TAlk no more of that? you ſhall never perſwade me, that we are able to judg what is good for the Health of the Body, and far leſs that we know, what is to be done, to preſerve, or to reſtore it, when it is out of order or loſt.

Were Reaſon here, we ſhould hear another kind of Language.

I queſtion very much that: For if Phyſicians skillful and Learned as they are, call others to their aſſiſtance when they themſelves are ſick; how can ſilly Reaſon that never ſtudied, nor took a Degree, underſtand Diſeaſes, diſtingui •… Symptomes, and proceed to a Cure.

If the Degree made the Docto •… Phyſicians of whom you ſpeak, woul •… know their own Diſeaſes, and Cur •… themſelves. There can be no greate •… ſign of their ignorance, than the •… begging aſſiſtance of others. Can 〈…〉 Lawyer know the matter of Fact bette •… than the Party? on ſuch occaſions th •… queſtion is not, how to gild the Pil •… but how to Plead the Cauſe; and that 〈…〉 a thing very well worth the labour. 〈…〉 is our Life that is concerned, and hav •… we any thing more precious? Conclu •… then with me, that the Body and Reaſo •… conſtituting but one and the ſame perſo •… there is a neceſſity that when tha •… ſuffers, this ſhould beſtir it ſelf for it •… relief.

Theſe Chimerical unions wer •… good in thoſe days, when the Husban •… and Wife were but one Body and on •… Soul; that time's paſt, and Reaſon i •… convinced that no Man knowing him ſelf, we muſt wholly truſt our Healt •… to thoſe who labour day and night t •… find out a Specifick and proper Remedy for every Diſtemper.

Ho, ho! where are the Phyſicians, that Study to find out Specificks for Diſeaſes? They are Singing Birds whoſe skill conſiſts only in a Note a Tone, or a Cant that ſignifies nothing at all.

That Note or Cant hath ſuch Charms though, that it may be ſaid to be a Gold Chain which links the Patients Ear to the Phyſicians Mouth.

What falſe ſteps do you cauſe Reaſon to make: How do you lead her out of the way that Nature hath preſcribed for enjoying perfect Health? How dangerous is it to be poſſeſſed with Prejudice, and not to ſee but with another Mans eyes? what have you got by delivering us over to the Colledge, is our Stomack the better for it? do I droop the leſs for it? Our feet are no longer able to carry us, and the nodes and knobs of our fingers deprive us of the uſe of our hands: See now, how the ſpecific Bills of your Doctors, have compleated the ruine, which your debauches began with pleaſure.

We know your Diſtempers and the cauſes of them better than you do. They proceed only from the bad temper of your Conſtitution, and a complication of your Infirmities. Could one quench the burning heat of your Bowels, without overcooling your Stomack? or rectify the tone of this, without overheating your upper Region?

Nay, rather ſay, that all our miſeries proceed only from the draining of our Veins, and the diverſity of poyſons that hath been given us: And that's the reaſon that in the midſt of our career we ſuffer all the pains and anxieties of the moſt decrepid and unfortunate Old Age.

If you ſuffer, blame the bad influences of your Aſcendant for it, and not your Phyſician, who hath always timed his Remedies by the moſt favourable Signs and Aſpects. Hold your peace then, or talk more diſcreetly.

We are much agreed upon the matter; for what have we hitherto done, but followed the inclination of Nature, and gran • ed the Heart and Stomack whatever they were pleaſed to demand?

You have not followed Nature, but your own Vicious inclinations; and all the complaiſance you have had, has been for your own irregular Appetites, and not for the Stomack and me: This had never been, if you had not made Reaſon tranſgreſs its bounds; but ſince by ſo doing, ſhe hath forgot her functions, it is my duty to tell you of it, that you make her reflect.

Know then that Nature ſo ſoon as a Child is Born, being willing to continue her work and carry it on to the end, which ſhe hath propoſed to her ſelf; gives the Stomack new Orders to demand Food, and the Intrails, to make good uſe of it. Now ſince Nature foreſees that they will ask for more Materials than they know what to do with, without altering or disfiguring her work; ſhe ſets over them at the ſame time in quality of an Overſeer or Conſervatour, that which is called Reaſon, with power to moderate the Appetites, and gently to excite all the ſeveral parts of the Body, diligently to mind their functions, upon pain of ſuſpenſion, nay, even of deprivation of Health.

What does all this tedious ſpeculation drive at?

To make yo • underſtand, that when Reaſon which wa • abſolute and independant becomes a ſlave, truſting others with the charge that was committed to her, all things are preſently out of order and in confuſion. Health wherein conſiſted the beauty of Life then retiring, we become deformed; our well days are gone, and maugre all the vain efforts of Reaſon, that too late ſees her errour, we are made a prey to Infirmities and Melancholy.

Can Reaſon Remedy every thing? where ſhe cannot be preſent in Perſon, her Lieutenants fight under her Banners; and in ſuch engagements, ſhe hath got the Victory ove • many Diſeaſes under the conduct and command of Phyſicians.

If it be ſo, you are much in the wrong, that you have not erected a Trophie to the Colledge: That was an acknowledgment due to the efficacy of its Remedies, and to the • kill it hath •… hown in doſeing and diſpencing them with ſo much exactneſs and circumſpection, that the blame was not to be laid at •… ts door, nor yours, if we be not, as is •… ommonly ſaid, cured of all Diſeaſes.

A new Body of the Colledge •… making, is not ſo good as an old one tha •… never paſt through their hands: Yet I d •… not deny, but that Phyſicians may b •… chance, cure ſome ſlight Diſtemper •… when they work upon a good Conſtitution, but it muſt be alſo acknowledge •… that we pay dear enough for the Cure.

What matters that, provide •… ye live?

Is that to •• ve, when we com •… out under the Doctor • h • nds, to leadi •… brittle and lang • iſhing l • fe, that f •… the leaſt deviation from the ſtrict rule •… they preſcribe, and wh • ch they the •… ſelves cannot obſerve, we fall into Relapſ •… worſe than the Diſeaſe. To undeceiv •… you then in one word, of the great opinion you have of the vaſt extent of their knowledge, and the infallibility of their Receipts. Know —

What can you ſay as to that, which I do not know?

That your Phyſicians, having conſumed upon a poor Patient, the whole ſtock of their ſhallow Art and method, without being able to Kill or Cure him: It is not enough for them to lay the blame upon the occult malignities that Reign in the Elements; but they muſt likewiſe quarrel with the Heavens and Stars. At length, to ſlip the collar, they leave off Preſcribing, and adviſe the Patient to a Milk diet, and if he find himſelf no better for it, they ſend him to Tunbridge or Epſom Wells, and then to his Native Air; for they are mighty glad that he ſhould dy out of the reach of his acquaintan • e. In the mean while the Patient gains by their Evaſions, and recovering his liberty, gets into the way of Nature again, and by that means eſcapes their Tyranny.

What pray, hath it done f •… me then?

Don't you as yet perceive, u •… grateful Heart, that the Faculty hat •… rejected the ſpeculation of urines, an •… truſts no more but to your motions 〈…〉 that they inſpire into her all the Oracle •… ſhe pronounces; do ye reckon th •… nothing?

Nay if it were poſſible leſs tha •… nothing.

And yet it is really true, tha •… Phyſicians now adays ground their co •… jectures, only upon the conſequence •… that they draw from the march of th •… Pulſe, and preſcribe nothing but according to the quality of the Blood whic •… they draw from the Veins.

Yes, he muſt needs know the better, ſeeing he rectifies Nature, and turns her as he pleaſes.

Who doubts but that Nature is helpful, and infallible in her operations, and that ſhe muſt be obſerved, and nothing done but in conjunction with her? but when there is need of Remedies, to whom can we better apply our ſelves than to Phyſicians who are her Children?

To Nature, I tell you, wh •… ſuggeſts what Remedies are fit for thoſe whom ſhe governs, which are ſo much the better and more pleaſant, that they are earneſtly deſired, and prepared by her own hand. It' • by that means alon •… that we procure a ſetled Health, which laſts 'till Nature untwiſting the threa •… of Life, makes Death as ſoft to us as our Sleep. Whereas your Phyſicians, having rent and torn us during the courſe of a long diſeaſe, deliver us up to Death amidſt a Thouſand pains and tortures.

Will you never let thoſe Gentlemen alone, whom you cannot reverence too much? could you without them, enjoy that pure and freſh Blood, which they have the goodneſs to renew every New Moon? without that prevention, you would be furniſhed with nothing but aduſt Blood, which would raiſe your choller every hour of the day. In fine, had it not been for them, you had long agoe been ſwallowed up by the vapours of your Spleen and Miſentery.

O Heavens! what gibberiſh is this I hear?

Nay, what Language is this I hear? once for all hold your peace, and remember that it belongs to Reaſon whom I repreſent to Command, and that it is your part to obey.

Alaſs! what conduct is this! what will become of us.

FRom whence come all theſe ſighs and ſobs? what's the cauſe of ſo great dejection? what is i •… that troubles you? is there no way left to comfort you? I have diſcharg'd my functions: I am free, out of all hurry, and though weak, yet in a condition to perform all that you can deſire of me •… Command then, what you would have done: Speak I pray: It ſeems you have forgot that ſadneſs is the Poyſon of the Heart. I muſt, coſt what it will, cheer you up.

You have already ſpoken to me of that Mrs. Prejudice, tell me, if you can, who ſhe is?

Why, ſhe is the Daughter of that famous Glutton who hath endeavoured a thouſand times to make you burſt at Table.

What of that Paraſite, whoſe approbation on a diſh, Epicures more eagerly court than a Glory-ſtarved Poet does the permiſſion of bringing into the World the ridiculous Brats of his Muſe.

But ſtill; by whom hath your Debauchee had that fooliſh Girl?

By the eldeſt Daughter of the Colledge.

What by that ſtinking naſty Pharmacy, Twin-Siſter to pale Phlebotomy, who by her old Husbands hath had Epilipſy, Palſy, and Apoplxey; not to mention Conſumpſion, Dropſy, and Jaundice, the beſt of which ſix is not worth a louſe?

By the very ſame, and that by this good token too, that ſhe went but Three Months with her, which was the cauſe that ſhe was called Prejudice or Prevention.

How Three Months! that's a thing unheard, it cannot be: Or elſe ſhe muſt have thought that a big belly was juſt like ſome kinds of Phyſick that ſhe gives, which comes away as ſoon as they are taken.

Can you deſire a more convincing argument? According to that Aphoriſm, a Child of Eight days might live, as well as a Child of Nine Months: But tell me what courſe has been taken to bring up that pre tended Abortive?

So ſoon as it was born, the Colledge took care of it.

Nay, that is not to be wondered at, for it is not of yeſterday that Grandfathers and Grandmothers dote upon their Grand-Children.

The firſt Nouriſhment they gave it was Phyſick, under colour of purging it from a venom that we bring into the world with us, which, as the Doctors ſay, early or late puts us in danger of Death. But all this precaution hath not hindred, but that Prejudice is at preſent grown alittle vain glorious Rattle-head, in a word, a giddy-brain'd thing, that takes pleaſure to ſpeak ſopperies, and to maintain them. Nevertheleſs, ſeeing ſhe takes it of her Father to be pleaſant Company at Table, and of her Mother, to cajole and flatter in ſickneſs; ſhe hath managed thoſe little talents ſo well, that Reaſon hath made her her Favourite.

Her Favourite?

Yes, her Favourite, and ſo much her Favourite, that I can no ways come to the knowledge of the ſentiments of Reaſon, but by her means.

We were ſo well governed without the help of Reaſon, during the firſt years of our Life; that one would think we might ſtill go on, and fulfill our courſe without her enterfering.

You may rely upon me, as much, if not more, than upon any other whoſoever.

But before you declare your ſelf openly againſt the Faculty, conſider with your ſelf if you be able, all of a ſudden, to ſhake off the habit of taking Phyſick; for I know very well you will be plyed firſt with Purgative-preſervatives, then with corroborative-digeſtives, and laſtly with carminitive-aperitives.

The truth is, this poor Body thinks it ſelf very happy, when it miſſes a day without Blood letting, or a luſty Doſe of Phyſick; and that it is excuſed for the Evening and Morning Service; that is to ſay, for a couple of Glyſters, with ſome uſual Pills for a prelude to Dinner and Supper, without which, they pretend we cannot live. Think what joy it would be, if we could free our ſelves from this ſlavery?

They pretend very ill, and all theſe panick fears do ſcare none but little Children: Wee'l remedy all theſe apprehenſions, meerly by laying a •… Embargo upon the mouth. But there is no time to be loſt, we muſt ſpeedily put our ſelves in a condition to baffle the attempts, that Prejudice will ſurely make to bring us under, ſo ſoon as ever ſhe comes to underſtand that we are Revolted againſt her.

That we may not be interrupted in the diſcovery of the ſecret that I intend to impart to you, and in the meaſures that we are to take; hinder your Appetite from making a noiſe, and ſhut all the doors ſo faſt, that nothing may be able to interrupt us. Above all things, let us have a care that the Liver ſuſpect nothing. I have ſome cauſe to miſtruſt him.

And I to complain of him. However the orders are given, you may ſay all you pleaſe; I liſten.

Know then that I have had a long conference with Prejudice, and got ſo little ſatisfaction therein, that I have reſolved no longer to ſubmit to the Government of that Favourite: That is not all; I have engaged the noble parts in our concerns, and generally all that live in the Region of circulation. Beſides, I have ſo well managed the Senſes, by the mediation of Common Senſe, that they are reſolved no more to hear not ſee Phyſicians, and far leſs to ſmell, touch or taſte any the leaſt thing that comes from them, ſo that they are all declared in our favours.

A fair Progreſs, indeed.

That is not all neither, I have ſo far prevailed with the Brain, who is provoked at the irregularities that Prejudice cauſes there, that he will follow all my motions. And I have puſht on the matter ſo far, that Sleep, which by turns diſpoſes of the whole Body as well as Reaſon; and if one dare ſay ſo, more abſolutely than ſhe; hath promiſed me, for facilitating of our enterpriſe, to anticipate as much as may be, upon the time allotted to Reaſon, thereby to ſhorten the duration of her Reign: I tell you nothing of Dreams, though I make great eſteem of them: For you know they deſire as much as we, the return of the Golden-Age, of which they ſtill retain all the ways of acting.

Nature, from whom we muſt all take orders.

That's well: But conſider that Nature is a very ſimple kind o thing, for the people who, as it is ſaid, would ſee the Gods March before them And therefore it would be convenient beſides that Pilot, to give the people alſo an Anchor, to which they might faſten their hopes, during the Tempeſt of Diſeaſes.

That I intend to do hereafter, for I purpoſe to retrieve the honour of Experiments, the name whereof is renderedEmpirick. odious by our enemies. By that means medicine will be brought back to its original, and become ſo familiar and natural, that no body will need any other Phyſician than himſelf, for applying what he ſhall find proper for his Diſtemper.

Nature hath provided for that by ſuggeſting to me to make uſe of Sobriety and Patience, who underſtand th •… conduct of the Body perfectly well: Fo •… if they be not the Mothers, they are a •… leaſt the Nurſes and Governants o •… Health; and beſides that, I'll paſs m •… word for them, they are the declare •… Enemies of indiſpoſitions, nay and o •… moſt part of Diſeaſes too.

I know it, and willingl •… ſubmit to their Diſcipline: To let yo •… ſee how much I am perſwaded by wha •… you ſay, I deſire a favour of you▪ • h •… Sobriety would preſently come and eſt •… bliſh the Seat of her Empire with me •… You know, as I ly moſt open, ſo I a •… the moſt convenient poſt for our enemies and therefore I cannot be too well Fortified, nor too ſoon put into a poſture of defence: With her aſſiſtance I ſhall bridle Appetite, and perform my functions at more leiſure, and more to the advantage of thoſe who are concerned.

I am overjoyed to find that you have prevented me. Since then Reaſon neglects to poſſeſs the Poſts of the Stomack when Men eat, and to go to the Heart, when ſhe would put in execution her great thoughts in the head: I think it convenient that Sobriety take up her Quarters with you, and that Patience have the charge to make head againſt Reaſon, to what ſide ſoever Prejudice may turn her; conſidering the frequent Recruits and Aſſiſtances that we ſhall ſend to Patience, it will be no eaſy matter to baffle her.

If Patience be as well ſeconded by others, as Sobriety ſhall be by me, make account that we ſhall obtain the Victory.

I Hear, as well as you, the grumbl • ng of your Guts, and I am very ſenſible of the importunities of your Appetite: But you muſt be firm and reſiſt their griping ſollicitations, till the hour when you uſed to gratifie them be paſt: They'l trouble you no more after. Come, courage; let us talk of the pleaſures that accompany Health,

You ſay well: But conſider likewiſe that a hungrey Belly has no ears: The hour of eating is, when one is a hungrey: I am torn to pieces, I cannot hold out, I dy.

Conſider, I pray, that my Liver is ſo great and ſo hot, that he cannot be put off with the amuſements and excuſes that abſtinence makes uſe of, to beguile that canine hunger which devours me. A cruſt of Bread and a Glaſs of Wine, or I'm dead.

You'l revive that famous Glutton of Antiquity again, who finding no one Body to ſtand by him for the ſpace of a whole day, in eating and drinking, made his four Meals, with four different clubs of Epicures.

I do not talk of four Meals, but of one which may laſt as long as my Appetite: Suffer not, I beg of you, that Faſting over heat my Choller any more, unleſs you deſire to ſee me fall into a rage or a fainting fit.

Is this the effect of all the fair promiſes you juſt now made to the Heart? but I am not ſtartled at thoſe mean weakneſſes: My orders muſt be put in execution; and all the ways yo •… take to perſwade me, are ſo many motive •… that incline me to do nothing at all: 〈…〉 you be hot take a little water.

What! water?

Yes, water.

If you had ſaid Strong waters it had been ſomewhat, but meer Element common water; how is it poſſible I ca •… taſte it, and not expire?

You ſhall taſte it, and no •… expire for all that It is far better for yo •… in the condition you are in, than the Oy •… that you would pour upon the fire, whic •… would conſume you for good and all.

Alaſs! where is now th •… time, when I began my day with a luſt •… diſh of Chocolate, or a meſs of heart •… jelly-broath; whi • h, ſome hours afte •… was followed by an Embaſſie of Pottage conſiſting of a dozen of plump young Pigeons, ſwimming in Gravy, or othe •… convenient liquor, and attended with forced meats, cockscombs, palats, muſhrooms, and the reſt of that ſavory train; which as Deputies from their principals come to complement the Taſte and advertiſe me, that whole Nations were upon their march to ſubmit themſelves entirely to the abſolute diſpoſal of the Appetite?

How, do you ſtill look back again? have you forgot, that you regret the want of that, which has been the cauſe of all your evils? that the leaſt puniſhment which the exceſs of good chear inflicts upon thoſe who give themſelves over to it, is to be loaded with an hundred weight of uſeleſs fat? Theſe ſurfeitings are no ways excuſable put in an old Scythian who deſires to be fat, that his Kindred may feed upon him with pleaſure.

If you draw theſe conſequences from a meſs of Broth, and a Potage, what would you ſay, if you ſaw the ſame Potage flanked with all the diſhes that the four Elements and Seaſon of the year afford as proper for the firſt courſe.

There are a great many, w •… care as little as you do for theſe prelud •… and who never fall to feeding in go •… earneſt, till they ſee a jolly quak •… Pudding, or a trembling Mountain 〈…〉 dainty well dreſt Beef appear.

In ſuch dangerous occaſio •… I commend thoſe who begin and e •… with the Beef.

How is it poſſible to ſt •… there; for ſeeing theſe are ſerved in h •… concocted, if they be but in the le •… moiſtned with Wine cooled in Ice, th •… do no more but paſs through us witho •… any ſtay. And it's well it is ſo; for ro •… meat and ſalads, crowned with flowers •… nd green leaves, preſent themſelves •… fterward with ſo palitable a meen, and •… o well diſpoſed to follow that which •… ent before, that it is hard to determine •… hich of theſe meats ought to be allowed •… e favour of entering firſt. That is then •… e occaſion when it may be ſaid, that •… ell cooked meats invite the Stomack.

You make them ſay and do whatever you pleaſe. Seeing you covet •… hem, you are before hand with them, and •… efore they preſent themſelves to the •… outh, the eyes have already made way •… or them to the Stomack.

That may be; though I am not always in a condition to admit of all that the eyes devour.

For my part, I cannot comprehend how ſo much Victuals can find room in ſo ſmall a place.

It would not be without •… ifficulty, were they not uſhered in by a •… aviſhing ſteam which the ſmell devours; •… nd if they came not afterward armed •… t Sharps, with Lemons and Oranges, ſeconded by the acrimony of Salt, and fir •… of Spices; being in that Equipage, yo •… ſee how eaſie it is for them, to force a •… that ſtands in their way, either to giv •… place, or to fly for it.

I very well conceive, th •… the laſt comers chaſe the former; b •… ſeeing that is not done in an inſtant, ho •… do you reconcile the roaſt with the raw 〈…〉 the burning hot. with the Ice-cold, th •… Pepper with the Sugar? for it is impoſſ •… ble ſo many different Gueſts can cotto •… together.

Nothing truer, theſe differe •… aliments brought from oppoſite Climat •… and contrary Elements, impatient •… ſuffer the conſtraint to which they ar •… reduced. Judg then, what torment I a •… in, when that grows to exceſs, as it h •… pens almoſt daily, becauſe the Laws 〈…〉 the Table ſlight all my grievances.

In the manner you ſpeak 〈…〉 them, I fancy I ſee within you an Ar •… of different Nations, more enclined 〈…〉 mutiny and Revolt, than to the goo •… of the ſervice.

Does not drink make them friends?

Not altogether, though all of them earneſtly deſire to be moiſtned, and look upon drink as the ſolace of their pains. And thence it is that the more one drinks, the more one deſires pure Wine without water.

Whence comes that greedy deſire of drinking without thirſt, and without water, ſeeing the civil debauchês heretofore, would not have Bacchus go without his Nymph, what does one get by being drunk?

Why, it's becauſe no drink but that which intoxicates, can eaſe the troubles and miſeries of Life: And th •… though Wine doth not wholely diſſipa •… the anxieties of the unfortunate, yet 〈…〉 ſuſpends them at leaſt; for if Wi •… diſcharge not the Debtor, it gives hi •… Letters of Licenſe: Nay it is even 〈…〉 inſolent as to ſet upon Reaſon and va •… quiſh her: And of its own plenary pow •… without Commiſſion, it enſlaves the Maſt •… and ſets free the ſlave.

Wine, by what I hear fro •… you, is a Sword in the hand of a m •… Man.

It is nevertheleſs a ſure mea •… to diſcover the make of Mens tempe •… and to pump out the ſecrets of t •… Heart.

Wine ought either to be pr •… hibited, or reduced within the bounds 〈…〉 cheerfullneſs and pleaſure.

Men are ſo ſatisfied of 〈…〉 truth of what you ſay of the fury 〈…〉 Wine, and the moderation there oug •… to be obſerved in it, that it is put i •… the keeping of the Servants, duri •… the time of meal, with orders not to •… ll any unleſs it be demanded; in ſo much, •… hat there is no exceſs committed ſo long •… s the Maſters are retained by ſhame, •… nd the Lacquies by fear; but if the wine be ſerved with ſo much circumſpection, •… t is not ſo with the Muſhroms, Caviare, Botargo, and Bolonia Sauſages, with the Tarts, Creams, Cuſtards, and in general, all that the Seaſon affords to delight and tickle the Palate.

Why don't they baniſh from the Table all that neeeſſity does not require, as coming uncalled to the Feaſt?

They are ſo far from rejecting what offers, that they find out things which ought never to be ſerved up, as Shallot, Rocambole, and mouldy ſtinking old Cheeſe, that offend the ſmell, and pleaſe nothing but a jaded and ſtupified Palate.

It's a thing I cannot conceive, how that you not having the talent of ruminating, can diſhinguiſh one thing from another, in the diſorder and confuſion they are ſent to you, and I cannot imagine what courſe you can take in that deplorable condition, for your eaſe and comfort.

I have inſtantly recourſe to Ice of all colours, and to the Roſe-water and other Sweet-waters, that are ſerved up with the Fruit, the humidity and cold whereof temper and allay the heat of the Wine, and the fire of the Spices. I ſip alſo of Roſa Solis, or ſome other pleaſant Water, perhaps of my Lady's own preparing, which bringing up the Rear, forces the ſtraglers to double their pace; but ſeeing theſe amuſements rather ſoften and qualifie the evil than cure it, there is a neceſſity of uſing powerful Remedies, I mean, that I am fain to comply with the Tea, and thoſe boyling hot drinks, that have been invented by ſtrangers, which piercing through that great body of meat, breaks diſſolves and hurries it away into thoſe places where I pretend not to take cogniſance.

What, don't you fear to precipitate your digeſtion?

When that happens, why do not you expect the next tide, to get your Veſſel a Float again?

It would be too long for me to ſuffer; for that heavy and undigeſted Maſs, conſiſting only of what I devoured to ſtay my craving hunger, one may ſtill hear the Bellowing of the Ox and the grunting of the Pig, theſe Bodies never, being ſo divided or diſcompoſed, but that they retain the qualities of their laſt ſpecification.

At that noiſe, do'nt your N • ighbours come to your aſſiſtance?

They are in no ſmall trouble, eſpecially the Liver; but if through weakneſs or any other accident, he performs not all he ought upon my account, the Gall or Spleen ſupply his defect; after all I muſt confeſs that in my greateſt preſſures, the Heart of all others is the readieſt to bring me caſe.

Can it be taken ill then, that knowing all theſe diſorders, I avoid junketting where Health is in greater danger, than the forlorn hope in the day of Battle: Theſe Relations fill me with horrour; However I excuſe what you have alleadged; for it is natural when one is hungry to ſpeak of good cheer. I am therefore more than ever confirmed in my Maxims, and once again I beg of you to take no more to day but a little Roaſt-meat, and ſome Glaſſes of ſmall Beer, or water coloured red.

I could not have believed not long ſince, that I could have ſo eaſily obeyed you, I was ſo urged by Paraſites that eat commonly at my Table; but now that they are gone, I want nothing; I am out of humour; and perceive that it is more by cuſtom than neceſſity, that people eat to exceſs.

TELL me I pray, both of you, what's the meaning on't that you do no more obey the orders of Reaſon? have you forgot what ſhe hath done for you? anſwer me plainly.

Since I never diſſemble, I'll tell you frankly, that we have no cauſe to brag of the conduct of Reaſon, ſince ſhe hath given her ſelf over to the exceſſes of the Mouth and of Phyſick.

Phyſick is not the point in hand, though both of you ſtand much in need of it, the queſtion is, what ground ye have to refuſe your Victuals; is it that the Stomack pretends to digeſt no more, that it may give cauſe to thoſe who wait for its concoctions or digeſtions, to put all into trouble and combuſtion?

Do you your ſelf think that a Stomack is like a Market, which is only valued according to the quantity of goods that are carried thither and brought from thence?

Hath abſtinence made us neglect our functions, or fail in our duty?

No: But both of you ſet about them ſo faintly, that if you perſiſt a little longer in your careleſneſs, I will not give much for our Life. Is that the way to ſet the Belly and Reins to rights again, which for a long time have done nothing without the help of Phyſick; what can the Stomack ſay to that?

I blame my ſelf for nothing, but that I was too late in oppoſing your irregularities. Are not you aſhamed to have made ſo bad uſe of your Authority? you are the cauſe of debauching the Appetite, and of rendring that blind buzzard independant of the Heart and me, which ought to have been obedient to our orders.

Speak more civilly of the Appetite, without it what would become of you?

For my ſhare, I pay very dear for the effects of his fickleneſs and inconſtancy; is he mad for ſome new object? hardly hath he touched it, but that he forſakes it for another; in the mean time I bear the but then of all.

You are very bold in daring to controul his actions, he is not to give account of them to you; but you are to give me an account of yours: Anſwer then preciſely to what I ask you.

I know no obligation that lyes upon me to you, nay nor Reaſon her ſelf when ſhe rambles out of the Maxims of Nature, and acts not according to her orders. So that, look to it, it is Reaſon and you that are in the fault, and not I. For ſatisfying that unruly Appetite, which you fooliſhly juſtifie, you have made me devour and conſume more meat within theſe Ten years, than would have ſerved a ſober Man for a whole Age; and as often as I ſhow'd any reluctancy againſt that exceſs, preſently I muſt be condemned to Phyſick.

How many lies now, do you pile up one upon another?

Nay, it is but too true, that I have taken ſo many Medicines and it ſo many different ways, that it's a Miracle they did not kill me. For there is not a Receipt in all the diſpenſatory, that to woful experience has not been tried upon me; and as if it were not enough for meriting the glorious Title of the Martyr of the Faculty; that I have been a Thouſand and a Thouſand times drenched and ſoaked with bitter drinks, and as often let Blood; they have glutted us in Summer with hot water, and in the Winter with cold. They have—

How can it be that Reaſon hath had ſo great an averſion to Phyſick and yet have Sacrificed us to Phyſicians?

Had it not been for me, ſhe had hardly reſolved upon it, for in her own Nature ſhe is very irreſolute; and you know that irreſolution is not a Diſeaſe to be cured by Age.

To be cured of that, the beſt Remedy is experience; and indeed few are made wiſe by the experience of others.

Of what uſe can experiments be, when Two things never happen alltogether one way? what did hur •… yeſterday, does good to day. One thing is Healthful in infancy, which in Old Age is mortal; every thing in this World is ſingular: So that conſequences draw •… from the paſt, ſignifie nothing for th •… future.

Theſe experiments however are leſs faulty than conjectures, becauſe one may far better judge of a Diſtempe •… by the effect of a Remedy, than o •… Diſeaſes by their cauſes, which ar •… unknown to us.

I ſee what you drive at; a •… that an able Phyſician ſays, though fou •… ded on good ſenſe, and immemori •… practice, is with you no more than 〈…〉 Remedy preſcribed at a venture, and pr •… paired by a blockhead; from which o •… can promiſe himſelf nothing but preſe •… pain and certain Death. Whereas, 〈…〉 you may be credited, an odd Recei •… given by the firſt we meet, is in yo •… opinion an infallible Specifick • , an •… Univerſal Remedy: But theſe ordinar •… Specificks and Univerſal Doctors, ar •… much like a flaſh of Lightning in a dar •… Night, which having given us a glance 〈…〉 objects, leaves in us a greater obſcu •… ty than before.

Do'nt take me up before I'm own, I can make good what I ſay with •… ut your help; know then that by •… he word experience or experiment, 〈…〉 only mean Natural and agreeable ways •… f living, which are followed by whole Nations, and that ſucceſsfully.

That's to ſay, that according to theſe aphoriſms, you would in the Morning drink Coffee with the Turks, and with the Chineſſes Tea after Dinner, Chocolate in the Evening with the Mexicans, and Wine all the reſt of the day with ſome people of Europe.

Why do'nt you add to compleat the round of the known World, that I would drink Mil • with the Tartars and Affricans, Mead with the Moſcovites, and Sherbet with the Turks; but • ince it is not neceſſary for one Man to make uſe of all the productions of Nature, •… or of all the emprovements of Art, it is enough that every one in particular make ſome little experiments of wha •… agrees with himſelf; there is nothing more eaſie than that: For it is not wi •… the Stomack as with a Painters Pale •… which ought to be furniſhed with 〈…〉 the chief Colours, if they intend to repreſent all ſorts of objects to the Life ſeeing of one ſimple kind of Food Nature maketh fleſh and bones, and Pain •… the Lillies and Roſes of the Complectio •… as well as the Or and Azure of the Eye and hair.

Theſe Poetical flouriſhe •… are wide of the ſubject. The queſtio •… is to know, if that be the way to redu •… the Stomack to the Animal Life whic •… you affect, by making it renounce 〈…〉 the preparations of Art, and only receiv •… from the hands of Nature Herbs and r •… meat, and eat Rice and Corn as the •… come out of the Ear.

In the ſad ſtate to which 〈…〉 conſtitution, that was once very go •… is now reduced, I could not witho •… difficulty leap from one extremity to •… nother; but yet allowing ſome e •… qualification, I could with pleaſure ta •… the part of Nature; for the moſt ſimple •… ood is eaſieſt to be found, and ſooneſt •… igeſted: To what end ſuch Maſſacres of Oxen, Sheep, Foul, and wild Beaſts, •… hat croud of Officers, that number of Engines and dreſſes to diſguiſe them •… nto a Thouſand ſhapes? when our Gardens furniſh us with Strawberries, Melons, Figs, and Grapes: However, 〈…〉 am ſtill perſwaded, that one may keep his Health very well though he Taſte of all, but not ſurfet on any.

I ſhould be of the ſame opinion, provided they would not oblige us to take Phyſick, and would ſuffer us to renounce Ptiſan and Barley-water.

You make me ſick, both of you, by this groundleſs averſion you have for Phyſick: Reaſon wo'nt learn of you the way how to live, and if ſhe have occaſion to change her courſe, ſhe'l conſult thoſe who are more knowing and leſs headſtrong than you.

So long as Reaſon acts by your whimſey, ſhe'l never bring us to a reconciliation; that is too weighty an affair to be managed by ſo light a head a •… yours is.

As light as it is, if the Gut •… will be perſwaded by me, it ſhall no •… be long before you repent that yo •… have offended me.

YOu may rely upon me; all ſhall be punctually done according as you have ordered: but fail not to come to Morrow Morning and ſee the effects of what you have promiſed me: In the mean time accept of this token of my Gratitude. Above all things — ho, ho; ſo ſoon as ever they have fingered our Money, they ſhut the door, and will hear us no more: My comfort is, he has put ſomewhat into my hands that will revenge me on my Enemies. Without loſs of time, let us run then and put the Irons into the fire—But here comes Patience; we muſt carry it as if ſhe were on our ſide, for fear ſhe eſcape us.

You go in great haſte. Tell me pray whither do you run? who Preſſes you?

Not you Lazy Lowt, who would have every Body go like a Tortoiſe as you do.

But ſtill, what Paper is that you hug in your Boſome, with ſo much gladneſs?

It's a Paper of great vertue, for it's going to reſtore the loſt Appetite and vigour to a ſick Perſon that is in a deſperate condition, and in ſhort to bring one from Death to Life again, who at preſent has neither Hands nor Feet to help himſelf. If you are not ſatisfied, read it.

That is ſooner ſaid than done; ha! what is this? the oddeſt kind of Writing, and moſt extravagant Hyeroglyphicks that I ever ſaw: There muſt be ſomething of the Black Art in this: It's a Charm or Spell; and if it produce the effect you expect from it, the Devil muſt be in it.

Well, well; the Charms and compacts you ſpeak of, are only practiſed by Outlandiſh Doctors,The opinion of a Famous Phyſician, concerning Talbors Secret. who for the diſcovery of a Specifick which they have brought over to us, have not only given themſelves to the Devil, but alſo covenanted to deliver up to him, all thoſe that make uſe of it. Now, I think you are ſatisfied that the Doctors of the Colledge would not make uſe of a Medicine till firſt they had ſtript it of all its Charms, and transformed it after their way.

What, do your Doctors fear Spells and Charms? they muſt be ſent then to Mr. Webſter to be cured of the fear of Witches; but to come to this Paper again, wherein I cannot underſtand a Letter, tell me who ſcribled it, for I cannot perſwade my ſelf that it is the Hand-Writing of a Man in his Senſes.

Pray, what is there in him that is adorable.

Can there be any thing more Divine, than by the means of this Bill, to ſee five or ſix Specificks made up into a little Pill; which without nauſeouſneſs or pain entering into the Stomack, begin their work by quenching a burning heat; which by intervals ſent up thicker Smoak and Vapours than a Glaſs-houſe; having ſcoured and well corroborated the ventricle, The Stomack. they march out and divide themſelves, ſome this way, ſome that way, for putting their different Orders in Execution. One of them joyns the Chile; and following it through its long windings and meanders, accompanies it along the Milky Veins till it arrive at the Heart; which it comforts and refreſhes ſo benignly, that the circulation thereby is rendered more quick and better: Coming out from thence, it divides it ſelf into an infinite number of Particles, and following the fortune of the Arteries, it leaves behind it to the diſpoſition of the Glandules, all the Seroſities from which it hath purified the Blood: This being done, it rejoyns the Brain, where it Refines the Blood in ſuch a manner, that it Transforms the ſame into a Nervous Juice, and then into Animal Spirits, which diſſipate and drive away thoſe miſts that cauſes Vertigo's and Dilirium's. In the mean time the other Specificks are not aſleep. One takes the charge of emptying the Gall, and leaves no more choler in it, than what is enough from Hand to Mouth, to ſerve for ferment and vehicle for the march of Aliments. From thence it paſſes through the lobs of the Liver, where it viſits and repairs the Percolatoreis and Strainers of the Blood, in the Neighbourhood of this, one reſolutely makes head againſt the Miſentery, there to quench another fire compoſ • d of Sulphur and Pitch, the malignity whereof makes people Hyphocondriacal. Another labours in cleanſing the Spleen, and allaying its humours, dextrouſly facilitating the courſe of the pancreatick juyce, which had been corrupted by an inveterate obſtruction. Having thus all of them with emulation forced the groſs humours to flight by the common rode of the Guts, and thereby ſubdued the Intemperaries of the Intralls, they muſter altogether in the Region of the Reins: But before they enter them, they ſport a little, in draining the A • rabiliarious Capſules of a melancholy humour. In fine, traverſing the Reins, where they leave not the leaſt impurity, by the way of the Ʋretors they deſcend into the Bladder, from whence they victoriouſly Sally forth in a full ſtream, leading with them in Triumph whatever oppoſed the courſe of their Victory.

What a deal of ground have you beat, and how many diſcoveries have you made? how skillful are you in the Geography of the little World? and how nobly do you relate the exploits of your Hero's? An Hiſtorian that had your Talents might impoſe what he would upon credulous minds: Nevertheleſs none but Patience could have heard ſo many abſurdities, without interrupting you. Is it poſſible that one can invent ſuch groſs Fables, and dare to give them out for truths.

I ſay nothing but what I know to be true, having ſeen it a Hundred and a Hundred times. You ought therefore to believe me.

Since you are ſo very ſerious in your anſwer, I muſt be ſo too. I ſuppoſe that for attaining to the knowledge you brag of, you have with ſingular application, diſſected in preſence of your Doctors, a great number of dead Bodies, and living Creatures. What have you diſcovered in all that labour? the ſituation and conformity of the moſt apparent parts: What have you learnt by ſeeing them? The ſimple Letters of the Alphabet of a true Anatomy: By conſequent, you are very far from being able to underſtand any thing in the Book of the Body of M • n. For the proof of this, open that Book in what part you pleaſe, and you'll find that Nature who hath Compoſed it, divides and ſubdivides it ſelf at firſt into ſo many little Particles, and ſo imperceptible, that they immediately eſcape the nimbleſt fingers, and moſt piercing ſight: So that your adorable Doctors ought to be toſſed in a Blanket, if they maintain that one can attain to a certain knowledge of things, by means of thoſe minute Particles.

We do'nt talk of Anatomy but of Specificks, of whoſe virtues and effects I brag, becauſe I know them.

How can you know the Nature of Specificks, when your Doctors know not to this day, why Sene purges Choller, or Chervill purifies the Blood? but ſuppoſe you knew the virtue of Simples and of Drogues: Who hath aſſured you, that when they are mixed and blended together, their different virtues do not deſtroy one another: And though they ſhould not deſtroy one another in the Pill, what is it that ſeparates and diſentangles them in the Stomack? who guides them into the different Regions of the Body, where the Faculty hath aſſigned them their Province, whither you follow them ſtep by ſtep, and from whence you return with them in Triumph?

You would not ſtart ſo many difficulties, if you knew as well as I do, that Nature does with extream joy receive all that her dear Daughter the Faculty ſends her. It is that good Mother who releaſes the Specificks from the conſtraint, to which the narrow paſſage of the Heart had reduced them, and ſets them at liberty to produce their ſeveral effects, as I have juſt now told you.

I imagined, that having found you ſo ſerious before, you would not have ſpoken any thing more but what was real and ſolid; nevertheleſs you relapſe again into the Romance, not to ſay the foppery of Medicine: Have you forgot that it is the part of an able Phyſician to aſſiſt Nature, and not of Nature to ſecond the whimſeys and capries of an ignorant? he that would be of your opinion, muſt renounce common ſenſe, and confeſs that Nature dotes.

How could your Maſters have fully inſtructed you in all thoſe particularites of Nature; when they themſelves are not as yet certain, whither the Blood be made in the Liver or in the Heart: Who call the Spleen a uſeleſs part, and who cannot conjecture what can be the uſe and function of the Pancreas.

What matters it, in effect where the Blood be made, and what need we care for knowing the neceſſity and uſe of the parts you ſpeak of? It's our part to look when the Houſe is foull, how we are to ſet about the cleaning of it. Provided one eaſe your ſhoulders of a Burden, what's that to you, how or by whom it is done; it is enough you are diſcharged of it.

Pardon me there; it concerns me very much to know what courſe you take to make clean my Houſe: Fo •… the furniture muſt not be thrown out •… Window with the filth, as it daily happens to you; and far leſs with the burde •… muſt the Skin be pulled off of our Shoulders, as your pretended Specificks diſguiſed into Phyſick do.

I do'nt underſtand what yo •… mean, ſpeak more intelligibly, if you expect an anſwer.

Well, I'll explain my ſelf; take it then thus: No ſooner has the Stomack notice that it muſt take Phyſic •… to Morrow, but the whole Body is ſeized with ſadneſs and horrour, ſo that i •… enjoys no more pleaſure nor repoſe. Is the hour come when the Cup is to be drunk, hardly hath Reluctancy giv' • a minutes reſpite to the Mouth to take the Phyſick, but that the Heart riſes i •… favour of the Stomack, to de iver it from the ſame; and when the Heart ſucceeds not, all is in a ſtir and commotion, and the Hickock Rings the Alarm Bell.

In that trouble and agitation the good humours that are irritated, move, and march to the place where the enemy appears, with deſign to ſtop that Poyſon at the Fountain head, and make it turn back the ſame way it came. But when Vomiting has miſſed its blow, and the main Body of the Medicine hath unhappily got into the Guts, the humours change their Battery, drive the Phyſick before them, and purſue it downward with ſo much eagerneſs that moſt part of them are loſt with it. In the mean time the Doctor accuſtomed to impoſe upon Nature, though he ſee by what is done, the miſchief he hath cauſed; Proclames his Victory, whil'ſt the Patient deplores his loſſes, though he hath vanquiſhed the Poyſon.

You talk of humours and Phyſick, as a blind Man does of Colours.

Say whatever you can, I maintain that it is the Phyſick that drives the bad humours out of the Body; and not the good humours that drive out the Phyſick.

There is no talking of different humours, when one hath Phyſick in his Body, for it makes them all bad: Phyſick then in the Body is like duſt thrown upon a crawling Snail: The poor creature to deliver it ſelf from that unexpected obſtacle, preſently retreats within its ſhell, and with the loſs of its ſweat comes out again delivered from the impediment that hindered it from continuing its Journey.

You may ſay all that you pleaſe, but you cannot deny that Phyſick reſtores the Patient to his loſt Appetite.

Your fictions are fully as Romantick as mine, and all that can be ſaid is, that ſuch Rebells as you are cannot abide Phyſicians.

On the contrary, we would have every Man to be his own: But our Phyſicians are not like yours, who make both the foul and fair Weather, in your Diſeaſes. We would have our Phyſicians in all things, and at all times, referr themſelves to Nature, and make it their chief buſineſs to lay up a ſtock of chearfulneſs and delight, whereby we might ſeaſon every thing: For we neither take nor do any thing, if there be not ſomewhat of content and ſatisfaction in it, ſo that we live, nay, and I dare ſay, that we dy with delight. Delight is a Coyn that paſſes as currant with us as it did in the Golden-Age: For we eſteem things no otherways but according to the meaſure of delight that they afford us. In fine delight is a quinteſſence without which no enjoyment of Life ſeems good to us, and we hold it for a maxim that chearfulneſs and delight refreſh the mind, encreaſe the vigour of Body, preſerve Youth, and prolong Life.

No Body doubts but that delight and chearfulneſs have all the Virtues you name; the difficulty is only where it is to be had and how prepared.

You may eaſily believe that it is not to be found at the Droguiſts, nor prepared in the ſhops of Apothecaries. But inform your ſelf of all the innocent pleaſures that are in the World; in theſe pure ſources, Nature would have us look for delight, which every one of us according to our Palate ſhould accommodate to our own neceſſities,

So much and no more would a skillful Watch maker ſay of a Watch, when he had examined all the pieces of it: But can a Phyſician do the ſame with your pretended Machine of the Body? having taken it to peeces, can he ſet it again in Motion?

You would not be much out of the way, if the Machine we ſpeak of, were made up like a Watch: It is enough that our Doctors have the Key of our Machine, that opens and ſhuts the door to Health and Diſeaſes.

Nay, truly I believe your Doctors have a Key that opens the door to Diſeaſes, and with a grim look, ſhuts it upon Health.

A Patient that rejoyceth at the ſight of a Phyſician, is ſicker in mind than in Body: And every Patient that willingly takes what his Phyſician preſcribes to him, if he be not his own Murderer, he is at leaſt acceſſory to his own Death.

He! who can oblige a ſick perſon to take any thing againſt his will?

A Mother, a Wife, a Child, an old Servant, who being ſeduced or frightened by a croud of Phyſicians, change their love and friendſhip into Perſecution and Tyranny, all declaring for the Phyſicians whom they love not, againſt a dying perſon whom they adore: So that ſtriving to ſave the Patient, they kill him; giving him no reſt, till he be delivered up bound hand and foot, to the Surgeon, and till he hath ſwallowed down the quid pro quo, of the Apothecary; for all know the Doctors hand, but no Body can read it.

You put me now in mind of my Bill, give it me again, I pray, that I may put it into the hands of thoſe who can make better uſe of it than you.

Take it, I know nothing it is good for; but I cannot conceive, how a Man, that dares not truſt his Purſe to his friend, commits his Life to a Phyſician whom he knows not.

I'll anſwer you another time. I have loſt but too much time with you already; farewell enemy of Phyſicians.

You'r miſtaken, I'm only an enemy to their bad practice.

And for my part, ſuch as it is, I reverence it, and am perſwaded it works good effects, let me then fly away with my dear Bill, and hear you no more.

WHat deſire ſoever I have to acquaint you of what paſſes, yet you ſhould ſtill be in the Company of Dreams, if the urgent and reiterated Orders of Reaſon and the Heart, had not forced me to call you from theſe diverſions, and to propoſe to you in their name, ſomething that's more ſolid.

Why do you liſten to that ambitious couple? if you do but in the leaſt comply with their judgment, they'l diſturb the quiet of our retreat, and baniſh you, as they have done formerly, out of the extent of your own Dominion. You know when that happens, that I can have no pleaſure in ſtaying here without you.

But if there be an indiſpenſable neceſſity of liſtning to the ſentiments of Reaſon, and following the motions of the Heart; how can one refuſe to anſwer them?

Well then, if they muſt be anſwered, let us plainly tell them, that ſince we pretend not to the Honours and Glory which they ſo fondly poſſeſs, we pray them not to diſturb the innocent Pleaſures which we enjoy: For it is no leſs the happineſs of Life to ſlight what one has not, than to know the right uſe of what one enjoys. Alas! could one be more happy than I was without them, when you began to ſpeak to me in their name?

Without doubt you were wholly taken up in Dreams; what pleaſant piece, pray, did they repreſent to ye?

It's very true, I thought my ſelf to be an Amazon Queen, who returned Victorious from her Enemies; but juſt as I was about to enter in Triumph, amidſt ſhouts and acclamations, unto a Palace of Rubies hanging in the Air, and gently moved by the Wind, I was ſeized with fear; and though I was encompaſſed with Mirth, Muſick and Dancing, yet nothing but Sleep could re-aſſure me. That you may know what kind of pleaſure it was, I thought that I Cloathed you in my Garments, and that at the ſame time we were cloſely linked together by Chains and Flowers. Now though I was exceedingly delighted at this, yet for all that it broke my Dream. What d • ye imagine to be the ſignification of it?

That's eaſily interpreted. The Amazon is Health, the Enemies of whom ſhe Triumphed, are Phyſicians and Intemperance. The Palace of Rubies moved by the Winds, is the Heart, where Reaſon would have me carry you, and the Chains that bound us ſo faſt together, are our embraces at parting.

Nay, now I perceive you are fonder of Reaſon, than ſhe was of her Favourite; and I foreſee that it will be none of your fault, if both of us renounce not our Independance, and wholly ſubmit to our pleaſure.

Not ſo neither, I'm only ſolicitous to inform you, what ſhare you are to have in that reconciliation, and to put you in poſſeſſion of it.

I believe I know as much of that as you do: Be ruled by me, let us let Reaſon and the Heart alone to torment themſelves as much as they pleaſe, in finding out meaſures to repair the diſorders of their diſſentions, and let us take our reſt.

That would do well enough, if without you they could put in execution, what they are reſolving betwixt themſelves. They are ſo convinced of the neceſſity of having you, that they ceaſe not to ſend me one Courier at the heels of another, praying me to reſtore Health to the Body. Will ye refuſe me the ſatisfaction of conducting you to the Heart, and of ſeeing you triumph there, as you do in all other places where you take delight?

No, I wo'nt undo you, nor ſo much as expoſe you to the leaſt danger: We are not now, about to conduct you to the Heart as heretofore, accompanied with the ſparks of Youth, which might, in effect, cauſe your deſtruction, or at leaſt diſturb your tranquility: You are expected there, without oſtentation and magnificence, we are only to acquaint you that Reaſon is no longer Prejudiced againſt you, and to give you all manner of aſſurance that ſhe'll determine nothing concerning you for the future, till firſt ſhe have conſulted Reflection and the Heart about it.

But if ſhe conſult not you alſo, I ſhall be in no leſs danger. No, I wont part f • om you; I cannot be ſecure without you. Why have you ſo many Charms? Why does one taſte ſo many pleaſures in your Company? Having accuſtomed me to a ſtill and ſolitary Life, would you now again Embark me in trouble and confuſion?

You have no cauſe any more to apprehend theſe agitations; they have ſeparated pain from them, and left you only the pleaſure: Nay, and if that pleaſure work in you but the leaſt diſguſt, give me but a wink, and I ſhall preſently come flying to your aſſiſtance: And though nothing ſhould happen that may p • t you out of humour, my tender care of you ſhall not ſuffer me to delay till Night, the paying of you a viſit; I'll come and ſteal ſome moments for you even in the middle of the day: If the Feaſting and Plays that they are prepairing for your Entertainment, hinder me not from approaching you.

The preparations you ſpeak of, inſtead of obſtructing your deſign, will facilitate the means of your putting it in execution. I ſhall even prevent them, if I can, for I have no pleaſure but in your Company, and eſpecially at that time of Day, Phyſicians may ſay what they will.

You are then reſolved to grant Reaſon what ſhe deſires of you?

When Reaſon formed the deſign of alluring me to the Heart, it ought to have been repreſented to her how changeable and fickle he is How that after the firſt congreſs he'll take no more notice of me. The truth is, he paſſionately deſires what he wants, and ſets no value upon what he enjoys. In a word, he is in all things ſo much upon extreams, that what he'll do to chear me, will only ſerve to alter, and perhaps to undo me.

That diffidence will Vaniſh, when I have told you what hath been done as to that, for your ſecurity and Glory.

I deſire to know no more; well ſince you will deliver me up to the Heart, I condeſcen • . Only tell me how I can be able to bear the grief of our parting.

Well to compleat what you have begun, let's go to the Heart.

You do me a ſingular kindneſs, but let me tell yo • , th t • n the reconciliation that Reaſon hath juſt now made with all the part • of the Body, it hath among other things, been • greed upon: That ſo ſoon as Sleep all ſeize the Eyelids, Reaſon ſhall leave the Head and deſcend into the Heart, there to labour in concert with him, about what concerns the Domeſtick and internal affairs of the Kingdom.

hy hath ſhe choſen that time and place?

Becauſe the Night gives Council, and all that is done in the Heart is kept more ſecret than what is acted elſewhere.

That ought to bring down the pride of the Brain, who bragg'd that he alone had the Honour of being the Seat of Reaſon.

Ay, and it ought to vex him ſomewhat more, that they talk of treating of nothing in his Apartment, but of Foreign Affairs: But, what ſolely concerns you, ſo ſoon as Vigilance hath guided Reaſon from the Heart to the Head, Gladneſs is to put you in poſſeſſion of the Heart, where joyning your Talents together, you'll have liberty to make your ſelf deſired and cheriſhed of all.

I have ſaid nothing of giving you to another; that word would wound our friendſhip: I have only engaged my ſelf to leave you in the Heart, ſo long as Reaſon ſhall be in the Head: For when Reaſon deſcends from the Head into the Heart, my deſign is to bring you thence; and not to leave you, ſo long as ſhe is there. Conſider what pleaſure we are like to have, in diſcourſing at leiſure of our impatiencies and diſquiets: What felicity in viſiting the Bounds of our Empire, in ſcattering our favours in all pl • ces, giving to thoſe you have a kindneſs for, full Brimmers of Sleep, which drives wearineſs out of the Travellers Foot, and out of the Tradeſmans Hand: Which ſtrips the Heart of his Paſſions, and the Mind of its moſt cutting cares. When I endeavour to aſſwage the ſharpneſs of pains, you ſhall pour a healing Balſam upon the moſt deſperate Wounds: And whilſt I releaſe Slaves from their Chains, you ſhall give them vigour to carry them when they awake. In fine, if there be any thing wanting to thoſe whoſe troubles and miſeries we would ſweeten; we ſhall order Dreams to afford by Night, what their adverſe Fortune denys them by Day.

So that leaving every where tokens of our beneficent inclination, we cannot be upbraided, that any are ſick and unfortunate in our Empi • e: Since they ſhall never ſuffer, ſo long as they are under our juriſdiction. But that I may fully underſtand all theſe regulations, inform me what Reaſon is doing with the Heart.

They are making no new Laws, but are reviving thoſe which were in a m • nner extinct; they have already enacted that if the Health be in the leaſt out of or • er, the Stomack ſhall demand nothing; that all the parts of the Body ſhall liſten carefully to hear what the Voice of Nature preſcribes; and whilſt they wait for her ſuggeſtions, the parts that are overcharged, may eaſe themſelves.

Now that it is day, and the Sun is going to appear, what does Reaſon do to prepare for her depart.

She ſollicites the Spirits that are diſperſed over the Body, to betake themſelves to their duty, and with pleaſure conſiders how buſie they are to fill the Organs of the Senſes, and all the Faculties of the Body, to perform their functions: Juſt as a General delights to ſee, how at the firſt ſign given, his Well-Diſciplined Souldiers run from all parts to their Arms, and draw up under their Colours, ready to fall on at the leaſt Signal.

When all theſe Spirits are drawn up in Rank and File, as they ought to be, what does Reaſon then do?

She leaves the Heart, attended with the Virtues and an infinite number of Spirits, judgment uſhering the way; juſt ſo, as in the Spring, we ſee a ſwarm of young Bees fly confuſedly about their new Queen.

That's not all, Reaſon entering the Head, finds preſently all the Idea's which are the Inhabitants of that Empire, Ranked and Drawn up, as Reflection thinks fit to Command; and as exactly as ſuch an innumerable Multitude, with ſo vaſt a Train, can allow of in ſo ſmall a Plot of Ground as the Memory is.

You fill me with curioſity.

All theſe Idea's march in little Bodies, like the cluſter of a ſwarm of Bees. Each little Body conſiſts of Idea's of the ſame kind, or near to it, and alltogether muſter in the Air in form of a Rainbow, which yields the lovelieſt Proſpect in the World. As all theſe Idea's are overjoyed to ſee their Queen, ſo they ſtrive to get to the outſide of their Companies, and the motions they make for coming thither, makes a very pleaſant variety.

It hath been ſo in all times.

Whither went Reaſon then, whilſt the Dreams under your Goverment, poſſeſſed the Head, and diſpoſed of the Body?

Opinions are divided as to that: Some thought ſhe ſlept; and others that ſhe left the Body to go viſit the Place of her Original; for my part, I am in a manner aſſured that ſhe ſhut her ſelf up in the underſtanding, that ſhe might have no hand in the diſorders which the Animal part, in conjunction of Dreams, ſometimes committed during the time of my Reign.

Let's return I pray, to our Idea's; what do theſe little Mirmidons do, when they perceive their Soveraign?

What does Reaſon do upon her Arrival?

Sometimes ſhe makes a review of her Troops, commonly ſhe does but conſider the new comers; but one thing, which I cannot very well expreſs to ye, and which requires your beſt attention; ſcarcely is Reaſon ſeated in her Throne, environed with the Virtues, but they become all ſo reſplendent, that it is difficult to behold their Luſter.

I very well conceive that the rays and light of the Mind, ſupply he place of the Sun in this little world, which being reflected upon that numerous Court, renders it ſo Majeſtick: But how does Reaſon act in ordinary Affairs?

But how can Memory bring forth an Idea that is confounded with a million of others?

You deſcribe to me a very ſingular Harmony.

But a very juſt one too: For judgment which beats time, mark the determination of Reaſon, that are like the Periods of the Cadence in ordinary Muſick, to which the Organ of the Voice beneath from Time to Time makes anſwer, accompanied with the geſture of the Hands, and motion of the Eyes; all which together ſupply the place of the Chorus, in that kind of Natural Opera.

That ſure requires a great deal of time.

Not at all, the buſineſs is done in an in inſtant, and all theſe motions are quickes than Light'ning.

In ſuch a great conſort as this is, it can hardly be, but that there is ſomething many times out of Tune: Nay and ſometimes it all is falſe, even from Reaſon it ſelf to the Organ of the Voice; but when the evil is of no long continuance, it paſſes but for ſome little claſhing, which great Courts are not Allarmed at, becauſe they are ſubject to them.

But what when theſe jarrings continue?

Then all is out of order, and the State in danger.

What is the cauſe of theſe errours, and what courſe is taken to avoid them, and to ſtop the Progreſs?

Such great diſorders never •… appen, but when Reaſon is drawn away •… y the violence of ſome predominant Paſſion, which uſurping a ſhare in he • Soveraign Authority, diſcompoſes the State, and puts it often in danger, which you have ſeen, ſo long as Prejudice was in favour.

Why do not the Virtues ſtifie that diſorder in the Birth? for it is for that end alone that they are given to Reaſon.

Is there any one that performs what is enjoyned him punctually? Though Wiſdome hold the Virtues linked together, to oblige them neither to riſe nor fa • l; it is hard however to be prevented, but that when ſome certain o • jects preſent, they will run Riot: And that's the reaſon that Libera • ity ſometimes breaks out into profuſion, an • that Frugality ſo often borders upon Covetouſneſs.

Who puts a ſtop then to thei • impetuous motions?

The great Virtues, which have the power of correcting one another 〈…〉 Prudence moderates Courage; and Reaſo •… herſelf takes Counſel from Reflection. Beſides Modeſty hath the Inſpection over all the Virtues, with power to lay an Arreſt upon thoſe that Trangreſs, delivering them up to Confuſion, which is a mercyleſs Jaylor, that expoſes th • m to ſhame under a Purple Veil, which amongſt the Virtues is a moſt ſevere Puniſhment.

What courſe ought Reaſon to follow, that ſhe may not fall into ſuch perplexities.

To remain indifferent, and rely only upon ſimplicity and ſincerity; to take truth for her guide, and never to look back; that ſhe may avoid the ghaſtly looks of Sorrow and Repentance. To ſpeak always with the Heart upon the Lips, Integrity attending both, as a ſurety that anſwers for all, and juſtifies the demeanour.

I admire what you ſay, but cannot conceive who can have taught you ſo much?

If I take it, I think I ſee a crowd of Actors, filling the Scene of a ſtately Theater, and impatiently expecting the drawing up of the Cloth, that they may begin to Act.

It's exactly ſo, for ſo ſoon as the Eye lifts up the Eye Lid, they begin to Act and Vaniſh.

Though I believe all this to be literally true, yet I dare not brag of it; for what comes from you, paſſes commonly for raving amonſt people that are awake.

Let them think what they pleaſe, what does that concern you? Truth needs no approvers; but in my turn, give me leave to tell you, that I cannot conceive neither, what can have moved you to have put ſo many queſtions to me; for I never took you to be very curious.

Wonder not at that; for ſo long as you did not talk of parting from me, you were to me inſtead of all things; but now that you turn me over to others, I would not have it ſaid, that you had taught me nothing. The truth is, I am very ignorant; I love not that Learning which requires Study, and when I am not p • t to it, to defend my ſelf againſt Intemperance an • Phyſicians, I mind nothing but chearfulneſs and pleaſure. It ſhall not be ſo for the future; I have a Thouſand Queſtions more to put to ye, concerning Reaſon and her Court, which I muſt be informed of.

You may to day ſatisfie your deſire; I know you'l be call'd up, and Reaſon will enlarge in your Praiſes: Nay ſhe hath reſolved for your better Entertainment, to confute the Phyſicians before your face, that you may be revenged on them for all the miſchief they have done you.

That's becauſe we are hard by the Heart, nay I hear Reaſon ſpeaking to him; but ſeeing I am prohibited to enter there, let us ſtop hear a little, I pray you, and liſten to their diſcourſe.

WHat's this I ſee in that Cloſe-ſtool? ha! what a deal of filth and corruption? I know full well you ſhould not eſcape me: I have caught you, at length, and now you are where I would have you.

And where I would too.

In troth you have reaſon, d'ye ſee that ferrugineous Orange-coloured ſtuff, which I touch with the Point of my Wand, it's the very ſubſtance of the Veſicule of the Gall; and theſe ſtreaks and lays of concocted black matter at the ſide of it, give us good aſſurance of the diſopilation of the Spleen; ye muſt needs find your ſelf much at eaſe?

And ſo I am.

And much refreſhed?

Sure enough.

Having turned over and over again that vaſt maſs of ſlimy, concocted, ſanguilent and glutinous matter, I find, that it's no wonder your Reins and Bowels were ſo overcharged; but now, thanks to good Phyſick, we are in the right way to a ſpeedy Cure; and three or four ſmall ſubſequent Potions diverſified according to the indications of time and of the Diſeaſe, will ſhow us the bottom of the Bag, and make us Maſters of the Ten • c • ty of that Meſentery: Well, poor unhealthy Creature, what d'ye ſay to it? would you have all that filth, and thoſe Poyſons in your Body again?

Did you not take the Phyſick which I orderd you laſt Night, to be taken this Morning?

No.

How no? what I ſee then is the effect of the Glyſter you took in the Evening, and of the Julep, when you went to Bed; for this laſt finding Nature moved by the former, might very well have expelled theſe laudable matters; in that caſe you did well to delay your Purge, though I find ſtill great plenitude in this lower Region.

Be ſatisfied, I have taken nothing at all, and all theſe Medicines, Glyſters, and Juleps, you ſpeak of, ſo ſoon as they came out of the Hands of the Apothecary, have been thrown into the Pan of that Cloſeſtool; it were to no purpoſe for me to tell you what effects they have wrought, ſince you your ſelf have told that ſo particularly.

Nay, ask me rather, who hath given me an Antidote againſt your Poyſons; for I would have you know that for the future, I intend not to charge deſperately through Blood and Phyſick, without I well know the cauſe and quarrel.

Ha! I begin to ſmell a Rat, there muſt be ſome Chymiſt, Empirick, and Mountebank in the caſe. Well, well, wee'l ſee what'll become on't in time, and when you have payed ſufficiently for your experience, you'l be glad at your heart to have recourſe to us, when theſe ignorant Raſcals have brought you to the brink of the Grave.

They ſay as much of you, and not without Reaſon too; for there is nothing more certain, than that ſince the Colledg has been convinced that theſe pretended Empiricks have abſolved thoſe whom ye condemned to Death, ye have gone to Law with them about it, and reſolved amongſt your ſelves no more to abandon your Patients, untill ye have cut and ſlaſhed, and as they ſay, given them an Hundred blows after they are dead; and what is cruelleſt of all, you put that charitable reſolution in execution.

How come you to be in this merry humour I pray? doubtleſs you have held your Noſe over the Books of ſomeMedela Medicinae Siduham's firſt Book de Fe bribus, which condemns the Jeſuits Powder; with many others. falſe Brethren, who have been ſo baſe as to Publiſh in Engliſh ſome Secrets of our Art. But Patience, you have not got your ends yet: If I have any Intereſt, the Colledge ſhall invent a new Gibberidge, which no body ſhall be able to underſtand, and then we'll find ways to revenge our ſelves, and our Enemies never be the wiſer for it.

I doubt that; but if it did happen ſo, I ſhould pity thoſe that might be in the ſame errour I have been in. Phyſicians have made a fool of me ſo long, that I think, by turn, I may alſo Laugh a little at them. The diſcoveries and demonſtrations of the Cloſe-ſtool have pleaſed me exceedingly; and indeed, when I ſee a Dozen of you at conſultation together, I fancy I ſee ſo many blind Men throwing at a Cock.

Hold there, enough is enough; ſhould I leave you now to your reprobate ſenſe, what would become of you poor wretch, who know neither the quality of Aliments, nor the quantity that is convenient • or you, nor the time when you ought to take them? who foreſee, no more than a Beaſt, the Diſeaſes • hat threaten you: And being ignorant of the way of prevention, that might divert them, you would at every turn be expoſed to all kinds of Diſtempers, were it not for our provident care of you.

How dare you boaſt of prognoſticating the future, when you cannot tell what it is you ſee, touch, and ſmell? you had need ſpeak of prevention indeed, you who render it ſo often dangerous and mortal.

Enough is as good as a Feaſt, hold there, I ſay.

No, the leaſt Creature that is, knows more than you do, what belongs to precaution and feeding; for without any other advice than that of the Smell and Taſte, it avoids what is contrary to it, and ſticks to that which is good: Nay, ſuppoſe it may perchance eat more at one time than another, forbearing afterward its Food for ſome little time, ſets it to rights again.

On the contrary, if it be any ways indiſpoſed, it lies ſtill, and forbearing (as I told you) to eat, commits it ſelf to Nature, which not being thwarted by Phyſicians, nor interrupted by their Phyſick, Cures it without any ſharp pains; and conducts it from youth to old age, free from any great infirmity.

I am glad to hear a Man Rank himſelf among the Beaſts, and to ſubmit his Reaſon to their inſtinct.

Not ſo neither; I do not think my ſelf more skillful for the Preſervation of my Bodily Health than Beaſts are for the Preſervation of theirs. If their reaſoning be ſhort, it is ſolid, and if ours be large, it is the more wavering. Whence I conclude, that if there be fewer Wheels and Movements in their Clock than in ours, it is the truer for that; and all our ſtrikings and Allarms, our Minutes and Seconds, with the Moon and Tide, ſerve only to put us the more out of order.

I confeſs the Wheels of your noddle are a little too much out of order; you muſt of neceſſity be let Blood, and that quickly too, in the Foot, and in the Arm ſucceſſively, without interruption.

Nay, ſince the matter requires ſo much haſte, you might have ſooner ſaid in all the four Limbs.

You Laugh, but it is no Laughing matter; nay, if Blooding you in the Arm and Foot be not enough, we'll Blood you in the Neck, in the Tongue, and all over, if we have a mind to it.

It is not ſaid without ground, that it's far better to do as Phyſicians do, than to do as they bid you do.

This Itch of tattling, ſhows a depravatian of the Organ, and a great tendency to a ſudden Phrenſie. To prevent this volubility of Tongue, an •… ſwiftneſs of the Pulſe, we muſt proceed by ſpeedy and Specifick ways. Quickl •… then, go call the firſt Surgeon, warm ſome water, make ready bands, bu •… chiefly let us raiſe this Head, and appl •… a Live Pidgeon to it with all its Feathers, to fortify the weakneſs of the Brain.

If the laſt Remedy you ſpeak of be good, it's more proper for you than me: But it is ſtrange that you forbid others to make any noiſe about ſick people, and yet keep ſuch a ſtamping with your Foot, and a bawling with your Directions, which will not be obeyed. I am ſo weary of hearing you give your Directions, and ſo ſick of obeying them; that I'll have my turn of ordering too. Hold your Tongue then, I command you; or I'll make you be quiet, for I am Maſter here.

Hey day, here's ſawcineſs indeed! The World's turned topſie turvie. Fire, fire, where ſhall's find enough of Nenuphar water, and of the Salt of Saturn to aſſiſt the Boyling and efferveſcence of a Blood and Choller, which ſend out Fire and Flames into all parts. Arides quickly, hey, to curb theſe Alcalis: And that we may joyn Topicks to internal Medicines, let a cooling bath of Frogs Spawn be forthwith made ready, but above all things let their be Calves and Lambs in readineſs, for this will not be over without transfuſion.

Can there be more extravagancy ſaid in fewer words?

What a deal of Veal Broth, and Chicken Broth muſt paſs through this Body? not to reckon the Emulſions, Apozems, and Soporificks, which go before the uſe of the juice of Chervil, and of Whey clarified with Fumetory.

If we'll believe one Sect of Phyſicians, all Diſeaſes proceed from heat, and ſtand in need only of Blood letting and cooling Medicines. Conſult an other ſort, and they'll tell ye that the ſame Diſeaſes are cauſed only by the extinction of the Spirits; and that, very far from Blood-letting, the Natural Heat is to be ſtrengthned and increaſed. Theſe Preſcribe Wine, Cordials, Nouriſhing Food and open Air. Thoſe again, at firſt cut you ſhort of your commons •… blaſh your Stomack with cold Liquors▪ and thin Broths, and choak you up in 〈…〉 cloſe and ſtifling Air; as if outward cooling were more dangerous than thoſe Drenches wherewith they inwardly chil •… the Body: What is to be done in ſuch 〈…〉 contrariety?

You confound the offenſive with the defenſive. A Conquerour cannot ſignalize himſelf without effuſion of Blood.

The Queſtion here is not of making Conqueſts. I pretend that every ſick Perſon is upon the defenſive, and that by conſequent he ought to imitate the example of that great GeneralWho by delaying Re-eſtabliſhed the Commonwealth. qui cunctando reſtituit rem. Beſides, ſeeing Cold is the Symbol of Death, were it not better to quicken and encreaſe out Natural heat, than to diminiſh and extinguiſh it? at leaſt, I find my ſelf ſo well with this Maxim, that I'll keep •… s I am.

In what condition then do you take your ſelf to be?

Nay I ask you that Queſtion?

How can I know if you do not tell me?

You do'nt know then ſo much as a Farrier, that Cures Horſes without making them tell him what they ayl.

Fy, Fy, are not you aſhamed to ſay ſuch mean things, I ſhould be madder than you, if I did take notice of that old impatience.

Leave thoſe ſlighting terms to your Phyſicians, from whom they have been borrowed. One ſhould never ſay Fy, Fy, but of Phyſick, and all that belongs to it.

Ha! ſpare your Quirks, I am not for idle quiddities, but ſolid Reaſons. Tell me then ſeriouſly, if you can, you who talk ſo much of Nature and Sickneſs, what Nature and Sickneſs are: For I will ſo ſtop your Mouth, that you ſhall not have ſo much as a Pun or quibble to ſay.

It's a very eaſie matter to ſatisfie you, as thus. Nature and Sickneſs are the heads of two contrary Parties: You are for Sickneſs, and I for Nature: You fight for Death, and I for Life.

What do I take the part of Sickneſs, who make Medicine conſiſt in waging War againſt it.

Call you that to make War againſt Sickneſs, to pitch upon the time when Nature is engaged with it, to fall foul upon her, robbing her of her Blood when ſhe requires ſtrength, and giving her Poyſons to fight with, when ſhe is ready to ſuccumb under her Adverſary? to this you may add, that if in the heat of this War, Nature makes a Truce to take a little Breath; preſently you Cupp, Scarifie, Probe, Glyſter, and ſo alter the ſtate of Affairs, that Victory which enclined to Nature, turns to the other •… de, to Death.

And ye pretended Cham •… ions of Nature what do ye do?

Seeing we have not the vanity •… o Impoſe any orders upon her, we do •… o more but ſend her the Aſſiſtance ſhe demands, and without puzling our ſelves •… o know if the Enemy be in the Blood or •… n the Humours, when we have well re •… ruited Nature, we are certain that ſhe'll overcome the evil, becauſe no force but that of Nature is able to ſubdue Diſeaſes.

Who doubts that? and therefore our whole intent is ſo to manage the ſtrength of the Patient, that we may gradually bring him to Health again.

Nevertheleſs your practice is quite contrary. Are Phyſicians called in the beginning of a Sickneſs; they come prepoſſeſſed, that the Town is full of none but Enemies; and in that perſwaſion, as ſoon as they enter they Charge all they meet with, without diſtinguiſhing the good from the bad, 〈…〉 the innocent from the guilty. Seeing 〈…〉 they propoſe to themſelves is the cle •… evacuation of the place; when they hav •… got their ends, they cry, The Town our own, imagining that it will be as eaſ •… for them to re-people it with new Colonies, as it was to drive out the old Inhabitants. But the Land of Church yards riſes in Judgment againſt theſ •… mortal practices.

I ſee you know not wha •… mettal Phyſicians are made of, if yo •… knew them better, you would not ſpeak of them as you do.

I know them ſo well, that i •… you pleaſe, I'll give you a Character of them in two words.

Let's hear that.

They are Blades fee'd to entertain the Patient with cramp words and flim-flams, untill Nature Cures him, or Phyſick kill him.

I am not at all afraid of my Diſtemper; but I ſhould have cauſe enough to be afraid of Phyſicians, were I fool enough to truſt them any more: call then what you pleaſe, the condition I am in, I am not reſolved to change it.

Keep in your fools Paradiſe. However tell me, why are ye ſo great an enemy to Phyſicians?

I'm an enemy only to their practice. I cannot endure that they ſhould inſolently impoſe upon credulous minds; and that under the veil of Nature, they ſhould follow a rotten method, which makes them preſcribe the ſame things in all Diſeaſes, without reſpect to Sex, Age, Conſtitution, Climat, or Seaſon; And that truſting to their Priviledge, and that the Law obliges them not to take out a Pardon under the Great Seal, they kill all indifferently both Friends and Fee • .

You think then we have no conſcience.

Not ſo altogether; but i •… may be with your Conſciences, as with the Dogs to whom your Anatomiſts cu •… theThat's a very ordinary experement. recurvent Nerves to hinder them from Barking.

And ſo you conclude that the Faculties is like theThat is a ſtory well known, and mentioned in the Hiſtory of the Holy War. Old Man of the Mountains and his Aſaſſins: I mean that ſhe breeds her Sons, if not with deſign to diſpatch all Men, yet at leaſt with proſpect of killing methodically all our Patients.

No I do not think you kil •… them deliberately and with deſign; no, your ignorance is more to be blamed •… han your malice for ſuch Murders; and we are perſwaded that it is no fault of yours, if your Patients and their Infirmities be not immortal.

To hear you ſpeak, a Body would think that Phyſicians never Cured any Man.

Nor are they, indeed cut out for curing the ſick, but for comforting thoſe who ſurvive the dead.

Nevertheleſs, were I to engage in open War againſt the Hereticks of Medicine, ſuch as you are, I ſhould deſire no other aid for overthrowing of them, than the aſſiſtance of thoſe who owe their Life to my skill and labours.

In that caſe, I ſhould look upon you to be ſo ill accompanied, that I would make Conſcience of bringing a ſecond with me; becauſe the Laws of Honour do not allow two to fight againſt one.

That would not be now to be done, if at preſent Men deſired, as then they did, to have Families numerous in Children; but ſeeing now adays they are thought moſt happy who have none at all, and that ye contribute much to the attaining to that felicity; ye are looked upon as a neceſſary evil; nay it is the preſent mode too, that every one dy •… after your way. And to compleat your good Fortune, the Dead who ought to call you to an account, are not revengefull; and the Widow and Heir who ey •… the Eſtate more than revenge, let you live in peace.

And ſo at one clap we are both accuſed and Sentenced, and may a next ſtep be hanged up too, if any Body will be at the charge of it. But hav •… you forgot that golden SentenceHonour the Phyſican for neceſity ſake. Honora medicum propter neceſſitatem.

Sure enough, to the end the Phyſician may render him good for evil.

However, if you'l believe a greatCorn, a Lapide, Eccleſiaſticus c. 38.15. Commentatour upon the paſſ • ge, he'll make it out to ye, that a ſikneſs is like a criminel procaſs; that the Patient on that occaſion is the Priſoner, the Inſtruments of Chirurgery, and the Potions of the Apothecary, the Engines of the Rack and Torture; the Lord, the Judge, and the Phyſician, the Executioner.

Theſe Doctors fancy that the Books which they comment, are like the Ringing of Bells; and it's an old ſaying ye know, As the Fool thinks, the Bell clinks.

To juſtify theſe Authors, I could load you with an infinite number of uncontroverted inſtances, but I ſhall content my ſelf with theſe Two Verſes.

I am not of the mind that ye are ſo much to be pitied as you pretend. On the contrary, I know no Profeſſion more happy than that of Phyſicians. Is any killed by them? the Earth preſently Buries their Crime; does Nature ſave a Patient out of their hands? they claim the Honour of it; and the Sun illuſtrates their pretended Victory.

It's your negligence and not the Diſeaſe that's incurable; had you throughly ſtudied the Ancients▪ and Modern, who have ſearched Nature, to her very Center, you might have preſerved thoſe in Health, whom you have deprived of Life; but ye are ſo headſtrong and opinionative, that ye had rather dy, than ſuffer the uſe of a Medicine, which Hippocrates and Gallen have not recommended to practice.

Theſe ſearchers of Nature are ſilly blockheads. Not one of theſe Bellows-blowers but has a Million in his head for a Penny in his Purſe. They never ſee a Patient, but that they imagine his Body to be a Furnace; his Heart a Crucible, his Blood and Humours, Sulphur and Mercury; and making uſe on all occaſions of the Lungs for Bellows; they pretend by the force of bubble, and that to perſwade you, that there is nothing more eaſie to be ſound than the Phyloſophers Stone; and if you will not believe them, they deſire a Crown of you to buy Bread. I am ſo tired out with their impertin • nces and your follies, that I'll hear no more. Beſides my other Patients want the time that I looſe here. Eſpecially I am concerned for the hungry Convaleſcents, whoſe greedy Appetite may ſerve us an ugly trick. Relapſes are worſe than the firſt evil

Never vex your ſelf upon that account, your Patients ſuffer leſs in your abſence, then when you make them loll out a Foot of Tongue, and ſqueze and preſs their hypochondres. As for your Convaleſcents, you'll be with them ſoon enough, to aſſure them, as moſt important News, that they ſhall have the little Chicken Broath, which you promiſed them laſt Night for Dinner; to which you'll add as a ſingular favour, the permiſſion of ſucking and chewing the little bones of the Boiled Chicken and Veal. And as a tranſcendent kindneſs, they ſhall have for deſert, the half of a little roaſted Apple, or a little of the liquor of ſtewed Prunes, with a little piece of Bisket. All this delivered in a coaxing tone, and with a ſmirkling Mouth, which is not to be endured but in a Nurſe that looks bonny upon her Babe, when ſhe has a mind to play and fool with it.

I would willingly know of you who pretend to ſo great skill, what you would Preſcribe to one upon a Recovery from a ſickneſs?

To eat while he is a hungry, and to drink while he is a dry, of what he has moſt mind to, allowing him for company at Table Taſte, Appetite, nay and the Fever it ſelf.

A fair way to diſpatch more, than we kill according to your own reckoning.

Pardon me there: For I would not keep a ſick Perſon in a ſlip during the whole courſe of his ſickneſs, ſeeing I'de give him leave to eat and drink, he would not fall into that canine hunger, which devours your Convaleſcents, and if by chance, he committed ſome little exceſs, it would be an eaſie matter to make amends for it by Patience, Experience, and Abſtinence.

Ho, ho, do ye ſpeak of Patience and Abſtinence, that isA Secret not to be revealed. Secretum non Revelandum.

And why is not that Secret to be revealed, if it be good? Be ruled by me, ſhut up your Phyſick Schools, or modell your Faculty after a Parliamentary manner; let it have an upper houſe to puniſh the Rich Nobles, who have eat but too much, when they were well, with hunger and faſting; and a lower houſe appointed for the inferiour people, to oblige them to eat and drink of what is good; making the Rich Mans Ordinary, the Poor Mans Phyſician; and the Labour and Abſtinence of the Poor, the Rich Mans rule of Diet. That's the only way to work good Cures, and to regain your Reputation.

We are not to be adviſed what to do by ſuch an empty skull as thine. Conſider a little, that you cannot be without us; and that if you do not inſtantly make me ſatisfaction, I'll have an Action of Scandalum againſt you.

Of what uſe d'ye take your ſelves to be to a ſick Perſon? you are juſt to him wh • t a Paſs-port is to a Merchant Travelling upon the Frontiers of an Enimies Country; if he meet with no body, his Paſs-port is of no uſe to him, and if he fall upon a Party of the Enemy, truſting to his Paſs-port, he runs headlong into the Ambuſh, and is killed, before ever he be asked who comes there. In the mean time they come off with, it's pity he's Dead, but his Paſs-port was up ranuated, and he ought not to have truſted to it raſhly, as he did.

And what d'ye conclude from this extravagancy.

There is no end of your inſulting calumnies. However your Frenſie hath ſuch ſingular Symptoms, that I'll obſerve it to the end, that I may be able to entertain the Publick with an Idea of perfect folly.

I ſhould willingly alſo make a Collection of the Impertinences of the Colledge; if Tyranny went not ſo far as to force thoſe who in their Writings ſpeak of Phyſick, to bear the marks of the Faculty.

Could it do leſs for putting a ſtop to the inſolence of thoſe who Publiſh, that we do no more but let Blood, Purge and give Glyſters.

Yet for all your defences, you are daily expoſed on the Stage with the Habit, Look, Tone, and Gate, which ye affect moſt.

Keep your Hellebores and Bedlams for thoſe that truſt in you: You know that Phyſick is Mortal to a Body that is in Health, and though I were as much diſturbed, as you would have me to be, the beſt Remedy ſtill would be Reſt. I order it then, and I'll take it. As for you, it is my advice, that you would renounce the Art you profeſs; becauſe it is not lawfull to follow a Trade that one underſtands not, and give your ſelf wholly to the ſtudy of Nature; that's a better Advice than I ever had from you. However I am obliged to you for your Compaſſion; for it's a rare thing to be pitied by a Phyſician, Adieu. If you come in my way again you ſhall not eſcape ſo well.