TIS not my design so much to consult the Persons or Capaci­ties of those to whom I ad­dresse my Vindication, as the [Page 4] Qualities and Occasions of those whose Patronage I have undertaken. The Imperti­nence of the Detractours, de­serves not satisfaction, but the Demeanours of the Slandered do necessarily exact a Cloak.

I am not ignorant with what resentment my Clyents will entertain an Advocate of their own Alliance Had it been an Exotick, or an unac­quaintance, their longanimity might have brib'd their longer Ears to an Audience; but 'tis not their custome to relish a [Page 5] tedious acquaintance, neither do they love to hear their own.

I pretend not an Apology for Ladies, against whom the clamours of the people cannot raise a scandal of prevalence, the down-right language (which proves usually succes­ful with others) becoming uneffectual with Ladies of a Court Complexion; Since the Raylery of the Vulgar, and the Pourtraicture of a Satyrist (though never so much dis­playing them) must alike de­spair to make them blush, who [Page 6] can alwaies put a good Face upon it. I do not enterprise then a description of those; they alone can paint themselvs in their proper Colours.

But although I may not presume to obtrude upon the World a Vindication of La­die's Repute, yet I shall not make so far a digression from them, as to leave the Courtiers (their Proselites and Appen­dixes) unexcus'd, and to omit an Apology for those in whose faces 'tis most usual to cast dirt. 'Tis my ayme to [Page 7] wipe those whom the Rout bespatter; and to new shadow them whose honour is eclip­sed; and herein I cannot de­spond of good reception; For how can they, with whom a painted sace is so attractive, disgust a draught that so much resembles them?

The first allegation where­with people keep their tongues in action, and amuse themselvs into wonder, is the exorbi­tancy of Array and Attire ex­pensive beyond the precincts of their annual sufficiencies. [Page 8] Whereas I cannot but admire that men should so much scandal their own judgments, as to libel and decry the Cour­tiers good Apparel, since rich Attire is more dispensable and of a cheaper bargain with them, whose wits go still a wooll gathering.

The next, forsooth, where­with we are acquainted, is a Gallimaffry of Nations from whence the Court derives a Motley Countenance, repre­senting Babel in its Epitome, compos'd of nothing but the [Page 9] confusion of Languages. No, no, those whose inclinations are so biass'd towards Females, must unavoidably affect their Mother tongue. But what though there were a mixture of Speeches? Methinks that should not give occasion of disgust to those (whose Palats seldom disrelish an Oleo or Kickshaw) the Court it self being nothing else but a French dish A diversity of Language in White-hall, is not (I hope) grown inexcusable; especi­ally since there is large amends [Page 10] made for their difference in Tongues, by their agreement in thought, and their being of one mind, each man having resolvedly determined to de­fraud his Master.

The next thing whereby our Slanderers animate others to the disaffecting of Courti­ers, is A pretence of Bribery and Extortion; in that they weigh not what disposure they make of places, 'cause they are procured by pounds, giving occasion to some of prophesying, that the Court [Page 11] will Break, 'cause Offices fall to Pieces. But had they not more mind to cavil, than re­ceive satisfaction, they might acquiesce in consideration of the necessity of such Trans­actions, assuring themselves that there must needs be Cor­ruption, where the Court is compos'd of such a Generation. And what though there be Corruption? Yet 'tis a Place of little infection; the Itch be­ing the distemper most reg­nant, which renders them so desirous to be scratch'd, and for [Page 12] which we can prescribe no better a Remedy than a Purga­tion. As for the Gout, the Plague in the Purse is not onely a prevention of that, but anti­dotes all other Malignities.

Nor doth their next asper­sion more participate of vera­city; they themselves becom­ing injurious unto truth, while they challenge Courtiers of in­justice, and disregard of me­rits, in the conferring either reward or punishment. For did they not proposito hood­wink themselves, how easily [Page 13] might they be convinc'd of a contrary deportment? since the Courtiers are so ambitious (ad amussim) to resemble Ju­stice it self, that their distributi­ons are made with the most accurate Blindnesse.

The fifth Stratagem where­by they work easie Ignorance into Credulity, is to lay defici­ency of Almes at the Courtiers door, and to cast want of Charity into his Dish. Perswa­ding men into an apprehensi­on that they are Charitable to themselves alone. For the [Page 14] silencing this Calumny, we might tell them that charitie begins at home. But alas, this is but the beginning of Charity, whereas that of Courtiers is gone farther, and come even to it's utmost End.

And next (lest peradventure their Learning and Knowledg might stipulate either for their pretended Crimes or Defici­encies) They are indicted of Ignorance and contempt of Literature. Whereas, how easily are they acquitted from this Slander and Impeach­ment? [Page 15] In that it is impossible with sound reason to accuse them of Ignorance, who are, each man, able to confound the wise, the Court it self be­ing the very confusion of wis­dome. Nor doth it lesse par­take of absurditie, to asperse them with neglect of Learn­ing, who are so much addicted to Books; each Shopkeepers Book can shew it.

That it is not Conscience, but Interest, (whatsoever ap­pearances they make) which raises these Clamours, to the [Page 16] Infamy of the Court; and that their Concernments prompt them to these accusa­tions, is easily visible in the next Impeachment; wherein we have Courtiers represented as backward in discharging all debts, (except those that Wo­men demand) insomuch that Creditours are necessitated to that incivility of dunning them at their Lodgings. Alas, how miserably do our Accu­sants mistake themselves, in alledging that for a Crime, which I am ready to produce [Page 17] in their Vindication? For in this demeanour of Courtiers, I apprehend nothing else than honesty in the engaging them­selves to an acknowledgment of their Debts, it being im­possible for them to refuse the Child when 'tis brought home to their own Doors. But we shall not gratifie our Adversa­ries so far, as to confesse the fact, since this scandal of re­missenesse in paying Debts is unmeasurably false; Neither do Courtiers trouble their scores to be brought home, [Page 18] but meet them half way, and generously discharge them in the middle. Let not then any mis-reports excite their Cre­ditours to mistrust, or Jealou­sie, since I dare safely pro­nounce them no Cheats; For there must unavoydably be honest Dealing, where there is so much Shuffling.

The eighth Cavillation whereby the Courtier is ex­pos'd to Censure and Mispri­sion, is Pride, and a violent Ambition of being admir'd. Whereas, could we withdraw [Page 19] the vizard of Spleen and Male­volence, we should have a prospect of qualities of ano­ther Complexion, and we might easily behold them courteous, loving and af­fable, courting their own sha­dowes, and complementing the very looking-glasse. And as for their desire of being wonder'd at, there is no such thing; For they have now taken the course to save others the expense of admiration, since they have learnt each man sufficiently to admire himself.

[Page 20] Partiality is the next which is foysted in to make up the number of the pretended Crimes of Court. Whereas the most superficial scruting will convince us, that with Courtiers there is no respect of Persons; In that they can passe by their old and intimate Ac­quaintance, without taking the least cognizance or notice of them.

Nor is it the Courtiers hap­pynesse to be the Object of these Scandals alone; but they are also traduc'd for not being [Page 21] stock'd with Loyalty propor­tionable to their Promotions, as not having shar'd in those sufferings which sunk the old Cavaliers. But an easie Vin­dication will expunge this ob­loquy, and undeceive the a­bused multitude, by signifying to them, That the Persons now preferr'd, have been, and are the greatest sufferers, suffer­ing the greatest Crimes to be acted under their Nose; with impunity. Neither have they been (if well consider'd) lesse loosers. The Kings old Soul­diers [Page 22] lost indeed their Estates and Fortunes, but these have lost their honesty in his Maje­stie's service.

Much stir there is, about the quarrelsome disposition reg­nant in the Court, which in­disposeth men for peace upon the least foul language; And 'tis accounted vanity in Courtiers to stand so much upon their ho­nour. But these dis-resentments are taken up without cause, and the occasion will not justifie the Cavil: For as to the first, they are so little addicted to take [Page 23] exceptions at foul language as that they delight in nothing more, insomuch that 'tis not without some reason, many of them are thought to have been begotten in the Stewes; their Discourse being made up of nothing else but ribaldry. And as for the other, I think they have reason to stand upon their honour, whose carriage is the onely cause that 'tis so much trodden under foot. Besides, their Bickerings and Duels (which give greatest disgust) will be more pardonable if well con­sidered, [Page 24] for they do not (as we erroneously apprehend) fight to vindicate good repute, and hono­rable name, but meerly out of a design to get one, because they are conscious they never had a­ny before.

'Tis alleadg'd moreover, that they much in poverish his Ma­jesty by importuning his Reve­nues, and procuring his Man­nors for themselves, it being thought necessary that that King must needs be poor, whose Courtiers are al [...] Beggers. But this is but an inconsiderable [Page 25] detraction, and 'tis hop'd the future proceedings of the Court will give it the Lye; especially since some have given them a good example, by taking a course not to scandal the Court by open begging from the King, but by private, both taking from him and their brethren.

Again, the undecency of their Carriage, made up of so many ridiculous gestures, ac­companied with the continual motion and coranto of the legs & head, and attended with po­stures too light for the gravity [Page 26] of a Court; becomes the next Impeachment. But I do not conceive what other Behavi­our we can expect: How can we hope for any other carriage than what is compos'd of An­tick tricks, since the French have supply'd us with such a genera­tion of Apes? Insomuch, that many suppose Aesop's experi­ment might afford his Majesty very good divertisement; and that the scattering of a Bagge of Nuts would shew him all his Court together by the Ears.

The next thing wherewith [Page 27] the people vex themselves, is the Courtiers youthful Indis­cretion, and their assumed locks of borrowed hayre: As to the first, 'tis true they are generally young in countenance, but their brains do much partici­pate of gravity and age, for I'me sure they are worme-eaten. And as for the last, it finds an obvi­ous Apology, since there is such a Correspondence between Periwiggs and their heads, which being so furnished with news, are nothing else but so many Barbers Shops.

[Page 28] But all this while we have not question'd their Religion, which the mis-apprehensions of the vulgar deem to be none at all, or (at least) nearly ally'd to Popery. Here I could wish my Apology might find accep­tance, and that I might not be esteemed partial in my attempt­ing to justifie their Divinity both in it's Practise and Theo­ry. If I may be credited then, I can assure the Reader, that they are so far from being of no Re­ligion, as that they are of all, and so far from running into the old [Page 29] one from whence we re­form'd, as that 'tis to be hop'd they have found a newer way to Heaven than the Word of God, since they can laugh at Scripture and deride a Sermon. Nor is their practical Theology far behind their Speculative; for 'tis expected every day that they will enter into a course of repentance, they are so addicted to whoring; and that lying will be out of fashion, they are so given to swearing.

As for Popery, 'tis true they seem inclinable thereunto; [Page 30] since while they prostitute their devotion, and address their zeal to an handsome face, they do (with Papists) nothing but a­dore a Picture. But yet I dare defie the Intromission of Ro­mish Rites into our Court, especially since the Ladies bear such a resolved antipathy to Nuns.

Hitherto have I been the Ad­vocate of their Religion; If the Reader hath a desire to know more, let him consult their Fa­ces, which speak them (in some sense) Saints, in that it presents [Page 31] many (like the Almanack) in red letters; and others of more handsome features in the re­semblance of those Saints they worship, viz. Ladies; for their faces as well as their manners pronounce them effeminate: Only there lies this difference between their Visages and those of the Ladies, that the countenance of these, when amisse, is either patch'd up from their own boxes, or sup­ply'd from the Painter's Shop; Whereas the Courtiers face, when it hath got a brack, may [Page 32] be recruited by a Brazier.

I hope my reserving the en­comium of their faces to the posteriors of my Vindication, will not make them discoun­tenance the rest; but rather by their wincking at this hysteron proteron, engage the farther en­deavours of their inconsidera­ble Advocate