I. Whence is it that Wrath and Discord be­tween Husband and Wife doth arise?

1. ANger and Contention between Husband and Wife doth arise from a prevailing principle of flesh in the heart: a flesh­ly mind produceth much strife, and vi­olent passionate disturbances, 1 Cor. 3.3. For ye are yet carnal; for whereas there is a­mong you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men? The meaning is, the flesh prevails in them more than the spirit; the remainders of old Adam are very strong in them: that party [Page 2]that is touchy, and takes distast at every trifle, doth evidence, that much unmorti­fied corruption remains in that heart; and I say, when distast is taken at that which is not positive sin, then distast is taken at a trifle. Now when corruption prevails in the heart, it will break forth, and bli­ster upon the tongue, 'tis because a per­son is rotten in heart that he is rotten in language, as in Mat. 12.34. you may smell the filth of some mens hearts by their breath; and it is from this root, from this ground, that some persons are all for strife and debate: hereby strife is the very ele­ment wherein they live, and they live, and love to live, in troubl'd waters, yea also in the fire of trouble; they are per­sons of contentions. If their fleshly prin­ciple was not so prevalent, their passions would not be so violent: and it is sad when the strongest bent of some people are for strife, that they can discover the boisterousness of their spirits upon every frivolous occasion; and certain it is, that either Husband or Wife that is soonest angry with the other, is most carnal, for anger, wrath, variance, strife, contentions and hatred, are fruits of the flesh, and [Page 3]they are seldom separated, Gal. 5.20. So that a persisting in this disorder is a contri­vance to fulfil the inordinate motions of inbred corruption. Now passion and con­tention is usually accompanied with carnal emulations, litigious strivings for trifling matters, enmity, variance, a muttering of disgraceful and opprobrious words: These usually go together, and raise a tempest of wrath, and by that violent commotion the person is transform'd into a very beast; and these must needs be the fruits of the flesh, because they are directly opposite to the fruits of the spirit, which are love, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, meekness, &c. and those that bring forth the fruits of the spirit are able to mode­rate their anger, and can patiently bear, and forgive even many real injuries, and will not be provoked but for such just causes, and not more or longer than the word of God allows. So that it is evident that one ground of Wrath and Discord be­tween such near Relations as Husband and Wife, is the prevailing of a fleshly principle in the party that is more passio­nate.

2. Self-love is a cause of Wrath and [Page 4]Discord between Husband and Wife, where­by the one party so inordinately loves it self, that it hath no true conjugal love for the other, that he or she never thinks of the injuries and indignities which he or she offers to the other, or else will suppose them to be none, or else lightly esteem of them as not worthy the recital, on th'other side makes the party guilty of this self love or defect of conjugal love, heinously to a­gravate the injuries offered to its self, and so make huge Mountains of small Mole­hills, and causeth its heart easily to appre­hend the wrong, and to be busie in medi­tating of it, being apprehended, and then longeth for revenge one way or other, wishing some disaster to fall upon person, or name, or both of the other, and are glad to be freed any way from the relati­on, thinking nothing sufficient to make amends for so great an indignity offered one of such worth as the party fondly and falsly conceits it self to be. And if the self-lover hath not so much respect given as is expected, is presently provoked to a furious rage. When a Wife is mastered by self love, she over values her self, and under-values her Husband: she can wink [Page 5]at the injuries she offers her Husband, and put on spectacles of affection when she looketh on those wrongs which are offer'd to her, whereby it cometh to pass that every small matter seemeth a great inju­ry, and provoketh her to great anger; whereas if she thought meanly of her self, and lov'd her Husband as her self, she would not have suffered her self to be over-ballanced with the weight of self-af­fection in judging of the injury, nor in giving the reins to her anger to rise to such an h [...]ight. If the Wife had an endeared love for her Husband, her love would have more force to restrain her from reproach­ing and reviling her Husband, then any injury or seeming contempt of her could have to provoke her to anger. For love suffereth long, yea suffereth all things, and is not provoked to anger, 1 Cor. 13.4, 7. The prevailing of self-love, and the cooling and decay of conjugal love, is the funda­mental cause of all disturbances that are between Husband and Wife; and that party that is most passionate, hath least conjugal affection; and by want of this love, small matters do exasperate, and breed distast: and he or she that is most [Page 6]furious, is most faulty: For an Husband or Wife cannot have a bitter mind upon small provocations against one another, if they dearly love one another, and every thing that provokes is a small provocation, which is not a breach of Gods Law: And as they ought not to have a bitter mind, so where love is prevalent they cannot proceed to reviling words, or to averse­ness, or estrangedness, or any abuse of one another. And if a breach or wound be unhappily made, the balsamick quality of love will heal it: so that here you see that too much self-love, and too little con­jugal love, is another cause of discord be­tween Husband and Wife, and that party that is first provoked, and grows most furious, is most defective in Love.

3. Pride is another cause of Wrath and Discord between Husband and Wife: for it is the diseased temper of the heart that causeth dissentions, more than occasions or matters of offence do. A proud heart is troubled and provoked by every word or carriage that seems to tend to its un­dervaluing. A proud Woman is always jealous of her Honour and Reputation, is also very suspicious of contempt, so that [Page 7]the least seeming injury provokes her to choler and disdain, because she is ready to imagine that thereby she is exposed to contempt. Solomon saith, Only by pride cometh contention, Prov. 13.10. The mea­ning is, that Pride is good for nothing but to cause brawling, strife and contention. Pride alone of it self, without the aid of any other thing, is sufficient to kindle contention; yea, the wise man observed so much Strife and anger to come from Pride, as that he seems to speak as if Pride was the only cause of all braw­lings: so that the least spark of anger kindled with the smallest occasion, burst­eth out into a raging flame of fire, if it be blown with the wind of pride or self-con­ceitedness. A proud humour that would have all stoop to it, if it meet with the least seeming slight, is presently hurried with unquiet and turbulent thoughts, which are fit Harbingers to prepare a lodg­ing in the heart to entertain anger: And this is clear from the nature of Pride; for 'tis a fountain-sin, a root-sin, productive of many other sins; it nurseth, nourish­eth, and bringeth up many other sins, and it is the mother of these three very bad [Page 8]Children: First, It makes men and wo­men boast of Themselves, of their Wisdom, Parts, Accomplishments, and their Pedi­gree, as the proud Jews did when they were contending with Christ: Say they, We have Abraham to our Father: So some will say, I am the Child of such a godly Fa­ther: I was such a mans Son or Daughter, or such a worthy mans Wife, and shall I be slighted now? and so brings forth the se­cond Daughter Contention, and be wrang­ling with any one that crosseth the proud humour, fret at any thing that looks like an undervaluing, fume at, rage at, and revile any person that will not be obser­vant of their wills, and cannot endure to be hindred from insulting and comman­ding: And this being the humour of ma­ny Husbands and Wives, it produceth and nourisheth their passions. But the third Daughter of Pride is Contempt. Proud persons do despise and vilifie all whom they converse with: for some Wives de­spise their Husbands in their hearts, as Michal did David, that let Husbands car­ry it as obligingly as they can, yet be­cause their Wives do despise their persons, they will despise their actions, and so be [Page 9]angry with every thing that they do; they do despise their actions and company too with abhorrency, as the stomach doth meat which is offensive to it, and so like their Husbands like ill-savour'd meat. From this ground every thing that their Husbands say or do is offensive to them: so fly at them with bitter and reproachful words; but the truly humble woman is not provoked to anger, though she be neglected, because her lowly conceit of her self makes her to think that she is not worthy to be much esteemed, nor yet is she angry, tho' she hath received an in­jury, because she thinks she hath deserv'd it, either by like faults committed against her Husband, or more heinous sins a­gainst God: so that it is clear that another great cause of that Wrath and Discord that is between Husband and Wife, is the pride of that party that is most passionate; And it is evident from the Scripture, that Pride is the chief ground of sinful anger, if we read Prov. 21.24. Proud and haugh­ty scorner is his name who dealeth in proud wrath. So much inordinate passion as one hath, so much pride he or she hath; for pride is as much seen in frowardness and [Page 10]passion as in any thing, and there is a pro­portion between sinful passion and pride in every ones heart; and that man or woman that hath a passionate spirit, hath a proud spirit, let them seem to be never so humble in other things; for the truly humble Soul is of a meek spirit, for Christ joyns meekness and humility together, Mat. 11.29. Learn of me, for I am meek and lowly. I shall evidence to you in these following particulars how passionate and angry persons are proud persons, and how pride raiseth their angry passi­ons.

First, Proud persons are impatient of being contradicted in their speeches, be they right or wrong: You must say as they do, and not gainsay them. So if pas­sionate persons be opposed in what they say or do, they are in a flame presently. An angry person cannot bear the least contradiction.

Secondly, Pride makes persons unchari­table and censorious: They extenuate o­ther persons Virtues and good Works, and suspect ungroundedly their sincerity: They will vilifie others, and give them [Page 11]disgraceful terms. Thus will passionate persons do: They will judge the party that they are angry with, as a vile, base, unworthy person, and censure him for an Hypocrite, void of all inward and real good.

Thirdly, Pride causeth men and women to hate reproof. Those that are proud are forward in finding fault with others, but love not a plain reprover of themselves, as in Prov. 15.12. A scorner loveth not one that reproveth him. They can easily en­dure to be evil, and do evil, but not to hear of it. So passionate persons impati­ent of admonition, they will not endure to be told of their faults: They storm and rail at every reproof that is given them; their spirits are too hot to be told of their faults.

Fourthly, Proud self-conceited persons are ever talkative persons, and more de­sirous to speak than to hear: They will suffer none to speak but themselves, be­cause such think always highly of their own understandings. So angry persons rage if any offer to discourse in their pre­sence; if any presume to speak, they take exceptions at every word. If their [Page 12]passions are high, their first word of com­mand is, Hold your peace, and say no more, or be gone out of the Room. They cannot endure the company of those that will adventure to reply to any thing they say: They are too high to be answered again, though by their Equals and Superiours, and this kind of passionate rage is the ef­fect of Pride.

Fifthly, If proud persons be wronged, they look for great submission before they will forgive: you must lie down at their feet, make very full confession, and be­have your selves with very great sub­mission, or they will never pardon the of­fence you have done them: But if they have wronged others, they are hardly brought to confess that they have wrong­ed them, and more hardly brought to be so humble as to desire a reconciliation. Thus it is with angry persons: while anger lasteth, no persuading them to pass by a wrong, but if ever they do forgive, it must be upon the humblest submission that may be, but never acknowledge any wrong that they do: Whatever abuse they do of­fer to another, is justified as well done. Such do think that they can do nothing. [Page 13]amis, and thus you see how pride, passi­on and frowardness do go together, that a contentious person is a proud person, and cannot put up injuries, and foul words. He that is of a proud spirit stirreth up strife, Prov. 28.25. What is peoples wrath? what are their scorns, their rai­lings, and endeavouring to vilifie those that have offended them, but the some and vomit of their Pride? It is so contenti­ous a sin, that it makes Men and Women firebrands in the Societies where they live: There is no quiet living with them longer than they have their own saying, will, and way. They must bear the sway, and not be crossed; and when all is done, there is no pleasing them; for the missing of a word, or a look, or a complement, will catch on their hearts, and raise their fury. As a little spark on Gunpowder will make it flame, so the least conceit of a disrespect offered, doth disturb their peace, break their sleep, and cast them into a Feaver of passion. There are seldom any hot contests between Husband and Wife, but Pride doth occasion them. All the passionate, angry, irreverent, insulting, and insolent carriages of a Wife to an Husband, are [Page 14]from the pride of her heart, and hence it is that Pride makes Men and Women an­gry: Pride makes them think themselves superiour in worth and goodness to any; so they think that they are too high to have their wills crossed by any; and say, Shall I bear such a thing from thee, poor pi­tiful Creature? And then proud persons think themselves so good, as they can ne­ver deserve any cross from another, and that whatever they do, deserves not con­tradiction at all; whereas they are ready to make mis-interpretations of any thing that another doth, but think that they can justifie every thing that they do: So that whatever is done by another that sutes not with their proud humour, puts them into a fiery passion presently; for proud spirits make their wills to be the rule of their actions, and they would have it to be a rule of all other mens acti­ons too: and such when their wills are opposed, cannot but be froward, and highly displeased. Also proud persons think nothing too mean for others to do, and so would fain put their Equals, yea their Superiours, to do such things as they scorn to touch; and if they be not [Page 15]complied with presently, they are in a flame of passion, and are froward and contentious presently: and thus you see how Pride doth bring forth anger, fro­wardness and contention.

IV. Foolish niceness breedeth choler: for if you come into the house of one who is nice and curious, you shall easily per­ceive how soon she is incited to great an­ger upon a little cause. I instance in the Female Sex, because they are more influ­enced by niceness and curiosity than men, and therefore by it they are mostly pro­voked to fretting discontent. If the decking and adorning, ordering and cleansing of their house, be not fully answerable to their minds; if a spot or wrincle be upon their Garments, they are inrag'd with an­ger, that the house will scarce hold them, or at least not contain their clamorous voices. Those curious folks are not only offended with injuries, but also with sha­dows and appearances. Such can carp at Gestures of the Body that they do not like, and fret at the words of their Husbands because they do not think them respect­ful enough to them. They judge their [Page 16]language rustick, and their carriages clownish, so are in no way genteel enough to please their humours, and upon this account fall into such a rage of passion, as if they had received some mortal wound. They are so prying and quick-sighted, that they will espy some things amiss, by which they will alarm the whole Family and break their Husbands and their own Peace: If a failing be ever so little, they cannot overlook it. and be more en­raged that some small Family-concern is neglected, then that their Family-worship is omitted, whereby they can strain at Gnats, and swallow Camels, Mat. 23.24. They can storm at small offences committed against themselves, and take no notice of great wrongs done to God. Whereas others, who have not their minds effeminated with this nice curiosity, can easily pass over such trifling imperfe­ctions, and repel anger in far more vio­lent assaults: So that a Wifes niceness in finding great fault with every frivolous matter, doth occasion much jarring and hot contests betwixt her self and Husband, whereby a small spark of distast doth kin­dle a flame of a violent passions.

V. Lightness in believing what comes to the ear, and listning to tale-bearers, doth raise. Discord and Strife between Husband and Wife. Prov. 26.20. Without wood the fire is quenched, and without a tale-bearer strife ceaseth. So that as wood is the fires fit nourishment, so is a tale-bea­rer fit to beget and nourish anger between Husband and Wife; yea, a tale-bearer doth raise contention so high, as to make a Separation between Husband and Wife, as Solomon saith, A whisperer separateth chief friends. When an Husband or Wife gives a credulous ear to the lying sug­gestions of a pickthank tale-bearer, they will be incens'd to such rageing anger, that a great matter will not be sufficient to quench the heat thereof. There have been manifold experiences of great evils which have followed credulity, and listning af­ter tale-bearers. David giving ear to the false report of Ziba, was moved to unjust anger against innocent Mephibesheth. There is no greater firebrand in the world than a tale-bearer. One Neighbour comes to a Wife, and saith, Your Husband was at such a place, spent so much money there, [Page 18]spake such and such words there, did such and such actions there. The Wife pre­sently believes it, and is in a rage pre­sently. Some Servants will tell their Mi­stress, My Master did thus and thus, and said so and so of you. Credit is presently given to the information, and the flame of passion is presently kindled, though if the matter were rightly enquired into, the information would prove false. Some Wives will search and enquire after mat­ter to feed their passions, and enquire of their Servants What is your Master doing? what did he say of such a business? and if they be informed that he said or did any thing cross to their humours, or contrary to their approbations, their Spirits are hot presently, and you may see violence and fury in their eyes. If an Husband or Wife will give credit to every story that a tale-bearer brings them, they shall never live at peace with one another.

VI. A peevish, froward, humorous con­stitution is another cause of Anger and Discord between Husband and Wife, and so they will be angry at bare surmizes, when it is nothing but a surmize or fancy [Page 19]that they make and propound to them­selves, and thereupon let out their anger, like the Dog that barketh at the shining of the Moon. Hence many are angry at their own fancy. A pettish froward heart will create causes of anger to it self, when there are none; nay, the power of their peevish and pettish humours is such, that they are angry for every thing. Every trifle, every toy, any thing in the world that falls out in the least manner against their minds, puts them into an anger. And indeed when Husbands or Wifes an­ger comes to be common upon every trifle, it makes their anger contempti­ble, and no one cares for it. Some think to gain more Authority in their Family by their anger, and make others more con­formable to them by it; but in truth it makes themselves the more despised. You shall find your froward furious persons, that they will be angry with irrational in­sensible Creatures, and a pettish and fro­ward Wife will be angry with one for the fault of another: If a Child displease her, she will be angry with her Husband. Some persons have such froward and fretful natures, that they have Gunpowder-Spi­rits, [Page 20]that as soon as any thing displeaseth them they fly in the faces of their nearest Relations: They are like dry wood that have all the Sap and Juice out of it, as soon as ever the fire comes to it is all on a flame: So Husband and Wives that have hasty natures, Sapless, and void of true Wisdom, as soon as ever they have any occasion, but a little fire, a little occasion, they are all on a fire presently. Persons that are of froward and peevish dispositi­ons will manifest their anger before any body, never considerihg whether it be a convenient season. The Husband will vent his anger against his Wife, and the Wife vent her anger against her Husband, tho' in the presence of Children or Servants, and through the violence of their passions they care not what time they vent their revilings and reproaches: And such furi­ous persons will upbraid one another with their failings, whoever be present; they will not allow time to confider inconve­niencies, they are of such hasty Spirits, and so will belch forth their passionate expressions in hast. Also persons of cho­lerick Spirits they have no command of their Spirits to get them down when they [Page 21]are once up. Though the winds be still, the waves of the Sea are up and down a great while after: So it is with Husbands and Wives, when there is occasion to stir up their hearts to anger by reason of their froward peevish natures. Though they have that which satisfies them, yet they cannot be quiet for all that, but they are (like Salamanders) in the fire continually. There are many Husbands and Wives that have Dog-days all the year long. You know we have Dog-days in one time of the year, but they last but a little while; but indeed such Husbands and Wives that have humoursome natures and dogged dispositions, have always Dog­days: there is nothing but frowardness, wrangling and jangling between them all the year long; so that in many the heat of anger is in their hearts like the fire of Hell, that is unquenchable: If once their passion is up, they will never have done, as if the fire of Hell were in their hearts; and though there may be yielding to them, and a forbearing of all words that may feed their passions, yet nothing will quench them: And it is certain, that ma­ny that have suffered their passion and [Page 22]anger to arise unjustly and foolishly, and are convinced in their own consciences that there is no sufficient cause for their anger, yet they will continue in their an­ger, and abide in it, that they might not seem to others to be angry without a cause, and they are loth that the distem­per of their hearts should be discovered. And also it appears that an Husband and Wife is sway'd by a peevish, froward, cholerick nature, when they can let their anger rise to its utmost height for a very little offence, that which would not be taken amiss at all by a person of meek Spirit. Also persons are sway'd by a cho­lerick nature, when they do manifest bit­terness of Spirit in their anger: This bitter­ness of Spirit consists in this, when one is provoked, and passion is up against ano­ther, they care not what provoking spee­ches they use towards others, grating up­on their Spirits such things as they know before, or at least hope will provoke them, and this they do very eagerly: Whereas one of a meek Spirit will be ve­ry loth to provoke any one; and if there be any means to reform another without manifesting the passion of anger, he will [Page 23]do it▪ he will try all means of reformati­on before he will be angry. I say, though a meek person be justly offended by ano­ther, yet if he can reform him with sweet­ness of carriage he will do it: but the hearts of many Husbands and Wives are like a Spunge filled with Gall and Vine­gar; if you do not touch it nothing will come out, but nip it between your fingers and it will presently come out in abun­dance: so many hearts, if you do but nip them as it were between your fingers, the Gall will presently drop down, they will presently be angry, as it is with ma­ny bodies, a cholerick stomach will turn all meats, and make them to be bitter to them; and so it is with such Husbands and Wives that have cholerick Spirits, the distemper of their hearts turn every thing into bitterness, and if any thing be done unto them that doth displease them, they'll go and chew upon it; and so imbitter their own Spirits by thinking what wrong the other hath done him or her. A bitter Pill must not be chew'd, but swallowed down whole: so when there is any thing done amiss to Husband or Wife, the wrong in­deed is a bitter Pill, and should be swal­lowed [Page 24]down. No marvel if every cross is so bitter if it be chew'd and meditated on. Again, it is evident that an Husband or Wife is master'd by a cholerick distem­per, if either of them be of a fierce dispo­sition, and indeed we may call such hare­brain'd Christians, that are fierce and furi­ous upon every occasion. An angry per­son is more furious when only a seeming injury is done to him or her, than when a real injury is done to God: so that many times some peoples passions makes them like a furious mad Dog, that when it sets on an object it cannot be called back. Oh! the anger of froward peevish Spirits is very unruly: so that such angry per­sons have not only their passions grow to bitterness, fierceness and unruliness, but to Cruelty: they have passion without compassion; and many times the rage is so great, that the Wife (that is so much inferiour to her Husband in strength) will not only give provoking speeches, but blows also. She will flie at his head, pluck him by the hair, strike him on the face, and throw any thing that she hath in her hand at his head: Indeed here is an evi­dence of a cholerick temper. But certain­ly [Page 25]all the anger of an Husband or Wife that doth not aim at the good of the party that he or she is angry with, is sinful an­ger, and is the effect of a furious disposi­tion. And thus I have shewn you as brief as I might the usual grounds that occasi­on wrath and discord between Husband and Wife.

II. I come now to shew the evil of Wrath and Discord between Husband and Wife, in these following particulars.

1. THe gratifying an angry passionate humour produceth abundance of evil effects. All other passions do but draw men and women to evil, but anger doth precipitate them. If any thing be the principle of evil, it is a froward Spi­rit which is the principle of anger: And therefore let us consider the essects of fro­wardness and passion, to see how much hurt it doth to the Souls of men and wo­men.

1. W [...]n an Husband or Wife is angry, it doth mightily blind the judgment of that party that is so, and blind reason excee­ding much. The hart of passion, the fire of passion, when it is kindled, causeth a great smoak to come up to the under­standing and judgment, and even extin­guish reason: Other Passions stray from Reason, but this treads it under feet, and leads it as it were in tryumph. When once such near Relations as Husband and Wife are stirred, are froward, and in an­ger, they do things so irrationally, that one can hardly think them the same men and women that they are at other times, it doth so take away their reason. The man or woman that is froward cannot have any counsel, but run headlong, yea, run in a rage to such and such things, and know not what he or she saith or doth, be­cause while passion is prevalent he or she hath no use of reason or understanding. Passionate persons are rash and inconsiderate, they act without deliberation, they run head­long, Job 5.14. That is, they go too fast forward; and they who will not take time to consult of what they are about to do, may have time to repent of what they [Page 27]have done, and all this happeneth because the passion of anger causeth a cessation of the exercise of reason. Other things may dazle the sight of reason, but this makes it stark blind, and for a time maketh men and women as it were distracted, and out of their wits. Anger having obtained the sover [...]ignty over their minds, taketh away all judgment, counsel, and reason, and over-swayeth all by foolish affection and raging passion, and by darkening reason. It is a kind of short madness, saving that here it is far worse, in that the person that is possessed with madness is necessarily (will he, nill he) forced to be subject to that fury; but a sinful angry passion is entred into wittingly and willingly. Mad­ness is the evil of Punishment, but Anger is the evil of Sin. Madness as it were thrusteth Reason from its Imperial Throne, but Anger abuseth Reason, by forcing it with all violence to be a slave to Passion, so fit to execute those works of darkness in which Rage imployeth it. Well then, O Husband! or thou, O Wife! seeing thy im­moderate anger is an injury to humanity, and a Rebel against the Government of Reason, that it is without Reason, and against Rea­son; [Page 28]Remember then that thou art a Man, or Woman, and do thou scorn to subject thy self to such bestial fury. O with how much attentive care should st thou avoid anger: and notwithstanding provocations offered thee, do not disturb the quiet of thine own mind. Therefore give not way to anger, seeing it blindeth reason, which is the light and guide of the Soul. If men abhor Drunkenness, and that worthily, because it maketh them differ from bruit Beasts only in shape of body: why should'st thou not for the same cause hate this Vice of Anger, which like a burning Ague doth so disturb thy mind, and while the fit lasteth it uttereth nothing but raving? Do not then nourish thy froward humour, nor give way to thy wrath. Be not of an hasty Spi­rit, whereby thou art guilty of such rashness and fierceness in all thy actions, because those furious actings are so contrary to right Reason.

2. Another effect of Anger and Discord between Husband and Wife is, that they are great enemies to the quiet of their own hearts. An angry passion is a great disturber of a man or womans own peace. That we may say of it as the wise man [Page 29]saith of Cruelty. Prov. 11.17. He that is cruel troubleth his own flesh. So those that are of froward Spirits, they trouble their own flesh, and trouble their Spirits too: It doth macerate and vex the Soul with fury; for what greater torment can we imagine, than to have the mind distracted upon the Rack of Rage? As therefore we would account him a mad man, who with his own hands should set his house on fire, and consume it, alike mad is that person to be thought, who will set his or her Soul on fire with the rageing flame of anger, wherein it is not only tormented in this life, but also (without Repentance) in the life to come it shall be tormented everlastingly. Rage and fury tortureth more than wrong or injury! Hereby men and women prove burdens to themselves, and hence it is that an angry Husband or Wife cries out, No one is so plagu'd as I am, I know no body so crost as I am, because in­deed they are plagues to themselves and crosses to themselves, they having no quiet in their own Spirits, nothing without is quiet to them. If we could look into the bofom of an angry person we should find that there is no such discontented Spi­rit [Page 30]as an angry Spirit is; such an one would fain have his or her own will; but sailing herein, in spight of his or her heart there will be nothing but confusion and trouble in his or her Spirit. Immoderate anger hath proved an enemy to the body it self: it inflameth the blood, stirreth up diseases, and breedeth such a bitter dis­pleasedness in the mind as tends to consume the strength of Nature, and hath cast ma­ny into accute, and many into chronical sicknesses, which have proved their death. And how uncomfortable kind of death is this? Well then, let the party that is most overcome by this passion say, What good do I get by this passion? What! had it not been better for me to have put up this wrong, than endure such vexation to my self, and be guilty of doing my body so much prejudice as to cause me (if I continue my anger) to fall into the Diseases of Melancholly, Frenzy, Madness, Apoplexy, Palsie, and Falling-sick­ness, which are the usual effects of this pre­vailing Distemper of furious passion? O then shall I be angry upon every trifling occasion, and offer my body and spirit such great inju­ries? No, I will not; for I cannot pretend to hope for any inward or outward comfort by [Page 31]my anger; nay, my passion doth not only im­pair the health of my body, but mightily deform my body: it deforms my countenance, and takes away the amiable sweetness of it, which appeareth in a calm and loving tem­per. I should loath my self, should I view my Picture while I was in my fury, before the frowning wrincles and inflamed blood had returned to their place, and had left my vi­sage to its natural comliness. Is it not then better to forget injuries, pass by wrongs, bear with some opposition, and deny the gratifying of my will, than do my Body and Spirit so much prejudice, and lose that contentment and sweetness, that by meekness I might en­joy, and lose that inward peace and satisfa­ction of mind that otherwise I might have, or deprive my self of that beauty and com­liness, that otherwise I might preserve? O then, God forbid that I should gratifie my angry humour.

3. An angry person is very troublesom to others, even to the whole Family where­in that angry person dwells, and all those that do converse with him or her, When the Husband or Wife is angry or froward, O how extremely burdensom is [Page 32]he or she to that Family; that Solomon saith in two places, Prov. 21.9, 19. that it is better to dwell on the house-top, or in the Wilderness, than to dwell with a brawling woman in a wide house. She is such a vexa­tion to all those with whom she dwels. He instanceth in a woman, because that Sex is most subject to this brawling kind of life: They are most apt to be angry and contentious. An angry Husband or an angry Wife is a torment to all those that live in Family; and therefore the Holy Ghost by Solomon saith, in Prov. 22.24. Make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man thou shalt not go. There is no good to be gotten by the company of one that is usually angry upon every trifling occasion: There is no peace to be enjoyed in angry persons company. A froward Spirit troubles his own house; and consider what is said of such an one in Prov. 11.29. He that trou­bleth his own house, shall inherit the wind: that is, as he or she hath been a trouble to his or her own house, so God should blast that person in all his or her ways. Indeed passion is so troublesom between Man and Wife, as they can hardly dwell [Page 33]together under one Roof, because they spend a great part of their life in trou­bling one another. By their passions they are vexatious to one another, and in their house it is stormy weather all the year long, that it is a very rare thing to enjoy any calm weather in the Family where angry persons dwell. Hence it is that Husband and Wife can seldom eat their meat together at one Table without quar­relling, because their lives are so uncom­fortable one to another, their company is very uncomfortable to others. Passion is an unruly thing, and therefore trou­blesom where-ever it comes. And wilt thou then, O Husband or Wife! cherish that evil humour in thee, that will make thee a burden to all that converse with thee? If thou continuest to be angry upon every slight opposition or contradiction, thou wilt be had in contempt of all that are near thee: they will despise thy per­son, because thou dost break their peace, and depriv [...] them of their quiet. So then if thou hast any desire to preserve the peace and quiet of thy house, and have any esteem of those that live with thee, do thy utmost endeavour (by the assi­stance [Page 34]of the Spirit) to mortifie thy angry passions.

4. The prevailing of anger and con­tention between Husband and Wife doth destroy their love: there is thereby a great decay of the affection of love, and an augmentation of the passion of hatred. Anger makes persons guilty of slighting, despising, disrespecting and undervaluing those they should highly value, love and esteem; and this appears in the following particulars:

1. When persons are enrag'd that Gods Providences do thwart their humours, they are offended and displeased with God, and their love to God doth very much abate; for where love to God is ardent and prevailing, there every Provi­dential act of God is kindly accepted, and taken in good part. Such persons as love God, are well pleased with every dispen­sation of God, and are contented with e­very condition God puts them in: but when they are offended that God doth not give them every thing according to their own will, when they do not like of Gods [Page 35]disposing of them in this relation, or in this condition of life, and in this place of habitation; and begin to vex and fret themselves, be angry, and in a furious passion, that God doth not order things to their liking. Then their murmurings and repinings, their vexing and fretting, their disgust and discontent, their anger and displeasedness of mind, doth excee­dingly abate their affections to God. They begin to disrespect God more and more; they entertain conceits as if God did do them wrong in not ordering all things according to their humour; in their an­ger murmur that God yoked them to such Consorts, wishing that God had o­therwise disposed of them. And knowing that all conjugal Relations are of Gods ordering and appointment, they com­plain highly as if he had dealt injuriously with them in appointing such a Relation for them; and hereupon their love to God declines, and they care not for Gods company, slight those duties and services wherein they [...]ight converse with God, and are more displeased with the seeming offences they pretend are done them by their Husbands and Wives, than for the [Page 36]neglect of Gods worship, and indeed love grows cold to one whose company is not delighted in, for all persons take delight to be much in company of their beloved, and when Gods company is not prized, he is not loved.

Now, seeing anger and discord doth lessen peoples love to God, it must needs be the greatest evil, as it doth cause a de­cay of love to the chiefest good. The want of love to God is the most comprehensive and odious sin, it is the life of all particu­lar sins. To be defective in love to the God of love, the fountain of love, the fe­licity of the Soul, is a sin not to be par­doned to any till it be repented of, and partly cured. Therefore stay, O man, or O Woman! to what an height doth thy angry passion make thee to ascend? Dost thou not tremble to think how much thou dost provoke God, when thou dost in thine anger slight and disrespect God, and art angry with God be­cause thou art displeased with thy Husband or with thy Wife, and because Gods Providen­ces do not sute thy humour. If his anger be dreadful when kindled but a little, what is it then when kindled very much? Here is the sad effect of thy being angry with thy [Page 37]Husband or Wife: thou then ventest thy fro­ward humour upon God, and beginnest to quarrel with God for ordering such a Relati­on for thee, and beginnest to abate thy respects to God, and carest not to exercise thy self in those exercises wherein thou mayest enjoy Gods company. Do not then feed thy angry passions, whereby thy heart is so much estranged from God, and whereby you thrust God from your hearts. Oh how should'st thou loath thy violent passions and contentions, when thou considerest how they deaden thy affections to God! May not God justly thrust thee from his presence, when by thy wrath and fury thou dost thrust him frrom thy heart? If thou would'st pre­serve in thee a principle of prevailing love to God, endeavour after meekness and quietness of Spirit. As Husband and Wife are the nearest Relations, let them not be jarring and quarrelling one with another.

2. The prevailing of furious angry passion in a person doth abate true and real love to it self, By the rashness and inconsiderateness of peoples wrath, they manifest no pity to themselves: Through the violence of anger how many have been cruel to themselves! they wound [Page 38]themselves, and must not that be dread­ful that makes persons offer violence to themselves? Persons in their anger are not sensible how much mischief they do themselves: They will not allow them­selves time to deliberate or consider of the prejudice that comes to themselves, by giving way to their anger, by neg­lecting to endeavour to suppress it. O what cruelty is this for persons to vex and torture themselves! O then what an heinous evil is it for people to let anger to rest in their bosoms. Bethink thy self, O Man, or O Woman, of the danger of letting thy Spirit [...] to be enraged with passion against thy nearest Relation for every trifle; Thou thin­kest only to manifest the height of thy displea­sure against thy Husband or against thy Wife, but indeed thou dost hurt thy self, and dost evidence that thou hast so little love to thy self, as thou hast no tender regard of thine own good. If thou didst really love thy self, thou wouldst carefully avoid whatever did prejudice thy self; thou wouldst faithfully watch against every thing that would break thy peace, or deprive thee of thy amiableness, or deform thee with a tart, s [...]ire, and furious countenance. And as hereby thou dost make it [Page 39]appear that thou dost not love thy self, by un­dervaluing a calm and quiet spirit, so there­by no body will love thee. Thy passions do cause others to cease manifesting respects to thee; they make others to slight thee, and shun thee. If thou canst not live in quiet with thy Husband or Wife, no body will esteem thee: so then passion and contention between Husband and Wife must needs be a very great evil.

3. Anger will abate thy love to the person that thou art angry with. The de­cay of thy love to the party with whom thou art angry, doth appear in mis-inter­preting his actions in the worst sense, rai­sing contention from suspicion or imagi­nation, inventing causes of displea­sure where none are. Thus by anger charity is notably violated, for love suf­fereth all things, therefore their love is small that will suffer nothing. Love co­vereth a multitude of sins, they there­fore that find faults where they are not, rather than cover them where they are, do plainly shew their want of love to the party with whom they are angry. It is the nature of love to make great faults [Page 40]seem little, and little faults none at all: but when a persons anger makes every slip in his or her Friend or Relation a capital offence, then there appears a great decay of love. When a person apprehending it self highly wronged by another, doth presently begin to slight that party, that person doth manifest more displeasure against the person he or she is angry with, than the offence, and hath no love at all for him. Such is the violence of passion, that there is scarce any other affection so strong, which it doth not easily subdue. Love is said to be stronger than Death; yet anger, if it be once admitted to rage, easily overcometh it: Persons then forget the love of the Relation that they are in. In anger Wives speak to their Husbands as if they had no kind of superiority at all, or as if God had not set them over them any way; so own neither subjection or reverence to be due unto them, and so causeth them, instead of the duties of love, to bring forth the fruits of hatred. When the furious flame of anger is kindled in the hearts of some people, they care not what reproach they cast upon, or any o­ther prejudice that they do unto those [Page 41]that they should love as themselves. In­deed this is the evil effect of anger, that it inclineth persons to hurt them that make them angry, that it putteth hurting thoughts into their minds, and hurting words into their mouth, and inclineth them to think, or do some mischief. And wilt thou favour that passion that tends to ex­tinguish thy love to thy nearest and dearest Relation, that makes thee neglect to manifest those respects that be long to thy Husband or to thy Wife? If thou art a Wife, anger will put thee upon usurping authority over thy Husband, denying subjection to him that the w [...]r [...] of God requires; make thee insolent and in [...]verent, and herein it makes thee oppose the word of God, which commands thee in all things to acknowledge thy Husbands superio­rity, by being obedient to him in all things in the Lord, that is in all things that are not po­sitively sinful. If thou wert humble and meek, thou wouldst not be of such a captious, contentious and wrangling disposition, but o­ver-look those failings that provoke proud spi­rits.

Thus it is evident how anger hath a tendency to extinguish the love of God, for the love of God will not kindle and [Page 42]flame in an unquiet breast. It makes men and women fret against God, and murmur at his Providences, and makes them dis­contented with that state, and Relation he hath put them into, and that it abates peoples love to themselves, and makes them desperate in their ways, makes them ready to mischief themselves, that is, makes them run upon such ways and courses as are likely to prove mischievous to them, without all love or pity to them­selves. Be not then such an enemy to thy self, as to nourish such fiery passions in thee, as will do thy self the greatest pre­judice. Also anger abates peoples love to their nearest Relations, makes them en­tertain jealousies and suspicions which feed their anger, makes them take in ill part every light action, and so their hearts grow estranged from their dearest friends, and have their nearest Relation in con­tempt. Thou then that d [...]st find thy self by nature pr [...]ne to anger, labour earnestly with thy self that thou maist contain thine anger for a longer time. Enter into a resolve in the strength of divine assistance, that whatever occasions may be offered thee, yet thou wilt re­frain to manifest thy wrath and displeasure, [Page 43]and so by little and little thou shalt attain an habit of patience and meekness.

5. In those that are guilty of much fu­rious passion, their anger doth cause a­bundance of sin, as in Prov. 29.22. An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression. Anger is the door and gate of Vice, and therefore the Psalmist saith, Psal. 37.8. Cease from anger, leave off wrath, fret not thy self to do evil; as if he would imply that to abound in anger is to abound in sin, and it cannot be but a person must be guilty of much sin, that lives in fretting passion and in­ward unrest. More sin is committed by a person in a fit of passion in one quarter of an hour, than a meek-spirited man commits in a quarter of a year. Moses in his zeal for God broke the two Tables of Stone whereon the Law was written, and sometimes passionate and angry peo­ple in their wicked heats of spirit break all the ten Commandments, and in most fits of passion they break in pieces most of the Commandments of the second Table. Peoples vile, wicked and sinful lusts, when they are pleased, stir not. But when once [Page 44]the heat of anger doth arise, that warms these lusts; they then (like Snakes war­med with the Sun) hiss and spit upon those that are about them. When there is a Land-flood that the Brooks get over the banks, and over-flow the Meadows, they carry with them a great deal of soil, and a great deal of filth.

Thus it is in an over-flowing of all affe­ctions, but especially in the over-flowings of the affection of anger there comes a great deal of filth along with it; for when once by rage the eye of reason is blinded, the angry person is easily led into a gulph of all wickedness. He that is of an hasty spirit exalteth Folly, Prov. 14.29. that is, exalteth wickedness. When persons are quick, and short of spirit, they are trans­ported into many indecencies, which dis­honour God, and wound their conscien­ces. If men and women do not check their precipitant motions, by delay and due recourse to reason, they will be guil­ty of abundance of wickedness. For mo­tions vehement, and of sudden eruption, run away without a rule, and end in folly and inconveniency. Prov. 14.17. He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly. By frequent fits of [Page 45]passion anger is concocted into malice, which doth evidence a very wicked dispo­sition, and is found only in the most de­praved natures. James saith, cap. 1.20. The wrath of man worketh not the righteous­ness of God; Intimating that it is so far from working righteousness, that it wor­keth all manner of evil. There is in a per­sons anger somewhat of rage and vio­lence, which vehemently exciteth the person to act, and taketh away the rule according to which he or she ought to act: So anger causeth peoples conscience to be stanied with the impurities of their lives.

1. Violent passions cause Men and Wo­men even to flie in the very face of God, and walk frowardly towards him, which God complains of in Isa. 57.17. And went on frowardly in the way of his own heart. When every Providence doth not suit with persons humours, or if their Husbands or Wives do cross them, they will be in a pet­tish humour against God, fall out with God for permitting such things to befall them; and so out of a pettish humour they lay aside, and have no mind to set up­on [Page 46]any duty that they owe to God. And when Gods dealings are at any time op­posite to thy will, and permits any to molest thee, thou complainest that God hath dealt hardly with thee. Certainly there must needs be a very malignant hu­mour in thee that makes thee act thus frowardly against God; and how sad is it for men and women by the violence of their passions against their nearest Relati­ons, to act frowardly against God? O thou Husband or Wife! thou art angry with thy Husband or with thy Wife, and wilt thou manifest thy frowardness against God? and because thy Husband provokes thee, wilt thou provoke God? because he injures or wrongs thee, wilt thou injure and wrong God? What infinite unreasonableness is this? What boldness and presumption is this? There is so much evil in it as is impossible for any to utter, it is so abominable.

2. When men men or women are in fits of anger one with another, when the Wife falleth out with the Husband, the fear of the great and dreadful Majesty of God, the infinite God, and the dreadfulness of the fear of God is all gone, and she is bold [Page 47]upon sin, she cares not what she saith or what she doth, she fears not Gods displea­sures while the fit of passion and conten­tion lasteth, for the fear of God is to de­part from evil, and there can be no re­straint from sin when that is gone. In peoples fits of angry passions their re­proachful and reviling speeches do much dishonour God, and their actions flatly oppose his will. While they are angry they do not stand in awe of God, and thereby their unruly Lusts are let loose, running up and down doing mischief, sin­ning against God and their Brethren. In­deed the gratifying of passionate humours doth make persons cease fearing God; in fearlesness of God is a mighty pro­voking sin. See what Almighty God saith in Jer. 5.22. Fear ye not me, saith the Lord? will ye not tremble at my presence? And in verse 24. Neither say they in their hearts, Let us now fear the Lord our God. And in verse 29. Shall I not visit for these things, saith the Lord? shall not my soul be avenged on such a Nation as this? O then be sensible what great provoking sins anger and contention do occasion?

6. Husbands and Wives by the frequen­cy of their angry passionate fits make themselves all their lives contemptible to others. Some Husbands and Wives think to be terrible to others in their passion, but they discover so much folly, as that they make those that they are angry with to despise them: They may think to gain the more authority, and make others stand more in awe of them, by their being an­gry with them; but they see so much rash­ness and distemper in their passion, that nothing deprives them of their authority & respect more than this constant passion of anger, when small matters puts them into a fiery sit. Indeed if persons did but observe their shameful carriages when they are in passion after they were come to their right minds, and in a calm frame of spirit did but consider how much they were disdained and contemned for it, it would make them ashamed of their an­ger. However, many are angry because they would not be despised, but keep o­thers in subjection to them; yet nothing in truth doth work base esteem and dis­regard in the minds of those that they are [Page 49]angry and displeased with, than immode­rate and common anger. Frequency of Husbands and Wives passionate fits migh­tily blazeth abroad, and discovereth their shame and folly, which occasioneth their contempt, as Wisdom causeth Honour and Respect. When Husbands and Wives an­ger, and (the effects thereof) clamorous brawling, and sometimes fighting, are u­sual and common, as well for trifles as weighty matters, persons do desperately contemn both, when they have no hope to prevent either. If thou, O Husband, or O Wife, would'st have the better'dness of thy displeasure, have any effectual operation upon the mind of the party with whom thou art displeased for the purging away faults and vices, thou must manifest thy displeasure as the Physicians administer strong Physick, only upon extraordinary cases; for if Physick be commonly taken, it will have no extraordi­nary effect. If thou dost habituate thy self to the use of Physick in a common way, as thou dost thy food, it will not benefit thee in times of sickness; so if thy anger be frequent and common, it will neither do good to thy self or another; it will not be regarded. The fre­quent brawlings of an angry person do [Page 50]but make him the scorn of others. That person that will not let pass any rumour or report that is spread of him or her, without reasonings and stir, doth expose him or her self to the more reproach: for they that cannot rule their own spirits, deserve no respect, because (as Solomon saith, Prov. 25.28.) He that hath no rule over his own spirit, is like a City broken down, and without walls; who is able to defend himself against no assaults, there­fore every one slights him.

7. If an Husband or Wife doth manifest much passion, frowardness, and discontent against the other, the prevailing of such corrupt humours will hinder the angry, froward, and discontented, contentious, wrangling person from doing any good. A person in a froward temper is excee­dingly indisposed to any good work. When thou wilt seem to aim at the glory of God, and yet wilt shew thy self very passionate, know God hath no need of thy wrath: It is true he hath need of thy Zeal, but that is not thy wrath and passion, to break out in outragious speeches, or railing bitter language; God hath no need of this wrath of man. Let persons have ne­ver [Page 51]such excellent parts, yet they will not be able to do any good almost, if they be froward; but they are like unto a Candle wet with salt Brine, they spit up and down, and are very unuseful in the places where they live.

1. The prevailing of anger in any per­sons, the indulging and gratifying an hu­morous spirit, indisposeth them to do good to themselves. Angry persons will be a­verse to commune with their own hearts, and to consider their own ways, or to search out their own disorders of life. The Wife is so transported with disgust a­gainst her Husband, that she apprehends to have displeased her, that she can think of nothing, or talk of nothing, but what may vilifie or reproach her Husband; she will not do so much good to her self as to try whether those carriages correspond with the Divine rule, whether she can ju­stifie what she saith or doth to her Hus­band by a warrant from Gods word. She will not consider whether she hath not been transported into indiscreet and inde­cent excesses, or whether she would not have condemned such violent heats in [Page 52]another as she hath manifested. What I speak of one Sex here, I intend of both; so I proceed. Peoples frowardness and passi­on hinders them from doing good to them­selves, as to farther the convincing them­selves of the evil that they have done, and bringing them to repentance for it. And wilt thou then dare indulge thy angry passions, that make thee uncapable of doing thy self good? Most men aim at self-interest, self-advantage, and self-applause; but thou by thy passions dost disable thy self from doing any act advantagious to thy self, either to promote thy spiritual good, present profit, or present credit. Surely that temper of spirit must needs be very evil, that hinders thee from do­ing good to thy self.

2. Thy frowardness and angry passion, thy contentious wrangling spirit hinders from doing any spiritual good; it indispo­seth thee for performance of any spiritual duty to God; it makes thee averse to con­verse with God, and unfit to serve God in a right manner; it is an hindrance of ho­ly Prayer. Angry persons cannot call upon God in a serious spiritual manner, because their hearts are carnal, earthy, [Page 53]and poysoned with self-love; nor will God hear them if they call upon him. Anger hinders persons in all ordinances, it makes them the most unfit persons in the world for to pray: therefore the Apostle saith in the 1 Tim. 2.8. I will therefore that men pray every where. How? lifting up holy hands, but without wrath. O Husband! or O Wife! thou must be sure when thou liftest up thine hands to prayer, that there be no wrath in thy spirit, that thou do not go to prayer in a passion. Angry passionate Prayers are vain Prayers. The Lord loveth zeal, and much warmth of affection in prayer, but he cannot abide wrath or the least spark of passion in prayer; a peaceable heart is as necessary in prayer, as a pure hand. When a Wife coming to God in prayer, hath I know not what wrathful disputes within her self against her Husband, how can she look for a gracious acceptance with God? the like may be said of the Husband. Will the Lord be pleased with those that nourish secret displeasure against their nearest Relation? No, no, furious and unquiet thoughts must be laid down by those that would have favour with God, and compassions from God. If persons [Page 54]would compass Gods Altar, and there of­fer up the Sacrifice of Prayer and Thanks­giving, they must first wash their hands in innocency, Ps. 26.6. And our Saviour Christ commandeth, that before persons offer any gift unto the Lord, that they seek to be reconci­led to the party with whom they are displea­sed, Mat. 5.23. So long therefore as any continue in their anger, they are unfit to pray; and this appears most manifest­ly in the fifth Petition of the Lords Prayer, where we desire to be forgiven as we for­give, Mat. 6.12. And again, our Saviour Christ doth single this out of all the other Petitions; but if you will not forgive men their trespasses, no more will your Father forgive your trespasses. They who are su­ing for and expecting favour and mercy from God, have need to discharge them­selves of all wrath and displeasure towards men. And the Apostle Peter in the 1 Ep. 3.7: exhorts Man and Wife to live toge­ther in love, that their prayers be not inter­rupted. Jarrings between such Relations do hinder their praying together to any good purpose; therefore if you would be fit to go to God together for mercy and favour, beware that you carry no wrath [Page 55]in your hearts towards one another, for then you will be sent empty away: And is not that a very great evil, and too bad to be harboured in the hearts of Hus­bands and Wives, that will hinder them from enjoying fellowship and acceptance with God in prayer, that will either make them cease to pray together, or if they do pray will make their Prayers vain and fruitless, as passion and discord usually doth? Also anger and discord is a very great evil in hindering Husbands & Wives to do good, by unfitting them to come together to the Sacrament of the Lords Supper. I question not but many angry Husbands and Wives are convinced in their own consciences that they ought not to come to the Sacrament in a passion, when they are angry with one another; they know they must lay aside wrath and malice then, and be in charity with all persons. Hence many Husbands & Wives will rather lose a Sacrament, than come in a passion. Many will say, I could not come to the Sacrament because my Husband and I fell out, or my Wife and I fell out: Now this is a vile thing, that when there is a Sacrament that Men and their Wives [Page 56]are convinced that they ought to come unto, but the breaches that are between them hinder them. So many men and women by giving way unto their passions are unfit to hear and read the word, unfit for any act of obedience of the Divine Will, unfit for any act that hath a ten­dency to promote the Glory of God. So that the violence of passion doth hinder Men and Women from doing of any spiri­tual good.

3. Passion and frowardness doth hinder Husbands and Wives from doing good to one another, in disables them from admo­nishing one another of any fault, because an admonition is to be administred in a spirit of meekness. A furious person is ve­ry unlikely to convince another of sin, neither hath such an one any heart to give another whom he or she is disgusted with, any spiritual counsel. That secret prejudice which is harboured in the angry persons breast, hindereth him or her from doing any offices of love for his or her nearest Relation; but instead of doing such a Re­lation good, will do him or her the grea­test prejudice that may be done. Angry [Page 57]persons are no way servicable to the good of others, rather offering indignities than kindnesses to them. Here is a sore evil indeed, that angry Husbands and angry Wives are neither serviceable to God, themselves, nor one another. O then do not let thy passion rage for every trifle: thou then makest thy self unfit either for the ser­vice of God or man; and what a sad thing is it to be a useless Creature, not capable of doing any good! Oh then it is a sad and sore evil to be an angry, passionate, froward, and contentious person.

8. Anger, passion and frowardness of spirit hinders persons from receiving any good. A froward spirit is unfit to take in any good; there is no dealing with angry and froward Spirits when they are in their fits, as there is no Physick to be gi­ven to a man when he is in the heat of his Feaver, so there is no meddling with angry persons when they are in a flame: You must come to them when they are quiet, or else you will not be able to do them any good; and indeed this is the horrible distemper of this passion, that God and man must stay till it be down, [Page 58]that God should not only wait on persons to do them good, but also wait upon their wicked, vile, base Lusts, that he must stay till they are over before they are fit to hear him speak to them. Now it is a meaner thing to wait upon a persons hu­mour, than to wait upon the meanest Creature in the world. When the fire of anger is kindled in peoples hearts, they are fit to hearken to nothing; their souls are on fire, and not fit to hear any thing: thus mens angry passions hinder them from receiving good. And angry person is impatient of admonition, which is or­dained of God as a means of their recove­ry from sin. Angry persons will flie in the face of a reprover; they cannot en­dure to have their ways and actions found fault withal; the more you endea­vour to convince them of their sin, the more they are exasperated; the more you persuade them from their evil course, they grow the more furious in their passi­on, they are not fit to receive any good counsel; while they are angry they are obstinate and resolute; if you smite with a Reproof, 'tis as if you had struck upon an Anvil, it makes no impression on them. [Page 59]And also anger is the cause that the word of God becometh unprofitable. Anger causeth men to entertain the truths of the word of Life, as wind in the stomach doth wholsom meat, that will not suffer it to enter. Those that will benefit by hearing Gods word, must be slow to wrath, James 1.19. For anger hardens the heart, that the Seed of Life cannot take root, or leave impression, yea it makes resistance to the Work of Grace. Those Spirits in whom there is a wrathful fierceness, rise up in rage against the Word of God. Angry Spirits think that the Minister raileth, when he doth but discover their guilt to them; so peoples passions stir them up many times to a fierce opposition of the Truth; but let such consider, that their perverse opposition with be their ruine, as in Luke 7.30. they rejected the counsel of God against themselves, that is, to their own loss. Though anger may not altogether hinder or keep them back from hearing, yet it will fully hinder them from pra­ctice; for then only persons receive good by the Word, when they practice what they hear, when they are doers of the word, and not hearers only. O Husband! or O [Page 60]Wife, dost thou observe what an hindrance thy froward and passionate spirit is to thy re­ceiving good? Indeed it is a sore evil to in­dulge thy self in that humour, which resisteth those means that should do thee good, whereby tho receivest no benefit by any means that is used for thy good; yea, the allowing thy self in thy passions doth deprive thee of the good thou hadst before; thou art not only hin­dred from receiving more good, but thou shalt lose even what thou hast.

It is reported that some Pearls may be dissolved by Vinegar; so there are many excellent things in men and women, but they are dissolved by the Vinegar of passi­on: the Vinegar of passion doth stain the spirits of men and women, and causeth them to lose that Beauty that they had be­fore, yea, to lose much of the sweetness of the enjoyments of God himself, yea, it makes them lose the sense of Divine Love. As we cannot discern the Sun when we are near a scorching fire, so the Heavenly heat of Divine Love is not felt, if the furious flame of anger be kindled in peoples hearts. Froward Christians have little sense of Gods love towards them. O then, [Page 61]O Husband! or O Wife! Do thy continual brawling hinder thee from receiving good by admonitions, counsels, and all ordinances, and make the means of Grace ineffectual to thee? Do they deprive thee of the good thou hast, and deprive thee of the light of Gods counte­nance? Do they cause the withdrawing of the light of Gods countenance? O then, what an evil thing is it for thee to be angry with thy Husband or thy Wife upon every trifle! Thus I have opened the great evil of con­tentions between Husband and Wife, in shewing the evil effect of their anger and discord between each other.

2. Consider, O Husband! or O Wife! Anger is a sore evil, because thy angry fits of passion do grieve the spirit of God. Though by venting the froth of thy froward passionate spirit thou may'st please thy self, yet thou grie­vest the Holy Spirit. It is an ill thing to grieve thy friend; and indeed none are more grievous to their dearest Friends and nearest Relations, than froward and passionate people. When thy Friend comes to thy Family, and sees thee in a froward and passionate temper, it grieves him, and thou grievest the heart of thy Husband: It may be also he goes and com­plains [Page 62]of it to God, and thou grievest thy Friend, and he complains of it: but this is worst of all, thou grievest the spirit of God. When thou art in a fit of passion, the Spirit of God goes away to Heaven sadly, as it is in Ephes. 4.30, 31. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice. The Apostle unto that command, grieve not the Spirit, immediately subjoy­neth this, let all bitterness, &c. be put a­way; intimating that otherwise they could not cease from grieving the Holy Spirit.

Here are mentioned various degrees of anger, and every one of them doth grieve the Spirit. By bitterness of Spirit is under­stood the lowest degree of sinfui anger, and also by Bitterness is understood all secret smothered displeasure, and alienation of affection, which hath more of discontent and grudge than of revenge. The next degree is wrath, or fierceness of Spirit, which is an impetuous rage, and passionate commotion of the heart and affections, upon the sense of an apprehen­ded injury, preventing and obstructing the use of reason; and in some it grows to a desire of revenge, and a fixed resoluti­on [Page 63]after deliberation to have that desire satisfied. In some anger breaks out into boisterous words, loud menaces, and other inordinate speeches, which are the black smoak whereby the fire of anger and wrath, kindled within, first manifests it self, and then anger proceeds to evil spea­king, uttering disgraceful and contumeli­ous speeches, by which the party incensed doth endeavour to stain the reputation of him who hath seemed to have offered him or her a wrong: Of this sort was Saul's anger, 1 Sam. 20.30. Now all and every degree of anger doth grieve the Holy Spi­rit of God, and darken much the Work of Grace in the heart; there being no sins more opposite to the fruits of the spirit mentioned in Gal. 5.22. Then those sins are so, that where such sins are given way, Grace must needs be on the decay­ing hand. O the prevalency of sinful pas­sion is very injurious to the Spirit of God! it grieves the Spirit so much, that he will withdraw his motions, his guidance, assi­stance, and comforts from angry persons. O then, if thou would'st not grieve the Spirit of God, lay aside all bitteresns, wrath, and anger, &c. Consider what an heinous evil [Page 64]anger, wrath, and frowardness of Spirit is. Thou dost not only by thy passion grieve thy Friend or near Relation, but also the Spirit of God: and wilt thou be so ungrateful as to grieve that Spirit that hath done thee so much good, that is appointed by the Father and by Jesus Christ to be thy Comforter, even the Comforter of thy Spirit. If thou hadst an in­genious Spirit, thou would'st think it an ill thing to grieve thy Friend, and if thou hea­rest thou hast done that which hath grieved him, in will grieve thee exceedingly. O then, how should it tr [...]uble thee and grieve thee, that when thou art in an angry passion thou dost grieve the dearest Friend thou hast in the world, thou dost grieve the holy Spirit of God.

3. O Husband! or O wife! by thy gi­ving way to excessive anger, thou dost give place to the Devil, Ephes. 4.27. Thou dost cast open the doors to Sathan, the ca­pital enemy of thy Soul, to enter thy heart, and incite thee by his uncessant suggestions to act some mischief. As Sa­than is dethroned and shut out of the hearts of all true believers, and though he shall never reign over them at his plea­sure, [Page 65]yet he is daily watching & searching out, if it were but the narrowest passage, and least opportunity, whereby he may again re-enter his old possession, and ex­ercise his former Tyranny: and where excessive or sinful anger is not only given way to, but also continued in, there doth Sathan get an open door to settle himself in the heart, and exercise his power, by inciting the person guilty to commit more wickedness. A furious angry person is the prey of Sathan: for this raging pas­sion having put out the eye of an angry persons reason, Sathan makes him a fit in­strument for his own business: so that un­advised anger is a notable means that Sa­than useth to work some persons destru­ction; for when once rage hath blinded the eye of reason, he can easily lead a per­son into a gulph of all wickedness. O then, if thou dost permit anger to rage in thy Spirit, if thou dost nourish thy fro­ward humour, and art so often conten­ding with thy Husband or with thy Wife, thou dost gratifie thy self exceedingly, thou dost do as he would have thee, thou dost give him a welcom entertainment in thy heart. Alas! how canst thou fancy [Page 66]such a monstrous Fiend. as to comply with his suggestions! Be not so vile a wretch, as to be kind to the mortal enemy of thy Soul. His design is to have thee angry, and so contentious, that he may hinder the exercise of thy reason, and so make thee unreasonable in thy actions. O then, when thy anger begins to rise, suppress it with this consideration, If I give way to my anger, I please no one but the Devil, all others except the Devil are displeased with my anger and frowardness. That act must needs be dreadfully evil which the Devil doth re­joyce in the doing of. What a sad wretch wilt thou evidence thy self to be, in de­spising the counsel of God, and following the Devils! God bids thee not to be of an hasty spirit, but to forgive the trespasses of thy Brother; and the Devil tells thee, Be not such a fool as to pass by such wrongs, or suf­fer such opposition: and wilt thou slight God, to hearken to the Devil? shall the Devil prevail more with thee than God? Wilt thou shut the door of thy heart against God, and open it to let in Satan? Then thou makest thy self a Child of the Devil, and not a Child of God; and in thy rage and fury dost resemble the Devil, who g es [Page 67]about like a roaring Lyon, seeking whom he may devour.

4. Persons by their sinful anger, their contentious wrangling and frowardness of spirit, do subject themselves to the wrath of God, and bring his curse upon them; yea, their anger brings upon them even in this life the dreadful effects of Gods anger. O thou angry Husband, or angry Wife! if thou dost not repent thee of thy sinful anger, frowardness, hastiness, and touchiness of spirit upon every trivial oc­casion, God will deal with thee in his an­ger, as thou would'st deal with thy Hus­band or Wife in thy anger: for as we for­give others, so doth God forgive us. If therefore thou retain thine anger towards thine Husband, God will retain his anger towards thee. The Lord acteth the part of an Umpire, to make up breaches, heal differences, and make reconciliation be­tween Relations; but if either of them be so stiff and contentious, that he or she will not be reconciled, what doth that party else, but by froward behaviour and ob­stinate stiffness refusing the Lords arbitre­ment and determination, make God his [Page 68]enemy? Eliphaz tells Job, cap. 5.2. Wrath killeth the foolish man: That may be taken two ways very true; the wrath of God kills or destroys the wrathful, rash, and inconsiderate man, that hath no true go­vernment of himself; for anger resteth in the bosom of fools, Eccles. 7.9. or the angry man kills himself; his own wrath is as a Knife to his throat, and as a Sword in his own bowels. Wrath properly is anger inveterate; Wrath is a long anger. When a man or woman is set upon it, when the Spirit is steeped or soaked in anger, then it is wrath: but in this place I conceive it notes a fervent heat, and distemper of Spirit presently breaking forth, or an ex­treme vexation, fretting or disquieting within, as in Psal. 112.10. The wicked shall see it, and be grieved. That is, he shall have secret indignation in himself to see matters go so; he shall gnash with his teeth, and melt away. Gnashing of the teeth is caused by the vexing of the heart, and therefore said he shall melt away, which notes an extreme heat within; so that a persons wrath makes him or her melt a­way, as we say of a person furiously vex'd, it melos his (or her) grease with cha­fing. [Page 69]This is an effect of Divine displeasure, whereby God in judgment doth suffer peo­ples wrath to be so vexatious to them, that it makes their lives a continual death to them, and at last so weary and wast their spirits, that they die for very grief; and except the Lord be merciful to them, and the death of Christ heal the wounds that their anger and impatiency have made, they will murder their own Souls; for ever frowardness and anger is a per­sons sin and torment. For People tare them­selves in their anger, Job 18.4. The more fretful people are, the more miserable do they make themselves. Those that are of wrathful spirits will certainly feel some de­grees of the wrath of God either in this life, or in the life to come. That must needs be hurtful, yea mortal to men, that carries in it a resistance to the immortal God. Some anger is not only grief for the opposition that persons meet with, but a kind of stomacking at God who permits them to be opposed or crossed, and tho' they do not confess it to be so, yet the spi­rit of God knows it to be so.

Now know that the wrath of man a­gainst man is a sin which God will punish with further wrath. God will powre out wrath upon wrathful persons: and it ap­pears that the wrath of man stirs up God to punish man, if we observe what the Apostle saith in Gal. 5.15. If ye bite and devour one another. What is this biting and devouring? that is, every act which is op­posite to that love which God commands us to exercise towards our Neighbour, or our near and dear Relation, is a biting and devouring. We bite and devour one a­nother when we are unkind, wrathful and vexatious one to another. See what fol­lows as the effect of their passionate and froward carriages one to another. Take heed ye be not consumed one of another. Take heed lest by walking so unlike Chri­stians, and so unanswerable to the Law of Gospel-love, you provoke God to kindle such a fire among you, and in you, as may prove an utter consumption. When Hus­bands and Wives are not careful to walk together in love, as Christ hath loved us, God sometimes (as an evidence of his wrath and displeasure) gives them up to [Page 71]a spirit of contention; and their breaches are like the Sea which cannot be healed. Their cruel and harsh dealings (which are yet but to the vexing and healing of one anothers spirits, or to devouring and eat­ing one anothers credit) may provoke such Judgments as shall destroy their Per­sons, Families and Estates, until nothing be left. Thus peoples peevish, froward and angry carriages to such as are their nearest Relations, provoke God to execute re­venges on them. When an Husband or Wife is fierce towards the other, God is angry with that person, and will not suf­fer that person to live in peace, who hath so much love to dissention; and this Judg­ment of God upon persons, is both the fore-runner and demonstration of further, yea, the final Judgment: And so saith So­lomon, in Prov. 19.19. A man of great wrath shall suffer punishment. And Christ denounceth great Judgment against unad­vised anger, in Mat. 5.22. He that is an­gry with his brother without cause, is in dan­ger of judgment; intimating, that rash an­ger is a capital offence, and doth bring a person under the severe sentence of Gods Judgment. In the latter part of the verse [Page 72]Christ saith, That if a persons anger break out in disrespectful speeches the sin is the more capital, because such an one gives words of disdain. Whosoever shall say to his brother, Racha, shall be in danger of the Councel: but if anger and disdain proceed so far as to reproach a brother yet more despight­fully, and call him Fool, then that person shall be in danger of Hell-fire. Consider then, O Husband, or O Wife! the dreadful effects of thine anger, wrath, and frowardness. It subjects thee to the wrath of God, and Oh! what punishments, what consuming judgments doth Gods wrath bring forth! The wrath of God may be specificated into any Judg­ment, it produceth every evil. If Gods wrath be kindled but a little, if it be but as a spark, it will quickly grow up to a flame and consume all, as in Numb. 16.46. Mo­ses bids Aaron hast to make the Attone­ment, for (saith he) wrath is gone out from the Lord, the Plague is begun. But know, the wrath of God is not a passion in him, but an action towards man: He acts as men when they are angry, but he suffers nothing by his anger: He smites, and wounds, and pulls down, and destroys, like a wrathful man, yea, an enraged [Page 73]man, yet he doth this in the exactest frame and sweetest composure of his Spirit. But the wrath of God is only his holy and most blessed will burning with hatred against sin, especially the wrath and dis [...]entions of such near Relations as Husband and Wife; and so he turns away from such in his high displeasure. And as the wrath of God draws out punishments, so thy angry, froward, pettish humours, draws out the wrath of God. The wrath of God is ter­rible, and that must needs be a terrible evil that provokes God to powre it out. Will it not then be grievous to thee to be­hold the appearances of the wrath of God against thee, and smart under the kind­lings of Divine displeasure? O who can abide the coming of the Lord with con­suming fire! A fire kindled only to con­sume, is dreadful, as in Isa. 10.17. The light of Israel shall be for a fire, and his holy One for a flame, and it shall burn and devour his thorns and his bryars in one day. That is, the fury of the Lord shall appear against those, that like bryars and thorns in their anger and contention do prick and scratch one another, though in a strict [Page 74]sense it relates unto Gods consuming the Assyrians who plagued the Jews. Should not then the terrible wrath of God (that thy furious spirit brings upon thee) scare thee from cherishing thy passionate and froward humour? If thou retain thine anger against thy Husband or against thy Wife, God will settle his wrath upon thee. O think upon this, O Husband, or O Wife▪ when thy choler begins to rise, If I give way to mine anger, I do but call upon God to powre down his wrath upon me.

Before I proceed to give directions for the subduing, bridling, and preven­ting wrath and dissention between Husband and Wife, I shall endea­vour to manifest which of them is most principally faulty in causing heats and dissentions between them, which of them is most faulty in be­ing angry and froward; and that in these following particulars:

1. THat person that in his or her anger doth by expressions manifest a con­tempt or undervaluing, or a want of af­fection to the others person, is principally faulty in being angry, and is indeed an­gry immoderately, and without cause; for a well-grounded anger doth manifest displeasure against anothers offence and sin, but not against the persons offending, endeavours to make faulty persons asha­med, but not a shame. That Husband that doth in his anger and furiousness of spirit call his Wife Where, doth indeed evidence a contempt and hatred of her person; and [Page 76]that Wife that doth call her Husband Rogue, Knave, and cheating Fellow, or o­ther opprobrious terms, doth really hate her Husband, and is principally in fault when a difference doth arise between them. Also that person that doth obsti­nately refuse to give due conjugal re­spects to the other, doth evidence a con­tempt of the others person, and is guilty of its own anger, and of the strife that is stirred up between them.

2. That party that keeps in memory, and repeateth over old things that have been the occasion of contention a long time before, is guilty of sinful anger, is the promoter of new passions, and is the cause of the present discord; for such a party doth deliberately endeavour to raise new strife and contention: for as former pro­vocations ought to be forgiven, so they ought to be forgotten. Prov. 17.9. He that covereth a transgression, seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter, separateth very friends, even such near Friends as Hus­band and Wife: And usually that person that frequently repeateth former transa­ctions, hath a prejudice against the party [Page 77]of whom and to whom he or she repea­teth the matter, and by additions and pas­sionate perversions aggravateth the things that are so repeated. So either the Hus­band or the Wife that makes a fresh re­hearsal of old matters, doth but increase his or her own fury, and fully evidence his or her own faultiness.

3. That party that doth in anger up­braid the other with natural Infirmities, or with such failings as he or she was (through the power of temptation) overtaken in, by a surprize, and doth it in a vexatious way to cast a slur or dis­grace upon the other, is chiefly faulty in raising discord between them, and is guil­ty of sinful anger, being the duty of Hus­band and Wife to forbear every thing that may cause any breaches between them.

4. That Wife that doth divulge her Husbands miscarriages to any third per­son, and talk in company what evil he hath done, is really and principally the kindler of her own causeless anger, and the only occasion of discord between her [Page 78]and her Husband; for that Husband that doth manifest anger against his Wife be­fore others, or that Wife that is discove­ring her fiery disgust of spirit against her Husband when others are present, that she cares not at what time she vents her self, though it be at such a time that she is like to do no good with it. This thy vio­l [...]nce of passion doth evidence, that thou art the alone cause of thine own anger, because such near Relations are bound not to divulge the dishonourable failings of each other. The Reputation of thy Husband or thy Wife must be as dear to thee as thine own. It is a sin­ful and unfaithful practice of many, both Husbands and Wives, who among their Companions, and also amongst their Ser­vants, are opening the faults and infirmi­ties of each other, which they are bound in tenderness to cover, as if they percei­ved not that by dishonouring one another they dishonour themselves. They twain being but one flesh, the dishonour of one is the disgrace of the other. Love will cover a multitude of faults, 1 Pet. 4.8. Nay, ma­ny disaffected peevish persons will aggra­vate one anothers faults behind their backs to strangers, and sometimes slander [Page 79]them, and speak more than is truth, and this is the effect of that persons sinful an­ger and displeasure against the other. Many a man hath been put to it to vin­dicate himself in a publick way, to clear his good name from the slanders of a jea­lous and passionate Wife. An open ene­my is not capable of doing so much wrong to him, as she that is in his bosom, because she is easily to be believed, as be­ing supposed to know him better than any other: therefore that Wife that is not tender of the Reputation of her Husband, but in her anger will speak things before others that tends to his disgrace and re­proach is certainly guilty of sinful anger, and the cause of all the discord that is be­tween them.

But perhaps she will say, My Husband hath spoken words to others in his anger, that tended to my disparagement; and why may not I speak words to others that are dis­honourable to him?

In answer to this, Know, that the sin of thy Husband cannot justifie thine own sin, neither is that a good Argument to justifie thy offending God, because thy Husband of­fended God likewise. It may be thy Hus­band in his hast did once unadvisedly speak something to thy dishonour, but thou mak'st it a frequent practice upon every slight occasion of thy disgust: Thy Husband may have desi­sted such a practice, but thou continuest it; and in excuse of the continuance of thy sinful practice in reproaching thy Husband, thou dost upbraid him with that single act of spea­king something that was not honourable to thee, which perhaps by thy untoward carria­ges thou might'st give him great provocations to do. So that notwithstanding all that thou canst plead for thy self, thou art the alone cause of thine own anger, and of all the strife that happens between thy self and Husband.

5. That party is truly guilty of sinful anger, that takes distast at every frivolous matter, or any thing done unadvisedly, and through indiscretion, which the party offending doth acknowledge; that doth rage for a trifle, or things not worth ta­king [Page 81]notice of, that are not at all offensive to God, but only not correspondent to his or her corrupt and imperious will. That party that doth this, is the sole cause of all contentions that do arise between them.

6. That party is guilty of sinful anger, that when contentions do arise at any time between Husband and Wife, that doth first of all give railing, reviling, filthy, and reproachful language; for no persons anger can be lawful and holy, that doth not observe Christian modesty in abstai­ning from malicious and wicked speeches, and unjust and spightful actions, in ex­pressing his or her anger; for such as ju­stifie themselves with spightful and bitter speeches, are not at all guided by the spi­rit of God. It is usual when an Husband or Wife is causelesly angry, and cannot convince the other of any particular of­fence against God, to rail at the other for some contempt that he or she apprehends to have received from the other. And in­deed none are more injurious to others, than those who rail at others in reproach­ful speeches for pretended injuries to have [Page 82]received from others, that revilers pride hath occasioned his or her own anger, and promoted the discord between them.

7. That party that doth most justifie his or her anger, that like Jonah saith, I do well to be angry, and will not be con­vinced of the evil of his or her anger, but will make vain and frivolous pretences to excuse it, is principally guilty of sinful anger, and is principal causer of the dif­ference that happens between them, as Husband and Wife.

8. That person, either Husband or Wife, that after some heats and differences be­tween them, is most backward to the per­formance of Family-worship, and will or­der, or set about any unnecessary business or lawful employment to interrupt it, is guilty of sinful anger, and the only occa­sion of difference between them. For what­ever a person hath done that indisposeth him or her, or maketh him or her averse to the service of God, is sinful. When the rage of one is grown so high, as not to pray with the other, or joyn in Sacra­ments together, at least not willingly, or [Page 83]with complacency, but after hath joyned in prayer will quarrel at the matter of Prayer, carp at expressions used in Pray­er, and censure the party praying guilty of hypocrisie, or if the party praying vent his own passions in Prayer, that par­ty that is guilty in any of these respects, is guilty of sinful and causeless anger, and was the only cause of the difference that happened between them.

9. That person is the most faulty per­son, and most guilty to sinful anger, which is not willing to be reconciled again when once displeased, but will retain anger a great while; that person doth manifest much stoutness and proudness of spirit. When vain trifles have stirred up an Hus­band or Wife to wrath, his or her perse­verance in it, doth evidence that it did seem to begin without a cause; and so against all reason the injustice of his or her anger makes him or her to persist in it with the greater obsti­nacy; and therefore thou dost retain it, yea encrease it, because thou may'st not seem to others to be angry without a cause, and that the greatness of thine an­ger [Page 84]may make others believe that it could not choose but arise from a weighty occa­sion and just cause, and so thou dost choose rather to seem just, than be just. But the continuance of anger must needs be sinful, because the Apostles injunction is, that we must not let the Sun go down up­on our wrath, Ephes. 4.26. That person that can lie down and sleep, and awake in an angry fit, is very faulty in being angry, and is the principal cause of the difference that is continued between him and his Wife, or her and her Hus­band.

That party, either Husband or Wife, in whose bosom anger is permitted to rest, is guilty of the greatest folly, Eccles. 7.9. That woman that is in a burning fea­verish fit of anger for a long time, is cer­tainly sinfully angry, because there is a great evil in this abiding of anger. In­deed the longer anger continues, the more it grows, and the longer time an­ger is drawn out, the greater distance thou wilt be at from thy Husband, with whom thou art angry, and thou art one that delightest to drink of no other wa­ters [Page 85]but of Massah, Meribah, of the waters of strife and anger long retained, is in dan­ger of receiving some sowerness of malice from the dregs of thy corruption.

The continuance of this inhumane fu­ry hath dissolved even the most sacred friendship upon very frivolous occasi­ons.

I come now to give some Directions for the preventing, moderating, and suppressing angry fits that usually arise between Husband and Wife.

1. ENdeavour in the way of God the mortification of that prevailing principle of flesh that is in thee, if thou would'st be restrained from thy violent passions. So long as the flesh is deeply rooted in thee, it will bring forth its fruits; and anger, wrath, malice and contention are the fruits of the flesh. If thou would'st not have such ill fruits come forth from thy flesh, endeavour always to destroy the root of thy corruptions; for the wea­ker thy fleshly principle is, the seldomer wilt thou be moved to anger. The mor­tification of in-dwelling sin remaining in our mortal bodies, that it may not have life and power to bring forth the deeds and works of the flesh, is the constant duty of believers. In-dwelling sin is the same which I mean by a fleshly principle. Now the more powerful thy corruptions are, [Page 87]the more violent will thy passions be, which are the off-spring of thy in-bred corrupti­on: Thou canst not (while in the body) utterly destroy in-dwelling sin, that it should have no more hold at all, no re­sidence in thy heart; but this thou must aim at, and earnestly desire: thou must with thy heart really desire that in-dwel­ling sin should leave neither root or fruit in thy heart or life. Therefore the morti­fication that I press thee to set upon, is an habitual weakening of in-dwelling sin, that thou may'st not be so much under the power of a strong bent and inclination unto sin, that it may not have such life, power, vigour, promptness and readiness to be stirring. This mortification that I here intend, is a daily endeavour after the weakening and abolishing of in-dwel­ling sin by little and little, that it might not incline thee & imploy thee with such efficacy to make thee a servant to it, as heretofore. If thou let the root of thy corruption abide in strength and vigour, it will be still bringing forth new fruits of the flesh, and thou wilt be hurried into violent passions upon every slight occa­sion. Ane if we see persons raging in [Page 88]wrath and fury, we may conclude that in-dwelling sin is in its full power and vi­gour in them.

Now, thou canst not carry on this work of Mortification, except thou art ingrafted into Christ by Faith. I do not say, Except thou art assured of it, but Thou must be indeed a true believer, because mortification is not done without the aid of Gods Spirit, who is promised to do it, and all other means are vain without him. Now the Spirits aid for the work of morti­fication is not gained except we are in Christ by Faith, and when we are in Christ we have the Spirit, and so have po­wer for mortification. All attempts then for mortification of in-dwelling sin with­out an interest in Christ, are vain; for there must be first Conversion and Faith in Christ, then mortification will ensue. Know then, that sin cannot be killed with­out an interest in the death of Christ, or mortified without the Spirit. Thou then being a believer, make daily and sincere opposition of in-dwelling sin; rise then mightily against the first movings and acting of thy corruption, against its first [Page 89]conceptions; let it not have allowance from thee for one step, for it is impossible to fix bounds to it. If thou findest thy corruption to begin to entangle thy thoughts, rise up with all thy strength a­gainst it, with no less indignation than if it had fully accomplished what it aimed at, else it will get ground in the affections to delight in it; and if thou findest it too powerful an enemy for thee, set Faith on work in Christ for the killing of thy sin. His blood is the great sovereign remedy for sin-sick Souls. Fill thy Soul with the due consideration of that provision which is laid up in Christ for this end, that thy corruptions may be mortified. Behold the Lord Christ that hath all fulness of Grace in his heart, all fulness of Power in his hand: He is able to slay all thy cor­ruptions, there is provision enough in him for thy relief and assistance. Then raise up thy heart by faith to an expecta­tion of relief from Christ, and thy Soul shall be satisfied with the relief it expects, he will assuredly deliver thee, he will slay thy corruptions. Mortification of sin is one peculiar end of the death of Christ, which shall assuredly be accomplished by [Page 90]it. And this whole work that I am pressing thee to endeavour after, is effected, car­ried on, and accomplished by the power of the Spirit in all the parts and degrees of it; and that thou may'st have more power to oppose and weaken the power of thy corruptions, beg of God earnestly for Christs sake to give thee his Spirit. O then, is it from the corruption in thy heart that thy passions break out against thy Husband or against thy Wife in thy life? Is it thy corruption that makes thee froward and contentious, that makes dis­cord between thee and thy Husband? Then bend all thy strength against thy corruptions, by the aid of the Spirit en­deavour the mortification of the deeds of the flesh, Rom. 8.13. Before the strength of thy corruption is weakened, thy anger and frowardness will not be prevented; for as the motions of original sin are per­manent, thou wilt not be rid of the body of Death, until the death of thy body; so they are exceeding violent and impetuous in their operations, and puts people into violent passions upon small occasions. If thou dost not oppose thy corruptions, thou dost not endeavour to prevent ti [...]y [Page 91]breaking out into furiousness of Spirit. Keep down then thy in-dwelling sin, and thou wilt not have such hot contests with thy Husband or with thy Wife, for quar­relling and contention come from the Lusts that are within, James 4 1. Consider then when ever any thing displeaseth thee, If I be angry, I gratifie my corruptions, which I am bound to mortifie, Col. 3.5. Certainly thy froward carriages to thy Husband do arise more from the evil that is within thee than the displeasure that is done thee. Thou hast just cause to say, It is not my temptation, but my corruption, that makes me froward; and so do thou fall a study­ing to mortifie thy corruptions if ever thou wilt prevent thy passions.

2. Consider, O Husband, and O Wife! if you will prevent fallings out with one another, keep up your conjugal love in a constant heat and vigour. Love will sup­press wrath, as well as prevent it, you cannot have a bitter mind upon small pro­vocations against those that you dearly love, much less can you proceed to re­viling words, or to averseness and estran­gedness, or any abuse of one another; or [Page 92]or if a breach or wound be unhappily made, the balsamick quality of Love will heal it; but when Love once cooleth, small matters will exasperate and breed distast: Therefore I shall give some dire­ctions how conjugal love may be main­tained and preserved.

1. Take more notice of the good that is in one another, than the evil. Le [...] not the observation of one anothers faults make you over-look or forget one ano­thers Virtues. Love is kindled and pre­served by the sight of Love and Goodness. If you will observe nothing in one another but your infirmities, and some indiscreet, inconsiderate, and unadvised actings: You neither preserve Love, nor keep Peace with one another. If you will magnifie faults in one another, and flight and de­spise any good qualities, you take the readiest course to destroy conjugal love, and beget hatred to one another: therefore turn away your eyes from one anothers humane frailties, and prize what you can see of God in one another, and put a cha­ritable construction upon words and acti­ons; and this is an excellent way to che­rish conjugal love, and prevent dissentions between you.

2. Stir up that most in one another in­to exercises which is best, and stir not up that which is worst. Avoid that which will move your corruptions to violent opera­tions; use such actions as may provoke one another unto love and good works, and then the good that is in you will most appear, and the evil will be as buried. There is some uncleanness in the best on Earth, and if you will be daily stirring the filth, no wonder if you have the annoy­ance, and for that you may thank your selves. Draw out the fragrancy of that which is good and delectable in one ano­ther, and do not by your imprudence or peevishness stir up the worst, and then you will find that the most faulty of you will appear more amiable to you, and then conjugal love will be increased, and strife prevented.

3. Make not one another froward by froward carriages one to another: be­have your selves to one another in all gentleness and mildness of Spirit. A mild Christian is an healing person, who is skilful to cure the Diseases of the mind, [Page 94]and very instrumental to preserve love and unity. A mild Christian is loving in all carriages, and Love will cause Love as Fire kindleth Fire; and the stronger your love is to one another, the better agreement there will be one with ano­ther.

4. Take much delight in the love, compa­ny and converse of each other, this is the way to perpetuate conjugal love to each other; there is nothing that a persons heart is so in­ordinately set upon as delight, yet the lawful delight allowed them by God they can turn into disdain: the delight that would entangle persons in sin, and turn them from their duty, and from God, is that which is forbidden them, but this is a delight that is helpful to you in your duty, and wou'd keep you from sin. When Husband and Wife take pleasure in one another, it uniteth them in duty, and helpeth them with ease to do the work that relates to each other, and bear their burdens. Avoid therefore all things that may represent you un­pleasant and unlovely to each other, and use all lawful means to cherish complacency and delight. All unseemly carriage & foolish speech which favour of contempt must be shunned, as [Page 95]temptations which would hinder you from that love, pleasure and content which Husband and Wife should have in one another. This is the way to preserve conjugal love, and restrain from anger.

5. To preserve conjugal love between each other, be faithful in rendring all due conjugal respects to each other, that the ends of lawful marriage may not be neglected: The neglect of those duties, as it is a sin forbidden of God, so it breeds a contempt of each other, as it may be a means of provoking one another to sin, so it doth abundantly destroy love to each other. Read what the Apostle saith in 1 Cor. 7.23. 4, 5. It is good for a man not to touch a woman; nevertheless, to avoid fornicati­on, let every man have his own Wife, and every Woman her own Husband. Let the Husband render unto the Wife due bene­volence, and likewise also the Wife unto the Husband. The Wife hath not power over her own body, but the Husband: likewise also the Husband hath not power over his own body, but the Wife. Defraud you not one another, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give your selves to Fasting and Prayer, and come together again, [Page 96]that Sathan tempt you not for your incontinen­cy. Therefore those persons live contrary to the nature of their Relation, who with­draw from one another in this respect: and a faithful discharge of these conjugal duties, doth very much establish love to each other, and very much prevent an­ger and discord.

6. Beware you do not neglect the worship of God in your families, for if in your fami­lies you give not God so much service as he requires, he will permit you to withdraw re­spects from each other; and this God will do, because you neglect to pay the respects that you owe to him. Faithfulness and delight in Gods service is the way to make you faithful to, and to delight in each other. When any breaches do arise between you, consider whe­ther you have not neglected Family-worship, for God expects if you will have him bless you with a permanent love to each other, that you and your house do serve him. This is the way to procure Gods blessing on you and yours, and preserve peace and constant friendship between you, and to restrain you from doing any thing in passion, roughness, and sowerness of spi­rit.

7. If thou art an Husband that readest this subject, do thou so unite authority and love, that neither of them be omitted or con­cealed, but let both be exercised and main­tained. Love must not be exercised so impru­dently, as to destroy the exercise of Authority; and Authority must not be exercised so myste­riously, as to destroy the exercise of Love. As thy Love must be a governing Love, so thy Commands must be all loving Commands. Lose not thy Authority, for that will but dis­able thee from doing the office of an Husband to a Wife, or of a Master to thy Servants: yet it must not be maintained by fierceness and cruelty, because not consistent with conjugal love. For there is no case of inequality so great, in which conjugal Love is not to be exercised. Observe but this rule, and Love will grow exceedingly between thee and thy Wife.

8. If thou art a Wife, and would'st pre­serve fervent conjugal love between thee and thy Husband, live in a voluntary obedience and subjection to him, 1 Pet. 3.1. Col. 3.18. Ephes. 5.22. If his softness or yieldingness cause him to relinquish his Authority, and for [Page 98]peace he is fain to let thee have thy will, yet remember that it is God that hath appointed him to be thy Head and Governour; and thou having chosen him as such, thou must carry it towards him in a submissive, and not in a ru­ling and masterly way, and do not deceive thy self to think it enough to give the bare title of Government to thy Husband, when yet thou wilt in all things have th [...]ne own will, for this is but mockery, and not obedience; and self-willedness is contrary to subjection and obedience. Now a neglect of giving due sub­jection to thy Husband, and thy usurping au­thority over him, and behaving thy self in­solently and imperiously towards him, doth cause conjugal love to decay, and cause a breach of friendship and peace between thee and thy Husband. But an humble, submis­sive and obedient carriage of thy self to thy Husband, doth increase love between you, and keep you both in a moderate, calm and quiet frame of spirit.

9. As thou art a Wife, so honour thy Hus­band according to his superiority, behave not thy self towards him with irreverence and contempt in titles, speeches, or behaviour. If the worth of his person deserveth not Honour, [Page 99]yet his place deserves it, Ephes. 5.33. And the Wife see that she reverence her Hus­band; that is, that she inwardly acknowledge that degree of Honour which God hath put upon him, 1 Cor. 11.3. and give evident testimonies of thy inward esteem in words, actions, and whole carriage, 1 Pet 3.6. espe­cially in thy lothness to offend him. That Wife that cares not what contempt she casts upon her Husband, will not preserve conjugal love long. Nothing more distasts an Husband, than to be slighted and despised by one that is bound to honour and reverence him: Indeed it begets great distractions between them: But if thou desirest a continuation of conjugal love, if ever thou desirest to prevent anger and furious passi [...]n in thy self or Husband, and as ever thou desirest peace to be kept between thy self and Husband, do not affront him with con­tempt of his superiority.

10. As thou art a Wife, if thou hast a de­sire to maintain conjugal love between thy self and Husband, and prevent discord between you, then live in a chearful contentedness with thy condition, take heed of a froward, impatient, and murmuring spirit. It is a con­tinual [Page 100]burden to a man to have an impatient and discontented Wife. Many a man can bear great afflictions, that yet is not able to bear his Wifes impatiency. It must needs trouble him to hear his Wife vexing, fret­ting, and murmuring at the Works and Pro­vidences of God; t [...] hear her night and day complaining and speaking distrustfully, and to see her live disquietly, is far heavier than any affliction; for thereby she refuseth to sub­mit to the will of God, and is not willing that God should choose her conditions for her, but is dissatisfied with Gods dealings with her. O then! as thou desirest to prevent the decay of conjugal love, if thou wilt prevent the di­sturbing by self with angry passions, as thou desirest to live in peace and quietness, strive to keep a cheerful spirit under all thy disap­pointments, submit to the will of God under all his dispensations, beware of muttering, and manifesting discontent when Gods Pro­vidences do not suit thy humour. Thus thou seest the way to preserve conjugal love. Fol­low those directions, that you may walk sweetly and lovingly together. If you had more love one to another, you would have less discord between one another, and you would not be so soon angry one with another. Where [Page 101]passion is violent, love is weak. Were your love stronger, your angry passions would be-weaker. You cannot carry it frowardly to one whom you dearly love. You can have but lit­tle esteem of that person that you are angry with upon every trifle. Indeed that woman that carries it imperiously and furiously to­wards her Husband, had never any real love for him, she married him before she loved him. O then! put an high price upon the quietness of your spirits, and be not easily deprived of the sweetness of it. Do not let your frowardness, caused by a defect of love to each other, destroy your calmness and serenity of spirit for a trifle. Where conjugal love is de­fective, the Husband and Wife never knew what the sweetness of a quiet, meek and pati­ent spirit meant. O then! keep warm your conjugal love, that will make you prize a quiet spirit at an high rate, and be willing to suffer much for it, and follow after it, be­cause there is so much good in it. Love will make great crosses and provocations easie to be born. Do then nothing that may occa­sion a decay of love between you.

3. If you would prevent the occasions of wrath and discord, you must mortifie your pride, which is the cause of anger and impatiency. A proud and contentious spirit always go together. You that are Wives are most subject to this sin. Your Pride will make you turbulent and unqui­et with your Husbands, and contentious with all your Neighbours. Your froward­ness, anger and discontent, are the only effects of the height of your Spirits. Ex­cept you can (as the Apostle adviseth, Col. 3.12.) put on humblene [...]s of mind, you will never have meekness of spirit: for proud spirits are usually fiery spirits; but humility is patient, and doth not aggra­vate injuries. If then you would keep a quiet frame of Spirit, free from anger and impatiency, be sure that you keep an humbled Soul, that over-valueth not it self. Such as think meanly of themselves, think meanly of all that is said or done a­gainst them; but such as magnifie them­selves, do magnifie their Provocations. Pride is the most impatient sin; it is the Devils bellows to kindle peoples corrupti­ons, and set the hearts of near Relations [Page 103]and whole Families in a flame: for that without mortifying of Pride there is no possibility of preventing anger, impatien­cy, and hot contests between Husband and Wife. That party that is proud will take every thing amiss that is spoken or done by the other. 'Tis humbleness of mind in Husband or Wife that will keep all things quiet between them: therefore I shall endeavour to give some Directions to help you to mortifie the pride of your hearts.

1. Labour to set the excellency of the grace of Humility before your Souls, and [...] the beauty and excellency of this Grace, and by being convinced of the excellency of this grace, you will ab­hor the pride of your hearts, and come to be adorned with humility. None so submissive to the will of God; none so contented in the condition that God puts them; none so prevalent in Prayer, none so quiet, and free from disturbances; none so serviceable to God; none receive more grace and favour from God, than humble Souls: None do more patiently bear cros­ses, and imitate Christ, than humble [Page 104]Souls: None so thankful for mercies as such as are sensible of their unworthiness of mercies. O how beautiful doth humi­lity make a Soul! O then, how desirous should all be to be cloathed with humili­ty! This would preserve peace and uni­ty, and endeared love between Husband and Wife. For this would prevent your giving offence to each other, or taking of­fence at each other. If you were con­vinced of the excellency of this grace, you would be fond of no other excellency, you would not think better of your selves than others, you would not boast of what you have, but be humbled for what you want. If you did not ever-value your selves for some seeming worth or excellen­cy that you apprehend to be in you, you would not so much storm at every thing that opposeth you.

2. Press much after a clearer knowledg and fuller discovery of God. The more you do converse with God, the more hum­ble you will be, and the more will the pride of your hearts be mortified. If you consider Gods infinite glorious perfections, and the immensity and infinite greatness [Page 105]of God, what a distance there is between God and You, it must needs make you have a mean esteem of your selves. When you compare your selves with God, you are nothing, yea, less than nothing. Did you see more of the power, more of the sovereignty, more of the holiness of God in Himself, and more of his goodness to You, you would have no heart to exalt your self, but rather abhor your selves. The Prophet Isaiah, cap. 6.5. cries out, He was undone, because such a polluted creature as he was had seen the King, the Lord of Hosts: His bodily eyes had seen the signs of his presence, and the eyes of his Soul were so over-prest with the present weight of his Glory, that in this his frail condition he could not bear it, but cries out, He was undone. As he had never seen so much of God before, so he was never so deeply humbled before; he never cry'd out be­fore, I am undone; which word impliet [...] the greatest sense of his own vileness, no­thingness, and wretchedness. The true reason why people at any time carry it so high with God, that they have a good opinion of themselves, is, because their notions and apprehensions of God are so [Page 106]infinitely below him. Did they know God more, how would they fear before him, and stand as persons astonished at the pre­sence of his Majesty! It is peoples dark­ness about God which emboldens them beyond their bounds, or the line of Crea­tures: and the reason why carnal persons and hypocrites carry it so stoutly before God, is, because they know not God aright; They may b [...]ast of their knowledge, when they know nothing as they ought, 1 Cor. 8.2. Persons never see how imperfect they are, till they see themselves in the light of Gods Perfection: when they duly see themselves in that Glass, they greatly abhor themselves, because they see no beauty nor comliness in themselves, for they cannot but see much deformity in themselves, when they behold the Beauty and Glory of God. As when we behold that Beauty, we shall abhor our selves for our deformities and defilements, so we shall be daily mending and cleansing our selves from them. That sight of God Job had, cap. 42.5, 6. humbled him so deeply, as to work in himself abhorrency: But now mine eye seeth thee, wherefore I abhor my self.

1. An abhorrency of a sinful self, or loathing of self for sin and evil done, Ezek 36.31.

2. It signifies an abhorrency of righte­ous self, or a loathing our selves in the good, yea, even in the best that we have done, Isa. 64.6. So that a truly humble Soul abhorreth his righteousness, as never to trust in it at all. This the Apostle saith, Philip. 3 7, 8 Self righteousness is Gold, and to be embraced in conversation; but it is Dung, and to be abhorred in justifica­tion. An humble Soul doth abhor self-righteousness, because he is convinced that self-righteousness is a weak and im­perfect thing even in sanctification: there­fore he is so far from boasting of it, or tru­sting to it, that he hath a kind of abhor­rency of it, that as to justification he looks on it as abominable. And as he abhors it because 'tis unfit and incompetent in it self for justification, so also because it is utterly inconsistent with the tenor of the Gospel, wherein God hath removed all mans Righteousness, how pure soever it may be, from that use, and directed us to look only to the Righteousness of Christ for that use, which the Apostle calls, the [Page 108]Righteousness of God, Rom. 10.3. because 'tis that which the Wisdom of God the Father hath provided for us, and which the Worthiness of God the Son hath wrought and procured for us. Pardon this digression, I have reason for what I do. O then! would you get your pride mor­tified, that begets and feeds your angry passions? endeavour after fuller manife­stations of God, seriously consider God as revealed in his Word, converse more with God, get more acquaintance with God, know and consider how much God is a­bove, and the meaner you will be in your own eyes, the fuller discoveries you have of God, the more sensible you will be of your own unworthiness, and the more calmness will you have in your own spi­rits, and the more able you will be to re­sist provocations unto anger. We have no cause to wonder to see persons in the world that do not know God, to have bold and presumptious spirits, and have their spirits lifted up in vanity. But it is a wonder that a Soul that ever had any sight of God should have any rising of spirit, that any sinful heights of spirit should be in that Soul that knows what an infinite God [Page 109]he is to deal with. O converse much with God, and then you will be humble Souls! That Soul that never goes from duty with­out experiencing communion with God, is very humble, and nothing hath that excellency in it, as that which comes from conversing with God, and upon the sight of his excellency.

3. Consider that the more you see and know your selves, the more you shall be abased, and lie low in your selves. A right knowledge of your selves is that which should bring your hearts low. Do but seriously consider what you are in your selves, what abundance of filth and vileness there is in your selves, and you will not have any high thoughts of your selves. O then study your selves more, converse with your selves, and endeavour to know your selves more, and that noxi­ous wind of ostentation by which proud persons are vainly pu [...]t up in their fleshly minds, will be let out and avoided. Let every proud person consider what he is, let the question be put to his or her own Soul thus. Who am I? or what am I, that I should have a proud thought? shall dust and ashes, shall one that is but a shadow, a va­pour, [Page 110]but as grass, a flower of the field, and in his best estate altogether vanity, be pr [...]ud? O consider, whatever thou art as to this world, thou canst not be long what thou art; in thy highest perfections attainable in this world, thou art very mutable, and the higher thou art, the more mutable thou art, and what hast thou to be proud of? Shall perish [...]ng things be proud things? wilt thou be lif [...]ed [...]p [...] with what thou hast, which as [...] the w [...]rld) is of [...]o little being, as thou canst ha [...]lly be said to be? Consider all these things, which are as fuel and occasions of thy pri [...]e: Thou must shortly give an account for them to God, and the more thou ha [...] re­ceived in any kind whatsoever, the strict­er will thy account be, for thy Acc [...]unt will be proportionable to what thy R [...]ceipt is. Luke 12.48. To whomsoever much is gi­ven, of him shall much be required. Consider w [...]at thou art by Nature, and whiles [...]n thy unconverted state thou wert a Child of Wrath, as bad as the basest and vilest wretch in the world, thou wert full of sin, the seeds of all kind of sin; there is no s [...]n in Hell it self, but the seeds of it were in thy heart; thy heart and life was full of [Page 111]sin, all the faculties of thy Soul were full of sin, all the members of thy body were instruments of sin, thy Soul and Body was polluted and loathsom, and in that con­dition thou wert succourless and helpless; thou could'st never deliver thy self, thou wert wandring from God, and would'st have wandred eter [...]a [...]ly, if God had not looked upon thee in mercy: There was such a breach made between God and thy Soul that had all the Angels n Heaven, or Creatures in the world, laid down their lives for thee, thou could'st not by their deaths have helped to make up that breach. Look back to this condition, and thou wilt see cause enough to be low in thine own eyes. Consider what thou might'st now have been, if the Lord had tak [...]n advantage against thee: Thou art now in a comfortable condition, thou now comest among the people of God into the assemblies of the Saints, but thou might'st have been amongst the damn'd Reprobates, thou might'st have been roaring in Hell, and sweltring under the wrath of the in­finite God, and if God hath made any change in thy state, consider what trouble it put Heaven and Earth unto, that the [Page 112]Son of God must take thy nature upon him, and die, and be made a Curse, to deliver thee from that condition. Now these things should be mighty humbling considerations. Also consider what thou should'st be if God should leave thee, tho' he hath done great things for thee, shewed thee himself, Christ, the evil of sin, and, the excellency of eternal life, yet, for all this, if God should but leave thee to thy self for one quarter of an hour, Oh! if God should but withdraw his Spirit from thee one moment, thou would'st depart from him, and lose all that thou hast, and be brought into as miserable a condition as ever thou wert, thou would'st be plun­ged into the depth of all evil. O certain­ly serious considerations of these things will very much subdue the pride of thy heart, and keep down the risings of thy Spirit! O then in the midst of thy fulness do thou think of thy emptiness, & in the mid [...] of thy perfections think of thy deficiencies. Think how much, and in how many things, thou art wanting, when any thought of Pride ariseth, concerning what thou dost enjoy, and wherein thou dost abound. Indeed thy wantings being a great deal more than thy aboundings, and thy imperfections [Page 113]more than thy perfections, should be to thee a greater matter of humbling, than thy abounding or perfection can be an occa­sion of Pride. Consider the deficiencies in thy self, how low thou art in knowledg, how low in grace, how much thou art behind others, how much thou art below what thou might'st be; and have attained to, both in the light of Knowledge, and in the strength of Grace, and this will migh­tily humble thee; then consider how much thou comest short of what others have at­tained; as it is an excellent means to keep thy Soul from murmuring and discontent, to consider how many are below thee in the enjoyments of the comforts of this life, so it is an excellent means to keep thee from pride to consider how many others are above thee in spiritual endow­ments so far above thee, as thy knowledge is but ignorance compared with their knowledge, thy strength weakness, thy faith unbelief, thy patience unquietness of spirit, thy very fruitfulness barrenness compared with theirs. Such considerati­ons are mighty humbling considerations. Again, consider and reflect upon thine own sinfulness. Thy defects in good may keep thy heart low, but thy abundance [Page 114]of sinful evils may keep it much lower. Thou hast yet a body of sin and death, that thou carriest about with thee. O a­bundance of sin and corruption remains in thy Soul! Then consider thy sin as acted and brought forth by thee, consider thy unthankfulness to God, and all thy un­worthy walkings before God, notwithstan­ding what he hath done for thee. Look on sin, and thy heart must needs come down. The remembrance of sin abiding in thee, and acted by thee, is an excellent means to put a stop to the further a [...]tings, as of all other sins, so of this sin of Pride also. The reason why thou art so proud of thy self, is, because thou art so art so ignorant of thy self. Didst thou know thine own ignorance and misunderstandings, didst thou know all those abominations that are in thy heart, what earthly-mindedness, what inordinate Creature-love, what pas­sions, what envy lie there; didst thou know how deceitful and false thy heart is towards God, thy self, and others, such knowledge would make thee strike sail, and come lower, and make thee abhor thy self exceedingly: Dist thou once know thy self aright, what a frail, blind, [Page 115]and sinful Creature thou art, how humble and heavenly would'st thou be! Didst thou rightly know that thou art a Crea­ture, it would cause thee to live more like a new Creature. Didst thou remember that thou art but a Creature, the work of Gods hand, this would keep thee low and humble; but didst thou know what a sinful polluted Creature thou art, thou would'st soon come not only to a lower estimate, but an utter abhorrency of thy self. Thou dost over-think thy self, because thou dost not know thy self: Thou dost over-rate thy self, because thou dost not rightly understand thy self. O then, endeavour to understand thy self better; and endeavour to make use of those con­siderations that I have here hinted. This is the way to make thee sensible of thine own nothingness: This is the way to mor­tifie thy pride, and keep thee humble; and if thou wert more humble, thou would'st be more peaceable with thy Wife or Husband.

4. Be much in the meditation of Christs humbling and abasing himself for thee. What can kill pride, if the humblings of Christ do not? How may'st thou school [Page 116]and chastise thy proud Soul with the re­membrance of Christ in his abasements! What! was Christ an humble Christ, and shall I be a proud Christian? was he an hum­ble Master, and shall I be a proud Disciple? Did Christ empty himself, and make himself of no Reputation, and shall I, that am but emptiness, be lifted up with a Reputation of my self, or with a Reputation that others have of me? Did Christ abuse himself to the form of a Servant, and shall I lift up my self as if I did reign as a King? Christ hum­bled himself, and became obedient to death, even the death of the Cross, and what have I to glory in but the Cross of Christ? Gal. 6.14. O then, if thou hast any thing to be proud of, 'tis the Cross of Christ. Think then often and much of the humblings of Christ, and then thou wilt think of thy self as a meer nothing: This is the most effectual means through the Spirit to bring down the swellings of thy heart, and to make thee truly humble. And thus I have ended what I have to say in directing thee how to get thy pride mortified and thy spirit humbled. O then, if thou would'st be restrained from sinful anger, and if e­ver thou would'st have any quiet in thine [Page 117]own spirit, and carry it peaceably and quietly to thy Husband or to thy Wife, endeavour to be of a more lowly spirit, and to be cloathed with humility. As long as thou dost nourish thy proud humour, thou wilt fall out with thy nearest Rela­tion for every trifle, but a lowly spirit doth its utmost to preserve peace and unity. Such a one is so tender of others, as that he or she is not willing to grieve any one in the world, much less an Hus­band or a Wife. Therefore the Apostle saith, Philip. 2.3. Let nothing be done through strife and vain-glory, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than themselves. The lust of vain-glory, whereby a person endeavours more to gain esteem from men, than to honour God, is the mother of contention and strife, and a great ene­my to union and peace; and here the Apostle prescribeth humility as an Antidote against strife and contention, and a sove­reign mean for attaining unto and enter­taining of union and peace. But where pride is predominant, men and women walk so, as that they care not to give content to any body but themselves in the Family; they must have all the content, [Page 118]and no body else be pleased. Certainly an humble Spirit is much freer from an­gry passions than any other, because as an humble person is not willing to give offence to any, so is not ready to take offence from others: for it is pride of spi­rit to be ready to take offence from others upon every trifle, and by this means per­sons prove to be very burdensom to others. The ground of a proud persons taking of­fence is this, because they think that eve­ry body must say as they say, and do as they do, else they cry out that they are always opposed, and because they think their own judgments best, and such a thing is better, therefore others must do it, and if they do not, then they are lof­ty, then they are proud and stout, and break out into unseemly speeches, be inflamed with passion, evidencing that they are under the tyranny of their pride. So that there is no preventing of anger & contention between Husband & Wife, without the mortification of their Pride.

4. Another direction to prevent si [...]ful anger and hot contests between Husband and Wife, is, that thou dost consider that God is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abundant in kindness, Exod. 34.6. And [Page 119]as he is not easily provoked to anger, so being provoked, his anger lasteth not long; for he will not always chide, nor keep his anger for ever, Psal. 103. 8, 9. The Lord with much lenity suffereth the vessels ordained to destruction: how long did he suffer the old world! how loath was he to strike [...] if in and hundred & twenty years he could have reclaimed them, he would have for­born them, 1 Pet. 3.20. The measure of his grace and mercy towards us is daily, boundless, and exceeding all measure: He forgiveth us every moment much more than we can possibly be wronged of men; yea, he forgiveth that person that injureth us, much more than we can for­give him. O then, if thou wilt evidence thy self to be a Child of God, must thou not labour to express his Virtues? This is that the Apostle exhorts, Col. 3.12, 13. Put on therefore as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercy, kindness, humble­ness of mind, meekness, long-suffering, forbea­ring one another: If any man have a quarrel against any, even as Christ forgave you, even so do ye. He recommendeth the practice of meekness and long-suffering; which consists in bearing with, and pardoning of [Page 120]even real injuries done by others, and per­suadeth to it from Christs example in par­doning us. The example of God and Christ is a most convincing pattern for ex­citing us to pardon and forgive on ano­ther, if we consider either the greatness of those wrongs which he pardoneth, Isa. 1.18. or our baseness who do injure him, Isa. 40.17, 22. or his omnipotency to right himself of the wrongs done unto him, Mat. 10.28. Dost thou, O Husband, or O Wife, stand in need of forgiveness, and wilt thou not forgive thy Husband or thy Wife? shall God forgive thee infinite sins, and wilt thou not pass by one offence? dost th [...]n stand in deed of a sea of mercy for the washing away thy many foul offences, and wilt thou not let one drop fall upon thy Husband or thy Wife, to forbear or forgive in trifling wrongs? Certainly if Husbands and Wives would but seriously consider these things, it would make all quarrellings and contentions between them to cease. O what little cause hast thou then to manifest a furious spirit against thy Husband or thy Wife for every trifle, seeing God doth not deal furiously with thee for great offen­ces! O that these considerations might pre­vent Husbands and Wives raging against, [Page 121]and falling out one with another for the time to come!

5. If thou would'st keep thy spirit qui­et, and free from furious passions, when any thing is done by thy Husband or thy Wife that is contrary to thy mind, and doth much displease, look up to the hand of God, and acknowledge the Providence of God, without which not the least grief or injury could befall thee; for even the least is a portion of that Cup which the hand of God reacheth out to thee to drink of. Job looked not at the Sabeans and Thieves that took away his Goods, but at the hand of God: The Lord hath taken a­way, blessed be his name, Job 1.21, 22. He was satisfied that God willed that in righ­teousness and justice, which they acted with so much cruelty and injustice. Da­vid's looking up to God when Shimei cursed him, quieted his spirit, and restrai­ned his anger. So in Psal. 39.9. I was dumb, and opened not my mouth, O Lord, because thou didst it. He doth neither ma­nifest forwardness nor discontent, because he took notice of the hand of God. Joseph did not vent his passion against his Brethe­ren for selling him to the Ishmeelites, but [Page 122]kept himself in a calm frame of spirit, by considering this, it was God that sent me hi­ther. A godly man cannot be angry at the doing or speaking of that which plea­seth God to order the speaking or doing of, because he knows he is bound to sub­mit to the will of God. And thy only observing of the person that doth in any way displease thee, and not considering that God hath an hand in all things that befall thee, is the cause that thou art so often transported with furious passions. An observation that God hath an hand in all things that befall thee, is as water to quench the inflamation of thy angry passi­ons. This persuasion, That God seeth cause for all the wrongs that thou dost suffer, is many ways forceable to move thee unto patience. For, 1. If thou dost look to the hand of God in those things that distast thee, it will constrain thee to confess that all thy chastisements are just, far less than thy sins have deserved; for indeed all the opposition that thou hast from thy Husband or thy Wife, is in some measure a rebuke of God against some miscarriage of thine. And God in per­mitting thee to be exercised with such things as do very much distast thy spirit, doth do [Page 123]thee no wrong, because 'tis not commensurate to the merit of thy sin. For indeed such crosses and provocations as thou dost meet with from thy Husband or thy Wife, are but light to a gracious heart; and if not so light to thee as to others, yet but momentory: but thy sins have deserved infinite and eternal punishments. If therefore the Lord use those earthly rods to correct thy sins, thou should'st rather admire his mercy, than be angry at so gentle chastise­ments. If thou didst but consider, that the hand of God is in every thing whereby thy Husband or thy Wife displeaseth thee, thou would'st see that the manner of the Lords dealing with thee is tender and compassionate. Psal. 25.10. All the ways of the Lord are Mercy and Truth, to them that fear him, and keep his Testimonies. When thou de­servest to be cut down root and branch, and cast into unquenchable fire, he doth only lop and prune thee, to make thee more fruitful: Therefore, if the matter be well weighted, thou hast more cause to be thankful, than to be of­fended Consider with thy self, when any word is spoken, or any act done, by thy Hus­band, or by thy Wife, that hath a tendency to discompose thee, and say, It is the will of God to afflict me in my Wife, or in my Hus­band: [Page 124]O but this is not the full desert of my sin, this is not Hell, I deserve severer dealings from God than these, and this will suppress thine anger that it break not out. 3. Consider when thou dost meet with any matter of provocation from thy Husband or thy Wife, that God in his infinite Wisdom will dispose of every thing for thy good, if thou dost love God. Rom. 8.28. Why then should'st thou vex thy self with anger, seeing God will turn the injuries, wrongs, crossings, and slightings of thy Husband or thy Wife into blessings. Therefore when any wrong is of­fered thee which thou canst not by any just and lawful means avoid. Do thou say with our Saviour Christ, John 18.11. Should I not drink of the Cup that my Father hath provided for me? should I be angry with the Cup, because the Physick is bitter; or with the hand whereby it is conveyed to me? My Heavenly Father correcteth me for my good and amendment, I will not therefore be angry with whom I am beaten, but rather look to the principal hand that layeth the chastisement upon me, and the happy fruit that brings with it; and thus th [...]u may'st keep down the risings of thine anger, when thy Husband or thy Wife, doth [Page 125]distast thee. 1. If thou dist observe the hand of God in any contradiction that thou hast from thy Husband or Wife, which might make thee angry, thou would'st ac­knowledge that the present course that God takes with thee to be best; for that is always best, which is ordered by God, who is infinitely good, and in all his dispen­sations is communicating of some good one way or other to his Creatures. As God is most wise, so his prescriptions are most safe and healthful. Now, (2.) there is good cause why thou should'st cease to be angry for crosses, wrongs and injuries, for otherwise thou wilt be angry with Gods disposing of his Providences, resist thine own profit, and chuse rather to please thy pallat, though to thy greater torment af­tewards, than to preserve thy health and peace. O then say to thy self, Hath God an hand in permitting my Wife to shew me such disrespect, or in permitting my Husband to be unkind to me? Is it then my fretting or raging against my Husband or my Wife, an evidence that I am displeased with God for permitting such an act. When thou art vexed that thou art related to such an one as an Husband, thou art offended with [Page 126]Gods appointment. And when thou dost wish that thou hadst never been related to him as thy Husband, thou dost in truth desire God to break thy Relation to him by his death: but know that God seldom gratifies the desires of such humoursom persons, and commonly those that long for the death of another, do die first them­selves Such considerations as these well settled on thy heart, cannot but quiet and pacifie thy Soul in the midst of manifold provocations.

6. I thou would'st keep peace and a­mity between thy self and Husband, or between thy self and Wife, turn thine an­ger upon thy self; not to tear thy self, but to consider and reprove thy self for thine own miscarriages: a just indignation a­gainst the sin of thine own Soul restraineth carnal anger from breaking forth against another: For whosoever is zealous against the errors and disorders of his or her own life, shall not find time to jar and contend with others for petty injuries and wrongs. Experience sheweth, that the greatest heat abroad is accompanied with the least at home. A true sight of thine own faults will shew thee so much cause to be dis­pleased [Page 127]with thy self, that thou wilt have little leisure, and less cause, to be dis­pleased with thy Husband or with thy Wife. Thou think'st thy self ill dealt with by thy Husband, but if thou considerest thine own sins, thou wilt find that thou hast dealt worse with God, than thy Hus­band hath dealt with thee; and this is an excellent means to prevent thy being an­gry with thy Husband, and make thee angry with thy self. My Husband hath of­fended me, and I have offended God; God forbears manifesting anger against me, and why should not I forbear mine anger against my Husband? O then, when thou hast recei­ved any seeming injuries from thy. Hus­band before thou dost let forth thine anger against him, ask thine own conscience, Am I clear from offering the like injuries, or grea­ter, to my Husband? and how many times have I offended God much more? If thou would'st thus speak to thine own consci­ence in the presence of God, thou would'st not be so easily incited to anger, seeing thou thy self dost many things that need pardon. And thy greater faults might serve to excuse those that are less in thy Hus­band, if thou would'st but look upon them: for thou could'st not without blushing be [Page 128]angry with those faults in thy Husband, for which thou shalt need to crave pardon thy self. If thou didst truly judge that by thy sins committed against God, thou hast deserved not only contumelies & wrongs, but also the eternal death of thy Body and Soul, thou could'st not be easily provok'd to anger upon every trifling occasion, nor think it any great disparagement to endure lesser injuries, seeing thou hast deserved greater.

7. If thou would'st suppress thine an­ger, and live in a sweet harmony and peace with thy Husband or with thy Wife, endeavour to get thy heart more desirous of, and affected with spiritual and heaven­ly things, that thou may'st have thy con­versation in Heaven, and have thy heart always in a spiritual frame. Such a con­versation, and such a frame of spirit, will make thee tread under-feet all vain and transitory things, which concern this life, because the Treasures that the Faith of an heavenly Christian discovers, are more excellent and durable than any thing this world affordeth: the preferment it longeth after, is not of an earthly nature; the riches it coveteth, are above, as for the things of this life, an heavenly Christian [Page 129]doth not desire much, delighteth not in much, and consequently is not much di­sturbed with unquietness, nor incensed with anger when crossed in them, for by living in Heaven by Faith, a persons spi­rit is well ballasted, and made steady, and Heaven is above all storms and tempests, and the more thou dost converse there, the less stormy is thy heart; thou would'st not then trouble thy self needlesly, or be concerned for every domestick trifle, and if any thing miscarry thou wilt not so much look to the means, as to the supreme cause, the Providence of God: O, if thou wert an heavenly Christian, thou would'st be lifted up far above these sublunary things, and would'st not be afflicted when crossed in them. Consider then when thou art jarring and contending with thy Hus­band or with thy Wife, when thou art venting thy self in passion for every trifle, for every unadvised word, for every un­suitable gesture, or for things that are no way sinful, thou dost evidence that thou art a stranger to an heavenly frame, thy heart is drossy and earthly, thy heart is too much set upon the pleasing of thy humour, and dost prefer thine own will [Page 130]before GOD's will. If thou would'st be more free from disturbances of spirit by earthly things, and by the carria­ges of thy Husband or Wife, be more in the contemplation of heavenly things, than in the vanity and emptiness of earthly things, and then thou wilt not think it much to be crossed in things that are of so little worth, and in things that thou dost so little value. Why art thou so much for the pleasing thy self in the things of this life? wilt thou be contented with such things for thy portion? If thou dost look for an Inheritance in Heaven, do not disquiet thy self with every trifle that thou dost meet with in thy way thither. If thou dost think to enter into the Kingdom of Heaven without passing through many tribulations, thou art mistaken: Do not then vex thy self with those things that are usual attendants of a journey to Hea­ven. Consider with thy self thus; Why shall I fret my self with a little opposition, or contradiction from my Husband or Wife now? It will not be long before I come home to my Fathers house, where I shall be above all oppo­sition; and shall not I bear a little disquiet for an eternal rest? O! wert thou an heavenly [Page 131]Christian, thou would'st live in more sweetness, amity, content, and satisfaction with thy Husband or with thy Wife.

8. If thou would'st keep down the ri­sings of thine anger against thy Husband or thy Wife, be exceedingly humbled for thy former breakings out into anger. They that resolve to set upon a duty, and are not humbled for their former neglect of it, are like to do little good by their resolutions: Physicians use to purge out choler by bit­ter things, and those that would tame wild Creatures keep them in the dark: So hu­miliation for the distemper of passion is a special means to purge out passion, and to tame and quiet the Spirits of men and women. It may be thou hast been over­come with passion in froward fits, and thou hast seen the inconveniency of them, and it may be afterwards thou hadst thoughts, O, this is ill, and thou hop'st thou shalt do so no more: But although thou think'st that thou wilt do so no more, yet except thou be humbled for what thou hast done, thou wilt fall to it again upon the next occasion. O then, thou that art often and soon angry with thy Husband or thy Wife for trifles, I appeal to thy con­science, [Page 132]Canst thou affirm that thou hast been under deep humiliation for thy for­mer passions? hast thou smarted in spirit for thy former anger? hast thou mourn'd and been afflicted for thy former hastiness of spirit, and causeless ventings of thy pas­sion? what canst thou answer to this que­stion? O never expect to be restrained from future miscarriages, except thou art truly humbled for former miscarriages of this nature. O therefore, thou that hast such a froward spirit, O get alone, and apply the salt tear of humiliation unto the choler of thy heart, and see what this will do. Humiliation for that which is past, will be a special help to keep thee from barking, snarling at, and biting thy Husband or thy Wife. I use such expressions, because angry persons are very dogged in their carriages one to another.

9. If thou would'st live in peace and qui­etness with thy Husband or thy Wife, thou should'st be offended with nothing in thy Husband or in thy Wife, but what God is offended with. Such of thy Husbands acti­ons as do displease God, should displease thee. What authority or right hast thou to [Page 133]be offended with thy Husband, when God is not? or what reason canst give why thou should'st be distasted with any of his actions that God is not? Yea, certainly thou ought'st not to find fault with that in thy Husband, which God doth not. If you would both of you more faithfully endeavour to conform to Gods will, your wills would be more united, and there would not be such differences between you. But if your wills do oppose Gods will, 'tis no wonder if there be heats and contests between you. Sin is the greatest make-bate in the world: if you are not affraid of displeasing God, you will not be affraid of displeasing one another. O then, if thou could'st so far govern thine own spirit as to take offence at nothing in thy Husband but what is sinful, thou would'st not be so an­gry with him as thou art. The Apostle saith, Ephes. 4.26. Be angry, and sin not: or, be angry with nothing, or for nothing, but what is sinful; for I find the learned Inter­preters rendring the meaning thus: Be not angry with the Person of one another, but his Sin, and be angry as much against that sin in thy self, as another. Observe [...] but this rule, and it will prevent abundance of [Page 134]contention that usually ariseth between such near Relations.

10. If thou would'st prevent the raging of thine anger against thy Husband or thy Wife, take heed of the first beginnings of thy passion. We know when a fire is begun in an house, we do not stay quenching of it, till the house be all on h flame; but if there be but a little fire kindled in any part of the house, if it be but a smoke, thou wilt say where is it, and thou art not quiet till thou hast found it out: so it should be when passions begin to rise, thy Soul be­gins to be on fire, and thou should'st be as much for quenching it at first rising, as thou would'st when thou seest fire break out in thine house at the very first. Perhaps a Dish of water may quench that now, that if thou stay'st till half an hour hence, it may take hold of such solid matter, as that it passeth all thy labour and industry to quench, and makes a pitiful ruine. So if thou observest thy choler from the be­ginning, seeing it begin to fume or kindle for some light or small offence, it is easie for thee to suppress it, and stay the course; but if it be once settled, and begin to swell, and thou stir it up, and inflame it, it will [Page 135]be hard for thee afterwards to quench it. A small spark, if nourished, will increase to a furious flame; so there have been most fearful distempers of passion from ve­ry small beginnings, which have broken out into most fearful outrages. How often is it in a Family, that a little spark doth kindle a great fire. At first there may be but a word spoken amiss, that might easily have been past over; but that word be­gets another, and another, and so grows to a most hideous flame. Sometimes it is between the nearest Relations, as Husband and Wife, that a contention doth arise be­tween them for a very small matter, some­times for the very gesture of the hand, or some spots on the apparel. Oh! a very slight ground for distast, and it argues ve­ry little or no Grace in that heart that is displeased with such inconsiderable things with which God is not displeased at all. Sometimes it begins in the very counte­nance: the Wife thinks that her Husband looks not upon her with so pleasant a coun­tenance as he was wont to do, and from thence she begins to have surmizes and suspicions, and then comes to make mis­interpretations, and from thence there [Page 136]comes a strangeness, and from being strange she begins to hearken to tales that are carried to her against her Husband, and to believe them, and to aggravate them: Then she begins to speak some hard words against him, and then to do him some ill offices, then break out into violent and eminent passions and actings against him, reviling him, casting false aspersions upon him, endeavouring to represent him to others as the vilest wretch living, laying such things to his charge as he is altogether innocent of, and then to deny all conjugal respects to him, and then wish she had ne­ver been related to him; and some go so far, as to use indirect means to extinguish the Relation. Others grow fond of other men, and so come to have unlawful inti­macy with them: whereas had there been care taken by her at the beginning, all this might have been prevented, as the wise man saith, Prov. 17.14. The beginning of strife is as one letteth out water; therefore leave off contention before it be meddled with: or before the breach be made so great as not to be repaired. So then when thy heart is first set on fire with anger, do thou presently endeavour to quench it [Page 137]with the water of the Spirit; for after thou art throughly inflamed, it will be too late to apply any remedy till the flame hath spent it self. But thou may'st say, I fall into anger many times when I never meant it, and it hath overcome me before I am aware: how therefore should I prevent that which I did not fore-see, or free my self from it when it violently over-ruleth me? To which I answer,

1. If thou dost carefully watch over thy self, thou shalt easily perceive when thou art inclining to anger; for there are many signs which go before a storm, and many symptoms which discover Diseases before persons do fall into them: So thou may'st easily discern in thy self many notes and signs of this furious and tempestuous storm, and raging feaver of mind, unjust anger, before it break forth and shew it self. Much pain, swelling of heart, dis­content, and bitterness of spirit appear before it.

2. Anger doth not presently, as soon as en­tred into thy heart, over-rule thee, before (by increase of fuel) it be grown to a greater height than it had at first. The most furious anger attaineth not its full strength at first entrance, but by little and little increaseth [Page 138]like a flame, by taking hold of new matter; and the fire in the beginning thereof is easily suppressed: First, by not yielding obedience to an angry passion, nor bolieving her in any thing that she saith or doth, to prompt thee to furious actions. Therefore if thou observest thy self like to be transported with choler, endea­vour to retain thy self, and strive to moderate thy passions, and divert the infirmity that seeks to seize upon thee: give no ear to any incitements unto anger.

3. If thou would'st timely subdue thy anger, withdraw the food wherewith it is nourished. The most furious anger will soon be mitigated, if it be not continually nourished with a new supply of matter: the fuel of anger is the multiplying of words. As nothing sooner than the wind causeth a small spark to burst out into a furious flame. so nothing sooner doth cause a small spark of anger to increase into a furi­ous raging flame, than the wind of words. Do not then think to disgorge thy stomach of anger by vomiting out spleen in bitter words, for they only aggravate things for the continuing of anger. Do thou therefore use most modesty. Mildness of speech and lowness of voice doth so withdraw nourishment from the fire of an­ger, that it will soon of it self be extinguished.

4. If thine anger begin to arise, make some delay before thou speakest or dost any thing. Give not place to wrath, let it not have vent by sudden or unadvised words. Anger smothe­red will languish, but let out will flame into further mischief. 'Tis some cure of passion to delay it; therefore Solomon saith, Prov. 19.11. The discretion of a man deferreth his anger, and it is wisdom so to do; so 'tis thine honour, it's the glory of a man to pass by a transgression, not to take distast at every of­fence. Therefore 'tis good to check thy precipi­tant motions by delay, and due recourse to reason, lest by following thy passion too close, thou run thy self into great inconveniencies. O by thy quickness and shortness of Spirit thou art transported into many indecencies, which dis­honour God, and wound thy conscience: there­fore do what thou canst to suppress thine anger as soon as it doth appear. If this course were taken by Husbands and Wives, it would be an excellent means to prevent and suppress anger and discord between them.

11. If thou would'st not be angry with thy Husband or thy Wife, take heed of too much curiosity in observing every little thing or every trifle in thy Husbands [Page 140]or Wifes words or actions: If thou would'st not be angry, thou must past over a great many things and take no notice of them; thou must have a kind of holy negligence of a great many things, and pass over, and see and not see, and turn away thine ears from many things; as in Eccles. 7.21. Also take no heed unto all words that are spoken. Many things that are spoken thou must let pass unregarded, many times hard sayings, or ill speeches, vain and undervaluing speeches, speeches spoken at random without occasion, without consi­deration, and without any real detriment to us, must not be taken notice of, to make them occasions of enmity and dis­cord, or to break our own peace and tran­quility. Thus Mr. Cotten on this wise. There­fore, I say, do not take notice of hard or slight speeches spoken against thy self, or vain impertinent words that do thee no personal prejudice. Paul took little notice of words spoken against him. 1 Cor. 3.4. But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged of you. Never keep empty im­pertinent words in thy memory, for thy memory is not to be filled with trash, and all occasions of enmity and discord should [Page 141]be put out of thy mind; as in Levit. 19.18. When things done by thy Husband or Wife are not of any consequence, rather let him or her know that thou dost not take notice of them. But if thou wilt be taking notice of, or offended with every thing that is done or spoken, it is impossi­ble but there will be a great deal of distur­bance between thy self and Husband.

12. If thou hast an angry Husband or an angry Wife, and yet after all the means thou hast used to prevent his or her angry passions; yet if he or she remain froward and contentious upon every tri­fle, then observe this rule, That thou re­solve to walk before thy Husband or thy Wife in a convincing way. Thy Wife is of a troublesom Spirit, and wrests every word that thou speakest, and gives thee railing and reviling speeches; thou canst not in any way meddle with her, but thou dost foul thy fingers: yet resolve with thy self that thou wilt not render her reviling for reviling; and though she be froward, yet thou wilt not deal frowardly with her. Say within thy self, I will do what I can to convince her in a constant way of Good, of Holiness, Justice and Righteousness; it may [Page 142]be I may melt her heart that way: I am re­solved whatever evil she doth to me, I will do good to her. Here is a peaceable Spirit in­deed, and this is the way to keep peace between thy self and Wife. When means have been tried to quiet her Spirit, yet it cannot be done; yet walk convincingly before her, and a convincing conversation in a few months may prevail with her heart more than all the means that thou hast used. Take but this course, and thou wilt find in some time that the bitterness of her Spirit will be allayed. O then wait on the Lord, keep his way, walk strictly and inoffensively, and commit thy cause to God, and in time all the stirs and cla­mours of thy Wife will vanish away, and come to nothing, and she will be at last convinced, and say that thou art a faith­ful Servant of God.

13. If thou would'st live in peace with thy Husband or thy Wife, be much in secret prayer, earnestly importuning God that he would mortifie thy angry passions. Prayer is an excellent spiritual help to prevent frowardness and discord between Husband and Wife. Thou may'st cry out of the contentions that are between thy [Page 143]self and Husband, of the bitterness of his Spirit, and that he is an offence to thee: but I appeal this day in the name of God to thy conscience, what time hast thou spent in secret prayer to make thy moan to God, to complain to God in secret be­tween God and thy Soul? Perhaps when thou art in more publick Prayer, thou may'st pray God to heal the breaches be­twixt thee and thy Husband, or thy Wife: but when thou hast been in secret, hast thou powred out thy heart with earnest prayer, that God would find out means of reconciliation. Say unto the Lord. There is a great distance between my self and Wife, or between my self and Husband, and I find all means that I use ineffectual to make up the breaches between us: But, Lord, thou knowest how to still the rage of my Wifes spi­rit, thou knowest how to compose differences between us. Do it, Lord, I humbly pray thee. Oh I pray thee, O gracious God, to vouchsafe the assistance of thy Spirit to subdue mine an­ger, or my Wifes anger, that both our affecti­ons may be so ruled and sanctified, that they being freed from natural corruption, may be made fit and serviceable for the setting forth of thy glory, and the mutual good, peace and [Page 144]comfort of each other, and the furthering one anothers Salvation. This is the most ex­cellent means to prevent frowardness and contention between Husband and Wife; for it is only the water of the Spirit, and the Shield of Faith, which is able to quench the fury of our passions, of which Prayer is the chief means of obtaining, and then we shall find that what cannot be done at all by our strength and skill, may be easily done by Gods assistance and dire­ction.

Thus, O Husband, and O Wife, I have given several directions how you may prevent anger and discord between each other: And O that the Lord would give you hearts to follow them. And therefore let me give you some arguments to press you to use those helps and directions for the restraining and suppressing your an­gry passions; and that very briefly.

1. Thou should'st take care to use means to suppress and prevent thy angry passi­ons, because the furiousness and disquiet of a persons spirit hinders that person from Communion with God; it keeps him or her from intimacy with, and com­fortable [Page 145]enjoyments of God. As God forbids men, Prov. 22.24. to make any friendship with an angry person, neither to go with a furious man, lest they learn his ways, and receive destruction to their Souls. That is, a­void the company of those who are angry and cholerick, lest by a certain contagion they poyson thee with their passions. In­deed so will God withdraw from such as he commands us to withdraw from, and should'st thou not watch against evil, that will make thee to be without God in the world? 'Tis sad indeed to do any thing to cause the withdrawments of God; for as soon as God departs from a Soul, the Devil visits it: therefore it is said, That a giving way to wrath, is a giving place to the Devil. Oh what a miserable exchange is this! and what a sad loss is it to lose God! and when God is driven away by the excess of angry passions, there is a loss of that sweet and holy disposition of Soul which ought to be in every Christian, and is in every one that walketh in peace and fellowship with God, in true peace of conscience. As there is required reconcili­ation with God, and a sense of his love, so likewise a freedom from the hurry of [Page 146]boisterous passions, and a calmness of spi­rit, which is a necessary qualification in the subject capable to hold Communion with God, and receive the beams of his favour. O consider this seriously, Dost thou think it nothing to be without the blessing of God? Alas! then thou losest Gods pro­tection and guidance in times of danger, who then shall help thee in thy streights, or direct thee in times of darkness and doubtings, when the Original of all Po­wer and the Fountain of all Wisdom hath left thee? Indeed if thou let thy angry passions to rage upon every trifling occa­sion, thou dost not only provoke God to be gone from thee, but to be gone in distast. 'Tis sad when God conceals him­self but a little while from a poor Soul, and clouds his presence a little while. A gracious Soul cannot bear a little with­holding of God from it, when he lets out no intimations of displeasure: but how terrible are the withdrawments of God, when he withdraws in high displeasure, and thou knowest not whether he will e­ver return again in mercy, or not? And it is said in 2 Sam. 22.27. And with the froward thou wilt shew thy self unsavory. The [Page 147] Hebrew hath it, With the perverse thou be­havest thy self as one turned about; and that the very thoughts of God will be unsavo­ry and unpleasant thoughts to them. An­gry froward persons shall not have the least discovery or sense of Gods love while they are in their fits, nor much at other times, because an angry froward frame of spirit is an abomination to the Lord, Prov. 3.32. & chap. 8.13. & 11.20. 'As froward­ness causeth strife between the nearest Re­lations, so it makes contention between God and the Soul. The angry froward person opposeth God, and God opposeth that person: So that hence it appears that thou hast abundant cause and reason to use all possible means to restrain and sup­press thy angry passions, because they hinder thee from enjoying the divine Pre­sence, and the hlessed discoveries of divine Favour.

2. Thou should'st take great care to re­strain and suppress thy angry passions, and hasty frowardness of spirit, because as they prevail, thy actings are as contrary to true grace, as any thing almost that thou canst think of, and truly there may be a great deal of suspicion whether thou [Page 148]hast true Grace, or no. I conceive there may be some Analogy between a Nazarite and a gracious Soul. It is said in Numb. 6.2. That the Nazarites were to separate themselves unto the Lord. They were to be separated from the ordinary course of that they might more freely and wholly dedicate themselves to the service of God, and to a more strict and pure course of serving God, than other men used; and indeed God confined them to strict rules: They were to abstain from any thing that did belong to the Vine; hereby also signi­fying a full and perfect renouncing all worldly pleasures, or any thing tending thoreunto; intimating, that they were not only to abstain from all evil, but all ap­pearances of evil, 1 Thes. 5.22. All the out­ward Ceremonies injoyn'd them, were but Types of inward Holiness. I take no­tice of one thing injoyned them, which is most especially to my purpose, which is, That they should drink no Vinegar of Wine, or any other strong Liquor; that was to sig­nifie, that they must not be of Vinegar Spirits, of sower and eager Spirits, but of of quiet Spirits, of loving and meek Spi­rits. Now all the Saints of God they are [Page 149] Nazarites. As Christ was a Nazarite, so all that are Christs are Nazarites seperated from others to be the Lords people. The Lord separates the godly man for himself, as in Psal. 4.3 But know that the Lord hath set apart him that is godly for himself; and they must not be of harsh and hot Spi­rits, but should be adorned with this love­ly amiable grace of meekness: so that a ha­sty, froward and passionate Spirit is direct­ly opposite to a meek, patient, and quie [...] Spirit; and if there be any grace in a fu­rious person, it is rak'd up under a great deal of ashes of corruption, that it is not easily discerned. Now the opposition that anger and frowardness bears to Grace ap­pears,

1. If thou dost consider what it is that Grace doth in the heart when it first comes, the first thing is to shew unto the Soul its own vileness, its own wretchedness and baseness by sin, and the danger that it is in through sin. Now a froward passionate heart is very contrary to the sight of its own baseness and vileness; for thou canst not see thy self to be a base, vile, sinful worm, and yet bear nothing that is a­gainst thee, but presently thy heart is in a [Page 150]flame if any thing doth cross thee; for thou could'st not be so angry, if thou didst not think thy self too great and too good to be crossed.

2. When Grace comes into the heart, it brings the heart into subjection unto God, and unto another rule than it wal­ked by before. That's a principal work of Grace, to subdue the heart of a sinner unto God. The hearts of sinners are na­turally stout, and rebellious against God, and goes on in a stubborn way, till Grace comes, and lays them under; but a fro­ward and passionate heart would be in­deed above God, and any of his rules. It cannot keep it self under, and lie in subje­ction unto rule; and hence is the reason that froward and passionate people use to have such expressions, I will, nay but I will, and I care not, their hearts are subdued to the authority of God. But the heart that is subdued to the Lord, bring it but a Scripture, and it yields presently; but a froward Spirit is not so. How contrary then is frowardness to Grace? I might in­stance in many other particulars, but I shall be too large then. O then, is passion and frowardness so opposite to Grace? [Page 151]doth it either hinder the working of grace in the heart, or at least weaken, yea, smo­ther grace, that it is almost extinguish'd, tho' not totally, yet so as it is not easily discernable? Dost thou not then see great reason to use all means to mortifie thy passions.

3. Thou should'st use thy utmost endea­vours to mortifie thy passions, and live in peace with thy Husband or thy Wife, be­cause thou dost manifest a truly noble and generous Spirit, if thou would'st pass by offences without manifesting anger and frowardness of Spirit. To this effect speaks Solomon, Prov. 19.11. It is the Glory of a man to pass by a transgression; that is, not to manifest an angry displeasure for an of­fence that another doth him. And so we say when we restrain our anger against a­nother for any thing done amiss, I will pass you by for this time, I will not take any severe notice of what you have done. O it is an ho­nourable thing to bridle anger when a person is offended, to wink at smaller in­firmities, and remit greater wrongs. Ge­nerous Spirits are (as it were) impenetra­ble by offences; yea, a Spirit truly ele­vated, a generous and noble Soul, is al­ways [Page 152]quiet, moderate, and grave, never suffering it self to be transported with the violent motions of choler. Certainly a meek person hath a magnanimous and he­roick Spirit. See what the wise man saith in Prov. 16.32. He that is slow to anger, is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his Spirit, than he that taketh a City. He that overcometh himself, is stronger than one that overcometh a City. Now it is a glo­rious thing for a Souldier to overcome a City, but one that can overcome his own passion, is more valiant, and hath a more excellent Spirit, than one that overcomes a great City. And so some Creatures that are more heroical, are more meek and gentle than others are; The Lion is of a more generous Spirit than the Wolf is. The more honourable any one is, the more he is of a peaceable disposition, and his an­ger is sooner pacified. It is enough to fall down before a Lion, a Lion is pacified if you fall before him: but fot the Wolf and Tyger, and other baser Creatures, they will tare those that fall down before them. Hence observe, such as are soon moved to violent passions, that will not pass by a slight offence, but will be furious for eve­ry [Page 153]trifle, they are of ignoble, base, sordid tempers, of vile, wretched, and dunghil dispositions. O then, what care should'st thou take to watch against the first risings of anger, and faithfully endeavour to sup­press thy violent passions when risen, to wink and connive at many offences! If ever thou wilt evidence a noble Spirit, it is thy true glory so to do; but 'tis thy ignominy and disgrace to be of a Gun­powder-Spirit, to be transported into a flame of fury by every little spark of dis­tast given. Nay, a furious Spirit is a de­vilish Spirit, and therefore the Devils are very often called Furies. O let this conside­ration stir thee up to endeavor after meek­ness, calmness, and peaceablenss of Spirit.

4. Thou should'st be careful to abstain from anger and frowardness of Spirit, be­cause there is nothing that thou canst do in anger, but thou may'st do it better out of anger. Thou canst have thy mind or thy will in nothing in anger, but thou may'st have thy mind and will better out of an angry fit. And wherefore then should'st thou be angry? Consider when thou hast thine anger stirring, what thou would'st do in thine anger. Thou may it [Page 154]say, I would reprove my Wife or my Husband that hath done amiss. I say, thou must re­prove without anger, thou must restore with a spirit of meekness, Gal. 6.1. There is no recovering a fallen Relation from sin in a boisterous way. There are gentle means, that are most influential. Thy re­proof should be as Physick: thou dost not use to give Physick scalding hot. Thou may'st reprove thy Wife, Husband, Child, or Servant, without anger, as well as with anger; and if thou would'st give corre­ction, thou may'st do it best without an­ger. If thou dost correct in anger, or re­prove in anger, thy Servant or any other Relation will think it is rather from thy fu­ry than his fault that thou do'st it. Perhaps thou would'st do some special service for God, and thou say'st that anger will quic­ken thee: But James saith, cap. 1.20. The wrath of man accomplisheth not the righ­teousness of God. God will not be beholding to the wrath of man for any thing. An Heathen could say, That Fortitude had no need of wrath, no need of gall, bitterness and choler, but it may be well enough without it. Perhaps thou would'st make thine Hus­band sensible of the wrong he had done [Page 155]thee: That thou may'st do without anger. If he hath wronged thee, shew him the more respect and kindness; this way thou shalt make him sensible of the wrong he hath done thee, as well as any way in the world, that it will either melt his heart, or trouble his Spirit, till he hath made thee restitution, or confessed his fault. I say, every thing can be better done in a calm and quiet frame, than in an angry fit; for in thine anger thou canst not sol well ex­ercise thy reason as at another time; for the fire of passion, when it is kindled, cau­seth a great smoak to come up to the Understanding and Judgment, and even puts out thy Reason. So that is very great reason why thou should'st use all means to prevent and suppress thine angry pas­sions.

5. Thou should'st do thy utmost to re­frain from anger, and attain meekness of spirit, because meekness is that grace whereby men and women come to have fair weather all the year long. It is a comfortable thing to have fair weather to continue but two or three weeks together, and thou knowest that rainy weather and dropping weather is very tedious and irk­som [Page 156]to us, and we say, It is pity fair weather should do any hurt: But when Husband and Wife are both meek, there is fair weather in that Family every day, all the week long. But where they are froward and passionate, there is rainy weather all the week long. Solomon sets out passion and frowardness by a continual dropping, Prov. 19.13. And the contentions of a Wife are a continual dropping; her scolding and braw­ling may occasion much sadness, trouble, and hurt in the Family. And so in Prov. 27.15. A continual dropping in a very rainy day, and a contentious woman, are alike. The Hebrew renders it, A continual dropping in a day of a great shower of rain, and a Wife of brawlings and contentions, are alike. Where the rain drops into an house, it is very troublesom; but when the Sun comes in at the window, there is a sweet and plea­sant dwelling, that is comfortable. Many times thou knowest that the Sun riseth very fair in the morning, but it rains mightily before night: So in many Families, tho' there is a great deal of quietness in the morning, and there seemeth to be a great deal of love between Husband and Wife, yet what a storm is there before night! [Page 157]and the reason is, because a passionate person looks on that as a great crime, which a meek person can see no evil at all in. Where there is meekness, there fair weather continues always. Now, tho' passion and frowardness be uncomely a­mongst all, and meekness is lovely in all. But passion is more uncomely, and meek­ness is more sweet and lovely between Man and Wife: they should walk sweetly and lovingly together when God by such an Ordinance of his hath so united them in such a way of Communion as they are united. Such God hath joyned by the ho­ly Ordinance of Marriage, that indeed is a greater bond than the bond of Nature; for a man and woman must forsake all Rela­tions, and cleave to one another, and of twain become one flesh. And should they not be of one mind? O then, how careful should Husband and Wife be to avoid those angry passions that hinder that sweetness, com­fort, and delight which they might enjoy, were they of patient and meek Spirits! Meekness of Spirit makes them very care­ful in discharging mutual duties to each other, and that keeps fair weather between them: but passion makes them oppose the [Page 158]commands of the Gospel, and that makes tempestuous weather between them. The Scripture says, Wives, see that you reverence your Husbands: when then thou dost pro­voke thy Husband, and speak it to him in a froward way, I appeal to thy conscience, Dost thou reverence thy Husband? Thou may'st say, he doth not deserve it. Whether he deserve it or no, thou art to reverence him; thou must reverence him in words, gestures, actions, and in thy very heart, and not give him insolent and reflecting language, or like Zepora, Exod. 24 25. call him a bloody Husband. God hath made Marriage a union for communion, for love, for help, for peace, for delight; and thou dost by thy angry passions do what in thee lies to frustrate the very Ordinance of God. Know, that God will not bear it at thine hands, to frustrate that great Ordi­nance of his. Let the Wife then consider the Husband as one that God commands that she should reverence and obey in all things that are not sinful; and let the Husband consider the Wife as the weaker Vessel, and bear with her sinless infirmities: This is the way to keep fair and comfortable weather always between them. But the [Page 159]Wife may come under the first head of Inferiours. God hath put her in an inferiour condition, and therefore frowardness and passion is very uncomely in her. O then, as ever you would prevent tempestuous weather between you, as ever you would maintain love, comfort, and quietness be­tween you, strive to refrain from angry passions, endeavour to get your selves a­dorn'd with the grace of meekness. Re­member still you are one flesh, and there­fore be no more offended with the words and failings of each other, than you would if they were your own, for you cannot be free from failings till you have attain'd full perfection, which is not to be gotten in this life. Fall out no more with your Hus­bands or with your Wives for their words or faulty actions, than you would with your selves for your own faults, or your own words of common and ordinary dis­course. This will allow you such an anger or displeasure against a fault, as tendeth to heal it, but not such as tendeth to vex and fester the diseased part. This will turn anger into compassion, and a speedy dili­gence for the cure. Consider this, I pray, and avoid all occasions of wrath and fal­ling [Page 160]out: Do not do any thing to contract a discontented peevish habit; do not in your impatiency wrangle and disquiet one another, speak not reproachful and provoking words, talking hotly doth blow the fire, and increase the flame. Be but si­lent, and you will sooner return to your serenity and peace. Some calm and con­descending words of reason may stop the torrent, and revive the reason which pas­sion had overcome. Foul words, as they tend to disgrace and displease one another, so they produce many evil effects. After Thunder comes Rain. Do not then cast on Oyl or Fewel, by answering one ano­ther provokingly or sharply, or by multi­plying words, or by answering wrath with wrath. You must endeavour to molifie, & not exasperate one another. O that argu­ments might prevail with you to take this course! O then in how much sweetness, amity, and peace might you live with one another!

6. Consider that no excuse or pretence whatsoever can justifie your being angry with one another. Thou may'st say per­haps, O Husband, or O wife, I am of a very hasty and cholerick nature, and cannot leave [Page 161]it, but shall be soon angry when occasion is gi­ven. This vain excuse is no better than Adam's fig-leaves to hide the nakedness of sin, and will not justifie thy furious passi­ons; for if thou art of a passionate na­ture, thou hast a nature that is abominable to God. Prov. 3.32. For the froward is an abomination to the Lord; that is, which God esteemeth and accounteth an abomination; for when the heart is froward, the person deviseth mischief continually; and soweth dis­cord, cap. 6.14. This frowardness in the heart, as it intimates perverseness of the heart, so also a passionate nature: So none are more obstinate and perverse than an­gry persons, and are the causers of great dissentions and disagreements; and there­fore such God hates, because he loveth transgression that loveth strife, cap. 17.19. An angry nature is always brawling, and contention is the original cause of many sins, which the contentious person by his actings seemeth to love: therefore do not plead thy nature by way of excuse. If thy nature be cholerick, it is not the nature that God created thee in, for God made man upright, after his own Image, like himself, who is slow to anger. It is the glo­ry [Page 162]of God to be slow to wrath, and thy froward nature is not Gods nature, it is but thy original corruption. Thou art fro­ward, and thy original corruption is in the strength of it. Is this any lessening of the evil of the root, because it hath corrupt branches? or will it lessen the evil of a Child, because it had a wicked Father? And therefore thou art not to excuse one sin with another, but rather earnestly la­bour that this pollution may be washed away with the water of Gods Spirit, who by his Grace doth reform Nature. If thou art of such a wicked disposition that thou canst not but be angry, thy sin is the more heinous, and thy state the more dangerous; for rooted sickness is worse than new-bred, an old sore than a green wound. The fins that are set most deep in nature, are most hateful and dangerous: therefore thy be­ing of a cholerick nature should be thy humiliation, not thy excuse; for if thou hast nothing but nature, nothing to overcome thy nature, thou shalt never go to Hea­ven; for every man and woman in the world, that hath the least degree of grace, is made partaker of the Divine Nature, Now the Divine Nature, that prevails [Page 163]reigns, and rules in the heart; therefore to plead Nature to excuse Anger, is as much as to say, I am yet the child of wrath, therefore I cannot cease to be angry. O thou may'st say, I am flesh and blood, and how can I be able to be of such a quiet and meek spirit when I am wronged? indeed it is very difficult. 'Tis true, all good things are dif­ficult, and meekness would not be so ex­cellent a grace, were it not difficult to at­tain: but it is difficult only to those that have no gracious principles in them. An endeavour to conquer thy passions may seem difficult at first; but try once or twice, and thou wi [...]t find so much sweet­ness in thy spirit, that it will not appear so difficult, but find this yoke of Christ very easie: and tho' thou art flesh and blood, yet thou hast Reason to rule flesh & blood. If thou art but flesh and blood, shall vile flesh and blood take so much upon it, as (if it be crost in any thing) to flie in the face of God, and revile thy dearest Rela­tion, and cross Gods will. 'Tis sad that flesh and blood should do this. And I tell thee, if ever thou be saved, thou must be more than flesh and blood, for flesh and blood shall never enter into the Kingdom [Page 164]of Heaven. But thou may'st say, I am greatly provoked, I should live quietly with my Husband, and in my Family, except I be provoked; and it is his fault who provokes me, rather than mine who am angry. I an­swer, There was no need indeed of the grace of meekness, if there was nothing to provoke thee. The Devil's meek when he's pleas'd: but for thee to say that thou art meek, whereas thou art meek only when thou art pleased, that is no meekness. Now is the time for thee to exercise meekness when thou art provoked, to forbear angry passions when thou art crossed. To say thou art froward only when thou art provoked, is as much as to say, I am not froward, but when God calls upon me to exercise meekness: For whenever thou art provoked, that is the proper time to exercise meekness. And it is a sign of a very carnal heart, to put off thy sin to the temptation; that when thou hast done evil, thou say'st, Such an one did provoke me to it, or this wicked Devil did tempt me to it: whereas 'twere only thy corruptions that made thee furious; whereas those that are truly gracious, and are of tender spirits, are ready to charge them­selves to the uttermost for any evil. They judge that all the evil of their lives d [...]th arise from [Page 165]the wicked corruptions of their hearts: but a carnal heart will charge temptation with all, and would free himself, and discharge his corruptions from that which doth arise wholly from corruption, and from no other principle. So that it is more of inward corruption than outward provocation that thou art so passionate. A little occasion may provoke thee to passion, but a great matter will not provoke thee to good works. Why should any thing provoke thee do thy self a mischief? Thou canst not pro­voke a Beast (with all the blows thou canst give him) to leap into the fire: and why art thou so easily provoked to mischief thy self in the fire of passion? O consider how thou dost provoke God continually, and thou should'st labour to be as God is. He is not so angry upon all thy provocations as to flie upon thee: He can bear, tho' thou provoke him, and why should'st thou not bear when thy fellow-Creatures provoke thee? Perhaps thou may'st say, There was never any one so abused as I am; never any one had such an Husband as I have. I an­swer, Certainly this is the pride of thy heart to think or say so. A proud heart being great it self, makes every little affliction, every little cross seem great. By reason of thy pride of heart [Page 166]thou thinkest it a great matter to suffer any little thing. Hadst thou an humble heart, thou would'st not think it a great matter to suffer, and know that God is more abus'd every day, than thou art, or ever could'st be. An humble heart says, Doth the Lord send such afflictions upon me more than on any other? The Lord sees I have a more vile heart than any other, and therefore I de­serve more afflictions than another. And certainly if thou art more froward than others, therefore thou dost meet with more evil than others, because thou art a froward person. The Lord sees thy heart so vile in thy frowardness, that thou tendrest not Gods glory, therefore he tenders not thy good. There is no person in the world that doth meet with so much occasion of vexation, as a froward person doth: and if thou didst but pass a right judgment, thou would'st find that others suffer as much as thou dost, nay more, yea, it may be they suf­fer more by thee than thou dost by them: thou art more an afflicter to them, than they are to thee. So that it is clear that no pretence or ex­cuse that thou canst make can justifie thy an­gry passions with thy Husband or with thy Wife, but still thy passions will be sinful. And should'st thou not then do thy utmost to restrain [Page 143]and suppress thy violent passions? should not such a consideration make thee cease contending with so near a Relation as an Husband or a Wife? Pray then mind the directions given thee to prevent thy furiousness of spirit.

7. Thou should'st be very watchful a­gainst thy anger and frowardness of spirit, because nothing in the world doth more discover thy shame and folly, than thy angry passion. Therefore 'tis observable how many times the Scripture couples anger and folly together, and makes passio­nate people the foolishest people in the world. When thou art provoked, thy passion doth discover what is in thee, which is not dis­covered until then. Whatever shameful thing is in thee, will quickly discover it self in thine anger. Indeed thy carriage is so foul and vile in thy passion, that thy nea­rest Relation is asham'd of thee. Certainly one would wonder to see the shameful carriage of some men and women in their passions. I have heard of a Wife that fell out with her Husband for a trifle, only for the moving of his hand in ordinary dis­course; and because by her bitter provo­king speeches she could not move him to the like furiousness of spirit, she told him, [Page 166] He was of a gangrene spirit, and that he was of so sordid and base dunghil spirit, that no­thing would move him; and fretted the more exceedingly, that he did bear her railings so patiently: For he knowing that the Scripture forbad him to render revi­ling for reviling, bore all her provocations with admirable patience. Also I have heard of a Wife, when her Husband would not do such things as she would have him, (which he did judge not convenient to be done) she would pluck him by the hair, sometimes strike him on the face, some­times on the head. At divers other times in her rage (which she would be often in, she knew not why her self,) she would give him such insulting, bitter, reviling, reproachful, disdainful, and imperious speeches, as are not fit to be mentioned. Both these persons I knew my self, and do know what I have written to be true; and I have mentioned this instance to shew the shameful acts that persons are guilty of in their passions. Some Wives are so proud and passionate, that nothing but a submissive obedience to their insolent and unreasonable commands will gratifie them; and if their Husbands think it too much to [Page 167]be subject to the commands of an inferior, they shall not be permitted to live in qui­et. And I know one Wife that told her Husband, for not gratifying her perverse humour, that it was no matter if he had been buried alive, rather than have married her. And also I have known an Husband who in his furious passion said, that he did wish the Devil would come and fetch away his Wife, who was a serious, holy, and meek woman. And should'st thou not be ashamed of thy passions, that make thee guilty of such shameful carriages? Indeed in such shameful carriages passionate peo­ple discover the greatest folly imaginable. O then it is great folly to give way to an­ger, therefore Solomon in Eccles. 7.9. saith, that anger resteth in the bosom of fools; and in Prov. 12.16. A fools wrath is presently known, but a prudent man covereth his shame. A fools wrath is known by his words, acti­ons, and gestures; his wrath is vented in rash and ill-advised speeches, which hurt his Neighbour, whereby the folly of the angry person is discovered, and so disco­vers his or her shame. But a prudent man (that is, a meek man) by his forbearing to be angry covereth his shame. And in Prov. [Page 146]14.17. it is said, He that is soon angry dea­leth foolishly: and in ver. 29. He that is slow to wrath, is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit, exalteth folly. The meek person hath much understanding, which he discovereth by this, in that he knoweth how to bear wrongs and injuries patiently, and can beware of doing any thing that doth truly oppose Honour and Virtue: But he or she that is hasty of mind, or short of spirit, that is soon angry, exalteth folly; that is, bringeth his folly to open light, to be seen of all men▪ forasmuch as he or she doth in his or her anger those things which cannot consist with Honour and Virtue. Thus continually the Scri­pture doth befool passionate people, and it is to check froward people, because there are none that think themselves wiser than angry people do, especially in the time of their fit. Certainly, because angry persons discover great folly in opening their shame, they make evident what filthy trash was closetted up in their hearts, which was not known before. Alas! of what ridiculous, rude, and indiscreet acti­ons are angry persons daily guilty of; they will reverence no Superiour, respect [Page 147]no Equal, but contemn all that oppose their humour. Their chief work is railing and vilifying others much superiour to themselves in real worth: They are excee­ding talkative, all others must hold their peace but themselves: and in the multi­tude of their words there wanteth not folly. But in all these insolent, imperious, and insulting carriages of a Wife to her Husband, where is the reverence and ob­servance that God requires her to give him? for reverence is due to a man as he is an Husband; to the bad Husband, as well as to the good; to the poor Husband, as well as to the rich: So that no defect of the Husband can excuse the Wife from gi­ving him due reverence and subjection to his superiority. So that all the irreverent speeches she gives her Husband in her passion, are but the discoveries of her shame and folly.

I have now ended my Arguments and Motives which I have laid before you to persuade you to use the directions that I have here given to prevent Wrath and Discord between Husband and Wife. Pray then let those considerations influence you to watch against your angry passions; do [Page 170]not allow your selves in that which disco­vers so much of your shame and folly, that such near Relations by their furoius carriages one to another should make themselves ridiculous to all that know them, is very sad. You are one flesh, be of one spirit and one heart, be faithful to discharge the duty you owe to one ano­ther. Be not too curious in observing e­very look or gesture of one another. Wink at every thing that crosseth you, so long as it doth not cross the will of God. Let each of you keep in your own station. Let not the Wife look for superiority, when God hath appointed her subjection. Let her not be ambitious of teaching, when her place is to be a learner. A chearful subjection to Gods Ordinances, and a ready delightful submission to Gods pro­vidential appointments, is an excellent means to keep peace, and prevent conten­tions between Man and Wife. It is a great occasion of strife, when that party will prescribe rules to the other, that ought to be ruled by the other. Do not discover your folly by your insolent carriages one to another. Do not allow your passions, that will make you utter such expressions [Page 171]that will prove your shame. Be willing to live in peace one with another. And there­fore be persuaded by the Arguments and Motives that I have here given, to use the direction now lay'd before you, to prevent Wrath and Discord between you.

Soli Deo Gloria.