THE GROANES AND PANGUES OF TIBVRNE, To be delivered of her long expected burthen: That bloudy, monstrous, cruell, and mischievous Parliament, now at Westminster, dissembling with God, the King, the Country and City.
Printed at the Mayors Banqueting house near Tyburne, in the yeare of the Saints feare, 1648.
The groanes and pangs of Tyburne, &c.
I Tyburne the ancient and metropolitan [...] of all England, having a long time weeped and mourned for my due, the Parliament, but now finding (by reason of the Stars under which they sit) that their Glasse is runne, and their thred is cut; I have put my house in order, and my selfe in mourning, to entertaine my long expected Guests, upon whom I doe intend to bestow much cost at their funerall; and for their security that I take care of them, let them but enquire whether I have not provided great long peeces of horsedownes bisket, which is made of the best hempe those Confectioners could provide, many of them having kept it by them this 7 yeares for my use, knowing well what a banquet I should have neede of when it pleased their Father Pluto to send them to me.
And now I shall give you a note of the names of all my attendants, and Officers which are to wait upon me that day, and a briefe description of their abilities, and Offices in my Pallace of Tyborne, or my Citty Court at Tower-hill.
First I doe appoint my new-come gallant Mr. upstart Skippon with his large Legges porter at my hall doore at Tyborne, because I know he can keepe a doore very well for the cause, so long as they have money to make a key with, though it be against his Lawfull King, Countrey, and Conscience, and truly he is very ingenious; that I do intend to send him (when my work and service is ended) to Serberus to be his Deputy Jaylor, to keepe an accoumpt, and receive money of all his old acquaintance and fellow Rebells here, which I am sure will not be long after him, many of which will be so forward to overtake [Page 4]him that they will take water and drowne themselves rather then take my passe here at Tyborne under my sonne Gregoryes hands: the man is of knowne fidelity to me ever since he caused workes to be made about me to destroy those which never must nor wil be mine, though he hath plundred them of all they had; yet were they so honest that for one Cavalier that came to me this seven yeares there hath 20 Roundheads, and poore men I was glad to satisfie their stomacks, and stop their hungers when he would not give them a penny of their pay which he received, but sent their moneys to maintaine his wife, and her Leaguer Lads in the Low-Countreys: and truely my sonne Gregory hath cause to thanke my cozen Glyn for sending him so many Parliament Saints to feast with me at severall times, upon whom they bestowed many good suites of cloaths, with shirts which had been Surpleses, and borrowed of Sir John the parishe Priest, to keepe the skinne of the Saints from wollen, besides Ladys smocks, aprons, and handkerchers, which they borrowed without the consent of the owner, and translated them into bands, cuffes, and boote-hose-tops, and if you will not believe me goe and search his wardrope.
Next I do appoint that well willer to murder, and sonne of Sedition and treason John Warner Usher of my hall to walke before my guests at the funerall, in his Gowne of Crimson colour, because I know he loves a garment dyed in bloud better then a white Surples, and since his imployment will be great, I doe appoynt him three Deputyes, men of his owne temper and Religion, whose names I shall give you, Foulkes, Wollaston, and Andrewes, pritty men, serviceable, and well seene in such imployment, and because they may do it with more safety, I do appoint all the braud headed Citizens (but especially those which have the spirit, and can unfold the Scripture for three howers together) to attend upon me that day with their mouthes full of the spirit, their hearts full of revelation, and their hands full of blood, to slat all opposers in the face with either spirit, revelation or blood, that so Justice may bee done on their favours, as that she divine Mrs. Lambe, very methodically called them, when shee was in her two handed revelation [Page 5]at Dukes place, upon the first day of the weeke, some three weekes since at a meale mans house.
Next I doe appoint that justler of the Peace, who lives at the Beare by the Bridge foot, the Yeoman of my Wineseller, whose drawing and spirituall administration of it, will infuse such holinesse into the cup, that if a Saul be drunke with it, hee may lie with his neighbours wife, or his owne mayds, or his owne daughter, as Lot did with his, and commit no sinne: and if a childe should chance to be begot by this meanes, it is no great matter, it is but a babe of grace, and came of the seede of the faithfull, and God sees no sin in Israel, nor no transgression in Jacob, as was very spiritually held out by that two handed preacher of the gospell Mr. Nonsence Kiffin, upon the Lords day in Coleman street.
Next I doe appoint my old seasoned sonne of sedition Col. Pride, to be Yeoman of my beere seller; a man well seene in beere and ale if the Welsh doe not cheate me of his service, but I feare me if they doe they will take him for some Hog fed very high with graines, he smells so strongly on them; if he comes home he will not be a graine too light for my sonne Gregory.
Next I doe appoint that Butcher Rainsborow Yeoman of my pantry, because he was allwayes bred in a Scullery at Hull, or at Sea, and knowes very well how to cubberd up victuals very well, and now should the House but turne Cooke as they have beene Butchers for this seven yeares, he would be sure to cheat the broken bread and meat-men, of who the Houses in their little charity could afford the poore prisoners; therefore I do not much care if I offer a challenge betwixt Mariot of Grays-Inne and him, being both men of tall stomacks.
Next I doe appoynt that vessell of dreeping hogges head of tallow, that bundle of grease, Whaley, to be the Yeoman of my scullery, for his wife and he very well knowe how to sell and cry Kitchingstuffe, and truely it feares me you will see him and his wife at their old trade againe; the wife with a tub, and he with a club or goad driving swine to the markets; but my son Gregory sweares hele whip him about the pig market ere long.
Next I doe appoynt that hell-hound of Pluto, that child of [Page 6]the Divell, that bundle of Rebellion, that parcell of perfidiousnesse, that Canniball for cruelty, Hammon, Steward of my house, who doth not care to sell his God, poyson his King, devoure Kingdomes, breake trusts, disregard promises, and spit in the face of a good conscience.
Next I doe appoynt John Browne and Henry Elsinge Clearks of my Kitchen, which all the Kingdome knowes are very well practised in the rules of addition, having studied it this seaven yeeres, being very confident they will keepe accounts as well to please me, as they have for the now diseased Parliament; I am so wel conceited on them, that had the Parliament but voted they themselves had never been borne of a woman, they would have believed them, and set their hands to it.
Next I doe appoynt that lumpe of lewdnesse, that scum of covetousnesse, that list of a Taylor, whose yard was too short for his neighbours wife, Mrs. what shall I call her, he knowes who I meane, the Haberdashers wife on Snow hill; you Mr. Coxe, you I say shall be Yeoman of my Roabes, being you have been my sonne Gregories chapman for many cloathes shifted at my Pallace at Tyburne, before you were Treasurer of Haberdashers hall.
Next I doe appoynt my long Attendant Gregory my Cooke, and doe leave him to his discretion to dresse, lanch, carve, or set out head, bowells, heart, liver, armes, shoulders, back, breast, loynes, thighs, legges and feet, to be safe powdred, pickled, stewed, rosted, sodden, broyled, or hanged up of all my Parliament men, but especially of Manchester, Say, Wharton, Lenthall, Mildmay, Corbet, Scot, Martin, Perpoint, Weaver, Eveling. Selden; but for Haslerigge I need make no great provision for or with him, since Jockey will provide him a Cooke in Edenburrough very shortly, will dresse him up with Woodcock sauce; but I pray thee have a care and see these well drest that the Kingdome may say they have not parted with their wealth and blood, but have seen something for it.
Next I doe appoint that murder King, that impudent arch Traytor, that stall bird Cobler, that quintessence of hellishnes that child of perdition, that sonne of Belial, that sinner again [...] [Page 7]the holy Ghost, that Antitrinitarian, Rolfe, who is mine without mercy, and the Divells decreed of old, before the creation, and is to go to hell without baile or mainprize, to be my Messenger to go betwixt hell and my hall to see how the Parliaments adherents doe the Divels worke, and what store of them doe intend repentance, and to carry letters for the Divels in hell to all his deare sonnes upon earth, and when all the Rebell Faction are either gone to the Divell, or repented and are gone to God Almighty; I doe assigne him the labour of Sisiphus, the torment of Tantalus, and no other comfort but what a wounded conscience can administer unto such a wretch, nor no other company but the infernall spirits; who will watch that black soule, which is more blacke then any soule which he put upon shoe in his life?
Next I doe appoynt Patience, Kifen, Lambe, Goodwine, and Dell, my Chaplaines at ordinary to preach to all the congregation that belong to me, being very sure that the whole Army is mine, and will come to me in spite of Loyalty and true obedience: Therefore to confirme them the Divells and mine, I charge all who belong to the Pope, the Divell, Antichrist, and me, to heare and practise their doctrine, as they will answer it to me and my sonne Gregory; and for all my Chaplaines extraordinary, as Peeters, Love, Burges, Sedgwicke, and Case; I hope they will not be backward in doing me duty, since they have such good quarter already provided from them with my Cousen Pluto; and for Peeters he is made Pims Chaplaine, whensoever he will but call to me for a passe, I have promised my sonne Gregory shall set both his hands that he may go without let or hinderance, and for Patience my Lord Brookes wants him, and is very angry that his coach man doth not come after him to hell, since he hath a full congregation of Parliament Saints there ready, and for Hambden and Stroud they cannot chuse but stand in neede of them, I feare they cannot get an Independent Priest in all their Countrey of hell; but I believe great Henderson of Scotland serves them sometime with spunfuls of Presbytery, Burton and Burrowse being really sworne Pluto's Chaplaines cannot be spared from his Table.
Tyburnes speech to the standers by at the Funerall of the Parliament, as followeth.
I have a word or two to say to you standers by, by the way of admonition, which is, that you take heed of false Prophets, who will leade you into blinde zeale, which when you are so, it is like mettle in a blinde horse, you rush upon all manner of sinne as a horse doth into the battle, not regarding what sinne you commit, and the Divell goeth about like a roaring Lyon, seeking whom he may devoure, and cares not which way he hath you, so he have you by hypocritical profession of Religion, as well as by drunkennesse, swearing, whoring, and Murdering; and I must say to you, the Divell doth never more deceive, then when he appeares like an Angel of light: Take heed lest Religion eate up your Loyalty as it hath done all those which you are come to see interred, it is many of the Priests have brought them to this. God the Sonne commands to put up the sword when it was drawne in passion, and they command to draw the word when there is neither Religion, Law, nor reason to defend them in this their hellish designes; they are the Divels children whose worke they doe, and now I admonish you to take warning by these. Rebell not against your God, your King, your Countrey, upon any pretence whatsoever, lest yee likewise perish, which the God of mercy keepe you from, so prayes Tyburne.