NO sooner did the Grey-Ey'd Morning Peep,
And yawning Mortals stretch themselves from sleep,
Finders of Gold were now but newly past,
And Basket-Women did to Market hast,
The Watchmen were but just returning home,
To give the Thieves more Liberty to Roam,
[Page 2] When from a Hill, by growing Beams of Light,
A s [...]tely Pile was offered to the Sight;
Three Spacious Doors let Passengers go through,
And distant Stones did terminate their view:
Just here, as Ancient Poets Sing, there stood
The Noble Palace of the Valiant [...]ud,
His Image now appears in Portland Stone,
Each side supported by a Godlike Son.
But underneath all the Three Heroes Shine,
In Living Colours, drawn upon a Sign,
Which shows the way to Ale, but not to Wine.
Near is a Place enclosed with Iron-Bars,
Where many Mortals Curse their Cruel Stars,
When brought by Usurers into distress,
For having Little, still must Live on less;
Stern Avarice keeps the Relentless Door,
And bids each Wretch Eternally be Poor.
[Page 3] Hence
Hunger rises, dismally he Stalks,
And takes each single Pris'ner in his Walks:
This Duty done, the meager Monster s [...]ares,
Holds up his Bones, and thus begins his Prayers,
Thou Goddess Famin that Canst send us blights,
With Parching heat by Day, and Storm by Nights,
Assist me now, so may all Lands be thine,
And shoals of Orphans at thy Altars Pine;
Long may thy Reign continue on each shore,
Whereever Peace and Plenty liv'd before;
I must confess, that to thy gracious hand
I Widows owe that are at my Command;
I Joy to hear their Numerous Childrens Cries,
And bless thy Power to find they've no supplies,
I Thank thee for those Martyrs who would flie,
From Supe [...]ous Ri [...]es and Tyranny,
And find their fullness of reward [...] me.
[Page 4] But 'tis with much Humility I own,
That generous favour you have lately shown,
When Men that bravely have their Country serv'd,
Receiv'd the just reward that they deserv'd,
And are prefer'd to me, and shall be starv'd.
I can, but with regret, I can despise
Innumerable of the London Cries:
When Pease, and Maccarel, with their Harsher sound,
The tender Organs of my Ears confound;
But that which makes my projects all miscarry,
Is this Inhuman fatal Furmetary.
Not far from hence, just by the Bridge of Fleet,
With Spoon and Porringer, and Napkin Neat,
A Faithless Syren does entice the Sence,
By Fumes of Viands with she does dispence
To Mortal Stomachs for rewarding Pence.
Whilst each Mans earliest Thoughts would banish me,
Who have no other Oracle but thee.
WHilst such like Prayers keen Hunger would advance,
Fainting and Weakness threw him in a Trance.
Famin took Pity on her careful Slave,
And kindly to him this Assistance gave.
She took the Figure of a Thin Parch'd Maid,
Who many Years had for a Husband staid;
And coming near to Hunger thus she said;
My Darling Son, whilst Peace and Plenty smile,
And Happiness would over-run this Isle,
I Joy to see, by this thy present care,
I've still some [...] remaining since the War,
[Page 6] In spite of us,
A. does on Venison seed,
And Bread and Butter is for B. Decreed;
C, D. combines with E, F's generous Soul
To pass their Minutes with the sparkling Bowl,
H, I's good Nature from his endless store
Is still confering Blessings on the Poor,
For none, except 'tis K. regards them more.
L, M, N, O, P, Q. is vainly great,
And squanders half his substance in a Treat;
Nice Eating by R, S. is understood,
T's Supper, though 'tis little, yet 'tis good;
V's Conversation's equal to his Wine,
You sup with W. when e'er you Dine.
X, Y, and Z▪ hating to be confin'd,
Ramble to the next Eating-House they find.
Pleasant, good Humour'd, Beautiful and Gay,
Sometimes with Musick, and sometimes with Play,
Prolong their Pleasures till the approaching Day.
[Page 7] And per se And alone as Poets use,
The starving Dictates of my Rules pursues;
No Swinging Coachman does afore him shine,
Nor has he any Constant place to dine,
But all his Notions of a meal are mine.
Hast, hast, to him, a Blessing give from me,
And bid him Write sharp things on Furmetry;
But I would have thee to Coffedro go,
And let Tobacco too thy business know,
With Famous Teedrums in this case advice,
Rely on Sagoe, who is always wise.
Amidst such Counsel banish all despair,
Trust me, you shall succeed in this affair:
That project which they Furmetary call,
Before next Breakfast time shall surely fall.
[Page 8] This said, she quickly vanish'd in a Wind
Had long within her Body been confin'd;
Thus Hercules when he his Mistress found,
Soon knew her by her Scent, and by her Sound.
HUnger rejoyc'd to hear the blest Command,
That Furmetary should no longer stand;
With speed he to Coffeedro's Mansion flies,
And bids the pale-fac'd Mortal quickly rise;
Arise, my Friend, for upon thee do wait,
Dismal Events and Prodigies of Fate!
'Tis break of Day, thy Sooty Broth prepare
And all thy other Liquors for a War,
Rouse up Tobacco, whose delicious sight,
Illuminated round with Beams of Light,
To my Impatient Mind will Cause Delight.
[Page 10] How will he Conquer Nostrils that presume
To stand the attack of his Impetuous Fume,
Let Handsome Teedrums too be call'd to Arms,
For he has Courage in the midst of Charms;
Sago with Counsel fills his wakeful Brains,
But then his Wisdom Countervails his Pains;
'Tis he shall be your Guide, he shall effect
That Glorious Conquest which we all expect:
The brave Hectorvus, shall Command this force
He'll meet Tubcarrio's Foot, or which is worse,
Oppose the fury of Carmanniels Horse.
For his Reward, this he shall have each day,
Drink Coffee, then strut out, and never pay.
It was not long e'er the Grandees were met,
And round News-Papers, in full Order set,
Then Sago rising said, I hope you hear,
Hungers advice with an Obedient Ear,
[Page 11] Our great design admits of no delay,
Famine Commands, and we must all Obey;
That Syren which does Furmetary keep,
Long since is risen from the Bands of Sleep,
Her Spoons and Porringers, with Art display'd
Many of Hungers Subjects have betray'd;
To Arms (Hectorvus cry'd:) Coffeedro stout
Issue forth Liquor from thy scalding Spout,
Great One-and-All-i gives the first Alarms,
Then each Man snatches up offensive Arms.
To Ditch of Fleet, Couragiously they Run,
Quicker than thought, the Battle is begun:
Hectorvus first Tubcarrio does attack,
And by surprize soon lays him on his Back;
Thirsto, and Drowtho, then approaching near,
Soon overthrow two Magazines of Beer.
The Innocent Sirena little thought
That all these Arms against her self were brought,
Nor that in her defence the Drink was spilt
How could she fear that never yet knew Guilt!
Her fragrant Juice, and her delicious Plumbs
She does dispense, (with Gold upon her Thumbs)
Virgins and Youths around her stood; she State,
Inviron'd with a Wooden Chair of State.
In the mean time Tobacco strives to Vex
A numerous Squadron of the Tender Sex,
What with strong smoak, and with his stronger Breath
He Funks Basketia, and her Son to Death.
Coffeedro then with Teedrums, and the Band,
Who carryed scalding Liquors in their Hand,
[Page 13] Throws Watry Amunition in their Eyes,
On which Syrena's party, frightned Flies:
Carmannio Straight drives up a Bulwork strong
And Horse opposes to Coffeedro's throng.
Coledrivio stands for bright Syrena's Guard,
And all her rallied Forces are prepar'd;
Carmannio then to Teedrums Squadron makes,
And the Lean Mortal by the Buttons Takes
Not Teedrums Arts Carmannio could beseech,
But his rough Valour throws him in the Ditch,
Syrena, tho' surpriz'd, resolv'd to be
The Great Bonduca of her Furmetry;
Before her Throne Couragiously she stands,
Managing Ladlesful, with both her hands.
The Numerous Plumbs, like Hail-shot flew about,
And Plenty soon dispers'd the Meager Rout.
So have I seen at Fair that's nam'd from Horn
Many a Ladles blow, by Prentice born;
In vain he strives their Passions to asswage
With Threats would frighten; with soft words engage;
Until thro' Milky Gauntlet Soundly beat,
His Prudent Heels secure a quick Retreat.
Jam (que) opus exegi, quod nec Jovis Ira nec Ignis,
Nec poterit ferrum, nec edax abolere vetustas.
THE END.