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ADVICE To a YOUNG LORD, Written by his FATHER, Under these following Heads: Viz.

  • Religion,
  • Study and Exercises,
  • Travel,
  • Marriage,
  • House Keeping, and
  • Hospitality.
  • Of the Court,
  • Of Friendship,
  • Of Pleasure, and
  • Idleness,
  • Of Conversation.

LONDON, Printed for, and are to be Sold by R. Baldwin, near the Oxford Arms Inn in Warwick-Lane. 1691.

ADVICE TO A Young Lord.

INTRODƲCTION.

My Dear Son,

I AM not igno­rant that there are many Tracts of late years writ [Page 4]concerning these very Subjects I now design to treat of; yet, I must con­fess, have most of them been writ with a particular intention to their own Relations, and 'tis therefore the most probable rea­son that they are not of such gene­ral use and obser­vation. [Page 5]Others I am apt to think are designed out of presumptuous ambition of ex­ceeding, by imita­tion, such rare Ex­amples as went be­fore them, in the accessions of Wit, and Elegant Dis­courses, very often discoloured with Urbane and Facete [Page 6]Prophaneness. I do acknowledge, 'tis a singular, and the right way of transmitting a Man's Memory to Posterity, especi­ally his own: The first of which I disesteem, in Com­parison of the lat­ter, because I be­lieve 'twill not be by them observ d, [Page 7]so much as 'twill by the other be respected.

You are now to be separated for some time from me, and the greatest Consola­tion I have in your absence left me, is the Confi­dence I have in the Learning and A­bilities [Page 8]of your Tutor, as also in your good nature in complying to follow his Directi­ons, which I am sure will be very reasonable.

'Tis not my doubting of your Tutor (for if I did, I should ne­ver have commit­ted [Page 9]you, the thing I prize and value above any in the World, to his care) But to shew you how tender I am of, and what con­cern I take in your wellfare, has been the occasion, and reason which mo­ved me to give you my particular Ad­vice in these se­veral [Page 10]Subjects; thinking withall, that these my Ad­monitions may be the more Sacred with, and esteem­ed by you, com­ing from one whom Nature, and the Indulgence I have ever shewn you, obliges to re­verence and re­spect. And I must [Page 11]confess, I have as yet no reason to think that you'll be deficient in your Duty, or frustrate the ex­pectations that I, and all your Re­lations and Friends have conceived of you.

The better to imprint in your [Page 12]Memory what I think fit at present to advertise you of, I shall use a distinct Method, and divide my Dis­course into several Heads; and first of Religion.

Of RELIGION.

RELIGION, my dearest Child, is the greatest Concern we have upon us in this World, our Eternal happi­ness in the next depend­ing on it; and for that rea­son ought to be the director of all our Actions. I cannot therefore use my Paternal Authority to better purpose, than in adjuring, and straitly charging and requiring you to be constant and zea­lous in the Religion Establi­shed in this Kingdom. Not that I forbid you to make [Page 14]enquiry into it, to see if in all Points it agrees with the revealed Will of God; but ra­ther Exhort you to't, for I had rather you would make it your choice, than to take it upon Credit. The best Religion is a good Life, and the secu­rest fence against Temptation. 'Twas the Advice of a Great and Prudent Statesman to his Son,Sir. H. Sid­ney's Ad­vice to his Son Sir Phil. That his first Action should be the lifting up his hands and mind to Almighty God in Prayer, and feelingly to digest the words he uttered; with continual Meditation, and thinking of him to whom he spake; and to use this at an ordinary hour, that the time it self [Page 15]might put him in remembrance to do that thing he was ac­customed to do at that time. This Advice I would you should receive from me, and I desire no better return and obedience from you in this Af­fair, than what was made by the Person it was first directed to. Let your thoughts in the Morning be what you have to do that day, for which crave God's Blessing and Pro­tection; and at Night be sure you omit not to return thanks, and recollect in your thoughts what you have done, for which you must implore his Pardon. Use all your endeavours to suppress sinful thoughts and de­sires, while they are weak and impotent, that if greater temp­tations [Page 16]present themselves, you may be the better able to re­sist them, and by using your self, and delighting in do­ing good, it will at length prove habitual. 'Tis an Old Saying, Nemo repentè fuit turpissimus, Juvenal. & holds good in the contrary, for no Man is good on a sud­den, but as he has been inured to good works. Adeo in tene­ris assuescere multum est. Virgil. Thus I'm confi­dent you have been E­ducated, which with your Vir­tuous Inclinations, puts me in comfort and assurance that you'll never degenerate.

Let no advantage in the World tempt you to be wicked at any time; for you know 'tis [Page 17]an Old Saying, He that will once be wicked for his advantage, will be always so, if his Interest require it.

If any thing in Religion di­sturbs you, consult an able Physician of the Gospel, and not depend too much on your own Reading; which yet I would have be so much, as not to be imposed upon by any man. Di­versity in any thing distracts the mind, and leaves it wave­ring in a dubious perplexity; and then how easie 'tis to sway the mind to either side, the most Elegant Comedian will inform you. Dum indubio est, animus paulo momento huc & illuc impellitur: This is most true in Religion; you must therefore obfirmate your Ears, [Page 18]and confirm your Judgment, being once satisfied in the ex­cellency of your Profession.

Neither would I have you only fixt and constant in your Religion, but also very De­vout (which is the chiefest thing) in the practice of it; and also remember this, that he that is not truly Religious, will hardly be esteemed such, since nothing is of less conti­nuance than Hypocrisie and Dissimulation; and if your Religion be such, such will your Honour be, (viz.) a feigned thing, and a meer shadow. The Observance of Religion does become none more than Noble and Illustri­ous Persons; other Glories have lifted them beyond the [Page 19]pitch and reach of Men, but this is a Ray of the Divinity, which advances them near to the Deity, and, like a Dia­mond, out-shines the lustre of all other Jewels. A Reli­gious Heart, and a clear Con­science, will make you truly conspicuous; it is as the Mo­ther of all other Virtues.

What brave Effects of O­bedience to Princes has it wrought in Subjects? Look back to the Primitive Times, how Couragious were they in all Enterprizes, hardy and resolute in dangers, liberal to the Necessitous, ready and willing to do their utmost en­deavour in the distrest Affairs of the Empire! and all this from one pious Principle, that [Page 20]in serving their Prince, they served God, whose Lieutenant he is; nor was there any dif­ficulty over which their Faith did not triumph; and I charge you to make your duty to your Soveraign one of the chief Points of your Religion, so far forth as may consist with your obedience to God, and the Laws of your Nation, which ought to be served best, and in the first place; yet there is such a reciprocation between both these Services, that they commonly go together.

He that keeps himself strict­ly to the observation of the Divine Laws, cannot err in the Humane; and he that is a good Servant of God, will never be an ill Subject to his Prince.

'Tis a Maxime of State, That where Princes and People are of a different Religion, they will not very well agree; yet Modern Experience, since the Reformation arrived to a settled constitution of Church Government, evinces the contrary, as at present in Germany, and our own King­dom of England. Cherish and maintain the Ministers of the Gospel, especially Pious and Learned Preachers. Nothing brings more contempt upon the Religion and service of God, in the eyes of the Vulgar, than the necessities, wants, and mise­ries of Church-Men; what e­steem you reflect upon them, will redound and reflect upon your self again. What the Hea­then said of their Poets, That [Page 22]by their Means and Writings, Famous Men were transmitted to Posterity, and Immortality, who otherwise would have lain in perpetual Oblivion, is very true of Evangelical Doctors; their Prayers, Instructions, and Re­commendations of you, toge­ther with your own Holiness, is the only Fame and Glory, will transmit and place you hereafter in Heaven, and Esta­blish you here living and dead, in the good will and praise of all good and Charitable Persons. Let Charity be a chief Ingredient in your Religion,In all things pre­serve a good In­tention without which, no good Action can be per­formed, vid. Sen. de Beneficis. c. 1. both in Giving, and Forgiving; as you have Abili­ties, Indulge the Poor, and let them in some [Page 23]measure partake with you in your outward Blessings and Enjoyments.

For the other, as you are always liable to Offences, to be always as apt and prone to pardon and pass them by, which in the greatest Adver­sities you can undergo, will never be out of your power to do.

Frequent your Chappel, and the Houses of God, let no Bu­siness invade or intrude upon your Religious hours; what you have destined to the ser­vice of God, is already Sacred to him, and cannot without great Profaneness be alienated from him, and conferred upon others.

For other Duties necessary [Page 24]for a Christian's Practice, I re­fer you to the Discipline and Instructions of the Church, thinking it needless to repeat them here, which are so ex­actly laid down by her, which I esteem the purest Truth.

For search all Religions through the World, and you will find none that ascribes so much honour to God, nor constitutes a more firm Love among Men, as does the E­stablisht Doctrine of the Pro­testant Church amongst us. In whose Arms I leave you and her to the everlasting pro­tection of God Almighty.

Of Study and Exercises.

OF STƲDY I shall be more brief and com­pendious, because I have wholly as to this Affair committed you to the Conduct of your Tutor; but yet, hoping that my Advice may be of some use to you after your leaving the University, I shall lay be­fore you these few directions.

1st. That you make it a great part of your care not to spend your time in frivolous Niceties, such as the study of Criticisme may be, which is not unfitly termed by one, dif­ficiles Nugae, & stolidus labor Ineptiarum, but always pro­pose [Page 26]an end to your self in your Studies, according to that Old Rule Respice finem. For it will be an instance of great Pru­dence in you, to study things which may be of solid use; whereas now the whole Pro­vince of Learning is infested with frivolous disputations, and nice and vain Impostures.

The best part of your study will be to read such Books as are most pleasing to you, and you can study no Science better than what treats of the know­ledge of your self, and instructs you how to live and die well.

Therefore I say the useful­ness ought in your Studies to be most observed or respected, since 'tis a strong evidence of weak Judgment, when Men [Page 27]approve of things for their be­ing rare and new, or yet for the difficulty, where Virtue and Usefulness are not conjoy­ned to recommend them.

But though the studying only to pass away time, be a most inept Curiosity, and mis-beco­ming active and generous Spi­rits, yet you must so order your Studies, that you make them subservient to the Con­cerns of your Honour, Estate, and Interest, and that they in­trench upon no time which should be better imployed, ei­ther in the Service of God, or your Prince.

Your vacant and leisure hours you cannot better im­pend upon any thing than Books and Meditation, nay, [Page 26] [...] [Page 27] [...] [Page 28]there is a necessity of making such leisure time, if the multi­plicity of business press too fast upon you, remembring that of a Great Emperour, whose Af­fairs were not only urgent, but full of trouble in a new attain­ed Empire. Nulla dies sine linea, he would not let a day sl [...]p without some improvement in Studies. Your own choice and Judgment will direct both what Books to read, and what Science chiefly to apply your self to, though I think it Pe­dantical, and unworthy a Per­son of Honour, to be Excellent in any one, it seems as ridiculous as Nero's mad Ambition of being esteemed the chief Fidler, and best Songster in the World, whom Petronius Arbiter, a Roman [Page 29]Knight, excellently describes in his Satyricon, under the Name of Eumolpus.

History, and the Mathema­ticks, I think are the most pro­per and advantageous Studies for Persons of your Quality, the other are fitter for Schoolmen, and People that must live by their Learning, though a little insight and tast of them will be no burthen or inconvenience to you, especially Natural Philoso­phy; which next to the two I mentioned above, I should give the preheminence to: As to the Laws of the Kingdom, I reckon them not a particular Study, for they must be your constant practice; your place as to Exe­cutory will instruct you, and as to the pleading part of them [Page 30]'tis below you. Keep always an able Scholar for the Languages in your house, besides your Chaplain, who may be ready at hand to read to you out of any Book your fancy or judgment shall for the present pitch upon, him you'll find to be of singu­lar use and advantage to you, and you ought therefore to give him Salary accordingly. Think no Cost too much in purchasing rare Books, which I esteem next to acquiring good Friends; but buy them not to lay by, or to grace your Library with the name of such a M. S. or such a singular Piece, but read, revolve him, and lay him up in your memory, where he will be far the better Ornament.

Read seriously what ever is [Page 31]before you, and reduce and di­gest it to Practice and Observa­tion, otherwise you'll have Sy­siphus his labour, to be always revolving Sheets and Books at every new Occurence, which may require the Oracle of your read­ing. Trust not to your Memo­ry, but put all remarkable and notable things that shall in your reading occur to you, sub salva Custodia of Pen and Ink, but so alter the property by your own Scholia and Annotations on it, that your memory may speedi­ly recur to the place it was committed to. Review fre­quently such Memorandums, which will inform you what progress and proficiency you have made in what-ever sort of Studies you have applyed your [Page 32]self to. After your Studies give your mind some relaxation, by generous Exercises, but never use them after fulness, sleep, or oscitancy, for then they a­bate much of the recreation and delight they afford after the intentness of the mind on any business, otherwise 'tis but a continuation of the dream, in the stirring slumbers of Sport, and Recreation.

In the choice of your Ex­ercises, affect none that are o­ver robust and violent, that instead of remitting & unbend­ing the Bow, will break it; but let them be moderate, and withal Virile, and Masculine; such as Riding the Great Horse, and Hunting, whose Encomi­ums are Celebrated by the [Page 33]most Famous of the Antient, as well as Modern Writers, as by Plato, Zenophon, Arrianus, and Julius Pollux; by Homer; Diogenes Laertius Lib. 6. in his Life of Diogenes Sinopaeas, tells us, he usually took his Scholars out with him to Hunt, and they that refused it, he dismissed from him. 'Tis too tedious to number to you the Latine Au­thors who have likewise wrote in praise of this Exercise, such as Livy, Cicero, Seneca, Justin, Plinius, Virgil, Horace, and in­finite more; but if you have a mind to see a large commenda­tion of it in a few words, I re­fer you to King James de Officio Regis, Lib. 3 On foot you have Tennis, and Bowls, and other such Exercises, but I would [Page 34]not advise you to make a toil of a Pleasure, by over exerci­sing your Body; play not to wearisomness, which may make you nauseate the Recreation another time; as near as you can play with Companions your Equals, but if they are not at hand, pleasure will di­spence with any Play-fellow, nor are you tied there to any strict rules of Honour.

Let your Exercises be de­signed to this end, to settle your mind, to beget a stomach and appetite, and to fit you for other succeeding business.

Of TRAVEL.

TRAVEL in some Men is an Humour and Cu­riosity only, in others Wisdom, and Design, and accordingly they make their different re­turns. It has been all along the practice of our Nation, and I think with very good success. I esteem it a very great accom­plishment, for a Nobleman es­pecially, but it must be such an one as can stifle his Lusts, and bridle his Passions; for Travel, says the Wise Seneca, Senec. Epist. neither temperates Plea­sures, nor refraenates de­sires, neither represses wrath, or can it break the untam'd force of Love; but if you would have Travel pleasant to you, [Page 36]you must first cure your Com­panion.

Homer begins his Odysses in the praise of Ʋlysses, with this Title and Character, [...], &c. That he had seen many Cities, and knew the Manners and Customs of many Nations, as the most apparent demonstration of his Wisdom. 'Tis a pleasure and felicity when the mind embraces but a glan­cing thought of the beauteous Fabrick of the Universe, and is with a kind of delight trans­ported to some peculiar part of it, whose felicity, pleasures, or wealth have run upon its wan­dring fancy; if this be so in the imagination, what delight and fruition is there in the corporal view and passage through the [Page 37]most remarkable Countries of the Universe? One journey will shew a Man more than twenty Descriptions, or Maps; what a desolate life do Tortoises live, who cannot be rid of their Hou­ses? No man can endure con­finement, and he that hath been locked up in one Kingdom, is but a degree beyond a Coun­tryman, who never exceeded the bounds of his own Parish. Nevertheless all Men are not fit for Travel; Wise Men by it are made better, and Fools worse.

This enquires after nothing but Trifles, the Antick Fashions and Gestures of other Lands, and becomes the shame of all Nations, by disgracing his own, in carrying nothing of worth [Page 38]or esteem from them; and by bringing Censure and Imputa­tation upon Foreign Places where he Converst, by im­porting nothing but their vices.

If you would advantage your self by Travel, you ought to Note, and then Comment upon your Observations, remembring as well the bad, that you may avoid it, as the good, to put it in execution and practice, and without committing these things to Pen, they will pass from your Memory, without leaving any profitable results behind them. Let no hast there­fore hurry you through any considerable remarkable place, but stay and view what is wor­thy in it, and be sure to Regi­ster it in your Journal, which [Page 39]will very much fasten it in your memory; the Charactering of your thoughts in Paper, will fit them ready for your use; and he that does thus, may re-jour­ney all his Travels at home.

Solid Persons are the best proficients by Travel, they are not so prone to be inquinated by the dross and feces of Vice, and the taking Vanities of Fo­reign Countries, being abler to compose themselves to such manners, which may more rea­dily facilitate their inquisition.

Pliance and outward free­dom, and a seeming careles­ness, is the readiest way to get in favour with Stran­gers, and to learn any thing from them. Policy and Ne­gotiation for your use I recom­mend far before Book-Learning, [Page 40]though never so deep and knowing: When you are a­broad, the best way is to Con­verse with the best Men, and not to chuse by the eye, but by common Fame and Celebration. For the Government, and things relating to the State, your Ad­vice and Instruction is to be had no where so well as at Court; among Merchants for the Trade, Commerce, and Traffick; for their Religion a­mong the Clergy, and Univer­sities; and so for their Laws, Customs, and Manners, among the Lawyers. And I advise you, if you design fully to understand these several things, to make it your business to discourse with Persons of these several Profes­sions; you know the Proverb, [Page 41] Ne Sutor ultra Crepidam. But chiefly, and above all, think no Travel too far or discommodi­ous to visit Eminent and Learn­ed Men; there is no Monument like a Vertuous and Learned Person, living by him we shall be something the better, we shall find something in him to enflame and excite our minds to strain to the like pitch, and to excel him in a brave imita­tion of his Excellent qualities.

To such Men you must carry your self with all submissive re­verence, befitting the dignity of those Excellencies that are re­lucent in them and the awe you seem to stand in, will soon invite his Candour to a free re­ception, and near entertain­ment of you: for those Per­sons [Page 42]who are truly Learned, are very rarely Proud, or Stately.

Judgment is the greatest thing necessary for a Traveller, and therefore I approve not of your going abroad very young, in whom Judgment is rarely found; but if when you are grown to a competency of dis­cretion, you have a desire to visit Foreign Places, I would have you seconded with the aid and assistance of Tutor, who knows already the Cu­stoms of the Places to which you design to make your Jour­ney.

Of MARRIAGE.

NExt to Religion (where­in I include the Service to your Prince) Marriage claims your greatest care, upon which the chiefest of our Earthly happiness depends. 'Tis one of the chiefest ends of the Almighty's Creation of Wo­men, that they might be an help meet (that is necessary) for Men; and when he brought Eve to Adam, he gave with her this Blessing, that they should be fruitful, and multiply.

And therefore I esteem Mar­riage a Duty you owe to your self, as well as to your Coun­try. Besides, I question not [Page 44]but you'll be by experience convinc'd, that it ought to be plac'd among the Strongest, as well as the most Important ways of Nature; as Martial says,

Belliger in victis qued Mars tibi saevit in armis,
Non satis est Caesar, saevit & ipsa Venus.

Nay, Interest in Great and Noble Families forbids perpe­tual Virginity; and since the suppression of Nunneries, and such Monastick Privacies and Renunciations to the World, we have not had many of Jephtha's Daughters.

Marriage without doubt was one of the greatest Fa­vours Almighty God confer­ed upon Mankind; and when he bestows a Vertuous Wife, whose Humility, Chastity, and Affection are eminently great, he does as it were renew his first Intentions to us. 'Twas therefore well said by one, who discoursing of this Sub­ject, affirmed that God did oftentimes reward the good works, the Honesty and piety of a Man, with the tender of a good and discreet Wife; for Parents can only give Wealth and Riches, Lands and Pos­sesions to their Children, but God only can give them Pru­dent and Vertuous Women.

In the Contracting there­fore of Marriage, Vertue is more to be considered than Money; Beauty will Rival either of them, and often­times gets Possession of both; but it quickly loses it again, because it wants those stays and supports which each of the other have in themselves; and be sure of this, that you love the Person with whom you Marry better than her E­state, for you know the Old Proverb in this is commonly true, He that Marries where he does not Love, will be sure to Love where he does not Mar­ry, and Love without ends, hath no end.

I acknowledge Vertue is the First to be Courted, and [Page 47]the Primitiae, the First Fruits of our Love, ought to be offer­ed up at her Shrine; but yet reserving the stock to Sacrifice to the numerous Contingen­cies and Accidents which often befal the Wedded state, by the additional helps of Wealth and Beauty; the latter of which especially I would not have you over-blinded with, 'tis one of the greatest deceits Nature is guilty of; not that it is so in those Persons to whom she is so graciously and liberally pleased to bestow it (for it is the most exact Copy of her Illustrious self) but in the fascination and witchery it darts through the Eyes into the Minds of Men; you cannot but pay homage to it, but let that Tribute re­deem [Page 48]you from a Total Con­quest.

You have heard the Compa­rison, How a Fair Wife is like a brave House without Furni­ture, you may please your self with the Prospect, but there's nothing within to keep you warm. Remember therefore that it is but Clay more refined, and set off with a better varnish, and being all on the out-side, lies more open and obnoxious to weather, and consuming time, and very often to present mis­fortunes; while that which is internal stands the shock, resists the Battering Rams, and like a strong fortified Garrison en­dures all brunts, when the o­ther (like Darius his glittering Troops) is but a weak and gay [Page 49]Army, ready to be vanquish'd at the first Onset, and Encoun­ter.

Money is the sinew of Love, as well as War, without which you can do nothing happy in Wedlock. The other are Court Cards, but are not of the trump suit, and are foiled by every sneaking Misadventure; Ver­tue is supprest, and cannot emerge and dilate it self in the straights of a narrow Fortune, and Beauty is constrained and betrayed to the necessity of keeping it so, 'tis otherwise in a pinching Condition; leanness and dead paleness will usurp the place, where full blown Roses sate with Love before.

Nor was it ever known, that a Beautiful Woman driven to want, escaped the Offers and Importunities of Men, who, un­der pretence of pitying and suppressing her distresses, by degrees have gained on her Honour and Chastity, while she satisfies her self, that out of gratitude she could no less than to comply with their de­sires and importunities.

I do much approve of Cross Marriages, I mean between Great Families that have been at enmity together, believing it to be the best cement to glue and fasten them to Love and Concord, for 'tis certain the [Page 51]Great Pompey and Caesar had not kept so long Friends, had it not been for the requiting duty; though I would not have them Marry in such Proximity as the House of Au­stria matches; by the Race we guess of the Production. Sortes (says Horace) creantur fortibus & bonis, and that adds a firm Monument to both Houses, be­ing so incorporated into one another. However Men reckon it for Glory in Heraldry, to bear almost the whole Arms of the Kingdom in one Escut­cheon. Methinks Honour there looks like a River, which, branched into several Rivolets, loseth it self in them; where­as [Page 52]Streams that take in another large confluent, carry all be­fore them, and run directly into the Ocean, and disem­bogue themselves with a name.

If you are not affected that way, there is variety enough in England; but whatever you do, consult with your honour first, do not embase your blood with matching below you, it will soon breed distaste and dislike in your self, which will cause Malice and Revenge in her, and entail contempt and scorn upon your Issue and Po­sterity; such Embraces will be like the twining of the Ivy a­bout [Page 53]the Oak, suck up moi­sture from the Root, while the Branches are withered, and the Stock falls to the ground, ne­ver like to re-flourish again: As you match your Peer in Honour, let her be so in years, a difference in Age is a secret fire raked up for a time, but will afterwards break out and consume your quiet, when ei­ther your desires and strength answers not the vigour of the younger.

The Sparkles will then flye with such violent colisions and clashings, that will soon set your Family in combustion.

After your choice made and [Page 54]pitcht upon, and a Vow past, keep your self religiously to it, knowing there can be no dis­pensation from it, and nothing but misery, joyned with shame and repentance is the conse­quence.

In the State of Marriage carry your self affectionate and discreetly; and keep strict­ly the Rites of it, that no jea­lousie, the Canker of Conju­gal Love, fret the Knot which fastned you together; owe nothing to one another in zeal and fervency of affection, which will soon beget such a mutual confidence, that the rest of your life will be but [Page 55]an advantageous repetition of your first joys, and add num­ber to your content and pleasures, as well as to your years.

As to the use of Marriage, you your self when you come to't will be the best judge of your own performance; this let me tell you, ought to be a moderate and conscionable de­light. A Great Philosopher tells us, A Man ought to approach his Wife in fear, lest too wan­tonly provoking her desires, the pleasure thereof make her ex­ceed the bounds of reason.

And too hot and too fre­quent [Page 56]an iteration of that pleasure hinders Generation; and on the other side, you ought seasonably to offer your self, lest she become languish­ing, Barren, and subject to o­ther distempers commonly in­cident to that Sex.

Let not the secrets of Mar­riage pass beyond the Bed-Chamber, for he little re­gards his own Honour, or his Wives Chastity, who bla­zes or discovers what is done there: And no slyer Debau­chery is there to Women, than what by such luxuriant freedom of their Husbands tongues is prompted to their [Page 57]warm desires, and strong and wandering imaginations.

In this great Affair, all that I can do is this, to pray and wish for your good success, and commend you to him who only is able to grant it you.

Of HOƲSE-KEEPING, and HOSPITALITY.

THIS is a Generosity very requisite to all Gentlemen, especially to the Nobility; and the most con­vincing Argument and De­monstration they are so. It is as well respected for the Quality, as the Quantity, according to every Man's Condition. You may be as free in a Moderate Enter­tainment, as in all the Exces­ses and Superfluities of your Table, which then becomes a [Page 59]snare, when it should be a kindness.

Hospitality has not only obtained the Eulogies of the most Eminent Divines, as St. Ambrose, St. Chrysostome, and others, but of the most Fa­mous Philosophers. Plato de Legibus very largely discour­ses of the necessity of it, and withall, informs us, that all unkindness shewn to stran­gers, is done against God himself, who will be sure to revenge their Cause. The Account that the Antient Romans made of this, may very well be discovered by the Name Xenius, which they attributed to Jupiter, which [Page 60]without doubt they received from the Greeks, Hom. Odys. [...].’ From hence the Saying of Fides Jovis hospitalis Cicero ad Quintum fratrem. Non faciam ut illam offendam, ne Imploret fidem Jovis hospitalis. And in the 6 Chap. of the 2 Macchab. verse 2. we read how Antio­chus ordered them to Pollute the Temple of Jerusalem, and to call it the Temple of Ju­piter Olympius, and that in Garizim the Temple of Jupi­ter (Hospitalis) the defence of Strangers.

And among the many qua­lifications [Page 61]St. Paul in his Epi­stle to Timothy, Cap. 3. de­sires in a Bishop, is, that he be given to Hospitality.

I will not trouble you with any long Discourse upon this Subject, but briefly deliver my Advice how I would have you behave your self in this affair. In general, I would have you imitate your Ancestors, and love Hospitality; and to this purpose keep constantly at home, except urgent and necessary Occasions call you thence. The Entertainment your House will afford Stran­gers, though it be never so ample and abundant, will want that Condiment, and Sauce of Hospitality, your [Page 62]Company. Men usually affect the Company of their Land­lord, though they pay for't; much more will the honour of your presence commend the frank and liberal Enter­tainment, to the gratitude of all Persons who shall resort to your House and Table.

Be not only Courteous your self to Strangers, but take care that your Servants be so too; kind reception and courteous admittance is as necessary before Meat, as digestion after it; and he that will have thanks for his En­tertainment when 'tis past, must bespeak it before it be­gin at his Board, that his Victuals and Cheer be but a [Page 63]rumination of his first kind­ness, and that his Porch be as free as his Hall. Keep a­bout you therefore no mo­rose or ill natur'd Servants, and as neer as you can re­tain Men of a good Aspect, and of sair and Civil demean­our; such will not only be an Ornament and an Ho­nour to you, but of much advantage: For as on the one side it will invite Persons of Quality and Civility to you, so on the other it will shame and deter the ruder and more ungovern'd sort of Peo­ple, who meeting with such distonaut Humours, will either wholly abstain from you, or soon be Civiliz'd.

When you once have pro­cured and surnished your self with such Servants, tie them to your Interests by Love, for since Slavery was banisht Christendom, a Servant is no other than one hired to such employment, and under such terms as he thinks fit to oblige himself. The difference therefore betwixt the Master and Servant is not so very great, for none can compel another to serve him against his will; nor can I contract with him for his Service, but he at the same time will bar­gain with me for his Sallary. I take him under my Roof, I make Provision for his Su­stenance, preserve him from hunger, cold, &c. and what [Page 65]doth he for this? he serves me, yes he does, and does not he serve himself at the same time, nay, do not I serve him? The same labour he would undergo in his own House to maintain himself, and perhaps with greater anxi­ety, what in mine he doth with ease and pleasure.

Therefore I can term this service nothing but a compact betwixt the Rich and the Poor, for the mutual assistance and advantage. Therefore let your Commands be accord­ing to reason and sweetness; not so imperiously, or with such opprobrious language as may justly discontent and chase away a Servant; if he obey [Page 66]with chearfulness and affection, he may at length make your interest his own.

But above all things, I con­jure you (my dear Child) to avoid Intemperance in drink. Luxury in feeding seldom carries men beyond their sto­mach and discretion, though never so many provocations be used to lure them on; but in the abundance of Wine Men are sottishly transported beyond themselves, and the excess of it makes Men the more covetous and raging after it, especially where they think or find they cannot be welcome, unless they comply with your humour, and can requite your charges no o­ther [Page 67]way than by the loss and deprivation of their sense and modesty.

Drunkenness isEpistol. 83. somewhere by Se­neca said to be nothing else than a voluntary madness. I need not give you Instan­ces for Ancient as well as Modern History, and daily experience testi [...]ie the Incom­modities it often reduce Men to; we not only by this lose the pleasure of Society, but ruine our bodily health as well as our eternal welfare.

Cum vini vis penetrant,
Consequitur gravitas Membro­rum, praepediuntur.
[Page 68]
Crura vacillauti, tardescit lin­guae, incidet mens.
Nant oculi, Clamor, singultus, Jurgia gliscunt.
Lucretius lib. 3.

'Tis a vice which is so much the greater by reason it wants the temptation that other sins commonly have to attenuate the Guilt. For I believe there are but few in England that agree to the humour of a young Fellow, who being in company with some of his Comrades, bid one of them drink about, and swore that talking spoiled Company. This custom of drinking hard we [Page 69]should the more despise, because we first receiv'd it from the thickest sculd People in the World; (and thus says Seigneur Montaigue) Vices discompose the Understanding; this to­tally overthrows it, and ren­ders the Body stupid and in­capable of a Generous Per­formance. I would there­fore have you detest that barbarous German Mode of Drinking to Victory, by a beastly subduing of those whom you have invited, and humanely wellcomed, and bid to your Table: 'Tis one of the greatest Vices our Gentry hath brought from thence, amidst all those Tro­phies [Page 70]they deservedly gain­ed there, and therefore the more caution is to be used, lest it insinuate it self easily by their Conserse, whose Company you shall do well always to esteem as an Ho­nour, but yet use your own Discretion, and my Expe­rience, as an Antidote a­gainst that poisonous humour. Suffer no Person to depart your House in discontent or anger, that shall not by rudeness, or some other un­hospitable way deserve your disrespect; and on the other side, permit no tumultuous or disorderly Persons to remain within.

Every ordinary Man's House is his Castle, but a Nobleman's is that, and a Palace both, where there is reverence due to you, as well as a bare Power and Command: On publick Anniversary Thanks­giving days you must expend above your ordinary Provi­sions. The Solemnity due to those Festivals, takes its weight from the observation of the Nobility, whose Magnificen­cies at those times are the most forcible impressions to make the People remember and call to mind the mercies and favours of such days. This will more es­pecially concern you who are to be an Example of Loyalty and Prudence to the People about you.

But be most sure that the Poor, whose Condition will not suffer them within your doors, may not be out of your heart, but that a constant Care and Provision be made for them; from whom I'm very sure you'll find the greatest re­turns and thanks, if not by them, yet for them.

Of the COƲRT.

THE Court is a place difficult of access, shut up with Rocks, Shallows, and Sands, and not one Ad­venturer in twenty comes off a saver. Besides 'tis a place of a most uncertain Air, full of Damps and Exhalations, spread with Clouds, and o­ver-cast, and sometimes a­gain scorching hot in the sudden rise and depression of Favourites. But if your Cu­riosity shall invite you to the Danger, and time look with [Page 74]a favourable Aspect upon you, remember these Obser­vations of mine, who have both at distance and at close view well considered it. First then, as to the favour of your Prince, which is the most desirable thing in the world, 'tis rather an illust­rious care than a contented possession; nor do wise men ever busie themselves about it, because the tranquillity of Spirit which they seek for, is not to be found amidst the confusions of the Court: And to guard a Mans self from the misfortunes there, and the Envy, which the gra­ces of Princes, do contract upon their Favourites; there [Page 75]is no way better than Pri­vacy and Retiredness. Cor­nelius Nepos tells us in the Life of Datames, how that he having by his celerity and dispatch, acquir'd the Grace and Favour of the King; incurr'd no less En­vy from the Courtiers, who took it ill to see him more made of and cherisht than they were, and for this ve­ry reason agreed together to oppress and ruine him.

You must know, that 'tis meer Humane Weakness, which causes Princes to raise Favourites, to aid and support them in the weight and multitude of Affairs, [Page 76]and sometimes in such Se­crets, which are heavier upon the mind than all the rest; the sad Effect whereof every Age hath given an example. You must at your entrance resolve to encounter the Accosts of Contempt, Scorn, Discon­tents and Repulses, with a bold and well setled Re­solution, and take no notice of Slightings and Injuries done you by the great ones: A thing always judged grie­vous to a generous mind, and yet these are ordinarily the steps to Preferment. 'Twas a true Answer made by an Old Courtier, to one who ask'd him this Questi­on, [Page 77] Quomodo rarissimam rem in aula consecutus est Se­nectutem? How he arriv'd to so great an Age at Court? Why says he, Injurias ac­cipiendo, & gratias agendo. By bearing Injuries and re­turning Thanks. If you find favour at Court, be­ware your Covetousness af­ter new Boons make you not forget the old ones; and if you receive denial, guard your self, that the distast be not more preva­lent, to run you into Acti­ons of dangerous Conse­quence, than Reason can be to keep you in Duty. Ex­traordinary Diligence, and affected Assiduity are to no [Page 78]purpose, whereby Men think to further their Advance­ment: On the contrary, if Men neglect and seem careless of promotion, at­tending when the merit of their Actions shall offer it them; Time or Fortune seldom fail to conduct them to true and permanent Ho­nour. A Cholerick Person is not fit to be a Cour­tier, for if he should go a­bout to revenge himself of the Indignities, and Tricks put upon him, he shall suffer more in an hour than he shall be satisfy'd for in ten Years.

You must do at Rome [Page 79]what others do there; be sure to sing no other Airs than those which please the Prince. 'Twas Solons com­parison of Courtiers, who resembled them to Coun­ters, with which Men use to cast Accompt; for as in changing their Places, they stand some times for more, and sometimes less, so Prin­ces do the same with them, now advancing them in Honour and Dignity, and presently debasing them at their Pleasure to the scorn and derision of all Men. So that it is truly said, That Men have an opportunity of losing themselves at Court, and finding themselves at home.

Old Courtiers are like old Ships, brought into Harbour and there laid up, never to be put to Sea to any new Adventure.

'Twas a very Sarcastical saying of one at Court (says he) are Bishops and Priests to Baptize and change Names; for there the Vain­glorious and Ambitious Man is call'd honourable; the Prodigal, Magnificent; the Coward, wise; the Malicious, Subtle; the Adulterous, A­morous; the Covetous, Pro­vident; and what Confi­dence can any Man repose in Friends there, whose [Page 81]greatness renders them the more intractable; and as it is very difficult to find Ver­tue there, so it is much more so to keep it; he that sins and repents, and returns again to his sin, sins more grosly than at first; so to leave the Court and return thither again, is such an Error that is not excu­sable; save with this, that the return was to sell Vertue, and gain Wealth, since 'tis a great kindness of Fortune or a greatness of Vertue to escape that Gulf. Against the Envy of the Court, as against the Plague, there is no better preservative, than a Retreat, a Remedy often [Page 82]practised but with different success; it being very dan­gerous for popular Persons, and such as have had great Command to absent them­selves without leave or dismission, for it not only breeds suspicions and jealou­sies of their disaffection, and consequently of a Re­bellion, but likewise expo­ses them to the unobstruct­ed Designs and Malice of their Enemies, which sel­dom end but in Ruine. This is generally the Com­plaint of Courts, wherein you must understand there is not the least concurrence of the Prince to give any such cause for it, but that [Page 83]by Tradition, the Gran­dees as by a Rule; and e­ver since Monarchy was Court Arts have been, and can vye precedency with any Mystery.

I never knew any great Favourite, who practised any new ways of his own: Some have been nobler and more Mag­nificent than others, fre­er in access and more affable, but yet still kept close to their Court Max­ims, nor ever did their private Vertues gain up­on their publick Con­cerns.

It is possible a Man may acquire an Estate at Court, but it is more pro­bable that he may lose one; that which is got there, through how many Curses and Imprecations it passes? That which is lost, how many Tears and Deprecations attend it?

While you can therefore pay your Devotion, and your Loyalty to your Prince at home, and pro­bably be better accepted; what need have you of a dangerous and unnecessary Pilgrimage to the Shrine, to pay a Personal Adorati­on? [Page 85]Therefore my advice is, that (unless your Prince command your Personal at­tendance) you'd live at home among your Neigh­bours, where your Thoughts may be at harmony, and your quiet uninterrupted.

Of FRIENDSHIP.

IN Friendship, you are not to use a Ranging Liberty, suspicion on the one hand, and reason of State on the other forbid­ding it. But yet what you want in the Multitude of Friends, who like flyes fast­en on the sweets of Rich­es and Honour, will be ve­ry well compensated, if you have the happiness to find but one or two, whose af­fections are sincere and un­feigned; these far excel the [Page 87]many Cyphers which com­monly attend on Greatness. To make a right choice therefore, you must first propose to your self the In­constancy of Man, the most changeable Creature in the World, every breath of Wind forms him to a va­rious shape; think not therefore of making a Friendship fixt and Eter­nal.

How ardently have Men loved some, even beyond the desire of dying for them, when in a Moment as it were a hasty Ebullition of Choler, hath rendred them exceeding offensive, [Page 88]that hath sunk them into our hate and execration. The consideration of this will keep you from over­wearying any Man, and from a total trust and con­fidence in him, and beget in you a severest exercise, and consequently a firm­er relyance on your own Vertues and Abilities.

Nothing sooner corrupts or weakens Friendship, than an over hasty entertain­ment of it, as praecoce Fruit, which soonest withers and decays. Judgment is the only Cement that clo­ses and binds the affecti­ons of Men, where that's [Page 89]wanting, 'tis like building with untempered Mortar; the Structure like to totter and fall on our own heads. I never knew any so good and virtuous, but others have thought him vile and impious, and hated him; And contrarywise, none so bad and dissolute, but others have esteemed him honest and loved him, either the Ignorance, the Envy, or the partiali­ty of those that judge, do constitute a various Man: In some Report has anticipa­ted Judgment, in some an accident is the Cause and disposes us to love or hate. The Soul very often is led [Page 90]by secret and uninvestigable ways and motions to Love, and knows not why. But 'tis time alone and long tryal and probation which seldom fails to give right information, whereas Na­ture, Art, and Report, may deceive you: Of all Men a Coward and a Drunkard are the worst to make Friends of, for the one upon the least pro­bability of danger, will desert you, the other will divulge the Secrets you have disclosed to him. The little experience which you already have will (I fan­cy) somewhat inform your judgment; but for [Page 91]your better direction and guidance herein, I shall give you these properties of Friendship, which my long­er observation has found to be true Characters of it.

He who is really your Friend, will give you Coun­sel before you require it; and that's the reason a Man cannot keep a Friend by constraint, nor oblige Secre­cy by coertion.

Most Men regard their profit, and therefore use their Friends as Men do their Beasts, carefully at­tend [Page 92]and look after them, not out of Love to the Creature, but for their own proper Advantages. But they who do so, in friend­ship abridge themselves and want the most desirable fruition in the World, which is natural and reciprocal Amity.

He that loves you ex­treamly, will as extreamly hate you; moderate there­fore, and sober Friendship is most preferable; and since Friends must be had, if your Happiness be to find good ones, beware you incur not that unhappiness of changing them; he certain­ly [Page 93]is in the best condition that is furnished with the best Men for his Friends: Nevertheless, let no obliga­tion to them, cause you to dispense with your Con­science or Religion, and have always a care not to trust any thing to your most in­timate Friend, but what you cannot keep hid from time; for a small distaste and a little time will dis­cover those Faults, which many years have conceal'd.

Never submit to your Friend if he require of you any thing unlawful, and what you cannot with a safe Conscience grant; nor [Page 94]do you use Friends as we use Flowers, smell to them as long as fresh, green and fragrant, and then lay 'em aside; for so (com­monly) Friendships concili­ated by interest or fancy, usually terminate: But es­pecially beware of merci­nary Love, which always leaves you when your Mo­ney fails; whereas true af­fection is durable and e­ternal. Let your Vertues procure and get you Friends throughout the World; for Love's Arms will join the distant corners of the Uni­verse; and in your good Actions you'l not only en­joy a Complacency and Sa­tisfaction, [Page 95]but be a Presi­dent and Example to those about you.

Believe it, nothing will gain you so much Love and Respect, as your Upright­ness and sincerity; Great­ness was always suspicious, without some conspicuous proofs of a more than or­dinary Integrity. Nor will true Glory attend Deceit and Hypocrisy. You know how at Old Rome there was no passage to the Temple of Honour, but through the Temple of Vertue: NON ITƲR IN TEMPLƲM HONORIS, NISI PER TEMPLƲM VIRTƲ ­TIS. [Page 96]Intimating, that Glo­ry and Honour were not to be attained, but by ver­tuous Atchievements and Undertakings.

In a word, Let your Friends be also vertu­ous and honourable; for next to being so your self, nothing can be more pre­judicial to your Reputati­on, than to associate your self with, and keep com­pany with uncivil and scan­dalous Persons.

Of PLEASƲRE and IDLENESS.

BY your recess from the Publick Businesses of State, you will be the more apt and prone to fall into some Supineness and Negli­gence, and indulge your self to some inordinate Plea­sures, to which Men especi­ally of your Age, are natu­rally very subject, except you keep a very strict guard over your Inclinations and Affections.

Remember therefore that great and worthy Actions were never founded in vain Delights, and that nothing is less generous than Pleasures, which mollifies and effemi­nates Manhood and cor­rupts the Seeds of Vertue and Courage.

But of all Pleasures to which our Age is given, a­void and take heed of Gam­ing, that vain and yet most bewitching Temptation, a Vice which has alienated many fair Estates and Pos­sessions from ancient Fami­lies; a Vice so extravagant, where a Man casts a Die [Page 99]whether his Estate shall be his own or not, by its ex­traction you may guess its Goodness, born (as I may say) in a dissolute Camp, where its first stake was the price of Life. I have be­fore hinted to you, what Recreations and Sports most befit a Gentleman, and in this what misbecomes him. I might say more against this abominable Vice, but I hope this will be suffi­cient. I remember, That Dan. Souter from Guil. Stuckius, endeavours to prove, That the playing at Dice contradicts and vio­lates all the Ten Com­mandments; I'm sure it [Page 100]does a great many: And our Countrey-man Joh. Sa­lisburiensis in his Polycrati­con, says very well, Menda­ciorum Mater est alea: And St. Cyprian had writ a whole Discourse against this very thing. Tacitus tells us, That the Germans were so given to this Play, that when they had lost all their Money and E­states at it, they'd stake their Bodies and Liberty; for which, as Tully says, a good Man ought chiefly to contend.

In the next place, I would advise you to avoid all Drinking Clubbs, and [Page 101]that which is now stiled Good Fellowship; for these Bacchanalia are as bad a­gain as the former, if not worse. This will present­ly bestialize you, and take away the Signature God hath stampt upon you. A Drunkard! I cannot name it without abhor­rence and detestation; it will divest you of your na­ture, and not leave you one spark of Honour, but that as well as your Estate will sink into that Deluge of Ebriety. 'Twas observ'd by Cato, That none came to the Destruction and o­verthrow of that State so­ber, but Caesar only: Most [Page 102]certain it is, That none shall be called to the main­taining of a State, whose Debaucheries have rendred him uncapable of governing himself.

The Converse of ill Wo­men is altogether to be shunned, lest you be fasci­nated by their Beauty and Subtleties, to the ruine of your eternal Welfare here­after, as well as your E­state here. Several Men esteem it no little Felicity to enjoy the Company of fine Women, but they con­sider not to what Dangers they oblige themselves, and what Burthens they im­pose [Page 103]upon themselves, to the secret ruine of their Fortunes; for nothing is so chargeable as an impe­rious Beauty.

Neither seek nor enter­tain Pleasures when they present themselves in their gaudy Bravery, but with a Noble Constancy keep your mind fast shut a­gainst their Charms and Allurements.

Field Recreations, as they more conduce to your Bo­dily Health, so they give you but little time to in­dulge your Genius other­wise.

It has been disputed whether to do ill or to do nothing, male agere aut nihil agere, be the worst. And Seneca tells us, Melius est a­liud agere quàm nihil, that 'tis better to do things tho' to little purpose, than sit Idle. The life of Man re­sembles Iron, which being wrought into Instruments, and used, becomes bright and shining, but unwrought, is consum'd and eaten by rust; or like a field which being Tilled and Manured, rewards the pains of the covetous Husband-Man, but if neglected, produces nought but unwholsome [Page 105]Herbs, and unprofitable Weeds. So it is with Noble Persons, if they stir themselves, and employ their parts in the service of their Country, or in o­ther honourable Employ­ments, they become con­spicuously Glorious. In­dustry instead of impairing, preserves a Mans health, when nothing is more de­trimental to it, or more dishonourable in it self than ignoble Ease. The Title or Character Ho­race bestows upon an idle Person, I think is very pertinent and agreeable. Telluris inutile pondus.

Nothing in the Universe stands still, the Heavens, and those Orbs of Light, are in perpetual motion, and though the Earth per­haps moves not Spheri­cally, (as Copernicus fancied) yet there is a continual Motus in that too in her Productions: An idle Man is a Mare mortuum, like standing Water which stagnates and Corrupts.

I do not in the least ad­mire to see Gentlemen given to the vicious Courses and Debaucheries of Life, see­ing they affect a lazy Greatness, without the props [Page 107]of Employment to support it.

The Philosophers tell us how Virtue consists in Action, and there is an old Motto acquiesces as much, in motu Melos. This we all find, that your active and brisk Souls are the most agreeable to Society and Conversation, while your dull and Phlegmatick Person is neither fit for o­ther Peoples Company, nor his own.

If you grow not better by employing your self, yet this benefit will cer­tainly accrue to you, that [Page 108]'twill keep you from being worse; by your not ha­ving leisure to entertain sug­gestions of Evil from with­out. There is a kind of good Angel waiting upon diligence, that ever carries a Laurel in his hand to Crown her; and Fortune according to the Ancients, was not to be prayed to, but with the hands in motion. And Plato says truly [...]. That the Sluggard or idle person is worthy of no reward or en­couragement. How unwor­thy was that Man of the World or the enjoyments of it, that never did ought but lived and dyed.

There's a Story of Ser­vilius Vacia an extraordina­ry rich Roman, who hating all business or Employ, left the City, and spent his Life at a Villa of his own near Cumae, and was known for nothing else but for his lazy Life, there­fore several People, when incumbred with Business, would very often cry out O Vacia, you only know how to live. Seneca condemn­ing the Supineness and Ig­nominious Laziness of this Person, said, that he knew not how to live, but to lye hid; and often pas­sing by his Villa would [Page 110]jocosely say, Hic situs est Vacia, intimating, that there was no difference in being dead and living after that fashion.

It is therefore none of the ordinaryest happinesses to be endued with a Mind that loves Noble and Virtuous Exercises.

Of CONVERSATION.

IN this affair I'm very sensible you'l have no little need of my Advice and Counsel, and in the first place, I shall treat a­bout Civility, for want of which, I have known ma­ny great Persons trusting too much to their Justice and severe Virtues, have been utterly ruined and un­done; and several Persons of great Parts and Abili­ties, for want of civil Ad­dress and Compliance, have [Page 112]become useless in their ge­neration. And others, by their surly and uncomply­ant humour, render them­selves distasteful to Society, and from thence fall into contempt and hatred of all Men; and from thence, not only bring dishonour upon themselves but their Fa­mily and Parents, upon their Country likewise, if they happen amongst stran­gers, they will be apt to censure hardly of that Na­tion, whose Gentry is so little Civiliz'd. Therefore you are to take an extraor­dinary care of your Car­riage in Conversation, es­pecially in our Cities and [Page 113]Courts, where are Persons of greater and more pier­cing Spirits, and more cu­rious observers; and no Man in these Places can expect to live, except he sometimes mortifie his own Humour and Incli­nation.

You are to imitate in this Affair the Courtier, who for his Interest com­plys with every one, is always gay, chearful and Complaisant, and makes this his humour to borrow the Companies. 'Twill be one great part of Civility, not to resent every word or Action, which perhaps [Page 114]rationally may be interpre­ted to be disesteem or un­dervaluing. And I like a story of a Gentleman, who when one told him how such a one affronted him, answered, but he has not, for I will not be af­fronted.

This perhaps some will esteem as pusillanimity, but what ever they look upon it to be; I'm sure 'tis great­er prudence, for revenge is but a poor satisfaction, which makes me Extream­ly admire at the Extrava­gance of some of our No­bility and Gentry, who think their honour enga­ged [Page 115]to require satisfaction for the smallest Injury i­maginable; and from thence proceed to the Sword, where if it happens that one be mortally wounded (as it very often does) the other, except the Mercy and Cle­mency of the Prince inter­pose, by becoming obnoxi­ous to the Laws, brings upon himself an Ignomini­ous death, and a disgrace and infamy to his Po­sterity.

I reckon not Civility, to consist in certain modish and particular Ceremonies and fashions in Cloaths, Gesture, Meen, Speech or [Page 116]punctuality of behaviour; it is not using such Dis­courses, Words, Phrases, Games, as are in fashion at Court with Gallant La­dies, &c. This is a con­strained formality, but Ci­vility ought to be built upon the Basis of Pru­dence, and Charity, which are to perpetuity unchange­able.

I reckon Complements but a poor piece of Civili­ty, because it proceeds from a different Cause; Civility from Sincerity and Vertue, these from Dupli­city and Deceit. He that uses them most, believes [Page 117]not himself; and by think­ing to make them believe, they are directed to, exposes himself to their Derision. He is always very ready to promise, not so to per­form, asking pardon where there is no Offence nor Necessity, &c. These are imaginary Services, notion­al and impertinent Humi­liations; a solemn Non­sence, an abusing of Lan­guage, a putting together many good words to signi­fie nothing. The use of this Traiterous Discourse is only fit for Trades-men, who love to keep you in talk lest you should too narrowly examine the [Page 118]Wares they would put up­on you.

Let this also in your Conversation be a great part of your care, to avoid all manner of Affectation and Singularity; for what­ever is according to nature is best, and what contrary to it always distastful, and betrays Vanity and Indis­cretion: A seeming Negli­gence is very graceful, but a constrainedness or seem­ing to do, with design or study undervalues an Acti­on; and nothing is more absurd and foolish than an affected Negligence.

Pride, Insolence, Stateli­ness and Imperiousness, are not Signs or Qualifications of a Gentleman, but the Scandals of Conversation; when Civility and Affabi­lity are the greatest Mag­netisms in the World, a conforming ones self to the innocent Humours and In­firmities sometimes of o­thers, and readiness to do Courtesies for all: Not on­ly in Conversation, but in the whole management of your Life, Prudence will be your best and greatest Assistant; this therefore de­pending upon Experience, without which no Man of [Page 120]ever so great Capacity, can any more arrive to be a wise Man than Fruit to Maturity, without time. Ex­perience is either of other Men, which we see read, or hear, or of our own Affairs. This is the har­sher Mistress, and happy is he that can arrive to Per­fection, tho in his Old Age. Conversing much makes a Man bold and confident, and engaging in business fits for more.

There is a vast difference between Prudence and Cun­ning; The Prudent Man deals so sincerely, that he neither dreads nor fears the [Page 121]Examination of his Actions or Purposes, and is not afraid to have Witnesses, if it were possibly of his Thoughts. The Cunning measures Justice by escap­ing Punishment, Wisdom by Success, Reputation by Wealth or Power, and the satisfaction of others by his own Interest: He uses Artifices, as taking advan­tage of the Person if in ne­cessity or in danger, if weak or ignorant; he watches the time if in drink, if de­jected, if inadvertant, if easie; he pretends great kindness and affection in general Expressions, or par­ticular ambiguous ones, or [Page 122]such as he will not be ob­liged by; his great Engine is a smooth Tongue, and a competent stock of Wit.

'Tis a great piece of Pru­dence to be jealous, and suspect our selves, lest we run away too hastily with a Likelihood instead of Truth, and abound too much in our own sense.

Many Vices, tho' con­trary, yet are like to Ver­tues: The confines of both are the same, and the ex­act Limits and Boundaries difficultly fixt; as of Pride and Greatness of Spirit, Re­ligion and Superstition, [Page 123]Quickness and Rashness, Government and Tyranny, Liberty and Licentiousness, Subjection and Servitude, Covetousness and Frugali­ty, &c. And yet Prudence chiefly consists in this very exactness of Judgment, to discern the one from the o­ther, and give to every Cause it's proper Actions and Effects.

It is therefore necessa­ry for every one to ob­serve his own Actions and the Original of them, his Thoughts and Intenti­ons with great care and circumspection; he must o­therwise despair of ever ar­riving [Page 124]to any tolerable knowledge of what he doth well or ill.

I have before advised you to abstain from the Socie­ty of debauched and scan­dalous Persons, to these I shall add the Railers, whose chiefest pleasure and delight consists in exposing others to contempt and derision, either by imitating their Actions, or Imperfections, or by jeering and mocking them; him I would have you avoid as you would the Heels of an Horse that kicks every one he can reach; if you cannot, take the part of the abused; [Page 125]blame the Action, spare the Person; or if the Person be known, excuse the Acti­on; if neither can be done, praise the Person for some other good Action or Quality; so you have an Antidote against the Poy­son.

There is not in my opi­nion, a greater Enemy to Peace and Charity, than the Railer; for as ordi­nary Claudius accusat Maechos, so one Jeer seldom but re­turns with its equal, which together produce a Quar­rel; besides, to abuse Infe­riours, argues a mean and contemptible Spirit; Supe­riours [Page 126]is dangerous. To a­buse a Friend is to lose him, a Stranger to lose your self in the Worlds e­steem. Near of Kin, to these are the Drolls who turn all to Ridiculousness, but I think themselves most. There is nothing so sacred and prudent, which by the petulancy of Wit, may not be made ridiculous, and consequent­ly contemptible.

The Holy Scriptures I have heard to have been Burlesqu'd by those who spare neither their Souls nor Reputation to prove themselves Buffoons, and [Page 127]shew their Abilities an in­genious Folly: And these whilst they think to fool others, become themselves really what others are in their Imagination.

The most innocent, grace­ful and universal Discourse, is telling Stories, and Mo­dern rather than Ancient; some I have known so ve­ry excellent in this, as to parallel any case by some piece of History. This if well done, is a very great Perfection of Eloquence and Judgment, and will render your Company grateful and desirable, by Persons of Sense and Learning.

I shall now end, only to the rest, whose Correspon­dence and Society I would have you shun, add the Flatterer, who by observing the Actions and Discourses of their pretended Patron, discover his Inclinations, as Hunters do the haunts of wild Beasts, the more easily to entrap them. It is their interest he should be vici­ous, careless, irregular, and extravagant, for by that means they can more easi­ly withdraw him from all vertuous Persons, and in­gross him to themselves, who have no other way to ingratiate themselves, but [Page 129]their ready compliance with all his desires. This they endeavour should pass for Affection to his Person; and they represent all other Ad­visers either as contemners of him, or at best of mo­rose ungentiel Humour: Therefore they pretend to Idolize him, to observe his Counsels and Commands as Oracles, not to converse with those he suspects, to inveigh against his Enemies; to make him their Mouth, and themselves even in their own Affairs ruled by him; to take great content in serving him; to praise him immoderately before those who will be sure to inform [Page 130]him of it; to exaggerate every small Favour received from him, and to dissem­ble the Injuries.

They are also careful to new-name all his Vi­ces; Debauchery they call Merriment; Jealousie Circumspection; Prodiga­lity Generosity, &c. They feign also in themselves, the like Inclinations, Sym­pathy, and Sentiments with their Patron, and often un­dervalue themselves in res­pect to him. They are also apt to praise him, for what he hath not done, or extravagantly for what he hath done, glossing [Page 131]and putting a Varnish o­ver all Miscarriages, &c. and few there are who escape this Bait. For who is he who values not him­self above his deserts, and thinks not all is his due which is given? In rea­lity, the refusing or accep­ting of Praise rationally and discreetly, is as great a Tryal of a Wise Man, as the Cupel is of Silver. My Concern for the Mis­carriage of a late young Kinsman of ours, who was ruined meerly by hearken­ing to the adulations of such Parasites, and forsook the advises of his Friends and nearest Relations have [Page 132]made me be more punctu­al in describing the craft and subtilty of these wick­ed Men, whose Conversa­tion is not only Ignomini­ous in the sight of this World, but will make you Eternally Miserable in the next.

I have here (my dear Son) sent you my Advice for the management and Conduct of your self, in the most important Af­fairs of this World.

They are not in such a method as I could wish they were, and as I thought at first to have reduc'd [Page 133]them, but my Employ­ment in the Publick Affairs of the Nation would not permit me to place these my Admonitions in so ac­curate a method as I in­tended, by diverting my Thoughts to look after my other Business. Yet I be­lieve I have omitted but little of what I should have said, and dare promise my self that among these lines you may pick out what will be of use to you in your most especial Con­cerns.

As to your Behaviour in the University, I have altogether left you to the [Page 134]Management of your Tu­tor, whose Advices and Admonitions if you fol­low, I'm sure I need not despair of receiving such a return as all your Friends and my self expect from you.

This I charge you up­on my Blessing, not to neglect the Publick Pray­ers in your College, from which nothing but sick­ness ought to give you a dispensation. By this you will be an Example to all the other Gentlemen of your Society, and oblige all good Men to be your Friends; add joy to your [Page 135]Relations and be the great­est Comfort in this World to

Your Affectionate and Loving FATHER.

A CATALOGUE OF BOOKS Worth the Perusing.
Sold by the Booksellers of London and Westminster.

  • 1. ADvice to a Daugh­ter under these fol­lowing Heads, viz. Reli­gion, &c.
  • [Page]2. The Works of Edmund Spencer, Esq; Containing his Fairy Queen, &c.
  • 3. A Weeks Exercise pre­paratory towards a worthy Reception of the Lords Supper, in Meditations, Prayers and Ejaculations, before, at, & after the holy Communion; also Rules and Exercises how to live well after it. The second Edition.
  • 4. Sophonisba or Hanibals o­verthrow. Written by Nat. Lee.
  • 5. The State of Innocence, or the Fall of Man, an Opera. [Page]written by Mr. John Dry­den, in Heroick Verse.
  • 6. Advice to a young Lord, written by his Father, under these following Heads, viz. Religion, Stu­dy and Exercises, Travel, Marriage, Housekeeping, and Hospitality, of the Court, of Friendship, of Pleasure and Idleness, and of Conversation.
  • 7. Milton's Paradise Lost, in Twelve Books, Fol. with Cutts.
  • 8. Love for Money, or the Boarding-School, shewing the Folly of those that [Page]put their Children there­in, and also exposing the subtilty of Jilts about London, &c. A Come­dy, written by T. D. Gent.
  • 9. The Visions of Don Fran­cisco de Quevedo Villegas, Knight of the Order of St. James: Made Eng­lish by Sir R. L.
  • 10. The Essays or Coun­sels, Civil and Moral, of Sir Francis Bacon, Lord Verulam, Viscount St. Al­ban, with a Table of the Colours of Good and E­vil, whereunto is added [Page]the Wisdom of the An­cients.
  • 11. Lively Oracles given to us, or the Christians Birth-right and Duty, in the Custody and Use of the Holy Scripture, by the Author of the Whole Duty of Man.
  • 12. Ovid's Metamorphosis Englished, by George San­dys. The Eighth Edi­tion.
  • 13. A Dialogue concerning Women, being a Defence of the Sex. — Written to Eugenia.
  • [Page]14. Plutarch's Morals, Trans­lated by several hands.
FINIS.

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