BOOK I.
SATYR I. By A. B. That Men are not contented with their Conditions.
HOw comes it (great Maecenas) that there's not
A man, who lives contented with that lot
Which choice inclin'd, or chance expos'd him to,
But all applaud what others are and do?
Oh happy Merchant, then the Souldier sayes,
When by old age and toil his strength decayes;
The Merchant when th' insulting billows rise,
And toss his tottering Ship, Give me (he cries)
The Souldiers life, for he meets in a breath
A joyful victory or certain death.
The Lawyer when he hears his Clients knock
At's gate before the crowing of the Cock,
Admires the Country life, while the poor Swain,
Being from his home up to the City drawn
[Page 186]To follow
Law-suits, does conclude no mens
Conditions happier then the Citizens.
But the whole rabble of this sort of men
Would be so numerous it would tire the Pen
Of Scribling Fabius; so I'le pass by those,
And draw the matter to this point: Suppose
Iove said, I'le make you what you would be; thou
Who wert a Merchant, be a Souldier now.
Thou that a Lawyer wert, shalt now commence
A Husbandman; change sides, and so pack hence
You t'your new Calling, you to yours; Nay, nay,
Now your desires are granted, why d'you stay?
Fond fools! you'l not be happy, though you may.
Is it not reason then great Iove should be
Highly incensed, and declare that he
Will be no more propitious unto them,
But all their vain and various prayers contemn?
This is no laughing matter, nor would I
Be thought to speak all this in Drollery,
Though to blurt out a truth has never been
(In way of merriment) esteem'd a sin.
The flattering Master thus his Boys presents
With Cakes, to make them learn their Rudiments.
But let's leave fooling, and be serious now;
The Clown that rends the pondrous Earth with's plough,
The cheating Tradesman, and the Souldier too,
The Sea-man bold, who ploughs the Ocean through;
All these their various toils endure (they say)
Meerly with this intention, that they may
When they grow old, with peace injoy that store
Which their industrious youth had gain'd before.
Just like the Ant (for that's their pattern) small
In bulk, but great in thrift; who draws in all
[Page 187]That e're she can, and adds it to her store,
Which she fore-seeing want, had heap'd before;
And in the rage of Winter keeps within,
To feed on what her providence laid in:
But neither sword, fire, water, heat, nor cold,
Nor any thing keeps thee from getting Gold,
Onely spurr'd on with that ambitious itch,
To have the World say, Thou art Devilish rich.
What good in thy vast heap of Treasur's found,
Which thou by stealth dost bury under ground?
But if it be diminisht once, thou'lt say
Thy whole estate will dwindle soon away.
[...]nd if thou spend'st not out of it, what pleasure
[...]an'st thou take in a heap of hoarded Treasure?
[...] thy Barn held ten thousand sacks of Wheat,
[...]et thou can'st eat no more then I can eat.
Among thy fellow slaves when thou'rt pickt out
To bear all their provision about,
With which thy Shoulders gall'd and weary grow [...].
Thou eat'st no more then one that carried none.
Or (tell me prithee) what the difference is
To him that makes the Rules of Nature his,
Whether he does a thousand Acres sow,
Or on a hundred does his pains bestow?
But oh (thou cri'st) men do great pleasure reap
In taking Gripes out of a plenteous heap.
Yet since out of a little thou dost leave
As much as we've occasion to receive,
Why should'st thou thy vast Granaries prefer
Before our Willies, which much lesser are?
Or if thou hast occasion to take up
Water enough to fill a Butt or Cup,
Why should'st thou say, thou hast a greater will
Out of that river, then this spring to fill?
[Page 188]Hence it proceeds infallibly, that those
Who to their wills are superstitious,
Uncurb'd desire drives them to this and that,
Until at last they'ld have they know not what.
Whilst who confines his mind to Natures laws,
The troubled muddy water never draws,
Nor in the river does his life expire:
But most of men deceiv'd by false desire,
Say, Noughts enough; 'cause they absurdly guess
At what men are, by what they do possess.
To such a Miser what is't best to do?
Let him be wretched, [...]ince he will be so.
Thus that Athenian Monster Timon, which
Hated Man-kind, a sordid Knave, but rich,
Was wont to say, When ere I walk abroad
The People hiss me, but I do applaud
And hug my self at home, when I behold
My chests brim-full with Silver and with Gold.
So Tantalus, being extreamly drie,
Courts the swifte stream, which does as coily flie.
Why laughst thou Miser? if thy name should be
A little chang'd, the Fables told of thee,
Who on thy full cramb'd Bags together laid,
Do'st lay thy sleepless and affrighted head;
And do'st no more the moderate use on't dare
To make, then if it consicrated were:
Thou mak'st no other use of all thy gold,
Then men do of their pictures, to behold.
Do'st thou no [...] know the use and power of coyn?
It buys bread, meat, and cloaths, (and what's more wine;)
With all those necessary things beside,
W [...]thout which Nature cannot be suppli'd.
[Page 189]To sit up and to watch whole dayes and nights,
To be out of thy wits with constant frights,
To fear that thieves will steal, or fire destroy,
Or servants take thy wealth, and run away.
Is this delightful to thee? then I will
Desire to live without those Riches still.
But if the pains of stomach, or the head,
Or other sickness fix thee to thy bed,
Hast thou a visitant to sit down by thee,
Who with due food and Physick will supply thee?
Or make the D [...]ctor rid thee of thy pain,
And to thy friends restore thee sound again?
Thy wife and children thy quick Death desire,
So do thy friends and kindred: Ne're admire
That they don't shew thee love, thou merit'st none,
For before all thou preferr'st wealth alone.
If thou thy friends or kindred would'st retain,
And not be liberal, thy task's as vain
As his, who in the Field does teach an Ass
T'obey the bridle, and to run a race.
Make once an end of gaining, that the more
Thou hast, the less thou'st tremble to be poor.
Begin to end thy labour, having got
That which thou didst desire, and follow not
That rich Umidius, whose chests did so swell,
He measur'd's money which he could not tell,
So sordid, that he never did go higher
Then his mean'st Servants did, in his attire:
And to his dying day in fear he stood,
Least he should die meerly for want of food;
Till his bold Con [...]ubine did boldly do
A Heroes act, and cut the Slave in two.
But now thou'lt ask me, whether I'de have thee,
A Miser or a Prodigal to be?
[Page 190]Thou still art in
extreams; I would not have
Thee covetous, nor a vain squandring Knave.
'Twixt rough Visellius and smooth Tanais
The Eunuch, a vast difference there is.
There is a mean in things, and certain lines
Within which virtue still it self confines.
But I'le return from whence I came; are none
But greedy Slaves delighted with their own
Conditions? Do all praise each others lot,
And pine to see their Neighbours Goat has got
A Dug more full of Milk then theirs? and ne're
Themselves with the poorer sort of men compare:
(Though that's the greater number) but aspire
Still to ore-top this man and that, whose higher!
It curbs the Spirit of that person which
Tugs to grow great, when he meets one more rich,
So when the Chariots from the Barriers are
Let loose to run a Race, the Charioter
Minds still those horses which out-stript his owne,
Slighting those which by t'other are ou [...] gone.
And hence it comes, we seldome find a man
That sayes He has liv'd happily, and can
Like a well-feasted-guest depart at last
Contented with that part of 's life that past.
Now 'tis enough; least you should think that mine
'S like Crispins Volumns, I will not add a line.
SATYR II. By A. B. That while foolish men shun one Vice, they run into another.
THe Players, Empricks, Beggars, and the noise
Of Fidlers, all the roaring Damn-me boyes,
And all that sort of cattel do appear
Extreamly sad, and much concern'd to hear
Their friend Tigillus is deceas'd; For he
Did treat them with great liberality.
While the close miser, least he should be thought
A prodigal; oth' contrary, gives nought
To his dear friend (though ne're so much he need)
To cloath his body, or his belly feed.
If one should ask the Prodigal, why he
By an ungrateful sottish gluttony,
That brave estate bequeath'd him by his friends
And Ancestors, so prodigally spends;
And at great interest take up money too,
Meerly in needless luxury to bestow:
His answer is, Because he scorns to be
Esteem'd a sordid fellow, or that he
Has but a narrow soul: So up he's cri'd
By some, while others him as much deride.
Fufidius the Usurer fears to have
The Reputation of an unthrift Knave,
Rich both in moneys out at use, and lands,
But when he lends, he still detains in's hands
Five times the interest from the principal;
And where he finds his Debtors prodigal,
[Page 192]Those he gripes most severely: He inquires
For wealthy heirs new come of age, whose Sires
Had been close-fisted to them and severe.
Good God! what persons who shall come to hear
Such horrid actions, won't exclaim? But oh!
(You'l say) he does't for his livelihood. Oh no!
You can't believe how much this love of Pelf,
Makes this vile Slave an enemy to himself.
Old Menedemus, whom the Comedy
Brings weeping in, and living wr [...]tchedly
For his lost son, could not himself torment
More then this sordid Beast. To what intent
All this is said, if you desire to know,
It onely tends to this design, to show
That fools, when they attempt one Vice to slun,
Into the contrary do madly run.
This man his garment down to th' ground does wear,
And that so short his privities appear.
Perfum'd Rufillus wears a gaudie coar,
Gorgonius stinks as nastie as a Goat.
Men do observe no means, but this mans flames
Must be allay'd onely with Roman Dames.
Another does a common Quean admire,
That prostitutes her self to all for hire.
A man of note came from the publick stews,
And, to applaud his action, he did use
Cato's Divine old Sentence, Bravely done,
Go on, and prosper in what th'hast begun:
For when the rage of Lust inflames your blood,
'Tis lawful to come hither, but not good
Another Nuptial bed to violate.
While Cupiennius cries out, I hate
To be applauded for this nicety,
Give me anothers wife, she's safe and free.
That would not have uncleanness prosperous,
To see how they are Plagu'd on every hand,
How often they fall into danger, and
How small, and seldome too, they pleasures gain,
And those corrupted with much grief and pain.
This leaps from th'top o'th'house, and thinks to flie,
But breaks his neck; and that's whipt till he die;
This as he flies, 'mong thieves and robbers falls,
And that with's pur [...]e redeems his Genitals.
This is by Foot-men buggar'd, and sometimes
Those members which commit these shameful crimes,
Do loose their Heads, and justly too; all say,
None but that rutting Galba dares lay, nay.
But 'tis more safe to venture your estate
In Ships, that are but of the second rate;
Daughters of Captives that have been made free,
Yet Salust plaid the fool as much as he
That does commit adultery; For he had
A generous Soul, and would be very glad
Of any good occasion, that he
Might but express his liberalitie,
(In modest manner though) he would dispence
His money to all freely, yet from thence
No damage came to him, no disrepute,
But still he lov'd a gentle prostitute.
This was that darling Vice he lov'd to th'life,
But still he cri'd, I'le meddle with no mans wife.
Just so Marcaeus did, who heretofore
Onely admir'd an honourable whore,
And his Paternal Fortune fool'd away
On a she-thing, that on the Stage did play.
Yet still he said, I thank my stars, that I
With wives of other men did never lie.
[Page 194]But if with
wh [...]res and
mimicks he'd to do,
His fame more suffer'd, then his wealth came to.
What satisfaction can it to us bring,
To shun one person, and not ev'ry thing
That every way does hurt us? To destroy
Our reputation, and to fool away
Th' Estate our parents left us, certainly
Is a great vice, which way so e're it be.
So Villius, who had a mind to be
The Son in Law of Sylla, how was he
Severely punish'd? Maul'd with Fists, nay more,
Stabb'd with Steeletto's, then kickt out of door.
(Poor wretch! how was he chou'sd with name and stile?)
But Longarenus lay with her the while.
Now if that Natural genius of his
Should say to him, when he had seen all this,
Sir, what d'you mean? Do I require, when e're
I am inrag'd, the Daughter of a Peer
Or any marri'd woman? what could he
Then answer to't? that womans meat for me,
Who is descended of a noble stem.
But Nature teaches better things then them,
And quite repugnant too; Great Nature, which
In her own help is plentifully rich,
If we would rightly use them, and descry
What we should choose, from what we ought to fly,
Does it no difference appear to thee
By lust to perish, or necessity?
Then that thou may'st not that vain work attempt,
Of which thou surely wilt too late repent,
Pursue not Matrons; for the cost and pain
Will far surmount the pleasure thou canst gain.
[Page 195]Nor is their
Flesh more tender, nor are they
Mo [...]e clean-limb'd, whose attire is rich and gay,
And do with jewels deck their necks and ears,
(Such as th' effeminate Corinthus wears;)
Nay oftentimes that Lass, who's plain and free,
Wears better Limbs then your great Madams be▪
She does her mercenary Flesh expose,
Undeckt by art, and openly she shows
The ware she means to utter, nor will she,
If any part about her hansome be,
Proudly show that alone, nor strive to hide
Those parts, which Nature has not beautify'd.
So Princes, when they Horses go to buy,
Into the cover'd parts most strictly pry,
Least the same Horse, that's lovely to behold
With a small head, and a crest high and bold,
And a round buttock, the eager Buyer cheat,
Because he's lame, or foundred in his feet.
This they do well in; for we should not pry
On their perfections with a Lynxes Eye,
And be as blind as Hypsea was, when we
Their greater imperfections ought to see.
Oh comely legs and armes! (sayes one) and yet
She is pin-buttock'd, and has long-splay Feet,
Short-wasted, but a nose of such a size,
That all the Members shortness it supplies.
Thou canst no part of a grave Matron see,
Except her face, the rest all cover'd be,
Unless it be of Catia, who, although
She be a matron, does unvailed goe.
If thou attempt forbidden wives to win
To thy desires, they are incompass'd in
With guards and walls? 'twill make thee mad to see
How many things there are to hinder thee.
[Page 196]There's
Guardian, Coach-man, Tire man, Flatterer, A gown to th' heels, a vail that covers her;
And many more [...] envious things there be,
Make thee the [...], as [...] thou canst not see.
A Lass ne're hinders thee, she will appear
In dress transparent, as she naked were;
That thou maist by thine Eye discern, that she
Is straight in th' waste, and that her anck [...] be
Not great, and gou [...]y; and her feet are nea [...].
Does any man desire to have a chea [...]
Impos'd upon him? and be made pay down
The price ere the commodity be shown?
But thou art like the Hunts-man, who does go
After the Hare up to the knees in Snow,
Wh [...]ch being caught, makes him a chearful Feast,
Yet hee'l not touch a Hare brought ready drest.
Thou scorn'st that Lass thou may'st with ease enjoy,
And court those that are difficult and coy.
But doest thou think thy passions to appease
With such vain and impert'nent flames as these?
Has not wise Nature bounded thy desire?
Does it not more avail thee to enquire,
What she cann't be without, and what she may,
And pare what ere's superfluous away?
When thou art thirsty, m [...]st thou onely drink
Out of a Golden goblet? or doest think
All meat is loathsome, when thou'rt hungry grown,
But Turlet, or the Phe [...]s [...]nt poult alone?
So when thy [...] flames grow strong and high,
Wilt thou not take [...] next thou canst come by?
Be't Kitchin wench, or Scullion boy; or else,
Wouldst have that [...] which so extreamly swells?
I'm of another humour, for to me
That girl is best, that's easiest; and she
Ask her the Question, sa [...]es Yes by and by,
As soo [...]'s my Servant is gon forth, or sayes
She'l gratifie me, if the price I raise.
Those that are hard, and te [...]ious to be won,
Are for the feeble Eunuchs taste alone:
Give me a coming Lady, that ne're stands
Consid'ring long, nor great rewards demands;
But when I call her quickly comes to me,
Let her not ugly, nor yet cro [...]ked be,
But of good colour, and clean-limb'd withal,
Of a good size, not by Chipe [...]ns made tall;
Nor let her by her painting make more fair
Her face and skin, then they by Nature are.
When such a Creature in mine Armes does lie,
She is m [...] Love, my Queen, my Deitie;
I call her by all names, nor do I [...]oubt
When we our Deeds of Pleasure are about,
The barking Dogs, the breaking ope of doors,
And all the Home disturb'd with great uproars,
Her jealous husband will return to see,
How he is cuckolded by her and me;
While the poor woman starts from off her Bed,
Pale and affrighted, 'cause discovered,
And being conscious cries, Oh I'm undone!
I shall be fetter'd, and my Por [...]on's gone.
And I without my Breeches then m [...]st pack,
Bare-foot and coat-less, all to save my back
From the dire Lash, or to preserve my Purse,
Or else my R [...]putation, which is worse.
For to be taken is a Crime, 'tis true,
And 'tis a pitiful misfortune too;
I dare be judg'd by Fabius, who does know
All this is true, for he has been serve [...]so.
SATYRE III. By A. B. That men are quick-sighted to pry into other mens infirmities, and connive at their own.
ALl Songsters have this humour, that among
Their friends they can't abide to sing a Song
If they're intreated; but they'l ne're give ore
If not desired. This was heretofore
Tige [...]ius vice; Caesar who could command,
If by the friendship of his Father, and
His own, he did intreat but for one Ayre,
This Songster would not sing; yet if he were
Once in the humour, all the Supper long
He would to Bacchus sing, Song after Song;
His voice to th'highest treble rais'd, and then
Descending down to th'lowest base again.
A most unsteady fellow, somet [...]mes he
Woul [...] run, as if pursu'd by's enemy;
Sometimes hee'ld slowly walk, as if he were
T [...]e Sacred host about the street to bear.
Sometimes attended with two hundred men
Heel'd walk, at other times with onely ten.
Now Kings and Princes, and all great things be
The subjects of his talk: Anon (sayes he)
Give me a three-leg'd board, a shell to hold
A l [...]ttle [...]alt, and to keep off the cold
A gown, though ne're so course; if you present
This poor abstemious person, who's content
Now with so little, with a thousand pound,
In five dayes there will not a Great be found
In's pocket: He the day in sle [...]p doth pass,
And [...] all night long; there never was
Was to himself: But some may say to me,
Pray what are you? Have you no crime at all?
Yes, Other vices, not perhaps so small.
When Menius absent, Novius did upbraid,
You Sir, d'you hear? D'you know your self? (one said)
Or do you think to cheat us, as if we
Did not know what you are? Menius, said he,
Could wink at, and forget his own faults; this
Is both a vile and silly love, and'tis
Fit to be taken notice of, when with blear eyes
We over-look our own infirmities.
Why should we into our Friends errors pry
As narrowly as with an Eagles eye,
Or Basi [...]cks piercing look? 'twill come about,
As we do theirs, they'l find our Vices out.
An angry man is no way fit to bear
The jeers, which from the Wits he's forc'd to hear:
They'l jeer him if ill shav'd, or if his Gown
In a neglected posture hangeth down:
Or if his Shooes are not well t [...]'d, though he
May be as honest as their Witships be.
Though he's a Friend, though a great Wit does lie
Within that Body, drest so clownishly.
Examine well thy self, see if there be
The seeds of any Vices sow [...] in thee;
By Nature or ill custome we discern,
Neglected Fields still over grown with Fearn,
Let's raise our selves up to this frame of mind,
To be t' our Friends infirmities as [...]lind
As Lovers to their Mistresses can be,
Who either don't their imperfections see,
Or if they do, they're pleasing to them, th [...]s
Balbinus lik'd even Agnas Polypus.
[Page 200]I wish we all would erre in
friendship so,
And vertue on that error would bestow
A glorious name; for as the Father mild,
If he espies a frailtie in his child,
He does not scorn, nor loath it, nor should we
Th [...] errors of our friends, if any be.
If a Son squinting goggle-eyes should have,
H [...]s Father calls him, Pretty winking Knave;
And he whose Child in stature [...]s no more
Then Sysiphus th' Abortives heretofore,
Calls him his Chick [...]n; if he bend at knee,
He calls him Varus; if he hurl-foot be,
His Father l [...]sping calls him Scaurus: Thus
When a Friend lives something penurious,
Le [...]'s call't good Husbandry, and when we find
One that to jeer or vapour is inclin'd,
Imagine his design is but to be
Very facetious in company:
If he be rough-hew'd, and will talk and rant,
Count him a down-right man and valiant,
And when we meet with any person that
Is hot and surly, call him passionate.
This thing joynes friends together, and when joyn'd,
It still preserves them in a friendly mind.
But we the very vertues of a Friend
Do into Vices basely wrest, and bend
O [...]r mind those vessels to pollute, which are
Clear of themselves; if any person dare
L [...]ve vertuo [...]sly among us; base and low
We count him then, and if a man be slow
Of apprehen [...]on, we are apt to call
and thick-skul'd fellow; he that all
[...], whose Bosome does not lie
Expos'd to any kind of injury,
[Page 201]Though he lives in a treacherous Age, wherein
Malice and Slander, and all kind of sin
Do grow and flourish, ought of right to be
Esteem'd a prudent wary man, but we
Call him a subtle Iugler: If we spy
A [...] open-hearted person (such as I
Oft shew'd my self to you Maec [...]nas) which
W [...]th his perpetual and impertinent Speech
Disturbs men far more serious, when they
Do either read or study hard, we say
This fellow has not common sence, Alas!
How inconsiderately do we pass
Laws on our selves, unequal and severe,
Since no man without Vices ever were,
Or born, or bred, and that man is the best,
Who's troubled with the fewest and the least.
Areal Friend will with my faults compare
My vertues; and if all my vertues are
More then my Vices, he that loves me would
Incline toth'most, as'tis fit he should:
So if to be belov'd he has a mind,
He may by this means the same measure find:
He that desires his Wenns should not offend
His friend, must wink at the Pimples of his friend▪
He that would have his faults forgiven must
Give pardon, if he take it, 'tis but just.
Now since the vice of anger, and the rest
Which do our foolish Nature thus infest,
Cannot be throughly rooted out, why may
Not equal judgement and right reason sway?
And why should not all punishments be fitted
Proportionably to the Crimes committed?
When a man bids his Servant lift a Dish
Off from the Table, and he eat the Fish
[Page 202]That's left, or lick the
sauce up, if that he
Should suffer death, should not his Master be
Esteem'd more mad then frantick Labeo
By all those men, who are themselves not so?
How would the Masters crime the mans transcend
In greatness; nay in madness? If a Friend
Commit a fault, at which thou ought'st to wink,
Or else all men will thee ill-natur'd think,
If thou should'st scorn and hate him for't, and shun
H [...]s company, as the poor Debtors run
From that damn'd Usurer Druso, who when ere
The doleful Day of Payment does appear
To his poor Debtors, if they do not pay
Both principal and interest, how they
Come by't he cares not, he condemns them then
To stand with naked throats, like Captive men,
Not to be kill'd, but (what's far worse then it)
To hear those wretched Playes which he had writ.
Suppose my fudled Friend when he did sup,
Bepist the room or break my Mistress cup:
Or if he being hungry took away
That Chicken which i'th' Dish before me lay,
Must I fall out with him? What then if he
Should commit theft? Or break his trust with me?
Or should deny his promise? those by whom
All sins are equal held, when once they come
T' inquire into the truth they're at a stand;
For common reason, general custome, and
Profit it self, which is the Mother now
Of what is right and just, all disallow
This fond opinion: When in former time
Man-kind, which of all creatures is the prime,
Crept out of 's Mother Earth, they were a kind
Of dumb and nasty Cattle, which inclin'd
[Page 203]To brawl for
Mast, and Dens to lodge in to,
With nails and fists, and next with clubs, and so
In length of time, they fought with spears and swords,
Which need had taught them how to make, till words
And names by them invented were, whereby
They did their sence and voices signifie
Unto each other, then they did begin
To build them Forts to live with safety in.
Then they enacted Lawes, that none might dare
Play either Robber or Adulterer:
For before Helens dayes women have been
The cause of cruel wars. When men rush'd in
On any women which they next came to,
At the first sight, as wild Beasts use to do;
Till like a Bull o'th' herd, a stronger come,
Kill the first Occupant, and takes his room:
But unremembred di'd those nameless men,
Wanting th' Historians and Poets Pen.
We if we do consider former times,
Must grant that Laws were made for fear of crimes
As Nature can't discern; what's right, what's wrong,
Nor separate good from ill, nor from among
Those things we ought to shun, pick out what we
Ought to desire, nor can't by reason be
Made out, that he who on the Hearbs within
His Neighbours Garden treads, do's as much sin
As he that robs a Church, and steals away
What to the Gods there consecrated lay.
Let's have a Rule, by which our pains may be
Proportion'd to our crimes, and not that he
Who has deserv'd a little Rod alone,
Should with a horrid whip be [...] to th' Bone.
That thou'lt with ferule strike I'le ne'r suppose,
Him that deserves to suffer greater blows;
[Page 204]While thou hold'st thefts and robberies to be
Offences onely of the like degree,
And threatnest if thou reign once to chastise
Our petty faults and foul enormities
With equal punishments: if it be so,
That he who is a wise man's wealthy too,
A good Mechanick skill'd in every thing,
The onely gallant, and indeed a King.
What need'st thou wish to be a King, since thou
Art so already? Thou wilt ask me now
If I don't know what old Chrysipus said,
Tho [...]gh a wise man perhaps has never made
His Shooes and Boots, yet still a wise man is
A Shoo-maker; to what end is all this?
Just so Hermogenes, thoughs he's dumb, can
Sing well, and is a good Musitian.
And in this sense, Alfenus when he threw
Away his tools, and shut up shop, and grew
A cunning Lawyer, who had been before
A Cobler, was still Cobler, and no more:
So the wise man's alone in every thing,
The skilfull'st Artist, and so he's a King.
The Roguing Boyes (thou talk'st so like a Sot)
Will pull thee by thy Beard, if thou do'st not
That Scepter in thy hand thy cudgel sway,
And in Majestick-wise drive them away.
The cheated crowd that stand about thee, all
Prepare to kick thee, thou maist bark and brawl
Till thou hast burst thy Royal self, Most high
And mighty King, in brief thou Royally
Giv'st a whole f [...]r [...]hing, for thy Bath at once,
And hast no guard to attend thee but that dunce
Chrispinus; But my pleasant fr [...]ends, if I,
Through folly should transgress, will pass it by
[Page 205]And when they do bewray their frailties, then
I in requital pardon them agen;
And thus I live, though but a private man,
More happy then thy fained Kingship can.
SATYRE IV. By A. B. A Discourse concerning POETRY.
THe old Greek Poets, Aristophanes,
Cratinus, Eupolis, and such as these
Who did write Comedies, wher e're they had
One fit to be describ'd, as very bad,
Such as a Thief, or an Adulterer,
Or Murtherer, or such like men which were
Notorious in their lives, these all should be
With a brave bo [...]dness, and great liberty,
Exprest to th'life, and whatsoever is
Writ by Lucillius does proceed from this,
Those Poets he did imitate, their feet
And numbers onely he did change, and yet
His wit was excellent, his judgement clear,
Onely the Verses which came from him, were
Harsh and unpolisht; for this was his crime,
Two hundred Verses in one hours time
He ordinarily poured out with ease,
As if he did such weighty businesses;
Yet though his Verses like a Deluge flow'd,
Th'had something still above the common road:
[Page 206]He lov'd to
scrible, but could not endure
The pains of writing Verses good and pure;
I ne're regard how much an Author writes,
'Tis not the Volumn, but the sence delights.
I'le tell you; Once Crispinus challeng'd me,
Pointing with's Finger at me, Come (sayes he)
Take Paper, Pen, and Ink, fix place, and time,
Let's both be watcht, try which can swiftest rhime;
I thank my Stars, Nature did me compose
So bashful, and so pusillanimous,
That I speak little, and but seldome too,
But his laborious lungs do alwayes go
Like a Smiths Bellows, puffing breath so fast,
That he his Iron audients tires at last.
What luck that Scribling Rhimer Fannius met?
That our grave Senate undesir'd have set
His silly Book and ugly statue too
In Caesars Library? Whilest I that do
Both blush and tremble when I e'er appear
In publick, no rehearsing wit does care
To read my Lines to th' undiscern [...]ng crue;
But here's the reason for't, there are but few
That love a Satyr well; most are afraid
Their Crimes may be like others, open laid.
Pick any person out of all Mankind,
He is to pride or avarice inclin'd;
This with the lust for's Neighbours wife runs mad,
That's for th' unnatural use of some fair Lad:
This loves to gaze on's money still, and that
Is ravisht with the splendour of his Plate;
This to get wealth by merchandizing goes,
Where the Sun sets, from the place where it rose,
Runs through all dangers head-long, and is tost
From place to place as Whirlwinds blow the dust,
[Page 207]Fearing least he should loose his stock, or not
Increase that vast Estate which he had got.
All these hate Verses, and Verse-makers fly
That Beast the Poet comes 'ware-horns they cry:
To make the People laugh, these Fellows use
Not to regard what friends they do ab [...]se,
And whatsoe're they write they forthwith to
The Politicians of the Conduit shew,
Or at the Bake-house, that Old Women and
The Rouging Boyes their jests may understand.
Much good may't do them, I on t'other side
With the name Poet wo'nt be dignifi'd
Out of their number, whom the world does own
For Poets, I'm excluded, being none:
For to compose a Verse, or write as we
Do naturally speak's not Poetry.
That noble Title Poet those doth fit,
Who have good Stile, high Fancy, and quick wit;
And therefore some have askt whither, what I
Have written be Poem or Comedy,
Because no salt, no flame, nor spirit be,
Or in the words or sence which comes from me;
Which would be very Prose, but onely I
My words to feet and numbers use to tie:
But in a Comedy the Poet brings
A Father raging in 'cause his Son clings
T' a common prostitute, and does refuse
That wealthy match which the old man did chuse,
And being drunk walks in the open day
With a Torch flaming in a scandalous way.
Pomponius Father, if alive, would thus
Rebuke his Son for being leacherous;
'Tis not enough to make Verse smoothly run
With fine cull'd words, but if they are undone,
[Page 208]And made plain Prose, would as unpleasant be
As the sowre Father in the Comedy.
If from the Verses which I use to make,
And those which once Lucillus writ, you take
The feet and measure, and do discompose
The order of those words, and make them Prose;
Placing those words before which stand behind,
And so invert their order, you will find
The quarters of a Poet still appear
In every sentence, scatter'd every where,
Not like this Verse; When as the cruel jars
Of wars had broke our iron posts and bars.
So much for that; We'l take a time to know,
Whither this Poetry be right or no:
Now I would onely ask whither to thee
A Satyr can justly offensive be.
The bawling Lawyers and the formal Iudge,
When they in Gowns and with their Law-tools trudge,
Make Malefactors tremble, while that he
That's innocent contemns their Pogeantry.
Though thou'rt a malefactor, yer since I
Am no Informer, why do'st from me fly?
No Books of mine do prostituted lie
On publick Stalls to tempt th' enquiring Eye
Of Passengers, soyl'd by the greasie Thumbs
Of every prying nasty Cl [...]wn that comes.
I seldome do rehearse, and when I do,
'Tis to my Friends, and with relunctance too:
Not before every one, nor every where;
We have too many that Rehearsers are,
In publick Baths, and open Markets too,
In the Seild chambers, where their voices do
Double by repercussion, they rehear'e
In sipid notions tortur'd into Verse.
True wit and sense, so rhime and feet they find▪
Thou sayest I love to jeer and study it,
To gratifie my own ill-natur'd wit;
Where didst thou pick up this Report? or who
Of my acquaintance e're reputes me so?
That person who back-bites his absent friend,
Or when another does, will not defend
His reputation; he that aims to be
The jester in all foolish company,
Ambitious of the Title of a Wit,
Ablab of 's tongue, who what e're you commit
Unto his trust, discovers and betrayes,
And impudently lies in what he sayes:
This is a dirty fellow, such a one
Every true Roman is concern'd to shun,
I've seen a dozen men together feast,
And one has rudely jeer'd at all the rest,
Except his Friend, which entertain'd them all;
But being drunk at last on him did fall,
When wine (Truth's Mother) had unlockt his Breast,
Reveal'd those thoughts that there did smother'd rest.
Thou who abhorr'st base Fellows, wilt suppose
This beast free, civil, and ingenious.
Whilest if I do discover and deride
Some powdred Coxcombs vanity and pride:
Or else some nasty Sloven, thou dost fall
On me, as envious or Satyrical.
If in thy presence any person does
Report Petillus Sacriligious,
Thou (as thy custome is) wile him defend,
And say Petillus was thy antient Friend;
From Children you were conversant, and he
With Kindnesses was still oblieging thee,
[Page 210]The thought of him does much thy Spirit chear,
That he is well, and thou enjoy'st him here:
But yet thou canst not but admire how he
Himself could from that Iudgement so well free.
Such Friends are like the Scattle-fish, whose skin
Is white without, but all black juice within;
This is the rust of Friendship, and this vice
(If any promise in my power lies)
I freely promise thou shalt never find
In all my writings, no nor in my mind.
If I speak what is jocular and free,
You by the Law are bound to pardon me.
My honour'd Father, now deceas'd, did use
Into my mind these Precepts to infuse;
Observe (quoth he) their end who vice pursue,
And thou by that all Vi [...]es wilt eschew:
When he did press me to good Husbandrie,
And thrifty frugal courses, and to be
Content with that Estate which he had got,
And did intend to leave me; dost thou not
(Said he) observe the wealthy Albius Son
Into what want he is by wildness run?
See what a shabby Fellow's Barrus grown,
Barrus the Ranting'st Gallant of the Town;
A good instruction for young Heirs, that they
Should not their Patrimony fool away!
And when from love of VVhores he would deter me,
He to Sectanus sad Fate would refer me,
That after marri'd Wives I should not stray,
But use my Pleasures in a Lawful way.
(Quoth he) upon thy name 'twil be a Brand
If like Trebonius thou should'st be trappand,
Philosophy will with much reason shew
What thou should'st shun, and what thou should'st pursue▪
[Page 211]If
thou canst well observe
those prudent wayes,
In which our Fathers walkt in former dayes,
And keep thy life and reputation free
From vice or scandal whilest thou'rt under me,
I'm pleas'd: But when thy mind and body too
By age to full maturity shall grow,
I'le turn thee loose into the World. Thus he
Did in my Nonage wisely nurture me:
When he propos'd a duty to be done,
He'ld say, Thou hast a fair example (Son)
For doing this, thou hast before thine eyes
Those which to honour and great power did rise,
And if he'ld have me any vice to flie,
(Sayes he) A man may see with half an eye
This act which now thou art about to do
Is against honesty and profit too.
Since this mans name, and that's who did this thing,
With general scandal through the Nation ring.
And as one Gluttons death doth much affright
Another, and suspends his appetite
For fear of death, so others infamy
Makes tender Spirits from those vices fly.
Thus I liv'd unconcern'd in all those Crimes
Which ruine young-men in these impious times,
Though I perhaps do'nt unpolluted live,
But have small faults, which men may well forgive,
And which my second thoughts and a true Friend,
And wiser age may teach me to amend;
For I'm not wanting to my self when I
Do walk alone, or in my Bed do lie.
Then I think with my selt, this way is best
And if I follow'r, I am truly blest,
And to my Friends am grateful; but when I
Observe a person doing fool [...]shly,
[Page 212]Should I be such an Ass to make the same
Ill course my pattern, which has been his shame?
These are my private thoughts, and when I light
On a spare minute I do Verses write,
And this is one of those small sins which I
Am guilty of, which if thou should'st deny
To pardon, all of my Fraternitie
Would come to help me; for we Poets be
A mighty number, and as once the Iews,
Romans to their Religion did seduce,
So we'l dub thee a Brother of the Muse.
SATYRE V. By A. B. A Iourney from Rome to Brandusium
FRom spatious Rome to Aris once went I,
With Heliodorus in my company,
The best for Rhetorick that the Grecians had;
Our Inn was small, our entertainment bad.
From whence to Apii forum we did ride,
Where Sailors and lewd Victuallers most reside.
We made it two dayes work, which might be done
By those that had a mind in less then one.
The Appian Road we did not tedious think,
We travell'd slowly, and did often drink:
Here, 'cause the water was unwholsome, I
Refus'd to eat a Supper, but sate by
While my Friends did; I long'd to be in Bed,
[...]or night on th' earth her sable wings had spread,
[Page 213]And stuck the Heaven with stars,
but such a noise Rose from the Sailors railing at their Boyes,
And their Boyes back again at them! So ho!
The Boat, the Boat! Plague on you, where d'you go?
(Sayes one) you Rogue, you over-load the Boat,
You lye (sayes t'other with an open throat)
Hold, hold, now 'tis enough: And thus while they
Harnest their Mules, and quarrel for their Pay,
They spent a whole houers time; the stinging fleas
And croaking Frogs deni'd me sleep and ease.
And now the Sailor being got quite drunk,
With nastie Wine begins to sing of 's Punck.
The Mule-man does the like of his: both try
Which should roar loudest for the Victory;
At length the Mule-man being weary grown,
Falls fast asleep; while to a neighbouring stone
The lazie Mariner did tie the Barge
With the Mules traces which was gon at large
To graze; and likewise falls asleep till day,
Then we perceiv'd the Barge was at a stay,
There being no Mule to draw her; thereupon
Out leaps a surly Fellow, and layes on
The Mule-man and the Salior head and side
With a tough Cudgel, which was well appli'd:
Then in four hours we ashore were set,
We washt our hands and faces, and did eat:
Then after Dinner three full miles walkt we,
And came to Anxur, where the houses be
Cover'd with Polisht Stone, my honour'd Friend
Maecenas and Cocceius did intend
To take this Maritine City in the road,
Both being sent Ambassadors abroad
'Bout State Affairs, and using to compose
All differences which 'twixt Friends arose.
With the most true Collyrium ex'lent Wine.
Then straight Maeoenas and three more I see,
Ingenious persons all, and forthwith we
With scorn pass by that petty Village, where
That Scrivener Luscus proudly rul'd as Mayor.
With Mace and Chain, and Fur and Purple-gown,
Strutting and domineering o're the Town,
And came to Formiae soundly tir'd at last,
Where our Friends gave good lodging and repast:
The next day was a blessed day, for we
Came to a Town where wine was good and free:
There Virgil, Varius, and Plotinus met,
Men of such Souls the World can't equal yet,
Nor are there any in the World to me
So much obliging as those persons be.
But oh! what love, and what embracing 'twas?
And what rejoycing old between us pass?
No man in's Wits can any thing commend
Before a real and ingenuous Friend.
Next to a small Maritine village, near
Campania's Bridge we came, the Townsmen there
With Wood and Salt Maecenas did present
As fees, 'cause in an Embassy he went.
From thence to Capua betimes we came,
Virgil and I did sleep, Maecenas game;
That [...]oilsome play at Ball no way complies
With Virgils stomack, nor with my blear eyes.
Hence we came to (occeius house, which is
Seated beyond the Claudian Hosteries,
A stately house, where plentie did abound,
And there we splendid entertainment found.
And now (my Muse) assist me while I tell
That memorable squable which befel
Messius, whose Face with warts was over-grown;
And from what Noble antient Familie
These Combatants deriv'd their pedigree;
The Ossian Nation unto Messius gave
His being, but Sarmentus was a Slave
Of this condition and original.
These two Tongue-combatants began their braul;
Thou Horse-fac'd Raskal (sayes Sarmentus first)
At which we fell a laughing, like to burst.
Messius replies, Well be i [...] so; what then?
(And Ox-like tost his head at him agen.)
Oh? (sayes Sarmentus) what a dangerous Cow,
Had not thy horns been qui [...]e saw'd off, wert thou,
Who art so curst without them? thy old face,
(If possible) is uglier then it was▪—
Since thy great men on one side, now we find
Cut out, it leaves an ugly [...]rand behind
That botchy face of thine [...] [...]s if thou
Hadst a Campama [...] Cl [...]p upon thee now.
Thus he abus'd Messius ace, and bid
Him come and dance as Polyphemus did.
No vizard, nor yet buskins need'st thou wear,
Thy face and limbs can't seem worse then they are.
Messius retorts as much; Thou Dog, (sayes he)
When will thy slaveship end? for though thou be
Now made a Scribe, thy Mrs. right thereby
Is not extinguisht; tell me, Sirrah, why
Didst thou so often run away from her?
Is not a pound of bread sufficient fare
For such a starveling slave as thou to eat?
And with such pastime we got down our meat.
At Beneventum our officious Host
Roasting lean Birds, was like himself to roast.
[Page 216]The pile of
fire fell down, and scatter'd flame
Unto the roof of the old Kitchin came,
The hungry Guests, and Servants worse then those,
Being afraid their supper they should lose,
Began to scramble, and did more conspire
To snatch the victuals, then to quench the fire.
And now th' Apulean Mountains did appear,
Which by [...] so scorched are,
These we had ne'er chaw'd ore, but that there lay
Trivi [...]us to refresh us by the way;
But such a cursed smo [...]k did there arise
From the green Bo [...]ghs they burnt, it scorcht our ey [...] ▪
Here I the [...] of the company
Till Mid-night aid in expectation lie
Of a false Wench, who promis'd to come to me,
But sleep did come, and that more good did do me:
But what I dreamt▪ and what on me befel,
My body and my sheets can onely tell.
Thence four and twentie miles we were convey'd
By Coach, then in a little town we staid,
Whose name won't stand in verse, but yet there are
Plain signs to know it by, they water there
(The meanest of all things) sell, while trav'lers may
With fine bread gratis load themselves away.
Bread at C [...]nusiums gritty, water there
Is as at Equotutium, very rare.
Brave Diomedes of so high renown,
'Twas he, that built in former time, this town.
Here Varius parted from's, and weeping went,
While [...]e his absence did as much lament.
To Rubi thence, we being tir'd, did get,
The journey long, and worse because 'twas wet.
Next day to Fishy Barus we repair,
The way was worse, but yet the Weather fair;
[Page 271]From thence to
Gratia, which did seem to be
Founded in spight of th' Water Nymphs, for we
Found wholesome Water greatly wanting there,
But we had ex'lent sport; for they did dare
Perswade me, that their Incense which they lay
Upon their Altars, would consume away
Without a fire, I'le ne're think 'tis true,
This story fits th' uncircumcised Iew;
For I well know the Gods live free from cares,
And ne're concern themselves in mans affairs,
And when as Nature any thing does do,
Which Mortal men are most accustom'd to,
I don't believe that 'tis the careful Gods
Send down this wonder from their high abodes;
Thence to Brandusium we our travels bend,
And here my paper and our journey end.
SATYRE VI. By Sir R. F. To MAECENAS.
He reprehends the vain judgement of the people of Rome concerning Nobility, measuring the same by antiquity of Pedigree, not by vertue; nor willingly admitting to Magistracy any but such as were adorned with the former▪ That there was no reason to envy him for the friendship of Maecenas, as for a Tribuneship; since that was not given by Fortune, but acquired by the recommendations of vertue. Lastly, shews his condition in a private life to be much better, then (if he were a Magistrate) it could be.
NOt that the Tus [...]ans (who from Lydia came)
Have nothing nobler then Maecenas name;
Nor that thy Mothers, and Sires Grand-sire were
Gen'rals of old, makes thee as most men, sneer
Thy nose up at poor folks, and such as me,
Born of a Father, from a Slave made free.
When thou affirm'st, It skils not of what kind
Any is come; if of a noble mind;
Thou deem'st (and right) that before Tullus reign,
(Who was a King, yet not a Gentleman)
Many a man of no degree, no name,
By great atchievements to great honours came.
Levinus contrary (Valerio's Son,
By whom proud Tarquin was expell'd the Throne)
Him worthless, Ev'n the people (whom you know)
They scorn'd; Those fools that honours oft bestow
On undeservers, doating on gay men,
Dazled with shields and coronets. What then
[Page 219]Shall we do, lifted far above their Sphere?
The People to Levinus did prefer
A new man Decius; yet now, should I
Stand for a place, hoarse Appius would cry,
Withdraw! 'cause I'm no Gentleman: and shall,
When Horace meddles farther then his Naul.
But Honour takes into her golden Coach
Noble and base. Tullus, what hast to touch
The Purple Robe (which Caesar forc't thee quit)
And be a Tribune? Envy thou didst get
Thereby, by whom i'th dark thou'dst neer been spide.
For when the people see a strange face ride
Up to the ears in Ermins, and a list
(Or more) of Gold; strait they demand, Who is't?
What was his Father? Just as when some youth,
Sick of the Fashions (to be thought, forsooth,
Handsome) inflames the fairer Sex, to call
His face in question, hair, teeth, foot, and small.
So when a man upon the Stage shall come,
And say, Give me the Reins that govern Rome,
I'le manage Italy, the State shall be
My care, I, and the Church likewise: Ods me!
It forces every Mortal to enquire
And know who was his Mother, who his Sire?
Shall then the Off-spring of a Minstrel dare
D [...]splace this General, condemn that Peer?
Novius was one hole lower. Being the same
My Father was, you'd think from Brute he came.
But if two hundred Draies obstruct a street,
Or with their Trumpeters, three Funerals meet;
Louder then all he chafes with brazen lungs,
And this is something to awe peoples tongues.
But to my self, the son of the Freed man,
O (Envy cries) The son of the Freed man!
[Page 220] Maecenas, now, Because thy Guest: before,
Because a Roman Tribune's charge I bore.
These two are not alike: I may pretend,
Though not to office, yet to be thy friend,
Thou being chiefly in this case so choice,
Not guided by Ambition, popular voice,
Or by a chance: Virgil his word did pass
For me, then Varus told thee what I was.
When first presented, little said I to thee,
(For Modesty's an infant) did not shew thee
A long-taild Pedigree: I did not say,
I bred Race-horses in Appulia:
Told what I was. As little thou replied'st,
(Thy mode) I go: at nine moneths end, thou bid'st
Me, of thy Friends, be one. Of this I boast,
That I pleas'd thee (who to distinguish know'st)
Not Noble, but of fair and Chrystal thoughts.
Yet, if except some few (not hainous) faults,
My Nature's straight (as you may reprehend,
In a fair face, some moles.) If (to commend
My self) I am not given to avarice;
Not nastie, not debaucht, not sold to vice,
Lov'd by my Friends, obedient to the Laws,
Of all these things my Father was the cause.
Who though but tenant to one small lean Farm,
In Flavio's School would never let me learn.
When great Centurions sent their great Boyes thither,
Their left armes crampt with stones, hung in a leather
Bag, with a counting-board; but boldly parts
With me (a child) to Rome: t'imbibe those arts
A Knight, or Senator, might teach his Boy;
That who had seen my cloaths and my convoy
Of Servants, cleaving through a press, would swear
Some wealthy Grandsire did my charges bear.
[Page 221]Himself (
the carefull'st Tutor) had his eye
Over them all. In short my Modestie,
(Vertues first bloom) so watring from this Well,
He both preserv'd my whiteness and my smell:
Nor fear'd, lest any should in time to come,
Blame him he had not bred me still at home
To his own Trade: or I my self complain;
(The more his praise my debt,) if I have brain,
Of such a Father now shall I repent,
Like some that quarrel with their own descent,
Because their blood from Nobles did not flow,
Reason as well as Nature answers, No:
For if I should unweave the Loom of Fate,
And chuse my self new parents, for my State,
In any Tribe: Contented with mine own,
I would not change to be a Consuls Son.
Mad, in the Vulgars judgement: But in thine
Sober, perchance: because I did decline
An irksome load I am not us'd to bear.
For I must seek more wealth straight, if that were;
And, to beg Voices, many a visit make,
Must at my heels a brace of Servants take;
For fear my honour should be seen alone,
To go into the Countrey, or the Town.
There must be Horses store, and Grooms thereto,
A Litter's to be hir'd too: Whereas now
'Tis lawful for me on a Bob-tail Mule
To travel to Tarontum, if I wull;
My cloak-bag galling her behind, and I
Digging her shoulders. Not, with Obliquie,
Like Tullus, when in Tiber-Road he's seen
Attended with five Boyes, carrying a skin
Of Wine, and a Close-stool: Brave Senator,
More decently then thou, and thousands more,
[Page 222]I could do that. Where e'er I list I go,
Alone, the price of Broath and Barley know;
Croud in at every Sight, walk late in Rome:
Visit the Temple with a prayer: then home
To my Leek-pottage, and Chich-pease, Three boyes
Serve in my Supper; whom to counterpoise
One bowl, two beakers on a broad white slate,
A pitcher with two ears (
Earthen.
Campanian Plate)
Then do I go to sleep: securely do't,
Being next morning to attend no suit
In the great Hall (where Marsya doth look,
As if loud Nemio's face he could not brook)
I lie till Four. Then walk, or read a while;
Or write to please my self; noint me with Oil:
(Not such as Natta paws himself withal,
Robbing the Lamps.) When neer his Vertical
The hotter Sun invites us to a Bath
For our tir'd Limbs, I fly the Dog-stars wrath,
Having din'd onely so much as may stay
My appetite: Loiter at home all da [...].
These are my solaces: this is the life
Of men that shun ambition, run from strife.
Lighter then if I soar'd on Glories wing,
The Nephew, Son, and Grand-son to a King.
SATYRE VII. By A. B. A Braul between two Railing Buffoons.
THe venomous railing of that black mouth'd thing
Who lately was prescrib'd Rupillius King,
Against that mungrel Persian, and how he
Reveng'd himself on King again; these be
The talk of every Barbers shop in town.
This Persian being rich, his wealth did draw
Much business, and that business suits in Law;
And with Rupillius King, among the rest,
He had a very troublesome contest;
He was a surly fellow, proud, and bold,
And able King himself with ease t'out-scold,
Of such a bitter and invective speech,
That he even Billingsgate to rail could teach.
Now as to King, since nothing could compose
The differences which between them rose,
These two Tongue-combatants began their fray,
When Brutus govern'd wealthy Asia;
To th' Hall they come contending eagerly,
Both matcht as equally as Fencers be;
They made an exc'lent Scaene: First in the Court
The Persian pleads his cause, and made good sport,
Our General Brutus to the skies he rais'd,
And his victorious Army highly prais'd;
Call'd him the Sun of Asia, and all
His Captains he propitious Stars did call,
Except that Buffoon King (sayes he) who's far
More mischievous t'you all, than the Dog-star
Is to the Husband-man: thus on he ran,
And by his railing, bore that baffl [...]d man
Quite down before him; like a Winter flood,
Which drives down every thing that e're withstood
Its rapid motion, and by violence
Roots up the trees, and so the Axe presents.
Thus when two Warriers engage in fight,
And both of equal courage, skil, and might,
Honour's their aim, both scorn to yield or r [...]n,
The more their valour, the more mischiefs done.
'Gainst stout Achilles, such a deadly rage
Did animate them both, that nothing could
Satiate their fury but each others blood,
And death of one, meerly 'cause both were stout;
Conquer or die both could, but ne're give out.
But when two Cowards quarrel, or if one
That courage has, contends with one of none;
(As Diomedes once with Glauceus did)
The Coward yields or runs for't, and instead
Of blows, gives bribes, and presents to his Foe,
Onely to save his life, and let him go.
King rallies up his thoughts, and then retorts
Invectives false, and many of all sorts:
Just like a surlie Carman, whose rude tongue
Out-rails all Passengers, be't right or wrong;
He had not wit to jeer, but rudely bauls,
And the smart Persian Rogue and Cuckold calls.
The angry Persian being so much stung
By the reproaches of the Italians tougue,
Cries out, Oh Brutus! by the Gods I pray,
Thou whose profession's to take Kings, away,
Murther this one King for me, thou'lt gain more
By this, then all the Kings th'hast kill'd before.
SATYRE VIII. By A. B. A Discovery of Witchcraft.
OF an Old Fig-tree once the trunk was I,
And as useless piece of wood laid by,
[...] Carpenter who found
Me lying so neglected on the ground,
[Page 225]Took me in hand to form me with his
tool, But whether he should make of me a stool,
Or a Priapus, was a thing that [...]id
Long time perplex this politick work-mans head;
Till after long deliberation, he
For weighty reasons made a God of me.
Hence does my Deity proceed, and I
Here stand the thieves and birds to terrifie;
The thieves I fright away with my right hand,
And my long pole which does erected stand;
My Crown of Reeds does drive the birds away,
That they dare not in our new Gardens prey.
The ground where I now stand was heretofore
A common Burying-place for all the poor,
Whose carcases in mean small graves were laid,
And this the publick Sepulcher was made
For th' meanest sort of people, those men which
Were much the poorer 'cause they had been rich.
The bodies of such spend-thrifts here were casts
As fool'd their means away, and lack'd at last.
A thousand foot in length, three hundred wide,
Which from the rest a Land-mark did divide,
Whose plain inscription did describe to th' Heirs,
Which ground was Sacred, & which ground was theirs.
Now men i'th' healthy Church-yard live, and where
Dead bodies stunk, the living take fresh a [...]r,
And on that green hill now we walk, which once
Was all deform'd and cover'd ore with bones.
But yet the thieves and birds which hither come,
And haunt this place, are not so troublesome
To me, as those who charmes and poysons use,
With which they do poor Mortal minds abuse,
These I can neither hinder nor destroy,
But in the silent nights, by Moon-shine they
[Page 226]Into these Gardens steal, and pick up there
Dead humane bones and hearbs that poysonous are.
Here that old Hag Canidia I spi'd
In a black garment close about her ti'd,
Bare-foot she walkt, her locks dishevell'd were,
And that Witch-major Sagana with her:
Howling like Wolves, of pale and ugly hew,
They both appear'd most ghastly to my view,
With their long nails to scratch the earth they went,
And with their teeth a Lamb in sunder rent,
Whose blood they pour'd into their new dig'd pit,
And conjur'd up th' infernal Fiends with it,
Such Spirits as could answer to what ere
They did demand; two Images there were
Brought by these Hags, by which they did their knack
One made of wool, the other made of wax:
The Woollen was the greater, that it might
The little Waxen Image curb and fright.
This Wax Effigies stood cringing by,
As sinking under its servility,
One Hecate invokes; Tisyphone
Is charmed by t'other: Serpents one might see,
And the infernal Dogs run out and in.
The bashful Moon for fear she should have been
A witness to these juglings hid her face,
And made our Sepulchers her lurking place.
If I lie t'you in any thing I've said,
May the crowes with their dung pollute my head!
May all the rogues and whores, and thieves in town,
Cast their base Excrements upon my crown.
What need I all those tricks to mention, which
Were done by Sagana that damn'd old Witch?
And by what Artifice the Ghosts and she
Discours'd together with variety
[Page 227]Of tones, now shrill, now flat, and how they did
Hide under ground by stealth the hairy head
Of an old wolf, with teeth of speckled snake,
Then with the Waxen image they did make
The fire to blaze: But that I might not be
A tame spectator of this foolery,
And those impostures unreveng'd behold,
Of both those Hags so ugly and so old;
I from my Godships entrails backward spoke,
As thundring as a bladder when'tis broke;
Away run both the witches into town,
Out dropt Canidia's set of teeth, and down
Old Sagana her snakes and poysons threw,
And all her conjuring tools, off likewise threw
Her Periwig, 'twould make one break his heart
With laughter, to observe how one [...]ound fart
Broke from a God, two Witches frights away,
And made them run from one more weak then they.
SATYRE IX. A description of an impertinent prating Fool.
OF late along the streets I musing walkt,
And to my self some learned whimsie talkt,
When loe a wandring Trifler to me ca [...]e,
Whom scarce I knew, save onely by his name;
And with familiar freedom took my hand,
Asking me, How I did? At your command
(Said I) God keep you Sir. He following still,
I turn'd about, and stopt to know his will.
[Page 228]VVhat? don't you know me, man? (
said he) I too
A Virtuo so am as well as you.
The more I honour you, Sir, (I repli'd)
And still all wayes to shake him off I tri'd,
In thousand different postures I did go,
Sometimes I walkt apace, and sometimes slow;
Sometimes I whisper'd in my Foot-boys ear,
And all the while did sweat all o're for fear.
Oh happy he! (to mutter I began)
Who hugs himself at an impertinent man!
Oh happy! who as well himself can feast
On the most foolish talker as the best!
In the mean time his tongue did gallop on,
Letting no street, nor sign, nor house alone:
At last, perceiving I did nothing mind,
(He said) you'd fain be rid of me, I find;
But you, nor I have now not much to do,
I'le therefore wait upon you where you go:
VVhere lies your way? O Lord, pray Sir do not
Your self for me to so much trouble put;
My journey lies almost as far's the Tower,
To visit one you never saw before.
That's nothing sir, I'm perfectly at leisure,
And a long walk with you I count a pleasure:
With that I shru [...]k my shoulder [...], hung my ears,
As a dull Ass that too great lading bears.
Then he begins: If once you knew me sir,
You'ld scarce to me would any wit prefer,
Who is there that can better verses write?
Or who with greater swiftness can indite?
Who of your friends can more gentely dance?
Or who can better teach the mode of France?
If you but hear me sing, you will confess,
I do exces the fam'd Hermogenes.
No mother Sir, nor other kindred, who
May want your company this present hour?
O no; pale Death did them long since devour.
The happier they; Nay then, in faith, go on,
Kill me out right, my friend, since th'hast begun;
My last hour's come, and now I plainly see
Thou wert intended by that Prophecie
Which my Nurse spake, when I an Infant was,
Clapping my feet and smiling in my face,
She said; This Boy no poison, nor no steel,
No pain of Cough, or Spleen, or Gout, shall feel,
But by some fatal tongue shall be destroy'd,
Talkers let him, when come to age, avoid.
Over against Guild-hall at length we came,
He pelting me, I miserably lame.
Gods so! 'Tis well remembred, hold, I pray,
I have a Cause here to be tri'd to day;
Good Sir come with me in, I'le straight dispatch.
In hast, like dying men, this bough I catcht.
In troth Sir I have no great skill i'th Law,
My nod will keep no Iudge or Iury in awe,
I'le softly walk before, and if you make
Good speed, you quickly me may overtak [...].
Here the perplext stood still, and scratcht his head,
What? shall I lose so dear a friend? (he said)
Or by my absence loose my Cause? Nay Sir,
I pray regard your business, do not stir.
Let my Cause sink (or swim) I'le leave it here,
So I may self to such a friend endear.
So on he leads, and I found 'twas in vain
To spoil my teeth by champing of the chain;
Straight he resumes his first Discourse; And how?
How with my Lord stands your condition now?
[Page 230] My Lord's a prudent man, and private lives,
Never himself to much acquaintance gives;
You'l raise a mighty Fortune under him,
But yet me thinks it would great wisdom seem,
If you would take some course those to prefer
About him, who might still possess his ear
To your advantage, and if I were one,
You might be sure govern him alone.
You're quite mistaken Sir, we live not so
As you suppose, nor yet as others do;
No small Intrigues that family does breed,
No plots, nor little jealousies does feed:
None there does look with envious eyes upon
Anothers good, but loves it as his own;
Strange and unusual this which you relate,
But so it is, the more I'm passionate
To make one of your number. That you may
Without dispute, if you'l but try the way;
A man so qualified as you appear,
Can't be deny'd admission any where.
Well, to my self I will not wanting [...]e,
I'le watch his hours, his servants I will fee;
I will salute his Chariot in the street,
I'le bring him home as often as we meet:
We Courtiers strive for interest in vain,
Vnless by long observance it we gain.
While he did thus run on, who should we meet
But my friend C—passing cross the street,
C—straight found what kind of man he was,
Nor to see through him, needed he his Glass:
So when the usual complements were past,
I trod on's Toes, and softly him imbrac't;
I winkt, and shruug'd, and many signes I gave,
Which silently did his assistance crave:
Seem'd not to understand what I intend,
Enjoy'd my misery, and smil'd to see
What small thin Plots I made to be set free.
Dear friend! d'you remember who last night
Did us to dine with him to day invite?
I well rember it, but yet in troth
I have no mind to go, for I am loth
To break a fasting day, as we shall there,
That's nought I have a dispensation here.
I've none (sayes he) I'm going another way,
I'le keep my conscience, and the Church obey.
This said my witty Friend with cruel spight,
Leaves me even when the Butchers going to smite.
Under what cursed Planet was I born?
By my companion to be left forlorn!
Condemn'd to suffer this incessant breath,
And by perpetual chattring talk'd to death.
But now at last by great good hap there was
A Bailiff seas'd on him as he did pass;
O have I caughr you Sir, you must with me,
Pray Sir, will you against him witness be?
Along they go, I for revenge too joyn'd,
But in the Hall we so great tumult find,
Such heaps of Women follow'd us, and Boyes,
That I with ease escapt amidst the noise.
Sure great was my distress, when even a throng
Of Lawyers was relief against his tongue.
SATYRE X. By A. B. Another Discourse of POETRY.
I Said indeed the Verse Lucilius writ
Were rough, 'tis true; and who's so void of wit,
T [...]ough ne're so much his Patron or his Friend,
That him against this censure can defend?
But in that very Page I said withal,
That with great Wit he does the City maul,
And did commend him for it much. But yet
Though I allow him that, I don't admit
Lucilius was so thorough-pac'd a Wit,
As to be good at every thing, for so
That fool Laberius Dogrel Rhimes might go
For exc'lent Poems, and be much admir'd.
Though't be a vertue, and to be desir'd
To make an Audience laugh well, yet there be
More things requir'd to make a Poet; he
Must be caucise, his Verse must smoothly flow,
And not be clogg'd with needless words that grow
A burden to the Reader, who is tir'd
With reading that which he at first desir'd.
Sometimes 'tis good to use a doleful strain,
But most of all the brisk and aiery vain
Now play the Rhetorician, and then
To the Poetical raptures fly again.
Sometimes write like a Gentleman, whose part
Is to write easily without much art,
A Drolling merry stile does better hit
Great matters, then a down-right railing Wit;
Are imitable, and to be renown'd,
But those our spruce Gallants about the Town,
(Because they understand them not) cry down.
To sing what Calvus and Catullus writ,
Is th' heighth of all their learning and their wit.
He that, say they, in's Latine Verses can
Mix ends of Greek, that that's the onely man.
You aged Block-heads! who so doat upon
That Rhodian Dunce, Poet Pytholeon,
And think that Pie-bald way in which he went
To be both difficult and excellent.
But oh! an elegant discourse (you'l say)
Made up of Greek and Latine words looks gay;
'Tis just like Chian Wine when mixt among
The Wine that to Falernum does belong.
When thou wouldest Verses make, imagine thou
Wert for thy life to plead thy own cause now,
As did that criminal Petillus once,
Would'st thou thy Native language quite renounce,
While the Kings Council in their Mother tongue
Tug for thy Condemnation, right or wrong?
To [...]nterlace thy speech, would'st thou incline
With forein words, and like the Canusine,
Speak a compounded Gibrish? But when I
(Who am an In-land Poel went to try
To make Greek Verses, after mid-night, when
Those things are real which are dreamt by men,
Romulus straight appear'd to me, and told me,
All men would for as great a mad-man hold me,
If I attempt t'encrease that tedious store
Of the Greek Poets, too too large before,
As if I should Coals to New-castle send;
This to my Graecian versing put an end;
[Page 234]While swelling
Alpin with his thundring Pen,
Murders poor slaughter'd Memnon o're again,
And by his barbarous Poetry destroyes
Those things and persons which he goes to praise.
I sport my self with writing Lines, which ne're
Are spoken in Apollo's Temple, where
That pedant Tarpa does presume to sit,
And with much boldness judge of little wit,
Nor are they oft obtruded on the Stage,
To cloy the Stomack of the queazie age,
As now our modern Fundanus does,
Who is in scribling Playes facetious,
And with a subtle whore, a cunning knave,
Cheating old men, we the same fancy have
In all his Playes. And Tragick Pollio sings
In his three-footed Verse the deeds of Kings:
But our ingenuous Varius does produce
Better then any the Heroick Muse,
And the smooth Rural Muses do insp [...]re
Virgil with soft and most facetious fire.
Hence 'tis that I write better Satyrs then
That blundring Varro, and that sort of men
Who have so often tri'd to write, in vain,
Yet I fall short of our Lucilius strain,
Who first invented them; nor will I dare
To strip him from the Crown which did adhere
T'his brows with so much glory; though I said
His Verses did run muddily, yet they had
More in them that deserv'd our great respect,
Then all those Vices which we should reject.
But, prithee tell me? Did thy learned eye
Nothing to be reprov'd in Homer spie?
Did not Lucilius himself think fit
To alter something of weak Accius wit?
[Page 235]Did he not laugh at
Ennius lines, as though
Some things in them were not quite grave enough?
And when of thee he a discourse did move,
Thought thee as bad as those he did reprove?
And what should hinder, but when ever we
Do read Lucilius works, we well may see
If't were the imperfection of his wit,
Or crabbed Nature of the things he writ,
Would not permit the Lines he made to be
Elaborate, or run more evenly?
Or if that any Poet took delight
A Poem in Hexameter to write,
Contended onely that he had made up
Two hundred Verses when he went to sup,
And after Supper just as many more,
Whose rhimes did run as Cassius heretofore,
More swift and raging then a Torrent does,
Which being condemn'd to fire, as story goes,
Was burnt to ashes with the Books he writ,
(The just reward of a voluminous wit)
If he were now alive, and all that e're
He found superfluous, away should pare,
He'ld scratch his head were he a Verse to write,
And often to the quick his nails would bite.
He that wou [...]d write what should twice reading stand,
Must often be upon the mending hand,
Ne're mind the praise of the undiscerning Crew,
Content with learned Readers, though but few.
Art thou so mad thy Poems to expose
To Ballad-singers, and to Puppet-shows?
Now I (I vow) I'm like the bold wench, that
By all the people being baited at,
Since I (quoth she) am Minion to a Knight,
I all the inferiour rabble scorn and slight:
Disturb may thoughts? or when Demetrius does
Behind my back traduce me, or that Ass
Fannius (who once Tigellius Crony was)
Abuses me, his envious rage to vent,
Shall I shall foolishly my self torment?
No; let Maecenas, and such men of wit
As Virgil, will but read what I have writ,
With many friends and learned persons more,
Whose names I do industriously pass ore,
Whom I desire to smile on what I write
How ill soe'er; But if they should delight
Less then my expectation, I should be
Exceeding sorrowful: But as for thee
Demetrius, thee Tigellius that be
But Finding Rogues, go fret your selves and pine
'Mongst your She-schollars at these lines of mine;
Sirrah, make all the haste you can, aud look
That all I've said be added to my Book.
The end of the First Book of Satyrs.
SATYRES. BOOK II.
SATYRE I. By Sir. R. F.
He dilates upon the advice given him by Trebatius to write the actions of Augustus, rather then Satyrs (as things that are dangerous to meddle with) and shews way he cannot obey him.
SOme think I am to sharp a Satyrist,
And that I stretch my work beyond the list.
Others, what ere I write is neeless say,
And that like mine a thousand Lines a day
May be spun. What would'st thou advise me now
(Trebatius) in this case? Sit still. As how?
[Page 239]Not to write Verse at all, dost thou aver
As thy Sense? I doe. Let me never stir,
If 'twere not better. But I cannot sleep.
For that, swim Tyber (nointed) thrice: or steep
Thy brains at night in Wine. If thou must needs
Write, dare to write unconquer'd Caesars deeds,
Great Rewards following. Father, that being it
I'de fain be at, my will exceeds my wit.
Not every Pen can paint in horrid Field.
Thick Groves of Pikes, Spears broke in French-men kill'd,
And a hurt Parthian dropping from his Horse.
His justice though thou maist, and his mindes force:
As wise Lucilius those of Scipio,
I'le not be wanting to my self, if so
Occasion serve. The passage must be clear
When Horace words pierce Caesars serious ear:
Whom, stroaking, if we think t'approach: 'ware heels.
Is not that better then in Verse that reels,
To jeer this Gull, that Prodigal, when each
Man thinks he's meant (tho quite from thy thoughts reach)
And hates thee for't? what should I do? being hot
Ith' head, and seeing double through the Pot,
Milonius frisks. Castor on Horse-back fights:
The twin of the same Egg in Clubs delights.
As many thousand minds as men there be,
I Like Lucilius (better then both we)
My words in Meeter love t' enclose and bind.
His way was, in his Books to speak his mind
As freely, as his secrets he would tell
To a tride friend: and took it ill, or well,
He held his Custome. Hence it came to pass,
The old mans life is there as in a Glass.
His steps I follow, whom you neither can
Of Luca call, nor an Appulian.
[Page 238](For the
Venusian both their borders ploughs,
A Colony of Rome, as old Fame shews,
The Sabells thence expell'd to stop that Gate,
And be an Out-work to the Roman State.)
Yet I'de not harm a Chicken with my will:
For shew and countenance bearing my Quill
Like a Sword sheath'd; which why should I draw, not
Set on by Rogues? with Rust there may it rot
O Iove, Father and King: and none bereave
The peace I seek. But if there do, believe
Me they will rew't, when with my keen Stile stung,
Through the whole town they shall in pomp be sung.
Servius, the penal Statutes (anger'd) threats
Canidia to Witch them, 'gainst whom she sets:
A mischief Turius, to all those wage Law
Where he's a Judge. That every one doth awe
Them whom he fears, with that where his strength is,
And that by Natures Law appears in this:
Wolves smite with teeth, Buls with the horn (this must
Be taught them from within.) With Scaeva trust
His long-liv'd Mother; my head to a groat,
His pious hand shall never cut her throat.
Not his? No more then an Oxe bite, a Bear
Kick thee: but she shall die of poison. There
Now lies his skill. Me, whether (in effect)
The quiet Harbour of old age exspect,
Or Death with sable wings hover about:
Rich, Poor, at Rome, or by hard Fate thrust out
Into exile; in whatsoever way
Of life, I must write Verses: that's my play▪
O Childe! thy taper's near the end I doubt,
And that some great Mans brave will puff thee out.
Why? When Lucilius durst begin this way
Of writing Verses, and the skins did flay.
[Page 240]In which the outward-fair disguis'd their shame;
Were Laelius and he that won a name
From Carthage-raz'd, offended with his wit?
Or did they winch, Metallus being hit?
And Lupus stript and whipt in Verse? yet he
Spouted his Ink on men of each degree:
None spar'd but Vertue and her friends. Nay when
Retir'd were from the Stage, and croud of men,
Scipio's exalted vertue, and the mild
Wisdom of Laelius: Till the Broth was boild,
They both would play and toil with him, ungirt.
Though I in wit, and in condition, short
Am of Lucilius: Envy shall confess
Against her will, I've liv'd nevertheless
Amongst great men: and (thinking to have stuff
Here, for her rotten teeth) find I am tough,
If learn'd Trebatius take me at my rate,
Nay truly I can find nothing to bate;
Onely I warn thee, least through ignorance
Of setled Laws thou come to some mischance:
If any write base Verses against other,
It bears a suit. If base, I grant: but Father,
If any write good verse, that man's prais'd,
Caesar the Judge. If I the street have rais'd
By ba [...]ing at a Thief, my self being none,
The [...] with laughter cracks, I (freed) go home.
SATYRE II. By A. B. The benefits of Temperance and Frugality.
HOw great a vertue 'tis, and how it tends
To the good of humane life (my worthy friends)
To live abstemiously, is not to be
Learn'd at great Feasts made up of luxury,
Amongst your polish'd Tables spread in State,
Loaden with Dishes of stupendious Plate,
Whose various splend our does amaze the Eye,
And make the puzled appetite pass by
What's good, and choose the worse: but when you be
Fasting, then come sift out this truth with me.
This is not my Sense onely, but Offellus
That Country wit, this truth did long since tell us,
A prudent man, yet walkt not by a rule,
Nor learn'd the formal Precepts of the School.
You'l ask, why fasting? give me leave I'le tell you▪
You can no more with a full gorged belly
Know vice from vertue, then a Judge that is
Corrupt, discern 'twixt truth and falsities.
Suppose you had hunted hard, or us'd your force
To ride and mannage a high-metled Horse:
Or you whose life before luxurious was,
Should'st on a Roman Souldiers duty pass,
Or should'st at Tennis play with might and main,
Whilest the delight makes you ne're mind the pain;
Or had you been at Quoiting, and had thrown
Into the yielding Air a pondrous stone,
Till your much exercise had driven away
That sustenance which on your stomachs lay,
Then I'ld fain fee you let course food alone;
Or drink no Wine, unless you can procure
Racy, Canary, or what Claret's pure,
Or if the Butler's absent, or the Main
By storms protects her Fish from being slain,
A crust of bread dipt into salt well may
The barking of your empty stomachs stay.
You'l ask me how this vertue may be got?
True pleasure in the daintiest Dish does not
Consist, but in our selves, and any meat
Is to us Venson, if obtain'd by Sweat:
But no delicious Banquets can invite,
Or gratifie the gorged appetite.
I doubt I shan't perswade you, but that men
Will feed upon dry Peacocks, rather then
The Fat, but common Fowl: Mens palats be
Corrupted with the very vanity
Of things, and still desire to taste that food
That's very dear, and think it therefore good.
Peacocks with us the best esteem obtain,
Not for their Flesh, but for their gaudy Train,
As if it would mens Palats gratifie,
To eat those Feathers they extol so high:
Or that the glorious shew would not be spoil'd,
When you shall see a Peacock stript and boil'd.
Although the flesh of Hens and Peacocks do
In nothing differ, it appears that you
Are fool'd with various colours: Be so still
You'l wonder how I have attain'd this skill.
When you've a Pike presented in a Dish,
You ask impertinently, if that Fish
I [...] the main sea, or in fresh waters caught?
And madly praise Mullets of three pound weight,
Most men meerly with shews delighted be:
Pray, for what reason do most men dislike,
(Though they love Mullets large) a well grown Pike?
Their curiosity's the reason for't,
'Cause Nature made Pikes long, and Mullets short.
When a mans stomach is once hungry grown,
He slights no food, the coursest Bit will down;
But the luxurious Glutton sayes, I wish
A pondrous Mullet wallowing in my dish;
Such fellows do onely deserve to eat
With revenous Harpyes. I could wish their meat
Would with moist weather stink, and loathsome grow,
But their fresh Fish and Venson will do so;
And to their glutted Stomach nauseous be,
By their too fulsome superfluity,
When the cram'd Glutton over-charg'd with meat,
To get new stomach does sharp Salads eat.
Yet sometimes homely Diet does appear
At mighty Princes Tables; for Eggs there
(Which are so common) sometimes may be seen,
And the black Olives on their Boards have been.
Though with the Crier Gallo 'twas not thus,
Who was for Luxury so infamous,
Because he Sturgeon first did bring to's Board,
What cann't the Sea Mullets enough afford?
The Turbet in the Sea did safely rest,
And Storks lay unmolested in their nest,
Till your luxurious May'r (that would have been)
Ingeniously brought their destruction in:
And now if any other person shou'd
Cry up the roasted Cormorant, rare food!
Our Roman youth, who've onely vitious wit,
Would praise and imitate both him and it.
[Page 244]Yet (as
Offellus held) there's difference great
Betwixt the sordid and the frugal meat,
And men in vain do luxury eschew,
If they do Sordidness the while pursue.
So Avidienus, whom we do justly brand
With name of Dog, would eat wilde Cornels, and
Kept [...]ll 'twas sowre all the Wine he drunk,
And all his Oyl intollerably stunck,
Which from his nasty horn, he, drop by drop,
Distill'd upon the Colwort Sallet top
With his own hand, but he would never spare
To dowse it o're with his dead Vinegar,
Though on his Birth-day, or his Wedding-day,
Or other feast, clad in his best array.
What Diet then should a wise man beat?
And which of these two should he imitate?
Keep the mid-road, and both extreams beware,
Here lurks a Dog, and a feirce Wolf lies there.
So cleanly he should be as not t' offend
By's nastiness the stomach of his friend;
Not be extream in either hand in's treat,
Nor by too much, nor by too little meat;
Not like Albucius of old, who when
He entertain'd his friend would beat his men▪
Nor negligent as Naevius, who at Feasts
With greasie water would present his guests.
This is a great vice also. Now, pray mind,
What good in frugal Diet you may find.
First you'l be very healthy; for you know
Much harm to us from various meats does flow:
Think on that onely Dish which was your fare,
How blith and healthy after it you were!
B [...]t when men fell to mingling roast and boild,
And fish and fowl together, health was spoild!
[Page 245]The sweet meats turn'd to
Choller, and tough
phlegm Bred a disturbance in the maws of them:
Observe how pale and sick a man does rise
From board, confounded with varieties;
Nay when the bodies over-charg'd, the mind
Is also in the discomposure joind,
And on the ground inhumanely does roul,
That part of Heavenly breath, the precious soul!
While he that does a slender Diet keep,
Can on the sudden lay his limbs to sleep,
And in the morning rise so fresh to do
Whatever business he's inclin'd unto.
And yet this temperate person sometimes may
Increase his Table on some Holy-day,
Or when he means his body to caress,
Which is brought low by his abstemiousness;
For years will steal on men, old age must be,
Because 'tis feeble, handled tenderly.
But if decrepid age on some men seise,
Or if they fall into some sharp disease,
What tender usage can be added more,
Then they being young and lusty had before?
Our Ancestors stale Venson us'd to praise,
Nor that they could not smell it in those dayes,
But 'twas with this intent, that if a Guest
Came some dayes after th' ending of the Feast,
'Twere better he should on cold Venson fall,
Then for the Master to devour it all.
I would to God I had been brought forth then,
In that first age among those worthy men.
D'you value reputation, which to th' ear
Is gratefuller then verse or Musick are;
Great Turbets, and such costly Dishes do
Begat you damage and discredit too;
[Page 246]Besides your parents and your friends you must
Enrage, and prove to our own selves unjust;
And then in vain you will desire to die,
Not being worth a Groat a Rope to buy.
You'l say, such a poor Sneak as Thrasius,
Justly deserves to be rewarded thus:
But you've a great Estate, wealth without end,
As much as will suffice three Kings to spend.
What then? Can there no better way be fou [...]d
To spend that Wealth, with which you so abound?
Why should so many brave men want? and why
Should the Gods antient Temples ruin'd lie (thon
While you are rich? Vile wretch! Why wilt notthou
Out of thy needless store something allow
For thy dear Countries good? canst thou suppose
Thy fate alone will still be prosperous;
Oh, how thine enemies will laugh at thee,
When thou'rt reduc'd to want and beggary!
Which of the two can certainest rely
On his own temper in adversity?
That man whose pamper'd body and his mind,
Have ever been to luxury inclin'd,
Or that's content with little, and doth fear
What may fall out, and wisely does prepare
In time of peace things requisite for war.
Now that you may believe this to be true,
When I was young I this Offellus knew,
A man of great Estate, yet spent no more
Then afterwards, when robb'd of all his store.
A man might see him with his cattle, and
His children tilling his allotted land,
And patiently bearing that he is
Farmer of that estate which once was his.
But Caul and Bacon on a working-day;
But if an ancient friend with me had been,
Whom a long time before I had not seen,
Or a good neighbour came to visit me,
When rainy weather me from work set free,
I made him welcome, not with costly Fish,
A Pullet, or a Lamb serv'd for his dish;
Dri'd Grapes and Nuts his second Course were made,
And double Figs were on the Table laid;
Then after Dinner' twas our recreation
To pass the Grace-cup round on Reputation.
A health to Ceres that our Corn might grow,
And smooth'd with wine the wrinckles of our brow,
Let Fortune rage, and raise commotions new,
Can she make me live meaner (Boyes) or you?
For Nature nere appointed him or me,
Or any else, proprietors to be
Of our own lands, though now the time is his
To turn me out, yet his unthriftiness
Or ignorance of tricks in law, or else
Who e're survives him, him at last expells,
This Farm which now by Umbrenas name is known
Was mine, but none can say, It is his own;
'Tis thine, and mine, and his, live bravely then,
And in all troubles quit your selves like men.
SATYRE III. By A. B. That every man is in something or other mad.
DAMASIPPUS and HORACE.
Dam.
THou writ'st so seldome, that there does appear,
Scarce a new Poem from thee twice a year,
But vainly spend'st thy time in looking o're
Those things which thou hast written heretofore:
I'm vext at thee, that thou do'st thus resign
Thy self up to the sway of sleep and wine;
The Muses negligently laid aside,
And we of what we so desire deni'd.
Hor.
What would you have me do?
Dam.
Here thou hast been
Retir'd ever since Christmas did begin,
Now thou'rt at leisure, let's have something from thee
That may appease our longing, and become thee:
Come, strike up man,—one Verse.
Hor.
No,'twill not do.
Dam.
Thou blam'st thy harmless pen, nay the wall to
Endures thy causeless rage for native guilt,
'Cause 'twas in spight of Gods or Muses built.
Thou did'st pretend, that if thou once could'st be
Out of this Town from noise and business free,
And to some little Country Vill retire,
In a mean Cottage by a little [...]ire,
How many admirable lines should we,
As the effects of thy retirement see?
[Page 249]Else to what end did'st thou
incumber thus
Thy self with Eupolis, Archilocus,
Menander, Plato, and such Books as those,
If thou'lt not write at all? do'st thou suppose
That by declining vertue thou shalt be
Protected from the jaws of Calumny?
Thou wilt be laught at for an Ass; come, loath
Those lewd inchantments of that Syren sloath;
Else all that honour which about thee shin'd,
Got by thy exc'lent parts must be resign'd.
Hor.
'Pox on your too true council. Now (I pray)
The Gods to send a man to shave away
That formal beard of thine; but prithee how
Cam'st thou me and my humour thus to know?
Dam.
Since my Estates consum'd I go no more
To the Exchange, as I did heretofore,
But having now no business of my own,
To other men I am a Broker grown;
In former time, I gave my mind to know
Whether a statue were well made or no;
What was well carv'd or painted, and what ill,
And how to fell or buy them I had skill.
If a rare picture any where I found,
I would not care to give a thousand pound,
Gardens and stately houses I could buy
And sell to great advantage, so that I
When I was seen through the City ride,
Here comes the Purchaser, the people cri'd.
Hor.
I know it, and I can't but wonder how
Thou com'st thus cur'd of that distemper now.
Dam.
I'le tell you what seems strange, and yet 'tis true,
My old disease was driv'n out by my new,
As in some bodies there is wont to be
The Head-ache cured by a Plurisie,
Grows frantick, and beats him by whom he's cur'd.
Hor.
Be thou as frantick as thou wilt, so as
Thou wilt not serve me as the Doctor was.
Dam.
Good friend don't cheat thy self, ev'n thou art mad,
And all the world are very near as bad.
If what Stertinius the Stoick saith
'Mong prudent men, does merit any Faith,
That grave Philosopher at first taught me
These admirable precepts, and 'twas he
My Spirits in my great affliction chear'd,
And will'd me wear this Philosophick beard;
And from Fabritius Bridge return agen
With spirit undisturb'd and calme, for when
All my Estate was gon, I thither went
My Cap pluckt o're my eyes, with an intent
To drown my self, I fortunately spi'd
That learned Stoick standing by my side.
What do'st thou mean (qd. he) young man? take heed
That thou do not an unbecoming deed,
Thou'rt driven to this by shame that's very bad,
Fearing 'mong mad men to be counted mad:
Consider first what madness is, and then
If it be in thee, and in no other men,
Go bravely hang or drown thy self for me,
I'le never speak a word to hinder thee.
He who to vitious folly is inclin'd,
And is by ignorance of truth led blind,
Is by the Stoick counted out of's wits,
This definition all degrees befits:
All persons, nay great Princes, every one
It comprehends, but the wise man alone;
Nay give me leave, and I'le demonstrate how
He who calls thee fool's as much fool as thou.
[Page 251]Like
Trav'lers passing through a Wood, when they
Range up and down missing their ready way,
This to the right' that to the left hand strayes,
One error fools them both, though several wayes.
And tho thou think'st thou'rt mad, yet even he
Is not a jot less mad that laughs at thee,
Both to Fool-coats have like propriety.
There is one sort of fools that start and quake
At the Chymaeras which their fancies make,
Cries out rocks, fire, and water him detain,
When he is onely walking on the plain:
Another which is full as mad as he,
Though in his humor he goes contrary,
Runs through all fire and water ventures life,
Though Father, Mother, Brother, Sister, Wife,
Or (which is more) his Mrs. should stand by,
And warn him of the danger he is nigh,
Crying aloud, Take heed; he'ld care no more
Then Fusius the Actor heretofore
When he the part of Hecuba did play,
And should present her sleeping, down he lay
Drunk and asleep; Catien the Player who
The part of Polidore did also do,
Though he cri'd, Mother 'tis I call you, wake,
A thousand Catieni could not make
Her stir: I think that all the Vulgar be
In several humours as stark mad as he.
To buy old Statues you suppose I'm mad,
But was not he that trusted me as bad?
Hor.
May'st thou now borrow money of me, and ne're
Pay me a farthing on't agen, if e're
I say thou'rt mad. Can it with madness stand
When thou art still on the receiving hand?
Who slights a ready-money Customer,
And deals with thee on Credit? for suppose
A Debtor should acknowledge that he owes
A Thousand pounds to's Creditor, and shou'd
Give it him under's hand, this is not good;
Nay, if he seal a Bill or Bond for't, or
What e're bindes Debtor to his Creditor,
Recognizances, Statutes, Mortgages,
Iudgements, and Executions, all these
A cunning Knave that knows the Querks of Law
Will no more value, then he does a straw:
When you arrest him he will laugh at all
Those troubles which on other men befal,
And thorough all the Cobweb-laws escapes,
Varying his tricks as Proteus did his shapes.
If by the conduct of affairs we can
Judge of a mad or of a prudent man,
Thy Creditor's a Coxcomb, who takes pain
To write in's Books what's ne're crost out again.
Come, sayes Stertinius, hearken; nay, come near,
And mind what I shall tell you, whosoe're
Is by a vain and lewd ambition swai'd,
And he whom sordid avarice has made
Look like a Skeleton, all those that be
Given up to a destructive luxury,
To doating superstition are inclin'd,
Or any such distemper of the mind.
Are all stark mad. The Miser stands much more
Then other men in need of Hellebore:
I doubt, all that Antycera produces,
Was meant by Nature onely for their uses.
Staberius by his Will his Heirs injoyn'd
T'engrave [...] Tomb what Wealth he left behind.
[Page 253]And if they would not do it, he design'd
They should a hundred pair of Fencers find
To treat the rout, and should provide a feast
As sumptuous as if Arius were their Guest,
And as much corn as e're in Afric grew,
This is my will (sayes he) what is't to you,
Whether't be well or ill? you will not be
My Unckles, and leave your Estates to me.
Hor.
I think Staberius was a prudent man.
Dam.
What do you think of his great prudence than,
When he injoin'd his Heirs they should engrave
Upon his Tomb what monies he did leave
Behind him? and in all his whole life time
Thought poverty to be the greatest Crime,
And abhorr'd nothing more, and if he shou'd
Have di'd less rich, he thought himself less good.
For every thing divine and humane to
Virtue, wit, comeliness and honour do
Submit their Necks to riches splendid sway,
Which whosoever heaps together, may
Be noble, valiant, just, and wise; nay, King,
Or (if 'twere possible) a higher thing:
He hop'd by's Wealth to get immortal fame,
As if he had by virtue rais'd the same.
How contrary was Aristippus mind
To this? That great Philosopher enjoin'd
His men to throw his Gold oth' Lybian shore,
Because the weight on't made them travel [...]lower;
VVhich was the madder of these two think you?
Hor.
I think there's no comparing of those two,
For that Example ne're prevails with me,
VVhich shews the truth but by its contrary.
Dam.
Should a man load himself with Lutes, and yet
To play or sing, have neither will, nor wit?
[Page 254]Should one that knows not how to make a
Sh [...]o [...], VVith Auls and Lasts cramb'd in a Budget go:
Should one to buying ships and anchors fall,
Who has no skill in Merchandize at all,
A mad man and a Buzzard he would be:
Call'd by all People, and deservedly.
What difference is there 'twixt these and those,
Who study gold and silver to enclose,
And know not how to use the Wealth they gain,
But from it as from sacred things refrain?
If one by a huge heap of corn should stand
Watching all day with a long club in's hand,
Yet every grain thereof must let alone,
Though ne're so hungry, and the corn his own,
But rather feeds on bitter barks of trees,
And for his drink takes Vinegar and Lees,
Though millions of Pipes in's Cellar lie
Of as good wine as e're blest taste or eye,
And lies in straw in his old age, while all
His rich attire to moths and wormes do fall
To feed on, or to rot in's Chest. 'Tis true
S [...]ch men seem mad but to a very few,
Because most people are as mad as these,
And much afflicted with the same disease.
Do'st thou hoard up all thy Estate for one
Who was thy Slave, or is perhaps thy Son,
Whom thou, accurs'd old wretch, thine heir wilt make
That he in drink may spend it for thy sake;
And all least thou should'st want: How much a day
Could'st thou from thy vast Treasure pare away,
That thou might'st feed on good and wholsom meat,
And wear apparel useful, clean and neat.
If thou can'st live in any manner, why
Do'st thou forswear thy self, and cheat and lye,
[Page 255] Plunder and
filch from others? art thou in
Thy perfect Senses? if thou should'st begin
To stone the very slaves which thou did'st buy,
That thou art mad, the Boyes and Girls would cry.
If by thy perjury thy guiltless wife
Is by the Iudge condemn'd to lose her life,
That thou might'st get new Portion with another▪
Or if by poison thou destroy thy Mother,
Meerly t'obtain her jointure, how canst thou
Be perfect in thy understanding now?
This is not done at Argos, where such things
Are done, and licenc'd by inhumane Kings;
Nor as Orestes once his Mother slew,
Which by her crimes she had provok'd him to.
Do'st thou suppose the frenzie of his brain
Seiz'd not till after he'd his Mother slain?
Or was he not out of his wits before
He bath'd his sword in her maternal gore;
Besides since that he was accounted mad,
He did no act reproveable and bad;
He ne're attempted Pilades to kill,
Nor yet Electra; onely he said ill
To both, and curst them both, calling her Witch,
And rail'd at him with all bad Language, which
From his enraged heart and tongue could flow,
Uttring what gaul and choller stir'd him to.
Opimius, that Miser, was as mad,
For he did need that money which he had
Laid up in store, and us'd to drink the base
Vejentan Wine on solemn Holy-dayes,
In course Campanian Earthen pots, and on
Week-dayes drunk wine whose taste and spirit's gon.
This fellow fell into a Lethargie,
And his rejoicing Heir ran presently,
[Page 256]And ransackt all his
pockets for his Keys.
An honest nimble Doctor this Disease
Cur'd in this manner; first he gives command
Into his room to bring a Table, and
Upon it his money out to pour,
And bring in divers men to tell it o're,
So rais'd him presently out of his fit,
And gave him this wholesome advice with it;
If thou keep not thy wealth thy self, thine Heirs
Will greedily seize on't, as if' twere theirs.
What, while I am alive? (sayes he) yes (sayes
The Doctor) therefore have a care alwayes,
That thou may'st live, make that thy business too.
What (sayes the Miser) would you have me do?
Your veins (the Doctor sayes) will fail, you'l die
Unless with meat and cordials you supply
Your fainting stomach: Nay, there's no delay,
Come, take this Cordial. Sir, what must I pay
For't? (quoth Opimius) O (the Doctor cries)
This Physick's of a very little price.
How much is that (Opimius sayes) Four pence
(The Doctor said.) Alas what difference
(Sayes this damn'd Miser) is't whether I die
Of this disease, or by their theivery?
Hor.
Who then are in their senses?
Dam.
Those that be
Not fools.
Hor.
But what do you suppose is he
That's covetous?
Dam.
A fool and mad man too.
Hor.
Must he be wise that covets not?
Dam.
No, no,
Hor.
Why (prithee Stoick.)
Dam.
I will tell thee why:
This man has not the Plague (the Doctor cries.)
Is he well therefore? may he safely rise?
No (sayes the Doctor) for the man may be
Afflicted with some other malady.
This man perhaps is not a perjur'd Knave,
Nor yet a sordid avaritious Slave,
Thank [...]is good Stars for that; yet if he be
O' [...]e impudent, or else ambitious, he
Is mad and must pack to Antycera,
For what's the odds, whether you throw away
All your estate into the Sea, or not
Dare to make use of that which you have got?
Opidius a wealthy person, who
Had good old Rents, and at Canusium two
Very good Farmes, which he 'twixt both his Sons
At's death divided (as the story runs)
Calling them to his Bed, he told them thus;
Since l've observ'd thee (my Tiberius)
Tell o're thy Nuts, and in some private place
To hide thy Play-games with a careful face,
While thou (my Aulus) carelesly would'st play
With thine, and loose them, or give them away;
I am afraid lest madness should possess
The minds of both, though in a different dress,
And make one turn a Prodigal, and t'other
Be covetous, contrary to his Brother;
And therefore he did beg of Heaven, that
One Son might ne're diminish his Estate,
Nor t'other his increase, but be content
With that which he had thought sufficient,
And Nature had confin'd them to; and least
The itch of glory should their mindes infest,
[Page 258]He by an
oath injoin'd them, that if e're
Either of them were Alderman or Mayor,
He should b' uncapable to make a Will,
But live like one run mad, or out-law'd still.
Thou mad man! wilt thou spend what e're thou hast
In gifts and presents, onely that thou maist
Walk on th' Exchange in state? or else maist be
Set up in Brass to keep thy memory?
When thy Hereditary Lands t'hast sold,
And spent thy Fathers Silver and his Gold:
Must you forsooth have such applauses made
As great Agrippa, Caesars Kinsman had?
Or shall the Coward Fox, though crafty, dare
With the magnanimous Lion to compare?
A Countrey fellow that by chance did meet
With Agamemnon, ask'd him in the street,
Why (Agamemnon) why didst thou forbid
That Ajax body should be buried?
I am a King (said Agamemnon.) Nay
Then (quoth the Clown) I have no more to say.
But my commands were just, (the King replies)
And if to any they seem otherwise,
I'le give him free leave to discourse the things.
The Countrey Clown repli'd, Greatest of Kings▪
Heaven grant you may triumphant bring away
Your conquering Navy from the conquer'd Troy.
Propose the Q [...]estion (cries the King) and I
Will give an answer to't: Speak. Pray Sir, why
(Reply'd the Clown) should that Heroick wight
Ajax, who was so eminent for might,
And had so oft preserv'd the Grecians, not
Second to any but Achilles, rot
Above ground uninterr'd, that Priam may,
And all his baffled Trojans laugh, and say
Deny'd their Graves, now wants a Sepulcher?
Ajax (sayes Agamemnon) being mad,
Did kill a hundred sheep, and said he had
Kill'd that renowned man Ulysses, and
That I and Menalaus fell by's hand.
But when at Aulis you did basely slay
Your beauteous Daughter, and on th' Altar lay
Her body like a Calf for Sacrifice,
Vile man (said the Plebean) were you wise?
Why not? (sayes Agamemnon.) Quoth the Clown,
Pray what has Ajax in his madness done?
He with his Sword kill'd Cattle, but his hand
From murthering's wife and children still abstain'd;
True, he curs'd you and Menalaus too:
But to his friend Ulysses he did do
No wrong: Nor yet to Teucer (sayes the King)
That I may Navy from the Shore might bring,
The Gods with blood I wisely pacifi'd.
Mad King! 'twas your own (the Clown reply'd.)
Yes (quoth the King) with my own blood, 'tis true▪
In which I did no act of madness shew;
Who false things (sayes the Clown) with true, & bad
With good, together huddles, is stark mad;
And whether it be out of folly done,
Or rage, and madness, still the thing is one
Ajax in killing harmless sheep was mad,
And you in acting your great crime as bad;
Killing your guiltless Daughter to appease,
Those vain imaginary Deities;
Upon deliberation too; is your heart well
And pure, when as it did with passion swell?
If any in a Coach about should bear
A fine white Lamb, and garments for't prepare
And Servants, call it his dear, duck, and honey,
Provide a Husband for't; the Magistrate
Must seize upon this Lunaticks Estate,
And then the Guardianship of him commit
To the next Kin of his who has more wit.
But what if one his Daughter sacrifice
Instead of a mute Lamb, is that man wise?
No man will say't; and therefore wheresoe're
Is vitious folly, madness too is there;
And he's a mad-man who is given to vice,
That fool whom brittle Honour does intice,
Is so transported with the various sound
Of Drums and Trumpets, that his Brains turn round.
Now as to luxury, reason doth shew,
That foolish Prodigals are mad men too:
There's Nomentanus, who as soon as e're
He had receiv'd a thousand pounds, which were
Left him by's Father, he proclaimed straight
The Fowler and the Fisherman should wait
Upon his Worship, and all Tradesmen come
And bring their wares next morn to him at home!
Ba [...]ds, Pimps, Buffoons, and all that impious crue
Of sherking Tradesmen, which young Squires undo.
What followed then? They instantly appear
With their Commodities from far and near.
The Baud being at Rhetorick the best,
Makes a set Speech at th'instance of the rest;
May't please your Worship, (quoth she) whatsoe're
I or my Brethren have at home, or here,
Is at your service, send for't when you please.
Now mark the silly answer which to these
This youngker gives; Poor Huntsman thou dost go
In heavy Boots, and watch all night in th' Snow,
[Page 261]And for my Supper bring'st a Bore to me:
Thou Fisherman in the tempestuous Sea
Tak'st me a Dish of exc'lent Fish, while I
Glutted with wealth and sloth supinely lie,
Unworthy such a Fortune to possess;
Your merits must make my great fortune less;
You Huntsman, there's a hundred pounds for you;
Here Fisherman, take you a hundred too;
Pimp, for thy Wives sake, take a triple sum,
For if I send at mid-night she will come.
Aesop the Players Son, that Prodigal
In his luxurious prank, out-ranted all;
He pluck'd a Pearl out of his Doxies ear,
Which when he had dissolv'd in vinegar,
He quaffs it at a draught, as who should say,
(Damn me) I drink a thousand pounds a day.
Had he bin madder if he'd thrown away
That Pearl into the Bog-house or the Sea?
Those Sons of Arrius, who were arrant Twins
In luxury, toyes, love, and such vain sins;
No food upon those Gallants Tables came,
But Nightingals which could sing Walsingham.
How shall I rank them, 'mong the wise, or no?
Must they to th' Senate, or to Bedlam go?
If one who wears a beard should make Dirt pies,
Or please himself with Chariots drawn with Mice,
Or ride a Hobby-horse, or at Push-pin play,
Who would not swear his wits were fled away?
If Reason does convince us that to fall
In Love, is the most childish thing of all;
And there's no difference if thou play'st with dirt,
And such vain toyes (as when a child thou wert)
And now thou'rt grown a man thou do'st adore,
And whine and vex for some fair crafty Whore.
Who being drunk, run with a Garland on
Into the School of grave Xenocra [...]es,
With Ribons, Cushions, Handkercheifs; all these
He privately took off and threw away
When he heard what that temperate man did say;
And grew a grave man from a Cock-brain'd fool,
So that he did succeed him in that Scho [...].
If you should offe [...] to a froppish Boy
An Apple, he'ld refuse't; and if you say,
Take it (my pretty Child) he will deny;
But if you do not give it him, he'l cry.
A puling Lover's such another Ass,
Who being shut out by his cunning L [...]ss,
Hankers about the door: What shall I do,
(Thinks he) shall I return to her, or no?
And though he uninvited would have gon,
Yet when by her he is but call'd upon;
Shall I go now (sayes he) or rather find
Some way to ease the troubles of my mind?
Shut out! and straight call'd in! and shall I go?
If she should beg her heart out, I'ld say, No;
Parmeno was much wiser, though a Slave,
Master (sayes he) those things which neither have
Reason nor measure, are not fit to be
Dealt with by Rule and rationality.
In that vein toy call'd love, these mischiefs are,
War, Peace, ill-grounded peace, and groundless war▪
If any man should strive to fix and stay
Those things which by their Nature will away;
This way and that by every wind are blown,
And on blind Fortunes waves tost up and down,
He does as ill, and is as much a fool,
As if he would be mad by art and rule.
[Page 263]When thou do'st laugh because a
kernel hits
Thy Chambers roof, art thou in thy right wits?
And when thou do'st thy Mistress entertain
With Childrens prattle which cannot speak plain,
How canst thou possibly be thought more wise
Then little Children are, which make Dirt pies?
Now to all Lovers follies add the guilt
Of all the blood which has by them been spilt,
Both of themselves and others, with a Sword
Let their devouring foolish Fire be stirr'd.
Was it not stoutly done of Marius? who
First his own Mistress, then his own self slew:
Was he not frantick? or wilt thou acquit
Him of that crime, of being out of's wit,
But of great wickedness wilt him accuse,
To give nick-names to things as people use?
There was an old man in the morn would go
Fasting about the streets, with hands washt too;
And to the Gods he'ld vehemently pray,
That he might ne're by Death be t'ane way,
'Tis a small thing to you, ye Gods (quoth he)
To give to one man Immortality.
If any Master were about to sell
Such men for Slaves, and should the Buyer tell
That they were persons perfect and compleat,
Unless h' except their minds, he is a Cheat.
This sort of people does Chrysippus place
Among the fools innumerable race.
A superstitious Mother, whose young Son
Sick of a Quartan lay, as he had done,
Five moneths at least, to Iupiter did pray;
Oh Iove, who pains do'st send and take away,
If this poor Child of mine may be (quoth she)
Once from this shivering Quartan Ague free,
[Page 264]On the next day thou do'st a fast command,
I'th' morn in Tyber he shall naked stand.
Now when the Doctor, or good luck (that's more)
Did to his former health this Boy restore,
His doating Mother, by her Zeal beguil'd,
Into the River put her Feav'rish Child;
Whose coldness did the Feaver bring again,
So she her Son, which she would save, hath slain:
But how came she so much out of her Wits?
Hor.
Perhaps she's troubled with Religious Fits.
Dam.
Stertinius, that 8th. wise man, told me
This as a friend, that I might armed be,
When any man hereafter call'd me mad,
I in revenge might say, he is as bad;
And teach him to look back, that he might find
That unknown part oth' bag which hangs behind.
Hor.
After those losses which thou didst sustain,
May'st thou sell every thing for so much gain;
But prithee tell me, Stoick, to what kind
Of madness do'st thou think I am inclin'd,
(For there are several sorts) but I suppose,
That I am free from every one of those.
Dam.
When up and down the streets Agave bore
Her poor Childs Head which she cut off before,
Did she conceive that she was mad, (think you?)
Hor.
Well, I'm a fool, I must confess, 'tis true;
Nay, I'm mad too; but (prithee) let me know
What kind of madness I'm addicted to.
Dam.
I'le tell thee; First, thou hast a building brain,
Next, though thou'rt but an Urchin, thou would'st fain
Appear a propper Fellow: Thou laugh'st at
That little Fencer Turbo's strutting gate
When he's in Armes, with what a Spirit he goes,
And art not thou as much ridicul [...]us?
[Page 265]Do'st thou conceive 'tis fit for thee to do
What e're Maecenas power promps him to?
Wilt thou who art so much below him, dare
With such an eminent person to compare?
A careless Calf by chance did tread upon
A nest of young Frogs, when the old was gon;
One that escap'd did to his Dam declare,
That by a huge great beast her young ones were
All trod upon and kill'd. How big was he?
Was he as big as I am now? (quoth she:)
Then swell'd her self. Bigger by half (repli'd
Frog junior.) What thus much—bigger (cri'd
The Beldame Frog) and still she did swell on,
Until at last, Oh, Mother! (sayes the Son)
Forbear your swelling, for you cannot be
(Though you should burst your self) as big as he:
This Picture very much resembles you.
Add Poetry to all thy madness now,
Which mixt with other Vices is the same,
As if thou should'st pour Oyl into the flame:
Yet if a Poet had been ever known
To be a sober fellow, thou art one;
I'le not speak of thy horrid cholerickness—
Hor.
Hold (prithee Stoick) hold.—
Dam.
Nor of thy dress
That's so phantastical, and so above
Thy Purse and Quality; nor of thy love
T'a thousand wenches and a thousand boyes.
Hor.
Good Damasippus follow thine own toyes,
And now for shame my peccadilloes spare,
Which no pr [...]portion with thy Vices bear.
SATYRE IV. By T. F. Esq A Character of a Belly-god.
CATIUS and HORACE.
Hor.
Whence Brother Catius, and whither bound so fast?
Cat.
Oh, Sir, you must excuse me, I'm in haste,
I dine with my Lord Mayor, and can't allow
Time for our eating Directory now,
Though I must needs confess I think my Rules
Would prove Pythagoras and Plato fools.
Hor.
Grave Sir, I must acknowledge 'tis a crime
To interrupt at such a nick of time;
Yet stay a little Sir, it is no sin;
You're to say Grace're Dinner can begin;
Since you at food such Virtuoso are,
Some Precepts to an hungry Poet spare.
Cat.
I grant you Sir, next pleasure ta'ne in eating
Is that (as we do call it) of repeating;
I still have Kitchin-Systems in my mind,
And from my Stomach's fumes a brain well lin'd.
Hor.
Whence, pray Sir, learnt you these ingenious arts,
From one at home, or hir'd from foreign parts?
Cat.
No names Sir, (I beseech you) that's foul play,
We ne're name Authors, onely what they say.
1.
For Eggs chuse long, the round are out of fashion,
Unfavory and distasteful to the Nation,
E're since the brooding Rump they're addle too,
In the long Egg lies Cock-a-doodle-do.
2.
Chuse Colworts planted on a soil that's dry,
Even they're worse for th' wetting (verily!)
3▪
If Friend from far shall come to visit, then
Say thou would'st treat the wight with Mortal Hen,
Don't thou forthwith pluck off the cackling head,
And impale Corps on Spit as soon as dead;
For so she will be tough beyond all measure,
And Friend shall make a trouble of a pleasure;
Steep't in good wine let her her life surrender,
O then she'l eat most admirably tender.
4.
Mushromes that grow in Medows are the best,
F'rought I know there is poyson in the rest.
5.
He that would many happy Summers see,
Let him eat Mulberries fresh off the Tree,
Gather'd before the Sun's too high, for these
Shall hurt his Stomach less then Cheshire Cheese.
6.
Ausidius (had you done so 't had undone ye)
Sweetned his Mornings-draughts of Sack with honey,
But he did ill to empty veins to give
Corroding Potion for a Lenitive.
7.
If any man to drink do thee inveigle in,
First whet thy whistle with some good Metheglin.
8.
If thou art bound, and in continual doubt
Thou shalt get no more in till some get out,
The Muscle or the Cockle will unlock
Thy bodie; trunck, and give a vent to nock;
Some say that sorrel steept in wine will do,
But to be sure put in some Aloces to.
9.
All Shel-fish (with the growing Moon increase)
Are ever when she fills her Orbe the best;
But for brave Oysters, Sir, exceeding rare,
They are not to be met with every where;
Your Wall-fleet Oyster no man will prefer
Before the juicy Grass-green Colchester;
[Page 268] Hungerford Crawfish match me if you can,
There's no such Crawlers in the Ocean.
10.
Next for your Suppers, you (it may be) think
There goes no more to 't, but just eat and drink;
But let me tell you Sir, and tell you plain,
To dress 'um well requires a man of Brain;
His pallat must be quick, and smart, and strong
For Sauce, a very Critick in the tongue.
11.
He that pais dear for Fish, nay though the best,
May please his Fishmonger more then his Guest,
If he be ignorant what Sauce is proper,
There's Machiavel in th' menage of a Supper.
12.
For Swines-flesh, give me that of the wild bore,
Pursu'd and hunted all the Forrest o're,
He to the liberal Oke ne're quits his love,
And when he finds no Acorns, grunts at Iove;
The Hamshire Hog with Pease and Whey that's fed
Sti'd up, is neither good alive nor dead.
13.
The tendrels of the Vine are Sallads good,
If when they are in season understood.
14.
If Servant to thy Board a Rabbet bring,
Be wise, and in the first place carve a wing.
15.
When Fish and Fowl are right, and at just age,
A feeders curiosity to asswage,
If any ask, Who found the Mystery?
Let him enquire no farther, I am he.
16.
Some fansie Bread out of the Oven hot,
Variety's the Gluttons happiest lot.
17.
It's not enough the wine you have be pure,
But of your oyl as well you ought be sure.
18.
If any fault be in thy generous wine,
Set it abroad all night, and 'twill refine,
But never strein't, nor let it pass through linnen,
Wine will be worse for that as well as Women.
19.
The Vintner that of Malaga and Sherry
With damn'd ingredients patches up Canary,
With Segregative things, as Pigeons Eggs
Straight purifies, and takes away the dregs.
20.
An o're charg'd stomach roasted Shrimps will ease.
The cure by Lettice is worse then the disease.
21.
To quicken appetite it will behove ye
To feed couragiously on good Anchovie.
22.
Westphalia Hamm, and the Bolognia sawsage;
For second or third course will clear a passage,
But Lettice after meals! Fie on't! the Glutton
Had better feed upon Ram-alley-Mutton.
23.
'Twere worth ones while in Palace or in Cottage,
Right well to know the sundry sorts of potage;
There is your French Potage, Nativity Brot [...],
Yet that of Fetter-lane exceeds them both;
About a limb of a departed Tup
There may you see the green Herbs boiling up,
And fat abundance o're the furnace float,
Resembling Whale-oyl in a Greenland Boat.
24.
The Kentish Pippin's best, I dare be bold,
That ever Blew-cap Costardmonger sold.
25.
Of Grapes, I like the Raisons of the Sun;
I was the first immortal Glory won,
By mincing Pickle-Herrings with these Raisons
And Apples: 'Twas I set the World a gazing,
When once they tasted of this Hoghan Fish,
Pepper and Salt Enamelling the Dish.
26.
'Tis ill to purchase great Fish with great matter,
And then to serve it up in scanty Platter;
Nor it it less unseemly some believe,
From Boy with greasie Fist Drink to receive;
But the Cup foul within is enough to make
A squamish creature puke, and turn up stomach.
27.
Then Brooms and Napkins, and the Flander tyl [...]
These must be had too, or the Feast you spoil,
Things little thought on, and not very dear,
And yet how much they cost one in a year!
28.
Would'st thou rub Alablaster with hands fabl [...]
Or spread a Diaper cloth on dirty Table?
More cost, more worship: Come, be Al-a-mode,
Embelish Treat, as thou would'st do an Ode.
Hor.
O learned, Sir, how greedily I hear
This elegant Diatriba of good cheer!
Now by all that's good, by all provant you loue,
By sturdy Chine of Beef, and mighty Jove,
I do conjure thy gravity, let me see
The man that made thee this discovery;
For he that sees th' Original's more happy
Than him that draws by an ill-favour'd Copy;
O bring me to the man I so admire!
The Flint from whence brake forth these sparks of fire,
What satisfaction would the Vision bring?
If sweet the stream, much sweeter is the spring.
SATYRE V. By A. B. A way to grow Rich.
ULYSSES and TIRESIAS▪
Ul.
TO all that thou hast told me heretofore,
Prithee, Tiresias, add this one thing more▪
By what designs and means may I now be
As wealthy as I have been formerly?
Tir.
Is't not enough, that thou
(Thou crafty Fellow) art restored now
To Ithaca, and do'st thy Gods behold
Which thy progenitors ador'd of old?
Ul.
Oh, thou unerring Profit! do but see
How naked I'm return'd, how beggerly,
(As thou fore-told'st) my Closets rifled all,
And that Estate which I my own could call,
Is all consum'd by those Gallants that lay
Courting my Wife, while I have been away;
An honest man and of a Noble house,
If poor, is no more valued then a Louse.
Tir.
Well then, since poverty affrights thee so,
In brief l'le tell thee how thou rich shalt grow:
If any Friend send thee a brace of Phesants,
Or any other rarities for presents,
To thy next wealthy Neighbour, if he's old,
Send them away, so they're not given, but sold▪
And if thy Garden or thy Field bring forth
Melons, or any other Fruits of worth,
Send to some wealthy man a taste e're thou
Do'st any of it to thy Lar allow;
For in this age our muck [...]admiring Elves
Adore rich men more then the Gods themselves.
Though perjur'd Rogues, ignobly born and bred,
Murther'd their Brothers, and their Country fled,
Yet wait upon them when they do command,
And let them alwayes have the upper-hand.
Ul.
What? Shall I give the wall to such a base
Inferiour Rascal as old Damon was?
At Troy I ever scorn'd it, there did I
Contend with Great ones.
Tir.
Thou'lt a Beggar die.
Vl.
[Page 272]This heart wil stoutly bear such things as these,
I have endur'd far greater i [...] my dayes:
But prithee, learned Doctor, tell me how
I may get heaps of Gold and Silver now.
Tir.
I've told thee, and I'le tell it thee again,
Thou art a fellow of a subtle Brain;
Enquire what old Rich men are like to die,
Observe their humours, keep them company,
Ply them with Presents still, that thou maist be
Nam'd in their wills an heir, or legatee;
And if perhaps one or two subtle men
Nible the bait, and straight whip off agen▪
And scape thy hook, and thou art cheated so,
Do not despair, nor yet thy art forgo.
Next, if there be a Law-suit great or small,
That side that's rich, and has no childe at all
Be for, though unretain'd, and let thy Tongue
Beat down his Adversary, right or wrong;
Be the manne're so honest, and the suit
Never so just, or of so good repute,
If he has Children, or a Wife that may
Produce him Children, throw his Cause away.
But say to thy rich childless Client; Sir,
May't please your worship, or your honour! (for
Titles of Honours, and such terms as these,
Do Mortals tender Ears most strangely please.)
'Tis not your money, but your virtues have
Made me your Friend, your servant, may your slave;
I know the Riddles of the Law, and can
Menage your Suits; and I'le give any man
Leave to pluck out mine Eyes, if ever he
Can cheat or fool you, leave your Cause to me;
I'le take such care that you shan't loose a Groat,
Noe yet [...]e laught at; bid him take no thought,
[Page 273]But away home to's Country house, and there
His mind and body both repose and cheer!
Or else do thou thy self turn Advocate,
And for thy Client never cease to prate:
Endure the scorching heat, the piercing cold,
And then thou shalt the gazing Clown behold
Jogging with's Elbow those that next him stand,
Look, look (sayes he) how he endures it, and
How eagerly he pleads there for his friends,
Sure he has all the Law at's Fingers [...]nds:
The Fish will come in sholes then to be caught▪
And thou may'st fill thy Net at every draught.
Or if a rich man have an onely Son
Lies dangerously sick and drawing on,
Be n't too officicus to th'old man, least he
Thy purpose through thy diligence should see,
But gently screw thy self into him, and
Get thy self writ down, Heir at second hand,
That if to's Child any disaster come,
Thou next in order may'st supply his room;
'Tis ten to one but this design will take,
And so his great Estate thine own thou'lt make.
If one desire thee to peruse his Will,
Seem to deny't, thrust it away, but still
So as to glance thine Eye on it, and see
What Legacies, and who's the Legat [...]e;
Let thy quick eye run all the Paper o're,
Whether thou'rt Heir alone, or join'd with more.
Oftimes an o're-grown crafty Scrivener, which
By being in Offices grows wise and rich,
Cheats the next Kindred of th' expected pelf,
Leaves the right Heir out, and puts in himself,
Makes him both needy and ridiculous too,
(As Aesops Fox did serve the gaping Crow.)
Ul.
[Page 274]Art thou inspir'd? or do'st thou go about
On purpose with these ridling words, to flout
And to delude me?—
Tir.
No, Laertes Son!
Whate're I say, will, or will not be done;
For great Apollo hath bestow'd on me
This admirable knack of Prophesie.
Ul.
If it be lawful then, prithee unfold
The meaning of this Fable which th'hast told.
Tir.
The time shall come when our young Emperor, he
Who does derive his Royal Pedigree
From the Divine Aeneas, at whose beck
The sturdie Parthians shall submit their Neck,
And he shall grow so great by Sea and Land,
All Princes else shall stoop at his command:
Some crafty Courtier, as Coranus was,
Shall have a mind t' a hansome strapping Lass,
And wed that Dog Nasica's Daughter, who
Will not a Groat on him with her bestow,
Nor yet will put her off at any rate,
Unless to one that has a vast Estate:
But here's the cheat, he bids th' old man read or'e
His Will, which subtly was contriv'd before.
The griping sl [...]ve thinking he has his end,
Denies to view the Will, and does pretend
He aim'd not at the Wealth, but to have one
Of Honour and of Merit to his Son.
What need I stand gazing on's Will (thinks he)
My Daughter must have all whate're it be:
But being much intreated, does peruse
The Will at last, and after divers views,
Finds nothing is bequeath'd to him or his,
But ev'n to hang himself, or mourn for this.
[Page 275]One thing more I would have thee mind; where e're,
Thou of an old rich doating man do'sthear,
Who's govern'd by his Serving-man, or by
His crafty W [...]nch; joyn in society
With those, and praise them to their Master, so
To him behind thy back they'l praise thee too:
This trick will will help thee much; but nothing can
Avail so much as working on th'old man.
If he writes Verses ne're so like an Ass,
Extoll them to the Skies; and if he has
A mind t' a Wench, send thy Penelope;
Do't of thine own accord; be sure that he
Don't ask thee for her; freely her present,
And wish she may to's Worship give content.
Ul.
D'you think my Wife, who is so vertuous
And modest, who so stoutly did oppose
So many suitors, and continued chaste,
Will be seduc'd t' anothers lust at last?
Tyr.
They'd little Souls, and knew not how treat,
Nor to present a Lady that's so great:
Theirs was but Kitchin-love, they did desire
To fill their Bellies, not to slake their fire;
So thy Penelope continued chaste;
If she of one old man but once should taste,
She'ld share the gains with thee, and cease no more
Then dogs from sheep, when they've kil'd sheep before.
Nay wonder not at this that I have told,
I found it all to true when I grew old.
A damn'd old Hag who did at Thebes die,
Order'd this Funeral solemnity
By her last Will; her body she would have
Anointed o're with Oyl, and to her Grave
She order'd him who was to be her Heir,
On's naked Shoulders her oyl'd Corps to bear,
[Page 276]And if by th'slippriness he let her fall,
What e're she left, he was to forfeit all:
He, while she liv'd, did (I believe) pretend
Great love to her, she'ld have it without end.
Walk war [...]ly, and see thou be not found
Wanting in duty, nor too much abound;
To sickly men, and such as are morose,
A prating fellow is most tedious.
Yet s [...]llen silence affect not at all,
But Dav [...]s-like be something Comical,
Thy Head on one side lean'd, as if he were
A man of whom thou stood'st in mighty fear:
Be very dutiful, and if the Air
Blow ne're so little, bid him have a care
Of his most precious tender head, and when
He's in a Croud, get him straight out agen,
And with both shoulders thrust aside all those,
Who do his easie coming out oppose.
And when he falls to talking bow thine ear,
If his own praises he delights to hear,
Ply him with high Encomiums, and fill
Him Bladder-like with swelling words, until
He lifts both hands up to the very skies;
An honest Servant! 'tis enough, he cries.
And when at length thou by his death shalt be.
From this great care and tedious service free,
And being broad awak'd shalt hear it read,
Ulysses quarter-heir to him that's dead,
Then with a loud voice cry; And is he gon,
What? Have I lost my dear Companion?
Where now shall I another Patron find,
Who's of so just and of so stout a mind?
Nay weep a little, if thou canst; 'tis good
Thy inward joy should not be understood.
[Page 277]And if th'
interment should be left to thee,
Be sure thou do't with pomp and decency;
The Neighbours all about will celebrate
A funeral that's manag'd in great State.
If one of the oldest Coheirs chance to be
Infirm in's body, or cough dangerously,
Apply thy self to him, tell him he shall
Buy what to thy share by the Will does fall;
Whether't be house or ground, tell him thy mind
Is more to money then to land inclin'd.
But Proserpine recalls me to my Cell,
I must obey and go; Live long, farewel.
SATYRE VI. By Sir R. F.
He saith he lives content with what he hath, and wishes no more. Then compares the Commodities of the ease he injoyes in the Countrey, with the discommodities of businesses and troubles which accompany the City life.
THis was my wish, A moderate scope of Land,
A Garden with a pl [...]n [...]eous Spring at ha [...]d:
And to crown these a plump of trees: Heaven gave
Better then this; 'Tis well, no more I crave
Good Mercury, make but these [...] indure;
If neither by ill wayes I did procure,
Nor by ill wayes shall waste them: if I scape
Longings: O that you Nook, which doth [...]ishape
My Field, were added! O that I might find
A pot of Gold! as (Hercules to friend)
[Page 278]He did, who hir'd to delve anothers ground,
Bought the same Land he digg'd with what he found:
If what I have please me: if thou incline,
When I pray, Make my Flock, and all that's mine
Fat, but my wit; and as th'ast ever done,
Stand my great Guardian. Therefore (when being flown)
Out of Romes Cage into the Woods, I put
Discourses in rough Verse, and horse my Foot)
Nor Feavers kill me, nor Ambitions itch,
Nor [...]ickly Autumns making Sextons rich.
FATHER MATUTE: or Janus (if that style
Affect thee more) from whom their births, and toil,
According to the Julian year men date,
VVith thee I auspicate my work. When straight
Thou thy self hurriest me away to Rome
To be a Surety: Quick, least some one come
Before, that's more officious; Rain, or Blow,
And though the Colds shrink day to nothing, goe
I must: and after, wrastle through a Croud,
And crack my Lungs, t'undo my self aloud:
Injure, who ere is slower. Name of Mars!
What mean you? whose Solicitor? (Thus curse
Those men, upon whose Corns I tread) O! you
Hasting to serve Maecenas, care not who
You run o're. I'le nere lie; this grieves me not:
'Tis Musick. But anon, when I have got
Esquiliaes misty Top, thousand affairs
Of other men flie buzzing in mine ears,
And sting me back and sides; Roscius requests
To morrow, Two, you'd help him i'th' Requests.
The Secretaries pray you'd not forget
A business that concerns the Publick, Great,
And new, today: stay Quintus, get this Bill
Sign'd by Maecenas: If I can I will.
[Page 279] Nay, thou can'st do't; and presses me. 'Tis now
A seven years past, Maecenas doth allow
Me of his Family, onely t'advise
Whom he should take into his Coach in journeys,
To whom commit his Meddals: What's a Clock?
Which Fencer will beat (think'st thou) or which Cock?
'Tis a hard Frost: Will't bear another Coat?
With such like trifles as are safely put
In leaking ears. This Prentiship have I
Serv'd under Envy's lash, more and more daily.
Our Friend Bowl'd with Maecenas th'other day,
I, and they sate together at the Play:
(Some men have Fortune!) Blowes there through the street,
A bleak news from the Change? straight all I meet;
G [...]odman: (for thou being near the Gods must know)
Do'st hear ought of the Dacians? In sooth, No.
Thou'lt ne're leave jeering. Hang me, if I do.
The Lands th [...]n which the Emperor promis'd to
The Souldiers, in SICILIA shall they be
Allotted to them, or in Italy?
Swearing, I nothing know: Well, Goe thy wayes
For a deep pit of secresie! and gaze.
Mean while my Taper wasts: scarce time to pray:
O Fields, when shall I see you? O, when may
I, rould in Books, or lull'd in sleep and ease,
Opium life's cares with sweet forgetfulness?
When shall I taste the Pythagorean Bean
With fav'ry broth, and Bacon without lean?
O nights, and suppers of the Gods, which I
And mine, consume in my own Family;
Where my Clowns, born within doors, tear the [...]east
I tasted to them; where the lawless guest
D [...]ies the unequal Cups, as his Complexion
Asks soaking showres, or moderate refection.
[Page 280]Then talk we not of buying Lands, nor school
Other mens lives: nor whether Caesars Fool
Dance well, or not: But things of more concern,
Are our discourse, and which men ought to learn:
Whether to happiness do more conduce
Vertue or wealth? if we our Friends should chuse
For ends, or honesty. What's understood
Truly by Goods? and which is the chief good?
My Neighbour Cervius, interweaves his old
Fables, as thus: Aurelius wealth extoll'd,
(Forgetting with what cares it tortures him)
I'le tell you a Tale (quoth he:) Once on a time,
The Country Mouse receiv'd in her poor house,
Her antient and good friend the City Mouse;
A mighty Huswife, and exceeding nigh,
Yet free in way of Hospitality.
In short, the Chick-pease she had laid for [...]oard,
And unthrasht Oats she sets upon the Board,
Brings scraps of Bacon in her mouth, and dry
Barley; desiring with variety
(Had it been possible) to have o'recame
The stately niceness of the City-dame.
When the good wife her self on her Straw-bed,
(Leaving the best) on Chaff and Acorn fed.
At length, her guest: Friend, how canst thou indure
To live in this Rock-side, moapt and obscure?
Wild Woods preferr'st Thou to a Town, and Men?
Come go with me. Since all shall die, and when
We go, our Mortal souls resolve to dust,
Live happy whil'st thou may'st, as one that must
Be nothing a while hence. Drawn by this spell,
The Country Mouse skips lightly from her Cell,
And both their way unto the City keep,
Longi [...]g by night over the walls to creep:
[Page 281]And now 'twas mid-night, and her foot each sets
In a rich house: where glittering Coverlets
Of Tyrian Die, on Ivory-beds were past,
And many Offals of a great feast past,
Lay in the Pantry heapt. Her Rural mate
Pray'd to repose under a Cloth of State;
The City Mouse, like an officious Hoast,
Bestirs her self to fetch bak'd, boil'd, and roast,
And playes the Carver, tasting all she brings,
She thinks the world well chang'd; and Heavens good things
Stretching, injoyes; when straight flies ope the room,
And tosses both out of the wrought Couch plom,
Running like things distracted, but much more
When with Molossian Dogs the high roofs roar:
Then said the Country Mouse, No more of this,
Give me my Wood, my Cave, and Roots with peace.
The same by another Hand.
THis, this the sum of all my wishes was,
In a small farm my life obscure to pass,
Where I a Garden and a Spring might see,
A little Grave, or at the least a Tree:
But here the bounteous Gods have given me more,
Then all my largest hopes conceiv'd before;
'Tis well, I'm thankeful, and no more I wish,
But onely that they should continue this.
If by no wretched gain I ever yet
Made my self guilty, that I might be great;
[Page 282]If by no
vitious course, or
squandring way,
I shall my life to poverty betray;
If I send up to Heaven no prayer like these,
O that kind Heaven would give me to possess
That narrow spot of ground which nere me lies,
And [...]'re my Garden walks too high doth rise!
Oh, that some luckie hit of Fortune wou'd
Bring to my hands such unexpected good,
As once she did to a hir'd Plough-man, who
While he with usual hopes the Field did plough,
He found of hidden treasure so great store,
He bought the Field wherein he toil'd before.
No, if my mind be equal in desires,
And to no more then what I have aspires,
Then let just Heaven keep my Estate from harm,
Keep my Lambs safe, that they may keep me warm [...]
Let me enjoy what's needful, and what's fit,
Have all things fat about me but my wit!
May the Gods be propitious still to me,
And be my guardians as they use to be.
And now in this so close and silent life,
Stole from the arts of Court and Cities strife,
What should I write but Humerous Satyres here?
Satyres the Woods inhabitants alwayes were.
Here no ambitious Raptures heat my head,
Here no infection through the air is spread;
Here I in midst of tempests am secure,
Nor fear the fall of Chimneys every hour;
Here all the stormy windes that chance to rise,
Onely bring [...]ounder sleeps unto my eyes:
Or if sometimes their fury they do spend
On some tall Oak, and it asunder rend,
Their very mischief's useful here, and by
Their rage my wood-mans labour they supply.
[Page 283]But hold, while I my self thus flatter here,
Reck'ning before each pleasure of the year,
I [...]ad forgot that I su [...]pena'd was,
And up to London suddenly must pass;
Away I must, and ride through thick and thin,
There to arive before the Term begin;
To Horse I must what ever wind doth blow,
Whether the dayes do long or shorter grow;
For all my shrugging, yet away I must;
Thither I come, and through the croud I thrust:
Methinks the stream I do already feel;
As I pass through, sometimes I kick ones heel,
Sometimes anothers Cornes I tread upon,
While they do curse and cry, whither d'you run?
What ails you? why so fast? do not you see
That we by those before us hindred be?
To my Maecenas House I still press through,
Remembring to what company there I go,
That, that indeed is sweet to me; for there
Is pleasant company and healthy air
To me, who from the Sea-coals and the noise
Escap'd, a while a mouthful there injoyes;
But when I tired and puffing thither come,
A hundred strangers business do hum
About my ears, a hundred trifles fall
Upon my head, back, shoulders, covering all.
Of my whole life the greatest part I've spent,
Not with my self, or to my own content,
But in that pomp, which I of all things hate,
Th' acquaintance of chief Ministers of State,
Though all th' employment I had with them was
Onely to help some idle hours to pass:
Sir, my Lord such a one desires that you
Would be at Westminster at two:
[Page 284]There did a
Merchant, Sir, for you inquire,
Your aid in some rich project to desire:
I pray Sir get his Graces hand to this,
He knows me, and it reasonable is.
And if I say I'le do my best in it,
Oh Sir (sayes he) if you but think it fit
To speak a word, th' event I need not fear,
And then some Bribe they whisper in my ear;
All's but for them to exe [...]cise the [...]r pride,
And all that wa [...]t for business to deride,
While we within in private shut the while,
With such vain tattle do the time beguile:
What is the clock? 'tis very cold to day,
How do you like these Verses, or that Play?
Such were the grave affairs of State, that we
Transacted in our envy'd secresie;
Yet by this means, 'twas nois'd about the Town
That I a mighty favorite was grown:
D'ye hear the news? (sayes one) our friend did ride
Last night with my Lord Chancellor side by side;
He is a rising man, and happy me,
I him to day at least two hours did see
In private with his Highness, and his Grace
Gave him a Friendly smile as he did pass.
When once the World hath taken this report,
Then all the Mounsieurs brisk about the Court,
Where e're I meet them kindly me salute,
Y'are well met Sir, you know without dispute
How matters goe; (say they) for now you are
Acquainted with all States-men secrets here.
And how? and how? and when d'ye expect the Fleet?
When will the King set forth the Que [...]n to meet?
I know not. Come you'r such another man!
L [...]t all the Gods their judgements on me rain,
[Page 285]If I know any things.
And what d'ye hear, When did the Portuguez resign Tangier?
Is all in Ireland quiet still or no?
When will my Lord Lieutenant thither goe?
Which way are things accommodated there,
For the old Irish, or the Purchaser?
Still I persist that I do nothing know,
At my reserv'dness they much wonder shew;
That I'm a close and trusty man they swear,
Fit to be made a Privy-counsellor.
Thus I my time to [...]uch vain fopperies give,
And onely in my wishes truly live:
Oh, when shall I the Country see again,
When in a medow, or a shady plain,
Shall I once more securely read and sleep,
And no account of the dayes motion keep?
But by a pleasant thoughtful idleness
Of humane life make the long journey less:
Oh Beans and Bacon! O delicious meal!
Such as the first and innocent men did eat
Of fruits, for which Pythagoras was wise,
When he all other dainties did despise;
Oh nights and suppers fit for Gods to eat,
For even the Gods have sometimes lov'd retreat.
There o're my merry Servants I am King,
Yet fear no Poison in what e're they bring.
There free from all the gentle rudeness, which
The Laws of Drinking in the City teach,
One takes a Brimmer up, another cries,
Hold, hold, pray not too much, that will suffice.
All drink what e're they please, and none by stealth
Need put this Glass by, or escape that health.
There no discourse of other men comes in,
Nor who this Race, who did that Cock-match win,
[Page 286]Not who commands the
fashion of the Town,
Who the best Actor is, Lacy, or Mohume?
We talk of things that nearer us concern,
And which 'tis more material to learn,
What kind of life a prudent man should chuse,
Or to be rich, or to be virtuous;
What into strongest friendship men doth bind,
Profit and interest, or the Goods oth' mind:
What of true happiness the nature is,
What are its measures, properties, degrees.
C—the while (for he too did the same)
Forsook the world with me, and thither came
C—still mingles things that are more gay,
Rough Morals with old Stories doth allay:
Yet not that all our talk should stories be,
But onely when they genuine come and free:
Then if some new arriv'd half-witted Guest,
(Half witted sure he needs must be at best,)
Admires the City and the glories there,
How splendidly these Lords or those appear,
Against him which such railery he disputes,
And with a Mouses Argument confutes.
By Mr. A. Cowley.
AT the large Foot of a fair hallow tree,
Close by plow'd grounds, seated commodiously
His antient and hereditary house,
There dwelt a good substantial Country Mouse,
Frugal and grave, and careful of the main,
Yet one who nobly once did entertain
[Page 287]A
City Mouse, well coated, sleek, and gay,
A Mouse of high degree, who lost his way
Wantonly walking forth to take the air,
And arriv'd early, and belighted there
For a dayes lodging; the good hearty Host
The antient plenty of his Hall to boast,
Did all the stores produce that might excuse,
With various taste the Courtiers appetite,
Chitches and beans, peason, and oats and wheat,
And a large Chesnut, the delicious meat
Which Iove himself were he a Mouse would eat;
And for a haut-guest there was mixt with these
The sword of Becon and the coat of cheese,
The precious relicks which at Harvest he
Had gathe [...]'d from the Reapers luxury:
Freely (said he) fall on, and do not spare,
The bounteous Gods will for to morrow care.
And thus at ease on Beds of straw they lay
And to their Genius sacrific'd the day:
Yet the nice Guests mind
(Though breeding made him civil seem and kind)
Despis'd this Countrey Feast, and still his thought
Upon the cakes and pies of London wrought.
Your bou [...]ty and civility (said he)
Which I'm surpris'd in these rude parts to see,
Shews that the Gods have given you a mind
Too noble for the fare which here you find:
Why should a Soul so virtuous and so great,
Loose it self thus in an obscure retreat?
Let Savage Beasts lodge in a Countrey Den,
You should see Towns, and manners, and know men,
And taste the generous luxury of the Court,
Where all the Mice of qualitie resort,
[Page 288]Where thousand beauteous
shees about you move,
And by high fare are pliant made to love.
We all ere long must render up our [...]reath,
No Cave or Hole can shelter us from Death;
Since life is so uncertain and so short,
Let's spend it all in feasting and in sport.
Come (worthy Sir) come with me and partake
All the great things that Mortals happy make.
Alas, what vertue has sufficient armes
T' oppose bright Honour and soft pleasures charms?
What wisdome can their Magick force repel?
It draws this Reverend Hermit from his Cell.
It was the time when witty Poets tell,
That Phoebus into Tethys bosome fell,
She blusht at first, and then put out her light,
And drew the modest Curtains of the night.
Plainly the truth to tell, the Sun was set,
And to the town the wearied trav [...]llers get
To a Lords house, as Lordly as can be,
Made for the use of pride and luxury.
They come; the gentile Courtier at the door
Stopt, and will hardly enter in before.
But this, Sir, you command, and being so,
I'm sworn t' obedience; and so in they go
Behind a Hanging in a spacious room,
The richest work of Mortelacks noble Loom.
They wait a while their wearied Limbs to rest,
Till silence should invite them to their f [...]ast,
Alont the hour that Cyn [...]hia's silver light
Had toucht the pale meridies of night.
At last the various Supper being done,
It hapned that the company was gone
Into a room remote, Servants and all,
To please their noble fancies with a Ball.
[Page 289]Our
Host leads forth his
stranger, and does find
All fitted to the bounties of his mind:
Still on the Tables half fill'd Dishes stood,
And with delicious bits the flow'r was strew'd,
The courteous Mouse presents him with the best,
And both with fat varieties are blest:
The industrious peasant every where does range,
And thanks the Gods for his lives happy change;
Loe in the midst of a well fraighted Pye
They both at last glutted and wanton lie:
When (see the sad reverse of prosperous fate,)
And what fierce stormes on mortal glories wait,
With hideous noise down the rude Servants come,
Six Dogs before run barking into th' room,
The wretched Gluttons fly with wild affright,
And hate their fulness which retards their flight.
Our trembling Peasant wishes now in vain,
That rocks and mountains cover'd him again:
Oh, how the change of his poor life he curst,
This of all lives (said he) is sure the worst.
Give me again ye Gods my Cave and Wood,
With peace let tares and acorns be my food!
SATYRE VII. By A. B.
HORACE and DAVUS.
The miseries of a Debauched life.
Dav.
I'Ve over-heard you, and a mind I have (Slave,
To speak a word t'you, but being but your
I am afraid.—
Hor.
[Page 290]—Who art thou, Davus?
Dav.
—Yes,
Davus, who alwayes to his Patron is
A Slave so loving and so true, that he
Deserves at length that you should make him free.
Hor.
Go on, and use Decembers freedom now,
(Because our Ancestors did that allow.)
Speak what thou hast a mind.
Dav.
—Most men delight
In Vice continually, and with all their might
Pursue their lewd designes: Many there be
Float up and down with much inconstancie.
Now they will lead a virtuous life, but then
They quickly tumble into vice agen.
How fickle Priscus is! sometimes he'! be
With ne're a Ring on's hand, sometimes with three:
And every hour he'l vainly change his Gown;
Sometimes he'l lodge i'th noblest house in Town,
Straight in the meanest Cottage he will lie,
And thence come forth looking so nastily.
Now he at Athens studies hard, but straight
Away he comes to Rome to fornicate.
So various in his life, as if he'd been
Born in all shapes Vertunuus e're was in.
That Gamester Volanerius, when the Gout
Had rack'd and shrunk up all his joints throughout,
A Fellow by the day he hir'd and sed
To take the Dice, and throw them in his stead.
How much more constant men in Vices be,
So much the easer is their misery;
'Tis better far to keep an equal pace,
Then sometimes slack and sometimes stretch the Trace.
Hor.
Yet all this while thou tell'st nor to what end
(Thou sleering Knave) these fullen words do tend.
Dav.
[Page 291]They're meant of you.—
Hor.
Why so (you Rogue?)
Dav.
—You praise
Mens fate and wayes who liv'd in former dayes,
And yet if any God move you to use
The like your self, you obstinately refuse,
Either because you don't conceive what you
Your self affirm thereof is right and true;
Or else the truth you faintly do deftend,
And are not such a man as you pretend;
And when you stick so fast, you do desire
In vain to pluck your feet out of the mire.
The Country you admire when you are at Rome,
But when into the Country you are come,
A City life you above all things prize,
And Rome you vainly do extoll to th' skies.
When you are not invited forth to sup,
Your own safe Diet you do so cry up,
Pretending if you e're go forth, 'tis still
To please your Friend, but sore against your will:
And you're so pleas'd, and count your self so blest,
When you are not invited out to feast.
But if Maecenaes send for you to come,
How all the house rings with your noise at home!
What, not the Barber come yet?—Jack!— who's there?
Where are these Ragues, my Servants?—does none hear?
And then away you post t' your Patrons feast,
Where Milvius that Parasite, and the rest
Which feed upon him, curse and rail, and speak
Base words of you, when they away must sneak.
One (I confess) did tell me to my face,
You did your pleasure in your Belly place;
And call'd you smell-feast, feeble, sluggard, sot,
What they could think, as Glutton, and Toss-pot.
Nay perhaps worse, why should you rail at me,
As if you're better? when you but disguise
With vertuous names the foulness of your vice.
When you were with anothers wife in bed,
And simply by his Slave discovered,
Trapand and apprehended, were not you
A verier fool then I?—Nay, never go
To fright me with your surly countenance;
Bridle your passion, don't your fist advance,
While I impartially declare unt' you
That which Crispinus Slave reveal'd to me.
You're for a married woman, while your poor
Slave Davus is content with a poor—
Which of our crimes are greater, your or mine?
When heat of blood does me to th' flesh incline,
I take a common wench, with whom I do
Such things as humane Nature promps me to;
And having done, I presently depart,
My name not blemish'd by it, nor my heart
Solicitous, where those who next there lie,
Be handsomer or richer men then I.
But when you lay your Ornaments aside,
And sneak along for fear you should be spi'd:
Are you not what you seem, when you become
Instead of a grave Senator a Groom?
And are into anothers Lodgings led,
With an old Cap to hide your powdred head;
'Twixt lust and fear such a contest is in you,
Your flesh and bones still trembling do continue.
What difference is't if you are bound for hire
To be destroi'd, whether by Sword or Fire?
Or to be thrust into a nasty Chest
With head and heels contracted to your breast,
The Baud that's privy to her Mistress sin.
Has not th' abused Husband then just power,
Both o're his wife and o're her Paramour?
More just o're the Adulterer, yet she
Nor place nor habit shifts, nor publickly
Commits the sin; the woman is in fear,
And believes not your promis'd love to her:
But you're a voluntary Slave to your lust,
And with that raging Tyrant do intrust
All your estate; your safety, liberty,
Repute and life, things which so precious be.
And when you have escap'd from all those Snares,
A man would think you should be full of fears,
And would by this take warning now, but you
Seek how to sin, and to be plagu'd anew.
Oh! you that make your self so oft a Slave,
What bruit Beasts are so mad, that when they have
Made their escape by breaking off the chain,
Will to the snares expose themselves again?
You say, you are no Adulterer, nor I
A Theif, because I warily pass by
Your plate, but were the punishment away,
You to Adultery, I to Theft should stray.
Are you my Master, and so much a Slave,
To those ill powers which Dominion have
O're men and things? and have so often bin
Freed from your slavery, yet again get in?
Adde this thing to the rest, which seems to me
An Argument of great validitie,
If he that does a Slave serve and obey,
Is a Slaves Vicar (as you Scholars say)
Or but his Fellow-slave, pray tell me then
What must I be to you? for even when
[Page 294]You rule o're me you are a wretched
Slave, To other powers, and no true motion have,
But are like wooden Puppets mov'd about,
Not by your Nerves within, but Wires without.
Hor.
Who then is free?
Dav.
He that is wise, and can
Govern himself, that, that's the true Free-man;
Whom prisons, want, nay Death, can't terrifie,
Who quells his vain desires, and valiantly
Contemns the froth of popular applause,
And squares his actions all by virtues laws:
No outward thing can alter him at all,
And Fortune's baffled if on him she fall.
Can you pick a discription out of this,
Which may express your self?—Your high Mistress
Demands a hundred pound a time of you,
And if not given her, pouts and looks askew,
And in a pet she thrusts you out of door,
Flings water on you to affront you more:
Then in another mood she calls you back;
And are you free? Come, come, withdraw your neck
Out of this shameful Yoke, and say I'm free,
Which you in this condition n're can be;
For you've a Master rigid and severe,
Does o're your mind and body domineer;
And though you're tir'd, and able scarce to stir,
He cruelly rides on with switch and spur.
Pray Sir, when you so many hours lie lazing,
On some rare piece of Painting vainly gazing,
Wherefore are you more innocent then I,
When on a Battle I do cast mine eye,
With Char-coal or Red-oker rudely done,
And see the Fencers nimbly strike and shun
[Page 295]Each others blows, in various postures, so
As if the Fight were real, not a Show:
I must be call'd a loytering Rogue, but you
In antient Painting for a Critick go.
If I pursue a hot well-sented Cake,
I am call'd Rascal; but when you do make
Your sumptuous Banquets with all luxury,
You must a noble person counted be:
Pray wherefore should my petty luxurie
Be far more prejudicial to me,
Then yours that's greater is to you? if I
Indulge my Belly, I'm lash'd presently:
And are not you punish'd as much as that,
Who on your Belly spend your whole Estate?
Feasts to perpetual Feasters odious are,
And Drunkards feet refuse their paunch to bear.
If a poor Boy sell his stoln Comb to buy
A bunch of Grapes, we blame him presently;
And yet that Bellie-slave goes blameless, that
To gratifie his paunch sells his Estate.
Besides all this, you are not the same man
For two hours space together, neither can
You tell which way to pass your time away
As you ought, when you have a leisure day,
But Vagrant-like you from your self do flie,
Sometimes with wine or sleep you vainly try
To ease your mind, but wheresoe're you go
Your guilty Conscience dogs and pricks you too.
Hor.
Where's e're a stone?—
Dav.
—At whom Sir would you throw,
If you could finde a stone?—
Hor.
'S death! where's my Bow?
Dav.
Alas! my Master's grown stark raging mad,
Or else makes Verses, which is full as bad!
Hor.
[Page 296]Get hence, or to my Farm else, where I have
Sent eight already, I'le send thee the nineth Slave.
SATYRE VIII. By I. W. Esq A description of an unhansome Treat.
HORACE and FUNDANUS.
Hor.
How lik'd ye wealthy Nasidenus feast?
For yesterday, intending you my guest,
'Twas told me you were there, and from noon too.
Fund.
Troth we were never merrier.
(Hor.)
As how?
(And if it ben't too troublesome) declare
How he receiv'd you; what your bill of fare?
Fund.
Our first encounter was a Lucan Bore,
Kill'd, the wind South, for so the Master swore;
About the Dish lay Lettice, Radish, Beets,
And such as whet the squeasie appetites,
As Skirworts, Pickled Herrings, and next these,
A Poynant sauce made of the Coan Lees:
This took away, two pretty Striplings come,
One wip'd the Table, t'other swept the room;
And, as you have seen an Attick Virgin go
To Ceres Sacrifice; straight other two,
A Black the one, brought each his basket in,
This full of Caecub, that of Chian wine:
When straight mine Host; Maecenas! if you like
A fuller bodi'd, or a greener, speak;
I have 'um both
(Hor.)
Poor wealth!—But prithee say,
What were your company?
(Fund.)
On the first bed lay
My self, next me Thurinus and below
Was Varius; On the second, Bal [...]tro,
[Page 297]With him
Vibidius, both
Maecena's guests;
On the third, lay the Master of the feasts
'Twixt Nomentan, and Buffoon Portius,
That swoops whole Custards, ere ye say, what's this;
For his sake, t'other came, who understood
The way of eating, and with his Finger cou'd
Point out each sawce, and what was in't; while we
Eat Fish and Fowl, and such like trumpery;
Though yet, the best in season, as the Plaise,
And Turbats Belly which he carv'd me, was.
Next, came the blushing Apples, gathered
The Moon encreasing; how they differed
From others, he can tell you best; when thus
To Balatro began Vibidius;
We've fed our selves top full, and now must die
Quite unreveng'd, unless we drink him dry;
And calls for bigger Glasses; at which word
Mine Host lookt, as he'd have sunk underboard;
So went and came his colour, dreaming least
T 'have met with such stiff Drinkers, or a jest
So home, but rather thought, t'ave seen his wine
Deaded their palats, for 'twas hardly fine;
But to small purpose, for the Rundlet now
Was set a tilt, and round the brimmers go;
Onely some one or two of the prime Guests
Made little spoil:—But see! A second Feast;
A Lamprey stretcht at length, swimming as 'twere
Amidst a shole of shrimps; On which, Mine Here
Cries note, This Fish was big with young when caught,
Or otherwise, 't'ad not been worth a Groat;
Then, for the rare Potage! But taste it pray!
The Oyl in it right Campania,
T'has more ingredients, as Caviare,
The best white Pepper, Lesbian vinegar,
[Page 298] Italian wine. (But this, I dare be bold)
Not a drop of 't was less then five years old;
All this was in the boiling (that once done
Pour that of Chios in, or better none:)
I was the first e're boil'd Elicampane,
And 'Ringoes in it; from Curtillus, came
Salt-water-craw-fish pickled, better far
Then such as brought us from beyond Sea are:
While thus mine Host, a piece of Tapstry's fall
Rais'd such a dust, it spic'd us, Dish and all;
We thought at first, 't' had been the house, but when
We saw there was no danger, chear'd agen;
But he (poor man) hung down his head, and cri'd
As if his Son had at that instant dy'd;
Nor gave he ov'r, till Nomentanus, thus,
Fortune our Foe, thou art a scurvy Puss!
Ah what a cruel Vixen th' art! ah how
Do'st thou delight to mock us here below!
'Twas even as much as Variu's Towel could do
To keep his laughter in, when Balatro
Gib'd on, And since the course of life is such,
We can't (quoth he) admire your pains too much;
Is't fit, to make me handsomely receiv'd,
You should disquiet your self, and thus be griev'd,
For fear the Bread be burnt, or the Potage
Ill season'd, to be sure that every Page
Perform his office right: add to all this
What other accidents may fall amiss;
As this' oth' Hangings was, or that a Clown
Should stumble in, and run the Cup-board down;
But (General-like) Masters of Feasts reveal
That temper by cross hits, the good conceal:
At which, mine Host, Gods blessing on your heart!
So good a man, and boon Companion th' art;
[Page 299]And with it clapt his Sandals on; when streight
There went a whisper round the beds. Hor. But what?
What laught y' at next? Fund. Vibidius cries, I think
The Bottles broke, that we can get no drink;
And while they laught at what was past, quoth he,
Balatro seconding, Mine Host for me!
How lively he returns! he looks as pert,
As if he'd help our late mischance by art:
Which said, his Boyes brought in a Charger fill'd
With several things; a Crane cut up, and grill'd
With Salt and Flower; and fed with with figs (to chuse)
The well grown Liver of a Milk white Goose,
The Shoulders of some Hares, by much the best
Of all the body, a broil'd Black-birds breast:
Ringdoves, their thighs cut off; things excellent
Had he not run so Damn'd a Lecture on't;
As the cause why, drawn from their Nature too:
But we reveng'd our selves, I'le tell ye how;
We did not taste one bit, but fled it more,
Then if a Witch had shook her Kercher o're.
The end of the Second Book of Satyres.