I Came to Dover in a Flemish Botom, where (after a dayes rest) I went to see the Castle, but I was forced to faine my self one of Madam Nurses kindred, & spoke nothing but french, or else I had not been admitted.

This Castle is called the Key of the Land, but its growne rusty for want of exercise, for most of the Ordnance are dismounted, their carriages stan­ding one halfe in the ground, and the other out; here lay one wheele, and there lay another: In the Easterne out-worke lay one Peece all over-grown with grasse, and hard by that lay another along by the wall on two Logs of Tymber; I wondred to see such a confusion in so eminent a place; but I was told that the last great wind was the cause [Page 2] thereof; and if the Lieutenant were once able to walke round the wals to see it, all would bee made good and mended; but till then it must stand as it doth: Their Lord is at London to be cured of the Gout, the Deputy Lieutenant was at Downs seeing the Kings ships, and most of the men were at bowles on the greene Beach: I came downe to the Towne, and left the Castle with a Memento to look to it selfe, lest the French doe it for them; this I observed, that if the French had beene as provident as the Dutch, to have seated themselves in Dover, then the most Christian King might have had this Castle at his Command, and so might have beene Master of the narrow Seas, and have had Calice and Dover for two Bul-workes, and Block-houses, and so kept the Dunkirke from domineering on the seas. All the newes I could learne here, was that sixe of the Kings ships lay ready for a Convoy of sixtie Vessels with provision for Dunkirke.

The next day I came to Canterbury, where I went to view the glasse windowes, and see Sir Tho­mas a Beckets Tombe, to which the people had prayed so often, as they had made two holes in the stones with their knees: the next day being sun­day I went to heare a Sermon where (they said) the Archbishop of St. Andrewes was to preach, I was in amaze to see him there; but the noyse of the Organs soone put mee out of my dumps. Now (thought I) hee is in his Kingdome, for hee hath danced a long time after this musicke: when service was done; I thought to have heard him tell the [Page 3] people some newes out of Scotland, but the old Carle spake not one word thereof. The next morning I tooke a Charcoale, and drew on the white wal in the Church Porch these three words, (Archi: Cant: Auli) and so departed out of the town, lest I should have beene apprehended for the Au­thor of it: All the newes that I could learne in the Towne, was that the Archbishops Grace was too great to dwell amongst them, that hee loved Croyden, better then Christ-Church. That hee had some Engineers to see if they could remove Christ­church to Croydon by land, or to Lambeth by water, for hee meant it should stoope to him, and not hee to it: But lest it should fall to bee forfeited; for non Residency he hath put the other Archbishop there for his Deputy.

As I came through Kent, I saw much mustering, and preparing of men and Armes to send into Scot­land: This had almost made a mutinie amongst them; some said it was done purposely to weaken the Country, others said it was an il example for o­ther ages: And an old 88. Captaine said they might well retaine the name of Kentish Long-tayles, but to be called any more men of Kent, they could not clayme it.

As I came a long, I saw the Kings Store-house at Chatham, and some of the Kings ships which are of such bignesse, as a small ship may be built, ere they can be rigged, and brought to the sea to doe any service. When I came to Gravesend, I saw the great Fleet ryding in the Hope, ready to carry the [Page 4] Marquesse and his men for Scotland: But there fell out a foule fray betweene the Parson of the Parish, and the Pursers, for demanding double duties, for burying such souldiers as dyed on shipboard. On the way towards London, I saw Stone-church which was burnt downe with thunder last winter: And Erith, Micham, and many other Churches (for all their high Altars) did not scape scot free.

The next Sunday I went to Lambeth to heare a Sermon, and see what forme of worship was used there; when I came, I was in hope to have seen the little good man of Lambeth there, but I saw no such man in all the Kirke; for I could have kend him by his white sleeves from all the men there: but I well wot, there hee was not. I speerd for him, and some said, he was either at White-hall or Somerset house, others said that he was at home choosing of a new Church-warden, because the old one had pre­sented him for not comming to Kirk these 7. yeares. After preaching was past, I went up the River side to see Guy Faux his Mannor house, the fatallest house, that ever was built; for there was the plot laid, and powder provided for blowing up the Prince and Peers of the Realme, in the Parliament house by the Papists conspiracie. There was the Leather Ordnance invented, there was the white soape and blew starch first made, there was the most part of the projects and Monopolies hatched, which have so much troubled the whole Kingdome. There was a new rare invention, lately set on foot for blowing up of Castles and Forts, but for a conclu­sion [Page 5] it was first blowne up it selfe: And now an Engineere hath begged it of the King, and hath new built it, for which hee hath promised to blow up all the Ilands in the Frith in Scotland, that the Kings ships may have sea-roome to besiege Leeth: from thence I came crosse the River, where a Dutchesse like a Dive-dapper was a swimming, but the water was so cold, as it made all her body shiver, and put her in sick a fit of a feaver, as no Physician could cure her, but a German. On the Sunday before Easter I went to St. Margarets anent the Abbey, where the Minister mistooke himselfe, and instead of a Prayer read a Preface, forbidding all people to begge at White-hall, for the King was gone to Yorke Welaway (thought I) now, I have mist a mandy, which I thought to have had, to have carried me againe home into Scotland. Well, I could hardly eate my dinner for griefe thereof: But a country man of mine would needs have me in the after-noone be Goffer to a Girle, where when I came the women fel to quarrel for the name; one would have it Maud­lin, & another would have it Mary, now out upon't sayes another, we have too too many of that name already; pray let us have old Elizabeth again: by my soule says another, if this were spoken in Scotland, it would be counted reason wh [...]n I heard that, I stole away, and left them to look another Goffer: upon good Friday as I came through White-hall, a coun­try man had me in to give me a dish of drink, and to shew me the dancing Barn, & then afterwards carri­ed me to the Kings Quire to hear a me [...]s of matins, when I came there the people were al groveling on [Page 6] the ground as though they had bin picking pearles out of the pavement: Well, downe I was driven on my maribones amongst the rest, and about halfe an houre after they al stood up againe, turning their arses to the East, and their snouts to the West to heare an Anthem, which being done a tall slim Carle in a long Gowne made the people turne their faces to the East, where I spied a curious wrought Crucifix hanging over the high Altar, with two women kneeling to it, to teach the rest of the peo­ple their duties: Upon Easter day I went thither againe, and then the Crucifix was taken downe, and the Resurrection set up in the same place, the Musicke went so loud, and the old droaning dunces, and young fry of Quiristers made such a noyse as I could not heare, nor understand one word was spo­ken, and so came away for feare of deaffing: A­bout a week after my Countrey-man would needs have mee goe thither againe, and then I saw in the same place over the Altar a fine old man riding on a bonny Nagge, hunting a wild Beast, many a long legge, and low courtesie was made to the man on horse-backe: I askt what hee was, and my Coun­trey-man told me, it was St. George, and they were all praying to him to make haste, for they had need of him in the North, when I saw him so ready on horse-back with his speare in his hand, and his spurs on his heels: Well St. George, thought, I, ride as fast as you can, I will be in Scotland before you, and so I departed, and left him to end his quarrell with the Beast hee had before him: When I was gone [Page 7] out of the Court, my Countrey-man told mee, I had some reason to be afraid. For St. George having formerly broke his Speare with the Spaniard, and rebated his sword at a foyle with the French; there­fore hee had now his hands bound by the one, and his tongue by the other: And having taken a truce with them both, hee had vowed to be revenged on St. Andrew, whom hee threatens to turne into a Wind-will, where his Crosse shall serve for the sweapes: Alas, and woes me (quoth I) poore St. Andrew is so weary with carrying his Crosse on his back, and a Bishops Bonnet on his head, as hee will never be able to encounter this man, who be­ing so bravely mounted, will run over him before he come at him. This made me so afraid, as I went home to supper for feare of fainting; the next morning I got up betimes, and went to the Ex­change to meet our Intelligencer; when I came the newes was at an end: For their Packets were opened, and their Letters taken away, which made a mighty muttering amongst them, in so much as one of them in a mad humour said that they were quite disgrac't, and thereupon made these verses following.

I Went out in a Dunbarre Boat, and sayled all along the Northern coasts, where wee met two ships laden with Ammunition for Barwicke, and fixe Colliers with provision for New­castle. When I came to Hull, I went on shoare to see the mighty Magazin there, from thence wee were driven to the Downes, where the Kings Fleet lay at Anchor: in which the Mermaid Marquesse, (being changed from true blew to all the colours in the Raine-bow) was there cabbined up with a Cable for feare of the French, where like a Kite in a windy day with seventeene smaller birds at her tayle, hee was hovering up and downe the seas to surprise all such shipping as should passe for Scot­land.

When we came neere unto Dover, a Dunkirke set upon us with two French, and a Fleming relee­ved [Page 9] us, or else (for all the ship money paid in, for guarding of the seas) wee had beene carried to Dunkirke instead of Dunbar: But having scapt that scouring, wee landed in Sussex neare old Arundell, where wee went to see the Castle, the strongest de­fence whereof, is the number and greatnesse of the owners titles; It's kept by foure Priests, two Por­ters, and a Ratcatcher, but it hath above a hundred Watchers and Warders belonging to it; who (be­fore ever we came neare it) came flying over our heads crying, Ka, Ka, Ka, Ka, which made us so afraid of being clapt up in the Castle, that we retur­ned and left them to looke to their charge.

The people of the Towne were all crying, every teare as big as a Mill-stone, lest their Lord should love the North Countrey better then theirs: And because hee is gone to conquer an other Countrey, and left his owne to the mercy of his enemy, I quickly left this place of mourning, and sayled by the Ile of Wight, where they were very hot at their Musters, in so much as the smoake thereof made such a mist on the sea, as we mistooke our course, and landed at Portsmouth, instead of New-castle, where wee heard, those Ilanders are as hot in their Barrels, as the French in the Breech: so as if they come there, it will prove a hot peece of service, ere they can enter: Portsmouth is but meanely pro­vided with Ammunition, and therefore they were all in amaze, for feare the French should come in a Fog.

Southampton was the next place of [...] I came [Page 10] at, and there the Aldermen were busie begging a benevolence for the warres: But because I had none for them, I thought it better to shew them my backside, then to bee called Rebell for refusing: From thence I came to Winchester, where I was afraid of a Goose.

This Towne I left and came to Bagshot, and so to Basing-stoke, where a lordly Lowne sware me out of ten shillings with his merry conceits of his questions and answers, amongst which these were a part.

The Foxe in the Forrest, and the Conie in the Court.

Buffe Coats in the Campe, and black Coats in the Church-Campe.

The curse of a Cuckold, and the pride of a Pre­late.

Covetousnesse of the Clergy, and contention of the Commonalty.

I left this place, and tooke my way to wards Gil­ford, in hope to have seene Arundels Earle, but hee was gone to Court; yet I did not loose my labour, for there I saw the finest and best govern'd Almes­house in the Kingdome, built by old George of [Page 11] Canterbury, for a President for his successors, to doe like.

The next day I came to Croydon, thinking to have seene the little man, that makes so mickle matter, but he was at Lambeth; whereupon I came along towards London with a Colliers Cart of Croydon, where after some whistling and merry tales, I heard these mysticall Novelties.

That of late some are so much for Church Ce­remonies, as they doe nothing in true fincerity: And that others are altogether for pride and pro­digality, and nothing for love and charity; That the Owle counterfeits the Eagle, the Buzzard the Blackbird, the Cuckow the Nightingale, and the Wren would fly with the Faulcon, but for feare his wings should fayle him.

That the Fox would faine lap himselfe in the Lions skin, the better to terrifie the other Beasts.

Thus the Wolfe would faine bee chiefe Shep­herd, that he might the better feed his flock, and the Asse must have the Harts skin on his backe, to keepe him from the Northerne storme.

When they had made an end of their Parables, they fell to singing: And askt mee if I could helpe them to sing a three mans song: I told them I would doe my best, then they began, and the bearing of the song was this, with which I end my Relation.

I Came in Kirke Patricks Boat, all about the Irish seas, where we saw some souldiers sent from thence, to the Lord Clifford at Carlile.

Wee landed three of our men in Wales (being Papists) but they were quickly snapt up for Covenanters, and cal­led Rebels, for refusing the oath of Supremacie, and shortly after were learned Traytors by open Proclamation.

Wee viewed all the English Ilands as wee past along, as Man, Garnsey, Silly, and the like: The In­habitants had need be honest, for they are entru­sted with keeping of the three greatest Ene­mies of the Clergie, viz. Divinity, Law, and Physicke: In all our voyage wee saw but only two of the Kings ships, which were sent to scoure the seas, wee did vaile our Bonnets unto them, and bid them good day, and so departed un­discovered.

Wee put in at Portsmoth, where there is a good Harbour, and good Forts, but sorrily kept; their Governour (that Baggage Bag) having taken a sur­feit [Page 13] of a Star-chamber suite, and being a little over­shadowed with the Moone, gave them the bagge and dyed, whose Successor will never fill the bags hee hath left empty behind him.

As I came through Somerset-shire, I saw great muste­ring: They are notable windy fellowes, and strong breath'd, with eating of Beane-bread, they meane to shew you a Taunton trick, and fart in your faces: you may ken them from all the Campe, by the Beanes ratling in their bellies, a mile before they come at you.

In all the Countrey as I came along, there was a great complaint of the decay of Trading: The Farmers and Sheep-masters blame the Clothiers, the Clothiers the Merchants and Drapers, and they lay the fault on the troubles in Scotland, which hin­ders their traffick, but some of them say, they could find it out nearer home, if they durst disco­ver it.

I came downe by Reading, where little Laud was borne, his Father was a Clothier, his Mother a Spinster (hee being the worst thred that ever shee spunne in her life:) Hee was from his Cradle or­dained to be a Punisher of poore people: For hee was borne between the stocks, and the cage, which a Courtier one day chanced to speake of; where­upon his Grace thought himselfe so disgrac't, as he removed them thence, and pull downe his Fa­thers thatcht house, and built up a faire one in the same place, because none should say hereafter, that he was discended of so meane a house.

[Page 14] The next day I came to Windsor, which is the worst place that ever I came in. For the Knights are poore, and the Priests rich, the Prebends proud, and the Deane deafe, for a poore man hath called a long time to be released, and cannot be heard.

Away I came towards London, and landed at Hampton Court, in hope to have seene the Prince and Duke Iemmy, but the Dupper Doctor had carried them to St. Iames to see the Queene Mo­ther, where hee left them, untill hee himselfe went to Lambeth for Canterburies blessing to a better Bishoprick, in which if hee behave himselfe well, and please his Patron, in bringing up his pupill, he shall be promoted to a better Bishoprick.

When I came to Westminster, a countrey man of mine had mee to see the Tombes, where (amongst many other Kings and Queenes) I saw King Iames, and Queene Elizabeth conferring about the trou­bles in Scotland, which they said was plotted in Spaine, ratified at Rome, and agitated by the Iesuits in England, to be acted in a tragicall procession in Scotland, but it was not so in their dayes, and they hoped it would not long continue as now it is.

The next morning I got up betimes to goe to our Intelligencer; but ere I came at White-hall, I was prest for the Kings service: whereupon I presently fell lame of my left legge, and with a pittifull look I said, Messe Constable I am a poore lame Passenger, I pray you let me passe, but if I must have your money, then change me one shilling for an other; with that I blest my selfe with a good Angell, and [Page 15] then gave it him for his shilling, which he percei­ving put it up, and so out of pure love let me passe.

When I came to the Exchange, our Intelligencer, and two or three more of my countrey men went to dinner, where I was relating my Reading Jour­ney and newes, whereupon one of them puld a paper out of his pocket, saying, now by your Relation, I understand the meaning of my ver­ses, which were bestowed on me: And before now I did not well know what they meant: A Copie whereof hee gave me to end my Discovery withall, which are as followeth.

AT my first comming to London, I heard little newes of any Scots grie­vances, but within a little while af­ter, when I saw Burton, Bastwick, and Pryn promoted to the Pillory, for speaking against the power of the Prelates, then I began to smell a fox.

They rejoyced as much in their sufferings, as their Adversaries did in their sentences; but be­cause they should not prate, nor talke to one ano­ther, as they did when they stood in the Pillory.

Therefore they were sent first into three severall Castles in three remoted counties, and afterwards removed to three severall Ilands, every one of them at their departure from the Pillory to their Prisons, made two verses.

The next Terme after this, the Bishop of Lin­colne came to his sentence in the Star-chamber, where hee received a sharpe sensure, but hee may thank himself for it, in keeping two prime places in his hands, when others want preferment. But hee stood too much upon his trumps, thinking that King James his Patents had beene now as good, as when hee had them: Alas good man, though hee be a great Scholler (not a better in the Kingdome) yet hee had forgot the little Mans Motto (Sic volo, sic Iubeo) The originall cause of this was never heard; but this I learned, that two flesh flyes having fed at his Table for a long time together, had purposely laid a traine to intrap him, and then they combined with one Kilvert (A Cani­ball) who having devoured his owne Master (Sir Iohn Bennet) undertooke to doe the like with him, and hath hunted him so hard, that the Tower is become his Tabernacle, where he is like to remain, unlesse hee will pull off his Miter, and give it for his Ransome.

Long hee had not laine there, ere he was roused up againe for a second course, pretending that hee had given a false exposition on the great Leviathan, (false Mediator) and the like: whereupon (through the meanes of a false Steward, a faithlesse Secre­tary, and a foolish Scribe) he was (Acteon-like) puld [Page 18] down with his own hounds, which he had fed at his trencher in his prosperity, but had now fallen upon himselfe in his adversity, yet his owne patience, and the peoples prayers may one day be a comfort to him.

That when the newes came first of the troubles in Scotland, Archie the Kings Foole was questioned for something against the Prelates, whom hee thought was the cause of it. For which hee had beene had up in the Star-chamber, but that the Fool told them hee would plead the priviledge of his Coat. For (quoth hee) if neither Foole nor wife man must scape this Court, I will be neither. But for all this Archie could not scape scot free, for hee was led to the Porters lodge, where (albeit hee found favour in his lash) yet he lost both his Coat and his place by it.

That about a weeke after I met Archie at the Abby all in black: Alas poore foole (thought I) hee mournes for his countrey; I askt him about his Coat, O quoth he, my Lord of Canterbury hath ta­ken it from mee, because either he, or some of the Scots Bishops may have use for it themselves: But hee hath given me a black coat for it, to colour my knavery with, and now I may speake what I please (so it be not against the Prelates) for this Coat hath a farre greater Priviledge then the other had: when I heard him say so, albeit (thought I) a Fooles bolt is soone shot, yet perhaps hee may hit the marke: whereupon I went and bought me a cano­nicall Coat, and put my selfe into an Arminian [Page 19] habit, which hath kept mee freer from danger, then if I had beene all clad in buffe.

That about Christmas last, all the passages of your Assembly were presented to the King, and all the names of the Lords and others that had subscri­bed the Covenant, or consenting to the putting downe of the Prelates were given in: wherupon a Convocation of the Clergy of England, was once resolved to be called, and to have the matter disputed, but the Bishops were busie, and could not attend it, and advised that (ipso facto) you should be proclaymed Rebels, and all your Lands should be confiscate to the King, which made some of the Courtiers mouthes so water (in hopes of a Lord­ship) that they lookt as if they had beene troubled with the scurvie.

That about Candlemas the newes was nothing but warre, and that the King would goe in person into Scotland, and had promised to gratifie those that adventured with them, for cutting off the Co­venanters: And therefore to make them the more contemptible to the English, Proclamation [...] made in all market Townes, and read in all Chur­ches: That you were base fawning fellowes, and people of broken fortunes, and would faine re­pair your ruined estates, by the spoyles of the good subjects of England; which Proclamation (not­withstanding the faire and true declaration of your intentions) so animated many of them (as like Hogs in the wind) they ran on (but knew not whither) ro fight, (but knew not for what) hoping to be rewar­ded [Page 20] (but knew not when) and they may returne, but know not how.

That of late every man at London hath beene in his humours. The Courtiers were learning how to tosse tennis bals, instead of Bullets. The Cap­taines were preparing to see the tragedy of tray­tors, the Clergy were studying a Masque for a Myter; the Ministry were drawing the map of misery, the Iesuits were at wilie baguilie, and the Scots Bishops were at Boe peepe with the Kirke.

That one day I went to see the Tower, which is newly rapaired, there are forty new beds and lod­gings provided for entertainment of the Scots traytors: well, let me advise yee to looke to your selves; for if ever you bee lodged there, the next newes after will bee your comming out to Tower-Hill, where either your heads must lop, or your Crags crack.

I came home by the custome House, where there was such an out-cry with Merchants, concerning their new Impositions: As it made the old Farmers [...] for a court Lord, and a citie Captaine to assist them, who came ruffling into their offices with such violence, as (for feare of Goring) it made al the Vir­ginian Merchants to run away, and leave their Plantations. For Tobacco was growne so cheape, as the Kings customes came to more then the Mer­chants had for it. For it was taken by a worse name, and sold by the measure of Iacobs staffe, whereupon, when the old Pinder saw such shavers, come to share in his office, he gave over, and left [Page 21] the Dawes, to shift among the Rooks, which the common people seeing, they prayed that their Court Customer might dye drunke in his new Impositions of Wines, and the Crispe Citie Cap­taine might break as fast as doth his glasse beads.

Whilst I stayed at Custome-house, I heard a muttering of a red Deere Pye, full of gold going to the Nuns of Nancy, from the holy sisters in Eng­land, under colour of a peece of Venison sent to the Prince of Peymont from Catholico Mariano: But they said, a wilie Wayter had put his finger further into the Pye then was fitting, and after it was discove­red it was husht up, no man can tell how.

Likewise, I heard that the Cardinall of Cordel [...] being cast away in crossing of a River, his hat came floating up to the custome House, where it was ta­ken up for a miraculous monument, and carried to the Lord Treasurer for a wreck, who hath order to keepe it, untill some fitting person bee found to weare it. This accident makes good the old Pro­verbe, Quot homines, tot sententia, for some sayes our countrey man Con: (the Popes Legate) must have it; others say, Sir Tobit Mathewes doth better deserve it, some say, that as soone as the King hath established Bishops againe in Scotland, St. Andrew shall have it instead of a blew Bonnet, and others say Canterbury must be served before him. But some say, its kept untill St. Paul have a new coat, and then hee must have it for his hat, or else when Pauls is quite built, it must be carried round about it pro­cession, and then left on the high altar for a religious Relique.

[Page 22] That all Lent long His Majesties Chaplaines, instead of Fasting preached fighting; and instead of Peace preached punishing of Rebels, amongst whom wilie Warner of Rochester having got a Bisho­pricke for making one Sermon, hee gave the King an other gratis, wherein he so rayled at the Rebels, as his Patron hath promised a better Bishopricke, when it fals.

That such time-serving Clergie men, as have not the gift of Preaching, seeke preferment by ray­ling; as one Harison, who lookes for a Deanery at least, for calling Judge Hutton Traytor, when hee sate on the seat of Iustice, for speaking his consci­ence for the subject against Prerogative.

That the case of ship-monie was fully argued, first by foure Councellors, and afterwards by the twelve Iudges, whereof the Gold-finch, Vernon, and five punies past for the King, and five Seniors, (whereof two were capitall) stood for the coun­trey, but what can withstand fortune; for most voices mis-carried it: Neverthelesse, the Lord Say would faine have had another assay at the matter, but could not be heard.

That about Mid-lent, the names of all strangers, as well French and Dutch, as Scots, were collected in and about London, and sent to the King, viz. 60000. French, 40000. Dutch, and 900. Scots, but if Priests, Friers, Iesuits, and the rest of the Romish Rabbies, had beene also collected, they would have exceeded the number of the Scots, and if the Papists and Protestants of the French and [Page 23] Dutch had beene likewise collected, the number of the Protestants had stood but for a cipher to the other.

The voice went that all the Protestant strangers should have beene sent into New England (if the King could have spared shipping) and the others should have made a catholicke Army, to have gone against the Scots: But now the Scots taking their new oath to fight against their consciences and countrey, and the rest paying in their money with­out grumbling, they may all stay in Old England if they please.

That albeit, with the pilling and polling of the Commonalty, England is fallen into a very dange­rous disease, which growes every day worse and and worse, in so much, as one Sunday at one Master Shutes Parish Church, a Bill was delivered, that Iohn Common-wealth of England being sick of the Scots disease, desires the prayers of the Congrega­tion, for calling a Parliament, the great Physician of the Kingdome, to cure their infinit infirmities.

That all men must contribute to this holy, and zealous expedition; whereupon the Citie of Lon­don having made a collection of, at least 6000. l. presented it to the King, who thankt them for their loves, but would not receive it, because some say, it was too little, others say, that he will come home by them, and then they must present him with a golden Calfe, and a greater gift for a peace offring: But in the meane time its said, that Yorke must bee made the Royall Citie of the Kingdome; but [Page 24] when no man knowes, yet the Merchants care not if both Court and Towne bee carried thither, so long as they cannot carry Thames with them also: For if their wives loved Courtiers no better then they doe, their roomes were farre better then their company.

That the King being resolved upon his Iourney, wrote his Letters to all Noble-men in the King­dome, to attend his Royall Standard at Yorke. The first day of Aprill with fitting men and furniture, according to their birth and qualities, degree and honour, where by the Papists report his Majesty will be with 100000. English. 20000. Welsh 20000. Irish 20000. chosen Catholikes, all in compleate armour, and that the King of Spaine would send him 20000. of his old souldiers (if he had no use for them himselfe:) The King of Den­marke would send him 20000. of his Drunkards, if he could spare them: The King of Morocco would send him twenty tun of Barbary Gold, if Argier and Tunnis stood not in his way, and the Pope would send his Benediction, if he thought it would doe him any good.

That the King was by the Prelates so exaspera­ted, and made so eager on the busines, as he tooke his Iourney on his Coronation day, which some think unfortunate: But the Papists Proverbe prevailed, The better day the better deed.

At this departure hee had Canterburies blessing, and a book of Remembrances what is fit to be done to such a rebellious people.

[Page 25] That all things are much altered, since the Kings departure from London, White-hall is become an A­mazonian Castle, St. Iames an Hospitall for stran­gers, Somerset-House a Catholicke Colledge, West­minster a receptacle for Seminary Priests and Iesu­tis, London is like a private friend in close mour­ning, Coaches and Carts are halfe idle for want of imployment, and great Horses, Sedans, and wher­ries fight for their imployment, Porters are taken up for Gentlemen Vshers, & Clergy men (by rea­son of their pastorall protection) clap in with all the good matches about London.

That my countrey man Con: the Popes Legate, is fallen lame of late, and is writing an invective a­gainst Abernathy, for discovering his comming into England: hee saith, that if these troubles had not beene, hee had got as much money in seven yeares, as (with the helpe of a Letter or two, from the Court to the Conclave of Cardinals) would have made him Pope; and then if you had not yeelded to the King on any conditions, he would have curst you with Bell, Book, and Candle.

That the seven Champions of Christendome are now (this criticall yeare) all up in Armes, St. An­thony is inchanted by the Pope in S. Angelo, S. Iames, and S. Dennis are this summer to try their strengths in a simple combat: And S. George, S. David, and S. Patrick, are all ryding into Scotland, against S. An­drew, but the quarrell against him is unknowne; some say because he will not wait upon S. George his Ceremonies, but others say, its because hee dare [Page 24] [...] [Page 25] [...] [Page 26] maintaine that there was neither Pope, nor Pre­late in the Primitive Church.

That one Baker, the Bishop of Londons Chap­laine, being one morning desired to present a Pe­tition from a Minister to his Lord for a Prebends place, carried the matter so craftily, that he had it for himselfe, together with the Ministers curse, for cozening of him; but to prevent that, the Bishop gave him his blessing; yet it did him no good, for ere night he was so puft up with pride, and grown so great, that the weight of his body broke his legge, and so laid him and his honour in the dust, yet theer be some that attribute this accident to a­nother thing, for they say, that this Baker was so over-joyed with the death of some good Divines, and the going away with others, that he made ver­ses of them, and the same day hee made them hee broke his legge, and his verses were answered the next day following.

[Page 27] That when the King lay at New castle, Fleet­woods newes came fleeting to London, with as many lyes, as lines in it, but that's no matter, Colonels may lye by commission: It tels us of your Iron Flailes, Harrowes, Knives, and the like, taken going to you from Sheffeild, and threatens to beate you with your owne weapons: Now as for your men he never mentions them, because he meanes not to meddle with them: But when hee comes to relate the va­lour of your women, he cryes out, the Lord bee mercifull unto us, for wee shall have a bloody bu­sines of it, yet hee declares his resolution, is to fly in their faces, and concludes with a Protestation, that his father may tell it for truth.

That albeit you were offended with that Procla­mation, which termes you people of broken for­tunes. They have made another against you, its just like Ianus in the head; and in the body like a Scorpion with a sting in his tayle. For first you are pardoned if you subscribe Jgnoramus, but if you doe not, you are condemned before you are convicted, and your trayterous obstinacies are to be cured with the sharpe sword of Iustice, which being put into the hands of Papists, they sweare by Peters Keyes, Pauls sword shall be put in pra­ctise.

The body of the Proclamation breeds a Scor­pion in your bosome to devoure you. First your debtors must pay your money to His Majesty, who (because hee can give no lawfull discharge) will give them a good share back againe. Next all [Page 28] your lands are given away to such as will fight for them.

Lastly, your tenants must pay you no more rents, for His Majesty will turne Land-lord, and let them their lands for a third part abatement of their old rent, and promises to put them in posses­sion before Pentecost next, unlesse you prevent it.

That there was some whispering newes about the towne of a dissention, betweene the spirituall Lords: whereupon a great Politician had drawne His Majesty to command all the temporall Lords attendance (purposely to be revenged on the No­bility) whilst others lye lurking at home laughing in their sleeves, to see how they made their ene­mies take up Armes to defend their quarrell: In which if any of the Nobility, and Gentry be slain, their sonnes may prove Wards, and so bring in much money to maintaine the wars.

That if the Prelates project succeed well, tis thought Wren and VVarner should have the keeping of the great and little seales, and London now (like John hold my staffe) being Treasurer, the Clergy will have a golden time of it, but let them remem­ber this Admonition.

That there is a new counsell Table erected at London, where the Catholick Lords, Knights, and [Page 29] Superiours of the Roman Clergy, meet to consult upon fitting meanes for raysing of money towards maintenance of this holy warre, which they hope will either procure a dissolution of your Religion, or a tolleration of their owne.

At this meeting divers motives, and advises were drawne up for certaine Priests to move the Catho­likes to contribute in a large manner towards the maintenance of those warres, to the 8. 9. 10. part at least of their Annuall meanes, according to the true and just value; for which, besides the benefit, which may redound to them by their Religion: the King hath called in his Commission against Recusants: The Queene hath undertaken to secure all those as shall be Contributors herein, and the Pope hath promised, that no man which dies in this quarrell shall ever come in Purgatory.

That these advises and motives being discove­red, the Pope hath written to his Nuncio, not to be too forward, untill they see time, for feare of dis­covery, nor to let the Laity know too much of the Provincials minds, lest they fall off, nor that the Catholikes bestow so much on the society of Ie­suits, as other the Orders can have no part.

That there is a Feast of fancies at London free for any man, that hath a mind to it.

The first dish is a Redshanks sermon, instead of a sallad, the second a pickl'd Projector, the next a piping hot pigge, and next a handsome hogge, there was a red Deere Pye, but that's past, instead of that, they meane to have a Bishops head and bacon, [Page 30] which will serve for a grand dish: and albeit it bee somewhat out of fashion, yet it is like to be in sea­son. Their bread is Bishops Bisket, and Burtons bayte.

Their drinke is Britain's teares, their dyning Roome the Castle of care.

Their attendants Tom Tell-troth, and Bastwicks younger brother.

Their Musick hath for Tenour Vox Regis.

For their Base, Vox Clerici, for their Discords, Vox consilij, for their Treble, Vox populi; for their Counter, Uox pauperis: for their Meane, Vox pueri: for their Consort, Vox Cali: for their comfort, Vox Dei.

The voice of this Musicke hath beene heard throughout all England, and is like to grow low­der, unlesse some course be taken to stop it.

That, there are a kind of Beadles runs up and downe about the towne, yelping out your destru­ction, crying, Oh the valour of the Welsh-men! which are gone to kill the Scots: well, looke you have Leeks, and causbobby, and give them good words, and call them bold Britains; and then you may doe with them what you will.

That Halter, and Ballad-makers are two princi­pall trades of late: Ballads being sold by whole hundreds in the Citie, and Halters sent by whole barrels full to Barwicke to hang up the Rebels with, as soone as they can catch them.

That old Iohnson the Poet being dead, great moane is made for one of that quality, to write the [Page 31] Bishops wars: yet two have petitioned for the place, and each of them have something for tryall, which because you may see their straine, I thought fit to insert, as followeth.

The tryall of these verses were put to two Iohns poetically affected, who allowed of the Latter, for two reasons.

First because the former makes them fight for Nations to one, which is too much odds, where [Page 32] the other mentions onely three, being somewhat unequall too.

Secondly, because the former forgets the Kings ships: whereupon depends the hopes of the suc­cesse, and honour of the Kingdome, which the latter observing he shall therefore write the histo­ry, but hee must not begin untill hee heare the suc­cesse of the first Battell, which if it proves unfortu­nate, then it spoyles a Poet.

That the newes at London is so uncertaine, that no man believes it, sometimes we heare of Peace, and then the Papists storme and fret, saying, the King is too mercifull. For my Lord Howard (not the chiefe of the Howards) hath three sonnes, all Colo­nels newly come over from the Cardinals Campe, who threaten, if the King will give them leave, they will pluck the Scots out of their trenches by the eares; but when newes come they must fight, and that wee shall have blowes for blowes, then they tell us, that the Kings forces are two weak for the Covenanters, but as soone as the Irish will come over Dunluce, and his Dimilances will drive them all into the Mountaines.

That such newes as this comes out by owlelight in little Bookes or Ballads to be sold in the streets. And I feare its held a prime peece of policy of state, For otherwise, how could so many false Ballads, and Bookes be tollerated: yet the next morning Sunne exhales all their vaine Evening vapours: As that newes of taking Lesley Prisoner, killing of Colonell Crayford, and imprysoning most of the [Page 33] Nobility, but I never beleeved it, because if it had beene true Ballads, would have beene sung by day light, Bookes printed, Bonefires made, and a so­lemne Procession with a Te Deum, at least, had not beene wanting at Lambeth.

That I went one day to the Star-chamber to see what Lords where left at home, where I heard Colonell Crosby and others fined, for reporting that the Lord Deputy of Ireland going to Knight a poore man, Sir Knave, with a Cane, hee hit him so hard as hee kill'd him, when in truth, hee died not untill three dayes following.

At which sentence, little Laud made a Sermon of an houre long, telling them how the Deputy had cozened the Scots in Ireland of all their armes, and was providing men to weare them into Scot­land against their owne Countrey-men; And that it was a fortune that followeth all men in high places and authority to bee evill spoken off.

But it was not so of old, for then the man whom the King did honour should ride in his Cha­riot, bee apparelled with the Kings Roabes, and esteemed the second person in the Kingdome; but now, if the people might have their wils (quoth hee) those whom the King honoureth, should have Hamans reward: with this hee concluded, keeping the application to himselfe; whereupon, I went out and wrote these Verses following, and left them in the window:

The next day, I tooke my journey home­wards, and left one to take notice of passages in my absence; And a first night I lay at Ware where my host shewed mee the great bed and told mee that 24. Captaines lay altogether in it, and named it the bed of honour; If (said I) honour could bee goe with lying in fether-beds few would bee without it. But sure (said I) they will lye both worse and further asunder before they returne home againe.

When I came at Yorke, I heard the King was bravely entertained there, and that the Recorder had so tickled his eares with flattery and fables that both hee and the Major were knighted, well thought I this makes good the old Proverbe; Some may better steale a goose, then others stick downe a feather; For if the Scots had done so, they had beene called fawning fellowes by open Procla­mation.

When I came to Durham, all the Drummers were drunke, for the Bishop had bestowed good store of wine upon them to forbeare beating, because the noise of the Drummes should not drowne the sound of the Organs.

I needed no guide to Newcastle for whole [Page 35] troopes of souldiers lay lame by the way; This Towne is now called little London albeit it hard­ly deserve the name of Coale-Castle. I went round their Towne to see the workes, and thought to have seene a Castle in it, but mine host told mee that the Scots had long agoe laid the Castle levell with the ground, and least they should doe the like with the Towne, the King had sent a gari­son to defend it.

When I came first to the Campe, I was exa­mined what I was, I told them, I was Chaplaine to the Lord High Crown'd Howard, and was come on a message to his chiefe. Upon this, I had a faire pasport, but never came neere him.

The first newes I heard there was, that the Marquesse was sent to find out the floting Islands, and that hee had beene round about England, and most part of Scotland, but could not find them, and in the Interim, most of his men falling Sea sick; A pinke was dispatcht to Apolloes Oracle, to know their destinies. Answere was made, that they were all unsanctified people, and not fit to bee im­ployed in so holy a warre, untill they had done penance, and made their confessions in some fitting Land. This made them more amazed then be­fore, untill a subtile Sphincks expounded the rid­dle and told them it was meant by the holy Island, unto which hee would prove their Pylot and bring them thither, where if their men died as fast on Land as they did at Sea, then they might save a labour of digging of Graves, and bury them in [Page 36] conyborowes; unto this they all agreed and weighed anchour, hoised up sailes, and in short time arrived in the harbour where they landed their men. And the Marquesse himselfe after hee had made his Orizons at Saint Cutberts shrine, hee posted to Apollo for further direction.

That when I came to the Campe, I saw diverse troopes of voluntaries, who (like so many prodi­gals) having got their patrimonies, are come thi­ther to spend them in hope to returne richer. They have taken with them three horses a peece, one to carry the Asse himselfe, an other to carry a Pri­soner if hee can take any; and the third, to carry his provision.

But its commonly seene in all Lotteries (this being the like) that there are above ten Blancks to one prize.

I met with a great many Gamsters there, and with some Players and Poets, but all out of im­ployment, yet a Poet told mee, that because hee would keepe his hand in ure, hee made every day a few lines in Verse; a parcell whereof hee gave mee as followeth:

About the end of May, either a Foole, or an unskilfull Physitian, told the King, that the Scots Campe had such stinking breaths, as the English durst not come within tenne miles of them for feare of infecting, whereupon a Proclamation was made, that the King did respect the safety of his subjects of England. So as the Scots Campe under paine of displeasure, should not come within tenne miles of the English borders, or Campe, wheresoe­ver it lay; but if they did, then the Generalissimo was to kill all they could catch, wherein they should doe his Majesty good service and honour.

Shortly after this; a vaine man perswaded the King, that all the Scots were retired above 14. miles from Barwick, and that 5000. would bee able to take them all in their trenches. This being gran­ted, upon Ascension day, the English army went out of Barwick very early to put this designe in execu­tion, but ere they had marched two miles, newes came, that Generall Lesley was comming towards them, whereupon, they returned, saying, they went out but onely to goe in procession round about [Page 38] the bounds belonging to the Towne of Bar­wick.

About two dayes after, there happened a great mistie morning, in which the Cowes comming down the Hill towards Barwick seemed like so ma­ny men, and the white horses like so many colours, which put the Towne in such a fright that the Scots were comming, that they barrocaded their Gates, ranne up their Rampires, mounted their Ordi­nance, and made ready for a defence: But when the day grew cleere, and that they heard Cowes low for their Calves, they opened their Gates, and let them in to Suckling.

That I observed in the Campe, that both the French and Spanish factions (like to Caiphas and Pilate) are now agreed to your overthrow in this expedition, who were alwayes, opposite enemies one to another, even in their very apparrell, which I will decipher unto you, because if you see them, you may know them.

The French-men bee knowne by their Curld Perriwiggs, Franciscan Cap, short wasted Dublet, long arsed hose, and curtall Cloake, with boots as though they meant to bee buried in them. And the other may bee knowne by his Spanish hat, Ar­menian band, long bellied Dublet without a belt, trunke hose, start up stockings, buskin bootes, and large cloakes, which is the generall fashion now in the Army.

That when I was in the Campe, Proclamation was made, that every man upon paine of death [Page 39] should observe these Lawes and Ordinances of warre, which all the Campe were sworne to as sacred and good, out of which tenne of the most materiall were collected, and set up to bee obser­ved as truly, as they doe the tenne Commande­ments.

Some of the Captaines, and souldiers being displeased with these orders, the next night puld them downe, and put up these other ten in their places.

Hereby you may perceive there is no great Vni­ty in the Campe, but there is far lesse edge in the Kingdome towards this action, for take this for a generall observation throughout England, that many of the best Nobility, and prime Gentry, a Commonalty are well Wishers to the cause; albeit they be not openly seene in it. So as I may truly tell you, that though nature have pro­vided two hands to one heart; yet God hath pre­pared two hearts to pray for you, for one hand that is to fight against you.

That the most of the common souldiers in the campe, are such as care not who loose, so they get, being meere Atheists, and barbarous in their reso­lutions. And indeed they are the very scum of the Kingdome, such as their friends have sent out to be [Page 43] rid of, who care not if both Kingdomes were on fire, so they might share the spoyle.

Vpon this I thought good, to try if I could take off the edge of their fury, by making a Quere of the quarrell, and a Declaration of your intentions, by the verses following, which I put up under the Orders:

The next morning these verses were taken down, and carried to the Generall, who gave order for apprehending the Author, but Mumbudget for [Page 44] me: And about noone, a Comptroller came and put up an Answer to them, as followeth:

By this you may perceive they thinke it a won game, yet I see no miracles they have done, since they went out; only I observed a wonder, that is, to see their pride and patience have agreed so long to­gether, expecting an end of this action.

That I saw the Regiment of Gyants sent out of Yorke-shire, under the command of Don Quicksot, who threatens, that after they have carbonadoed the Scots like so many capons, then Sanco Panco his Page shall cut off their heads, and carry them to the Prelates for a present; but the Enterprise will prove worse, then the Wind-mills was, that the third day after, all the forces were drawne into Bat­talia, where the Welsh-men had the Vauntguard the Irish the Reere, and the English the maine Battell, and the Papists were purposely backward­ly placed, to see that none forsooke their colours, and the Bishops could willingly have desired to [Page 45] beare the Banner; but that they feared their white sleeves were such faire markes, and the Scots such good Marksmen, as they could not misse them.

That when the Muster roll was cast up (of their 100000. English. 20000. Spaniards. 20000. Irish. 20000. Welsh. 20000. Danes, and 20000. choice Cotholikes) it was found in toto not above 1600. If I be mistaken in the numbers, London newes misled me: Now if all these, with the helpe of three bor­dering counties, after three dayes Battery with the great Ordinance, and three moneths labour of the Engineers cannot make a breech big enough for the Generals greatnesse to enter Edenburgh, and cut off all the Covenanters, then they meane to take an other course with you, viz. First they meane cunningly, under the colour of a parley to catch you in a purse-net, and if that fayle, then they meane to yeeld to a Parliament; and in the In­terim possesse themselves of all the strong Castles, and then on the suddaine to catch you all napping, as Mosse caught his Mare: But if your wisdomes do prevent that, then they meane to starve you by land, and by sea; for which purpose the Marquesse hath surrounded the seas, & hath entred the Frith; where like Swallowes after Flyes hee wil so fight with the Fisher-boats, as you shall not have a Whiting, a Haddock, nor a Herring to relieve you: And all the frontier Townes between Carlile, and Barwick shall be laid full of souldiers to keepe you from catching any thing out of England: But here's your comfort, winter will come, and [Page 46] then our rough rocks, and shelvy seas will force the ships to retire homewards, and our cold clymate will quickly coole their courages, if they continue their intended courses.

That upon the first of June, newes was brought to the English Campe, that all the Scots Army was blowne as farre as Edinburgh, with the wind of the last Proclamation: whereupon order was given for an Inroade into Scotland, within two dayes after thinking to have taken in the two market Townes of Kelsey and Duns, but they proved dunces in their designs, for they went fiercely on the munday mor­ning, as some of their Commanders had put on Per­riwigs instead of Helmets, and the rest had no time to take their leaves of their friends, but hastily marched with such a fury, that they raysed such a dust with their fifteen hundred horse, and 3000. foot,Nota. that they were almost choakt with it: But when they came towards Kelsey, there appeared 400. Horse on the top of a Hill; whereupon the English Commanders gave order for a charge, which the other perceiving retyred downe the hill on the other side, and then wheeling about with a foot Army, they encompassed the English Army round about ere they knew of it. And after some small pawse on the busines, a Trumpetter was sent to the Scots to submit, who returned answer, that if they meant to fight, they should see their submis­sion, and demanded of the English the cause of their comming to invade them in such hostile manner, who replied, that they came out to see [Page 47] how the Scots Markets were furnished with flesh, for the English souldiers were almost surfeited with eating of fresh Salmon, to which a Scots Cap­taine replied:

Most Gentle Generall, our Markets are well stored with provision, and if you will but take the paines to march into our market with your Army, you may see almost 5000. English Calves, which our friends have sent us for a Prey this morning, but wee never meane to hurt them, but intend to send them safe back againe for a present to his Majesty, as a token of our Loyalty to him, and our loves towards you. When the English had con­sidered how the case stood with them, they fell to a parley and parted loving friends, and so sounded a retreat, and returned homewards againe; every man carrying in his hand, instead of a (Rosemary, branch the Embleme of Death.) An Olive branch the Embleme of Peace, all of them sing­ing:

When the English Army saw their fellowes returne in this manner, it caused a great confusion amongst them, but when they truly understood the matter, Let us have Peace, Let us have Peace, the most cried with the newes; I was so farre over­joyed, [Page 48] that I came poasting to your Lordships to tell you the same, whose wisedomes can well tell how to take the oportunity offred for the peace and prosperity of this Kirke and Kingdome, the welfare whereof is the harty desire of him, who hath adventured himselfe to bring your Lordships these few Intelligences.