Pope Alexander the 6th: was over-joyed to ſee that in his dayes ſuch a naked and an excellent part of the World as is America, was found out; I have far more reaſon to rejoyce becauſe that in my days things of greater concernment that relate to Heaven and Happineſs have been ſearcht out, and happily diſcovrred; the Holy Maſs is found to be hid in a corner of holy Scripture. The Maſs in holy Scripture! quoth the Cardinall full of admiration, how can that be? I know not how many have been enquiring for it there, and have turned over every page to ſee whether they could ſpy any appearance of it in that place, and as Obadiah ſaid to Elijah concerning Ahab, There is no Nation or Kingdom (whither my Lord hath not ſent to ſeek thee, and when they ſaid he is not there, he took an Oath of the Kingdom and Nation that they found thee not; thus as I may ſay our holy men have dealt with the Scripture, and the Maſs; there is ſcarce a page or a Verſe that hath been diligently examin'd and enquired into, and when our Holy and Religious Brethren have ſeen no ſhape of the Maſs in Scripture themſelves, they have as it were taken an Oath from the Prophets and Evangeliſts that they found it not: but all their ſtudy & enquiry hath been hitherto to ſo little purpoſe, ſo that they have at laſt freely confeſt, that the Maſs is only to be found in our Old ſtorehouſe of rotten Traditions: It maybe that theſe ſacred Books were not yet neer the time of their full Delivery, or it may be that a wiſe and experienced Midwife was wanting till now to help into the world the birth of this great miſtery from holy Scripture; doubtleſs this noted production was reſerved for theſe happy and refined dayes; but may it pleaſe your good Holineſs to tell me who is that man, or rather who is that Angel that hath made this admirable diſcovery? It is replied, the Pope, a ſecular Prieſt named Father Patrick, who is Inveſted with a rich Abbey, worth five hundred pounds a year, ſcituate in Burgundy, which I have granted unto him in conſideration of the notable ſervices that he hath rendred unto me amongſt the Engliſh Hereticks: he hath promis'd to proceed further, and is engaged by my liberallity to be mindfull of my Intereſt, and I am perſwaded that there is none ſo able to ſettle my Concerns in that Kingdom; for amongſt the Ladies I underſtand that he is in an high eſteem, becauſe of the excellency of his Naturall parts; he wants no Impudency to uſher him into every place, and to cauſe him to thruſt himſelf into every buſines, and his noſe into every matter. He can alſo make uſe of pious frauds, and Religious Cheats in an excellent manner, and with fair promiſes; gain many a good proſelite. I am certain there is never a famous & a noted Curtiſan or Religious Votary in the Kingdom, but he hath by his ſubtilty drawn to me and my holy Church; Not to mention the multitudes of Iriſh whom he hath poſſeſt with a blind reſolution of obeying my Orders, nor the ſimple Engliſh, that he hath bewitcht with the vain hopes of future preferment, pleaſure, happineſs, and his Ptieſtly favour; I muſt needs acknowledg that he is a moſt admirable man to manage my Concerns with Diſcretion; he is no leſs ſuctesful as appears by his late Initmation of bringing to paſs the totall and entire converſion of men, able to byaſs all things for me in that Kingdom, and to promote my long deſigned purpoſe: It is true he hath loſt ſomething of his good Reputation amongſt the ſilly and preciſe Puritans, the fantaſtick Proteſtants, by being too free of his perſon in a publick Baudy-houſe in Holland, and by viſiting thoſe of London too often, and more then I have allowed him: but this reputation he makes good, and raiſes again amongſt the better ſort of men, by helping them to a Whore in time of need; Theſe things I do approve of, I have granted the liberty of ſuch actions to all holy and Religious men of his Order, and to the reſt of my Clergy, Clergy, for I am of my predeceſſors good opinion, let St. Paul ſay what he will, that the moſt regenerate and pious Chriſtians as well as the men of the world muſt and do burn with the flames of Luſt, and Fornication, and may ſometimes taſt a little of the forbidden Fruit: I would rather have him do ſo, then commit Matrimony, becauſe by this meanes he is very gracious with the generallity of brave Fellows of the Time, and he may by this proceeding be better able to do me ſervice; for men commonly love the Religion that approves and allows the fulfilling of our deſires; but when theſe little Piccadillos, Veniall Sins, acts of his humanity ſhould have diſgraced him, and his name amongſt the ſottiſh Vulgar that cannot underſtand how that the things, that I permit and confirm by my example, become Vertuous when St: Peter whoſe Succeſſor I am ſhould have ſaid the contrary, and proclaimed them to be Vices. He hath done enough to deſerve our eſteem for ever, for he hath found the Maſſe in Holy Scripture. This diſcovery will do us a great deal of good, it will confirm our indulgence, approve of our grants of liberty to ſin; It will ſecure and fortifie our Monaſtrical Garriſons, and inſpire into our noble Monks an invincible courage; It will defeat and deſtroy all the enemies of our State and Kingdom, 1 Cor. 3. 15. In a word, I am in hopes that this new and ſeaſonable diſcovery will furniſh me with that by which I ſhall be able to maintain the Authority of St. Peter's Keyes in the World, to enlarge my vaſt Dominions, to embelliſh the palaces of pleaſure where Peter took his delight, and where I have caus'd his name to be engraven as teſtimones that I have them from him to encreaſe my Guards that are not neer ſo numerous as thoſe that did wait upon St. Peter when he went from place to place to publiſh the Goſpel to maintain his Triple Crown that In the Caſtle of St. Angelo and elſewhere St. Peter's Name is engraven. he hath left me in poſſeſſion. It is very well quoth the Cardinal if it be true; but I am in doubt whether it be ſo, and that when the diſcovery be examin'd, it will be found as vaine and groundleſs as your Temporall power upon thoſe words, here are two Swords, or your Holineſſes preeminency and Infallibility upon that other Text, It ſhall lead you into all truth, for your Holineſs knows as you did lately avow, that unleſs your poſſeſſion were ſtronger, and more aparant than your Right, you ſhould never obtaine what you now enjoy. Your Holineſs is obliged to the Ignorance of the Times, and the ſharpneſs of your Sword for your Dignity, Infallibility and Papal power, and not to any weak Text of holy Scripture. It is true anſwered the Pope, but this diſcovery is not to be doubted of, and Father Patrick hath convinced me by ſending to me a Bible turn'd into French by the Doctors of Lorrain printed at Paris 1664. for in the 3 ch. verſe 2. of Acts, theſe bleſſed words are to be read of the Apoſtles ſaying Maſs to the Lord; Although this Tranſlation be in French, it is no leſs uſeful to England, for that Nation naturally loves, admires, and embraces whatſoever appears to them in a French garb and countenance let it be never ſo rediculous. It is eaſie to put the words into Engliſh as I underſtand Father Patrick hath already done, and confirmed it by the Tranſlation of the Engliſh Jeſuites of Rheims, who have done ſomething more, for they have very well mingled their holy Gloſs with the obſcure Text of Scripture, ſo that we may with eaſe find in it all our Doctrines in expreſs words. Sure ſaith the Cardinal, this Father Patrick hath moſt excellent Spectacles of an admirable temper, ſeeing they have made him perceive things altogether Inviſible, for I have often read that paſſage, but I muſt needs confeſs my dulneſs, and the dimneſs of my ſight, and my Ignorance. I could never perceive any ſuch thing, nor Imagine that the words could be ſo Tranſlated, for I find in the Greek Text 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 , where I have always Imagined that the Word 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 did ſignifie to Miniſter, and ſerve: Now the ſervice and Miniſtry Intended is to be known only by the circumſtances of the Diſcourſe; the Latine Tranſlations do thus render the words, Miniſtrantibus illis Domino, and the Verſion of Louvain in French, Eux ſervans en leur Miniſtere au Seigneur, that is, they ſerving in their Miniſtry to the Lord: the very Sequel of St. Lukes diſcourſe diſcovers what he means by this ſervice, and the Miniſtration, for he ſpeaks of certain perſons, amongſt whom were Barnabas, and Paul, that whiles they were, 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 , miniſtring unto the Lord, when they had Faſted, the Holy Ghoſt warned them to ſeparate from them Barnabas and Paul for the work unto which he had called them; therefore he adds, when they had faſted and prayed, they laid their hands upon them, and ſent them away; where the words when they had faſted and prayed, do ſufficiently diſcover the end and accompliſhment of the Miniſtration attributed unto theſe men. From whence we may eaſily conclude, that St. Luke underſtands by their prayer and faſting, acts of Devotion, the accompliſhmnt of what he had ſpoken of, when he tells of theſe perſons, that they were 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 . The Syrian Tranſlation and the Arabick do diſcover the Evangeliſts meaning, for they have rendred theſe words, 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 , whilſt they were praying; beſides, we may conſider the quality and employments of theſe men concerned, St. Luke tells us that they were Prophets and Doctors; It is therefore to be ſuppoſed that when he ſayes that they were 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 and Faſting, that they were employed about the Functions and Offices proper to their Callings; that is, they did miniſter unto the Lord by prophecying and teaching, and that afterwards they did Faſt and pray to obtain Gods bleſſing upon their Labours and Teaching. I am certain Cajetan favours this Interpretation, for he ſpeaks thus upon this Text: The nature of their ſervice and miniſtry is not here mentioned, but becauſe St. Luke names them Prophets and Deacons▪ we are to underſtand that their Miniſtry was performed by teaching, and preaching. Untill this moment, may it pleaſe your Holineſs, I was of the opinion of Cajetan, that theſe words do repreſent the Apoſtles employed about the duties of their Function, and that they did miniſter to the Lord by teaching and preaching the word to the people, by adminiſtring the Sacraments, and by other acts of piety and devotion. I beſeech your Holineſs to make me underſtand more perfectly this diſcovery, and how this Reverend Prieſt hath found the Maſs in theſe words, and wherefore he hath given to them this Interpretation: I can't very well tell you replyed the Pope. I don't much trouble my ſelf to underſtand the Scripture, nor to ſeek into the Original Text: You know very well that theſe ſacred books have no better nor more Honourable place aſſigned them in our publick Aſſemblies, but my footſtool, for I am above all Holy Scripture; I muſt not therefore ſo much abaſe my ſelf and my dignity to pry and ſearch into it with too much curioſity, as if I were to depend only upon that: but Il' tell you as I conceive, how he comes to make this good Diſcovery: He is by profeſſion one of my Prieſts, whoſe employment is daily to Tranſubſtantiate the Bread and the Wine into the Body and Blood of Chriſt. By degrees he is become ſuch an excellent Artiſt in the Miſtery of Tranſubſtantiation, that he hath found out an expedient how to Tranſubſtantiate alſo this and other paſſages of Holy Scripture, and change the words Miniſtring unto the Lord, into theſe, ſaying Maſs unto the Lord. I am very well pleaſed with his Ingenuity, and no body muſt think this proceeding ſtrange, for if he hath the power to transform, and cauſe a metamorphoſis of ſolid ſubſtance, and turn Bread and Wine into other things of ſo great a diſparity as fleſh, bones, and blood; It is no wonder if Father Patrick, this Ingenious Prieſt, hath alſo transformed and changed one expreſſion into another, if he can by his breath alone make the glorious Body of Chriſt now aſcended up into Heaven, to be found in a few Crums of Bread, and a few drops of Wine. Why may not Patrick by the ſame art cauſe the Holy Maſs to be found alſo in a paſſage of holy Scripture where it was never before. If he can ſo far command him who is named the Word to come down from Heaven, as often as he pleaſeth, he may with more eaſe obliege him to ſpeak what, and when he liſteth. In the Word 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 he hath met with a motive that hath Incited him to this perform; this metamorphoſis for he hath met with certain happy Spirits of the Primitive World, who have Informed him that in the Council of Chalcedon this word 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 was Interpreted by ſaying Maſs; therefore the Council furniſhes him with an excellent proof, upon which he depends much, becauſe in the Actr of this Council the Word 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 is Tranſlated by a Latine. Author facere-miſſas, perform Maſſes as Julian tells us, who himſelf was of that Councill; And becauſe this word is ſo to be underſtood in the deeds of this Council, therefore it hath the ſame ſignification by very good reaſon in the Acts of the Apoſtles. Don't you think that this reaſoning is right and good? I admire quoth the Cardinal the ſubtilty of this Prieſt, but I am afraid that ſome damned Heretick will draw from this kind of reaſoning advantages againſt us, and as ſuch kind of people do already ſay, that we affirm of our Maſs, that it is not what it appears to be, that appears Bread, but that it is nothing leſs then Bread? ſo they will talk of this paſſage Tranſlated by Father Patrick, that it is not what it ſeems to be: That in appearance the Maſs is in the Tranſlation, but in the Original there is no ſhape of the Maſs to be ſeen. They will alſo ſay that the arguing from the Interpretation of the Word 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 found in the Acts of the Counſel of Chalcedon is not juſt, nor reaſonable, for a word may have a different ſignification in Ages ſo much at a diſtance from one another, for that Counſel was held 400 years after the Apoſtles: beſides theſe Hereticks may ſay, that the word Miſsa, Maſs, that was then lately found out, has ſince in this Age changed its ſignification; for it is with the Maſs as with men, their Faces differ before they come to an age of underſtanding, look upon a man in his Chilhood, and conſider him afterwards in his old Age, and you ſhall ſearce know him, ſo it is with this Name; If you look upon it in its firſt riſe, and afterwards take notice of it in the glorious appearance that hath been given to it in theſe laſt Ages, and you will ſcarce believe them to be the ſame, you will find a ſtrange alteration: It may be ſaid of the Maſs as of Noahs Ark, and Theſeus Ship that it was the ſame, and yet not the ſame, for the letters, ſyllables, and pronunciation is the ſame, but the uſe and ſignification is not the ſame; then it did ſignifie the diſmiſſion of the people, or the leave to depart out of the Congregation granted to the Catechumenes who were diſmiſt after Sermon, or to the Reſt of the Faithful ſent away after the Adminiſtration of the Sacraments at the end of Divine Service; Then they did ſay, Facere miſſum Catechumenis, or Facere miſſum fidelibus, that is to diſmiſs the Catechumenes, or the Faithful: this word did then ſignifie generally all the publick Service of God, at the end of which this diſmiſſion was thus performed, Miſſa eſt. So that then they called the publick Prayers of the Church the reading and preaching of the Word of God, and the adminiſtration of the Sacraments by the Name of Maſs; theſe things Bellarmin▪ hath confeſt. Since the word is ſtrangely changed to ſignifie the holy Sacrament of the Altar which is, now its ordinary meaning, Some therefore may ſay, that in the Tranſlation of the Counſel of Chalcedon to expreſs the word 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 it was never employed in the meaning that Reveend Father Patrick employes it in the 3 chap. of the Acts; but doubtleſs this excellent Abbot ſo well kill'd in Tranſmutation can ſolve all the difficulties that may be made againſt him, and his Interpretation. But what benefit doth your Holineſs imagine that we receive from this bold attempt of Father Patrick? I conceive that he may have well encreaſed: the glory of the Maſs by raiſing it upon ſuch a noble Throne, and placing it to be ſeen upon the Theatre of Holy Scriptures. He doth alſo by this meanes diſcover its profound Antiquity, for it ſeems to be far more ancient than Chriſt and his holy Apoſtles, for he may eaſily prove by this Word, that all the Prieſts under the Law did ſay Maſs very reverendly as well as the Brieſts under Luke 1. 23. the Goſpel; for St. Luke tells us that Zachary had accompliſht 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 , which we muſt for the time to come Tranſlate, The dayes of his ſaying Maſs. And St Paul repreſents Moſes ſprinking the blood upon 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 Heb: 9. 21. 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 , which we muſt alſo render thus, All the Veſſels employed in ſaying Maſs. In the ſame place Heb. 10. 11 the Apoſtle tells us that every Prieſt did daily 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 , that is according to this good Tranſlation Say Maſs: and elſewhere he diſcovers how Chriſt doth continually ſay Maſs in Heaven, for in the ſame Ep. to the Heb. he tells us, that we have an high Prieſt that is ſeated at the right hand of the throne of the Majeſty of God in Heaven, 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 , that means ſaying Maſs in the Holy places. I conceive that the Holy Angels are Chriſts Deacons and Clarks in Heaven to anſwer him, becauſe in the ſame Epiſtle they are named 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 : we are to underſtand by theſe words, Spirits that ſay Maſs. Your Holineſs that hath communication with Heaven may know ſomething more of theſe Heavenly matters: Well replyed the Pope, we have juſt cauſe to expect the ſpeedy converſion of all the Hereticks, and if Father Patrick hath boaſted of having made many a good Proſelyte, and turned them from proteſtantiſme to popery, although it was then but a Lye, he may have ſaid ſo by the ſpitit of prophecy, ſuch kind of deceits and falſehoods are to be conſidered and excuſed as ſo many pious frauds deſign'd to bring back to the profeſſion of the truth the poor deluded Hereticks; for my part I conceive that he did foreſee the converſion of all thoſe people that will now doubtleſs embrace my Faith and profeſſion, for they have often promiſed to come to Maſs if we can but ſhew them the Maſs in Holy Scripture. Now they muſt of neceſſity acknowledg it to be there, mauger all their obſtinacy, we may therefore hope to ſee whole troops of men return again to the boſom of my Holy Church. If after ſo clear a convict on, and this undeniable diſcovery there be any ſo obſtinate as to ſhut their eyes, and refuſe to acknowledg the Maſs, I will thunder againſt him from my Vatican, and ſend him to Hell before his time: For my part I find quoth the Cardinal that he hath much oblieged the Civil Magiſtrates and Princes in giving this meaning to the word 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 , for we muſt now look upon them as perſons who have liberty to ſay Maſs, for St. Paul names them 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 , that is according to this new ſignification, Singers, or bablers of Maſſes unto God Now I think of it, all our Roman Religion is mightily obliged to him, for he hath ſhewn us an expedient how to confirm all the Doctrines of our Holy Church without much difficulty, in placing them in expreſs words in Holy Scripture. We may now ſeek the paſſages that have any colour of ſuch Doctrines, and Tranſlate them according to this good model of Father Patrick, for example Chriſt Mat. 16. 18. ſaid to St. Peter in the Goſpel, Thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my Church; there we maintain that Chriſt hath granted and eſtabliſhed the Popes Authority upon Peter, and his Succeſſors. But becauſe theſe words are not ſo plain and clear for our purpoſe as we could well wiſh, why may not we make it plainer, and Tranſlate it in expreſs words that may confute all the Hereticks in this manner, Thou art Pope, and upon this pope I will build my Church. Your Fancy quoth the Pope is very good, and makes much for our purpoſe. Doubtleſs all Chriſtendom admires the wit and piety of this Ingenious Father, and deſires that he may be well rewarded for his worth and cunning; we ſhall have our Court thronged with the Embaſſadors of ſeveral Princes to ſue for his promotion and reward; for my part I am already very much enclined to grant to Father Patrick my moſt ſpecial Favours, I do at preſent free him from the troubleſom Viſit of purgatory after his Deceaſe, and Decree that his Soul may leap directly into Heaven without ſtop or hindrance: We have granted this priviledge to many that are not ſo deſerving as this moſt Reverend Father, and it is but reaſon that he ſhould obtain this benefit from the Maſs, ſeeing that he hath been ſo great a Friend to her. We commonly ſay Maſs to free poor Souls from the flames of purgatory, and to draw them into a more temperate and more pleaſant abode, why may not the Maſs from which he hath deſerv'd a good Reward hinder him from entring into this Incommodious burning? I will alſo reward him in his life-time, I will enoble his pate with a Cardinals Cap, I conceive his head is bigg enough, and of a ſiſe able to bear this Covering with a bon meen: When his Holineſs had uttered theſe words, he began to bethink himſelf, and muſe upon what he had ſaid; well quoth he, rubbing and ſhaking his head, there is ſomething comes into my mind that damps all my affections, for Father Patrick this ſubtle Wit that hath found the Maſs in Holy Writ, contrary to all appearance, may alſo by chance find by his cunning and working fancy how to make Father Patrick a Pope, and by this means pull me out of my ſeat, and tumble me down of my Throne as an unlawfull Pope. This apprehenſion ſinks into my mind do what I can, and ſpoils all the affection that I had conceived for this Father, ſo that a ſmall matter might cauſe me to undertake his Deſtruction. As the Cardinal was opening his Lips to return an anſwer; in ſteps a Gentleman of the popes Bedchamber to acquaint his Holineſs that there were without a croud of perſons that did moſt paſſionately entreat for audience of his good Holineſs. When the pope had commanded them to come in; e found them to Be ſome of his Well-wiſher that came to advertiſe him of a great Tumult that had hapned in the Vatican Church between two comely Ladies; the one named her ſelf Vulgata Latim, the other was named Madam Franca Verſio of the City of Louvain, two perſons of very good account; as they were at their Devotions they quarrell'd with that Fury, that they were ready to tear one another to pieces: Madam Vulgata required the precedency, becauſe ſhe had been enobled by the Council of Trent; and could ſhew a very authentick patent for her Nobility; but Madam Franca Verſio could produce no ſuch Antiquity, but pretended that ſhe was to have the precedency of the former; becauſe ſhe had been enobled, dignified, and bleſſed with a moſt Divine Berne a She-beauty, eſteemed and admired all over the World as a Goddeſs, ſhe being the only Mother that had bore in her Womb ſuch a Celeſtial production as the Goddeſs Miſſa: She reſolved not to yeild an ace to her Siſter Madam Vulgata Latina, but to diſpute the preeminency and the predency with her to the uttermoſt; and the rather, becauſe ſhe was backt and aſſiſted by all her Countrymen, who did not much favour Madam Latina, becauſe they underſtood not her ſpeech. As ſoon as theſe perſons had repreſented the caſe to his Holineſs, the door being open, in ſteps an old Roman Lady my Lady Tradition, ſhe was attired as the Gibeonites are repreſented in holy Scripture when they came to make peace with the Children of Iſrael at their entrance into the promiſed Land; her Gown was old and moth-eaten, her ſhoes patcht with many old pieces, her face painted with many wrinkles, her food was dry bread, and mouldy bisket, all her Garments did beſpeak her to be but a durty, naſty, loathſom, and old Joane; nevertheleſs ſhe received the Reſpects of all the company at her entrance, becauſe ſhe did look with a grave countenance, and affect ſuch marks and liveries of Antiquity and Age, although ſhe was but young, and of a late Birth, ſhe acceſſed his Holineſs without any Ceremony, becauſe ſhe was very well known to him, and familiar with him, ſhe had tutered him, and did yet furniſh him with very good directions. This Lady Tradition with a grim and ſad countenance ſoon burſt forth into bitter complaints againſt Father Patrick the French Abbot, and the Iriſh Prieſt for having committed a moſt unjuſt robbery and rape, and debaucht and carried away from her dwelling one of her beſt and moſt beautiful Gueſts my Lady Miſſa: ſhe repreſented to his Holineſs that he had juſt cauſe to fear further Injuries and wrongs from this Father, and that ſhe was afraid leſt he ſhould alſo debauch her other Gueſts, and perſwade them to leave her deſolate, and by that means take away all her livelihood and being for without them ſhe is not able to ſubſiſt. As ſhe was opening the Caſe, and accuſing of Father Patrick, all her Gueſts or Lodgers came into the Room together to make alſo their ſeveral complaints, and aſſiſt their old Landlady in her accuſation. The Marqueſs of Purgatory with all his Attendants went formoſt The Count Meritum, and Viſcount Free will with a long Train of Followers, fill'd the Room where his Holineſs was. Theſe Noble Perſons that I have named are all Officers of our mother the Holy Church of Rome: The Marqueſs of Purgatory is the great Purveyor and principal Cook, to him it belongs to ſee that the Pot may boil well, Count Meritum is the great Treaſurer of the Catholick Church; for he hath in his cuſtody all the Riches and Treaſures by which he intends to purchaſe the Kingdom of Heaven. Viſcount Free-will is the Fac-totum, or Governour of the Houſe, he is the Porter or Uſher to introduce or ſhut out whom he pleaſeth. He is alſo the Steward & Controller of the mother Church for he diſpoſeth of all at his pleaſure. He is a capricious and humerſome Knave; nevertheleſs the Catholick Church i • very well pleaſed with his ſervices, and cannot be perſwaded to leave him. Aſſoon as my Lord Marqueſs of Purgatory appeared, every mothers ſon in the Room began to tremble for fear; for he was cloathed with a fiery Garb moſt terrible to the eye, out of his mouth burſt forth flaſhes of extraordinary fire, ſo that every one made room to him, and was afraid to come near him; but when the ſpectators had well viewed him, they perceived that his terrible Countenance had nothing of reality, and that this fire, and the ſeeming flames were the effects only of their deluded imagination My Lord; merit was clad in ſuch a Garb, and appeared with ſuch a pleaſant mean, that he was more able to move laughter than fear, for he ſeemed to be proud and highminded: His Countenance, Behaviour and Courage was much like that of a French Coxcomb, or of a proud and ſtately Spaniard. He did blow and puff as a man out of breath, and with Eyes full of contempt he did ſpeak to every one; Iſa. 65. 1. Come not near me for I am more holy than thou: In his hand he held a large Purſe full of good Counters with which men do commonly reckon with God Almighty to ſee how much he is in their debt. My Lord, Free-will appeared in another Attire; and Behaviour, not ſo ridiculous, but no leſs extravagant; for his inconſtancy and unſetled Courage did make him appear very ſimple; for he ſtood now upon one ley then upon another. He had got a Switzers Garbe and Attire, of ſeveral Colours, to expreſs the diverſity and variableneſs of our Free-will, but that which was moſt remarkable in his appearance was, that he had got a Steeple upon his head that did bear a Croſs, with a VVether-cock on the top, to repreſent how that in the buſineſs of our Salvation ſignified by the Croſs. It was in his power to turn himſelf any ways. At firſt all theſe Noble Lords were ready to enter into a cruel diſpute, and quarrel, becauſe they all pretended to the priviledge of ſpeaking firſt, my Lord Marqueſs had a large & wide mouth, as great as that of an Oven, and much heat to animate his diſcourſe; and therefore a greater advantage to ſpeak firſt, than the reſt: my Lord, merit did produce his worth and excellency; and therefore that he deſerved to be the ſpokeſman, my Lord Free-will alledged, that merit was indebted to him for the advantages by which he pretended to the priviledge of ſpeaking firſt; for there could be no merit without Free-will. To pleaſe 'um all, the Pope commanded 'um to ſpeak all together, and told 'um that he was well able to underſtand all their diſcourſes together: That although he appeared but with one Head, he had got one that was worth many, for it was able to bear three Crowns, That it were to do him wrong to fancy that he had leſs ability than the Beaſt of the Revelations that had Seven Heads, and therefore could underſtand the Speeches of ſeven perſons: And that as he was the Head of the Church, he muſt needs have this power of an Head to underſtand the complaints, and feel the griefs of ſeveral members at once when they endure pain, when the Pope had granted to them this permiſſion, and leave to ſpeak all at once, every one began to declare their complaints to this effect: That Father Patrick had done them all the greateſt injury that could be, by divorcing and carrying away the Maſs their dear Companion from them: That they had long lodged together peaceably, with much unity and love, at the Palace of my Noble Lady, my Lady Traditio: That to part with their Companion, they could as well part with Heart and Soul and therefore that they did reckon that Father Patrick had done them a notable prejudice to place the Maſs in Holy Scripture without them: That they had as good reaſon to pretend to that Honour as well as ſhe, for there be ſome places of Holy Scripture that favour as much their being, as that place doth the Maſs. The Marques of Purgatory alledg'd a paſſage of the firſt of Corinthians, where theſe words are to be found, 1 Cor. 3. 15. VVh • are ſaved as by fice, why ſaid he may not one add to the tranſlantion, by the fire of Purgatory. Meritum brought forth a paſſage of the Revelations, where the perſons are mentioned, Rev. 3. 4. VVhom God will cauſe to walk in white Cloathing, becauſe they are worthy. He deſired that one might render the words, becauſe they do merit it. My Lord Free will fancied that the paſſage of Denteronomy made for him, where God told the Children of Iſrael, Deut. 36. 40. That tbe VVord was near them in their mouth, and in their Heart to do it: vvherefore ſaid he may not vve tranſlate it, is in thy Free-vvill to do it: Therefore every one of them did conclude that his Holineſs muſt needs, if he will deal impartially, do of two things one, either reſtore the Maſs to its old Lodging, and former Camerades, or grant to them to dwell with her under the ſame Roof In the heat of the diſpute they fell from reaſons to threatnings againſt his Holineſs in caſe that they did not receive due ſatisfaction; for the Marques of Purgatory threatned to be even with his Holineſs when his Soul ſhould enter into his Dominions, if he did not grant his deſire and do Juſtice; for he that frees others by his authority from burning in Purgatory, cannot exempt himſelf from thoſe Torments. Therefore he threatned to caſt ſo much Brimſtone, and combuſtible matter into the ſcorching Flames, that he would increaſe the heat in ſuch a manner, that he ſhould have firſt cauſe to repent. Meritum threatned him, that if he did not do as he deſired, that he would forſake his perſon: So that without his aſſiſtance, he ſhould be without means of ever arriving to Heaven, or entring into that place of bliſs. My Lord, Free-wil freely declared to him, that unleſs he obtained his Requeſt, he ſhould fall into ſuch fits of Melancholy, that he would leave the humane Society: So that they might by that means, become Janſeniſts, that are near related the Calviniſts the Popes ſworn Enemies. This laſt threatning did not much trouble his Holineſs, becauſe he knew that the Viſcounts Pate was full of Quickſilver and Whimſey, therefore never ſetled in its reſolutions. He knew alſo that he would never do any thing in favour of the Calviniſts, becauſe they are an envious Generation of men, that won't allow him his Titles of Honour, but have often attempted to cut off his Head, and when they could not perform that, they have reduced and condemed him to ſlavery & perpetual bondage; but the threatnings of the reſt terrified the poor Pope. As he was thinking what was beſt to be done, he hears a little Bell coming in, and my Lady Maſs in perſon followed immediately after. This dainty Dame that never goes a foot, nor treads upon the ſlimy ground, was carryed by a Cardinal Prieſt. She can ride very well on Horſeback, for in the ſolemn proceſſions at Rome ſhe is commonly mounted upon a white Horſe; but in this occaſion ſhe could not make uſe of ſuch a carriage, for ſhe was forced to come up ſtaires to the Pope; when all the Aſſiſtants beheld my Lady Maſs, they wondered wherefore ſhe was come, they began to look one upon another, to ſee which of the company was ſo ſick as to need my Lady to comfort him: the Prieſt that carried her ſoon ſatisfied them by addreſſing himſelf to the Pope in my Ladies name in this manner; Great Vicar, and Lieutenant of God, viſible Head of the Univerſal Catholick Church, moſt powerful God on Earth, I come to demand Juſtice of the Inſolency, impudency, and temerity of Father Patrick, who hath baſely raviſht, and againſt my will carried me away by plaine force from my houſe and home, to cauſe me to dwell in a ſtrange place. I was very well ſatisfied in my old Lodgings in my Lady Traditio's place; nothing was there wanting to my perſon or dignity, for my Lady is very well provided with all neceſſaries, and is moſt complizant to all her Gueſts. I confeſs that Holy Scripture is an Honourable dwelling indeed; but this Fellow hath appointed me there ſuch an Incommodious Abode that I proteſt I can ſtay there no longer, I am confined to this narrow Leaſe 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 , where I am ſo ill accomodated, that I am in danger to fall down at every moment, whereas before I was ſeated upon a Throne at my pleaſure, where I had elbow-room enough. This Block-head has imagined that I ſhould be here better plac'd, and better able to convince all Hereticks, whereas it is here that I am meekeſt, and not able ſo much as to defend my ſelf. I may ſay as David, when he took upon him Sauls Armor to encounter with Goliah, I can't walk with all this, for I am not uſed to 'um. Thus I may ſay, that it is altogether Impoſſible that I ſhould make uſe of this paſſage to overcome the Hereticks, becauſe I am not uſed to it: Beſides, as I am there plac'd without Gods approbation, and contrary to all reaſon, and ſince I am therefore there againſt my will, and have as much reaſon to complain as Abſalom when he was brought from Geſsur to Jeruſalem, where he had not the liberty to ſee King David, Wherefore am I come from Geſſur? it was better for me to remain there ſtill. Moreover, he hath put me there all naked, without my ornaments, without my Alba Girdle, S • ola Cope, &c. and ſuch-like Veſtments that became my dignity, whereas I had all this attire in my former habitation: All ſuch as ſhall ſee me here, will imagine that I have a great delight to make my abode wherever the word 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 is to be found, and therefore they will imagine ſuch things as become not my quality and grandeur; for example when St. Paul ſayes to the Phillipians, ch. 2. V. 30. 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 , they will Infer from thence, That I am to be delivered, and offered up by the Impure hands of Laymen, as well as by the holy Prieſts. Thus when St. Paul ſaith to the Romans, 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 . Some may think that I am reduc'd and rankt amongſt impure and carnal things ſuch as are given by men in Almes: This fellow hath alſo lodged me at a ſtrange houſe and dwelling without the leave of the Landlords and owners; for he hath plac'd me in the Tranſlation of the Doctors of Louvain, who never thought to place me there, for they have Tranſlated this paſſage into words that don't diſcover any ſhadow of the Maſs. I have alſo reaſon to complain that I am there lodg'd in an unworthy manner, for he makes me paſſe but for a Diſcourſe, whereas I am in truth a glorious Sacrifice offered to God for the benefit of the quick and the dead, for he repreſents me in theſe words, They ſaying Maſs unto the Lord, wheras he ſhould have ſaid, They offering Maſs up to the Lord; for theſe reaſons I am become a ſcorn to the Hereticks, and a reproach and ſhame to the good Catholicks. At Paris Reverend Doctors of the Sorbonne do in no wiſe approve of this bold attempt, and will ſcarce take notice of me in this corner; I do therefore deſire that by your Authority you will take me from this place, and lodge me where I was wont before. And I did deſire that you would inflict upon this Impudent Prieſt the puniſhment that his audacity deſerves. When my Lady Maſs had ended her Speech, the Pope that had been diſ-ſatisfied with Patricks proceedings, ſoon granted the Requeſts of all the Aſſiſtants: Therefore he returned this anſwer to my Lady Miſſa, Great and Admirable Sacrament of the Altar, Divine Maſs, I grant that thou ſhouldeſt return to thy former Abode; And I further Decree, that Father Patrick ſhall make thee all juſt amends and ſatisfaction for thy diſgrace. I do alſo declare him to have forfeited his Offices and priviledges, and that he is become unworthy ever to ſay Maſs again, or to enjoy any Eccleſiaſtical Dignity; I do therefore enjoyn him as a Penance, that he ſhal Whip his Bomfiddle twice every day, that he ſhall never drink any thing but Water whilſt he lives, but not to reduce him to utter deſpair; I leave to his choice to take Holy, or Common Water at his pleaſure; and I allow him to make uſe of an Whore when he hath occaſion.