I Lye under the Two powerful Ob­ligations of Love and Obedience. I love you, Sir, and you command me. And though the Command you lay on me, be of very difficult per­formance, yet Love and Obedience which have often conquer'd things, in appearance impossible, will not refuse to overcome the greatest Difficulties.

You tell me you are upon Marrying, and desire me to give you some Advice, how to behave your self in that New State of Life. I am of opinion, it is harder to find, and there are fewer that [Page 2] will ask, than that are able to give Ad­vice in this Case.

He who desires and endeavours to be well advised, seems to stand least in need of it; for it is so great prudence to take counsel, that I am apt to believe the Man who asks, is most capable of governing himself without it.

The first Counsel I will give you, is, that you rely not in any point upon my opinion alone: for tho' the Will to serve you be not wanting, yet I may perhaps fall short in Understanding, to counsel right. It is more rare to find the Will and Understanding united, than Honour and Profit: and the Un­derstanding, tho' one of the great Pow­ers of the Soul, is not infallible in its Direction, being often mislead through Weakness.

Antiquity has left many profitable Rules for Marryed People to walk by; our Modern Learning has enlarged up­on, or put them into other Language.

We will take up with a more fami­liar sort of Discourse, as the diversion of the long Winter Nights; in which, I write these Rules with an easy, and pleasing Stile, as best suits with your [Page 3] Condition and Youth, tho' disagreeable to my Humor and Fortune.

Seneca, Aristotle, Plutarch and Plato, must excuse me; Porcia, Cassandra, Ze­nobia and Lucretia, the so much cele­brated Examples of this kind, must not be offended; for I hope, without Sen­tences of the former, or Actions of the latter, to express what you desire to hear, and what I design to say.

I am at Years of Discretion, have been bred in Courts, have Travelled, made Remarks, and remember what I observed. I have seen, read, and heard. From this Experience will de­duce my Rules, hence the Examples I shall offer: These shall be the Books I will Quote; and perhaps some Tales I can remember, being here offered, will be no less to the purpose, and more pleasing, than the old Stories of Greeks and Romans, so often served up by those we call Learned, and which as often we are apt to nauseate.

It is certain, all Change causes a strangeness in the Mind. To remove from one House to another, is somewhat irksom. A change of Life, must then make a considerable Alteration in any Man.

[Page 4]To shun this Strangeness, consider Sir, you were born and bred to this end, to come to this state of Life; and this you long since knew, was the con­dition allotted you.

This State of Life is properly your own, the other was but tending to it. No Man complains, that he is arrived at the end of his Journy.

Consider not this as any restraint upon your Liberty, but rather as one going up hastily a steep Stair-case, wishes for a place to rest; so a Man as­cending this Ladder of Life, the higher he mounts, and the more loosely he lives, the more need he has of the re­pose of Matrimony, which is therefore called a State and Settlement of Life, as being not only the end tended to, but also a condition of Repose and Quiet.

Tho' you have not ascended many Steps, that is, lived many Years, you have still lived enough; and after such a manner, it is high time to seek that Rest you are coming to, which now comes in a proper season.

The Son marrying, requites the be­nefit he receiv'd of his Father; for had not the Father marryed, he had not [Page 5] been. Thus Men successively contri­bute one to another, and all to the Me­mory of those who gave them their Being, and to whom they owe the greatest Obligations next to God.

Young Men are frighted at the Rela­tions they hear from people unfortu­nately Matched; for it is more natural and common, that good Food should be converted into ill Humors by meet­ing that ill Disposition in our Bodies, than that the ill Humors found there, should be changed by the Food into Nourishment. Young Men think the Bands of Matrimony insupportable; they are so to those who know not how to wear them, but easy to them that do. A small weight on a Man's back is cumbersom, a much greater drawn upon Wheels, is easier. The Burthen of Wedlock is not beyond our strength, it generally wants being supported by Prudence, and therefore appears the heavier.

Would you know how light the Burthen of this sort of Life is? VVeigh it by that you leave; put into the Scale your former Restlessness, the Dangers, the Disgusts, the Disorders of the Affe­ctions, [Page 6] that general mistrust of all things (that want of Confidence in any body,) Complaints which trouble, Revenge which endangers, Falshood in Friends which torments, Jealousy which wastes, Courtship that con­sumes you, the dangers of your Ho­nour, the lavishing of your Health, the exposing your Life, and the continual remorse of your Conscience: then will you rejoice all this is left behind.

VVere the advantages of VVedlock no other, but that it delivered a Man from so many Evils, well might it still merit the Name of a holy and sweet course of Life. Now let us see what it is a marryed Man receives, in lieu of his so much boasted of Freedom.

He is put into a better State of Free­dom, and is possessed of a VVoman who deposites in his hands, her Liberty, her VVill, her Fortune, her Care, her Obedience, her Life, and even her very Soul. VVho is there so blind, that weighing what he leaves, and what he receives, will not discover how great a Gainer he is by the change?

One of the circumstances that most contributes towards securing the future [Page 7] Happiness of those that Marry, is the due proportion of the Match. Inequality of Birth, of Fortune, of Age, causes Di­sputes, and those Disputes produce Dis­cord. This it is that brings on all Troubles, there is no Peace, and the marryed Life is Hell upon Earth.

For the satisfaction of Parents, it is requisite there be some equality in Birth, for the good of the Children, that there be a proportion of Fortunes; and for the satisfaction of the Marryed Couple, that there be no disproportion of Years. It does not follow, that this equality must hold between Man and VVife to a day or year, but the diffe­rence ought not to be exceeding great. VVhat odds there are, ought always to be on the Husbands side, who in all respects must be superior to the VVo­man: yet the greatest Happiness al­ways consists in the greatest Equality.

A great Courtier among us, used to say, There were three sorts of Mar­riages in the world; a Marriage of God, a Marriage of the Devil, and a Mar­riage of Death. Of God, when a Young Man marries a Young VVo­man. Of the Devil, when an Old [Page 8] VVoman marries a Young Man. And of Death, when an Old Man marries a Young VVoman.

There is no doubt he was much in the right, for a Young Couple may live with Content. Old VVomen marryed to Young Men, live in perpetual Dis­cord. Old Men marryed to Young VVomen, hasten their own Death, ei­ther through Jealousy, or Excess.

But because these things are too vul­gar, and the meanest capacities have some knowledge of them, and conse­quently the judicious, enough; it is time to come to particulars not so obvious.

Know then, Sir, that by VVedlock, another Soul is added to your Soul, and a new Duty is laid upon that which before was incumbent on you: and therefore your care and industry ought proportionably to increase. Just as a Man who having one good Farm which he looked after, and endeavoured to improve; if another happened to fall to him, would endeavour to double his Industry, that he might manage both, without expressing any concern or trouble: So a Marryed Man, without afflicting himself, must double his [Page 9] Forecast and Care, that he may not be wanting to the new Charge he has ta­ken, and is lay'd upon him by the VVife he has received; not that he should expose and ruin her, and him­self in her, but that he should Live more pleasant and comfortably with her.

Let us see if it be possible to prescribe some rule of Love, which is often what makes Marry'd People most Unhappy; sometimes because it is wanting, and sometimes because it is excessive. Let us at least spread the Nets to catch this sort of prudent Love, and let him fall into the Snare if he will, though it is likeliest he will fly from it, and that perhaps is the reason he is painted with Wings.

The Wife must be belov'd, but not so that the Husband be lessen'd or brought into danger. That sort of blind Love is only fit for Mistresses, the Love of a Wife must have Eyes. Let him either recover his own, or borrow sight from the Understanding, which can plentifully supply him.

It is then a Man is lessen'd by his Wife, when he forfeits his Authority, and exposes his Reputation, rather than [Page 10] contradict her will; in such cases where it is reasonable, she should be contradi­cted. It is equally dangerous to imitate Narcissus in loving another, as in ad­miring ones self.

Certain Cardinals highly commend­ed to Pope Pius Quintus, a Servant he had whom he much favour'd, the Pope answer'd, he is a good Servant, but never contradicts me. It is rather the perfection of Love, than any want of affection, to curb the will of the loved object, when bent upon things not fit to be allow'd.

There are some Men who have so little Sence, they boast of their Capti­vity. It is an equal shame for a Mar­ry'd Man to let it be known his Wife commands him; or that he makes her his Slave, and not his Companion.

The Priviledge and the Authority that belongs to each, ought of right to be setled and made known at first. The Husband must be like the Sun in his House, the Wife like the Moon; what light she gives, must be borrowed from him, but she must never suffer an Eclipse. He must Govern with abso­lute power, and his respect must sup­port [Page 11] her Authority. She must fear him, and he must cause all to fear her, then both will be Obeyed.

In my Opinion Women are like pre­cious Stones, their Price is enhansed or abased according to the account we make of them.

Such as Marry Women above them­selves, in both Fortune or Knowledg, are exposed to great danger. God has delivered you from this danger, Sir, (and all that Marry as you have done) because you two are equal in all re­spects, wherein there ought to be equality between Man and Wife, and you are superior in those points you ought to be so in. Eldership is a good pledge on the Husbands side, to secure his Prerogative.

I will not stay to prescribe Remedies for preventing these dangers, for it is not my design to give counsel how to chuse a Wife, but how to live with her already chosen.

He who Marries a Young Wife, has already half compassed his ends: Ten­der Years are free from ill Customs, be­cause such as are there, having taken no Root, are easily removed.

[Page 12]A Man accusing his Wife for her ill Qualities before his Prince, was ask'd by him, at what Age he Marry'd her? The Husband saying, at Twelve Years of Age; the King reply'd, Then it is you that ought to be punished, for Breeding her so ill.

A Young Lion is easily tamed. A Bird grows fond of the very Wires of the Cage that confines him; whereas naturally the former is fierce, and the latter free. Education is a second Birth, and if it differ from the first in any par­ticular, it is only that the second is the more prevalent.

A Man of Sense and Judgment Mar­rying a Woman at that Age, must imagin he is to be his VVifes Father as well as Husband. He may cause her to be born again in new Conditions: Since we see a Bear, being a Beast so unweildy that it seems not to know how to go upon the ground, Dance upon a Rope; who can despair of infu­sing all the good customs, and qualities into a Young VVoman that her Hus­band shall propose? And what reason is there to imagin, she will not follow and Suck in the bad, if the Husband [Page 13] leads her into, and gives her an example to continue in them?

Very Young VVomen are in some danger, through the extraordinary Af­fection they bear towards their Parents and Brothers; and the ill consequences of this inordinate affection are the more to be feared, by how much they are the more plausible. This affection is generally to be regulated by the merits of the Parents and Relations. VVhen Parents are such as they ought to be, it is commendable; when otherwise, it is requisite that Familiarity be presently, with decency broke off. Above all, in Marry'd VVomen, I would rather see respect for their Parents, than Love, not wholly to exclude it; for there is no true Obedience without some Love: But in case it be too much Love, and they not worthy of it, the remedy is not very difficult, if there be address and policy in the Husband.

Towards the compassing this end, it is convenient the Husband apply fresh endearment and attractives, and that he Court and Sooth his Wife as much more as would be necessary, were this occasion taken away.

[Page 14]The Child that knows no other su­stenance but the Mothers Brest, leaves it for Honey or Sugar which it finds sweeter than the Milk. The Love of a Husband is more agreeable to a VVo­man, than that of her Parents and Re­lations, thence it follows, that a VVife being cherished and oblig'd by the Hus­band, easily forgets Father, Mother, Brothers, and all the VVorld for him.

This endearment ought to be mana­ged with discretion, and be carried on with Actions as well as VVords. A Gown or Petticoat not ask'd, some Cu­riosity unexpected, an Entertainment abroad not thought of, staying at home some Evening, coming home early some Night, and perhaps Rising late some Morning, are the things that will make way towards her forgetting the usual fondness towards Parents, when it so behoves the Husband.

Some have doubted whether there could be true Love between those who Marrry'd for conveniency, and with formal Articles; and believed this per­fect union was reserved only for those who Marry for Love. To this effect a pleasant Gentleman being sollicited by [Page 15] a Kinswoman to Marry for convenien­cy, answer'd her; Madam, I cannot promise to secure my Love to any Bo­dy by Articles before a Notary, but by my own inclination.

There are good and bad Examples enough of both Kinds; but I being more fond of Reason than Chance, will give my Opinion in this case, tho' to some it may appear new.

I am perswaded, this thing the world calls Love, is not only one, but several distinct Beings under the same Name. This perhaps may be the reason, the Antients; feigned so many Loves or Cupids, to each whereof they ascribed a several Birth; and this perhaps, might give occasion to the Spaniards to speak of Love in the Plural Number, calling it Amores, which if but one, would be very improper. I suppose, two sorts of Love: The first is, that common Sympathy or Affection, which of its own natural Force (without any Reason) carries us away to Love we know not what, nor why: The second is, that which continues our Inclina­tion and good Will to those Objects we know and converse with. The first [Page 16] ends in the possession of the Object de­sired. The second begins there; but in such manner, that neither does the first always produce the second, nor does the second always proceed from the first.

Hence I infer, that the love produced by Cohabitation, Familiarity and Mu­tual Duty, between Marryed People, to be sincere and perfect; has no depen­dance on that other sort of love, which sprung from the Desires or extravagant Appetite of those, who before disorder­ly affected one another, which is com­monly called Being in Love; and this sort of Inclination being often (if not counterfeit) only the unconsiderate effect of Youth, has proved rather hurtful than beneficial.

‘It is not to be doubted, this mista­ken Desire which is also miscalled Love, being ill grounded, and deser­ving rather the name of a vicious Af­fection, expires in the possession of the Object, because it had no other Foun­dation but the satisfying an Appetite, which once tasting what it most ar­dently desired, soon Surfeits, and ever has a Loathing, and nauseates that [Page 17] Delight it so greedily took the first fill of. But, where a sincere love is setled upon solid grounds, a reciprocal Cor­respondence, mature Reflection, ripe­ness of Judgment to discern, and an esteem of good Qualities and natural Perfections, as well as exterior Form, and a fading Complection; that love, I say, must of necessity be lasting, will need no Arts to support it, and will like the Phenix, be still sweetly burn­ing, for to rise the more vigorous and glorious out of its own Ashes. Let none object, that Love is Blind, and cannot use so much precaution. It is our vile Appetite which is blind, and to which we unjustly give the name of Love. True Love is very clear-sighted, discreet and judicious, and measures all its Actions by the Rules of Honour and Reason.’

It is hard to conceive, how we can truly love a Person we never saw. Much may be said touching this parti­cular, but it belongs not to this place. In this case, we must do like those who cut Timber, and cast it into a River to be carryed by the Stream (without any labour) to the place they design: they [Page 18] know not which way their Timber goes, but are satisfyed it will come safe, by what has been sent the same way before, and therefore confidently com­mit it to the water. Let the Husband suffer himself to be carryed away by that vertuous custom; let him not strive against the Stream; for when he least thinks of it, and without knowing how it came to pass, he will find, he loves his Wife intirely, and is recipro­cally beloved by her.

‘This Position will sound very harsh in the Ears of English Men, and not without reason; nor can I in any man­ner approve of it. The custom of keeping Women mewed up in Spain and Portugal, is the occasion our Au­thor gives this Advice, suitable to the place where he writ. But, we must not therefore conclude, it is the pra­ctice of only those Countries, to take Wives at a venture. All the Great Men of the VVorld use it; Kings and Princes seldom or never, see their Consorts till secured; and this custom has descended to all Men of any consi­derable Fortunes, who are often con­tracted to Women at a great distance, [Page 19] and all the sight they obtain of them, is a Picture, in which the Painter ra­ther expresses his Art than her Face, and is obliged to Flatter, to enhance his Reward. And to say the truth, where conveniency and interest is the Aim, it is indifferent whether a Man sees the Woman or not, since it is not Her he Marries, but his Interest. If she is Beautiful, he stands not to exa­mine her Qualities; if she is never so much Deformed, he is satisfyed, so the Portion be agreeable. Therefore we must not look upon this custom of not seeing the Women, as only usual in other Countries; it is too much the Practice of our own. I must avow, I can no way approve of it, being cer­tainly the occasion of so many unhap­py Matches, as may be obvious with­out descending to particular Exam­ples, which would be endless; for it is visible, that few of the greatest Men, and they are generally Marryed after this manner, have no more esteem for their VVives than what Decen­cy superficially obliges them to. Few love, most for shame strive to be Ci­vil to them. But let us return to our Author:’

[Page 20]Let the VVife be made sensible, it is her Duty to love her Husband above all things. Let the Husband understand, he must be most in love with his Ho­nour, and next with his VVife.

There is an antient Spanish Proverb that says, She who has no Husband, has no Friend. And another says, He who has a Wife, has all he wants. This is verify'd in every happy Couple. Proverbs are Sentences full of Truth, which Experience has put into the mouths of the People.

But, because it happens that not­withstanding all precautions, when God will punish us with the Cross or Shame of a Woman of perverse Tem­per; she struggles to maintain her self in her Disorders. We will discourse of the ill Qualities they are generally sub­ject to, that fit Remedies may be ap­plied to them all: Yet it must not be hoped, that all Women are in a possi­bility of being Cured.

Some Women believe, that because they are true to their Marriage-bed, their Husbands are obliged in all other respects, to bear with whatsoever they will impose upon them. This is a very [Page 21] gross mistake, for two Reasons: The first, because a Husband is no way be­holding to an honest Woman, for per­forming the Duty she owes to God, to Nature, to her Fame, and even to her Safety.

I remember that being at Madrid, I had a Neighbour a high spirited Wo­man, who quarrelling one day (as she always us'd to do,) still buzz'd in her Husbands Ears, Sir, I am very Honest. And he replyed, Then ask your Reward of God Almighty, for it lyes not upon me to requite you for being so, but to punish you if you are not.

The second Reason is, because the Honour of the Husband is not only lost by Incontinency, but by many other Perils, to which they expose Men by their Extravagancies. It was therefore a witty, but not a true Saying, of one who affirmed, That no Man had more need of Patience, than he who had a good Wife, a good Servant, and a good Horse; for that each of them sensible of their own Value, followed their own Will, and not that of the Master or Owner. On the same reason perhaps, was grounded that waggish Spanish Saying; A good [Page 22] Mule, a good Goat, and a good Woman, are three scurvy Beasts.

Imperious and high Spirited Women are the hardest to be reclaimed, because they grow more haughty upon the meekness of a Husband, which ought to be their only cure: it being always known, that the Proud are more inso­lent where they find Humility, and the Outragious grow more fierce at the sight of Mildness. Among People of Credit, no force or violence can be used. This gave occasion to a Wise Man to say, That among other things, the Commonalty had wrested from the Gentry, one was the priviledge of correcting their Wives whensoever they deserved it.

It requires a great deal of Prudence, to curb Women of this Temper. I would advise those who are under such unhappy circumstances, to avoid as much as may be, living in Courts and great Towns. Those who make a noise in a Desert, are least heard. This will put a stop to many inconvenien­cies: and a Man will avoid becoming the Town-talk; for the Actions of such unhappy Couples, are the common dis­course of Censorious Tongues. This is [Page 23] no small Reflection on the Husband, and is in some measure an Affront al­ways sounding in his Ears, no less than the Voice of his noisy Wife.

An ugly Wife is a common Trouble, but may be eased many times in a day; that is, as often as the Husband goes out of her sight, or she out of his. Let him consider, the security of his Thoughts is of much more value than the pleasure of his Eyes. Let him rest satisfyed in this Security, and perswade himself, the difference is not much between lo­sing all Beauty at once, and seeing it daily decay, which is no small Affli­ction to him that loves. All Women are subject to this Decay, either by Age, Sickness, or other Misfortunes incident to them. This made an ingenious Man complain, Not that Nature cut off, but that it made Beauties grow old.

‘He who has a Deformed Wife, has the least cause to complain of any Man, or if he does, it ought to be only of himself. Other Imperfections may be hid; Beauty and Deformity are too visible to be imposed upon any Man. If he saw not the Wife before Marri­age, he was in the wrong to take her [Page 24] at a venture; were he to buy a Horse, he would doubtless see him first. If he saw, and liked, his Fault is greater in being so changeable to reject now, what then he approved of. If Conve­nience and Interest prevailed above the consideration of Form, his Crime is greatest, in selling his Satisfaction first, and not prizing afterwards the poor Creature has purchas'd him at a dear rate. These considerations should stir him up to Love and Respect; but if they are not of force enough, let him look thro' those exterior Imperfe­ctions; he may perhaps, discover the Beauties of a Soul far transcending all those of the Body. When Nature is defective in one part, it for the most part makes amends in another. It is usual for some Men with one Eye, to see more than others with two. Ma­ny Beautiful Bodies have deformed Souls; and the contrary, this latter is the most perfect Beauty.’

A foolish Woman is troublesom, but not intollerable. The Husband must endeavour to lend as much of his Dis­cretion towards directing the Actions of his Wife, as he sees she wants. A [Page 25] Man of sense will observe this method; but if he have as little as she, her weak­ness will never trouble him.

‘Few Men will be so mad to marry a meer Natural: for the rest, if a Woman has sence enough to preserve her Ho­nour, the Husband had better bear with Simplicity and Innocence, which may be guided and informed, than with the incorrigible Humors and Va­nity of Women, puffed up with the conceit of their Wit, Discretion and Parts. It is certain, the Pride of their own Abilities has debauched more Women, and dishonoured more Men, than ever could be reckon'd to suffer damage by Ignorance or want of Judgment.’

Sickness, which she is subject to, is also a great Affliction. It is a grief to see the Person beloved languish, and it is often they that deserve it least; for Good and Evil has always been very unequally distributed in this VVorld. A Sick Wife must be treated with all deli­cacy imaginable, and her Humours to­lerated with all possible Patience. A Man may make this account, that it be­ing decreed one half of him must suffer; [Page 26] it is a Mercy of God, it should fall upon that half which will be least missed in his Family. Let him consider, it is the Duty of a faithful Companion, to stick by his Company in the bad as well as the good way. If the Scale were turn­ed, the Husband would desire to be treated in the same manner by his Wife.

There are some Women extravagant­ly impertinent, and never to be pleased; all their uneasiness falls upon the Ser­vants, to whom they become insuppor­table: so the House gets an ill Name, and the Master can scarce find any body that will serve him. It is requisite these Women be held in, and their Power re­strained; that like People labouring under some infectious Distemper, they be served at a distance, that little ear be given, and less said to them. Let them feel the effects of their ill Humours, by leaving them without the necessary At­tendance; for if this will not reduce them, any other Remedy is hard to be found, and the innocent Husband suf­fers for the peevishness of his ill natur'd Wife, that has gained the ill-will of the Servants, who want Discretion to di­stinguish between the Actions of the [Page 27] one and the other, and consequently which of them merits their Love, and which their Hate.

Some Women are penurious, and this is one of the smallest Faults they are subject to. I do not look upon it of any dangerous consequence (tho' it may breed some Discontent;) for if the Husband is generous, he will remedy the fault of the Wife; and if like her, they will live in misery, but with con­tent. I think, all the cunning Hiero­gliphicks of Egypt have not a more wit­ty Simile, than our Portuguese Proverb, The Husband a Boat, the Wife a Chest. I had it long since from an Old Woman, and observed it as if it had been from a Learned Man. The Husband must bring in, and the Wife must keep.

A Jealous Wife is very apt to cause Discontent. A Man of Judgment used to say, Keep a Jealous Wife idle: that is, give her no occasion, and she will not seek it. He did not distinguish be­tween a just cause of Complaint, and a groundless Jealousy; for I call not her Jealous, whose Discontent proceeds from open Wrongs. Those are Jealous who complain without cause, and they [Page 28] are the troublesom Women: For it is difficult, but not impossible to any Man, to mend his own Faults; but to correct those of others, is not difficult, but im­possible. The best Remedy against a Jealous Wife, is to give her no occasion, and that will secure both Honour and Conscience. Those that are Jealous with cause, are cured of their Jealousy, by the Husbands curing himself of his Failing As for light Suspitions, which an ingenious Man called, The Itch of Love, for that they are at once painful and pleasant; the same Medicines that were applyed to a Mistress, will heal a Wife of them: That inordinate Passion is most fierce, and therefore the Jealousy proceeds from it the more violent, (as the best Vinegar is made of the strong­est Wine:) Therefore, he who knew how to divert the Jealousy of a Mistress, when he had one, may by the same me­thods, remove the Jealousy of his Wife when Marryed.

‘Tho' it be uneasy to see a Woman Jealous without cause, there is still that comfort in it, It is the effect of Love; and a Husband may the better bear with that Failing, considering it [Page 29] as a demonstration of Affection in his Wife. Let him apply soft Medicines, continual Endearments, and constant Kindness, will probably reclaim any reasonable Woman. If her madness be not otherwise curable, a harsh Reme­dy may, sometimes applyed with dis­cretion, have a good effect. I will not attempt to prescribe it, but give this Example: A Gentleman who kept unseasonable hours, at his coming home, always found his Wife up, she grew Sickly, and Pined; not under­standing the reason, he one day called a Servant that attended on her, and what by Threats, what by fair Means, brought her to confess, her Mistress every night followed him till she saw him Hous'd; and that with the Fa­tigues of walking the Streets, the cold Nights, and vexing at home, she was reduced to that condition. The Gen­tleman charged the Maid to keep counsel, and took no notice of what he had heard; but the following night went out as usual, and knowing her to be at his Heels, walked the Streets till near Morning; she still pursuing him. He went home; the Wife per­ceiving [Page 30] by his Ramble, she was disco­vered, never more offered to follow him, and he for the future kept better Hours.’

The next that come in the way, are the Extravagant wasteful Women, the devouring flame of Houses and Fami­lies. This is a most Pernicious quali­ty, because it carries some shadow of Goodness, and is much applauded. A Woman ought to handle Money with as much caution as she would a Sword, or Fire, or any other thing she ought to be afraid of. Money in the hands of a Woman, is as unbecoming as a Wea­pon. If a Marryed Woman of her self, has not sufficient Authority to turn a­way a Servant, how can she pretend to dispose of her Substance, in which con­sists the Welfare and Happiness of Ma­sters and Servants. Much caution and discretion is requisite, to manage one of these Women: for as in a Ship at Sea, the springing a Leak, because Under­water is more dangerous, than if many Breaches were made upon the Deck, or Sides of the Ship that bear above the Sea; so no other defect is equally dan­gerous, as the profuseness of a Wife, [Page 31] because it is a fault Under-water, it ruines the main Stoek, and the Family must inevitably Perish. There are some of these who will Mortgage an Estate, to gratify a Humor, or please their Ap­petite. Not only great Ladies are sub­ject to this Folly (for in them it is less dangerous, and therefore more excusa­ble,) but even very ordinary People. When I was at Madrid, there came to the House where I lay, a Labourers Wife, begging very earnestly, they would lend her twelve Royals upon a pair of Sheets; and being asked, What was her great want? she answered, Good Lord! Gentlemen, I haue agreed for half a dozen of Jet-hands, (they are Baubles usually hung about Childrens Neck, to preserve them from ill Eyes, as they say,) and if I miss of them now, I know not when they may be had again. Such a fancy, if not customary, is the more tolerable. It is more excusable in Youth, in a Married Woman less to be born. Let every Woman consider, the World is greater than her Appetite, that she may not pretend to want all she sees and hears. God deliver us from those who verify that Proverb, My [Page 32] Daughters Eyes cover all she Spies. These VVomen must be put in mind, they are first to have regard to their Duty, next to Temperance, and after these may be allowed to look to their Pleasure.

What shall I say of those wilful VVo­men, who will be positive and absolute in their Opinions: these for the most part, are either very Foolish or very Proud. I cannot allow of arguing with a VVife, for this is granting them an equality of Judgment and Authority, which must be carefully avoided. She must be made sensible, it is not her part to understand, but to obey, and to be lead, not to lead. Let her sometimes be put in mind, that having in Marri­age resigned her VVill to her Husband, it is now a Crime to make use of what is not her own.

‘There is no doubt, my Author has incurred the displeasure of all the Fe­male Sex, by seeming to debar them the handling and disposing of Money, which they esteem [...]s an essential part of their Perogative, and not without reason: yet in this point as well as others, I think him no way meritori­ous of their Censure; he speake of [Page 33] prodigal Women, such as have no regard to the welfare of Husband and Family, so they gratify their own profuse appetite. Such Wives cannot certainly be too severely Curb'd. We think it not strange that Children and Fools, should have Tutors or Keepers, and be debarred the extravagant use of Money. Why then if a Marry'd Wo­man still continues in her Minority, and never recovers Sense enough to moderate her Expences; shall not a Husband take upon him to be her Guardian, her Tutor, and her Keep­er? I Knew a Lady, who having wast­ed her Husband's Estate, and drown'd his Credit by Gaming, was still so fond of that destructive Devil, she would play with her Servants, and lose her wearing Apparel. I have seen another Pawn her Husband's Cloaths, to appear Splendid abroad, and even her own Gown, to go to a Play. What Restraint, what Rigor is too great for such Monsters as these? But on the other side, to deprive a Prudent VVo­man from having a hand in the Purse; I look upon it not only as unkind, but inhuman. VVe trust our Children, [Page 34] our Friends, our Servants, nay often Strangers, and shall we refuse to trust our second Selves? VVe trust a VVife with our Life, our Content, and wha [...] is most, our Honour, and shall we refuse to trust her with our Estates? I [...] is an absurd Abuse to make a Settlement on the VVife for Cloaths, for idle Expences, to make her Presents to Limit her to an Allowance; and ye [...] all this passes with the Ignorant for Kindness. These Methods are prope [...] for a Mistress, who may be turn'd of at pleasure, and therefore must only be fed, and not enrich'd. A VVife should have all at Command, she should be under no confinement, al [...] the Husband has, should be her's with­out reserve; he has given Himself to her, and he who gives himself re­serves nothing. This must be under­stood of a Prudent VVoman, she must covet nothing above her Fortune and Quality, and he must oppose nothing that is suitable to both. No Restraint is too great for an Extravagant, and no Liberty too much for a discreet VVoman.’

[Page 35]All these Faults are nothing, in com­parison of Lightness, and Immodesty; I dare not speak it out, because I find not a Word decent enough to express it. There is a sort of vain loose, and faithless VVomen, that are led away by every VVind that blows, and this is the greatest of all other Evils. I will not Discourse of it, for it is needless to assign any Remedy in that case. Let every Man's Honour and Conscience be his Counseller, under these Unhappy Circumstances. An Ingenious Man very VVittily determined this Point in few words thus: Let the Husband take all things from his Wife, but wrongs of Honour; and the Wife Marriage, Wrongs and all: Yet I must observe, it is of dan­gerous consequence to allow of that Pretence of their's, That there is no harm in VVit and Gallantry. This is a Practice brought up to Disguise Leudness, and no way Justifiable. It is usual to make way with a Gimlet, before we drive a Nail; no Vice takes possession on the Soul all at once. That Insect which in Brasil causes Sickness, may serve as an Example to all the VVorld. It enters invisibly, is at first [Page 36] but a Pastime, grows troublesom, passes to be a Disease, and may prove dangerous. A VVomans Honour may be compared to Arithmetick; it is as bad to be out in one as in a Thou­sand. Let Honest VVomen Ballance their Accounts, and they will find this a sure Reckoning.

‘Custom in Spain, and some other Countries, has made it safe for a Man to Kill his VVife, if she is false to him; the Law is not positive for it, but the Practice is frequent, and tolerated. The Law of God does not allow it, yet we find the Levitical ordains a VVoman Convicted of Adultery to be Ston'd to Death by the People. The Husband is not here allow'd to be Judge and Executioner in his own Cause, but yet Death we see is the Punishment of that Crime. If the Law of the Land did allow it, I be­lieve it were no Offence then before God, for the Husband to be the Exe­cutioner; for since God adjudged the Crime to deserve Death, it is doubtless indifferent who Executes the Sentence. If this power were Invested in the Husband, the terror [Page 37] of it would prevent much scandalous lewdness, which now Triumphs barefac'd. No Advice can be given to a Man under this most Unhappy Circumstance. He must summon all his Discretion, and all his Resolu­tion, he must Steer steadily between Honour and Conscience, and let them both direct his Actions. That most pernicious Liberty, Women pretend to of Wit, and Rallery; ought by all Men of Sence to be carefully cut off, as infamous and abominable. It is either a Disguise, or Introduction to Lewdness, and Debauchery. The Woman that haunts the Doors of Chocolate-Houses in a Hackney-Coach, to be thought a Wit, that sits with a Mask in the Pit to rally the Beau's, that Laughs and Talks loud in the Boxes, and Disguises her self to be Pick'd up in the Galleries, if she is not already lost, is a Riding Post on the High-way to Perdition. The Husband who knows (and unless he will, he cannot be Ignorant) and bears with this, deserves all the Plagues and Miseries that follow an Infamous and Lewd Wife. If kindness and fair [Page 38] means will not prevail to reclaim a Woman before this becomes habitual, there is no rigour or severity so great, but is yet too little to correct and keep her under.’

It will not be proper to pass by some, who value themselves on their Beauty: It is no crime in a Woman to be sensi­ble of her worth; I have often com­mended it: It is as requisite we should understand what we possess that is good; as what there is ill in us; that we may preserve the former, and correct and put a stop to the latter. Beauty should be used like Quality; every Body may rejoyce they have it, but need not make it their Business to proclaim it. It is a madness for a Man to draw his Sword upon every trifle. The Husband whose Wife is infected with this sort of vain Glory, must ob­serve he deals in a dangerous Commo­dity; for this Female-Ware is contrary to all other Merchandise, and the more it is coveted, is the less to be valu­ed: Therefore some have doubted, whether Beauty were given as a Re­ward or Punishment.

[Page 39]We are got out of this intricate La­byrinth, and have overcome the dan­gers that surround it. All these are to be met with in the VVorld, but a pru­dent Man will still be safe. VVe see in Sea-charts the Sands Seamen are to shun, are as carefully set down, as the Ports they are to Anchor in. Having showed some Shadows of the Perils and Inconveniences caused by the Im­perfections of VVomen, I have as good as discovered the Satisfaction and Hap­piness that attends a good one: And indeed that Blessing is so great, it is not to be expressed. All Praises are too little for a Virtuous VVoman, and therefore the Husband ought to treat her as a Heavenly Gift. I will briefly touch some Rules that must be, not on­ly learned, but well practised, in order to preserve your Honour, and your VVife, on which that has so much de­pendance. It is not enough to plant Myrtle in a Garden to adorn it, and that it may form pleasing and delight­ful Figures; the small Boughs must be twisted, and the irreguler Branches cut, and all will not do, unless the Gard­ner be continually Trimming and Or­dering [Page 40] of it, for it sprouts and grows out of form.

The Custom of taking of some Ser­vants for the Master, and others for the Mistress, ought to be carefully avoid­ed. VVedlock is the Union of two why then should they divide them­selves: It is easier to give this Advice, than perswade the Practice of it, there­fore I would not quite pass by, nor will I insist upon it.

It is now look'd upon as Grandeur, to have seperate Lodgings and Apart­ments, some Marry'd People observe this State as long as they Live, and some Husbands abstain from their own VVives, more than from those of their Neighbours. In this case, let us con­sult the VValls of the most Ancient Buildings, and they will inform us what the Custom was then. VVe shall see that the House which then contained a great Lord, is now too lit­tle for an overgrown Yeoman. I am not so fond of Antiquity, as rashly to cry up all that was then in use, but I highly approve of the plain Way of Living, not of formality and reserved­ness. All the Rooms, all the Apart­ments [Page 41] ought to be in common be­tween Man and VVife; the contrary is a very dangerous abuse.

To allow of Favourites or Confidents in a House, who think their Duty is confin'd to the Mistress, that they are oblig'd only to keep her Secrets, to serve and please her alone, that from her they must expect their Reward, and only fear her Displeasure, is an oversight which may prove of very dangerous consequence. Great Men us'd to say, the more Servants the more Enemies; and it is a saying of the Holy Scripture. There is also a sort of Hangers on, which are, and are not Servants, and these are the worst, and most pernicious of Houshold Ene­mies. Custom, or rather the Devil has brought up a kind of little privi­ledged Pages. The use of them is by no means to be tolerated, they have continually access to their Lady upon all occasions, they are subtle and craf­ty, and under the shadow of favour, grow wicked and designing. The Pages ought all to belong to the Ma­ster; such as are modest, and have good Education, may wait upon the Lady, [Page 42] and it will be convenient to change them: Experience teaches this Method to be safer than the contrary, and there­fore there needs no other perswasion to back it, every one will follow that course he finds most convenient. Pages are to be kept at a distance, seldom ad­mitted, and only into such Rooms as are common to all Servants, because if they are little, they carry Messages to the Maid Servants, and Solicit for others, I will not give a courser Name; if great, they plead their own cause, and either may redound to the disho­nour of the Family.

The Old Duke of Alva seeing an overgrown Page going into the Wo­mens Apartment, he call'd him and said, Go bid the Steward either Geld you, or secure your Escape; he meant if he were not Gelt, he must fly, or his Life would be in danger for that familiarity with the Women.

A Misfortune happened in a Ladies House, and it fell out so unseasonably, that they were forc'd to send for the Midwife for one of her Servants late at Night, the Messenger cry'd out loud in the Street, as he thought, the more to [Page 43] palliate the thing, Mistress Midwife make hast to such a Ladies House, for one of her Governants is in Labour. Ob­serve, what a Proclamation to be made in a Street. Who could be so much blamed for the dishonour of that House, as the Master of it? When a Heath takes Fire, they sweep the ways that be between the Bushes, that no Straw, Stubble or Shrub may convey the Fire across. These Straws, Shrubs and Twigs often raise great Conflagrations. Let the House be always clean, and well swept, it is not only cleanliness, but a great ease.

I must speak of Female Servants, and would be glad to whisper, if Writing could be raised higher, and sunk lower as the Voice can: As to the Number, every one must proportion it to his Quality, and have a care of exceeding his Fortune. The Custom of other Countries in this particular, is to be preferred before that of Spain, there Ladies of great Quality do not keep above 2 or 3 Maids about them. I had as good here as elsewhere, whilst I think of it, tell you a witty Saying I heard from a famous Preacher? it is this, He [Page 44] who spends less than he has is a Wise Man, he who spends what he has is a Christian, and he who spends more than he has is a Thief. In a well Go­vern'd Family, there should be no Ex­cess in any particular; and if there must be a Want, let it be of that which is least visible, such as Maid Servants, for they ought to be least seen in the House, but not the most unfit for sight. If it were only to prevent the trouble they are to a Family, we should endea­vour to have as few of them as may be. It is not convenient the Lady have any particular Favourite, they must be all equal in her esteem, still with respect to their degree. All must love her, she be kind to all, they all be Servants, she Mistress of them all; let her not be­come a Friend, or Companion to any.

I must needs tell you a Story, I re­late, but do not force it upon you. A great Man, very Wise and politick told me, That as soon as his Wife began to favour one Maid more than another, if Young, he made Love to her, till the good Lady growing Jealous, turn'd her off, or at least did no longer favour [Page 45] her; if old, he Bought her with Money and Gifts, and then the Lady being suspicious could not endure her. This distracted the VVife, and pleased the Husband, so that she perceiving it at [...]ength, never gave more Countenance [...]o one than the rest. I look upon this is too far stretch'd a Contrivance, but he was very proud of it. This is by way of a Story, not Advice. Since we are about it, what more occurrs rela­ [...]ing to VVomen-Servants, shall not be omitted; if I seem tedious, consider I [...]nsist the more upon this Point, as be­ [...]ng that on which the Honour and Peace of Marry'd People has a great depen­dance. VVomen, that like the River Nile, have their Origin unknown, and [...]t cannot be found whence they come, are as much to be avoided as the Cro­codils that River breeds. There are some that affect Greatness, others that boast of their high Kindred: Pray God [...]t be not by Affinity: many that give out they are Bastard Daughters to Noble-Men, which (if such) being ill Bred by their Mothers, are unfit to make good Servants; some who pretend to be parted from their Husbands, others [Page 46] whose Husbands have been gone many Years ago for India, none of these sorts are safe, and perhaps nothing they say true. These VVomen are commonly VVits, understand Musick Act and Mimick what they see, bring up new Fashions, are great Embroi­derers, fine Semstresses, and with such like Charms bewitch their Ladies; who not reflecting upon the hidden Danger are easily drawn into their Snare; they are cherished and esteemed, and then lift themselves above their Fellow Servants; thus the House is put into confusion, and yet this perhaps is but the least part of the harm. They re­late strange Intrigues to their Ladies, often show them how to overcome Dif­ficulties, and bring Examples of such cases; in fine, they are like the Itch of Honour, which being a base and loath­som Distemper, is yet by some counted pleasant, and does a delightful harm to the Person it has taken possession of. It is worth Consideration, whe­ther it is convenient to be served by Persons of great Abilities and Parts; if of known Probity, it were not amiss. Yet we see the greatest danger is in [Page 47] them; for Fortune is always at vari­ance with Nature; whom one favours, the other always slights. A Friend of mine very well expresses this; writing That Musick, Poetry, Valour and Love are the four sides of Folly, not but each of them is commendable: but, because these and the like good Parts are the Lot of Per­sons, in other respects inconsiderable, and of weak and slender Judgments. When the VVife signifies a desire of entertaining such Persons in her Ser­vice, the Husband may obstruct it with Courtesy and Kindness, so that he ra­ther seem to divert, than oppose it. He may tell, her Laces are to be had at the Exchange; they who make the Dres­ses, have the newest Fashions, and all things are bought cheaper than made; for nothing is good or cheap, that is purchased with uneasiness and discon­tent.

The best sort of Servants are the Daughters of those that have served in the Family, of whose Affection and Fi­delity, Proofs have been given; the Children of Tenants, or Neighbours, people that have been long known; all of that Rank of people that are not, nor [Page 48] ought to be ashamed to serve, and by whom the Mistress may without Re­gret or Vanity, expect to be attended.

There are certain VVomen in the VVorld that are taken in as Guests, to keep them from harm. I will never encourage Entertaining of them. Many Ladies are proud to protect such VVo­men in their Houses. I would not be against doing Good, but it is an undis­creet Charity, to take burning Coals out of the Fire that they may not be consumed, and put them into ones Bo­som to burn it. This is not so general a Rule, but the Husband as he finds oc­casion, may dispence with it.

In our days, contrary to the antient Practice, it is grown a Custom, for the VVomen-Servants to be as well Cloath­ed as their Mistresses. They use Policy, perswading their poor Ladies (whom thereby they make poorer) that it is for their Credit their Attendance should be as well Apparrelled as themselves, and bring Examples of others of less Quali­ty, whose Maids are better Cloathed. Thus it often happens, the Mistress is not known from the Maid; and the Mis­take is much more excusable, than that [Page 49] they say was made by a Tenant of a No­bleman, who was very Young and new­ly Marryed. The Tenants coming in­to the room where the Bride and Bride­groom lay, and perceiving no difference between them, the Hair of both being Plaited, and neither having any Beard, he innocently asked, Which of the two was the Bridegroom? for to him he would deliver his Message: With how much more reason might more judicious Per­sons now a-days, seeing Mistresses and Servants in the same Dress, ask, Which was the Lady? The least inconveniency this Custom brings, is the excessive Charge, which yet is such, that if we consider the care and trouble some Ma­sters go through, to support the Vanity of their Servants, the Slavery of the former is much greater in providing for the latter, than theirs in serving the others.

Experience teaches us, of how ill consequence this Extravagancy in Ser­vants Apparel, generally is: they see­ing themselves so Gay, grow Proud, and endeavour to improve the opportu­nity to make their Fortunes, and strive­ing by those means to better themselves, [Page 50] often run into ruin: it is the Husband's business, to appoint what rate the Apparel of each must bear; Women must be allowed all Neatness and Decency but not all manner of Gaudiness; every Servant must be Cloathed according to her Place.

Let them not be permitted to enter­tain Gallants, or encourage Courtship [...] this is but used of late years, and very needless: That Allowance can only be tolerated in Palaces, where Dread and Reverence suppress Malice, which even there often breaks loose and violates the Immunity of the Place. Great care is to be had, what Kindred of both Sexes follow them; Cosins and Bro­thers-in-law, unless very well known, may speak with them at a distance, and if they converse not at all, it is so much the better. It is a Disease, to suffer Maids to go to their Sisters or Aunts to be cured: there is Danger, in permit­ting them much to ramble Abroad, tho' with an Old Governant to overlook them. Too much Friendship among them is dangerous, much Whispering and Secrets are suspitious: they are not to be suffered to call one another by [Page 51] Nick-names of their own framing, as Husband, Granny, Gossip, or my Love, my Dear, and the like; for this, tho' of it self it be not bad, is in my opinion, only a Practice like playing with Foils, that they may become expert to do Mischief.

Yet would I not give the Advice to Masters, that Machiavel does to Princes, That they sow Discord among their Ser­vants; that so every one being false to his Fellow, they may be all true to the Master. A Marryed Man must be vigilant, but must not expect to obtain Unity by evil means, that is only found (if any where) in a peaceable and well-governed House. I do not pretend to immure, or wholly shut up these Women, nor refuse them what is fit and decent; I only hint where the Danger lyes, that by the care of the Master, the Mistress and Servants may escape it. Above all things, the Master must endeavour to be belov'd by the VVomen-Servants, and to this purpose is to treat them with all imaginable Kindness; and if he finds their Mistress wrong them, he must appease and rectify all. Let him not appear more zealous for any one in [Page 52] particular, but carry an even hand with all. Liberality is of great force to attain this end, giving them sometimes what they don t expect from him.

As it is requisite for the preservation of our Health, that there be a harmoni­ous Agreement between the Head and other Members of the Body, so there must be Concord and Unity between the Master of a House and his Family, to live with Pleasure and Satisfaction. VVomen are the most subject to raise Discontent, and cause a Disturbance; therefore it is requisite, to carry it very fair and even with them, lest they be­ing discomposed, infect and poison the Happiness of the House.

Now, Sir, as a Reward for the Dan­ger I have exposed my self to, in discour­sing with such freedom, I desire you will read and keep to your self this advice: for altho' my present conditi­on seccures me from their Indignation, yet the memory of Past-Suffering makes me still dread and stand in awe of them.

Part of what I have said in relation to the VVomen, may be applyed to the Men-Servants. The first Point I will touch concerning them, is, that no one [Page 53] of them be so distinguished from the rest, that it may afford any ground of Suspition to the Mistress. This often happens when Favour is indiscreetly placed on any one; for VVomen are apt to suspect those Servants are em­ployed by their Masters in scandalous Affairs; and they chiefly disaffect those that are of old standing, as believing them the Managers of their Youthful Extravagancies: if this happen, let the Husband convince his VVife, that ra­ther than she shall be dissatisfied, he cannot only exclude that Servant his Favour, but banish him his House; and if requisite, let him do it: for in this case, the supporting such a Servant, is a confirmation of the VVives Jealousy. I dare answer, a kind Woman that loves her Husband, will be satisfied to know it is in her power to be rid of that Eye-sore, since the disposal of it is left to her. Women are often like Colts, that go better when you give them their Head, and they think themselves at liberty, than when they are Curbed, and under Restraint.

Passion and Roughness is not a cure for Women; they are to be treated [Page 54] with Meekness and Civility. If any Artifice were allowable between Mar­ried People, I should think it a good Rule to make a Woman believe, she cou'd do any thing with her Husband, and yet in reality, she should have no farther power over him, than to obtain things reasonable. A VVoman of sense is to know, she is obliged to honour whom her Husband honours; and an honest Man, that he is to encourage none to disrespect his VVife.

It cannot be deny'd a Master, to have more kindness for one or more Servants than for the rest, according as each has merited by his Service. Take this as a general Rule in this case, that no body is surprized to see a Servant that has de­served well, in Favour; but all the VVorld is mistrustful, when they see a known unworthy Servant preferred. This extends to Men of Quality, Noble-men and Princes.

Tho' all Men ought to be cautious in choosing Servants, yet Married-men particularly. Those who value them­selves on their Courage, are turbulent; such as are Musicians, are restless; those that are Amorous, unfaithful; those [Page 55] who set up for Beau's, impertinent. The best are Men well born and well-bred, and who have a sense of Honour; these are their best Qualifications. Let the number be suitable to the Estate, as has been said of the VVomen. The House of a discreet Man must be always kept at a stand: yet this equality may be dispensed with upon some occasions. Weddings, the Birth of Children, Pre­ferment, and publick Rejoycings, re­quire some increase of Family, which is needless to be continued when that time is past; and it would look ill to pass-by such times, without making some exterior Demonstration; for the VVorld will not judge that Frugality to proceed from Prudence, but Avarice.

I remember a Court-Passage to this purpose: I happened to be at Court when a King sent an Embassy to the Emperor; the Person appointed was of great prudence; he added nothing to his former Retinue. The Ministers looked upon this Frugality as a Crime: and because the King had ordered this Affair whilst he was Sick, some unlucky people said, His Majesty sent that Am­bassador on his behalf in that nature, be­cause [Page 56] he had vowed, if he recovered his Health, he would go barefoot to a certain place of Devotion in Germany.

What is said of the Number, may have some relation to the Entertain­ment of Servants. Their Diet must al­ways be plentiful; nothing so much ob­liges People that aim not high, as good Feeding, which is a Satisfaction, or Misery they go through twice a day: as to the Cloaths, they (as has been said) may be better or worse, accord­ing to the time and occasions that offer. But to be more plain in this case, I look upon it as the wiser course, to Cloath and keep a Table for the Batchellors, then they are fed and clean: if they have Money, they play or spend it la­vishly, and then starve. This is the danger of those that are come to Years of Maturity; for those that are young, hear what a Courtier of Quality used to say, That his Pages were never with­out the Itch, till he brought them to lye with his Wifes old Governants. One in­stance more: A Prelate of a very strict Religious Order told me, He al­ways kept his Fryers hungry, that they might still be thinking how to feed better. [Page 57] The contrary must be used with Ser­vants, for their Thoughts are not so bad when their Bellies are full.

Having setled the Marryed man's Family and Retinue, let us say some­thing of the Wife, and then will give further Directions in all other Affairs. My intention (as has been already said) is not to give Advice how to choose a Wife; these Remarks are for one alrea­dy Marryed, and that has made a good Choice.

It has been often asked, Whether it is convenient to make use of those good Parts nature has endowed her with, as Singing, Dancing, composing Verses, and other the like Accomplishments to be found in some Women, and which more might have share in, were they not modestly suppressed? This Que­stion asked of me, would put me to a stand, because it looks like Malice and Impiety, to hide, and in a manner de­stroy those Perfections God has bestow­ed on another; and yet it is almost im­possible to restrain the use of them, within the bounds of Prudence and De­cency.

The Princess de la Roche Suryon in [Page 58] France, who was a most discreet Wo­man, and unhappy in a Husband, used to say to this purpose: That of the Three Faculties of the Soul, which she had when she Marryed, her Husband had taken Two, and left her but One, which she would wil­lingly give him; for that She neither had Will nor Ʋnderstanding, and only retain­ed the Memory that She had once possessed them, which served only the more to grieve her for the loss.

To be too well Accomplished in some Women, is a thing of dangerous conse­quence; because it carries its own Re­commendation, needs no Helps, and Prudence failing in the use of it; what seems a Blessing, turns to a Misfortune.

It is very commendable for a Woman to Sing to her Husband and Children, and it may be permitted her to Dance, if very young, in her own Apartment: I cannot approve of carrying Castanets in her Pocket, learning wild Catches, and dancing Jiggs; these are all incen­tives of Lewdness. To Rally, and set up for a Wit in every Company, at Church, at Court, at the Play, is most pernicious, and hard to prevent; for no body repents of that which gains Ap­plause, [Page 59] be the means good or bad. Let the Husband keep a watchful Eye; and if he reclaims her, it is a great Work: for as yet, I never saw any that was sick of that Distemper, recover.

‘How disagreeable will this Doctrine sound to many of our Ladies, and yet how highly commendable it is? I have spoke, tho' little, more than will be grateful to many, in relation to their Wit, and will not therefore far­ther incur their Displeasure on that account. One word as to Dancing and Singing: For the first, I believe all the Devils in Hell held a Council to invent it; for doubtless, never any thing turned more to their Account, or was more destructive to Human Kind. More Designs have been set a foot, more Intrigues carryed on, and more Women debauched by Dancing, than by all the other contrivances of Lewdness yet found out: the very invention of Balls had no other end, but compassing of Women, otherwise not to be attained; the Invention has been improved, and seems now to be at the height. Dancing-Schools are, and have always been accounted by [Page 60] the wiser sort, no better than Semina­ries of Vice, to insnare young inno­cent Women, and support experien­ced Sinners. In fine, Dancing is rec­koned the grand Accomplishment, and in reality, it is the grand Introduction to Lewdness; it is called an Ornament of Carriage, and is a depravation of Manners; it is esteemed a Perfection, and is the most noted Rock for Ship-wrack'd Vertue. I am not insensible, I draw upon my self the Indignation of the Beau's, not because they believe this opinion false, but because if re­ceived, it would cut them off the great Advantages they make by this Exer­cise, towards debauching Young Wo­men: I incur the Displeasure of those Ladies, who think all things good and lawful, that are for Delight. But above all, the Dancing-Masters Anger will (with most reason) be provoked, by exposing what is their Maintenance. None of them need be offended; they will be no losers by wholsom Do­ctrine: for the World is too wicked ever to be reclaimed. Singing is a Hea­venly Perfection, if a Woman has dis­cretion to know, when to use and when [Page 61] to forbear it: it is always commen­dable for her, to divert her self, to please her Husband, to be sociable a­mong other Women; but to be heard to Sing in the company of Men, with­out an express Command of her Hus­band, is not only vain, foolish, and un­decent, but savours much of Impu­dence: A Wife that Sings to other Men besides her Husband, desires to be admired; if admired, she would be beloved; and she who desires to be beloved, has no love for her Honour. The Husband, who delights to have his Wife Sing among other Men, takes a pleasure she should be admired, and consequently merits all the ill Conse­quences that are likely to follow. There are Times and Persons exempt from the severity of these Rules; a prudent Man well knows how to dis­cover them, and what is said to pre­vent Excess, must not be understood wholly to debar a modest and decent Liberty.’

We are now come to the confusion of the Customs of the Court. I am in great fear, least I should begin not to know what I say, if that be not done already. [Page 62] What limitation can be ascribed to Col­lations, Play, taking the Air, Compa­ny, Gossips and Friends? I wish I could see some Rule or Bounds to these things, whoever it were that assigned it.

There are some things in themselves indifferent, that are made good or bad only by custom; others in themselves bad, tho' never so much used, can ne­ver be made good; and others that be­ing bad, at length by custom become tolerable. Sir, I wish you could guess at these things, without obliging me to to declare them; but I will do it by ve­ry obvious Examples. Fashions in Cloaths, I look upon as things indiffe­rent; when Fardingals were wore, they were thought good and decent; since left off, they are become absurd and ridiculous. I have a Book writ by Alonso Caranca, against Men wearing their Hair long, and another composed by Pedro Mexia, which does not cease exclaiming against its being wore short. This is the effect of Custom; for when the one of these lived, it was the Fashi­on to wear long Hair, and the short was thought scandalous and unbecoming; [Page 63] and in the time of the other, short Hair was used, and to let it grow out, looked preposterous. These are the things, which being in themselves indifferent, are by custom made good or bad.

In the Low-Countries, and Germany, (we may add England,) it is an Act of Freedom, Friendship and good Nature, to drink till they lose their Senses. Here Custom cannot justify, or make good what of it self is a Vice, and naturally bad.

Formerly any thing eaten above once a day, broke Fast; Custom has intro­duced eating Collations, and it is al­lowed good and lawful. This, and ma­ny such Practices, brought up only by custom, became allowable, and are not accounted vicious.

Behold here the power of Custom! Let us allow Women their Fashions, their Visits, their Walks, and the like; things, tho' not good in themselves, now authoriz'd by Custom: but I must be bold to tell you, and all the World, That extravagant Play, disorderly Feasting, late Hours, too much haunt­ing Company, especially such as is not creditable, are the things which no Cu­stom, [Page 64] can justify, or make tolerable. Where the Husband finds these Evils growing, let him put a stop to them in time, before they take Root; they ge­nerally spring from Idleness, and vain Desire: let him therefore remove Idle­ness, by employing her in the care of the Family, and change the Desire for another of more Honour and Advan­tage, as the desire of living peaceably and contentedly with her Husband, as­suring Her, that cannot be whilst She follows those Courses.

A Person of great Quality speaking in the behalf of a Servant in disgrace, to his Prince, in my hearing, he said, Let him continue in Disgrace; for before I excluded him my Favour, I courted him to take me into the number of these Friends for whom he forsook me, and he would ever leave me to stick to his Friends. In the same nature, a Husband may court his Wife; and if he cannot prevail, she de­serves the same Punishment.

It is a very hard Case, that the Mi­stress of a House should love every thing but her House, as appears by those who are never in it, or when they are, it is only to help to ruine it. I said, it [Page 65] was convenient to employ the Wife in the Government of the Family; it is good and convenient, not only in order to keep her out of Idleness, but to ease the Husband of that Burden: those trivial Affairs are not fit to employ a Man's Thoughts, and they are proper for a Woman. You would laugh to see an Elephant carry a grain of Wheat in his Trunk, and you admire to see a poor Ant drag it along: therefore our Proverb wisely says, The Husband in the Market, the Wife at home. Those Husbands who will pry into every thing, are as much to blame, as they who will look to nothing.

In fine, it is convenient the Wife have the care of ordinary Houshold Expen­ces, to please, to employ, to let her see, she is intrusted, to busy her with those Thoughts, and divert her from others: if she does it well, what greater Hap­piness! the Husband may reckon, he has found a Servant as good and as true as himself, who serves him for nothing: if she does it not so well, the Evil is to­lerable. How much better is it, the Wife should waste something, than a Servant? if she does amiss, 'tis against [Page 66] her will, or at least with some Fear and Shame; and perhaps the Servant will do ill wilfully, and without any regret. The Houses of the common sort, are generally best managed, because they follow this Rule; the one brings, the other saves.

I am of opinion, Money should be delivered by small Parcels to a Woman, towards the daily Expence: not to keep them miserably, but because ma­ny of them (when they have much) spend profusely. The Husband may let her know, he is but as it were, her Cash-keeper, that she may have re­course to him, as freely as she would to her Drawers; let him not only say so, but make it good by his Actions. He may praise her Management, and admire her Frugality. A good Taylor shews his Art in little Cloath, and a good Coachman in narrow Streets. I dare undertake, if the Woman affects Praise, the Expence will be less the next Month.

To save the Disgust of calling her to an Account, let him tell her what he spends; and this confidence he puts in her, will oblige her to do the same. [Page 67] These Accounts between Married Peo­ple, are never to be strictly Ballanced; it is enough the Wife owns her self ac­countable: the consequence will be, that a VVoman never thinks her self absolute Mistress of what she possesses; She must spend with fear, and keep with fear, but never be deprived of what she saves, and will then be as thankful for what is not taken from her, as what is given her.

It is a Custom now (especially a­mong the great ones) to settle the Wifes Allowance in the Articles of Marriage. I would advise those that have promised, to perform it; and such as have not, never to promise it. Mar­rying an Heiress, breeds much incon­veniency in this particular; for Heir­esses pretend to be Mistresses of their own, and to have more Power over it than their Husbands: when a VVife pretends to this, she must be informed, that he who is Master of her Person and Life, is so also of her Estate. Who is there that gives a Diamond Ring in a little Box, but gives the Box with it?

‘The Rigour our Author mentions, in trusting the VVife with Money, must [Page 68] be understood, where VVomen are not found capable of manging much, and are lavish of it: For he is unwor­thy of a good and prudent Woman, who having such a one, does not en­trust her with All, and make her as absolute in the Disposal of it, as him­self. But I have before touched this Point, and will only add, That a pru­dent and vertuous Wife ought to pos­sess entirely the Heart, and the very Soul of her Husband, and consequent­ly cannot be debarred the command of his Fortune; all he can give, is still less than she deserves.’

It is needless to say much about her Cloathing; let her Cloaths be suitable to her Age, and change Apparel as she rises in Years: In this, particular re­gard must be had to Children, Health, the Presence or Absence of the Hus­band, as also his Age. If any Rule can be ascribed, I am of opinion, that till she has bore three Children, or is Five and twenty years of Age, all Gaity may be allowed; but even within that time, it may rise and fall: for the very Or­naments of Churches are changed, and sometimes they are put into Mourning. [Page 69] I abhor certain Gay Things always trimmed up, and set out with Embroi­deries, and Jewels that look like Queens of May, or Queens on a Stage. If a VVoman is Beautiful, let her have some confidence in her Beauty, without the continual addition of borrowed Charms; if she is Ugly, let Modesty restrain her.

A witty Husband that had one of these Gaudy Wives, used to say, That when he saw her in that Dress, it rather stirred him up to Devotion than Love; because she seemed not to him as a Lady well cloathed, but as some religious Image adorned.

Others are made up of nothing but everlasting Polvilloes, Sweet Pouder, Amber, and all manner of Perfume: Smells and they are much alike; Wo­men and Perfumes are all Smoak. Were these Sweets compounded with some grains of Discretion, there is no doubt they would be much more plea­sing. I confess, I always loved Neat­ness in the House and about the Person, but so, that what should be Decency be not turned into Foppery. I remem­ber, I have read and heard of the Empe­ror [Page 70] Ferdinand II. Father to him now Reigning (if he can be said to Reign,) That he would not lye in a certain Room, because it was Perfumed: If it was an Antipathy, the thing was excusable; if only Fancy, it was very impertinent. Some are of opinion, it proceeded from Zeal; for that Ferdinand believed, Per­fumes were only due to God. It is al­so said of our King Sebastian, That he was not at all fond of Perfumes: I know not how this comes to pass, for having always heard, Things that are Excel­lent, called Royal, are fit for a King. I thought all good Things were Royal, that is, grateful and acceptable to Kings; but Experience teaches us, this Rule is not infallible; yet it is a certain sign of a good Inclination, to affect all things that are good. I know not whether so much Logick be applicable to Womens Perfumes; let it suffice, if the use of them is no Vertue, that at least it is no Vice.

As to Sweet-meats and Preserves; these things being useful for weak Sto­machs, for the Sick, and for Ostenta­tion, they ought to be allowed, yet so, that the Expence made in them be not [Page 71] wanting for more necessary uses. It is very convenient VVomen be allowed to please themselves with Curiosities of their own making, that they take Pride in the VVorks of their Hands; for being taken up with those Houshold Affairs, their Thoughts are well im­ployed, and it is commendable.

The Furniture and Ornaments of the House, may be also included under this Head; it being an excellent Employ­ment for a VVoman, to busy her self about them, and commendable in the Husband to encourage her. These things are serviceable, diverting, credi­table, and are a Treasure for the Chil­dren; and very often there is more got by them, than by sending Ventures to India; for there is no old rich Tapistry or Turky Carpet, but is of great Autho­rity, to make the VVorld believe, there are Portions in that House of many Thousands of Crowns.

Receiving and paying of Visits, is a tiresom Encumbrance. I have before touched this Point, but not to content; much might be said, but all is not fit to be committed to Writing. I cannot forbear telling, what a Man of sence [Page 72] (who had none of the best Wives) said to me; after making many Complaints against his Wife, he concluded with these words; Yet after all, what most troubles me, is, that She is so well beloved. And in truth, too many Friends are ve­ry troublesom; for all Friends are not such as they ought to be. What for­merly was usual, as giving a Glass of Wine, became a Collation, from a Col­lation it rose to a Feast, and now I know not what Name to give it. I cannot understand what Friendship there is in ruining one another, destroying their Families with needless Expences, and tormenting their Husbands with con­tinual begging what cannot and ought not to be granted: if this Profuseness tends to express Love, that Friendship is base which is grounded on Prodiga­lity; if to shew Grandeur, that is a needless demonstration among Friends.

A Gentleman fell Sick with Grief and Concern, to see himself loaded with Debts, through the Excess of his Wives Seedless Expences; he being in a high Fever, and seeing a Dish of Preserved Citrons which his VVife used to treat with, tho' very dear; the poor Sick Man [Page 73] said, Give me that Citron, for I will eat it all. His VVife begged he would not eat it, because Citron adds Fire to a Fe­ver; and he answered, I know it is the Fire that consumes me; but I would try whether Citron have the same property as a mad Dog, whose Hair applyed to the Sore made by his Teeth, is a certain Cure. One of his Servants was no less witty; for being asked by a Gentleman, Whether he might see his Master? He Answer­ed, My Master is not in a condition to be seen, for my Mistress and her Company are eating him for a Collation.

Let the Husband now and then, give his VVife some wholsom Advice; warn her, neither at home nor abroad, ever to jest upon, or nick-name any bo­dy; Women so nick-named, if the sence be good, are proud of it; if bad, will make a return; and Men will com­plain, or seek to return Thanks. That she make no Reflections on the Actions of others, Whether such a Man has a Kindness, or Courts such a Lady! it looks ill in a Lady, (who ought only to think of her self and Family,) to con­cern her self with the Thoughts of others. That she neither much praise [Page 74] nor discommend any Man. This so different effect generally in Women, springs from the same Cause. I always drew the same conclusion from Womens speaking very ill, or very well of any Man; and the worst is, I was never de­ceived. VVomens Discourse ought to be about their Work, the Season of the VVeather, Complaints of their Maids; and I will allow them to com­plain of their Husbands Unkindness, even tho' it be false. Because these are narrow Limits, they may be permitted to praise or condemn the Fashion of of their Cloaths, to like or dislike the Fancy, so they do not extend to inter­preting of Colours.

‘This in part, is too severe a Restraint to be put upon our English Ladies, and even not fair or honourable, in one Point. The Portuguese Women being confined, and bred in Ignorance, may suit with it; but ours, used to a great­er Freedom, and brought up to more Understanding, ought not to be deny­ed the use of that Judgment their Edu­cation has given them. Their Dis­course must be free with Modesty and Respect to decency, no Reflections on [Page 75] any body, no prying into others Lives, no censuring of Actions, no extolling of particular Men, no railing at their own Sex, not too much of Learning, not over much Godliness; all these things are equally Scandalous and Dangerous. The World is wide e­nough, to supply them with Matter in­offensive, and all that a Woman un­derstands, and is not against Modesty and good Manners, may as justly be the Subject of her Entertainment, as of the most Learned Man. That Point allowed by our Author, which I men­tion as not honourable, is the allow­ance he gives a Wife to complain of her Husband's Unkindness, even tho' she accuse him wrongfully. A Ver­tuous Wifes Complaints, tho' never so just, ought never to be heard but by her Husband; to him alone she ought to make known her Grievances, with Affection and Submission, and from him alone expect Redress. A Father is not (if possible) to hear such Com­plaints, much less to have them made the Town-talk, by putting them into the mouth of every impertinent Visi­tant: But above all, if those Com­plaints [Page 76] be unjust, how much more un­pardonable is the VVife, that exposes the good Name of her Husband, with­out any Fault committed on his side? Any Discourse is more pardonable, than that which is destructive of the Reputation of our Neighbour; how much worse then must it be, that strikes at the Credit of a Husband?’

I come once more to Female Friends, and cannot but observe, That the name of Friends and Enemies in Portuguese, differs but in one Letter; the one being called Amigas, the other Imigas: I am so wicked to believe, VVomens Friends have done them more harm than their Enemies. Therefore I commonly say, Men are ruined by their Enemies, and VVomen by their Friends.

It is proper, reasonable and good, to go to Court, but it must be very sel­dom, as upon the Birth of Princes, Marriages, Festivals, Sickness of Prin­ces, their Recovery, upon occasion of Happy News, and the like, and not o­therwise. It is not so becoming to go alone; let the Company be always good, but not of Persons of greater Quality, (unless the first time,) for [Page 77] their Authority takes off from the Re­ception every one expects to find in Courts, and all other places: it often happens VVomen take upon them, pre­tending to be in favour with Queens and Princesses; this produces much Trou­ble, and no Profit: and sometimes they make use of this pretence, to cloak all their loose Actions, (as some Servants who stop their Masters mouths, when they have been idling abroad) by say­ing, They have been at Church. Thus, often good things are made a cloak for the bad. Upon pretence of going to Courr, VVomen grow idle, and the care of the Family is neglected. It is enough for a VVoman of Quality, that the Queen knows her; she will value her the more, for carrying her self with Discretion those few times she sees her: An Express raises the Expectation of all Men; no body takes notice of the common Post. It is dangerous and ex­pensive, for those who are not imployed in the Service of Princes, to aim at their Favour. A Courtier compared the Court that is to be made to Ladies and to Kings, to the use of a Lemon and Orange; the Lemon must be squeezed [Page 78] hard, and it yields the better Juice; the other is to be squeezed but lightly, or else it is bitter. Ladies require much Attendance; Kings need only now and then be seen: therefore one wisely said, That Princes and Fire were best at a distance, because, near they Burn, and at a distance give Light.

Too much preciseness in frequenting the Church, is meerly Formality: there is no doubt, it is good and commenda­ble to go to Church at the usual times, and on proper days; but all things that are good, are not convenient at all times. Let the VVife have reason to believe, she may go always; but let Kindness and Courtesy prevail with her, to forbear sometimes.

A Married Man being asked, Where his Wife went to Church? answered, Wheresoever there is Musick. In Spain, I knew an antient Lady of Quality, VVitty and very Vertuous, who when she got into her Coach, and the Coach-man asked, Whither he must go? used to Answer, Where there is most People.

‘I will not make too bold in this par­ticular, for fear I be judged Prophane, as obstructing Devotion; but that is [Page 79] not my design, only the abuse of it is here meant. That haunting of Churches used in Portugal on Festi­vals, tho' in another nature, is not ill imitated in England. Six of the Clock Morning Prayers and Evening Pray­ers (in Winter) are the Delight of some Ladies; they had rather go a mile on Sunday, to Covent-Garden Church or White-Hall Chappel, than to their Parish, tho' their House join to it: this is a desire to be seen by Men, not by God; his Presence is equally in every Church, but the Company is not the same. The Hus­band of such a Wife has cause to con­sider, Whether of them it is that draws her.’

Well, since I have descended to so many particulars, I will venture a lit­tle farther, it will divert so much seri­ous Reflection. I cannot approve of Trimmed Lap-dogs, that have mystical Names: Being in a Church, a Page came running out of Breath, to ask me, If I had seen such a Ladies Delight, that was lost? And, having asked what the Ladies Delight was, found it was a little Dog of that Name. Parrots and [Page 80] and Monkies are needless Troubles, and often inspire ill Thoughts. Miners by the Grass, and Flowers that grow up­on the Earth, know whether there be a Gold-Mine or not: Exterior Signs discover what is within. I begin to be so impertinent, I shall not leave a Bird. What is the use of Singing Birds, that in Summer begin to whistle with the Day, and are said to divert the Thoughts in the Morning? What bet­ter Employment for a Womans Thought, than the Husband that lyes by her side. Little diverting Blacks, witty Foundlings, silly Country-Fel­lows (who sometimes are not so silly as they appear) cloathed in several Co­lours, who have liberty to go where they please, are not fit, nor would I have them be seen in a House: all these things in my opinion, are Prejudicial, and I should be glad they were removed from the Houses of all my Friends. I protest, I ever loathed the Ladies in Romances, because I always found Lap-dogs, Lions and Dwarfs, about them: so great is my Aversion from that sort of Vermin, that I cannot bear with them in Fabulous Books; think how I shall [Page 81] like them when real. But it is no rea­son my particular Fancy should make a general Rule, let this pass as a caution to any Man, that is of the same depra­ved humour.

The Spaniards highly commend good Houswives, who love home and mind the Affairs of their Family; they ex­tol them so much because they are scarce, and it is hard to find such a Woman among them. However it is said of Queen Margaret, Mother to Philip the Fourth, that she and her Ladies Embroider'd, and Sold their Work, the Profit whereof was given to Nuns. So did the late Queen of Portugal, and her Aunt Queen Cathe­rine, who Enriched Monasteries with their Work, many pieces whereof are yet to be seen.

Margaret de Valois, who was Queen of France and Navar, whose Writings I admire, and whom I look upon as the Wisest Woman of this Age, does not cease to express how much she was pleased to see the Countess de Lalain, being at Table with the Queeen, open her Bosom to give the Breast to a Child she Suckled her self. The Queen high­ly [Page 82] extols that deed of the Countess, and says, she never envyed any Action in Woman, but that.

There are certain Women like Idols, who are good for nothing, or are proud to be thought so, think they were Born only to be Worshipped, and will serve for no other use. I am con­tent they should have but one Employ­ment in their Houses, and that is, that a Woman be Mistress of her House, and perform the Duty of that Office, and if she does it well, she has discharged her Duty to her Husband and Fami­ly.

How will it be taken, if I should find fault with the Manly Amazonian Ladies? Were I sure the Courage of Women would be rightly apply'd, I could bear with it; but that being ve­ry dubious, it is better they should shake at the sight of a naked Sword, and fall into a Swoon at Thunder; God ordained they should be timorous, it is best they should be so. It is happy if they do what they are oblig'd to, let none require more of them.

Well, I am sure I shall disoblige them all, I am loath to say any thing of [Page 83] their Judgment, or prescribe Rules to that by which all other things are to be Govern'd; but since I presum'd to give Laws to Love, which is a more absolute Power, I will not be afraid to give some to the Understanding; I can­not but admire at a Saying of that so much quoted Bishop of ours D. Affonso, which was, The most knowing Woman, only knows how to lay up a Chest of Lin­nen. Nor can I forget Another who said, The most knowing Woman, knows as much as two Women. I am of a dif­ferent Opinion, I have seen and con­versed with some in Spain and other Parts: Therefore I think it necessary to allay and temper with Discretion, that quickness of Apprehension, and readi­ness of Wit wherein they surpass us. No bounds can be assign'd to their Wit, but to the use of it, there may: As if a Razor of excellent Metal were given a Man, to do some Bloody deed, but the Razor not yet finished, or grownd to an Edge; he who kept him from a Stone to grind it upon, would do as much good as if he took the Razor from him. So it is not in our power, to deprive Women of the pure Metal of [Page 84] their Understanding, which Nature has bestow'd on them, but we may take from them the Opportunity of sharpning it to their own danger, and our harm. Let us do the best we can. Let not Women meddle or concern themselves with the Affairs and Busi­ness of Men, because they have Under­standing as well as we, and saying as some do, that the Soul is neither Male nor Female. Yet let the Husband know that this does not exclude a discreet Wife from offering her Sentiments modestly, nor free him from the ob­ligation of asking her Opinion.

Do not think I recant or contradict what I have said before, you will per­ceive it by this comparison. Let the Wife be the Hand, and the Husband the Clock, she point, and he strike. The one shows, the other guides; a Clock thus regular is believed by all, and passes for an Oracle. It is not re­gular only it self, but keeps others in good order. But if once it errs, it mis­leads every Body.

How it pleases me to see a Woman Ignorant of those things, she ought not to know; or at least appear so, [Page 85] though inreality she does know them. I look upon it as a great Perfection when they err in those Affairs, which might bring a Reflection upon them, if rightly managed. Let a Woman Un­derstand what is proper for Women, let her Read and Discourse of such things; and let none but such be of­fered her to Read or Discourse of.

Since my Hand is in, I will go on with my Proverbs. Travelling one day, I heard a grave Carrier (observe, I have slighted the Philosophers, to quote these Authors) but him I heard say, God deliver me from a Mule that Brays, and a Woman that Speaks Latin. The pleasure I receiv'd in hearing this witty Sentence, makes me now re­member it; let us not look upon it as contemptible, if profitable: The case is, that Latin of it self does no harm, but the other little Sparks of Learning that attend it, are of dangerous con­sequence.

Since (as at first I tould you) I am sitting by the Fire, and you hear, I will venture to tell you another Story. An ancient sober Woman went to Con­fession to an Old surly Fryer; she be­ginning [Page 86] to say the Confiteor in Latin, the Confessor asked her, Do you Speak Latin, she reply'd, Father I was Bred in a Monastery: Then said the Fryer, Are you Marry'd, Maid or Widow, she Answer'd, A Marry'd Woman? Where is your Husband, says the Fryer: In India, says she. Then the Old Man wittily reply'd; Hold then Child, you understand Latin, were Bred in a Mona­stery, and your Husband is in India: Then go about your Business, and come some other day, for it is certain you have much to say, and I am in haste at present.

I would not have Women be too knowing in matters of War and Poli­ticks, nor aim at it. I abhor some that will talk of Government, judge of Discourse, decide points of Honour, and raise Disputes. Others that pre­tend to Skill in Poetry, have a Stam­mering of strange Languages, define Love and its Effects, Study hard Que­stions to puzzle the Learned, and talk of unknown places. Others that know all the secret Virtues of Herbs, that tell the signification of colours, that censure Sermons, that pick diffi­cult Sentences out of them, that use [Page 87] cramp Words, that speak by Meta­phors, that have unusual ways of prai­sing, and that keep time to their dis­course with the motions of Hands and Eyes. Away with all this, it looks Counterfeit, and is not tolerable, ei­ther feigned or real. Do not think me censorious, I had rather you should believe me impertinent. But I assure you all I have hinted, is worth obser­ving.

A Lady desired her Brother who was a Man of Sence, to give her some Motto for a Device she design'd to have engrav'd on a Seal, he answer'd, Sister, Leave Divices for the Shields of Knights Errant, and do you devise how to make a Tart for your Husband, when you have one.

‘Not unlike to this, was the Saying of our late Sovereign, King Charles the Second. A Person of much Note for his Writings, tho' of very little for his Learning, telling the King he had Marry'd a Wife that understood Greek, and Hebrew, His Majesty ask'd, Can she make a Pudding? And then added, That is Learning enough for [Page 88] your Wife, it is you ought to understand the Languages.’

To Talk always is bad, to Talk loud is worse, and to Talk in impro­per places worst of all. Some Women value themselves upon answering loud at Church, and will converse with their Acquaintance that are at a di­stance, on purpose to be heard. To sigh at Sermon, to make motions with the Head in token of Approbation, to Pray aloud, to beat time to the Musick, are Actions no way allowable. A dis­creet Woman must speak as much as is requisite, in reason, with a low Voice, so that the Person she directs her dis­course to may hear, and not those who are not concern'd. A Judicious Person compar'd People to Bells, the Ringing discovers whether they are sound, or crackt. I will not go about to show how words discover the Soul; but in short, as we know by the Post that comes from any place what has happened there, so by the words we discover how Affairs stand, with the Brain whence they proceed.

The Women, I know will look up­on me with an ill Eye, since I pretend [Page 89] to regulate their very Motions. One of the most unsufferable things in them, is the use of unbecoming Actions. I know they have not all the same natu­ral Air and Grace, but they may all carry themselves with Gravity and Staidness. There is a damn'd Word much in fashion, that is Airiness, and in plain English, Airiness is Impudence. I was about saying more, but let this suffice. It is a plain case that Airiness is bad, because Gravity and Staidness is good. No Toleration of this kind is to be given a VVoman; it being ab­solutely as becoming for a VVoman to preserve a Decorum in these exterior Actions, as for a stately Building to have a Noble Front to set it off.

What shall I say of Laughter? If a Woman has white Teeth, a pretty Mouth, and Dimples in her Cheeks, therein lies the greatest danger. Some of these sort of Creatures will Laugh all the while at a Funeral Sermon, on­ly to expose their Treasure. It is in­fallibly true, that much Laughter be­tokens folly. Far be it from me, that I should perswade a VVoman to be al­ways Melancholy, this only serves to [Page 90] shew her Life is uneasy. Let her be merry, and laugh at home at her Ta­ble, with her Husband, Children and Friends; when she goes abroad, let her leave her Laughter at home, as the Ser­pent that casts up its Venom before it drinks, and after drinking swallows it again: When she comes home, let her resume her Mirth.

I have yet some scruple of Conscience about their Reading: the best Book for them is their Needle, and their Work; yet would I not wholly debar them Reading: I do not like them that will always be reading Plays, that learn Parts, and love to repeat them. O­thers are mad for Novels, and some for Plays. The affection to these things, is more dangerous than the use of them. I do not deny, but this Diversion may be allowed them, but least to those who are most fond of it; for they seem ra­ther to affect the Parity of Thought, than the Novelty of Story: I would have no body delight in any thing, but what is lawfully pleasing.

I will tell you a Passage I can never forget: travelling in Spain, I came in­to a Lodging cold, and covered with [Page 91] Snow, and could never prevail with the Landlady, or either of her two Daugh­ters, to shew me a Room; the more I pressed, the more they assured me, none of them would stir till they heard out a Novel that was very pleasing to them. They valued not that I threat­ned to go to another Inn, but rather in­vited me to sit with them, and hear the pretty Courtship that was between A­mouret and Phillis, for that was the subject of the Novel. In fine, I went to another Inn, and coming back that way soon after, I enquired after the Mother and two Daughters, that were so taken up with the Novel, and was told, That within a few days, each of the Young ones had furnished Matter for another Novel, having run away from the Town with two young Fellows, ap­proving themselves good Scholars of their so much admired Learning.

Well, we are come to Sanctimony, or rather Bigotry. I have tired you, and would fain run over this matter, but fear I cannot: It is a matter of greatest moment; strive, tho' it be a­gainst the grain, to give attention, and I will endeavour to speak with much circumspection.

[Page 92]VVe have seen many Persons of Note, and well inclined, under the spe­cious pretence of Vertue, led away to a disorderly course of Life. The De­vil sometimes deals with us, as a Man that looks for another, who if he sees him coming towards him, stays there till he comes; but if he sees him go an­other way, then he puts on faster, till he over-takes him. The Devil for the most part, does not go on to meet ill Livers, because he knows they are co­ming towards him; but it is, after them who live well, that he drives on with all possible speed.

Reformation of Manners is a good and holy thing; but it has certain li­mits, in respect to Married VVomen: they must not apply themselves to Pi­ous Exercises, so as to neglect the Du­ties of their Family; God has so ordain­ed it, that every one may be saved, by performing what is incumbent on them with respect to their condition. There are a sort of Men and VVomen in the VVorld, who profess themselves Ma­sters of Vertue, whereas in reality they are not so much as Learners. These often wind themselves into [Page 93] esteem of Pious Ladies, and Persons of Quality, without any consideration, and guide them as blindly as they do themselves, and as Experience has shewn us by dismal Examples.

‘The different Customs of Countries, and even the difference of Religion, are the Cause our Author here has made some Reflection, and given such Counsels, as are not at all suitable to us; they will not be well understood by such as have not been abroad, and tho' they were, yet will they prove of no use here: I have there­fore thought good to omit them, and substitute some parallel Observations more agreeable to the constitution of the Religious Bigotry in practice a­mong us. It is a commendable and ever approved custom of Ladies that aspire to Perfection in Vertue, to give themselves up to the direction of some Spiritual Guide: This I say, is com­mendable, when a VVoman casts her self upon such a Director, as by the ge­neral approbation is allowed of suffi­cient Learning and tryed Vertue. But, how rare are those to be found? There is nothing so pernicious, as when [Page 94] a VVoman led by a blind Zeal, com­mits the care of her Soul to those Pha­risaical Hypocrites, whose Godliness only consists in violent Railing, in rowling their Eyes, in the motions of their Heads and Hands, and to be plain, in diligently concealing their dear Enormities, so much practised by themselves, and so much inveighed a­gainst in others. I will not speak of those Ladies, who like these blind Guides, and with their assistance make Sanctity the Cloak to cover their Lewdness. There are few Men who know any thing of Intrigue (and there are very few that do not) but are themselves Judges, how frequent that Practice is. It is not these sort of Creatures we have in hand; these are past Cure: there is no hope of reclaiming them; Interest is their God, Pleasure their Paradise; they are the most obstinate sort of Pagans; for possessing at pre­sent their Deity and their Reward, they will never be perswaded to leave them, for a God and a Heaven to be possessed hereafter. VVhen a Hus­band perceives his VVife, whose In­clinations are Vertuous, and who [Page 95] aims at true Piety, fall ignorantly in­to the hands of one of those Hypo­crites, and suffer her self to be led by him; it is then high time to look about him. The least Delays are of dange­rous consequence, an immediate Cure must be applied; he must cut off that Conversation, before it take Root; she must be held back, before she is quite lost. Where the Devil finds a hot, but indiscreet Zeal, he blows it into a Flame, till it consume it self. The Bellows he makes use of, are those Canting false Prophets, who pretend­ing to the Word of God, have no other Sound but the Voice of Hell. These are the Idols some VVomen adore, to them they make their Offerings; and, if not prevented, to them they fall down; them (at first) they make the Keepers of their Wealth, and (at last) of their Honour. These are the Thieves who rob Families insensibly, of their Wealth; the Enemies, who sow the Tares of Sedition between Married People, while they sleep, and the false Lights that misguide frail Vertue, till it tumbles headlong into the Precipice of Vice. As these Vi­pers [Page 96] are to be excluded the House, so must a Woman wholly be debarred frequenting their Sermons, hearing their Doctrine, or being seen in their Congregations: It is enough, she be allowed her Parish, or those Churches where most Decency is observed; that she frequent them on the proper Days, at most seasonable Hours; that she go with modest Company; that at other times, she pray in her Closet: Let her not go thro' the Church, as if she were at a Play; not go to see, and endeavour to be seen; not take much Greatness upon her, since in the sight of God, the meanest is as acceptable as the greatest; not Pray aloud; not crowd to be the first out, nor stay the last. Some Men indiscreetly fly from one Extream into another; because there is danger in Hypocrisy, they hate all that looks like Devotion; be­cause there are Pharisees, they can en­dure no Church-men. If one enters the House, some leave them with their Wives, pretend Business, and fly their Company: others indeed, will stay, but grow uneasy, afford not a pleasing Look, nor obliging Word. Honour [Page 97] should oblige them to stay, good Man­ners to be civil. Church-men are to be treated with respect; it is better not admit, then once admitted, not to shew them a good Countenance. To speak the truth, I am much of the opi­nion of one that used to say, He had a great respect for Church-men; there­fore, if they were bad, he would not encourage them to be worse; and if good, would not give them an oppor­tunity of being bad in his House. An­other more nicely said, They were only good in four places, at the Altar, in the Pulpit, and in the Confession-Seat; and being asked a fourth, An­swered, a Picture.’

A Wife ought always to be Dressed neat and decently, in the House; her Servants should never see her in any unbecoming Garb. As she is obliged to endeavour to please none in the World but her Husband, so she should always appear to him, as if all the World saw her.

‘There is no necessity, a VVoman should always be set out in the House, in all the Formalities of a strict Dress; conveniency and ease, has found out [Page 98] what is called Undresses, as Decent, as Becoming, and as Modest. Some are no sooner Married, but they grow careless, either through Affectation, or natural Laziness: They all use the same Plea, to wit, That they are Mar­ried. The same Arts they used to gain a Husband, the same they ought to use, to preserve him. Yet VVomen would all appear like Angels abroad, and value not (many of them) how like Devils they look at home. They will be seen Gay and Glorious by those they pretend, not to regard, and be always Discomposed and Loathsom in the Eyes of him they ought alone to oblige. Nor does it end here; they will receive Visits, and expose them­selves in that unseemly manner to the Eyes of their Friends, or those who only pretend to be so. This is a con­tempt of the Person received, and a great lessening of her that receives the Visit. To appear in a disagreeable Garb to the Husband, breeds Distaste; to be seen so by Strangers, produces Contempt. To this purpose, a Cour­tier being invited by a Friend, and ill treated, ingeniously said to him, I [Page 99] thought we had not been such intimate Friends.’

Some Men there are, who proud of their Wives Ablilities, or Beauty, make them the common Subject of their Dis­course, and take all opportunities to shew Them, and their Perfections. This looks as if they exposed them to Sale, and is exposing their Vertue to be tryed; for the more Beautiful, the more Charming a Woman is, the more others (as well as the Husband) will affect her; and the more he makes her Pub­lick, the less worthy of her, will she and they believe him. I do not pretend, he should not be free and easy with his Friends, that he should not Entertain them in his own, and be Entertained in their Houses, that he should hide his Wife, and be afraid of every body that sees her: either Excess is equally bad; his House must neither be a Goal to her, nor a Publick Place of Entertainment for all the World; it is fit, she grace his Table, when he invites his Friends and familiar Acquaintance, not that she be made the Discourse of his wild and extravagant Companions. It is the Duty of the Wife, to see all things be in [Page 100] good order, that nothing be wanting; to be pleased and easy with her Hus­band's Guests, and to know (without being bid) to withdraw, if requisite, and when to stay, if convenient. Her Behaviour will produce respect, if good; and all that see it, will look up­on her as we do upon things Holy at a distance, without presuming to ap­proach.

I cannot forbear speaking one word of a certain sort of Matrons, who right or wrong, will wear the Breeches, and be absolute within doors: these ground their Pretensions to that usurped Pow­er, on being very Vertuous, very Wise, or of very great Birth; and sometimes, when the Husbands are Mild, good Na­tur'd, or Loose Livers, they compass it without alledging any of those Titles. If once the Husband discovers any such Design in his Wife, let him look nar­rowly to her; for, if once she gets the upper hand of him, she will never give over till he entirely becomes her Slave. I knew one, who finding his Wife upon these Terms, said to her, Madam, I will carry you home to your Father, and then will take a course at Law with him, to re­cover [Page 101] my Wife: and she asking of him, Why he said so? he answered, Because you are not my Wife, but my Husband. An ingenious and pleasant Married-man, used to tell me, It was impossible but Women would command their Husbands; but that all a good Man could do, was to endeavour, it should be as late as possible. For my part, I can no way allow, it should ever come to pass; no Man of sence, will allow of it; and no Woman that loves her Hus­band, desires it.

I have not yet spoke of the Manage­ment of Houshold Affairs, and they re­quire much circumspection. The House it self, I would have compact; I do not approve of wild Rambling Buildings, full of Doors, By Stairs, and private Passages. The Palaces of Kings and Princes, are surrounded with Guards and Porters, which prevent all Inconveniences might happen, like Spikes set upon a low VVall. The Houses of Men of Quality, which can­not be so well secured, require some old and trusty Servants, whom their Master should appoint, to be watchful and vigilant Overseers, of the good [Page 102] Order and Decency observed in the Fa­mily. But the Husband is not wholly to rely upon them; for as in War, we think it not enough to post Centinels, unless we keep continual Rounds upon them, to keep them Waking, and see they perform their Duty; so the Ma­ster of a Family, must perpetually have an Eye over those whom he has entrust­ed with the care of his Reputation.

I would have no Black or Tawny Women that go on Errands; they ge­nerally prove Fruitful, and in my opi­nion, every slip of Theirs is a Scandal to the House; for it is a shame, such infamous Practices should be allowed, in the face of a Lady and her Maids. Little Black and Mullatto Boys, are De­vils incarnate, naturally Buffoons, and of a mischievous Wit; they are pam­pered by the Maids; and for Apples and Pears, manage their Intrigues. Gipsies, Sanctify'd Women, such as carry about Small-wares, and some that sell things for less than they are worth, are all pernicious Cattel. Dumb Women are Vipers Landresses, women that carry Nosegays; others, that ei­ther Buy or Sell, grow familiar with the [Page 103] Maids, and perswade them, they can­not live without them; as also Fortune-tellers and Mountebanks, are not fit to be conversed with. Jesters, especially those who belong to Princes, grow im­pudent upon the least incouragement. Men that practice Slight of Hand, those who mimick Sermons, imitate Beasts, and act other Men, are a destructive Generation: but above all, those VVo­men are so who sell VVashes for the Face, take away Freckles, make false Eye-brows, and smooth the Skin; those who go about Begging for others, and Pedlars. All this sort of People, that usually resort to great Houses, stick like Fish to the Rocks; they are hard to remove, but worse to be endu­red. There must be Force used as well Industry, to expel them; for all this sort of Vermin only studies how to Cheat, to Get, to Steal, to Lie, to tell News, and very often to bring and car­ry very scandalous Messages, that re­dound to the Discredit of those Houses that entertain them; from which, God deliver all good People.

A Man of considerable Quality had a sick Daughter, whom he kept very [Page 104] strictly: She had a Gallant, who used to write to her; the Letter was rowled up, and a Nosegay made upon it. A Hypocrite, under the habit of a Hermit, used to talk to her Father, and present him with the Nosegay, as brought from the Altar of some Saint: He was plea­sed, and carried it to his Daughter, and under those Flowers, administred the Poyson he ought to keep from her, and might be said, to play the part of her Procurer. VVho would have thought, such Villany could lye hid under such fair Appearances, as Sanctity and Flow­ers! This made good the words of the Poet, Latet Anguis in Herba; The Snake lyes hid in the Grass.

Some Men, and those of no small Note, will employ their VVives to so­licit their Business, knowing they are often more successful than Men. I think, there are but few Cases, where­in it is lawful for a Man to take his Pleasure, and send his VVife to speak and sollicit for him. If the Husband be in Prison, the Honour of the Family at stake; if his good Name be in dan­ger, his Employment depend upon it; if it be to get leave for him to come [Page 105] home, when absent, or to secure the Life of a Son; in these Cases, and no other, it is fit for a VVoman to appear in Business, and even then it is dange­rous, and does not always answer Ex­pectation.

A certain great Minister used to give Audience to Ladies, without his House, in a place so retired, it was suspicious. Two Men of Quality carried their VVives thither, to solicit their Busi­ness, and putting them in, withdrew; others took notice of it, and one of them said, Indeed, it was not well done of those Gentlemen to withdraw, for their Pre­sence credited their Business: another Answered, That is a Jest, those Gentle­men do not desire to credit, but to do their Business. It was an excellent Saying of the Count de Vimioso, That he who loses his Honour to do his Business, loses both Honour and Business. Let no Man of Sence and Honour, endeavour to ad­vance himself with such Danger. VVhat can he expect to gain at last, whose very Beginnings are built upon Losses! Prudent Merchants insure their Goods of most Value. A Ver­tuous VVoman must be like that Saint, [Page 106] who never appears but in great Storms, and then it is to bring help. Let her be ready to assist in the Misfortunes of her House, and to ease the Troubles of her Husband and Children: Let her endeavour to deliver him and them from Disasters: Let her be their Voice, not their Sollicitor. She may strive to help out in cases of Necessity, not to carry on an Interest.

Married Women are pleased and ob­liged, when their Husbands tell them what they know, what they hear, and what News there are about the Town. To be too reserved, is the way for a Man to be hated; to be too open, an in­fallible way to be despised. A Man must choose a Medium between both those Extreams, so that his Wife may not think he slights her, nor he give oc­casion to be undervalued by her. Our Women have a Saying, That he who loves me, tells me what he knows, and gives me what he has. A discreet Man will never tell his Wife the Stories of his Youthful Amours and Intrigues: for they produce two ill Effects; the one, that they discover their own Frailties, the other, that they shew them how [Page 107] easily some Women are drawn in. He must by no means, ever entertain them with the Failings of other VVomen; but, if things happen to be mentioned that are so notorious, they cannot be deny'd, he may excuse them, or evade the Discourse. Let him always menti­on those Things with horror, and lay all the blame of such Miscarriages upon the Husband, ever excusing the Wife. This will denote, that a good Husband will not fail of a good Wife, as it com­monly happens; and that he being such, expects the like return from her.

We often see Married Women of un­tainted Reputation, keep company, and be familiar with some, whose Credit is either quite lost, or runs very low. Much Prudence is requisite in this case; but the safest course, is wholly to avoid them. Honour is like a Looking-glass, any Stroke breaks it, and the least Breath clouds it. Perhaps, some are the more free to converse with such Women, relying upon their own un­spotted Fame. But the ignorant Vul­gar, either cannot, or will not distin­guish between Good and Evil: For the most part, he who Shoots, hits not [Page 108] exactly the Mark, but near it; so Cen­sorious Tongues being about to speak ill of any Person, hit not at first upon the right, and perhaps defame those who are next to them. I have always recourse to the most natural and easy Comparisons; and am therefore sur­prized in this case, when I consider, that one only drop of Ink falling into a Bottle of fair Water, is enough to discolour it all, and that a Hogshead of fair Water is not sufficient to make a small Vial of Ink clear. This is the case between a good and bad Reputation; the best can never wipe off the Stains of the bad, and the bad always sullies that which is never so good. We find, Health is not catching as Diseases are; therefore it was well said, That Good is not like the Itch, but Evil perhaps may be so. The discreet Management of the Husband, must draw a Woman from such Company. A Friend of mine behaved himself sin­gularly well in this Case: He always pressed his Wife to Visit, go Abroad, and keep Company with such and such Ladies, of whose Integrity and Good Name he was fully satisfied; and by this means continually hindred her from Visiting, going Abroad, and keep­ing [Page 109] Company with others, of whom he did not so well approve.

‘Among the many ill Customs, Li­berty has introduced in England, none has prevailed more than this, which is one of the worst that is, for Virtu­ous Women to keep company with such as are Lewd, or have the Repu­tation of being such. I am of Opini­on the Ladies of the first Quality, are the first who gave way to this Abuse, making themselves familiar with the Mistresses of Kings, and as the inferior Ranks strive to mimick all their Ac­tions, so they could not forbear imi­tation even in this, and it is thereby descended to all Degrees. There is now little or no distinction between the Wife and the Miss, they all herd together, and they having made this Equality between themselves, no wonder if Men make no great diffe­rence in the respect they pay to both. The greatest Ladies are Guilty of the greatest Crime, they not only Com­mitted the fault, but gave the Exam­ple. The others are equally Guilty in the practice, though not so Criminal in the scandal. Strange, that those [Page 110] who should be the Patterns of Honour and Virtue, have so much degenera­ted as to Countenance Infamy and Vice, by associating themselves with the Professors of it; as if the Bed of a King sanctified Lewdness, or the Ti­tle of Dutchess and Countess, would wipe away the Name of a Prostitute. This has incourag'd Men to keep, and Women to be kept by them in the face of the World, the difference of re­spect being now so little, or rather none between a Wife, and a Wench. The effect of this Conversation is ob­vious enough; what else is it has De­bauched so many Women well born, and what is it else that has made the Credit of most Women so dubious? If you handle Pitch something will stick, if you keep ill Company, you will get some ill haunt. Every one is to be known by this Company, if a Man is always among Thieves, he must expect to be thought one of them, if a Woman among W—res, she cannot avoid the Imputation. The Marry'd Woman that values her Ho­nour, that loves Virtue, and desires to promote the Peace of her Family, [Page 111] will abhor such Company, and fly such Conversations. A prudent Hus­band, if he find his VVife the least inclin'd to it, will disswade, will di­vert, and when other means fail, must make use of his power, and Authori­ty, to draw her from it.’

Most VVives look upon it as unkind or uncivil, in the Husband to extol the Beauty, Air, Shape, or good Parts of other VVomen; yet it may be tolera­ble, if it goes not too far. In this parti­cular a Man may take his Measures from the Humour, Age, Beauty and good Qualities of his VVife; for they who have a Stock of their own, are better pleased to hear the perfections of others spoke of.

A Man of Quality discoursing with his VVife (whose Ingenuity and VVit far exceeded his) highly commended the Beauty and good Parts of another VVoman. The VVife bore with it as long as she could, but finding him still proceed, she said, To be Reveng'd for your so much extolling that Lady, I could only wish you were Marry'd to her, that you might slight her, and to see how she [Page 112] would behave her self, when you should praise me as you do her.

This does not hinder a Man from be­ing complaisant and civil among the Ladies, when there is occasion for it, for all Men of Honour are oblig'd to it; and Matrimony does not debar us, that Liberty which is commendable, and decent, so it exceed not the bounds of courtesy and good Manners.

The King and Queen of Spain be­ing about to Ride out, the Queen looking out of the Window, saw the Kings Horse pass along by her Mare without taking any notice of her. The Queen call'd out to the Master of the Horse, and Commanded him imme­diately to cut off that Horses Legs, for she was resolv'd the King should never Mount him again. The Master of the Horse ask'd, what he should say to the King, for so doing, she reply'd, Tell him it was because he pass'd by so Beauti­ful a Mare as mine without Neighing, and a Horse that has so little Mettle, is good for nothing.

This Liberty is not common to the Woman as well as the Husband, whose priviledge is much less in this case, and [Page 113] yet no wrong done her; as the Fran­chises of one Town may be much larger than those of another, and yet this lat­ter may have no just cause of com­plaint. Let not a Wife presume to praise another Man, either in the pre­sence or absence of her Husband, un­less it be in things indifferent, and which are not essential to the perfecti­on of Man.

‘There can be nothing more unseem­ly, than to see VVomen set up for Judges of the Shape, Behaviour and Parts of all the Men they see. Some there are will so nicel [...] delineate, and so curiously describe every Fop, one would think they spent their Life in the Study of Man. Others praise with such eagerness and concern, they give more occasion to suspect they are moved by Affection, than the bare consideration of Merit. Neither be­comes a VVife, who ought to study and admire none but her Husband, all the rest of Mankind ought to pass as if unseen, or seen so as not to be re­garded.’

A Young Marry'd Man is allow'd to be Gay, and use all the Ornaments of [Page 114] apparel that are becoming. VVedlock is the high State he aimed at, and all things being more perfect in their highest Elevation, than whilst they ascended or decline, all things that con­duce to his accomplishment, are good and Lawful in a Marry'd Man. Cost­ly Apparel, and all exterior Ornaments were design'd for Husbands and Lovers; for it is to be supposed all the Curiosi­ty of Dress tends to please the VVife, or the Mistress; on which account it is much more commendable, than if it were design'd only to content and sa­tisfy himself. Custom has made a great alteration in these Affairs amongst us, and in truth if it be not for the bet­ter, I think at least it is not for the worst. Our Forefathers used to say; A Man should smell of Gunpowder, and a Woman of Frankincense. Hereby signi­fying, the former should be employ'd in Warfare, and the latter in the Church. It is not long since a great Lady not a little conceited, used to censure a Courtier for using Perfumes, and he hearing of it, sent her word, That if her Ladiship could once bring her self to smell of Frankincense, he would [Page 115] soon prevail with himself to smell of Gun­powder.

The neatness of Rooms, Curiosity of Apparel, and suchlike things Con­demn'd by the Antients, are now be­come practicable, and are not vicious in the use, but the abuse. There is difference between foppishness and neatness. And that we may not be wholly disgusted with the modern Customs, nor those who affect to be Rigid, pretend to Confound us with the purity of the Antients; who would believe, that in the Reign of King Sebastian, when Men to flatter the Ex­travagant fiery Temper of the King, would be thought to be made of Iron, it was the fashion for Young Noble Men, to lean upon their Pages when they walk'd, as now a days the Ladies do; and that ill Custom so far prevail'd, that when they Play'd at Tennis, they would not change their Stations as is usual without the help of those Pages. They protracted their Words, and all in general minc'd them, and talk'd effeminately. This shews, it is not the Age that makes Customs better or worse, but the Quality; nor is it rea­sonable [Page 116] to despise what now is, only to magnify what was.

‘There are a conceited sort of Men, who never give over Railing at our present Fashions, not that they mis­like them, but to be thought Wiser than all the VVorld. Nothing will down with them, but former Ages; and this is only a mistaken Affectati­on, to be thought well-read; where­as in reality, nothing more expresses their Ignorance. I cannot believe, the VVorld was ever better or wiser than it is; for, if we consult History, we shall find no Age, but abounded in VVickedness and Folly as much as ours can do; and, if we read the antientest of Poets, we shall find nothing they exercise their VVits in more than Satyr, in exposing and rail­ing at the Vices of their Times. Even as it was then, so it is now; none more vicious than those Poets, who so much exclaimed against Vice; none more depraved, than those who now revile the present Age. And to shew the Fashions then, were no more com­mendable or decent, than what we now use; let but every one reflect, [Page 117] What could be more ridiculous or in­convenient, than a Steeple Crown-Hat, a Starch'd Ruff, Slashed Sleeves, a little Doublet, great wide knee'd Breeches, like a pair of Petticoats, an inseparable short Cloak, and eternal Boots? How incomparably more de­cent and convenient, is the Garb now in use? a Hat that has nothing super­fluous, a careless easy Cravat, a Coat fit to the Body, Breeches shaped to the Thighs, and Shooes proper for the Season. How much better is a VVo­mans High-head, than a little Coif; her Hair in a small Curl, or quite Plain, than long dangling Locks; a a Gown shaped to the Body upon Stays, than a stiffned Jerkin; the Sleeves to cover the Arms, than tacked upon the Shoulders; their Coats easy about them, than stuck out upon a Queen Elizabeth Fardingal? Yet af­ter all, it is Custom that makes all things appear well or ill; those Fashi­ons pleased our Forefathers, and we are delighted with these.’

I look upon it as very improper, for a Man to be always Undressed in the House; if it were not troublesom, I [Page 118] would advise, to wear the same Garb at Home as Abroad. A Man dressed, appears more Awful and Majestick. This is plain; for that Great Men do not receive Visits, or expose themselves to be publickly seen in a careless Habit; but at such times, only admit Ser­vants, or particular Persons, of whose respect they are sufficiently satisfyed.

To Fondle and Dally with ones Wife at Table, before Servants, (much used by many Men) is very indecent, a les­sening of the Gravity and Stayedness of the Husband, and contrary to the Mo­desty of the VVife. In this case, if the Man wants Discretion to refrain, the VVoman ought to have the Prudence to obstruct it.

The same Practice towards Children, is much to be condemned. I saw once a great General beset with many Offi­cers of Note that attended him, break through them all, and run to meet and kiss a little Son that was coming to him; all the Spectators gazing and admiring, that a Person so considerable, should have so little command of himself: I declare, had it been in my power, I would instantly have broke him; for it [Page 119] is not so great a demonstration of Cou­rage and Resolution, to suppress the Sal­lies of Hatred; as it is to Conquer the irregular motions of Love. Fathers will say, They are the best Judges in this case; for those who are not such, cannot so well limit the force of their Love. They may say what they please, but I shall never recant what I have said. All the VVorld is satisfyed, that a Looker on, sees more than he that Plays. Since we have spoke of Chil­dren, let us go through with it at once. It is as reasonable to wish for, as to de­serve them. This Desire must not be so extravagant, as to discompose, or oblige a Man to any Excess. Young Married People may always hope with Assurance. Since we have made use of Proverbs, that Old Saying will save us from trouble, and is not unfit for this purpose, that We must not lye in the Ditch, and cry God help us: We must pray to God, and at the same time use human Means. God deliver you from Medicines, Baths, extravagant Devo­tions, fruitfulness by Sanctified Touch or Blessing of Hypocrites, strange Mountebanks, Chymical Preparations, [Page 120] new-found Potions and unknown Plasters. All that is required, is to be much a Man, and more a good Christian; to resign ones self to the Will of God, be pleased with what he sends, which is always more for our Interest than what we de­sire.

When you have Children, never tell of their pretty Actions, or seem over­joyed at their Wit; that only serves to make them Rude, and is no Credit to the Father. Mothers would have the Fathers take them in their Arms, and Play with them; if ever you hap­pen to commit this Weakness, let it be very private, that none see it, no more than you would be seen Stealing, or committing any other Crime. It does not belong to a Man, to make himself his Child's Nurse, or Cradle. It is very preposterous to make Grimaces, and speak to them in their own imperfect Language: it suffices to see, love and take care of their Education. All other Fondness belongs to the Mothers, who are not at all to be imitated in those Actions, nor that Care and Employ­ment usurped by the Father.

I just now remember a Passage which [Page 121] shall not be omitted, 'tho perhaps it may not be thought much to the pur­pose: A great Minister (who was much Courted) had a little Son, that used to come into the Room, where he heard all Men of Business; among the rest, there was one very Antient, of great Quality, and who had Affairs of great importance in hand; he used to Converse very much with the Child; and the Spirit of Dissimulation and Flattery had so far taken possession of him, that he did many absurd things; and another, who had Business there, and saw it, said of him, Indeed, it is strange, that Interest should make such a one less among another Man's Children, than Love makes us among our own.

Take what follows for a Jest, or for Advice, which you please: When God gives you any Daughters, let every one have but one usual and easy Name, ac­cording to your Fancy or Devotion. I look upon the Custom of giving a whole Catalogue of Names, and many hard and extravagant ones at last, to be very impertinent: Women are much addicted to this new sort of sop­pish affected Grandeur; and sometimes [Page 120] [...] [Page 121] [...] [Page 122] it happens, that she who was Christned, and always known to be plain Mary or Frances, heaps upon her self a dozen other hard Names, that are enough to puzzle an University; and this they do, only because they heard such and such Ladies so called.

This Tale is not unpleasant: In a Neighbouring Village, the Daughter of a Yeoman was carryed to be Baptized; he understanding a Noble Man's Child had not long before, received Three Names there in Baptism; this Gran­deur being cheap, he resolved to strain the Point yet farther, and ordered his Daughter should have Four Names. The Curate having heard them, said to the Godfathers, Gentlemen, choose one of all these Names, for I have a weak Memory; or else, I vow, I will Baptize her without any Name, or send her home as she came, till ye there agree what Name to fix upon.

I had like to have omitted one parti­cular, that deserves to be considered, and which ought not to be passed in si­lence, since I handle so many small Af­fairs: Men very often are guilty of one Extream or other, when their [Page 123] Wives are in Labour; some are as dili­gent and busy as the Midwife, others fly, and think they can never be far enough from them. An arch Youth, who was of the latter Humour, used to say, That if he Married, it should be in July. And being asked, Why? An­swered, Because, if I prove so unlucky as to have my Wife Lye-In, it may fall out in March, and then I may find Shipping for India, whither I will choose to go, ra­ther than see her in that condition. The love a Man bears his VVife, may be the best Counsellor upon this occasion, and this natural Inclination will guide him. I blame not those who at that time would wish, they could be every thing for to be assisting; I condemn those that will be nothing: it is impro­per to go abroad, because there are ma­ny Accidents wherein a Man's Presence is required; it is enough for every Man to be in his Chamber, and there with an equal constancy, receive the Joy­ful or Dismal News. The Saying of a Spanish Nobleman, will be some Diver­sion amidst this serious Discourse; He was a General, and one of his Cap­tains sent him a Letter, begging leave [Page 124] to go home, to be present at the Birth of a Child: The General writ this An­swer; I would be glad to be at home when I had a Child, but to be present at the Birth, signifies nothing.

The Corruption of the World, which daily encreases, has introduced choosing of lusty Country-women for Nurses, instead of Vertuous and well Qualifyed Women, as was formerly used. VVe first descended from Mothers to Nur­ses, and are now come from good Nur­ses to bad ones; but, it is the Fashion, so let it pass. Yet, it seems to be con­trary to the Duty of the Mother; for as a VVise Man observed, She maintains us nine Months in her Bowels, before she sees or knows us; then, why when she sees and knows us, does she cast us off, and find another to maintain us? I could wish to see the Children of my Friends suck good Milk, not only in relation to the Soundness of the Nurses Body, but to the good Disposition of her Soul.

‘I have not hitherto in any Point, opposed the Opinion of my Author; not because it was infringing the Rules of a Translation, but because his Coun­sels have been good, and not to be ob­jected [Page 125] against with Reason. I must incur the Censure of some precise ad­mirers of Antiquated Custom, but I hope the Ladies will be of my side. I have already Spoke as to the regard due to Antiquity, when Experience has taught us better, and more con­venient Customs than our Forefathers left us. It is to me preposterous, that a Man can pretend to Love his VVife, or indeed to have any regard for his own satisfaction, and oblige the Mo­ther to Nurse it. can a Man make a Slave of her he Loves? Can he be pleased, she should not have a quiet Night? Can he be satisfied to see her want an Hour of Rest in the Day? There is nothing more vain, than to think a Child is the less belov'd for be­ing Bred abroad, the Eyes of the Pa­rents may be upon it, and nothing will be wanting. But supposing a Man to have so little regard of his VVife, yet still sure in respect to his own quiet and satisfaction, he would ne­ver endure all the impertinencies that attend the Breeding of Infants. Milk is the Nourishment of the Body and not of the Soul, therefore, provided [Page 126] a Nurse be Sound and Healthy, I can­not conceive what danger there can be in the Breast. I shall as soon be­lieve it may alter the shape, as the in­clinations of a Child. As for the VVise Parallel between Nourishing the Child in the VVomb, and Suckling it af­ter it is Born, it is not at all pertinent; for no Argument can be drawn to prove, that because a VVoman en­dures the Pain that Nature has indis­pensably laid upon her during that time, she must intail Misery on her self for ever; and doubtless there is none, even the fondest of Mothers, who if it were possible at any rate to trans­fer the sufferings of Child-bearing to another, would not think the purchass cheap, though at never so great a Price.’

To prescribe Rules for the Educati­on of Children, is a matter of too large Extent, and a Subject deserving a par­ticular Treatise, the business in hand, is only to give some Instructions for a Marry'd Life, towards making it the more easy and pleasing.

This is a proper place to speake of Bastard Children, a very needless, and [Page 127] often troublesome sort of Creatures to Marry'd People; but when they are had, they must be taken care for, and cannot be Sold to the Plantations. Therefore something must be said in Relation to them. Natural Children gotten out of Wedlock deserve to be Cherished, as long as there are none Lawfully begotten. There have been so many Famous Men in the World of that sort, that I would not have them slighted too soon. I think a few words will serve to Direct and Instruct the Fathers, the greatest difficulty is what advice to give to the Wives of such Fathers. Such there are, so generous, they entertain, and cherish with Kind­ness their Husband's Children, others cannot endure, but abuse and perse­cute them. Margaret de Valois, Queen of France (before mention'd) behav'd her self with notable Gallantry in this case. She was in Bed with Henry the Fourth, Sirnamed the Great, who was very false to her, and perceiv'd he was much concern'd, because word was privately brought him, that Madomoi­selle de Foseuse one of her Ladies, and the King's Mistress, was in Labour within [Page 128] the same Palace. The Queen Drest her self, and went to the Labour of that Servant who serv'd her so ill, she saw her well attended, and took care to save her Reputation, Commanding all those that had assisted her, upon Pain of her displeasure, not to Divulge what had happened. If all Women would follow this Example, they might well be entrusted with those Children, com­monly call'd Byblows: but considering there are few such, the best way is to Breed them not only out of the House, but out of the Town where they Live. These Children are never to be cast off, or totally abandoned, for though un­fortunate in their Birth, they retain the Name of the Family, and very often through Want fall into many Misfor­tunes, which redound to the Discredit, and Burden the Conscience of the Fa­ther. The Church and the Sea are the common Receptacles of this sort of Peo­ple: It will be Prudent to Breed them up to one of them.

This is a proper place to put you in Mind of Correcting a loose and disor­derly course of Life, which the more a Man-follow'd before Wedlock, the [Page 129] more he ought to shun after. When a Prisoner happens to break Goal and make his Escape, though he be at ne­ver so great a distance, he thinks not himself safe as long as any part of his Chains is remaining about him. Fly the very thoughts of all past Vices as you would the Plague, cast off all the Youthful Wild Delights, and do not offer so much as to look back towards them, not even to see how far they are from you. It was an excellent Fiction of the Poets, that Orpheus, when he went to Hell was in no danger there, till being come out again, he look'd back. That is really the most deplora­ble Estate, when a Man after leaving a wicked course, falls back into it a­gain.

Many Men (I know not with what Confidence of themselves) entertain Familiar and Expensive Friendship with Modest Ladies, and believe they no way wrong their Wives. But the Consequences are often very bad; for most Marry'd Women are at first of­fended with the extravagant Expences, and Disorders of their Husbands, and by degrees fall into perfect Jealousy. [Page 130] Nor can they be blam'd, for it is no less wrong in a Husband to be defective in the tenderness, and affection he owes to his Wife, than in any part of that which is most generally and pro­perly call'd the Matrimonial Debt; but the Injury will be so much the greater, when offered to one who places all her satisfaction in the Kindness and Love of her Husband.

I will not so slightly run over the Word Jealousy, which is a Hell upon Earth, whether a Man be infected with it himself, or infect his Wife. It is the greatest of Plagues among Men, it takes away all quiet of Mind, and most cruelly Torments those it is once possest of. It has been, and is still much disputed, whether is the greater Tor­ment for a Man to be Jealous, or give occasion to his Wife to be so. I will not decide it, but abhor either. Ma­ny there are, who make no account of administring cause of Jealousy, but are highly concern'd at the least Sha­dow offered them. This is a notori­ous Oversight, for generally the cause given is grounded upon strong Sur­mises, though so little respected, and [Page 131] that which a Man takes to himself, and so highly resents, is raised only by Ima­gination; and Women being more re­vengeful than frail, it often happens their revenge has more fatal conse­quences than their frailty could have. It was ingeniously said by me, That Jealousy is like God; for it makes some­thing of nothing. This is its property, and therefore ought to be banished the Houses of all Wise Men, and good Christians. The Torment Men and Women endure by this cursed Imagi­nation is incredible, and therefore with good reason it has been called a Viper which kills them, that bring it forth. I advise all Marry'd Men to shun this Plague; and that they do not give occasion to kindle that Flame in those they love or ought to love, which they so much, and so justly dread in themselves. An Ingenious Man used to say, That when a Man once gave his Wife to understand he was Jealous of her, he was gone half way towards making her give him an occasion to be so: Alluding to that Saying, that Set­ting our is as good as half the Journey perform'd. As the Law has not as­sign'd [Page 132] Punishments in some Cases that may happen between Marry'd People, believing they would never be pra­ctised; so a Man must never entertain a [...] Jealous Thought, as not believing there can be any occasion for it. I must di­stinguish between Prudence and Jea­lousy, Prudence prevents, removes and cuts off all occasions of suspicion. Jealousy does nothing of this nature, but on the contrary, a Man must be cautious and Prudent to avoid being Jealous. I will explain my self by a Comparison. A Prudent Man is like the Commander of a Fort, who con­tinually by Day and Night has his Spies abroad to observe all Enemies, though he know of none, that if any should arise, he may not be surpriz'd. Such a one Lives secure, Eats with comfort, and Sleeps at ease. A Jealous Man is like another Commander, who fearing what is, and what is not, shuts him­self up in his Fort, is afraid of the Wind that blows, and suspects the Motion of the Leaves, and therefore without any Honour or Profit leads his Life in con­tinual frights and suspitions, without knowing the comfort of Peace and Tranquility.

[Page 133]Here by the way I would put all those that shall happen to Read this Pamphlet in mind, they must not be­lieve, because I prescribe so much cau­tion and reservedness, my Design is to raise Jealousy between Marry'd Peo­ple; but rather that I propose so many Methods of Security to take away all cause of Suspition. There is no doubt, the Obligation would be much the greater to a Doctor, that would keep us in Health when well, than if he should let us fall Sick, and then Cure us.

Gaming, in all sorts of People, is a scandalous Employment in case they make it their Business; otherwise it may be only a Diversion, or Pastime most peculiar to great Men, who want other Affairs to take up their Time. I would easily agree to Play as much as is justifiable, if I could prescribe how far it is lawful; but I yet find it a greater difficulty to curb the dangerous passi­ons, those who Play are subject to, as Anger and Covetousness. Upon very slender matters a Dispute is set on foot, and that is improv'd to a Quarrel, where Life and Honour are at Stake; for it is not the value of the thing Men insist [Page 134] upon, but the nature of the dispute. There are so many Examples of the Mischiefs caused by Play, so many disasters follow it, they need not be repeated, our own experience can in­form us. A discreet Man was used to say, that Wine, Tobacco and Play ought to be Sold like Drugs at the Apothecaries-Shops. VVhen a Batche­lor Plays he ventures what is his own, if we may allow what he loses to be his. A Marry'd Man Plays what belongs to others, for he has right but to his share of what belongs to his Family, and consequently his VVife, Children and Servants have their's. Then how can he with a safe Conscience, venture and lose what belongs to others.

A Nobleman who was much given to Gaming, had a Daughter he dearly loved. Being once at Play, he lost his Money, and sent several times home for Jewels and other things of value, which were the best part of his Daughter's Portion. She resenting it, as she had reason, went to the place where he was at Play, and he much surprized to see her, ask'd, what she wanted in that place, she answer'd, [Page 135] Sir, I am come, that you may Play me away to, for it is to no purpose to keep me after losing all I was to have.

One who praised Gaming, called it The Academy of Patience. It might be stiled so, if Patience were to be learnt there, as it is worn out. I am often considering the Slavery of a Gamester, and can never sufficiently admire at it: for when Judgment is given against him, tho' in a matter of small moment, by a Stander-by, and confirmed by two or three more, yet he raises Objections, appeals, protracts the time, and at last, either he does not pay, or at least he complains; and then, they are so obe­dient to a pair of Dice, that they part with their Money, because 6 came up before 8, or 11 followed 7. I confess, I can never conceive, Why in the one case they should be so obstinate, and so submissive in the other! To conclude with Gaming, I will only add a witty Expression of one of our Courtiers: He used to say, He wish'd his Enemies but three Plagues, to be Reveng'd of them, To ask more than should be given them, to lay Wagers they should lose, and Play more Money than they should win.

[Page 136] ‘When Gaming was practised upon the Square, and it was a Shame and Dishonour to Cheat, then Play (tho' not good) was in some measure more excusable. Now Play is no longer a Diversion but a Fraud; and Cheat­ing is accounted Wit and Skill, not Infamy and Vice; what Pretence can a Man (who has any to Sence and Ho­nesty,) have to Gaming? If he Plays fair, he loses his Money, and is laugh­ed at for his Ignorance; if foul, he robs another; and tho' none else do, his Conscience must accuse him of the Wrong. There is no need to insist much upon this Point, and it needs no Proof; all that know any thing, know it to be true, and to convince Stupidity, is impossible: But there are many Men generally cautious, and who will shun Playing high, yet think themselves safe enough, ventu­ring but a little; this is often the most tempting Bait, to draw them into Ruin. The Devil never puts Man upon the blackest Villanies at first; he draws him on by degrees, from one to another, till he plunges him beyond all Shame and Remorse. Just so a [Page 137] Gamester, who designs upon one that sees not into his base Projects, allures him with Playing for what is inconsi­derable in value; then the more to please, lets him win: covetousness soon overcomes his Reason, and the Winner believes this Gain is the effect of his good Play or Fortune, and it is only the Bait to destroy him. Thus blinded, he forgets his good Resolu­tion, rises on the confidence of his Success, at one Cast loses what he had won, and in a few more, all he has of his own. Yet, supposing a Man to have so great a command of himself, as never to venture more than is very inconsiderable, still of that he will have no satisfaction; for the Diversion of Play consists in the Chance, and the chief Pleasure is, the hope to Win, tho' never so little. But he who meerly Plays for these Ends, must ne­cessarily fail of both; for he has no Chance, and consequently no Hopes to Win, because those to whom Ga­ming is a Trade, where they cannot propose a greater Profit, lay hold of the lesser; Deceit in them is a Habit, and they cannot forbear it, tho' in [Page 138] matters of small moment; or if they could, they would not, for fear lest pra­ctising Honesty, any thing of it might stick to them. I have done with the Men, only one word to the Women. If it be unlawful in the Husband, who is Lord of all, to expose his Fortune to the hazard of Play, how much more is it to be condemned in the Wife; who is not Mistress of her self, much less of his Estate? Nor must they pre­tend, there is more Innocence, and consequently less Danger among their Sex; Women are improved to all the Crafts of Men; they are as well Skil­led in all the Frauds of Play; they use as little Conscience, have less regard of Honour, and are under no appre­hensions of Punishment for Crimes of that nature. In fine, It is Villany to impose upon another, and Folly to ex­pose ones self to be imposed upon.’

There is another Danger as great as any yet spoke of, which is, That of be­ing wholly devoted, or rather be witch­ed to Friends; and some Men upon this account, mind nothing but Hunt­ing, Feasting, Rambling, and Debauch­ing with them. The midling sort of [Page 139] People are most exposed to this Evil; or among the great ones, Friendship is [...]o rare, they can never reap the Advan­tages, and consequently, need not fear [...]he Damages that may accrue by it; however, it is good even for them, to be cautious. It looks ill, and is a fault in a Married man, to choose a wild extra­vagant Batchellor for his Friend; for Friendship consisting in Sympathy or Likeness, it would be a wonder, if the Married-man did not every thing he saw the Batchellor do. Generally these People give ill Advice, stir up Married­men not to comply with their VVives, and perswade them to Libertinism. It [...] the property of our perverse Nature, [...]o endeavour to draw in others, to par­take in our Vices. Sick Persons are concerned, to see any body shy of them, or to give them over. Those who fol­low a dissolute course of Life, strive to debauch all they see inclined to live Re­gularly. Married-men are the best Companions for sober Married-men, and such are to be chose as live with Repute. Those Husbands are the pro­perest Friends, while Wives are also such among themselves. These may [Page 140] be more serviceable to one another and if they have any Grievances, can with more freedom communicate them and expect to find Comfort and good Instructions, or at least Compassion for besides, that a Man makes his Complaint to an Experienced Person, he lays himself open to one, that another day may have as much to say to him▪ A Gentleman of good Parts, and newly Married, asked of me, What was the most proper time for him to go home [...] Nights? I remember, I answered, Hi [...] Love and his Business were the best Clo [...] he could go by. But he not satisfied with that Answer, kept me long in discourse upon the same Point. Some Men ar [...] of opinion, a Man ought to keep to one constant Hour, which must be so fix­ed, that he may in all probability, by that time, have done his Business, and complyed with his Friends abroad, and not have occasion to put his Family in­to a Fright, by staying out late. Others say, this must not be, but that he is to come home as Conveniency serves, or Occasions fall out; for that by coming home sometimes early, he shews, it is not his fault when he stays late, but [Page 141] that some urgent Occasion obliges him. [...] approve of neither of these methods, because the Credit and Reputation of Married People, between themselves, [...]n respect to each other, must be grounded upon Truth and Sincerity, without any mixture of Artifice. I am most for keeping to an usual Hour, such [...]s will best suit with a Man's Af­fairs, either at home or abroad. But above all, new Married Men ought to shew a great respect to their Wives, [...]tending them more punctually for the first Years. Touching this particu­lar also, Opinions very much vary, and in so much, that they tell us of two ve­ [...]y discreet Bridegrooms, that the one going to bed, should call upon his Gen­tleman of the Horse, and say, Let the Hor­ses be ready very early in the Morning, to go a Hunting; for a Visit that is to be made every day, must not be long. The other being asked by his Valet de Cham­bre, What Cloaths he should lay out for him against next day? answered, Go home to your Father's House, till I send for you; for the Corn they are now Sowing, shall be Reaped, before I shall have any oc­casion for Cloaths. Such, and so various [Page 142] are the Opinions of Men, which is th [...] reason an understanding Man used t [...] say, Do you know why the Crow is Black▪ it is, because no body asks, Whethe [...] he is Black or White.

You may perceive, that in these Instructions, I do not observe Metho [...] strictly, but speak to each Point at [...] occurs to Memory. I believe it is ou [...] of its proper place, (but never out o [...] season) to advertise a Married Man that as he must cautiously avoid praising other Women too much before hi [...] VVife, so must he ever take care not to commend her before Men. A Man may, and ought upon some occasion modestly to commend his Wives Ver­tue, but not her Abilities; and even her Vertues, are not to be made the Subject of his common Discourse. It may be lawful for a Married Man some­times, and but seldom, to express the Satisfaction he has of his Wives Parts and Abilities, to a Father, a Brother, such near Relations, and to his most ex­perienced Friends, when they are Men of known Sence and Gravity. There are many Men, and of no small Quali­ty, who pretending to be Courtly or [Page 143] Witty, talk much in Publick, and praise their Wives Shapes and Limbs, which in my opinion, is most scandalous, and deserves a severe Reprimand. I was astonish'd one day, talking with a Gen­tleman of good Note, and in Years, be­cause his Wife being indisposed of a Pain in one of her Breasts, he told me, His Lady was much tormented, because her Bubbies were very tender.

Being one Winter Night in Flanders, in a House where many Great Men re­sorted, one of the Company had so lit­tle sence, as to draw out his Wives Pi­cture to shew to the rest; it was of that sort of Pictures that are put into strange Garbs, according to the fancy of the Painter, or the Owner; for Vice has invented as many Dresses to please the Eyes, as Sauces to delight the Palate. It hapned this Picture was in the Habit of an Ensign, and really very pleasing. One of the Guests then in the House, was a Youth of good Quality, but very much addicted to the Liberty used in that Country; and it being after Sup­per (as appeared by him more than any of the others,) it came into his Head to get the Picture out of the foolish Hus­band's [Page 144] hands, which he kissed and hug­ged as freely, as if it had been his own Wives, saying, O my dear Ensign, my dear Ensign! and a thousand Amorous Expressions. In fine, it run on to that height, that we fell together by the Ears, and it was a wonder some were not killed; yet the Shame and Scandal was great: and tho' those People are not Jealous and Malitious, it gave much matter of Talk, and lasted long. All this was caused by the extravagant li­berty of that unthinking Husband.

‘Tho' all the Counsels here given, be very prudent and excellent, and well worthy the consideration of every Man, that desires to live in the State of Matrimony with Content and Re­putation; yet I think, there is not one more absolutely necessary, and of greater consequence than this last. If a Portuguese, bred in a Country, where it is a Crime to speak of ano­ther Man's Wife, and no Credit for a Man to discourse of his own, could think this Advice seasonable in that Country, where so much caution is used; how much more necessary is it here, where Men without any re­gard, [Page 145] make their own or other Mens Wives, the Subject of their most disso­lute Conversation. How preposter­ous is it, to hear a Husband not satis­fied with extolling the Virtue and natural Endowments of his Wife, run into indecent Commendations of her Person, so as not to leave any Part of her Body, which as far as in him lyes, he does not expose to the view of those that hear him? Sure, nothing can be a greater demonstration of Folly, unless it be that of some others, who displea­sed with a Wife, only because she is so, can never cease Railing in all Com­pany, and as if her Shame were not their own; publish all her Imperfecti­ons, and not satisfied with that, often add whatever their Hatred and Ma­lice can suggest. To commend a Wife, is to extol ones self, if we will allow Man and Wife to be one, as Christianity teaches, it is raising the Desires of lewd Men; and he that de­sires, has already as much as in him lyes, wronged a Man of Honour; in this case, there needs not the Executi­on; the Wish, the Thought is an In­jury, and that is seldom wanting [Page 146] where such Praises are inconsiderately lavished. If Praising be not allowable, how much less to reproach and slander a Wife? it is not only Reflection a Man shares, as she is his second Self, but that he brings upon his own Judg­ment for not making a better Choice; the Honour done to a VVoman re­dounds to her Husband; if he make her despicable in the Eyes of the World, he must share in the Disgrace. There is another more than Brutal Liberty, much practised by some, who think all that is Lewd will pass for Wit; which is, to make their Jests, and divert themselves with the Dis­course of those things, Modesty and good Manners forbid us to name. Na­ture it self, and the Custom of all Ages, have prescribed Rules of Decen­cy for our VVords, and yet there are men who believe, there is no greater VVit than infringing those very Rules. I can only say, this is a horrid Practice, that all men either of Sence or Honour ought most carefully to a­void; I will add no more, because the Subject is such as does not bear dis­coursing of it, and Modesty forbids touching any farther upon it. If there [Page 147] be occasion for a man to speak of his Wife, and to express his Satisfaction, let it be with few Words, and always in general Terms, without ever de­scending to Particulars; but his Acti­ons and Behaviour are the Language will most fitly and best speak her Prai­ses, the Respect he shews, the Love he bears her, are the greatest Orators to speak for her; there is no Panegy­rick so much extols her, as the Com­pany and Kindness of her Husband. If a VVoman has Faults, it is his Duty (if possible) to correct, if not, at least to hide and conceal them.’

Some men (led away by their open Nature, or the fierceness of their De­sires,) stick not to discover to their Wives, they should not be sorry to be­come VVidowers; and tho' for the most part, they let fall these Expressi­ons by the way of Jests, Women gene­rally take them as real Discoveries of their Thoughts, and Tokens of their Diskindness, which is generally better repayed in the same Coin, than Love. Let every prudent man have a care of exercising this sort of Raillery; but on the contrary, let his Words and Acti­ons [Page 148] always express that Love and Ten­derness he would expect from her. He must not do as is said of one, whose Wife when she lay a Dying, said, She was very much troubled, she had not, done such and such things; he answered, Madam, do you Die, and all shall be done.

Have a great care of being too trou­blesom and difficult to please, as many are, with their Wives and Families. The impertinence of many, is really in­tollerable, who without any other rea­son, but barely because they are in their own Houses, are always Quarrelling and Complaining, tire all their Ser­vants, ordering first one thing, and then contradicting the same thing they commanded. Hatred is not kindled at once, but springs from Dislike, and by degrees becomes Hatred; this often happens between Man and Wfe, their continual Cohabitation and Company, which should increase Love and Affe­ction, exciting in them Enmity and Loathing.

Since I have told some such Stories, I will not omit this: A Son of the Ve­nerable Matron Margaret de Chaves, with whom I was well acquainted, and [Page 149] from whose mouth I heard it, sollicited the Canonization of his Mother at Rome with great importunity: Pope Paul V. had remitted the Examination of the Matter to a Cardinal, who was already so weary of this young Sollici­tor, that he endeavoured to fly as soon as he saw him; it hapned, he came to speak to him upon a day when the Car­dinal was more out of Humour than or­dinary, and after he had told him his Business as usual, the Cardinal replyed, Sir, it is needless to trouble our selves with farther Proofs of your Mothers Sanctity; do you but prove she had patience to endure you, and the Pope will immediately declare her a Saint.

Certainly, if we consider how great a stock of Patience is required to bear with impertinent Men, who value themselves upon being absolute in their Houses, and have no other way to shew it, but by tormenting and plaguing their poor VVives, we shall find they make a pleasing Offering of Patience to Almighty God, and that they may just­ly be received among the number of Saints. There is a sort of Men given to Bawling, who upon the least mo­tive [Page 150] would throw the House out at the Windows, and who discover the Secret of their own ill Conditions, and pub­lish it to all the Neighbourhood. God deliver us from that perverse Custom! It was a good Saying of one, That no body suffers so much, but if he looks upon the Sufferings of another, his own will ap­pear tolerable enough. Proud and un­reasonable Men are commonly sub­ject to this Failing. The former think all Creatures were made to serve them; the latter will not allow any thing for Accidents: Both are most unhappy Failings; because, being the Success of Things, is not generally in our power; it happens, that every Year, Day, and Hour, they fall out con­trary to our Expectation: and these Disappointments are no way remedi­ed by our Peevishness.

It will not be amiss, to remember those who suffer their Affections to stray towards their Maids, to the great ha­zard of the Reputation of their Fami­lies, to which they are false, and deserve an Exemplary Punishment. The very Birds of Prey that live upon what they find, generally go far from home, to [Page 151] seek their Food. Why then should Men be less cautious and wary? Tho' all manner of unlawful Conversation with Women, be of very dangerous consequence to Man, yet none so abso­lutely pernicious as that which is En­tertained within his own House. The disorderly proceeding of the Master is soon known to the Family, the ill Ex­ample prevails, one Vice creates ano­ther; and thus they multiply till they bring on some unexpected Misfortune on the Family. The Maids finding themselves belov'd by their Master, Plot against their Mistress, and con­trive such Devilish Mischiefs, that not satisfy'd with the first wrong, they of­ten endeavour to deprive them of their Honour, and sometimes of their Lives. Some hope hereby to succeed in their places (as it often happens) and others the more freely to follow their dissolute course of Life. Hence follow some­times Lamentable Tragedies, and some­times scandalous Marriages.

Having given several Counsels rela­ting to the Government of the Soul in the practice of Virtue; it is Requi­site to present you with some precepts [Page 152] touching the Management of the House, which with more Elegancy by Philosophers, is Stil'd the OEconomical Virtue, and is the second part of Civil Learning, which is also the second of Moral Philosophy. This, in fine, is no­thing but the Prudence, and Industry, wherewith the Citizen, the Gentle­man, the great and the small Govern their Families; which in Princes is Po­licy, and Matter of State, howsoever the Philosophers term it.

That Roman General, who believ'd he who understood well how to order a Feast, might know how to draw up an Army; had been much more in the right, had he said, he might well Govern a common Wealth, who knew how to Govern his House, for a City is nothing but a great Family, and a Family a little City.

It happned one day, and to be the more exact, it was upon the Eve of the Epiphany, that I went to Visit a Gentleman my Friend, and because he Liv'd far from my Lodging, and it was in Winter, I thought I should scarce find him at home by the time I got to his House. He was a Young Man, and [Page 153] both his Wife and he were reputed to be but ill Managers of their Houshold-Affairs. Being come to his Door, and having sent in to know whether he was disposed to receive my Visit, whilst a Page hurry'd about knocking at seve­ral Doors to enquire, I hear'd distinct­ly a Voice within, that said, Do you go to the Curat's House, and ask as from such a one whether this be a Fasting-day or not. If he says a Fasting-day, go to the Market for Fish; if not, fetch Flesh from the Butchers, make hast that Dinner may be got ready. This was between one and two of the Clock. Consider what a Life had the Servants of that House, when the Masters Liv'd in such disor­derly manner. The Confusion of a Family under a Negligent Master is not to be expressed. It is a common, but most true Saying, that When the Head akes all the Body is out of order. I was acquainted with a Man of great Quality and Understanding, but so ve­ry heedless of his House, that he used to send for a certain Friend to come and Chide his Servants, and oblige them to mind their Duty. These Extreams are related as monstrous, and it is fit [Page 154] to bear them in mind, the more to ab­hor them.

I reduce all the Government of a House to two Heads, that is Diet and Cloathing, Rules well known to the Wise. By Diet is to be understood all necessaries and conveniencies requisite within the House; and by Cloathing, all that is for making an appearance Abroad. I have touched upon the Points before, but not so much as was necessary.

Now to descend to particulars; it is requisite the Master of the Family en­deavour always to support it in that splendor and plenty, that his Fortune will afford, still labouring that nothing may be wanting, either for Credit or Conveniency. The Table must al­ways be so regularly supply'd, that it may be plentiful and orderly furnished, without any thing of Penury. It avails not to have plenty of all things brought in from abroad, if they are miserably dispensed and delivered out at home. Servants are more apt to resent the feeling of Want in the midst of Plenty, than they would Liberality in Want.

[Page 155]Some Masters think of nothing but hoarding Money, and neither Pay nor Cloath their Servants. I would not plead for Fortune, which sometimes so orders it, that those who Treat their Servants worst, are best attended by them; but must appear in the behalf of Reason, which commands, and re­quires him that would expect to have good Servants, to be a good Master. He that would have Servants to guess at his thoughts, ought to divine their wants. I hold it as a general Rule, That the Table ought to be more plenti­ful than dainty, and the Cloathing more Sightly than Costly. Set-meals and proper times of Cloathing, ought to be observ'd. A great Lord used to say of one much inferior to himself, that Govern'd his Family very orderly, That he never so much wish'd for any thing as to be his Servant, because his usage to them was such, that not only their Cloaths, but even their Persons never grew Old.

The best Pay, is that which is given in time. Let Servants have what is agreed upon, and Workmen the value of their Labour; he who does so, will [Page 156] be well Served by both: Good Service is to be rewarded, that Servants may be ready in time of need. Present Pay is best, though little; for if as the Spa­niards say, he gives double who gives immediately, it is a sign the readiness of the Gift enhances the value. An ill Pay-master by delay so far offends his Creditors, they are scarce to be Reconciled with double their due. A certain Servant being ask'd, whom he waited upon, answered, I Serve my Son; and being again ask'd, what he meant by that, reply'd, I Serve my Heir. This gave occasion to an Inge­nious Man to say, it was a false Proverb, that a good Pay-master Inherits what is not his own; because it is certain, he who pays not other Men their due, is heir to what does not belong to him. Let all things be Govern'd by Provi­dence, not Pride, for the Effects of the former will be good and just, and those of the latter Extravagant and Scanda­lous. I would advise a Man of Quality to keep a decent, not a Hungry Table, that it be rather to feed the Mouth than the Eyes. That is, that it be more for use than Ostentation.

[Page 157]I will relate two Passages to this pur­pose, both which I saw and had Expe­rience of to my own Cost. There was a Grandee of Spain, as great for his Va­nity, as remarkable for Penury, he had daily Twelve Dishes Serv'd up at Dinner, and as many at Supper with publick Ceremony, and it was certain only three of them had Meat, the other nine were carry'd along for form, but as empty as their Master's Head.

I Knew another to whom by his place the reversion of a Princes Table, whom he serv'd, belong'd. The Meat was carry'd to his House and serv'd up to his own Table. Next it descended to his Son-and-Hier, who kept a Table apart, and Entertain'd Company, and by whom I was sometimes Invited, and this was the third time those Dishes ap­peared in publick. But it stopp'd not there, for thence they went down to the cheif Servants, and from them to the Inferior, so that these Dishes ap­pear'd in five several places before they were Consum'd. This gave occasion to a Servant of that Family, with the Native sharpness of that Country to say: His Master was the greatest Man [Page 158] in Spain, for that he was serv'd by Grandsons of Princes, because all his Servants were but four degrees remo­ved from his Highness. Alluding to the four Tables, by which the Dishes gradually descended to them.

So great is the power of vain Glory, especially in our Age, that it flies at Nature, and overcomes it. For a Man to Eat well to support Nature, is ne­cessary, to Eat deliciously to please his Palate, is tolerable; but for him to Build a Reputation upon empty Dishes brought in for show as in a Play, is a Foppery, we ought to pray to God to deliver us from.

Since we are speaking of Eating, it is not amiss to advise not to keep un­seasonable Hours. It is very inconve­nient for the Servants, and Masters that require their attendance. If Atten­dance and Business obliges a Man to Dine late; I would have the Servants Eat first, otherwise they suffer much, and the House is never well serv'd, and it often happens when the Servants are to Dine after the Master, he loses his Business, and slips his time for want of attendance. I highly approve of keep­ing [Page 159] up our antient Customs of keeping Servants well Fed, cherishing, and treating them with Kindness, which binds, and inclines them to love their Master.

I would advise every Marry'd Man at some times of the Year without being ask'd, but of his own accord to make some Feasts, and have some extraordi­nary Mirth and Pastime in his House, to please and divert his Wife and Fami­ly. Let him promote these things him­self, they will be the more valued, he will be Cry'd up and Applauded for it, and indeed it is a sign of good Nature to delight in seeing others pleased, and delighted with what is decent and al­lowable. Not as our King Peter, Sir­named the Cruel, who caused the Peo­ple to be kept waking at Night, be­cause he could not Sleep. Let him contrive as often Entertainments abroad, whereof the meanest Servants may be partakers, that he may be thought easy and careful of their satis­faction. Let him prudently share with them of all extraordinaries as Presents, and other unexpected Refreshments. Some Men will rather suffer any Rarities [Page 160] to rot and be thrown away, than be­stow any on their Servants. There are some things, though mean and incon­siderable in themselves, very taking with the Family, that is affording them those things that are or Custom has made reasonable at certain times of the Year, as Minc'd Pyes at Christmas, Pancakes at Shrovetide, Pig at Bartho­lomewtide, Goose at Michaelmas, and the like; which though in themselves of no moment, nor worth the mentio­ning, yet being usual at those Seasons, are miss'd by Servants if not had, and when had, satisfy and content them.

I approve of going to Country Houses, but not of continuing any time in them, not that it is any way unde­cent, but extreamly troublesom. It disorders the Family, destroys the Goods, tires the Servants, nothing is sav'd, rather more is spent, and a Man neither enjoys the quiet of the Coun­try, nor the satisfaction of the Court. I mean those Country Houses, that are so near the Court, that one may go and come in a day, as is usually done by those who Live in them, which gave occasion to a witty Man to say, that [Page 161] a certain Gentleman's Coach, made three Journeys a year to Hierusalem, reckning how many Leagues the Coach travelled every day, going and coming between the Court and his Seat. Great Courtiers esteem a Country Life intol­lerable, which of it self it is not, but rather pleasant and convenient. One of these being invited by a Friend a­mong other company, to spend two or three days in a Country-House of his, the second day without taking leave of the others, set out towards the City; they called after him to stop, and ha­ving complyed, and being asked whe­ther he was going, he answered, My Freinds, I am going away, for if I spend above four and twenty Hours in the Coun­try, I fancy I am turned into a Beast.

I am of Opinion, it is not convenient to live always at Court, and there are certain times proper for a Married Man to retire with his whole Family, to live upon his Estate, or where he shall judge most for his purpose. If I must prescribe a certain Rule for the time of this Retirement; I judge when a Man-has above two Children, is the pro­perest Season. The time of his absence [Page 162] from Court, ought to be while those Children grow up, and it is no disad­vantage to them not to be known, that is, till eight or ten Years of Age: Then it is fit to return to Court to introduce them, that the King may know them, and they know how to behave them­selves at Court, which is very strange and uncouth to those who have not been bred in it; as is said of the Cata­racts of Nile, the Noise whereof is ter­rible to strangers, and scarce heard by the Natives that live about the place. The old Duke of Alva, who was Lord Steward of the Houshold to the King of Spain, used to say, If I am but two days without coming to Court, the third I stumble at the Mats, or else they laugh at me.

Now methinks, after this return to Court, a Man must not absent himself till his Children are Married; and then they being disposed of, that he retire to give rest to his Old Age, and gain a Christian Interval between Business and Death, which is the most impor­tant Affair of Life. This method is on­ly proper for him that lives for himself, and upon himself; for I do not design [Page 163] to advise a Minister of State, a Soldier, or Princes Servant, [...]ho dayly Merits, and is in the way of Preferment, to quit his Profession and Pretensions, without very great reason. Where there is a sufficient Cause, I am not against it; nor would I be so conceited to beleive, but any who hath sufficient ground for so doing, would suffer him­self to be led a way by the Counsel of a Man who has so ill governed himself. This sort of Retreat is very advantage­ous towards prolonging a Man's Life, preserving his Health, sparing his E­state, and saving his Soul. As to Life, Men live longest in the Country; for Health is maintained by Exercise; the Estate is bettered because less is spent, and Salvation is securer, because there are less Temptations to Sin, and the Thoughts are more free to be employed on God, and ones self.

Yet there are enow who contradict all this; for as one wisely said, Every Man gives a different Name to his Will: and therefore there has always been much controversy about this manner of Retirement. An antient Gentleman boasted, that he saved half his Estate by [Page 164] what was not to be had. It was quite otherwise with a [...]paniard, who when Money grew scarce, gave out, he retired to the Country, and went not from Court, but sayed, There was no way for a Man to recover and recruit himself, like de­vouring half a dozen Pages and Footmen, without stirring one Foot from his House. These Retreats are often very much op­posed by the Women, and they endea­vour so much the more vigorously to divert such Resolution of their Hus­bands, by how much they are the more great at Court, have the more Relations, or are more in Vogue. In this case, I can say no more than was said by a Miser, to one who would bor­row some Money of him, offering seven Reasons that should oblige him to send it; the Miser replyed, Those same seven Reasons I have, for not doing what you desire.

I can not avoid putting in a word touching some Husbands, who study nothing more, but how to be always absent from Home, upon long Journeys and Voyages, some of their own seek­ing, and others which they do not en­deavour to prevent, leaving young [Page 165] Wives behind, and perhaps not so well provided, or taken care for as they ought to be. These Men pretend it is Business of Honour and Profit, that calls them away; and Experience teaches us, they often under these Pretences ruin there Fortunes, and many times hazard what is of more value than their Estates, to wit, their Reputation, Wo­men Marry to live as Wives, not VVi­dows, and he that puts the contrary upon them, knows not his Duty.

A Widow talking one day with a Gentleman, said to him; Sir, I was never Marryed, then do you consider how it is possible for me to be a Widow. He replyed, Certainly she was so, for he had been well acquainted with such a Gentleman who was her Husband. And she returned; Sir I tell you I was Marryed by Proxy, I was a Wife by Let­ters, and that is no Married Life. And it was really so, for her Husband was so continually absent, she scarce knew him.

If we were in private, I would tell you a Story of a young Man, which I heard at Barcelona, There was a Gen­tleman there newly Married his Name [Page 166] Mosen Gralha. VVhen the Emperor Charles V. went into Italy, this Youth followed him, contrary to the will of his VVife, who was Young, Beauti­ful and Virtuous. The Husband being in Service, and hoping for Preferment, thought not of returning Home in haste. The VVife grew weary of waiting, and often writ to him to come home, but at last despairing of his coming, she sent him these VVords in VVriting, in the Catalonian Language; Mosen Gral­ha, Mosen Gralha, Mon Amor non manha Palha: that is, Mosen Gralha, Mosen Gralha, my Love will not feed on Hay. The Husband took the Letter, and car­ryed it to the Emperor to interpret for him; who understanding it, as well he might, honoured and prefered the Husband, commended the Freedom and discretion of the VVoman, and sent him Home. Monasteries, Enclo­sures, and Precautions that Men make use of, to secure their VVifes, are ve­ry dangerous, and without Occasions be very pressing, it is an Imposition to treat Women so, and a breach of Faith to leave them; for if any of them had a mind to be a Nun, she would not [Page 167] Marry. Every married Man ought to be very cautious, how he absents him­self from Home for a long time, and ne­ver do it, unless upon a sure and very great Advantage. It has been a Dis­pute among Politicians, Whether it were expedient to employ Married Of­ficers in an Army, or not? Did I con­verse with Kings, I would advise them, to employ Batchellors in Conquests and Offensive Wars; because, being Single, they expose themselves more freely, are more forward, in hopes to return Home with Honour, and get Wives; and ei­ther Living or Dead, they are a less Charge to their Soveraign. On the contrary, at Home in a Defensive War, I would have them prefer Married Men before Batchellors in Military Posts, be­cause Men generally are more desperate in defence of their Wives, Children and Honour, than of their Life. The same Advice I give Kings, in respect of their Subjects, will serve their Subjects in respect of their Kings: the one may ob­serve it in Choosing, the others in Soli­citing. But you will not bear with this; for I was running into Politicks and Matters of State, without thinking [Page 168] of it. With your leave, I will turn back, and come to my own Business.

It is an unsufferable thing in my Ears, to hear some Men, who always name their Wife by a Metaphor, or rather Nick-name them, calling them, My Old Woman, my Bedfellow, my Mistress, my Inseparable, the Mother of my Children, and many such Expressions, some much worse; but the best very unbecoming, and in my opinion, very unworthy any Man of Sense and Discretion. If a Man values his Wife, and she her Husband, Why should they not call one another by the proper Names? for the same that is said in respect of the one, is to be applyed to the other. Relations that Marry, use to call one another by the degree of Kindred that is between them. I love Truth, and would per­swade every body, rather to say my Wife, or my Husband, than my Co­sin, or my Nephew, or my Niece, or my Uncle: Yet this might be more tollerable, if not carryed so far as to give occasion to what happened to a Gentle­man, who continually called his Wife Cosin; for a Servant having occasion to write to her, superscribed his Let­ter, [Page 169] To my Master's Cosin, not knowing her Name. ‘(The reason of this is, that the Wives in Spain and Portugal, do not take the Name of their Husbands, but always retain their own.’)

If I may be allowed to go through with all my Impertinence, I would say one word concerning the manner of speaking between Married People. The Spanish word Tu, that is, Thou, tho' looked upon by them as kind and fami­liar, is too vulgar a Word, and if ever, ought only to be used in private. The French vous, is an Expression they would use to the Queen of Sheba, were she to come again. It is decent and seemly sometimes, to speak in the Third Person. Lordship and Excel­lency must be left to them it belongs to, but it looks shie for a Man to Treat his Wife as if she were not such. High­ness and Majesty may pass among Kings and Princes, who are forbid those familiar Endearments common to all the rest of Mankind; which gave oc­casion to King John II. to say, He wish­ed he could be a Man but for three days. Let me perswade Married People to treat one another in such Language, as [Page 170] may best express their Love, and shew their Respect, which is very necessary to those who desire to preserve Peace and Reputation. But the younger sort may be dispensed with, in the strict Ob­servation of any Rules.

I have not said any thing to the Wo­men a long while, and have one thing to recommend to them, which they have no reason to make slight of, for it is very convenient. There are some who revenge the Displeasures they re­ceive, and cannot remedy on themselves an Action very indiscreet and unjust. Some, because they have unkind Hus­bands, neglect and disfigure themselves, which makes them still the more un­kind. Those whose Children die, or who bear none, do not only inwardly Afflict themselves, but express their Trouble in their Cloaths and Counte­nance, which Troubles and Discom­poses loving Husbands, who have a Re­spect for them; and furnishes at least a plausible Excuse, for those who value them not, the less to regard them. This Disorder causes many great Incon­veniencies, which may much disturb the Peace of a Family; for generally [Page 171] Men are not of the Humour of a Friend of mine, who in the like case used to say to his Wife, Madam, be satisfied, that whatsoever you can do to me, I will not love you less, nor shall you appear the worse in my Eyes. That mutual Faith and Equality which is contracted in Wed­lock, requires each should indeavour to satisfy and please the other; and as it is a great Grief to the Survivor when either dies, so is it a Trouble and Affli­ction to the other, when either is Me­lancholy or Dissatisfied. I have alrea­dy said, the Souls of Man and Wife are in common between them, and so con­sequently their Pleasures and Sorrows. Let neither Party take upon them, what belongs to the other. Let neither Grieve nor Rejoice, farther than the same Passion may affect the other.

Having mentioned those, that for Grief are careless of themselves, it is not amiss to remember the others, who are as much to blame for their Gaiety, and excessive Care in setting themselves out. I have spoke of fine Cloaths and Dressing, and I know not whether it was Loathing, Anger or Forgetfulness, that has kept me from those who Paint their Faces.

[Page 172]The Woman that lays Paint upon her Face, lays on her own Infamy, and lays aside her Shame; She adds no Youth or Beauty, but wrongs her Judg­ment, her Age, and her Countenance. Every one who sees it, concludes she has little of her own to trust to, that has re­course to such base Borrowed-Helps. He was always esteemed a Coward, who wore most Armour. How many Women, instead of Pleasing by these means, Scandalize their Beholders, and provoke to Laughter and Scorn those very People whose Admiration they expected to raise, and whose Affections perhaps, they hoped to gain. This is an abuse a Husband ought carefully to take away at the very first; for Time or Age does not correct, but rather in­crease it. I am of opinion, the Hus­band that permits it, has as little Sense as the Woman that uses it. One of these Women desiring her Husband to sit near her; he Answered, Let me alone, for since my last Sickness, I have an Aver­sion to all Apothecaries Drugs: Ano­ther used to say of his Aunt, who be­ing very Old, laboured to hide the Signs of Age in her Face; My Aunt will not [Page 173] Credit, nor have others believe Demon­stration: And in truth it is so; for no Art will put the grace of Youth on an Old Face, and it takes away the Gra­vity. The Faces are disfigured with the continual plague of Washes and Po­matums, and the wretched Women are Slaves to their Pride. This is the reason another ingeniously enough, said, Such a Lady made an unhappy Slave of her Face: But Cardinal Capata ex­pressed it more wittily than all of them, who Visiting an Antient Roman Lady, very much addicted to this Beastly Custom; She asked, What News in Italy? and he perceiving her Face all daubed, answered, Madam, there is very bad News; for as the Case stands, I find Soliman has taken Possession of Civita Vecchia. ‘Soliman in Spanish, is Mer­cury, much used in those sort of White-Washes, to which he alluded; and by Civita Vecchia, is plainly expressed her Age; Criticks will call this but a Quibble, or Pun, but sometimes those pass for VVit in English, and they are generally so in other Languages.’

‘I remember but very few years since, Painting and Patching were the two [Page 174] distinctive Marks of a Prostitute in England; some VVomen of the Up­per-Rank, coveting to be known as such, first made it fashionable; and now it is become so general a Use, it is dangerous to speak against it. My Author being a Portuguese, doubted not to exclaim against it as a Vice in that Country, where it had been pra­ctised time out of mind, and where no VVoman thinks her self Dressed, till she has hid her Face under a White and Red Mask. Nor will I fear to say, it is the greatest Folly and Demonstra­tion of Lewdness here, where it is a new Invention, and where there are Thousands of the most Beautiful and Vertuous, that will no way be offend­ed at me. Experience teaches, how Yellow, how Withered, how Wrin­cled, and how Hagged, a young Face soon becomes, with the use of these cursed Pastes, VVashes, and Colours. he who sees a Woman that uses them, rise out of Bed in a Morning, needs no more to make him loath them; and they, if they had any Sense, would abhor them. In an Old VVoman, it is no better than Daubing a rotten [Page 175] Post, the VVorm eats through, it moulders away, and Age and Putre­faction appears through all the Var­nish. But to pass by the Damage done to the Face; there can be no greater Folly, in regard Nature has given the Complexion, and no Art can mend it; for the worst Complexion is better than the best Counterfeit; nor is any Man so blind, as not to see thro' a little Tincture of Spanish Wool, and a Varnish of Mercury and Ceruse, and such like Ingredients. Yet, what makes most to our purpose, is, that Married VVomen can have no pre­tence to it, because the Husband must see them at Night and Morning in all the Deformity it leaves, which must cause Horror to him; and if they lay it on to please, it must be some other Man: for no Husband can be delight­ed, to see that assume the Shape of an Angel, which he knows in it self, to be a Devil. The Man that bears with such an Imposition, is certainly past all Pity, and deserves to be made the publick Scorn; and the VVife that practises so base and open a Cheat, to be reputed Infamous, tho' in reality [Page 176] she were not so. There is another new Invention, which is, VVomen lying with Vizards on their Faces, to preserve them, it is a sign they keep them not for their Husbands, and that they who permit it, are not worthy of them. May all such have the Honour to see their Wives Cuckold them bare­faced, since they never enjoy them but under a Mask. But enough of this; the very Discourse of it is Loath­som. I will only ask of the Ladies, who think they are never Beautiful unless their Faces be half covered with Patches, Whether if God had ordain­ed those very Spots they put on, should be naturally imprinted in their Skins, they would not think themselves very unhappy in that Deformity? Doubt­less they would; and all their Study would be, how to hide it. How strange is it then, that what from the Hand of God would be accounted a Defect, put on by their own, should be mistaken for Ornament! I cannot think, that Patches add any other Beauty, than to make a VVoman look like a motley Dog; for I am loth to name the Female.’

[Page 177]Now because these Counsels may reach some Persons of high Birth and Quality, who often arrive to great Em­ployments Civil or Military; it will not be amiss to give a little Advice to those Ladies, who may be the Wives of Mi­nisters of State, and such as have the Administration of publick Affairs, for their better behaving themselves in those Elevated Stations. Many Wives of great Ministers, to the evident dan­ger of their Husbands and Families, take upon them to Manage publick Af­fairs as well as they. The inconveni­encies arising from this practice may be reduced to three heads. Interceding for such as have Suits to prefer, deal­ing with those that have succeeded, and revealing of Secrets to them that sollicit. I know not which of these is worst. But it is all distructive to the Reputation of those Ministers, whose Wives are led away by Flattery, Inter­est, or Ambition. I have by me the Copy of a Letter of the Emperor Charles the Fifth, to King Philip his Son, when he left him to Govern in his absence; wherein he informs him what Ministers he had left him to ad­vise [Page 178] with, and coming to speak of one he did not thoroughly like, he has these Words: Such a Man were the best of all, if he were an Eunuch, for the Wife destroys in that Man the best parts I ever saw.

This fault is of more dangerous con­sequence in the Wives of Ministers of Justice, as Judges, and the like. But the Ministers of State being Persons of more Note, it is more visible in them, or perhaps it is not so much taken no­tice of in the former, as more usual. It was well said of a Courtier to this pur­pose, who when the House of a Judge who was not very nice had taken Fire, went crying along the Streets: Help Gentlemen, or our Goods will be Burnt.

One who had a Law Suit depending, complain'd to another that the Judge having no Fortune, spent like a Man of a great Estate, and concluded saying, And whence can all this come; the other answered, From what is carry'd in: The former again reply'd, Sir his Forefathers did not so; and the other return'd, No, Sir, it is we that are here, who do it.

[Page 179]The Wives of some Ministers often hasten their Husbands ruin, still bur­dening them with their Extravagan­cie, when they ought to endeavour to ease them, and thus they both fall to­gether. The Husband must look to, and keep a watchful Eye to secure him­self. And since it is certain, that we let the Blood out of our Veins, if it cor­rupts lest it insect the rest: how much more ought we to drain Ambition and Covetousness from a Wife, if she ap­pear guilty of it? for this threatneth sudden Sickness to the Body and Fami­ly, and Death to the Employment and Honour. I grant it might be Lawful for a Wife to recommend, or even fa­vour some Man's Business wherein Ju­stice were visible, putting her Hus­band in mind, and giving him some hints of it. But these things being in themselves hazardous, it seldom hap­pens they are carry'd no farther than they ought to be. I could wish the punishment of the fault were to light only upon the Author of it; but it falls not out so, for the Husband is always liable to suffer for the indiscretion of his Wife.

[Page 180]There was one of this sort of Mini­sters in Spain, of no squeamish Consci­ence, his Wife drove the Bargains, and came off always a gainer; he always said when any Body praised his Goods, many thanks to my Wives Industry. And it was very certain, the effects of her In­dustry were visible enough.

A Merchant going for India, under­took to carry a Present for the Wife of a great Minister, the poor Man had the ill Fortune to be Shipwrackt, and lost that and all he had of his own. He return'd to Spain, and to Court, and was so unjustly Treated, that without any regard to his loss, they oblig'd him to Refund the full value of the Present or Venture. Going thence to Sevil, he met a Merchant his Friend, and ask'd whether he went, the other said, To the great Church, to ensure Merchandize of value he expected, with God, and some Men of Business; then the first reply'd; Sir, let me advise you not to do so, it is better recommend it to such a Lady, and she will secure it.

But because I hinted something touching Womens revealing the Se­crets of their Husbands Employments, [Page 181] it will be seasonable to speak a word of it here, being a circumstance on which the happiness of Matrimony has great dependance. I have heard it much dis­puted, and argued it my self, whether it is fit to discover all Secrets to a Wife. I, who always admired a sincere Love, a long time believed a Virtuous Wife was to be the Closet to keep the most hidden Secrets of the Husband, and that it was one of the greatest Blessings of Matrimony, that a Man possessed in a Wife, a faithful Soul, on whom he might unburden his cares and troubles, (which sometimes overpress him) with the same security, as if he had never parted with them out of his own Brest, and I thought all Love which was not so open, was deceitful. This was once my Opinion, but is not at present, nor will I give such advice to any Friend of mine; for Experience gained by Years, and precedents has taught me, that he rather is unjust to the Love he owes to his Wife, who trusts her with Secrets above her Capacity. This is just like Building a great House upon a weak Foundation, which the first gust of Wind throws down. If we put into [Page 182] a Boat the Loading of a Ship, it will sink. The Secrets that were made for great Souls, must be kept there; and let us always remember that notable Say­ing of a Wise Man, I never repented for what I did not say. Yet since I pre­tend to salve up all Sores, I must con­fess, I do not look upon Women as wholly unworthy to be entrusted with some matters of moment. Therefore if we must prescribe how far this re­vealing, or concealing of Secrets may extend, my Opinion is, That our own private Concerns are fit to be commu­nicated with him. Points of Honour, the Mysteries of our Employ, the Se­crets of Kings, and Affairs of the Go­vernment, are never to be let slip out of the Husbands Breast. Yet if I may assign Rules, this is yet a better. To tell a Woman those things she may forward or help with her Industry or Counsel, and say nothing to her of what is above her reach. I grant there have been, and may be Women in the World of great Souls, fit to be trusted with every thing; but these are only Prodigies fram'd by the surplus of over­flowing Nature, and we must not ex­pect [Page 183] she has communicated those Gifts to all, and can scarce believe she did to any.

One of the cases wherein Marry'd Men have most need of Counsel, is to Marry their Children, and it will not be fit that I, who have remembred so many trifles, should forget a thing of such consequence. It is a common re­ceived Opinion, that the best time to Marry Children, is when the best op­portunity offers. This Rule in my Judgment is very uncertain; for in case there be a good opportunity of a Match, and a bad disposition of the Parties, then the goodness of the event would be doubtful, or rather success would not be hoped. But that Rule is to be un­derstood of an opportunity that follows a disposition, and that Children are inclin'd to that state of Life. For al­though it might be hoped from the conveniencies of a Match, that the ad­vantages it brought might make it ac­ceptable and pleasing, yet the Will, which is the chief Actor here, is seldom Govern'd by those Rules; and it is in vain to expect any satisfaction or con­tent of a Marriage that is against Incli­nation. [Page 184] Let Sons be free in their choice; yet in such manner, that their Parents still endeavour to encline them to what is for their Advantage. Fathers in this case must advise, not command. In Daughters the danger is very great, because the vanity of Man has intro­duced an inhuman Custom, opposite to Honour, Virtue and good Parts, and only in favour of Interest: whereby it often happens, that in great and No­ble Houses where there are many Daughters, there is scarce Portion enough to Marry one of them accord­ing to her Quality. By this means the rest are condemn'd to lose their Liberty by force, and take upon them a course of Life they have no manner of Inclina­tion to, but by compulsion is put upon them. This evil is scarce to be reme­died, for it would be first necessary to redress the whole Commonwealth, and correct its ill Customs. If we would Govern our selves by Examples of our Forefathers, we have seen many great Men who had several Daughters have increased their Families, without putting any thing upon them contrary to their Wills. I think in this case, he [Page 185] that has many Daughters, might be satisfied not to fall, though he did not rise; which in plain Terms is to Mar­ry their Daughters to Men, that would sue for them to Honour their Houses; and not to endeavour to find such Sons as should add Honour to them. It is enough that the Son-in Law be not Dishonourable. This is no general Rule, nor do I perswade any Body not to seek what is best, I only advise Men to conform to necessity. I could name many Persons of great Note, who have observ'd this method, and even descended to Inferiors, which were thought at first scandalous, and yet time and Fortune at length made them all equal. The favour of Princes, great Riches, extraordinary merit either in Warfare or Learning, make Men (whose original is not infamous) fit to Match with Persons of the greatest Qua­lity. A great Man in a few words ex­pressed all that is to be said in this mat­ter, his words were, That Parents to Marry their Sons well, ought to offer and Court for them; but to Marry their Daughters, should be intreated and Court­ed. And another no less Ingenious said, [Page 186] That good Parts were the steps that lead to Quality; for that often Men of small Note, by them rose to be equal with the greatest.

I cannot forbear putting in one Word here for some Parents, who turn their Daughters loose to get Husbands, especially those that have any Charms of Beauty, and herein exceed the bounds of Decency. I confess in this particular, I am of a most rigid nature; and therefore were I to judge of it by my own Inclinations, I should ne­ver sufficiently exclaim against it. But this Practice is grown so Familiar, it appears not near so odious to us, as it has done to others. This is so received a Custom out of Spain (especially in Flanders) that Courtship is openly managed by assignation, nay it is car­ried so far, that Parents instruct their Daughters how to manage their Gal­lants, to gain them for Husbands. Though much against my Inclination, I will allow it Lawful to wink at a Daughter when she is Courted by one who will make a fit Husband for her. Yet the manner of this convenience ought to be such, that I look upon it as [Page 187] impossible to manage it right. Let every one in this case, consult his Hon­our.

To this place belongs what we call Marrying by stealth, and without the Parents consent. This may happen two Ways, actively, or passively; actively, when the Son Marries, passively when the Daughter. I would advise a Man whose Son Marries well, but without the consent of the Wives Parents, to bear with it, underhand to assist them, and not to seem openly to countenance or disavow that Action of his Son. In this case I would advise a Man for a while to withdraw, or retire into the Country, which is a good expedient to conceal his Joy or Grief, when it is not fit to make either publick. And if this be done before the thing is known, it is the better. I would advise the Man whose Daughter is Marryed with­out his consent, provided the Match be not scandalous, to go to her, and over­come his Anger for her Disobedience; which in many Men is rather Rage and Obstinacy, than true Concern. This perversness between the Parents of those so Married, breeds Enmity, Strife [Page 188] Quarrels, Slanders, Reflections and Scandal; they rip up Pedigrees, dis­cover Secrets, and defame each other; and after laying all their faults open to the World, they become Freinds. When Children Marry well, they are in some measure excusable for doing it without their Parents consent, who ought to be consenting to all that is for the Ad­vantage of the Children. In fine, it were well every thing were carryed in its proper course; but as the Spanish Pro­verb says, So the Miracle be wrought, what matter is it if the Devil does it. To Marry ill and against the Parents will too, is the greatest miscarriage, and most generally happens. All the remedy is to make the best of it, for the fault cannot be undone. To prevent this, let Parents endeavour in time to provide for their Children, or at least, if it cannot be done as soon as desired, let the munderstand, Provision is ma­king for them. This Hope will con­tent them.

There are some Men who only be­cause they will not part with anything they have, but keep their Family toge­ther, cannot endure to hear of Marry­ing [Page 189] their Children; and some Women, who rather than see a Daughter-in-Law dressed up gay by them, or their own Daughter out of their power, and for fear of becoming Grandmothers too, soon refuse good Matches, which often are so nice that once rejected they are not easily found again. Let a discreet Husband and virtuous Wife have a care of this dangerous fault, let them desire that for their Children when they are Parents, they would have desired for themselves at their Age.

I have stretched this discourse to a great length, and it grows tedious, and I could wish every point I speak to were the last; yet with your leave, I will not break off without one word concerning Fathers and Mothers-in-Law, Sons and Daughters-in-Law, and Brothers and Sisters-in-Law. This is generally an awkward sort of Kindred. I have many times considered and ar­gued with my self, what should be the cause of this discord between them, and can find none but that which the Grand Politician gave upon a different occasion, saying, That obligations were acceptable to great Men, as long as it was [Page 190] in their power to requite them; but when they grew above Recompence, instead of Love, they produced Hatred. I am of Opinion, the Duty between Fathers and Sons-in-Law, and the Love that ought to be between such near Relati­ons as Brothers in-Law is so great, that not being able to pay it, they convert it into Hatred. The Affection that is due among them plainly appears, in that they call one another, Father, Son, and Brother. This sufficiently expres­ses how great the tye is between them, and yet we daily see how much grea­ter their aversion is.

A Widow Lady complain'd of the great Friendship that was between a certain Gentleman and her Son, to whom she thought it not advantageous, and was therefore much disgusted. A Ser­vant came running to ask what she would give him for the good News he brought; and being ask'd what it was, reply'd, That my Master is fallen out with such a Gentleman, for he is to Mar­ry his Daughter. Since I did not under­take to give the reason, why it is, I will only endeavour to prescribe a Me­thod to prevent the practice of this [Page 191] abuse. Answer me to this: If a Man with great cost should Build a stately House, spend many Years in perfect­ing it, employ his time and Estate in making it compleat, and after all should make you a Present of this House, and annex a Fortune to it, what would you do? Nay what would the most Ingrate­ful Man upon Earth do? Would he not respect Love, Cherish, and be obser­vant to that Person? Would he not own himself his Servant, his Debtor, and his perpetual Friend? Does he do less, or does not he deserve more: Who for several Years Breeds up a Daugh­ter, Maintains, Instructs and Accom­plishes her, then shares his Fortune with her, and then puts half his Soul, and all this Treasure into a Man's pos­session, to whom perhaps he ow'd no obligation.

I will give you an Instance of a good Father-in-Law, for an Example to others, and this happen'd in our Coun­try and our time. A Rich Man had Marry'd one Daughter to a Man of Quality, and desired to Marry her Sis­ter to another no way superior to the first. This latter would not Marry [Page 192] the Daughter, unless he had with her five Thousand Crowns more than the former; the Father objected it would be an affront to the first, to give another more than he had received. This Ex­cuse would not take place, but he was forc'd to condescend, but so generously that the same day the Writings were sign'd and seal'd for the latter, he gave five Thousand Crowns more to the for­mer, saying; He would not have any Body think he valued him less than the other.

I have not seen, nor heard of a more Gallant, or Generous Action than this. And that it may appear, there are some Sons-in-Law who behave themselves as they ought. I will Relate another passage to that purpose. Not many Years since there was a Person very Rich that had only one Maiden Daugh­ter, who was Heiress to all the Estate, her Mother took a fancy to a Neigh­bour of hers, a Man of Quality, but of a mean Fortune. She sent him word, she was so taken with him, she had re­solved to bestow on him the two dear­est things she had, to wit, her Daugh­ter, and her Estate; he answered, It [Page 193] were unreasonable he should at once deprive her of all she had, who loved him so well, and to whom he was so much obliged; that he accepted of the Daughter, upon condition she should give her but half her Fortune.

I am very sensible, these Examples are very easy to write, but very hard to practise; and it is that I find fault with. In fine, I do my part, proving a good Correspondence be­tween such Relations, is not impossible to be found. A Curse on Interest, which is the chief Cause it does not always prevail; for generally it happens, the Quarrels between Fathers and Sons in-Law are grounded upon what was gi­ven, or not given. I look upon Brothers-in-law to be fittest for Companions and Friends, when there is any thing of proportion of Quality and Humours between them; and tho' this be want­ing, there ought to be still a fair cor­respondence. There must be a distin­ction made, between such as are really Bad, and such as are only Ignorant: Tho' a Brother-in-Law be not an Ari­stotle, he ought to be admitted, and the more, that others may not impose upon him. But he who is never so [Page 194] wise, and wicked withal, ought to be carefully avoided, if it were only to avoid being thought to have any share in his ill Actions.

I have heard some Censured, and know not but I have Railed at them my self, who as soon as Married cast off all their old Friends, and are wholly ta­ken up with their VVives Relations. This is no way justifiable; and is most practised by those who are governed by the VVife. A New Married Man always walked between two Brothers-in-Law he had, nor did he ever step aside from them, or they from him; he often passed by one who had been his Friend when a Batchellor, and was very strange to him; he at last resent­ing it, told him, Sir, I am very sorry your Lady has so little Faith in you, that she will not let you walk the Streets with­out Keepers.

It is not fit we quite pass by in si­lence, a Disturbance caused by that, of­ten happens among Married People, which is Jarrs and Discontents, that be­come Scandalous between the Wife and Kindred, whether they be her own or her Husbands. This often proceeds from [Page 195] very slight Occasions. Womens Revenge being commonly weak, their Com­plaints are the more, which occasion Mistrust and Animosities, very opposite to the Rules of Decency, and dangerous to the Conscience; for very often, un­der a pretence of Friendship, is con­cealed an inveterate Malice. Some Men think it great Prudence to have no hand, nor appear in these Differences. I do not approve of it, because not on­ly the justifying, or correcting a Wives Proceedings, belongs to the Husband, as a Superior, but also the Directing and Guiding of them, belongs to him chiefly in matter of Friendship and En­mity; as the Subjects making Peace or VVar, appertains to the King. In Cases of small Importance, which are the most common, I would allow some Connivance; the Reason is, when an Arm or Leg is broke or dislocated, it is absolutely necessary to have recourse to the Chirurgeon or Bone-Setter; but, when it is only some Sore in the Flesh, it is better let it alone, it will heal it self, and perhaps, the more is apply­ed to it, the worse it grows. When the Differences between the Wife and [Page 196] her Relations run high, and are in dan­ger of being noised abroad, and giving Scandal, then the Husband is obliged to interpose, and reconcile all. The best way to compass this, is to Treat with the Husband of that Kinswoman, if she is Married, Whether she gave, or re­ceived the Provocation: it is good to Reconcile and make them Friends, tho' to compass it, a Man were obliged to tell each of them a Lie, saying, It is the de­sire of the other; which, to them is a great Satisfaction. Some VVomen, and not a few, are Obstinate, and in these Cases, will not yield the least Point: However, the Husbands are obliged to bring them to what is rea­sonable, and perswade them, it is fit they take their Advice, upon whom it lyes, to look to their Honour and Re­putation. Yet, if all his Care and In­dustry should fail of Success, I would not advise a Man to fall out with his VVife, because she is at Variance with another.

In fine, Sir, when I began to write to you, my Design was not to exceed the Bounds of a Letter, and I have run on to a Volume. I am naturally apt to [Page 197] be particular, and tedious: Melancho­ly and Solitude, which stir up Thought, have made me take in so great a Com­pass, that it might contain all Cases, and all Rules. I pray God we have not laboured in vain; which would come to pass, if you having heard, and I said much, neither of us should reap any Advantage of it. I will conclude with those general Heads, which in my Opinion make up the Grandeur of a House, which shall be an Epitome of much that might be said, in relation to each Point.

I am sensible, when I shall be read by some Married People, and par­ticularly by those that are about being such, they will judge this Way, thro' which I pretend to lead them to Quiet and Ease, very terrible. For they will say, it is so covered with the Thorns of Precaution and Circumspection, that the Theory is difficult, and much more the Practice of it. To this I Answer, that this Letter may be compared to the Sea-Carts, which are so full of Lines, that those who do not under­stand them, think it impossible ever to unravel that Confusion: and yet it is [Page 198] not so; for most of those Lines are the same; the Principal not being above Four, which are so often multiplied and repeated, to make the Use of the Cart the easier. VVhosoever con­siders this variety of Counsels, will find them so like, and to have such con­nexion and dependance one upon ano­ther, that he will not think they are many, but one continued. And because we see a Line that is made of a few Threads, if hard drawn, is easily broke; therefore it is requisite to compose of many Counsels and Rules this Line, on which hangs the Life, Honour, and Salvation of Married People, that the force of Vice may not break it. And again, because it always breaks in the weakest Place, and this is natural to the VVomen, therefore it is necessary so to strengthen her with Industry and Art, that tho' opportunity should draw never so hard, she may still remain VVhole and Entire.

But if after all, this Doctrine should be judged by the VVomen too Rigid and Austere, I do assure them, I design­ed it not so, but rather to direct all things for their Satisfaction, Service, [Page 199] and Reputation. That this may more manifestly appear, let any desire me to write a Letter of Instructions for the Married VVomen, and they shall see what I say in their behalf, if they are not satisfied with what I have said to the Husbands.

Sir, A clean House, a neat Table, decent Diet, Attendance without Noise, good Servants, One to direct them, VVages duly paid, a Coach upon occa­sion, a fat Horse, much Silver, less Gold, some Jewels, as much Money as may be, all Utensils, store of Furniture, the best of Pictures, some Books, a few Arms, a House of your own, a little Country-House, Prayers at Home, much Alms, few Neighbours, Children not pampered, good Order in all things, a Vertuous VVife, and a Christian-like Husband, make Life pleasant, and Death happy.