TRuth and Dreames (according to the vulgar opinion of men) agree not in one and the ſame ſubject, but are in ſuch eſtranged enmity, that the appearance of the one annihilates the birth of the other: this is a general rule, & therfore approved of; but notwithſtanding there is no generall rule, but it hath an exception, and therefore this muſt participate of the ſame law; for which I ſhall ever acknowledge my ſelfe a ſlave to ſleepe, and a more facile creditour of Dreames; and thoſe that are of a perverted will, that will beleeve nothing, but what ſelfe viſion inſtructeth, let them attend to the enſuing diſcourſe, and when I have concluded, they ſhall ſay this Dreame is true, which now I beginne to rehearſe.

One night (a happie night, the returne to my eaſe and r • ſt, perioded with the end of all my miſeries,) I had no ſooner embarked my fatigated corpes in the couch of nocturnall repoſe, purpoſing to delude my ſorrows with the penſion of ſome pleaſing imagination, when paſſion and Reaſon fell into ſo deſperate a controverſie, that I could in no wiſe judge, but that my vexed ſoule was intirely given up to the furies to bee tormented. The cauſe of this my Buſirian calamity iſſued from that monſtrous Paſiphae, my Miſtris, who deſerved rather the juſt appellation of a cruell Syren, then ſerene female, more reſembling a Cockatrice, then a kind lover; and to call her embraces, mercifull piety, is to appropriate unto her the killing qualities of the attractive Magnes, or rather that inſatiable appetite of Sylla, who chiefly luſteth after an avaritious receiving, not leſſe ruinous, then perpetuall; and indeede I cannot compare her greedy deſire more fitly to any thing, then materia prima, which gapeth after the deſtruction of an abſent forme, to deface that, which now perfects and adornes her deformity; for ſhee making me the cadaver of her love to feede her helluous gorge, never ceaſed to crave, untill ſhe had induced this new forme of poverty, which I am now actuated with; nor had I as yet emerged my low-ſunck ſenſes out of the impriſoning dungeon of love, had my gold and treaſure continued But in fine, as I may ſay, in the bottome of my ſtore, when parſimony comes too late, my hands were not ſo yellow in the palmes, nor could my pockets afford a gingling chearefulneſſe; the clouds of perfumes, I uſed to walke in, were diſperſed, the Cuchinell, Arabian tinctures, ſericall vermines endeavours, Hydaſpian floods, and Orientall luſters were faded, dead, dryed up, and ſhipwracked, and I deſolate in the wilderneſſe of diſdiſdaine; and now at leſt veſted in the ſheepes ruggedneſſe, determined rather to bee a martyr (as indeede I both was, and ſtill remaine) then a confeſſor: for finding my ſelfe culpable of nothing but poverty, and moſt aſſured my poverty was ſo low and deſperate, and my fortune ſo disjoynted, that it was an impoſſible apprehenſion to conceive any amendment, I knew it was frivolous to confeſſe, becauſe I was uncapable of abſolution: Nay, finding my ſelfe in ſuch a deſperation of redreſſe, the vehemence of my diſtracted cogitations diſpoſſeſſed mee of my ſenſes, compelling them to the ſilent yoake of ſleepe. But yet kind Morpheus was ſo benigne, that hee charmed not my phanſie to the ſubmiſſion of that ſlothfull dulneſſe, but gave it free liberty to act its dumbe tragecomedies.

Thus was the ſentinell of my pentarchical ſouldiers permitted to reſt; and thoſe other interiour demeſticks, whoſe tyred ſpirits had not ſufference to march on in nocturnall obſcurity, cloſed up their incorporeall eyes, with a ſoft whiſper to the pavilion of their ſilence: when the dreaming ſenſe (that workes up mountaines of admiration, which prove but mole-hills in the morning) ambled about, like Will-with-the wiſpe, dauncing rounde layes through the Morphean meadowes, and in ſhort ſpace entred the Iſle of Cyprus, and (phanſie being my guide) I immediately ſeemed to be at the great Court of Love, where I found a by-pathed gate, which led me into Loves pleaſant garden; better and more proper had I ſaid, if I had ſaid, it appeared pleaſant, becauſe it was Loves garden, and moreover the apparition was a dreame, and therefore of ſmall eſtimation with the watchfull; and I may alſo terme it pleaſant Ironically, becauſe it is not that which Poets vaunt of, when the Heliconian ſtreames allay the tumor of a love ſick ſoule, but rather a banke of weedes pullulating too abundantly with rugged▪ nettles, ulcerous traſh, and poyſoning flowers.

Walking on, I eſpied the bloody Mulbery, at the foote whereof lay the worme-eaten bones of that paire, which Cupids fury committed to the tragedy of a ſlaughtering ſword. Here I began to per • patize and philoſophate upon the force and efficacie of this paſſion, that occaſioned this murder, untill at laſt I caſt my eyes upon the virgin Laurell, which although it grew without the garden walles, yet was it in ſuch an e'evation, that I ſaw it, or at leaſt ſeemed to ſee it, and paſſing neerer to it, I began to contemplate Apollos happineſſe (according to the vaporous ſpecies that then did ſwimme in my braine) when Daphnes metamorphoſis commanded the amorous flood of his ſpring-tide-paſsion to retire. Well might I ſay and reiterate my ſpeeches; Thy labyrinth of diſcontent was fortunatly cut downe, and abbreviated by a deified fury, ſince thy labour, care, and vigilance was all aboliſhed and remitted to repoſe, by a ſcornefull ſpeede, or ſpeedy ſcorne: happy, O thrice happie I, had ſuch benevolent fortune encountered me in the birth, or baptiſme of my amorous engagement: for I plainely ſee, that diſdaine is a ſweete cur • e, eſpecially, when it is ſo killing, that it breedes a careleſſe in the diſdained Lover, other wiſe it uſhereth on his owne miſerie, forcing a man to conſume his whole patrimony to buy diſdaine for a captive, as my adverſity, or adverſe love, (which wee may juſtly nominate diſdaine) recompenſed my ſollicitude with ruinous effects.

But yet I muſt audaciouſly condemne Apollo, for that his immoderate deſire permitted a violent rap • ure to eclipſe the rayes of his judicious wiſedom • ; neither will I adventure to blame him for loving, but for invading a virgin ſo openly, with ſuch laſcivious fervour, & ſuch obſcene ſpeeches▪ for Virgins are not onely coy at the firſt congratulation, but alſo modeſt and full of bluſhing: obſcene words are worſe then the deede it ſelfe, and therefore if you will purchaſe your deſir • , you muſt chuſe darkeneſſe to bee your guide and ſpeaker, and your evidence muſt not bee, what you can ſay, but what you can doe: for know, that ſilence with action is a maidens delight. But beſides all this, if a liberall hand be not ſtretched forth, you ſhall often ſee the back-ſide of your idole, then her ſmiling countenance. And this was great Apollos errour; for hee that generateth gold and ſilver, which in this age are the Circe that bewitcheth the world, the Medea of skill, reducing old decrepidneſſe to a youthfull flouriſhing: even deformity her ſelfe in this looking glaſſe appeares more beautifull then faire Adonis in beauties ardent eves: Haddeſt thou, O Apollo, the dominion of this potent, powerfull, and golden generation, and would'ſt not beſtow a fee upon her thou had'ſt in chaſe? had thy gift beene without intereſt, it would have beene ſtiled a worthineſſe acted for a beauties ſake. How couldeſt thou forget thy Danoe? why didſt not thou reflect upon her, whoſe mute conſent opened her willingneſſe to thy wiſhes? was it not thoſe trickling dropps of gold, that cauſed her to open her lappe, to the end ſhee might containe thee the more? and the more ſhee opened, the more was thy liberty: I cannot conceive any thing more or leſſe, but that Cupids bolt had clouded thy cleareneſſe, ſince that the only winning way was in thy hand, and thy drowſineſſe neglected to executed the ſame.

As thus my fancy waſted invectives againſt the God of Wiſedome, the God of Love inſtantly placed himſelfe before me, all naked, with his harneſſe of artilery, as hee is accuſtomed to bee painted: yet was he not blind, as frequently his delineation inſtructeth, but either hath recovered his ſight, or at leaſt conſerveth that which hee never loſt: nevertheleſſe his nakedneſſe ceaſeth not to beg an almes of the diſtreſſed wretch, and will make no conſcience to ſteale away cloathes from him that hath but one veſtment, for hee regards not whom he non-ſuites. In fine, I adoring him for a ſupreme deity, implored his ayde, thereby hoping to extract my ſelfe forth of that tediouſneſſe, which his power had wrapped mee in. But he ſmiling tooke me by the hand, and ſtep by ſtep leading me through his maskering ſhades, read my ſecret objections in this manner.

I perceive the diſcription which your eyes have read in admiring me, hath ſufficiently informed you, who I am, although your mentall complaints vaile your dull ignorance in a cloud of greater darkneſſe; becauſe I finde your errour, which hath alwaies conſtituted, or at leaſt conceived me to be Archbiſhop of unity and divine love: which prerogative, as it is but nominall and of your imp • ſition, ſo it is a reall miſtake, for • ome it is nomen falſum, et titulus ſine re: for my name is Cupido, which more ſerious reflection wil explicate to be Covetouſneſſe; you may call me Vnion abuſively, becauſe covetouſneſſe aymes at the union of treaſure; you may call mee alſo love, becauſe covetouſneſſe loveth treaſure or riches: if therefore any fault can bee imagined, make an intuit into your owne endeavours, and my name, and you will confeſſe your owne blindneſſe: looke upon your owne loſſes, and you will conclude, that I am not onely the god of Covetouſneſſe, but alſo of Intereſt, becauſe Covetouſneſſe includes Intereſt.

The Platoniſts indeede, being of a generous opinion, ſay, I am liberall, which appeareth by my nakedneſſe; and the Poets alſo affirme the ſame; but I thinke they might aſwell aſſume liberality to themſelves, unleſſe they were better furniſhed with money and apparrell; this fiction is their miſery, for they are ſo in love with their owne Genius, Hippocrene or Helicon, that they take care for no more then a ſhirt to ſhift themſelves, when they come forth of theſe bathes: Alas, theſe penetrate not the depth of my craft; for I goe not thus diſrobed, becauſe I am a largitious and profuſe diſperſer of my owne patrimony, but contrarywiſe, becauſe I am miſerable and covetous. For I have my Cheſts and Coffers well filled with Gold and treaſure, & my guard robe plentifully furniſhed with all ſorts and faſhions of cloathes; I only put on this face of poverty, becauſe I am perpetually veſted anew; and the ofter I ſhew my penury, the more bagges I heape up in my treaſure-houſe. You may now therefore at this knowledge, Epimetheus like, weepe away your folly, and come to repentance before you ſterve.

Could you be ſo ſimple, as to thinke, I were prodigall and generous, and yet never beſtowed any thing on ſo faithfull a ſervant as your ſelfe? perhaps you imagined I had given all away, but the next rent day, it would fall to your ſhare. Attend therefore, and I will fructifie your apprehenſion with the declaration of all thoſe that are ſubject to this erroneous miſtake.

Cupido or Cupid is the worlds deſire; it is that baſer heape of love, which mundane creatures adore: for being that all things deſire to be united with that, which is moſt agreeable to their naturall condition, & this love being mundane, as the creatures themſelves are, therefore they naturally thirſt after this love: This is gold and all ſublunary treaſure, extracted out of the bowels of this terrene globe, that cauſeth ſo much enamoration: this is the gemmiſh miſchiefe, which infernall Dis or Pluto the worlds Vſurer and grand Biſhop is patron of; who hath conſtituted mee his Bayliefe, to gather his tythes, tenths, and intereſt; granting full power to extort not onely tenthes, but twenties, nay in every hundred halfe, or all if I can clutch it: becauſe my covetous appetite muſt for ſmall curteſies receive triple, yes tenfold Intereſt: and for this cauſe I am called amongſt the wiſeſt the Vſurers bagge, or the god of Intereſt, and onely in an oblique kinde ſtiled the God of love, onely to ſignifie that all love Intereſt. For it is the ganderwiſe traine of Ignoramus his ſcholers, who take me to be the potent peere, and open-handed God, that gives eaſe to all paſsions, that ſavour of the fury of an amorous deſire, darting golden ſhafts which unite ſoules in heavenly harmony, never to feele miſery after this ſtroke, when really there is no ſuch thing within the whole latitude of my power.

For I muſt ingenuouſly confeſſe, that there is no true love, no true union, no true delight, but proceedes from the ſupreme divinity, the pure and immateriall eſſence of the omnipotent King, and ſole ruler of all celeſtiall and terreſtiall creatures: it is the love which hee powers downe upon us, that ſupernaturall bounty, which by how much the more it is fought for, ſo much the more is the increaſe of it; for it is a communicative delight, whoſe chiefe propriety is perpetually to ſtreame into the hearts and ſoules of all that are capeable thereof: This love is free, liberall, profuſe, truely generous, and without limitation; ſwifter then thought, vaſter then the concave of this univerſe, which is but a narrow ſtage, if divine love ſhould act upon it: And therefore, if ſimplicians conceit they ſhall finde this profundity in my ebnes, they deceive their expectation, and will in the end lament the ſhallownes of their ſequeſtred intelligence. Friend, you conceive Intereſt to be liberality, and take poverty by the hand, if you goe to meete me in a generous weede: for when you receive a kiſſe by my direction, it may chance to make you undergoe a twelve moneths penance, or, as it hath now, groane under a ſeven yeares ſervitude: I have knowne a ſmile fetch off all the fleſh of a mans back, and the giving of a handkerchiefe coſt more then it would hold, had it beene filled with diamonds, to requite the kindneſſe; becauſe nothing is given by mee or mine, but it hath a hooke in the end, that brings backe a double Intereſt.

If therefore you will rightly know my name, I am the god of Intereſt, begot of Laſcivious covetouſneſſe, Bayliefe to Dis, and Pander to the world. And becauſe you are in the court of Cyprus, and peradventure may not ſo ſuddainely conſent to this, which I have affirmed in my ſhort narration, I will favour you ſo much, as to ſhew you my Vniverſity, or ſchooles of Intereſt, which (thanks be to fooles) is the moſt populous, moſt ample, and moſt famous Vniverſitie in the world, where the women proceede graduates, and the men degradates, and all under my moderation, wearing the ſignet of this faculty, as regiſtred here form their matriculation, even unto the honour of doctorates, and the men dumbe-pocketed-dunce-pates. In ſpeaking this, I found my ſelfe conducted neere to a very large poarch, whoſe frontiſpiece contained theſe words in capitall letters, and of gold.

And under this title was inſerted this tetraſticon, not leſſe curious for the golden ſhew, then dangerous for thoſe that ſhould enter the port.

No ſooner had I conceived theſe words, but the effect that the Remora cauſes to a ſhippe, the very ſame theſe cautions words wrought in my demurring limbes, where I ſtood as if I had beene thunder-ſtrucke, or confined by the power of a ſpel to a foot-broad peece of ground: for conſidering the poore condition of my ayery purſe (ayery I may call it, becauſe there was not one peny in it to expulſe that element) I had no motion left in mee to performe the obligation, which my curioſity exacted by entring therein; ſince I was not more free from any thing, then how to free my ſelfe from this imminent voyage: untill at length my Patron raiſed up my ſpirits, and animated my cowardize; ſaying.

This lingring ſtop, which you now practiſe, argues not ſo much a fainting ſpirit; as an unreflective and dull wit; for ſince you have nothing to looſe, you need not feare robbing, and for any violence, it is againſt the rules of our Vniverſitie: you onely enter now with mee to ſee, not to bee circled in the liſt of a Collegian in my Vniverſity: and therefore be audacious; for if my courtiers ſee ſuch a dejected perſon brought into their ſchooles, they will not onely laugh you to ſcorne for a woodcocke, but ſo amaze your abject and degenerous appearance with the very clamour of a ridiculous ſound, that you will faint when you fixe your feete: bee couragious, for my female traine is not altogether that ſort of Nunnes, where you muſt pay for what you ſee; but rather like a faire or great market, where you ſhall ſee for love, and buy for money.

Thus the obſtacle beeing removed, the dead palſey in my joynts was expulſed by a warmth, which gave mee freedome to walke, untill wee came to the ſecond port, which gave entrance to all the claſſes, which (God willing) as Cupid did open them to me, I will open them in order to you, in the forme following. I caſting up my head eſpied a faire character with theſe words.

Vnder which was this diſtick ſubſiged. Silver, Gold, and all rich treaſure Js our ſearch and chiefeſt pleaſure. After my conductor had entred I made bold to follow, and finding my ſelfe in a large and ſpacious hall, whole ſeverall ports gave me to underſtand, that I was now environed rond about with all the claſſes, and conſequently with all the ſciences Loves Vniverſitie contained.

Cupid turning himſelfe towards mee, ſaid; now friend you are in Loves Vniverſity, where you ſhall preſently ſee women of ſeverall ages, witts, and beauties, who teach their maſculine diſciples the liberall arts, ſo that thoſe, who are moſt prompt in this faculty of liberality, with moſt celeritie proceede graduates. Here be many Colledges, over which I am Preſident; and although you may condemne the overſeers, for that they bruſh not and cleanſe their chambers, as it is the cuſtome in other Vniverſities, yet you muſt know, that we abhorre ſo much this quality, that if a pretendent have but a cleanſed purſe or pocket, which hath beene bruſhed by an extracting ſet of fingers, wee immediately expulſe him out of our Vniverſity. The men are all of the tribe of Dan, but it is to be underſtood paragogically, for we aſcribe them de tribu Dant, as a more proper appellation according to the condition of their quotidian exerciſe. The women are de tribu Levi, but you muſt note that it is cautiouſly to be applied, and underſtood, for they are never Leves, quando pecuniarum ſummae ſunt breves: but onely quando altera lanx ponderoſior eſt, levifacit eas. And in ſpeaking this we arrived at the firſt claſſe, which had theſe verſes engraved on the doore.

I was no ſooner entred this ſpacious claſſe, but at one glance I vewed an innumerable number of beauties, which ſhined like ſo many ſunnes in a cleare and ſerene morning, had not their hooking talents informed otherwiſe: and as children begin to ſqueale out their leſſons, when their Maſter enters the ſchoole, the ſame feare of ſtripes (as I ſuppoſe) poſſeſſed theſe darlings: for they had no ſooner caſt their eyes upon their grand Maſter Cupid, but they began to voyce it forth with all ſorts of tones: I perceived they were all perfect in their ſyllables, both Engliſh & Latine. But I obſerved moreover an unheard of method, which they obſerved alſo as a precept; for the youthfull gallants were ſeated all of one rancke, and over againſt them the dainty minions, theſe propoſing with a notable lifted voyce this mono ſyllable, da, da; to whom the young petitioners anſwered in as high a note, do, do; And thus enterchangably did they onely ſit ſmiling at each other, reiterating this ſhort ode, or odious ſharpenes, which tumult ſeeming offenſive to my eares, I directed my ſteppes towards ſome other damſells, which were writing, and learners as I perceived after: I viewed and peruſed the comely and decen • forme of their letters, and praiſed the handſome ſhape, and even poſition thereof; to which ſhee whom I praiſed anſwered.

Wonder not that a girle ſo young ſhould become ſo perfect a ſcribe; for although I wholly bend my deſire and willingneſſe hereto, yet know moreover, that our God hath in ſtiled into my fingers a dexterity, adopted for the ſame, and laſt of all I am ſo fitted with inſtruments conducing to my intent, that you could not but condemne mee of dulneſſe, if I were not a very famous proficient.

Whileſt my attention obſerved her ſpeeches, my eye carried another ſpecies to the common ſenſe, and ſo it paſſed to thoſe other more perfect powers; and what was it, but that theſe damſel • s pennes were all made of Harpies wings and other ravenous birds, ſuch as are Hankes, Cormorants and the reſt, whoſe avaritious livng they imitated. Nothing more ſeriouſly ſome others, many of them began alwaies with, Received, Received: ſome were writing letters of Exchange, others to ſet ſlaves free, becauſe they could not comply with the demand of their miſtreſſes: ſome reading what their amorous ſervants had preſented them with: theſe regiſtring the promiſes of their lovers: ſome noting downe the uſe of lippes, ſo many peeces; halfe a dozen courteſies, three ſmiles, a dozen of noddes, foure beckes, a quarter of an houres talke, the promiſe of a meeting, and a million of ſuch engagements, every one with a hanging ſeale, as the clogge of Intereſt.

I wondred that I could not ſee any thing concerning diſburſements, wherupon I demanded of Cupid, whether there was any or noe: We have a booke, anſwered he; which he ſhewed me, and it was one in folio, whoſe ſuperſcription was, A memorandum of diſburſements; which I evolving, found from the beginning to the end nothing but blankes: at which I wondering more then before, Cupid ſaid to me, we have no disburſements of the female ſide, becauſe it is their proper office to receive, not to pay: and this booke was made for the courtiers which my female flocke entertaines, but they more lofty ſpirited then purſewiſe, climbing up to higher ſchooles in our liberall ſciences, ſcorned to diſgrace themſelves in this primary with the ſetting downe of their charges, left the ſame to be caſt up and numbred at the conſummation of their charges; which before they can attaine unto, their lands are morgag'd, their annuities conſumed, and in fine their whole ſubſtance all powred into their minions Lappes.

But becauſe I ſhould not defatigate my ſelfe in an over-curious peruſuall of theſe cheaters, Cupids call commanded me to progreſſe to the ſecond ſchoole of Rudiments, which is the Accedence to Grammer, where over the port, as before, I reade this leſſon, as an invitance in.

This hall was not onely more ample then the other, but it was alſo better furniſhed with ſtudents of both ſexes, who according to the theme prefixed, conjugated do, das; but with this difference, that the men conjugated through all moodes and tenſes; ſaying, do in the preſent tenſe, dabam in the preterimperfect, dedi, dabo: but the women did onely beate on their commands in the Imperative moode and preſent tenſe, ſaying; da, dato; date, datote. Paſſing ſome thing aſide, where were ſeated the more freſh principiants: I obſerved that after they had made an end of Muſa, (which they tuned forth with a new tune, as beeing the burden to the ſong that began with do) they paſſed to lapis, adjoyning to it the Adjective pretioſus. I asking Cupid the cauſe hereof; hee gave mee this reaſon: the ſecond declination in the rudiments of Emmanuel Aluaro doth not exemplifie by magiſter, but dominus; which word none here dare to pronounce, becauſe of the ſhort and ingardly pronunciation, for our delight is in long and large accents, becauſe wee ſtill expect and waite for thoſe which are liberall, and extend their love in large gifts: therefore if they ſhould decline this word, they muſt obſerve this rule, that the women ſhould decline do minus, and the men do minas, becauſe the other is much againſt our proceeding, for if the men ſhould ſay dominus, they would preſently become dunces, not finding one to inſtruct their ignorance, ſince hee that gives leaſt, knowes leaſt in our ſciences.

Then Cupid commanded one of his ſmiling girles to decline manus; ſhe with an humble obeſance and demure curteſie glancing her optical darts round about, after ſhee had ſetled her ſelfe in a majeſticall compoſure, began thus. Dativo manibus largis, genetivo manuum largarum, for they alwaies annexed adjectives to their ſubſtantives, of which they had a ſet number, fitting their vocation, but yet I hearing the ſweet maide to begin after this unuſuall manner, ſuppoſed ſhee had erred, and began to correct her; but Cupid made anſwer, ſaying; peace friend, for ſhe ſaies well: which when I argued the method of our different conſtitutions, the witty girlemade mee this reply: Sir, we ſtuddy not here that artificiall method which you harpe upon, but that de arte amandi; in which if you will be a perfect caſuiſt, you muſt firſt practiſe cauſes dandi, which is the generall rule in our claſſe prefixed before all other. Although I was ſtuck with admiration of the novelty, yet I was ſo fully ſatisfied with her anſwer, that I had no reaſon left to retort a contrary ſyllable.

But ſince that this (as I thought prepoſterous) anſwer had diſordered ſo, that it bred in mee a miſty confuſion, I made an humble ſupplication to this pretty damſell, that ſhee would rectifie my rudeneſſe, and inſtruct mee in the true poſition of Loves caſes: and in ſpeaking theſe words, I found all to bee certaine which Cupid had formerly declared; for ſhe ſtepped out of her rancke, and holding out her ſpread apron expected my liberality, to unlock her lippes, that her tongue might make my docill underſtanding capeable of her documents; which when I perceived, I was no leſſe aſhamed, then unapt to comply with her mute petition. Whereupon Cupid broke ſilence, ſaying: favour, it is not the cuſtome here to demand any further, be it never ſo ſmall, unleſſe you pay Intreſt for it: for it is not articulating mouth that obtaines freedome in this Vniverſitie, but the purſes mouth, that prevailes, for let the purſe make any ſort of noyſe, it is interpreted to bee the winning language, that no ſooner ſpeakes but is heard, and no ſooner is heard, but it obtaines the maiſters deſire: otherwiſe we obſerve the phyſicall maxime: ex nihilo nihil fit. Notwithſtanding, ſince I promiſed to ſhew you my Vniverſity, I will not be ſlow to give you notice of the orders therin; for you muſt know that none of my diſciples can doe this favour, unleſſe they they would incurre the crime of expulſion, but for mee I am extra regulam.

Advert therefore that the firſt is caſus dandi, and the next caſus gignendi; becauſe the Dative begets the Genitive; and when the Dative is no caſe: that is, not of force, for that the penurious caitive, or ruffinous ſwaggerer hath ſworne and drunke himſelfe not onely out of cloathes, but alſo out of money, then the Genitive is likewiſe no caſe. The Nomnative ſometimes we name, & no more: the Accuſative is not knowne amongſt us, becauſe all muſt be ſo free, that none can bee accuſed of negligence to reward their deareſt. My minions have a rule for the Vocative caſe, which only ſtrike and is termed at their courtiers eares, which is; Qui non eſt Dativus quando Vocatiuus clamitat, non eſt ſodalis Amoris. Yet marke the private rule of the females. When the Vocative endeth in us, the Dative endeth in as. The Ablative is the womans caſe onely, for becauſe they take all, nay they not onely take, but they take away all that is given, never regarding any recompenſe, but onely the common, which is thankes, I am your ſervant, and ſo: and therefore we conſtitute the Dative and the Ablative to be correlatives.

We likewiſe hold the opinion of the Ariſtotelians and true Thomiſtes, that Relatio fundatur in quantitate, this quantitas we ſay is Dativus; and therefore this is our Logicall diſcourſe, Sublato fundamento relationis tollitur ipſa relatio: ſed Dativus eſt fundamentum Ablativi; ergo ſublato dativo aufertur etiam & Ablativus: and what we ſay of the Dative in reſpect of the Ablative, the ſame we likewiſe ſay in liew of the Genitive, quia non admittimus caſum Gignendi, ſi non adfuerit caſus Dandi. Neither be miſtakē, for it is not caſus dandi in praeſens only, but caſus dandi ſecundum prius, vel antecedentèr. But let us omitte this anticipation, ſince this is not the Claſſe which exacteth either this forme or doctrine. Wee have and ſet downe here as prime and chiefe one Subſtantive, one Adjective, one Pronoune, and one Verbe; for example theſe which follow with their beſt reliſhing compounds: Pecunia tota mea eſt. Our genders properly are but two: the Maſculine, which we call genus portans, and the Feminine, which is genus recipiens. To the Female of Feminine gender belong all ſorts of metall, which are of value and eſtimation; likewiſe al ſtones be of the feminine gender, even thoſe that are proper to men, are attributed to the female kinde and therefore, we ſay in our Grammer rule: Propria quae maribus, foemineo generi tribuuntur. The newter gender is accounted an Eunuch amongſt us, & therfore all newters, as ſtannum, aes, cuprum, plumbum, and ſuch like rebellious metalls we burne for heretickes, and the ſame torture is inflicted upon the Neuter gender, becauſe he that enters our claſſe under this gender, is neither active in the Maſculine, nor paſſive in the Feminine gender, but all Eunuch, all neuter, neuter. As c • ncerning the Commons, wee admit of them as they bee common, but not elſe: for the common of two is an hermaphrodite in loves ſchooles, and the common of three a monſter: but our method in theſe common genders, is read in this manner: the common to two, the common to three, the common to thirty, the common to three hundred, and ſo forth▪ The doubtfull is excluded, for that it promiſeth nothing of certaine. But yet we could reduce all theſe tolerated genders to the Epicene but onely that I permit the Maſculine and the Feminine to ſport ſometimes in the commons.

Numbers wee admit of, but yet hee that will winne his Miſtris ſooneſt, muſt complement in the plurall, for the ſingular is but a ſlender number, & therfore not able to ſatisfie her more capatious appetite; ſo that thoſe that will be accompted the beſt proficients, muſt be perfect practitioners in the dative cauſe and plurall number.

In the tract of this diſcourſe wee had ſurrounded the claſſe, and preparing to paſſe to the next, I deſire Cupid to benefit mee with the relation of the reſt contained in this ſchoole: It is needleſſe ſaid Cupid, for there is like difference betwixt ours & thoſe which are taught in other ſchooles: only that wee reject ſome few rudiments, and tranſpoſe in a ſeverall order; as for example: of our undeclined parts of ſpeech the Prepoſition is firſt, and the next is the Coniunction; the reaſon hereof is this: we ayme at Intereſt, therefore before the men attaine to their wiſh, they muſt prepoſe or give ſomething, and then no doubt but they ſhall have a conjunction copulative at their demand.

Of all the prepoſitions we except onely Adverſus and Contra; conjunctions Adverſatives, and Diminatives we hold to be meere obſoletes; and conſtitute Reddatives cheifly to be followed and practized.

My Females admit not of an Interjection, untill they have their hands filled with gold, which cauſeth them to exerciſe their ſpleene with ha, ha, he, and then perhaps they draw the curtaine of ſilence.

Foure ſorts of Adverbes are thoſe which are of moſt eſtimation with us, two for the men and two for the women: the mens are Quantity and Number, which they preſent unto the Wiſhing and Chooſing women. And in ſpeaking this we came to the Grammer ſchoole, whoſe frontall was thus inſcribed.

I was no ſooner entred into this claſſe, but the numberleſſe multitude of beauties gazed with ſuch coy, yet conſtant, eyes upon me, to ſee ſuch a ſhrimp adventure into their preſence, that were ſo richly ſpangled with the choyſeſt veſtments, natures ſtore, and arts invention could trimme them with; for in compariſon of theſe relucent Angels I could not chooſe but ſtile my ſelfe the moſt contemptible animall God had created, and the earth nurſed up.

But yet Cupid revived my dying ſpirits when he ſaid. Attend ye derlings of delight, and give honourable reſpect to this ſhipwracked ſouldier, who hath ſo couragiouſly fought under our colours, and borne loves banners to the diſabling of himſelfe; for hee to maintaine your pompe hath ſuncke himſelfe to this ebbe, who was in times paſt as powerfull in the purſe, as theſe your preſent rufflers are: and although it is contrary to cuſtome to returne that backe, which you have once received, yet at leaſt give a little knowledge to his forerun harmes, becauſe I pitty him in his miſerie, although I cannot ſorrow for the loſſe of his ſubſtance.

This ſaid hee turned towards me in this wiſe: Although our aſcent in ſchoole makes a different letter from thoſe rules which Lilly teacheth, yet we ceaſe not to inſiſt ſomething upon his invention, albeit wee convert that of his to our proper uſe, which you ſhall underſtand in the purſuite: And fitting up his hand, he gave a ſigne to one of his traine, ſaying, recite unto us the ſpeciall and prime rules in Grammer concerning Nownes: to which ſhe making a bewitching obeiſance thus declared he • Soveraignes command.

What if your ſervant, ſaid Cupid, come with an extended hand all gilded in the palme; what ſay you then?

But ſuppoſe the pretendent curteſan bee but a phantaſme, a ſhadow, a meere maſſe of penury, like unto this decayed peece of miſery (pointing at me) what is your rule? then ſhe with a diſdainefull countenance, a ſupercilious brow, and a reproachfull eye ſaid.

What is your interpretation for this laſt diſticke: ſhe anſwers.

Shee performed this laſt repetition with ſo ſincere a laughter, and ſuch a laſcivious geſture, that I would compare her more fitly to no creature living, then the ravenous ſtrumpet, that infernall Hecate which conſumed me, ſo that now I concluded that any one might play upon their virgin ſtring, that harmonious minikin ſtring of her lute, that could but ſhew his ſilver pen: whereupon I asked Cupid what was their rule for chaſtitie: who anſwered, wee have a generall rule, which is to be obſerved, yet it hath as many exceptions granted, as there bee or ſhall bee opportunities to violate the ſame. For as ſoone as they have paſſed their conjunction copulatives, then they take the degree of Licentiates, becauſe they have licence granted to practiſe any ſience art, or activitie, that their capacitie can climbe unto, to gaine the indulgencie of their liberall curteſans: yet ever premiſed, that they have a vehement reſpect to their chiefe goale, which is intereſt.

For as it is a generall ſaying, nay ſo generall that it hath no exception with you; No penny, no Pater Noſter; ſo it is with us in the like manner, for we ſay: No treaſure, no pleaſure: And theſe graduates, as wee have above mentioned, be of the tribe of Levi. I beeing not fully ſatisfied in my petition, interrupted Cupid, deſiring him to ſolve me of the difficulty, which yet remained; to wit, to inſtruct me how I ſhould conceive that theſe ſchooles could obſerve the lawes of chaſtity, when as they waited continually for an opportunity to ſhipwracke this vertue? O friend, ſaid hee, the very time of their waiting is their profeſſion and profeſſing of chaſtity; for their intention is not to commit an errour on their virginity, but an abſolute dominion over their owne poſſeſſion and cuſtodie, the totall inheritance their ſervants can or have attained unto; ſo to ſend him or them to their ſhorne companions in daw faire to eate a woodcock pie, where their grace before meate is; Maſcula nomina in as dicuntur multa virorum. For after they are thus cheated of their ſubſtance, they ſcarce can abſtaine (ſuch is their deſperation) from diſſanulling their hoſpitall-faſhioned carcaſſe of life, expoſing themſelves to ſorrow and lamentations unmercifull huggs; and after they have breakfaſted of this diſh of ſimplicity, they ſay this aftermeate grace following: Rarior eſt hilarus, vox eſt hilaris bene nota. For hilarity belongeth not to them, but to thoſe that fare well, which are the Females; which cauſeth them to ſay that Hilaris is not in uſe.

But let us proceede, ſaid Cupid, to the Syntaxians ſchoole, and as we walke I will rehearſe and explaine ſome rules which belong to our verball method. This is the order of the firſt rule, which the women begin thus: As in praeſenti; the men anſwering, perfectum format in have I. Which Cupid interpreted thus. The woman ſaies to her Idolator, that hee is an aſſe in the preſent tenſe; and when her loving ſimplician hath waſted all his ſtore, and findeth himſelfe neglected, he ſighes and ſaies, have I found out your deceit? I never yet learned to ſay no, I am now an as. Now I alſo finde the connective ſenſe of that exception, Do das rité dedi, ſto ſtas formare ſteti, vult. For dedi and ſteti are relatives, becauſe as long as I gave I ſtood, but now I can give no more, I fall from all familiaritie, and muſt now beginne the mournefull verſe, Dot fleo fles &c. indeque natum deleo delevi; for to ſpeake truly, I have blotted my ſelf out of the regiſter of graduates, & meerely by nothing but my too much precipitant prodigality; and therefore muſt entreate my teares to obtaine pardon for my vanity which hath pulled poverty upon me.

When I heard Cupid act this part, I was ſtruck with a vehement incitement to inject a ſtop in his way, that I might have proceeded in the ſame theme, becauſe I apprehended it to bee a wrong unto me, that had ſo largely taſted the bitterneſſe of this experience: notwithſtanding I gave a great groane and ſaid, O Cupid, I am a reall ſouldier in this campe, for I have turned the Interjection ô, to be no Interjection, but a verbe, I have changed woing into owing, and woe in ô, and now I decline nothing but ô, ô, ô, per omnes modos et tempora.

Repentance, ſaid Cupid, is nothing but ſottiſhneſſe, when it comes too late; cheere up and bee merry, you will live the longer time; you have great reaſon to be glad if you conſidered all; for you muſt know, therefore you were ſtung with my waſpiſh dart, becauſe you were rich, and if you will bee rich againe, you ſhall be as ill tormented as ever you were; therefore rejoyce that you beeing poore, are uncapeable of this vexing torment.

Come let us paſſe to the place intended: but yet before we enter the claſſe, marke our Verbes compound, how amiable and pleaſing they are to my Minions, and how they ſmile and ſpread their lappes, when they heare this rule pronounced, Syllaba Semper, quam ſimplex geminat, compoſto bis geminatur. Nay this doubling rule prickes on the courtly gallants wonderfully to gratifie their beautious miſtreſſes, becauſe this reduplication leades to that gemination where the brisk blades find their ſupines, who informe the men the truth and good liking of their former gifts, ſaying, Nunc ex praeterito diſcas formare ſupinam; for if you had not doubled in the preter tenſe, you had found no ſupine: and therefore the witty girles ſay to thoſe that deſire this ſupinall doctrine, and end in Neede, want, &c. Haec rarò aut nunquam retinebunt verba ſupinam.

But now ſaid Cupid, we delay too much in this claſſe, let us follow our intention; whereupon wee directed our ſteppes to the ſchoole of Syntaxe: and upon the conducting port I read this inſcription.

As I was entring the ſchoole or hall, there was a ſcreene, upon which there was this ſentence inſcribed.

Which I perceived to bee a ſpecificall diſtinction, becauſe Imperſonalls had no government there. In this claſſe all were buſied in compoſition: and as we walked I eſpied in one of their bookes this rule, Verbum infiniti modi convertimus in finitum; whereby I underſtod the dexterity of the females in minorizing the heapes of their ſervants to increaſe their owne.

As I was deſcanting upon the nimbleneſſe of their talents, I heard a tunable voyce ſay, Adjectivum cum ſubſtantivo numero conſentit. And why not, genere, anſwered I? to which Cupid made reply, ſaying: you muſt know, that by the Adjective is underſtood the man, and by the Subſtantive, or more properly ſpeaking, the Subtractive, the woman, who demands of her Adjective this or that ſumme of money to furniſh her with a new gowne, gorget, or the like, ſo that they agree not in true & legitimate conſtruction, untill he conſenteth to the number of pounds ſhee deſires, for you know that the Adjective muſt conforme it ſelfe to the Subſtantive, not the contrary: but they can never agree in Gender, becauſe they be of two different ſexes: but yet replied I, why not then in caſe, according to Lillies conſtitutions? becauſe, ſaid Cupid, the mans caſe is the Dative, and the womans is the Ablative, vt conſtat ex ſupradictis: And for this reaſon wee ſay, Verbes of receiving or taking away require an Ablative caſe.

But for opus and uſus, they have no neede of an Ablative caſe, becauſe they have nothing left to furniſh it with, unleſſe it bee that odious devill Penuria. Notwithſtanding Adjectiva quae copiam ſignificant, Ablativo gaudent, interdum & genitivo: for thoſe which have plenty, ſhall finde a way to be empty; and thoſe which are full, ſhall have a gull; and though in the night they obtaine their delight for a little ſpace, yet they ſhall pay, if they live but till day, for their embrace.

Now of all rules in Syntax this is the chiefe, to wit: Verba dandi ſunt praecipua in ſchola Amandi. And Verba promittendi ſunt optima juncta verbis ſolvendi: otherwiſe they are as bad as Imperſonalls: But est pro habeo is a ſtrange rule; and Nomen praemii is of great eſteeme, and never is at reſt, till it reſt in Ablativa: This ſhee caſe is that which bagges up all this ſchoole; for my female traine no ſooner ſee one loaded with golden pockets, but they immediately ſalute him with an eaſement, ſaying, Ego hoc te faſce levabo; it is reaſon you ſhould doe ſo, anſwereth the woodcocke againe; becauſe Adjectivo et verba abundandi, implendi & onerandi Ablativo gaudent: and thus hee yeelds up the ſoules of his pockets for hopes of a ſmile, an embrace, or a kiſſe.

The Gerund in Do, is that which commandeth friendſhip, and obtaineth it alſo: but the Gerund in Dum is whipped out of our ſchooles for a lazie companion; for our Actives have no gerunds in Dum, and therefore they governe no caſe here; for ſince this gerund cannot poſſibly be put in the Dative caſe, there is no hopes that the Ablative ſhall reape any profit at all by it; and therefore wee expulſe him for a dumbe and mute perſon, who wanting ſpeech to expreſſe his freeneſſe, hee can no way become capable of our method.

It is a ſpeciall rule without exception, that all Supines require a Dative caſe, and then an Ablative: for it is ſo infallible, as the whole roule of Supines can teſtifie, that never Supine fell upon pallade, unleſſe ſhee had received a fee from the Dative caſe, ſince you know that the Genitive is a ſoleaſme, if not conected with the Dative: and in this conſiſteth the cheife congruity, becauſe there is no true Syntax either in compoſition or conſtruction, except the Dative caſe, and the perſonall maſculine beare company and preſent his power to the perſonall feminine, which is alwaies accomodated with an Ablative diſh to convey her lovers kindneſſe into the cloſet of never bee ſeene againe. Nor farre diſtant from this claſſe was another hall over whoſe entrance this was inſeulped.

This is proſodia or the ſchoole of Poetry, ſaid Cupid, where my darlings ſtudy to congratulate their Donatiſts, preſenting them with Odes or lyricks, ſome bearing the face of Epithalamions, Soterian Hymnes, and Euchariſticall ſonets, and many other witty Epigrammes, and Anagrammes: The feet on which our verſes runne, are but two kinds; the one is Spondaeus, which imports as much as Spend-on-us; the other is Moloſſus, it is a foot, whoſe ſhoe is made by the long laſt, which is the mans foot, for that which it includes of the loſſe; becauſe the more they poetize, the more is their loſſe of ſtore.

Our cheife ſtraines or meters are Heroick, and Scazon, becauſe of all ſorts they are moſt numerous, in which we moſt properly delight, for in all ſorts of Doctrine we onely inſtruct that which is moſt large; and ſince in theſe kindes there are as wel ſhort ſyllables as long, for the ſhort we ſelect and entertaine peculiar figures very uſefull for the extentiō & reaching of their ſhort-legg'd nature, inducing art to helpe nature: In the firſt order we conſtitute three, to wit; Protheſis, Epentheſis, and Paragoge, for theſe are friends to the females, as properly appertaining to the men, who alwaies adde and never take away.

Yet the women chalenge the other three, as prime properties belonging to their profeſſion, which are, Aphaereſis, Syncope, and Apocope: nevertheleſſe the buſie blades many times carry away a pock-a pee in their linings, which my weather beaten widgins beſtow upon them, that they may not ſay they have loſt all.

Syſtole and Diaſtole are in great requeſt; for he that gives with Diaſtole's hand, & Syſtoles fingers, is in ſhort time made free in our court: but hee that comes with his pockets ſtuffed with nothing but Synalepha's and Eclipſis, is ſerved like unto a ſheepe in Iune, turned forth for a bare-neck'd ewe to ſeeke a new ruffe for that peece next below his cockſcombe.

Here Cupid commanded me to ſit downe, for that one of theſe Damſells had an intent to gratifie her generous ſervant with a few ſtraines, for the curteſies he had enriched her with. I obeyed, and being ſet the ſweet Paranaſſean nymph began in this forme following.

This ſayd, ſhee made a low curteſie to her ſervant, and departed to a private cloſet, as I thought to lay up her gold, whether it was ſo or not I am not certaine, becauſe the young gallant traced her forth, and tickled her too, as a man would probably imagine, becauſe ſhe laughed ſo heartily. But not to betray her, nor our ſelves to time, Cupid lead mee away through an obſcure vault, where aſcending a degree, as I thought, higher then before, I glaunced my eyes upon a garland of painted flowers, which was ſo lively pencilled and garniſhed with proper colours, that the laborious bees imagining it to bee reall, were no leſſe deceived in their ſearch, then the birds were with Zeuxis grapes. Within this circular poſie was impreſſed this peece of diſcipheration, as a true information to all that thirſted to paſſe the port.

Not farre from hence we entred into an ample hall, ſumptuouſly beſet with variety of flowers; and upon a double columne were placed two ſtatuas of an indifferent ſtature, which the curious art of workemen had varniſhed over with gold, enamell, and a beautious order of pearle mixed with ſaphyres, rubies, and emeralds.

As I ſtood gazing upon this ſtrange Coloſſus, Cupid ſaid to me, now you are in the ſchoole of Rhetorick: and theſe two which you ſo ſeriouſly admireare, the moſt famous Oratours, that antiquity celebrateth; the which we likewiſe adore as chiefe gods of this Claſſe: the one is Marcus Tullius Cicero; the other is Demuſthenes: Demoſthenes, you would ſay, anſwered I; No friend, it is Demuſthenes, the which you may underſtand if you but ponder the word, and reflect upon our inſtitution: wherefore I intending my eyes more earneſtly upon the object, found under Marcus Tullius this motto: A nomine & argento diſces: and under the other I read this: Dimidium nominis non indiget Rhetoricâ.

But becauſe I would not erre in the interpretation hereof, I intreated Cupid to ayde mee with an explication; to whom he ſaid: for the firſt which is under Marcus, to wit; A nomine & argento diſces: that is to ſay, From my name and from ſilver you ſhall learne; You know that Marcus, or a Marke is a certaine ſumme of mony, which is made of ſilver. Therefore from my name (ſaith the motto) which is a Marke, and from the matter, which is ſilver, of which the marke is made, you ſhall learne more Rhetorick in this ſchoole of Love, then all my orations, and all my workes can teach you.

The other which is, Dimidium nominis non indiget Rhetoricâ: to wit, Halfe my name needeth no Rhetorick.

Whereupon Cupid asked me which was halfe the name: I anſwered him Demus: obſerve then the ſenſe hereof, ſaid Cupid. He that ſaies Demus, needes no Rhetoricall colours, no tropes, figures, circumlocutions, nor any of thoſe inticeing flouriſhings: for with one Demus hee ſhall perſwade more then ever Demoſthenes did with all his eloquence.

Your Rhetorick then, ſaid I, is more facill, then that which is taught in externe ſchooles, thoſe I meane which Tully and others have preſcribed a method unto, becauſe they are not ſo much dependent of tropes, and ſchemes, and other difficult members, which inſtruct Ciceronian Rhetorick. It is confeſſed anſwered Cupid, and therefore our number is the greater, according to the ſaying of the ancients: Faciliora acquirunt numerum, difficultas ſapientiam n • trit. But yet (although the grand topick is that which appeares in a golden veſtment) our ſchoole is not deſtitute of tropes and figures, ſince that wee ſelect many very neceſſary for the better performance of our Rhetoricke, the which are lights and facilitations to theſe which be of a ſlow performance▪ ſome of which appertaine to the male, ſome to the female ſexe: for example, the women courtiers, although they endure not delayes▪ yet they are much addicted to the figure Gradatio, eſpecially if their pretendent rhetorize in Condaplicatio, and through the faithfull ſolution and ſweet ſeries of conſent they couple and lovingly reſt themſelves upon the palladel Polyſindeton, or Multiplex conjunctio.

Of all the uſefull tropes thoſe two are chiefe which my girles practiſe, to wit; Hyperbole, and Catacreſis, which in latine are called Mendacium, and Abuſio; to which their ſilly beleevers anſwer with Subjectio and Reticentia. Similitèr deſinens is tunable figure, which is ever ſang when the petitioner ſo dazels his beloved's eyes with curious and rich objects, which ſhe converts to bee her ſubjects, as then his, and now hers, when I ſay ſuch a feaſt unites her will to his, then they withdraw and rhetorize in Similitèr cadens.

Wee uſe no Metaphors, but all in private amongſt the women, for feare the men ſhould learne them; for ſeeing ſuch like tropes are alienated from their Virgin ſenſe, and wreſted to ſound one thing in words, and another in deedes, they muſt bee ſhut up from the knowledge of ſo much cunning; and therefore wee ſatisfie them with a certaine number of figures, as figurae per additionem, which are the true touch-ſtone of a generous mind; likewiſe wee inuſe them with thoſe per ſimilitudinem, to pricke them on with the conceit of dignity, if they imitate thoſe that are moſt liberall, ſetting it downe for a principle, that he cannot be a good and exquiſite Rhetoritian, that maketh not an oſtentation of his larga manus.

But the women are expert both in tropes and figures; tropes to delude their adorers, who ſuppoſe their reall words to bee full or reall meaning, when as they onely commit a few complements more to enflame their ſimplitians heartes, and to feed their owne toyiſh fancy, then any reality; for they abhorre it worſe then the poxe.

All figures which come per detractionem, belong to the women, as Diſſolutio, Refractio, and many more ejuſdem farinae, all takers and diſſolvers of their ſervants ſubſtance.

We practice alſo in Topickes, and firſt we beginne with Notatio, ſive Etymologia, which is both according to us and Cicero, defined, Indagatio originis: and by this we ſearch out the true primitive of our courtiers, and provide his place correſpondently. I doe not meane, that wee exalt and dignifie him according to his parentage, but his patrimony: for if he bee of a great eſtate, he is preſently annexed to the topick à Cauſis nobilioribus; becauſe the cauſe of greateſt preferment here, is that which proceedeth out of the nobility of riches; and thus we draw him on with the plauſible appearance and evident probability, that he ſhal practice the topick à conjugatis, when wee but onely delude him with a Rhetoricall ſlight, extracting in the interim the very marrow of his purpoſe, & ſo leave him in the perceivance of that à Contrariis: ſo that he poring upon that ab effectibus, findes himſelfe ſo ignorant and uncapable of the ſweet topick de adjunctis, that he falles into the woefull knowledge of Repugnantia.

The cheife argumentation wee uſe in this our Rhetoricall claſſe, is either framed by a Sorites, or Dilemma. By Sorites, to make the pretendents ſtrive in generoſitie, we protract our diſcourſe in this wiſe. Hee that giveth moſt, findes moſt inſtructers, (or deſtructers) he that finds moſt inſtructers profiteth moſt, he that profiteth moſt, taketh moſt degrees; therfore, à primo ad ultimum, he that giveth moſt, taketh moſt degrees: but yet after this induction or graduall deceite we argue ſecretly per violationem, and beginne our orative compoſition, of which we have two kindes, to wit, Oratio demonſtrativa, by which the ſelfe conceited wretch explicates & demonſtrates at large the perfections of his beſt wiſhed objects, and the men are obliged to ſay nothing more, then what they can make manifeſt by proofe, yet they are tyed to inſiſt upon the prayſe of their Miſtreſſes, and if they betwixt ignorance and benevolence, chance to ſinne againſt truth (as oft they doe) through the furious apprehenſion of their unlawfull Hyperbolies, and are confuted of it, then wee make their purſes fetch off the fine, which their eagerneſſe led them into: for ſuch kinde of Oratours are forced to ſatisfie the virgin with giftes for the wrong they have done in belying her beautie, modeſty, diſcretion, or the like.

The women, when they have received preſents either from the obliged or voluntieres, they Rhetorize in oratione deliberativa, deliberating whether their ſervants deſerved for this, or no; and in this kind of diſcourſe they are ſo witty, beeing ſtill ayded with dilemmicall arguments, that they catch and let looſe againe as often as they pleaſe, and in ſo dubious a manner, that their gazing Auditors become no leſſe ready to preſent againe, then drowned in confuſion which way to interpret the reality of their Miſtreſſes oration.

Some times my females aſcend the Pulpit provided with oratio funebris, but this only when a rich Devotiſt ſudainely departs this life, and leaves his Miſtris heire of all; then ſhee laments his death in words filling the ayre with lacrymable ſyllables, although her heart leapeth for joy and alacrity, that he is gone.

The women alſo extend their voyces in genere orationis demonſtrativo, but moſt frequently, when their impoveriſhed ſervants faile to performe their amorous ſuites, they uſe the oration in vituperium, which they freely beſtow upon thoſe vagabondes that have ſo long beene ſlaves to their wills and their owne misfortunes.

But friends, wee loſe time in theſe inferiour Claſſes, let us now proceede to the more noble liberall arts; which ſaid, Cupid brought me to a double leaved doore, upon which were painted many horrid and unknowne monſters, chimeras, and meere pictoricall fictions, with many conceites, in the midſt thereof was this hexaſticon.

I had no ſooner comprehended in my judgement and memory this ſtroph, but we entred into a very faire and ſpacious hall, all thronged thicke with a great number of gallants, both men and women; men of all ages, or at the leaſt from thoſe which Terence termes ex ephoebis, to thoſe which I terme ex rebus, or without mony, who paſſed away for bank • outs: but the women were for the moſt part all young, few or none exceeding thirty yeares of age: all were ſet downe, and gave eare to a grave, and ſomething ancient matron or moderatrix, who was ſeated in a moſt reſpendent pulpit, ſtudded with pearle and the moſt precious gemmes the Indians can afford; ſhee joyntly with all her diſciples made a very humble obeyſance at our entrance to their Regent Cupid; and the grave Matron began in this manner.

Logick, which you are to bee inſtructed in, is that, which hath for its formall object ens rationis, and not without cauſe, ſince ens rationis habet fundamentum reale; that is to ſay, a reall, or more ſignificant, a ryall for its foundation, which is a peece of money ſo called; for you muſt know that the male kinde are thoſe that are to ſtand of the materiall part of our Logick, and the femall on the formall: ſince therefore the foundation or materiall object conſiſteth of royall, it is convenient that the formall ſhould be ens rationis, and appropriated to the women kinde, who after a preſent of reales, as the Spaniard calles them, or ryalls as we tearme them, then the women make a congratulory diſcourſe which can be called nothing more properly but ens rationis; quia diſcurrit circa ens reale: for if this reall and royall ſubject were not, this ens rationis converteretur in ens chimaericum, & mere fictum.

Since therefore (proceeded ſhe) we have already concluded of the object both materiall and formall of this ſcence, it followes now that wee proſecute our intent: and in ſpeaking this ſhee opened a very faire manuſcript, at the fight wherfore every one provided their hands and pennes to write what ſhe ſhould dictate unto them: in this preparation Cupid invited me to ſit downe, which I accepted of without ceremony, and ſhee began as followeth.

Species, as Ariſtotle defineth it, est illud, quod praedicatur de pluribus numero differentibus in quid. This is our chiefe predicable, in the definition of which, you muſt note three things: the firſt is ſpecies, the ſecond numerus, the third is quid: by ſpecies wee underſtand gold, ſilver, jewells, &c. by numerus, is meant twenty, forty, a hundred poundes; ſo many rings, braceletts, diamonds, or the like: by quid is underſtood the ſubſtance or pure eſſence or quiddity, which muſt be without any deceit or chimicall ſophiſme: as for example, when your ſervants preſent their devoted libertie▪ you aske what ſpecies is the preſent of? they anſwer; of gold: you aske againe what number? they anſwer, an hundred peeces: you aske the third time, ſaying, quid: they anſwer, gold of the beſt, and moſt currant coyne: or if you will exclude this particle quid, becauſe you muſt not looke a given horſe in the mouth, you may exchange this quid, into quale or quantum, quomodo or vbi, and hereby receive a ſufficient information of the gift preſented.

Note alſo, that vvhereas other ſchooles treate of individuum, we except it, not to enter into our Logick: for ſince individuum eſt illud quod non dividitur, and againe no man is admitted into this claſſe to participate of our Doctrine, qui non dividet ſeipſum à ſubſtanti • s ſuis, therefore ſuch like caytives are excluded tanquam individua vaga; ſuch as theſe, are uſurers and co •••• ous ca • les, that ſhall ſooner paſſe through the eye of a needle, then through our ſchoole doore: for wee hold this to be infallible, that he cannot bee a reall lover and true ſouldier in Cupids Vniverſity, that loves his money better then his Miſtris.

Here the grave Matron fixed a period to her diſcourſe, and her diſciples intended their eyes and mindes upon that which ſhe had delivered unto them; whereupon I tooke an occaſion to aske Cupid what other predicables they obſerved; to which hee made anſwer, ſaying: Wee have another which is Proprium, this conſiſteth in two points; the proprium or chiefe property of the men is to give, and the chiefe propertie of the women is to take.

But, ſaid I, why did not the Matron beginne with Vniverſale in communi; becauſe, anſwered Cupid, it is and muſt be a ſtranger to all men that frequent my Vniverſity; for you know Vniverſale in commuini ex ſe non deſcendit ad particularia, which amongſt us is more abhorred then any thing elſe; as for example, hee that is Vniverſall in all kind of wealth, and deſcends not to preſent this ſome of money, that jewell, or ſo, ſuch a man is termed Vniverſale in communi, whom we intreate to favour us with his abſence, becauſe his preſence is cane pejus & angue: notwithſtanding the females are acquainted with this Vniverſale, in wch we inſtruct them in private conference: and the reaſon why they are more familiar with it, then the men, is, becauſe they muſt yeeld as little as poſſible may be to their courteous requeſts, and therefore ſtand indeterminate towards this or that whe •• they are in common, leſt this perceiving himſelfe neglected, ſhould refuſe to performe his accuſtomed gratuities: for you muſt know that theſe men which you ſee here, are all pretendents o • ſuiters, and ſo are likely to continue; for if they ſhould once obtaine their ſuite, they would no more be ſcholers of my Vniverſity, but courtiers in Hymens court: and therefore wee inſtruct the females ſo, that they ſhall never conſent to Matrimony (although they become ſubject to the topick multiplex conjunctio) but remaine inderminate to any one, yet with a liking eye to all.

Genus is not read publikely in this Claſſe, by reaſon of that which it includes of Vniverſale.

Accidens alſo is a very dangerous predicable to admit of; for that wc• it containeth of ſeparabile, unleſſe it be underſtood, as we tearme it, cautiouſly, and in ſan • ſenſu, that is to ſay, when the woman receive the mens indulgence, then have the women licence to uſe Accidens ſeparabile, becauſe they have ever an enlargement granted either to gratifie or not gratifie in words, and therfore they uſe both accidents and ſeparabilitie; but yet accidens inſeparabile is in more reſpect amongſt all, for that which it favoreth of inſeparabilitie, as the mens treaſure is inſeparable from the women; but beeing an accident, we utterly diſanul it out of our common wealth, becauſe we muſt be certaine of all we have promiſed; and for this reaſon we baniſh from the mens knowledge all accidents, and reſerve inſeparability; that is, what we heape up in our Cryſ • thecary is inſeparable, and not to be parted with.

But for that predicable which others call differentia, wee conſtitute Vnio: for being that wee pretend love, and Intereſt for love, we abhorre all difference; as a mortal enemie to our quietneſſe; and in ſtead of ſuch diſturbance, we place Vnio, which we d • fin to be quies amica ex coacervatione cauſata: for if there be not coacervatio or aggulatio nummuloſa, there will be no quies amica: quies there may be, becauſe we ſhall conſtraine ſuch a penurious pretendent to depart in peace: This is the beginning of our Logick, or our Organ of Intereſt.

Next inſueth the tract de Antepraedicamentis: the firſt whereof be Vnivocum and Aequivocum: Vnivocum belongeth to the men, becauſe it is a reall and true hearted expreſſion of their good & generous intention, upon which the females build the ſtrong walls of their certaineties, which are vowed by their pretendents promiſes: Aequivocum of the contrary is an inſeparable quality appertaining to the females, who ſeldome ſpeake what they thinke, and as ſeldom thinke of any benefit, but their owne: for this female traine is never perfect in our Logick ſcience, untill they be compleate in two things: the one is Equivocation, which is the prime in this ſchoole; the other is Sophiſme, without which none of my ſhe diſciples entertaines a ſuiter, unleſſe ſhee be accompanied with a Tutereſſe; for of theſe two we compoſe the Allegoricall tongue, which is defined aliud verbis, aliud ſenſu, and unleſſe the amorus female be expert in this deceiving art, ſhe is in hazard to betray her ſelfe to truth, and violate her ovvne modeſty by our liberty.

Next to this follovves the laſt antepredicamentall lecture, vvhich vve terme praedicatio; and this is tvvofold; vvhich is concretum & abſtractū : and it is ordered in ſuch a ſort, that the men, or maſculine Logicians make their full handed predication in concreto, and the female in abſtracto, abſtracting and taking avvay the concretion of their ſtore, to feede and pinguifie their leane and avaritious deſires; in this conſiſteth our primae & ſecundae intentiones logicales, vvhich are not here actus intellectus, but actus manuales, quoniam in ſchola▪ Amoris manus magis quàm intellectus exercentur. But to be ſhort, I vvill recount briefely unto you the ſeries and number of our Predicaments.

Firſt therefore know, that we are not altogether of the opinion of Ariſtole, and therefore wee teach not ſo many predicaments as he doth: but yet praedicamentum ſubſtantiae, as it is the prime with Ariſtotle, ſo is it with us, and ſo neceſſary, that what pretendent ſoever is not furniſhed with ſubſtantia, is excluded totally out of the predicament of Love.

The predicament of quantitie is in exceeding eſtimation amongſt us, and he is only judged amiable, proper, and compleate in all parts, that is furniſhed with the greateſt quantity of gold or other treaſure, and without this he is more deformed then Cerberus, the contemptibleſt picture they can fixe their eyes upon, whom wee terme minimum naturale.

But Praedicamentum qualitatis is of no more reckoning here, then a penny leſſe purſe; for wee never enquire of the quality of the man, but the quantity he brings with him.

Relatio is very famous in our ſchoole, and it is defined (according to the ancient and full experienced Philoſophers opinion) Relatio dicitur illud, quod id quod eſt, aliarum eſſe dicitur: by this definition it moſt manifeſtly appeareth, that all the men have belongeth properly to the women: peruſe it ſeriouſly and you will eaſily conſent unto the ſame: Relatio dicitur iluld, Relation is that thing, to wit that ſubſtance, which, what or how great ſoever it be, it is to bee appropriated to others, to the women, which is evident by the word aliarum; & not to be delivered back againe, becauſe wee admit not of any relation, but that which is non mutua; and although all bee in one ſchoole, yet all have not the ſame ſtep of dignitie: but hee is in the firſt and moſt eminent place, qui in pretioſiori quantitate fundat relationem ſuam.

But now if I ſhall name that predicament, which maketh all the reſt nameleſſe, let me ſay no more but Habere: for this is it to which all other are reduced, they all ſleepe in this haven; if you will know more then ever Ariſtotle did, you neede no more then the predicament habere: habere mollifies the hardeſt rocke, the flinty heart becomes fluid if but touched with the diamond habere; habere is ſufficient to conquer impoſſibilities: The predicament Quando, after the petition is granted, is not compleat untill it accord with habere: Vbi is not fully eſtabliſhed in certaintie, untill it meete with habere; neither would here be any amorous embraces of the pleaſed couple, no actio nor paſsio without habere: and to conclude, habere is ſo tranſcendent, that nothing is had without it.

And although wee could reduce not onely all the predic • ments, but alſo the whole volume of Logick to this de habere; yet to bee more compleat and courſe like, wee trace on with Ariſtotles method, picking out what is uſefull for our purpoſe, and excepting the remainder; and therfore to ſhew you more exactly our Logick ſchoole, marke the ſequell.

Next followes the booke called Peri-hermenias, ſeu de interpretatione, and this interpretation properly accepted of with us, is a rich preſen • , which interpreteth ſ • plainely, that there is not a woman in my Vniverſity, be ſhe never ſo dull of apprehenſion, but ſhee underſtands it ſo clearely, that ſhe carrieth all away, at once hearing it: we treat here firſt de nomine & verbo: nomen eſt vox ſignificativa ad placitum ſine tempore: this nomen is either gold, ſilver, or ſuch like, which is ſo ſignificative a voyce ſemper ad placitum, alwaies pleaſing, alwaies gratefull, and ſine tempore, or extempore, becauſe if this word bee once ſpoken, it muſt be performed with all expedition, ſince they women abhorre delayes, and for this reaſon we exclude verbum, becauſe it is cum tempore, it demurres ſo long, that my females grow weary and impatient of the expectation.

But yet we admit of one Verbe, which is est, becauſe it is a verbe ſubſtantive, or a ſubſtantiall Verbe; but this Verbe eſt, is never in its prime, untill it be ſet for habeo. Wee uſe verbum ofttimes, but not as Ariſtotle doth, for a verbe, but for a word, as a conjunction, becauſe Verbum à verbero derivationem accipit, and the beſt ſounding word to the Petitioner is the free monoſyllable Yes, which cauſeth the malevolent particle, No, to be excommunicated out of Loves limits; becauſe we teach no contradictions, nor contraries, but terme the denyall of a Petition, to be degenerous and want of true education: for ſuppoſe a woman ſhould crave of her Curteſan this or that ring, jewell, or the like, what an abſurd ſound would the baſe and harſh ſound of No, or I will not, make? nay, although hee ſhould put it off with an Excuſe mee, yet would it be taken for ſo heinous a crime, that his Miſtris vvould ever after excuſe her ſelfe from his preſence.

But now to ſpeake ſomething of the Tract De arte inveniendi medii, which wee othervviſe call Pons aſinorum, this is all framed of pretious ſtones, vvhoſe cement is gold and ſilver; the Aſſe that is able to build this Bridge, invenit medium, he finde out the middle, which he ſo long ſolicited and ſought for: but the other crew of weaker ſillies beſtovv all their labour and coſt in vaine, becauſe they ſhall never attaine to the depth of that punctum reflectionis.

As for the ſyllogiſticall Moodes, vve content our ſelves vvith a few abhorring the b • u • iſh condition of Barbara, and adoring that of dani: the men muſt uſe an eſpeciall care, leſt they conclude vvith Zelantes, for he that puts his confidence in this Moode, ſhall infallibly be convinced, and in the end of the diſputation, ſhall be obliged to begin a new argument all in dabitis.

When we come to the Priors, or demonſtrative part, wee place the men before the women; and then the cathedraticall Miſtris proceedes in this manner. Demonſtratio eſt ſyllogiſmus procedens ex veris, primis, immediatis, notioribus, prioribus, cauſiſque concluſionis: In this Science the men are onely doctrinated, not that they ſhall find out all or any fallacies by the evidence hereof, but becauſe they ſhall beware, that they practiſe nothing, but what is the reall truth; and therefor they ſyllogize ex veris, becauſe they muſt not uſe any deceit or flattery towards their Miſtreſſes; ex primis, becauſe they muſt firſt give • o them, bofore they can hope for the leaſt curteſie; ex immediatis, becauſe their very appearance imports, without any intermiſſion or mediancie, a preſent to the females, as a true token of their prime love; ex notioribus, to induce the women to know their owne adorers, and thoſe better, that give moſt liberally; for you know Demonſtratio eſt ſyllogiſmus faciens ſcire; it muſt alſo be ex prioribus, for that in our Schooles prior eſt datio pecuniaris, quam receptio amplexaris; this ſyllogiſticall diſcourſe ought likewiſe to be ex cauſis concluſionis; the concluſion that our men aime at is an amorous claſpe, that which the women deſire, is a Cupidineous gripe cloſing a golden ſee, and nothing is able to cauſe this claſp or recumbens-ſubtegmine lecti, but burſa plena liberaliter offerta ad amicam.

But now, ſaid Cupid, wee have overſtayed our time, let us paſſe to the next Schoole, which, as Ariſtotle ſtiles it, is de phyſico auditu, and wee with him proceed to the ſame Schoole, although we differ both in title and forme; and without any delay, Cupid brought mee to a very faire Port, on which I read this which followeth: Two principall per ſe, matter and forme, This Claſſe of Phyſicke chiefly doe adorne:Loves Schoole of Phyſicks, or naturall Philoſophy. The matter's heapes of Gold, and riches free; The forme's oblation, beanteous Phila's fee.

The peruſall of this tetraſtick ſtruck mee immediately into a difficulty, whereupon I emboldned my ſelfe to ſtay the God, and asked him, why and how Gold could be called the matter in this Tract, ſince that Ariſtotle in the firſt Booke of Phyſicks, ſaith, that matter or materia prima eſt chaos, caeca farrago, or rudis indigeſt aque moles: So is Gold, ſaid Cupid, it is a Chaos, becauſe you ſee it confounds all men; it is caecum, quiareddit omnes caecos propter ejus amorem: it is alſo rude, becauſe it makes moſt that poſſeſſe it rude and vitious.

It is very certaine, ſaid I, but Ariſtotle treates here de primis principiis; de illis, ſcilicet, quae primo conſtituunt compoſitum naturale. It is very true, anſwered Cupid, and for that cauſe I have often ſaid, that we exempt our ſelves from being ſtrict Ariſtotelians: For you muſt know, that we are already actuated or formed according to Natures compoſition; and therefore, as I even now ſaid, this Schoole is not properly called De phyſico auditu, but De Cupidine auditu: and therefore, ſince nature hath made us perfect in the firſt mixtion, wee account it frivolous, to ſearch or repeat that which Ariſtotle hath ſearched out for us, that is, by what meanes it came to paſſe, what concurrence was uſed, and the like: but now wee ſearch that which is moſt ſemblant and agreeable to our condition, I meane our inſtitution: and becauſe Gold and other treaſure are ſubſtances and naturall mixtures, as theſe my females and maſculine flock be, ſpeaking of that which belongeth to naturall compoſition, and abſtracting from the formall perfection of this or that, onely inſiſting on thoſe ingredients which are matter and forme, deriving their generating cauſe from one and the ſame body as an univerſall cauſe, which is calor ſolis, I find no difference, but a great ſimilitude: and therefore wee ſet downe Gold and ſuch like eſtimable ſubſtances to be the matter of this our Phyſicall ſtudy, and oblation to be the forme, without which our ſtudy is to no purpoſe, nor the compoſition which we ſweat for is no compoſition, becauſe without oblation there is no union, no complementive actuality, which wee call Completio amoroſa: theſe therefore, as I have ſaid, ſunt principia per ſe noſtra phyſicae, & totius philoſophiae; which imimports as much as I had ſaid of our naturall appetite, becauſe Cupid or Cupido is the objective guide herein.

With this anſwer, although it was not ab eſſentia rei petita, but a meere diverſion, yet unwilling to be overtedious to the God of Love, I reſted as if I had beene fully ſatisfied; upon the pauſe whereof wee entred the Claſſe. I could diſcover few or none here, that were not in action and paſſion; the Courtiers giving, and the Courtiereſſes receiving. In the midſt of this Hall lay many heaps of Gold, Silver, Diamonds, and other ſorts of treaſure, at the reſplendant glory whereof I was almoſt diſtracted: at which Cupid (perceiving my amazement) asked mee what I thought of this ſo beauteous a Treaſure-houſe.

To whom I ſaid, this is the practicall part of yon Logick Claſſe: Why ſo? ſaid Cupid: becauſe, anſwered I, my fancie apprehends all theſe laborious aſſes to be buſied in the ſtudy De inventione medii; and theſe heapes of Gold and pretious ſtones I take to be the materials with which they intend to build their pons aſinorum: No, no, anſwered Cupid, this aggregatum per accidens is our Philoſophers ſtone, and thoſe that concurre not to the augmenting and raiſing up of theſe beauteous Banckes, theſe Phebean hillocks, theſe Love-ſtarres, which the World termes Earths Planets, for the uncertaine Manſion they have to dwell with this or that amorous Courteſan, thoſe, I ſay, that adde not to theſe Idols, are not taken to be Lapidary men, but a certaine kinde of jumenta, or rather bomenta, which are commonly called Eunuches, becauſe they ſhall never make uſe of their intayle, for that they adde not the previall diſpoſition which makes the formall connection: for indeed my females ſay, that ſuch kinde of Pedlers ſhall not enter into their Shop, unleſſe they had ready money, becauſe they never uſe to truſt any man in that kinde.

Then I intreated Cupid to better my underſtanding with ſome inſtructions of the Method that was obſerved in this Schoole, who freely began in this manner. Phyſica is as much as to ſay natura: and therefore this Schoole and ſtudy is of naturall things; neither is there any one that truly endeavoureth in this Science, except hee loveth it; for this is the generating of wiſdome, by reaſon of which he is called a Philoſopher; and for no other cauſe, then that he is a lover of wiſdome. This ſuppoſed, I conclude that all here muſt of neceſſity be Philoſophers (as for naturalliſts or Phyſitians, it is moſt evident by the Tract, that they be the ſame) becauſe they are not onely lovers, but alſo lovers of wiſdome. I was not able to containe my ſelfe within the limits of ſilence, but I injected obviouſly the difficulty which met my attention, as I gazed upon Cupids preamble, ſaying: It appeares unto me (pardon my bold attempt, O divine Cupid) that you give theſe your Diſciples a falſe appellation, in calling them Philoſophers; and my judgement rather names them Philochryſers, becauſe their ſtudy is onely of Gold and treaſure, as the portall ſcript manifeſteth, and not of wiſedome.

You ſay well in giving them this Character; but yet you are extremely deceived, anſwered Cupid, if you rob them of the name of Philoſophers; for in this Claſſe the men ſtudy and contemplate of the beauty of their Goddeſſes, and the women of the beauty of their riches; this beauty (for ſure there is beauty in both) is a celeſtiall gift flowing from the will of the increated wiſdome, and in this reſpect I ſee no opponent reaſon can debar them from being truly ſtiled reall Philoſophers; nay more, there is not one gemme, a piece of gold or ſilver, or any eſtimable thing elſe that my Damſels ſtretch their invention to compaſſe, but they deſcant and contemplate the beauty, valuation, and perfections thereof, extolling gold above ſilver, and Diamonds above gold, not onely for that the common conſtitution of men hath given this an aſcent in value above that, but alſo for the poynant vertues, qualities, and ſuperiour qualities contained in one, more then in the other: can you then impugne me with a negation, that theſe are not true Philoſophers, and this true Philoſophy? and therefore to wipe away clearly the blot in your clouded apprehenſion, and reſtore you to your intellectuall ſight; you muſt know, that our gallants admiring the beauteous blaze of their Miſtreſſes &c. they ſtudy how to gratifie ſo much worthineſſe with condigne praemiums, and therefore finde it neceſſary to dive into the knowledge of this Philoſophy to arrive at the true Science of all perfections contained in theſe naturall ornaments, theſe pretious metals, and Indian luſtres; and having obtained the verity hereof, they make the moſt worthy to become preſents or ſpeakers to interpret their Maſters wills; and this is the end of their Philoſophy, to offer homage in theſe to their moſt amiable Objects.

And the beauteous Minions likewiſe gratifie their ſervants with vertuous ſmiles, modeſt looks, affable ſpeeches, celeſtiall glances, curteous behaviour, and ſiſter-like embraces, which could not be performed but by wiſdomes permiſſion, which they likewiſe underſtand and perfectly know: neither is our Philoſophicall Science haled by ſo forraine a reduction, but affirmatively it is a true limbe of Philoſophy, ſuch as Phyſicke is; for it really includeth wiſdome, and therefore is ſufficient to ſtile our proficients Sophi, and ſophae, who being alſo Lovers, why ſhould wee doubt to call them Philoſophi and Philoſophae, or lovers of wiſdome.

But, ſaid I, you involve me in another cloud, becauſe you ſeeme to contradict your former diſcourſe, where you ſay the women practice vertue, modeſty, and ſuch good attributes, becauſe your females now licentiates, and therefore not bound to obſerve theſe rules. It is true, ſaid Cupid, but yet you finde not that they are prohibited to uſe the ſame: Moreover, if you reflect your eye upon the antecedent Claſſe, you ſhall finde, that the women are Sophiſters or Fallatians, who with their artificiall veiles ſo blinde the eyes of their Enamoriſts, that they take this coyned ſhew of vertue to be reall, when it is onely apparent and not durable, a meere fiction, and nothing but ſuperficiall: for who will ſeeme more modeſt and vertuous, then ſhee that intends to deceive, and under this pretence the deceit paſſeth more eaſily, becauſe it is not ſuſpected at all.

But I pray you let us proceed, ſaid Cupid, for we have many Schooles to viſite, and times Chariot wheeles away with great ſpeed. Content, quoth I, for I am ſory I detained you ſo long from your deſire. Then, ſaid Cupid, you know our Schooles are the Schooles of Intereſt, where the women aime at treaſure, the men at beauty, and both at pleaſure: the men aime at the poſſeſſion of beauty and pleaſure without reſpect of gold, or any riches hee can attaine unto, which makes ſo many of them to ſing the ſecond part of their life in a new and lamentable tune, to wit, for Gods ſake cloath my nakedneſſe, for Chriſt his ſake relieve my hungry and thirſty ſoule. The women aime at riches and pleaſure, without regard of beauty; for let him be a Moore or Gypſie that courts them, if hee bring the golden key, hee unlockes their modeſties Cloſet doore, and enters as freely, as a knowne Puritane into his owne Congregation: Nay, I dare be bold to avouch, that if ſuch a pretendent had a bottle noſe as big as a bunch of Grapes of ten pounds, a ruby chin, a ſtrawberry paire of cheeks, a vermillian fore-head, a breath more odious then his Miſtreſſes cloſe ſtooles lining, and a head as bare as a Cabbage, let him be ſet forth with all theſe deformities, and have but a golden hand, he ſhall be admitted and have free entrance into her private preſence, and act what part he deſires, that hath beene found in the comedies of pleaſure: But the truly handſome, compleat, and meritorious, that cannot ſhew the face of a Jacobus, ſhall live a-loofe from gratia dei, the grace of our good liking; hee ſhall paſſe by for vas vacuum, and be embarked in the Ship of ſcorne, to bee conducted to the Haven of heavineſſe, and thruſt upon the ſhore of, Never returne againe. I wondring at this diabolicall inſtitution, ſaid to Cupid, no doubt but I am perpetually engaged to your Deities bounty, becauſe I perceive you intend by this diſcourſe to deterre me from ever erring in the way of loving, or engaging my ſelfe to any Harpy in the world.

Be not too audaciouſly confident, ſaid Cupid, preſume not any thing of my mercy; for by this I teach thee to defie all females, and pricke thee on to lay hold of a thriving courſe, that when thou art growne ſubſtantiall and ſtrong in purſe, I may boult thee into my family once more, to conſume thy ſelfe, as thou haſt already done. When thou haſt effected what induſtrious labor may ſweepe up for thee, then let the ſecond effect be a true teſtimony of my power; for the poore ſtate of my preſent fortune is not capable of my Dart. But to returne to our purpoſe, liſten, and I will declare the Lawes of this Schoole.

This Phyſicall appropriation, which we here ſimilize under the ſhapes of Peripateticks, I intend to ſhew, in diſciphering the difference betwixt our Doctrine and the Ariſtotelians, and in what points wee accord: They hold, that there are foure cauſes, materialis, formalis, efficiens, & finalis, and ſo doe we: with us the materiall and formall are chiefe, with them the efficient and finall.

The materiall cauſe with us (as I have ſaid) is treaſure, which facilitates the intent of the amorous pretendent: it cauſeth affection to waite upon its glory; it proſtrates the Virgin, and therefore compells the inſatiable ſtrumpet to fly into the golden embraces of her ſervants will: and if this yellow footed youngſter treads but upon the toe of a wife, he makes her to forget her nuptiall duty, being ſo unreſiſtably inveagled with the luſtre of this Intereſt: this makes the Raven white, and curtaines up day in a thorall rug before the Sunne hath run halfe his diurnall courſe. Even Plato, and hee that lookes thorow as many Dogges faces, as Cerberus, ſeeme more lovely then Adonis, or Hylas, Alcides boy, if he be but attired with this bracelet of plenty: Why then ſhould not this our materiall cauſe be chief, and moſt excelling, ſince it beares moſt ſway and efficacity: but yet it is not compleat without oblation, which is the formall cauſe, which is that comfortable preſentment, that unites the ſoule of the receiver to the thing received, and in that conſiſteth the formality of our Schooles of Intereſt: as for the efficient cauſe, it is the ſame with the formall, becauſe the formall effects, whether it be efficiens principalis, or the ſecondary alarmes ſo full of ſweetneſſe and delight, cauſa inſtrumentalis.

But for cauſa finalis the women have none, becauſe there is no end of their deſire, that appetitive quality called auri ſacra fames: neither is there any finall cauſe for the men, untill their ſubſtance is conſumed, and nothing left to preſent to obtaine correſpondence with their Miſtreſſes, for they hold this adage: ex nihilo nihil fit; ergo ubi non eſt aliquid dari, non opus eſt intentione finali.

De continuo continuè agimus, and hee that continueth in giving, is ſupreme in this Claſſe; neither is there any ceſſation to be admitted of, for he that will continue his correſpondence, muſt continue alſo his liberall practice. The Continuum which we treat of, is not that which Zeno, the Pythagorians, and many modernes now adayes define, but that of Ariſtotle, who ſayes, that Continuum componitur ex partibus, non ex indiviſibilibus, as they ſaid; for theſe indiviſibilia non faciunt quantum; ergo nec indiviſibilia apud nos facere poſſunt acervum, ergo rejicienda.

Here I deſired Cupid to tell me what he meant by his indiviſibilia; theſe are, ſaid he, thoſe poore diminutives, which others call pence; for wee are of opinion, that pence are ſo ſmall a beginning, that he who beginneth and continueth in giving pence, ſhall be ſo long before he make a ſumme worthy to be received, that hee ſhall tire his Miſtreſſe ſo extreamely with long expectation, that ſhee leaves him, giving him a generall acquittance for ever entring the Schooles of Intereſt, to pay any ſuch dribling debts hereafter; for our continuum is compoſed of parts, which the groſſer they be the better they compoſe; theſe parts are five pounds, ten pounds, twenty, and ſo, when they have mounted to an hundred pounds, or the worth thereof, then we ſay they are perfect in continuo; and if he deſire it, he paſſeth to the proofe quomodo dua corpora poſſunt eſſe in uno loco; and at the end of this followes vacuum, which is proved ex parte viri, he having emptied his purſe, which drawes into the conſequent tract, which is infinitum multitudinis ex parte mulieris; for the evacuation of his bagges is the increaſe of her heape, quod nos vocamus infinitum ſyncategorematicum, quoniam per additionem fit, cujus non eſt terminus finalis, licet principium habuerit: And when this ſilly is ſhrived of his treaſure, my females make his Mittimus, and ſend him to the Jayle called Terminus minimus quod non: that is, hee ſhall be the leaſt termer with us, quòd non habet unde dare.

This ſaid, Cupid drew a curtaine, which diſcovered a leſſer Schoole, wherein I eſpied upon an Ebony Pulpit theſe words inſcribed: Doctrina de Generatione & Corruptione.Loves Schoole of Generation and Corruption. Generation of Love, as we have defin'd it, Is the corruption of ſubſtance to thoſe that do mind it.

This is a pedagogicall Schoole, or a ſubdiviſion of Phyſica, where the true and moſt canonicall concluſion is, Generatio unius eſt corruptio alterius: for the pinguitude of the women hath made the men like ſo many macelentoes, or meager thin-guts; for as the women profit in the tract de augmentatione ſubstantiali, the men diſprofitably profit in that de diminutione.

But yet you muſt know, that this Treatiſe of ours is not that which Ariſtotle explicates, De generatione viventium, but De generatione mortuorum, that is, gazarum & nummulorum: and if at any time this vitall generation ſucceedes, it is termed in our Schoole, Per accidens, & non ſecundum intentum primarium & principale doctrinae noſtrae: And in caſe my unexperienced Damſels ſhould give occaſion, or yeeld to their amorous embracers motions, and ſo ſlippe into this doctrine, then incontinently they are ſent to the Claſſe de medicina, as having a neceſſited coherence with that practice; for Vbi deſinit Phyſicus, incipit medicus: but if they are not in danger of protuberation, they aſcend to the Schoole where wee teach and treate of the Meteors.

Wee paſſe over many queſtions which Ariſtotle and other Philoſophers have dilated: and one of the chiefe that the men are doctrinated in, is de actione & reactione, that action produceth beſt liking, that is diamondall, or all Diamond, the next is the golden action, which the more often it is reacted, the more it pleaſeth: and without this kindneſſe of reaction we ſhould not hold condenſation of our treaſure heapes, and rarifaction of our Courtiers coyne; were it not for reaction, there would be no mixtion; for from reaction and the ponderous quality called Gravitas reſultes in the females illa qualitas plumoſa, cubiculoſa, & jocoſa, quam nos vocamus levitatem; And in ſpeaking this wee came to ano • her, which was adorned with this Character: The Meteoriſts caſt up their ſtudious eye,Loves Schoole of Meteors. To contemplate the wonders of the skye: We bring them down to earth from that high pearch, Her Mines with fire-drakes and ſuch like to ſearch.

I followed Cupid into this ſpatious roome, where I beheld not ſo few as a thouſand Mines, at the mouthes of which men aſcended and deſcended, as if they had beene Bees: This, ſaid Cupid, is the Schoole of Meteors; where wee chiefly intend not de illis, quae in ſublimi generantur, ſed potius de ſubterraneis; de foſsilibus nimirum, & metallorum liquabilium extractione.

Here I obſerved an infinite multitude with Comets in their hands, expecting to receive the 2ſweet that dropped from their enamoriſts ſweat, who ſtill came loaded with gold and ſilver over, marching towards their Miſtreſſes with every one a Torch of Ignis fatuus in their hands: ſome came and went accompanied with their caprae ſaltantes, others with draco volans, and many with ignis lambens, and to ſpeake all, it was a true ignis lambens in the womens hands, for that it licked away all the fruits of their poore endeavours, labour and toile.

This great and mighty Vault was ſo furniſhed with the terrifying wonders, which uſe to appeare in the skies, that I ſeemed ſomething timorous to proceed; and in fine, Cupid perceiving my cautious ſteppes to loſe their accuſtomed diſtance, ſaid to me, be not amazed man, for theſe Luminaries can no wayes prejudice an old Souldier; therefore walke with me, and I will declare the meaning of them.

And pointing at one of the women that held in her hand Flamma, or Fax; that, ſaid Cupid, is an inflammation which endureth but a ſhort time, and for that cauſe ſhee holdeth it in her hand, as you ſee, to notifie that her Lovers Mine is almoſt at an end: beyond them are Caprae ſaltantes, which ſignifies the mirth and joy which the newly honoured Girles take, for that their ſervants have newly found out a Golden Mine: thoſe that you ſee of your left hand with Stellae cadentes, are the ſignification of thoſe that have fallen into poverty and purſe-lameneſſe, by adventuring too farre for their Miſtreſſes ſakes: Some men carry Lanceae, to ſignifie their courage in behalfe of their deareſt; others negotiate with ſidera diſcurrentia, to ſhew their diligence to procure their faireſt her deſire: Many more wee have, as Caſtor, and Pollux, ignis perpendicularis, trabs, Helena, columnae pyramidales, and ſuch like, which are very uſefull for the unbowelling of the earths fertile wombe, to diſcover the choiſeſt and beſt pleaſing mettles.

Then he brought me to a ſea, as I imagined, for although it was not Ocean-like, yet it was ſalt, and therefore I ſuppoſed it to be an arme of the Sea: Here, ſaid Cupid, we treat not ſo exactly of the nature of the Sea, its ebbing and flowing, ſaltneſſe, and ſuch like qualities and properties, as wee doe concerning the ſeverall ſorts of jewels herein, and the vertue contained in them: It was a wonderfull ſight to behold loves Mer-maids as they ſate by the ſhore ſide, and the dexterity of their ſervants that dived into the bottome to ſearch for pearle, Rubie, Saphir, Diamond, and ſuch like eſtimative Gemmes; and if perchance one of the miſtaken divers ſhould unwarily preſent unto his expecting Miſtreſſe a ſtone of little or no value, ſhee preſently would caſt ſuch a cloud over her cleareneſſe, made all grim and horrid with frownes, that the affrighted puffin immediately pulled the water over his head, to vaile himſelfe in that coole Element from the heat of her diſdaine.

And at this Cupid ſaid, let us now paſſe to the Schoole De medicina, at which I asked him, if there were nothing in theſe his Philoſophicall Schooles De coelo & mundo. Yes, anſwered Cupid, wee have much De mundo, and of this wee treat in every Claſſe, becauſe it is the prime and chiefe intent of our whole Vniverſity; for this De mundo is not onely conditio, ſine qua non, but ex eſſentia noſtrae philoſophiae: for if it were not for the treaſure of this inferiour world, our Schooles of Intereſt would be but dumbe caves, fitter for lamenters then lovers. Wee treat alſo De coelo, becauſe coelum & ſidera ſunt cauſa efficiens metallorum in mundo, which wee ſhall declare more copiouſly in our Aſtrologie, where wee ſpeake De coelo & coeleſtibus.

And at this inſtant I had caſt my eyes upon a new Inſcription, or Theme, fixed upon the Portall entrance, which informed me of the inward method; ſaying thus: Loves Schoole of Phyſick and Chyrurgery.Loves Sicklings hardly able for to live▪ Shall ſoone be cur'd if th' Recipe they give.

The intelligence of this Letter had no ſooner appeared in my apprehenſion, but I entred the place of Medicinall practice, where I beheld a thouſand beauties, whoſe profeſſion I could eaſily imagine to be De medicina, or Cupids Hoſpitaliſts although I had not beene informed of the ſame by the Portall ſcripture, for that they ſeemed to kill with the Recipe of their eyes, not unlike the Phyſitians with their druggiſh receipts: and I dare affirme that the effectuall execution of thoſe bits of paper in which they write their poiſonous receipts, bereave more of vitality, then warres, famine, and the Gallowes.

This ſpacious Hall had ſcarce received mee, when the Batcheloniſts, Licentiates and Doctoreſſes flocked about mee, ſuppoſing the God had brought me in to be cured of a love ſick diſeaſe, and ſurrounding me in a ring, deſired to feele my pulſe, to whom I bowing in a curteous and thankfull manner, ſtretched forth my arme, at which they all burſt ou • in laughter: whereupon Cupid ſaid to me, here the Phyſitians accuſtome not to feele that pulſe, but that of the purſe; for by the pulſe of the purſe, they can eaſily diſcover whether the infirmity be remediable, or in probabilities to be cured.

Without delay I drew forth my purſe, and gave it to one of the graveſt, and, as I ſuppoſed, moſt experienced, which ſhee feeling, and finding empty, ſaid, this ſicke man hath no pulſe; to what purpoſe was he brought hither, being incurable? let the charitable ring his paſſing peale, and we will bury him in the Sepulchre of Oblivion. After her came the reſt, who perceiving that my purſes vitall ſpirits were utterly decayed, they all unanimouſly extended their voyces, ſaying; Memento homo quod pulvis es & in pulverom reverteris. Recede, recede, nam inſt • t hora m • rtis tuae.

Although I heard the terrifying noyſe of this their mortall ſentence, yet was I not aſtoniſhed at all, partly becauſe I knew my infirmity was a conſumption, and partly becauſe the longs of my eſtate were quite ſpent, and laſt of all becauſe I was over-growne with the Leproſie of deſpaire, that I ſhould never ſee my owne happy proſperity in this world, and therefore deſired, and wiſhed for my better fortune in the next.

After this, we entred into another long and ſpacious Gallery, which Cupid told me was his Infirmary, where ſat an orderly row of beauteous Dames, which at the firſt ſeemed to bee Apothecaries wives, or Hoſpitall Nunnes, but Cupid ſaid, they were his Lovers Nurſes, and ſervants to more. This Gallery was compleatly furniſhed with great ſtore of beds, and every bed had on it a ſick perſon, who after a ſmall time of repoſe ſtill aroſe walking male diſcontent, and as they men walked, they repeated continually theſe words, Terminus ambulationis eſt cauſa ſanitatis; the ſence whereof I preſently underſtood; for the terme of their walke was a viſitation beſtowed upon their ſeated attendants, ever preſenting ſome thing of worth unto them, at the receiving of which the Doctoreſſes told them, that they were better then before, and preſcribed unto them a walke in Loves Garden; wherby I could not compare theſe Love-ſicke wretches to any but priſoners, for before they ſallied forth into the ſerene and wholſome ayre, they were continually condemned in new charges, neither could they obtaine this freedome, untill they had payed not onely the ſumme they are damnified in, but alſo fees to the Gardner.

I obſerved that when theſe infirme perſons came to the Doctoreſſes for remedy, being deſperately ſicke, they tooke them by the pulſes or purſes, by which they judged the diſeaſe, and if they gave ſpeedy pulſation, the Doctoreſſes aſſured them of life and cure, but if their pulſes went uncertaine and intercadentally, they turned away, ſhooke their head, and ſaid, there is no hopes of recovery, your malady is greater then my charity, unleſſe you get a good ſtrong pulſe, we cannot cure you.

I asked Cupid the cauſe that ſo many men were ſicke, and no women: yes, anſwered he, wee have many women ſicke, although not ſuch a number as there be men; the reaſon is, the men are ſicke, becauſe they give not, and ſince there is an infinite number of men that refuſe to give, and not the tyth of women that deſiſt to aske, (for the want of asking is the womens diſeaſe) therefore wee have fewer women ſicklings, then men: the men there are ſicke becauſe they either know not how to give, or elſe neglect to give after they participate of the knowledge how, which is a more dangerous diſeaſe, • nd of more difficulty to be cured: the women fall into ſickneſſe, becauſe they neglect to aske, but yet they recover at the next asking; although the men give five times, before they recover their perfect health, for as long as they give ſparingly, their recovery is prorogued; and hee that holds faſt his purſe, as if he were benummed, • nd cannot u • tye the ſtrings, this diſeaſed foole ſhall hold faſt his love-ſicke paſſion without the leaſt hopes of any change, Niſi in pejus.

The reaſon of this is ſemblanced from that which Galen affirmeth in his Booke De partibus, &c. that a knotted veine or ſinew hindereth microcoſmall operation; ſo that we, taking the purſe to be the ſubſtance and the ſtrings to be the veines or ſinewes thereof, judge a knotted paire of Purſe-ſtrings to hinder the operation of a Lovers health or happy embraces. Whilſt thus he diſcourſed, there preſented to our view two perſons, the one a man, the other a woman, and both very pale and weake, yet perceiving Cupid ſo neere, the man after many cringes and congies preſented to her asking words, ſaying, Recipe ſcrupulum auri uncius octo, & argenti infuſionis anci • s octoginta ▪ a ſtrong potion thought I, but ſhe tooke it up and carried it away without any Nauſea at all, and imediately recovered, although the man ſeemed not perfectly well, yet his countenance was much amended.

Then curiouſly peruſing the proceedings of theſe miſerable captives; I eſpied one very meager, and almoſt as like a Ghoſt as my ſelfe, who was almoſt ſpent with an extreame conſumption of the purſe, whoſe heart-ſtrings were ſo fretted with the greedy vulture that preyed upon his coyne, that hee fainted at every turne; hee ſhewed the Doctoreſſes his water, which one of them tooke in her hand ſhaking it, the reſt looking on, imagining it to have beene aurum potabile, or argentum vivum, and when ſhee perceived that it was neither yellow, like gold, nor white, like ſilver, but meere ruddy or melancholy muddy urine, ſhe threw it away, and ſaid, unleſſe you depart from hence preſently, and change the ayre, you are a dead man; for I finde you in ſuch a deſperate and dangerous ſtate, that I cannot endure to looke upon your miſery; and thus ſhe ſent him crawling away to recover his loſſes in a bottomleſſe ocean, fruſtrate of his intention.

Another I obſerved that was very coſtive in the way of liberality, to whom a vizarded witch gave a gliſter, that made him ſo gild her hands, not with that kind of gold which comes forth of my coſin Johne back giue, but that which comes from the Mi ••• , whereby hee recovered himſelfe, and grew afterwards very laxative, both to his owne content, and good liking of his attendants. There was another that had no ſtomacke (I meane to part with any thing) the ſame woman gave him but halfe a do • en pills, and hee both purged and vomited ſo much yellow ma • ter, like gold, and greene l • mpes, much like unto Emeralds, that he had no ſooner done, but they all confirmed him to be ſound.

But there was an extreame palſie-handed youngſter; that could very ſeldome f •• de the way into his pocker, and when he had overcome that difficulty, it was ten times more hard for him to unthrew his box where his treaſure was incloſed, for which crime he was •• d to the Univerſitie gate, blind-folded, ••• ch- •• ſted, and his pockets ſowed up, and ſo expulſed for an incurable Idiot.

I entreated Cupid to tell me, which of all theſe ſicke perſone, that he now • ad, or at any time heretofore, was moſt gratefull and beſt accepted of in all this his Hoſpitall: hee anſwered, thoſe that had the • unning Gout, becauſe there was ſomething comming to thoſe than t • nded them; and thoſe alſo, that could purge freely at the hearing of this word, Give me; and finally thoſe that vomit of their owne accord: Theſe are the beſt deſervers, who have both beſt cure and moſt attendants.

Then we directed our ſteps into another Hall, at each end whereof was a ſhop, the one of them an Apothecary, the other of a Barber: the Apothecary had in ſtore ſuppoſitories, injections, and many more ſuch like facilitations, to compell the hide-bound Caitives to a looſeneſſe, and ſupple freeneſſe: there were alſo divers ſorts of plaſters, which Cupid recounted to me, as Dia palma, and emplaſtrum divinum to make them as generous as the Gods themſelves: unguents in abundance, as Ʋnguentum baſilicon for the men, and Vnguentum album, & unguentum aureum, to be given to the women: there were alſo ſirrups and conſerves, to be adminiſtred to thoſe that were become laxative; alſo Gargariſmes, Electuaries, Preparatives, Antidotes, and all ſorts of purgations, and drugges neceſſary or convenient to expulſe and drive away the tedious and detaining humours of ſuch as were through denyall or diſdaine become participants of Loves infirmary.

In the other ſhop the Barbereſſes were very buſie in bloudding, cupping, leeching, ſcarifying, ſnipping, and cutting, whereby I perceived, that their condition was an extracting quality, ſtill to take away what they never intended to reſtore. I obſerved alſo, that theſe barbarous Barbareſſes never opened any veine, but the bloud flowed ſtill from Vena de arca: thoſe that were deſperately handled with Feavors, as being cauſed from the inflammation of their Miſtreſſes beauty, breeding a violent and inſupportable paſſion in the amorous ſpectator, were ſhaved in the crownes, blooded, clipped, and ſtripped even to the ſhirt, for feare they ſhould melt with ardor of their owne heate, and in-bred fire, and thus arrayed they were conducted to the coole bathes of repentance.

This obſerved and ſeene, Cupid directed his courſe forth from theſe Leeches, and I ſteered after him without being ſhaved, for I had not one crowne, neither was I blooded, becauſe they could not finde the veine of my Arke; nor yet was I purged, for that all the humour of my coyne was conſumed; neither was I cured, but rather in more deſperate danger then heretofore, for that the tiſſicke of my ſhort-ſtring'd purſe had ſtopped my pores, that opened the way to happineſſe and freedome. With this cogitation I arrived at an open paire of large gates, and caſting up my head, beheld this verſe taken out of the ſixth Booke of the Prophet Maro, the hundred twenty and ſeventh verſe: Noctes atque dies patet atri janui Ditis.Loves Law Schoole.

And under the ſame was engraven this tetraſticon: The golden oyle makes glib the muteſt tongue, If this appeare, no ſentence can doe wrong: Shew not the weighty cauſe, but weighty coyne, By this we judge the cauſe and ſuite is thine.

This is, ſaid Cupid, the grand hall of Pleaders, where men are clyents, and women Lawyers, for whatſover the men put in, the womens Law ſtands: the clyents here, for the moſt part, are rivalls, or ſuch as are accuſed of negligence in the caſe of giving; and hee that will caſt his oppoſite, muſt begin with a bribe, which wee call a gratuity or ingreſſe to the proceſſe of the ſuite: and if the Iſepriſe or niſi prius be preferred into the Court, before the party accuſed appeares, he is condemned in coſts, and immediately the accuſer is obliged to morgage his purſe untill hee obtaine a ſignificavi, and if the peccant delay to appeare, or at leaſt to put in his lawfull excuſe, then the pleader inſtructs the Judge ſo ſiniſtrouſly againſt the ſame party, that the matter proceedes to a declaration, which is ever grounded upon the a fide data, or Afidavi, and ſo the cauſe comes to an execution, and without demurring is brought to an attachement, which being ſerved by the accuſer, the peccant party is brought in, condemned of double coſts, and fined to pay unto his neglected Miſtreſſe a hundred crownes ſterling, for the diſcurteſie he had done her; or elſe to be caſt into Loves dungeon, which is a place of obſcurity, whoſe walls are all painted and portratur'd with the viſage of diſdaine, his dyet being nothing but coy looke, contempt, reproach, and ſarcaſmall flou • es; he hath at this examinating feaſt a ſet of braying Aſſes for his Muſitians, and never heares any ſongs but invective Odes, and Vinegar Satyrs.

Yet you muſt underſtand, that although the party that is caſt, is damnified, as I have related, yet the accuſer doth not eſcape free, for looke what the peccants charges ſurmount to, the accuſer is conſtrained to pay halfe ſo much to the Lawyers Box for the trouble and diſturbance in the Court: For as in other Common-wealths, he that conceales the crime of another man, is puniſhed by the Law, as being an ill member of the publike ſtate, ſo if we, ſaid Cupid, diſcover a Lover that keepes ſecret the faults of another, he is puniſhed in purſe; and if hee accuſe the delinquent as ſoone as he perceiveth his malice, yet he eſcapeth not ſcot-free, becauſe he is bound to maintain the right and legality of our inſtitution; ſo that he that ſpeeds beſt, cōmeth off with loſſe; for our Maxime is, Diſcordia minuit ſubſtantiam: and we hold another point, which is moſt rigorouſly obſerved, that is, Qui damnum alterius quaerit, ipſe ſibi damnum parit.

I noting in the middle of this Hall a paire of ſcales, asked Cupid the uſe of them, who anſwered, by theſe wee give judgement, not that they ſignifie levell juſtice; but according to the inſtitution of our legall rights: for in one ſcale wee lay the bribe or gratuitie, and in the other the adverſe cauſe, which if it be not accoſted with a greater ſumme then the gratuity of the other is, the cauſe flyes up, were it never ſo ponderous; for my profeſſors ſay, that a penurious cauſe never findes either good cloſe or clauſe; for if his caſe be not well fraught with ſubſtance, and cleare ſhining like the Diamond, wee judge it ſo airy and light, that none of my Counſellors will give directions in it, neither any Barreſter take it into the uttering mouth of his conſideration; for all done here is God-a-mercy penny, for hee that is guarded with the greateſt Troope of Angels, is certainely proclaimed victor. But now, ſaid Cupid, let us proceed, and becauſe time will not licenſe us to viſit my whole Univerſity, as I intended, for that the night is almoſt ſpent, you may obſerve the inſtitution of the reſt of my ſchooles, as we walke, and I will likewiſe give you ſome briefe notice of the ſame as wee paſſe: and now wee came to a port, which was thus portraitur'd: Loves Schoole of Mathematicks.If that to Mathematicks you will climbe, You must aſcend up by the golden line; Our perfect circles are thoſe ſolid things, Poſy'd with James and Charles about the rings.

This is the grand entrance to the Schooles of Mathematicks, which hath many ports, for that it hath many ſeverall arts contained within the latitude of its infiniteneſſe: and this firſt is that which treateth of the elements Mathematicall, not much different from thoſe, which Euclide hath recommended to poſterity. We begin with linea recta, which is made of gold or ſilver wyer, which is never perfectly recta, untill it is in the poſſeſſion of the Mathematician Ladies: It is impoſſible for any ſtudent to prove dari triangulum aequilaterum, unleſſe every angle be equally tipped with pure ductible gold, becauſe there is no true demonſtration where gold appeares not, neither can our young Gallants make good this principle, to wit, Omnis triangulus habet tres angulos aequales duolus rectis, unleſſe the baſis bee of gold, and the whole triangle be pointed with Diamonds; for by the baſis we are certified of the longitude of the reſt of the lines, and by the Diamonds we collect firſt the equality or diſcrepancie of the angles, which joyned together make juſt two ſtraight angles, which poſition rectifies the uncertaine lover ſo, that hee and his Miſtreſſe agree in one and the ſame opinion of infallibility, both becauſe ſhee enjoyeth the figure and all it containes, and hee the Science or experience of the ſame; but yet of all triangles, that which pleaſeth the women beſt is the equilaterall; the Iſoſchele is alſo in much requeſt, becauſe it hath one angle equall to one, and only one different; but the Scalenall triangle is of leaſt eſteeme, becauſe it conſiſteth both of three unequall lines, and as many angles, and therefore requireth moſt time and trouble in the verification of the ſame; yet none of them all are refuſed, becauſe they are all beautified with a diamondall luſtre.

Of all angles, the acute angle is moſt in requeſt, and therefore he that preſents his offerings acutely and quicke, is accounted the beſt Mathematician; for the obtuſe angle, it is the ſignification of a dull and ſlow Mathematitian; and for this reaſon we never prove any thing by the externe angles, which in triangles are continually obtuſe, but onely what is contained within the figure evident to be ſeene.

But yet you muſt know, that we treat not of lines indiviſible as Euclide doth, but De lineis ſubſtantialibus, quae quanto groſsiores, tanto ſunt meliores, beatioreſque illi, qui eaſdem adferunt; for this reaſon we treat not of ſuperficies, ut ſuperficies eſt propriè, but of ſuperficies ſolidata, becauſe wee allow of nothing but what is ſolid, and conſequently trinam habet dimenſionem: Now to come to a quadrate, which is thus defined, Quadratum eſt figura quadrifariàm anguloſa, cujus anguli ſunt aequales, & recti.

This is never practiſed, but when foure pretendents or ſtudious amoriſts ſollicite the ſame female in an equality of engagement; and therefore we terme them a quadrat, becauſe their liberall gifts are ſtill preſented, as I may ſay, in aequilibrio, not one exceeding his corrivall; but when one out-ſtrips the reſt in generoſity, wee conſtitute this quaterniall crew to be a quadrangle, and no longer a quadrat, ever preferring him that is moſt bountifull and quick in freeneſſe of hand and heart before the reſt, and becauſe hee extendeth the quadrilaterall company, and draweth them on to imitate his actions, wee ſtile him the acute angle.

But now to ſpeake of a difficult in Mathematicks, let us ſpeake of a circle, which being defined, Omnium figurarum capaciſsimam eſſe, therefore moſt chargeable to be filled, but the moſt coſt is required, when you will attempt to finde out the center; for this being the chiefe ſecret in all this Claſſe, and onely in the womens power to teach and inſtruct, and againe ſince it cannot be found out, but by the ſemidiameter, which is very apt to erre, unleſſe your Miſtris hold your compaſſe and rule, and guide your pen, otherwiſe it is impoſſible to draw a ſtraight line from the circumference to the center which you deſire, becauſe the place, where you draw, is in perpetuall agitation; and therefore to effect this, it is neceſſary you ſee her exceedingly, otherwiſe you ſhall not obtaine her favour or your owne freedome; nay, when by her direction, you have found out the center, yet when you experience againe, you muſt either bring your reward, or elſe you labour in vain to find out the ſame point. At the end of this diſcourſe wee came to the next Port, which was thus ſuperſcribed: If you in Fencing practice doe take guſt, And would at pleaſure give a ſecret thruſt:Loves Fencing Schoole. Let your bright Rapier ſtill well pointed be With a rich Diamond or a golden fee.

This is, ſaid Cupid, our Fencing Schoole, whoſe wards, thruſts, back-blowes, venies, wipes, touches, croſſe-cudgelling, and under-pointed agility depend all of Mathematicall angles, ſuch as wee have above-mentioned; very eager and boiſterous are this active traine, but yet there is no danger of homicide: the order is, that men ſhall fence againſt women, who although they chance to make a thruſt againſt theſe weaker veſſels, and pierce them at leaſt two handfull deepe, yet the wound is not mortall, becauſe the men have provided a plaiſter of yellow ſalve, and a pretty quantity of unguentum argenteum, the application of which not onely eaſeth her of the wound ſhe felt, but ſo reſtores her, that ſhee is ready for a ſecond combat: and obſerve how deepe the man makes the inciſion or penetration, ſo deepe doth the woman dive into his purſe, for the marrow of a fat purſe is the beſt and ſpeedieſt remedy that can be.

Wee paſſing by accompanied with this diſcourſe, I perceived the doore halfe open, whether it were for benefit of the ayre, or to be beheld, I am not certaine, but I made uſe of the opportunity, and dulling my pace, I eſpied within (as Cupid had related) men to women, and women to men, extreme beautifull and handſome; the men were furniſhed with Bucklers, ſome of plate, and ſome of Gold, with bluntiſh Rapiers in their hands, yet not ſo blunt, but they would enter the moſt difficult and invincible part of any woman there preſent: the women had darts headed with Cupids gold, which the women caſting at them, made them halfe frantick to embrace them; but the Law was, that no man ſhould cloſe, but he muſt firſt deliver up his Buckler into the poſſeſſion of his adverſary, which they obſerved, all that made their thruſts and cloſed upon it, and at the departure or retiring I marked that the man returned without his Buckler, and with the point of his Rapier hanging downewards, to ſignifie he was overcome. Cupid would not permit me to make any longer obſervation, by reaſon of our abreviated time, but commanded mee to accompany him, and when I had overtaken him, wee were juſt againſt another port caractered with this exhaſticon.

This is Arithmeticke, ſaid Cupid, of which you have ſeen ſome experience in other ſchooles: I have nothing more to ſhew you here, but that the chiefe rule in this Claſſe, is that which is called the golden number: the reſt is a proceſſion founded upon this matter, which is made by proportions, or rather proportionalities, which grow into groſſer ſummes by an equall aſcent continuè accreſcendo; but for thoſe which Euclide calls proportionalitates diſcretae, wee meddle not with them niſi tàm per accidens quàm per accedens: verbi gratiâ: quando homo indiſcretus diſcretè nobis pecunias annumerat, as, to declare the caſe more plainely, when a civill or maudlin-drunkard (for we deteſt the very ſight of a bedlam-drunkard) hath loſt his wits in a quart pot, and meeting one of my Girles, intreates her to keep his ring, rich hat-band, or purſe untill next morning, and he immediately fettered in Morphean bands ſleepes away the memory of all his laſt nights worke.

Hee that will be of moſt account, muſt ſum in figures of eight and nine, and the neerer hee comes to thouſands, millions, and ſo is graduated and ſeated ſupra convexum gazophylacii, but yet not admitted tangere concavum, niſi ſit fortaſsis onuſtus: but he that brings his ſummes or accounts caſt up in nothing but cyphers, is rewarded like the Poet, that preſented a Booke of verſes to his Emperour, who peruſing them, and not finding one perfect verſe throughout the whole Volume, rewarded him with ſo many blowes upon the backe as there were verſes in the Booke. This ſaid, we came to another Port, that gave me notice of the practice within, being thus portured: Loves Schoole of Geometry.Geometry is ne'r abuſed worſe, Then when the Student hath forgot his Purſe; But he that brings his full's a demi-god, For that is our Geometritians Rod.

This, ſaid Cupid, is the Schoole of Geometry, which we will alſo paſſe by: here is not practiſed the Science of Mega-coſmography, but the perfect lineaments of Microcoſme, its longitude, latitude, and profundity; for the liberall Geometritian, if he make uſe of his golden Rod, may meaſure both the Marinall and terreſtriall parts of his proſtrate Lindabrides without difficulty; it is not to be underſtood, that hee ſhall onely uſe this Rod, but let him give it to her, and ſhe will direct him, ſo that hee ſhall meaſure her by the foot, nay palme by palme, inch by inch, where and how his luſt or liking fancies; neither hath he cauſe to feare ſhe will ſtart, becauſe this Rod charmes her to be ſtill and quiet, as the great Globe of the earth; for it is like the Mercurian wand, that with the firſt touch convinceth her to reſt as if ſhe were in a rapture. If you will know the true Geometricall diſtance betwix her and your ſelfe, firſt hang a gold or other rich chaine over her head, and you will really beleeve ſhe is immoble, and hath taken root juſt under the chaine or gemme that hath enamoured her ſences, becauſe her affection chaines her to the admiration of that pretious ſhrine; then take your Aſtro labe, Quadrant, Jacobs-ſtaffe, or rather Iacobs ſtuffe, or what Aſtronomicall Inſtrument elſe uſefull in this Science, and take the elevation of her Pole-ſtarre, then proceed per gradus coſmimetrales, ſo aſcend till you come directly over her, and you ſhall finde by the cadencie of the line, that you are no more diſtant from her, then ſhe is from the chaine; therefore hang the chaine about her neck, and three to one ſhee will beſtow a hanging of you.

As my attention ſailed on with the wind of Cupids, no leſſe avaritious then obſcene diſcourſe, there aroſe a ſtronger gale, that preſently grew into a contrary ſtorme, pleaſant, as I imagined, when it firſt pulſed at my eare, becauſe it was muſick, but it ſeemed not ſo congruent to Cupids Courtiers and darlings, becauſe I perceived that thoſe pretenders were repelled with diſdainefull ſpeeches, as full of ſcoffes as diſlike; and without meditation Cupid deſired me to follow him into the Schoole of Muſick, which he haſtily entered, and I as ſpeedily, having not liberty to peruſe the Motto, that adorned the great Port, that gave entrance to divine Harmony; but yet for all my haſte I glanced my eyes upon the inſcription, where I remember it began: Loves Schoole of Muſick.Mony is the beſt Muſicke.—

But what enſued, I never became capable to forget. Here appeared a great tumult, which was, as I apprehended, cauſed by a company of thread-bare ſharkes, that had Harpes, Viols, Lutes, Citernes, Cornets, and many other inſtruments, by which I judged them Muſitians, and wondring at the novelty, I deſired Cupid to declare the reaſon why theſe men were debarred of entrance into the Hall of Loves Muſick; hee reſolved my doubt, ſaying, although theſe appeare Muſitians, yet they appertaine not to the Quire of Loves Muſitians, but to that of Bacchus; for ſince the object of Muſicke Non conſtat ſolùm ex numeris, quos arithmetica docet, ſed ex numeris ſonoris; and theſe Bagge-pipecheek'd warriers, theſe fidling ſottiſh trencher-ſcrapers, whoſe object is not the perfection of this Science, but a deſire to gain a trifle to make themſelves drunke, wee exclude them out of our Traine, as fit retainers to the Phalernian God.

For it is daily ſeene, that if they rub a crowne or ſo out of the guts of their baſe and trouble, or blow a beggery echo into the eares of their auditors, which ends with a what will you beſtow; if they receive their expectation, it onely ſerves to conduct them through the next Taverne; for a Taverne as it is their mint houſe, where their mony is coyned, ſo is it their furnace to melt it over againe and againe, even untill halfe a crowne comes to a halfe penny; they will ſhoot a chain'd bullet, called a paire of groats, at the French But, and will hit the white ſo oft untill they cannot hit their way home: Sacke is their choiſe Nectar, and they love it better than their owne ſoules; they will never leave Sacke, untill they have ſackt out all their ſilver, nay nor then neither, for they will pawne their crowds for more Sacke: Claret is a noble Wine, for that it is of the ſame complexion that Noblemens coats be of, and therefore to furniſh their noſes with a hud of this tincture they ſcarletfie that promontory, to ſignifie they are ſuch or ſuch Noblemens Muſitians: the noyſe of glaſſes is a ſweet harmony, which they delight much in; and when Bacchus is pleaſed to ſee ſport, then they begin to play the Taylors, cutting and ſlaſhing one anothers faces in the neweſt faſhion, and theſe are ſuch, whom you ſee, and whom the Statute confirmes to be vagabundall Rogues. Yet I doe not condemne all for theſe Bacchanalians ſakes; becauſe there are many that dedicate the intereſt of their inſtruments to my imployment, making their way thorow my Mother Venus her Court, and all ſuch Devotiſts we enliſt in the Hall of Muſicke: for you muſt conſider, that our Lawes conſtitute peace and quiet repoſe; why ſhould we then expoſe our ſelves to the imtuous fury of ebriety? you know many Drunkards had rather part from their bodies blood, then their purſe; why ſhould we therefore deſire ſuch company, if wee onely deſire the blood of the purſe, which they onely deſire to beſtow upon the blood of the grape? The greateſt enemy we have is the Vſurer, and the next is this ſort of hide bound Lovers, who are a petty kind of uſurers, they make uſe of their gaines to make themſelves frantick; and therefore inſtead of teaching them our ut, re, mi, wee ſay, out reeling minſtrels; who retire in this diſtemper to the Man in the Moone, and from thence to the naked man, where they leave their ſhirts in pawne to play the purſe-bearer in behalfe of the reckning.

And in ſpeaking this I perceived the poore ſhrugging pedicularians gang away like ſo many gagling wild Geeſe; at whoſe departure a ſweet warbling Girle ſtanding in a Balcone, tuned her Lute, and ſung this Ode: Poore ſilly ſots your ſterved love is coole, Your flat tun'd crowds of Muſick true doe faile, Such empty ayres are noyſome in this Schoole, Your Codrian cringes cannot here prevaile; Thoſe wooden ſtops we hold in diſeſteeme, At Taverne doores Camelions be more bold: None are admitted here, none here are ſeene, But thoſe that play upon the keyes of gold. Why did you knock at this our Muſicke doore? The Port, blind beetles, ſee, it open ſtands; I knew, ſuch ſtammering argu'd you were poore, And therefore practiz'd thus your begging hands. Had you dull aſſes brought your golden load, Loves ſmiles had guided all your gayneſſe in, And ſung your cheerefull purſe a lightning ode, As abſolution from that weight of ſinne; But you, like rag-a-muffin-torne-caps came, Without that feeling fee, which others uſe; Therefore depart like Souldiers that are lame; You muſt not us, but we muſt you abuſe. What can ſuch riming rablers doe or ſay? Give muſing Muſick to a Lady ſweet, This is not giving, but they take away Reſt, honour, fame, and other vertues meet. The ſweeteſt tune is that of groſſeſt pounds, It recreates our eares with pleaſant glee. The Organ yeeldeth high melodious ſounds, Onely for Churches fit, not ſo for me. The mettle of the airy voyces there, Are to a mighty high extolment rais'd; But certifie your ſilly ſelves, that here The voyces of the mettle's onely prais'd. He that to us gives freest, gaineth all, That muſicks prince, who playes the golden note; When this attractive Orpheus doth but call, We cannot chooſe but on his goldings dote.

This pleaſant Damſell had no ſooner ended her melody, but the knot of roguery was quite vaniſhed, and I began to aske of Cupid, what Method they obſerved, to which he anſwered in this manner:

Our Gamoth is very compendious, nothing is neceſſary in it but el a mi, which if you underſtood Spaniſh, you would eaſily apprehend, for it ſignifies, he to me; and this is alſo the cliffe which the men practice in; no note is more profitable and better liked, then a briefe, which my females delight in for the quick ſignification the word imports, although the note amongſt other Muſitians is extended to a whole time; a ſemi-briefe is better allowed of for that which belongs to time, although of leſſe eſteeme for the verball ſignification; a crotchet is good, if it make up the time with crownes inſtead of notes: quavers and ſemiquavers, and ſuch like are to bee admitted with much caution, by reaſon of the trembling condition which is ordinarily annexed to the airy practice thereof; Minums are as much as mine or munera; and therefore the women doe not ſay minum, but mine, hum: our ſongs are all plaine, and tangible. Many ſorts of Inſtruments we uſe; the women play upon the Ho-boy, when they ſee their Gallants well furniſhed with gold, which they uſe for a call: Corrivals play upon the Cornet, which is a manifeſt ſigne their Miſtreſſe hath cornuted them: and when they have conſumed their ſtore, they are forced to play a mournfull Ditty upon the Band-whore; the Virgin-all is an inſtrument which my Damſels can ſcarce play of, becauſe their ſtrings are ſo apt to breake; wee have very few men, but they are experienced in the Vi-hole, and when they have almoſt ſpent their ſubſtance, then they begin to practiſe the Baſe: the men practice much of the Virgin-holes, which yeelds ſweet Harmony if the wyer be of gold, and the keyes of Diamond, and with this they adjoyne the Bag-pipe, becauſe it is a wind-inſtrument, and never playes but when the bag is full.

Many other inſtruments play the Lovers diapaſon, but wee cannot ſtay to number them and their properties, becauſe our time is almoſt expired. Here is a Claſſe, a ſpecies of Arithmeticke, which is of Hoſteſſes and Vintners, which inſtructs them how to make their accounts to their gueſts; and caſting my head aſide, I ſaw the doore caſt into my eyes theſe villainous Rimes: Hoſts and Vint' nereſſe looke to your ſcore,Loves Schoole of Inne-keepers and Vintners. For a pint ſet a pottle, for a jugge chalke on foure; If your gueſts they be lodgers, Love gives you a curſe, If before it be morning you pick not their purſe.

I made towards the doore, intending to ſee ſome of their deceits, but Cupid detained mee, ſaying, it was a Schoole of reckning, and therefore he were beſt take heed; for of all my Univerſity there is not a more unconſcionable place, ſo that if you enter, you ſhall not returne, untill you pay them their deſire, becauſe you ſhall no ſooner appeare within their walls, but they begin to wait and watch what you call for, and if you be mute, they will take you for a foole, and ſo either uncap you, or uncloake you, and ſend you back the ſame way you enter: This heard, my journey was ſtayed, but yet my deſire was ſomething warme, inſomuch, that I warily peeped in, where I ſaw ſuch an infinite multitude of fat Hoſteſſes and leane gueſts, that I ceaſed to wonder at Cupids words, and began to admire the ſtrange poſture they appeared in; for every one lifted up their hands, and, as I thought, ſaid the Lords Prayer; but attending with a more diligent eare, they continually repeated nothing of it but, Give us this day; which when I heard, I imagined they prayed for my comming; but without delay I ſlided by, and ſo Cupid conducted me within a ſhort ſpace to the great Claſſe of Aſtrology, whoſe Perch gave this inſtruction, ſaying; Loves Schoole of Aſtrology.Aſtrologia Amoris.

And upon the next Port (which ſtood a little diſtance off) all ſtudded with Diamonds in-laid with Gold, that ſhined as if they had beene ſo many Starres, and I come to the ſtellified firmament, were expoſed to the view of all, that deſired to prove their fortunate or ſiniſtrous chance, theſe verſes in faire Golden Characters, and thus diſtically diſtnguiſhed.

I was not pricked on with ſuch ſpeed to have entred the laſt rehearſed Schoole, but I was as ſlow to ſee and underſtand the knowledge of this, becauſe my poverty ſuggeſted unto mee an aſſured prognoſtication of my unhappy ſucceſſe, yet Cupid comforting me with hopes of change, willed me to forget my preſent ſtate, and to follow him: I obeyed his perſwaſion, and entred the moſt glorious concave that ever eyes beheld, for it was made in manner of a ſphere, gilded with Starres of orientall Gold, whoſe intermedium was skie-colour enamill, rough-caſted with all ſorts of rich ſtones: I had not beene a minute, but I imagined my ſelfe to live in the midſt of the torrid Zone, and mounting up my ſight, I ſaw the Sunne directly in my Zenith, and in the middle of Aries, for that it was betwixt the ſixteenth degree of that ſame Signe, being then equinoctiall, and I had a ſtrong conceit, that the very heat which the reſplendency of this Sun cauſed, had even boyled my braines, had not Cupid taken me by the hand, and conducted me to a more temperate Climate; for he brought me to a faire Ebony Table, whereon was placed a Booke in folio magno, which I perceived to be a memoriall of ſucceſſes, or Aſtronomicall rules for enſuing matters, and without further pauſe I unfoulded the volume, in whoſe Frontiſpiece this Title was contained:

THis Prognoſtication, ſaid Cupid, ſince it is generall, not onely prenotes a firme judgement of one or two yeeres, but is infallibly certaine to the conſummation of the world; and becauſe I my ſelfe know intirely and intenſely the force of thoſe refulgent Diamonds, the Stars, that beautifie the celeſtiall Vault, whoſe influence inſtills a golden gift into my Students deſires, therfore I have conſtituted, that the chiefeſt Planet that predominates in my Kingdome ſhall be Venus, the Goddeſſe of Beauty, and conſequently the Mother of Love, whoſe computation is to be made per calculum album, ſeu aureum, or, as it is commonly practiſed, per aureum numerum, whereupon ſhe threatens oblivion and diſdaine to the unfortunate Lover, that cannot ſumme up his pretended ſuit by this computation.

Behold Luna, how ſhe beatifies her aſpect with a ſmiling countenance; her encreaſe promiſeth happy ſucceſſe to the ponderous Lover; but if this ſinner want increaſe, hee cauſeth her favourable friendſhip to decreaſe; and in caſe he hath rivalls, let him expect the true demonſtrances of his fortune the next New Moone, becauſe then ſhe preſents him with a paire of hornes.

The Conjunctions creſcent and diminiſhing ſignifie, that many gallant Dames ſhall increaſe in riches, and their adorers decreaſe in the purſe.

The ſilver, golden, and gemmiſh Starres, are preſagers of proſperity; and for this reaſon the poore Lover is called diſaſtrous, becauſe his penury cannot reach to the knowledge or poſſeſſion of them.

You Labourers, or Husbandmen in love, have a care that you manure your ground with good fatning, plow without bawkes, and ſowe thicke, if you deſire to reape any fruit by your endeavors, for hee that manures ſeldome, tilleth gowtily and ſowes the thin and light graine of promiſes or frivolous words, ſhall gather nothing but the unprofitable weedes of denyals.

If Loves Husbandmen be married; they muſt obſerve ſtrictly the tillage and ſemination of that piece of Land that lyes next to their houſes; otherwiſe their Wives will teach them how to ride Taurus, and hold by his head inſtead of a bridle.

Cloſe by the Signe Virgo ſtands Libra, to ſignifie, that Virgo hath ſomething to ſell, but if you intend to buy of the beſt, bring with you your libra argenti, and then you ſhall not neede to dodge, but clap up your bargaine with onely ſaying, Here is your price.

Jupiter in Virgine ſignifies, that Virgins had rather be broke up by noble and rich men, then beggers, becauſe they deſire to live and lye where the influence of treaſure is; Ʋbi theſaurus, ibi & cor ipſarum.

Sol in Sagittario prenotes a proſperous voyage to all our Courtiers that begin their engagements in this month, for they never ſhoot when Sol is in Sagittarius his Bow, but with golden Boults, and then they are ſure not onely to hit the white, but cleave the hub of their intent.

Sol in Aquario is a ſwimmer, and foretells that he may adventure to ſwim in the Ocean of Loves embraces, who can make an Hydaſpian River towards his Venus. Quid non mortalia pectorae cogit auri ſacra fames?

Venus in Ariete ſignifies, that Venus ſells fleſh, and he that brings good ſtore of gold, ſhall chuſe what joynt he likes beſt in all her ſhambles; but he that comes without or at moſt with very little, ſhall onely carry away the head, as an Enſigne how he is eſteemed.

Sol in Cancro ſeldome promiſeth benevolence, but of the womens part clowdy and obſcure events, for our Aſtronomers prognoſticate ill omen to all thoſe that enter whilſt this aſpect is in power, becauſe it is the Solſtice of liberality amongſt the men. Shut the Univerſities doores.

The Sextile aſpect is very acceptable to the female kinde, becauſe its Character, as you ſee, *, points like a bountifull Starre round about, and gives to all; which affirmes, that all thoſe that woe with this aſpect, ſhall arrive at the creek of their owne deſire and content.

The Oppoſition is malevolent both to poore and rich; to rich, becauſe they oppoſe themſelves againſt the generous and laudable quality of giving; to the poore, becauſe they have nothing to give.

If the Gallant ſollicit for a conjunction, when Cancer raignes, he hardly obtaines his wiſh, becauſe the Crab continually is accompanied with vinegar ſauce, eſpecially if the female be not extraordinarily pleaſed, who cauſeth a Pagient of Capricorne, to ſignifie that ſuch a lubber-fiſted Gallant is held a Monſter in Cupids Doctrine: But if the Gallant pretend a conjunction when the Rammes golden Fleece and the yellow Lion preſent their aſpects, then the female dignifies the Rammiſh Gallant with the mild union of the ly-on.

He that touches the Dragons tayle is in danger to be ſtung; therefore to avoid this killing kinde of malice, it is neceſſary that hee hang his purſe about this Dragons necke, and whilſt ſhe playes with it, he may play with her tayle. Cupid would not permit me to paſſe on, but cut off the eagerneſſe of my deſire, ſaying, day now approaches, & therefore wee muſt depart, onely I will ſhew you my Library, and there we will end. But as wee went, I deſired Cupid to relate ſomething more concerning the fixed ſtars, who began thus; The conſtellations or figured congregations of fixed ſtarres according to other Aſtrologers are forty and eight, but in Schoole the number is much abreviated; we divide them into five for the women, as aggreeable to ther diſpoſition, and other five appropriated to the mens function; thoſe which belong to the women are urſa major, which ſignifies the graver ſort of my Matrones; the next is urſa minor, which are the younger; the third is lupus, a true type of their avaritious ſtomacke; the fourth draco, that with her breath poyſons all; the fifth is argus, whoſe multiplicitie of eyes darts invincible allurements at all that come within her view, and alſo ſets vigilant eyes on all, that none ſhall eſcape her.

The maſculine are auriga, or as wee terme it, auri-gaza, that drives Bootes to be unloaded at Dracos cloſet doore; the ſecond is cygnus, repreſenting thoſe that are ſerious ſollicitors for the fulfilling of their argus deſire, who, at every departure from their faire ones, ſing forth the death of their purſe, which nimble-ey'd Argus ſhewes a Mercurian ſlight; the third is crater, a ſtanding diſh of gold, alwayes fit for lupus ſtomacke, the fourth is corona auſtralis, repreſenting the noble-minded ſuiter, who would make urſa major a Queene, if his power were correſpondent to his will; the laſt is corona borealis, given freely to urſa minor, to appeaſe her choler or coldneſſe, and to make her eight bright eyes benevolent to the meſſenger.

Loves Library.In ſpeaking of this we entred Loves Library, which was very ſpacious, and compleatly filled with great variety of Bookes of all faculties, and in all kindes of Volumes.

Theſe, ſaid Cupid, are not called Bookes, but Tomes, or Sections, for that our courtly Dames ſtudy onely to exect or cut off their thread-bare curteſans, and induce freſh and new furniſhed ones: And viewing theſe Tomes, ſaw chained up in golden linkes two Spaniſh Poets, Dante and Coſt, and an Engliſh one called Meſſenger, which Meſſenger they entertaine, hoping ſtill to ſee the good and gratefull newes of a well-filled purſe, but if it prove contrary to their expectation, they command ſhaving Shirly to make him acquainted with Sir Philip, and ſo they flirt him into Arcadia to ſing a lamentation for his loſt Miſtreſſe.

There was alſo Shakeſpeere, who (as Cupid informed me) creepes into the womens cloſets about bed time, and if it were not for ſome of the old out-of-date Grandames (who are ſet over the reſt as their tutoreſſes) the young ſparkiſh Girles would read in Shakeſpeere day and night, ſo that they would open the Booke or Tome, and the men with a Feſcue in their hands ſhould point to the Verſe.

I proceeded to another ranke of Philoſophers, and there was Philoſophia de Pla, whom they read as a nominall, for the vicinity that Pla hath to Plate; and after this was their Divine, Plato, a nominall that inſtructed the ſame Doctrine: there were Rubeus and Aureolus, thoſe golden nominalls; alſo More and Durandus, to ſignifie, that thoſe which read More, muſt give more, for according to the extenuation of the gifts, the perſons were aſſured of their durance, and this was the reaſon that More and Durandus were ſet together, for • ee that reades More, gives more, and he that gives more, is a Durand or of durance, but he that gives not, ſhall not be endured in Cupids Schooles. Infinite was the number of Tomes, which I will omit for brevities ſake, only remembring a few to give the Reader notice, that as they began ſo they ended, intending ſtill upon covetouſneſſe. There was Tollet, à tollendo, the womens Author; Aſinus aureus, a preſent for the women, which is interpreted to be a rich ſimplitian, more full of gold then wit; Catena aurea, full of bracelets and ſuch like riches proper to the womens poſſeſſion; and Bartholomeus Anglicus de lapidibus precioſis.

Theſe and many other Tomes were imprinted in ſeverall places; thoſe which were Authors for the women, were all imprinted in Capua, à capiendo; and thoſe which belonged to the men, and treated of Jewels and ſuch like, were imprinted in the City of Valencia; the other, that treated of gold and ſilver, had their impreſſion in the Ile of Waight.

Now, ſaid Cupid, you have ſeene, what this ſhort time could benefit you with, and all that I can doe, is to reconduct you to the place where I firſt found you: Thus wee returned, Cupid accompanying me untill I came to Loves Garden gate; and in this paſſage ſpace I made uſe of the remnant of time which was remaining in asking what vacations they obſerved: to which hee anſwered, O what a pitifull Univerſity ſhould I have, if I permitted Vacations! we diſagree in this point from other Vniverſities, for that wee have no Vacations, for the great hurt they cauſe both to male and female, which would be imployed in idleneſſe and fruitleſſe actions, contrary to the tenure of our inſtitution; and therefore what wee begin, we proſecute, and allow of no ceſſation.

But that our Tomes may alwayes be imployed, I have ordained many houres of recreation, and as many ſorts of paſtime: As to play at ball, the men providing ſuch balls as that which was caſt amongſt the Goddeſſes in Ida's Valley; and the cuſtome is, that men poſt and throw, and the women keepe and catch; for the women catch excellent well, but throw as bad; and the men throw, well and catch very ill. They play much at Nine-holes, but the men bowle continually; and when they enter, they forfeit a certaine ſum of money, it being the generall rule with us, that no man can enter without loſſe. Here alſo is Artilery, and the women are the Butts, but the moſt expert Archer is hee that ſhootes with golden-headed Arrowes, who hits the marke every ſhoot. We uſe Dice, and ſometimes Tables, and if the men adventure againſt the women at Tiktak, they are certaine to loſe all they play for, and if the men loſe all, then the women deſire them to play at Paſſage amongſt themſelves. Noddy and Catch-foole are their chiefe Games at Cards. Shoovell-boord is alſo in great requeſt, and very acceptable to the Women, becauſe their lap is the Box, and all is theirs that falls therein.

Whilſt my fancy gave audience to the God thus diſcourſing, and as I imagined tracing on towards the place of our parting, a boy with a Towell and a Baſon of water opened my chamber doore, and avvaked me out of this Dreame, vvhen he ſaid it vvas ſeven of the clock, at vvhich I aroſe, and veſted, I turned downe the pillow where I found a branch of Laurell under my head, which one had laid there, who as ſoone as the party had given me my mornings ſalutation, deſired me to declare my dreame, if perchance I had any that night: I deſired her to excuſe mee for the preſent, and within few dayes I vvould accompliſh her deſire, becauſe my dreame vvas true; and immediately incloſing my ſelfe in my Cloſet, I began this relation vvhich you have heard concerning Loves Schooles, from vvhence proceedeth the baſe and covetous deſire of Intereſt.