorites. Let us remember what he did heretofore to my Lord Palotta, for causing that infamous Strumpet Cecca Buffona to be whipt, who acted the domineering Cardi­nals, because she lay with the Cardinal Antonio, who then raigned. If we should make him Pope, all the Whores would be She-Cardinalst, and we must go and beg protection from our enemies. This discourse did stir up the mind of the Cur­tezans the more to maintain the argument; and there had happened a mutiny, if the Presidentes had not moderated the violence of the Whores; saying, it may be we shall all be mistaken, therefore I judge it more fit to think of another subject. This Car­dinal is now old, and old age in men brings[Page 127]them to repent of the sins of their youth; that therefore I am apt no believe, that we can expect no other, than the affront of be-being banished his presence; it being the quality of old men to despise that which they have had the fruition of, and can no longer enjoy. And if withal he should re­tain any remains of good will towards us, he would have no food, but such as is fit to create him an appetite; so that one way or other, we should lose our time; and so much the more in regard that he had made many Ladies and Whores Cardinalesses, he would be gravel'd to create a Popess among, and may be he would make one that would be jealous of all. The Ladies of pleasure being satisfied with this argu­ment, they, together with the Ladies, excluded Cardinal Antonio, and declar'd him incapable of pretending to the Popedom.

And did they not mention Car­dinal Charles Barbarino their Nephew, who is young, and in hopes of being Heir to his Uncles?

There was some what said of him, but the Ladies would not endure to hear it, by reason of the disparagement he had done the female Sex, despising the Primo­geniture, by not marrying, the Ladies [Page 128]arguing from hence, that if he had denied a Princess, who was offered him in mar­riage, he would not be sollicitous to seek one. The Whores said neither good nor bad of him, because they never had the ho­nour of his conversation, but thereupon they agreed with the Ladies that had exclu­ded him. The example of Cecca Buffana, who was caus'd to be whipt by Palotta, mentioned to the company of Ladies, made some impression upon their spirits, and did penetrate the thoughts of all their Excellencies, who endeavoured, the Bar­barina being excluded, to promote Cardi­nal Palotta, as one that abhorr'd the name of a Whore, having alwaies shewed a himself persecutor of Whoredom, and never fail'd to protect the Ladies in and by all means whatsoever. Some of them said they must have time to consider of it well; for these were things that could not be done a se­cond time: And among the rest one Lady of the House of Conti argued thus: If we were assured that Cardinal Palotta would deal with all the Curtezans of Rome, as he did with la Cecca, we had good reason to endeavour his promotion; but who can assure us that he is really the same person, as he seems to be? Who knows, whether[Page 129]the whipping of la Cecca was done out of an earnest affection, or vain-glory: I am apt to think out of vain-glory, to let the Ci­ty understand that he loved justice, without respect of persons; and by this way of pro­ceeding to gain the love of the people; be­sides that, many are of opinion, that la Cec­ca had never been whip't, if she had not been Cardinal Antonio's She-friend; in de­spight of whom, 'tis thought Palotta prov'd so rigorous. It is the property of such kind of men, to declare themselves enemies to what they love: For my part I will not swear for his honesty, and I understand what I say; he is a man as well as other men are; and loves to keep company with ras­cally people, therefore he entertains him­self in the morning with them, and at night with Friars, who in Rome are Hectors to certain of the vilest Whores; so that there is little hope there should be any great mat­ters done for us. For all this the Ladies did still favour Palotta; the whipping of la Cec­ca being imprinted in their minds; though this was thrown in his dish by the Curte­zans, that this Palotta having caus'd the Prelats Whores to be whipt, he should not have omitted the whipping the Popes La­dies also. It sufficeth to say, that the[Page 130]Whores did manage their business so well, that they excluded him, forcing him to take a more dangerous leap than that he took in Portugal to save his life by jumping out of a window.

So it seems this Cardinal is neither of God, nor the Devil, and can neither satisfie the Whores, nor the Ladies.

Perhaps, if he were made Pope, he would be of another mind, and would out­wardly manifest what is found inwardly. His exclusion was the cause that they fell upon Tapetto Ginetti; but they no sooner began to mention him, but he was exclu­ded with a general consent; the Ladies, by reason of his mean and base extract; and the Curtezans, because of his Covetousness. Laura Massa however did not fail to give her assistance, not because she was inclin'd to favour those that were covetous; for she lov'd prodigality in the excess far more, then moderated covetousness, but to satis­fie the Sister-hood, that had some particu­lar interest in some of Ginetti's Nephews; the rest did altogether jear, at Laura Massa for her recommending him, hissing at her behind her back with very much scorn. Gi­netti being quite out of hope of gaining the Chair, they began to muster up their forces[Page 131]for the Cardinals Grimaldi and Ursini, the Ladies extreamly desiring their promotion; the others did not dislike them; but said, it would be no good policy to bestow the Popedom upon frenchified Italians, who might frenchifie all Italy; so that they chang­ed their minds; though very much against their inclination, to advance the benefit of their publick interest; for indeed there was not one Lady in the Assembly, but desir'd either the one or the other of these two persons for many respects; and particularly, for the hope they had to see the French liberty in­troduc'd in Rome; being that these Cardi­nals enjoy it, and make a very fine use of it. They came then to visit the Spanish Sub­jects, naming them one by one; the Whores now reckoning up the virtues of the one, and the Ladies of the other. The Ladies were content the Whores should make choice of one to please themselves, provided he were a Spaniard; and the Whores made the Ladies the same proffer, the Arragoni­ans only excepted, as a people that did ne­ver much affect Rome; yet neither the one nor the other could by any means find out a good Subject among so many Spaniolizers, to suit with the humour of the Assembly; but excluded them all for their damnable[Page 132]pride, by which they made themselves odi­ous to all the female Sex, who love to see men humble, as well riding as on foot; so they endeavoured to bring the other Itali­ans upon the Stage.

Among these She Conclavists, were there not divers factions, as there us'd to be in the Conclave of Cardinals?

Not among the Ladies, but among the Whores there were, yet there was no great notice taken of it; because the Itali­an Faction was thrice as well furnish't as all the rest in number; however the Spanish Faction was grown somewhat numerous by the arrival of many sordid baggages newly come from Spain, with the Catholick Am­bassadour: But as for the French Faction, it was very weak they having but a few little Whores, who liv'd upon some lea­vings that did advance the old Italian Cur­tezans. The Princess Colomia did pretend at first, that she was capable of bringing in a party of Ladies, either French Ladies, Italianiz'd, or Italians frenchified; but the French Ladies Italianiz'd, would not agree with the Italian Ladies frenchified; and therefore the Princess, who did not know in her conscience whether she was Italian or French, being doubtful whether she [Page 133]was born in France, or Italy; did not much care to shew her self obstinate in making a Faction, but followed the rest, and assisted them them in their Councils with her natu­ral gentile humour.

This Princess has a good wit, and a sweet flowing tongue, and deserves to be half French and half Italian.

But to come to our business; the female Conclavists being thus in a confusi­on and in suspence, not being able to find out a Pope to their satisfaction, having now sifted the point concerning the Cardinals more exactly, did think to effect their bu­siness by promoting the Cardinal Brancac­cio; for whom the two Velletrane spake, in­forming the Assembly with the quality of the person; saying, that this Lord being ad­dicted to pleasure, and to the satisfying of his own appetite; ever allowed of, and granted licences for Balls and Comedies, and continual Masks; which are the most convenient things to bring store of men to his Apartment; he would not fail to make a continual Carneval, and make Lent shor­ter, which makes us for the most part eat up what we gain'd during the small time that the Carneval lasts. But these are not all his good qualifications; there being[Page 134]other considerations, that should plead for his Election. If we should make this man Pope, it will prove for the good of us all, because he having an infinite number of Re­lations, the House of Brancaccio (which you know very well) having such nume­rous branches, he will bring little less than half the Kingdom to Rome; so that you gain advantage by them all. The Ladies smil'd at this proposition, and answered in short, that that vulgar Italian Proverb, which the Romans know by common ex­perience to be true, was sufficient to exclude Brancaccio, viz. The Neopolitans are large mouth'd, but close fisted. 'Tis very true indeed (the Whores said) we had need of another kind of men then the Neapolitans are; it were more necessary for us to seek out a Polish or German Pope, that would bring hither along with him a great num­ber of those Mamalucks, that are open-handed and narrow mouth'd. Adrianella; who had no other design then the promoti­on of Rospigliosi her Confident, perceiving that the proposing of a Pope who had many Relations was not il-resented by the Assem­bly, began thus to express her self: Most noble femal Companions, if the reasons for a Pope with a numerous Family may [Page 135]take place in this Conclave; certainly we ought not to quit Cardinal Rospigliosi, who hath three parts of four of the Citizens of the City of Pistoia, the place of his Nativi­ty to his Relations, who will all of them forsake their dwellings to come and live in Rome, and thus there will be no jealousie among us; because every Lady, and every Whore will have one of this Popes Ne­phews for her friend. Besides, he being a great lover of the Muses, he will grant us liberty to to make publick meetings ac­cording to our pleasure, and suffer those Geldings and Superiors that are of our opinion to come among us. Weigh this well in your minds, my most dear She-Companions, because these propositions are not to be buried in oblivion. Adria­na's proposal was well relish't by the con­clave, the major part of the She-Concla­vists being in a manner satisfied, so that they were about to make an immediat con­clusion in favour of Rospigliosi, but were forc't to leave off by reason of a great noise that began to be rais'd without doors, by those Abbats, Prelats, and other of their Gallants, every one whereof staid in ex­pectation of his Mistris to wait upon her home. The occasion of the noise was,[Page 136]that having had a relation of the words of Adrianella; and understanding that now the Female-Conclavist, would create Rospig­liosi Pope, who had so many Nephews and Grand-children, the Gallants grew jea­lous upon this, fearing they should lose what they had; since it is the property of the Popes Nephews to dispossess those that are in possession, to put themselves in posses­sion; for this reason they cried out that Rospigliosi might not be made Pope, he be­ing burthened with so many friends. This rumor was so loud, that there was a ne­cessity to adjourn the Assembly, and refer all things to another day. This is all I can acquaint you with at present.

I return you thanks, and will find out some other time to understnad the rest.