IF all our European Travellers direct their course to Italy, upon the account of its Antiquity, why should Scotland be neg­lected, whose wrinkled surface derives its original from the Chaos? The first In­habitants were some Straglers of the fallen Angels, who rested themselves on the Confines, till their Captain Lucifer provided places for them in his own Countrey. This is the conjecture of Learned Criticks, who trace things to their Originals; and this opinion was grounded on the Devils Bratts yet resident amongst them, (whose fore-sight in the events of good and evil, exceeds the Oracles at Delphos) the sup­posed Issue of those Pristine Inhabitants.

Names of Countrys were not then in fashion, those came not in till Adam's days, and History (being then in her Infancy) makes no mention of the changes of that re­nowned Country, in that Interval betwixt him and Moses, when their Chronicle commences, she was then Baptized (and most think with the sign of the Cross) by the Vene­rable [Page 2] name of Scotland, from Scota, the Daughter of Pharaoh K. of Egypt. Hence came the rise and name of these present Inhabitants, as their Chronicle informs us, and is not to be doubted of, from divers considerable circumstances; the Plagues of Egypt being entailed upon them, that of Li [...]e (being a Judgment unrepealed) is an ample testimony, these loving Animals accompanied them from Egypt, and remain with them to this day, never forsaking them (but as Rats leave a House) till they tumble into their Graves. The Plague of Biles and Blains is hereditary to them, as a distinguishing mark from the rest of the World, which (like the Devils cloven Hoof) warns all men to beware of them. The Judgment of Hail and Snow is naturalized and made free Denison here, and continues with them from the Suns first ingress into Aries, till he has passed the 30th. degree of Aquary.

The Plagues of Darkness was said to be thick darkness, to be felt, which most undoubtedly these people have a share in, as the word [...] (Darkness) implies; the darkness being appliable to their gross and blockish under­standings (as I had it from a Scholar of their own Nation) Upon these grounds this Original is undeniably allowed them, and the Country it self (in Pyramid's) resembles Egypt, but far exceeds them both in bulk and number; theirs are but the Products of mens labours, but these are Natures own handy-work; and if Atlas wou'd ease a shoulder, here he may be sitted with a supporter.

Italy is compared to a Leg, Scotland to a Louse, whose legs and engrailed edges represent the Promontories and buttings out into the Sea, with more nooks and angles than the most conceited of my Lord Mayors Custards; nor does the comparison determine here: A Louse preys upon its own Fosterer and Preserver, and is productive of those Minute-Animals called Nitts; so Scotland, whose Proboscis joyns too close to England, has suckt away the nutriment from Northumberland, as the Countrey it self is too true a [Page 3] Testimony, and from its opposite A—, has calved those Nitty Islands, called the Orcades and the Shetland (quasi Shite-land) Islands.

The Arms of the Kingdom was anciently a Red Lyon Rampant in a Field of Gold, but An. Dom. 787. they had the Augmentation of the double Treshure, for assisting the French King; but his Majesties Arms in Scotland is a more Hysteron Proteron, the Pride of the people being such, as to place the Scots Arms in the dexter quarter of the Escutcheon, and make the Unicorn the dexter Supporter, with the Thistle at his he [...]l, with a suitable Motto, Nemo me impun [...] lacessit, true enough; whoever deals with them shall be sure to smart fo [...]: The Thistle was wisely placed there, partly to shew the fertility of the Countrey, Na­ture alone producing plenty of these gay Flowers, and partly as an emblem of the people, the top thereof having some colour of a flower, but the bulk and substance of it, is only sharp, and poysonous pricks.

Woods they have none, that suits not with the fruga­lity of the people, who are so far from propagating any, that they destroy those they had upon this politick State Maxim, That Corn will not grow on the Land pestered with its Roots, and their branches harbour Birds, Animals above their humble conversation, that exceeds not that of Hornless Quadrupedes; ma [...]y perhaps some of their Houses lurk under the shelter of a plump of Trees (the Birds not daring so high a presumption) like Hugh Peters Pu [...]s in her Majesty, or an Owl in an Ivy bush. Some Firr-woods there are in the High-lands, but so inaccessible, that they serve for no other use than Dens for those ravenous Wolves with two hands, that prey upon their Neighbourhood, and shel­ter themselves under this Covert; to whom the sight of a Stranger is as surprizing as that of a Cockatrice. The Vallies for the most part are covered with B [...]r, or Bige, and the Hills with Snow; and as in the Northern Countries the Bears and Foxes change their Coats into the livery of the [Page 4] soyle, so here the Moor-Fowl (called Termagants) turn white, to sute the simple, though the Inhabitants still stand to their Aegyptian Flue.

They are freed from the charge and incumbrance of En­closures, the whole being but one large Waste, surrounded with the Sea: Indeed in many places you may see half a Rood of Land divided with an Earthen Bank, into many differing Apartments, according to the quality of Beasts that are to possess them.

The whole Countrey will make up a Park, Forrest, or Chace, as you'l please to call it; but if you desire an Ac­count of particular Parks, they are innumerable, every small House having a few Sodds thrown into a little Bank about it, and this for the state of the business (forsooth) must be called a Park, though not a Pole of Land in't.

If the Air was not pure and well refined by its agitation, it wou'd be so infected with the stinks of their Towns, and the steams of the nasty Inhabitants, that it would be pesti­lentful and destructive; indeed it is too thin for their gross sences, that must be fed with suitable Viands, their Meat not affecting their distempered pallats, without it have a damnable hogoe, nor musick their Ears without loud and harsh discord, and their Nostrils (like a Jews) chiefly de­light in the perceptible effluviums of an old Sir R —

Fowl are as scarce here as Birds of Paradise, the Charity of the Inhabitants denying harbour to such Celestial Ani­mals, though Gulls and Cormorants abound, there being a greater sympathy betwixt them. There is one sort of ra­venous Fowl amongst them that has one web foot, one foot suited for Land, and another for Water; but whe­ther or no this Fowl (being particular to this Countrey) be not the lively picture of the Inhabitants, I shall leave to wiser conjectures.

Their Rivers, or rather Arms of the Sea are short, few places in Scotland being above a days Journey from the Sea, but they are broad, deep, and dangerous, pestered with [Page 5] multitudes of Porposes or Sharks (some of them perhaps amphibious too, that live more on Land than Water) which destroy their Salmon, the great Commodity of this Coun­trey, which being too good for the Inhabitants, are bar­reled up and converted into Merchandize, &c. The Banks and borders of these Rivers (especially near their Towns) are adorned with hardy Amazons, though inverted, their valour being (chiefly) from the waste downwards, which parts they readily expose to all the dangers of a naked [...]encounter. The exercise of their Arms, I shou'd say Feet, is much about Linnen; Sheets are sufferers, a fit receiver is provided (not unlike a shallow Pulpit to mind them of their Idol Sermons) wherein foul Linnen is laid to suffer persecution, so they turn up all, and tuck them about the their wasts, and bounce into a Buck-tub, then go their stock, and belabour poor Lint till there be not a dry thread on't. Hence came the invention of Fulling-Mills, the Wo­men taught the Men, and they put in practice.

The Country is full of Lakes and Loughs, and they well stockt with Islands, so that a Map thereof, looks like a Pil­lory Coat bespattered all over with Dirt and rotten Eggs, some pieces of the shells floating here and there, repre­senting the Islands.

Their Cattle are only representatives of what are in o­ther Countreys, these being so Epitomized, that it is hard to know what Class they relate to. Their Horses are har­dy, and not without Gall (as some say other Horses are) using both tooth and nail to mischief you; that they may not use more state than their Masters, they go Bare-foot, which preserves them from the Gout; and if Hudibrasses Horse had been of this race, he had not needed a Corn-cutter: Their Furniture or Harness is all of the same matter, all Wood from head to tail, Bridle, Saddle, Girths, Stirrups, and Crupper, all wood; nothing but a Withy will bind a Witch, and if these be called Witches, I shall not oppose it, since by their untoward tricks one wou'd guess the [Page 6] Devil to be in them; their Bridles have not Bitts, but a kind of Musroll of two pieces of wood; their Crupper is a stick of a yards length, put cross their docks, both ends thereof being tyed with woven wood to the Saddle. Their Bed and Board too is all of a same dry Straw, and when they have it up, whip on Harness and away. Their Neat are Hornless, the Owners claiming sole propriety in those Ornaments, nor should I deny them their Necklace too, for me-thinks that hoisted wood wou'd mightily be­come them. Their Sheep too have the same preferment, they are coupled together near their Masters Palace. Some Animals they have by the name of Hogs, but more like Porcupines, bristled all over, and these are likewise fastned to the Free-hold by the former Artifice; all their Quadrupedes (Dogs only excepted, in which sort they much abound) are honoured with wooden Bracelets a­bout their Necks, Legs, or Arms, &c.

Their Cities are poor and populous, especially Edenbo­rough, their Metropolis, which so well suits with the Inha­bitants, that one Character will serve them both, viz. High and Dirty. The Houses mount seven or eight stories high, with many Families on one Floor, one Room being sufficient for all occasions, eating, drinking, sleeping, and shit—The most mannerly step but to the door, and nest upon the Stairs. I have been in an Island where it was dif­ficult to tread without breaking an Egg; but to move here, and not murder a T—is next to an impossibility; the whole pavement is Pilgrim-salve, most excellent to li­quor Shooes withal, and soft and easie for the bare-foot Perambulators. The Town is like a double Comb (an Engine not commonly known amongst them) one great Street, and each side stockt with narrow Allies, which I mistook for Common-shores; but the more one stirs in a T— the more it will stink. The other Cities and Towns are Copies from this Original, and therefore need no Commentators to explain them; they have seven Colledges [Page 7] (or rather Schools) in four Universities; the Regents wear what colour'd Cloaths or Gowns they please, and com­monly no Gowns at all, so that it is hard to distinguish a Scholar from an ordinary Man, since their Learning shines not out of their Noses; the younger Students wear Scar­let Gowns only in Term time; their Residence is common­ly in the Town, only at School-hours they convene in the Colledge to consult their Oracle Buchanan; their chief Studies are for Pulpit-preferment, to prate out four or five Glasses with as much ease as drink them; and this they attain to in their stripling years, commencing Mr. of Arts (that is meant onely Mr. of this Art) before one wou'd judge them fit for the Colledge; for as soon as they can walk as fas as the School (which they will do very young, for like Lapwings they run with shells on their heads) they are sent thither, where they find no Benches to sit on (only one for the Mr.) but have a little Heath and Fadder strewed for them to lye upon, where they litter together, and chew the Cud on their Fathers Horn-books, and in good time are preferred to the Bible; from this petty School away with them to the Grammar School, viz. the Colledge where in three or four years time they attain to (their ne plus ultra) the degree of A. M. that is, they can extempore, coin Graces and Prayers for all occasions; if you crack a Nut, there is a Grace for that, drink a dish of Coffee, Ale, or Wine, or what else, he presently fur­nishes you with a Grace for the nonce; so if you pare your Nails, go to Stool, or any other action of like importance, he can as easily suit you with a Prayer as draw on a Glove; and the wonder of all is, that this Prayer shall be so admi­rably framed, that it may indifferently quadrate with any occasion, an excellency no where so common as in this Countrey. Thus you see the young man has commenced and got strength enough to walk to the Kirk and enter the Chair, where we shall find him anon, after we have viewed the out-sides of their Kirks, some of which have been of [Page 8] Antient Foundations, and well and regularly built, but order and uniformity is in perfect Antipathy to the humour of this Nation, these goodly Structures being either wholly destroyed (as at St. Andrews and Elgin, where by the re­maining Ruins you may see what it was in perfection) or very much defaced; they make use of no Quires, those are either quite pulled down, or converted into another Kirk, for it is common here to have three, four, or five Kirks under one Roof, which being preserved entire, wou'd have made one good Church, but they cou'd not then have had Preaching enough in it: Out of one Pulpit now they have thirty Sermons per week, all under one Roof, plenty of Spiritual provision which gusts much better with a mix­ture of the flesh; as you may guess by their Stools of Re­pentance in every Kirk, well furnished with Whore-mon­gers and Adulterers of both Sexes. In Venice, the shadows only of Curtezans are exposed to publick view only in Effigie, but here the Whore in person has a high place pro­vided her in the view of the whole Congregation for the be­nefit of Strangers, who (some think) need not this direction, but may truck for all Commodities with the first they meet with. They use no Service-Book, nor Whore of Babylons Smock (as they term a Surplice) nor decency, nor order in their divine or rather contumelious Service. Wou'd a King think himself honoured by Subjects, that Petitioned him with bonet valed, but cockt his Cap the while his re­quest was granting, while precious Mr. Presbyter, grimaces, prays or houls, the Monster Rabble vails; but as soon as Text is taken, Blew-bonnet takes place again, and this Pulpit-prater is esteemed more than Gods Ambassador, having the holy Spirit at his beck to prompt him every word he speaks, yet not three sentences of sence together, such Blasphemy as I blush to mention.

Their Christnings (as all other things) are without form, only water poured on the Infant, and such words used as Sir John's Mephistophilus supplies him with, and so the [Page 9] Child commences Christian, as good (or better) than the best of them. Some think Marriage an unnecessary thing amongst them, it being more generous and usual amongst them to take one anothers words; however 'tis thus per­formed, The young Couple being attended with Tagrag and Bobtail, gang to Kirk, where Mr. Scruple (like a good Casuist) controverts the point in hand to them, and Schools Mr. Bridegroom in his Lesson, then directs his dis­course to Mrs. Bride, who being the weaker Vessel, ought to have the more pains taken with her; he chalks out the way she is to walk in, in all its particulars, and joyns their hands, and then let them fall to on Gods name: Home they go with loud ravishing Bag-pipes, and dance about the Green, 'till they part by Couples to Repetition, and so put the rules in practice, and perhaps Sr. Roger follows Mrs. Bride to her Apartment, to satisfie her doubts, where he uses such pungent and pressing Arguments, as she never forgets as long as she lives.

When any one dies, the Bell-man goes about ringing their passing Bell, and acquaints the people therewith, in form following, Beloved Brouthrin and Susters, I let you to wot that thir is an fauthful Broothir lawtli departed awt of this prisant [...]arld, aut thi plesuir of Aulmoughti Good (and then he vails his Bonnet) his Naum is Volli Voodcock, thrid Son to Jimmoy Voodcok a Cordinger; he ligs aut thi sext door vethin thi Nord Gawt, close on thi Nawthwr Rawnd, and I wod yaw gang to hus burying on Thrusdan before twa a Cloak, &c. The time appointed for his Burying being come, the Bell-man calls the Company together, and he is carried to the Burying-place, and thrown into the Grave (as Dog Lyon was) and there's an end of Wolli. Few peo­ple are here buried in their Kirks (except of their Nobi­lity) but in the Kirk Garths, or in a burying place on pur­pose, called the Hoof, at the further end of the Town (like our Quakers) enclosed with a Wall, so that it serves not only as a Burying place, but an Exchange to meet in; [Page 10] perhaps in one part of it their Court of Judicature are kept; in another are Butts to shoot at for Recreation. All agree that a Womans tongue is the last member she moves but the Latin Proverb, mulieri ne credas, &c. seems to prove it after death: I am sure the pride of this People never leaves them, but follows them to their long homes (I was about to have said, to the Devil) for the meanest man must have a Grave-stone full fraught with his own praises (though he was the vilest Miscreant on Earth) and misera­ble memento mori's, both in English and Latin, nay Greek too, if they can find a Greek word for Cordinger, the Calling he was of, and all this in such miserable Scotch Ortho­graphy, that 'tis hard to distinguish one Language from another.

The Castles of defence in this Countrey are almost im­pregnable, only to be taken by Treachery or long Siege, their Water failing them soonest; they are built upon high and almost inaccessible Rocks, only one forc'd passage up to them, so that a few Men may easily defend them. In­deed all the Gentlemens Houses are strong Castles, they being so Treacherous one to another, that they are forced to defend themselves in strong holds; they are commonly built upon some single Rock in the Sea, or some high Pre­cipice near the Mid-land, with many Towers and strong Iron Grates before their Windows (the lower part where­of, is only a woodden shutter, and the upper part glass) so that they look more like Prisons than Houses of Reception; some few Houses there are of late erection, that are built in a better form, with good Walks and Gardens about them, but their Fruit rarely comes to any perfection. The Houses of the Commonalty are very mean, Mud-wall and Thatch the best; but the poorer sort live in such miserable Hutts as never eye beheld, it is no difficulty to piss over them; Men, Women, and Children pigg altogether in a poor Mouse-hole of Mu [...], Heath, and such like matter, in some parts where Turf is plentiful; they build up little Cabbins [Page 11] with Arched Roofs of Turf, without a stick of Timber in it; when the House is dry enough to burn, it serves them for Fuel, and they remove to another. The Habit of the People is very different, according to the qualities or the places they live in, as Low-land or High-land Men. The Low-land Gentry go well enough habited, but the poorer sort go (almost) naked, only an old Cloak, or a part of their Bed-cloaths thrown over them. The Highlanders wear slashed Doublets, commonly without Breeches, only a Plad tyed about their Wasts, &c. thrown over one shoulder, with short Stockings to the Gartering place, their knees and part of their thighs being naked; others have Breeches and Stockings all of a piece of Plad ware, close to their thighs; in one side of their Girdle sticks a Durk or Skean, about a foot or half a yard long, very sharp, and the back of it filed into divers notches, wherein they put Poyson; on the other side a brace (at least) of brass Pistols; nor is this Honour sufficient, if they can purchase more, they must have a long swinging Sword.

The Women are commonly two-handed tools, strong-posted Timber, they dislike English men because they have no leggs, or (like themselves) posts to walk on; the meaner go bare-foot and bare-head, with two black Elflocks on ei­ther side their faces; some of them have scarce any Cloaths at all, save part of their Bed-cloaths pinn'd about their shoulders, and their Children have nothing else on them but a little Blanket; those Women that can purchase Plads, need not bestow much upon other Cloaths, these Cover-sluts being sufficient. Those of the best sort that are very well habited in their modish Silks, yet must wear a Plad o­ver all for the Credit of their Countrey.

The people are Proud, Arrogant, Vain-glorious boasters, Bloody, Barbarous, and Inhuman Butchers. Couzenage and Theft is in perfection amongst them, and they are perfect English-haters, they shew their pride in exalting themselves and depressing their Neighbours. When the Palace at [Page 12] Edenburgh is finished, they expect his Majesty will leave his rotten House at White-Hall, and live splendidly amongst his nown Countrey-men the Scots; for they say that English­men are very much beholden to them that we have their King amongst us. The Nobility and Gentry Lord it over their poor Tenants, and use them worse than Gally-slaves; they are all bound to serve them, Men, Women, and Chil­dren; the first Fruits is always the Landlords due, he is the Man that must first board all the young Married Women within his Lairdship, and their Sons are all his Slaves, so that any mean Laird will have 6 or 10. or more followers, besides those of his own name, that are inferiour to him, must all attend him (as he himself must do his Superiour, of the same name, and all of them attend the Chief) if he receives a Stranger, all this train must be at his beck Armed as afore­said; if you drink with them in a Tavern, you must have all this Rubbish with you; and if you offend the Laird, his Durk shall soon be sheathed in your Belly, and after his, every one of his Followers, or they shall suffer themselves that refuse it, that so they may be all alike guilty of the Mur­der: Every Laird (of note) hath a Gibbit near his House, and has power to Condemn and Hang any of his Vassals; so they dare not oppose him in any thing, but must submit to his Commands, let them be never so unjust and Tyranical. There are too many Testimonies of their Cruelty amongst themselves in their own Chronicles, 40 of their Kings have been Barbarously Murdered by them, and half as many more have either made away themselves for fear of their torturing of them, or have dyed miserably in streight Im­prisonment. What strange Butcheries have been committed in their feuds, some of which are in agitation at this day, viz. Argile with the Macclanes, and Mac Donnels about Mula Island, which has cost already much blood, and is likely will cost much more before it will be decided; their spirits are so mean, that they rarely Rob, but take away life first, lying in Ambuscade, they send a brace of Bullets on Embassy [Page 13] through the Travellars body; and to make sure work, they sheath their Durks in his liveless trunk; perhaps to take off their fire edges, as new Knives are stuck in a Bag-pudding. If an Highlander be injured, those of his own name must defend him, and will certainly have satisfaction from the Offenders: A late instance whereof was at Inverness, (a considerable Town) where one of the Macdonnels was slain, but shortly the chief of the Name came down against the Town with 1500 Men of his own Name, and threatned to sire the Town, but the Inhabitants compounded with them for 2000 l.

Their Cruelty descends to their Beasts, it being a custom in some places to feast upon a living Cow they tye in the middle of them, near a great sire, and then cut collops of this poor living Beast, and broil them on the fire, till they have mangled her all to pieces; nay, sometimes they will only cut of as much as will satisfie their present Appetites, and let her go till their greedy Stomacks calls for a new supply; such horrible Cruelty as can fearce be parallel'd in the whole world! Their Theft is so well known that it needs no proving, they are forced to keep Watch over all they have, to secure it; their Cattle are watch'd day and night, or o­therwise they wou'd be over-grown by morning. In the Highlands they do it publickly before the face of the Sun, if one Man has two Cows, and another wants, he shall soon supply himself from his Neighbour, who can find no remedy for it. The Gentry keep an Armory in their own Houses, furnish'd with several sorts of fire Arms, Pikes and Halbe [...]ts, with which they Arm their followers, to secure themselves from the Rapine of their Neighbourhood. The Lowland Language may be well enough understood by an English­man, but the Highlanders have a peculiar Lingua to them­selves, which they call Erst, unknown to most of the Low­land men, except only in those places that border on them, where they can speak both: Yet these People are so currish, that if a Stranger inquire the way in English, they will cer­tainly answer in Erst, and find no other Language than what [Page 14] is forc'd from them with a Cudgel. If Cornelius Agrippa had travelled Scotland, sure Cookery had not been found in his Vanity of Sciences, such is their singular skill in this Art, that they may defie the world to rival them; King James's Treat for the Devil, that is a Poll of Ling, a Joll of Sturgeon, and a Pigg, with a pipe of Tobacco for digestion, had been very compleat, if the ordering thereof had been assigned to a Cuke of this Countrey, who can sute every dish with its proper hogoe, and bring Corruption to your Table, only to mind Men of Mortality: Their Meat is Carrion when 'tis kill'd, but after it has been a Fortnight a perfuming with the Aromatick air, strained through the calmy trunks of Flesh flies, then it passes the tryal of fire under the care of one of those exquisite Artists, and is dish'd up in a Sea of sweet Scotch Butter, and so cover'd and served hot up to the Table: O how happy is he that is placed next to it, with a priviledge to uncover it, and receive the hot steams of this dainty dish, almost sufficient to cure all Distempers. It will be needless to instance in particulars so plain and evident to all that have travell'd through the Countrey, that they may certainly bear away the Bell from all their Neighbouring Nations, or indeed from the whole world. Their Nobility and Gentry have Tables plentifully enough furnish'd, but few or none of them have their Meat better order'd: To put ones head into their Kitchen-doors, is little less than destructive; to enter Hell alive, where the black Fairies are busied in mangling dead Carcases, and the Fire and Brimstone, or rather stew and stinck, is ready to suffo­cate you, and yet (which is strange) these things are agree­able to the humours of the people. The Poorer sort live of Haddock, Whiting, and sower Milk, which is cryed up and down their Streets (Whea buyes sawer Milk) and up­on the stinking Fragments that are left at their Lairds Ta­ble. Prodigious Stomacks, that like the Gulon, can feed on their own Excrements, and strain their Meat through their Stomacks, to have the pleause of devouring it again!

Their Drink is Ale made of Beer-Malt, and sunned up in a small Vessel, called a Cogne; after it has stood a few hours, they drink it out of the Cogne, Yest and all; the bet­ter sort Brew it in larger quantities, and drink it in wooden Queighs, but it is sorry stuff, yet excellent for preparing Birdlime; but Wine is the great drink with the Gentry, which they pour in like Fishes, as if it were their natural Element; the Glasses they drink out of, are considerably large, and they always fill them to the brim, and away with it; some of them have arrived at the perfection to tope Brandy at the same rate: sure these are a Bowl above Bacchus, and of right ought to have a nobler Throne than a Hogshead.

Musick they have, but not the Harmony of the Sphears, but loud terrene noises, like the bellowing of Beasts; the loud Bagpipe is their chief delight, Stringed Instruments are too soft to penetrate the organs of their ears that are only pleased with sounds of substance.

The High-ways in Scotland are tolerably good, which is the greatest comfort a Traveller meets with amongst them; they have not Inns, but Change houses (as they call them) poor small Cottages, where you must be content to take what you find, perhaps Eggs with Chucks in them, and some Lang-Cale; at the better sort of them, a dish of chop'd Chickens, which they esteem a dainty dish, and will take it unkindly if you do not eat very heartily of it, though for the most part you may make a Meal with the sight of the Fare, and be satisfied with the steam only, like the Inhabi­tants of the World in the Moon; your Horses must be sent to a Stablers (for the Change-houses have no Lodging for them) where they may feed voluptuously on Straw only, for Grass is not to had, and Hay is so much a Stranger to them, that they are scarce familiar with the name of it.

The Scotch Gentry commonly travel from one Friends House to another, so seldom make use of a Change-house; their way is to hire a Horse and a Man for two pence a [Page 16] Mile; they ride on the Horse 30 or 40 Miles a day, and the Man who is his Guide, foots it beside him, and carries his Luggage to boot. The best sort keep only a Horse or two for themselves and their best Friend, all the rest of the train foot it beside them. The Commonalty are so used to wor­ship and adore their Lairds, that when they see a Stranger in any tolerable equipage, they honour him with the title of Laird at least, An't please you my Laird such a one, or an't please you my Laird D [...]. at every bare word forsooth.

The Nobility shew themselves very great before Stran­gers, they are conducted into the House by a many of Ser­vants, where the Lord with his troop of Shadows receives them with the grand Paw, then enter into some discourse of their Countrey, till you are presented with a great Queigh of syrrup of Beer, after that a glass of White-wine, then a Rummer of Claret, and sometimes after that a glass of Sherry Sack, and the [...] begin the round with Ale again, and ply you briskly, for it's their way of shewing you'r Wel­come, by making you Drunk; if you have longer time to stay, you stick close to Claret, till Bacchus wins the Field; and leaves the conquer'd Victims groveling on the place where they received their overthrow; at your departure you must drink a D [...]ngha Doras, in English, a Stirrup cup, and have the satisfaction to have my Lords Bagpipe (with his loud Pipes, with his Lordships Coat Armor on a Flag) strut about you, and enchant you with a Loth to depart.

Their Money is commonly Dollars, or Mark pieces, coined at Edenbrough, but their way of Reckoning is sur­prizing to a Stranger; to receive a Bill of 100 l. in one of their Change-house, when one wou'd not suppose they had any of the value of 100 pence; they call a Penny a Shil­ling, and every 20 Shillings, viz. 20 pence, a Pound; so the proportion of their Pound to ours is twelve to one. Stran­gers are sure to be grosly imposed upon in all their Change-houses, and there is no redress for it: If an English-man shou'd complain to their Magistrates, they wou'd all [Page 17] take a part against him, and make sure to squeze him.

The conclusion of the Abridgment of the Scotch Chronicle, is the rare and wonderful things of that Countrey; as in Orkney, their Ews bring forth two Lambs a piece; that in the Northermost of Shetland Islands, about the Summer Solslict, there is no Night; that in the Park of Cumbernaule are white Kine and Oxen; that at Slanes there is a putrifying water in a Cove; that at Aberdeen is a Vitriolin Well, that they say is excellent to dissolve the Stone, and expel Sand from the Reins and Bladder, and good for the Colick, be­ing drunk in July, &c. These Prodigious wonders in one Countrey are admirable, but these are not half of them. Lougness never freezes; in Lough Lommond are Fishes without sins: And 2dly. The Waters thereof rage in great waves without Wind in calm weather: And 3dly. and lastly, Therein is a floating Island: In Kyle is a deaf Rock 12. foot every way, yet a Gun discharged on one side of it, shall not be heard to the other. In another place is a Rocking-stone of a reasonable bigness, that if a Man push it with his finger, it will move very lightly, but if he address his whole force, it availeth nothing; with many more marvels of like nature, which I wou'd rather believe than go thither to disprove. To conclude the whole bulk and selvedge of this Countrey, is all Wonder too great for me to unriddle, there I shall leave it as I found it, with its agreeable Inha­tants in