THE Wary Widdow: OR, Sir Noisy Parrat. A COMEDY.

As it is Acted at the THEATRE ROYAL.

By their MAJESTIES Servants.

Written by Henry Higden Esq.

Lectori Credere mallem
Quam Spectatoris fastidia ferre Superbi.

LONDON, Printed for Abell Roper, at the Mitre near Temple-Bar; and Tho. Rainy, Bookseller in Doncaster. M.DC.XCIII.

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Dramatis Personae.

  • SIr Wordly Fox. An Oliverian Colonel, a cunning griping Shar­per: a Widdower, but privately keeps a Mistress.
  • Franck Fox. His Son, a noble generous Person, who unknow­ingly has for some time converst with his Fathers Mistress under a false Name.
  • Sir Noisy Parrat. A prating whimsical Fool a great admirer of the Town.
  • Two Sparks of the Town, return'd from
    • Land. Jack Scaredevil a Bravo.
    • Sea. Tom Fulham a Gamester.
  • Plot. A Servant to Sir Worldly, but privatly a Freind to Franck; with whom he holds intelligence and is bound with him for his Debts.
  • Freindly. An honest honourable Gentleman, a Freind and Relation to Franck, and in love with Clarinda.
WOMEN.
  • Lady Wary. A Young rich discrete Widdow, and Sister to Freindly, bred up with Clarinda.
  • Clarinda. Daughter to Sir Worldly Fox.
  • Leonora. A Mistress kept by Sir Worldly, having for some time had an Intrigue with Franck under a false Name.
  • Her Aunt. Who brought up Leonora, and for Avarice ex­pos'd her to Sir Worldly; yet forced by Leonora to conceale her Intrigue with Franck.
  • Lady Wary's Maid. Clarinda's Maid, and Nurse.
  • A Woman Servant to Sir Wordly.

A Leiutenant, Seamen, their Wives, Fidlers &c.

To the right Honourable the Earl of Dor­set and Middlesex, Lord Chamberlain of their Majesties Houshold, and Knight of the most Honourable Order of the Garter.

My LORD,

WHen I had the Honour to present this COMEDY to your Lordships perusall I designed it as an ac­knowledgment, or rather as my first Fruits in the Dramatic way for the many Favours your Lordship had conferr'd upon me. But now it is forced to beg your Pro­tection from the malice and severe usage it receiv'd from some of my Ill natured Freinds, who with a Justice peculiar to themselves, passed sentence upon it unseen or heard and at the representation made it their business to persecute it with a barbarous variety of Noise and Tumult, that many of the well meaning Spectatours (for I am sure it had very few Hearers) must conclude it a very Criminall performance. As I should never have been vaine enough to have valued my self upon the opinion of such weake Judges, so I am not much mortified at my falling under their Indignation. But tho' I can easily forgive such an ungenerous way of proceedure in relation to my self, who never expected to subsist by the Stage; Yet it is a precedent of dangerous consequence, and may happen to fall very severely upon those Gentlemen whose ill fortune or Genius shall lead them to attempt this sort of writing. An unrighteous Faction may be formed against the Jastest, and most regular Composition; and no man is safe if these Gentlemen (whom we must allow good Criticks in dressing) shall assume to vent their ill grounded Fury, and spet their venome upon every Authour that en­deavours [Page] to divert them. At the same time 'tis my comfort that better Plays have met with the like fate from un­thinking imcompetent Judges: And without vanity seve­ral of a meaner Caracter have found a reception they ne­ver merited.

'Tis this Reflexion has somewhat releiv'd me under the late miscarryage of my Play and is a sensible satisfaction to me that your Lordship (who is acknowledg'd by all Parties for the most correct and Judicious writer, the truest Judge, and the most disinterested Partron; to be the delight, the ornament, and support of our Age) has been pleased to peruse and approve it. Your single Suffrage weighs more with me, and the thinking part of mankind, then the repeated acclamations of a numerous assembly.

My LORD, Should I vainly presume to discribe eve­ry inherent and particular Grace, that shines in the con­stellation of your Lordships Virtue: or enumerate those rare qualifications that have rendred your Lordship so universal­ly Esteemed, belov'd and admir'd, both at home and abroad; I should loose my self in the Rapture and Contemplation. But your Lordship has already receiv'd incense from hap­pyer hands but from none that has a profounder honour for your Lordship, then

My LORD,
Your Lordships most humble most Obedient and most Faithful Servant. Henry Higden.

THE PREFACE.

THis Play had the misfortune to come very unluckily on the Stage, where it found very few Freinds: Their prejudice had decree'd it should suffer under their Indignation, and before it was off the Stocks, had predestin'd it to Damnation. Their kindness being greater for the preceding Play, resolved they would see no sin in their Fa­vourite Jacob, but expose their unfortunate Esau to Reprobation, without the least hopes of a Blessing. The Theatre was by Faction transformed into a Bear-Garden, hissing, mimicking, ridiculing, and Cat-calling; the Actours could not support themselves against so strong a Currant. And if any came with a designe to be diverted, they were distracted with the variety of Noyses, and continual uproars; they could neither hear, nor Judge of the matter: Had any of the Ancient Romans reviv'd to have been witness to this Interlude, this medly of Noises; they would certainly conclude the Moon was labouring under some dismal Eclypse, and the Pagans of the Pit were endeavouring to recover her out of her Trance with this horrid din. The distracted Players were stunn'd with their clamours, and though they had often stood the shock of Thunder and Lightning on the Stage, yet now they found themselves con­founded in this real Tempest: They fancyed the Scene had been Translated into Sicily and the Earth had gaped to swallow these Grumbletonians, like the murmuring Israelites of old. Some dark Sons of uncertain Fathers, infi­nitely diverted themselves with their melodious Cat-calls, these Sons of Zerviah vanquished the Stage, back'd with the untuneable brayings of Balaams Asse that joyned in this dismal consort: In this distraction we may safely con­clude the Audience were wholly strangers to the Plot and conduct of the Play. And therefore it will be reasonable they should now read for their money what in the Action they could neither Hear nor Understand.

I am not Ignorant a just Cause may suffer under the prejudice of an Ignora­mus Jury, or an unjust Judge may stop his Ears against the voice of the Char­mer, and harden his heart to the severest Judgment; or that an incensed Mob may be wrought up to break thro' all Laws, and commit the highest outra­ges, and Barbarities. But after the fury of their military Execution is over they may relent of their rigour, and have some reserve of compassion for the unfortunate Martyr, that suffered their indignities with all constancy and Pa­tience. Had our unlucky Authour been worthy to have known they were absolutly bent to damn his Play, unsight unseen, his caution would have with­drawn him from the Thunder of their displeasure. But now we are con­vinc'd by the surprising success of the Baudy Batchelour, that the nicest La­dies [Page] may be brought (by good mannagment) to stand the fire of a smutty Jest, and never flintch for the matter. They are the sensible Judges that family duties can not proceed without the creature comfort: Nor Nature be well instructed without the help of a feskue. These Camelion Ladies cannot like the Spanish Jennets conceive by the ayr, or grow big with such a Timpany.

Tanquam conjugibus suis Mariti,
Non possunt sine Mentula placere.
What Sot can thinke to please a Beauty,
That wants wherewith to do his duty.

But I must beg the Ladies pardon that I introduce a Forreign Tongue, that can make use of their Mothers to a better advantage, but in a Preface it is necessary to sprinkle a little Latin, to shew our Breeding. The Authours are now convinc'd the Batchelour has touch'd upon the true string, to please and tickle: They are now grown more generous then to deny their sentiments and Inclinations, and scorn any such bashfull pretence, but openly avow and countenance that Poet, that seasons his Scenes with salt and good humour, to please the hant-gousts of their fancies: and make their Eares glow with licentious Farce, which they are resolv'd to stand by and justify: What though the Plots are old, and stale, they are so prettily jumbled and blended together they can never fail of being well receiv'd. Tho some nicer La­dies are of an opinion, that an impure Idea, that is obscene in the first con­ception (though never so cleanly wrapt up) can no way be made passable: But these are squeamish pallats that strain at a gnat in publick, and after make no bones of a Camel on occasion. What does it import if Parson Spin­text have a wicked design on the Alderman's wife? What harm was it if his agreable Impudence revenged the City cheats upon the Aldermans head, and exalted his horns above the rest of his Brethren? There cannot be a taking Play without some Limberham or fumbling Alderman, or keeper to expose▪ let the fair Gilt ingage her Gallant like a Spider in her own cob­web, before her poor Nickapoops face, unbar the sluces, that her kindness may run down in a mighty stream; let the lightning of Courtship melt his Daughters maidenhead in the scaboard, or chopping of that Hidra's Head of barren Virginity, let twins sprout up in their stead and let the Family of love be propigated quite through the City.

But hold, it is not reasonable for me to ramble into these pleasant forbiden paths, but say something besuteing this poor Brat I must now turn a drift into the World in melancholly weeds.

Vade sed incultus qualem decet exulis esse,
Infelix habitum temporis hujus habe.
Go on adorn'd thou curst abandon'd Play,
Let luckier Authours, court a happyer day.

[Page]I may well say Ʋnadorn'd, for there was nothing done for the advantage or decoration of this Play: not a farthing expended. When I had given them leave to Act it, I was told it was theirs, and they would Cooke it ac­cording to their own humour. Some of the Politick would be of the Coffee­house had given it an ill Name and Caracter and were glad to see it succeed accordingly. The Songs designed were never set by omission or com­bination: The Master of the Revells had expunged what he pleas'd, least forsooth it should prove Bawdy or give offence, thereby making the sense imperfect, which the Actours would not let me mend or supply; though now I submit it, to your Judgment as I first design'd it. The Actours cut out what they pleased to shorten their parts according to their own humours, and I must stand by and see it mutilated and dismembred before my Face: When it appear'd on the Stage, it was but an imperfect Rehearsall, for some could never repeat their parts, and therefore impossible they could Act them: Some were perfect and could have done it right, if others had been able to have play'd their parts up to them. I shall conclude with the words of Martiall.

Quem recitas meus est Fidentine libellus
Sed male cum recitas incipit esse tuus.
What you rehearse I writt to please the Town,
But while yon Act it Ill; 'tis all your own.

To the Authour of Sir Noisy Parrat: Or, the Wary Widdow.

WHy didst thou write in such a tastless Age,
When Boys and Coxcombs influence the Stage?
With Kindred Farce they're linkd in a strict 'tye,
And against Wit unite their noisy Cry.
Thy Reputation the vile Herd alarm'd,
And Whores and Sots against thy Play soon arm'd.
Some knew their Guilt, and therefore fear'd thy Wit.
And one Fool touch'd engages the whole Pit.
Confederate Fops in loud Conjunction sit
With Bully, Pimp, grave Bawd, and angry Miss
And all as for one common Interest Hiss.
Strong painted Satyr cou'd expect no less.
You must write duller, if you'd have success:
Lay Physick by, and humour the disease,
For dry insipid Farce will only please.
Caryl Worsly Esq.

Henrico Higden Suo.

QƲòd inquietâ voce, risu, Sibilis
Salésque comptos, & innoxios jocos
Superba Bruti turba sic exceperit:
Quòd purpuratus Infans, & vecors Eques,
Summóque Meretrix in subsellio sedens,
Totúsque Delicatulorum Circulus
In te, tuumque conjuraverint Opus:
Nolito questus irritos effundere,
Damnare Musas, increpare Apollinem,
Tanquam Poetae inserviant parùm súo.
Quin Drama tandem luce donans publicâ
Invisis orbem? Quin timoris tuscius
Vanas Maligniorum despicis minas?
Abundè damnum sic resarcies prius,
Famaeque consu [...]es. Lector dabit libens,
Quod improbus Spectator abnegaverat.
Tho. Brown.

To his Freind Mr. Higden. Upon the uncertainty of success in the DRAMA.

LEt Men of Sense give ore th' uncertain game
Where Wits with Fools at hazard play for fame,
Ʋpon the Square you may throw out a Nick,
Therefore wise Gamesters have recourse to trick;
And by Caball Squires, Ladies, Beaus, and Bullies,
Are joyntly mannag'd and drawn in for Cullies.
The worst of Cullies, others loose their pence,
But these are chows'd even of their Common Sense.
What Scribling Slave for such an Age wou'd drudge?
Who would write well when most so lewdly judge?
The Sovereign Mob decides the cause of wit;
For mob includes the universal Pit.
Yet he who writes with Spirit must contemn
Those Magistrates who by chance votes condemn:
[Page]As in some Foreign, little, wretched State,
The Burghers Tyrants are, and Laws create;
At precise times leave Cheating in their Shops,
And on the Bench turn legislative Fops;
So Sots at home bubled by Friends and Spouses,
Abroad are Sovereign Judges of both houses:
And an assembly which consists of Fools,
Without controul in Wits Dominions rules.
But as when Beasts by Brutal lust are Joyn'd,
They but arrive to propagate their kind,
So let ten Thousand fools to voting fall,
Folly will still be the result of all.
J. D.

To Mr. Higden.

NO longer your expected Play conceal,
But to a more impartial Court appeal.
The righteous Few, true to the Cause of Wit,
Will soon reverse the Sentence of the Pit.
Why should their Censure men of Sense alarm?
Those Sons of Muggleton can do no harm.
E'en let the Foplings save their nauseous breath,
For they have neither power of life, nor Death;
The wit, which oft their feeble malice dooms,
Outlives its Judges, nay outlasts their tombs.
Once t'was my chance to visit a sick Friend,
Whom dire foreboding Omens did attend,
His Doctor tells him, Sir your hour is nigh,
Send for the Parson and prepare to dye,
In vain the help of Physick you implore,
Art has been try'd, but art can do no more.
At this the angry Patient rais'd his head,
And Doctor do you then conclude me dead?
Peace you grave Sot: elsewhere your Cant bestow,
I'll bury half the Colledge ere I goe,
And spite of that learn'd Phyz, and reverend beard,
Will live to see your Rascalship interr'd.
Thus he ran on, and as his Stars decree'd,
Wae soon from his unkind distemper free'd,
Left his vain gaping kindred in the lurch,
And saw the Velvet Fop born decently to Church.
Tho. Browen

On Mr. Higdens Comedy

BY sensless, Faction, and a noisy Pit,
Our honest Poet's damn'd for want of wit,
Not in himself he has enough I swear
But suffers for it in his Auditor.
Else why should he, were that defect his Crime,
Fare worse then all his Brethren of the time?
From Spawn of Wills those wits of future Tense,
He now appeals to men of riper sense:
And hopes to find some shelter from the wrath
Of furious Criticks of implicit Faith.
Whose judgements always ebh, but zeal flows high,
Who for there truth upon the Church rely.
Wills is the Mother Church. From thence their Creed
And as that censures, Poets must Succeed,
Here the great Patriarch of Parnassus sits,
And grants his Bulls to the Subordinate Wits.
From this hot Bed, with Foplings we're opprest
That crowd the Boxes and the Pit infest.
Who their great Masters falling spitle they lick,
And at the neighb'ring Playhouse judge on tick,
Thus have I seen from some decaying Oak,
A numerous Toad-stool brood, his moisture suck
And as the Reverend Log his verdure sheds,
The fungous off-spring flourishes and spreads.
'Tis true a Legion of young Criticks may,
If so resolv'd, with Cat-calls damn a play:
Who doubts their power? tho' had he us'd his throat
Each Ass among them own'd a lowder note.
Well! let these sucking wits their whistles have,
Set off with Silver Bells, and Coral brave.
Let carefull Mother rub each tender gumm,
And make way for Satiric teeth to come.
Full grown they may with their own weapons fight,
They can already hiss, in time they'l learn to bite.
F. P.

To his Freind Mr. Higden.

FReind Harry, some Squeamish pretenders to thinking.
Say thy Play is incumber'd with eating and drinking▪
That too oft in all Conscience thy Table's brought out,
And unmercifull healths fly like Hail-shot about.
Such a merry Objection who ere cou'd expect
That does on the Town or its pleasures reflect?
Is a Treat and a Bottle grown quite out of fashion,
Or have the spruce Beaus found a new recreation?
At a Tavern I'm certain they seldom find fault,
When Flask after Flask in due order is brought:
Why then should the Fops be so monstrous incivil,
As to damn at a Play what they like at the Devil?
When to Moloc of old by way of Oblation,
Cross Dad of his Child did make a donation;
With Drums and with Trumpets the Preist made a Noise,
To stifle his groans, and extinguish his crys,
So our modern ill-natur'd young Jews of the Pit
When to damn a poor Author's attempt they think fit,
With a Consort of Cat-calls the House they alarm,
Least the wit of the Play, should their fury disarm.
How'er they may pass with the rest of the Nation,
Tho' their malice I blame, I commend their discretion.
For 'tis but convenient, you'l readily own,
That the Beast should perform, what the man would disown.
Tho. Palmer.

The Prologue.

ENvy and Faction rule this grumbling Age,
The State they cannot, but they shake the Stage,
This barren trade some woud engross, still hopeing
From our poor Port, to banish Interloping:
And like the plodding Lawyers, take great care
To elbow blooming merit, from the Bar:
In every Age there were a sort of Men
As you do now, damn'd all was written then.
Thousands before 'em less provok'd their Pride
Then one poor rivall straining by their side,
Such vermin Critticks we expect to find,
For Nature knows not how to loose a kind
The stinking Poll Cat, nor the Mole that's Blind.
But against old as well as new to rage,
Is the peculiar Phrensy of this Age.
Shackspear must down, and you must praise no more
Soft Desdemona, nor the Jealous Moor:
Shackspear whose fruitfull Genius, happy Wit
Was fram'd and finisht at a lucky hit
The Pride of Nature, and the shame of Schools,
Born to Create, and not to Learn from Rules;
Must please no more, his Bastards now deride
Their Fathers Nakedness they ought to hide,
But when on Spurs their Pegasus they force,
Their Jaded Muse is distanc'd in the Course:
All that is now has been before tis true,
But yet the Art, the Fashion may be new:
Tho' old Materials the large pallace raise,
The skillfull Architect deserves his praise.
If nothing please, you are not nice, but sick,
'Tis want of stomack, ever to dislike.
On our past Poets, petty Juries sit,
The Living sink beneath your present spite,
As if this were the doomsday of all wit.
But Beaus and Ladies for your selves be wise
You'l break our Lottery if none draw a Prize
For this one night, do as kind Lovers u [...]
Tye up strict Judgement and let fancy loose.

THE Wary Widdow: OR, Sir Noisy Parrat.

ACT. I.

Scene Covent-Garden.
Enter Scaredevil in a Fantastick habit as just return'd from the French-Camp.
Ecarede.

HOW empty this Town is grown, since this unlucky War. I have travers'd the Streets, and have not met with one of my Acquaintance: The Play Houses are silent; the Bowling-Greens abandond; not a Vizor stirring in the Mall: I have beat it one the Hoof quite thro' the City; Ransack'd our old quarters, and Rendevouz; and cannot start one Honest Fellow to commu­nicate my thoughts with: Nor so much as a Whore roving about to pick up Coach hire: Well, if this wicked lewd Town continues under so strict a Discipline and Reformation, it will be high time to bid adeiu to this scene of Sin and Seacoal: And trudge down to my last Reserve of Country Friends, the Topers: There's a sure Card for good plaine wholsome Eating and Drinking: A change of Rayment for these Martiall habiliments, and a Patent, to Spunge the Manufacture of the Nation, Potent Beer: Well— I see I must turn over a new Leafe; And now I think out, I have as much Learning as is Necessary for a Country Parson, and shall have Wit enough, to accept of A handsome Chambermaid with a fair Living to boot, when my Patron has given her Earnest for a Son and Heir— and said Grace to the Ban­quet—

Enter Tom Fulham in a Ta-pawling habit.

But see kind Fortune has reviv'd me with the sight of an old Companion. Tom Fulham welcome I say into our antient Territories and Dominions of Covent-Garden

Ful.

My dear Freind, Jack Scaredevel! Welcome into my Armes! But the Circumstance of your Campaign-garb; together with the Circumflex of your Whiskers, had almost remov'd you, out of the Landmark of my Remembrance.

Scar.
[Page 2]

And the roughness of your Tarpawling Habit, had almost josled you out of my thoughts: I was wondring what was become of that proper Bean, that could not stir without a Coach or a Chair at Midnight: Lest the Dampness of an injurious Mist might put his Wigg out of the Curle: Or the roughness of the Wind discompose it: But I am glad to see thee clear come off, Lad.

Ful.

Yes faith— I am clear come of and as Lank as a shotten herring! I have mew'd all my Feathers, and nothing left to bless my self, or pawn for a Reckoning: But prithee, Dear Jack! what Booty amongst the Bourghers? what plunder amongst the Boors? what rich Trophies has thou brought home to Dazle us?

Scar.

Just as much as you see: The Boors fled into Villages and secur'd themselves with a safeguard: And the Bourghers were still to nimble for us— They never sufferd it to come to a Seige but Capitulated before hand; or surrendred on the first Summons— and very Civilly turnd Tennents to the French, who as civilly receiv'd em, paying their old Rents and Customs: and a new fine into the Bargain. And having March'd us off our Legs, turnd us like Hackneys to Graze in Winter Quarters till the next Spring — But how hast thou acquir'd this Honourable Mayme, and made a shift to halt home a Cri­ple— that the last winter couldst out-run a Legion of Bailiffs? and out strip a Constable at the head of the Fleetest pack of his Hounds the Watchmen?

Ful.

Fortune of the War, an unlucky Splinter in the late Engagement, but tis in a fair way of Recovery—I wish I could as soon recover my broken Con­dition: of which this Empty Town gives me but a Mellancholy-Prospect.

Scar.

Come Bully Tarr. Never let us despair of good Fortune. Wee that (to the envy of the Sharpers) have like Oyle floated on the Tide of Business, will not fear to be stranded in this low Ebb of affaires: Twas well thy right hand Escap'd that unlucky Splinter: which might have disabled the best Ar­tist in Christendom: Ah that surprising Top: that nimble side, that dex­trous management, that gallop and change, that Legerdemain! that clever Conveyance of the Doctor, can never want while there are Cards, Dice or Quick-Silver stirring in this Nation.

Ful.

Twas well my carefull Friends gave me some breeding.

Scar.

Rather give the just praise to thy own Industry: Thy Father was Broke ere thou wast fit to go to the Hospitall— whence thou cam'st a Raw-Boy — and hadst the good Luck to strike in an under Agent to a knowing Gang, and improving the Talent of thy towardly Genius, quickly pickt up a Competent stock of Knowledge: and insight into Men and Manners. Which, with thy Naturall assurance bore thee out in all Company.

Ful.

But your high Extract Don Bravo remaines as obscure as the Head of the River Nile, or the Barren Mountaines, where you were first rear'd, and your true name as unknown: I have heard thee answer to above a Grand-Jury of Christian Names: And as for Monseur Scaredevil — I suppose it is your Name of War: gain'd to your immortall Fame by some honourable Atchieve­ment. And why may not you be a Herald to your self as well as a Godfather: and derive your pedigeree from what Heroe God or Devill you think fit? [Page 3] But a late curious Antiquary has Search'd deep into your Original. And the first station he trac'd you in, was an under Usher to a Country Fencing-School. And being quit of that Honourable imployment, you promoted your self a Spunger at a Billiard Table, and for making a Lucky thrust in a quarrel, wert adopted a Brother of the Blade, where sometime you flourish'd on the Sallary of a Hackny Second to all Comers, without Consideration of Honour, Quarrell, principle of Friendship, or Justice, and full as Mercenary as the Swisse, would throw down your Arms, unless the ready Gelt were produc'd on the Spot, then invading all Companies with wondrous Confidence, you fail'd not upon hard drinking to make some advantage of the Reeling Company.

Scar.

Well— thy rallying has shown thee a man of Parts: And for thy malice I will recommend thee for one of the Club when they sit in Conjun­ction to hatch the next Lampoon: Prithee why shou'd thou and I turn Satyrists on one anothers misfortune? and like hot-braind Disputants betray the blind­ness of each others Cause, to the malitious Censure of the by standers? who like sly Atheists will take the Advantage to ridicule us both: let us like the Distress'd States combine against all rich and wealthy Strangers and set up for a Pyraticall State?

Ful.

Your advice is good— but such designes must be shadow'd under a fair pretence, and false Colours must be us'd to decoy the prize within our power— no Fish will bite at a bare Hooke. And every Novice will take us by our Trim for Picaroones. And will rather chuse to run to rights on a strange shore, than come within command of our shot— I have been Cruising here these two Days and cannot discover one Saile may administer Comfort.

Enter Sir Noisy Parrat with his Servants.
Scar.

But here is a Lucky Rogue, spreads his Canvas, may make us all savers, and repair our Shipwrackt Fortunes— while the painted Jay is must­ring his glittering Equipage, and priding himselfe in his borrow'd plumes. I will prepare you with a hint of his Character. This Knight is one of the Cocking Top-Fools in the Town, born to an Estate able to bear out his most Extravagent Folly. He brags much of his Valour, and knowledge in gaming and other the modish arts of the Town: but is at the bottom a rank Bubble, and a fitting Toole to be wrought upon by wiser men: But the Fox must sometimes flatter this Daw, that he may drop his Chese for a Song. But you will ken him upon the first view: Sir Noisy Parrot, we are your most humble Servants, and rejoyce at our most Lucky-Fortune (being just ar­riv'd) to encounter the very life and spirit of Wit and good humour: Were the whole Race of Modish well-bred Sparks quite Extinct your single Exam­ple were enough to restore and qualifie the Age.

Ful.

You are the approved Rule and Standard of all Gallantry: a pattern sitting for the world to imitate and Coppy, having the absolute Ascendant over all the Ladys which you govern without Controul.

Sr. Nois.

No faith Gentlemen, my wit and good humour is grown very Dull of late: I am so damnably over-run with Honourable Love, my thoughts are wholly taken up with raptures and contemplations: making my Court and Addresses to the bright Object of my Devotions, which has put me to a [Page 4] continual pumping my Brains till they are as dry as Saw-Dust.

Ful.

Certainly that Lady must have more than a humane wit, that can hold repartee with so prodigious a Master of it, or can defend her self against the attaques of so invincible a Conquerour.

Sr. Nois.

I have not given Nature a fillip, or cloa'd my Body with a Brimmer this week! And my parts and faculties grow rusty for want of Scowering and Furbishing: But I have made a discovery of most delicious Burgundy! Just stoln in from France, and to avoid all scandall we will be very drunk in private, and hear the History of our Campaign-Friends on the other side of the water. Pox on't if I had not bin engag'd in this Foolish passion. This Love intrigue: I should have made a figure among 'em. But now I am like to Flux; Marry and Settle, and am Condemn'd to raise up Issue to my Fore-Fathers! And sleep forgotten with my Country Ancestors.

Scar.

Your Freinds are concern'd your Amours and engagements have disappointed them of the honour of your Company? And you lost the fair Oppertunity of Signalizing your self in Arms and raising up Trophies to your Immortal name! But the little Archer will be obey'd: and lead grim Mars where he pleases in Triumph. But for the History of our Heroes in­gag'd in the War, it shall be deferr'd till we have the honour to kiss your hands over a Bottle.

Sr. Nois.

And drink a health to all the Sparks and Sharpers abroad: not forgetting their poor disconsolate Misses, that sit languishing and forlorn at home: Poor Souls! They have run thro' a long Lent of Pennance and Mortification: I would willingly have the Fiddles, a Treat, and the Diversi­on of Ballum Ranckum with Loose. But such a frollick, if smoak'd might cause a rupture in our Matrimonial Treaty, which is now far advanc'd. But for the present we must banish Venus out of our Calender, Jolly Bacchus shall re­joyce our hearts, and be our Dominical Letter, making our Eyes sparkle like flaming Carbuncles; but at present I am in hast to pay a visit to my Mi­stress: but must call in the way for a Copy of Verses made in praise of her excellence, tho' I may Justly boast I have as good a fancy as any of the Ry­ming Tribe. But my thoughts are too busy to trouble my head about such Trumpery.

Scar.

Then we must conclude you are smitten to some purpose? when you Dabble so deep in Poetry!

Sr. Nois.

I am grown lazy and cannot perform all offices at once and there­fore have provided my self with a Journeyman Poet—a certain Reteiner to the Muses, and let him Rook now and then a Guinny to twelve to encourage his fancy: And I believe he has as pretty a way of Cooking up a piece of In­vention, as most of their Thread bare Mistery! Well Gentlemen; call me exactly at Four at the Rose Tavern.

Ambo.

We will not fail —

Exit Sir Noisy, Parrot.
Scare.

This Fool is much admir'd among the Ladies for a Wit, and a Gal­lant. And among the Fops for a man of parts: He brags much of his cunning & Knowledge of the Town, and talks of false Dice when he has 'em in his hand. [Page 5] When to those that have the Courage to attack him, he it as secure and humble a bubble as ever was bit, at Cole under the Candlestick! He has not good na­ture enough to do a Friendly office: But must be Driven like a Deer into the Toyle.

To them Enter Frank Fox.

But here comes Frank Fox, a Man of a generous Nature, that will help a Friend at a pinch; And has courage to call any man to account, that fails to make him a suitable Return.—

Fra.

Welcome my brace of Warriours! you from the Camp, You from on Board, as your several habits seem to confirm me! And how go matters a­mong the Hero's of the Age?

Scar.

We sought not our private Advantage abroad: our end was the ho­nour and service of our Country!

in a lofty strain.
Fra.

This publick concern ought to be encourag'd and rewarded: But some malicious spirits will suggest, 'twas hopes of pay and plunder ingag'd you in the War: Else who can think that men of Wit and Sence: wholly disinterested in any Forreign-French quarell, should voluntary ingage their mercenary Hands in all sorts of Cruelty and Barbarity: without pretence of Justice. To every Brave and Gallant man all Just and fair respect is due; but this Town of late has been so pester'd with a sort of young raw confident pretending Fops, who returning from abroad, by their Grimace, nauseate all men of Discerning sence. I saw the other day a young Spark return'd in Triumph from the Campaign, Strutting and Swaggering with a most dreadful Meine, Cocking and looking as haughty as if he had retaken the Imperial Standard, or accomplish'd some wonderful atchievement: hoping with his arrogant Looks to Hector the world into a Beliefe that he had chang'd his Nature, as well as his Garb: His discourse was embroyder'd with Flowers he had cull'd out of the Gazet, mixt with some French Termes of art, which Jargon of Discourse, he mingled and put most awkardly toge­ther. But tho' this Asse was so well disguis'd in the Lions skin, the dull Annimal was quickly discover'd by his Brayeing and exalted Ears, and Ex­pos'd to the scorn and Contempt of the Company.

They smelt the Fop out in the shining Vest.
Apes will be Apes tho' in rich Scarlet drest.
Scar.

Such pretenders talk much of Robin Hood that never had the honour to shoot in his Bow, and give occasion to those that live at ease at home to rally poor Soldiers, that for their sakes expose themselves to hazzard and fatigues abroad.

Fra.

'Twere unkind in you to suspect, I would joyn with the ill natur'd World in such a baseness; Tho' I cannot sufficiently contemn such pretend­ing Blockheads: I know how to value men of Merit: That may be reduc'd by the uncertain Chance of War, which often happens to the most free and Generous Spirits: I know you to be men of mettle, and Blades that deserve to be adorn'd in richer Scaberds: Here Gentlemen, command my present Stock;—

gives em' his purse.

Share it, and get your selves rig'd in a Christian habit, you look at present like [Page 6] some strange Americans in a Map, or some Heathen Prince to be shew'd in Bartholmew Fair for money: Meet me at the Rose at two. And then I shall Communicate a matter to you, In which I shall desire your assistance? in the mean time I must walk a turn or two here in Expectation of my Father. Your Servant—

[He walks.]
Scar.

Well go thy ways for an honest Worthy obliging fellow! And tho' his noble Nature is crampt with a griping Fathers bare allowance, yet he knows how to serve a Friend at a pinch.

Ful.

He's a sharp Lad and knows the World: and how to place a benefit to advantage.

Scar.

While some ungainly Fellows manage their kindess so Awkardly they affront those, they pretend to serve, and made them blush that they are beholding to such Brutes.

Ful.

This generous assistance has rescu'd us from the Gulf of Despair, and we will serve to the hazard of our lives: of which his last words seem to hint, he should make a sudden proof. How many rich sordid Heirs wallowing in endless wealth that can present profusely to a flattering Bawd—or a Jilting painted Mercenary Whore; but would be damn'd ere they would oblige an honest brave wanting Friend; Let's Devide his Benevolence.

Scar.
Forty Guinneas to a Doit.
I have an old Suit in Limbo will Equip me to a hair.
Ful.

But my Wardrop is past all redemption, I must to the Brokers and rig my self against the Time, we'le meet at the Rose.

Exeunt.
Enter Sir Wordly, Fox and Plot.
Sir Wor.

Is Mr Scattergoods further Mortagage prepar'd?

Plot.

It is, Sir Worldly

Sir Wor.

And have you drawn a Warrant to Confess Judgment in Eject­ment? That I may have the Stirrop ready to mount into the Saddle of posses­sion, I believe I have advanc'd to the full of the Estate:—The Auctions in the East-India Company run very high at present, and I am resolv'd to dis­pose of my stock there, and place it upon Terra firma: on a fat Mortgage? or a Purchase—Let my Daughter know I would have her receive Sir Noisy's Addresse for Marriage, he has a great Estate in Land and Money? and refers the Settlement to me. Who will take care to hamper him, and secure her Fortune; on this Marriage: That it shall not fall into Huckstirs hands, and be Extravagantly spent and Squander'd, She ought to look on this Match as a great Blessing, and not grow perverss and Humersome like her Brother. I am to meet Sir Noisy at my Councils Chamber, when 'tis dark—go home.

Exit Plot.
Re-enter Frank Fox.
Fr Fox.

I was at your House to Pay my Duty and am glad to wait you here.

Sir Wor.

Excuse me Sir. I am not Supple enough to return your Comple­ment, and for your Duty Sir, 'tis but a word of Course, pray Sir, know the use of you Hat: there needs no Ceremony between us, a man of ripe Age, and one might have made me a Grandfather, if he would have us'd the means, but a willful humour blasted my hopes.

Fr Fox.
[Page 7]

I hope Sir you will be entreated to pass by this single act which looks like Disobedience. You have taught me Sir, that Love and Friendship ought to be chosen; and not Compell'd, and to Marry without Love, is to bind a living Body with a Dead: When ever I design that knot, I will be solely Govern'd by your Judgment.

Sir Wor.

I must refer you Sir, in what concerns your self to stand and fall by your own Management, I will not be so Idly Curious to concern my Thoughts for him I cannot Govern: And for your Debts. They were not Contracted, by any fault or Encouragement of mine: Heaven has blest you Sir with helps, my youth could ne'r pretend to: and yet I weather'd For­tunes utmost malice. I went a raw School-Boy to Oxford. And but a freshman when the War begun: I Left the Studious for an Active life: and finding none prefer'd at Court, but for some by Interest, or Downright money, I was condemn'd to take the Luckier side. From thence rose Gradually to be a Collonel. Finding an Heiress fitting for my purpose, I marryed her, with­out considering either Wit or Beauty. An Estate was the only thing had the Witchcraft to inchant and fix my happiness. Then secur'd by the act of In­demnity, I bid adeiw to all Military Imployments: my Wife, dying Early I have above Ten Years remain'd a Widdower, unwilling to overcharge my Fa­mily with a second Brood: But having in you met a Disappointment in my Designs, I resolve henceforward to please my self, and choose a partner in my Bed and Fortune.

Fr. Fox.

Let your indulgence wink at what is past: my Care shall still com­ply with your Commands.

Sir Wor.

Then you shall find me an indulgent Father?

Ex. Sir Worldly.
Fr. Fox.
The Conduct of this old man vexes me!
Solus.
His starch'd behaviour over-Ceremonious:
As if his Malice study'd for revenge:
I would not drive him to a Desperate humour:
To fix his Thoughts upon a second Match;
Or Marry my Cast Mistress:
Who in her Pride may Lord it over me!
And seeke my torment for Apostacy:
None know how sweet Revenge is to that Sex?
Which I'le prevent, and marry her to Parrot:
Hedg in a Summe shall cleer me of my Debts?
Which his Indulgence made me first contract
And now abandons me unto the World.
'Tis this compells me to an Act immorrall
Which I my self condemn, but cann't avoide:
Hee who constrains me thus to stretch my Wit.
And forces the occasion pardons it.
Enter Plot.
Why are your Lookes so Mellancholly Plot?
Plot.

I am considering (a point you take but little care off.) how to stop [Page 8] mouths of your barking Creditours; which if I find not some to silence, I shall be swallow'd alive in prison: and you may live to make Dice of my Bones: I am so disturb'd and alarm'd with their Threats and dunning Epi­stles, that I can take no repose? If your Father did but know my hand was with you, and my friendship to you had involv'd me in this affair I should be discarded from his Service.

Fr. Fox.

Well Plot: what Expedient have you thought upon to stop this dangerous Leak; which threatens to sink our Crassy Vessell, and prove a common ruine to us both.

Plot.

I declare I am at a loss—what says your Father? will he not advance?

Fr. Fox.

He is so offended with my refusing that Squintifego-Crump for a Bride, that he has discarded me with my bare allowance to buckle with the World.

Plot.

He had set his heart upon that Match: 'Twas his darling Device: which he had sat long a hatching: but your obstinate refusal blasted his hopes. and made him desperate-mad: Disappointing him of the rich Harvest he had so long Dreamt of: Hang it, why should a Tyrannical Father think to com­pell his only Son to marry an Heiress worth Sixty Thousand pounds, contrary to his Inclination, though he brib'd him with a Settlement of 1500l. per annum. And secur'd the rest after his Death. Had you had the Grace to have Comply'd, these petty Debts would not have stung us like Hornets, as now they do: Then you had amaz'd and dazled the world with your shining Epuipage. And appear'd the Glory and envy of the Town: The enchanting Ladies would have ador'd and cry'd you up for the most happy Conquerour and you might put their hearts under what Contribu­tion you had pleas'd, you cannot guess Sir at the Magick power of Riches, which can in a moment transform a Seseless Brute into an accomplish'd Gen­tleman.

Fr. Fox.

What need I despair, or poorly Compound for a Despised Live­lyhood, when my Fortune stands fair before me, and assures me all things will succeed most happily: None can Disappoint me of my Fathers Estate: And I had rather be a Gally-Slave, than chain'd to the Embraces of her I hate.

Plot.

Tho' Love is ador'd as a powerfull God among the Superstitious Troop of idle votaries: yet to Wisemen, he's but an Empty nothing, and us'd as a Cloake to cover politick designes:

Love and Religion Serviceable Tooles:
To the Wise Artist: Dangerous to Fools.
Fr. Fox.

Hold a little Sir: let me stop you in the Career, of your Ha­rangue: and intreat the assistance of your Tallent to matters in hand.

Plot.

I stand Corrected Sir: and must own that a Florid Philosophicall Dis­course will be as unseasonable and ridiculous in our present Condition as Sir Hudibrass grave set of Moralls in the Stocks: 'tis better Imitating the Wiser Conduct of Court Preachers, that never disgust their Audience with a dangerous Truth: and by that means run the hazard of bilking themselves of a long hunted preferment. But is there no means left to mollify your obdurate clutch-sist Father? Did you urge your Necessities home?

Fr. Fox.
[Page 9]

With all the winning Rhetorick and art of perswasion I could, but his heart was not to be softned with all my Arguments; and like a Dia­mond bore it without any Impression: He told me, since I had refus'd the Settlement he had propos'd: and disappointed him of the satisfaction of seeing me marry'd: it was the Effect of my roving Fancy: He had known many like Gipsies, better pleas'd to follow their own humour and Inventions then confine themselves to any settled Course of Life: and was pleas'd to find he was related to a Son that had Wit enough to Swim in the world without being beholding to the Bladders of his Friends assistance.

Plot.

Then 'tis but reasonable since he condemns you to live by your wits he should feel the first Stroak of your Fancy.

Fr. Fox.

And I have a Project just now teeming in my brains shall make us savers to the Tune of a Thousand—But of that hereafter. How does my Sister receive Parrats addresses?

Plot.

Who? my good Friend and Patron Sir Noisy? He has chosen me of his Cabinet Council in this affair, and prime Confident: He is smitten up to the Hilts with your Sister!

Fr. Fox.

How does she receive him?

Plot.

Very coldly.

Fr. Fox.

I like it the better, and am resolv'd you shall do a double Favour, in ridding her of a troublesome Gallant; and assisting in a Marriage, De­sign'd between the aforesaid Knight your Friend, and a Damsell of my inti­mate acquaintance. You may easily bring it about because he trusts you!

Plot.

Of your acquaintance! nay then he'le have a fine time on't—Sir I must heartily beg your pardon in this Case: I would be ready to do you any Service my self. But my Conscience will not let me dispence with a Breach of Trust: What? betray a Friend: you must hold me Excus'd!

Fr. Fox.

Betray a Friend, betray a Coxcomb! There is no more obligation for a Man of Wit and Sence to keep the peace or Friendship with a Fool, then for a Turk to observe Articles with a Christian, or a Papist with a Here­tick. There's a mutual parity requir'd in the bonds of Love and Friendship, and where one side is turn'd Bankrupt, the other on Course remains no longer bound: And for Conscience 'tis but a blind Stalking-Horse! to cover designs: A sham pretence, not to be spoke of among men of wit. But to re­move all Scruples, Accomplish this, and for it, and your Services past and to come: I will confirm you an Annuity of one hundred pounds per annum. un­der hand and Seal, payable on my Marriage or my Fathers Death.

Plot.

Sir I am much edifi'd by your Learned Distinction, and must con­fess you have such a strange Winning bewitching power over my frail foolish Nature, a very Tempting Motion, which I cannot refuse being accompa­ny'd with Gain.

Fr. Fox.

I fear it will be heard to trap the old Fox.

Plot.

I rather distrust the young Fop, who is naturally apt to Blink and Boggle: But the old one is by long Success: grown confident and will swal­low the Bait.

All Novices are Shy: But a new Trick
Does the Old Gamester most securely Nick—
Ex. Plot.
Fr. Fox.

This fellow has a subtle Brain, and a Genius sit for Business: he had his first seasoning, under a petty-fogging Solliciter. And there grew well acquainted with the Nicking part of Business, but straining a Knavish point too high, was forc'd to fly beyond Sea for the safety of his Ears: till the persecution was past, and there accomplish'd himself in all Forreign as well as Domestick Politicks: At his return Fortune threw him on my Father's Ser­vice, where by his Dexterity of management, He has wound himself into his affairs, and is become Prime Minister in the Conduct of his most impor­tant matters. I have by degrees drawn him over, and fixt him of my party, and by that means am Master of all my Fathers Secrets, which come with­in the Sphere of his knowledge. And knowing only Interest could secure him, I have promis'd him Mountains, when Fate calls the old man aside, and in the mean time drew him in to be bound for my Debts, which will oblige him to any hazardous undertaking, will work him out of his ingagements, I must make use of him to advance an other hundred pound. Credit is like a Pump grows dry for want of working, one hat full of water puts it in Tune, then you may serve your self and friend, and fill your Cisterns against a further occasion.

Enter a Vizour Mask and presents him with a Letter— He reads —

Earnest Bus'ness gives you this trouble and I request you will meet me at Rosa­monds Pond at Eleven this morning. I shall be habited. &c.

Madam you have serv'd me with a Processe of Love in nature of a Bille deux, to which I answer I am at present no Idle Fellow; but oblige to take up one Hundred Pounds, if I can perswade an honest obliging Person to lay it down: Now if you, or any kind Friend of yours, will advance me such a Sum? I will give you personall Security; or be Bound Body for Body.

Mas.

Mine is an Affair of Consequence and might concern you to make a more serious Answer?

Fr. Fox.

I have been so bit under Vizours that I am under a Promise to be no more deluded, Except you convince me, you're a new Face?

Mas.

Then I remove all obstructions to the Treaty: I own my Creden­tialls bare Fac'd.

Fr. Fox.

And it is a very pretty one. Let you and I retire to my Lodg­ing? hard by: and adjust matters in private?

Mas.

Hold Sir, I am but an Ambassadress; and claim Protection by the Law of Nations: And if you press me further, I will call in the Mobile to my Assistance.

Fr. Fox.

Well thy Beauty has ingag'd me to meet; but if you Gilt me, I will be reveng'd on those two twinking Stars if er'e I meet 'em.

Ex. Fox.
Mas.

I must wait my Ladies coming, 'tis much about the time of her coming from Church, she has been at prayers she may be Lucky in this Ad­venture? Oh! here she comes.

Enter Lady Wary.
La. Wa.

Well, did you deliver my Letter?

Maid.
[Page 11]

I did, and he has assur'd me he will meet at the hour.

La. Wa.
My Brother has propos'd him for a Husband:
Rendring his Character and Fortune Fair:
But Friendship like to Love proves often Blind.
Misleading the frail Judgment into Error:
It most concerns me nearly to Descry
The Rocks and hidden Quick-Sands of his humour.
And the rough Passions which infest his mind:
I cannot be too Curious in my Search:
On which my Future happiness depends:
He once may Lord it ore my Mind and Fortune!
If I in this disguise meet him by Chance
He will appear to me in his true Colours.
A sudden Speech discovers more the heart
Then Courtship made by study'd rules of Art.
The weakest Lover will provide Disguise,
To hide his failings from his Mistress Eyes:
Thro' this Disguise I as a spy may see,
Th' unwary posture of the Enemie;
Like a Dark Lanthorn Vizors are design'd,
To light before, while all's conceal'd behind.
End of the First Act.

ACT. II.

Enter Clarinda and Nurse.
Clar.

MY Dearest Nurse, by whose Counsell I have hitherto conducted my self let your advice rescue me from this Insolent preten­der Sir Noysy Parrat whom I most perfectly hate.

Nur.

And you desire my opinion? Therefore I will first shut the Door; for it is very improbable where there is more then two Women concern'd, Counsell should be long conceal'd.

Clar.

I have an Aversion for this troublesome Fellow, that talks sleeping and wakeing without staying for, or expecting an Answer: His discourse is set to the tune of his own Praise or Commendation, Extolling and valuing himself (as he imagins) on his nightly Debauches, Quarrells, Rancounters, Duells disorders and the Love of many great Ladys who languish and dye for his sake: Though none regard, or give beleife; to his Fabulous and Romantick Adventures.

Nur.

It will be dangerous in you to oppose the Currant of your Fathers humour and cross his design: and you will find him Resolute Batt when he sets upon it. Therefore it will be best to comply with his humour and dissemble obedience: least you may run the Riske your brother has done [Page 12] for his Obstinacy: Bid Sir Noisy wellcome with all the Gayety imagina­ble; that he may fancy by the freedom and indifferency of your humour you were bred up amongst those talking treating Gossiping Intreaguing La­dys: That will toss a Bottle and take up a Storie in their eares upon oc­casion. Hint it to him, since your Father will have it so, you are very indifferent in the point of Marriage: will comply with his fancy, but choose with your own: That you look on Marriage as a humane Politick Inven­tion, a sort of a Smith-field-Bargain where inclinations are bought and Sold: or swopt away for present Interest. Carry it on with Gayety and Gallan­try of Humour: Talk much of Plays, Musick, Meetings, Balls the Mall, and freedom of Conversation: And I'le secure you he shall be the first shall recant, and pay a round forfeiture to be well off the Bargain. If he declines his Courtship your Father will have no reason to Complain, for though Men are never so deprav'd and Debauch'd in their own Prin­ciples, they wish their Wives should be Examples the other way.

Clar.

Well Nurse I am satisfy'd you have propos'd the true way to bring me off, and I will try to Act it to the life; when he comes next the whole Scene shall be chang'd and I will over do it with Extravagant whimsy and Frolick, and so nauseate his appetite that he shall never af­ter think of Matrimony.

Nur.

Well, we'le goe in and prepare our selves for Action, Study our Qs and rehearse our parts and I will be near and prompt, if I find your Natural Modesty at a loss, I be ready to assist, and I'le warrant you wee will send him away like a Dog with a rattle at his Tayle.

Exeunt.
SCENE. The Park.
Enter Lady and her Maid.
La.

Doe you think the Spark will meet?

Ma.

He looks more like a Cavaleir then to break his Word.

La.

Prithee give me an exact Account of what past at the delivery of my Letter?

Ma.

At first he laught and told me he was a Man of business, and had abundance of Irons in the fire, and could not be spared to waite on these Vaine, Idle assignations. That he was just going to take up a hundred Pounds if he knew any person would be so civill to lay it down. I told him if he knew the fair Lady sent the Letter he would court the occasion. He replyed he had been so often banter'd with Letters and Mask's that he was resolv'd never to stir one foot on such sleeveles errands except my Face would perswade him. For he hated an old acquaintance worse then durty Linnen, a dunn, or a Bill of Exchange without money to answer it. I discover'd my Face and found grace to ingage him to meet at the time and Place. Well madam, are you not under some concern to meet this dangerous man of War, that has been flush'd with so many Victories? He has made many a poor heart sigh, or the world fowly belyes him. Love is often Imperious and domineering and will not be check'd and govern'd by Reason.

La.

Doubt not, I shall defend my own with Gallantry and Resolution. But [Page 13] I'le advance him the Money on certain Conditions which if he breakes I'le hate and despise him.

Ma.

Courage madam, the Enemy approaches.

Enter Frank.
Fr.

By all the fair Tokens of my Letter of advice: Madam, you are Consign'd hither. And I am to be the happy Factor of so compleat a Cargo?

La.

You talk like a Merchant, come hither on some design of purchase or Exchange. But I must declare my self an utter stranger to the affaires of your Negotiation. I hope I may Saile here, under the protection of the Kings Chamber, in these narrow Seas: without any imbargo, constraint or further Examination from any Pikaroon that Cruises here for Purchace.

Fr.

You may perceive by this Letter,

[shews his Letter.]

that I am come here upon an Honourable Assignation, and If you agree with the Market in the Margent, I must discourse with you further on that Subject.

[She reads and returns it.]
La.

Sir you see I do not agree in habit with your Description, and rather believe you are some pyrate, or Corfaire that haunt this Coast to snap a Prize, under false Colours and pretence?

Fr.

My Colours truly declare what Prince I serve: But I have greater Reason to suspect your Truth, that conceal your Commission with your Face? But my open pretences give me a fairer Character.

La.

The Ladies that haunt the Boxes, and travers the Mall, enquiring af­ter every proper Gentlemans Circumstances, make a Figure there, know Mr. Fox's fair Expectations: But no Woman of Fortune will venture for Better for worse, without ample Settlements and a seperate Maintenance, if Husbands should prove base, unkind, or unjust; in these Cases 'tis good to have Two strings to ones Bow.

Fr.

I know some have had Twenty, and worn 'em to the Stumps.

La.

Those are a fort of Roving Spirits: But a sober Musician will try what Melody can be made on a Trump Marine with one single String, ra­ther then entertain a Scandalous Consort.

Fr.

But Madam, since you are so well acquainted with mine: Let me be beholding to you for your own Character?

La.

That will availe you nothing: our Circumstances differing in every Point, and I like other Artists can paint my Description as fair as I please. You having had no sight of [...]e Original to contradict it: But to comply with your desire: I am a Widdow, my days of mourning with my Garments are almost at an End: My husband died rich and Loved me passionately; and it was my Care to preserve it, till misfortune parted us: he left me in full possession of all which many think Considerable enough.

Fr.

Your person is more valuable then the Indies: And I am most infi­nitely charm'd with your wit and humour. Let me beg you will remove that dark Cloud which obscures the Noblest Object.

La.

Want of knowledg is the True mother of Devotion: And a conve­nient distance often makes us adore those Mysteries, which on a more [Page 14] familiar acquaintance, we should slight and despise: If you think it worth your enquiry, I will preserve it for a further interveiw: Let my first in­junction request you will press it no further which will oblige me to more freedom hereafter: But if your Curiosity makes you pry further into my reserve, instead of your promis'd Juno, you will meet an empty Cloud, or at least will prove so to you—

Fr.

Madam your Commands oblige me more then an Oath or an Act of Parliament. I beg your pardon, for my inquisitive humour, and will press no further: I am wrapt up into the Heavens of Imagination! Your Wit and Conversation has rais'd me into an Extazy: Your shape mein and charming accents of your Voice, has ravish'd me from my selfe. Ʋlisses when he past thro' the Consort of the Syrens was not more Transported.

La.

'Twas well his forecast had piniond him to the Mast, to secure him from those fluttring Designes, would have ensnar'd his Life.

But I must not permit you to proceed in this rapture: 'Tis possible time may discover such a Face, that may damp your Devotion and put it out of humour.

Fr.

There never was so fair a Temple built but was inhabited by some­thing divinely Excellent.

La. Wa.

When Fancy has rais'd you to the tipptoes of your Imagination: you must at last consider your Mistress attributes are but mortall: Sudden pas­sions like furious Earthquakes, cause a Commotion and Expire; whereas more Calm and regular sits are more permanent and lasting. The information I have given you in my own affairs incourages me to enquire after the Hi­story of your Amours: A person of your youth and Temper, cannot but have intrigues on foot: Deal sincerely with me, for if Time ar Accident shall discover your falsehood, I shall suspect you vehemently in the rest.

Fr. Fox,

I condemn the rigour of my Misfortunes without my fault: Chance at a Masquerade, brought me acquainted with a young handsome Woman: Beautifull to a miracle; she liv'd in a solitary house in the out­skirts of the Town: with an Aunt, as her Governess. I made my frequent visits, but with a Caution under a false name: And at last made a Discovery she was kept by an old Gentleman: My Curiosity did not press to know fur­ther. We continued in this happy Circumstance, for some time: When a cross accident blasted all my hopes and has made an Eternal Seperation: But I am still ready to Sacrifice my life for her Interest and Service: But must for ever abandon her love: I can charge no fault on her or my self; but the odd Capriciousness of my Fate distracts me: And this Madam, is the sole In­trigue and Correspondence I have entertain'd or ingag'd in for some time.

La. Wa.

You have surpriz'd me with a strange Riddle, I want an Oedipus to expound it, but I must Credit it, because it is vouch'd by you, and the Concern, with which you tell it, gives it the more lively faith.

Fr. Fox.

It is a Secret too true, And I wish it may be still a Riddle, which nothing but the Rack or Torture should have extorted from me, but your Ladyships Command.

La Wa.

I leave you Master of your Thoughts!

Fr. Fox
[Page 15]

Madam your inchanting Conversation has ingag'd me beyond my time: But must beg you will appoint when I may make my self once more happy in your Conversation: It will be Cruell to condemn my heart, and not allow me time to put in further Claim.

La. Wa.

What business hurries you away so fast?

Fr. Fox.

'Tis of import, and calls me into the City.

La. Wa.

I'le hold my life to raiss a Sum of mony to Cary on some fresh design.

Fr. Fox.

You guess like a Conjurer, which must be provided or else my projects will miscarry.

La. Wa.

Well, rather then all shall be lost in fumo! I will venture a hun­dred Guinneas on your project: if that will do you any service; 'Tis my Stock at Basset: And for once, the Table shall want a Gamester: my Ser­vant has it in a Purse, you may take it by Consent, upon this Condition that you repay it, before you make Courtship or profession to another Mi­stress: But if you are strongly Tempted, you may have a Dispensation from me! when I see you next.

Fr Fox.

Madam, I blush to accept this favour, which looks like robbery in me, if I wore the Mask!

takes the purse.
La.

I'le ask no Note under your hand I have a good witness by.

Fr.

My Heart assures me I can never fail.

La.

At four I'le meet you here: Leave me to my Freedom without a Spy.

Fr.
I kiss your hands.
Never was Man so generously oblig'd—
Exit.
Maid.

I doubt not, but you have won on his noble Nature.

La.

'Tis better to sound his principles. with the loan of a trisling Sum, then put my whole Fortune in his hand; and be cheated of it at a lump, by such a faithless Banker, I am at a loss to expound this riddle of the Masque­rade, but I will use my utmost art to Dive into his Breast, I cannot be satis­fi'd till I master it: And if he Loves—He cannot hide it long—

she muses.
Enter Leonora disguis'd in the habit of a Gentleman, running and out of Breath, looks about him, falls in a Swoond crying—He's gone, he's gone!
Maid.

Lord Madam, I am surpriz'd.

La.

Charity obliges us to help him in this Distress: Rub his Temples. Oh he revives and opens his eyes.

Leo.
Oh when will my Misfortunes have an End!
I thank your Charity that brought me back!
Or else my Miserable life had here concluded.
La.
You'r wellcome Sir once more to breath the ayr,
Lend him your hand and raise him from the Ground.
Leo.
Madam—I thank your Charity and beg your pardon▪
If I enquire what Gentleman was that,
That held discourse with you before my Coming?
La.

A perfect Stranger I met here by Chance.

Leo.
Oh Madam—pardon a Distracted Woman;
[Page 16]Plun'gd by misfortune in Eternal ruine,
Who in few hours envy'd no mortal State.
La.
A Woman! Madam you Surprize me much!
And tho' your borrow'd shape misled my Guess
I cannot repent of serving so much Beauty.
I see your weak Limbs ill support your Body
Accept my Servants Arm?
She will conduct you to my Coach that waits,
And I'le attend you to your Lodging.
Leo.

Madam ten thousand thanks for your assistance.

Ex Leonora leaning on her Woman.
La.
What if this Stranger prove the Masquerade,
I am on fire, till I pump out the Secret—
Exit.
SCENE. the Hall.
Enter Clarinda and her Maid Betty.
Bett.
Madam Sir Noisy's come,
To Serenade you with the Fiddles.
Clar.

Is the Wine and Colour'd water prepar'd?

Bett.

So like you cannot distinguish it by your Eye.

Clar.

Tis well—admit him.

Enter Sir Noisy Parrat.

Sir Noisy Parrat, you are welcome, since my Father has given you admit­tance; you are Patron here.

Sir Nois.

I am glad to wait on you in so good a humour: it us'd to be more Lowring and Tempestious— And therefore I brought the Fiddles to appease the Storm.

Clar.

That is allay'd by your Company; a Womans Countenance, does not always shew her real meaning: But since you have brought the Musick, we'l have a minuit.

strike up.
Sir Nois.

I am Surpriz'd to find you in so good a humour

Musick plays—She Dances and Sings with all Gaiety, Turns him about. He shews himself very Clumsey and awkard in the Dance.
Clar.

I see Sir Noisy I can tire you out—Sit down and Breath a while and we'l to't agen. I perceive this exercise has made you Dry— Betty bring Wine, and a Collation—Come Sir Noisy? since the Fates will have it so, heres to our better acquaintance— fill him his Glass— to the whole Legion of your Mistresses— alon's Monseiur Chacon l'ver.

The glasses meet and clash.

I think I do pretty well for a young beginner at this Exercise: A little Practice will make me perfect. Sir Noisy I am resolv'd I'le Imitate your Example every way, and first we'le discard all jealousy: for that will disturb our happiness. When we are Marry'd the Law installs me your Sultana; your Mistress of State, And I in days of Triumph am to wear your Gol­den Trappings, as your Charging Palfry: Neither shall I be out of hu­mour if you divert your self, with an easy pad, on ordinary occasions: by the by; provided you return home to your quarters safe and Sound, and in [Page 17] the mean time the Necessity of the Family may be supply'd: Marriage is like to prove a tedious Journy, and will hold out one of our Lives: And there­fore it will be good to support Nature with all Comfortable refreshments, of which I take the Bottle to be a main one, which constan [...]ly feeds the Lamp of Love. And none but the foolish Virgins will want that precious Liquor for a recruite.

Sir Nois.

And madam, I'le be bold to drink the aforesaid Health, to our further Acquaintance.

Clar.

The deeper the Sweeter. You see I make you welcome, after the German Fashion: Who contract all amity and friendship over a Bottle: and faith, plain dealing is a Jewell now a days; and it is good to let every one know betimes what they must trust to: But since you have prest the Musick let 'em divert us with a Song.

Sir Nois.

Madam! I design to treat you with an air of my own Composing and setting.

[which he produces and reads it with great admiration.]
Clar.

Indeed Sir Noisy this must be very Charming?

The Musick Sings the same Song.
Clar.

Sir Noisy, I perceive you're in a perfect Rapture, these Hiperbolicall Expressions treat your Mistress like an Idol, be pleased to command the Musick to sing the new Dialogue of Womens freedom that's much more agree­able to my humour.

Sir Nois.

Madam I will.

[goes to speake to the Musick.]
Clar.

How have I perform'd?

Betty.

To the life: the poor Idiot stands amaz'd at your freedom: Carry it on with fresh humour, and I'le warrant you, you nauseate him: For e­ver prosecuting his Love further. That torrent of discourse that us'd to roule so volubly from his Tongue, without sence or Consideration, has now left him; he is grown Speechless, quite run down and insipid.

Re-enter Sir Noisy.
The Song.
Clar.

I this is to the purpose. We'le ne're live sneakingly at home with my Father, to be curb'd with his Musty Morrals: but take the full swing and scope of our humour. First, we'le furnish a large splendid House, where we may have Elbow room, with servants and Equipage suitable; and by the way you must forswear living in that nasty dull place, the Country. Where with much ado, we may once in a Moon Scrape Company together to make a Game at Whisk, or Lantraloo; or a Country Dance. We will live con­stantly in Town, and when our dear diversion the Play-Houses are shut up, and all grows dull here, we'le down to Tun-bridge, where while you fret your self at the Groom-Porters, I will divert my self at the Royall-Oak, spend all the Morning Raffling at the Wells, and the Evening in Conversation and Dancing: and thus the time shall slide insensibly, with all mirth and Jollity: and I will lead a life more like your Friend, or Mistress then your Wife: But I must Article you must always keep a Coach for me to make my sepe­rate Visits: You shall not enquire into my affairs: Neither will I trouble my head with yours: We'le keep a free open table to entertain our Friends. [Page 18] And for other matters I shall leave it to my Fathers Care to secure me a seperate Maintenance, and make provision against all mischances.

Sir Nois.

Well Madam, we shall be an envied pattern to the World: Let me beg the Favour to Seale the Bargain upon your lips.

Clar.

Well Sir, for once I am contented, you take it as a liker, before Marriage; But I must be more shy of my Favours: till you are fast in a trap: When the parson has said Grace, you are welcome to use your plea­sure; in the mean time I must be more upon the Reserve: least if you shou'd entice me to be to free, before hand, you might fly of from your Bargain; Some have bin serv'd so to my Knowledge.

Sir Nois.

Madam, there is no danger I can Repent.

Clar.

Well, say and hold; I always resolv'd I would marry a brave fel­low: that should stand by me, and justify my honour and reputation, right or wrong: I Scorn a little sneaking fellow, th [...]s is easily run down; incou­raging others to pretend to more familiarity then is true, and that will pro­voke a Saint.

Sir Nois.

It will indeed: Well madam, I will leave no stone unturn'd to bring this matter to a sudden Conclusion.

Clar.

And I will lend my helping hand. Sir Noisy, we will not part with dry Lips: one Glass more to the happy Consummation of our wishes.

Sir Nois.

With all my heart: Your Servant.

Clar.

Hold hold Sir Noisy: who could have thought you would have bin such a Clown? to steal away without taking leave.

they kiss.

I vow Sir Noisy, you make me blush to mind you of your Duty.

Sir Nois.

I'm glad I got off Sober, but this strange freedom amazes me.

aside.
Exit Sir Noisy.
Bet.

Well madam, you have acted your part with all Gallantry: I'le se­cure you this dunghill cock will never have spirit to wheel or strike one stroke more in the Battle: you see he is perfectly cow'd and dares not shew his face! you have baffled his pretensions, and cut him down in his own way!

Clar.

I believe he is grown Crop-sick of the bargain. If we see him no more to day, you shall Visit him to morrow! And entertain him with a hideous Character of my Wantonness.

Bet.

I doubt not but He's already well enough satisfy'd.

Clar.

Well I must blush and ask pardon; that have strain'd a point of Modesty to be rid of so vain a pretender.

Of proffer'd Dainties we suspect the Savour.
Where most were courted, seldom prize the Favour.
Exeunt.
SCENE, Leonora's House.
Enter Lady, and Leonora in her mans cloaths.
Leo.
Your kindness, Madam, infinitely binds me
What I shall ever be, must own your Bounty,
Who brought me from the Dungeon of Despair.
La.
This storm blown over all will then prove fair,
The Stars ne'r meant that face for black Despair.
Leo.
What can I hope in this distracted state
[Page 19]That am a perfect stranger to the World
And want a faithfull Friend to give me Councill.
La.
Madam! you freely may Command my Service,
And Women prove as trusty to each other
As great Heroes: And conceal their Secrets.
But while you labour thus to stifle thoughts
They often suffocate, or fester inwards,
And breed a hidden Gangreen in the Mind;
Open your Grief and give your Passions vent,
The very telling it will Ease your Heart:
And I'le apply my utmost Skill to serve you.
Leo.
Then I will freely make you my Confessor,
Be not severe or kill me with a frown:
La.

Your Face assures me yours are Venial failings!

Leo.
I wish my faults to you transparent were,
Which I condemn, but never can declare:
When to arraign my self, it is my Choice
Shame hides my Face and robs me of my Voice.
Enter Aunt and whispers Leonora.
Madam some business interrupts us now:
I beg you call on me: I am still at home!
Conceal your self a Moment in this Lobby
And those back stairs conduct you to your Coach.
La.
But I'le make bold to Listen.
retires.
Enter Fr. Fox. Leonora runs and embraces him and faints in his Armes.
It is as I expected. I'le watch the Issue.
Fra.
My absence made me seem a Criminall,
I from your sight conceal'd my Guilty Face
And hid me from the person I adore.
Leo.
Since I once more inclose you within these Armes
Nor Time nor Fate shall e're divorce me from you!
Happy that hour when at a Masquerade,
Thy Wit and Beauty charm'd my panting Breast,
And first inspir'd thy Love into my heart!
Which Was till then a stranger:
My Heart then melted and dissolv'd within me!
A race of Golden Days did then appear
Love was our Theam all day, and every Day a Year.
Fra.
Our Love in blooming Youth is in the prime
And like pure Gold works perfect from the mine:
Till thoughts and Care the Mettle does debase
And mix it with a dull and Gross allay.
Leo.

Love at this Envy'd pitch should ever stay.

Fra.
Our fruitless wishes can't arrest the Sun
That great Machine of Heaven must still proceed
And having touch'd the highest Southern point, from thence declines:
Leo.
[Page 20]
Then since we find our selves Each hour decay,
Our Bodies like a Clock at first made perfect;
Untill the Spring, and well dispos'd wheeles
Wear out, and faulter in Career of motion,
Loosing its pulse, no more points to the Hour.
Since hours fly, each Minute lets improve
And think all time is lost, that is not spent in Love!
Fr.
Yet that self moving Clock may be disorder'd:
By some mischance disabled to performe
Or strike, untill restor'd and put in tune.
Leo.
Then we must wait with patience untill Art
Or Time restore it to performe its office:
For Love can pardon and supply defects!
But, dearest Life, be free and tell the Cause
What made you steal away from me abruptly?
Fr.
When in our infant Love you smil'd upon me:
Tho' your Aunt storm'd and I receiv'd repulses
Yet I cut through the Billows by your light.
At last convinc'd it was in vain to strive
Against the stream of our united Love:
She thought it safest to conceal our Converse
From the old Dragon, watch'd the Golden Fruit,
I interlop'd and drove a private trade,
And never minded who touch on the Coast
Till by his Picture you betray'd the Secret.
I at that sight grew pale, my colour faded
And shot a discomposure through my frame,
Starting as I had met my Fathers Ghost!
Which you perceiv'd, I told you twas a Qualm
That suddenly benum'd my fainting Spirits.
And while your Friendship went to fetch a Cordiall
I stole away.
Leo.

And was that kindly done?

Fr.
I strait retir'd home reflecting there
That he who oft had prov'd our sport, and maygame;
Was my own Father — 'twas then I found
Nature unknown to us had plac'd a Bar
So strongly fixt no Art nor time could shake it.
Leo.
Then I alone can cut that Gordian knot:
Which I want strength to break or skill to loose.
And Death alone shall end this tedious Life.
She draws her Sword and offers to fall upon it, but is prevented by Frank.
Fra.
Hold! hold!
Let not a rash and inconsiderate Act
Deprive you of the power to Repent
Of Errours past, and wash them white with teares,
[Page 21]And Heaven will say Amen, to our Endeavours:
But if grown deaf unto those checks of Conscience
We still persist, it swells to ranck Rebellion:
We defy, Heaven and set a mark for Vengeance,
Whose thunder never fails to hit the white.
Leo.
Cou'd I be once assur'd this change of Fortune
Proceeded not from your inconstant humour?
I cou'd support this hated seperation,
And live recluse never to see mankind.
Fr.
That were to hard a task for Youth to relish
Which is not prone by Nature, to such strictness:
I doubt not if your Beauty will be rul'd,
To raise your Fortune to a pitch of Envy.
Leo.
Thou art alone the Scope of all my Thoughts,
The joy, the light, the comfort of my Eyes:
And since my heart is robb'd of that content,
What further can I hope, wish or desire;
When all my happyness in thee lyes Bury'd?
Fr.
Never dispair! the Sun shines every where;
Fortune may doubly recompence the loss:
Your late adorer now becomes your Friend,
That still will lose his Interest for your Service
And time may in a moment Change your Passions
Transferring fancy on some other object
Where it may thrive and prosper:
Cast all care on me, compose your Thoughts
And I'le inform you more when next we meet
Leo.
My Friend? So from this hour I still may call you
Rest ever happy, blest, and fortunate:
Exit Fra. she stands and looks after him then throws herself on the Couch. the Scene Closes.
Tho' I dispair for ever of repose.
Enter Lady and her Maid.
as in the Street.
La.

Well you must get my new Garniture ready, for I must shift as quick as a Player between the Acts, let me have all new and change and vary my shape, that my Gallant may forget his invisible Mistress and have his eyes dazled with my Costly ornaments and Jewells. My Brother assures me he will dine here to day. Well Girle I have made such a discovery that amazes me. Tho' I am satisfy'd in the Main.

Maid.

How do you find the Spark?

La.

Just and honourable. But I will now put on all my Charmes that I may the better Judg of his Constancy to his Mistress in the Mask.

Mai.

If he should quit all his interest in her, and fall in love with you on the first sight.

La.

That would argue to great a levity and blemish him in my Esteem: leaving me to distrust that such an Inconstant Rambler like Mercury can ne­ver be fixt. But I will try him at both weapons, which has the greatest In­fluence [Page 22] my Face and Gravity at home, or my airy Conversation abroad in the Mask.

Mai.

'Twill puzle a Casuist to distinguish between your Natural and Po­litick Capacities.

By several ways the train of Love he fires,
He Courts your Wit, your beauty he admires:
Then let us guess which Charmes most by the Event;
Beauty in view, or wit on the cold Scent.
Exeunt.
The End of the Second Act.

ACT. III.

The SCENE Opens and discovers Leonora on the Couch.
To her Enter Aunt.
Au.

I Hope your Friend has left you in a sober Temper. He tells me, tho' his Conscience will not give him leave to serve your delights, yet he shall make it his sole Study to advance your Interest and well doing in the World. He always use to behave himself so rudely and scurvily to me, that I hated him mortally; but now he has chang'd his note and speaks kind­ly and feelingly to me: that my heart melts within me, and I love the very ground he goes on. And tho' I understand there is a cessation of Arms between you, yet he shall command me any earthly thing. He tells me he will marry you to a young rich Knight and Barronet, and that you shall be Ladyfied and keep your Coach and Six, and live in the Country in a Stately House as big as a Pallace.

Leo.

Thou art always busying thy head about Vanity.

Au.

So is every thing that does not jump with your humour: What shall I say if my old Master comes, for he'le haunt and be prying about?

Leo.

Tell him I am in Bed: there he'le find me. I need not Counterfeit.

Au.

Lord! what a hurrican and Commotion this young fellow has made, and has so turmoil'd our affairs: before he came preaching here, all things went on swimmingly: now they are quite of the hooks: I wish Fortune had never conducted his feet within these doors: ever since our matters have gone Retrograde, as Mr. Gadbury says: I always advis'd you against this poor indigent young Fellow: I oppos'd him what I could, till I saw it was to late: But I was forc'd to use my utmost art of dissimulation, to Cloak your Infidelity: and made the old man beleive that he had the sole possession: did so sweeten and Cajole his fancy: if he had smok'd the least he would have discarded us both, and turn'd us out of House and home: and then what reparation could your fine young, slim, smooth-fac'd Freind, have made? Yet still you remain in an obstinate perverse humour: I am asham'd to see what cold advances you make to the old Gentlemans Complements and Caresses: well, if you will not Buckle, and apply your [Page 23] self to be more Complaisant, you will ruine all my Care, and we must bid good Night Landlord: and loose the best Freind that ever you had since your Mother bound your head.

Leo.

Forbear to torture me, thou cursed Engine of the Devil and all mischief: 'twas thy Flattery that first seduc'd and Debauch'd me then a Child, and betray'd me into his Arms: where I destroy'd my honour and Conscience for your private advantage: and foolishly barter'd away my Virgin Treasure, for Glass, Bells, and Bawbles.

Aunt.

I dont know what you mean by Glass, Bells, and Bawbles. But I am sure we made his Pocket bleed good full substantial Guinneas. And he would have come deeper if you had had sense enough to have managed his humour and not been too forward and coming. Madam it is the wisest way to strike your fortune while the Iron's hot, and not let his affection cool for want of your Complacence. I am sure I made a good bargain for you, if you had had Grace or known how to have manag'd and improv'd it.

Leo.

Thy arts and insinuations have misled me, and made me the most de­spicable and infamous of all Creatures, for which I curse thee and hate my self, and hope Death will are long put an end to my misery.

Exit Leonora.
Aunt.

Well this is nothing but a Flatus of the Hipocondraick, a Hurrican of Passion that will quickly blow over: her necessity will make her Strike sayl to her old Lover while I make advances to insnare the young one, he is a fine delicate well shap'd person, and I effect him strangely. Ah! those charming deu eux they are most lusciously ingageing. And why may not I like a lucky Bowler Strike out my young Mistress and lodge in her place; or at least in the way of preferment. She has so glutted and pall'd his appetite with her re­peated fulsome kindness, while wisdom should keep them hungry to prize loves Banquet, all honey moons soon cloy with the repeated treat, Chapon boulie, (as the French Proverb says) is not always welcome. I have seen a horse up to the eyes in fresh pasture, break through a dangerous hedge for worse. I love such a rambler that in his return like a spring-tide covets all: a fresh Countenance gives fresh Courage to the Incounter.

Exit.
SCENE, the Park.
Enter Frank Fox.
Fr.

This young widdow Friendly's Sister, is a most Beautifull delicious Creature, in the Blossom of her youth and much improv'd since I saw her, of a most noble, proper, charming Shape and Mein: And like a Mellon just ready, of an inviting Eye, an engaging Face; Compos'd with all Mo­desty: That while it stays you to Gaze an admire; it proudly bids you keep your awefull Distance? If her reservedness would admit of a lighter Mixture of Humour like that Free, Airy, Sharp Poynant Conversation of my Mask'd Mistress: She would be unparalell'd. But what if this Park Lady should prove no Sham of the Bristoll Rock, but a reall Diamond of a Considerable Charact. Then She will out-weigh all Competition: These two Load-Stones do so strongly Attract my Heart. That (like Mahomets Iron-Coffin) I am poys'd & supported in the Air between Both: I wish Fate would quickly decide [Page 24] my Fortune. For now I am too rich in Imagination.

Enter Lady Wary.

Oh madam you are come luckily to decide the Controversy!

La.

I find you alone! how can you differ with your self? But however you appeal to a very weak Judge.

Fr.

I know your Honour; and cannot doubt, you will be Biass'd by Inte­rest: Madam you have shewn your self a Prophetess: For it is fall'n out just as you foretold. I din'd this day with a Rich, young Widdow, just come to Town. Handsome to a Miracle, with all the freshness of the Country Air in her Face: and as Beautiful as a Rose newly blown: If your Idea had not work'd strongly in my mind, and retain'd me in due Obedience, I had pro­fess'd my self her Lover and Adorer.

La.

I am like to have a hopefull Servant of you, that are always provided with a Dispensing power in your Sleeve, against all former engagements, and obligations: If your inconstancy should have left my poor Heart in the Lurch after you had fool'd it, into a paradice of Fancies. I should have been in a fine Condition.

Fr.

If her Beauty Conquers, and leads me Captive, How can I resist or help it. You ought in time to Discover your Charming Face, and reclaim my wavering Heart: For Adoration which only dwells in an Airy vest of Con­templation, will quickly vanish; without it be fix'd upon some outward visi­ble Object: Fancy is but a Camelion-Diet, and cannot support it self, with­out some fit matter to prey upon. How can I confirm my allegiance to you, that it is possible owes it already to another.

La.

For that you have my word already. And I have more reason to sus­pect your promise. Come tell me truly: Did you not Court this fair young Widdow?

Fr.

No faith: not at all. But I was civill as became my Respects to her Quality!

La.

Did you not say some fine charming thing, which won upon her? tell the Truth upon Honour and I'le forgive you.

Fr.

I rather believe she thought me an insensible Blockhead, that had so little to say on so fair a subject and occasion; and so kind and gracious Invitation! Well Madam, if you know any Impediment, why I cannot be Successfull in my Addresses to you? It would be Infinitely kind to discharge me, ere I Engage my heart too far; which will oblige me in honour never to retreat on foot, but push on Victory, by most furious attacks, Mines, and Countermines! And studdy Stratagems of war to bring you to a speedy Sur­render!

La.

You think I am a very faint-hearted Warriour to talk of Capitulati­on. Before you have drawn down your great Guns, or Mounted your stand­ing Battery.

Fr.

I am at present a Souldier of Fortune, quite out of employment, I was born to be continually in action, but if I should admit a habit of Laziness, it might corrupt my youth and turn to a Disease.

La.

There's no Danger; you that have bin accustom'd to these French En­gagements. [Page 25] But Caution should view the ground and provide against a treache­rous Ambush, which has disabled many from future Service, and take care to make you pass a Quarentine of health: before admitted to so dangerous Conversation: And if once I discover your fickle Temper, that cannot defer your prying Curiosity a moment, I shall be glad I have so soon found out your humour, and will not envy my Country Rival, such a Conquest, detesting that ungrateful man, that could so easily forget his promise, and engage­ments: Without pride, or Vanity, I can boast my self, her Equall in For­tune, my Reputation without a Blemish—And for my Face, I must leave it to Judgment. Tho' if my Glass and Friends have not Flatter'd me, it may pass muster. I do not desire to be hunted by pretenders: I hate the persecu­tion of such Fops: yet doubt not, but my Eyes have Luster and Vigour e­nough to warm one single heart, and make my self happy in his only Friend­ship: For your further pretentions, I resign 'em wholly to your own Dis­pose.

Fr.

Madam, I entirely submit till your pleasure shall remove that Cloud that Eclipses your brighter Beams. Nor will I sawcily enquire a Reason.

She gives him her hand.
La.
Well Sir your pardon's Seal'd and meet me here to morrow.
kisses her hand.
Then I'le unveile this Curtain to your sight,
And Cleer all doubts before to Morrow Hight.
Exeunt.
SCENE, Covent-Garden.
Enter Plot Scardevil and Fulham, the two last disguis'd.
Plot.

All things are now agree'd and Settled you have your full Instructions

Scar.

I'le warrant ye we wont fail a tittle in the Execution.

Ful.

This Plot is so well layd it cannot miss.

Scar.

We want our cheif Ingineer, young Fox.

Plot.

He'le meet us on the Spot, Sir Worldly stays within expecting the Coach from Sir Noisy. All things are fix'd—Gentlemen, I doubt not you come here to serve your Friend with Secresy and Caution. There needs no Scruple, since all care is taken none but our selves are privy. You Scaredevil shall take the reigns of Government, and in a feign'd shape and voice deliver your Mes­sage to Sir Worldly

Scar.

I'le do't, I have long since been vers'd in the Coachmans art for the sake of a fair Mistress I enjoy'd under that disguise.

Plot.

I'le see him in the Coach, then haste in my disguise to play the Ruffin.

Scar.

Every man to his Post—away—

Smaks his whip.
Exeunt.
SCENE, the Chamber.
Enter Aunt.
Aunt.

I expect my Nieces Gallant here every moment, and I will try my utmost art to captivate, his fancy in the mean while. I'le practise ore my Ayrs, and postures.

She pulls out her Glass, makes faces and practises in it.

That Smile was very taking and becoming—

That Glance was sharp and killing—Just like an arrow from a Parthian Bow—

[Page 26]That Rowling eye Surveys all at one Motion, and Crys have at you all —

That inticing damnable Leer, is most ingaging, and serves to fly a Lover to a Mark—

That grave affected look with the feign'd accent of the Voice, is ravishing—

Those Languishing Eyes inchant a heart—

But when you would Inspire and shoot the Spirit of Love, then Ogle him thus— Stedfastly—look babys in his eyes, fetch a deep sigh, and gripe his hand; Then leave and gaze upon him, and say some fine soft thing, or use some toyish wagish Action—thus—

That Palpitation of the brest is moving—

When a witty Smutty jeast is broke that admits a double construction, Cover your Face with your Fan, stifle a laugh as forc'd by the Conceit—

So much for this time.—

puts up her Glass.

But this Dress does not set off—

The nasty vapours of this Dunghill Town, darkens my Complection into a languid paleness, and then 'tis just to waken the Roses—But nasty white­wash stinks like the Devil Foh—If I miss him now, I'le to his levy to morrow, and try if I can rouse him to honourable Satisfaction.

Exit.
Enter Fra. Plot, Scar. and Fulham.
in a lone house.
Scar.

We have secur'd the old Lion fast in the Toyle, and threatn'd him sufficient with the Bowstring, and will leave the rest to your own manage­ment. If there be occasion you will find us at the Rose. We make no Articles with you who have already redeem'd us: but leave it frankly to your own discretion.

Fr.

For this Jobb, I'le secure you each a hundred. And if the Match with the Knight take, one hundred more.

Ful.

We hope for a good Market with him before we've done.

Fr.

We are your fellow labourers, and one hand must wash an other We expect but 500 l. ready, which we know where to take in a Casting net. For Bonds and Bills they are a Chip in Porridge.

Scar.

Well, Speed the Plow Gentlemen.

Exeunt Scar. and Ful.
Fr.

Now we have secur'd him to our sole management in this Lone new-Built unfurnish'd house, far enough from all neighbours: Put the matter home to him in your feign'd hollow Counterfeit voice, make him Dispatch the order for the thousand Guinneas: I know his strong Box will bleed that Sum. Which will do my Business, without smoak or further trouble, and redeem all.

Plot.

I would have you appear in their two several shapes: It will Terri­fy the more, as if they were present: I have already Given him the pro­posall: Are you secure of our two Friends the Co-operators?

Fr.

I have known 'em sufficiently: Neither of 'em, but would suffer the Rack, ere they would reveale a Syllable, if they should Think of muttering a word, they would betray themselves to no purpose: And be whooted like Owls into the wild Desert. I have known some of them trusted with money, would have given the slip; but I never knew any of 'em betray the life of a Friend, That were to dishonour themselves and starve. These are a sort of Bravo's, that never leave their Ingagement unperform'd; And fear neither [Page 27] man nor Devil: But religiously keep their words to a Tittle: And support themselves on that sort of Reputation: And never Boggle thro' fear, but are stanch to in the main.

Plot

We'le in and see how the physick works with the old man.

Exeunt.
The SCENE, draws and discovers Sir Worldly bound in a Chair.
in the house.
Sir Worl.

What cursed luck have I had, to be Trappan'd and pick'd up for Hawks meat, and forc'd to this unreasonable Composition of a thousand Guin­neas for my Discharge, or loose my Life, and leave my whole estate a wind­fall to my Ungracious Son? Well, I am the willinger to comply, because it satisfies me, He had no hand in it: He might Draw the knot and secure it all to himself at once— There is no trifling with Destiny. I must send to Plot to pay the money out of my Scrutore—But this must be accom­plish'd ere I can have my Liberty— I am fast in the Trap, and a man will hazard all to save his Life.

Knocks on the Table.

Re-enter Fr. and Plot disguis'd

Well Gentlemen I have consider'd on your unreasonable proposall! And if I could find a way to raise the money: what Caution can you give me for my freedom?

Plot.

We are Men of Honour, and live by keeping our words: you having done your part, shall immediately be set at Liberty: Dispatch—your life depends upon your Resolution. Do not Trifle when all's at Stake, we'd ra­ther have your money then your blood. But one of 'em, we have Sworn to take within this hour.

Sir Wor.

I'le write, where it shall be comply'd with, and send my Key and a Token: Give me Pen and Ink.

Plot.

Here Sir, Write Effectually, for your own sake: that we may have no further trouble.

Sir Wor.

I will.

Plot

then we'le conduct you hood-wink'd from this place, and leave you free in the open field.

The SCENE shuts and changes to the Rose Tavern.
Enter Sir Noisy, Scaredevil, Fulham.
Sir Nois.

Wellcome my Brace of Worthies Castor and Pollux: where both shine bright and fair, no storm can hurt: Wellcome my Bullies of the Land and Sea: now you have chang'd your Hues and Shapes, you smell no more of Gunpowder, He of Tar; Here's to the brave Youths are gone to serve the French abroad: They have Cull'd and strip'd the Root and Branch of Covent-Garden: for their Service; and made a Nosegay of those Rank weeds: I wish some of our old Scowerers here: The Watch and Beadles finding our forces weak, begin to insult: And drive us to our Trenches!

Scar.

You shall Command us Sir to Scower these rusty Halberts from the Parade: And fix our Standard up in Triumph!

Sir Nois.

My noble Friends! and hardy men of mettle, I shall be proud to joyn in the Detachment: Here's to the Mistresses of our young Warriors: whether they tread the Stage, or mew'd up Close, secur'd with Lock and [Page 28] key, till the return of their lov'd Paramours, That they may meet 'em with Limbs safe and Sound, by no French hurt Disabled from performance.

Scar.

To you the Ladies Sir are much beholding: who comfort them in ab­sence of their Friends: Their not so dull, but they return your kindness.

Sir Nois.

My Thoughts are only fixt on noble Game. And scorn the ab­ject offer of the Stage: or Herd of Trading Mercenary Misses; I have en­joy'd where Peers have miss'd their Aim.

Oh! Theres a Difference▪ twixt brisk noble Blood
And the Dull offspring of the Dunghill Brood.
Ful.

But we who claim our Birth from humble Shrubs may Sport under the shaddow of the Cedar, and sometimes hope to get a happy wind-fall.

Scar.

Here is a high health to every worthy Lady disdaining to debar her noble Person: to the Embrace of any but her equall: In Merit, Birth, and rich accomplishments.

Sir Nois.

Agreed, and to those noble Courteous Ladies love a good turn when 'tis Discreetly offer'd: who wipe their mouth and say no harm is done; How I despise the base and Common Game: Wild-foul and Venison in the Blood takes me.

Scar.

I am for a frollick too and would venture hard for a dainty Bit: But if a man is once taken within the forbidden purleius of the Law: He of­ten pays more then his Skin is worth for his Ransome; I am not for break­ing into great mens inclosures: Coursing these Fera Nature. These open Di­versions of the Field, is lawfull; without running the hazard of breaking ones neck into one of these dangerous pit-falls, which I avoid and detest: Deer that run Wild in the Forrest show more-sport, and are better Breath'd, then what is Coop'd up within a Narrow Pale, or pinfold. Tis not the meat. but 'tis the stomach got by Exercise makes the pleasure of Eating: A clean Country Lass work'd up into good humuur shews more Diversion, then the proud Stall-fed Lady of the Court: Who will make you wait her leisure! while she is pleasing her self with some smooth Page or some such insignificant Utensill.

Sir. Nois.

Every man to his Delight, and Pleasure; one mans fancy must not be a Rule or Guide to sway others Judgment: And Gentlemen Heres to your Cheap Diversion with your next well breath'd Country Milk-Maid.

laughs and drinks.
Scar.

With all my heart: Why Sir, do you think the Blessings of nature are the less to be valu'd for being cheap, and common? The Sun, who is the light and life of the World; And the common Air wherein we breath, cost us nothing, yet cheifly to be valu'd above All other Enjoyments: with­out which we cannot subsist one moment! 'Tis our Folly often pays extra­vagant dear, for these unnescessary Delights.

Ful.

Let's wave this Argument, and not wear it thred bare and while we have ease and leisure value our own happynes, indulging our selves under our Vines and figtrees at the Fountain head the Rose, Crown'd with a Nosegay of rare Wines, Choice Musick and the bright Sparkling Eyes of the kind Damosells, rather then be sows'd and Pickled in a Storm for Months [Page 29] together, without hopes of seeing Land: Eating Sea-beefe and bisket, with many a cold gulp of stinking Water, mixt with Beveredge for Consolation.

Scar.

Or to be house'd, and case'd up in Canvas in the Camp, sweating in the Summer like a hot-house: Or after a hard tedious March for want of the Baggage stretch on the cold ground without a Canopy, and wake in the Morning with our limbs frozen like a dish-clout. A Country Tapster with his Lasses about him, leads a life like the Grand Seignior in his Seraglio.

Sir Nois.

It makes me sigh at my misfortune, that I whom the World must own for so eminent a Virtuoso, so well read in Men and Manners, so great a Philosopher, Mathematition, Astrologer, Lawyer, States men, Pain­ter, Architect and so able a Casuist: I might have out rival'd the greatest Generals, both by Sea and Land: had not the Inchantin of the Ladys stop'd me in the Careire of my Honourable designes.

Ful.

Their softness oft disarmes the bravest Spirits, and makes them like Hercules exchange their awfull Club for a distaff.

Sir Nois.

Ay, this spurs on my Revenge upon both Sexes, for Heaven be thanked I am not much guilty of good nature that is the blind side of a man. And where I find a Lady holds a fair unspotted Reputation, I insinuate my self into her Conversation, and by my confident behaviour perswade the world I have a great Interest in her: and never leave, till I have fixt a Scandall upon her which I Industriously promote and spread: and this pleases me far better then Beastiall Enjoyment.

Scar.

But this humour may bring Quarrells upon you.

Sir Nois.

No not at all: for I can worke it in such a sly manner the Fools never perceive it, or if they do I can forswear at a pinch, or place it upon some woman that shall be nameless, or upon some great Person shall be past their finding out: with whome I can play the Pimp or the Parasite, and having wrought him into a beliefe of my honesty and sincerity, I easily win on the unguarded hearts of his neerest Relations, whither Wife, Sister, or Mistress; (which way my Tallent closely lyes) To which pur­pose I have already qualified my self with all the Romances extant, whither Greeke, Lattine, Italian, French or Spanish: And write a Billet deux to a Miracle: I can unriddle the most Occult Cipher: and where a Knotty Case is started, I have a Spirit of wrangling will never be convinc'd, and weary them by my Subtill distinctions till I make them knock under the Table. And if it had not been for my cursed lame Leg at the University, I had writ a Crittick on all the Classick Authours.

Sca.

The World is to sensible of your Prodigious Parts.

Sir Nois.

I tis that gives an Alarm to the World and makes them afraid to trust me, for if I were once brought in to Play they would be glad to Court me. But now I resolve seriously to apply my self to Business, and have laid the Scene to be chosen in a Country Town, where I have al­ready drunk up the Cuckolds, and entertain'd their Wives at a Ball; who were ravish'd with my Dancing, and prais'd my handsom Foot and Leg I Gad.

Sca.
[Page 30]

Sir Noisy heres to that; and all the Appurtenances: and that it may always bear away the Bell.

drinks.
Ful.

He's drunk already— [...]int the discourse of Box and Dice.

aside.
Sca.

Sir Noisy you are a great Virtuoso and understand the fraile Dye and Tackle: We are just come over raw, and it would be a great favour if you would communicate your Knowledge?

Sir Nois.

I'le do it with all my heart— And while the Boy fetches the Dice, I'le tell you how I bit an old Cavaleir that had been a deep Bubler in his time; I carry'd him to my house, and deny'd him to his Wife, was upon the Hunt for fear of me: I out watch him and play'd him Blind, and then managed him at my one discretion— Oh here comes the Drawer, sit down and I'le shew you clever management which is not yet divulg'd— Pray Gentlemen keep it private for your own sakes,

the Drawer gives him the Box they sit down he throws.

how do you like this? this will pass.

Sca.

Most securely— we will practise it at more leisure, this will win a mint of Money.

Ful.

Here we have the Tower of London to a Turnep. Here's your health.

Sca.

He begins to Totter, souse him deep with the other Bumper.

[gives Sir Noisy the glass, who lets it fall and sinks down in the Chair.]
Ful.

This last pull has overset the Bell— he is now grown past the Knowledge of Box and Dice.

Sca.

No matter let's rattle the Box and Dice a while to put off, and Quarrell as at deep play— Come Sir Noisy set deep—keep the door shut and it will prove the same thing.

Ful.

But he's fast a sleepe how shall we win the Money.

Sca.

That we have done already by dint of Drinking, let me alone to face him down we did it fairely— I'me sure he never dares to contradict it—Now Fulham speak in thy heart if this is not as fair away as thy false Dice—come let's be impudent and share it before his Face, 'tis some­thing above fourscore Guinneas, there's forty for you— the rest I'le be Accomptable for—

knocks.

Enter Drawer.

whats to pay? —

Draw.

I'le fetch a Bill—

Ful.

You ought to pay Sir, you have stripp'd Sir Noisy and my self.

Re-enter Drawer.
Scar.

This was a Lucky hand—whats's a Clock Drawer?

Draw.

'Tis now just Three?

Scar.

There's your Bill, and a Guinnea for your waiting: Dispose Sir Noisy on a Bed within, while we chastise our Bodies on the Chairs till morning.

The Scene shuts.
SCENE, Sir Worldly's House.
Enter Sir Worldly and Plot.
Sir Wor.

Did you pay the one thousand Guinneas I order'd you by Note?

Plot.
[Page 31]

I did Sir, and here's your Keys.

Sir Wor.

'Tis well.

Plot.

A Woman waits to speak with you without.

Sir Wor.

Send her in—To what end should I discompose my self, and pull off the Remainder of my hair for madness: As if my Baldness could recompence my Loss? No, I'le digest it calmly: And set it down as a punish­ment for my Sins and Folly, and bar the Door against a further mischeif.

Enter his Woman.
Wom.

Sir I come to wait upon you, according to my Duty, and acquaint you I have found some great Disorders at your house. I have observ'd a young Gentleman frequent it, and privately admitted, and dress'd Suppers, of which I fancy'd he eat part. Yesterday my young Lady came home in mans Clothes with another Lady; And other persons, now frequent the house. Her Aunt tricks her self up like a Lady, Painted, Perfum'd and Patch'd.

Sir Wor.

For me to ask a reason, would but betray my weakness unto their Shams and Follies: I'le pry into the matter, and resolve my self. If She proves false: I'le hate my self, and quite forsake all Womens Conversation.

aside.

To morrow about Eight I will disguise my self in the habit of a Seaman: And steale out of my back Door: And visit you as your Brother, just come from Sea, by that means, I undiscern'd; shall discover all: Here, take this Guinnea for your Diligence, and wait me at home—

Exeunt.
Plot.

I wonder to see him bear the Loss of his money so patiently! But he's a Philosopher! I have overheard all their Discourse, and this new Design; which I must prevent, or Sir Noisy's Marriage with the Neice will miscarry

[Studies]

I have it —Fullham and some of the Tars shall press him as a Seaman on Board. And there secure him till the Business is over; It shall be so, I'le presently about it.

Since the old Fox resolves to undermine
My Counterplot Shall Baffle his Design.
Ex.
The End of the Third Act.

ACT. IV.

SCENE, The Rose-Tavern; discovers Scaredevil, and Fulham asleepe on the Chaires.
Scar. wakes and rises.
Scar.

THis hard lodging makes a man woundy amorous, I wish fortune would obliege me a kind Mistress next my heart, I would so wellcome her; but time will provide all things for the accomodation of the Industrous—

[Knocks]

Come Fullham shake your ears, and rise you Sluggard; you see the morning Smiles and promises a lucky day.

Ful.

Prithee do not wake me from my pleasant dream.

Scar.

Arise you slugard, for we have money now, to turn idle dreams into reall Injoyments.

Enter Drawer.

Is Sir Noisy awake.

Draw.
[Page 32]

This alarm has rows'd him. I'le up and see what he wants.

Scar

Do, and get us a cold Tankard of Rambowse, and we will have a further Consideration of your dilligence.

Draw.

Sir, I fly to serve you.

Exit Draw.
Scar.

What think you if we dash the Tankard with a lusty dram of Cool Nantz? 'twill raise his mettle, keep up his Spirits, and make the Match we design, go down the Glibber.

Ful.

Well thought on. I'le send a Porter for a Pint, and prime it in an instant.

Enter Sir Noisy.
Scar.

Sir Noisy, how did your Champaigne work with you last night?

Sir Nois.

It prov'd stronger then I imagin'd and makes me spit Cobwebs this Morning.

Ful.

What was in your mind to propose play, I lost my stock out of pure complaisance. This Blundering Scaredevil has run a stock by that means; pox out I have deerly welcom'd him on Shore.

Scar.

Yes faith; Chance has been kinder to me then was her Custome, and I hope this glimps of fortune, would prove a lucky omen to my future undertakings. I never saw Sir Noisy so eagar of Play. At first he run deep into my stock. But I rally'd and routed him horse and foot, and brought off his Watch for a Trophy at ten Guinneas.

Enter Drawer with the Tankard.
Sir Nois.

Sirrah! Did I play last night?

Draw.

Yes Sir I heard the Box and Dice at work a long time.

Sir Nois.

Well 'tis no great Matter, 'twas only the money I pick'd up at the ordinary, and for my watch I'le pay you the ten Guinneas upon demand.

Scar.

Your word's sufficient—is the Tankard ready.

Ful.

'Tis Cock'd and Prim'd.

Scar.

Sir Noisy here's your health—about with it Fullham.

Ful.

I, here's some vertue in this, 'tis good to restore and comfort the noble parts.

Sir. Nois.

Give me the Tankard, I'le take a lusty draught who would not be drunk over night for the satisfaction of a cool Mornings draught? Oh how it hizes as it goes down, but I'le have the other bout.

Ful.

I'le warrant you this will put you in good humour. Oh for a kind wench to rub us down after this hard exercise.

Sir Nois.

No, my thoughts are Elevated above so vile a Contemplation, they are but trash and rubbish: I have found out a Constellation of most trans­cendent Beauties, 'tis but looking out sharp and you may Compass a Dutchess, assoon as an orange-wench: But you must take greater Caution least it be smoak'd: Quality invites with a greater life and Gustoe. I have lately enjoy'd a Beauty of Women of the highest Rank and degree.

Ful.

Now it begins to work.

aside.
Scar.

You carry the Matter very sliely and like White Powder hit the mark without Noise. You are no open Courtier, no haunter of the Play-house, or [Page 33] Drawing-room; what Art have you to bring these Ladies to the Lu [...]e, of sure you must walk in an invisible Cloak.

Sir Nois.

When I meet the ravishing Beauties in the Mall, Basset-Table, or elsewhere: I make no application in Publick, because of the niceness of their Reputation, but I fly them to a mark with my eye, and by the help of a female friend clap Salt on their Tayle, and the business is done. For they are easily perswaded to meet so able a performer, one that can give so ample satis­faction. My name's up I gad, and now I may ly abed and have Chamber pra­ctise more then I can turn my hand to.

Ful.

Doubtless all the world is sensible of your great abilities.

Scar.

We will petition, to be taken in as assistants and Coadjuters in the School of Venus.

Sir Nois.

Quality is too Nice to admit of Rivalls, it is a Jewell of value, and must not be Sully'd with profane hands. There is a pleasure, and a Gustoe in it, delights nice and generous Pallats; and what would a man baulk for his Pleasures and delight. I have known a Bully supported by a chance hit, disdain all Butchers meat: longing for the most delicious Bits, and the choicest Wines, indulging himself in all voluptiousness: present largely to a Mistress: As if his small, and only stock, would hatch and breed in his Breeches, like Fortunatus his purse. I have seen another beg or borrow halfe a Crown to treat himself with a bon-Christian-Pare, though he had not wherewith left to satisfy his hunger at the three-penny Ordinary. Another that his left whole stock a Crown as earnest, for a Dog-fish, went home and pawn'd the rest of his Equipage to furnish out the Treat. Costa que Costa I am resolv'd to indulge my self.

Plot peeps in.

What makes you here Plot.

Plot.

I am come to find out my young Master Fox, I have a writing for him to Seal, and the Parties stay in the next Room. I thought he had been here.

Scar.

Plot here's Sir Noisy's good health.

Plot.

Sir your good health.—Ah Sir I wish you were provided of so good a fortune as Young Mr. Fox is like to have. He is forthwith to marry a rich Merchants Daughter worth Threescore thousand pounds; I saw the young Girle, she is now about Seventeen: But bred up with so much foolish Mode­sty and Innocence, she curtsy'd to the footman carry'd the writings. Her Aunt told her he was a Servant, she blush'd and reply'd, she took him for some no­ble Person by his Lac'd Coat, I was asham'd to see so much Beauty so strangely bred.

Sir Nois.

What writings are they.

Plot.

Here young Fox Covenants, that in Consideration of her Aunts care and pains, in her no breeding her Neice; to give her one hundred pounds for her life, for which she sells and delivers her said Neice. So Subtle Sir Worldly marrys his Son without a Penny expence, and it is possible the old Fox will cheat him of his ready money into the Bargain. But I must in and wait for his comming.

Exit Plot.
Scar.

Sir Noisy. It would be a pleasant Jest, If you should give over the pursuit of Sir Worldly's Daughter, and snap up this rich Prize; carry her [Page 34] down into the Country and breed her up to your own likeing.

Sir Nois.

I should say more, if I were secure of her fortune.

Scar.

Plot's your Creature, he can tell you all: But if he joyns with you, he must run the risk of being turn'd out of Sir Worldlys Service, if you make him your Steward, he will have no cause to repent: 'Tis all one to the Aunt who has her, so she may be secure of the hundred pounds a year; 'tis but altering the name: Plot will bring it about.

Sir. Nois.

But that may breed ill blood between Frank and me.

Scar.

If you clap it up of a sudden, none will concern himself for a Wo­man that you have already enjoy'd; besides you may say it was Plots de­vice and you know nothing of his concern in the matter.

Sir Nois.

Well I'le in and consult with Plot, if I find it feasible I'le Squeese wax in Fox's place, and go through stitch.

Exit.
Scar.

This Fool will be bubbl'd in spite of our teeth and therefore it is reasonable we should share in the purchase.

Ful.

Our last Job past cleverly upon him, and I fancy he thinks he really lost his money.

Scar.

I know I could easily perswade him.

Exeunt.
Lady meeting Clarinda in her Apartment.
La.
Welcome my dearest, and my bosome friend,
Our breeding, and our Constant Education,
Has form'd our love and humour to the same;
Like two kind Twins each others Counterpart.
Clar.
Few know the Joy and comfort of a friend,
Dividing Greif, that it is scarce perceiv'd;
And makes the floods of Joy come double on us,
Washing away all Sorrow.
We were adopted Sisters from our Childhood,
Till riper years united us to friendship.
La.
A secret Sympathy appear'd in both,
As if one Soul inform'd our several Bodies,
We writ, we speak, we thought like one another.
Endeavouring to improve each others fancys.
Clar.
Your riper Genius, had the mastring Power,
On whom mine waited as a weak desciple,
And like an eccho made a faint return:
Like our two Lutes tun'd to an equall pitch
When yours was struck, mine made a trembling motion;
And gave a dumb consent.
When cruell Fate did for some time divorce us
We kept the Vestall fire of love alive
Like a Recluse I sat and mus'd alone
And on your bright Idea did Contemplate.
Our hearts th' Epitomy of natures Book
In which we read all with a running look.
To Cultivate mans wit they plant and Toyl,
[Page 35]Which of their accord shoot in your happyer Soyl.
La.
Madam your kindness puts to great a value,
Upon that Spirit, I but Coppy from you,
Your witty Letters of the Town affairs
Mixt with Remark of other serious note
Has rais'd your worth, and Canoniz'd your fame
Above the admir'd Sibells of this age.
Among that Troop, my Brother does admire,
Your Wit, your Beauty, and your manly Sense:
Vowing had he liv'd in the Infant world,
When Dowry and Portion never had a name
But men by Constant Service prov'd their Love:
His Faith and Duty had or'e come all Rivalls
And tho' as yet, he's made no formall tender
His heart being full of love ore flows the bounds.
Clar.
My life and friendship are bound up with yours
Like the firm Union of the Steel and Loadstone.
Which move, incline, meet, and embrace each other;
While none discern whence comes the attractive Power.
La.
I blush to praise my Brother to my Friend
Whose long acquaintance needs no information:
Clar.
Your Brother's Virtue claims respect from all,
Whose Native Gallantry in every action.
Distinguishes his Judgment,
But if my mind stood more indifferent to him
Your sole Command should allways Sway the Ballance.
La.
I thank you for this Grace: Our faithfull friendship,
Is like a league made by our selves defensive
Excluding man, would proudly make us Slaves:
And of a gracious Lord, would prove a Tyrant.
Like Salvage Turks, exclude us heavenly bliss,
To make our Bodies servil to their Pleasures:
But we must stand on our prerogative,
And make them find we still command the reignes,
And steere them as we please.
Should the Brute Annimall once know his strength
In vain we would restrain his head-strong will:
While haughty men, tamely Submit, and wait;
Upon our Pomp, and Ceremonious State;
Present, Lye, Flatter, Weep to make us Sport:
While we at last consent to what we else must Court.
Enter Frank, and Plot.
Fra. Plot.

I thank you for your Care and vigilence, otherwise my Dad might have disturb'd and Turmoyl'd the whole affair, he must remain in Lim­bo till the Marriage with Sir Noisy is fixt, and then redeem him.

Plot.

Sir Noisy has concluded and sealed to the Aunt, and is mustering up [Page 36] his Coach and Equipage to pay his first Visit: if he like her person, hee will instantly marry her.

Fra.

'Twill not be reasonable for me to appear till the Ceremony is past, then twill be time enough to give them Joy.

Exeunt.
Enter Sir Noisy, Fulham, and Aunt, in Leonora's Apartment.
Au.

Well Sir Noisy you have such an ingaging, winning way, with you; a Woman can deny you nothing: But Really Sir Noisy you push this mat­ter on too furiously. You must give the oor Innocent Girle, some time to prepare her self for so weighty a concerne: I have hitherto kept her so Ig­norant she will not guess what you mean by your adresses.

Sir Nois.

I'le crack the Ice of her Virginty, and then carry her down in­to the Country instruct there by degrees at more leisure.

Au.

Man was design'd as the sole Lord and Ruler of all below: And to mould Woman like wax into what forme and shape he pleases when once she has tasted of the tree in the middle of of the Garden of delight, her Eyes will be enlightned to know whats what, then she'le soon despise the toys and Baw­bles shee once admire'd.

Sir Nois.

Let me alone to infuse Understanding into her, I am young and Vigorous.

Au.

but that makes me afraid to commit her into your hands, she is green and tender and must not be handled to roughly: But since you re­solve to bring her Maidenhead to the block: make her drink a hearty Glass of Wine, and tell her 'tis part of the Ceremony, it will raise her mettle incourage her Spirits, and make her suffer with less apprehension.

Sir Nois.

I'le warrant you madam I will pursue your instructions.

Au.

I doubt not but it will be infinitely for your satisfaction.

Exit Au.
Sir Nois.

I long to see this pretty Charming Creature.

Ful.

Plot says she's very handsom and doubtles will ingage your fancy: for her being Country bred (as it goes in the World) it is a great hap­pyness. Your Polite conversation will instruct her in her duty perfectly ac­cording to your own mind and humour.

Enter Aunt, and Neice in her hand drest like a Girle.
Au.

Come in Child, hold up your head thus fashion'd— so— when was your Dancing Master here?

Leo.

Yesterday forsooth.

Au.

Very well Child— make this Gen [...]leman a low Curtsy— Child this Gentleman is a worthy Knight, that your Uncle has sent hither for your Husband. You must bid him welcome.

Sir Noisy salutes her.
Leo.

Oh Lord foorsooth Aunt his Face feels as rough as a Nutmeg gra­ter.

Au.

But he can wipe it away with a washball, and make it as smooth as a Bowling Green.

Sir Nois.

Mistress I am come to Court you for my Wife.

Leo.

You are wellcome as my Aunt pray'd me to tell you.

Au.

Well Child this Noble Knight is come to make you his Lady.

Leo.
[Page 37]

Oh Lord! Aunt forsooth what's that.

Au.

He will lead you to a man in black, there you must say some words joyn hands, and be marryed; and then you must lye in a Bed together.

Leo.

Oh Lord! forsooth I shall be asham'd to lye with any Body but you:

Au.

But now I must lye with this Gentleman.

pointing to Fulham.

And you must leave me, and lye with this noble Knight: and he will Court you, and say obliging things, and looke Babyes in your Eyes, and present you with fine rich costly Jewells all Sparkling like the Stars in a a frosty Night, and you must ride up and down with him in a Coach and Six Horses, with Pages with Hats and Feathers and lac'd Coates, and goe as fine as hands and Pins can make you, and live in Ihe Country in a great house as big as half this Town.

Leo.

Oh dear that will be very fine, but will he be as good as his word?

Sir Nois.

That I will, if you will kiss and Love me.

Leo.

I'le do my best Sir.

Sir Nois.

And I hope to please you better before you and I part.

kisses her.
Leo.

I vow Aunt he takes away my breath.

Au.

But now you are his, he may take a greater Liberty; and you are bound to do as he would have you.

Leo.

Nay I vow he makes me asham'd.

Sir Nois.

My Dear! you must go with me to be Marry'd.

Leo.

My Dear! that's a fine Hony Sugar-candy word, you may carry me where you please.

Sir Nois.

Well I would not have beleiv'd a pretty Woman could have been brought up in such Ignorance: Yet I perceive in her some Glim­mering of Knowledge: I doubt not but I shall quickly improve her Fancy.

kisses her roughly.
Exeunt,
The SCENE Changes to a Ship.
Enter Master, Mate, their Wives and other Seamen.
Mas.

Come my Lads, let us Crowne the Table in the Dutch Fashion, that we like Ducks in warm weather may kiss and tipple our fills. In this vast Punch Bole is contained Celestiall Liquor: 'Tis all Prise Brandy and as true as ever came from Nantz. Guard the Bowle Boy, least a high Sea should overset it.

Mate.

There is no danger of smooth Water in the Thames. But I per­ceive Master you are already half Seas over.

Mas.

But Drunk or sober Mate, I know my business. Place your selves Doxyes. You love to sit admiring the reflexion of your Beauty in the Punch Bowle. Here's your health.

drinks.
Wife.

We return you the thanks of the Table: and we doubt not to [Page 38] match a Rowland to your Oliver.

Mas.

Coxon, what Prest men have you brought, let them appear and muster before the Women, that they may Pick and Choose.

Wife.

Thou art a lying Knave, thou hadst rather the bread should moul­dy on my hands, then I should spare a bit for Charitable uses.

Mas.

Thyne was a cut loafe, and therefore I did not expect the kissing crust: but I think I had best to lock it up and put you to short Allow­ance.

Wife.

Where every man carrys a picklock about him how can you se­cure it, except I stand Centry.

Mas.

I wish I were the richest Cuckold that ever trod the Exchange.

Wife.

I doubt not that would advance your Fortune, as high as Cuc­kolds point.

Mas.

I hate these sculking Rogues that hide themselves from the Kings Service.

Mate.

'Tis a base quallity, but they have generally a tenderness for life and would avoid broken Bones; since they can get better pay in a Merchant man or a Collier.

Mas.

For my part I always cry neck or nothing, the King loves no Cripples.

Coxon, brings in the Prest men, and with them Sir Worldly disguis'd.
Cox.

This Rogue to save his Bacon lodg'd in a Conduit upon straw.

Mas.

If such a cold Lodging agrees with his Constitution he shall have no Punch to warm it, but you may give him a kick to stir his Blood.

Cox.

This great He-Whore, I found in Essex at harvest in Petticoats; his fellow labourers the wenches, were loath to part with their freehold, ha­ving found the sweetness of his Temper. One Jayd hung about him like the Jackanapes on the horse, at the Bear-garden; But would not for the delights of her body venture her Carcase on board. This Rogue, I found with a wench just going to be marry'd. She down of her knees that the Ceremony might proceed, that the parish might have tittle to keep the next Bastard. I had patience till the Job was over, drove him on board, and Consummated my self. This fellow a Brickmaker, was set to me by his Wife in a passion: But when she found he was going, she would have pawn'd her Childs whistle to have redeem'd her plaything: But he gave her a kick and bid her look after her kidds, for now the King had made him free and bid adeiu to his Slavery, resolving he would no longer make brick without Straw.

Mas.

Here Sirrah here's a cup of Punch for your noble resolution. What fellow's that in the Whiskers—

pointing to Sir Worldly.
Cox.

He was taken by our Leiutenant and deliver'd with Speciall orders not to be parted with till he came.

Mas.

Then I suppose he knows him for [...] of moment. Make room come sit down Whiskers.

Sir Wor.

I thank you Sir, better here then among the lowsie Seamen.

Mas.
[Page 39]

You are wellcome on board, here's my Leiutenants health in pure Nantz Brandy as ever was tipt Supernaculum. What does he Scruple it, you must know a Bumper of Punch is your Garnish on board, and must be paid here as well as in the Counter, I suppose Brother you can take Charge to the Norward.

Sir Wor.

I beg your pardon, I am a stranger to these matters.

Mas.

That wont serve your turn. here's our Captains health.

Sir Wor.

I have a weak head and you must hold me excus'd

Mas.

By that fine expression, I know this fellow is a Land-lubber and I will take pleasure to use him as such a dog deserves. What Scruple our Captains health?

[Whistles]

Tosse me up a dozen of hands and lay this Recu­sant over the breech of a Gun, and give him a lusty Coptee, and while his breech is warm, plant him in the Bilbows, there let him be forth coming at the return of my Leiutenant.

Sir Wor.

Better sit quietly in the Stocks, then be drunk in such Swinish Company.

Exit Sir Worldly and the Crew of Seamen.
Mas.

Come let the health pass.

Mate

Will a Goose Swim Oh Master what Storms you and I have been in, that was a blusterer cast us away on the Coast of Holland.

Mas.

Pox ont that was but a flea-bite to what I have seen, I have been Tost on the Cape of good hope, where at every send of a Sea, I could have touch'd the Moon with my finger, and at the next have pull'd the devil up by the pate: The hugest Mountains have look'd like Warts, and the Peak of Tenariff like a Sugar-loafe. In the Dreadnongh, a Thunder-bolt split our Main mast, and a flash of lightning fir'd me a Pipe of Tobacco, a Sul­pherous clowd of fire roul'd round the deck, and I swept it off with the Swab. The poor Master look'd as pale as a clowt, half dead and frozen with fear. I took the whipstaff out of his hand and steer'd her to a Cows thumb. I have been in a storm when to lighten the Ship we have threw Gold and Sil­ver overboard by whole-Sale, as much as would have ransom'd the King God bless him, yet the hard hearted Sea roar'd the lowder for more: I was more troubled with a fellow came from Rome, that would have preserv'd some Agnus dei's, Relicks and other precious trinkets, which he reserv'd for a London Market, I order'd them to be thrown overboard together, which presently decided the difference and made it plainly appear his movables were of less value then his life: I told him when he was on shoar he might find Ingenious Artists would easily repare the damage if he had the grace to vouch they came from Rome. And so Gentlemen have among you blind harpers.

drinks.
Mate.

Our Master would monopolize the trade of lying, but I will put in for my snack.

[aside.]

I once Sayl'd with a grave Spaniard who in a great Storm invoked the Virgin at Loretta, by the sweetest kindest obliging Saints names that I expected to have seen her appear, and stroke­ing his beard with great gravity, complemented the Sea at such a rate as made the by standers laugh. Oh thow most mild and Gentle Sea! Oh thou most Noble Rich and Generous Sea! Oh thou most comely fair swel­ling [Page 40] Sea! Let us prevale with thee, to aswage thy mighty billowes and become more calm and temperate: Casting away his obliging expressions on the deaf Boysterous Waves. He vow'd to the fair Lady if she would set him safe on Land, he would light up a torch to her glory bigger then the Monument in London. I touch him with my elboe to mind him, he was not to extravagant in his promises. But he whispred me she was a good Lady and if he once got on dry Ground, she would accept of a farthing Candle in full satisfaction. The Company was devided into several Caballs, and every one was devoute in his own way. Some sung Psalms and Hymns: some accosted their severall Saints some were mut­tering of Spells which they thought more available, but few or none ad­dress'd themselves to him that they were sure had power to help them.

Mas.

Mate you are in a Comicall humour—Suck your face you Baggage or else you shall never be wellcome to a dram of the Bottle.

Wife.

Wherever you hide it, I will never sleep till I have my fill of it.

Mas.

Why you Jade do you think I'le make his Majesties Ketch a Bawdy-house.

Wife.

What need you scruple that, when it has been done before hand by your betters.

Mas.

How do you know that, you Cocatrice? Scatter no words I say.

Wife.

By hear-say my dear.

Mas.

Oh 'tis well your come off, or else honour would have divorc'd me till the return of the next Voyage. But if at my comming home after a two years voyage I find you ready to fall on Sunder, the Parish shall keep its own Chil­dren, but at present I pass by the last Brat.

Here are a sort of Fidlers aboard, bring them out, and let them rub out their Guts for my diversion, and let the Rascalls sing us a Song, that the Punch may trole down to some tune. The force of this great Bomb has blown off some of our Bull dogs, but we'le fall on with a new detachment, and sound the bottom ere we part.

They sing a Sea Song.

This was made by one that understood plain Sayling, and Ship shape. My deer let some of the inferiour women come in and divert us with a Dance: But let me not see a face that is not drunk as any in the great Cabin.

Wife

Never trouble your self, I'le warrant you they have not been Idle

Mas.

Go muster the Buttocks, I make you the Mistress of my Ceremonys, while I sit here in State, here Cockatrice your health—I am resolv'd to get you with Child this night, and then none can injure my love in my absence.

Wife.

And when I have my owners goods on board, I can pick up what Pas­sengers I please.

Mas.

Go to, you'r a pert baggage, get them together while I sit here to be diverted and smoak a pipe.

Enter the Seamen and their Wives dance awkardly as being drunk, and fancying the hee'les on one side as in a gale of Wind: At the end of the Dance, Enter the Leiutenant, and Plot. The Bote-swaine whistles and with his Cat of nine tayles drives them all of the Stage.
[Page 41] The Lieutenant brings back the Masters Wife.
Lieu.

I have some Freinds to come on Board and designe to treat them chere-intier, and now you are to drunk for Business.

Wife.

I'le warrant you Sir, I can mind the main chance I will instantly on shore, and and summon in all the young Jolly handsome Seamens Wives that do all for Love.

Lieu.

Let them be Young and sound, and no man on our part shall in­gage, till he has pass'd your examination and has allow'd him practick. If you put one rotten Egg upon us, we'le see you keele-hald for our di­version.

Wife.

If I deceive you I'm ready to undergo that discipline.

Exit.
Lieu.

Sir I have order'd your Prest-man to be deliver'd you.

to Plot.
Plot.

I thank you Sir, and am your humble Servant.

Exeunt.
Enter Aunt.
Au.

Well they are Marry'd and the Lusty Knight will to bed in a mo­ment: This sort of diversion puts odd fancy's in my head: And since young Fox is so full Gorg'd, he will not stoop to the Lure, I will drive the Nayle where it will go. This Fulham is a lusty handsom propper Fellow. He is rough and bousterous, and will quickly humble a Woman, with­out harkening to Capitulations: Besides he has a great hand with Sir Noisy: and if he and I should set our Horses together, we could manage him as we please.

Enter Fulham.
Ful.

I just parted with Sir Noisy, and drank a Stirrup cup to his good Journey, by this time he's mounted.

Au.

I'le warrant you are Sorry you are out of Imployment?

Ful.

That might quickly be if you pleas'd. 'Tis merry in the Hall, when Beards wag all; You look too Charming for an Aunt I should have taken you for a Maid.

Au.

Sure you think Ten years between my Neice, and me; has wrought strange alterations.

Ful.
Your Beauty like the purest Gold oft try'd
Does from Loves Furnace rise more puryfy'd:
While Youth is mixt with follys grosse allay
Without some granes will never pass in pay.
Like fresh green wood averse unto Loves fire,
By slow degrees is warm'd into desire;
Whereas as the Jolly well experienc'd Dame,
Pays Love for Love and Triumphs in the Flame.
Youth like the Dog-Star burns beneath the Line,
While riper Years make a more temperate Clime.
[Page 42]And like new Wine inrages boiling Blood,
But when grown fine by Age, grows safe and good.
Au.

Your Reason is very Powerful and I am charm'd with your Conver­sation: Your so like my first dear Love, that I am ravisht with your Com­pany.

Ful.

my heart is inflam'd with your Beauty: this fair opportunity makes a Theif, and I am to blame if I do not plunder a kiss.

kisses her.
Au.

You cannot Robb another of what she is willing to bestow: I look on you as Sir Noisy's Friend, and therefore may safely commit my Honour into your hands; and I know you Scorn to take this opportunity to be rude.

Ful.

Not except you force me to it.

Au.

Force me then I defy you.

Ful.

So I thought.

aside.
Au.

But I would have you to know, I have hitherto liv'd in the World without Scandall: and will spit in any mans Face will offer an unhand­some thing to me.

Ful.

Then you are welcome to spit in mine, for I must make bold.

Au.

Nay do not be uncivill I charge you in the Kings Name, If you should force me I can hang you.

Ful.

That would be but an unkind return to one that vows your service, but if it must be come dolefull Death.

kisses her.
Au.

I see by your Eyes you have some wicked design upon my Honour, but I will not stir one Foot into the next room.

[Kisses her and lays hand of the Chain about her Neck.]
Ful.

Nay hold, now I have you fast by the Chain you shall go, and if you force me to break it, I'le carry it to the Tavern and melt it down for Consolation.

Au.

Why you treacherous Villain! you will not make use of this ad­vantage to robb me of my Honour? Well I vow I'le be reveng'd.

Ful.

If I do not please you, hang me and spare not.

Au.

Well let the Stars bear witness I am Innocent of this Folly, forced like an Ox to the Slaughter, and hamper▪d like a Bird in a snare. And now I defy your baseness— do your worst.

Ful.

So I will in an honourable way.

Au.

Nay I vow I'le cry out. Sir Noisy, Sir Noisy, Sir Noisy. I am quite spent with Straining my Voice, Oh! thou base Fellow! I'le bawl so loud the Neigh­bours shall here me, except you stop my mouth with your handkerchief.

Ful.

I gad and that was well thought off.

puts his handkercheif in her mouth▪

Now I think I have secur'd all and can command you as a Spider does a fly ingag'd in her Cobwebb. Come along Lady.

[she holds the handkerchief in her mouth and crys hum—hum—while he drags her off the Stage by the Chain.]
Exeunt.
The End of the Fourth Act.

ACT. V.

SCENE, the Park.
Enter Lady, and Clarinda.
La.

I Am well pleas'd with your contrivance to free your self from that Impudent pretender Sir Noisy Parrat, who having got your Fathers Approbation thought to invade and carry you by right of Conquest. Parents should strive to win our minds, by fair, and gentle Methods: and not force their Childrens Inclinations like ridged Tyrants.

Cla.

But Madam I must beg if he should return to plague me, you will lend your assistance to laugh him out of Countenance?

La.

That I will, and ingage if ever he be so audacious to return, we will drive him out of the Feild. But my Friend, it will be reasonable since I so freely ingage in your Quarrell, you should be my confident and assist me. I have already had two interveiws with your Brother Fox in mask unknown, and by Chance: entertain'd him with all Raillery and freedom. The same day he din'd with my Brother and me, I chang'd the Copy of my countenance and receiv'd him with all gravety, he not gues­sing I was the Jolly Lady in the Mask: He told me at my next meeting in the Mask, my face had strangely shaken his Constancy, and prest me to discover mine by way of Antidote: But I insisted I expected a firmer proof of his Constancy and obedience, ere I oblig'd him so far: and if he slighted my Conversation he was at liberty to pursue his Conquest up­on my Country Rivall: He submitted and vow'd fidelity, and I re­ceiv'd him into Favour: If I find him a man of strict honour and Justice, It will sooner take with me then the sparkling fancys of an airy Wit. And if he has ingag'd his Inclinations to the Lady in the Mask when he discovers me to be the same, it will prove a double Conquest: I will not doubt you can be unfaithfull to me for the sake of a Brother when one of the same Relation has already vow'd himself your Servant. And if I had discover'd any unworthy Quality in him I would acquaint you with it, to avoid his pretensions.

Cla.

My heart is now calm and even like a standing water, and I could wish it would so remain, without the Flux, and Reflux of a passionate tyde agitated and driven at the mercy of the winds; sometimes rising with the floods of Joy, above the banks of moderation: and afterwards discending into the Gulf of Sorrow and dispair. Fortune chains us Women like Pren­tices, to the will and humour of our Husbands, who must rise or fall by their care and Management; while the distracting cares of Families and Children devides our hearts, and spirits us away into remote and distant Countrys and [Page 44] by degrees Supplant that kindness which at present governs our hearts.

La.

The Love I owe my Husband, is a seperate duty, and does not in­terfer with our Freindship: which like a chain firmly unites our hearts, whereon the least stroak given, is by both sensibly felt: Then let us twine our weak defenceles Vines about the armes of two strong Neighbouring Oakes, who still shall joyn in Freindship to support our Interest, and hon­nour: against the Canker of all envious Tongues, where they may flourish to our wishes and still preserve our Freindship.

Cla.

On what a ticklish ground our happyness depends, so many cares distract our choice, that Labouring fancy sits down unresolv'd.

La.

Then let our Prudence steere the wisest course, and leave the rest to chance. But hold I perceive my Gallant at a distance bringing your Bro­ther as a Spye, let's shift our walks they cannot Know our habits and I'le instruct you further.

Exeunt.
Enter Frank, and Freindly.
Fra.

I beg your pardon I have trayn'd you hither, where I expect to meet a Lady whose Wit has much ingag'd me. She brings a Freind or Servant with her, but keeps her face and Character still in the dark, and I would beg when you see me accost her, you draw the other Mask aside, and pump out what you can to cleere my doubts of her Condition. I at this inter­veiw will fix the Matter or break of further Correspondence, and bring you as a witness. Had not I been ingag'd in this blind Business, I had paid homage to your Sisters Eyes, whose Beauty and reserv'dness charm'd me strangly for whom I own a most profound respect, and cannot make a tender of my Service, while this Intrigue depends.

Frein.

Sir you have reason in your fair proposall. I know my Sisters caution, has still preserv'd her Reputation Spotles: my Freindship would not ingage her in a doubtfull matter: when you have cleer'd that point, and shall be constantly resolv'd to quit all dangerous rambling: You shall com­mand my best assistance.

Fra.

Your Freindship Sir obliges me— One of these Ladys by her Stature and mein should be her I told you of, but alter'd in her habit.

Enter Lady, Clarinda.

Madam your Servant?

La.

Oh Servant, I had much ado to be punctuall to my word this Lady knows: You have oblig'd me with a double favour and brought your Second: this Lady else had wanted Conversation. Your pardon Sir, while we discourse apart.

Clarinda Curtsys to Freindly they walk off.
Manent Lady and Franck.
Fra.
The Star Light of your Sparkling Diamonds Madam,
Suite your be nighted Vizour.
[Page 45]Remove that shaddow from your shining Orb
And chase th' Aegyptian darkness from my heart.
La.
I once design'd this for my Wedding Garb
Resolving then to have clear'd every doubt
Making my fortune worthy your acceptance.
But since your Jealousy did not confide
But brought a Freind for a discovery,
I will suspend tho' not Casheir your hopes:
I know your late Intrigue.
Which now is blasted with an envious Star
And your Adresses to the Country Lady,
But you suspend to make a declaration
Till you can make an estimate of me.
But while divided Interest hunts two Hares,
An accident oft chops to miss them both.
And if you'le prove a noble generous Lover,
give me your hand, and take me at a Word.
Fra.
Though I'me Inchanted with your Wit and Humour,
I dare not make so rash a hood wink'd Bargain.
La.
My hasty proffer puts you to a loss:
But Company draws near to interrupt us,
Let's change our Walk?
Enter Clarinda and Freindly.
Cla.

Sir you have infinitly diverted me with your discourse, and there­fore I must beg the favour of your Advice upon some Circumstances which tend to my disquiet.

Frein.

You may command my service.

Cla.

I am now upon the stroke of Eighteen, and quite tyr'd out with going to morning prayers, where I am continually pestred with a trouble­some sort of insects they call Fops, and Beau's; that infest the neighbour­ing Pews, buzzing about ones Ears, who though they despair of the Body, will studdy to deflower Reputation. And therefore I judge it convenient (by way of prevention) to marry out of the way, and having put my Husband into full Possession, let him from thenceforward take care of it for his own sake. For if these busy Fools should lay a train to blow up ones good name, it will be difficult to retrive it, or a Husband, to Justify honour and reputati­on: and at last be forc'd to take up with a sneaking Jealous, one of whom I shall have reason to be asham'd: or forc'd to turn Nun and lead Apes in Hell.

Frein.

I perceive by your discourse you are in no great likelyhood to fit your self with a Husband ready made, and twill be too late to bespeake one, you must take your Chance.

Cla.

You speak like an Oracle: what think you of a sweet natur'd easy Complaisant Person?

Frein.
[Page 46]

Such a fool were a blessing, many a Lady would have jumpt at here­tofore, and have bidden battle to any would have snapt him out of their hands. But it was in times of Yore, when abler men were at hand to supply his place. By this means she secures to her self the sole rule and government, and is install'd Plene-Potentiary, But so absolute a domination, scarcely counter­veils the nauseous trouble and conversation of such an intollerable Coxcomb; who often misled by evil Counsell, proves an unmanagable beast, and like the Elephant when he is gauld turns on his own part, trampling down all that oppose him.

Clar.

But a wise woman will govern in publick no more then is reasonable, and leave his misdemeanours to a Curtin-lecture in the morning fresh and fasting—But what think you of a brisk airy Spark?

Frein.

As a meer dancing singing noisy empty nothing, one that Cuffs the Cushion so often abroad, he is seldom in humour to hold forth at home, But leaves the neglected Sine Cure to shift for it self; If you rouse the stupid churle with any concern for himself, or his estate, he shuns you like an offended Ghostly Father, or a School Boy broke loose from his book; He squanders his favours all over the Town, and is never better pleas'd, then when his Gilting Mistress sevearly rallys his Orthodox Spouse, owning him for a fine sweet natur'd ac­complish'd Gentleman, Oh then she melts his Heart and his Purse to the last Penny.

Clar.

What say you then to a fine drest well shap'd Beau?

Frein.

He was a Fop of the last Edition, and finding his Monky antick tricks and Gimmcracks would no longer pass in his Autumnall Years, reforms his manners and customs, and sets up for a sober formall ill natur'd person, fre­quents the Coffee-house and turns a snarling Critick, and like old women in rancour and spite: turn malitious witches. And considering he has mispent the best of his time frequents the Church, Play house, musick meetings and Dancing-Schools to make himself a saver upon some young Giddy-braind Fortune, retires with his wife into the Country, least she should pay his old Scores.

Cla.

What say you to a Learned Sot, or a downright Lawyer or a Vertuoso?

Frein.

'Twould grieve a Lady to be troubled with such a hum drum Studious dunce allways poreing over his Books and forgetting his duty to his own flesh and Blood: But the drudg is ready, when she is minded to re­sort to him for Counsell, manages her case gratis: If she were not unreason­able she would not complain of her standing Counsell though she scarse vouchsafes him thanks for his pains, but robs our poor Peter of his fees for the sake of her beloved Paul. He is no Fool at the bottom though she often makes him one: He permits her to Rule his Family, and dispose of his mo­vables at pleasure. If he lives not to long, his Industry makes her no loo­ser by the Bargain.

Cla.

You give me no Incouragement to venture with any of the aforesaid Persons, let me be beholden to you for your more serious directions, how to pass away this foolish transitory Life, and keep so great a happyness as [Page 47] Love and Freindship alive; tho' raked up in the Embers.

Frein.

Madam you say right, for though love makes a Bon-fire to well­come you home, it will hardly keep the Embers alive to warm us when you go to Bed. The joys and transports of love like Lightning dazells us, and then follows the thundring Noise of Pekes, Jelousies, Hopes, Fears, tur­moiles, vexations, troubles and disappointments like the successive hot and cold Fit, of a Feavour and Ague, of which women made of a refin'd mold and of a more noble Original and Extraction, are more sensible of the jar­ring discords. But how to preserve so great a happyness will lye under the direction of a deeper Philosopher then I can pretend to be. Yet I must comply with your Ladyships desires and venture on some chance di­rections a Sketch of a fancy— Let Beauty, Fortune, a good Wit and dis­position concurr in your Choice, which Blessings singly are but melanchol­ly Company when you are joyn'd for your Lives: Let him be a man of Virtue and Honour of a Steady humour and disposition, not given to be peevish or froward, or unreasonable opinionated hugging himself in the chaire of the Scorner. If little quarrells do arise give way to each other, and never prosecute them with eagernes and contention, but let the next glass of Wine, like a Cup of Lethe drown the remembrance. So may your young Love like new Wine not glut and cloy with the sweetness of the first Injoyment, but drink the more refin'd pure and sprightly dureing your Lives, being a continuall Feast and Sauce for every days Injoy­ment.

Enter Lady follow'd by Franck running as affrighted, runs behind Freindly to save her self from Franck.
La.
Oh save me Sir, from this unworthy man!
Whome I came here to meet upon his Letter
Which basely he disowns, denys his Vows
And threatnes Vengeance if I give not up
My Solemn Contract under hand and Seale.
But I resolve to ingage all my Freinds
To Vindicate my Spotles Reputation:
Having renounc'd his honour and his Faith,
And chang'd his fancy for some other Beauty.
Fr.
Thou base unworthy and most perjur'd Woman!
Take there your hundred Guinneas your first Bribe,
I Scorne the thought of such dishonest practise,
And thee the Inventer of so gross a Lye.
La.
So here the Letter written with his hand
gives Freindly the letter
Kindly Inviting me to meet him here.
Fr.
Base Forgery and Witchcraft.
My Passion swells me past all bounds of Reason!
Ladys hold of her.
I'le drown the Hag i'th neighbring Canale.
Frein.
Hold Sir I must oppose your Violence!
Un hand her Sir!
She runs behind Freindly while he looks on the letter.
This Letter seems all written with your hand,
[Page 48]Vouch'd with a Contract under hand and Seal:
This Ladys Meine appears of Quality
Equall to whatsoever she pretends.
And if your Courtship has prevail'd upon her
Redeem your soily and now do her right.
Fr.
'Tis not the Rack or Torture should compell me,
It makes me mad to think,
That you should easily believe so gross a slander.
Friend.
I ever will renounce the name of Friend
Where I perceive such base and double dealing,
This one discovery has made me happy,
Else thou wouldst still have shelter'd under Friendship
And lurk'd to hide thy base intent. Thou Crocadile
That lyest in ambush for my Sisters Fame
Then feign a tear ore them thy falshood ruin'd.
Madam you shall command my Sword to right you,
And wipe this Stench and Nusance from the Earth
Since happily I saw the Bassalisk,
I now defy his future machinations:
Draw and defend your life.
Fr.
hold Sir! forbear,
Else you may act a Mischief you'l repent
Through heat and passion, which I well can clear.
Friend.
Men of your sort are us'd to skin the Soar
And leave the rotten Coar within to fester,
But I will spill that poyson on the earth
Unless you poorly beg your life and pardon.
Fr.
That Sir perhaps may prove too hard a Chapter,
My Sword unsheath'd never petition'd yet.
Clar.
I'le guard that life you force me to defend—
La.
Hold Brother—
as they are ready to fight the Sisters unmask and lay hold of their Brothers—they part
Clar.
Hold—
Fr.
Hy! what's here to do? a tryall of skill
And the fair Ladies drawn in as Sticklers to the Quarell.
This threatning Storm
Rais'd by the Magick of the Ladys Eyes!
Is by their Smiles compos'd: When in my own defence
I rais'd my Sword it never could design
To peirce that Breast: I rather would have dy'd.
Wellcome dear Friend into thy Brothers Armes.
Freind.
Wellcome my Friend and Brother:
And pardon Sir this Foolish may-gaym quarrell?
La.
'Tis I alone must blush and beg your pardon:
My false pretentions Rais'd this sudden quarrell,
By this seign'd claym I try'd your Gallant temper
And found you both most perfect e'ery way.
[Page 49]I own your worth has justly won upon me,
And I had held you longer in suspence
Had not this sudden Gust blown of my Mask.
Fra.
Then I must bless that storm your wit has rais'd,
Which hurryed me into so safe a Harbour.
Madam I beg you will confirm my hopes,
Since wit and Beauty joyn to fan desire
Who can oppose such a resistless fire?
La.
This do's confirm you Master of my Fortune:
gives him her hand, he kisses it.
In times of Innocence,
E're Subtill heads devis'd long Settlements
And perplext clauses made things intricate,
One single Turfe convey'd a vast Estate.
Fra.
[He salutes her and says,]
This Turf's my tenure,
And I'le ne're quit it untill death depart.
La.
I cannot Brother make you a return,
to Freindly.
For Interesting your self in my concern;
Which binds me ever to become your Servant.
This Lady's Eyes have power to reflect
The true Idea of your Gen'rous mind.
Frein.
My secret Vows have made me long your Servant,
to Clarinda.
And been a true devote unto your Shrine:
My Sister knows my Heart was still your Slave.
La.
I know his constant and sincere Affection,
Then let me beg you will accept this hand,
That will present a Heart has long ador'd you.
Fra.
Sister if I have power to sway your mind,
to Clarinda.
I beg our Families may be united.
Clar.
Should I refuse,
to the Lady.
My self I banish from what most I Love;
While your Example blindly I obey,
I without thinking give my self away.
Frein.
To a disparing heart this balm is sure,
Your gracious hand could only worke the Cure.
kisses Clarinda's hand.
Fra.
At last this lucky quarrell cleer'd the doubt,
Or else these Forts had many Months held out:
So boyst'rous waves in high wrought Seas are known
To meet, and kiss, and presently grow one.
Exeunt.
SCENE, the Hall.
Enter Sir Worldly, Aunt.
He dressing himself.
Sir Wor.
You've told me all the story of your Neice,
Which calls a guilty Blush into my Cheeks,
But henceforth be to me an utter stranger:
The Goods are yours and all the Furniture,
[Page 50]Goe and be Huckster to an other bargain.
Exit Aunt.
I who have long by Wisdoms Compass steer'd
Thro' the Rough Seas and threatning Rocks of danger
Into the Ports of Profit, and of Honour;
Find now some Remora arests my Vessell,
Detaining her against the Wind and Currant:
Either the prosperous Gale of Fortune leaves me,
Or I want wit to trim and shift my Sayles.
I late was forc'd to pay a heavy Ransom
For this unlucky head to the Banditty,
And glad I scap'd so too.
And when my cares, had treasur'd up my heart
In Leonora's Love was disapointed;
And when I thought to search all in disguise,
By an unlucky chance or close designe
Was Spirited on Shipboard.
At my return I found my Mistress marry'd
By the Contrivance of my Son— should I resent it
As I have Reason, I must then Revenge it:
And my Revenge is blunted by my Nature,
Or my devided house must drop to peeces.
I must forgive his faults or raise a Scandall
On my past Actions.
Pardon his Clemency who punish'd my Purse,
And had it in his power to use me worse.
To him Enter Lady, Franck, Freindly and Clarinda.
Fra.
I kneel to ask your pardon: I would not presume
Had not this Lady joyn'd in the request
In hopes that you will grant your free Consent,
To make us happy.
The Lady going to kneel he stops her.
Sir Worl.
Madam I must prevent you,
Unless you'le make me kneel for Company:
I give my full consent to your desires,
And pardon all offences of this Boy.
Rise Sir, and I pray heaven to make you happy.
Lady.
I us'd to plead some interest in your favour
And pray,
That as our Family has still been joyn'd
In Freindship— now you will Unite their Love,
In this my Sister and my Brother Freindly.
Sir Worl.
Madam you Ravish me with this good News,
And now my Girl has chosen with my Eyes.
I wish all four may ever prove most happy.
he kisses them all.
My heart is swell'd and pent in narrow bounds,
As mighty tydes meeting Lands Floods of Joy,
O're flow the Banks and with excess destroy.
[Page 51]I must retire a while.
Exit Sir Worldly.
Fra.
I know my Fathers infinitly pleas'd
But time must worke it to his satisfaction,
And calme the troubles rais'd within his breast.
I saw the Aunt,
That told him of Sir Noisy's Marriage,
With his young Wife.
La.

I know that whole Intrigue, by a strange chance, and that she's bound to you for her Advancement: I'le never think you worse for your good Nature, and putting of old household stuff to best advantage.

Fra.

For faults are past I humbly beg your pardon.

Enter Plot.
Plot.

Sir Noisy and his Lady, and other Freinds are without to wait on Sir Worldly.

Fra.

It is his vanity to show his pretty Wife I'le out and introduce 'em.

Exit.
To them Enter Sir Noisy, his Lady, Aunt, Scaredevil, Fulham, Plot and other Servants.
Sir Nois.

I brought my Wife to wait on Sir Worldly, a young Innocent Foolish harmless Girle whom I intend to breed up in my house in the Country, and instruct her to carry her self in Company: She has no skill in the Mi­nuet, and Sings but one tune that I have taught her: Poor Soul she cannot mannage a Bottle decently with a Freind, nor has not confidence to— make the Glasses clash in Chorus.

aside. That's a bitter Bob for some body.

I have no rellish for these Learned Ladys that know the nicety of Rules, which make Women positive and preremptory, and as resty to all mannage­ment as a headstrong horse: who having once got the Bit between his Teeth runs away with a man to the Devil. I'me for breaking a young filly till I can steer her with a twine thread.

Fra.

But your Lady looks as if she had good naturall parts, I dare sware her ready Genius will improve upon your Instruction, and quickly play her lesson upon sight. I wish you all happyness, tho' I cannot so well digest your Cross-biting me of my Mistress.

Sir Nois.

Dear Frank, I always desire to hold a fair Corespondence with thee, and am an humble Servant to these Fair Ladys.

Fra.
to Lady aside.

I was forc'd to humble the Fool or he would have Top'd us all and grown rampant.

La.

Sir Noisy, I will wish your Lady Joy— Madam your humble Servant?

Leo.

I thank you forsooth.

they goe to the other side of the Stage.
La.

Pretty Innocence.

Leo. turns her back to the Stage.
Leo.
Madam I dare not pay you what respect is due in outward show:
But my heart is your Slave.
And having Shipwrack'd by my Folly
I am by chance redeem'd from utter ruine:
Oh I could weep with tears of joy and grief,
For my good Fortune oweing to his Friendship,
[Page 52]And loosing him whom I hold once so dear.
La.

But now your Freind is turn'd into my husband.

Leo.
I wish you Joy, and that they ne're may prosper
Would wish to disoblige so good a Lady.
La.

I am acquainted with your story, which still lies here conceal'd: I wish your conduct may redeem your faults, and well attone what's past, and for my sake accept this Ring a pledge of Freindship.

Leo.

Madam you honour me.

Enter Sir Worldly.
Sir Worl.

This day has crown'd my Joys, and here I bid adeiu to Love and Vanity. Sir Noisy you are welcome so is your Lady, you are the greatest Strangers— Son Freindly, I Settle Ten Thousand pounds upon your Mar­riage, and will not stint my hand as you are kind unto Clarinda. To you my Son I give your mothers whole Estate for present mantenance, and the remainder at my Death. And now my thoughts are fixt upon my Children, who are my joy and hopes: I cannot now seperate your Interests. Whoso­ever makes me first a Grandfather I give a Thousand pound.

Plot.

Sir Noisy has brought some men of Art to entertain you with a Dance, if you please to sit.

A Dance.
Sir Worldly comes forward on the Stage.
Sir Worl.
My Folly has convinc'd me of this Rule,
Young men Instruct, while oid Fops go to School.
I own with Shame what I have oft been told,
That of all fools there's none can match the Old.
FINIS.

This Song is Repeated by Sir Noisy Parrat with great Admiration, and after Sung. In the Second Act. page 17.

I.
THou Life of all the Sun whose Grace
Enlightens this fair Hemesphere,
Where Noblest Beautys fainter rays
Like Stars by day-light disappear.
II.
Thou Miracle with Heavenly Fire
Doest kindle Love in every heart,
In whom the Graces do conspire
Joyn'd with the Muses utmost art.
III.
My Wit is dazled with thy Eyes,
My heart is ravish'd with thy Voice;
Lend me Loves wings that I may rise
Not by my merrit, but thy choice.

Second Song in the same Page.

I.
Man. I took the faithless Callow from the Nest
And Nurst thee in my Breast,
Taught thee the grounds and notes to Chirp and Sing,
But when thou felt'st the Spring
Thou didst dispise my Care unkindly Roame
Abroad regardless of my Love, neglecting home.
II.
Woman. For all thy care and kindness past 'tis true
Grave Sir, my thanks are due;
But thou design'st to slave me as a Wife,
And Cage me for my Life:
Beauty for [...]loysters Nature did not meane,
While ev'ry b [...]sh presents a brisk young Valentine.
III.
Man. Thy Vows assur'd me and our hands did joyn,
Thou ever wouldst be mine,
That no seducing Bird of Song or Prey,
Should Spirit thee away,
I claym thee as my right, thou [...]earl of price;
Purchas'd with all my Stock my lovely Paradice.
IV.
Woman. 'Twas man grown false, or weake that first did plot
To knit this Gordian Knot,
By Tyrant Customs strive to fetter Love,
Whose Nature is to rove:
When fancys glutted, Birds fresh mates may choose,
Yet none are sham'd, divorc'd, or wealthy Joyntures loose.
V.
Ʋrge Constancy no more, those feeble tyes
Availe not to the Wise,
Who would a Costly Vessell rig or trim
Never to let her Swim.
My Inclination bids me wildly range,
And love in every Port, to barter and exchange.

A Sea SONG. Made by an Unknown Person.

ONe hand up a loft
Swab the Coach for and aft
For the Punch Councell strait will be fitting,
For fear the Ship rowle
Sling up a full Bowle
For their Honours let all things be sitting,
In an Ocean of Punch to Night we'le all Sayle
In a Bowle, whereof Sea room we never can faile.
Chorus. With full double Cups, we'le liquour our Chops
And then trim the Sayls with a hoe up hoe,
But we'le drink e're we goe, we'le drink e're we goe.
The Winds veereing aft
Then loose e'ry Sayle
She'le bear all her Top-sayles a trip,
Heave the Log from the Poop
It blows a fresh gale,
And a just Account on the board keep,
She runs you Eight knots, that's Eight cups to my thinking,
That's a cup for each knot should be fild for our drinking.
Here Messe Mate. Thanks Skipper.
'tis a Health to the King.
While the Starrboard watch drinks, let the Larrboard watch Sing.
Heres to thee Peter. Thanks honest Jo.
About let it go.
In our Bowle still a calm is how e're the Winds Blow.
The Quarteere must cun
While the fore mast man steers,
Each health to the Port where tis bound,
Who belayes 'till tis a Brimmer
Is drub'd at the Geeres
And the Health of each we must sound.
To our Noble Commander his honour and health,
Let him drown and be dam'd refuses the health.
What news on the Deck hoe
It blows a meer Storm
She lyes a try under the Missen,
Why what if she do
Will it be any harm
If one Bumper more does us all reason.
The Bowle must be freed boys, in spite of the weather,
Yea, yea,— huzah, let us all haule together.
Chorus. With full &c.

EPILOGUE,

WHat diffring designes we Women lay
She to avoid, and I to snap the Prey:
Virtue, and Fortune, makes her Luster great:
Raising that Value, I but counterfeit:
We hold our Sexes Charter by deceipt,
The Pious seeming Saint proves oft a Cheat:
Why should you grutch, if an old battred Lover
Pass for a Maid, in a fresh guilded cover?
For what e're trips she makes, she ne're miscarrys,
But proves a perfect Virgin when she marrys,
Our Fop by seeming Innocence is caught,
Few Eagle eyes, discern so nice a fault,
And while his roughness Ravishes a kiss,
We seem transported at the unknown Bliss.
Methinks I hear Pride and ill nature Cry
Why is sin blest, and scandall rais'd so high
Out brass'ning Beauty Birth and Quality:
How many wandring Rovers, chance does fix,
From humble Pattens rais'd to Coach and Six.
Faith 'tis not worth your thoughts, for as some say
The world is but a Stage, our life a Play:
Why should We be astonisht at the matter
If Strowling Miss mounts on our Proud Theatre.
Now we should Court your favour to our Play,
And Pardon for our Authours first Essay,
Hopeing this Rugged Bench wont prove severe
To his first fault, let him for once go Cleer:
In doubtfull durance Pensive he remains,
Till your good pleasure shall strike of his Chains:
And Sir's if this a maiden session proves,
Let us alone to fit you all with Gloves.
The End.

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