THE English Rogue Continued in the Life Of Meriton Latroon, AND OTHER EXTRAVAGANTS: Comprehending the Most Eminent Cheats OF Most Trades and Professions.

The Second Part.

Licensed Feb. 22. 1668.

LONDON, Printed for Francis Kirkman, and are to be Sold by William Rands in Duck-lane, 1680.

  • A. an East India Iunck.
  • B. an Indian House Flatt and Terrasod on the Top.
  • C. an Indian Coach drawne with Oxen.
  • D. an Indian Waggon drawne with Oxen.
  • E. Persee Buriall place.
  • F. Banians Washing.
  • G. Banians Worship under greene trees.
  • H. the Banians Marriages.
  • I. the Banians Burialls.

THE English Rogue; Continued in the Life of MERITON LATROON And other EXTRAVAGANTS Part II.

He discourses the manner of Government, of the In­habitants of the East-Indies; a small Voyage by Sea, where he is in danger by a Tempest, and a Malabar Man of War, but escapes both; he makes some ram­bles into the Country, and returning home has some reflections on his fore-passed life.

I Was now arrived at the Meridian of my age, and enjoyed such a plenty of every thing, that I soon forgot the many miseries I had lately suffered, since my banishment from England. I governed my Family with a most absolute command, and [Page 2] received a willing obedience aswell from my Wife, as all our Servants, and during the stay of our English Ships, I gained very mu [...]h by entertaining my Coun­try-men with necessaries. I kept so punctual a corres­pondence with the Banian Merchants, that I could command any thing; and by their means found the way of Trading, by which I considerably enriched my self so that at the departure of the English Fleet, I haveing cast up an account of my Estate, found that I had gained above 2000 Rupees, (which being the Coun­try money, and worth about 2 s. a piece, amounted to 200 l.) also I had a good parcel of Diamonds, be­sides those I had cheated the Banian of at my first arri­val; several other Commodities I had by me, which (with my Housholdstuff which was considerable) did in all amount to a great value. The Fleet being depar­ted, the chief of our Trading ceased, and now it was vacation time▪ and I (hating idleness, and somewhat weary of my Wives company) being desirous of No­velty, set out to view the Country: to which end tak­ing money with me, and all other necessaries, I hired an Indian Coach, which is a kind of a Chariot with two wheels, and will hold about four persons; this Coach was drawn with two Oxen, who will travel a­bout thirty miles a day: my charge was not much for about eighteen pence a day paid my Coach-man, and kept his Cattel. Thus did I ramble about the Coun­try, visiting other of my acquaintance, where I had a full enjoyment of every thing the Country afforded: for we had notonly the Country drink called Toddee which is made of the juyce of several Trees, and Pun­ch vvhich is made of Rack-lime, or lime-vva [...]er, Su­gar, Spice [...] and sometimes the addition of Amber­greese, but vve likevvi [...]e drank great quantities of Per­sian [Page 3] Wine, vvhich is much like Claret, and brought from that Country in Bottles. These vvere our drinks vvher­of vve drank plentifully, and oftentimes to excess; our meat vvas chiefly Rice, vvith Beans, and Turkeys Beef and Mutton, and sometimes Veal and Lamb; this was my ordinary diet, but the Banians eat no flesh accounting it criminal, it being contrary to their Re­ligion to kill any thing; the chiefest exercise we had was playing at Nine-pins, a game I was well acquain­ted vvith in England and therefore could vvell enough deal vvith the Natives, though they vvere expert there in. Though I pleased my self in these things yet there vvas still vvanti [...]g the only thing which had alvvayes made my life pleasant to me, and that vvas the com­pany of Women▪ for without their pleasing society in a full enjoyment I reckoned I had nothing, and ther­fore upon eve [...]y turn found them out; but I must now be contented vvith the Natives, vvho although they are not so fair as the vvomen of our European Coun­tries, yet they may pass vvell enough, for their com­plexions are commonly of a tavvny bievv but they are richly adorned vvith pearl and other Jevvels speak of those vvho vvere Mercenary. There is no Tovvn but hath tvvo or th [...]ee of these Brothel houses, vvhich were allovved of; neither vvas it any disgrace to be seen [...]herein the handsomest vvomen are here: the Matron of the house is furnished vvith several, who she purchases sometimes of their own Parents, who sell them, not accounting it an injury to d [...]spose them to this purpose. These old Bavvds are as cuning as those of our Country, for they will sell a Maiden-headtwo or three times over for which they will some times have twenty or thirty Rupees, according to the [Page 4] goodness of the Comodity, and good will of the pur­chaser, who shall enjoy his bargain for 2 or 3 days or nights together either at their lodgings, or at home at their own houses; neither do their wives dare to contradict their Husbands therein, for they will oftentimes bring home one of these Lasses, and lodge them in a Cot in the same Room with their Wives, and lye with them as often as they please, and when they have done with them send them home again.

I try [...]d several of these Bona Roba [...]s, who pleased me very well for what they wanted in beauty they sup­plyed in respect and willingness to comply with and plea [...]e me in all my desires; and though many times they have the Pox, by reason of their heat & activity yet they value it not for they are so well acquainted and furnished with remedies: that they soon cure themselves, and the men who accompany them: my ramble being finished I returned home, and though my Wife knew I had been at several of the [...]e Brothels yet I was joyfully received and welcomed by her. We keeping a publick house, had all sorts of guests, and now being at leisure I di [...]coursed with several of the Brammanes who are their Priests, who informed me not only of the Civil but Ecclesiastical Govern­ment of the Nation for though I supposed them Hea­thens, yet I found that they followed a rule in their livings to which they strictly ty'd themselves: They in general gave me this account, that they are gover­ned by a K [...]ngly Monarch, who is called the Great Mogul he is absolute in his Dominions, and all his subjects are his slaves; all the Land and Houses throughout his Dominions are his own, and the In­habitants or occupiers are only his Tenants, and pay a valua [...]le rent for what they enjoy, which is [...]nually collected by Officers to that purpose ap­pointed [Page 5] and paid into his Exchequer this he bestows at his own pleasure, or spends in making War with his Enemies, who are chiefly the Tartars, and sometimes the Persians; they have frequently civil Wars amongst themselves upon the death of their Prince, if he leaves more Sons then one behind him; for he who lastruled, & was Father of this present Mo­gul, made his way to the Empire by the death of 11 of his Brethren he himself being the youngest when he dyed, which is not long since; 3 of his Sons survi­ved him, who all immediately raised great Armies ei­ther to gain the Empire, or lose their lives in general.

The 2 youngest having assembled all their well-wil­lers and friends, with considerable Armies approach­ed one another, a River now only parting them

The eldest of the two dispatched a Messenger to his Brother, t [...] tell him that he was very well satisfied in his taking Arms and since he was in such readiness if he plea [...]ed he would joyn forces with him, and as­sault their elder Brother, who being vanquisht they would divide the Government. The youngest [...]ro­ther willingly assenting to these propositions, came over to him, but no sooner was he in his power, but he caused both his eyes to be put out, (thereby disen­abling him from the Gove [...]nment) and soon gaining the Captains of his Brothers Army to his party, he joyned Forces, & causing his blind Brother to be car­ried with him, advanced to meet and oppose his elder Brother, in short time they met, & fought each other with various success, but in fine he conquered his Brother▪ & depriving him of life, as the other of sight he now remains sole Monarch of this large Empire.

The old Mogul died infinitely rich, for he left eight Tancks of coyned Mony, each Tanck esteemed to hold ten millions of Rupees; and indeed it is [Page 6] no great marvel, for he hath some of his Subjects, es­pecially the Banian Merchants, that are very rich all whose treasure he will command at his own will there is one Banian whose name is Vergore, who was the chiefest Merchant of his Tribe, and hath most of the Stocks of his fellows in his hand, to him the Great Mogul sent for money to which message he sent this answer, That he would presently furnish his High­ness with a Hundred Carts loaden with ready mo­ney. The Mogul hearing this, ordered him [...]o keep it till he sent again, or had further occasion The English have great priviledges, for they pay less Duties and Customes than the Natives, for the Banian Mer­chants will sometimes hire an English man to go to Sea with them in their Juncks, which are great Barks not to do any service in the voyage, but only to own the goods, that they may save several Taxes and Du­ties thatelse must be paid, as Anchorage and Moorage I one time was asked by a Banian of my acquaintance whether I would go to Sea with him, and he would give me a considerable recompence, he told me that I should only wear my hat eat my victuals and when we came to our port own the Goods; being desirous of seeing fashions I consented▪ and our Junck being loaden we set sail and departed: but never was I acom­panied with such Sailers, for the Junck (which is much like a close Lighter) was deeply loaden with [...]alli [...]oes it carried above 1000 Tun; the wind being fair, all the tackling was nailed down and fastned, so that when we had been four dayes at Sea, the wind contrary to custome changed, but though it began to be tempestuous yet all our men being then at dinner there was none would leave their eating to handle the sails or alter the tackling, dinner being ended, I per­swaded [Page 7] them with much adoe to go to workbut it was some hours ere they had loosned their tackling so as to lower their sails, and by that time we were driven out of knowledge; the winds there are usually so con­stant, that they never make provisions to handle their sails, and alter them, but commonly as they fix them at their fetting out, so they continue till they come to their Port, where instead of an Anchor they carry a very great stone, fastned by an iron ring to their Cab­le, which they let down while they stay, but take up when they go away; and then they alter their sails, fitting them to the wind to bring them back; they con­tinue in that manner to the end of the Voyage. But now it falling out otherwise, great was their trouble, not knowinghow to behave themselves: and although there was forty men on board, and they all well enou­gh acquainted with Navigation in those parts, yet I that was but of one years standing was their be [...]t in­structor, or else we had been lost and perished; most of our sails being now taken down, and the wind ceasing we by the next day came into our knowledge, but met with another misfortune, which was like to prove worse then the former, [...]or we discovered a Junck though nothing near so big as ours, yet better man'd and was indeed a Malabar Man of War, and our pro­fessed Enemy, who are used to infest those Seas with their Pyracies; our Seamen being sensible of the des­perateness of ou [...] condition▪ were greatly dismayed but I (who was formerly used to be dead hearted enough) did now become Valerous, and encouraged them by words and Actions, for considering the badness of my condition being likely not only to [...]ose what Estate I had lately gathered, but at least wise my liberty, and it may be my life, (for many [Page 8] of these Malabars do kill & feed on their Prisoners) these considerations I say possessed me with so much courage, that I was resolved to try my utmost power to defend my self from my Enemies; we were by chance accompanied by ten Moors called Rashpoots, who being always brought up in Wars, never go unarmed; these persons being more coura­gious then the rest, by my example, put themselves into a posture of defence, and the other Seamen had Swords and other weapons put into their hands, to keep the Enemy from boarding us: we had eight great Guns in our Junck, which were carried more for ornament then use, for they knew not how to dis­charge them against an Enemy to advantage (they being a well as their tackling and sails, fixed to one place) only served to be shot off in triumph, and make a noise, but would not be well levelled to car­ry a Bullet to do execution. I seeing this inconveni­ence, took such order therein that the Guns were placed so as to dammage our Enemy, who now ap­proaching us, came close up towards us, but he found a hotter entertainment then he expected, for we killed several of his men with our [...]irst broad side; the only weapons our Enemies had were great stones which they threw at us in abundance; but we having again charged our great Guns, and all the small ones we had aboard, gave them such a peal as was the funeral knel to many of them; by this time they were discouraged, and our men seeing the good success we had came all in sight and every one ta­king a great stone, which had been thrown to us by the Enemy, gave them such an onset with the stones as now made them to think of giving over their en­terprize, which we compelled them to do, so soon [Page 9] as we had given them another broad-side, and once more discharged all our small guns▪ thi [...] gave them so generall a blow that they Vered about and let us to prosecute our Voyage. Our Enemies being gone, I called all our men together to see what damage we had sustained, and upon enquiry found that we had n [...]t lost a man: but about half a dozen broken heads and faces was all the harm we had received.

I was generally applauded for my courage, and the chief owner of the Goods not only rendred me infinite thanks, but promised me a great reward, which was Justly paid me at the end of our Voyage: I told them that I much wondred at the manner of o [...]r Enemies fight but I received this answer, that they seldome used any other Weapons t [...]en stones, which they carried in great plenty, trusting to them and their great numbers, for the Bark that set upon us had above a hundred men in her, and would have certainly taken us, had I not made so good a fight with our Guns which was a thing unusual for them to meet with not suspecting that we could make any use of them, otherwise then to shoot up­right as was usual, but they found the contrary to their cost: for I suppose we had the good fortune to kill [...]everal of them which so disheartned them, that they left us as I told you: and thus we meeting with no more ob [...]truction, in two moneths time fini­shed our Voyage, and returned home, where I received 500 Rupees as a recompence for my good service.

I was joyfully received at home by my Wife and acquired a very good esteem of all by t [...]is my vale­rous exploit, and had many advantageous offers to go again on the same account; but I valuing my pleasure more then profit, which was hazardous [Page 10] declined the propo [...]itions, and now rested my self at home only making some excursions to visit the best of my friends who failed not to welcome me, the honestest Women to whom I made my self welcome sometimes. I travelled to the adjacent Towns where I visited the pleasant Gardens, and other times I went further to the Cities which being well built with brick, had pleasant Platformes or Terrets on the top; many of the Cities were Walled and forti­fyed with Castles for their defence: I seldome went without a couple of attendants which are called Puisn's who were my daily servants▪ these were a sort of Banians who served me for four shillings a month a peice, and out of that found themselves diet, unless they travelled far from home, and then I allowed each of them all out three half pence a peice per day to buy them victuals and drink, which was only Cutkeree Butters Toddee with which they vvere very well satisfied, neither indeed doth the Consul give much more to his serviters, for his chief Puisn hath but twelve shillings per month; and out of that he keeps a horse and a servant to attend him. They are very dilligent and faithf [...]l in what they are intrusted with, but so soon as they perceive a new Moon they tell their master of it that they may pay them their wages.

Having now satisfied my curiosity in these tra­vels, and being returned home I began to consider with my self my fore passed life: then it was I did run over those several accidents that had formerly befallen me.

A [...] first how I committed Rogueries, when but a boy and ran away from my Mother (of whom I had never since so much as heard or enquired) I had some reflections thereupon and what my Mother [Page 11] might Judge was become of me: then did I call to mind the Rogueries I committed, when among the Gypsies and Beggars, and how with them I first tryed and tasted the pleasure of a Female Companion, from that my apprentiship and the several adven­tures I had, and pleasant nights lodgings I enjoyed not only with the Maid but the Mistress: how after the Maid whom I had gotten with child was deliver­ed, I dispatcht her and child to Virginia, and soon af­ter by mine and my Mistresses extravagancies sent my Master first to Prison, and so out of the world my Mistress her self not long surviving him: being then a freeman I married, but was justly enough fitted for my disloyalty by my wives incontinency which with my own prodigality soon consumed me, enfor­cing me to leave England for Ireland, which being my first great remove, I seriously reflected on, not knowing where I should end my days, I being now far distant from the place of my Nativity but I be­thinking my self that my only livelyhood depended there in my vital strength, not that I was exposed to carry burdens or labour in the day time, but in the night in Venerial combats, where I received equal pleasure: and indeed I having run through the whole course of my life, found that by the favourable a [...]d goood opinion of women (which was not undeser­ved) I had not only preserved my self, but many times raised my self a sufficient fortune: as I had late­ly done by Marrying with my Moerish Wife, in which present condition I concluded my self much better then when I was in Ireland tyed to my old woman, who only paid me and gave me mony accor­ding to the service I did her, and was then again old and peevish, and above all things very jealous; whereas now I was my own pay-master, and though [Page 12] my bed-fellow was not fair, yet she was young and pleasant and so far from jealousie, that she her self sometimes would procure me a you [...]g girl, the fair­est in the country to lye with me, and she also lying by me, and taking much pleasure therein.

Then did I proceed in the thoughts of my former life, and considered the many dangers I under went all the time I followed my Padding employment▪ and though I then u [...]ually wore money enough in my Pocket, and sometimes met with some female adventures, as the Farmers Daughter, the Poetick Widdow, and my Female Robbers and others in whose converse I took much pleasure, yet I [...]as in all these pleasures still accompanied with fear of being snapt, as indeed I was at last and likely to be trus't up: but that my penitence wrought so upon my friends as to procure my sentence of death, to be altred into that of banishment: which had through many miseries and cross adventures brought me hither, where I received the full enjoyment of all things: this consideration took me up much t [...]me, and possessed me with some virtuous thoughts, be­lieving that I had not been preserved and reserved from so many hazards but for some good end, and now I had a fair opportunity of declining Vice, and living vertuously, I not being likely to be expo [...]ed to any such Rogui [...]h shifts or courses as formerly, these thoughts of Vertue made way for those of Religion, and now it was that I seriously considered of that Word in genes al, and being ( [...]hough little practised in) yet well enough acquainted with t [...]e Chr [...]stian Religion, I wondred at the a [...]surdity of t [...]e Religion of other Nations, especially of the Cou [...]t [...]y wherein I now lived, and having been curious in enquiry of the grounds thereof, I had received a good-ac­count, [Page 13] though little satisfaction; but since it is a No­velty, and may well enough [...]uit with the following discourse which will consist of several and variety of Knaveries and Cheatings, whereof I suppose this of this Countries Religion m [...]y very well bear a part: I shall give you a sho [...]t account thereof in this fol­lowing Chapter.


The Original Religion and Worship of the Banians Persees, with all their Casts and Tribes.

THis large part of the World which is governed by the Great Mogul, is inhabited by these three sort of People, Banians, Moor-men or Rash­poots, and Persees: the several Religions or Wor­ships of the first and last, viz. the Banians and Per­sees, I shall here give you an account of: but for the Moors or Rashpoots, they have little esteem [...]or any Religion in particular, and being [...]or the most part Souldiers, are of the Great Moguls Religion, which is partly Mahometan: I shall therefore begin with the Banians, who believe in one God, & that he crea­ted the World out of nothing, & that after this man­ner: first he having the 4 Elements of Air, Earth, Fire & water for a ground-work, by some great cane [Page 14] or such like instruments: blew upon the Waters which arose into a bubble of a round form like an Egg, which spreading it self made the firmament so clear and transparent, which now compasseth the world about, after this there remaining true liquid substance in the earth, God made of both these to­gether a thing round like a ball, which is called the lower World the more solid part became earth, the liquid Sea, both which making one Glob: he by a great noise or huming sound placed them in the midst of the firmament, there he created the Sun and Moon to distinguish times and seasons, and the four ele­ments which were before mixed,, were now separa­ted and assigned to their several places, and dischar­ged their several officies the Air filled up the empty parts, the fire nourished with heat, the earth and sea brought forth their living creatures, and then was the World created, and as it had its beginning from four Elements, so it was measured by four points: As East, West, North and South, and was to be con­tinued for four Ages, to be peopled by four Casts or sorts of men who were to be married to four sort of women appointed for them. The world being made, man was likewise made out of the earth, God putting into him life, and he Worshipping his Creator▪ wo­man was like-wise made and given to him as a com­panion, the first mans name was Poucous and the wo­mans name was Parcontee, and they lived together as man and wife, feeding on the fruits of the earth, not destroying any living Creature.

These two had four sons called Brammon, Cuttery, Shaddery and Wyse, who were of different and di­stinct nature from each other, for Brammon was of an earthly constitution, and therefore Melancholly: Gutte [...]y fiery, and therefore Martial: Shaddery Flog­matic, [Page 15] and therefore peaceable: Wyse airey, and therefore full of contrivances and inventions, Bram­mon being melancholly and ingenious, God gave him knowledge and appointed him to impart his laws, and therefore gave him a book conteining the form of Divine Worship and Religion; Cuttery being Martial had power to Govern Kingdoms and there­fore had a sword given him. Shaddery being mild and conversable, it was thought fit that be should be a Merchant and Tr [...]ffick, and therefore had a pair of ballances and a bag of waits hung at his Girdle: and Wyse being aiery, was appointed for a Mechanick or handicrafts man, and therefore had a bag of seve­ral sorts of tools.

These were the first men and these their qualities (according to the Banian tradition) that peopled the earth, Poucous and Parcontee had no daughters because the sons should go else where to find them Wives which were made for them, and p [...]aced at the four winds, the four sons being grown up to mans estate were commanded to travel. And,

Frst Bramon with his Book in his hand took his journey towards the rising of the Sun in the East; for the place where they were born, and their Pa­rents created, was in the Middle or Navel of the World, the Sun at Noon-day casting no shaddow. Brammon taking his journey, as is said, towards the East, arrived at a goodly Mountain, before which was a Valley through which there passed a Brook; in the descent of which there appeared a Woman a drinking. This Woman was of black hair, yellow complexion, of an indifferent size, and a modest as­pect, and indeed in every thing made, as if made for her beholder; who being naked▪ and seeing her to be so too, was more bashful than the Woman who [Page 16] make silence, by questioning the cause of his com­ing thither.

Brammon hearing her speak, an [...] that in his own Language, thus reply'd, That the great God who made all things had sent him thither: The Woman seeing his Book, asked the use of it; whereupon he open­ing it, shewed her the Contents thereof▪ and after some other di [...]course she consented to be married to him, acording to the form prescribed in that book, which being d [...]ne, they lay together, and had many children who peopled the East part of the world: this womans name was Savatree:

Cuttery the 2d Brother, was sent upon the same account to the West part of the world and taking his sword in his hand, he advanced on his journey, but not meeting with any adventure or occasion to make use thereof, he was much troubled; desiring, above all things, that he might meet with some people whereon he might exercise his courage: thus impatiently did he proceed on his journey, till he arrived near a high Mountain, where he might behould a Personage who was walking with a Mar­tial pace, and coming nearer, found to be a Woman armed with a weapon call'd a Chuckery: They were no sooner met, but they encountred, and set upon one another, but though he expected a sudden con­quest, yet was he deceived therein, for his adversa­ry held him in play all that day, till night parted them. The next day also they wholly spent in fight; he gained no advanrage over his female enemy, on­ly at the cloze of the day, he had the fortune to cut her weapon in two, but the night coming on, she escaped from him without any further damage.

The next day she was provided vvith Bovv and A [...]rovvs, and then had a great advantage over them [Page 17] because she could wound him at a distance, and he could not hurt her without a close fight; he being sensible of this odds clozed with her, & by main strength threw her down holding her by the hair of the head; when having a perfect view of her beauty, instead of an enemy, he became a lover of his beautiful object; and that he might gain her affections, he threw by his weapons and applyed himself to her in fair spee­ches, to whi [...]h she was attentive, and he at length became so prevalent, that they at present plighted troths to one another, and of enemies; not only at that instant became friends; but in short time after li­ving together, and Nature dictating to them what must be done for the procreation of the like, they tasted the fruit of Loves garden, and had many chil­dren, who peopled the West part of the World; this Womans name was Toddicastree.

Chuddery the 3d. Son, who was the Merchant-man was sent to the North with his ballance and weights, and he after much travel happened on a place where he found Pearls, and a Rock or mine of Diamonds, and believing them (by reason of their great lustre in the dark) of some extraordinary value, took some of them with him, and special notice of the place, that he might find it again; and so proceed­ing on his journey, came to the place where was the Woman that was to be his Wife, who was wan­dring by the si [...]e of a wood; she, seeing him, be­came fearful; but he coming to her, and giving her good words, won upon her to stay and receive him into her company; and after an account of his jour­ney, which she concluded was purposely designed to her, because they understood one anothers speech, he bestowed some of his Pearls and Diamonds upon her; in time they proving the comforts of the con­joyned [Page 18] joyned state, had several children, who peopled the North part of the World, and became Merchant­mn: he afterwards travelling with them, shewed them the rock of Diamonds; this Womans name was Visagundah.

Wyse, the 4th. and youngest of the Brethren, wen also to the South parts of the World, and carried his tools with him, whereby he was able to build a house, or per [...]orm any other piece of work needful for the use of man; he was forced to pass over seven Seas, at each place making a Vessel and leaving it behind him: the last Sea was called Pashurbate [...], and brought him to a Land called Derpe, where he built him a house to live in, which he did with much con­tent, till the Woman appointed for him came thither to behold the same: She was very amiable and wh [...]te; and her hair was powdred with Saunders and o [...]her Odours: She first spake to him, demanding how he came thither; He answered her, that the Al­mighty had sent him and had taken great pains by coming over seven Seas to wait on her. She was dis­pleased with his discourse and house telling him that she needed him not; and notwithstanding all his per­swasions, left him: he after wards met her walking in the Woods; but could not prevail with her to continue with him; but left him much troubled. Af­ter this▪ he being in a profound melancholly, walk­ing abroad, came too parcel of trees, under which he placed himself and there prayed to his Creator, that he might not lose his labour, in coming so far to [...]ind a Woman that would not converse with him: To this Prayer he had answer, that his reque [...]t should be granted, on cond [...]tion tha [...] for the future he would erect Images, and adore, and worship them under green [...]ees: To this he consented, and at the next meeting [Page 19] he gained the good will of this Woman who was named Ie [...]unnogundah, so that she became his wife by whom he had several children that peopled the South.

These Four Brethren being thus dispersed at the 4 several parts of the earth, and having peopled the same, were all desirous of returning to their own Country from whence they came; to see their Father and Mother, and recount their several adven­tures to them, and to that end, leaving their children behind, they and their Wives travelled so long▪ till they came to the place; where they were first joy­fully received of their Parents, and then of each other [...]there they likewise had several other children, begetting several generations, that all the World might be instructed in their several qualities by Bra­mo [...] in matters of Religion, by Cuttery in Rule and Governments, by Shuddery in Traffick and Merchan­dize, and by Wyse in matters of Handicrafts; of which four Casts the world consisteth, every one of them living in his several quality, keeping his tribe free from confusion or interfering; and thus the World was peopled: but in time, multitude begat differen [...]e and disorder, and mischief, and every Person disagreed with the other, every one produ­cing new and various differences, as well in matters of Religion and Worship, as in all other affairs, when the Almighty for the wickedness of mankind sent a flood which came and destroyed all the Creatures of the earth; and this according to the tradition of the Banians, was the first Age of the World.

This world of Creatures being destroyed, others were made in this manner: The Almighty first made out of the earth these three Creatures, Breman Visteny [...] [Page 20] to Breman he gave the power of making Creatures because say the Banians, as great persons do not their work but by Deputies, so neither was it fit that God should be [...]ervile to his Creatures, but give to them their being by his Instruments To the second▪ which was Vistney, he gave charge to preserve the creatures But to the third, which was [...]udde [...]y, he gave power to destroy them, because he knew they would be wicked, and deserve Judgements. Breman was to be taken up to Heaven in conclusion of the second age. Vistney was to live as long aga [...]n as Breman and Rud­dery was to continue three times as long, and then he should destroy all the world, which should be the great day of Judgement.

Breman according to the power given him, produ­ced Man and Woman out of his own bowels, who be­ing instructed by him gave worship to God, and re­verence to him: the Man was by him named Mamaw, and the Woman Ceterrupa they were ent to the East and there they had three sons and three daughters, who were sent severally to the West, North and South, which were peopled by them: thus man being made by Breman, Vistney provided things necessary for them, and Ruddery dispersed afflictions sicknesses and death, as Men did deserve them.

It was now necessary say the Banians, that the Law should be given according to which t [...]ey should live; and therefore Breman being called up into a Mountain the Almighty gave him out of a cloud a book, which the Banians call the Shaster, wherein was written their Laws; this book consisted of three Tracts.

The first, whereof contained their Moral Law, and an Explication or Appropriation of the precepts to every several Tribe and Cast.

[Page 21]The second, was their Ceremonial Law.

The third, distinguished them into Casts or Tribes with peculiar observations for each Cast and T [...]ibe.

The first Tract of the moral Law contained eight commandements

  • 1. That they should kill no living Creature, be­cause like Man it [...]ad a soul.
  • 2. That they should make a Covenant with their five sences: the Eyes not to see evil tkings, the Ears not to hear evil things, the Tongue not to speak evil, the Pallat not to tast, as wine or flesh, the hands not to touch any thing defiled.
  • 3. That they should duly observe the times of de­votion in washing, worship, &c.
  • 4, That they should not tell false tales to deceive.
  • 5. That they should be charitable to the poar.
  • 6. That they should not oppress their poor bre­thren.
  • 7. That they should celebrate certain Festivals, not pampering the body, but fa [...]ting and watching, to be fitter for devotion.
  • 8. That they should not steal, though never so little.

These eight are bestowed among the four Tribes or Casts, to each two Commandements: to the Bram­manes, which are the Priests, the first & second, as be­ing strictest in Religion. To Shuddery they appro­priate the third and fourth, as most proper to them. To Cuttery the fifth and sixth▪ and to Wys [...] the seventh and eighth: they are all enjoyned to keep all the Commandements; but more particularly those tha [...] [...]re appropriated to their several Casts.

The second Tract of the book delivered to Bre­ [...]an comprized certain ceremonial injunctions which [...]re these.

[Page 22]First washing their bodies in Rivers, in memory of the deluge, in which they use this Ceremony: first they besmear their bodies in the mud of the River, as an Emblem of mans filthiness; and then coming into the water & turning their faces towards the Sun the Bramman prayes, that as the body which is foul as the mud of the River which is cleansed by the wa­ter, so that his sin may be in like manner cleansed; and then the party plunging himself three times in the River, and shaking in his hand some grains of Rice as an offering on the water: he receiveth abso­lution for his sins past, and is dismissed.

2. The ceremony of anointing the fore head with red painting, as a peculiar mark which they often renew.

3. They are enjoyned to tender certain prayers and offerings under green trees, the original of which custom they derive from Wyse, to whom they say God appeared in a vision under a tree; the tree par­ticularly appropriated for this Worship▪ is called Fi [...]u Indica, as vide. Sr. W. Rawleigh, for which tree they have a great esteem.

4. They are enjoyned prayers in their Temples, where they offer to Images with ringing and loud tinckling of bells and such like impertinent, services.

5. They are enjoyned Pilgrimage to rivers re­mote▪ as [...]a [...]g [...]s, where they throw in as, offerings, Jewels, and Treasure of great value.

6. They use Invocation of Saints, and for all their affairs they have several Saints they invoke for as­sistance.

7. There law binds them to give worship to God upon sight of any of his Creatures first seen after Sun rise, especially to the Sun and Moon, which they call the two eyes of God, as al [...]o to some Beasts.

[Page 23]8. In baptizing children, there is difference in the Casts, for the Brammanes are extraordinary: the rest of the children are only washt in water, with a short prayer, that God would write good things in the front of the child, all present saying Amen. They name the child, putting a red oyntment on the midst of his forehead, and the ceremony is done. But the children of the Cast of the Brammanes are not only washed with water, but anointed with oyl with these words: Oh Lord we present unto thee this child, born of a holy Tribe, anointed with oyl, and cleansed with water; unto which they add other ceremonies, then they enquire the exact time of the childs birth, and calculate his Nativity, which they keep by them and give them at the day of their marriage.

9. As for their marriages, their time is different from other Nations, for they marry at 7 years of age, they are usually contracted by their Parents; which being agreed on they send presents, and use many triumphant preambulations about the town for two dayes; and then at the going down of the Sun they use this ceremony. A fire is made and inter­posed between the young couple, to imitate the ar­dency of their affections; then there is a silken string that encloses both their bodies, to witness the in­solveable bond of wedlock; after this bond, there is a cloth interposed betwixt them, a custom taken from the meeting of Brammon and Savatre, who covered themselves till the words of Matrimony were utter­ed, so the Brammanes pronouncing certain words, enjoyning the man to provide for the woman, and her to loyalty and pronouncing the blessing of a fruitful issue the speech is concluded; the cloth in­terposed, is taken away; the bond which ingirted them unloosed; full freedom is given them to com­municate [Page 24] with one another; they give no dowry, only the Jewels worn on the Bridal day; none come to the feast, but those of the same Tribe or Cast: no Woman is admitted to second marriage; except the Tribe of Wyse; which are the handicraf [...]s Men in all Tribes may marry twice except the Bramanes e­very Tribe marries in their own Casts, and the Tribe of the Wyse not only marry in their own Tribe, but in their own trade: as a Barber or Smiths son must marry a Barber or Smiths daughter of the same Tribe.

10. Which is the last, is the cerimony of their buri­als, when any is sick to death▪ they enjoyn him to ut­ter Narrane ▪ which is one of the names of God im­porting mercy to sinners; they pour fair water into his hand, praying to Kistnetuppon, the God of the water, to present him pure to God, he being dead, his body is washed, & after buried in this manner, They carry the body to a rivers side & being set down, the Brammane uttereth these words. Oh earth! we com­mend unto thee this our brother, whilst he lived thou hadst an inte [...]est in him, of the earth he was made, by the blessing of the earth he was fed, and therefore now he is dead, we surrender him to thee: after this put­ting combustible matter to the body, lighted by the help of sweet Oyl, the Brammane saith, Oh fire, whilst he lived then hadst a claim in him, by whose na­tural heat he subsisted, we return therefore his body to thee that thou shouldst purge it. Then the son of the deceased set two pots, one with water, and the other with milk on the ground the pot o [...] milk on the top of the other and with a stone breaks the pot of water whereby the water and milk are both spoiled; upon which account the son thus moralizeth, That as the stone makes the Vessels yeild, so did sickness ruin his [Page 25] Fathers body, which is then burnt to ashes, which are thrown into the Air, the Brammane uttering these words, Oh air, whilst he lived by thee he breathed, and now having breathed his last, we yeild him to thee. The ashes falling on the water, the Brammane saith, Oh wate [...], whilst he lived, thy moysture did sustain him, a [...]d now his body is dispersed, take thy part in him. This being done, the Brammane reads (to the Son or near­est of kin to the deceased) the law of mourners, That for ten days he must eat no beetle, nor oyl his head, nor put on clean cloaths, but once a month make a feast, and visit the River whose water drank up his Fathers ashes. Besides this, there was a custom which is brought in­to a Law, for the wives of the deceased to accompany their Husbands in death, by burning themselves with his body; & this is still used among persons of great­est worth, the Women voluntary exposing their bo­dies to the flames. And this is the sum of the second Tract of the book delivered to Breman.

The third Tract consisteth of their being dis [...]in­guished into Casts and Tribes, with peculiar obser­vations for e [...]ch. The Brammanes being first, have their name either of Brammon, who was the first of that Tribe; or else from Breman, who was the first of the second Age to whom the Law was delivered, of which there are two sorts, the common, and the more special; the common Brammane hath eighty two Casts or Tribes, which are distinguished by the names of the places of their first habitations. These discharge the Ministerial function, in praying and reading their Law to the People, in which they use a kind of minical fantastical gesture, and a singing tone. They are first received into that Order at seven years of age, using the ceremony of washing and shaving their heads, only leaving one lock; they are [Page 26] bound to a Pythagorean silence, and prohibited haulking, spitting or coughing, wearing about there loins a girdle of an Antilopes skin, and another thong of the same about their neck, descending under the left arm: At fourteen years of age they are ad­mitted to be Brammanes; exchanging those leather thongs for four sealing threads that come over the right shoulder, and under the right arm, which they sleep withal, in honour of God and the three Per­sons; they are, enjoyned to keep all things in the Brammanes Law.

The more special sort of Brammanes are of the Cast of the Shuderys or Merchant-man, who for devotion take this condition; He wears a woollen garment of white, reaching down to the middle of the thigh, the rest is naked: his head is always uncovered; they do not shave, but pluck off all the hair from their heads and beards, leaving only one lock.

There are several Casts of these, that live more strictly then the rest; for these never marry, are very moderate in their dyet, and drink nothing but water boiled, that so the vapour, which they suppose to be life, may go out; they sweep away and disperse their dung, lest it should generate worms that may hav [...] life, and be destroyed, they keep an Hospital of lame and maimed flying fowl, which they redeem with a price▪ they have all things common, but place no faith in outward washings, but ra [...]her imbrace a careless and sordid nastine [...]s.

The second Tribe or Cast was Cutteryes, who had their name from Cuttery, the second Son of Ponrous, who having Dominion and Rule committed to him▪ therefore all Souldiers and Kings are said to be of his Tri [...]e.

[Page 27]That particular of Bremans Book that concerned this Cast, contained certain precepts of Goverment and Policy, which being of common import, I chose to omit, and shall only tell you that in their flourish­ing Estate they were the antient Kings of India, espe­cially of that part that is called Guzzarat, and were called by the name of Racab [...], which signifies a King; they are said to have thirty six Tribes, and none were admitted to rule or govern but out of these Tribes. But in time these R [...]cabs were most of them put from the Goverment, and destroyed by the Ma­hometans, who oppressed them, some of them [...]till remain, and are called Rashpoots; which I have before named; some are as yet unconquered, and sometimes fight with and against the great Mogul.

The third Son of Ponrous being called Shuddery, and Merchandizing being appointed him, all Mer­chants therefore are comprized under this Name. The particular of Bremans Book that concerned this Cast, was a Seminary of Religious advertizement, enjoyning them to truths in their words and dealings These are they that are most properly called Banians, which name signifies a harmless People, that will not endure to see a fly, or worm, or any living thing to be injured, and being themselves strucken, bear it pa­tiently without resistance, they are equal in number of their Casts to the Brammanes, and being like to them, do more strictly follow their injunctions. Their form and contract in buying and selling is something notable; for the Broker that beateth the price with him that selleth, looseth his Pamerin that is folded a­bout his wast, and spreading it upon his knee, with hands folded underneath, by their fingers ends the price of pounds, shillings or pence is fixed, as the Chapman is intended to give: The seller in like man­ner [Page 28] intimateth how much he purposes to have; which silent composition their Law enjoyneth.

Lastly, as the Son of Ponrous was called Wyse and was ma [...]ter of merchants or Handicrafts so all Handicrafts are of that Tribe. The directions that were in Bremans book for these, were touching their behaviours in their Callings: The name Wyse signi­fies one that is servile or instrumentary, these People are now commonly called Gentiles, which are of two sorts; first, the purer Gentile, such as dyet them [...]elves as the Banians, not eating flesh, fish or wine, and the impure eat of all sorts, and are commonly H [...]sband­men, and u [...]ually called Coulees. Those of the purer sort have thirty six Ca [...]ts, according to the number of the Trade practised among them, in which they make as few instruments serve for the effecting of di­vers works, as may be; and whatever they do is con­trary to the Christian form of working, for the most part. [...]his is the substance of the third Tract of the Book delivered to Breman ▪ concerning the manner of the four Tribes.

This Book was by Breman communicated to the Brammanes to be published to the People, who did give a [...]solute obedience to these injunctions, but in time, fraud, violence and all manner of wickedness be­ing committed, God grew angry, and acquainted Bre­man that he would destroy the world: who acquain­ted the People herewith but to little purpose for soon after they fell to their wickedness, and God took Breman up into his bosom who had interceeded for mankind: then also Vistney (whose nature and Office it was to p [...]e [...]erve the People) did interceed, but God would not be pacified, but gave charge to Ruddery (whose Office it was to destroy) to cause the bowels of the earth to send out a wind to sweep the Nations [Page 29] as the dust from the face of the earth: this com­mand was accordingly executed, and all people were destroyed, saving a few that God permitted Vis [...]ney to cover with the skirts of his preservation, reserved to propagate mankind in the third Age, and so this Age concluded.

The wickedness and ill government of the Kings and Rulers, being the chief cause of destroying the last age: therefore all those of Cutteries Tribe were all destroyed. Now because it was necessary that there should be some of tha [...] Cast as well as others, wherefore God raised that Tribe again out of the Cast of the Bramanes: the name of him who renewed & raised this Tribe was called Ram, who was a good King and lived piously, but his successors did not so▪ but committed so much wickedness that God again destroyed the world, [...]y the opening of the earth▪ which swallowed up all mankind, [...]ut a few of the four Tribes who were left to new people the world again, and this was the conclusion of the third Age.

At the beginning of t [...]e fourth Age, there was one Kistney, a famous Ruler, and pious King, who won­der [...]ully promoted Religion▪ Vistney was now taken [...]p into Heaven, there being no further need of his preservation, [...]or when this Age is concluded, there shall be a full end of all things. The Brammanes sup­pose this Age shall be longer then any of the rest in the end whereof Ruddery shall be taken [...]p into Hea­ven: these four ages they call by these four names, Curtain, Duauper, Tetrajoo and Ko [...]ee, they hold the manner of these last judgements shall be by fire when all shall be destroyed, and so the four Ages of the world shall be destroyed by the four Elements. And then shall Ruddery carry up the souls of all people to Heaven with him, to rest in Gods bosom, but the bo­dyes [Page] shall all perish: so that they believe not the re­surrection; for they say Heaven being a place that is pure, they hold it cannot be Capable of such gross substances.

This is the sum of the Banians Religion, wherein you find much of fancy and conceit as to make it be so Antient, and the number four to be used so often, as you have heard the meaning of the three Crea­tures, I suppose alludes to the Trinity; but instead of a confirmation and proof of a Trinity, they would make a Quaternity thereof; In the name, I suppose, they (as well as other Nations who differ from us in Religion) had read over our Bible, and supposing that but fictions, were resolved to make a Law of their own, to be somewhat like that of ours; which how they have done you have already heard: I shall now likewise give you a brief account of the Religi­on used by the Persees, and so put an end to this Chapter.

These Persees are a People discended from the an­tient Persians, who lived in much splendor, but wars coming among them, they were dissipated, and the Mah [...]m [...]tans who invaded them, compelled several to leave their antient Religion for that of the Mahome­tan: which they refusing exposed themselves to a voluntary banishment, and therefore carried what of their substanee they could with them: they sought for a new pla [...]e of habitation, and at length found it in this Country, where they now inhabit, being ad­mitted [...]o use their own Religion, but yielding them­selves in subjection to the government of the Nation, and paying homage and t [...]ibute, their Religion be­ing different from the rest of the Inhabitants, I shall thus describe to you.

Th [...] affirm that before any thing was, there was [Page 30] a God, who made the Heavens, and the Earth and all things therein conteined: at six times or labours, and between each labour, [...]e rested five dayes, first, He made the Heavens with their Orbs adorned with great lights and lesser, as the Sun, Moon and Stars, also the Angels whom he placed in their several or­ders, according to their dignities, which place he ordained to be for the habitations of such as should live holy in this life; this being done, he rested five days. Then he made Hell in the lower parts of the world, from which he banished all light and comfort wherein were several Mansions that exce [...]ded each other in dolour, propo [...]tioned for the degrees of Of­fenders; about which time Lucifer the chief of An­gels, with other of his Order▪ conspiring against God, to agin the Sover [...]ignty and command over all; God threw him first from the Orb of his happine [...]s, together with his confederates and complices, damn­ed him to Hell, the [...]lace that was made for Offen­ders and turn'd them from their glorious shapes, in­to shapes black, ugly and deformed, till the end of the world, when all o [...]fenders shall receive punish­ment, this was the second labour, After this God created the earth and waters, making this world like a ball, in that admirable manner that now it is; this was the third labour. The fourth was to make the Trees and Herbs; the fifth was to make Beasts, Fowles and Fishes; and the sixth and last, Man and Woman, whose names were Adamah and Evah and by these the world was propagated in this manner; God, as they affirm, did cause Evah to bring forth two twins every day for a thousand years together, and none dyed Lucifer being malicious, and endeavouring to do mischief, God set certain Supervisors over his crea­tures; Hamull had charge of the Heavens, Acob of [Page 32] the Angels, Foder of the Sun, Moon and Stars, Soreb of the Earth, Josah of the Waters; Sumbolah of the Bea [...]s of the Field, Daloo of the Fish of the Sea, Rocan of the Tree, Cooz of Man and Woman, and Settan and Asud were Guardians of Lucifer and other evil spirits who for all that did some mischief, the [...]ins of men occasioned the destruction of the world by a flood which spared only a few to people the Earth, which was done accordingly; and this is their opinion o [...] the Creation a [...]d first Age. As to their Religion, it was given them by a Law-giver, whose name was Zerto [...]st whose birth was strange, and breeding and visions miraculous; the names of his Father and Mother were Espintaman and Do [...]oo, he was born in China, and great fame going of him when young, the King of that Country endeavoured his destruction, but could not bring it to pas [...], for those who were sent to destroy him had their sinews shrunk he being twelve or thirteen years of age was taken with a great sickness, the King hearing the [...]eof sent Physitians to destroy him; but Zertoost sensible of their practice, re [...]u [...]e [...] their Physick, and fled with his Father and Mother into Persia in his way meeting with Rivers he congeal'd them to ice and so went over: he arri­ved at Persia in the time of the Reign of K. Gustasph it was in that Country that at his request to God he being purified, was carried up into Heaven, where he heard the Almighty speaking as in flames of fire who revealed to him the works of the Creation, and what was to come and gave him Laws for the better government and e [...]tablishment of Religion: Zertoost desired to live always, that he might instruct the wo [...]ld in Religion; but God answered, That if he should live never so long, yet Lucifer would do more [...]a [...]m then he should do good; but if he desired to live [Page 33] long as the World endured he might. God also presen­ted to Zertoo [...] the seven ages o [...] times of the Persian Monarchy; the first was the Golden age, the d [...]ys of Guiomaras; second, the Silver, the days of Fraydhun, third, the Brazen, the days of Kayko­bod, the fourth, the Tin, the days of Lorasph, fifth, Leaden, the days of Bahaman, sixth, the Steel; the days of Darah Segner; the seventh, the Iron Age, in the Reign of Yesdegerd: He finding by this that the times would be worse and worse, desired to live no longer than till he had discharged his Message and then that he might be translated to the same place of glory; so he was reduced to his proper sense, and remained in heaven many days; and then having received the Book of the Law, and the heavenly fire, he was conveyed by an Angel to Earth agai [...]. But the Angel had no sooner left him, but Lucifer met him; but notwithstanding his perswasions, he went on in his designs of revealing the Law, which he did first to his Father and Mother, and by their means it came to the ears of Gustasph, then King of Persia, who sending for him, he told the King every circumstance, so that the King began to incline to his religion, often sending for, and conversing with him. The Churchmen of that time endeavoured to put infamy upon Zerto [...]st, by perswading the King, that he was an Impostor, and of unclean living, for that he [...]ad the bones of humane bodies under his bed, the King hearing this sent to search, and found it so to be, for these Churchmen had caused them to be conveyed thither; wherefore Zertoost, by or­der of the King was put in Prison: but there hap­pened an occasion, that he was not only soon relea­sed, but also brought into the Kings favour; for the King having a Horse that he prized, that fell sick, and [Page 34] no person able to cure him, Zeroost undertook the cure, and performed it; and working some other miracles, was now of good credit, and esteemed as a man come f [...]om God; so that now his Book gained an esteem, and the King himself told him, That if he would grant him four demands, he would believe his Law, and be a Professor thereof. The demands were these; First, That he might ascend to Heaven, and descend when he list. Secondly, That he might know what God would do at present, and in time to come. Thirdly, That he might never dye. Fourthly, That no instrument whatso [...]ver might have power to wound or hurt him. Zertoost did consent that all this might [...]e done, but not by one person; and therefore to the first, Gustasph had power to ascend to, and descend from Heaven granted to him. The second, which was to know what would fall out, present and here­after, was granted to the Kings Church-man. The third, which was to live for ever, was granted to Gu­stasph's eldest Son, named Dischuon, who yet lives as they say, at a place in Persia, called Demawando Lo­hoo, in a high Mountain, with a guard of thirty men; to which place all living creatures are forbidden to approach, lest they should live for ever, as they do who abide there The last, which was never to be wounded with instrument or weapon, was granted to the youngest Son of Gvstasph, called Esplandiar. So Gustasph, and the other three mentioned, proving the power of these several gifts, all determined to live according to the precepts in Zertoosts Book, he un­folding the contents thereof, which were these: This Book contained three several Tracts, the first whereof was of Judicial Astrology; the second was of Phy­sick; the third, was called Zertoost, and this was of matters of Religion: And these three Tracts were [Page 35] delivered to the Magis, Physitians and Church-men, called Darooes, the [...]e Tracts were divided into Chap­ters, seven were in the Wisemen or Iesopps Book, se­ven in the Physitians, and seven in the Darooes Book; the two first is unlawful or unnecessary, I shall omit it, and proceed to the third. The Dicision of men being Laity and Clergy; and those of the Clergy being ordinary or extraordinary, It pleased God, say the Persees to divide and apportion his Law among these men First, therefore, to the Lay-man God gave five Commandments:

  • 1. To have shame over them, as a remedy against sin for that will keep them from oppressing his infe­riours, from stealing, from being drunk, and from bearing false witness.
  • 2. To have fear alwayes present, that they might not commit sin.
  • 3. When they go about any thing, to think whe­ther it be good or bad so to do it or to let it alone.
  • 4. That the sight of God [...]s creatures, in the morn­ing, put them in mind to give God thanks for them.
  • 5 That when they pray by day, they turn their faces towards the Sun; and by night towards the Moon.

These are the precepts enjoyned the Lay-men, those of the common Church-man follow, who are bound to keep, not only these appropriated to him; but the proceeding precepts.

  • 1. To pray after the manner is described in the Zundavestaw, for God is best pleased with that form.
  • 2. To keep his eyes from coveting any thing that is anothers.
  • 3. To have a great care to speak the truth alwayes because Lucifer is the father of falshood.
  • 4. To meddle with no bodies business but his own, [Page 36] and not meddle with the things of the world, for the Lay-man shall provide all things needful for him.
  • 5. To learn the Zundavestaw by heart▪ that he may teach the Lay-man.
  • 6. To keep himself pure as from dead carcases, or unclean meats lest he be defiled.
  • 7. To forgive all injuries, in imitation of God, who daily forgives us.
  • 8. To teach the common people to pray, to pray with them for any good: and when they come to the place of worship, to joyn in common prayer to­gether.
  • 9. To give licence for Marriage, and to marry men and women, the Parents not having power to do it without the consent of the Herbood.
  • 10. To spend the greatest part of their time in the Temple, that he may be ready on all occasions.
  • 11. and last Injunction is, upon pai [...] of Damnation, to believe no other Law but that of Zertoost, and not to add to it, nor diminish it.

These are the precepts enjoyned the Herbood, the Des [...]oore being the High Priest, who commands all the rest, is e [...]joyned not only these of the Laymon or Be­hedin. these of the Herbood or Churchmen, but 13 more of his own, whi [...]h are these that follow.

  • 1. That he must never touch any of a strange Caft or Sect of what Religion soever, nor any Layman of his own Religion, but he must wash himself.
  • 2. That he must do all his own work, in token of humility, and for purity, viz. Set his own herbs sow his own grain and dress his own meat, unless he have a Wife to do it for him. which is not usual.
  • 3. That he take Tyth or Tenth of the Behedin, as Gods due, and despose of it as he th [...]nks fit.
  • [Page 37]4. That he must use no pomp or superfluity, by either give all away in charity, or bestow it in build­ing of Temples.
  • 5. That his house be near the Church, where he must retire himself, living recluse in Prayer.
  • 6. That he must live purer then others, both in frequent washings and dyet, and also sequester himself from his Wife in time of her pollutions.
  • 7. That he be learned▪ and knowing all the several Books of Zertoost as well the Astrological and Phy­sical parts▪ as the other.
  • 8. That he must never eat and drink excessively.
  • 9. That he fear no body but God, and sin, and not fear what Lucifer can do to him.
  • 10. That God having given him power in matters of the soul; therefore when any Man sins he may tell him of it, be he never so great; and every man is to obey him, as one that speaketh not his own cause, but Gods.
  • 11. That he be able to discern in what manner God comes to reveal himself, in what manner Lu­cifer.
  • 12. That he reveal not what God madifesteth to him by Visions.
  • 13. That he keep an ever-living fire, that never may [...]o out, which being kindled by that fire that Zertoost brought from Heaven, may endure for all ages, till fire shall come to destroy all the world, and that he say his prayers over it.

This is a Summary of those precepts contained in the book of their Law, that Zertoost is by them affir­med to bring from heaven, and that Religion which Guslasph with his followers embraced, perswaded by the afore-mentioned miracles wrought by Zertoost amongst them.

[Page 38]The 3d. particular in this Tract is the rights and ceremonies observed by this Sect, differencing them from others.

First, Though their Law allows them great libe [...]ty inmeats and drinks; yet because they will not dis­please the Banians and Moors, they abstain from Kine and Hogs-flesh; they eat alone, and drink in se­veral Cups.

2. They observe 6 Feasts in the year, according to the 6 works of the Creation.

3. As for their Fasts, after every one of the [...] Feasts they eat but one Meal a day for 5 days tog [...] ­ther; and when they eat Flesh they carry part of [...]t to the Temple as an offering.

Their worship of Fire is taken from Z [...]rt [...]ts bringing it from Heaven, and it being enjoyned them for the nature of it, that which he brought, c [...]ld not be extinguished; whether that be prefer [...]ed is unknown, but upon effect thereof they are licensed to compose a fire of several mixtures which is o [...] e [...]en sorts; when they meet about that ceremony bestow­ed on this Fire, the Defloore or Herbood, together with the Assembly encompass it about, and [...]andi [...]g about 11 or 12 foot distance, the De [...]loore or H [...]ood uttereth this speech. That forasmuch as [...] was [...]l [...] ­vered to Zertoost their Law-giver from God [...]lmigh [...]y who pronounced it to be his vertue and excel [...]nce, that therefore they should reverence it, and not abuse [...] the ordinary use thereof, as to put water in it, or spit in it, &c.

At the birth of a child the Dacoo or Churchman is sent for, who calculates the Nativity of the Child, and the Mother names it without [...]ny ceremony [...]f [...]r this it is carried to the Church, and water is p [...]r [...]d thereon, and prayer used, That God would cleanse it [Page 39] from the uncleanness of the Father, and menstruous pol­lutionis of the Mother. At 7 years of age he is led by the Parents into the Church to have Confirmation, where he is taught Prayers, and instructed in Religi­on and being washed, he is cloathed in a Linnen Cassock and other habits, which he ordinarily wears and so is admi [...]ted into their Sect.

They have a five-fold kind of marriage, for which they have several terms; the most singular, is that of hiring a mans Son or Daughter to be matched to their dead Daughter or Son, with whom they are contract­ed The ceremony observed in their Marriages is performed at Midnight, not in the Church, but upon a bed, by two Church-men, one in behalf of the man, the other in behalf of the Woman, who ask if they are willing to be married, and they joyn hands, the man promising to provide for the Woman and give her some Gold to bind her to him; and the woman promiseth all she hath is his; then the Churchmen scattering rice, prays that they may be fruitful, and so they conclude, celebrating the marriage feast for 8 days together.

As for burial they have two places or Tombs, built of a round form, a pretty height from the ground; within they are paved with stone, in a shelving manner in the midst a hollow pit to receive the consum'd bones about the walls are the shrowded & sheeted carkasses laid both of men and women, exposed to the open Air. These 2 Tombs are distant from one another; the one is for good livers, the other for the wicked. When any are sick unto death, the Herbood is sent for, who prays in the eares of the sick man; & when he is dead he is carried on anIron biere; all who accompany them are interdicted all speech; only the Churchman, when the dody is laid in the burial place, saith thus, Thi [...] [Page 40] our Brother whilst he lived consisted of the 4 Elements now he is dead let each take his own, Earth to Earth, Air to Air Water to Water, and Fire to Fire. This done they pray to Sertun and Asud, that they would keep the Devils from their deceased Brother when he repairs to their holy fire to purge himself; for they suppose the Soul wandreth three days on the earth, in which time Luoifer molesteth it, for security from which molestation, it flyes to their [...]ire, seeking pre­servation here; which time concluded, it receiveth justice or reward, Hell or Heaven; and therefore they for those three days offer up Prayers Morning Noon and Night, that God would be merciful to the Soul departed, and forgive his sins. After three days are expired they make a Festival, and conclude their mourning.


The Arrival of the English Fleet, his entertaining of six Engl [...]sh-men, an account of whose Adventures is promised him by one of the Company. The Tra­vell [...]r describeth the place of his birth and Parents, the death of his elder Brother, and how through the perswasions of his Father, he resolved to follow thieving.

I Had now spent several Months in my Voyage by Sea, perambulations by Land, and observations of the Country in general, and this more particular dis­covery [Page 41] of the Laws and manner both of Civil and Eccle [...]iastical of the Inhabitants a just account where­of I have given you in the foregoing Chapters: And now we daily expected the return of Ships from Eng­land, and therefore every one provided to be [...]urnish­ed with all things necessary against their arrival: The Merchants who were re [...]ident on shore had every day several sorts of commodities brought out of the Coun­try in Waggons drawn by Oxen, so that their Store­houses were filled; and I for my part prov [...]ded my self with all sorts of Liquor and Victuals that the Country afforded

All the time usual the Fleet arrived, which cnosisted of 4 [...]hips, whereof 3 was on the account of the Company, and the 4th. by their permission, came a [...] an Interloper: those that came on the account of the company were provided with all things necessary, by the order of the Consul or President; and the other Ships company being left to shift for themselves, took up my house for their quarters The chief of the company that lodged with me consisted of 6 persons, two whereof seemed to be very hansome young men, of about 18 years of age; these two were very well respected as well by the Captain as the others his Companions, they were all very frolick, blith, and merry, and several times laughed at several adven­tures that had befall'n them during the Voyage.

Though the Captain of this Ship came not on the Companies account, yet he was very richly loaden, and was directed to such persons of this Country as would be sure to do his business for him; neither was he a stranger therein, for he had been here twice be­fore, and was acqu [...]inted with most of the Banians, who are so curious & diligent observers, that if they see a man but once, if he ever return though several [Page 42] years after, yet they will know him again, especially if they have had any trading with them; and they have so good a conceit of our Country-men, that they will oftentimes trust a Captain with 2 or 300 l. worth of Commodities from one year to another; only gi­ving them common interest; and as to their ordinary dealing and bargaining, they are at a word and there is money to be saved by dealing with them, and trust­ing them, for if you distrust them, then you shall pay so much the more; if you trust them they will pro­vide your goods as cheap or cheaper than you can your self do it, though never so well experienced therein. I needed not to acquainted our Captain with any of their fashions, for he well enough understood it himself; but I assi [...]ted him and some of the rest in exchanging their Moneys, for the Banians allow no more for any silver or gold Coin than it weighs; for it will never go currant there, till it be changed or minted into the coin of that Country.

Four o [...] my Guests, viz. The Captain, and three of the rest did employ themselves in looking after the Ships unlading, but the other two, who were the youngest (and there ore, as I thought, fittest to take pains) did still stay at home in my own house, or else walk out for their recreation▪ This, and some other things that I observed made me curious in my observations of them in all their actions, suspect­ing they were either personages of greater quality than ordinary, or that there was some other Mistery in the case: but they being as cunning as my self con­cealed that from me which I since knew, though I tryed them with several speeches and discourses; in which I thought my self cunning enough; I obser­ved this, that these two young men never lay toge­ther, but sometimes the Captain lay with one of [Page 43] them, a [...]d another persons of his company with the o­ther The greatest part of their business being for the present dispatched▪ they often-times staid at home and feasted where they drank of great quantities of Persia [...] Wine▪ and other the Country drinks, the best I could get for them, They having all drank one time to a good height, and being very merry, the Cap­tain asked which was the best house for handsome Women now. I enformed him of [...]he be [...]t I knew▪ but says he, ye have no English Girls here, no said I seldom any such bles [...]ings come into this Country we are forced to content our selves with the brown Natives: I believe, said the Captain, if these two young men, William and George, for such was the names of the two young Men I spake of) were hand­somely drest in Womens cloaths, they would pass for handsome Women. I then of a sudden turning my eyes towards the parties he spake of, saw that their cheeks were dy'd of a Vermillion hue, deeper then they had lately been acquired by drinking: This caused me to di [...]rust [...]omething; but the rest of the company fal­ling into a kind of a laughter, which I supposed was somewhat force [...], they altred their discourse▪ and began a fresh health to all their friends in Englan [...], which I pledged them with a very good will, telling them that I had some, whose company I had heartily wished for what are they, said the Captain; Sir, sai [...] they are such as I believe you love, that is hand [...]ome women in general; and of these I had the good fortune to be particularly and intimately ac­quainted with several. At the ending of this dis­course, I was called for down to attend some of my guests who were going, which having done. I agen went up, where I found the Captain and the rest in a standing posture, ready likewise to be gone, at [Page 44] which I wondred▪ but let them take their pleasures: so five or six of my guests left me, and he had gone too had he not been a little fluster'd, and then a sleep. After they were gone several thoughts possest my mind, of what these two youngest persons should be; and it was long ere I could hit upon the right, but having one person in the house; with whom I was more intimate than the rest, I resolved to use my ut­most interest with him to be satisfied: he in few hours awaked, and would have been gone after his companions; but I so far prevailed with him, that he lay there that night; and because I would have the better opportunity for my discourse, I lay with him; when we were in bed, I told him that I could heartily wish I could accommodate him with a Fe­male Bedfellow; he replyed that would do very w [...]ll, I offered my assistance in procuring the best of our country, but he was cold in his reply; whereupon I told him, that by that time he had been so long in the country as I had, he would be glad of one of those whom I sometimes made a shift to spend a night with: but continued I, I had rather be [...]t Mother Cr— in Moor-fields: Are you acquainted there replyed my Bedfellow, yes, said I, and at most of those houses of hospitality in or about London, to which colledges I was a good Benefactor, why, said my Bedfellow you have been right, or else I had never come hither said I: whereupon I acquainted him with many of my rambles about London, and gave him such satisfaction in my discourse that he began to be more free with me; and then I conju­red him to deal truly with me in resolving me one question, to which he promised me, that he would, I having gained thus much upon him: told him that my reque [...]t was to know what those two young Per­sons [Page 45] were; which were called William and George: truly said he, you could not have asked me any thing that I should be more unwilling to di [...]cover then that; but since I have promised you, I will tell you, and that the truth without any disguise, provided you swear to me, not to discover or take any notice thereof, without my consent, to this I agreed, and having sworn to him he told me, that they were not of those names, nor sex, that they went for, but wo­men, I told him I had long since doubted so much, and now I knew it, I would take no notice thereof: but rather assist then hinder any design wherein there was so much pleasure, for I had been as very a wag as any of them, and had in my time run through as many and various adventures as any man of my age; he hearing me say so, asked me where I had lived, and the mo [...]t part of my life, I without any dissem­bling gave him a short account of my life, which so pleased him, that we spent most part of the night therein, and at my earnest requ [...]st he promised me that the next day, he would give me an account of his life, and adventures, wherein said he, you will find so many different chances of fortune, as had hardly befallen any man, and I hope said he, I shall be able to give you a good account thereof: for since my coming from England, I have had time to recollect my self of some things that else I had forgotten, but now I have placed the chief passages of my life into such a Method, as I shall be very exact in, though I was impatient to hear what he promised me, yet the night being far spent sleep seized on us both for some hour [...], but awaking in the morning, and putting him in mind of his promise, after a mornings draught taken and a command that none should interrupt us, he began as follows.

[Page 46]I was born in Golding la [...]e, a place scitutate in the Suburbs of London, my Fathers name was Isaac, and by reason of his small stature was commonly c [...]lled little Isaac, being a native of the same place, and by profession a Cobler, but such was his courage that he was much troubled when any one called him Cobler▪ and would reply, that he was a Translat [...]r, or a Trans­mographer of shooes. His Wife who I believe was my Mother, was named Vrsula; she was in the beginning of her days one of those sort of people that we call Gipsies, or Canting-Beggars, and my Father travelling into the country, and wanting money to pay for a bed at night, he was forced to take up his lodging in a Barn, where he first came to be acquaint­ed with my Mother; whether they were ever mar­ried or no, I cannot tell, though I suppose they only took each others words as being willing to save the charge of a Priests hire. But notwithstanding the darkness of her complection (as those sort of people commonly have) there is not so bad a Jill, but there is as bad a Jack for it was not long before she horni­fied my Father, by a Banbury Tinker: which thing was so well known amongst the neighbors, that they would commonly make horns with their fingers, and point at him as he passed along the streets. My eldest brother at seven years of age attained to such ingenuity that he seldom carried [...]ome any mended shooes to a Gentlemans or Citizens house, but he would filch either linnen, silver spoons, or some­thing else of worth, which by negligent servants was not laid up safely; which trade he drave for some space of time, being by reason of his childish years not in the least suspected; but the pitcher goes not so often to the well, but at length it coms broken home, in processe of time he was taken with the theft, and for [Page 47] the same caried to Newgate, where [...]ore little An­gel (peace be with him) he dyed in Prison under the penance of a discipling which was applied to him with a little too much rigour:

Our whole family [...]ma [...]ted in his punishment, my fathert sighed, my mother sobbed, and I wanted my part of those dainty morsels which his theft furnished us withall, for by him my father drave a prett [...] tra [...]e, having those who always furnished him with ready money for whatsoever he brought▪ and indeed his loss' would have utterly disconsolated my father but the great [...]opes that he had in me who was now come to the same age that my brother wa [...] of when, he first began to exercise his gifts in the mistery of theivery; and that I might tread the same step tha [...] my brother had done before me, my father (upon a certain day when my mother and he and I were alone by our selves) began thus for to endoctrinate me.

My son (said she) the profession o [...] a theif is not of so base repute as the world gives it out, considring what brave men have in former time exercised them­selves in this way: I have hard the Clark of our pa­rish say, who I assure you was a well read man, that Robin Hood that famous thief was in his yonger days Earl of Huntington [...] & that Alexander the great was no better then a th [...]ef in robbing other Princes of their Kingdoms and Crowns. (This it seems be spake in vi [...]dication of the Sexton, who used to rob the dead co [...]ps of their sheets and shirts and those o­ther necess [...]ries which they carried along with them in their voyage to Heaven) I tell thee he who steals not, knows [...]ot how to li [...]e in this world, nay doth not almost each thing in the world teach u [...] for to steal? do [...]e not see youth steal upon infancy, [Page 48] manhood steal upon [...]outh and old age upon man­hood, until at last death stealeth upon us undiscern'd and bringeth us to our long homes; How doth Sum­mer steal on the Spring? Autumn on Summer, and Winter on Autumn, until all the whole year is stole out of our sight. Pray what do rich Farmers and griping Cormorants, but steal when they exact in their prices of Corn, and grind the faces of the poor; and how can Shop-keepers wipe off the aspersion of theft from themselves when they sell a commodity for twice the worth of it, and thereby cozen the buyer; so that we see if things be rightly scanned, there be more thieves in the World than only Taylors, Mil­lers and Weavers: and what I pray you makes Ser­jeants, Bayliffs, and Catch-poles so to envy us, and persecute as they do, but that one trade still envies, and malignes another, and would by their good wills suffer no other thieves but themselves; this it is that makes them so double diligent in the surprizal of us, though oftentimes our craft forestalls their malice, as I shall instance to you in one memorable example.

My self and two of my comrades had agreed to rob a rich Userer whose younger brother having vitious­ly wasted his Estate, was forced to take this his bro­thers house for sanctuary, where he kept as close as a snail in his shell, unless only at such times when as he imagined the darkness of the night might shrewd him in obscurity, he so dreaded these shoulder clap­pers, who stick closer t [...] a man than a bur on his cloak for being once got into their clu [...]ches, you may as soon wring Hercules club out of his fist, as get free from there fingers; and herein have thieves a great priviledge over debtors, for the mos [...] notorious thief that ever was, once in a months time he is carted out of Prison, as others for smaller matters are freed [Page 49] from durance by following the cart, where a fellow with a cat of nine-tails doth play him such a lesson, as makes him to skip and mount for joy of his delive­rance; but wi [...]h a poor debtor the case is far different for being once in prison, the best team of Horses that ever drew in a Wagon, cannot draw him out from thence without a silver hook.

But to speak of that (some) which more properly belongs unto thee (for I suppose thou wilt never attain to such credit as for to be laid up in Prison for de [...]t [...]) by the help of a servant of the house, who went sharers with us in our prey, we got a false key made to the back door, whereby (one night) we attained an easie entrance, and loaded our selves to our hearts content; but in our return one of our companions chanced to sneeze, and therewithal brake wind so violently behind, that it awaked the old Userer, who suspitious of the least noise presently cryed out, Thieves thieves: Trusty Roger his man was very ready to rise at first allarm, fearing that our discovery might prove prejudicial to his liberty, and lighting a Candle pretended to search every hole in the house into which it was possible for a mouse to enter; In the mean time we lay close, yet not unperceived by this false servant, who very formal­ly told his Ma [...]ter that all was safe and well, and that he might take his rest without any fear; But the dread of his hearing us prolonged our stay, so long that day began to approach, whereupon fearing more danger from without than from within, we prepared for our departure, but having opened the door, we found that we had leapt out [...]f the frying-pan into the fire, and by shunning Scylla were fallen into Char [...]bdes, for four of these Catch-poles were waiting at the door for the Userers Brother, having [Page 50] intelligence belike that he used to make the dusky morning, and dark evening, the two shrouds that car­ [...]ied him safely in and out to his Brothers house; Now going out of the door first one of these robustious fellows laid hands upon me taking me for the party they waited for, my companions endeavouring to res­cue me were seized on by the other three Bayliffs, so that we seeing no hopes of escape, resolved to cry whore first, and with full mouth cryed out Thieves, thieves; Trusty Roger and the man that should have been arrested, hearing this cry, took weapons in their hands and out of doors they came, where Roger soon perceiving how the business went, ah you Rogues (said he) do you come to rob my Master? and thereupon laid so nimbly about him, being seconded by the o­ther, that the Bayliffs were glad to let us go to de­fend themselves. Whilst they were thus busied in pelt­ing each other, we slipped away with our prize, and to take a full revenge of those Catch-poles, raised se­veral of the neighbours, whom we sent to the appre­hending of the Bayliffs; whilst we marched away in safety, what became of them afterwards I do not know only this I tell thee, to let thee see that there is not [...]y danger whatsoever so great, but by wit and cun­ [...]gness may be avoided. This story I heard with [...]eat attention, which so wrought upon my mind [...]t I thought my self no less then a second Robin Hood [...] little Iohn, and thereupon resolved to put in speedy [...]ecution my [...]athers dictates which yet proved very [...]fortunate to me, as you will find by that which [...]lows.


His robbing of Orchards, how he was catcht by a Night-spell, the extremity their family was brought unto, and how to relieve it, he robbed a Grocer, he cheateth a Cutler, afterwards robbeth a Bacon-man, his Father is prest away for a Souldier, his Mother ayeth, and he being left alone, goeth to live with an uncle, where he acteth many Rogueries.

MY mind being thus fully fixt to follow thieving I began my trade in robbing of Orchards, re­turning home with laden thighs, the Trophies and spoil of Cherry-Trees, Pear-trees, and Plumb-trees▪ My Mother instead of correcting me for what I had done, encouraged me to proceed on as I had begun; for indeed hunger had pinched us sorely ever since my Brothers death, my Fathers cre­dit being so eclipsed thereby, that until people saw he would mend his Life scarce any one would employ him to mend their shoes. One Orchard I especially, haunted, it being stor [...]d with most gallant fruit, whose very looks me thought did cry, Come eat me: but so often I frequented the same, especially one tree of more choice fruit than all the rest that the owner of the Orchard (being a rich miserable chuff, and one who knew on which side his bread was butter'd) be­gan to mistrust the same, and therefore that his ap­ples might not depart away without first taking leave of him, he resolved for the future to prevent the same, and having some little skill in Negromancy [Page 52] against my next coming, he inchanted his Orchard with a Night-spell.

This he placed at the four corners of his Orchard in the hour of Mars, and is of such force being rightly applyed, that whoever comes within the bounds thereof, must be forced to stay there till Sun-rising. Now I that knew not any thing of what was done, according to my accustomed course, having the dark night for my coverture, boldly entred the Orchard, and with winged [...]ast as­cended upon one of the trees, where having filled a bag with Apples which my Mother had fu [...]nished me withal for that purpose, I thought to depart a­way as formerly I had done, but the case was quite altered from what was before, for I found my self in such a Labyrinth that the best clue of my inven­tion could not wind me out; Here did I wander about with my bag on my shoulders (having not the power in the least to lay it down) till such time as Aurora begun to usher in the day, when the old chuff entred his Orchard to see what fish his net had caught, resolving with severity to punish the Cains that had stoln away his goods, but instead of a Gudgeon finding but a Sp [...]at, beholding my Childish years, he could not imagine me to be the Authour of so much wrong as he had received and thereupon altering his resolution of breaking arms and leggs as he first intended, he stepped back to his house, and fetched from thence a great burchin rod, the instrument wherewith he intended to chastise me withal, with much silence he approached unto me; (for a words speaking would dissolve the charm) and having with some strugling untrust my Breeches, laying me over his knee, he began to exercise the office of a Pedagogue upon me; now I [Page 53] having for some space of time before eaten nothing but green fruit, had gotten a terrible looseness, which with the fright that I was in, and the smart that I felt, wrought such effects in my belly, that opening my posteriors, I discharged a whole volley of excrements in his face. This action of mine made him at once to shut his eyes, open his mouth▪ and unloose his hands, so that the charm being broken, and my body at liberty, I quickly convey­ed my self out of the Orchard, leaving the old catterpillar in a very stinking condition, not to be reme­died without the benefit of that cleansing element of water.

Warned by this disa [...]ter, I was very fearful to en­ter into any more Orchards, and indeed had I met no Remora in my proceedings, yet this trade would soon have failed; for not long after the Apples were all transplanted out of the Orchard into the Cellar, and winter began to hasten on apace. And now hunger which vvill not be treated vvithal vvithout bread began to reign Lord and King in our Family; the Chandler vvould let us have no more cheese for chalk, nor [...]enny loaves for round O's, we had made a black poast white already with our score, and his belief vvould extend no further to trust us for any more: nay▪ the very Ale-house-keeper (to vvhom we vvere such constant Customers) vvas novv grovvn such a Nullifidian, that he vvould not believe us for small-beer, vvherefore vve vvere forced to make a vertue of necessity, and to prevent starving, our houshold goods marched avvay one after another; the first thing t [...]at vve sold vvas the Cupboard as the most unnecessary thing in all the house, having no victuals to put therein; soon after follovved the Table as an Appendix to it, for seeing the Table vvill hold no [Page 54] victuals thereon for us to eat, we in revenge thereof did eat up the Table; That with some joynt-stools belonging to it) being de [...]oured and gone, our sto­macks were so hot that it soon melted away the pew­ter dishe [...]; for we considered with our selves that good meat might be eaten out of wooden platters then followed the napkins and Table-cloathes, for we were not so much cloyed with fat meat but that a little linnen would serve to wipe the greace off of our fingers; in fine this pinching hunger was the Habeas Corpus that removed all our goods out of the Hou [...]e unto the Brokers, and now our dwel [...]ing place corresponded with our bellies, being alike both empty

In this comfortle [...]s condition we remained for the space of three days, having neither money nor any thing to make money of being thus sadly necessita­ted, my father and I set our wits upon the Tenter­hooks which way to recruit our decayed estate, many inventions we had for t [...]at purpose, and pre­sent necessity urged us to make a speedy use of one of them which not long after we brought to pass in this manner.

It being then winter time, the Evenings long and dark, we bought a Link for three pence, the re­mainder of our whole estate; with this about ten of the clock in the night we marc [...]ed out, resolving to fasten on the fairest opportunity that should present its self to our sight▪ many streets we traversed, but found not any thing that might answer either our in­tent or expectation. Coming at last to Basing-lane and casting our wandring eyes into a Shop we there e [...]pyed a Grocer telling of money on a [...]ounter, be­ing lighted only by a single Candle; this made for our purpose, whereupon my [...] planting himself, [Page 55] I boldly entered the Shop, desiring him to give me leave to light my Link; which being granted I with the same soon popt out his Candle snatching up a handful of mone [...] ran out of the doors with the same as fast as I could; the Grocer hasted after me amain, in the mean time my father stept into the Shop, and took away the remainder of the money. My nimble­ness had soon out stripped the Grocer, who returned back, found that the Devil migh dance upon his Counter for there was never a cross to keep him from it. About an hour after we met together at home, where having counted our purchase, we found that it amounted to seven pounds eighteen shillings and six pence So long as this money lasted, the pot, the spit▪ and Pitcher was never idle; but what was thus got over the Devils back was soon spent under his belly, and [...]n a short time we were reduced to as great want as we were in before.

Necessity is the best whetstone to sharpen the edge of a mans invention, when the gutts being to grumble against the belly for want of food, Oh in what a con­fusion is then this little microcosme of ours? How is the invention rack'd, tortur [...]d and stretched forth to supply that defect, my hungry belly found this to be too true, which made me set my wits on work for a speedy remedy; a project quickly came into my head but to effect the same I wanted money; this was a double task for me to do, but a willing mind over­comes all difficulties, away went I to a Cut [...]ers, where in the cheaping of one knife, I stole another, and lest the Cutler should mistr [...]st me, I came up to his price, but pretended I had forgotten my money, and therefore must go home & fetch it this stollen knife I sold for a great, which money I intended for a bait to [Page 56] catch a bigger fish some few streets I traversed before my project would fasten, at last coming to Warwick­lane I saw in a Bacon-shop a fellow standing in a poc­ket blew apron whose Innocent looks gave me confi­dent hopes of a golden prize, in I went and asked him the price of a pound of Bacon? six pence boy said he of the Rib, and four pence of the Gammo [...]; then give me a pound of the Gammon (said I and here is a [...]roat the whole estate of a poor boy who hath been a long time in getting the same. Whilst he was weighing it I told him I had a curst Mother in la [...], who fed me only with a bit and a knock, which made me to go with an empty belly and an heart full of sorrow, that if she should know that I am in pos­session of so eatable a commodity, she would take it from me, and that she did often search my pockets for that purpose: I therefore desired him to prevent the worst that might happen, to put the same down my back betwixt my doublet and shirt, which whilst he was doing, I leaning my head against him, with a short knife cut the pocket out of his apron, and having thanked him very kindly away I went, leaving my poor Bacon-man with a bottomless penny­less pocket

My purchased prize was about thirty shillings, of which some four of it was in brass farthings, but all was currant coyn that came into my hands, for I made no scruple at all in the receiv [...]ng it; with this [...] returned home, thinking to be received with much joy, as having gotten that in my pocket which would make us all merry, but the case was quite altered from what was before, my Mother was on a sudden fallen sick, my Father pressed for a Soldier, and hur­ried away. This much abated the edge of my mirth but my years not being capable of much sorrow, al­though [Page 57] thou [...]h my Mothers death ensued not long after, yet it was soon over, and [...]ndeed her outward condition was so deplorable, it had been [...]lmost impiety to have wished her longer life.

Now though my cond [...]tion was bad enough be­fore, yet by my Mothers death it was much worse, I was now left to the wide world friendless, monyless, and pittyless, for not any one of the Neighbors would give me entertainment, expecting no good fruit from the sciens of such a bad stock. To follow my Trade of thieving I began to d [...]ead, for every line, rope, and halter that I saw, me thoughts did admo­nish me to leave it off, for fear I came home short at last, and to follow the occupation of begging was then a [...]ery bad time to begin in, it being about th [...] depth of winter: at last I remembred my Mother had a Brother a Barber-Chyrurgion, living in St. Mar­tins; thither I went, acquainted him vvith his sisters death my own sad condition, and what a boy I vvould prove if it vvould please him to give me ente [...] ­tainment; he being ignorant o [...] the Trade tha [...] I drove, and moved vvith compassion at my pittiful tale, told me if I performed vvhat I promised, I should not vvant for any thing he could assist me in; hereupon I vvas had into the House, and though my Aunt scovv­led on me, my Uncle commanded my raggs to be ta­ken off▪ and a suit of one of my Cousins p [...]t upon me, as being the more durable, although my own were a thousand strong.

Having thus with the snake cast my skin, at­tained to good diet and lodging, I quickly began to be as brisk as a body lowse, and to vapour amongst the boys like a Crovv in a Gutter, and (notvvithstanding my promise) my mind vvas novv vvholly fixt upon Roguery, but in a lovver orb than [Page 58] what I pra [...]tised before, tending rather to mirth then much mischief; to do this I had several in [...]entions according as time and place were convenient; one of my first exploits was but being sent of an errant to a Grocers shop in a froscy morni [...]g, where a pan of coals to warme their fingers I secretly convayed therein some Guinney-peper, which set the Prentice in such a vilent coughing fit they were not able to speak to a Cu [...]tomer, their Mistress hearing this noise below, came running down stairs where scenting the matter, she begen to speak aloud at both ends, and be­ing something laxative by dri [...]king of Sider, she be­wrayed in what a condition she was in by what was scattered on the flour.

Sometimes would I in a clean place where wen­ches were to pass, lay a trane of Gun-pouder, and at the very instant that they went along set fire [...]o it which was a great pleasure to my Worship to see ho [...] the poor Girles would skip and leap, just like a horse when he hath a netle under his tayle. At other times in the night would I tye a [...]ine from one side of the street to the other about half a foot high, whereby those that came next were sure to h [...]ve a fall nay I could not forbeare to act my Rogueries in the Church it self haveing Goo [...]e quills [...] led with lice and fleas, which I would purchase of the Beggars for broken meat; these would I blow into the necks of the daintiest Gentle women that I could see. At other times would I with a needle and thred ( [...]hich I alwayes carried about with me in my p [...]cket) [...]ow mens cloaks and womens Gownes together as they stood in the Crowd, so that when they went a way, there would be such pulling of one another, that they would never leave until one of there Garments had a peice of it rent out

[Page 59]Amongst other instruments of mischief where-with I exercised my self, one was a hallow trunck to shoot with, in which I was such an Artist that I seldom mist hitting the mark I aimed at; and that I might be the better undiscovered I on purpose brake a hole in the glass window, through which I used to shoot at my pleasure, scarce could an Oyster-wench, or Kitching-stuff-wench pass by, but I would hit her on the neck, hands, or some naked place, which would set her a rayling and scolding for a quarter of an hour toge­ther at she knew not whom. One Monday morning a Shoomakers maid had been fetching a great Pitcher of Beer for the Crispins to begin their weeks work withall; now as she sailed along with the Pitcher in her hand, which with the weight thereof drew her quite a one side, to prevent the Wenches growing crooked thereby I level'd so right that I hit her on the fingers, so that down came the Pitcher and with the weight thereof brake all in pieces, and spilt the good liquor, the poor Wench cryed pittifully, the Cris­pins stormed for loosing their mornings draughts, and being informed it was I that did it, they vowed to be revenged one me, which not long after they brought to pass.

For I that could not live without Roguery, no more then a [...]ish without water, still continued my trade, notwithstanding all their threats. One day whilst I was watching for my prey, thorow the hole of the glass window aforesaid, there came by a man with a basket of drinking glasses on his head; scarce was h [...] past me, when I saluted him with a dirt-bullet on the Calf of his Leg,, which made him give such a leap, that down came the basket with the glasses clattering upon the stones making such a murther amongst them that never was a Citizen (though he owed ten thou­sand [Page 60] pound more than he was worth) so much broken as they. The fellow seeing his glasses thus mor [...]ified cursed most bitterly breathing forth nothing but re­venge, if he did but know who it was that did it. I who was conscious of my own guilt, hearing him so to thunder thought some of his anger might lighten on me, and therefore to prevent the worst, I ran up the stairs, and hid my self under the bed; but he that hath a bad name is worse then half hang'd, the Shoo­makers who I had mischiefed before, right or wrong said positively that it was I, urging him on to revenge him self on my Uncles glass-windows; the fellow who was easily induced to believe what they said, and to a [...]t accordingly made no more ado but up with his empty basket, and to revenge his quarrel made such havock of the windows, that there was scarcely ever a q [...]arrel left O how did my Uncle look and my Aunt scold to see their house thus metamorpho [...]ed into the shape of a Bawdy-house; but it was in vain for them to complain every one took the mans part and laid all the blame of the mischief upon me; hereupon was a privy search made all the house over for me and being found my poor buttocks paid full dearly for the breaking the windows, my Aunt standing by all the while to see execution done upon me, and urging my Uncle on to beat me▪ for which I cursed her in my heart most bitterly.


He d [...]scovers his Aunts playing loose with a Shopkeeper, his uncles invective against Women. His Aunt and the Maid joyn together, and by a blind wager make him to be laughed and hooted at by the boys, he is s [...]undly revenged on them both for the same.

MY Aunts unkindness to me vexed me to the heart, so that I vowed t [...] my self to be revenged on her; the print of the rod did not stick so fast on my buttocks, as the remembrance of her words did stick in my mind; Io was not so watched by A [...] ­gus as I watched her, for I knew that Women were subject to many faults, and my Aunt as subject as any of t [...]e rest; One Shopkeeper used constantly to haunt our house, not a day passed in which we had not his company: This Man my Uncle entertained with ve­ry much respect, for what reason I know not, unless it were that of the Poets:

Experience plainly doth unto us show,
Cuckolds are kind to them that make them so.

One day my Uncle went forth to dress a Patient, no sooner was be gone but the Shopkeeper wa [...] there; Now our whole Family consisted only of four persons, my Uncle and Aunt, a Maid and my self; in order therefore for their more privacy, the Maid was sent to the M [...]rket to buy [Page 62] eggs, and my self had liberty to go forth to play; I kindly thanked my Aunt for this courtesie, and taking my hat, with a seeming forwardness, pretended to go forth: but clapping to the doo [...] on the insid [...], I softly sneaked back and hid my self under the stairs, where undiscerned I could plainly see all the passages between my Aunt and the Shopkeeper. He thinking us gone, took my Aunt by the hand, and clasping his arm about her neck, fell to kissing her with as much eagerness as a hungry dog snatcheth at a bone, no doubt but her li [...] were very sweet, for he was still hanging at them as if he had taken a lease of them for three lives; at last my Aunt began to struggle (I suppose for want of breath) and opening her mouth (which I wisht a hundred times had been closed eternally) she thus said to him: Nay yish, why do you thus trifle? now that the Coast is clear, let us take time by the fore-lock, lest we be prevented of our design, in sooth you are so long about the prologue, as may chance to marr the Come­dy; make not such a long stop at the porch, but enter loves Cittadel, and ransack all her treasures, and so gi­ving him a short kiss, hand in hand up stairs they went. No sooner were they gone, but I slipt out of my peep­ing hole, and coming to the door at the stairs foot, softly looked the same, and putting the key in my pocket, with as little noise conveyed my self out of the house.

Thus whilst they were playing their game▪ I resolved to play mine, and hiring a Porter, sent him to my Uncle, to certifie him that my Aunt was swounded away, and laid upon the bed in such a condition as would grieve him to the heart to [...]e­hold it, desiring him to make all the ha [...]t home that possibly he could; and having given him his me [...] ­sage, I stept aside to a neighbours house to observe [Page 63] (when my Uncle came home) how the project would take.

The Porter quickly dispatched his errand, and my Uncle suddenly posted home, where entring the hou [...]e and finding not any one within, he began first to call for the Maid, then for me, and last of all for my Aunt; but receiving no answer, he attempted to go up stairs, when the locksmiths daughter denyed him entrance. The two Lovers (who by this time h [...]d verified the saying to be true, that a man may be made a Cuckold in the short t [...]me of going to a Neighbours house, as well as going a voyage to the West-Indies) hearing my Uncle below; were almost distracted with this sur­prize, my Aunt dreaded my Uncles anger, knowing him to be of a very chollerick disposition; and the poor Shopkeeper feared to be served as the Country clown served the Curate whom he took in bed with his Wife, and whom he thus menaced:

Make me a Cuckold, reading Rogue
No Pulpit serve but Susan's,
Must Susans smock your surplice be?
Ile take away that Nusance.
And though Priest wept, and wife did beg,
Churl slighted words and tears.
And at one gash from Curate took
Musket and Bandaliers.

The fear of loosing his Genitals, made him to shake worse than if he had had a Tertian Ague, and there­fore to prevent it he crept underneath the Bed; whilst my Aunt went down stairs intending to smother up all with a dissembling kiss; but when she saw the door was fast, and my Uncle asking her why she locked it? she could not tell what answer to make at [Page 64] present▪ but being well principled in the misteries of Venus, she soon recollected her self, and with a sorrowful voice (as if she had been sick of a Feaver for a fortnight together) she pewled out these words: oh dear Husband (said she) I was lately taken with such a great sweaming in my head, as not able to sit up lo [...]ger, I was forced to go up stairs and lye down upo [...] the bed▪ in the mean time I suppose your unhappy ki [...]s­man (who minds nothing but mischief) hath in revenge of me, for causing him to be beaten locked the door and thrown away the key. Whilst she was thus exclaim­ing on me, I came in puffing and blowing as seeming quite orewearied with play as if ignorant of what had happened, asked very earnestly what was the matter? My Aunt though she were mued up like a hawk, yet hearing my tongue, could not forbear to vend her spleen against me in these words: You impu­dent young Rogue (said she) do you act mischief and then pl [...]ad ignorance? O that I were but well for thy sake, I would make every limb of thee feel the weight of my displeasure, concluding her invective with as hor­rid a yelling as an old Woman grown hoarse with cr [...]ing of Sprats or a company of dogs when they [...]ark at the Moon.

My Uncle who was of the same nature that other Cuckolds a [...]e commonly of, to believe whatsoever their Wives do say unto them: hearing her so posi­tively to affirm it was I that did it he began presently to ransack my pockets for the key, protesting if he found the same about me, he would make me an exam­ple of his severity. But I who always dreaded vvhat might ensue to prevent such after claps, had before bestowed the [...]ame in a house of office. No sooner had my Uncle examined my pockets, (where was not any thing to be found that might do me a prejudice) [Page 65] but I began to enveigh against my Aunts malice in blaming my innocency, and to perswade him it could be no other then some thief, who whilst my Aunt slept, having locked the door, had hid himself in one of the Chambers. This though it carried but little show of probability in i [...], yet the fear of loosing his Mammon made him believe any thing, and therefore presently sent me for a Smith to break open the door which being done, we all three ascended the stairs to search for this hidden thief, although my Aunt vehemently urged the contrary▪ alleadging it was impossible that any one should go up the stairs but she must needs hear them; however my Uncle would not be so pacified, but searching about, he at last spyed the poor Shop-keeper as he lay shaking un­derneath the bed half dead with fear. But when he saw who it was, turned to my Aunt he said You impudent whore, do you abuse me thus? you could feign sickness with a pox to you, when you were so rampant as to Cornut [...] me in my absence; is this your pretended chastity and reservation? I shall take a time when to be even with you; In the mean time Master Shopkeeper (said he) I will have my penny-worths out of you, and thereupon falling on him with his fists, (anger giving him at once both strength and courage) he so buffeted the Shop-keeper, that had not the Smith interposed, I suppose he would go near to have kil­led him▪ but after an hundred or above of blows, the Smith stepped in betwixt them, giving the Shop­keeper liberty to run away, bearing along with him the marks of my Uncles anger, which he wore as badges in his face for a long time after.

My Aunt seeing how bad the Shop-keeper had sped, and knowing the business too apparent to be denied, fell down on her knees, desiring my Uncle [Page 62] to pardon her for what was past, and protesting a­mendment for the time to come; this her humiliation much mollified the edge of my Uncles anger, who instead of beating her (which I heartily wished) fell a railing on the whole Sex of women in general, in these or the like words.

O Nature! why didst thou create such a plague for men as women; how happy were men had they never been; Oh why could not Nature infuse the gift of procreation in men alone without the help of women? then should we never be acquainted with the deceitful devices of those Devils, Harpies, Cockatrices, the very Curse of man, dissembl [...]ng monsters, only patcht up to cozen and gull men; bor­rowing their hair from one, Comp [...]exions from a­nother, nothing their own that's pleasing, all dis­sembled, not so much as their very breath is sophisti­cated with amber pellets and kissing causes, and all to train poor man unto his ruine. A woman she's an Angel at ten, a Saint at fifteen, a Devil at forty, and a witch at fourscore, so stuft with vice as leaves no place for vertue to inhabit; of such crooked conditions, and corrupt actions, that if all the world were paper, the Sea Ink, trees and plants, pens, and all men Clerks, Scribes, and Notaries, yet would all that paper be scribled over, the Ink wasted▪ pens worn to the stumps, and all the Scriveners weary, before they could describe the hundredth part of a womans wickedness, so that I may very well con­clude with the Poet,

There is not one good woman to be found;
And if one were▪ she merits to be Crown'd.

This my uncles invective puts me in mind of a [Page 63] story which I have heard since, concerning the scarcity of good women, that above five hundred years ago there was a great sickness almost throughout the whole world, wherein there dyed forty four milions, eight hundred seventy two thousand, six hundred and eighty three good women, and of bad women only two hundred and fourteen; by reason whereof there ha [...]h been such a scarcity of good women ever since, the whole breed of them being then almost ut­terly extinct

Never was Prentice more subject to a Master then my Aunt was to my Uncle after the discovery of her leachery; his desires were commands, and those commands laws which were by her put in speedy execution, if he bid her go, she would run; do that, it was no sooner said then done, but the greatest mirac [...]e of all was, that if she were never so busie in talking, yet if he said but peace, she would suddenly hold her tongue, which before used to be in per­petual motion and was as hard to be stopped as a stream when it hath over-flown its banks, or the sails of a mill when the wind blows in its greatest violence, so that a serene sky seemed to have succeeded that storm that all things were pacified, and that my Uncle had contente [...]ly put his horns in his pocket.

But though she carried fair weather in her counte­nance, she had storms of revenge in her heart to­wards me; for she did more then conjecture that it was I which had caused her all this mischief; and therefore since she durst not vend her spleen upon me her self, she used the help of her Maid, who brought the same to pass after this manner

One evening (my Uncle being abroad) whilst she, the maid, and I were sitting alone by the fire after some other discourse the maid proffer'd to lay [Page 68] a wager with me that I could not blind solded with my tongue lick forth a six pence from betwixt her breasts, this I thought so ea [...]y a thing to do, that I willingly laid a shilling with her on the same, and presently accorded for to be blinded: which whilst she was doing▪ my Aunt ( [...]s it was before agreed) stepped forth of doors and called in a Boy who was to act their de [...]ign, as also some of the Neighbours to be spe [...]tators of this my folly. Now instead of the maids breasts the Boye [...] hose were put down▪ and his naked breech exposed to be the object for me to lick whch I greedily persued, but presently hear­ing a gigling, and scenting a rank smell, I soon desisted as being very apprehensive what the matter was. But when I was unblinded a [...]d beholding my shame before my eyes, I hung down my bead and look't like a dog that had stole a pudding much blaming my credulity, and bitterly cursing the great cause of that thei [...] joll [...]ty

For a long time after I could not walk the streets, I was [...]o laughed and hooted at by the Boys, my Aunt and t [...]e maid having spread the same abroad in every plac [...] flesh and blood could not endure this, to see my e [...]emies [...] in my shame, so that no­th [...]ng now run in my mind but revenge, the very thought of mis [...]hief was more sweet unto me than Mu [...]adu [...]e and eggs, and from I thought upon a way for to do it. One of our Neighbours (who beared as little love to my Aunt, as she did to me, o [...] loyalty to my Uncle) having a burning Glass, I imparted my project unto him, who applauding my in [...]ention, willingly lent me the same; thus sitted with an Instrument, I soon found out an opportunity [...]o work my revenge. My Aunt being extreamly proud, used to wear Lawn R [...]fs of a great value. [Page 69] One Sun-shiny day, sitting in the Shop a sowing with her lack towards me, I took the burning glass and by attra [...]ing the Sun beams set her Ruffs on a same about her neck, which made her to shreik and bellow m [...]st hideously; whereupon I started up and as if a [...]righted snatched up a payl of dirty water away from the Maid wherewith she vvas washing the Kitchin, and poured the same on my Aunts head; this (though it made her to look like a Bawd that was newly alighted from the Cart wherein she had ridden for the sin of Leachery) did she take as a great courtesie at my hands, having thereby extin­guisht the fire wherein otherwise she might (she said) have perisht; not in the least judging it was I that did it, but imputing it as a just Judgment upon her for her intollerable pride, and vovving thereafter to be more humble in her carriage & loving unto me.

Now tho [...]gh I thought I had plenary satisfaction for my abu [...]e, of my Aunt, yet I resolved that the maid should in no case go scot-free, but that her dis­grace should be equal with mine; Being thus resol­ved, I procured some Emmets Egs by the help of a Country-man; the nature of which are, that being ta­ken in broth, posset, ale, or the like, they [...]ill set the parties so on farting as if they would break their very twatling strings therewith. The very next day after I had gotten them, my Uncle had invited some Guests to dinner wherefore I resolved to put my re­solution in execution then. That morning the maid to stren then her the better to go through her work, had provided her self a Candle she being of the same nature that most women are of, to know very well what is good for themselves) no sooner was her back turned, but I conveyed the Eggs into the same, which she ver [...] freely drank off, but presently her Belly be­gan [Page 70] to wamble and her back-side proclaimed aloud that she was very much troubled with Wind; such loud reports she gave, and so fast they came one af­ter another, that the Good wife in the tale of the Fryer and the Boy, was a meer nothing to her. I could not forbear laughing if I should have been hang [...]d to hear how fast she trumpt it about, vvhich gave her occasion to mistrust that I had done something unto her, but vvhen she vvent to rail at me; her tongue could not be heard for the exceeding noise that she made with her tail. By this time my Aunt was come down off her chamber, but hearing how the Maid talkt to her at both ends, she could not for­bear laughing neither, which vexed the Maid worse then before. My Uncle hearing the great noise that was made, came also to see what was the matter, but Iane (for so was the Maids name) was so ashamed that she could not speak one word for blushing, only that her tail proclaim'd that she had a very great Civil War within her belly: poor Jane did all she could to hold it in, but it would not do, but out it f [...]ew with such impetuosity, that my Uncle could less for­bear then we, but laughed as if he would have split himself. This treb [...]le noise of laughter made Iane to think that we had all conspired against her▪ where­fore she got into her chamber, and notwithstand­ing dinner was to dress, yet locking the door, all the Rhe [...]orick that could be u [...]ed to her, could not prevail with her to quit her Chamber all that day.

Next morning (her body being now in a quiet tem­per) she appeared out of berden but who should then have seen her looks might plainly perceive how anger and shame strove which should have most predomi­nancy in her, at first her clack began to go, but my [Page 71] Aunt pacifying her, she fell to her work as she was accustomed. Now overnight I had so divulg'd it a­mong the boys, that when that forenoon she was sent to market, she had not been far out of doors, but she had a hundred boys at her heels, farting with their mouths, and making such loud hoots and hollows that she was forced to return back again, where inclosing her self within her chamber till night, she packt up her cloaths, and in the dusk of the Evening departed away whither I never saw her afterwards.


Some abuses of Chyrurgions, the knavery of Tapsters, Hostle [...]s, and Chamberlains; with a brief character of a drunken Host.

HAving now attained to about twelve years of age my Uncle began to instruct me somewhat in his art of Chyrurgery, intending when I had attained to some small perfection therein▪ to send me to Sea, although my mind never stood that way, resolving not to be mue [...]d up in a wooden Cage, where there was but some few inches distance continually betwixt me and death. In this small tract of time that I was thus employed with my Uncle, I found out much cun­ningness in his art whereby to gain mony, for if it were but a prickt finger, he would make a great mat­ter of it and tell you what danger you had been in if you had but staid a minute longer instancing how such [Page 72] a one his Patient by only cutting of a Corn, and draw­ing blood is turned to a Gangreen, which by bad handling of unskilful Chyrurgions growing worse and worse, they were at last inforced to send for him, who in a few days made him perfectly sound; that o­therwise (had he not come to him) must inevetably have perisht.

Now because monyed Customers were something rare, when they did come we made b [...]th their bodies and purses smart for it, lengthning out the healing of their wounds, the better to wiredraw their purses, Indeed we were not so much beholding to the Wars, as we were to the Stews, unless sometimes a Tavern quarrel brought us a Patient; but then what a brave incitement we had to make him part with his money, telling him he might recover that and ten times more of his Adversary, that we would be witness for him, and that if he had not met with a skilful Chyrurgeon, it would have cost him his life; when as perhaps it was but a little scratch, his [...]lock-head being too hard for [...]o receive any deep wound.

One story of a Patient I shall relate, not so much to show the rarity of his cure, but the malice of a woman which occasioned his hurt.

The fellow by his profession was a Plaisterer, who had a most damnable scold to his Wife. That used to fetch him from the Ale-house with a Hor [...]e-pox; one night coming home three quarters drunk, she acted the part of Zantippe and made the house to ring with her s [...]lding; th [...]s musick was so untur [...]e in her Husban [...]s ears that getting a Cudgel in his hands, he fell to belabouring her as Seamen do stock fis [...], until he made her to ask him forgiveness, and promise him never to [...]cold so again: Having thus as he t [...]ought [Page 73] got an absolute conquest over her tongue, he went quietly to bed, where he slept soundly whilst she lay awake studying of mischief. In the morning bef [...]re he wake't she examin'd his pockets for mony [...] common tricks of a great many Women) but [...] nothing in them, save only some lath-nails, [...] did she take and set upright all a [...]out the Cha [...]er [...] which done she gets a pail of water in her hand [...], and calling aloud, commands him to rise, which he refu­sed to do she throws the pail of water upon the bed, this so vext him that starting suddenly up, he went to run after her, when his naked feet lighting upon the lath nails, he was forced to slacken his pace, being so mortified with them, that for three quarters of a year afterwards he lay under my Uncles hands.

But to return where I left. I had not been long at the Trade, when my Uncle one day walking down to Wapping, provided me of a Master to go to Sea, which (as [...] told you before) I was fully resolved a­gainst, and therefore very peremptorily I told him that I would not go, which so incensed him that he vowed that I should not stay any longer in his house, I was the less troubled at his words, becau [...]e the day before I had heard of a Tapster in an Inn not far off that wanted a Boy; thither therefo [...]e went I and proffered my service unto him, which he as readily accepted, and the same night was I entertained into the House, he having heard the cause of my depar­ture from my Uncle, for which he rather blamed him than me.

Now was I in my Kingdom having store of com­pany, and my fill of strong drink, which two things I dearly loved. I applyed my self to my calling very diligently, and soon learned to cry [...] [Page 75] Sir, and By and by, with as much alacrity as the best Tapsters Boy in [...]hristendom. My Master taught me how to nick the Canns and f [...]oth the Jugs and with the crotched chalk to score up two flaggons for one, and I quickly found the way when Company was d [...]inking to take away flaggons before they were half empty▪ and full Tobacco-pipes amongst the foul ones. When Company first came in, I always ob­served to bring them of the best liquor, but when they were half drunk, then that which run on [...]ilt, or the drappings of the ta [...] should serve their turn; if they found fault, I would take it away to change it, but nevertheless they should be sure to pay for it, as if they had drunk it:

One thing I observed of my Master; that if the Reckoning once came to be above three shillings, he would be sure to bring in 6 pence or eight pence more than it was, then when the Company were going a­way he would say Nay stay Gentlemen and take my half dozen Cans before you go, which most commonly produced another reckoning, the Gentlemen know­ing not how to retalliate his kindness without doing so, by this means getting their money with thanks to boot. If Gentlemen brought Tobacco of their o [...]n, we would say it stunk were it never so good, and feigning a Cough as if half stifled cry out, Who is [...]t that takes of this stinking stuff? this is enough to s [...]ffo­cate the Devil. Which would make some Gentlemen to throw away their pipes and say. Pox on this Gro­c [...]r he hath cheated me damnably come give us three p [...]pes of your Tobacco, which when they have had they wou [...]d commend for superexcellent although perhaps twelve pence in the pound worse than his own, by which may be proved that Tobacco is nothing e [...]se but a meer fancy.

[Page 75]I seeing my master cozen Gentlemen so frequently thought with my self that I might cozen them al [...], or at least wise cozen my Master who so often cozened others, being warranted thereto by that of the Poet.

Cozen the Cozener, commonly they be
Profain, let their own snare their ruine be.

And therefore when he was out of the way, to the reckoning, I would add a groat, six pence, eight pence, or twelve pence, according as it was in bigne [...]s which yet I would also score up, lest if he came in the way before it was paid and should tell the score, I might be mistrusted; but i [...] I received the money be­fore he came, then the over-plus went into my pocket▪ which could not be discovered when the chalk was wiped out.

In Summer, when people drank in Cans, if my Master were in company (as oft-times he was invited by Guests to drink with them) we had a Can with a false bottom that held not above a quarter of a pint, which in the delivery of them I always so ordered as that Can came to his hands, which he would drink off leisurely, and then turning the bottom upwards, it past undiscerned, saving thereby much beer in a day keeping himself sober to drink in other companies.

In Winter for mornings draughts we furnished our Guests with Gravesend toasts, which is bread toasted over night, our plenty of Guests not permitting us to do it in the morning; if we put any of them into drink before our Guests (as sometimes we were for­ced to do) we would be sure to warm the beer or ale before-hand, and in putting in the toast cry siz [...], although it were as cold as a stone.

[Page 76]But my Ma [...]ter and I were not all the cozeners that belonged to the Inn, the Hostler claimed as great a share in that mistery as we. His chief cunning con­sisted in tallowing Horse-teeth that they should not eat no Hay, or when a Gentleman gave his Horse oats no sooner was his back turned, but he would steal them half away telling the Gentleman, his Horse must [...] [...]av [...]d w [...]ll [...] his Meat. If a Gentle­mans saddle we [...] any thing [...]orn he would be sure to make it so [...]ad, that he could not ri [...]e no further with it without mending, as also to spoil the shooes on the Horses feet, that he must be forced to have new ones, for which he had pensions from the Smith a [...]d the Sadler.

Nor m [...]st I here forg [...]t the Chamberlain, who d [...]served to be rancked with the foremost for Ro­guery; he was a [...]ly thief, and used to cheat Guests with foul sheets, p [...]etending them to be clean, when as they had been lain in three or four times, and then a little water strowed on them▪ and foulded up and prest▪ made them seem as if new washt. He w [...]s a very diligent observer of Gentlemens Cloak- [...]ags▪ whether they had good si [...]ver linings in them o [...] no which if he found to be ponderous, his next [...]re was to inquire what Country men they were, which way they travelled, and the like, which having found, he gave intelligence accordingly to a Gang of Highway-men, with whom he was in con­tinual pay.

These were the Servants that belonged to this [...] such a parcel of Canary-birds as well deserved [...] look through a Hempen Ca [...]ement at the three [...]er'd renement in the High-way betwixt London and [...] too. Were not tho [...]e Guests well blest [...]nk ye, which hapned in such a place where none [Page 77] but knaves, thieves, and cheate [...]s were their atten­dants? Now you cannot but imagine that the Master of such Servants was well worthy of his place, I shall [...]herefore only give you a brief cha­racter of the Host him [...]elf, and so preceed on in my discourse.

He seemed by his bulk to be of the race of the old Gyants, and though his belly were not so big as the run at He [...]a [...]burgh, yet a flaggon of beer therein seemed no more then a man in [...]auls. He commanded with as much imperiousness, as if he were the great Cham of Tartaria, and had an excellent faculty to strut along the streets with the top of his staff bob­bing against hi [...] [...]ips, he could call the young wenches Whores with a great grace; and when he took to­bacco, his mouth vented smoak like the funnel of a Chimney. He much blamed the E [...]glish for affecting to drink Wine preferring beer and ale before all for­raign liquors whatsoever. To show his loving na­ture he would drink with all companies, and would toss off a Can with celerity and dexterity. He would not be jealous, though he saw another man kis­sing his Wife, knowing such her familiarity to be the greatest [...]o [...]d-stone that attracted Guests to his ho [...]se in sum his forenoons work was to scoop in beer by the Quart and the most part of the afternoon to spend in sleeping.

In this house I wasted away my time nigh three quarters of a year, but then a sad accident befel my Master, which left me again to shift for my self; he had belike [...]een dabling in private with Prudence, one of the maids belonging to the house, I know not what the business was, but she looked so bigly on him that he could not endure her sight, and there­fore to avoid it, he privately put off his C [...]llar to [Page 78] another, and having received his money, marched off [...]cognito, leaving me to t [...]e wide world; for this new Tapster having a boy of his own, dismissed me to shift for my self.


The cheats of Cooks, a story of the Spirit in the Buttery, he steals a silver bowl▪ the Cozenages of Astrologers, the death of his Father being k [...]lled in a drunken brangling, the abuses of Nurses, and keepers of sick people, his Master dyeth, the knavery of his Executor both in his Trade and Office; he lives with a Lock-smith, the knavery of that trade.

LOng I was not without a Master, being enter­tained into a Cooks service, of which I rejoyced not a little, being in good hope however the World went, that I should not be starved in a Cooks shop, one extraordinary priviledge I had by living in this service, for if the old Proverb be true, that the [...] bone, the sweeter the flesh, then I always eat of the sweetest dyet, my dyet being to pick the bones that came off of Gentlemens Tables. During the time that I lived here, although I had been a young wench, I should not needed to have feared being troubled wi [...]h the Green sickness, running up [...]nd down stairs so many score times in a day would have cured me of that malady those that had seen my nimbleness would have absolutely judged that my shooes were made of [Page 79] cork, I was as light heel [...]d as she who hath made her Husband a Cucko [...]d seven and twenty times over. My Master drave a great trade, not only in boil'd meat and roast meat, but also in baking small pies, which the Women cryed up and down the streets for him. Every Friday I observed we had brought in a Porters basket full or two of pieces of raw meat, which though me thought they smelt very unsavoury, yet were they made use of, some minced, others pepper [...]d and salted, and put into pie, ere the week went about they all marcht off. I wondred for a great while from whence this meat came at last I was informed by one of the Prentices, that it was such pieces as were cut off the stinking raw hides, that were brought into Lea [...]e [...] ­hall to sell there on Fridays; bless me thought I, what deceit is here! then did I think on the old Proverb, that the blind eats many a fly. No marvel that sick­nesses are so ri [...]e since such unw [...]olsome food must needs introduce them. Now because those pieces of meat were lean and dry, they used to mix with them such fat pieces of meat as Gentlemen left, adding thereto some dripping, and such like stuff, which all together made a gallant hodg podg for hun­gry stomacks.

To roast meat twice over is so commonly now used amongst most Cooks that I think I shall not need to mention this as a rarity in my Master; and yet would not that, nor what I mentioned before, nor his buying of Carrion, such meat as would have dyed alone had it not been killed, being diseased or maimed▪ and selling it for good; all this (I say) vvould not do, notvvithstanding all his great pains, but still he vvent backvvards in the World, vvhich puts me in mind of a story that I have heard some vvhile ago, con­cerning an evil spirit that haunts the houses of such [Page 80] persons who use unconscionable vvays vvhereby to grow rich, which though it be nothing as con­c [...]rning my life, yet I think it not amiss to relate the same, as being not altogether impertinent to our pu [...]pose.

In the City of Bristol (a place which may c [...]m­pare vvith the choicest o [...] England for the fairness of the buildings, and richness of trading) vvithin the memory of our Fathers, there lived a you [...]g man named Fra [...]cisco who although Prentice to a Baker, yet when his Time came out set up the Trade of a [...]ook. This young man was very desirous to gain a great Estate quickly, and so impatient he was of be­ing rich on a sudden, that he resolved to leave no means unattempted which should lye in his way whereby he might effect his desire, for so [...]e might gain▪ he stood not upon what means whereby he might do it▪ bad infected meat he sold for good, nickt h [...]s Cans froath his Jugs, scored up two flaggons for one, yea what not? but all his endeavours arrived [...] to that height which he expected for notvvith­s [...]anding he went forvvard in Trading, do what he could he went ba [...]kwards in thriving. This Francisco had a Priest to his Uncle, that lived about some 20 miles off him▪ vvho had bestovved some small matter on him vvhen his Time came out vvhere [...]y to set him up and tvvo years being expired he repaired to his Nephevv to see hovv fortune had favoured him, and vvhether he had made any improvement of that little he had given him. The Nephevv entertained him kindly, and feasted him royally, but vvhen his Uncle asked him hovv the World vvent vvith him, he could not chuse but sigh, telling him vvhat endeavours he had u [...]ed whereby to increase his Estate▪ but that all p [...]ved fruitle [...]s. Ah Cozen (said the old Man) [Page 81] come along with me, and I will show you the thief that steals away all your gains, and thereupon ta­king him by the hand he led him into the Cellar, where when they were come, they beheld a big fel­low vvith a paunch like a tun, his eyes strutting out vvith fatness, his thighs like to mill-posts so un­vveildy that he could hardly go: there they saw him gurmandizing on the cold meat th [...]t was left, devour­ing more in a minute then six hungry Plough-men could do in half an hour: after he had so eaten, he takes a flaggon in his hand, and of the best beer, svval­lovvs dovvn five or six of them full one after another, vvhich being done he vanisht avvay: this Cousin (said the Priest) is the Spirit of the Buttery, vvho so long as you use unconscionable vvays by cheating of people, hath povver over vvhat you have, vvhich he vvill so invisibly devour, that do vvhat you can for th [...] gaining of an estate, it is but all in vain; and therefore if you intend to thrive, you must take a clean contrary course to vvhat you have done, and by dealing honestly, there is no question but a blessing will follow upon your endeavours.

The young man promised very faithfully to do according to his Uncles directions, who thereupon returned home again: accordingly when his Uncl [...] was gone▪ he began to work a thorow reformation, bought of the best meat, sold good penny-worths, filled his flaggons, scored right, and dealt justly in all his acting, doing this, he quickly begins to thrive in the world, grows rich, purchases house and land, and hath a great stock by him besides; in so much that his wealth being taken notice of, he was soon after chosen one of the Aldermen of the City. His Uncle afterwards comes again to visit him, to whom he relates his change of condition, [Page 82] and how God had blest him with a plentiful estate Now Cousin (said the old Priest) let us again visit your Cellar; when they came there, they beheld a thin, lean, meager fac'd fellow, one that seemed more like an Anatomy than a man; his ribbs ap­peared through his Cloathes, his eyes were sunk into his head, his cheeks look [...]d like to shriveld parchment, and his legs (which were no bigger than cat-sticks that boys use at trap-ball) were so, weak as would hardly support his body. He went to a platter of cold meat, but had not strength enough to lift it up to his head; afterwards he assayed to draw some beer, but could not pul the tap out of the fasset, so that seeing his endeavours were in vain, with a deep sigh he vanisht away. Now Nephew (said the old Priest) you may plainly perceive what it was that hindred you from thriving before and therefore now since you are throughly instructed whereby to be rich, I shall take my leave of you, wishing with all my heart that all of your profession would leave off their cheating and cozening tricks▪ and take the same course of life whereby to thrive as you have done.

Now, said he, what think you of this discourse? is this quite besides the matter or no? in truth (quoth) I, I think it is very pertinent to the purpose, and I wish all tradesmen would follow the example, for when they have done all they can; they will find in the end that honesty is the best policy, and to deal justly the high-way to grow rich: the best bed-fellow to sleep with is a good conscience, and well doing (were there no reward for it in the world to come) yet were it a sufficient recompence in it self. But lea­ving this discourse, as that which is rather to be wish­ed for, than ascertained to be practised in this evil age [Page 83] of ours▪ let me entred you to proceed in the discourse of your life, as a thing whithal much desire to hear.

That shall I gladly do, said hed know then that after I had been at this tooks som [...] small space of time, my Father returned home from being a Sol­dier, in that Voyage he was prest out as I told you of before, now though he did not go out full, he re­turned home more empty than he went out; without cloaths, and without money to buy any; and which was worst so pinched with hunger, that he looked like a scare-crow, or one newly risen from the dead. It grieved my heart to see him in this condition, but how to remedy it I did not know; some little money I had which was left of that I [...]nipt in the Tapsters ser­vice, which I very reely bestowed upon him, but a­las that was gone as soon almost as received, and I having no more to supply him, he asked me if we had no Plate, that went about house? I told him we had; then (said he) to furnish me, you must at such a time as your house is full of Guests upon their going away convey a silver bowl into a secure place, which you may afterwards deliver for me to one whom I will send for that purpose, for I will not come to your house my self, because there shall be no suspition of me: I promised him to do as he bid me, appointing him the time when he should send the man, which was the next day, accordingly he came and I delivered him a large silver bowl, which he carried cleverly away. At night when my Master came to lock up his plate, the best bowl was missing, which put all the house into disorder, my Master swore, my Mistress scolded the Servants grumbled but who to blame not any one could tell; onely the maid said she saw it in my hand that afternoon for which I wisht her [...]ongue in a clest stick, but stoutly denyed that I had [Page 84] seen it that day: indeed my Master had a great con­ceit of my honesty or else her bawling might have discovered me, for had they charg'd me with it strong­ly, I should not have had the impudence to have stood out in the denyal of it, having that within me which strongly checked me for doing it. But after some small inquisition about it, it was generally agreed that some of the Guests had stollen it away; then next was inquiry made what several companies we had that day, and which of them was the most to be sus­pected; but the more they thought, the worse they were satisfied not one appearing more probable than another; therefore it was agreed by a general con­sent, that the next morning the maid and I should go to a cunning Astrologer about it, one who was cryed up for art to be little inferior to Fryer Bacon, for though he could not make a brazen head to speak, yet he had such a brazen face of his own, as could out fac [...] the Devil himself for lying.

I was not afraid to go, though I knew my own [...]uilt, because I always judged that Art to be a meer cheat, and though they lay their nets very plausibly to take the people; yet they seldom catch any but owls and wood-cocks. Knocking at the door, Master Astrologer came out unto us so wraped up in his Pur­ple Gown that you could scarcely see ere an honest limb of him; he had on his head a black cap with a white one under it, which was turned up some part over the black one, that it looked like a black Jack tipt with silver. After we had discovered our busi­ness unto him, he told us the price of his Art vvas a shilling whether he found out the thief or no; we knew it was in vain for us to contend with him, and therefore we very freely gave it him, by which he perceived that the stars were very au [...]pitious to him [Page 85] in that hour, or else (for ought I know) he might have gone without his mornings draught. When he had received our money he very formally set himself down in a Chair, having a piece of white-paper be­fore him, and then taking a pen in his hand, he made thereon several Triangles and Quadrangles, with o­ther Crotchets and Whimsies which he called the twelve Houses. Jupiter said he being Lord of the As­cendent, signifies good luck for the gaining your Cup a­gain, did not Mars interpose with an evil aspect to­wards Mercury. Now Venus being on the fiery Trigon denotes the party that had it lives either East or West; and Saturn being Retrograde, and in the Cusp of Tau­rus, it must needs be that it is hidden under ground ei­ther North or South. Then asked he us if there were not a red hair'd man there that day? vve told him no, nor a black hair'd man neither said he? vve still an­swer'd no; nor vvas there not (said he) a brovvn hair'd man there, with grey Cloaths, not very tall, nor very low? we told him yes; then asked he us if we knew him or no? we answered no. The Sun said he being ill posited in the eleventh House, and Mercury in Trine with Virgo, it was without all doubt a brown haired man that had your bowl. Then asked I him if it might not be a woman as well as a man? this put him something to his trumps, but when the maid said that could not be, for there was never a strange woman there all that day; he grew bold and answered no; for Venus said he being weak in reception with Gemini, and the Moon in her detriment, both Feminine Planets does plainly tell that it was a man, and one betwixt for­ty and fifty years of age. Upon my life said the Maid, I saw the party that had it, he was a curled pated fel­low, with a whitish cloak and a sad coloued suit about 30 years of age, he dined in the half Moon, and had six [Page 86] worth of roast Beef to his dinner but if ever I see the Rogue agen ile teach him to steal bowls with a murrain to him I could not chuse but laugh to my self at the wenches confidence and the chea [...] of the Astrologer, and to think how poor silly people are cozened by these Jugling-Artists; for no better term can I give them as believing no truth at all in their praedictions; for let me ask them this question, whe­ther the Stars do compel or only encline? if they say they compel, they speak little less than blasphemy, by ascribing too much to Nature, and derogating from the Deity. If they only enclined then what sure ground work can there be for what they say, when their conjectures are but only probable? And for their Doctrine of nativities that if a man be born u [...]der such a Planet, his destiny will be so and so, and he will come to such an end; we see oft times that in a barrel [...]a Canon bullet kills five or six at one instant, who no doubt were born under several Planets, and yet come all to one fate; or if they say it is possible so many might be born under one and the self same Pla­net and aspects; yet let me go further with them; we have known battels at Sea, when by an unhappy shot a ship hath sunk in an instant with six or seven hundred men in her, who have all been drowned in the deep. Will they say thes [...] were all born under one Planet▪ [...]terily if they should so say, I should not believe them therefore I may say of but Astro­logers as Gato said of the Aruspices of Rome [...] his time, that he wondred how one of them could forbear to laugh, when he me [...] with any of his fellow [...], to see how they deceived [...] bid made a great number of simple ones in the City. But I hire your patience with this digression; for I expect not my words will work any Reformation in them seeing they may say with [Page 87] Demetrius in the Acts of the Apostles that by this Craft they get their wealth.

To return therefore where we left, hav [...]ng taken leave of the Astrologer, away we went home again fraught with a Sackful of news to tell our Master. No sooner were we within doors, but the Maid set her clack agoing; Master (said she) the Cunning man hath told us exactly who it was that stole your bowl; he hath described him fully from top to toe, not so much as his very shoostring but he told us of what co­lour they were of, his hat, his hair, his beard his doublet breeches, hose, not one thing that he omitted I served the Rogue that stole it with Roast-Beef my self, the Devil choak him with it, for I think silver will not; but if ever he comes here again or that I meet him in the streets, ile serve him such a trick us shall make him wish he had never drank out of any thing in his life but a wooden dish. I said nothing all this while; and though I knew she lied most abominably in what the Astro­loger said, yet I confirmed her speeches, hoping this would for ever take away suspition from me of being culpable, only I thought with my self if that party she imagined to have it should come again to the House, what a coil she would make with him: but whether he forgot his Physiognomy, or that the man never came there again; I never after that heard any more of the matter:

In the mean time my father had disposed of the purchased prize, bought him an old suit with some part of the money, and ranted it in the Ale-house with the rest of it, for what is this gotten over the Devils back is for the most part spent under his bel­ly. At last his sinful life had a Tragical conclusion for one of his Comrades and he being sudling toge­ther they chanced to fall out, and from words [Page 88] proceeded to blows, where my Father received such a knock on his pate with a flaggon, that though it kil­led him not out-right yet he survived not long after; making his end answerable to his life: for as he led a troublesome life all the days he lived, so he put the Parish to some trouble at his death, who were forced to be at the charge of burying him.

I was the less grieved for the death of my Father, knowing, if he had lived he would have brought me to the Gallows for he would have been always in want, and urging me to supply him, which I could not do any other ways then by theft; but that now he was dead I resolved q [...]ite to give over the practice of it, for fear in the end, it should bring me to look through a hempen casement. And now I bent all my endea­vours to please my Master, knowing I had few friends to rely upon; I was up with the first, and down with the last, and refused no work I was set unto, and I found the benefit of my diligence at last, for it plea­sed God to visit our Family with the Pestilence, which in a weeks space, swept away all the whole Houshold but my Master and I. In this Weeks time I observed the abuses and cheats of Nurses and Keep­ers, such who look to people who are visited with the sickness.

Two of these Jades we had in our house, who when my Mistriss lay distracted with the distemper; took away her keys and ransack't her Trunks, from whence they took a purse full of Money, most of it Gold▪ which she had gathered unknown to my Ma­ster▪ intending to keep it for her further need, (or as we say) against a rainy day, Thus these Jades con­vey [...]d away together, with a great deal of the best linnen in the house, which was done by the help of the Watch-man that guarded the door, who was [Page 65] son in law, to one of the Queans; and now that my Master might not discover their theft, they sent her of an Errant to her long home, by giving her drinks and other slops, quite contrary to what the Physiti­ans prescribed, by the same way they dispatched the Maid, and the Prentices, with a little Girl, the only Child my Master had; and now was none remaining but my Master and I, whom they intend­ed should have followed after the rest, then they might have plundred without controul, but I see­ing how soon my fellows were gone, and observing that they all dyed presently after they had received any of their slops, would have nothing to do with them, perswading my Master to do the like, affirm­ing it [...]ven before their faces, that they were the per­sons that had killed my Mistress and the rest, and would if let alone, make a hand of us too. But these impudent Jades hearing me begin to discover their villanies, would have perswaded my Master that I was also infected, and that it had already taken my brain, which caused me to talk so idly, and so began to seize upon me, intending to have tyed me into a bed, which if they had done I should never have come out of it alive, but my Master interposing bid them let me alone, for he himself was of the same mind with me. These bold Queans hearing him say so, one of them flew at him, you old dotard [...]aid she, do you begin to talk idly too, we must tame y [...]u yfaith, and so attempted to pull him down, whilst the other was as busie with me: my Master and I strug­ling with them what we could: but perceiving them to be too hard for us (for they were two stout Ma­stiff Queans) we got to the Window and cryed as loud as we could, and thereby gathered a great ma­ny people together to know what was the matter, [Page 90] to vvhom vve related the great danger we were in of being murdered by the two Women that were with us, desiring by all means, that we might be rid of them, they being the greatest plague we were infected withal at the present; and whom we dreaded as much as death it self; Amongst others that came (alarmed by this outcry) was [...] Shoomaker that lived not far off who was near of kin to my Master, and thought himself no mean fellow; he being at that time Over­feer of the Poor, this man kept a great bustle, com­manding the door to be broken open; which being done with as much imperiousness as a Countrey Justice domineers over a hedge-breaker, he com­mands the two Women to depart out of the house, which they (being conscious of a self guilt) according­ly did to the no little joy of my Master and me, who fear'd we should have perish [...]d under their merciless hands.

Being rid of these two Harpyes, I was more than double diligent towards my Master, well hoping that Death with his beesom would sweep him away also, which I judged the rather could come to pass; because the thread of his life was spun out to a fair g [...]eater length than mine, not at all considering, that the Pestilence m [...]kes no difference betwixt age, and youth; or if it doth sooner seizes upon youth than age, as ha [...]ing more matter to work upon. But I was so confi [...]ent that my Master vvould die, and that I should live; that I vvould rather perform all offices tovvards him, than to admit of a partner to plunder the House vvith me vvhen he vvas dead. But three days being passed, and no alteration at all ap­pearing in him, I began then t [...] alter my opinion, and feared he vvould escape and not have it at all and therefore I began to cast my Wits about, and [Page 91] consider vvith my self vvhat I had best to do; novv I knevv conceit vvould do much vvith him, and there­fore I first begun to tell him, that he looked very ill as of a sudden asking if he felt no alteration in his body? vvhich at first he said, no; but aftervvards upon my persuasions that he must needs be sick, he soon grew conceited that he was so indeed, in so much, that at last I told him, that he had the per­fect symptomes of a dying man upon him; those words struck him to the very heart, that without further delay he went to the Window, called for a Porter, and sent him for the Shoomaker I spake of before to come to him presently, and bring a Scrive­ner along with him. I asked him what he would do with a Scrivener? but when he told me it was to make his Will. I wa [...] ready to swound, fearing he would take an inventory of his Goods al [...]o, and so hinder my pilfering when he was dead, for I was now fully minded to thieve from him what I could, notwithstanding my resolution but a little before to leave it off, I feared to be known for stealing the sil­ver boul [...]; so hard it is for those that are principled in wickedness▪ to leave off that vice they ha [...]e been accustomed unto; however I praised him for his care therein, that he would settle his mind as to outward affairs, they might be no hinderance to his more pious thoughts, which now should be bent alto­gether to Heaven-wards.

Scarce had I made an end of praising his good intentions but that the Shoomaker and the Scrive­ner were come, to whom out of the Window he de­clared his mind for the disposing of his estate, First he commended his Soul unto Heaven, and his Body to Earth, vvhich I vvished had been racked up in it, before the Scrivener came. Next (said he) for the [Page 92] good and faithful service he hath done me, I be­queath to my Boy Gregory (for that is my name) the sum of twenty pounds, whereof ten pound to be bestowed on him in Schooling, the other ten pound to buy him Cloaths, and put him out to Apprentice to some Handicraft Trade. I hearing my Master to say this, could not but reflect upon my monstrous Ingra­titude that I should go to kill him that was so kind to me, and had so much care for my future livelyhood; but covetousness cancels all obligations, and therefore is well termed the Spring head of all ungodliness. Next (said he) I bequeath to the poor of the Parish wherein I live, the sum of fiv [...] pounds, three pounds thereof to be laid out on cloaths for them, to make them apparel, and bestowed on [...]uch as my Executor shall see most needful, and the other forty shillings to be laid out in bread for them, and to be distributed the next four Sundays after my decease, each Sunday alike till it be out. The rest of his estate he gave unto the Shoomaker, whom he made his full and sole Executor, giving him a great charge to be careful on me, and so having subscribed, and sealed it, he betook him to his bed, as prepared to die, and free leave he had to go, both of me and the Shoomaker also.

To hasten him on the more; I perswaded him to sweat, which he was willing to do, so I covered him with as many Cloaths, as he was able to bear, and being in a violent sweat, he called for some strong Waters, whereupon I went to the Pump and filled him a pint of such sober liquor as that yeilded, and brought it to him; which having tasted, he asked me what I had brought him? I told him it was ex­cellent good white anny seed, he said, it tasted like fair water; I told him, that was only the badness [Page 93] of his Pallet which could not distinguish any thing; truly (said he) it tasteth so small, that I think you may leave the word Anny seed out and call it only white-water. Yet notwithstanding this he found such fault, his parching thirst caused him to drink it all off, which gave such a sudden chill to his blood, that what with that and some other slops that I gave him, in three days time he turned up his heels and dyed.

No sooner was his breath out of his body, but I began to put in execution what before I had intended and first I examined his pockets, wherein I found the sum of fourteen shillings and nine pence; eleven shillings whereof I took, leaving some▪ that I might not be suspected to have taken any, but this was no­thing to vvhat I thought to find in his Trunck, vvhich I opened with an expectation to have mine eyes blest vvith the sight of store of vvhite and yellovv pieces, but the clouds dropped no such rain, the Trunk cour­ted not me as Iupiter did Diana vvith a Golden shovvre; some plate vvas in it, some Bonds and other Writings, but no money. This vvas a shrevv'd cool­ing card to my high hopes; vvhich promised me Mountains and performed not mole-hills; for as for the plate the Executor knevv of each piece in the house, and Bills and Bonds signified no more to me, than meat an hungry man vvhich he might see and not come at; vvherefore seeing it vvould be no better, I armed my self vvith patience, considering I had not lost by his death, he having given me twenty pound for the bringing me up to some learning and putting me out Apprentice, by which I hoped to be suffici­ently able to live in the World; and therefore have­ing secured the eleven shillings in the Coller of my doublet (mistrusting my pockets might be search­ed) [Page 94] I called for a messenger, and sent the Executor word of his death, not bidding him to have a care of frighting him in the delivering of his message, for I did not think the sudden news of his death would make him to break his heart with sorrow, there vvas less fear in that, then of a Userer undoing a young Heir, vvhen he once gets him into bonds. He having received the nevvs, he made no long tarriance before he came to me, bringing a couple of old Women a­long vvith him to search the dead corps, that an ac­count might be given vvhat he dyed of, vvhich is a thing (you knovv) is usual. But before I proceed any further (having occasion here to speak of these searchers) give me leave to mention some abu [...]es, and cheats vvhich I have observed to be practiced by them.

They are indeed very necessary, especially in great Cities, that an account may be given of what diseases people dye of, and that men may not have their lives shortned by violence, which appearing af­ter their deaths, may be by them discovered; but these women have their cheats too, for notwithstanding they are sworn to give a true information to the Parish Clarks; yet mony can so blind their eyes, that if a man be poysoned, they can bring it in that he died of the French-Pox; and though a house be visited with the sickness, yet if the Master thereof be unwilling to be shut up for loosing his trading, if he do but greaze them in the fist with some mony they will make the Pestilence to be surfeit, and the spotted feaver (which is little inferiour to the Plague) the Swine-pox, and sometimes the Measles; nay once I knew two of those Searchers that for money brought it in, that the party who had the spotted feaver, died of nothing else but the tooth-ach: Thus you see that it is an undeniable [Page 95] maxime, that there is Knavery in all trades, people being now grown so villanous in their practices, that they make the very dead to be accessary to their Cheats.

But to return to my story: The Shoomaker stand­ing in the street, whilst the Women came in, called to me, and bid me if any of the Trunks were open, to lock them up; and throw the keys down to him which I accordingly did, the fear of loosing his Mammen making him to dispence with any danger that might accrew to him by taking the keys. That night was my old Master buried, and a fortnight after (the Bedding and Cloaths being aired in the mean time, and I continuing sound) I was removed to his house, where I took special notice of his great care in performing my Masters Will, and first for the three pounds that was given to buy the poor Cloaths, he bestowed the same on two suits for his own Boys, proving it to be the Will of the dead it should be so; for (said he) they are poor who are in want; and his Sons wanting cloaths therefore they were to be reckoned in the num­ber of the poor, and policy bids us this, always to provide for our own poor first. Then for the bread, he ordered with the Baker so, that for every ten dozen, he would have a twelve penny-loaf, and yet were they made fifteen to the dozen, vvhich over-pluss above twelve, he also took to himself, so that the penny loaves shrunk to the bigness of half penny ones, and only for the name there was no difference. I seeing how he had dealt by the poor, thought with my self that my Legacy would shrink also like Northern Cloath in the wetting, and my twenty pound come to twenty shillings; but vvhilst I had cause for my self, I vvould not complain of [Page 99] his dealing by others, and therefore expected the event with patience.

Soon after I was set to School with a fellow that went in black Cloathes, and therefore taken for a man of learning becau [...]e so habited; this man and his Schol­lars were both of one mind, for he cared not how little he taught them for there money, and they cared not how little they learned for it; but I who had friends to rely on for bestowing any thing upon me afterwards, resolved not to neglect opportunity, but to gaine what learning I could thinking it might stand me in great stead another day, and therefore I so plyed my book, that in a short time I could read English very perfectly, and had some skill in writing and casting accounts.

During this time that I went to school, I plyed not my book so altogether, but that I observed some practices of the shoomaker, both in his trade and in his office; and first for his trade, I saw he used two sorts of leather, whereof was mens leather, which was strong, fast and would last well, the other he called womans leather, which was not half taned, and would not last ten miles going; this last sort of leather (because it was cheap) he used most, especially in womens shooes and the inner soles of mens? and somtimes I observed that if the inner soles were to little he would slit them in the middle to make them appear on both sides, and at other times with his teeth he would strech his leather as for gain he would streach his Consience, Then for his office, for the bread that was given to poor at the Church on Sunday, he had a weekly fee from the Baker for his custom; and for other gifts that were to be distributed (as there was some Quarterly) that poor man that received them, [Page 97] must either do a days vvork grat [...]s for him, or else present [...]im vvith some gift vvorth half of vvhat he vvas to receive, or else he vvas sure to go vvithout it; so that in respect of his office, these verses of Withe [...]s vvere very applicable unto him:

The Poor's neglector, O I pardon crave.
Collector I should say, may play the knave:
The f [...]el I would have said▪ but chuse you whether
He may be both, and so he may be neither.

[...]ut before I had been at School long, my Guar­dian told me, the ten pound vvas out for my board, (for I paid a Roast-meat price for my dyet, although I fed most commonly on bread and cheefe) and therefore I must prepare to go to Prentice; I thought it vvas in vain to contend vvith him, and therefore bid him provide me a master as soon as he vvould for I vvas vvilling I told him to go. He quick­ly heard of one (for bad masters are as easie to be found as bad servants) one that vvas a true Baccha­na [...]i [...]n a Son of Vulcan by profession a Lock-smith, vvhat the Executor vvas to give vvith me I knovv not, but thither I vvent some fevv days upon liking; and indeed [...]t was but a few days I was there in all, for there was found Knavery in that Trade as well as o­thers. My new Master had belike driven an old trade with pick-pockets, h [...]u [...]e-breakers, and such kind of p [...]ople whom he furnished with store of p [...]ck-locks, and inst [...]uments to break open Shop-doors and Win­dows; he also drave a great Trade with thievish Prentices for false keys for their Masters counting-houses and Trunks, they bringing him the print of them either in Wax or Clay, with some of which he was sharers in their purchase, He had also [Page 98] his Emissaries abroad, which would steal Iron bars from Cellar-windows, and sometimes fetch a short jaunt into the Countrey, and steal the Coulters and Shares from the Ploughs, as also hooks and hinges from Gates, which he bought for a small price and used to work them out in the night for fear of discovery, yet all would not do wicked actions have bad endings; one of these Prentices who had made use of him, and thereby much wronged his Master, spending that Money riotously which he had got naughtily, his excess brought him to a sur­feit that occasioned his end, when upon his death­bed, reflecting on his former vitious practices, he detected my Master, who was thereupon apprehen­ded and carried before a Justice of the Peace, that sent him to Newgate; how he sped I know not, but if he had his desert. I am sure he could not escape hanging.


He is bound Prentice to a Taylor, the knavery of that Trade, his Master of a stitch, he is turned over to a Bak [...]r, who misusing him he runneth away. He serveth a Plaisterer, sheweth some Cheats in that Trade; he is even with the Maid of the house for her sloath, and punishing him, giveth his Master a fall from the Scaffold, and runneth away from him into the Country.

MY next Master forsooth was a Taylor, a dap­per fellow, to whom the Shoomaker (be­cause he would be sure to be rid of me) bound me Prentice the first day I went to him, after I had been there a little while, whether it be the nature of the Trade, or what it was I know not, but all my mind ran upon penny-loaves and pudding pies, and where­as before I was more given to drink than to eat, now my whole appetite was for feeding. If I went by a Bakers shop, oh how would I cast mine eyes up­on the penny l [...]aves wishing my belly a Cupboard to contain such pretious Jewels, neither could it sink into my faith, that there was any Trade in the World comparable to a Bakers, but that which made me the more hungry, I conceive was that we were much pinched in our diet: for my Master made us observe more fasting-days, then were set down in the [Page 100] Kallender, and then with a counterfeit zeal he would preach a long Lecture of sobriety unto his Prentices, not that he had any Religion in him (for at another mans table he would gurmundize like an Epicure) but to save victuals, and when we fell short at meals as we oftentimes did) he would put us off with an old Pro­verb, that many a sack is tyed up before it be f [...]ll, for his other qualifications and endowments, take a brief view in this short but true character of him.

He was such another as Sir Thomas Overbury speaks of, a creature made up of shreds that were pared off from Adam when he was rough cast. His chiefest care was, how to cloath other mens backs, and feed his own belly; how to make them fine, and himself fat again Christmas, Easter or Whitsontide; he was a man of some repute but most time else like a thick Cloak in Summer, hang [...]d behind the door. His offensive and defensive weapons were only a n [...]edle and a thimble; with the first he murdred many Egyptian vermine, and the last he made a Gauntlet for the top of his middle finger, which at other times jingling in his pocket with his bodkin▪ made the Ale-wife to think he had mony in his pock­et, which caused oft times a flagon to be scored up behind the door. His chief upholder was the sin of pride, a new fashion being to him like the Term to a Lawyer▪ to gain which he used to frequent those Churches and places where Gallants most resorted, when on a sudden the Mechanicks wifes and kitchen­maids Gowns came trowling in to be altered, for out of the fashion out of the World. He differed alto­gether from God, for with him the best pieces were still marked out for damnation, and without hope of recovery cast down into Hell, for though he had many bottoms, yet his conscience was bottomless. Of [Page 101] all Weapons he most affected the long Bill, and he who paid him but one half; he would be sure to be no looser by him.

An antient Gentleman one day brought a suit of Cloaths to our Shop to be made; who that he might have them the warmer, had bou [...]ht two yards of bays to cotton his breeches in the inner-side; my Master thought that was too good for such an use and there­fore took it to himself, and supplyed the place with old painting cloath. It happened afterwards the Gen­tleman wearing those cloaths, going to Islington, as he went over a stile, a snag or cleft of the same took hold of his Breeches and rent a great slash or gap in them, that quite discover [...]d my Masters theft; for right against the hole, was the picture of a Devil with a muck-fork in his hand, which made the Gentleman to admire how the Devil he should come there; searching further he found more of his fellows, and all of them with muck-forks in their hands, torment­i [...]g of Dives in the flames; this put him in a great rage, to consider how that by the knavery of the Taylor, he should carry Hell-fire in his Breech, rip­ping the other Slop there was the Prodigal on Horse­back, his journy into a far Country; Hawks and his Whores, his feeding Husks with Swine, with his returning to his Father, and the killing the fatted Calf, wherefore in great rage he came to my Master, calling him Knave, Thief, and a great many other names, such as came first to his tongues end, my Ma­ster desired him to be quiet, told him it was stole off his Shop-board, but for his part, he wished if he had it that he might find it in Hell, meaning the Hell under his Shop-board, which was the recep [...]acle for all his stoln goods.

Now those pieces which were condemned to this [Page 103] Hell, were termed Cabbidge, and we never made any Cloaths either for Men or Women, in which he snipt no some pieces from them, sometimes out o [...] a Suit and loak, enough to make a Boy a pair of Breeches, or a Doublet, and sometimes enough for Breeches and Dou [...]let too. Then we drave a trade with the Sadlers, for pieces of Cloaths to make seats for Saddles. The Cabbidge of course Cloath was to make dust-cloaths for the legs of Country Plough­men Wollen caps, and mittens for old Women; all was fish that came to net. When a Gentleman bought a Suit and loak of good cloath, if my Master could but perswade four or five more to buy of the same, out of them all he would steal a suit and cloak for himself. Then for Womens cloaths the cabbidge of cloath of silver, branc [...]t Sattin, and the like, went for pin cushions, pin-pillows, Womens pur­ses: and if black, Church-wardens caps, Cabbidge of Tabbee, coloured Tasfaty and Sarcenet, for facings for the hands of Doublets, &c. when we set on gold and silver lace, we should stretch it so, that in four or five ya [...]ds we would get a quarter of a yard, which w [...]th old silver buttons, and such like stuff, went for ends of gold and silver; and sometimes in rich laces, we would rub them so on our knees, that in eight or nine ounces, half an ounce would come off which went also to the encrease of ends of gold and silver.

Now being the Under-Prentice, my chief em­ployment was to run on errands, so that having thereby an opportunity, I often visited the Dagger in Foster-lane for Pudding-pies, my mouth always either penny-loaf or Pudding-pie fashion. Amongst other places that I went to, one of the chief was a Mercers in Pater-Noster-row, from whence my Ma­ster [Page 103] received a small snip for every Gown he helpt him to custom withall. Now their way of dealing was thus; my Master bought the stuff, then the Mercer was to justifie that it cost him so much a yard, per­haps eight or ten shillings more in the Gown than it did, for which my master when he brought custo­mers to him, was to perswade them to the stuff, a­vouching there was not such another penny-worth in the Town, and that he was confident that he saved little or nothing by it; but only for to gain their custome; by which you see he who carries a Taylor with him to help him buy cloaths, carries a Thief in­stead of a Friend, for the mercer and Taylor was both agreed, and what the first says, the other will swear to. Now to hear them muster up the names of their stuffs, would make you swear they were raising so many Devils, there [...]s your Parragon, Burragon, Phillippine, Cheny Grogrum, Mowhair, Damasilly, Novato, Pinckanilly, Pinckadino, Prunella, Itiliano, Castiliano, Perpetuana, Sempiternum, Tamme, Tam­met, Tameletto, and a thousand more besides, such as Adam never gave names to, being more for pride than for warmth, and rather to cloath sin, than to cover nakedness.

But ere I could attain to any perfection in the Trade, my master dyed of that which he lived by, the Stich, being taken with it as he was contriving a new fashion for a Womans placket, that it should be neither before, nor behind, nor on either side▪ but be­fore he could finish his project he was taken with this Stich, so that that invention was utterly lost thereby: now because he dyed of such a disease, I mustered up all my wit and invention together, and made for him this Epitaph.

[Page 104]
A Taylor in this Grave doth lie,
Who by the Stich did live and die;
Longe [...] his lifes thread might have been,
But death with [...]s shears came him between,
Wound up his bottom, bound his feet,
And sow'd him up in swinding-sheet.

My Mistress not continuing the Trade, I wa [...] turn­ed over to a Baker, at which I rejoyced exceedingly; being heartily desirous to be dealing with Belly-tim­ber, remem [...]ring how I was full fed when as I lived before with the Cook. Here I found the maxim to be still true that there is Knavery in all trades, for as my last master thieved from peoples backs, so this robbed their bellies; and was in one sort worse than a [...]aylor, for Taylors commonly filch their cabbid [...]e only from the rich, who can the better, spare it; but a Baker by making his bread lesser than it should be; [...]tealeth it out of the poor peoples bellies, for doing which he deserveth the same fate to attend on him as did Pharoahs Bake [...], viz hanging; or at least wise to loo [...] through an Oaken plank, and shew the people a knaves he [...]d.

He would be sure to be in fee with the Clark of the market▪ and pretended great love to him, though he hated him as his Executioner. By this means he had always timely notice of my Lord Mayors going abo [...]t when he would be [...]ure to have his bread full weight stand at his Window; and if at any time he chanc'd to be catcht oh how he would rep [...]ne at his forced c [...]a­rity, to see his bread given to the poor, hating Ju­stice it self for the weigh scales sak [...], though it d [...]d the Beggars as much good as their dinner, to see his ba [...]ket sent to the Prison.

[Page 105]When we had any stale mouldy bread, such as we could not sell our selves, or was returned us again by our customers, we used to soak it in water; and so mould it up again in our dough, which in Summer time at four days end would roap so, that if you pul [...]d it in pieces it would appear as if it were all Cobwebs which made us always to sell such bread new. Now what other Knaveries he used in his trade, I was not there long enough to know them: for because I used to forget to rise betimes in the morning, my master would remember me with a good ashen wand, which he alwa [...]s kept in store by him, wherewith he would beat me as your Seamen do Stock-fish, insomuch that my flesh had on it all the colours in the Rain-bow, viz black, blew, green▪ red, yellow, white, &c. above all things in the World I liked not beating▪ wherefore I re [...]olved to march off, yet before I went I purposed to be in part revenged on him for those many blows he had given me. Now so it vvas that he lay above stairs, and I belovv, and vvhen he came down, if he found me not up and about my business, he would so ri [...]-roast me that I could have felt no cold although it had been frosty weather. Against that morning I intended to be gone, I had pa [...]ched some pease in the oven, that they were almost as hard as leaden bullets them did I strow here and th [...]re upon the stairs again [...]t my masters coming down, and so having put up my things, and made my self ready, I staid expecting vvhat the event vvould be, anon my ma­ster called me at the stairs head, I heard him very vvell, but made him no ansvver; vvherefore he sup­posing I vvas asleep, vvas coming dovvn to give me the bastinado, vvhen treading on the pease his heels flevv up, and dovvn he came tumbling from the top to the bottom; svvearing all the Way he vvas falling [Page 106] that this damn'd Rogue (meaning me) intended for to break his neck; I hearing him to thunder so loud thought it would lighten upon my Jacket presently; and therefore to prevent it, I opened the door and shewed him a fair pair of heels, leaving him sore bruised with his fall, and more vexed that he could not come at me; to revenge himself of me for the same.

I was now grown a good sturdy Lad; and it being then the spring of the year, I was entertained into a Plaisterers service, I imagined with my self that there could be no knavery in this trade but after I had been there a while, I found there was a great deal of diffe­rence in our labour when we workt by the day, and when we wrought by the great; in the one I could not be too quick for my master in the other he cared not how slow; dispatching that in six days in the one, which we would hardly do in ten days in the other, in the one we minded only our work, in the other we u [...]ed to lengthen out the time with discourses of wen­ches, foot-ball playing, and such like; for so we brought the day to an end, we cared not so much for our [...]ork going forward, seeing our wages ran para­lel with the day, and when that was done, we counted our money due▪ whether we earned it or no. In this service I lived like a Prince to my hearts content, for my master wou [...]d not only wink at any rogueries that I committed, but also countenance me in the doing of them. When we wrought upon scaffolds in the [...]treet it was a great pleasure to me to throw the morter upon the heads of young Wenches, as they passed by; and at other times with our Whiting to bespatter Gentlemens Cloaks as they walked under us; that they looked as if the [...]row had shit upon them. My master kept a maid who was none of those huswifes [Page 107] that use to disturb other peoples sleeps by their early rising; she would endure three calls in a morning, and when she began to stir, she would groan sadly, stretching out her arms and legs, and giving a two or three has to get upon her breech, where she would sit in her bed half an hour lacing of her boddice, and throwing of her coats over her head, so that we were forced to put up the victuals we carried with us our selves. My master asked me if I could not invent a way to punish her sloath? I told him I would do my best endeavour; so that day I got some Horse-hair, and shred it fit for my pur­pose, telling my master what I would do with it; at night when he came home; he sent the m [...]id for two pots of Ale, when she was gone for it, I took my shred hair, and strowed the same in her bed be­twixt the sheets which plagued her vvorse then if she had had half a peck of six footed vermine to her bedfellovvs; a good vvhile she endured it, being exceeding loath to be at the pains of putting on her Cloaths, for she always accounted the trouble of dressing and undressing her self to be a great plague inflicted on mortals to disturb them of their ease, accounting the Birds in a far happier condition than men, vvho go to bed and rise vvith their doublet and breeches on, and vvas resolved if she changed her Religion to have turned Adamite, that she mig [...]t have saved that labour of dressing her self; but the hair tormented her so abominably, that nolens v [...] ­lens, she vvas forced to rise, and sit up untill the morning, vvhen looking in the sheets she found the cause of her disquietness; the cunning Jade made no speech of it at all, but vvas as pleasant that morn­ing as if she had ailed nothing all night, vvhich made me to mistrust my art, and think I had not [Page 108] done my business right. All that day she was busied with her thoughts in contriving mischief against me the result where of was, that she took the sheets from off her bed and laid them on mine, whereby she paid me home in my own coyn, and whereof I could not justly complain, seeing what was sauce for a Goose was sauce for a Gander, I had work'd very hard that day, and would willingly have taken some rest at night, but it was in v [...]in to think of it, I might almost have lain as well upon pins and needles as on what I did, I then thought upon the story which is u­sually told boys vvhen they first come to be Prentices concerning their enroling, that they must be rol [...]d in a Barrel drove full of nails, with the points sti [...]king up, and thought this punishment to be little inferior to that; flesh and blood could not endure it, where­fore I got up and uncased my bed of the sheets, creep­ing in betwixt the blankets vvhere I lay all night. In the morning the Maid asked me how I slept tha [...] night? I told her very well, for my skin was armor of proof against the biting of fleas, or any other di­sturbance whatsoever, but though I carried fair wea­ther in my countenance, my heart boyled in revenge against her, wherefore tha [...] day I went and bought two penny-vorth of Cow-itch, which is a drug of that nature, that where it touches the flesh, it will make t [...]em so scrub seventeen times worse than if they we [...]e plagued with the itch, with this I anointed her sheets in the same manner as I strowed them with horse-hair before, but if the hair netled, this fleyed, she had needed to have had Briarius hundred hands to have scratcht her self at once, for when she came to be a little hot in her bed, she fared like a mad woman; the more she scratcht the more it itcht, so that by what she seek't to allay her pain, she en­creased [Page 109] it: the going out of her bed would not cure her now, she carried her distemper along with her, so that knowing not how to ease her self, she bellowed like a Bull, and made such a quarter, that the whole hou [...]e was disturbed with her bellowing. All night she continued thus; in the morning I began to play upon her, told her that the scratching of her arse signified we should have butter cheap, and that [...]ow ever things wents she would be sure to Rub through with them, but had I not took my heels, she had so rubbed my ears for it as would have turned my mirth into mourning. That day was very fatal to me, and my running from the Maid in the morning prognosti­cated I should run from my master before night. It so happened that we had some work to do that day at a Tavern in Thames-street, the back-side whereof ad­joyned to the Thames, which the Vintner would have beautified next to the water-side; now for to make h [...]m a scaffold to work on, he put the ends of two long sticks out at the window, laying a board over them for him to stand on the out side: and on the in-side fa [...]tned the end of the one with a Cord, but wanti [...]g a Cord for the other, he bid me to sit on it, thereby to keep it from kicking up, thus was all things order­ed, my Master gotten up upon his scaffold, which vvas just over the water, and I s [...]tting on the end of the stick; he fell a singing as he was accustomed to do at his work, and I fell a nodding▪ being lulled a sleep with his singing; in my sleep I dreamed that my old Master the Cook was alive again, that I lived with him, and that our House was full of Guests▪ by and by some Gentlemen knocked in the next room, I hearing them, imagined that I was called, and thereupon cryed out, Anon, Anon, I come I come Sir, and thereupon fell a running, when pre­sently [Page 110] up flew the stick, and down fell my Master, crying all the way he fell help, help, I shall be drown [...]d the noise he made waked me out of my sleep, when looking forth so the window, I saw my Master float­ing like a shitle-cock upon the water. I seeing what had happened, thought more upon saving my self than him, imagining if he were drowned, that I should be hanged, and therefore that I might not die the death of a dog, to prevent it, I run away, leaving my Master to shift for himself, whom though yet I loved well, and would not have parted from him but for this accident.

I made great hast in going, and yet knevv not whi­ther to go; East, West, North, or South, all was indifferent to me for it is impossible he can be out of his way to whom all vvays are alike. London though large and populous I judged no Coverture for me, I wanting those two great helps of concealment, money and friends. The Country therefore I p [...]tcht upon, invited thereto the more, it being then the merry month of May, the pleasantest time of all the year, the earth having then put on her richest apparel, the meadow cloathed in green, the fields beautified with flowers, and the Woods adorned vvith Violets, Cow­slips, and Primroses; the winged Choristers of the Forrest, warbled forth their ditties very harmoni­ously, the Lambs friskt and leapt, dancing lavalto [...]s on the flowry pastures, and the murmuring stream made a noise like to a chime of Bells, running through their winding Meanders. As I walked thus in the Country, encircled with pleasures, and every where having my eyes satiated with variety of pleasing ob­jects I thought my self to be in Paradise, and imagi­ned no pleasure in the world comparable to that of a Country life; Happy, yea thrice happy (thought I) [Page 111] is he who not playing with his wings in the golden flames of the Court, not setting his foot in the busie throngs of the City, not running up and down in the intricate mazes of the Law can be content in the win­ter to sit by a Country fire, and in the Summer to lay his head on the green pillows of the Earth. The Country Cottage is neither battered down by the Canon in time of War, nor pester'd with clamorous Suits in time of peace. The fall of Cedars that tumble from the tops of Kingdoms, the ruine of great Houses that bury Families in their overthrow, and the ways of shipwracks, that begat even shrieks in the heart of Cities, never send their terrors thither: that place stand as safe from the shock of such violent storms as the Bay tree does from lightening; their sleeps are secure from such dangers, and their wakings as plea­sant as golden dreams. In the homely village art thou more safe, than in a fortified Castle; the stings of Envy, nor the bullets of Treason are never shot through those thin walls: sound healths are drunk out of the wholsome wooden dish, when the Cup of Gold boyles over with Poyson. Hast thou a desire to rule? get up to the Mountains, and thou shalt see the greatest trees stand trembling before thee, to do thee Reverence, those mayest thou call thy Nobles. Thou shalt have ranks of oak on each side of thee, which thou maist call thy Guard; thou shalt see Willows bending at every blast; whom thou maist call thy flatterers: thou shalt see valleys humbled at thy feet; whom thou maist term thy slaves. Wouldest thou behold battels? step into the fields, there shalt thou behold excellent Combats between the standing Corn and the windes. Art thou a tyrant? and de­lightest in the fall of great ones? muster then thy Harvesters together, and down with those proud [Page 112] Summer Lords when they are at highest. Wouldst thou have Subsidies paid thee? the Plough sends thee in Corn, the Meadow gives thee her pasture, the Trees pay thee custom with their fruit, the Ox be­stows upon thee his labour, the Sheep his wool, the Cow her milk, the Fowls their feathers, &c. Dost thou call for Musick? n [...] Prince in the world keeps more s [...]ilful Musitians, the Birds are thy Con [...]orts, and the wind instruments they play upon yield ten thousand tunes.

Thus went I on contemplating the S [...]mmers pride and the earths bravery, and from them both con­c [...]u [...]ed the great felicity of a Country life, as if the one would never fade, and the other always endure resolving in my thoughts never to see London again, being ravished with the delights of the verdant fields and enamour'd on the beauties of the Spring, ac­counting none truly happy, but he who enjoyed the felicities of a Country life; Is he addicted to study, Heaven is the Library; the Sun, Moon and Stars his books to teach him Astronomy, that great volume his E [...]h [...]merides out of which he may Calculate predicti­ons of times to follow; yea in the very clouds are written lessons of Divinity for him to instru [...]t him in wi [...]dom, the turning over their leaves, teach him the variation of seasons, and how to dispose his busi­ness for all weathers who therefore would not con­sume his youth in such delightful studies, that have power in them to keep off old age longer than it would? or when old age doth come, is able to give it the lively-hood and vigour of youth? who would not rather sit at the foot of a hill, tending a flock of sheep than at the helm of Authority, controuling the stuborn and unruly mul [...]itude? Better it is in the solitary woods and in the wide fields, to be a man [Page 113] among Beasts, than in the midst of a peopled City, to be a beast amongst men.

As I was thus strucken into admiration of these beauties, and wholly taken up in contemplation of the felicities of a retired life, being already in my thoughts an absolute Country-man, I being now some miles di­stant from the Metropolitan City of our fruitful Al­bion, on a sudden the welkin began to roar, and send forth terrible peals of thunder▪ the serene Sky was over shadowed, and Phoebus hid his head behind a cloud the Heavens began first to weep small tears, af­terwards to pour them in full Rivolets upon the thirsty earth, I had then no Pent-house to walk under to keep me from the rain, nor was there a red lattice at every nuke and corner (as at London) to give me enterta [...]nment; the spreading boughs of the sturdy oak were too feeble to defend me from being wet; I looked like a drencht Mouse, having never a dry thred on me; what to do I knew not money I had but little, friends none a stranger both to the place and people, unexperienced in the world, as i [...] the way where I travelled the consideration of those things made me add more moysture to the earth by the salt tears that trickled from my eyes; to stand still I thought was in vain, so forwards I went, wet without and dry with­in (sorrow they say causeth drowth) at length I spy'd by a corner of a Wood a little thatcht Cottage, thi­ther I went, and found by an old rotten stick that darted out of it, in imitation of a Sign-post, that it was an Ale-house, this someth [...]ng revived my drooping pirits, so in I went, to dry my out-side and wet my in-side, where I found a good fire, and store of company of both Sexes merrily trouling the boul about, singing of Catches, and smoaking To­bacco; no sooner was I entered, but one of them [Page 114] drank to me a full cup, so dovvn I sat amongst them, being all alike free Citizens of the vvide World, the Strong Ale soon vvashed avvay all sorrovv from my heart, and novv that I had a vvarm fire to sit by, and a house over my head, I bid a fig for all foul Weather.


He lighteth on a company of Canting Beggars, and is stalled one of their Society, is married to a Doxy, with the manner of their Wedding; the orders and Degrees of the Canting Beggars, Men and Women with their several quallities and manner of life.

THis company that I thus hapned into vvas a Crew of Canting Beggars, Pilgrims of the vast earth, the off-spring of Cain, vagabonds and wanderers, over the whole World, fit Companions for such who made a trade for Idleness and Roguery, and these were at this time fit companions for me, who seeing the merry life they led, resolved to make one of their company whereupon (after I had a little more ingra­tiated my self amongst them, and taken two or three cups more of Rum-booz) I imparted my inventions to one of the chief of them, telling him that I was a Prentice who had a curst Master, whose cruelties had caused me to run away from him, and that what ever fortune might betide me, yet should not the most ne­cessitous condition I could be plunged into, ever make [Page 115] me to return to him again, and therefore if I might be admitted into their society I should faithfully ob­serve a [...]d perform what rules and orders were impo­sed upon me.

He very much applauded me for my resolutions, telling me that to be a Beggar was to be a brave man, since it was now in fashion for brave men to beg. Do not we (said he) come all into the World like arrant Beggars, without a rag upon us; and do not we all go out of the World like Beggars, without a rag upon us? and do not we all go out of the World like Beggars without any thing saving only an old sheet to cover us? shall we then be ashamed to walk up and down in the World like Beggars, with old Blankets pin'd about us? no, no, that were a shame to us indeed; have we not the whole Kingdom to walk at our pleasure? are we afraid of the approach of Q [...]arter day? do we walk in fear of Bailiffs, Ser­jeants and [...]atch poles? who ever knew an arrant Beggar arrested for debt? is not our meat drest in e­very mans Kitchen? does not every mans Cellar af­ford [...]s beer? and the best mens purses keep a penny for us to spend.

Having by these words (as he thought) fully fixed me in love with begging, he then acquainted the Company with my desires, who were all of them very joyful thereof, being as glad to add one to their society, as a Turk is to gain a Proselite to Mahomet. The first question that they asked me was, if I had any Lour [...] in my Bung? I stared on them not know­ing what they meant, till at last one told me it was mony in my pur [...]e, I told them I had but eighteen pence, which I freely gave them; this by a gene­ral vote was condemned to be spent in Bouse for my initiation. Then they commanded me to kneel [Page 116] down, which being done, one of the chief of them took a Gage of Bowse, which is a quart of drink, and poure [...] the same on my head, saying, I do by ver­tue of this Soveraign Liquor stall th [...]e to the Rogue, and make thee a free Denizon of our ragged Regi­ment; so that henceforth it shall be lawful for thee to Cant and to carry a Doxy or Mort along with thee only observing these rules. First that thou art not to wander up and down all Countries, but to keep only to that Quarter which is allotted to thee! and secondly, thou art to give way to any of us that have born all the Offices of the Wallet before thee, and upon holding up a finger to avoid any Town or Country Village where thou seest we are forraging to victual our army that march along with us. Observing these two rules▪ we take thee into our protection, and adopt thee a Brother of our nu­merous society.

He having ended his oration, I rose up, and was congratulated by all the Company, hanging about me like so many dogs about a Bear, and leaping and shouting like so many mad men, making such a confused noise with their gabling, that the melody of a dozen oyster wives at [...]illingsgate, the scolding at ten Conduits, and the Gossipings of fifteen Bake­houses were not comparable unto it. At length he that stalled m [...] cryed out for silence, bidding the French and English Pox to light on their throats for making such a yelping; then fixing his eyes upon me, he read a Lecture to me out of the Devils Horn book as followeth.

Now (saith he) that thou art entred into our fra­ternity thou must not scruple to act any villanies which thou shall be able to perform; whether it be to nip a bung, bite the Peter, Cloy the Lurries, Crash [Page 117] either a Bleating cheat, Cackling cheat, grunting chtat, quacking cheat, Tib oth buttery, Margery prater, or to Cloy a Mish from t [...]e Crackmans; that is, to cut a purse, steal a Cloak-bag or Portmantle, convey away all manner of Cl [...]at [...]s ▪ either a Sheep, Chicken, sucking Pig, Duck, Coose, Hen, or steal a shirt from the hedge; for he that will be a Quier Cove, a profest Rogue, must observe this rule, set down by an anti­ent Patrico in these words.

Wilt thou a begging go,
O per se o, o per se o,
Then must thou God forsake
And to the Devil thee betake,
O per se o, &c.

And because thou art as yet but a Novice in beg­ging, and understandest not the mysteries of the Canting language, to principle thee the better; thou shalt have a Doxy to be thy Companion, by whom thou maist receive fit inst [...]uctions for thy purpose. And thereupon he singled me out a young Girl of about fourteen years of age, which tickled my fancy very much that I had gotten a young wanton to dally withal; but this was not all, I must presently be mar­ried unto her after their fashion by their Patrico (who amongst Beggars is their Priest) which was done af­ter this manner.

They got a Hen, and having cut off the head of it, laid the dead body upon the ground, placing me on the one side of it, and my Doxy on the other; this being done; the Patrico standing by, with a loud voice bid us live together till death did us part: then one of the Company went into the Yard and fetcht a dry Cow-turd, which was broken over my [Page 118] Doxy's head in imitation of a Bride-cake; and so shaking hands, and kissing each other, the Cere­mony of the Wedding was over▪ and for joy of the marriage we fell to drinking afresh, till we were all as drunk as Beggars, but then to hear the gabling noise we made would have made you to have blest your self, to hear such a Babel of confusion among us, some were jabbering in the Canting language ▪ others in their own some did nothing but weep and protest love to their Morts, other swore swords and daggers to cut the throats of their Doxy [...]s if they found them tripping one would drink a health to the Bride till he slavered again, some were for singing Baudy songs, others were divising curses for Justices of Peace, Head­bor [...]u [...]hs and [...]onstables; at last night approaching, and all their mony being spent, we betook us to a Barn not far off, where we coucht a Hogshead in the darkmans, and went to sleep.

Though my lodging was homely, my bedfellow pleased me yet though she were so young, I could not boast of the purchase of her Maiden-bead, that being a dainty always bestowed on the Upright-men, (the chief of the Rogues, who must have the first tast of such morsels, and then they are free for any of the Brother-hood The whole night was spent in prig­ging wapping, and telling of drunken stories; in the morning as soon as Phoe [...]us began to dart some of his beams through the crannies of the Walls▪ the Patri­co began to set up his larum, and to [...]waken the rest with this song.

This is Bien Bowse, this is Bien Bowse,
Too little is my skew.
I Bowse no Lage, but a whole Gage
Of this ile Bowse to you
This Bowse is better than Rom-Bowse,
It sets the Gan a gigling;
The Autem Mort finds better sport
In Bowsing than in nigling.
Tis better than Peckidge, Plannam,
Then Yarum, Loure, or Lage;
Then lift the same up to thy Nab
And Bowse off a whole Gage.

Being thus roused, and having shaken our ears a little, the Upright-man (who was the [...]el-weather of the flock) appointed out the station where every one should go, prefixing a day wherein we were all to meet again. My Doxy and I had a particular walk assigned unto us, wherein we were to travel, and not to intrench upon any of the others limits; whilst I thus rambled about with her; learned of her the several Qualities and Offices of the Brother hood, and how they were distinguished from each other according to their degrees of superiority and inferi­ority: the Men were divided into these twenty seve­ral sorts.

  • 1 Upright men.
  • 2 Rufflers.
  • 3 Anglers.
  • 4 Rogues.
  • 5 Wild Rogues.
  • 6 Priggers of Prancers.
  • 7 Palliards or, Clapper-dugcons.
  • 8 Fraters.
  • 9 Quire Birds.
  • 10 Abraham-men.
  • 11 Whip-jacks.
  • 12 Counterfeit Cranks
  • 13 Dummerars.
  • 14 Iack-men.
  • 15 Patrico's.
  • 16 Irish Toyls.
  • 17 Swigmen.
  • 18 Glymm [...]rars.
  • 19 Curtalls.
  • 20 Kinchen Co's.

[Page 120]Of the Women kind were only these six.

  • 1 Kitchin Morts
  • 2 Dells.
  • 3 Doxies.
  • 4 Walking Morts
  • 5 Autem Morts.
  • 6 Bawdy Baskets.

And now what these several sorts of people are, you shall hearby their descriptions.

1 An Upright man is the chief of all the Ragged Regiment, he walks like a Commander with a short Truncheon in his hand which he calls his Filch-man; pretends himself to be a decayed Souldier, and claims a share in all the Booties which any other inferiour Rogue do get; he hath all the Morts and Doxies at his beck, and can command them from any other of the Gang at his pleasure. By this de­scription you see there is a great deal of difference betwixt an Upright-m [...]n and an honest man.

2 A Ruffler is the same in Conditions as an Up­right man, like to like quoth the Devil to the Collier; they both of them pretend themselves to be decayed Souldiers, are both of them very imperious over the in [...]erior Subjects of their Common wealth-re­ceiving tribute also from Rogues Palliards, Morts, Doxies, &c.

3 The next are Anglers, but they seldom catch Fish till they go up Westward for Flounders. The Rod they angle with is a staff of five or six foot in length, having a hole bored through it within an inch of the top, into which hole do they put an iron hook, and with the same do they angle at window about midnight, drawing therewith apparel sheets, coverlets, or whatsoever they lay hold on, All is Fish that comes to Net.

4 A Rogue who [...]e very name doth shew his na­ture, and therefore he shall not need any further de­scription.

[Page 121]5 A Wild Rogue is of the same nature as a Rogue only this is the difference, that the one falls into this infamous and detestable course of life, either through laziness, death of Parents, cruelty of Masters, or the like, the wild Rogue is bred up to it from his swadling clouts, born a Rogue, lives all his whole life a Rogue, and disdains to take upon him any calling or profession whatsoever, but as he lives, so dies a Rogue.

6 Priggers of Prancers are Horse-stealers, for to Prig, [...]ignifies in the Canting language to steal, and Prancer signifies a Horse, the Farmers in the Coun­try, and Gentlemen that keep Horses, know these sorts of Rogue, too well, by dear experience.

7 Palliards, or otherwise called Clapperdugeons, who go always with their Morts at their heels, and draw people the more to pitty them, with Spere­wort or Arsnick raise blisters on their legs, which they can cure again at their pleasure. When they come into the streets of a Town or Country village, they divide themselves, and beg one on one side of the street, and the other on the other side; the purchase which they thus get. They sell to poor Tradse-men, or other labouring people, and with the money are merry at the Bowsing-ken.

8 A Frater is one that with a Counterfeit Parent goeth about with a wallet at his back, and a black box at his girdle, to beg for some Hospital or Spit­tle-house; he hath always a Doxy whom he meets withall at night at some tippling house, where they lewdly spend what was given him in the day by charitable well minded people.

9 Quire Birds are those in whom the Proverb is verified, Birds of a feather, Rogues together, they are such as formerly sung in such Cages as Newgate, the [Page 122] White-Lyon, or some other Country Goale.

10 Abraham men, or a Tom of Bedam is a man whom by his black and blew arms you may see to be much beaten to the world; he counterfeits madness and by many Phantastick tricks gets from silly Coun­try people Bacon, and such other victuals as will fetch him ready money; he hath but two names, for all people whatsoever, and that is Tom and Bess. No man shifts his linnen oftner than he does his Wenches.

11 Whipjacks are such as travel about from town to town under the notion of Ship wrackt Sea-m [...]n, with a counterfeit licence to beg, which licence they call a Gybe, and the seals to it Iarks their talk is all of Sea Voyages, but the end of their Land-voy­age is for what they can get, and to rob Boo [...]hs at Fairs, which they call Heaving of the Booth, at which they are very expert.

12 Counterfeit Cranks are such as pretend them­selves to have the Falling-sickness, and by putting a piece of white soap into the corner of their mouths, will make the froath to come boyling forth to cause pitty in the beholders; they stare wildly with their eyes to appear as if distracted, and go half naked to move the greater compassion. These Cranks have likewise their meetings, and their wenches at com­mand.

13 The Dummerar is Cousin-German to the Cranks, for as the one counterfeits the falling sickness so this counterfeits dumbness, making a horrid noise instead of speech by doubling his tongue in his mouth, but if you give him nothing, he can then o­pen his mouth to curse you privately. This Iack hath also his I [...]ll, upon whom he spends his Loure at the Bowsingken.

[Page 123]14 A Iackman is one that can write and read, ye some of them have a smattering in the Latine tongue; which learning of theirs advances them in office a­mongst the Beggars, as to be Clark of their Hall, or the like. His employment is to make Gybes with Iarks to them, which are counterfeit licences with seals, by which he gets store of money to make him­self drunk withal.

15 The Patrico is their Priest, every hedge is his Parish, and every wandring Rogue and Whore is his Parishioner. His service is only marrying of cou­ples, by bidding them go together and multiply, and fill the World with a generation of vaga­bonds.

16. Irish Toyls are lusty Rogues who go about with a wallet at their back, in which they carry pins, points, saces, and such like, and under colour of selling such wares commit many villanies.

17 A Swigman is a degree higher than an Irish-toyle, as a Tavern exceeds an Ale-house, for he car­ries a pack behind him instead of a wallet, and is stored with more sorts of ware than the other, yet differs little from him in honesty; they both pay tribute to the Upright man, as to their chief.

18 Glymmerars are such as travel up and down with licences to beg because their houses have been consumed with fire, for Glymer in the Canting tongue signifies fire. They use a very sad tone in their begging, and tell a lamentable story how the fire destroyed their Baros, Stables, &c. by which lying tales they get store of Loure to buy Bub at the Bowsingken.

19 Curtals are so called because they wear short Cloaks, being of the same nature as the Rogues de­scribed before

[Page 124]20 The last rank of this Rambling Crew are ter­med Kinchin Co [...]s, being little Boys, whose Parents were formerly Beggars, but are now dead, or else such as have run away from their Masters, and instead of a trade to live by, follow this kind of life to be lowsie by. The first thing they do is to learn how to Cant, and the onely thing they practice is to creep in at windows or Cellar doors.

Thus have I given you a brief description of the men, by which you may give a shrewd guess of the women; for you cannot imagine if the one were De­vils that the other would be Saints, take them there­fore in their own Character.

1 Of this sort; the first of them are called Ki [...]ch­en Morts, their Mothers carry at their backs in their Slates, id [...]est, she [...]ts. When the Morts beg, they use to prick their Kinchens with pins, that by their crying they may move people to a speedier distri­bution of their alms.

2 Dells are young wenches that have not lost their maiden-heads, but being once deflowred, (which commonly is when they are very young) they then change the name of Dell into Doxy, even as maids when they come to be married, loose that appellation, and are called women.

3 Doxys are such as have been deflowred by the Upright men, and are after common to any of the Brother hood. They will if they see convenient for a small piece of money prostitute their bodies to any that will deal with them, and do too often murther those Infants which are so gotten. They have one special badge to be known by, for most of them go working of laces and shirt strings or such [Page 125] like stuff, only to give colour to their idle wan­dring.

4. A walking Mo [...]t is one that hath encreased the World with Lullaby-cheats or young Children, yet was never married, they are very dangerous Queans to meet withal, being cunning in dissembling, and without all fear of God and good Laws; and are kept in awe only by the Upright-men, who oftentimes rifle them of all that they have.

5. An Autem Mort is another sort of these she-de­vils, and differs only from a walking Mort in that she is married; for Autem in the Canting tongue signi­fies a Church, although that be a place she seldome comes at. They commonly walk with their Wallets on their shoulders, and Slates or sheets at their backs, and will pilser any thing that lies carelesly about houses, which they call in their language Nilling of the ken. Their Husbands commonly are Rufflers, Up­right men, Wild Rogues, &c.

6. The last of this Ragged Regiment are called Bawdy Baskets which are Women that walks with Baskets or Cap-cases on their arms, wherein they have pins, points, needles, and such like things to sell▪ going thus from house to house to sell their ware; buy Cunny-skins ▪ and steal what they can lay their hands on, driving three trades at once. They are very fair spoken, and will seldom swear whilst they are sel­ling their wares, but will lye with any man that hath a mind to them. The Upright-men and these are in perfect league and amity one with another.

Thus have I briefly dissected to you this knot of Vipers; who may very fitly be termed the Devils black Guard. Whose whole life con [...]isteth of a con­tinued act of all impiety, no sin within their verge [Page 126] but is frequently committed amongst them, especially that sin of letchery; to which end you shall find some­times together in a Barn forty of these Upright-men, Rufflers, Clapperdugeons, &c. ingendring Begga [...]s with their Morts. Adultery they boast of, Incest they laugh at, Sodomy they Jest at, being all of the Family of Love, or Lust rather, rope ripe, Nuts for the Devils cracking, and fit fuel for firing for his Kitchen. But I have dwelt too long upon this filthy subject, I shall only give you a brief Character of a Canting Rogue, and so return to the progress of my own life.

He should seem by his rambling mind to be begot by some Intelligencer under a hedge, for he is wholly addicted to travel, and hath one especial priviledge above most Travellers that he is never out of the way. He is not troubled with making of Joynctures; he can divorce himself without the Fee of a Proctor, nor fears he the cruelty of Overseers of his Will; for there is small danger of his Children being cheated of their Estates, by which means he makes not work for the Lawyers after his decease. He leaves his children all the World to Cant in, and all the people to be their fathers to provide for them. His language is always one and the same; the Northern speech differs from the South, Welsh from the Cornish, but Canting is general, nor never could be altered by Conquest of the Saxon, Dane, or Norman. He will not beg out of the limit prescribed him by the Upright-man, though he starve nor falsifie his oath, if he swear by his So­lomon (which is the Mass) though you hang him, and to show himself a true subject of their Common-wealth, he pays his custom as truly to his Grand Rogue as tribute is paid to the Great Turk.

The Spring is as welcome to him as a warm Bed [Page 127] to a weary Traveller, for then begins his progress af­ter a hard Winter; and the Sun which breeds Agues in others, he adores it like the Indians. Ostlers can­not endure him, for he is of the Infantry, and serves bes [...] on foot; and if through sickness at any time he ride his stage is but to the next Town, and that in a Dung-cart. He offends not the Statute against the excess of Apparel; the fuller of rags the more fashio­nable for his Calling, and to go naked, he accounts but a voluntary pennance. Forty of them will lye in a Barn together, yet are never sued upon the Statute of In-mates. He shifts Lodgings oftner than men shift their shirts, and hath more change of Morts and Doxies, than he hath of Lodgings. If he were learned, no man could make a better Description of England, for he hath surveyed it more exactly than the best Cosmographer whatsoever, having travell'd it over and over. Lastly, he can brag of this, that repairing of houses will never undo him and that though he eats and drinks every day, yet he shall not die one penny in debt either to the Brewer, or to the Butcher.


In prosecution of his begging he steals a Hen, is taken in the manner; and whipped, and imprisoned in the Cage; from whence he escapes, and assists in the robbing of a House, where he gets a good Booty and escapes, but his Companions are caught; one hanged, and two transported: He hearing this, makes hast to London. In his journey to London ▪ he overtakes a Trooper and a Wench; he lyes with her and two more of her Companions, and after this frollick he goes with them all to London.

IT was then the Spring of the year when I took this lazy trade of life upon me; the harmony of the Birds singing and the variety of the Flowers which beautified the verdant Fields, made me the more willing to imbrace this sordid course, not think­ [...]ng of a winter that would strike dumb tho [...]e winged Choristers, and invest the Earth with a robe of Snow, instead of all her painted Bravery. Custom had soon habituated me to a liking of lodging in straw, attracted the more by my amorous Bedfellow and so long as I had my fill of ease, I could well be contented to ast from Dainties. But for my life I could not bring my tongue to the right tone o [...] Beg­ging, although I were habited fit for the purpose with a dirty Night-cap loathsome to behold my face all smearen, my cloaths set full with pa [...]che [...] upon the [Page 129] whole cloath, a red clout upon my leg, and supporting my body with a staff as if I had been a meer criple. Ma­ny a mile vve rambled, yet keeping still in our ovvn sta­tion, for fear of the Upright-man: but my counterfeit plea for begging vvas at last discovered, and to all my dainties I had vvhipping chear added; for going one day not far off from a Farm house, the stragling Hens invited me to have a throw at them vvith my staff and having struck one of them. I had forgotten my lameness, but very nimbly ran and took her up, putting her under my patcht Coat, vvhere I had a bag sevved in that vvas a receptacle for all stollen goods. It chanced that the Farmer himself vvas then on the other side of the hedge, vvho undisco­vered by me, savv my activity in the stealing of his Hen, and vvas resolved, though I put it up that he vvould not. But I dreading nothing, thinking my self unseen, vvent directly to the House, and as soon as I came into the yard fell to my old trade leaning on my staff, and drawing my leg after me, as if scarce able to stand, much less to run. Having got­ten to the door, I began to set up my tone with a Good tender hearted people be pleased to bestow your charity upon a poor miserable wretch that is both lame and hungry; one penny of silver to buy him salvs for his sore leg, or one morsel of victuals to put into his bel­ly that hath had nothing come in it this couple of dayes. No sooner had I ended my Maunding, thinking to mump the Farmer out of some money, or at least­wise some bread to my Hen, but he having watch'd me now seized hold of my arm, and told me, that though it might be true that I had not lately eaten, yet he saw I was resolved to be better provided for the future and so turning back my Coat discovered my bag, vvhere was not onely the Hen, but some other [Page 130] [...] their provant, I had lately purchased. I finding my self caught, would gladly have given him the slip, but some of his servants, as well as himself stop'd me, without any more ado the Harman-beck was sent for, who being a neighbour was quickly come, and by this time I had a great train of Boys and Girls to attend me: I needed not much examination be­ing thus taken in the manner, but however they were all desirous to see my sore leg; I was forced to let them do what they would with me, knowing there was no remedy but patience, and so I suffered them to unrowl and take off the Clouts and Rowl­ers that was upon it, when coming to the skin, that was as whole and as sound as a fish; but though my leg was well and whole, my heart was now al­most broken with consideration of what they would do with me; some proposed one punishment, and some another, but at length to the Whipping Post I was led, where my doublet and shirt being stript off, my back was so long laced with a Cart-whip that I Capered and flounced like a Horse in a quag­mire, and I was as fast too, being hand-cuffd so that I could not stir. It was well it was the Spring time, for I lost blood enough to purge away the gross humours without the help of a Surgeon, that of­fice being supplyed by a Thrasher who took as much pains upon me as would have Thrashed a bushel of Pease; but at length there was a cessation, and a new parley began wherein it was propoun­ded that further course should be taken with me, and considering that there was a kind of Felony committed upon the Hen; they advised and agreed to lead me to the next Justice of the Peace to have his Judgment in the Case though I thought it unreasonable to suffer punishment first, and then [Page 131] to be Judged; yet it was to no purpose to complain, and all I could say would not prevail with them to let me go, but they would conduct me to the Justice, so that I having put on my Cloaths my shirt stuck to my back and made me sensible that I had lost leather; but for all that on I must, and the Justice living a mile off, the Thrasher who had lashed me, and two or three others made holliday to attend me: when we came before the Justice, he hearing that I had been punished already, was content at my importunity to acquit me from any other, and only to make a Pass to send me home to London, being the place where I told them I was born: I not having power to contra­dict; was forced to consent to what was command­ed, and that Constable attending me out of his li­berties to another Constable, left me: this new Constable, who now had me in keeping not being willing to go further with me; for that night put me up in the Cage, where I was locked up, but not so safely, but I made shift to break out, and travell­ing all night; by the next morning I was far e­nough off for them to overtake me, for all that day I concealed my self in a wood, and vvhen night came I proceeded on my Journey; but it so happened that on the second night of my travel, about mid­night I was over taken by three persons who deman­ded where I was going? I told them any whether: vvhat I was? I replied a wretched person whom for­tune had persecuted, and therefore I was indiffe­rent whether I went, or what I did. Hearing me say so, they retired a little to consult about their affairs, and then one of them coming up to me, demanded several questions of me of my late course of life? To all their questions I returned them such [Page 132] answers as caused them to conclude me to be a Rambler, and therefore fit for their society, and therefore they asked me if I were vvilling to hazard my self in enterprizing somewhat, that though it might be something dangerous, yet it should be ve­ry profitable. To this I answered, that they should soon find my willingness expressed in the boldness of my actions, and if seconded or assisted by them, I should act any thing that they would direct and appoint.

They hearing my resolution, soon consented to admit me into their society, and acquainted me with their present purpose, which was to rob a house not far from that place: They told me th [...]t I must be va­liant and bold not in fighting, for they knew they should meet with little occasion to exercise any wea­pon, but in entring the House, and performing other such matters as they should instruct me in. I told them I consented to what they should propose, and therefore desired them to tell me what part I was to act in this Enterprize, and as for a part of the purchase, I should leave that to them, which I de­sired them to give me as I should deserve. Then one of these persons told me, that he was very well ac­quainted in the house, and gave me an account of the several ways and passages into every Room, and who was lodged in such Chambers. In fine, I dis­covered that there was but two men, and three wo­men-kind in the house, and he being a Coach-man, had lately brought the Master of the house home with two hundred pound, of which he had a de [...]ire to rob him; and therefore had joyned these two per­sons with him in the Confederacy. Being thus in­structed, we proceed and arriving at the house, I was put in at a window, and directed how to open the [Page 133] doors, which I did, the the Coach-man stayed below stairs, and we other three by his directions went up into the Chambers; the doors we soon opened, and coming to the bed side where the Master of the house and his Wife was, we dravving our swords (for I had the Coach-mans delivered to me) opened our dark Lanthorns, and seeing the man and woman, without many words we bound and gagg'd them: and they leaving me to watch them, went into the other Chambers to do the like to the rest: I being left alone in this Room was not idle; but rummaged about, and found a Gold Watch a few Rings, and twenty pieces of Gold, these I secured for my self, and soon after my Companions returned; when taking the Keys out of the Gentlewomans pocket, we soon found what we came for, the two hundred pound, and so marched off without any stay, or the l [...]ast interruption: the Coach-man stayed below in the Hall, where he had made a strict search, and had likewise plundred something from thence which after turned little to his profit: but we all left the hou [...]e with the doors open, and marched with the spoi [...]s of the field, bag and baggage, to a house about a mile distant, where they were so courte­ous as to give me fifteen pound out of the profits of their Adventure. I (being sensible that I was well enough paid, in regard of the Gold and other things I had concealed) thankfully received it, and so left them, marching on further to the next great To [...]n, where the next day I understood a great Fair was to be kept, and therefore I thought that place the most fitting to conceal my self in, and be freest from suspition, I got in a Barn and rested my self, taking some sleep; but was much disturb­ed, being in great fear lest some misfortune might [Page 134] befall me; And to the end that I might be the freer from suspect, in case of a Hue and cry, I went to a Sales-mans Booth, which was in the Fair▪ and fur­nished we with a sad coloured Sute and Cloak, Ci­tizen like, that I might pass for such a one if occasi­on were my old cloaths I left behind me in the Barn where I stripped my self. Thus did I escape all danger, but my Companions fared worse than I, for the covetous Coach-man not having any thing else whereon to exercise himself; stole a Looking-glass which was below stairs, while we were above, and to conceal it from the rest of his Companions, put it in his Codpiece. When they had sufficiently stayed at the house where I left them, and had shared the prize they went to go homewards, but being flustred with the Bottles of Wine they had for joy drank off, they made it so long, that it was seven of the Clock in the morning ere they parted, and then were they overtaken by the Hue and cry, with a Constable who though he knew the Coach-man very well, and did not suspect him; yet seeing him and his two companions [...]o flustred, and somewhat to hang out at the knees of the Coach-mans Breeches, they made some stay, asking whether he had latel [...] been at some Wedding and had Bride-laces, which he had put in his breeches. The Coach-man being some­what blank [...]d at this discovery, knew not what an­swer readi [...]y to return: This cau [...]ed them to exa­mine him who they were that were his companions, and where they had been? They were all now deeplier surprized than before, which gave so great suspition that occasioned a search, and in the end they found what they sought for, (the Money;) and that which hung out at the coach-mans bree­ches, were some Ribbonds that were fastned to [Page 135] the Looking Glass. Upon this Discovery they were all Apprehended, carried before a Justice, and upon examination being found directly guilty, com­mitted to Goal This did I hear of at the Fair that Afternoon as I was drinking in a booth: At the re­cital of this story, if any one had observed me, they might have easily conjectured that I was concerned therein; for I was possessed with so much fear, that I looked like one rather dead then alive: but there was no occasion to suspect me, for the three others my companions being taken and with them the great­est part of the money, there was no occasion to make any further enquiry. [...]hen did I bless my good for­tune that I had left them so suddenly, and was so much out of danger, and that Evening I proceeded further on in my way towards London; but being well fur­nished with Silver and Gold, I took up my Quar­ters in a very good Inn, where I had a good Sup­per and soft bed: and slept very well, considering the trouble I was in. At this Inn I stayed several days to hear what would become of my compa­nions, [...]or the Assizes were then at hand. I received this satisfaction, that they being Tryed, were all cast for their Lives; the coach-man hanged, and the other two were to be transported. This was the end of my piece of Thievery, and I did then resolve never to hazard my self again in such matters, lest I came o [...]f with as bad succeess as the Coach-man. I stayed so long in this Inn, pretending to wait the coming of a [...]ister of mine, that one day who should arrive there but the Maid-servant who lived with the Plaisterer I had served, and as I sup­pose was the cause of his drowning: now was I in greater fear then before, for I had lately escaped hanging for theft; and now expected it for mur­ther; [Page 136] and I knew that this Wench was malicious enough against me, and would rather [...]jure me by her exclamations, than secure me by her silence; I therefore intended to give her the go-by, but could not, for she had now cast her eye upon me and discovered me, and came straight up to me to speak with me. How now, says she, you have made a fair Ramble! Is it not time to return? Well said I; be silent a little, and let me speak with you in pri­vate; and thereupon taking her by the hand, I led her into a private Room; where calling for some dr [...]nk, I enquired of her how all our friends did, and more particular for my Master. Why, said she, you know well enough that he is dead. At this word I was more dead than alive, neither was I for the present able to ask her any more questions.

The Drink being brought in, she drank to me; Well, said she, however I am glad to see you here; so am not I (thought I:) but recovering my lost senses I demanded of her how long my Master had been dead. She replyed, a fortnight. Nay▪ thought I, then the Case is not so bad as I suspect­ed, and therefore I proceeded in questioning of her how he died, and many other questions. She an­swered, that he died of a Feavour, which kept him not above fourteen days sick; and he being dead, she was now returning into the Country to visit her Friends.

Now was I fully satisfied that I needed not fear any danger, wherefore I called for a Bottle of Canary, which we drank off, and she related to me that he was not much hurt by the fall that I gave him for he went again to work the next day, and had made much enquiry after me, but as yet in vain. I told her that [Page 137] I indeed doubted that he had been drowned by the fall which he had received into the water, and there­fore had absented my self ever since from London, wandring up and down in several Disguises; But, said I, I will now go to London again but never to serve out my Time at that Trade; for if I come upon a Scaffold again, I shall be much frighted with the remembrance of that disaster. She told me▪ that now indeed I was free to dispose of my self since my Master was dead, and might chuse my Trade and Master.

Thus did we spin out several hours of that day and night together till it was time to go to Bed, and then we parted; she the next morning pro­ceeded in her Journey into the Country, and I pursuing my resolutions of going to London, like­wise went forward. But by the way met with an Adventure, which I shall relate to you.

I was now resolved nothing should hinder me from proceeding in my Journey to London, and that I might get thither the sooner, I endeavoured to borrow a horse, but could not procure one, I being a stranger, every Person was unwilling to trust me: but at noon-day staying for a bait, I happened into the company of a Trooper, who was likewise tra­velling to London; we dined together, and he asking whither I was going? I told him he said he should be glad of my company. I said, that would be very pleasing to me if I might enjoy his; but I could not because he was better furnished for a Journey than I, being provided with a Horse, and I on Foot; he told me that inconveniency might be supplyed, for there were Horses in the Stable to be let. I told him that I would give any consideration for the hire of one, and that he, if acquainted, might do me much [Page 138] kindness in procuring one for me: he seeing me full of Money, quickly procured me a Horse, en­gaging himself that I should leave the beast at his London quarters. My Host being well acquainted with him, and he being to ride along with me, was contented: and I paying five shillings for his hire, had the horse delivered to me, and on his back I mounted, thinking my self to be some brave fellow: As we rid along together▪ we overtook a female Creature, young and handsome, in somewhat an antient decayed, but Gentile garb. The Trooper being a notable well experienced blade, soon fell into discourse with her▪ and found her to be a Rambling Baggage, whose journey was now in­tended for London, and would be glad of our com­pany, were she accommodated with a horse: to that I offered her my service, and agreed that she should ride behind me; to which she assenting, soon mounted; and now we merrily put on, holding a pleasant discourse with our female companion. I had a great desire to take a better view of her than I could, being thus on Horse-back together, and therefore perswaded the Trooper to make a halt at the next Town which we came to, where we all dismoun [...]ed, and I saluted my Lady, who kindly received my courtesie. The Trooper after some discourse, wa [...] well enough acquainted with the Lady, having oftentimes been merry with her, and others, at the house where she lodged in Lon­don. He call'd me on one side, and told me, that she was a per [...]on whom he had been formerly ac­quainted with, and so might I too if I would, and if I had any desire thereto, he could and would assist me

I told him he had done me many kindnesses in [Page 139] the small time of my acquaintance, and now he had offered that which exceeded all; for indeed I was much taken with her beauty, and very de [...]irous I was to enjoy her.

Well, said he, let us be going from hence, and make you your bargain with her as you ride along by the way, and I will take such care in the busi­ness that you shall be entertained as Man and Wife at my quarters, and there lie together. I was in [...]nitely glad of this his kind prosfer, and thankfully accepted thereof; and so after some little longer stay, we again mounted our steeds and put forwards: according to his instruction I courted my Mistress, and without much difficulty obtained her promise to permit me to lye with her, and so we rid on till we arrived at the Troopers quarters▪ where he told his Landlady, that he had brought her some guests; for this young [...]an and his Wife, (said he) pointing to us, will stay here all night: they shall be we come said the Hostess, and so a supper was provided; for as we did eat and drink with a very good appetite, and my Land [...]ady did accompany us, who I found was ve [...]y well respect­ed, and [...]amiliar with the Trooper; and bed time being come which I [...]ad much de [...]ired, I and my Lady went to bed, neither did the Trooper [...]ie alone, for our Landlady was his bedfellow; how he spent the night I know not, but I am sure for our parts we slept but little, for it was the first time that I ever enjoy [...]d a Woman naked in my arms all night, and I was ra­vished with delight, never having had so much plea­sure. My bed-fellow was well enough contented with the entertainment I gave her; we discoursed of one anothers [...]ortunes▪ but whether she told me the truth of hers, I know not, but I disguised mine wholly from her, not thinking it fit to make her acquainted [Page 140] with my late adventures: she told me, that the occa­sion of her late travel was this, that she and two Women more of her acquaintance had been perswaded by three Gentlemen to a ramble, and had gone-down to such a City in a Coach, that they had for some time continued together as three men and wives a [...] an Inn, and there had enjoyed a full plenty of eve­ry thing; but at length the three Gentlemen had base­ly left them to pay a great reckoning in a strange place, and all they had would not make the one half of it, that they had for some time waited in expecta­tion of the return of their friends, but in vain, o that at last it was agreed that one of us, said she, should go f [...]r London, and procure money to redeem the rest, and the lot falling on me, I have prosecuted the jour­ney; and hope to raise money to releive and redeem my companions. I hearing this story was sensibly troubled thereat and offered her my assistance, and she so far prevail'd with me, that I le [...]t her five pound to send to her companions, she promi [...]ing me to con­tinue either there, or at any other p [...]ace with me so long as I should please and at our coming to her quar­ters at London to repay me my mony with many thanks. To all this I agreed, and the next day she conveyed mo [...] part of the mony to her companions by a [...]oach that travelled [...]ither: and thu [...] did I enjoy this Lady for many nights together, and lying at Rack and Manger: the Hor [...]e I [...]ent back at the directions of the Trooper, who like [...]ise continued with his Hoste [...]s, a [...]d only my purse paid for all; but indeed we lived sparingly enough, the Trooper be­ing one of the honeste [...]t Travellers that ever I met with. The Coach-man who carried the money to the a [...]licted and distressed Damoysels, returned, and with him the Ladies, very glad of their safe [...]e [...]urn, [Page 141] and very thankful were they, not only to their companions who sent it, but also to me of whom she said she procured it, and now we [...]ll thought of removing to London, but one night more we lay at o [...]r old quarters, where I had the greatest frolick I was ever guilty of, for that night I kist with all three of the women, and pleased them round, by giving each of them a tryal of my skill. Wha [...] now could I desire to enjoy further? I thought my self to be as brave a fellow as the great Turk in his Seraglio, he having but his choice of Women. which I now enjoyed to my f [...]ll content. But mor­ning coming, we took leave of our Hostess, and the Trooper, and all four taking Coach, soon came to London, where I took up my Quarters with my three Damsels, who made very much of me, and in­deed they were the ho [...]estest Wenches, and I had the best frolick that I ever had in my life, but in time I was weary of this life, for what man can last out always? And I finding my pocket begin to shrink, bethought me that it was fit to leave off in time, for all my Silver was gone; and ten pound of my twenty pound in Gold: but I selling my Watch and Rings raised ten pound more; with this stock of twenty pound I was resolved to retire, and fit my self for some employment. My three Ladies never offered to return me the five pound I had lent them, neither indeed could I handsomely expect it; for they had been very liberal in their expences, and had declined all other company to accommodate me. They heard of their three Gentlemen who had tra­pan [...]d them in the Country, and so wisely plaid their Cards that they gained all their money again, I ass [...]sting them, and pretending the man of the house had assigned the money to me. I scorned to pocket [Page 142] any of it, but gave it amongst them; and so being re­solved to take another course of life, I retired my self from them: and to the end that I might be fitted for an employment, I hired one who was well known therein, to teach me to write more perfectly than I could formerly, as also Arithmetick; I likevvise hired several Books of a Stationer, for vvhich I gave him so much per week; These being chiefly Knight-Erran­try and Romances, I took much pleasure therein. I had a mind to diversion and went to visit my Damoy­selles and thus did I live the pleasantest life in the World; but I had so much reason as to think that things vvould not last long as they vvere, and I had no inclination to stealing, more vertuous thoughts had now possessed me, and therefore a Trade being the only thing that vvould maintain me; I enquired for one, and setled my self, as you shall hear in the next Chapter.


He being new come to London, puts himself Prentice to a Taylor; he gets acquaintance with Prentices of all sorts; is with them at their Tavern-frollicks: he is employed by a Scrivener to make Cloaths for a Wench, he goes with him to her, and returning, the Scrivener promises him an account of that trade; the Scrivener recounts the Waggeries he committed the first three years of his Apprenticeship, and his Masters first cheats by counterfeiting a Seal.

BEing now tome to London, I was resolved not to be idle, but settle my self to some one Trade, that I might be able to get a living; and having al­ready had tryal of several at fitst a Barber-Surgeon, then a Tapster, a Cook a Lock smith. Taylor, Baker and Plaisterer: and being still forced for some reason or other to leave them all, did now resolve to fix up­on one that should do my business, and vvhereby I might at all times, and in all plaees, be able to live by my hands, for Lands I had none. I considered of all the Trades I had already been a practitioner in, and many others none suited so vvell vvith my humour as that of a Taylor; wherefore I sought for several Masters, but they vvere all unvvilling to take me for less than seven years, it being the custom of London that none can be bound for less time, nor be made a Free-man till they have served so long. I vvas un­willing [Page 144] to bind my self on those terms, knowing my temper was variable, and did believe, I should not hold out to serve such a term: but after several enquiries and tryals, I did light upon a Master who was willing to take me for five years, only this I per­swaded him to do in regard I already had a good hand in working and being industrious in my employment, so that though I was bound for seven years, yet I had a Writing under my Masters hand; that the last two years I should dispose of my self as I pleased, and yet he could make me a Free-man at seven years end.

My Master was not only a Taylor, but kept a Brokers Shop, wherein he sold all sorts of Cloaths, new and old; He lived in one of the prineipallest Streets of the City, and was in good esteem with his Neighbours, who were all persons of some quality not of the meaner sort but substantial Trades-men, as Goldsmiths, Grocers, Drugsters, Scriveners, Statio­ners &c and I (being now well fitted with Cloaths, and having m [...] pockets pretty well lined with money which I had still kept by me) was a fit and welcome Companion to the best sort of Apprentices, in whose society I did soon insinuate my self, and having mo­ney to spend equal with the best, I came acquainted with a whole Gang of such Blades that all my for­mer knowledge was nothing in comparison to vvhat I soon experimented from them; for their Masters be­ing of the vvealthiest sort of Citizens, and keeping Country-houses at Newington, Hackney, Stepney, &c. they often had opportunity in their absence to meet and keep their Club or general Rendezvous, vvhich vvas commonly every other night, at one of the Taverns near adjoyning: and my Master (vvho did well enough understand that I was frequently a­broad [...] [Page 143] behold, my face all smearen, my cloaths set full with patches upon the whole cloth, a red clout upon my leg, and supporting my body with a staff, as if I had been a meer cripple. Many a mile we rambled, yet keeping still in our own station, for fear of the Vp­right-man: but my counterfeit Plea for begging was at last discovered, and to all my dainties, I had whip­ping chear added; for going one day not far off from a Farm house, the stragling Hens invited me to have a throw at them with my staff, and having struck one of them, I had forgotten my lameness, but very nimbly ran and took her up, putting her under my pacht Coat, where I had a bag sewed in that was a receptacle for all stollen goods. It chanced that the Farmer himself was then on the other side of the hedge, who undiscover'd by me, saw my activity in the stealing of his Hen, and was resolved, though I put it up, that he would not. But I dreading no­thing, thinking my self unseen, went directly to the House, and as soon as I came into the yard, fell to my old trade, leaning on my staff, and drawing my leg after me, as if scarce able to stand, much less to run. Having gotten to the door, I began to set up my tone with a Good tender hearted people, be pleased to be­stow your charity upon a poor miserable wretch that is both lam [...] and hungry; one penny of silver to buy him salve for his sore leg, or one morsel of victuals to put in­to his belly that hath had nothing come in it this couple of days. No sooner had I ended my Maunding, think­ing to mump the Farmer out of some money, or at leastwise some bread to my Hen, but he having watch'd me now, seiz'd hold on my arm, and told me, that though it might be true that I had not latel [...] eaten, yet he saw I was resolved to be better provided for the [Page 144] future, and so turning back my Coat, discover'd my bag, where was not only the Hen, but some other provant I had lately purchased. I finding my self caught, would gladly have given him the slip, but some of his servants, as well as himself, stop'd me, without any more ado, the Harman-beck was sent for, who being a Neighbour, quickly came, and by this time, I had a great train of Boys and Girls to attend me: I needed not much Examination being thus taken in the manner, but however, they were all desirous to see my sore Leg; I was forced to let them do what they would with me, knowing there was no remedy but patience, suffer'd them to unrowl and take off the Clouts and Rowlers that was upon it, when coming to the skin, that was as whole and as sound as a fish; but though my Leg was well and whole, my Heart was now almost broken with consideration of what they would do with me; some proposed one punish­ment, and some another, but at length to the Whip­ping-Post I was led, where my Doublet and shirt be­ing stript off, my back was so long lac'd with a Cart­whip, that I caper'd and flownc'd like a Horse in a Quagmire, and I was as fast too, being hand-cuffed so that I could not stir. It was well it was the Spring time, for I lost Blood enough to purge away the gross humours without the help of a Surgeon; that office being supplied by a Thrasher, who took as much pains upon me, as would have Thrash'd a Bushel of Pease; but at length there was a Cessation, and a new Parlee began, wherein it was propounded, that further course should be taken with me, and considering that there was a kind of Felony committed upon the Hen, they advis'd, and agreed to lead me to the next Justice of the Peace to have his Judgment in the Case, tho I [Page 145] thought it unreasonable to suffer Punishment first, and then to be Judged; yet it was to no purpose to complain, and all I could say, would not prevail with them to let me go, but they would conduct me to the Justice, so that I having put on my Cloaths, my shirt stuck to my back, and made me sensible that I had lost leather, but for all that, on I must, and the Justice living a mile off, the Thrasher who had lash'd me, and two or three others, made Holliday to at­tend me: when we came before the Justice, he hear­ing that I had been punished already, was pleased, at my opportunity, to acquit me from any other, and onely to make a Pass to send me home to London, being the place where I told them I was born: I not having power to contradict, was forced to consent to what was commanded, and that Constable attending me out of his Liberties to another Constable, left me: This new Constable, who now had me in keeping, not being willing to go further with me, for that Night put me up in the Cage, where I was lock'd up, but not so safely, but I made shift to break out, and tra­velling all Night, by the next morning, I was far e­nough off for them to o'retake me, for all that day I conceal'd my self in a Wood, and when Night came, I proceeded on my Journey; but it so happened, that on the second Night of my Travel, about Midnight, I was overtaken with three Persons, who demanded where I was going, I told them any whither; they asked me, what I was, I replied, a wretched Person whom Fortune had Persecuted, and therefore I was indifferent whether I went, or what I did. Hearing me say so, they retired to consult about their affairs, and then one of them coming up to me, demanded se­veral questions of me concerning my late course of [Page 146] life; To all these questions I returned them such an­swers, as caused them to conclude me a Rambler, and therefore fit for their Society, and therefore they asked me if I were willing to hazard my self in enter­prising somewhat, that though it might be something dangerous, yet it should be very profitable. To this I answered, that they should soon find my willingness expressed in the boldness of my actions, and if secon­ded or assisted by them, I should act any thing they would direct and appoint.

They hearing my Reso [...]ution, soon consented to admit me into their Society, and acquainted me with their present purpose, which was to Rob a house not far from that place: They told me that I must be va­liant and bold, (not in fighting) for they knew they should meet with little occasion to exercise any wea­pon, but in entring the House, and performing other such matters as they should instruct me in. I told them I consented to what they should propose, and therefore desired them to tell me what part I was to act in this Enterprize, and as for a part of the pur­chase, I should leave that to them, which I desired them to give me as I should deserve. Then one of these persons told me, that he was very well acquain­ted in the house, and gave me an account of the seve­ral ways and passages into every Room, and who was lodged in such Chambers. In fine, I discovered that there was but two Men, and three Women-kind in the House, and he being a Coachman, had lately brought the Master of the house home with two hun­dred pound, of which he had a desire to Rob him▪ and therefore had joyned these two persons with him in the confederacy. Being thus instructed, we pro­ceed, and being Arrived at the house, I was put in at [Page 147] a window, and directed how to open the doors, which I did, the Coachman stayed below-stairs, and we o­ther three by his directions went up into the Cham­bers, the doors we soon opened, and coming to the Bed-side, where the Master of the house and his Wife was, we drawing our Swords, (for I had the Coach­mans delivered to me) opened our dark Lanthorns, and seeing the man and woman, without many words, we bound and gagg'd them; and they leaving me to watch them, went into the other Chambers to do the like by the rest: I being left alone in this Room, was not idle, but rummaged about, and found a Gold Watch, a few Rings, and twenty pieces of Gold, these I secured for my self, and soon after my companions returned, wh [...]n taking the Keyes out of the Gentle­womans Pocket, we soon found what we came for, the two hundre [...] pounds, and so marched off without any stay, or the least interruption: the Coachman stayed below in the Hall, where he had made a strict search, and had likewise plundred something from thence which a [...]ter turned little to his profit: but we all left the house with the doors open, and marched with the spoils of the field, bag and baggage, to a house a­bout a mile distant, where they were so courteous as to give me fifteen, pound out of the profits of their Adventure. I (being sensible that I was well enough paid, in regard of the Gold and other things I had conceal'd) thankfully received it, and so left them, marching on further to the next great Town, where the next day I understood a great Fair was to be kept, and therefore I thought that place the most fitting to conceal my self in, and be freest from suspition. I got in a Barn and rested my self, taking some sleep; but was much disturb­ed, [Page 148] being in great fear lest some mis-fortune might befall me: And to the end that I might be the freer from suspect, in case of a Hue and Cry, I went to a Sales mans Booth which was in the Fair, and fur­nish'd me with a sad couloured Sute and Cloak, Ci­tizen-like, that I might pass for such a one if occa­sion were; my old Cloathes I left behind in the Barn where I stripped my self. Thus did I escape all danger, but my companions fared worse than I, for the covetous Coach man not having any thing else whereon to exercise himself, stole a Looking-glass which was below stairs, while we were above, and to conceal it from the rest of his Companions, put it in his Codpiece. When they had sufficient­ly stayed at the House where I left them, and had shared the prize, they went to go homewards, but being flustred with the Bottles of Wine they had for joy drank off, they made it so long, that it was se­ven of the Clock in the Morning ere they parted, and then were they overtaken by the Hue and Cry, with a Constable, who thought he knew the Coach-man very well, and did not suspect him, yet seeing him and his two Companions so flustred, and some­what to hang out at the knees of the Coach-man's Breeches, they made some stay, asking whether he had lately been at some Wedding and had Bride-Laces, which he had put in his Breeches. The Coach-man being somewhat blank'd at this disco­very, knew not what answer readily to return: This caused them to examine him who they were that were his Companions, and where they had been? They were all now deeplier surprized than before, which gave such great suspition, that occasio­ned a Search, and in the end they found what they [Page 149] sought for, (the Money;) and that which hung out at the Coach-mans Breeches, were some Rib­bons that were fastned to the Looking-glass. Upon this Discovery they were all Apprehended, carried before a Justice, and upon examination being found directly Guilty, committed to Goal. This did I hear of at the Fair that afternoon as I was drinking in a Booth: At the recital of this story, if any one had observed me, they might easily have conjectu­red that I was concerned therein; for I was pos­sessed with so much fear, that I looked like one ra­ther dead then alive: but there was no occasion to suspect me, for the three others my Companions being taken, and with them the greatest part of the money, there was no occasion to make any further enquiry. Then did I bless my good fortune that I had left them so suddenly, and was so much out of danger, and that evening I poceeded further on in my ways towards London; but being well fur­nished with Silver and Gold, I took up my Quar­ters in a very good Inn, where I had a good Sup­per and saft Bed, and slept very well, considering the trouble I was in. At this Inn I stay'd several days to hear what would become of my Compani­ons, for the Assizes were then at hand. I received this satisfaction, that they being Tryed, were all cast for their Lives; the Coach-man hang'd, and the other two were to be transported. This was the end of my peice of Thievery, and I did then re­solve never to hazard my self again in such matters, lest I came off with as bad success as the Coach-man. I stayed so long in this Inn, pretending to wait the coming of a Sister of mine, that one day who should arrive there but the Maid-servant who lived with [Page 150] the Plaisterer I had Served, and as I suppose was the cause of his drowning: now was I in greater fear than before, for I had lately escaped hanging for theft, and now expected it for murther; and I knew that this wench was malicious enough against me, and would rather injure me by her exclamati­ons, than secure me by her silence; I therefore in­tended to give her the go-by, but could not, for she had now cast her Eye upon me, and discovered me, and came straight up to me to speak with me. How now says she, you have made a fair Ramble! Is it not time to return? Well said I, be silent a little, and let me speak with you in private; and thereupon taking her by the hand, I led her into a private room, where calling for some drink, I enqui­red of her how all our Friends did, and more parti­cular for my Master Why said she, you know well enough that he is dead. At this word I was more dead than alive, neither was I for the present able to ask her any more questions.

The Drink being brought in, she drank to me; Well, said she, however I am glad to see you here; so am not I (thought I:) but recovering my lost senses, I demanded of her how long my Master had been dead, she replyed, a fortnight, nay, thought I, then the Case is not so bad as I suspected, and there­fore I proceeded in questioning of her how he died, and many other questions, she answered, that he died of a Feaver, which kept him not above fourteen days sick, and he being dead, she was now returning into the countrey to visit her Friends.

Now was I fully satisfied that I needed not fear any danger, wherefore I called for a Bottle of Canary, which we drank off, and she related to me, that he [Page 151] was not much hurt by the fall that I gave him, for he went again to work the next day, and had made much enquiry after me, but as yet in vain. I told her, that I indeed doubted that he had been drowned by the fall which he had received into the water, and therefore had absented my self ever since from London, wandering up and down in several Disguises: But, said I, I will now go to London again, but never to serve out my Time at that Trade; for if I come upon a Scaffold again, I shall be much frighted with the re­membrance of that Disaster. She told me, that now I was free to dispose of my self since my Master was dead, and might chuse my Trade and Master.

Thus did we spin out several hours of that day and night together, till it was time to go to Bed, and then we parted; she the next morning proceeded in her Journey into the Country, and I pursuing my reso­lutions of going to London, likewise went forward, but by the way, met with an Adventure, which I shall relate to you in the next Chapter.


In his Iourney to London, he overtakes a Trooper and a Wench, he lyes with her and two more of her Companions, and after this Frollick, he goes with them all to London.

I Was now resolved nothing should hinder me from proceeding in my Journey to London, and that I might get thither the sooner, I endeavoured to bor­row a Horse, but could not procure one, I being a [Page 152] stranger, every person was unwilling to trust me: but at noon-day, staying for a bait, I happened into the company of a Trooper, who was likewise travelling to London, we dined together, and he asking whither I was going, I told him: he said he should be glad of my company: I said, it would be very pleasing to me, if I might enjoy his, but that I could not, because he was better furnish'd for a Journey than I was, being provided with a horse, and I on foot: he told me, that inconveniency might be supplied, for there were hor­ses in the Stable to be let: I told him, that I would give any consideration for the hire of one, and that he, if acquainted, might do me much kindness in pro­curing me a Horse, engaging himself that I should leave the Beast at his London quarters. My Host being well acquainted with him, and he being to Ride along with me, was contented: and I paying five shillings for his hire, had the Horse delivered to me, and on his back I mounted, thinking my self to be some brave fellow: As we rid along together, we overtook a Female creature, young and handsome, in somewhat an ancient decayed, but Gentile garb. The Trooper being a notable well experienced blade, soon fell into discourse with her, and found her to be a Rambling Baggage, whose journey was now inten­ded for London, and would be glad of our company, were she accommodated with a Horse: to that I of­fered her my service, and agreed that she should Ride behind me, to which she assenting, soon moun­ted, and now we merrily put on, holding a pleasant discourse with our Female companion: I had a great desire to take a better view of her than I could, being thus on Horse-back together, and therefore perswa­ded the Trooper to make a halt at the next Town, [Page 153] which we came to, where we all dismounted, and I saluted my Lady, who kindly received my Courtesie. The Trooper after some discourse, was well enough acquainted with the Lady, having oftentimes been merry with her, and others, at the house where she lodged in London. He call'd me on one side, and told me, that she was a person whom he had been formerly acquainted with, and so might I too, if I would, and if I had any desire thereto, he could and would assist me.

I told him he had done me many kindnesses in the small time of my acquaintance, and now he had offered that which exceeded all; for indeed, I was much taken with her Beauty, and very desirous I was to enjoy her.

Well, said he, let us be going from hence, and make you your bargain with her as you ride along by the way, and I will take such care in the business, that you shall be entertained as Man and Wife at my quarters, and there lie together. I was infinitely glad of this his kind proffer, and thankfully accepted thereof, and so after some little longer stay, we again mounted our Steeds, an put forwards: according to his instruction, I courted my Mistress, and without much difficulty, obtained her promise to permit me to lie with her, and so we Rid on till we arrived at the Troopers quarters, where he told his Landlady, that he had brought her some Guests, for this young Man and his Wife, (said he) pointing to us, will stay here all night; they shall be welcome said the Hostess, and so a Supper was provided; for as we did eat and drink with a very good appetite, and my Landlady did accompany us, who I found was very well respect­ed, and familiar with the Trooper; and Bed-time [Page 154] being come, which I much desired, I and my Lady went to Bed, neither did the Trooper lie alone, for our Landlady was his Bed-fellow; how he spent the Night I know not, but I am sure for our parts, we slept but little, for it was the first time that I ever en­joy'd a Woman naked in my Armes all Night, and I was ravished with delight, never having had so much pleasure. My Bed-fellow was well enough contented with the entertainment I gave her; we discoursed of one anothers Fortunes, but whether she told me the truth of hers, I know not, but I disguised mine wholly from her, not thinking it fit to make her ac­quainted with my late adventures; she told me, that the occasion of her late Travel was this, That she and two Women more of her acquaintance, had been perswaded by three Gentlemen to a Ramble and had gone down to such a City in a Coach, that they had for some time continued as three Men and Wives at an Inn, and there had enjoyed a full plenty of every thing; but at length the three Gentlemen had basely left them to pay a great Reckoning in a strange place, and all they had, would not make the one half of it; that they had for some time waited in expectation of the return of their friends, but in vain, so that at last it was agreed, that one of us, said she, should go for London, and procure money to redeem the rest, and the lot falling on me, I have prosecuted the Journey, and hope to raise money to relieve and redeem my Companions. I hearing this Story, was sensibly troubled thereat, and offered her my assistance, and she so far prevail'd with me, that I lent her five pound to send to her companions, she promising me to continue either there, or at any other place with me, so long as I should please, and at our coming to [Page 155] her quarters at London, to repay me my money with many thanks. To all this I agreed, and the next day she conveyed most part of the money to her Com­panions by a Coach that travelled thither: and thus did I enjoy this Lady for many Nights together, and lying at Rack and Manger: The Horse I sent back at the directions of the Trooper, who likewise conti­nued with his Hostess, and only my Purse paid for all, but indeed we lived sparingly enough, the Trooper being one of the honestest Travellers that I ever met with. The Coach-man who carried the money to the afflicted and distressed Damoyselles, returned, and with him the Ladies, very glad of their safe return, and very thankful were they, not only to their com­panions who s [...]nt it, but also to me, of whom she said, she procured it, and now we all thought of removing to London, but one night more we lay at our old quarters, where I had the greatest frollick I was ever guilty of, for that Night I kist with all three of the Women, and pleased them round, by giving each of them a tryal of my skill. What now could I desire to enjoy further? I thought my self to be as brave a [...]ellow as the great Turk in his Seraglio, he having but his choice of Women, which I now enjoyed to my full content. But morning coming, we took leave of our Hostess and the Trooper, and all four taking Coach, soon came to London, where I took up my Quarters with my three Damosels, who made very much of me, and indeed they were the honestest Wenches, and I had the best Frollick that I ever had in my life, but in time I was weary of this life, for what Man can last out always? And I finding my Pocket be­gin to shrink, bethought me that it was fit to leave off in time, for all my Silver was gone, and ten pound [Page 156] of my twenty pound in Gold: but I selling my Watch and Rings, raised ten pound more; with this stock of Twenty pound I was resolved to retire, and fit my self for some employment. My three Ladies never offered to return me my five pounds I had lent them, neither indeed could I handsomely expect it; for they had been very liberal in their expences, and had declined all other company to accommodate me. They heard of their three Gentlemen who had tra­pan'd them in the Countrey, and so wisely plaid their Cards, that they gained all their money again, I as­sisting them, pretending the man of the House had assigned the money to me. I scorned to Pocket any of it, but gave it amongst them, and so being resolved to take another course of life, I retired my self from them: and to the end that I might be fitted for an employment, I hired one who was well known therein, to teach me to write more perfectly than I could formerly, as also Arithmetick; I likewise hired se­veral Books of a Stationer, for which I gave him so much per week; they being chiefly Knight Errantry and Romances, I took much pleasure therein. I had a mind to diversion, and went to visit my Damoysel­les, and thus did I live the pleasantest life in the world; but I had so much reason as to think, that things would nor last long as they were, and I had no inclination to stealing, more virtuous thoughts had now possessed me, and therefore a Trade being the only thing that would maintain me, I enquired for one, and setled my self, as you shall hear in the next Chapter.

[Page] [Page]

The Extravagant Prentices with their Lasses at a Taverne Frollick.


He being now come to London, puts himself Prentice to a Taylor; he gets acquaintance with Prentices of all sorts, is with them at their Tavern-frollicks: he is employed by a Scrivener to make Cloaths for a Wench, he goes with them to her, and returning, promises him an account of that Trade.

BEing now come to London, I was resolved not to be idle, but settle my self to some one Trade, that I might be able to get a living; and having already had tryal of several, at first a Barber-Surgeon, then a Tapster, a Cook, a Lock smith, Taylor, Baker, and Plaisterer; and being still forced for some reason or other to leave them all, did now resolve to fix upon one that should do my business, and whereby I might at all times, and in all places, be able to live by my hands, for Lands I had none. I con­sidered of all the Trades I had already been a practi­tioner in, and many others, none suited so well with my humour, as that of a Taylor, wherefore I sought for several Masters, but they were all unwilling to take me for less than seven years, it being the custom of London that none can be bound for less time, nor be made a Free-man till they have served so long. I was unwilling to bind my self on those tearms, know­ing my temper was variable, and did believe, I should not hold out to serve such a tearm: but after several enquiries and tryals, I did light upon a Master, who was willing to take me for five years, only this I per­swaded [Page 158] him to do, in regard I already had agood hand in working, and being industrious in my imployment, so that though I was bound for seven years, yet I had a Writing under my Masters hand, that the last two years I should dispose of my self as I pleased, and yet he could make me a Free-man at seven years end.

My Master was not only a Taylor, but kept a Bro­kers shop, wherein he sold all sorts of Cloaths, new and old: He lived in one of the principallest Streets in the City, and was in good esteem with his Neigh­bours, who were all persons of some quality, not of the meaner sort, but substantial Trades-men, as Gold-smiths, Grocers, Drugsters, Scriveners, Stationers, &c. and I (being now well fitted with Cloaths, and having my Pockets pretty well lined with money, which I had kept by me) was a fit and welcome Companion to the best sort of Apprentices, in whose Society I did soon insinuate my self, and having money to spend equal with the best, I came acquainted with a whole Gang of such Blades, that all my former knowledge was nothing in comparison to what I soon experimen­ted from them; for their Masters being of the weal­thiest sort of Citizens, and keeping Countrey-houses at Newington, Hackney, Stepney, &c. they often had opportunity in their absence to meet, and keep their Club or general Randezvous, which was commonly every other night, at one of the Taverns near adjoy­ning: and my Master (who did well enough under­stand that I was frequently abroad, and in what com­pany I spent my time) did not in the least oppose, or contradict me therein; for I soon found that these young Jovial Blades, though Apprentices, yet they were my Masters best Customers, for there was none of them but had a Sute or two of Cloaths A la mode, [Page 159] which commonly lay at our house, which they put on when they had any Frollick out of Town, either at Christmas, Easter, or Whitsontide, or at any other time, when they pretending some urgent occasions, would give their Masters the slip.

Thus was I one of the Gang, and had liberty to be with them so often as I pleased, by the connivance of my Master, whose profit consisted in my acquain­tance with them; for I soon brought him some new Customers, out of whom he could squeez good store of money for making their Cloaths, and sometimes he made three or four Sutes at a time, yet had no money for his pains, but he was satisfyed otherwis [...] in Commodities, which were more to his profit; for the Mercer paid his Bill in stuffs, the Draper in Cloth, and the rest either in other good Commodi­ties, which they had of their Masters, or with which they were furnished by their Companions. When any of them intended a new Sute for himself, Friend, or Mistress, it was but summoning the Brethren of the Club together, and then the Mercer brought his Stuffs or Silks, the Milliner Buttons, Ribbons, and Lynings, for which they had in exchange such other Commodities as the others could produce: there was only two Trades that had little or no commodi­ties to exchange, and that was the Scrivener and Book [...]eller, and therefore I wondred from whence they should get to be so fine as the rest; but I ob­served what they wanted in Wares, was supplyed in Money, which was a Commodity would command every thing else. How they should get the Money I knew not, for I could not imagine that in making of Bills and Bonds, the Scrivener could cheat his Master of Money, or that the Bookseller could sell many [Page 160] books by the by, and put money in his own pockets, for I knew they were not so vendible a Commodity as Cloath, Silk, &c.

But one evening we being at our general Rendez­vous, where we had good Wine, and better compa­ny, being attended by two or three Suburbian Fe­males, who were the Doxies of our Comerades. The Scrivener (having the finest outside, being in his private Sute of Apparel, and having his pockets well lined with Maslin, of Gold and Silver) took occasion to court one of the Women not only pub­lickly but privately; and though she were till then a stranger to him, yet he won her from her other Friend, and to enduce her to be kind to him, he cal­led me to him, and ordered me to provide her a new gown and peticoat of flowred Tabbee, and immediat­ly calling to our Mercer who served us all, gave him as much money as the Silk was worth, and all the engagement he desired from the Bona Roba, was that he might have the first taking up of the peticoat, and then if she liked her old sweet-heart best, she might afterwards use her pleasure, either admitting him or t'other to her embraces, or either of them as she plea­ [...]ed, to this they all three agreed, and the Mercer who took about four pound for Silk was ordered (by a general vote) to spend forty shillings of the money for that present reckoning; and all the rest went Scot-free, and after a lusty cup of wine, some dishes of meat, and fidlars; they for that time broke up their meeting. This liberality and rather pro­digality of the Scrivener put me into some confusion, and very desirous I was to know how he gained so much money, wherefore I speedily procured the ap­parel to be made, and delivereth it to him to his con­tent, [Page 161] I so highly pleased him, that he desired me to go with him to the Ladies lodging who was to wear it. I accordingly waited on him thither, and she receiving him with much chearfulness, accepted it; it was soon put on, and it was not long before they re­tired out of the room wherein I was into another; where I suppose she was so curteous as to permit him not only to take up the peticoat, and somewhat else to his liking, but to dispose of her at his pleasure, for they stay'd together near an hour. Neither was I left alone, but had the old Matron of the house, and a young Bona Roba, to accompany me, where we were not Idle, but made the bottles of Sack and Ste­pony fly for it: when their business was over (and ours almost done, for we had so ply'd the liquor that our noddles were fuller of wine than wit) they brisk­ly entred the room where we were, and without any coyness fell stoutly to drinking; for seeing us neer thirty one, they with full bowls quickly put us out, so that I was enforced to go to sleep, which I supposed was about 3 hours, and waking, I found my Gallants wanting, but I believe they were not at all at that time idle; for upon inquiry and search, I found them in another Chamber together, where I suppose she had fully performed the agreement for her cloaths to the content of the Scrivener, who now after a fresh bottle of wine, and payment of the reckoning which was no small one, hearty farewels given, and taken of his Mistris, her companion, and the Matron, we left that house, and taking Coach ordered the Coach-man to drive to the next Tavern to my Master, where we called for a room, wine and a fire, he gave me an Angel for my days service, and shifting him­self, put on his ordinary, and gave me his best cloaths [Page 162] to lay up at my Masters, wishing him to acquaint him that I had been in his company, and that would be sufficient for my excuse: I thanked him for his kindness, and Civility, and told him that his bounty had so tyed me to him, that I should at all times be joyful if I might serve him: As for my bounty, said he, I shall for the future be more free to you, and for money you shall not want; for I am in a capa­city to furnish my friends, having the command of a great deal of cash which I know well enough how to order to my own advantage, and it is but reason that I should dispose of some as well as my Master; for it is in my power to strip him of the greatest part of his estate, and ruine him in his credit. I being in­quisitive after secrets, desired him to tell me how that Trade (which I supposed, only consisted in the making a few small writings) could be so profitable: To this he answered, and indeed it was true, they made not many writings, but dealt in much money, and his Master had an extraordinary way; for (per­sued he) if my Master wants two or three thousand pound, he can quickly command it, though he began with nothing, and indeed, had every Bird her feather, he hath no estate: But he hath such slights, wayes, and confederates, that he can do what he listeth. He hath one peice of Brass hath yielded him two thou­sand pound: that is much said I, and there must be more in your trade then I can imagine, and I would be very glad to be acquainted with some of your My­steries, and since you have promised me your friend­ship, whatever you shall relate to me, shall be surely and safely closeted up in my breast, and shall never by me be offered to your prejudice, and it may be some of your advice in your affairs may be profita­ble; [Page 163] for I have had much more experience in the world than you imagine. This discourse and some other arguments which I used, induced him to give me a re­lation of many passages of his life: But much of the Knaveries of that mysterious Trade, which discourse he began to me in this manner.


The Scrivener recounts the Waggeries he commit­ted the first three years of his Apprenticeship, and his Masters first Cheats, by counterfeiting a Seal.

WHen I came first to Prentice▪ my Master (by reason of the Wars, which caused a general deadness in Trading) had but little to do: but he being one of the confiding party, did thereby get acquaintance with several Rich men, and in short time, by reason of the pretended Sanctity, was en­trusted by a Usurer to put out five hundred pound, which he did to his content; for he had a Lease of a City Companies which cost seven hundred pound, assigned for security. My Master never having dealt in money before, and now finding the sweetness of Procuration, and making of Writings, longed to be at it again: but though he had moneys offered him to put out, yet he could not meet with any security to content; for personal security by reason of the casualty of the Wars, was generally disliked, and Land in the Country was for the same reason refused, and only Leases in London, or Lands about London, was counted sufficient and approved of, wherefore this Companies Lease, on which he had procured mo­nies, [Page 164] did run much in his head, wishing for such ano­ther security, and projecting somewhat, which since he had put in Execution, as I will tell you by and by: but I will first acquaint you how I behaved my self for the first three years of my time, whereby my Master took so good a liking to me, as to communi­cate his secrets to me. My Master was always good natur'd, and kind to me, but on the contrary, my Mi­striss was cross and froward, so that I could seldom get a good word from her, and she would still em­ploy me in several pieces of drudgery, as to carry burthens from London to our Countrey-house, and then I must bring back from thence fletten or skim'd Milk, on which we must feed two or three days in the week, when my Master would allow good roast Beef, which she would send for away: but I was [...]till even with her for her nigardliness, and when I came to the Country House, I would usually get my [...]hare of the Cream; and being a Lover of the Pies and Puddings, steal some from her. One time I being in the Larder, had a great mind to a bak'd Pudding that was there, but at first durst not meddle with it, because it was with other good cheer to be served up at the Table to Dinner, where were some guess: but for all that, the loveliness of the Pudding made me take my knife, and turning it upside down, cut out one half of it, and so turning it down again, left it to be served hollow to the Table: but I departed for London e're Dinner was served, I know not how the Maids came off. At other times when I came to the Countrey-house, if the Fruit of the Orchard were ripe, then the Gate was lock'd, and I was not admitted therein, but I would have my share by day or night; for I once invited some of my confederates [Page 165] to Church thither on a Sunday, and in the Sermon time went with them and Rob'd our own Orchard, which no body else durst attempt because of our Ma­stiff; nay, I went once from London at midnight, and having some of my Copesmates with me, I entred the Orchard, and fetcht out the fruit, which I would be sure should be of the best, and choicest of all the ground, and gave it to my companions, and so we returned loaden to London; and thus did I vex her for her nigardliness, and although my Master did well enough suspect me, yet he would only laugh at my Mistress when she was most passionately angry, and say, she was but rightly served. But at length my Master had a Son, who when I came first to Prentice was at a Boarding-School; but in time growing up, his Mother had a great desire to have him live at home and be a Clerk; for my Masters employment increasing, I gained moneys, and bought me some fine cloaths, and wore a Watch in my Pocket, at all which she was envious, and desirous that her Son might en­joy what I did, and therefore Bound he was to his Fa­ther, and though this happened three years after I came, yet such was the injustice that I had done me, that he was not only placed before me in a Seat, but I was commanded to make clean his Shoes, and attend him, as if he had not been a Servant. This though I was forced to comply with, yet I was resolved to be revenged of, and therefore set my wits to work; I did clean his Shoos, but in the edges, instead of greazing them, I anointed them with Aqua fortis, and he put­ting them on, and going to the further end of Lon­don, the Soles of his Shoos fell from the Upper-leathers, they being so eaten by the Aqua fortis, and he fate at the Coblers-stall whilst they were Randed [Page 166] together again. He was of so covetous a disposition (like his Mother) that though he had moneys in his Pocket, yet he would seldom spend any at the Ale-house, and therefore sate at the Coblers-stall two hours, whilst his Shoos were made fit for him to walk with, and then he came home, and was soundly chid­den by his Father, my Master, for his staying so long, which pleased me very well that he should be blamed for that fault whereof he had been so often guilty. He being of a sneaking peering humour, I could not be quiet for complaints he made of me, and by his applying himself close to his busine [...]s, he would dispatch as much writing as I did, though I could when I listed, do twice as much in the time, and when he had done, he would be mending and making his Pens ready a­gainst business came in, but I would spoil all his Pens by cutting one neb of them away somewhat shorter than the other, so that when he came to write, he had his Pens to mend or new make, and so curious he was, that his Ink must be in a particular Standish by its self, whereto I would often put Oyl, so that it would not write; and then for his Parchment, he would choose the best skins, and give me the worst and greasie, but I would in his absence greaze his Parch­ment by rubbing it with a Candles end. Many other inventions I had to hinder and cross him, I found two pair of his Gloves one time, and bestowed some Cow­lich in all the seams on the inside of them, so that he putting them on, his hands quickly fell to itching▪ and he to scratching, till they were all bloudy, and so hot, that he was forced to put them in a pail of water, and then he cut his Gloves in peices, that he might see what was in the inside, which was no small pleasure to me. He being a trouble and vexation to [Page 167] my fellow-servants as well as to me, they assisted me in my wageries and contrivances against him. In his Mothers absence at the Country House, he kept the key of the Cubbord and Buttery, to hinder us from the better sort of Victuals, but I soon got another key, and had my full share of every thing, and when mis­sed any thing, perswaded him, the Rats and Mice be­re [...]t him of it. When my Mistris came to Town she would have her Lodging in the Chamber over the Kitching, because she would hear if we sit up after her: Twas a good while er'e I could think of a way to cause her to remove her Lodging, but understanding that she could not endure Rats and Mice, I got a great dead Rat, and in the day time put it into her bed be­tween the sheets, so that she opening her bed to go in­to it, and seeing the Rat, was so extreamly affrigh­ted, that she immediately left her Lodging, and went into another Chamber: but she doubting that we would sit up a nights after she was gone to bed, as in­deed we often did, in Company of her Daughter, who was somewhat better condition'd than her Brother, and had many Junkets and Collations; she called her Son to watch, and he being willing to catch us, would come down part of the stairs softly in his shirt to list­en; but we discerning his practice, strewed the stairs with pease, and nointed the edges with soap, so that one night down he fell backwards, and almost brake his Rib with the fall, and gave us timely notice to shift away for our selves: his Mother hearing the noise, comming down her self to help him, was served in the same kind, I hearing of this, and all being dark, ran in my shirt and Breeches as if newly awaked, and instead of helping them, went to the stairs and wip'd and rub'd them, and conveyed most of the pease, so [Page 168] that my Master by that time being likewise up, and having a candle, did not distrust how they had been served, but helping them up, and I assisted my young Master to go to his Bed, the next day he concluded the House was haunted by Spirits: By this means we were rid of his watchings, for after he was once in his Chamber of a night, he seldom came out again to watch us. But he would commonly stay in the Kitching till he saw us all going to bed, neither would he permit me to come to the fire, upon which account we had a bus­sel, and I gave my Gentleman such a fall, that caused him to remember it a good while after: but his Mo­ther remembred me the next morning, for he having acquainted her with the matter, she took upon her to revenge it, which she did in this manner. I according to custom coming to the Cistern for water, to water the shop before I swept it, having one finger of one hand in the hole at the bottom of the bottle, and my t'other being employed in holding the bottle, & being stooping at the Cock of the Cistern, my Mistris came near me, and there standing by me in a Tub a parcel of durty clouts wherewith the maids had newly wash­ed down the stairs, she takes them up and flaps them about my face, so that I looked as durty as a Chim­ney-sweeper; and not contented therewith, she joul­ed my head against the Cistern: I thereupon standing upright and feeling my self wet, faced her, who now opening her mouth, made a great noise with her passi­onate exclamation against me for abusing her Son; I let her go on in her discourse, and apprehending a way to be even with her, coming very near her, let my fing­ger go from the bottom of the bottle, and holding it over her, it ran all upon her, so that she then having a great belly soon felt her self too wet through, and [Page 169] then she would have been at me again, but I shewed her a fair pair of heels, and ran away. Thus was I still even with them both, and my Master would sel­dom do any thing but laugh at what I did, taking much notice of my unhappy wit; for let her and her Son do all they could, I would be sure to have my share of the best sort of the Victuals; and she was of that dir­ty humor, that at Christmas when she made a Feast, and a great deal of good chear was drest for her guests, she would then afford us nothing but a dish of stew'd Turneps, Milk, Pottage, or at the best, a leg of Beef; and though much Victuals were left in Plat­ters, and on Trenchers, that she bestowed on the Wa­ter-bearer or Chair-woman, that they might report what a brave House she kept, and not a bit was given to us his Servants, unless she had kept it so long till it was mouldy or worse. Once I remember she pro­mised us some Plumb Pottage, and at the time she made two pots full, I asking the Maid wherefore so much was made? she informed me, that one pot full was much better than the other; I being told which was the best, when my Master and Mistress were at Dinner, got a good bason full of the best, and set it by for my self, and then mixed the rest, so that we had all alike. But to lay aside all these fooleries, and now to the purpose, my Master perceiveing me of a pretty smart wit, and fit for his purpose, he employed me in getting of a Seal made, the which I did, and it was like unto the Companies, which I told you was to the writing, upon which we lent 500l. He did not tell me the use of it at present, but I soon found it out; for not long after a Deed was made, and the Seal be­ing put to it, my Master caused one who was his con­federate to bring it to our shop at such a time, as he [Page 170] had a Usurer in his company who wanted security for Moneys. In comes our Gentleman, and calling my Master aside, asked him if he could procure 500l. upon such a Companies Lease; yes replied my Master, if it be a good one; whereupon the Lease was produced, and the Usurer being there present, looked on it, and liked it so well, that he agreed to lend 400 l. upon it: This at first would not please the Gentleman, because he pretended he was to pay 500 l. but the value of the Lease being counted and reckoned at no more than 600l. he was contented at my Masters perswasion to accept of 400 l. upon that security, and my Master promised him to furnish him with a 100 l. more on his Bond of another person, a Friend of his. Thus this business was made up, and an Assignment or Mort­gage being made of this Lease, the money was paid, and my Master, as I soon after understood, had 350 l. thereof, and the Gentleman 50 l. and I was likewise rewarded with Twenty shillings, which the Gentle­man gave me. Thus said the Scrivener, was my Ma­sters first beginnings in Cheating, which indeed was but small in comparison to those many great ones which he soon after acted; of which you shall have an account in the next Chapter.


He Discourses of several of his Masters Cheats, whereby he gets his Estate.

WIth this Stock of 350l. my Master set up all his Knaveries, and being unwilling to venture it all in one bottom, he let 100 l. of it in small sums to House-keepers, which they paid again by the week at least [Page 171] 40 l. per Cent. for the use of it; for if he lent five pound, they paid it by five shillings per week, and had but four pound ten shillings for their money, and my Master making the Bond in another mans name, he had commonly five shillings, and sometimes ten shil­lings for Procuration, and sometimes I had a shilling or two: thus did he dispose of some. Others he lent upon Commerce, which was thus: If he lent ten pound, he was to have fifteen pound for it on such a day, or the return of such a ship, which should first happen; and though there was no such ship in the world came home, yet the time would come, and then it must be paid; and this being counted an adventure, he could take what interest he pleased, as it is customary with Merchants to venture upon Bottomrie; that is, on the bottom or keel of the ship, and then for security of payment of the money, though the ship should mis­carry, they are wont to insure it at the Insurance-Office; but my Master needed no such charge or trouble for insuring any ship, for he was sure the day would come, though the ship never did; and thus did he make forty or fifty pound in the hundred: but he being once bit and sued in equity, afterwards took a more strict course, for he seldom lent any money thus but he would include in the Condition of the Bond a warrant to confess a Judgment upon default of payment: and to be sure when the time came, and the money not paid, he filled his Bond, which was warrant to confess Judgment, and thereby ob­tained a Scieri facias, to take execution on body or goods of the debtor, who little dreamt thereof, and then he seized all the penalty, to the undoing of some; and he seldom lent unto any, but he had two or three bound for security, and that he might not be blamed [Page 172] nor sued, he made his Bonds and Judgments in the name of one who was his Confederate, and was a Pri­soner in the Kings-Bench, so that when the penalty was recovered, it was to no purpose to sue him. And by degrees being now in Credit, and having moneys of other persons to dispose of, he would seldom lend any but upon morgages, because under the pretence of being paid for writings (which he would be sure to make large enough) he would sometimes take five pound for procuring a hundred, and say, though indeed six per Cent was as much as his friend the Usu­rer would take, yet he was forced every six moneths to present him with somewhat that should be equal to eight pound per Cent, and withal, that he was at charge not only to imploy one at the first to enquire of the Security, but he was at the charge of a Coach to go to see the Estate, and then he will reckon so much for his Pains, and so much for loss of Time, and so much for Writings, and so much for Expen­ces, and so much for Expedition, and all this must be deducted out of the money: when the six months came that the money was due, then he must have the Interest, and so much for Continuation; and this was a courtesie if he let them go so: but if the borrower came not, and readily at the time brought the interest and Continuation-money, he had several wayes to bring them in, for suddenly a Declaration of Ejectment was drawn up and delivered to the Tenant or Tenants in possession of the premisses, who being frighted at the matter, presently goes to the Landlord, who sensible of the matter, hies him to us. If this will no do, then an Officer is feed to enter an Action and Arest the bor­rower, who then is forced to come and comply upon extraordinary disadvantageous terms; for after much [Page 173] intreaty, my Master may be perswaded to continue it: the Interest money being paid, as also Continuation-money, charge of Declarations of Ejectment (for which we will reckon five or ten shilling paid to an Attorney, though it were done by my Master, or me by his com­mand) it may be twenty shillings, or forty shillings, for the Arrest, though it may be not above half a Crown was paid for it; and then there must be at least twenty shillings, or forty shillings, to my Ma­ster for his pains, and if the borrower be not willing to pay all this charge, then will my Master [...]ee an Attorney in earnest, and proceed upon the Declara­tion of Ejectment, and in short time get the possession of the Estate: and thus put the poor borrower to ten pound charge, and if he refuse to pay this, he shall fair worse; for although in Equity the Lender of the money can hold the Premises no longer in his hands than till he is paid his Debt, Interest, and char­ges out of the Rent, yet my Master will so order the matter, that the borrower shall never have the Estate again; for (pretending that the Lender wanted his money, and was forced to sell the Estate to raise it) he will pass it away to another, a Confederate, for the bare Money, Interest, and Charges that is due on it, or it may be, five or ten pound more; and this is all the poor borrower can get in equity, which will cost him more the recovering than it is worth. Thus have we often had an Estate worth two hundred pound, for only fifty pound and Interest, and the poor borrower is forced to be quiet, not having any reme­dy. When an Estate is Mortgaged to us, we seldom let it go out of our hands, for if the money lent be not brought and paid just on the day, than we put the borrower off till the next six months, refusing to [Page 174] deliver up the Writings, and then it becomes for­feited, so that we force them to sell it to us, or give extraordinary Fees, to cause us to release our Inte­rest; especially if we discover it to be sold to ano­ther, we refuse to shew the Writings, and so weary out the borrower with delays and pretences, &c. But this was but small game, to what we after play­ed, as I shall presently tell you, for the 350 l. being all put out in parcels▪ and though they often returned with profit enough, yet it was very heard to get 400l. together to pay the money that was borrowed, for now it had been lent a year, and the Usurer, though he hath never so good security, yet he loves to see his money sometimes, especially when he deals with a stranger, as the man was as borrowed it; and though my Master might have cheated him of his money, yet he was unwilling so to give over, but proceed in his Trade, which had gained him so much; wherefore my Master upon search and inquiry, found that the same Company (whose Seal he had Counterfeited) had a parcel of Land in the Countrey, not far from London, which they had let to a wealthy Citizen, who had gi­ven over Trading for some years, and now lived in the Country: my Master getting the particulars of this Land soon makes a Lease, and with the help of his Counterfeit Seal, makes it an authentick, so that with­out much trouble he procures a thousand pound to be lent upon it by another Usurer who lived private, and the business was ordered, that the Usurer was well e­nough contented without seeing the Land: my Mast­er gave his old Confederate forty pound to personate the borrower, and then he paid in the four hundred pound that was formerly borrowed, so that only he thereby engaged that the Usurer to him, who now [Page 175] had so good an opinion of my Master, that he soon made it up fifteen hundred pound, and desired him to procure him either good security, or a purchase for it: all which was done in a fair way, to the Usurers con­tent, and my Masters profit: and thus did our Trade increase, my Master getting much money, and many a Crown, and half-peice came into my pocket; for he knowing that I was privy to the first Cheat, did humor me very much, and took his Son off from abusing me, and caused every body that borrowed money to give me some gratuity for expedition, so that I had money enough, and the keeping of all my Masters Cash is com­mitted to my charge: My Master had one rare con­trivance lately, which I will tell you of whilst it is in my mind; and thus it was, he had a Kinswoman who had long lived with him, and some moneys he had of hers in his hands, which was a Legacy formerly given her by another. This Maid being Courted by a Shop-keeper in way of Marriage, the match went forwards, and was agreed upon on these terms; the Shop-keep­ers Father was to give him a hundred pound in money to put him into Stock, and my Master was to give his Kinswoman fifty pound, this being agreed on, my Master takes the young man aside, and thus discourses him: Young man, here have I agreed to give fifty pound with my Kinswoman, which gains you a hundred pound of your Father, now I having not ready money by me, must borrow this fifty pound, for which you must be bound with me, and when it becomes due, I will pay it; This I say you must do without acquainting your Father, and so the business shall be done, and I pray be a good Husband, &c. The young man soon consented, the marriage was consummated, and all things went well for a while, but within twelve months the young couple having [Page 176] run out all, my Masters Kinswoman came again to her Uncle to acquaint him with their condition, and desire his advice and assistance; my Master was much troub­led at this chance, for he expected the contrary, and intended to get back the fifty pound for which end he had the young man bound, that he might be forced to pay the money, when in a condition; but seeing it was otherwise, he considered the matter, and wish'd her to send her husband to him, and be patient, and make no words, and all should be well: her Husband according to order came, and after several checks past for his ill husbandry, he asked him if his Father knew any thing of his Condition? no, said the young man, I have kept it from his knowledge, and he thinks I thrive in the world, and is glad of it? well them said my Master, you know I gave you fifty pound, for which you were bound, and indeed it is still unpaid: now if you will be contented to pay that fifty pound in, I will raise you two hundred pound, so that you shall have fifty pound more in ready money, and see how good a Husband you will be. To this the young man glad­ly consented, and my Master soon after took an occa­sion to meet and drink with his Father, and after some other discourse, they joyntly talked of the young mans thriving in the world, and were both glad of the match and good husbandry: but said my Master, now I think on it, there is now an opportunity of doing him much good if he had more money, and therefore you would do well to furnish them; I shall not be backward, re­plies the Father, upon a good account, therefore I pray tell me the business: My Master thereupon told him, that with two hundred pound more he might be brave­ly setled and furnished, for the Lease of his House is to be sold, and I can get it for a hundred pound, and [Page 177] that is a rich penny-worth, and the other hundred pound, I would have him to lay out in furnishing his shop more plentifully, than now it is. Truly reply'd the old man, this would do well: but I have no mo­ney at present, neither if I had should I be willing to part from any more than a hundred pound at a time; Well for that said my Master, if you please, I will mannage the matter: Thus will I procure two hun­dred pound for the young man, nay, and I have so great a love for him, that I will be bound with him for it, and when it [...]hall be due, you shall only pay one hundred pond of the money, and your Son the to­ther: To this the old man after some pause, and a lit­tle consideration consented, the business was done, and and the money paid. My Master indeed being ac­quainted with the Landlord of the young mans House, gained a Lease of it for eighty pound, and made the young man allow a 100 l. and deducting the fifty pound he had formerly given him, he gave him t'other fifty pound. Thus had my Master his fifty pound a­gain, and twenty pound for his pains in the business. When the mony became due, my Masters confederate the Usurer, in whose name the Bond was made, de­manded the money of the young man, where there was none to be had; and the old man was willng to pay only a hundred pound of it according to Contract, where shall I have the rest, said the Usurer? why tru­ly said the old man, if my Son cannot pay you, then let his wives Uncle, meaning my Master: But course was soon taken otherwise, and my Master being fir [...]t and principle in the Bond, made no more ado, but con­fessed Judgment, and thereupon Execution was taken out against them all, but only upon the old man, who was forced to pay all the money. Thus my Master, [Page 178] by being Principle in the Bond saved himself, regain­ed the fifty pound he had formerly lent, and gained twenty pound, besides making of Writings, and this, said he, will serve to help my Kinswoman when I see occasion. I have heard him with good attention, and considering with my self my own petty Rogueries, and how inconsiderable they were in comparison of what he had related to me, could not but burst out into admiration, and told him, that I saw the world was an absolute cheat: and now I find that saying to be verified which I had often heard, That the world consisted but of two sorts, Knaves and Fools, and that the one lived by out-witting and cheating the other; and if there were any honest men, they were such as only lived a contemplative life, and dealt not in this world; their whole thoughts being taken up in the Contemplation of another; Truly, reply'd the Scrivener, if you had known so much as I of all sorts of people, (for we deal with people of all qualities and professions) you would conclude so indeed: and as the poor mans ability will not carry him high e­nough to Cheat so much at first, so he attempting it, and being discovered, is quite lost: but if a Rich man or any who had success in Knavery sets upon it to get an Estate, it is soon compassed, and the folly and easiness of many honest borrowers, enriches the Kna­vish lender. Thus we both concluded, as sufficiently evidenced by the Examples he had given me: and therefore I desired him to proceed, which he did in this manner.


He proceeds in discovering several considerable Cheats of his Masters, whereby he grows very rich; also some Cheats of his own, and so concludes.

MY Master (continued the Scrivener) being now possessed of a thousand pound in ready Money, there fell out an opportunity of good advantage, (and I have observed it, that there is no loss, but profit enough to be gained in keeping five hundred pound always in a readiness in Cash, especially in our Trade, where so many offers for sale of Land and Houses are daily made.) The Landlord of my Masters house was lately dead, and his Son and Heir being a wild blade, soon spent all the ready mony his Father left, and all the Debts he could well get in; and now to selling of some of his Houses he must go, and my Master known to be a moneyed man, and a Scrivener, was thought to be the best Customer: He therefore propounds borrowing of five hundred pound, but my Master being now possessed of a round sum, and hoping to have a good penny-worth, was very willing to buy. The young man and some friends were unwilling, and could not agree upon tearms, and my Master at last consents to lend the money, provided he may have a Mortgage of all that Estate in that place, which amounted to two hundred pound per annum, which was worth three thousand pound, and said he, you shall not need to make me an abso­lute assignment or sale of it, only a Lease at a Pepper­corn [Page 180] a year for one and twenty years: But to con­firm it, and for a collateral security, you must give me a Statute Staple, to which our young man and his friends consented. The Lease was made, and a Sta­tute for a thousand pound entred into it, and the mo­ney paid and lent for six months only. The noise of this, and my Masters other Trading, brought him into great esteem both with lenders and borrowers, so that his Name being up, he may lie a bed till noon, and yet get money enough. A purchase of Land in the Country was offered, and my Master bought it for a thousand five hundred pound, of which he borrowed upon a Lease of part of it. The six months quickly came about, wherein his young Landlord was to pay the five hundred pound: but (according to my Ma­sters expectation) he failed, and then it was to be sold, my Master agreed to give two thousand five hundred pound for it, and so they struck up a bargain, five hun­dred he had received before, a thousand pound he made a shift to borrow upon the Mortgage of the Land he had lately purchased; (for, though as I told you he had borrowed five hundred pound of the mo­ney when he purchased the Land, and gave a mort­gage of part of it for security, yet he keeping the principal Writings in his hands, concealed that mort­gage, and now borrowed a thousand pound more of it) five hundred pound more he raised in ready money of his own, which was two thousand pound, and for the other five hundred pound, the remainder of the two thousand five hundred pound: his young Land­lord took his Bond for the money, not questioning his security for five hundred pound, that could pay two thousand pound ready money, neither indeed had he occasion as yet for it. This being concluded, the [Page 181] money being paid, and writings Sealed, my master would not remember to give up the Statute he had for a thousand pound, but he had another now for five thousand pound for security of his bargain, and the young man never so much as desired a Defeazance upon the Statute, but mark what followed: The youngster in short time, keeping riotous Company, wasting his body as well as purse, died, and his young­er Brother seized on his Estate that was unspent: and among other things, on my masters Bond of five hundred pound, and soon after demanded it, though my master at first was nonplus'd, yet he soon bethougt him of a way how to discharge and acquit himself of it, and thereupon returned this answer. It is very true, your Brother and I had much dealing, and I did give him such a Bond, which I am ready to pay to his Ex­ecutor, which you tell me you are, provided you pay me what he likewise owed unto me; why, replyed the young man, did he owe you any moneys? yea, said my Master; and whereas you produce a Bond, which indeed is a very good specialty, I shall produce somewhat that is higher, and indeed the highest secu­rity that can be given for any Debt, and that is a Statute Staple: and thereupon he produced one Sta­tute first, that was given for a thousand pound upon borrowing of the five hundred pound; nay, but said the young man, I suppose that this was part of the money that was for the purchase of your dwelling house and others; for that, said my Master, I can shew you a particular Receipt for all the money under his hand and Seal, and also a general acknowledgment in the Deed of Conveyance: wherefore this money I must have you pay me first, and afterwards I shall talk with you further; what do you mean by further [Page 182] talk said the young man? why, said my Master, I mean to have of you all that your Brother owed me, which is much more than you think for; for he and I had great dealings together for great sums of money than all this, as I shall further shew you; and there­upon he produced the second Statute, which was for five thousand pound. This demand of my Masters so vexed the young man, that he departed, and soon began his course at Law against my Master, but he took a wrong Sow by the Ear, for he finding where­abouts he intended on his two Statutes, was too quick for this youngster, and gained a Liberate, which he delivered to the Sheriff, who served it on all the Estate of the Deceased, so that by this means all that was un­spent of the Dead young mans Estate (amounted in Land to the value of four thousand pound) came to my Masters hands, and yet he says he is unsatisfied: and the young man the Brother of the Deceased, can­not help it, for by this means he is bere [...]t of his Estate to go to Law: and when money and means is wanting friends are searce; besides, I know not how he can a­void it, his Brother not having taken a Defeazance, as he ought to have done. Here was a matter worth playing the Knave for, and would induce some men to leave off: but my Master had so good success in his Proceedings, that he is resolv'd to proceed in them. The money that he borrowed on all the Mortgages, both counterfeit Leases and others, he soon paid off, and yet left himself worth above three hundred pound per annum, and money in his Purse. Thus having a good Estate, and now being full of employment, both for buying, selling, borrowing, and lending: he al­ways keeps a good Bank of money. If any purchase of Land come at twelve or thirteen years purchase, he [Page 183] buyes it, because he knows of a Customer that will give fifteen or sixteen. And thus he will gain five hundred pounds in a weeks time. We lately had one business worth all the rest, and which hath now made him weary of getting money: a Knight having a Lordship in the Country worth two thousand pound per annum, comes first to borrow money, and grants a Lease and Statute upon the borrowing of two thou­sand pound: this my Master lent himself of his own money, the Knight within a Month or two being to Marry a Daughter, wants two thousand pound more, which was likewise promised on the same security: by this time my Master was somewhat dreined of his ready money, and knowing that the Knight would soon be with him again, he casts about how to raise more: which thus he does, he borrows 1500 l. upon a Lease of part of his purchase of his dwelling house and others, and keeps the grand Writings in his hands; he borrows a thousand pound on his Land in the Country, and another party he borrows fifteen hun­dred pound more upon a Lease of part of his purchase of his dwelling house and others, keeping still the grand Writings in his hands: and thus having eight thousand pound ready money, he goes to the Knight, and upon treaty, agrees to give him thirty two thou­sand pound for his Estate, which price being conclu­ded on, he borrows two thousand pound upon his dwelling house and others, and then parts with the grand Writings, and Covenants that the Estate is free of Incumbrances, though he had twice Mortga­ged it in part: and thus having raised ten thousand pound, he borrows twelve thousand pound more up­on part of the new purchase, and the Knight is con­tented to take the t'other ten thousand pound in full [Page 184] of the purchase, at two six months, and only takes my Masters Bond: this was lately settled and agreed upon, and all Writings made, and I doubt the Knight will come short of his money; for my Master hath so many Statutes which the Knight never dreams of, having still given them without taking Defeazances, that I believe he will be cut off from his Debt, and so must the Vsurer that lent my Master the twelve thou­sand pound upon a mortgage of part of his new Lord­ship; for my Master being resolved to make this a piece of wit, and to do his utmost to cheat them all, did the next day after the Purchase was made, and Writings sealed, caused us to sit up all Night, and make an absolute Bargain and Sale of all that his new Purchase to two Friends in trust, for the use of his Children, so that the Vsurer who lent his twelve thousand pounds, had not his Writings of Assignments sealed till a week or ten days after, and when the time comes for payment, he may be chous'd and de­feated of all, and my master being master of an Estate of two thousand pounds per annum, may live and laugh at them all for their crudelity; for he hath so ordered it, that the Law cannot touch the Estate, it may only reach his Person, and as for that, we know it is but a Kings-Bench matter, and there he may live all his life time, and spend like a Lord, and when he dies, his Debts are paid, and his Estate goes to his children. But if he hath success for two or three more such businesses as this last, he need not do so, but leave the Cheat to the last cast, and grow infinitely rich, as I question not but he will.

Thus said our Scrivener, have I given you an account of my masters way to get money, and I have not been without mine: he would many times permit me to [Page 185] Cheat a little, because I assisted him, and was privy to his concerns. I have one way that brings me in twenty or thirty pounds per annum; for all Deeds of Bargain and Sale are to be Enrolled in six moneths after the date, either in Chancery, if it be Land or Houses out of London; or in Guild-Hall, if within London, or the Liberties thereof; and I was once forced to trot to Chancery-lane four or five times for one Deed, before I could get it done, and when it was done, all that was to be seen on the Deed▪ was, Inrolled such a Day and Year in Chancery, per m [...], such a one. I seeing that, learned to write the Hand they use in Endorsing, and for the future only writ it my self on the backside to shew our Clients, and that was suffici­ent; for not one in a thousand is search'd for, and this is only done in case the Deed be lost, so that now I have got the trick on't to write on the backside my self, and put that money the Register should have, into my own Pocket, and that is a pretty quantity, for an indifferent Deed comes to twenty shillings at so much per Roll. Forty other ways have I to get moneys, and indeed, I need not invent ways, for our Trade is so great for Procuration and Continuation, and such like, that I get money enough, more than I can well tell how to spend.

I will now conclude, only tell you a Story or two, how I have initiated my self in this Art of Knavery, for my time being suddenly to expire, I thought it necessary to try some expedients, how I might live hereafter, when I came to be for my self; and know­ing that my master could not do any thing at first, without a Confederate, (some body to help and assist him) I procured the like: We had many indigent persons came to borrow money, some Gentlemen, o­thers [Page 186] decayed and decaying Citizens, amongst the rest a master of a Ship, who had made so many broken Voyages, that he could make no more, for he had wearied all his Friends with holding parts of Ships with him to their great loss; but he holding to the Proverb, That a Sea-man is never broken till his neck is broken, was resolved to try his Fortune one bout more, and had now with the help of Friends made a shift to buy an old Barque of near a hundred Tun, in which he was minded to go to Sea, partly as a man of War, and withall, to bring prohibited Goods from France. This man was an earnest Suiter to borrow an hundred pounds upon Bottomry, or any ways, to victual and fit his Ship; I finding him ingenious, after some conference with him, and he being willing for any undertaking, we concluded to go half snips in the Voyage, and I would furnish him with moneys to his content: I soon perswaded an easie Friend of mine who had more money than wit, to lend our Captain an hundred pounds, promising him great profit, and indeed he was to have fifty in the hundred for that Voyage, which was to be finished in two months, and I told him he might ensure his money at the Ensu­rance Office, which he did accordingly. Our Captain being furnished with a hundred pound of the Usurer, I made bold with a hundred pound more of my ma­sters, which could not soon be missed out of the Cash, and with this the Ship was so bravely fitted and pro­vided with all Necessaries, that he was offered Fraights enough. At last he concluded with one to bring o­ver some rich Goods, and the times being dangerous at Sea, by reason of men of War at Sea, he ensured five hundred pounds upon the Ship.

[Page 187]The Ensurers knowing this, and that the man who had Ensured was a substantial Merchant, mistrusted nothing; but likewise ensured five hundred pounds more to the Captain, because he had laid out much in fitting the Ship, and did it as he pretended for satis­faction of the Owners. All things being thus fitted, our Captain leaving his Policy or Deed of Ensurance with me, put out to Sea, arrived at his Port, received the Goods on Board, but having a parcel of trusty Blades with him, and some who had shares in the purchase, he puts the best part of the Merchandize on Board of a small Barque he had hired for that pur­pose, and that being sent ashore to another Port, he soon after ran his Ship ashore in such a place as he was not likely to come off, and there [...]he perished, he and his companions getting on shore with some small matter of Goods in the Long-boat: He being arrived on shore, soon writ to me how he had sped, and I being acquainted very well with the Ensurers, perswaded them to pay me the money he had ensured first, upon some small rebate; and he on the other side selling the Merchandize on shore, put it into other commodities and sent them home, and himself came home as a distressed Passenger, and here the Ensurers paid for all: Such bouts as these they sometimes met with, and that [...]o often, that now adays when a Mer­chant hath ensured, he had need to ensure on the En­surers, and some have done so.

When our Captain came home, we privately met and shared our profit, and by this I gained two hun­dred pounds for my share, and this was a good be­ginning; and though I hazarded to Sea, yet there was le [...]s hazard than my Master underwent in his first at­tempt in Counterfeiting a Companies Seal; for should [Page 188] he have been discovered, sorrow would have been his sops. I have now and then had five or ten pound given me at a time for altering a Will, and putting in more as a Legacy to one than the Testator intended, and this I would venture on without much hazard, if the Testator were sick to Death. My Master once made a Will, and instead of another, made him­self Executor, and I and one more of the Confe­deracy were witnesses to it, by this means he gained near three hundred pound.

I have oftentimes had a Piece or two given me to make Writings in favour of one more than another; for in a Lease, if Rent reserved be 100 l. per annum, and there be no Covenant for payment of the Rent, when either of the parties die, if any Rent be behind due to the Lessee, it cannot be recovered by the Exe­cutors, Administrators, and Assigns; and it hath been usual in all ancient Leases, to leave that Covenant out as needless, but now people are grown wiser by Ex­perience.

In Arbitration between parties, there is much cun­ning and knavery to be used, in drawing up an Award or final End; for the Scrivener, if he be a Friend to, or favour either of the Parties, shall do it so as that it shall be void, or not authentick, or not obliging to one of the parties, and yet the Arbitrators who are commonly honest harmless men, think they have done their business, when as they have only made work for Lawyers.

In Counter-Bonds there may be much partiality used as also in Letters of Attorney, only putting in his use, for my use, entitles the Attorney to receive all to his own use without any account; and such a thing as this is often slipt over, or not understood, and many [Page 189] a good Piece and half-piece comes into our Pockets in a year for these actions.

It was like to go very hard with one of my Master [...] acquaintance not long since, for he being skilled in counterfeiting of Hands, did very Artificially coun­terfeit a Citizens hand (with whom he had some small dealing) to a Bond of 400l. to pay 200l. with Interest at a day, and when the time came he asked him before some company to pay him that money that he then owed him: Yes, said the Citizen, I shall do it next week, meaning a small summe which he did directly owe him, and did then pay him, but the other then telling him of his Bond of 400l. and the Citizen di­rectly denying of it, a Suit was commenced, and the Tryal was had at the Kings-Bench Bar in Westminster-Hall, where the Innocent Citizen (seeing the confi­dence of the Witnesses, and indeed his own hand, as he supposed, to the Bond, which he could not deny, but it was so, or very like) and having nothing to say, in a passion cryed out in open Court, to desire God to revenge his Cause, for he was utterly and absolutely wronged. This being so solemnly protested, made not only the Judge, but the Jury a little more in­quisitive into the matter than ordinary, and called for some papers to compare the hand with other of his hand-writing, but no difference could be found therein. The Bond thus passing about to every one of the Jury, one of them viewing the Bond more nar­rowly than ordinary, craved leave of the Judge to be discharged of his place as a Jury-man, and to be ad­mitted and sworn as a Witness; for my Lord, said he, I can say somewhat to the matter. This his request was assented to, and he being sworn, began in this manner, My Lord, this Bond here in Court is pretended [Page 190] to be made, sealed, and delivered nine months since, when, my Lord, this Paper whereon it is written, hath not been in England above four months. How do you know that? said my Lord. The Jury-man replyed, My Lord, I am a Stationer or Paper-seller, and to all Paper there are several Marks, whereby we know and distinguish them; As Pot, Piller, Crown, Cardinals-Armes, &c. And my Lord, this being such a sort of Paper, was made by a young Man in France, whose mark is here, and none of it came over till within these four Months. At this the Judge was satisfied, all people wondred, the Defendant rejoyced, and the Plaintiff with his Swearers, were forced to sneak out of the Court, and could not be presently heard of.

I once was called to make a Will, and the party lying speechless, another there present dictated to me, telling me, that the Sick-man he was sure would consent to what he said, which I believing, proceeded and finished the Will, but when I came to have him sign it, I saw that he was dead: well, said the party that dictated, if you will be ruled by me, this Will shall stand, and yet no body forswear themselves, and said he to me, you shall have a good reward for your consent; whereupon, saith he, read the Will, so I did: well, saith he, you see the party doth not at all con­tradict what is here written, and now he shall set his Hand and Seal thereto, which he did by guiding the dead mans hand: now, saith he, if you be questioned, you may safely swear that you read the Will to him, and he consented, or at leastwise did not contradict, and that you saw him with his own hand, Sign, Seal, and deliver the same. Well Sir, said I, if you are con­tent, I am, and thereupon he gave me the promised reward, I subscribed as Witness, and left him, who [Page 191] soon after by vertue of this Will, possessed himself of the Estate. I had seen this trick of putting a Dead mans hand to Writings, done two or three times be­fore, and so this was no new thing, and would not contradict any thing that was to turn to my profit.

I could tell you thousands of these Cheats, and in­deed, as one said, there is more mischief done with a dash of the Pen, than with any thing else in the way of Knavery and Cheating. Thus did our Scrivener conclude his Discourse, and we calling for another Pint of Wine and a Faggot, drank and warmed our selves, and so for that time parted.


The Booksellers Prentice gives an account of his Masters first Tricks in Cheating, by Printing Books that were other mens Copies.

AFter this Conference with the Scrivener, I went home, and as he told me, my [...]aying to my Ma­ster, that I had been with him, was sufficient, so I found it; for I was asked no more questions, but went to Bed, and there did I recollect to my self, all that he had that evening told me: and though I could not perfectly remember the several terms of Art he used, as Judgment, Execution, Scire facias, Statute, Procuration, and Continuation, &c. Yet I was sen­sible of their meaning, and did very much wonder, how any man could sleep being guilty of so many Crimes as he and his Master were; yet I found that they slept the better, or at leastwise fared the better by reason of their great wealth; and then did I com­pare [Page 190] [...] [Page 191] [...] [Page 192] my forepast life to what I had heard of them, and it was not worth mentioning; so that from that time, I had a more charitable opinion for my self than formerly, and since I had so good success with my Scrivener, I was resolved to be a little more intimate with the rest of the Society, especially the Bookseller, that I might know how he gained his Money, and the next day I had my desire, for meeting him abroad, we went to an Ale-house, and there did I discover my yesterdays actions with the Scrivener, and thereby induced him to make me this following Discourse.

Truly Brother, (for so we called one another) you have told me wonders, though so admirable, that I could not have thought so much crafty knavery could have been committed by any man breathing, though I did believe that there was more than I understood, having always heard that it was a dangerous thing to squeeze Wax, and that Scriveners in general were cunning fellows, but that any man out of nothing should by tricks and subtile contrivances, gain to himself so great an Estate, and yet not run into the compass of the Law, but now I see the Proverbs verified, Nothing venture, nothing have, and that a blot is no blot till it be hit, and give a man luck and throw him into the Sea. And although I have thought my Master a man cunning and crafty enough, and did believe that he who deals in Books could not be out-witted, yet I see that a piece of Parchment with a Seal to it, is better than a great many Books, nay, then a whole Impression▪ but that I may give you some satisfaction in what you desire, I shall proceed in my Discourse, and though I cannot tell you so many, nor so profitable contrivances as you have re­lated to me, yet those of our calling deserve not to go [Page 193] much behind, and we do our utmost good will to cheat, though it turns not to so good an account.

My Master when I came to Prentice, had but a small stock of Books, and those were all in his Shop, with which, together with some Paper, Parchment, Pens, and such like Stationers ware, he made a shift to pick up an indifferent livelihood; but he being of a reaching brain, and seeing there were very rich people, such as gained great Estates, and lived bravely of the same Trade, he made it his business to enquire into their way: the most sorts of Books that we sold were Testaments, Psalters, Grammers, Accidences, and such Books as we call Priviledged ware, and in­deed were Printed for the Company in general, and to be had of some of the Stock-keepers, or Masters of the Company, or at the Hall, and though our pro­fit in selling these sorts of Books was but small, as not above two pence in the shilling, yet it was a certaine commodity, and the sale sure; whereas other Books, either of Divinity, History, &c. were not so certain, though more profitable, as commonly bringing four pence in the shilling profit, and thus did we continue buying Books of other Booksellers, as we were asked for them, and had occasion; my Master commonly keeping to one man, because he could there be trusted and furnished with any Book he wanted, it fortuned that a new Book being Printed, a small thing of about four or five sheets of paper; it sold so well, that my Master went often for them to his wonted place; one time they had none of them left, but desiring my Master to stay, they would send for some, which my Master did, but the Messenger came back without any, and brought word that he should not have any more of them upon account or exchange, for he now [Page 194] held them at ready Money, and that he must have, or he would part from none; well then, said my Master, I will go thither and buy some my self, no, said the Master of the Shop, you shall not need, I'le send for some this once with ready Money, and you shall have them cheaper of me, then of him, and so h [...] did, and he received them, and told me, that if he wanted any more, he could be very well furnished with them within three or four days, and the other had been bet­ter not to have served him so; but the Book selling very well, all my Masters were gone that night, and I went my self to the Bookseller who Printed them for some, the which I had; but the next day I went again, he had none, and told me, that I could not have any in a weeks time. I acquainted my Master herewith, who being called upon for some of them, went to his old place to see if they had any, they told him they had none at present, but to morrow he might have what number he pleased; accordingly the next day I went, and brought fifty of them with me; and then my Master (beginning to suspect that which he afterwards found out) sent me to the Booksellers who Printed them, and he had none, wherefore he then concluded, that the Bookseller with whom he was wont to deal, had Printed them, though they were none of his Copy, at which he wondred; for the greater sort of Booksellers did use to inform us, that it was a most heinous and unlawful thing to Print a­nother mans Copy, so that I think, this was the first time that my Master discovered this Mystery, for the Book continuing to sell, we sold in our Shop above five hundred of them; so that my Master beginning to consider with himself, reckoned that he had paid to his Dealer above five pounds for these Pamplets, [Page 195] and yet got very well by them too: wherefore, not long after coming into the company of a Printer, he asked what it would cost to Print 2000 of a Book of five sheets of Paper, the Printer replyed, 10 pound: by this my Master guessed that his Dealer had gained half in half by him, for he had paid for 500 half what 2000 would cost. My Master holding some fu [...]ther discourse with this Printer over a Pot of Ale, he told him, that he did work for such a man, name­ing the Bookseller with whom my Master dealt, and [...]ai [...]h he, I lately did two sheets for him of a Book he gained well by, for I Printed 5000 for my share; so that at length, after conference together, they con­cluded, it was the same Book my Master sold so many of, and that he had Printed it in three or four places for expedition, and that he could not gain less than 30 l. by Printing it: I but says my Master, how will he do to answer it to the other man whose Copy it was? For that, said the Printer, he will do well e­enough, for the other is but a young man, and light upon his Copy by chance; and though the Law for­bids such doings, as the Printing one anothers Copies, yet the great ones, commonly devour and eat up the little ones, and will venture on it being but a small thing; and it may be this young man is indebted to the other: and indeed it is a usual thing, and we do such Jobs very frequently, especially for the Grand ones of the Company. But how comes it, said my Master, that some or other do not Print their Copies, as Testaments, Psalters, &c. As for that, said the Printer, it is very dangerous, for if they were taken, it belonging to the whole Company, they would be sure to seize on it, and Sue the party so offending; besides, the Books are too big for every one to ven­ture [Page 196] on, and will lie too long in hand a doing; but sometimes such things are done, but in another way, as I can tell. Thus ended my Master and the Printer their Discourse of this matter, and my Master desired the Printer to call on him sometimes, and he would drink with him, and it may be have some employment for him, and thus they parted. My Master now un­derstanding thus much of his Trade, more than for­merly, was resolved it should not be long ere he were doing somewhat: thus pondering in his mind, he could not tell what design to begin with, for we sold little but Priviledged Ware, and those it was dange­rous medling with, neither would my Masters Stock reach to any thing considerable; at last resolving to play at small game rather than stand out, he bethought himself, and resolved to Print the A B C, a little Childs book of a sheet of paper: he knew not then what Printer to intrust, for he durst not make use of the former Printer, lest he should acquaint his Deal­er; but it was not long ere he light upon one fit for his purpose, and to work he went, my Master sending in Paper, and so they were Printed, delivered, and paid for, but when my Master had them, he knew not how to dispose of them, lest he should be caught; but that he might have the better pretence, he went and bought 300 of them of his Dealer, and so laying them by, sold his own, and being acquainted with a Primer-binder, he got him to exchange with him for Primers, and such like small books, he was rid of most of them to his great profit, for he gained, as I have heard him say, above five pounds by that job, which was a great deal of Money, and by this means his Shop was better furnished with small books and paper, and now he had good credit with the Paper-Merchant, [Page 197] which before he could not have. Not long after, the Printer who Printed the A B C, came to him and ac­quainted him, that if he would venture a matter of ten pounds, he might be concerned in printing of a book that would turn to a very good account, and it may be get twenty pound by the bargain: he having had such good suc [...]ess in the last, ventures upon this: it was a Ser [...]on that then sold very well, and he had a­nother partner, and my Master having some money by him, and [...]re [...]ty good credit at the Paper-Merchants, he found paper, and the other paid for printing, and at two places it was done in a week; my Master putting them ou [...] in London to the Mercuries and others at on [...] [...]enn [...] a peice less than the ordinary rate, and his par [...] dealing with Country-Chapmen, sent good store awa [...] into the Country, and thus, though this was a [...]other mans Coppy, they sold all their books in a sh [...]rt time, and gained 25l. a pei [...]e. This was a goo [...] [...]eginn [...]ng, said I to the Bookseller, and I did not thin [...] [...] trade had been so profitable▪ but now I belie [...] [...]hat these courses being prosecuted; a con­sidera [...] [...]state may be gained in a short time: that you shall soon hear, replied he: but the discourse be­ing som [...]hat long, I shall for the present end, and prosecute the rest in the following Chapter.


He proceeds in the Discovery of his Masters ways in cheating, in preferring some Copies, and other ways of getting Copies.

MY Master having now had some experience in this way of Printing, was resolved to play a­bove board, and get some Copy or Copies to Print, that he might own, which in short time he did, and glad was he to see his name in Print, supposing him­self now to be somebody: but these things did him but little good, and sold but easily, he not having the way of preferring books, and sending them to some Country Chapmen, and the rest of the booksel­lers, who endeavour to crush any beginner (and will not sell his books, unless they may have them at their own rate) would not sell any of them for him; and besides, now he gave Money for his Copies, the o­ther costing him nothing: and though a book be ne­ver so good, they will not sell with some men, for the others will undervalue and spoil it: as for exam­ple, If my Master had Printed at that time the best book of Chirurgery, Husbandry, Cookery, or the like in the World, and though the book had been fa­mous enough, so that every one desired it, and if as­ked at any booksellers shop for it, they would have said to their customers, Truly Sir, There is such a book, but in regard it is a foolli [...]h idle thing, and of no weight, I have not any of them, I will not trouble my shop with them; but Sir, here is another of the same Subject, that is much better, and in great esteem [Page 199] with ingenious and knowing men: If the Custo­mer replies be would have only that book and no other for that it was recommended to him for an ingenious well-writ piece, then will he reply, Truly Sir, I ne­ver heard any of your judgment before, till now I was never asked for them; but sin [...]e you speak so well of it, I will procure you one: and then it may be, for all this Discourse, he will shew you one, as if left by chance, or else send to his Neighbour-bookseller for one. Thus will he disparage other mens books, and prize his own, and many times put off some of his own, the buyer being so civil as to believe him: and this is a general Maxime, That they will not offer, or pre­fer a book of any mans printing except their own, un­less they have it either in exchange, or at a low rate; and this is the cause that their is some books consider­able, and good as any in England, that did not sell at first for little better than wast Paper, till some of the Grand ones of the Company get them all into their hands, and then they sell for three times the price they did. But to leave this Discourse and proceed, my Master having now printed two or three things, did look upon himself as some body; and though he had not such good success in his last undertakings as before yet he made a shift to get what they cost him for pa­per and print, and had many of them still by him to sell when he would, or exchange; but he having but two or three sorts of books, could not do much good upon that: he seeing this, & observing what books sold best, it being at the beginning of these late Wars, found that factious Sermons, and such like things would do the business; he thereupon bestirs himself, and gets acquainied with most of the factious Priests about Town, by often hearing them and frequenting their [Page 200] Companies, and having learned to write short-hand, took notes of their Sermons, which he Collected to­gether, and now and then he would get them to revise one of them, and print it; by this means spending much time and mony amongst them, he grew very in­timate, and was become the general publisher of most of their Sermons and Controversies. This was that which brought him great gain, in a short time he could vie with the best, what he sold not for mony, he ex­changed for books: and now he could command any book in all the Company without mony, upon account, as is the Custome. His Shop being well furnished, he gets a Ware House, where he bestowed his books in quires; and being thus furnished, he was first spo­ken to by some Country booksellers, and then writ to by them and others, for several books, so that any thing that he printed he could sell off well enongh; for having good hap to print some very good selling books, they helped away the other that were not so good, and still were thrust into the parcel amongst the rest: and now having some good Authors, he would not accept of every one; and as he formerly had fought for, and courted Authors to write books for him, now they (knowing his way of preferring and selling of books) followed, and courted him to print their books. If a stranger came with a Copy to him, though never so good, he had books enough al­ready; but however, if they would give him so much mony, he would do it, and they should have two or three, or six books for themselves and friends: many a one did he thus perswade out of their money, being desirous to be in Print. If he had a desire to have any thing writ in History, Poetry, or any other Science or Faculty, he had his several Authors, who for a glass [Page 201] of Wine, and now and then a meals Meat and half a Crown, were his humble servants; having no other hire but that, and six or twelve of their books, which they presented to friends or persons of Quality; nay, and when they have had success, if they wanted any more books, they must pay for them: further I have known some of our Trade, that when the poor Author hath written a book, and being acquainted with some Person or Persons of Quality whereto he Dedicates and presents it, the Book-seller will go snips and have half shares of what is so given him. M [...] Master be­ing now gotten to the height of his Trade, was soon called to be one of the Livery of his Company, which though it be somewhat chargeable at first, yet it soon brings in profit, there being many conveniencies there­in: for they have Liberty to put a sum of money into the publick Stock, and so great is their profit, that they have seldom less than twenty per cent, and then, when they come to be Stock-keeper or Warden, they have the disposing of the Stock-books, such as are Testa­ments, Psalters, &c. and putting them out to print, they often print so many over numbers, that shall serve them as long as they live. In particular, there is no Trade that I ever heard of, that gets so much by their Commodity; for whatever we print, if it sells, we get eight pence in the shilling: and for those that deal with Country Chapmen, they put off the bad well e­nough at one time or at another; and if they are ve­ry bad, then a new Title is printed as if it were a new book; and what with this and changing, they march off in time.

There was one Preacher in London that my Master was much respective to, for he had gained much mo­ney by Printing several of his Books (and though my [Page 202] Master in outward appearance seems a Saint, yet he hath his freaks, and will be merry with his friends, and be prophane enough.) One Sunday my Master having been rambling in the fields, entred the City in the Afternoon just as Sermon was done, and seeing this Parson going before him, he stept forwards, and overtaking him, salutes him thus, Sir, I am glad to see you so well, indeed Sir you have this day taken a great deal of pains, and we are all beholding to you for your Soul-saving Sermon: how say you, said the Par­son, what do you mean? Why Sir, I thank you for your Sermon you Preached this Afternoon: Nay, now Sir, said the Parson, I see you are mistaken, for I have not Preached this day, my Master hearing this, was wonderfully surprized, not knowing what to say, but left the Parson, and came home discontented at his Error. We have several Country-Chapmen, some whereof owed my Master considerable sums of mony, he took occasion to go into the Country, and to be sure, he would make it worth his Journey, for at e­very considerable Town he would buy some books, and sell them at the next, or send them up to London, and sometimes whole Libraries; and he did take order with all his Chapmen, to acquaint him with all Li­braries or parcels of books that were to be sold, which if worth the buying, he would have. He would also frequent the Schools, and by drinking with the School-masters, and discoursing of books and learned men, he would get their custome to serve them with School books. There was one famous Country-Parson, whom he much desired to be acquainted with, and to him he came, telling him he was troubled in mind, and desired him to satisfie him in a case of Con­science, the which he did; and then for his satisfaction [Page 203] and to oblige him, he prayed and courted him to see him when he came to London, the which he did, and all this was to get the Printing of his books. If a Customer comes into our Shop to buy a book, he hath such ways of preferring and recommending of it, that they seldom go and not buy, for he will open the book, and if it be Divinity, shew them one place or another, out of which he will preach to them, and tell them, that very saying or discourse is worth all the money in the world, and if they do not like it when they have read it over, he will take it again: and so many of our Trade will promise, but you shall hardly ever get your money again; you may by chance get them to exchange it for some other book, which they will the more readily do, if there be money stirring in the case. My Master having had a book written for him by a Poet, the Author (not having the wit to make his bargain, and know what he should have be­fore hand) when he had finished it, desired payment for his pains: Nay, said my Master, you ought rather to pay me for Printing of it, and making you famous in Print. Well then, said the Author, if you will not give me money, I hope you will give me some books. How, said my Master, give you books, what will you have me forswear my Trade, and be a book-giver? I am a book-seller, and to you I will sell them as soon as to another, if you will give me money, pa­per and Print costs money, and this was all the Author could have for his pains. My Master is now one of the Grandees of the Company, and that besides the ordinary way gets him something. Not long since, he and others went a searching, and finding an Impres­sion of unlicensed books, seized them, but instead of suppressing and turning them to wast paper, they di­vided [Page 204] the greatest part of them amongst themselves, and immediately my Master sent some of them away to all his Chapmen, and the rest we sold in the Shop. It so fell out lately, that a book being to be Printed, my Master repaired to the Author to get the Copy, but another of the same Trade had been there before, to whom it was in part promised; but however, (out of respect to my Master) the other being sent for, it was agreed that they should have the Printing of it between them, whereupon one Printer was employed by them both to do the work. My Master soon after sent for the Printer, and tells him, You must do me a kindness: Yes Sir, said the Printer. It is this, said my Master, I am to give away to the Author some books, wherefore I would have you to Print 200 for me a­bove the number, and do not tell my Partner, and I will pay you: Yes, said the Printer, and so he did, and was paid for them accordingly. But the Printer seeing the knavery of his Imployers, (for the other had been with him, and engaged him to Print the same number of 200 over, pretending some private use he had for them) he likewise Printed 400 over for his own use, and publickly sold them; and neither of them could or would complain of him to the other, because they knew themselves guilty of the same crime.

One of the greatest pieces of profit the whole Com­pany hath, is the Printing of Almanacks, for by that, I believe they clear above 1000l. per annum: but a knavish Printer lately outwitted them, for he Printed a great number of Almanacks, and though he Printed but two sorts, yet they served for all the other sorts, only altering the Title page at the beginning, and the last sheet which we call the Prog, or Prognostication; and these Almanacks he affording cheaper than ordi­nary, [Page 205] as indeed well he might, he sold off a good number of them, which was to his gain, and their great hindrance; but he is lately discovered, and how they will deal with him I know not.

In the late times of Liberty, when every one Prin­ted what they pleased, if one Bookseller Printed a book that sold, another would get it Printed in a lesser Character, and so the Book being less in bulk, though the same in matter, would sell it for a great deal less price, and so undersel one another: and of late there hath been hardly a good book, but it is Epitomized, and for the most part spoiled, only for a little gain: so that few books that are good, are now printed, only Collections and patch [...]s out of se­veral Books; and Booksellers employing the meaner sort of Authors in spoiling anothers Copies by such Epitomies.

A young man being lately to set up, was a suiter to my Master to speak to the Company to lend him 5 l. for a certain time without interest, as is customary: for there are several sums of money left the Company so to be disposed of, for the benefit of young begin­ners. My Master knowing his power in general, par­ticularly promised to effect his disires, provided that the young man would agree to lay out his money when received with him: telling him, he would use him well therein: but whether he did or no, you may guess, for he kept not open shop above six months before he broke, and is now gone [...]or a Souldier, and the Com­pany in general likely to loose the Money. This re­plied, I, is one of the worst acts I have heard of, if it were intentionally done, for it is an abuse of the Do­nors will; but I see it not material with some men, if they get money, how they come by it: but I pray, [Page 206] let me hear the rest of your Story. That you shall, said the Bookseller, but first let us drink; which he having done, and I pledged, he proceeded, as you may hear in this following Chapter.


The Book-sellers Prentice having discovered his Masters way of Cheating, now discovers his own.

THus said the Bookseller, have I given you a sum­mary account of the most part of my Masters dealing, and the main way how he gained his Estate; for at this time he hath a Shop very well furnished with all sorts of bound Books, and two or three Ware-houses full of Books in Quires: he hath above 1000 l. owing him by Country-Chapmen; some Estate he hath in Land and Houses, and a very good Stock in the Hall, and all this is acquired in six years time out of nothing; and in this account of my Masters dealing, I have acquainted you with the greatest my­steries of our Trade: but, said I to him, I must confess you have told me those things I was not only ignorant of, but what I could not have believed could have been done, and so great an Estate could have been gained by the Bookselling Trade, especially from so small a beginning as an A B C: but all this while the my­stery is not disclosed; for though you have told me how your Master gets money, yet I hear nothing of your gains, neither indeed can I as yet conjecture how you should be furnished with money; for I suppose you keep an account of what you receive and pay, and [Page 207] that your Master takes care to look into his accounts, that no great matter can be gained that way. 'Tis very true, replied the Bookseller, he does so; and as he is of a false knavish temper himself, so he is suspiti­ous of me, and very vigilant and watchful over me: but do you think, that I who have observed all his ways and crafty dealing, cannot find a way to be even with him, and put money into my own pocket? and indeed he does allow of my knavery and craftiness in over­reaching of others; for he in general is accounted the fittest servant of our Trade, that can out-wit and over­reach his brother bookseller; for it is not so much our keeping Shop, and selling a few Books to Schol­lars, Parsons, Gentlemen, nor sending to Country-Chapmen, for in that we use a constant price, and there is not much wit or craft to be used therein; but the craftiest part of our pofession consistest in making an Exchange note with other Booksellers to the best advantage; and there is our greatest prize: for if any of our Chapmen send to us for Books, such as we do not print, and such as we are not at present furnished with­al, then away we go to that Bookseller who is best furnished with them, and desire him to make a Note with him, which he (being desirous to sort himself with some of our Books) willingly consents to; then do we commonly pretend least use for those Books we most want, otherwise we should be sure to go with­out them, unless we took many of other sorts, that were little better then wast paper; and so we, by tell­ing our brother Bookseller that of such a Book they are almost gone, and the like, we put off the greatest number of our worst Books, and the fewest of our best; and being indifferent of taking any quantity of those we most need, we commonly have most put upon us; [Page 208] and so are furnished with what we desire: and in this way of exchanging Books for Books, we have the most occasion of exercising our wits, and many times re­ceive commendations from our Masters for so doing; and when we meet with one another, the busine [...]s being over, triumph over those we have thus out-witted.

This business of Exchanging brings us Prentices ac­quainted with each other more then any thing else, for that this matter is commonly left to our manage­ment; and on this acquaintance depends the greatest part of our profit: for though we can sometimes when we take money in the Shop put up half a Crown or a Crown for a Book that our Master knows not of, yet that is but seldome, and little Money is given us, un­less it be by the better sort of Customers, whose books we carry home, and then perhaps we may have a shil­ling or two bestowed on us; but this is nothing in respect of our other profit, which I shall now tell you of.

We trading for a great deal to Chapmen into the Country, do Print much, and sometimes one Book is printed very often, and a number of 25 or 50 cannot be so discovered: sometimes we are in fee with the Printer, procure him to print such a number over for us; which he consents to, that he may do as many for himself: and then for the manner of our selling of them, it is by Combination, Con [...]ederacy, and Cor­respondency, which some of us Apprentices have with each other; [...]or we have our Warehouse as well as our Master, and are furnished with much variety; every one of the Combination bringing some quantity to this joynt Stock, of what his Master printeth; and then as occasion serveth, we furnish each other: but [Page 209] the chiefest way of making money of these, is by three or four young Booksellers, who being newly set up, do buy them of us, it may be two pence in the shilling cheaper then they can buy them of our Masters: we have ready Money, or at furthest when they have sold them; and to this end we have commonly one of these Booksellers in every considerable place of Trad­ing about Town, and sometimes we employ a ramb­ling-Bookseller to go a Birding, and offer them at places, and oftentimes our Masters buy some of their own Books of this Ubiquitarian-Bookseller; and one or two being intrusted with management of the Stock gives account to all the rest; and so we divide the pro­fit: at other times we being employed by our Masters to get in Books for our Country Chapmen, we inform them that the Book being out of print, we cannot have it without ready money, and then we being ordered to get them, (for our Customers must be served) we have them out of our own Stock, and put the ready money into our Pockets. Sometimes I have gotten fourty or fifty shillings by being partners with one of the young Booksellers in Printing a Pamphlet; and if it be an unlicensed thing, we sell them privately to Customers in the Shop; if a factious thing, we have our factious Customers; if obscene or wanton, we accordingly are provided with those that buy them: and thus with these ways, and some others, which are too long to relate at this time, I can make a shift to spend fourty or fifty pound a year, to keep my suit of private Cloaths, and to allow my Wench eight shil­lings a week, to whom I constantly pay that Portion; and I think my share of the Stock at present may a­mount to fourty pound. And thus you see, that though so many thousands go through the Scriveners [Page 210] hands, and so few through mine, yet I can make a shift to get some Money out of our Paper, as well as he out of his Parchment; and I doubt not, but when I come out of my time, to do as well as the best of our Trade; for having learnt so much in this Art, I question not but I shall put it in Practice to my ad­vantage.

Thus did he put an end to his Discourse; and drink­ing a Pot or two more of Beer, having had some other merry discourse about the Scriveners Wench, and such like other matters, we parted; he, to go meet with some of his brother Booksellers, to take account of their private Stock; and I, to my Masters about my ordinary Imployments, still ruminating in my mind of all the passages that these two Blades the Scrivener and Bookseller had related to me; and from thence did conclude, that I should find all the rest of our Clubbing-Brethren stored with the same Discour­ses; and now I meditated on nothing more then how I might get money enough, for that was the only thing that made crooked things straight; and if a man have enough of that, he may defie all men. It can make knees bow, and tongues speak against the native geni­us of the groaning heart; it supples more then oyl or fomentations, and can stiffen beyond the Summers Sun, or the Winters white-bearded cold. In this we differ from the ancient Heathen; they made Iupiter their chief God, and we have crowned Pluto. He is Master of the Muses, and can buy their Voice; the Graces wait on him, Mercury is his Messenger, Mars comes to him for pay, Venus is his prostitute; he can make Vesta break her vow, he can have Bacchus be merry with him, and Ceres feast him when he lists; he is the sick-mans Aesculapius, and the Pallas of an empty [Page 211] brain; nor can Cupid cause Love, but by his Golden-headed Arrow. Money is a general man, and without doubt excellently parted: Petronius describes his Qualities.

Quisquis habet nummos, secura naviget aura:
Fortunamque suo temperet arbitrio.
Vxorem ducat Danaen, ipsumque licebit
Acrisium jubeat credere quod Danaen:
Carmina componat, declamat, concrepat, omnes
Et peragat Causas, fitque Catone prior.
Iurisconsultus, paret, non paret: habeto;
Atque esto, quicquid Servius aut Labeo
Multo loquar: quidvis nummis praesentibus opta,
Et veni [...]t: clausum possidet Arca Iovem.
The Mon [...]ed-man can safely sayl all Seas,
And make his fortune as himself shall please:
He can wed Danae, and command that now
Acrisius self that fatal Match allow:
He can declame, chide, censure, Verses write,
And do all things better then Cato might.
He knows the Law, and rules it, hath and is
Whole Servius, and what Labeo could possess.
In brief, let rich men wish whatsoere they Love,
'Twil come, they in a lock'd Chest keep a Jove.

And to conclude, as it commands Gods and God­desses, so all sorts of men and women are obedi­ent to him that has the command of this God Money; and therefore I was resolved to put in for a share of it.


The Relater with the Scrivener and Bookseller and their Wenches, being merry in a Tavern, fall out with o­ther Company, and are sent by an Alderman to the Counter. The Relater in revenge, cheats the Al­derman of his Scarlet Gown, which is converted into Peticoats for the three Wenches.

I Having thus gained an intimate acquaintance with all these my Brother-Clubbers, did set forth my own good parts; and they having been open with me in the discovery of their manner of living, and how they furnished themselves with money even to super­ [...]luity, I was as free to them in relating many actions of my forepassed life; by which means they found me the more fit for their Society: and I having passed through variety of conditions, as having been of seve­ral Trades, and informing them of several mysterious Cheats which I had performed in them, they all took a very great liking to me; but there was none whom I so much affected as the Scrivener and Bookseller, because I [...]ound them the best stored with money; and I often accompanied them to their Wenches, where we had extraordinary Treatments, and such Compa­ny as exceeded all the rest; for I had my Lass as well as they; and though I paid nothing of the reckoning, yet my Wench was often as well provided for as theirs; for I furnished her with Cloaths equal to any of them, and then the less money served their turn. We three being one night at a Tavern with our Wenches, where we passed a winters evening in their pleasing society, [Page 213] our spirits being raised with wine, and the harmony of Musick joyned to our Ladies voices, in which they all three were very excellent; It happened that their harmony begot a desire in the people in the next Room to be attentive to our Musick: the Scrivener desiring his Lady to sing a particular new Song alone, she con­sented thereunto, and performed it very well, with good applause: one person in the next room, who had given attention thereto, and had lately been in com­pany with the Singer, knowing her Voice, was re­solved by one means or other to see and drink with her; and thereupon leaving his Company, he came into our Room, and civilly asking leave, saluted the Ladies, and took acquaintance with the Scriveners Mistress: she being somewhat displeased thereat, in short time took occasion to tell her friend the Scrive­ner that she was much troubled at this accident, and desired his favourable interpretation of this action, for she assured him, she only knew this person as a retai­ner to the house where she lodged, he coming to a­nother Lady there, and not to her; and withal, she desired him, if he thought fit, to affront and chastise him for this his unmannerly intrusion. Her friend the Scrivener being thus informed by his Lady, called me and the Bookseller on one side, and acquainted us with the matter; so that we suddenly resolved to rid our selves of this bold intruder: when we returned to the fire where we left our unwelcome guest and the women, we found him toying with them and a little more bold then they or we were willing to per­mit and allow of; wherefore we gave him some an­gry words, which he being a bluff fellow retorted, and we striving to force him out of the Room, he sing­gle as he was set upon us all, to the great affrighment [Page 214] of the Women, who now beginning to squeak out, our noise occasioned the rest of our guests Companions who were in the next Room to come into ours, and there seeing their Friend set on by us three, which in­deed being odds, they fell on us to his assistance: many blows were not enterchanged, before the Master of the house and others (being called by the noise we made, and the clamours of the women) entred the Room; but all they could do, could not part us, so eager we were in defending, as we thought, the ho­nour of our Ladies; so that the Constable was sent for, and we all seized on; but refusing to be obedient, he forthwith caused us to be conducted to the Justices, who was an Alderman that lived not far off; we be­ing brought before his Worship, being as yet hot as well with Wine as anger, could not agree in our story, nor the occasion of our quarrel; but glad we were when we saw that our Ladies had slipt away, as indeed it was but time (for had they gone with us, I doubt Bridewel would have been their Lodging, and they should have had rapping cheer.) They having thus made their escapes who were the cause of our dif­ference, and we every one contradicting each other in our Discourses, the Alderman made no more ado, but sent us all to the Counter, both Plaintiffs and De­fendants: by such time as we were well setled in our Quarters, and had paid our Garnishes, we all considering the matter, and at length conversing with our Adversaries, put our quarrelsome business in a fair way to be ended; for the occasion being a Whore, we all agreed upon one tale to tell the Al­derman next morning; when being brought before him, and he finding then no difference between us, supposing that it was only a drunken quarrel, was at [Page 215] length perswaded to release us; but before we went, he forced us to pay our fees, and likewise some money to the Poor for being drunk: all which we made a shift to do, by borrowing of one another, and so we were discharged.

Thus was this business overpassed: but though we made a shift to hide it from our Masters, pretending some of our wonted excu [...]es, yet the rest of the Bre­thren of the Club were accquainted with it, and we were soundly laught at, and our wenches applauded for their wit in making their timely escape, or else it would have fared worse with us as well as them, and our business must have come to our Masters ears.

This disgrace did stick upon us a great while, for our Companions would often ask us, when we would go to visit Master Alderman again: wherefore I be­thought my self of a trick how to be revenged of the Alderman, and thereby cause the Discourse to cease: I often going by the Aldermans house saw him stand­ing at his door, and he had a common custome every afternoon to stand or sit there three or four hours to­gether. I waiting my opportunity, went to the Al­derman, and asked if his Maid-servant was within: which of them, said he, Nan or Suzan? Suzan, quoth I: yes, said the Alderman, What is your business with her? May it please your Worship, said I, I was sent hither to take measure of her for some new cloaths What? then thou art a Taylor, said he; I replied, yes, and so he sent me in. I being acquainted with the Maids name (and seeing the Alderman engaged at the door still talking with another Person) asked for Su­zan: when she came to me, I told her, that her Ma­ster sent me in to her, and wished me to ask for his Skarlet Gown, to mend it against a Feasting-day then [Page 216] approaching: she knowing her Master was at the door and believing my story, went for it (I in the mean time watching whether the Alderman still continued at the door (for if I had seen him coming in, I would have my excuses and depart) but as good luck would have it, the Maid came and gave me the Gown, and went about her other business: I wrapping it up under my cloak, went again to the door where Master Alder­man was sitting, who asked me whether I had taken measure of his Maid▪; I told him, yes: What already? said he. Yes, and please your Wor [...]hip: then thou hast made haste, said he; make her Cloaths handsome, she's a good Wench, and make haste, with them too, and let me see that you work well, and thou mayst do some work for me, and in time thou ma [...]st have go [...]d of the Wench. I (being troubled with Master Al­dermans large discourse) only replied▪ I shall, if it please your Worship; and so left him, and so went my way to the next Alehouse, where I applauded my self for my so happy contrivance, and safe deliverance from Master Aldermans impertinencies.

After a little stay in this Alehouse, and night com­i [...]g on, I being thus fraughted with this Cargo, sail­ed to the Tavern where we used to meet, and the Gown being wrapt up in a Cloth, I delivered to the Drawer to lay up, and went up into a Room, where calling for a saggot and pint of Wine. I had not staid long ere some of our Club came, and in short time all the rest; we fell to merry-making, and in our jollity some of our Company nosed us with Master Alderman: well, said I, I suppose that jobb might cost us twenty shillings apiece, and though master Alderman might put the most part of it into his pocket; yet how say you, if I can propound away how to be revenged on [Page 217] him? My two Companions, the Scrivener and the Bookseller, told me, if I could do it, they would give me twenty shillings apiece; a match, said I, I'le be judg'd by the Company: and thereupon I tol [...] them the story, and how I had cheated Master Alderman of his Scarlet-Gown; and to make good my wo [...]d, caused it to be brought up, and shew'd before them: very well pleased was the Scrivener and the Books [...]ller, and all the rest amazed at the boldn [...]ss o [...] my adventure, which was by all [...]pplauded for a great piece of wit, and my money was by them accordingly paid me: then after a cup or two of Wine, consideration was had, what should be done with the Gown, and how it should be disposed of, for we all knew it was haz­ardous and dangerous to dispose of it as it was: so af­ter many propositions & consultations, it was at length generally agreed on, that I should cut it in pieces, and out of Master Aldermans Gown I should make three Peticoats, which should be bestowed upon our three Madona's; and this adjudged very fit and equitable, that they have endured part of the brunt, should re­ceive the whole prize: this I assented to; and the Scrivener and Bookseller, in regard the Gown was mine, gave me each of them twenty shilling apiece more for their share of the cloth; and also they be­tween them furnisht me with a rich Gold and Silver Lace, to be put upon my Ladies Peticoat, equal and alike to that which was put on theirs: and this was an end o [...] the adventure with Master Alderman, of whom we never enquired how he and his maid Suzan agreed about the Gown.


The Relater and several others of the Clubbing-Pren­tices assist the Drugster in putting off of some of his Commodities; he gives them gratuities, and re­lates a notable Cheat by his Master put upon an Iron-monger.

IN this manner did we spend our time; and though our Masters gained more money, and dayly increa­sed their Estates, yet we enjoyed the greater pleasure in each others society: and now we being all acquain­ted with one anothers ways, assisted each other in all things, and there was no want for our selves or Wen­ches, who were often at our meetings, and assisted in our mirth.

I remember one evening, a young man, a Drugster, who was one of our Club, told us that we must all of us assist him in a matter he was about, and he should not only gain a good opinion of his Master, but we should have a Piece or two to spend; we hearing there was convenience and profit, agreed together, soon consented to do our utmost, and therefore desired him to acquaint us with the matter: he thereupon told us, that his Master had lately bought a parcel of Drugs of two or three sorts, which did cost him a­bout 1000 l. in hopes of great gain, for they were at double the price that he would afford his at; but they being too much for one mans sale, he offered to sell good part of them to some of our Trade: but they refused to buy, unless they might have them cheaper [Page 219] then he was willing to afford them, pretending that they had no need of that Commodity, being suffici­ently furnished with the same; although we were ve­ry certain that they could have none of it, there being none to be had in all London, till of late my Master bought this parcel that came from beyond Sea: Now my Master being desirous to sell his Commodity, hath considered of a way how to make his Brother-Drug­sters come to him, and pray him to sell it to them at his price; that way is thus:

He hath desired me to get some of my acquaintance to go to most of the Drugsters in and about London, and pretending to be Apothecaries and others that need those Commodities, to enquire for them, and be­speak quantities thereof; and then he knows, that not being able of themselves to furnish them, they will repair to him, and give him his price. Oh! said the Bookseller, have you learned that trick? I am very well acquainted with this manner of trade, for we com­monly use this slight to sell our Books: for when we have printed a Book that we doubt will not sell with­out preferring, and more ado than ordinary, then we not only Title it upon Posts, put it into News-books, and use several other ways to make it Famous; but we sometimes send several of our acquaintance and friends to most Booksellers shops to inquire for this new book; and they coming so one after another, at length Ma­ster Bookseller is perswaded to buy some of them; nay sometimes, the more to encourage the Booksellers to buy some quantities, we allow our friends to lay out some moneys with them, and buy several of them; and so the Bookseller will commonly, if he sell one or two, buy six or a dozen; and by this means our moneys comes in again with very great profit. Well, reply'd [Page 220] the Drugster, this course must we take with these Drugs, or else they may prove a very Drug to my Ma­ster; for he hath served some of our Trade so many tricks already, that they are very cautious how they deal with him; but this trick of sending friends to ask for a Commodity he hath often used, neither did he learn it of the Bookseller: but there happened an ex­traordinary chance sometime since, and from that ex­perience he hath taken this course.

For there was a Person who used to make Syringes, which Chirurgions and others use to squirt withal in several Distempers; and this man being out of im­ployment, made a great quantity of them, and laid them by him; but not knowing how to dispose of them, he bethought him of this way of sending some friends to inquire for them: and so well did he mannage his business that by imploying persons to enquire of Drug­sters and Apothecaries for them, he not only sold all he had made by him, but in less than a quarter of a year, he took above 200 l. for this Commodity: and this my Master took notice of, and I suppose made a president of, and now resolves upon the same course to put off his Drugs; wherefore I desire your utmost assistance herein, and I shall when you please spend a Piece or two in a Collation. All our Club-fraterni­ty agreed on this▪ and promised to be active here: and thus resolving on our next time of meeting, we parted.

I for my part, the next day accoutring my self in a Country Gentile-garb, went to several Drugsters, and asked for several Drugs, whose names I had gotten; but amongst all▪ I more earnestly desired a good quan­tity of those that were to be thus put off, telling them I was a Country Apothecary, and should call three or [Page 221] [...]our days after again, and lay out a considerable sum of money with them. I having done this for my part, and the rest of our associates having been as diligent, we meeting three days after together, our Drugster told us that his Master had sold all his Commodities to very great profit; and therefore, said he, This col­lation, and each of you a Crown more to buy Gloves, is my Masters charge, and he desires you to accept thereof; which we accordingly did, being glad we had done so good service to him and his Master.

I understanding by this, that there were tricks and cheats in this Trade as well as others, was desirous to be acquainted with the manner of their Trading; and he being but a Novice, told me, he could not tell me much of it, but he was very sensible that there was much knavery in that Mystery, in mixing and sophi­sticating their Drugs, and getting the Spirits of some of them away, and renewing it in others, as served to their profit: and pursued he, I have one trick where­by my Master gets some Money in a year; [...]or it be­ing customary to give a Pipe of Tobacco to any that comes into the Shop, and desires it, I give them of that which is very good; and they liking thereof, and the price, commonly buy of the same, and sometimes a quantity, desiring still it may be of the same they have tasted; the which I promise to do, and before their Eyes take it out of the same box: but the knack of it is this, it is for all that a different and worser sort of Tobacco; for the Tobacco that I gave them as a taste, is only placed in one corner of the box for that purpose, and so it goes off, as if it were all the same; and sometimes we put off, a whole Roll of Tobacco in the same manner: for the out side roll is of good Spanish right, but all in the inner-part is Mundun­goes, not worth a great a Cart-load.

[Page 222]But this is nothing to what way my Master hath; and he lately exercised his wits to a pretty profitable account, and thus it was: My Master among other sort of Drugs, had bought a quantity of Dragons-bloud, being pieces of wood, dipped, as is supposed, or rather pretended, in Dragons-bloud; and this is good Physick, and for other uses: this Com­modity not proving very good, my Master had a great desire to put it off, but could not get any body to buy of it: he had been not only with Drug­sters, but also with some Iron mongers to sell it, for they use it about their Locks, and other Iron work, to keep them from rust; but no person was willing to deal with him about it. My Master had a Neigbour that was an Iron monger, whom he had a great desire to deal withal; but he being a wary young man, and hearing that my Master was a snap, refused all deal­ing with him: and some words passed which displea­sed my Master, and therefore he resolved to be aven­ged; and thereupon having designed his business, with the help of two Confederates, he thus puts it in ex­ecution.

He gave a small quantity of this Dragons-blood to one of his Confederates, who having full instructions, went to the Iron-Mongers house, and seeing him standing at the door, asked him if he wanted not some of that commodity, shewing the same to him: No, said the Iron-monger. I was informed, said the man, that you sometimes deal in it, and was recommended by a friend to come to you; and if you please to deal with me, I shall use you very kindly. To this the Iron-monger replyed, that he needed not any of it. But, said the other, I suppose you sell of it to o­thers sometimes, and may therfore do me a courtesie, [Page 223] and your self too, for I have not a shop to sell it in, and am a stranger; wherefore, if you please, I shall leave this parcel with you, and you putting it on your stall may happen on a Customer, which if you do, I can furnish you with more; and thus you, without laying out any money, may get some profit. The I­ron-monger hearing of this, and conceiving the man to be honest and harmless, consented to his desire, en­tertained the condition and the goods, and enquired further of the price; the man telling him that he un­derstood it was worth three shillings per pound, but he would willingly take two shillings eight pence, be­cause he might have profit; and telling him that he would call on him in a weeks time: and they at this time parted.

And thus the Iron-monger having received the Commodity, put some of it out every day on his stall, till at length a man coming by, and seeing that to lie there, and the Master of the Shop at the door, asked him the price thereof; the Iron-monger told him three shillings per pound. The Customer desired to look further into it, desiring to know how much he had of it: Truly said the Iron-monger, I cannot tell, but I suppose, if we agree, I can furnish you with a good quantity. Why, said the Customer, I will give you two shillings eight pence per pound for it, if you have 500 lib. of it. Well, said the Iron-monger, call here a day or two hence, and I will resolve you, and it is like we may deal together: Thus at present they par­ted. But he came again the next day, and the day following, pretending great earnestness to buy the Commodity: in the mean time the Iron-monger wait­ed and watched narrowly to see and speak with the man that left it there, but could not meet with him, [Page 224] for he stayed away on purpose; and this Customer that came to buy, was likewise the other of my Ma­sters Confederates, and sent by him for that purpose. At length, the Iron-monger standing at his door, he saw the man that left the Dragons bloud passing by his door, and called to him, and then discoursed seriously with him about the matter, as, what would be his lowest price, and what quantity he had? To both these Questions he answered, He would take two [...]hil­lings six pence; and the quantity he had was [...]0 lib. The Iron-monger hearing this, and resolvi [...]g [...]ow to deal, told him that he thought it was to dea [...]; but if he would take two shillings four pence, he thought he might buy all his quantity. To this the Seller reply'd, That it was too cheap; but taking all, and paying him ready money, he would do it. The Iron-monger replyed, That ready money was two months: but, said he, If I deal, you shall have half down at the delivery, and the other half at three months: to this they both agreed. But the Iron-monger being cautious, would not at present fully con­clude, referring the ending the Bargain to two days, in the mean time resolving to see if his Customer came that was to buy; and then enquiring the name and ha­bitation of the Seller, they parted.

Long had not the Iron-monger waited, but his buy­ing Customer came, and as earnestly as formerly de­sired to buy the Commodity; the which now the Iron-monger agreed to sell at two shillings eight pence per pound, and to be paid at weighing: and that he might be sure of his Customer, he takes ten shillings in part of payment, and appoints two days thence to finish the bargain Thus did the Iron-monger reckon to gain 500 Groats, which is 8l. 3 s. 4 d. Bes [...]des, he [Page 225] was resolved to have all ready money, and to pay but half; but he reckoned without his Host, as I shall pre­sently tell you: the Seller of the Dragons-blood com­ing the next day, finished his bargain, delivered his Commodity, received his money, and took a bill from the Iron-monger for the moyety of his money to be paid in three months. But now the Iron-monger had the Commodity, he might go look for a Customer; for he that left the ten shillings came no more, and the Commodity lay still on his hands; at which he was fretted, but could not help him [...]elf.

My Master having thus managed this affair by these two Confederates, received the mony, and had the Bill assigned to him, giving both his Confederates something for their pains.

He having thus done the Iron mongers business, was not contented with the profit alone, but was re­solved to vex him; and therefore when he passed by his shop, he asked him if he would buy any Dragons- [...]ood. No, [...]aid the other, I can sell you some. I'll buy, said my Master, but when he saw it, and heard the price, he told him, No, he could sell him as good as that for 12 d. per pound. At this the Iron-monger was more vexed; but now not knowing how to help himself, was forced to rest contented: at length the three months came, and then my Master was resolved to shew all his anger, and vex the Iron-monger more, and therefore went himself to demand the money that was due: the Iron-monger answered him, that he ow­ed him none: Whereupon he produced his bill, and a Letter of Attorney; and then he too late perceived how he had been served. For my Master told him, that now he would be even with him, for refusing to deal with h [...], and abusing him. The other said, it [Page 226] was a cheat, and he would make him bring out the par­ty that bought it, giving him ten shillings in part of payment. That shall I do quickly, said my Master, but it will be but small to your gain: and then told him the name of the man, and that he was not worth a farthing, and a Prisoner in the Kings-Bench. At this the Iron-monger being much more vexed then be­fore, told my Master that he would not pay him, and bid him take his course; the which he did the next morning, and arresting him, soon brought the case to a tryal, and having an absolute bill of payment of the money, cast the Iron monger; who advising with his Lawyers, went to Westminster for a Writ of Error, which he gained: but when he came back with it, thinking to stop Execution, he found that he came too late; for my Master doubting such business, never left till he served the Execution, so that when the Poor Iron-monger came back with his Writ of Error, he found the Bayliffs and my Master in the shop, in pos­session of his goods; and he being out of Moneys [...] present was forced to let my Master have all his Dra­gons-blood again at twelve pence per pound, and [...]o in that and other Commodities paying his Debt and Charges, and giving each other general Releases (which my Master earnestly insisted on, and without which my Master would do nothing, the Iron-mon­ger being in a strait) they made an end of this bargain: and now the Iron-monger, when he came to a second reckoning of his bargain, sound, that instead of get­ting 8l. 2 s. 4d. h [...] had lost 33l. 3s. 4d. besid [...]s all his Cost; and my Master thus having gained [...] com­modity▪ [...]old it since to another for one [...] pence per pound. And this, said the Drug [...] one of my Mast [...]s [...] to g [...]t money▪

[Page 227]This young fellow had taken a great deal of pains to discover every particular of his Masters late bargain: from what he had related, I concluded the Master to be a very cunning practitioner in the Mysterious Art of Knavery, and therefore I was desirous to be ac­quainted with him; and knowing that he was but a young man himself, and also desirous of acquaintance, I found no great difficulty to attain to my desires, which I soon a [...]ter accomplished, as I shall relate to you in the next Chapter.


The Relater and the Drugsters Master come ac­quainted, being concerned in Tryals at Law: their several Cases they relate to each other.

MY Master having much dealing, had many Debts owing him, and he was forced to sue some per­sons to get in his monies; and I having delivered a parcel of Clothes, was sid p [...]u [...]'d to attend to testifie the same in Court, upon a Tryal which my Master was to have with his Debtor. I attended the Court when Tryal of the Cause should be call'd, several hours; and there did I meet with the young Drug­ster, who was waiting upon some such like occasion: we both having leisure, & his Servant having told him that I principally assisted in putting of his Drugs, he to gratifie me, offered me a Pint of Wine. I accep­ted his kindness, and to the Tavern we went, where he again thanked me for the courtesie I had done him; and then he enquired my business at the Court, I told [Page 228] him, it was upon a Tryal of my Masters, who sued one for money for a suit of Cloaths. That is strange, said he, that any should re [...]use to pay for work when done. True, said I, but he pretends there is some­what more then ordinary in the Case, as indeed there is, if well understood; and knowing you to be inge­nious, I shall relate it to you. A person had occasi­on to have a suit of Cloaths made, and would not en­trust my Master to buy the Cloth; but having enqui­red how much would do the business, my Master told him five [...]rds and a half, to make a Suit and large co [...]t The other supposing that five yards would do the business, and the half yard be saved, bought but five; and bringing it home, desired my Master to cut it out before him; and if there w [...]nted any more cloth, it should be supplyed. My Master seeing himself di­strusted, was resolved to be even with his Customer; and to cutting of it out he went: first, he cut out the Dou [...]let, and then the Breeches; but instead of one pair of B [...]eeches, he cut out two pair, perswading the Customer that it was but one; and when he came to cut out the coat, there was a great deal of cloth wan­ting; so that the Gentleman was forced to buy a yard more of cloth, the which he saw cut out likewise; and though he was cheated before his face, could not disco­ver it; my Master s [...]rving him well enough: for where­as he int [...]d but to get half a yard of cloth by him, he now saved a whole one.

The suit was made up, and the Gentleman wore it: but as [...]et not being fully satisfied, coming into Com­pany with another Taylor, he asked how much cloth might be in that suit and coat. The Taylor replyed, Five yards: the Gentleman said he bought six, and saw it all cut out and put into the clothes. The Tay­lor [Page 229] wondering hereat, told him, that he would make hi [...] [...] [...]uit and coat full as large as that with five yards. The [...]entleman agreed, and more cloth was bought, [...]eliv [...]ed to the Taylor, and the suit made according­ly [...] [...]he Gentleman not as yet having paid my Ma­ster h [...] [...]ill, refused to do it, pretending he is cheated, but n [...] [...]nowing how; and this day we are to have a T [...]yal▪ and I question not, but I who am my Masters chief w [...]ss, [...]hall be able to outwit the other Ma­st [...]r-Ta [...]or▪ who is here in Court ready to testifie a­gainst us How do you mean to order the matters said th [...] [...]ugster. Truly, said I, in one word I will make [...] that the Gentlemans six yards of cloth was cut out [...]nd m [...]de up, in Doublet, Breeches and Coat, as in [...]e [...]d it was: but I do not say how many pair of Breeches; and I suppose, they not suspecting me, will not be curious in asking the question.

The Drugster was so well pleased in my relation of the story, that he told his case, which said he is this; I have had some little misfortunes in the world, and people have lately called on me for money, more then I could well pay at present; and one person particu­larly has been so outragiously foolish, as to say that I was a Bankrupt, and that I would never pay him; now I have brought my Action against him for slander and defamation, and hope to get so great damages against him, as he shall be willing to forgive me my debt: and this will be a good leading Card to muzzle the Mouths of the rest of my Creditors, who in­deed are so civil as to come into Court, and testifie in my behalf.

This Case being well managed (said I) may be very considerable with you, and turn to your profit and credit both. Our Wine and Discourse being ended, [Page 230] we both went into the Court, where I heard his try­al so well managed, as he recovered 200l. damage: and my Master, with my evidence, recovered his Debt; and then threatned to sue the Gentleman for defama­tion: he hearing thereof, and seeing how great damages were given to one there present, upon the same account, presently made his Composition with my Master, and gave him ten pound to put up the bu­siness. My Master gave me 20 s. to spend, which I did in Wine and good Company; and the Drugster having had this success, was now more contented then ever, and his credit grew high in the City, so that he was intrusted with some thousands; but he and I be­ing after that very intimate, I perswaded him at a convenient time to give me an account of his life and actions; I having formerly told him of many of mine. We being planted at a Tavern, and no person to inter­rupt us, he began as followeth.


The Drugster in relating hi [...] Life, discovers several Cheats which he performed under the Cloak of re­ligion; as also how he cheated his Masters Sister of her Mai [...]-hea [...] and E [...]tate; and several Cheats in Sm [...]ckling.

THough the whole course of my Life, from my Infancy to this time, hath been a continued piece of Knavery, I having been of many Trades, and most Factious in Religion, in which I have always been a very great stickler: yet I shall not give you any ac­count [Page 231] of my minority, omitting all my actions till I came to abou [...] twenty years of age, when I gained some experien [...]e in the world, and had learned how to play my Ca [...]is to the best advantage.

I served an Apprentiship with a Master whose whole Famil [...], cons [...]sting of himself, Wife, Sister, and four Servan [...], was an absolute Compendium of most Reli­gious [...] then practised in England: He himself was a [...] rigid Presbyterian; his Wife a Ranter; his Si [...] [...] Anabaptist; three of the Servants Indepen­d [...] [...] of several Churches and Perswasions; and I, [...]ugh an Independant, being of all Religions, yet [...] non [...] at all, that gave them all the hearing; and w [...]h my Master was a Presbyterian, and would ordi­narily accompany him in his long-winded prayers, which being filled with tautologies and nonsence, he esteemed and often used, believing himself to be assist­ed with a Divine Spirit. Many absurdities he com­mitted in his Devotion, as praying for the Reformati­on of his Family, and pointing out a time when he should or would have a return of his Prayers, at which time he would charge Providence with the fault; he having strictly observed all the Commandements, in Fasting, Praying, relieving the Brethren, and per­forming all other Duties which Sir Iohn his Ghostly father had imposed on him. He would often recount the particular enormities of his Wife and Family, and how she lay out from him three nights together in a week, and where she was; and would earnestly pray for, either her conversion, or confusion. Many other impertinences would he commit, which would be too tedious to me to recount: but in general, I found his zeal to be a weakness in his brain, and he was conti­nually led about as Sir Iohn Presbyter directed.

[Page 232]My Mistress was likewise led about by those of her Gang, which were absolute Libertines, affording them­selve all manner of pleasure, and denying themselves injoyment of nothing they could Purchase; and she would pretend Religion in all her frollicks; for she would say, That no sin was imputed to the Saints; and indeed it was no sin, unless she her self thought it so. That she, or any other Sister, might lie with another Brother, was accounted a general maxime amongst them, especially if they [...]hose their time when their Husbands are asleep, which they termed to be dead, and therefore might then do it without breach of any Commandment. She would be very costly both in her Apparel and die [...]s, alleadging, that it was not fit, that the Body which was a sacred Temple, should be coursly either cloathed or fed. I had a great mind to have been of her Religion, because there was so much freedom and enjoyments therein; but my Master kept me in a little too strictly; and my Mistress keeping company with the High-boys, slighted the tender of my service. Thus having failed in this attempt, I made my way to my Mistresses Sister, who was an Anabaptist; she I often waited on by my Mistresses commands, and at length was admitted to be one of the Brethren in the Conventicle, whereof she was a Sister; I professed a great deal of zeal for that way, and my Master often instructed me in Scripture, I soon from a proficient became a Preacher, and was of great eminency amongst them.

Thus did I spend my time till my Apprenticeship was out, and was a freeman; and then did I begin to look about me, to see what I might get for my self: for I had not undertaken this course of Teaching, but in hopes to gain my Mistresses Sister; and she still put [Page 233] me off till I was [...] of my time, pleading tenderness of Conscienc [...] w [...]ld not permit her to give me any enjoyment [...]f [...] be [...]ore Marriage, and that could not law [...]ully [...], till my time was out: which being come, [...] courted her, and she gave me the hearing, [...] put me off desiring me first to settle my self i [...] [...] World, I now believing that she intended to [...], was resolved to play the same hand at Cards [...] her; and perswading her that I still gained [...] of an Estate by my dealings in the World, I sp [...]nt [...]ome moneys on her, and taking my opportunity, g [...]in [...]d my ends upon her; for pre­tending that I had la [...]ely made a bargain, whereby I should get a 100 l. if I had fifty pound ready money more then my own, which was likewise fifty pound; She having moneys by her, willingly consented to lend me fifty pound, provided that she might see the disbursing thereof. I then thinking to kill two Birds with one stone, readily consented; and heartily thank­ing her, desired her to provide he self to go with me next Tide to Gravesend, where I was to lay out the moneys: she did accordingly, and carrying fifty pound with her, I having raised such another sum, we took boat and made for Gravesend, where, when we arrived, I left her to rest her self at an Inn, and went on board a Ship that was newly come from the Indies, and bought as much Indigo as came to 150l. I had it a very good penny-worth, but not so good as to perswade her that I should gain 100 l. by it, which I had promised; wherefore, that I might make out the matter to be plain to her, I engaged the Seaman I had dealt withal to secrecy, and made this bargain, that I should pay him 100l. down, and pay the rest in two monthes, telling him that I was a great dealer. He [Page 234] believing me without much difficulty, not only con­sented to this, but also to say, that he had but 100l. for all the Commodity: we having thus agreed, went to my Sweet-hearts Chamber, & there co [...]cluded our bargain before her; who having some skill in the price of that Commodity, did believe the bargain to be as profitable as I alledged to her, and freely laid down her money, which together with my fifty pound was paid to the Seaman, and the goods delivered into a Lighter to be carried to London, and delivered accor­ding to order.

This affair being dispat [...]'d, I was resolved to drive the nayl home a little further, and as I had got the money, so to g [...]t the Maid; wherefore, I preten [...]ing expedition, told her, it would be most convenient for us to ride home: the wholly confiding in me, consented thereto, and a Horse was procured to car­ry us double▪ mounted we were, and so advanced on our journey, but pretending some business, I made an halt at the next Town homewards, where I did my Horse the unkindness to prick him in the foot, that he might halt, and not be able to carry us through that night: this being done, we again mounted, and I fell to thanking my Mistress for this great favour, not only in assisting me with her Purse, but accom­modating me with her company; and now, said I, I hope you will no longer delay me the enjoyment of your self, and the rest of your Estate. Truly, said she, this days action hath resolved me of all doubts, and now I have so good opinion of you, that I shall no longer delay our Marriage then shall stand with your conveniency. To this I returned an answer full of love and kindness. Our Horse by this time felt the effects of my work, for he halted so much, [Page 235] that we could only go a foot pace, and with much dif­ficulty came to the next Town, where we were forced to alight, and it growing late, and impossible to get to London that night, we resolved to take up our quar­ters for the present.

I having placed my Mistress in a private Chamber, went into the Stable, and soon removed the obstru­ction that hindred our horse from going, so that by the next morning he was well enough able to Travel, I left him to the care of the Hostler, and went up to my Mistress, who expected me to Supper, which I had ordered to be provided for us, and that being ready, I invited our Landlady to be a Guest, though our Commons were but short, being only one Chick­en, yet I made a long Grace, which according to our custome, might amount to a Prayer; and I remem­ber that among other matters, I prayed that our Horse might be so well recovered, as that he might be so well able to carry us next day to London: our Landlady soon understanding what kind of Guests she had, believing that she should get little by our Company, was desirous of leaving it, which she did, by pretending business, and so we had the whole Chicken left us for our own eating, we hardly made or left any bones of it, so hungry we were. Supper being ended, we went to the fire, and I designing my business, call'd for a quart of Claret, which we burn'd, sweetned, and drank off; and by this time my Mistress was so sweet upon me, that we talked very familiarly and pleasantly, and oftentimes I interlaced our Dis­courses with Kisses and amorous Sighs, to which I was welcomed, and many times invited: I then called [...]r another Quart of Wine, which we likewise drank off, and then I found my Mistress very full of the [Page 236] Creature, so that she drew [...]ear to the Bed, and at length cast her self thereon; I was not long after her, but lay down likewise, and first beginning with em­braces and kisses, in a little [...]ime I gained possession of all my endeavours, she lying as fast asleep all the while; but when I had done, and was again laid by her, she started up, and seemed to be very angry with me: but I supposing that it was because I had so soon done, catched hold of he [...], and attempted to be at her again, but in vain did I endeavour it, for she then be­gan to be angry, reproaching me with dishonesty, and using many canting terms, which I omit: I told her, what was done could not be undone, and therefore comforted her, and told her all should be well by our sudden Marriage: thus did I appease her, and we soon agreed upon every thing▪ so that though I was ap­pointed another Chamber, which I pretended to lodge in, yet I lay all night with her. The next morning we arose betime; and mounting our horse, who was now well enough, we soon arrived at London, where for the present we parted. I having thus gained my ends of this woman, having part of her Estate in my possession, and by the enjoyment of her person having the command of the rest, was resolved only to abuse her; stript her of what she had, and so leave her: for I found no such sweetness in my nights lodging with her, but what I might expect from another; having before that tasted woman in the enjoyment of two or three of our Sisters, which passages I omit, and tell this to acquaint you how this woman undid her self by her Covetuousness, for had she not distrusted me with her money, I should have married her, but now my mind was otherwise bent.

I received my Goods, and now my stock being [Page 237] much encreased by this fifty pound, and the profit of my bargain, I paid the Seaman, and proceeded in Tra­ding: and though I had little skill in forreign Com­modities, yet I ventured at all, neither did I want Money, for instead of paying back the fifty pound to my Mistress, I soon after had 100 l. more, and yet she could not perswade me to marriage, I still pretending multiplicity of business: at length, all her Portion, being 400 l. got into my hands, I only paid her with a nights lodging, which now and then we had toge­ther; but as to marriage, I still pretended one reason or other to defer it.

I not only proceeded in my Merchandizing, but continued in my Preaching at our usual Conventicles, where I was become very famous, and a great dispu­tant; but at length I finding there was but little to be gotten by them (and my principle being always to gain what I could) I became now almost weary of them, and willing to leave the Congregation for ano­ther that courted me, but I was resolved e're I left them, to make some use of them, and get somewhat of them. I thus laid my Plot: I gave a Bond to a Con­federate for 100 l. pretending that I owed so much to him; I gave out, that I would on such a day not only preach to my Congregation, but also Dispute with a­ny opposer on several Articles. The time being come I had a full Auditory, and performed my Preachment and Disputation to the general satisfaction of all, and then appointed that the next day I would hold forth some other points, that had not as yet been disputed of, inviting all the Congregation and all others that would come, to meet me in a larger room then that was wherein we exercised at present. Thus having finished my Discourse, I dismissed my Auditors; but I [Page 238] was no sooner out of the House, but I was seized on by a bayliff, in Execution for 20 [...] l [...]o [...] my Con­federate who had the bond, had brought [...]t to Judg­ment: I was then accompanied by two or three of my Congregation, who much wondring at the bu­siness, desired the Bayliff to have pat [...]ence, and to go into the next House, which we did and [...]he Case being opened, I confessed the Debt, with [...]l, alleading that I was not at present able to pay it, having lately ventu­red most of my Estate to Sea. Those of my Congre­gation hearing this (and being much grieved that their Pastor should be thus snatch'd from them, espe­cially when he had deserved so well) sent for some more of their Brethren, who were monied men; and so among them they paid the debt, and I was discharg­ed: but soon after this, I left them, and they were forced to make a Collection or gathering among them­selves to reinburse themselves their moneys; and my Mistress who had been all this while delayed by me with fairwords, made her complaints to the brethren, but to no purpose, for she received no redress or satis­faction, I having now quite left them and their faction for another, where by reason of my abillity in preach­ing, I was entertained, and an accord made between me and my quondam Mistress, I only giving her back 50 l. of her 400 l. we being now absolutely parted from one another, she receiving no other satisfaction of me, either for her many nights lodging or mony, then fifty pound, which she willingly received, be­lieving me to be a beggar; my new Congregation voluntarily raising that money for that purpose.

Thus was I quit of her, and had gained five hundred pound in my pocket, only under the cloak of Religion. and having such success, I in short time discovered my [Page 239] self to be rich, by buying many bargains of good value, paying ready mony, and raised my self to so high a re­putation, that I won a widdow of an indifferent fortune to be my wi [...]e, and so settled my self in the World.

As for my Preaching-trade, I finding that it had al­ready done me as much service as I expected from it, I left it, for I had now a wife and money, and for that end, and to get them, I took it up, and being provi­ded with both, I left it, but especially finding that it grew every day into disesteem, it being about the time of his Majesties happy Return; when instead of a preaching Fanatick, I quickly faced about, and leav­ing my congregational friends, I enquired out, and procured Cavalier acquaintance, so that I who a little before the Kings coming home, was used to wear short Hair, and was modest and precise in my habit) had now a large Perewig, a great Plume of Feathers, and all other accoutrements accordingly, being still dili­gent on all occasions to associate my self with the Cap­tain and cheif Officers of the Trained-Bands of our Company, into whose acquaintance and Society I soon insinuated my self, by my Gallantry in my habit and expences in Taverns being conformable.

Thus did I become a Gentleman, and from a Preci­sian a Prodigal, nay an Antick, and every thing, what not? that I might please all: for instead of Prayer-book, or some other Fanatical piece of divinity, I now carried in my pocket, either Cards or Dice, and so great a love I had to Hocus Pocus, that all their Tools, viz. Box of Counters, Balls, Cups, and other Trin­kets which are made use of in that mysterious functi­on, were all my Companions: having learned con­fidence when I was a Preacher, I was now the better emboldned to stare my Spectators in the face, while I [Page 240] cunningly enough performed my feats of activity; and such a readiness I had, that I was an able proficient, I spent so much time in these fooleries, that I almost lost my self; and now having a wife and family to main­tain, I found my Estate so far to decrease, that I was forced to look after my business, and fall to Merchan­dizing: but having lost a considerable part of my E­state which I had adventured at Sea, I was resolved, as I said, to trust no more to that Element, and not to let my Estate go out of my sight; wherefore I, still as shipping came in, went on board, either in the Downs, Portsmouth or Plymouth, and there buying good bar­gains, which the Seamen, newly come home, would af­ford for ready Money, I began to prick up again, and have Money at command; I then bought me a small Pinnace or small Pleasure boat; and with that went on board of Ships, bought Goods, and made a shift to stow as much on board privately, that I saved much by the customes and other duties. This Trade I drove a long time, gained much by stealing Duties; neither did I care what goods I dealt in, having Cu­stomers of all sorts and Trades, who knowing that I drove this Trade, employed me to buy for them, a­greeing the prizes before hand: but I was snap'd one time, and all my goods seized for not paying duties, and an Information put into the Exchequer against me: I finding that it would be but a folly to contend there, agreed with the Informer, and he suffered me to cast him; so that I got off for a sum of money, but I gained much experience thereby, so that I then be­gan a new Trade, and would engage many of my Friends to go and buy Goods on board of Ship, and if they got them clear from the Ships side [...]; it was e­nough; for I would come immediately in another [Page 241] Boat, as if a stranger, and seize the Goods as forfeited for want of the payment of duties, and so secure them from any other seizure: and if any other person came to seize on them, I then pretended it to be my busi­ness, having made the first seizure, but if we were not met with by another, then we passed clear without a­ny more trouble: nay, so bold and confident was I grown in this kind of Trade, called Smuckling; that I have had fifty and an hundred pound at a time given me to go over into Holland or France in a Ship which hath brought much prohibited goods, which I have seized so soon as we came near any Port of England, to prevent any other seizure; and then putting an in­formation into the Exchequer, have suffered costs a­gainst me, and all hath been clear. I gained not only much money by this means, but also the esteem of a cunning subtile fellow, and was employed in many such affairs, and sometimes in Law-suits.

I remember once I came into Company with a very f [...]ir Lady, who having an old cross-grain'd fellow to her Husband, had not only lived from him some time, but was so foolish as to be married to another person, who was a Gentleman of much worth and merit, The Ladies old Husband (understanding it, and more out of Covetousness of gaining money, which he belie­ved the Gentleman would on this occasion part from, then any love he bore his Wife) hunted them out from one place to another, and the young Gentleman refu­sing to comply with the old Knights desires, he was re­solved now to prosecute her for Life.

This Story was told me by the Gentleman himself, and the Lady assured me of the truth of the matter, imploring my assistance: Well, Madam, said I, come, be ruled by me, and I will disapoint your old Husband, [Page 242] and you shall laugh at him: Having considered the matter, I ordered her to go next day into the Coun­try, above 100 miles from London, and there to ex­pect me, and obey my further orders, this she did; and I soon following her, and the Assizes beginning the next day, I got a Warrant to apprehend and bring her before the Bench, she came, and I charged her with having two Husbands, she denying; and I alledging the matter, she was committed, and an Indictment brought in, but when she was to be try'd, I was not to be found, nor any person else to prosecute her: so that she was quit by proclamation. A Copy of this Process I took out of the Court, and so she and I came to London to the Gentleman her friend, who gladly welcomed us, and now they live together in spight of the old Knight, who attempted to trouble them, found it in vain, for she could not be tryed for one fact twice.

This feat did I meerly out of my own apprehension and fancy, and it succeeding according to my wishes, I had a considerable reward for my pains.


The Drugster sets two Persons, his wives Brothers-in-Law at variance, he gets Money out of them both, proceeds in T [...]ading, but adventuring too much, cannot pay his Debts, and is therefore clapt up in Prison.

I Drave this rambling Trade for a long time, and gained enough by it, but I was so prodigal in my [Page 243] expences (both at home and abroad, that I might be counted some body) and sometimes loosing considera­ble sums at gaming, that I began to go behind hand, and oftentimes when I pretended to go to Graves [...]nd, the Downs, or other places to buy some Drugs, or other Merchandise aboard a Ship, I went not far from London to a brave handsome Lass, that I kept for my private recreation. For though I had a wife, and she indifferent handsome, yet was she cold in her embra­ces, and still talking of the cares of the World, and propounding ways to get Moneys. But my private Lady was quite different, being wholly composed of Love and sweetness, professing nothing more dear to her, then my Society: and we had no other discourse but pleasure and enjoyments, in the greatest height we could imagine; This, though it were pleasant, was very chargeable, to keep such a Commodity for my own private use, so that I gained not much at the years end, and what I got over the Devils back, I spent under his belly, as the Proverb goes: Wherefore my wife cal­led on me to stay at home and apply my self to some setled way, but that I could not do, for my Stock was grown low, and my spending as high as ever.

My Wife had a Father-in-Law who was a Citizen, and a monyed man; him I got into favour with, and by my free entertainment of him, won him to me; for he having left off trading in London, lived some miles off, and coming to London would often visit me, where I still welcomed him, and attended him abroad when he went to receive Rents, or any Moneys, and assisted him in all such things that I could with much diligence. My stock being very low, I borrowed Moneys of him to trade with, and was very Punctual in my payment, so that he put so much confidence in me, as to lend [Page 244] me 100 l. and more I might have had, had I requested it: as he and his wife (who was my wives Mother) of­ten visited me at my house, so at convenient times I was a guest at theirs in the Country, where I associa­ted my self with the best Gentl [...]men of the place, win­ing upon the affections of all, by my facetious and pleasant converse. I had hopes of raising my fortunes by my wives Mother, who I hoped would out-live her husband, and then at her death be able and willing to give me good part of her estate, but it fell out o­therwise, for she fell Sick and died before him, but it was but good luck to be there, and my wife being still near her, she gave her some Rings and other things that were considerable.

The old man my Father-in-Law being desirous to bury his wife at London, according to her request, went up with us, and being somewat sick before, so soon as his wife was buried, was so surprized with a distem­per, that he took his bed, and after ten weeks sickness dyed at my house, during his sickness, I be thought my self of what advantage I might make it, and endea­voured to please him in all I might, but he having two Sons, I could not expect much of the estate, but was resolved by hook or by crook to have a considerable share, and to that end, I knew no better way then to divide the two Brothers, and put them at difference. The eldest was a married man, and though of an easie temper, yet I knew was too honest to be wrought on to do any unhansome action, the youngest being a young bluff fellow, was apt to believe any thing I should perswade him to, wherefore at first I possest him with a jealousie against his brother, that he would de­fraud him of his share of the estate, if he did not take heed and follow my directions, which if he did, I [Page 245] would put him into a way to command his elder bro­ther in every thing.

The young man being of a suspicious nature, easily believed me; and then I particularly advised him, that the first thing he ought to do, was to get the Regi­ster of his age altered; for if his father should now dye, and he not truly being twenty years of age, could not expect to have the possession of any part of the E­state, unless he were one and twenty. Wherefore to the house of the Parish Register we went, and for the spending of one shilling, and five shillings in Money, we had the Register book delivered to us, where I be­ing well skilled in counterfeiting and imitating of hands; soon alter'd the Register, putting his age out in one place, and writing it in another place two years before, so that the young man was now made half a year above full age. Then did we call the Register, who gave us a Certificate out of the book of the young mans age, and this we carried with us as authentick, and to be produced on all occasions. I having done thus much for the young Man, he could not deny me any thing I desired or requested: so that the old sick Gentleman being still weaker, and having his Money in a Trunk by his Beds-side, I perswaded the younger Brother (who had the key) to take some out and lend to me; which he did: and that the old Man might not see the action; I and my wife would stand by the beds-side before him, so that by degrees I got 100 l. from thence: and when the old man dyed, though he left a considerable Estate, yet was there not a penny of ready Money. The elder brother know­ing that he had foul-play shewed him, began to be an­gry, but to no purpose, for he was forced to comply, the younger brother having possession of that Trunk, [Page 246] and the keys of all others where all the Writings were. The old man being buried (and much excess and pro­digality shewed in the expen [...]es and costs thereof, which was done principally at my invitement, that I might gain repute by inviting as many friends as I pleased, and also drain my two young men of their moneys) the two brothers began to discourse the mat­ter, the elder brother demanding possession of the E­state, and a divident to be made according to the Will of their Father; and, said he, Brother, your share must either be in my hands, or else in the Chamber of London till you come of age: How, said I, till he come of age? Sure, you mistake your self, he is of sufficient age already; and thereupon produced the Certificate, which though it was very punctual, yet the elder bro­ther (who was near ten years older then his brother) and several others who were present, knew to be false: and this was the first breach between them, which had like to have grown to a high flame: for the elder Bro­ther applying himself to the Register, upon search of the Book, found the fallacy: and indeed the Register acknowledged the fact; for which he, and the young­er brother, and my self had like to have kissed New-gate, by order of the Lord Mayor, who being ac­quainted herewith, was highly incensed against us all, professing before the whole Court of Aldermen, That this act was of high concernment, and might be pre­judicial to the whole City. The elder brother was very cautious in prosecuting this affair, being tender of his brothers credit, and therefore endeavoured by fair means to bring h [...]s brother to a fair compliance; which he effected in my absence, and so wrought up­on his Brother, that the Trunk of Writings was sent for to a Tavern, where they were then divided, and [Page 247] the Trunk with part of the Writings delivered to him, with promise to put a fair end to the rest of the diffe­rence. When I came home, and found the Trunk gone, I stormed exceedingly; and believing my self disappointed of my purpose, found out the younger Brother, and schoold'd him so foundly, that he by my directions went back to his brothers house, and by a false token, regained the Trunk with the Writings, which he had new sent home. Thus was their diffe­rence enlarged, and likely to be worse; but the Elder Brother so moderately complyed with all mine and his demands, though never so unreasonable, that a division and partition was made, not only of the Estate, but some part of the Goods, which being Plate, and Linnen, and Pewter, were delivered into my custody: and all the differences between the brothers being en­ded, I demanded of the elder brother satisfaction for his fathers being at my house during the time of his sickness: he little expected this; for his father had given to me and mine an hundred pound, but that was nothing; I owed him so much, and I must have more, and so I told him I would have, or mischeif him: not giving any other reason, but that he had enough, and I would have part. Thus did I hope to huff him out of his money: but he, though he was easie and good-natured (which I accounted next of kin to a fool) yet wholly refused me, affirming that I had no reason for my demands, for I had an hundred pound given me, and that I had not been at any charge, for his fa­ther had continually given my wife money to provide all necessaries, and that some of that was still in my wives hands.

Though I knew what he alledged was true, yet I still persisted in my demands, and told him, that so [Page 248] much I would have for the trouble of my house: he offered to refer it to two men; I long refused it, but at the length consented, and tampered with his Ar­bitrator, promising him a reward, if he would an­swer my exp [...]ctations; but he, contrary to my ex­pectation proved very honest, and gave me but half what I asked; n [...]ither would he have consented to that, but that the elder brother himself advised him thereto, out of a desi [...] of Peace. This Award I was much troubled at, and seeing I cou [...]d get no more, was contented with what I could get of him: but the youn­er brother I flee'd somewhat more considerably, get­ting out of them both, in Legacy, Mony and Goods, to the value of three or four hundred pounds: with which stock of money, and a greater of credit, re [...]or­ting of greater matters that were given me, I again fell to trafficking, and now dealt more considerably then ever: for I went to publick Sales, where great quanti­ties of goods were sold by inch of Candle, and bought thousand pounds worth at a time; and so considerable was I lookt on, that I was often employed by others to buy for them. I bought several parcels and sorts of Goods, which I fetcht away as I paid for them: at last I bought several parcels of Goods to a great value, and fetcht away most of them, which I sold to profit: but one parcel of 500l. being a failing and decaying Commodity, I lest in their hands so long, that it was much damaged; and unwilling and indeed unable to pay for them, was Arested, and clapt up into a prison; where I was forc'd to lie a great while, till I had spent and consumed most of what I had; and at length they finding there was nothing to be got by me, released me, I releasing my bargain: which I willingly did, but soon after repented it; for the price of that Com­modity [Page 249] rising, it soon amounted to great profit; and whereas I should have lost, I now might have gained as they did by the sale of it, near 200 l.


The Drugster having fail [...]d in London, goes to live in the Country; where by counterfeiting a sickness, and making a Will, he gets into Credit, and bor­rowing Money falls again to Trading.

THis Misfortune of my Imprisonment did sensibly afflict me; especially, when I understood that instead of loss, I might have gained by holding to my bargain; but it now being past, could not be helpt. I was reduced to such necessity, that not only all my Money, but my Plate and best Goods were sold; and not only my Wife, but my Whore parted from their Rings and Jewels to redeem me: for when I was in prison, every body that I owed money to, though ne­ver so little, came upon me; and though I came off with my great Action easily enough, yet many other little ones stuck close to me, which I was forced to dis­charge. I had now time enough to consider my fore­passed Actions, and to examine my self what I had done to deserve this affliction; I bethought me of the trick I first served my Mistresses Sister, in cheating her of her Money and Virginity; but that stuck not much upon me, because I thought her to be just­ly enough fitted for delaying me, distrusting me, and other bad practices I knew her guilty of: but when I considered the wrong I had lately done the two bro­thers, in first rasing a difference, and then continuing [Page 250] it between them, and not only prosecuting the elder brother so highly my self, but putting another of my acquaintance (to whom I knew he was indebted) upon him to sue and arrest him, with all the disgrace I could, by causing it to be done on a Sunday as he went to Church, I my self attending: This consideration pos­sessed me with an opinion that this Judgment was just­ly fallen upon me for this cause, I being rightly enough fitted, being likewise arrested my self on a Sunday, as I was going to Church, but now being discharged of my Imprisonment, I bethought me what course I was to take, and resolved that since I had suffe­red disgrace in the City, it were best for me to re­move into the Country, where I was not known; therefore I soon took a house of considerable value, and putting my self in a very good Habit, and in equi­page every ways suitable, I and my Wife, with most of my family removed from my London to my Coun­try-house; I soon got my self acquainted with the best and wealthiest people of the place, and gave them very handsome Treats and Entertainments at my house, which they answered me with the like civility.

Though I had been a Prisoner, [...]et I had play'd my Cards so well in paying my small debts, and told my tale so advantagiously about my great Action, that I had preserved a sufficient credit with some of my deal­ers; so that making up about fifty pound out of my Wives and Wenches Rings, Jewels, and some Plate, I was entrusted with a 100 l. worth of Commodities, with which I set up another Trade in the Country; this turned to good account: for I seldom ventured on any thing, but it was effectual and to purpose; and if I would wholly have bent my minde to get Money, I might have had a good estate; but I effected plea­sure [Page 251] equal to, and above profit; and though I was thus low in the World, yet I still kept my Wench, whom I had now quartered in the mid-way between my London and Country-house, and therefore could lye with her commodiously enough, and tell my wife if at my Country, that I lay at the London house; and so on the contrary.

As I thus enjoyed my pleasure, so I now began to be more wary, and look after profit, which I did to good purpose; but I now wanted a Father-in-Law who was a moneyed man, or some other friend who would furnish me with money▪ and if I could have produced three or four hundred pounds in ready mo­ney, I questioned not but to make extraordinary ad­vantage: for this end I thought on several ways, and at length did hit upon one that did my business. I tra­velling in the Winter, took an extraordinary cold that forced me to keep my bed for some days, and indeed I did so longer then I needed; for I counterfeiting an extraordinary sickness, and that I was much troubled with the Stone and Collick; and so desperate ill I pre­tended my self to be, that my Wife lamenting, and my Children and Family being in much disorder, I was perswaded to make my Will: to this I consented; and the Scrivener of the Town was sent for; I then told him, that by reason of my Childrens childhood, and my Wives incapacity to mannage affairs, I was in a great strait how to dispose of my Estate, which though it was considerable enough, yet if it were not well managed, would soon come to nothing; I now being in a strange Town, distant from London, where my acquaintance lived, I knew not well what person to intrust as Executor, unless, said I, Mr. B. of this Town would do me the kindness to take that trou­ble [Page 252] on him, which I would willingly requite by a suffi­cient Legacy, and my Wife and Children would be bound to pray for him. Sir, said the Scrivener, I question not but he will do it; and if you please, I will not only ask him, but perswade him thereto. I thank you kindly, said I, and for this offer of your friend­ship, I shall give you a Legacy as a Remembrance of me; and therefore, I pray, take notice of the heads of my Will, and then go with it to Master B. and shew­ing it to him, make this request to him in my behalf: whereupon the Scrivener begun, and I dictated to him, what and to whom I would give; which was 1000 l. to my Wife, 300l. apiece to my Children, and several other Legacies, amounting in all to near 3000 l. and 100 l. I gave to my intended Executor, and 10 l. to the Scrivener.

This affair being thus ordered, the Scrivener de­parted, and went to Master B. my intended Executor who being a well monyed man, and withal very cove­tous, was very glad of the matter, and willingly accep­ted of the offer, and within few hours came to me, and told me he was very sorry for my sickness, and wished my recovery; but if he could do me any service living, or to my Wife and Children, if I should die, which he hoped would not happen, he should be ready and wil­ling both in purse and person to assist me. I then told him what I had done as to my Will, and withal cau­sed my Account-books to be produced, where I shew­ed and demonstrated how my Estate stood, and in whose hands it was (having prepared false Accompts for that purpose:) he seeing the matter so plain, and hoping to get a fleece out of my Estate, caused the Scrivener to proceed and fini [...]h the Will, which I sealed; but during his stay with me at that time, [Page 253] and some other times when he visited me, I so coun­terfeited faintings and pain, that he and all others near me, did fully conclude, I was no man for this World.

After I had managed this affair to the height, I soon recovered, and had now not only gained this old penny-father to be my friend, but by his and the Scrive­ners reports of my Estate, had many others, who more then ordinarily respected me, and made me tenders of their service; all which I thankfully refused at pre­ [...]ent, as not having any need. Soon after this, I heark­ned out a place, for which I was to give 1000 l. and it being a good penny-worth, I engaged in it: I made a shift to raise two hundred pound of my own moneys, and that was all I was then able to do; but pretending I had of my own five hundred pound in money, I soon perswaded my intended Executor to furnish me with five hundred pound more; and so paying seven hun­dred pound to my Chapmen, he took my word for three hundred pound more. This place put me in very great credit; and now as well my London as my Country-acquaintance looked on me with respect, supposing all to be true that had been discoursed of me. I did not long keep this place, but sold it for an 100 l. profit, and so became Master of more ready money, then ever, with which I again came to Lon­don, wholly leaving my Country house, and paying my Country Penney-father part of his moneys; and with that little of my own, and the rest that was left, and what I had gained, I took a house and Shop in the place where I now live, and drive a Trade equal to the best of my Neighbours; onely I have had some deal­ings of late, which have a little puzzled me, as I late­ly told you, when I had my tryal; but he that slan­der'd [Page 254] me paying so dear as 200 l. dam [...]ges, will not on­ly himself beware, but alwaies teach others to hold their peace.


Th [...] Drugster now breaking in carr [...]st, endeavours to cheat his Creditors, and [...] himself and Estate into Holland; but is discover [...], and his Estate seiz­ed, and himself stopt; but b [...] assistance of the Rela­tor, he gets off, and having a good sum of Money, and the Scrivener and his Wench, all get away, and travel to the East-Indies.

THus did the Drugster finish his story. I received satisfaction equal to whatever I had, either in the Scrivener, Bookseller, or any other Relation; for I found that his Actions had been different from theirs; for what they did under the cloak of honesty, he did under that of Religion, which I found was too often the covering of Knavery. This Discourse being en­ded, and our Wine out, we parted; profferring to each other all kind of service: and indeed, it was through his occasion, and to do him service, that I am come to this place, so far from my Country; I shall therefore give you an account of his last Actions in England, which are as remarkable as any I have hi­therto related to you; as also somewhat further of the Scrivener, who is our other Companion; and so finish this large Narrative, which I doubt hath almost wearied you.

I being unwilling to hinder the Traveller in prose­cuting [Page 255] his story, had with much pleasure attended and hearkned to what he had said; and though his dis­course was long, and had taken up much time, yet I found so much pleasing variety, that made me ample satisfaction and amends; and being desirous to know the rest of their Adventures, and what fortune or mis­fortune had brought them hither, I desired him to pro­ceed, which he did in this manner:

I was now acquainted with three persons, (viz. the Scrivener, Bookseller, and Drugster, an account of whose actions I have given you) that gave me full sa­tisfaction, and put me into an absolute opinion, that there was not onely Knavery used in all Trades and Professions, but that most Trades were composed of, and most Estates gotten by over-reaching and Knave­ry: I therefore resolved to look about me, and see what I could do in the World; and having an inti­mate and familiar a [...]quaintance with the Scrivener, I was by him supplyed with what money I desired, lay­ing it out in Cloaths, which I bought at the second hand, and sold again to my profit, and so repaying the Scrivener, who took no other interest then a Pint or a Quart of Wine. I did light upon so many good Bargains, that I had gained a Stock of about fifty pound of my own, and my Master did not contradict or deny me in my dealing, because I assisted him in his profit, by bringing him Customers of our Club and acquaintance; I brought the Scrivener and Drugster to be acquainted together, and they liked one another so well, that they contracted a friendship, which had hitherto lasted; and the Scrivener was likewise assi­stant to the Drugster in procuring him moneys at a pinch, which he honestly repaid him; and the Cap­tain (which I told you the Scrivener first adventured [Page 256] to Sea withal, so much to their own profit, and the loss of the Insurers) was now a Person admitted into our society, and being now got up again in the world, b [...]came Master of a good Ship, and often imployed by the Drugster, and others of his acquaintance, on se­veral short Voyages to Holland, when at his return he was assisted in conveying and securing much prohi­bited and uncustomed Goods by the Drugster, which was to the very great gain of them both; and in gene­ral we all thrived very well, till fortune, who is always changeable, in short time turn'd tail upon the Drug­ster, and had like to have crush'd him to nothing. He b [...]ing at the height of his Trade, and studying now onely how to be an Alderman, did drive a great Trade, bu [...]ing and selling much Comodities, both Drugs and Grocery▪ Ware, and indeed, any other Merchan­dize whatever nothing came amiss to him, till at length he not onely had a great loss at Sea, but buying a great quantity of Pot ashes, intending to make a great pro­fit by keeping them up, he lost a 1000 l. at a clap; for much of that Commodity coming in unexpectedly, he w [...]s forced to sell his at a great loss: these two un­lucky hits, both falling on the neck of one another, shrewdly squeezed him; but he being of a great cou­rage, took little notice of it to the World, but still run on all that he could, adventuring a great part of the remainder of his Estate to Sea, which likewise failing, he was quite undone, but remembring that he had been in as bad condition [...]ormerly, and still made a shift to come off clear, and creep up again, his credit being still high, he bought great quantities of Goods upon credit, to pay at three months; but not know­ing how to bestir himself, being now got very highly in Debt, and knowing very well that he could not [Page 257] make profit enough by those Goods to set himself to rights, he thereupon bethought himself of con [...]eying away what he had, and giving all his Creditors the slip: he had two other inducements that moved him thereto, the one was his Wives death, which was lately happened, and the other was his Wenches con [...]en [...] and earnest desire for him to do so, promising to a [...]ses [...] him in all she could, and also to accompany him to hi [...] Voyage.

This being agreed, the place intended for his Voy­age being Holland, he sold as much Goods in [...] at an under-rate for ready money, as he received [...] for; and the rest of his Goods amounting to [...] worth, was put on board a Ship, which was immediately to set sail for Amsterdam; his Lady being [...] board the Ship, but in a Disguise, Virago-like, [...] in mans apparel: he carried not his design so close­ly, but some of his Creditors got knowledge of it, and understanding the business to be desperate, took out a Statute of Bankrupt, and going on board the Ship seized on all; he being then at London, taking leave of me, the Scrivener, and some other friends. This being done, the news came quickly to his knowledge; for before we parted, two of his Creditors, accompa­nied with Officers, not onely acquainted him with what they had done, but also secured his person. We were all surprized at this action, especially the Drug­ster, who now appeared more dead then alive; and though he was asked many Questions, yet he knew not readily how to answer one; and therefore they soon left us, carrying them away to one of their own houses, where they tyrannically kept him for some days, not permitting any person to come at him; for though I attempted it, 'twas in vain. The Scrivener [Page 258] and I being together, wondred at the action, and could not tell what should be the occasion of this sudden business, for the Drugster had not acquain­ted us with the bottom of his designe, onely telling us, that he was to go a two months Voyage to Hol­land, and so return. I then parted from the Scri­vener, and attempted to see and to speak with my friend the Drugster, but it could not be at present; but by often importuning, and pretending business of con­sequence, in ten days time I was permitted to see and speak with him; when having secured and examined the Chamber where he was, that none might over­hear our Discourse, he soon acquainted me with eve­ry particular of his business and designe; nor did he relate to me that his Wench was on board in mans ap­parel, and how he had given a 100 l. in silver into her Custody. But, said I, where is the other 500 l. for in all I heard you say, you had 600 l. in ready money? That said he, I hope is safe, if my Cloaths are so; and therefore, I pray, said he, assist me a little in this af­fair, and enquire what is become of the Wench and my Clothes, and I doubt not but in few days to put all things right enough again. I not only promised him to do my utmost, but went about it very faithful­ly; and going on board the Ship, found that all was gone; but upon enquiry, heard that the young man that was to accompany the Drugster in the Voyage, was on shore at a house not far off: thither I went, and upon enquiry found out the party: I desired pri­vate speech with him, for she went for a man; this was granted, and I discovering my self so plainly to her, in every particular, she made no great difficulty to be as free with me, and told me all was gone, Cloaths, and every thing else, except her own [Page 259] Box, where she had secured the 100 l. that was given to her; and, continued she, My friend could not have employed any person to me, to whom I would have been so free as I shall to you: for though you do not know me in this Habit, yet I suppose had I my womans dress, you would soon remember me: I then protest­ed to her, that I could not call her Phisnomy to mind. Well, said she, we have been more inward, and ere now lain together; and thereupon told me, that she was one of those three that I lay with one night, and had redeemed from pawn, as I have formerly told you, at my last coming to London. Upon this, though she was in breeches; I made bold to kiss her and em­brace her: Well, said she, proceed no further, there may be time enough for the rest; let us now consult what is necessary for our distressed friend: for, said she, if you and he desire it, I shall be willing to part from all the hundred pound, which I am yet Mistress of. Well, replyed I, you are the most generous and deserving Woman of all your Sex, especially of your Quality, not onely for what you now offer, but what I formerly by experience, and lately by his Relations have understood by you. Truely, replyed she, where I promise fidelity, I perform it; and where I find worth, I will endeavour to deserve and requite it: and though I have lived wantonly, yet since I was enter­tained by this Gentleman as his friend, I have been wholly constant, and will persevere so long as he is able or I can otherwise handsomly contrive a way to sub­sist. In this you are very obliging, said I, but I hope you will not deny any old friend a courtesie. Well, said she, more of that hereafter. From this discourse we fell to the matter in hand, consulting and contri­ving what was necessary to be done for our friends [Page 260] present accommodation: for the present, we agreed a [...] [...]at money should lye in her hands, onely she should remove her quarters to the place appointed.

This being done, I again repaired to him, and ac­quainted him with my proceedings; he was glad I had found her and the hundred pound: but when I told him that the Chest with his Clothes were gone a [...]d secured from him, he was almost out of his wits, c [...]yed out, that now he was miserable, and never till now. Well, said I, come; be contented, there may be a way found to remedy this evil. No, said he, ne­ver till I am again Master of that Chest with my Cloaths. Upon this he was silent, and soon after two of his [...]heif Creditors entred the Chamber, and told him [...]hat if he would be ingenious with them, that they wo [...]ld not only release him, but put Money in his Pocket, [...]hat he might trade again: For, said one of them, we have been at great cost already for the tak­ing out the Commission of Bankrupt, and the Com­missioners Fees [...]or sitting hath already cost two hun­dred pound, and it runs up every day to more and more; So that in fine, it will consume the Estate, un­less you will assist us in making up your accounts; for there are several that we supposed had owed you mo­ney, do put in for to have a share with us; and there­ [...]on, they named two or three parties who had de­ [...]ded monies of them. To this the Drugster re­ [...] that he owed no such sums as were pretended, [...] of them owed him two hundred pound; [...] this and offering to prove it, they desired [...] against the next day to appear before [...]ssioners; and if he did justifie this, they [...] [...]mediately discharge him. This being agreed [...] him, and he was now in somewhat better [Page 261] taking then he had been, and I encouraged him to be [...] up, and hope [...]or the best. Well, said he, if I can but get my Chest of Clothes again I care not; and I pray fail not to be with me to morrow, and get my Mistress to send me ten pound, that I may have occasion to [...]e. We discoursed not much further for the present, but parted; and I returning home to my Masters, asked leave to be absent for that night; to which he consen­ted; and indeed, I had so much liberty, that I might stay out so long as I pleased, my Master using me rather like a Companion then a Servant.

I now went to the Drusters Lady, and my quondam-acquaintance, and informing her of my business, she freely delivered me ten pound: But, said I, this is not all, I must have somewhat else before I go; and there­upon called for Wine, and we drank so briskly, that we were both pretty merry: And it being now late, she asked me where I intended to lodge: I said, with her; That must not be, replyed she: and indeed I had somewhat to do to perswade her to it; but at length I did, and we lay together without any suspition, she going for a man. We often interchanged many amo­rous imbraces, and performed all those dalliances that two longing Lovers could expect, and made many protestations of a farther friendship: I telling her, that I believed her friend the Drugster would not be offended, if he knew of our enjoyments, and would as well impart to me, as he had done his chiefest secrets: Well, said she, if you gain his consent, you command mine, and I therefore leave it to your management; and I suppose if you tell him of our former acquain­tance, the greatest difficulty will be overcome. This I thought would be a ready way, as indeed it was: and since then we have had an equal enjoyment of her; she [Page 262] having lain with one of us every night since, & during our Voyage hither, and is one of those two are in mens apparel, and is called George.

But, said I, to return to my matter in hand, I the next morning parted from her, and with ten pound in my pocket, went to my friend, who was going before the Commissioners, whither I attended him; and there he carried himself with so much free [...]om and ingenui­ty, that he was set at liberty, and promised more fa­vours: he then made it his request, that he might have the Chest with his Cloaths: to this some consen­ted, but others replyed, all must be appraised, and till then nothing could be disposed of, and therefore they demanded the key of him: this he refused; but they told him, that then they would break it open: he see­ing there was no other remedy, promised to bring it the next morning, and then desired they might be ap­praised, and delivered to him: and thus they parted; and after he and I had drunk a Pint of Wine, we also parted.

As I was going home I met with the Scrivener, who being desirous to know how matters went with the Drugster, would enforce a glass of wine on me; when I told him all the matter, and omitting nothing, we judged that his five hundred pound was in that Chest with his Cloaths, and that now he would be stripped of it. But, said the Scrivener, I wish he were Master of that Money, and then I should propound a way to him to leave them, by making him partner in a design which I have lately projected, and is now near execu­tion.

I needed not use many words to perswade him to acquaint me with his design, wherefore after few words, he opened to me the matter thus:

[Page 263]I have, said he, lived in so full an enjoyment of eve­ry thing here, that I am weary of it, being tied to one place; and my spirit being of a soaring rambling tem­per, am desirous of novelty and change; and to that end, I have some time since purposed, and lately con­trived a way to leave England for some other place, and consulting with the Captain whom you know, have resolved for the East-Indies, whither he is now bound: and that I might not go away beggerly, (for I never intend to return, unless very rich) I have con­trived a way how to carry good store of money with me, which I am now plentifully provided with. Yes, said I, I know it is no difficulty for you to procure what money you will, having the keeping of so much Cash. You are mistaken, said he, I intend not to wrong my Master of a penny, but have done it other­wise, the manner thus:

My Master hath lately taken a Journey into the Country, and left the sole management of his affairs to me; and resolving now to make use of my time, I have put my Project in Execution. I have been with one of our Money-Masters, and told him, that such a man, whom he knew to be a good man, that is, a rich man, wanted so much Money: this he readily con­sented, and I had the Money delivered me, only giv­ing him a Bond, whereto I have counterfeited the name of him whom I told him was the Borrower, and my self, with one more was a witness: this have I done with two or three, who was confident would trust me; and with two I have pretended they would bor­row of one another two hundred pound apiece, and given each other a Counterfeit Bond; and I can­not chuse but smile, to think in what a case they will both be when the time of payment comes, and instead [Page 264] of receiving, they will demand two hundred pounds of each other: it may be they will be so frollick as to go to law; if they do, it will make good sport for the Lawyers. By this means, as I tell you, I have raised fifteen hundred pounds, which I have all ready by me in good Jocobusses, and am ready in ten days to march off with my Captain for the East Indies, now if the Drugster had his money in readiness, I should be glad of so good Company. I heard him with much delight, and from that very minute resol­ved to make one of the Company, and then offered him my service, which he kindly accepted of, and promised me that I should share all fortunes with him.

I went back to my Mistress, and provided my self for my Voyage: and the next day the Drugster bring­ing his Keys, the Chest where his Clothes were was opened, and all in it were examined, but no Money found: I remember that every parcel of Cloaths they took, his eye was so fixed, that I thought would ne­ver remove it; but at length all was pass'd over, and the Clothes prized at Twenty pounds: he ear­nestly entreated that he might have them; but they replied, they could not do it without the consent of all, unless they gave so much out of their own poc­kets, and they had already lost too much by him. He finding that there was no way but one, took me with him to a Tavern, and conjured me to do him one kind­ness, which was, by all means to purchase these cloaths at any rate; and giving me the ten pound, I had brought him, and five pound more, he knew not at present what to do for five or ten pound more, which he advised me to give for the Cloaths rather then fail. It was too far to go to his Ladies Quarters, [Page 265] wherefore I out of my own stock supplied that want; and then going to the Creditors, with much ado, per­swaded one o [...] them, who had the Keys, to sell me the Cloaths: he would not consent to this, unless I would give him thirty pound, which was ten pound more then they were appraised at: though the demand was unreasonable, yet I was forced to consent, and putting ten pound into his own pockets, willingly delivered the Cloaths to me, charging me not to discover what I gave. I did not much heed what he said, but gladly received the Chest and Key, and carried it to the Drugster, who with much impatience expected me, it being carried up into a private Chamber; and the door fast locked, he unlocked [...]he Chest, and took out the Cloaths, and drawing his Knife, unript the Collar of a Doublet, where were several pieces of Gold: Nay then, said he, we are still safe, and I defie Fortune and all her malice: in less then half an hour, with my assi­stance, we found out 500 l. in Gold, which was sewed up in several places about the Cloaths. This being done, I soon acquainted him with the Scriveners Pro­ject, and my resolution, to this he likewise consented, only, said he, I must not leave my honest Girl behind me. For that, said I, I question not but I shall have some influence to perswade her; and thereupon I ac­quainted him with my former knowledge of her: Well, said he, since it is so, we will continue her a friend to us both, and not entertain any jealousie. In fine, we agreed not only in that particular, but in e­very thing else; and the Scrivener being acquainted with all our designs, we so ordered the matter, that I, the Drugster, and our Mistress, and the Scrivener, and a Wench of his, whom he had likewise put into mans Apparrel, did all come on board with all our Treasure [Page 266] into our Captains Ship which was in the Downs, and bound for this place; and so having good Winds, good Company, and every thing to our content, are all safely arrived in this place.


He being now by the Relator brought acquainted with the Scrivener, Drugster, and the rest of his Com­panions; they enter into discourse about the s [...]ve­ral Factious Religions practised in England.

THus did our Relator finish his long story, which was so filled with profit, as well as pleasure, that I accounted the time I had spent in hearing him the best bestowed of any: for I gathered so much va­riety of experien [...]es, that if I had any mind to prose­cute my former course of life in cheating and Roguing, I might now soon profess my self to be my Arts Ma­ster, if I did but bravely follow those Examples he had related to me: but if they were any wise impro­ved, as I had a Genius fit enough to be highly active, I might then out do all Example.

These were my first thoughts, but I had not much time to spend in contemplation: but he having put an end of his discourse, I kindly thanked him for his great freedom used in his relation; and told him, that since he had been so generous to me in unbosom­ing himself, I in requital did promise him a lasting friendship, and at our first leisure recounted some of my life to him, which I had hitherto concealed, that should give him satisfaction that I intended to use an absolute freedom with him.

[Page 267]Thus did we contract a friendship, and it was now time to eat somewhat, the best part of the day having been spent in his long narrative: such as the house af­forded we had, and after a repast, we concluded both to go on board of their Ship to find out his Compani­ons; he resolving to acquaint them with what had passed between us, and to let them know my quality, believing they would be well enough satisfied with what he had done, because they might have great oc­casion to make use of me.

In this resolution we were preparing to go to the Ship, when the Scrivener and Drugster entred the house, enquiring for their Companion, who present­ing himself to them, they desired him to walk out, that they might confer together: No, said he, let us take a Room here and discourse, which we may do with as much freedom as any where else: he urging it, they consented, and having a private Room and necessaries, after a cup or too of Wine, I left their com­pany, on purpose to give my friend the Taylor (who was called Gregory) the opportunity of acquainting them with what had passed between us, which I sup­pose he did in very few words; for within half an hour I was called for, and being kindly saluted by the two Gentlemen, was desired to sit down and make one of their Company. After a Cup or two of Wine more had passed, my friend Gregory Taylor thus spake to me: Friend, I have acquainted these my two Friends and Companions with our late discourse, and by that they know that all their affairs are known to you also; I have told them what I know of you, and we are all sen [...]ible that your acquaintance may be very useful and necessary in all things, but much more your friend­ship; Wherefore, as you say, I by my freedom with [Page 269] you have merited your acquaintance and friendship; so I desire the same room in your b [...] f [...]r my friends, who by me desire it, and in requit you shall com­mand ours; and whatever we have, you shall be e­qually Master of with our se [...]ves.

I made no long pause in replying to them, that they might command my love and friendship▪ and in that my all, to render them the utmost testimonies [...]hat I could. And thus did we all agree to have a friendly correspondency, and to conceal nothing of our affairs one from another. We then dran [...] off some more Wine, and though their two Ladies [...]nd the Captain were absent, yet we remembred them in our Cups, and resolved the next day to dine all on board the ship: and at my importunity I so far prevailed, as that the Women might appear there in their own Female-Ha­bits; for it had now been a long time since I saw any European beauties.

We after this, discoursed of many affairs of general consequence, as the manner of the Countries, and Go­vernments both Eccle [...]ia [...]tical and Civil, in which we spent some time: but in regard all that can be said of that matter, is already related in the second Chapter of this second part, I shall therefore here forbear it: but it wrought much upon the spirit of the Drugster; who having formerly been a great stickler in Religion, was amazed that there was so good a correspondence in Religion, which was as he imagined so barbarous: Well, said he, I find that most places enjoy a greater happiness in their conformities in Religion, then our Native Country of England; for there instead of U­nity and loving Conformity, they are rent and torn in pieces into many Factions; and that hath been the principal occasion of the effusion of so much blood as [Page 268] hath been spilt of late years. and when I left England, there was a discontented party that was ready on all occasions to attempt a publique mischeif for their pri­vate interest, and only to maintain a private self-will'd fancy, which they term'd Religion.

I my self [...]or a long time bewitcht with a Fanatick Zeal; and my Master being a man of the same Hu­mour, had instill'd such Principles into me, that I had much ado to have any charity for any person that was in the right: but in time I finding a great deal of strict­ness in the precise practice, and that under pretence of much Zeal, there was more Covetousness then in any other perswasion; I quitted that perswasion for another, and shifted so long, that I found my life but one continued Comedy of errors. In the end I went over to the Episcopal party; and one of the most pow­erful reasons that I had to follow the Independant per­swasion, was a Woman, my Mistresses Sister, as I sup­pose you have already heard. Yes, said I, this our friend hath given me satisfaction in that particular, and I very well approve of the revenge you had upon her: and as for my own part, I was once a very great Lover of the Ramble my self, but left it, out of a more generous consideration: for being in company with an Orthodox Parson, he told me that I was much mi­staken in my opinions; he gave me such a Character of a Libertine Zealot, as I knew to be true, and wholly put me out of conceit with the Faction: they were now all desirous to hear what was said to that particu­lar; and therefore I told them I would recollect my self, and give them the best account that I could, and such a one as I believed they would conclude with me, was not only ingenious, but true: and thereupon I be­gan in this manner.

The Character of a Libertine Zealot.

TO describe him right, is a task like that of the Tay­lor who took measure of the Devil; for there is nothing more like him upon Earth then he: He is li­ned with Covetousness, and covered with Hypocrisie, the Root and Cloak of all evil. Although at this time he carries a Bible, yet upon occasion he wears a Sword; so that it is hard to say, whether he be of the Tribe of Simeon or Levi. He swallows contrary Oaths faster then the Eagles in the Tower do gobbets of flesh; for the way to Hell, and the Conscience of a Libertine, are two broad things. He condemns the lawful Rites and Ceremonies of the Church; and is more ravished with the squeaking of a Tythe-pig, then with the Mu­sick of Organs.

He appears at his Preachment (like Aesops Crow) in a dress of borrowed feathers; for he preaches the works of other men, which are so much the worse for the coming out of his mouth, as Wares for being of the second hand. But it would grieve your heart to see how he racks the ancient Fathers, when he makes his own confession, and mangles the Modern Divines more barbarously then the Hang-man did the body of Hugh Peters: I am sure poor Priscian gets many a broken head.

His Eloquence consists altogether in rayling, as though he had got his education at Billinsgate. In his discourse he runs on like a Mad-dog, foaming and open mouth'd, yelping at the Reverend Bishops; and even accounts many of his own Brethren, the Sectaries, [Page 271] as mad as himself. Yet sometimes he perceives that his stuff is too short for the hour-Glass; and then the wheels of his Rhetorick moove very heavily: he then spends much time in humming and spitting; and with the wiping of his Nose, makes many a filty Parenthesis.

As for his Text, he handles that as Moses did his Rod, when it was turned into a Serpent, he lays it down, and runs away from it: yet his Sermon lies all written before him, for the poor Copy holder in Di­vinity can do nothing without his Notes. Thi [...] his weakness he would have you think is his worth, for he chargeth men of abler parts with presumption: Yet when he prays, he shuts his Eyes, pr [...]f [...]ring Nonsense and Tautologies before the Divine Lytur­gy. Vain Wretch, that dares not speak to men without Papers, and yet presumes to talk to God extempo e [...] As for his Cong [...]egation, he Saints or reprobate th [...], according to what they give him; and like a Gypsie, tells good Fortune to none but those that cr [...]ss his hand with a piece of silver; and by him, as well as by the Pope, you may be Canonized for mony: Thu [...] he is a meer Balaam ▪ that blesseth and cu [...]seth [...]or rew [...]d: he that opposeth him, acts the part of an Angel; but he that submits to him is worse then an Ass If you consider his constancy, he is a kind of Religious Proteus, that is now ready to fawn upon that Power against which he hath so long bark'd. If therefore th [...]re be a Church in England which consists of men, surely, The Orthodox, faithful, constant Ministers, are the Doors, Windows, Pillars, Bells, and Candlesticks; and the rest serve only for Weathercocks.

It is confessed, that at the begining of the happy Reformation, he was a little stubborn; perhaps, ex­pecting a second War; but now (poor heart) he hath [Page 272] learned to pray for his Majesty: but (if you could hear the language of his Soul) it is so, as impatient heirs pray for their rich fathers. There are two sorts of men, who having escaped a deserved pair of Gal­lows, prey for the King very strangly, that is, a Fe­lon, whilst the Executioner burns his hand; and a Traytor, whilst the Devil sears his Conscience.

If you would know his name, you may find it sub­scrib'd to an ugly Petition▪ for where Bradshaw was a Pilate that condemned, he was one of those Jews that cry'd Crucifie. He professes sorrow for the Martry­dom of our late Soveraign; but believe him not, for his hand helped to hale him to the Block. In a word, he is (at best) but a State Crocodile, and one that is Maudlin-drunk with the Kings blood.

No more, but if you chance to meet with a Hue and Cry, you may tell them that he was lately in a Sequestred Parsonage.

This Character was hugely pleasing to the Drug­ster, and indeed, he and his two Companions, the Scrivener and Gregory the Taylor, did all conclude that it was very ingeniously true, and gave much sa­tisfaction to them in that particular; and they all a­greed, That the Dissenters from the Church, were the Murtherers of their Prince.

They all so well approving of what had been said of these Varlets, I told them that I could likewise relate somewhat else of the same Gentlemans composure, who writ the Character; and which I did conclude to be altogether as ingenious, and that it was a great novelty, having never as yet been in Print: they be­ing earnest in their desires to hear me, I told them it was only the fifth Fable of Aesop Moralized; and there­upon I began as follows:

[Page 273]
The Brutes would once go hunt: a nimble Crew
Of those that dwell in Dens and Caves pursue
And take a goodly Stag, who in his fall
Proclaims sufficient booties unto all.
Each Beast being troubled with their hungry maws,
Were urging Clyents to their panting Iaws:
Divide, says one; another cries, cast lots;
With that, the Lyon Roars, Away ye Sots;
Who's that who says divide? pray be content,
The first part's mine, because most excellent;
And but one part! nay, then you do me wrong,
A second part is mine, because most strong;
And if you dare give credit to my word,
Our pain and sweat have meritted a third.
Now there remains a fourth, which is but small,
And scarce worth speaking of amongst you all;
Which you may give me willingly; and thus,
Renew the friendship betwixt you and us.
Be wise therefore; is it more safe to move
A Lyons anger, or confirm his Love?
For if you shew the least unwillingness,
I'll make you know the Senior of your Mess.
This said, the Hunters were amaz'd thereat;
They knew their distance, and they durst not prate,
But hung their tail betwixt their Leggs for shame,
And went away more hungry then they came.

This, said I, was the Fable, which though it had already admitted of many Paraphrases and Morals, yet was never yet in my opinion so fit and aptly mor­alized, as in what I shall here recite, which I did thus:

But take away the brutes and clear the Stage;
Enter those mighty Nimrods of the Age:
[Page 274]That cursed Crew that hunted for a Throne,
And made a Babel in Religion.
Lo here they come, that England did express
To be more bruitish than a Wilderness:
A wide-mouth'd yelping-cur, with a long ear,
Of a Scotch brood, they call'd him —:
Cerberus was his Syre, and for his dam,
A Beast to whom Adam never gave Name.
The solemn Covenant which he did take,
Hun [...] like a pair of Couples on his Neck,
The which he soon shook of; nay more, the Dog
Threw by his Conscience, 'twas a tedious Clog.
And then began the game: Actaeons hounds
Ne're gave their Master half so many wounds,
As these their King: it was a Hellish brood
That took the sent of none but Royal blood.
Loud was their cry, and nimble was their Race,
A sadder hunting far then Chevy Chase.
But at the length, the Royal Hart they take,
Nor would they spare his life for Caesars sake;
But he must die, yet Noble—scorns
His share,— onely got the Horns.
But like the Lyon, Cromwel, that great man,
Made of Behemoth and Leviathan,
Thus speaks; And do you think, my friends, to share
That Prize in Peace, which I obtain'd in War?
Divide the spoil, and then as General, I
Claim the first part due for my Excellency.
A second part our able strength demands;
A third is mine, 'cause these victorious hands
In all those Fights wherein we had to do,
Were the most painful and most prosperous too.
Thus our activity, and strength, and worth,
Have wone three parts, there only rests a fourth;
[Page 275]Which we'll with Love accept, but if deny'd,
Our Sword shall teach you better to divide.
Thus, as our Saviours Vesture, which might not
Be cut in pieces, was obtain'd by lot:
So our great Charles his power, which could not be
Dissolv'd into an Aristocracie,
Was Tyrant Cromwels share; and now our whips
Were turn'd to Scorpions: Now the grand Eclipse
Began; we saw no Sun for twice seven years,
Onely two fatal Stars by turns appears:
Protectorship, and Rumpish did prevail;
Nol was the Dragons-head, and they the Tail.
But welcome Charles the Second, happy are we,
That Britain's Monarchy's restor'd in thee;
If Cromwels life had put a period to't,
I'd both begun and ended in a Brute.

If they were pleas'd with the foregoing Chara­cters, this Fable thus moralized, gave them much more satisfaction, and highly contented them; for the truth contained in it, was undeniable, and it was expressed with much ingenuity, and they told m [...], that certainly he that composed these two things, the Cha­racter and Fable, was a person very ingenious▪ and able to convert any that were seduced in that Faction, unless they were very obstinate, as most of that Fa­ction were: for having been Rebellious to their Prince, they made that saying true, That Rebellion is as the sin of Witchcraft, not to be repented of.

In this discourse of the several Factions in Religion we spent some time; and the Drugster being best ac­quainted with all of them, made a discourse of every one in particular from top to bottom: and when he came to speak of them, he told us, that he supposed [Page 276] there would now in a short time be some end of these growing Factions; because, said he, that Quakerism is the last that is risen up, and it is now above twelve years since it began to be famous; and though hitherto it encreases, yet they have not found any other novelty from that, as at first there was out of the first Religi­ous faction: but there is not one that is produced by the Quaker; so that it is hoped that will be the last of the Factions. I have heard of one small Faction that contradicts the Quakers, and that is one Muggle­tons Sect, who together with one Reeve, does pretend to be the two last Witnesses that are to come upon earth. Reeve is some time since dead, but Muggleton surviving him, is a great enemy to the Quakers, and their chief Opponent: for they questioning his Call, he for that cause Damns them; and so absolute he is, that he says, after he hath Damn'd them, they cannot be saved, not by Providence it self. He professes in one of his writings, being an Interpretation of the 11 Chapter of the Revelations, That he, and he alone can give a true Interpretation of the Scripture, and un­fold the whole Counsel of God, concerning himself, the Devil, and all Mankind from the foundation of the world to all Eternity; and this was never revealed by any of the Sons of Men, untill now: Thus subscribing his Papers, By Lodowick Muggleton, one of the two last Commissionated Witnesses and Prophets of the only High, Immortal, Glorious God, Christ Iesus.

We told the Drugster that this Sect of Mugletons we had not heard of; and I being very desirous to be further acquainted with this opinion, asked him if he had read his Writings, Yes, said he, and there is as extraordinary matters and opinions handled and trea­ted of therein, as any Sect that this last age hath pro­duced: [Page 277] nay, and more absolute he would make him­self then all others; but he more especially writes against the Quakers, in a manner condemning them all in general. I desiring to be more particularly in­formed of his writings, he granted my request, and proceeded as followeth:

This Book of his writing, said he, falling into the hands of one Edward Bourn a Quaker, is by him despi­sed and cavilled at; for, he said that he had perused it till he was weary with looking into it, for it was one of the dirtiest and confusedest pieces of work that ever he saw: and many other particular cavils had he against it; which Muggleton hearing of, is so much offended, that he writes a Letter to him, dated in August 1662. and there he concludes:

I write these Lines unto you Edward Bourn, knowing you to be of the seed of the Serpent, and appointed to eternal Damnation before you were born; though you know it not, I do know it, by your speaking evil of that Doctrine which is declared by us the Witnesses of the Spirit, by calling it deceit, confusion and lies, with many more wicked speeches against the purest truth that ever was declared by Prophet or Apostle, be­cause this is the Commission of the Spirit, and the last Witness of God on Earth.

Therefore for these your hard sayings against the Doctrine of this Commission of the Spirit; In obedi­ence unto my Commission, I pronounce you cursed and damned, both Soul and Body, from the presence of God, elect men and Angels, to Eternity: neither shall that light within you, nor any God deliver you from this curse, but according to my word it shall be upon you, because you shall know, that God hath gi­ven power unto Man to curse you to eternity, and [Page 278] there is a Prophet of the Lord now in England.

This Letter being thus subscribed, was Printed and sent to the said Edward Bourn. Also another to one Samuel Hooker and W. S. both Quakers, wherein a­mongst other things, he thus writes:

First I decla [...]e as I am a Prophet and Messenger of the true God, that the people called Quakers, are not the ch [...]ldren of the most high God, but for the g [...]nerality o [...] them, th [...]y are children of the Devil, and are the very Seed of the Devil, and were begot­ten by him; and I (as I am an Ambassador ordained o [...] God by voi [...]e of Words) can as truly say, that they a [...]e the Seed of the Serpent, and so the children of the Devil, as Ch [...]ist did to the Iews, when he said, that they were Serpents, yea Devils, and the Devil wa [...] their Father. So can I say by you Quakers, a [...]d ma [...]y thousands more as well as you, that you w [...]e the children of the D [...]vil, that were begotten by him, and not begotten by Adam, who never came [...]h [...]ou [...]h the loyns of Adam, though they came through the Womb of Eve. For this I know, Cain was the first born of the Devil, and Adam had no part in the begetting of him. And from this Cain cam [...] the Jews that Christ called Serpents and Devils.

Much more he writ [...]s against the Quakers, and is as absol [...]te i [...] his sentence of Damnation against these t [...]o being almost in the same words as the former. H [...]s w [...]itings in general are filled with many strange Op [...]ni [...]n [...] a [...]d h [...]i now the greatest Enemy of the Q [...]a [...]rs, t [...]ll [...]ng th [...]m that they are but some of the m [...]l [...]ncho [...]ly o [...]t o [...] Ra [...]t [...]rs, and by [...]alling from Ran­ti [...]g t [...] Quaking▪ ar [...] [...]ow worse than before; for be­ [...]re [...]hey were in [...]he Wild [...]es [...] ▪ bu [...] are now retur­n [...]d ba [...]k into Egypt, and so the [...]u [...]ther off from en­tring [Page 279] into the Land of Canaan: and in one place he is pretty pleasant with the Quakers, for saith he, The greatest things that ever I heard the Quakers do, is to find fault with a piece of Ribbon, Gold-button, or a Bandstring, and such like, and to possess themselves with a melancholly spirit of Witchcraft, and so [...]all into Witchcraft-fits, to lie humming and groaning, which doth fright the beholders; so instead of those merry Devils which they had upon the Ranting score, where all was good, lying with their Neighbours wife, deflowring Virgins, coz [...]ning and cheating, and destroying every one in their outward Estate which did ente [...]tain them, and now that Devil is cast out, now they are grown in as much extream on the other side; for now they are grown so precise and exact for Apparel and for words, no words must be placed out of joynt, so that no man can almost tell how to deal with them; and this melancholly Devil hath cast out the Ranting Devil, which makes them so proud and stiff necked, thinking themselves that they are better than other people, when they are worse; for they are possessed with the Spirit of Witchcraft, which makes them two-sold more the children of the Devil then they were before; which none can disco­ver but this Commission of the Spirit; neither did I ever hear by any which heard the Quakers speak, that they did ever Preach any sound Doctrine, but only exhort people to hearken to the light within them▪ which is a very low and easie thing for every ordinary understanding to comprehend; and this is the cause there is such a multitude of men and women fall into it, &c. And thus did he proceed, his whole writing being to pull them down, and set himself up.

Soon after the Printing of these Letters, I met with [Page 280] a Quaker, an acquaintance of mine, and asked of him whether he had seen these Letters of Muggletons, which went by the Name of The Neck of the Quakers broken, or cut in sunder by the two-edged sword of the Spirit, which is put into my mouth. He replyed, Yea, he had. What thinke [...]t thou, said I, of those of your perswasion in general, and more particularly of those persons whom he hath damn'd? I think him to be a deluded person, said he, for I have known him long, and also his fellow Prophet Reeve, who is since dead: and I remember this one passage, that one of our per­swasion did calmly discourse with Reeve about many principal things of his Judgment and Opinion: and though they did not agree to every thing, yet Reeve said he, believed he would be converted, for that he was confident he was of the seed of Faith, and not of that of the Devil; only that his eyes were not yet opened, but in time they would. And thus they parted.

Soon after Muggleton (who was always more vigi­lant than Reeve) being affronted by some Quakers, according to his custome, pronounced the sentance of damnation against them; which the Quaker, who had discoursed with Reeve hearing, and meeting with Muggleton, told him he had done very ill in being so rash as to damn them: And further, charged him with wandring up and down to make Sects. To this Muggleton replyed, It is not I, it is those of the Quakers that wander up and down; as those that went to New England, and Iohn Perrot unto Rome, to get the Pope and his Bishops to be Disciples of Christ; and there to be puni [...]hed in his Body: and when he came home again, to be damn'd to Eternity by me for his pains; because he went by the light [Page 281] within him, and was not sent by the voice of God without him: Therefore eternal damnation will be his reward for going without a Commission from God; and so will all the Ministers of the Quakers. And whereas you say that my mouth is full of cursing, and that I shall reap of the same: Likewise you say, that I am out of Christs and the Apostles Doctrine, that said, Bless, and Curse not; with many other sayings: As for my Mouth being full of Cursing, that is my Commission; neither do I curse any but Devils, which are appointed for it of God; and there is ne­ver a one that I have cursed, that shall escape that Curse which I have denounced upon them; neither will any God deliver them from it: for I do curse none but the Seed of the Serpent, who had his Curse de­nounced upon him and his Seed, at the beginning by God himself.

To this discour [...]e of Muggletons, our Brother the Quaker making some angry reply, in contradicting what he had said, Muggleton did for that cause pre­sently pronounce the sentence of Damnation, alledg­ing that he was of the Seed of the Devil. Thus, said the Quaker, though Reeve said he was not of the Seed of the Devil; yet Muggleton his fellow Prophet said he was, and therefore proceeded against him to damnation. Now, whether he be damned or saved, judge you: And therefore, said he, I think it mat­ters not much what he says, because they thus con­tradict one another.

And thus we parted, and I concluded, that as it was no great matter what Muggleton said or did; so there was no great heed to be taken with what was, or should be said or done by the Quakers: I believing and knowing that what Muggleton had said of them as [Page 282] to their humours, and falling from Ranting to Quak­ing, and such like particulars, to be true; though I believed him, and all other Factions to be alike de­luded and mistaken in the general.

And, continued he, though this Muggletons opi­nions and Doctrine be thus strange, and he a very in­considerable unlearned fellow, being by Profession a Taylor, yet he hath gained many to his belief, who give him much respect; but he takes no money of them, only he gets hi [...] writings Printed, and distri­buting them among his people, they pay him for them; but in the main, he works at his Trade for a lively-hood: and he hath, as well as the Quakers, su [...]fered Imprisonment, but hath been released and savoured, as I have heard by some persons of Honour, who are well willers to him.

Thus did the Drugster discourse of the Factions, and we with him did hope and conclude, that since there was no greater a growth in Faction, there hav­ing been no new ones for some years last past, that it was more than probable that they would consume and moulder away of themselves.

The forenoon being spent wholly in the large Nar­rative of the Adventures of my now fellow Compa­nions and Guests, and the most of the Afternoon in this Discourse, it was time now to think of parting; and they being mindful of the Entertainment they were to give me the next day on board of their Ship, being out of my house, furnished with some neces­sary provisions, all parted from me.


He is treated by the Travellers on board of their Ship, where he sees the two women Travellers: he invites and entertains them at his house; where upon en­quiry and discourse, he discovers the two Women to be of his acquaintance when in England.

MY Company being thus parted from me, I be­gan to consider all the passages that had been this day related to me; and after a serious contempla­tion of them, I concluded, that I might place this day as the most remarkable in all my life; for I was acquainted with so much variety of experiences, as I had in a manner been hitherto wholy ignorant of▪ what had happened to me in the former part of my life, ha­ving been trivial in comparison of what I had now late­ly heard: and I concluded, that if I should have tra­velled to all parts of the world to have found out Com­panions fit for me; I could not have been better ac­commodated with those that should have been so a­greeable to my natural inclination, then those whom fortune had now brought to me. I had made it my resolve, to make my li [...]e as comfortable as I could, ac­cording to the old saying amongst those of my quality Though a short life, yet a merry: and I saw Providence had put such an opportunity into my hands, that I had all things provided for me, and nothing before their arrival was wanting but such a Society. For I had a plentiful estate, but that gave me little content, being without the usual Society of the Wits; and I [Page 284] now was likely not only to enjoy that in a full mea­sure, but also there was some female Company, the two Lasses in mens apparel, who I understood were good Girl, and such I hoped as would not prove hard-hearted, and deny one of their Country-men the u­sual civility of their enjoyments: I did not much question it, because indeed I was so much in favour with Venus, that I was hardly ever refused that cour­tesie by any of her Votaresses.

I told my wife, there was a great likelihood of much profit to be gained by these Guests, who were resolved to take up my house wholly for their quar­ters, and therefore I ordered all things to be provi­ded in ample manner for their constant entertain­ment: for though I was now rich enough, yet I knew not how soon fortune might turn tail upon me, and therefore knowing that my Guests were all well pro­vided with Moneys, I was resolved to put in with them for a share of it: But I had no thoughts of wronging them, or putting any trick upon them; for it is accounted a very great crime in the greatest pro­ficient of Roguery, to cozen or cheat his fellow Thief, and a thing seldome done amongst them. I had now some thoughts of leaveing my black wife and that Country; and when these my new acquaintance should leave this place for another, as I suppose they would, then to go with them, for there was nothing there that gave any great invitation to stay in it, my in­clination leading me rather to visit some European Country.

These considerations took me up some time; and night coming on, I betook me to my Cot, where I took my ordinary repose; and the next morning be­ing come, I apparelled my self the richest that I could▪ [Page 285] that I might add some grace to my person, being to vi­ [...]it two of my Country-women, in whose favour I was desirous to get some place. Being thus accoutred, I went to the Sea-side, and with the help of a Boat was soon aboard a Ship: where I was welcomed by the Captain and the rest of the Company, and by them conducted into a great Cabin, where was no other Company but the two Women; who now being ap­parelled in their Womans habit Ala mode d' Anglois, I was very well pleased, not having for a long time seen any thing so acceptable and pleasant: I had not forgotten our English Fashion of saluting them, neither were they backward in rising and meeting me in order thereto: that done, I placed myself between them; I soon began a discourse to them, which I knew would not at all be displeasing, and that was commending their Beauties, telling them, that if the present Empe­rour of the Country, the Great Mogul, did but under­stand what a treasure he had in his Country by their arrival, that he would quickly secure it to himself, and hinder the prosecution of their Voyage any further. To this they reply'd, that they did not believe he would see any thing in them that should merit such an esteem: but, added one of them, If he should do so, and be ne­ver so desirous of my Company, yet I am better satis­fied (in the Society that I am at present in possession of) then if I were courted and served by the greatest Prince upon Earth.

To this so generous speech, I reply'd, that those persons who had the honour to be her servants were in that very happy. These Complements being pass'd drink was brought, and after that Victuals, which we had in great plenty, there being no want of any thing that could he had at the best mans table in Eng­land; [Page 286] and all the dishes of Meat were dress'd in the English fashion, by a Cook of that Country. After Dinner we fell again to discourse, the Women being very desi [...]ous o [...] Novelties, and to be acquainted with the customs of the Country, especially of those used by Women; but when I told them of th [...]t Custom of the better sort of Country-women, how they usually accompanied their Husbands in death, by burning their living with their Husbands dead bodies, they were not very well pleased therewith, accounting it great folly; for, said they, it cannot possibly do their Husbands any good, and why they should so destroy themselves out of a complement, was foolish. To pass through, and accompany a Husband or friend whilst living in all dangers, is what is befitting; but there being no remedy for death, nor no present en­joyment after death, thus to cast away themselves, is ridiculous. We allowed of their Opinions, as ground­ed upon reason: I asked them how they liked our Men, the Inhabitants; Not at all, said one of them as a Husband or Bed-fellow, but if there were no o­ther men to be had, we must be contented with them rather then none, as well as you are with the Native-women. Various were our Discourses in which we entertained one another with much pleasure, having a lusty bowl of Punch still standing by us, whi [...]h as we drank off, we renewed, and at some of our frolicks, one of the great Guns were discharged. I had ey'd both these women very curiously, and did imagine, that I had formerly seen them, and had some acquain­tance with them. I knew one of them more particu­larly by the tone of her Voice, but it having been so long a time since I had seen either, I could not call them to mind; I did not at all think it covenient to [Page 287] ask them any particular questions, referring that to a greater privacy. I being now acquainted with most of their transactions, they asked my advice in dispo­sing their moneys, and selling their Commodities, and what to buy to turn to the be [...]t advantage: To all these Questions I gave them the best answers I could, to their satisfaction; and now night coming on, I de­sired to leave them, and invited them all to my house the next day, they not only concluded on that, but agreed that the Women should constantly take my house for their quarters, it being more convenient then on board of the Ship, they coming in their mens ap­parel, and I providing for them with all privacy; to this I agreed, and after a fresh Cup of Wine, and my ordinary salutes to the women, I left them and went home to my wife, who at my desire provided all things necessary, not only for the next days entertainment, but for the future conveniency of my lodgers who were not to be known to her for other then men.

The next day they came, and we were again all merry but some occasions calling away the men, the women were left alone with me. I was now resolv'd to en­quire whether they had never known me: they both replied, Not that they at present knew of; but they both said, that certainly they had seen me in England, but at present they could not remember where, where­fore they prayed me to give them some account of my condition and quality when I lived in England: To this I reply'd, that I had indeed been of all conditions, and a very rambler, and it was a great chance, but if they had been in any publique house of Entertainment, that I might have seen them there, to this they both answered, that they had for some time been publique enough in entertaining Gentlemen in their Company [Page 288] with much freedom: But, said one of them, who was the Scriveners Mistress, I have certainly seen and known you before I undertook any such courses, for if I be n [...]t mistaken, you are the man did first deceive me, and therefore, I pray, tell me, if in your travels in Englan [...], you did not light into a Farmers house, and d [...]d some kindnesses o [...] discourtesies to his Daugh­ter, and then le [...]t her. I hearing her say this, after some small pause, recollected my self, and seriously viewing her, concluded he [...] to be the very Farmers Daughter whose Maidenhead I bereaved her of, and in requital left her, and gave her no other satisfaction then a paper o [...] Verses. I being now resolv'd in my opi­nion, ran to her and embracing her, beg'd pardon for that affront, telling her, that it was onely one of those ma [...]y youthful tricks whereof I had been guilty. She at fi [...]st out of sence of the affront I had done her, could not forbear weeping; but I gave her so many good words, that in fine, she was well enough satisfied, and lovingly permitted me to embrace and kiss her.

The other woman hearing that my acquaintance with her Companion began with the loss of her Vir­ginity, mus [...]d and blushed, and very strictly behold­ing me, said, And truly, if I be not mistaken, I pur­chas [...]d my acquaintance with you with the same loss: but I was deceived by you in a more subtil manner then this my Companion; for she knowing you to be a man, permitted you to her bed (as she hath related to me.) But if you are the person that I mean (as I now think you are) you became my bedfellow by a mistake; for not only I, but many others of the Family believed you to be a Woman. I hearing her say this, fixed my eys upon her, but could not perfectly remember her: but to the discourse she made, I gave this answer; [Page 289] Truly Madam, I have been o [...]ten guilty of Female frauds; and during the whole course of my life, I en­deavoured chiefly to have the Company o [...] F [...]males; and I hope if you were one of those with [...]hom I [...]ay at a Boarding-School, where I went for a S [...]rvant-Maid, that you will forgive me that fact; for i [...] it were not there, I then cannot tell where I should have so much happiness as to enjoy you. There it was, re­plyed she, where I lost my Virginity and honour, and which I have so often repented of; for I was then well beloved of an indulgent Father, who for that fact cast me off; and ever since I was forced to wander like a Vagabond, and by infamous courses to gain a lively­hood, and with this she wept.

I was much amaz'd at these two adventures, and indeed pittied them both; but more especially the last, whom I had so long since deceaved; and seeing her tears, I kneel'd down to her, begg [...]ng her [...]ardon, and telling her that what was p [...]ss'd was not to be prevented or help [...]d; but if she plea [...]d I would for the future be he [...] humble servant in [...]ss [...]ting her in what I might. To this she told me, that she knew there was no remedy for what was passed, but that the remem­brance of that first misfortune could not but sensibly afflict her, but she should throw off that sorrow, and make the best of a bad matter; and thank providence, that since it was no better, that it was no worse: and as she had hitherto been well contented with her con­dition, so she intended to frame her spirit and mind to be so for the future; and that now she had the sa­tisfaction she had often desired, in seeing that person who first tasted and crop'd her Virgin Flower. Her Companion did likewise say, that it was the greatest satisfaction she had ever received since the loss of my [Page 290] company, that she had again found me; for (not­withstanding my base and abrupt leaving her) she had still preserved a more cordial love for me, then for any person she had ever since then enjoyed. The other said the same, and though I was partly unknown to her when I lay with her, as being disguised in womans apparel, yet she still had me in her memory, and often wished for the sight of me: And from this discourse we all concluded, that though a Woman had many Husbands or Servants, yet she seldom loved any man with so much affection as him with whom she first tryed and tasted the effects of love, and who had her Virginity.

Well Ladies, (said I) I am so much bound to you for preserving an affection for me, who have so un­worthily deserved it, That I shall dedicate the re­maining part of my life wholly to obey and serve you. As for that profession of your love now, said the Drug­sters Mistress, (who was the youngest, and her, who I had enjoy'd at the Boarding-school) it matters not much, for we have had experience enough in the World to shift for our selves; and neither are we unprovided of those who will take care for us, and save you that trouble. No trouble at all, replyed I, but an honour, which I pray you to bestow on me to serve you in any degree.

They were very much surpriz'd, and so was I at this adventure: And I thought it was best to talk no more of it at present, wherefore I call'd for some Wine, and such Banqueting cheer as I had, and desi­red them to participate of it, which they did; and so I at present diverted them from that profound me­lancholly wherein they were brought upon this occa­sion. At length they again reassumed their jovial [Page 291] temper; and beginning to be a little frollick, I assisted them in that humour: but I was very earnest to know their adventures, being, as I supposed, concern­ed therein, they being both with Child by me when I left them; I therefore begg'd the satisfaction to know what did become of the Fruit of our enjoy­ments, those Children which I suppose they had by me; for I told them I was not unsensible of the con­dition I left them in when I parted from them. Truly reply'd the Drugsters Mistress, who was named Mary, I know not at all what became of mine since it was born. And said the other, who was the Scriveners Mistress, and was named Dorothy, and had been the Farmers Daughter, I know but little of mine since it was a year old. I was desirous to hear of both of them their several fortunes, or rather misfortunes since I first knew them; and they agreeing to give me that satisfaction, it was concluded that Mrs. Mary, with whom I had first to do, should first relate her story: and therefore she began as followeth.


Mrs. Mary relates how that she being got with Child at the Boarding-School, is renounced by her Parents but provided for by her Aunt, where she lay in of a Daughter, after which she is courted in way of marri­age by a Gentleman, who hearing of her mischance, instead of marriage abuses her; and being engaged in a quarrel about her, leaves her to shift for her self, &c.

IN the discourse that I shall make to you concerning those accidents or misfortunes that have befallen me, I shall neither be reserved nor tedious, but plain [Page 292] and short; for I have no reason to disguise any of my actions to two such persons, who are so generally welt acquainted with the general affairs of the World, and who have a particular knowledge of me: Though, sa [...]d she to me, I must needs confess I received very mu [...]h pleasure in the first imbraces I had with you; when, though I supposed my self in bed with one of my own Sex, yet I found to the contrary, and then tast [...]d the pleasures of a Male Bedfellow: though, said I, the sweets of that converse were delightful at pre [...]ent: yet I have through that onely occasion suffe­re [...] many cross [...]s, and been accompanied with much affliction and trouble, which soon overtook me.

I was very young, not being above sixteen years of age when I first lay with you; and so innocent I was a [...] tha [...] age, that I did not imagine that I should h [...]ve [...]ound so sudden an alteration in my body, as w [...] thereby occasioned; neither did I conc [...]ive what would be the effects thereof, till some of my other companions, who had lain with you before me, were di [...]cov [...]red to be sick, and the occasion of their di­st [...]mper being enquired into, it was [...]ound they were with Child, and th [...]n I did guess my self to be in the same condi [...]ion

[...] suppose you are not ignorant of what you had done, and therefore took your flight; but though you con [...]rived your e [...]cape cunningly enough by put­tin [...] on [...]ns apparel, yet it was observed, and you w [...]re [...]ollow [...]d so narrowly, that we supposed you had be [...]n [...]a [...]en, but it proved otherwise. Yes replyed I, when I made [...]y escape, I made for London, and being ha [...]ited in a suit of Cloaths of my Mistress [...]s Sons, I wa [...] [...]a [...]ful o [...] being discovered and known by them, an [...] therefore meeting with a young man of my a [...] ­quaintance: [Page 293] I remember, I perswaded him to ex­change Cloaths with me, and so I escaped; but I would gladly know how be came off. Truly, replied Mrs. Mary, that story was somewhat strange, for the Constable who seized him, had order not to make much noise in the matter, but only to secure him at present in his own house, which he having done, came to our Boarding-School, and acquainted our Mistress that he had secured the party; this being known, my Mistress sent her Son whose Cloathes were stollen to the place; where instead of finding our maid Iane (for by that name, I remember you went, when you lived with us) he saw a strange young man in his Cloaths, though he was told before you had his cloaths on, which he yet saw before him, yet he knew you well enough, not to be so mistaken: for the party that was in that habit was nothing like you; he therefore thoug [...] [...]hat all that had been reported to him was false, till he had made a further enquiry of the young man your friend, who was first asked, where he had those Cloaths: he not knowing any reason he should deny any thing of the truth, freely and fully acknow­ledged that he had them in exchange of his own, of a young man his friend; and being asked many other questions, as whether he knew you, and knew you to be a man, and where this Exchange was made? He fully resolved his Examiners of all questions, and proved the Exchange of Cloaths by the people of the house where the exchange was made.

My Mistresses Son being returned with this an­swer to his Mother, it caused great wonder in all who were not privy to your disguize, but there being a­bout seven or eight of us, who were knowing of that secret, and were known to lie with you, we were all [Page 294] privately examined, and some of us having been sick for some time before, and now strictly examined of the cause, and whether we knew any thing of your dis­guise, and whether you were Man or Woman; we could not hide or deny our knowledge thereof. Upon this discovery, our Mistress (though she was termed a very discreet person) was so outragious, that we thought she would have lost the ordinary use of her Sences; and several revenges she propounded to take of you, not thinking you were escaped her pow­er: but when she understood that you were gone, she caused all privy search and enquiry to be made after you, but to no purpose. The young man, your friend, who had been secured, was discharged, as be­ing found wholly innocent of the crime; and neither was he deprived of his cloaths, but had them freely given to him, and a good sum of money promised him if he could find and secure you: but th [...]h much endeavour was used to find you, yet I could never hear any thing of you, till this late encounter.

But to proceed in my story, our Mistress upon se­cond thoughts resolved to keep this business private for some longer time, to see how many of those seven or eight with whom you had lain, would prove with Child; and it was not long before she found that five of the number were pregnant, whereof I was one. How she ordered the matter with the rest, I know not; but for my own part, my father being made ac­quainted with my misfortune, wholly refused to take any care or notice of me; neither have I ever since seen his face; for though I supposed he loved me well enough, yet I had a Mother in Law, who might per­swade him to flight me, and made use of this occasion to throw me off: but though I was thus cast off by [Page 295] my Father, yet I had an Aunt, who was Sister to my own Mother, who came and visited me; and finding that what was past could not be helpt, took me home with her to her house; where after the usual time of Womens breeding and bearing children, I was deli­vered of a Daughter, which was soon after its birth sent further into the Country to be nursed: and I suppose it was carried thus privately, in hopes to soul­der up the crack that might be in my reputation, which though it did for the present, yet it soon after brake out again.

For a young Gentleman who lived in the next Town to that where my Aunt dwelt, having seen me, fell in love with me, and often waited on me at my Aunts, and took many opportunities of meeting me abroad. Though I liked and loved him well enough, and could have been pleased to have entertained his love with liking at the first offer of it, yet I was commanded by my Aunt to stand off, and be coy in my entertaining of him, lest, as she said, he might by my freeness sus­pect me of lightness; for the matter had been so pri­vately carried in my lying in, that it was not known to him nor any, but some few in the House; and to all others I passed as a Virgin. I taking this advice of my Aunt, gave him but indifferent entertainment; so that he who was passionately in love with me, devised all ways he could to woe, please and win me; and to that end, he not only presented me with many Gifts, as marks of his affection, but also (according to cu­stome) and that so largely, that she promised him all her assistance, and gave him notice of all opportuni­ties whereby he might wait on me, and please me. All things were now brought to a very good pass, and my Aunt had so prudently mannaged this affair, that my [Page 296] Father was content to part from a considerable sum of money for my advancement which was [...]o the full satisfaction of the Gentleman who courted me.

There wanting nothing now to conclude this [...]ffair but the accomplishment of a few days, in which [...]ll Writings were to be Sealed, and the Wedding to be consummated; when all was done, and in that I un­done, by the treachery and pe [...]fidiousnes [...] o [...] thi [...] [...]y Servant maid. For she having received Gifts [...] the young Gentleman, and I having angred her in a tri­vial matter, she to be revenged on me, did a [...]qua [...]nt my Suitor with my condition, and that I should not die with my first Child, for he should be a [...]ther [...]he first day of Marriage. Although at he [...] fir [...]t dec [...]a­ring this matter to him, he could not [...] re [...]i [...] thereto, yet she affirmed the same with s [...] m [...]n [...] and so earnest asseverations, that he was confirm [...] [...] t [...]at belief, and therefore enjoyning her to [...]e [...]esie [...] assistance, and to that end pres [...]nting her with som [...] ­what that was considerable, he left her; and now [...] resolved to deceive me, as I intended him, he or­dered his affairs accordingly, and to that end he caus­ed some delay to be used in the Writings.

We being now, as I thought, as good as Man and Wife, I entertained him with much f [...]eedom, and he courted me with less observance, coming now closer to me in his salutes and embraces: I was so pleased with him in all his actions, that I became wholly at his Devotion, and therefore without the consent and knowledge of my Aunt, we went together out of the Town to a Merry making of several of his Acquain­tance, where we stay'd somewhat late, and he having caused me to drink to a good height, made a halt by the way, and we went into an Inn of his acquaintance, [Page 297] he pretending somewhat was amiss in one of his Horses shoes: here we having privacy, he attempted to be more free with me than ever, and prevailed so far with me, that he had the examining of my Placket, with more freedom then modesty would allow of; but though he would have proceeded further, yet I refused it; he seeing this, desisted, and we again re­mounte our Horses, and he conducted me safely to my Aunts: but although it was very late, yet she sat up, and expected me; and expressed her self very an­gry with him for keeping me out so unseasonably: he did not well rellish her words, but reply'd somewhat tartly to her again, which encreased her anger, and raised it to some passion, and so in anger they at that time parted, he riding home to his own house. I was likewise suffi [...]iently school'd by my Aunt, but I excu­sed all with soft answers, and pleading obedience, which I thought I was bound to pay him, being our Marriage was so soon to be celebrated.

My Lover was resolved to make use of that dayes experience of my easiness, and my Aunts anger, which he was well enough pleased should continue, and there­fore forbore coming to visit me; but he sent a M [...]ssen­ger to my Maid (who had betray'd me) to give him a meeting: she obeyed his summons, and there, and then was my ruine contrived; for it was agreed be­tween them two, that she should perswade me to be ruled by him in every thing, without acquainting my Aunt any more with my proceedings; and a Letter was written, wherein he express [...]d a continuance of his love, and desires of mine, and for a proof thereof, he desires me to provide my self to meet him at a place appointed, which I did, and there we concluded to go for London together, where he promised to Marry me [Page 298] without any more delays. I believing him in every thing, (being perswaded thereto by my treacherous servant) took only some few necessaries with me, and so went to him. And thus leaving all, went with him to London, where when we were Arrived, he went to some Lodgings, where he had provided, as he said, for himself and wife. I was at first contented with the discourse and name of Wife; but when Bed-time came, I was not fully satisfied to go to Bed with him; which, though I at first opposed, yet in the end, after many protestations of his next days performance of Marriage, I consented to, and thereby agreed to my undoing; for the next day, instead of Marriage, he went out in the Morning, leaving me only with the Landlady of the house, and returned not in two days; and then he pretended he had been in great vexation, for that very morning he left me, he being going to speak with a Priest to Marry us, he was met with by a person, to whom he was a little indebted, who basely trappan'd and Arrested him, and he was forc'd to be in the custody of Bayliffs ever since, till he had per­swaded a Friend to lend him some moneys, which to­gether with what he had of his own, he said he had paid to his debtor, and so was discharged. And now, said he to me, I have sent home for some more monies, which I know will be brought me in two days time, and then I shall put an end to this business of our Marriage

Although I seeemed discontented with what he told me, and did begin to believe that he would abuse me; yet I knew it was to no purpose to be very angry, and onely caused him to give me fresh protestations of the honesty of his intentions, and that as soon as ever his money was come, he would fulfil all my desires.

[Page 299]Thus was I forced to be contented with what he said, and to comply with him in all his desires: for we lay together; but I kept within doors very privately, re­fusing to be seen by any body, till such time as our Wedding should be over.

But though two or three days, and a week was now past since he pretended he had sent into the Country for money, yet there came no returns: at which I was very much discontented, he also seeming dissatis­fyed, I then told him, that I had brought a small sum of money with me, which I supposed would be suffi­cient to pay the charges of that occasion. He asked me how much I had, I told him about 10 l. I remem­ber he was somewhat blanck, and at a nonpluss at this proposition: but he soon recovering himself, told me that he expected 100 l. to be brought him, and that would be little enough to defray all the char­ges he intended to be at; for he purposed to lay it all out in Cloathes for me and himself, that we might ap­pear the more splendidly, not only to some friends in London, whom he purposed to visit soon after mar­riage, but also in the Country whither he intended in short time to return to demand my portion, and set­tle all things according to the agreement of our friends and as for the small sum of 10 l. he told me I would have occasion to lay it out in trivial things on that occasion.

Thus was I put off at this time; and indeed so of­ten afterwards, that I in plain terms told him, that I supposed he intended to abuse me, he being resolved to stand the brunt of all my exclamations at this time, did not endeavour, as formerly to pacifie me, but ra­ther provoked me to say more, and be more angry with him, which I was, and reproached him with the [Page 300] abuse he had done me. He having heard the utmost of what I could say, in short told me, that he was the abused party; for should he marry me, as he in­tended, he should have a greater charge to maintain then I told him of, for he had u [...]derstood that I was Mother of a Child; and so the abuse that I would put on him was double: I was so surprised with what he said, that I was more dead then alive, and could not for a long time speak to him; and when I attempted it, I knew not what to say for my self, for he [...]i [...]ctly told me, that he was acquainted with every particu­lar of that my misfortune: and thus having said, he left me.

Many and sad were the thoughts that I entertained in my mind, and I perceived my self to be miserable: for to return to my Aunt, I knew it would be to no purpose, I having thus abused her in my last leaving her. Therefore I concluded it was my best course at present to comply with the desires of my first Lover, not knowing whom to flee to for refuge; wherefore at his return home, I began to him in tears to lament my sad condition, begging pardon for what was past, cleerly confessing the truth of all my former misfor­tune, and that I would for the future be very obedi­ent and constant to him in all things: he gave me the hearing of what I said, and told me all should be well; but I could never find him after that inclinable to mar­ry me, only putting me off with one pretence or other and having a full enjoyment of me already, cared for no more: and now to content and please him, I must not only entertain several of his friends at home at our lodging, but also wait on him abroad; and in­stead of a Wife, I passed for his Couzen.

Amongst other per [...]ons that came to visit him, there [Page 301] was a Gentleman of good quality, who being of his intimate Acquaintance, was frequent at our Lodgings: he taking his opportunity to find me alone, made a tender of his Love and Service to me, and offered me his assistance in every thing I should command him. I finding that he understood somewhat of my condition already, and believing it would be to no purpose to conceal any thing from him, did make him an exact and true narrative of my misfortunes: he was much troubled at the recital of things so strange, but did comfort me the best he could, promising me his best assistance in putting his friend on to perform his pro­mise of Marriage: for, said he, I know little reason he hath to deny or refuse it. For your misfortune at the Boarding-School, was so subtile a business, that you cannot w [...]ll be blamed for it.

This Gentleman accordingly did endeavour to pos­sess my hoped for Husband with that opinion, and to perswade him to marry me but all in vain; for he had now all the sweets he could expect from me, having lain with me for above a month together, and in that time I endeavoured with all artifice I could, to give him all possible content: but he was now cloy'd; and therefore told his friend, that for his Mistress he in­tended to keep me, but never to have me for a Wife. I was neer distracted when this answer was told me; but the Gentleman did again comfort me, promising that he hoped in short time to put all things to rights again. I seeing it was to no purpose to be angry, re­solved to bear all things with patience, and seem to be frollick, which was to a good height; and this Gen­tleman seeing me in so merry a humour, was desirous to put in for a share in the pleasure of my enjoyments, and to that end now courted me indeed: he had been [Page 302] so civil to me in these late transactions, that I could not hansomely refuse him any thing; but however, I for some time held out against all his loving importu­nities; but he having an absolute freedom in our lodg­ing, so opportunity, that he won me to his embraces, and had a full possession of me. Thus was I enjoyed by two men; but my last Lover was very cautious in keeping this his enjoyment from the knowledge of his friend, and we took opportunities in his absence to renew our pleasures. But at length we grew so bold in these practices, that my first Lover discovered us, and waching his opportunity by hiding himself in the Chamber, he took us in the manner. He discovering himself, used many outragious speeches to me and my Companion, as, that he abused him, in perswading and urging him to marry with one who was his pro­stitute: the other flew out in high expressions; and being valorous enough; they drew their weapons, and before I could get any to interpose and hinder their fight, my new Lover was wounded, and that so de­sperately, that he fell; the other seeing that, and sup­posing him killed, fled, and so left me: and my woun­ed friend being visited by Chirurgions, recover'd a little, but desired to be removed to his own Lodgings lest he might be prejudiced by the various reports that would run upon this occasion; I was likewise willing to have it so, as thinking it most covenient.

Thus was I left alone, and I, who lately had two Lo­vers and Servants, was now left without any; for my old friend came no more after me, and my new Servant who was wounded, was forced for his health-sake to be carried into the Country.

Now did I find my self truly distressed, for I wholly retired my self, not seeing any man, and was only ac­companied [Page 303] by my Landlady, and another ancient woman who frequented her house. In vain did I expect the return of either of my Lovers, and almo [...]t all my Mo­neys was gone, in Diet, and for payment of Lodging. My Landlady proposed several ways and courses for me to take, as to send to my first friend who brought me thither, which I did, but could not hear of him; she would have had me send to my Aunt, but I whol­ly refused so to do, being resolved to bear with any necessities, rather then again to apply my self to her.

The other old woman, who, I told you, frequen­ted our house, did then put in some words to the Di­scourse, and my Landlady leaving us together, she told me, that if I would be ruled by her, she would so order matters, that I should want for nothing, and live the most pleasantest life in the world. I who was now miserable enough, was well enough pleased to hear of pleasure, and bid her say on: She thereupon told me, that it was great pity that so delicate a beauty as mine should be closeted up, and that I should spend that time in tears and lamentations, which might not only be a pleasure to my self, but many others who would love me with a great deal of passion; and whereas hitherto I had only been reserved to serve the pleasures of one man, or two at the most, and for that I had only reaped sorrow and trouble; that I might command many, who would, not only please and serve me, but I should command their purses, by having money enough at my own dispose. Many words to this purpose she uttered, and many argu­ments she used. Though at the first I did not under­stand what she aimed at, yet by several Questions, which she answered me, I found she would have me prostitute my Body for my pleasure, and to gain a [Page 304] livelihood; and in fine, should get my living with the hands I sate on.

Though I had tasted man, as first with you, and afterwards had two at a time, my two late Lovers, and by that was induced to desire more of the same pleasures, yet I was extreamly unwilling to prosti­tute my body to every fellow that should bring mony in his hand; and this I suppose I must do, if once I undertook that course. Thus I reasoned with this old woman, but she told me. No, I should not do so, for I should only have my choice of what and whom I liked, and few of such would be profitable enough to maintain me in a splendid Garb; and to this she gave me so many reasons, that I consenting to leave my Lodgings, went with her to the place where she conducted me.


She gives an account of her being entred into a Baw­dy house, where she received great profit by the sale of her Maidenhead.

I Being now come to the place intended, was enter­tained by a Grave ancient Matron, in whose face might be seen the ruines of no common beauty; and the defects of that being occasioned by age, was sufficiently supplied in a deportment and garb that was not common, though it were very pleasant. She gave me many welcomes, and told me that she had a very great respect for me, having heard of my mis­fortunes, and hoping that she might put an end to my [Page 305] sorrows, and afford me fresh pleasure: she had to that end employed that antient woman as her Messenger, to perswade me to leave that house of Mourning wherein I was, for hers, which was a Pallace, nay, a Paradice of pleasure, wherein I should be accompa­nied with all manner of contentment. I told her I should be willingly obedient to her commands, in ex­pectation of those pleasures she promised. Several o­ther Discourses we had, whereby she gave me in­structions how to behave my self; and, said she, since you intend to make one of my Family, I shall give you an account of my manner and method in gover­ning the same.

My house, continued she, being frequented by per­sons of all Qualities, it is therefore necessary that I should be furnished with women, who should be pro­per and fit for their respective accommodations, for the Servants and Pages must be sometimes served as well as their Masters; I therefore distinguish those women that belong unto me into three several sorts and distinctions; and because I intend to make use of you only in the first and principal, I shall therefore be more particular in my discourse to you of that.

You are therefore to know, that as my house is well enough furnished with women to accommodate my ordinary Guests, so I have several who are kept abroad▪ who serve for the extraordinary accommoda­tion of my best sort of Guests, and those are such as are so queamish stomached, that will not see one face a­bove two or three times; with these a Maidenhead is a very great dainty, for they lay out with me for one, sometimes a quarter or half a year together. [Page 306] Now, though I know you have parted from yours already, yet I question not but to make a good Mer­chandize of yours, and get a good round sum of mony for you and my self; and if you will be ruled by me in everything, I shall so manage the business, that you shall not have to do with above two or three in a twelve months time, and they shall be such, as shall not only maintain you in a brave Garb and equipage, but you shall gain many Jewels, and a good round sum of money. To this Discourse I replied, that I hoped she would perform what she said, and in ex­pectation thereof, I should dispose my self to be whol­ly directed by her.

This I remember was our first Discourse, or to this purpose, and she presently orderd me a Lodging with­in a few doors of her house, where I had such another as my self for my Companion, and we were very well accommodated with every thing; my habit was some­what altered, for I was now put into the most exact mode that was then in best esteem. According to her Directions I carried my self in every thing; and once a day I waited on her, or else she came to me. I had not been there many days be [...]ore she told me that there was an opportunity to begin my business, and there­fore she advised me to go the next day to a Play; and set my self out in the best manner that I could; but she advised me by all means to decline drinking, or enter­taining any Discourse with any person, though I should be importuned thereto, I promising obedience to her commands; and my Companion, who was my Bed-fellow, attended me to the Play-house, where by great attention to the Comedy that was acted, I did not mind those who made it their chief business to gaze on me. The Play being done, I went out, but was [Page 307] stayed by two Gentlemen (who by their Habits see­med of quality) who offered me their Service to wait on me. I at first answered them with silence; but they seeing I had no other Company but my Bed fel­low, were very importunate to have me accept of theirs. I told them that they were strangers, and therefore durst not admit of their kind offer: Having said thus, I called for a Coach, and though they still importuned me to accept of their Company, yet I absolutely refused it, and so caused the Coachman to drive home. That evening was I visited by our Ma­trona, who told me, I had done well, for she had an account given her of my deportment: for, said she, it is not unknown to me that you were offered the ser­vice of two Gentlemen, one of which is a person who is a retainer to my house, an old beaten Souldier, and several such we are forced to keep correspondency withal, that we may have new fresh Guests brought to our house. The other Gentleman, said she, is one who hath a long time laid out for a fresh bit, and he was carried to the Playhouse on purpose to see you; whom I gave my correspondent his companion so just an account of, that he could not miss knowing of you: they both followed your Coach to your Lodgings; and have since been at mine, and my young Coxcomb is very much smitten with your beauty, and offers a­ny thing that he may enjoy your Company. I have promised him my assistance, but he must come off well first; and I question not but to manage him so, as in few days you shall find the effects of his love in some noble present, therefore said she, fail not to be direct­ed by me, and I doubt not but you will reap much pleasure and profit. I having promised a just compli­ance to her desires, she departed leaving me in the com­pany [Page 308] of her Bed-fellow, who that night entertained me with a large account of her Adventures.

I remember she told me, that when she first came acquainted with our Matrona, she was pick'd up al­most in the same manner as I had been; and that in less then two monthes, her Maidenhead was sold six times, for which she had gained in Presents to the va­lue of fifty pounds; and I suppose, said she, our Ma­trona gained above as much more in money: since then, said she, my first Customers have but rarely vi­sited me; and she having no more Customers for my Maidenhead, I now pass for a Merchants Wife, and am often sent for in that name; and I seldom miss a day without one or two Customers, who entertain me as such a person. She being thus free with me, I thought good to ask her some more questions, as, how she paid for her Diet and Lodging? and from whence she had Cloaths? To this she answered, that for the first half year her Diet was paid for by the Matrona, who indeed had all the Money that was gained by her; and as for Cloaths, she had them first of all lent, or given by her, and since given her by those who had to deal with her: and now, said she, I pay for my own Diet, and have all the Money that is given me; and all the profit she hath, is in selling her Wine, and other things she vendeth at our Col­lations; and now and then I suppose she gets half a piece or a piece of a new Customer by procuring me.

I was somewhat satisfied with this Discourse, and the next day I was visited by the old Woman (who brought me first acquainted with our Matrona) who brought me a Letter from my Amorous Gallant; I remember it was stuffed with Complements, and all the happiness he desired, was to see me once more at [Page 309] the Play-house. In this affair, I taking advice with our Matrona, it was resolved I should return no an­swer; but however, within two days, I again went to the Play-house, where I was no sooner seated, but I was attended by my Gallant, and now I could not decline his Company: during the Play he treated me with all manner of fruits, and such things as could be purchased there; and the Play being done, he offered me a farther treat at some other place; but I refused that, as also any further converse with him; and again (calling for a Coach) I went home, refusing his com­pany, and being very shie and coy to all his Proposals, which though many, yet prevailed not at all upon me.

The next day I had another Letter sent me, as also a Diamond-Ring of Twenty pound price as a present: I accepted of both, and then promised within two days to meet him again at the Play-house, where my Gallant came richly accoutred in all his bravery, I then entertained discourse with him, and the Play being ended, I at his earnest opportunity accepted of a Trea [...] he quickly provided for me at the next Tavern. I then told him, that I durst not stay, for I expected my Unckle to come and visit me that Evening at my Lodg­ing, who was to bring me news out of the Country about my Father: he being desirous to please me, consented to my departure, I promising to give him another meeting at a place we appointed the next day, and thus we again parted. I was now so far engaged with him, that I the next day again met him, and he then courted me for enjoyment; but I seeming very angry, he to pacifie me, gave me a Gold Watch, and then I permitted him to embrace and kiss me; and though I contradicted his proceeding further with me yet he found by me, that in time he might arrive to [Page 310] it. In this apprehension he was very prodigal in his promises, and what great things he would do, if I would permit him so great a happiness; he oftentimes wishing himself a single-man (for he was Married) that he might make himself happy in so brave a Wife, as he knew I would be. These Discourses, and others which he used, and those many strict embraces which he gave me with the tittilations of the flesh, and I had much ado to continue inexorable: but remember­ing how I had been deceived formerly, and withall knowing that I had not our Matrona's order as yet for fruition, I therefore contradicted my own thoughts and wanton desires, and refused to let him proceed to any other satisfaction than what he could get by kissing and embracing me, and handling my Breasts and Neck, and so we again parted, I being still attended by my Bed-fellow.

We were no sooner come home, but she was sent for by our Matrona, to whom she gave an account of our actions; but that was not all her business, for when she returned home, and we were in Bed to­gether, she told me she had been at the Sport with a brave Gallant, with whom she had received great pleasure, for he was newly come to Town, and willing enough to have continued the sport longer, but that it was late, and therefore they had referred a conti­nuance of the pleasures to the next day; and that she had not only pleasure but profit, for he had given her three Crowns, and promised to be more beneficial to her during his stay in London.

This discourse of hers, the remembrance of what she had been at, and what I might have received if I would, did very much fire me, and I then took up a resolve not much longer to delay those pleasures I [Page 311] had now so long been without; and thereupon being visited the next day by my Servant, (and having the permission of my Matrona so to do) I entertained him with somewhat more freedom than formerly, and went with him to the house of our Matrona, as if a great stranger there; and now was I doubly courted, not only by him, but her; so that I permitted him enjoyment, and he so well pleased me, that at his fur­ther earnest opportunity, I consented to lie with him all Night, where I satisfied him and my self in all those amorous sweets that two willing Lovers could receive or give.

Whilst I was thus occupied at our Matrona's house, my Bedfellow was not idle; for she understanding my place would be void, was resolved to have it supplied, and therefore summoned her Country Gentleman, who very readily attended her, and for that night was so pleased with her Company in the night, that he desired it the next day at a frolick at a Tavern. She accordingly attended him, where a plentiful din­ner was provided, there being four or five Gentlemen, and two Women besides her self. Dinner being en­ded, and some quantity of Wine drank off, they all began to be merry, and therefore a noise of Fidlers were call'd, and they all fell to singing and dancing, in which they spent some time; and the other two women being likewise Ladies of the right stamp, they did by turns leave the rest of the Company, and re­tire by Couples into a private Room, where they had the conveniency of a Bed, and thus they spent most part of the Day. Night drawing on, reckoning was call'd for; but it being a large one, all the Gentle­men were dissatisfied, not being willing to pay so dear for their pleasure, and to have such sour sawce to their [Page 312] sweet meat: the Fidlers being paid, they resolv'd to put a trick upon the Vintner for his reckoning. The Fidlers now playing their last Lesson, the Gentlemen one after another made their several exits, leaving the three women to pay the Score; who for some time waited the return of the Gentlemen with money, but in vain. The Master of the house understanding how he was likely to be serv'd, came up to the Women, and gave them such a lesson as made them sing lachri­mae: they made many Apologies and excuses, but in vain, money or a sufficient pawn he would have before they went. They considering the neceessity of the business, resolved to leave some of their Rings and such like Moveables for their enlargement. Agree­ing on the manner, they were now considering the matter, what, and how much should be left, when two or three men entred the Room, and bluntly as­ked for the Women, naming them by their several names. Not only they, but the Master of the house was of opinion, that they were come with Mony to redeem them; but their Errand prov'd not so plea­sant to the Vintner: for these men declar'd them­selves to be Bayliffs, and their business was to arrest the three Women at several actions, and to that end produced their Warrant. The women were much troubled, and began to exclaim that they owed no such sums; but the officers who were not to be baf­fled, told them they were their Prisoners, and must along with them. The Vintner now put in, and de­manded satisfaction, and would have the women leave some pawn for the Reckoning; but the Officers told them, that they had best keep what they had for they might have occasion for it upon the account of the Ar­rest; and for the Reckoning, the Vintner must take [Page 313] his course at Law; the Vintner for some time opposed the Officers, and said he would be paid first, and al­though a Constable was sent for, yet to no purpose, for the Warrant being produc'd, they were permit­ted to march off with their Prisoners; and a Coach being call'd for, they all crowded into it, ordering the Coachman to drive towards the Goal.

The Women used many Arguments to the Bayliffs, who now having done their business, seemed only at the request of the Women, to attend them to a Ta­vern, whither the Coachman had orders to drive, and there they were conducted into a Room, where instead of Bayliffs, and a Prison, they had the com­pany of their day Companions, who now kindly wel­com'd them, and acquainted them of their frolick, and how all this was only designed to cheat the Vintner of his Reckoning, who had formerly put tricks upon them. All parties being now well pleased, they spent that night in the Tavern together, and my compani­on coming home the next day, acquainted me with this Story.


In prosecution of her Extravagancies, she comes ac­quainted with a young Gentleman, with whom she acts several frollicks, occasioned by seeing Playes acted.

THis continued, Mrs. Mary was my beginning or entrance into my publick profession, and indeed, I cannot well call it publick, for I was private and re­served, not admitting any more servants but this one in one Month; and indeed, in the first half year, I had but three, but they were so beautiful, that I had [Page 314] wherewithal to satisfie my self in every thing: having in Jewels and other presents, to the value of 100 l. Neither had I any thing to pay for diet or lodging, the charge of that being alwayes born by our Matrona who I found had gained above 60 l. in money for procuration, and assistance in winning me; besides, a great deal more money spent at her House in Collati­ons and Entertainments for me, which were very fre­quent and costly. The Trade for Maiden-heads fal­ling, the price being so great, I was forced to fight under another Banner, and though I did not pass for a Maid, yet I was accounted in the next degree, for I passed as the Mistress, or Lady of Pleasure of a Person of Quality, who kept me as a great rarity for his own diet; and indeed I did not deceive my first customers upon that account; for whereas I went under the notion of belonging to one Person, I did belong to but three: and I was forced to play my game pretty cunningly to please them, and not give them suspition of one another, for they being all introduced into my acquaintance by our Matrona, or some of her Agents, she did help to mannage my affairs; and when she knew I was to accompany or lie with one of my sweet-hearts, she would tell the other, (if he or they desired the same, that it could not be for the present, for either I was waiting upon my Uncle, or some other Relation, or otherwise employed, that I must be excused at the present: but against such a time she would endeavour to procure me to accom­pany them; and this was her tale or mine, when more than one importun'd me with their visits, and by this means did we both gain the money, and I, Rings, Neck-laces, Watches, and new Gowns, and sometimes Gold to spend or Play away; but in time [Page 315] these three growing somewhat weary, or tyred both in their Bodies and Purses, but especially in the last, they by degrees left me, seldom visiting me, and when they did, they would desire their pleasure on free cost, although I could not be so ungrateful as to deny them that which cost me nothing, and which I had equal pleasure in, yet I saw it was time to look out for o­ther better customers; and therefore as I told you, I passed as the Mistress of a Person of Quality, and was sent for to our Madonas house, whether I would pretend I had stollen out, but durst not stay, least my amorous Master should return and want me: several persons I enjoyed at this rate, and much ready money was coming to me; for they with whom I had to do, understanding I was a professed Lady of Pleasure, knew well enough that I would not be contented to pleasure them without a reward; and therefore they gave me money. But now the case was somewhat altered, and I must now pay for my Diet, for our Madona has, as I told you, a certain custome or rule which she walked by, which was this, that at the first she paid for Diet and Lodging as long as the Maiden-head customers lasted, for all that time she took the mony, and the Woman the Presents, very little mony coming to their hands; and indeed it was not by our rules thought honourable or convenient, that a price in money should be given on that account to the party her self; but when they came under the notion of a Lady of Pleasure, and Virginity was gone, then it was accounted reasonable, and indeed necessary, that the Party her self should receive money for her better support, and then she must be at the cost of her own diet; and this was my cause: And my Companion and Bed [...]ellow, who had bin in this condition for some [Page 316] time, and had passed, as I now did, for a private Lady, a Merchants Wife, and several other Titles and qua­lities, was now grown so common, and her face was so well known to all our Madona's own house, and there serve in common for all Gentlemen customers that come. Thus as I was removed one step lower then I was, so was she, and it was not long ere I had a pretty young thing brought to be my companion: and though her Virginity had been parted with above a twelve month before, (as she confessed to me) yet she was to succeed me in my place, and act the part of a Virgin as I had done.

I now began to bethink my self of what I had bin, and what more I was to be, and run through: I found that I was already at the second degree, and that in short time, I must follow my late companion to the third, and be forced to go home to our Madona's house, and there prostitute my self to every drunken fellow that brought money in his hand; to be slab­bered, tumbled and tossed as he pleased: this I say went against my stomack, and I was much troubled at it; nay, I saw that some who had bin in as high a place and degree as my self, were in bad condition enough; for there was one who was my late companions Bed­fellow before I came, and was at that time called into the house to make room for me, this Woman being very frollick, and withall negligent of our Madona's commands; which were to Sweat, Bath, and Purge, and use other remedies to drive away all distempers; she I say being negligent and wanton, and keeping an open Stable for all Horses, gave entertainment to a running Nag, which so paid her, that she was sound­ly pepper'd, not with a Horse-Pox, but as bad, or a worse disease, which stuck to her so soundly, that [Page 317] notwithstanding our Madona's diligence, she was fain to go under the Surgeons hands. Nay, and those that did Escape this, were in time put to bad offices, as to attend the rest, and when their money was gone, they served the Grooms and Skip-kennels that attended their Masters to our house.

These considerations, I say, made me think of a re­medy to take in time; and therefore I was resolved to order my matters so, as never to come to our Madona's house, but provide for my self before it should come to that point; and therefore I purposed to accept of the offers of the next best customer that came, that would take me from the condition I was in, and to provide for me; for it was a usual thing, that we had many offers by several persons to take us away; and keep and maintain us privately.

I had now every day more variety of servants then formerly; for now I had done trafficking for my Maiden-head, I was more free and open, and to be courted and treated at a cheaper rate; and now I was at my own dispose, whereas before I was still watch­ed by our Madona, or my Companion, who had it in charge from her, to give an account of all my actions; and the same charge had I given me over my new-come Bedfellow. All that was expected from me, was always to be ready at my Lodging, to come when sent for; but I had this in general, and so had all the rest of our Companions, not to permit any man to exceed kissing and feeling, till 3 or 4 Bottles of Wine were first drank.

These, and many other Maxims we were instructed in, which I shall omit, and only give you an account of two or three frollicks I was a party in whilst I professed this quality, and so conclude.

[Page 318]Among other Servants or Sweet-hearts that I had, who were my constant customers, I had one, a young Country Gentleman; who, being Heir of a good Estate, was brought up to London, and placed in one of the Inns of Court; but instead of studying Law, he applyed himself to a more soft and effeminate stu­dy: the Art of Love and Courtship; he had read Ovid's Arte amandi, at home in the Country, and could repeat many lines out of it; and he had read some other pieces of Poetry; but his fancy was not drawn to the height, till he had not only read some Comedies, but also seen them acted; and then he was so taken with them, that he spent his time commonly every afternoon, in seeing one acted: he being a guest at our house, (being introduced thither by one of our Hectors) and his Pockets being very well lined with crown pieces, our Matrona thought me a fit Mistriss for him; and he being a handsome young fellow, I willingly accepted him for my Servant: he being as I told you, well skilled in Ovids Art of Love, would often make use of several of his expressions, to per­swade me to his imbraces.

Though he needed not use these arguments to in­duce me to permit him to enjoy me; yet I was well enough pleased to hear his Poetry; and I being no Novice in the School of Love, did withstand him, knowing that the mind is most eagerly bent on that which is forbidden; and therefore, like a torrent, it overflows, and becomes more impetuous by opposi­tion; and I had read so much Poetry as to remem­ber that,

She that is willing to love me,
To her unwilling will I be

[Page 319] And,

Proffer'd pleasures I defy,
Give me her that doth deny.

He making use of his Poetry, made me think of mine; and therefore I was the more coy to him; but still held him in hand, and gave him certain hopes of an absolute enjoyment: This his vain of Poetry was not only pleasant to me, but profitable; and he fell into one of the finest humors that I have heard of: for I attending him to the Play-houses very frequently, we one day saw a Play called Philaster, or, Love lyes a bleeding: The Play being done, we went to a Ta­vern, and there he highly commended th [...] [...]ction, but above all things, the womens parts: he was very much pleased with Arethusa's constancy and love to Phila­ster: but that which tickled him most was Mege­ra's acceptance of Pharamon's Court-ship; for though she were a great Court-Lady, yet she accepted his gold which he presented her, and was so kind as to attend his pleasure in his lodging. Now said he to me, though I have tendred you my service, and am willing to make you a present of all I have, yet I cannot induce you to be so kind to me.

I now hearing him at this point, was resolved to ac­cept him and his present, (for, though he had been some days in my company, yet he had bestowed nothing considerable upon me) therefore I told him that it was true, the Lady Megera did accommodate Prince Pha­ramond; but he did first present her with somewhat that was considerable, to induce her to it; and though [Page 320] I had a very great respect for his love, yet there was some what more then love to be tendred, as he might now very well understand by this late passage.

My yonker (who I suppose, had never tasted wo­man, but with his Mothers Chamber Maids, or some such Creatures, knew not what belonged to Women of my profession) being now awakened, as it were, out of a dead sleep; quickly drew 5 pieces of Gold out of his Pocket, and made a present of them: You may be sure I was not coy nor cautious in receiving them, but quickly put them up; and, for the present, thanks was all I returned, delaying him in his desires, till we came to our Madona's quarters; where we had a plen­tiful Supper: And I having now acquainted her how I had dealt with my Young man; it was thought reaso­nable that he should have a nights lodging for his Mo­ney; neither did I refuse it, but agreed to all he asked me, and I so well pleased him, that I perswaded him out of a Diamond Ring worth 5 l. more.

I am the more particular in my relation of my ac­quaintance with him: and the means of our closing, by seeing a Play, because of the advantage I gained on him afterwards by the same occasion: for the next day we again going to see a Play, it happened, that it was the Siege of Rhodes, and then he was as much taken with Roxolana, as he had formerly been with Arethusa, and highly commended that part: I perceiving his fancy, tol [...] him, that I supposed he would be very glad to im­brace Roxolana in his Arms; Yes, said he, that I would, though it were at the expence of 20 l. well said I, give me the money, and I will so order the matter, that [Page 321] you shall receive that satisfaction; nay, said he, but I doubt you will be offended thereat, no said I, it will be as much to my content, as yours. He hearing this, without any difficulty, agreed to give me 20 l. which was sent me that evening, I told him the next day, that in one weeks time, he should receive the content he expected, and to heighten his expectation: I refused to let him lye with me in the mean time.

In this weeks time I so ordered the matter, that I got a Taylor, and other persons who were used to make the habits for the Players, to make me a habit in all things like to that of Roxolona; this being done, I acquainted my young Gentleman, and told him that for his better satisfaction, he should see the so famed Princess at our quarters, where he might have more freedom then at any other place; he was herewith very well contented; he habiting himself in the rich­est garbs he had, and a Colation was provided to treat his expected Mistris; all things being thus fitted on his part, I put on the provided habit; and instead of his expected Roxolona, I entred the Room where he was, attended by two or three, who bore up my train, and had set my self out with so many Jewels, both good, and counterfeit: and was indeed in all things so like the Roxolana he had seen, that he doub­ted not but I was the very same, and was much surpri­sed at the matter: and although my face was as love­ly as hers, yet I had added somewhat thereto to ap­pear more beautiful.

Our Matrona seeing him somewhat amazed, went to him, and rouzing him up, asked him, why he did [Page 322] not salute me; for said she, though her habit is not English, yet you see she is of this Country, and will admit of the ordinary salutes. He being now quickned u [...], approached me, and gave me the ordinary salutati­on [...], which I accepted, and at his request I sate down by him. Well said our Matrona, hath not Mrs. Mary per [...]ormed her promise with you. Yes, said he, to ad­mi [...]ation: and if before I desired this Ladies Company at the first view, I am much more pleased than I ex­pected; and as I have a very great esteem for this La­dy▪ and intend to continue it, yet that shall be no pre­judice to Mrs. Mary, whose great love and kindness to me in this particular action, I shall always remember, and largely requite; Well Sir, said I, what love you bestow on her, shall be very acceptable to me, and I shall indeavour to retalliat the same.

My young man had not till now heard me speak, and though he did, he could not distinguish me by my voice, so great a difference was there in my ha­bit, from my ordinary dress, that he did not so much as suspect it, but, hearing me speak with so much af­fection for Mrs. Mary, ha! replyed he, that since I was so much a friend to her, he was the better sa­tisfied in what he had desired; and he wanted nothing to content him so much, as her presence. Well, said our Matrona, if that be all, you may have that satis­faction quickly: nay, and you have it already; for she is in this Room: he hearing her, looked earnestly about; and though he gazed much in my face, yet he could not discover me; but my greatest business be­ing now done, our Matrona could no longer forbear, but fell into a very great fit of laughter, and so did [Page 323] the rest of the company; neither did this make him sensible of the matter, till our Madona, taking him by the hand, caused him to take me by mine; and told him, that if he desired Mrs. Marys company there, he had it; for she was the same party with that Lady, and had only put on that habit, to give him the con­tent and satisfaction he desired.

Although at first he could not credit what she said, yet looking again earnestly upon me, he discovered the matter; and then he said, Ah Madam, I did not imagine that you could be guilty of so pleasing a fallacy; but I am very well satisfied therein, and am now more glad that you have found out this way to please me, than if I enjoyed the very party her self.

To this I answered, That I hoped I should as well sa­tisfie his [...]sire in enjoying that Princess whom I repre­sented, as if he had in his Company the same person who acted that part at the Theatre; for, said I, it is only her habit that makes her appear so like a Princess; and I, being now in the same dress, may as well pass as she; and as for face and other parts, I shall not give her any preheminence, neither I hope will you, if you look on me with an impartial eye.

My friend was very well satisfied in what I had done and said, and now coming more near to me, we fell to our Collation with much freedom. I was attended by [...]everal whom I had appointed to that purpose, and demeaned my self so Majestically, that as they told me, I might very well pass for the very person whom I did represent; and my Gentleman was so extream­ly [Page 324] well pleased, that I thought he would have lost his Eyes in gazing at me. Our Collation being ended, I and my attendants Danced, and spent much time in such kind of divertisements; but I saw that my friend was impatient till Bed-time came, that he might have me his beloved Princess in his Arms: we were wait­ed on with all manner of state, and had Musick at­tending us, not only at the time we were up, but also when we were in Bed: they being placed in the Chamber adjoyning to our Lodgings, where they played for two hours space after we were retired.

The Strength of imagination was much, for as my bedfellow imagined that he had a Princess in his arms, so I conceited my self to be little less, great was the pleasure I received from, and gave to my bedfellow, for we were both in the flower of our age, he being a­bout twenty, and I eighteen, we had both equal de­sires, and thought of nothing but pleasure: we bani­shed all other passions, to make way for that of love, according to the Poet.

Fair Venus never goes to Bed,
To those that are with sorrows fed.


Her Friend being forced from her by his Friends, she meeting with one of her old acquaintance, falls again to trading for her self, till in the end, she meets with the Drugster, who kept her for his private use.

ALthough I was well enough pleased with my nights lodging, and so was my Bedfellow: yet as the longest day, so will the longest night have an end; and as no pleasure is lasting, neither would ours continue, for the morning being come, we were again called up by Musick, but being glutted with that, we ordered them to retire, and I first arose out of our Bed, and going to dress me in my ordinary habit, my Bedfellow did forbid it, and intreated me to give him the satisfaction and delight to see me again in my Turkish dress. He having pleased me so well, I was contented to pleasure him, in a request that was so in­different; and therefore dressed my self accordingly.

He was so well pleased with me in every thing, that taking me in his Arms, I remember he sighed, and I demanding the reason of that passion, he told me, it was out of the extremity of the love he bore me, and which he desired above all things to continue; indeed I liked him so well, that I could have been well enough contented to have been his Wife, and have left all the [Page 326] world for him, for he was of so easie a pliant nature, that I could have wrought him to any thing: and therefore being desirous to make use of that op­portunity, I desired him not to be melancholy, for all that I could serve him in, I should readily do: he find­ing me so free with him, told me, if that I would wait the death of his Mother, he would make me his wife, and in the mean time would entertain me, and provide for me wholly as if I were so: but he durst not Marry me till his Mother was dead, she having a great pow­er over his Estate, his Father who was lately dead, so ordered it; and beside, he was not as yet of Age to demand it. I being desirous to close with him, (not only out of a desire. I had to leave that course of life I then led, but also out of pure Love I bore him) soon agreed to be wholly disposed by him, and desired him therefo [...]e to be constant in his affection; and take some time to consider how to dispose of me, and I should readily consent to it, for he knew as well as I, that it would not at all be convenient for me to re­main where I was. This was our discourse, and then we went from our Chamber into another Room, where we were expected by our Matrona, and some others of my companions, the next day also we spent in [...]rolicking and mirth▪ but the whole charge of it, was not bo [...]n by my friend, for several of our Matro­na's Friends and Clients did participate in the cost, as w [...]ll as the mirth, which was very high, and lasted all the day and night, and then tyred, though not satis­fied with su [...]h delights as Bacchus and Venus could afford: we (having imitated the Empress Messalina in our debauchery; of whom the Poet saith,

[Page 327]
The Impereal Stumpet, with one Maid, stole out
In her Night hoods, and having cast about
Her black hair, a red Perriwig she got,
Into the stewes—
There many thirsted for encounters tryed,
Departed tyr'd with men, not satisfied.

This frolick being at an end, I and my friend began to be serious, and in short time after, he provided me a private Lodging, and I making up my pack of Cloaths, Jewels, and Money which I had gained, and which was considerable; left our Madona, and now retired my self, and resolved to be very honest, and absolutely constant to my friend, who continued his love to me in a very great measure.

But at length, all the Monies that he brought to Town with him, and all else that he could get or procure, was spent; (for he had not spared any thing I desired to content me,) and which was worse, his Mother came to Town to visit him, and upon exami­nation, he could give little account how he had spent his time and monyes; wherefore it being concluded, that ill company was the cause, his Mother laid out very diligently to discover what company he kept: though he abstained from coming [...]o often to me, as formerly. Yet, he either sent, or came to me every day, that he might not be absolutely out of favor with his Mother, I furnished him with what ready mony I had, and he in requital, promised me a continuance of his love, and a retalliation of my kindness, and which was more than all, he engaged to Marry me, (not­withstanding [Page 328] all the oppositions his Mother or friends could make) if I would stay till he was of Age, and had his Estate in his hands; I had this promise from him, not onely by word of Mouth, but also by Writing; but all these promises were quickly vacuated and void; for his Mother by her extraordinary diligence, found out his haunts, and discovered his coming to me: and followed the tract of my actions and life: that she found from whence I came, and who I was; and then soon concluded, that I had been the chief occasion of his mispending his time and Moneys; and now she mustred up all her wits, to prevent his ruine, which she supposed would be inevitable, if he continued any longer a correspondency with me.

To this end she called her Son before her, and exa­mined him in the presence of all those of his Rela­tions and friends which were then in Town. She laid the business so plain and home to him, that he could not deny the matter, but somewhat of the manner he did; for whereas she reported me an absolute Pro­stitute, he alledged me virtuous and modest, as indeed well he might, (for I had ere since my first acquain­tance with him, been constant to him) but it being proved from whence I came, and how immodest I had lived, it was a sufficient argument to make out what I was, and that I could not be a fit Wife for him: She was a very discreet Woman, and one who had known the World, and I suppose was well e­nough acquainted with that saying of the Poet.

If Modesty and Women once do sever,
Farewel their Name, farewel their Fame for ever.

[Page 329]And therefore it being evident enough what I had been, she from thence concluded what I would be: In fine, she so scooled her Son, and ordered the mat­ter, that he was contented to relinquish my company; and because she would be sure he should do so, she never left till she had got him in the mind to Travel, and so putting him in an equipage befitting his qua­lity, she sent him for France.

Thus, when I thought my self near the greatest hap­piness I ever yet arrived to, (which I earnestly hoped, and expected by being married to this young Gentle­man) was I stripped of all joy and comfort, in his sud­dain and absolute departure from me; his Mother and Freinds, were so strict with him, that they would not permit him to take his farewel of me; I only received a short Letter from him, wherein, he complained of his ill fortune, in being thus forced from me: but more especially at the manner of it; for he had not the opportunity, nor power to be civil to me, in re­imbursing me with the moneys I had lately furnished him with; for his Mother gave him more ready mo­neys, then he should have present occasion for; pro­mising him, to supply him with more by Bills of Ex­change, when he should arrive at the place he was designed for; and then he promised that I should hear further from him.

This was the substance of his letter; and indeed I could not well complain of him: for what moneys he had lately received of me, had formerly been his own; but I was now reduced to a very low condition: having no ready money, so that I was forced to sell [Page 330] some of my Jewels; and for a while supplyed my oc­casions with the moneys they yeil [...]ed me; I living a very solitary, and retired life, and all my pleasure was in reading Plays, and Romance: in which I spent much time, and took great delight; I wai [...]d long in expect­ation of letters from my friend, according to his pro­mise; but whether he sent, and they were intercepted, or how; or whether he [...]orgot me, or [...], I know not; for I never after that heard of him.

Being weary with this soli [...]ary life; and find­ing no effects of my friends pro [...]i [...] to send to me; I began to consider what course I was to take; I was very unwilling to visit my old Matrona again; but one day▪ I was met by one of my old [...]weet-hearts: one of those whom I had known in her h [...]use; but I saw by his habit, and afterw [...]rd [...] by the strength of his Pocket, that he was but in a low condition, and was more ready to receive, than give, he [...]astned on me for old acquaintance sake, I was forced to drink with him; but he ingeniously told me, that Hector was not in the Field, he had no money in his Pocket; wherefore I (though money was not very flush with me, as having had a long time of vacation:) not on­ly paid our reckoning, but at his entreaty, double hors'd him, by lending him, (or I may rather say, giving him) two half crowns.

This put him in Stock and heart, and he gratefully acknowledged my civility, telling me, he would re­quite it, and talking of thousands he was to receive. He was very earnest to know my Lodging, but I con­cealed that place from him, and, as I thought, parted [Page 331] from him warily enough, and went many ways about before I went home, bu [...] he dog'd me, and seeing me hous'd, waited, lest that might not be the place; but after a sufficient stay, he was better satisfied; for I came no more out, and so he went to his quarters.

This my old acquaintance, as he had formerly been bit, and had others lived upon him, so now he only lived upon others; and though it was not above a tw [...] new month since he was a great gallant, and spent very highly with me, yet he had made hast and consu­med above 3000l. he was young enough, and as wan­ton and desirous as ever of my Company; but he knew very well I would not consent, unless there were mo­ney in the case; he being destitute of that necessary commmodity, therefore sought out for one who was better suppl [...]ed with it; he needed not to look long, neither did he, till he found one, who was now, as not long since he had been, better stor'd with money than wit, and as desirous of pleasure, being willing to have it at any rate; him he tells of a rare purchase, a Lady whom he had the happiness to be acquainted with, that was rarely handsome, of an excellent good nature, and he questioned not but she might be flexi­ble. The monyed Gallant did not ask many questi­ons, but desired by all means to see this celebrated beau­ty; for he doubted not but she must needs be hand­some, whom the other so cried up for beautiful. My old acquaintance was as willing as he to attend him to this Lady, which was my self; and therefore to me they came, and believing that confidence was the best way of speaking with me; he boldly asked to see and speak with me; pretending great business, not so much [Page 330] [...] [Page 331] [...] [Page 332] as questioning whither I lived there or no. The peo­ple of the house believing him one of my intimate ac­quaintance, directly brought him and his friend up into my Chamber.

I was somewhat surpriz'd at the sight of him; but after the first salutes, he took me to one side, and pri­vately told me all his design; and that this party whom he had brought, was a very well-monied man, and much might be squeez'd out of him. Altho [...] [...] was not yet resolved to fall to my old trade, yet [...]ow he was come, I knew not how to put him off, wherefore I indifferently entertained him, and I may very well say indifferently, because I was yet cold in my desires, and had very little appetite, however some bottles of Wine being sent for, we drank them off: and my young Gentleman being warm in his gears, began to talk a little boldly, but it was to no purpose, for I forbid all actions, and at that time he only purchased a kiss, but (that I may draw to a period to my discourse) I did not long continue so cold to him, for he bringing meat in his Mouth, good store of Gold in his Pocket, which he willingly and freely gave me, I permitted him to take all the pleasure he could receive by me.

Thus did I renue my old trade, and my old friend, who had brought this new acquaintance, finding some benefit and profit in the case; for he had money of his acquaintance, whom he had brought, as also of me, nei­ther could I at convenient times deny him the pleasure he had formerly tasted with me; he, I say, having both pleasure & profit, turned Broker for me, and brought me several Merchants, who traffiqued with me for [Page 333] pleasure, which I commonly afforded them a good pennyworth, though sometimes a dear one, for I would not deal with every ordinary fellow, and therefore was paid the better, by those who were my custo­mers.

But let me do what I could, I saved little or nothing at the months end, (years I will not say, because I was weary of this trade in six months time:) for I now had not only my self, but this my old acquaintance, and new Broker to provide for; for he finding that most of my profit came in by those he brought me, would be very bold in demanding a share with me: and his expences were so high, which he pretended, was only to bring me of the better sort of customers, that I was now poorer than ever, and he now be­came so impudent, that he would not only command my money, but my Rings, and other Jewels, which he would sell or pawn as he lifted; and indeed, it is the fortune or misfortune of all those of our quality, to be troubled with some such fellows, hangers on as we call them, or else we should or might in little time gain sufficient Estates; but as I say, commonly what we get one way, these followers spend the other, so that at length, all that we are likely to purchase, if we have not a great care, is onely a disease, which may stick long enough by us. I being fearful of this, for my Friend or Hector, I may call him both, was now grown so intemperate, that he kept all compa­nies: and if I refused him money, or a nights Lodg­ing, he would go to any other common Woman, the first he met withal, and so afterwards comming to me, I might be spoiled; to prevent this, I privately left my Lodging, and hearing of two of my own Sex [Page 334] and quality, that were going a progress into the Country to take a frollick, I made the third, and had a man as well as they to attend me; and as I expect­ed, to bear my charges; but we all reckoned without our Host, for we were basely trappand by those who went with us, and left in pawn for a reckoning that was considerable; we were in a strange place many Miles from London, and much distressed, but at length a resolution was taken, that one of us should go to London, and fetch money to redeem the rest, it fell to the lot of one of my companions, who being on her journey, had the good luck to meet with honest Gre­gory, our now companion, and he, very liberally re­lieved us, by sending money to us, whereby we had the freedom to come to our companion, and him, who attended us. She being come to this part of her Re­lation, I told her, that I heard it already by Gregory, who among other passages of his life, acquainted me with that.

Well then, replied she, if you know that account, I have little more to acquaint you with, for not long after my Arrival at London, I fortunately met with my honest friend the Drugster, and he liking me for a Mistress, and I him for a Servant or Master, which you please, agreed to obey his pleasures, he providing for me, which he hath hitherto done in a very plenti­ [...]ul manner: and I on the other side have bin as con­stant and obedient to him.


Mistress Mary having finished, Mistress Dorothy begins her Story, wherein she relates, that hav­ing left her Friends in the Country, she comes up to London, and entring her self into Ser­vice, lies with three several men, by whom she was got with Child, and so orders the matter, that all three pay well for it.

I Had given very great attention to Mrs. Maries story, and Mrs. Dorothy, (who, with me, had been the only Auditor) told her, that she had received a great deal of satisfaction; for, said she, though I have formerly heard many of your particular actions, yet I never received a perfect account till now. Nay, said Mrs. Mary, this account is far from being perfect, and is only such passages as I could at present call to mind; but indeed they are the most remarkable, and by them you may guess at the rest.

I was very well pleased with what I had heard, and being likewise desirous to be acquainted with the ad­ventures of Mrs. Dorothy, requested her to relate them to me, which she did as followeth.

Old friend, said she to me, you have great occasion to love and respect me, for the great love I have born to you and your memory; for after your departure [Page 336] [...]rom my Fathers house, I was very much afflicted for your absence, and I did believe that you intended Marriage to me, as you protested; and though my Father and Mother had often doubted of the reality of your intentions, especially, after you had so un­worthily left me, yet I still perswaded them that you would return. You know well enough, that my Fa­ther was not ignorant of our privacy, he having surpri­zed us in the manner, and you then promised to make me amends by marriage; but all the satisfaction I re­ceived, was a Copy of Verses, and 20 pieces of Gold: In the one you expressed your Wit, in the other your Generosity, for I very well knew that you might have omitted both, and not have sent either; but I suppose, you were more skillful than I, and knew that I was with Child by you, and therefore sent that mony to defray the charge I should be at on that occasion. This piece of civility of yours did put me into good hopes that you would return; and I accordingly perswaded my Father, and Mother; but time convinced me of my error: and also made it more apparent that I had been sporting with you; for my Belly swelled so, that my Mother soon resolved me that I was with Child by you.

I was very melancholly upon this occasion, but my Mother indeavoured to comfort me (for I being her only Child) she had a great deal of love for me; and knowing what was pass'd could not be helped, she took order to conceal and keep the knowledge of my mis­fortune from being publiquely known and discoursed of; Wherefore I, at her desire and directions, kept within doors, pretending a sickness, which indeed was not wholly counterfeit, in regard I much grieved for [Page 337] your absence. In this condition I spent my time, till the time of my deliverance from Child-bearing came, and then I was brought to Bed of a Boy, which was no soooner Born, but it was taken and carried from me, to a Town three miles off, to be nursed by a Woman, whom my Mother had for that purpose provided; and this was done to conceal the shame that I should or might su­stain, if it were known that I had a Child, with­out knowing who, or at least, where was the Father.

So soon as a Month was expired, I went to see the Child, the sight of which put me too much in mind of the Father; and I was then again sensibly afflicted at his absence, methoughts in that infancy there was so much resemblance of my beloved deceiver, that I kis'd the Infant not only for its own, but for the Fathers sake. I then retur­ned home agen, and now after so long a time of retirement, I began to recover, not only my strength, but some additions to my beauty; so that I having had 2 or 3 Suiters, when a Maid, who had forborn visiting me by occasion of my il­ness, they now agen renew their suits; but if I had some dislike for them before; now I could not endure them in my company, they were such ab­solute Hobbinolls. Though I was was not satisfied in their frequent visits, yet my Father and Mother press'd me, not only to accept them, but also their suit, and make choice of one of them for a Hus­band, alledging, that you would never return; and it would be not only safe, but necessary in time to bestow my self. This discourse did much [Page 338] disturb me, and I was so often troubled with my suiters, and disturbed and vexed by my Father and Mothers importunity, that I resolved to quit both, by leaving them, and therefore purposed to go to London, that I might not be troubled with the importunity of my Father and Mother; nor the troublesome visits of my sweet-hearts.

In persuance of this resolve, I fitted my self with all necessaries; and that I might not wholly di­stract my Parents by my thus leaving them, I writ a Letter of excuse, and left it for them; and so walking to the next great Town, attended the coming by of the Passage Coach, and in that got me a place to ride to London.

I continued for some time in the Inne where the Coachman set me down, and the rest of his Passengers; but knowing it would be impossible for me to continue long there, I gained acquain­tance with the Maid of the house, and told my tale to her as well as I thought convenient. She understanding that I was willing to serve, and wanted a place; and I acquainting her with my abilities, as that I could sew, wash, and starch, and do most necessary things required of a Servant, she soon procured me a Place in a house that en­tertained many Lodgers. I spent a quarter of a years time very privately and honestly in this ser­vice; but then, our house being full of Lodgers, one of them cast a wanton eye on me, and being well pleased with my face, began to court me very familiarly; although at first I opposed him and gave him nothing but slights and denials, yet he so managed his business by Presents which he [Page 339] gave me, and making use of all other opportunities that he gained his will of me, and I again entred the Lists of a Loving Combate. He took many opportunities for enjoyment, not only in the day time, but sometimes we spent whole nights in our amorous sports; and though my Mr. and Mrs. did not discover any thing of the matter, yet ano­ther Gentleman, who was also a Lodger, and lay in the next Chamber to my friends, watching me, found out my haunt; and therefore, he (being as amorous as the other) was desirous of sport, became a Suiter to me upon the same account. I absolutely deny'd him, for I thought it was e­nough to have to do with one man, and was re­solved to venture my self no further; but he taking the opportunity of the others absence, first trea­ted me with Wine, then presented me with a Ring; but all this would not do, till he in plain terms told me, that he knew very well I was not so hard hearted to every one; for were Mr. such a one, nameing my friend, there, I would not deny him the courtesie: I at first made strange of this story, and deny'd it, but he falling into plain terms with me, and telling me that he had watched me such a night, when I lay with him, I could not then deny it, neither did I long deny or refuse him what he desired; so that he likewise took his pleasure with me; and ha­ving obtained his desire at that time, he made bold with me so often as he lifted, when the other was out of the way.

I had now two Bedfellows, so that I could sel­dom lie alone, one of them would still bespeak me; [Page 340] but the first of them did not know of the second, though he knew very well of the other: Though I had sport enough with these two, yet it was not long ere a third man likewise put in for a share with them, and that was my Masters Bro­ther, he was a very pretty young man, and one whom I could well enough love for a Husband; but he looked a little higher than to Marry a Servant maid: but as a Mistress he courted me. Many attempts he made in vain, but time that bringeth every thing to pass, made me flexible, and I likewise gave him possession of the thing he desired; he took much pleasure in my company, and very respectful he was to me, often present­ing me with Linnen and Laces, and sometimes a Crown or an Angel came from his Pocket, as well a [...] from the other two, who well fed me with mony, which I still pocketed up; but as I got money, so again I got somewhat else, a great Belly, and which was the worst of my three friends, I knew not which was the Father, but if I am not mistaken, I believe it was my Masters Brother.

But I was resolved the other two should help to Father it, or else pay for it; and therefore I soon told them all three, as they had occasion to deal with me, in what condition I was. My first and oldest friend was most troubled at it, being, as he thought, the most concerned, because he knew not of any else that had to do with me; he was somewhat startled at it, lest, as he said, his Wife should come to know it; for, he was a Mar­ried man: and although his Wife came sometimes to Town, and would lie with him, yet he would [Page 341] sometimes before he went to bed to her, take his opportunity to have his pleasure with me: He, I say, was troubled at the News, but that did not hinder us in our purposed Nights lodging, only in the Intervals we considered what course to take; at length it was resolved, that he would provide for me, the time of my lying Inn, and afterwards for the Child; and in earnest of the charge, he soon gave me Twenty pound to provide me ne­cessaries. I having now done with my first Cu­stomer, was resolved to get something of my se­cond: but he still gave me the hearing, presuming on his knowledge of my having to do with the first: so that he would not on this occasion ad­vance any thing, intending to shirk off, because no body knew what trade we did drive together.

I perceiving his intention, was resolved to be even with him, and it may be out-wit him; and that he might not distrust me, I seemed no ways dissatisfied, but gave him as much freedom with me as ever; but to carry on my design, I thought good to break the business to my Masters Brother, wherefore I likewise acquainted him with my con­dition, and told him in plain terms, that I was with Child by him: He could not deny the Fact, nor make any excuse; not knowing any thing of my dealings with the other two: but he was like­wise very much surprised, but I doubting he might put me off, I took the opportunity of telling him this news, when we were in bed together, know­ing there I should have time, and conveniency to discourse it.

He knew not what to say, and indeed was very [Page 342] cold with me, and I was forced to help him out, for he was then a Suiter to a young Gentlewo­man, and was fearful that this business would hin­der his Fortunes: and though he lov'd me well enough, yet he was unwilling to Marry me; for that would prove so disadvantagious to him: he supposing that nothing but Marriage would con­tent me, was much troubled, and could not tell what answer to give: wherefore I was forced to break silence, and told him, that as I loved him, so I would shew him sufficient proofs of it, for I would not that my love should ruine him, as I knew it would, if the world should know what had passed between us; and though nothing could satisfie me but Marriage, yet I could be content to wave that, and propo [...]e somewhat else of satis­faction: nay then, said he, if you will be so kind to me, propose your own terms, and take them: I hearing him thus generous, it was not long be­fore we concluded upon terms, which were these, that he would give me Twenty pound down to bear my charges in the time of my Lying-Inn, and if the Child lived, he would give Fifty pound more to any person whom I would appoint to take the Child, and provide for it; these terms I was well enough satisfied with, only I considering that he would hear of my lying with the other, because I intended to discover that to him, and have his assistance therein, and then I doubted he would suspect me, and it may be refuse to pay the Fifty pound when due; therefore I was re­solved to have him seal a Bond to me, for pay­ment of it: and I urged him to do it out of this [Page 343] consideration, that he was to be Married: and though he now loved me well-enough, yet when he had a Wife, he would happily slight and for­get me, and so refuse or neglect to pay it. He was content to hear my arguments: and though always protested a continuance of his love to me, notwithstanding all the Wives in the World; yet he consented to give me Bond according to my desire.

Thus every thing being agreed on, we again renewed our pleasures, and spent that night, as we had done many before, But morning being come, I arose, and so managed my affairs, that I that day had a Bond Sealed to me for payment of Fifty pound to be paid in six month; I also within few dayes received of him the 20 l. he had promised me.

Thus did I order my matters with my first and last Cu [...]tomers, and I gave them their wonted satis­faction of Lying with me so often as they pleased▪ and so I did to the other my middle Customer, but do what I could, I could not bring him to any considerable Composition; and though he were the best able, yet he offered me the least, and intended to come off with a trifle; however I gave him his wonted freedom with me, but pur­posed ere long to be even with him, as I was.

For one night being in Bed with my Masters Brother; I having very well pleased him, he tal­ked of his little Hains in Kelder, the Boy in my Belly, wishing very well to it, not in the least doubting but it was of his own begetting, using many words to that purpose: well Sir, said I, [Page 344] it is very true, it is yours, but if I would have been as free with others as I have been with you, it might have had more, if not another Father; and thereupon I proceeded, and told how that I had been often importuned by Mr. such a one, his Brothers Lodger, and my Second Bedfellow. Well replyed [...]e, I am the more beholding to you, that you have accepted of me rather than him; but though I am not at all dissatisfied in what I have done, I wish he had been the Father for your sake as well as mine, for you may com­pel him to Marriage, or else get a considerable sum of money from him. As for Marriage, said I, I doubt I should hardly draw him to it, but some momes I might get of him, and would yet, if you will consent to it, and assist me therein. To this he answered, that in any thing I should desire, he would not be wanting, and therefore he bid me propound the way, and he would not fail in his assistance: I then told him, that I knew but one way to do it, and in that I must Play the disloyal wag with him, to do that which I had no mind: for that matter, said he, you shall have my consent, and I think I guess at your meaning, which is, that you must agree to let him lye with you; wherefore since it will be so advantagious to you, let him do it; for I am sure he can do me no great wrong, for notwithstanding what he can do, the Child will be all mine, of my own getting.

He being so free to it, and agreeing to all things according to my desire, we resolved that I should permit my second Sweet-heart to lye with me; but I should so order the matter, that he should take us in the manner, and then we [Page 345] would agree to act the rest very well. I now having laid my plot very well, and orderly, I ap­pointed my time when I would lye with him, and agreed to leave the Chamber door open, that he, rising early the next morning, might (pre­tending some business) enter the Chamber, and find us in Bed together. Our Plot being thus laid, and my Second Sweet-heart desiring it, I promised to come to Bed to him about midnight, which I did; but my Masters Brother knowing of my design, was resolved to have the first car­ving of me, and that he should only have a but­ter'd Bun; and therefore caused me to lye with him all the former part of the night; but mid­night being past, he permitted me to proceed in my adventure. I was expected by my Bedfellow, and accordingly entertained; but I minding the de­sign I was about, awaked early in the morning, and so ordered the matter, that my Bedfellow likewise threw of his drowsiness to encounter with me in our nocturnal pastime, which when he had done, I began to discourse him, reasoning the cause with him, and desiring him to resove me what he would do for me in that condition I was, and what provision he would make for me. He gave me indifferent answers, and I grew passionate with him, and on a sudden the Chamber door opened, and my Masters Brother entred the room. I see­ing this, left of speaking, and crouded my self close down into the Bed, as if pretending to hide my self; but he coming boldly on, bid my Bed­fellow Good morrow, and asking him a que [...]tion, came nearer the Bed-side, and drawing the Cur­tains, [Page 346] said, what have you a Bedfellow? No said he, [...] I; surely said the other you have, for I am mistaken if I did not hear some other tongue than yours, the other deny [...]d it, but he knowing well enough what he had to do, soon found out where my Petticoats lay: How, said he, surely you have a Bedfellow, and that a Female one; the other be­ing thus surprized, knew not what to say: Where­fore my Mr. B [...]other proceeding, said, surely I should know these Coats, for if I am not mistaken, they are our Mai [...] Dorothys. I finding my self discovered, now appeared, and in the first place beg'd his pa [...]rdon, and that he would not acquaint my Master and Mistress with it. He seeming very angry, soundly ratled me and my Bedfellow, and said he, This is not the first time that you two have lain together, for I have long suspected you, and have watched you. Truly Sir, said I, it is true, this Gentleman hath long knew me, but I pray you make no more words at present, and for modesty sake leave the Chamber, and I will anone satisfie you further in every particular. My Bedfellow likewise requesting the same, very civilly left us, shutting the door after him. My Bedfellow was much surprized at this sudden accident, and I seem­ed to be so; and quickly getting on my cloaths, arose and left him, retiring into my own Chamber, leaving him to consider of it.

I having now done my business, by having a witness of my lying with him, was bold with him, to know what I should do in the case; For, (said I) my Masters Brother will certainly acquaint my Master and Mistress with our actions, and then [Page 347] I must leave the house, and whether to go, I know not, nor who will entertain me. He argued that the other, my first Sweet-heart, must provide for me; to this I told him, that I believed he would do some­what for me, but he had a Wife, and could not do what he listed, whereas he on the contrary was a single man, and rich enough; and he still endea­vouring to put me off, and lay all upon the first, I in plain terms told him, That if he continued to say so, I would wholly deny my dealings with the other, and though he should avouch it▪ yet he would not be believed, he being a party guilty, as could be proved by my Masters Brother; and therefore it would be judged by all, that he, and he alone, was the Father of the Child and would be forced to Marry me, or at least provide for me and the Child. I having told him my resolution, left him to consider of it, and then my M [...]sters Brother came to him, and he and I together, so ordered the matter, that he gave me 20l. down, and gave me Bond to pay 50l. more at the Birth of the Child. This, said Mrs. Dorothy, was the first of my Adventures.

And this shall be the last I shall relate to you in this part, referring the prosecution of her [...] and other adventures, to a Third Part.


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