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            <title>Fools in earnest, or, A fairing for phanaticks</title>
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               <date>1683</date>
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         <div type="poem">
            <pb facs="tcp:51292:1"/>
            <!-- PDF PAGE 4 -->
            <head>FOOLS in Earneſt, <hi>Or,</hi> A FAIRING for PHANATICKS</head>
            <argument>
               <l>The following Lines Obſerve, and You</l>
               <l>Will certainly Conclude it True,</l>
               <l>That ſuch as ſpend their Youthful time</l>
               <l>In fooliſh Garb, and ſave no Coyn,</l>
               <l>Will when Age comes forſaken be,</l>
               <l>And be Expos'd to Miſerie.</l>
            </argument>
            <opener>To the Tune, <hi>I'le Sell my Cart and eke my Plough.</hi>
            </opener>
            <lg>
               <l>I'Le Venture out upon the Stage,</l>
               <l>Againſt <hi>Phanaticks</hi> of this Age,</l>
               <l>Who Wallow in the Mire;</l>
               <l>And are Examples unto ſuch</l>
               <l>Whoſe Poverty appeareth much,</l>
               <l>Cauſed by Rich Attire.</l>
            </lg>
            <lg>
               <l>How comely is it do you think,</l>
               <l>For ſuch as carry Coals and Drink</l>
               <l>To imitate a Lady.</l>
               <l>Or Milk-Maids in a Flowered Gown</l>
               <l>Bedeckt with Lace from Foot to Crown.</l>
               <l>And all Rich Things that may be.</l>
            </lg>
            <lg>
               <l>Some Wear their Hoods like to Hop-ſacks</l>
               <l>And Rich Gay Clothing on their Backs,</l>
               <l>You'd take them for Great Nobles;</l>
               <l>But if a thorough-Search be made,</l>
               <l>They'r poor, and ſcarce can follow trade</l>
               <l>Some hardly worth two Boodles.</l>
            </lg>
            <lg>
               <l>The Fruit that Groweth on ſuch Trees</l>
               <l>Are uſually ſuch as theſe,</l>
               <l>It ſtill provokes ſome Others</l>
               <l>In ſuch like Garb to follow them,</l>
               <l>Although it proves their Shame and Sin</l>
               <l>So to Excel Grandmothers.</l>
            </lg>
            <lg>
               <l>Young Maids get ſuch an Itch of Pride,</l>
               <l>They'll plead with Parents to provide</l>
               <l>For them beyond their Calling;</l>
               <l>Saying, <hi>Why ſhall not I be like to ſuch,</hi>
               </l>
               <l>I'me ſure you are worth twice as much;</l>
               <l>And thus they keep a Bawling.</l>
            </lg>
            <lg>
               <l>That Parents cannot Reſt Content,</l>
               <l>Till they have all their Subſtance ſpent,</l>
               <l>To Anſwer Childrens Craving;</l>
               <l>By yielding thus many Conſumes</l>
               <l>Shop, Goods and Furniture for Rooms,</l>
               <l>Proud Folks are not for ſparing.</l>
            </lg>
            <lg>
               <l>Such ſay, Hang Sorrow, caſt off Care,</l>
               <l>We'll ſpend all up, and nothing ſpare,</l>
               <l>Pariſh is bound to find us,</l>
               <l>When we are Old and cannot Work,</l>
               <l>Be we under Chriſtian or Turk,</l>
               <l>Law will force them to Mind us.</l>
            </lg>
            <lg>
               <l>Such is the Language of She-Huffs,</l>
               <l>Who ſwagger with their Fans and Muffs,</l>
               <l>And with their Tawdrey Laces,</l>
               <l>If that you tell them of their Pride,</l>
               <l>They'll you and your Councel deride,</l>
               <l>And ſcoff you to your Faces.</l>
            </lg>
            <lg>
               <l>Many Parents are worthy blame,</l>
               <l>This may be ſpoken to their ſhame,</l>
               <l>Their Children they entice;</l>
               <l>By th' ill Example they them Give,</l>
               <l>In their own Walks, 'cauſe they ſo live</l>
               <l>In Pride's chargeable Vice.</l>
            </lg>
            <lg>
               <l>Some Myſtreſſes too blame likewiſe,</l>
               <l>'Cauſe they their Servants do Adviſe</l>
               <l>In coſtly Garbs to go;</l>
               <l>By means of which they ſpend their Gains</l>
               <l>And nothing ſave of all their Pains,</l>
               <l>Such do their Folly ſhew.</l>
            </lg>
            <lg>
               <l>If out of Employ ſuch ſhould be,</l>
               <l>In a ſhort time comes Poverty,</l>
               <l>Much like an Armed Man;</l>
               <l>The Cauſe of which they ſtoop will not,</l>
               <l>T'Employment mean, which might begot</l>
               <l>Were 't not for Muff and Fan.</l>
            </lg>
            <lg>
               <l>Young Men and Maids, when once they be</l>
               <l>Cloth!d 'bove their Calling and Degree,</l>
               <l>'Tis hard for to abate;</l>
               <l>In Clothing or other Expence,</l>
               <l>But they'll ſtill be giving Offence,</l>
               <l>By Living at high Rate.</l>
            </lg>
            <lg>
               <l>Until at laſt ſome forced are,</l>
               <l>By being poor and very bare,</l>
               <l>To play the Whore or Thief;</l>
               <l>Their Gentile Port for to maintain</l>
               <l>And keep on in their lofty Strain,</l>
               <l>To ſeem one of the Chief.</l>
            </lg>
            <lg>
               <l>Their Naked Necks and Breaſts they ſhew</l>
               <l>In moſt Places whereto they go,</l>
               <l>They think to Merit Honour;</l>
               <l>But when they come where they are known,</l>
               <l>Civil Perſons do them diſown,</l>
               <l>And moſt cry out upon Her.</l>
            </lg>
            <lg>
               <l>If young Maids would good Husbands have,</l>
               <l>Then Labour to go Neat and Grave,</l>
               <l>And not in fooliſh Clothing;</l>
               <l>Your Money ſave, and Gain a Sum,</l>
               <l>Then you'll engage good Suiters come;</l>
               <l>If proud, you'll be their Lothing.</l>
            </lg>
            <lg>
               <l>There's few young Men will take Girls now,</l>
               <l>Without a Hundred Pound or two,</l>
               <l>Eſpecially Gentile ones;</l>
               <l>They'll rather take a drudging Laſs,</l>
               <l>Which Milk the Cowes upon the Graſs,</l>
               <l>With Ten pounds, then proud vile Ones.</l>
            </lg>
            <lg>
               <l>Let every One of each degree</l>
               <l>Walk as becomes their Qualitie,</l>
               <l>And not Vye with their Betters:</l>
               <l>Nobles ſhould go in Rich Attire,</l>
               <l>Not ſuch as Tumble in the Mire,</l>
               <l>Which muſt for Food be Debtors!</l>
            </lg>
            <lg>
               <l>Accept of what I have Writ in Haſte,</l>
               <l>And do not you your Subſtance waſte</l>
               <l>On Things that's vain and needleſs,</l>
               <l>Which Renders you Ridiculous,</l>
               <l>By Perſons Grave and Serious,</l>
               <l>And priz'd by none, but th' Heedleſs.</l>
            </lg>
            <trailer>FINIS.</trailer>
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